#queueing this hi good morning hiii!!

[into-the-blorboverse]

Holloway Sibling Dynamics

The Holloway family consists of 6 kids, 4 boys and 2 girls, and their mother and father. Their dad was in the military and is often pretty strict on all of them. The siblings bonded over their hatred of waking up god awful early to go run laps around the neighborhood. Hand-me-downs and very limited shower times was the norm for these kids. The family tries to all get together at least once a month for family dinners, which probably became a tradition now that the parents are now grandparents.

Michael is the oldest, and while he had plenty of responsibilities around the house he was also, the first rebellious one. But he also didn't push it very far, either. He just partied and went out with friends on occasion ((has had to run several laps hungover much to his chagrin)) and tried to play a few instruments in hopes of getting into a band at some point. He gives his drums to Gabe when he moves out lol score. Once he left the house, he didn't have much need to rebel and prove himself, he's settled down now and doesn't look back with regret that the band thing never came to fruition. He's married now and has a son! Turns out being a dad can be fun and isn't about being The Big Boss Man! 👍

Rebecca rushed into getting married to get out of the house when she hit 18. Safe to say that didn't go well in the end, and she's divorced now. She's got an attitude problem and a bad habit of "borrowing" money without asking, and yet... still manages to be the perfect angel in her parents eyes by faking her sweet little persona to them. 😇 Most of the siblings see through this act...

Raphael is just tryin to make it through this you know? He spends his money as soon as the paycheck comes in, weird, wonder if any siblings forced that to become a habit somehow idk... He doesn't take the best care of himself or take things seriously, but he's having fun. His parents are literally begging him to learn how to balance a checkbook. huh, wha? 😎

Gabriel is our main character here lol most of the dynamics below will be his perspective. :) He was the easiest to pick on as a kid, and didn't talk much due to a speech impediment (so true buddy). He has a complex about this, but if you see him not talking much nowadays you’d probably just think he’s the strong silent type. He was diagnosed with narcolepsy as a teen, but only after the struggle of his parents Not believing that anything was wrong, chalking it up to him being a lazy teen. Christ.. Rebecca still seems to see him this way and finds it Annoying when it comes up. CHRIST. Anyway Gabriel becomes more rebellious and fed up with this shit when he gets older, yay! His parents don't like that he quit his job and joined a band, and that's not even mentioning the full sleeve of tattoos... but it seems like he's stable and all so they don't express their disappointment too much... He feels it though! 🥴

Hannah was lucky that by the time she was born the parents had let go of the expectation that they may have another child (and daughter especially), and let go of the many hand-me-down clothes she would have inherited. She gets to get a whole new wardrobe, yay! She doesn't know how she wants to style herself, though. Rebecca tries to help and loves to take her shopping, excited to have a little sister! Hannah dislikes that people won't take her seriously because she looks younger than she is. Please! Like a true 18 year old's mentality, she thinks she knows it all now that she's An Adult. She is however. Very 18 still. 🙄

Noah hm.. so far Noah is just chillin, and he takes things in stride. Like a true 15 year old's humor... He's always jokin around and he easily shrugs off any teasing that comes his way from his older siblings. Their father sees a lot of potential with Noah seeming so athletic, maybe his son will be interested in becoming military like him?? But really he's just got a lot of energy to burn. 😂

Okay that was a fun intro to the characters... actual dynamics time under the cut!

Gabriel and Michael get along ... okay. Now that they're older they're kinda building back what could have been. Michael realizing and admitting what Gabe went through was shitty, actually, and he promises he'll try and treat his son with more respect than what their parents gave Gabe. Gabe thinks his wife is nice and he loves having a little nephew. If ever the family dynamic otherwise imploded, I'm sure Gabriel would still try to be in touch with Michael and his newer tiny family. Michael's very excited that he's "following in his footsteps" drumming and getting into a band. Well, this is farther than his footsteps ever got, so good job lil bro!

Rebecca doesn't respect any of these bitches except Hannah. Michael and Raphael didn't really take any of her bullshit, but growing up Gabe always felt easier to pick on anyway. She continuously stole money from him as teens and she just played innocent to get away with it. Gabe avoids her as best as he can nowadays..

Gabe and Raph are closest in age and shared bedrooms growing up! Being in close quarters so often has given them the tightest bond between all the siblings. Despite having different interests, they still got along most of the time which made it work. Gabriel may not have specifically confided in Raph about being queer but Gabe knows that he can trust him with that information, however he learned about it. Context clues such as the posters on Gabe's walls and the Gay Ear piercing is all making sense now... They still hang out with each other pretty often.

When Hannah and Noah were young they were affectionately dubbed The Ketchup Kids by Gabriel and Raphael, because of their need to put ketchup on everything, as children do, of course. Gabe liked to tease them a little, since he got so much of that from his 3 older siblings, to varying degrees. They grew out of this phase but the name still stuck! Hannah is embarrassed by this now, but Noah fully embraces it. Amen, brother, pass the ketchup. 🍅

Gabe always wanted to be the Cool Older Brother TM that would take the lil guys to get ice cream for lunch, like Michael would do with him on occasion after he got his license. (Michael and Hannah being 7 years separated from Gabriel in either direction seems especially meaningful) But with his sleep disorder, the possibility of him learning to drive has flown out the window and the kids, not really thinking critically about the actual reason Gabe wants to hang out (being like 10 and 7 after all) just think "why would we take the bus with you we can just get mom to take us to the mall lol" :) haha... ha....... He takes this to heart and has a complex about it (as is tradition). When he confides in this to Michael, Michael offers to drive the whole group to get ice cream but god thats not the same you're still gonna be the cool brother who can drive and I can't!!!!!! It's fine...

Gabe doesn't reach out much now that they're older, he doesn't know them well and feels they won't have much in common. But they see each other at family dinners so not all is lost. There's still hope for them, seeing how Michael and Gabe's relationship is doing better, and him and Raph are still going strong... Maybe they just need more time to grow!

If you liked this deep dive into OC Families, Darla also wrote one about the Song siblings! Feel free to ask about other families you'd like to hear about, or leave comments if you enjoyed these, teehee!

[hangesdarling]

hiii this is an idea for the hange love note thing, but i'm not good at writing letters or notes... but i'll try !

Hange, I'm sorry for always rejecting your advances and ignoring your gazes. I'm worried about you. Please recover soon.

(i was trying to convey something like where hange is flirty and gets subtly rejected, but after hange loses their eye the reader feels really bad and realizes how much they love and care for hange <3)

send hange a short love note!

when: before your scout training

You always knew them as the kid who tried to scrape the walls with a shovel. You lived in another village but always saw them whenever you had to go outside to get your produce from the market. You were slightly intrigued as to why a child your age wanted to dig on the walls but your curiosity was cut short when you saw Military Police officers approaching. Their presence alone reminded you of the scary tales parents tell children like you at night to instill good behavior. You ran away from the scene, hugging the goods in your arms as you rushed back home.

But fate seemed to have played a bridging chord as you met this person again before your scout training, you didn't know their name but you couldn't mistake their glasses or the fiery, determined eyes behind them.

You were in a queue, signing up for the Survey Corps when you saw their bandaged arm.  It wasn't wrapped securely and dirt accumulated on the creased rim. Retrieving memories from your childhood, it wasn't a far-fetched idea for this person to get into scrapes and such. You didn't know if the memory served you right but you felt your hand reaching for a fresh roll of bandage neatly tucked in your bag and offering it to them. They were surprised by such a thoughtful act but only nodded in gratitude when you asked them if you could replace the bandage on their arm. You could feel their eyes on you the entire time. Their eyes spoke of thankfulness and fascination, not failing to express it in words. You smiled before taking your leave as the queue signaled your turn, but not before they could utter their name: Hange.

After being enlisted in the Survey Corps, you were welcomed by another set of friends and acquaintances. Your group was always separated from Hange but they always managed to come and say hi to you or share their food as if in gratitude for the first day when you showed them kindness. At one point, you told them that they didn't have to do so much to thank you but they insisted on helping you out whenever you need.

You noticed Hange's subtle gazes on you or their flirty attitude at the limited time they were near you. But their advances always end up overlooked as you always see them as a good friend and nothing else.

At the return to Shiganshina, dread stirred on your insides, as you looked at your comrades, a sinister thought crept up your mind that maybe after this mission, you wouldn't see each other again.

The moment you charged outside, you wished to at least see Hange that morning before everything else changed your lives.

BUt later that day, hearing about Hange's squad getting caught up in the explosion shook something inside you. You felt your flesh liquefying, getting sucked dry out of your skin. Your dread and regret made a sinister pair upon tormenting your insides that your hands trembled just by holding your blades. However, seeing Hange emerge alive with a bandaged eye lifted the veil of dread over your heart, replaced by concern at the sight of their injury.

You wanted to jump in their arms, telling them how grateful you were to see them again, maybe offer to treat their bandaged eye the way you bandaged their arm the first day you met, but you were both shaken by the battle that took those you love and cared for.

Hange only acknowledged you with a gentle squeeze on the shoulder before walking past as the remaining soldiers returned to the headquarters.

That night, Hange sat by the window, staring ahead at the vast midnight blue darkness along a lone white rose placed in a small jar. Too many thoughts and too many dead comrades for one small flower.

Hange recognized your entrance as you knocked on their door, acknowledging you with a single eye as you sat by the window next to them.

Nothing was exchanged but soft words masking the grief and affection lying underneath. Hange would look at you in that same subtle gaze they used to have all those years ago but this time, they felt you returning that same tender gaze.

You stood up from your seat and went into their arms, surprising Hange as they saw you initiate such an affectionate act. But no sooner, their arms gave up, no longer holding so much strength after that battle. They sank into your embrace, their wounded heart nestling to your warmth to suffice for the cold night.

[dietmountaindewbae]

hiii, can you write something about alex with jealous, pls

xi. one for the road

alex turner x reader

requested by anonymous

word count: 3501

summary: A spark of jealousy made the fire rise up between you and (late 2011) Alex, and it's your duty to make him remember you're irreplaceable, will he fall into your trap?

warnings: degradati!on, h!ckeys, bru!ses.,

music recommendations: good morning beautiful by deftones

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*⋆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*⋆ 

Waking up dizzy, with a killer headache that felt like a knife was pushed into your head, while a bumpy road was ahead, this hungover probably was in your top 5 worse hangovers in the world, a frown was tattooed on your brows.

You woke up on the couch like almost every day after a massive gig, but this time you were covered in a leather jacket, you smiled at the thought, and there was Pete, head on the couch, sleeping awkwardly next to you, he was just waking up just like you.

"Good morning beautiful" He had a deep raspy voice, you giggled and tried to fix your hair.

"Hello" You giggled, "God... what the fuck happened yesterday?"

"The same, we got shitfaced together but I do remember quite clearly that you begged me to stay with you" You gasped, and immediately sat straight, he had a smirk on his lips.

"Mmm I don't think so, I think that's your dirty little fantasy about me, Pete" He rolled his eyes at you, he was about to open his mouth to talk back at you, "Don't deny it" He sneaked up on you, tickling your sides, falling into the couch.

Alex came back from his bunk, all dressed up in his blue jeans, and white shirt uniform, "Good, you two are up" He took a sip of his black coffee, "I'll grab that" He said, grabbing the black leather jacket you had slept with the other night, you thought it was Pete's but you remembered he wore a denim jacket last night, so... how did you end up with Alex's jacket if Pete was up next to you? Then you realized he was up way before you, Pete stood up and he was wearing sweatpants, if he had crashed with you, he would probably be wearing the same clothes as yesterday, Jesus you needed a cold shower, an aspirin, and a coffee.

The cold water on your face made you see clearly, you just remembered waking Pete up, and you were angry about something, you didn't remember what exactly but Pete was comforting you, yes you had been friends with him but things got a little flirty between you two, of course, with a little bit of booze the tongue loosens up, you shared a few drinks with him until you crashed in the couch again, you had a bed but you found the couch so comfortable that night, you stayed there until 4 with Pete, maybe this whole waking up with Pete next to you wouldn't have happened if only Alex hadn't sneaked out that girl a couple of nights ago, jealousy made you act this way, is not like you were in love, but he made you want him so bad that it made you so angry thinking about him sleeping with someone that wasn't you, he came to you with his little broken heart and puppy brown eyes, and now you were the one who looked like that.

Around 5 you were in the arena, arriving for the soundcheck, and after that, you stayed in your hotel room trying to remember everything but nothing yet, so you gave up and tried to forget about it by taking a walk around the city with your girls, you didn't tell them what happened though, you found it useless, there was no way in them being helpful if you had amnesia from yesterday. The clock was ticking, you arrived at the concert, and there was Pete backstage waiting for their queue smoking a Marlboro red.

"Hey... I brought you a beer" You said to Pete, resting your back against the wall, "As an apology for yesterday, waking you up in the middle of the night"

"Nah, you can wake me up as many times you'd like" You both chuckled, "Besides, you seemed like you wanted to talk with someone, so... I'm always here, as a friend... or whatever you want" And that's when another memory flashed back, you were about to fuck him, and that word you used, "No hard feelings, no strings attached" What the fuck was going on in your head?

"Oh," You blushed, "Maybe we can see what happens later," You said to him just to not talk about that subject anymore, and he scoffed.

"You don't remember anything about yesterday, right?" You were honest and said no with your head, "This is what happened yesterday" He grabbed you by the waist, crashing his mouth on yours, and for some reason, even if his mouth tasted heavenly, and his kissing was amazing, it still didn't feel right, because he was out there.

Alex watched you from the other side of the stage, he watched you laughing, blushing, and kissing Pete, he watched everything, and he just wanted to crash his knuckles against his jaw, he had the nerve to kiss you out of all of the girls he could have, the anger took over him, he wanted to smash his guitar on his head, even worse, he thought that you liked his kissing, because of the way you let your body relax underneath his, and your soft lips opened to let his tongue slip inside you, he held you so closely, not wanting to let go of you, and there was Alex who thought he was the only one who could make you feel alive.

Pete kissed you once more before he went to the stage, the crowd yelled euphoric, while your heart felt like it was about to burst out of your chest, you trapped a cigarette between your lips but your black lighter wouldn't turn on, "Use mine" A deep voice said, of course, it was Alex, he lighted up your cigarette, trapping you against the wall, "So Pete and you, huh?"

"I could say the same about you and her" You nudged your head signing at the girl you didn't even bother remembering her name, she was too busy taking pictures with everyone at the gig, you didn't know her but she seemed like the type of girl you didn't want to be around anyways, "Don't even ask another question," You said, pushing him away, "Do whatever you want Alex, I don't care what you do, fuck with her, fuck with any girl you want but don't come back to me like a dog" You answered him back, "Besides... you and I can both agree on that... what can she do that I can't do better? Tell me..."

"I don't think so" He answered with a smirk, but you knew his body just as well as you knew the way his mind worked, he wasn't fooling you, he stunk of cigarettes, whiskey, and his poisonous cologne, and it was obvious he couldn't make things work with her, of course, there would be a time where he could find someone else, and you didn't really mind that, but all of those nights he said he was yours, no one else could set him up on fire quite as you do, had him running around trying to trap you in between his hands, "What do you even care about? I know you're jealous" He smirked, that evil smirk he gave you really made you laugh.

"Oh, you're stupid if you think she could be something I could be jealous of, I thought you out of all people would know that fact better than the rest," You even felt a little bad for him, "You poor thing, I bet she can't even get your dick to be as hard like I can, not even take you as good, that's why you're all so frustrated, so unattended, 'cause she's not me, never forget about that" You inched closer, he sighed wanting to kiss your mouth so heavily, you grabbed the bulge on his jeans, "Good luck getting rid of that" He was as stiff as a rock, and he was starving for more.

He rushed to his car pulling the hairs off his head, closing his eyes and picturing you as his hand slowly descended to his jeans, that was the first thing that came into his mind when he was this frustrated, your mouth, your kisses, your soft pleads against his ear, he yearned to be inside you, and all because he found the wrong girl attractive, he didn't know why did he even think someone like Pete could replace him, why did he get so possessive over you? He couldn't concentrate as much, he was confused, angry but most of all in great need of you, he closed his eyes once more, he began to move his hand inside his tight black jeans, he remembered a day when you walked around only in a mini skirt and you silver bathing suit, he exhaled deeply, his hand gripping his dick tightly, adding more pressure to his head, you walked around free, even when you bend down to pick up something he couldn't help himself and he looked underneath so shameless, he wanted a taste of what was underneath that skirt, and soon enough he did, he fucked you on his motorcycle that day, so roughly you were crying, whining, your legs couldn't stop shaking, your tits were hanging out of that tiny bathing suit, you pussy was so wet, got so tight around him, and he remembered watching how he drove his dick in and out of you, your hard nipples, and your damp hair, his hand speeds up the movements, his skin filling with goosebumps, he could almost vividly feel you kissing him, he just wanted another taste, another bite of your bottom lip, to take him so well, his hand squeezed his cock just like you did until finally he came all over his stomach saying your name out loud, "Fuck-" He cursed under his breath, he had to clean up before he went up, and most importantly deal with you after the gig.

He went to the stage, trying not to mess up his solos, as he tried not only to focus on the lyrics but you, most importantly. You were talking with Pete along with a beer, sitting on his lap while he had his arm around your hips, hand on your thigh, your dress hitching up your thighs allowing him to see a small fraction of your panties, what had him on the edge were you, you did this on purpose to pull the strings of his hair, to get him to feel the same way you did, maybe it was just a dark and moody game you had going on with him but it was exciting, and Peter and that girl were just pawns in it, he was so gentle with you, caressing your legs up and down so gently, but truly he couldn't get on Alex's level.

"You look so beautiful sweetheart," He played with the straps of your silver dress, leaving a kiss on your shoulder, his fingers climbing up your leg gently, the look in your eyes sending him spiraling down, letting his body take control over him, it said to come, try, give a taste, taste me, those greedy eyes enchanted him, he kissed your lips so softly, but then when you returned the kiss he took advantage to pull you closer to him, deepening the kiss, he was so needy for it, too needy, that's what turned you off, you liked that Alex wanted you but he could breathe without you, and you were scared Pete wouldn't take things just like Alex, he would never replace Alex, you were more sure of that with every kiss you gave him, you wished it was Alex's lips, they tasted like heaven.

It was around 11 when the gig finished, you were walking down the halls trying to find Katie until an arm pulled you in, and his strong hands pushed your back against the door shutting it close, your heart was beating out of your chest, "You keep doing that, see how that turns out for you, but you know that even if he fucks you, you're still gonna think about me, I can see it in your eyes because you kissed him just like you kiss me, but you know is only me who can make you get wet with only whispering your name, you know he's no better than me, so why even bother?"

"You were so busy with her, so I got busy too, don't take it personal Alex," You gave him a smirk, but it only got him more annoyed, he put his hand around your neck, chocking you lightly but enough to make you stay in place, "Or do, do whatever you want, I already told you"

"How personal did you get with him?"

"Do you wanna know?" You gave him that look he always struggled to find the answer, it was playful, innocent, so confusing, he didn't know what to think, it could mean anything.

"Tell me, do I wanna know?" You just giggled at him, he was begging you to know, but at the same time, he knew at least nothing had happened with Pete last night when he woke up in the early morning, that night he didn't sleep as much when he heard you complaining with Pete, he saw you sleeping with your arms and legs closed, Pete didn't even bother to cover you up but Alex did, "I know you don't want him as much as you want me, come on, I know you want it so why don't you quit that attitude" You stared at his eyes, he knew you wouldn't drop it.

"Make me" He unbuckled his thick cowboy leather belt, unzipped his jeans, took his cock, and dug his fingers into your skin ripping apart your fishnets pushing your panties to the side sliding his dick inside you, a hollowed moan escaping your lips when he went all the way inside you, he was so hard, so big it felt so delicious inside you that it made you wanna cry out his name.

"I'll make you remember who's the one that can get that face to look like that" His movements speed up, making the straps of your dress fall exposing your tits, you held on to his hips as best as you, you couldn't help yourself anymore, you were gasping for air as he fucked you so hard against the door, your pussy getting wetter with every thrust of his hips, "You're my girl, he would never make you feel like this, don't be stupid, you know the right choice to make"

"And what's that?"

"Stop fucking around with him, and I'll keep making you cum as good as today and every day" That sounded so appealing, but you were trying out new buttons, and it was time to press the red one.

"And what if I don't?" He took his cock away, leaving you empty, and trembling.

"You know what happens, you're never satisfied and eventually you'll get down on your knees," He pushed your shoulders down gently you landed on your knees, "Just like that, ask for me to fuck you up real hard and deep, so I'll give you one last chance," He grabbed you by the hair, pushing his thumb inside your mouth, you sucked on it, swirling your tongue gently, he took his thumb away and spat on your mouth, "Don't disappoint me" You took his swollen red cock inside your mouth, he pushed his cock far deeper inside you hitting the back of your throat, you gulped, saliva strings falling from your chin to the floor, your eyes staining with tears, but his look of satisfaction, and his gasping it made you so wet, he drew back, and you allowed yourself to breathe shortly, then you took him back in, stroking his cock up and down as you mainly focused on his head, swirling your tongue around it, feeling precum leak out, but he stood up, crossed arms, waiting for you to take him all in, you would made him want you even more than the other days, you took a deep breath before you took him in once more, swallowing around him, his head hitting the back of your throat, and you kept him hit it until his hand fell on your hair, he thrust his hips back and forward, "Just like fuckin- that doll, it feels so good" You drew back, and what you couldn't fit on your mouth you stroked it, your eyes glistened with tears, "You love chocking on it, don't you? I'll fuck your pussy nice and deep just like you love it, I bet you're so wet by now, you little cunt, I told you you would regret it" He buried his dick inside your throat, and you gagged and gulped but you were persistent with obvious anger on your eyes, "Can't speak with your mouthful, can you? Come on, let's not waste enough time, I'll show you what you're gonna miss if you leave me for that vanilla fucker" He picked you up from the floor, and you wrapped your legs around him as an instinct, he pushed his stiff dick inside you, slipping inside your walls so easily as your body jolts up with every thrust of his hips, you were pressed up against him so tightly it made a few moans escape your mouth, each getting louder until he covered your mouth when he heard someone knock on his door.

"Alex?" It was Jamie, "We're going to the bus, Nick bought a few bottles, wanna come?"

"In a bit, I'll try not to take too long" But even if he wanted, it wasn't the right place at the moment, "Is everyone goin'?"

"Yes, but we're missing someone you know who it is, have you seen her? Pete is looking for her but she's missing" That fucking Pete getting on his way again, he buried his cock inside your pussy covering your mouth as he slightly opened the door.

"I don't know where could she be, have you searched the parking lot? she might be out having a smoke," You breathed heavily, your hand began to rub your clit in desperate circles, he felt your walls getting tighter around him, while you were drooling for him to fuck you harder and faster since there was a whole search team after you already, Alex was begging for Jamie to leave.

"Ok, will do, call me when you finish doin' whatever that you're doin'" He shut the door once Jamie disappeared, you wept when his movements got a lot rougher, sending you flying away, your tits hardening as you felt yourself closer.

"You're a whore, touching yourself while you had my cock inside you, you're so fuckin' dirty, you're a misbehaving little whore, I'll teach ya" His cock was throbbing inside you as he pushed his body up and down, you held onto his strong arm, his hand wrapping around your neck, his death ramps ring felt cold against your flushed flesh, "You want to finish?" You nodded your head you couldn't form a sentence, just moan out the pleasure of his cock inside you, and his thumb going around in circles, as his movements began to get a little more sloppy, "Cum on my cock, make a mess on it, it's all for you, so come on you little whore do what I say" You are in utter shock, the ability he had to keep a steady pace at the same time he rubbed your clit in circles, his lips attached to your neck, sucking and biting on it, "You're body's mine, you're mine, I'll show you" He left another on your right tit as the other one was kneaded roughly with his hand, you followed the movements of his hips, you wanted him buried all the way inside you, you trembled as he pressed down on that button, he thrust back and goes back in, you felt a moan built up on your throat and your release on your stomach, he went back another time, and that's when you finally gave in, coming all over his cock, "That's it doll, make a mess on me cock, I know you love it like that"

"Oh fuck..." You gasped for air, "Alex, that was-"

"You know what to do love, you leave him," You nodded your head obediently, "'Cause I already left her, I think you should do the same," To avoid something growing between you, you came up with a good idea.

"After the tour is over, you can see whoever you want, and we keep being friends, we don't have to make things weird if we don't want to," You smiled at him pecking his lips, "It's my time to go, I had fun Al" You opened the door fixing your dress, "You know where to find me"

"While you're there, will you pour me one for the road?"

A/N

Hope you enjoyed today's new chapter, please if you have more requests please drop them by without any doubt.

[kaesficrecarchive]

can you do more markhyuck recs?

with one sided pining if possible? 🥹🙏

hiii!

i've just put 10 markhyuck fics in my queue and put my queue on 2/day, so prepare to be fed the next 5 days!

unfortunately none of them seemed to be one sided pining so! i've gone on a little hunt in the bookmarks of some trusted authors i follow. here's what i found:

(disclaimer: i haven't read any of these so idk if they're actually one-sided pining or if they're good!)

to know you is to love you by tooshy (1/1 | 11,650 | T)

If you asked Mark where it started, he'd say on that one train ride to Busan, or maybe the summer before college. But you're not asking Mark, because he doesn’t know the half of it and you want the full story. So, you're asking Donghyuck, and he'll tell you where it starts. He's nice like that.

(or, Mark never believes Donghyuck when he tells him he's been in love with him from the moment he learned how to say his name, but—well. He has.)

(tags: not actually unrequited love + pining)

I'm the secret that you hide, I'll be listening until you decide by helicases (1/1| 4,125 | T)

It's habit, looking for Mark, even when Donghyuck knows he's not nearby.

(tags: pining + angst)

don’t get lost in heaven by mayhems (6/6 | 30,524 | T)

Mark Lee is a problem. Donghyuck needs to figure out how to get rid of him.

(tags: pining + it's all about the yearning)

if you are the shores, i am the waves by DREAMWRLD (1/1 | 17,766 | T)

Donghyuck wants to go home. He wants to throw himself in bed like a dramatic teenager, scream into his pillow, and furiously write all of his overflowing feelings into the pages of his journal. He wants to embrace his hurt, to really feel it for all that it’s worth so maybe it will leave him alone.

Donghyuck wants Mark, but not like this.

(tags: pining + crushes + yearning !!!)

it takes two by tooshy (1/1 | 28,361 | T)

What seems to do the trick most times is closing his eyes and counting down from seven, a combination of all his favorite things: it's his lucky number, he gets to press pause on reason and logic, and when he opens them he’s always welcomed with Donghyuck’s face. Three, two, one, eyes open, and—there’s silk pajamas, crossed arms leaning into the rolled down window of his car and disinterest coming off every pore of a face that isn't Donghyuck’s, one that greets him with, "He told me to tell you he's not getting in a car with you." What’s always minus one?

(or, Donghyuck is Mark’s plus one to his sister’s wedding, and it all seems to be going as planned until it doesn't.)

(tags: pining & yearning)

reciprocity by markohmark (predebut) (4/4 | 32,000 | T)

"What changed?" Donghyuck asks softly. His thumb rubs the back of Mark's hand gently.

Donghyuck's close. Too close. The washing machine stops, indicating the end of the wash cycle. The two of them are surrounded by an eerie silence. It rings in Mark's ears.

"I grew up," Mark replies. He holds Donghyuck's gaze, watching as Donghyuck leans in. His heart rattles in his chest; he's past the speed of hummingbirds now. His hyperactive, buzzing, washing-machine heart.

(tags: pining)

Of All The Bad Ideas by slimequeen (1/1 | 10,334 | T)

Donghyuck has been pining after Mark Lee since the first year of high school, and now they’re four years deep and Donghyuck’s feelings are still hurtling towards imminent heartbreak. He's always been an impulsive decision maker, but he should have thought a bit harder on this one.

(tags: pining)

Sunsoaked by spicyboyfriend (1/1 | 44,540 | T)

Delicate. The word that Mark was looking for, to describe Donghyuck’s expression. It was delicate.

And it was all he had been able to think about.

He was all Mark had been able to think about.

(tags: pining + crushes)

foolish choreography (all the steps of love) by typography (1/1 | 18,758 | T)

The Dispatch pictures had hit the internet on an unremarkable Wednesday, but Donghyuck lost his mind on an equally unremarkable Sunday morning.

or: Mark’s secret relationship gets revealed in Dispatch’s latest post. Donghyuck hates it more than he expected.

(tags: pining)

Pluto by rainingover (1/1 | 10,065 | T)

Donghyuck pushes the CD he's picked into the slot just under the radio dials and turns the volume up. “I made this mix last summer,” he says. “Burnt it onto two CDs. Do you remember? I gave one to you.”

“I remember,” Mark says. His copy is protected, neatly, in a case under his bed. “Why is one of them here? Is it yours?”

Donghyuck nods. “Special edition, one of only two ever made.”

(tags: pining + best friends)

(bonus: there are quite a few fics in supersoulmates' bookmarks)

i hope you found at least one fic to your liking in this list!

also if anyone else has a rec, feel free to leave a link in the comments or to reblog with a link or whatever <3

[satorhime]

hiii!!! i’m new to tumblr and i want to start writing fics of my own, do you have any tips that you don’t mind sharing ? i love ur work btw <333

hi !! welcome >< i’m half asleep right now and i may have to reblog this later but this is advice i honestly follow myself & it may not work for you but i’ll try anw !!

the most important thing is writing for yourself. if you write with the mindset to make others happy by only writing popular trends or things that’ll get you a quick 1k, you’ll ruin the experience for yourself. this isn’t to be confused with wanting recognition and circulation for your work, but rather enjoying your own writing and writing what you want to write.

don’t be afraid to switch fonts, sites you write on, documents, etc. sometimes i start a fic on google docs and end up finishing it in tumblr drafts because that’s the only way i’ll get it done.

if you’re stuck on certain parts of fics or you have writer’s block, step away from the wip for a while and try to approach it with a new mind. sleep on it !!! and if you’re still stuck, maybe your block is around to stay for a while and that’s okay. don’t force it. take a break and read some fics, see how other people write similar content, etc.

your outline doesn’t have to be perfect. it’s the first draft. it can look like whatever. most of my outlines are literally just “he said, she nodded, enter more poetic words here.” also, make as many drafts as you need. sometimes when i start a new draft, it’s refreshing and i look at my fic with fresh eyes.

try your hardest not to compare yourself with other writers. your writing doesn’t suck and no one is better than anyone. it’s fanfiction and it can be anything you want.

create your own writing speed! some writers write fast, and some (like me) are slow. fandom has changed a lot over the years and a lot of people think that fanfiction is supposed to be shucked out almost everyday. this is not true. back in my day we used to wait a whole year for a new chapter to be released. fanfiction is a treat, not a necessity. if anyone tries to rush you, tell them they can live without it lmao.

set boundaries on your blog and don’t be afraid to enforce them.

as for traction, this is a hit or miss for everyone. whether we like it or not, we are content creators and want recognition for our hard work. my only advice is to not rely too much on tags, and open taglists. don’t tag blank blogs as they 100% won’t reblog your work. give little sneak peeks, build excitement for your fics like a whole album release SJSJSKSK

for aesthetics, formatting, and such: make sure your work is neat, and easy to read. hit enter every now and then so your paragraphs aren’t too long (i can show you my favorite format if you want, just ask!) avoid using small font throughout the entire fic so it’s easily accessible to people with vision problems (like me), and make sure to include important content warnings at the beginning.

if you’re writing for a certain type of reader, make sure to include that too. if it’s not poc friendly (includes fair-skinned indicators such as blushing, redness, red bruises, pink coochies, etc.), tag it in the cw. don’t use afab!reader and fem!bodied reader tags if your reader is coded as cis. people have said this is incorrect and you’ll want to avoid that. female/fem!reader will do.

i won’t give advice on how to write your fics as i fully believe everyone writes different, but the best advice i can give is that avoid repetition and play around with words. google pretty ways to say different shit. (you know the whole instead of “‘good morning,’ she said, entering the coffee shop.” try “‘good morning,’ she greeted as she stepped inside the coffee shop, joining the queue with the other exhausted 6:00am commuters.” OR SMTH IDK I CANT ACTUALLY WRITE DKDKDK

there are lots of writers who will beta for you if you’re familiar with them and you ask nicely/be mindful of their busy schedules!

i’ve run out of things to say but i hope these help and that you enjoy writing. it can be really fun, but also super stressful at times. just take your time and go with the flow. good luck babie !!!!!

[neon-junkie]

hiii i love ur work so much!! so, i was wondering if you could do morning sex hc’s for adult jack marston? i’ve seen your past works on him and i’ve reeeeeally liked them! tysm and ily! <3

thank you so much!! and owhhh jack, we need more love for our poor boy!! here are those headcanons, gender neutral reader!<3

Jack is a big cuddler, and his favourite position is spooning.

Of course, he loves having you in his arms, felling you stir against his chest as the sun begins to rise. But one of his main reasons for enjoying spooning so much is because as you wake, you can feel his cock pressed against your ass.

He'll stir you awake with gentle touches, and soft kisses along your neck and shoulder, all whilst lightly grinding against your ass.

As you wake, Jack will mutter his usual "good morning," greeting, followed up with asking how you slept.

When you're ready, all you need to do is rut your ass against him. Jack lets out the same heavy sigh every single time, gripping your hip so he can rut you against his length even harder.

He'll help you slip off your underwear, if you even had any on to begin with, and continues peppering you in kisses as he slowly works you open with his fingers.

Jack's hair will often brush over your face, despite it being tucked behind his ears, or placed in a low ponytail.

He's oh-so-gentle, treating you like fine China, especially when he's tired. Jack has his wild side, but it doesn't come out as the sun is rising; he wants to make love, and that's exactly what he's going to do.

Let him know when you're ready, and he'll replace his fingers with his cock, burying his head into the curve of your neck as he lets out a groan and enters you.

Jack's thrusts are long and slow, taking his time to explore you. He wants to see how long he can drag this out for, and how long it takes until you're begging him to go faster.

Jack can never deny you. He'll do exactly as you ask, picking up the pace when you request it, all whilst kissing and nipping at your neck, planting new hickeys next to the ones that have almost faded.

Honestly, Jack won't be able to last long, how can he when he's making love to his soulmate? But he always waits for you to finish first, helping you along the way, and praising you with kisses and soft words as you ride your high.

Once Jack has finished, he returns to cuddling you, swiftly turning playful as he searches with his kisses for those soft spots that always make you giggle.

Queue Rufus the second jumping up onto the bed and demanding attention!!

[blackacre13]

Hiii! Just wanted to say thank you for all the stories you've written, itsss soo good! I LOVE them soo much! I always check your acc first thing in the morning coz I look forward to it everyday lol. Anyway, I hope you continue to write especially Loubbie ones❤️ and goodluck with the prompts queue. Some of them are from meee🤭

x.

Hi there! You are so welcome and thank you so much for the sweet compliment! I am definitely honored to be a part of your day.

And thank you so much! Enjoy your day!

[gangrenados]

You're jealous?

I suck with titles, someone please help 🤦🏽‍♀️

hiii, can I request an imagine were Dick and reader are in a relationship and he’s jealous and doesn’t wanna talk to her and she keeps asking him wats wrong, kinda suggestive if you feel comfortable (sorry for my english) in the Netflix show world please, love your writing

This have been on the queue for ages!! Sorry for the wait, hope you like it @wintercapilson 💕

Note: Okay so I made Hank a little bit ooc to made him annoy Dick so yeah that

Warning: light smut 🤙🏽

There was no doubt that the tension filled the room and it was making you annoyed. Far as you knew, Dick just wanted to start the day early and finish some undone paper work that has been accumulating, he wasn't fond of the idea, but your promise of keeping him company cheered him up a little bit.

"You're so clingy!" You teased him as you looked around the fridge for some food. " I can't believe it sometimes, you act so tough and bossy around others, but you're just a clingy boy..."

You smiled when you felt Dick's arms wrapping themselves in your waist, he rested his head in your shoulder and gave you a wet kiss on the cheek.

"Ew! You're gross, boy wonder." You cleaned your cheek with the back of your hand, Dick laughs just made you punching him jokingly in his bicep.

"I like that nickname..." he chuckled, leaning in the counter as he took his cup of coffee.

"Morning everyone" that husky voice was the one who changed the light atmosphere of the morning. Hank was half asleep, his bed hair proved that.

He walked up to you and grabbed a cup from the upper cabinet, as he took one of the cups he looked at you from an instant." You look good today, (y/n)" he blurted out casually, totally oblivious to his Dick's sly gaze.

"Thank you Hank, that's so nice of you!" You shrugged off his compliment, offering him a smile while Dick was frowning.

This scene was stupid and he just didn't liked it. Was he exaggerating? Maybe, but living this kind of thing every day was starting to get on his nerves. You see, you both had this type of relationship were you flirted with each other shamelessly.

It started with small touches, then it become compliments and then suggestive jokes. It didn't matter to him if Hank was just trying to be funny or if you really didn't pay attention to it, he was about to throw hands with the king of comedy if he didn't stop.

Dick watched carefully the way Hank looked at you with a stupid grin on his face."You know, " Hank sipped from his cup, gazing at Dick from a brief moment, knowing what he will say would cause him to lose it.

"We would make a great couple; I mean you're a gorgeous girl and I'm pretty handsome, we would be a power couple without doubt." That sentence just made Dick roll his eyes so hard that his eyes almost got stuck in his skull. It was too much, everything about this was making him mad and to make it worse you laugh! What the fuck was that?

He was about to walk up to him, you noticed to quick change on your boyfriend behavior. The way he looked at Hank like he was about to stab him, his stiff posture, too different from what he was like a few minutes ago.

Dick clenched his jaw, about to tell his friend to shut up and stay on his lane, but you were quicker." I'm sorry to tell you, but Dick and I are the ultimate power couple." you put your arm around his waist.

But not even that got him to calm down his nerves; Dick needed to step aside and cool down. This fiasco was causing him a headache. So he leaned into you and whispered in your ear he was going to finish the paperwork in your shared bedroom and with that he left.

•

Dick didn't liked to label himself as the "jealous type", it wasn't like he didn't let you have guy friends or be nice to other men, no. But that scene was too much and even after a couple of hours spent working on pile of files of resolved cases Dick could still feel the little rage that bubble inside of him.

He rubbed his tired eyes, maybe it was time to take a rest and set his mind on another thing.

He turned around at the sound of the door opening." You good, Dick?" He sighed, looking away as you entered the room with a concerned expression.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He spoke nonchalantly. You bited your lips for a few seconds, doubting if it was a good moment to confront him.

"Really? Cuz it didn't seem like that when we were in the kitchen..." you bought up the theme cautiously making Dick huff.

He sat on the and passed a band through his hair, already annoyed by this. "Well, maybe it's because Hank was flirting with you."

"We're just friends, Dick. It's no a big deal-"

"Don't come up with that." He interrupted you." I'm not comfortable seeing Hank touching you and talking to you like he was your boyfriend, okay? I don't like. And I'm totally fine if you two are friends, but that kind of shit just get on my nerves."

"So you're jealous?" You walked up to him, Dick gaze was serious. There were a few things that could trigger this man, but you never really believed that a thing like this could put him in such a bad mood." Hank just does that to mess with you, he told me himself."

Dick didn't even answer, for him that was still awful. "Don't get mad, you know you're the only one for me." He hummed, putting his hands at both side of your hips as you straddle him.

"Dick, you're the guy I really love, alright?" You put your arms around his neck, getting a bit closer." I like you with flaws and all." Dick smiled a little at your confession.

"Yeah?" He asked in a soft tone, breaking down slightly his serious posture. You nodded, before pecking his lips.

"Of course I do!" You said happily.

Dick broke the distance you had with a heated kiss, his grip on your hips got firmer. Maybe it was because the intensity of your make out that caused you to grind on him.

Dick got away from your lips to leave a trail of kisses that went from your neck to your shoulder, sucking and kissing the spot that connected them. "We should fuck." He suggested in a groan." The youngers aren't here so it won't be a problem."

"You want some revenge, don't you?" You giggled; whimpering slightly at the feeling his boner brushing against your pussy." I can't tell you no, babe...."

Tag list: @nervousfandom @la-femme-lupita @c0-77

[pinencurls]

Feels Like Home

Hiii this is another one shot I had in my drafts for awhile, hope u enjoy!! 

A trip to visit Bestfriend!Harry pulls up feelings from the past.

To find places that feel like home when you're so far away from your own is always a blessing. I often find myself cooped up in train carriages for long empty hours travelling up and down the country - sometimes to nearby neighbouring countries too, with only a book and the view for company. Work in the photography and journalism industry can take you pretty much anywhere, photoshoots and research pieces usually mean I have to travel frequently. I've probably spent more weekends in hotels the past few years than I have in my small London flat, its lavender walls presenting more as a storage place these days and occasional safe haven for when I return.

Most of it is manageable - and exciting, really really exciting. A few times a year a piece will land me in the States and away from my bubble of European arts and culture. The company I work for has a New York branch outside of the London one, so in the times that I find myself flying miles away from home, I'm lucky enough to be welcomed by one of my oldest friends' open arms - and his guest room.

Harry works a lot too, splitting time between London and New York, but on this trip - as always, he's sworn an evening out of his day to pick me up from the airport. I don't get to see much of him anymore, we grew up spending every summer in each other's houses, our parents' old friends from university, but he moved away three years before me and never came back, at least not in the same way that allowed youthful abandon to drive us into the woods to build forts and swim in the river, or make us forget how old we were and fall asleep on his mum's old sofa watching questionable rom coms. I'd happily slip back into our shared holiday practises - every time I visit him there's a shadow of nostalgia when he brings two teas and a joint out to the living room, the same smirk clear on his now slightly unshaven face.

I try to focus on that moment, only a few hours away now. We'll spend tonight and tomorrow together before he can't miss any more studio sessions and I have to report to the office and start my week of work - an article on the rise of youth activists in underprivileged areas of the city. It's a heavy topic but something I've been interested in for a while - I love the music and cultural subjects I've written on before but I've wanted to branch out into a more political field for awhile now. Sandy, my editor, assigned me this a few days ago, a smirk on her face when she nonchalantly delivered it to my desk Monday morning.

. ... . .

My arms are folded up against my chest at an unnatural angle - I've spent the last hour like this in an attempt not to elbow the snoring banker to my left who is, undoubtedly, taking up more than his fair share of the three-seat row. I can't see much good coming from waking him to point this fact out so I stay settled in my awkward position. An eight-hour flight in the middle seat was never going to be comfortable anyway.

My morning had been typically rushed, I missed breakfast in favour of catching my flight before it left without me and found myself bustling through the crowds of families, business people and tourists that fill the airport as soon as I leapt out of the taxi. I didn't have to check any luggage in so sped through security straight to the gate being called overhead. I swear I've got to stop booking early flights if I'm never going to wake up in time to get a croissant from Pret en route.

I turn my focus to the phone in my hands and slip my headphones over my ears. There's only an hour left until we land, seeing no point in starting an inflight movie now, I open my "calm times" playlist and close my eyes. Soon I'll be sleeping on an unnecessarily expensive mattress bigger than this whole row.

. ... . .

"Excuse me, M'am?" The chipper voice of a flight attendant wakes me up, slightly muffled under the Adrienne Lenker song that continues to play through my headphones. The seat to my right, previously filled by a woman a few years older than me, is empty. On my other side, the suit-wearing man spreader is starting to stir. "We'll be landing shortly, please secure your seatbelts and pack away any loose items."

I stumble over a quick 'Thanks' as she leans out of our row and moves on to the next, her perfect customer service smile ready again. The missing woman makes her way down the aisle towards us and takes her seat, she seems hurried and agitated. Out the corner of my eye, I watch as she wrings her hands a few times, sighing heavily and leaning back in her seat. A nervous flyer. I lean over and pull my bag up from the small slot under the seat ahead and slide the book I'd taken out hours before, not having read a page of, back on top of my sweater and the wine gums I'd bought as a makeshift breakfast in my final flurry before boarding.

Overhead, the usual pre-landing announcements chime as people clip in their seatbelts and slip superstitious remedies between their lips. Suited man spreader has chosen a particularly eye-watering peppermint gum to finish our flight off with.

Closing my eyes I focus on the quiet music, too distant to take me out of my body as it's interrupted by the chatter of excited travellers and constant beeps around me. I don't hate flying, but I have developed a favoured fondness of trains. I've seen the ins and out of so many towns and mindlessly people watched for hours, always having the option to hop off at the next station and stretch my legs if any part of the journey is particularly unbearable or a city is too enticing to leave unexplored.

I fiddle with the two buttons along the side of my phone for a second, raising the volume a little and willing my thoughts away from the swooping plane as the familiar wary feeling settles in the pit of my stomach. Maybe I'm a nervous flyer too. But, with a clunk and a slight wobble, we're back on the ground. I keep my eyes shut a little longer, knowing the gridlock of impatient passengers to come is unavoidable. The orange light above me dims and I release the seat belt that had been cutting tightly into my shoulder. The woman beside me is noticeably calmer and we share a giddy - we're strangers but we're smiling at each other - look for a second.

I call Harry when I'm through baggage claim, having packed only a rucksack and a small duffel - both fitting as hand luggage, I head straight through customs where the queues are just starting to build up. I beeline to a near-empty desk on the far right as the dial tone rings against my ear for the third time-

"Hello!" Harry greets down the phone, his voice sounds far away, most likely using the speakers in his car whilst he parks - "M' just parking, love."

"I just got to customs, I'll be ten minutes - meet you outside yeah?"

"I was gonna come in, I'll only be a second." He always pushes to meet me before I make it out the airport, obsessed over the classic reunion scene from all his favourite rom coms. It was well-intended and actually really sweet but it wasn't worth the risk of new rumours being spread across the gossip sites if photos got out of Harry Styles meeting a 'mystery girl' at the airport, as I'd previously been labelled the few times shots of us out dancing in the city or talking over lunch in L.A had gotten out. Harry's protective over his private life and I prefer to keep out of his public one.

"I'm almost through customs...I'll literally be one minute Harry, just wait in the car - wait a sec..." I hold the phone up against my shoulder when I'm beckoned towards the free customs desk, smiling politely and sliding my passport towards the teller. I reply 'work' to her question and thank her when she pushes it back to me, freshly stamped with red ink. "-Okay I'm out, are you by the taxi bit again - you know you're not actually allowed to park there?"

"Actually I'm just...oh god you really are blind aren't you?" He laughs down the line, I look up, confused and only halfway across the long white room towards the exit. Even amongst the crowds, there's an unmistakable figure waving from the benches to the side, phone in hand. "Hey."

I laugh and hang up, slinging my duffel over my shoulder and making my way over to where Harry is now standing, an infamous grin etched across his face. Before I can complain about just how close I am to the car park already, he leans down and engulfs me in a hug.

"Been a while, hmm?" Out of instinct, my arms wrap around him and hold tight. He's right, it's been almost five months since we last saw each other in person. I was away the last few times he came home to London and he's always jetted back to L.A for important meetings by the time I'm on my way back. "Missed you, lovie."

Pulling away to get a better look at him, I rest my hands on his shoulders, his hair's a little longer, and he looks tired but cheery - as usual.

"I missed you too." There's that weird hesitant few second feeling when neither of us breaks eye contact and for a moment it suddenly feels surreal to have each other as real people you can touch and hold.

"Now help me with this bag - the flight fucking murdered my back."

He misses a beat and my duffel hits his leg abruptly, he grunts and grumbles for a second before picking it up and draping his free hand over my shoulder, turning us to face the exit. I forget for a moment that the group of very unsubtle girls on the other side of the room will fuel the newest dating rumour by the morning with photos of Harry pulling my against his side and holding my hand casually - like every few days out of the year we get to spend in each other company, it feels like we're fifteen again and blur into the background, too caught up in our own conversations to notice anybody else.

"Come on - I reckon someone's already pissed that I'm parked in the taxi rank."

... . .

It's late in my jetlagged brain, but not late enough in the city to miss the last bit of rush hour traffic. Harry taps his ringed fingers against the steering wheel to the beat of Peter Gabriels 'Sledgehammer.' I've pulled my knees up to my chest and slouched against the passenger door staring up at the busy lights and cloudy sky. My eyelids dip momentarily, the blurred scenery lulling me out of focus.

"Don't fall asleep on me, I've got a nice dinner planned yet." Harry protests, squeezing my hand in his, eyes on the road as he lifts and moves our now intertwined hands in the air, swaying along to the final chorus playing through his iPhone."C'mon, a little bit of Peter Gabriel should wake you up."

"I hate Peter Gabriel," I mumble and pull my hand from his, poking his cheek when he lets out an exaggerated gasp. I can't help but laugh at his appalled expression, too distracted to object when he pulls my hand back into his and continues his fun as the speakers click and a new song comes on.

Our faces glow yellow against the street lights. My legs ache and my head feels heavy - I tilt it back against the window and watch as Harry sings along to an old Scott Mckenzie song. He's let our hands fall against my seat now, focusing on the busy roads as he turns closer to his apartment. I notice now, for the first time, his subtle disguise; the grey hoodie and dark shades pushed back in his hair. He looks...soft. He laughs when he slips off-key and shoots me a glance, smiling again when he takes in my half-asleep state. He squeezes my hand, his rings are cold and clunky and wake me up a little. I peer out at the road ahead - Harry lives fairly near the airport so we must be getting close, the cafes start to look familiar and I figure we're only a few minutes from home, and sleep.

I wake again at the jolt of the car stopping and the consistent white noise of the engine cutting off when Harry's keys clatter against each other. His door opens and shuts - I think I'm awake?

I must have shifted slightly in my sleep because when the passenger door swings open I stay upright against the seat. I look up to see Harry's hand stretched out towards me.

"C'mon, missing my luxury homemade dinner s'gonna be a lot more comfortable in a real bed" He teases, his smile yet to leave since I first saw him twenty minutes ago sat on that bench - sticking out despite his 'disguise'

I take his hand and tumble slightly haphazardly to stand, looking up briefly to see Harry with both my bags over one shoulder, lifting his free arm to wrap around me. We start towards his building, moving easily through the lobby and into the elevator. I look up again from where my head's resting on his shoulder, surrounded by his hoodie. Yeah, he looks...soft.

When we get inside I head straight to the guest room, nudged forwards by Harry's instructions for me to get some rest before he starts dinner - I've stayed in Harry's apartment enough times to know my way around fairly well, the guest room, where I always stay, is down the hall on the left. The bed is made and there's a fluffy white robe folded on the nightstand. Already head to toe in comfy travel wear, I clamber under the duvet and breathe in the freshly washed sheets - washing detergent with a hint of Harry's vanilla aftershave. My eyes are heavy and my thoughts wander a little. It feels like home.

... . .

When I open my eyes, it's to a darker room. Harry must have come in and closed the curtains while I was asleep, my bags have been leant up against the dresser too. I sit up and look around the room, rubbing my knuckles against my eyelids, still groggy from sleep, but hungry now, the lack of a real breakfast and unsatisfying plane food catching up to me. The alarm on the bedside table reads nine pm, I'd been asleep for almost an hour - I change out of my well-worn flight clothes and into a sweater and soft grey jogging bottoms Harry had left at my London flat last time he stayed over, although it'd been long enough ago they might as well be mine by now.

The kitchen sounds get louder as I make my way out of the guest room and down the hall, yawning into the crook of my elbow amidst pulling a soft yellow scrunchie off my wrist and taming my hair into a lazy, loose ponytail. Harry's occasional grumbles and soft singing fill my ears when I reach the end of the hall and get the full sight of him, in just a t-shirt and jeans now, leaning over a pan of spaghetti trying to twist a strand onto the fork in his hand before dangling in into his mouth with a light hum.

"How's it going, chef?" He turns to see me, eyes wide as he fingers the end of the pasta into his mouth and smirks down at me.

"S'good, was just about to come get you," He turns momentarily to fiddle with what looks like courgette and red pepper frying in a pan behind the spaghetti before looking back at me and motioning for me to bring him the plates he'd left stacked on the counter.

He mixes the courgette, pepper and a fresh-looking tomato sauce into the main pot and stirs it all together before filling my plate up and handing it back to me - all while looking incredibly pleased with himself. He nods over to the table and I set my plate down, taking two wine glasses from beside him and filling them with the wine he's just opened. After double-checking the stove's been turned off safely and our glasses are full, Harry takes the seat in front of me.

"So-" He starts, smiling up at me over the gorgeous dinner set in front of us. "How're you?"

A burst of laughter escapes my lips at the situation, We hadn't been in the same room for months and within the first hour of reuniting I'd fallen asleep, now we were sat down to dinner, ready to discuss our day like old times.

"I'm good, sorry I fell asleep before we could talk," He chuckles before taking a sip of wine, we hear about each other's lives at least once a week - usually phone calls when our jet lag causes our time zones to match up, and always texts throughout the week - this kind of small talk seems silly when I'd spoken to him just this morning before my flight. "How's your mum and Gem?"

"They're well, haven't seen Mum in a little while, every time I call she always seems more interested in you," He replies between bites of spaghetti, "Apparently you're quite the enigma these days."

"Wha-How!" Anne was like a sister to my mum so our families were always close growing up, she often acted just as motherly to me and my sister as she did her own children.

"You don't call anymore." Harry smirks, recalling a frequently used quote from Anne herself.

"That's such I lie - I saw her a few weeks ago when she came down to see Gem and I always call, it's hard you know, I have my own parents to keep track of too."

Harry laughs at this, pleased to have his mothers attention shifted from his own absence for once.

"I'm not sure, apparently she's been gossiping with your mum and you're never home anymore." He must not notice the irony of his words because he's hosting the smuggest expression, staring back at me over his glass.

"Hey - you disappeared first, I'm allowed to have my turn." I fire back, shaking my head jokily.

Harry doesn't seem to catch my light tone though, or he's not keen on my choice of words. He turns rigid opposite me and stares back, agitation brimming in his gaze.

"What's that mean?" He's not bubbly and blushing anymore, sober now with a steady assertive tone as he questions me.

"Come on Harry, m' just joking, relax," He doesn't. "You moved away years before me and never came back, it's not exactly a secret, I didn't mean anything by it."

His fork clatters when it lands on his plate. He puffs out a heavy breath of air before speaking up again, making no effort to hide is disdain this time.

"Fuck off, I came back." I look up to watch him, he hardly curses outside of mild frustration or a lighthearted voice, this is different. "That's not fair and you know it."

"I'm not blaming you Harry I was just making a joke - forget it." The remaining food on my plate is an unsuccessful distraction, nothing's enough to stop Harry when he starts.

"No, you always do this. I didn't disappear, I was working for five years and then I continued to work after that, I came home as much as I could so don't pretend I was all aloof or something." I'm used to holding his gaze through an argument, and this is an argument we've had before - "It was my job to travel for months at a time, you can't blame me for not being around every time we see each other like I just ran off and never called."

"So it's not work for me then?" I shoot back, instantly angry that he finds it so easy to offload all the blame onto me when he's the one who made a meaningless comment into a fight in the first place. "And it fucking felt like that."

Harry's quiet. I finish the last of my wine and pour a second glass.

"I came back."

"Not properly." I put my glass down and massage my fingertips over my temple, this isn't the time to unpack childhood grudges. "I'm only here for a week, can we not fight...please?"

Neither of us speaks for a few moments, my words linger in the air. We never have much longer than a few weeks together before one of us is off again, there's never going to be time to confront that stuff. The transition between only having Harry a few hours away, treating his home like mine on the weekends me and my sister, Ellie, would visit him and Gem and moaning our way through hellish GCSEs together (he was a year ahead so always had a little more to complain about) to him travelling the world and everyone knowing his name was almost nonexistent. It all happened so abruptly, Harry went to London for a few days to film his follow up audition and never came back. I didn't see him until the Christmas of that year, by which time he'd already moved into a place in London and experienced so much that it was hard to act like anything would ever be the same again.

"What did I do wrong, just tell me and I'll fix it, please," Harry begs, earnest as he finally speaks up.

"I don't blame you for anything Harry, I didn't mean it like that..."I sigh, wringing my hands out as nervously as the women beside me hours before on the plane. "Let's just have dinner, yeah? It's really nice Har."

We finish our food with a little more small talk, he asks how Ellie's doing even though he already knows from Gemma's updates that's he engaged now and thinking about moving to London, I ask after a few of his bandmates I met last time I was in L.A. Things are too quiet when we lay down on his sofa to watch the notebook for the 20th time. Neither of us recites the lines we know off by heart and always mock - the air hangs heavy with the lingering anxiety of an argument we're never going to settle, we sit apart stiffly and far too composed for film nights we've shared since we were kids before heading our separate ways to bed.

... . .

Work goes well, the young people I talk to pretty much write the article for me with how much insight they offer up. There are so many parts to the topic that deserve to be covered well that my workdays and evenings at Harry's blur together and soon I've emailing my final draft to Sandy for notes and packing for the airport.

Neither Harry or I have brought the first nights argument up and it looks like it'll be brushed under the rug before I leave tonight. There's been a definite cloud over the last week - I think a more before I speak and Harry's eyes linger on me a little longer when I do.

He stills seems frustrated by our fight, I can't blame him, I am too. He's sat on the sofa with a guitar in his lap, going unplayed as his eyes trail after my last-minute rush around the apartment to gather together all my possessions that had found themselves seeping out into his home over the past week. He watches closely, contemplating whether to speak or just let me go like nothing happened.

"Have you seen my sweater?" I call from the guest room, the wardrobe's empty and my bags are laying on the coffee table in front of Harry - my sweater missing from both.

"The one you brought with you?"

He appears in the doorway, leaning against the frame of the door and peering down at where I'm kneeling before the bed, searching through the very empty and sweaterless dresser, humming a response back at him.

"Yeah, that'd be mine." I snap my head back to look at him, he must be joking.

"Um no, it's mine," He smirks, eyes still sad but fainter now in the looseness of the moment. "I've had it for years, I bought it in Amsterdam in that little thrift store by the cafe with the really good bagels."

"No," He chastises. "I bought it in Amsterdam in that little thrift shop by the cafe with the really good bagels, and you took it home when you left."

He's definitely wrong. Sure I might not remember all of the trip I took to Amsterdam to visit him on tour, but I remember the hours we spent traipsing through thrift store on his day off munching on really good bagels.

"Wrong - please return it now, kindly." I stand and hold out my palm to him.

"No can do," He grins, nudges my hand away from him to fall limply by my side.

"Harry, come on!" I whine, letting my maturity slip slightly as my patience lessens. "I'm already running late, I've gotta finish packing and I can't miss my flight."

"Why not?" He challenges, smiling still but paired with a serious tone now.

"Because, I'm not about to swim back to London."

"No, why can't you stay?" My hand wavers slightly at my side, I'm not sure if he's joking or I can hear sincerity in his voice - it reminds me too much of his solemn begging from Saturday night. "Just stay, a little longer."

He's asked me to before in the past. He isn't afraid to try and steal another day off of me to tag along to an artist friend of his' show the next night or just to get dinner at a restaurant I 'couldn't miss'. On occasion, I've given in to his pestering and rearranged a flight for a few days later. I could, I could. I'd just handed in my work for the week and it was only Friday morning, I won't be needed again until Monday. Flight's would be ridiculously expensive to change this late though, and this 'stay a little longer' felt less for the sake of good food and his favourite spin class and more of a, we need to talk - 'stay a little longer.'

"I can't," I reply simply, closing off the conversation by brushing past him into the hall towards his own room in search of my stolen sweater.

"I'll pay for your flight back." Harrys voice trails after me. "You've worked hard all week, you can afford to take the weekend off."

"I cant." I brush off again, avoiding his gaze as I scan over the room in front of me, heading to his tall chest of draws first and pulling open the one I know is filled with jumpers.

"I want to talk," Harry says softly. He lifts one arm from where he has them crossed over his chest and motions to the chair in the far corner, I investigate and sure enough, my sweater is tucked under a small pile of t-shirts. "Love, you can't ignore me."

"M' not, we're talking aren't we?" I'm just hovering in the middle of the room now, sweater in hand but Harry's tall figure blocks my way out adamantly.

"You know what I mean,"

"Harry, I can't-"

"I'm not letting you leave like this again." He takes a few steps across the room as he talks, "You said we couldn't fight cos you're only here a week, so stay a little longer."

"I don't want to fight." I shake my head, pulling my hand away when he reaches out for it.

"Then we'll just talk."

He's got that determined, soulful look about him. He reaches for my hand again and I let him, he brushes his fingertips over my knuckles lightly. His other hand comes up to my face and guides my head to look at him, still peering down at me expectantly.

Harry and I have always been open with one another. There was never enough time to tiptoe around what was bothering us when he was only home for a few weeks before work or another tour called again. Our parents always joke that we were twins separated at birth, the way we used to huddle in the garden as little kids and whisper to each other. He's my best friend, no matter how far apart we are he never hesitates to talk through his troubles with me, sure there are times we drift with our schedules, but there's too much pulling us back together for it to last long.

"I can't," It's a whisper, but he's close enough to hear it. I pull my hand from his and turn my head to the side. Inhaling, it's far too shakey to hide my nerves and before I can control it there are tears stinging my eyes.

"Love-" Harry coos, fighting my own hand to clear the tears from my cheeks.

"-I can't, Harry I," I say again, the lump in my throat making my words sound choked. He's looking down at me with that sad soft expression again and I can't piece together how we got here. "I can't."

He pulls me into his chest. His arms rest around my shoulders and he presses his face into my neck. He mumbling something but I can't make it out anymore, everything's warm and teary and slightly distorted by heavy breaths.

"We've gotta talk....we've gotta talk," He gets louder, "Love?"

I pull back to see his face. There's a red blush over his nose and cheeks and his eyelashes shine where they're wet. I push back, creating some space between us and clearing my throat.

"I didn't mean anything, we don't have to-I shouldn't have said what I did, I'm not angry, and I have no right to be so can we just, can we please just forget it?"

He shakes his head lightly, rubbing his hands against the back of his neck and standing straighter, feeling taller and intimidating.

"It's more than that, you know," He's swallowed the wobble in his voice, continuing to talk clearly now. "It's not about that, we've needed to talk for awhile - I don't want to leave it for weeks and weeks again, I can't keep pretending like nothing's going on."

"I've got a flight to catch Harry I really can't do this." I insist, walking around him and through the clear doorway, although his footsteps chase closely behind.

"Miss the flight!" Harry shouts as we make it to the living room and I start packing away the last few things on the coffee table. "I'll get you a ticket for Sunday night, just stay."

My throat burns when I push down another round of tears and furiously shove books down the side of my bag. Harry hovers to my side, fiddling with his rings and bouncing his knee back and forth.

"I love you."

I have a flight to catch. I have a flight to catch.

"Don't say it like that- I love you, of course, I love you too" I sigh, slowing down and turning to face him. "...my car's going to be here in fifteen minutes."

"No, I love you."

I have a flight to catch. I have a flight to catch.

"I have a flight to catch."

... . .

I feel shittier on the plane. I've got the window seat this time though so at least I can mope in peace. Not much more had been said after that, my car came, I thanked Harry for having me and our hug lasted longer than usual, again.

Maybe I should have stayed. Maybe I should have talked about the feelings that he'd noticed too before I left, or better yet, the first night I arrived. I'd spent hours stuck in an unproductive thought spiral on the subject over the years, we've had moments in the past, Christmas eves when we're the last ones up and the space between us dwindles down the further we get in our confessions or catching each other in a particularly domestic act in one our homes when it feels like it all just comes naturally and why isn't it like this with any of the guys I've dated?

It doesn't go unnoticed by us that we acted like a couple more often than we did close friends. Gemma and Ellie have confronted me, and most likely Harry too, together and separately for answers on several occasions. I always say the same thing - "We're just friends, we've always been close."

This time's different though. Harry's never brought the subject up outside of the jokes comparing us to his friends in relationships, he's always been in relationships and there's no chance of me broaching the issue of any potential romantic feelings I may or may not have for him while he's seeing somebody, even when he wasn't, it's not worth the risk of it all blowing up in my face and having to spend infinite Christmases in awkward humiliation.

I'd played with the idea of us as a couple, allowed myself to daydream about what it could be like for a few moments before reminding myself how low the possibility of Harry ever feeling the same is. Even if he did, the long-distance friendship we have now would never survive as a relationship - you can't go months without the person you're trying to build a life with.

But, maybe I should have stayed.

Maybe, when he told me he loved me, I should have been braver. In the one moment, it all finally felt clear and possible, and like I wasn't completely delusional and hopeless, I should have told him I love him too.

Either way, I have eight long, back aching hours ahead of me to decide.

[bandznerd]

Sleeping With Sirens's first time in Praguee

Ok so if anyone is interested here's my feelings about my first SWS and SWS's first concert in Prague, CZ. First of all I would like to say that I was really looking forward to the show, but at the same time I really couldn't believe I am really gonna see my most favorite band everrr. So anyway thanks to that I met awesome girl (and a new friend actually) from Slovakia (if you are reading it, hiii!😁) so the waiting was way better, but it was SO SO SO cold! My ass was freezing! I also expected a lot of guys there because we came about 2 hours before the beginning and still catched the good spot, actually. But the waiting was really horrible, so long. But! Then happend something (still don't don't what) and everybody just pushed each other, wanted so badly to go through and be in the front so it was kinda funny, mainly the other people's faces like "OMG what are all the kids doing here/ Ong they have another band here/ are they okey?" - I guess we were like the oldest there :D - and once we were right in front of the entrance GUESS WHO JUST CAME - JACK FUCKING FOWLER!😊 I guess me and my two friends was like the only one who noticed because nobody reacted to him and now I kinda feel sad/sorry that I didn't say at least hi, of I saw him seconds earlier I would probably did. Nevermind. Than we finally got to trough the entrance and literally flew to the cabins put our jackets and other things away and then we run to the stage. We were like in the 3rd row in the middle so it was freaking awesome!

Then I just wondered how did two girls who were for the whole waiting time behind us and now they were in the first row... Second nevermind.

The first band was czech-slovakian band (so homies) and THEY WERE FUCKING FUCKING AMAZING! At the end we wanted soooo so badly the encore and I wish you could see their surprised looks, they thanked a lot and it was really awesome 🕊️ (so now we are in the Pidegon army!) And then they went away and came the technics and then they showed Gossip album picture and the crowd went literally crazy just from that pic, haha. And THEEEEN. THE. KINGS CAME! I was standing there, yelling, couldn't believe I was really seeing them for real and it was also awesome. And I was also half deef, so wasn't even hearing my own voice, lol. Like during the third song i had completely dry in my mouth and it was kinda hard to sing but... I got trough it lollol😂 and like it was going to an end and there was like still 2-3 song before an end and they just "thank you, this is our last song" and they really did went away. But after four LOUDLY screaming for more songs they came like nothing happened 😂 and! They played acoustic Roger Rabbit and it WAS SO FUCKING FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!!! Then Kellin was talking about how loud we sang and that he liked it and all other shits, and then something about his voice - don't remember exactly what - BECAUSE MY DAMNED PC HAD TO BROKE DOWN! - and Nick told him that he sounded sexy, it was so sweet.

And at the end - classic Kick me. I guess we all screamed as loud as we only could, because this song is legendary and so true. And they throwers their guitar picks and Gabe drum sticks and asshole shooke hands with some of the girls by the one side.

I also tried - unsuccessfully - touch Kellin - but it was so crowded in front of him lol. Who would say that hm?

They did a quickly goodbye (in contrast to the first band very quick) so we were all like It's really over, huh?

Except the fucking mosh pit - it was fucking fucking terrbile, we even stoped saying sorry to each other because it was kind of worthless when the other assholes keep hitting you ans almost bringing you down to your knees. I was really waiting to the moment when I fell down to the floor 😂 - so next time probably not going to the middle.

I wanted to buy something in the merch because the girls said it was really cheap but when I saw the queue and if I didn't had to catched the train I would stay there longer, buy merch and maybe I would be so lucky like others and meet the guys and take photos with them, but i was really pleased I could see them live and next time I try to catch them.

And I am kinda mad, they already planned their 2018 Europe tour and they left out Czech Republic. Ok, they will be having their first show in Slovakia which is like really close but still. They even WILL HAVE MEET AND GREET. LIKE WHAT IS THAT?! we want it here next time too haha!

So that is pretty much it. For the whole night I was checking my photos and videos and looking through Instagram who took photos or videos and almost cry that I saw them for real. The next morning I was like awesomely sleepy all day. But it was definitely worth it.

PS: if you wouldn't mind, check the (our local) band who played like first on this concert - their name is JOHN WOOLFHOOKER, they deserve it, such a lovely guys and personally really cool guys.

So if you read it down here, congrats. And also thanks for reading, appreciate!

Love you guys and thank you for following this blog! ❤️