#ok so i may have been lurking on that hell site

[katyastrix]

and what if I say that a lot of people on t&k twitter are actually closeted trixya truthers

[prime89]

PSA: Etiquette and NSFW

This is a post about general interactions in DM's and followers. Common sense is just to be polite, but your milage may vary about what you consider ok and what is not. This post will mostly be about my own opinions for those who DM me, like, follow, or want to interact with me. This may get a little long winded, but the TL;DR is that as long as you aren't LGBTQ+ phobic, racist, or rude, we should get along fine. Don't be an asshole.

So you are a new blog, or have been on Tumblr for a while. You come across my page, you like it, and decide to follow it. Cool. The Tumblr app states that you should be +18 to be on the site, but my page is pretty PG-13 anyways, just in case. I get the notification, and I am going to want to know who is following me. This leads me back to your page. I will scroll down it, and if I like what I see, then I will follow back. And now we are mutuals. This may result in a varying amount of likes/reblogs from me. I don't tend to schedule or stagger, so you may get a lot if I deep dive your page. If this is a problem, just let me know. My page tends to be kinda random, but it is LGBTQ+ friendly and open to generally everyone. I tend to only go out of my way to block and report bots. I identify any page that follows me, but has no posts, likes, or reblogs as a bot, so if you are new, please post something so that I know that you are a person.

Since I am open to most people, this includes NSFW pages as well, but I might interact a bit differently. You get the same general vetting, but I am likely not going to reblog.... at least on this page. I have a sideblog devoted to NSFW. If you know, you know. Even then, since I don't want it getting nuked, the content I reblog will be rather tame, even though I may "like" quite a bit of the spicier content. It sucks, but I won't reblog nude genitals, real or imaginary even on that page. Trust me, I miss the days of "Go nuts, show nuts" too.

Now here is the crux if you've had the patience to read this far. You decide that rather than passively lurking and occasionally reblogging, you want to talk to me. Not sure why, but that's your right. If you are an NSFW page or want to have that kind of discussion, please start off normal and polite. And whatever you do, NEVER start with "Hello slave". This will make me ignore you completely. Why? 1.) Rude. You don't know me like that. 2.) I am Black. I have no positive connotations with the idea of slavery. Even knowing that it has no inherent racial theme behind it, it sits badly with me and it ain't my kink. BDSM stuff is cool, but I am not your property. If you are a SW who is reaching out, get that money, but unfortunately I can't help you. I don't have the cash to indulge in it, but I completely respect the hustle. Hell, I have very particular feelings about how it should be treated, but if you ask me about it, you would end up with a manifesto. I just don't want to waste your time. Other than that, I am not really looking for direct sex, but if you want to just talk about kinks, fantasies, or just chat, I am open to that. Just start off nicely, and let it come naturally. I am honestly curious about a lot of perspectives, including kinks and fetishes, so as long as they aren't... violent, harmful, or downright unsanitary, I am open to learn about or discuss it.

That said, I hope to get along with everyone. Be kind, and lets get along.

[justamessedupdisneyprincess]

Ok so, I need to reflect for a bit. This is like a vent sort of thing.

So Onward isn’t my only hyper fixation where I create content for, there is another that I have put to the side for quite some time. A part of me is scared to create and post for it again though because there is a connection between it and the fandom that nearly destroyed me, to put it simply let’s say they had similar genres, so a lot of the fans liked both of these things and I was one of them.

So as I browse my other hyper fixation which wasn’t killed off by endless harassment, I may see stuff from the evil fandom saying “related posts” or “you might like”. Haven’t seen anything malicious yet. But I want to stay as far from that evil fandom as humanly possible. It’s why I put my other hyper fixation aside, that and I wanted time to focus on Onward.

But here’s the thing…have any of you ever loved something so much? To the point you talk about it constantly and make a self insert and wish to be close friends with fictional characters��only for it to turn into pure and utter hatred and those familiar characters you see are suddenly enemies? Like the sight of it makes me sick now, hence why I had to get rid of my thousands of dollars worth of merch for it. Yeah. It was that bad.

Now I will just mention I will be mentioning things like s*icide attempts, self harm, ab*se and death thr*ats.

While I hate it now and it makes me sick, at times I may capture a glimpse of it and also feel a strange sense of empowerment. Most of the time I don’t, more often than not all these traumatic memories rush back and I start to question if I deserve to die painfully and rot in hell like they ALL say. But on rare occasions I feel that familiar sense of disgust and that sickening feeling in my stomach but then a question pops in my head.

“How the F*CK did I survive that?!”

I came so close. I tried to take my life on multiple occasions ALL because of THAT fandom. I used to cut myself at least once a week. Hell, the harassment got so bad to the point people openly mocked me and called me names in a discord server I was in and I had a huge meltdown to the point I posted footage of me hurting myself and screaming “YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANT!”. I had been in an incredibly toxic and abusive relationship where I was mind controlled and abused emotionally in ways I will not get into as I fear of them still lurking out there somewhere and coming for me if I utter a word about it. The falling out was violent as well and they did disgusting things to get revenge on me for leaving. Something I could never forgive them for. I had people who wanted to be my friend before suddenly blocking me, I would ask why and they suddenly say they don’t want to be friends anymore. Some said I deserve all the hate I get. Literally hundreds if not thousands told me to hurt myself and even kill myself. I would literally approach someone and if I so much as breathe wrong I get harassed with incredibly violent behaviour. I would fight SO f*cking hard for my rights to be myself because those freaks are SO obsessed with EVERYONE being exactly the same as the other! If you had a different opinion you were considered the devil.

6 years of that. I fought for so long because I did have like ten people who seemed to like my art for it. But in comparison to half of them being fake friends who used me for free art and roleplay and the thousands of monsters out there who harass me nonstop! Making hate accounts focused only on me, stealing my art and posting it on sites saying “This is so cringe, I hope the artist dies.” I block and block but more of those f*cking parasites come! They are EVERYWHERE!

As I lament about it I also think…”How the f*ck did I survive that?” The fact I’m alive now is just baffling to me. I went through the soul shattering emotional equivalent of having all of my organs ripped out by demons who wear the false masks of friends. How did I somehow manage to get up and survive that?

It wasn’t like I could walk away. I was broken. It was actually the Onward fandom that really helped back when it was more active (and before 2022). People generally cared for me and helped me. My family helped me. My bunny Luna helped me. They were my hospital while I recover from the intense trauma. Ironically, 2020 was the best year of my life so far.

But the scars will always be there for as long as I live. At least I can say this.

“I lived, bitches.”

[katsen13]

Second Chance

This is an idea I had pretty much since Infinity War came out. I guess you could say it’s part of my theory for how they were going to fix everything. I started working on it soon after seeing Infinity War but life got in the way as it does, as well did doubt. As always, any feedback and constructive criticism are welcome! This is my first time writing anything this long, so if I could get a signal boost I would really appreciate it!

Feel free to reblog, but please do not repost to other sites without permission first.

General Content: Angst, moodiness. Time travel (please excuse any plotholes I may have missed). Not 100% canon, obviously.

References: The Avengers, Thor: The Dark World, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Captain America: Civil War, Thor: Ragnarok, and Avengers: Infinity War. *MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR THESE MOVIES.*

Chapter-Specific Content: Angst, minor injury.

Summary: Tony visits Loki during the Battle of New York to enlist his help.

*Second Chance Masterlist*

Chapter 1

CHAPTER 2

~

     [Stark Tower] Thor held Loki up, forcing him to look at the chaos down below them. People were running and screaming in terror, being chased by Chitauri soldiers. The streets and sidewalks were all in ruin.

     “Look at this! Look around! You think this madness will end with your rule?” Thor pled with his brother, desperately trying to get through to him. Loki watched the destruction and havoc that he had brought to the city unfold.

     “It’s too late. It’s too late to stop it.” Loki bitterly turned away from his brother’s gaze. He may have been talking to his brother, but Loki hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Stark’s visit; what it could mean and what he had claimed.

     “No. We can. Together.” Thor replied, reassuring his brother.

     Loki look back to his brother, almost feeling something. Dear brother, so naively hopeful. Out of the corner of his eye, Loki saw Stark lurking in the shadows. Thinking quickly, he summoned a small dagger and plunged it into Thor’s abdomen. Thor released his grip on Loki and dropped to his knees in pain.

     “Sentiment,” Loki spat, looking down in contempt as he stood over his brother. Thor sprang up and kicked Loki before lifting him up over his head. He slammed his brother down hard on the ground, cracking the cement underneath them. Loki quickly rolled over the edge of the balcony and dropped onto a passing chariot. With a growl, Thor jumped down to the street below.

     Tony stepped forward, stopping just inside from the balcony. Watching the discord below, he spoke without turning. “Nice exit. Very dramatic.”

     Loki appeared from the shadows just beyond the balcony and approached him. “Enough talk. What do you want?” Loki demanded, his eyes narrowed.

     “It’s more about what you want.” Tony turned to him. “I know you care about Thor, in spite of that little show you just put on.” Loki opened his mouth to object, but Tony cut him off, waving a hand. “Save it, ok?” We don’t have much time before Hulk shows up.”

     Tony explained everything he could that happened leading up to Thanos winning. “All I know is that Thanos trusts you to some degree, for whatever reason. If you were to give him an infinity stone, he would have no reason to think it was fake until it was too late.” He finished.

     “How do I know you’re telling the truth?” Loki’s eyebrows furrowed, not wanting to believe the obviously insane scientist.

     “And you’re supposed to be the god of lies. You’re honestly saying you can’t tell if I’m lying or not?” Stark scoffed, rolling his eyes. Loki glared at him scowling. Underneath his scowl, Tony saw a hint of worry, so well disguised he almost didn’t catch it. Tony sighed again. “See for yourself.” He nodded at the staff in Loki’s hand before looking at the god. “You might want to try the head this time.”

     Loki glanced at the staff in his hand, then at Stark before raising it to the scientist’s forehead. Loki eyed Stark suspiciously, the staff whirring in his hand as it powered up. If he is up to something, this is the way to find out. He thought.

     Loki closed his eyes as he traveled into Stark’s mind, events flashing by him so fast, the memories surrounding him as if he had been there himself. A birthday party, a fight with his father-many fights with his father- studying abroad, his parents’ death, a press conference... Loki went deeper into Tony’s mind, furrowing his eyebrows. He saw a robot turning evil, twins with powers, a dark foreboding landscape with Stark surrounded by the lifeless bodies of his fallen teammates. Loki’s stomach lurched when he saw his brother lying there. His mouth opened in astonishment, but before he could react, the image vanished as he continued on through Tony’s memories.A picture of a young man, Stark fighting some of his friends with a young man, one with arachnid abilities by his side. That young man- he watched as that young man collapsed in Tony’s arms before turning into dust on some forbidden wasteland of a planet. The look in Stark’s eyes then-- Loki blinked and looked away. He remembered seeing that same look in his brother’s eyes as he fell into the void of space.

     Loki opened his eyes and withdrew his staff, the images from Stark’s mind dissolving around him as he released his grip on Tony. Tony’s eyes fluttered as he came to, shaking his head.

     “Damn. Now I know why Barton still won’t stop complaining.” He looked at Loki standing there. The god of mischief was looking down at his staff deep in thought.

     “My brother?” Loki asked quietly, slowly lifting his gaze to look at Tony.

     Tony hesitated before sighing. “I don’t know. No one has heard from him.”

     Loki lowered his eyes, not want his face to betray any emotion. He looked out at the city, contemplating everything he had witnessed. After a moment, he turned back to Stark.

     “Whatever happens, there will be hell to pay, for both of us. You know that.” Tony warned.

     Loki looked down at his staff one last time. Slowly he lifted it, holding it out to Tony. Wordlessly, Tony reached out and took it. Loki held out his arm, his fingers outstretched as a new staff materialized. Grasping it, he stepped out onto the balcony overlooking the city before calling the Chitauri leader. “Send the rest.”

[cygnetofthesea]

Evolution: WA AU

When his girlfriend is diagnosed with a terminal illness, award-winning scientist, Barry Allen fights to find a cure to save her. Little did he know there would be dire consequences. He wasn’t a God, but he would be damned if he let her die. Scientist Barry and Ballerina Iris.

On AO3

For a moment time slowed down and there was only the sound of his heartbeat thumping his ear. His grip on Iris was the only thing that tethered him to reality and kept the panic at bay. There was no time for panic when her life was on the line.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

The sound of gunshots whirred through the narrow hallway and Barry pushed Iris ahead of him as they rounded the corner. His pulse thrumming, he blindly shot his gun, the force of the pushback jarring. He was only a scientist and up until two days ago, he'd never even held a gun let alone used one.

But things had gotten out of control and he was left with little option. He'd do anything to keep Iris safe.

And some may argue that was his fatal flaw and why they were here, but if it meant saving Iris and keeping her with him, he'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.

You're not a God, Barry.

Her words echoed in times of stress. Every time a serum didn't work, or he hit a roadblock in his research, her words were a whisper in his mind. But they never assuaged him and only drove him to fight for her harder. He may not have been God, but he was a scientist. An award-winning one at that, but what point was it when he couldn't use his expertise for good? For her?

He had to do something. He was going to lose the love of his life and even though she looked as strong and healthy as she could, he could see the signs that she was withering away. It was subtle and only the trained eye would be able to spot the difference and his trained eyes saw it from the beginning.

The doctors said they would try everything they could, but Barry could see it in their eyes. There was little hope she'd make it to the end of the year. But, it' didn’t matter. Everyone could give up on her — hell, even Iris could give up on herself — but he'd be damned before he did. He already lost enough in his life and he refused to let her be one more thing because he knew he wouldn't survive this.

He refused to imagine a future where Iris didn’t exist and in the moments he's witnessed her getting sick over the toilet or falter while practicing her ballet routine, it was a stab in his heart. It was a reminder that even though he didn’t want to face reality, the reality was staring at him in the face.

Those moments lead to sleepless nights in the lab, searching for something--anything.

A breakthrough came about when a dying orangutan sprang to life exactly 14 hours after being injected with Sample 301. Barry spent the next 12 hours checking and rechecking his vitals and sending samples to his trusted colleagues. Jesse Quick and Cisco Ramon knew about Iris and while they repeated her words to him, they continued to aid his quest to find a cure. They were steered by their own love for Iris, but they were scientists at heart too. Finding a cure to a terminal illness would make them a legend in medical history.

Little did they know, someone else had been lurking in the midst, just as intrigued by the possibilities. Just as desperate for a revolutionary scientific discovery.

You're not a God, Barry.

He had plans to wait until he could run a few more trials but then the sight of Iris collapsing on stage made his heart stop in his chest and it was a fear unlike anything he had ever known. Paralyzing, dizzying.

He couldn’t even remember running to the stage. All he knew was one moment she was performing a pirouette and the next her face paled before her body crumpled to the ground. And then she was in his arms. He was frantically calling out for her, the sounds around him fading until there was only a ringing in the air and heavy beat of his heart.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

The ambulance ride was the longest of his life and he fought just to breathe. The EMTs offered a sedative, but all he could focus on was her. The site of the oxygen mask taking over the better part of her beautiful face. Her face that looked so pale and grey, matching the fabric of her dress.

"Iris," he rasped, his hands squeezing hers. Her hand felt so small and frail and he had to work to calm his nerves.

By the time she woke up and the doctor walked into her room, Barry had felt a numbness that came with resolve. It didn't matter what the doctor said at that moment — it was written on her face — and Barry knew what he had to do. Screw waiting for the third trial.

He didn't bother looking at the doctor as she spoke the words that would have cemented his heart if Iris wasn't laying there right beside him. He turned to look at Iris instead, willing her to see the resolve in his eyes, willing her to understand that he would never let anything happen to her.

He watched Iris's eyes fill with tears as the doctor gently informed them that her body was weakening and it may be wise to make arrangements. Barry doesn't acknowledge the doctor and instead squeezes Iris's hand to catch her attention. He feels the burn in his nose but refuses to let her seem him break down.

"It's ok, baby" he whispers. "I'm not letting anything happen to you."

It was later that night when she was wrapped up in a blanket on the couch after he set aside her medicine that he brought the serum to her.

"What is it?" she said, eyeing it warily.

"Ever since we found out the diagnosis, I've been working on something. A cure."

Iris didn't say anything for a long moment, her eyes frozen on the serum. Slowly, she moved to sit up, struggling to steady herself. He gently guided her to sit against the pillows.

"Barry," she finally said, her voice hoarse. "What do you mean a cure?"

Barry got up from his kneeled position and sat beside her. He took her face in his hands and looked in her in the eyes.

"Iris, I'm not ready to lose you. I'll never be." His voice broke just as his heart twisted in his chest. He shows her the serum again. "I've had two successful trial runs, Iris. This serum brought two dying orangutans back to full health. They were infected with the same — "

"Wait, what? Barry, this is what you've been working on all this time? All that you spent at the lab was because of me?"

Barry couldn't read the expression on her face and his stomach was in knots.

"I-I didn't want to tell you what I was doing because I didn't want to get your hopes up. I didn't know if it was possible, but Iris, baby, I'm telling you, this could be something."

Iris looked down at the serum, shaking her head softly. "Honey. You're not a God, Barry. This isn't your responsibility, this isn't your burden to carry--"

"How can you say that Iris?" he burst out. "What do you expect me to do? Just accept the fact that you're-that you're…" He can't let himself think the words, let alone speak them out loud. "No. I can’t and I won't."

When she doesn't say anything, Barry pushed on.

"Please, Iris, please. The doctors aren't…it's not like they offered any solution. This could save you."

"How do you know it'll work on me? What if I get worse?"

"Baby, they're telling us…" he trailed off, choking on the words. With his heart thumping, eyes watering, Barry fights to get the words out. "They're saying that you won't even make it to the end of the month."

He let out a muffled sob as a traitorous tear slid down his eye. Iris cups his cheek, wiping away the tear as she closed her eyes. He could tell the exhaustion was getting to her and soon she would no longer be able to sit up straight.

He leaned in until their foreheads touched. "Please, Iris, please."

It's all he can do. Plead with her, plead to some higher power that she stays with him because existing in a world without her just wasn't an option.

"I need to think about it," she finally whispered.

It wasn't the answer he was looking for, but it had to be enough. For now, at least.

Three days later when Wally brought Iris home after she vomited blood, Iris finally relented. The stricken face on her baby brother's face seemed to have steered her. After their father died two years before, it was just them and Wally had no one else in his life beside his sister.

And Barry. Had she truly been ready to leave him behind? So many unfulfilled dreams stared her in the face every time he looked at her with his soft, sea-green eyes, framed by those lashes she loved so much and made her weak. Lashes that she envisioned on a baby girl or boy.

When she whispered her dreams to him as he helped her change out of her clothes, Barry's heart broke all over again. He didn't think it was possible to feel any more pain, so worn from the heartache, but hearing her fight through labored breaths to tell him of her dreams with him, Barry wanted to crumble in her arms.

But there would be time for them to rest in each other's embrace. For now, he needed to save Iris.

He looked at her in the eyes, asking her one last time if she was sure and when she nodded, he quickly struck her vein with the needle. He watched as the serum dispensed into her vein until the clear tube was empty. He tossed aside the syringe and took her in his arms.

"Iris?"

His voice hushed and shaky, Barry watched as Iris's eyes fluttered closed. He took her in his arms, holding her close as he checked her pulse.

"Iris, open your eyes for me. Just for a little bit, please, look at me."

When she finally opened her eyes, he could see her pupils expand before a ring of light surrounded her iris. And in a blink, it was gone.

"Iris?"

She looked up at him, her head resting against his shoulder. "Barry."

In exactly fourteen hours, he began to see the changes in her. And so did Cisco and Jesse.

"Oh my god, it actually worked," Jesse breathed. "Iris, how do you feel?"

Iris sat upright, looking up at them with an astonished smile. "I-I feel great," she said shrugging. "Strong."

Barry let out a breath, caressing her cheek. "You look great," he said, marveling at her.

The grey, sallow hue that had taken over her skin the last few months were gone and instead, her normal, deep brown skin was back. God, he had missed the sight. She was glowing, glowing in a way that he had never seen before.

For a moment he forgot they had company as he let his hands roam over her skin, still reveling that she was there with him. It was just yesterday she was in her arms, looking like the life was leaving her before his eyes.

She turned to nuzzle against his touch, bringing her own hand to stroke his cheek before letting it get lost in his thick hair. "You brought me back," she whispered.

He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, feeling the warmth in his chest spread through his body.

The sound of throat clearing penetrated their bubble and they pulled apart to sheepishly look over at Cisco.

"So, since the preliminary check-ups look all good, I think we can hold off on testing the blood sample," Cisco said with a smile. "I'll just take it to the lab and see what I find."

"Thank you. The both of you."

Jesse smiled. "I'm just happy you're ok, Iris. Now, we'll get out of your hair."

Barry barely waited for them to leave the room before he pulled Iris into tight embrace. He let out a shaky breath before capturing her lips and kissing her with all the pent up passion. It had been a long while since they were able to do more than just a gentle peck as her health dwindled. And watching her wither away before him, his libido was the last thing on his mind.

But having her in his arms and feeling the strength in her body that he hadn't felt in such a long time, he let himself hold her tighter and tighter against him.

"Barry," she said breathlessly, her hands clutching him. "Is this real? Am I really ok?"

He peppers kisses across her face. "I'm going to make sure of it, baby. I'm never letting anything happen to you."

And as he made love to her that night, savoring every touch, every gasp, the heat of their bodies melding against each other over and over again, he vowed that they would have many more nights like this.

Then strange things started happening.

It wasn't long before Barry discovered there was something unusual about Iris's blood. How quickly and abnormally they were replicating. He had been carefully monitoring her vitals and everything was seemingly ok. Until Iris complained of frequent migraines. It was enough to concern Barry, who had been diligently monitoring her vitals, but then the lights started flickering inexplicably every time it got worse.

And then things started moving on their own. Objects would fly across the room and it wasn't long before they realized it was Iris. Somehow, some way, she was able to move things with her mind, whether it was retrieving a mug from the top shelf or turning the hands on the clock.

“Barry, what’s happening to me?” Iris whispered, looking down at her hands.

Barry took her hands in his and kissed them tenderly. He had no idea what was happening to her, but he could see the fear in her watery eyes, feel it in her trembling hands. So, he cleared his throat and softly comforted her.

“It’s ok, Iris, it’s ok. You’re going to be fine, I promise,” he soothed even as his own heart thumped in uncertainty.

“But, what is this? How is this possible?”

“I don’t know, it must be a side effect from the cure. But it’s ok, Iris, you’re safe and we’re going to figure this out.”

He pulled her into his arms, holding her securely as her body quivered.

“Am I dangerous?” she asked softly against his shoulder.

“No.” Sure as he was of anything, Iris was anything but dangerous. “But we can’t tell anyone about this, ok? We have to keep this under the radar until we can figure this out.”

Little did they know someone had been watching them all the while. Eobard Thawne made himself known after Iris miraculously stopped a car from careening into a pair of children riding their bicycles. The coast had been clear as far as they knew and even so, no one could have known that Iris stopped the car with her mind. That it was sheer willpower that kept those kids from being run over as Iris stood on the sidewalk just a few yards away.

But apparently, Thawne had been there and felt the energy radiating from Iris. He visited their home in the hopes of recruiting Barry to work for him so they could study the mutation taking place in Iris's genes. The slow, barely perceptible changes in her DNA that were caused by a serum that no longer existed. Barry didn’t even consider his offer of bringing Iris into Thawne’s lab. There were only two others he trusted to take care of her beside him and Eobard Thawne was not among them. A reputable scientist he may be, but this was Iris’s life and he wasn’t just going to hand her over like a lab rat. He would take care of her himself.

He would never tell Iris, but there was a sickening guilt that was starting to bleed into him. Perhaps, he had spared her from death, but had he forsaken her to a worse fate?

But as he looked at Iris’s healthy face, the hollowness from her eyes gone and replaced with light, he couldn’t regret creating the serum. He would do it all over again just to have her safe in his arms. To touch her, to kiss her soft skin, to hear her gasps as they make love, to feel her on him...and to feel her heart beat healthy and strong against his heart that beat for her.

You're not a God, Barry.

The moment they realized Thawne would stop at nothing to get to Iris and Barry's creation, they destroyed everything before making a run for it. Perhaps it was rash to run from danger, but in a desperate moment in which Iris was almost taken and Barry was almost shot, they didn't take another second to ponder their circumstances.

It was fight or flight and they chose flight until it was safe enough. They had planned to leave in the middle of Iris's dress rehearsal for her show to ward off suspicion, but Thawne had eyes everywhere and now they were here, running for their lives with his men at their heels.

"Barry, we can't run forever," Iris panted as they ran another corner.

She held his hand back before he could move. Barry heaved as he fought to get oxygen into his lungs, holding onto Iris's hand tightly.

"Iris, we can't stop. I am not going to let anything happen to you. "

Another shot fired toward them and his heart leaped in his chest. He tugged on her hand.

"Barry, wait," she said, looking at him with wide eyes. "I can-I can stop them."

She shook her hand out of his grip and stepped back around the corner to face the barrage of bullets. Panic surged through him as he ran to step in front of her.

"Iris, wait!"

But his rush to protect her was all for naught. As though hitting an invisible wall, the bullets stopped mid-air right in front of them before clattering to the ground. Eobard Thawne stood in front of his team, a taser gun in his hand.

"Oh my god," he marveled.

You're not a God, Barry.

He watched as Iris held out her hand, an undeniable energy pulsing from her body to her hand. The walls on either side of them tremored until cracks spread across the once smooth surface. Eobard's eyes widened, backing away.

Iris twisted her hand into a fist, a concentrated look on her face. And with one last tug of her hand as though pulling on an invisible string, the walls came down, crumbling between them until they could no longer see the stricken face of their enemy.

You're not a God, Barry.

But perhaps he had created one. And it was the love of his life.

[kmp78]

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By reading, and especially by contributing, on what goes on around this blog, you are willingly agreeing with all guidelines and directions I have mentioned below - no exceptions.

I am willing to give a space to those who wish to discuss Mars (or other topics), and I am washing my hands from any and all fuckery that may ensue from other people´s opinions.

Also worth mentioning: I am fully aware that some people who publicly and very vocally denounce any interest in either this blog or Mars gossip lurk around this blog and then spread shit elsewhere on the internet. 

By doing that, you are essentially outing yourself as a quiet kmp78 admirer, so to speak. 

Or a fangirl, if that suits better. 🤗

Alright then... READ.

1.  This blog is laced with sarcasm, jokes, stupid and often very dark humor and PERSONAL OPINIONS - both mine and the people who participate in our conversations. This is not CNN, BBC or even Fox News - this is a personal blog run by a (sort of) fan. Not someone with inside information, and not someone whose opinions and views should be taken too seriously, and definitely not as gospel. I have no direct access to anyone in the Mars organization, and I do not work for them.

2. Nor do I work for YOU. This may be a blog which is mainly used for discussions about all things Mars and all opinions and topics are welcome, but the only one in charge is ME. I decide if a message gets published, if a message gets edited, if a message gets deleted - and if the sender gets blocked.

And not that it really needs to be said, but here goes anyway: I do not work for any Leto troll either.

3. And speaking of blocking: 

those who send threats or offensive messages will be blocked, as will anyone who I deem block-worthy. Rest assured, I never block anyone without a reason, so if you should discover that you have been blocked, that means I had a reason. I may or may not inform publicly when a person has been blocked, depends on my mood.

4. Everyone who sends messages is responsible for their own words - I do not accept any blame for other people´s opinions. Misunderstandings by accident or on purpose are not my headache. If I suspect a message will potentially cause unnecessary problems or annoyance for me, I will not post it (or will edit it), and  I don´t owe anyone any explanations as to why I´m not posting it. I may explain, or not - that´s up for me to decide. 

In any case, as I said: I will not take responsibility for anyone else´s words other than mine, and screaming at me over here or elsewhere online regarding comments someone else made and I posted...

Well, that´s just infantile. 🙄

5. All opinions are welcome, positive AND negative. A positive opinion does not automatically make you a sheep, and a negative opinion does not automatically make you a hater. 

Readers to this blog should be adult enough to handle both sides.

6. Calling women sluts or whores is not ok here. 

You also need to be able to tell the difference between calling a woman a whore and calling a Leto a whore. If you can´t understand the difference, then get out immediately.

SPECIAL CLAUSE:

the term “YACHT GIRL” when used in connection with an actually legit model who YOU ARE JEALOUS OF BECAUSE SHE GETS TO BONE A MAN YOUR FLABBY LOINS BURN FOR, actually is the equivalent of you calling her a whore, so kindly DO NOT.

Use whatever brain cells your parents genes bestowed upon you and make them at least somewhat proud. That should hopefully partially make up for the disappointment they most probably are already feeling knowing you actually read and participate in this shit.

7. What is also not ok is accusing people of crimes, calling them psychopaths, or threatening others with physical violence etc. - not even sarcastically or as jokes.

Think of it this way: 

when typing your message, if at any point you think that what you are writing might come across differently or more seriously to the person reading it than to you while writing it - then do not write it. Any innuendo about people´s potential “social diseases” is not welcome either, and neither are accusations of “obsessions” and people “stalking” the men this blog is focused on. Be VERY careful when using these terms. 

YOU are responsible for your own words. I cannot stress that enough.📣

8. We use a lot of initials and nicknames in our conversations - for a reason. 

Do not use people´s real names in messages. 

If you do not know who a particular person is, please come ask via chat (directions on how to use the chat feature can be found here). I may or may not blur out a name in a message if I think it´s necessary.

9. I post a lot of pics, gifs - and most of them are found from Google using various search terms, and sadly have no tags or indications as to who is the owner/maker. I don´t own any of the pics or gifs, or videos for that matter either (except the ones I have made and labeled as my own). If you find something of yours posted and prefer not to have it up or to have your name added as credits, please let me know and I will remove it.

As for links to either newspaper articles, IG accounts, other blogs or the like: you can find credits to the sources by either clicking on the links, or if I have decided to post screen caps, in the pics themselves. Again, I do not write articles or make videos and very, very rarely post anything other than other people´s comments - after all, this is prominently a discussion blog now. Opinions/messages from other people represent THEIR views and thoughts, my views/thoughts can be seen in my answers (in case of submits or multi-part messages, you will find my contributions to the message after this sign: ***).

To make this very clear: we don´t make news here, we discuss them.

10. When sending submits, if you are unsure of others potentially seeing your “ID”, please mention in your message that you want to remain anon and I will post it anon. Also please remember tho that there is no such thing as complete anonymity - so be careful when writing down your thoughts. Censor yourself if necessary - don´t make problems for me or others, or yourself.

11. I use Statcounter on this blog, which means I can see IP addresses from people visiting this site. However I choose to use that information is up to me, so if you are scared shitless of being outed due to your own actions/words, then DO NOT COME HERE.

If I out your IP, then there is a reason for it.

Don´t give me reasons if you want to remain in the shadows.

(And same goes for chat messages btw: don´t pretend to be my friend in private, but then turn your back and stab me in it in public. More often than not I WILL find out, and if I choose to then out your bullshit by posting private messages, THAT´S ALL YOUR OWN DOING, KIDDOS.

Play nice with me and you have nothing to worry about.

Start kicking dirt in my face and...🤷‍♀️

12. If you are addressing your message directly to someone (= other than me), please say so CLEARLY in your message, for example by starting your message with “For anon who said...”, or something along those line. I have had it with misunderstandings and unnecessary messes due to unclear messages! BE SPECIFIC!

13. ONLY write either in English or Finnish. I won´t waste my time on Google Translate, I have enough on my plate as it is and your weirdo mongrel lingos are boring as hell anyway.

14.  DO NOT SEND MESSAGES WITH THE SOLE PURPOSE OF STIRRING UP SHIT - OR TO INSULT OTHER COUNTRIES OR NATIONALITIES. That would rank quite high the PATHETIC categories...

15. I won´t post content from so-called private/non-celeb accounts such as Leto trolls (= VK for example IS a celeb so whatever she posts is most deffo getting posted, but anything posted by Lesser´s harem probs won´t be).

16. READ PREVIOUS MESSAGES! READ PREVIOUS MESSAGES! READ PREVIOUS MESSAGES! READ PREVIOUS MESSAGES! READ PREVIOUS MESSAGES! 

I´m beyoooooooond bored answering the same questions over and over again, sometimes in the space of just a few hours! The archives and search option are available on my blog for a reason! USE THEM. 😠

17. When sending messages containing info or “receipts” or whatever it may be that you think we should be made aware of, either clearly state WHERE that info can be found and WHO you are talking about. Do not simply send a message a´la “VK can be seen on Monica´s/Richard´s/Beatrice´s IG”. We don´t know who these people are! You may, but we don´t! I do not follow a single model or fashion industry creeper on social media so FIRST NAMES mean fuck all to me. GIVE FULL DETAILS OR SHUT THE FUCK UP. 

18. IF I SAY A TOPIC IS OFF-LIMITS, THEN YOU WILL RESPECT THAT.

19. I usually try to post messages in the same order they have been sent - with a few exceptions: 

If a situation arises which calls for “immediate attention” (new troll pics or other sudden Mars-related activity, for example), I may leave older messages for later and focus on newer ones first. Also when I am operating on my mobile, I am often unable to post certain messages (videos etc.), so those will be left for later when I am back to an actual computer. 

20. More often than not, tumblr fails to deliver messages to my inbox. If you suspect that yours has not been delivered, please send it again. I don´t mind getting duplicates.

21. If I feel that a message offers no relevant or needed content, I won´t post it. For example, a message such as “JL & XX in Japan bang bang” is unnecessary and pointless and not worth posting. I only have 250 allowed posts per day, and on busy days I have to make judgments on what is worthy of posting and what is not. I apologize if I therefore have to skip some messages. 

When I run out of allowed posts here, I will let everyone know that I am switching over to use the secondary blog which can be found at @kmp78secondaryblog

(PLEASE NOTE: That blog is ONLY used when we run out of room here, and I never go there unless I have to so please don´t send any messages to that blog unless I inform we have to move there!)

AND FINALLY PLEASE REMEMBER:

THIS IS A FANDOM FOR A BAND. NOT A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH. ACT ACCORDINGLY.

Creating hater accounts dedicated to POSTING PICTURES OF MY BLOODY EYEBALL (that btw actually happened because of course it did! This is the echeLOOOOOON after all! 👍) won´t make me quit this blog, so...

Yeah.

Anyway, for further information, please contact me via private message here, on my IGs, or at kmp78@yahoo.com.

Thank you. 🙏

PS: In case you run into accounts/comments made under my tumblr “identity”, or otherwise unauthorized “kmp78″ activity outside of tumblr which you recognize as being linked to this blog in any way (such as my posts being tagged with JL´s tags etc.), please report them immediately, both to the admins of the sites you found these accounts on, and to me directly so I can take appropriate action, thanks.

Any of my personal pics taken from this blog have been taken without permission and I have never and will never give permission to post them anywhere. And when I say I “appropriate action”, I mean just that. If need be, I will be contacting the authorities, like I did when I received public death threats. 

Be very aware that my tolerance for that is less than zero - and also be aware that these guidelines and my rules may change whenever I feel the need to change them.

#DEAL ✌️

[bearofohu]

changes (please read)

hhi it’s your boy welcome to mcnugget 

 (if my url is already changed by the time you read this post, this is chewyloon)

also note im still very new to this the changes im about to make so please know i havent done all my research yet im doing my best ok thanks.

i don’t really want to make this post. i really dont. its not because what i’m about to do is something to be ashamed of in any regard but its just because i am so goddamn bad at wording things that this is going to come out sounding like my most intricate meme yet. its not.  i would never make this up. im going to write this post trying to pretend like my heart is not going at a million beats per minute so if it comes out also looking like an elaborate crytyping post i promise its not.

if you lurk my blog, which i absolutely don’t mind, you might notice that 90% of the posts that you may have seen before i deleted them 2.6 seconds later were about how i dislike being a cis female, posts about wanting to be what i knew i wanted, and posts venting about how my family would laugh at me for trying to hint at the changes i wanted to make to my identity. i deleted these posts almost instantly after i made them because i felt like people would look at it on their dash and be like “ew, edgy” or some dumb shit, i dont know, im just so paranoid  

a lot has changed in my life this year. my family no longer constrains me, and their contact with me is very limited. i’m alone. and at first it felt like the worst feeling in the world, sitting alone, doing things alone, but honestly, i’ve been thinking about all of this nonstop and i realize now that..

bitches, im free. i can be what i want to be. i can buy as much choccy milk as i want and no one is going to stop me from shitposting at 3 AM. and nobody is going to tell me i can’t change my identity anymore, either.

honestly guys im unprepared. im so unprepared for this but i know this is what i want and i’ve already signed a blood oath in my brain that no matter how hard this gets for me i cant back down. this really is what i want. guys i dont feel like a girl. i dont like my body and how it feels as a girl. i dont like being called a girl, i don’t like being identified as a girl, it’s not me and i don’t think it ever was. and im probably the least masculine bitch on this website, but that doesn’t define whether or not i can identify as a boy. i want to be a meme boy. i want to be a shitpost boy. i want to be a weed king boy. i wanna be a boy that cuts their hair real short and wears flannels constantly and rocks a fucking pair of weed socks. and im going to do that. i promise. no matter how hard it gets i’m not going to let anybody stop me

im really sorry if it sounds like im talking in circles i really am not trying to, so i’ll just try to get to the thiccness of this post and exactly what im changing about myself.

i no longer identify as a girl. i’m a trans boy who just started transitioning like fuckinn uh yesterday. i havent told anyone in my family and i dont fucking plan to. i have friends who support me and im changing my name this weekend. i feel like i havent entered dysphoria hell yet but i know for a fact it’ll come soon. right now im not worried about my appearance. and im sorry but i can’t provide a coming out selfie because this is just now happening and im ugly and have been crying for hours and my zipper’s stuck so no. soon i’ll start getting to work on my appearance. i know for a fact that i can’t afford any medical help for my transition and i won’t for awhile, but that’s on the to do list for the coming years.

ok now we get to talk about my new name and this is the part where you’re allowed to cringe but please i am just a boy and my crops are dying no criticism on my christian minecraft server please. also shoutout to all the confused people on discord who caught my not subtle profile name change.

 my name is fuckinn uh... luek. luke. its luke. 

i gET it, i know INEVTIABLY there’s going to be some ppl that look at my blog and then be like “ew another tumblr gremlin changes their name to an anime boy” but i sWE a R the character of luke is a big part of why i felt compelled to the name but its not the entire thing. i grew up with the character luke triton since i was 7 in a very hard time in my life and im very fond of him and he’s one of my favorite characters if not my favorite character of all time. i love his character a lot and its because of that that i felt compelled to the name. im not just changing it to luke because i think luke is my fursona, i don’t, im changing it because i love the name because of the character. i don’t really feel like i have to justify my name change but i know most if not all of you will be supportive of it and ily so much <3

uMM what else this entire post is a clusterfuck. ok so this is probably going to be the most disruptive change at least in a tumblr aspect. im going to be changing a lot of social media usernames in the next few days, including my URL here on tumblr. i dont like chewyloon anymore. i dont like being called chewy anymore. i wanna be called luke and i feel like i’ve outgrown the username chewyloon and it doesnt fit my identity anymore. so i’ve decided my display names on various websites is going to change as well, and i’ll be changing my username on most sites and my email to Ryukkan. the weeb overtakes me sorry if you don’t like it the username Luke and ChickenNuggetBoy was taken.

now im not changing my URL as soon as this post goes up but shortly after, just so people who read this will know who the fuck sent it and if not i put my former user at the top so ppl don’t get confused.

ashgf im running out of things to talk about. i will be changing things in the upcoming days but please remember im not trying to make this a giant deal so please dont spread this or anything, just let people find out naturally.

ily guys very, very much and i dont know what i would do without ya’ll. you guys mean the world to me <3

ok well this post physically hurts me to write so im going to end it here. im sorry if im inevtiably acting a little strange in the next weeks or so, like i said this is a huge change so adjusting is going to be difficult. 

ily guys <3

- luke

[cryptid-crusader]

My Tumblr History (feat. a LOT of rambling, I apologize)

I’ve been on Tumblr 9 years. I came to Tumblr from Xanga (which IDK if that’s even still a thing or not) after being thoroughly obsessed with latter for about 4 or so years. Xanga was much more of a typical blog blog, and though I interacted with far less people on it, those few I did became honest to god friends that I still think about to this day. Though, as years past, my few friends began to drop off one by one from the site and I found myself enjoying it much less once they were gone. Eventually, I left too.

A few months later, I decided to join Tumblr. It was still a fairly new site in 2010 when I had joined, and I had only heard a few things here and there around the internet before I decided to check it out myself. When I first started, I used this site a lot like I used Xanga and basically had it exclusively as an internet journal to talk about life and nerdy shit and the like (I remember even thinking the reblog option was dumb because why not just make your own content? Why reblog other peoples stuff? loooool) and also did a lot of those writing daily challenges. Do you guys remember those? I loved them. Anyway...

Needless to say as time went on and I got older and followed more people and gained more followers (some of you have been here from very early on and for that I am incredibly thankful) as dweeby as this may sound, I really grew as a person. God, I remember 9 years ago I would sometimes post uncredited art or really insensitive, not funny at all, “jokes” because I honestly didn’t see a problem with them (and the only reason I really remember these awful things is occasionally once in a blue moon random people would find them in the bowels of my blog and like them and I would shudder and delete them). I kinda started Tumblr as this young social media doofus that, again as cheesy as it sounds, learned a lot and grew from my experience here. I would never dream of posting uncredited art now, and those “jokes” make me want to vomit. I learned a lot about social issues through this blog and it also helped me open up and learn about my sexuality. I got to see a broader world view from all different walks of life here (which was incredibly refreshing after growing up in a very close knit predominately white republican community) , and met some fantastic humans I’m blessed to have interacted with and become their friend. I never would have met them without this site!

Not to mention just like... all the cool shit. There are SO many talented people on Tumblr. So much beautiful art, fantastic writing, and just all round hilarious and interesting humans that I loved to get even a small peak into their lives and learn about them and what they like and do for fun. I’ve picked up hobbies through this site, joined fandoms through this site, made friends, laughed endlessly, become inspired, found some of my favorite anime/books/movies, and have had so much fun in these nine years on Tumblr.

... Not to say that it hasn’t been without it’s bad. I’ve been here long enough to remember when Tumblr users proudly boasted about how open and inviting to any and all people they were, how they would never point fingers, be mean, or turn others away. Boy, how that has changed looool. I’ve been through the annoying but innocent enough superwholocks and the scandals of older users who used to be Tumblr royalty that fucked up in some way and fell from grace, to the disgrace of people who are totally fine humans that didn’t completely cater to exactly what certain people wanted or made a few wrong steps that people felt like they had to attack them viciously for the littlest asinine shit. The good the bad and the ugly, all the way through to now.

Now. :(

To be frank, this entire site has been a disaster for a loooooooooong time with a staff that seems to be equal mix of not knowing at all how to run a functioning site and not giving a shit at all about it’s user base and their feelings (which reeeeeeeally sucks for all the fantastic content creators and people who have been here forever who have essentially made this site what it is). Little things like ‘oh we made an update that ‘everyone’ will love but is actually dumb as hell and just pisses people off’ to their have been porn bots, pedos, and nazis on this site for YEARS terrorizing people and being awful but guess that is just how it will be... Until they got banned from the app store and THEN it’s an issue (because they lost money ofc)!

Suddenly, Tumblr staff cares, but only for themselves. Instead of actually resolving the issue THAT HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR YEARS AND IS AN EXTREMELY WELL KNOW AND COMPLAINED ABOUT ISSUE they just decide fuck it, punish everyone. No “porn” at all, but I use that term lightly because they say some nudity is allowed (don’t get me started on female presenting nipples it also makes me laugh to hard and then I won’t be able to type) and for some reason apparently written erotica is allowed (which makes absolutely zero sense if you are truly trying to make this a ‘family friendly’ site, why is visual porn not allowed but written OK?) but... Is it really? Posts that are completely innocent are getting tagged left and right as not suitable content. Like, thousands of posts are getting tagged by whatever stupid algorithm they are using that are completely void of anything remotely sexual and you expect me to believe your incompetent asses are going to go through them and deem which are OK and which aren’t based on you shoddy stupid ass new rules? Fuck that. 

And all the sex workers and people and run side blogs and NSFW art blogs and the like are just completely screwed (no pun intended). It upsets me because like... Porn blogs have never been the issue. There are definitely some horrible ones, no denying that, but for the most part they just stayed in their lane and interacted with other porn blogs. They weren’t the issue (And, if Tumblr knew at all how to create a damn site, they wouldn’t have been an issue at all if the damn safe mode toggle actually worked like it was supposed to). The ungodly amount of bots is the fucking issue. I can tell you right now, I have over a thousand followers and I am in no way kidding when I say half of those are porn bots that I just gave up reporting because I get like, 3 of them following me a week on average. It’s ridiculous! Also, ACTUAL FUCKING CHILD PORN? THAT IS EASILY ACCESSIBLE EVEN WHEN NOT LOOKING UP ANYTHING NSFW (which I very unfortunately know through experience)? And to top it all off, fucking NAZIS who for some reason are still allowed to spew their bullshit on this site??? Is this a nightmare?

So with all this happening, I believe it’s pretty safe to say Tumblr’s days are numbered. It makes me laugh and cry, it’s something you could see coming a mile away and yet something that you didn’t think would actually happen. I don’t want to leave Tumblr. I love you guys (the users not the staff). You have all brought joy and enrichment to my life and I am so grateful I got to be here with you. I also just like a lot of nuances of tumblr, like the fact I can read an entry so powerful and moving it brings me to tears and then just one post underneath is an over baked nonsensical cat meme which has me wheezing for reasons I can’t quite explain. I can be anonymous and as weird as I want to here without having to really worry about family, coworkers, or older friends seeing it and being like WTF is wrong with you, what does all this mean??? I like how my blog looks and how I can bitch in the tags and chat with my friends and message people and talk about my oc’s and randoms interests and get pointers and learn new things and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I love Tumblr. I don’t want to leave and don’t necessarily plan to. But then again, I said they same thing about Xanga, and if Tumblr keeps going in the way it is going... I’m not sure I really truly  want to be lumped in with that. :/

Now this has already been entirely too long (and honestly I’m kind of feeling how I did when I started this blog in 2010 lul) but lemme say this: Thanks guys, I had a whole lot of fun. And if I do end up leaving sometime in the maybe not to distant future know that I will always be lurking around somewhere on the internet, and I had the best time while I was here. I wish nothing but the best for all of you, and may we all be able to remain a happy and dysfunctional little group, if not here, somewhere much better.

[scared-aquarius]

signs as haunted places in New Jersey

(I’m starting a series where I assign haunted places from each state to the signs. I’m starting with New Jersey because that’s where I’m from! Also the Red Mill is located in my hometown so I thought that was cool. Ok anyways)

Aries: The Pine Barrens, NJ- The Pine Barrens, also known as the Pinelands or the Pines, is a heavily forested area that covers more than 7 counties across the state of New Jersey. This area has been the site of many legends and is also the alleged home of the infamous Jersey Devil. The Jersey Devil is described as a kangaroo-like creature with the head of a dog and the face of a horse, bat-like leathery wings, horns and a tail. There have been many sightings over the years, specifically in South Jersey, leading many to believe that the Jersey Devil actually exists or is at least a real animal. Some people believe that the vastness and remote nature of the 1 million acre Pine Barrens could allow a species to remain hidden over time. Other legends include the ghost of Captain Kidd, a pirate who supposedly hid his treasure in Barnegat Bay. Some locals say that they’ve seen his ghost wandering along the beach. There are two other ghosts who are actually known to be kind spirits. There is the ghost of a man named James Still, more popularly known as The Black Doctor, who was a man studying medicine in the 19th century who wasn’t permitted to do so because of his race. Undiscouraged, however, he went into seclusion in The Pine Barrens to study his textbooks and also learned herbal remedies. Some say he died from lynching after being discovered and others say he died of a heart attack. His ghost however is still said to come to the aid of injured or stranded travelers in The Pine Barrens. Lastly, there is a white stag that many have claimed to see. The stag supposedly is known to prevent disasters. If you see the white stag, it is supposed to bring good luck.

Taurus: The Devil’s Tree, Bernards Township NJ- The Devil’s Tree is a single oak tree with some dead limbs in an undeveloped field. A common claim is that Bernards Township was the central headquarters for the Ku Klux Klan in New Jersey during colonial times and the tree was used to lynch black people and rebellious slaves. Others say that a farmer hanged himself from the tree after murdering his own family. The legend says that the tree is cursed and anyone who tried to cut it down will “come to an untimely end”. It is said that those who damage or disrespect the tree, either by peeing on it, carving into it or even making remarks about the tree while nearby, will soon come to some sort of harm. This harm will often come in the form of a car accident or experiencing a major breakdown while trying to leave the field in which the tree lives. Other legends claim that if you touch the tree, your hands will turn black if you try to eat. In winter, the ground beneath the tree is allegedly free from snow regardless of how recent the snowfall was or how much has fallen. Some have claimed that the tree is occasionally warm to the touch regardless of the season or time of day. It is thought that this is because it is disguised as a tree but is really a portal to Hell.

Gemini: The Union Hotel, Flemington NJ- This hotel was built in 1878 during the Victorian Era. In 1934, it stood witness to the media event that was dubbed the “trial of the century”, when Bruno Hauptmann was accused of the kidnapping and murder of Charles Lindbergh’s infant son which was tried at the courthouse across the street. The hotel became the base for journalists and the temporary home of the jurors. Most recently, the hotel was used as a bar and restaurant with the upper floors being blocked off. Previous staff members recall many paranormal encounters that they had. One former manger says that one night after a bouncer had locked the doors, the staff were all sitting around having a drink. Suddenly the locked doors flew open wide and a cold wind swept past them. When the bouncer went to go re-close the doors, he saw a pair of disembodied black leather shoes walking up the main stairway. He freaked out and ran out of the hotel. The manager also recalled of a time a waitress was going up the stairs when she heard a disembodied voice humming a lullaby. She was so afraid that she ran out of the building and quit. Other former employees remember constantly seeing a young girl with dark hair in a fancy dress running around the dining room. She is also said to play with a doll on the main stairway and is known to trip people. There are stories of ghosts ordering drinks at the bar and then disappearing. There was also a time when an employee was cleaning tables and saw two people chasing each other who then suddenly vanished into thin air. No one is sure of the origin of these possible specters. However, there is one story about a man who was murdered in the basement of the hotel.

Cancer: Red Mill, Clinton NJ- The Red Mill was built in 1810 as an industrial mill. For the first few years, it was used as a wool processing plant. Milling was very dangerous work and at the time, there were no safety latches or guards on the machinery. Many stories have been passed down about the workers who met their untimely death while on the job. By 1820, however, the wool business had failed in the downturn for cloth. Ralph Hunt, the owner at the time, lost hundreds of acres because of this. Today, the Red Mill is now the main building of the Red Mill Museum Village, which includes the mill, a 19th century one-room schoolhouse, carriage sheds and other quarry village buildings. Tours are available nowadays and the most popular paranormal encounter is that of a man wearing period clothing and a black hat who doesn’t speak who roams the third floor. Many visitors have claimed to see this ghost as well as feeling like someone is touching them or tugging on their clothes. Another spirit that is said to frequently be seen is that of a young girl around the age of 6 or 7 who died around 1900. She was the daughter of one of the mill’s owners and was supposedly very fond of coming to the mill with her father. Additional grisly things that have happened on the grounds is a mill worker fell head-first into a mill hopper and suffocated. There is also a story of a young boy who was cleaning his weapon in the tenant building and accidentally shot himself. Another member had a heart attack and died on the steps of the tenant building. Strange occurrences at the tenant house include footsteps on a vacant second floor and bells swinging back and forth on their own. Now, because this mill is in my hometown, I just want to share that I believe I have seen the ghost of the little girl for myself. I was in town with my friend and was walking along the bridge towards the mill and I saw a girl who was extremely pale from head to toe and it seemed almost blurry, like when your eyes water and everything looks skewed. I turned to tell my friend but when I looked back she was gone. I know this sounds super fake but I swear that’s what happened. I was so freaked out that I had to go home.

Leo: Clinton Road, West Milford NJ- Considered to possibly be the most haunted road in America, this 10 mile stretch of road definitely has a sinister past. The road and the land around it have been known to be teeming with paranormal occurrences. It is said that if you drive down the road, you may encounter ghosts, witch gatherings, Satanists, the KKK or even strange creatures like hellhounds or mutated monkeys. It is also known to be a place where murderers have disposed of bodies in the surrounding woods- with one actual recorded case of this happening. In 1983, a body was found in the woods after a cyclist noticed vultures pecking at it. An autopsy revealed that the man had ice crystals in the blood vessels near his heart, suggesting that someone had tried to freeze the body before dumping it. It came out that he was someone who had affiliations with the Mafia. Later, Richard Kuklinski, aka “The Iceman”, confessed to the murder. Some well-known ghost sightings involve a young boy at a bridge who apparently was struck by a car and killed. Legend says that he will push anyone who looks over the edge into the water in order to save them from being run over like he was. There are also accounts of phantom vehicles, specifically a black pick-up truck that will tail you and flash its headlights before completely disappearing. Other ghosts include two park rangers who died on the job in 1939 and a girl driving a Camaro who died in a car crash in 1988. Whether you’re a believer in the paranormal or not, I think most would agree that driving down Clinton Road at night would be one of the creepiest things one could experience.

Virgo: White Hill Mansion, Fieldsboro NJ- This mansion was constructed over 250 years ago. Robert Field, a successful merchant, decided to settle down in New Jersey. This proved to be more of a curse than a blessing as he drowned in the Delaware River under mysterious circumstances in 1775. After his death, he left his young wife, Mary Field, to care for the 600 acre property on her own. Mary raised her 3 children in the home throughout the Revolutionary War. She tried to remain impartial, however there were many times when her house was invaded and searched. Over the years many people have lived in the mansion, including senators, rum runners, prostitutes, inventors, and by the early 1920s the house was converted into an upscale restaurant. Over the years, workers began to notice strange things happening at the mansion. Many visitors reported seeing a shadow man who lurked near the basement and would then disappear. Disembodied voices are very frequent according to people who have visited the mansion. Other phenomena include phantom sounds of children playing in the nursery and footsteps going up and down the stairs at night. There is also supposedly a ghost of a former servant who identified herself during an EVP session and is known to be very talkative and enthusiastic about interacting with visitors. During restoration efforts, over 30,000 artifacts were found that suggest the mansion was built atop an ancient Native American settlement which some believe may contribute to the paranormal activity.

Libra: Trenton Psychiatric Hospital, Trenton, NJ- This hospital, originally named New Jersey State Lunatic Asylum, opened in 1848 and held a mere 86 patients. The first superintendent of the hospital, Horace Buttolph, provided excellent care for his patients and was a good man. Then, Dr. Henry Cotton took over in 1907 and the horror began. He believed that infection caused mental illness, so to test his theories he would remove his patient’s teeth, tonsils, limbs, testicles, ovaries, gall bladders, colons, stomaches, spleens, cervixes, or any other body part that had the slightest sign on infection. This was done often against the consent of the patient and the family of the patient. Some psychiatrists questioned his work, however the New Jersey State Senate approved of his treatments. He would continue to kill his patients until 1930, when he retired. Only after his death in 1933 would his work be reviewed to find that his medical procedures killed 45% of his patients. Thousands of others were left permanently mutilated. The most common ghost sighting at the asylum is Dr. Cotton himself, who people have claimed seeing roam the hallway near his old office wearing a white doctor’s coat. People have also reported hearing disembodied voices, mainly muffled screams and moans as well as being touched. Orbs have been caught on camera, each having a strange blue glow to them. There are also claims of seeing patients without limbs, or the limbs themselves on old medical tables before suddenly disappearing. 

Scorpio: Greystone Park Psychiatric Hospital, Morris Plains NJ- Originally known as New Jersey Lunatic Asylum, this hospital opened in 1876 and housed over 7,500 patients. Overcrowding was definitely an issue. The building was made to house only around 1,500 people. The patient population peaked in the 1950s with the return of WWII soldiers who had PTSD. Greystone adopted controversial treatment for its patients, regularly administering Insulin shock therapy and electroconvulsive therapy to the veterans. In the 1970s and 1980s, deinstitutionalization became more popular and the hospital officially closed its doors in 2003. There had always been much bad press about the hospital, including stories of patient suicides, patient on patient violence, the sexual assault of patients and a twice-convicted rapist escaping from the hospital. Since it’s shutting down, many people have gone and explored the old abandoned building. People have reported feeling watched and “not being able to get out quick enough”, especially in the dark underground tunnels beneath the hospital which were used to transport dead bodies. There are also a few accounts of seeing full-bodied apparitions in the windows as well as in the shower area in the basement. The building was demolished in 2015. 

Sagittarius: Burlington County Prison, Mount Holly NJ- This prison operated from 1811 to 1965. It was known for public hangings and also housed some notorious people, including “The Boston Strangler” (Albert DeSalvo). The prison was known to use thinner than average rope, which led to prolonged suffering.  One of the first executions there was the hanging of a man named Joel Clough who, in 1833, stabbed Mary W. Hamilton, a woman he was obsessed with. On July 26, 1833, he was hanged and buried on the grounds of the prison. He is said to haunt the dungeon, a room where he was kept leading up to his death. People have reported hearing the chain that originally held him rattle as well as hearing moaning and feeling cold spots. A murder also took place in the prison basement in 1920. One night when a guard went to deliver medicine to a prisoner, the prisoner struck him with an iron rod and killed him instantly. The prisoner then went to the kitchen and murdered another prisoner who was on cooking duty. People have reported seeing a shadow in the corridor where the guard was murdered. There are also claims of seeing a figure underneath the stairs. Other paranormal occurrences include disembodied voices and screams and workers have claimed their tools get moved around or go missing. Many people say they feel like they’re constantly being watched and some have even claimed that they’ve felt someone touching them. 

Capricorn: Lambertville High School, Lambertville NJ- This high school was built in 1854. In 1926, much of the building had been destroyed by a fire caused by arson but was later remodeled and rebuilt in 1927. More tragedy struck the school in 1935 when a boy from a rival high school (New Hope Buckeyes) was killed while playing the traditional “Turkey Bowl” football game. His neck broke after a particularly rough tackle and his head had almost completely turned around. The parents of the boy who was killed petitioned that football was too dangerous and that New Hope should give it up. New Hope still does not have a football team to this day. His spirit is said to linger on the grounds of the school. People have reported seeing a ghostly figure in the windows. Legend says that if you challenge the Buckeye on the old overgrown football field, a strange mist will form and you will suddenly see something charging at you. The school was closed down in 1955 as it had become too small and outdated for the growing area. The building then became a popular hang out for teenagers who would regularly go and get drunk. Allegedly, two teenage boys died under unexplained circumstances while visiting the building. In 2012, the old high school was demolished however visitors who have gone after the fact claim that they still feel cold spots and get an uneasy feeling when standing in the spot where the building once stood. Some have also said that they’ve seen the apparition of the boy who was killed.

Aquarius: Gates of Hell, Clifton NJ- The Gates of Hell drain stands out from the others nearby because of its square shape and also because it has no water flowing in or out of it. There is a ladder inside which allows visitors to climb in and explore the connecting drains. Reportedly, the drains go hundreds of feet underground and has 7 layers. They are said to be filled with the remains of satanic sacrifices including bones, decaying carcasses, crosses and more. It is rumored that the drains used to be frequently used by satanic worshippers and the KKK because of it’s concealed nature. There is also supposedly a deep underground room that is used to summon the devil. There are tales of people drowning in the drains while trying to explore them. People have reported hearing faint chanting, faint footsteps and thumps as well as seeing dark figures in the distance. The entrance of the drain as well as some of the inside is covered in graffiti, some of it being satanic. If you ever decide to visit this place, be careful and don’t go too far deep because many are known to have gotten lost in the complex draining tunnels. 

Pisces- The Grenville Hotel, Bay Head NJ- Opening in 1890, this hotel was known as one of the most luxurious summer hotels that populated the shore. It is still in operation today, and many guests have checked out with stories to tell. Both guests and employees report hearing the sound of children playing and laughing as well as seeing people dressed in period clothing. There are claims of hearing stomping down empty hallways and footsteps in unoccupied rooms. Many guests have said that they have seen imprints on their bed, as if someone was sitting or lying there. One guest even claimed that they saw a man in a dark suit with a top hat one night in their bathroom, who then suddenly disappeared. Later that night, their doorknob wouldn’t stop rattling. Another guest claimed to see a woman in a white dress in their room at night walking towards their bed. The owner says that all of the supposed ghosts are friendly. The third floor is supposedly the most haunted floor, specifically rooms 303 and 304 where disembodied voices can frequently be heard. Some believe the ghosts to be that of the former owners and possibly a guest who perished shortly after the hotel was first opened. 

Pennsylvania

(Let me know what state I should research next...)

[jenna347-blog]

The Creep from the Bayou

(Puts the digital camera on the picnic table showing to be June 22, 2005. 5:24 AM).

Ok, if you guys are watching this it means I’m already or going to die anytime now. My name is Kathy, the only and maybe the last one to die. I just wanted to warn people about the dangers of these swaps, not just that… (Leaves crackling). Oh, my god! I think he knows where I’m at hang on. Ok, I think he has gone now, hopefully, you guys can hear me. I have to whisper because I know he may hear me. Here is how it went down, but I need to be quick about my story. It started on June 15th, I only thought to take my friends to the bayou for a summer vacation-type trip. There was me, Jason, Jane, Kerry, Lisa, Tavon, and Jane were going to stay at a nice cabin in the middle of the bayou. I’ll show you guys the rest of the tape. "Hey everyone, this is Jane, and the crew. Thought it'll be cool to steal Kathy's camera, so everyone will know what kind of fun we're having plus she's the ones whose driving, so yea that's the real reason. Here are our friends Jason, Kerry, Lisa, and Tavon not just friends, but also our classmate’s people." She’d said while poking me, obviously wanting me to say something, maybe something dumb knowing her. "Tell our fans about our great and scary stories about the bayou, we all know you’re such a know it all. Right?" Jane said, putting her hand out with the camera in the other acting like it was a mic. "Well, there was a man named ‘the creep’, who was some type of serial killer. They had claimed that there were about the same number of people as us going to the bayou for a summer vacation to be never seen again. There's a rumor that he usually takes his victims to his cabin basement to chop them up into little pieces. I heard that he'll eat them and saves their limbs in his basement freezer for later. For some reason, no one could catch him and all the people that were missing were never found again, and it's been more than 60 years. I think that the reason why he or the missing people were never found was that, maybe, the police were in on the whole thing. Not just them either, but the vacation agent was in on it too, so they could get money out of it and maybe just trick people like us into coming out here if they want to get rid of them. Like, if they were criminals or people they just didn't like, but who knows I might just be talking out of my ass, don't let my stories get you bitching out of this trip." "Well thank god it's not real. Please tell me it isn't true, girl." Lisa laughed, a worried note in her tone. "Maybe it's true or maybe not. Just makes sure you watch yourself, because you never know what may happen. We shouldn't worry though, we all came here to have some fun." Was the reply, followed by soft giggling. But I thought it could be a true story, just didn't want to worry my friends about anything or show even little bit of fear, but any who, we finally arrived at our nice cabin in the bayou. But, we didn't know that this was a 4-star type of camp site as the prices were a lot cheaper than the place looked like they should be, but I guess for more people to rent a room or two. So, I told the group that I wanted to sign us in to our rooms, the front desk woman looked like some nasty ass hag and it was kind of weird for her to look like that when the place looked like a resort. But hey, you got to do what you must do to get that money, right?  “Welcome to the Bayou camp! How can I help you?" The camp associate happily asked.  "Oh yes, I had reservation with you guys for Kathy Thompson." I replied while the associate typed my name in. "Here we go, so where you and your party are from?" "I'm from here, but my friends are from New York City, they're classmates. This is their first time being in the Bayou." "Great! I hope you guys have an exciting time here, but I'd hope they know about the creep, y'know?" "Oh, yes they do, but they thought it was a fairy tale. Well, that's everyone been telling me all my life.” “Oh, no my child.  That story is a true one indeed, so you better watch your step. Also try to be more aware of your surroundings, you never know what may be lurking around these parts. There's been more killings in the last month or so, but I don't want to scare you and your friends and make you start running off, you may have nothing to worry about as long as I'm around. You and your friends have a great vacation now, you hear." But I didn't know that something may happen to us. I just wish we’d gotten our refund and drove back home, but you know college kids don't know any better, we just want to do what we want to do. (Shakes my head). So, we went to our cabins and thought we could make this work and do a camp fire story, maybe a scary one. "Hey guys, who wants to do one of Kathy's famous scary stories telling?" Jane said while rubbing her hands together in a creepy way, with a scary smile to match. I'd never seen her like that, but I thought it may be a good thing, so I decided to keep the scary mood going. I'm glad that I met her because she knows how to keep someone in a scared or happy mood. "So, we going to do this scary story thing or just sit here bored as hell?" Tavon asked with his arms crossed. “You guys know we can count on our girl Kathy for all the scary stories, right girl? I mean, like when she tells the story like the one in the car, she’ll make you pee your pants in half. " Jane replied. Before I could get my 2 cents in, we heard some leaves crunching outside near the kitchen. "What the fuck was that you guys?" Lisa asked while peeking through the blinds. We all looked at her like ‘bitch really?’ So, if I just told her that it could be just the wind. "Really? Since when does wind sound like that? It sounded like foot steps to me. Maybe we need to call the front desk to see if anyone else checked it before us." "You freak out over the craziest things, ever." Jason laughed at Jane. "Oh, shut up you know it's not because I'm scared just trying to have some common-sense dude." "Jane, we can go out there and see whose outside, okay?" I told her, so she could feel better. Like we thought, we didn't see a damn thing, so we decided to call the front desk to see if anyone worked or was staying there at all, but it was unlikely that they had anyone else. So, when I called the front desk to ask if there had been any people around before or during when she had checked in the cabin. Unfortunately, she said something that we didn’t wanted to hear. She told me that, maybe we had the creep lurking around the area but ‘hopefully he’s not going to hurt you in any way.’ The only thing she could say was, “Make sure to keep a look out to make sure he isn’t doing anything crazy, and just make sure you guys lock your doors and windows, now, you hear.” “Could I ask you one more thing before we go back to the cabin?” “Sure dearie. What’s on your mind?” She replied with her hands crossed over. “How well do you know this so-called creep? And if you know him/her well, tell me more of a back story then what you’ve already told me.” “Oh well, that’s the thing if I told you it wouldn’t be any fun, now would it. Let’s say maybe I do or maybe I don’t, like I said beforehand you better hit the hay before ye get way too tired now. Now go on and get, you hear. Oh, yea have a great night and stay, don’t let the bed bugs bite.” Man, I didn’t know what to believe anymore, that woman alone was creepy by herself. I don’t know why, but I truly think she knows more than she’s leading on, well, that should’ve been obvious. Well, we decided to walk back to the cabin, then half way there, our neighbor came out to see us. “Hey, I know we haven’t met before, but you may want to watch your back because there’s been a man lurking around both of our cabins for a while now. Just wanted to let you guys know, because I saw you guys go to the front desk trying to tell that ugly creepy woman what’s been going on, but she’ll only give you the run around these parts.” He explained. “What do you mean, what does she know?” Kerry asked. “Let’s go to my cabin and I’ll tell you everything that you needed to know.” I told my friends that I didn’t feel right about this guy, something about him didn’t sit right with me, but thought that maybe it was just me being paranoid, maybe way too much. “Ok, so where should we start besides that creepy lady, just hope she doesn’t bring that creep around. I can’t say but too much, but I think she has cameras around the camp.” “What do you mean cameras around here?” Jason replied. “Well, they say that front desk lady and the creep actually know each other and that they planted cameras around here, so they could study their guest on each move. Not just that, they make us stay forever, with all the paperwork she told you to sign. I hope you read it before you signed it, did you?” “Yea, my dumbass didn’t read the fine print of it just filled out my name that’s all I did.” I replied, most likely with a dumb look upon my face, my hand on the back of my head. “Maybe he’s going to tell us that if we sign it that means they own our souls and they’re crazy demon loving cannibal fools right. HA! HA!” Jason said. “Your half right Jason, and yes I know you name because you can’t keep your mouth shut at all, loud mouth. Yes, they’re hungry beast loving minions that were brought here to make sure they kill any living creature they want. First, they lure their victims to the cabins to make people think that the stay would be a great one, not knowing that they were being trapped here of their own free will. She has the creep to stalk her victims for a week, then after a week has passed they go for the kill. They may be planning on how to kill you guys now because you know way too much. If I was you guys, I'd be watching my back on all times. If you need backup, I’m always here. No matter what, you know where to get me.” The guy replied. Before I got to ask what, his name was, he somehow just disappeared without a trace, not just that, Tevon noticed that there were no foot prints on the ground. We all thought that was kind of weird that a person couldn’t leave any foot prints at all. “What the fuck is going on here you guys? We shouldn’t have come here at all. I hope this is a prank that Kathy is putting us on, because this isn’t funny dude.” Tevon said while having his hands behind his head and pacing back and forth. “No, I didn’t do any of this at all, I’d never prank anyone.” “Yea. Tevon I could’ve told you that she’s never been the type of person who'd treat her friends this way, so you guys don’t have to worry about either of us tricking you.” Jane replied. “Well, we need to figure out what we’re going to do and fast. I just don’t want to become their next freaking meal, so we may want to go back to the cabin. Something just doesn’t feel right, seems like someone or something is watching us, coming from near the front desk.” (Going back into cabin). “Maybe, like the guy was telling us, they thought that we knew too much and had found even more from him. I wish I’d just stayed home instead of getting caught up with some bullshit in the haunted bayou. But no, I had to be fun and exciting and have some friends that thought it’d be a great idea to go to a place that some crazy ass woman and her crazy ass “lover” wanted to make us into some human ass stew and have the rest of our body parts locked up in some basement freezer!” “Girl calm down, we can get through this, but maybe it’s just them trying to scare us so we could get a laugh out of this like part of the campsite.” Jason said. “Hopefully that’s the case Jason, we don’t know what will happen, but we need to protect ourselves to make sure we don’t get hurt by those weirdos.” I also told them to let me know if they see anything strange at all, happening to any of them. I was just worried that something was going to happen, I just knew it. Something always happens when someone is around me, I don’t know why though. So, most of us went outside while Jason stayed behind. I Gave them all walkie-talkies to stay in touch, and we were doing some testing to make sure everyone could hear each other clear enough, to make sure that we had each other backs. Then we heard something from the walkie-talkie, some creepy voice saying. “If you guys think you could get away from me, you have another thing coming. Your friend Jason is here with me all tied up, for some reason, he thought I was one of you guys. He’s so damn stupid he’ll make a really good soup for dinner for me and my family.” He explained, we could hear Jason trying to scream, but it seemed like he had something in his mouth. “Shut your fucking mouth boy!” (Boxes him in the jawline). “You let him go, don’t you worry Jason we’re coming for you.” Jane screamed, crying at the same time. We went back to the cabin to find that the nothing was out of place, it was like he just walked out taking the walkie-talkie with him, so we went to his bedroom and saw that his bed was made up and all his stuff was gone, like he was heading back home. “I don’t get it, they should be here. Check every room to make sure that creep doesn’t have any secret doors or something of that nature. I’ll go back to the front and let that crazy ass lady have a piece of my mind, and finally get to the bottom of this issue.” I told them while walking towards my car keys. But my keys weren’t there anymore, and after peeking outside, I saw that neither was my van. “What the fuck happened to the keys and the van?” “Kathy, what are you talking about? It was there when we left the cabin, it should be near the door. I thought you placed it there when we came back from the front desk.” Lisa gave me a very confused look while scratching her head. “Oh, come on. You really think the creep has done all of this and not stupid Jason pranking us all? I bet he made his voice seem so damn creepy and everything. But I do think we need to get the cops involved in this, I just don’t feel right about any of it.” Tevon said searching for his phone but he came back saying that he couldn’t even find it and none of us knew where it could be. “Damn, they knew we were going to call for help they must’ve taken our cell phones when we all stepped out to head for the front desk, because mine is gone as well. There has to be a way to get some help.” “I thought most places had their own landlines, maybe the front desk has one? Only way we’ll be able to get a hold of it is if she’ll be nice enough to let us use it or she’s stepped out. Only thing is I’m not going out there without the van, that crazy cannibal asshole might be out there and what if she’s not involved in this? Now she's in danger as well.” “Jane don’t worry, we can make it through this, alright? We just need to stick together as a family no matter what gets in our way. What we need to do is to make sure we find Jason and try to figure out what’s been going on. Also, Tevon, I know Jason would never do anything like this and you should know that. If he were pulling a prank, it’d be obvious, because he’s not good at lying at all. So, all we need to do is show those freaks whose boss and not let them get away with this.” “But, Kathy we don’t where we should start with any of this.  I can’t believe I signed up for this, it’s like I just sold my soul to the devil (sigh).” Jane was very concerned, pacing back and forth. I tried to calm her down by saying “You've got to trust me on this one, don’t worry about any of this and stay strong because most people like that can smell fear like any other animal, okay? Now what I want you guys to do is to pair up and search for Jason. Make sure those two don’t get away with any of this, but like I said before, let me know if anything goes wrong at all, okay?” “Are you sure about this girl? Because you know how I feel about splitting up in the woods. You’re my friend and all, but I don’t know if we should be splitting up right now, y'know?” Kerry asked, biting her nails nervously. “I’m sure that we should split up, so that we can cover more ground than if we stuck together.” After our pep talk Tevon and Jane went one way while Kerry, Lisa, and I went another, taking two separate paths. Just hearing the crickets alone was creepy enough to have chills run down my spine. Plus, I kept hearing leaves rustling around and I knew it wasn’t from us. “Shut up you guys, do you hear that? I know I’m not going crazy.” “Well, yea girl, I think everyone, and their grandma heard that. It may just be the wind though, don’t worry about its girl let’s move forward okay?” Lisa explained.  “I guess you’ve got a point, you guys know how I tend to act around the woods.” I replied. “Don’t worry Kathy, you know that me and Kerry have your back. No matter what happens you can be sure of that, never get it twisted.” “Girl I think she gets the damn point. Let’s search for Jason and get the fuck out of here please even I want to take my words back about the woods. When we get back into town I think I’m going to need about 4-5 glasses of wine, or just the whole damn bottle.” I heard the same noise again, and we knew for sure that it wasn’t the wind after all. “I knew it wasn’t just the wind and it was someone sneaking around here.” (Screaming) “That sounds like the others! Oh my god we have to go back inside! You know, like sane smart people, that sounds really nice right now, or we could get the fuck out of here! That’ll be a lot better than what I just said.” “Yeah, I agree with her I don’t want to stand around anything or anyone that could kill my ass any longer than I have to.” “Kathy, we need your help, that creeper just got Jane and was about to get me but I’m hiding from him. Just back to the cabin that’s where I’m hiding at. I don’t know when he’ll be coming back, hopefully not anytime soon. Please just hurry!” “Ok, we’ll come back there just hang in there, let us know if you hear anything that doesn’t sound right while we're coming for you. Hide in a safe place in the cabin, with no windows.” (Hears a woman screaming for help) “Oh my god that could be Jane!” “Oh hell no. I’m going straight to the fucking cabin you guys can die if you want to, but I’m taking my ass back to the cabin and phoning for help. I don’t care what you morons say about it.” Lisa said while running towards to the cabin. “Wait up I’m coming with you girl.” “I thought we were sticking together.” I said, throwing my hands in the air. “Child please we were, but if you die we’ll miss your ass forever.” Lisa and Kerry had replied together laughing as well. Damn, screw this, I guess I have to follow them anyways. Like they said I’m not dying for anybody else don’t care who it is. As soon as I started to open the door, I heard Lisa and Kerry screaming from inside the house, so I started running to safety. I already knew they were dead meat, the rest of the crew too. I just didn’t want to be a part of the murder cabin, so I decided to hide beyond a couple of bushes, trying to see where that freak went off to. I was hoping he'd gone somewhere far away, so I could get the fuck out of here. I was left wishing I had never put my friends in danger, but there was no way for me to know that this was going to happen. I heard footsteps in the distance coming closer as I started to sweat bullets, and he was close enough that I could see what he looked like, but he still couldn’t see me. He looked so damn gross with his greasy rubbery skin, a misshapen body and it seemed like he was holding something in his hand and mouth. Then I realized the thing in his mouth was human flesh and some of it was hanging from his teeth. Damn, I couldn’t believe someone would do something so dang nasty, but a crazy person would do some whack ass shit like that. I sat down on the ground, my back towards him, trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do, I needed to make out of there alive. I cursed in my head as I thought that he started coming towards me, forcing me to figure out how to make a break for it. I had to sneak out of there before he saw me and made me his next meal. But instead of coming for me like I thought he was, he seemed to be going towards the cabin. I needed to find the closest car and hotwire it before he could get a hold of me. I caught sight of my van, nowhere near where I'd parked it and thought that maybe, just maybe, I could just start the engine, and get the fuck out of there. Then I could go to the police and get the crazy so-called couple locked up in the loony bin, hopefully forever. Thankfully he was far enough away that I could just go straight to my van. I tried to sneak towards the van.  (Leaves keep crackling with every step and he sees her.) “HEY BITCH COME HERE!” Fucking shit. Good thing the van wasn’t that far away from me, but I had to hide in another spot, close to the van, I was hoping that the keys are in or near the van. I cursed silently again as I saw the front desk building and wondered whether I could just lock it behind me, and maybe get some help from a police station or something. I snuck inside only to find the phone is off the hook, damn it. I didn't know what I should do. But then thought ‘Well, maybe I should hide under this desk, maybe it’ll help.’ “Go find her! We can’t let her get away and tell those freaking police, they may not believe a word she says but still. They never do believe them though, we just pay them off.” “Oh yes, but I love to play with our dinner, my darling. It makes for a better hunting experience. I heard him sniff around, probably for a trace of my blood, then he tells her that he found me in the front desk cabin. I realized that I had nowhere to hide, because if I went to the bathroom he’d see me through the window and I'd be just another sitting duck. I had to tell myself that I was going to be okay and that I was going to make it out of there alive. When I could hear nobody, I looked and could clearly see that the bathroom had a window, and thought that maybe I could just exit through that. So, I ran to the bathroom and found that the window was cracked opened. (Points the camera at me again.) So, yea now you know what happened to me and all my friends, but the only thing is I still don’t know what happened to my friends, so I’m going to figure out how to get the hell out of here. Get the police to find the rest of my friends. Oh, fuck hang on I may have to make a run for it. “Please don’t I beg of you.” “My wife would love to have you for dinner. HA! HA!” I made a break for it and luckily the car window was cracked open enough, so I could throw the damn camera inside. Fuck it I thought as I got in, hoping I could hotwire it and drive to safety, and I knew I should go back to get the others but felt I had to look after myself as well. “Oh fuck! He’s on my damn bumper, maybe I could get him off my tail. I know I shouldn’t be speeding but I don’t give a blood fuck right now, it’s either do it or fucking die. What the fuck is wrong with him?!” (He goes next to him about to slam her car off the road).  “Not today buddy, if you want to play that game let’s go for it.” Guess you can say I truly snapped for my dear life, like we all had said before, I had to stay alive for my friends. I slammed my car into his repeatedly, until he goes off the road then I speed off to the police dept. I couldn’t let my friends die all because I wanted to have a wonderful time with them. I didn't want to see them go, it was my damn fault, I know you guys don’t think so, because who would've known that this was going to happen, right? But at least I had proof about what this crazy couple has been up to and I didn’t want anyone else going through the same thing we had. So, after an hour of trying to find the closest police station, I finally found one. Thank god, maybe I could get them to find my friends at that crazy camp bayou. “Oh, my god! What the bloody hell happened to you?” Office Benson asked. “You know that Campground in the Bayou? Well, there’s some crazy couple and they’ve been killing all my friends, and more people were being eaten alive. Not just that, on the way here he tried to run me over with his pickup truck about 5-10 miles that way. I actually caught everything on tape just in case if my body was ever found.” I cried after telling the story, thanking god that he believed me, but the thing he told me next made me crap my pants. “Well, the thing is we’ve been trying to find that creep for a very long time, but every time we go out there nothing seems to be out of place. To us, it looked like a regular empty campground. If you have proof that this campsite is there, maybe we could finally get to the bottom of this.” “You knew about this and didn’t at least try to block it off?! You let people get killed one by one. How could any of you guys let them get away with murder.” I cried, wanting to whoop his freaking ass. “Look Ms. Kathy, let’s look at the video to see what really happened. I just need you to calm down okay and yes I know it’s kind of our fault, but we just didn’t know, we all just didn’t know this was really going on.” Officer Benson reassured me that they’d get it under control. So, I showed him and the other officers that were on duty that night. From the look of it all they couldn’t believe what was going on, and not just that, but how they could've missed any of this. After an hour of watching the video they had to act quickly before they missed them completely. I was worried about the cops knowing about the whole thing and were planning to take me back to make them their breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But what choice did I have? The only thing I could do was try to trust them anyways. What’s the worst that could happen? “Ok, we’ll follow you to make sure nothing else happens to you on the way there, okay Ms. Kathy. When you get out of your car we’ll hide behind the trees, we’ll be using you for bait.” “You think this is a great idea? Because you’re going to put me in more danger than my own friends.” I asked him while talking to him on his cellphone. “Don’t worry, we’ve got this under control. This will work, okay Kathy?” “Guess I have no other choice.” So, we started to head down there but to tell you guys the truth I was a tad bit scared of being live bait for this cop and had very real fears that the creep would just eat me alive. I could only hope that if that happens the cops will come after him before he starts making me his dessert and what not. Even though in my heart I knew I had to give my friends some justice and save their souls and all, but I was also having 2nd thoughts about the whole thing. I just wanted this whole thing to end and to go home to my own bed. But I had to make sure that this crazy ass fool falls for the plan without any problems, because my life is in their hands at this point. We finally got there, but for some reason I still thought it was a bad idea in the first place, but I had to believe that the cops knew what they were doing. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that they put a GPS tracking device on me to keep track of my every move from the station. The plan was that the guys still at the station would radio them to tell them where to follow me. They didn’t want me to just be wired, they wanted to prove that they had my back and could carry me back to safety. But I was whispering to them letting them know that I was ok. Then I heard something in the distance like some leaves crunching, I thought maybe it was him coming closer and briefly hoped so because I wanted to make sure we finally caught the asshole. At the same time, I didn’t want to give him any chances, because I didn’t know if the cops were going to catch up on time. I didn't want him to end up finishing me off like he did with my friends, and to have my body found in the freezer in some basement corner. I tried not to make any sounds while he came towards me, and as I hid behind the bushes, my life started to flash before my eyes. I felt like I couldn’t let this crazed maniac get to me, I had to be the hero. You know what? I freaking went for it, no holding back. “Hey, you creep, if you want some come get me!” “What the hell are you doing girl?” “Trust me this will work, just have to make sure he’ll fall for it.” I explained as quietly as possible. But the creep caught on to the whole operation, and with a manic laugh looked around at our surroundings. He laughed one more time, then came towards me with a crazy smile. “Oh, come on you think I’m that stupid girly. Not one of those stupid class-mates now, also make sure if you wanted to catch someone you shouldn’t let them know that you brought cops, that’s a stupid move. Maybe it’s time to kill.” He started chasing me with a rusty old ax, and I didn’t know if I was going to survive or not. Then I led the creep towards the cop cars, hoping that he wouldn’t catch on to it. After about 15 minutes of running in the woods, I finally found the area where they'd told me to go, so they could finally solve this long-time mystery. But I didn’t know that this was a trap for me to meet my demise. The creep stopped right behind me and when we finally got to the spot the police came out and started laughing. “Why are you guys laughing? What’s so damn funny?” “Oh, come on Kathy you really think we didn’t know about this entire thing the whole time? College kids are the dumbest morons that ever lived, it’s like you guys have no common sense whatsoever. Oh Larry, take care of her body would you, and save her body parts for us, I'm getting kind of hungry since I haven’t had anything to eat since lunch.” “Yes boss, anything for you. Oh yeah, I’ll make sure to call you after I’m done with her, and give you guys her friend’s bodies also.” The Creep replied, before he looked around, not realizing that I'd already run off with my car. My thoughts were whirling, ‘Can’t believe they’re so damn stupid, I may be able to go to the real police station this time.  Finally, I could leave all of this behind me, and have my life again, still can’t believe that all my friends are dead because of those evil people.’ Then I heard some sirens behind me from a distance. “Oh, crap, that could be those so-called police, I mean it could be somebody that could help me. But I’m not going to take that risk, I'm not stopping ‘til I get into the downtown police department.” Even though it was only 20 mins away, it felt like it took forever. As soon I ran into the door I thought I was going to trip over my shoes, and almost threw up because of all the chaos too. One of the officers that was near the door tried to pick me up and just like the other cops sat me down and asked what was going on. So, I told them everything that’d been going on, and thought they weren’t going to believe me. To my great surprise, they did but I had my own doubts because I couldn’t be sure that I could really trust these people. The “creep,” his wife and the fake cops would make it look like the cabins were the best vacation spot that anybody would dream of. Not just that but when anybody goes there they’re going to meet their own personal hell. I mean they were working together to make sure the creep could make me their next meal, so that the “so-called police officer” could have their own personal human meat, the Creep was their personal butcher. I was trying to figure out everything that was going on, but I was also trying to get this thing over with. I should’ve just gone back home but I also wanted to find some type of justice in all of this. Because I didn’t want another person to deal with the same thing that me and my lost friends had to go through. I wouldn’t wish this on even my worst enemy, having them second-guessing that every person they meet is just freaking crazy. “So, what should I do now? Because all I want to do is go home but at the same time I want these people to end up in prison for life or get the death sentence, either would work for me” While my hand was over my face I was crying my heart out, shaking my head. Even though he kept talking about the issue all I heard was Blah Blah, and I looked at him with a blank stare acting like I knew what he was talking about, but I think he kind of figured that something wrong with me. “Are you okay ma’am, you’re acting like you’re not all there.?” I finally snapped out of it. “Oh yes, just thinking about something no biggie.” “Ok, just making sure. But anyways, we really need to get these people behind bars for good no matter what. Now what I want you to do is to stay safely put, and what we’re going to do is get an undercover officer to catch those psychopaths, we won’t let those people get away with it. We will get your friends some type of justice.” He explains while giving me a hug. “You don’t know how much this means to me sir. I thought this was never going to end.” The undercover cops go to the so-called camp, I thought this was a great idea, but at the same time thought they were putting someone else’s life in danger. What do I have to lose right? It’s either take their word for it or let those demons and dirty cops get away with a close to 20 years murder spree. About an hour later, I left thinking what was taking so long to hear from them. I thought that maybe they already killed them. Even when we tried to call in for them we got no answer. But we spoke too soon when the Creeper answered the call. “Well, hello coppers. You truly thought you could’ve caught me? Right oh, you thought wrong my fellow men. Yes, we were hired by fellow police officers from the next town over. Just so dang glad that we could do anything we wanted to those missing people, just didn’t think that anyone else could get to us or figure out the details of the situation. Guess we thought because the police department was in on it we could never get caught, because who are people going to believe, our toys or the police? Guess you already know that answer, and oh yea I know that you’re going to track the call, but we’re already 2 steps ahead of you. The reason I say that is, well, I shouldn't be telling you that, over and out peace.” The Creep explained, and I could imagine the creepy smile on his face. I looked the other officers like what the actual fuck we were going to do at all. “We have to act fast before those crazy people hurt anybody else, we can’t just wait and see what else happens. I can’t go through my whole life knowing that I could’ve done at least something, it’ll drive me freaking crazy ‘til my deathbed.” Even though all I wanted to do was to go home, I needed my friends to finally rest in peace and get some damn justice for all those poor people lives that they had destroyed.  After arriving at the wooded area, I just wanted to make this quick it was so very dark, much darker than the last time I was here. Even though it was the same night and creepier, I truly didn’t want to do this at all. Then I heard someone getting closer, and one of the cops put his hand near my shoulder telling me to stop, checking the area trying to make sure that the coast was clear. “Okay I don’t hear anything else, guess the coast is clear.” “Are you sure sir?” I asked as I was scared out of my ass, he nods his head, and assured me that nothing was going to happen to me.  About 20 minutes after trying to find the place, then we heard the footsteps again but this time it was behind us and it was getting closer and closer. When we tried to make sure everyone was safe on the walkie-talkie, no one replied even after 2-3 times of trying. We were worried that the creeper had kidnapped them, but couldn’t waste any more time worrying about them. One of them had found the house that we were looking for, hopefully it’s the lost people that we were looking for and can finally rest in peace, but it could also be a trap. The reason why I said that was because it was way too easy for the other officer to find it, like he knew where it was located, even though I shouldn’t be worried about it. They couldn’t be like the other so-called “cops” that I came across, but I had to make sure not to let my guard down about the cop that pointed out the old empty house. It looked like it hadn’t been active with people for years, I didn’t even know if it’d be safe for me to go in, so I decided to stay behind with the others just to be safe and just in case I had to run back to my car and bolt out of there to head home. Not just that, but there was something that didn't sit right with me about the cop who pointed out the house, I guess it was a gut feeling, if you want to call it that. Not even a minute after they went into the house, we heard some guns firing and screams, then heard the Creeps laughter, mixed with the sounds of a chainsaw. We tried to head behind a bunch of trees and bushes. Then silence, but they told us to not make a sound, or any type of movement unless something bad happened. So, I stayed behind a tree and didn’t make a peep, doing so, for some reason, made it seem longer than it should’ve. What in the hell had I got myself into? I should’ve never gotten my friends into this damn mess and I could never forgive myself either. Then one of the officers’ chimes into the walkie-talkie. “I think we’re all cleared Sheriff.” “Are you sure about that bubba? because I truly don’t want to go through this again.” With a nervous tone in his voice while shaken. “Sure, as the sky is pitch black.” The Sheriff wasn’t sure if he should believe him, because that officer's voice didn’t sound right, it was way too deep.  Then he looks at me with a worried look on his face. “I don’t think that’s one of my officers.” “What do you mean by that? You think it’s the creeper or something?” “Could be. we just have to find out, but it does sound like the creeper.” He also wanted to go into the sketchy house to find out if his officers were alright or not. I thought he had lost his damn mind, but didn't see what choice we had. So, we all went in there and seems like he didn’t think this through. Not even a minute after we entered there was a loud bang from upstairs. They told me to stay behind while they went upstairs to find out what the noise was. Then another loud noise occurred about 4 minutes after, as they were going up, and 2 more stumps follow. I felt uncomfortable at this point and I didn’t want to go up there, because I felt like this could’ve been a trap. So, I leaned over to the other officers and whisper. “Do you think they’re making a good decision? The reason why I’m asking this is I truly think this could be a trap, correct me if I’m wrong sir.” “Don’t worry ma’am Sheriff knows what he’s doing, if anything goes wrong he’ll make sure it gets done sooner, better than anybody that I know of.” The officer replied while assuring me that everything would be ok and not to worry. Then there was a scream from one of the rooms, then silence as we all looked at each other, not knowing what to think. So, they went upstairs to give them some backup and then more screams follow. I’d had enough of this BS, so I ran off to my car and sped off back home, as far as I was concerned, that freak could have this crazy ass campsite. On the way home, some asshole puts his blinding high beams on. I thought ‘oh my fricking god you can’t be serious.’ Then the car comes beside me from the driver side. I realize that it’s the same person that tried to ram my car before.  “You know what?! You’re a fucking bastard! I’m tired of playing with you.” So, I started to ram my car into his, while he’s laughing his ass off. “Oh, you think you could defeat me, lady?! You must be fucking high!” Then an oncoming car speeding towards me, I knew this was going to be the end for me and my whole life flashed in front of my face once again. The car rams into mine head-on, while “The Creeper” stops his car just like the other driver. They both start laughing in a manic tone. “You did a good job Creeper, by bringing us our next tasty meal. It could last us close to a year, maybe.” One of the backstabbing cops said while patting him on the back. “Oh, no problem my dear brother. That’s what family does, now let’s tell the rest of the family about it and let the feast begin right.” It’s been 20 years since the incident and none of the people have been found. The videotape was never recovered, and the campsite remained untouched.

[clonerightsagenda]

ok so some thoughts on trauma in Stranger Things

I’ve posited before, though perhaps not on this blog, that the demogorgon and the gate in season one were manifestations of Eleven’s emotions. The gate opens when she’s upset, and even though the demogorgon technically existed before that, it shows up to attack Brenner once she admits verbally that he’s bad, and when she banishes it she says “no more” almost like she’s talking to herself - and the banishment sucks her into the Upside Down too.

I had already held this belief before, but season 2 made it more obvious by placing Kali’s talk (your trauma is festering and growing) over Eleven facing the much larger gate.  But while the gate clearly connects to Eleven’s trauma (it’s at the site where she was imprisoned and tortured) I don’t think the demodogs could all represent her this time around. There are just too many. So I think they might represent everyone’s.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been in Homestuc/k hell for too long where everyone’s trauma got retconned away or ignored, but I was honestly surprised when the show addressed that in this season. Joyce’s extra level of possessiveness. Barb’s parents still looking. Hopper’s leftover hangups about having a daughter. Eleven locked away. Will’s lingering flashbacks (or flash sideways.) And most notably, Nancy. Nancy really threw me, because let’s be honest - Barb was a redshirt sacrificed to the plot. But she was important to Nancy, and Nancy remains grief-stricken, guilt-ridden, and determined to do something. I was really impressed that the show let her have those feelings instead of being like new season!! new problems!!! In Stranger Things season 2, trauma may at first seem small and manageable, like a tiny lizard that you can let into your home and keep in a cage. But it grows bigger and bigger and starts devouring everything else. It’s a blight sending tendrils everywhere under the ground, a possessing force that makes you into someone you don’t recognize anymore. 

By the end of the season, Eleven closes the rift, and... some things may be getting better. Hawkins Lab took a fall. Barb’s parents have closure. Eleven has a new life. But there are still a lot of people with a lot of baggage, some from the events of the latest season, some from earlier. And until they truly deal with that, I think the Upside Down will continue to lurk a blink of an eye away. 

[fromtheground39-blog]

10 Years of Gaming PCs - 2009 - 2014 (Part 1)

let's open with the most important thing to take away from this video simply switching on incognito mode or private browsing - is not enough to keep your data safe online. Also, just because you aren't doing anything illegal doesn't mean that no one is after your personal information and that there's no benefit to staying private thing is guys these days pretty much everyone and their dog is out to get your browsing data and that's not tinfoil hat Paranoid delusional stuff. The main reason is that companies and other organizations like political parties, want your eyeballs glued to their message and the data that they get from your behavior online helps by giving them an advantage when they serve up those juicy ads everywhere that you frequent. The good news is that staying private online is actually less difficult than you might think and pretty much anyone can do it. So, let's go through some easy strategies, starting with one of our favorites using a VPN like private Internet access. For those of you new to VPN or virtual private networks, they take in your data encrypt. It then send it through their network of servers before forwarding it to the destination country of choice. When the VPN sends your data out into the world towards the intended destination, it decrypt the data and makes it look like the data originated from that exit point rather than your computer, so whether you're torrenting or looking up content that might generate embarrassing ads in your Browser the next time someone sits down at your computer. We consider a VPN an essential part of staying safe online with that said, while a VPN does secure your data in some ways making it so, your ISP can't tell what you're doing and allowing you to circumvent. Most firewall blocks when your information leaves the VPN network, it's all still there and can be used to track you. So a VPN is just one of the tools in our belt. Now, let's talk about the onion router or tor, as some of you know, it we've actually covered tor before, but summary version goes a little something like this. The Onion Router isn't a physical router like you'd, think of plugging in in your home. Rather, it's an internet networking protocol, that's integrated into the Tor web browser and it's designed to anonymize the data relayed across it. So it keeps your online activity anonymous by encasing your traffic in multiple layers of encryption, then sending it through a number of nodes that peel back those layers one at a time. This makes it difficult, if not impossible, for snoops to see your webmail search, history and other online activity now tor is also imperfect and leaves us vulnerable until our traffic reaches its network. That'S why we're using our PI a VPN to mask that initial jump now thing is using a VPN, can actually lead to issues if you are specifically being hunted by some government agency, because your traffic will have a predictable exit point. But for most people, whose goal is to thwart more casual surveillance and advertisers, this vulnerability isn't that important, now incognito mode which, by the way, isn't useless, plus a VPN and tor, is pretty good and probably enough for most people. But since we're going for the ultimate private set up, we're going to take things a step further with our secret weapon, the hey there, it is super secure, password. The linux-based tails is the operating system equivalent of your weird uncle after too many drinks. It'S designed to forget everything it ever heard or saw. The entire OS is built around the Tor protocol and runs all Internet traffic through the Tor network, not just your browser traffic. One of the other key benefits of tails is that the OS essentially runs off of your computer's RAM. So once you turn off the system poof any data that was lingering on it is gone and there's nothing to your identity to the last browsing session. Another advantage of this solution is that you can take it with you and launch it on nearly any computer with a USB port. So then, now we are ready to browse the web anonymously. Almost the first thing, you'll, probably notice about the tor browser, is how similar it looks to firefox and that's not by accident. It'S because it is Firefox just set up to use the Tor protocol and that's nice, because it makes configuring all these little tweaks pretty familiar and straightforward. So in no particular order, regardless of our browser choice, we want to make sure that JavaScript can't run. We want to install the privacy badger extension to stop trackers and provide ad blocking, and we want to set our default search engine to DuckDuckGo, for what I hope would be fairly obvious reasons. So then, now we are fully ready to both browse the web and stick it to the man. At the same time, let's do a few tests here to see what that looks like so. We'Ve got two machines for our side-by-side test: a completely vanilla one running Windows and using Google, and then our tails Linux, one with the https://www.debate.org/routerhost/ tor browser. Now. Something to note is that we're not actually using a VPN on either of these machines, because here we're trying to get a representation of the worst case scenario, and here P ia actually doesn't recommend using their VPN from within tails. Although they do have a free proxy included with your account, which they do say, could be a good idea depending on what it is you're trying to achieve. So, let's go ahead and search for Expedia. Ok, first hit is expedia.com this one Expedia dot CA. So immediately. Our location has been anonymized and also Expedia blocked us from even accessing their site. That'S cute did we know that was gonna happen. Expedia blocks tour. Let'S try a different provider. We can't tell if you're a human, I'm human Xperia t3. It'S like pretty sure. I'M a bot hey, taking it sweet time, three freakin CAPTCHAs, no we're good all right. Let'S find a friggin flight here, New York departing tomorrow. Okay, let's do a quick search matter. Ch now we haven't actually been researching flights and hotels, so there may not be much benefit in terms of pricing to anonymizing any of this, but there's only one way to find out all right, so we're looking at 699 dollars, Canadian round trip and 347 pounds. Let'S do a quick conversion. There 556, I just saved a hundred and forty five dollars. This is the same damn flight and it's over a hundred dollars. Cheaper includes taxes and fees, including taxes and fees, yep, yep, yep, apples to apples. You have ear to ear. First Expedia hates Canadians now, let's click to read more do another fun little test. Let'S go to what is my IP comm, that is, in fact our IP and over here my public IP is some nonsense. I'Ve never seen or heard of before, and I'm apparently based in Bessel bsch, where the devil is that Switzerland. Now, let's do another fun little test, let's go on a popular shopping website like say newegg.com. Now, let's shop for let's say video cards, maybe a rock phantom Radeon, seven, what's a site with really really obnoxious ads. What'S that one that, based in Australia, that's like super obnoxious, tweaked out tweaked out thanks, Luke, alright, and let's have a look at what kind of ads are lurking for us on the page ho ho? What do we have here, Vancouver to London Vancouver to New Delhi? Vancouver to Lima and Vancouver to San Salvador shockingly, they didn't manage to come up with any graphics cards ads which was sort of what I was going for here. But I think we've made our point as for this. Well, it looks like they're not getting any ad revenue from us, which, of course, we feel pretty badly about as an ad-supported enterprise ourselves. But at the very least, we are not being tracked across the internet, which is the only reason that we enabled the ad blocking on this particular one. In the first place, you can of course, anonymize your browsing significantly without blocking ads altogether, just saying so for fun. We'Re gonna disable, both privacy, badger and you block origin and reload this page. So there's our ads, but as you can see, they are completely irrelevant. So we've got some scarlet audio interfaces in whatever language. This is an ad for the stream deck excel. That'S an English at least an ad for Corsairs hydroxy Rees liquid cooling. So there you go so that was a pretty compelling demonstration of the benefits of private browsing, but it has some clear disadvantages as well. Now this machine on the right is actually faster than the one on the left, but you guys might have noticed that browsing from within tales using the tor browser was slow as hell. That'S because the more hops you go through the more latency you're, adding to the connection, also some of the creature comforts that we've gotten used to on the modern web. Things like shopping carts that remember all the things that you added to them or websites that remember that you logged into them, so you don't have to enter your password every time that stuff ain't gonna work over here also something to bear in mind guys is That no matter what you do, it is going to be imperfect. This was fairly basic guide and privacy. Browsing is a rabbit, hole and a half. Furthermore, even on a properly set up machine, while you're browsing and searching and almost all of your internet usage might be basically invisible. Nothing is bulletproof because the weakest point in the entire chain exists between the keyboard and the chair. You and I are human and we are nothing if not creatures have had it, and if someone is trying to find you, your habits are likely to end up being the thing that gives you away with. All of that said, though, for the vast majority of use cases following either of the methods that we laid out here, should obscure your data footprint enough to make it nearly useless for advertisers and other parties. Speaking of advertisers. This video is brought to you by PI, a private intern. Private Internet access supports a variety of VPN protocols and types of encryption and authentication allowing you to dial in the level of privacy that you need. They'Ve got apps for Windows, Mac, OS Android, Linux and Google. Chrome and you can connect up to five devices at once, using a single account. Their apps include DNS leak, protection and ipv6 leak protection, as well as their internet kill switch feature which blocks all traffic if the VPN becomes disconnected unexpectedly so check it out today. At LM GGG, /, p ia, we're gonna have that links down below. So thanks for watching guys, if this video sucked, you know what to do, but if it was awesome hit like get subscribed or maybe consider checking out where to buy the stuff we featured at the video description link below also down there is our merch store. It has a cool shirts like this one join our community forum. It looks like that or like that, if you're in the tor browser well

[thejokersenigma]

Joker x Reader Deadly Voice Part 31

Hello guys,

Ok here is the next part - I apologise it’s very long (over 5,000 words) but I sort of knew where i wanted to stop it and I wrote a bit too much in between! haha

I also apologise for the quality of writing - I wrote it at about 1am last night so its not great but im sick of reading it over and over as i try to edit it so I’m just going to post and maybe one day I’ll come back and try and fix it!

At least its readable!

Hope you guys enjoy anyway! :)

Masterlist

Frost drove us through the streets of Gotham - familiar landmarks flying past us as we sped through the centre and out the other side, heading into the poorer area of the city where I had – wisely - never ventured. If anyone had felt – like most did – that the rest of Gotham was dangerous, then they had no idea about this place. This was place was never safe to be walking around on your own – night or day - especially if you didn’t carry some sort of firearm or knife or a least didn’t know how to one.

Having never been here I peered out of my window in curiosity and was quite amazed by the sights. Every building appeared to be in some state of disrepair, whether it was broken piping, smashed windows, broken doors or wall literally falling down. We passed bungalows, rows of terraced house and high rising flats, all riddled with graffiti and looked in serious need of TLC - judging by the stained walls and boarded windows. The people that lurked on the streets didn’t help the scenery much either. They seemed to favour forming groups outside the entrances of the more derelict buildings, most of them men that just seemed to scream dangerous - most smoking, some with guns cradled in their arms on alert, others with pistols tucked into their belts.

I shrunk back into my seat, glad I was in the relative safety of the car and had Frost sat across from me – though I wasn’t sure he could take on the whole neighbourhood. We remained in silence as we drove down the dirty, rundown streets until we eventually pulled up outside one of the bungalows.

Frost cut the engine and I felt a sudden wave of panic rush through me. What was I supposed to do? Was I expected to follow Frost or did I stay in the car? I hadn’t even thought about this but now it hit me and I had no idea what the protocol was here. Frost didn’t bother to look at me or attempt to explain himself as he opened the door and climbed out.

I swallowed thickly and tried to battled down my nerves as I reached for my door handle to get out of the car. Just then Frost reappeared in the driver’s doorway, “Stay in the car.” He ordered me and, without checking I had heard or acknowledged his command, he had straightened back up and slammed the door closed. I hastily spun back to my door and - just before he locked the car - I managed to hit the controls on the door and crack the passenger window open slightly.

I wasn’t going to miss everything just because I was too scared to get out of the damn car.

I watched as Frost strode up to the shabby looking front door and knocked on it smartly before crossing his arms over his chest. Clearly not everyone in this line of work got paid well, I judged, observing the state of the house before me. The lawn was overgrown, unkempt and lacking in any colour due to the absence of flowers or shrubbery, and the house was in serious need of a new coat of paint to replace the off-white colour that peeled in places, and to cover the lichen that appeared to be crawling up the lower foundations.

I began to wonder if anyone was home when no one came to the door after a few minutes, but Frost didn’t seem fazed and remained inn place – clearly well aware of the habits of whoever lived there.

“Marv.” I heard Frost call loudly at the door and knocked on it once more, before stepping back slightly – presumably hearing some sort of response back that I couldn’t. The door then seemed to move inwards as a tall man appeared in a dirty white t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms. His shirt fit him snuggly - the material hugging his chest and showing how well built he was – and his arm muscles became clear and defined as he mimicked Frost’s folded arms.

“Jesus.” I heard ‘Marv’ breathe, “Frost?” He asked in disbelief at the suited man in front of him. I didn’t hear Frost say anything in return – clearly assuming that his presence was enough of a confirmation for the startled man. “I thought you’d bugger’d off somewhere?”

“I had.” Frost said simply, “Now I’m back.” Marv stood staring at Frost for a moment, clearly not sure if what he was seeing was true. He then looked past Frost in my direction and I caught his eyes.

“Who’s that?” He asked nodding in my direction.

“No one.” Muttered Frost firmly - in a way that seemed to say the man in the doorway better forget he’d ever seen me. I felt a bit hurt by this. No one? I scowled, was I not worth explaining? I mean – who the hell came up with this idea in the first place?!

I was so annoyed and too busy thinking about some choice words for Frost – had I had the courage to actually say them - that I missed some of their conversation.

“-eft him now.” I caught Marv telling Frost, now leaning against the doorframe of the neglected house, “’specially when we figur’d you’d jump’d ship.”

“Any idea where he might be now?” Asked Frost, “Or know one of the lads that might?”

From where I was sat I couldn’t see much but Marv seemed to be considering this for a few moments, and I thought I noticed him move his jaw slightly in thought as he seemed to stare at a piece of guttering that was hanging down from one of the walls. “You seen Jake?” he asked, turning his eyes back to Frost.

I thought I saw Frost tense slightly at this. Who was Jake?

“No one else you can think of?” I could just hear Frost mutter as I strained my ears to pick up his words.

“He’s the on’y one I can thin’ of tha’s defini’ly still with ‘im.”

Frost paused for a moment, seeming to consider his options. Eventually he nodded in resignation, “Ok mate, cheers. Take care.” He said turning around and heading back in my direction, though refusing to look at me. Marv watched him as he walked away – clearly wondering what Frost was up to - but he was probably use to being kept in the dark by his superiors and he didn’t bothering asking after Frost’s retreating figure, instead he stepped back into the house and closed the battered door behind him.

I had been too busy watching Marv that I jumped slightly when the clicking of the car unlocking broke the silence and Frost pulled open the driver’s door. I clutched my chest at the slight surprise, but soon calmed when I realised it was just Frost and turned to him as he slid into the chair next to me. “Who’s Jake?” I asked without hesitation.

“You know people say it’s rude to eavesdrop.” He muttered, placing the key in the ignition without looking at me.

“It’s also considered very rude to steal cars.” I pointed out, “I personally think we’re past ‘rudeness’.”

I noticed him roll his eyes slightly as he started the car up and pull away from the pavement.

“So who’s Jake?” I pushed with confidence, for some reason no longer fearing the man next to me. Around here he practically felt like a friend.

“Just another - what you would call - ‘Henchman’”. Frost told me vaguely.

“Right….” I nodded; resigning myself to the fact he wasn’t going to tell me anything more of his own free will.

We drove in silence as we both fell into our own thoughts and - though I watched the city fly past me through the tinted windows - I wasn’t paying much attention to where we were going. Instead I was too busy talking myself round in circles about whether what I was doing was for the right thing. Was it really a smart idea to seek out the psychopath that had been a large factor behind me running in the first place?

It was only as we headed once more out of the city centre and towards the opposite side of Gotham that I began to take notice of where we were.

I knew this area.

I knew it all too well and – judging by the twisted and convoluted route that he took the streets – Frost also knew what was around here. What he couldn’t avoid was the fact that I had grown up on these particular streets so knew the how area off-by-heart.

This meant I was all too aware that 3 streets to our left were the demolished foundations and rubble of my club.

I was grateful to Frost for trying to avoid the site, but I couldn’t stop the lump in my throat forming at the thought of everything that had been - now in a pile of dust and dirt. I tried to turn my mind back to more immediate things.

It was weird to think that a henchman of the Joker’s had lived so close to me, but then – I supposed – why shouldn’t he? They were all just normal men really after all – most weren’t the crazy psychopaths that they followed, just working men who happened to have a strong skill in the use of firearms and other weapons and needed the money.

Who knew how many criminals lived around me without me realising – hell, I may have even met them or played on their street when I was little!

For some reason these thoughts didn’t worry me. I guess I had survived this long and never had a problem, why should it bother me now? They were probably nice guys when they weren’t helping to rob and murder. Heck Frost seemed an alright guy.

Just then the man in question pulled over next to familiar block of flats.

No.

No. Jake. No. I thought in blind panic. No.

I turned to Frost with disbelief and hurt in my eyes, “You’re not serious?!” I demanded as I stared out the window at the building I knew all too well – this was definitely the same place.

“What?” He asked innocently.

“Who is Jake?” I spat. Frost ignored me as he rummaged for something in the back of the car, the engine still running. I wasn’t having this – I was fed up of all this need-to-know bullshit. I needed to know.

I grabbed his arm, “Frost!” I warned. He froze and looked down at my tiny hand on his large arms - as if surprised I had made the physical contact with him. I paused then, thinking about what I had just done and regretted it – I didn’t touch him. There was an unspoken rule between us that we didn’t touch – except for the two times I had broken down and lost control. But now I was in full control and still holding onto him - none too gently at that as I felt I fingers digging through the sleeve of his jacket.

To hell with it! I thought. It was too late now - I was already doing it. I kept my grip – taking all my courage not to chicken out and let go. “Answer me.” I demanded - though my voice was now a bit shaky with uncertainty.

“’Jake’ is Jake Riggens.” Confessed Frost reluctantly. I let go of his arm and fell back into my seat. I tried to get my head around this as I stared blankly at my lap before I brought my hand up to cover my face in humiliation. Oh God.

Jake Riggen.

The ‘Jake’ I had gone to when I had escaped the Joker shortly after blowing up the club.

“He worked for you the whole time?” I croaked out, turning my head back to Frost who remained sat in the car watching me cautiously– clearly not sure what I would do or how to proceed. He gave a very small nod to my question.

“I don’t believe it!” I yelled at no one in particular, “I trusted him! All this bloody time he was working for you?! He could have helped to set this all up!”  I shouted blindly, mainly talking to myself now. Frost ignored my rambling at the dashboard and cut the engine, sliding out of the car.

I made to follow him but he had slammed the door and locked the car before I could even reach for the handle. “Frost!” I screamed through the window. “Let me out! Don’t! COME BACK!” I shouted through the passenger window, pounding on the glass and pointlessly pulling at the door handle whilst I watched him stride quickly up to the flats.

I watched him as he pressed the buzzer for Jake’s flat and waited for a response whilst I continued ot punch the car, yelling as loudly as I could to see if he could still hear me. If he could hear me he completely ignored me. I silently prayed Jake wouldn’t be in so he would have to come back and actually deal with my anger rather than running away like he had. Clearly God wasn’t on my side today at all because soon Frost was bending to talk into the speaker before he was then buzzed into the entrance way.

I gave one last futile shove on the car door before I gave up with a loud cry and sat slumped on in my chair, cradling my now raw and bruised fists as angry tears trickled down my cheek.

I shoved them away in annoyance. I couldn’t bloody believe it. You couldn’t trust anyone in this bloody city! Everyone seemed to be out to get someone else! Was there no nice, genuine people left in this entire city?!

How had I not seen this though? I thought angrily. He’d bloody told me that he use to work for Penguin! I guess at the time I just presumed he meant like his brother, Jack, who had worked on the sound system – not as a henchman!

When had he been poached from Penguin? Before or after we had been on that one date together? Was that why he had changed? No. It couldn’t be. The Joker didn’t know me at that time – there was no way. It would have just been a coincidence.

But wait. Was his brother even a sound system guy? Or was he secretly working for the Joker? Did he have anything to do with the Joker’s takeover?!

I couldn’t believe this. Who could I trust?!

Clearly no one. I thought bitterly.

I stared at the dashboard in front of me moodily whilst I waited for Frost to come back. I had shot my head up several times at movement but they had just been over residences entering or leaving the block.

They were taking a long time. Maybe Frost didn’t want to come back out to deal with me like this.

I guess it wasn’t really his fault.

I mean, he was part of it, but he just did what the Joker told him to do. He hadn’t wanted to tell me because he knew it would upset me. He had tried to find out from Marv if there was someone else we could have gone to instead. Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed him to tell me. This wasn’t his fault. This was Jake’s fault. And the Joker’s fault.

Oh I was going to give that clown a piece of my mind when I found him. I thought angrily, clenching my fists.

I wasn’t feeling worried about my encounter with the Joker right now.

Right now - with my fury over yet another of his manipulations – I felt that, had he been standing in front of me right now - I wouldn’t have held back from slapping that damn psycho again.

He had some serious explaining to do - what with him always managing to find a way to control my every move and somehow convincing me to come back to Gotham when I had finely got away from him! All because his sorry ass might be dead!

That thought sobered me a bit however.

As much as I really hated him at the moment - and wouldn’t mind invoking some serious damage on the deranged criminal - the thought that he might be dead still chilled me and made my throat close up.

I closed my eyes and leant back so my head was against the rest. This was all a mess and I was suddenly very tired . My emotions and thoughts were all confused and everything felt tangled up in my mind.

There were so many people I wanted to give a piece of my mind – Penguin, Jake, The Joker.

But not Frost.

I needed to apologise to him when he came back and not be so snappy. None of this was his fault and so far he’d actually been a huge help.

As long as it didn’t turn out he betrayed me after all.

Not that it would surprise me. Everyone else had so far.

I guess only time would tell and I would just have to run with the fact that he was the closest thing I had to a friend right now.

And because of the that I would help him with his Joker problem. I would continue to help find the clown – though I didn’t feel I was helping much as hindering at the moment.

And if he was still alive then I’d let him see that I was fine, then he could leave me alone.

That was it. No huge reconciliation, no manipulation.

Somehow I would get out of there.

I would harness my new anger at the Joker and turn it into the courage I needed to face him and walk away I thought smiling to myself with my new bravery.

Just then I noticed movement in the corner of my eye and I looked to the entrance to the block of the flats as the door was shoved open to reveal Frost. He seemed to be in quite a rush as he strode quickly to the car.

He didn’t look at me as he walked around the front of the car, unlocking it and climbing into the driver’s seat.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, concerned about the intense look on his face and his rush to get into the car. He didn’t respond, still not looking at me and starting the engine instead.

“Frost!” I cried, grabbing his lower arm once again to get him to pay attention to me. “What’s going on?!” I demanded.

He didn’t hesitate at my touch this time, shrugging my hand off easily, “We need to go.” He told me before accelerating quickly away from the curb.

“What’s going?!” I asked starting to panic now - any bravery I had been feeling melting away with the worst case scenarios flying through my head, “Do you know where he is?” His briskness and the fact we seemed to be doing double the speed limit was only adding to my worry.

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?!” I asked incredulously.

“I have the freshest source of information.” He informed me, as if that was supposed to provide me some sort of comfort.

“Ugh.” I groaned in exasperation, throwing myself back in the seat from where I had leant forward in my alarm. Still no straight answer.

Frost ignored my mood, concentrating instead on the road as he drove us back into the centre of Gotham for the third time that day. This time we headed past the docks, the old warehouses bordered up and some surrounded in scaffolding where new construction had started but fallen through. I wondered how many people had hideouts along here – were we heading to one of them? I desperately searched each with eyes looking for clues to where we were going that I knew didn’t exist.

Frost continued to drive, passing all of them and answering my question as we moved away from the abandoned buildings. Up ahead loomed something that made my blood run cold. We were heading for the South Bridge.

Frost didn’t look at me but I thought I noticed his grip tighten on the steering wheel as we crossed it. I too could feel myself tense as we pasted the spot I had jumped from. It was weird to be back – I had told myself I never would but yet here I was. About to confront one of the main reasons I had promised never to return to Gotham.

Once we had crossed the bridge I felt I could breathe freely again, though my heart never calmed, instead my gut was now clenched in nerves of where we were going and what was going to happen.

We drove into the outskirts of Gotham and I almost thought that Frost was attempting to leave the city altogether as we drove into the higher priced areas. Soon the houses and the spaces between them became larger - gardens sprouting up, each pristine and soon becoming the size of small fields. The streets here were cleaner - no graffiti or chewing gum speckled pavements in sight. I had never been here before and I had to wonder if we were truly still in Gotham. It looked like a whole other world.

Frost finally pulled up outside a mansion that almost seemed to sit on its own. It looked almost the same as the others except for the slightly darker colour of paint and a few architectural differences that I could only notice when looking closely.

“You’re kidding right?” I snorted, laughing in shock. “This is a hideout?!”

“No.” Corrected Frost, “This is his house.”

“What?!” I asked in disbelief, glancing quickly at Frost before I turned back to gawk at the house. I looked out over the lawn, its edges lined with neat hedges expect for the front where the grass was open to the road. The whole garden looked immaculate except for some odd tire marks that were gouged into the centre of the green on the right side of the house. I frowned at the imperfections in confusion. Why were they there?

“He rarely ever comes here.” Admitted Frost, bringing my attention back from the grass, “But he does own it.” He told me as he killed the engine and climbed out of the car once more. I gulped. This was it. I was going to go find him. No turning back.

I could feel my hands becoming shaky and my nerves twisting in my abdomen. I was desperately trying to find some of that kickass bravery I had in the car back outside the flats.

I can do this, I thought to myself sternly. I took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Frost was already at my side of the car and he grabbing the top of the door to hold it open for me. I shot him a small smile of thanks before I clambered out, my legs a bit unsteady.

It felt good to finally be out of the car but the thought of what I had to do now didn’t leave me. I stood awkwardly waiting as Frost shut the door behind me and locked the car.

I wasn’t sure what we were supposed to do now. Did Frost have a key to the house? Was he sure the Joker was in there? I thought staring up at the towering house.

I followed Frost like a puppy to the large front door and it turned out Frost didn’t need keys as he simply turned the handle and pushed the door open slowly, but not before I noticed his hand travel into his pocket and pull out a pistol. He held it up as he edged into the house, pointing it ahead of him around the side of the door. I pressed slightly closer to him, not wanting to be left behind unarmed and unprotected.

We entered a large empty hallway, the floor made of smooth white marble, but that wasn’t what caught my eye and cause me to stifle a gasp.

Originally this house must have been decorated to match all the others around this area, but now it couldn’t have looked any different.

The walls were covered in black marker and red, purple and green paint. A few snatches of the original golden wallpaper could be seen here and there but most of the walls were covered in scribbles and drawings - all depicting variations on the same theme of ‘HAHA’s, grinning faces, jester hats, J’s, bats and playing cards. The wall were also littered with black specks that I  soon realised were bullet holes. Some were arranged so they formed a smile, others were just random holes in the wall, no rhyme or reason to them.

There was a large staircase on the left hand side of the room which led up to the back wall before it turned back on itself to lead further upwards. The back wall on the ground floor - to the right of the stairs, and straight in front of me - was full of what I now recognised to be knives. They all stuck out at various angles and I could imagine the Joker walking through the front door and throwing one straight down the hall so they embedded on the opposite wall, their hilts pointing out.

I couldn’t take my eyes off the walls - the whole hallway spelt insanity and I feared what the rest of the house looked like. Frost stepped around  the entrance room quietly and carefully - checking each room that led off - his pistol constantly aimed in front of him whilst I waited nervously by the doorway, afraid to move any further. This whole place unsettled me.

Eventually he moved back into the centre of the marble floor and lowered his pistol, noticeably relaxing. “He’s not down here, but neither is anyone else.” He informed me. I nodded mutely, too paralysed by my nerves to do much else.

He seemed to notice I was struggling and glanced around him before he gestured for me to follow as he led me into the first door on the right of the hallway. It opened up to what I believe was the drawing room at the front of the house, the large window overlooking the garden and road outside.

This room appeared untouched by the Joker, everything seeming to be of original design – no new artwork added to the walls or the ceiling, and the furniture neatly arranged. It was also all covered in a layer of dust. Frost turned around to face me. “Wait here. I’ll search the rest of the house for him.” He told me. I nodded silently again but didn’t like the idea of being left on my own in this huge house – especially when he seemed to think it required carrying a weapon around.

He must have noticed me glance down at his gun because he lifted it up, twisting it nonchalantly as if it wasn’t much, “Don’t worry about this – it’s just a precaution - just in case he’s a bit surprised to have a visitor.” He must have noticed this didn’t comfort me much because he quickly added, “Don’t worry, he never comes in this room - as you can tell.” He gestured around us, smirking slightly, at the faded chairs and dust that had flown in the air by us just walking in, now catching in the light that flowed through the tall window.

Again I nodded, but was still not particularly convinced. “Y/N, it’ll be fine. I’ll close the door. He’ll think it’s just me. Trust me, you’ll hear him coming – then you just need to hide.” He gestured to the hiding spots available around the room. I nodded a bit more confidently this time.

“Frost.” I croaked as he moved out the door, “Be careful.” I mumbled.  He gave me a soldier’s nod, holding up his pistol before him, and stepped out, closing the door behind him.

When I heard the click of the door I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

I turned to face the rest of the room. It was exactly as I thought any of the other mansions in the area would have looked like, the ornate wallpaper, plush carpet, accent rug by a small fire place and cushiony wing back armchairs arranged around it. I wondered why he never came in here – but then how many rooms could one man need if he lived here alone.  

The only thing that might have told me someone may have once been in this room was a decanter full of an amber liquid on the coffee table between the two chairs. Even then, however, it seemed to be more for show – two glasses arranged perfectly next to the bottle – one for each chair.

I wandered over to admire the elaborately cut crystal tumblers which matched the decanter behind them. A drink might be just what I need, I thought – to calm the nerves – I picked the glasses up gently, tilting them to catch the light from the tall front window and noticed how each was lined with a thick layer of grime. How hygienic, I though sarcastically, putting the glass back down before eying up the alcohol once more.

To hell with it I thought, it wasn’t like anyone used it! I grabbed the neck of the decanter and popped the lid, taking a large swig. “Ah.” I coughed as the drink burned my throat, eventually hitting my stomach and warming me. That may have been a bit of larger drink then I meant to take but maybe it would help to release some of the anxiety worming its way in my abdomen.

I kept the carafe in my hand and observed the rest of the room, my eyes finally falling on the piano that stood under the window at the end of the room, nestled between the thick curtains.

I stepped my way over to it, my footsteps slow and cautious in case of creaking floorboards that might give away my position. It was made of dark wood that suited the rest of the room, and looked smooth and polished - almost brand new if it hadn’t been for a few nicks and dents I noticed throughout the main body.

I pulled out the small stool that lay tucked neatly under it, making sure I lifted it up instead of dragging - even though I was such the dense carpet would have muffled any noise it made. I perched lightly on the faded cushion that padded the top, still holding the alcohol - keeping one ear out for any noise from above me or out in the hall - and stared in awe at the beautiful instrument.

I absent-mindedly took another swig from my open decanter - this time cringing slightly less at the scalding on the back of my throat – and laid a tentative hand on the wooden fallboard, hesitating slightly before I pushed it open – revealing the keys beneath.

They were slightly discoloured from age and I ran my fingers over then, tracing their outlines as I wondered if it was tuned. I took yet another swig of the amber juice – this time not even reacting to the sting as I swallowed.

If I played quietly would anyone hear? I wondered, my head feeling a bit heavy now and I was slightly regretting having the drinks, but that didn’t stop me from bring it to my lips once more – I was starting to like the taste and it was just convenient sat in my hand.

The house was old – surely the walls were thick? And that meant the floorboards too right? I sat there considering it for a bit as I ran my hand up and down the piano. If I pressed really lightly surely it wouldn’t be that loud? My mind seemed to have forgotten how loud a piano could be and my ears seemed to be ringing slightly anyway.

YOLO I silently giggled to myself, lightly pressing down on one of the keys. The chime that rang out was beautiful to my drunken ears, slightly out of tune, but not terrible for something that was never used.

I hadn’t played in a long time and I couldn’t remember many songs off the top of my head, especially when my mind was becoming cloudier by the second thanks to my liquid friend. I did remember a few basics however, and I balanced the carafe on the top of the piano before I returned my attention back to the white teeth. I began to lightly press a few keys, soon finding my fingers flowing like the alcohol in my system and I had begun to play ‘Make You Feel My Love by Adele.

After running through the main chords a few times I began to sing quietly to myself,

“When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love…”

I took one hand away from the instrument, grabbing the decanter and taking another swig before concentrating on the music once more. I didn’t realise I began to push more firmly and confidently on the keys, no longer whispering the words to myself as I swayed slightly to the tune.

“I know you haven’t made your mind up yet

But I would never do you wrong

Ive known it from the moment that we met

No doubt in my mind where you belong…”

I didn’t hear the muffled shout or the dull thump from upstairs - too engrossed in the song and the alcohol intoxication.

“I’d go hungry

I’d go black and blue

I’d go crawling down the avenue,

No there’s nothing I wouldn’t do,

To make you feel my love..”

I dragged out the last note in my inebriated state.

“My, my… What a deadly voice.” Drawled someone behind me.

[lesbianrewrites]

The Martian Chapter 9

*disclaimer* This is a project done for fun, and none of these characters/works belong to me. I do not claim to own any of the material on this page.

This is a Lesbian edit of The Martian by Andy Weir.

Chapters will be posted every day at 2pm EST.

Google doc version can be found here. The chapter can also be found under the cut. Enjoy!

CHAPTER IX

LOG ENTRY: SOL 79 It’s the evening of my 8th day on the road. “Sirius 4” has been a success so far. I’ve fallen into a routine. Every morning I wake up at dawn. First thing I do is check oxygen and CO2 levels. Then I eat a breakfast pack and drink a cup of water. After that, I brush my teeth, using as little water as possible, and shave with an electric razor. The rover has no toilet. We were expected to use our suits’ reclamation systems for that. But they aren’t designed to hold twenty days worth of output. My morning piss goes in a resealable plastic box. When I open it, the rover reeks like a truck-stop men’s room. I could take it outside and let it boil off. But I worked hard to make that water, and the last thing I’m going to do is waste it. I’ll feed it to the Water Reclaimer when I get back. Even more precious is my manure. It’s critical to the potato farm and I’m the only source on Mars. Fortunately, when you spend a lot of time in space, you learn how to shit in a bag. And if you think things are bad after opening the piss box, imagine the smell after I drop anchor. Then I go outside and collect the solar cells. Why didn’t I do it the previous night? Because trying to dismantle and stack solar cells in total fucking darkness isn’t fun. I learned that the hard way. After securing the cells, I come back in, turn on some shitty ‘70’s music, and start driving. I putter along at 25kph, the rover’s top speed. It’s comfortable inside. I wear hastily made cut-offs and a thin shirt while the RTG bakes the interior. When it gets too hot I detach the insulation duct-taped to the hull. When it gets too cold, I tape it back up. I can go almost 2 hours before the battery runs out. I do a quick EVA to swap cables, then I’m back at the wheel for the second half of the day’s drive. The terrain is very flat. The undercarriage of the rover is taller than any of the rocks around here, and the hills are gently-sloping affairs, smoothed by eons of sandstorms. When the other battery runs out, it’s time for another EVA. I pull the solar cells off the roof and lay them on the ground. For the first few sols, I lined them up in a row. Now I plop them wherever, trying to keep them close to the rover out of sheer laziness. Then comes the incredibly dull part of my day. I sit around for 12 hours with nothing to do. And I’m getting sick of this rover. The inside’s the size of a van. That may seem like plenty of room, but try being trapped in a van for 8 days. I look forward to tending my potato farm in the wide open space of the Hab. I’m nostalgic for the Hab. How fucked up is that? I have shitty ‘70’s TV to watch, and a bunch of Poirot novels. But mostly I spend my time thinking about getting to Ares 4. I’ll have to do it someday. How the hell am I going to survive a 3,200km trip in this thing? It’ll probably take 50 days. I’ll need the Water Reclaimer and the Oxygenator, maybe some of the Hab’s main batteries, then a bunch more solar cells to charge everything… where will I put it all? These thoughts pester me throughout the long boring days. Eventually, it gets dark and I get tired. I lay among the food packs, water tanks, extra O2 tank, piles of CO2 filters, box of pee, bags of shit, and personal items. I have a bunch of crew jumpsuits to serve as bedding, along with my blanket and pillow. Basically, I sleep in a pile of junk every night. Speaking of sleep… G’night.LOG ENTRY: SOL 80 By my reckoning, I’m about 100km from Pathfinder. Technically it’s “Carl Sagan Memorial Station.” But with all due respect to Carl, I can call it whatever the hell I want. I’m the Queen of Mars. As I mentioned, it’s been a long, boring drive. And I’m still on the outward leg. But hey, I’m an astronaut. Long-ass trips are my business. Navigation is tricky. The Hab’s nav beacon only reaches 40km, then it’s too faint. I knew that’d be an issue when I was planning this little road trip, so I came up with a brilliant plan that didn’t work. The computer has detailed maps, so I figured I could navigate by landmarks. I was wrong. Turns out you can’t navigate by landmarks if you can’t find any god damned landmarks. Our landing site is at the delta of a long-gone river. If there are any microscopic fossils to be had, it’s a good place to look. Also, the water would have dragged rock and soil samples from thousands of kilometers away. With some digging, we could get a broad geological history. That’s great for science, but it means the Hab’s in a featureless wasteland. I considered making a compass. The rover has plenty of electricity and the med kit has a needle. Only one problem: Mars doesn’t have a magnetic field. So I navigate by Phobos. It whips around Mars so fast it actually rises and sets twice a day, running west to east. It’s isn’t the most accurate system, but it works. Things got easier on Sol 75. I reached a valley with a rise to the west. It had flat ground for easy driving, and I just needed to follow the edge of the hills. I named it “Lewis Valley” after our fearless leader. She’d love it there, geology nerd that she is. Three sols later, Lewis Valley opened into a wide plain. So, again, I was left without references and relied on Phobos to guide me. There’s probably symbolism there. Phobos is the god of fear, and I’m letting it be my guide. Not a good sign. But today, my luck finally changed. After two sols wandering the desert, I found something to navigate by. It was a 5km crater, so small it didn’t even have a listed name. But to me, it was the Lighthouse of Alexandria. Once I had it in sight, I knew exactly where I was. I’m camped near it now, as a matter of fact. I’m finally through the blank areas of the map. Tomorrow, I’ll have the Lighthouse to navigate by, and Hamelin crater later on. I’m in good shape. Now, on to my next task: Sitting around with nothing to do for 12 hours. I better get started!LOG ENTRY: SOL 81 Almost made it to Pathfinder today, but I ran out of juice. Just another 22km to go! An unremarkable drive. Navigation wasn’t a problem. As Lighthouse receded into the distance, the rim of Hamelin Crater came into view. I left Acidalia Planitia behind a long time ago. I’m well into Ares Vallis now. The desert plains are giving way to bumpier terrain, strewn with ejecta that never got buried by sand. It makes driving a chore; I have to pay more attention. Up till now, I’ve been driving right over the rock-strewn landscape. But as I travel further south, the rocks are getting bigger and more plentiful. I have to go around some of them or risk damage to my suspension. The good news is I don’t have to do it for long. Once I get to Pathfinder, I can turn around and go the other way. The weather’s been very good. No discernible wind, no storms. I think I got lucky there. There’s a good chance my rover tracks from the past few sols are intact. I should be able to get back to Lewis Valley just by following them. After setting up the solar panels, I went for a little walk. I never left sight of the rover; the last thing I want to do is get lost on foot. But I couldn’t stomach crawling back into that cramped, smelly rat’s nest. Not right away. It’s a strange feeling. Everywhere I go, I’m the first. Step outside the rover? First person ever to be there! Climb a hill? First person to climb that hill! Kick a rock? That rock hadn’t moved in a million years! I’m the first person to drive long-distance on Mars. The first person to spend more than 31 sols on Mars. The first person to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first! I wasn’t expecting to be first at anything. I was the 5th crewman out of the MDV when we landed, making me the 17th person to set foot on Mars. The egress order had been determined years earlier. A month before launch, we all got tattoos of our “Mars Numbers.” Johanssen almost refused to get her “15” because she was afraid it would hurt. Here’s a woman who had survived the centrifuge, the vomit comet, hard landing drills and 10k runs. A woman who fixed a simulated MDV computer failure while being spun around upside-down. But she was afraid of a tattoo needle. Man, I miss those guys. I’m the first person to be alone on an entire planet. Ok, enough moping. Tomorrow, I’ll be the first person to recover a Mars probe.LOG ENTRY: SOL 82 Victory! I found it! I knew I was in the right area when I spotted Twin Peaks in the distance. The two small hills are under a kilometer from the landing site. Even better, they were on the far side of the site. All I had to do was aim for them until I found the Lander. And there it was! Right where it was supposed to be! Pathfinder’s final stage of descent was a balloon-covered tetrahedron. The balloons absorbed the impact of landing. Once it came to rest, they deflated and the tetrahedron unfolded to reveal the probe. It’s actually two separate components. The Lander itself, and the Sojourner rover. The Lander was immobile, while Sojourner wandered around and got a good look at the local rocks. I’m taking both back with me, but the important part is the Lander. That’s the part that can communicate with Earth. I excitedly stumbled out and rushed to the site. I can’t explain how happy I was. It was a lot of work to get here, and I’d succeeded. The Lander was half buried. With some quick and careful digging, I exposed the bulk of it, though the large tetrahedron and the deflated balloons still lurked below the surface. After a quick search, I found Sojourner. The little fella was only two meters from the Lander. I vaguely remember it was further away when they last saw it. It probably entered a contingency mode and started circling the Lander, trying to communicate. I quickly deposited Sojourner in my rover. It’s small, light, and easily fit in the airlock. The Lander was a different story. I had no hope of getting the whole thing back to the Hab. It was just too big. It was time for me to put on my mechanical engineer hat. The probe was attached to the central panel of the unfolded tetrahedron. The other three sides were each attached with a metal hinge. As anyone at JPL will tell you, probes are delicate things. Weight is a serious concern, so they’re not made to stand up to much punishment. When I took a crowbar to the hinges, they popped right off! Then things got difficult. When I tried to lift the central panel assembly, it didn’t budge. Just like the other three panels, the central panel had deflated balloons underneath it. Over the decades, the balloons had ripped and filled with sand. I could cut off the balloons, but I’d have to dig to get to them. It wouldn’t be hard, it’s just sand. But the other three panels were in the damn way. I quickly realized I didn’t give a crap about the condition of the other panels. I went back to my rover, cut some strips of Hab material, then braided them into a primitive but strong rope. I can’t take credit for it being strong. Thank NASA for that. I just made it rope-shaped. I tied one end to a panel, and the other to the rover. The rover was made for traversing extremely rugged terrain, often at steep angles. It may not be fast, but it has great torque. I towed the panel away like a redneck removing a tree stump. Now I had a place to dig. As I exposed each balloon, I cut it off. The whole task took an hour. Then I hoisted the central panel assembly up and carried it confidently to the rover! At least, that’s what I wanted to do. The damn thing is still heavy as hell. I’m guessing it’s 200kg. Even in Mars gravity that's a bit much. I could carry it around the Hab easily enough, but lifting it while wearing an awkward EVA suit? Out of the question. So I dragged it to the rover. Now for my next feat: Getting it on the roof. The roof was empty at the moment. Even with mostly-full batteries, I had set up the solar cells when I stopped. Why not? Free energy. I’d worked it out in advance. On the way here, two stacks of solar panels occupied the whole roof. On the way back, they would be a single stack. It’s a little more dangerous; they might fall over. The main thing it they’ll be a pain in the ass to stack that high. I can’t just throw a rope over the rover and hoist Pathfinder up the side. I don’t want to break it. I mean, it’s already broken, they lost contact in 1997. But I don’t want to break it more. I came up with a solution, but I’d done enough physical labor for one day, and I was almost out of daylight. Now I’m in the rover, looking at Sojourner. It seems all right. No physical damage on the outside. Doesn’t look like anything got too baked by the sunlight. The dense layer of Mars crap all over it protected it from long-term solar damage. You may think Sojourner isn’t much use to me. It can’t communicate with Earth. Why do I care about it? Because it has a lot of moving parts. If I establish a link with NASA, I can talk to them by holding a page of text up to the Lander’s camera. But how would they talk to me? The only moving parts on the Lander are the high gain antenna (which would have to stay pointed at Earth) and the camera boom. We’d have to come up with a system where NASA could talk by rotating the camera head. It would be painfully slow. But Sojourner has six independent wheels that rotate reasonably fast. It’ll be much easier to communicate with those. If nothing else, I could draw letters on the wheels, and hold a mirror up to its camera. NASA’d figure it out and start spelling things at me. That all assumes I can get the Lander’s radio working at all. Time to turn in. I’ve got a lot of backbreaking physical labor to do tomorrow. I’ll need my rest.LOG ENTRY: SOL 83 Oh god I’m sore. But it’s the only way I could think of to get the Lander safely onto the roof. I built a ramp out of rocks and sand. Just like the ancient Egyptians did. And if there’s one thing Ares Vallis has, it’s rocks! First, I experimented to find out how steep the grade could be. Piling up some rocks near the Lander, I dragged it up the pile, then down again. Then I made it steeper, etc. I figured out I could pull it up a 30 degree grade. Anything more was too risky. I might lose my grip and send the Lander tumbling down the ramp. The roof of the rover is over 2 meters from the ground. So I’d need a ramp almost 4 meters long. I got to work. The first few rocks were easy. Then they started feeling heavier and heavier. Hard physical labor in a spacesuit is murder. Everything’s more effort because you’re lugging 20kg of suit around with you, and your movement is limited. I was panting within 20 minutes. So I cheated. I upped my O2 mixture. It really helped a lot. Probably shouldn’t make that a habit. Also, I didn’t get hot. The suit leaks heat faster than my body could ever generate it. The heating system is what keeps the temperature bearable. My physical labor just meant the suit didn’t have to heat itself as much. After hours of grueling labor, I finally got the ramp made. Nothing more than a pile of rocks against the rover, but it reached the roof. I stomped up and down the ramp first, to make sure it was stable, then I dragged the Lander up. It worked like a charm! I was all smiles as I lashed the Lander in place. I made sure it was firmly secured, and even stacked the solar cells in a big single stack (why waste the ramp?). But then it hit me. The ramp would collapse as I drove away, and the rocks might damage the wheels or undercarriage. I’d have to take the ramp apart to keep that from happening. Ugh. Tearing the ramp down was easier than putting it up. I didn’t need to carefully put each rock in a stable place. I just dropped them wherever. It only took me an hour. And now I’m done! I’ll start heading home tomorrow, with my new 100kg broken radio.

[katsen13]

Second Chance

This is an idea I had pretty much since Infinity War came out. I guess you could say it’s part of my theory for how they were going to fix everything. I started working on it soon after seeing Infinity War but life got in the way as it does, as well did doubt. As always, any feedback and constructive criticism are welcome! This is my first time writing anything this long, so if I could get a signal boost I would really appreciate it! The next chapter will be out Friday and I will include a link for it here once it’s posted. I may post the other chapters from my writing blog, @katsens-writing​. If I do, I’ll be sure to reblog here.

Feel free to reblog, but please do not repost to other sites without permission first.

General Content: Angst, moodiness. Time travel (please excuse any plotholes I may have missed). Not 100% canon, obviously.

References: The Avengers, Thor: The Dark World, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Captain America: Civil War, Thor: Ragnarok, and Avengers: Infinity War. *MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR THESE MOVIES.*

Chapter-Specific Content: Angst, flashbacks, minor injury.

Summary: Tony visits Loki during the Battle of New York to enlist his help.

Click here for chapter one.

CHAPTER 2

     [Stark Tower] Thor held Loki up, forcing him to look at the chaos down below them. People were running and screaming in terror, being chased by Chitauri soldiers. The streets and sidewalks were all in ruin.

     “Look at this! Look around! You think this madness will end with your rule?” Thor pled with his brother, desperately trying to get through to him. Loki watched the destruction and havoc that he had brought to the city unfold.

     “It’s too late. It’s too late to stop it.” Loki bitterly turned away from his brother’s gaze, sounding remorseful. He may have been talking to his brother, but Loki couldn’t stop thinking about Stark’s visit and what he had claimed.

     “No. We can. Together.” Thor replied, reassuring his brother.

     Loki looked back at his brother, almost feeling something. Dear brother, so naively hopeful. Out of the corner of his eye, Loki saw Stark lurking in the shadows. Thinking quickly, he summoned a small dagger and plunged it into Thor’s abdomen. Thor released his grip on Loki and dropped to his knees in pain.

     “Sentiment,” Loki spat, standing over his brother. Thor sprang up and kicked Loki before lifting him up over his head. He slammed his brother down hard on the ground, cracking the cement underneath them. Loki quickly rolled over the edge of the balcony and dropped onto a passing chariot. With a growl, Thor jumped down to the street below.

     Tony stepped forward, stopping just inside from the balcony. Watching the discord below, he spoke without turning. “Nice exit. Very dramatic.”

     Loki appeared from the shadows just beyond the balcony and approached him. “Enough talk. What do you want?” Loki demanded, his eyes narrowed.

     “It’s more about what you want.” Tony turned to him. “I know you care for Thor, in spite of that little show you just put on.” Loki opened his mouth to object, but Tony cut him off, waving a hand. “Save it, ok? We don’t have much time before Hulk shows up.”

     Tony explained everything he could that happened leading up to Thanos winning. “All I know is that Thanos trusts you to some degree, for whatever reason. If you were to give him an infinity stone, he would have no reason to think it was fake until it was too late.” He finished.

     “How do I know you’re telling the truth?” Loki’s eyebrows furrowed, not wanting to believe the obviously insane scientist.

     “And you’re supposed to be the god of lies. You’re honestly saying you can’t tell if I’m lying or not?” Stark scoffed. Loki glared at him, scowling. Underneath his scowl, Tony saw a hint of worry, so well disguised he almost didn’t catch it. Tony sighed again. “See for yourself.” He nodded at the staff in Loki’s hand before looking at the god. “You might want to try the head this time.”

     Loki glanced at the staff in his hand, then at Stark before raising it to the scientist’s forehead. Loki eyed Stark suspiciously, the staff whirring in his hand as it powered up. If he is up to something, this is the way to find out. He thought. He closed his eyes as he traveled into Stark’s mind, events flashing by him so fast, the memories surrounding him as if he had been there himself. A birthday, a fight with his father-many fights with his father- studying abroad, his parents’ death, a press conference... Loki went deeper into Tony’s mind, furrowing his eyebrows. He saw a robot turning evil, twins with powers, a dark, foreboding landscape with Stark surrounded by the lifeless bodies of his fallen teammates. Loki’s stomach lurched when he saw his brother lying there. His mouth opened in astonishment, but before he could react, the image vanished as he continued on through Tony’s memories. A picture of a young man, Stark fighting some of his friends with a different young man, one with arachnid abilities by his side. That young man- he watched as that young man collapsed in Tony’s arms before turning into dust on some forbidden wasteland of a planet. The look in Stark’s eyes then     Loki blinked and looked away. He remembered seeing that same look in his brother’s eyes as he fell into the void of space.

     Loki opened his eyes and withdrew his staff, the images from Stark’s mind dissolving around him as he released his grip on Tony. Tony’s eyes fluttered as he came to, shaking his head.

     “Damn. Now I know why Barton still won’t stop complaining.” He looked at Loki standing there. The god of mischief was looking down at his staff deep in thought.

     “My brother?” Loki asked quietly, slowly lifting his gaze to look up at Tony.

     Tony hesitated before sighing. “I don’t know. No one has heard from him.”

     Loki lowered his eyes, trying to hide his emotion. He looked out at the city, contemplating everything he had just witnessed. After a moment, he turned back to Stark.

     “Whatever happens, there will be hell to pay, for both of us. You know that.” Tony warned.

     Loki looked down at his staff one last time. Slowly he raised it, holding it out to Tony. Wordlessly, Tony reached out and took it. Loki held out his arm, his fingers outstretched as a new staff materialized. Grasping it, he stepped out on the balcony over the city below before calling the Chitauri leader. “Send the rest.”

[bpellerin]

True blue nightmare

How could good people with good ideas and principles end up like this? How can so many, right here in Canada, still support Donald Trump and what he represents? How can so many support (morally and financially) Ezra Levant’s Rebel Media after the Charlottesville events and the accompanying alt-right fracas?

I don’t understand it. It’s not what I thought conservatism (with which I’ve been associated for years) was all about.

It was one thing to get a chuckle out of the 2016 presidential circus. You could take a certain kind of pleasure in seeing everyone getting so upset. It’s not like the political establishment doesn’t need a good shakeup every now and then. But that wasn’t serious, was it? Sooner or later people would have to come to their senses, step away from the TV, drink some strong coffee and get back to sober, mature reality.

Alas.

Every time Mr. Trump said something outrageous (which wasn’t rare), his popularity increased. It was like being stuck in a political version of Opposite Day. What should have gone up went down, and what should have disappeared in a cloud of infamy, was loudly cheered and repeated by disturbingly large crowds.

I was never a fan of this kind of politics, and of this particular politician. I find him boorish, vulgar, and dangerously self-centred. But when so many millions of people vote for someone, you have to keep a certain tiny door open because hey, democracy is how we do things.

Yeah, well. I can no longer keep that door open. For me the last Twitter straw came in late June when, in a pair of tweets, the president managed to display crazy behaviour along with extreme meanness and vulgarity. Put together, they read: “I heard poorly rated @Morning_Joe speaks badly of me (don't watch anymore). Then how come low I.Q. Crazy Mika, along with Psycho Joe, came.. to Mar-a-Lago 3 nights in a row around New Year's Eve, and insisted on joining me. She was bleeding badly from a face-lift. I said no!”

It’s not OK to stand behind a man who, as POTUS, tweets like that. Especially after all the other offensive things he’s said and done against just about everyone. A man who makes a mockery of his office and the constitution he swore to uphold by making policy on the fly and who shows contempt for the two other branches of government.

Especially after the events of Charlottesville, when he started by blaming both sides for the violence before condemning white supremacists specifically only to revert to blaming both sides the next day, well, now there’s no excuse.[1] In my book, if you still support him, and defend him, you are like him.

And you are part of the problem.

____

In Canada, Trump supporters also tend to be ardent fans of The Rebel. I’ve known Ezra Levant for a long time. I’ve worked with him at Sun News Network (not particularly closely, but he had me on his show several times). My husband, John Robson, contributed historical video vignettes for The Rebel from day one. Nobody will make me believe that Ezra is a racist or a bigot. I know he’s not. But some of the stuff he runs appeals to a lot of them. I believe it’s a mistake for Ezra to stir that pot of festering anger for clicks, YouTube views, and financial contributions.

That’s not something I’ve just recently discovered. I had been discussing these things with my husband for many long months before he finally announced he was stepping back from contributing to the site, and I do think he waited too long. He has explained himself elsewhere and I don’t need to add to that.

Charlottesville was the last straw for a lot of people, including my old friend Brian Lilley and National Post columnist Barbara Kay. If Charlottesville had been a one-off thing, many people might have opted to forgive Ezra and his crew, but it wasn’t. The tone of The Rebel had long been one of anger, sometimes paranoia, with a remarkable blind spot when it came to the company it kept. Trying to distance yourself from the alt-right was a step in the right direction, but it was too little, too late. Better than nothing, but not by much.

I know many people who still support The Rebel, post-Charlottesville, many of them financially. It makes me sad. Because I know these people are not stupid, or evil, or racist, or any more bigoted than the average person (oh, come on; we all have some of that in us). But what they are is angry, frustrated, and genuinely scared for the future of their country.

These are people who think Canada – as the West generally – may have lost its way. They worry that the values that made Canada what it is today are not, well, valued anymore. They think the people in charge are worried about the wrong stuff (in no particular order: climate change, multiculturalism, transgender rights, inclusiveness, safe spaces, organic meat) at the expense of the right stuff (traditional family values, cultural assimilation of immigrants, national security, military preparedness, law and order, property rights and free speech).

Do me a favour and hold the scorn for a minute. Forget that you disagree with these people, and try this thought experiment. Imagine that the roles are reversed. Imagine yourself – a fine, reasonable, upstanding citizen who works hard to do the best he can every day of his life – having serious concerns about the path your country has taken and being not only ignored but ridiculed for having those fears.

Keep holding that scorn. You can do it.

Imagine that your concerns are ignored and ridiculed, for years on end. That no matter how hard you try you can’t seem to get your message across. Year after year you see things deteriorate some more, and no politician speaks to your concerns. Until one day this bizarre orange person shows up and says, without fear or embarrassment, some of the things you’ve been saying for so long. Oh sure, he’s also saying things you don’t agree with – even things you find offensive. But there he is again talking about one of your biggest worries and pledging to do something to make it better!

You’re doing awesome on the scorn-holding front. You’re almost there. Keep it up!

You are so desperate and angry after being ignored and ridiculed for so many years that you are willing to ignore a lot of unpleasant facts about this weird orange person and cheer for him anyway. Because he’s the only one among all those politicians who’s not ignoring or ridiculing you. Better yet, the weird orange person gets ridiculed just like you and yet he keeps saying those things you’re so desperate to hear, and offers no apologies for his behaviour.

OK. Breathe, the thought experiment is over. Back to being you.

I know what you’re thinking. There’s a reason no serious politician speaks the way our long-frustrated angry voter does. That’s because that kind of talk is guaranteed to get anyone laughed out of the serious crowd. That’s not because everyone in the media is a liberal idiot. You’d be amazed how many conservatives and middle-of-the-road types lurk in newsrooms. I’m not prepared to say there’s no such thing as biased journalists, but as I’ve been saying to conservatives for years, if you believe in a media conspiracy to silence conservatives I’ve got a big shiny new bridge to sell you.

Also? I have news. Journalists can’t even organize pub night without 16 rounds of reply-all emails – and even then half the people typically fail to show up. Journalists couldn’t conspire to silence conservatives if they tried. They can’t even organize their own desk drawers.

Ryan Holiday, in his wonderful Ego is the Enemy, quotes Seneca that “He who indulges in empty fears earns himself real fears,” and adds that what paranoia usually does is create “the persecution it seeks to avoid, making the owner a prisoner of its own delusions and chaos.”

The reason our angry, frustrated and long-despised conservatives get ignored is because a lot of their opinions are often 1) very unpopular with normal people who are not themselves journalists; and 2) expressed in spectacularly sub-optimal ways.

I can count of the fingers of one hand the number of conservatives in this country who can express a conservative opinion without tangling themselves up in their own rhetorical ineptitude. I’m married to one of them (I disagree with him on a lot of things, but he’s one hell of a debater). It doesn’t help your cause when you look angry and clumsy while trying to make an unpopular point. It just reinforces people’s opinion of you as someone who doesn’t need to be taken all that seriously. Which angers our already frustrated conservative some more until one day he shows up at a rally wearing that red baseball cap and starts filling up his feed with #MAGA retweets.

___

Nobody wins when all sides are shouting at each other when forced to interact and muttering darkly to themselves otherwise. We need to start talking to each other, not screaming at each other. And we need to start listening to one another.

We need a dialogue.

In practice, that means conservatives need to quit sounding so paranoid. That’s a big one. They also really ought to avoid whining about being ignored and/or persecuted. That just makes them sound petulant and entitled. I would also counsel evangelicals to really make an effort to refrain from using Biblical language when talking to non-Christians. It really grates on the ear, and that’s not helpful.

Fears about society going to hell in a handbasket may or may not be entirely justified. Personally I think it’s not quite as bad as all that. Human beings have been through worse, and somehow we’re still all here.

Regardless of what I think, if you’re trying to convince other people that current policies or ideas or ideologies are destructive, it helps a lot not to start the conversation with “YOU’RE TRYING TO DESTROY OUR COUNTRY!!!” I’m pretty sure there are no reasonable Canadians who are deliberately trying to do that, not even Gerald Butts. Being accused like that does not make anyone receptive to your points.

Explain your concerns gently. Acknowledge that you don’t see eye to eye with your interlocutors. Further acknowledge that there is some good in your opponents’ positions (really; do try to find something, even if it’s just good intentions). But then calmly and patiently walk them through your concerns. Help them understand something they might not even have thought about. Try to make your opponents into allies, if only for a tiny bit. That’s your beachhead. You need a beachhead. Because right now you’re out at sea.

Oh, and please – try to stay away from making people who don’t believe traditional heteronormative values are the entire point of civilized society not feel like unrepentant sinners. It’s a big, varied world with all kinds of funky people in it, and most of us are doing our best every day to be as good as we can. Gay parents aren’t worse than straight parents. In fact, I’ve met plenty of gay parents who were much better than the traditional, straight parents I had growing up. Granted, anecdotes don’t make for good policy. But do try to keep an open mind and an open heart. I strongly suggest keeping your focus on making sure children are well taken care of – because everyone agrees with that goal. And work very gently from there.

Lefties and other non-conservatives: Please stop calling people names because they hold views you consider retrograde. I get that a lot of Christians are annoying when they talk about people indulging in a gay “lifestyle”, as though being queer was a passing fad, like some kind of metaphysical fidget spinner. They make me cringe, too. But that doesn’t necessarily make them obnoxious bigots. Even in the cases where it does, there’s not much to be gained by shutting down a conversation with someone just because they take the Bible literally. Do try to engage them. Smile as you point them to statistics showing children raised in non-traditional homes do as well (if not, in certain cases, better) than their peers. Remind them – gently – that divorce does a lot more damage to children than having two mommies, and that divorce is, at the moment at least, an overwhelmingly heterosexual issue. That maybe we could all try to work to strengthen all families, for the benefit of the children who never asked to be there.

Engage conservatives on immigration and Western values. It’s to the benefit of everyone to make sure we don’t unwittingly allow tolerance to ding our cherished values of equality and inclusiveness. Agree that it would be OK to discriminate against a group that wanted to throw homosexuals off a cliff, or that anyone who demands the right to perform clitorectomies should be told to get in line or get out. Agree to some lines in the sand. Give conservatives something they can work with you to improve.

Show some sympathy for the crowds of people who – for one reason or another – find themselves bypassed by technological evolution. People whose skills are no longer in demand and who are too old to retrain. People who feel helpless and out-of-date with the world. You don’t have to remind them that their best-before date is fast approaching. They’re painfully conscious of it. The fact that some of them blame cheap labour and “job-stealing immigrants” for their troubles is unhelpful, I get it. But try to have some room in your heart for the thought that very often it’s anger and fear you hear talking, not real sentiment.

And if all of that fails, and you’re up against a wall of obtuseness in human form, keep in mind this splendid advice from The Power of No’s authors James and Claudia Altucher: 1) Don't argue; it's pointless. You will never change their mind. 2) Let them state their opinion. Try to learn something from it. Try to respect one angle of their point of view. 3) Everyone just wants to be heard. 4) Listen.

If we could all make an effort to listen to each other more, and yell insults less, we’d bring back much-needed sanity to our public square.

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[1] Lots of good people make a convincing case that there was indeed violence on all sides in Charlottesville. That some counter-protesters showed up to disrupt a rally that had been allowed by the authorities, armed with all kinds of weapons, clearly anticipating violence. Other counter-protesters were peaceful. As were some of the folks who showed up to protest the plan to remove the statue of Robert E. Lee. Fine. Nothing is 100% black-and-white, as it were. But when one person from one side (the side that associates with the KKK and neo-Nazis, as far as we know) rams his car into a crowd of people, the president has a solemn moral duty to come down hard on that side. Not to deny that there were bad people elsewhere. But to emphasize that deliberately killing people in the name of a racist ideology is unmistakably un-American.