#ok lets get positive for a moment this has been my favourite story to write and i have gotten such incredible reviews

[fool-from-lamanchaland]

im bored outta my gourd so here's an extensive ranking of the sinners based on who i like most [with reasonings, serious and/or silly]

DISCLAIMER !!!! I like all of the sinners besides the one at the very bottom, this isn't a tierlist based on who i think are the best sinners but rather on who i Personally enjoy, don't take this to heart i know each of them has Their Reason™ to be your fave ok? ok thank

starting from the bottom,

12. meursault

meur fans im so sorry. i really am. i have tried so so hard to see his appeal. i just do not feel anything about him. i do not think about him unless I'm thinking about the sinners as a collective.

perhaps in his canto I'll see the meursault charm but for now i genuinely don't care about that man

11. faust

the faust hivemind................ she's entertaining

my favourite faust moments are her being prideful about her intelligence. her dropping the 'faust' as a first person pronoun from the sheer hater energy she had while one upping hohenheim in the lcb checkup was Absolutely amazing i love to see her being justifiably egotistical

besides that i don't have much to say on her i fear ...

although if she were ever to get an angela ID I'd actually start playing limbus. the power she holds. good lird

funnily enough faust is my girlfriend's favourite sinner [mostly via appearances], she's divorcing me for this take /j

10. sinclair

not sure how i feel about sinclair ill be fr

he and faust are about the exact same level of enjoyment, but due to my love of his dynamic with don and ryoshu he ended up a lil higher

The twink is splendid. i need to see him be violent more. yes i love the new middle id let him kick ass

i feel like out of all of the sinners with cantos out, his compelled me the least so unfortunately i just don't have much to say on the guy

9. outis

I've had personal beef with outis for the comments she made towards don/sancho during her canto sorry i need her gone /silly

in all seriousness this war vet perplexes me ....... two faced bootlicker woman that i need to analyse under a microscope/pos

i don't condone All of her wrongs [still fighting her for the don slander] but i do condone a lot of them. love seeing her be cunning and scheming lets go evil women !!!!

even if she's quite low on the tierlist pls understand i Want to like her more i need to know her goddamn problem. where is penelope. what does the broken watch symbolise. what about the odyssey. how will it end up being translated into the pjmverse. What Horrors Has She Been Through i gotta know man!!!!!

8. hong lu

placed him around the middle of the tierlist since i know he's just about to get some crazy lore drops in his canto, just in case so i can easily move him upwards/downwards

as of writing this post though, he's quite splendid and silly .......his 'uwah~!'s are Everything to me

aesthetically he's my favourite masc sinner i love gorgeous boys with long luscious hair and whimsy

i can tell his ass is hiding every damn bit of his personality and emotions to be as cordial and unsuspecting and inoffensive as possible, maybe a leftover tactic from the hell he lived through back at the jia household? i doubt his original name is even Hong lu

hong lu's absolutely nonexistent sense of self preservation has me incredibly concerned. how was he unphazed about having his time taken in TKT . this man. SHAKING HIM

7. Heathcliff

ayyy the H names back to back

looks around nervously. would i be burnt at the stake for saying through patches of violet is my least favourite canto bossfight song /SILLY

like sinclair, i just. dont have too much to say on him? doesn't mean i dislike him, he's a really interesting character, i know theyve got sm more to do with heathcliff's story and im pumped for that, especially since the way his canto ended wasn't all that great for me

his position here is very shaky tbh . i feel he'll get moved sooner or later

in all seriousness though, despite the initial impression he had he's one of the most loyal and pretty compassionate guys in that damn bus. id trust him with my drink And all my belongings at a bar id trust him with my Life. of this tierlist were for sinners I'd befriend he'd be num.1

6.ryoshu

The funniest sinner in the bus imo

as another enjoyer of the arts [although not. in the bloody way] she's so cool ... id offer myself up to become an artpiece of hers huh who said that

she doesn't stand for bullshit and is awesome as hell and also i need to know what her ties to the fingers are PLEASE

wish i had more to say but she's just super entertaining to me, so she's fairly up here

5. Rodion

she's so flawed and hasn't progressed much from her canto and i love her for it

"I'm alright" love no you are not. you've had the least character development from every other character with a canto you've still got to go through the fucking trenches you still have so much to work through

her pass on track is my second favourite behind don's... it sounds so much more off and Wrong and sad because she hasn't passed on!! your sins are still trailing behind you girl!!!! just look at how things played out in the TKT intervallo!!!!!!

4. yi sang

project moon devs i am out for your [metaphorical] blood. you guys did not need to make this man so relatable. why . sotp it pls

seeing him slowly become happier and find meaning to living despite his past mistakes makes me so emotional actually

he had the most impactful canto for me ........ there is hope ..... even when you've made mistakes and made things worse for yourself .... there'll always be hope for the future ........ dwelling on what could've been will just make you more miserable ............ something i needed to hear so badly

ok that's enough introspection . he makes me smile thats all

3. Gregor

my babygirl. ok moving on, /j

greg is generally not having the greatest time on the bus and feels like he has to endure being made the butt of the joke because it's what he deserves and slowly bur surely he's become more distant from the other sinners and is possibly metamorphosing more based on the LCB checkup [WHERE THEY LITERALLY MADE HIM THE OUTCAST BY NOT ADDING HIM TO THE LINEUP. EVIL] oghghhhh i need to see him break . let it be rodion who makes him snap PLEAASE.

also pablo 👍

2. Ishmael

fish lesbian

design wise she's my favourite fem sinner .. yes it's because of the orange . i am an extremely biased person

ohhgheghhhh her fury against ahab having taken away the person she loved most all in the name of some fuckass whale ............... slowly making her resemble the captain more and more as she spirals more and more into a crazed path of revenge ................... her adoration for queequeg showing in her longer hair when she never liked it just because queequeg did ........ and seeing her in pequod town being the only thing to calm her down................................ because queequeg was her reason to live before killing ahab was :[[[[[[[[

and her finally taking agency in her own life beyond her grudges by not killing ahab and finding a new purpose to go on, to look forward to what tomorrow awaits :[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

im in fuckign shambles ishmael I'll always defend you girl

1. Don Quixote

character so good she overrode my life-long internal response of hearing 'don quixote' from "do do do donki donki ho–teeeeeee" to "BEEEACH VOLLEYBURR" /j

words alone cannot express what don quixote means to me.

every time i see her face i smile . every whimsical hijink of hers is instant serotonin . every don is perfect and beautiful and lovely . live laugh love don . her mere existence is a blessing actually one of the fictional characters of all time

her exaggerated pseudo-archaic form of speaking. the overly expressive and Intense emotions audible in her voice. compared to sancho's deep and methodical voice. her extreme sense of justice. the joy she brings to the bus which really needs it. her crazed adoration for fixers and fixer associations. her current moments where the persona slips and sancho shines through in mild embarrassment.

her being absolutely fuckign shattered after regaining her memories ......... feeling like she decieved the sinners and dante and simply cannot ever be with them due to how different their experiences are ........... until slowly but surely she realises that she Wants to be with them and they want to be with her, that they're her Family and she still wants to keep the dream she and her father had even when he had already long since given up ................. taking back the name and role of 'don Quixote, the fixer' after having initially reverted to sancho so the dream may live on ........... THE SINNERS ARE HER FAMILY :[[[[[[

PRE-MEMORY LOSS SANCHO ALSO MAKES ME INSANE BTW. she had nothing to live for and was content with dying in that fire until dadqui showed up, cursing her with a horrible disease that ended up actually being better than the meaningless life she had prior, content with just being with her father and her family and nothing else until bari showed up and sparked the smallest interest in fixers in her and a wildfire of interest for dad quixote and even if she found his next antics juvenile and foolish she still went along because sancho loved her father and even if she'd never admit it she was happy too all while she and dad quixote were blind to the suffering of dulcinea and her 3rd kindreds and all the other bloodfiends all for their father's dream until the FALL OF LAMANCHALAND WHERE SHE WAS FORCED TO LEAVE DAD QUIXOTE BEHIND AS THE SOLE MARTYR FOR THE BLOODFIENDS'S FESTERING ANGER OVER HAVING BEEN STARVED IN HIS LAMANCHALAND ENDEAVOR AND THE GRIEF BREAKING HER SO BADLY SHE DECIDES TO ERASE ALL OF HER MEMORIES FOREVER NO MATTER HOW MUCH THE PROCESS SCARES HER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUAUGHGHHHHHHHH

AND THEN AFTER EVERY BLOODFIEND OF HER BLOODLINE BUT HER DIES SHE'S CURSED WITH THE COLLECTIVE THIRST FOR BLOOD OF COUNTLESS GENERATIONS...... FORCING THE TITLE OF 'MOTHER' ON HER ......... WHEN SHE'D NEVER WANTED TO HAVE ANY DESCENDANTS EVEN BEFORE LAMANCHALAND ................... SLAMS MY HEAD AGAINST THE FUCKIGN WALL. IM SICK. IM ILL. . GOD IF YOU CAN HEAR ME ,

HEROOOO ON A PLASTIC HORSE FIGHTING LIKE IT'S REAL WITH A CARBOARD SWOOOOOORD /lyr

don quixote . ogh.

ok thats all thank you

scatters

[its-not-a-pen]

OK it’s finally happened! I’ve reached a new milestone!  Someone has read my story and COMPLETELY missed The Point. 

As you know, my Mandalorian AU  fic  is told from a stormtroopers POV. My intent was to explore the mundanity of evil and present a general indictment of fascism. (e.g. normal people are capable of committing atrocities and we need to be critical of our own actions). And while the general reception has been overwhelmingly positive, I got this ONE comment that is annoying me more that it should. 

Comment (from ff.net): 

“Oh thats powerful stuff.

The New Republic didnt make the galaxy a better place, did it? Too easy to keep supporting the Empire.

The Asset has horrifying powers; he can make anyone love and obey him. (He is just as bad as the Rakata in that sense). (If you have never met the Rakata; please be grateful).”

Buddy. Friend. Broseph. That’s not what I’m saying AT ALL. That is the UNRELIABLE NARRATOR with a HUGE bias reciting Imperial propaganda in an effort to assuage his guilt for kidnapping children! And that theory about Baby Yoda! Is wack! What even???    My reply (basically a short thesis of my entire work): 

“Thank you for your comment, I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! I love writing about cognitive dissonance and the mundanity of "evil." The Empire might be defeated but its influence still remains. There are still people who support the old regime and they were willing to excuse its tyranny for relative stability. Not only will the New Republic need to win battles, they need to win hearts.

I really enjoyed writing the character of Jorge the Stormtrooper because of his challenging psychology. It's easy to recognise evil when it's big and obvious, but what if it's comes to you dressed up as safety and stability and everything you've ever wanted? How far would you be willing to go? Jorge recognises on some level that he's doing wrong, but he continuously rationalises and deceives himself. It's so easy to propagandise people, especially when they want to be deceived. The stormtroopers start every day with a light brain-washing; the destruction of the Death Star was an act of terrorism. Information is so highly restricted they think they WON the fight with Boba Fett. It is easy to control people when you control the truth.

I want people to recognise that fact the average person is much closer to a stormtrooper than Luke Skywalker, but at the end of the day we all have a choice. We can chose to do the right thing.

I really like your interpretation of Grogu but in my opinion the baby's real power is innocence and humanity. Jorge continuously dehumanises the enemy and tries to seperate himself from his job. "the Asset" "the Mando" "you're not paid to think." But Grogu forces him to confront their humanity. Jorge empathises on some level with Din despite never meeting him because he is also a father, and he feels conflicted about how they treat Grogu. Is HE the bad guy? Is HE on the wrong side? The Empire's greatest fear is for its goons to realise "the enemy" are people too.

Lastly, I want to show why the Empire is doomed to fail. In chapter 2 multiple stormtroopers are injured in action and/or suffer PTSD but as long as they are "functional" their pain is ignored. The Empire does not care about their own people, not even the soldiers on the front lines. The system is built to reward cruelty and promote the most ruthless; each higher ranking officer is more sadistic than the last. They get results, but they needlessly sacrifice their own men. Everyone and everything is disposable and the machine chugs on. But the machine will eventually collapse under the weight of its own indifference.”

[exhausted-pigeon]

Was taged by @forcesofnatureunleashed (thank you 💜) so there is the meme!

-

-

Three ships:

... only three? 🥺

Fuck this is difficult I ship pretty much everything, I have a veritable fleat of ship by this point, even just counting DC. And like I have favourites but tbh it depends on the moment and want I'm craving for a story, or even what fic I'm reading.

But if we go with ships I have more ideas I want to explore I can whittle it down to:

BruJay, JaySteph, HoodHunter (aka Bao/Jason)

I'm in rare pair hell, if only because for the first two there are very few authors that write them the way I interpret them

With the honourable mention of HoodStroke (aka SladeJay), JayTalia, JayTera, and any and all combination of them (plus occasionally Bruce) in a polycule

Also let's not forget the Gotham polycule of Jay/Steph/Roy/Lonnie/Bao/Duke/Harper that appears in many of my ideas, usually not the full hand, but I love to squish this kids together (btw the Roy there is a mesh of Young Justice, RHatO, and post-crisis, and usually a clone of the original Roy, you know, because I like to make my life more complicated)

Also Joyfire because it's hot as fuck

Now I'm done

-

First ship:

Ehhh probably L/Light? My memories of when I started consuming fannish content are very vague but I think my fist true obsession was Death Note and by just chronology that would probably be the first ship I latched on

-

Last song:

Forever Ray "If Had a Heart" I still love this song even more of a decade later that I discovered it in a playlist dedicated to Death Gods (if I remember the title was "For Gods of Blood and Bones" I think?)

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Last movie:

Oh Gods, I haven't watched anything in so long, ehhh maybe The Old Guard? It's surely the last one that I remember seeking out.

Like there are many others that I wanted to watch but I just haven't done the "job" of finding them.

-

Currently reading:

... nevermind this is the hardest question.

What cont has "currently"? Because I have a pile of books that I have started and have yet to finish that it's absolutely embarrassing.

Look my ADHD has been even more of a bitch lately so this question will be on hold until my brain decides to collaborate again.

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Currently watching:

Very long YouTube videos while I draw/crochet, on what it depends on the mood of the day, but a good probably that it's something about history and historical fashion, media analysis, or leftist stuff

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Currently consuming:

Idk what this means but I will go with the podcast I'm listening: Malevolent, Horror Podcast N.9 (amazing if I just want something in the background or I just don't have the braincells to actually follow something more complicated), BS free witchcraft, Hex Positive

And I'm trying to get caught up on Welcome to Night Vale and the Juno Steel storyline from The penumbra podcast

-

Currently craving:

If it's food: savory mochi

If it's in general: a girlfriend or ADHD meds (I'm still struggling to get my prescription for that 🙃)

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-

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No pressure tags for anyone who wants to!

@redjaybathood

@cannibalisticcutie

@shhhenanigans

@dick-the3rd

@problem-bat

@someoneimsure

@iriascend

@dianartemiss

(ugh Forces you pretty much tagged all of my mutuals! Ok not all of them but surely a good half of them :P)

[lucy90712]

Sapnap- face cam

Wc- 1987

Warnings- none (I think)  I've been up for almost 30 hours mainly because I was doing college homework all of last night and because my boyfriend Sapnap was streaming and being very loud which kept me up in the first place which was why I did my homework anyway. I love Sapnap to death but sometime he can be a little annoying but I put up with it.

Sapnap only got into bed at 4am and he's still asleep now at 11pm meanwhile since then I've finished a big essay, cleaned the apartment, done another essay and then made breakfast for myself which I'm eating now. I wish I could be this productive when I've had sleep but somehow it never works like that.

Eventually Sapnap came downstairs sauntering because he was still sleepy, some of us wish. He walked right over giving me a hug from behind as I washed some dishes and gave me a kiss on my cheek.

"Morning babe you alright?" He asked

"Yeah I'm good a little tired but I'll live" I replied

"Just to let you know I'll be streaming later" he said

He always tells me when he's streaming because his fans don't know about us and he doesn't want to accidentally reveal anything to protect me which is cute but it gets hard when he streams for hours on end and I need help with something. Sapnap is good about to it though if I really need help I either text him or message him on discord and he'll help but he sometimes doesn't read his messages.

I gave him some of what I made for breakfast and he sat down to eat it while I talked at him about college work that he pretends to care about. He's very supportive of all my college work and he'll let me get on with things if I have to but he will also talk about things with me if I want to. Thats one of the best things about Sapnap is his ability to adapt to how I'm feeling at any given moment and I like to think I'm at least ok at doing the same for him.

After breakfast Sapnap cleaned the rest of the dishes and let me take a shower which was nice and relaxing and woke me up a little bit as the cold water at the start hit my back, usually I would not be under the water as it warmed up but today I felt like I needed a shock to my system to get it going for another day. I had more homework and a lecture to do today so there was no chance for a nap until the evening when it's kind of pointless anyway.

After my shower I got dressed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt because it was comfy for sitting down all day in. Sapnap had got my laptop ready for me and had got me a glass for water which was sweet of him. My lecture was in about 2 minutes so I logged onto the class ready for it to start, when it did I put my headphones on so that Sapnap didn't have to listen to my teacher going on about whatever we were doing today, he always says he doesn't care but even I don't want to listen to it sometimes so there is no way he does.

As I tapped away making notes Sapnap put his hand on my knee rubbing his thumb in circles comfortingly. He does this all the time whether its sat on the sofa like right now or while we're driving somewhere but its safe to say that I love it, it lets me know he's there in a weird way it's like he's acknowledging my presence. At one point he got up and went to the kitchen and when he came back he had my favourite snack which he put between us so that we could share. What a lovely boyfriend he's being today, I'm starting to wonder what he thinks he's done that's he's trying to make up for.

My lecture finally finished after what seemed like and age so I went to get straight on with my last essay that needed submitting by the end of the month but Sapnap shut my laptop before I could get the document open, he grabbed my hand and pulled me up from the sofa and towards the door.

"Come on were going out for a walk" he said

"Why, I have an essay to work on" I whined

"You'll never leave the house if I don't drag you out so come on" he said handing me my shoes

I put them on and grabbed a jacket because according to the weather it was meant to be a little bit chilly out today, Sapnap grabbed the house keys and pushed me out the door onto the street. We don't often go out on walks because neither of us like leaving the house that much if we were to go out it would most likely be in the car to just go for a drive.

The two of us walked down the street holding hands and swinging them back and forth as we took steps forwards. Sapnap clearly had a good idea of where he wanted to go because he was making turns all over the place. Eventually we ended up at the target not that far from our place and we went in looking at everything like you do in target and we topped up on some snacks for a movie night soon.

We left with our snacks and Sapnap dragged me to the nearest park so we could sit outside and get a bit more fresh air. The nearest park is actually the one that we went to on one of our first dates so we have good memories there, on one of the benches by the duck pond is where we had our first kiss and many more after that.

I always love going back to that park with Sapnap because each time we reminisce on the past and talk about the future which seems to change each time we come here. We walked to the exact bench that we had our first kiss on and sat down looking at the scenery. It had changed quite a bit since the first time we were here, there used to be a little play park for kids in the distance but now thats gone and is replaced with a small flower garden instead.

The first time we came here and we talked about the future all we wanted was to still be together after we left for college which of course happened, then the next time we wanted to move in together which we did and now. I'm not really sure what the future holds for us but I'm sure it will be interesting.

"Wow its been so long since we came here we have changed so much and achieved everything that we wanted to" he said

"I know its so weird to think that our last goal was to move in together and now we have been living together for 5 months where do you think we will end up in the future?" I asked

"On man I have no idea but I would love to still be living together and maybe in a bigger place and maybe even be engaged" he said

This shocked me I never expected him to say that but I guess that is the next logical step for us to take in our relationship.

"I like the sound of that" I said  

We went back home and Sapnap went to stream while I worked on my essay he didn't tell me how long he was going to stream for but it will probably be about 3 hours. So I sat down and got on with writing the last 15 pages of my essay which would probably take me the entire time he was streaming maybe longer.

My essay took me almost exactly 4 hours to do but when I tried to submit it it wouldn't upload which happens from time to time. I looked at the upload speed of the WiFi since Sapnap taught me how to do it and it was fine but I assumed that it was being used for something else. This problem has happened before when Sapnap is uploading a video so I assumed that was the issue.

It got up and walked to Sapnap’s streaming room waiting outside for a moment to double check that he wasn't still streaming, I waited a couple minutes and heard nothing so I knocked and went in.

As soon as I went in I saw that Sapnap was still streaming and his face cam was on which meant that I was now on his stream in front of however many people. I've never made such a stupid mistake especially one that outs my entire relationship, I just stood in shock not being able to move and get out of the shot. Sapnap had the exact same reaction his face was filled with shock and fear at the same time.

Nothing prepares you for the moment that you expose yourself live in front of probably 100,000 people or more who will record anything that happens. Nothing prepares you for the chaos that will ensue when you do the before mentioned thing and definitely nothing prepares you for the guilt you feel doing so.

"Um hi y/n" He said trying to make things less awkward

"Hey" I replied shyly

He motioned for me to come over because there was no point trying to hide this anymore since no one will believe anything we say now. I stood next to Sapnap luckily being short enough that I still fit in frame but he had obviously given up caring at this point because he pulled me down into his lap to sit while we talked to his chat. Again he did the thing where he rubs his thumb in a circle on my leg and this time it really was for comfort.

"Well chat this is y/n and shes my... girlfriend" he said

"Hi everyone" I said shyly

"Now chat I'm going to need you to be nice to her or I'll be angry because she is very precious to me" he said

His chat were going insane telling others to clip this and people getting way to excited about all of this and some were asking questions. The whole chat was going so incredibly fast that it was hard to read all the messages.

We answered some of the basic questions like how long we have been together and other things, people also asked if George and Dream knew which of course they did and they have made jokes about Sapnap having a girlfriend but no one ever took it too seriously. At one point dream joined the call and started mocking us for being stupid and exposing ourselves and he told some stories that he knew we wouldn't mind him saying which the chat enjoyed.

I started yawning more and more as I stayed on the stream because I wasn't keeping my mind busy my tiredness was taking over. I leant back into Sapnap to rest my head on his shoulder, he out his hand on my head running it through my hair which is very relaxing.

"Are you tired?" He asked

"No I'm fine I can stay awake" I said

"I don't want to hear it I know you've been awake for over 24 hours so you are going to sleep" he almost demanded

He put his arms around my waist and pulled me into a comfortable position where I closed my eyes and fell asleep almost right away forgetting that Sapnap was still streaming but it doesn't matter.

[ugh-againwiththenames]

So Many Fanfics So Little Time

This is just my list, I have seen so many (but if you want to use it it’s all yours too!).  I’m not a writer.  But I am a hell of a reader. Voracious one might argue. I just wanted to track my progress through the weeds of the absolutely never ending supply of Destiel and Cockles fanfic. 

Read on if you want to see what I’ve read, and what I’ve thought. I am but one person with opinions - some of them may be unpopular - some of them you might agree with, but if you find something you haven’t read here, I encourage you to do so. 

Honestly, this is just so I can track what I have read already, and when my friends ask, I can reference something easily. I have found some different fics on all kinds of ���best of’ lists all over the interwebs. And I love recs - so rec away friends. 

As someone who reads a solid 40 novels a year typically, I don’t come by the “I read a lot” innocently. I do actually read a LOT.  When not reading fanfic (a new obsession, all things being fair), I usually read a lot of Fantasy/high fantasy, romance/erotica, and or YA (yeah, that was a bit of a ride no?).  So from this one might digress that I like fluffy, cute stories, complicated and supernatural/paranormal type stories, and I sure do not shy away from violence or smut (or maybe violence with smut? *smirk*). 

I have read all of these in the last 2-3 months (I will continue to add as I go). I had never read a fanfic until 2-3 months ago.  A lot of these wonderful people are on here, and I mean you no offence by not directly tagging you - I’m still learning how to actually properly use this site. Links to AO3 are included (and I love you all). 

These aren’t necessarily in any real order - I did read T&S first, followed by 91W, and 4LW...after that it’s just a shit show of Long or Short, Destiel or Cockles - smorgasbord. Some of these are the most popular Fics out there, and others I’ve never seen recc’d anywhere (just sort of accidentally happened upon them).  So let’s get to it, shall we? 

Twist and Shout - ok look. I understand the stigma associated with this one, but it was the FIRST one I read. It was the ball that shot me down the hill, and I haven’t stopped since. So. I loved it. I CRIED like a baby. SOBBED. It was not the quality of the writing but the way the story was developed and delivered. I have Never Cried Like This Reading a Story IN MY LIFE. It’s a rite of passage. Read It and have an opinion - it doesn’t need to be mine.  

Author(s): gabriel, standbyme   https://archiveofourown.org/works/537876/chapters/955188

Ninety-One Whiskey - aka 91W, it is mentioned so much, and is SO worth the read.  I continued my dive into the war fics (not typically my bag really and here I was reading 2 in a row).  There are a couple of followup stories as well to this series (and yes, I’ve read them all).  Although I’ll say that the original is my favourite. I often got lost in a bit of the War/Tactical descriptions, but would recommend it to anyone anyway. Ugh...the “stolen moments”...they were at the same time tragic and the most amazing things ever.  You feel me? no? go read it. 

Author:  komodobits   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362190/chapters/5214500

Four Letter Word for Intercourse - aka 4LW.  OMG just, OMG. I loved this story. I loved it so much. I think I read it in a day.  Devoured it. It’s so HOT. Just read it. If you haven’t you’re missing out.  LEMME AT IT. I loved “knowing the secret”, and had some major anxiety about that realization dawning (I had to take a breath, and be like, no, no, this is gonna be a mess, but it’s gonna be SO GOOD - I was not disappointed).  There’s more than one work here too - read them all. PLEASE. 

Author: bendingsignpost  https://archiveofourown.org/works/16086839/chapters/37568591

Memories Bring Back Memories (Bring Back You) - This was the first Sobs one I read, but it sent me on a spree.  this is the Memory Loss one.  I have one piece of advice here - read everything by Sobsicles. You can thank me later...just go to her page, and fucking sort to supernatural (or not, read it all!) I’d list them but I’d fucking seriously be here all day.  Also, her tags make me laugh so hard.

Author:  sobsicles https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Orpheus - I love this one too, Tattooed!Cas, my LOVE. paired with Mechanic!Dean, my HEART, #help.  Read this one in one evening as well. (I was on a roll).  It’s a one night stand that turns into more (much like my last relationship)....hmm...maybe this is why I was pulled in - although to be fair that is the last similarity to my shitty love life! I do not remember how I stumbled onto this one (tattooed Cas may have been the draw...tbh). Read the warnings though, there is some triggering stuff in this one - but if you can handle it, it’s definitely worth the read. 

Author: sysrae       https://archiveofourown.org/works/2364347/chapters/5220227

Have Love, Will Travel - Can you say no to Stripper!Dean? Cause I sure as hell cannot. Typical sort of character development here with Dean having trust issues, and Cas being painfully awkward...(but in like a super cute way?).  Would Recommend. 

Author: squeemonster   https://archiveofourown.org/works/565455/chapters/1011747

The Inexhaustible Silence of Houses - Change of pace here...It’s got a nice twist.  I didn’t actually clue into how it was going to end until very near the end (maybe I was being oblivious), when the realization came over me and I was...man. I was DONE IN.  I hope that doesn’t spoil (I need some kind of way of remembering them). Voiceless!Cas Hunter!Dean

Author: Askance (doomcountry)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/560268/chapters/1000755

Adagio - This is super short, and super cute. Honestly, I would read the whole thing just for the last line. It’ll take you less than an hour if I remember correctly. Go, I’ll wait. I squeeed. did you? 

Author: noangelsinthegarrison   https://archiveofourown.org/works/1397248/chapters/2928145

Any Little Heartache - super easy read (not in a bad way, but in a ‘you’ll fly through it’ way).  It’s mid-length, not graphic, but really fun hospital AU. HeartSurgeon!Dean / Nurse!Cas - enemies to lovers anyone? Fuck you to Fuck me? yeah. YUM. 

Author: followthattardis https://archiveofourown.org/works/5143376/chapters/11838311

Ad Astra - This is another short(ish) one, just one chapter.  And by that I mean that this is written like a very long poem. Cas as a star who has visited Dean many times over the years of his life, that culminates in 4x01 barn scene. It’s ‘awe’ sad. ‘puppy dog eyes’ sad. The writing format took me a bit to understand what was happening - it’s my lack of poetry knowledge, not the writing.  

Author: nhixxie https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013491

Ad Astra Per Aspera - This is a cute story.  ESL writer, no judgement.  I found this while looking for the one above, and thought the premise looked cute - and it was. Misunderstanding leading to Dean realizing he’s actually Bi.  Miscommunication leading to realization.  

Author: Riverchester https://archiveofourown.org/works/12354336/chapters/28101816

Psalm 40:2 - Time travel post-canon Cas and Pre-series Dean.  If you’re wondering how that works, strap in for this ride, it’s well worth it. 

Author: unicornpoe https://archiveofourown.org/works/30786425/chapters/75992444

Addicted to You - Warlock!Dean/Incubus!Cas - accidental ‘mating’ (I actually really don’t like that word, but there’s sort of no avoiding it in this situation). Cute story.  When you drunk dial a succubus and get an incubus instead...Whatever will we do? 

Author: Ltleflrt https://archiveofourown.org/works/4387346/chapters/9959288 

A Glimpse Beyond - End Fix-it. Not yet complete, 10 chapters so far...I want MORE! Reliving memories Dean/Cas & Sam/Eileen.   

Author: NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/27731689/chapters/67875925

Cas-ti-el - Please I want more...It’s like the story just started. Please write more of this story!! 1 chapter, it’s a trope prompt challenge, but I want it to be a full on story of its own. Imprinted names of their soul mates, Dean doesn’t understand his (because it’s in a different language)...I’m frustrated by wanting this story to keep going. 

Author:  Valinde (Valyria)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/1941591

Our Bodies, Posessed by Light - another short one. Not going to lie, this one took a little getting used to, and I can’t say that I enjoyed it too much for the sole purpose that the premise gave me the willies.  Cas has to vessel jump - ends up in Sam...I got through it, it had a good ending, but yeah, sorry. This just wasn’t for me. 

Author:  obstinatrix  https://archiveofourown.org/works/260289

Peanut Butter Pumpkin Wedding Cake - Waiter!Dean / Writer!Cas - This is so effing cute, just misunderstanding after misunderstanding bumbling around like the couple of dorks that they are. It’s only one chapter. 100% would recommend. 

Author:  Sparseparsley https://archiveofourown.org/works/223962

Destiel, Actually - This is another super cute story, 5 chapters. Gabriel playing a singular role in putting Dean and Cas in awkward positions to push them together.  I fucking DIED at “oh, I am the sub” - needs context, but I guarantee you that you’ll laugh out loud...

Author:  Bexism  https://archiveofourown.org/works/399934/chapters/658398

The Smell Before the Rain - This was my first A/B/O - a big apology to all those who are into mpreg and whatnot, this was my lesson that I am not. this was not for me. Also - I’m a firm Cas (Alpha/Dom) believer, and i’m good with switch Cas, but it’s hard for me to take him being the full Omega here, when paired with the rest I just couldn’t do it. I finished it, but, not my thing. I know now. 

Author: jscribbles https://archiveofourown.org/works/22355230/chapters/53406127

Crazy Diamonds - This is another short one, only 3 chapters - it’s a body swap for Dean, 4x02 him and 2018 him swap places (assumption that 2018 him is “with” Cas).  It’s a super cute little story. 

Author:  pantheon_of_discord https://archiveofourown.org/works/16151642/chapters/37738631

The Breath of All Things - Wheelchair!Dean / Volunteer!Cas.  This is a lovely story, typical Dean self-hatred etc. Triggering for those with suicide warnings. It had me in tears at the end. There’s a really spectacular quote near the end that I found so romantic I screen grabbed it. 

Author:  KismetJeska https://archiveofourown.org/works/994750/chapters/1967519

Kind of a Forever Deal - SummerCamp!AU This is just a really cute and fluffy summer camp AU.  Which is so different from 91W (That’s right, check the author)! I was a little disappointed with the ending, but otherwise really enjoyed this all the way through and was loving all the discovery and young characterizations of all the characters. 

Author: komodobits https://archiveofourown.org/works/999291/chapters/1978478

Everytown, USA - Best way I can break this one down? Wanderer!Dean (listless and without a place in the world, he ends up in a small town...), Twin!Cas (that leads to some fun things). There are a number of points where you’re gonna yell at Dean for doing stupid shit (that are very much in character for him to do), you think, well, yes, obviously you’re going to do that you silly fucking boy [affectionate]; but whyyy? (but we know). 

Author: aileenrose https://archiveofourown.org/works/1797559/chapters/3854836

Chalk and Chainmail - HighSchool!AU, Cas is an artist, Dean LARP’s - it’s cute and angsty. 

Author:  lemonsorbae https://archiveofourown.org/works/804704/chapters/1517551

A Little Patience - Ok. you want smut? This is your story. You want Kink? This is your story.  I actually did not finish this. It got a little carried away in my opinion. It was VERY panty kink oriented (which, while essentially canon isn’t really my kink) so, if you want that Panty Kink on full display? Go forth and enjoy! it  is thirty something chapters, I got to the mid-twenties I Think. 

Author: riseofthefallenone https://archiveofourown.org/works/1750058/chapters/3739232

Control - I REALLY ENJOYED THIS. Which is saying a lot for someone who has already admitted that a Subby Cas isn’t really my HC - so to so thoroughly enjoy a Sub!Cas story? (maybe it’s the tattooes...*wink*). It’s an AU where Cas is the head of a company - Dean is a callboy I guess, for lack of a better term. Just read it.

Author: dothraki_shieldmaiden  https://archiveofourown.org/works/31156601/chapters/76993217

More (I copy pasted the next lot from my google doc, I’ll flush them out later - no i wont...)

Teach Me (short) - movie night in the bunker, things get a little carried away   Author:  Chiyume  https://archiveofourown.org/works/5961327

You Light the Spark (in my bonfire heart) (short) - when cas doesn't realize that dean is unaware of his feelings, super short, super cute                      Author: noangelsinthegarrison https://archiveofourown.org/works/1193910 

Communication Breakdown (short/cockles) - dean ends up in Jensen's head while he films the confession scene, no sexual content Author: jujubiest   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Look What You Made Me Do (short/cockles) -      -  Vegas Con 2020 / jensen comes out with a song     - cute short - no sexual content Author:  green_blue_heller https://archiveofourown.org/works/30251592 Full House (short/cockles) - reimagined version of the rented house story - putting it in order (so to speak). funny / cute / fluffy not explicit   Author: n_nami  https://archiveofourown.org/works/30855827

Cyber Sex (short/cockles) - anastiel https://archiveofourown.org/works/31467086      - shameless post GISH Fest zoom call porn      - Short (very short)

It's Complicated (cockles) - gail_morgan https://archiveofourown.org/works/31434938/chapters/77747519       The GISHtake (short/cockles) - MellyCrazyCoconut https://archiveofourown.org/works/31508099     - cute short post GISH zoom     - oops "babe, really?"  

(10.02.2021 updated) Since last update: New reads - Fuck i’m gonna be here all day - there’s not gonna be as much gonna be NO detail in these breakdowns...sorry! This has now just become a “what i’ve read list” as opposed to a Rec list...

Love, All Alike (Pt. 1 Love, All Alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4555599/chapters/10370646                             - Though The Stars Walk Backward (pt 2 Love, All alike) - Phantoms_and_Foxgloves

And this, your living kiss - opal_bullets   https://archiveofourown.org/works/18083927/chapters/42744872

Come On, Let's Strike a Match (Domination and Submission: a love story pt 1) - anyrei & queerwerewolf ***   https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722478/chapters/62458810    - Playing With Fire (D&S: a love story pt 2)    - We Kiss and the Flames Get Higher (D&S: a love story pt 3)     - Sparking That Old Flame (D&S: a love story pt 4) 

Cinderwings - bendingsignpost Cinderella!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/12847041/chapters/29336421

Linden - fleeceframe Swan!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33126730/chapters/82236118

No Netflix, No Chill (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28764966

Can't Drink You Away (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28785792 

Jensen Totally (Does Not!) Snore (short RPF) - Dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30315717

Dean Ships It (short) - dorian_they   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30349434

All about control - wingless   https://archiveofourown.org/works/9151930/chapters/20791243

Aesthetics in Autoerotica (pt 1 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant   https://archiveofourown.org/works/3885544                                                             - The Ties that Bind (pt 2 Aesthetics in Autoerotica) - relucant

Let's take a drive - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32581027/chapters/80819581 

Enchanted ink - castielslostwings TattooArtist!Dean TattooArtist!Castiel AU ***   https://archiveofourown.org/works/23043622/chapters/55109530

The bones beneath our skin - darknessbound   https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633754/chapters/59515804

The Plot (RPF) - Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2795588/chapters/6274970

The Gentle Force with which you Take Me (RPF) - Phoenix_Ascended   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32110120/chapters/79549183

According to all known laws of Life (Pt. 1 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29207901                                                          - and he's back (with a mind of his own) (pt. 2 Cursed Metaphors) - sobsicles

Six hundred sundays (and many more) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31158776

Aching in the Absence of you - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31832977/chapters/78811378

gorging myself on you, still can’t get full (insatiable) (Short) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32203291

memories bring back memories (bring back you) - sobsicles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022945/chapters/57796885

Dream Come True (short) - bendingsignpost   https://archiveofourown.org/works/28071159

tall grass - aeli_kindara   https://archiveofourown.org/works/13127040/chapters/30030726

asunder (Short) - rageprufrock https://archiveofourown.org/works/62115

Apheresis - bendingsignpost BloodDonor!AU **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32674783/chapters/81056680

we always were but never knew it - frightfullyrude   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32698324/chapters/81119503

In this Louisiana Bar (Short) - fleeceframe   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31764487

The Hitchhiker's Guide to Alternate Universes - n_nami   https://archiveofourown.org/works/32687929/chapters/81092785

my heart a compass - lagaudiere https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629951

Unsound Inverses - sp8ce (not complete)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29836881/chapters/73413300

The Jensen Mistake (RPFish) - fellshish   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31950169

tell me about the dream (Pt. 1 Kids are coming home) - playedwright   https://archiveofourown.org/works/27984813/chapters/68544450

It's handy to know (FIMMF Themed ;)) - RosaMarloes   https://archiveofourown.org/works/31761322

So Says The Sword - komodobits AngelTrueform!AU**   https://archiveofourown.org/works/12597892/chapters/28695592

Communication Breakdown (RPFish)- darkshrimpemotions (jujubiest)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/29669601/chapters/72951339

Carry You Home - Casloveshisfreckles   https://archiveofourown.org/works/26982637/chapters/65862916

In the Shadow of your Wings - Enochian Things (Salr323)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/7531294/chapters/17121655

When Harry Met Sally (RPF) (Pt. 1 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood   https://archiveofourown.org/works/7622347/chapters/17351845    - Eight Dildos (RPF) (Pt. 2 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood    - Attention, Please (RPF) (Pt. 3 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood             - Boat Trip (RPF) (Pt. 4 When Harry Met Sally ‘verse) - mnwood

A Winter's Tale - NorthernSparrow   https://archiveofourown.org/works/2654327/chapters/5930561

A Close Shave - NorthernSparrow https://archiveofourown.org/works/3090167

r/supernatural - renrub (short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/27626783

sam reads destiel fics - rebshome (short - funny!)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33721624

Angel Cookies - noxsoulmate Chirstmas!AU **  https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729640/chapters/26427765

Under The Midnight Sun - NorthernSparrow Arctic!AU **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/16690645/chapters/39143677

Bron-Yr-Aur - mrbluesky (Short) https://archiveofourown.org/works/28225335

The Dean Winchester Beat Sheet - saltyfeathers   https://archiveofourown.org/works/19258594/chapters/45800209

The Meaning On My Skin - saltnhalo   https://archiveofourown.org/works/18005378/chapters/42538133

Red Right Hand (Pt. 1 Murder Ballads)  - Duckyboos   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4306110/chapters/9760008    - Are you the One that I've been waiting for? (pt. 2 Murder Ballads) - Duckyboos   

Riptides - sharkfish   https://archiveofourown.org/works/13230426/chapters/30263556

Damn Fine Ride - Cimorene105 (pt 1 - rodeo) Cowboy!AU** (I’m a horse girl, sue me...)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/14342340    - My Face Just Does This, Sometimes - Cimorene105 (pt. 2 rodeo)    - The Kinkiest Thing I've Ever Done- Cimorene105 (pt 3 rodeo)    - All Signs Point to Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 4 rodeo)    - Monster Love - Cimorene105 (pt. 5 rodeo)    - My Man, The Siren - Cimorene105 (pt. 6 rodeo)    - A Pain in My Ass - Cimorene105 (pt. 7 rodeo)

Astrolabe (terra incognita pt 1) - reluctantabandon, Winter_of_our_Discontent   https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348812/chapters/7326794    - Drollery (terra incognita pt 2) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent    - Rubrication (terra incognita pt 3) - reluctantabandon Winter_of_our_Discontent

Go Down With This Ship - PorcupineGirl   https://archiveofourown.org/works/8023642/chapters/18370474

Fire and Ice - Castielslostwings (Firefighter/Paramedic AU!) **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/23286295/chapters/55768486

The Structural Similarities of Hunters and Onions - Faster_Than_the_Speed_of_Sound (Short)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/33383101

Castiel Novak's Office, This is Dean - emmbrancsxx0   https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411336/chapters/53545840

Out of the Deep (out of the deep pt. 1) - riseofthefallenone - MERMAID AU! **   https://archiveofourown.org/works/548878/chapters/977676

Dean (and Cas') Top 13 Zepp Traxx - pantheon_of_discord   https://archiveofourown.org/works/10909440/chapters/24256989

I'll Be Good - LittleAngelCassie   https://archiveofourown.org/works/4118334/chapters/9282234

Kenosis - CastielsCarma (Short - part of Destiel ABC collection)   https://archiveofourown.org/works/30411720

[spiltscribbles]

Prompt 37 (from the first list) and bodyguard au seems interesting

By the way I love your writing please never stopped just finished your recent fic and its one of my favourites.

~Notes: 😭😭😭 baby u can’t be out here recklessly making me sob!!! I am so flustered right now!! Thank you so much for being a beautiful soul 😌😌 ok NEGL the bodyguard thing is not here Becs I’m dumb and couldn’t think of one, but there’s protective sirius💜 I hope you don’t hate this!!! ILU!!!

.-

Smash Game  |  Send Me A Prompt💜 |  A Reblog Means SO Much!!!!

.-

Alphard Black was a good man,  a man of his community,   a man of the law. He taught the ins and outs of the constitution  at Columbia, never went an inch over the speed limit, hell, he even  separated his recyclables into their proper piles for the garbage collector, and  all while spending his down time volunteering at some sort of virtuous charity or impactful outreach program for inner city youths—the man basically leaped right out of the screen of some cheesy, after school special, wacky ties and rumpled hair aplenty.

Alphard Black was a virtuous, humble man who abided by the laws set out for him to a painstaking degree—So Sirius sorta thinks it’s hilarious that he’s kind of the exact antithesis of his uncle— the man who brought him up after running away from his bat shit parents and their bat shit values as the top of the one percent.  Just kind of though.

Sirius likes to think he’s still a good guy—albeit in the typical, non second coming of Christ wannabe kind of way.  He gives spare change to homeless folks at Grand Central, doesn’t sneer at raucous kids inside of restaurants or busses… for fuck’s sake  he even smiles at strangers more often than not—— just the typical, What a nice day isn’t it, smile and not, I’m actually a blood thirsty maniac ready to carve out all your organs and wrap your naked, dead body in saran wrap Dexter style, smile…Which is actually a type of smile Sirius has become intimately familiar with considering that unlike his Uncle Alphard, Sirius may have a problem with the whole “Laws are created for the good of the public,” ideology, and rather subscribes to the way of thought that thinks it’s kind of thrilling to see how much you can bend and skirt around the rules till they break, or till he gets caught. Which in turn mostly manifests into Sirius participating in a very high demand business—the sort that’ conducts it’s transactions within the metaphorical underground, and makes it so he spends his days with a group of brilliant  assholes that he considers family, and a discretely wicked boy who he thinks is most probably the love of his god forsaken life.

Mother Mary,  help them all.

~*~

“Padfoot too Moony, are you in, Moony.” 

A moment of static passes before Remus’s voice trickles through the minuscule bluetooth  snuggled in Sirius’s ear, and he can’t help but smirk. “Why are you still trying to make these codenames work—they don’t work, they’re all awful and trash,  and we should just stick with the numbers we were given when Moody first scouted us.”

“Mmm yeah, Moons, talk dirty to me.”

“You’re a fucking idiot,”

“Say trash again.”

“I hate you,” Remus intones. He  sounds all surly and bothered, and Sirius’s fingers curl together to card through the phantom strands  of his hair, knowing full and well how adorably flustered Remus gets whenever they are having one of their little sparring sessions—It’s also the same look he gets whenever he’s incredibly turned on and has no idea how to handle it. Coincidence? Sirius thinks not.

“Ah, Moony, my love, you say that as if my perfect baritone isn’t the highlight of your day. Like you don’t write sonnets and odes about it’s every cadence and lilt in your little diary you think I don’t know about. As if—“

“I’m shutting you off now,” Remus cuts in with his best, I’m trying to pretend  that I am so totally annoyed even if I’m actually really amused by you and all your antics, voice. It’s one that’s basically come second nature to him whenever he speaks to Sirius, ever since they had met three years ago and Sirius had to teach him the trick of the trade after Remus had been invited into the fold, while also trying not to completely accost him with his lips and hands and teeth until the work day was over.

“You would never.” 

“You seriously have an overinflated sense of worth if you’re starting to doubt that I very much would,” Remus goads, but he forgets that Sirius can see every nook and cranny of the swanky penthouse from his perch in the getaway van, thanks to his very beautiful laptop monitor.  And yeah, Sirius can so totally spot that little flicker of a grin tugging on the edges of his pink lips,  where Remus is trying to hide it behind the flute of wine in his grasp—his very strong and capable grasp, one that’s wrapped around the neck of that glass just so tight—Oh, erm, yeah. That’s  a thought Sirius should definitely not be having at their current predicament.

“Righto, beautiful, whatever you say.”

“Was there an actual reason for your little interference, besides you being pissy that you had to take the get away position this time around?” Remus sighs, long suffering before offering a subdued, half grin to a very haughty looking woman passing him, predatory leer on her plump lips. And jeez, Sirius bemoans her poor eardrums if they’re suppose to be carrying diamonds that thick all night long— Poor hag will probably end up needing stitches like his dear mother.

“I missed you is all, lover.”

“Goodbye, Sirius.”

“Oh fine, you total spoil sport. Just an FYI that Marlene’s gotten into the volt’s room, and she’s decoding it as we speak.”

“Oh, good. Should I-“

“Moons, it’s Marls, she’s got her shit handled. You just stand there and be a the good, pretty honeypot that we all know you can be.”

Remus growls somewhere deep in his throat, and it’s bringing a flurry of such beautiful imaginings to the forefront of Sirius’s mind— including last night, with Remus’s lovely, thin wrists tied up and Sirius’s mouth trailing up and down his every patch of skin.

God, was that a good night.

“You’re a pain in my ass.” 

“I know, it’s a point of pride for me that I get to say I tap that. But hey, always game to switch things up if you are?”

“You are the absolute worst person ever.”

“Ooo are we circling back around to speaking filthy things, because I’ve been having this fantasy including you and these lace—“

That’s when Remus actually does shut off the communication device, and starts chatting up some smarmy businessman who can’t stop staring at his protruding collarbones.

Sirius is most certainly not jealous.

Nope, not at all—Not even a little bit.

Sirius is not jealous.

Okay, fine…So he’s a bit bothered, but can anyone blame him? All of that—chorded muscles and sparkling eyes—is reserved for  Sirius, and Sirius alone. It’s taken years of volleying barbs and really intense sexual tension that was all finally resolved after a way too dramatic spat outside some sleazy BDSM club on the wrong side of town where Sirius got himself fucking shot, and Remus couldn’t stop yelling at him for being such a mother fucking, idiotic, thoughtless prick, (Remus’s words not Sirius’s,) for them to finally get to this point. For fuck’s sake, it seemed as if Remus’s anger fueled diatribe would never end, so Sirius just took the dilemma into his own hands and slanted their lips together, bloody and breathless, panting out an “I love you too,” while Remus just patted up and down Sirius’s torso, not knowing where to put his hands, dumbfounded and eager. As if he could hardly believe that it was actually happening, as if he was shocked that Sirius had finally just put them out of their mutual misery and spoke out loud what’s been lingering in their gazes, and tailing the ends of too short exchanges for years at that point—ones always composed of banter and barbs but always to fearful to take the extra step they yearned for.

Yeah, so it wasn’t exactly a cinderella story level of romance, but the point is they’ve fought tooth and nail to finally get to this point in their relationship. Nights made up of spilt hair on warm sheets, and  hungry kisses of farewell, and shirts tumbling together so many times that  they don’t even know which belongs to who anymore—All of them lingering with a sent of both of them, together. Something intimate. Something remarkable. Something far too soft when considering their line of employment—But it works for’m, and that’s all that counts.

Before Sirius could get to lost in getting all starry-eyed over the life they’ve built for themselves, Sirius moves to sweep his hands across the keyboard, A cautious eye still on Remus and his unwanted suitor while dividing the screen so that he can check back on Marlene’s progress, which is quite impressive if he does say so himself.

“And Black Widow pulls through again,” He commends with a low whistle, watching her practically stroll out of the volt, ancient artifact securely settled in the bag swinging off her shoulder, and cocky sneer proudly splayed across her pretty face.

“You know it dweeb.”

“THat’s not my code name,” Sirius points out  with a put upon exhale.

Marlene’s only response is to hike up her manicured brows in counterfeit surprise.  “you sure? I could’ve sworn…”

Sirius legitimately contemplates just driving off and leaving her stranded, signaling to Remus a separate meet up point for just the both of them. But Eventually, he reasons  that might be a bit of an over reaction. So he settles for just growling out a reminder for her  to “Respect the name,” while a glowing Marlene slinks into the passenger seat.

“Your so precious.” Sirius swats her hand away where she’s begun rubbing her knuckles into his scalp. “Call pretty boy and let’s bounce, will you?”

Reluctant, Sirius listens—only and only because he’s about ninety nine point five percent positive that she could probably beat’m to a pulp with one hand tied behind her back and both eyes glued shut.

~*~

The mission was one they’ve been calculating for months, a huge catch with a credibility brought with it that doubles its actual monetary prophet—(And wowza, that price check is all levels of ridiculous.) Moody is beyond  proud, and tells them as much with a crazy large celebration back at their little underground headquarters, (which is actually an entire floor on one of the top levels of a huge ass skyscraper in the meatpacking district that disguises itself as just a financial consultant firm in the light of day.)

It’s made even more wonderful considering how he, Remus and Marlene are basically the guests of honor for their success. So that night  they drink, and dance and just generally get absolutely slobbered…Then subsequently remember nothing the following morning, as tradition always dictates.

Though Sirius does  distinctly remember trading sloppy hand jobs in the bathroom with Remus while the latest Beyonce banger pounds in the space between them.

 It’s a good night.

~*~

Unsurprisingly, the hangover that persists even two days later really makes Sirius question the worth of all that celebrating, and he ponders on whether or not being sober would be so bad.

“Morning, Black!” 

Sirius cringes back at a crowing Dorcas—Looking as wickedly gorgeous and put together as always—Dark eyes clear and methodic, and long curls obviously freshly washed. 

“Sorcerous!” He accuses with as much vehemence as he could muster. “your evil! How are you even so perky! Stop it! Stop! You’re hurting my eyes!”

Dorcas just preens with far too much amusement than what should be warranted—it’s almost as if she’s enjoying his pitiful disposition. “Not all of us got as sloppy as you Saturday night may I remind.”

“Then you’re doing your entire life incorrectly.”

“I just have a modicum of self restraint, unlike you.”

“Lies! Lies and slander! I am so very disciplined! I didn’t even tell you guys about the time Remus gave me a blow job in the middle of a glass elevator when we were shopping for Jamsie and Lily’s engagement gift!”

Dorcas just rolls her eyes heavenwards, painstakingly exasperated. “C’mon, dumb ass, Alice needs you to use those hacking skills of yours to get the money Lestrange still owes us for collecting those tears of the ocean. And her bank account is sealed shut.”

“Ah, no Cas ’s too early! And my head hurts! I can’t.”

“Shouldn’t have been such a drunken mess during the party I reckon,” Dorcas scoffs with an imperious tilt of the head, tugging him along without even an ounce of sympathy.

“Hey! It was a celebration!” Sirius flails, and Dorcas just looks at him with a decidedly unconvinced glower. 

“It’s all in moderation Sirius.”

“Not at a party it isn’t!” He argues back, totally knowing he’s in the right.

“Yeah whatever, you’re just lucky you weren’t sent off to Shanghai with lover boy, which by the way,” Dorcas pivots on her heels  to face Sirius straight on, prodding at the juncture where his neck meets his shoulder.  “Looks like you missed a hickey sweets,” she toots loftily, poking at it again, a flush blooming across Sirius’s cheeks in response.  “Not good work decorum if you ask me.”

“You’re face ’s not good work decorum,” Sirius snarks back mulishly. Dorcas just laughs with glee.

“Do I need to talk to poor, innocent Remus about proper biting placement for you once he gets back?”

“Pff, Remus and innocent don’t belong in the same sentence.”

“Fine, then  I can just give you some tips on how to properly layer foundation? I’m sure it’s a travesty how easily shit shows up with your Wonder Bread complexion.”

“You actually are evil! Aren’t you?”

Sirius could still hear Dorcas’s cackles from down the hall where Alice has set him up for the morning, and he idly thinks to himself how exactly he’s made it so that every woman in his life could destroy him with nothing more than a look.

~*~

Considering that all of their  livelihoods are basically glorified bank robbers, Sirius knows that their jobs don’t really lend themselves to being able to check in on each other whenever they’d please—the only devices they’re allowed for communication are the bluetooth sets  for the team deployed on the task at hand, and a single burner. It can get annoying sometimes, but Sirius and Remus always make it a point to send each other a message from the router phone  whenever they arrive to the mission’s ground of operation—It’s a practice ingrained into them, one  they began long before they ever started dating, one  that they never break, not even if they’re arguing or it’s the middle of the night—It’s important. They’ve both lost to many people in their short lives, and they both know how it feels to be delegated to the worrying mess, wondering what’s happening to their loved one, being consumed by the most awful of possibilities. They do it because they respect each other far too much not to.

So Sirius finds it excruciatingly odd that he doesn’t hear from Remus in over thirty-six hours since he left to the Shanghai hit. 

“Maybe he just forgot, Pads,” James shrugs, always the level headed ringleader. “No Proclivity is absolutely bullet proof—Ah, excuse me for the unplanned pun.” He scratches the back of his head a little sheepishly— the glasses of his wireframes glinting in the light of their shared workspace.

And the thing is, point. James is totally right. Remus just could’ve forgot. It was a long plane ride, he could’ve just been jet legged and a little dazed and it could’ve just slipped his mind  to message Sirius when he landed. That’s totally a possibility. 

But see the thing is, that’s also totally not a possibility—like at all. Remus is like the most diligent person on the face of the planet, which may kind of seem out of character considering how he’s more of the type to follow his heart over protocol when it counts, and his entire livelihood is based off the evasion of the law—But even still, Remus is also the guy who likes a true and tried method. He likes having security in the aspects of his everyday  life he can control. Sirius knows how borderline neurotic Remus can get about certain things, like finishing all of his paper work the night it’s given, or having a stable workout regiment, and a bunch of other minuscule, everyday things that tethers him. But Sirius also knows that the texts Remus sends him blows all of those out of the water. They’re something crucial—something vitally important. If the roles were reversed, if it were Sirius who forgot to send the text, then yeah, Remus would have a perfect history to look back on and just shrug it off as Sirius having been thoughtless, no big deal. Remus would just make a note to give him  an ear full when he gets back. 

But the rolls aren’t reversed.

It’s Remus who didn’t send anything, and Sirius knows it in his heart of hearts that this is not normal, that Remus would never have forgotten. Remus would never have fucking been able to go to sleep without passing Sirius a message of safe arrival. It’s just not him. 

James still looks unsure even after Sirius’s way to verbose and borderline babbling explanation of why he knows something isn’t adding up, so he decides to hit him below the belt.

“If this were Lily you wouldn’t be second guessing this.” 

James jolts back as if Sirius had just smacked him, which Sirius guesses is kind of true, in the metaphoric sense at the very least. But whatever, Sirius’s right, and he knows it. 

IF this was Lily— the beautiful, kind baker that James had met coincidentally on a random Sunday afternoon, someone completely divorced from this world— well, there would  be no room for discussion.

“IF this were Lily you would trust your gut, and we’d already know what went wrong. We’d know that you were right, the she wasn’t safe.” Sirius’s face feels heated, and he knows that his throat is closing up, but he can’t help it god damn it. This is Remus—And even the thought of him being in any way hurt—No, Sirius refuses to think that way. Because he’s not, he can’t be. This is Remus god damn it. He’s brilliant and strong and he can handle himself. He’s what everyone in their group secretly strive to be—He’s not hurt, he can’t be hurt.

James just sits there, gawking at Sirius, for a moment of pure and utter silence. Sirius doesn’t even flinch, doesn’t fold back from the intensity in his best friend’s— his brother’s— gaze. 

“This is Remus god damn it, James”

Something fierce rippling over his face, James nods, finally seeming to understand.

“Let’s tell Moody,  and call a group meeting. We need to figure out what the hell’s going on.” 

Sirius sags with the little relief he’s given, pretends that it doesn’t feel like there’s not a wildfire still spreading over his chest  from the  bone deep fear.

~*~

Two hours later finds their little ragtag group huddled in the largest meeting room they have, and  Sirius hunched over a menacing letter that was hand delivered by one of Lestrange’s ghoulish little minions— Crouch if their intel is correct. 

“Any news is good news, right?” Peter— their mousey little researcher— says in some weak attempt of comfort from where he’s silently been situated in the love seat the furthest away from the lump some, and Sirius replies by snarling viciously at him;  making Peter shutter back, like the spineless weasel Sirius has always assumed him to be.

Sirius is not comforted. Sirius is furious and sick and he hates everything  in sight. And all Sirius could think of is Remus, Remus, Remus.

“What do we do,” James’s voice is strong, convicted in the painful silence of the room—But when Sirius looks up, he could still see the worry etched into his handsome features, and the fear threaded into his stance. 

James is scared, and that might worry Sirius more than anything else could. 

“This is my fault, I sanctioned just stealing the money she owed us and I was the one who thought Remus would be fine on a solo mission—I thought it’d be a simple grab. I didn’t put two and two together—I just didn’t—“ Alice breaks off, looking away from the group, and Frank slings an arm around his wife’s slender shoulders.

“Hey now, ’s not your fault, ’s not no ones,” as if to emphasize his point, Frank gives a downright menacing grimace to everyone in the room, daring them to disagree. “It’s Remus, he’s resilient. And that bitch knows if he’s actually hurt we’ll destroy everything she’s ever built for herself.” 

“Don’t be so sure,” Sirius’s surprised of the jaggedness of his own voice, leveling him with a look of utter fury. “She’s a psychotic, selfish, self indulgent bitch—There’s worse things than just beating him up or locking him in some cellar.” 

From the corner of his eye he sees Alice shutter, is briefly reminded of that stint where she was badly injured after a run in with one of the darker ringleaders in their line of work, Riddle. And then he remembers, unbidden, how that bastard has some sort of fucked up Harley Quinn, Joker esthetic going on with Bellatrix Lestrange— and a sick, twisted part of Sirius that actually does blame Alice for sanctioning those two risky missions so close together, is savagely pleased of the effect that the reminder has on her. But the rest of Sirius is just disgusted by himself and hates himself even more when remembering where Remus is at this very moment, and what he must be going through. There’s no time to be pointing fingers, and Sirius knows it.

“Whatever, no time to think of it now,” Sirius rises, and the way all of their eyes follow his every move (Even Moody who is the actual boss— doesn’t go over his head. 

“What do you think we should do from here?” Dorcas asks in a small voice, clutching onto the letter like a life line—She’s Remus’s best friend, Sirius knows that, knows that she stopped only skirting  along the edges of this unsavory line of work until Remus came along and helped her wiggle out of her shell. And the reminder makes Sirius feel such a burst of aching for Remus all at once that he nearly topples over, just barely catches himself with a hand on the tabletop.

“Peter,” Sirius barks, making the blonde finally straighten. “Check out where Bellatrix is scheduled to appear next.”

“Ah, erm on it, of course.” 

Sirius starts to feel a little better—no not better, balanced. He knows what needs to be done, what will   happen next, knows that it’ll turn out all right. 

It has to turn out all right, because he can’t fathom a world where it doesn’t— a world without Remus isn’t worth even a breath.

~*~

If there’s anything that Sirius knows about supreme bitch face herself, it’s that Bellatrix is  cavalier to a fault. So it really doesn’t surprise him when Peter finds out that she’s holding a little gala for her new play things art exhibit in her own home that night, and Sirius intends on giving his congratulations, whether or not he’s on the guest list. 

~*~

“Hey, can you hear me.” 

Sirius presses an inconspicuous finger onto his eardrum when Dorcas’s voice breaks through, speaking the affirmative. 

“All right, well Moody says that upstairs is most likely where you’ll find’m. Marlene and James will stay down at the party just incase anything goes wrong.” 

“Right,” Sirius nods to himself, trying to put together all the new information that’s swimming in his mind. “Thanks Cas.”

“Stay safe, and bring him home. Don’t fuck this up, Sirius.” Her voice is small and fragile. Sirius could picture the gleam to her big doe eyes. “We need you both safe.”

“Of course."

~*~

As expected, the upstairs is a labyrinth of doors and alcoves that Sirius could barely wrap his mind around, the only constant thought is that it makes sense that Bellatrix would want to keep the money from the job she had them perform for her. The rent for this place definitely can’t be cheap.

Sirius tries at least ten different rooms before he comes across one that’s locked from the inside as well as a deadbolt, and His heart seizes with a choked sort of hope before he starts pounding against it. 

“Remus! Remus! Are you in there!” His voice goes ragged at how loud he’s screaming, but Sirius doesn’t let up. He starts calling  for him even louder if possible. “Remus!” 

“Ah, ah, ah,” Sirius stiffens, his blood running cold before slowly turning around to a very amused looking Bellatrix Lestrange. Predatory sneer swept across her blood red lips, and weight slung to her left hip. The picture of radiance and leisure in her slinky, black dress. She’s having fun toying with Sirius, with all of them. 

“Where the fuck is he,” Sirius spits out tersely—trying to sear wholes right through her disarming face. He thinks with a start  that she’d be pretty in an almost unchanging way—a timeless elegance that kind of mirrors Remus’s. But where beneath Remus’s golden exterior is all passion and goodness and an endless capacity of love, under Bellatrix’s pale white skin and dark eyes and sheets of even darker hair is just ugliness and cruelty and Sirius has never hated anyone more, or so intensely.

“Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry that they sent the best of their group to the den,” She swaggers up to him, each step premeditated—a lion closing in on her prey, and her leer right then— self assured and cruel all at once— is like a mirror of his mother’s so thoroughly that it’s painful. “I’d really hate to ruin those movie star good looks you’ve got going on,” she runs the back of her hand down his face slowly, tendrils of her warm breath edging his lips. “And honey, you really are so deliciously gorgeous. But Moody needs to learn that no one double plays me so flippantly. No  respect, that kind of behavior  really can’t be tolerated. You understand that, don’t you  love?”

Right then, Bellatrix moves to  gouge Sirius right in the stomach with a dagger she had hidden in the sleeve of her dress—but Sirius’s quicker. 

He sweeps Bellatrix’s feet right from under her, twisting her arm behind her back and using her own weapon to chop off the doorknob, all in one fluid movement. Though,  he only has a sparing moment to feel boastful before he steps into the room to find Remus—sickly looking with blood matted in his golden locks, before everything turns to a buzzing in  the background—Sirius runs on autopilot, with the only crucial thought being to get Remus out safely. 

“Baby, I’m here, I’ve got you.” Sirius tells him with the words catching in his throat, and feels such a drowning amount of relief when he hears a gargled retort from Remus. “I’d never let anything happen to you, love. I’m so sorry. I’ll never let something like this happen again.” Sirius tells him with all the earnestness in the world, gently collecting him into his arms. “I’ve got you now, I won’t let go.” The promise is  as sure and true as the pump of his heart—Remus, Remus, Remus.

~*~

When they all return to headquarters, everyone circles a still limp and shallowly breathing Remus, while Dorcas figures out the extent of his injuries.

It’s the worst hour of his life Sirius thinks—The not knowing, it hurts like nothing else. And he swears once more, to himself and the moonlight and the stars peeking through the skyline that he’ll never let this happen, never again., doesn’t want Remus ever out of his sight.

~*~

A week later, and everything feels as if it’s back to normal—more or less.

Their bedroom smells like sage—thanks to the candles Lily bought Remus for his last birthday—And Remus’s swaddled into the most comfortable blanket Sirius could find—his twisted ankle elevated, and a fresh bowl of soup on his night stand.

It’d be the picture of absolute bliss… Now if Remus wasn’t scowling so morosely. 

“You seem mad,” Sirius notes, standing over him with a freshly fluffed pillow. Remus looks up at him from under his spider leg lashes, so very unimpressed.

“You’ve never taken care of me  nearly so intently   a day in your life.”  Remus charges.

“Untrue!” Sirius squawks in contrary. 

“When I got food poising from that sushi place last year, you blamed me for eating it wrong.”

“Yeah, well it’s blasphemous to ever blame Kimiko! The woman is a titan!” 

Remus’s mouth quirks up, his eyes twinkling with unadulterated adoration. “You’re an idiot.”

Sirius deflates. “Okay, so I might be kind of majorly mother penning it right now,” Remus cranes a incredulous brow. “Okay, okay so a lot mother penning it. But, Remus— love— you were missing—like legitimately missing. And then i found you and you were…” He trails off, can’t even speak the horrors of that night. 

“Yeah, I was,” Remus links their fingers together, pulling Sirius closer, and opening his mouth so that when Sirius crouches to come face to face, he can kiss him properly.  “But you happen to be a pretty all right boyfriend, you found me—I’m fine. You made sure of that.”

“More than all right prick,” Sirius knocks their foreheads together and Remus feigns being in excruciating pain. “I fucking hate you,” he snorts, saddling against Remus’s side, and nuzzling into his neck, taking in the miraculous scent of him— the citrus and cinnamon and sunlight that he’s come to crave at all hours of the day. “I love you sort of a lot, and it was the worst three days of my life, all right. Can you understand that?” 

Remus only hums,  kisses the tips of Sirius’s fingers before lacing them into his own.

“I understand, love, but Sirius, I’m fine. I’m here. You’re amazing, but you don’t need to protect me. Not constantly. This is our lives, and I need you to trust me that I can handle myself for the most part. All right?” 

Sirius makes a displeased sound, lips curled distastefully, and it makes Remus actually giggle like they were school boys again. And Jesus, Remus’s smile is blinding and beautiful and fucking hell, he’s here. He’s back in there room, back in Sirius’s arms.

“God, I missed you.”

Remus crunches upwards, kissing Sirius, and it feels like a promise that he’ll never leave him again. “I love you Sirius.”

Sirius leers, isn’t ready to have the conversation about learning how to let Remus go out without him. So instead he traces his thumb over Remus’s beautifully plump bottom lip, and bends down to whisper into his ear. “So can we talk about the lace then, because I’ve made some purchases and—“

Remus pushes him off their bed, and Sirius feels his laughter punching out of him in response.

~*~

~My Wolfstar FIC Index💜

[calumsash]

ok so i posted a cashton fic rec a couple of months ago and since then i have expanded my horizons and read more than just these two. this fandom truly has the best writers and i can’t thank you enough for the joy and comfort your fics bring me and many more im sure. most of these are cashton and cake since they are personally my favourite pairings to read, i still have many more on my to-read list so hopefully i make another one of these with more fics! so here we go in no particular order with the fics i got around to reading in these couple of months:

calum hood/ashton irwin

Empty Gut by @daydadahlias​ - Cowboys and horses and long, lonely nights in the wilderness. (11k)

here’s the thing, i have been hearing about jess’ fics from a friend of mine before i came across their blog, got many screenshots of their lashton fics (which the moment i start reading more lashton they’ll be first in line) and from what i saw i was in love with the writing. so when i saw you writing a brokeback mountain AU for cashton, none the less, you got me. it was so heartbreaking and i loved the way you wrote all of ashton’s inner monologues. i knew how the movie ends and i still cried at the ending for calum.

Fall Into Me by @ashtcnirwin​ - In which Ashton acquires a couple of piercings and it comes with a slight change in his way of being, and it throws Calum for a loop. (16k)

holy shit where do i start, it’s always refreshing to read sub!ash since usually it’s the opposite. i really loved the different dynamics you put into these fics between all the guys. one second i was laughing my ass off and another second it got way too hot in the room while reading this, which in my opinion is a great combo. also, im very grateful you graced us with a part two for this series cause when i didn’t think it could get better it did.

In Your Sweet December Haze by @fourdrunksluts​ - It’s been years since Ashton’s last seen his best friend's dorky little brother, Calum, but when their families decide to get together for their first shared Christmas since they were all kids, it’s more than just the holiday spirit that pulls Ashton in. (20k)

this fic has just the right amount of angst and comfort, i could literally picture this as a film. i loved the back and forth in the timeline and that way you slowly realize the chain of events that let them to the present. also, you made me cry over a furby and i can’t get over that.

i want you (bless my soul) by @michaelownsmyheart​ - In which Ashton moves in with a guy named Michael, Michael is in love with Luke and annoyed at Calum, and the guy with shaved blue hair from the elevator is too hot for Ashton to know what to do about it. (22k)

oh boy this is a good one, another sub!ash and im really loving this. the cashton here was excellent, but what was also excellent is the friendship between michael and ashton - their dynamic was so funny and sweet and they’re the perfect roommates.

calum hood/luke hemmings

He Did Ballet by @kaleidoscopeminds​ - Luke's life is perfectly on track. He is about to get everything he's ever wanted, to become a Principal dancer for the Royal Ballet. He's focused, determined and nothing will get in his way. Then he meets Calum, a smooth-tongued barman with dangerous eyes, and suddenly not everything's so simple. (37k)

the motherfuckin ballet fic everybody! the first cake fic i read and what got me into this mess. i really loved the buildup in the relationship and the combination of fluff and angst (chapter 7 im looking at you) and ballet au just has my heart ok?

more than just a neon weekend by @clumsyclifford​ - Calum shifts into a sitting position. The sheets fall further down his body and Luke looks down at his hands so he won’t stare. He’s still mostly naked, too, and he can feel Calum watching him, and his cheeks burn. Calum needs to leave. Calum needs to take his clothes and go and they need to never tell anyone about this and never talk about it again, because this could destroy the band if it turns into — if anything. (8k)

listen, im a sucker for angst and miscommunication and this got it. the whole fic got me hurting for both luke and, just wanting for them to be ok. “Means nothing to me if it’s nothing to you” you just had to hurt me huh. i was just waiting for them to talk properly and for them end each others pain.

the flatmate arrangement by @kaleidoscopeminds​ - Hi Calum/Poor Struggling Paralegal, So I’ll be upfront with you. It’s a one-bed flat. I also live here. HOWEVER before you delete this and think I’m a freak, I work nights so I wouldn’t be here anytime you would be. You can have the flat exclusively from 6 pm to 8 am, Saturday night and all day Sunday. Understand this sounds like a bit of a crazy arrangement but I could do with the cash, let me know what you think? Luke Hemmings (Poor Struggling Children’s Nurse). (20k)

this au is so cute, you really got me wishing to have a roommate that i will never see. i love how michael and ashton both were like “this is crazy, why do you wanna die?” and luke and calum are like “it’s fine, don’t be dramatic”. luke backing when he’s stressed? leaving calum baked goods? them leaving notes to each other? this is so sweet i love this fic.

michael clifford/ashton irwin

Gotta Be Cruel to be Kind by @fourdrunksluts​ - The fandom required 10 Things I Hate About You fic. (26k)

you are right. every fandom needs a 10 things i hate about you fic! and michael and ashton as patrick and kat was just perfect. side cake was also adorable. it got all the great parts of the movie, but you changed it in a way that made the story so much better.

luke hemmings/ashton irwin

Off-Screen by @allsassnoclass​ - Now that classes are being taught from home due to the pandemic, students are getting a glimpse into Professor Irwin's home life, especially when his mysterious husband keeps interrupting class. (3k)

i loved that this one was from an outsider’s perspective. it gave me the feeling like i was one of the students in ashton’s class haha. luke being a clingy husband is also adorable. just pure fluff.

OT4

Let Go Of Any Hesitation by @fourdrunksluts​ - When Ashton's frustration is a creative block, it becomes the entire band's problem, and they each have their own idea of how to get him out of his head. (18k)

this one got it all, i love reading about ashton getting all the attention and getting taken care of. truly is a sucker for ashton and his boys. ashton is so stubborn here, but the moment he lets go it’s so good.

once again, thank you for writing these, you all are incredible and deserve all the love ♥

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

THE FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION #46 30th December (TRANSLATION)

“Dir en grey MV shooting with 3D realistic avatars”

Appearance:

 Kaoru (DIR EN GREY direngrey.co.jp/)

 Joe Yokomizo (Writer / DJ)

 Tasai Reporter (Tokyo Sports)

 God ?

Notes before reading: This is a translation of The Freedom of Expression #46 uploaded last 30th December. Originally, I planned to upload this before the 31st livestream but in the end I couldn’t, so even if we know now how the 3D avatar MV looks like, I still want to share it here before finishing the livestream report.

Please don’t forget to subscribe to their channel and watch their actual video to support the program.

  Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts. ------ *In 2021, The Freedom of Expression will be uploaded on Wednesdays* Kaoru: Hello, this is Kaoru from Dir en grey…The Freedom of Expression is starting this time…. this week again…. Joe-san…. Tasai-san…. I feel like it’s being a while…. Joe: That’s true…. Tasai: That’s true… Kaoru: There was that program (we filmed) at that location…. *Kaoru means The Freedom of Expression #42 and #45* Joe&Tasai: Yes, yes…. Kaoru: And the time we recorded 4 programs on a row…. Joe: Ah, that’s right… Kaoru: We were free for a while… Joe: We were…. Nothing changed? Kaoru: Nothing changed, yes… Joe: It also seems like Tasai was busy as well…. Tasai: That’s right.  I saw the two of you before at the Niconico livestream…. *Kaoru appeared as a guest on Joe Yokomizo’s channel last 10th Dec* Joe&Kaoru: Ah! Joe: Thank you so much for watching!  Thank you for writing an article about it immediately!  *Tasai uploaded an article about the livestream at Tokyo Sports website* Tasai: I worked while feeling jealous of you two…. Joe: No, rather than that, wasn’t the Tokyo Sports sweatshirt, or  rather hoodie wore in a great shape? Tasai: Yes, thanks to you guys it’s going to be sold…. Joe: No,no….it’s thanks to Kaoru…. Kaoru: No,no…not at all…. Joe: Please make something for the second anniversary of the channel (Joe Yokomizo channel)…. Tasai: It seems that we will do a T-shirt collaboration again…. Joe: Oh! Kaoru: I’m looking forward to it. Joe: Someday, a collaboration set with The Freedom of Expression…. Tasai: Right? Joe: Yes. Tasai: Then, we could sell it… Joe: Sell it…. Tasai: And to go Okinawa…. Joe: Go to Okinawa? The three of them laugh. Joe: The plan is steadily progressing to that objective…. Tasai:  The three of us…. Joe:  Please….. (I hope that happens someday)….. Kaoru: So, back to the topic…..can you read the it?.... Joe: Yes, I can…..yes, this is another piece of good news….. *on screen* Title: “Dir en grey MV shooting with 3D realistic avatars” -Announced a MV created by shooting members with a 3D scanner. “The World You Live In” screening events were sold out on the same day that went on sale. In response to that, an online screening event called “The World You Live In ” -additional-“  will be streamed. With a special talk in which members will also appear, a music video created with characters using real avatars created with a 3D scanner will be screened. The song used for this will be their first digital single "Ochita koto no aru sora” that Dir en grey released in August this year. The scenes of the members performing are scanned, so it is possible to create scenes in various places. Joe: So, Kaoru…. Kaoru: Thank you for reading it…. Joe: This is really good news.…. Kaoru: Originally, the programs are uploaded on Friday…but we uploaded this earlier so we can talk about this….so this time it feels a little bit irregular…. Joe: An irregular update…. Tasai: But it’s ok…. Kaoru: Well, of course, I’ve already watched it…. Joe: You did? How was it? Kaoru: First, we took pictures, we got our makeup done, we took some body impressions and…. then, this thing…. how is it called?.... with a 360 degrees camera….then in another studio…another time…we wore clothes with dots….and then…..we played air….*kaoru plays air guitar* Joe: I see….You did as if you were performing…. Tasai: Ohh…. Kaoru: Then, with the pictures they took…. Joe: Sounds quite hard…. Kaoru: No, we were done in a moment…. Joe: Is that so? Kaoru: The pictures that were taken of me with my outfit….it was just a click, then the light and “yes, we are done”. Kaoru makes a comment about makeup. Joe: Maybe it would had been better to get more shoots… “Actually, how are the avatars going to be?” (top screen) Joe: When it was already done… Kaoru: The atmosphere of it….it feels like being inside a game…. Tasai: What about the outfits? Kaoru: It’s impossible to do with the outfits on…. Of course, you can do it if you take time to shoot like that…. Tasai: I see. Kaoru: But well…. Joe: It was done that way this time….as this comes out, naturally the first thing that comes to my mind is Kokoromi* *Kokoromi (ココロ見) TV program that has been broadcast irregularly since 2010 on NHK BS Premium. This program dedicated one episode to Hiroshi Ishiguro, director of the Intelligent Robotics Laboratory, part of the Department of Systems Innovation in the Graduate School of Engineering Science at Osaka University * Kaoru: That’s it…. Joe: It’s like you had the opportunity to do that…. Kaoru: Somehow, it was like….” we can do something like this”…..”is it going to be hard?”….. Joe: It’s like, you had a suggestion, and then it seemed possible to be done…. Kaoru: “So let’s try to do it” Joe: That is…. Tasai: I’m really looking forward to the screening…. Kaoru explains that for the recreation of his movements, he had to play holding his guitar higher than usual due to the pointers (dots) he had on him to capture the movements. Joe laughs and imitates Kaoru when he shows the position, he did to be able to do the procedure, playing the guitar chest high. Joe: Higher than usual…*playing air guitar at chest-high, Kaoru burst into laughter* “One of the highlights is the position of the guitar?” (top screen) Kaoru: When I saw it, I was thinking that…..”that’s really high!”*laughs* Joe: But the position of your guitar was like if another person was shooting instead of you... Kaoru: No, holding it up that way felt like when I play bass at home…. Joe: I see… Joe makes a joke about the photographer having to take his picture holding the guitar like that. Joe: Did the other members have to change it as well? Or just you? Because of that pointer…. Kaoru says that he thinks he is the only one who had to change. Joe: But Die plays guitar holding it really low…. Kaoru: That’s true… “About other members shooting” (on screen) Kaoru explains that he was watching the process and saw some impressions moving, like the shape of a person (before being completed) Kaoru: I saw just that, and I was like “Ah, Die!”…when I saw the appearance…..it gave me chills… Joe is curious about how they did the procedure with the drums. Kaoru explains that they took pictures of the drum set to reproduce a similar shape. Joe: Weren’t the drums the hardest (instrument)? Kaoru: Maybe…. Joe insists that the drums must had been hard to capture for the process. Then, he goes back to Kaoru holding the guitar chest high. He says that playing the guitar in a lower position is cool, Kaoru agrees. Joe adds that there are many guitarists that play the guitar like that, but he thinks there isn’t any that plays it that high (chest, almost shoulder, high lol) Kaoru: Not many…. Joe: Then, the song is the single… Kaoru: Yes Tasai: You are using (for this) the latest single “Ochita koto no aru sora”…. Joe:  Doing this mv once again in this way, see the reactions again… Kaoru: As it took more time to do, it’s like a polished-up version…. Joe: It’s like a new creation…..I’m looking forward to it…. “From 23:00 on 31/12” (on screen)” Kaoru explains how the stream is going to be. First, the performance, then the videos and later, a talk with the members. That it’s going to be the flow. Joe says he is looking forward to it, jokes about Kaoru playing guitar high chest. Kaoru wonders why God hasn’t say anything yet. Joe: God, are you there? God: I am! God is here! They laugh and “scold” him for not saying anything God: I already saw it! (the video) Joe: Did you? Tasai: Did God already see it too? God: I did, I did… Joe: But it’s because you are God, right? He is different from humans. Kaoru: As he is God, he can see everything, everywhere…. God: As I’m God, I have that power… Joe: Do you have that power? God: Yes….it was interesting…it looked interesting and cool…. Joe: Did you realized that Kaoru was playing his guitar that high? God: I didn’t pay much attention to that…. Joe: Is that so? Do you have any favourite part or a part that attracted your attention? God: Well, that’s right. The footage is good after all but, the song is good because after all, Dir en grey is good at writing songs…. They burst into laughs. Kaoru: Thank you *laughs* God: I think they are talented…. Kaoru: “They are good”*imitating God* Joe: You said they are good at it….like they are talented…. God: That’s because I’m God…. Joe: That’s right….you are a pro yourself…. What about other aspects such as the visuals or the song?.... God: It was fun…. Joe: Ah, it was fun….thank you for telling us… Tasai: God should also get an avatar (of himself)…. Joe: That’s right… Kaoru: indeed…. Joe: But we haven’t seen his appearance ever…. God: I can't show it yet…. Kaoru: We should do an avatar of him…. Joe: Right? It’s a possibility…. Kaoru: I think that Tasai could draw it (God’s avatar)…. *God's avatar drawn by reporter Tasai* (top screen) Joe: He has the skills….it’s legendary…. Kaoru: It’s legendary…. Joe: Then, let’s do that! Kaoru: Draw how you imagine him…. Tasai: My image of God…. Joe: We could draw him together… Kaoru talks about his face and so when God cuts in. God: God is just an old man, right? Kaoru: An old man? We got that…. The three of them laugh and start discussing about an idea of a story to draw. Tasai: You tell me that story, and I imagine it and then I draw it… Kaoru: An avatar of God…. Joe: An avatar of God……we could do a meeting with a screening and a talk…. The three of them laugh. Kaoru: Then, next year we are doing it again, from February….a screening of a live ‘Meguro Rock-May-Kan GIG’…..well it’s a concert film screening tour around the country….. Joe: And there will be a talk with the members? Kaoru: I think so…. Kaoru: So that’s it…. Joe: That’s it, right? Kaoru: Well, tomorrow, I hope you  all can watch the livestream…. Joe: That’s it….don’t miss it/stay tuned…. Kaoru: Well, I think it’s time to end the program…..Please subscribe to the channel…. Joe: Please subscribe…. Kaoru: Thank you for watching….! Tasai: Thank you for watching! God: Thank you for watching!

[free-pool-trash]

talking too fast - peter maximoff

this is my first peter maximoff fic, i actually really liked writing for him and i wouldn’t mind doing some more for him and maybe even warren if you guys would want that? idk this blog is kinda dead rn but i liked this request/idea a lot so show it some love if you like it <3

comments and reblogs are appreciated  <3

Request: Can you do like fake dating that end up in real love or something idk big cliché for our speedy boy. 'cause why tf not ksjdjdn

Word count: 3.7K (Jesus ok)

warning(s): swearing(it’s me, are we shocked? no), kinda angsty tbh, everyones a lil insecure but don’t worry it’s happy to end :)

(gifs not mine! he’s so cute oh my)

Peter Maximoff always had a tendency to go fast. That much could be seen in literally everything about him. The way he moved, the way he thought and if he was excited enough or angry enough, the way he spoke. You, of course, figured all of this out the hard way.  

It had started out innocently enough, some of the younger guys, mainly Scott, had made fun of Peter for not having a girlfriend, Peter, in response to the teasing told them that he did. He definitely didn't, but they didn't need to know that. And that's how you found yourself in your current predicament.

Peter was sprawled out on your bed, his legs hanging off the foot of the bed as he whined, “(Y/n) please! I need to prove I have a hot girlfriend!" 

Not looking up from the work you were doing at your desk, you laughed at him, "But Pete, you don't have a hot girlfriend."

The silver haired boy sighed audibly, lifting himself to sit up on your bed, at the same moment you spun around in your seat to face him.

"Nooooo…" He drew out and you shook your head in agreement, "No." You confirmed.

"But!" Peter shouted, pointing an accusing finger at you, a cheeky grin on his lips and his dimples peaking through.

"I do have a hot best friend!" He stated, wiggling his eyebrows at you, his grin turning pleading.

Peter was your best friend, ever since he'd joined the school of mutants he immediately became your favourite person and soon enough he'd claimed your best friend position. And vice versa.

You knew him better than he knew himself. So you also knew exactly what he was suggesting and you wouldn't lie and say that you never entertained the idea of being in a relationship with your doe eyed best friend, because you have, you've thought about it, you've thought about it way too much. 

For that reason you shook your head furiously at what he was insinuating, "Pete, no." 

He huffed, jumping off the bed and speeding infront of you, his eyes boring into yours. 

"Come on, sweetheart! It's not like we don't act like we're dating already, it's foolproof!" He reasoned and you couldn't dispute that you and Peter did act like a couple, and often got mistaken as already being a couple.

But still, you just couldn't put yourself through that sort of emotional stress, you wouldn't do it for a total stranger so you definitely wouldn't do it for your best friend who you've been harboring a huge crush on for the bones of a year. 

The risks it posed for your heart and your friendship with the speedster were just too high.

You couldn't help the laugh that fell from your throat as you watched Peter Maximoff, king of pranks and master of meaningless flirtations literally graveling on his knees in front of the chair you were sitting on. 

"Peter just because we cuddle in the common room and you call me 'sweetheart' sometimes does not mean we act like a couple."  right?

You told him only to be met by a frustrated whine, "Come on! I'm begging you! Just for like a week! Just to prove that I can get a hot girl to date me!" 

You stayed silent, looking at him expressionlessly. Don't give in.

"Please!" He pressed again. Don't.

"Pretty please! Hey, I'll even let you set the ground rules??? Huh???" He tried to persuade you, although he was speeding through every word he said, if you weren't used to him you probably wouldn't have caught half of what he was saying.

Don't. Fucking. Do. It.

His hands grabbed yours as he pulled you both up into standing position, he held your hands softly and gave you the puppy dog eyes that he knew always made you almost melt before releasing a final pleading, "Please?" 

Furrowing your eyebrows you let out the most dramatic sigh you could muster, but you couldn't hide the small smile growing on your lips "Fine, but you owe me." 

You're a fucking idiot. You scolded yourself silently. But how could you ever say no when he looks at you like you're the answer to everything? God you were more screwed than you thought.

"Yes! God I love my girlfriend!" He told you excitedly, pulling you in for a tight hug and kissing your cheek.

When Peter left your room that night your head was spinning and you couldn't be sure how things would go tomorrow.

Maybe you were overthinking it? You'd hold his hand for a few minutes and try and convince a bunch of sixteen years olds that your best friend could successfully obtain a girlfriend and then that would be it. But did you really want that to be it? No, you wanted more, but that you already knew. 

You'd set some ground rules with Peter to "protect the sanctity of our friendship" to which he'd laughed, but in reality the rules were to protect you from your own feelings.

Rule 1) No Kissing on the lips unless absolutely necessary

Rule 2) The lie would only be told to the students and not any of your colleagues (because you knew Peter's first stop would be rubbing your fake relationship in Warren Worthington III's face, they had some kind of light-hearted competition going on, you don't really know what it's about but you made it very clear to your best friend that you wanted no part in it.)

Rule 3) Peter cannot make comments about your fake sex life 

Rule 4) You had to wear an item of Peter's clothing to, in his words, "really sell the story."

And the final rule was, of course, no telling anybody it wasn't real.

The next day you and Peter walked hand and hand toward the common room where you could already hear Scott, Kurt, Jubilee and Jean chatting and having fun.

"You're so immature you know that, babe" You whisper quietly to your "boyfriend" while bumping his shoulders with your own which was clad in the material of his silver jacket. 

Abiding by the rules was all you were doing, you definitely weren't enjoying the way the sleeves were slightly too long so they covered your hands as far as your knuckles, or the way his scent covered you, that cologne he always wore which you happened to love the smell of and you definitely weren't enjoying the fact that despite the jacket being about two sizes too big for you it seemed to just fit. No, definitely not, you were just following Peter's rule.

He only laughed, "What's immature about wanting to show off my beautiful, stunning, hot, loving, smart, talented-" 

You had to cut him off before he could say the word "girlfriend" because you weren't his girlfriend, and hearing it would surely make you want to cry, right there in the hallway.

"Alright Romeo, I've already agreed to your babyish plan to psych out some teenagers, you don't have to butter me up."

As you entered the common room, Peter's face broke into a mischievous grin and you had a deep feeling in your stomach that this little show was going to go way too far. Hoping that this wouldn't be the end of your little show wasn't serving you very well at the moment.

You were absolutely screwed.

"Hey, nerds." Peter called out, pulling you into the room slightly behind him.

"Seriously, Maximoff? (Y/n)?" Scott asked as soon as he noticed your linked hands, his voice was disbelieving, you were a little offended honestly.

What's wrong with me? You wondered, if a pubescent sixteen year old boy could find faults in you maybe Peter was seeing the same things? Maybe that's why he doesn't really want you to be his girlfriend.

It seemed Peter noticed your panicked train of thought as he let go of your hand and wrapped an arm around your shoulder protectively, "What's that supposed to mean, Summers?"  

One of the things you loved about Peter was that he always defended you, even if you don't need defending he always has your back. But now wasn't the time to think about that, you could obsess about the feelings you so desperately try to hide for him later.

Noticing the growing irritation between the older 'couple' Scott shook his head, "No, nothing! (Y/n)'s hot, it's just, you two definitely aren't a thing."

At least they don't think I'm ugly, I guess.

 He stated, crossing his arms as the other teens nodded in agreement. All except Jean who was looking at you suspiciously.

"Why not?" Peter asked, raising an eyebrow. 

As the two boys entered what was essentially a pissing contest about how Peter couldn't handle you which turned into how Scott couldn't handle Jean and as it went on and on, Jean entered your head.

'You're not really dating are you?' she asked you, something hiding in her voice, a question within a question, there was something more she wanted to say.

'Why's me and Peter being together so hard to believe?' You asked her in response, sure Jean was a telepath but you've mastered the art of manipulating what she could see when she peaked in your mind, which is probably why she was so confused.

Not that you really had anything to hide from her, what you felt for the man arguing with the teen in the middle of the common room was genuine and authentic, but better safe than sorry.

'It's just… Don't you think you could do a little better?" She pushed and then you understood that had been what she really wanted to ask in the first place.

The question made you angry, how quick they were to lessen Peter's worth. This wasn't just an issue with the younger X-Men, but with the older ones too. It seemed that nobody could appreciate Peter Maximoff for the amazing person and mutant that he is. You knew it made him insecure, he'd confided in you on so many different occasions about his self worth and because of this you'd developed a need to throw hands with anyone that treated him like a joke.

He saw himself as a loser, so he let people treat him like one.

Before you could respond to Jean's question you were interrupted by Peter whining in your ear, "Baaaaaabe, tell these guys we're together!" 

Letting out a sigh to calm yourself, hiding your angry string of thoughts from Jean was exhausting, you let a small smile settle over your face and wrapped both your arms around Peter's middle, if they wanted a show you'd give them one.

"Okay kids, Peter and I are dating, we have been for the past while. We didn't say anything because we wanted to keep it on the down low but since it's out there now, yes, we are in fact, a couple." You confirmed, confidence clear in your voice, you were asserting the facts.

Peter nodded in agreement, a smug smile on his face, he looked so proud to call you his girlfriend and you felt a pang in your chest when you reminded yourself that it was only for show.

"How'd he manage to get a girl like you though? I don't get it." Scott piped up again and you couldn't hide the exhausted expression that crossed your face.

It got to Peter, the blatant disbelief towards him, you could tell his face fell ever so slightly before he regained his composure. So you squeezed him a little tighter.

"Well, he's sweet, he's caring, he's loyal, he knows me pretty much better than I know myself, he makes me smile and laugh, he knows exactly what to do when I'm sad and sure, sometimes he can be a little much and a huge pain in the ass but it's worth it." You told the group, squeezing Peter with every word you said, smiling at the little "hey" he let out when you called him a pain in the ass, the way he was looking down at you was so pure and loving that you completely forgot to remind yourself that it was just make believe.

Your description of your fake-but-wish-it-was-real-boyfriend received an "aww" from Jubilee and a smile from Kurt, Jean and Scott however, still looked apprehensive.

Keeping the red head out of your business was giving you a headache.

"Prove it." Scott challenged as you and Peter looked at each other in confusion, how were you supposed to prove it? These kids sure were ballsy.

"Kiss." Jean added and you couldn't physically stop your eyes from rolling and your lips from forming a smirk.

You were about to break your biggest rule, but you didn't care. The whole interaction with the teens had brought Peter's self-esteem way down and you could predict he'd be crying on your shoulder because of it later on tonight. You weren't going to deny him a kiss and you absolutely weren't going to embarrass him in front of Scott fucking Summers.

"Ok." You removed your arms from around Peter's middle and brought one hand to his cheek and let the other tangle in his Silver hair, he didn't miss a beat, immediately he pulled you flush against him and placed his hands on your hips, his movements were deliberate as if he'd been imagining kissing you for as long as you'd been imagining kissing him. You pushed that thought away, the truth that he didn't think about you that way hurt too much.

His lips met yours and you could've sworn you felt sparks flying from where your lips connected. The kiss was short but it was passionate and really, really, really good. His lips were chapped but soft and the way that they moved in sync with your own sent your head spinning and your heart flipping.

When you pulled away, Peter's lips chased yours and you giggled as he placed pecks on your lips multiple times before he finally allowed you to push him away.

If you weren't so caught up in the moment you would've cried, that was everything you've been wanting for so long, but it wasn't real. You didn't think about it though, it would get a chance to bring a tear to your eye later. When you're alone.

"Alright you're dating, Jesus, get a room." Scott scowled as he scrunched up his face in disgust at the display of affection he and his own girlfriend had demanded.

Laughing, you grabbed Peter's hand in yours and began walking back towards his room, you didn't feel like answering any more awkward questions and you needed a minute to recover from Jean's constant attempts to get into your subconscious.

Once you'd both entered Peter's room and shut the door behind you, you finally let your guard down with a loud sigh, flopping down on Peter's bed and throwing an arm across your eyes to block out the light.

"Jean's mind poking really is relentless huh?" Peter said, flopping down beside you. 

"Tell me about it. She's persistent as fuck." You laughed, turning your head to look at Peter, who was already looking at you.

"That no kissing rule didn't last too long, couldn't resist?" Peter asked jokingly but you could tell that he wanted to know what caused you to abandon your number one rule.

Chewing on your cheek, you debated on whether or not you should spill all or just tell him what he needed to know at this moment in time. Going this the latter you sighed again.

"They were being assholes, I wasn't gonna embarrass you by saying no, was I?" Peter's smile was soft but it didn't reach his eyes, your voice was quiet when you added, "Besides, you looked like you needed a kiss."

His face was now turned to the ceiling with a thoughtful look adorning his features. 

As you both laid side-by-side on the unmade double bed, close enough that your arms were touching but not close enough for your fingers to be intertwined, you, a hopeless romantic, hopelessly falling for your best friend as you wear his favorite jacket and lay on his bed. And Peter who looked like he was trying to figure out the universe's greatest mystery. As you laid with each other, a heavy silence settled over you both, until Peter turned his face back to you, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Can I ask you something, (Y/n)?" Nodding wordlessly, you turned your entire body to face him, so that you were laying on your side.

"Am I really that bad?" He asked, his brown eyes staring into yours.

"What do you mean?" You asked him, you knew where this conversation was about to go, but he had a lot to say and you wanted to let him let it all out.

"All those guys back there, they didn't think I could really be your boyfriend… and hey they're probably right, you could do better. But is it really that unbelievable that someone could love me?" His last question came out cracked and tears filled his chestnut eyes.

Your own eyebrows furrowed now, you put your hand on his face and brushed the tear that slipped from his eye away. "No, Pete. What's unbelievable to me is that people can't see how fucking incredible you are." You told him, your emotions coming through in your voice, anger and sadness taking over.

"No," Peter shook his head, again returning his face to look at the ceiling before he went on, "they're right, I couldn't get a girl, especially not one like you."

That hurt, you have to admit that it hurt you so bad to hear him talk so badly about himself but what hurt most was the fact that Peter didn't want a girl that was you, no, just one that was like you.

"You have a girl like me, Pete." You reminded him sadly, turning your own face to the ceiling.

Who knew one outing as a fake couple would be all it took to make you fall apart? You did, you knew from the beginning.

Peter was upset, it was obvious by the way he spoke next, too fast and before he thought.

"No, I don't, not really. You're this incredible, pretty girl. You're talented and your mutation is useful and everyone loves you! I'm just this loser who people don't take seriously and pretty soon you're going to realize that and just leave like everyone else." 

The pit of your stomach has never felt so deep before, it was so clear to you now, in his voice, it was there, he didn't trust you to stay. And that fact hurt more than any heartbreak of rejection ever could.

Sitting up on the bed, you looked down at him, fighting the tears that were attempting to gather in your eyes.

"I know you're not a loser, Peter. I know you're incredible and talented and maybe the best friend I've ever had. But if you think I'm shallow enough to leave you behind, for some preppy asshole, you really don't trust me as much as I trust you." You finished, tears falling freely as you got off of the bed and made your way toward the door before he sped infront of you, standing between you and the door.

His eyes were wide, like a deer caught in headlights, "That's not what I meant to say!" 

You didn't say anything, just stared at him, tears falling and waiting for him to say his piece.

"I trust you more than anyone, you know everything about me, I'm sorry my mouth was going too fast and it came out all wrong." He was still rushing through his words but he took a deep breath before going on again.

"What I was trying to say is," he swallowed thickly, he was nervous, scared even, "you're amazing, you're my best friend and I've had this scenario running in my head of maybe being more than just friends. But I was afraid if I told you and you didn't feel the same you'd leave because of how awkward it would be." 

Your heart was pounding, if you had a few broken ribs after this conversation  you wouldn't be surprised, "oh."

"And when I suggested you be my fake girlfriend you were so reluctant that I figured I never had a shot. But then we kissed and I just can't come to terms with a kiss like that meaning nothing." He told you, hands finding yours, carefully.

This time it was you who was speaking before thinking, "I'm in love with you."

Hearing the words fall out of your mouth, your eyes widened, months of trying to hide the fact and you managed to let it slip out into the open without it even crossing your mind first.

Taking a shaky breath you decided to speak again and hopefully ease Peter out of the shocked state your declaration put him in.

"I didn't wanna fake date you because I wanted to real date you and I was afraid it would hurt too much. That kiss, it was real for me, I had kinda been wanting to do it for a while." You confessed to him, squeezing his hands that were still holding onto yours.

A smile overtook his face, his dimples showing and his eyes brightening, his face was lit up with what seemed like pure happiness like a puppy who's owner just got home from work.

"I love you too." 

Oh thank God.

"I knew you couldn't resist." He added shooting you a cheeky wink before he pulled you against his chest, his face was so close to yours, your noses touched and his lips met yours again.

This time was different, though. It was real and you both knew it and both wanted it.

His fingers intertwined with yours as he pulled his lips away from yours, his boyish smile coming back as he rested his forehead against yours.

"So, um, do you maybe wanna be my girlfriend, like really be my girlfriend?" He asked, still nervous about asking you despite the fact you'd both just made your feelings toward each other perfectly clear.

"I'd love to." You replied, connecting your lips to his again.

Safe to say, fake dating Peter turned into a total shit show but you're really glad it did.

let me know what you think <33

[krankittoeleven]

[crashes in like the stay puft marshmallow man] please talk about ubba ragnarsson my favourite not-dad with sad dad energy

Would you like that in free form or essay formatting? (Also, I guess I should say SPOILERS ahead...I dunno, just incase a new player comes along.)

First Impression

I'm not even going to lie. I had to reload and watch his first cutscene again because I was a little dazed from Ivarr's first cutscene. Like seriously, give a person a bit of a break between melting their brains, twice, ya know?

But my first thoughts went something like: H E L L O your brother says you are a talker. Is this true? Please do keep talking. Oh yes, your worries are over, I assure you. But mine are just beginning. Thank you very much. Oh, right, we are here to like, overthrow a king or some shit, aren't we?

Impression Now

*THROWS CONTROLLER IN THE AIR* UBI WHY THE FUCK WON'T YOU LET ME BURY HIM YOU SADISTIC ASSHOLES. I mean, thank you, you gave him a pretty bad ass death even if it was off screen, but that's enough now. I keep wandering back there. Please end my misery.

Obviously, judging by the length of this post and all the screencaps I take, I love the guy. And honestly it has less to do with the game and more to do with an overactive imagination and a certain person in particular who encourages me way too much @gwynbleiddyn I'm looking at you. Oh that's weird, your name seems to be on this ask as well. STRANGE!!!

Also, Ubi, WHY did you have to tell me he wanted kids.  WHY?

Favorite Moment(s)

Ok, these are all really silly tiny little moments but I love them:

* When he puffs up like a big, fierce Viking after their failed talking attempt at Tamworth Fortress.

* The little interaction he has with Vili about Eivor when you go retrieve Sigurd in Suthsex.

* Committing arson with him in Guildford.

Idea for a Story

I have too many, my favorite is an AU that I will eventually get writing once my brain starts working properly again which involves Ubba, Vili, Eivor and Ivarr in all sorts of game related but not related scenarios and that's all I'll say because I've already jinxed myself enough with this fic.

Unpopular Opinion

Let's be real, for all that I love Ubba, he's a medium-ish side character and I have no idea what would constitute an "unpopular opinion" about him because most people aren't writing essay length opinions on him in the first place. So I'll just mention some criticisms I have and call it good.

I hate that he enables Ivarr. I don't think it's intentional, I think it's the result of him loving and caring for his brother, but he does it.

I also hate the fact that he so easily forgives Eivor for killing Ivarr. I love that scene where he goes to Ravensthorpe and gives Eivor the ring but that could have been more meaningful if he and Eivor did not part Quatford on the best of terms and Ubba had to really think over all of what happened.

I think it has a lot to do with bad writing on the game's part with the whole Vikings accept death easier because Valhalla, blah blah blah, but seriously? Who cuts someone so much slack for killing their brother no matter how much of a monumental pain in the ass he was?

Favorite Relationship

Problems aside, I like the sibling relationship between Ubba and Ivarr, it really runs the entire spectrum of emotions from Hilarity to Utter Sadness. My sister (half sister, even) is not a murderous Viking, but we have just as much in common as we have in difference and man, I can just vibe with the love/hate-ness of having a sibling that you once used to vibe with but, for the most part, don't anymore.

I also like the friendship that Ubba has with Eivor, it's solid. Hell, super solid if he can forgive Eivor for killing his brother. It's clear they trust each other and it's a real shame that the end to that relationship totally gets glossed over by Ubba dying off camera. Like, Eivor gets to send off/say goodbye to much more minor characters on screen. Why were they just like, eh, fuck it, with Ubba?

If we are talking ships, yeah, I ship Ubba/Eivor, but Ubba/Vili is my bread and butter. (I'm a crazy ass multi-shipper who can find a connection if given enough time LOL)

Favorite Headcanon

Well I'll just carry on from the end of the last part. I am currently eyeballs deep in my headcanon/fic of Ubba knowing Vili in his early 20s once Vili leaves Norway to go to England with his father, and it will never, ever, leave my head.

As a more general headcanon, I think Ubba has all the good booze, he will be your A #1 drinking buddy if you get in good with him.

And there you have it, if you were not absolutely positive that I am in a little deep when it comes to Ubba, this is probably definitive proof.

Cheers!

[monstersandmaw]

Evening to ya, Ghosti✌️😆

Sorry if the wording sounds silly, but I wanted to ask if you know any rituals I could do for the New Years. 🤣 Christmas hasn't been exactly an easy time for me for various reasons and I tend to get the holiday blues pretty bad, and for a long old while New Years has felt very similar. I'm doing my best to feel hopeful and to have some faith for the new year, but it's turning out to be trickier than I anticipated. So I wanted to ask for suggestions as to do anything that could help feeling more hopeful, I dunno. :3

Though feel free to ignore this if you don't have the energy for it. I hope you had delightful holiday however you celebrated!!! 😊💖💖💖💖

Hey anon! (it’s now afternoon here in the UK, and it was morning when I started this! I got a bit carried away). I don’t know that I’m necessarily the right person to ask about this, but here are some ideas of things I’ve found helpful/centring/calming anyway which you could draw from. Other folks, please feel free to chime in with your favourite ways to put the old year to bed and welcome in the new one!

(first of all, I’m sending you lots of virtual ghostli hugs to help drive away those holiday blues. That sucks, and I’m so sorry it’s been so tough for you.)

Here’s a rundown of what’s below, and I’ll put in a ‘keep reading’ so that it’s not an incredibly long post! Some of it is more on the ‘spiritutal’ side of things, and others are just mundane and practical things.

Congratulate yourself on making it through the clusterfuck that was 2020

Make some tea and meditate on what’s been and what you wish for

Go outside, be still, and breathe deeply

Let go of negative events and thoughts by writing them down, then safely burning the paper

Disconnect from social media for a few days (or however long you’re comfortable with)

Start a bullet journal

Write lists of goals for 2021 and then refine/distill them down to 3 manageable objectives

Commit 100% to 6 months of positive change

Pick three dates/months in the year when good things will happen, and make them happen (including growing veg/fruit)

Light a candle on the full moon or New Year

Ok, so, first of all, you’ve made it through this year!! That’s no small accomplishment, given the sheer volume of absolute shite that has been flung at us from all angles, no matter where in the world you live. Celebrate that. Seriously, I’m not being flippant. Take a moment of stillness wherever you are, be ‘present’, and just think about the fact that you’re here, right now, reading this post. Not everyone is here any more for one reason or another, but you did it. Congratulate yourself and celebrate that. Treat yourself to a slice of cake (or something you really enjoy) specifically to celebrate making it through 2020.

Make a cup of tea (try a new blend or recipe perhaps, or stick with your absolute favourite), or make a comforting drink of your choice. As you pour the water into the cup, breathe in the steam and enjoy the scent of it. Try and imbue all the positive things - memories, achievements, moments etc. - that you encountered this year into the tea/drink, and think about them growing in strength as the tea steeps, and envisage them continuing on to next year too. When you drink the tea, you take the positive thoughts into yourself and they become a part of you. You could try it in the morning with a caffeinated drink (if you enjoy those) and let it fuel you for the day, or you could try a herbal tea at night to let the good vibes steep overnight while you rest. Make it part of your daily routine; a private meditation.

Go outside and find a quiet spot somewhere and either stand or sit and just soak up the atmosphere. If there’s a tree nearby, think about the way its roots are planted in the earth, its trunk stands tall, and its branches reach towards the sky. Feel that space inside you. Breathe deeply in and out, visualising your lungs filling to the deepest parts, starting at the bottom. Count to four for each inhale, and six out (or whatever you’re comfortable with, so long as the exhale is longer than the inhale). This will help to still you and calm you.

If you have something fireproof (can just be a ceramic bowl), take a piece of paper and make a moment to write down all the negative things about this year, using a pen that you’re comfortable with. If you’re not one for words, draw pictures. You can make it really beautiful or just scribble it all down - it doesn’t matter. Get that shit out. Look at it for a while and read it through, mentally letting go of each thing as your eyes pass over it, then light one corner (carefully!!!) and let it burn somewhere with good ventilation (a cooker hood is good for that, but outside is better). Visualise all that negativity being swallowed by the universe and let it go. My favourite line from the Seamus Heaney translation of Beowulf comes at Beowulf’s funeral when a Geat woman is singing her grief at his passing to the sky, and there’s the simple sentence: “Heaven swallowed the smoke.” How beautiful is that? The sky swallowed up her grief as she poured it out to the universe. The negativity might take some time to vanish from your life (it’s not going to disappear at the same time as the paper, sadly!), but watching it go can be the first stage of letting things go. I did this last year, and I’m only just letting go of the last things on that list, but it was a start, and it made me feel more at peace. 

Disconnect from social media. I know that with so much more happening online this year out of necessity, we’ve become even more dependant on our phones and computers, and it’s wonderful that we have this chance to connect with people when we can’t see them face to face, but social media can also act as a crucible for negative feelings. People usually post the best or the worst aspects of what’s going on for them or what they care about, so it leads to a skewed view of both the world and of what’s going on amongst our connections. It’s easy to start feeling insignificant next to someone else because of their achievements or their looks etc. and it’s also easy to start to get a bleak outlook when the news is full of terrible stories and people are reacting to it in a volatile and often knee-jerk way. Take some time off - uninstall the apps, or put the limiter setting on, or just step back - for a day, two days, a week, whatever you’re comfortable with. It doesn’t have to be forever. If you use those platforms to talk to people, tell them what you’re doing, and give them another way to reach you if they need. No need to isolate yourself completely!! Think about how you felt before you started it (write it down?) and do the same afterwards, and compare. If it didn’t work for you, then that’s fine too. 

Start a bullet journal! Now is the perfect time to start bullet journaling. I first started this year when I felt like time was slipping through my fingers and my life was out of my control, and it’s really helped me to get a sense of order back. It’s not the magic cure-all for procrastinators and time wasters, trust me, but it can help to organise your mind as well as your day, and keep track of your habits etc. It can be literally whatever tool you need it to be. There’s a trend on social media - particularly Instagram and YouTube - that shows off these gorgeous journals that are basically works of art in themselves, and while it’s absolutely fine to aspire to that if you want to, the essential point of the bullet journal is to be a tool. You can buy print-outs from Etsy if you don’t fancy doing your own spreads. But don’t get completely hung up on pretty spreads and layouts because you won’t use it fully then. If you’ve got ‘new book fear’, like I did, make your own! I literally started my journaling by folding a few pieces of paper over, slapping a few stickers on them to cheer them up, and writing some lists. I didn’t buy a ‘proper’ journal until July 2020 when I’d got the hang of what I wanted out of the tool, and how to use it. I adapted one or two things, and I’ll be changing one or two things for next year, but it was a good way to start.

Here are two ‘minimalist’ journals and styles that I found helpful when setting mine up. They focus on usefulness and practicality, rather than overwhelming, artistic spreads and cutesy designs. I’m about to do a ‘plan with me 2021’ journal video for YouTube, so I’ll put that up when I’ve finished it, in case that’s helpful. 

Elsa Rhae

Pick Up Limes

Write down the things you want to achieve for 2021. These can be more abstract concepts like ‘more organised’ ‘healthier’ ‘start a business’ etc. Then, when you’ve got as many things as you’d ideally love to achieve/accomplish/manifest (don’t hold back at that stage), take another piece of paper and choose a maximum of six from that first lot to focus on, and below that, choose just three absolutely essential things to focus on. Make those your things for 2021.  

Now, this one is a personal one for me, so it may not be applicable at all to you/others, but I’ll share it anyway. For me, I need to make some significant lifestyle changes for my physical and mental health. So, I’ve decided to commit to 6 months of really hard work to bring about those changes. Time is going to pass anyway, from January to June. Six months will come and go anyway. Where will I be in six months’ time? I could be physically and mentally exactly where I am today. That thought is super depressing to me. Or, I could devote 200% focus, commitment, and energy, and bring about those changes, and be the ‘me’ I want to be in six months’ time.

It’s like the adage of ‘given a week to write a speech, it will take you a week, but given a day to write the same speech, it will take you a day’ - your brain will tell you it takes the amount of time that you have at hand to accomplish the task, and that’s simply how long it then takes. Use those three things from the 2021 list above, and commit to making those three things happen.

As an aside, tell someone (whose opinions you value) that you’re going to do this. By telling someone, you’re helping to cement the idea in reality, and you’ve got a support to turn to if it gets rocky, someone to cheer you on, and someone to celebrate with who knew what a struggle and commitment this was to you in the first place. 

Pick three points in the year where good things will happen. Book yourself something nice, save up for something and have it delivered then, or tell yourself that you will have achieved [x] by May, or September, or December. For me, it’s a working draft of my novel, and certain health goals by October, but make it yours, and keep those points fixed in your mind. It will help 2021 not to be one amorphous mass of time, and will give it structure and form. You could also choose to grow something in a pot - lots of vegetables can be grown cheaply from seed in a pot on a windowsill, and you’ll have something tasty to eat at the end of it!!

Here’s a slightly gentler idea to finish with: 

On New Year’s Eve take a moment to yourself, go outside if it’s not raining or too cold etc., light a candle, hold it (safely) in your hands, and be still. It doesn’t have to be exactly at midnight, but it will help your focus if it’s dark. Otherwise, go to a quiet part of the house and turn the lights down so that the candle flame is your focus. As before, think about what you’ve achieved this year, and be honest, not just negative! It’s very easy to say ‘oh I didn’t achieve anything, it all sucks, it was all awful’, when there will be tiny victories tucked away in there, I promise you, even if it was the toughest year of your life. Then think about where you are at the moment, mentally and physically. Acknowledge that state of being. Look at it with honest eyes. This moment is not for anyone else, so you don’t need to colour it one way or another. It’s for you. If you’re finding it hard not to be negative, be neutral. Let those thoughts come and go, and then turn your mind to the future. Mentally feed those negative thoughts into the flame in front of you, one at a time. Say it out loud if that helps, but do what makes you comfortable. Let the light from the flame fill your mind and your heart, and think about your intentions for the new year.  

Tonight (30th Dec) is a full moon, so if that is significant for you, you may wish to do this tonight instead of tomorrow. 

I hope that some of that gives you some inspiration, and I hope that people will chime in with their own new year’s rituals and habits. Be honest with yourself but not harsh, and be positive but not unrealistic. This year has been one hell of a ride, and we’re not done yet... Here in the UK, we’ve got the highest numbers of Covid that we’ve ever had, we’re in the harshest lock down (Tier 4) and can’t visit anyone, and we’re also going through Brexit (which is proving a nightmare for everyone, especially small businesses...).

Control the things you can control, and learn and employ systems to ride out the things that are beyond your influence. And take heart - you have a family of folks on here, all across the world!

[goneseriesanalysis]

Caine Soren

Hiya guys, so here are my thoughts and opinions on Caine from my re-read of the first book. I was planning on writing this quicker but my ADHD told me no. I’m prolly gonna write up a bunch now though because I’m ✨in the zone✨ Also, apologies but this is another long one because I am physically incapable of being concise 

Spoilers for Gone down below

Original Opinion: Most of my criticism on him as a character came as a result of later development so I’m not quite sure whether that will change as of yet. But as far as his role as a villain, I really enjoyed his character and what he brought to the story.

New Opinion: I still maintain that Caine is a good main villain for this book. I found him to be waaaaay different and way less competent than I remember, but boy is he interesting. I have so many thoughts on Caine and it was a real struggle getting them all down.

1.) CAINE’S APPEARANCE:

Ok so we are first introduced to Caine in chapter 14 through Sam’s POV. We see him standing apart from the other Coates kids “wearing a bright yellow V-necked sweater instead of a blazer.” This is obviously done to set him apart from the other Coates kids, and (forgive me for going all English teacher on you) the colour yellow has connotations of corruption and deceit, which fit in pretty nicely with Caine as a character. Sam then goes on to give us a more detailed description:

“He was handsome, even Sam noticed that. He had dark hair and dark eyes, not much different from Sam himself. But this boy’s face seemed to glow with an inner light. He radiated confidence, but without arrogance or condescension. In fact, he managed to seem genuinely humble even while standing alone, looking out over everyone else.”

This is one of my least favourite descriptions in the whole book because it simultaneously manages to tell us almost nothing about Caine’s appearance whilst making me cringe so hard that my muscles start to atrophy. Seen as we get very little description of Sam, telling us that Caine looks like Sam is pretty much useless – although it nicely sets up the brother twist – and dark hair and dark eyes could mean anything. Are his eyes blue, brown, black?? Is his hair black or brown?? Who knows?? Not me. And don’t even get me started on his face glowing with an inner light. Because no. I hate this line so much it actually hurts. I thought at first it may be in reference to his connection with the gaiaphage. But that makes no sense. It reminds me of the scene in The Great Gatsby where Nick describes Gatsby’s smile for about half a page and he just sounds ridiculous. I will admit the last two sentences give a good example of Caine’s ability to charm and manipulate those around him but the rest is just aaa

We also learn that he is handsome, which is then followed by what I consider to be a writer’s greatest sin. “He was handsome, even Sam noticed that” – Every. Single. Time a male character describes another male character who just so happens to be attractive in any given book from any author, we get this line. It is the writer’s equivalent of saying no homo and I’m going to make it my personal mission to call them all out on it.

Ok moving on – sorry about that. Rant over.

Sam then says that “His voice was clear and just a little higher, maybe, than Sam’s, but strong and determined. He had a way of looking at the crowed before him that made it seem he was meeting every person’s eye, seeing every person as an individual.” This is good at further establishing Caine as a leader, and shows his relationship with crowds, it gives the reader some indication of his ability to control. He is able to easily win over those of Perdido Beach with his charm.

Caine gets referred to as being attractive by a few other characters throughout the book, but the last main description we get of him is from Drake’s POV in chapter 20:

“Caine sat in his over-large leather chair, the one that had previously belonged to the mayor of Perdido Beach. It made him look small. It made him look very young. And to make matters worse, he was chewing on his thumbnail, which made it almost look like he was sucking his thumb.”

This description is kind of reminiscent of the scene with Sam and the shirt that I talked about in my Sam Temple post. He has taken over the mayor’s chair but he is not fit to take on the position of mayor. Whereas Sam’s weakness in leadership stems from his insecurities and doubts, it is Caine’s narcissism and over-confidence that make him unfit to lead. Michael gives Caine the compulsion of biting his thumbnail when he is nervous. This is a habit that people often pick up to deal with challenging emotions is a less destructive way (as opposed to having a meltdown or getting angry) and works nicely for Caine’s character. It shows that while he does have his moments where he loses control, he is capable of controlling himself to a certain degree, making it seem more likely that someone like Diana might align herself with him. This also helps to further the idea that despite his narcissism and delusions of grandeur, he is still just a kid. And of course sets up the idea that Drake is somewhat resentful towards Caine.

2.) CAINE’S PERSONALITY:

Caine’s personality is a difficult one to analyse as there are two main aspects to it – the personality he projects in order to manipulate people and his actual personality – and sometimes the line between these blurs to the point where it becomes unclear which one we are seeing. One thing that I did notice is that in this book we don’t actually get a Caine POV until the Thanksgiving battle, so we mostly see him through the eyes of Sam, Jack, Drake and Diana, who all have very different relationships with him.

As I mentioned before, we first see Caine through Sam’s POV, where we are introduced to what I’m gonna call his fake personality. Michael uses phrases such as “Caine appeared interested” alongside Astrid’s commentary, which lets the reader know that Caine is not what he appears to be, but of course the general population of Perdido Beach are not aware of this. One criticism I had towards the way that Caine’s character is portrayed is that it is initially hinted that the reason he is able to gain such control over people is because of his proficiency in manipulation and his superficial kindness (such as when he comforts the kid who asks for his mum). And yet he manages to fool almost no-one?? Astrid, Sam, Edilio, Albert, Mary and Howard all immediately see through his façade, which makes it hard to believe that this is how he gained such influence over people. (And of course all the kids at Coates who were cemented saw through it too). In fact I found myself to be kind of confused as to why anyone follows him at all?? Is it just a fear of his power?? That’s… a little disappointing. He doesn’t become mayor because he charms the population. He becomes mayor because no-one else wants to do it, and no-one can be bothered to oppose him. And even when people start to become more afraid, they aren’t afraid of Caine. It’s Drake. Although, you of course have to take into account the fact that these are just children who want someone they can look towards for help and guidance. Perhaps Caine’s persuasive abilities are less about using his charm to completely win people over and more about him being able to take advantage of situations that are presented to him. He has just enough superficial charm and makes just enough beneficial changes (such as laying down rules and protecting the food) that people are willing to overlook some of the more sinister things that he does.

That being said, I think my main issue with so many characters being able to see through Caine so quickly, is what it says about or “hero.” Sam doing nothing to stop Caine, despite him clearly knowing that Caine is bad news makes him seem a little selfish?? His insecurities stop him from doing what is right, and while it is good to have a flawed hero, his willingness to allow Caine to terrorise Perdido Beach up until he threatens Sam personally seems less like a small character flaw and more like a pretty big lapse in morality and compassion. Would Sam have ever taken control if Caine hadn’t kidnapped him?? If Sam had been fooled by Caine’s manipulation that would imo have made both of their characters better fit their respective roles of protagonist and antagonist.

That being said one of my absolute favourite lines regarding Caine is “Then let’s go in together,’ Caine said. He turned and marched purposefully up the church steps. The rest of the chosen fell in behind him.” in chapter 14. I think this perfectly captures the contrast between what Caine says and what he does, and I really love it.  One of Michael’s strengths is adding little throw away lines that can perfectly sum up a character and their intentions. And this idea of Caine saying something but meaning something else is pretty central to his character – the biggest pay-off we get from this in book 1 is him promising to protect the little’s and then (horrifyingly) feeding them to the coyotes in the final battle. This was a scene that I did not previously remember and man did I feel some emotions when reading it. There wasn’t even a second thought, absolutely no indication of remorse. I know a few times it’s mentioned throughout the books that the difference between Caine and Drake is that Caine only does what is necessary – but the scene with the coyotes really contradicts that idea.

Caine’s ‘real personality’ imo is shown in little moments throughout the books. By Caine’s real personality, I’m referring to the part of him that we don’t really see at all in this book, the part of him that is only really hinted at by Diana, and occasionally Drake. Even when Caine is around Diana and Drake, he still tries to keep up a persona – this time that of a cold and detached boy with little to no emotions. But this isn’t really who he is. I think the ‘real’ Caine is an extremely emotional person (although I would like to clarify that by emotional I mainly mean angry and sometimes scared) and there are a couple of moments where this does shine through. There are a few times where Caine loses his temper with both Drake and Diana, using his powers to injure them and to reiterate the power he has over them. I think this shows how insecure Caine truly is, despite what he would have others believe. He only ever breaks character when his authority is mocked or threatened, even if the threat holds no real intention (such as Diana’s jibe after he kisses her). I do find it interesting that, at the core, Sam and Caine are quite similar. It is how these insecurities manifest and project themselves that really define them as different. Caine’s insecurities also shine through in these quotes from Diana:

“Yes. Sam is a four bar. And Caine would freak.” – Chapter 29

“Caine, despite his over-sized ego, his looks, his charm, was terribly awkward with girls.” – Chapter 39

Caine needs to be in control. He needs to be the most powerful person in the room at all times, and the only two people who can really be considered a threat to him in this way are Diana and Sam. Sam is his main threat and Diana, of course, holds a certain amount of power over him due to his feelings towards her. However, any time that Diana seems to be gaining or trying to gain more power (most notably when she makes fun of him for kissing her and when she tries to make him call off the coyotes) he reacts with violence. But I’ll go into that more when I make a post about their relationship.

Another thing that I noticed about Caine that I hadn’t previously remembered is that, he’s a bit of a coward. We first see this in chapter 34 when Little Pete frees the Coates kids “Caine was quick. He backed away, turned, and ran for the building.” The one thing that really got me about this is that he didn’t wait for Diana. He just turned and saved himself. Which kind of brings into question why Diana stays with him. Does he offer protection?? He certainly didn’t here. He literally abandoned her and ran for the hills. The other time we really see this side of him when he uses Astrid as a human shield in chapter 45. Diana even comments on this, telling him to “be a man for once.” I don’t have much else to say about this, but I think it’s an interesting aspect of his personality that certainly makes it easier to dislike him.

Now the last thing I want to talk about in regards to his personality is chapter 36 (the chapter where Drake gets his arm cut off). Caine gets in three good moments during this scene, the first one being:

“It’s not Diana or Chunk or even me,’ Caine said. ‘It’s none of us, Drake. It’s Sam. It’s Sam who did this to you, Drake. You want him to get away with it? Or do you want to live long enough to make him suffer?”

This is one of my favourite Caine moments in the book, and it’s really one of the only times that we see his manipulation actually work on someone. He knows exactly what to say to Drake in order to shift the blame in the direction he wants. Forget that I left you behind to deal with Sam and the escaped kids yourself. Forget that Diana is sawing your arm off. Just focus on Sam. And I think this line had such an effect on Drake’s psyche (which I will explore more in my Drake post) and really excellently shows off Caine’s ability to take advantage of a pre-existing situation in order to benefit himself.

The next two moments are where I really think the lines between Caine’s persona and the ‘real’ Caine blur to the point where it’s unclear which side of him we are seeing – and I think there is an argument for both although imo I feel like it’s his persona that we are seeing.

“It’s the only way to stop the pain,’ Caine said, almost showing some emotion, some pity. ‘The arm is done for Drake-man.”

“Don’t cut off my arm,’ Drake cried. ‘Let me die. Just let me die. Shoot me.           ‘Sorry,’ Caine said. ‘But I still need you, Drake. Even one-handed.”

So, we first get the idea that Caine, at least somewhat, feels sorry for Drake. Drake’s injury is horrific and it’s clear that other characters, such as Jack and Diana, who are usually nothing but hostile to Drake (and rightfully so) feel some sympathy towards the situation. Now it’s also important to note that this scene is from Drake’s POV so we don’t actually know if the sympathy Caine is showing is real, is part of his attempt to manipulate Drake, or isn’t there at all and is just something that Drake wants. (I think the last option is entirely plausible as Drake often seeks praise from Caine, so in a situation like this it makes sense that he would seek some empathy). However, Caine then goes on to refuse Drake’s plea for death… because he needs him. Not because he’s a friend – or even just an ally. Not because he doesn’t want him to die. But because he needs him. That’s cold. And it’s really cold to tell him that – which leads me to believe that the almost sympathy Drake sees earlier on was never there, or at the very least was just a manipulation tactic. Caine cares so little for the people around him and I find it quite funny that it was his treatment of Drake (the person probably most deserving of it) in this scene that really showed me how much of a villain Caine can be.

3.) CAINE’S MOTIVATIONS:

Why does Caine do the things he does?? Why does he need to be in control?? And while we don’t really get much insight into Caine’s head in this book, there are a few good moments which allowed a reader to speculate as to what his motivations are. The first moment that really stood out to me was in chapter 39, where Caine tries to open up to Diana about his parents:

“I always had the feeling, you know? That my family wasn’t my real family. They never said I was adopted, but my mother – well, the woman I thought was my mother, I don’t know what to call her now. Anyway, her, she never talked about having me. You know, you hear moms talking about going into labour and all. She never talked about that.”

From this, we can see that Caine always felt like an outsider within his own family, he always felt like he didn’t belong. And this seems to be a pretty big motivator when it comes to Caine’s need to take over, to have power over everyone else. If he has control, then he will always have a place. He will always belong because the world will be his. Caine never fit in in the real world, his narcissism (and probably psychopathy) distanced him from other people right from the get go. But in this new world, in the FAYZ, Caine has a chance to be important, to be a ruler and he’s willing to do pretty much anything to get that. I think this idea, of his need for power and control stemming from the lack of acceptance and belonging he felt with his family, is emphasised in chapter 46, during the poof:

“Caine seemed spellbound, unable to tear his gaze away from the gentle, smiling face, the piercing blue eyes.                                                                        ‘Why?’ Caine asked in a small child’s voice.                                                             […]                                                                                                                          ‘Why him and not me?’ Caine asked.”

This is the only time I felt the slightest bit of sympathy for Caine during my re-read of this book. He is 14. A kid. He spent his whole life feeling like and outsider and now he knows that a woman he knew, a woman that he saw almost every night is his actual mother. That she also knew this and yet never tried to talk to him, to explain, to do anything. And now he’s looking at ‘her’ and all he wants to know is why. Why did she give him up?? He lacks empathy and many other emotions that allow healthy relationships with others, yet he still wants people to have that connection with him. He needs him and rely on him. So his solution is to gain enough power, enough authority and control so that people have to listen to him and have to rely on him. He doesn’t care how many people he hurts or pisses off, because in the end, if he gets what he wants, that won’t matter. He’ll be too powerful for it to matter because they’ll still need him anyway. And that’s why “All that matters is winning. So save it.” – Chapter 45

4.) CAINE’S INTENTIONS/ HIS ROLE AS A VILLAIN:

Caine’s intentions are pretty obvious from the very first time we meet him in chapter 14. And, of course, it is these intentions that really define his role as a villain. Now, in chapter 14, it never outright says that Caine’s intentions are to take complete control over Perdido Beach. In fact, Caine tries to make it seem like he wants to make a collaborative effort to help them all move forward. But once again, his actions contradict his words, most notably in these lines:

“Orc grunted, shifted the bat from right hand to left, and stuck out his thick paw. Caine grabbed it with both his hands and solemnly looked Orc in the eye as they shook hands.”

“But Caine grabbed his elbow and manoeuvred him into a handshake.” [Referring to Sam]

“Caine had moved confidently towards the altar.”

These lines subtly show that, whilst Caine talks about working together, he is really the one in charge. He is the one dictating what is happening and when it is happening, forcing Sam and Orc to shake his hand. Giving them jobs so that he can keep an eye on them (Orc) or keep them out of the way (Sam). And of course, he won’t stand with them in the church. They don’t sit around a table and talk as equals. Caine has to be up at the front. He also gets extremely angry when other people make demands, or give an idea that he can’t take credit for. The most obvious example of this being in response to Howard telling him that they wouldn’t be working for Drake.  “Sam saw a coldly furious expression appear on Caine’s handsome face, then disappear as swiftly as it had come.” This is then followed up by Caine ripping a 12ft cross off of a wall and launching it at them, so it’s safe to say that he doesn’t appreciate his authority being challenged.

Later in the book we then get more obvious examples of his intentions, as his role as the villain is fully unveiled:

“Caine, to the surprise of no-one who knew him, had taken over the mayor’s office.” – Chapter 15

“Number one says Caine is the mayor of Perdido Beach and the whole area known as the FAYZ.” – Chapter 16

After Caine basically walks into Perdido Beach, tells everyone what to do, and gets away with it, he begins to be more outright with his intentions. He immediately takes over the mayor’s office, and makes his new title of mayor the very first rule to be enforced. He isn’t really all that secretive about his intentions, at least not after the initial meeting. I think this is a measure of his confidence – he doesn’t feel at all threatened by the people of Perdido Beach. I think one of the reasons that Caine is such a good villain, is that when he is in control, he isn’t that bad?? I mean sure, having Drake as sheriff is less than ideal, but Caine himself is not a bad leader. He comes up with rules that both make sense and do actively increase the quality of life of those in Perdido Beach (minus the no magic tricks rule). It’s only what Caine is willing to do in order to get that power that actually makes him the villain. Once he has it, he’s not really a threat?? And then of course, we get Caine’s fantastic little speech in chapter 42 that really just sums up all these ideas in much less words:

“What was I supposed to do? Coates? That’s it? How do you not see what an opportunity this is? We’re in a whole new world. I’m the most powerful person in that whole new world. No adults. No parents or teachers or cops. It’s perfect. Perfect for me. All I have to do is take care of Sam and a few others, and I’ll have complete control.”

Because if it wasn’t for his ego, if he hadn’t attacked Sam, if he hadn’t used Drake to cause fear and enmity, he would have had it. He would have gotten his complete control, because no-one else really wanted to be in charge. The fool is his own worst enemy.

5.) CAINE’S POWERS:

So, the last thing I wanted to discuss about Caine, is his powers. To me, it seemed whilst reading that his powers are almost an extension of his personality. Caine is naturally a very domineering person, and so it makes sense that his power is the ability to control things with his mind. The first time we see Caine’s powers (also the first time we see anyone purposefully use their powers) is in the church:

“Caine sighed, raised his hands, and used both palms to smooth back his hair.                                                   There came a rumble, up through the floor and pews. A small earthquake…                                        […]                                                                                                                                                                   But then came a rending sound, steel and wood twisting, and the crucifix separated from the wall. It ripped free of the bolts holding it in place, like an invisible giant had yanked it away.                              […]                                                                                                                                                             The crucifix toppled forwards. It fell like a chain sawed tree.                                                                                                             As it fell, Caine dropped his hands to his sides. His face was grim, hard, and angry.                                                                                                 The crucifix, at least a dozen feet tall, slammed with shocking force down onto the front-row pew. The impact was as loud and sudden as a car wreck.” – Chapter 14

I like how, similarly to the way he talks, the first time we see a display of his power, he is hiding it – his body language is suggesting one action whilst he is actually doing something else entirely. This again makes me feel like the powers are an extension of personalities (and I will give other examples of this is later posts).  I also noticed that the use of his powers is almost always as a response to his anger, something that Sam also learns to do thanks to Astrid’s guidance. These two scenes are great examples of this:

“Caine’s smile was cold. He raised his hand, palm out. An invisible fist hit Sam in the face. He staggered back. He barely stopped himself from falling, but his head was reeling. Blood leaked from his nose.” – Chapter 21

“Caine reached back over his shoulder with one hand, not even looking back. He spread his fingers, bared his palms. The fallen portion of the wall came apart, brick by brick. One by one, as though each brick had sprouted wings, they lifted off and flew. The bricks hurtled past Caine’s head and through the open door as fast as machine-gun bullets.” – Chapter 31

Unlike Sam, who often uses his powers as a defence strategy, Caine always uses them as a method of attack. He attacks Orc’s gang, Drake, Sam and Andrew – not as a last resort, but as a warning. He likes to make a big display of his power in order to deter people from actually engaging in a fight. Although when it does come down to an actual fight, he tends to be a little less confrontational and a little bit more of a coward. I mean come one. Hiding behind Astrid was low. At least this is the case in book 1.

Next, is the development of his powers. Unlike Sam, we know that Caine did not discover his powers alone:

“Several of us developed strange powers, starting a few months ago,’ Caine said conversationally. ‘We were like a secret club. Frederico, Andrew, Dekka, Brianna, some others. We worked together to develop them. Encouraged each other. See, that’s the difference between Coates people and you townies. In boarding school it’s hard to keep secrets. But soon it became clear that my powers were of a whole different order. What I just did to you? No one else could do that.”

The Coates kids formed a sort of support group for each other, which is why they have such a good understanding of their powers, as opposed to Lana and the Perdido Beach kids, who either hid their powers or else didn’t discover them until the FAYZ began. One thing that I do find interesting about this, is that the Coates kids all seemed to develop their powers pretty late. Caine says that the powers started a few months ago, and yet Sam first used his 14 months before the FAYZ began. I think that goes to show how the Coates environment really gave Caine the ability to experiment with and foster his powers, which is why he has such control. He achieved in a few months what is took Sam over a year to do. (One thing that I think would have been nice to have is perhaps in a later book some flashbacks on the Coates kids working together to do this. But oh well)

Thank you so much again for reading, and please feel free to add your thoughts. Next up is Diana and I have a lot to say about her. :)

[khazadspoon]

For counterbalance, nieyao and all the questions fjdj

LETS GET INTO IT.

☀️ which one hogs all the blankets every night ?

As with other Meng Yao ships, it is Meng Yao. Small, Not Used to the cold in Qinghe, and likes the comfort that blankets give. Mingjue is pretty chill and runs hot anyway so it doesn't matter to him so much. 

🍋 do they like cuddling ? what’s their favourite or the comfiest cuddling position for them ?

Laying down it is very much Mingjue on his back, splayed out all comfy and relaxed, with Meng Yao laying over him and basically a cat on his chest/against his side. Sat upright it is more Mingjue lounging on Meng Yao's side and resting most of his weight as comfortably as he can on the smaller man.

🌙 be honest , who’s the little spoon and who’s the big spoon ?

Meng Yao is little spoon here. There is just something about being all wrapped up in Mingjue's MASSIVE ARMS. The need to be able to escape is lessened by how easily Mingjue could protect him without any weapons or magic cultivator stuff. He could just destroy an intruder. 

🌻 what does each of their families think about their partner ?

In a softer, nicer canon, Huaisang is Meng Yao's number 1 fan and will be right there to defend and care for him alongside Mingjue. And since Lan Xichen is basically Mingjue's family too, we know he loves A-Yao. The Jin's we know aren't so hot on the Nie's but screw Jin Guangshitlord am I right? Zixuan is cool, a bit like “dang that... that is Chifeng Zun who is nailing my brother. Ok. Dang.” But aren't we all. 

⚡️ how do they prefer to show affection ? are they more touchy or do they show it in ways other than contact ?

Mingjue is all about touches - brief contact to show you he is there and also to remind himself you are there, so he is always touching Meng Yao's arm, his shoulder, his hip, brushing hair from his cheek and such. He isn't good at words so they are lacking but the touches and his EYES make up for it. Meng Yao is all about service and gifts so he does things he knows Mingjue needs to do but doesn't want to, leaves little gifts that he knows will make Mingjue smile.

🌼 how did they originally become an item ? write it out as a vignette or have them tell the story !

It has been a few months since Meng Yao had come to the Unclean Realm, he is more or less settled into his role as Nie Mingjue's right hand man. Spending so much time around such an incredibly imposing figure, both literally and figuratively, takes it's toll. Meng Yao is constantly aware of Mingjue's presence and his own shortcomings. He doesn't realise that Mingjue is also aware of him. He is aware of Meng Yao's competence and his slowly warming attitude. He is aware of his sharp beauty, how small he is, and it scares him how much he likes that. 

Huaisang points it out casually one evening, carefully hiding behind one of his fans (one that he had begged Meng Yao to help him with, just to drive the point home) and Mingjue can't ignore it anymore. He confesses as they look over reports one morning. He leaves it open, lets Meng Yao leave when he gets flustered and scared, ignores the wrenching in his heart at the quiet of the room. 

But Meng Yao comes to him that evening, pretty blush on his cheeks, and accepts. They kiss once, gently, slowly and softly, and Mingjue is wrecked by the hands that grab at his robes. Meng Yao folds into him like he belongs there, pressed to Mingjue's chest. 

🍯 do they give each other nicknames ? have them list a few of their favourites !

Nicknames are not these two's forte. But, Mingjue is Da-ge to everyone, Meng Yao included. 

✨ have each partner describe their favourite thing about the other ! is it a physical feature or a mannerism , or something else ?

Physically, these two go nuts over one another's size. Meng Yao spends hours fixated on different parts of Mingjue - his arms, his thighs, the thick muscle and stern features, the sheer imposing fortress he is...He loves the feeling of safety being near Mingjue gives him and craves the moments he can control that strength with just a word or a look.

Mingjue finds himself comparing their bodies at times. The difference between their hands, how easy it would be to hurt Meng Yao but how easy it is to cradle him gently, to hold him close and enfold him in an embrace. But it is Meng Yao's sharp wit he loves the most when it comes out, when Meng Yao lashes out at someone for good reason and tears them down, sometimes even having it turned on himself. 

⛅️ do they have a habit of unconsciously touching each other when they’re standing / sitting near each other ?

Mingjue does, being very touch-focused. But Meng Yao isn't as needy when it comes to touch (most of the time, some days he needs that physical reassurance and seeks Mingjue out for any touch he can get).

🍌 which one is usually the one to initiate any kissing or just any plain touching ?

Mingjue again. It takes a while for Meng Yao to warm up to the fact he is allowed this, and that there won't be any terrible repercussions to getting what he wants. So Mingjue initiates most physical affection for the first few months, mainly in private but in public when Meng Yao is more comofortable.

🍻 what would be a typical date night for them ?

Mingjue finishes his training for the day and all his sect leader stuff, and wanders to the private room he has for entertaining close friends or for just relaxing in of an evening. Meng Yao turns up a little while later and they just... talk. They share wine, talk, relax, and ignore the outside world for a while before going to bed.

🔆 do they see themselves together for the long run ? like , getting married , starting a family , and all that jazz ?

They know that they are running against the clock and have no plans for the future, mainly out of fear that they will never come true. Meng Yao is a part of the family anyway, and the cultivation world knows that Huaisang is the heir, with Meng Yao supporting him, so they just take things as they come - one day at a time. 

🌟 what’s their favourite moment together ?

The rare moments when they can train together - any time Meng Yao gets the upper hand and catches Mingjue by surprise, pushes him to the floor, both of them grinning wildly at the change of position. 

🌝 what’s YOUR favourite moment of them together ?

“oh no he's hot” moments - in CQL it has to be the “Mingjue appears like some hot guardian angel in front of tiny Meng Yao carrying water” moment, that instant instinct to Protect and Have this small ridiculously pretty man in his life. Meng Yao looking up the sheer mountain of Mingjue's body to see this very very impressive man and his stern face hnng.

🍍 which one surprises the other with more gifts ? what kind of gifts are most common ?

Mingjue turns up with more and more gifts over time, little things he knows Meng Yao wants or needs like a new ink brush or a new set of robes, mainly because Meng Yao will blush and struggle to say thank you coherently. He gets his turn though, when Meng Yao turns up with new hair ornaments and oils for him, turning a gift giving session into a pamper session. 

💛 what’s your favourite aspects of their relationship dynamics ?

The lord and his trusted aide is a great dynamic, especially with how differently they operate in the world, one being politically savvy and the other being action-oriented. I love the opposites attract thing.

🌔 do they like wearing each other’s clothes ? who’s usually the one wearing the other’s clothes ?

Do the braids count?? Because yes in that case. Also they are known for draping their blankets/outer robes on one another when they fall asleep somewhere inconvenient. But they just don't fit one another's clothes in general.

🌦 i know this one sucks to answer , but least favourite thing about each other ?

LIES. DECEIT. PRIDE. STUBBORNNESS. TOO SECRETIVE VRS TOO REVEALING. 

🌽 which one is more affectionate ? do they each have a different way of what they consider to be affection ?

When they settle into things, they are That Couple that keep touching and loving one another very openly and it gets sickening sometimes but only because can't we all have that please?

💫 which one secretly looks at the other like they put the stars in the sky when the other isn’t looking ?

It is almost equal, but for different reasons. Meng Yao thinks that Mingjue is almost perfect in his status, his physical presence, and he is sometimes overwhelmed by how lucky he is. Mingjue watches this small and polite man and wonders how he has become a cornerstone of life in Qinghe. They are both just so deep it hurts sometimes.

[eyeslikefoxglove]

Episode 14 - WangXian are a (v soft) Battle Couple & Foxglove is hella mad

Hi! Welcome to episode 14. I should be studying. It’s day two of morning runs, so my soul has left my body already, send help. Yesterday I went to buy plants with my mum and got so excited I just whacked on a bunch of eyeshadow because I haven’t seen the outside in weeks, I’m also wearing makeup today, because I have nowhere to go, but I really need to finish this bb cream before it goes bad, so my parents are getting my full fresh faced “woke up like this and put on mascara” routine (which is a fucking lie because I’m wearing at least three blushes and two highlighters). I’m determined to get this bitch down in under five minutes so I can have another five to do eyeshadow, I have way too much eyeshadow to not wear it (I have way too much everything except maybe mascara and eyebrow stuff).

Yes, if y’all were wondering I am in fact a makeup magpie. ANYWAY BACK TO THE ACTUAL THING WE ALL CAME HERE FOR.

(Btw further down I discuss once again how shitty I think the Yunmeng sibs’ parents are if that causes an issue for you)

Ok ok ok, so I was talking with damnpoe-2187 here about how we found that sometimes WWX crossed from gremlin into asshole when he tried to get LWJ riled up. Like in the Cold Springs, putting our shippers hearts aside, that was a dick move and he should have stopped undressing the second LWJ went from annoyed to incredibly uncomfortable. I find this scene the complete opposite, a show of character development if you will. It is kind of similar in that they’re both hurt, and alone (although this time is much more serious) and there was some undressing going on; however WWX here behaves like a fool in love considerate person and knowing how uncomfortable LWJ already is tries to make it easier for him. They’re also super soft and I’m weak.

A brief interlude from my one track mind: That pond is full of corpses isn’t it? Or at least the remnants of the Murder Turtle’s meals I suppose. Damn right WWX should not have gone into the water with an open wound, but think no one should go swimming in there without a full hazmat suit tbh (I want to pump them full of antibiotics at this point ngl)

So I love this tiny montage (is it even a montage) of the, getting themselves ready to kill the Murder Turtle.

Teamwooooooork.

Listen, I have read a few fics in which their mind-meld stays in place due to reasons and I need me more of those.

Ok, turtles don’t work that way, but then again, giant murder snake-Trex-turtle so that’s low on my list of priorities. What’s not low is the fact that this guy is knee deep into pretty much a mass grave and I want to take a few showers just watching him.

Yeah, I know exactly what he’s smelling and suddenly I hope I don’t have meat for lunch today tbh.

The screaming sword has always been fucking creepy and does LWJ’s fist clench mean that he’s also hearing them?

BATTLE COUPLE! BATTLE COUPLE! BATTLE COUPLE!

So I know killing the thing took them something like six hours. And while it feels quite a long time in the show, I think that, if they cut the scene with idk, JC running towards Lotus Pier, then back to them, then back to JC, but now the sun is in a different position, back to them, but now the blood from LWJ’s hand has dripped down his arm; and so on a so forth it’d convey more clearly how long it took for the Murder Turtle to die. I know fuck all about cinematography tho so feel free to ignore all this if it is in fact an abomination.

Tiiiiiiny interlude here to say that Yiling Patriarch!WWX is probably one of my favourite character archetypes. He’s slightly creepy, slightly amoral (smiling while torturing and murdering bad guys is still amoral ok), more than a bit on the Dark Side, cocky, smirky, a bit of an asshole a BAMF, a rebel with cause and yet he will still do the right thing, not despite his nature, but because of it. He’s kind of like a Chipped Spike? But you know, he doesn’t need electroshock to behave.

I just want a fic where he’s this Dark Lord of Evil in everyone’s eyes however the ‘good guys’ take a break from trying to off him because a bigger threat just popped up and they have no choice but to ask for his help. He agrees, keeps being his charming self while also saving everyone’s asses, LWJ is smitten.

TL;DR: The Necromancer is hot. Oh and nobody dare deny LWJ has a Yiling Patriarch kink.

Oh my, this is the part when I always get teary eyed.

WUJI ON A CELLO? DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME?

“Why hasn’t Jiang Cheng shown up and rescued me yet?” THIS IS ALL THE PROOF I NEED THAT WWX IS THE BABY SIBLING.

“Lan Zhan sing me a song”

IT IS HAPPENING, STAY FUCKING CALM EVERYBODY (I’m crying)

That slideshow of their best moments set to WuJi is a masterpiece, and also, it kind of drives home the point of “how tf did we go from flirting during summer camp to this mess”?

(Btw if that’s YiBo humming he’s got one hell of a deep voice)

Ok ok ok, so this moment had me spitting up my tea the first time I watched it. Believe it or not my dumbass thought these people were actually serious with the censorship and we’d get scraps of their actual relationship. Lots of charged moments like in some other western tv shows I’ve seen when two dudes have chemistry but “they’re not gay”, no longing glances, no tender touches, no being unbelievably soft with each other; just you know, amped up, because if I’m not mistaken you can be arrested in China for “promoting the gay”. I mean, they changed the beginning when people insult MXY’s sexuality to insulting his mental health; no one would think “ah yes, the gays are good” when they hear it used as a slur, but they still erased it completely. One of the things I thought they’d fully take away was WangXian, I mean, the into/outro is named Wuji, which, you know, still a mishmash of their names, but not their ship name. It is such a significant part of the story with all the “what’s the song name? Figure it out yourself” that if something were going to give away that they’re married with a kid it would be that. I thought we’d get an artful fade to black BEFORE LWJ would say the name not after. And also, YiBo is enunciating it so clearly that, even with the sound muffled and the blurriness I, who don’t speak Chinese, can make out the two syllables. That’s deliberate, I can say “WangXian” loud and clear without moving my lips too much. At this point in time I must assume someone in charge of looking for censorship violations in the show is a fan and just ignored it.

Censorship person 1: dude, isn’t that a bit too gay, maybe you shouldn’t greenlight it.

Censorship person 2: shut the fuck up, sit here and watch.

*a full rundown of the whole of CQL later*

Censorship person 1: oh my god they’re so in love and they deserve to be happy.

Back to the commentary: I’m sorry but I have a mighty need of a WWX & Peacock friendship ok? This might be me just wanting WWX and LWJ to make other friends besides each other but I think that the Peacock is just bitchy enough to not take any of WWX’s bullshit.

And the Yunmeng bros timing for banter strikes yet again.

That’s terrible quality fake blood btw.

@ Yunmeng disciples: STOP SHOOTING FUCKING KITES PLEASE AND THANK YOU

Oooof even with a change of clothes our boy is still looking rough as hell.

MY LOVELY YUNMENG SIBS BEING SOFT AND HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER.

It hurts my soul that the second JFM starts praising WWX for surviving the Murder Turtle our boy’s knee-jerk reaction is to start praising JC in return. It is instinctive, how many times must this have happened for him to know his brother won’t even get scraps of praise? (Seriously fuck their parents)

It was going so well, I mean, JFM had a point warning him to not say things in anger. But I thought he was going to tell him that it is because sometimes he’ll hurt someone without wanting to, yet, this asshole decided to, once again, remind his kid he thinks he’s a failure.

And here comes Mme Yu who I can only assume had a servant posted at the door to warn her when WWX woke so she could throw some verbal abuse at him. I mean, she must have been missing it.

And JFM’s misogynistic bullshit strikes once again, because why defend ALL your kids when you can insult your wife.

(Every time someone berates WWX for “intervening” I want to scream. I mean, seeing this I can believe why the society as a whole thought genocide was a good idea.)

I love how they use their kids as props in their fight, I mean it’s not like they have feelings or anything. This woman is gaslight-y as hell too “you don’t love your kid because I gave birth to him”, you can’t tell me saying that in front of the son she’s supposed to love isn’t going to hurt him. And she knows it, I mean, besides the Wen attack I’ve never seen her hit the kids (although I very much doubt she hasn’t), so a good part of the abuse must be verbal. There’s no fucking way a person who regularly uses words that way won’t realise where she’s aiming those arrows. Which means to her (to both) the kids are collateral.

But FR, the barely-out-of-adolescence disaster bi necromancer PTSDing all over the place and living in a mass grave was a better parent than any of the current adults in this thing.

Which brings me to another point, Shijie is textbook “the oldest sibling is just another parent” and I’m making myself very angry.

[this is when I start frothing at the mouth and itching to write a modern-girl(and friends)-dropped-in-CQL because someone has to be a positive adult influence in these kids’ lives and it sure as shit ain’t the ones in the actual show.]

CAN WE STOP BRINGING PEOPLE’S DEAD PARENTS INTO THE FIGHT?

*deep breath*

I am going to feed JFM & Mme Yu each other’s spleens. Look, listen, look and listen, let’s first talk about how calmly they lay out the facts of their lives, one is only loved because he’s been brought up in the shadow of his dead parents, the other knows with certainty his father dislikes him and his mother uses him as leverage in marital disputes. When have these two not exploded their emotions all over the place? Fucking never. Yet here they are, talking about this bullshit like some bout of inconvenient weather. They’re used to it!

And now let’s talk about yet again siblings-are-just-extra-parents, with an added pile of WWX’s terrible self awareness that, to the man who brought him up, his worth is due to his dead parents. Again I’m extrapolating, but with the amount of times Mme Yu brings up his parents in such a negative light I refuse to believe JFM hasn’t made all the “you’re so much like your parents” comments to him every time WWX does something right. I mean, telling an orphan about their parents if they ask is a good thing, but WWX seems starved for stories about his them, which leads me to believe JFM refuses to talk about the topic except to make those little comments. What a fucking stellar way to give someone all the trauma if you ask me. May also explain a lot of WWX’s self worth issues if the biggest praise he’s ever heard is that he resembles dead people, yes, people who were loved, but they’re dead, and it doesn’t look like any adult has bothered to go and differentiate WWX from ZSSR&WCZ.

I’m just really mad, despite all the silly anecdotes I put in here my parents are fucking great at parenting, so I know what good parents should look like, and this ain’t it.

Ok, so I made myself angry and I don’t know if I should move onto the next episode now or wait till tomorrow but thanks for reading!

[tepre]

Hello! Would you mind if I ask you how you outline your fics? I’ve been trying to but I don’t know how to start

YEsSSSs OUTLININGGGGGG my favourite thing 

ok this SO depends on the kind of fic/story you’re writing. For ‘Us, in Lieu’ for example I did no outlining because I wasn’t planning on….HAHA ANYTHING REALLY. But it was mostly because the progression of the story hinged on emotional/character development, and the plot/flashbacks were peppered in as supporting characters where necessary, for context etc, but that wasn’t what propelled the story. 

I guess that’s the main question you start with: what propels the story? With GFD, it was this idea that they both had to go through various phases of NOT wanting and DESPERATELY wanting each other, and that it would take years for those to align. So the first barebones outline looked something like, 

Harry –> hates D, is forced to be w him 

Draco –> likes H, but H won’t give him a chance 

Harry & Draco –> take distance 

Draco –> is lovely and caring and H gets to see it from a distance

Harry –> OH NO now likes D

Draco –> has moved on, has someone else now

Harry –> pines for D/would do anything

Draco –> helpless for that vibe 

Harry & Draco –> drawn back into each other’s orbit –> FINALLY COLLIDE 

And over the course of a few days I filled in each bullet point with minor outlines for scenes, snippets of conversations I wanted them to have, etc. So if I’d have to write a fic where the PROPELLING ENGINE was, uhhhh, idk, they both want the DADA teacher position, and McG says OK you each a month-long trial to prove yourself, & you have to take turns teaching classes, my first question would be: why would either of them want to be a DADA teacher? 

Answer: 

Harry - has had a realisation that teaching is the only thing that makes him happy.

Draco - cares 0 about teaching, is bored in his life and with everyone and has had his OWN realisation that the only thing that has ever entertained him EVER was arguing with Harry Fucking Potter. 

Conclusion: 

Draco only tries for the job to be around/fight with Harry. We now have a dynamics where Harry cares A Lot about getting a thing, and Draco cares A Lot about annoying Harry. Ergo, Draco has a Secret Motivation. Ergo, the POV narration that would best suit this story is a Harry POV, where toward the end we get a frazzled confession from Draco that he just wanted to be close to Harry. 

My second question would be, what narrative timeframe would best showcase these dynamics? Because we’re dealing with a story that comes pre-packaged in a time frame (”YOU HAVE 1 MONTH TO PROVE YOURSELF!!”), that answer is a given: 

They arrive at Hogwarts. 

A month at Hogwarts where they both try to out-teach the other 

Something bigger than The Rivalry happens that forces Confession out of Draco

Resolution

This is the bare-bones of your outline. Now you can start asking questions that’ll fill in the fleshy parts. Like: what’s Draco’s teaching style vs Harry? Is Draco surprisingly good at teaching or not at all? How do we ramp up the tension so that it leads to an eventual conflict? Or even fun smaller details like: where do teachers sleep/what’s the accommodation like? Do they have to sit in on each other’s classes? Do we get to know the students well?? Will they root for either one of the teachers, will the students’ opinions be the ones that decide, in the end? And then you start getting an outline that looks more like this: 

They arrive at Hogwarts [find out Harry’s motivation via flashbacks –> had a revelation last month, quit job as Auror, this is all he wants]. –> TURNS OUT –> SHARE GUEST QUARTERS?? Separate bedrooms but shared lounge space/showers. [D: “Oh a common room! Oh how nostalgic. Potter, quick, call me a brat and I’ll wrestle you to the ground, it’ll be grand, come on, I’m ready, do it.”] 

Take turns teaching classes? Harry the Tues and Thurs classes, Draco the Weds & Friday classes. No DADA on Mondays. Harry –> thinks it’s a homerun. Turns out?? Kids are super INTO Draco’s DANGEROUS AS FUCK laissez faire approach [0 lesson plans, takes them out onto the fields and lets them blast clay pigeons in air wHILE EATING Bertie Botts in the stands and laughing & clapping whenever something goes wrong], whereas Harry is seen as the ‘safe by the books teacher’ [hermione’s helped him prep.] 

TURNING POINT FOR HARRY –> needs to step it up!! –> STEPS IT UP (Bogart?? Brings in an animagus?? shows wandless magic?) 

TENSION IN THE SHARED QUARTERS. Draco walking around in bathrobe?? Showers w door open?? Tries to get Harry to go to Hogsmead w him?? Harry is PISSED. 

During one of Harry’s classes, Draco has a SNARKY COMMENT and Harry is like well if you’re so SMART come up here and demonstrate and idk stuff happens and it ends up being a DUEL full of SEXUAL TENSION and the students are all like :O :O :O 

Back at quarters –> Harry is FURIOUS at how things got out of hand and he picks a fight and then it’s like they’re ABOUT TO DUEL AGAIN but instead of duelling it’s sort of a fight but instead of a fight Harry ends up pinning Draco to the door and then SUDDENLY TOTALLY UNEXPECTED they’re hardcore making out –> ILL ADVISED ROUGH SEX ON COMMON ROOM FLOOR. 

Classes continue. Rivalry ramps up. They continue to have ill-advised sex in their shared lil space and then retreating to their private rooms & totally not talking about it. 

They have ONE CLASS LEFT. DRACO DECIDES TO OUTDO HARRY ONCE AND FOR ALL. Takes his students too…?? Lake? Forest??? Favourite student gets accidentally HURT or in TROUBLE and Draco has to run to Harry for help and they RESCUE STUDENT, but after the whole adventure –> HARRY = SUPER PISSED W DRACO FOR PUTTING KIDS IN DANGER and if he REALLY wanted the job he’d never– Draco –> frazzled and FRUSTRATED and confession: “I didn’t even! I never wanted! I don’t care about the job! Who–why would I, god, I don’t–! I just–I just wanted to–!” / “What? You just wanted to what?” / “Be with you! I–I wanted–” [grimace like he’s angry, with himself or Harry or the mossy forest floor at large] “You. I was bored without you. God, life is boring. So boring! And I thought … I just thought …”

HARRY IS EVEN MORE FURIOUS OVER THIS CONFESSION. Avoids Draco for rest of day?? or two?? OR IT’s WEEKEND and that night Harry doesn’t hear Draco return –> 3am still awake, can’t sleep not knowing where Draco is?? –> GOES TO LOOK FOR HIM, STILL FURIOUS. 

Finds him @ hospital wing, asleep by Favourite Student Who’s Now Recovering From Injury’s bedside (HARRY CANNOT BUT GO WEAK AT THIS). Wakes him up gently. INTENSE EYE CONTACT MOMENT. –> silent walk back to quarters. Then –> Harry kisses him and it’s gentle and sweeter than before –> takes him to bed in his own room and now it’s all sad and achy cuz Draco is hurty and wants him and now Harry KNOWS. 

MONDAY!! McG calls them in to tell them results!! Draco tries to disqualify himself cuz he signed up under False Pretences. McG is like ABSOLUTELY NOT cuz guess what you’re actually a good teacher. Like your ass is CRAZY AF but the students love ya and they learn a lot. DADA is too wild for you but what’s up let’s put you on Potions, Harry congrats you’re our new DADA teacher. 

Draco gets to have emotional moment over having found something he’s passionate about and realises that–fucking Harry aside–he hasn’t been bored AT ALL this past month.

THEY GET TO BE TEACHER HUSBANDS LIVING TOGETHER AT HOGWARTS YAY 

THE END 

This was the longest answer, I apologise, BUT I HOPE IT HELPED??!?! 

❤️❤️❤️!

[chelsmcd]

Those who work in Game Ops.

When people find out I work in sports, the automatic assumption is I grew up playing them.  I apparently have a look about me that, when the truth comes out, shocks a lot of people.

I did not play sports as a kid.  Sure I tried, but I got hit in the shin with the baseball when playing T-Ball, my cleats were too small in soccer, I was too uncoordinated for dance, not really a ton of flexibility or spatial awareness for gymnastics… I was pretty good at skating, I mean I skipped level 3 but it didn’t last.  In high school, I attempted to play Rugby, but mom reminded me I would snap like a twig, and really... at 14, I wasn’t about to discover some unhidden talent.  So, suffice it to say, my experience with sports has been two things:

1. Dressing up as my high school mascot (which for the record is a hot, sweaty and gross job)

2. THEATRE SPORTS! Yeah, I was a drama nerd.  We know we what are, we own it.  I will always look for and run into the spotlight.  I’m an entertainer, it’s in my blood.

So how did I end up working in sports? Well, it’s a long story, and while this is my own blog and I don’t tire of my own stories, I’m hoping you’ll stay with me to the end, so I’ll skip the long version. The main point…is that sports provides a melting pot for all walks of life. No one cares what you do, what kind of car you drive, what neighbourhood you live in, what colour your skin is (unless you painted it the opposing team’s colours)…none of it matters.  In sports…If you’re in the same venue as me, and we’re rooting for the same team, we’re friends.

I’m like a mother hen with my friends, I’m the one who plans the events for everyone to get together, I make sure people feel welcome, comfortable and at home. How does this translate? In sports, I work in game day operations or events (depending on whether I’m with a team or the league office) – but it’s my job to provide the space to bring people together.

There is a feeling, I can’t quite describe, when you hear everyone erupt with cheers, or sing/chant in unison (Oh, Canada anyone)?  It wells up in me.  It literally gives me butterflies of excitement and I want to cry because I need to get it out somehow.  One of my favourite moments was with the Kingston Frontenacs back on January 28, 2017. We hosted a night honouring The Tragically Hip (for those who are in the dark on this one, the Hip are from KTown). We invited the band, they hung out in the suite, the players wore a special Hip Jersey that had their song lyrics all over it, and in the third period we did a sing along.  Now, in a regular game, no, there is no way I would dare to have a break that is just (essentially) karaoke.  But for this game, something grabbed me, and I felt like it would take off. I didn’t have full support at the time, but I was passionate about this one and I’m so glad it was green lit. It was a moment that gave me those butterflies. We had it all planned out, the host would get two fans to sing along to lyrics on the screen, camera pan out, mic down, and … WOW.  The whole stadium, in unison (and I’m pretty sure on key) singing the chorus to, obviously, Ahead By A Century.  Honestly, when that moment happened, it was like the whole arena was hugging The Hip.  We don’t get this for the national anthem (not everyone wants to sing Oh Canada, some want to respectfully listen, and that’s cool), but in Kingston, dare I say, this is a civic pride?  The breaks in the OHL are short and sweet, but the refs gave it a second too, they let the fans sing it out, and you just had to feel it.  It was an energy, or in today’s trendy words “It was a total vibe.”

Game Ops, or Game Presentation, it’s a tough act. You aren’t responsible for the literal score on the board, but you are responsible for the scoreboard (now much more commonly known as videoboards or jumbotrons).  You are responsible for what’s happening off the ice, off the turf, off the pitch and in between the whistles. You can’t control if your team wins or loses (but I’ll tell ya, if I could, I’d have a winning team!) So the job of Game Ops people is to ensure you have the best night, even when your team gets absolutely annihilated.  Did you hear a great song? Was there a hilarious moment on the videoboard? Did the mascot come to your section or heck… the most simplest way to engage: did you get a free t-shirt that is so big for you, it will only ever end up seeing the darkness of your bedroom?  That’s Game Ops, people.

COVID has been hard on these staffers.  Now, I don’t want to alienate anyone, because every cog in the wheel matters, but Game Ops people are the first to be scrutinized and usually the last to be congratulated. Their success isn’t always quantifiable. With Partnership sales there are numbers, with ticket sales, there are bums in seats, with PR & Outreach there are likes, follows and analytics, but with Game Ops… there’s … sentiment.  How do you accurately measure opinion?  The naysayers or grumpy cats are always the loudest and the first to take to social media.  The supportive ones or the people who enjoyed themselves, they don’t go out of their way to talk about the good, because, that’s the way it should be, and while I agree – I’ll ask all fans, here and now… when you have a good time at a game

PLEASE TALK ABOUT IT!

The person writing the script needs to hear it.  The people trying to pump you up, can always use that positive reinforcement, heck the person sitting directing the videoboard, or switching the camera angle, or the person who edited a video two weeks ago, or the person who designed the graphics – often go unsung.

Game Operations take a talented individual. Someone who can manage and plan but also throw their script out the window because things changed yet still deliver on all ‘sold assets’. If you don’t work in Game Ops, you have no idea the pressure these people are under – because the right people for this role, don’t let you know they are under the pressure. They keep it together, composed and focused.

Ok, tangent over. So, to hiring managers… As I mentioned earlier, COVID has not been kind to those who work in Game Operations (myself included), so at the risk of standing on a soap box, here’s what I think you should know while evaluating those resumes:

The Game Ops People are:

the first to show up

the last to leave

the most adaptable

quick learners

born with ambition & don’t need incentive to perform (but hey, if you can put a bit of financial gain in front of them, it never hurts)

inclined to say yes, you may need to remind them it’s OK to say “my plate is full” or to ask for help

some of the most resilient people you will meet

your biggest champions

never the ones to say “that’s someone else’s job” - they figure it out & get it done

Their skill sets? They manage budgets, they manage people, they manage time, they manage fans (and complaints) – they are easy to teach! I ask you, if a resume of a sports person comes across your desk, understand that who you’re hiring isn’t always something that can be captured in a cover letter and resume.  If I’ve learned anything in my career thus far, how you do a job is just as important as what you know coming into the job. You can teach the skills, you can’t teach personality.

I started this post, thinking about all the things I miss this year with not having a Grey Cup in Regina, and I didn’t even touch on it.  I’ll save that for another post; I think this one is more important.

With that, please stay healthy, physically distant and socially close.

-me.