#but now??? i dont evven want to get into it

[theonlythingimfuckingisstupid]

ok i wasn’t going to say anything but i have a rant for you guys <<2

(in the tags bc idk how long itll be and i dont want it to be like a Thing

[thewertsearch]

GG: aaaaa please dont tell anyone i told you about him! […] CA: settle dowwn jade youre radically underestimatin the amount of shit i dont givve about this […] CA: i got bigger ships to sink and soon wwhen im good and ready me and my luminous fuckin science stick havve got a date wwith jack noir

Seems like Eridan's planning to join Vriska.

Correction - he's planning to rejoin Vriska.

If he's trying to restart their kismesissitude, he's going to be sorely disappointed. Vriska is out of his league, and not just as a romantic partner. She's a god, and he's an angry kid with a wand who represents no threat whatsoever to Noir.

CA: wwhys this matter so hush hush anywway GG: he didnt want me to tell my friends who he really was […] GG: he was so nice, and it really did feel like i was talking to family, so i really dont think he was making it up

I think your intuition is correct, but that doesn't mean he's specifically your grandson. After all, 'family' is a term which can encompass all sorts of relationships.

GG: i couldnt help but try to imagine his parents… GG: and more interestingly……. GG: his grandfather :O

Even if he is your grandson, that doesn't necessarily mean he has a grandfather. As far as I can tell, there's no reason why the Veil's DNA-mixing machine couldn't merge the genes of two women.

For all we know, Pen-Pal could have four biological grandmothers!

CA: that gun i just gavve you is somethin of a hatchright to the kid CA: happy i could play a role in your dirty stinkin lineage GG: like an heirloom? i guess it could be GG: do you even have those? if you dont have parents how could you? CA: no wwe dont knoww our direct forebears and im pretty sure any attempt to seek out or evven inquire about the supplier of your genes wwould be a fine wway to get yourself killed

I didn't think a troll's genes had an individual supplier.

Based on the fact that their genetic material is combined in the Mother Grub, I've been assuming that each troll is created from a large number of 'parents', whose DNA is mixed in the Mother's stomach.

Obviously, our Sgrub trolls are going to be an exception to this rule, since the game presumably cloned them from twelve Guardians - but Eridan seems to be implying that all trolls have an individual parent.

This doesn't align at all with what we know about troll reproduction. There also seems to be a certain amount of secrecy surrounding this process, since Eridan thinks you'd be killed for looking into it. Is there some sort of conspiracy at play?

CA: but wwevve got our lore and it says wwe all got indivvidual ancestors wwho contribute to most of our genes abovve and beyond wwhat the grubs slurry does

Alright, that makes a little more sense. So trolls are derived from a large mixture of DNA, but they have one true 'parent' who contributes the lion's share of genetic data.

Maybe an embryonic troll starts off as a clone of this parent, and other trolls' genes are slowly spliced into it as it develops.

Again, for the Sgrub trolls, things are a little different. We have reason to believe they were cloned in sets of three, implying that each of them has three genetic donors. Perhaps, then, they each inherited the majority of their DNA from one of these trolls - their 'ancestor' - and only share a small number of genes with the other two.

These ancestors have been mentioned before - quite a while ago, now - and I think they may be the key to solving a major mystery of the Hivebent arc.

Namely, Aradia mentioned her ancestors, and seemed to believe she was following their orders. When Scratch's plans started to reveal themselves, I assumed that he was the one directing Aradia, and was only pretending to be these unseen forebears.

With this new revelation, however, I'm forced to reconsider my stance. What if the Voices were those of the ancestors?

What if Aradia was being instructed by the troll Guardians all along?

[dirkspanelcollection]

Pesterlog/Conversation between Eridan and Kanaya from page 2343

not really a panel, i know. but i love this exchange too much not to put it here.

Full log under cut.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

CA: kan make her talk to me do somethin

GA: Who

CA: your no good connivvin fuckin backstabbin girl crush thats wwho

GA: Overstating Our Relationship Wont Make Me Feel Very CooperativeGA: Its Paler Red Than That Ok

CA: pshhhhhh that is a fuckin laugh and you knoww it evveryone doesCA: so help me out tell her to talk to me i think she blocked me you got to

GA: Why Do I Got To GA: I Dont Got To And Every Time You Take My Help For Granted I Feel Like I Got To A Little Less

CA: wwhatEVVER you are so the vvillage twwo wwheel devvice wwhen it comes to auspisticingCA: you cant let a grudge go by you wwont stick your busy stem betwwixt so get wwith the program fussyfangs

GA: If Your Slander Werent So Predictable Id Block You Too For Saying That GA: Has It Occurred To You She May Have Blocked You Because You Are Vvery OvverbearingGA: I Just Said That Aloud Now In Your Silly Accent And Had A Private Moment Of Enjoyment

CA: wwho givves a shit wwhy she blocked me or about my fuckin manners come on youvve got a wway wwith herCA: i figure if youre going to auspisticize any twwo brinesuckers wwho sneer at each other a funny wway you might as wwell make it official and be ours right

GA: Your Black Solicitation Just Seems Really Indecent GA: What Do You Want From Her Anyway

CA: she made me somethin per a prior arrangementCA: she wwill delivver it wwhen wwe meet in this game but i dont knoww wwhat the logistics are yetCA: im tryin to connoiter wwith her here but shes blowwin me off again fickle dirtscrapin landhag

GA: What Is It

CA: kan stupid wwhat do you think its a fuckin gizmo to bloww up the wworld or somethinCA: ok wwell not that obvviouslyCA: but somethin thatll kill all land dwwellers wwhat else wwould i be after

GA: Can You Just For A Moment Entertain The Thoughts Of One Untouched By Megalomaniacal Derangement And Tell Me Why Id Want To Assist You With That

CA: wwellCA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionableCA: wwhat kind of friend wwould i be

GA: Also Speculate For A Moment That Self Preservation Might Not Be What Would Sway My Decision

CA: yeah go ahead and kiss us off but therell be blood on your handsCA: you could either play along as our auspistice and do a little mediating like you wwere fuckin hatched toCA: or wwatch she and me devvolvve into fuckin full fledged kismesisses the kind like you dont get once in ten thousand swweeps

CA: you knoww thats wwhat it wwould be there wwould be rainboww rivvers runnin through star systems and all nebulizin like liquid firewworksCA: it wwill be beautiful and heartbreaking all at onceCA: you should read up on your history instead of poring through that godawwfull sunny rubbish

GA: Its Just GA: Laborious Listening To ThisGA: Im SorryGA: None Of It Matters

CA: yeah it does its important sorry but the fate of the race and purity of the bloodline is important excuse me for being concerned

GA: I Know GA: But You Really Should Know By Now The World Will End Tonight RegardlessGA: Land And Sea Dwellers Alike Will All DieGA: Because Of The Game We Are About To PlayGA: And I Agree The Fate Of The Race Is Important But Its In My Hands NowGA: All Of Ours Really

CA: huhCA: wwell ok

GA: Really

CA: ordinarily id call bullshit on terrible stinkin bs like that but i knoww you dont really lie about stuffCA: unless its to yourselfCA: but thats wwhy i bother evven talking to you i wwouldnt evven be here SAYIN any of this otherwwiseCA: so did your clouds tell you that

GA: The Doomsday Scenario In Particular GA: No Not Exactly

CA: i got clouds and they dont tell me SHIT they hide nothin but misfortune and monstrositiesCA: fuckin pain in the ass fuckin cloudsCA: so howw do you knoww then

GA: I Have Another Source

CA: ok wwell you are jacked tight the fuck into this thing in so many wways i dont knoww wwhat to say anymoreCA: wwhatevver wwe wwill just play and find out i guessCA: so can you tell her to talk to me anywway

GA: No

CA: god dammitCA: she and me are teammates wwevve got to havve a powwwwoww or SOMETHING

GA: You Arent Actually On The Same Team

CA: fuckCA: fine i get it ill step offCA: you dont wwant to be our auspistice cause you dont wwant to get locked into that sort of relation wwith her i can respect that

GA: No Thats Not It

CA: yeah it is your real feelins run pretty awwful RUDDY methinks evverybody knowws itCA: especially that assblood karkat he and me havve you so pegged about that its upright sillyCA: but its cool its totally fine dont wworry ill leavve you alone and givve you a shot

GA: Its Unbelievable GA: Her Patience

CA: wwhatCA: wwhoa wwait wwho

GA: Never Mind

CA: ok wwait did she talk to you todayCA: wwhat did she sayCA: or glub or wwhatevver

GA: Something About Longing To Touch You Indiscretely

CA: WWWWHAT

GA: And That Shes Basically In The Scarlet Throes For You GA: As Deep In The Flushed Quadrant As One Can Be

CA: wwaitCA: did she actually say thatCA: in confidence

GA: To The Letter

CA: can you copy exactly wwhat she said

GA: Absolutely Not

CA: this is bullshit youre bee essing me in some wway awwfulCA: you dont lie but you do tease and ill tranfuse my kickass royal blood out wwith incontinent musclebeast discharge if i wwont knoww wwhen im gettin hooked

GA: Yeah GA: Shes Just A Concerned MoirailGA: Looking Out For YouGA: Thats All

CA: awwww fuckCA: see im tellin youCA: you got to play your cards right

GA: What Do You Mean

CA: if youre not savvvvy about howw you define yourself to peopleCA: you can just splash into the moirail zone before you knoww wwhich wways upwward

GA: Oh GA: Hmm

CA: kan its hard

GA: What

CA: being a kid and growwing up

CA: its hard and nobody understands

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

[blackvail22]

the day i lose 150lbs i will rule the world fr

ill b too powerful

(this sounds so like degrading but im being so honest. ppl wont view me as pretty as a fat person! maybe ill b prettier when im skinny butyeah)

even if i achieve the 140lbs mark i still wont be as thin as society would want me 2 b but idc thats what i want to be and i will achieve it

the motivation that i can get there is the fact that my doctor told me that because my sinuses and my tonsils r so problematic that it was preventing me from having a deeper sleep aka not being able to burn calories and it actually makes me gain weight

getting my tonsils removed will be actual hell but all well. its for the skinny life ig!!!!

im genuinely so tired of being in my body because i always think of myself prettier than i really am for some readson and then when i look in the mirror im so much uglier than i imagined LMAo i think thats why my self esteem is so low... i just forget what i look like sometimes and then im not what i romanticized myself to be

lmao i do that with my life too..

idk

lmao

im like wanting to be one of the people that have a glow up after high school and ppl always wish they never bullied

idk i

really want to forget about school but i really dont know.

i mean im not *that* bad butthere are so many different things that i would want to "fix" besides my body proportions

skin redness

a face not as round

maybe a tiny bit thinner nose (my nose as gotten bigger as i gained weight so i think this is fixable)

idk i didnt think much about it at the moment but after we went over my ct scan with my doctor he left the officcve to get me to another room to whatever whatever but the scans were left up and my sister like made fun of the way my face was constructed?? idk she was like "why is your nose crooked? can i use this as proof that your head is moosh? LMAO evven your eyes r farther back"

i know she didnt mean harm but its starting to affect me now. its like conformation that im the ugly sister and its so much to have to like..... process? because she even said that i looked like my mom. and i knew that, but acting like her and looking like her is something i want to distance myself from. i want to distance myself form the fact that i can be my own person and not my parents. i want to be able to acknowledge that i came from them and they gave me life, but idk... its hard for me to do that for some reason? like whenever i think "they gave me life" another thought passes by and says "i didnt want this life"

i dont mean that in a suicidal way, but its just... idk. i genuinely feel like complaining about how hard life is atp is literally so fuckign stupid because there are ways to make it better and things i can do to make it not as bad... like there are a lot of things i complain about that i could fix (e.g. my weight, wanting to do more things than the same thing every day, etc.)

idk.

this is a long ass rant, and i dont even think you read them anymore. if you do, i hope youre doing well. im sorry for how much i complain. i am a really negative person deep down, even though i try my best to be positive.

[james-fun-in-the-sunderland]

pt 2 . still vicky. 31, 35, 40, 51, 67, 69. 🙄

NO need for all of these rolling eyes SMH... u didnt evven have to send these sirrrr

ANYWAY link back to the 69 ttrpg asks i GUESS

31. do they respond well to praise? how about criticism?

as said in the last ask he does respond well to praise however it all depends on WHO is praising and how OVERT and how OFTEN... praise him too much and he'll get MAD but praise him too little and he will also get mad, he doesnt respond well to criticism. if you criticise him too much he may actually completely hate ur ass, but thats if he thinks it isnt deserved and EVEN THEN he will still get annoyed like whatever man >:/

35. when did they feel loneliest?

i feel like this ones a LITTLE obvious but while his mom was in the hospital probably! his childhood home would be all empty he'd have no one to come home to and he would only come home after doing jobs and visiting her so he had no time for literally anyone or anything else, not that he really had the energy for anything else anyway, at least after she died he would go out and just talk to anyone off the street but while she was still alive it was just him and a dying woman while he pushed away anyone else bc he felt extremely vulnerable during this time too (he was also like. 25 so he was also just dealing w being a young adult and all the angst there so . he was NOT doing well)

40. if you had to remake this character right now, how would you change them?

GOOD QUESTION id probably make his hair different, change his backstory a lil and quite a few scars ! alot of stuff w him is either in active development or straightened out so id probably change more of the actually established stuff ... maybe give him a different clothing style, make him more outward with some traits like his musical ability... hmmm this is such an interesting q

51. what element of their backstory are you proudest of?

ALOT OF IT im always very proud of my lil characters backstories hehe... i try to make them all make sense for the person a character has developed into and i feel like vickys especially really reflects that, if i really had to choose one aspect it would be how death just follows him all throughout his backstory, people dying annd leaving him left and right making him really feel surrounded by it ya kno... not even just with the obvious stuff like ALOT of his childhood friends end up dying lmao its just fun themes ...

67. do they consider themselves to be special?

NO absolutely not, hes literally described himself as just another average joe DESPITE COMPLETELY NOT BEING ONE . this man cannot die and works for like 5 different mobs and yet hes like nah im just a normal single father man, idk why ur saying im so weird. he also just gets weirded out by the idea of someone finding him so special... ofc he really would love to be special in a way he can control, i suppose thats really it huh, he really loves control and if people find him special for his deathlessness or anything its like... ok but he doesnt CONTROL that... he can control his talents though so if someone found him special for that hed be like YEAH literally im so cool

69. what’s one secret they don’t want getting out?

the classic. lets go through the obvious ones, his deathlessness, even though its an open secret he really doesnt like people talking about it, his crime too of course but he doesnt even care that much about that either, like even less, his daughter even knows and has talked abt how he kills people for money so... his whole past is a secret even to his daughter bc hes just a private person... i suppose also the main one would be his real name (for people who dont know his real legal name isnt actully vicky love, its louis cox! ( louis pronounced louey bc hes french lol)) he started fully going by vicky when his mom died so he just doesnt like to be called louis bc it reminds him of his 'past life' ... hes got alot of secrets huh... these are really the only things he DOESNT want to get out tho, most other things hes private about he doesnt really care if people learn it

[understandableparadox]

We are starting to wind it down as the end of round one comes to a close!

We managed to track down some of our contestants to see what they had to say, either about their opponents, or how they are doing in this race, if we see anyone else makeing comments we will be sure to add them here!

Baxtin: shiiiit uh... s-sorry dawg no hard feelings win or lose right haha please dont hurt me D:[

Alemap: ...I don't... Know why we're competing... When we could be... friends...! XuX Do... You like stuffed... Animals...?

Lollie: "One vote for Lollie is a vote against fishes and their dictatorships! Save a lowblood, support a gamer!"

Garlik: whats goin on? Oh..did i win? Oh... Thas pretty cool. Nahlee: glad i could participate!

Turpen:

WC: my opponent? im fighting??? i only joined this thing to get outta being gutted out by that violet blood I owe money to!

~

___________.

WC: what do i have to say about them? i honestly like her but gog… those guys, they’re like porcelain to me. It’s terrifying, they’re too shiny to be real… you guys aren’t faking this competition on me, right? Nyawaa is real, right?

~

___________.

WC: either way, i just want to make it by, i’m just hoping there’s at least a cash prize so i can regain my high blood status… i miss being big in the business

~

___________.

Noizod:

PC: I like m7 oppone7t honest7y, there’7 not muc7 to say o7her tha7 I like t7em. I enjoy 7hat we’r7 both ou7casts i7 a way. Th7y enjoy 7orror, a7d I enjoy 7ci-fi and 7ld fast 7ood mascot7. That’s 7ctuall7 where I g7t my nam7. My whit7 bloode7 grub ra7ser oft7n enjoy7d inter7sts of t7e weird 7nd zany. 7’m just h7ppy to s7e anoth7r troll 7ike me =8•]

Vichtr Unikke: /* uuhateuer. i jvst hope this doesn't pvt me on any bovnty hvnter's radar */

Luciol Lanten: ->! This is exciting! I've never seen so many trolls in one place before. Good luck everyone!! ^o^ !<-

Orfeus says: sarnen was very nice, I'm glad we go-ot to-o make friends... (They stare into empty space for a while) we're in a co-ompetitio-on?

Achlys now has a top hat on: thank youuuu to all my voters I'm sending a kiss and hug to each of you! With your help I will crush this competition and when I win there will totally be like, world peace! or eternal war if you're into that instead!!

GAEMIR: hell i don’t give speeches. uh. m4y the best troll win, i guess? uh. re4d surgeburb on mspf4. (hell i don’t give speeches. uh. may the best troll win, i guess? uh. read surgeburb on mspfa.)

CEFERI: Hel>l>o! I hope t>hat> t>his compet>it>ion wil>l> strengt>hen t>he bonds bet>ween al>l> us t>rol>l>s!! May t>he best> t>rol>l> *cough* me your favorite trans girl lesbian vampire *cough* win!!! (Hello! I hope that this competition will strengthen the bonds between all us trolls!! May the best troll *cough* me your favorite trans girl lesbian vampire *cough* win!!!)

Zalium:Im qwite swrprised bv the positive responses to mv entry to this competition, bwt its certainlv a pleasant swrprise... I wish mv opponents the best of lwck in this rownd and the rownds to come wntil Im voted owt!

tamiss eriism: if it's expired by now then i won't say anything (sorry i was busy yesterday) but i can say ww8ww iit''s g88d t8 see my 8pp8nent apparently d8esn''t read up 8n theiir 8pp8nent bef8re piickiin a strategy. wwhen my entiire cause iis t8 get riid 8f the hem8spectrum, t8 g8 iin my face and use such tactless remarks ab8ut my bl88d fiirst thiing? iinteresting tactiic . but, iif wwe're g8iin t8 be playiin that fiield 8nly then ii ww8uldn''t be takiin s8 much iinspiiratii8n fr8m a g8ld bl88d wwh8 liikes t8 act liike they''re the m8st 8ppressed caste evver and d8esn''t evven t8uch grass

Soyuka: Yohoho...Honestly...he seems alright... but you just can't beat a bad bitch with the looks to match Interviewer: How do you feel about the possibility of your friend, Ms. Ialens losing the first round? Soyuka: YOHOHO...PISSED OFF!!! Yohoho...That shit was rigged, but it's okay...Imma make sure to win for my homegirl!! Taluco: IT's fine, Im jusT happy and having sO much fun! AlsO, They are very friendly, sO Im glad TO lOse TO Garlik Soyuka: Yohoho...Ugh...bullshit...bitch named after a fucking veggie YOHOHO...A VEGGIE IS BEATING A SEXY ASS FRUIT!! YOHOHO...DA FUCK!! [Cue Soyuka snatching the mic from the interviewer and cursing at the camera] Taluco: YOu are TOO cOmpeTiTive...SOyuka... [Taluco drags Soyuka away with the help of her Matesprit]

Rhanek to Eeliza: So you avoided the whole heiress vs empress thing by fucking off to rule the mafia? Weak shit, honestly. You should be trying to get away from all that classist bullshit instead of perpetuating it like MY fuchsia mate. I'll protect him 'til the end of my lifespan of I have to. You on the other hand, I would maim. I'm not afraid to go up against a little heiress!

Viiveh to Bowren: <Do we really have to fight and trash talk each other? I thovght this whole competition wovld be more like a friendly thing. Yov've got bvgs, right? I like bvgs, bvgs are cool. There's a breed of shrimp I like cvlltivating that are actvally more similar to mosqvitos than shrimp. They aren't the tastiest, bvt they're easy eats.>

Rhanek on his current lead: I'm not surprised, not the slightest. My competition is a fuchsia loyal to the empire, who would vote for scum like that? It's an easy win, and I hope the next opponent I face is a greater challenge. I heard my matesprite is in this thing too, a younger version of him. I don't know how you people pulled that off, but don't make me face him. I couldn't bare facing his cute little smile, his flushed freckles, his tiny little manket stature. Fucking hell, that would KILL me.

Viiveh on his current lead: <I feel kinda bad that I'm winning already cavse it means someone else is losing. I don't always feel like I deserve good things happening to me, I'm jvst sort of a vh.... oh, another cog in the machine! Jvst another fvchsia heir that doesn't help and will die before they can make any change. Ah, sorry, that's all melodramatic. I want to say that, even thovgh Bowren isn't going to win, I still think he deserves it! In my bloodpvsher, I mean.> <(^u^)>

Tamidn: "It seems like It's going to be a bit close, but... the faster I'm out of the spotlight, the better! There's only so long I can hang around in the same block as someone who smells a bit like... cheese..? Nahlee... there's only so long you can go without a shower, brother."

Zapika: "There's not much I can say here. I've only met Teranz today, I have. But I'm rooting for the eerie ol' rascal. With the contestants I've seen... I'm gonna eat dirt soon, I will! But for now, I can't say this is doing too good for my ego! I'm about to take my Participation Trophy right to my hive!"

Auiwyn:

Anomal:

Kratamis: EHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN IM LOSEING?! AND TO SOME XENO PRETTY BOY IN SOME STUPID FANCY CLOTHES?! ACTULLY... WAIT WHAT THE FUXK WHY ARE YOUR CLOTHES BETTER THEN MINE?! FUCK YOU GIVE THEM TO ME, HAND IT THE FUCK OV-

Kratanor: I would love to give my sincerest congratulations to me opponent~! Truly a expert blend of style and substance!

The homestuck oc tournament poll! Round 1

the rules are simple, the names have been scrambled up down and center, your charecter vs another randomly selected charecter. Please be sure to campaign for your or any other charecter you think is interesting enough to win!

Block 1

Idzill Stoatl

Idzill has a passionate love for art, and can be seen displaying many skills of the craft. Although Idzill is also quite impatient if they are not actively doing anything, and usually goes straight from a zero to one hundred when trying to solve a problem. Tongue gets stuck on something frozen? Try to skillfully use a knife. Art not making the money you want? Go straight to becoming a vigilante assassin… Idzill uses their dexterous skills to be quite the terrifying assassin, though they try their best to only accept hits for people they would consider bad. Idzill does not speak and uses signs 🪧 with their quirk painted onto them to communicate, that’s one way to view sign language i suppose…

Auiwyn Trasyl

The silliest, most self deprecating emo you’ll ever have the displeasure of meeting. His favorite movies would be the troll twilight saga, and they would make fanfiction of his rainbow drinker oc and Troll Edward. They have such a large obsession with rainbow drinkers that it’s consumed almost everything in his life. They would geek out if they ever met Kanaya, it would be so bad they’d probably faint. Would bite people to taste the blood and then gag when it tastes bad.

[overtrolled]

In lieu of writing my fic, I researched by rereading Eridan and Feferi’s bits of hivebent and took notes. Here’s what I got on Eridan.

In Hivebent, we see Eridan interact directly with three people, Kanaya, Feferi, and Gamzee. However, his conversation with Gamzee is incidental; he is trying to talk to Karkat. When Feferi breaks up with him, Eridan's first move is to try to reach Karkat for comfort. In his interactions with both Kanaya and Feferi, the fact Karkat and Eridan talk often is brought up. 

In his conversation with Kanaya, he says: 

yeah it is your real feelins run pretty awwful RUDDY methinks evverybody knowws it / especially that assblood karkat he and me havve you so pegged about that its upright silly

In his first conversation with Feferi, she says:

You know, I'm not sure w)(y we never talk about our romantic aspirations... Probably because you fill your gossip quota wit)( your nubby )(orned bro. / You leave not)(ing left to talk about wit)( your dear sweet moirail! / We are supposed to )(elp eac)( ot)(er wit)( t)(at stuff too, remember.

To which he replies: “maybe / seems kinda / odd though”

Together this is the strongest evidence of a positive relationship that Eridan has, outside of his unhealthy romance with Feferi. It seems like Karkat is Eridan's best friend. It's even pretty easy to read their relationship as being pale; Feferi comments suggest that Eridan may be more intimate with Karkat than with her. Despite this, he still refers to him as an 'assblood' to Kanaya, a really bizarre insult which feels almost half-assed (lol). It feels almost performative, like a lot of Eridan's behavior (put a in that, we'll come back to it later).

Speaking of his conversation with Kanaya, The way he talks with her suggests a certain degree of familiarity. Not that the relationship is necessarily viewed as positive by both parties, but I think it Eridan at least feels friendly toward her. After Kanaya asks why she would help him with his genocidal fantasies, he says:

wwell / im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionable / wwhat kind of friend wwould i be

Now, that line has a lot of cruel irony on it given the events of A5A2, but I read it as genuine. Eridan's whole kill all the landdwellers thing is extremely half-assed, and possibly, primarily an extension of the way he constructs a persona of a powerful highblooded military leader. Pretty soon after that line Kanaya says: “And I Agree The Fate Of The Race Is Important But Its In My Hands Now / All Of Ours Really” To which Eridan replies: "huh / wwell ok," and when Kanaya acts surprised that he takes her word for it, he says

ordinarily id call bullshit on terrible stinkin bs like that but i knoww you dont really lie about stuff / unless its to yourself / but thats wwhy i bother evven talking to you i wwouldnt evven be here SAYIN any of this otherwwise

Eridan trusts Kanaya quite a lot, here. Almost every other interaction between trolls in Hivebent expresses more doubt than this. So while Kanaya is probably pretty exasperated by Eridan's shit, Eridan sees her as a friend, possibly more than he does most other trolls. Even that line he drops at the end, the “it’s hard and no one understands” bit, that sort of thing is something I don’t think casual acquaintances usually say to each other.

His conversation with Gamzee is kind of interesting, because he clearly wants to cry to Karkat about his problems, but when he hears that Sollux is dead he acts very civil and only dips into the dramatic self pity a little after he realizes he won't get to talk to Karkat, when Gamzee asks  "ArE YoU SuRe i cAn't hElP A bRoThEr Up iNtO HiS MoThErFuCkIn cHiLl?"

i dont knoww / it probably doesnt matter / my feelins seem petty and meaninless noww / she had better things to wworry about than my ovverwwrought bullshit / like the dead guy wwho savved her / so forget it thanks anywway

We don't really have a lot of background on what Eridan is like with the others at this point, and with Gamzee being only one rung down from Eridan it seems a little tenuous to assume he's that civil with everyone, but he can at times recognize when he's being ovverwwrought and dial it back.

The interesting thing about all this is how small Eridan's confirmed circle is. Vriska's his ex-kismesis, Feferi's his ex-moirail, Karkat and Kanaya are his friends, and he doesn't like Sollux. How much does he interact with anyone else?

[stellarune]

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i have a kam cryptid au ok

its a human (mostly) au

or at least keefe is human

and he still lives with cassius, but gisela effed off

and its bad 

like cassius is still the emotionally abusive jerk he was before, but throw in some neglect and misplaced blame

so yeah anyways, keefe sometimes doesnt leave his room for days, and sometimes he just stays in the dark

so when he sees a human-like shadow form he just assmes hes been in the dark for too long and his eyes are playing tricks on him

anyways, he starts talking to it, because he coul really use a friend and its not like he can go out to see sophie, or the vackers, or dex

so he vents

he doesnt go in the details because he doesnt want to think about it in depth

but it feels g o o d to let it all out

and so whenever he has a bad day, he turns off the lights and looks at the corner of the room where the shadowman is until he appears

it becomes sort of an habit

he will start talking to the shaddow man even when nothing special has happened, just to tell him about this prank he pulled, or about the thing fitz has done or smth

he doesnt talk about the shadowman to his friends tho

they would think hes crazy

he wonders at which point the shadowman has becom a he and not an it

one time, he went out to get groceries and his dad forgot about him

locked him out

so hes stuck in the garden with three galons of milk and a kilo of tomatoes and two lemons and the rest

and he doesnt even know why but  thats the last straw

its not like his dad hasnt pulled shit like that before

but he just snaps because this time he cant evven go to his room and talk to the shadowman, because they hadnt even needeed the ggroceries but his dad made him go get them anyways

and when he stops crying and yelling at the world, he spots the shadow man in the corner of his eye, and thats when he thinks hes finally gone crazy, because he could have sworn he had talked

“i can hurt him if you want”

keefe freezes 

the shadowmans voice wasnt like anything hed ever heard

it wasnt distorted, or unnaturally deep, it was just a boy’s voice, but somehow, it didnt feel that way

either hes gone crazy or he had been talking to a minster about his problems for months

apparently the shadow man thinks his face is because of the suggestion he made, and not because he made a suggestion

“or make him dissapear. or just spook him”

keefe keeps staring at him for a few minutes

“are you real ?”

“what do you mean?”

“are you a real thing or am i just going crazy ? have you been listening to me all these months ?”

“what do you mean ? of course i was ! you started talking to me”

they stare at each other for a few seconds

and then keefe errupts in laughter because a monster just offered him to “spook” his dad because they considered them friends

not tht they werent 

it was a nice surprise to know you hadnt veen venting to the wind and something (someone ?) had been listening

keefe feels a bit less lonely when he falls asleep in his gerden

from that point on, their conversations are a bit less one sided, even if Shadowman, (or tam, thats his name, he told keefe) stays quiet most of the time

they get closer, as ones do when they are both sharing

at one point, when they are already heads over heels for each other, keefe brushes tams face, trying to cup his cheek

but in the dark its hard to evaluate the height difference so he ends up touching his bangs

that how they become silver

tam grunts that its gonna make his cryptid job harder, and keefe teases him relentlessly for them

they dont tell anyone, and keefes friends arent pushy

tam has a way of making himslef know tho

keefe doesnt know, and when he finds out, its one of the best laughs hes ever had

tam just stands in the middle of his friend’s room at night and because hes a whole emo, quetly hums mcr songs

keefe was surprised when sophie called him in the middle whispering about how her house was haunted by a ghost or a demo, and they had to get an exorcism right now keefe !!

as soon as he explains it to her, she accepts it, bc she has herself been talking to the lady in the water andshesverycute

fitz is the most chill about it

he just accepts that the weird shadowman is part of his life now

“oh i didnt know you were maried man” he says when he sees a ring on tams finger “my best bro has gotten engaged yesterday too

biana was weirded out at first, but they bond over marina and the diamonds

dex wants to test him

[xxforsaken-angelxx]

> Message your moirail back.

xxforsaken-angelxx im so sorry i knoww i shouldvve told you somethin first but fuckin i dont knoww, i didnt, i was rushin an i didnt knoww wwhat to say im here noww though hi

hortiicultured Hii.

xxforsaken-angelxx hi

hortiicultured are you okay?

xxforsaken-angelxx i havve a headache an im on so much adrenaline otherwwise im good

hortiicultured Okay. good. That'2 Good. are you goiing to tell me what that wa2 all about? What Wa2 2o Urgent That You Couldn't Even 2ay Anythiing To Me? and what we're 2uppo2ed to do now that we've got your fuckiing ance2tor tru22ed up liike twelfth periigee2 meal?

xxforsaken-angelxx he wwas keepin someone as secret prisoner on his ship an like that guy talks on here an hes miserable an i wwanted to see if i could get some info out of my ancestor wwithout it bein a big deal   but then i kinda like lost my shit an noww its a vvery big deal

hortiicultured IIt'2 Defiiniitely A Biig Deal! ii. ii could have *helped,* eriidan. II Would Have.

xxforsaken-angelxx i knoww :o( i should havve told you an you wwouldvve stopped me an i dont havve an excuse

hortiicultured you don't *know* what ii would have done, becau2e you diidn't giive me the chance.

xxforsaken-angelxx ok yeah still though im really sorry sollux

hortiicultured ...II Know. 2o what now...?

xxforsaken-angelxx so noww uh noww ivve got a guy here an my ancestors presumably still in the other room an i think said guy wwill be helpful but i dunno knoww wwhat to do about my ancestor

hortiicultured He II2 IIn Fact 2tiill IIn The Other Room. ...you found the guy? And... Brought Hiim Back.

xxforsaken-angelxx i found the guy an i brought him back an hes wwith me

hortiicultured all riight... ...II2 *He* Okay? from the 2ound of thiing2...

xxforsaken-angelxx emotionally he is havvin a real bad time right now but physically he seems okay

hortiicultured At Lea2t There'2 That. we really need to fiigure out what to do about your ance2tor.

xxforsaken-angelxx boy wwe really fuckin do

hortiicultured II Want To Be Able To Talk About Thii2 IIn Per2on And II Can't Really. Do That. iif ii'm 2tuck grub2iittiing hii2 2tupiid grea2y a22. Whiich II'm Doiing, Becau2e Fuck Know2 We Don't Need One Of Hii2 People Fiindiing Hiim. but they're goiing to fiigure out he'2 mii22iing 2ooner or later.

xxforsaken-angelxx i appreciate you so much for doin that you dont evven knoww howw about i just fuckin spitball some ideas though cause wwe need to get somewwhere wwith this

hortiicultured II Can't Thiink Of Anythiing Better At The Moment, 2o. 2piitball away. Al2o You'd Better. <>

xxforsaken-angelxx i lovve you so much anywways i got to the grease lightnin on this fuckin secret transport pad bullshit wwe havve so wwe could just send him back on that an see wwhere that goes other options include airlock makeshift jail puttin him back in the med wward an bribin the nurses

hortiicultured ...okay. Pro2 And Con2.

2end hiim back, he'2 probably goiing to kiick up a fu22 *immediiately*. Probably More Of One When He Fiigure2 Out That You 2tole Hii2...Prii2oner? What The Fuck II2 Even Goiing *On* There. make2hiift jaiil and briibiing the nur2e2, both could buy u2 2ome tiime but would defiiniitely only delay actually. dealiing. wiith thii2. And Hii2 People Are Almo2t Certaiinly Goiing To Come Lookiing 2ooner Or Later ...aiirlock. Not That II Feel Liike II 2hould *Really* Be Con2iideriing The Meriit2 Of 2omethiing Liike That, But II Can't 2ay IIt Ha2n't Been On My Miind. he'd be out of the piicture, but you'd have to deal wiith everythiing that would come of that, whiich. ii don't actually know iif iit would be better or wor2e than contiinuiing to deal wiith *hiim*.

...Al2o What IIf 2omeone 2aw Hiim Ju2t. Driiftiing. Out There.

xxforsaken-angelxx if wwe throww him out the airlock then itd immediately trigger my succession attempt so theres that

hortiicultured ...doe2 that feel liike 2omethiing you can hone2tly deal wiith riight now? Would IIt Be Worth IIt?

xxforsaken-angelxx i mean ivve been fuckin thinkin an ...thats wwhat im tryin to do anywways? evverythins fucked right noww an i wwant things to go my wway an not his so im essentially tryin to start takin the church an also, i brought the guy back cause i thought him existin might help wwith that too

hortiicultured eriidan, iif you're goiing to do thii2. You Can't... Do. *Thii2*. Agaiin. ii can't deal wiith beiing left iin the dark agaiin. Whatever Happen2.

xxforsaken-angelxx i wwould nevver i i cant tell you howw much i wwould fuckin nevver do this again im fuckin *terrified* an ivve been terrified all day i need you im lost wwithout you an i lovve you im not i wwasnt bein myself im not ok i snapped im not ok an i wwould still nevver do it again cause i feel awwful about hurtin you like that

hortiicultured ...okay. okay. We'll. Deal Wiith That, Too. Later. ...ii'm not. II *Wa2* Angry, And II Am Hurt, But. you 2cared me, ii wa2 worriied, ii diidn't know what you were doiing or what wa2 goiing to happen.

xxforsaken-angelxx i dont wwant to evver scare you like that again :o(

hortiicultured II Know. ii'd. rather be 2cared *wiith* you. You Know...?

xxforsaken-angelxx alwways

hortiicultured ii love you...

xxforsaken-angelxx i lovve you too i think wwe should send my ancestor back or somethin an find a place for my guy an then i wwanna just cry on you i think

hortiicultured ...yeah. Yeah. Okay... let'2 do that.

xxforsaken-angelxx i lovve you sollux

hortiicultured II Love You Too. more than anythiing...

[talesfrombeyondthebelly]

“Come into my parlor,” Said the spider to the fish.

I know I’m not great at titles but oh well. This is an Eri.Vr.is oral vore fic! Mainly because I’ve been doing some rps and been caught up in the great dynamic they have imo. This is a sfw fic, but again it is a vore fic so if you turn away I won’t be offended. That said, I hope you enjoy and I’m always open to criticism!

There would be an unceremonious sigh that would come from a certain violet blooded sea dweller as he fiddled with the pieces for his latest scheme to exterminate all the land dwellers. Or at least, that would be what he had claimed he was doing, he never truly planned to execute it both due to lack of ambition and the resources. Really, the boasting and bragging about what he planned to do wasn’t as much of a threat as he liked to claim it was, and truly it was more along the lines of a need for attention than any true plans of committal. 

It had been a slow night for one Eridan Ampora, and having wasted most of it attempting to message any troll to either gossip with three of them or spew some rhetoric he didn’t fully believe. But even then, all that was accomplished was that he was being ignored while he vied for attention. All that was left was to stay cooped inside and rewatch old documentaries as he idly fiddled with historical figure memorabilia.

That was, it was all he had to do until someone had decided to free him from his self-isolation.

AG: Heeeeeeeey, Eridan. ::::) 

The sea dweller would squint, he didn’t think his rival would message him after deciding not to message her first. They had broken up when they were six sweeps due to him boring and overbearing; but some time after they turned seven sweeps, Eridan’s attempts to renew their rivalry would pay off after much work and effort. And now they had been going strong even after they hit nine sweeps old.

However, he would roll his eyes at the sight, he knew her innocent seeming spider smile was anything but.

CA: wwhat do you wwant you cerulean blowwhard dont you knoww im busy AG: I’m hurt! After all I went through to check on my dear rival! I would have thought he liked someone giving him attention. AG: Oh well! Guess I’ll just leave you to your devices seeing how you’re *so* busy, CA: god damn it wwait CA: okay maybe i got a bit of an openin in my schedule to wwaste time wwith you AG: Please! The only one who’s going to be wasting their time is me, we 8oth know you’re pro8a8ly doing something 8oring like watching one of your lame documentaries. CA: theyre not LAME theyre goin to be your miserable dirt munchin dowwnfall soon enough AG: Oh???????? 8old claim from you Ampora. Seeing how I know you’re dead wrong. AG: Anyway! You’re coming over to my hive today right? AG: Why am I even asking? You o8viously forgot. CA: i didnt forget i totally fuckin remembered our meeting at your stupid and completely ridiculous hivve AG: It’s not stupid! What’s stupid is the fishbreath who 8uilt his hive surrounded 8y the ocean when he 8arely spends any time in the water. AG: Whatever, just come over. I’m not waiting all day for your dum8ass. CA: ugh fuckin fine CA: you still havvent told me wwhat specifically you wwanted to do ovver there anywway AG : :::;)

And with that, the conversation was brought to an end. Eridan would rub his temples, her purposely vague answer meant any number of things, usually which ended in his embarrassment in one way or the other. Of course, it was better to just go over as soon as possible rather than him wasting time by speculating, even if he did plan to make her wait to purposely be fashionably late. Something to put his pompous attitude on display. Soon enough, Eridan would don his scarf and cape before leaving his hive and embarking on the trip to Vriska’s.

The trip wasn’t terribly long, mainly because traversing through the ocean was far from an issue and her home conveniently overlooked the sea. Even so, Eridan would hold make sure to wait for an extra amount of time for no reason than to uphold the gesture that he was royalty. Feeling accomplished with his amazingly petty task, he would approach the door and knock a few times before waiting for her to answer as he dried himself off as he uncaptchalogued a few towels.

Vriska would answer the door surprisingly quickly, having not had the patience to return his petty actions before pulling him inside and closing the door behind them both. The expression on her face was blatant annoyance, but that was far from the norm regardless if it was actual exasperation or not. Eridan would up look at the other troll with a frown, even since they had gotten older he would find that she had sky rocketed past him in height. He had been a respectable  height of nearly six feet, while she had him beat by additional four feet, much to his unending irritation and to her endless amusement.

“You’re late. Even after I went and so kindly reminded you of our little arrangement. Well, I guess everything’s little to me when you’re short, but the point stands.” “yeah yeah keep braggin vvris i wwas towwerin ovver you before-” “Sure, you had a few inches on me when we were six! But now we’re nine and you’re still short, how do you explain that, hm?” That would cause him to shut up rather quickly, though he would dart his eyes around and attempt to come up with a retort, only to fold his arms and huff soon after. It wasn’t uncommon for trolls to grow as much as she did, but the fact that he wasn’t one of them meant that  discussions of height were biased in her favor. Her ten feet tall favor. His violet eyes would eventually return to her cerulean ones, there had been smile on her face, one that reeked of mischievous intent. Before he could open his mouth to question her intentions, she would cover his mouth with her hand, and some of his face as a natural consequence of the difference in size between them.

“Alright Ampora, shut up for a minute and listen. I had you come over because I had a proposition that’s going to 8enefit 8oth of us. Here’s the deal: You got two minutes to hide somewhere, and I’m going to seek you out. If I can’t find you in 8 minutes, you win! And if you pick somewhere dum8 and I find you, I win! And the loser has to do whateeeeeeeever the winner wants! Sound good? ::::)”

Eridan would try to speak his response, only for Vriska to keep her hand pressed against his face, only pulling back once he felt something wet trail along it. Irritation making itself apparent with a scoff, she would return the favor by grabbing one of his hands, sticking out her tongue and  slowly pressing the wet muscle against the other troll’s hand in a rather long lick before finally letting him go. His hand utterly drenched in saliva, Eridan’s face would scrunch up as he shook his hand dry while a small tinge of violet came across his face. It made her brief taste of him all the more delicious. 

“for fucks sake fine ill WWIN your stupid land suckin game and then wwe can do somethin wway less ridiculous and more dignified afterwwards” His statement was spoken with his usual amount of sea dweller pompous pride, even if the chips were stacked against him. Even so, he held his head up high and puffed his chest out, not about to turn down a challenge that was surely easy enough to win. She had a castle, there must have been plenty of places to hide.

“Good! Now get going Eridan, unless you want to 8e 8oring and lame and make this too easy.” She’d give him a wink, teasing him over her self-assured victory and a lick of her lips. She had no problem hinting at what she wanted to do once she won, it made it fun to see him squirm.

He’d pause for a moment and confidence turned into brief uncertainty in less than a minute, “wwait you mean right noww i havvent fuckin evven gotten to-” He cuts himself off as he sees her turn away and start to count, realizing that she wasn’t even going to wait for him to prepare himself. He’d scramble off, the sea dweller handling himself incredibly well on land even when he’s running around wearing a rather long cape. 

He wasn’t used to hiding as he was often hunting for the sake of Feferi’s lusus, but he would certainly try his hand at it to the best of his ability. Of course, his first two attempts were less than idea, having run to the very bottom of her hive to try and disguise himself by burying himself under her pile of miscellaneous belongings, only to realize he was shifting too much. He’d then decide to try his hand at hiding on one of the upper floors, deciding that hiding behind her pile of treasure would have been an unlikely spot seeing how he resented her various wins against him during their FLARP sessions. Unfortunately, this would prevent him from hiding there for long, as he does grow irritated looking at her spoils and decided to leave before it caused those pitch feelings to flair too much. Ultimately, he would decide to hide somewhere so obvious, Vriska would never think to check. He was confident in this idea, so much so that he decided to take it easy and relax in his new found spot, all he had to do now was wait 8 minutes and win. He means eight.

Vriska, predictably, did not count the entirety of two minutes before she began her hunt. Rather, she stopped once she got to eighty eight and decided that was enough for her. When she turned around, she half expected Eridan to standing right there out of spite and stubbornness about the whole thing but to her delight the violet blood was playing along. The question was where to find him, if she had to guess, it was probably somewhere dumb, like him. And so her very first guess was her trophy room, because of course he would think she’d skip over her own hoard of treasure to look for him. But upon making her way up the many stairs to check, she would find not a hair of him to found. She was a bit annoyed her first guess wasn’t right, but she had extra time to spare and her next guess would most certainly be right.

Except it wouldn’t The next room would be devoid of Eridan, and the next and the next. It would seem that no matter where she searched, he was nowhere to be found, it raise her irritation with him, and with it her hunger. The stomach of the ten foot cerulean would grumble as she briefly put a hand on it and huffed, she had to give her rival credit, he was doing a good job at making her work for this. And here she thought she’d grab an easy snack. But the warranty of it was  wearing off as time passed on, even with her head start, it would seem that Eridan was safe wherever he had chosen to hide. She couldn’t allow this to happen, she had planned for this all to go a certain way, and the fact that it wasn’t was unacceptable. Annoyed, she’d retire to her block for a moment, purely for the sake of trying not to get too caught up and at least try to remain rational about this. Only a minute to go, there wasn’t much time left, and Vriska was certain she had searched about every place there was to offer. Unless...

Without a word, Vriska would approach her wardrobe dresser, there was no way he’d hide in there right? It’d be dumb and stupid and completely ridiculous! Well, she didn’t have time, so she would ultimately waste not a moment more as she ripped open the doors to her wardrobe and... found her prize. Eridan for one was shocked with the sudden burst of light and appearance of Vriska, who apparently been frustrated looking for him. He wishes he could have seen the whole experience, but from the noises she made he got his fair share of entertainment. “8h my g8d, r8ally!!!!!!!! Y8u hid in my wardr88e????????” There was an unending amount of vitriol pouring from Vriska now, irritation at herself and him were flowing freely, and despite Eridan’s surprise, he would waste no time in displaying adjusting himself and nodding, “of course i hid here because i thought youd fuckin ovverlook it seein howw all your attire is plain as SHIT and it wworked just god damn fine seein howw a certain obnoxious glory lovvin troll took forEVVER to find me-” He would step out with a large amount of pride, quite certain he had won, only for his eyes  to dart over to the clock in her room and his face would immediately fall. She had found him with ten seconds to spare. “wwell fuck”

Vriska would try to take a moment to herself to not have too radical an outburst, she was upset, but she also wanted to savor her prize. The expression on Eridan’s face certainly helped “Wwell fuck is right! I win! And that meeeeeeeeans you have to do what I want, and I think we both know what that is.” A chill would go down his spine, while Eridan could be clueless at times, she had given him more than enough hints as to what she wanted. It certainly hadn’t been the first time they had done such a thing, but it was more than a bit embarrassing for him, which made give her some push back on the idea. “are you fuckin kiddin vvris you didnt say anythin about this bein your prize-” “Don’t 8e coy!” She’d interrupt him immediately, taking a step closer to him as he took a step back. “ I made it plenty clear! 8esides! I win, and you agreed to the terms right? It’s only fair I get what I’m promised.” 

Another step forward and he’d take another few steps back and bump into the wall behind him, Vriska smirking as she’d get closer to him, their bodies practically touching as she leaned down towards him and her lips would slowly part, strands of saliva breaking apart as he start down that cerulean abyss, taking a few teasing swallows as she inched closer before letting her warm breath washing over him and fogging up his glasses.  A few drops of drool would fall into his face before she’d close her mouth pull away, letting the situation sink in for the sea dweller as well as calm herself down, she may have had a bit of cerulean tint her cheeks in the same manner violet tinted his. Eating someone in this manner was embarrassing after all, which was why she’d only do it in private, not that she’d ever admit it out loud. Eridan had similarly shared the sentiment on the other side of the spectrum.

While embarrassment would go around on both ends, the sea dweller still contemplated making a run for it; the thought of being consumed always did trigger a fight or flight instinct, regardless of the fact that she probably wouldn’t digest him. Before he can even make an attempt however, his body is kept in place by hands on his shoulders, she had decided that she wasn’t going to give him the chance to scramble off and hide again, “I hope you’re ready, because you’re going to be in there for a while~” She would lean in again, salivating as she brought herself closer yet as her jaws widened to accept her meal. Slow warm breaths would beat against his skin as she drew tantalizingly close, all the while the fish troll would gulp nervously.

Instinctively, he would press his hands against her face as she started to lean in, he wasn’t about to let his hatemate have her meal without at least giving some fight back. One hand on her top lip and the other on her bottom, there’d be some push back as she slowly closed the distance between them yet again, it was a losing fight on his end as the predator drew closer and closer, letting him stare once again into her mouth before her tongue would slide out to press against his face and trail upwards, taking his glasses with it and causing him to loosen his hold. It was all he needed give the spider troll all the leeway she needed. Before he can even think about his mistake, she would jolt forward and wrap her lips around his neck, sealing him inside the jaws of the ever hungry troll. A hum of approval would resonate around the noble of troll royalty, reveling in the taste of victory and her meal, saliva being thoroughly slathered across his face during his various attempts to voice insults and protests. Though that wouldn’t stop him from trying. 

While it was certainly dark in the other’s mouth, being a nocturnal species meant that Eridan could see each and every detail as she made sure to truly make him squirm. It wouldn’t be long before she’d take the first swallow, letting his glasses slide along her tongue before they were unceremoniously pulled down her gullet Of course. with that swallow, he would be brought only a short distance away from the opening in her throat, as his shoulders would be brought in next. Her teeth would be pressed against his clothes to  keep him in place as his struggles and attempts to free himself grew stronger despite the situation going in the opposite direction for him. Her tongue would waste no time in running over the formerly dry parts of the troll, drenching the top of his shirt as drool as she decided to move on with her meal and take the gulp that would trap him inside her throat and bulge it out with his struggling form.

His head now captured in a pulsating throat, Vriska can continue her meal in confidence he won’t wiggle out. Her hands would move to keep his arms pinned to his sides as she moved further down his body, a hum flowing freely as she continued this consumption of him. Drool would pool in her mouth and dripping down as his chest was next to slide between her jaws as Eridan was tugged further down her throat, slightly bulging it out as he defiantly tried to move it around. Her tongue was relentless in running along the fabric she brought into her mouth, it was a bit tasteless and bland, and she regrets not shredding the shirt when she had the chance, but she ultimately makes do. Mainly by lapping at the shirt to lubricate it before taking another swallow, sending him further down the slimy gullet.

Her lips and fangs now reach his hips, and his stomach is safely contained within her mouth. Now she could have a bit more fun with him. Her tongue would curl under the bottom of his shirt to gain access to his skin yet again, an unadulterated groan escaping her to make it well known how much she just enjoyed this feeling, the noises ringing through his ears amidst his own grunts and swears. She’d stop her swallowing for a moment, reveling in the taste and wanting him to squirm a bit longer for her and attempt to fight back against the intrusive tongue as it rubbed against him,  only to end up rubbing his body more against the wet muscle, her taste buds gets all the flavor she could ever want. What probably gets the biggest reaction from her is when she gives attention to his grub scars, which are oddly enough, pretty delicious for a reason she couldn’t quite explain. But they do elicit some sounds from Eridan was well, mainly increasingly flustered insults as he keeps kicking wildly. It was quite enjoyable a feeling if she were to be honest.

While she could have kept slathering, lapping and sucking on him for a considerable amount of time, a sudden loud growl would emerge from her stomach, reminding her that she was quite hungry still. And so, she’d wrap her hands around his legs to keep them still as the next series of gulps condemned the violetblood to his fate. There would be only the briefest moment where she would remove his shoes before finally sealing the deal, tracing the last of the troll’s form down with one hand as she pushed him down to her stomach. A long sigh would come out of her as she laid on back and massage her now bloated stomach. It was a lot of work to get him down and she was blue in the face, but she had done it. She could feel him fighting and hear his complaints both of which were more than annoying when she was trying to relax, but damn, it was always satisfying to do this. 

 Eridan, for his part, always had conflicting feelings about this. His face flushed violet and his entire body was absolutely drenched in ever warm saliva, it and he was now surrounded by a brilliant shade of blue that made up her stomach walls. He attempt to push and stretch it to its limits and cause her indigestion as a form of revenge, but all he would be met with was a few gurgles as the stomach churned around him. Luckily, it didn’t seem like he was going to be digested, otherwise he would have been splashing stomach acids all over him from his struggles, instead of other contents in her stomach. It included a few eight balls and dice, unsurprisingly. Despite his best efforts, he would only slightly stretch out her grey skin as Vriska could see her bloated stomach wiggling and bulging with his form, she was content to keep him in there.

It would be a few minutes before Eridan’s protests would die down and he’d resign himself for now as he attempt to get comfortable against the soft stomach lining that surrounded him. As embarrassing as this had been, he had expending his stamina and his frustration dying down to contempt. It would allow her to relax a bit more and close her eyes. She thinks she’s going to take a nap before they do anything else. She might let him out later but for now, this was just another mark of victory for her. It was fun, they’ll have to do this again sooner rather than later.

[amicicidalgambler]

=> Sometime In The Past...

trolljacksparrow

thats ADORABLE

you twwo are really adorable

amicicidalgambler

Listen.

trolljacksparrow

yeeeeeeees?

amicicidalgambler

Technically it's your fault 8ecause I'm in a good mood 8ecause of you and Meenah gets all mushy a8out that.

trolljacksparrow

awwwwww

wwell she does lovve you

amicicidalgambler

...I wouldn't say that.

trolljacksparrow

wwhy not?

amicicidalgambler

8ecause she doesn't?

trolljacksparrow

but

like

look at howw she acts around you and howw she talks about you

also look at you! wwho /wwouldnt/ lovve you?

amicicidalgambler

The vast majority of people, Nadaya.

trolljacksparrow

i mean true but shes not the vvast majority of people!

amicicidalgambler

Okay.

To 8e clear.

What do you mean 8y 'love' in this context specifically.

trolljacksparrow

i mean like

lovve

you knoww

your heart losing its absolute mind and like

you lovve me and you lovve psii and you lovve equius

yeah?

amicicidalgambler

Equius is different.

trolljacksparrow

yea? howws he different?

amicicidalgambler

...I don't love him, I just feel 8ad saying it.

trolljacksparrow

huh, howw do you feel about him then?

amicicidalgambler

I don't know right now?

8ut I don't love him.

And I don't know if I can.

trolljacksparrow

but you care about him, yeah?

amicicidalgambler

Yeah.

As my 8est friend.

trolljacksparrow

i mean...you care about him, you dont wwant him hurt, you trust him to help you - do you wwant to help him?

thats like

isnt that good enough?

amicicidalgambler

I don't really want to talk a8out it right now.

All I mean is that Meenah's the kind of person who'd say she loves someone in a platonic friend way, and do you mean *that*, or do you mean like, quadrant feelings.

8ecause it sounds like the second one.

trolljacksparrow

thats totally fine, ♣️

second one is wwhat i mean!

amicicidalgambler

...Damn.

trolljacksparrow

damn?

wwhy damn?

amicicidalgambler

I didn't want that to happen ::::(

trolljacksparrow

wwhy evver not????????

amicicidalgambler

She can't 8e in love with me, man.

I can't love her, and I can't d8 her, so that's just

Fuck.

trolljacksparrow

...wwhy cant you date her? wwhats stopping you?

amicicidalgambler

Literally every8ody else d8ing her, for starters.

Plus I just...can't do that.

trolljacksparrow

not one of them wwould mind, otherwwise meenah wwould not be wwith you like that? like. meenah wwould not betray her datemates, so clearly they must be fine wwith it

you cant? wwhy not, murdercat - youvve already gotten close to her, yeah?

amicicidalgambler

She has a family, Nadaya.

She has a 8unch of impressiona8le wrigglers and a 8ig clade of people who actually care a8out her.

Even if they're all fine with me d8ing her, I can't 8e like them, and I don't want to 8e the one unrelia8le fuck in the system either.

trolljacksparrow

you dont havve to be like them. she likes you just the wway you are.

and youre not unreliable.

youre a beautiful gleaming knife - shes lucky to havve someone like you on her side! you dont havve to be a bleeding heart rebel to be her clade, and her clade doesnt havve to be your clade

amicicidalgambler

I don't love her, though.

trolljacksparrow

you dont gotta?

amicicidalgambler

Yes I do.

trolljacksparrow

wwhy?

amicicidalgambler

8ecause she deserves someone that cares a8out her pro8lems and gets along with people and everything.

trolljacksparrow

you can care about her problems wwithout havving the lovve component! actions are like, kinda more important than feelings?

i mean, getting along wwith people is optional - fuck knowws i dont get along wwith all of xanthes people, ugh

but i can tolerate emand you can tolerate wwhoevver of meenahs you havve a problem wwith

amicicidalgambler

I *can* care 8ut I *don't*.

trolljacksparrow

do you wwant to?

amicicidalgambler

I don't know?

I can't really decide to want to?

trolljacksparrow

yeah that makes sense

amicicidalgambler

I 8arely care a8out any8ody's pro8lems. That's just how I am.

trolljacksparrow

no thats fair

but like, you can still help evven if you don't give a fuck, cause you like her, i guess?

i dont knoww man

youre pretty close to her, like, i don't think the situation is like any of your past entaglements

the irrelevvant ones you murdered

amicicidalgambler

Mostly.

trolljacksparrow

mostly?

amicicidalgambler

It's different minus the part where I still don't care much.

And like, assuming I could help her at all, I *could* do it just 8ecause I like her.

8ut I don't *want* to.

I never have. 8ecause I'm a 8astard.

And she doesn't need to 8e d8ing a 8astard.

trolljacksparrow

shes also a bastard!

amicicidalgambler

She is not.

And even if she is, she's surrounded 8y people who aren't and will just fucking side-eye me for eternity.

trolljacksparrow

i mean

its not like youvve been pretending!

youre being, like - you're not pretending to be anything other than wwhat you are, like, sure it took a wwhile to actually like be yourself around her but being guarded is different than being a wwhole nother person! its not like youvve been putting on airs of being like a Little Miss Helpful Rebel blah blah 8lah, so if shes fallen for you, shes fallen for wwho you are, yeah? and shes not stupid, either!

amicicidalgambler

She's fallen for *me*, 8ut that doesn't mean it's a good idea.

trolljacksparrow

man, evverything youvve said has boiled dowwn to "im bad for meenah" and like is that like, the entirety of wwhy youre like "fuck" or?

amicicidalgambler

I mean, yeah.

trolljacksparrow

wwhy not trust meenah to knoww wwhat shes getting into?

amicicidalgambler

8ecause that's not going to stop me from overthinking it.

Also if I'm right and I let her anyways then I'm just more of a 8itch!

trolljacksparrow

havve you considered........that youre wwrong?

amicicidalgambler

It feels statistically unlikely.

trolljacksparrow

but not impossible

amicicidalgambler

Theoretically.

trolljacksparrow

wwhat if it happened, though? if it wwas the wway i said and not the wway you ovverthinked?ovverthought

amicicidalgambler

If I was d8ing her and I was wrong then I'd just 8e d8ing her?

trolljacksparrow

but...it wwould be nice????????

amicicidalgambler

It would 8e. 8ut admittedly it's kind of hard to imagine.

Not even in a negative way, really. I just never know what I want.

> The conversation dropped off there. Or more specifically, it had dropped off there a few perigees ago. After that, you didn’t talk to Meenah, and Meenah didn’t happen to talk to you, and there was nothing you did about any of it except think.

> And think you did.

> You...knew that what you said in regards to yourself and Meenah was often self-deprecating in tone. To you it was just logic, that someone who was good and relied on a support system of good people didn’t need an evil black sheep in the works, but you knew how it sounded. And maybe it really was unreasonable. Maybe you were just paranoid or whatever.

> But there had to be a line. A line where you were knowingly letting someone enter a relationship that wouldn’t have the benefits everyone says they should have. And...and if not that, a line where you were knowingly entering a relationship where you were convinced that was the case.

> Originally that latter point was just out of spite. A prepared ‘gotcha’ for the next time you tried to argue about it. They wouldn’t believe that you shouldn’t be with her, so maybe you should take it a step back, say that thinking you shouldn’t be with her meant you shouldn’t be with her! But...at some point, you realized it made more sense than you thought.

> If you were actually dating Meenah, you’d be overthinking everything even more than you did now. Way more. It’d be a situation where you were forever walking on eggshells. One where you calculated and re-calculated every little thing because you were convinced you were inherently bad for her. Always denying her care because you couldn’t care enough back. Forever uncomfortable because she loved you, and you did not and could not love her.

> At some point, it took over as the center of your considerations. You couldn’t stop believing that you just weren’t right for her, not really, but it stopped being the center of your reasoning. Maybe it was that she wasn’t right for you. It made you uncomfortable. It wouldn’t be good for yourself. You’d feel stressed, and you’d feel trapped, and there was no way for you to know if there’d even be a light at the end of that tunnel. But...you didn’t have to wait and find out.

> You could break up with her because you were concerned for yourself. It was possible to put yourself first without being cruelly selfish towards her.

[xiaojusaur]

A/N: Gosh I took forever to write these! But finally here it is! Im going so slowly but surely! Hope you guys enjoy!!

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

You were in the art club because you needed an extracurricular to graduate. It was such a happy place with such nice people.

Between the students there was a boy who always was very focused in his work. You won’t ever forget the first day of class. You all were painting and dicussing the first tips when this guy arrived all lost and without breath looking for the classroom. Kim Taehyung was his name.

He was very handsome with his tanned skin and blue hair. He had a deep voice that could make anyone swoon at his feet, but he rarely took advantage of his attributes as he was very humble. Or so you thought. He was always inside his canvas, trying to be the best he could. You could see he was really into art.

Girls around campus would do anything to go out with him and you don’t know how, there were rumors that he was a heartbreaker. You confirmed those rumors one afternoon after going out of class when you saw him pinning a girl against a wall while kissing her passionately. Your best friend couldn’t believe it when you told her. 

It was a bummer since you thought there was still nice guys that liked art. You even thought you were starting to have a crush on him, but then you pushed it aside because you weren’t about to have your heart broken. 

It was the worst day on the calendar: Valentine’s Day. School was full of lovebirds, flowers, heart-shaped balloons, and red. For you, this day was a nightmare. To top it all, today you had to stay for art club, but maybe that was going to be the only good thing of the day. 

The teacher decided to go with the Valentine’s theme and she made you paint what love meant to you. You were thinking so hard on what to paint that you didn’t noticed Taehyung wasn’t in the classroom. Maybe he was on a date with one of his many girls. Poor souls. 

You started doodling when suddenly the classroom went silent. You peeped from behind the easel to see Taehyung with a big bouquet of purple roses. Those were beautiful!!! You thought maybe he was waiting to get out of class to give them to someone but then he walked to you and said, “Hey um... Y/N... maybe you haven’t noticed or maybe you don’t want to but I’ve been having the huggest crush on you and yeah... would you go out with me?”

You were shocked. How come you didn’t notice? He never threw signs. In your confusion and while waiting for your response the whole class started to “Awwwwww”. He just said “You don’t have to answer now, you can take your time and think about it. And yeah... these are for you.” He gave you the bouquet and you almost faint! Nobody has given you flowers before, you never thought Kim Taehyung was going to be the first one. You took them carefully while mumbling a thanks. He whispered, “You can answer after we finish.” You just nodded and kept with what were you doing. 

Ironically you were painting some purple hearts but hence he gave you purple roses, you painted them too. 

After the club hours finished, he was the first one to walk out of the classroom. You didn’t know what to do. He was a player, you’ve seen it with your own eyes.You decided to make him wait a little and texted your best friend:

SOS I’m in a crisis.

She replied almost right away

WHAT?! WHAT HAPPENED?! ARE YOU OKAY?!

I’m fine, it’s just the weirdest thing happened. 

What happened? It can’t be good since it’s Valentine’s...

Well, you remember Taehyung? The guy I told you about? He just asked me out. He brought flowers and everything IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CLASS.

Whoa. Since when? Wow, he’s sure full of surprises. But you like him, so you should give him the chance.

But he had his tongue down some other girl’s throat a few days ago... i dont feel safe.

Y/N, my dear, life is about taking risks. What’s the worst that could happen? 😙

You thought about that and she was right. You did like him, so why not?

You picked up your things and walked out of the classroom, he was leaning on the wall, waiting for you. You got all nervous when you saw him there, you never thought this was going to happen 

“So?” he said as soon as you stepped in front of him. 

“I... would like to go out with you. BUT NO FUNNY BUSSINESS OKAY?” you warned him. 

He just laughed and said “Fine by me, nothing you don’t wanna do. How about tomorrow night?”

“Sure,” you said as you nod. 

“Text me your adress, I’ll pick you up,” he said winking. 

You felt your cheeks burning, “Sure... um... give me your number, maybe?”

“So smooth!” he joked, making you rolled your eyes.

You registered his number and after that, he said “Alright, see you tomorrow, cutie.” 

He just walked away and left you there with a blushing face and the dumbest smile. 

The next day you spent the day nervous. Your friend was so done with you. After you and Taehyung texted all night long, you couldn’t wait for tonight. You’ve decided to go see a movie and then just walk around. Nothing too special. 

At lunch, you were sitting with your friend at the cafeteria when Taehyung appeared out of nowhere and sat by your side, not caring if anyone saw you together. “He cutie, what’s up?” He kissed your cheek in front of everyone!! You were devastated.

“Taehyung!  What are you doing?!” You whispered panicking. Your friend just bursted laughing. 

“I’m letting people know how happy I am,” he said.

You weren’t used to these things, you felt kinda weird, but were just letting things flow. 

You were finishing your makeup when you heard the phone ding. 

I’m here, cutie 

You always sighed when he called you that. You finished and got out. 

There he was, laying on his car, with a green jacket, a stripped shirt, black jeans, and white converse. A total high school cutie. He had an old mini suv, but at least he had a car! 

“Hey,” you said greeting him, smiling shyly.

“Hey, you look stunning sweetheart,” he said, embracing you in a tight hug. He was so warm, you could stay there forever. He also smelled so nice, it was something like lavander, really addictive. 

“Wow you smell so nice,” you couln’t contain yourself.

“Thanks, it’s just my body wash,” he smiled. “Should we go?” He said as he opened the passenger’s door for you. He was being such a gentleman. 

When you were at the movies, he bought you popcorn and soda, he also didn’t let you pay for your ticket. You were in awe with his behaviour. 

You chose an action movie because neither of you were so fond of mistery movies, you two were cowards.  

In the middle of the movie he threw his arms over your shoulders, the smooth move. You laughed and he just looked at you confused.

“What?” he whispered in your ear.

“Nothing, just a smooth move,” you giggled.

“Sorry, if you want I can just...” he started taking his arm off but you interrupted him.

“No no no, it’s fine,” you smiled.

The rest of the movie was you both looking eyeing at each other when one of you weren’t looking. A few times your eyes would meet and then you both would turn around, blushing of embarassment. 

When it was over, he wanted to walk around, just to see the streets at night, super cheesy. You never thought of him like a romantic, but apparently he was full of surprises. 

Walking side by side, out of nowhere he took your hand. While his fingers slid between yours, the butterflies in your stomach started flying wildly. He noticed how bubbly you got so he tried to let go, but you just held him tighter.

It was the perfect date, straight out of a drama. You two walking through the streets, hand in hand, laughing, looking at each other. 

When he took you back to your house, he evven got off the car to open your door and walk you to the porch. Was he even real?

He took both your hands in his, by then you were already a smiling fool. 

He was looking at you tenderly and you couldn’t stop from blushing and giggling. “Stop it Tae! You’re gonna make me faint due to lack of blood in the rest of my body.”

“That’s alright,” he said, “that way I’ll have an excuse to kiss you.”

Breathing? We don’t know her. You felt your lungs going empty, but your mouth was faster than your mind so you just said, “You don’t need any excuse, you can just kiss me.” You were shocked by your own words.

His eyes went wide and in a nano second his big hands were holding your cheeks, and his lips were centimeters away from yours. “You can back out now,” he whispered, but you closed the distance between you two, kissing his lips softly and shyly. 

He pressed his lips a little stronger, they were soft, so addictive. When you were decided to deepen the kiss, he pulled back. You felt dizzy, in a bliss. 

“I guess I’ll see you at school,” he said trying to say goodbye. 

“Yeah...” you said spaced out.

“I- don’t wanna push you but, is there a possibility we can go out again?” he asked  insecure. So cute!

“Sure! It was fun, it was perfect. Thanks so much,” you said smiling. He smiled back at you his beautiful boxy smile that drives you insane. 

You saw him walk to his car and then leave. After breathing a deep sigh of happiness, you entered your house to jump into bed and fangirl about tonight. 

@oddlymnsmh 

[paradoxcase]

ace-mcspades replied to your link “Homestuck Troll Slang - Pastebin.com”

I always got the impression that “thinkpan” was skull, although my brain tends to automatically do shit like that on account of the specific (apparently weird?) way I work from context, and also I need words to mean things

Hmm, let’s look at it:

Evidence for “skull”:

CG: RIGHT NOW THERE'S A LUMBERJACK SPLITTING WOOD ON MY THINK PAN.

CG: JADE, PLEASE EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO PAINT MY FACE TO OUTWARDLY REFLECT THE BEAUTY OF MY INNER AWAKENING, AND DRUB MY THINK PAN MERCILESSLY TO REDUCE MY INTELLIGENCE TO THE LEVEL NECESSARY TO SUSTAIN THESE BELIEFS.

TC: make your worst fears come alive and get up on their haunts in your naphappy pan.

TEREZI: TH3 WORST TH1NG 1SNT 3V3N HOW BR1GHT 1T 1S, OR HOW TH3 W1CK3D 3L1X1RS WR34K1NG H4VOC ON MY P4N

KARKAT: "MORE SHRILL NOISES, LIKE GOD PLAYING THE EDGE OF A GLASS INSIDE YOUR THINK PAN"

KARKAT: I FORGET ALREADY. WHEN I TRIPPED AND FULFILLED MY DESTINY AS A WARRIOR, I MUST HAVE HIT MY THINK PAN HARDER THAN I THOUGHT.

Evidence for “brain/mind”:

GA: The Speech Has Become Emblazoned On My Think Pan

ERIDAN: youvve got nothin to fear noww ivve reached a neww heights of powwer no one else can dream of not evven mindfang wwith her garish orange swweatsuit and her silly flappy wwings and all her poppycock about luck wwhich evveryone wwith a think pan knowws to be the fakest fiction that evver failed to exist

TC: RUSTS YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN THINK PAN.

CG: MY THINK PAN, IT HURTS  

CG: IT IS PRESENTLY THREATENING TO MAKE ME ITS BITCH, JOHN. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?   

CG: DO YOU WANT YOUR COOL ALIEN PAL TO BECOME THE BITCH OF A RAW, THROBBING THINK PAN?????

TC: I HAVE THE IDEA THAT YOU PUT IN MY PAN TO SIT THERE.

KARKAT: SERIOUSLY, IT COULD REALLY EXPAND YOUR LIMITED HUMAN THINK PAN ON STUFF.

LATULA: wh4ts on your th1nk p4n, po-m4ry.

ARANEA: Whatever the case, it was pro8a8ly for the 8est, since pretty much everyone who had half a think pan thought it was all a 8unch of ridiculous nonsense.

ERISOLSPRITE: ii dont evven knoww wwhy ii bothered floatiing dowwn thii2 liittle gra22y gulch twwo fliip you the daiily biird. ii mu2t be out of my already tortured pan twwo bother wwiith ANY of you ovveremotiional fuckbag2.

ARQUIUSPRITE: [shades] --> You just do not have the right kind of think pan to sustain that emotion

KANAYA: How Are We Supposed To Solve That Problem When Your Think Pan Is Addled So!

???

CA: its already been painfully established you people cant get your shalloww think pans under the majesty of our quadrants (as written it looks like “mind”, but I could also see “shallow think pan” as analogous to “thick skull” here)

MEENAH: so you just totally flipped your think pan is all (????)

It seems likely it could be both, and maybe somewhat more, as well.  It’s a pretty versatile term.

[pesterloglog]

Eridan Ampora, Kanaya Maryam

Act 5, page 2343

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

CA: kan make her talk to me do somethin

GA: Who

CA: your no good connivvin fuckin backstabbin girl crush thats wwho

GA: Overstating Our Relationship Wont Make Me Feel Very Cooperative

GA: Its Paler Red Than That Ok

CA: pshhhhhh that is a fuckin laugh and you knoww it evveryone does

CA: so help me out tell her to talk to me i think she blocked me you got to

GA: Why Do I Got To

GA: I Dont Got To And Every Time You Take My Help For Granted I Feel Like I Got To A Little Less

CA: wwhatEVVER you are so the vvillage twwo wwheel devvice wwhen it comes to auspisticing

CA: you cant let a grudge go by you wwont stick your busy stem betwwixt so get wwith the program fussyfangs

GA: If Your Slander Werent So Predictable Id Block You Too For Saying That

GA: Has It Occurred To You She May Have Blocked You Because You Are Vvery Ovverbearing

GA: I Just Said That Aloud Now In Your Silly Accent And Had A Private Moment Of Enjoyment

CA: wwho givves a shit wwhy she blocked me or about my fuckin manners come on youvve got a wway wwith her

CA: i figure if youre going to auspisticize any twwo brinesuckers wwho sneer at each other a funny wway you might as wwell make it official and be ours right

GA: Your Black Solicitation Just Seems Really Indecent

GA: What Do You Want From Her Anyway

CA: she made me somethin per a prior arrangement

CA: she wwill delivver it wwhen wwe meet in this game but i dont knoww wwhat the logistics are yet

CA: im tryin to connoiter wwith her here but shes blowwin me off again fickle dirtscrapin landhag

GA: What Is It

CA: kan stupid wwhat do you think its a fuckin gizmo to bloww up the wworld or somethin

CA: ok wwell not that obvviously

CA: but somethin thatll kill all land dwwellers wwhat else wwould i be after

GA: Can You Just For A Moment Entertain The Thoughts Of One Untouched By Megalomaniacal Derangement And Tell Me Why Id Want To Assist You With That

CA: wwell

CA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionable

CA: wwhat kind of friend wwould i be

GA: Also Speculate For A Moment That Self Preservation Might Not Be What Would Sway My Decision

CA: yeah go ahead and kiss us off but therell be blood on your hands

CA: you could either play along as our auspistice and do a little mediating like you wwere fuckin hatched to

CA: or wwatch she and me devvolvve into fuckin full fledged kismesisses the kind like you dont get once in ten thousand swweeps

CA: you knoww thats wwhat it wwould be there wwould be rainboww rivvers runnin through star systems and all nebulizin like liquid firewworks

CA: it wwill be beautiful and heartbreaking all at once

CA: you should read up on your history instead of poring through that godawwfull sunny rubbish

GA: Its Just

GA: Laborious Listening To This

GA: Im Sorry

GA: None Of It Matters

CA: yeah it does its important sorry but the fate of the race and purity of the bloodline is important excuse me for being concerned

GA: I Know

GA: But You Really Should Know By Now The World Will End Tonight Regardless

GA: Land And Sea Dwellers Alike Will All Die

GA: Because Of The Game We Are About To Play

GA: And I Agree The Fate Of The Race Is Important But Its In My Hands Now

GA: All Of Ours Really

CA: huh

CA: wwell ok

GA: Really

CA: ordinarily id call bullshit on terrible stinkin bs like that but i knoww you dont really lie about stuff

CA: unless its to yourself

CA: but thats wwhy i bother evven talking to you i wwouldnt evven be here SAYIN any of this otherwwise

CA: so did your clouds tell you that

GA: The Doomsday Scenario In Particular

GA: No Not Exactly

CA: i got clouds and they dont tell me SHIT they hide nothin but misfortune and monstrosities

CA: fuckin pain in the ass fuckin clouds

CA: so howw do you knoww then

GA: I Have Another Source

CA: ok wwell you are jacked tight the fuck into this thing in so many wways i dont knoww wwhat to say anymore

CA: wwhatevver wwe wwill just play and find out i guess

CA: so can you tell her to talk to me anywway

GA: No

CA: god dammit

CA: she and me are teammates wwevve got to havve a powwwwoww or SOMETHING

GA: You Arent Actually On The Same Team

CA: fuck

CA: fine i get it ill step off

CA: you dont wwant to be our auspistice cause you dont wwant to get locked into that sort of relation wwith her i can respect that

GA: No Thats Not It

CA: yeah it is your real feelins run pretty awwful RUDDY methinks evverybody knowws it

CA: especially that assblood karkat he and me havve you so pegged about that its upright silly

CA: but its cool its totally fine dont wworry ill leavve you alone and givve you a shot

GA: Its Unbelievable

GA: Her Patience

CA: wwhat

CA: wwhoa wwait wwho

GA: Never Mind

CA: ok wwait did she talk to you today

CA: wwhat did she say

CA: or glub or wwhatevver

GA: Something About Longing To Touch You Indiscretely

CA: WWWWHAT

GA: And That Shes Basically In The Scarlet Throes For You

GA: As Deep In The Flushed Quadrant As One Can Be

CA: wwait

CA: did she actually say that

CA: in confidence

GA: To The Letter

CA: can you copy exactly wwhat she said

GA: Absolutely Not

CA: this is bullshit youre bee essing me in some wway awwful

CA: you dont lie but you do tease and ill tranfuse my kickass royal blood out wwith incontinent musclebeast discharge if i wwont knoww wwhen im gettin hooked

GA: Yeah

GA: Shes Just A Concerned Moirail

GA: Looking Out For You

GA: Thats All

CA: awwww fuck

CA: see im tellin you

CA: you got to play your cards right

GA: What Do You Mean

CA: if youre not savvvvy about howw you define yourself to people

CA: you can just splash into the moirail zone before you knoww wwhich wways upwward

GA: Oh

GA: Hmm

CA: kan its hard

GA: What

CA: being a kid and growwing up

CA: its hard and nobody understands

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

[tired-wolfe]

CGs Comfy Place

Large Pesterlog below cut

CHW RIGHT NOW opened memo on board GGS COMFY PLACE. CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CCG: AYO IT'S KANKRI. CHW: Its alm9st danger9us h9w when I'm typing elsewhere and the mem9 69ard thing p9ps up, if I d9n't n9tice 6ecause im typing it'll just enter me int9 the mem9, haha, 6ut hell9, it is me. CURRENT gardenGnostic104 [CGG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CGG: oh, hi there! CCG: SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING THE OTHER DAY... I...GOT WOKEN UP. CURRENT gallowsCalibratorr [CGC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CGC: Y3S H1 CURRENT ectoBiologists [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CEB: hi! CURRENT timaeusTestified [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CTT: Hello, everyone. CGG: ok, i got a video, i don't know if you saw or heard it before CGG:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Se9TyhKuXqE CHW: Y9u are fine Karkat, I understand. Th9ugh I did miss y9u when y9u were g9ne. There was s9 much left I had t9 sh9w y9u. S9 we'll have t9 d9 that again, may6e when y9u d9n't have t9 6ash y9ur head int9 a desk t9 d9 s9. H9w, is y9ur head 6y the way? CCG: WOW. CGC: H4H4 1V3 S33N TH4T  B3FOR3 CGC: FUNNY SH1T CCG: YOU JUST WHOLEASS TOLD AN ENTIRE MEMO ABOUT THE DESK INCIDENT. CCG: THAT WAS *CONFIDENTIAL*, KANKRI. CHW: 9h- CGC: H4H4HH4 CHW: s9rry CGC: BUST3D CGC: OOOH SN4P CHW: # I'm really 6ad at letting cats 9ut 9f 6ags CGC: 1T W4S WORTH 1T CEB: why are you bashing your head into desks?? CHW: # Y9u have t9 tell me 6ef9re hand that its c9nfidential 9therwise I assume its pu6lic kn9wledge CCG: TO FALL ASLEEP. CGC: DO YOU N33D 4 B4ND 41D FOR YOUR BOO BOO K4RK4T CCG: ):B CGC: H4H4H4 CHW: Karkey has sleeping pr96lems 6ut came t9 visit me in the 6u66le~ CCG: YOU'RE ALL ASSES. I'LL SMITE EVERYONE IN THIS MEMO. CCG: KANKRI SHUT UP. CCG: ANYWAYS. CEB: i mean, i guess that's one way to do it. have you tried laying in a troll slime bed thing and closing your eyes? CHW: # I'll shut up, s9rry CCG: NO, JOHN, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NEVER TRIED TO FALL ASLEEP BY NORMAL MEANS, NOT EVEN A SINGLE FUCKING TIME IN MY WHOLE LIFE. WHAT A RIDICULOUS CONCEPT! CHW: # sn9rt CEB: you should try it sometime. :B CHW: # y9ung me was the same CCG: I WANT TO THROTTLE YOU. CGC: C4LM 1T HOT HORNS CHW: Karkey d9n't use vi9lence CCG: YOU JUST CALLED ME KARKEY IN FRONT OF A GOOD NUMBER OF PEOPLE. CCG: I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR FUCKING KNEECAPS. CHW: Yes? Is, that a pr96lem? I th9ught- 6ut, its just a cute nickname CHW: # sad CCG: I'M DYING INSIDE. CEB: rest in peace. </3 CGG: oh, gosh, i think we just derailed a bit CCG: I'M FORCING ERIDAN TO GET HIS ASS OUT OF BED SO HE CAN JOIN THIS MEMO. CGC: OH GOG CEB: i don't think there was ever any rails. CHW: 9h g9d CHW: Why 6ring the Amp9ra int9 this? CGC: 1M JUST SLOWLY F4D1BG 4W4Y CCG: HEY, ERIDAN IS PRETTY COOL, SHUT THE FUCK UP GUYS. CHW: # Please d9n't ask me t9 get Cr9nus 6ecause I'd s99ner d9u6le die CHW: /:6 CCG: NO ONE SAID SHIT ABOUT CRONUS. YOU'RE THE ONE WHOSE MIND ALWAYS GOES TO HIM. CEB: i don't know either of them. CCG: THERE HE IS. HEY ERIDAN. CHW: My mind isn't ALWAYS 9n him CCG: YOU SURE? CGG: hi, eridan! CHW: 9h g9d h9w c9uld say such gr9ss stuff CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CCA: hey CCG: IT REALLY SEEMS LIKE IT IS. CHW: Hell9 9ther amp9ra. CCG: YOU ALWAYS FUCKING TALK ABOUT HIM DUDE. CHW: N-n9 n9 I am n9t! CCG: HIS NAME IS ERIDAN, NOT "OTHER AMPORA". CHW: I d9 n9t always 6ring up Cr9nus. # excuse me while I g9 thr9w up CCG: DUDE. CCA: lets not talk about that primitivve praisin lump a grease in my prescence the read a such comparisons alone makes me wwanna throww up CCG: JEEZ, OK. SOMEBODY'S IN DENIAL. CCA: lets just CHANGE the topic entirely howw about that CCG: FOR ONCE I AGREE WITH ERIDAN. CHW: I agree with y9u CHW: Lets, talk a69ut instead, s9mething much less upsetting f9r all CEB: cats. CCG: EVERY TIME KANKRI SAYS A WORD THAT HAS THE LETTERS "BO" IN IT I LAUGH. CCG: I HAVE THE MINDSET OF A WRIGGLER. CGC: BO CHW: Yeah, sure, lets d9 that. Cats are nice, s9ft. CCG: 69. CHW: 699 CGC: W41T 1 FORGOT 1M NOT K4NKR1 CHW: hahaha CGC: FUCKS S4K3 CCG: YOU GOOD TEREZI? CHW: Terezi, are y9u 9kay CGC: Y34H CEH ceased responding to memo. CGG: ok, here's a cat video CGG:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_S5cXbXe-4 CEB: ehehe. 69 CCA: its ignominious havvin to read evverythin you guys say to each other CCG: I WANT MY GAMZEE TO COME ONLINE SO HE CAN GET HIS ASS IN THIS MEMO BUT HE NEVER COMES ONLINE UNTIL LIKE. CCG: 3PM AT THE EARLIEST. CCG: AND CURRENTLY IT'S ONLY 1. CCG: UNFORTUNATE. CHW: 9h, its 4:13 here CTT ceased responding to memo. CHW: 9h, 6ake it, I supp9se CCG: WACK. CCG: SLAHOUDGIASUHKDHASDGEYRIUEJRFJDHSK CURRENT tidsopitmistTranquillity [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CTT: Uh. CCG: WHO THE FUCK IS THAT. CTT: Me. CTT: Thats whom CCG: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU. CGG: oh, hi there! CTT: Hey owo CGC: WHO CCA: you havve no idea the extent i gotta crain my neck to be able to see your dastardly lightened text colour CCG: OWO. CCG: UWU. CHW: Karkat has s9me 9f the 6est reacti9ns CGC: TH3 FUCK 1S YOU CEB: gotta put my glasses on to read that color. CTT: Okay CTT: Has my family seriously forgotten me CCG: YOUR TEXT COLOR IS THE SAME COLOR AS A LEMON CANDY CANE I JUST GOT DONE BREAKING MY FUCKING TEETH ON. CHW: Even I am struggling, may6e its 6ecause my eyes d9n't exactly have pupils th9ugh CCG: YOUR FAMILY? CTT: That's sad as shit. CCG: YOU HAVE A FAMILY? CCG: I FEEL BAD FOR THEM, HOLY SHIT. CGC: HUH CGC: 1M SO CONFUS3D CCA: maybe its cause your busy ogglin that tommyrotted shitwwit alternate a myself CCG: ME TOO. CCA: evver think about that CGC: SOM3ON3 F1LL M3 1N WH4T TH3 FUCK SORT OF BR41N C3LL 4M 1 M1SS1NG CTT: Wow. CCG: ERIDAN, DON'T START SHIT. CCG: TEREZI I KIN THAT STATEMENT. CEB: karkat and i share -3 braincells. CCA: im not startin shit kar i am being nothin but CIVVLIZIED and PROPER here just by the basic vvirtue a me talkin CCG: YEAH. CCA: oh fuck CCA: my browwnies CCA: bee ar be CGC: 4LSO SHUT TH3 FUCK YOU F1SH WHY DONT YOU GO SUCK YOURS3LF L1K3 YOU DO 3V3RY N1GHT CCG: DEAR GOD. CEB: wow! damn. CTT: God damn it CGC: Y34H CCG: TEREZI SNAPPED. CGC: 1M 1N 4 B1T OF 4 B4D MOOD TOD4Y SORRY 3V3RYON3 CTT: I looked away for a bit and I return to chaos. Good god. CCG: JAMES CHARLES VOICE. SISTER SNAPPED. CTT: DAMN IT CTT: Stop. CEB: karkat please no. CTT: Fighting CTT: H CGC: R1GH TOK CGC: FORGOT HOW TO FUNCT1ON CCA: ivve hardly said anythin deservvin a vvitriol and scorn rez wwhy dont you shovve your tongue wwhere your crimson eyesockets are you are such a pain in my ass connivvin blueberry CCA: i mean i wwasnt evven TALKIN to you CCG: OK, EITHER DIRK OR THE LEMON GUY IS GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE THEIR TEXT COLOR. CCG: I CAN'T HANDLE THIS. CCA: mind your owwn business CTT ceased responding to memo. CCG: ONE OF YOU BITE THE BULLET AND CHANGE IT. CCG: OH. CCG: THAT WORKS TOO. CCG: BYE DIRK. CGG: :/ CEB: i thought dirk was the lemon guy damn. CGC: OK WH4T3V3R 3R1D4N CCG: NO, HE'S THE ORANGE GUY. CCA: hey kar CCG: HEY. CHW: W-wait ARE Y9U SAYING THAT I AM HAVING A HARD TIME SEEING 6ECAUSE IM F9CUSED 9N CR9NUS???? CGC: S4D S4CK CCG: WHAT. CCA: wwhy dont wwe ditch this popsickle stand CCG: FOR FUCK'S SAKE KANKRI, YOU'RE SLOW AS HELL. CCG: HUH? CTT: Son of a bitch CEB: at the bottom of the screen it looked the same okay? CGC: WH4T CCG: WE? AS A COLLECTIVE? CTT: What are you even fighting about CGC: OK4Y 1 G1V3 UP TRY1NG TO COMPR3H3ND CCG: ME TOO. CGG: i don't even know CHW: Im s9rry that p9rrim pestered me and this mem9 is flying CCA: im just sayin this display is nothin but a bloody mess a  recalictrant scorn wwe might as wwell hang out or somethin you and i CHW: Im s9 fucking pissed right n9w CCA: plus CCA: past you DID say hed be wwillin to do so CTT: Trigger warning CCG: I MEAN CHW: # Fr9thing Rage CCG: OK. CGC: K4NKR1 SW34R1NG 1S 4 W34R OCC4S1ON WH4TS UP CHW: # literal fire in my eyes CCA: really you arent bee essin me here CCG: I DON'T MIND HANGING OUT IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. CTT: EVERYONE BE TRIGGERED CCG: NO, I'M NOT. CGC: C4NT R3L4T3 CCG: KANKRI IS GOING OFF THE SHITS HELP. CGC: WHY CCA: my hivve or yours CTT: OH SHIT GUARD THE STAIRS CHW: Fucking I cant 6ELIEVE y9u w9uld say such gr9ss stuff CGC: WH4T CTT: They be FALLING DOWN THEM CHW: # Fucking flipping my literal shit CGC: W H 4 T CGC: HDU13F U1H RFR CGC: R3QFH1UCRH FRGHTVU 5G CGC: GTJ1 VRGT CTT: oh my God. CCA: wwoww that strawwberry shortcake is such a flippin drama machine it is truly pathetic CGC: V3GGU9TR CGC: GU9TRHY CTT: AUshdgdhd CTT: Jdhdbsnstshhdgd CGC: HTR9UHT3UH3 CTT: Dtthshshskwhe CTT: D CEB: what is CCA: shut the hell up CEB: stop CGC: 3UH9TRHUYR4U CHW: Eridan G9 FUCK Y9URSELF CTT: No CHW: Cause # N9 9ne else will CGC: BGT90YBH CCG: RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE THIS IS THE TEXTUAL EQUIVALENT OF SCREAMING TO MAKE MY VOICE HEARD OVER A LOUD CROWD TO COMMUNICATE WITH ERIDAN. CCG: HELP. CTT: Uncle John what the fuck is good going on CCA: this is exactly wwhy you and i ought to be messagin each other separately CGC: W3LL TH3N HOW 4BOUT TH1S CCA: glad youre agreein wwith me bro i can alwways count on you CGG: oh, gosh! CEB: i'm sorry what? CCG: OK, FUCK, DM ME ERIDAN. CCG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING. CCA: wwhy dont you dee em me CCG: IT WAS YOUR IDEA! CCG: BUT FINE. I'LL BE THE MATURE ONE. CHW: Eridan said I c9uldn't see lem9n candy text 6ecause I was f9cused 9n Cr9nus. When we all had pr96lems with the c9l9r CGG: gamzee is here CGC: FOR FUCKS S4K3 CURRENT terminallyCapricious [CTC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CTC: HeY. CTT: Oh honkY CCA: ugh CGC: OH H3LL NO CCG: KANKRI, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND COOL IT BEFORE I BAN YOU. CTT: HEY CCG: ERIDAN, DON'T PROVOKE HIM LIKE THAT. CTT: God damn it why are you so rude to each other CHW: H9w w9uld y9u feel if s9me9ne said such a thing a69ut y9u Karkat? CCG: NO ONE ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION, LEMON MAN. CCA: wwhat do you mean provvoke wwho CCG: GO SUCK A CACTUS. CTT: Yeah. CCA: i havve no idea wwho the hell you are talkin about CEB: i really have no idea what's happening. CGC: M3 4ND G4MZ33 DONT H4V3 4 GOOD H1STORY TOG3TH3R CCA: i havvent been provvokin no one wwhat a slanderous thing to imply CHW: # g9es t9 sweater t9wn CCG: EVERYONE STOP TALKING. CHW: # huffs CCG: LET ME GET MY SHIT TOGETHER. CGC: 1 TH1NK TH4TS 4 V4L1D 3NOUGH R34SON CCA: ill havve you knoww that crimson soaked sack a lard has been provvokin ME if anythin CTT: Okay. CCG: ERIDAN. CCG: SHUT. CCG: UP. CCG: FOR ONCE. CCG: PLEASE. CHW: Fucking WHAT CCA: ok fine CTT: #shooshpap CCA: wwhat do i care any wway CCG: KANKRI. CCG: DON'T START. CGC: TH1S 1S 4 M3SS CCG: I'M TRYING TO MEDIATE HERE. CTT: #shooshpap CCG: LEMON GUY, FUCK OFF. CHW: I'm N9T starting it, HE DID CHW: # Excuse CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CTG: "comfy place" my ass CTT: #SOOOooos- CCG: DAVE. CCG: HELP. CGC: YOU KNOW 1TS 4LL GON3 TO SH1T WH3N K4RK4T 1S TH3 ON3 TRY1NG TO M4K3 3V3RYON3 C4LM CCA: wwoah bro this is nothin if not flatterin but i dont think auspitizism is really the sorta establishment you should be sullyin yourself into at this moment no offense CTG: i wasn't even paying attention CTG: what's happening CCG: WAIT YOU'RE NOT THE DAVE I'M FAMILIAR WITH. I'M BLIND AND CAN'T READ HANDLES. CCG: ERIDAN I'LL KILL YOU. CTT: People being assholes CCA: uh CEB: it's, uh, chaotic. CHW: Please d9 CCA: wwoww CHW: WAIT CHW: D9NT CGG: the memo went crazy CCA: talk about straight forwward CHW: I d9nt want him in the 6u66les! CCG: I SWEAR I AM THIS CLOSE CCG: | | CCG: THAT CLOSE CCG: TO KICKING BOTH OF YOU. CCG: TEST ME. CHW: Karkat... CTT: I'm Dani terezi. Can ya use your like seer powers CCA: hmm CGC: H1T 1T F3RG13 CCA: wwell ok CCA: brb CHW: # p9uting CGC: D4N1 WHO CCG: CRY ABOUT IT, YOU LITTLE FUCK. CGC: WHO TH3 FUCK 1S YOU CTT: IM FROM EARTH C. CGC: 4H OK4Y CHW: I th9ught y9u cared a69ut me 9r s9mething.. I guess I was wr9ng. CGC: 1 KNOW SOM3ON3 C4LL3D D4N1 H4H4 CFL ceased responding to memo. CTT: Kankri. CCG: OH HERE WE FUCKING GO WITH THE GUILT TRIPPING. CEB: this is just what i needed to add a little spice to my afternoon. CCG: MARVELOUS. CTT: It's okay my boi CCG: THIS MEMO SINGLEHANDEDLY MANAGED TO KILL THE BRAIN CELLS I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE. CCA: hey im back CHW: # sulking CTT: Sometimes you gotta just go to sweater town CGG: :/ yeah, it's so crazy CEB: we just have -69 braincells now. CCG: KANKRI, I CARE MORE THAN ENOUGH ABOUT YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS MEMO FOR THAT MATTER, WHICH IS PRECISELY WHY I WANT YOU KNOCK THE BULLSHIT OFF AND STOP FIGHTING! CCG: I DON'T WANT ANYONE UPSET. CTT: #papshhosj CTT: Neither do i CCG: WELCOME BACK ERIDAN. CCG: OH FUCK GAMZEE IS ONLINE. CGC: C4N W3 JUST S4Y OK K4NKR1 YOU W3R3NT FOCUS1NG ON CRONUS TH3 T3XT W4S TOO H4RD TO R34D BUT TH4TS NO ON3S F4ULT CCA: thanks CTT: Let's back this up. CTG ceased responding to memo. CGC: 4ND 3R1D4N DONT G3T WORK3D UP OV3R K4NKR1 CHW: Thank y9u Terezi CGC: GOOD CCG: MY PURRBEAST IS STEPPING ONY M KEYYBOARD CCG: '; CCG: HELP. CTC: WhAt ThE MoThErFuCk Is EvEn HaPpEnInG. CGC: H4H4 CGC: TO MUCH TO B3 HON3ST CCG: GAMZEE DO YOU CARE IF I ADD ANOTHER GAMZEE TO THIS MEMO? THE MORE THE MERRIER, RIGHT? CCG: DOUBLE THE CLOWNERY? CGC: TW1C3 TH3 HONKS OH FUCK CTC: I DoNt CaRe. CTT: Okay. Mom Jade, of you remember hug me before I have a panic attack CGG: oh, gosh CHW: # deep 6reathing CCA: wworked up CCA: pshhh thats a fuckin laugh CCA: as if id let some detestable sack a ruddy text get me wworked up that foul no good pleb is hardly wworth steppin near my shadoww and at this point im findin all his petty references to my alternate to be nothin more than a salaicious display a utright denial CGC: WHY H4S TH1S 4LL GON3 TO SH1T -- CURRENT tidsopitmistTranquillity [CTT]  seriously more confused then my session made me -- CTT ceased responding to memo. CHW: # Karkat he's starting it again CGC: 1 D1DNT KNOWHOW TO WORD 1T OK4Y SH33SH CURRENT tidsopitmistTranquillity [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CTT: Son of a bitch CTT: Better CGC: 3R1D4N JUST STOP OK4Y C4N W3 4GR33 TH4T 1T W4S NO ON3S F4ULT CTT: Can you see me now CCA: sure wwhat evver CTT: Am I less lemonade CGC: GOOD CCA: its not like i actually care about wwhat happens in this line a convversation anywway CCA: hes the one wwho started it CTT: Gucci CHW: # Watching y9u CGC: 4LR1GHTY CGC: OK4Y CEB: are you guys chill now? is that done? CTT: I guess. CEB: fantastic. CTT: But this hype train. CCA: wwhered kar go CGC: HOP3 SO CGG: i hope so, too CCG: NOWHERE. CTT: Oh fuc CCG: WHY? MISS ME? CCA: hey CTT: Shi CCG: HEY. CTT: Hey CHW: 9h- I think I just realized s9mething. # Lips l9cked tight CCG: HUH? CGC: WH4T CGC: T1GHT 4SSHOL3 CGC: H4H4 CHW: N9 n9, I d9n't want t9 start any drama. CCA: wwhy dont you lock your fingers tighter methinks theyre the ones causin all this repartee any wway CHW: I'll just, privately tr9ll karkat and tell him CCG: TELL ME IN DMS KANKRI. I'M YOUR DANCESTOR. CCG: OH. CCG: GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE. FUCK YEAH. CGC: HUH CEB: well now i'm curious. CGC: M3 TOO CCG: HEY IT'S ANOTHER GAMZEE. CCG: ONE I ACTUALLY AM FAMILIAR WITH. CGC: OH OK CTC: WeLcOmE BrOtHeR. CHW: Its s9mething that y9u all pr96a6ly c9uld have figured 9ut 9n y9ur 9wn, when thinking hard 9n what Amp9ras are very kn9wn f9r. CGC: SORRY 1F 1 S33M 4 B1T OFF CCG: OH GOD. PAST taciturnlyCataclysmal [PTC] 420 HOURS AGO responded to memo. PTC: HeLl yEaH, hOw'S It gOiNg? :o) CCG: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN THE PAST CGG: hi there! CCG: WHAT THE FUCK CHW: I'm sure if y9ur g99d at paying attenti9n the pieces will f9rm the wh9le puzzle f9r y9u t99 CGG: ok, that's weird CCG: ALSO, KANKRI, THAT THING YOU JUST MESSAGED ME? WACK. CCA: soon enough ill be knowwn for slittin your detestable carcass ovver my owwn personal grubloaf bun if you dont keep my name from your ovverbitten mouth mutant CCG: I DON'T KNOW IF I BELIEVE IT. CHW: True th9ugh CCA: howw about that CCG: ERIDAN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? CCG: WHO IS THAT DIRECTED AT? CCG: I'M SO LOST. CGC: STOOOOP CHW: Thats at me CHW: Karkat CCA: kankri a course wwho else CCG: GAMZEE. HELP ME. CCG: PLEASE. CHW: he is attacking me CHW: again CHW: 6ut # I started it CHW: # r9lls eyes CGG: this is already too much... CGG: :/ CHW: # have t9 tell y9u im r9lling my eyes 6ecause, N9 pupils 6ut whatever CCG: OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? CHW: # Amp9ra is a castest prick CTC: CaN I HaVe ThE HeAdS ErIdAn BrO? CCG banned CCA from responding to memo: [TIME OUT.]. CCG banned CHW from responding to memo: [TIME OUT.]. CHW RIGHT NOW opened memo on board GGS COMFY PLACE.

---- Was kicked for time out ----

CHW RIGHT NOW opened memo on board GGS COMFY PLACE. CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CCG: OH GOD. CURRENT gardenGnostic104 [CGG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CGG: oh, again? CHW: # Excuse y9u PAST taciturnlyCataclysmal [PTC] 420 HOURS AGO responded to memo. PTC: So wHaT ThE MoThErFuCk'S ThIs mEmO AlL AbOuT? CCG: I SWEAR IF YOU TWO GO BACK AT IT I'LL FUCKING BAN YOU BOTH PERMANENTLY. CURRENT gallowsCalibratorr [CGC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CGC: NO 1D34 CCG: WE'RE UH CCG: BONDING. CHW: He was the 9ne wh9 threatened t9 slit my thr9at CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CCA: no wworries CCG: GROUP BONDING TIME. CCA: i wwas just leavvin any wway CURRENT tidsopitmistTranquillity [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CTT: The other kids are coming CCG: KANKRI SHUT UP. STOP DRAGGING IT ON. CTT: Yeet CCG: I'LL SCOLD HIM LATER. CGG: sorry, i meant to make this for fun stuff, but it went crazy over time CHW: Y9ud 6etter CCG: YOU TWO ARE LIKE FUCKING WRIGGLERS I SWEAR. CCA ceased responding to memo. CCG: I'M LOSING MY MIND. PTC: WeLl i gUeSs tHaT'S AlL GoOd, sHiT TeNdS To uP AnD GeT AlL FuCkIn cRaZy sOmEtImEs. CTT ceased responding to memo. CURRENT terminallyCapricious [CTC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CTC: HoNk :O) PTC: HoNk CTC: HoNk PTC: HoNk CCG: HONK. CGC: OH NO CTC: HoNk CURRENT ectoBiologists [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CEB: oh jesus CCG: HONK. PTC: HoNk CGC: STOP CURRENT theJaceofspades [CTJ] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CTJ: Haha I just broke into my sister's computer CTC: HoNk CGC: FUCK CCG: HONK. PTC: HoNk CHW: (( i didnt know it actually made the noise if you typed honk oh fuck that startled me xDD )) CTC: HoNk. CCG: HONK. CGC: HONK CTJ: Oh shit CCG: HONK. CHW: h9nk CHW: 9h CGC: 1T D1DNT WORK CTJ: ((shit man)) CEB: hehehe. CHW: quirks n9t all9wed CCG: THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS WHENEVER I GET IN A MEMO. CCG: EVERYONE STARTS HONKING. CGC: H4H4 CTJ: Oh CCG: IT HAPPENED IN FUCK BUCKETS TOO. I STILL FEEL BAD FOR JOHN. CCG: I ALSO FEEL BAD FOR EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT I MEAN BY FUCK BUCKETS. PTC: EvErYoNe aLl kNoWs yOuR FuCkIn mEaNiNg bEhInD ThAt. CTJ: I'm going to get a worshipper of the dark carnival CCG: NO. CCG: GAMZEE. CTJ: Then honk everyday bro CCG: IT WAS THE NAME OF A MEMO WE HAD ONCE. CTJ: I will do it PTC: HoNk CCG: I'M GOING TO FUCKING SLAM MY FACE INTO MY KEYBOARD. CTC: ThAt WaS A GrEaT MeMo. CTJ: I'm going to get her CGC: 1M GO1NG TO L1ST3N TO 4 SONG CEB: i know i was there, but what happened to be in fuckbuckets? PTC: HaHaHaHa, dOn'T Be dOiNg tHaT BeSt fRiEnD. jUsT GeT YoUr cHiLlS GoInG StRoNg. CTC: UnTiLl YoU MoThErFuCkInG KiCkEd Me. CGC: WH3N 1 COM3 B4CK HOP3FULLY 4LL 1S B3TT3R CHW: If y9u d9, may6e, y9u can visit Karkat? CTJ: I know. CCG: I KICKED YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE ABOUT TO EXPOSE ME, GAMZEE. CTJ: Wait CCG: ALSO. CCG: YEAH KANKRI. CCG: ALSO. CTC: EvErY OnE KnOwS. CTJ: If kankri has a Chum handle now CCG: TO THE OTHER GAMZEE. CCG: YEAH OK. CTJ: Then that means. CTJ: O. CCG: OH MY GOD. CTJ: Fuc CHW: ? CCG: GAMZEE I SWEAR I'LL KICK YOU FROM THIS MEMO TOO. CHW: It means I d9wnl9aded the alternian tr9llian CCG: CURRENT GAMZEE. CTJ ceased responding to memo. CCG: I CAN'T FUCKING WRAP MY HEAD AROUND THERE BEING TWO GAMZEES. THIS WAS A MISTAKE. PTC: AwWw dOn'T Be fUcKiN ThReAtEnInG A BrO. CCG: ONE OF YOU HAS TO GO. ANY VOLUNTEERS? CCG: NOT YOU! CCG: I'M THREATENING TO KICK THE OTHER GAMZEE. PTC: I'M KnOwInG, kArBrO. CURRENT stitchedSilence [CSS] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CSS: :o€ CCG: AAAAA MY THINKPAN IS ACHING. CCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT EMOJI. CTC: NaH Im MoThErFuCkInG GoOd RiGhT HeRe. CCG: THEN. CCG: SHUT UP. CHW: C:6 CTC: HoNk BrO Is ChIlL. CCG: AND WE CAN ALL LIVE HAPPILY. CCG: WITH KARKAT'S SECRETS HIDDEN. CCG: OKAY? CHW: I mistyped CURRENT turntechDumbass [CTD] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CTD: jade was right this is whack CSS: WHAT THE FUCK. IS HONKING UP IN THIS BITCH CCG: HONK. CHW: I saw 'kurl9z' and meant t9 type D:6 CTC: HoNk. CCG: OH FUCK IT'S DAVE. CCG: HONK. CTD: oh fuck its karkat CGG: honk CCG: GET OUT. CTC: HoNk. CSS: HONK! CTD: what no i just got here CSS: :o) CTD: bitch CCG: BITCH. CSS: #signlanguage

---- My computer glitched so it closed ----

CHW RIGHT NOW opened memo on board GGS COMFY PLACE. CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CCG: UH. CURRENT terminallyCapricious [CTC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CTC: HoNk. CCG: LIKE WHO? CURRENT stitchedSilence [CSS] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CSS: :o) CSS: :o) CSS: ? CHW: My c9mputer decided that it wasn't happy, s9 it cl9sed. CURRENT gallowsCalibratorr [CGC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CGC: OK GUYS 1M H4V1NG 4 P4N1C 4TT4CK TH1S 1S SO STR3SSFUL  BY3 CCG: OH SHIT. CSS: SO IS MY MOUTH CSS: Closed CSS: SHUT. CHW: D:6 CCG: IS THAT FUCKING KURLOZ I WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION CCG: I'M SO LOST. PAST taciturnlyCataclysmal [PTC] 420 HOURS AGO responded to memo. PTC: SeE Ya, fUcKiN BlInD AsS BiTcH. CHW: yes, thats Kurl9z... CHW: # shivers CCG: EW. CSS: Yeah tell me about it. CCG: WHO INVITED HIM HERE? CHW: N9t me CURRENT turntechDumbass [CTD] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CTD: god damn. CCG: NOT ME EITHER. CTD: trolls are whack CHW: I w9uld prefer t9 keep my distance fr9m any murder9us cl9wns CCG: YOU'RE WHACK. CCG: BAD WHACK. CCG: HEY. CSS: So are clowns :o) CHW: # After all, it feels t9 much like my culler... CTD: im the best whack CCG: GAMZEE IS RIGHT THERE. CCG: DON'T BE INSENSITIVE. CHW: I said murder9us CGC ceased responding to memo. CCG: YEAH? CHW: I think thats fair CCG: DID I STUTTER? CCG: ANYWAY. PTC: HaHaH. CURRENT gardenGnostic104 [CGG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CGG:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tL-AVkOgO-k CHW: I think its fair t9 n9t want t9 6e near murderers CSS: Hey. Chill bros CTC: :O) CCG: WHY IS THE FUCKING O CCG: A CAPITAL? CCG: I HATE THAT. CHW: If meenah were in here, I'd 6e nerv9us a69ut that t99 CCG: FIX YOUR FUCKING EMOJI. CTC: My QuIrK Is GeTtInG In ThE MtHeRfUcKiNg WaY. PTC: WiSh i cOuLd bE KnOwInG. CHW: # pr96a6ly nerv9us ar9und any 9f my 'friends' that aren't p9rrim 9r latula. PTC: :o) PTC: :o) CCG: JUST FUCKING CSS: :o) CTC:  :O) CCG: CONVERT :O TO :o PTC: HoNk CCG: PROBLEM SOLVED. CSS: Meulin is having otp cardiac arrest CCG: WHAT. CTD: the comfy place has turned into clown church CSS: I GOT TO GO HELP A BITCH CHW: 9ver which c9uple? CCG: FEAR. CSS: EH. CGG: oh, ss, you reminded me of something CCG: YEAH WHICH COUPLE? CSS: ERIDAN AND SOLLUX CCG: OH GOD. CTD: oh shit CSS: #SHIVERS CHW: # unc9mf9rta6le CSS: I got her into to much black shi CSS: Shit. CTC: :o) CGG:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZ0HdydxuDo CHW: # 6etter them than s9me9ne else th9ugh CCG: MY PURRBEAST IS TICKLING MY NECK WITH HIS WHISKERHESHHSHDK CSS: It's personally my fault CCG: HHKJHGF CSS: Forgive me. CCG: I'M HAVING HEART FAILURE. CTD: tell your cat hes fucking cute as hell CSS: Ah. CCG: NO. CHW: Kurl9z, please, leave the 6lack stuff t9 y9u, she, already has s9 much 9n her plate with red r9m ships # l9l CSS: Hold on CTD: please he needs to know CSS: #l:ol CCG: HE'S A LITTLE BASTARD. CCG: KIND OF LIKE YOU. CSS: hold on. CTD: im only partially a bastard but still let him know CSS: What the ever loving motherfuck. CCG: EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THIS MEMO SUCKS EXCEPT FOR PAST GAMZEE. CSS: SHIT MY WRIGGLER IS HONKING MY HORN PILE CHW: # 9uch CSS: So proud CSS: #crie CURRENT ectoBiologists [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CEB: i have done nothing to deserve this! CCG: YOU EXISTED. CSS: #:o€ CSS: Neither have i CHW: # D9u6le 9uch CEB: damn, guess i'll stop existing. CGG: :( CCG: PLEASE DO. CSS: She grew up so fast CCG: KARKAT STOP BEING AN ASSHAT. CGG: please don't say that :( CSS: Karkat what be your problems CEB: :'B CSS: You need to chill before CHW: Karkat? Y9u just t9ld y9urself t9 st9p, are y9u 9kay? CCG: SORRY. CCG: YES. CCG: I'M FINE. CSS: #hedosomthing:o( CCG: I JUST REALIZED I WAS BEING A DICK. CHW: # C9ncerned Dancest9r CSS: Yeah. CCG: WAIT KANKRI CSS: #shooshpapthatfucker CCG: I HAVE TO ASK YOU SOMETHING. CHW: yes? CSS: Gamzee have you passed out CCG: GO TO DMS FOR A SEC. CSS: :o? CTC: No. CSS: God CSS: God. CSS: Meulin freaking son of- CSS ceased responding to memo. CCG: WHERE'D PAST GAMZEE GO? CTC: YoU MeAn ThE MeSsIaHs? PTC: :o) CCG: THERE HE IS. CTC: ThE ReAl MeSsIaHs. CCG: COMFORT ME. THIS MEMO IS GIVING ME CARDIAC ARREST. CTC: NoT ThE FaKe MeSsIaHs. PTC: YoU'Re fUcKiN SPECIAL YOU MOTHERFUCKIN mOtHeRfUcKeR. CURRENT cardiacOtps [CCO] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. CCO: 333333333333333!<3 PTC: YoU'Ve gOt tHe gReAtEsT Of fUcKiN SeLvEs iN YoU. :o) CCO: Inpuring! CTD: that wisdom CHW: I can certainly say that I am successfully triggered 6y t9days mem9 and events. CTD: i felt that shit PTC: Go fUcK YoUrSeLf, oThEr kArKaT. PTC: :o) PTC: HoNk hOnK CHW: Might even need t9 g9 talk t9 P9rrim CCO: Wow! CTC: :o) CHW: ...? w-why? CCO: Your just like kurlos CHW: # Fine. I'll leave CHW ceased responding to memo. PTC: GoOd sHiT. CCO: When he was a kid

---- I left because I didn’t want to start another fight ----

[interrogatormentors]

Event Two: Straight Flush

CA: if thats howw shits gotta be i get it CA: i really do CA: just lettin you knoww youre gonna regret this. CA: and by the time you realize wwhat a fuckin mistake youvve made in pushin me awway CA: ill be far beyond your reach

-- caligulasAquarium [CA] has left the memo! --

By this point in Eridan Ampora’s life, he knew space as lonely and fickle. He knew that the gaps between stars yawned millennia, and trolls at the top clawed and stabbed each other in the back at every opportunity. As a graduate of the Fleet Academy, Eridan knew this very well. What he hadn’t been prepared for was all the fucking paperwork.

Eridan stared at the blinking cursor on the scheduling spreadsheet in front of him, but no matter how hard he crossed his eyes the numbers never started making sense. As a well-established Dreadnought Condescension team, the DC Reichenbach’s crew all possessed equally established habits and schedules. Needless to say they didn’t take too kindly to an uppity new Head Admin coming in and shuffling shit around.

Eridan leaned back in his chair, lifting his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. The ship had one of its usual hiccups then, the lights flaring as an energy shift took place. Wonderful. With his free hand Eridan fumbled for the intercom button. “Get back in the helm, Riesse.”

After a pause a light blinked on the callbox at Eridan’s side, indicating an incoming call. “Yo, it’s been a perigee. Use my name or I riot,” said Riesse.

“Oh, funny, I can’t see Shakes anywhere on your file Riesse.”

“C’mon.”

“No.”

“Errrridan.”

Eridan rested his head on his desk, staring at the floor as he tried to gather himself.

“Shakes. You’ve got a break from the helm tomorrow, we can’t keep usin’ antimatter engines like this. You know that the maintenance for it costs a fuckin’ fortune-”

“Mmmmyeah we can,” Riesse or Shakes or whatever the fuck that fucking brown’s name was. Eridan was tired of battling about it, but he still felt an obligation to protest. “I got shit to do with Bricks.”

“And the captain, and the Chief Intelligence Officer,” Eridan said. Further slouching caused his glasses to slip right off his nose onto the floor. “You can’t all take a break at the same time every week.”

“Yeah, we can,” said Shakes. “God, haven’t you ever heard of like, free time and social bonding? You should join us sometime. Bricks’ got a rad as hell campaign set up and Illhal said she might be transferring. We’ve got an open spot. Table’s big enough for one mooore. Loosen up, holy shit.”

Eridan hung up the call. “Uppity fuckin’ mudfucker,” he said, picking up his glasses from the floor. “Oh wow, let’s just stick a bulge in the captain, get free breaks just whenever.” 

Ever since the helming techs had come out with mobile helmsman upgrades, highbloods who had quadrants with psionic lowbloods were crawling all over it. Some lowblood sympathetic fleet captains and helming techs and docterrors had written essays about the benefits of this new technology, which boasted alleged benefits such as increased helmsman longevity and better synchronization to the ship’s systems. The technology actually meant that those lowbloods with highblood quadrants were guaranteed the ability to move if their quads got their own ship and the rank of fleet captain, and it also meant that said lowbloods came with a hefty pair of globes to match.

Eridan tried to assure himself that he shouldn’t have been surprised. The Reichenbach’s captain was a piece of work to say the least, and her matesprit was such a cocky bastard with no respect for his blood superiors. As blood equals, with Captain Nekara as his superior in age and rank, Eridan kept his mouth shut to humor her smug piece of shit matesprit who jittered with ridiculous amounts of excess psionic energy.

Eridan’s palmhusk started beeping then, letting him know about breaktime, and he cast a defeated look to the stark and empty crew schedule. Normally he’d just work through his break, considering he never had other obligations. This time, he tried something new.

[Welcome to Poker Palace Server 2022A, caligulasAquarium, apocalypticTreeswing, circuitryCloser, torpidAnnihilator! Please read the rules and have fun! Currently there are 40 viewers of this game.]

AT: aw (fuck) aw beans aw no AT: playing with (fucking) TA?????? CC: hhehhe get wrekt dood CA: wwhat CA: do you knoww each other AT: nah dude’s a (damn) bot or whatever and wins every (fucking) time AT: shoot i wanted to bet money on this match too CC: just bet on TA man CC: thhey’re like always online ur going to make a hHELLA profit AT: my pride tho CA: wwhat pride AT: DUDE :*C

Poker didn’t seem too labor intensive, especially when Eridan could theoretically still work on the schedule on the other monitor. As time progressed he instead found that the match he’d gotten roped into took all his focus after the user torpidAnnihilator wiped the floor with all of them as apocalypticTreeswing had warned. Users could theoretically stay for infinite matches, and so a rematch began.

TA won again.

And again.

Over and over TA called bluff after bluff, and unveiled hand after winning hand after intimidating everyone else, even as AT and CC left and were replaced by other users. Each user expressed dismay at seeing TA there, but something in Eridan had been awoken.

He needed to win. So he kept playing even as his break ended, eyes flicking from schedule to poker match as he continued to lose over and over. He could have fun and loosen up, totally. He just had to win first.

[Welcome to Poker Palace Server 3014C, caligulasAquarium, torpidAnnihilator, gentrificationAwaiting, corporealTone! Please read the rules and have fun! Currently there are 67 viewers of this game.]

CA: ready to lose fucker CA: you cant wwin forevver CT: ...what CA: do i look like im talkin to you GA: i mEan it’s an opEn chatroom, so GA: if you’rE talking to TA good luck haha, CA: ivve been goin at it for four perigees hes gotta lose sometime CT: ...lol GA: LOL, GA: i’vE bEEn playing for tEn swEEps!! GA: thEy don’t losE!  CA: wwell wwere gonna see about THAT noww wwont wwe CA: if youvve got a penchant for believvin anyone that isnt the empress can be infallible youre sadly fuckin mistaken CA: one wway or another im gonna fuckin provve it and then youll eat your fuckin wwords. chumps

TA said nothing as per usual, but this silence stopped bothering Eridan long ago. He had become used to the empty silence that filled the digital lobby during games. Every muscle in Eridan’s body tensed as time went on and he focused, watching everything unfold as he kept his cards close to his virtual chest. The match concluded as it usually did, with GA and CT folding and TA refusing to show their hand. After playing this long, however, Eridan had learned to take his chances. If they needed to, TA usually folded or called a bluff second. This time they’d held onto their cards.

CA: bluff you dont havve shit CT: ...we both got shit hands you know hes got a good one CA: still callin it

With the bluff called, TA’s hand flipped over to reveal a four, two fives of separate suits, and an eight. Not necessarily a bad hand, but not a good one. The entire world stopped and Eridan felt a funny lurch in his digestive sack. He lurched to his feet, staring at the screen for a good minute.

For so many perigees, Eridan had worked towards this very moment. Each second that he stood there taking slow, shaking breaths to comprehend what had just happened felt like an eternity of downright euphoria. He’d done it.

However the world, and more importantly the game, wouldn’t wait forever. He moved his shaky hands to type out the damning words.

CA: straight flush CA: i wwin

A silence followed, and Eridan felt so fucking giddy, like there were clouds below his feet. He hadn’t felt this good in perigees. The commenters who had been gossiping about the inevitable outcome of the match had lapsed into shock with the other players also at a loss. TA, as always, remained silent. Finally, GA and CT began to type, almost in unison.

GA: what CT: ...holy shit GA: arE you fucking serious no WAY you’rE cheating! CA: if this wwere anythin but an online servver i wwould be less insulted CA: i cant code my wway out of a wwet paper bag CT: ...still theres no way you couldve beaten him of all people CA: look a lot of this game is luck okay wwhat the fuck are you talkin about CA: havve you evven played poker before in your life TA: Huh. TA: Well, thII2 II2 a 2urprII2e. TA: ThII2 game wa2 quIIte refre2hIIng, thank you. CT: ...hhhhhhhooooh my god

The match closed itself then, leaving Eridan staring at his victory screen. Something about that quirk seemed familiar, but he shook the thought away. The one he’d known with that quirk had disappeared a sweep before Eridan himself had left the rebellion. He had to be dead by now. Friend requests started pinging on his poker profile as he sat there, viewers of the match itself enamored by the new champion. More than a few angry messages popped up, considering TA’s popularity in betting circles. Only one private message caught Eridan’s attention.

TA: Let me know IIf you would lIIke to play me agaIIn 2ometIIme. TA: II am very aware you have been 2talkIIng 2erver2 lookIIng for me and that would 2ave 2ome ha22le on your end II thIInk. TA: That was the mo2t fun II have had for a whIIle. TA: II may have two quIIt 2oon con2IIderIIng your mo2t deft humIIlIIatIIon, but fIIndIIng a new hobby II2 laborIIou2.

Eridan reread the messages at least five times to absorb just what the mysterious reigning champion of the poker ring was actually offering. There was an odd little flutter in his chest, something he’d thought he’d never feel again. Pride, and a well-earned, well deserved sense of pride at that. Acknowledgement by an ever-supreme master at a craft, even for something as little as poker, meant worlds to him. He couldn’t help the grin that crossed his face, still on a euphoric high  at the sudden turn of events.

CA: uh wwoww okay CA: look evveryone loses evventually unless youre hackin or wwhatevver CA: surprised no one else called you out TA: The thIIng about garnerIIng a reputatIIon IIn onlIIne communIItIIe2 II2 IIntimIIdatIIon and people fallIIng on your bulge in terror ju2t come2 wIIth the whole package. TA: And a2 you know, that II2 the name of the game. CA: i thought it wwas poker TA: What? TA: Oh, very funny. CA: oh my god you talk like a fuckin loser howw old are you TA: That II2 a very rude que2tIIon. TA: II wIIll 2ee you agaIIn, ErIIdan. All haIIl the Empre22. CA: all hail i guess

TA logged off then. Eridan continued to bask in his own victory before freezing, eyes scanning over the last few messages TA had sent.

That couldn’t be possible.

He took a moment, eyes fixed on that one sentence in the chatlog again before he flipped over to his personal profile. No, nothing there. He had made sure not to put any identifying information on his profile apart from his blood color code, which more than a few members did. His name wasn’t anywhere on the site.

Swallowing hard, Eridan closed the poker site down for now and opened this week’s schedule and maintenance logs. Only victory mattered, and he’d accomplished that. What could some random nobody on the internet do to him?

Maybe Shakes’ D&D session would be a little less nerve-wracking.