#okay at least michael talked about learning he can let go of these things and people like them?? bestie that's why you need collabs more

[edge-oftheworld]

okay but isn't this exactly how it went down:

5sos: *doesn't do collaborations much*

michael: yeah we collectively have this severe anxiety no one likes us

halsey:

roy:

calum's sister and gf both being musicians:

taylor swift inviting them to birthday her party in 2019:

the chainsmokers, being the only ones ever to convince them otherwise who INVITED THEM ON AN ENTIRE TOUR:

galantis: that was the best collaboration I've ever done! blew my mind how nice you guys are and how I learned from you this new experience of being able to be myself as a musician and not pressured by deadlines,, not having rules that 'it must be so'

michael: *still busy stressing about that one snare drum beat*

[shallowseeker]

I'm breaking this one out by itself because it's a little funny.

*Dean's phone rings*

*Dean answers without looking*

*Dean proceeds to yell at Cas*

Ah, right. What could possible be so important?

/////

Sam goes on to tell Dean that *drumroll* Sam is Lucifer's true vessel.

WOW! Scary!

DEAN: *sarcastically* Just when you thought you were out, they pull you back in, huh Sammy? SAM: That's it? That's your response?

It's... completely lost of Sam, though, the REASON for Dean's sarcasm.

See. It's this: now that Sam's found out that HE'S a vessel, he's in his car, an absolute FIRE lit under his goddamned tail, EAGER to get back in and fight.

Sam.

SAMMY.

🤦🤦🤦🤦

Dean throws a hint.

DEAN: *sarcastically again* I guess I'm a little numb to the earth-shattering revelations at this point. SAM: Well what are we gonna do about it?

And Sam... still doesn't get it.

Sigh.

Here's the thing. Sam wasn't panicking when they learned that Dean was a vessel. Only Cas and Bobby were panicked and stressed. They were mean, but they were at least aware of the reality of things.

But Sam.

Yes, Sam was going through things, struggling with things, and taking time to go through things is okay. But on the other hand, it definitely still hurts that Sam wasn't insisting on staying in the fight on Dean's behalf, to protect Dean from becoming a vessel.

But now that Sam's learned that he's a vessel?

Boom.

It's not even that, though. It's this whole conversation.

Because what's missing here? Empathy for Dean's plight.

Sam doesn't realize that this is why he's perpetually at... the kids' table. This right here.

In this whole conversation, Sam is eaten up with ranting about his own feelings, about how he's sick of being a puppet, and how he's going to hunt Lucifer down and gain redemption.

Sam's all about "how he can do this," how he's "gonna prove it to you."

It makes him seem a lot younger than he is.

....

There's no acknowledgment of how helpless Dean must have been feeling all this time, knowing that he's been targeted by an archangel, about how scary this whole thing is.

Hell, even Cas acknowledged Dean's fears re: Michael.

I mean: He did it in his Cas way, but it still acknowledged the enormity of the fear.

Cas:

///

Meanwhile, Sam back in 5x01, right after DEAN learned about being Michael's vessel: Geez, why is everyone so cranky and stressed?

🥺Dean, what do you mean that you didn't mean your pep talk to Bobby? Whaaaat? 🥺

///

....

And the thing is. Not "getting it"? That's understandable. But this conversation is just... devoid of support for Dean.

And they're not. Sam's zapping all the strength for himself.

When they've been together lately, Dean is the big brother who lends support, and Sam isn't giving anything back. Sam's out to prove himself, not to support others.

And they tell older siblings and parents to be patient, to let them learn, to step back and forgive, to be "a soft place to land."

That's hard to do. And it's exhausting.

And aside// Sam's apology to (demon) Bobby was SO MUCH NICER. Sam, where is this humility and energy for other people????

SAM: No, actually. Bobby, this is all my fault. I'm sorry. Lilith did not break the final seal. Lilith was the final seal. I killed her, and I set Lucifer free. You guys warned me about Ruby, the demon blood, but I didn't listen. I brought this on. I'm sorry.

[misc-obeyme]

Lesson 37 spoilers below - it's screenshot heavy again because OH BOY we had a lot going on this time too. I took almost 100 screenshots lol. But don't worry, I narrowed it down... uh but there are still a lot so I apologize for that.

I do believe I said in my last post that if they were going to go full Dante, they would bury Lucifer in ice.

I only said that because I WAS NOT EXPECTING THEM TO GO FULL DANTE.

Now listen, it's been a long time since I've read the Divine Comedy, so there may be a lot more references that I am missing. I can tell you that the four circles or sections or whatever that Simeon named for us are from Dante. That right there is straight from Dante's Inferno, along with their names and who they're supposed to punish. I don't really feel like any of this has much relevance except that they used it as a backdrop and to create reasons for us to lose most of the people who came to help us as we went.

And truly the lore was fascinating in general, but there are a couple of specific pieces about this that made me go EXCUSE YOU.

It's the Celestial Realm again, guys. Cocytus is part of their domain. And the last area is for those who betrayed "him" as they so eloquently put it lol. Both Mammon and Lucifer are considered traitors in this regard, but I kind of suspect that if the rest of the bros made it to that level, they would've had a similar experience.

Anyway, I was pissed. I was like Diavolo in the hard lesson.

Right, so let's talk Mephistopheles. I'm not familiar enough with the legend of Faust or its variations to know if the way they described his special power is based on that. However, I highly suspect it is at least somewhat inspired by it. Considering making a deal with the devil is what that story is all about.

But aside from all that - I LOVE HIM OH NO.

WHAT. This guy... all this time I thought he was really stuck up. And like I kinda get it, considering how he was supposed to be Diavolo's right hand man and everything. But he's straight up saying that he underestimated them. He seems to have no problem saying yeah, turns out I was wrong and you guys impressed me. So don't go around giving up now. AND he says they learned it from Lucifer? Like... he gets them. He understands them. And I was not expecting that at all. He keeps surprising me and I'm loving it.

Welcome to my life, Mephi.

It's pointless to resist.

I'm telling you, this is just how it always goes.

BUT OH! I'm not gonna lie, this made me feel something. All the brothers usually say such nice things to me, but this guy is basically like ARE YOU STUPID? And I love it?!?!? Augh I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance before, sir.

Okay, now let's talk Solomon being the hot old grandpa that he is. I SWEAR every time he shows up lately it's been making me more insane about him.

WE SUMMONED HIM. We needed him in Cocytus and he wasn't there, so we straight up SUMMONED HIM. We couldn't do it without Mammon giving us his power 'cause our magic is weak, but STILL!?!?

I think Simeon referred to it as teleporting, but really it was the same as summoning him. I think the words were even the summoning spell words.

If this was actually me we were talking about, I would start doing it ALL THE TIME. Consider yourself on call, old man.

And then we got this excellent exchange:

Not only am I always here for big bro Mammon getting protective, but Solomon bringing it right back was also great.

Okay, now let's talk about Raphael and Simeon.

Do you think we're dealing with Michael disguised as Raphael again? For some reason I don't think so, but... at this point, it's like how do you tell? I'm going to talk about it with the assumption that it's actually Raphael and not Michael.

Simeon during this part gave me chills. Because when Raphael showed up and spoke the punishment or whatever and Luke was about to protest, Simeon silenced him. Simeon wouldn't let Luke protest because he knew that wouldn't be good for our baby boy. Simeon was prepared to take the fall instead. And he wasn't about to just let things stand.

I can't accept it. I swear, Simeon's character is far more complex than anyone gives him credit for. He doesn't get anywhere near the amount of appreciation he deserves. I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT IT.

Right, but back to Raphael.

Baby. He's crying. He was just delivering the ultimatum, the decision about the brothers' punishment, and he was crying. I was so surprised, it was so soft and sad and I wanted to hug him. And look at Simeon's frown. AND THEN

EVEN LUCIFER. This man is chained up in some ice and he still sees how Raphael is struggling and feels sorry for him. (Like maybe he's been there before himself...)

This is why I think it really is Raphael. Because this feels like such a significant revelation of his character, I think it'd be a disservice to him if we found out later it wasn't him at all. So I'm hoping it's still him.

Now. Let's talk about Diavolo. I'm pretty sure this was in the hard lesson, so be aware of that!

He is so pissed. I don't think I've ever seen Diavolo quite like this. Worried, sometimes serious, but angry? Like to the point where he thinks he might lose control? I don't think that's happened, has it?

AND BARB. His reaction is so interesting! At first he has this look of surprise, but then LOOK AT THAT SMILE. Here's Dia being like, I need you to stop me, but you can't tell me that smile on Barb's face belongs to anyone who's going to stop anyone. He looks like he's looking forward to it. I love him so much it's stupid. (Also I think Barbatos is just as much of a menace as Solomon is, he's just better at hiding it. Where do you think Sol gets it from??)

And of course the lesson ended with Lucifer BREAKING THROUGH HIS CHAINS. Ugh another cliffhanger.

In general, I really loved the brotherly affection that was running amok in this chapter. They were annoying each other and protecting each other and sacrificing for each other and it was all amazing. They banded together because they care so much about Lucifer, there's no way they would leave him to his fate.

And once again, the Celestial Realm is to blame. I think it makes sense that they're doing this. Before, they said that the seven brothers assuming positions of power in the Devildom meant that the power balance between the Devildom and the Celestial Realm was out of whack. That's why they wanted the brothers back. But the brothers wouldn't come back.

And while the Celestial Realm threatened war, they didn't do that, either.

Do you think perhaps the Celestial Realm collaborated with the House of Lords to get Lucifer trapped in Cocytus? The House of Lords controlled the train where everything went down. The Celestial Realm controls Cocytus. They probably knew that Lucifer's brothers would try to rescue him and counted on them getting trapped in the ice, too.

But perhaps they weren't expecting any interference from Mephisto or Simeon. They had to be expecting MC, I would think. Maybe they underestimated MC because they're human? And maybe they thought Diavolo would just accept it? (If so they are duuuuumb lol.)

Okay just a couple more screenshots because they made me laugh.

PLEASE. I love their dynamic SO MUCH.

Hmm. Is that a threat, Barb? 'Cause uh... you can casually threaten me with that slight smile any time I MEAN yeah, you tell 'em.

I cackled about what do you mean "ahaha" like I can't believe Levi actually said that out loud lol.

Cheer up, Belphie. Let Asmo live the otome dream, won't you?

Okay, okay, I'm done. Overall, I quite enjoyed this chapter, but I'm still sensing more drama, probably until the end of the season, honestly.

You think Nightbringer will make an appearance before it's over? It's almost like I forgot this whole new app was made to tell a story about him. He's just been mostly MIA. UNLESS someone else has been him in disguise all along...

Nope. No. I refuse to get into theorizing, this post is already too long.

[quicksilver-castiel]

Freak

Pairing: Michael/Adam Milligan/Ghoul Impersonating Adam Milligan

Length: 1.6k

Rating: mature

Tags: Repression? In these characters? It's more likely than you think; mention of cannibalism; biting during sex; everything these guys do is consensual and safe but idk about sane

“Adam, tell your other boyfriend that he’s an asshole,” Ghoul says when it’s clear that tonight is not a night he and Michael are getting along.

Michael immediately shuts up. “Adam, tell that thing that it needs to shut up,” he gripes.

Ghoul’s face shutters closed, which Adam has learned by now means that he’s trying to hide how hurt he is. For a second, Adam can feel something like guilt permeating from Michael’s grace, but then it cuts off.

“Tell- tell that winged guy that he can shut the fuck up himself,” Ghoul says weakly, and storms off in the direction of the bedroom.

It’s always like this - Ghoul’s insults are weak, if you can even call them that. Maybe it’s because he grew up in graveyards. Dead people don’t tend to teach you witty comebacks or how to read the living for filth.

Michael though. Oh, Michael. He’s always down to tear someone to shreds, whether metaphorically or literally. Adam is glad that the threats of actual violence have gotten far and few between by now, but whenever he gets angry, he still slings out insults that cut like an archangel blade. No one is safe from them, except maybe Adam, but then Adam also got past his initial hang-ups about being called a mud-monkey or a worm somewhere around year 300 in the Cage. He isn’t  sure how he would react if Michael suddenly whipped those insults back out, seeing as how he hasn’t heard them in quite a while, but he wants to believe that he at least wouldn’t leave in a huff like a teenager.

Of course, leaving Michael’s vicinity is also pretty difficult when the guy lives in his ribcage.

“You got anything more for me to tell him?” Adam asks.

Michael’s projection isn’t looking at him, his arms crossed in front of his chest. “No,” he says petulantly.

Adam sighs. This really isn’t how he wanted to spend his Friday night, but then again it’s pretty par for the course for this new life the three of them have carved out for themselves. It’s nowhere near normal, and if you asked anyone else, they would probably say that it’s pretty fucked up. (Okay, Sam did say that, in slightly different words, but he can go choke on kale for all Adam cares.)

But they’re a family, in all the ways that three people with two bodies and one face between them can be a family. Which is to say in all the ways that matter, at least to Adam. Michael may beg to differ (and Adam loves hearing him beg), but at the end of the day, they both know that Michael is more fond of Ghoul than he admits.

Which is exactly the problem.

“You know, after yesterday, I thought you may have gotten over the whole ‘monster’ thing,” Adam says, aiming for light-hearted and landing somewhere just south of accusatory.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Michael says, because he is a habitual liar, and also a little bitch.

“You know, after you let Ghoul fuck you.” Usually it’s the other way around, with Michael dominating Ghoul like he has something to prove. Maybe he does, but if so then only to himself, considering they all know how much he likes to be ordered around.

Michael’s projection tenses, fingers digging into his arms. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he spits out.

Sure, Jan, Adam thinks, careful not to let Michael hear it.

When you’re literally in each other’s head, privacy can be a bit tricky, but they’ve got the whole one-body thing down pat by now. Adam sometimes says it’s easier to block out each other’s thoughts than it is to remember to breathe, and it’s not just a joke. While Adam often still does it, much like eating, it’s not like they need to breathe - and they tend to just forget.

Turns out that can freak some people out, including their arguably undead-adjacent boyfriend.

(Ghouls aren’t technically undead, as Adam has learned. They’re sometimes mistakenly grouped with zombies due to the whole eating people thing - jury’s still out on whether it counts as cannibalism when ghouls aren’t humans - but they’re made from warm flesh and hot blood, and unlike with those Twilight guys, there’s no question on whether they can get it up or not. Adam doesn’t know if they can impregnate humans, but Ghoul at least made a valiant effort at impregnating an archangel last night.)

It’s been a few seconds, or maybe minutes - Adam is still too used to time being meaningless, for months to be the equivalent of a day - when Michael suddenly says: “Do you think I was too harsh?”

Maybe a bit, Adam thinks sarcastically, and says: “I think Ghoul was pretty hurt.”

Michael frowns at that, pondering this turn of events. Adam wonders what he thought would happen if he went back to calling Ghoul a thing.

Maybe he hasn’t thought about it at all.

“I didn’t mean to say it,” Michael mutters, and Adam feels his own face soften as he looks at the tense and hunched shoulders of Michael’s projection. “It just came out.”

That’s definitely a problem they need to work on, but at least seems to feel bad about it. It’s a start - a good start, even, considering that it took much longer before Michael felt any remorse for landing Adam in Hell.

“Do you want me to tell him that?” Adam asks gently.

He can feel Michael bristle within his chest. “It’s not my fault. He goaded me!”

“I never said that it was your fault, bud.”

That mollifies Michael, at least for the moment. “Tell him that I didn’t mean to call him an it.”

“Okay. You coming with me?”

Michael looks at him in that way that means ‘silly little human’.

Adam rolls his eyes. “You know I mean your projection.”

“I’ve not been visible to anyone but you for about ten minutes now.”

“Great, so I’ve been talking to myself all that time. Cool beans.” Adam gets up from the couch with a sigh. “Alright, time to test my bedside manner.”

“Hey bud, how are you doing?”

Ghoul peers up from the pillow his face is wedged into just to glare at Adam. “Tell that feathered ass I don’t want to see him.”

Adam sits down on the bed and puts a hand on Ghoul’s back. “He’s actually sorry, you know.”

“You’re making that up,” Ghoul gripes after a moment of stunned silence.

“He didn’t mean to call you an it, G.”

Ghoul huffs into the pillow. “I don’t actually mind the ‘it’,” he mumbles against the wrapped down feathers. (Archangelic feathers, to be precise. They’re softer than those of any animal, and Michael likes being plucked sometimes. The feathers can regrow within seconds - not that Michael always wants them to.)

“Okay,” Adam says to keep Ghoul talking, tucking away the revelation about pronouns for later.

“I just know he said it to hurt me, you know.”

“He didn’t mean to,” Adam repeats, but it sounds a little hollow.

“If he really meant it, he wouldn’t send you to say it,” Ghoul mutters against the pillow.

Adam thinks about how long it took for Michael to apologise to him for the first time. How long it still sometimes takes for him to admit a mistake.

“Look, he’s not very good at the whole apology thing.” Adam rubs his hand up and down Ghoul’s back, trying to ease the tension out of it. “I guess that makes two of you.”

“Three of us.”

“Hey, I’ve never done anything wrong in my life.”

“Case in point.”

Adam huffs out a laugh. “Okay, maybe we’re all bad at this. But you know what we’ve been pretty good at, historically?”

“What?” Ghoul finally turns his head, no longer talking into the pillow.

“The forgiving thing.”

“Literally neither of you has forgiven his brothers,” Ghoul says, unimpressed.

Adam gapes at him. “Since when are you on their side?!”

“I’m not, but you’re not exactly perfect little angels about thi-” Realising what he was saying, Ghoul cuts himself off.

Adam almost falls off the couch, laughing.

“You’re right, none of us are perfect little angels,” he teases.

Only because I’m not little, Michael says in their head.

Exactly, bud.

Ghoul narrows his eyes. “Did Michael just say that he would be, if I didn’t say ‘little’?”

Adam grins at him.

“He’s not even that big,” Ghoul continued.

“Hey,” Adam says, “if you’re referring to his dick, maybe rethink that statement.”

“That cop I ate was bigger.” Ghoul licks his lips like he’s remembering the taste. “Sam too. I only got a small taste of him, but it was enough to know his body. He’s hung.”

“I really don’t want to hear about Sam’s dick.”

Ghoul shrugs, and scoots over to lean against Adam’s side. “Point is, none of you are good at forgiving. But it’s okay - I can be the bigger person.”

“I’d prefer if you stayed how you are, actually,” Adam says, making Ghoul grin.

“I meant that metaphorically. But I love that you’re such a freak.” Ghoul noses at Adam’s neck.

Adam thinks that out of the three of them, he’s still the most normal one. Then again, he decided to date both an archangel and a ghoul, so maybe ‘freak’ is a fair assessment.

Well, you’re my favourite freak, Michael says, and his grace shivers in anticipation when Ghoul scrapes his teeth along their neck.

Thanks, bud, Adam says to him. You’re also one of my two favourite freaks.

Michael huffs, but it’s fond, and then he keens a little when Ghoul bites down playfully on their shoulder.

They’ll be fine, Adam thinks then. No matter how much those two argue, they’ll still be fine.

That thought, and the feeling of Ghoul biting down harder, making blood trickle over his skin, make Adam sigh in relief.

[canonfatbisexualenby]

Word Count: 3k+

Rating: PG

Pairing: Sara x P.am B.eesly

Sara finished booting down her computer, sighing as the screen turned black. She adjusted her glasses and fixed her headband back into place.

She turned her head to peer over at the reception desk, glancing at her co-worker, Pam Beesly.

The previous night she and Sara had kissed, after a couple of beers at the local dive, Poor Richard’s.

Sara had honestly been pleasantly surprised by the experience. She’d been crushing on Pam for awhile, especially since the night of the booze cruise. And she didn’t have much hope for Pam returning her feelings, initially.

At the time of the cruise, Pam was engaged to Roy. Sara was also aware of Jim’s not so subtle feelings towards the woman. At least, it was obvious to her.

Now Jim was at another job and Pam had called off the wedding. The days between learning of her breakup and the kiss, Sara wasn’t sure Pam was into other women, let alone her.

It wasn’t exactly casual work talk. And Sara, up until now, had very few opportunities to be alone with Pam.

The day Michael learned of his old boss’s death, Pam had gone above and beyond to make sure he was comforted, which was something even she struggled with sometimes (and he was her uncle, though only Pam knew). Even though the gesture wasn’t for her, it showed what a kind nature and heart Pam had.

Sara figured at the very least she could commend Pam for said kindness. And the night had ended up even better than she had imagined.

But she had put a damper on it due to her own personal code. She didn’t date co-workers and explained as much to Pam. Besides that, she definitely didn’t want to feel as if she was taking advantage of Pam at a vulnerable time in her life.

But there was the deeper, heart controlled part of her that wanted so deeply to be with Pam. She didn’t know if it would ever lead to anything serious. She didn’t even know if Pam would be willing to even go so far as to be ‘casual’. But her brain told her it was a bad idea and would only lead to heartbreak. She figured eventually she’d have to tell Pam as much.

She pushed her chair in and grabbed her coat. As she was putting it on, she noticed Pam walk towards her desk clump. She looked down at her feet briefly, examining her moderately beat up Mary Janes as she tried to compose her facial expression to something neutral.

“Uh...” she heard the woman say. She looked up, Pam giving a small half smile as their eyes met.

“I’m sorry if it felt like I was avoiding you, I just had to keep an eye on Michael pretty much all day, per Jan’s instructions.”

Sara nodded and chuckled slightly. “No worries.” She pushed her glasses up and grabbed her scarf.

“Can we talk?” Pam spoke low. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and glanced around the room for a second.

Sara felt a drop in her stomach as the other woman’s bright green eyes looked into hers. She knew they’d eventually have to confront the whole kiss situation, but she was hoping she’d have a bit more time to mentally and verbally prepare.

“Of course.” Sara nibbled at her lip briefly “I would’ve texted you, but I don’t have your number. And I figured this was a little sensitive to talk about over work e-mail.”

Pam nodded in agreement. “I was thinking maybe we could go to that new coffee place, the one sort of near the mall.” She smiled. Sara felt her face flush slightly, picturing the two of them ‘alone’ together in a café. She worried if anyone they knew would somehow be there, but figured Pam knew what she was doing.

“Okay.” Sara smiled back.

“I have to do a few more things to finish up here, but I’ll meet you there as soon as possible.” Pam said. Sara shot her a thumbs up.

Sara entered the café. They must have opened fairly recently, as not many people were there. And, luckily, especially no one they knew from the office.

She decided she’d treat Pam to a coffee. It was embarrassing to admit but she had overheard (and slightly committed to memory) her coffee order a few times in the past and knew she liked it with cream, sugar and a sprinkle of cinnamon.

She went up to the counter and ordered. She heard someone enter and turned her head to look.

She saw Pam taking her coat off. Sara made sure she looked presentable before calling her over, peeking at her reflection in the pastry display case. Pam beamed brightly as she walked towards Sara.

“I got you a coffee, I hope that’s okay.” Sara said, making her way towards the delivery area.

“Oh, of course, thanks.” Pam placed her hand on the lower part of Sara’s back, but as soon as the barista made his way towards them, pulled away.

Sara simply looked over at the coffees, trying not to overthink it. She figured Pam just wasn’t the touchy-feely type in public. Well, at least during the day when she was completely sober. Especially with someone who most would assume was ‘just a friend’.

“You like a dash of cinnamon, right?” Sara said quickly and slightly under her breath. Pam looked down at the coffees and smiled. “Yea...” she bit her lip briefly, raising her hand to grab her cup. She looked back up at Sara. “You remembered?”

Sara nodded, trying hard not to look down. She wasn’t used to looking at or talking to Pam this much. At least, she hadn’t quite adapted to it. But she knew they had quite a bit of talking ahead of them. And getting to look at Pam for a prolonged period of time wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

They walked over to a table in the very back. Sara hooked her canvas tote bag on the edge of her chair and laid her coat down along the edge. She sat and grabbed her coffee, taking a small sip as Pam got comfortable.

Pam smoothed the bottom of her skirt as she sat, sighing slightly.

“So...” Pam started, looking down at her cup.

Sara stared at the wrought iron table and contemplated what to say next. She knew this was a new type of situation for Pam, and wanted to approach it as tenderly as she could.

“So...” Sara simply parroted, tapping her bare fingernails against her thigh.

“I just wanted to say...” Pam fumbled with her curly honey brown hair. “If I did anything to make you uncomfortable, or make our friendship weird, or...” she looked straight at Sara, eyebrows in a worried expression.

Sara opened her mouth but nothing came out. She didn’t know where to start. How did she explain, simply, that she had wanted to kiss Pam as much as she had seemingly wanted to kiss her? How that’s nearly all she thought about when she drifted off to sleep alone at night? How she thought she’d never get to know her intimately during their short time on this planet?

She hesitantly and gingerly placed her hand near Pam’s. She considered stroking the other woman’s hand, but figured this wasn’t the place.

“Pam, I...” Sara started, pulling her hand back into her lap. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a really long time.” she looked down and allowed her hair to fall past her face.

“At least since the booze cruise. I just, didn’t think I’d ever be able to tell you.” Sara mumbled, nibbling at her lip and sighing.

“And as much as I said I regretted kissing you last night for, uh, ethical reasons, I was actually really, really happy we got to.”

Sara looked back up at Pam, who was seemingly in thought. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and took another sip of coffee.

“I say all that to say, you didn’t make me uncomfortable. Or ruin our friendship. If anything you were brave enough to do something I only dreamed about.”

“So you really do like me?” Pam said somewhat suddenly as she took a sip, almost cutting the other woman off. Sara inhaled, processing how to answer the question.

“Well...yeah.” She placed her hands in her lap and starting fumbling with the edge of her sleeves peeking out of her cardigan. “I guess I just thought I was pretty obvious about it.”

Pam looked down and grinned. Sara smiled at herself as she caught her expression. “Though I had no idea you felt the same...” Sara trailed off, barely audible. Pam looked back up and softly chuckled.

“Like I said last night at the bar, you don’t talk a lot at work, so I guess initially I thought we were just co-workers who got along well enough.” Pam explained “But when you said all that stuff about me being kind at the bar...you just had this twinkle in your eye that I usually only see when someone has the hots for somebody.” Pam laughed again.

“Even then, you didn’t outright say ‘I like you’, so I felt like maybe I made the wrong decision initiating the kiss. To be honest, I worried about all last night and today.” Pam placed her hand on the back of her neck, rubbing it slightly.

“Oh...” Sara nodded and stared at her lap. “No...I’m really sorry if what I said in response to the kiss was too harsh or hurt your feelings, I was just...” Sara felt her cheeks flush “Really taken aback by everything.” She looked back up to see Pam gleaming.

“Yeah...” Pam replied “Me too.” she squinted her eyes as she smiled wider. Sara smiled back and took another sip of coffee, diverting her gaze to the floor.

She counted in her head, trying to think of something to say back within a five second interval. Her heart was pounding and she felt her upper lip begin to bead with sweat. She had never been good with expressing ‘romantic’ type feelings, especially with other women. But she couldn’t just say nothing.

“I-!” She looked up, suddenly speaking. Pam raised her eyebrows slightly, looking a bit perplexed.

Sara cleared her throat and looked directly at Pam.

“Maybe I’m just caught up in the greatness of this moment. And you totally don’t have to agree to what I’m about to say...but I feel like I need to say it.”

Pam placed her hands together on the table and looked intently at Sara.

She felt nervous as Pam’s eyes pierced through hers, waiting patiently for what she was about to say next. She wanted to seem cool and coy in her delivery. She didn’t want to stutter. She prayed she didn’t make a complete fool of herself as she felt the words rising.

“I’d really like to see you again. Platonically and romantically.” Sara tried to keep her voice steady as Pam’s eyes twinkled in the low light of the café. “You don’t have to answer me right now, I don’t want to put you on the spot. But I really hope you feel the same way.”

Pam took a moment, seemingly to process everything that had just been said, then nodded.

“Hey...” she responded, finally speaking. She reached into her purse and pulled out a small notebook and pen. Sara watched with curiosity as she began writing. Pam tore the piece of paper she’d written on out and passed it to her.

Sara looked down and saw a series of numbers. Not just numbers, but a phone number. Pam’s phone number.

“Thank you...” Sara replied quietly. Pam smiled “No problem!”

“Let me give you mine, you know, just in case.” Sara put Pam’s slip of paper in her wallet. She moved her hand to the pen and paper “May I?” Pam nodded and smiled again.

Sara tried to steady her hand and write neatly, thoughts of what she had just proposed rushing through her mind. And she infamously had chicken scratch for handwriting on a good day.

She surveyed her ‘work’. It was a readable as it was going to be. She clicked the pen and pushed the items back towards Pam.

Pam looked down quickly and smiled, delicately closing the notebook and placing it back in her purse.

After about fifteen more minutes of casual chitchat, Pam yawned and lifted her hands above her head to stretch.

“Well, my stomach is telling me I should probably get back to my apartment to make dinner and get something on all this coffee.” She grinned.

Sara smiled back. “I definitely feel you on that.” She stood and pushed her chair out delicately. She grabbed her coat and put it on. As she reached for her scarf, Pam beat her to it.

“Here, let me help you with that.” Pam said gently, almost a whisper. Sara felt her cheeks flush as the woman lifted the royal blue accessory. She tried to carefully survey the premises, making sure no one was peeping in on their intimate moment.

As she looked around, she suddenly felt Pam behind her, pulling her dark mousy brown hair to the side. She tried to not to act too startled by the sudden touch. Her emotions overwhelmed her slightly though, so she shut her eyes for a minute.

She heard the woman chuckle slightly. Pam’s hands delicately brushed against Sara’s shoulders as she draped the fabric around her neck. Sara could smell her perfume. Her knees felt weak.

“There.” She heard Pam say low and close to her ear. She opened her eyes and let them adjust to the light.

Pam was getting her things together, no one else but her paying any kind of mind to what just occurred.

Sara touched the scarf and felt her face flush even more.

“May I walk you out?” She heard someone say.

She looked over and saw Pam smiling widely. Sara sputtered her words slightly “S-sure! I would love-yeah.” She heard herself say. She heard Pam giggle and giggled back, figuring it was more of a ‘with her’ laugh than ‘at her’ laugh. So much for being cool and coy.

As they got to Sara’s old gold sedan, memories of the previous night flashed through her head. She got to the driver’s door and turned towards Pam.

“Thanks.” She said. Pam nodded and smiled.

“No worries, thank you.” Pam replied. Sara raised her eyebrows slightly.

“For what?” She asked, messing with the strap of her bag. Pam chuckled softly and briefly looked at the ground.

“For being willing to come out here and talk about what happened. To be honest, Roy wasn’t the greatest about discussing his feelings.” She looked back up at Sara, smiling. But somewhat sadly.

“Oh...” Sara suddenly felt bad for asking. She shook the feeling as best as she could and smiled back. “It’s no problem.”

Pam nodded. “Hey...” she spoke. Sara waited for her to continue. Pam lifted her arm and softly placed her hand on Sara’s shoulder.

Sara felt her stomach drop. Surely Pam wouldn’t be foolish enough to kiss her in broad daylight. She braced herself either way.

“Get back safe.” Pam smiled widely and moved her thumb slowly, brushing against Sara’s black peacoat. Sara felt herself exhale and gave a slight half grin.

“You too, Pam.” Sara replied as she felt Pam’s fingers continue to move against her coat. “I had a really nice time.”

Pam pulled her into a brief hug. The mild autumn wind made their hair entangle slightly. Sara felt her eyes shut as Pam squeezed softly.

“Me too.” Pam spoke close to her ear. She pulled back and gave Sara’s shoulder one last squeeze.

“I’ll talk to you soon.” She waved slightly and turned to walk to her own car.

Sara didn’t know if it was the tender hug or the brisk air, but her cheeks were burning.

Sara began toasting the bread for her dinner, tonight’s being egg salad sandwiches. She knew her roommate would be home soon, so she had to prepare pretty quickly.

As she was spreading the egg mixture onto the bread, she heard her phone ding. She turned around to face the small kitchen island. Grabbing a few paper towels to wipe off her hands, she picked up the phone when they were clean.

She saw Pam’s name on the outside screen, next to the tiny envelope icon. Her heart started beating.

She felt like a schoolgirl getting a reply to a love letter. It was almost too nerve wracking for her to open it.

She nibbled on her lip, contemplating about whether or not to look at the message now. Maybe it would be best to wait.

She suddenly regretted her choice for making something so rich, fearing if she got bad news it’d ruin her night and make her food not settle well.

Before she could think on it much longer, the phone beeped again. She feared Pam might think she was ignoring her, so she opened it, but slowly.

She opened her text application and closed her eyes. She wasn’t exactly religious but she decided now would be a good time for a small prayer. She crossed her fingers and held her breath as she opened her eyes.

‘Hey! It’s me, Pam :-)! I hope your night is going as well as our little meeting this afternoon did!! I’ve given it some thought and decided that I’m in. I want to know you better and I mean that in a ‘romantic’ sense ;-)! ❤️‘

Sara felt a weight lift from her shoulders, her body relaxing and filling with warmth as she fully comprehended the message.

She remembered the second one and opened it.

‘That is, if you’re still in, of course.’

She chuckled to herself and started typing to reply as quickly as she could.

‘I’m definitely in ❤️‘

As she hit ‘send’, she heard the front door open. She quickly flipped her cellphone shut and walked back over to the counter to finish preparing the sandwiches.

“Hey!” Her roommate Taylor walked in, slightly out of breath due to their apartment being on the third floor. She wasn’t as heavy as Sara, but they both didn’t exercise much, outside of the trek up to their home.

“I’m finishing up dinner, if you’d like some.” Sara replied softly, head still in the clouds from Pam’s message.

Taylor walked over and looked at the food. “Ooo, egg salad sandwiches!” She playfully licked her lips and smiled. Sara chuckled.

“You seem to be in a particularly good mood today.” Taylor started to take her cardigan off. Sara noticed herself still smiling. She turned her head towards the counter and mumbled “Oh, uh, yeah...”

“Work went...surprisingly well today.” Sara said, handing Taylor her sandwich. Taylor nodded while chewing.

Sara walked towards their living room and sat down on the floral loveseat. Taylor continued to eat while she took the recliner. She turned on the television and flipped through stations.

Sara started to eat, still thinking about how lucky and ecstatic she felt over Pam confirming she liked her too. She couldn’t wait to go to work in the morning.

Taglist 🏷️: @gideongrovel-reblogs | @deadlock

[childofwr4th]

Information about Yuri! (Will probably change it a bit later)

Personal - Basics

[Name] Yuri

[Race/Species]

Demon [X] Angel [] Human [X] Other: []

[Age] 19

[Birthday] December 3rd

[Height] 6'3

[Fingernail Polish Color(s)] Black and purple

[Hair color/description] Their original hair color is black like their mother's, but because of their dislike for their mother, they dye it like a light magenta-ish. Their hair is cut to their shoulders, though they sometimes let it grow out

Personal - In-Depth

[Gender or no | Pronoun(s)] Non-binary, they/she

[Sexual/Romantic Orientation or luck thereof] Bisexual demisexual

[Favorite Color(s): pink, purple, blue, and green

[Personality] Yuri is calm 99% of the time, the other 1% is when their anger gets the best of them. She isn't very talkative if she just met you, but once she gets to know you and starts to trust you she will talk a bit. They have a strong desire to learn all about the world, especially the human world and humans themselves. They believe that if they learns about humans, they'll understand why their mother abandoned them. She's very organised, she has a schedule for everything, and she usually finishes things before then deadline. They like to work alone because they think working in teams slows things down and that she's better off on her own. She's a bit of a pessimist and whenever anything goes ever so slightly wrong, she immediately starts thinking of the worst. They can be quite blunt as well, even if they don't mean to be.

MBTI: INTJ

Zodiac: Sagittarius

Personal- Other

[Likes] cats (esp black ones), spicy food, their dad/Satan, drawing (she likes drawing cats), video games, Deadpool, mysteries, horror, listening to music while working, Barbatos, studying/learning, Thirteen, Mephistopheles, Solomon

[Dislikes] dogs (she's allergic :(), Lucifer 😿😿, people who hate on black cats, Belphie 🤑🤑🤑, their mom (kinda), rats, the rest of their family on their mom's side

Relationships

• Fears | Dislikes | Acquaintances | Friends | Close Friends | Crush | Loves | Indifferent | Tolerates | Respects | Suspicious

[With Demons]

Lucifer - "Lucifer? Hm... I don't know how to describe it, but I don't really like him..."

Mammon - "He's quite nice to be around..."

Leviathan - "Uncle Levi is the best!! I love playing games with him and listening to him ramble!"

Satan - "I love my dad!! He's the greatest!"

Asmodeus - "I don't really have an opinion on him... I suppose I like him..? I'm not really sure... He's given me a pretty necklace before though..."

Beelzebub - "I like hanging around him I suppose." (< they love him a lot and he's their second favorite uncle)

Belphegor - "Oh... uhm... I suppose he's alright..."

Diavolo - "I don't really know him that well..."

Barbatos - "He's really interesting to talk to."

Mephistopheles - "I enjoy his company." (< her day immediately gets better when they talk)

[With Angels]

Simeon - "He's nice, I like him."

Luke - "He's so cute!! And everything he makes is so good!"

Michael - "He sounds... cool? I kind of want to speak with him..."

Raphael - "I don't know him too well... I don't think he's okay in the head though, since he enjoys Solomon's cooking..."

[With Others]

Solomon - "I enjoy his company a lot, I just wish he would stop trying to cook and get me to eat it..."

Thirteen - "She's so cool and nice... I wish I could be like her."

Favorite Things About The Devildom

[Favorite Job(s)] - None

[Favorite Place(s) to Hang at] Purgatory Hall, the library, Leviathan's room

[Favorite Food(s)] Anything Luke makes

[Favorite Class Subject(s)] Devildom History, art, and mathematics

Least Favorite Things About The Devildom

[Least Favorite Job(s)] None

[Least Favorite Places to Go] None

[Least Favorite Foods] Everything Solomon makes

[Disliked Class Subject(s)] None

Personality Chart

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #54

Journal Entry #53 // STORY INDEX

Victor

Hey, everyone.

I wanted to record something tonight to tell you that Yuri and I are okay. My last entry was kind of raw, and both of us were struggling really bad, so I figured it was only right to let you know that we came out the other side of that situation. Yuri fared worse than I did, but he's still here and that is what's important.

I'm gonna be honest, it's been a tough few days. Yuri stopped eating again, and I'm really worried he's going to end up back in the hospital if he doesn't get something more than water and soy milk into him soon. It's been doubly stressful because Fox somehow got the idea that it was his fault, and I've had to deal with that too.

The small bit of good news was that Fox understood when I explained to him that Yuri refusing to eat isn't a new thing, and it had nothing to do with him. He seemed reluctant to come back after that, though, and although I tried to encourage him to stick with us a bit longer, ultimately I told him it was fine if he didn't want to.

With one hand free, I'm able to cook, feed myself and do the majority of my own personal care, so I'm not dependent on someone else now. Yuri can at least get out of bed and take himself to the bathroom, so that's no longer an issue either. Some of the housecleaning is still a bit much for me to manage on my own, but I reasoned that the world wouldn't end if the laundry didn't get folded or the kitchen floor didn't get swept every day.

After talking it over, Fox agreed that he'd still come by every couple of days to help me do household chores, but he said he didn't want to look after Yuri any more. I wasn't happy about it, since I think Yuri still needs help maintaining his full personal care routine, but what could I do? I had to acknowledge what Fox wanted.

That might've been the end of the matter for me if Yuri hadn't acted so obviously relieved when he found out Fox wasn't going to be taking care of him any more. If I hadn’t known better, I might’ve thought something bad happened between them, but I knew Fox had been extremely careful. He never touched Yuri in any way without asking first, and he handled him like glass when he did. Sure, they’d had their disputes over food and eating, but Yuri is just as difficult at mealtimes with me and with his parents, so I didn’t see how that'd be any worse with Fox.

From what I observed, Fox had been giving maximum effort, and Yuri hadn't been making it easy for him. And yeah, I get that Yuri's in physical pain and that he's going through a lot psychologically, and I know that makes him frustrated and irritable, but I didn't think it was okay for him to take it out on Fox. I especially didn't think it was okay for him to play on Fox's insecurities. I mean, that poor guy hasn't had an easy life himself. He deserves to be built up instead of being torn down for a change.

Seriously, you guys have no idea how much I wanted to call Yuri out on that, right then and there. I'll concede that I let him get away with a lot, but I love him, and I've learned that love is just as much about helping your loved one learn and grow as it is about all the warm, fuzzy stuff. Sometimes growth is hard, and it might not feel like progress at all when you're going through it, but the end result is usually worth it.

My Grandpa Michael says love is like growing roses. You might not want to cut them back, but pruning them actually helps them get stronger. He says you've got to be careful, 'cause you also have to know when to prune them and how much to cut. And I mean, Grandpa Michael should know. He was married to my grandmother for over forty years, until she passed away, and you don't get that far without understanding what love is. Also, they grew the most gorgeous roses in Brindleton Bay together, and Grandpa Michael still tends them and refers to them as "Lydia's roses".

I haven't seen my grandfather or any of my relatives in Brindleton Bay for over two years, but I know I'll at least see Grandpa at Mom and Julian's wedding. I think he loves my mom as if she's his own daughter, and he stayed close with her and me after my dad and sister passed. At this point, none of us could imagine him not being a part of our lives and being there for all our major life events.

After the wedding, I might go back to the Bay with him for a visit. It'd be nice to spend some one-on-one time with him. We could geek out about sports, do all kinds of fancy cooking, and probably spend hours at the local fitness center. I'm sure there's a lot of maintenance work I could help him do around his place as well. Really, I just want to hang out with somebody who gets me on a fundamental level, and to take a break from all my regular responsibilities.

Oh, and maybe this is kinda off-topic, but in case you're curious, Grandpa Michael isn't my only surviving grandparent. My other set of grandparents, Isabella and Giancarlo DeLuca, are both alive and doing well. They moved back to Tartosa the summer Leo and I graduated from college, so about four years ago now. According to Nonna Isabella, they wanted to spend their golden years in the place where their lives began, which made a lot of sense to me. They immigrated a long time ago, and all their kids — my mom, Uncle Stephen and Uncle JP — were born in Canada, but although they built a life in Willow Creek and are naturalized Canadians now, I'm sure their hearts will always be Italian.

Ugh...yeah. Sorry for getting off-track there. I'm really tired, and I guess you guys have figured out by now that it's harder for me to concentrate and stay focused when I'm like this.

Anyway, back to what I was originally trying to tell you. You might be impressed to hear that I managed to hold back from lecturing Yuri about how he'd been treating Fox. If I'd confronted him about it right away, we would've ended up in an argument. I didn't think he could spare the energy to fight with me, and I can tell you that I certainly didn't have the wherewithal to argue with him. Since discretion is the better part of valour, as they say, I opted to wait for a more appropriate moment.

As it happened, however, my appropriate moment never came because his mother got to him before I did.

Mrs. Okamoto dropped in unexpectedly yesterday afternoon with some sort of soup she'd made for us, and the first thing she said after greeting me was, "Where's your friend? Is he upstairs with Yuri?"

"Um... no," I said, hesitant to tell her too much, but also not wanting to keep the truth from her. "Fox isn't here. He, um... the arrangement wasn't working out for him."

I should've known better than to hope my mother-in-law would let it go at that. "What do you mean, the arrangement wasn't working out? And didn't any of you think it would have been a good idea to tell me or Kenji that the situation had changed? It's not as if one of us hasn't been here with you every night."

"I thought Yuri was going to tell you," I said.

"Why would you think he'd take responsibility for telling us?"

"Uh... because... Like, I don't think Fox was comfortable, and Yuri wasn't very, um... diplomatic? He was sort of feeling like... uncharitable? But, I mean, if I realized he wasn't going to tell you, I would have. It was just—"

She must've noticed that I was getting flustered, because her demeanour softened a little. "No, it's all right," she said. "You're very responsible, and I know you would've told us if you didn't think we already knew."

"Sorry," I said. "I guess I should've told you anyway."

"Perhaps, but it doesn't matter now. At the moment, I'm less interested in who told me about it than I am in why it happened in the first place. Was there a problem?"

"Not from where I was standing," I said. "Fox was doing amazing, as far as I could see."

"Hmm..." was her response. "Well then, I suppose I'll have to ask Yuri about it, won't I?"

I can't say I was overjoyed when I imagined how that would go, and I questioned whether or not Yuri would even tell her the truth. I had a bad feeling he'd try to blame it on Fox when it was unequivocally not Fox's fault, and let me tell you, I definitely wouldn't have been pleased if he had done.

On the pretext of listening to an audiobook in my room, I followed my mother-in-law upstairs when she went up to talk to Yuri. I put my earbuds in, got my phone out of my pocket and laid down on my bed, but I'm sure you've probably already guessed that I didn't actually open up my audiobook app to play anything. As rude as it is to eavesdrop, I'm not even going to pretend I wasn't intending to do it. I totally was, because I wanted to see if Yuri would admit to his mother why he didn't want Fox here any more.

I eased one earbud out of my ear far enough so that it wasn't blocking sound but so it still looked like I was using it. Sneaky? Yes, but it was effective. I discovered that if I lay with my head facing the open door and didn't move around too much, I could hear most of what Yuri and his mother were saying.

They started with small talk, and I wondered if maybe she wasn't going to bring up the subject after all. But then she must've seen her opportunity when he asked her if she was planning to stay with us for the rest of the day and overnight.

I should explain, she and Mr. Okamoto have been taking turns spending the night with us since Mom and Julian and Uncle Kaz left, and they don't usually come until seven or eight in the evening. Fox would usually leave around five o'clock so he'd have time to help make dinner at home, which meant he rarely crossed paths with Yuri's parents.

"No," Mrs. Okamoto said, in response to Yuri's question. "I need to collect Yuki from school and drop her off at your grandmother's house, and then I've got to go back to the school for a parent-teacher conference. Your father's in Kyoto with Hana for a medical appointment today, but he'll be coming to stay with you when he gets back."

That was news. I didn't realize Hana was on speaking terms with her father, much less that she'd want him to accompany her to a doctor's appointment. Then again, Hana's getting really close to her due date, and maybe he insisted on going with her because he didn't want her driving. Whatever it was, I filed that bit of information away in my brain on the chance that it became relevant later.

"Oh. I was hoping it'd be you," Yuri was saying. "I wanted you to help me wash my hair. Papa always makes such a mess. He's not very good at cleaning up, and I don't want Victor to have to mop the floor. That's still too hard for him."

"I would've thought washing your hair was something your friend Fox could help you with," Mrs. Okamoto said, and the words rolled off her tongue as innocently as if she knew nothing whatsoever about Fox's sudden departure. "I'm surprised he's not here today."

"He's not coming back," Yuri said. "And he's not my friend."

"Oh?" Mrs. Okamoto contrived to sound suitably curious. "Why isn't he coming back?"

"Because Victor told him I didn't want him to."

That was a twist I hadn't seen coming. It was Fox's decision not to come back, and although It was fairly clear Yuri hadn't wanted him here and was glad to be rid of him, I hadn't expected him to tell his mother I’d said or done anything to facilitate it. He sounded so proud of it too, like he was boasting about how I'd saved him from some horrible fate. Not that I wouldn't have protected him if there really had been any risk, but that's not how it happened at all.

The way Yuri was recounting it to his mother was such a gross misrepresentation of the situation that it was all I could do to make myself stay in place and not run across the hall to interrupt. But then I remembered I'd already mentioned to Mrs. Okamoto that Fox hadn't been comfortable staying. She's a smart lady, and I admonished myself that I should trust her. She'd draw the correct inferences.

She didn't disappoint me. “Yuri, are you certain it was Victor who told him?”

“I wasn’t there when they talked," Yuri replied.

"So, you don't know that Victor asked him to leave."

"Yes I do, because Victor always makes sure I'm safe."

"I see," Mrs. Okamoto said. "So, am I to assume you were unsafe with that young man here?"

"Yes," he said.

"Did he physically hurt you, or touch you inappropriately?" she asked. "Was he unkind to you?"

There was a long silence, and it was killing me that I couldn’t see what was going on over there. Unless there was something Yuri hadn't revealed to me, the answer I was expecting to hear was 'no'.

After a minute, I caught a weak and tearful-sounding, "No, but..."

"But what?" Mrs. Okamoto prompted.

"He made me feel so awful," Yuri said. He sniffled loudly enough for me to hear it from my room, and I imagined him scrubbing tears away from his eyes with the heels of his palms, just like a toddler would do. Sometimes I find it cute when he does that, but in these circumstances? Not cute at all. "He said I need to try harder, and he wouldn't listen to me when I said I couldn't do things, and... and he was treating me like a child."

"Were you behaving like a child?"

"I don't do that."

"No stubbornness, then? No pouting or temper outbursts?"

"I don't—"

Mrs. Okamoto's next words weren't spoken in a mean way, but there was also no mistaking that she wasn't impressed with her son's attitude. "A little self-awareness wouldn't go amiss here, I think."

"Excuse me? Are you... are you implying I'm immature?" I could already hear the outrage starting to build in Yuri's voice, even though his tears. "You don't even—"

"Yuri," his mother cut him off. In the two simple syllables of his name, her tone conveyed everything; she wanted the truth and she was not having any of his nonsense today. I could easily picture her wielding that same authority in a business meeting when somebody was about to go off on a baseless rant about something. "Mature people don't throw tantrums or manipulate others as a means to an end. They communicate their needs and concerns clearly and honestly. Do you think you can do that?"

"So, you're going to treat me like a child too?"

"If you insist on behaving in that manner, yes," she said mildly. "You know what Papa says. People tend to address others according to the level of maturity they display."

Yuri made a sound of frustration. "If you aren't going to at least try to have some empathy, can you please leave? I don't need any more stress. Is that clear and honest enough?"

There was another pause, and then Mrs. Okamoto said, "I love you. From the moment I found out I was having you, I loved you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything else, and every time I think about you hurting in any way, it hurts me as well. But, I'm your mother. My purpose isn't only to love you. It's also to teach you."

"Teach me what? That I'm dishonest and immature and not self-aware enough?" "

"Yuri—"

"You might as well just say it. Is you goal to teach me I'm a terrible son and a useless failure as an adult? Then congratulations, I suppose, because you've absolutely done that."

"Okamoto Yuri, I did not come here to be disrespected by you," Mrs. Okamoto said, and no joke, I felt a little scared despite the fact that she wasn't talking to me and that I couldn't even see her.

Like, you know you've crossed a line when your mom starts using your whole name. Usually, my mom would be screaming it, often loud enough to be heard at Leo's house, four doors down the street from ours. Victor Thomas Edward Nelson, if you don't get your butt back here in five minutes, you're in big trouble!

It was the same with Aunt Millie. Leo said he knew he was gonna be toast when his mom started busting out "Leonardo Stephen DeLuca!" with enough volume to be heard from my backyard. We used to tell Ellie she didn't know how good she had it. None of us has ever heard Julian raise his voice for anything, let alone to shout Ellie's full name over half of Willow Creek.

But as much as I dislike it when my mom yells, I think if I had to pick, I'd rather have the yelling than the calm, firm voice Mrs. Okamoto was using on Yuri. It was like steel wrapped in velvet, and I'm pretty sure me and Leo would've been terrified if Mom or Aunt Millie had spoken to us like that when we were in trouble.

I half expected Yuri to apologize immediately. It's what I would've done. I probably would've been on the floor, bowing to her and addressing her as Okamoto-sama, and begging her to forgive me. We've been getting to know each other lately, and I feel like we’ve been warming to each other a lot, but that doesn't mean I'm not still afraid of her.

Yuri, apparently, did not share my sentiment.

I could tell he was still crying, but that didn't stop him from sounding as if he believed he had the stronger position. "Interesting, because I wouldn't have thought you'd come here to disrespect me in my own house."

I physically cringed at that, not just because Mrs. Okamoto's reaction was likely to be unpleasant, but also because I had no problem imagining a response with the exact same delivery coming out of Mr. Okamoto's mouth. For all Yuri's insistence that he's nothing like his dad, he kinda is, which maybe proves the theory of nature over nurture.

Part of me wanted to stop listening at that point, and I almost turned on my audiobook for real, but another part of me was drawn to the drama across the hallway.

"If you think honesty is disrespect," Mrs. Okamoto said, "then I'm afraid you've still got some things to learn."

"There's a difference between being honest and being hurtful."

"Yes, there is," she agreed. "The difference is in how you react. If someone else's honesty hurts you, then you ought to ask yourself why that is. If the truth hurts, it's usually because we don't want to admit something about ourselves."

"I don't want to have this conversation," Yuri said.

"Well, I certainly can't force you to," said his mother. "But, if you don't want to talk to me, perhaps you can discuss it with your father instead. He had to learn that lesson too, and it took nearly losing the people he loves most before he accepted it. Maybe his perspective would be more convincing."

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is that I might've stayed in America with your uncle if it hadn't been for Victor's accident."

He sounded incredulous. "You came back for Victor?"

"I came back for you," she said. "Because I thought you might need me. But, what I'm saying is that when I left last autumn, I had absolutely no intention of returning. Or at least not until your father came to his senses."

"Came to his senses about what, exactly?"

"Came to his senses and realized that he was harming himself and everyone around him," she said. "He was trying to build a wall around himself because he seemed to think it was a way of protecting everyone, but he was still getting hurt and all he really accomplished was to push everyone else away."

"What's that got to do with me?" Yuri said.

"It has everything to do with you."

"How?" Yuri asked.

"Papa was scared and angry and frustrated about things in his life, but instead of talking about it, he was behaving like a child and taking it out on the people he should've trusted to help him get through it," she answered. "He was upset because he felt isolated, as if no one cared about him, but the way he was dealing with it was isolating him even more." Her voice was quieter as she added, "Does that sound familiar?"

There was an even longer silence than the previous ones, and then I thought I heard Yuri say, "I'm sorry."

The next thing I knew, he was pouring out the whole thing to his mother, telling her stuff that he’d never said anything to me about. Although I probably could've inferred some of it, other parts of it were a revelation, and not necessarily in a good way.

He told her how he hadn't really wanted Fox to come here, but he agreed to it for my sake because he knew I was worried about not being able to take care of him myself and because I thought it was an acceptable alternative to the home healthcare program. He endured it as long as he could, he said, and he'd tried not to complain too much because he didn't want to seem ungrateful. But he'd been struggling because Fox was encouraging him to do more and more things for himself and didn't seem to understand when he explained why he couldn't do them.

"I cried every day," he said pitifully. "I didn't want Victor to know, because he doesn't like to see me crying and I didn't want to upset him.”

"You didn’t think he’d want to know you were unhappy?” Mrs. Okamoto asked.

“It wasn’t just being unhappy,” Yuri said. “It’s a lot more than that. It’s… everything. My whole existence. It’s just… all pain, all the time, and sometimes adding one more thing is too much. But, how was I supposed to tell Victor that?”

“You’ve told me,” she said.

“You don’t look at me the way Victor does.” The words came out low and strained, as if he was trying to suppress a sob. “He… he wants to fix it, but he can’t, and he gets this helpless look. It breaks my heart, Mama. I hate being responsible for that.”

“You aren’t responsible for Victor’s feelings,” Mrs. Okamoto said. “It may seem that way, but he’s the only one in control of how he responds. Perhaps I don’t look at you the way he does because I’ve learned to accept your illness and everything that comes along with it."

"Victor knows all about it too."

"Knowing and accepting are different," she said.

I had to think about that for a minute. Did she have a point? Do I really not accept Yuri's illness?

Yes, I do know practically every unpleasant detail of it, and I know how to take care of him. I recognize that he'll always be chronically ill, and that there'll be times when he's well and times when he's really sick. But, is that really acceptance?

Maybe it isn't.

Knowing all the facts is one thing, but being okay with them is another, and I can't say I'm not resentful and angry about Yuri being ill. You have to understand, though, I'm not directing any of that toward Yuri. He can't help being the way he is. It's more like I'm resentful toward the powers of fate or whatever for causing him to suffer this much, and I'm angry because I can't do anything to change it. It's not fair, and it hurts so damn much that I can't even find words to describe how agonizing it is. Just as Yuri said, I want to fix it, but I can't, and that makes me feel defeated, powerless and so overwhelmingly sad that it's as if my heart is being crushed.

I guess it's kinda like what I went through after losing my dad and sister. I experienced all the emotions; denial, sadness, rage, guilt. I did everything I could to find a place in my mind for my grief, to make sense of something utterly senseless.

With Dad and Caroline, I was stuck on sadness for the longest time. Years, in fact, and it's only been since this past summer that I've finally come to terms with it, learning that I can coexist with it without it taking control over the trajectory of my life. It's okay to still feel lost or sad or angry sometimes, but I also understand that wishing for the events of the past to be different is futile and only causes me more pain in the end.

I'm not there yet when it comes to Yuri's illness, and I'm not sure what to do to get there. All I know is, I want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem, but I definitely can't do it on my own. So, I guess the best course of action would be to talk to my therapist about it, right? We've already discussed my challenges as a caregiver, so this likely won't be unexpected for him, and maybe he'll have some good insights to help me move forward.

It's weird, me wanting to involve my therapist. It's super weird to me that I even have a therapist, 'cause that would've been so far off my proverbial radar in the past, I probably would've laughed at anyone who suggested it. But now, I like to call it the silver lining that came out of my accident. If it hadn't been for that, I still wouldn't be seeing him, and maybe I wouldn't be making as much progress on self-improvement.

I realized I'd missed part of the conversation between Yuri and his mom when the sound of him sobbing pulled me out of my musings and back to reality. Evidently, Yuri was determined to say whatever was on his mind regardless of his emotional state, because he was getting choppy bits of sentences out between gasps for breath.

He was crying so hard that I could barely make out what he was saying, and the first thing I was able to catch was, "I hate eating. You know I hate it!"

"You need to eat, Yuri," his mother said gently.

"I know, but I don't want to."

"Why don't you want to?"

"Because it's too difficult," he said. "Fox kept making me do it by myself, but it made me feel worse, and he talked down to me as if I were a little child and I was acting out and being difficult on purpose. But... I really can't do it. I tried so hard to endure it, but I couldn't any more, and I just... I want... I want it to be... be over."

His words got almost completely lost in tears after that, but I thought I heard something about wanting to sleep forever, and about respecting his wishes, and about his whole life feeling out of control.

His mother let him cry for a bit, and then she said, "Did you tell any of this to Victor?"

"N-not really."

"Then, how did you expect him to help you or to respect your wishes?" she asked. "He loves you unconditionally and he's a wonderful caregiver, but he can't read your mind. Neither can I, nor your father, nor anyone else."

"I... I know. But..."

"You need to let us know how you feel and what you need."

"I'm tired of being weak," he said. "I'm tired of being a failure and a disappointment and... and a burden to everyone. Maybe it'd be better if I wasn't even here, because then I wouldn't be hurting everyone I love."

"Darling, look at me," Mrs. Okamoto said, and I envisioned her sitting down on the bed and cradling the side of his face in her hand. "No one would be better of without you. We love you, and we want you to be here. Do you understand?"

"You don't understand. I... I'd be better off," he said. "Mama, please... I've suffered long enough, and it's not fair that everyone else has to suffer because of me."

"We can get help for you,"she said.

"I don't want any more help. I'm trying to tell you, that's the problem. Everyone always has to do everything for me, and I don't want that. I'd rather live an independent life, or... not at all."

"Being ill and needing help are things that are entirely beyond your control," she told him. "You're not disappointing anyone, and you aren't burdening us by asking for help. What hurts us is watching you pretend things aren't as bad as they are and seeing you try to fight all alone, and finally reaching a breaking point like this."

"But, don't you want me to be independent?"

"I think you misunderstand what independence is," she said. "It has very little to do with how much you rely on others and everything to do with how you handle your responsibilities. If you can't do something on your own, the responsible thing to do is to ask someone to help you. Your independence is in your ability to make your own choices and to do what you need to do to reach your goals."

"I don't have any goals," he said. "They seem kind of pointless."

"Do they?"

"They do when I know I'll never achieve them anyway."

"What do you think you can't achieve?"

"What can I achieve when I'm like this?" he countered.

"Tell me something," Mrs. Okamoto said. "If you could make one wish come true right now, what would it be? Anything at all."

I was surprised at his answer. "Papa asked me that too. I told him I'd like to go to Sulani with Victor."

Mrs. Okamoto didn't seem surprised at all. "Could that be a goal?"

"No," Yuri said. "We're never going to be able to do it."

"Why not?" Mrs. Okamoto asked."

"Because we spent all our money on the down payment for Victor's haunted house, and once we get there, we'll be spending more money on furniture and a car and his university tuition and who knows what else."

"What if money were no object?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I know you told Papa you wanted to go to Sulani," she said.

"He told you that?"

"Yes," she confirmed. "We discussed it, and we also talked about it with your grandparents. You didn't have a honeymoon, and none of us gave you a wedding gift, so we decided that we'd like to pay for your trip, if you really want to go."

"What?" Yuri blurted.

That was more or less my reaction, too. I literally had to put my hand over my mouth to prevent myself from making any noise. I was shocked by the proposition. I'd like nothing more than to go back to Sulani and to take Yuri with me, but like him, I was resigned to the idea that it'd be a very long time before we'd get the chance, due not just to our finances but to his health and everything else going on in our lives.

"We were going to wait until you were feeling better, and Papa and I were planning to tell you and Victor together," Mrs. Okamoto said. "But I think this is the right time."

"Why do you think this is the right time? How is it right?" he demanded and, far from sounding pleased, he still seemed angry. "I can barely leave my bed, never mind leaving the country. I don't know if I'll even be well enough for our move. How can I think about going on a vacation?"

"I don't mean now is the right time to go," she clarified. "I mean, this is the right time to tell you. Clearly, you aren't ready yet, but perhaps you'll find some motivation to set some goals if you have something to look forward to."

"Such as?"

"You tell me," she said. "If you can't think about going on a vacation, then think about your move. What would you need to do to be ready for that?"

"Besides packing, and starting my immigration paperwork, and spending even more money on our flight?" he said. "Get better."

"And what would that look like?"

"You expect me to say eating on my own, don't you?"

"No," she said. "I don't. I expect you to tell me what your definition of getting better is."

"Being able to get up and do things for myself," he said. "Not being a drain on everyone around me and not putting all the responsibility for everything on Victor's shoulders. Not being constantly tired and stressed, and I don't know... Actually feeling there's some reason to be alive."

"What's causing you the most stress?"

"Eating," he replied, likely to the astonishment of no one.

"Is there anything that would make it less stressful?" she asked, and then added, "Something other than someone feeding you."

"Dr. Kasongo suggested tube feeding," he said. "Victor thinks I don't know he was talking to her about it. I think they were trying to keep it from me until the doctor felt like it was absolutely necessary, because they were worried I'd be upset. But, I... I might actually want that. Do you... do you think it's awful for me to want it?"

"If you'd like my personal opinion," she said, "I think that's a bit extreme. There may be something less drastic you can do before resorting to that. if you want to know whether or not it would be a good solution for you, though, I think you should speak to your doctor about it yourself."

"I don't know if I can," Yuri said.

"Of course you can," she said. "I'll come with you, if you like."

"Really? What about Victor?"

"If you'd rather have him with you, then certainly, he should come."

"No. I want you to come," Yuri said. "But—"

"You have to tall him," Mrs. Okamoto said firmly. "No more keeping things from him, all right? I think you know, marriages can't survive too many secrets, even if you believe you're keeping them for the right reasons."

"Even if I want to protect him?"

"Remember what I told you," she said. "You're not protecting him by hiding things from him. I'll come with you to talk to the doctor, but I need you to promise not to keep anything from Victor from now on. Not about this or about anything else that's upsetting you."

"Okay," he said meekly.

"And if you're worried about him keeping things from you, I'll be addressing that with him as well."

That was the moment when I stopped listening. My mind was already spinning from everything I'd overheard, both positive and negative. The prospect of getting lectured by my mother-in-law was one thing too many for my brain to process. I finally opened my audiobook and started listening just to distract myself from panicking.

Up to then, I thought Yuri and I were doing okay with our communication. Yeah, we have our problems, but I believed we were pretty much open with each other. It was jarring to view it from somebody else's perspective and to see we may have been hiding a lot more than either of us realized.

Something else to work on, I thought.

It's okay, though. We're all works in progress, so there'll always be something to do, and I'd rather know what I need to fix and do my best to make changes than to just blithely go about my business and never understand that I could be hurting someone. Like, ignorance may be bliss for the ignorant person, but not for the people around him.

Change is hard, but I think that thing about pruning the roses applies to ourselves as well as our loved ones. If I want to bloom, I may have to cut back a few of my own branches too.

[carmenized-onions]

It’s not a limited feature for people you want to kiss. There’s Syd, Richie, …Mikey… - i might struggle with reading comprehension cause the amount of reads it took for me to understand that she in fact does NOT want to kiss all of them i- (wishful thinking who)

HE STOLE FLOWERS FOR HER 😭😭😭

he sidles up behind you and puts his head on your shoulder, hands hovering as if he’s going to hug your waist but simply cannot bring himself to. - I WILL EVAPORATE

he wanted the mug she made, yeah i might explode

“Think you’re gonna realize I’m not as good as you think I am.” - I’m actually crying

He kind of, tugs at you, pulling you closer to him - I’m not okay (i promise)

Carmen can see it, now. The way your jaw clenches, how you’re looking past him, not at him. The way you mirror how he imagines he looked in the walk-in, to you. He decides to take a page out of your book, and hugs you close. “Know so.” - The way he’s the one to take care of HER, yeah that is fully everything to me

“It’s both. It can be both.” - HGNNNNNN [screaming into a pillow]

You’re not ready to risk him no longer liking you. - 👀👀 my interest 📈📈

“But it’s nothing that would make me leave. Nothing that’s not worth it.” - I WANT NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS FOR THESE TWO (challenge level: impossible)

You’re not failing again - NOT HER BLAMING HERSELF FOR MICHAEL, I WILL RIOT AND PROTECT HER AT ALL COSTS🤺🤺

He replaces the Cubs jersey wearing bear in your arms, that night. He hopes he will forever, he's pretty sure he won't. - this simultaneously made my heart swell and break

Carmen never turns off his location, and he never will. - 💓💕💖✨

He takes advantage of the whipped cream on your nose and the severe lack of napkins in your bedroom when he can. - Nose kiss🥺🥹😭

the way this chapter was devastating but you still treated us with small soft moments (head on shoulder, nose kiss, cuddles in bed) was so powerful of you!! also yes as much as i wanted full on smooches you’re right it makes no sense, it was better this way (your talent!!)

I love getting the longest fuckin message in my inbox, nothing makes me happier, you must know this. Let's do list format so I don't fuckin' forget anythingTHREE MINUTES ON THE INBOX TIMER HEY ALSO IF YOU'RE GOOD I'LL PUT A SNIPPET OF THE WIP OF THE NEXT CHAPTER AT THE BOTTOM OKAY??? OKAY LETS FUCKING G O O

I so heavily debated a romantic relationship with Mikey bro, and honestly, as readers, if you'd like to look at Chip and Mikey that way, I wouldn't be able to fault you. They absolutely give that vibe. I also think if Tony was in the canon Bear universe, I do genuinely think she'd be the perfect match for Richie. That stupid fuck. Hated his ass until he got character growth'd into oblivion. And I would like to personally believe Syd and Tony did like, at least a smooch in highschool. To confirm or deny things, for themselves. Yknow. Classic teen girl stuff, right?

NO ONES FUCKING TALKING ABOUT THIS BRO!!! HE WAS HAVING A FULL BLOWN MELTDOWN AND S T I L L KEPT THE SANCTITY OF MIND ON HIS WALK TO STEAL HER FLOWERS, IN THE SAME WAY SHE STILL MADE THE EFFORT TO MAKE HIM HOT CHOCOLATE. I'M SO. SICK. I'M WRETCHING.

Bro fumbles before he can fumble fr. What can I say?

I debated the mug thing for a minute, I was like, he would want the handmade mug, no matter what, but would he have the courage to ask for something he wants? But I think asking her out (kind of) was such a huge step, that the mug was inevitable. He'd do it.

I fuckin LOVE making these two mirror each other so perfectly. There's fully bits of dialogue that I've recalled from the Bear and had Tony say. They just. They take care of each other so well because they both get it. And I love this moment especially because it's very explicitly Him learning from her on how to care. Like, that + the It can be both!! The shared burden!! Taking from learning from Tony and Syd!! I love to see this growth in him

And baby, that interest is gonna STAY piqued we're not at the crust of this CRUX YET!

I want the happiness for them too, I promise, but it's like that uhhh Episode of Bluey, where they fight and they're like awwee fighting can actually be good for growth..... But like, not an episode of Bluey vibe at all. To this one. LMAO

I WANT TO EMPHASIZE SO MUCH, AND MAYBE I SHOULD'VE DONE SO BEFORE-- TONY IS SO NOT AT FAULT, FOR ANY OF THAT-- IT'S TRULY JUST WRITING FROM HER PERSPECTIVE!! Both of them being self-loathing and deeply blaming themselves for things entirely out of their control-- Entirely just their characters and deluded self-perceptions. I'd never say those things about my dear babe tony.

I love lines like They hope this will last, they know it will not. They're so deeply deeply hurtful. I love them so much.

Location and nose kiss!! Gah!!! Bear's a cutie. He tries to not be but he's such a patootie. NOTHING makes the devastating moments more devastating like softness. Like, the couple laying in bed during the Titanic. Nothing could possibly be fuckin' sadder.

THANK YOU FOR THIS ESSAY I WENT WAY OVER MY TIME I GOTTA GO TAKE A SHOWER AND PASS OUT I'VE GOT A REAL FUCKED UP SCHEDULE WITH THE WHOLE NEW JOB COUCH HOPPING BUSINESS. ANYWAYS. A PROMMY IS A PROMMY HERE'S A FUCKIN SNIPPET FROM THE FIRST SECTION OF THE NEXT CHAP (Probably will be revised and edited later a little bit don't YELL AT ME LATER ABOUT THIS!!!)

I write these in word, if it's blurry that's not my FAULT!!!!!!! I AM SORRY THOUGH!!!! THANK YOU AGAIN!!! GOOD NIGHT FUCKERS!!! GO VOTE ON THE TONY/CHIP POLL A COUPLE ASKS DOWN I GENUINELY WANNA KNOW!!

[pansexualkiba]

i love how utterly fucking abysmal The Wild (2006) is. it's a horrible movie, and not even in a fun way. it's agony to watch. literally don't watch this movie. it's like. okay hold on.

so we all know how Disney's business plans worked in the late nineties to mid oughts, right? here's the big three:

appeal to the teens. because, ysee, word on the cool cat street was that disney just wasnt jivin with those rad hip youngsters, the teens. this was because then-CEO michael eisner learned his teenage son thought disney was like, soooo whatever. so in order to appeal to a wider demographic that potentially had money to spend on disney, Eisner would purposefully have things appeal to teens. or, at least, a 40-year-old's idea of what teens were like in the 1970s.

one-up Dreamworks Pictures. any disney fan will tell you that Michael Eisner and Jeffery Katzenberg were BEEFING, and this was reflected in the Disney-Dreamworks feud, not LEAST of which was that Dreamworks was created because Katzenberg was passed up for CEO in favor of Eisner.

jealousy. the most famous examples of this are Disneyland's California Adventure (a famously California-themed area in the California Disney park in the middle of the California-themed California) and Animal Kingdom (an entire third zoological park built just thirty minutes away from the famously safari-themed Busch Gardens (complete with live giraffes!) in Tampa, FL). if someone else did an idea, Eisner would try to have Disney do it better.

we caught up on that? good. most of you will be pointing something out by now: Eisner left disney in late 2005! The Wild was released in 2006! there's literally no way he could have been involved! which, ignoring how long movies take to make, COULD make this whole thing not an issue... except for one little event that happened in 2005. a little Dreamworks movie that was taking america by storm. the little-known snuff film... Madagascar (2005), released by Dreamworks to insane success. kids LOVED Madagascar, they loved King Julien, they loved the funny talking animals, they loved the use of old songs for fun interstitial plot beats, and they ESPECIALLY loved those silly little spy penguins. critics thought it was juvenile, however, so Madagascar now sits at a middling, but still positive, 55% critical reception on RT.

for a fun game, imagine for yourself what The Wild, released by Disney in 2006, could have a rating of. Go ahead, without looking it up, guess. we'll come back to that.

now, what i'm saying here isn't substantiated and the timeline doesn't exactly work, but hear me out. The Wild was often criticized for ripping off not only similar to Madagascar, but also The Lion King. Disney and Dreamworks's little pissing contest wasn't exactly subtle, and Eisner's jealousy when he saw how that stupid little animal movie was going over like gangbusters would've been enough for him to greenlight a similar idea, but with that little disney twist. and then he left, like a rat on a ship.

let's discuss the plot of The Wild.

we hear Samson the Lion start with telling someone a story about a previous fight he had had in The Wild, which is apparently just Africa. the logo is happening, yknow with the little firework line making an arc over the castle? except the much-younger teenage son then keeps interrupting by saying he's heard this story, and the firework keeps getting pulled back to the start in Comedic Fashion. the story is about how Samson, who apparently has sonic fucking roars, sent a bunch of wildebeests flying into the horizon, but then they had a big beefy furry wildebeest in the background who was like 46 feet tall. the son, Ryan the Lion, says he can feel the roar coming up, and Samson tells him to let loose, and Ryan does an alley cat soundbite because they didn't want to go to the Central Park Zoo and record actual lion cub noises.

By the way, this movie IS, in fact, opening in the Central Park Zoo. because we couldn't be more obvious. Samson the Lion is appropriately very famous, but not more famous than Nigel the Koala (voiced by Eddie Izzard), who is the basis of "the most popular doll in america", a pullstring plush koala that has two phrases: "I'm so cuddly; I like you!" and "I'm having a really nice day!". anyways, similar to madagascar, when the Central Park Zoo closes for the night, all the animals just get out and mingle. every single animal has a very distinct accent for some reason, as well??

anyways we're at this point introduced to the other main characters and their running jokes: Benny the Squirrel, whose joke is that he can't take a fucking hint; Bridgette the Giraffe, who is every sitcom woman in one and the unwilling target of Benny's affections; Nigel, who is extremely surly and the worst character in the movie; and Larry, a burmese python whose running gag is that he's stupid but sometimes he says something smart.

i'd like to just take an aside here to tell you all that Larry, despite being the idiot comic relief, ended up being my favorite character in the entire movie because the movie keeps forgetting he's supposed to be stupid?? like he'll just keep being very observant, but because every so often he'll drift into a nonsequitor all of his friends will angrily tell him to shut the fuck up, but it's like - bro he's the only one who's making sense. like at the end of the movie he puts forward an idea and before anyone can respond he goes "yeah, yeah, i know, shut up Larry :(" and it's like. bro get better friends.

anyways through a wacky series of events, Ryan's attempts to stop his friends from causing a Gazelle stampede cause the gazelles to stampede, and despite all of Ryans efforts to stop the stampede he caused, they run through the Turtle Curling competition the Samson is trying to win, costing Samson the Big Game, which means we gotta have Samson and Ryan having a big fight. i should mention that Ryan is insecure that he can't roar despite literally being prepubescent, and Samson is just like "are you acting up all because you can't roar?!" like DUDE THAT IS YOUR SON AND HE IS EIGHT. HIS VOICE HASN'T EVEN CRACKED YET.

Ryan then runs off to the green shipping crates that are being sent to New York's Harbor, and Samson and Benny go off to save Ryan after the workers somehow fucking miss the lion cub sleeping in broad fucking daylight. the dynamic duo is then joined by Bridgette (who knocks Benny off the truck), Nigel, and Larry. we then get a montage set to, and i am not fucking kidding, Clocks by Coldplay, where the animals experience the mysteriously-empty Times Square for the first time. more uhhhhh Wacky Hijinks ensue, and the rescue party are too late to get onto the cargo ship heading to africa, so they COMANDEER A PONTOON and tail the ship - after Benny rejoins them.

and here's where it gets to the point where i realized this movie was trying TOO hard to be dreamworks. if you'll recall, dreamworks likes to sneak in adult jokes, like famously Shrek looking at Duloc and going "do you think he's compensating for something". yknow, little innuendos like that.

Benny, having ridden in on a flock of Canadian Geese that mysteriously vanish after this scene after being hired as navigators, turns to Bridgette and, in an attempt to flirt with her, says that he's an expert goose rider, and that he rides bareback, and then slaps his flank.

it was becoming clear to me that every character was slowly becoming unmanageable to feel sympathy for.

after what would be, realistically, a few months - much too long for a pontoon to remain fueled, and WELL too long for a ship with passengers and sans supplies to remain populated, they reach the shores of Africa, which is... well it's not the shores of Madagascar, despite it literally being exactly like that scene in Madagascar where the animals are beholden to the rich jungles of madagascar. but for some reason this area of Africa not only has rich jungles, but ALSO an ACTIVE VOLCANO centrally located in the jungle. this is the purpose of the green transport crates: the wild animals are being rescued from an impending eruption. this is never brought up, but Ryan confuses the situation despite spending LITERAL MONTHS on that ship and potentially- actually

now that i'm writing this out, HOW DID NO ONE ON THE FUCKING SHIP. NOTICE THEY HAD AN ADOLESCENT LION CUB ON THE- THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE EMPTY CRATES. THEY WOULDN'T HAVE. NOTICED THE. LION CUB???? PROBABLY MEWLING FOR HELP???? IN A CONTAINER WITH OPEN-AIR WINDOWS????? BRO????

anyways Ryan runs into The Wild, and Samson and friends run after Ryan but lose him somehow. Samson, whose main character trait is that everyone else is saying that he always talks about being a real child of the Wilderness (notice that Samson himself never backs this up), eventually comes clean about his past after a scene with a hyrax that goes WAY too long in anyone's opinion - Samson was sold to the zoo after being raised in the circus. Samson was Ryan's age, as in like eight years old, when he was forced to attempt to roar in front of an audience, and when he couldn't because he was eight, he was SOLD TO THE ZOO. and his father's parting words were "if you had been born in the wild, you would have been able to roar" LIKE SIR YOUR SON IS STILL A CHILD DOMESTICATION DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T FUCKING- HELLO???

anyways everyone treats this as some Big Betrayal, and Samson goes off on his own to find Ryan. meanwhile Nigel gets kidnapped by wildebeests.

yes, there are wildebeests living in this fucking jungle.

Nigel is then brought to the ACTIVE VOLCANO, where the WILDEBEESTS HAVE STARTED A DEATH CULT. they are led by William Shatner Wildebeest whose name i have forgotten because despite being the main antagonist he was revealed fifty minutes into a seventy-minute movie. turns out, one of those Nigel dolls fell off of a cropduster plane over this nondescript african jungle, interrupting a lion hunt against this wildebeest despite the fact that neither of these animals live in the jungle. the pullstring then scared the lions into fleeing, and Shatbeest took this as an OMEN FROM GOD to START A DEATH CULT where ALL WILDEBEESTS WILL BECOME CARNIVORES AND ALL LIONS WILL BECOME HERBIVORES. also he made a whole song out of the "I'm having a really nice day!" voiceline complete with choreography. this is somehow not only plot important but also instrumental in his downfall.

anyways Nigel immediately gets drunk with power because he has no morals and is the worst character in the movie.

the wildebeests kidnap Bridgette and Larry and knock Benny out. have you noticed Benny just keeps getting put offscreen so he can solve the plot later? anyways Samson hallucinates dr seuss colors because he's activating his "predator instincts" to find his cub, which - red flag - but it also works. and then the wildebeests kidnap ryan after throwing Samson off a cliff, and you would not believe how much i wanted him dead so the movie would be over.

it was around this time that i realized i would much rather watch cars 2 again. my girlfriend had long since admitted that.

Benny wakes up in the middle of a bunch of German scarabs (who are all like. yodelling milkmaid types?????) who thought he was shit, and tbh yeah good call, but anyways Benny wakes up Samson who is somehow completely unharmed from being dropped off a cliff with an entire tree on top of him. Samson then has a tangible hallucination pointing them to the volcano, which he and Benny both see.

Nigel meanwhile actually has to weigh the pros and cons of siding with the wildebeests and watching them cook and eat his friends, or saving his friends. Shatbeest meanwhile REALLY wants to eat a LITERAL COWERING CHILD.

outside the volcano, we find out that Samson's hallucinations are a LITERAL LEGION OF SECRET AGENT CHAMELEONS who are trying to get people to defeat the wildebeests - which, like, WHY DID YOU NEED THESE TWO YOKELS???? YOU'RE LIKE. THERE'S A WHOLE JUNGLE OF POORLY-PLACED ANIMALS. THERE ARE OTHER LIONS IN THE JUNGLE SURELY. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LIONS IN THE FLASHBACK??

anyways the chameleons can make benny and samson invisible by covering them and going transparent. obviously.

the finale is incredibly like. it's such a nothing finale. the chameleons barely factor into it?? like Benny and Samson are just suddenly there, and Shatbeest keeps physically overpowering Samson and later Ryan, but Shatbeest angers the other wildebeests because one of them couldn't get the choreography right and so he's kicked towards the sacrifices as one of them. and then Ryan is like "aw dad... i wish you had the father i had. :(" which like. WHEN was it explained to you what happened with your dad. you were JUST told that your dad was born in captivity you don't know WHAT HAPPENED you just IMMEDIATELY went to being mean to him. and that inspires the wildebeests to turn on Shatbeest because this is the lion king so we gotta have that hyenas eat scar scene. but then the volcano, the LITERAL ACTUAL VOLCANO EVERYONE'S BEEN INSIDE OF THIS WHOLE TIME, starts to erupt, and Shatbeest is crushed under rocks.

everyone gets to the pontoon, and Samson, Ryan, the group, the wildebeests, and for some reason the chameleons all escape just as the island erupts, and it's like, fuck all the other bitches right? anyways then we have a heartfelt moment immediately undercut by the animated movie dance party ending where Nigel the koala just starts twerking. Benny stops being sexist out of complete nowhere despite never learning his lesson and this is completely undercut by Bridgette kissing him and revealing she was into being objectified this whole time, she just wanted Benny to be Woke about it. every single character in this movie was awful (except Larry i just feel bad for him) and in my mind the movie ends with that fucking pontoon sinking in the middle of the atlantic for exceeding its weight limit.

it's such a nothing movie. every scene feels like it's from something else. my girlfriend maintains that everyone who defends this movie is a corporate shill. my experience with this movie was i watched it multiple times as a kid, and i had somehow convinced myself this WASN'T a disney movie and was instead made by one of those low-budget studios that makes a single animated film before vanishing forever. it feels like a parody of itself, like someone had made a prior movie that doesn't exist that they then warped with ten consecutive funhouse mirrors.

it feels like michael eisner's teen son tried to make madagascar but Edgy.

and now we come back to the fun game from before the cut. what was the number you came up with on rotten tomatoes? what would rotten tomatoes rate this movie that has effectively been scrubbed from disney's records? Madagascar has 55%, what could its ugly step-reflection be?

...well that's not good.

[into-the-blorboverse]

Holloway Sibling Dynamics

The Holloway family consists of 6 kids, 4 boys and 2 girls, and their mother and father. Their dad was in the military and is often pretty strict on all of them. The siblings bonded over their hatred of waking up god awful early to go run laps around the neighborhood. Hand-me-downs and very limited shower times was the norm for these kids. The family tries to all get together at least once a month for family dinners, which probably became a tradition now that the parents are now grandparents.

Michael is the oldest, and while he had plenty of responsibilities around the house he was also, the first rebellious one. But he also didn't push it very far, either. He just partied and went out with friends on occasion ((has had to run several laps hungover much to his chagrin)) and tried to play a few instruments in hopes of getting into a band at some point. He gives his drums to Gabe when he moves out lol score. Once he left the house, he didn't have much need to rebel and prove himself, he's settled down now and doesn't look back with regret that the band thing never came to fruition. He's married now and has a son! Turns out being a dad can be fun and isn't about being The Big Boss Man! 👍

Rebecca rushed into getting married to get out of the house when she hit 18. Safe to say that didn't go well in the end, and she's divorced now. She's got an attitude problem and a bad habit of "borrowing" money without asking, and yet... still manages to be the perfect angel in her parents eyes by faking her sweet little persona to them. 😇 Most of the siblings see through this act...

Raphael is just tryin to make it through this you know? He spends his money as soon as the paycheck comes in, weird, wonder if any siblings forced that to become a habit somehow idk... He doesn't take the best care of himself or take things seriously, but he's having fun. His parents are literally begging him to learn how to balance a checkbook. huh, wha? 😎

Gabriel is our main character here lol most of the dynamics below will be his perspective. :) He was the easiest to pick on as a kid, and didn't talk much due to a speech impediment (so true buddy). He has a complex about this, but if you see him not talking much nowadays you’d probably just think he’s the strong silent type. He was diagnosed with narcolepsy as a teen, but only after the struggle of his parents Not believing that anything was wrong, chalking it up to him being a lazy teen. Christ.. Rebecca still seems to see him this way and finds it Annoying when it comes up. CHRIST. Anyway Gabriel becomes more rebellious and fed up with this shit when he gets older, yay! His parents don't like that he quit his job and joined a band, and that's not even mentioning the full sleeve of tattoos... but it seems like he's stable and all so they don't express their disappointment too much... He feels it though! 🥴

Hannah was lucky that by the time she was born the parents had let go of the expectation that they may have another child (and daughter especially), and let go of the many hand-me-down clothes she would have inherited. She gets to get a whole new wardrobe, yay! She doesn't know how she wants to style herself, though. Rebecca tries to help and loves to take her shopping, excited to have a little sister! Hannah dislikes that people won't take her seriously because she looks younger than she is. Please! Like a true 18 year old's mentality, she thinks she knows it all now that she's An Adult. She is however. Very 18 still. 🙄

Noah hm.. so far Noah is just chillin, and he takes things in stride. Like a true 15 year old's humor... He's always jokin around and he easily shrugs off any teasing that comes his way from his older siblings. Their father sees a lot of potential with Noah seeming so athletic, maybe his son will be interested in becoming military like him?? But really he's just got a lot of energy to burn. 😂

Okay that was a fun intro to the characters... actual dynamics time under the cut!

Gabriel and Michael get along ... okay. Now that they're older they're kinda building back what could have been. Michael realizing and admitting what Gabe went through was shitty, actually, and he promises he'll try and treat his son with more respect than what their parents gave Gabe. Gabe thinks his wife is nice and he loves having a little nephew. If ever the family dynamic otherwise imploded, I'm sure Gabriel would still try to be in touch with Michael and his newer tiny family. Michael's very excited that he's "following in his footsteps" drumming and getting into a band. Well, this is farther than his footsteps ever got, so good job lil bro!

Rebecca doesn't respect any of these bitches except Hannah. Michael and Raphael didn't really take any of her bullshit, but growing up Gabe always felt easier to pick on anyway. She continuously stole money from him as teens and she just played innocent to get away with it. Gabe avoids her as best as he can nowadays..

Gabe and Raph are closest in age and shared bedrooms growing up! Being in close quarters so often has given them the tightest bond between all the siblings. Despite having different interests, they still got along most of the time which made it work. Gabriel may not have specifically confided in Raph about being queer but Gabe knows that he can trust him with that information, however he learned about it. Context clues such as the posters on Gabe's walls and the Gay Ear piercing is all making sense now... They still hang out with each other pretty often.

When Hannah and Noah were young they were affectionately dubbed The Ketchup Kids by Gabriel and Raphael, because of their need to put ketchup on everything, as children do, of course. Gabe liked to tease them a little, since he got so much of that from his 3 older siblings, to varying degrees. They grew out of this phase but the name still stuck! Hannah is embarrassed by this now, but Noah fully embraces it. Amen, brother, pass the ketchup. 🍅

Gabe always wanted to be the Cool Older Brother TM that would take the lil guys to get ice cream for lunch, like Michael would do with him on occasion after he got his license. (Michael and Hannah being 7 years separated from Gabriel in either direction seems especially meaningful) But with his sleep disorder, the possibility of him learning to drive has flown out the window and the kids, not really thinking critically about the actual reason Gabe wants to hang out (being like 10 and 7 after all) just think "why would we take the bus with you we can just get mom to take us to the mall lol" :) haha... ha....... He takes this to heart and has a complex about it (as is tradition). When he confides in this to Michael, Michael offers to drive the whole group to get ice cream but god thats not the same you're still gonna be the cool brother who can drive and I can't!!!!!! It's fine...

Gabe doesn't reach out much now that they're older, he doesn't know them well and feels they won't have much in common. But they see each other at family dinners so not all is lost. There's still hope for them, seeing how Michael and Gabe's relationship is doing better, and him and Raph are still going strong... Maybe they just need more time to grow!

If you liked this deep dive into OC Families, Darla also wrote one about the Song siblings! Feel free to ask about other families you'd like to hear about, or leave comments if you enjoyed these, teehee!

[dwtsfun]

Dancing with the Stars Season 32 Wrap-Up: Let's Talk

Hey everyone! Hope you all are doing okay. Now that I am officially on winter break, I feel like I have the energy to write this post. I know it's a bit late, but the season sucked and I needed to think about why I hated it so much. I also am glad that I waited because I listened to Cheryl's most recent podcast episode with Melissa Rycroft and a lightbulb went off. I'm gonna break this up into sections. So let's start.

The Judges

First and foremost, I think the show is going to struggle to see a high level of dancing without Len being there and with the current panel of judges. I don't think the current 3 can inspire the pros to push themselves and their celebs past what they thought they were capable of. No matter how hard CAI tried (because she is trying to pick up that role as she realizes that it is needed), weeks 5 and 6 were kind of the ceiling for everyone except for Charity. What Len was so good at doing was change up his scoring throughout the season to match the level they should be at and lead have his co-judges follow suit. I didn't always agree with him, but I cannot deny that the man forced the couples to give us out of this world dances by the final third of the season. CAI tried but she is not the person for that job. She's not consistent enough and she wasn't able to have Derek and Bruno follow her lead. While she was trying to shift into gears 2 and 3, Derek and Bruno pretty much stayed in gear 1 up until week 8/9. As a result, Xochitl, Alyson, Ariana and even Jason's dances had a sameness about them. The only person that I saw shift into different gears was Charity because all of the judges were very consistent about her feedback and were constantly pushing her to get better (and not just randomly scoring her down like they would do for Jason).

So with that said, I think the guest judges all (except Michael) were much better at judging this season than the main judges. I am not sure why that is. But it was clear that Niecy, Billy, Paula and Mandy all did their homework before they came in. I think they were better because they only came in once and were coming in with the frame of mind of "oh it's week such and such, we probably should be at this point with these dances by now" and they would judge accordingly. So we got some constructive feedback from all of them that I felt was vital for each of the couples to take with them and use to really push themselves to that next level. The problem? When the main judges aren't saying it, how likely are some of these pros to incorporate that feedback into their dances. We say Rylee do it as Billy was the only one that stated that Harry wasn't moving much. Artem did it, but it's because EVERYONE was saying the same thing about Charity. So he could not ignore as much as he wanted to. But the others? Idk. I'm gonna talk more about judging in a later point, but I think a lot of the problems of this season, for me, started with them. If they had made praise harder to receive, I think the quality of the dances would have been so much better.

The Pros and the Partnerships

As many of you know, I was not happy with most of the pairings this season. Many were mismatched. There were some pros that didn't need to be on the season at all. It was very frustrating to watch. And I was trying to figure out why there were so many issues this season with the pros teaching their partners this season as so many problems were either never addressed or never hidden. And it wasn't until the podcast with Cheryl that it dawned on me. I don't think a lot of our current pros are good teachers. Melissa was talking about how Tony figured out how she learned and was able to adapt to that. I think that was the case for the vast majority of the pros in the past. At least the successful ones. Melissa also talked about how she struggled on tour with Artem because he never truly figured out how she learned. Now Artem is a little different, because he's been a pro for almost 15 years (SCD and DWTS). But outside of Koko, Daniella, Emma (though this was not a great season for her), Val and Peta (and Sasha at one point though he's literally been shitting the bed the past few years), the current pros just haven't impressed me with their teaching abilities. Britt and Brandon have legitimate potential but neither one has really been able to truly show it in a season. Britt was getting there with Adrian. Brandon has had four seasons that were cut short and we weren't able to truly see what was to come from his partners. That's it. And that showed this season and is also why so many of the partnerships just did not work out. Tyson had legitimate potential and Jenna, once again, wasted it. Same with Mira. Ariana and Charity should've been killing the competition and probably could have been some of the best dancers we've ever seen. Instead, they were kinda just there. Alyson could've been a way more competent dancer by the end if Sasha just tried even a little more. In my humble opinion, even Xochitl would've been better and had better choreo if Val had seen more competition from people outside of Jason and Daniella. Idk, we just need the pros to be better teachers. I don't think I can sit through another season of celebs having the same major problems in their dancing all season long. It just can't happen. Not when we've seen the likes of Kelly Monaco, Kelly Osbourne, Rob Kardashian, Joanna Krupa and more become legitimately good dancers, the celebs on this season should've been way better. The only true no hoper we had (not including Matt) was Jamie Lynn.

Job Shifts

Remember how I said that I was gonna come back to the judges' table? Yep, well I'm back. We need either a job shift or an addition to the judges' table. If the show wants to stick with three judges, Julianne and Derek need to swap jobs. Julianne is a better judge. Derek is probably a better host. You know all the stuff I was talking about that CAI was struggling with trying to do at the judges' table? Yeah, Julianne can do that and has done it. And she does it quite well. I think Derek would be a lot better at just talking to celebs. If the show is fine with a four person table (the ideal situation), then add Julianne, keep Derek there as well and bring on another cohost for Alfonso to work with. S/o to @forevertrueblue for that idea, as I think it's perfect. I think Kym, Leah Remini, Drew Lachey, Vanessa Lachey, Melissa Rycroft or Maria Menounos could take over that cohost job. Probably more could, but I would need to really think about some of them some more.

Silly Things

The last thing I'll post about is some of the silly things. A 3 hour and 5 person finale was foolish. Don't do that again. Having the show go into December for the first time ever was not a great idea. If we're gonna do 11 weeks, make sure that we start earlier so the show can be done at least before November ends. This also means that they need to have a much clearer plan of the show before week 1. And finally, the judges have been getting extremely lazy. There should be no reason that I can point out several blatant mistakes in a perfect scoring dance.

So that's my season ending wrap/what went wrong post for season 32 of DWTS. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to bring them up. I want to talk about this because I am still trying to figure out why exactly this season was just not it. I'll be posting a few more times over the next two weeks, so make sure to look out for those. And I will talk to you all soon. So glad to be able to put the lid on season 32 lol.

[totallyintentional]

A Short Story

It was a beautiful day in late spring. The colors were almost too vivid. The sky a shimmering blue, the clouds blazing white. The grass a sparkling, emerald green. We stopped at the fruit stand and picked out a cup of scooped mango, the fruit so bright and sweet like drops of sunlight.

> can you hear me?

No. Sorry, who

> shit

is this?

> can you see me?

Yes. Wait. I assume I am looking at you. Short hair? Dressed in orange?

> yeah. that's good

Wasn't I at a park?

> you probably were, at some point

> sorry it's a little hectic right now

> i can't find a mic on this thing

> it's hard to type and work

That's fine, I'm just a little confused.

> you remember your name?

Michael. I think.

> do you remember me?

No. Yes, I recognize you. But I don't remember from where.

> it'll come back

> moving you to a new machine

What?

New machine?

Why can't I move?

> can you move your head?

Yes, I can look around. I can see you. I can't see myself.

> not much to look at right now

What's that on the floor? Behind you?

> used to be you

No.

> cross my heart

It's a machine.

> yep. firefighter chassis

> wrong kind of firefight tho lol

> sorry

Are you implying I was shot?

> yes

And I was killed.

> no

> well

> the frame was incapacitated

> but you were fine

> i think

> you tell me

I don't feel fine. I feel decidedly not fine. I was somewhere else until you talked to me. And suddenly I'm here.

And you're telling me I'm a machine and I was shot. I don't feel like a machine. That thing behind you is not me.

> it's not now for sure

> i don't know if it "was you''

> but you were in it

> piloting it around and stuff

> the camera is moving around a lot. is that you?

I guess so! I guess I'm just a fucking webcam on a swivel! Is this hell?

> well

> maybe

> lol

> sorry

> it's been a stressful day

It wasn't.

> but it is

> i don't know exactly what you were seeing

> maybe playing your memory banks as they filled in?

> but it would have brought you back here eventually

> please stop swiveling

> i'm going to try to move you

Why do we have to move?

> i'll explain later

> promise

> no time

Can you at least face me forward? So I can see where we're going.

> it will not be pleasant

That's okay.

Oh, that was me?

Did I do all this?

Why aren't you responding?

Oh, you can't type right now. Of course.

If I did do this, why? I don't understand.

I'm not a killer.

I wouldn't.

No.

Yes.

I remember. I remember a time when I wanted someone dead.

It was late.

The dog was barking. My dog. Our dog. His name was Baxter. My son was learning to speak and kept calling him Bastard, which we thought was hilarious.

My son was taking little toddling steps, hanging from my hands. I wasn't looking. Baxter barked sometimes. He was a pudgy little beagle, even with years of training we couldn't quite convince him not to. Well, we had been a little lax on the training the last few years. My son clung to my hands so tight, laughing.

Breaking glass from the back of the house.

> michael you okay?

No.

> you're right. dumb question

Where are we now?

> could you not see?

I was distracted.

> ah let me catch up

> oh

> i'm so sorry

I would rather not talk about it. Where are we?

> we're outside

Yes I can see that.

> swivel

Why? The fence? Oh, we're outside of the fence. We were inside the fence?

> we were

Your outfit.

> ?

You're a prisoner. You escaped.

> so far so good

I helped you?

> you did

Why?

> you know

> you just don't remember yet

Humor me.

> after I catch my breath, we're moving again. deal?

Fine.

> you believed that I was not guilty of the crime I was put away for

> you were willing to help me get out so I could see my family again

How did we meet?

> that's complicated

That's cryptic.

> we met a long time ago

> we met again when I was in prison

> and you were a robot

So l'm not crazy.

> ?

I wasn't a robot before.

> no

> you were michael

How did I

> time to go

become a robot? Okay.

This would be a very beautiful stretch of forest if we weren't fleeing captivity. I wish I could smell the leaves.

I remember lots of walks in the forest. I loved to run up the hills. She would trudge up behind. Later, Baxter joined me on the runs, even though she called him a little traitor for it.

She was coming up the trail behind me. I could hear her coming around the bend. She was taking more time on the hills right now. I didn't mind.

> michael?

> ???

> please respond

You.

> ?

I know you.

> yes

From before, I mean. Your hair was a little longer then. Did they buzz it when you went to prison?

It looks good.

Oh no. Did I say something wrong? It looks terrible.

> no

> do you remember who I am?

My wife. You're my wife. Or you were.

> i am still

I'm a toaster.

> you're in a toaster

> but you're still you

I haven't remembered everything yet.

> you will

I see something. In the trees.

> shti

> can't se

Go. I'll look behind.

Slow and steady. We'll make it.

Go right.

I can't tell what it is. Or who?

Oh no, definitely a what. It's like that thing on the ground you said was me but worse.

I dont know if it's seen us. I think it may be tracking us.

> ghjfg

Watch your step.

Woah, what are you doing? Is this a truck?

Good throw.

I have no idea how loud you're being right now, but I don't feel great about our chances of getting in here undetected.

> the music is blasting in the cabin

> it's pretty dreadful

Well. Glad I can't hear it.

> I still can't see anything out there

Boost me up? Thanks.

Whatever that was, we have distance on it now. I can't see it at all.

> that's good

> this has been a difficult day

Tell me about it.

> lol

What's next?

> what's next

> we'll get you a new frame

> somehow

> that wasn't in the original plan

I get the impression a few things werent on the original plan.

They were going to hurt you. The people I killed.

> they weren't supposed to be there

> and I don't think they were dead

> but yes

> they were

> you saved my life

Or died trying.

> lol

That's why we got you out too, right?

Your sentence.

> yeah

They thought you killed me.

No, please don't cry.

> no one believed me

> i had to mourn you while everyone was saying i was the one that killed you

> they took our son

I know. I remember you telling me. The second time we met, as it were.

> in prison

In prison. And we busted you out.

> and we'll find our son

Yeah.

> :)

You don't have to emoji at me, I can see your face.

> yeah but I wanted you to know im happy

> even though crying

We still don't know who actually killed me.

> no

> I found you

l'm so sorry.

> I don't know when they plugged you in either

I'm glad they did. l'm glad I get the chance to help set this right. Or to try, anyway.

> love you

I love you too.

[winderlylandchime]

The Man, the Myth, the Legend is tired and in pain but that’s his own fault and you will see why: ‘OH HOT GUY ALERT! Emmett..baby..he is wearing denim on denim with a leather jacket, if that doesn’t scream gay, idk what does. GAY! WHAT DID I SAY!’ He just paused the episode and walked to the tv to look at Justins art ‘THATS bc you accepted a boy who wasn’t beaten yet. So of course his work was different, sherlock! Now stop being a prick and let my boy draw on his computer! We expect our students to what now? What did he just say about excelling at everything? Just bc he’s disabled doesn’t mean he won’t be amazing?! Oh just say you don’t accept disabled people you old fart! Fuck you and your tradition! I hate this clown..oh i guess the clown has some brain after all!..BRIAN! Dont put any ideas in his head.. oh he wants him to succeed and be the best and do good and this is a lot to handle on so many pain meds’ ‘why is linds being a bitch? Since when is she so uptight? Oh, the silence is LOUD…BRIAN WILL YOU GRAB THAT AND THEN HE JUST DOES? OH HE IS GONE. THAT MAN IS IN LOVE! HE IS SO IN LOVE AND NOBODY EXCEPT ME FOR SOME REASON SEES THIS *looks at me like he just realized im there too* can you see it?!’ ‘Okay dudes, that was not chill! You don’t do that to your friends. It’s fun to be jokey but that was not cool, yall are better than that…are you tho? MICHAEL BET 5 WEEKS?! i guess people do change. Tell them debbie! At least she gets it, even if she only gets it once every 17 episodes’…‘Ben better be better than David. Oh is he gonna be the one..i mean he’s asking him to talk about comics..david hid them. I hated that. Okay Benny boy, you can stick around, I’ll allow it but you get 3 strikes!’ ‘Okay goatee dude, chill the fuck out. People are allowed to have relationships and still be the hottest thing around. Don’t make him self conscious, i have worked overtime to try and get him to admit to being in love! DONT RUIN THIS FOR ME!….NOOOO HE RUINED IT FOR ME!…MICHAEL! WHAT THE FUCK MICHAEL WHO JUST SAYS THAT TO A PERSON? Just when i was about to be in your corner, someone please hit him! You cant just say fucked up shit and then say sorry! Thats not how that works!’ Then he felt bad for Mikey bc of the school thing and then he hated that he felt bad bc hes mad at him ‘Oh we are getting hot and HEAVY! Bri Bri, i am impressed! You knew he was upset and why! Oh so that guy was nothing but Justin is something? MY DUDES WE SERIOUSLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO TALK. Aww he doesn’t want Brian to change. Now that’s love! Oh COME ON, I CANT FUCKING WIN EVEN FOR A MINUTE! Im a good person, i deserve good stuff, throw me a bone ffs’ ‘aw Benny boy is listening! Oh he is way better than david! If youre the one, you can stay! Just do me a favor and make mike more tolerable, i am begging for the sake of my well being..that was sweet mike, now give me brian and justin again!’ He had to go and take his last dose of pills for today and he just looked at the ceiling and flapped his arms around while making no noise at all, so id say he’s handling it well. ‘Listen, i am 100% straight. But THIS *points to a paused screen of Brian in the green light in the beginning of the non confession scene* is one beautiful man! I AM INTRIGUED And I would not mind him hitting on me.’ I made a comment that he is now 54 years old to which he puts his hand up in my face and goes ‘I’ll get back to you on that’ and just continued to watch. 1/2 of 2x06

Dear sweet anon - I am SCREAMING over him asking if you see that Brian is in love too. Yes, Brother Anon, that's why we're all here 20 years later. Still sobbing over them.

And yes, Gale Harold is the most beautiful man to ever man. I have a straight crush on him and even at 54 he could get it. The green light scene is one of my favorite. UGH that profile.

[mrmonkeyandbow]

TW: self harm, a little bit of smut (little to no description)

ROUGH DRAFT!!! NO EDITS YET!!!!!

Solitaire-after the books ends

Once we get to the hospital I am holding Michaels hand tight. I don't let go. He even comes to my hospital room with me when they do all the tests. Once we are alone he starts to talk.

“Tori?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we going to talk about it or just let it be an elephant in the room?”

“Oh..” i say in a tone i can't quite recognize “yeah”

“Ive been wanting to do that for a while, but i didnt know if you felt the same way. I really do love you and if your okay with it…” he pauses, witch makes me nervous. “I was…” “I want…” “could we…” he is deliberating between what to say, it takes him five minutes to spit it out. No joke. “If its okay with you, would you be my girlfriend. I know this isnt the best timeing, but i really care about you and love you and I really do want to be more than friends.”

I look at him, not knowing what to say. Thats a lie, i want to say yes. I want to say yes one thousand times. But instead i just tell him to come on my bed (hospital bed) and start to kiss him. We kiss even more passionately after a minute or two. My hands holding his face, and running them through his curly, short hair. And him, wrapping his legs arround me. I remember that we are in a hospital, and why we are there. But i dont care. All i care about is the boy i love. Grasping me tight. Feeling like for once i want to keep living. I want this to never end. Charlie comes in and we both jump back. This is not how i wanted to tell my brother that i had a boyfriend. It felt good to even think that i had a boyfriend.

“Charlie!” i say with a bit of anger in my voice. Charlie had just come in the room, and i heard the door open. “You could at least knock!”

“Well im sorry but i didnt think that you would be here canoodling with your…” he pauses for a second.

“Boyfriend” i say with a stern tone in my voice. I look over at Michael and he’s bright red. “Now go”

He turns and leaves. Michael still holding me tight

{~*at home that night*~}

Michael didnt leave me throughout the entire trip at the hospital, or the ride home. Mom and dad decided it was best if he slept over, just to keep a eye on me. Just like nick did with charlie that one time. Its a little bit weird because they dont know what we are dating. Michael and I get a bed ready for him together, even though we know we arent going to use it. Just to trick my parents, they are super strict about this stuff. I get into my pjs and so does Michael. We start talking in bed. Not for long but once we start to get ready to actually go to bed, i turn the other way. Suddenly i feel a arm around me, hugging me close. I start to blush, and i hold his hand. We start to sleep around 3, a usual time for me, so im okay with it. The next thing i know im awake, next to Michael. For once when i wake up, im glad i woke up. Im happy seing his face. I think if he where awake then i wouldnt of started to play with his hair, but i do. Its so curly and theres no gell in it, for understandable reasons. I like it like this. Free. Michael looks at me, when he opens his eyes. I pull my hand back, embarrassed. We both chuckle.

“Whatcha doing?” he chuckles

“You already know!” i say while my face turns pink

“I dont mind, i like it.” he says while he starts to play with my hair.

Suddenly i feel the urge to kiss him. I dont know why. i learned my leson yesterday with people walking in. so i get up and lock the door. I think he can tell where this is going. I get back in bed, looking at him while he is looking at me. I start to blush. Blush so hard, i start to get embarrassed.

“I hate you” i wisper under my breath while slightly chuckling

“I love you too tori spring.” he whispers through his breath as he leans in for a kiss.

We start to kiss, more and more. He is rubbing his hand up and down my back, as im doing the same to him. I notice he starts to rub a little lower, over my hips and i start to chuckle. The next hour or two is not PG. after im lying my head on his chest, moving my finger ever so slightly up and down. Someone knocks on the door, i know its charlie because he starts talking. “Tori? Are you in there?”

“Shit, shit, shit, shit” i say under my breath, as MIchael looks at me.

He quickly goes into the bathroom as im putting my dressing gown on. I unlock my door and he comes in.

“Can you drive me round nicks? I would walk but its raining”

“Can’t.”

Charlie looks arround “dosnt look like your doing much.”

“You can walk, use a umbrella.”

He walks out, visibly annoyed. I tell Michael its safe to come out of the bathroom.

[theinkofbabel]

Agalflurgaburg

I just made a sound and typed it out. It's cool that humans can just do that. I'm sure it has been said before, even written down, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I think it's cool.

Anyway dear reader, do I have some stuff to share today! I took a little over a week to just vibe because I succeeded in my first job interview! I'm starting on the maintenance crew at a golf course that's not even a 5 minute drive away from my house. It'll only be part time for now, but I am happy to finally have a schedule of sorts!

The guy interviewing me, I'm not sure what to call him because I've not started yet, pointed out quite a few of the things I was nervous about, but he is willing to give me a shot because, "you seem like you'll actually do the work," is what he said. I'm happy to hear that I give off that vibe. This is a learning experience for me and he recognized that, saying that it's something he enjoys doing for people my age.

Now that I'm reflecting, I truly feel relieved because I wasn't putting the confidence from my posture into my words. But nobody is perfect, and I sure as hell am far from it. But that is okay. I couldn't process it during the week because my days felt suffocating despite my lack of activity. I was told not to worry about cooking this week by my mom, and I don't think she realizes it's how I decompress. I'm going to start cooking again next week, whether people want me to or not.

I'm going to cut things here to make the post overall shorter. If anyone wants to read the rest of my post I'll continue, but first some pictures from the break without context! (Turns out I can't type under pictures in mobile, so just scroll down after hitting More)

Where to begin... I guess I'll keep it shorter than I anticipated because it's almost 1 in the morning.

I want to be more social. Like I want to start pushing my boundaries. I want to get out of this comfort zone where I only let 1 person see inside. I'm physically confident in myself, but I'm not great with people. If anyone reads this I ask no matter who you are, even if it only ends up being a single conversation, send me a message. I do all sorts of things so it is likely I know at least a little about what you talk about. You'd be surprised how many topics I know of but can't express on a daily basis.

I'm kind of desiring human contact right now.

Going to just say, the pies were delicious and give no more detail because now it is over a week ago. Might make more hand pies.

Went to the aquarium on Friday last week, if you know you know. Took some nice pictures because I'm not that deep into my liking of fish, but I wanted some of that vibe that I can just remember. I use these photos as a sort of external memory that I recall be looking at it. I got scolded a bit because my parents don't enjoy the idea of taking photos on trips, but this felt like the last time I'll go to that aquarium for a long time.

I don't know if it's the music I'm listening to or the looming dread that comes early in the morning, but I'm getting a bit nihilistic right now. I have all these plans in my head, but it all feels worthless. I feel the most alive while moving my body, while cooking, while working outside. I feel stagnant when I'm in this monotonous mood. I want consistency in my life, but I think the key to living is finding the little things and not growing used to them. I don't want to grow used to something because everything has such small things to love. Especially people, there are minor flaws or attributes to people that make me want to love everyone. I don't want to grow used to people, but I want to hold on to the ability to see those small details and appreciate them.

Well... that was something...

I'll be off now, dear reader...

Goodbye for now,

Michael

[measuringbliss]

Spider-Man Read-Through 038: A Nova-stic Mystery (ASM 171, Nova v1 12)

MASTERPOST

Ooooh! Another murder mystery! Come along, let's figure this out, unlike last time.

So Nova, aka Rich Rider, goes to see his uncle, but he learns at the train station that the latter has been abducted by a being named Photon.

There's at least two reasons to not believe this Jason Dean. First off, we don't have proof (yet) that anything he says is true. Secondly... look at the clock in the upper middle panel. 2:15. Now look...

Wait... Huh?

See, the clock is very clearly put at the forefront here. But I read it as 3:30, not 2:30... But if Rich says it's 2:30... Okay, let's assume so. The drawing isn't clear, but let's believe it. My theory was that 1 hour and 15 minutes was enough to kill Rich's uncle and clean the crime scene, but I guess this is moot.

The police chief, Rich and Jason Dean go back to the house.

Well, that's certainly not suspicious at all!

What the heck are you doing here, tiger?

Turns out Connors recommended him to check out the uncle's library, and so Peter did. Photon appeared quickly after they talked for a bit.

They also make a special point to emphasize that the uncle was fond of wordplay and especially anagrams. Hm.

Rich calls his dad to explain the situation to him. When he returns to the parlor, Daze says he's still dazed (but call him Happy!) and Rich decides to change into his super-hero self, Nova.

Anyway, Spider-Man gets in his suit and spots someone running away. They fight, and the man lets out that he's happy that the uncle died. Oooh!

Nova spots Spidey and they have a little confrontation.

They get better.

Turns out the strange man was the uncle's lab assistant!

...Wait wait wait wait.

The next page involves the characters talking to each other and using their names... Anagrams.

For reasons hopefully clear enough, we won't include Peter in this little game.

I have no experience trying anagrams. Normal font: my attempt. Bold: The computer!

Harry Daze: Dear [Rahzy]. Solver inconclusive. Michael Lincoln: Nonchemical, conman Jason Dean: Solver inconclusive. Franklin Risk: Solver inconclusive.

... I'm bad at it, but I feel like Lincoln is the most probably culprit if there's truly a wordplay at bay... Although my solver only searched for singular words.

Let's continue.

Rider, aka the uncle, screamed at 2:25? Jason Dean met Photon at 15, so is it really possible? He arrives at the train station at 30...

Hmm, this is suspicious, but still. The butler suddenly interrupts them, then the suspicious Harry Daze "excuses himself". HMM.

Everyone leaves Nova and Peter alone, and then Photon is back! He declares that one of them saw Photon's true identity. Hmm, really?

What. It feels just as messy as a Murder, She Wrote plot.

I feel like it must be Daze, so that means I'm probably wrong.

Or not?

Time for another discussion! It becomes more and more clear that everybody wanted the uncle's research results for their own evil deeds--A.I.M., the maggia...

Well, who can it be?

Suddenly, the light switch is turned off! When it's back on, the police chief reveals that the butler died before saying who was the culprit. How convenient!

That's a fun way to do it!

And I'm not sure at this point. So let's check out ASM, shall we?

Hmm.

If everybody had disappeared, does it mean that they're all the culprit? Obviously, none of them wants bad press, but they may all be accomplices...

As he leaves to catch them, Nova thinks about the fact that the police chief left out a lot of things in his reports, notably the ties of each character to bad business, which I did notice, but can't quite decide on the meaning. I don't see how he could have killed the uncle if he's the police chief and was at his station the whole time. But he might have a lot of interest in keeping the ties to himself, if he wants to manipulate them later...

MEANWHILE: SLICE OF LIFE!

"I'd sooner die than put the woman I love in danger" HA. HA. HA. Oboy.

That man who wants to confront her, though... Could it be her brother? Raxton? The Molten Man? He's the one that immediately comes to mind. And the get up and footprints also seem to indicate as much.

The bad guys are all gathered in the lighthouse by the coast. Franklin Risk reveals he's the one who pulled the plug back at the house, as he wants to do business with those men.

The "Ms. Marvel" mentioned is Carol Danvers, by the way. Oh, I'm going to see The Marvels in a few hours actually! I'll tell y'all how it was. (Update: It was fun!)

Anyway, Spidey and Nova pay everyone a visit, but they're captured by Photon (and obviously, the suspects have disappeared).

The heroes escape and decide to recap what happened AGAIN. Dear Lord.

Yeah, I noticed the "shot" thing but wondered if it was just a script mistake. Spidey says Dean should have arrived quicker. I don't know. I did notice they said it was a miles away, but you know. Panic. Old vehicles. That kind of stuff.

So everybody gets back to the uncle's house...

Pretty panel.

Rich's dad arrived there! He's taken as hostage by Photon, but Nova jumps around everywhere and knocks Photon down.

OH MY FUCKING GOD. I KNEW IT. I KNEW THE CALENDARS WERE IMPORTANT. I KNEW THEY WAS LINKED TO THE ANAGRAM THING. I EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT DOING THAT EXACT THING.

But I just forgot about it. Oh my Goooooooooooooooooood...

So, I think it was an alright duo of issues, but the plot loses his way around its second half. It introduces too many motives, too many mishaps, a lot of empty talks... And it turns the clues used to discover the culprit's identity were things that showed up in the first three pages of this 40 pages story. I can see the scenarists having the basic clues figured out and needing to fill the rest to get the page quota. How disappointing! Well, it was still fun to try and figure out, and I do like the last clue.

The readers page tell us that WOTW was a popular character, and he came from one of Len Wein's fanzines. That's nice to know! Apparently, Marv Wolfman and Mark Hannerfeld begged him to include the character.

In the next post: White Tiger in SSM! I know her from Marvel Snap, the card game on mobile that has banger music. After that, Hitman's return (which no one asked for) in ASM, mystery villains in SSM, and finally, the Green Goblin's return in ASM to close this run!

I'll reserve my judgment for when I finish it, but so far, it's been sadly unsatisfying. The long plots are very intriguing and interesting, but the individual issues, not so much. I wonder how I'll even deal with that in my Recommendation post...