#ok the person who said it is trans but it’s still wrong???

[prehistoric-rat]

in finland our biggest pride event canceled their partnership with our biggest political party because the party hadn't voted in agreement about our new trans law (to allow self-ID and remove requirement of being sterile (yeah really)) (the party had ruled it a “matter of conscience” and abt 1/3 voted against), and now our news are full of the members of that party being pissed abt it and our likely next prime minister commenting how this is “sad and offends many people”, and ppl are flocking to lament and mock how pride is so intolerable and how u have to have 100% correct opinions in order to participate and i'm

[ellecdc]

okay then consider this a request!! for poly!marauders or just remus/james/sirius, whatever you prefer, for a reader with excruciating period cramps (self-indulgent because mine are horrible, but whatever!!) if you could do it that would be awesome ily!

ok I'm sorry I really made this very much self indulgent in maybe the worst way ever lol. I've been having a lot of fun with chef!Sirius lately, and had briefly discussed this idea with @maladaptiveescapism a while back so it felt fitting. I've also gotten a lot of period fic requests before and have never been all that interested in them which is so strange seeing as I'm a person who experiences period's and they're really popular? WOW sorry, what a tangent. TL;DR, thanks for your request, sorry if I ruined it a little, I probably won't ever write a period fic again lol

chef!sirius x mixologist!reader who calls in sick to work because of her period [2.9k words]

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7

CW: period fic, reader has PCOS, brief allusion to Sirius' shitty childhood, trans!Reggie agenda 'cause I can, Sirius worried reader won't be accepting of his trans brother (spoiler alert, we are because we love our trans homies), Sirius being the worst (positive & affectionate)

Sirius was on his best behaviour today.

Honest to god, hand to his heart, best behaviour.

But there was truly only so much one bloke could do when they had a Jeffery to deal with.

“I’m going to need one of your staff for the evening.” Jeffery said without preamble; standing half-in the kitchen with the swinging door to the floor propped open as if he wanted to ensure there were witnesses to this conversation should it go sideways.

“Jeffery, do you wake up every morning and smoke a bunch of crack before you come to work, or are you really just this dense?” Sirius spat as he dropped his pan in front of him and fought the urge to turn and give the floor manager a withering glare. 

Jeffery, well seasoned to Sirius’ theatrics, bit back an eye roll as he carried on. “We need someone to cover the bar.”

Sirius did turn at that, but his withering glare fell somewhere between aghast and bemused. “The bar?”

“The bar.”

“Why?”

“I need coverage for Y/N.” Jeffery explained with a sigh, clearly growing tired of Sirius’ line of questioning.

“Where is she?”

“She has called in sick, chef.”

“Sick with what?” Sirius continued, causing Jeffery’s brows to furrow as he stared at Sirius bemusedly. 

“I’m not exactly privy to those details, chef.” He explained slowly as if Sirius were some fussy toddler. 

“I just find it hard to believe that the same woman who left the hospital after getting her shoulder reset to come work a full eight hour shift would call in sick.”

Jeffery offered him a shoulder shrug (and a concerned look up and down that Sirius pretended he didn’t notice) before pilfering one of the kitchen staff for the evening. 

Sirius would worry about hating Jeffery later; he was more focused on figuring out what the hell was wrong with you and why you weren’t coming to see him to work. 

Sirius had his phone wedged between the side of his face and his shoulder whilst he juggled the many go-bags he had in his hands as he stood awkwardly outside of the door to your flat.

He admittedly knew where you lived only because he had driven you home after numerous closing shifts.

Fortunately, the intercom system in the anteroom of your building gave away your unit number.

Unfortunately, Sirius still had his hands full with the various go-bags.

Fortunately, an elderly lady was coming in at the same time and let Sirius into the building. 

Unfortunately, she insisted on chatting his ear off the whole lift ride up and actually held the door open to continue conversing even after they had arrived at her floor.

Sirius’ saving grace came in the form of the lift alarm buzzing for having kept the door ajar too long, and she was forced to bid him farewell. 

Which brought him here; standing outside of your flat like some kind of stalker as he waited for you to pick up your phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey, open your door.”

“Well hello to you too, chef.” You snarked at him again. 

“Yes, yes. I said hey, didn’t I? Open your door.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m standing on the other side of it.” 

There was the sound of a quick exhale and rummaging. “Why?”

“Listen, I’d love to play 20 questions, but do you think you could let me in first?”

You muttered something that sounded an awful lot like a swear before the line ended.

He allowed his phone to slip out of its place and into his awaiting hand when you flung the door open unceremoniously.

Now, Sirius could tell you’d not been expecting any company today; you were in the same clothes you’d likely slept in, your hair was perfectly rumpled from whatever position Sirius had just disturbed you from, and you looked more than a tad embarrassed to see him standing here.

He had sort of hoped you would look like a troll; make this raging flame he carried for you burn a little softer.

But no.

You just had to look ethereal and perfect and lovely and kissable.

Damn woman. 

“What are you doing here?” You finally asked, interrupting the both of you from staring at one another. 

“Helping?”

You made a breathy W sound - as if you were going to ask “what” or “why” but the words died on your lips as you took in Sirius’ many bags. 

“What did you bring?”

“I’ll show you everything if you just let me in.” He muttered as he motioned towards one of your nosey neighbours who had shoved her head out of her door when she first heard Sirius in the hall.

You peered around your doorframe and narrowed your eyes at her before allowing Sirius entry. 

“Finally.” Sirius teased as he moved to place his bags on your kitchen island. 

Sirius had never seen the inside of your flat, but if he had simply stumbled into your space by accident he would have known it was yours immediately. 

There was something so intrinsically you about your space that Sirius immediately felt at home too, even just for having stepped inside. 

“Sorry.” You chuckled somewhat awkwardly; bringing one of your hands to the back of your neck as you considered Sirius and all of his bags. “We’d just been watching some shows.”

Sirius immediately felt his heart fall out of his arse.

We? 

Had he read this completely wrong? Were you seeing someone? Was your home not simply yours, but one that you shared?

He found himself suddenly feeling quite defensive over your flat; it was too lovely, too wonderful, too comfortable for simply just anyone to enjoy.

“We?” He asked suddenly; tone taking on a bit of an edge he didn’t intend or consent to.

You cocked an eyebrow at him and pointed behind you with your thumb; Sirius followed your gesture to a little tabby cat perched on the back of your sofa, tilting its head at the two of you as if it, too, was confused by Sirius’ sudden intonation. 

“You were watching shows with your cat?” He clarified; his voice now breathy in relief. 

“Birdie loves shows.” You countered defensively. 

“You named a cat bird?”

“No.” You argued. “I named my kitten Birdie. Do you not like cats?” You asked then, a teasing smirk growing on your face. 

“I like cats fine; where can I put this?” He asked instead; hoping to god you didn’t notice the blush heating up his face. 

He started unloading the many take-away boxes he’d prepared for you at the restaurant before skiving off the rest of his shift.

“What is this?”

“Food.”

“Sirius, why did you-”

“I asked what helped.” Sirius explained. “You said food; I brought food. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed yet dollface, but food is kind of my thing.”

“Smartass.”

“That too.” He replied with a wink, moving to put the desserts in your fridge. 

“Did you seriously come all the way over here just to bring me food?” You asked disbelievingly as you joined Sirius at the counter and peered into the bags.

Sirius had to tamp down the giddiness that threatened to consume him at how sweet and domestic this felt; you clad in your comfies as you helped him unload groceries. 

“I didn’t come all the way over here just to bring you food…I brought other stuff too.” 

“‘Course you did.” You muttered quietly, looking at Sirius with a look in your eyes that he couldn’t quite decipher.

“Go lay down.” He ordered instead as he went about plating your food - opening cabinets at random until he found what he was looking for. “I don’t hear laying down!” He sing-songed when he saw you still  standing in his periphery. 

You harrumphed before acquiescing; picking up your cat who made a little brrp sound as if to second Sirius’ directions. 

Finally content with his efforts, he moved to stand in front of you with a glass of water and some pasta he brought from work. 

You made an appreciative hum and sat up, which seemed to displease Birdie greatly. “God, maybe I need to find myself a personal chef.”

“Oi! Don’t go replacing me now.” Sirius scolded as he perched himself on your coffee table - perhaps a little casual for being a first time (uninvited) guest in someone’s home - but you didn’t seem to mind.

“Oh the job is so yours chef; you’re welcome here anytime.” You said around a mouthful of food. And even though Sirius knew you were joking, he couldn’t help the giddy fluttering of his heart at the sentiment. 

“This is really good, Sirius, and super thoughtful; thank you.” You offered earnestly. 

“So I guess you don’t have any room for dessert, then?” He asked teasingly; his taunting smirk melting away immediately at the excitement that took over your face before he ran to retrieve it for you. 

“Why is she doing that?” Sirius asked after a while, gesturing towards Birdie with his chin who was rubbing her head against the leg of his pants.

“Why’s she doing what?” You asked bemusedly as Sirius fought every urge to wipe the little bit of chocolate from your upper lip. Unfortunately thankfully for him, you licked it out of his sight. 

“Head butting me; seems quite rude.” Sirius murmured as he watched the cat in bemusement. 

“That’s basically a cat hug, Sirius; she’s hugging you, or saying hello.” You chuckled at him.

“Get out.” He scoffed in disbelief. 

“Cats have little scent markers in their cheeks; when they rub against something, they’re affectionately claiming it as their own.”

“So like a dog pissing on trees?” He deadpanned.

“Affectionately claiming you as their own; offer her your hand, Sirius.”

“But what if she-”

“Chef, offer her your hand.” You barked at him with no heat. 

Sirius narrowed his eyes challengingly at you but did as he was told; pleasantly surprised when the cat moved the rubbing from his trousers to his hand. 

“Have you never met a cat before?” You asked as you considered him.

“No…I have.” Sirius offered slowly, admittedly enjoying the velvety soft fur of your little companion. 

“Could’ve fooled me.” You teased as you placed your now empty dish on the side table. 

“My family had a cat growing up; a horrid thing. I swear to god my mum taught him how to attack me. Loved my brother though, but was nasty as all get out to anyone else.” 

“Really? Was he a stray before he lived with you?”

“Nope.” Sirius offered with a pop of the p. “Raised that fucker from kittenhood. Lived a god awful long time too, just to spite me; I wished every year on my birthday that it would die.”

“Sirius!”

“I’m not joking! My brother and I would sneak cupcakes up to my room and he’d light a candle for me and tell me to make a wish. One of them was always ‘please for the love of god let Kreacher die before me’.” He didn’t think now was the time to admit that his other wish was always ‘please for the love of god let us make it out of here alive’. 

“That’s awful; you’re awful.” You laughed. 

“No, Kreacher was awful; I was but a boy.”

“I can’t believe you got after me for naming my cat Birdie when you had a cat named Kreacher.” 

“I didn’t have a cat named Kreacher, my brother did.” He responded haughtily. 

“Who named him?”

“I did.”

“Why?” You laughed again. 

“‘Cause he was a tiny, awful, hateful little gremlin and needed a name that said as much!” 

The two of you laughed until your hands migrated to your abdomen and you began massaging into your skin; a small divot appearing between your brows.

“What is it?” Sirius asked quietly then.

You tried to shake your head and offered him a tight smile. “S’okay.”

“Is it cramps?”

“Yeah.”

“Lie back.” He instructed as he stood from his seat on the coffee table - his mother would be rolling in her grave if she’d seen him with such a lack of manners.

Good.  

“Sirius, really, you’ve-”

“Lie back.” He whispered again, one hand on your shoulder as he gently guided you so that you were lying along your sofa with your head propped up on the armrest.

Stealing himself for perhaps embarrassing himself completely and making this whole precarious situation between the two of you go tits up, he finally shucked off his jacket and boots before rolling up the sleeves of his shirt and lowering himself onto the bottom half of your couch.

You watched silently as Sirius situated himself between your legs so that his shoulders and head rested on your abdomen as he weaselled his arms under your back, placing both of his palms up against your lower back.

“Relax.”

“What?”

“You’re tense as shit, doll; relax.” He murmured as he rested his cheek against your stomach.

You let out a breath and sank further into the couch as the two of you fell into comfortable silence.

“Thank you.” You whispered after a few moments.

“You already thanked me.” He whispered back.

“No, I-” You cut yourself off as you gathered your thoughts; a tentative hand absentmindedly making itself at home in his hair as you found your words. “Thank you.” You settled on.

“You’re welcome.” Sirius offered.

“Where’d you learn this?”

Sirius propped his chin up so he could at you; your hand pausing as your eyes flit to it as if you were only now realising what you’d been doing. “Learn what?”

“The pressure? The body heat. The…helping, with cramps?” You asked tentatively, and if Sirius didn’t know better, he’d think you perhaps looked a touch bashful at your questions - your eyes seemingly incapable of meeting his. 

And once again, Sirius found himself taking another jump, or rather, a complete leap of faith that could very well have this thing the two of you had been building crumble and fall before it even had a chance to start.

“Uhm, it was my brother, actually.” He admitted quietly.

Your eyes did finally meet his at that, where they narrowed a touch in confusion.

“You learned this….from your brother?” 

Sirius nodded as he swallowed nervously. “Right. He uhm, well, it often helped him with his cramps and such, so…yeah.” 

It was apparently his turn to be incapable of meeting your eyes as he moved his head so that it was resting against your stomach again.

“You’re a good brother.” You finally offered.

“Well of course I am.” Sirius offered through a breath of relief. “I’m good at everything I do.” 

“You’re a git.”

“I’m good at that too.”

You gave a disciplinary tug at Sirius’ hair which made him think of several sinful things he’d like to be doing with you whilst you did that next time, but he simply chuckled and sank further into you.

“I didn’t exactly sit like this with him, mind you.”

“No? What does that make me, then?”

“Special.” 

“I guess so.” You breathed out through a chuckle. “Coming over on your day off just to spoil me.”

“It wasn’t my day off.” He responded without thinking, tensing when he felt you suck in a breath.

“Sirius.”

“Mhm?” He offered in faux nonchalance.

“You left work for this!?”

“For you?” He asked as he considered you. “Absolutely.”

“For gods sake, Sirius. I bet Jeffery-” 

But he never got to hear what you thought of Jeffery as he let out a very petulant and dramatic groan and lowered his forehead to your stomach. 

“Babe, I know this isn’t exactly the same thing, but generally a man does not want to hear the name of another bloke when he’s in between your legs, yeah?”

You barked out a laugh and swatted at his shoulder. “You’re awful.”

“Terrible.”

“The worst.”

“Absolutely horrid.”

“Giving Kreacher a run for his money.”

Sirius’ head shot up at that as he levelled you with a warning glare. “Too far.”

“I’m sorry.” You laughed, not sounding particularly sorry at all.

“You better be.” Sirius grumbled as he lowered himself back down. “Now be a doll and play with my hair again; it’s nap time.”

And there was an equal chance that you were going to laugh, swat at him, or downright tell him to get his arse back to work.

But Sirius was admittedly overjoyed when you simply placed your fingers back into his hair and began to massage until you fell asleep; him not much longer after you.

[euniexenoblade]

I debated if I wanted to mock this post/screenshot for a couple hours and i decided I was just gonna go in line by line and dissect it

"being poly is a choice you make. not an identity you cannot change."

I disagree. I struggled with this through most of my teens and early twenties. The desire to be with multiple people was strong and the concept that I couldn't be with all of them was very confusing and hurtful not just to me, but the people I was with. Had I been taught what polyamory is younger and had known that monogamy is not actually the only way you're allowed to be, i'd have probably been able to stop struggling with this much sooner. Do I think this was as big of a mental struggle as being gay or trans? Nah. But it was certainly an issue that ate away at me.

As much as polyamory was a choice, so was me being trans was a choice. I would say both are inherent to who I am. Just because something isn't inherent to your identity, doesn't mean it isn't inherent to mine.

The second paragraph is a gross misinterpretation of what was said. I said abused poly people in relationships they cannot escape will likely cheat when they do find love. The same is true for monogamous people who cannot escape relationships. This happens all the fucking time. To women. To gay people. To trans people. To poly people. This is so utterly common it's an overused trope in story telling.

"OBVIOUSLY abusive situations aside"

The post was about abusive situations. You're already throwing away the core concept to the post.

"why are you staying with someone you are completely incompatible with"

This shows how this person has no value for relationships. Just because you realize you're poly doesn't mean your feelings for an individual disappears. You want to see if this relationship can still work, whether monogamous or polyamorous. Not to mention so many people would find themselves homeless or penniless by just leaving. There's no actual understanding of love and relationships and the heart here.

"you don't need to pursue any kind of relationship ever"

And gay people don't have to be in gay relationships. Trans people don't have to transition. Doesn't change the longing to experience what you want to experience.

"where exclusivity is agreed upon"

I know poly people who entered relationships under the premise the other person was poly, just for that person to decide "actually I'm monogamous, and I'll kill myself if you leave me." You have no understanding or empathy.

"wanting to be poly does not excuse cheating what is wrong with you people"

Look I agree cheating sucks and violates trust, but acting like it's the worst thing in the history of ever is just childish. I get it hurts but at the end of the day, you do not own another person's body and sometimes shit happens. I just do not care what other people do with their own bodies and you cannot make me believe I'm supposed to care. If my husband goes and fucks someone without my permission (which he commonly does) then that's rad. I hope he has fun. If my wife goes and fucks someone I don't know (which she regularly does) then fuck yeah I hope they both had fun. Y'all are too fucking uptight.

Also the tags

The "monogamous people are losers and shouldn't get a say in anything" was something I said in reply to a heckler on my 'monogamous people often abuse poly partners' post. To take it solely as 100% serious opinion is foolish and childish.

"I cheated cuz waaa"

I've never cheated on any partner. The post isn't even saying it's ok cheat, it's saying that poly people get branded as cheaters whether they do or don't. But I'll say it here just because it's so controversial that it pisses losers off: it's ok for polyamorous people to cheat on monogamous partners. Get out before they abuse you.

[mr-ribbit]

this isn't meant to soften or reduce the objective transmisogyny + additional hate action going into this, but since the people running these harassment campaigns are acting like they're literal baby children who need their hands held to understand anything, maybe this needs to be said:

what you're doing and how you treat trans women on this website is fucking MEAN. if you want to sit there and honestly convince yourself that you're *not* a transmisogynist or a transphobe or a misogynist or any other type of bigot - like if you genuinely believe that and are confused why people are calling you these things - then maybe we need to start from little primary colored building blocks and tell you that you're being fucking mean and rude and actively harmful to real people who read the things you say. im not sure why we need to start off with "trans women have feelings" - just kidding I know exactly why we need to - but maybe you don't.

no matter who you're talking to, do you honestly think accusing someone you do not know of being a pedophile, en masse, behind their back /and/ in a public forum, is a reasonable way to treat someone for making a tumblr post about video games or political opinions? even if you strongly disagree with the post, you think someone deserves to be treated like that by people they don't know? take a second please and sincerely imagine how that would feel. wouldn't it be scary? wouldn't you wonder who the people were who thought this about you - if they're people you know - if they're just a few people that will continue saying mean things to you forever or if there are thousands of people who choose to dedicate their time and energy specifically to making you feel bad? if you accidentally write a post in the wrong tone or unknowingly interact with a shitty person, that there are uncountable people that will keep track of that just to hurt you later? that's fucking horrifying

and to zone in on what's specifically happening here: do you think randomly accusing people of being pedophiles or sexual abusers has no effect on them? like a lot of you tend to excuse yourself in these discussions by saying "I didn't actually see the context of what they were saying" or "I didn't see that they apologized already" or "I didn't actually understand the post was a joke" or whatever other kneejerk response to make sure *you* aren't seen as a bad person. do you realize that makes you look even meaner? you didn't bother to actually follow up on a thought you had about someone before sending them hateful messages or making public accusations about them? those actions are harmful whether or not you like the victim at the end of the day.

believe it or not some people you send this shit to are survivors of abuse themselves, or have their own historical personal reasons to be weighing in on a touchy subject. when you baselessly decide it's ok to call someone an abuser of any type, that person is probably *also* disgusted by whatever horrible shit you're accusing them of. as someone that hates these things as much as you do in order to attack someone for them: what do you think it's like to have complete strangers think that about you? how many eggshells would you walk on if random people thought so little of you that they were ok doing this?

it's mean. it's heinous, cruel bullying, and if you genuinely think you are not doing it from a place of transmisogyny or hatefuk bias over the victims' identity, then you need to understand that that's not an excuse. "i didn't even know she was trans" ok, it was still mean to call her a pedophile with 200 of your closest friends in public. "im trans so it can't be transphobia" ok it was still mean to assume someone was endorsing abuse when they were talking about being accused of abuse. "i didn't see the post where she said it was a joke" ok it was still mean to actively harass someone without bothering to look into the full context.

at the end of the day, yes, obviously I still think you're all transmisogynist assholes who are clearly willing to gang up on a woman who has nothing to do with your problems simply because she dared to speak on them. i think you're bigoted and unwilling to examine that if it means giving up your vitriol against someone who doesn't like your favorite video game or whatever excuse of the week. but like even if you were just doing it for love of the hate game, it's fucking weird heinous shit and i hope you're happy having that be a central part of your life

to be clear: im not transfemme and if I'm overstepping or talking over anyone please let me know. im not speaking for anyone's actual experiences except my own, which is the experience of being angry at how much literal bullying and harassment I see excused on this so-called progressive queer blogging website

[herbirdglitter]

I'm watching Midsomer Murders for the first time and the vibe of the queer representation is so confusing that it's amusing.

like I am four episodes in to this show, and this season aired in 1998, and there have been canonical queer characters in ever episode so far. Every one. in 1998. But they also fall into some interesting stereotypes. spoilers btw

we have one very creepy weird slimy dude, who has a weird relationship with his mother, he's gay.

Then we have a trans icon, or a gay person who liked doing drag, they just see women's clothing and jump to conclusions and then constantly call them by the wrong pronouns which, I mean it's the 90s. they're the victim, because we can't have nice things

then we have a nice couple, one of whom I took one look at and said "he's going to be gay because they've put him in a floral waistcoat" and I was right, because that's the type of show it is, and then his concerning partner, who was most likely bisexual, but they act like he just hasn't gotten over women yet or something, and of course he cheats

and then there's a lesbian couple. and to no one's surprise, they are the murderers. or both played a part in it anyway. but, there love is treated like it's very real, which is nice.

but the bit that's absolutely sending me is the different attitudes of Barnaby and Troy. The decision to make Barnaby, the older more experienced one perfectly ok with it all? spectacular. And the way he keeps sending Troy to talk to the queer people specifically because he knows it makes him uncomfortable??? unparalleled. Except when it really matters and he goes and talks to the one lesbian about the well being of her partner.

I am in love with this man. This show is so fun and now I have 24 seasons to watch. and it's still airing. Now I have something to fill the hole law and order left in my heart.

[smiley-positivity-potato]

i have something to say, for all young transmascs or newly transitioning transmascs: just know the "womanhood" you had to endure will be used against you EMOTIONALLY as a trans masc. And not in the way many have spoken about. when you speak up on the abuse, trauma or experiences you went through growing up, people will make excuses of having thought you were just an "emotional teen girl", despite you trying to explain it to them- as an adult trans man. you try to tell them you just wanted help and presently want people to recognize their wrongs. like how they taught you as a child.

but instead they'll make excuses on how they each don't know how to take accountability, for the past or present. they'll say how you seemed like "your mother" at that age, so they thought it was a phase. so now they don't even want to hear or learn how they hurt you. they don't even want to know how to get help or therapy to communicate with you better. AND THEY DONT EVEN WANNA HEAR THEIR OTHER OPTIONS EITHER. they feel like you should just "let it go" when you bring up how it has effected you as a trans man growing up NOW , they dismiss you or blame your behavior on YOU INSTEAD. the reactions of a child, are labelled as an inconvenience, that you should take accountability for when you held no power. they did. so now that they don't, they don't even want to TRY to understand you-

all in all: they will use your past unchosen childhood to label you as an emotional "woman" who is hanging onto the past. when that is not it. it is NOW the accountability of the PRESENT. you want PRESENT ACCOUNTABILITY AND APOLOGIES. YOU WANT ACTUAL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND GENUINE EMOTIONAL REFLECTION. and every person in this world deserves that. do not fall for this lack of effort and communication- do not endure it to feel loved as a transmasc. the fact that you are younger AND have tried your best to understand EVERYONE around you all your life is enough. the fact that they won't even try to do it on their own FOR FIVE GENUINE MINUTES, says enough.

saying they don't know how to NOT say awful things to you- is a lack of effort alone. if they can watch you try to get help to understand them for YEARS, they should AT LEAST TRY to find a professional or group or ANYONE to learn how to mend the relationship they damaged or broke with YOU, if they are able. they should NOT use your past or present emotions AGAINST YOU- indirectly defining you as just an "emotional, hormonal, traumatized woman". but they will try. do not let THEM gaslight you or trick you into thinking they can't at least put SOME effort into respecting you as a MAN with FEELINGS FROM THE TRAUMA THEY MAY HAVE DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY CAUSED. they can AND they should put effort into rebuilding what they destroyed. because let me tell you something i've learned:

"If you stepped into a puddle and forgot to wipe your feet before you entered a loved one's house; then the tracks you left are still your's. No matter where you go in the house they will always be yours- and it's up to you to not keep leaving them."

whether they meant to or not, they still left filth on your floors- and we all know who's tracks they are. we all saw it, but the question is: will they return and do it again, with cheeky pride and their head held up high, or will they clean up the floor apologetically, and reflect on every time they left tracks accidentally, or purposely, in your house. will they think about how YOU felt; how they put you into a position of having to speak up for yourself to keep your "house" clean and respected? will they acknowledge all the other times they wouldn't listen or will they dismiss them? as said by ALL my medical professionals, the LGBTQIA community AND my chosen family, you have a RIGHT to cut these people permanently out of your life, and out of your emotional "home".

and if the next time you see them is at their funeral, that's ok. because you have a right as a TRANS MASC HUMAN BEING to put your safety, sanity, well being, respect and emotions FIRST. you have a right to PROTECT yourself from that negativity and pain. do NOT sacrifice yourself to PROVE ANYTHING to ANYONE. do not overexert yourself trying to get them to understand you when all it does is cause you to breakdowns- AND it hurts.

you KNOW who you are. and that is ENOUGH. KNOW IT WILL ALWAYS BE ENOUGH. for you are a transmasc who has EMOTIONS, A PAST AND PRESENT, PAIN AND TRAUMA. You are a VALUED, LOVABLE PERSON AND YOU DESERVE TO FEEL RESPECTED AND SEEN IN THIS WORLD REGARDLESS OF WHAT ANY "LOVED" ONE SAYS- and if your "family/loved" ones have too much pride to acknowledge that- LEAVE.

[rodolfoparras]

OK imma be honest and little personal, before I knew a little bit more about the LGBT, I just didn't care I just knew they existed, now that im older and apart of it nothing changed ngl...just maybe a little rude with it. I'm like "Oh you're gay? Cool want a cookie?" Or "Oh, you think being gay is the devils or whoever you claim doing? Want a medal?". I don't mind having people like having something for them but a month? Sounds like robbery 2 me like, What about soldiers like I mean the good soldiers who actually fight for their people? I'm sorry, but if I could, I would make certain... things like these two have at least a week, but like I said, I don't mind it... I just find it... wrong in a way...like think about it...when something big happens in your life (if yall do it like me) we just celebrate it in like that first week, like what I mean is for the first few days it's all "WOOHOO THIS HAPPEND TOO YOU" then the rest of the week it's just "congrats". Like I remember a few years back, I'm not sure if it's still the same now. But soldiers die every day and stuff, and all they get is a day, and everyone like "poor soliders rest in peace" and then go on about their lives after a few bours or something . But the moment a Trans person got killed, suddenly everyone dropped everything and talked about it for weeks....trying not to sound harsh, but come on....

Sugar I think you have a lot of inner work to do

Pride month cannot be boiled down to a celebratory party of sexualities and genders

While yes a major part of pride month is to celebrate lgbtq people it’s also about remembering the journey as to how we got here, plenty of people literally laid their lives down so there could be a celebration in the first place sugar I don’t know if you know this but trans people would literally use bricks and drop it onto their genitals or their chest to get rid of those parts, a lot of trans people died of cancer and other terminal illnesses because it was considered shameful to treat an openly trans person no matter what severe condition they had it’s also to raise awareness of how lgbtq people of color made a lot of things possible for us, did you know that before colonization native people had woman man and then a third gender that didn’t fall in either category white, Christian cis people wiped that out because it was considered abnormal and now today we have a whole chunk of people who are seen as abnormal because that whole gender identity has been wiped out pride month is to also raise awareness to everyone who can’t live their lives like they want to. It’s like international women’s day just because women in Europe have it good doesn’t mean that it’s fine and dandy all around the world

The reason as to why people don’t care much for soldiers is that the only ones discussed are American ones- soldiers belonging to armys who have more or less started the war in different places. Never have I seen people discuss the 10.000 soldiers that died in the srebrenica genocide - soldiers- boys 18 year old boys 10.000 of them- that had to forcefully enlist in the army because their country was going through a genocide

And the reason as to why trans people get so much coverage once they get killed is the same reason as to why women get so much coverage when they get horrifically murdered by a man they’re oppressed, soldiers are not oppressed soldier more often than not are the oppressors.

With that being said I do hope you take time to actually do research on your history because the reason as to why you can be like “woo I’m gay ok let’s move on with my day” is because of thousands upon thousands upon thousands lgbtq ppl that made sacrifices for you those sacrifices didn’t happen that long ago

[viquipo]

No bc I'm so mad rn I usually post my rants on ig stories but I need the tumblrites to tell me if I'm crazy or what. Jwcc/ct spoilers WHATEVER

First of all I want to preface this by saying that this is just my opinion on the matter, I'm not saying your headcanons are "wrong" or whatever tf, it's a kids cartoon where they unironically use terms like "fam". You can play with the characters however you'd like.

That being said, this is why TO ME it does not makes sense for Ben to be anything other than gay. Again, if you think he's bi or straight or anything else that's cool. I'm also leaning towards the opinion that he does actually have a girlfriend. I don't think the shows gonna pull a 180 on it because, realistically, 2 queer characters is already a lot for a DreamWorks kids show. As much as I'd like it not to be.

But, since the beginning, Ben has been very clearly coded as exclusively into men to me. Before finally going into it, I remind everyone on here that I'm a lesbian. I have felt an affinity with his character specifically for the experience of only liking the same gender. I might be totally projecting.

Ok, so.

1. The arc Ben goes through during the show is yes, one of self discovery, but also one of self acceptance. He changes a lot from the start of s1, but he also comes to terms with stuff himself or other people didn't like about him. He doesn't throw the dork pouch away or tells Kenji to keep it, the first thing he does when he takes it back from Kenji is put on hand sanitizer. He is covered in dirt, he's not afraid of filth anymore, but he still does that action because it's part of who he is as a person. He also becomes very unashamed at the things he does. He went from being embarrassed of his carob bars to eating grubs in front of people who he knows think it's gross. He knows himself as he is and he accepts it. To me (and to lots of other people) this works very well as a gay metaphor, and pairs up pretty nicely with the whole "jungle boy? Jungle MAN" arc being a trans metaphor. But how does this make Ben uniquely into men?

Well, it doesn't. But I think this next one does.

2. Enter Yasmina. She's pretty, she's smart, athletic, funny, all that good stuff. I'm not saying that means every wlm character should automatically be into her, but it certainly helps. Now forgive me if I don't remember specific episodes/seasons, but we all remember that episode where Ben convinces himself that Yaz is in love with him for some reason. When he "rejects" her, he says : "I'm just now starting to find myself". That's cool, cause I'm pretty sure Ben's " finding himself " personality wise was over and done a couple of seasons ago. To me, that is a really good hint at him dealing with his gayness.

3. He's also the first person Yasmina talks to about her feelings for Sammy. Now, in this particular context, the options for Yaz to talk to were Darius, Brooklynn, or Ben. It would initially seem to make more sense for her to confide in Brooklynn, since the two of them are far closer than her and Ben, and it also wouldn't be the first time she brings up Sammy as a romantic interest for Yaz (see: everyone tweaking abt that one line back in like s2). So why does Yasmina, a very private and reserved person, choose Ben to talk to about her same sex crush? She has probably gathered from the previous conversation that Ben relates to her struggle in a unique way in which Brooklynn just can't. Ben seems very receptive of what Yaz is saying ("feelings, am I right?") and it seems like he REALLY gets where she's coming from.

4. This is one I don't see talked about a lot, and maybe it's just cause I'm too out of the loop with the fandom, but I want to examine it as well. It's when Ben decides to not actually stay on the island. Everyone (except Sammy) already knew he wasn't going to stay in the end, but still didn't force him out. I think this is especially clear in a line Darius says when they reunite on the boat that goes something like "you needed to figure it out on your own" *smile hand on shoulder combo*. No explanation needed I think

I am diagnosed with autism did you guys know what

[genderkoolaid]

i wish i could send screenshots but i blocked everyone involved to get rhe stupid post off my dash but i saw a post that was like "hey its ok for trans women to just look like men" and then in the comments was some transandrophobe being like "yeah trans men get such a pass to look however they want even if they cant be bothered to bind ppl treat them like men all the time but trans women will get killed if we arent dressed to the nines" and someone was like hey this is wrong? and then even when OP finally stepped into say it was wrong for the one commenter to put down trans men she STILL SAID that the trans guy defending himself in the comments was in the wrong for "making it about trans men" when he was literally just trying to defend us. it made me so mad. "cant be bothered to bind" has been like a ping pong ball stuck in my head all night because of that post. cant be fucking bothered to bind like im just being too lazy abt it and not like fat or disabled or too poor to afford a quality binder lmao cant be bothered. good fucking grief.

Yeah jfc

Again like I have no doubt a lot of times this comes from real frustration and hurt but like good God. these people really have so much ingrained hatred for trans men they refuse to recognize. like not only is "can't be bothered to bind" so fucking insensitive. but also the idea that trans men who look like cis women are treated like cis men????

like not saying said person is aligned with baeddel beliefs but i was checking out @baeddel-txt a day ago and it just reminds me of how folks who follow that ideology truly concocted this fantasy world where cis society kisses the ground trans men walk on and trans men are "male classed" by virtue of identifying as men. like so extremely dissociated from the lived experiences of non passing trans men. people will jump through every hoop in the circus to avoid saying that trans men just might experience misogyny on occasion

[contradictory-label-culture-is]

Contradictory label culture is merely existing in a way that isn't conventional enough to have been considered by coiners.

Multigender people especially are affected (like me I'm multigender.) How can you be nonbinary and a girl? I'm multigender, they are my genders. How can you be midbinary, binary, and abinary? I'm multigender, which label I use depends on if I'm talking about myself collectively or just one of my genders. How can you be cisgender and isogender? Because my aporinity is not cis but is distinctly transn't. But I still relate to cisness because of my being a girl. How can you be enbian and a woman? I'M MULTIGENDER!

It's sad that multigender people basically can't win with sexuality labels, like seriously, I think it needs more rep in media because of it! And someone who ..I don't think was exactly multigender? I think genderqueer? They said something SO simple (no offense) it was being sapphic and Achillean, but it was on tiktok so you know even simple "contradictory" labels are weird to them (there were good comments, btw) but still, someone genuinely thought "sapphic = lesbian, Achillean = gay" I'm sorry WHAT

That's the whole reason for the term sapphic and Achillean!! It's so that multisexual people feel included in wlw or MLM without people saying "lesbian relationship" while one of them is literally bisexual or pan or omni etc!! HOW did they think sapphic was lesbian??

Of course, (TikTok wouldn't like this) but people can be gay and a lesbian (Gaybian) BUT even if you couldn't, you can be wlw and MLM!! It's SO simple and I can't people TikTok was rotting people's brains this much.

And again, it's like multigender people can't live with a sexuality!! I'm gonna go over a few.

3: "erm abrosexual!!" No?? Did they say it was fluid, my guy?? No?? Not every multigender person is genderfluid and not every genderfluid person's sexuality is fluid!!

2: "Gynesexual!!" Yeah you would want someone to just use a term that's basically woman romantic, right? No offense to people who are Gynesexual, but there is absolutely no rep for it anyway, and guess what? Lots of people feel connected to the lesbian label. (Believe it or not, someone pulled out Gynesexual and abrosexual when debating me on my sexuality. Not this next one tho)

1 (absolutely number one goes toooooooo): "that's just STRAIGHT!!" Boom we have a winner!!! 🏆 Of being the dumbest exclusivist! Maybe this should go on r/one joke or r/one comeback!!! Am I right?? Here's several reasons why they wouldn't be straight.

First off, actually tell me how you think a woman loving woman is straight. "Well it cancels out cause you're a man too!!" No it doesn't. That's just multigender transphobia, or @transmultiphobia-discussion (hehe had to tag them, sorryyyy) trans multiphobia! But actually thinking that it's crazy a woman would call herself a lesbian cause she likes women is CRAZY (reminder! Multigender CAN be straight, I'm just pointing out the logic)

And again, it's like double the gayness if they also like men! It's wlw and MLM! That's SO gay! So how the hell is it wrong if they're gay?? And it's like hell ok earth if a monosexual multigender even breathes, like GOD.

I just wonder what they'd say if a multigender person said they're straight so uh... If you want to rant about someone who hates multigender lesbians/gays that also hated straight multigender people... Tell me!

[velvetvexations]

It is so unbelievable how many fucking anti transmasc losers there are!! It's unbelievable, it really is just like ace discourse. Every fucking blog, I have to search 'transmasc' and 'TME' just like I had to search 'ace' and 'asexual' back in the day People will JUMP at the chance to do this shit over again huh

You should read up on the Cultural Revolution because it just keeps happening.

Ok not to double send but...

Blogs like yours do WONDERS for my mental health. Knowing there are actually people in my corner while I realise I'm a trans man is phenomenal

I'm glad to help! <3

my passing status is nebulous. sometimes i pass, but mostly i dont. im a trans guy with a thing for crossdressing so sometimes i have actual, legitimate euphoria vibes over just... sitting in my car and looking feminine. like "you all think im a girl but SECRETLY IM A BOY!!!" and it feels really good because like. yeah. i can look like a girl but nothing will change that i am a boy 😊😊 trans guy crossdresser again, my passing status is also really weird because i am intersex. my mustache confuses people, and that's great

That's similar to how I feel. People think I'm misgendering myself when I call myself male but it's more like I'm asserting dominance over gendered expectations lol. I'm male and I'm still a woman anyway.

thank you for your blog. a musician i really respected went super anti-transmasc recently and its really hurt, and the stuff here makes me feel like. less insane for having an issue with it

I'm really, really sorry anon. I love you a lot. <3

love that this person is calling people who believe that trans men can be oppressed "chuds", a word that is mostly used to talk about right-wing conservative men

transandro reactionaries dontcha know

"internet tough guys" still exist in 2024?????????????

Someone said something like "no one wants to fight you" and I was thinking "no actually I'm dead serious I would actually."

anyone who tries to debunk transandrophobia by throwing in "you people" has automatically lost the argument imo. but also I need to rant. as That Guy in your inbox who hangs out in bear and leather bars it makes me genuinely want to chew through the floor when people are like "oh well queer people don't demonize masculinity" GO OUTSIDE. YES THEY DO. there is a REASON fat hairy balding men tend to have our own damn spaces, because no one else will take us. FUCK.

if people want to insist that everyone around them has always recognized their soul-gender and no one is ever treated like anything but what they identify as maybe they should stop talking about what genders that aren't theirs experience

I'm a bisexual trans man who does not pass and never will pass and I have spent over 30 years of my life being told my experiences aren't real mostly by other queer people and I am so, so, so, so, SO jaded by it. I'm done. If you tell me "your lived experiences are not a real thing" then you're the villain. I can't stand it. I genuinely cannot take it anymore. I have absolutely nowhere to go and I feel so unbelievably hopeless.

Try to hang in there anon. It's okay to disengage and avoid discourse. I know it's not always possible, but there's nothing wrong with unplugging from this shit as much as you can. You have to focus on your happiness.

I love you. <3

[rott1ngbra1n]

First off! I wanna go ahead and drop some fun art stuff I’ve been doing as I’ve been watching Dragons Rising season 2, which I’ve been loving!

I did a version of Arin before but it wasn’t my favorite so a redo! More AlleyCat stuff and obligatory Cole, because I love him.

I do have more Ninjago Art I want to do (Still need to finish that Cole and Morro friend piece-) and I have some other fandom art I also want to do, but I’ll explain more under the cut as well as why I’ve been gone or a bit less active everywhere. This is optional you do not have to read under the cut!

TW// Transphobia

For those unaware I am a trans man, I go by a different name: both online and IRL (online for privacy’s sake), I also work as a barista due to being a college student and needing to save money for moving away from my own transphobic parents. That’s a whole other story. But at work there was a coworker of mine who was consistently transphobic towards me whenever we worked together. It had been going on since June of last year (The irony of it starting during pride month made me and my friends laugh) but it escalated after I returned from New York, so much so I had to go to management.

Myself. Management had been informed by my best friend (who also works with me) about it and was told it was “gossip”. Ok. Sure- So I informed management of the new incidents and was told I had options, the first being to have a meeting with me, the transphobe, and my manager to discuss the issues. I said no so my manager went to the DM to find another solution. To give even more context, the transphobe couldn’t even be transphobic to my face most times it was always told behind my back to my best friend.

That’s how I knew my manager talked to the transphobe one on one, cause the transphobe right after the meeting went to said best friend. Telling her “not to tell me as she didn’t want to start drama” Cool, I feel so cool. I was very mad, went back to my manager with it, had that meeting with myself, the transphobe, and manager. Where my emotions were downplayed and the transphobe said she had “never interacted with a trans person before and didn’t know what she said was wrong.” OK.

SURE.

After that we assumed it was over, my manager made an incident report, but it didn’t stop the transphobe still kept talking behind my back to others. Despite me talking respectfully of her. More context all the talking behind my back happened at work while on the clock. After a while I just went about my day, then Ethics and Compliance called. They spoke to everyone involved, including me and I relayed more about my testimony. They said they would be investigating and I assumed it would take a while, then finally. I was informed that the transphobe was in fact fired.

This whole situation, along with other personal stuff going on with me, caused so much stress. To the point I tended to fallback into habits I had thought I fixed, mainly regarding my physical health. Even at points hating myself for just existing and having been born wrong.

I’m thankfully doing so much better now and have recently gotten diagnosed with Autism, something I knew I had but didn’t fully understand for a while. I’ve been getting better existing in a world knowing the people that are my blood hate me, knowing that eventually, I will never be able to be loved by my parents or sister. I have friends and coworkers who support me and I want to support other people in this community.

With that said I’m back to making more art! I’m building a portfolio for animation and to intern next year, I also will be trying to post more animations to here when I finish them! I also will still be active in the Ninjago fandom, I’ve loved this show since it came out in 2011 y’all can pry it from my cold dead hands-

But I do want to make more original work, I want to do more Star Wars work, QSMP art and animations, and more Musical Theater art whether it be Broadway or Indie productions. I hope people enjoy what I make, especially some of my original characters as I’ve gotten to work on Cybernetic more thanks to my animation class. You’ll see more of it as we go!

Thank you if you’ve read this and thank you for supporting me!

[roadhogsbigbelly]

ok i didn't really want to do this because i deleted the original posts when it had only 70 notes because i was under the assumption noone would see it but t/xttletale ended up reblogging it anyway and now i have people telling me to kill myself in my inbox so i guess i might as well give details

honestly did not know she was trans until people accused me of pedojacking her, for some reason it never registered because i guess i only see her blog when her posts pop up on my feed but you know my bad i guess

2)yes it's true the term "loliporn" never shows up but someone does say "don't say you're pro-kink and nasty gay sex if you're not supportive of ageplay, cnc, or incest shipping" and than she said "yes, and" which like. seems slightly like an endorsement? but i assume that loliporn was just kind of included with the package, because i do have evidence that toonimal would not be against that

3) i never directly called her a pedophile just that it's really fucking bizzare to have that hot take about "wholesome games" when you agreed with a take that said not liking incest porn or ageplay is "anti-kink or whatever

now did initially censor the names in the post because of reasons i'll explain later but i did realize with no context it looks like both posts were from the same person so i did end up mentioning in the tags that there were two different people before later deleting it all together. but i honestly don't feel THAT bad attributing it to her because she did both reblog the post and than also add on to it, which kind of negates the possibility she didn't fully read the post? still i did censor it again for reasons i'll explain later.

4) i kind of went out of my way to not attribute anything to her. when i talked about her weird stardew valley take i still censored them, because after being told to kill myself for having a lukewarm hot take on sex work last year i usually always censor posts when criticizng/making fun of them. i'm honestly surprised she managed to find it because i deleted it when it only had like 60 notes, and the only reason i found out she found it is because one of her followers sent be an ask telling me to kill myself. and out of curiousity i checked her blog.

i deleted this post before i post this just so her follower doesn't get harassed or whatever. but you know. not fun.

and 5) while i insist i didn't directly accuse her of being a pedophile i DID in fact accuse the person she was agreeing with of being a pedohpile. cause they are.

i'm not going to post the entire callout post cause it's honestly really fucking gross but tldr they run a "contact positive paraphilia forum" which is a basicly code for "actually fucking pedophiles" which kind of recontextualizes they entire post right? that's also why i went out of my way to censor txttletale's name and than later specify there were two different people before deleting it. because i assumed she didn't know the person she was agreeing with was an actual pedophile, but accidently agreeing with a pedophile is uh. not good. i think, someone actually informed her that toonimals was a pedophilia and she said this.

now i'm not saying you have to do a background check on every person you reblog from but if that post talks about "how pro-sex freak people need to be more supportive of people who are into incest" than actually yeah you do sort of have an obligation to make sure they aren't an actual fucking pedophile. the entire basis of that post is "people should stop being mean to actual sex freaks" and you not only reblog it but add onto that yeah that's a fucking issue because 99 percent of time the people who make those posts ARE actual fucking pedophiles, so yeah you probably should be a bit wary. because like.

this is my issue, i don't think you're a pedophile because you don't think there's anything wrong with fiction/sex acts that depict immoral things, my issue is that that logic is used and agreed upon by actual pedophiles. pedophiles are agreeing with you! that's not great! there's my issue with your logic!

[stilljuststardust]

I’m a 15 years old girl and my parents are very homophobic

Today my mom made me sat down because she thinks that I wanna turn into a boy and she told me for my old sis to also come downstairs to talk about it cause they found it weird mind you they’re very religious

After my big sis came downstairs my mom started talking about how I act like a boy when I’m a girl also that God made me a girl so why would I try to change into a girl and also said that if I keep acting like this she would take all my electronics

And send me somewhere else where I won’t see her and my siblings ever again

I’m crying so much because I did everything to change myself to become normal like others straight but nothing works and I found out that I want to be a boy I tried everything like manifesting being a man nothing it working and circumstances keeps getting worse and worse till the point it making me depressed like maybe I’m stuck this way maybe I will never be a man

I’m so scared cause she said if I don’t change I will not have access to phone I’m having a bad breakdown rn idk what to do anymore I’m so lost

But part of me still believes I’m a man no matter what

Hello, before I give you LOA advice let's talk

You ARE a man. You are a man. You are a man.

You are a man no matter what.

You don't have to do anything to be a man. It's who you are deep down in the pit of your soul. You already are a man.

Not just in an LOA sense, I'm saying this from a non-manifesting perspective: you are not a girl.

You will never be a girl, you never were. Do you understand that? Who you are as a person is a man.

I'm like you.

It's ok to be a trans. Being trans is normal. Half my friends are trans, I'm trans. You aren't alone, you aren't the only one. There is nothing wrong with you.

Firstly I would like to say, always always always prioritize your safety and well-being.

I know it's easier said than done but the closet exists for a reason. It keeps us safe. Do not come out if it would put you in danger. You do not have to be out to be valid.

I hate that my advice is to fawn and pretend to be something you're not, but its safest sometimes.

It feels so far away now, but there will be a time when you are free to be who you are. You will find people who support you. You will find people who are like you. When I was in your place 18 felt so far away and unreachable, but it's not. Freedom will come. Please hold on.

Link to The Trevor project. (Councilors and hotline for queer people who are struggling mentally)

Loa

At the end there will be a handful of LOA posts I think you should read/you might be interested in + subliminals for you. The most important one in my opinion being the one I list first.

The law gets over complicated alot. At the end of the day it boils down to this.

An assumption, though false, if persisted in will harden into fact.

An assumption being something you accept as the truth without needing evidence and persistence meaning you assume regardless of what the 3D shows you.

Essentially, you decide you have your desire and you are stubborn in that decision.

It's ok to feel intense emotions, it's ok to be scared and hurt and frustrated, you just have to assume that no matter what the physical world shows you you are undeniably biologically male.

There is no more advice to give, there is only the law. Assume, affirm, persist.

The posts

How I manifested my dream life with extremely hard circumstances (blushydior)

If it's too long a read (seriously I think you should read the whole thing either way) here's the parts I thought would benefit you the most

What you need to know about loa

How to ignore the 3D

Nothing is true until you decide it is

It's ok to feel like shit

Loa checklist

Subliminals and affirmation tapes

Revise past negative events

Desired body

Mind over matter

It's done

Your desire is a fact

I keep getting results

If you need motivation

@loasuccessarchive

[bullshit-tqia]

The other day I made a few posts about the post-hoc fallacy.

For example, it is odd to say an intersex person was oppressed for being intersex prior to anyone knowing they were intersex. How can they be perceived differently for being intersex if nobody saw them as intersex? Is being intersex some magical force that forces people to think of intersex people differently? Can we smell intersex? How do we “pick up on” someone being intersex? Why can we “just tell” if there are no clues? Why would they subconsciously know but not consciously know? If interphobia presented itself as people being horrified of intersex people and wanting to run away…why would they subconsciously be terrified? Wouldn’t it make the most sense if that subconscious feeling became conscious so someone could avoid danger?

Well…obviously what I said is true. Because being intersex isn’t a deterministic force that guides who how you’re treated even outside of people knowing you are intersex. So obviously, interphobia comes from what is done in the past, the “correction” of genitalia done on infants without the consent of the child. But that ultimately led me down into a rabbit hole of other thoughts.

Both infants and teenagers are children, they’re at different stages. Why can a trans toddler consent to social transitioning but an intersex infant can’t consent to a “corrective” surgery? Both are to “fix” something, right? For the trans toddler it’s to fix gender dysphoria. So…if it’s wrong for a toddler to consent socially…how come it is ok for that toddler to be put on puberty blockers when they’re a child, at 5 years old? It’s to fix dysphoria…right? Or at least give the child some time to think it over to see if they actually have dysphoria or not…

…Despite that puberty blockers are only given to children who are diagnosed as gender dysphoric…

They are already diagnosed, it’s determined that they need “fixing.” That’s why for all the “trans kids” who are put on puberty blockers, they are put on hormones and given surgery later. Their identity has already been determined. They are already on the path. The decision has already been made for them. The same way the infant is “fixed” for being intersex, the child is “fixed” for being gender dysphoric.

So that got me to thinking…in the same way that corrective surgery is wrong for intersex infants, then surely puberty blockers is wrong for gender dysphoric children, right? It should be up to the intersex adult or the dysphoric adults to decide whether to get surgery.

But why should there be a notion in getting it fixed in the first place?

Why is the automatic solution to give cross-sex hormones and surgery? Why was hormones the first option given to gender dysphoric individuals in 1930? Why was “corrective” surgery the first option when being faced with the existence of intersex children? Was it to prevent insecurity? Societal mistreatment?

Then from here the puzzle pieces clicked together.

It’s the exact same logic.

You must be “fixed” because accepting being “wrong” is bad.

You must be “fixed” because it is better for all of us to see you as the same from the outside while you still struggle on the inside.

No matter what, your chromosomes will not flip from XX to XY no matter what surgery you have. Your brain will not forget this. You cannot forget the memories of your past. And this constant reminder that you have so and so chromosomes will always give you dysphoria. Your own memories will give you dysphoria.

Why do they act like you’ll just forget you were born with XX/XY chromosomes?

Why do they act like you’ll just forget your secret?

There is no point in trying to run from the reality of your sex. Your past can’t be changed.

You cannot get rid of it. It will always be there. You can only look at the faux organs that have been created. You can only accept being trans.

But why can’t you accept your birth sex?

Why do any of it when you can just learn to accept your sex?

Why was anyone acting as if transition is the absolute only way to do anything??? Wouldn’t the suicide rate be 100% if that was the case???

They advertised and sold transgenderism to me, and I spent thousands of dollars on it.

When I realized this, I spent the whole day and the next, crying. I still knew my chromosomes and I still knew my past.

I never once considered gender dysphoria could be fixed any other way. I never once considered that all of it was a post-hoc fallacy.

How can I say that me hating wearing a dress was gender dysphoria before I even knew that someone can change their gender, or even before there was a substantial difference between boys and girls? I wasn’t raised by parents who strictly adhered to gender roles.

Why did I automatically assume that my discomfort with puberty and growing breasts was gender dysphoria? Is it literally impossible for it to have been me just being a child who was overwhelmed and uncomfortable with the fact that my body was changing?

I kept asking why again and again, asking questions on whether my transition was just me also trying to escape my disabilities too.

I can say it was because of gender dysphoria but there is no way to definitively prove it, so there’s no point in believing such things in full confidence. Maybe it was gender dysphoria, or maybe it was me being insecure.

I hated being trans, I hated it because I felt so lonely. Whenever I went outside I felt publicly humiliated and alone. I was just waiting for me to “blossom” into something greater. But even during the process of “blossoming” I still knew the reality of my chromosomes and my past. I was just trying to ignore it. But you can’t.

I stopped taking testosterone. It’s day 4 of my detransition. I’ve realized all of it is bullshit.

Transitioning felt like it was the only way to happiness because I wasn’t aware of any alternatives. But there are alternative paths.

So in reality, being transgender is quite literally a choice.

But why choose to make your life harder for yourself on purpose? Only for a wish? What’s the point?

I couldn’t defend my original arguments for transitioning. So I’ve dumped it entirely. I was born a girl and I am now a woman.

It is strange because I haven’t identified as a woman since I was 13. Almost a decade ago. It’s almost like a birthday. One second ago you were 20, now you’re 21, and you don’t feel a difference. It’s just that now you can go buy alcohol.

Now I can love more people and have an easier life.

[alex51324]

Dear it/its users

OK, so this is a speech I've been working on ever since my sister told me that my two nonbinary niblings had added it/its to their list of pronouns. So far, they haven't indicated that those are their first-choice pronouns, so we've kind of been skirting the issue, but I've been getting this ready, because I love them and want to try to help them avoid long-term unintended consequences as they enter the adult world. Now I'm sharing it with you, because doing so is as nice as I know how to be.

First: If I, as a queer elder and active Tumblr user, have the initial reaction of, "Fuck, these little shits are going to get somebody fired with their 5-edgy-4-U bullshit," that is super-important context for you to know in considering taking this choice out into the larger world.

Now, I have made the effort of educating myself, and I understand that many people who make this choice have substantive reasons that go beyond edgy teen bullshit. However, you have to allow for the fact that the majority of people will not move past their first impression regarding this choice.

Being gender-nonconforming is already a strike against you in a lot of contexts--even in reasonably liberal settings, unconscious bias is a thing. Is being it/its important enough to you to add another strike against yourself?

Second: People are going to be uncomfortable calling you "it," even if you've thoroughly explained why you want them to.

This is different from people not wanting to call you by your chosen name, or wanting to call your by the pronouns for your gender assigned at birth, because these people will be coming from a place of wanting to respect you.

Yes, you can argue with them that calling you as you want to be called is the most respectful option, but they will still be uncomfortable. You can't reason them out of feeling uncomfortable, because they didn't reason themselves into it. It's a feeling. They may get over it in time.

But.

If those people do not already have some prexisting love, loyalty, or commitment toward you, that motivates them to sit with that discomfort and work through it, the easiest way out will be to simply decide that--for some totally unrelated reason, that their conscious mind will be fully convinced is true--you and they just didn't click! You don't seem like a good fit for the job, team, walking tour of the Lake District, whatever it is.

Because people don't like being uncomfortable, and if mentioning your existence puts them in an ethical dilemma, a lot of them will just nope right out of it.

And again, these will be people who are motivated in part by their desire to respect you and your autonomy. They will feel, consciously or not, that you have put them in a shitty position where no matter what they say, they'll feel like they're doing something wrong--

And they, dear nibling, will feel that way because you have. You didn't intend to, but you did.

I love you, and if that is your choice I will get used to it, but I am writing this in the second person for a reason.

Story time: I was trans/nonbinary in nine-teen-fucking-ninety-six. The LGB* organization on my college campus didn't know what the fuck to do with me. When I said in "let's go around the room and introduce yourself" time on the first day of class, that despite what the roster said, I was actually a boy called Alex, people got nervous and looked away, and kind of avoided talking about me for the rest of the semester.

(*By the time I left, it was the LGBT organization.)

And then when I was ready to go to grad school, I had professors tell me that they weren't sure how to write me a letter of recommendation, because they knew I didn't want to be called "she," but if they put "he," the recipient might be confused, and if they put "they" they'd look bad because we were in the English department and "they" is plural.

When I got to grad school, I kept "Alex," but skipped saying anything about my gender identity. It didn't help all that much. I got along well enough with my classmates, but all of the professors seemed to be waiting for me to cause trouble, and as a teaching assistant my student evaluation comments made frequent reference to my gender presentation and how they found my name "confusing." (Another grad student, whose name was James or something like that, went by Kip, and nobody gave him shit about it.) I got an anonymous rape threat in my campus email about my "indoctrinating students with my radical agenda," and the campus cop who responded to the complaint said maybe I should, "Tone it down a bit." (Tone what down? I was dressing and acting pretty much the same as the male half of my class cohort.) I ended up dropping out after the Masters, even though the plan all along had been to do the PhD and have an academic career.

Throughout all this, I was a bit more oblivious than I should have been about the underlying pattern behind all this--blame the autism, I guess.

I don't know, if I'd realized it all, whether i would have made different choices regarding my identity and presentation--since my choices were pretty much limited to "present as my gender assigned at birth, or suffer the consequences."

You, today, nibling, in 2024, have the option of being a "they/them," and if you choose your company right, it won't be a big deal--it'll close some doors, but mainly ones you don't want to go through anyway.

Or you can be an it/its, and watch doors slam in your face.

I will love you and support you either way, dear nibling, but I can't make the world love you.

I--we, my generation--changed the world enough that there's a space in it for people like us. I hope you make that space bigger, better, and brighter, but it hurts to think about you dragging yourself through the same shit we went through. We built a path behind us, so you wouldn't have to.

(P.S., For the love of god, please don't get a nonbinary gender marker on your driver's license; the last thing we need is you getting shot at a routine traffic stop.)