#i think probably the actual answer is that acting was a very natural career choice because he already masks so extensively

[coquelicoq]

what i love about the Famous Actor Natori Shuuichi of it all is that...it's not just that he's famous and therefore widely recognizable wherever he goes. like yes that is very funny because he was an exorcist before he became a famous actor, which means he CHOSE, on purpose, a day job that would make it harder to hide his double life/secret identity from the hordes of his adoring public, but it's more than that. it's not just that he's famous, it's that he's famous specifically for being an ACTOR, aka a person whose job it is to dissimulate, to make believe, to inhabit roles and emotions other than his own. like he decided he was going to become as visible as possible (which again was literally not necessary! he could have gone into any other career for his day job!!) but in such a way that everyone would see him but no one would see him - they would just see his various made-up personas, including the Famous Actor Natori Shuuichi persona. i can't decide if he's a genius or if he just made so many absurd decisions that they canceled each other out and circled back around to working out. he's either playing 9-dimensional chess or he's eating the pieces. too soon to say.

[shakingparadigm]

SECOND ASK HELLO!!!!

IVAN AND TILL TIME (will get to the other characters separately)

soo!!! for ivan and till i'm still debating whether they should be what most closely mirrors their alnst counterparts (idols/musicians/actors) or something that kinda just has the overall vibe

One of the reasons i'm more inclined to go with ivan being an idol and till being an independent musician is that for till (ivan i can see doing something else), till's character is really tied to his music and i think it would be weird to separate him from that if that makes sense. So i'm going with that for now :D So everyone else will probably be idol/music industry related so they know each other

BEFORE THE TRAIN (basically just a modern au)

Note: Anakt garden here would probably be an idol/acting training program or something

IVAN:

- Was raised from childhood to become an idol, has had very little control of his life

- faces constant pressure to preform well and keep a good brand image

- Every aspect of his life is monitored by someone else from his diet, hobbies, relationships (not that he has any skjdjf), etc

- (he's an almost perfect mirror of his alnst self)

- Due to the heavy restrictions in behavior, ability to peruse passions, and being isolated from a normal childhood, till caught his eye for that reason

- He envies till's freedom in being an independent artist, having split off from contractors/labels to persue his own music (and his ability to make his own decisions, live his life without the huge pressure etc)

- The intense competitive nature of his career is something so ingrained in his life that he finds it hard to imagine a simple domestic lifestyle

- His manager is Unsha of course

- basically, i barely changed him

- BOY'S GOT PROBLEMS

TILL:

- Was initially part of a music group signed to a music label after anakt garden

- Has a background in acting

- Broke away from the group to create his own music

- He has a decent sized cult following online, though his popularity is nowhere near ivan's

- He still faces mistreatment from other higher-ups in the industry and is looked down on for his choices

- Usually, this is from former friends & managers (HI URAK)

- He admires Mizi (pop singer? maybe?) for her carefree and genuine persona

- i may still change some things about him

ALSO mizi sua ivan and till are friends here and stuff. They see each other outside work and things

ALTERNATIVES:

- Ivan: business/finance, faces pressure to inherit a family business

- Till: still acting/music, but not independent and mistreated by urak

- Other ideas?

BOARDING THE TRAIN

IVAN:

- TILL'S ON THE TRAIN UH OH,, NATURALLY IVAN FOLLOWS

- His number is pretty high. either 500 or like 1000 idk what's considered high i forgot

- His number remains pretty consistent

TILL

- I'm thinking mizi disappeared and this upset him enough the train appeared

- "WHY CAN'T I FIND HER" oh sorry till here you go she's right here

- His number is probably similar to ivan, give or take a few numbers only

- His number constantly goes up and down

OKAY I NEED HELP FOR THIS PART WHAT DO THEY DO WHEN THEY'RE ACTUALLY ON THE TRAIN

HELLO!!!!

(long infinity train au post incoming!)

I 100% agree on the first part!! I've had those thoughts when thinking up my College/Modern AU, the question of "if these characters weren't forced into it, would they still choose to pursue music?" and although my answers for certain characters fluctuated, Till was consistent in the way that the answer was always yes for him. He is a goddamn prodigy, after all, and literally makes music of his own volition (which doesn't seem very common in the garden, at least to the extent and frequency that Till does it). Though he was forced into it as well, Till views music as an outlet rather than a responsibility.

Ivan, I think he'd definitely be under a company or management. Though I feel like if he wasn't forced to sing in this universe, another route for him could be his (very successful) modelling career. It seems to be his main "thing" besides singing, after all, and he rose to fame because of it. I also think the finance/business stuff might translate better into the modelling thing since he deals with commercials and brand deals, ambassador stuff (not to say this can't happen with idols, it'd just be emphasized if he was a model I think. The idol idea is still perfectly fine! It'd also make more sense for Ivan and Till to meet/grow close if they were from the same company, though I was also still fond of the childhood friends idea.... I realize it might be hard to pull that off in a modern au if Unsha and Urak are still rivals).

Ivan boarding because Till boarded first is so Min and Ryan 😭 insert that one meme "I'd follow him to hell and back but I just wish he'd stop going there" (it could be argued that Min was just trying to get his keys back, but. come on. we all know it wasn't just about the keys).

Till boarding because Mizi went missing is so unfortunately plausible 😭 it's literally the love conga line all over again. Mizi boards because of Sua, Till boards because of Mizi and Ivan boards because of Till. Insanity.

Though depending on the reason for their boarding, it could go a lot of different ways. Would they have some kind of meteor scene parallel where Ivan tries to take Till away from the train, Till gives him a sorry look before running in, Ivan pulls that sad smile and then runs in right after him? Would the train appear during a fight? Would they board separately? I feel like boarding together was a rare instance for Min and Ryan (at the time) because their issues were largely centered around each other (and their circumstances of course. but the point is they had to figure themselves out together). So for Ivan and Till to board the train together, they must've had a very prominent issue within their relationship that they need to confront (which is already true, very complicated issues in fact so no worries about that part). Though I'd love to hear your thoughts on how their issues and relationship complexities translate to this more modern au!

500-1000 is an insanely high number 😭 I mean at least it's not as bad as Grace and Simon, but I'm fully convinced that Ivan and Till could come close that point at least once 😭 (or just the ALNSTverse versions of them maybe). Maybe they'd be around (and I apologize for always bringing them up) Min and Ryan's 202. It's relatively high to Jesse's 20-something and Tulip's 30-something (I can't remember atm my bad).

Ohhh wait sorry I'm answering this ask in portions and I just realized you said they had different numbers. Does this mean you had them board the train at separate times?

I love the detail of their numbers going down in different ways! I could definitely see Ivan's staying more consistent and harder to budge because (as VIVINOS says) Ivan is incredibly persistent. Or stubborn. This can be seen in his mindset too, where he's firmly convinced he isn't cared for despite their childhood comics proving that he and Till were basically friends. I feel like Ivan is the type who's number doesn't change very often, but when it does it goes down by a large amount.

Till, on the other hand, with all his severe reactions seems like his number would fluctuate quite a lot. Just like how his collar switches between colors fairly quick. It would definitely go up and down a lot 😭 smaller amounts than Ivan's, I think.

Though I can see the situation reversing (Ivan's number constantly fluctuating as a reflection of his muddled and confusing thoughts, Till's number being more constant because he's more firm in his self identity), I still think the ones mentioned above fit just the slightest bit better.

WHAT DO THEY DO... HMMM... It really depends on the reason they're on the train in the first place. And that reason depends on the severity of their issues in this modern au. Do they board for their own personal reasons that aren't as intertwined with each other? Are their attachment methods still as unhealthy as they were in the ALNSTverse? Or are they slightly more mellowed and better adjusted in a more "normal" society? would Ivan still be unhealthily fascinated and devoted to Till? Would Till still feel conflicted about Ivan? Would they be more focused on their own individual issues and less on each other or vice versa? Naturally both can be the case but one usually wins over a certain amount. There's a lot to think about!

A lot of the train cars force the passenger to deal with their issues in somewhat literal ways (like how min and ryan are usually forced to work together, tulip is forced to sing a song she is emotionally attached to, actually hey wait fuck that's a good one?) Would there be a train car where Till has to recognize Ivan's feelings head on (Finally looking at him)? Would there be a car that would take their deepest inner thoughts and manifest them into physical, tangible beings or objects? Many possibilities! I'd love to hear more of your thoughts and ideas!

( + @chiisana-lion !! I'd also love to hear any thoughts you might have on an ALNST infinity train au !! If you have any !! let's share these brainwaves together !! )

[marjansmarwani]

random q if you feel like answering: what are your headcannons for enzo? and if you have any, who would your dream actor or actor choices for him be if he appeared on the show?

Is this a gentle nudge to finish my Enzo fic, Anon? If so, you're right, I really should finish that.

Either way, yes, I have many headcanons for Enzo. Most of them either were written into my Enzo and TK fic that covers season 1 or are outlined or written into the yet to be completed chapter, covering season 2.

My version of Enzo (full name Lorenzo Cohen), is a history professor at Columbia University. He's Jewish and his mother is Italian, for reasons that mostly exist for scenes I wrote about TK's childhood. He's lived in New York his entire life and I imagine he and Gwyn met at a fundraiser or maybe an alumni event at Columbia, because Gwyn completing Law School there would make perfect sense. He's traveled a fair bit, both with Gwyn for her business trips and also for his own research and career, but I don't think it's a stretch to say that once TK was in the picture he stayed behind more often and that there was a lot of time with just the two of them.

I've always imagined that due to the nature of his parent's jobs, Enzo was always the one who was there for a last-minute pickup or emergency. I could see TK being resentful of him at first and yeah, maybe it took a while to warm up to this man that his mother was with that was not his dad. But he won him over simply by always being there and actually listening to him in a way neither of his parents really ever did because they were often too distracted by their jobs. I'd also always figured that after Owen's second wife (who we now know was named Lorainne) came into the picture, TK appreciated Enzo all the more.

He's steady and calm with a very dry sense of humor and he doesn't hate Owen, but he acknowledges that they are very, very different people. The only redeeming quality he finds in Owen is that while he's not the best parent some days he does really love his son, and that's enough for Enzo to make sure that they stay civil; for TK and Gwyn's sake if nothing else. He loves Gwyn but never pushed the marriage issue with her. They discussed it I'm sure but I could see her saying she didn't want to do that again and that was fine with him. He didn't care what their label was, as long as they were together. That has never stopped him from referring to TK as his stepson though. Even when he and Gwyn canonically separated in season 2, he didn't change that. It's the only way he can think to describe the relationship he and TK have in a way that makes sense to anyone else.

I've long had the idea that Enzo was the first person TK came out to. Not because he didn't trust either of his parents, but because Enzo was there. Maybe he also figured if it went badly at least he would know and would just never bring it up to either of his parents. Obviously, it did not go bad and that pushed him to do that with his parents too, as soon as he got the chance. I'm assuming TK probably got into some trouble as a teenager (I had always assumed that maybe he had started with drugs then but according to the show that might not be the case) so yeah he, and Enzo had their struggles too because dealing with a teenager who is determined to find trouble is never easy. Especially if he was acting out to get someone's attention and it never really worked. But Enzo never stopped showing up and even through all the teen angst, TK appreciated that.

I am terrible at the fancast questions, but @iboatedhere has suggested Timothy Olyphant, and I could see that. A friend and I joked about John Stamos back when Enzo was first mentioned because he seems like someone who would just irritate Owen to no end, and that would be fun. I did do some thinking to try and submit my own I came up with Josh Duhamel and Dulé Hill. Both would be great (and Dulé Hill would continue the trend of West Wing alums so he gets a few extra bonus points) and I enjoy them both, but I think they might be a little too young. But that's the only point against them, and I think they could work around that.

[iamdeku]

Strictly Business: ProHero!Deku x Reader

Pro hero!Izuku meeting his new personal assistant who is nervous and had previous terrible experiences with Proheros who treated her like a tool. (Reader is female) 

This was a really fun request to do! I loved the idea for this and definitely got a little carried away with the word count, haha. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Mentions of sexual assault. Bad bosses. I did not proofread.

You had been nervous when you had started working for the #1 hero. You had worked hard to get here, but it had been a long road, and it hadn’t always been fun. In fact, up until now it had been terrible. When you walked into Deku’s office, you were seriously thinking about undoing years of work and changing your career path entirely.

Your dream had been to work with heroes. Not be harassed by them.

You first job had also been your first mistake. You should have known better than to work with the Fresh-Picked hero, Grape Juice, but you were new to the industry and no one had warned you off. So you became a personal assistant to your sleaziest boss to date.

Mineta had done his best to ruin your life. He sexually harassed you at ever turn, abused his power, kept you after hours and made you do ridiculous things. When you finally gathered the courage to quit, you never looked back.

When you were looking for your next job, you decided it was better to go with an established hero, one who had been in the game a long time. Endeavor, as the former #1 hero, seemed like a solid, safe choice. You were so wrong.

You worked for Endeavor for years, unwilling to quit the paycheck, but the experience was awful. Endeavor was arrogant, with a terrible temper and a hefty helping of sexism. By the time you were in a financially stable enough place to quit that job, you had lost all faith in the heroes around you.

So now, starting your first day working for Deku, you were prepared for the worst. You were sure you were about to be introduced to some fresh torture, but you were ready for whatever he would level at you. Heroes could sink no lower in your eyes.

So naturally, you were surprised on your first day when he seemed…nice. Sweet even.

You knocked on his office door, a combination of dread and resignation swirling in your stomach. You expected a wait, but he answered it almost immediately.

“Hi! You’re my new personal assistant, right? It’s so nice to meet you. I’m sorry I wasn’t at your interview. I meant to be there but there was a crisis downtown I got called in for. I hope you got the gift basket I sent to your house to apologize. I really am so sorry, it’s terrible policy not to have met you before now.”

You had gotten that gift basket, actually, but you hadn’t thought he was aware of it. You definitely hadn’t thought it was his idea, but from the sounds of his speech it definitely had been. You blinked at him a couple of times, trying to gather your wits after that rapid speech.

“Yes,” you said. “I’m your new personal assistant. It’s very nice to meet you. What can I do for you today sir?”

He seemed confused, as though he hadn’t expected a personal assistant to be ready to work. That couldn’t be right though. He was an experienced pro.

“Didn’t they tell you when you got here? I thought we could start with lunch together, so I can get to know you since I missed your interview. I’m sorry, I should have sent you an email.”

Your heart sank at his words, all of your hopes for his kindness to be genuine crashing with it. So, it was to be the hopelessly flirtatious boss who thought you existed to fulfill his fantasies again. You had seen that before.

“I’m really not sure that would be wise, sir. I like to maintain a strict level of professionalism,” you said, making your refusal as polite as you could.

He blinked, as though it hadn’t even occurred to him that might not be professional.

“Oh. I suppose you have a point. Well, why don’t we eat here while we work then? I can ask you a few of the questions I didn’t get to for your interview while you settle in.”

You sighed internally. There was really no way you could politely turn that down, so you forced your face into a smile.

“That sounds like it could work well.”

You were pleasantly surprised when your lunch actually went well. Deku never made a move on you, other than his request for you to call him Izuku, which seemed to apply to all the employees. It could have just been a ploy to get you to let your guard down, but all the same, you wanted to believe he really was this kind.

You two worked together in his office the whole day, and you became familiar with his schedule. He never did anything to make you uncomfortable, and as the day wore on you decided cautious optimism was the way to go. Maybe this job wouldn’t be so bad after all.

 You smiled fondly at the memory, chopping carrots on the counter. Across the room from you, the man you had come to know well was pacing, mumbling frantically as he analyzed some old battle playing on his TV.

“Izuku, you’re going to throw off my cooking with all that racket, and then we’ll have nothing to eat.” You laughed lightly.

He nearly jumped 10 feet in the air. “Sorry, sorry! I guess I just got a little lost in thought. Although I guess I wasn’t the only one lost. I asked you about my schedule earlier and you didn’t seem to hear me at all.”

You blushed in shame. “Sorry.”

Izuku shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Happens to me all the time. Obviously. What were you thinking about?”

“I was just remembering my first day working for you and how terrified I was.”

It seemed silly to you now, but back then you never could have predicted you would be best friends with your boss, let alone cooking dinner for him while working unofficial overtime as a passion project. You never thought that working for Izuku would be what you always wanted.

“Why were you terrified? Just because I’m #1? You’d worked with famous heroes before. I’m no one special.”

Oh, how wrong he was.

“You are special. You were the first hero I’d worked with who didn’t make me miserable. Every boss I had before you either sexually harassed me, overworked me or was just plain unpleasant. Usually all of those. I had given up on heroes before I met you,” you confessed casually.

Izuku blanched at you.

“What?” The word was breathless, barely audible.

“Yeah. I thought you knew my work history. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but anyone with any experience working with heroes will tell you Endeavor is not a super cuddly guy.”

“I…had no idea.” You looked up and found, to your surprise, that Izuku’s eyes were swimming with tears. “I never knew you were treated like that. I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

“It’s okay. I have you now.” You froze at your misstep.

He would probably never notice it, but you had. It really hadn’t been your intention to fall in love with your boss, but he had been so sweet and kind to you that it had happened naturally. The way his eyes lit up when he smiled, the energy he had for the things he loved, his strength and dedication had all lead you here.

“I’m not going to let anything like that happen to you again. Or anyone. I’ll make sure your past employers get investigated.”

“Thank you,” you said quietly.

There was silence in Izuku’s house as you stared down at the carrot you had been cutting. In an effort to lighten the mood, you tried to make another joke.

“You know, that first day when you invited me to lunch, I thought you were hitting on me.” You laughed a little bit at the absurdity of it. “I know now that you would never do that, obviously.”

You heard the crash when Izuku dropped the mug of tea he had been holding. Before you could move, he was scrambling to pick it up, cheeks bright red and flaming.

“I-Oh, this is terribly awkward.” Izuku mumbled, no doubt thinking you couldn’t hear him.

“Wait. Were you flirting with me?” You asked, breathless.

“No! I mean…not…not then,” he stammered.

“Are you-” You stopped, taking a moment to gather your courage as Izuku stood, effectively giving up on the shards of pottery at his feet. “Are you flirting with me now?”

He stiffened, looking deeply uncomfortable as he met your gaze.

“Yes. I mean, not intentionally! It’s just that I have feelings with you, but I would never act on them. I would never want to make you uncomfortable and if you feel like you need to resign now because of that, I understand. I would be happy to recommend you to any of the other pro-heroes I know, and I can assure you they would make excellent bosses.”

You crossed the room to stand in front of him, taking one of his awkwardly flailing hands in your own.

“I think I am going to have to resign, unfortunately.” You watched his face fall before quickly correcting yourself. “It seems like it would be inappropriate to date my boss. I have feelings for you too, Izuku.”

Rising up on your tiptoes, you dared to kiss his cheek, hot from his blush and scattered with freckles.

“You do?”

The question is quiet, but you hear it clearly with his breath in your ear, faces still close from where you haven’t dared to move. You pull back now, surveying his awestruck face.

“Yes. You’re one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. I guess it was sort of inevitable that I would fall for you.”

You smiled, biting your lip and staring down at your feet. Izuku’s warm, calloused hand reached up to your cheek, pulling your gaze up to his.

“So does this mean you want to be with me?”

The words seemed too good to be true, striking somewhere deep in your chest and knocking you breathless. Yes. Please, yes, let it be true.

“I would like that very much. If you would, I mean.”

Izuku nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! That was never my intention with this, but after getting to know you, I really do like you. I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but I think you’re beautiful and clever and funny and I would love to take you out on a date, if that’s something you would want.”

You smiled, leaning gently into the palm of his hand that cupped your face, bringing your own hand up to twine your fingers together.

“I think that sounds perfect.”

Izuku laughed softly, and you could hear the emotion in the sound.

“You know, I was so lonely before you. I was really just hoping for a friend when I hired you. I thought maybe we would get along okay and I could have someone to keep me company. I was crushed when you said you liked to keep it professional, but I vowed to myself I would honor your wishes.”

“Yeah. We both did a great job of keeping it professional.” You gestured to your surroundings, snickering to yourself.

“I seem to recall you inviting me into your home first,” he teased.

“Hey! I was having a home decorating crisis! I could not build that shelf myself.”

“Or, as it turns out, with my help.”

You snorted at the memory of your backwards shelf, which you had eventually decided to just make do with. As it turned out, Izuku was terrible at building furniture. He was great at making you happy though.

“Well, it all turned out for the best.”

“It sure did. But I think we can both agree that you’re the one who’s not professional here.”

You rolled your eyes, rising up on your tiptoes.

“How’s this for professional?” You breathed.

Izuku seemed like he might ask questions, but before he could, you kissed him gently. When you pulled away, you were both smiling. Your hands had moved to wrap around his neck, and his hand had fallen to your waist.

“I think I’m really starting to like professionalism.”

[wisteria-lodge]

snake primary + snake secondary (bird model)

Hello! I recently discovered your blog and really love the thought you’ve put into the nuances of the SHC system. I’m super into these kinds of personality analysis systems (I’ve probably been through them all at this point) because I think it’s interesting to know how people tick - I also think self-awareness is important so that you know why you do what you do, essentially. I took the SHC quiz and it told me I was a Snake Primary with a Bird Model, and a Bird Secondary with a Snake Model. I agree that I’m probably a (somewhat petrified) Snake Primary with a strong Bird Model, but I’m not sure which is my true secondary and which is the model. Maybe you can help?

I can sure try :)

Some things about me: I’m an oldest daughter, and I’m almost 100% sure my dad is a Bird Snake and I *idolized* him as a child - I thought he had it all figured out. He was the Zeus to my Athena in my child’s eyes, and I think I got my Bird primary model very early from copying him.

I mean, I know what you mean in a “sole creator” sense, but there is no *way* Athena thought Zeus had it all figured out.

My two younger brothers are a Lion Snake and a Lion Badger, and my mother is possibly a Double Badger, though I’m not as sure about her - maybe she just thinks that she *should* be a Double Badger. I think all that is important to help illustrate that I didn’t really feel *at home* when I was with my family, though I loved them, since I was the only Snake. My parents also had a terrible relationship and are now divorced, so there’s that as well. I think the only time I have ever been truly morally outraged was the revelation that my dad had engaged in infidelity against my mom, and then again when he started dragging his feet over a promise the he had made my youngest brother. We didn’t speak for a long time after that incident, but I was really cut up over dropping him.

Oh yeah. That’s very Snake primary. Morally outraged because your People are getting hurt.

We eventually started to reconcile, and the only reason we did was because he called and said he was driving through my city one day, and even after all of that, I said yes to meeting up because I felt sad that I had dropped him. I think this family dynamic, plus some other childhood stuff, led to me sort of “checking out” and petrifying pretty early.

Just a theory - I think it’s possible that this hit your secondary more than it hit your primary. You seem pretty strong and confident in your Snake primary so far. Even the fact that you can identify it coming from such a non-Snake environment, and don’t feel guilty about it, is big.

I had a lot of trouble making friends in school.

I’m thinking this might be more of a secondary thing.

and generally ended up with like one friend who was the other weird girl, and who I always sort of kept at arm’s length emotionally. I moved schools several times as a kid and after the first best friend (who was the daughter of my mom’s best friend and was like a sister to me until she moved away), I really didn’t try too hard to make new “best” friends.

Hmm. See, this reads like a *default* friend to me, not a friend of choice. The other weird girl. The daughter of your mom’s friend. That’s an easy friend to have… and not one that you necessarily sought out. I’m not surprised that your primary didn’t latch onto her with that Snake intensity.

Even now, though I definitely have concentric circles of loyalty and a significant other who is my “top person”, I’m not sure I have that blind Snake I-would-literally-die-for-you loyalty toward anyone - I’d kill or hide a body for my top circles

That *is* Snake loyalty. Snakes aren’t going to die for someone else, are you kidding? That’s a sucker’s game. They value themselves too much.

I would give up a lot of my own comfort for my significant other. Maybe I’m just afraid to let myself feel that unquestioning loyalty, though I want to feel it, or maybe I’m really a Bird and just want to be a Snake because that would mean I could be un-broken eventually.

Let’s talk about your secondary, I want to hear about how you think you’re broken, because so far you seem fine. Congrats on the SO!

I don’t think I’m an Idealist though - I’m surrounded by them and I know I don’t care about “principles” the way they do. Then again, maybe I’m a Bird whose truth is that moral relativism is the truth lol. Anyway, I think for my primary, I’m probably a petrified Snake with a Bird model unless I’m totally wrong about myself.

I think you’re just a Snake who… is a Snake.

(you’ve got that Birdy influence though, from your dad, and they do like to complicate things.)

As for my secondary, I loved to read (everything - all kinds of fiction, especially sci-fi/fantasy/mystery and, like, Victorian sci-fi/horror adventures, nature books, medical texts, etc. Wikipedia was a revelation when it came out), and I was smart and good at taking tests and knowing the answers in school, so at a certain point I think I just defaulted to being “the smart one” and used that as armor to help keep people from getting too close.

yep yep yep, welcome to the ‘fun Bird model’ club, we have snacks

I do genuinely love to learn, and I’ve always been known among friends and family as the one who either knows the answer or will look it up. I love pop culture trivia and nature facts. I also love and am good at debate, but not really when real feelings are involved - I more love the “battle of wits” aspect, where I can match up against a person to see if my knowledge and ability to adapt my argument on the fly can stump them. 

I also would argue the unpopular point, or the point I didn’t agree with, just for sport. Fun Bird secondary model.

I developed terrible anxiety and probably some depression as well in high school.

Okay, now I’m seeing the problem.

and now that I’m older, I suspect that I may have ADHD, though I haven’t been officially assessed. I didn’t discover my executive function issues really until college, when suddenly being smart and being able to figure out the test answers through context clues and what I remembered from lectures and readings + whatever trivia I had gathered about the topic wasn’t enough anymore.

I suspect you’re right about being ADHD. Or at least being neruodivergent.

I am horrible at studying! I would plan out my study sessions and make these nice little cheat sheets (these were allowed on exams) and they didn’t work at all! I did very well in my literature minor though, because all the graded assignments were papers rather than open-answer tests, and I could get my thoughts out better and with more resources at my disposal if I forgot something and needed to go back to the book to check.

Oh ouch. Yeah, I’m not even relating this back to a secondary, because I’m reading this as a working memory thing? Like ugh tests are such a terrible way access knowledge. What is even the *point* of memorization anymore? You should have been able to have a college career that was completely writing papers, like I did.

I was at one point very jealous of my Lion Snake brother, who I felt could do “whatever he wanted” with minimal consequences, while I always felt constrained by being “good” and not rocking the boat too much with my family.

Yep. That’s being an oldest daughter.

I couldn’t understand why he didn’t seem to care about being considerate to everyone else in the household (especially my chronically overworked, can’t-say-no Badger mom lol).

It’s because he’s the youngest. Mine’s the same.

This attitude was definitely influenced by my anxiety issues at that time, since I had (and still have) a lot of trouble asking for anything - help, permission, whatever. I’d rather do things and explore on my own, without anyone watching, so I don’t have to ask and don’t have to explain.

Did you low-key raise your younger siblings? Because it sounds like you raised your siblings.

I feel better with a little bit of distance, and definitely wear masks in most situations. I’d say my masks are half conscious and half reactive - I do have some idea of how I’d like to be perceived, but it’s only kind of systematic.

That makes me think Snake or Badger secondary.

I have a few “characters” that I use as touchpoints when I’m going into a new situation, but once I’m there I mostly just act nice and funny and see what happens.

So far I’m going with Badger secondary (be nice and and assume it’ll be fine is very badger) with a fun Bird secondary model, that you can do an Actor Bird thing with. Although liking to “just see what happens” is pretty snake.

The characters are really just costumes I use to give off a certain first impression, although I do really like the costumes and find them fun. I love clothes, makeup, and perfume too, because I enjoy the idea of making multidimensional costumes for different settings. I actually enjoy the mask a lot of the time - I have tattoos that are purposefully in places that I can cover easily, because I enjoy the idea that there’s something under the professional mask that people only know about if I show them. I’m a bit socially awkward I think (I repeat myself and talk a lot), but most people tend to either like me or tolerate me, and I don’t get into a lot of interpersonal conflicts. 

Hm. Either Courtier Badger or Snake secondary, fun Bird secondary model. However. Especially after talking about your Actor Bird in such fun, positive, happy language… I am going to call you out for “socially awkward” and “people tolerate me.” Which tells me you don’t have as much faith in your social skill set, and it’s *maybe* a little burnt.

(Also, not to get too armchair psychologist tell-me-about-your-mother, but if your mom has a  “chronically overworked, can’t-say-no” Badger secondary… that’s going to affect how you see Badger secondaries.)

Right now I work in a very Badger/Bird workplace, and it’s really a terrible fit, even though I can squeak by enough to fool my superiors into thinking I’m doing a good job. 

oh we’ve got some imposter syndrome, that can also be a burnt secondary thing.

It’s all long-term planning and daily maintenance tasks, and I really don’t like it. I change most of my plans partway through, but I’m not sure if it’s because I’m really an improvisational secondary at heart, or if I’m truly a Bird that’s just bad at planning for all of the variables.

I’m going to say you’re not a Bird. Making cheat-sheets (which is a very Bird secondary strategy) also did not work, and you feel confined by, not comforted by plans. You’re not a Lion, you enjoy keeping your true self to yourself too much. You could be either a Badger or Snake. And if you really hate daily maintenance tasks… that could be coming from a few places, but it makes me lean Snake. 

I love being in situations where I can iterate on a plan, or make a new plan on the fly. I love escape rooms and am pretty good at them; I still get stumped and need hints sometimes, but when I *get* a puzzle, it sort of just clicks for me? I don’t think in a very linear way and am not a good chess player, but I also have never studied chess so perhaps I just am at a knowledge disadvantage in that game. 

This is also you using Bird to have fun, and we know you *love* using Bird to have fun.

One of my proudest moments

okay this is definitely going to be helpful

was when I was on a day trip with my significant other, and we needed to find a place to buy food quickly so we wouldn’t miss a specific ferry and then a specific bus - we were on an island, and near the ferry station the restaurants were all too expensive and we were worried they would take too long anyway. He was starting to get frazzled, but I was able to think on my feet, and we just grabbed a calming beer (lol) at a creepy neighborhood bar, then got on the ferry and bought microwave meals at a 7-Eleven by the bus station. It was awesome and I was very proud of myself for staying calm and looking around myself for options.

Well that is VERY Snake secondary.

I generally take a long time making decisions when it’s not a crisis situation, because I have to *weigh all the options*, but I often end up in analysis paralysis. Crunch time is where I really shine as a decision-maker.

Snake again. From what I’m seeing, your Bird is a fantastic toy, but actually kind of makes you miserable when you have to depend on it for the important stuff. (studying, your job, making important decisions)

All of this long post is to say, I’m not sure whether my Bird secondary is a fun model that got repurposed into an executive dysfunction compensation tool and anxiety/depression soother to supplement my Snake secondary

I think you hit the nail straight on the head right there. 

 or if Bird is my true secondary and Snake is a model that I learned from my dad and brother + characters I admire in media 

oh your favorite characters are Snake secondaries are they? That’s a big tell.

and that I use when I fail to plan adequately given my executive dysfunction. 

Executive dysfunction is a whole thing, but you don’t have to “”plan adequately”” for everything.

I find both fun and both useful, but I’m not sure which is innate and which is the model! 

My money is on snake secondary, Bird secondary model. 

[kinktae]

bitchin’ || pt. 7 (M)

↳ PART OF MY REWIND SERIES

The 80s were a time of choices. Which perm was right for you? What color neon would you wear next? None of these choices, however, were more questionable than a certain deal you made with Jeon Jungkook.

pairing: fratboy!jungkook x reader

word count: 3.4k

genre: 1980s au, eventual smut, e2l

warnings: sorry this chapter is so short :(

A/N: This fic was inspired by To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. Thank you to @junqkook for letting me use her likeness!

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

PART SEVEN

Your fingers wrapped around the metal handle, prying open the door of your dorm.

Unsurprisingly, you were met with a mop of dark hair and a full set of white teeth, Jungkook's smile wide and blinding. You had figured the incessant knocking was his doing.

"Yes?"

Your tone was dry, clueing Jungkook in that despite the 24 hours that had passed since the day of your event, you were still, in fact, pissed at him.

Moving a hand from behind his back, he presented you with a bouquet of yellow flowers, jutting them your way. Your eyes fell onto the flowers with indifference, clearly not impressed.

"These are for you." He enthused.

"Is this your way of apologizing?"

Jungkook sighed, flowers falling to his side, “Change into something nice, we’re going out.”

You quirked a brow at him.

“Uh, or don’t! What you’re wearing right now is cool too! Totally up to you.” He backtracked quickly.

You were in polka-dotted pajama pants, a plain white t-shirt on your upper body– his shirt actually. You had stolen it from him some time ago, he was just good-natured enough to pretend like he hadn't noticed.

Rolling your eyes, you snatched the bouquet out of his eyes, the faintest hint of a grin on your lips.

"Fine." You agreed, hand coming out to press back against his chest as he tried to walk into your dorm. "But you're waiting here."

Jungkook pouted as the door shut shortly after, feeling very much like a puppy who had been put in time out.

And just like a puppy, any grudge he felt towards his owner was forgotten the moment you came back out, his cheeks warm as you intertwined your hand with his, unable to hold a grudge against him either.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

"Is the blindfold really necessary?" Your voice wavered nervously, a scarf wrapped tightly around your head to block your vision. You had both of your hands gripped around Jungkook's arm as he attempted to guide you up a set of stairs.

"Yes, it'll ruin the surprise if you see where we're going."

"My ass is going to be ruined if I fall and bust it."

"And what a nice ass it is." Jungkook tutted sadly, causing you to snort.

"Make sure you're paying attention to where we're going." You scolded, slapping his bicep.

Jungkook rolled his eyes, "Relax, nerd, we're here."

Your steps were brought to a halt, the sound of a heavy door opening ringing out. You cocked your head as a breeze washed over you, the kind that didn’t feel like it came from air conditioning.

"Grant me sight, oh powerful one." You joked as Jungkook began to untie your blindfold.

You squinted harshly as light flooded your eyes, blinking away spots the blurriness as you took in your surroundings.

"Where are we?" You marveled.

"The multimedia building rooftop." He informed you as you stepped out of the doorway, admiring the garden that was spread across the entire space. A makeshift greenhouse, you deduced. "It's where the Botany Club and Gardening Club meet and work."

You were absolutely enthralled, you hadn't the slightest clue that a place like this was sitting hidden on your campus. And as beautiful as it was up here, it was the woven picnic basket sitting by a bush of familiar-looking yellow flowers that caught your attention. Immediately, you recognized them as being the flowers Jungkook had gifted you with back at your dorm. You grinned.

Accompanying the basket was a pile of colorful blankets laid out of the concrete floor, along with pillows and another bouquet of yellow flowers, this time set up nicely in a glass vase.

"You know I don't cook, but, uh, I do know how to make a mean PB&J sandwich so..." Jungkook laughed nervously, gesturing towards the picnic he had set up.

A strange feeling fluttered in your stomach, and you brought up a hand to press up against it reflexively. He had arranged all of this... for you?

"Oh, wow." Was your response, the butterflies in your stomach hard to ignore.

Your reaction was hard to decipher and it made Jungkook incredibly anxious. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, "Well, let's go, nerd."

You followed Jungkook over to the picnic scene, sliding off your shoes before stepping onto the blanketed spot, flopping down with an excited giggle. You had been toying with the tassels of one of the pillows near you when Jungkook pulled out a small portable radio for the basket, a word of approval leaving your lips. He really did think of everything, didn't he?

"How did you even find this place?" You marvel as he fiddled with the radio dial, flipping through stations until he found one he was content with.

"I went to a photography club meeting and they mentioned this place being a good spot for sunset shots."

You had taken note a little wooden popsicle stick poking up from the soil of the yellow flowers. Acacias, they were marked. Pulling your knees up to your chest, you considering his words.

"You went to a photography club meeting? Wait, are you–"

"I'm considering switching majors, yeah." He cut you off, leaning back away from the radio and taking a seat beside you.

"Not even!" You gaped.

"It's not that big of a deal." He shrugged nonchalantly. He was only changing his entire career path because you had told him you believed in him. No biggie, right?

"It's huge news, I mean, you're taking the initiative and pursuing your passion. I'm amped for you." You grinned to which Jungkook couldn't help but return, reaching into the picnic basket to pull out your sandwiches.

The two of you sat beside each other comfortably, washing your food down with sips from your respective juice boxes, which Jungkook had so endearingly provided. You hummed along to the radio as the sun slowly started its descent down the sky.

Suddenly, Jungkook cleared his throat, a clear sign that he was asking for your attention.

"So, you probably know why I brought you here."

You nodded.

"You're proposing, right?"

"Yeah, I– oh, shut up." He laughed, the serious mood shattering as you joined him.

“No, I just really wanted to apologize for the way I behaved at your event. I acted on impulse and wasn't thinking past my... raging man ego or whatever." Jungkook sighed, eyes meeting yours earnestly. You bit down on the inside of your cheek, eager to hear him out.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I would never want to do anything to hurt my best friend and I know how hard you worked on this event and— why are you looking at me like that?” He huffed, cutting himself off mid-apology.

“You just called me your best friend.” You beamed, cheeks round.

Jungkook felt himself redden, turning away from your admittedly adorable expression.

“Yeah. So?”

“That’s so cute.” You fawned. “And you did all this for me. You can be really sweet when you want to be, you know.”

Jungkook wasn’t used to this kind of doting affection being directed at him, much less coming from you of all people. He swatted away your hand that had reached out to pinch his cheek.

“Yeah, yeah, just zip it before I demote you back down to classroom acquaintance.”

You hummed contentedly, “I accept your apology. And for what it's worth, I also consider you to be one of my best friends.”

"Ouch, just one of them? That's cold." Jungkook pouted, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Sorry, Yara's got spot number one on lock." You shrugged, bringing your juice box to your mouth as you took a sip. "Chicks before dicks."

"Fine, but tell me I'm at least best friend number two."

"Hmm..." You tapped at your chin, pretending to think about your response.

"What the hell? Who could possibly be before me? Taehyung?...Kiri?" Jungkook teased.

At the sound of Kiri's name, you physically tensed, something Jungkook didn't fail to notice.

"...Yep, definitely Kiri." You played along half-heartedly.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" You straightened up suddenly, turning towards the boy. "You told me Kiri left you for Eunwoo, right?"

"Yeah... Why?"

"Oh. Well, I dunno, I heard from someone that you and Kiri were actually broken up at the time." You fiddled with your fingers anxiously, choosing to omit the fact that his ex-girlfriend had been your source of information.

The long-haired boy stared at you for a moment, expression unreadable as he took in your uneasy state.

"Well. Yeah. We weren't together." He answered finally, causing your stomach to drop.

Wait... Kiri had told the truth?

"But you said she left you for him? You lied to me." You breathed in disbelief.

"Hold on, I didn't lie." He pressed, brows furrowing at your words. "Yes, we weren't together, but we weren't broken up either?"

You flashed him a confused look, urging him to explain further.

He let out a sigh, stretching out his legs in front of him, "We had been arguing a lot, like more than usual, so we both agreed to take a break from each other– nothing permanent, just some time apart where we didn't see each other every day like we had been. The morning before I met you, however, I was coming down one of the halls at the Beta Tau Sigma house when I caught her sneaking out of Eunwoo's room. She broke up with me before I even got to say a single word. So yeah. She left me for Eunwoo."

You felt your shoulders fall, body relaxing at this new information.

"Oh."

"I was going to take her out for dinner that same day too. Clearly, we were on different pages on what this break was supposed to be for. Any other questions?" Jungkook quirked an eyebrow up at you pointedly, and suddenly you were filled with guilt.

Was this whole thing really just one giant miscommunication between the two? Kiri under the impression that they were broken up while Jungkook wasn’t? Jeez, you really jumped the gun there, didn't you?

"Ah, shit... Well, now I feel like a total wastoid for accusing you of lying." You expressed your regret, poking a finger into his thigh sheepishly.

Jungkook gave you a once over before chuckling, a hand reaching out to take your face between his fingers as he squeezed your cheeks.

"Say you're sorry."

"'M s’rry!" Your muffled words came through squished lips causing him to giggle.

"Say 'Gosh, Jungkook! You're such an honest and wonderful person. I'm a fool for ever doubting you.’'" He smirked. You rolled your eyes, face having grown sore.

"Asshole, let m’go! M'cheeks hurt!"

Thankfully, he granted your request, freeing your cheeks from their state of enslavement so that you could rub at them woefully.

"You're a child." You scowled.

"You sound like Kiri." Jungkook reminisced, recalling how his ex-girlfriend often said those very words.

"Yeah, well, soon enough it'll be her saying that instead of me." You joked.

The joke fell flat, failing to earn even a smile from him.

"Nah," he replied coldly, "like you said, if she wanted me back, she'd already have come back."

You cursed internally. You had completely forgotten you had spat that out while scolding Jungkook for nearly going apeshit on Eunwoo, and once again, you were left feeling shitty.

"Hey, I said that out of frustration, I didn't really mean it. I'm sure she'll come crawling back soon." You attempted to comfort him, hoping to sound sincere.

"Even if that's true, I'm not entirely sure I want that anymore."

"What?" You blinked. Jungkook shrugged.

"What about us?" He met your eyes, causing your breath to hitch.

"What about us?"

Jungkook stared at you for a moment, noting the way the timber in your voice had become higher pitched as if panicked.

"Yara told me how you'd be really bummed if you lost me once Kiri and I got back together. But Y/N, Kiri is going to think you're my ex-girlfriend... there's just no way she'd be okay with me hanging out with you. I don't know if I want to get back together with her if it's going to hurt you..."

The chirps of nearby birds slowly fizzed into a dull hum, drowned out by the deafening pounding of your heart.

Your face felt hot. When you told Yara all that stuff about how fond you had grown of Jungkook, you had been notably drunk from Roommate Wine Night, uncharacteristically vulnerable and in your head. Even so, you didn't think that Yara was gonna go and tell him.

She was so dead.

But what the hell was he saying? He would give up on Kiri just so you didn't have to lose him? He'd give up what he wanted just for you?

"Idiot." You scoffed suddenly, taking him by surprise. "Who cares about me? Yes, I'll probably be really sad that we don't get to hang out anymore but, whatever, I'll get over it. I got my event. You're going to get your end of the deal too, I'll make sure of it."

Your determination was hard set in your eyes which held his pensive ones.

"Kiri will come back, okay? Like, c'mon! She knows she can't do better than you."

Jungkook shot you an insincere smile, "Ah, I'm not so sure she thinks that's true anymore."

"Stop. Listen to me, Jungkook, you're a fucking great guy, okay? You're charismatic and funny and care about your friends... sure, you almost ruined my event, but it was mostly to defend my best friend when Eunwoo got too pushy, right? You're a good guy, meathead. I know I joke about your ego, but I really believe you're capable of more than you think you are. Seriously, Kiri is so lucky to be the object of your affection."

Jungkook watched the way the sun's orange light kissed your face, a bittersweet feeling growing in his chest as he contemplated the object of his affection. Just a couple of months ago, he would have had no doubt about who held his heart, but as you held his stare, he found himself unsure and yet, entirely sure all the same.

“Jungkook? You okay?” You frowned, catching in the sadness in his eyes.

“Hm? Yeah, yeah. I just… realized something.”

“Oh? What's that?”

“...It doesn't matter.” He smiled, the gesture hardly reaching his eyes.

You looked at him for a moment, skepticism evident in those beautiful eyes of yours that reflected the sky's deepening orange and red colors. Jungkook felt like he was sinking into them. Burying himself further and further into a hole that he was unaware had even existed until now and he was in too deep to pull himself back up.

"Kiss me." He spoke softly, making your eyes grow wide. "Please."

There was a note of melancholy to his tone, unlike you had ever heard come from him before. You fought back to urge to dissect it further, choosing instead to oblige his request and press your mouth into his, the thought that he was holding you tighter than usual failing to cross your mind.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

“Hey, hey, hey, hey! What is going on here?”

Yara giggled at the television show, popping a chip into her mouth, the crunching sound pulling you from the thought that had been occupying your mind. Tugging at scrunchie you had on your wrist, you searched for the right way to go about sharing your feelings.

“Yara?”

“Yeah?” The girl in question responded, eyes still fixated on the ever so charming A.C. Slater.

“...Nevermind.” You retracted, shaking your head dismissively.

And just like that, the Saved By The Bell episode was entirely forgotten, Yara's hands taking purchase on your shoulders.

“Bitch, you already have my attention, don’t just blue balls me like that.” She whined, shaking you slightly. You turned away from her curious eyes.

“It’s just… ah, seriously, nevermind, I’m pretty sure I’m just up in my head.” You shrugged her off, leaning back into the couch.

Your best friend watched your suddenly indifferent presence with pursed lips, not buying it for a second.

“You’re gonna ask about Jungkook, right?”

You turned towards Yara, suspicious written all over your narrowed eyes, “How did you know that?”

“I’m a mind reader.” She rolled her eyes passively, turning back to the television. “So, what’s up?”

“I dunno, I just feel like things are so... different between us.”

At your revelation, Yara’s eyes flicked back over to you, “Bad different?”

“No. It’s actually kind of nice. I think.” You frowned, trying to make sense of your thoughts.

“So... good different.” Yara concluded.

“It’s just funny. When I look at the start this whole deal between Jungkook and me—”

“You mean back when you and Jungkook weren’t going at it like animals and having secret rooftop picnics?”

You held her stare for a moment, teeth sinking down into your bottom lip.

“Yeah. Things are so different. I remember a time where I couldn’t even stand being in the same room as him and now…”

"And now you're completely infatuated with him." She sympathized, shaking her head sadly.

“W-What? What the hell are you yapping about? I was gonna say that I actually think of him as a close friend.”

“Oh, Y/N.” Yara let out a breath, her hand placing itself on your head.

“Poor, poor stupid Y/N.” She patted it with a sad look. “How blind you are.”

You swatted your best friend’s hand away, “Get your grubby paws off of me, weirdo. I do not like Jungkook!”

There was an uncomfortable feeling in your throat as you said those words; you swallowed it down immediately.

“Seriously? Y/N, you’re whipped for that kid. Big time.”

“I thought I told you to lay off the crack.” You deadpanned.

“Funny.” Yara glared. “Seriously though, you guys are walking around in a fake relationship while having real feelings for each other and real sex. If anyone’s trippin', it’s you two.”

“Okay, just because people have sex doesn’t mean feelings are always involved.” You scoffed.

“Oh girl, you don’t have to tell that to me, my emotionally constipated ass knows that better than anyone.” Yara mused before shaking her head. “But it’s different with you guys. I see the way you light up whenever he’s near. It’s totally palpable the way you two yearn for each other.”

That wasn't true, wasn't it? Sure, you did notice yourself thinking about him whenever you weren't with him, but wasn't that just because he was a friend? Don't friends usually wonder what the other is doing whenever they're apart? Didn't friends spend hours thinking about the time they spent with each other after they parted?

Suddenly, you felt nauseous.

“Fuck.” You breathed out.

Yara pressed her lips together, taking in the way you suddenly looked like you were one second away from barfing into the bowl of popcorn you had on your lap. She had a reasonably strong guess as to what exactly was running through your mind at this very moment.

"Wanna hear something funny?" She said finally, offering you a change of subject should you take it.

"Yes, please." Was your weak reply.

“I’ve fucked Eunwoo. Eunwoo has fucked Kiri. Kiri has fucked Jungkook, and Jungkook has fucked you."

You blinked, "Yeah?"

"Hello!" Yara exclaimed, "Isn’t that wild? It’s like one big orgy!”

A sharp snort left your nose, sufficiently amused.

"Only one thing left to do for this love chain to come full circle." Yara's eyes suddenly grew mischievous, scooting in closer to you.

"Yeah? And what's that?"

"We gotta get it on, baby!" Yara waggled her eyebrows suggestively, sending you into a round of laughter. She grinned back at you. "Why are you laughing? You don't think I could rock your world?"

"I think you're insane and need to get laid by someone who isn't me." You reasoned, nudging your shoulder into hers.

"Ugh, you're probably right." She sighed in defeat. You knew Yara well enough that this was her attempt to distract you and make you feel better, and honestly, it had worked. For the most part.

You let out a sigh of your own, leaning over to rest the side of your head against hers.

"Do you really think I like Jungkook?" You asked quietly.

Yara let out a contemplative hum as if considering her reply before speaking.

"Honestly, what I think doesn't really matter. What matters is how you feel, you know?"

"Yeah," you exhaled, biting the inside of your cheek as a sinking feeling of understanding finally washed over you, "I think I do."

[fandomoverdrive]

Okay I just need to go on a rant about Whirl because I love him he might just be the most tragic character in the entirety of MTMTE and considering the candidates that’s a pretty hard position to cinch. Some of this is gonna have mentions re: self harm, suicidal tendencies/ideation, overall bad coping mechanisms etc so if that’s not your cuppa please scroll on. 

This gets long so here’s the obligatory read more. 

Let’s write “tragic” in flickering neon letters with the fact that Whirl’s first appearance in MTMTE, dropping the titular “how to say goodbye and mean it,” is a personal soliloquy delivered as he’s in the midst of constructing his own funeral pyre. Whirl is lost, directionless, trapped and unwilling to be such in a postwar environment. But how did we get here? 

Whirl is without a doubt a driven character. In the prewar functionist society, he had no qualms switching careers, risks be damned. Whether he’s always had a knack for disobeying authority or was simply driven by passion or both isn’t elaborated on, but he’s got a hell of a hardheaded streak that’s impossible to ignore. When destroying his business wasn’t enough to deter him from further rebellion, the Senate was happy to turn him into an empuratee and destroy not only the opportunity but the capability of continuing to rebel by pursuing his passion. This is what I’d personally consider the big ‘whump’ moment, less so the use and abuse as a pawn that followed but the point of trauma at which we begin to see Whirl’s psyche begin to twist.

From this point forward we see Whirl in and out of prison, let loose when he can be useful to someone else’s ploy and otherwise incarcerated for a buffet of offenses. No longer able to be constructive and having little if any control of his life, Whirl becomes aggressively destructive. In response to having everything he aspired toward ripped away from him, permanently, he builds a mental defense of bitterness and anger and paves over his black hole of self worth with a veneer of outright assholery. It’s here that he bares his metaphorical fangs and pushes - with gusto - anyone who might even suggest they’re trying to appeal to reason or get close to him as an individual. 

It’s hard to imagine, given even subtly different circumstances, that Whirl would not side with the decepticons for the war. While he’s single-handedly responsible for radicalizing Megatron towards violence, the ‘con intent at the start of revolution - that movement in society should be possible and a caste system based on alt mode is unethical - aligns quite nicely with what he’d already aspired to do with his life. His conscription to the side of the autobots is just another instance in which his autonomy is cast aside. 

Whirl is a tool. Whirl had a passion for watchmaking, but now he can’t, so his new passion is violence. Whirl is a gun and someone else has always told him where to point and all he’s ever been given for his cooperation is the blame of pulling the trigger. Whirl is an asshole, Whirl is unpredictable, Whirl isn’t a mech anybody would ever think twice about saving - the answer would always be no. Whirl wants to die. Whirl only wants to die on his own terms and he’ll be damned if he’s going to keel over under the orders of someone he doesn’t respect, for a cause he doesn’t believe in. 

A few years of this sort of treatment would be enough to drive anyone insane, let alone the millennia of warfare he suffered through. Worse yet is the one time he found a group, a team that was known for the unorthodox and taking on the big messy challenges, the Wreckers kicked him out. Whirl was too much for the mechs that were too much and there’s no way in hell that doesn’t still sting. 

That’s how we get here:

Whirl defends himself through isolation from others. He can’t be hurt by others if he never lets them close enough to be hurt by. In a hypersocial society, he has no close long-term friends, he is one of the few with no roommate aboard the Lost Light. He made himself as unpalatable as possible. He’s crass, he’s volatile, he makes it clear with every word and action that Whirl is first, you don’t mean anything, I’d leave you for dead in an instant..... But that’s not true, is it? 

Whirl is shown being completely, dramatically, self-destructively caring throughout the series. Between risking his life for the scraplet colony disguised as a protoform, participating in an untested spark jumpstart to save a life, coming up with a plan to rejuvenate Tailgate’s spark, and performing a spark transplant surgery on Megatron - without whom the world would never have been even a fraction as cruel to Whirl as it had been - Whirl is far from the most selfish character in the series. It’s in his nature, however, to deny such, to the point where he more than likely believes his own narrative that he’s irredeemable, self-absorbed, invincible, degenerate, and neither capable nor deserving of close interpersonal relationships. 

It’s also how we get here:

Whirl is one of the characters that we more frequently see in a state of disrepair. He fights passionately and recklessly, with no regard whatsoever to whether or not he makes it out of a scrum with all his limbs intact. Injuries like these, and those that he experiences elsewhere in the series, would put other mechs out of commission through pain alone, but as long as Whirl is conscious he doesn’t stop until the fight is over. 

As depressing as it is to think that Whirl is simply at this point accustomed to extraordinary pain, it’s even moreso to think about the more likely concept that he wants to be hurt. Whirl doesn’t have control of a lot that happens to him, but do you know what he does have control of? Who he chooses to shit-talk. More often than not we see Whirl being blatantly disrespectful of his superiors, and some of the more dangerous mechs aboard the LL. While obviously his intent when insulting Ultra Magnus isn’t to start a fight, harping on Drift (and subsequently getting cold clocked) or Cyclonus is a little more self-destructive in nature. 

While Whirl has been in therapy, we see during the encounter with Fort Max that he’d shared very little of what he actually considered traumatic with Rung. With no material to work with, Rung wouldn’t have been able to give Whirl instructions or advice as far as a healthy coping mechanism, and so I’m firmly of the belief that Whirl goes out of his way to get himself hurt as a way to have a vague sense of control. 

On his actions and guilt:

Whirl is immensely guilty. When he’s overcharged, he admits that everything feels like his fault - and unfortunately a lot is. Whirl believes he’s the bad guy, and he’s willing to take the fall for actions that others might find immoral. There’s a lot Whirl has done that he’ll likely never forgive himself for, even if he garnered the ability to start forgiving himself for the small things, but the character he’s created for himself has been part of him for so long that it’s near impossible to tell where to draw the line between caricature and his genuine self. 

At this point in time, Whirl is not capable of improving himself without external assistance. 

He has accepted (however wrongfully) that he is not cared about, trusted, wanted, or respected. 

His assumptions become self-fulfilling prophecy as he - consciously or not - works to perpetuate his image. Whirl is a dick, he’s unfazed by anything anyone says about him, if someone is insulting him they’re probably right, why bother arguing unless it’s with the intent to get in a fight? He doesn’t pay attention to others, he doesn’t pay attention to himself, nothing that anybody could say could possibly make a difference. 

Right? Right?

Wrong. Part of what makes Whirl so heart-wrenchingly tragic is that it is so incredibly clear that nobody has ever told him he mattered. Rodimus throws out what could be interpreted as a snide remark, “even the crazy bastard makes a difference,” and that aside sticks with him. Millions of years of warfare, of being a tool to use, an expendable soldier, a rabid dog to throw at their enemies, and not once did someone turn around and say he was anything good. He’s been thanked for saving lives, for contributions, for individual acts, but his reaction to Rodimus really cements in my mind that nobody has ever said that he, that Whirl, was important. 

Whirl is a broken character. He’s subsumed by his own self-hatred that he perpetuates and justifies with a mask of cruel indifference and aggressively abrasive snark. He’s alone, by what he thinks is his own choice but is really a horribly misguided attempt to keep himself safe. He’s got no potential for growth unless someone wants to force their way through his defenses in order to help him find the line between who he is and who he pretends to be in order to keep from being hurt. Whirl is terrified of abandonment, and guarantees that nobody will ever be able to leave him by never letting them come close to begin with. He’s not a good person, he’s violent and callous and has little regard for the consequences of his actions, but he is that way because of the life he was forced to lead. He falls into consistent patterns because he craves control, even if those patterns are self destructive. It’s proof of the little growth he was allowed during the course of MTMTE/LL that after their quest was over, he didn’t attempt suicide again but instead got into the revolving door of incarceration for petty offenses. 

All in all, Whirl is one of the saddest characters in any media I’ve consumed and please someone get this despicable bastard helicopter a new therapist and a stiff drink 

[romanceboys]

(interview) cosmopolitan korea november issue 2020 — shining visual, shinee key

1. agreeing to have a magazine photoshoot scheduled a week after discharge must not have been an easy decision. i tried my best to not look like the military had changed me during my service. people don’t notice when you’re in a good condition, but when you come out in a poor state, they notice right away. this will probably be my last schedule for the month of october. i want to rest for a bit. 2. that's understandable. how was your military life? what i gained from the army were health and people. while i was in the military band, i came across many non-celeb friends, especially young friends who did music. it was an opportunity to learn about what people like these days. though adjusting was hard, it was fun.  3. some say that the mandatory service is like a vacation for workaholic idols. would you sympathise? vacation doesn’t seem like the right word, rather i was able to live a planned life. there was time dedicated to resting, training, sleeping, etc., a daily routine. i liked having to live doing things regularly.  4. for key, dancing and singing are a given, but you do more than the usual with acting, variety tv, musicals, etc. i’m curious about whether you tend to showcase only what you’ve gotten good at on your own, since you’re smart, or is it the result of your ceaseless efforts? besides music, i think the rest is just packaged well. though i can’t make it look like i’m doing really well when i do things poorly, it’s got to do with good marketing too. i also think i have a good grasp of how to look like i’m doing well. 5. it’s said that people who are lively and can express themselves definitively end up incurring the public’s wrath at least once, but over the course of 13 years, there was no such happening. others might not know, but i was aware of many of my failures. there were several shows that i didn’t stand out in, or many times when neither talking nor singing worked. through such experiences i think i was able to cultivate my judgement. 6. all celebrities showcase themselves, but they don’t do so without hesitation. comparatively, key tends to express himself naturally. and so, ‘naturally-talented celebrity,’ one with many talents, comes to mind.  had i stayed still and not shown myself, i don’t know what would have happened. i probably wouldn’t have been able to shoot for a photoshoot like today’s either. i’m the type of person who has to do multiple things simultaneously. for instance, i was able to do <amazing saturday - do re mi market> after 10 years of debut. through this program, there were many who most likely saw me and my personality for the first time. but had i not done it, would there be many people curious about me when i’m not in the public’s eye? of course not. though there are people who can arouse the public’s curiosity just by staying still, i don’t think i’m one of them. 7. your objective assessment of yourself is quite cold. i learned that the more you keep denying yourself, the more uncomfortable it gets. there are those who set an absolute standard for themselves and even improve by working towards it, but i don’t think i fall into that category. i came to a realisation by trying out things this way and that way, and then by staying still. in the end, i learned that being passive wasn’t the answer. even if i like my career as a celebrity, it’s meaningless if the people don’t like me. 8. what’s your judgement criteria for making choices? back in the day, i would do things people would like even if i disliked it. but now if i’m unsure about it, i don’t do it. i realised that forcing myself to do something in such an ambiguous state would not make a huge difference to my life. but you never know. i’m saying this now but then i might end up taking on many things randomly. however, what’s certain is the need for something new.  9. in the ‘solitary chatroom’ fans asked about your plans following discharge, to which you replied “i’ll probably be doing something?” have you not found something new to do yet? i’m troubled over whether to start youtube or not. i doubt people will be curious about my unbroadcasted, ‘off’ (-camera) appearance. the problem isn’t whether to start youtube or not, it’s the how that is important too. i haven’t found the answer to whether i can do it unabashedly. while competing with professional youtubers, i don’t even know if my content will be competitive enough. i’ve been deliberating for a long time. 10. after seeing you and your fans converse like friends in the ‘solitary chatroom,’ i felt that you adore each other. it took a long time for me to reach the point where i could show myself to the fans to my heart’s content. the fans must have waited for a long time too. in the past, i was focused on presenting myself to the public. i did take care of my fans back then too, but i thought it was more meaningful for me to show new people new things. whereas, now i know that if i continue to tread in the right manner, people who like me will continue to like me. it seems more proper to deliver high-quality content to those who are waiting for me. 11. it’s your 13th year of debut. i think you might feel beyond colleague camaraderie for the shinee members. whether we like it or not, i think it’s affection. it's all inevitable and natural. it’s difficult to answer questions that ask about how much i love the members or how close we are. it’s like asking one how much they love their mother. neither colleagues, nor friends, nor family; it’s a relationship that is hard to describe. 12. one idol vented, “it’s upsetting that idols are given secondhand treatment despite being young for the years of experience they have.” have you ever had these thoughts? of course. but i do get why people think that way. it’s because they must have seen them working as idols for a long time. if that’s the case, then they (idols) should switch it up; towards something different, something that’s enjoyable to the public. on that note, rain and lee hyori seniors are quite cool and amazing. while continuing to dance and sing, they’ve chosen to keep up with the times as well. 13. it seems like key possesses the perspective of a content creator rather than an artist.  i think the duties of an artist seem to be gradually increasing. youtube has become as popular as the television these days. that’s why i believe one should be able to adapt. 14. is there an unexpected side to you that people don’t know of? i have a simple side to myself, but people don’t seem to know about it. haha. i mentioned this to my military juniors as well that i prefer receiving a letter over presents. i feel like people are burdened by the idea that it’s a must to buy me something nice. of course, since they only see me on sns or tv, they might feel that way, but i’m truly a simple person. 15. what is key’s definition of a break? it’s thinking no thoughts. when i’m having fun or sleeping, i don’t think about work. that moment itself becomes my break. in our line of work, i believe we can change the quality depending on how much we involve ourselves in the process. and so, obviously, you end up with a lot to think about. when i watch a movie, i end up projecting myself onto the character; when i listen to music, i wonder about the song. back in the day, i couldn’t watch audition survival programs at all. because my hands and feet would tremble. this happened so naturally. that’s why i don’t have a tv at home. i only watch what i want to watch separately. 16. when do you feel that you’re a pretty decent person? (there has been) many a time when i like myself but the word decent is making me quite worried. haha. honestly, i’ve had a group of friends for 10 years now. they come running whenever i call them, even if people curse me out i feel nothing when these friends are around. going by the friends i have then, i’m not that terrible of a person, am i? i actually feel the sorriest towards the people who work with me. i can’t help but say things they’d dislike since it’s necessary for work. but seeing how i’m concerned over this itself makes me a pretty decent person, doesn’t it? haha. 17. as i listen to you talk, you seem very simple-minded but also a deeply complex person. being simple-minded is the easiest thing yet the hardest. you have to give up on a lot but can’t because it’s hard and scary. i came to this realisation naturally without any wake up call.  18. do you feel burdened by the fact that your future as shinee key depends on the choices you make now? no. it’s been a long time since i set goals for myself. i believe i will continue to find more work if i do the things i’m assigned without disappointing others. when i was young, i never once thought i’d become the key i am today. it’s just that now there are more people who favourably view my choices than before, so i expect it’ll be the same in the future. 19. only a confident person would be able to say that. i’m easily frightened but i don’t dread. i worry thinking ‘is this right?’ but when it comes down to making a decision i do it conclusively. people who dread a lot don’t take risks, but those with fears don’t run away.

translated by romanceboys — take out with full credit (source)

[yenafmd]

— RESTRUCTURING TASK 001: change

word count: 271 + 289 + 287 + 284 + 292 + 272 = 1695 reward: +5 tracker points

assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different? these can be as small as an opinion on a song they hadn’t released previously or as big as a major change in their background.

yena has undergone quite some changes, most of them directly relating to toning her down by... a lot. most of this is thanks to the change in calypso’s backstory, where gal.actic’s concept change was rather abrupt and extreme, calypso’s is a little more balanced, throwing yena a little less off-guard. it has lead to a more natural evolution for yena to grow into her image as an artist and her own person. in famed 1.0, yena’s hypersexualized personality was very much a means of survival, having to completely swap around her mindset and construct a persona that could protect her mental wellbeing from doing something so far out of her comfort zone. none of that really applies anymore in famed 2.0, expect was a bit daunting at first sure but she felt appropriately ready to take on the change and their following comebacks have generally been a little less extreme than a lot of gal.actic’s concepts originally were. so a lot of yena’s personality is a lot more well-balanced and natural, less poorly concealed poor coping mechanisms and more genuine confidence. because their switch in concept was more gradual and she was less traumatized by it, yena also hasn’t grown as resentful and bitter towards calypso (though i’ll get more into depth about that in the next question). with the restructuring yena is al around in a much more balanced place in her life which has a great pay-off on her wellbeing and general life satisfaction, she’s much happier about the place she’s in in her life than she previously was, though she will always remain a fun-loving little wild child.

what does your muse think of their company and their group?

unlike local gal.actic anti nam yena, yena 2.0 adores calypso. the biggest reason i shortly touched upon in the previous answer, being significantly less traumatized and disillusioned by the idol industry means she hasn’t projected those feelings of hurt on calypso either, making her a whole lot less repulsed from the group. she’s the youngest member and has been with calypso for a long time, at the same time, her relationship with her actual family is strained something that made her sad at first and these days mainly angers her. because of that, she relied on calypso a lot, especially in her more formative teenage years. at this point, she’s more grown up and indepdent, not needing calypso to hold her hand and raise her as much anymore but there is a very deep rooted sense of respect and gratefulness towards them, even if she doesn’t vocalize it very often. yena is very happy in calypso and she’s very happy to continue for a long while if they’re allowed. towards dimensions entertainment, yena is a lot more... indifferent. she likes them as much as most idols like their company, which isn’t that much. she’s less outright in her hated as, again, there is less deep-rooted resentment about her idol career but that doesn’t mean she likes them. her feelings towards dimensions are probably most accurately describe as simply carelessness, as careless as an idol can get away with being that is. she doesn’t really care for what dimensions has to say or how they feel ab her life choices or whatever, she does her job and in return, they don’t disband calypso, that’s all their agreement is. she does side-eye them a little for all the military performances though.

is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract?

calypso is on their second contract by now and admittedly, yena feels a little bit silly about her stance back when they renewed their contract. she doesn’t regret signing it, she firmly stands by that decision, but a part of her had hoped that with their second contract, calypso would finally see their big break through. sure, they had started off on the wrong foot with their debut but they had come a long way since, yena had hoped that would come with a new wave of interest as they turned a new page. that unfortunately never really happened, calypso remaining at the level of not quite relevant that they were in their first term (for now, but yena doesn’t know that yet). still. she doesn’t regret it, as much as dimensions is still very much a company, a business created to make profit and care little for their idols as people, yena has to admit they have been generous, not only with not getting rid of calypso just yet as they failed to garner steady interest but also with the plenty of solo opportunities she’s been offered from acting roles to brand deals to photoshoots. from a business perspective, sticking with dimensions has always been a sound decision and it has remained to be that up until this point, making their relationship on a strictly professional level something she doesn’t have much to complain about. calypso has three more years left on their current contract so it’s a bit soon to think about it but as long as things remain the way they are, yena is very positive towards resigning her contract, hopefully with calypso but also as an individual if it comes down to that.

what are your muse’s goals and motivations?

yena has simply always liked stardom, seemingly the type that is just made to be famous. she has a liking for all things fancy and pretty and glamorous and expensive, a lifestyle that’s not exactly easy to maintain without a certain status and income. tthe ease with which she picks up new idol and entertainment related skills also very much speaks for how she was more or less made to do this, be it singing dancing or rapping (all respectively with her three lead positions) or in brancing out in modeling, acting, variety, hosting, what not, yena seems to quickly find her way doing new things and developing new skills and making them her own, the sort of radiant, confident energy that shines the best up on stages under the spotlight or under the watching lense of a camera while on set to film. something in her has just always been drawn to it, be it the lavish lifestyle, the seemingly endless stream of attention (and yena looooves attention) or the fact that entertainment and showbiz have just always interested her, something about it feels right. if asked to explain it in more eloquent terms, yena probably couldn’t, it’s a feeling more than anything else. all she can tell you is that it makes her happy and that as someone who in her childhood never particularly stood out in what her family wanted for her, being an idol simply feels right. so her goal is mainly to do exactly do that, to continue to do what she does now, a little bit of everything, some acting here, a photoshoot there, a calypso comeback there and who knows... maybe even a solo debut one day.

what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future?

the biggest conflict yena faces is finding the balance between calypso and her personal career. like stated previously, she loves calypso, adores them and they hold an absolutely precious place in her heart, that much remains unchanged. and she enjoys their music, she enjoys working together with the girls and being on stage with them but a hardened, realistic part of her knows that from a career perspective, calypso doesn’t have much to offer her (or well, so she thinks now, she has no idea what’s in store for them but well, how could she know). yena is looking for growth, both in breadth and depth, she wants to do new exciting things and further develop the skills she has with new opportunities in those fields. her solo career is very promising in that aspect, well-established in multiple fields and receiving love calls left and right with new opportunities. at times, yena can’t feel bad, guilty perhaps, very aware that she seems more excited for her solo opportunities than her work with her group at times. again, she enjoys calypso and their work but that sense of happiness feels more... passive than the excitement her personal work brings her. yena knows that at times, she does calypso short, that her singing or dancing is more less likely to suffer due to being busy or tired than she would ever let happen to a day of filming or something like that. she feels bad about it but at the same time, she does have to be realistic and think about her future, calypso might make her happier but it doesn’t help her grow much at this point. as much as she loves her members, she has to think about her future too right?

if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why.

yena couldn’t be more over the moon about the career she has established for herself throughout the years. she’s done a lot of different things in her career, something she’s incredibly glad about. yena has never been the type to be the best at something but she is good at a broad arrange of things, something she prides herself in. mainly established as an actress and a model outside of calypso, she gets to do a lot of things and experience a lot of stuff she wouldn’t traditionally expect in her group. the acting part came first, with a role in the heirs back in 2013 and well... modelling kind of followed up on that naturally, garnering attention for her pretty, doll-like visuals and she’s been doing both side by side ever since, having starred in a handful of dramas and representing a bunch of different brands. she hopes to continue to do both of those things, enjoying both modelling and acting a lot, there is a lot in those fields she still wants to do. though, admittedly, while she doesn’t want to be greedy, yena does hope she gets to partake in some individual activities that are geared a little closer to traditional idol skills. she knows she’s not the best singer or best dancer or best rapper of the group, those are skills all attributed to her unnies, but she could maybe release some solo music too no? surely there would be a target audience for that. she became an idol to perform, maybe one day she’ll get to prove she’s capable of doing that on her own merits too.

[heyjude19-writing]

Im the list anon again and boy do I have more for you but this time I also have some questions as well if your time allows and you are willing to answer of course. First with the other things I loved:

1) the fact that Ron warmed up to Draco so quickly! I genuinely think thats so much in character. Ron is not a distrustful person and as a middle child as they come is very easygoing and would for sure make stupid jokes at Draco

2) The patronus. My god the Patronus. I seriously put the phone down and made a small slow clap during that chapter. At first I was like hmmmm *insert unsure kombucha girl face* because almost all fanfics have him with a dragon patronus and leave it at that (and lets be honest at this point my expectations of you were quite high dont blame me blame your bloody brilliant writing) but then, and I dont know if you did this on purpose or not (I have a feeling you did) but the fact that the dragon was the same (pale white) wounded but still feral dragon that Hermione FREEED (!) from a bank (£££) dungeon, malnourished and used for its nature, surrounded by darkness, wealth and misery!! And it was Hermione who broke its chains!!!!! Is just *chefs fucking kiss* slow clap*

3) the way you describe sex scenes are so natural! Ive never read a fanfic or book that doesnt make me gag a little bit (I am not a fan of smut at all but ill go with it because of a good story) until I read yours. Its so simple but yet intricate and you make the entire act so intriguing and normal and intimate. Bravo.

4) I LOVE SASHA. I love that Theo fell for her head over heels and the way you portrayd her reminded me of a friend of mine who works as a sous-chef in London so I always pictured her when reading it!

5) Dracos inner voice is ON POINT. Like I genuinely think you shoud own the rights to that character now.

6) Ill say it again. I love Ginny. You should also own the rights to her character too.

7) my interest for Quiddich (even when reading the books/wathcing the movies) was on par, if not lower than Hermiones. You managed to get me interested in that too so yes another slow clap to you

7.1) Also such a clever career for Draco!! Made si much sense!

Now to some questions

A) What was the deal with Malfoy referring to Ginny as Weasly and refusing to aknowledge her Potter surname. And why did everyone kept correcting him? It was hilarious granted but I wanted to know whether the reason you included this time and time again had to do wih something deeper? Or was this included as just a funny recurring joke?

B) Why did you choose for Draco to have a “fantasy” to produce a patronus and not for example for him to have had to do that after theyd exchanged “i love yous”. Very interesting angle and i liked that it was sort of a loophole to all the ‘death eaters cant have patronuses’ but quite curious on the thought process

C) Why did you opt for Draco to remove his mark? Do you think that stands as reward for him more or for Hermione? Very smart solution by the way

D) if you have the time- Could you please elaborate a tad more on what the soul-bonding means? Why was it so taboo? At furst hand it seems like a very romantic/amazing thing to do with your partner right?

Lastly- Do you ever itch to make a second part to this? And in the most acceptable case that you dont, I always wondered what you had in mind for them in the future- because of the soul bonding thing, you mentioned that the generational curses will be erased, which means I guess that the Malfoys can have more than one child now, and girls as well. (I cannot believe im asking for this as I am the one to avoid any pregnancy fanfics but) do you imagine them with children and if yes, how many? How do they integrate muggle devices(I know youd agree wit me that Hermione would definitively bring some muggle stuff over!) and which devices would Draco really secretly like?

Pleasewriteasecondpartwhereyouelaborateyourthoughtsonthisthankyou.

Ok rant done. :D

List anon! You’re back with another amazing ask. I’ll do my best!

1.) I like to think Ron matured a lot post-war (not enough to stop making terrible jokes, though.)

2.) Regarding your beautiful analysis of my specific dragon breed for Draco’s patronus: How many points would you like for your Hogwarts house of choice? I will add that according to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, the Ironbelly’s scales are normally a metallic grey. I will also add that I subscribe more to book canon than movie canon. In the book version of events of the Gringotts escape, Harry breaks the chains and Hermione (with eventual help once the boys catch on) destroys the ceiling so it can have a way out. The partially blind dragon does the rest of the work on its own.

3.) Thank you, that’s very flattering.

4.) Does your friend also get you into fancy restaurants and can they make salted caramel bread pudding???

5.) Thank you, it was one of my favorite aspects of writing this story.

6.) Thank you, she’s so fun to write and flesh out from her book portrayal.

7.) Haha, I felt so validated by that line of dialogue in Cursed Child when Draco tells Harry he wanted to play quidditch professionally, but wasn’t good enough.

Now to some answers:

A.) It’s definitely a recurring joke. It’s up to the reader to interpret Draco’s actions here: is he doing it to be a massive troll? Or is he genuinely not retaining the information of her married name because he considers this fact so unimportant that he does not bother to keep it in his brain? Troll, snob, or both, you can decide!

B.) I’ll address the second part of this first, because it was not intended as a loophole. I 1000% do not understand the “death eaters can’t have patronuses” thing. It makes absolutely no sense. Snape has a Patronus. But beyond that… Umbridge has a Patronus (a cat). If we’re letting that woman have a Patronus, then yeah, I think Draco can cast one. As for the vision that Draco used to conjure it… up to you whether that’s a fantasy or a glimpse of a certain ritual actually working. Draco’s thoughts on the matter: “An image of such striking tangibility that he might have already lived it, or perhaps experienced time in such a way that he lived it now.”

C.) I wanted Draco to have a choice, obviously a recurring theme for him in RN. For my characterization of him, that symbol on his arm causes him nothing but shame and self-loathing (see the end of chapter 36 during his heart-to-heart with Hermione). He’d already exercised almost every known avenue to rid himself of it before Hermione entered his life (he lists these in chapter 44). Hermione already loved him (and has told him so) by the time she’s figured out how to remove it: “I love the man you are today and I will love that man tomorrow, bare forearm or not. I simply wanted you, for once, to have the choice. It’s your body.”

D.) Ooh anon, you are tempting me here. I really hate to be coy, but you might see some future writing on this very topic.

I can at least answer the taboo part: I think soul magic in general (horcruxes, the use of unicorn blood) is quite taboo in the HP universe. As no one knows what happens after death (not even ghosts, Nearly Headless Nick says as much when Harry asks him point-blank in OoTP) I think most magical folk would think the intense ritual (blending magical cores) an unnecessary thing anyway. As Draco explains in chapter 48, since no one actually knows the effects or if it works, it’s considered a bit over-the-top since it’s probably futile anyway. It is also not a Vow with a death component; Narcissa is obviously alive in this story even though Lucius is already dead. I wrote the generational curse protection theory in as a dig at Cursed Child for the way they handled Astoria’s character.

The idea of it I think is romantic, but I will stress it is very dependent upon the intent of the two participants. To quote Draco in chapter 48 again: “To twine one’s soul to another showed a willingness to not only physically tether one’s self during your time here on earth, but to commit to a blending of your magical cores, putting faith in your magic to recognize its bonded counterpart in another life. Should other lives even exist.”

If you re-read Draco’s experience during the bonding ceremony in chapter 51 (starting from this bit: “The cognizance of his own powers never felt sharper, more familiar, but suddenly another power pulsed within to join with his.”) you might find it bears a resemblance to the trajectory of their relationship.

Lastly- I’ve left Draco and Hermione to their wedded bliss. I’ve got nothing planned for them beyond where they are in the final lines of chapter 51. I don’t have that itch to write more into their future because it would feel forced. Draco laid out his two envisioned futures with Hermione in chapter 48 when they discuss having or not having children. They are happy and content in the life they chose together. That’s all I ever wanted for them.

You will see more from this story though. I have an entire series of one-shots and outtakes from the published Remain Nameless timeline that I’ll start posting soon.

Thank you so much list anon! These were fun to answer!

[catinsatintrousers]

Tell what's your favorite songs of every each albums, whats the song you skip/don't like so much every time you hear it and the song you never skip or is fundamental to hear always. (From The beatles...of course)

PD: thanks at answer the previous question, was about soloist career of the boys. Poor Ringo, he wasn't lucky 💔 ¿What's your favorite song he sing in The beatles? Give him a last chance haha

wowie these questions are work anon! but I love doing it.

A favorite from each album! Whew okay this is very different from picking your nose.

P.S. I Love You, Please Please Me. Catchy and unique and Paul’s crooning voice melts me.

You’ve Really Got A Hold On Me, With The Beatles. I know this is a cover but I’m a sucker for those slow groove soul songs and John sings it with passion.

And I Love Her, A Hard Day’s Night. This was hard to choose over the Mclennon classic (If I Fell) but this is so soothing and romantic and its a song that really stands out from the rest of the album.

Every Little Thing, Beatles For Sale. This is such an underrated Mclennon song. I always imagine John is singing this about Paul and its very sweet.

I’ve Just Seen A Face, Help!. I used to not like this one for its folksy undertones but now I really dig it and one guy I knew called it the “perfectly structured song” so I guess I just started listening extra carefully and fell in love with it.

Norwegian Wood, Rubber Soul. We are getting into a territory of pure difficulty here. This song is perfect one of my all time faves. The guitar is unreal and I love the imagery this song creates.

Here There and Everywhere, Revolver. I mean come on. If this song is one of John’s favorites of Paul’s and its one of Paul’s favorites too, then it is also my favorite (from this album ofc). So beautiful.

When I’m Sixty Four, Sgt. Pepper’s LHCB. This song is jam packed. Love the lyrics. Love the message. Love the instruments. Love to sing it. Perfect wedding song. And its nostalgic.

Strawberry Fields Forever, Magical Mystery Tour. You can’t deny the genius of this song. Its just magic. As Paul said in the intro of In His Own Write, “Is he deep?”

Rocky Raccoon, The Beatles (White Album). Perfect example of Paul’s storytelling/character building abilities in songs. Very fun to play on guitar too!

Only A Northern Song, Yellow Submarine. I know this one is an oddball but I think its so funny. “If you’re listening to this song you may think the chords are going wrong but they’re not, we just wrote it like that.” 

I Want You (She’s So Heavy), Abbey Road. I know this song is long but the bass kicks and its practically two songs in one! Just pure groove. Also Mclennon ofc.

I Me Mine, Let It Be. George is singing truths here. And he sounds just lovely doing it.

As for one I never skip: In My Life! It is probably my favorite. Its got to be the most beautiful song John’s written for the Beatles. It was my parents’ wedding song as well so its also got sentimental value. One I do skip: Birthday. Just cause its a little repetitive. I did, however, put it on first thing when it was my actual birthday last week lol. One of my faves by Ringo: Act Naturally as a Beatles Ringo song, but also Back Off Boogaloo from Goodnight Vienna. His drumming in that just makes me want to dance. (thanks for giving me another chance on him anon!) Thanks for the questions! Sorry I can’t keep them short, I can’t fight the urge to explain my choices lol. 

[lia-jones]

Growing Together - Chapter 18 - What We Leave Behind

“Listen carefully, my love. You don’t get a say about your life. You don’t get a say about that baby’s life. You don’t even get to decide where you go. I’m the one who decides who stays and who goes, and I decide who gets to live. Let me tell you what I have decided.”

I tried to focus on the file again, trying to let the numbers printed on it grab me. It was useless, I couldn’t concentrate on work. I put the file aside and turned on the TV. I let my eyes zone out on the image, I had no idea what was on. My mind was somewhere else already.

Victor didn’t tell me much about the conversation he had with Gavin after the double date, acting evasive every time I asked, trying to distract me with other subjects. I knew that I wouldn’t get a lot from him, at best a censored version of the truth, so I went straight to the horse’s mouth. I called Mia. Although she seemed very uncomfortable talking about it, most likely coached by Victor to keep silent about it, I managed to pull from her whatever I needed to know.

Apparently, Daniel had seen the article about my engagement and planned his crime very carefully. He bribed one of the caterer workers to gain entrance to the venue, posing as paparazzi. He climbed the tree next to the reception tent, and waited, rifle in hand, hiding from the commotion. His plan was to shoot me as we entered the reception tent, and then run to his hotel room and kill himself. If not for Mia’s careful eye for details, spotting some of the tree decorations fallen on the ground, and if not for her cool head, calling Gavin discreetly and sending us away from danger without as much as a peep, I would have been dead. I owed Mia my life. From that moment on, I was more than willing to give her any interview, any article she could ask for, without hesitation. She was the reason Victor still had a wife, and I lived to see the day I would become a mother. She was the reason Daniel was in prison, unable to hurt me anymore.

It didn’t really surprise me that Daniel would try something. To be honest, I was more appalled as to how I could forget about him. The last time I had seen Daniel, I had faced him for once and practically humiliated him, and Victor had made some very real threats. Obviously he wouldn’t just quit, especially now that his ego was hurt. He wasn't the kind of person to just let that go.

Despite my best efforts to build myself a new life, Daniel had become my curse and I would never be able to get rid of him. It was like I had been invisibly branded, and every time I would find relief and happiness, he would come to remind me that he could still hurt me, that he still owned me in some way. No matter how many roles I played in my life, the happy wife, the mother, the successful career woman, a part of me would always be the battered girlfriend. That was my burden to bear, and I felt like I would have to carry it until my very last breath.

However, there was a silver lining: Daniel was in jail for attempted murder, and he would remain there for at least a couple of years. For now, I was safe, and I could go on living my life. And that’s exactly what I planned to do: live the present and leave the past behind the best I could.

“A penny for your thoughts?”

I jumped from my seat on the sofa, surprised to see my husband looking at me with an amused expression.

“Jesus, where did you come from?”

“Where did you come from?” He chuckled. “You were so distracted you didn’t even notice I sat down beside you.”

“Nowhere in particular.” I took a good look at Victor, noticing his ruffled disheveled hair, the loose tie on his neck, the dark circles under his shiny eyes. “How was work?”

“Are you still worried about that piece of scum?” Victor insisted. “He is in jail, and he won’t leave for a very long time. You have nothing to worry about, I will not let anyone hurt my family.”

“I know.” I moved closer to him, combing his hair with my fingers. “It just… reminded me of old wounds.” I downplayed it. “Now tell me, what was so important that I had to spend my evening minus a husband?”

“A meeting with the board of directors.” He pulled me closer to him. “How did it go with Olive? Do you have a date for releasing the final study?”

“Yeah, we decided to do it next year. There is still a lot of data to be analyzed and there are some cases I want to follow more closely.”

“That’s excellent news.” He gave me a mischievous smile. “I plan on making you a very busy woman this year.”

“Sure, since I’m so tired of twiddling my thumbs.” I joked. “What’s on your mind?”

“I want your educated opinion on creating a branch in Europe. In France, to be more precise.”

“You’re thinking about expanding?” I leaned back, surprised. It was the natural next step, business was going well overseas, but he never mentioned it.

“Do you think the timing is wrong?” He frowned.

“As your consultant, I think the timing is perfect.” I answered, putting on my CEO shoes. “LFG is investing more and more in Europe, it’s only natural that it localizes the operations there. Additionally, companies will trust us more if we are neighbors, even if distant ones. And France is a fertile market for the foreseeable future. It’s a brilliant choice of location for a first branch.”

Victor studied my expression.

“And my wife, what does she think?”

I raised my eyebrows, letting out a heavy sigh.

“Things will be pretty hectic.” I looked down. “You will have to travel a lot. We just got Owen.”

Victor’s lips curved in an understanding smile as he ran his hand softly on my hair.

“Not as much as you would think.” His voice was warm and hushed. “I will always find time for us, no matter how busy I get.”

“Promise?”

“You have my word.” He gave me an earnest look, followed by a playful nudge. “Although it will be nice to not always have an ankle biter bossing me around.”

I pulled him closer, my lips almost touching his.

“Admit it, you can’t live without me.” I whispered.

He brushed my lips with his, his eyes dark with passion.

“Got me there.”

Business in the financial world runs fast, but when it came to LFG and CEO Victor Lee, it surely ran faster: my husband wasn’t one to spend his time on something unless it gave him some kind of advantage. Since LCG was LFG’s consultant, and I already knew the market very well, it was no surprise when, a few days later, I found myself surrounded by folders of potential French clients and my schedule packed with meetings for LFG France. In fact, everyone was a lot busier than usual, and it would be normal for some exhaustion to start to show, but surprisingly, there was more of a feeling of excitement in building something new. My team was clearly up to their heads with work, but they were also happy and willing to help out in whatever way they could.

“Alright, so this is it for today. Go home and get some rest.” I concluded yet another meeting with my analysis team. “If you have any questions, either look for me, or Diane, if I am stranded in a meeting. Do not hesitate to ask for help when in doubt. These clients are crucial for us now and we can’t allow for any slip-ups. Got it?”

Everyone nodded, while they gathered their belongings and left the room. I also took my things, going to my office to answer some last minute emails until Victor came from picking Owen from school. At my office door stood a very nervous Kenny.

“You have someone here to see you.” He announced, looking jumpy.

“Well, it can’t be Victor, he left to pick Owen up.” I joked, knowing how nervous my husband made him.

“No… Actually… The lady says she’s your son’s grandmother?”

I felt the blood freezing in my veins. The woman my son’s mother had run away from all her life, the one she had tried to hide her son from, had found us. And God only knew what she had in mind.

I took my phone and stared at it for a moment, wondering if I should call Victor. He was probably driving to Owen’s school, he wouldn’t be much help, and all I would manage was to worry him. The best would be just to talk to the woman and find out what she wanted.

“Send her in.” I prepared myself for battle. I didn’t know what she wanted, but it was probably no good.

From what I had read from Rebbeca’s letter, I imagined her mother much differently than how she presented herself. She was elegant, well dressed, hair impeccable and sporting perfectly natural make-up. She didn’t seem like someone who had given birth in an old car, or who had lived in a trailer park with a drunken boyfriend that molested her daughter. If anything, she looked like my mother.

“Thank you for seeing me, Mrs. Lee.” She calmly extended her hand. “Pamela Cole.”

“How can I help you?” I cut to the chase, uninterested in pleasantries.

“I heard you are going to adopt my grandson, Owen.” She looked at the chair in front of my desk, waiting for me to invite her to sit. I didn’t sit either. She wasn’t welcome there, and I wanted to make this visit as brief as possible.

“That still doesn’t tell me why you are here.” I retorted, unwilling to let my guard down.

“I want to see my grandson.” She asserted.

“No.” It came out before I could stop it.

“He is my grandson. I have the right.” She shot back.

“Why now? He spent a year in an orphanage, you never tried to see him once.”

“I didn’t know my daughter had passed away. It was only when I hired a private investigator to look for her that I found the truth.” Her voice caught on her throat. “My poor baby.”

I kept silent, looking at her, my walls fully up. She fidgeted with her purse.

“I imagine Owen is doing well with his new family, and I will be the last to interfere with that.” She continued with a pleading tone. “I just want to see him once. I want him to know that I exist, that he has a background. So one day, when he is older, if he wants to find out more about his family of origin or his mother, I can tell him all about her.”

“His mother spent her very short life trying to keep him away from you. She specifically said the social services shouldn’t look for the next of kin.” I gave her my best hard look. Her eyes instantly filled with tears.

“I can’t say I was a good mother, I was not. I was a terrible mother, because I had a terrible mother myself and I didn’t know how to be a good one.” A tear escaped her eyes. “I became a monster, with a heart filled with hatred and selfishness. But if I didn’t give, it was because I didn’t have anything to give.”

She paused for a moment, trying to compose herself. Despite my best efforts to keep my defenses up, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her.

“All the mistakes I made, I paid for them.” Tears kept rolling down her face. “I have lost my child, can you imagine a greater price to pay? She was all I had left that was good in my life, and I sought her out to ask for her forgiveness, only to find out she was dead. Owen is all I have left. Let me at least see him once, and ask him for forgiveness.”

I didn’t know what to say, torn between protecting my son and giving him a chance to meet his real family. I looked at the time, it was 5:50. I took my coat from the hanger, moving towards the door.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Cole, but I need to ask you to leave, I-”

“You are a mother now, you know what it feels like.” She held my hand. “If you did wrong to your son, and his son was the only thing you had left of him, wouldn’t you do everything to make it right? Owen is my last chance. A visit, that’s all I ask.”

My phone buzzed, it was a text from Victor.

We are almost there. Get ready.

“Mrs. Cole, if you want to do right by your daughter, respect her wishes. Stay away from Owen. Now, If you’ll excuse me, I have to leave.” I opened the door of my office, waiting for her to exit.

I was suddenly out of breath, my mind reeling with the new events. I tried hard to make sense of what had happened, tried to reach a conclusion but none would come. I just could feel the tightness in my chest. When I looked at my hands, they were shaking.

For some reason, I couldn’t tell Victor right away. On the drive home, I let myself sit on the luxurious leather upholstery, go only where my mind wanted me to go, watching the city lights outside, the banter between Victor and Owen as background to my thoughts.

“Mr. Sawyer called me to his office again today.” That piece of information quickly took me out of my stupor.

“Again?” I couldn’t help the venom in my voice. “What did that idiot want?”

Victor glanced at me sideways, surprised by my sudden outburst.

“What did he want?” He asked, his tone way calmer than mine.

“To apologize for accusing me of stealing the geode.” Owen chirped, happy. “I said it was ok, that Mom always says we should be forgiving with ignorant people, they don’t know better.”

Victor let out a hearty laughter. Me, on the other hand, could feel the blood rise to my cheeks.

“You said it like that?” I turned to my son, stunned. “What did he say?”

“He got really red and sent me to recess.” Owen shrugged. “Did I do something wrong?”

“You did absolutely nothing wrong.” Victor chimed in. “You didn’t say he was ignorant. If the shoe fits, it’s his problem.”

“So you support this?” I glared incredulously at Victor. “Like father, like son: no filter whatsoever.”

Victor was too amused to care for my scolding, still chuckling at Owen’s boldness. I resumed my meditative state. I felt exhausted.

“It wasn’t that bad.” He took his hand from the gear shift, lacing his fingers with mine. “But Mom is right, Owen. Although some things may be true, doesn’t mean we should say them.”

“Thank you.” I pretended to be upset, but couldn’t help my smile. “I wish I was there to see it.”

“To be a fly on the wall…” Victor declared, making us both laugh.

Back at home, helping Victor cook dinner and hearing about his day, I was able to relax a little. Victor in the kitchen was a totally different person, relaxed and witty, making silly puns to make me or Owen laugh, or humming some tune while he prepared the food. It was a treat to see him like that, juggling spice jars and tapping the lids of the pots with spoons, letting all his silliness come out for us to see. I couldn’t help but watch him in endearment, laughing to myself when he would catch me staring and blush slightly, my heart slowly letting go of all the problems, focused on feeling this bliss instead.

However, as we were kissing Owen goodnight, the tightness in my chest returned. I had to tell Victor about the unexpected visit I got, and I had no idea how to go about it. Whose side was I on? Part of me found that Owen had the right to know more about his family of origin, his culture, his heritage, and even build a healthy bond with his grandmother. If she really had changed, if she saw the error in her ways, they both deserved that chance. But what if she didn’t change? What if I would open a door, only to have a lot of ugliness coming into our lives, into my son’s life? I couldn’t risk that.

I went to the kitchen under the pretense of making us tea to give my heart some time to figure out all it was feeling. And to build the courage to tell Victor. My guess was he wouldn’t like it one bit.

“Are you listening?” He startled me once again, making me drop the wooden box I was holding, sending tea bags everywhere.

“Bell. You definitely need that bell.” I snapped, while I arranged the tea bags back in the box. “What were you saying?”

“You’ve been acting strange since I picked you up from work.” I could feel his eyes studying me as I turned to get the boiling water. “Something is clearly upsetting you.”

“Upsetting me? No, what makes you say I’m upset?” I played dumb, trying to buy myself some time.

“You rub your forehead when you’re upset.” He said matter-of-factly. “Will you tell me why?”

“Which flavor do you want?” I showed him the box, unable to look at him for some reason.

“Why are you upset?” He insisted. “Is it still because of that spineless prick?”

I sighed in resignation, knowing all too well Victor would not drop the subject, especially knowing he was on to something. Apparently he understood that I was about to spill the beans, as he patiently waited for me to finish preparing the tea and sit on the counter next to him.

“Someone came to visit me today.” I started.

“Can you please get to the point already?” He was starting to get exasperated. “Who visited you?”

I braced myself for impact, not really sure why.

“Owen’s grandmother.”

Victor stared at me for a moment, although I knew he wasn’t seeing me at all. I could almost hear the wheels turn inside his head, analyzing all the implications of such a visit. In a second, his relaxed expression was gone, replaced with a steely look and his characteristic poker face.

“What does she want?” Victor’s eyes were set on the counter as he spoke, cold and emotionless.

“She says she has changed, and was looking for her daughter to reconcile, when she found she was dead. She wants to see Owen.”

“You told her no.” It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t a statement. It almost felt like a warning.

“I told her Rebecca didn’t want her seeing Owen, and that she should respect her wishes.”

“Did she say anything about the adoption?”

“Only that she knew we were adopting him and she knew he was safe, and that she wouldn’t interfere with it.” I sighed. “Victor, I think she has really changed. She wants to do well by Owen.”

“You want to let her see him?” He frowned at me.

And there it was, the reason why I had been so nervous the entire time. I was indeed inclined to facilitate things, and I knew Victor wouldn’t be. I was afraid we would fight.

“You believe in her?” He raised his voice, seeing I was hesitant to answer.

“I believe people can make terrible mistakes, but they can also change. I’ve seen it countless times with my mother’s patients.” I kept my tone calm, hoping Victor would adjust his. “Besides, it’s his grandmother.”

“Correction: it’s his abusive grandmother, who his mother tried to keep away from him. In fact, we have a letter stating exactly that, that she doesn’t want her mother near her son. So no, she doesn’t get to visit him.”

I suddenly remembered the reason why I came to Loveland, to make a life for myself, to let go of my past, and still it followed me wherever I went. And even though the circumstances were different, even though Pamela was the abuser and not the abused, I couldn’t help but feel angry at the thought that she was trying to do the same thing I did, make a better life for herself, only to have her past following her as well. And that, I could not tolerate.

“So what? She gets endless punishment for her sins? She doesn’t have the right to turn her life around, correct her mistakes?”

“Not this again, Andrea.” He shook his head. “This is just like my father, you wanted us to allow him to get closer, look where it brought us.”

“So now I’m supposed to take the blame for your father’s actions?” I raised my voice. “All I wanted was for you to have a good relationship with him! All I did was for your happiness!”

“I almost punched my father on our wedding day! How much happiness do you think that brought me?”

“Well, I’m sorry, Victor, I really am!” I threw my hands in the air. “I’m sorry I convinced you to give your father a second chance, and I’m sorry he didn’t take it! I am really sorry that he was such a prick, but that is not an excuse to act like one!”

My voice echoed through the apartment, only to be met with silence. Victor stared at me, eyes wide, surprised at my outburst, while I paced back and forth, trying to calm myself down.

“We are going about this the wrong way.” He spoke softly after a while. “Come here.”

I kept on pacing.

“Andy, come here. I don't want to fight.” He pulled me by the wrist to stand in front of him. I couldn’t even look him in the eyes, still feeling somewhat frustrated.

“Look at me.” He held my chin softly, coaxing me into looking at him. “I don't blame you for my father’s actions, and I don’t blame you for trying to bring us closer. I know you meant well.”

Victor pulled me closer to him, enveloping me with his strong arms. I couldn’t help but melt in them, my anger suddenly gone.

“See, this is the exact reason why I fell in love with you, and incidentally why you fell in love with me. You have this ability to see the best in people, their potential, even if they can’t see it themselves.” He spoke into my hair, gently, while one of his hands laced its fingers with mine. “But sometimes, there is no best. There is no potential. Some people simply won’t change, even if they try to convince you they will. It’s just wishful thinking.”

I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of his chest. He wasn’t being a prick, he was being protective, like he always was. And I loved him for it.

“So maybe instead of a final no, we can decide for a not yet.” He continued. “I will do some research on the grandmother, see if she really turned her life around like she says she did. But until then, we respect Owen’s mother’s last wishes. What do you say?”

“I say I’m sorry.” My voice trembled slightly. “For calling you a prick. I don’t know why I’m so invested in this, but I am. I got carried away.”

“Because you have a kind heart and you believe in happy endings.” He smiled warmly at me. “There is nothing wrong with that.”

He was right. I did believe in happy endings. More than that, I desperately needed to believe in reinvention, and in becoming a better person, worthy of a better outcome. Because, in fact, that was all I was hoping for me. To let go of my past fully, and embrace my future with my new family. To fully let go of the Andrea I was before, and be the Andrea I fought so hard to be.

[prrplwtch]

May I ask for hc for brothers (and Diavolo with Barbatos, and Simion, Solomon) with their s/o who is crying after their first sex (because, you know, so many emotions) ❤❤❤

Hi nonnie :) Of course 💜For all these hcs I’m assuming mc is human

Lucifer

When MC starts crying, Lucifer is confused and concerned - he’s never encountered that before. He worries he might have hurt them. 

If he thinks that he hurt them, he starts feeling a lot of guilt. Would not be the first time that he hurt someone he loves.

Will try to ask if they are ok. 

When they say that they are crying because of all the emotion, he’ll be surprised, but will bring them in for a hug. 

He wants them to feel happy and safe and comfortable. 

It will take quite a bit of convincing for him to stop feeling like he’d hurt them.

Mammon

Oh, this boy will get scared once MC starts crying. “MC what happened? Are you ok? Are you hurt?”

Will not stop asking questions until MC assures him that the reason they are crying is because they are overwhelmed with emotion

Would not know how to react at first, but then would probably offer a hug. 

“Silly human - you are lucky the Great Mammon cares for you so.”

Will want to hold MC until MC stops crying. 

Likely won’t bring it up again for fear that MC will ask him how he felt - Mammon would not want to admit that he too was overcome with emotion.

Leviathan

Ok, Levi was not prepared for this. He’d watched plenty of romance anime, played plenty of games but this never happens. 

What is he going to do now? How is he going to explain why the human is crying in his room. 

Levi too almost feels like crying, but is trying to awkwardly console the human by petting them on the head. 

When MC tells him that they are crying because they are overcome with emotion, will blush very intensely. He too is overcome with emotion, after all. 

The two will likely sit together, quietly, just trying to gather themselves. 

Afterwards, cuddle session to make themselves feel better.

Satan

When MC starts crying, Satan is full of concern - he is worried that the reason for their tears is the fact that they regret sleeping with someone like him. 

He’ll likely feel very sad over it, but would still try to console MC. 

Likely won’t press for two many details, because in his head he’s already picturing all the worst case scenarios. 

When MC calms down and tells him that they are crying because of all the emotions they are feeling, Satan is extremely surprised. 

Will likely want to talk more about those emotions - he is quite curious about the way that others feel, after all. 

Probably a cuddle/reading session will follow, to make sure that they both feel better. 

Asmodeus

In the entirety of Asmo’s...romantic career this had never happened. No one cried (unless it was tears of joy) from sleeping with him. But the human seems to be crying and those tears do not look like tears of joy. 

So Asmo would probably half-worried half-offended. Surely, he cannot be bad in bed. Then what is it. 

Will ask MC what is wrong. Is not prepared to hear the answer, like at all. 

“You are crying because you are overwhelmed?”

Wants to laugh from happiness - of course MC would be overwhelmed, who would not after sleeping with someone like him. 

Will probably insist upon round two to make sure that MC is happy.

Beelzebub

Beel is really worried when after their first time MC starts crying. He is certain that it’s because he had hurt them. 

Will feel really guilty, all the while trying to console MC and make them feel better. 

Beel would be relieved, but incredulous, when he learns that MC is crying because their heart is so full of emotions. 

His heart is full of emotion too, but, somehow he is not crying. 

Will hug MC and hold them close to him, to make sure they are safe and happy. 

Will talk with MC until wee hours of the morning about anything and everything to make them comfortable. 

Belphegor

Belphie is quite perplexed by the reaction - he’d never encountered that before, he did not know that was even a thing. 

Still, he likes and cares for MC so he will try to ask them if something is wrong. 

When he learns the reason for their tears, is even more confused - he certainly never thought that this was a thing. 

Will try to comfort MC by offering them nice and soft cuddles. 

Belphie will hold MC in his arms until they stop crying and afterwards will likely cuddle them to sleep. 

Simeon

Angels are more attuned to emotions, so Simeon can actually tell that MC is not really sad - he can also feel the overwhelming cascade of emotions. 

So he simply holds MC without asking them any questions, until they finally stop crying. 

When MC tries to explain why they are crying, will tell them that he knows why. 

Will make sure that they are ok afterwards, and that they are comfortable. 

Simeon would hold MC in his arms all night, just so they would feel happy and safe. 

Solomon

Solomon knows that the “overwhelmed with emotion” is the kind of thing that happens to some people, so when MC starts crying he does not question it. 

He thinks it’s cute that they care so much, but he also thinks it a little bit funny and silly. 

He does not show it though because he knows that would not be appreciated. 

Acts pretty supportive - holds MC while they cry, afterwards asks if they are ok. 

He usually does not like sharing his bed with someone, but he’ll make an exception to make sure MC does not get sad. 

Diavolo

When faced with the crying MC, Diavolo wonders if that is something humans usually do. 

A part of him wants to see it play out - after all, he is quite curious about the human nature. But the other part of him wants to console MC, after all he cares for them quite a bit. 

So he consoles MC, asking if they are ok. 

When MC reveals reason for their tears, Diavolo has a hard time avoiding laughing - not because he wants to mock MC but because their reaction is so perfectly, so essentially human. 

Will comfort MC for as long as they need to. 

Barbatos

Barbatos is concerned when MC starts crying - he wonders if they were hurt or if they are regretting their choice. 

Still, as a perfect gentlemen, he’ll try his best to comfort MC. 

Upon learning the reason for their sadness, will feel greatly relieved, although he cannot help but think that it’s slightly silly. 

Will never let MC know that he thinks that, of course. 

Barbatos would make MC tea and hold them in his arms for as long as they want to. 

HC list

[thebonggirll]

Chapter 26 - New Bonds

Chapter 25

When everything was over and under control Y/N, Midoriya, Iida and Todoroki were taken to Hosu General Hospital. Since most rooms were occupied by those victims who got injured yesterday, everyone was kept in one room. Although she felt a bit uncomfortable with three other guys in the same room, she definitely slept like a baby after the little incident. Well, her training was brutal and she didn't want to waste a day where she's finally getting some sleep. Her side of the bed was fully covered with curtains. When she finally woke up, she rubbed her eyes and heard the conversation between the boys.

"Did you sleep Midoriya?" Todoroki asked.

"No, not really," Midoriya answered.

"I figured. Me neither."

"Thinking about the fight now, we did something pretty amazing."

"Yeah, I agree."

"After everything that happened back there, it kinda feels like a miracle that we are even alive. With my leg messed up, I was an easy target. He probably could've killed me if he really wanted to," Midoriya said, glancing at his wrapped up feet.

"Yeah, seems to me that he let both of us live in purpose. I am impressed by you though, Iida. He was actually trying to murder you but you stood tall," Todoroki said looking at Iida.

"That's not true. I was-" Iida got interrupted by a loud 'thud'.

"Uh...morning guys?" Y/N said.

"Wait, are you okay?! Did you get hurt?" Midoriya asked looking at her down on the floor.

"Yeah yeah I'm fine. I just got a little cramp on my legs for speeding up too much. I also had training yesterday, you know?" Y/N said getting up and walked to the bathroom to get freshen up. When she was done, she heard some voice outside the bathroom.

"There you are!" Baiji's angry voice entered her ears as soon as she got out of the bathroom.

"Oh shit," Y/N thought.

"I told all of you not to engage in fights! That was an order! What made you think you can just go out there and disobey what I said?!"

"But you said that I can rescue someone. And my friend Iida needed to be rescued!" Y/N said, hoping Baiji won't use this to double the workouts for her.

"Don't blame this on him! You should just be glad that there wasn't any kind of major harm! That was very reckless of you," Baiji sighed, "Well we don't have time for that now. You've got a visitors."

The Police Chief, Kenji Tsuragamae along with Manual and Gran Torino were also in the room.

"So, you're the U.A. students who brought down the hero killer huh?" Kenji said, "Stain has some serious injuries - severe burns, lots of cuts on his body and several broken bones. Right now, he's in the hospital under strict guard. There's a lesson you should've already learned. When quirks became the norm, the police forces sought to maintain their status quo. They decided we wouldn't use quirks as weapons. That's when heroes came in. They could do what we couldn't, that is if they are licensed. It would be impossible for police to condone the use of deadly quirks. Afterall, we are here to stop such harm from being done. The reason why only pros can use their powers now is because of the strict code of ethics that the heroes abide by. That's why it's against the law for uncertified people to cause injury. Whether you were up against the hero killer or not, none of you have the authority to harm the villain. That means the four of you along with your supervisors are sure to receive harsh punishments for gross abuse of your powers."

"Now wait a minute! If Iida hadn't stepped in Native would've been murdered. And if not for Midoriya and Y/N, both of them would be dead. No one else even realized that the hero killer was in Hosu! Are you saying we should've just stood by and watched people die?!" Todoroki said, anger laced in his voice while Midoriya and Iida tried to calm him down.

"So it's okay to break the laws as long as it goes your way?" Kenji said.

"But sir, isn't it a hero's job to save people?" Todoroki said, his patience was running low now.

"This is why you're not a full-fledged pro yet. It's obvious U.A. and Endeavor hasn't been teaching enough," Kenji said which pushed Todoroki to finally march towards him but got stopped by Gran Torino in middle saying.

"What I'm saying is the official stand of the police department. But any punishment would only be necessary if this was public. If it was, there's no way you could escape from being reprimanded. On the other hand, we could say Endeavor saved the day. Media would support the stories completely and we could pretend you weren't involved. Thankfully there were very few witnesses. This could be the last you heard of any punishments. It woul mean no one would know about you though. You'd receive no claim at all. The choice is yours." Kenji said, "Personally I know where I stand. I don't wanna damage any promising young careers for a mistake like this."

"We all sorry for what we did," Y/N said as Iida, Todoroki and Midoriya nooded their heads and bowed down in respect.

"I know it's not fair. You won't enjoy any of the fame and praise you would've received otherwise. But allow me, as the chief of police," Kanji bowed down as well, "to say thank you."

After taking some rest, Y/N took her phone and stepped outside their room. She went near the visitor's area and called everyone, reassuring them of her health and safety. She read everyone's texts and send them messages. Well, almost everyone. Maybe it was because she was nervous to read the texts Bakugou sent her. Or maybe she 'saved the best for last'.

She opened the text with a small smile on her face. She didn't exactly expect him to text her back.

From the looks of it, Y/N felt that Bakugou was actually a bit worried. Was he though? Maybe he was just being himself and talking naturally like he did with others. She wasn't so sure, and Kyoka wasn't available all the time since she had her own training. She was overthinking for sure. But this was a conversation starter and she was glad.

Y/N's injuries weren't that bad, so she got released from hospital. And she went back to train at the internship again.

Oikawa hugged her and almost cried like a baby when she entered the agency. Baiji was furious with her actions and gave her more tasks than usual. With a bit of pleading and ugly crying, according to her sidekick, the police department agreed to just punish her with a paycut. Baiji became more petty than she usually was. Often she would repeat Y/N's words and mock her, something that she didn't do in front off her sidekick. But it was all for fun and in the sense that they were now closer than they were before. And her friends were all safe, even though Iida's left arm was damaged way worse than expected, atleast he was alive. She knew Iida would work harder and never give up. It brightened up her mood and she felt positive.

Well, all of that and also the fact that she started expecting replies from him. For someone as rude as Bakugou, Y/N didn't expect him to have any sense of humor.

And as for Bakugou, he was surprised at the sudden text from her. What was she thinking? Why would he allow someone like her to be his friend? But he couldn't help it. He never ignored her words before, and he wasn't going to be a coward and piss himself just because of this 'friendship' bullshit.

And then, he heard the news of the attacks in Hosu City. He knew her agency was close to the said city. He thought that he was being very subtle about his worry, and from the outsider's perspective he would even come off as rude but if any of his friends got a glimpse of his texts, especially Kirishima, it wouldn't take them a second to know that he was infact, worried about Y/N. He was sure what they would've said about this. He might've acted like he didn't understand it before, but he knew what Kirishima meant when he talked about Y/N to him.

"How come you don't know our classmate's names and their quirks but actually know Y/N this well?" ,

"Hey, you probably have no idea about this but you look at her way more than any other girl in this whole school." ,

"Dude, I know you're smart and shit but no one is gonna believe that bullshit about you observing her. You were clearly checking her out!" ,

"Just admit it bro, there's something different between the both of you!"

All of which were now absurd to him. They were nothing but old classmates. And now, they are just friends.

And ofcourse, besides that, Bakugou would also know all about Y/N's weaknesses.

Chapter 27

SEASON - II

Ignite

MASTERLIST

[ampleappleamble]

Hey uh so I'm trying something out. Basically, I wrote a fanfiction detailing my OG Watcher Axa Mala's arrival in the Dyrwood, and if you wanna read it, that would be super cool and good of you ♡ I'm trying to get a more fleshed out, proper voice for Axa, and I figured the best place to start would be... at the start.

Please feel free to leave feedback if you end up reading this; I haven't written anything like this in years and I wanted to try and get my sea legs under me again. I've got a few asks I want to try and answer first, but I would very much like to continue this. Let me know what you think!

No real title yet. I think about possible title candidates literally all day.

---

Pillars of Eternity: An Historical Account of the Life and Exploits of Axa Mala, Watcher of Caed Nua

---

I made a promise.

The little woman sat at the back of the crowded little wagon. Her head lolled on her shoulders and her eyes were closed, but she wasn't asleep-- although she was as close to it as her body and mind would allow.

He made a promise. To me.

Still, sleep refused to take her entirely, and so her thoughts drifted through the haze in her mind like dead leaves floating on a pond, tormenting her. Reminding her of everything she was hoping sleep would allow her to forget for a while.

He lied to me.

The wagon jostled her to and fro, her small frame tossed to and fro against the other passengers. Her burgundy hair hung in loose curls over her face, her long, tapered ears limp against her cheeks.

He... betrayed me.

The stale air in the covered wagon, the stuffy miasma of the breath and body odor of other kith, combined with the wagon's insistent swaying-- it reached her even through her dozing, making her head swim. Soon she began to squirm and groan, started feeling flushed and weak.

He betrayed... us. Both--

...All of us.

Even as another passenger gently gripped her shoulder, asking if she was feeling alright, she found herself unable to fully wake. All of a sudden her whole world was the pounding of her heart, the fever on her brow, the thoughts racing through her foggy, half-sleeping mind, whirling madly, a half-dream almost spoken aloud:

traitor-- promise-- liar-- devotion--

She writhed, trembling, teeth chattering, as a nearby folk man trundled to the front of the wagon, hollering for the caravan master to stop. A dwarf seated by her reached across the gap between them and squeezed her hand gently.

"Hey, there. Come on now, you'll be alright. We'll tell the caravan master to stop for you, and we'll get you taken care of. We little kith have to watch each other's backs, after all." She winked, and the orlan only moaned weakly in response, dazed and frightened.

What do I do now? Without them? ...Him. Am I-- I'm--

And finally, she shuddered violently, waking. Her violet eyes snapped open to stare blearily at her shaking hands in her lap.

I... I feel...

...Oh. Gods.

...I never should have done this. Any of this.

.........Where are we?

The man who'd alerted the driver had returned, looking paler than before. The caravan had stopped, but not because of her.

---

"There." The hired guard gestured toward a large bush bristling with small, pink berries. "Berries Odema told y' 'bout. Let's get y' fixed up, c'mon."

Axa shuffled miserably behind the blond woman, shivering and panting as her cheeks flushed with fever again. It comes and goes, she thought, gritting her pointed teeth, wiping her brow. What in Hel is this malady?

The exertion from fighting off the local fauna wasn't making her condition any easier to bear, and although the caravan master had told her her illness was common and not very severe, it was bad enough to make taking down a single juvenile wolf a struggle. Been in the books too much perhaps, she thought grimly as she caught up to the folk woman. Another favor academia's done me: Now I'm out of shape and out of friends.

As she knelt before the bush, she couldn't help but heave a long, shaky sigh. Well. Maybe I ought to be a bit easier on myself. I've had a... difficult month. And now, this shit on top of it all. Maybe I should find a temple, make a sacrifice to Rymrgand... She tried to laugh, but it came out a weak cough instead.

Calisca side-eyed the little woman as they harvested the berries together, a slight smirk playing on her chapped lips. Maybe it was the orlan's small stature making her resemble a folk child, or maybe it was her stubborn, sulky silence, but she couldn't help but be reminded of her youngest brother. He was a studious, taciturn lad who had yearned to be taken seriously, but always pouted and whined at any little splinter or bruise. Not to say she thought the orlan was faking it, just that she seemed to be acting worse off than she looked. She knew orlans were intense by nature, so maybe she was just being dramatic. After all, she'd flirted with that Aedyre merchant back at camp easily enough.

But when she really thought about it, the fuzzy little redhead had been quiet and withdrawn the whole trip down, ever since they'd rolled out of Ixamitl. None of the other travelers had had much to say about her when asked, other than that she was apparently a former lore college student who seemed content to keep to herself. And Calisca had suffered the Rumbling Rot herself enough times to know that it didn't render a kith this out of sorts. So either she was exaggerating, Odema was talking complete horseshit, or she had something weighing her down besides the fever and chills.

Each answer was as likely as the other, and Calisca's response was the same either way: try and get her talking, lighten her up. Didn't need her bringing the mood down further for the other caravanners, making a bad situation worse. Better to try and make friendly, put her at ease. It'd certainly make this shitshow of a night pass easier.

"People're talkin' about you at camp, like kith will. Word is you're a loremaster from the Plains." Calisca paused her berry picking to glance around, scanning for any movement from the underbrush. "Or somethin' like that anyway. What was it you used to study?"

Axa snorted and winced simultaneously. She could understand and appreciate an attempt at small talk, but the other woman had chosen the worst possible avenue of inquiry. Maybe if she had asked about her love life, that would be worse...

"Loremaster? Hardly. Scholar. ...Of history." The orlan's response was short and clipped, but her voice was deep and rich, clearly accustomed to song and public speaking. Her Ixamitl accent was only partially obfuscated by her easy proficiency in Aedyran. "Well. Linguistics, really. And naturalism. Studying cultures and languages, you know. History is more of a catch-all term..." She gestured vaguely, waving one hand about, dropping half of her harvest in the process. Calisca snorted this time, and she couldn't deny the relief she felt when the little woman laughed along with her instead of getting offended.

"History and language, huh?" The fighter bent down to collect the fallen fruit, a wry grin on her ruddy face. "Come out here to study how we Dyrwoodans been butcherin' Aedyran with our accents and cussin'? ...Truth be told, I might like to read that paper." She rolled her head around on her shoulders, stretching her neck. "Well... maybe have someone read it to me."

"I'm... No, I'm not here on behalf of any college. I'm not here for anyone." She wasn't smiling anymore. Another awkward silence. Calisca was getting ready to just change the topic to something less incendiary when Axa looked away--

just explain before you have to suffer the humiliation of being asked!!

-- and sighed. "I was expelled. I... made a poor choice, trusted someone I shouldn't have, and I was forced out of my community." If the fever hadn't reddened her face, this confession certainly had. The berries bled juice from between her fingers, smashed in her shaking fists. "I lost my academic standing, my career, my... everything. So now I'm here. Because it was this or killing myself, and with my luck that would probably just piss off Berath."

There. That's all. You've said the essentials, you've admitted it out loud, it counts as the truth, and you don't need to say it again if you don't want to. Axa looked at the ground, angry at herself, at her shame, at the tears pricking the corners of her eyes. It wasn't that bad, wasn't that bad, wasn't...

If Calisca was at all shocked by the former scholar's outburst, she hid it well. "Damn rough turn, that," she drawled, shaking her head slowly. "...Well, gods know we've all done shit we ain't proud of. Made moves we've regretted. Important thing's to learn from it. And considering you made a living at it once, you're probably pretty good at learnin'. Ain't that right, scholar?" She tried a heartening smile, and found it came more easily than she'd thought it would. "That's what the Dyrwood's all about. Second chances."

Self-pity and gratitude washed over Axa in equal measure. A complete stranger had to be the one to do it-- a mercenary at that-- but at long last, someone had finally sympathized with her, taken her at her word, and given her a few words of encouragement. How had this taken so long?

"I... yes, I suppose you're right." She wiped her hands on the grass and groped for another berry-laden branch. "I have to admit, it does help to hear someone else actually say it. Academia is infested with egoists who refuse to back down, who never learn from their mistakes. It's refreshing to be reassured by a fellow kith of the universal truth that... we are all fuck-ups from time to time." She grinned. "And that the point of life is to learn. A cool hand on a hot brow." Axa looked up at the other woman. "Thank you, Calisca."

And with that, Calisca finally felt herself relax. Despite the blocked road, the sick passenger, the dangerous ruins, the threatening weather-- despite it all, she had actually managed to get through to this girl and turn a potential shitshow into a manageable little fiasco. Not bad at all. And Odema thinks he pays me more than my work's worth! She chuckled to herself as she turned back to the task at hand.

"So. Have a destination in mind?" She plucked a few more of the riper-looking berries. Her hands moved at a leisurely pace; they were nearly finished already.

"Gilded Vale. Local lord is practically giving away land." Axa picked slowly, too, still groggy and fatigued from fever and chills.

Calisca nodded. "I heard about that. Got a sister in Gilded Vale myself." The mercenary smiled at the thought of Aufra, but her stomach twisted with anxiety when she remembered that letter. She pushed it out of her mind.

"Any idea what you'll be occupying yourself with? Bein' honest, don't know what kinda life a professional book reader might carve out for herself in a little farming community like the Vale." The blonde woman smiled at her to reassure her that she was joking, but Axa was staring into the middle distance and didn't notice.

The orlan woman sighed, long and slow and heavy. "I have... no idea what I'm going to do next," she murmured.

This was not an exaggeration.

---

"Don't trust them! They mean to kill us all!"

It had all happened in a flash. The Glanfathans had appeared out of nowhere, slaughtered the poor travellers, gutted Odema, and Heodan had thought himself Berath's for certain. But he'd hoped against hope that maybe, maybe someone would discover the grisly scene and come charging in to save the day. ...Preferably before he got his throat slit.

He had nearly cried out with relief when he saw Calisca step into the light before him, sword raised high. Almost hadn't noticed the woman at her side, before recognizing her as the sick passenger he'd sold a dagger to not 40 minutes prior. But when the stinking savage holding him hostage responded to the women's presence by pressing his blade to Heodan's throat, he'd been shocked to see that timid, sullen little orlan suddenly leap to his defense.

She had recognized them as Glanfathans, and she had been clever enough to try to mollify them by explicitly stating that they did not disturb the ruins. But her calls for amnesty had fallen on deaf ears, and Heodan had warned her as a last resort. Now the orlan woman stood stock still, her eyes darting around frantically as she puzzled over how best to proceed.

superstition-- passionate-- galawain-- belligerent--

Focus, please. She drew a deep, calming breath.

...They won't be pacified by words alone, it seems. So... time to push our luck.

For a few terrifying moments, Heodan thought she might actually surrender her weapon trying to appease the madman. But instead she stepped forward, lowering her sabre but not relinquishing it. "Tell me, man of Eir Glanfath. Do you truly think your hunter god smiles upon your deeds?" She stared steadily into his eyes, her face an impassive mask. "Protecting these crumbling stones, long after their builders have been reclaimed by the Wheel... seems to run counter to Galawain's tenet of the young and strong overthrowing and replacing the old. Wouldn't you say?" Axa glanced at Heodan, a clear "I'm trying, please hang in there" in her wide, panicky eyes.

The axe at Heodan's throat shifted slightly, the man holding it leaning forward in his fervor to defend his beliefs. Heodan winced against the assault of the man's hot, stinking breath on his cheek, the roar of his raspy voice.

"You know nothing of our ways, estramor! My people have followed the Lord of Beasts for centuries, known of his sacred decrees for longer than your miserable bloodline has stood! Galawain charged my people with the sacred task of safeguarding--"

Oh, horseshit! Don't let him--

"You call this holy work?" Axa cried, gesturing at the bodies surrounding them. "Brutalizing innocent travelers to 'defend' an empty temple? If you believe that, you'd believe anything-- anything so long as it allows you to kill who you please, no matter how helpless." Her eyes bore into the man, disgust and indignance plain on her face. "I see what you really are, coward."

It only lasted a second, but a second was all he needed. The Glanfathan faltered under the woman's verbal assault, and Heodan took full advantage, dropping out of his grip and falling into an evasive roll. He heard the warrior scream with fury, heard Calisca roar a ragged battle cry, heard the orlan woman start chanting...

And after the deed was done, before they could even catch their breath, the bîaŵac was upon them.

---

I know him.

She stood, but only just barely.

How do I know him?

Calisca and Heodan... did not stand. Would not stand again. That man, the masked man--

...He did this.

Oh gods. Oh fuck, I'm in trouble.

She stumbled over the ancient, uneven cobblestones, the fever and chills a distant memory. She could swear she heard voices, and telling them apart from her own jumbled, raving thoughts was becoming more and more difficult.

He did this, he killed them, just like he killed--

...like he

The ghostly image of a woman burning alive on a wooden stake sprung up in front of her, and the little woman fell to her knees, covering her face, screaming--

i can't i can't i can't i can't i can't i can't do this i can't take this please--

-- but when she lowered her shaking hands again, she saw only the grass, the stones, the ruins. Ther pillar and the machine.

Axa made a sound she didn't have a name for, something between a sob and a scream and a bark of crazed laughter. She had honestly believed, when she had woken up this morning, that her life could not possibly get any worse.

...I have to get out of here.

The orlan rose to her feet, slowly, stumbling toward the dirt road leading into the open meadows beyond. The path away from this place.

But she couldn't help looking over her shoulder one last time. At the base of the pillar, where that man

are you prepared, initiate

had stood.

What has he done...? Axa clutched at her head, trembling all over. Her thoughts, it seemed, were still not entirely her own.

What has he done this time...?

She mumbled a prayer to Wael, too exhausted to think anymore, as she slowly started off toward Gilded Vale.

[purplesurveys]

1194

survey by n0b0dysp3rf3ct

What’s your favourite song to sing to? These days it’s Sweet Night by V, but it always changes tbh. I don’t really have an all-time favorite song to sing along to.

What’s your relationship like with your exes? Nonexistent. I’m good at blocking off people and memories like that, no matter how special the relationship had been or how much time we spent together. I don’t feel guilty about it; I actually feel more at peace this way.

What mistake do you find yourself making over and over again? Procrastinating and putting off things I could literally finish in 10 minutes or less. I’ve been better about it, to be fair to myself; but the habit comes out every once in a while and I always end up kicking myself in the ass for not already knowing any better.

What are you afraid to lose? Hmm...probably people, especially my friends. I’ve been starting to think more about this these days. My two best friends are in very good, committed relationships, and I know that one day they’ll have lives and families of their own, maybe even move out of the country. I’m finally acknowledging the fact that maybe I am afraid of getting left behind and ending up alone. Those thoughts make me sad, though, and I hate being stuck in feeling sad, so I try to shake them off and focus on my happiness in the present.

What’s one of the hardest decisions you’ve had to make? Agreeing to break up with Gabie. I never liked admitting defeat, so that was a particularly brutal afternoon.

Have you ever gave up on a love interest as they acted differently around other people? I’ve never been in this situation.

Do you think you’re ready for love? What does love even mean to you? I’m taking a break from it, actually. I was in a relationship that I put a lot of effort in for a long time, and I don’t mind focusing on myself for now especially considering I put myself in the backseat for the entirety of said relationship. I feel no need to jump into another relationship any time soon.

What was the last thing you turned down doing? Angela was showing me some shops that were starting to put up offers for the new BTS Hybe Insight photocards. Those photocards are only being given away to visitors who go to the new Hybe museum, and we didn’t want to technically pirate them, so we both chose not to buy. We can wait till we can travel to South Korea together and get the photocards for ourselves :)

Have you ever fell for someone who was clearly bad for you? Technically...yeah? She eventually ended up being bad for me, but I didn’t know it at the time.

Are you a party animal? No. I like attending parties, but I never want to be the center of attention.

Who are you the biggest fan of? My best friends.

When was the last time someone really let you down? I haven’t felt that disappointed in anyone in a while. 

What song can you not help but dance to? Mic Drop.

You’re DJ for the night - first track to get everyone going? ...Now that I mentioned it, Mic Drop. The Steve Aoki remix in particular. Sorry folks, y’all are getting K-Pop tonight.

Have you ever been too scared to tell someone how you felt about them? Yes.

Where do you feel the most inspired and creative? Erm, never? I never feel creative. But when it comes to being inspired, I usually feel it when I have one-on-one talks with Bea. She schedules a brief talk with me once every few months just to catch up and ask me how I’m doing, work-wise and growth-wise. I find that it really helps and I always exit the call wanting to perform better at work.

Have you ever been hit on by a pushy person? No.

When’s the last time you met someone for a coffee? I’ve never done that.

Describe the ideal man or woman for you: Kim Taehyung. That man is doing a stupid great job ruining everyone else for me.

What place in nature would you love to visit one day? Somewhere with auroras.

What accent do you find attractive? Like I’ve said on previous answers, I like Florence Pugh’s accent, whatever it is. I could listen to it all day.

What do you think you’re really good at? I’ve always loved writing and I’m pretty confident in my skills.

Do you have something you’d like to tell someone right now? I know Jo is going through a breakup and I want to reach out and share a few reassuring words, but I’m not very good at that kind of stuff. And since she isn’t initiating, it might mean she wants her own space for now too.

Have you ever had feelings for a friends partner? Never.

What career would you love to pursue: I’m more than okay with my current field. But had things turned out differently, I’d most likely be taking up law.

What was the biggest lies you’ve told? I never like lying so I try to make the ones I make as trivial as possible.

How can you tell if someone loves you? Idk for the most part I believe people have different love languages, so expression is always different for everyone. I don’t wait for people to act a certain way for me to deduce that they love me.

What’s one of your fondest memories? Front row at a Paramore concert, 2017. I went alone and danced without a care in the world and sang along to every song, and it was one of the nicest couple hours of my life.

What’s your favourite thing to do that doesn’t cost much? Taking surveys is literally free.

What do you feel unnecessarily judged for? I feel like I would be judged for having an entire blog just for surveys, which is exactly why I don’t share about this hobby with anyone. Not even my ex knew about it until much later on in our relationship.

What are you proud of yourself for? Still being here is a big thing.

What relaxes you after a busy day? As is pretty obvious already at this point, BTS. I like looking for funny compilations or interviews of theirs to watch to de-stress.

Have you ever known someone who suffered from drug addiction? Nope. Not that I know of, at least.

Why did your last relationship end? She wasn’t in it anymore.

Who do you have a crush on? Taehyung :/

When was the last time you stayed up all night? I was up until 4 AM earlier, if that counts. I don’t really do entire all-nighters anymore; latest I can do is either 4 or 5 AM.

Have you ever been someone’s rebound? No.

What would you fight LTR for the right to do? I don’t know what that is or who they are.

When did you last apologise? What was it for and was it accepted? Some work stuff came up today and it was something I needed to ask my manager about, so I had to message her. I apologized profusely before and after my main message since it’s a weekend and I HATE making my co-workers think about work on weekends, but the matter was a little urgent and it couldn’t wait. But eventually the thing got sorted out, so I followed up with a message asking her to disregard my question, and I sent her a heart GIF as well.

Have you ever been to Cuba? I haven’t, but I’d like to visit.

What do you feel positive about? That I am most likely ordering Frankie’s tonight because I’m having a serious craving for spicy Korean wings that I can’t ignore anymore.

Do you know any Spanish? I’ve retained the words, sentences, and verb tenses I was able to learn when I was still training on Duolingo; and Filipino has a lot of Spanish influences, so I wouldn’t say I’m completely unfamiliar with Spanish. I wouldn’t be able to last a conversation, though.

If you could go on a road trip now, where’s you go? Continued from this morning. I’d probably just go back to Tagaytay. La Union could be a great road trip spot as well.

When in danger are you more fight or flight? Flight. What makes you irrationally angry? When people speak excessive Taglish, especially in a work setting. Most Filipinos are fluent in both, so I’d wish they’d pick one and stick to it. I find code-switching pretty unprofessional for the most part.

Do you feel self conscious about a certain body part? Sure.

Is there someone you’ll always be there for? If so, who? My best friends.

Have you been accused of being manipulative? Gab probably did a few times, but I barely remember those memories anymore.

What’s the most romantic thing someone has done for you? I literally can’t remember anymore.

What or who do you miss from your childhood? The ability to be carefree and the greater space to make mistakes.

Do you miss late night calls with a certain somrone? No, I hate calls.

What would you like to do again some time? Be able to go back to coffee shops.

What’s your least favourite season? Summer.

Do you know someone who’s ridiculously arrogant and entitled? A lot of boomers and older Gen X-ers.

Have you ever considered violence to solve your problem? No.

Who’s the best dancer you know? That I know in real life? Aubrey. Overall, Park Jimin.

What’s the best bit of advice you’ve received? I can’t seem to remember the exact same quote they gave me, but it was Andi telling me a few months ago not to rush my healing so I can avoid potentially harming myself in the process.

How good a swimmer are you? Not very good. I just like swimming leisurely.

What’s your favourite baby animal? Puppies and baby elephants.

What’s the best compliment you have received? It’s always nice to be told I’m strong.

What’s your favourite gemstone? Don’t have one.

Do you bounce back well when things go wrong or does it take a while? It takes a while, but I always get there eventually.

What’s an underrated colour/shade you really like? Not sure; the colors I tend to lean towards I think are pretty popular choices.

What insult or label would hurt you the most to recieve? Being told I’m useless or a burden.

How often do you notice the attractiveness of strangers? I rarely find strangers attractive.

Are you good at hiding your emotions? No, I practically wear them on my face.

Are you romantic? More than I’d like to admit.