#ok this show was my childhood and has now come back to haunt me
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I have spent the last two days that I have meant to be spending on a relaxing holiday with my family on a relaxing holiday laying in bed and reading fanfic.
I have since come to the conclusion that I am too gay to function
#I’ve just really gotten into the Ninjago fandom ok#like !!! polyninja !!!! what’s not to love !!!#and so I have made it my mission to consume every possible fic on ao3 for this ship#(within reason of course)#(there are some I just don’t want to read)#(and I do not do smut)#but yes#I’ve read like 90% of the fic in the tag on ao3#and don’t know what to do anymore#sue me#ok this show was my childhood and has now come back to haunt me#also unrelated but tell me why an Airbnb in Australia that has nothing whatsoever to do with america#has a calendar that has the American flag on it#and some shit about something to do with “stars and stripes blah blah blah#like ????#what ????#anyways yeah just thought you outta know#might go write some fic#(I should go to sleep it 11 and we have to be out of here by 10 and I’m not good at getting up in the morning)#(and also I’m gonna use up all my data by not even half way through the month at this rate)#but honestly I couldn’t care less#and am I gonna go to sleep? no so f off
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Uno reverse: Character ask thingie, a Legend of your choosing but you must answer ALL the questions
Ok, Charlie time because somebody already asked some Zari questions
My first impression of them: I don't remember? Positive, I assume.
When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like): I mean, as soon as I realized that Charlie meant Maisie's face was back, I was on board. As soon as she and Zari start getting things to do together, she gets pretty great.
A song that reminds me of them: Charlie would hate this answer, but Cassiopeia by Sara Bareilles.
How many people I ship them with: There are 3 main ships but the full list would be infinite.
My favorite ship of them: Zarlie 1.0. Perfection.
My least favorite ship of them: I don't know if Behrad counts because literally nobody ships them, but like... that was a dumb thing to do, show.
A quote of them that you remember: "If I die, I'm going to come back and haunt you."
Your favorite outfit of them: The Ship Broken outfit was pretty amazing.
Your least favorite outfit of them: Disco Amaya
Describe the character in one sentence: Your annoying little sister is actually a goddess.
What’s the first thing you think about when thinking about the character? Making heart eyes at Zari.
Sexuality hc! Charlie has all the sexualities. All. Of. Them.
Your favorite friendship they have: Can I choose Zari again? Because I just love their dynamic in every way.
Best storyline they had: The whole being a Fate thing was so poorly planned but so good. It hurts and I love it.
Worst storyline they had: Sleeping with Behrad and then being awkward about sleeping with Behrad.
A childhood headcanon: I don't know that Charlie ever actually was a kid, so I'm going to skip these.
What do you think their first word was?
How do you think they were as a kid? (Like, were they shy, noisy, wild, etc)
The most random ship you've seen people have with them: Again, I really think the actual writers of the actual show were the most out there with Behrad.
A weird headcanon: She definitely hooked up with a very early incarnation of Kendra way way way way way back.
When do you think they were at their happiest? Late season 4, when she was starting to get her powers back and was hanging out with Zari and Mona a lot.
When do you think they were at their lowest? When she went back to her sisters.
Future headcanon: Now that she can't shapeshift anymore, she goes for a lot of tattoos.
What do you think is a secret they have that they never told anyone? There's still a lot we don't know about what pushed her to break the Loom and how she did it. I'd imagine it cost her a lot.
When do you think they acted the most ooc: She went along with the plan way too easily in the Shakespeare episode.
When do you think they were being "themselves" the most? Late season 4 again
If they could meet a character from another show/movie/etc, who would be the most fun for them to meet? We all know I need her to hang out with Saira from We Are Lady Parts.
The most unnecessary thing they ever did? Telling Zari to hook up with Nate, probably.
How do you think they would be as a parent? (and if they are a parent, how do you think they would be if they weren't?) Very, very permissive.
The funniest scene they had? Legends of To-Meow-Meow in general.
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Incorrect Quotes: Quoruvelm Edition
theres a lot so . below cut
Felix: What’s up? I’m back. Magnus: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead Felix: Death is a social construct.
Cearo: If chickens were big enough to eat us do you think they would? Magnus: Without question! Keiluvi: Without remorse. Curirzu: Without hesitation.
Alex: Good morning. Amaranth: Good morning. Felix: Good morning. Curirzu: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit. Keiluvi: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!
Keiluvi: New cryptid: It's me. I come into your window at night and I say "Feel how cold my hands are" and then I put my cold hands on the back of your neck. Alex: But... My neck! Keiluvi: You should've thought of that before you went and had a neck.
Cearo: Why do we usually only drink cow milk? What does whale milk taste like? I want some whale milk. Felix: Are you okay? Cearo: I WOULD BE if I had some WHALE MILK.
Cearo: I am an expert at identifying birds. Alex: Okay, what about those ones flying over there? Cearo: Yeah, they're all birds.
Felix: Dirt! Keiluvi: Mmmmm... Tasty... Felix: The D in Dirt stands for "Do not eat this, please." Keiluvi: But the I R T stands for "It's Really Tasty."
Felix, looking at a dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-
Cearo: Hey there demons, It's me, ya boi. Felix: Cearo, NO!
*Everyone is giving advice to Felix* Alex: It's okay to ask for help. Keiluvi: You're not a burden. Amaranth: Murder is okay. Magnus: Your feelings matter.
Keiluvi: I tried to write ‘I'm a functional adult’ but my phone changed it to ‘fictional adult’ and i feel like that’s more accurate.
Magnus: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life. Cearo: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back... Alex: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this. Amaranth: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years. Felix: I knew I lost that potential somewhere. Keiluvi: Mental stability, my old friend! Magnus: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?
Felix: Wow, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff. Magnus: Oh, that was all real. Felix: Wait, you were trying to help them kill us?! Magnus: If I’m gonna be sacrificed, I’m gonna do it right.
Curirzu: We’re all in this together. If one of us falls, we all fall. Nobody is expendable on this team. Amaranth: Sounds fake but ok.
Keiluvi: Was walking my dog downtown and he stopped to drink from a dog bown in front of a bar and I was like "Oh, are you a thirsty little guy?" and Felix was sitting there and said "I guess I am," as he took a sip of his water, then realized I was not talking to him and looked completely horrified.
Felix: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong? Keiluvi: Strong. Magnus: Weak. Amaranth: An idiot, is what your are.
Felix: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire?? Alex: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔 Magnus: Why were you microwaving a lemon??? Alex: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots. Amaranth: Did you burn an orange too? How??? Alex: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔
*Felix dies in a game with ships* Keiluvi: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us. Keiluvi: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury. Amaranth: Legend has it that Felix still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks. Felix: Of course I do.
Curirzu: I lost Felix. Amaranth: How did you LOSE Felix?! Curirzu: To be fair, they are very small.
Alex: Gender? Ha, yeah. I totally have one of those, definitely. There's some sort of gender around here, gimmie a second. Alex, throwing dirty laundry around: Shit. I know it was here... I saw it yesterday! Alex, crawling around on the floor, looking under things: Ugh... Sorry, gimmie a sec... I swear, I had it just the other day...
#it kept trying to make felix insult cearo i#poor cearo#ocs#oc things#Felix brennus#amaranth adams#Quoruvelm#Keiluvi
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drop dead fred is about a childlike virginal woman named elizabeth [looking into the camera] whose manipulative serial cheater car salesman husband Charles [staring bullets into the camera] leaves her for another woman he deems hotter and more sexually gratifying. she is triggered back into her childhood trauma when returning to stay at her abusive mother's house alongside her imaginary friend drop dead fred who is actually a trickster demon (similar to lydia's beetlejuice) that reunites with her. she also reunites with her childhood friend who looks at her very lovingly over lunch and says dreamy-eyed at her nervous breakdown driven antics as she goes on about how charles will hate her new haircut and charles loved this restaurant that he loves her hair and the way she sinks houseboats. she is five years old when fred is taken from her by her narcissist mother [looking into the camera setting it on fire telekenetically] who crams pills down her throat in her adult life to avoid admitting the fact that she's actually been the problem all along. her father is british and so is her imaginary friend [looking into the camera fire setting ablaze all around me] and at one point she tearfully says I knew I should have never let my mother know how much she could hurt me because once she knew how she knew she could do it all the time and she did. so I never showed her my real feelings again. [explosions all around me like a minefield] so at one point her mother locks her in her room as an adult with a nurse who keeps watch on her to force feed her meds and her childhood friend climbs a tree to meet her at her window after she smashes her way out of there and they peel off in his pickup truck. at one point she reunites with Charles because he deems her hot enough now and fred can hear him still cheating on her over the phone in the next room. fred begs her to leave him and she says she's scared to be alone. the most epic scene ever in all of cinematic history comes when she enters a dollhouse version of her childhood home which still feels like a fever dream i invented even looking back at it to this day. she pops the cork of her husband's cadillac(?) to make him fly around like a deflated balloon, builds a tree with her mind, sets her mother on fire(!!!), and untraps her younger self who is duct taped to a bed, telling her she doesn't have to be afraid anymore. fred says solemnly "you have to go now" and she's like ok I'm ready let's go and he's like no. you have to go alone. this is likely the most heartbreaking scenes in all of movie herstory followed by kind of a weird moment where she has to kiss him on the lips and say drop dead fred like what...was the point of that part. but then she comes back to real time, wakes up on the floor of her apartment with Charles who is mid-cheating, and decides to pour a salad over his head in rebellion (some could argue this alludes to a tossed salad / gay love affair reference and perhaps he is cheating on her with a transvestite and/or gay man being substituted by a woman for family friendly movie plot etc) and drives off in his sexy red drop top. she returns to her childhood home one last time to her mother who begs her not to leave because she'll be lonely and says she should get herself a friend. it ends with her dating childhood bestie who has a child of his own now haunted by the trickster demon disguised as imaginary friend and we have come full circle. I can't tell you how much this movie means to me. or how crazy it is that I lost five years of my life and every form of media since I was a kid has been trying to explain it to me again and again. man do I need a real friend.
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Creativity is pulling all the scatterfuck out of your brain and putting it into something tangible that you can hold that is actually real. I have long looked inward to pain and twisted that around into something cool and expressive to show. A sort of over compensating way of dealing with the pain of my own human existence. Lately I’ve struggled to pull it out, so it sits in there, hurting.
Lately has been so hard that I wasn’t even sure I would make it to yesterday. The grossness of cutting ties with my mother, my sister falling extremely ill before moving away, feeling I finally had her back in my life and now she’s so far away again.. same old crappy health problems, more random organ removal surgery, struggling with the idea I might be a shit mom. A shit girlfriend. Loving everyone so much, but being so extremely isolated by my fear and anxiety that I just can’t see past the darkness to any light ahead. I’ve felt so alone and so far from my craft, so far from who I wanted to be. I’ve had so long to put it all into motion, and yet here I sit. In my empire of dirt. Trying to desperately claw my way out without losing anyone else.
I try to reach out, but I don’t. I only think about trying. Who to reach out to? Nobody there. Mental health care is a joke. My family can pat me on the back in their minds, but they won’t come over to hug me and tell me it’ll be ok. People don’t want to confront my pain. It’s gross and yuck. I try to grow things and plant seeds but mostly they struggle like I do. Too much water and they’re drowning. Too much sun and they dry out and fry. Gnats and bugs gnaw at the tiny, weak leaves. I’m overthinking my overthinking. Be the good. Fuck. Why isn’t anyone else being the good? Why does it all feel on me? Like I’m the problems that exist for everyone else. But I’m literally just existing. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I mostly hurt myself when I isolate or when I open my mouth. Am I isolating or just isolated? I guess I’ll never know. It hurts to feel unloved. So you try to love and please those left hanging around more and more, until there’s just not much left for yourself.
I feel close to the end of nothing. Another shit chapter and no closer to meeting myself where I wanted to be. I took this whole entire year to fix my life. It’s halfway over and I’m deeper in the mess than I was when I started. Change is gross and hard. And I fear it like the first horror movie I watched as a kid. Still haunting my subconscious every night. I can’t unsee it. Like I can’t unsee my past and all the screaming and dehumanizing they did to me. How do you let go of a shitty childhood when your parents still treat you like they did when you were thirteen? You would think 65 years would be enough time to learn respect.
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January 1st, 2023
It’s going to be an interesting day tomorrow. Monday. The first of several that we’ll all have to suffer through in this vicious cycle of a year. I don’t want to think about it, but it’s rather that or the face of Martin. It was a really stupid idea to look up his Facebook profile, but I have always been too curious for my own good and I like to cause myself unnecessary pain. It was 20 minutes before midnight and I kind of just started to think about all the people that I have ever met in my entire life. Were they all still alive? If so, how did they celebrate new year’s? And, of course, Martin came up. Martin is the prime reason why I have trust issues, why I fawn and why it is so hard for me to say no to people. So, while stalking the rest of my former friends and school colleagues on Facebook, my brain thought it would be a good idea to look up the one person responsible for most of my mental health problems.
Martin is, of course, not his real name. I would never type it on paper, it’s like a curse bound to come true.
He has tattoos now. He always said he wanted to get those, but it still feels surreal to really see them on both his forearms. I wonder if he still works as a cook or if covid put him out of a job. Has he worked on himself? Has he acknowledged his problems and worked on them? A feeling tells me he hasn’t.
I close my laptop and try to catch my breath. My heart is racing; a response from my nervous system being triggered into survival mode. I start to shake and stand up to distract myself. Simon is watching TV on the couch. I go over and join him, hoping he won’t notice my anxiousness. His gaze lands on my face, searching. He knows me well and narrows his eyes at my smile.
“What’s going on? Are you ok?”
“Sure!”, I laugh; hating that my first instinct tells me to lie to him. But he is too rational. He had a perfect childhood and wouldn’t understand how a person can still haunt me after almost a decade. He knows about Martin of course. He knows the gist of it; the story spine, but he doesn’t know how many times I wanted to kill myself while being with Martin. Three long years. Looking back at it, I can’t even seem to fandom why I stayed so long. Why I fell in love with him in the first place.
I sink into Simon’s arms and try to relax, but Martin’s face is rising back to the surface every time I close my eyes. Still 10 more minutes until midnight.
I wake up restless and without energy. It’s a common occurrence for me. No amount of sleep seems to help my body feel rested and energized. I feel Simon’s warm presence beside me and decide to snuggle up to help my body relax and forget what I dreamt. I’m often jealous of people who can’t remember their dreams. I wonder if they feel better in the morning, motivated to start the day. My body always remembers, and I know I will spend the rest of the day trying to calm him down. I stay in bed of a while longer and then get up to make Simon his tea. It will ease his cold.
Several hours pass and I still haven’t eaten anything. My cup of tea has gone cold, and I still haven’t changed out of my pyjamas or even brushed my teeth. I should take better care of myself, but it feels draining to even think of walking up the stairs into the bathroom and take a shower or wash my hair. I know it need to. I can’t show up at work like this tomorrow morning. Simon and I have reversed back to the same position. He is on the couch watching TV while I’m sitting at the living room table, typing away and hoping it will help me feel better.
There is so much that I actually want to do. Working on my novel, reading my astronomy magazine, doing Yoga or reading a book. I look at the clock and panic strikes me as I see that another hour has passed and I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything today. Well, at least the dishwasher is running, and I actually made an effort and wrote several people on WhatsApp to wish them a happy new year.
I know I must be patient with myself and practice more self-compassion. However, on days like this it just all feels hopeless. I have the irrational urge to ripe my heart out and bury it in the garden. It’s racing again and I don’t know whether it’s because of my thoughts or because of the Earl-Grey tea that I had this morning. I wish I could stop time.
How is your first day of 2023 going?
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This is gonna an excuse for me to write out a messy rusty lake vent post sorry. Also from someone whos vanderboomed pilled dude you are so right. Past within is really cool with the mechanics and art but albert coming back was......a choice. Willaim afton vibes. Albert is a pervert lil creep what the fuck is he gonna do for the plot??? Rusty lake's masterminds should only be the furries get him out of here!!! Bro thinks he's a part of the team. He was a pawn (or knight lol) for crow's plan to revive his brother. that makes albert and the vanderbooms so tragic to me personally. How albert was destined to be the plague of the family and once he filled his purpose it was time for him to die. bro wasn't even the king he was the horse. Him becoming triumphant at the end is >:( let him rot. I swear to god if albert plays a bigger role in the story. Im guessing once the day of the lake is over it'll shift to whatever the fuck rose and albert are planning which I'm not as excited for. I do enjoy the prequel/side stories like white door I feel like rusty lake the company is just polishing its skills to make the most important game the series has been leading to dale arriving to the hotel. But god waiting like 5+ years is roughhhhhh. At least we know now that's the next game.
Rusty lake should stop expanding on the vanderbooms and go into asura society like they clearly have one with the posters on the hotel rooms walls. Why is there 2 rabbits. What the fuck does mr rabbit's letter mean??? substance???? what does this mean for the other eilanders. My underground blossom rant as a laura enjoyer. I kinda wish it never happened? Which is weird because its like paradox....but so much weaker. Both are about the exploration of our main characters about their trauma, the fixation of a missing lady, the traveling of past, present, and future, and their messed up childhoods, nothing really gets added to the plot except us learning that they have great importance to the lake and they shall take over it. Both even have a line about how they're too fucked up to be fixed. Yet I love paradox so much more. UB is just so lack luster from the puzzles and even as an exploration. We get almost actual glimpses of her life and its just ok. Whats so special about her time at school? why did the train travel there? Bob and laura first becoming a couple is important but I feel like it just doesn't pack a punch felt unneeded. Like without it we could just assume they became one after the white door flashback. Paradox just feels so haunting from the past brain to that other brain birthday piece puzzle with Mr rabbit being a secret east egg that pops out at you. Makes Dale's trauma feel so much lack of a better word scary? Laura's one of rose leaving her I just cant feel as connected. Maybe its because laura didnt have a separate game about child lane in cube escape about rose but it just bothers me. Laura for the entire game is like I miss my mother......where did she go.....and it feels like the game is just overcompensating how they never gave laura a reason why shes so depressed until now. Like laura has always been sad about her mother's disappearance. Us not knowing why laura is so ill works better for me. UB is just confusing too I wish they didnt make harvey the guy we play as. Harvey is supposed to stay a bird why is he in his anthro form. Theres the explanation that nothing in UB is real and its sorta like a play. With how we know laura wasn't wearing her cube dress when she broke up with bob. But there's also parts of the game where it feels like it did happen in a train station and AUHHHHH. Perhaps its too much to ask for clarity from this game. I wish they went all out with UB. Wish they touched on being what the reincarnation of your great great uncle is like. One reference of willaim please that isn't in the secret ending. Wish they did lane about laura's paranoia era or show a better progression of laura's mental health. Anyways seasons is a much better game about laura. ALso you're doing god's work of doing david and dale explorations the devs are too scared to make smh /j Fr tho you make me miss the dale storyline
Oh... I saw a post on Reddit about some fans feeling like Rusty Lake is losing its plot with the last few games and it hurt to read cuz it made me realize... Yeah... Kinda. At first I thought "I just didn't care much about the last 2 games cuz they're about the Vanderbooms who I don't really give much of a crap about." But resurrecting characters like Albert out of nowhere and shit is like... Ugh. We didn't need him to come back his story ended fine in Roots. There are other characters who deserved more lore exploration. I'm biased clearly but literally been waiting so long for Mr. rabbit lore that sometimes feels is never gonna come and I'll forever be wondering why he did what he did. How he got there. And what happened to him or where he is now. And the whole two rabbits mystery yada yada yada. Literally one of the most mysterious characters. Seemed to have a plan and his own story happening in the background of Hotel and Birthday..... And then he's just never brought up again except in Dale's memories.
I miss the story being revolved around Dale and his journey to the lake... He's been stuck in that fucking elevator for ages now and I want the story to progress past that. I know they probably are trying to tie loose ends before they progress to that point but sometimes in efforts to do that, they're just muddying an already complicated plot more than it should be.
Like brotha I went on hiatus from the games for a couple of years and came back AND HES STILL IN THE FUCKING ELEVATOR AND LIKE 3 OTHER GAMES CAME OUT AT THAT TIME. The white door was pretty cool I liked the focus on Bob who had little lore before
The past within tho it has a cool concept is when things just started falling apart
I'm stuck hyperfixating on the games up to paradox cuz thats the golden age for the games for me. Everything after Paradox was just... Meh
People might disagree and that's fine. But something is starting to feel different and wrong about the games and I hope I HOPE the next game puts things back on track.
#rusty lake#sorry I exploded onto you like that#losing my shit how this is my next post after house farts nasty#EJBRGJBGEK
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happy 200! i’m so glad to see your blog grow, it’s one of my favorites and i adore all your writing. i’ve never cried so much and i love the kind of unsettling feeling you write in your fics, it’s perfect in the category of yandere and dark content. in particular, i loved your drabble about shigaraki mourning over a dead reader and i’ve reread that one too many times to count haha! as for asks for headcannons and drabbles, it would be amazing to see that with bully!eren especially since he was such an awful person to the reader. i’d love to see him suffer honestly, but if you don’t want to write it, that’s completely fine! once again, i’m so proud of you for hitting 200! that’s such a huge milestone and hopefully, there will be many more in the future! :)
SYNOPSIS: bully!Eren has to navigate the world without you.
Pairing: Bully!Eren x Fem!Reader
A/N: I can't even explain in words how much I CHEESED at this message like my grin was ear to ear. can't explain how many times I read this. It singlehandedly made my day anon, and to repay you for my happiness....here is some angst. this is a slightly different route than the shiggy one but I hope it still suits you <3
TW: mentions of death, past dubcon/noncon, mentions of trauma, bullying, alcohol addiction, drunk driving, abusive behavior, revenge porn, nonconsensual photography/videography, mentions of infidelity, angst, so much of angst, violent behavior
WC: 2.5k
It's not like Eren had been doing a lot of soul-searching. He's not delusional enough to label his half-assed epiphany of "maybe I'm a shitty person" as soul searching.
It's just the conversation with his very sick mother burned holes through the back of his mind. Carla had asked about you and why you don't come by the house anymore. How she missed baking with you in the kitchen, and how you sweetly smiled whenever you would see soft creamy peaks form in the meringue.
Eren felt like he was swallowing needles as he assured his mother with false truths, that nothing was going on and distance between childhood friends is natural, and if it means so much--ok ok he'll bring you over.
He stays until he sees her chest slowly rising and falling into a gentle asleep. He touches the tip of his ears, unsurprised by how hot it was.
Eren, when you tell a lie, the tips of your ears turn red.
You're not at school the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.
Guilt is not an emotion he feels often but the events of the past weekend replay in his mind. It was just a dumb party that Floch threw, and he was surprised to find you cornered by a trio of thee dunderheads. Like a distorted fairytale, he swept you away from the bad guys like a knight in shining armor, to only shove you in an empty room and demand compensation for playing hero.
Fuck, with that big mouth, you would think that you'd know how to suck cock.
Use your tongue stupid slut. If you use teeth, I'll shove this dick in your ass without any prep.
No, I don't care, you're taking all of it.
There's a video on his camera roll. How could he not record it? You're sobbing, mascara running down your cheeks, looking so beautiful and ruined with jizz smeared at the corner of your mouth. He was brutally fucking your mouth, making you take all of his length.
Breathe through your nose dumb whore. Or else you're gonna run out of air.
You were pleading with whatever garbled sounds you were constricted into producing.
Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.
Eren is conflicted with muting the video because he can't stand to hear himself like that. But he didn't want to miss out on your pitiful whines.
He remembers the distraught expression on your face when he was finally done with you. He tucked himself inside, and sneered, "I've got a girl coming here. Get lost." You looked so fucking distraught. Why? All he did was make you suck his dick. He didn't even fuck you.
He should have. Eren thinks grimly when he stares at your empty desk on the first day you didn't show up to school. He's gotten off to the video more than enough times than he can count over the weekend, and he was aching to see your pretty face twisted into a terrorized expression when he flipped up your skirt to grope your ass.
Kindly, Eren decides he'd allow you to have a rest day. But the second day, Eren pays a visit to your house finding it dark and locked, like no one was home and hadn't been there for a while.
On the third day, you're declared missing.
Your incompetent workaholic mother who finally came home and decided to give a damn reported you missing to the authorities who had scratched their heads because as far as they knew, the pivotal 72 hours were up.
Paradis was surrounded by forests. No one wanted to say it, but they were all thinking it. If you got lost in there, chances are you wouldn't make it out.
Eren wasn't always this admired and fawned over. He had his fair share of behavioral issues that frightened people (not you though, not then at least, not when you were children, and you still came back every day to play).
But when he channeled that anger into sports, there was somewhat of a star in the making, especially for some small-town boy. He was becoming extremely popular, and that's nice and all, but at the end of the day, he has a mother whose health was taking a sharp decline. He was constantly under stress, stress that he took out on you.
Where did his favorite stress-ball go?
It's all fucking surreal. Having detectives in the school. Not that there were many students to question (because christ, did you even have any friends after Eren turned everyone against you?).
Eren was questioned. He can't help but mirthfully chuckle. Maybe this was your grand plan, maybe you were able to finally sort out a mountain of evidence against him. If you were going to fuck him over, didn't you want to see it happen with your own two eyes?
The dark-haired boy wishes that was true. If you had gotten your revenge, would you be here? No, revenge isn't the right word. If you got any justice for what he made you suffer, would you come back?
Hi, I'm Detective Hange. I would like to ask you some questions today. You're Eren Yeager, right?
Yes, that's me.
How do you know ___?
We were childhood friends. We're uh, we're not as close anymore.
When was the last time you saw her?
Friday night at Floch's party-
-Floch Forster right? There were a number of kids there from your school.
Yeah. It was a big party. She uh, doesn't usually come to parties but she was there that night.
You were the last person to be seen with her. Other kids have said that they saw you and her entering a room together, and then only her leaving the said room.
[Sigh] Yeah we sorta...hooked up.
I thought you said you guys weren't close anymore.
You can be not close to someone and still hook up with them.
But you guys were close once right?
Yeah. Once.
The dark-haired boy asks if he was under any suspicion. The detective waves their hand in a dismissive gesture, “If her diary tells us anything, it’s only that she really liked you.”
Were detectives even allowed to divulge that sort of information? Eren doesn’t know but the stray detail that they offered off-handedly made him feel like he was swallowing needles.
At that point, Eren honestly still doesn't believe you're gone. You had a habit of running away, even when you were little kids, but you always came back.
Still, he participates in the search parties with a renewed vigor, even going alone in the forest with a flashlight on most nights.
And he's just so fucking tired. The darkest crevice of his mind almost wishes you were dead because this ignorance was just agony. Almost. Because he still clings to the feeling that one day, he’ll stroll into class and find you in your seat in the back of the class, looking out the window like some cliche shojo manga protagonist.
There are folders and folders on his phone. Albums. The most recent one is dedicated to your crying face as you were choking on his dick. Earlier albums are composed of creepshots of your panties, of that obscene o-face, of your skirt flipped up and your ass cheeks, pictures of your cleavage, videos of you thrashing as he dunked your head into toilets like a villainous middle school bully.
Pictures of your neck covered in hickeys, your naked breasts, ass cheeks striped with red after getting spanked, your leaking cunt, just endless and endless media dedicated to pieces and pieces of your body like you were never a whole person.
The earliest ones though tell a different tale, from off-guards to your drooling face as you napped in the middle of the day.
He has a favorite picture. Your eyes are watery from the cold, snowflakes stuck between lashes, nose and cheeks flushed red, and you're smiling. Smiling right to the camera. Right at him.
"Eren, are you taking a picture?" You asked, bouncing in place, giddy that it was finally snowing.
"Not of you, shut up. Get out of the way." His voice is gruff but not harsh.
You laughed and jumped into frame anyway, and the bright streetlamp behind you made you seem like you were wearing a halo.
He wishes he had more pictures of you being...yourself. Because now your crying face displayed over countless pixels haunt him. But like a fucking degenerate, he still jerks off to all the nudes he coerced from you. Sometimes he cries when he's jerking off which is probably the most pathetic thing he's ever done. This is what you've reduced him to.
He hates the sound of his own voice.
Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.
Eren goes through the motions of life without really feeling like he's in the moment. Seasons change and time flies. His mother dies, and his withdrawn father dies a year later. He proposes to Mikasa because it's something he was always supposed to do. She loves him unconditionally, so even when he doesn't put any effort into the relationship but proposes, she says yes hoping he'll change and be a good husband.
He doesn't go to his parents' funerals because they're already dead. What's the point. He doesn't visit the candlelight vigils in your honor either. After tearing his ACL again and a somewhat traumatic injury, he kisses his pro-football career goodbye. To be totally honest, he's relieved. Because he had gotten quite bored, and maybe he was looking for excuses to quit the entire time. It's not like you'd be cheering on the bleachers anyways.
Mikasa has an affair, more out of a desire to see her fiancé feel something for her as opposed to any burning lust. But when she asks him if he's ever cared at all, with tears springing out of her eyes, he's just calmly drinking his fifth of whisky.
The dark-haired man doesn't even look up, "Let's break up."
"Is this about her, huh? Fucking get over it already Eren. She's GONE. And you have some big fucking audacity moping about her death like you weren't making her cry in the bathroom stalls every fucking day you piece of shit."
"Get out."
"You know what, I bet she killed herse-"
SMASH
The dark-haired woman doesn't finish her rant because the whiskey bottle smashes on the wall next to her head, sending glass everywhere and staining the carpet amber. She's unharmed, knowing it wasn't Eren's intention to hit her but Jesus Christ, what a monster.
She packs her bags and leaves the town like she should have a long time ago. All her friends had left years before and she stayed behind because that's where Eren was. She thanks her lucky stars that they didn't marry.
It's funny because he had always imagined himself being the first to move out of their small town, but he's the one staying. He can't leave this place. feels too tethered to ever leave. Every diner and liquor store is saturated with memories of you. He remembers buying cigarettes and exhaling the smoke to your face to piss you off in empty parking lots.
Maybe he stays in case you'll come back.
Eren's days consist of alcohol-fueled hazes. He doesn't know how his liver is still functioning. He doesn't know he's still alive after crashing his car into a tree when he was drunk out of his mind. He was on his way to get some more vodka.
He barely recognizes himself in the mirror anymore, not that he looks at himself much. His hair is long, nestled around his shoulder because he couldn't be bothered to cut it, dark circles under viridian eyes, and a perpetual stubble on his jaw.
His parents had left quite a sizable inheritance so there's no need to work but he's good with his hands. Likes crafting up birdhouses and cabinets, and occasionally does odd jobs around the neighborhood, never charging the elderly.
He's under the sink, tinkering with a wrench against the pipes when he hears the old lady coo at him.
"We're so lucky to have you Eren. I'm surprised a handsome young man like yourself doesn't have a special lady. The girls must be lining up at your door!"
The dark-haired man winces, and offers no comment, knowing that that the older lady was susceptible to long tangents.
"You know, we're getting a new neighbor." Eren grunts as a response. "They're young, I've heard. Isn't that exciting? Oh my, Eren! I think they're gonna be living in the house right next to yours..."
He tunes out the rest of the conversation because doesn't really care. He just hopes his new neighbors are quiet.
It's Sunday noon when obnoxious noises of moving trucks and people wake him up from his deep slumber. Eren's annoyed to wake up despite the fact he's probably been sleeping over 15 hours. He oscillates between getting too much sleep and getting none, his sleeping habits completely dependent on his dreams.
His nightmares are too visceral, visions of your corpse asking him if he'd enjoyed hollowing your soul with his teeth.
His dreams are achingly sweet. You in your prom gown, shining so iridescently like diamonds were sewn into the silk. He's dancing with you, holding you close, and then after you guys go to your favorite diner and gorge on burgers and milkshakes.
There's a peal of distinctly feminine laughter that stirs up Eren's senses. He's so pathetic, was the mere sound of a woman laughing getting him excited?
He sighs. He thinks of the whore he's frequently visited because of her resemblance to you. Hair color, skin color, face shape--with enough alcohol, he could really convince the person beneath him, was you. Maybe it's time to give her a call, but she's gotten so fucking needy and he hated how her voice didn't match yours.
The green-eyed man peers from the lace curtains, irritated by the brats playing on his lawn. A full family next door? Great, just what he needs.
The friendly knock on his door breaks him out of his daze. He contemplates whether he should answer but on the second more muted knock, he lets his feet guide him.
He turns the knob.
And Eren Yeager completely shatters.
Because it's you isn't it? You're the person standing in front of him? He can hear what you're saying but he doesn't really register it, soaking in the cadence of a voice he had long forgotten because all he had were pleading whimpers and frenzied moans stored on his cell.
He's shaking. Is he dreaming? He's dreaming, right? He knows it's you. You're older, far more beautiful than he's ever seen you. You have a different hairstyle, wearing clothes he would have mocked you for, and there's this joyfulness within you that makes you glow.
There's a mess of emotions electrifying in the pits of his stomach from euphoria, anger, and dread. He could feel his skin growing clammy like he was about to vomit at any second.
"Hey, are you all right?"
Doe eyes full of concern peer up at him. He voices out the syllables of your name like a desperate prayer.
You tilt your head to the side, "How do you know my name?"
#eren yeager x reader#bully eren yeager#toxic eren#eren yeager x you#yandere eren x reader#eren jeager x reader#eren x fem!reader#eren yeager x reader fanfiction#attack on titan fanfiction#dubcon tw#tw noncon#tw abuse#tw drinking#tw drunk driving#eren yeager fanfiction#dark content#dark fic#tw trauma#tw depr
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Okay but fr
Im Rambos’ overprotective, questionable, violent(not towards him) and haunted s/o who makes him candles and teaches him to quilt.
And he can come pet my cows to relax, and if anyone says shit to him all they see is a big metal agender bastard coming to fuck them up…
Idk…just feel he needs a tired, metal, badass s/o who’s only soft spot is for him and they show him the good things in life again
Bruh i want to be this for him too!😭😭❤
Gladly.
John Rambo (Last Blood) x reader
Warnings: mention of war, mention of PTSD, probably inaccurate farm related shit, bad language
Masterlist
"Hey, John? You got a minute?" (Y/n)'s voice startles the veteran as they poke their head around the door, an expression of barely contained excitement on their face.
Looking up in surprise, John stops his movements before he accidentally sticks himself with the needle in his hands, putting the bundle of fabric down in his lap.
"Yeah. What do you need?" He rumbles, frowning a little, curiosity piqued by their jittery behaviour.
"Wanna help me with the foals? It's their first time outside." They grin, speaking quickly.
John considers the offer, remembering back to his time on his father's ranch, back when he was a kid: the foaling season, or more accurately, the time after had always been his favourite, seeing the young animals exploring the world for the first time. When he was a teen, his father had once let him pick a foal to raise himself, a small buckskin mare with a fiery demeanour that made for some interesting riding. He'd trained her up and had ridden her in many a race, though he's certain now his father had sold her as soon as he had left for the army. Eager to see the sights of his childhood again, John nods in agreement, climbing to his feet with some vigour.
"Yeah, I'll help. Let me just get some boots on." He tells (Y/n), placing his sewing aside and moving to follow them out into the hall.
"Ok, I'll wait for you outside." They reply, turning and leaving through the front door, allowing it to swing slightly behind them.
Swiftly, John pulls on his thick-soled boots, lacing them up tightly before pulling his trousers leg down over the top of them. Years ago, he would've tucked them in, but (Y/n) had once told him that the action would always remind him too much of his old occupation and habits, and that it might be healthier for his head if he tried to breach these second-nature quirks. Shaking his head, he almost smiles at the reminder of the words they'd used to describe it, straightening as he goes to leave through the door, grabbing his battered old Stetson on the way out.
As usual for this part of Arizona, the sun is beaming down onto the ranch, heating every available surface mercilessly. The air is hot and dry, too, but John's used to it by now - the contrast with the thick, humid jungles of Vietnam always helps to calm him, too. He sometimes misses the sweltering heat of Thailand, but he knows now he only ever liked it because it was familiar, and kept him in a mindset he knew he could function under. Now, he's changed.
John makes his way over to (Y/n), who's stood before the smaller barn they've set aside for the foals in their youth, tipping his hat down over his eyes to shield them from the blazing sun. Already, he can hear the muffled whinnys of the young horses, the excited creatures keen to get out and explore properly for the first time. He feels his expression soften a little at the familiar sound, a smile trying to pull at the corner of his lips as he moves in beside (Y/n).
"Come on." They grin, pushing open the door.
Stepping inside, the two are immediately faced with a barrage of happy snorts and neighs, five gangly foals pushing at the gate holding them back. John has seen them before, but hasn't been in such close proximity, leaving (Y/n) to work with them for the most part, given his speciality in the older horses, so he finds himself marvelling at their oddly amusing antics. They're all about the same size, nudging and pushing at each other in their haste to get out.
"How do you wanna do this?" John asks, looking at (Y/n) expectantly, before eyeing the far door, which leads to a small field behind the stable.
"Get a lead on 'em and get them out one by one. It'll be safer than if they all rush forward."
"Ok."
The two move to take up a few leading ropes each, swiftly fashioning slipknot into them to easily but safely close around the foals' necks. As they climb into the pen, the young horses move to nose at their clothes and hands, snorting softly at them. One, a small black-and-white palomino, thrusts his head into John's coat, whinnying gently to him. Unable to help the small smile the plays on his lips, he carefully lifts the foal's head and slips the lead over his neck, tugging it to tighten ever so slightly. Standing, lightly ties the line to a nearby fence post, before repeating the action with two of the others, waiting for (Y/n) to finish up. Once they have, he takes a foal's leash and heads to the far door, which he pushes open and steps through, taking the cheerful horse with him.
As they step outside, the two foals picked first pull at their lines, excited as they try to leave and explore. John is quick to walk on into the field itself, getting halfway before he leans down and gently slips the rope off of the foal's neck. Instantly, she bounds off, gangly legs moving quickly as she rushes to check the area out. It's not long before she's joined by her brother, who also hurries about wildly. Chuckling, John turns his back and moves to repeat his action, the two ranchers soon managing to get all the foals into the field.
Standing back, they watch as the youngsters explore, neighing in curiosity and surprise when they find plants they haven't encountered before, a couple calling out to the stallions in the field over. Laughing amongst themselves, and pointing out a few in particular, John and (Y/n) follow the small palomino from before, who consistently trots up to John to judge against him.
"You know, I think he likes you." (Y/n) laughs, ruffling the foal's mane as he shuffles past.
"I guess so." The veteran smiles and watches as the young horses bounds back over to his friends, turning his gaze on (Y/n) instead.
He can't help the flush of affection he feels for them, eyes roaming over the familiar torn jeans, fading Guns 'n Roses shirt that hangs loosely over their muscular build and the bright grin in place on their face. Suddenly, he feels the urge to say something, so he reaches across and takes their hand in his. Surprised, they look at him, head cocked in that way he loves.
"John?" They ask, turning to him.
Taking a breath, he smiles at them.
"Thank you. For this, for showing me that there is still good in my life." He murmurs, knowing they'll hear him.
It takes them aback, he can tell, but the glowing smile he's rewarded with makes his heart ache for them, itching to take them in his arms and hold them close.
"You didn't need me to find it, I just helped a little. And I'll do it again. Gladly." They reply softly, squeezing his hand before stepping forward and wrapping their arms around him.
Returning the gesture, John melts into the embrace, holding them tightly against him.
-
Tag List - @the-mind-of-moss @80s4life @snowgoldwaylon @slystallone @feirceangel
#sylvester stallone#rambo#break writes#john rambo#rambo x reader#John Rambo x reader#John Rambo imagine#Rambo imagine
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[11]
AHA!
Just when I begin to wonder if Fog will having nothing in particular for me with my hindsight goggles, Fai comes in clutch to save the day.
Made infinitely better by the immediate follow up:
Because of course.
Also:
~
Warning! This post contains spoilers up to chapter 170 of Tsubasa (and Chapter 71 of xxxHolic). Please skip this if you have not read that far.
Please also make no comments about what happens after that point in either manga.
~
Naturally on the first read through you can tell Fai is speaking from mysterious experience, and that he’s giving Syaoran some advice that will lighten the load for him and help Sakura at the same time. Fai explicitly gives Syaoran permission to have fun with Sakura in THIS moment, because Syaoran gets so caught up on what he’s lost that he might miss the chance to connect with this new version of Sakura moving forward, so it’s a great moment for growth.
And it SUCKS knowing what Fai has gone through on the other side of this advice HOLY HECK. Fai has so much suffering in his childhood alone that he could dwell in those memories continuously forever, including the moments he thinks he caused (but didn’t). A Fai that was caught up eternally in that guilt and always acted in that manner would be a very different character entirely.
But I think the biggest twist here is that in the moment we first read this it sounds like WELL ADJUSTED advice. And it absolutely IS NOT.
Fai’s advice makes it sound like he’s even partially come to terms with his tragic past and is making efforts to move on. HE ISN’T. HE’S NOT DOING THAT. He’s very specifically on this quest to die at the end and reverse what he thinks he did, and in doing so bringing his brother back to life. Fai’s able to momentarily let go of the horrific weight he bears on his shoulders BECAUSE he’s in the process of working to erase it, and that means having a bit of fun on the way is ok, because it doesn’t mean anything. After all, there is absolutely no way his actions haven’t haunted his every living moment for centuries already. Fai’s advice is sound to Syaoran, but for Fai himself the advice hides the grim decision he’s already made and is still working towards.
And lucky us - this shows us some of Ashura’s long term influence on Fai as well. The entire reason Fai endeavors to smile so much is to lighten the load on everyone else around him, specifically to make up for what he sees as one of his central flaws. His magic can’t heal people like he wants it to - it can only destroy - so instead he has to smile for people, to help them in any way he can. Making other people happy is and has ALWAYS been at Fai’s core, at every moment of his life, and this really shines a spotlight onto how he acts most of the time. He knows a great deal of the darkness is lying ahead for these people (some of them he thinks HE might have to cause, if he has to kill Kurogane) but by this point he’s already connected with them. So he gives Syaoran the piece of advice that his public persona hinges on; that acting happy even when you aren’t will make OTHER people happy, and that’s sometimes just as good!
But it’s not, really. Not for Fai. He deserves so much better than his own falsehoods, and I LIVE for the fact that he will eventually (after Seresu) be able to claim back his playful nature and incorporate it into living for HIMSELF for the first time in his whole life. Fai will, eventually, get to act happy to make HIMSELF happy, as well as others, instead of entirely for others, and this is just The greatest growth possible.
Still! His advice to Syaoran in this moment is actually helpful and will help Syaoran himself grow in ways that Fai won’t for a while - because Fai is still trapped in the prison of his own trauma right now, and that’s ok. He’ll get out eventually!
#Listen I didnt go into this series connecting with Fai to scary degree#But Im there now and I refuse to leave!#Ma’am this is my emotional support traumatised vampire#Tsubasa catch up chronicle#Tsubasa#Catch Up Fog#Catch Up T24#Fai's arc reaches RIGHT INTO MY SOUL in ways I could never foresee#And now I will never let him go#HE’S MINE CLAMP COME AND CLAIM HIM
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Ok, so I tried to keep this one as canon as possible, so I hope it turned out good and you guys like it!
Tiny Thing [Dad!Dabi]
Your relationship was not even a relationship. The two of you were together, yet there were days in which Dabi went missing for weeks, and you had no idea if he was coming back alive. And didn't change when the happy not so happy little accident happened. He let you make the choice, keep it or... Just finish with all of it. After days and days of thinking, you have decided that you were going to keep the baby, and of course, you gave him the liberties, either if he wanted to stay or just go away, at the end of the day a kid was not a game, neither something simple or temporary. It was a surprise when he said that he was going to be there, not all the time, but he was going to try. It was not only his past that haunted him, but also the fact that he was a villain. How were you going to explain your hero friends? family? How could he tell the LoV that now he had a kid? The two of you just couldn't, and that creature was your best secret.
Everything was set for that Friday morning, your best friend was going to babysit Kaji as you were out for half of the day, but things are not always how you expect them to be.
''I'm coming!'' You said, letting the ten-month-old infant on his crib as you went to open the door.
''Hey there'' Your jaw dropped when you saw the black-haired man standing in front of you.
''Dabi? What are you doing here'' Your voice was full of surprises, but you quickly pulled him in so no one could see him.
''Told Chapstick he could fuck off today'' He smirked, sliding his hands on each side of your hips as he kissed your jaw.
''As much as I would like to do this, and ask you where have you been, I can't. I'm already late and-'' He interrupted you when it hit him.
''The thing. How is it?'' Dabi asked, moving away from you so he could see you.
''The thing has a name, Kaji. And it is your kid'' You raised an eyebrow.
''My thing'' He replied back, making you roll your eyes.
''He's fine'' you punched his chest softly ''Ema is coming today to take care of him.''
''Who the fuck is Ema'' he asked furrowing his eyebrows ''Where are you going?'' Dabi asked again.
''My best friend, and I got a call from the job. They need me there until two pm, so she will be here in a few minutes.''
''I can take care of him'' He stated simply raising his shoulders, and you opened your eyes in surprise.
''You what''
''I can take care of him today, is my son after all.'' he said again ''I'm not gonna burn him alive as my father did with me, so don't worry princess''
You hit him on his shoulder again, making him laugh at his dark joke. And you thought for a second, was it a good idea? You trusted him, but not the people that were after him. What if the League finds out? What if some hero arrived at your door and saw him with a kid, without knowing he was indeed his father? Those questions were screaming inside your head, but you decided to give it a try. It was the first time in three months he was back, and... You wanted Kaji to spend time with him.
''Ok, fine. But call me if you notice things start getting messy, or if you suspect something, got it?'' You said with concern, the baby boy was your life. And certainly, your love for Dabi remained the same even though things were informal between the two of you.
''Messy as in he threw up on me, or messy as in there's a bunch of villains coming over?''
''You know which one'' you said and started moving quickly, grabbing your bag. ''Listen, gotta go now or else I'll lose my job. He's sleeping in his crib, the toys are all over the place, if he doesn't stop crying you'll have to pick him up, his favorite toy is the one that looks like you, he has to eat at one pm, then take a nap. But I should be back soon, I'll call you''
For more than you wanted to stay more time with the two of them, you couldn't. Your incomes were the only thing that allowed you to live in the apartment, and of course to give Kaji what he needed. You left a soft kiss on Dabi's lips before going back to the baby's room and press a kiss on his forehead. You were going to call Ema on your way to the job to tell her there was someone else taking care of the baby.
Dabi just stood there, and look at the number of colorful toys scattered on the floor, why had he said that he was going to take care of the baby? He had no idea what to do, but a part of him wanted to spend time with Kaji, his son.
He walked slowly towards his bedroom, and saw at the crib with some kind of panic, confusion, and maybe a little sadness because he had lost enough of his life already. The boy sleeping in the crib was just like him, the same facial features, and he was thankful he had your hair color and not his, not another reminder of his past. It was still hard to believe that he had a son, that tiny innocent creature had no idea of the father he had, but he was trying, trying hard not to be so shitty. Dabi rested his forearms on the cribs, looking at him.
''Fuck you're cute, you little accident'' He said to himself, trying not to wake him up. ''So you're just gonna sleep there until you find something better to do, huh? Fine then''
Dabi started walking around the room, looking at the plushies, interactive toys, everything. Was his childhood like that? He had some good memories, but the bad ones were more. And looking at the little thing sleeping on the crib, he couldn't even imagine putting him through the same hell he went. He was a bastard, but not a psycho. Nor a selfish hero.
He had no idea how many minutes he spent looking at the toys in the room, until he heard a babbling. Dabi turned around, and there he was. Awake, showing off his turquoise eyes. The same eyes he had. There was no doubt he was his son. Once more his forearms were on the edge of the crib.
''Hope you remember me, you came out of my pants anyway'' He raised an eyebrow. The infant moved his tiny hands, and also his legs. But right after a few seconds, he pouted his lips and started crying as if there were no tomorrow ''Shit, don't cry. C'mon you thing'' Dabi almost pleaded, and he grabbed the first toy he saw, moving it in front of him ''Look at the toy, c'mon''
But the cries didn't stop, on the contrary, they just kept increasing. Was he hungry? did he miss you? maybe he wanted to go back to sleep, and Dabi had no idea what the hell to do until your voice echoed in his head ''Pick him up'' and then he cursed to himself. He was smart, so it didn't take him too much time to know how to lift him, however, he was scared he might hurt him.
''Is this what you wanted?'' He asked when the baby's cry was slowly fading. Kaji looked at Dabi, right in his eyes and it felt like looking at a mirror. He was thinking about everything he has done, all the crimes he had committed until now, how could he be holding a bundle of innocense in his arms? It was as if Kaji heard his thoughts, because he started crying again, louder than before. Dabi hissed and started walking around the apartment, trying to calm him down. ''I know I have an ugly ass face, but you'll get used to it, your mom did so you can too''
Dabi looked around the toys in the living room, looking for the one you said looked like him. Was it a blue one? Or maybe one that was ripped or something. But right in the corner was a pirate teddy bear, his ears and nose full of rings, more like piercings. He scoffed and picked it up, it doesn't look like me, he thought. He moved the plushie, trying to call Kaji's attention with it.
He sat on the floor, letting the kid there too, trying to ease his crying while moving his favorite toy in front of him. But it wasn't working either. And Dabi was frustrated.
''For fuck sake.'' He cursed, using his hand to cover his face, a few gleams of tiny blue flames leaving his hand. And the crying stopped. ''Did you like that?'' Dabi asked, moving a little bit away from him so he could do it again, and when he did, Kanji laughed with puffy eyes. ''You little bastard'' Dabi smirked, repeating his actions and the boy clapped in happiness.
It looked as if the blue fire caught his attention, since it was the only thing Kaji was looking at, not even his toys. Dabi kept using his fingers to light up little but multiple blue sparkles. ''Ok, I need to stop this or else I'll burn the entire apartment down, and we don't want that, do we?'' In a gesture that surprised himself, Dabi left a soft pat on Kaji's head.
The two blue-eyed boys stood there, sitting on the floor. Dabi didn't even notice his own expression, a tiny smile on his face as he saw every little action the kid did, how he crawled around the living room, or how he chewed some toys. But at some points, the toys were boring again, because he started to climbs Dabi's thigh, a way of asking for his attention. Dabi picked him up again, holding him right in front of his face.
''What is it no-'' Dabi hissed. And he hissed in pain because the baby grabbed his chin, pulling at the skin, and by doing so also the staples ''You little fucke-'' He interrupted himself again, as he tried to pull his hand away, and when he did the kid giggled ''There are better things than my dirty staples'' He lifted him on the air, making Kaji laugh again. ''Yeah, you're cute''
Dabi was smiling again, repeating the action of lifting his arms with Kaji on his hands. It was a weird feeling, was it unfair? The baby had no idea what his father did, the things he had done. His smile was slowly fading, the little boy's eyes were pure, shiny and innocent, how could he clap at that man's face? Dabi was feeling guilty, he wasn't worthy of that cute little thing.
''Listen,'' He sat him on his lap, flexing his knees so Kaji could lay his back there. ''I'm a shitty father, but... Damn, I am a shitty father,'' He scoffed at the affirmation ''I'm trying, okay? I know I'm fucked up but I'll try not to be shit with you'' He pocked at his chubby cheek with his index finger.
Hours went by, playing and talking at him as if Kaji could understand every word, even the bad ones. The clock on the wall stroke 1pm, and being functional he stood up holding the boy in his arms, walking to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he found a tiny dinosaur bowl, the content? A disgusting green color, probably many vegetables crushed in order to make that kind of... Soup. Dabi looked at it with a disgusted expression, but he had no idea how to cook for a kid so Kaji would have to it anyway.
The black-haired man took the bowl and the kid back to the living room, sitting him on his tiny chair. He heated the food with his hand, and took the spoon to try to make him eat. Kaji seemed to enjoy it, until he slapped a full spoon against him, staining Dabi's cheek. He cursed and his face had a deadpan expression As if my face wasn't fucked up enough already he cursed under his breath and took a napkin so he could clean up himself. The rest of the lunch went smooth, and once the bowl was empty he left in on the table.
Dabi remembered your words, Kaji had to take a nap after his lunch. Big failure. Twenty minutes, thirty five, an hour, and the baby was still awake. To his eyes, his father was funnier than a nap. But then he thought you should have been home by now, but that changed when you called him. A trip to another city, you said. And a part of him was happy, and the other was worried. Was he going to be able to take care of him the rest of the day? Maybe. He took a deep breath and kept with his task for the day.
They went back to the floor, the kid sitting between his legs as he kept playing distractedly with his toys. There were moments when Dabi lift him up, and made him set his little feet over his, and trying to make him walk, but Kaji was having the time of his life rather than learning how to walk. Dabi took some pictures of him, even he got a selfie. And there was no way he was going to let Toga near his phone again, they couldn't found out about Kaji. No way.
When night arrived and after his dinner, Dabi tried to make him sleep on his crib, but then a thought haunted him. What if something happened? What if someone entered through the window and take Kaji away while he was sleeping? He couldn't do that. So he picked him up again and went back to your room. Dabi opened the bed and set the kid in the middle of it. He got rid of his boots so he could lay by his side, and resting his weight on the side of his body he laid a hand on Kaji's tiny belly, preventing him from falling.
''I meant what I said earlier, tiny thing'' He whispered ''I'll try not to be a shitty dad. Just give me some time and I’ll figure this shit out’’ '' He closed his eyes.
Taking care of a baby was tiering, and eventually, Dabi could feel his eyelids heavier and heavier. He didn't even notice when he fell asleep next to him, not moving an inch away from Kaji. He didn't want that.
You arrived home at two am, and you were quite scared because Dabi was not answering your calls, and when you got home all the lights were off. The door of your room was open, and you slowly walked in. And the sight made your heart clench. Dabi was asleep, and Kaji was peacefully sleeping by his side, his tiny hands over Dabi's hand, somehow holding his fingers. When you took a step in, Dabi woke up and move away from Kaji a bit.
''I was... I was making sure this thing was breathing'' He said, raspy voice and tired eyes. You laughed softly at his embarrassment ''How was the trip?'' he asked in a whisper.
''It was fine, longer than I expected tho'' You laid on the other side of the bed, kissing Kaji's forehead and caressing his head. ''Was it hard?'' You asked him.
''I think this creature loves me more than you do'' Dabi teased and tried to sit on the bed, but the baby whined a bit.
''I think you're right. He doesn't want you to leave'' You looked at him ''And honestly, I don't want you to leave either, Dabi'' He scoffed.
''I guess I can make an exception for the two of you today'' He laid on his side again, and Kaji curled up next to his side. ''And you owe me my payment, dollface'' Dabi said, laying a hand on Kaji's back. Your heart melted again.
''And what is it?'' You asked in amusement.
''Your shitty kisses, because I haven't got one since I fucking got here'' He smirked, closing his eyes one more time.
You didn't know in what stage your relationship was but at that moment? It didn't care. You were there, with the two men you loved the most by your side, and even if it was one night in a hundred, it was a night you were going to keep in your heart and soul forever.
............................................
Tag list [open]: @angelofdarkness1020 @totallytouya @pemichh @hecatve
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Hi ^^ I know that your requests are now closed but I was thinking that, given you have written jealous Shinichi, I would very much enjoy some jealous Ran! Maybe you can mix it with one of the prompts? Just throwing the idea out there, no pressure. Delete this if you don't feel like it, it's okay really. Thank you for writing these amazing fics, the shinran fandom is in your debt. ❤️
So this is the last (!!!) and longest (!!!) of the kiss prompts, and I dedicate it to multiple-requests Anon and to this Anon. I hope both of you still see this. It took me a while. ^^;;
P.S. Special thanks to @artycreaty for keeping this in check. You are awesome. 🥰
41. Kisses shared under an umbrella. 46. A lingering kiss before a long trip apart. (6,489 words)
.
.
.
Ran keeps telling herself she has no right to be jealous.
She has hundreds of reasons not to. They’re merely childhood best friends. Life would be much easier if she didn’t involve herself in his business twenty-four seven. Shinichi absolutely doesn’t look at her that way. And so forth.
She wonders why they’re even friends in the first place. If their parents hadn’t enrolled them in the same kindergarten, she was certain they wouldn’t even be on speaking terms. He lives in a world of grisly books and crimes, she in a world of martial and visual arts. Their hobbies don’t overlap. They excel in different fields. They enter the same university with completely unrelated majors. The only bond they have in common is their shared history. Literally bonded since they were four, until now at nineteen.
So when she sees him all jolly around his newfound circle who hold the same interest in Holmes or detective work, it shouldn’t surprise her as much. It’s part of university life, it’s normal, they expand their horizons, and Ran understands that it hits much differently when they bond with people who like the same stuff they do. Something she’s aware they cannot share a hundred percent.
She’s proud of him, and she absolutely has no right to feel jealous, especially when she sees him around taller, prettier, more interesting women from his course block. There is no reason for her to look away with a heavy weight in her chest everytime the women get giggly and touchy while he’s absorbed in narrating his stories.
Everytime she does, she reminds herself of how he didn’t seem to mind when she was casted as the protagonist of their high school play and the leading man was the handsome Araide-sensei. Or how he simply shrugged when she fawned over the brother of a classmate because he looked so much like the karate senpai she was crushing on. Or when she secretly caught Sonoko dragging the detective behind gym after P.E. to confront him about his opinion regarding an upperclassman courting Ran and his only response was, ‘She can like whoever she likes, Sonoko. I’m not her boyfriend.’
He never showed her any sign of jealousy, therefore he must not be into her. Simple as that. So it’s unfair for her to be treating him differently. Getting snarky just because he received sixteen new fan mails again, more now that they’re in uni, and two even coming from the popular criminology seniors he is often teased to? Or ignoring him unprecedentedly just because his eyes followed the back of a woman with long chestnut hair and voluptuous curves? There are plenty of fish in the sea, and he’s bound to be attracted to someone else. This is a pill she ought to learn to swallow eventually.
Eventually.
“Shinichi-kun, you never told us about your scariest case yet, tell us about it?”
Kaori closes her notes and so do the other two girls across her, and Shinichi’s eyes twinkle. He truly seems to enjoy study sessions with the little group they made consisting of some of his and Ran’s coursemates because they love listening to his stories.
“At the top of my head is this murderer disguised as a bandaged man, and he targeted us one by one…” and so the detective drones. Ran pauses typing and reminisces quietly. Ah, that one from summer three years ago. I was almost injured by that crazy man during my sleep but Shinichi woke me up in time.
“Ran-san,” Shun, her friend and coursemate, mutters beside her, also stopping his typing to listen to the detective’s story. “It’s ridiculous how popular Kudou-kun is with the girls. He’s full of wild adventures.”
“Yes, he is,” Ran says, smiling. “He’s been a girl magnet ever since high school.”
She watches as Kaori inches closer to Shinichi, listening attentively, chin on her palm and flirtatious smile on her lips as the detective rants on and on.
For the third time that afternoon, Ran looks away.
.
.
Ran keeps telling herself she has no right to be jealous.
She does, everyday, but it’s hard when he smiles at her, cares for her, holds her in a way she’s never seen him do for anyone else. It gives her hope every time the girls cling to him but he never touches them back, whereas he automatically slings his arm over her shoulder because she’s afraid or cold or he simply feels like it.
Then again, maybe she’s giving herself too much credit. Perhaps it’s a free pass for being around him for too long. She even gets to spend time with him during weekends and holidays. It isn’t special because it’s normal.
And that’s all she’ll ever be, a normal girl in his eyes.
“Ran? She’s pretty special.”
Ran reacts to the mention of her name and catches Shinichi looking at her. “She appears quiet but she can kick anyone’s ass without breaking a sweat. It’s bad if you cross her,” Shinichi gloats with a grin.
“Oh my god, really? We can bring her with us then!” Kaori claps her hands in excitement.
“Ah... But she won’t like that,” he follows up, wary. Ran has missed the topic they were talking about and now she’s curious.
“But ghosts aren’t real and Mouri-san can give them a good beating!”
“Gh-Ghosts?” The color in her cheeks drains, eyes freezing at Shinichi who has probably already expected that reaction, for he sports that same look of concern as those times he had expressed whenever she joined him in his way-past-bedtime elementary school adventures.
“We’ll investigate an abandoned house I always pass by walking home,” Kaori explains. “Last night I saw a faint cigarette light at the second floor window. It might be a fugitive or a homeless person or a ghost, who knows?”
“You don’t need to come if you don’t want to, Ran,” Shinichi assures.
Gulping, Ran contemplates whether going with them will do her any good. It’s a nice change, it’s been a while since she last tagged with Shinichi in his cases. But she isn’t exactly proud of shrieking like a little kid in front of serious criminology majors who may feel like she’ll drag their covert investigation down if she joins.
“...I’ll pass,” she answers meekly, and his coursemates sulk except Shinichi, who offers her a smile of understanding.
“Man, I thought we’ll be able to see Mouri-san in action!”
“That’s ok, maybe next time. We still have Shinichi-kun!”
“Shinichi-kun will protect us, ne?”
“Hah. Right. Invite Hakuba too, use him.”
“Oh c’mooon, Shinichi-kun!”
Ran closes her eyes, struggling to zone their voices out.
In her silence, Ran ponders if she has made a wrong choice.
.
.
Ran has no right to be jealous. So it’s unfair for her to be treating him this way.
The following weekend, Shinichi narrates what happened in their late-night investigation. Hakuba wasn’t there so Shinichi was the only available guy as usual. Ran refuses to hear any more details, both of the haunted house and secretly of the girls chancing onto him during the investigation. Shinichi is puzzled.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Nah, just swamped with work.”
“On a Sunday?”
“Yes.”
“Want me to assist?”
“No.”
Her replies are curt from the couch of his house, not looking at Shinichi on the other end as she mindlessly cleans up her digital sketches. She hates how snappy she sounds but her brain is too absorbed with conjuring spiteful imaginations to even think of masking her annoyance.
“Ran, hey. Look at me.”
His low voice freezes her from drawing, and she slowly looks up to meet Shinichi’s serious eyes.
When this happens, she knows he’s reading her. She inwardly chants a prayer because now isn’t a good time. Whatever time isn’t a good time. She doesn’t know what to say when she’s aware everything she’s been feeling is irrational and unfair. She’s being selfish.
“You’re… stressed.”
“No, I’m… Eh?”
He scoots closer, an arm’s length away. “Your dark circles are more prominent now, you need a break.” His eyes turn a soft blue. “Let’s have dinner out? My treat.”
Ran is surprised, to say the least. The last time he invited her out was two weeks ago. She’s become so used to seeing him around others that any initiative from him sounds too good to be true.
“But I need to finish this project by tonight.”
“Let’s have food delivery then!” Shinichi announces, not rattled by Ran’s indirect refusal. “I know exactly what you want. Ramen and shaved ice.”
Her eyes thin at the absurdly goofy expression she knows he makes when he’s being mischievous. “Clearly you’re ordering that ramen for yourself. I only like shaved ice.”
“Damn! Miss Detective gets it.” A mile-wide grin stretches across his face, earning an eye roll from the half-smiling woman. “Let’s eat together on your short break, please?”
He leans within a respectful distance and she sees his smile better, pair of kind eyes locking with her overworked ones. “It’s been a while.”
Her heart throbs for him. So much.
She caves - of course she does - and breathes her acquiescence.
After two long weeks, they have dinner together, just them and Shinichi’s ramen and Ran’s donburi and shaved ice, Shinichi taking a spoonful of dessert from the cup when she isn’t looking and Ran snatching a slurp from his take-out bowl and laughing when he catches her.
With how heartfelt his laughter is in her presence devoid of any mysteries, Ran knows she’s probably giving herself too much credit, but for once she wants to believe she is the cause of why Shinichi’s happy.
Just for that night, she gives it to herself.
She’ll change the dark colors of her digital artwork to brighter ones after they eat.
.
.
Despite everything, Ran finds it difficult to contain her recurring jealousy.
The more she shares precious time with him, the more it gets harder to suppress the selfish emotions. What is so unsatisfying about being the best friend is that she is only the best friend. No more no less. At the end of the day, she isn’t the one he gets to cuddle with, to tease then kiss, to tell ‘I love you’ to, romantically.
“I love you.”
Ran feels her heart about to leap out of her chest.
“But please. Stop. Tearing. The. Cushions!”
The little furball he has scooped underneath a throw pillow wiggle from his grasp. The kitten and detective engage in a brief staring showdown before it jumps away to hide under a farther couch.
Snapping out of reverie, Ran watches her childhood friend slink dejectedly onto the partly scratched furniture. He’s fortunate enough that his mother isn’t around to give him a long lecture on Why Pets Aren’t Allowed in the House 101. She can always take Yukiko-san’s role and reprimand him for it, but as for this and the cat, she finds herself not wanting to intervene.
“Kaori-san sure is taking her time with her parent’s permission. By the time she does, Momo would’ve shredded all the pillows in this house.”
“You named the cat?” Ran asks, amused.
“She did.” He thinks for a moment, then sniggers. “Actually I did. I suggested a random name. She took it.”
Ran merely hums. What can she say? They’re getting close. Close enough to team up as parents to an adopted kitten.
“I’m surprised you also agreed to keep Momo when you never took in animals before.”
“Kaori said she’ll treat me to the latest Detective Samonji movie this weekend if I do. Can’t resist that.”
“Just you two?”
“Yeah.”
A beat. Then he turns to her.
“Wanna join? I can ask her to count you in since you’re kinda helpi—”
“N-no need,” Ran quips, “It’s—It’s fine.”
“No really,” Shinichi insists, “Kaori-san has a lot of money, she—”
“I’m going to Tokyo Metropolitan Art Museum with Shun-san this weekend... so... I can’t.”
“Ah.”
Silence.
“It’s, um, for a project,” she bolsters.
“I know.” The faintest smile graces his lips. “It’s your thing. Both of you.”
“Mm.”
He doesn’t say anything else after that.
“Shinichi, you’re a detective, right?” she blurts out of the blue.
“Yeah...and?”
Then deduce what I feel. Here and now.
“Then you’re going to enjoy that movie!” Ran forces a beam, giving Shinichi a thumb of approval. “And you can discuss it with Kaori-san over dinner. I’m sure you two have a lot to say about it.”
Shinichi’s eyes linger on her, reading her like a book, and Ran has her mind reeling again, afraid to be read.
“Yeah, we do,” he finally says, ending the conversation.
Only a few words are uttered the rest of the afternoon.
Momo resurfaces and curls beside Shinichi.
Momo’s purring is loud, but Ran’s shattering heart is louder.
.
.
Ran must not feel jealous. She is not a girlfriend.
Because she isn’t a girlfriend, he’s free to fall for and date anyone else. Who is she to gatekeep him? There are plenty of fish in the sea, and he’s one big catch. Ran believes she’s a big catch, too. With the way she loves dearly, her future boyfriend is going to be very lucky.
Her future boyfriend is not going to be him.
“...mber the required fieldwork in one of my majors I told you? We actually go by batches. The first batch did theirs last month. The second batch was last week… and I— Ran, are you listening?”
“Ah! Yes,” Ran notices they have already reached her station and are now walking two blocks to her apartment. “Your fieldwork, right?”
“...Yeah,” he carries on. “I’m in the last batch... This whole winter break.”
“I see, I understand.” She smiles, getting what he means. No Christmas or New Year’s Eve together. The first time since they’re four. It’s fine, honestly. If it’s a required activity, then there’s really no way to go about it. She isn’t going to lash out just because she can’t be with him in her most favorite time of the year.
“And Hattori-kun and Hakuba-kun will be with you?”
“Hattori did his last month. Hakuba is in the previous batch. I’ll be stuck with the girls.”
Ran’s heart momentarily squeezes. “Where will your fieldwork be?”
“In Akita.”
Her pupils constrict. “That far?”
“Yes... so to cut on expenses, Kaori-san offered her house for me and the others to stay while we’re there—”
Kaori. Again with the tall, beautiful, intelligent Kaori. She bets it’s amazing to spend the holidays doing what he loves and with Kaori beside her, snuggling with him by the fireplace in a romantic snowy night and she might even confess, and it’ll be a great catch for Shinichi, and he’ll return with a girlfriend, and—
“Kaori-san is lucky.” The words flow out of her mouth, unbridled.
Shinichi looks at her. “Lucky?”
Ran remains quiet and keeps walking. It’s dangerous to say anything. She only has one thing in her mind and she doesn’t want to say it out loud. She has no right.
“Ran, hey.”
She doesn’t stop walking.
“Ran.”
She ignores his call.
“Ran… you’re jealous.”
She stops walking.
“Excuse me?”
“...You’re jealous…” Shinichi repeats quietly.
A contrast to his calm tone, his irises beset hers in the cold twilight and Ran attempts to shield herself but her bag and umbrella are in the way. She thinks of turning away but her feet are frigid like icicles, and Shinichi steps closer.
For the third time, he declares, “You’re jealous.”
Hearing her thoughts echo through his words renders her speechless.
It seems to take a moment before Shinichi’s brow arches, lips curl up as his eyes refuse to stray, and she hears a faint exhale even, like he’s exasperated, and suddenly he’s smiling - or is he smirking? sneering? - and...and...
It stings, is her immediate reaction.
For the longest time, she’d wanted him to take a hint. But if she had known this was how he’d react, she’d rather live a life having him oblivious of her emotional struggle. Dealing with that is more tolerable than witnessing him gaze her down in blatant mockery. He sneers as though he’s about to crack a joke and move on and forget such a laughable matter. That’s the last form of acknowledgment she wants for her honest feelings.
Heartbreak and shame and pain build up in her chest like a volcano closing eruption. Water begins to cloud her vision. She clenches her fist tight on her umbrella and Shinichi notices, and he takes another step forward.
“Ran…?”
“I am not, and you’re a fool.”
In a span of a breath, she’s sprinting in the opposite direction, tracing the path where they have walked, ignoring the distant yells of her name behind her. She runs and runs, and as she runs farther, with her thoughts muddy and breath short and dry, she wonders if she may have overreacted.
If he’s done that on purpose, screw him. If not, screw her.
After all, they are merely friends and she has no logical reason to act this way.
“Stop... running... will you!”
She hears heavy footsteps close in. It takes all the energy Ran has to prevent herself from turning her body around but his strong grip overpowers her.
“Let me go!”
“Why are you running?!”
“I can’t...deal with you!”
“Why? Was I right?”
“Right or wrong, it doesn’t matter!”
“Why doesn’t it matter?”
“Because I am your best friend!”
On another occasion, she would’ve successfully jilted away and run farther, but Ran is floored when he yanks her into a one-armed hug, so floored she drops her umbrella to the snowy ground.
“Stop saying that!” he hisses in her ear, frustration apparent.
“What are you— Let me go!”
He hugs her tighter.
“If you don’t let go in three seconds, I will screa—”
“I am happy!”
Ran stops struggling, eyes widening in shock.
Icy huffs tickle her neck as he half shouts, “I’m happy you feel that way!”
“You’re...You’re happy because I’m suffering?”
“What? No! I—”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better? How?” The hurt in her tone is impeccable, prattling muffled against his chest as she spares him no moment to butt in. “You think I wanted to feel this? That I enjoy griping in helpless jealousy? And you’re rejoicing that I am? How full of yourself can you be?!”
“That’s not...You don’t underst—”
“I do understand! I understand that I am so incredibly stupid for catching this disgusting heap of emotions for an obnoxious, stuck-up deduction maniac that is my best friend and maybe it’s better after all that he never, ever sees me the way I see him!”
“Stop saying that, Ran!”
She thinks he has broken away, but he drags her back with an insistent tug, crashing his lips onto hers as she stumbles into his arms.
All willpower rippling through her disintegrates quickly like snow in high heat.
An impatient pop resonates as he separates, eyes slowly opening, breath thick and ragged.
“I know that is not how we explain things, but does that explain anything?”
She hears it. The madness. But more than madness, yearning bleeds through his voice so much that her frustration turns into physical pain. Blinded by an all-consuming ache, she tips her chin and presses her lips back against his, demanding for cure in the wrong place. Shinichi freezes, then relaxes. He moves his hand to her nape, four fingers in her hair, thumb treading her jaw.
They look like a scene in a movie.
Under his umbrella and hidden from view, they communicate through brushing lips and tilting heads. His mouth closing over hers with gentle force, her hands splaying across his chest, heavy with something that makes his heart pound under them.
She is so lost in the chase and his tender embrace that for a second she forgets she is kissing her best friend.
Best friend.
This doesn’t explain anything. It worsens it.
She pulls back, ending what she has so recklessly started. “N-no, I’m— No.”
She pushes him away, gathers the stuff she drops, and runs without looking back.
“Ran!”
He shouts her name. Twice.
On the third call, his footfalls die down. On the fourth, he stops running.
She doesn’t.
.
.
Thirty minutes before midnight, Ran stands outside his gate, boots buried half foot under the snow as she rings his intercom for the second time, thinking to herself how foolish she must be to cut communications with him for a week and then show up his doorstep looking miserable like a stood-up date.
It’s the start of winter break.
He’ll leave for Akita in ten hours.
She needs to give his Christmas present before his departure.
She’s crazy, pathetic, still frustrated, and hurtfully in love.
“Oi. You better have a good explanation for why you’re buzzing at goddamn midnig—”
“Shinichi.”
His surprised gasp is apparent even through the intercom. A rustle follows and with a croaky voice, he responds. “...Ran.”
Surely he isn’t expecting this. Not after the tantrum she threw days ago. He probably thinks she hates him more than ever. But what she truly feels is more overwhelming than all negative emotions combined, and may god grant her all the strength to address it all, tonight.
“May I come in?”
“The house is—The house is a mess I, um. I’m packing my stuff for...”
“I’ll help you.”
“...”
She’ll understand if he decides to turn her down. But the answer that follows the deafening pause is a low and quiet ‘Okay’.
Despite psyching herself hours before she came, courage wanes when he opens the front door and gate in his pullovers. She is welcomed in, and the trip up his room is wordless. Shinichi only talks when he points out that he’s already packed clothes for two days and will need help for two weeks’ worth. He lamely laughs when he instructs her to pick the tops and layers, and he’ll take care of the pants and underwear.
On a normal instance, she would’ve humored him and they would’ve been talking right after. Now she simply pulls an empty smile and then they fall back into silence.
She supposes he’s trying to act unbothered, to treat what happened a week ago as a one-and-done glitch in their friendship, never to be discussed again. She cannot fault him when she’s trying to do the same. But it’s not easy when in the stillness of the night the echo of their altercation howls, raging persistently in their ears.
What has he been thinking of for the past week?
Has he been kept up all night by the words she said and the words he left unspoken?
Are they still friends? Will they still be friends after this?
The kiss... What about the kiss?
So many questions. So little words. So little time.
Ran is seated on the floor, folding shirts and stuffing them neatly in his duffel bag. Her back faces Shinichi who is sorting out bottoms in his cabinet. She senses him sit on the floor, back against her but not touching. Neither dares to speak first.
A ringing phone cuts the silence.
“Mm, still awake. Good for two weeks right? Gotcha. No, I’ll meet you girls at the station, no need to fetch me. Pfft. I can walk. Ok, see you tomorrow.”
If Ran wasn’t so hyperaware of where she is and what she’s done, her mood would’ve shifted to the one she’d been trying to avoid. Now isn’t the time to think about that. Midnight sneaking out to go to his house is something she wouldn’t do even on good days. She scans her bag on the far couch, deliberately bringing a bigger one to hide his gift. Maybe she can just sneak it in his bag and leave once she’s done and he’ll discover it only when he’s prefectures away. Brown has always suited him, and he’ll definitely find the overcoat useful as spare protective gear.
That’s right. She always cares for him like this. She is his best friend first, and... and nothing second.
“Don’t just leave after putting your present in my bag. At this hour, I can’t let you walk home alone,” he says swiftly.
Ran’s eyes fly wide.
“How did you…”
He doesn’t say anything and continues with his business.
Again with the throat-drying silence.
Something in Ran’s gut compels her to speak, but she is surprised when he does first.
“I... I don’t like Kaori-san. If that’s what you’re thinking.”
Ran stiffens, pausing mid-motion from folding. “I’m not…”
He leans his back completely against her and she shudders, voice reverberating through her skin. “Ran, if you could just hear me out.”
Unable to talk and move, she does.
“Kaori-san and the rest... They know I love mysteries. They know I want to build my own private detective agency. They know my favorite Holmes’ story is The Sign of Four. They know how many crimes I solved in Tokyo. All the information about me which anyone can read from the internet and newspaper and from what I told them when they ask, they know. Ran, you know all that. All that and more.”
He angles his head to the ceiling as if he’s talking to someone there. Ran supports his weight, curling to her knees as she silently listens.
“You know of my first ever deduction because Christ, my first deduction was about you. You know of the two cases which haunt me until this day because I watched the culprit die in front of my very eyes. You were with me the nights I locked myself in here thinking about them. You know of the interesting, the boring, the absurd cases, everything, because I told you or you were there. You know of the odd way I play the violin while I ponder over a case. You know I forget to eat when swamped with new books to read. I have three copies of The Sign of Four but the one I keep beside my bed and read almost weekly is the one you gave me on my tenth birthday and that is all I need. You know me for me, Ran. Everything about me that is off the record, the good and the bad, you know all of those. Only you. The same way I do... about you.”
She feels him crane slightly to the side, addressing her.
“Ran.”
“Mm.”
“I love you.”
Ran’s heart almost completely stops beating.
“I love you,” he whispers, “more than I am even supposed to.”
All words seem to have fizzled out of her vocabulary as she sits still, stunned at what she’s hearing.
“I’m happy growing up with you, studying with you, bickering with you, acting stupid with you, investigating with you, eating with you, napping with you, hugging you, holding you, taking care of you, simply... being with you. Before I know it, it’s not the cases or Holmes or mysteries that complete my days, it’s you.
“For you to keep repeating that ‘best friend’ phrase, I…” He lowers his head.
“For who knows how long, I’ve loved you as that and more.”
Someone pinch her because in no way can this be real.
“I was happy thinking you’re jealous because it meant a sliver of chance you feel the same way. We could’ve remedied the misunderstanding easily, Ran. We could’ve talked it over like we always do. But I was stupid and emotions were high and in the end I… kissed you…” he takes another deep breath, “But—but you kissed me back, and my heart couldn’t stay still...”
Pulse drumming loud, Ran tilts her head on the side where he leans, wanting to see the slightest expression he makes as he continues.
“If my deductions are wrong and you’re mad for a different reason, and—and you returned that for a different reason...” she hears the pang of remorse in his tone, “then please forget I ever said anything and I’ll leave myself to die in humiliation once I’m out of your sight.”
He lays one palm flat on the floor and she notices.
“But if my deductions are right and you were indeed jealous, I...” She feels his head swivel enough to feel his warm breath fan across her cheek, before shifting back front and releasing a slow, guttural exhale he’s kept contained within.
“I’ll wait... until you accept it. Accept me.”
Ran may have choked on her throat for how long she’s held her breath.
In spite of herself, she knows she doesn’t need to think of what to say. She had it all in her head before coming here. Yet expressing it out loud is a different matter.
She isn’t ready, but when will she ever be ready? Shinichi undoubtedly isn’t too. Yet here he is, laying the groundwork for her, no holds barred and a stuttering mess at that. How she plans to build from it is the question she asks herself next.
Inhaling as though bracing herself, she places a hand beside him, pinky slightly grazing his.
“I didn’t... You never showed any signs.”
Careful and calm, he extends his little finger over hers. She doesn’t flinch, and both hands crawl closer until two fingers overlap.
“Either I’m a great pretender or you’re incredibly dense.”
“I’m...I’m not dense.”
“I’m a bad actor, then.” He slides his hand further.
“I was trying so hard to be a supportive best friend for you.”
“I sensed that but ignored it because I didn’t want to assume anything.”
“You did though. Now we’re here.”
“Would you rather we aren’t?”
“I would rather we spend the last weeks of this year talking like normal than being stupid idiots before you leave.”
“It’s just two weeks, Ran.”
“Two special weeks I would’ve wanted to spend with my best frien-... with you.”
Without knowing it, his hand has completely nestled atop hers, four fingers curled between her thumb and index finger.
“Ran... You must really hate the idea of falling in love with me.”
“Eh?”
“You’re so wrapped with the thought that we’re simply best friends that you hold your love in chains as though it isn’t permitted to grow.”
“I… I didn’t want to ruin the only connection we have-”
“Two friends falling in love are still friends… They are also more. You cannot ruin an indefeasible connection. Friendship and love may be the only bond we have, but they’re the most important bond of all.”
Ran falls quiet.
“Geez…”
He releases a thick sigh, brushes his thumb across her splayed fingers.
“I have shit art appreciation skills, but I can take you to museums too... as a friend and as a date.” A beat, and a mumble. “Even to better museums than Tokyo Metropolitan Art Museum.”
She darts her head sideways, realizing something.
“Were you also…?”
“No.”
Ran doesn’t suppress the heartfelt giggle that bubbles out.
“Shun-san has a boyfriend, Shinichi.”
“I—” he pauses. “I wasn’t asking.” Ran giggles more.
“Shinichi.”
“Yes.”
“I love you too.”
The hand above squishes hers all too suddenly like he’s been blown away and is needing something to hold onto.
“I came here to give your present and to apologize for being so shallow and for acting without thinking and for a lot of things actually... but now I feel there’s no need, because then I wouldn’t have...” She looks down at their intertwined hands.
Before she can return his squeeze, he recoils.
“Oh, y-you do apologize. Running away like that.” He coughs, and she can practically hear the tripping in his tone.
“Aren’t you already used to it? I’ve done it many times,” she chides.
“No. Apologize,” he insists. “And look at me while you do.”
Ran’s stomach twists, heart kicking up a step.
It’s easy to talk without eye contact, but to be requested so after confessions are exchanged—
“Face me, Ran.”
The familiar voice of yearning strums her heartstrings, tone sounding a lot like a plea than an order and Ran finds her head instinctively craning at an angle, hand coiling on the floor trying to calm her nervous beating heart. She feels him shift behind as well.
She takes all her time to face him, partly unsure what to do, partly knowing exactly what she wants to do. Despite the deliberate slowness of their movements, it is when they lock eyes that time truly seems to stop.
Shinichi appears so different, so soulful. His blue irises glimmering, fixated on nothing but her as she reveres him with matching intensity. The same guy she treats as her best friend looks at her with tender love in his eyes, darting down her lips and up like no best friend ever would.
“I love you,” he says, breathless. “Make me your boyfriend.”
A wave of emotion sweeps over her, heartbeat fluttering in overdrive as they huddle on the floor, bags and clothes and time forgotten.
“From best friend to... such a shift-”
“Nothing will be different.” He rests his forehead on hers, gaze of soft blue patient though more intimate now, knowing what they share is mutual. “We’ll still do what we do... With exclusive romantic commitment and sweet nothings that translate to ‘I love you’ in more ways than one.”
She attempts a jab on his chest but he catches her fist, soft but jesting beam all too apparent and she does but play along.
“What about when we fight?” she asks.
“Same. But...” he slides a thumb over her quiet lips, parting them slightly, “I can do this once we make up.”
“...Like right now?”
“Like right now.”
A genuine smile is the last thing she sees before delicate pair of lips lands on hers, capping their one-week fight and their last night of the year together in the best and most unexpected way imaginable.
.
.
Ran keeps telling herself she shouldn’t be jealous.
Not because they are simply best friends, because they aren’t. Not because life would be easier if she didn’t involve herself in his business twenty-four seven, because it wouldn’t.
Not because Shinichi doesn’t look at her that way, because he does.
She shouldn’t be jealous because she absolutely has no reason to, is all.
“I haven’t forgotten about your present. I was planning to buy yours in Akita.”
“Stop lying, you totally forgot it.”
“I didn’t. Stop that.” Half-mast eyes rake her side profile, and Ran covers a mirthful grin with her mitted hand holding the umbrella, then yawns. Hours of packing and talking and laughing left them with roughly four hours of sleep. It isn’t like she slept the whole period because while sleeping in his room isn’t new, cuddling while they sleep is. Ran couldn’t simply shut her eyes and heart to that.
“I believe though,” he wraps a hand around her free one, pocketing both of them in his brand new overcoat, “I gave half of my present already.”
“Hnn. That doesn’t count as a gift.” Her hand shifted, coddling his own to a warm fit.
“Really?” A smug smirk pulls up his face. “I believe I am a nice present, Ran. That’s why they—”
“Screw this. You are unbelievable. A humbug. Why do people like you.”
“I know. Why do you like me?” Shinichi laughs as he avoids the swing of her umbrella.
From afar, they see Kaori and the girls at the meet-up point outside Tokyo Station, though they seem unaware of their presence yet. Suddenly feeling conscious, Ran feels the urge to disentangle her hand, but Shinichi holds on, firm.
“Why?” He asks in a low voice.
“I dunno… maybe this isn’t the best time…”
“Isn’t now the best time?” His smile is proud and natural, not one ounce of reluctance visible.
Although she gets what he means, that doesn’t free her of shyness and guilt. Somehow she feels like apologizing to Kaori for… she doesn’t know. She just wants to. Letting her see them like this makes her think that she’s giving her an indirect slap on the face. Shinichi certainly won’t agree because ‘What’s with women and their logic?’, but still, whether or not it’s all in her head, Ran needs more time to prepare for this.
But to her surprise, Shinichi lets go of her hand. They are still a few feet from view when he steps in front of her and turns around. “Maah, fine, I get it,” he huffs, then smiles. “Then, just give me your umbrella.”
The moment she does, Shinichi closes their distance and dips his face onto hers. Ran is given no leeway to gasp as loving lips seal her quiet. It isn’t as long as what they shared a week ago, but the emotions are loaded and full, speaking fond thanks and temporary farewell.
She doesn’t realize she has closed her eyes until he separates, and she’s met with the most tender, most angelic expression he wears only on the rarest occasions. He’s saying without telling that her feelings are valid, she doesn’t have to worry, and he doesn’t have eyes for anyone but her. Somehow, the snow is the sea and fish are swarming around but neither cares because they have already caught each other.
“You don’t have to, silly.” Three layers of pink blanket Ran’s puffy cheeks.
“But I want to.” Grinning, Shinichi hands her back the umbrella. “You don’t like hand-holding. You don’t like being seen. Don’t you think that’s a great compromise?”
“Idiot, many people saw...”
“No, they didn’t!” Upping the duffel bag slung on his shoulder, he steps back and gives her one last goofy beam. “I’ll see you next year, Ran. I’ll call as often as I can.”
Wordlessly, Ran watches Shinichi’s back as he jogs to his waiting companions, who by then have already had their eyes pinned on the approaching figure.
“That is Shinichi-kun! ...And Mouri-san!”
“Ehhh!!?! You’re a thing!”
So much for being subtle, Ran flushes inwardly as she returns the wave the other girls are giving her. At that moment she really does feel immature for her past conduct. All of them are sweet. Even Kaori.
“I knew it Shinichi-kun! Mouri-san is sooo lucky, I’m so jealous!” Ran hears their banter and sees her jab his bicep before acknowledging her. “We’ll take care of him, Mouri-san!”
The Ran from one week ago would’ve had her heart crushed by such declaration, but now she’s nothing but pleased and the smile that forms across her lips is nothing but honest. “Make sure he doesn’t drag your group into a random dead body, Kaori-san!”
“Hey!” surfaces Shinichi’s shout amidst the mincing laughter of the group and the onlooking passers-by, and Ran bids her last wave before they enter the station.
Smiling to herself, Ran returns home, the lingering promise of his kiss committed to memory, knowing that she doesn’t have to get jealous because she has no reason to. Their indefeasible bond is all the assurance she needs.
.
.
.
#shinran#kiss prompts#fanfic#lmk anon(s) if you see this and if you do then yaaay#thank you for requesting!#and thank you for reading!#:')#I have a love-hate relationship with this fic#it's only supposed to be 4 scenes#oh well it is what it is lmao#it's ok ig since this is the last (awww) from the kiss prompts!#😌#I tried so hard with a jealous Ran haha#jealous fics are good reads but writing them is hard :O
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Nightmares
Prompt: Can I just hold your hand from Sarah’s (@yourssuccubus) 400 follower writing challenge!! Congratulations again <3
Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader
Summary: Fred has been having nightmares ever since the war but they only seem to be getting worse. Will the reader’s comforting be enough for him?
Warnings: Angst (oopsies), nightmares
Word count: 1.4k
Tags: @flyingserpxnt @pcseidcnsvoid @cherrycolakxsses @strawberriesonsummer @haphazardhufflepuff @aaannabbanana @schlongbottom @wand3ringr0s3 @hemmoporro @fishstick-knows @sxphiiwrld Fic:
You woke to the feeling of something moving against your arm. Rolling over in bed, you saw Fred’s arm twitching against your own. His hair was stuck to his head, and tears slid down his cheeks, soaking the pillow.
“Fred?” You shook his arm gently but he showed no sign of waking, tears continuing to leak from the corners of his eyes. You leaned closer to his ear and raised your voice as you said “Freddie, wake up!” His eyelids flew open and you watched as his face changed from a display of sadness to a closed book: jaw clenched, eyes downcast. You were still holding his arm where you’d shook it, your thumb gliding up and down his clammy skin. This happened at least a few times a week, and Fred was always embarrassed. You never knew how to convince him that there was nothing to be ashamed of, that you wanted to help him work through it.
“It’s ok Fred, it happens to all of us.” You said softly, placing a light kiss to his shoulder.
“I don’t see you crying in your sleep y/n.” With that, Fred shook your hand off his arm and got up from the bed, grabbing a pillow. His hair was messy, sticking up at the back, and his cheeks were lined with tear-tracks. The sight felt like a weight in your stomach. “I’ll sleep on the sofa so I don’t disturb you.” He refused to look you in the eye.
“Freddie, please don’t. Stay here, I want you next to me.” You watched as his posture softened almost imperceptibly. You shuffled across the bed, making your way to the edge he was standing next to. Kneeling in front of him so that you were face-to-face, you cupped his cheeks gently in your hands. “Please.” You pressed your lips to his, and he hesitated before responding. After a moment his lips moved in time with yours, just like you were used to. This felt right. This felt like home. Your hand moved to take the pillow back from him and he didn’t resist as you removed it from his grip, placing it on the bed. Breaking the kiss, you moved to your side of the bed to give Fred room, and he silently climbed back in, lying to face away from you. You pressed your body against his back, arm holding his waist tightly. Your lips pressed soft kisses between his shoulder blades and you felt him relax into you.
“I love you Freddie.” You whispered to the darkness.
There was a long pause, almost too long, and you felt your insides tightening before you heard his sweet reply.
“I love you too y/n/n.”
--
Nothing had been the same between you and your childhood sweetheart since the war. You felt like you were treading on eggshells around him, always trying to say and do the right thing so you didn’t make his sadness worse. As far as you knew he hadn’t spoken to anyone about what he’d been through, his near death experience. And yet you knew it haunted him every time he closed his eyes. You wished he’d open up to you, let you help, but he never did, and every day you felt more and more unsure of whether your relationship would survive like this.
For four consecutive nights Fred had had nightmares. There had never been so many in a row before, and you couldn’t think of a reason why they were getting worse. Logical or not, the twist in your stomach was undeniable as you were awoken for the fourth night in a row. You didn’t understand: time was supposed to bring healing, not this repeated agony. You just wanted Fred to be ok, wished there was something you could do to help. At least you’d always been able to convince Fred to stay in bed with you where you could hold him - always, until now.
“Y/n, we can’t keep doing this.” Fred’s eyes were bloodshot as he sat up in bed, you sitting next to him, hand resting on his thigh. “It’s not fair on you.”
You squeezed his thigh in an attempt to reassure him. “Fair? I don’t care about fair Freddie, I just want you to be ok. Do you- do you maybe want to talk about it? About your dreams, I mean?” You desperately searched his face for a sign that this would be the night he’d let you in, but instead he let out a dry laugh that made your blood run cold.
“It’s not your problem. It shouldn’t be your problem y/n.” He shook his head, staring down at his lap and fiddling with the duvet that lay messily on top of you both. Almost to himself, he repeated “It shouldn’t be your problem.” You felt your eyes start to sting and you furiously blinked the tears away.
“I want to share everything with you Fred. Everything. That means good and bad, don’t you get it?” You took hold of his hand, tracing patterns on it with your thumbs as you silently urged him to look at you. He didn’t. “We’re a team, we’re supposed to deal with this together.”
“Y/n, I love you, but Merlin,” his voice cracked with a sadness that you were only used to seeing while he was asleep, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” Your thumbs stilled against his hand, thoughts freezing and then playing at high speed. He can’t be- is he breaking up with you?
“You don’t have to do this alone.” Your voice was breaking too but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. Fred chose not to respond, instead standing up without turning to look at you. Somehow you knew, knew that this time he wouldn’t come back to bed.
“I’ll stay with George while I figure this out.” He was almost at the doorway, you still in bed. Him still not looking at you. What were you supposed to do? How could you fix this? It seemed that he’d already made up his mind, already built his walls to be impenetrable. You stopped thinking logically, all you knew is that you wanted as much time with him as he was willing give you.
“Can you- Can you just hold my hand Freddie? One last time?” Finally his eyes met yours. Finally he was seeing you, not just looking but seeing: what you were going through, how you’d been hurting too. How this would only hurt you more. But would it be enough to make him stay? He stayed rooted to the spot.
Tentatively you placed your feet on the floor, pushing yourself up from the bed. You were still looking into Fred’s eyes, willing him to keep seeing you. One foot in front of the other, slowly, as though you were afraid to spook him. The only sounds in the room were your light footsteps against the hardwood floor and the sounds of you and Fred breathing. After what felt like an eternity, you reached the doorway where Fred stood. Your faces were inches apart, breath mixing in the air between you. Neither of you dared look away, dared move your faces apart, but you didn’t move them together either, stuck in this twisted limbo. You moved your hand forwards, fingers reaching for Fred’s. Finally they grazed his skin, and it was like the spell between you had been broken. He clasped your hand tightly, then held the other one too, before crashing his lips against yours. You let out a slight moan against his lips, all the feelings you’d been bottling up coming to the surface. This just spurred him to deepen your connection, kissing you harder, tongue flicking into your mouth. You lost yourself in him, this man who you’d known for so long and yet sometimes felt that you hardly knew at all. This man who you loved. This man who you wanted to stay. That thought brought sense back to you and you broke the kiss, heavy breathing filling the room.
Your hands were still holding Fred’s, afraid to let go. You rested your forehead on his, searching his eyes. You built up the courage to ask the question you weren’t sure you wanted to know the answer to.
“What- what did that mean?”
Fred gulped, pulling his hands away from you and retreating further into the doorway. Your heart was thumping, and you had an overwhelming urge to cry or scream or fall to your knees as Fred spoke the words that broke your heart.
“That was goodbye.”
End
Part 2 here
A/N: So apparently angst is becoming a theme of mine... Thank you for reading, please don’t hate me xD I’m actually quite proud of this fic; it took me a while to write and has been through a lot of editing so I’d really appreciate feedback if you enjoyed it! It’s the likes, reblogs, and comments that inspire me to keep making content <3 Feel free to check out my writing challenge or other fics, I hope you’re having a good day/night! ~Lee
#fred weasley#fred weasley imagine#fred weasley angst#fred weasley x reader#fred weasley x you#fred weasley one shot#weasley twins#weasley twins imagine#weasley twins x reader#weasley twins angst#weasley twins x you#weasley twins one shot#harry potter#george weasley#fred weasley fic#harry potter fanfiction#harry potter imagine#harry potter x reader#hp fanfic#yourssuccubus400writingchallenge#nightmare#tw nightmares#nightmares tw#harry potter angst#angst#gryffindor
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In Letters
Requested by @imaginesbymk: Oh gosh hi! Could I request a imagine w/ Eugene Sledge falling in love with y/n and when he returns home he surprises them with flowers and asks y/n out on a date? Hope this was ok!
Pairing: Eugene Sledge x Female!Reader
Warnings: Swearing, fluff, mentions of war
Words: 1,795
Summary: (See Request)
Note: So I got a little carried away and I’m not too proud of the ending, but I tried my best and I hope you liked it :D
Taglist: @matth1w, @redspaceace-writes, @fandom-puff, @darling-i-read-it, @simonsbluee, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow
Masterlist | Joe Mazzello Masterlist
My dearest Gene,
The nights seem quiet, deafeningly so. The room feels lonesome without your presence. Although it pains me to admit it, it’s not just my chambers that are haunted with such sadness.
I feel goosebumps rise from my skin as I lie in bed, similar to the ones I’d get when you wrapped your arms around me. The hairs on my neck rise just as they did when you whispered in my ear each night, assuring me that nothing could hurt me, for you were there to fend off whatever creatures dwelled in the night. But alas, these are not from you this time. My body reacts in such ways to a frightening feeling, one I almost forgot having never felt it after the first night you snuck into my room, and the nights prior to your descent. With you away, I have no soldier to protect me whilst I rest.
My words, melancholy yet true, shan’t bring you down... I hope. Please do not assume wrongly of my intent; I am indeed very proud of you. So much so that I simply cannot help but worry.
What has my worries, you may ask?
Well, my soldier, it’s you. Whether this letter will actually find your soft hands at all, I know not, however, you told me to have hope, so I will. Before you set this parchment aside and go out to your tasks, I ask one last request.
Take your advice, and have hope. When the nights become too much, think not of the horrors, but of me, of this letter, of the nights back home wherein you protect me like you are now protecting us.
You’re so strong and brave. I find it mandatory that you know that and believe it, not just hear the words and brush it off as a compliment. Eugene Sledge, it is a fact. You hold others up as though you are Atlas and they are the world that you carry upon your shoulders. Even now, you carry a burden and you march forward nonetheless. It amazes me. Inspires me, truly.
To end this letter, I’m unsure. Do I make up some falsehood to fill you with delight? No, no, I cannot do such a thing to you, even if I wanted to. I can try all I want, but anytime a lie is formed on the tip of my tongue whenever I talk to you, it rolls backwards rather than out like I want it to.
What ever are you doing to me, Eugene Sledge?
Y/n
Darling Eugene,
You didn’t have to send me the necklace. You know that, right? Nonetheless... I have yet to take it off since I received it. It smells like you. Before the war. Your scent lulls me to sleep as though you are lying with me once more. I’m too overjoyed to remind myself of the reality. I hope you received my gift. And I hope it gives you the same affects yours does unto me.
I try to cling to the hope that you may return safe and unharmed. Any type of war is never easy, I know that, I really do, and I know you won’t be the same person you were when you left. However, you will always be my Gene. With that being said; I will never turn my back on you the way you wrote, the way you feared I would.
Lest you too lack of sleep more than before, I have included a gift of my own. See to it as...a gift to make things even. It’s only fair, seeing as you sent me an accessory you crafted. If you haven’t seen it yet- open it.
A locket can be seen as a feminine accessory, yes, but in truth, it’s attached to no sex. I do hope you like it. I’ve also debated on sending you one with a photo of us both, but settled on purchasing matching necklaces. One for you, which holds my photo, and one for me, which holds yours. Before you lecture me on spending money on you- I spent it for both my sake and yours.
I’ve read every book you gifted me throughout the years and still, you are not yet in my arms nor beside me in the study. I try to imagine, but it gets harder as time goes on. I miss you.
I hold strong aversion to the time it shall take for your return. Nothing pains me more than the suffering you must be going through, and the suffering I too am experiencing. Though my pain is less than yours, it is still great in its ability to affect me. Life without you is dull, meaningless, gut-wrenching and awfully depressing.
Have you made any friends? Other than “Peaches” and “Snafu”, whomever those men are. Perhaps you can introduce some of them to me when you’re home, I’d love to meet the men who kept you company. Any friend of yours is a friend of mine. (Peaches is quite an interesting name though. I mean no ill-will behind my curiosity, but...is “Peaches” his real name?)
In reference to my previous question; I myself haven’t made any new friends. To be completely honest, I rarely leave the house. Whenever I step foot outside...it feels...well...pardon my language, like I’m entering a shit show, stepping into hell itself. I’d rather be in hell than live in a world without you.
Think not of my prior comment. Merely bask in the positive parts of this letter. For me.
All my love,
Y/n
Eugene,
I heard you boys are coming home? I do hope the news is true. I fear I cannot face yet another disappointment, nor much longer without you. As time has gone by, nights spent without you beside me, days awfully bore...your face seems to fade as though it plots to abscond.
Funny. It’s seldom that I think of anything else, and it still rebuffs all my attempts to conjure your image into my brain. Whilst I have photographs to assist in my efforts, I can’t quite see your beauty in full, as though the photo is faceless. I miss your charming features and I loathe myself for having struggled to remember them now, even if it happened against my own wishes.
Albeit my words, which were truthful, I still see you in my dreams. Only, when I wake, your face abates until it’s lost in the nothingness, lightyears away from my grasp.
My sincerest apologies for the briefness of this letter and its majority of sorrowful content. I would write you a thousand joyous letters if only I had the strength to tell you falsities.
Awaiting your return,
Y/n
Each letter he received from her warmed his heart and never failed to put a smile on his face. Despite being in a literal warzone, joy never left his heart. The nights where he couldn’t sleep due to the things he had to see, the things his imagination conjured up, or just due to the lack of Y/n. It was the last one more often than not.
Snafu teased Sledge with each letter he managed to catch a glimpse of. Despite the man’s suggestive teasing, the two in question were only friends, inseparable since childhood. However, he wasn’t completely wrong with his jabs. Eugene felt his heart long for her like hers did him, but his longing wasn’t purely platonic. Since his teen years, he felt an almost magnetic-like pull towards her. Her letters only amplified the harshness of the tug on the invisible rope.
His hands shook as he wrote back to her, the first few lines seeming very unlike himself, but the rest so poetic and beautiful, even Snafu was speechless. The words were there, but they only really flowed onto the paper after he let go of control and wrote from the heart. Honest and sincere, he told her as much as he could.
The only thing he didn’t include ever, was a confession.
It took almost all of his strength to prevent himself from giving in to the urge of being lovesick-fool. But as her letters grew more desolate, as the war became more intense, as his time to write shortened...he couldn’t bring himself to confess. He couldn’t bring himself to push that onto her- a confession during the war, forcing her to live with his last letter being a question he could never fulfill.
...
He underestimated himself in so many ways.
The second he returned home, he bought flowers and rushed to find her, not even caring to make sure he looked his best. It was the first thing on his mind. Despite being ever so tired, his eyelids begging to drop for a little while longer, his feet sore beneath him- he powered through.
His fist rapped against the door, a quiet hiss leaving his mouth through his teeth at the feeling of his skin coming in contact with the hard wood. It creaked open, half of a face, an eye mostly, coming into view slowly before it widened and the door swung open.
“Gene!”
She surged forward, wrapping her arms around him as she leapt into his grasp. The two chuckled for a moment before her feet found the ground again and they stood in silence. Drinking each other in, all they could do was smile.
“Oh!” Eugene exclaimed once he’d returned to reality, holding out his hand to Y/n. “I uh- bought these for you.”
“Thank you.” She smiled sweetly, accepting the gift with teary eyes.
“But...not as a friend gift, really.”
“Well of course not, we’re best friends!”
“No, no... I mean it as a step above best friends. I mean them as a gift and a question.” Her brows furrowed and she tilted her head, visibly confused. “I know I just came home- I haven’t even changed my clothes for fucks sake, but I need to ask. I’ve wanted to ask for so long.”
Y/n’s eyes darted around, even more confused than before. “Ask what?”
Eugene cleared his throat, finally meeting her eyes; “Would you be interested in joining me for a meal...or, more specifically, a date? It doesn’t have to be today-”
“Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Yes.” Y/n bit her lower lip and giggled. “I would love to. Tonight, after you get some rest, I’ll meet you at your place.” Y/n placed a hand on Eugene’s cheek, smiling at him. Then, her lips replaced her hand. She turned and walked back inside, closing the door with a smile.
The soldier outside, who had faced and won two wars around the same time, stood outside, hand where Y/n’s lips were, and a matching smile upon his lips. He was undoubtedly glad he didn’t confess in letters.
#eugene sledge x reader#eugene sledge#eugene sledge imagine#joe mazzello#joseph mazzello x reader#joseph mazzello imagine#imagine eugene sledge#joseph mazzello#joe mazzello x reader#joe mazzello imagine#zodiyack#x reader#reader insert#all readers#imagine#the pacific#the pacific x reader#the pacific imagine#i hope you liked it!
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I have a very tragic question. What if Emma died by fighting demons & her close friends/family witnessed her die (ofc that includes Norman...)? Can u imagine how her friends/family would react to her sacrifice?
Yay it's sad headcanons hours!!!
Norman: Dead. Destroyed. Seeing Emma die in front of him would literally be his worst nightmare coming to reality. He'd probably be not accepting she's gone and would keep shaking her corpse for a long time, screaming, tears uncontrollably streaming down his face, begging her to come back. Don has to take him by force away from Emma's body because he just won't leave her. After the event, he spends a week at home alone, not allowing anyone near him. Nobody knows what he did during that time. But I believe after some time he will find the strength to keep going on, and return to relative normality. He knows that there's people who needs him: be it the habit of being a leader or his innate kindness and altruism, but he knows he can't abandon his family. And he has swore not to leave Ray on his own. So he keeps living. He constantly tries to keep his mind busy, not allowing himself to indulge on painful memories, which will lead to him constantly overworking himself (it takes an inhuman amount of work to distract that big smart head of his). He tells himself that's what Emma would have wanted, that he has to keep living for her. But a certain light has left his eyes, and it will never come back. He will blame himself for her death for the rest of his life, never being able to let it go.
Ray: His immediate reaction to Emma dying in front of his eyes is not as strong as Norman's: maybe it's because he's already experienced many near death experiences with her, but he isn't taking that she's dead. He waits for her to get up, frozen in disbelief. For the first time in his life, his fast reflexes and incredible observation skills just can't keep up with what's happening around him. Why is everyone screaming? Why is Norman crying? Emma cannot be dead, that's impossible. Emma is too strong to die. Everyone needs her, and he knows she would never abandon them. But then what's happening? Why doesn't she get up? With Emma dying, time stopped moving for Ray. He can't put himself to do anything. His life has lost any meaning. He's shocked. He's furious. He's desperate. And soon enough, he just stops living. He knows that's not what Emma would have wanted, and he feels sorry for that; but he's not strong enough to keep going on. I think there's kind of a deep meaning to his reaction? Thanks to Emma, Ray started living: he started thinking that happiness, freedom, love attended him in his life, when previously he only saw death. Now, with her dying, he has once again lost all of it, and all that's left is emptiness. I don't think Ray would kill himself because that would be REALLY disrespectful towards Emma, but I think he would essentially just let himself exist, and stop living. His family would try to cheer him up as much as possible, but with time it becomes evident it's all useless. However, they keep hanging out with him, as they don't want to leave him alone, and he really appreciates it. But his family loving him and him allowing himself to love them back is just another part of Emma's legacy, and it hurts in its own way. Norman insists for the two of them to move in together, and Ray doesn't oppose, but in his life there's now this gigantic, empty space that is impossible to fill, and that crushes him more and more every day, slowly consuming him.
(Oh my God I've made myself sad?? Jk forget about it, if Emma died Ray would party.)
Gilda: When Emma dies, Gilda's world falls upon her. She can't believe it. Her first reaction is similar to Ray's, but in her case rage fastly takes over the other emotions. Emma shouldn't have abandoned her family, the children that so much looked up to her. Emma had no right to betray Gilda, to leave her alone. Of course it's just a defense mechanism, and Gilda doesn't really believe that, but right now that's for her the easiest, most immediate reaction in order to not let the pain kill her. She's losing sight of what's the meaning of living, now that Emma's gone, fastly falling to desperation. Eventually Don will be able to bring her out of her state, and show her that there's plenty of things that make life worth living. I truly believe these two have an amazing relationship, and they would be of great help to each other with coping with the grief. Gilda is going to be ok, because that was the most important thing for Emma, for her friends to be happy.
Don: Let me get this straight: he's as desperate and lost as everyone else. He just lost one of the most precious people in his life and he's absolutely destroyed. He cries a lot, on the spot and the days and nights after. Emma was a big model and inspiration for him, but before that, she was a dear friend like no others. However, I think between him and the people before listed he would be the most functional one although the pain. He's broken, but he still manages to get up and push the others to move forward. Now that Emma is gone, he knows that somebody has to take her place; and even though he knows there's no one like her, he can at least try to be the support the children need. His family needs him, and he owes it to Emma. After Emma's death he will be the most helpful guide to help the others overcome the grief- which is sad in its own way, because if he helps everyone, then who helps him? I hope these kids will get therapy.
Anna and Nat: Shocked. Desperate. Heartbroken. They're young enough to see Emma as an older sister and old enough to fully feel the pain of her death. Hopefully they will be able to recover.
GF children: They're all so confused and lost. They can't understand what's happening. More than Emma's death, which is hard to process on it's own, they're shattered by their older siblings reactions. They would be upset indeed, but I believe children have a magical way to cope, and they will eventually be able to overcome the pain. They're the ones that best cherish Emma's memory, truly believing that she lives in their hearts and in their happiness. They become the greatest cheer up and drive to keep living for the older ones.
Phil: Heartbroken!!!!!! Miserable! Inconsolable! Emma's death deeply signs him. It takes him weeks to fully recover. After that he will try acting as normal as possible, especially for his younger siblings, but he'll never manage to be as cheerful and thoughtless as he used to be ever again. His childhood died with Emma.
Oliver: He cries a lot. Since Emma was younger than himself, he loved her as a younger sister, and when she dies, he blames himself for failing to protect her. However, he will do his best to reassure and help the others. Goldy Pond's experience taught him that it feels better to keep yourself busy, so that your mind won't have the time to linger on the pain. It isn't the best coping mechanism for him to handle the trauma with, but he indeed was of great help to fill the leader space Emma had left behind.
GP group: Upset. I like to believe that with the time they spent together at the bunker, they started loving Emma as a sister, rather than looking at her as a leader or a hero. That made her death all the more dreadful. Emma's death brought back once again the horror and desperation of the hunting ground, the pain of losing the family you loved. Having it suddenly brought back after such a long time was horrible: multiple people had breakdowns, with many thinking that such suffering is destined to haunt them forever. Eventually, with the support of their family they will help each other to get out it. Group therapy guys!!!
#tpn#the promised neverland#I really should avoid letting asks pile up 😭😭😭#They're all very interesting but they take a while for me to properly sit down and answer to them... Sorry peoples#Anyway this was generally very fun to write?#Except for Phil's part that wasn't fun#Why is writing angst so entertaining?#tpn norman#noremma#tpn ray#rayemma#full score trio#tpn gilda#gildemma#tpn don#gildon#tpn anna#tpn nat#tpn gf children#tpn phil#tpn oliver#tpn gp gang#tpn headcanons#mine#people asks me stuff#I find it very hilarious how Anon felt the need to underline how Norman is part of Emma's family?#Is it because Anon ships NorEmma? Is it because Anon thinks I dislike NorEmma?#Is it because Anon isn't sure whether Norman is part of Emma's family or not? Either way it's hilarious#Thank you for asking I had fun!!!#emma dies au
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Ok I have got to know what happened with Oliver's character on that one show that makes you rage so hard every time you see him.
WELL NONNIE I'LL TELL YOU!
This is a warning for spoilers if anyone wants to watch this show because my rage cannot be contained.
OK SO...
This show is called Into the Badlands and Oliver's character is named Ryder. Basically the premise of this world is that it's kind of post apocalyptic/alternative universe where humanity got so caught up in trying to one up each other that it sort of imploded and now you have this society where either you're super wealthy (the Barrons), super poor (Cogs and Nomads), or somehow a ninja (The Clippers and whatever the hell MK was supposed to be). ANYWAYS....
Ryder is the son of Barron Quinn. Now the surviving land is either divided into like factions run by Barrons (who control a majority of major trade) or there's these lawless lands that are run dredges of society. You either become a Barron by killing another Barron (which is what Quinn did) or you are an heir apparent. Ryder is more an heir presumptive because Quinn won't outright name him his heir even though everyone just assumes it.
This is because Quinn is batshit crazy and thinks he can just live forever through sheer stubbornness and will alone. This is especially hard to do because he has a massive brain tumor that's dwindling down what little bit of sanity he has leading him to make questionable choices such as killing the only doctor they have in the lands who would've been useful pretty much for the rest of the series but go off Quinn. Ryder has a lot of resentment towards his father, which I will get into in a minute, and at the same time has gone out of his way to prove to Quinn that he's a worthy heir. Except Quinn keeps comparing Ryder to his second and regent, Sunny, and he's just all around a shitty person in general.
NOW HERE'S THE AMAZING BACKSTORY WITH RYDER:
So, when Ryder was a child, he was kidnapped by these nomads who were trying to blackmail Quinn. Ryder's mother begged Quinn to pay the ransom and save Ryder. Quinn... refused. So the nomads tortured Ryder and (Gross warning) like cut off part of his toes and disfigured his foot in the hopes of crippling him and scaring Quinn into giving to their demands.
Quinn, again, refused.
Eventually Quinn's regent at the time, Waldo, defies Quinn's orders and goes to rescue Ryder from these nomads. Waldo defying Quinn is a big deal because he's a clipper which is basically a soldier (often brought in from the slave faction called Cogs) and they take their oaths to their Barrons very seriously. Barrons trust no one but their regents because again you can become a Barron by killing them. But Waldo always had a soft spot for Ryder.
SO Ryder is saved and eventually nursed back to health but he always has a bit of a tragedy cloud hanging around him because from what we were told Ryder was a very sweet, bright child before he was kidnapped and was brought back as "a broken bird" and he's been doing everything he can to get rid of the broken bird image ever since.
Quinn resented Ryder for making him look weak and Ryder resented Quinn for... Well being a heartless dick.
But here's the crazy part... They both, in their own way, still kind of loved each other.
Now I won't bore you with my rant about how the best antagonists are often the tragic figures who have fallen from grace (Peter Hale, Draco Malfoy, Loki to name a few) BUT I will say Ryder had the PERFECT foundation of showing that fall. He was an asshole and hard and spoiled and super privilege but also soft and still a little broken. There's a whole other narrative involved too with his childhood love and how his dad planned on marrying her but we won't get into that.
ANYWAYS Ryder still had this desperate need to prove to his dad that he was a worthy heir but in his attempts to prove himself (and his dad's fall into madness) his dad started seeing him as competition. Competition and another objects (like Quinn saw with most other characters but especially Sunny). But Quinn has this weird kind of pride when it comes to things that he considers his and an attack on his property is an attack on him. There's a character named the Widow who lured Ryder out and tried to kill him slowly and personally as well as Sunny as an attack on Quinn and he went bananas (sorta).
Ryder was fine eventually but he realized that trying to prove himself to his dad was never going to work so he decides to try the other option: which is killing his dad. Partially because if he doesn't, Ryder is smart enough to know that Quinn's going to get him killed, but also because Quinn's descent into madness is spiraling faster and faster and Ryder wants to protect the legacy. Nothing to inherit if his dad burns the whole thing to the ground!
Long story short, Sunny turns on Quinn and stabs him and everyone thinks Quinn is dead and Ryder takes credit for it therefore succeeding his dad by becoming not only Barron of his father's lands but some other Barron that got murdered by another subplot that was pointless.
Now Ryder is determined to bring peace to the lands (not out of some noble obligation but because he just wants people to chill the fuck out). And for the most part... he's doing okay.
BUT THEN PLOT TWIST HIS DAD IS ALIVE AND CRAZIER THAN EVER.
Basically his dad storms Ryder's house, chases him down in the garden, and they fight. But Ryder's foot that was crippled when he was a child trips him up and the fight gets even messier. Ryder's sword breaks and Quinn points the sword to his own chest and tells Ryder to finish him.
Ryder hesitates and so Quinn takes the sword and stabs Ryder. You know like a rational father would do.
Quinn then asks Ryder why he hesitated and Ryder whispers "because you're my father" before he dies in Quinn's arms. Quinn is... horrified because he realizes that with the death of Ryder is the death of the last parts of his own humanity. He mourns Ryder but also like... takes no responsibility for killing him but neither did Ryder so he can't process it. Later on he's haunted by Ryder but again the man has a giant grapefruit sized tumor in his brain so it's all very reverse Hamlet if you will.
SO LOOK AT ALL THIS POTENTIAL!
THE REASON I RAGE:
Is because Ryder was set up to fail from the beginning. Which is great!....... If that had actually happened. The show worked so hard to tell us that Ryder was a failure and a coward but if you look at it from a story perspective... Ryder was the opposite of a failure. Every time someone told him he couldn't do something, he proved them wrong. Again and again and again. But that was never good enough for anyone. So that vicious cycle would've been amazing to see!
But instead of exploring any of that, we had to watch a storyline that was frankly ridiculous from the beginning that took up way more time than it should. There's a character named MK, who was supposed to be inspired by the myth The Monkey King, but if you don't know that story then you never would've figured that out. Hell, I knew the story and didn't figure it out until I had to google his name because I kept forgetting it. In comparison to everything else happening in the show, this magical mythical storyline just didn't fit and I'm not kidding when I say I watched a season and a half of this show and forgot about MK every time.
Now if you noticed my icon is Buck in a Box. That's an inside joke I have with a friend about this fucking show. The first scene starts off with Sunny stumbling onto a group of Nomads who go absolutely feral about this massive box they don't want him to look inside. Turns out MK was in this box for reasons that were too weak for me to even remember but again MK was entirely forgettable. My friend and I kept talking about how it would've been better if Ryder had been in the box because the Ryder and Sunny rivalry had so much unexplored potential that would've been incredible if we started from the very beginning instead of just being told over and over again that Ryder hates being compared to Sunny.
Sunny is the main character and Quinn, unlike with Ryder, was incredibly proud to have Sunny "in his possession" and Ryder hated him for it.
But did we get to explore that? NO! Did we get to explore the parallels of Sunny and Ryder chafing at being considered possessions by Quinn? NO! Did we get to explore the trauma Ryder was working so hard to shake off? NO!
Instead the show spent so much energy victim blaming Ryder essentially for being the son of a Villain and his Nonsensical Ambitious Mother who had the misfortune of being kidnapped by bandits as a child while telling the audience that Ryder was never going to succeed. That Ryder had no honor and was a coward and weak.
They spent way more time trying to tell us that we should hate Ryder and that he was a bad guy but didn't do ANY of the work to show the fall from grace to prove that. Ryder remained a tragic figure that didn't fall from grace but was rather pushed off by lazy writing because they wanted to focus again on this magical ninja boy with a penchant for getting in the way and ruining everything.
I rage because Antagonist and Villain are not the same thing. Ryder had the potential of becoming a villain and his death by the hands of his father would've cycled him back into the role of a tragic figure. But instead... it was just wasted.
THAT is why I rage. You had the material right there and yet you spent so long telling us that we, the audience, don't like Ryder instead of showing us anything that would make us not like him (besides the whiny white boy thing).
Instead I found myself rooting for Ryder. Like could you imagine if Ryder and Sunny went against Quinn together instead of having the weakest rivalry known to man? Could you imagine Ryder's fall from grace of wanting peace in the lands as it turned to greed? Could you imagine Sunny becoming actual competition for Ryder instead of being manipulated to do so?
WE GOT NONE OF IT.
THIS is why I rage.
#I'm so sorry nonnie#I ranted#But you asked for it#So here it is#Oliver Stark#Ryder into the badlands#Into the badlands#anon#ask#answered
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