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werrrrrd · 12 hours ago

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CHARLES XAVIER X OC pt.3

PROLOGUE III

Another three years went by. I was getting angry nearly every day now. Maxine's daughter hadn't been to visitation day in months, the rest of my family were visiting less and less. My 18th birthday came and went and I was not admitted. Nothing happened for my 19th or my 20th. Nothing was happening. By then i had lost hope entirely. I could feel myself slipping. After that day where I had nearly killed the volunteer Shaw took me as his own little project. He kept me all hours of the night at times. I would throw fits and try to lunge at Shaw, I was completely blinded by rage towards him and often tried to use my powers on him, to do something, anything to him. I just wanted him to hurt the way he was making me hurt.

They blamed it on my loss of control on my mutation. I didn't care anymore, I would lash out and only when the thought of tearing him limb from limb flashed across my crazed mind would I snap back into reality. After going at him several times, only ever getting to the point of nosebleeds and short term suffocation, they began putting a shock collar on me any time I was near him, so that they would be able to do any actual harm. Nevertheless my hostility towards the scientists only grew. Which was why my parents visited less. Shaw had notified them of my condition and warned them against seeing me so often. This only made me even more livid.

“You don't look so good.” Ellie said. She was the only one who came to this visitation day. She had turned 18 just a couple months ago. I wished I could have been there. She pointed at the dark circles under my eyes. My hair was down past my shoulder blades now, the ends dead and dry. The whole of it was tangled and ruffled.

“I haven't been sleeping much.” I said. I didn't want to worry her and tell her about the doctors keeping me all night nearly every day now. “Just jitters I guess.”

“May, are you ok?” she asked, taking my hand “you know that you don't have to stay here. I could try and get you out. Mom and Dad wouldn't be happy but they'd get over it.”

“You know better Ellie. They wouldn't let me come home.” Ellie frowned and looked away.

My parents had unofficially given up hope just as much as I had. They hadn't said so but it seemed clear that they didnt think I would be able to get rid of my mutation, especially with the tantrums i had been throwing. The last time they had visited, which was months before, had seemed very much like goodbye.

Somehow things were worse for lou. I could barely recognize her these days. Her eyes were sunken and her long shiny black hair seemed dull and thin. Her stripes stood out even starker against her skin that was going yellow from her poor health. She didn't eat much, didn't speak much. Any time I saw her my gut twisted with worry.

Lou's mother didnt contact her ever again after that day a year ago. She had received notice though that her mother had moved across the country and would not be returning. She kept her head up for a little but could only pretend for so long.

Recently kids had been dying. Mostly from surgeries, sometimes some kid would find an innovative new way to kill themself. Things were most definitely not happy, if they ever were.

The scientist had been testing out different things on the kids, electricity was a trend but there were other things like pouring water up peoples noses while they hung upside down instead of a shock when they used their powers.

Lou came into the room looking much better than she normally did.

“What's going on?” I immediately asked, knowing something was up.

“Doctor Schmidt says he knows how to fix me.” she said, I almost saw her smile. My heart broke. I knew he was lying. He always said this. I used to always believe him but then i learned. Seeing the almost smile on Lou's face I couldn't bear to tell her it wasnt gonna work. A little part of me maybe hoped she was right. That maybe he did know how to fix her this time

“That's amazing” I said and went out to hug her. She was thinner than she used to be, I could feel her shoulder blades poke out as she reached around to hug me back.

The next day at breakfast I waited for Lou but she didn't come. “Doctor Harrison?” I asked one of the scientists in the halls “Where is Lou?"

“Didn't you hear? She's having her corrective surgery today. She's in the surgical room, I believe they start in an hour or so.” she said to me

My heart stopped. Surgeries were a big no. I thought lou knew this. They never work. A kid is lucky if they do mutation corrective surgery and return with a fucked body but with their life intact. I thanked Doctor Harrison before running off to the Medical hall. I peaked in each of the windows, she should have still been in consultation with an hour to go. Once I spotted her, I noticed Shaw in the seat across from her holding out a chart where he pointed at parts of a body chart where I assumed they would be cutting her open. He then pulled up a photograph of a brain and pointed at different sections with his pen. Lou swallowed but nodded at him. After that he pulled out the form. Surprisingly, these surgeries were completely consensual, only kids who were desperate to be rid of their mutation and go home ever consented but that was unfortunately common. Either that or they just didn't care if they lived or not, they thought they'd give it at least one more shot and if they didn't make it then oh well. Apparently Lou was at this point. Shaw handed her the pen he had been using to point at where they would be cutting, so that she could sign the consent form. I leaned on the door and pushed it open with a loud bang.

“Lou!” I yelled at her. She whipped towards me confused. Doctor Shaw stood and came forward to push me out. “Lou don't! You know it wont work! You'll die!” I screamed. Her face crumpled as Shaw yelled at me to leave.

“Lou, just sign the papers,” another doctor said to her. She looked over to him, scared and unsure. I pushed against Shaw and used my powers to push him against the far wall, away from me. Lou took the pen and placed it against the paper. My other hand came up to use my powers on her arm. Shaw was gasping against the wall but I couldn't care less.

Lou looked at me with an angry expression that surprised me. I had never seen Lou angry before. I was the angry one, she was the sad one, the desperate one. Now that was me, and she was angry.

“You promised you would never use your powers on me.” she scowled. My mind flashed to when I first met her, it was brief and didn't seem trivial but I remember clearly. I had promised. “Please lou, I don't want to lose you.”

“ I don't care anymore, May. I'm sorry I just don't care about anything. I need it gone or I need to be gone.” she said. Her voice did not waver like mine did. Tears slipped down my cheeks

“Now let me go,” she said firmly.

Finally, hesitantly I let her go. She took a deep breath before signing the papers. I let Shaw slip down the wall, he gasped for air. Lou stood from her seat and pushed passed me out the door into the hall. My hands dropped and my mind reeled again. Snot and tears slipped down my face and I stood jaw slack.

Before I knew it I was back in bed. Still, tears sliding down my face. I knew the surgery would last over night but I also knew that Lou would not survive. That when she had pushed into the hall was the last time I would ever see her. I cried all night. Thinking about how stupid everything was. Why was I even there? Nothing was even working, I realized that the only reason I hadn't tried to leave was because of lou. With that thought I cried even more until the sun came up and I closed my eyes and let myself slip away.

The next morning they told me Lou hadn't made it. The parts of her brain that Had been cut out had caused her entire system to shut down. I thought of how maybe if I had tried I could have reached out and felt her blood as it stopped. Maybe I could have tried to help her even though I was nowhere near her. I didn't have any water in me left to cry so I only sat in bed and refused to go to my appointments. The day passed in a blink. It felt like it had only been an hour by the time the sun was setting again. I felt sick to my stomach and numb all over. The only thing that kept me sane was the plans I had to leave in the next few days. I would have to figure out a way out but I could do it. Especially now that I knew I could use my powers on two people at once.

The next day Schmidt visited me. On any other day I would have attacked him. I would have been so angry I could have killed him. All that was left inside me was grief.

“I know that you won't be staying here after this.” he said as he sat down on lous bed across from mine. “But I can't just let you go can I.”

This did cause a small spark of anger in me that if anything I was relieved to feel

“I have… a proposition. I'm no longer going to be working on these kids.”

I looked up in confusion. What about the kids who still hoped for a cure. Some kids didn't have a home to go to. Without shaw they would be left on the streets and in danger.

“I want you to come with me.” He said

“What are you talking about? What about all the kids here?” I asked. He moved from off the bed to kneel closer to me. I shrank back from him as he put his hands half way up my thighs

“They don't matter.The truth is may, this experiment wasn't for me to get rid of your powers, it was to find who was the most powerful. You have exceeded expectations in every regard. You could be very useful to me. Why don't you let me put your deformities to use huh? Since you can't get rid of them you could at least be helpful in this way.”

I choked on shock. All of this was for nothing. I had been scammed out of so many years of my life and all I had been given in return was pain and trauma. Lou had died, and for what? They weren't even trying to fix her?

“What?” I spat “Lou, she… she died and why?”

“We were testing something on her, trying to enhance her powers. We wanted to know if we could find the source of her mutation and if we could possibly add more powers to her already existing one. She was promising, her mind was willing for just about anything to make her worth something, she was the most likely to be receptive to the surgery.” He looked down. “It's a shame that it went wrong.”

I wasn't as angry as I would usually be. I wished I was angry instead I was just hurt and defeated. So many people were here in hopes that they would get better, and the whole thing was a big lie. People had died here. My stomach lurched again.

“May, my offer…?

My mind wandered to my family. Although Ellie loved me she could not take on the responsibility of me if I went back to them. I couldn't rob her of a normal life. And what would I do if I couldn't go back to them? Would I live on the streets like the rest of the children here would be forced to do?

“I can't even do that much, I can only hold people for a little bit and after that it hurts too much.” an excuse. I was pulling at straws, trying to convince him not to make me decide

‘It'll go away, and we can train you. I have a hunch that your abilities go beyond what we've been able to explore here. Think of all the good you could do! You don't want to waste your potential do you?”

I thought for a moment. This was all too much. I couldn't think straight. I didn't want to make a mistake that I would regret. Something in my stomach lurched. Looking down at my hands I swallowed and held back my tears. He probably did this on purpose. Do it while my grief is still fresh so that I wouldn't be able to think clearly. Little did he know the freshness of Lou’s death was the one thing keeping me thinking clearly. If he had asked me these things a week ago I would have been so furious that I would have gone into a fit of rage and need to be detained again. But somehow I could see myself going with him. I was so sick of being in this stupid institution that I might have gone with him with the hopes of reversing years of trauma and uncertainty. He could teach me how to use my powers. But then I knew better. Schmitd had been part of the reason Lou was dead now and I wouldn't go with him no matter how desperate I was. I realized that going with Schmidt meant I would be trading one prison for another. Something I don't think I could do again. I had spent more than four years here. From 14 to 18, would it be smart to go for who knows how long with someone who said he'd help me but didn't even know what I was doing this whole time. This whole thing had felt like a hoax and I felt like vomiting when the truth of that statement was suddenly confirmed.

“Well?” Schmidt interrupted my thoughts. His eyes were earnest. He really did want me to come and that made my response all the more satisfying.

“No.”

Schmidt stumbled. His mouth opened and closed once or twice before he took his hand off my leg and stood up. His arms folded and a look came over his face.

“I'm going to ask you to reconsider.”

“No.” I said again “There is absolutely zero chance of me changing my mind.”

He shook his head and looked out the window in the door towards the hall briefly before sighing and saying “ok.”

Ok?? I was confused. I thought he would put up more of a fight than that. I thought he would at least try and convince me even if I said he couldn't. He was smarter than trying to force me to though. He knew I could kill him if I wanted and he wouldn't put it above me. I wouldn't either. There had been many times when I'd thought of killing him. But he just turned and left the room quietly. I sat there for a while, shocked, but grateful. I felt like for the first time I had made a choice for myself and people had actually listened to me. I almost cried. It felt so good. The next day I would leave this all behind me. I would be free to make my own choices. I could use my powers when I wanted. I could try and see what new things I could do without Shaws or anyone's help.

I laid down that night in bed feeling more hope for the future than I ever had. Suddenly my life was about more than my mutation and getting rid of it. It could be about anything I wanted.

I awoke to voices in my room and someone lifting me out of bed. My eyes shot open only to be met by a bright light that disoriented me. I felt the blood of at least 5 different people in the room and I tried to reach for them all to stop moving so that I could make sense of everything but nothing happened since I was so underprepared. The cold hard metal of my shock collar encased my neck. Then I knew what was happening. I screamed and focused on the arms of the people closest to me. They froze but the collar was already clamped shut. I pushed those people back and shot out of bed, eyes crazed and flying wildly at the shadows in my room. Suddenly the shock went off. A shock stronger than I had ever experienced before. My muscles failed and I fell to my knees and seized up my entire body jerking. I couldn't breathe, the immense pain taking my breath away. Sweat formed on my face and trickled down my neck. The shock collar started burning up around my neck and if I had not been completely out of control of my body I would have clawed at it as it seared my skin. Steam rose from my neck as my sweat dripped on the blistering metal. Suddenly the shock stopped and I fell to the ground gasping and eyes rolling.

Schmidt stepped forward. The light shone on him showed the lines on his face and lit up his eyes. He looked like a maniac, with murder in his eyes he crouched down next to me.

“You are coming with me and because of me you will finally be useful to society. Grab her”

The next thing I knew I was being scooped up and supported by both my arms by two figures who I'd never seen before, too weak to fight back or use my powers. My feet dragged behind me as my head lolled and soon I blacked out, unable to stay conscious.

FINALLY WERE DONE WITH PROLOGUE!! IT WAS MORE DETAILED THAN I MEANT FOR IT TO BE BUT OH WELL!! Sorry for literally giving you SO MUCH to read

#charles xavier #charles xavier x reader #james macavoy #james macavoy x reader #x reader

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imthediamondintherough · 10 months ago

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@0lympian-c0uncil

Lore Chthonic Order

Character stuffs!

(Sorry for the ping if it shocked you)

Tartarus relationships

Tartarus has a mostly ok relationship with many other Greek deities... By this I mean most of them fear him or at least have a verifiable wariness of him. (Understandable he is a primordial)

I can't reveal all his relationships but I can tell you the important ones.

As far as things go with his son... Anthony, They are improving. Sometimes they may act like siblings rather than father and son but at least they don't go out of their way to cause problems.

*Zeus, the notepad use it.*

Terrified of Demeter "a little bit". And by default her Daughter.

Respects Hera for tolerating Zeus. Sometimes teams up with Ares to yell at Zeus about his affairs...

Zeus is wisely and uncharacteristically quiet and behaves well for a few decades. Then does his own thing... This cycle repeats.

Everyone will probably hate me for this but Tartarus relationship with Gaea is a bit strained.

Initially Tartarus loved her (and he probably still does) but she more or less had a affinity for Ouranos. Not wrong. earth loved the sky; Tartarus probably thought it was ironic at best (don't hate him. he doesn't know what soap operas are and to be fair at that time they didn't exist..) He respected Gaea's decision and contemplated sending a gift and then sort of moved on.

He tried at least.

Flash forward some years a few of Gaea's children are thrown down. Ok Tartarus really didn't like the new complaining voices but he couldn't be bothered to get rid of them. He let Nyx make some new friends-- anything to get them to stop whining about how things weren't great with Ouranos.

Tartarus didn't give any fucks about what was happening above ground. And for a little while was out of the loop of info so he was understandably confused when gaea (haha former crush) came sobbing to him about how her grandchildren had been disrespectful! killing their own father and whatnot and how she just wanted her family to be happy but they couldn't stay peaceful to save their lives. So she'd start from scratch. But she really wanted his help. Yeah Tartarus actually fell for it and agreed.

It was good. It was fine. at first.

Gaea's last relationship didn't go well so it's understandable she'd keep her new partner at arms length. Tartarus could understand that. Tartarus was extremely patient with Gaea but her behavior drastically altered when she realized her exact position in Tartarus's mind.

If you're confused think Morticia and Gomez from the Addams family. But morticia is more manipulative (in subtle ways)

At some point it occurred to her that Tartarus had assimilated Kronos her son. Well she figured Tartarus couldn't be too bright given his location and his seemingly despondent disposition; this meant he could be fairly simple to seduce. Gaea is almost successful. Yes they have kids together but she didn't get any of the pieces of Kronos from Tartarus. Mostly because Tartarus's apathy interfered and he couldn't be bothered to play search and find

After Typhoon was sired Gaea decided the relationship was over since even she hadn't gotten what she wanted she did still get something to her advantage. Tartarus immediately fell into a depression from heartbreak and didn't recover for a few centuries. Rhea spent a lot of her time trying to get him to snap out of it. That was probably the best since her own children didn't appear to need her...

Although Gaea seperated, (since she felt it was time to explore her existence without a male) she did appreciate and thank Tartarus's kindness. Tartarus being classified as gloomy and depressing lived up to that description by making his apathy more obvious. On occasion more damned souls were carted there for imprisonment and Tartarus could care less.

At some point thirty years prior the start of the story he decided to learn why humans were so interesting to the other deities.

Yeah I know it's not accurate to the myth but I'm really imaginative and kinda self centered and it's mythology! Should be fine.

If there is a goddess or deity you wish to know about, I'm pretty sure my ask box is still open.

Any complaints let me know and I'll do my best not to be a dick about it and fix it.

Happy New Year's

#greek mythology #greek gods #lore chthonic order #tartarus #demeter fic #no I didn't forget #my life is just shit #so im never in a good headspace to write more than character lore #im sorry I went dark all this time

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calypsoff3 · 2 years ago

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Fifty Five.

I have not had peace like this from the kids in a while, nothing is going off and to see the older two more into school then anything is making me happy. They are both forever just playing around but they are both putting their head down, especially Rylee with her senior year she needs too. I don’t know if it’s because they know dad is around still but the kids are being very good, New Year, new them I guess but I am enjoying the peace and I am happy Amerie is back, she had a long break with her own family while I did what I needed to do but now the real work start for me, I am releasing one more album and then one more arena tour and I am over it, I want to do this under myself and have this under my belt. I don’t need to do this because I am making enough money to last me until I die with just Fenty alone but I want too, I think the fans deserve this and I want to keep this album for me, like I did this under my own record label, going independent has been the best decision I have ever done, I should have done this ages ago but I was scared, I needed Chris to help me in that and he did before we divorced that is. The kids will be coming home soon from school, I am just waiting on them. I do miss Chris, it was nice to spend time with him, I think he appreciated it more and I would never not spend time with him. Nobody understands the struggle he goes through, and I want to understand it, he knows I am just one phone call away and he does call me, I do miss him here and close to me. Answering the call from the security here “hello” I answered “hello Miss Fenty, we have Hebert here” letting out an oh “ok, let him come through” I said, the security has changed now. I get phone calls when people come in and out, disconnecting the call and placing my phone down on the table. Chris well and truly wants to stay in London, the way he got rid of the house and I just thought he could keep it but he didn’t want to change hid mine, that is his choice and I will support it, he wants to do it so why not.

“Hey” Herbo hugged me “thank you for letting me in, that security is an ass, I am like listen I know the inside of the house bro, I have been in there and he goes well I don’t know you” closing the door “I actually prefer it, it stops Rylee making an escape every time” he chuckled “man she still on some shit that girl” nodding my head “yeah, nice seeing you though. I did over hear some rumours which sucks, Chris didn’t throw you out” he let out an oh “the story got pulled in the wrong direction, we was outside with the stuff and you know how TMZ are like, I ain’t fallen out with Chris. That is my brother for life so they can suck my balls with that shit” waving him over to follow me to the kitchen “yeah, I saw it and I did discuss it with Chris, and he said it was never that and he did discuss it with you” which he did say that “yeah he called me, he did say it. I ain’t even mad, niggas just making up shit, you know” nodding my head “how is he though? I feel like I have lost a brother though, like to not see him here, to not see his face. I miss that shit a lot” Chris hasn’t told Herb that he has that so I have to wors this cleverly “and I saw that picture of him at your concert, like it scared me. He lost so much weight, is he ok? I was supposed to see you when you came back. Weeks later I finally get too” turning to him “yeah, I know those pictures looked bad, but he is ok. I think I hated to see it myself because people were calling him cancer patient and it hurt me so much, but he is ok, I know he is ok. He looks so much better now, you should visit him” I said, Chris would love that “so he ain’t coming back home then?” I cringed “he is happy there, and I can’t force him to move either. We aren’t together but we are very good friends, you know. We are good with each other, I am happy for him to be there, makes him comfortable” Herb looks so sad, he isn’t happy “I miss him” he admitted, I know he does.

Herb passed my phone back to me “that was just yesterday, he was showing the picture he draw and that is the latest selfie of him, so as you can see he is well” he nodded his head “yeah, just his vibe man. So he is becoming a British citizen” I laughed “you never know but for now, knowing he is at peace and loving life. I am ok with it, the kids are happy. He speaks to them all now every day, he is at a point where he is happy. Herb, Chris was very unhappy with a lot of things and right now. He is at peace, we need to accept that, we need to be happy with that. He never said nobody can see him, and I can tell him that you want to see him?” Herb is so sad, like he is so hurt “man, was it something I did?” shaking my head “oh no, don’t think that at all. Never you” he huffed out “you niggas back together again?” I laughed out “no, we are friends currently. We are just making each other happy, we are just being us and being us is more like boyfriend and girlfriend at our big age too” I laughed “but we are in a good place, the both of us” Herb took in a deep breath “well, I am here. For you, for the kids. For the boys, you know. They have football and basketball practice, I am in Cali now so if you need me, I am here” I cooed out “you look good too, happiness looks good on you” I cooed out “aww thank you” hearing the kids come in “mom!” Rylee shouted, rolling my eyes “I am in the kitchen!” I spat, hearing the kids shouting. They are being so loud right now; someone must have argued “uncle!” Rylee spat and ran over to him “man, Rylee how are you?” Raihan ran into the kitchen “mommy!” poking my bottom lip out “don’t you look adorable, hey baby. You enjoyed yourself” he nodded his head, I have let my baby go now and this is why it is so quiet in this home, I let my baby go now so I am feeling it myself.

It was nice of Herb to come in and check, I know he is upset about Chris not wanting to come back here but he is happy there. He is acting like I didn’t try but I can’t push him, it’s something I have to accept with him. We keep in contact so I can’t be angry at him, he doesn’t worry me at all “mom” looking up from my laptop “yes baby” Rylee has been trying to speak to me but I have been busy once they kids came back, the boys needed to do their homework and then Imani needed help with hers “can I now speak to you” nodding my head “come in” waving her over “oh” Tianna is here too “I came to listen, to see the outcome” Tianna just wants the drama, she isn’t shit for that “ok, this is about to be serious then” Tianna jumped on my bed “well kind of” Rylee said, Tianna shuffled her way over to me “so you already know?” I asked her, she nodded her head “I am listening” Rylee cringed “erm” Rylee looks nervous “oh please” I closed my laptop, Tianna snorted laughing “you want me to say it? I can say it” she offered her services “no!” Rylee spat “ok, so like. Melo” Rylee said “ok, yes. He was at the house yesterday” she cringed “I don’t want to be with him” she admitted, nodding my head slowly “right, and?” Rylee huffed out “mom, it’s just that I did think he was cute but I am not into him, he chased me for so long, once you know, you do know and he chased me to be with him and I have really decided I don’t want to be with him, but I feel bad. Like how do I do it” squinting my eyes at her “you feel bad because you are still in communication with a certain British boy?” I said straight out “mom” she whined “I am being truthful mom stop” I gestured for her to go ahead.

My daughter is just a pain “I want to be happy mom and I am not happy, just because everyone loves him, and I feel trapped. It’s unfair, being with him isn’t fun. He is boring too and he doesn’t give me that fun, but like everyone loves him because he is good. I don’t know mom, I don’t want to be with him. Maybe once he grows up, he just. I don’t know” she is talking just to talk “he is what? Rylee just speak” I said “he won’t make a move on me” I breathed out “you know Rylee, boys are also nervous about these things? Especially when one likes the girl, it can happen. There is a lot of pressure on them you know” I said “he isn’t a virgin mom, I am!” she yelped out “fine, break up with him, I want you happy and he isn’t making you happy so do it. Sit him down and just say, I don’t know. If you are better as friends then say that, but ok. But do it now, don’t wait either. I hope you’re not doing it for him” I eyeballed her “no” that no was a little weak for my liking “so erm I also decided, in regards to college. I have seen ones in London” I laughed out “mom!?” she spat “London? You think you’re going London? Oh you dream of that place, oh no sweetie. You are having me on right now” Tianna is giggling “dad lives there!? How can you fight me on this, I will live with dad” I pointed at her “so you can drive him up the wall!? He don’t need you there” I spat “you’re jealous you can’t up and leave to be there with him, I am asking dad and he will say yes then what” she shrugged “he will say no, your intentions aren’t what it seems baby no” I know her, she yelped out “why are you like this!?” she spat “you continue the plan. New York, if he likes you that much, the flight is a little closer huh” she stormed out, she is not happy but I will not let her do it, she isn’t going to London, I refuse to let her go.

Shaking my head, I don’t know this girl at all. She is really huffing and puffing around the house, I can hear her shouting at my other kids “she is a child” I mumbled “she is so in love” looking at Tianna “excuse me?” I said “I am not even joking, she likes him so much. And I don’t know, maybe he does like her too because he makes so much time for her. At one point, this was when we went out for frozen yoghurt, North and we all was there. She just sat in the corner facetiming him, not even a care in the world” grabbing my phone from the side “my daughter is seventeen, I have had enough!” I spat, unlocking my phone and tapping on Chris’ name and sending him a message “But mom she will be eighteen soon and then what? She may hate you, like I get it but still” she said, typing out a message ‘Do not allow Rylee to talk you into accepting her going to London, she goes to New York and that is the end of it! She is not going there, we will speak tomorrow x�� pressing send “what else do you know about this? It’s really got Rylee a whole different person “erm, when I asked like do you still speak to him, she said yeah. But they friends, I said ok so if he has another then what, she said but they not exclusive, just friends but they spend too much time to be just friends” shaking my head “I don’t want to know anymore, I don’t support it. If she wants to leave Melo then fine, but this girl” I scoffed.

She’s going to New York, I fear that if she goes to London she won’t be learning anything but chasing that man. She’s not doing it, not she’s disrupted my sleep. But also I don’t want my daughter upset so I’m going to check on her, also check she’s asleep. I mean Tianna has a point because once she moves out then what, I can’t do this. Walking over to her door, I was about to knock on the door but I can hear her talking in there. Pressing my ear to the door “are you? Why?” She’s talking to Oakley again “because I’m not feeling him, I’m doing it for me. Don’t smile at me like that” she said “I ain’t say anything, so did your master plan work?” Squinting my eyes “oh my mother had a heart attack and said no, I’m saying it to my dad but knowing my mother she will have text him and then get into his mind so New York seems to be the one, but like” she went silent “your parents want the best for you, respect that” Rylee scoffed “why do you be voice of reason, I hate it. Like I am a child, show me your hair again” rolling my eyes, knocking on the door to see what happens “what?” She spat “it’s me” I opened the door, she is in bed with no phone in sight “mhmmm, go to sleep. And also nothing has changed. It’s New York or here. Sleep, now” I pointed, she nodded her head. Closing the door and walking off, I don’t want to seem like an annoying mother but she isn’t thinking right at all.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Chrianna Fanfic #Chrianna Fanfiction

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indigo474 · 1 year ago

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we don't pray for love, we pray for cars-2032-73023-

there must have been a car show up around where i work.. i saw a few awesome old cars. unpopular opinion but i hate chrome on cars.. i wish i didn't because it's so popular- but yuck.. the one guy i talked to that gave me his name- unsolicited- was the president of the corvette club - some car club- i was like oh cool... then i started talking about weird shit and scared him off.. madison and i have trackers in out cars for insurance purposes.. the lady who sold me the insurance assured me the data collected would not go against me.. i happened to read the fine print and she was wrong.. i honestly think she didnt know.. she was new to her job.. i meant to call her to tell her but i never got around to it. the report came in on how we drive and madison could not wait to compare the 2 of us... she was so excited to tell me that she drives better than me.. i cant help but think had she choose to live with her dad how different her life would be.. she would have her family. my heart breaks for her.. she made the wrong choice.. she would probably be happier .. id probably be ok, i feel like we would still talk.. i dont know. according to Meghan, life is so much better without me. i was the problem. maybe i am the problem.. or i was the problem. or i still am the problem.

i have my trip with Marci coming up. I have no idea what we are going to talk about for 3 days. we are going to a dance club.. i have to find something to wear.. im not sure how to dress as a 50 year old lady going to the club.. it will only be my 2nd time ever going to a club. im looking forward to dancing. Marci has been every where and done everything and here i am..

i choked down an 1/8 of mushrooms and did not trip.. i felt like i was in a dream state but no visuals.. which i was honestly fine with because..if im honest, that shit is terrifying.. kind of.. as long as i have the sense to know i'm actually tripping.. which of course i did..but i was scared to go back to that place.. im not sure why as nothing bad happened.. i had this obsession with getting rid of the mushrooms.. like it was something dangling over my head that i just had to do.. they are truly nasty and i actually threw up trying to get them down.. i come home and what do i find.. more fucking mushrooms.. it was like they somehow multiplied.. i have enough for a micro dose.. probably enough to fit into 2 capsules..maybe 3.. im gonna grind them up real good and take them in a capsule..and be done done done.. its weird because they all came from the same batch but each time i took them the experience was totally different.. me trying to control something that is uncontrollable.

the park closed at 807 today.. last week it was 817.. the leaves are starting to change.. time is moving. i want to run away.. madison could probably afford to keep the apartment.. maybe she could get a roommate. i dont want to do this anymore..

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aneyeforlondon · 2 years ago

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Tuesday, May 2, 2023

Today is castle day! We start our day as usual with our full English breakfast. When we came back to the room, Sherri was double checking trains and entry times, etc. and realises that Windsor is closed today for maintenance. We decided to change plans and go to Hampton Court Palace. We’ve been before, but again, never pass up seeing historical places. Sherri runs down to Alisa and Cindy’s room to run the new plan across them to see if they are ok with it and they are. So we head out to the station and make our way to Waterloo station to take the train to Hampton Court. We found out from the ticket desk that we can simply put an extension on our tube passes instead of purchasing a separate ticket. Sherri and I have enough but Cindy and Alisa need to top up and do so at the kiosk. The. Rid is only about 30 minutes or so and we get to Hampton and start walking towards the castle. It’s rather quiet however; we do pass a couple of what appear to be day care outings. The kids were so cute and they are all tethered together so no one gets lost. We get to the palace and are shocked that there is not many people around. There are a couple talking to the guard at the gate and we learn that, like Windsor, Hampton Court is also closed on Tuesdays!!! But we will not let this get us down. The guard tells us that we can at least walk to the back of the palace and get some sots of the gardens. So we walk along the river down to the back of the palace and take some pictures as best we can given there are not just one, but now two fences around the palace. But we have fun just talking and walking even though it’s a little chilly today. We end up walking back to the main road and after a discussion, we decide to go to Windsor even though we won’t be able to visit the castle. It’s a great little town to walk around in and we are sure it will be all dolled up for the coronation. So we buy some tickets and take the train in. We arrive not at the same station that Sherri and I arrived at for the wedding 5 years ago, but the station that is at the back side of the castle. We take a few pictures and make our way to the front. The picture taking is a little better here as we can at least stick our phones through the one gate and take unobstructed pictures of the castle. We then look for some lunch hoping to eat at the Horse and Groom pub, however; when we get there, we find they are not serving food today. We seem to be striking out every which way. Sherri has also eaten at another pub called the Carpenters Arms. I ordered the steak and ale pie and a half pint of London Pride. Sherri has the same except as usual she has Guinness. After we ate, we head back out to seek out shopping. There’s an Edinburgh Woolen Mill right next to the pub so we pop in to see what we can find. I had been looking for some bunting, but all I found in London wee paper and I wanted something that would make it through the rain. They had some plastic ones although I wanted the fabric, I fold and purchase them. When I get to the counter, the clerk tells me they are on sale three for two, so I scrape up 5 pounds as I had a ton of change I wanted to get rid of and that’s exactly what was in my wallet aside from a few left over pence! We purchase tickets to get back to the city as it ends up being cheaper because the woman at the station in Hampton Court said if we purchase a “family” ticket it is cheaper. We get back to London and drop off our things at the hotel and rested for a little while. Not wanting to eat so late, we decided to go ahead and eat at Khan’s tonight. Sherri and I walked to the restaurant and ordered our usual although we didn’t get as much food as we normally do after theater as we aren’t as hungry as we would have been later. I forgot to tell the waiter to make it mild and the food was pretty spicy! After dinner, we went back to the hotel and met Cindy and Alisa in the lounge and talked to them as they had dinner. We end up visiting late again and head upstairs to get some well needed rest. Shopping day tomorrow!

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forgottenvalentina · 1 year ago

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light of her life, her hope, her joy, her pride, etc, etc, cassimir can do no wrong and she'll make him the future emperor if she can!! and she def thinks she can ;D if he'll just cooperate smh 'you know these boys...forever distracted by a pretty face'

ok so i recently rewatched ever after <3 (amazing decision frankly 10/10 would recommend) and you know that scene where the prince arrives at her house for the first time and she's like [ "may i present marguerite francoise louise of the house of ghent...and jacqueline" ] that is 100% val re: her two kids (and cassimir is def marguerite hahaha) not just in introductions but also kinda how she views them alksdjfkjdsf great mom alert!!!!! laksjdfjkdfjk

so phase one of operation emperor cassimir is v quickly turning into marry eithne off!!!!! she's gonna find a deep hole somewhere and marry eithne into it so she's not longer flitting around distracting her boy from his magnificent future!! she knows eithne is just throwing herself at him bc -- well, who ~wouldn't be impressed, she can't really ~blame her that much, but also 1) her seeming sweetness if covering up the fact that she's ambitious and conniving and knows cassimir is going places 2) she's genuinely impressed bc again who wouldn't be 3) she wants to stick it to valentina!!!! annnnd i had another reason in mind but i cant remember rn but basically she clearly understands eithne v well alksdjflkjdsfkjsdfj </3 so she's terrified that eithne will get her hooks in cassimir and valentina's triumphant return to the throne will slip between her fingers!!!! hence the need to get rid of her quickly and discreetly!

if she manages this, she'd def bad talk her to cassimir afterwards like 'oh yes they'd been having an affair for years and years, it seems. oh, my poor boy, being drawn in by her malicious wiles, w your good heart' etc and would probs 'reveal' that eithne had been sucking them dry and all these expenses that had so long appeared to be valentina's poor handling were actually eithne ferreting things away in order to aggrandize herself and her lover etc etc etc. the down side is valentina'd have to get a new cook, alas, but surely ONE of the malconaire girls could manage. of course, they're so lazy they'd doubtlessly try to object, but aoife wouldn't so one way or the other, it'd all come out all right, if perhaps not quite so tasty alas

but anyway! eithne is frankly pr incidental to her plans and more just a nuissance along the way bc this one's been in the makings since she first learned she was pregnant! and the baby came out a boy!! (bc lbr she def has some internalized sexism going on here which sonya gets to bear the brunt of so that's fun and also charming </3) valentina isn't a full-blown avelina or anything (there's only one of her thank goodness alskdjfkjldsf), but she's just as treacherous in her way and she means to get her way! ever since she lost her family, she's seen a distinct opportunity to rise, phoenix-like, from their (perhaps literal) ashes ngl! and his name is cassimir <3 #familygoals anyway, he's her triumph embodied and can do no wrong!!!!

the fact that he doesn't get mad at her means so much to her bc like...i def don't think she's right abt this but...i think she seems him as a reflection of herself and i see her as a v cool, calculating woman in her own particular way...like, she believes that he's her but with opportunities™ bc he's male and also everyone who would have precedence over him is conveniently dead and there's a female heir to the imperial throne (thanks, roderick, for doing all the leg work so her boy could rule!!!!!) and like its practically written in the stars but also that they get™ e/o bc they're two sides of the same coin (which again i def think this is a distinct illusionment of her own that comes from like basically projecting onto him all her own ambitions etc and i do think if things get more srs w his wishes running contrary to her own that'll get challenged hahaha but anyway alsdkjfljksf)

anyway ngl that's DEF a big cause of her favoritism but honestly i do think she's largely a logical person who thinks strategically abt things, this is just a big of a blindspot bc she wants to think that she can still have everything she wants through him basically -- and obv she'll be the revered and powerful queen mother in this scenario who gets everything she wants etc! but also tbh she believes so much in this that if it cost her everything -- and she still believed she and he were aligned -- i think she might willingly live out her own personal days in poverty etc to get him there, if that's what it took! which for her is THE biggest sacrifice of which she's capable bc she's highly materialistic! but she'd still be pleased w herself the whole time she's rotting away bc she won!!! she got everything her whole family couldn't keep!!! and MORE bc empire! and she's smiling away to herself thinking this while she rots...but also you know she'd be making everyone around her miserable while swindling them out of every little thing she could alksjdfjklsdf she's a born conwoman -- this all kinda depends how things go tho idk if this will remain the case as things develop but it's where she is ~now

so i do think that valentina has a lil of book!cersei in her where she's like 'im not like other girls' basically lkka slkdjfkjldf and basically believes that all other women are stupid and beneath her but not her! -- valentina herself has the mind and stomach of a man and deserves to be upheld as such! but at the same time she def taught her kiddos to believe that women ought to bow to men bc of their innate superiority etc but now that she has to occasionally feel the brunt of that from her own son -- it does not best please her! bc ~he of all ppl, as her greatest achievement, ought to recognize her exceptionality!

i do think this may be the biggest sticking point in their relationship for her tho idk if he'd even be fully aware its there? but its def the thing most likely to invite any barbs from mama if he's too open in his feelings on ~her that way -- but meanwhile she'll be actively encouraging it w any other woman *facepalm* mostly tho she's patient and just sort of raises a brow and moves on

but on the flipside, him listening to her grants him umlimited brownie points and so she mostly just writes off any of those moments she doesn't like w 'well he's just a boy! boys will be boys!' lkdsajfkdsjfa (valentina literally like 'i don't like that he's categorizing me by stereotypical gender roles! i know! ill do the same to him!' alskdjfkljdsf anyway) but yeah i honestly think she's totally simpatico re: his role as man of the house! she's like 'that's right just as it was always meant to be' etc bc she def thinks her bloodline is meant to rule divine right of kings style

omg him standing up for eithne and sonya! t his is NOT a popular choice w mama! does he do this in the heat of the moment/in front of eithne/sonya, or later/privately? bc her reaction would def be different! if separetely, she'd just be 'my dear boy, standing up for the weak just like a true king. BUT' and then launch into manipulating him hardcore abt why mama's always right lkasdjfkljsdf if its in the heat of the moment w everyone watching tho, she'd be WAY more pissed but also more likely to back down, strangely enough? she's v conscious of both their images and the unity they must present as well as his role as king meaning he cannot be gainsaid so she'd arch a brow, master herself, and be all 'how chivalrous my son is. it takes the mercy of someone truly chosen by the gods to see past this mortal problem. very well. i concede. now, come, let us all eat together like the family we are,' etc, but then after he leaves, she'd make the punishment for whatever all the more severe -- partially bc she has more time to think abt it, partially bc she wants to teach them that they can't go to him to fix it so alksjdfkjldsf that's fun!

[ also here's a fun lil taste of mama brainwashing her babies in childhood <3 ]

ooc | Cassimir & Valentina

Mother Dearest!!! <3333

Valetina is one of Cassimir's favorite people in the entire world and a big part of that, is that she compliments him all the time!!!! And never thinks he does anything wrong!!! And tbh that is the way to having the best relationship one can have with Cassimir, honestly???? Because even though I think Valentina does things that frustrated Cassimir (pressure him to marrying Guin, when Eithne is the obivous choice ;D), I don't think he ever really gets angry with her??? Definitely not to the extent that he does with pretty much everyone else and I think a big part of that, is that he doesn't want to ever want her to stop thinking that he's the greatest person of all time!?!??

I do think he trusts her advice in a lot of things/does whatever she says and considers her to be highly intelligent (for a woman), but yeah whenever things don't really pan out for her -- aka the estate falling into financial ruin -- he's just like "aww well she can't help it she's a woman"

He's definitely sUPER protective of her though and feels a great deal of responsibility towards her as the man of the house and tbh does want a future where he is successful and wealthy enough that she can literally live like the queen she is and not have to worry about anything!!

I do think that the other things they probably disagree on, is just her treatment of Eithne (especially since I feel like Valentina is probably harder on her now that Cassimir has decided he ~loves~ her) and he will stand up to her about that, if he catches her treating her poorly. And I do think he occasionally stands up for Sonya, too, but other times he might feel the desire to agree with her, to continue feeling like he's the most superior person ever (best bro award!) But yeah, I don't think that, even on these points, he ever gets full-blown angry with her just more serious and stern than he is otherwise.

#cassimir malconaire #ooc #this got so long im so sorry alksdjflkjdsfkjsfj

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ruanbaijie · 3 years ago

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bestie i'm giving you free reign to go absolutely bonkers here, so do what you will with this question (give me all your thoughts)

Can you recommend some cdramas to watch?

hi mandy!!!! go bonkers you say? 👀

ok but full disclosure I’ve done a couple of recs posts before and since then I haven’t watched that many new cdramas, so what I’m gonna do now is to consolidate what I posted there (including my ramblings klaklsdklf) into one super long post (heh)

sorting them into shows I’ve watched, shows I plan to watch but have heard good things about, and shows I’m not currently planning to watch but have heard good things about. all synopses, genres, and tags are from mydramalist!

also! I tend to prefer shows that involve action, mystery, detective, crime, and/ or monsters (think vampires and zombies), so a lot of my favourites and recs (at least those on my completed and to watch lists) are shows of these genres!

someone else also asked me about cdramas / kdramas similar to akatsuki no yona which I’ve answered here for the kdramas! @ anon who asked that, if you’re seeing this post too, my same remarks reply: I’m not exactly sure if there’s a drama with a premise that’s super similar to that of ANY, but I’ve tried to put in notes here and there for dramas that might have similar tropes

completed + my faves (i.e. leT ME SHOVE THIS DOWN YOUR THROAT)

Wei Wu Xian and Lan Wang Ji, two talented disciples of respected clans, meet during cultivation training and accidentally discover a secret carefully hidden for many years. Taking on the legacy of their ancestors, they decide to rid the world of the ominous threat. But in a dramatic turn of events, Wei Wu Xian dies. Sixteen years later, Wei Wu Xian is brought back to life through a self-sacrificing ritual. He conceals himself behind a mask and assumes the identity of his summoner. Soon, Wei Wu Xian reunites with Lan Wang Ji and they start working together to solve the mysteries of the present and unravel the truth behind the events in the past.

Genres: historical, mystery, wuxia, fantasy

Tags: censored adaptation of same-sex original work, tragic past, flashback to past, bromance, power struggle

Fanmade trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mVGYSzg-Pk

ah okay I don’t know if you’ve watched this yet so I’m just dumping it here

it’s easily one of (if not the) most known cdramas internationally! and there’s quite a big fandom on tumblr

I don’t make much content for it now but I’d spent more than 2 years pouring my soul into gifsets for it and it was this show that got me into giffing!

might be similar to ANY because of... majority male cast, action, adventure

In the multiplayer online game Glory, Ye Xiu is well known as the textbook level expert and top-tier player Ye Qiu. Due to a series of circumstances he was forcefully expelled out of his professional team. After leaving the pro-gaming scene he resides at an Internet Café employed as one of the managers. When Glory launches their tenth server he throws himself into the game once more. Equipped with ten years of gaming experience, memories of the past, and an incomplete self-made weapon. His journey back to the top begins.

Genres: action, friendship, youth, sports

Tags: online gaming, strong friendship, game, competition, gamer, sismance, tournament, bromance

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q16DV-6DidU

*SCREAMS*

ok if you’ve snooped around my tumblr recently, you might have realised that I’m VERY obsessed with this right now

I never expected to start 2022 getting hyperfixated over an esports show… alas.

no romance but why does a show need to have romance to be good amirite

amazing action, palatable cgi that I actually came to like

very strong found family feels and underdog story

also somehow manages to teach you life lessons

kickass music that IS NOT ON SPOTIFY ;u;

please just watch this why is the fandom on tumblr so small ;u;

YANG YANG AS YE XIU (´꒳`)♡

it’s a whole damn franchise that I’m getting sucked into right now

season 2 when

might be similar to ANY because of... majority male cast, found family

Set in the mid-1920s. A resourceful young police officer named Qiao Chu Sheng is on the trail of a brutal but devious killer. Realising that the police force will need some extra help with this difficult case, he decides to form an elite crime-busting detective team. He reaches out to a young man who has recently returned from studying in Great Britain, Lu Yao. Qiao Chu Sheng has learned that Lu Yao has remarkable powers of deduction and a brilliant mind – and believes he can help crack this difficult case. To round off the team, he enlists the help of Bai You Ning, a focused young female reporter for a daily newspaper. A free-thinking, independent young woman, she has a strong sense of justice – and pledges to help catch the killer. The trio form a small detective squad that specialises in solving strange and unsettling murder mysteries.

Genres: thriller, historical, mystery, romance

Tags: investigation, Chinese Republican Era, bromance, slight romance, friendship, roommates, murder, bickering couple

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ijcA-Fxh24

I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH OKAY I WATCHED IT TWICE

chuyao <333

though from what I’ve seen on tumblr you either love it very much or you drop it

a lot of people really don’t like the female lead though - she can get a bit annoying

also the scenes with english dub are.... hilarious

there’s a second season coming up with the same two male leads, with a similar premise of crime solving in the chinese republican era but they’re no longer playing the same characters (i.e. main characters are different I don’t know how that works)

In 15th-century China, a quick-witted, senior-ranking government official named Tang Fan takes a break from his routine activities in order to investigate a murder, teaming up with martial arts specialist guardsman Sui Zhou in a bid to solve the case. When the peace-loving landlord of the house Tang Fan is renting is found dead, the duo investigates. It is an apparent suicide, but the investigative pair quickly realises that something looks amiss. They investigate and eventually succeed in finding a suspect they believe may have killed the landlord. But they soon learn that this murderer did not act alone – and is just a smaller player in a much grander scheme. As they dig deeper into the crime, the duo soon realises that something very sinister is afoot – including a plot to launch a bloody coup. Can they stop the criminal mastermind before time runs out?

Genres: historical, mystery, drama

Tags: censored adaptation of same-sex original work, Ming Dynasty, bromance, investigation

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCEJd5EI5rc

a really good show! cases are much more solid than MRIAD imo (but I’m biased towards MRIAD *cough*)

adapted from a bl novel that is apparently quite different

In order to leave the assassin organisation The Window of Heaven, the leader Zhou Zi Shu performs an obligatory departure technique, leaving him with three years left to live. He disguises his face and tries to live the remainder of his days as a drunkard wandering the martial arts world. Three months later, he meets the mysterious Wen Ke Xing, who immediately notices Zhou Zi Shu’s façade. The two then grow closer when they get entangled in a conspiracy regarding the Glazed Armour, a protected legendary key to a powerful armoury.

Genres: historical, mystery, wuxia, fantasy

Tags: hidden identity, censored adaptation of same-sex original work, antihero, martial arts, jianghu, revenge, tragic past

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=danLFjQ53aw

another cdrama with a pretty big fandom on tumblr!

also another one for which I was making quite a number of sets a year back

there’s a short 37th episode because if they’d just stopped at 36 it would have been quite a shitty ending

might be similar to ANY because of... action, adventure

completed

During the Republican era, a river is haunted by inexplicable occurrences. Guo De You is a policeman who succeeds in his master 'Old River God' and has inherited his ability to weed out the guilty whenever he lights the pipe. He ends up being suspected of the murder of a distinguished chairman whose son Ding Mao joins hands with him to uncover the truth. Together with some unlikely partners, they begin an investigation that leads them to an incident that happened twenty years ago.

Genres: historical, mystery, horror, supernatural

Tags: Chinese Republican Era, shamanism, adapted from a novel, psychic, bromance, investigation, hypnosis

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egtvJ8Gs3dg

During the Song Dynasty, Ye Zhao cross dresses to become a general of outstanding ability, receiving a top rank of general. The Empress Dowager constantly worries about Ye Zhao holding too much power and took the opportunity to betroth Ye Zhao to one of the Emperor's nephews, the no-good Prince of Nanping, Zhao Yujin, who possesses remarkable beauty but is pampered, lazy and spends his time on "useless" artistic pursuits. Thus, the story of the real battle of who will take power in this new household begins.

Genres: military, historical, comedy, romance

Tags: tomboy, arranged marriage, female warrior, cross-dressing, multiple couples, gender role reversal, Song Dynasty

Trailer (no EN subs): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EZe-C_w67I

oh my god this show. it’s so underrated ヽ(´Д`;)ﾉ

the dynamics between ye zhao (sandra ma) and zhao yu jin (peter ma) are AMAZING

especially the heart eyes he keeps giving her when he realises how head over heels he is in love with her

and how much being in love with her changed him from lazy snotty aristocrat to actual functioning “I Will Protect My General Wife Even Though I Can’t Fight At All” member of the government

side note its chinese name literally means “general above/ on top”, and this series was adapted from a novel called 将军在上我在下 “general above/ on top, I am below” like HMMMM

also the costuming in this show is ridiculously colourful and lowkey japanese-like because they actually got a japanese costume designer

might be similar to ANY because of... strong female lead who kicks ass

A world beyond scientific understanding with a group of passionate adults trying to solve cases done by such forces. Zhao Yun Lan and Shen Wei are tasked with upholding peace between underworld dwellers and humans, and the story will focus on their friendship that transcends past and present lifetimes.

Genres: friendship, thriller, mystery, fantasy

Tags: bromance, censored adaptation of same-sex original work, star crossed lovers, hidden identity, tragic past, power struggle

MV of one of the OST songs sung by the two main actors but can pretty much function as a trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHz6e8c0FZY

ah where do I begin

adapted from Priest’s bl novel Guardian

terrible sfx (that makes the sfx in the untamed looks amazing), barely intriguing plot after the first few episodes

BUT. BUT.

the chemistry between zhao yunlan (bai yu) and shen wei (zhu yilong) is ridiculously good ヾ(*′○`)ﾟ.+:｡ﾟ☆

this show was censored so heavily and diverged so much from the original novel, but the actors and the entire crew knew that they were acting a romance and not a romance and it damn well showed

I believe that this show set the road for the untamed because even though it became so wildly popular among fans that I guess it signalled to show runners the possibility of drama adaptations of BL novels despite the heavy censorship

Set in the Republican Era in Shanghai in the 1930s: An intriguing crime case emerges amidst the bustling city. A beautiful new graduate of the police academy, Qin Xiao Man, joins the investigation unit. The famous detective Luo Fei becomes her colleague and neighbour. Together they solve case after case with a growing conspiracy appearing.

Genres: thriller, historical, mystery, comedy

Tags: crime solving duo, Chinese Republican Era, investigation, suspense, murder, Shanghai French Concession, Sherlock and Watson, attempted assault

Trailer (no EN subs): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CLfIut0VDI

quite similar to MRIAD, in that it’s a detective show set in the republican era and is structured according to a few episodes per case (in this case - lol - it’s three episodes per case) but with an overarching plot

I feel like they didn’t really touch on the overarching plot here except for a couple of cases? the rest of the cases are unlinked to the overarching plot

though overall the overarching plot feels better executed than MRIAD (which was just… lol)

female lead is absolutely likeable and I’m so glad they didn’t force a romance between the male lead (bai yu) and her

very Sherlock Holmes-ey, down to the music

A story that follows Wang Lu, a young genius, who enters the Spirit Blade Sect and embarks on an unconventional journey towards immortal cultivation. The Spirit Blade Sect was established in the year 4233. Through years of producing martial arts prodigies, it has been hailed as one of the five great sects. As the nine continents face a crisis, a genius by the name of Wang Lu joins the Spirit Blade Sect and comes under the tutelage Wang Wu. Despite Wang Wu's beauty, she is hundreds of years in age. Famous for having a sharp tongue and an erratic temper, she and her disciple Wang Lu engage in endless squabbles while trudging on a path to becoming the strongest sage in all the lands.

Genres: historical, romance, wuxia, fantasy

Tags: xianxia, student-teacher relationship, bromance, slapstick, slow burn romance

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5nshXtTD-k

quite a fun, lighthearted show to watch

big on humour but also has its smart moments

reminded me of a more lighthearted version of joy of life (below)

female lead is super sassy

Fan Xian is born in the ancient empire of Southern Qing with memories of the 21st century. He lives in a rural town as the illegitimate son of the Minister of Finance, raised by his grandmother. His mother, Ye Qingmei was once a celebrated inventor and the founder of the Overwatch Department, the country's spy network but was killed shortly after her son was born. Fan Xian has since been protected by a blind martial arts expert, Wu Zhu, his mother's bodyguard. He learns martial arts and the art of poison as a child, also assisted by his knowledge from the 21st century. After an assassination attempt, he decides to venture into the capital to find out more about his mysterious mother and why anyone would want to kill him, as he perceives himself to be an unimportant person. He also wants to know why he has memories of a sharply different era. In the capital, he accidentally meets Lin Wan'er, the sickly illegitimate daughter of the Princess Royal and falls in love with her.

Unbeknownst to him, she is the woman the emperor chose for him to marry so that he would be the new overseer of the Royal Treasury, an institute Fan Xian's mother established in the palace and currently handled by the Princess Royal. In the capital, however, he gets entangled in the intrigues of the Emperor and the two Princes, as well as the Overwatch Department, leading to him questioning his whole identity and inducing him to find his true life goals, abandoning his original intention to just "enjoy life".

Genres: historical, mystery, romance, wuxia

Tags: martial arts, time travel, sword-fight, power struggle, scheme, sci-fi

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8D5AyJAXqiE

believe me or not, this show actually has quite a fair bit of science fiction in it

it’s a super clever show and involves a bit of thinking

also stars xiao zhan as a side character that has a completely different personality from wei wuxian

character to look out for: Second Prince. He’s the scene stealer

character description from wiki that I just had to include: Lin Wan'er, a chicken drumstick princess

A story that revolves around a Peking opera performer and a wealthy businessman who are brought together by their love for Peking opera. Set in the 1930's, it follows Shang Xi Rui, a Peking opera performer who relies on his exceptional talent to gain fame in Beiping. Being an outsider, he faces opposition from the locals but doesn't relent nor give up in fulfilling his dreams to promote Peking opera. As he pours himself into mastering the art, wealthy businessman Cheng Feng Tai becomes deeply captivated after watching a performance for the first time. He makes acquaintance with Shang Xi Rui and becomes an avid supporter. Through Cheng Feng Tai's help, Shang Xi Rui builds Shui Yun Lou and trains a new troupe. When the Japanese army invade Beiping in 1937 and patriotic men and women take up arms to fight, Shang Xi Rui and Cheng Feng Tai are moved to make sacrifices for their country.

Genres: historical, business, romance, drama

Tags: Chinese opera, Chinese Republican Era, censored adaptation of same-sex original work, businessman, bromance, performing arts

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6k1XBsF1YlY

a bit of a long show but I enjoyed it from start to end!

a good show that introduces you to the chinese opera scene, plus with the backdrop of the japanese invasion

absolutely stunning costumes

ALL THE HEART EYES BETWEEN CHENG FENGTAI AND SHANG XIRUI

The iron triangle Wu Xie, Pang Zi and Zhang Qiling restart their adventure after receiving an unusual text from Wu Sansheng. Wu Xie, Pang Zi and Zhang Qiling have hung up their hats to end a ten-year promise. After trading their adventures for a normal life, a text from Wu Sansheng drives them to embark on a mysterious journey for the sake of family and friendship.

Genres: adventure, mystery, horror, fantasy

Tags: survival, teamwork, tomb raiding, bromance, treasure hunting, slight comedy

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=649NPvrwoLY

seems super long but was actually aired in two seasons

tbh I would’ve listed horror as one of those genres

because especially in the first half of the show I was watching most of it from behind my hands

there are a whole bunch of series and movies before this one, it’s part of a super big franchise (probably one of the biggest franchises) in china called 盗墓笔记 (the grave robber chronicles, or the lost tomb)

but you don’t have to watch the previous shows to know what’s going on because this one pretty much starts from a new arc, give or take a few casual references thrown into the conversation referring to their past adventures (which are also shown in the opening if you know what to look out for)

xhu yilong here is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from xhu yilong in guardian. there he was invincible ass kicking alien. here he is sick dying old uncle who needs to be protected but still pretty damn smart.

Miss Su Wen Li, a beautiful and witty socialite, forms an unlikely detective duo with the righteous and serious inspector Luo Qiuheng. Despite their many differences, the pair share an undeniable chemistry and - of course - go on to solve many cases together in and around Shanghai, all while Su Wen Li chases clues behind her sister's disappearance, which happened ten years ago, yet is forever a thorn in her heart.

Genres: historical, mystery, romance

Tags: Chinese Republican Era, investigation, detective fiction, historical fiction, slight comedy

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ucsbbo5-P5o

another detective show set in the early 20th century! (I have A Type)

su wenli is absolutely incredible and sassy and the rare female detective

Chen Si is a righteous detective who got partnered up with Yuan Bu Jie, a dream reader with unrivalled interpreting skills as well as a dark past. They work together to find the truth behind a series of serial murders.

Genres: thriller, historical, mystery, supernatural

Tags: Chinese Republican Era, suspense, murder, detective fiction, historical fiction, special power

Trailer (no EN subs): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHJ9tsxXITk

I really found this quite good and I was (am??) quite bummed that not a lot of people have picked it up ahaha

maybe it’s because it hasn’t really been subbed though?? at least when I was watching it. I’m not sure if it’s still not subbed in english

A story that follows two men who are polar opposites, one kills, while the other heals. One is a violent cop and the other is a compassionate doctor. Together they support and redeem each other during troubled times. Jiang Yue Lou heads the Jingcheng Police Station and appears neither good nor evil. Yet smugglers tremble at the thought of him. While investigating an opium case in Hong Kong, Yue Lou encounters Yu Zhi who learns that Yue Lou suffers from bipolar disorder. Although initially reluctant to undergo treatment, Yue Lou eventually opens up to Yu Zhi. Despite their differing values they slowly become close friends. At this time, the secrets from the past start to bubble to the surface.

Genres: thriller, historical, mystery, crime

Tags: bromance, strop friendship, censored romance, Chinese Republican Era, bipolar disorder, drugs, investigation

Trailer (no EN subs): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fafu0-GU7Ko

the chinese name for this show is super poetic

another one for the heart eyes between the two main male leads

Young girl Chu Chu came from a family of coroners. She meets Prince Xiao Jin Yu, a dignified prince in charge of criminal lawsuit who appeared weak and sickly. Prince Xiao lacks reliable manpower to investigate case, while Chu Chu lacks people to step up, take charge and be a man. Together, they manage to unravel a shocking case that has dragged on for 18 years. After solving the case, she won the Emperor's approval and is finally certified as the Imperial Coroner, fulfilling her life goal.

Genres: historical, mystery, romance, medical

Tags: forensic medical examiner, investigation, slow burn romance, Tang Dynasty, coroner, palace politics

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otdEkk6ntdw

has romance as well as bromance

a good balance of forensics / crime-solving and palace politics shenanigans!

here’s a really well summarised infographic by @/dramavixen

You Yi is a young, innocent, and kind-hearted socialite and a successful author, living with everyone's adoration and envy. Her perfect life is turned upside-down when she discovers a betrayal by the two most trusted people in her life. With no one left to turn to, she finds refuge in the friendship and support of Yan Wei, a young photographer with a cold personality. Unbeknownst to all, Yan Wei has a deadly secret identity.

Genres: thriller, historical, mystery, drama

Tags: censored adaptation of same-sex original work, Chinese Republican Era, female centred plot, opposites attract, sismance, murder, revenge, extramarital affair, infidelity

Trailer (no EN subs): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWPDjkXC6io

a really quick watch, one of the rare wlw cdramas around

republican era aesthetics!!!

plan to watch

The story follows the amnesiac detective Jian Buzhi who starts on a quest to finding the truth and unmasking his father's killer. Along the way, he finds a love interest and a good friend who work hand in hand with him to solve mysterious cases.

Genres: historical, mystery, romance, wuxia

Tags: murder, amnesia, bromance, sword-fight, hidden identity, strong friendship, swordsman, death

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3J7CML_u50

Wu Xie and Wang Pan Zi are trying to find out what really happened during The Mystic Nine's trip to Parcel Island while also curious about his uncle’s past. Weighing heavily on his heart though, is the disappearance of his friend Zhang Qi Ling/"Xiao Ge". Wu Xie finds himself mixed up in the same elaborate conspiracy he has been trying to solve but with what looked like dire consequences. Undaunted, he forged ahead with clues he'd uncovered from place to place, finally reuniting with Xiao Ge, joining another group of explorers led by Wu Xie's old acquaintance Ah Ning along with his friends Wang Pan Zi and Pan Zi. They were also later joined by Xie Yu Chen and Hie Yan Jing, along with Wu Xie's uncle. During this trip, Wu Xie was dealt a devastating blow while Xiao Ge lost his memory again. After briefly returning home, Wu Xie and Wang Pan Zi decided to try and find out more about Xiao Ge's past to help him regain the memories he lost. That trip led them on another adventure and they found themselves backtracking to their previous expedition and the evil force trying to cover up some dark secrets. Thanks to an ancient Lei family blueprint, Wu Xie became acquainted with Madam Huo of the Jiumen Sect. At her insistence, the group embarked on a tomb raid of the real Zhang Manor which the Jiumen Sect had attempted many years ago in a final attempt to search for the truth. At the last possible moment, a puzzle is incorrectly solved leaving the entering group including Xiao Ge to disappear into the unknown, with the mystery unsolved and Wu Xie devastated. All hope is not lost though, as Xie Yu Chen makes a suggestion to Wu Xie that he simply cannot refuse.

Genres: action, adventure, thriller, mystery

Tags: tomb raiding, bromance, survival, teamwork, strong friendship, slight comedy, horror

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4H5tWUKJiU

A story that follows an aerospace engineer Yu Tu and the shining star Qiao Jing Jing. A decision is made to start gaming in order to save her endorsement deal brings her face to face with an old crush. As they grow closer, the two forge ahead to become each other's glory. Being a well-known celebrity, Qiao Jing Jing has to keep up with appearances in order to maintain her multi-faceted image. Alas, one starts to crack when someone leaks a video of her playing an online game and being terrible at it which is completely inconsistent with the image she has created for herself as the game's ambassador. Thus, she joins a gaming competition to prove her skills and to prevent herself from losing her endorsements. Qiao Jing Jing decides to use all of her free time towards improving her game and her decision leads her to reconnect with her old high school classmate, Yu Tu, whom she once had a crush on. He was a legend at their school, outstanding in everything that he does, while Qiao Jing Jing was just your average girl. Yu Tu went on to become an aerospace engineer who is also an expert gamer. It seems that the online game brought them together once more so she asks him to become her gaming coach.

Genres: comedy, romance, life, youth

Tags: time skip, first love returns, steamy kiss, friends to lovers, aerospace engineer, dream

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23PlXDnakJM

Xu Xiao is the King of China’s Northern Liang in an era of great upheaval. Steppe kingdoms have materialised with deadly intent, as rebellious uprisings threatened to destabilise the Southern realm. Against all odds, Xu Xiao managed to defeat them all. During this period, his unconventional, free-spirited heir, Xu Feng Nian been on the road, honing his equestrian skills and bolstering his fighting prowess. On his journey, he encounters the double sword-wielding martial artist Nan Gong Pu She, who’s soon to become his confidante. In the court of Northern Liang is Jiang Ni, a twelve-year-old girl who is actually a princess from a rival kingdom, with a mind for revenge. As Xu Feng Nian ascends the throne, concerns arise fearing him incapable of following in his father’s footsteps. Xu Feng Nian, despite having mounted a decisive campaign, encounters a crisis while en route to a neighbouring province. Its outcome could very well determine the entire realm's future.

Genres: historical, wuxia, drama, fantasy

Tags: sword-fight, martial arts, master-servant relationship, scheme, slight romance, father-son relationship

Trailer (no EN subs): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tO6MsdVphM

When Li Shi Qing awoke that fateful morning, she had no idea her life was about to change forever. Going about her day as usual, Shi Qing boarded the bus without ever giving her actions a second thought. But when the bus she was on was involved in a horrendous accident, Shi Qing had only seconds to realise that her life was about to end. Or was it? Waking up that very same morning, going through the exact same motions, boarding the same bus, and dying in the same accident, over and over again, Shi Qing soon realises that she has become trapped in a never-ending time loop. Desperate to find a way to escape not only the loop but her tragic fate, Shi Qing inadvertently drags fellow bus passenger, Xiao He Yun, into the loop with her. Together they try to find a way to alter their fate, by ensuring the bus arrives safely at its destination but attempting to do so proves anything but easy.

Genres: thriller, mystery, sci-fi

Tags: time loop, explosion, investigation, suspense, slight romance, student, game designer, time travel, web series

Fanmade trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ot4OfjUF_Zo

The young painter Shen Yi resigned from the Academy of Fine Arts and entered Haicheng Public Security Bureau mysteriously. Interpol Captain Du Cheng was furious and said that he would never accept those who caused his comrade to be killed in the police force. Five years ago, Shen Yi, who was still a student, was sketching on the street. A man took a picture of a child and asked him to draw what the child would look like as an adult. However, this painting caused Haicheng detective Lei Yi Fei to be exposed as an undercover agent and he was killed. And Lei Yi Fei happened to be Du Cheng's long-time friend and confidant. The strange thing is that, no matter how hard Shen Yi tried of recall for a few years, he couldn't draw the face of the man who asked him to paint the child's photo. Five years later, the guilt became heavier. In order to find out the truth, Shen Yi accepted the invitation of Director Zhang of the Public Security Bureau and became a portraitist of the Interpol Team. Under Zhang Ju’s persuasion and arrangement, Du Cheng had to accept that he became a colleague with Shen Yi, but he was still full of annoyance and despised Shen Yi’s “drawing to solve cases,” and the two became the “ticking bomb” in the team. However, in several collaborations, Shen Yi has repeatedly cracked the "dead end" of cases with his "three-year-old painting", "drawing based on audio," "micro-colour discrimination" and other stunts, which slowly started to impress Du Cheng. More importantly, the truth of Lei Yi Fei's death is still buried in Shen Yi's memory. On the way to find out the truth of Lei Yi Fei's life and death, the two people who were pursuing alone gradually untie their knots and rely on each other. In the end, "the heaven-matched partners" work together to uncover the dust-covered secrets and create a new world for each other.

Genres: thriller, mystery

Tags: murder, death, investigation, forensic sketch artist, deepfake, imposter, domestic violence, detective, elder fraud, plastic surgery

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddWLaA5DEMk

not planning to watch but still recommended!

In sixth-century China, Emperor Xiaoxuan of Southern Liang orders the unjust execution of his brother-in-law General Lin Xie, alongside the Lin family, his 70,000 army soldiers, and Crown Prince Qi. Secretly surviving the massacre is Lin Xie's son, Lin Shu, who undergoes medical treatment that changes his appearance entirely and leaves him in a weakened state, unable to perform martial arts again. Lin Shu changes his name to Mei Chang Su and later becomes the chief of the pugilist world and establishes the Jiangzuo Alliance. Twelve years later, Lin Shu returns to the capital with a secret plan after being sought after by Prince Yu and Prince Xian during their fight for the throne. He decides to covertly assist Prince Jing, the unfavoured son of the Emperor, and wisely rids the court of all scheming officials.

Genres: historical, wuxia, drama, political

Tags: power struggle, tragic past, hidden identity, scheme, childhood friends, political intrigue, revenge, bromance, sword-fight

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQ5LBRJCUcg

Having finally sold her TV series script, aspiring screenwriter Chen Xiao Qian soon falls under the scrutiny of the male lead, who refuses to act out the role. Vowing to make her script successful, she starts re-writing. While napping, she is transported into her own story, becoming the Third Princess Chen Qian Qian, a side character. Armed with the knowledge of her own script in which her character is soon to be killed in the third episode by Prince Han Shuo, the male lead, Xiao Qian is determined to stay alive and find her way back home.

Genres: historical, comedy, romance, fantasy

Tags: transmigration, screenwriter, parody, bickering couple, writer, love/ hate relationship, gender politics

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5kTims-cmU

A thousand years since the battle between the demons and heavens took place, the souls of the Star of Mosha and the God of War are sent to the mortal realm to serve penance. In the mortal realm, Chu Xuan Ji, daughter of the Shaoyang Sect Leader, is deprived of her six senses. At a tournament, she meets Yu Si Feng, a skilled disciple of Lize Palace who was born on the same day as her, and the two develop a friendship. Promising to meet again, Si Feng returns to his sect where he is punished for breaking the rules and forced to wear a mask that could potentially harm his life, while Xuan Ji leaves her home to train in martial arts. Four years later, their destinies intertwine anew. While traveling together, recovered memories from their past lives surface, revealing secrets and conspiracies involving themselves and the three realms; demon, heavenly, and mortal. These revelations have a profound impact on their relationship, creating an imbalance in all three realms.

Genres: historical, romance, wuxia, fantasy

Tags: reincarnation, deity, female warrior, hidden identity, xianxia, fated love

Trailer (no EN subs): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkS_XhQNBYQ

On a hunt for treasure and extra cash, sixth year primary school student Shi Guang discovered an old Go board in his grandfather’s house. Upon touching the Go board, he was possessed by the spirit of a Go master from the Southern Dynasty, during the reign of Emperor Song, named Chu Ying, that resides within. Chu Ying dedicated his life to Go. And under his influence, Shi Guang gradually developed a passion for the game.

Genres: comedy, drama, sports, supernatural

Tags: bromance, competition, strong friendship, character development, go game, rivalry, friendship, spirit, life lesson

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m2bSej0HxQ

The year is 626 C.E, and the realm and its political center Chang’an, are shaken to its core by the Xuanwu Gate Incident, a successful palace coup to take charge of the Tang Dynasty. A scheming prince leads the bloody coup and kills the family of Li Chang Ge during the raid, although she manages to escape. Now the prince has placed himself on the Imperial throne, and rules as Emperor Tai Zong. Li Chang Ge has her mind firmly set on revenge – and musters a powerful army intent on overthrowing the new Emperor. But her plans are thrown into disarray when she suffers an unexpected defeat against the armies of the Eastern Turkic Khaganate. The victorious General, Ashile Sun, decides to keep her in his service, making her his military strategist as he looks to pursue his own military goals. The duo forms a formidable military partnership. And over time, she finds herself falling for her captor – as he also starts developing feelings for her.

Genres: action, historical, romance, war

Tags: friends to lovers, character development, Tang Dynasty, betrayal, hidden identity, slow burn romance

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJ2xNMT7d7Q

As the only true immortal who possesses pure essence energy, Shang Gu has spent countless lifetimes acting as the head of the four true immortals of the ancient world. The four most powerful beings in existence, these true immortals have become gods in the eyes of the mortals who constantly beseech them for help. When commoners encounter difficulties, they will pray to the Gods, but what if Gods meet obstacles? It tells the deep love and hardship between two of the four true Gods, Bai Jue and Shang Gu.

Genres: historical, romance, wuxia, fantasy

Tags: xianxia, reincarnation, bromance, action, demon

Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4m_IYU7ENI

#*recs #*replies #cdrama #long post

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integra1127grimmreaper · 2 years ago

Text

Partner In Crime, Partner In Life, Partners Forever - P.I.C final (John Winchester)

Series Masterlist

Part 3

Warning: swearing, slight angst, gun violence

Note: Y/N - your name

Y/L/N - your last name

Y/N/N- your nickname

Summary: The Fourth and final part of Partners In Crime. The relationship between John and the Reader continues to sour as surprises pile up on top of each other, along with possible tragedy

Note: This is long ass chapter as finally conclude the story of Detective John Winchester and Detective Reader

Dividers created by @firefly-graphics

Week Six

Today marked exactly six weeks since you were at the doctor’s after you had gotten the call of having missed your scheduled birth control appointment. Which meant today was the day you had been advised by your doctor to finally take a pregnancy test.

You made the decision to take the test on a day that you knew Dean wouldn’t be home, so you chose; Thursday, which was Pub night, which meant you’d have the apartment to yourself until the next day.

Your paranoia getting the better of you; you make sure to lock both the bedroom and bathroom door while you took the test.

You were sitting on the closed toilet seat; lost in your thoughts, when the phone alarm went off. Taking a deep breath, you got up and reach for the test lying on the counter. “Oh, my FUCK!” you loudly cursed out at the positive pregnancy test in your hands.

“Maybe it’s a mistake” you shake your head at it, “doc spoke about false negatives, maybe this is a false positive.” Grabbing another test, you do your business again, “yeah, that’s it” you try to reassure yourself, “this one will definitely be negative.”

An hour later; you found yourself sitting on the bathroom fall, hands clutched deep in your hair as you silently stared at the three positive pregnancy tests staring back you.

This better not be happening. You thought to yourself, especially not now with how the situation between John and you were. Exhaling heavily, you got up from the floor, tossing the tests into one of the draws. Washing your hands, you then exit the bathroom and drag your butt off to bed.

When morning came, out of desperation; you decided to take the last two pregnancy tests. Definitely can’t be happening. You blankly stare at the positive tests. Grabbing all the tests, you throw them into the paper bag they were originally in and head for the kitchen trashcan to get rid of them.

You had just gotten off the phone with the doctor’s office, when Dean entered the kitchen. “Morning…” Dean yawned out, grabbing himself some coffee.

“Oh, hey…” you greet, heading to the refrigerator to grab ingredients to start on breakfast.

“You ok?” Dean looks at you with concern.

“Huh?” you look at him confused, shaking you head to snap out of your daze, you faintly smile at him, “I’m ok… just have a lot on my mind.”

“Does it have to anything to do with Dad?” Dean asks.

“What?” you ask, a bit surprised at his question. Heading to the kettle as a distraction, you start it up to make some herbal tea for yourself. “Why would you ask that?”

“Ran into Jones yesterday, he told me about the huge blowout between you and Dad just before the reassignment” Dean explains.

“Oh” you turn around to face him, “your Dad snapped at me over something stupid, can’t even remember what exactly.”

“Is that why you bailed out of the resent Pub nights? And why you guys got assigned new partners?” Dean frowned, seeming genuinely disturbed by what had he learnt.

“I thought it would be best to stay out of his way for the time being” you answer with a shrug, “we’ve been partners for the past five years now… maybe it was time for a change.”

“I’ll have a talk with him” Dean states, disappointed with his father’s behaviour, “you’re family… he shouldn’t be acting like an asshole towards you.”

“It’s fine Dean” you try to get him to drop the subject, “I don’t want you getting into a fight with your father over me.”

“But-” cutting Dean off, you respond with a stern look. “Drop it, Dean. Just let it be.”

“Fine…” Dean grumbles, “but if he does or says something in front of me that I don’t agree with; I’m putting him in his place.”

“Ok” you smile at his overprotectiveness of you.

Dean then tilts his head at you, “you sure you’re ok?”

“Yup” you answer, “why do you ask?”

“Because you’re drinking herbal tea first thing in the morning, as opposed to your regular morning coffee…” Dean points to the mug in your hand.

“Oh…” you blink at him dumbly for a second, letting out a chuckle, you respond “still detoxing…”

“Oh” Dean chuckles as well, “almost forgot about that.”

“No sweat” you smile at him.

Following Week, Monday

“The doctor will see you now, Ms. Y/L/N” the receptionist at the front desk informs you.

“Thank you…” you smile at her and head into the examination room.

“Y/N…” Doc. Davis greets you with a smile, “I take it you’re here because you had a positive result?”

“Yup” you sigh in response, throwing yourself heavily into the seat at his desk.

“Ok… So, I’ll get everything ready for the blood tests, while you get comfortable on the examining table” Doc. Davis instructs you.

“No need” you drawl out, throwing your head back against the seat, “I took five tests… they all came out positive…”

“Wow…” Doc. Davis chuckles, “then you definitely are pregnant…”

You let out a deep groan, “guess so…”

“Then in that case, I’d like to do an ultrasound to see if the pregnancy is progressing well” Doc. Davis informs you, “we’ll still be drawing blood though, just to check if everything is well with the both of you.”

“Ah… there we are…” the doctor announces, “you see that little fella there…” pointing towards what looks like a blob to you. “That’s your baby…”

You laid there dumbfounded while the doctor did his magic with the ultrasound wand. So, this is real? It’s truly happening? You’re pregnant, not only that; you’re pregnant with John’s baby… What the fuck am I going to do? John already can’t stand you at this moment, he’ll surely hate you even more for this.

“Fetal pole is present and baby seems to measuring up to date, I’d say you’re about seven weeks” the doctor informs you, “and now for the real magic…”

You’re suddenly brought out of your chaotic thoughts by loud, rapid sound waves echoing through the room. Staring at the monitor wide eyed, you turn to look at the doctor, “is that…”

“Yup…” he nods at you and smiles, “that’s your baby’s heartbeat. Strong and healthy too…” He pressed a few more buttons on the machine and then removes the wand from inside you, “you can get dressed while I go and arrange your next follow up with reception.”

Sitting behind the wheel of your car in your reserved parking bay at work, you silently stared at the printed picture of your baby’s ultrasound. My…baby… You silently think to yourself. I still can’t believe this is really happening… Oh-my-god… I’m going to be a mother…

You faintly smile at it then; you always wanted to be a mother, although this wasn’t how you had pictured it would happen… you found yourself becoming excited at this new adventure in your life. Regardless of the situation with John, this baby was yours and you planned on keeping it.

Staring one last time at the picture, you tuck it deep at the bottom of your handbag, getting out of the car to head inside.

“Hey, Y/L/N where ya been?” Jones asks as you enter the office.

Placing your bag and gun in the draw of your desk, you respond, “had an appointment I had to go to.”

Jones nods at you in responds and that’s when you notice John curiously staring at you. Please don’t interact with me right now… You silently plead. When he turns away to head in the opposite direction, you let out a sigh of relief.

Checking to see if the Captain was alone, you decide to that now was a good time as any to disclose your pregnancy to him.

“Hey, Captain…” you knock on his open office door, “could I have a word with you.”

“Sure, come on in…” he replies, “what can I do for you, Y/N?”

“Um…” you stammer a bit while closing the door, taking a seat at his desk, “I thought I should inform you; that I just came from the doctor’s and… I’m pregnant…”

“Wow…” the Captain blinks at you in surprise, “well, congratulations… you do know I have to report this to the higher ups?”

“I know, Sir” you nod at him, “I only have one requested though. Could this remain just between the two of us and the higher ups for now?”

“Sure” the Captain agrees, “I’ll assign you and Jones to risk free cases for now, but eventually you’ll be assigned to desk duty.”

“I understand, thank you, Sir” you reply getting up from your seat to leave.

“Y/N…” the Captain calls out to you before you open the door to leave, “once again; congratulations.”

You smile at him in response, “thank you, Sir.”

Once you had come to terms with becoming a mother, you drove head first into ensuring that this pregnancy would go smoothly; getting the prenatal vitamins the doctor had prescribed you and making some changes in your eating habits.

“Morning…” Dean yawned out, heading directly for the coffee as usual. “What heck is this poison?!” turning around from the stove, you notice Dean staring in disgust at the mug in his hand.

“Oh” you head to the coffee machine next to the one he had poured from, “that’s decaf…” you explain replacing the mug in his hand with the one you just poured, “this is normal.”

“Since when do we have two coffee makers?” Dean raised a brow at the two machines standing next to each other.

“Since just drinking herbal tea started making me miserable…” you answer him matter-of-factly.

“Ok… who are you? And what have you don’t to Y/N?” Dean arches a brow in suspicion at you.

“Ee…” you shrug, giving him an evil grin then, “maybe I’m her evil clone sent here from outer space to infiltrate and destroy mankind…”

“Don’t- do- that!” Dean physically shudders, looking at you bug-eyed, “you scare me when you do that… I almost believed you for a second.”

“Then stop being so nosey” you chuckle at his response.

As the days went by, you truly started feeling pregnant once the nausea had kicked in. Luckily for you though it wasn’t full-on morning sickness, so it was manageable for you to hide from everyone.

“Nah, this ain’t right!” you hear Jones moaning while going through paperwork at his desk, “we keep getting all these crap cases, with no action at all. Y/L/N, what do you think about this crap?”

“Huh?” your head pops up from behind your computer as you blankly scan the room in confusion. “I guess so…” you shrug, popping a saltine cracker in your mouth.

Jones raises a brow at you, “that all you got to say?”

“Mhm-yep…” you mumble with a mouth full of cracker.

“Are you on some sort of diet or something?” Jones suddenly asks.

Taking a sip of your seltzer water to wash the cracker down, you look at him, “why do you ask?”

“Because, you’ve been eating that flavourless crap whole day for the past few days now” Jones answers you.

“Something of the sort, yeah” you reply.

“You need to eat real food, Girly or you’re going to make yourself sick” Jones remarks in disapproval, sounding every bit the middle-aged man that he was.

“I’ll be fine…” you shrug it off with a chuckle, suddenly pausing mid chuckle when you notice; John staring at you with narrowed eyes as if he was trying to figure something out.

“Y/L/N!” you hear the Captain call out your name from his office doorway, “I need to see you for a second.”

A bit confused at why the Captain needed to see you, you enter his office with a nervous frown. “Is something wrong, Captain?”

“No. Not really” he responds with a sigh of regret, “but I’m afraid that I’ll have to bench you sooner than we thought.”

You look at him in surprise then, “what? Why?”

“The others are starting to complain about the high workload being given to them and Jones is complaining about the lack of it” he explains to you.

“I understand…” you drop your head in defeat at the fact that you could no longer avoid the inevitable.

“I’m sorry about this, Kiddo but I have to be fair towards everyone” he looks at you apologetically, “and I also have to make sure that you’re not in any dangerous situations during this pregnancy.”

Nodding at him in understanding, you get up from your seat with sigh, “guess I’ll get started on my new duties…”

“Y/N, hold on...” the Captain stops you from leaving. “There’s something I think you might be interested in. An old buddie of mine called me up recently from Tulsa. They’re opening up an O.C unit, which he’ll be captaining and he was wondering if I could recommend one of my people for the Sergeant’s position.”

“Ok…” you stare at him, a bit puzzled at where he was going with this conversation.

“I recommended you” he informs you.

“B-But I don’t have a sergeants rank” you respond, surprised at what he was telling you, “and I’m pregnant.”

“I know that…” the Captain smirks at your response, “I informed him about it all and he’s still interested in having you as his second. You’re one of my best detectives, all you have to do is take the Sergeants exam and then you’ll be set.”

“I’m honoured that you thought about me for the position” you reply, “but… I’m not sure…”

“Just think on it for a bit” the Captain suggests, “it’s a greater opportunity for you, especially now with a baby on the way.”

Biting your lip in thought, you then nod, “I’ll think about it.”

A Few Days Later

“Morning…” a still half-asleep Dean enter the kitchen with a yawn.

“Good morning, Bubble-butt…” you greet him while tenting to breakfast at the stove.

“Say… what’s this?” you suddenly here him ask out of the blue.

“What?” you turn around to find him staring at your open laptop.

“Are taking the Sergeants exam?” Dean looks up at you in surprise at seeing the opened police manual on your laptop screen.

“Maybe” you shrug, “still thinking about it.”

“Is Harris retiring?” Dean then asks you.

“Nope” you answer.

“Then why are thinking of taking the exam?” Dean looks at you confused, “unless…” his face then shows one of revelation, “are you transferring out?”

“There’s an opening coming up that I was offered” you explain to him, “but it hasn’t been decided yet.”

“Where?” Dean presses for more details, “does Dad know?”

“Can’t tell ya” you answer with a shake of your head, “at least not until I’ve decided. John doesn’t know, no body else but you and the Captain knows and I’d to keep it that way for now.”

“Ok… fine…” Dean huffs out all sulky, “but I wanna be the first to know once you’ve decided.”

With a huge smile on your face, lifting your palm up; you then spit in it and extend the hand out to Dean, “DEAL.”

“I hate it when we have to do these…” Dean pulls a face as he does the same.

“You’re the one started it in the first place” you chuckle at the look on his face as stared at his now spit covered hand.

“Yeah, but that was when we were in the academy and we were mostly drunk when we did it” Dean remarks, physically shuddering as he goes to wash his hands at the sink.

“Fair enough…” you continue to chuckle for a bit longer at him.

Thursday

“Happy- Birthday- to- you-” you entered Dean’s bedroom singing, a piece of pie with a candle in it and a cup of coffee in hand.

“Aww… thank you SIS” Dean smiles at you as he blew out the candle.

“My pleasure, Butthead…” you respond, placing a kiss on his forehead, “breakfast will be ready in 10.”

“You got any aspirin?!” Dean calls out to from the hallway.

“Bathroom medicine cabinet!” you call out in response, regretting those words the instant you said them. You had forgotten that was also the place you kept your prenatal vitamins.

“Dean, wait!” you call out, rushing to your room to stop him from seeing them, but it was too late.

“Err… what are these?” you find a surprised looking Dean standing in your bathroom holding the box in his hand.

“T-That’s nothing” you nervously answer, silently trying to figure a way out of this predicament.

“Really??” Dean arches a brow at you, placing a hand on his hip in a sassy manner, “because there’s a pregnant woman on the box and it clearly says; for pregnant woman. Y/N, are you pregnant?”

Grabbing the box with a sigh, “come on...” you nod for him to follow you to the kitchen.

“Eat your breakfast and I’ll explain everything in a minute” you instruct Dean as you get water to take your vitamins.

Grabbing your breakfast, you take a seat next to Dean, “to answer your question; yes, I am pregnant” you remark, taking a bit of food thereafter.

Dean stares at you with a blank daze for second, “was it that dude from the bar?”

You burst out laughing at his question, “honey, I’m almost twelve weeks. That’s highly impossible.”

“Ok…” Dean seems quite confused then, “do I know the guy?”

Yes. It’s your father. I silently answer in my head. With a faint smile, you reply, “No, was a once off thing.”

“So, you��re doing this on your own?” Dean responds with a frown.

“Yes” you answer.

“Don’t worry” Dean grabs your hand, “I’ll be here for you.”

“Dean, you don’t have to” you tell him.

“Nope” Dean waves his hand in the air to silence your protests, “what kind of BROTHER would I be if I wasn’t there for my SIS in her time of need.”

“Thank you” you smile at him, tears welling up in your eyes.

With a huge smile on his face, Dean excitedly hollers out, “I’m gonna be an UNCLE! Hell yeah!”

Softly chuckling at Dean’s goofiness, you allow him to hug you once more while in the back of your mind you were thinking. No, honey. You’re going to be a big BROTHER again.

Later That Evening

You were feeling miserable with your nausea kicking your ass, but no matter how terrible you felt, you couldn’t pull out of Pub night tonight; not with-it being Dean’s birthday.

You were slouched over the table, head rested in one hand as you lazily snacked on the bowl of salted pretzels in front of you.

“You ok, Y/N/N?” Sam looks at you in concern.

“Huh?” you look up at him.

“You’re aren’t eating any birthday pie” Sam points out, “you just seem to be drowning yourself in those pretzels.”

“It’s probably for the nausea” Dean remarks around a mouth full of pie. “Ouch!” he suddenly cries out when you kick him from underneath the table, sending him a death glare.

Dean’s eyes then widen when he realizes the slipup he had just made. You had made him promise to keep your pregnancy a secret for now from everyone, including Sam and John.

“Nausea?” Sam tilts his in confusion.

“Haven’t being feeling well these past for days” you quickly try to brush it off.

“That’s not good, Y/N/N” Sam looks at you highly concerned now, “have you been to a doctor?”

“Maybe if she got her ass up from that desk she’s been lazing behind then she would be healthier” John sneers out as he glared at you.

“That’s it!” you jump up from your seat, glaring down at John, “I’ve had enough of your fucking bullshit attitude towards me! I thought getting reassigned from you would lessen it, but I guess I was wrong!”

“So, you’re the reason I got stuck with that pussy of a rookie” John smirks at you vindictively, “guess you were too much of a cry-baby that you had to go run to the Captain and complain about 'mean-old John'.”

Shutting your eyes and taking a deep breath, you then open them to look at John once again. “You know what, I don’t have to take this from you anymore and don’t plan doing it for long either.” Grabbing your bag, you turn to Dean, “Happy Birthday, Bub. I’m going to leave before it gets spoilt any further.”

“Seriously, Dad!” Dean glares at his father as Y/N walks away, “did you have to be such an asshole?”

“Watch your mouth, Boy” John warns him with a glare.

“No, Dad” Sam then jumps in, “Dean’s right, you were being a total ass toward Y/N.”

“I was only stating the truth” John shrugs in response, taking a sip of his drink while both his sons stare at him in disappointment.

The next day after the huge blowout between John and yourself, you made the decision to take yourself out of the picture with the Winchesters. You loved Dean and Sam like they were your own siblings but you just couldn’t stand being around their father anymore.

Whatever bit of love you had left for John Winchester had died that night, the man despised you that was clear to see. So, for your own mental health and that of your baby’s you decided to go to your Captain and inform him that you were going to take the Sergeants exam, as well as the job in Tulsa.

After weeks of completely ignoring John; avoiding any and all interaction with him, you throw all your energy into studying and finally taking the Sergeants exam. Dean of course knew about it and that you were going to take the position offered to you, but what he didn’t know; was that it was in another State, you planned on telling him once the time for you to move was nearer.

You were well into your second trimester by this time, so you had begun to wear more looser clothing in order to hide your bump while outside your apartment.

The one thing you were grateful for was that you could freely walk around your apartment without having to hide your pregnancy. After the night of Dean’s birthday, both he and Sam had apologized for their father’s bad behaviour. You of course didn’t hold the BOYS responsible for something they didn’t do, you even allowed Sam in on your secret. He of course was just as excited about it as Dean was to play UNCLE, they both also came to the decision that, John should no longer be allowed to come around the apartment, as stress wasn’t good for you and the baby.

The day had finally come and you had been called in by your Captain; whom happily congratulated and informed you that you passed your Sergeants exam, and that they were eagerly awaiting your arrival in Tulsa in two weeks’ time.

That same night, you arranged a dinner evening with Dean and Sam to inform them about your moving.

“Guys” you speak up to get their attention.

Both of them then look up from their plates to stare at you. “What’s up?” Dean curiously stares at you.

Taking a deep breath, you then continue, “the reason why I called for tonight’s dinner was to inform you that I passed the Sergeants exam and that I’m taking the new position I was offered.”

“Why, Y/N/N, that awesome!” Sam gasps out in excitement, “congratulation!”

“Thank you…” you mutter out, your eyes dropping in somewhat saddest that you were leaving behind the people that you considered to be FAMILY.

“Wait…” Dean furrows his brows in suspicious, “there’s something you’re not telling us.”

“Yes…” you sadly sigh, looking up to them again, “the position, it’s in Tulsa…”

“What?!” both of them yell out at once.

“Shh…” you tell them, “inside-voice, fellas…”

“Sorry” Dean responds in apology, “but did you just say, that you’re moving to Tulsa?”

“Yes” you answer matter-of-factly.

“Why??” Sam stares at you in confusion.

“Because it's a great opportunity” you answer, “especially with a baby on the way.”

“But that means we won’t be around when the baby is born” Dean responds, looking genuinely hurt at the idea.

“You guys can always come visitor” you try to lessen the blow for them.

“But it won’t be the same-” Dean whines out like a little child, “I wanted to witness you becoming a whale first-hand…”

You gasp out, slapping Dean up against the head, “Dumbass.”

“But I’m your Dumbass-” he remarks with a smirk.

“That you are…” you chuckle out as he gets up to pull you in for a hug.

Sam then looks at you, saddest clearly in his eyes as well, “we’re really happy for you, Y/N/N. We’ll miss you, but we understand that you have to do what’s best for you.”

“Aww… Sammy-” you start to tear up, “come over here, you big lug” you motion for him to get in on the hug.

“Does Dad know?” Dean suddenly asks and you physically finch at the question.

“Dean…” Sam scolds at him.

“It’s ok, Sam” you faintly smile at the both of them, “no one in the squadron knows yet. I asked the Captain to wait until tomorrow to make the announcement, wanted you guys to know first.”

“Are you planning on telling him about the baby?” Sam inquires.

“No” you state matter-of-factly, “he can’t stand the look of me as it is, so why should I tell him. You guys can tell him once I’m gone if you want to though, just please wait until I’m gone.”

“Fair enough” both boys agree.

Next Day

To say you were a bit nervous when entering your unit office this morning would be an understatement; today the Captain will be announcing to the entire squadron about your transfer.

You were seated at your desk for only a few minutes after stepping into the office when you noticed the Captain step out of his office.

“Attention everyone, I have a announce to make!” he calls out to the open office floor. Everyone turns their attention towards him them. “Y/L/N, can you please here” the Captain calls you over to his side.

Everyone was looking at you then as you walked over to him, you feeling quite jittery as you stood by his side. “I would like to inform you all that our very own, Y/N over here…” the Captain then pulls you into a side hug while smiling, “has made Sergeant.”

The room is then filled with clapping and cheering as you politely smiled at everyone. “Hold on, that’s not all!” the Captain speaks up for them to quiet down. “as much as this pains me to say” he pauses for second and then continues, “the next two weeks will be Y/N’s last here with us, as she’ll be starting her new position in Tulsa as Sergeant in their new O.C unit.”

There was a huge silence in the room as everyone seemed surprised at the news of you leaving, but the one person’s face that showed far more shock than the others was; John. That’s right asshole, you silently smirked, you won’t be seeing my cry-baby self for much longer.

John found himself completely stunned as he heard the Captain say that Y/N was not only leaving the unit but that she was leaving the state as well. Not being able to properly process the information, John blindly rushes out of the office in order to lower his heartrate at the panic of loosing Y/N. She was leaving… she was leaving the unit, leaving the city, leaving the state and even worse; she was leaving him…

When John finally came to his senses he was driving, where to? He wasn’t exactly sure. Still not able to process all that he had heard, John pulls over in order to call Dean.

“Hey, Dad…” Dean answers the phone.

“Did you know about Y/N?” John immediately asks Dean.

“Uh… what exactly are you referring to?” Dean asks, treading carefully as not to accidently let slip of Y/N’s pregnancy if that wasn’t what John was referring to.

“Her moving to Tulsa” John growls out in frustration.

“Oh, that” Dean responds, “yeah, she told us about it last night.”

“Us?” John enquires.

“Sammy and I” Dean replies.

“And you didn’t think to maybe let me know about it?” John growls out at what he thought was a betray on his boys’ part for keeping him out of the loop.

“Well, you were such a dick to her lately” Dean responds, “thought you wouldn’t care to know.”

“She’s been my partner for the past five years” John snaps at him, “of course I’d want to know!”

“Didn’t seem like that was the situation of late” Dean mutters, “she believes you hate her.”

“I don’t hate her…” John whispers out softly, shocked to hear what Y/N thought.

“Well, you sure have some way of showing that you don’t” Dean remarks.

She thinks I hate her? SHIT. Truth was, that he was mad at himself for not being man enough to step-up and tell her how he truly felt about her. Truth was, John was madly in love with Y/N, something that he hadn’t left since the day he lost Mary and that scared the hell out of him. Could he open his heart up again and run the risk of having it torn out again? That was something that constantly ate at him, John feared loving someone again only to have her ripped away from him. This time though things were different, because the one ripping Y/N away from him was himself; he pushed her too far with his inner struggles, he pushed away the woman that he loved.

John lets out a heavy sigh, “I have to go, son” ending the call.

You had taken a half day from work in order to prepare for your move to Tulsa; first you went to your doctor to see to having your medical records transferred for the rest of the duration of your pregnancy, thereafter you headed to the bank.

You were standing in line, awaiting your turn when suddenly two masked men came rushing in; guns waving about. “Everyone put your hands up and nobody move!” the one robber yells out.

Doing your best to remain calm, you do exactly what they had instructed; the cop in you struggling to remain dormant as the mother in you took control, knowing you had to do everything in your power to ensure the safety of your unborn child.

“Everyone, take out your phones and wallets!” the one robber instructs and everyone obeys, “now I want you to toss ��em on the floor and then my partner is gonna come around to collect all your jewellery and wallets! Don’t try anything stupid or I’ll shoot you!”

You do as told and when it was your turn, you remove whatever jewellery you were wearing and toss it in the bag that the robber held out in front of you.

“Hey!” the robber then begins waving his gun in your face, pointing toward the silver chain that was sticking out from underneath your shirt, “didn’t my partner just say, all of your jewellery?”

Staring down at it, you then calmly look him in the eyes, “that’s not jewellery.”

“Bullshit! Then what is it huh?!” he snaps at you, reaching out to pull it out from your shirt. “FUCK!” his eyes widen in shock once his sees your badge daggling from it.

“What?!” his partner yells out in confusion.

“She’s a fucking cop!” he responds.

“What the fuck?!” his partner begins to visibly panic, “SHIT! You got a gun on you?”

Remaining calm, you reply, “yeah.”

“Ok…” he mutters out, becoming more agitated by the second, “take it out real… slowly… and hand it over to my partner.”

Calmly exhaling, you slowly reach for your shoulder holster that was hidden inside your coat to remove your gun. As you unholster and pull it out, you suddenly hear the loud bang of a gun going off, along with those of people screaming out in fear. Your eyes are wide with shock as you feel a warm, burning sensation in your chest.

“What the fuck?!” the robber standing in front of you cries out, looking at his partner in shock and then back at you.

Slowly your eyes drop downward to your chest, and that’s when you realized; that you were the one that was shot. Your knees suddenly give out from under you as you drop to the floor, your hand clutched at the wound in order to stop the bleeding.

“You shot her!” the robber stares at his partner, “you shot a fucking cop!” He then looks down at you on the floor and that’s when he notices your bump, “FUCK! She’s pregnant! You shot a pregnant cop!”

“She was about to draw on us!” his partner yells out in a hyped panic.

“No, she wasn’t!” the robber yells back at his partner, “she was handing it over, like you ordered her to do, you idiot!”

“Well, she moved too fast for my liking. How was I supposed to know!” his partner argues back.

“Shit! This place is going to be crawling with cops soon” the robber remarks in a state of panic, “lets get the fuck out of here!”

You laid there on the cold floor; bleeding and in pain, trying your best to remain calm and not panic as the fear for your baby’s life took over. As you felt yourself become weaker, the fact that you might be dying and might never get the chance to say goodbye to the BOYS ran through you mind. But what haunted you the most was; that John would never know how much you TRULY loved him, that he would never get to meet his child. The tears were flowing down your cheeks as you fought to stay alive, but your eyes soon began to feel heavy and suddenly there was nothing but darkness.

“Where’s Winchester?!” the Captain rushes out of his office in a panic.

“I think he went to take a leak” Jones answers from behind his desk, looking confused as he watches the Captain sprint down the hallway.

“John! Thank God…” the Captain exhales breathlessly as he catches John exiting the men’s bathroom.

“Captain?” John stares at him in concern, “are you ok?”

“I’m fine…” he exhales, waving his hand, “but we need to get to the hospital…”

“Why? What happened?” John looks at him in confusion.

“There was a shooting an-” he tries to explain but gets cut off by John. “Dean?!” John stares at him in panic.

“No…” the Captain shakes his head.

“Sam?” John asks then, at a loss to what was going now.

“No, it’s not your boys” the Captain responds, “it’s Y/N, she’s been shot.”

“What?!” John stares at him in shock, all colour drained from his face, “b-but… she went home early… how?”

“She did” the Captain replies, “there was an attempted robbery at the bank that she was in.”

Not even hearing the Captain’s words anymore, John rushes to his desk; grabbing his keys and runs out of the office.

“What’s up with Winchester?” Jones asks the Captain as he watched John running out like he was being chased by the devil himself.

“Y/N’s been shot in an attempted bank robbery” the Captain explains, heading to grab his own keys.

“Excuse me…” John rushes towards the hospital emergency reception desk out of breath, “has a Detective Y/L/N been brought in? Gunshot victim.”

“And you are?” the nurse enquires.

“I’m here partner” John replies, flashing his badge at her.

“She was brought in five minutes ago” the nurse responds, “they’re working on her as we speak to save both her and the baby.”

“Baby??” John echoes, stunned at her words.

“Yes” the nurse nods, “according to medical records she’s about five months pregnant.”

Five months? The undercover job were they… that means…

John’s thoughts are then interrupted by the arrival of the Captain, along with Dean and Sam.

“Dad!” Dean rushes up to him, “how’s she doing?”

“I don’t know…” John lets out a tense breath, “I was told that they’re still working on her.”

As they all waited for the news as to how Y/N was, John silently sat in a corner; mulling over what the nurse had told him. Was I really that bad? John thinks to himself. Was he really that horrible for Y/N to decide to hide her pregnancy from him. Choosing to move to another state rather than have him be a father to her child. He knew the baby was his, there was no doubt about it. The question now was; would he ever get the chance to be a father to that child and will he ever get the chance to tell Y/N that he LOVED her.

It was well over two hours when a doctor came to speak with them. “Are you here for Detective Y/L/N?” the doctor asks.

“Yes, how is she?” the Captain asks.

“It was touch-and-go for a while but we managed to stop the bleeding” the doctors explained, “had the bullet gone a few cm’s to the right, she wouldn’t have been so lucky…”

John exhaled a breath of relief that she was ok, but then he remembered…

“And the BABY?” Dean suddenly asks, causing John to wheel around in surprise.

“You knew she was pregnant?” John stares at him in disbelief.

“Yes” Dean guiltily drops his head.

“And you didn’t tell me?!” John excuses him.

“It’s not Dean’s fault, Dad” Sam defends his brother, “she asked us not to… said we could once she had left for Tulsa.”

“You knew too?!” John looks to Sam with a betrayed face.

“Of course…” Sam stares back at him in confusion.

“I’m guessing you knew too” John glares at the Captain, “of course you knew! That’s why you benched her.”

“Look Dad, it was Y/N’s decision not to tell you and her right as well” Sam tries to make John see reason.

“What about my rights?!” John snares at him, “I had a right to know!”

Dean looks at his father in confusion, “why would you- OH…” his eyes widen once the dots have connected. “Five months ago, you and Y/N were alone undercovering… that means… it’s you… you’re the FATHER of Y/N’s baby.”

“Honestly, I’m not surprised…” the Captain chuckles out, “all my years, I’ve never seen partners so close and completely in sync as you two were.”

“I’m not surprised either” Sam smirks, John then arches a brow at him and he continues on, “I always knew she had feelings for you. I could see it in her eyes, especially on those nights you’d leave the Pub with a woman. I could see the heartbreak.”

John physically flinches at Sam’s remark, hating himself for having caused Y/N so much pain.

All this time when he was picking up random women in a quest to distract himself of his want for Y/N, he was in actual fact hurting her far worst than he could have possibly have known. John had no idea that Y/N felt the same for him as he did her. If he had known; those women would never even had been in existence for him then, she would have been the ONLY woman to exist for him. Truth be told, after having been with her… no one was good enough; no other woman could get his mind off of her. The last woman had slept with was Y/N, he had tried to get her off his mind with that blonde that evening but with just one kiss; John knew that he wouldn’t be able to get himself to sleep with her no matter how hard he tried. Because there was only one woman that he wanted and that woman was; Y/N.

“So, I was the only one that didn’t see this coming?” Dean looks dumbfounded by it all.

“That’s because you’re an idiot” Sam answers with a snicker, “and you two are as close as siblings and you wouldn’t have thought of her and Dad in such a manner.”

Dean pauses deep in thought, then nods in agreement, “true…”

John shakes his head at his sons in amusement, then turns to the doctor, “when can we see her?”

“She’s still under sedation but should come around in the half an hour or so, you can go in to see her though” the doctor answers.

“Thank you doctor…” John responds and heads for Y/N’s room.

Opening her eyes, Y/N finds herself lying on a bed in an unfamiliar bedroom.

Getting up from the bed, you look around the room, “where am I?” you ask out loudly in confusion, letting out a gasp upon catching your reflection in the mirror. “Why am I not pregnant anymore?!” you yell out in panic, clutching your middle, “where’s my baby?!”

Rushing out of the bedroom, stopping in your tracks when you’re standing in a hallway. Slowly you begin to walk it as you look at the pictures hanging on the walls; pictures of the BOYS when they were little, the ones of Dean and you graduating the academy, other pictures that you had taken with the Boys and John over the years. But it was the ones after those that had you at a puzzled shock, they were of John and you together, they were wedding pictures; your and John’s wedding. The two of you were lovingly staring at each other as you stood in front of a church, then there was a second with the Boys standing next to the two of you. The next were of a smiling John standing behind a heavily pregnant you as he rested his chin on your head while cradling your belly in the palm of his hands. The final one was a picture of you; lying in a hospital bed, John had his head rested against yours while you both were staring down and smiling at the baby sleeping on your chest.

Tearfully smiling at the picture, you reach out to touch it when suddenly you hear a sound coming from down the hall. Your curiosity getting the better of you, you move towards the sound to see what it was.

Reaching the slightly closed door, you slowly push it open and there sitting in a rocking chair across from you was; John gently cradling a bundle in his arms as he rocked back and forth in the chair.

“You’re awake…” John smiles at you, stretching his hand out, “come here SWEETHEART.”

“Is that?” you ask staring at the bundle he was holding.

“She finally fell asleep, but I think she was looking for her MAMA, that’s why she was so fussy” John replies.

“She??” you look at John in surprise as you stepped closer to them.

Just as you reached them, you suddenly felt the room begin to spin. “What’s happening?!” you clutch at your head, “John!” you try to grab onto him as you felt yourself slowly slipping away….

You let out a soft moan as your eyes slowly fluttered opened, “where am I?” remembering the shooting, your first reaction was to reach for your stomach and that’s when you realize that someone was holding your hand. “John?”

“You’re awake…” John gently smiles, lifting your hand up and kissing it.

“W-What are you doing here?” you pull your hand away, confused at his sudden change in behaviour.

“We came as soon as we heard what happened” John answers, looking slightly disappointed at your reaction towards him.

“We?” you ask.

“The Captain and the Boys are outside, only one person was allowed while we waited for you to wake up” John explains, “I’ll go get them.”

“Hey sleepy head…” Dean smiles at you.

“Glad to see you’re awake” the Captain smiles at you as well.

Looking behind him, you see Sam silently studying you with a worried look oh his face. “Sammy?”

“You ok?” he asks, a faint smile on his face as you reach out your hand for him to come closer.

“I’m fine…” you answer grabbing hold of his hand.

Turning to Dean with your over hand, you grab hold of his hand, “the ba-”

“The baby is fine…. According to the doctors; she’s a fighter, just like her mother” John answers before you could even finish your sentence.

“She??” you look at him surprised that the dream you had about the baby being girl was correct.

“It’s a girl, yes” John smiles at you.

“Guess that we’ll have to redo that custom-made onesie we had made for her” Dean suddenly remarks.

“What do you mean?” you stare at him puzzled.

“Well it says on the front; ‘My Uncles got my back, so don’t mess with me’ and at the back is a picture of Sam and I” Dean replies, “but now we’ll have to change it to; ‘My BROTHERS got my back.”

Your eyes widen at him in shock, “how did you find out?”

“Your five months pregnant, it wasn’t that hard to figure out” John mutters out, staring at you like a wounded animal.

“I think that the two of you have some things to discuss, so I’m going to go” the Captain speaks up, “glad that you and the baby are safe.”

“Yeah… we’re gonna go too” Dean remarks as well, “we’ll drop by later again.”

The room was awkwardly silent once they all had left, neither you nor John saying a word. Placing a hand on your stomach, you suddenly smile when feeling the baby kick at it.

“What it?” John looks at you in concern, “what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, she just kicked” you answer smiling at the fact that she was alive and well.

“C-Can I feel?” John looks to you with a pleading look.

Silently staring at him for a second, you then let out a sigh and nod at him to go ahead.

Very nervously, yet carefully, John slowly reaches out his hand to place on your stomach. The baby then begins kicking up a storm against his hand and John lets out a soft laugh of be-wonderment and you give a faint smirk at it.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he stares up at you.

“You hated me…” you shrug, “didn’t think you’d care to know.”

“I don’t hate you…” John sighs out, “I could never hate you.”

“Well you’ve been treating me like shit these past months” you remark, “what else could it be.”

“I was mad at myself and took it out on you” John responds, ashamed at his past behaviour, “I’m sorry for making you think that I hated you.”

“Why were you mad at yourself?” you ask confused by what he was telling you.

“Because I couldn’t tell you how I truly felt” John answers.

“Felt about what?” you press him further.

“About you… how I felt about you” John reaches up to cup your cheek, “I LOVE you, Y/N. I have for years… since the very first day I met you.”

“Well you had a funny way of showing it” you look at him with tears in your eyes, “flaunting women in front of me.”

“I was only with them to get you off of my mind” John tells you, “I knew that we could never be because of your close relationship with the Boys. That you would never see me as anything else but your partner and the father of those that you considered as your brothers.”

“I thought the same thing about you…” you softly whisper out.

John softly caresses your cheek, “the first time, when I took you up against the wall… it wasn’t because I figured out they were keeping tabs on us. It was because I was jealous at how that asshole was flirting with you.”

“What?” you look at him in surprise.

“I couldn’t fight it anymore” John faintly smiles at you, “and all the other times after. I hated myself for using the job as an excuse but I was on cloud nine because I got to be with you. Heck, after that, no other woman could compare to you after that.”

“Until that blonde you took home” you remark, pulling away from his caress.

“I didn’t sleep with her” John responds.

“Yeah right” you snort out at him, “you couldn’t get her out of the Pun fast enough.”

“It’s true” John tells you, “we never even made it to my car before she kissed me and I realized she wasn’t you. Besides, I only struck up a conversation with her to make you jealous after the way you were flirting with that guy.”

“I wasn’t flirting him” you defend yourself, “he was flirting and I was trying not to be rube.”

“Well you slow danced with him” John looks at you accusingly.

“That’s because you brought that bimbo over to our table and I wanted to make you jealous.”

John then starts laughing, “look at the two of us… acting like teenagers; trying to make each other jealous because we couldn’t make ourselves admit our feelings…”

“We do sound kind of sound stupid, yeah…” you begin laughing as well. You then look at him with a more serious face, “so… you LOVE me…”

John grins at you, “I do… and you?”

Shyly biting into your lip, you grin back at him, “I LOVE you too…”

“That might be the second-best news I’ve gotten in a long time” John smiles at you.

“Second?” you look at him disappointed, “what was the first then?”

John smiles at your reaction, placing a hand on your stomach then, “finding out that you were carrying OUR little girl.”

Your eyes begin to tear up then as you stared at him. “Aww… SWEETHEART don’t cry…” John console you, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“So, where do we go from here?” you stare up into his eyes.

“First, we get you healed up” John declares, “then you and I are getting married, so that we’ll be a real FAMILY. That’s if you’ll have me.”

“I’ll have your dumbass, yeah…” you smile at him.

“But I’m your dumbass…” John smiles back at you.

“That you are…” you respond pulling him down for a kiss.

Three Years Later

John and you stood silently on the back porch of your house as the two of your watched Dean and Sam playing with their little sister.

“What’s on your mind?” John asks, stepping behind you to rest his chin on your head.

“That I’m actually kind of glad I got shot that day” you respond.

“Seriously?” John arches a brow down at you.

“I know it sounds a bit crazy…” you chuckle, “but if it hadn’t happened, then I would have left for Tulsa and this…” you nod towards the scene in front of you, “you and me, along with Katie and the Boys, being a family… it never would have been a possibility.”

“Do you regret not going to Tulsa and taking that promotion?” John asks seeming a bit uneasy.

Tilting your head up to look at John, you cup his cheek, “of course not. I could never regret choosing OUR family.”

Smiling down at you, John reaches down to caress your belly, “how’s our little guy doing?”

“He’s doing fine, just kicking the heck out of me” you respond with a groan.

“He’s a Winchester, what do you expect…” John chuckled.

“He definitely is your son…” you chuckle as well.

“I love you, MRS. WINCHESTER…” John smiles down at you.

“I love you too, Mr Winchester…” you respond smiling as John captured your lips in a kiss.

Breaking the kiss, “how’s work?” you ask him.

“Well…” John’s exhales deeply, “it’s been some getting used to, but I’m ok with it. Things just weren’t the same without you as my partner, so I’m happy with where I am now.”

After the shooting John and you had both agreed that maybe it was best for you to retire. John out of fear of possibly losing you again with the danger of the job and because you didn’t want him to have to go through the heartache of losing another wife and having to raise your child on his own. And as luck would have it, a few months after that, Harris had retired as Sergeant and John got promoted; turns out the jerk had taken the exam years ago but chose to remain in the position he was. Luck would happen again the begin of this year, as the Captain decided to retire and he made sure to push for John to take over from him.

“Aww… you miss me that much PARTNER?” you coo at him in amusement.

“We’re PARTNERS IN CRIME, sweetheart” John grins down at you.

“And now, PARTNERS IN LIFE” you smile back at him.

John presses his forehead against yours, “PARTNERS FOREVER…”

tags: @melixson @regalbanshee

#john winchester #john winchester x you #john winchester x reader #detective john winchester #detective reader #supernatural #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #JDM

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finelinevogue · 3 years ago

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I love your “little moments” series… I have a weak spot for dad!Harry💕 and I love the relationship between the family’s members 🤗 and I really hope u will continue to update it! And for this series I would like to request Harry doing the 73 questions interview for Vogue and his kids and wife make an appearance (u can choose if the kids are toddlers or teens) and they even answer some questions OR an Howard Stern interview where Harry is asked about his family,maybe the host makes like not so nice-low key shady comments on his wife and on Harry’s daughter coming out story. Ok I’ m done, so sorry ik it’s so long 😅 it’s just I love your series sooo muchhh 🥰🥰 ok I’m done love u have a good day 😘

i’d love to answer this one!! thank you so much for loving my little series💕this one’s for you and for the other request i got which i’m combing with this: “Harry is doing a interview on facetime when his kid crashes the interview.” so pls enjoy and yeah enjoy;

oli - 6, felix - 4, belle - 1

The day had finally arrived for Harry Styles to complete the 73 Questions with Vogue.

It had come to be the promo for ‘Don’t Worry Darling’ and his schedule was booked with interview after interview after interview, and it wasn’t ideal for this to all be happening months whilst also having to look after three meddling toddlers, one of whom had only recently turned 1 years old.

The house was chaos. Fun, but chaos. And it was also the setting of this interview.

“Alright you lot, this way.” You shoved your children along to your living room, giving Harry the space he needed with Joe Sabia - the interviewer.

“Thank you love, see you later.” He blew a kiss to you and returned his focus to Joe. This interview was the first of many and it was also a major marketing ploy. These types of interviews were so highly recommended for Harry to be involved in and Jeff had thought it was about time for him to do one.

Joe had arrived around 15 minutes ago, just to

run over the script and remind Harry of the pre-determined questions - which reminded him of the answers that you’d run through with him the night before. Now the cameras were set up, the mic people were all at stand-by and Joe was ready it was time to begin. The children had been so fascinated by all these new people, after not seeing anyone for months due to the coronavirus pandemic, which is why it took a lot of trouble to get them to shuffle away from their beloved dad.

A fake door knock arose.

“Harry Styles hello!”

“Hi!” Harry waved at the camera.

“I’m here to do the Vogue 73 Questions, shall we get to it?”

“Of course! Come in!” Harry welcomed Joe into the house and shut the door behind him, not trusting his little ones to not escape if they were running wild.

“Beautiful house! Is it your only one?”

“No, but it’s my only one in London.” Harry made a point of not exploiting how many houses he did have and where they were. In fact, you still didn’t know about the Island that he was currently investing in just for you. You were a huge conservation activist and so Harry thought you could spend your free time helping the fragile ecosystem on this island.

“Did you design it yourself?”

“Me and my wife built the plans, but we go the experts to finish it all off.”

“What’s your favourite room?”

“Um, probably the living room.”

“Why?”

“So many of my favourite memories have happened in there.”

“Could you give us some?”

Harry could give loads, but they were far too precious for him to just give away. The living room wasn’t even a massive room, it was quite quaint with a couple of sofas, a logwood fire and then rugs and paintings on the walls. It was a home within a home. It was where Felix had taken his first steps. It was where Oli had spoken his first words. It was where Belle had fallen over for the first time and given herself nasty carpet burn. It was where presents were opened at Christmas. It was where you and Harry had made love next to the fire. It was where Felix and Oli had had their first tiny argument. It was where you spent family nights. If your house was a map then that room marked X the spot.

It was treasure. Priceless.

“My favourite would probably be when my wife, Y/N, spilt red wine all over the new white carpet and then proceeded to throw white wine over the stain because she’d read somewhere that it helps to get rid of it.” Harry chuckled at the memory.

“Did it?”

“No, God no. The carpet’s grey now.”

Joe laughed, as did Harry.

“I have to say Harry, you’re looking very fashionable today who are you wearing?”

“Gucci.” He blushed, because he knew that everyone would’e known that without question. He was wearing a lilac silk shirt with his name embroidered on it - but really it was to symbolise your last name not his - with a white wife-beater shirt and white shorts. He looked rich.

“Shouldn’t have asked really? Is your wife as much a Gucci avid fan?”

“She hates anything expensive. I think she still wears the same jeans she was wearing at university!” He knew you’d hit him later for saying that.

“So she’s a hoarder?”

“God yeah. She keeps everything and anything.” Harry laughed in admiration.

“Has she always been?”

“Always. When we went on our first date, her bag was so full that she couldn’t find her purse and she was so embarrassed because she thought I would think she was taking advantage of who I was. Anyways I did end up paying that night, but she had actually, I don’t know how, sent me money for her portion of the bill. From that moment I knew it was going to be her.”

“Do you write songs about her?

“Every day.” He smiled at the thought of the one he’d written just this morning.

“Which one is your favourite about her?”

“I don’t know about favourite, but the one I hold closest to my heart is probably ‘Fine Line’.” Harry stopped there, not wanting to share the intimate details of why and Joe respected that.

“Do your children have a favourite song of yours?”

“They go crazy for Kiwi and Golden. Belle loves Treat People and Oli knows the dance to that one actually.”

“Did you choreograph the dance for TPWK?”

“Partially, but I had help from my friend Paul and Y/N helped too actually.”

Harry and Joe had now made it through the house, weaving in and out of rooms, until they had made it to the Garden. Unfortunately, you’d forgotten to shut the bifold doors to the living room and so as soon as Harry came into focus for your children they immediately ran for him. Oli and Felix could run quite well, but Belle was a lot slower. She was only learning how to walk and so she fell a lot, unless she was being supported by you or Harry. Oli reached his dad first and then Felix, to which Harry knelt down to embrace them in ‘super-dad’ hugs as he liked to call them.

“And who do we have here?” Joe asked.

“Trouble.” Harry replied in jest, but whispered something into his boys ears before backing away.

“Hello i’m Oli.” Oli waved proudly to the camera.

“Hi i’m Fix.” Feliz shied into his dads neck, embarrassed of himself. Harry kissed the back of his head and kept a hold oh him around his back for comfort.

“Fix?” Joe asked at the peculiar name.

“It’s Felix, but he can’t pronounce his own name for some reason so we just call him Fix now. Or Flix. Don’t we buddy?”

“Oh my! I’m so sorry about this!” You ran out in panic, knowing your one job was to keep the kids entertained and away from their dad. At least that was the original plan, but both Harry and Joe like this idea so much more. You were blushing red in embarrassment, picking up a fallen over Belle on your way over to everyone else. “So sorry.”

Belle became restless in your arms, reaching forward for her dad. She whined when she couldn’t quite reach and Harry immediately stood up to take his winging daughter from your arms. As he did, he leant into you and whispered in your ear whilst leaving it a warm kiss behind.

“You’re okay love. Don’t be sorry.”

“Hello Y/N!” Joe spoke.

“Hiya! How are you?”

“I’m great, and you?”

“Peachy.” You laughed, leaning down to collect Felix who was making grabby hands at you. Oli was quite happy standing next to both his parents, one of Harrys hands running through his tiny locks of hair.

“So now we have the family together, how do you feel to all be together?”

You looked to Harry smiled to find him smiling back already at you, knowing you both had a very similar answer. “It feels right. It feels like home.” You answered and Harry nodded in agreement, giving Belle a gentle rock in his arms.

“Are you okay with showing your children’s faces publicly?”

“No we’re not.”

“Looks like we have a hell of a lot of editing to do back at HQ.” Joe laughed, but completely understood the reasoning behind yours two decision. If needed, you could re-film scenes of this interview so that it didn’t include your children. Joe had done his best to keep the camera on you and Harry and luckily the children kept their faces buried in their parents necks anyways. “Is that going to be forever?”

“When they are old enough to decide whether they want to be in the spotlight then we’ll see.” Harry smiled, holding onto Belle tighter because all he wanted to do was keep her protected, and his, forever.

“You two seem like very good parents.” Joe spoke sincerely, and it made you swallow down a sob because it was always really lovely to hear such compliments - knowing you’d struggled with postnatal depression.

“Thank you Joe.” Harry nodded respectfully.

“Okay let’s carry on?”

The interview carried on until Harry had answered so many questions. He redid bits, due the children being too involved and he re-filmed answers to questions he found difficult to answer the first time around. He had such a great experience and was happy with the way that the day turned out.

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cjjohansson · 3 years ago

Text

NONE OF THIS WAS MEANT TO HAPPEN- PART 2

NATASHA ROMANOFF x BLACKWIDOW!READER

SUMMARY; After being apprehended by the Avengers and growing closer to Natasha, you let slip a secret she didn't know you knew. What happens when she realises you know the truth?

WARNINGS; mentions of abuse, swearing, previous suicide attempt, self harm, self doubt, mental health, smoking, drinking. sad natasha.

-PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION-

WORD COUNT; 4.5K

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“So you’re telling me Yelena lied?”

Natasha didn’t expect this. She hadn't heard that name for a while now, not since destroying the Red Room herself with the help from her but since then nothing but radio silence. She thought Yelena was too busy still trying to free other widows but she knew from finding you and helping you Yelena hadn't finished her mission yet. But she was confused at how you knew Yelena and still had her in your mind even through the torture of the mind control and manipulating you had experienced. She continued staring at you, she didn't know what to do or say to you.

“So was she lying or not Natasha?” your voice came through her ears making her refocus. Your voice sounded desperate to know the truth, you needed to know the truth.

“I don't know what you’re talking about y/n.” Nat knew she should tell the truth, why was she still hiding this part of her past from you, no one knew about the help she had received when destroying the red room but no one knew her as well as you. Only knowing each other for this short amount of time you both opened up in different ways, it was freeing for Natasha to see someone who went through the same pain as she did and it helped guide her in helping you. Knowing if she could help you it’d help herself, she still saw all the red in her ledger but she was determined to wipe it in hopes she could help you wipe yours. She knew how you felt about the terrible things you did under control and for all the years up until now. She knew you shared the same pain. Apart from you only had Natasha. Slowly growing more open with the team but Natasha had you AND the team, the team she had grown so close with over the years to now finally call her family. But still the lie fell from her lips like it was a simple song.

“You’re lying, I know you're lying and I don't understand why it's me Natasha!” your voice only grew louder the more frustrated you got.

“I still remember holding Yelena the day you managed to escape the Red Room, I remember her crying and having to keep her quiet at night so no one saw her and thought she was weak! She constantly fell asleep holding the only memory she had left of you. But it all stopped months after I was taken from her in my sleep being transferred to a new location! I remember mouthing to her ‘it’ll be ok, we will find eachother again’ but after that nothing. I cannot even remember how long ago that was now Natasha, the years after being put through the mind control barely anything feels real. It was all confusing at the time trying to work out who this girl was that I kept seeing in my dreams and anytime I asked them it would only end in a beating. I knew not to ask anymore. But I remember being sent on this mission to kill you Natasha! I remember after I finally woke up again and saw your face that this person in front of me will help because my friend never gave up hope in you! It was like all I could see was Yelena and this random blue haired girl!”

“I'm not lying. I don't know who or what you're talking about!” another lie, slipping past her lips like it was nothing. Her lies only fueled you with more anger and frustration. Her face just stayed staring at you like she was trying to burn the lie into your head. You thought you knew her, but the person who was standing in front of you now lying was most definitely not the same person you shared a kiss with only moments ago.

“You said I could trust you Natasha. You might be able to get away with lying to the team but you're forgetting we were taught to lie by the same people. I can see straight through you.” your voice hit back at her laced with venom, she could see the disappointment in your eyes. You slowly turned to leave, you couldn't stand here with her right now knowing she was lying. How could she lie to you after everything she has helped you with over the last few months. You thought you loved her, you thought she might have loved you. You got off the bed and walked towards the door, you couldn't be here right now.

“Y/n/n wait.” she grabbed your wrist, stopping you from reaching the door, the same wrist that was littered in a big scar from the time you woke up. Her touch burnt, all she received from you was a flinch and you pulling your wrist from her touch.

“Don't you dare fucking touch me Natalia! Only moments ago I thought I finally had someone I could trust, someone who would keep me safe. But now all I see is the Black fucking Widow stood infront of me. So no Natalia, I won't wait. I won't stand here while you lie to me straight through your teeth. I wont stand here while you tell me you don't know who or what i’m talking about when I held that some person for months through her fucking tears because her so called sister left without her! I picked up the pieces you fucking ruined and now you expect me to stand here and think that you're telling me the truth and Yelena lied all those years? You expect me to think the voice in my head the day I woke up after I slit my wrist wide open telling me to trust you is fucking lying? Because if it was lying I wish, I fucking wish I let myself bleed out right then and there.” You knew you hit her then, like your voice was so loud filling the room like it was pounding in her ears. She knew you were right that it wasn’t her standing in front of you but was the Black Widow trying to manipulate her targets for information. Before she could even reply, the sound of the door slamming brought her back to focus. She quickly wiped her cheek as she felt the tears slowly falling from her eyes, not even remembering when she had started crying. Why did she lie? Why did she ruin the chances of you? Ruining your trust like it didn't take so much time to try and gain it? What had she done? Her and Yelena were ok now, they had worked on their differences and she had apologised for what had happened all the years ago but why wouldn't she tell you that? She knew Yelena held a grudge and hated her for leaving without her when they finally saw each other again but that wasn't the case now. Everything was different now and the main difference was Natasha finally realising that maybe she was falling for you and she had ruined all her chances in that becoming a reality. She needed to give you space, she knew that if she was to chase you now it would only make you more angry, she knew she needed to figure out how to talk to you and explain why she had done what she had done, until then she couldn't risk seeing you.

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It had been a week since your argument with Natasha. Nothing made sense to you. It was driving you crazy at how she lied to you like you were nothing to her, like you weren't the person she had spent nights laughing with over stupid movies and also crying too when talking about each other's pasts. You had only slept once since then, a few hours after your argument, you had finally made your way back to your room knowing she would have left. You felt exhausted, only moments before your argument you had woken up from a terrible nightmare to then being in the comfort of her arms, to then kissing her to then shouting. It was like the only thing your body wanted to do was sleep right then and there. When you woke up hours later looking at your clock did you see the time read 4am, you had slept for 12 hours and by that point you understood why.

-flashback-

You steadily got out of your bed still feeling disgusted from being in your gym clothes from the day before everything happened, you made your way to the shower knowing you needed to rid all this grime off of yourself. You stood still in the shower letting the water fall off your shoulders like it was the first time you had ever seen water before it felt relaxing. Letting yourself get lost in the feeling of it but still your mind grew to the thought of what it would be like if Natasha was standing behind you right now washing your hair, touching you so delicately like you could break from any sudden movement. It felt too overwhelming. You crumbled to your knees like your body could no longer hold your weight anymore, your tears getting lost within the water that was over your face. It felt like you couldn't breathe, you were trapped in a place with nobody you could trust. Your mind grew dark so quickly, like the only way to get out of this place was to reopen that wrist but she still lingered in your mind, the thought of her finding you on this shower floor was breaking you even more. Why were you still feeling this sympathy for her after everything that had happened. You couldn't do this you needed to get rid of this feeling inside, it felt like your body was on fire, you felt scared and it was something you hadn't felt for a few months now, you had felt safe in her presence to now feeling as if you would leave this room and pass out, you needed it gone. You scrambled up from your feet in a hurry trying to find anything in your bathroom for a release, you remembered Natasha had made sure anything you could hurt yourself with had been removed from your pending room after your incident. There was nothing in here you could even butter bread with, it only made you feel more anger towards her. You stopped looking, taking a deep breath and staring at yourself in the mirror, wiping your hand over the mirror to see yourself clearer due to the fog clinging to it. And that's when you realised this would do. Bringing your clenched fist up to pound into the mirror sending shards flying everywhere, thank god for your enhancements you thought, that brought a light chuckle out of you. Frantically picking a big enough shard off the floor and moving yourself to sit on the toilet you knew this would help. Blood came seeping out of each cut, dripping down your leg and running onto the floor, you knew you'd done enough. The pain you felt inside had felt like it had disappeared more and more after every cut. You moved back into the shower preparing yourself for the sharp stings of pain that would soon follow, washing yourself quickly and exiting your bathroom, closing the door and leaving it shut. You knew you’d had to clean up later but for now you dragged yourself back to your bed in hopes to sleep more even though you knew you wouldn’t.

-end flashback-

You sat on the balcony of the compound still trying to work out how and why this had happened, you hadn't seen her for a week, you knew people had grown suspicious as to why you weren't joint at her hip and instead was constantly wrapped in a blanket on the balcony. The only person to come over and talk to you was Wanda, you would never say much. Only asking her if she could get you some cigarettes from the shop and some vodka, you knew if she said no you could always just ask FRIDAY to get some delivered, but she always came back hours later with the two things you'd asked her for, you always sent her the softest smile with a quiet thank you and she would leave after that. You wondered if she knew she was feeding into your new addictions and a way to stop the pain coming forward. You wondered if you were taking advantage of her but still you never wondered to ask.

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You brought the cigarette up to your lips lighting it quickly, the feeling burning your throat and lungs as you slowly inhale the toxic chemicals it gives out, you had never smoked before this whole thing with Natasha, it wasn't until you had seen someone smoking in a movie did you grow curious of whole thing but now look, it was like you was a natural. Cigarette in one hand, half a bottle of vodka in the other, that is all you've done all week. You only moved from this spot to go to the toilet, not even bothering with food. It wasn't healthy and you knew that, you also knew this was a pathetic way of coping from everything with Natasha but it was helping.

A small cough is what brought you out of your train of thoughts, you looked up towards the door seeing her standing there. You hated how the first thing you thought was how beautiful she looked with the moonlight shining in just the right way. It made her eyes even more beautiful than they already were, you threw your head back to look at the trees across from you, no you needed to be angry at her.

“Smoking isn’t good for you, you know.” you wanted to chuckle at her but the hurt seeping through your veins was too much to deal with, gulping down the growing lump in your throat you continued smoking while staring. She sighed moving to sit opposite you so she constricted your view. You now sit facing her staring into her beautiful emerald orbs hoping the tears don't start to fall.

“I’m sorry” watching her slowly lowering her head after her words, her hands running through her hair, you're sure you heard a slight sniffle but you continued to stare, not caring to reply.

“Please say something, anything” she sounded so vulnerable, so small but you needed an explanation not just an apology. You go to speak but your tears are already threatening to fall so you turn your head to the side gulping down some vodka to ignore the pain.

“I'm not good at apologising, I'm even worse at talking about my past. I did lie. But I shouldn't have. I lied because I didn't want to remember what I did to her back then, the things I did in general back then.” you finally turned to look at her again slowly nodding for her to continue.

“Me and Yelena, we…errrr...we had a mission when we were young. Acting as sisters with two other agents as our parents. It was nice, you know, acting normal. I went from being in the Red Room, to a normal life. To then just be taken back away again. But it was different for her, I tried to not let them take her, she was too young, but like they said, I was younger…” she stayed staring down at her feet, you could tell it was a lot for her to be doing this, you were thankful she was opening up telling you the truth but you could see her discomfort seeping through. Holding out the bottle of vodka for her to take she brought her head up slowly looking at you and then to the bottle. She let out a light chuckle moving to accept the bottle from you and taking a drink. She gave it back, wiping the few tears that had escaped, you thought she was done talking until she sighed and carried on.

“I held her as they took us to the Red Room again, well me again, not her. It was terrifying. I just held her trying to shield her from seeing anything and everything, she just clung to me, sobbing. We were so young and I knew what was going to happen to her and there was nothing more I could do. I knew as soon as we were there she'd be taken from me and I'd never see her again. But I did see her, of course you know I did. It was quick stares walking past each other or it was me looking for her subtly when we would be eating, I couldn't protect her anymore. We could only protect ourselves. Any signs of love, affection or even friendship were frowned upon. How could I comfort her or look after her when everything I wanted to do I would have been punished for? That would have scared her even more. So I kept to myself.”

You didn't know how to react or what to do, the woman who was so continuously strong no matter what was thrown at her was sitting in front of you sobbing, it broke your heart and you knew it was breaking hers.

“Tasha, it's ok. Please.” you couldn't watch her cry anymore but you knew there was so much more she needed to say.

“No, y/n I...I need to do this.” you gave her a small nod, urging her to continue as you swallowed your own tears.

“She got out about 7 months ago too. Things happened and well me, her and our parents, Alexei and Melina. We took down Dreykov, we took down the main Red Room. I found out about all of these other widows that were placed all around the world being controlled. Yelena had this antidote that managed to break widows out of mind control, she found out the hard way what it was but we managed to save the widows that were at that Red Room. We only had one dose left, so with the help from Melina and Alexei they created more so they could go and save all the girls that were left. When you showed up I knew that clearly she hadn't finished the whole mission yet but I knew that 4 months wasn't a lot of time to do that hence why she hadn't reached you yet. I hadn't been in contact with any of them since then, I tried to get in touch but I never received anything back even up until two weeks ago.” she had stopped crying now, she looked more comfortable talking, it released this ache in your heart knowing she was becoming ok. You just wanted to hug her, so you did. You moved quickly, cigarettes and bottle of vodka long forgotten about and settled on her lap. She tensed slightly when you first sat down but soon enough you felt her relax, you just couldn't stop looking at her. Her eyes glassy from the tears she had shed, the light smell of the vodka she had drunk coming out from her lips as she breathed slowly. You just forgot everything that had happened in the past week. You cupped her face making sure all of her attention was on you, leaning in slowly to finally connect your lips in a gentle kiss. You finally moved away when you felt tears dripping down your cheeks, not evening knowing if they were yours or hers. Her hand came to settle on your cheek wiping away the tears that had fallen, the smallest of a smile on her face.

“I went to find them this week.” her words shocking you, making you shake your head confused. She laughed lightly at your reaction.

“Arguing with you just made me realise that I had no clue what was going on, I just left them with this information and took off, so I went to Melinas where I knew one of them would be and saw them there. That's why I had been gone all week.”

You felt relief when something rolled through you, although all this week you had been trying to avoid her, every time you moved from the balcony to the toilets you hoped she would pop out of nowhere. It wasn't until the third day you thought she was actively trying to avoid you too, it's what made you grow more angry. Thinking she just upped and left without a word but you now knew she didn't and suddenly all this anger and pain you felt towards her through the week was gone off your shoulders, but you now hated yourself for the way you reacted, the way you screamed and shouted at her for lying when now you understood why she done what she done out of fear of remembering. You hated yourself for the way you threw yourself into hurting yourself along with smoking and drinking. The guilt settled in your chest, it felt like it was too much to handle once again and you couldn't stop the tears from crashing down, a painful sob falling out of you as you suddenly felt like you could feel your thighs starting to tear and bleed again, like you could feel your throat burning from the bottles of vodka you had consumed and your lungs feeling as if they were suffocating from all the cigarettes you managed to smoke in such a short time.

Natasha reacted quickly, holding you tighter as you tucked yourself into the crook of her neck, a death grip on the back of her shirt as if, if you were to let go, this would all be a dream and she would disappear.

“Hey, hey, hey. Shhh it's ok, you're ok, I’m ok. We are ok. I'm here. I'm sorry for what happened and I'm sorry for leaving without explaining. I'm just so sorry.” her words were meant to be comforting but it only made you sob more.

“The things I did when you were gone Tasha, I overreacted. I'm sorry for everything I said that day of our argument. I understand everything now I do and I'm so grateful for you telling me and I'm so happy Yelena is safe. I'm so sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry.” your voice muffled as you sobbed into her neck only made her grow nervous. No one had said anything about you all week when she called to check in on everyone.

“y/n, what happened?” She spoke so softly, one hand stroking small circles at the bottom of your back and the other hand moving to the side of your hair to move your head up so you were looking at her. It made the words you were trying to say even harder seeing how much her eyes showed her concern and worry.

“M...my...my bathroom, I...I...I ruined it, haven't been in my room since you left. I've stayed out here just smoking and drinking Tasha. I felt so angry and hurt and I hate what I did because now I understand why and what happened and I just overreacted so much and all I've done is cause myself pain and I know you don't want to know or even think that but I have. I hurt myself Tasha, I broke my mirror to do it, gosh thats so fucking stupid and it was only the one time and that doesn't make that ok I know that but it hurts so much. I feel like I'm suffocating, this guilt is too much. You've come back to explain and now here I sit crying and making it sound like everything I did this week was your fault but it wasn't. I'm sorry.” you rambled on continuing to sob, her eyes now just looked so sad, it broke you but you couldn't stop the ‘I’m sorrys’ from falling off your lips but she still stayed stroking your back, leaning your foreheads together telling you over and over that it was ok and she forgave you.

Your sobs finally slowly subsided, the exhaustion finally settling in after the week that had gone by so slowly, it consumed you. But Natasha never let up her continuous flow of ‘its oks’ and never failed to tell you ‘I’m here’ until you finally settled in silence. The silence felt comfortable between you, even though the past hour or maybe even longer held so much pain for the both of you. Your grib finally loosens on her t-shirt, moving to sit up straight to look at her.

“Я люблю вас” she blurts out in a hurry, you stayed staring at her in shock. You made no move to reply or even hug her or kiss her, it made her grow nervous. You felt her tense underneath you straight after it came flying out of her mouth.

“It's fine, you don’t need to...umpth” you cut her off short pulling her into an intense kiss, moving to straddle her lap, she moaned softly into you, making you melt. Even through the gentleness it still felt so rough and aggressive, neither of you pulling away until air became a problem.

“я люблю тебя больше моя Наталья”

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The night seemed to flow so much more calmly after your late night confessions. You both moved to Natashas suite in hopes of getting some more privacy. Your night consisted of movies playing in the background as you both consumed each other with so much love and affection. You knew for sure that no one could ever love you or care for you the way this woman could. It overfilled your heart with so much joy, that even after these years where she was in pain and she blamed herself and the word for everything that had happened to her, that she could still love and feel so deeply. How she could still love you with so much passion in such a short amount of time, when you both grew up being told that it would make you vulnerable and that it was for children.

You knew the way you grew up was terrible and traumatic but in this moment, laying in Natashas arms sharing the smallest of kisses, giggles erupting from both of you, kind words whispered as if anything louder would ruin the moment, you were somewhat grateful that somehow no matter where this life was suppose to take you or what was meant to happen with you, you had never been so happy to have failed your mission against Natasha Romanoff, because right now who knows where you would be or what you was doing. You managed to be so lucky that this woman still accepted you with open arms and made herself vulnerable and somewhere fall in love with you that nothing from your past mattered in this moment. All that mattered was the love you were sharing and the love you can only hope to continue to share into the future.

Maybe ‘None Of This Was Meant To Happen’ but god was you so incredibly happy that it did.

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