#ok i should stop talking in tahs

[setoronini]

The regretevator discord server is insane

IVE ALREADY SEEN 4 FOLLY SHIPS AND 2 MELANIE SHIPD

SO FAST FOR WHAT

CALM DOWN

[moimoimoinnnn]

Welcome ladies and gentlemen give it up for the band Hi we'Re the Ban dmy name is Jayho and this is my friend Sung Bun we are from South Korea and we will be one of Koreeas favorite band ever oR TAHT IS OUR GOAL ANYWAY WE LET YOUD ECIDE AND BE SURE YOURE GONNA JUDGE WISELY. ;) WE RECENTLY GAVE OUT OR EP CALLED WHAT IS LOVE BUT COPURIGHT SO WE HAD TO CHANGE IT TN LOVE IS WHAT BUT IF YOU AKS ME ITS ALWAYS WHAT IS LOVE ALTHOUGH I KNOW IT OK I WAS ALWAYS PLAYING LOVELY DOVELY YES I SAID TAHT IN high school i wa sthe pumpkin spiced latte said cause i was half white but im not a basic bitch and yes i said was cause i died but got chrynofrozen and tgehn unfrosen back ti life it wa surreal i was not willing to do so but hey im bakc and now i dont understand why i wasnt willing to do so in the frst place. Anwyay my single dead and then undead was really popular

gee i winder hwy sung bin not round now i am talkning tomy fans 'bro your camera is turned off

more like on Minhjoo said when he came in th eroom

eight Minhoo can you scootsh back ok this is worse than that band with more than 84 memebers and still called them 84 what a world i know right but before we could continue our intelligent conversation the bus took a turn for the worse or a u turn we grabbed our seats but no too late i hit my head we all did and woke upin the hopsital not remembebirng a athing so we must learn how to be kpop stars all over again pretty much guys

so first of all the fan service can you do taht

well since minwhioo only love himself you should ask him that if he could hey self love is important mnot this much we all said

ok so

Kim PARK

CAN YO U PARK YOUR CAR

if tah s what yo uare gonna call it then yes

night pk get going guys and os we did we practisied dancing for four hours not five thank god and sang and everything until we couldnt talk literally lol

butn ot lol my throat hurts Minwhoo cried ill help you i said Thanks Kim Kimchi

tahts not my STAGE NAME AND NEVER WILL BE well what ever my pumpkin hey no tahts the other guy

i know he said adn kissed in the air to me

i but my hand in a way

no way i was getting kisses and def no t air kisses

they were more seriosu that anything

oro should isay cheerios and im niot saying that cause i ve been paid tp but we got pur paycheddk fro mcherrios so

Anyway we were lit liek our stage all in candles teh show was lit

And the nMinwhoo told me to get to the stage room

i felt like iwas in A drama Why would you call form e so unesxpectactly

well i have a request

ok

can you become my man

on nstage

catch you and stuff we already practised that wjen i jump you jump ok i know but i mea in bed

in bed

i was not sure what he meant

ok dont be so nervous he said take of your shirt what

kome here kimchi he said and began to undress

i looked at his abs they were marvelious

i felt hugnry no thirsty well both'

i couldt stop looking i was in awe

so much so that i got a boner akward i hadnt even started to undress

its ok i know him Minwhoo said

of COURRSE YOU TOO YOU SELF LOVER

WELL I CAN PLAY FOR THE OTHER TEAM AS WELL TOO HE SAID AND WE BEGAN TO KISS AND MAN IT WAS HOT MAKEOUT SESSION MY FAVORITE KIND OF SESSION. mY GOD YOURÉ GOOD I SAID DEFIENLTY NOT BAD YOURSLEF EITEHR

I CANT BELIEVE IUT WE WERE KISSING WE WERE SO NAUGHTY BIYS I MEAN UHUM MEN ANTWAY WHO LIEKS TO PLAY NICE ALL THE TIE EITHERWAY

SO WE WENT PON AND ON AND sEUNG bIN WALKED IN WHAT ARE YO UGUYS DOIN OK OK I SEE WELL I Knew you would be close but damn you´Re reall yclosoe thats cool btw

oh man icnat believe im saying this but Sung bin your nit Sung IN this story

sayonara OK KIM kIMCHI

Hey ilove that food

i thought you loved me Minhoo said and laughed i started to laugh to o we had a fun night that night filled with joy and lauughter;)

It wa sbetetr than our band called teh band so we were the band teh band or teh band band as our fans called us

[rtfics]

omfg, don't even get me started . . . . . .

OK, I started.

I'll give you the abbreviated version.

Believe me, this is the abbreviated version.

Background: I'm a professional writer and playwright who once worked with a Huge-Ass Musical Theater Producer on a project that he killed before it lived (typical theater shit), and I know a lot of actors, directors, and techies who regularly work on Broadway and the West End. None of them worked on the BJ musical, but they worked beside it, knew the cast, knew what was going on, etc., because Thea-Tah is fucking incestuous.

Back when the BJ musical was in workshop -- y'know, when Abed was going to play Adam (look it up) -- a Broadway friend leaked me a copy of the script because he knew I was a Beetlebabe. The script was such shit, having nothing to do with the movie, that I thought he was pranking me.

When the show moved to the Winter Garden in D.C. he sent me the newest version of the script. I was fucking livid.

The musical's creators intentionally wanted to kill off Beetlebabes. They hated it. They hated Beej's horndog heterosexuality. So they made him gay. When the show opened on Broadway, my gay male actor friends told me that everyone called it FlammerJuice or F@ggotJuice.

Here's my point (I do have one): from the beginning Alex Brightman said he was reinventing Beetlejuice to the way he should be. He acted as if HE had created the character. Even so, in Playbill he knew enough to nod his head to Michael Keaton.

Brightman describes taking on the role as “a mix of exciting and terrifying” and really wants Michael Keaton, who starred as the titular demon in the film, to come see the musical.

“I really really want him to come see the show because I think he'll be excited to see the thing we've done without having compromised anything he did or anyone did in that movie. It's iconic with a capital ’I’. I want to see him there because I want to thank him for giving me such insane shoes that I try to fill eight times a week,” he said.

"I think he'll be excited to see the thing we've done without having compromised anything he did or anyone did in that movie." What absolute bullshit.

On Late Night with Seth Myers Brightman literally begged Keaton to see the show.

Michael Keaton refused. He won't even talk about it.

Insane fans started hounding Brightman and Sophia Anne Caruso, who originally played Lydia (who fled). Brightman, like the musical's creators, decided to show which side he was on concerning the Ship.

He knew Beetlebabes were being attacked online. He heard it from the frothing-at-the-mouth fans who came to the Stage Door and left him letters, notes, and sent him Tweets and DMs and emails. Brightman could have said, "Wait, everyone has a right to see this as they want to. You all need to stop harassing those you disagree with, you have no right."

But he didn't say that. He publicly said the shit above instead, and in person told many a Stage Door fan that he was against the Ship (he'll deny it if asked).

This was because, once he got his first Tony nomination for the role, Alex considered himself to be Beetlejuice.

I've been told, but don't quote me, that Beetlejuice Beetlejuice is in part Burton's direct answer to the musical, to make canon that the musical is NOT canon (Tim Burton had nothing to do with it; Warner Brothers, who owns the rights, went for the musical).

Alex Brightman wanted the Ship to Go Away.

Instead, the musical on Broadway and Alex Brightman went away. I'm told it may never open in the West End, and the tour may not survive past this year, especially now that the movie opened. Who wants to see FlammerJuice when you can see Keaton?

Anyway, long rant. Let's stop the "Brightman wasn't bad" crap. He was. He was an anti enabler. And he got bit on the ass, as he deserved.

Tim Burton, Winona Ryder, and Michael Keaton are making this quite clear.

alex brightman wasnt even shitting on babes he said "its not my cup of tea" and thats it. why are you acting like it was an attack?

Because at the time, his fans were sending me and other babes death threats, telling me I deserve rape and murder and that they knew where I lived and would send me dead animals in the mail. Cruelly mocked the death of my dog. They were vicious little assholes and still are. Alex was well aware of this. He knew all of this was happening. He chose to cater to the murderous brats anyway. Context matters. Fuck him. He owes Winona and me an apology.

Edit: don't minimize his message. He condemned the creation of fiction, saying "even if it's fake" it's weird and not okay. If you think this quote and the existence of our beautiful shippy ass sequel aren't connected? You're fucking stupid and I can't help you.

[pokegalla]

Another awesome idea from @theneurodivergentdummy

I honestly feel like this is something these characters would do as a family so I realized this fits way too well-

(For those who don’t know! A mudrun is an obstacle race course that is based around mud!)

Underfell Bros and their S/o going through a Mudrun

Red:

* Huh? Wanna swing that around bud?

* A mudrun? What even is that? Even with an explanation he’s still confused on WHY you want to.

* Apparently it was a couple’s competition and you REALLY wanted to try it. Red was pretty hesitant as he’s not a very active guy but your puppy eyes got him under wraps. Fine! Just stop looking all cute like that….

* He starts regretting it the moment he sees the course. Just reassure him and promise him a “reward” right after. Watch how pumped he’ll get right after-

* With teamwork, you guys do pretty well together! Even having a lot of fun, giggling and slipping around in the mud. You guys manage to win 1st place! Holy shet congrats!!! You guys head home showing off your trophy still covered in mud. And….you guys open the door to see Boss waiting

* “SANS?! Where The Hell Have You And The Human….Been…..” His voice trails off seeing you guys. His eye socket twitches. Oh no….

* He chased you guys about with a hose. Luckily Red shortcutted out of there….

Mini story time!:

You clung to the trophy as Red carried you bridal style. You guys giggling and smiling like dorks as you headed home.

“Yaaaaaaay we won! We look like a hot mess but it was worth it,” You cheered.

Red chuckled, “Didn’t expect tah win first place. Guess we make a good team. But ay I wouldn’t say it’s worth it juuuuuust yet.”

You looked at him confused, “Hm? Why not?”

He smirked deviously, “I ain’t get my reward yet~” You blush as he pulled you closer, “Y’know what I want sweetheart~?”

“W-what,” You asked.

He got closer, “I want….a nice hot bath. Some cuddles….and all your kisses!” You went into a fit of giggles as he gave multiple skele-kissses all over your face.

“Ok ok! I promise you’ll get all of that! I love you my big dummy~” You said.

“I’m your big dummy,” He purred. He went to open the door and there stood his brother. Oh crap….

“SANS?! Where The Hell Have You And The Human….Been…..” Boss stopped talking seeing the state we were in. He slowly began walking towards the hose.

“Bro wait let’s talk about this,” Red shouted.

“Boss MERCY!!! Frisk said always show MERCY,” I shouted.

“I don’t show MERCY to stains,” Boss stated. Then he let it rip. Thank god Red can shortcut….

Boss:

* Bitch what-?

* He loves you but there is NO way in hell he’s doing THAT. Mr. Clean Freak over here had a mini heart (soul?) attack just THINKING of the mess it could make.

* But with the help of Red’s nagging (he wants to see his bro have fun….and possibly film him slipping on his non existent ass in mud-) and your puppy eyes, he reluctantly agreed.

* He’s already cringing at the sight of the obstacle course. You should tell him that he should take his time and that you just wanted to do something together as a couple. He might not show it but hearing that makes him very happy. Even motivated.

* Actually he shows it right when the race begins. He swiftly picks you up bridal style and VAULTS over obstacles like it’s nothing. Hell he even got dirty and looked like he was having fun! You guys won (was there even a doubt?) and cheered.

* Boss was giving the biggest and most genuine smile and Red snapped a pic. He was happy to see his bro finally let his guard down to feel comfortable and unwind a bit.

* It’s only when you guys get home he realizes how much of a mess you guys made when you walked in the house. Oop-

* You offered to clean up and he joined in.

Mini story time!:

You felt bad for your bone-friend. He had finally let loose and had fun! Smiling, laughing….until he forgot we was covered in mud. We tracked mud all over the living room. You let him wash up as you tried your best to clean up the stains (rather difficult considering you were still covered in mud). But you managed! At least not by yourself.

You turn to see Boss was cleaning up any excess mud that you missed, “I thought you went to clean yourself up?”

He looks at you before looking away in a huff, “Human You Are Not Exactly The Best At Cleaning. I Figured You Might Need My Assistance!”

You thought for a moment then smiled, “Aw. Did you want to take a bath with me?”

There was no denying the prominent red glow from his face, “N-NO! I Just Need You To Hurry Things Along!” He shouted before quietly adding, “….I Want To Cuddle With You.”

Your heart skipped a beat, “O-Oh….I’ll hurry up! Just give me a-Eep!” You were suddenly picked up.

“YOU Were The One Who Wanted To Do Something As A Couple. Come Now! Red Can Clean The Rest,” Boss said impatiently.

You laughed, “Ok ok! My bad….love you!”

He blushed even more but chuckled, “I Love You As Well Human.”

Red walked in pissed, wearing an apron and carrying cleaning supplies, “Now I gotta be on fucking cleaning duty. Sunnava-“

“SANS-!” Boss shouted.

He sweat dropped and began getting to work. (Don’t worry. He abandoned the work once he knew Boss wasn’t paying attention to sneak off to Grillby’s).

[vaguely-smart]

A very subjective ranking of the Superman and Lois characters

Love

Jonathan Kent

Ok I love this child so much. He's the epitome of gifted kid burnout and I relate to him to an unhealthy amount. I hope the writers give him more plot in season three and that they actually follow through on the storylines they write for him. Jon deserves to be treated better by the showrunners and most of the characters. He either need to get in a better place or just, like, spiral downwards and become a villain and/or just leave his family for a solo story (preferably either in a Disney sitcom with Jon-El or in a vampire hunting/befriending adventure) 10/10 Good Boy

Natalie Irons

Nat is a very close second to Jon in my opinion. She's just so nice. Her vibes are immaculate and I would want to be her friend. Her story is so interesting and I hope next season focuses more on the Irons rather than the Cushings. I love that they actually show her being smart and how they give her autonomy (unlike Jon). Her (and her dad's) hero moments feel the most earned to me and I would watch an entire show where they were the main characters. 10/10 good vibes

John Henry Irons

I'm sad to say this but I think John Henry Irons is probably the only actually good parent in this show, named after two parents. He actually talks things out with his daughter and treats her like a capable person?!? What a shocker. I gotta say, whenever he was fighting Clark in the first season I was rooting for him. All I can ask is that they stop hospitalising him, considering he's going to be working against intergang, hopefully he won't get sidelined into the ER next season. 10/10 best parent

Jon-El

I debated whether or not to put Jon-El higher than John Henry Irons. I think I like Jon-El more but in a more detached, point and scream "boyyyyyy" way than any actual feelings. He is great, though, and I'm pissed he didn't make it into the finale. He better be back next season. He doesn't get super developed but he's definitely a dramatic gay theatre kid with daddy issues. I am here for it and I will not hear otherwise. I just want the writers to give him screen time, therapy and a boyfriend tbh. In the words of Luz Noceda he is a "bad but sad boy" 10/10 dramatic disaster gay

Tah-Rho

I was indifferent/bored with him in season 1 but I'm season 2 I live for him. He's literally just vibing. He just wants a family. I just want to watch whatever random shenanigans he gets up to instead of helping the main story. He's just the weird uncle. I want to know what goes on in his head. He's so fun to watch. 10/10 chaotic bastard neutral 

Like

Denise Olowe

I have nothing against Denise. She seems like a chill person. She'll probably end up dating Jon and I wouldn't be opposed to it (she'd definitely be the best he's had). I'd totally be down to see her get more character development down the line. Like if they want to have a 'civilian' storyline, I'd much rather follow her family than whatever we're meant to call Sarah's disaster of a family. 10/10 seems nice

Kyle Cushing

Kyle gets an unnecessary amount of hate. Cheating is usually one of the only unredeemable actions in my eyes that good characters can take because it is just a wholly selfish action but I'm willing to give Kyle a chance. Sure he did cheat but it was in his bad phase when he was also being a bad parent and (possibly?) an alcoholic. He stopped of his own volition, though, and worked on himself to make sure that he could be a good father and husband. As far as I'm concerned the only thing he should really be trashed for is not telling his wife. I genuinely don't think the Kyle we see in season 2 is the same person who had an affair. Another thing is you can see how much Kyle genuinely loves his family. He's so supportive of both Sarah and Lana and he is their number one supporter. I honestly think he's the second best parent in the show. Sure he's an absolute idiot in some of the things he does and says but he is trying to work on himself and he just constantly gets sh*t on. (I do think a lot of this is tied to the fact that Eric Valdez plays home really well) 10/10 he's trying

Jordan Kent

I don't have that much to say about Jordan. He's chill for the most part. I want him to succeed and be happy and stuff. Sometimes his vibes are off and vaguely serial killery but for the most part I like him. 10/10 I like him

Mitch Anderson

It's fun to watch him suffer. I live for whenever his bad decisions decide to come back to bite him. It's just so fun to watch. I did feel really bad for him in episode 10, though. It broke me when he and Jordan-El were trying to talk about Bizarro Superman. I really wish he didn't die in that episode. I would have preferred it if he died in the final battle with Ally. It just felt anti-climactic, how it played out. I literally didn't even realise he died. 10/10 should have died in episode 15

Indifferent

Sam Lane

I don't know what to say here. He's there. He does stuff. It is interesting how he sometimes switches between a minorly antagonistic role and a protagonistic one. I don't have any strong feelings about him except that he should have been a better dad. 10/10 he sure was there, wasn't he?

Lois-El

She's there. She doesn't really get much screen time. I really felt for her when she was leaving Kal, though. 10/10 girlboss?

Lois Lane

Pretty similar to her dad, honestly. Seriously though it really feels like she drops the ball with Jon so much (not as much as Clark, though). I have faith that her character could be good if she wrote her well, so I more hate the execution rather than the actual character, if that makes sense. I hope they do her better next season 10/10 could have potential if literally anyone else wrote for her

Jor-El

He's there. He looks sad. 10/10 he needs a hug

Kal-El

I'm sympathetic towards him but also it pains me to watch his scenes. Like stoooopp you pain me. 10/10 second hand embarrassment

Chrissy Beppo

People rag on her too much. Like sure, she definitely is annoying and feels too entitled about information but put yourself in her shoes. Her idol just came in and bought half of her newspaper so now they are co-owners but Lois doesn't treat her like an equal and she definitely is keeping a tonne of secrets. From the audience's perspective Lois's actions are understandable but Chrissy has every right to be pissed at Lois, especially since their profession is all about telling the truth and journalistic integrity. Of course she doesn't want to be lied to. 10/10 annoying but not wrong

Dislike

Sarah Cortez

I'm a lot more forgiving of Sarah because she's an actual teenager and at least she told Jordan basically straight away that she kissed Aubry (though it shouldn't have happened in the first place). The whole trying to make Jordan and Aubrey friends thing is kind of strange but I can see where Sarah's coming from. Aubrey can relate to what she's going through, which she feels like she can't really talk to Jordan about because as far as she knows his home life is pretty great. There's also the fact that Jordan in no way expressed how upset he actually was about the kiss to Sarah's face. It's easy to say that Sarah literally thought Jordan wasn't too hurt. I know at least with my friends when we were 14/15 a bunch of people had dated or confessed crushes on other people and we were still all friends. You can totally be friends with people you've had/have romantic feelings for and Sarah might have been thinking along those lines. All in all, some of Sarah's actions are rude/annoying but she seems like she's trying but is just finding a little hard to see things from Jordan's perspective because she's so caught up in her own drama (which I might add, a lot of which has been publicised to the entire town) 10/10 will probably be better once she knows the secret and grows up a little

Clark Kent

Clark, what are you even doing?!?! Whatever it is, it pains me! He's just so dense. And blind (you sure you don't actually need real glasses, my dude?) He just is just such a bad parent to Jon. Can we please go back to season 1 writing for him? Please?!?! Hopefully the showrunners look at people's reactions to Clark and do something about it!!! 10/10 do better you idiot!

Candice Pergande

I dislike every one of her scenes except for the last one. When she goes to talk to Lois and Sam she does actually look remorseful and like she is trying. It feels like we were meant to see more scenes of her like that but they were cut or something. Obviously she should have taken accountability but she's doing it for her father so she's not doing it from a strictly selfish standpoint and it's very easy to see how she might feel stuck and scared in this position. She feels like she could have potential and I hope if she is kept around (unlike Teagan) that the writers will expand more on her character and actually make her likeable. 10/10 let's hear her out

Hate

Lana Lang

I don't even know what to say about Lana. I feel like most of it has already been said by other people. She's just so insufferable and rude all the time. She's so entitled and I hate how she reacted to Clark's secret, especially by being mad at everyone except for Clark. Like b*tch just shut up!!! Please! I get Lana's under a lot of pressure but it's so obvious that she doesn't care about her behaviour and neither do the writers. It's so annoying. I hope she gets sidelined so much more next season 10/10 please, either get a reality check or just leave

Lucy Lane

She's just annoying and is given too many chances. How come Lucy who was the right hand man for a litteral world ending cult gets forgiveness easier than Jon who took drugs like three times. 10/10 shouldn't she be behind bars or something?

George Dean

I couldn't decide whether to put him or Ally at the bottom. He is intentionally insufferable and, I gotta say, the writers finally succeeded at something. He's so smug and annoying and I can't stand him! 10/10 of course he's in politics 

Ally Allston

Booooooooo. Not that intimidating. Really annoying. I hate how she talks. I hope she doesn't return and just stays in prison for the rest of her life (this goes for both of them) 10/10 I hate her (squared)

Best Boiiii

Timmy Ryan

"Even Chads deserve character development"

"And love"

10/10 deserves an enemies to lovers arc

[shyneanon]

So like the skeleton simp community (it’s basically its own fandom) has really changed me, I never used to write romance, but I just... reaaaally love the Bonely Hearts Club thing where Red bakes in secret, so like... @bonelyheartsclub I may or may not have written x reader fanfiction before the full game is even out??? Oh gosh I’m going to write so much fanfiction when the game comes out help me

Anyway here’s Reader finding out about his hobby

----

You were falling asleep on Red’s shoulder when he spoke up.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“Mm?” you mumbled, blinking awake. Red had paused his game to talk to you. He was usually fine with speaking over the game, so this wasn’t just casual conversation. You (reluctantly) lifted your head off his shoulder so that you could actually make proper eye contact, and once you did, you realized that he looked strangely serious. “Yeah?”

He seemed to hesitate a moment, breaking eye contact, then said, “I… I was thinkin’ I could show ya somethin’.”

Well, judging from how uncharacteristically tentative he seemed, it wasn’t sexual. “Yeah,” you said. “Anything.”

“But you gotta promise not tah tell anybody. Not the other skeletons, nobody…. Got it?”

You raised an eyebrow. Red, hiding something from everyone? He was always pretty loud about things that most people tried to keep discreet. What could he possibly be hiding that would be private even to him?

“As long as you didn’t murder someone,” you said with a smile. He started to close the game, so thankfully, no, he hadn’t murdered anyone.

When he stood up, you moved to get up with him, but he stopped you. “No, it’s in here, I’ll jus’… grab it.”

You watched as he went over to a disorganized pile of… lots of things. Books, video games, magazines, dirty clothing. His room wasn’t as messy as it used to be, but Red was still a Sans. Lazy was their thing.

He started to dig around and eventually fished out several books. You already knew he was a scientist, so they couldn’t be physics books. Were they… porn or something? Like, some really weird kind? No, that wouldn’t make any sense, why would he show you that? You didn’t really need to know the details of his habits in that department.

When he headed back over, you could see an actual blush on his face. Seriously, what was this? Was it romantic? Was he trying to be romantic? No, you’d seen that before, and it was adorably awkward, not… tense, like this.

“So,” he said, “please, just… promise ya won’t laugh at me.”

Why would you laugh at him? Not that you never had, but it had never been spiteful or condescending. “I won’t laugh at you. I promise.”

“... Cool.” He looked down at the books. You couldn’t even get a good look at their spines. Alright, now you had to know what this was about. If he backed out you were going to be really frustrated.

“So,” he said, “y’know how Rus sometimes likes bakin’ stuff, and ya told me that sometimes it’s better than other times?”

… What?

What did this have to do with Red? Still, you nodded-- albeit slowly, and you were sure your confusion was visible on your face.

“W… Well, the times you said it was better, Rus didn’t bake ‘em.”

For some reason, you didn’t put the pieces together at this point. Probably because you were too busy being confused that he had brought up such a mundane topic when being so secretive. “What?”

He made a small sound of frustration, though it wasn’t directed at you, and then held the books up so that you could see their covers.

Recipes.

Baking recipes.

“Wait,” you said, “you bake?”

He looked like he wanted to bury his face in something. “Yeah.”

You bit your lip, but it was no use; you started to giggle. He looked surprised, and you forced yourself to stop when he shrank back a little in embarrassment.

“N-- no,” you said, “it’s not like that! I’m not--”

“I know it’s lame, ya don’t hafta pretend it ain’t.”

“No, Red, I’m just… This is it? This is the secret you wanted to tell me?” Surely there was more.

“Yeah.”

There wasn’t more. You snorted. “Why is this so embarrassing?”

“I mean… it’s not real on-brand fer me, it’s a real soft hobby.” He kept avoiding eye contact. “Stuff like that.” It sounded like there was a lot more on his mind, but you knew Red had a hard time talking about how he felt. You wouldn’t press him about it.

You shrugged. “I mean, it’s unexpected, yeah, but that’s not a bad thing.” You nodded at the books. “How long have you been doing this for?”

“Started a while after we ended up wit’ all th’ other skeletons, livin’ together. It’s actually… kinda nice, tah do somethin’ soft.” His toothy smile returned. “Kinda like a weird middle finger to th’ Underground. Also, I gotta sweet tooth, ‘n this helps.”

His reasons actually seemed pretty Red-like. “A middle finger is totally on-brand for you.”

He was loosening up, his smile less strained and nervous than it was before. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Then you realized something.

“Wait, doesn’t Rus know?”

Red’s smile faltered. “Uh… not exactly.”

Again, what? “Then how…?”

“So, sometimes he fucks up real bad.” His face grew oddly serious. “‘N I mean real bad. Not ‘s bad as Boss’s cookin’, but that’s not sayin’ much. It can be a real disaster. Or jus’ flavorless, ‘r whatever. So, I, uh… I may or may not toss it out, ‘n then bake a replacement.”

You snorted and let out another laugh, this one louder than the giggling from before. “And he doesn’t know?”

Red’s grin widened. “‘E’s got no idea. Thinks it’s just a stroke ‘a genius.” Some pink crept onto his cheeks again. “But… ya can’t tell, OK? The others’d make fun of me.”

“No they wouldn’t.”

“Some’a them would.”

… OK, yeah, maybe some of them would. “OK, I promise I won’t tell.”

“Thanks.”

You stood up. “You said doing soft stuff was a middle finger?”

He looked a bit curious as to what you were getting at, but he answered, “Yeah.”

You headed over to him and wrapped your arms around his neck before kissing his cheek.

“Can we cuddle?” you asked in a small, gentle voice that you knew seemed to crack him every time.

He was surprised for a moment, then dropped the books on the floor in his typical fashion. You wouldn’t tell him to put them up-- not now that he was wrapping his own arms around your waist.

“Ah… d-- doll,” he mumbled shyly.

His face had somehow gotten redder, and the usual edge he had to his smile was gone. His eyelights were large and fuzzy; you always loved when he looked at you like that.

“Y… Yer the only thing I really need tah help my sweet tooth,” he said quietly.

He was always so timid when he said anything romantic. You nuzzled him. “You’re so cute,” you told him.

“Don’ say that, ‘m supposed t’be bad.” You could tell he didn’t mean it-- he was smiling.

“Whatever you say, bad boy.” Bad boy. Psh. He was adorable. So adorable that he was going to be the death of you. “We should bake together sometime.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. We could make brownies when no one’s around. And then eat them with ice cream.”

His grin became a bit mischievous. “Yeah. It’ll be our dirty little secret, huh?” It softened again and he placed his forehead against yours. “You said you wanna cuddle, sweetheart?”

“Mhmm. A middle finger to the Underground, right? Screw the Underground.”

“Yeah,” he said, pulling you close and nuzzling you, although it was a bit rougher than necessary. “Fuck that place.”

He was still learning how to cuddle properly, but you didn’t care. You just liked being in his arms.

[heliosthegriffin]

Jaune “Mean Bastard” Arc AU.

The Arc family is a family stapled into history with their deeds of heroism, their immense physical strength, willingness to accept others into their clan at the drop of a hat, fighting against insurmountable odds for no apparent reason other than it being the right thing to do.

...That was only half the story however.

Ozpin thought to himself as he watched a tall, very lean blonde strut off the airship.

“Please, please don’t make scene today, Mr. Arc.” Ozpin said to himself, but the tone lacked hope, and most of all was riddled with fear. “Your not even a student here! You didn’t even send in transcript! How’d you even get onto the airship!”

But, deep down Ozpin knew, he always knew, he was an Arc, and Arc’s found a way, one that most people wouldn’t call ethical, sane or even reasonable.

Ozpin shivered, the Arc clan had been much too quiet in recent years. Was he the reason?

What terrible reason could this new Arc have to come to his school.

“Gods help us all, gods help every one of us.”

-

“So, much for a warm welcome to Beacon.” Ruby muttered to herself in her crater.

“Need a hand?” A warm voice asked her.

Ruby looked up into the two bluest eyes she’d ever seen, and blushed deeply.

“You ok? Looking a little hot under the collar.” The man before her asked with concern.

Ruby could hardly speak, he looked like a modern day fairly tail knight. WIth long blonde bangs, sapphire eyes, handsome face, dressed in all white, blue, and gold.

“I..I”..I”m fine!” Ruby squeaked out.

The blonde boy reached out to grab a flailing hand and pull her to her feet. Ruby wasn’t ready for that however and ended up face to abs with him.

‘So warm, so firm, I could stay here forever.’ Ruby thought to herself. Before going atomic on her blushing, and Rose Warping ten feet behind herself.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you, just thought you could use a hand getting up.” The man said with remourse. “I’ll let you go about your buisness now.

“RUBY ROSE!”

“Hmm?” “MY NAME IS RUBY ROSE! THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR HELPING ME!”

The blonde man reeled back from her sudden outburst of thanks.

A smile graced his face.

“Jaune Arc.”

-

“So I got this.”

*Unfurls Crescent Rose*

“Neat.”

“So, you got anything?”

“Hmm. not here.” “Oh, did you send it ahead?” “Nope just didn’t feel like bringing it from home. Didn’t think I need a weapon for this.”

“What! How are you going to fight any Grimm if you don’t have a weapon!? Even my sister needs Ember Celica before she goes punching Grimm out!” Ruby said doing so painfully bad shadow boxing.

“Oh, I didn’t come here to fight Grimm.” “What? Why are you here then, if you’re going to be a hunts-man in training you need to fight Grimm.” “Bold assumption, I’m not already a huntsman.” “Oh, yeah right, you look pretty strong and stuff...” “But, a correct one.” Ruby could only pout at being played like she had. Eye little eyes then spyed two blocky pouchs on his waist.

“What are those?”

“Oh those, one is my journal that take notes in, and the other, well, hehehe, I guess you could say it’s ledger.” “A ledger for what?” “Oh, for keeping track of debts and stuff.”

SIlence filled the space between the two.

“Are you a kneecapper?”

“Of sorts.” “I don’t think we can be friends.” “That is fair.”

“Do you work for the mob, or like, Torchwick.” “Nope, I work for me.”

“Freelance?” “All of my debts relates not to money, but personal experiences.”

“Oh, kinda like when you help some move, and they drive you across town?”

“Close enough, and looks like we’re at the auditorium, I’d say see you around, but since we can’t be friends, bye forever.”

“Wait, wait, I take it back!” But Jaune was gone into the crowd.

“Ahh, fiddle sticks.”

-

Ozpin looked calm and composed on the outside, but he was freaking the hell out on the inside. He lost track of the Arc, he fucking lost him! He could be anywhere doing anything!

He hasn’t even told Glynda, or anybody else, oh, gods this is going to be a blood bath.

He gave a inperceptible sigh, and decided to give his speech. “Hello, children-”

Warm breath behind him caused him to freeze.

‘When did he get behind me!?’

He could see the children murmuring at the unexpected guest.

“Hi, you must be Ozpin!” The warm voice said behind him. “I’m Jaune Arc lord patriarch of the Arc Clan, and you have been at the top of our shit list for five decades, you have a one day to prepare your last will and rights. Tah-Tah see you in twenty four hours.”

“What are you doing here young man! Get off the stage!” He heard Glynda yell at the Arc behind him.

He would stop her, but he needed to right his will again tonight.

Jaune Arc seemingly did nothing to react to Goodwitch but stare at her.

“Are you obstructing me?”

“Why yes I am, you are interrupting the initiation!”

“I see then.” Jaune brought out his note book.

“What are you doing!?” “Adding you to my shit-list ma’am, and if you don’t stop talking I’m going to just put you further up there.” Jaune said as if it was the most casual thing in the world.

“What I, I never, you, you miscreant!”

“Just keeping talking sugar tits, just keep going up my to-do list.” He shot a Glynda a smirk. “I changed my mind I want to break you into the Arc clan, we like ‘em feisty.”

She went Nuclear with rage and leveled her wand at him and fired a telekinetic wave at him.

“Oops,” Jaune said as the wave hit him, sending him out of the room and into the courtyard.

“That’ll teach him, the arrogant miscreant, should have been smarter to pick a fight here.” Glynda said proudly, “Someone get him off this campus and into a hospital.” “Ah, so kind. You do care, too bad you hit like a child.” Jaune said from behind Glynda picking her up in his arms like a princess “Well, fix that later.” Shooting her a wink in his arms.

‘So strong, and comfy.’ Glynda thought gobsmacked in his arms.

He then looked at Ozpin. “Remember old man, a day and no more.”

It was then that Jaune remembered a legion of students looking at him. “The fuck you all looking at, never seen a man take care of business before?”

The student shuffled around awkwardly.

“Yeah, I damn well thought so. Why are you all dressed so damn weird? Am I at a Anime con or a huntsman academy, Ozpin your standards suck.”

‘I like him more already.” Glynda thought. ‘Standards have been dropping for years.’

“Alright, I know whats happening next.” Jaune said proudly. “I am going to walk my happy ass out of here, and if anyone of you can so much as inconvience me, I will personally train or find someone to train you at the Arc compound.”

The student started looking very nervous, the man took down Glynda Goodwitch with no effort. What chance did they have?

Yang thought differently and launched a flying punch at him, Jaune bent his waist and launched a brutal kick straight into Yang's midsection and sending her through the ceiling.

Ruby came next like a rose petal reaper for his bent over next. Jaune grabbed it with his teeth and threw her aside like a puppy with just neck power.

Weiss not to miss a opportunity, speeds forward on glyphs to skewer him also while shoot a wave of ice at his feet, and a stream of fire at his face.

Casually he flexed his legs and shattered the ice, and kicked his leg out hard enough to send a shock-wave that knocked over idle students and killed Weiss flames.

Weiss however sped through the shock wave, and went to stab Jaune. The blade mere inches from his heart, Jaune leaned down to head butt Weiss while dodging the blade. Weiss went down like a sack of potatos.

Nora went down with hammer at Jaune, but he moved and let her fall on his knee, then grab her by the neck with his teeth throwing her through a wall. Jauen followed up with a kick behind him hitting Ren rag dolling him.

Pyrrha appeared last, an launched a series of precise shots and then strikes at Jaune, only for him to dodge each one, and knee her when she over extended by the millimeter.

WIth that the last of the challengers fell unconscious. All within twenty second, All with Goodwitch in his arms.

“Nice try, I’ll come collect the one’s who tried tomorrow, but first.” Jaune grabbed a handful of Goodwitch’s ass, causing her to gasp out. “I got break in the new Arc.”

“It’s Goodwitch..” She muttered weakly.

“Not anymore.” “...Ok.”

“Ozpin, anyone else that wants to try can do so tomorrow when I merc’ you ass.”

And with that the Arc left, taking Ozpins secretary with him.

-

That was the other side of the Arc clan, one of maruding madmen who recorded their grudges and never let them go, holding onto any slight for centuries, training their young to perfecting and taking fresh blood to increase their grudge spilling power.

Destroying Grimm Hordes because they killed a family pet.

Killing Tyrants for increasing taxes.

Cucking buisness men, because they heard they them demean their name.

The list goes on. But the fact is the Arc Clan is petty beyond reason, and always looking for more members... If you meet their interest that is.

AN: Added a drop of smut in there, don’t know how I feel about it. Hope it turned out ok. Then again it’s crack.

[the-himawari]

A3! Seasonal Event Translation - Ride on a Galaxy Train (3/11)

*Please read disclaimer on blog; default name set as Izumi

---

Misumi: I’ll be having this triangle onigiri curry!

Masumi: Itadakimasu.

Banri: Oh yeah, we gotta decide on a rough setting for our upcoming performance, and I think it’d be better to include info about trains or sleeper trains in it.

Izumi: That’s true. It might a good idea to do some research and get to know more about them.

Tsumugi: We should also read works that have trains or sleeper trains appearing in them, right?

*door opens*

Itaru: I’m home.

Misumi: Welcome back, Itaru.

Izumi: Welcome home.

Masumi: Works with trains in them…

Itaru: Hm? What are we talking about?

Banri: We’re just discussin’ whether we should watch stuff with sleeper trains in ‘em for our play.

Itaru: Hm hm, I thought you’d say that.

Masumi: That smug face is gross.

Itaru: K, anyways. Tah dah. I bought a DVD of “Galactic Eternity Train”.

Tsumugi: Galactic Eternity Train?

Itaru: It was huge hit that struck the hearts of many generations. You see, it’s an anime movie about fighting monsters on a train that runs through the galaxy.

Banri: Ahh, that’s the one that Itaru-san went to the movie theatre to watch for a period of time, right?

Masumi: That reminds me, I feel like he was talking about it all the time.

Itaru: You two remember well.

Izumi: The setting is a train that runs through the galaxy, huh? Sounds interesting.

Misumi: Yeah, yeah! I wanna watch it too~!

Tsumugi: It seems we’ll be able to learn a lot about trains while also enjoying ourselves.

Itaru: On that topic, this film is also the same way, but when it comes to sleeper trains… The standard story is when the train can’t stop and threatens to run off the track, or when the train almost crashes into a huge obstacle, right?

Banri: Dude, don’t say somethin’ so ominous.

Izumi: But that’s true; sleeper trains are also used as stages for mysteries and there’s lots of incidents that happen in them, right?

Itaru: Exactly. So then, who wants to start off watching this DVD?

Tsumugi: I might be able to watch it tomorrow since I have time before my tutoring job. Do you mind if I borrow it first?

Itaru: Ok, here you go.

Tsumugi: Thank you. I can’t wait to watch it.

Banri: M’kay, then each of us should lend what we have, or look for different novels and movies with trains or sleeper trains in ‘em.

Izumi: Yeah, good idea. I’ll try searching too.

Masumi: I got it.

Misumi: I’ll go to the library too~!

Izumi: How about we gather back together after watching some things?

Tsumugi: I’ll let Guy know about our plan later. I think he’s at work right now.

Banri: By the way, Misumi, I was just sorta curious—why’d you apply for a job as a 1-day sleeper train crew member?

Itaru: True, there’s lots of other part-time jobs, aren’t there?

Misumi: Um, you see, it was written on the recruitment flyer that Theatre troupe members were welcome~. And if I rode the train, I thought I could go really far, and that I could buy a triangle pennant, so I applied~!

Izumi: Ahh, that makes sense.

Tsumugi: Fufu, that sounds like Misumi-kun.

Itaru: Lol, nothing stops this guy.

-pause-

Tsumugi: Galactic Eternity Train was really interesting, wasn’t it…!

Guy: Yes, it was certainly worth the watch. I expect nothing less from an anime movie Chigasaki recommends.

Tsumugi: The world of a train running through the galaxy sure is amazing too. There’s a sense of adventure, right?

Guy: The atmosphere of the city of stars that appeared was nice and very beautiful as well. However, I did not expect the main character to die at the end…

Tsumugi: That was surprising… But I felt moved since I could feel their passionate desire to protect the train.

Guy: Yes, you’re right about that.

Tsumugi: (Come to think of it, I feel like there have always been lots of popular novels and anime that have stories about a train travelling through the galaxy.)

---

previous | next

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Boxing Day Extravaganza boop Jimmy: Okay so we know they're taking the train Jimmy: which appaz only takes like 35 mins so that's nice, not to have to entertain the kids for an age Jimmy: cos everywhere would be busy and hellish given that it's boxing day Janis: nice lil' journey, no one has time to get antsy, probably only need to do one hellish train toilet moment per child lol Jimmy: we can all get arty because Jimothy promised to keep doing the bae daily masterpieces Janis: get a table seat, love that for yous Jimmy: Cass just on her phone �� being antisocial the whole time, love you gal, but the rest of us are living our best lives Jimmy: having hot chocolate and all the left over gingerbread and other festive snacks like 😁 Janis: you'll end up having an alright time in your own tween way don't worry Janis: the plethora of christmas toys that you've simply had to bring Jimmy: maybe you can have a Lisa beach friends moment Janis: that'd be cute, some kids at the arcade or something Jimmy: much more British and chill because we haven't stolen Ian's car for you to cover with 🐚s sadly Janis: I used to make friends on hols, live laugh love with whatever kids have also been dragged to Skerries lol Jimmy: I did not which tells you everything you need to know about how shy I was and how much my sister didn't want us to have other friends when we were kids Janis: gatekeeper trace so rude Janis: okay, so we're getting there, what do we wanna hit, obviously all the beachy cliches we can and also some festive ones Jimmy: gonna have a dip in the sea even though it's freezing af even if you only put your feet in lads Jimmy: the awkward moment when you think you only have a day here so you're gonna cram it all in and then be like oh Janis: don't be babies you can do it Janis: not the actual babies though, you will die Jimmy: stay with Cass even though I'm certain Libi will wanna do it Janis: she will be tryna run lmao Jimmy: soz for that Cass Jimmy: you'll be able to go off with your mates when you meet them, just give jj the chance to be competitive in the sea for a sec Jimmy: obvs gotta win something piss easy in the arcade and then lowkey bankrupt yourself trying to get the same thing for the other kid as always happened to my dad LOL Janis: hohaha yes Janis: also last time we went to an arcade you could get gross sour sweets with the tickets so the kids will be pinging Jimmy: love that Jimmy: Jimothy see how many you can fit in your mouth/eat because I would Janis: changing money into all the 2ps for the penny falls and having the cup for the money fun Jimmy: I bloody love an arcade tbh all that good stuff and beach fun and snow fun because it has to snow more for the trains to stop running since you got there okay Janis: when you realize it's coming down fast hun Janis: and I oop Jimmy: should've tried to leave as soon as the snow started but we're not because we don't wanna Jimmy: even though that phone call to Ian to tell him you aren't coming back will be lovely and put you in a great mood Janis: like you LOVE spending time with your kids ok sir Janis: everyone gonna be lowkey pissed soz weather happens lads Jimmy: we're with all our fave peeps we'll soon cheer up and live our best lives Jimmy: we definitely need there to be some board games in this caravan Jimmy: crack out the uno Janis: its not like you're without shelter and warmth, everyone will be fine, we're all buzzing lbr Janis: yes, all the board games, there'll at least be a telly to watch festive shit on Jimmy: Jimothy will make so much tea, we'll be cosy Janis: you should also eat comfort food like beans on toast ty Jimmy: make a little soft world/den for the bubs Janis: campout in the lounge 'cos you're not gonna wanna share a room alone but also don't wanna be separated so enjoy the double moment Cass Jimmy: winning her over with that Janis: at least that's an excuse if we want to message 'cos no privacy whilst they're out here snuggling Jimmy: true that's a good idea Jimmy: and won't wanna wake them by talking out loud when they're eventually asleep which would probably take forever cos buzzing Janis: my thoughts exactly, and it means we can ref a bit without literally sitting here listing every possible thing ourselves Jimmy: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jimmy: 👍? Janis: can't really accuse you of making it snow Janis: but my foot does feel in danger again 🪓💘 Jimmy: just do 🌧 me Janis: next doodle sorted Janis: get loads of likes Jimmy: blank page would an' all long as I do a #goals caption Janis: show off Janis: not much chance of me giving you #goals muse inspo in day old clothes so you'll have to rely on that clout Jimmy: LITERALLY the opposite, about the muse not my 🎨 Jimmy: and there's every chance if you don't wear any clothes, duh Janis: you still have to think up the words Janis: and 🔥 emoji usage 🙌😩 Jimmy: nowt challenging about that Jimmy: 😍💕or 🤤 Janis: how much chance do you reckon there is of no clothes Janis: meant to be 🥶 to death here Jimmy: depends how 🔥 you reckon I am Janis: 💯 Janis: obviously Jimmy: but I get it, any excuse for a shopping trip, girl Janis: 🤑🛍😍 Janis: you know me so well Jimmy: meant to be working tomorrow, take your chance while there's still 💰 to be after Janis: bummer Janis: it should clear soon, can't have you pining for it too hard, like Jimmy: 🥺☕💔🎻😭 Jimmy: @ my manager before he has chance to miss me Janis: *replace you Janis: 😬😶 Jimmy: 😱😱 Janis: literally who said that, omg Janis: so rude! Jimmy: brb gotta 👻 there to serve some lattes Janis: yeah, you'll need to wife it before you try and leave me with 3 kids Jimmy: weren't no 💍 in the grabbers, looks like we're going shopping after all, babe Janis: missed a trick there, honestly Janis: probably had a ring pop if we'd looked harder Jimmy: Libi'd have that right off you, mate Jimmy: don't even have to jilt you Jimmy: replaced mid-proposal Janis: true Janis: and she needs no more sugar ever again Janis: ❌ Janis: you'll have to just stay put, soz Jimmy: were gonna get you one of them mood rings but it'd give the game away by saying you weren't ALWAYS 😍 Jimmy: only need the one fan 👀 Janis: how dare you doubt my acting abilities Janis: ALWAYS on and ready for my close up Jimmy: that ain't acting it's 🔮 OBVS Janis: magic, talent Janis: all the same to me 🥇👑 Jimmy: alright bighead, go on Janis: go on what? Jimmy: always on, you said Jimmy: impress me with one of your talents Janis: here and now? Jimmy: might be on for a bit weren't what you said Janis: Libi's already seen you partially clothed once Janis: not trying to traumatize them permanently Jimmy: what you bringing me into it for? it's your talent Janis: already shown you how to juggle too Jimmy: there's nowt else? Janis: rude Janis: you made me sing to you as well, if you recall Jimmy: tah for the reminder to send that to Pete Jimmy: he's looking for a lead 🎤 so I've heard Janis: I'd literally kill you Jimmy: shouldn't have to beg you Jimmy: you know that's all I want Janis: 😤 Janis: obviously all I want it to have an ill-fated romance with Pete but you stagemomming me was not part of the dream Jimmy: you look SO cute when you're fuming Jimmy: what's your plan then? Janis: find a totally natural way to drop hints that I'm dead talented over my lattes, duh Janis: writing lyrics in a notebook, being SO cute 🤔 Jimmy: he's got a girlfriend with a normal sized head, but I think he can read so you're probably on to something there with the last bit Janis: normal? Janis: how...exciting Jimmy: you'll find a natural way to drop hints you're after a threesome an' all I'm sure Janis: sounds like a 🥈 move Janis: if I can't get her chucked what is the point Jimmy: perfect for you, that Janis: in no world am I runner-up Janis: fake or otherwise Jimmy: not to her, just to me Janis: you don't do co-workers, you're disqualified Jimmy: you reckon you could get her chucked but I couldn't get him sacked Janis: 😱 Janis: then comfort him, that's evil Janis: okay 💀👑 Jimmy: 😈 Jimmy: haven't seen her for ages, bit of normality for you, that Janis: me? Janis: she's your favourite customer Janis: clearly spend loads of time chatting and plotting Jimmy: that's Tammy, how dare you Jimmy: she orders loads Janis: she needs the energy for her tiktok dances Janis: don't call her fat Jimmy: that were you Jimmy: I would NEVER Janis: nah, 'course not Janis: she's your bestie Jimmy: #BFF Jimmy: but that's you an' all so Jimmy: 💔 for her Janis: I'm not sharing Jimmy: I'm not making you Janis: you know she'd take a bigger piece Jimmy: she'd try but you'd 🥊 her Janis: you want me to fight for you Jimmy: if she's after me, you're gonna have to protect me Janis: alright Janis: guess I don't wanna see you squashed to death Jimmy: get these bandages off first before I need another set Janis: you can go have an ice bath Janis: if you wanna Jimmy: why would I want that? Jimmy: sounds fucking horrible Janis: not because you're being too 🥵 idiot Janis: to help with the swelling Jimmy: 🙄 I got that Janis: you went in the sea Janis: you just have to sit for a bit longer Jimmy: you didn't wanna be left with 3 kids a bit ago Jimmy: make up your mind, Jeanette Janis: later then Janis: just don't scream and wake them up Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 Janis: we'll 👀 Jimmy: yeah and you won't hear nowt Janis: 😏 Janis: did it hurt less today Jimmy: [throws a cushion at her for the 😏 and to distract from having to answer that because probably hurt more if anything all the fun and games they've done today] Janis: [inadvertantly start a pillow fight here which you need to then calm back down] Janis: don't think I didn't notice Jimmy: ? Janis: you didn't answer Jimmy: you reckon I never do Janis: it speaks volumes Janis: you're alright Jimmy: there you go then Janis: if you're alright with it being inferred, yeah Jimmy: dunno about your 🤓🗨 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: I'm alright, leave it out Janis: fine Janis: no hot chocolate for you Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: you're SO rude Janis: yep Janis: that's what you get Jimmy: but Jimmy: we're best mates Janis: maybe Janis: but Bobbys nicer to me so he's getting extra marshmallows Jimmy: it were you going on about how you were gonna be nice to me Jimmy: should've known it were bollocks Janis: you threw the first pillow, mate Jimmy: you chucked out a pisstakey 😏 before that Jimmy: weren't me who started it Janis: not my fault you're known for being well loud Jimmy: isn't it? Jimmy: I'd say it were your fault Janis: don't make me 😏 again Jimmy: alright I'll make you 😳 Janis: I'll blame the ☕s Jimmy: you want a hand? Janis: [throw a LOOK from your kitchen area] Jimmy: [come on over boy and be giving her a LOOK back the entire time obvs] Janis: [do the thing where the kitchen is too small so you're lowkey just in each other's way the whole time in a #mood of a moment like so much more of a hindrance than a help] Jimmy: [and also the thing where you kiss only to break apart as if nothing happened if anyone notices] Janis: [Bobby would be used to you having a gf about as the last one moved herself in but Libi is not so she'd be the kind of kid to be like UMMMMMMM] Jimmy: [Oh Libi you are such an icon] Janis: [just like why you kissing are you boyfriend and girlfriend, Janis like shh bitch] Jimmy: [Jimothy's turn to be 😏 irl] Janis: [when you can't be like NO 'cos how confusing for the kids but you're like not gonna confess my love gal, hush, Libi is so gonna try and smooch Bobby watch out boy] Jimmy: [so here for that adorableness tbh] Janis: [when lil kids are like this is my boyfriend lmao] Janis: you've been replaced now Janis: how does it feel 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻😭😭😭 Janis: that's what you get Janis: dumping me mid proposal Jimmy: you keep saying that Jimmy: but from here I ain't proposed yet Janis: don't let on Janis: she'll be raging Jimmy: I'll take her with me tomorrow when I go pick the 💍 Jimmy: get her back on side Janis: got a plan for everything, you Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: wait until its later in the year and I'm jonesing for more 🎁 again Jimmy: no need, you can have owt you want whenever you want it Jimmy: there's the plan, like Janis: well goals 😍😍 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: if nothing else Janis: plenty of 🌨 to play with tomorrow Jimmy: I do take requests Jimmy: have a 💭 what ⛄ you want Janis: well you are pretty skilled Janis: have to think of something challenging Jimmy: you've got all night Janis: if they ever go to sleep Jimmy: you'll have to read them a long boring story Janis: ❌ voices ❌ personal cameos for you kids Jimmy: get Bill's 👻 in Jimmy: owt of his'll get the job done Janis: 😱😱 so true but you didn't have to go there, babe Jimmy: he can't be fuming that I want you to stay with me, it's his whole brand Janis: 🤞 he don't get too carried away with your 💀 scene now or they'll be having nightmares and then there'll be no time for ⛄ Jimmy: they'll be able to hack it Janis: hack you up into lots of pieces Jimmy: don't matter about me, long as no 🐕s are 💀💀💀 Janis: if nothing he knows his audience Jimmy: I get it, you wanna marry him Janis: pretty sure he's married Janis: bet he's got more than 3 kids as well Jimmy: and what you're gonna let that stop you? doubt that Janis: rude Janis: breaking up Pete and his groupie is one thing Janis: homewrecking is another Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you're 👌 at me now Jimmy: I just did do Jimmy: you'll be chuffed to know I had a look and he has got 3 kids Jimmy: one of them was a twin called Judith, so you might be his daughter Janis: like he had twins or one survived Janis: I'll take being the 💀 one if that's the option Jimmy: the dead one was a lad Janis: ugh Janis: great Janis: more lesbian jokes Jimmy: we've 💀💀💀 them, you're alright Janis: had no idea Judith was such an old name Jimmy: can't say I ain't taught you owt 🤓 Jimmy: know my audience an' all Janis: can't help yourself 🤓 Janis: I reckon Jimmy: you can't help nerd flirting with me, more like Jimmy: about to crack the chess set out, you Janis: chequers, maybe Jimmy: dunno never played Janis: just chess for thick people Janis: less 🤔🤓 more 🥴🤯 Jimmy: still too northern 💔 what were I gonna do make the bits out of 🥔 Janis: don't reckon we've got it in so you're safe Jimmy: what do you wanna do instead? Janis: that's the question Jimmy: answer it then Jimmy: [a LOOK] Janis: [😳] Janis: it's not obvious? Jimmy: might be but it should be just as obvious that I wanna hear it Janis: how badly I want some alone time with you just increased Jimmy: 🚬? Janis: worth a go Jimmy: [do your best to try and escape lads] Janis: [probably enough into our hot chocolate/festive film to give you a few minutes here] Jimmy: [take your chance and leg it] Janis: [lord knows you need the moment Jimmy: [it's deserved you didn't know you'd still be here with all these kids and no privacy whatsoever] Janis: [what a time, at least you don't have to go home and separate 'cos heaven forbid] Jimmy: [that would suck, the time between boxing day and nye is weird enough if you like your fam and aren't a highkey teen in love so] Janis: [hence 'I missed you' like you've not spent forever together at this point and barely been apart] Jimmy: [hence the most genuine smile ever like an adorable nerd because whatever he was expecting her to say was not that but we're here for it] Janis: [when you go to nudge him like shut up but it's more of a feelsy lean and we all know it 'sorry about missing work' 'cos we feel bad even if there's fuck all we can or could do about it] Jimmy: [always gotta give that feelsy lean back regardless of how much it hurts us which gets him thinking about how much work would suck being this injured so we're 😒 which makes it seem like we're really annoyed about missing work even though we know he'd rather be here, hence the shrug he does when he snaps out of said thoughts 'you're my fave job any road, said it before' stop calling her a job sir even if you said that in a more feelsy tone than the words suggest] Janis: ['charming as the first time' and a 🙄 we're probably playing off as more jokey than it is] Jimmy: ['nowt I'd wanna be doing more than pissing about here with you, what could be more charming than that?' maybe if you'd said that in the first place boy instead of calling her a job again] Janis: ['I'm against serving coffee to ungrateful dickheads, it's not much to brag about, like' but a shrug and 😏 'cos we're not fuming over it] Jimmy: ['loads else you could if you wanted to' just telling her she's 🥇 basically there 'but I'll do it if not' casual hypeman is how that sounds but we're just 😍] Jimmy: [when I was asleep a little list of things he likes about her/she could brag about came to me so I'll try and recreate it from memory for us now, first he was obvious and just wrote fit on her arm or wherever but then did a camera and painting mime to emphasise that and tell her she was a good muse before adding mysterious where he wrote fit but then it started getting cute cos he drew little vampire teeth in the air above her smile and a sun on her face which he added the 😁 grin to obvs and then because we were in that general area he wrote nerd in caps on her neck across the biggest lovebite because not only is she such a one but to include nerd flirting then we moved to her throat and he did 🗨 because he likes talking to her and added a 🎵 inside because she's genuinely a good singer then wrote fun before adding the ny as well cos she's also a laugh then he went down to where her abs are and wrote athlete also in caps because DUH and finally on her ribs did the ✔ again because she's been taking care of him and is so kind and nice etc and while he was there got carried away just drawing an elaborate and massive rose for all the love and feels we can't currently express] Jimmy: [there might have been others I'm forgetting but those were definitely the main ones] Janis: [I'm dying boo, we're going to have to be physical because if we aren't speechless then things will be said but it's going to be the most intense and loving ever so we know] Jimmy: [not letting that be interrupted, soz children fend for yourselves for a minute please] Janis: [it's not like we've gone far, you're fine and we need this so we don't die] Jimmy: [my half asleep day dream has killed us all I am soz] Janis: [we're not soz at all, y'all living your best life] Jimmy: [the feels have never been higher] Janis: [are gonna have to force you back in eventually] Jimmy: [if only so y'all don't declare your love in words as well] Janis: [smack on that window children because it's too damn soon hush] Jimmy: [Libi 👀 to see if you're kissing] Janis: [she's gonna tell everyone lmao, tiniest shipper] Jimmy: [I love her with my whole heart] Janis: [mcvickers getting that lowdown they did not ask for when we're back, accidental snitching, at least we're being good-ish lmao] Jimmy: [Fearghal gonna be so amused, Tess will not LOL but yeah you've taken good care of this bub so you win points for that lads] Janis: [can't say fairer than that] Jimmy: [gonna be so heartbreaking when you're not allowed to stay there and see Libi, I could cry] Janis: [we have to make things go so downhill in a sec in a lot of ways, sad times] Jimmy: [winnie will love the drama, but for now go inside and try and get these kids to fall asleep] Janis: [threaten them with separation if they don't start to chill, that'll work] Jimmy: [try not to lol at how horrified they are at the prospect] Janis: 😱💔💀 Jimmy: #relatable for you, that Janis: you wish Jimmy: 🎂 Jimmy: ain't even Jesus' birthday no more Jimmy: can't piggyback off that Janis: sound like a right parent Janis: over before it's even started Jimmy: none of the fans know when mine is, might just have it so you have to get me more 🎁🎁🎁 Janis: that's not fair Janis: you'll get whatevers left in the grabber and that'll be that Janis: you'll have to pretend you won it for me and all or it's not very #goals Jimmy: told you loads of times I don't play fair, Jules 🏆 and that's that Jimmy: spoil me on my fake birthday or you ain't very #goals Janis: well used to bdays not being fair 🎻🎻 Janis: 15 years too late for that to sting Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: hang on, I'll knock you up your own 🎂 Jimmy: [genuinely goes to make her a mug cake in secret, look away children there's none for you bye] Janis: such a 🤓 Janis: [like we're not 😍] Jimmy: So you don't want it? Alright Jimmy: [we know she do] Janis: never said that Janis: [grabby hands like gimme] Jimmy: [🤫 which he always looks hot doing like okay cover me so you don't have to share this with the children] Janis: [🤐 like I got this] Jimmy: [cleaning the kitchen but also sneaky doing this and when it's done gesturing for her to come here so they can swap places and she can sneakily eat it, just know he has 1000% put a little candle it in and lit it with the best lighter ever because every mum has a drawer of shit like that it's simply facts] Janis: [obviously taking a picture of this] Janis: why are you Jimmy: 'cause you're Jimmy: and I just Janis: you're Janis: too nice Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: nah Jimmy: yeah Janis: to me Jimmy: I'm as nice as I wanna be to you Janis: I ain't earnt it Jimmy: when have I said that? Janis: you haven't but it's still true Jimmy: up to me is what it is Janis: you hand out the 🏆 Jimmy: take yours Jimmy: you've been nice to me for ages Jimmy: what were it I said the other day, you'd be telling me to piss off by the end of this one Jimmy: worth a 🏆 that you've not Janis: just in it for the cake Janis: obviously Jimmy: you've done alright then Janis: it's not hard Janis: being nice to you Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say to make a cake Janis: [irl 😏 from the kitchen trying not to lol] Jimmy: didn't know I were fake dating a dickhead like Paul Hollywood Janis: again, you wish Jimmy: no denying that 👴💕 Jimmy: but I'll have to make do with a  🤝 off you for now Janis: [obviously come back over and do said handshake like a nerd and like it's not dangerous to be anywhere near each other rn] Jimmy: [you know he's gonna run his thumb across her lip whether there's any chocolate there or not because the mood we're in and we can pretend it's because it's so secret like can't let the children see the evidence] Janis: [thank god for the solid excuse to snuggle like we're going sleep now come on] Jimmy: [just 👀 at these kids all the damn time like are you asleep yet] Janis: [finally] Janis: I think she's asleep Janis: he's 50/50 Jimmy: [chucks something at him, softly obvs] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: that was a risk Jimmy: [😏 because we love a risk like that] Jimmy: didn't reckon on you as 🙀🙀 Janis: you reckoned right then Janis: good for you Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: don't get carried away Janis: I'm the one that's not scared Jimmy: prove it Janis: [a look that's half well how would you like me to do that and half, I'm thinkin'] Jimmy: [just a LOOK like] Janis: [I like to think you two are at least in the middle 'cos Libi and Bobby wouldn't stop chatting so you had to make a human barrier lol, so that makes it less hard to kiss him now and give him a new quick love bite but also harder to just stop there] Jimmy: [you know you're getting one back for literally no reason whatsoever gal] Janis: [casually trying have a makeout sesh in total silence rn] Jimmy: [we know how impossible that is for either of you so good luck] Janis: [gonna have to stop and pretend you're just being like, see, not scared] Jimmy: [gonna have to go for that ice bath for all the reasons now boy lol] Janis: they're definitely asleep Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: I would've woke up Jimmy: you don't sleep 🧛 Janis: you want me to? Janis: [turning our back like night then] Jimmy: [you know we're rolling you back to face us girl even if it hurts us because have to be hot about everything] Janis: [a noise we're 🤞 just sounds like a sleepy sound 'cos there was no helping it] Jimmy: [kiss her so you don't make any of your own thank you sir, don't need to tempt fate and risk waking these kids up that soon] Janis: [can't even go to another room really 'cos doubt Cass is asleep] Jimmy: [she definitely isn't, soz lads for this struggle] Janis: 😣 😖 😫 😩 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 😳 🥵 Janis: just so you know Jimmy: I did but now it's in writing I've gotta do something about it Janis: 👻 rules or? Jimmy: the only 👻 rule is no touching, don't reckon that'll sort it Janis: remind me why we invited them Jimmy: Ian's a twat, that were mostly it Janis: right Janis: that sounds about right Jimmy: least the 🐕's not here an' all Janis: 🌦 Jimmy: give us a bit more ☀ Janis: that's me and you though Jimmy: what kind of dickhead am I pushing in front of you like that? SO rude Janis: I'm so shy Janis: understated, honestly Jimmy: [when you're trying to stop yourself from loling] Janis: [fake punch him like oi] Janis: about to call you chivalrous but you can forget it now Jimmy: soz you can't have the 🙊 it's a bit too risky for me to use Janis: such an idiot Janis: why'd I invite you again Jimmy: Dunno Jimmy: @ me when you've worked it out Janis: you're too busy to show me? Jimmy: ❌ Jimmy: too something though Jimmy: 😣 😖 😫 😩 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 😳 🥵 Janis: you needed an ice bath anyway Janis: see how far we get without freezing? Janis: [getting up carefully to find 🚬s or a lighter like ?] Jimmy: [doing a help me up style gesture] Janis: [do, do not drop him now and do a throwback by kissing him against the door as you go out] Jimmy: [we love a throwback in this house honey] Janis: [thank god for cigarette breaks even though it will be very cold, we're extra] Jimmy: [your extraness will help keep you warm] Jimmy: [literally reminds me of when Baze had just got together and went on a caravan hol with the fam] Janis: [yes, very that energy, the sneaking is less high stakes but still] Jimmy: [you can go in harder than they could out there because less likely to be caught and less of a problem if you are so you're welcome for that] Janis: [literally we just don't want to wake the kids and make them cranky or cringe Cass out so you're fine lads, go nuts, who is at this caravan park in December, barely anyone] Jimmy: [fill your boots, you're very in love rn] Janis: [lowkey something is gonna get said during we're gonna have to pretend we do not hear lmao] Jimmy: [walking such a tightrope at all times, god bless] Janis: [go pretend to sleep lol] Jimmy: [the amount of things he would have to stop himself from saying when they are, you hush your mouth I swear down] Janis: [hence you ain't allowed, commit to this act please and ty, no more chit chatting] Jimmy: [he's not even allowed to say her name at this point so literally shhhhhh] Janis: [made that rod for your back boo lmao] Jimmy: [no regrets, it will HIT when he does] Jimmy: [you know he's not asleep though cos you know he can't get comfortable thanks for that Ian you dick] Janis: you should go get in a bed to yourself Janis: if he wakes up, I can tell him where you are Jimmy: I'm alright Janis: alright Jimmy: [just being fussy though so clearly isn't] Janis: you're never going to be able to sleep though Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: you're keeping me awake Jimmy: it's you 🗨 Janis: you're 😫😤 Jimmy: but not 😭😭 Janis: I can still hear you Janis: and you keep moving about because you can't get comfortable Jimmy: stop being a dickhead Janis: I'm not Janis: go get comfortable and I'll keep an eye on them both, that's nice Jimmy: how's chucking me out nice? Janis: for the aforementioned reasons Jimmy: for you that I won't be doing your head in Janis: no, so you aren't in as much fucking pain, idiot Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [angrily stomp off for a wee hen] Jimmy: [do your own to that 🛏 when she gets back] Janis: [oh the drama] Janis: thanks Jimmy: there's nowt to stop you 😴 Jimmy: crack on Janis: hardly Janis: there's two small, wriggly children Janis: don't need to be moody about it Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: don't need to go on at me now you've got what you want Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: or 🙄 at me either Janis: alright, shut up then Jimmy: you Janis: it's not my fault Jimmy: never said it were Janis: then stop taking it out on me Janis: do something about it that's actually gonna help you feel better Jimmy: I've not, I've said nowt about it Jimmy: you're the one who can't leave it out Janis: you're in a mood Jimmy: not with you, dickhead Janis: I know that Jimmy: 💭 what it were like when you fucked your ankle up Jimmy: this actually were my own fault Janis: no it ain't Janis: and I'm meant to just ignore it then, alright Janis: won't be doing that, sorry Jimmy: Bollocks, you can't go about being a massive dickhead and expect no pushback Jimmy: but it weren't this bad before Janis: it's too far Janis: you could literally be in hospital and it wouldn't be an overreaction Janis: there's no call for that Jimmy: it ain't you who decides where the line is Jimmy: or where I'll end up Janis: it's a pretty widely agreed upon line Janis: he could ask garda if he wanted to do something about you taking the car Jimmy: we've been mates for a minute, what do you know? Janis: that doesn't have nothing to do with being able to tell he took it too far this time Jimmy: you don't know fuck all about me or what he has or hasn't done Janis: I've seen the state of you, for fuck's sake Janis: I'm not saying shit about previous or implying that it means anything but you can barely breathe right now Jimmy: the state of me is right, what bit of this has owt to do with you? Janis: I'm not going to piss about with you doing stupid shit if you aren't handling your actual Janis: that's what Jimmy: piss off Janis: you Jimmy: who the fuck are you giving me ifs and buts Jimmy: you piss about with me whenever it suits you Janis: fuck this Jimmy: yeah Janis: [hear that door go] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I'll be back when I need to be Jimmy: for all you know you've woke every dickhead up and that's now Jimmy: but alright, keep giving it out like you're so bothered about the state of me and the bollocks I can't do while you leave me here on my own Jimmy: not fake at all Janis: I know it ain't Janis: and if you're gonna leave a 4 year old kid to freak out that'd be on you Janis: I don't have to stay and listen to you, who the fuck are you Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: I didn't slam the door, they're asleep Jimmy: that's alright then Jimmy: forget I said owt Jimmy: top reaction Janis: yeah 'cos you've got fuck all room to talk Janis: be better for you if I did Jimmy: I don't wanna do this Jimmy: talk about it Jimmy: have to fucking handle it or whatever it were that you said Janis: then don't talk about it Janis: it's the bare fucking minimum to not expect me to ignore that you're in pain Jimmy: and what, you think I don't know that? Jimmy: that I wouldn't do a better job of this if I could Janis: apparently, I've got no right so Jimmy: you shouldn't have to hack this an' all Janis: I don't Janis: all I was doing was saying go sleep on a proper bed Jimmy: it's just Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: weird Janis: how is it Jimmy: I said I dunno Jimmy: it's been ages since anyone bothered to say owt worth listening to like that Janis: well Janis: why fuck yourself up more Janis: that's it, it's no deeper than that Jimmy: Why not? Jimmy: that's been the question up to now Janis: if you're gonna self-harm Janis: don't do it in front of me Jimmy: you get to hold the 🔪 my dear, and when you do it'll be a pisstake if you don't go harder than that Janis: I'm not playing right now Jimmy: nor me Jimmy: what I meant were, it don't matter to me what happens to me if it only happens to me Jimmy: very catholic of me, I know Janis: i'm not interested in having no more blood on my hands Jimmy: not bleeding out as of now Jimmy: you're welcome to piss off again if I ever am Janis: 👍 Jimmy: is it? Janis: yep Jimmy: what kind of answer is that? Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: and what kind of question is that an' all? Janis: I'm not in the mood Janis: to talk to you or do this Janis: I'll be back to do my share and then we'll go back as soon as we can Jimmy: just come back now Jimmy: it's freezing Janis: I'm fine Jimmy: I won't be if I have to piss about looking for you Janis: don't Janis: I know where I am, it's not your concern Jimmy: don't make me Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: is right Jimmy: come back and ignore me from here Janis: don't tell me what to do Janis: I'll come back when I'm ready Jimmy: don't be a twat Jimmy: then I won't have to Janis: how far do you reckon I've got in this time Janis: I'm basically outside Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 you Jimmy: might've 🏃 anywhere Janis: it's snowing Janis: in case you'd forgotten Jimmy: that'll be why I want you to come inside Jimmy: tah for recognising it Janis: don't come near me then Jimmy: alright Janis: [show up a few minutes later] Jimmy: [we do be giving her space like she requested thankfully but we have made her a tea because it's our love language and it is cold af out there no lie] Janis: [act like you're not gonna take it for as long as you can but clearly do] Jimmy: [go to your bed sir and give it a while before you come at her again] Jimmy: What did you mean? Janis: about what? Jimmy: you said you don't wanna do this, which bit? Janis: I was talking about tonight Janis: not permanent plans Jimmy: weren't how it sounded Jimmy: you had a plan and it were to piss off back there as soon as Janis: both gotta work Janis: both got kids that don't belong to us Janis: just the obvious next step, really Jimmy: if you wanna pretend that's why, go on, obviously Janis: I'm not pretending shit Jimmy: you don't have to be a massive dickhead to keep it going just 'cause I already were Janis: obviously I don't want to spend no more time with you too Janis: why would I Jimmy: no idea Janis: there you go then Jimmy: alright then Janis: she'll be gutted Jimmy: ? Janis: Libi Jimmy: already spent ages longer here than we were going to Janis: true Jimmy: and she don't need to know that you're #overit and me Janis: makes playdates a bit awkward Jimmy: what's a bit more faking? nowt we haven't done before Janis: right Jimmy: she's less thick than most of our audience but still only a kid Janis: no need to break them up Jimmy: agreed Janis: sorted Jimmy: ✔ Janis: anything else we need to? Jimmy: like what? Janis: dunno Janis: why I asked Jimmy: it's your question, weren't me who asked it Janis: I don't ask questions I know the answer to Janis: as a rule Jimmy: if you had something in mind, say it Janis: there's loads of shit Janis: potentially Janis: mainly how we're finishing this if we are Jimmy: up to you that Jimmy: it's you who wants to Janis: no it isn't Jimmy: weren't me who said I wanna go back or that I dunno why you're worth spending time with Janis: like you've not said shit tonight Janis: and neither of those is saying I want to finish it, anyway Jimmy: what else does not wanting to spend any more time with someone mean? Janis: we've been mates for what, a minute? Janis: we were doing it before then Jimmy: so you just don't wanna be mates? Janis: not worked out so great thus far Jimmy: bit rude Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: it were going alright Jimmy: you don't need to chuck it all Jimmy: not for something that weren't about you Janis: you bighead is really showing Jimmy: how is it? Janis: 'chuck it all' Janis: I was fine before you came about, tah Jimmy: you know what I mean Janis: how you say shit matters Jimmy: how I say loads of bollocks Jimmy: you get most of it Janis: I'm dickhead lingual, I guess Jimmy: I'm sorry, alright Jimmy: for what I said when I was in pain, that load of bollocks Janis: if you never phrase it like that again Janis: alright Janis: forget about it Jimmy: deliberately will ALWAYS phrase it like that now, each time Janis: if you could not make a habit of it, be appreciated Jimmy: being a MASSIVE dickhead? bit late for that Janis: I can handle that Janis: taking shit back that you've said Janis: leave off that Jimmy: not a habit I want Jimmy: only fancy the ones that'll 💀💀💀 me which that ain't gonna if it makes you piss off out of it Janis: a deal then? Janis: deal back on, actually Jimmy: if we shake on it Janis: okay Janis: come out then Jimmy: come here then Jimmy: meant to take your advice and stay put like a good lad here 🛏 me Janis: you're awkward how and when it suits you Janis: [but does, obviously] Jimmy: [will shake your hand and pull you into a hug gal] Janis: [the most dramatic hug, definitely forgetting to be careful here soz] Jimmy: [not caring that much because we care more about the bae knowing how soz we are and how many feels we have] Janis: [likewise, the tension got too much and went wrong, as it does, and we're #shooketh] Jimmy: [straight up asking her to stay for a bit because we're in our emotions so we're just saying what we wanna say without thinking about it] Janis: [just nodding 'cos that's all we can do] Jimmy: [making room for her as if this isn't a single bed lol] Janis: [at least you'll remember to be careful again and not hug him so hard, but then you're like oh, 'cos don't want to make it a Thing™ again so 'sorry, if you think I was making it all about me'] Jimmy: [a noise like no that is not what we think because 1. the strength of how much we don't think that 2. what are words and just hugging her for the emphasis] Janis: [shrugs like it's okay but we're not gonna keep going like we don't believe him even if we lowkey don't] Jimmy: [just looking at her like ! 'I think it's more of a headfuck than you signed up for, nowt else'] Janis: [just looking like how do I even explain that that's not your fault and literally the last thing either of us should be concerned about because it does not matter, just shaking our head like nah] Jimmy: [playing with her hair cos it would've had snow on it recently because there is too much we wanna say about our feels and so much we feel like we can't say about our family situation] Janis: ['I CAN handle it' like trust me] Jimmy: ['me an' all' like same even though you lowkey can't] Janis: [soft kiss] Jimmy: [you can have some little kisses too gal like my boo loves] Janis: [just being the most soft] Jimmy: [you gotta] Janis: ['we're alright, yeah?'] Jimmy: [a nod because the emotions are still too high rn and I'm not letting you say shit thank you] Janis: [sigh of relief] Jimmy: [hugging you again cos we don't want you to leave] Janis: [you can stay here lads, the bubs will be alright and you'll hear if they ain't] Jimmy: [snuggle it's what you both need] Janis: [let 'em be for a hot sec] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [what shall we do in the AM?] Jimmy: [make breakfast together for these bubs obvs because all the domestic bliss needed] Janis: [might have to trek to the shop to get supplies, that'll be an adventure] Jimmy: [maybe you can make them some kind of sledge because you're both crafty art hoes] Janis: [I bet there's some kind of tings in a caravan that would work, cannot think what exactly but we know the vibes, get creative] Jimmy: [I wouldn't have the first clue but you two would figure it out and you can get Cass to help she'd be into that] Janis: [as well as snowball fight and snowman making competition, which are 2 points we wanted to hit too] Jimmy: [love that and you can also make snow dogs for these bubs] Jimmy: [the question is should we let them have another night here before we send them back or is that too dangerous] Janis: [I think we should for the danger of it/to prove we can lol] Jimmy: [I'm down, just don't have another argument please] Janis: [hohaha, be good] Jimmy: [I have faith in you] Janis: [the only thing I've said you've done is baking/crafts so apart from that enjoy your snow/beach funtimes, you should also get chips for dinner, obvs] Jimmy: [yeah I'm trying to think if there's anything else they should do] Janis: [there's potential the kids have said more? because this is a whole long weekend and they don't know/care not to so, that's potentially something we need to know] Jimmy: [oh that's a good idea, is there any tea you want spilled] Janis: [hmm, she'd probably just KEEP talking about her parents like all the things she's been told about Edie specifically, so all that tea, just more than we've got out so far] Jimmy: [likewise can picture Bobby really driving home the point that he doesn't have a mum and like what he remembers about her being basically nothing so it'd be obvious they haven't seen her for ages not just since they moved] Janis: [poor babs, just bonding and JJ are here like and I OOP] Jimmy: [I hope Cass isn't around when you're spilling that tea bub cos she will be fuming] Janis: [that is potentially a thing unless he knows better by now lol] Jimmy: [this boy living his best life with his new bff deal with it Cass] Janis: [soz hen, you'll be hanging with your new mates as much as you can so we're probably fine] Jimmy: [getting all that arcade swag] Janis: [love that we're pretending we don't hear any of this clear drama lmao ly babes] Jimmy: [poor Jimothy having to just sign all this back and forth like] Janis: [I do think for a bit Libi would keep shouting like he'll hear her eventually 'cos she's only little so that'll be amusing/a time just screeching everything lowkey] Jimmy: [that's really pure babe I do stan you] Janis: [people like that's a loud child lollollol] Jimmy: [I hope you're not still shouting when you go home hun, hilarious as that would be] Janis: [mcvickers like lawd, she'll be showing them how to sign what she's learnt like just in case bobby comes round] Jimmy: [which he definitely will at some point, all the playdates forever] Janis: [fully gonna just try and take herself to Jimmy's all the time like no gal] Jimmy: [shows up at his door because they literally live that close to each other everyone like !!!???] Janis: [troublemaker baby] Jimmy: [do so love the edition of her to this lil family unit JJ are making here though, she really does add to it] Janis: [agreed, it's very cute, she'd probably have told him about how Astrid is technically her auntie but like a year younger 'cos that's wild to kids, so gonna get a sense of how messy this fam is lol] Jimmy: [and she doesn't talk either so Libi would be used to having to find ways to communicate with her too even though we know Ro be pretending there's no issue rn] Janis: [exactly dr phil, we all been knew and trying to work around it apart from ro lmao, just giving a lowdown on every auntie she has which would be amusing and probably a lowkey drag for some of y'all ladies, we know Janis and Billie are her faves] Jimmy: [I can wholeheartedly support those faves gal, Billie would always be doing the most for her and Astrid, fuck you Ro you dusty bitch, Bobby would love all this cos they lowkey have no fam] Janis: [take 'em for rides on your fancy wheelz, they'd love that, just like you can come meet them when we get back like okay JJ, all this is happening regardless, soz] Jimmy: [if she was here you'd have a bomb sledge hens she's probably built Libi and Astrid all kinds of things, Bobby will love all of Ali's animals and shit she has too, casual farm moment] Janis: [probably telling you every cats name too, poor Jimothy is gonna need a break lol] Jimmy: [unrelated but related do you think Ali would have space for any horses because I have all that Cass horse content] Janis: [I think it makes sense, I too have some gay horse content, like it wouldn't be a working farm but I think she'd have various farmyard animals just for the household] Jimmy: [yeah it made sense to me too, like your auntie vibes] Janis: [mhmm, and it could've been just land when we inherited it but she's swagged it up now she has more time/the kids aren't bubs etc] Jimmy: [Bobby just asking if they can have a kitten, Jimothy like NO] Janis: [I'm cackling, 'cos Libi like YEAH] Jimmy: [just like okay can we have a chicken/pony/donkey whatever else creatures there are, Jimothy like lawd] Janis: [just shoving the whole barn into your rental home, god bless you tiny fools] Jimmy: [and then Bobby obvs wants to phone Twix and Jimothy is just trying to distract him because we don't wanna phone Ian and he won't play along with this thank you] Janis: [distract y'all with an activity fast] Jimmy: [they could make dog treats, it's not very difficult] Janis: ]that's a good idea boo] Jimmy: [casual gift to these pups] Janis: [they'll enjoy that, kids and dogs, also can have a tea party for the toy pups lol] Jimmy: [so CUTE gonna say that Jimothy draws you a little comic strip or something about these pups kids] Jimmy: [I don't know what daily doodle you're getting today Janis, but something loved up for sure] Janis: [frankly, we're all living today hun] Jimmy: [do you wanna do this night like we did the one before with them chatting again or are we just saying it's a chill loved up vibe?] Janis: [hmm hmm hmm, let's do it, maybe we can be cute] Jimmy: [you start it then gal cos I did before] Janis: [on it sonic] Janis: 🥇🏆💪 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: come on, we bossed it Jimmy: no need to sound surprised Jimmy: just that kind of team Janis: not going to disagree Janis: 🤐 'til they 😴 aside Jimmy: don't wanna fight with you either, you're alright Janis: really? Janis: 🍀 night Jimmy: unless you desperately wanna 🥊 with me, obvs Jimmy: can't turn you down then Janis: I'm gutted, obviously Janis: but I think I'll survive Jimmy: good Jimmy: 💀💀💀 ain't happening til they're 😴 either Janis: that's a promise? Jimmy: depends Janis: ? Jimmy: do you want me to break it or keep it? Jimmy: 'cause they might not be asleep for ages Janis: 😒 Janis: should've laced the hot chocolates, you're right Jimmy: we'll have to go properly on the run if either of them 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I'm in Janis: knew you would be Janis: you can break your promise then Jimmy: round 2 ☕ coming up Janis: 😏 Janis: warn me next time you plan on being so 😍 yeah Jimmy: be loads of warnings Jimmy: never shut me up Janis: just say you aren't up to it, babe Janis: 😶 Jimmy: Why would I lie to you, girl? Janis: well you don't need to shut up on my account Jimmy: I get it, you need 🔊 Janis: needs a big word Jimmy: is it? Janis: don't you think? Jimmy: that's not an answer Janis: I know what I want Janis: you'll have to convince me on need Jimmy: alright Janis: not mad about it if you aren't Jimmy: Why wouldn't I be? Janis: it's been a pretty knackering day being the 😎 brother and translator Jimmy: *standard Jimmy: nowt if not used to all that Janis: alright, show-off Janis: you're 🥇 we get it Jimmy: you've done alright an' all, don't be 💔 Janis: don't worry Janis: not a title I'm after, I know I'm not that good Jimmy: how do you? Janis: I don't do half as much with Libi Janis: or for her Jimmy: she still reckons you're 🥇 I had to translate her going on and on about it Janis: don't act like it was a chore 😘 Jimmy: you just said it were Jimmy: make up your mind, Jules Janis: no I never Jimmy: knackering, I think it were Janis: that's looking after this lot Janis: not hyping me up Janis: that's a privilege, DUH Jimmy: so funny, you Janis: oi Jimmy: what? Jimmy: you wanted a compliment Janis: say it like you mean it, boy Jimmy: [writes it on her how he did the other day] Janis: [try not to lol 'cos we know you ticklish and 😳] Jimmy: [go over it again like look how much I mean this, soz gal] Janis: [just wriggling away like staph] Janis: you're such a pisstake Jimmy: what, you still don't believe me? Janis: I believe you Janis: don't tickle me again or I will have to get you back Janis: been warned Jimmy: [obviously does by writing how? as in how will you get me back?] Janis: ['scuse us for our lols children, I hope you're sleepy enough that this doesn't devolve into an entire group tickle fight lmao] Janis: [but the LOOK will speak for us regardless] Jimmy: [always gonna give you a LOOK back] Janis: [smile at him too, like we can't even help it] Jimmy: [of course you're getting one back too because that kind of thing is infectious but also 😍 because her smile is always cute] Janis: you're fit Jimmy: you Janis: you x2 Jimmy: you 🏆🏆🏆 Janis: you're being very giving with the 🏆s lately Jimmy: and what? Janis: maybe I think I should do more to earn 'em Jimmy: I might reckon you have Janis: I can do better Jimmy: go on then Janis: wait Jimmy: but Janis: blame them Janis: [pisstakey evils at the children] Jimmy: [just mime killing them in all the ways boy] Janis: when we get back Janis: you'll give me some alone time before you go Jimmy: that a question or an order? Janis: a ? would be polite, I guess Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Janis: cheek Jimmy: I'll give you owt you want, since you asked Janis: *nicely Jimmy: you could do better Janis: ['please' in his ear 'cos deserved after the tickling] Jimmy: [bite your lip please sir because we all know that affected you very much but the children don't need to] Janis: [pleased with ourselves dot com] Janis: better? Jimmy: it'll do for now Janis: gutted they're too young to leave in the arcade as well Jimmy: or chuck out in the snow Janis: it is melting a bit Janis: can go back tomorrow Jimmy: 💔 Janis: not saying it to 💔 now Jimmy: 🤞 I ain't gonna start 😭😭 now Janis: you'd never Janis: too 😎 Jimmy: too northern Janis: same Jimmy: SO much in common, us Janis: Does that mean we ain't star-crossed enough? 😱 Jimmy: it'll mean the #haters have to work harder at it Jimmy: Bill's gonna be chuffed to bits with that Janis: true enough Janis: if you're still here when school starts, Lucas is ready and waiting Jimmy: do you reckon he got any new ties for christmas? Janis: from who? the ex Janis: unlikely, that bitch Jimmy: 🎅 DUH Jimmy: bound to be best mates Jimmy: both into having kids on their laps Janis: ugh Janis: 🎅 gonna have snitched about us Jimmy: be about right Jimmy: fucking dickhead Janis: 💔 Janis: no presents no more lift offers Jimmy: only the full orchestra following you round Jimmy: poor baby Janis: tell me about it Janis: gonna be depressing as fuck Jimmy: can't have that Jimmy: you're my ☀ Janis: 🔫 the 🥁 for me Jimmy: what? Janis: don't orchestras have drummers? Janis: 🎹🎻 then Jimmy: bit weird that you went right for him 🎯 Janis: so #notlikeothergirls of me Jimmy: not knowing if he exists Jimmy: might be a copout of you Janis: just meant he ain't the lead singer but yeah Janis: ask Pete Jimmy: can't be, that's you Janis: well I am my own favourite person but no need to spread that about Jimmy: can't do that either, your fav's meant to be me Janis: hang on Janis: I'll post something to that effect Janis: [do] Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [have a little socials flirting sesh to further ramp up the tension that's always there] Janis: [you're always about that kids] Jimmy: ☕? Janis: if you mean tea Janis: I'll 🤮 if I have another hot chocolate Janis: and the gals aren't here to impress Jimmy: 🐕🍪? Janis: fuck off 😏 Jimmy: [IRL 😏] Janis: [just checking him out whilst he makes tea so casually] Jimmy: [will do the lingering touch when he gives it to her cos we're in a rom com] Janis: I get it, you miss work SO much Jimmy: nowt to do with missing you Janis: don't be silly Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: insensitive to suggest we deafen her too? 🤷 Jimmy: she has done every other dickhead Janis: 😂 Janis: only fair Jimmy: [mime some ways you can deafen this poor bub] Janis: [trying not to IRL 😂] Jimmy: [trying not to be 😍 af because she's the cutest] Janis: face'll get stuck like that Jimmy: already stuck as 😒 Janis: exactly Janis: don't ruin it Jimmy: know how much you're into 🥺 though Jimmy: [does it] Janis: [pinching his bottom lip between her finger and thumb like she's so 😒🙄 but there's no hiding the truth hen] Jimmy: [once again running his thumb across her bottom lip because we don't need a reason] Janis: [holding his hand but squeezing it first 'cos must] Jimmy: [drawing a ! on her hand because we get it] Janis: you're Jimmy: [drawing a really slow ? as we give her a LOOK] Janis: [shaking our head, like I can't] Jimmy: [draw a 🗨 like tell me] Janis: all things considered Janis: this has been alright Jimmy: yeah Janis: I mean it Jimmy: me an' all Janis: [looking away 'cos we're so overwhelmed and 🥰] Jimmy: [kiss her because likewise] Janis: [don't hate children] Jimmy: [we know you ship it] Janis: [reminds me, Libi probably saying something so embarrassing about 'when they get married' like gal shut up but never do] Jimmy: [about to sob because they will and you can be a bridesmaid gal even though you'll be a teen by then] Janis: [so nice, 'cos Edie wouldn't have been old enough for a proper one which is sad, at least she'd start going on about hers and Bobby's so y'all don't need to feel too awks lol] Jimmy: [break my heart boo cos yeah they would've been engaged but she was but a child still so no actual wedding for y'all] Janis: [she was only 16 for like 2 months so even if Ali had agreed] Janis: [omg hang on] Janis: [what if she did 'cos like, end of the day, make your own mistakes etc and who is she to say no 'cos Cali lmao but technically Drew could be considered to have 'parental responsibility' if he's been paying which let's say he has, it seems wishy-washy but if he was like NO, 'cos just show up to do the least last minute is such a vibe for him, I think it'd count 'cos you need both parents if you have 2] Jimmy: [I love that and we must because it was like OG Cali vibes to have an underage teen wedding moment] Janis: [like so sorry do not need to be creating drama last minute in your life but also it makes sense, because as much as it's like who tf are you, it'd be conflicting because she's only wanted a dad and for him to care this whole time so] Jimmy: [soz not soz about how happy this makes me and Libi will have that wedding video to go with all the others she has] Janis: [it just makes sense that they'd try, obviously, that Ali would say yes even if she's got the reservations she has, so yeah, anyway, that's not to do with y'all lmao I just had a thought] Jimmy: [gutted this isn't Ali's caravan cos there would've been a whole dressing up box for you bubs if it were] Janis: [you can have a fake wedding when you are home lol] Jimmy: [for now make some paper doll bride and grooms that'll keep you busy] Janis: [burn that evidence, Tess is gonna be horrified, like what's this about ANOTHER teen wedding] Jimmy: [honestly this fam do make me cackle] Janis: [not enough time has passed since ruster getting married at 18 we're all triggered lmao] Jimmy: [would Edie's be before theirs or after? I get so confused] Janis: [hmm, let me think, theirs would be about 34...which is when Libi is born, so yeah, Edie is about 15 so it's the year before, 'cos obviously they get married like RIGHT before they die in 35] Janis: [talk about a YEAR for the fam, hi I'm having a baby @ 14 and hi I'm getting married to my cousin @ 18 oh and I'm also going to get pregnant] Jimmy: [we are so wild I love us] Janis: [if anyone's kids would, it is Alison's but omg, we're shooketh, not to mention we cripple Billie, then the Junior baby drama...no one getting out unscathed] Jimmy: [and now we've got jj triggering everyone and Grace out here about to also think she's a teen mum for a hot sec] Janis: [this is why everyone chats shit about y'all, but imagine the lowkey weird guilt 'cos nothing does happen to the twins really, aside from the obvious, but it's bad enough this all happens in your fam and then everyone won't shut up about it like] Janis: [also Nancy and Ava by that extension 'cos Buster embroils himself in it all and the Chloe and James of it] Jimmy: [that's why Grace is how she is guys, this fam and shit nan ruining her life lowkey] Janis: [when you can't complain 'cos it's like um well Edie's dead and Billie is crippled for life so bye, hence Janis just does as she pleases and is a bitch to everyone 'cos call her a troublemaker and whatever then, like fine, it's better than trying to deal and act like you're #grateful and #blessed] Janis: [and that's all the drama that's yet to come out, oh guys] Jimmy: [I'm gonna go re-read what I said about Jimothy's ex on the school trip because only time she's been mentioned and maybe tone that situation down depending what I've committed to because the cali fam is a LOT] Janis: [I remember the basic vibe was pregnant and with her dad's friend but yeah, go look] Jimmy: [yeah but hopefully I haven't gone in mentioning that so far and we can be like ❌] Janis: [yeah, even if it was just a lad her own age-ish and preggo now, 'cos it may have even been 2 kids and they're only 15 now so] Jimmy: [I think we've got away with implying she's a very messy bitch who has now changed her ways at least somewhat so that's fine because I don't think I've mentioned her in any of the festive convos] Janis: [we'll let you live gal] Jimmy: [anyway we've been derailed] Janis: [truly, y'all want to settle these children down again tah] Janis: 🙄🙄 Jimmy: [get in your little den bubs] Jimmy: *🥱🥱 Jimmy: 🤞🤞 Janis: Ideal Janis: just saying, not going to their wedding Jimmy: we'll be long 💀💀💀 mate, don't worry Janis: not if she makes herself a loo roll veil and has done with it Janis: poor Bobby has had no say in the matter Jimmy: ain't seen him shake his head Janis: such a romantic Jimmy: Dunno where either of 'em get that from Janis: dread to think Jimmy: no need to 💭 about owt that isn't #goals, you're alright Janis: 🤵👰💀🤢 Jimmy: don't fancy the look of your new scale much Janis: 😏 Janis: not a question I'd even fake pop, don't be 😱 Jimmy: not even if every dickhead but me 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺?! Jimmy: so 💪🏆🥇 you Janis: even if I had fuck all, you wouldn't be getting half of it Jimmy: keep your 🐕🏃💰🔐 I get it Janis: you don't whore for those tips for nothing, yeah Jimmy: in the job description, that Janis: why else would you apply Jimmy: my ☕🎨 going unappreciated in this lifetime is an #ultimatekink Janis: of course Janis: 💔 fuels your craft Jimmy: 🖋✎🖌🔪🔧🔨🪓 Janis: 🥱 to 🤤 Jimmy: massive scale that one Janis: one time speed is impressive Janis: have it Jimmy: if you ain't bringing up either of us being 🥇 at driving Janis: that aside Janis: 🏃 too Janis: not where my 🧠 was obvs Jimmy: tah for not wanting to piss off Jimmy: mine's not on 🎨 at this very minute so I ain't after the 💔 Janis: 💀💀 Jimmy: ? or ! Janis: bit of both Janis: request and an order Jimmy: come here then Janis: [a look like dare I/do I but also a LOOK obvs] Jimmy: [giving a LOOK back always] Janis: [get snuggled in this den moment best you can without disturbing the kiddos] Jimmy: [being as sneaky as we can cos don't need these kids getting extra about your rom com life again but pulling her into his lap, injury be damned because we miss it] Janis: [missed it too and our expression would say as much] Jimmy: [it's been forever like literally pub crawl was the last time] Janis: [upsetting and rude, frankly] Jimmy: [it really is, excuse you Ian] Janis: [thank god she's skinny if tall, not gonna kill you] Jimmy: [gotta do what we gotta do cos shameless fave thing ever] Janis: [just drawing doodles all over his arm with her finger] Jimmy: [playing with her hair while she does] Janis: [we're happy and that always scares us ah] Jimmy: [likewise, oh lads] Janis: [go on your phone and see about the NYE party you aren't gonna get to go to and show him like] Jimmy: [ooh good idea boo] Janis: [are we saying it's at Mia's or did I imagine that] Jimmy: [I think we did to make it more of a thing that they don't go, because we all know Mia literally never hosts a function like it's only this all year] Janis: [so it would be such a to-do for the flat whites 'cos lord knows you've not got the reps you think you have ladies] Jimmy: [yeah exactly and we know her and Pablo are over/on the rocks so she'd be even more extra about it] Janis: [thankful we miss it tbh] Jimmy: [hard same and not just cos I love the drama] Janis: [its all the drama mick, we know it'll be a terrible party but yes, rn you can plan how you're gonna slay it if you wanna] Jimmy: Go on, how are we topping 🎄 with them? Janis: already done 😇 Janis: so it'll have to be 🌟 Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say 😈 Janis: also a possibility Janis: this party is one of the only way she has of winning + at this point Janis: how do we really ruin it for - Jimmy: where's her dad? be real hell for him, this Janis: some beach in the Caribbean Janis: he couldn't miss that to continue her punishment Janis: 💔 he don't care as much as you thought, babe Jimmy: still probably won't take much to get him back Jimmy: that lass ain't had another go at a party since we fucked up hers Janis: he is with her mother so fuck knows how he manages to have a good time Janis: assumedly it's one giant swingers convention or whatever Janis: true, I wanna do it worse though Janis: more personal, just need to 💭 how Jimmy: what I'm hearing is you want me to 💀💀💀 them for you Janis: like the sound of that Jimmy: so say it and I'll do it Janis: that's how it works, yeah Jimmy: you can have owt you're after from me, you know it works like that Janis: only if we post it Jimmy: you've got my permission to hold my 📷 while I've got the 🔪 Janis: 😍 Janis: can't promise quality Jimmy: what are you promising? Janis: you know what Jimmy: don't get more top quality than 🥇 Janis: whatever you want Janis: that's what I'll give you Jimmy: I just want Janis: go on Jimmy: [kiss her please because I'm not going to let you say something extra right now] Janis: [intense silent kisses ftw rn] Jimmy: [I do hope these children are asleep because silent is not his forte for very long] Janis: [we'll give you that, as Libi has already rinsed you lol] Jimmy: [and keeps spilling all the fam tea] Janis: [gotta let you have something lads or you'll go cray] Jimmy: [and we're ruining it all for you soon] Janis: [ugh shit nan, soz not soz you're getting floored hen] Jimmy: [honestly wish it was worse cos so deserved] Janis: [as if this is the time for you to drag up Caleb's drama, like didn't even mention he had to go and get killed, like ffs] Jimmy: [hopefully Ali will ban you from the gaff because we're all sick of your shit my love] Janis: [we were humouring you to be nice but like, no] Jimmy: [the amount of chances she's already given you through the years, dread to think tbh] Janis: [we all know she gives too many, like she never banned either Caleb or Drew from seeing their kids or being involved, she's not that bitch if she doesn't have to be] Jimmy: [likewise with Joe and Ronnie, nothing if not consistent and I love you gal] Janis: [and ro lbr] Jimmy: [the tea] Janis: [oh rosaline, this do not be about you though, again, off topic] Jimmy: [I wanna say he's thought of something to ruin this party we don't get to go to because we just wanna give the bae everything she wants but I don't know what] Janis: [we can because as it won't get to come to fruition, we can be vague lol, just kissing him even harder] Jimmy: [how intensely we're doing literally everything rn because the feels are so high] Janis: ['we need to go' when you mean to the bedroom but that just comes out that dramatically lol, obviously we're whispering 'cos if you wake up now lmao] Jimmy: [try not to fall over the obstacle course of all the stuff these children have left everywhere because we all know you're gonna kiss the whole way there because forever a cliche] Janis: [as funny as that would be, one of you is injured and the other has only just recovered so be careful tah] Jimmy: [and you'd be fuming if you got cockblocked rn, we don't need another argument happening between anyone] Janis: [Cass I hope you're out or otherwise entertained 'cos yeah] Jimmy: [maybe you're asleep too tbf because we never get any at home and you've been busy having friends and living your best life] Janis: [let's go with it, we're all content] Jimmy: [hook up to your heart's content lads we'll be sending you back in the morning] Janis: [so you'll be going back 28th, just so we know where we are] Jimmy: [thank god you can work things out properly my boo] Janis: [gives us a few days to do with what we want so that's nice] Jimmy: [is there anything else on the list or have we done it all?] Janis: [the only things we have is Twix being ill and one of Asia's sisters having a bday party, we could do Twix in this period, can't really do a party between xmas and ny even they're not that dumb] Jimmy: [we should do that bday party when she gets back and things are really awkward between them because Bobby can be like I want Libi to come with me because they thing they are in love rn] Janis: [yeah, and they could fuck with Asia and when have they needed much more than a flimsy excuse so] Jimmy: [that was my thought, an excuse to get them back together that isn't just school] Janis: [think that was the plan, we can skip to when they're back if you'd like, don't think this has been that long] Jimmy: [I know we always say that but it shouldn't have actually been that long this time lol] Janis: [we alright, also back home and separated] Janis: everyone's sufficiently sure we haven't permanently damaged the kid here so 🏆 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: Ian ain't gonna give me no 🏆 Jimmy: no longer the season Janis: and his nice act was SO convincing Jimmy: IKR Janis: 🙄 if I needed acting lessons Janis: which I don't Jimmy: you're in luck there 'cause my mum'd be the one for it putting up with his bollocks for as long as she bothered Jimmy: but about as likely as him chucking out the welcome wagon for us Janis: Shame Janis: better not tell him about the wedding Janis: 😡 🤬 all 'round Jimmy: the 💰 saver of making it a double might do something about that but with how you feel about sharing Jimmy: it'd be you fuming Janis: look like we'd hired mini-mes Jimmy: bit of a mix up with yours Janis: it happens Janis: get what you pay for 🎻 Jimmy: she's spot on with matching your ☀ personality, babe Jimmy: nowt else matters Janis: low Janis: don't compare me to a toddler 😂 Jimmy: work on her volume 🤏 and no dickhead'll know the difference Janis: you're gonna talk big now I can't do nothing about it Janis: twat Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: doing my bit so you ain't 💔 missing us Janis: very thoughtful Janis: I'll be buzzing to sleep in a proper bed on my own Jimmy: just that kind of twat, me Janis: I know Janis: how many treats he given the dog then? Jimmy: come on, none of us can count that high Jimmy: need you for that Janis: I'll have to come see you then Jimmy: won't let you 😴 heard you about wanting your own bed Janis: it's not that good, honestly Janis: but you know Jimmy: sounded alright to me, might just be the no kid 💭💡 though Janis: yeah Janis: unlucky Janis: least you won't have to make a fort every night Jimmy: depends how 💔😭🎻 he gets missing her Jimmy: might have to do all sorts of bollocks Janis: 😏 Janis: tin can phone might actually work from that distance and with her volume Jimmy: dinner and tonight's crafts ✔ Janis: caravan life makes you so resourceful Jimmy: ⛺️ next? Janis: calm down bear grylls Jimmy: only answer to daddy 🐻 or baby when you INSIST on a compromise Janis: well, baby Janis: imagine the previous 2 nights, in a tent, with no room to hide Jimmy: all of it or just the bits I wanna 💭? Janis: the bits you wanna wouldn't have a lot of hope of repeating, is my point Janis: unless yours is making dog treats was your fave Jimmy: OBVS Janis: dickhead Jimmy: time of my life that were, think about it constant, no room for nowt else but 🐕🍪 Janis: yeah, you do LOVE that dog Janis: fair enough Janis: you two go on your camping holibobs Jimmy: bit rude you're not coming, but alright Janis: no room Jimmy: loads under the ⭐s girl Janis: 🤩 Janis: tents are for pussies Jimmy: it's a yeah now then? Janis: just us? Janis: and the 🐕 Janis: bit unfair to call the kids pussies but probably more unfair to make 'em rough it like that Jimmy: reckon I'll just leave the 🐕 with our kid, so he's not as 💔😭🎻 you reckon he's not 💪😎 Jimmy: it's a 👶 an' all Janis: I never slagged him off Janis: he's alright Janis: just Jimmy: just us Janis: yeah Janis: and all the ⭐s Bill knows the names of Jimmy: he'd have me name them after all the ones I've got for you Janis: why the pricks not invited Jimmy: keep it between us that we're even going Janis: 🗢🔒 Jimmy: til we get there Jimmy: 🗨🔊 then if you want Janis: *need Janis: least we get to christen Mia's bed this party Jimmy: 🤞 we find her diary an' all Janis: can put it on the site Janis: the good bits, anyway Jimmy: trash her room since she was so chuffed the last time Janis: wonder if daddy keeps anything incriminating about the house Jimmy: he'll have an office Jimmy: dickheads who spend every minute at work always do Janis: yeah, I know the sort Janis: and keeping it locked'd be too suspicious Jimmy: piss easy Jimmy: where on the scale'll 💀👑 end up if we christen his desk an' all? Janis: I'd guess 😩 🥺 😢 😭 but we'll see 'cos I know where I am Jimmy: go on Janis: guess first Jimmy: or what? Janis: I won't tell ya Janis: play the game Jimmy: you're 😳 Janis: close Janis: 🤯 you keep having such good ideas Janis: 😣 it ain't tonight Jimmy: might have a 🥇💡 for tonight if you play nicely yourself Janis: how do I do that? Jimmy: do you need me to tell you? Jimmy: done a top job of it without that Janis: might be part of the fun Jimmy: I dunno what fun we're having yet, just that Ian'll have had an easy go of it while we were gone Janis: bet it was well hard for him to act like he gave a shit you was gone for longer Janis: plenty of ways to get to the truth of it Jimmy: can't promise you'll 👀⭐'s but there'll be 🎆🎇 Janis: I'm in Jimmy: we should be out first, dunno why I'm pissing about here when he is to chuck the kids at Janis: there is loads for Bobby to tell him Jimmy: and my sister to go on about an' all Jimmy: and there's this Jimmy: [evidence of whatever carnage Twix has caused] Janis: 🙌 Janis: told you she was on side Jimmy: [evidence of how much she's wilding because they are back and she is lowkey scared of Ian] Jimmy: Dunno about that, doing my head in already, her Janis: n'awh Janis: shut up you 💘 it Jimmy: sounds and feels right fake Janis: then you're used to it Jimmy: you coming out or what? Janis: you reckon that's how Romeo got invited up the balcony mate Jimmy: no hot chocolate included in my invite, what more to do you want, Jules? Jimmy: 🌹? Janis: yeah Janis: love 💀 things Jimmy: chuck me off the balcony then Janis: don't tease me, baby Jimmy: I mean it Janis: where do you wanna meet Jimmy: where are you? Janis: still at my grandparents so Jimmy: Alright, hang on Janis: where do you wanna go Jimmy: where do you? Janis: I don't care Jimmy: it don't matter Janis: yeah Janis: it really don't Jimmy: just don't let Libi see us Janis: I'll come out Janis: she's not taking over again tah Jimmy: I'll warm you up Janis: I'm not scared, remember Jimmy: yeah Janis: but you can Jimmy: if I don't I know what will do Janis: scare me? Jimmy: 🌡 Janis: bighead 😏 Janis: not not true though Jimmy: you and your one track 🧠 sweetheart Janis: Bill ain't invited Janis: don't need to pretend Jimmy: Oi, I've got a 🎁 for you and it ain't just 🍆🎀 Janis: what you done that for Janis: not christmas no more Jimmy: 🎅's for life Jimmy: so's pissing off Ian Janis: oh, go ahead 🍾 Jimmy: [show up boy because she's not far and hand over what you've stolen from Ian's replenished stash and I'm gonna say one of the bottles has a post it stuck to it with today's doodle which is like something to do with them stargazing obvs] Janis: [take the bottle and stick the post it on his head whilst you take a swig 'did he find his car or what' 'cos we left it somewhere then dipped so] Jimmy: [stick it on her back like excuse you it's for you when you take the bottle to take your own swig and then nearly choke cos you're loling because he hasn't because I see no reason why he would have considering where they left it and he knows nothing about Janis or where she lives] Janis: [stick it on the back of your phone or something to keep it safe, shaking our head and smirking because it's funny but also 'what's your long term plan?'] Jimmy: [shrugs 'depends' like it's so casual and we don't think about how much we hate Ian constantly lol] Janis: ['yeah, depends if he takes it to the police' kicking a stone as we walk 'we'd both be seen in it on CCTV' shrugs 'you probably want to return it or make sure someone worse takes it now'] Jimmy: ['he's not that kind of dickhead' because he isn't lbr 'he can have it back before he's in work again, don't need him hanging about having a longer holiday'] Janis: [nods like good 'glad you have a plan' and a look like NEVER had one of them before lollol] Jimmy: [a look like are you because we know we're all thinking about if this plan works and he has to leave] Janis: [shrugging it off 'not getting arrested for you' and quickening our step so we're a beat ahead] Jimmy: [💔 mime before she gets ahead of us and lighting a 🚬 when she is] Janis: ['bit rude' when you're not offered one immediately] Jimmy: [pull her back a step like it was rude of you to walk off and so you can light one for her in a saucy and intimate manner] Janis: [this 😒😣 truly I shan't elaborate] Jimmy: [a look like what even though we know] Janis: [taking the bottle back like that's what] Jimmy: [writes a ? in the condensation on the bottle because we like being annoying] Janis: [rubs it out and uses said condensation to draw a cross on his forehead] Jimmy: [that's cold and ticklish so we gotta retaliate by putting our forehead to hers OBVS even though we literally could have done a million other things] Janis: [the effort of NOT kissing him right now just to prove a point] Jimmy: [when you could just kiss her but you want her to do it so you're just doing the thing where you pull her closer to you even though you're already close af] Janis: [can't even LOOK at him you're that close, just this bottle between 'em] Jimmy: [you can lick your lips though boy and you shall] Janis: [bite your own like how dare you] Jimmy: [pull her hair like how dare YOU and also to bring her even closer] Janis: [noise between a gasp and you know what] Jimmy: [getting one back always] Janis: ['why'd you have to-' but interrupting ourself to kiss him finally] Jimmy: [have an intense makeout sesh for a bit] Janis: [idk where you are randomly in the street tis the season] Jimmy: [they blatantly are and I love that for you] Janis: [always the vibe, always the mood] Jimmy: [trying to think of somewhere you could go even though neither of you actually care] Janis: [oh the places you can't go when you're a teen or lowkey ever, just chillin'] Jimmy: [would love if there was somewhere you could go 'camping' for a little moment but idk] Janis: [there's always the park but yeah literally idk where else] Jimmy: [everywhere else would probably be a trek sadly] Janis: [maybe you can go cali house way, there's ample camping space there but probably not tonight luvs] Jimmy: [put a pin in that dream] Janis: [emotions too high rn] Jimmy: [rn and forever tbh] Janis: [we're not okay but also the best we've been in forever, very confusing lmao] Jimmy: [we know he's in exactly the same boat and that's why you are #fated] Janis: [what a time] Janis: [you should probably have to go properly home at some point tonight gal] Jimmy: [can't avoid it forever we haven't moved you in yet] Janis: [and you have been gone since boxing day so your mother would kinda exist hen] Jimmy: [yeah exactly and you don't hate her as much now she's a sassy single mum so] Janis: [yeah we're not thrilled by it all but we are gonna be running away soon so we'll give you a hot sec fam] Jimmy: [you can't be together always lads it's too dangerous because of all the shit we can't let you say] Janis: [plus Junie hasn't made an appearance this year so you all have to go a bit harder than normal soz] Jimmy: [that whole shitshow is very fresh] Janis: [mhmm, it's very recent lmao, and Caleb and honestly Edie, oh the mess, god sake shit nan why] Jimmy: [we're all struggling, not to mention we said that Carly died around this time of year so Ali really doesn't need this shit nan] Janis: [sad times all round honey] Jimmy: [remind me to decide when Jimothy's mum went missing in terms of that anniversary because I've not] Janis: [noted] Janis: [enjoy that bus gal] Janis: 👋 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🤖 Jimmy: if the driver ain't human, it ain't me you wanna be telling Janis: you with your facebook ma 👍 Janis: the driver is deffo human, can smell him from here Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: might be trying to get a lift to anywhere Janis: not quite the midnight train Jimmy: can't be bothered to wait that long Janis: let me know how anywhere is Jimmy: no need Jimmy: you can have the 👎 now Janis: oh, it is you Janis: 😒 Jimmy: who else were you after? Janis: checking you weren't 🤖 Janis: or 👵 Jimmy: 👴 Jimmy: soz to 💔 you Janis: why would that 💔 me Janis: my type, no Jimmy: you've had to piss off, for a start Janis: I'll survive Janis: have to pick up all the farmyard critters your brother ordered anyway Jimmy: tah for that Janis: you're welcome Janis: 🤠 Jimmy: 🤞 there's no room left for Ian Janis: maybe in the shed Janis: if he's lucky Jimmy: the trampoline's a good shout Janis: 🤔 might be too much fun Jimmy: with his back? Nah mate 🎻🎻 Janis: 😂 Janis: least he doesn't have the 👵 bladder Jimmy: he's welcome that we keep nicking his stash Janis: I appreciated my gift Janis: even if it weren't 🍆🎀 Jimmy: far as street corners go, didn't reckon that one were 💰💰 Janis: I weren't gonna tip you Jimmy: 👵👜💰 Janis: she was not gonna get involved Janis: watch, maybe Jimmy: that's what I said Jimmy: different street maybe Janis: well it's pretty rude you can't perform without a big audience Jimmy: never said that Janis: hmm Jimmy: weren't asking for a review either but alright Janis: not giving one don't worry Jimmy: it's the fans who'll be dead relieved Janis: that we don't hoe it up on street corners? Janis: as they weren't there with 📱s out, probably Jimmy: that and you don't reckon I'm always ready to perform Janis: I'd never say that Jimmy: you did Janis: not to the fans Jimmy: you're alright, not my own biggest one Janis: yeah right Janis: your head is the the only one to maybe rival mine in size Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: dunno which 👵 or 🤖 you're on about Janis: you aren't shy Jimmy: you got a scale for that an' all? Janis: 😶🤐😬🙃😲😁😩🤮 Janis: something like that Jimmy: 👏👏🌹 Janis: I know you're 😁 Janis: but I'll 🤐 Jimmy: you Janis: you reckon? Jimmy: duh Janis: pretty nice Janis: could've gone 😲 Jimmy: still time for you to change my mind if you're that 💔 Janis: you like calling me scared, is all Janis: I'd go for 🙃 Janis: very dead in the eyes Jimmy: 👍's a bit strong Janis: yeah, it's an exclusive list Jimmy: obvs your 👀 are on it Janis: just my eyes? Jimmy: you reckon I never answer questions, what makes you think I'll do that one? Janis: miss 100% the shots you don't take, babe Janis: worth one, like Jimmy: I get it, you miss your coach and teammates Janis: coach is a bit much for the PE teacher who oversees all the girl's teams Janis: but whatever fantasy you're having, go off Jimmy: it's your 💭💕 Janis: fuck off is it Jimmy: SUCH a #lad I only know about 🥤 shots Janis: we're pretending you're a jock now Janis: okay, catching up Janis: 📸❌ Jimmy: Bill will be fuming if we start performing Grease Janis: such a snob Janis: loves the limelight way too much, that one Jimmy: you'll have to picture me in short shorts on your own time Janis: when I'm not thinking about my teammates, I'll give it a 💭💕 Jimmy: brb 💭 about the wrestling bit of the montage 🤼💕 Janis: pervert Jimmy: 😘 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi, what happened to whatever fantasy I were having, crack on? Janis: I can't help not being a lesbian Janis: you'll have to keep it in your head, won't you Jimmy: UGH fine Janis: you're such a twat Jimmy: SO complimentary today, you Janis: yeah, warn me if you want to screenshot and I'll bother Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Whatever Janis: talk to you later Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: cool Jimmy: is it? Janis: 'course Janis: I've got nothing to say about this bus, you're chatting shit Jimmy: bit rude Janis: is it? Jimmy: how isn't it? Janis: Some things my one track mind ain't interested in Jimmy: meaning what? Janis: just stop taking the piss Jimmy: alright Janis: sorry, I'm not in the mood Jimmy: What's wrong? Janis: just Janis: the lesbian shit Janis: I know you were joking but don't Jimmy: It's my homoerotic scene not yours, you're not Danny Zuko, soz girl Janis: alright, foreign exchange student Jimmy: I'm not into firing shots that'll actually wound you Jimmy: blanks are 👴 perks Janis: alright Janis: let you off then Jimmy: 🤞? Jimmy: no point you being fuming if I can't see how fit you look Janis: going home is shit Janis: know you already have Jimmy: I've not Janis: you've not? Jimmy: there's every point Ian being fuming and he won't be if I'm about to 🐕🏃 or babysit Janis: where are you gonna go Janis: for the forseeable Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: Come on Janis: I wouldn't have gone yet Janis: if you'd said Jimmy: that'll be why I didn't Janis: you're going to be bored Janis: and cold Jimmy: I'm northern Janis: now I seem like a total dick, right Jimmy: you went 'cause you had to Janis: least all the pubs are open Jimmy: 🍻 Jimmy: I'll find some 👴 mates Janis: yeah Janis: you will, right Janis: or go church, ALWAYS open, you know Jimmy: Jesus IS my BFF Janis: exactly Janis: keep you warm Jimmy: bit of 🙏'll do that Janis: ah, the homoeroticism strikes again Jimmy: nowt warmer than hell fire, babe Janis: I'll see you there still Janis: loads of ways to get in Jimmy: alright, but I only wanna see you if you recreate your angel outfit Janis: 😈 is a fallen angel Janis: he'll allow it Jimmy: chuffed to bits to know he'll be a fan Jimmy: loads of ours won't make it down Janis: they lack the imagination Janis: 💔 Jimmy: what they lack would be a massive list Jimmy: I'd bother telling you what else I like before I did them bulletpoints Janis: 🥧🍺🥔👀 Janis: I can keep up Jimmy: ain't you who's illiterate Janis: welcome for the pictures Janis: you can give me one more, for being nice Jimmy: 🚬 Janis: copout but fine Janis: add it to the list Jimmy: you never said it had to be one you didn't know Janis: didn't say it was a cheat Janis: just a bit...lazy? rude? idk Jimmy: I dunno what emoji I would do for what you smell like without making it weird 1. 👃? 2. 🐽? Janis: can't believe the emoji library has let you down like this Janis: 🐽 is cuter, less creepy, anyway Jimmy: there you go then Janis: I'll add it to the list Janis: I could just use 🚬 for you, that's what you smell like Jimmy: can't say I don't do owt to give you an easier go of it Janis: bit of a stretch to blame/gift your addiction to me but yeah Jimmy: but more romantic Janis: that is what's important here Janis: what do I smell like, now I'm worried Janis: at least you like it Jimmy: if I could narrow it down I'd have done Jimmy: you're not a vape Janis: nicest thing you've ever said to me? 🤔 Janis: 😍 🥰 😘 Jimmy: 😂 Janis: you really are great at this romance shit Jimmy: tah for not being 🍭🍨🍦🧁🍰🎂 it means loads to me an' all Janis: wouldn't be able to live with myself, tbh Jimmy: wouldn't be able to die with you Janis: 😷😷😷 Janis: ruin the ending, 👻 FUMING Jimmy: I'll tell him to take it up with 🚬 for only fucking your sense of taste Janis: there goes that sponsorship Jimmy: *🤐 Janis: I was doing great work saying how fit of a smell it was Janis: ffs Jimmy: Where? Janis: I put it on my list, duh Jimmy: said you could not that you did Janis: there you go then Jimmy: say it then Janis: I like the way you smell too Janis: and there should be a less creepy way to say it, you're right Jimmy: 🗨 can still stay on the list, not that you've even remembered it Janis: I've not forgotten it Janis: just doubt you like it as much as 🥔 for example Jimmy: what's it that I'm doing now? Jimmy: bit rude to doubt me Janis: I'm not a good conversationalist, not something I've got an ego about Jimmy: it's my list, dickhead, not yours Janis: but you're 🗨 about 🗨 to me Jimmy: and I'm 🗨  I rate it Jimmy: you don't get a say in what I like, we're not 👰💍🤵 Janis: I just don't believe you Janis: but that don't matter Jimmy: why? Janis: s'your list, like you said Jimmy: why don't you believe me? Janis: 'cos I never know what to say, I told you Jimmy: so you manage to say the right things without knowing Jimmy: that's 🏆 Janis: only when they've been written for me Jimmy: it were you who said she's a more boring version of you Jimmy: you know that's not when I mean Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: I like talking to you, I said it ages ago and I'm still going on about it now so there's something in that Jimmy: 💀💀💀🐴 Janis: alright, alright Janis: I'll believe you mean it Jimmy: that's 3 things about you you've had off the list, so I will shut up now, like Janis: I'm not giving your 2 IOUs Janis: not fair Jimmy: so just tell me now Janis: I'm 💭 Jimmy: don't hurt yourself Jimmy: I get it's WELL difficult Janis: Shut up Janis: I don't want you accusing me of copying you, is all Janis: I like your voice, that's different from 🗨 Jimmy: 🥇🎤 me Jimmy: goes without 🗨 the accent is an' all Janis: I'm not 🤤 'cos you're English Janis: make me sound like them Janis: but Janis: I like not loads of other cunts have heard it Jimmy: none of 'em have, my customer service voice isn't how I 🗨  or any other dickhead really does Janis: ✨ so special, me Jimmy: my sister and Ian don't wanna talk to me and our kid can't with 🗨 so you're basically it Jimmy: when Libi ain't shouting over you Jimmy: but don't let your head get too massive, can't have you stuck on that 🚍 Janis: 🎈📌 Janis: promise Jimmy: I'd have to swap uniforms and 🚒🪓 you out Jimmy: what a ball ache Janis: more cliche too Janis: no one actually wants to fuck the police Janis: gotta keep it niche Jimmy: go on then, is that your last ✔? Janis: that's only 2, I'm not adding your real/fake persona, soz 👮 Janis: alright, as you went 👀 I'll go 💋 Jimmy: fuming that you'd make me wanna kiss YOU when giving ME a compliment but alright Janis: we're both well kissable, that's fair to say Janis: ask the fans Jimmy: shh I'm 💭 and I don't want any of them twats popping up Janis: 😶 Janis: oops, defeats the point a bit Jimmy: you're alright, I control the 🔊 in my head, I'll put you on proper loud Janis: I'd add that to my list but then you'd owe me Janis: not very 😇 Jimmy: you'll have to be 😈 Janis: your 🔊 then Jimmy: for a start Janis: I'm not going to put my own on my list Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: there can be crossover Jimmy: I already know you like the 🔊 I can get you to, so don't worry if 🚬 were a copout that is Janis: you can't claim eyes forever Janis: or I'll just list all the good stuff now and you'll be well fucked Jimmy: not that long of a 🚍 ride Janis: contrary to what you reckon Janis: not that hard to think up the shit I like Jimmy: do it then Jimmy: I'm not 🙀🙀🙀 Janis: you might float away Janis: if you're still out Jimmy: got nowt else on or anywhere else to be Jimmy: 🎈 sounds decent enough Janis: 🤡 Jimmy: Dunno if I'm chuffed or gutted you didn't go for 🐘 Janis: trust you Jimmy: well you being a better 🤹 ain't going on the list Jimmy: fuming Janis: you're still good with your hands Janis: just different way Janis: 🖕✌️🤟 Jimmy: I Jimmy: wish you were here sounds like we're still at the 🏖 and I'm 🖋 a postcard but Janis: you can draw me one Janis: wish I had something to do that weren't wistfully staring out of windows but Jimmy: 👴 flirting Janis: they are pretty saucy, you know Jimmy: never heard anyone use saucy since before I ⚰👻 so tah for that, Judith Jimmy: racy is another one I miss 👴💔 Jimmy: #thegoodoldcourtingdays Janis: 🏹 to please Janis: and I know my audience Jimmy: 🎯 Janis: 💘 Jimmy: you had me at getting your MASSIVE ankle out Janis: oi, my ankle is perfectly normal now, don't try and trick me into sending you such a scandalous picture Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: proof's in the 📷 you set yourself up for that Janis: 😱 but my reputation! Jimmy: 🦶 size matters, my dear Janis: [obviously sends a picture with all sorts of pisstakey emojis and bants] Janis: dainty, I think you'll find Jimmy: [obviously sends a 😍 af selfie back which isn't even that pisstakey because we are feeling that rn and always] Janis: You're indecent Jimmy: can be if you like Jimmy: there's nobody else at the park Janis: how long do you want my list to be Jimmy: how long is it now? Janis: embarrassingly long Jimmy: can't have that Jimmy: needs to be so long you're past caring about 😳 Janis: what will I do when you fuck of 🎈 Jimmy: come with Janis: alright Janis: we'll work on your list some more and see Jimmy: alright Janis: your ❌🍆s to give thing makes the list easy though Janis: just FYI Jimmy: you're welcome Janis: you probably wanna avoid being that guy at the park though Janis: if I'm there, different vibe Jimmy: you heard there's no 👀 or 👂 Jimmy: you'd have to be the one reporting me Janis: I need you with me too bad to do that Janis: I don't need bars between us as well as distance, like Janis: even Bill didn't go there Jimmy: The antlers are long gone, even if the 🎵's live on in my 🧠 Jimmy: no reindeer games that involve a jailbreak, I promise Janis: Shame Janis: how are you going to top your festive #lewks? Jimmy: 🤔🤔 Jimmy: nowt but full body glitter? Janis: 😏 Janis: sounds itchy Jimmy: 💀👑 not have a pool? 💔🎻🎻 Jimmy: SUCH a letdown Janis: 💡 Janis: have to ask Janis: clog the filters right up Jimmy: hot tub'll do IF IT HAS TO but it don't have the #drama Bill's after Janis: she's definitely got one of them Janis: sti soup that it is 🤢 Jimmy: really painted a picture for me there Jimmy: might just leave the ✨ on so she knows where I've been Janis: imagine how many secretaries have been disappointed in there Janis: not to mention the lads not quite swallowed whole Janis: not going to be unnoticed, I guess Janis: shine on Jimmy: Dunno if I wanna 💭 Jimmy: more tragic than owt Bill's ever written Janis: #bonerkiller Janis: she's 💔🎻🎻 daddy could ever be anything less than 💯 as well Jimmy: 🤞 he sends her a postcard, can't wait to nick that off the fridge Janis: so hot when you're mean Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: not even started yet, baby Jimmy: didn't reckon on being chuffed to bits for her party but Janis: I know Janis: should thank us Janis: no one has ever been this buzzing Jimmy: except those lads when they realised they'd FINALLY 💀💀💀 Janis: you're special, babe Janis: not everyone likes it like you Jimmy: don't put that on your list Jimmy: makes me sound like a twat Janis: if I did it'd make me sound like a psychopath so Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: least we ain't made a list of the other dickheads we want to die Jimmy: length of it would be a nightmare Janis: and we're looking for less attention, not more Janis: school therapist can do one if she wants to chat Jimmy: bit rude she ain't introduced herself to me, been here ages struggling with this bloody paddy language barrier Janis: how dare she not want to start an inappropriate relationship with you Janis: Lucas doing all the heavy lifting for her 😤 Jimmy: am I losing my new boy ✨ or what? 😱 Janis: her cardigan collection means she's either celibate or a massive lesbian so Janis: you're still so ✨ I SWEAR Jimmy: Why not both? #dontlimityourselflove Jimmy: OH THANK GOD Janis: read that as #doityourselflove so, yeah Janis: must be what she's up to in her office, bless Jimmy: Be Lucas in detention an' all Jimmy: will have spent the hol practicing with them new ties so he's ready to go Janis: you better be here Janis: or my trauma is on your hands Jimmy: can't have that Jimmy: plays right into the hands of that gay therapist Jimmy: you don't know it weren't her spreading those rumours Janis: make sense Janis: did turn her down last time Janis: doubt she works commission for every fucked up kid she 'helps' Jimmy: I'll be here to save you, Joanne Janis: Ian don't move fast Janis: I've noticed Jimmy: he's got the 🐕 and 👶s to bring him 🍺🥧🥔 when there's no Sharon, no need to move Janis: so what's your next step Jimmy: body in the boot when I bring the car back? Janis: his or john/jane doe Jimmy: Sharons obvs Janis: duh Janis: we're framing him Janis: okay, where's she hang out Jimmy: depends Janis: when she ain't photocopying things Jimmy: she's always photocopying her tits, full time job, that Jimmy: what it depends on is which Sharon you mean Jimmy: but probably find any of them in the hair dye aisle Janis: all of 'em at once Janis: like confused blonde gazelles Janis: *blonde, with bad roots and tell-tell greys 😱 Janis: have to stack 'em up Jimmy: 😂 Janis: not a list, technically Janis: Sharon x ??? Jimmy: be weird seeing their real names in all the papers Janis: for your dad too Janis: can pin them on his cell wall Jimmy: Dunno what he calls 'em Jimmy: @ him Janis: I'm not sure I need to 💭 Jimmy: 🙀🙀🙀 Janis: bit late for the christmas card Jimmy: crack on drafting your new year's text Janis: Dear future father in law Janis: terrified Jimmy: *daddy in law Janis: 😂 Janis: even better Jimmy: do they not make new years cards? 💔 missing something if it's not 🖋🩸 Janis: you send the text before the rush hun Jimmy: oh tah, I'll make sure our kid gets on the tin can 📞 proper early Janis: yeah, little socialite will be well busy Jimmy: got a wedding to plan if nowt else Janis: don't tell him it's her 4th Jimmy: he'd never stop 😭😭 Jimmy: I'll 📞 him now, let Ian sort that Janis: nursery gets wild, what can she say Jimmy: gutted she can't come to the party 💀👑'd never survive her review Janis: 💔 Janis: have to arrange a play date Janis: 💀👑 n #2'd keel over 🤞 Jimmy: I'll stick in it the group chat Janis: make sure you make it clear there'll be kids there Janis: don't want them to die of excitement before we can do it ourselves Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not playing with them Janis: can't make me Jimmy: could but I won't Jimmy: you're my best mate, they ain't having you Janis: 😳 Janis: can I put that on the list Jimmy: do you want to? Janis: yeah Jimmy: so there's your answer Janis: what emoji means BFFs Jimmy: 🤝? 🤗? Janis: 🤝 Janis: I don't know what that other fucker is doing Jimmy: looks like when dickheads mime they're being kissed, do you know what I mean? Janis: well, we aren't THOSE kind of friends Jimmy: what sort are we? Janis: strictly 🤝 professional Janis: don't get any ideas Janis: so friendzoned Jimmy: alright Janis: 😂 Janis: is it? Jimmy: have to be now you've said, won't it? Janis: not necessarily Janis: what kind of friends do you think we are? Jimmy: I weren't planning to stick a post it on your head Janis: might help you remember my name Jimmy: I know your name, Juliet Jimmy: dunno what you're on about Janis: mhmm Janis: my mistake Jimmy: not as thick as I look, remember Janis: I know Janis: mates, remember Jimmy: 🥇🤝 Janis: ✨ Jimmy: you gonna wear them for the party an' all? Janis: couple outfit!!1 Janis: I don't know Janis: it's gonna be all LBDs and sparkles so Janis: got to do better Jimmy: question is, shopping trip or crafting session? Janis: I've had enough crafting for one holiday Jimmy: thought you were gonna say one life Janis: and 😢 you like that? Janis: not very nice Jimmy: being nice I were about to offer to take you 🛍  after work Janis: yeah? Janis: 😇 boy Jimmy: never said I'd 💰 for owt Jimmy: steady on Janis: duh Janis: don't need money Jimmy: 😈 then Janis: we can pretend Janis: you will be sick of using your customer service 🔊😁 Jimmy: already am Janis: I'll come in a bit early Janis: you can talk to me properly Jimmy: you're being too nice now Janis: that a no? Jimmy: it's a what do you want? Janis: 😈 Jimmy: go on Janis: tell me when you're off and you'll see if I turn up early or on time Jimmy: [a time] Janis: sorted Jimmy: what about about now? Janis: what could I possibly do that was 😈 now Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: you're right, no chance of topping the 🦶📷 Janis: that kind of shameless reverse psychology will always work Janis: hold on Jimmy: don't need to be a school therapist Janis: bringing her up ain't gonna get you anything 🔥 Jimmy: if you can't give me owt 🔥 when you're under it from any bollocks going, what kind of muse are you? 💔 Janis: you get what you give, dickhead Jimmy: [gives her something 🔥🔥 obvs] Janis: [more risque pic back than last time, idk the scale but one up from whatever we did before] Jimmy: alright, I take back what I said Janis: you better Jimmy: ❌ Janis: 👍 Jimmy: should've said you were so 🏆 I'd have offered to lend you my 📷 before the killing spree Janis: I prefer when you take them Jimmy: that going on the list? Janis: I don't know if I'm that comfortable with the spotlight Janis: but you make me look alright Jimmy: nowt to do with me Jimmy: how you look Janis: nah, but I don't immediately wanna hide or flip you off so Janis: take it Jimmy: gutted 🖕💕 Janis: [pic of] Janis: anything for you, dearest Jimmy: 😍😍😍😍 Jimmy: there she is Janis: not been mugged by some random slag Jimmy: bit awkward I were so into it if you were Janis: yeah, she'll be fuming if she ever finds out Jimmy: our secret Janis: fuck off Janis: supposed to say I could never get mugged 'cos I'm so 💪 Jimmy: I dunno how many fake muggers there were, mate Janis: don't matter Janis: GOD Jimmy: were he there an' all? bit rude of him not to help you out Jimmy: such a good catholic lass Janis: he helps those whole help themselves Janis: and you might be friends now but known me longer so he'll definitely let me smack you Jimmy: wouldn't stop you myself, how could I when you're THAT 💪🏆🥇 Janis: 😒 Janis: shush Jimmy: walking wounded, me Jimmy: about to turn into a ⛄ Janis: stop it Janis: focus on finding a decent pub Jimmy: without you as my sat nav? Janis: why'd you let me go dickhead Janis: I'm mad Jimmy: why'd you have to? Jimmy: there's your answer Janis: they'd all survive Janis: I don't care Jimmy: I'll live Janis: yeah Jimmy: don't be pissed off at me Jimmy: 🤗🤗🤗 Janis: do what you like, mate Jimmy: *🥺🥺🥺 Janis: you're so annoying, you know Jimmy: I'll go back when you have, it's 🥇🤝 of me or some bollocks Janis: don't go back 'til you want to Janis: just do something that ain't freezing to death, tah Janis: I get why you don't wanna be there Jimmy: never ain't an option Jimmy: and the park's nice, loads of 🏆💭 Janis: okay Janis: that's true Janis: what you can remember Jimmy: that you offering to fill in the gaps or what? Janis: I don't know what you and don't 💭 Jimmy: could just tell me what you do, for a start Janis: could do Jimmy: so? Janis: we first went there after we ruined that bitch's shit party, yeah Jimmy: with half the other dickheads who left Jimmy: for a bit Janis: right, but no one's got any stamina so then it was just us Jimmy: feels like ages ago Jimmy: but all our 🎨's still here Janis: I remember that Janis: and it pissed it down, like school trip Janis: weird how it wasn't long ago at all, actually Jimmy: 🚫🌨 Janis: not festive but Jimmy: you were 🥶🥶 any road, I remember that Jimmy: had to chuck you a jacket Janis: you insisted, I remember Janis: as per Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: don't think you do 💭 Janis: was one of the many other lads I take there, was it? Jimmy: or all them sonnets Bill's got you bothering with Janis: if that's as far as your 💭 goes Jimmy: if that's as far as my memory goes, what? Janis: you don't remember as much as I do Jimmy: never said it were Janis: go on then Jimmy: I said sorry for being 😒 and having my own personal 🌧 over my head the way I would if you were really pissed off with me now Janis: what a nightmare Janis: making you say sorry all the time Jimmy: *not enough of the time Janis: not the kind of mate I'm trying to be Jimmy: why not? Janis: bit naggy Janis: bit more stepmum energy, that Jimmy: that weren't your reaction how I remember it Jimmy: might just be that the Sharons have done a shit job at giving out the right #energy Janis: I know it weren't Janis: weren't that drunk that night, if at all Jimmy: bit busy sorting that lass out for trying to make you look a twat Janis: n trying to hop on your dick, yeah Jimmy: that's every lass Janis: no need to flex, I've heard, like Jimmy: no need to 1. make it about me when it were about you 2. call me a lightweight Janis: 1. everything is about me, far as you're concerned baby 💕 2. clearly not as your 🧠 so clear Jimmy: clearly were saying you dunno what I do or don't remember a bit ago when you reckon you barely drank owt Janis: maybe you've got a shit memory Janis: not gonna assume nothing Jimmy: 👴💔 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: what? Janis: you're being irritating again Janis: what's your point? Jimmy: how am I? Janis: I don't know, just being pedantic and saying shit you know I'm not saying Jimmy: bollocks Janis: this is what I mean Janis: what's wrong, just come out with it Jimmy: nowt's wrong with me, I dunno what you mean Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: rewind then Janis: before you were using emojis solely to chat Jimmy: before we met's a bit far, Judith Janis: well they ain't my idea Janis: 💃💅🛍😘☕🍸💖 Janis: #inspo Jimmy: I get it, you want full verses Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: [writes her a decent poem cos just that bitch] Janis: where'd you steal that from Janis: I can't find it on google Jimmy: you won't Jimmy: it's from my 🧠 Janis: just now? Jimmy: sound more surprised, dickhead Jimmy: you chucked me loads of #inspo Janis: I am, sorry, like Janis: how do you do that Jimmy: what? Janis: say such Janis: 🤯 things Jimmy: just pissing about, me Janis: it's a skill Janis: you could use it for evil Janis: if you wanted Jimmy: have used it for 💰 Jimmy: at my school before Janis: yeah? Janis: 👏 Jimmy: no dickhead's gone above 🥔 prints Jimmy: had to do something to make it less grim Janis: you and your 🎨 temperament Janis: should do it here Janis: 💰s a 💰 Jimmy: massive language barrier Jimmy: don't 🗨 paddy Janis: gutted Janis: I'd help but Janis: need emotions and shit for that Jimmy: to proofread? Janis: yeah Janis: ❓❗ me Jimmy: nowt but going over it with a green 🖋 is it? Janis: depends how 💕 these notes are gonna be Jimmy: depends how 💰 they are Janis: so you'll do homework as well, sick notes? Jimmy: homework's a bit far Jimmy: unless it's about Bill obvs Janis: obvs Janis: you should do it Janis: you piss it out easy, evidenced loads of times Jimmy: know how to piss out a website and ads an' all, tah sir Jimmy: it's like he knew Janis: what a babe Janis: guardian 😇 Janis: don't put it on 💀👑 site, be a dead giveaway Jimmy: she'd have me doing 💌 for daddy Jimmy: talk about piss easy 😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: xoxo 👻 boy Janis: keep it professional, babe Janis: she'll never pay if you sound as thirsty as you do Jimmy: she'd never pay Janis: 😏 cold dead hands Jimmy: would need your 💪 Janis: I'd LOVE to fuck her up Jimmy: not just her, any twat who's 💰 shy Janis: you reckon I'll be 😢? Jimmy: *😁 Janis: exactly Janis: ☁team Jimmy: SUCH a ☀ you Jimmy: 💔 you're not here Janis: how cold are you? Jimmy: how northern am I? Janis: stubborn* Janis: pretty damn stubborn Jimmy: *💪 Jimmy: VERY is right Janis: I won't disagree Janis: everyone's 👀 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: it's rude Jimmy: why? Janis: I can't look at you ALL the time Jimmy: can if you want Janis: can't right now Jimmy: 📷 Janis: but then the second problem becomes the first Jimmy: ? Janis: can't touch you Jimmy: you've got your perfect 💭 recall from when you did Janis: have to do Jimmy: I'll 🏃 Jimmy: race the 🚍 back Janis: very classics Janis: bit after Bill's time but he's down Jimmy: are you? Janis: you know I miss you Jimmy: not what I asked Janis: it'd keep you warm Jimmy: not for long if your mum won't have me through the door Janis: she's got loads of kids, won't notice one more Janis: you can come, if you wanna Jimmy: alright Janis: I want you too Jimmy: then I'll be there in a bit Jimmy: he'll be chuffed to have his car again Janis: yeah Janis: wanna take it for one last ride though Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: I know Janis: redundant Jimmy: I get it, you just wanna hear it from me Janis: naturally Jimmy: it's a yeah, never not a yeah to you Janis: 💀 me Jimmy: as promised Janis: s'all I want Jimmy: so slowly, so painfully Janis: shit Jimmy: if you can't feel the whole 🔪 we'll just have another go Janis: death by a thousand cuts might seem a bit ambitious Janis: but I've got trust in you Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Janis: you are Jimmy: you Janis: but you Jimmy: you heard me Jimmy: you're Janis: you're more Janis: whatever you were going to say Jimmy: that's just you Jimmy: more than I can 🗨 Janis: but you make me feel so Jimmy: I should be fuming that you make me feel owt but there's no room for bollocks like that Janis: yeah Janis: like, I should care, be careful Janis: but I don't and I can't Jimmy: fuck it Jimmy: nowt matters but this Janis: fuck it Janis: if you're alright with it, so am I Jimmy: you're all I want Janis: then I'm yours Jimmy: 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I've got no words for what that felt like Janis: but 👍 not 👎 Janis: yeah? Jimmy: like the twist of a 🔪 Jimmy: 🥇👍 Janis: good Janis: you're welcome Jimmy: I'll never get there if you keep being so Janis: It's hard being quiet when there's so much I could say to make you Janis: but I will Jimmy: it's hard being quiet Janis: you don't have to be, do you? Jimmy: not the one on a packed 🚍 but Janis: I've got loads of practice Jimmy: I'm not putting it on my list but take your 🏆 Janis: you don't have to Janis: when we get to mine, there's places we can be as loud as we want Jimmy: okay Janis: warm, comfortable places Janis: don't worry Jimmy: Oi Janis: I know, you're VERY 💪 and even more Northern Janis: but I want you to feel comfortable before I kill you Jimmy: don't be making out that owt worries me but how fucking far into the middle of nowt you live Janis: I know, it's very inconvenient Janis: miss his car, like Jimmy: why didn't I just come with you? fuck's sake Janis: same reasons I didn't stay with you Jimmy: 🥇💡 us Janis: Don't tell the fans Janis: so disappointed Jimmy: far as they know we're never apart Janis: if only, babes Jimmy: 💭🥺 Janis: I am more bored Janis: when you aren't about Jimmy: that it? Jimmy: the full scale of your feelings Janis: shh Jimmy: you're less 😳 when I'm not about Jimmy: greatest 💔 this town's ever had to go through Janis: if anyone wants to disagree I'll 🥺 at them Jimmy: What kind of dickhead would dare? It's the sort of 🎨 that ain't subjective, soz Janis: you'll have to let 'em know Jimmy: 📢 OI Janis: 😂 just like that Jimmy: know what I'm doing, me Janis: you don't need to tell me Janis: but I am going to need you to show me again, like right fucking now please Jimmy: seeing as you were so polite about it, my dear Jimmy: what can I do for you right fucking now? Janis: just Janis: tell me you feel it too Janis: how much you wish I was there, or you was here Jimmy: I feel it Jimmy: the fans aren't the only dickheads 🤞 we were together all the time Janis: not my fault everyone else is shit Jimmy: 🤏 your fault you're not but Janis: you're not even meant to be here Jimmy: 👻 barely am, it's alright Janis: no it's not Janis: but I don't care Jimmy: it is, we can just Janis: just Jimmy: stick together Janis: yeah Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🤝 Janis: makes sense Jimmy: good Jimmy: how much I like having you about is too much of a copout for the list Janis: when you're gone Janis: be more of a test Janis: always about now, like Jimmy: we're going together so ⚰ budge up dickhead Janis: shared enough single beds with you to manage Jimmy: might wanna stretch out a bit for the afterlife Janis: double plot?! 😱🥴 Janis: can only dream Jimmy: 👑 Janis: chuck ourselves off the same bridge, loads of room to swim about Jimmy: 🧜🏽 Janis: know I beat you so bad boxing day but it's okay Janis: can't drown once you're 💀 Jimmy: bollocks did you Jimmy: could've broken all my ribs and I'd still 🏆 Janis: the fact you've brought up your handicap speaks 🔊 Jimmy: of how 💪🥇 I am Janis: 👌 Jimmy: you're done being nice now, I get it Jimmy: 🦈 Janis: you don't like it when I'm nice really Jimmy: don't I? Janis: nah Janis: do you? Jimmy: you reckon you know my ✔ Jimmy: no need to answer Janis: if you wanna be my mate you clearly don't ✔ nice very highly Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: you were talking bollocks when going on about how nice you ALWAYS are to me Janis: by my standards Janis: too nice Janis: but by everyone else's, not winning no 😇🏆 Jimmy: 1. I give out the 🏆 2. no fucker else has any standards around here Janis: what's your verdict then Jimmy: on how nice you are or how much I rate it? Janis: both Jimmy: what's my verdict on you asking questions you know the answer to, more like Janis: 😳 you Jimmy: you Janis: tell me how nice I am, go on 😏 Jimmy: make me Janis: 🥺🥺 Jimmy: it don't work without your 👀 Janis: [🥺 selfie] Jimmy: rude Janis: no, I'm nice Jimmy: it'd be nice if you were here and I could just Janis: what would you do Jimmy: you know what Jimmy: I'm nice Janis: yeah Janis: I can say it Jimmy: might do but you can't take a compliment Janis: psh Jimmy: alright so if I 🗨 nobody's ever been this nice to me, you won't be 😳😳? Janis: maybe a 🤏 but you don't need to know Jimmy: I want to though Jimmy: your 😳 is high on my list Janis: because it makes me look so 🤓 Jimmy: it makes us even Janis: [adorable nerdiness] Jimmy: might not remember when I got on the 🚗 to tell you the story of being a twat but I do and when it happened an' all Jimmy: 😳 before it were 😎 me Jimmy: it's just something you can do, Janet 🏆👏🌹 Jimmy: to be fuming about but I'm not Janis: Then you won't be mad that I do remember Jimmy: 'course you do, you were 🙀 I were gonna fall off Janis: 'scuse me for not wanting to watch you get injured when I could have the pleasure of doing it myself Janis: not Lucas Jimmy: compared to him you're a saint Jimmy: but don't worry I won't let your shit nan know Janis: just not a watch in the cupboard type Janis: I wouldn't bring up the subject, she might assault you or something Jimmy: can't have that or any more time off work 🤐 Janis: 💔 Janis: the world needs it's caffeine and it's eyecandy Janis: can't be selfish like Jimmy: direct your 🎻🎻 @ my manager SO hard done by that I didn't do boxing day he's given me every shite shift going til we're in school Janis: what a prick Janis: what shifts will he be working, I wonder Jimmy: there you go with the questions you know the answers to, girl Jimmy: if it weren't a full time job pissing off Ian, what with him being so easy going and it taking ages to do his head in, I'd add him to the hit list an' all Janis: fair, did do that one for effect, babe Janis: they'll send him off to some over shithole and you'll have a new one in a month, s'what they do with managers, yeah Janis: not worth the 🕖 or 💪 Janis: other* Jimmy: 💔 it ain't what they do with Ian's role within his company Janis: a good sex pest is hard to come by Janis: keeping tight hold, like Jimmy: every other dickhead stopping at stealing 🖋s Jimmy: pisstake Janis: he must be good at whatever the fuck he's actually meant to be doing besides 👀🖐 Janis: try to be selective so we don't have no more famines n shit Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for the Q&A Janis: think I'm 😍 for accounts Janis: no tah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you're gonna have to offer me something more to pretend to be 😍 for your dad, soz Jimmy: I'm alright for you not fake dating him an' all Janis: good Janis: not seeing how that would EVER make him wanna leave anyway Janis: such a delight Jimmy: when you 💔 him duh Jimmy: but it's still a no tah Janis: think of some way before resorting to that Jimmy: I'd stay before that Janis: I appreciate it Jimmy: me an' all that you don't wanna fuck my dad Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: right Janis: you don't look that alike Jimmy: I'll take that compliment Janis: you can definitely have it Jimmy: that'll be the nicest thing you've ever said to me Jimmy: even if I were about forever Janis: bit sly to challenge me to compliment you loads Janis: 🥰 you Jimmy: 😏 Janis: he's clearly just pissed he's past it, and weren't as 😎 as you to begin with Jimmy: we're all 💔🎻😭 he gave his best years to Debbie when there's loads of Sharons cracking on with doing their roots as we 🗨 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: *😢 I know Janis: yet again, SUCH a shame my ma's a natural blonde Janis: been a widow for ages, give him some tips Jimmy: for her Jimmy: what a bloody catch she's missed out on there Janis: 💔🎻😭 all over again Janis: 'tis the season Jimmy: 🤞 they've taken the mistletoe down in his office Janis: can he hang on 'til NYE Janis: such a lad, it seems unlikely Jimmy: the things that Q&A would be full of if you'd only crack on, girl Janis: I'm naturally curious, don't be rude Jimmy: 💀💀💀😼 Janis: you saw all the fuckers Janis: just more siblings Jimmy: and I had to tell our kid all their names Janis: 😏 Janis: unlucky Jimmy: you gonna stop pissing about and get fluent or what 🤓? Janis: oi Janis: give me a break, it hasn't ACTUALLY been that long, remember Jimmy: I get it, I'm no Mr Lucas 😭😭😭 Janis: who is Janis: 🏆 lifetime achievement best teacher ever Janis: anyway, I like it when you talk, remember Janis: only so much your brother and me need to 🗨 about Jimmy: I were more thinking about you pulling your weight when him and Libi 🗨 but alright Janis: how long did it take to learn it Janis: actually Janis: obviously you didn't before 👶 Jimmy: no different from learning any other, how good's your spanish? Jimmy: it's about how much you bother, have to every day Janis: makes sense, not like it's optional Janis: and my Spanish is pretty shit, Lucas don't teach it 💔 Janis: it's like Portuguese but barely know any of that either, shit nan being predictably shit Jimmy: what about 🍀? Janis: little better Janis: did offer my services in good faith earlier Jimmy: to answer your Q, still get things wrong and he's been about and deaf for ages Jimmy: but it says fluent on the CV, nowt else matters Janis: 👌 Janis: long as you got the basics down, he ain't 💀 any time soon Janis: might try it with my cousin Janis: she don't speak Jimmy: bring her on the playdate long as Libi won't be 💔 Jimmy: our kid could have a teaching 🏆 an' all Janis: her ma probably won't have that Janis: not Libi stealing my phone to come up with the excuses there Jimmy: she the one from church? Janis: 💀 crew's oldest member, yeah Jimmy: next time there's a catholic occasion, we'll steal the kid Jimmy: can't really stop us, her Janis: 🦴 as a weapon? Jimmy: better bring the 🐕 in case Janis: 💡🥇 Janis: alright, I'm down Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: you off that fucking 🚍 yet or what? Janis: how far have you even got Jimmy: if it was real 💕 you'd have got off to 🏃 an' all Jimmy: have met me in the middle Janis: thank god it's fake Janis: don't need us both aimlessly 🏃 about Janis: but I'm basically back now, so I will keep a 👀 out Jimmy: have a 🥃 if you've got owt left from that 🎁 dunno where I am Janis: put your location on so I can santa-track you Janis: know what you and 🐑 are like, you'll get well off track and well distracted Jimmy: nowt to do with your 👀 OBVS Jimmy: [does put his location on] Jimmy: Where am I then? Janis: you can compliment me when you're nearer Janis: well done for being in the right county Janis: 🤔 okay, hang on Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: I'm gonna get your dad's car and come find you Janis: may as well Jimmy: that's how lost I am 😒 Janis: that bus takes long enough Janis: I wanna see you now Jimmy: alright Janis: you didn't fuck up that horrifically Jimmy: bollocks Janis: it's even more classics that you're lost Janis: very goals Janis: really should pick you up on horse but fuck that Jimmy: fake a 🐴 when we tweet it, be alright Janis: as long as you're not feeling let down Jimmy: NEVER Janis: good Janis: so ✨ you Jimmy: I just wanna see you an' all Janis: 👀 at me long as you like Jimmy: very subtle challenge Janis: yeah, 'cos that's all I want Jimmy: need an even longer lens to stalk you from the north Jimmy: make the most of my 😍 dickhead Janis: 😒 Jimmy: what? Janis: nothing 'cept someone just got off at my stop so I might be about to be murdered Jimmy: Oi, I ain't falling for that again Jimmy: you're too 💪🏆🥇 baby, weren't that what you wanted me to say about the mugging? Janis: ugh Janis: so tough being this tough Jimmy: whoever that dickhead is can't 💀💀💀 you Jimmy: not part of the plan Janis: I'll let 'em know you said so Jimmy: 📢 OI Jimmy: my victim, piss off Janis: **fake girlfriend Jimmy: *best mate I've ever had Janis: oi Jimmy: ? Janis: meant to be scaring off weirdos, not being soft Jimmy: just claiming you, Jessica, if you wanted to be pissed on, you should've said Janis: got to draw the line somewhere Jimmy: I'll chuck you a pen Jimmy: can stab that prick with it after Janis: 🧛👅🩸 Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: don't fill up on him Janis: come on Janis: I could never get enough of you Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: Baby Janis: I don't want anyone else Jimmy: control your 🩸 lust for a bit longer, tah very much Jimmy: you can have all mine Janis: you know you've got all of mine Jimmy: hurry up and come here Janis: I am, I swear Jimmy: on what? Janis: my 👀s? Jimmy: both of them? Jimmy: if I have to craft you an eye patch I might as well fucking sign up for Pinterest Jimmy: be that mum Janis: do you have a preference? Janis: bit weird Jimmy: is it? Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: you do not Janis: you're taking the piss now Jimmy: am I? Jimmy: not telling you now, mate Janis: 😣 Jimmy: do you want me to have a favourite one? Janis: that's no sort of answer Jimmy: it's a question for you to answer, so go on Janis: I don't think you do Janis: but I wouldn't be mad if you did Jimmy: it's the one on my left Janis: I'm gonna have to stop to look Janis: and then look at yours when you get here Jimmy: no #hate to the other one Jimmy: it's just Janis: you're just Jimmy: I don't know how to explain Janis: you don't need to Janis: I get it Jimmy: might be able to get your head round it if you have a look Jimmy: no good with words, me Janis: it IS weird but I feel it too Janis: I've 👀 at you enough to have favourites and 👀 things that it feels Janis: 😳 to admit to noticing Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say you'd looked at yourself enough to have a favourite eye Janis: charming 😂 Jimmy: probably don't spread that about, babe Jimmy: I mean, I get it, if I were you'd I'd be in the mirror all the time an' all but Janis: you know what you look like Janis: #bigheadconfirmed Jimmy: I never said I don't look at myself loads in every shiny surface of the CG Jimmy: what else am I gonna 👀 @ the customers?! I'm alright for that Janis: don't blame you Janis: obvs Jimmy: so go on, you said you've got favs Janis: I am not giving you them all Janis: right now Jimmy: one for one Janis: fair enough Janis: your freckles Janis: the ones on your back, especially but all of them Jimmy: you should've said before now, I'd have chucked you a pen for them an' all Jimmy: be a bit rude of me to do it to yours Janis: I can use my hands Janis: not that I scratch with purpose or intent Jimmy: 🎨 Janis: I should 📸 Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I won't get a weird close up of your eye or owt though Janis: do what you like Janis: just leave it off the feed if it ain't #goals Jimmy: whatever we do is #goals Janis: just too good Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: alright, I'm getting near, stay still now Jimmy: 😎🚬 Jimmy: though that does sound like you're 🙀🙀 of sudden movements Janis: just mean don't keep walking and walk right past me/into the headlights tah Jimmy: not how you wanna 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: I'll leave it out Janis: you'll be glad you did Jimmy: never been a letdown, you Janis: don't need to big me up until I prove it Jimmy: I'm only saying you have, not that you don't have to keep doing it Janis: have to? Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I said what I said Janis: [turn up] Janis: get in Jimmy: [does obvs but not before opening her car door and kissing her because simply must] Janis: [pulling him into the car on your side so you're both in the driver's seat now, having a moment] Jimmy: [fully support that wherever you are rn] Jimmy: [telling her he's missed her in between kisses when he's capable of forming words that don't just come out as sounds, we've probably had to have a few attempts at it lol] Janis: [she's not going to be any better so don't you worry boy, probably just keep saying 'I' and 'you' and not finishing any sentences here] Jimmy: [it's a mood and we all know it, like he's been drinking from Ian's stash but not enough that we can run away with ourselves, he's already said a lot of feelsy shit here, we see you and your fave eye sir] Janis: [we've said a lot without saying it in a way that seems serious af but we know honey we know] Jimmy: [not even doing it deliberately so it hurts more when she runs away, the feels are just naturally high and things be progressing] Janis: [mhmm, damn you shit nan, why you gotta ruin it] Jimmy: [she can't, you'll get back to this lads and beyond it] Janis: [that's true] Janis: [for now, stay in this car as long as you wanna, then go back to the cali gaff and live your best life some more] Jimmy: [soz fam that they can't bear to be separated] Janis: [its lowkey a good thing anyway, you can take the car to work/back to Ian, at least she's at home, like we all know you'll take that] Jimmy: [we all just want you to be happy hen] Janis: [though we are suspish/triggered by you Jimothy, we're not wilding yet Jimmy: [soz about that Jimothy, Liam really did you dirty] Janis: [oh lads, the fact we'll never really know the truth of that whole situ] Jimmy: [we really did something there, I love us] Janis: [do you think anyone would watch the tapes before Libi? 'cos like Ali would wanna but wouldn't but I could make a case that Ruster MIGHT, which would be drama] Jimmy: [oooh yeah good point, I do like the idea of that drama because I am rude] Janis: ['cos they could still come away from it thinking he was just a stalker or whatever we want] Janis: [but it would potentially give some closure before Libi is old enough to watch and understand 'cos they'd clearly love each other] Jimmy: [yeah agreed, I definitely think there's a lot of potential there with what they could take away from viewing all those vids] Janis: [okay, noted for later honeybuns] Janis: [is there anything we wanna vibe for tonight] Jimmy: [I think we've done a lot and this is probably getting long] Janis: [coolio hun]

[blacktotheblueside]

(Ex) Bobby

Summary: you just ready for bobby tah GO!!!! But he fine so you don’t know...

I was an actress that was challenging myself, I was obsessed with Korean dramas and wanted to play a part in one so my management brought me to South Korea around 3 years ago and in those years I was in a few kdramas, movies and in a public relationship with iKon’s one and only bobby. We’re currently broken up and it has just been released by none other than dispatch themselves, I’m sat with my management discussing how I’m gonna be bombarded with questions about my breakup and how I should handle it. I’m in a new drama as the main female lead and I’m going to be doing a ton of interviews he’s bound to be mentioned in a few.

I sigh as my team lay advice and all sorts. I’m very grateful I’ve been given this opportunity to act in Korea, I learnt the language when I first came and been working on it ever since hence why now I get more parts, this is the first time in one of the main characters. I just wanna focus on work but even while we’re broken up bobby still finds a way to be in my life.

~~~~

It’s 4am and my alarm goes off, I have sooo much schedules today. I don’t even try and dose off again like usual, I jump off the bed and get showered before my stylist arrives to dress me for the day...hair dressers, make up artist all that!

I’m dressed in a white baggy tee waiting for *KnockKnockKnock* they’re here.

We went with fresh faced makeup and my curly hair in a sleek low bun. For my outfit I’m wearing black skinny fit trousers and a white see through dress shirt, it’s baggy and it’s hanging off my shoulders teamed with a white bralette, yellow pump heels and yellow studs.

<My Schedule>

Inkigayo actor special mc w/ seo kang jun

Hello counsellor

Happy together foreigners working in korean entrainment

That’s all for today, I’m glad it was all shows where I won’t have to speak about bobby, all fun chatting.

~~~ Inkigayo ~~~

I walk through the corridor to get to my dressing room. I can speak korean but I still get so nervous before a show, I hate messing up! I have to get changed into something less formal, I go with a white dungaree dress with a pink off the shoulder top and pink high top converse. A long glittery chain for a belt and have my curls styled half up in a pony tail and the rest down my back.

I have 10 minutes left so I start making my way to the stage. I say hi at least 100 times on my way no joke, I bump into BTS on the way as the have a new comeback, I remained so calm I’m proud! I see kang Jun and we start chatting, we’ve met before at award shows and other tv shows, he tells me to not be scared and we head out and the crowd cheers!

We finish the show smoothly making me wonder why I was nervous to start with. I say bye to kang Jun and all the acts I see on my way out, bangtan we’re not there so I was a little disappointed I’m a huge fan of them. Next time I guess.

I’ve changed back into my first outfit and I’m on the way to my next schedule... I eat a famous inkigayo sandwich in the car while getting my hair re done and my make up touched up.

~~~ hello counsellor ~~~

I arrive just in time to say hi to all the hosts and guest...we make our way onto the set.

I’m a guest along with jay park and Jeonghan and scoups from svt. The boys show some of there new song. As for me they play a snippet of my new drama. They compliment my Korean a few times and ask about how I came over and started acting here.

Hello counsellor was so fun to shoot I got to role play with jay park on how to overcome an angry wife, I laughed and nearly even cried.

The show ends and I make my way to the car again. I change in the car thank God for tinted windows! I change into dark brown leather skirt and a light brown t shirt tucked in, with khaki sandal heels and earrings. My hair is in a high ponytail with my baby hairs styled (obviously by me)

~~~ happy together ~~~

This is the one I’m more excited for! I’ve always wanted to come on here. I make my way to my dressing room and now I’m already dressed and ready to go I’ve got time to kill, I am going out on a full stomach! I’m on my phone while I’m walking, my Social media all blowing up! I click on twitter to see my mentions all filled with articles of bobby.... curiosity gets the better of me, I see the headline “NETIZENS ARE QUESTIONING WHETHER iKON’S BOBBY AND ACTRESS Y/N ARE REALLY BROKEN UP AFTER BOBBY POSTS PHOTO OF A WOMAN’S SHADOW CAPTIONED WITH Y/N’S MOST FAMOUS LINE.”

I’m in the dressing room and I sit straight down before I fall or even worse get snapped looking at this!

I click the “read more” button and start skimming the article.

The picture is definitely me....what is he doing?! It was when we went on a date late at night near Han river, he snapped my shadow on the floor and the caption written in korean “it’s a butterfly”... omg it was a line from a movie I did, it was one of the highlights of the film as it was the tearjerker.

I don’t have time for this. My manager walks towards me and sits down ‘judging by your face you’ve seen the article.... don’t pay attention! Just go out there and pretend you’ve seen nothing’ he states. I nod slowly and sit there in silence, we broke up like nearly a month ago... why would he post this after not even trying to talk to me. Boys are so weird! I start playing games on my phone to take my mind off this distraction. I look at the time and see if I still have time for a snack bc of nerves, I don’t so I make my way to the couches. I stop and bow to the whole cast and sit on the seat, we’re all making small talk till it starts. In the interview they ask us foreigners about how we first came to Korea, how we learnt the language and first impressions of Korea when we first came. Another black person famous in Korea, Sam from Ghana was there we had so much in common. I laughed so much and we all had so much fun.

We spoke a bit about our work and I explained what my new drama was about and my character. We watched a little snippet again and some bloopers.

‘So y/n we hear you’re now single’ one of the hosts ask. Oh no....ok I’ve got this ‘yeah i am’ I smile acting like this isn’t bothering me at all. ‘Was that your first time dating a korean man?’ I nodded ‘it was’

Oohs and ahhs came from them all ‘so hows it different to guys back home?’ I think for a little bit ‘to be honest there’s not a lot of difference just the language difference I guess’ I say calmly. They nodded in agreement ‘were there any difficulties with the language barrier?’ I sigh to show them how exhausted I was in the beginning ‘oh yes, I couldn’t speak a lot of korean back when we first met. He could speak English though so I was good! But when I met his friends and family....’ I trail off a bit thinking about those times, No focus! ‘I was forced to speak so bit by bit I got better so it was awkward at first but it paid off in the end.... free korean lessons’ i say content with my answer. Sam pipes in ‘oh my I spent so much on korean lessons before I got into my first relationship!’ ‘Should’ve got in a relationship quicker’ I reply. We all laughed at his shocked face.

The show ends with a game where we guess a catchphrase by what the artist is drawing.

After the show me and Sam exchange numbers, he’s too funny to not have as a friend.

~~~~

I’m done for the day, I tell my manager I need food or else I’m going to collapse. We get pizza and fries, they drop me off home and I get undressed and ready for bed. I have a day off tomorrow so I planned to stay up late and watch my favourite shows but I’m exhausted. I hear my phone go off and it’s an unfamiliar number.... I pick up ‘hello?’ I hear breathing and just as I’m about to say hello again ‘hey y/n....’ bobby! After being together for so long I know his voice! After we broke up I blocked his number and got back to work... he probably changed it. ‘Hello?!’ Bobby says trying to see if I’m still there. ‘Bobby... what do you want?’ I get straight to the point, he sighs ‘y/n don’t...please... I just wanna see how you are! I watched you today on inkigayo’ is he being foreal? Calling as if we’re best friends catching up at the end of the day. ‘Bobby is there something you want?’ I’m tired ‘I-‘ I cut him off ‘I saw your Ig post, what was that for?’ I question. All I heard was silence, I had to pull the phone to my face so I could see whether the phone call had disconnected.

‘I wanted to talk to you...’ he started I stayed quiet he takes a deep breath ‘y/n I’m not gonna lie and say that this break up has been easy...’ oh no ‘...it really hasn’t! I just want you to give me...’ here he comes!!! ‘...one more chance’ he said it. I don’t know what to do, of course I still love him but we just to in love... so in love that we were just distracting each other from our jobs. ‘I... don’t think that’s the best option right now b’ I say quietly, I’m angry at him for ignoring me for so long and now he wants to pop up in his own time, when it’s convenient for him. ‘...I’m so busy these days... I don’t think I can handle a boyfriend, an ex at that.... right at this moment’ he sighs again, ‘you don’t think I’m busy too?’ He’s frustrated and quite frankly I don’t care ‘Don’t start with me bobby, you broke up with me, ignored me for how long and NOW you want me back?’ I state the facts to him. He groans ‘I know! And it was stupid of me, I made a dumb decision on impulse... and now I regret it every damn day!’

I re ask him ‘why did you upload that picture?’ ‘Because I wanted you to see it and the whole world to see that I’m not giving up on you, on our relationship! I don’t want anyone else’ my heart flutters a little and I hate him and me for being so weak to his sweet words.

‘I’ll think about it’ I tell him. ‘Don’t run and hide from me y/n!’ He says something I was sure I was gonna do ‘I won’t, I just need some time... this is too much for me’

‘I seen the trailer for your new drama.... I’ve been keeping up with you in the media, I’m proud of you’ I hear his smile through his words. I’ve been keeping up with him too, I won’t tell him that though ‘Thanks’ I whisper. After a few moments of silence ‘I’ll let you get to sleep now.... but don’t forget me, take everything I said into consideration.... I really want you back here with me baby’ omg I just want to forget everything and tell him to come here right this minute but that would be dumb. I just settle for a simple ‘ok’ we exchange good nights and I fall asleep really thinking about what’d it be like if we did get back together or were we better off separated.

Part 2 coming soon (black people timing)

[annakie]

Thoughts on a DW Rewatch & Mass Effect replay.

So I’m in the Eleven / Clara half-season now.

Also I’m now replaying Andromeda.  I have thoughts, about both.  I’ll start with Doctor Who then label it when I get to Mass Effect stuff.

Oh my God this gets long and rambly.  Apparently, I have a lot of thoughts.

So, season 702... I’m ready for it to be over.  I miss the Ponds.  I felt like most of the first half of this season was pretty great, honestly.  I’d forgotten how fun some of those episodes were, I think at the time we were anticipating a new companion so heavily that it was harder to appreciate those episodes?  I feel like there was a lot of criticism levied towards them that now I felt like was a bit too much.  The western episode was kinda meh but still not bad.

I’m not sure what exactly it is about these Clara / Eleven episodes that I’m still not connecting with but I’m in the middle of the Crimson Horror episode (which is a Vastra/Jenny/Strax heavy episode and enjoying it more than anything else so far this half-season.  

*edit later* NOPE NOPE NOPE I’D FORGOTTEN HOW THE DOCTOR FORCES A KISS ON JENNY.  GROSS.  SUPER GROSS.  SHE’S A MARRIED WOMAN, A LESBIAN AND DID NOT CONSENT TO ANY OF THIS.  BAD DOCTOR, BAD.

Honestly even with some excellent guest start acting, the Russian Submarine episode was STILL a slog and the ghosts in the 1950′s episode no better.  Like they still weren’t ridiculous and unwatchable but... just didn’t feel fun or interesting at all?  The Journey to the Center of the TARDIS episode was decent, and I felt like that wasn’t nearly as cool as it should have been..

I remember reading a criticism of these episodes early on where they said that the biggest fault is that they failed to give Clara any real characterization or solid personality other than “girl the Doctor is obsessed with”.  She’s SUPER IMPORTANT but not only do we not know why at this point but it really doesn’t feel... earned?  I don’t recall it ever feeling earned that Clara was supposedly always so important?  “The most importantest companion EVAR!”  

And as someone who stanned the hell out of a character who was hated in the fandom for “replacing” a previous companion I’m checking myself to make sure it’s still not because I Miss the Ponds.  Like, I don’t HATE Clara, I just, at least at this point in the rewatch, can’t find any reason to really LOVE her?  She’s there, she’s fine, Jenna-Louise Coleman is doing a great job with what they’re giving to her but... I don’t know.  It all feels... off.

I had forgotten all about the “the Doctor rides a motorcycle up the side of a skyscraper” moment and something hit me in that moment that made me remember that wow people hated that moment.  It felt really... shark-jumpy somehow.  

I love Eleven, but this half-season isn’t connecting with me, AT ALL. It feels like the writers just went and dug through a bunch of rejected script ideas, polished them up and were likle “let’s just do this until Matt Smith is gone.”  I’m anxious to get to Twelve.

Mass Effect Stuff

OK TECHNICALLY I haven’t finished ME3.  I still need to do the party and the goodbye scene, (Citadel Epiloge Mod installed) but I’ve gotten all the Stuff and done all the missions in the arena.  I just wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye yet, so I started Andromeda a bit early.

-----------------

OK look I had a point I wanted to make and never quite got where I wanted to go with it right here.  I’m too tired of trying to fix it, so this stands as written.

This playthrough had me ruminating a lot on Kaidan and Garrus.  I really love both of those characters, though in my heart I’ll always primarily love Kaidan, I’ve done the Garrus romance and wouldn’t mind playing that character again to see the romance one more time.  In ME1, I bring Kaidan everywhere all the time, and pick which other companion I bring to the story-based missions based on what I know is gonna happen like I’m sure most people do.  Wrex for Therum, Tali for Feros (though I REALLY wish you could switch before going to see the Thorian), Liara for Noveria, Ashley on Virmire, Garrus for Ilos/Endgame.  I rotate through all five for sidemissions.  

In ME2, Garrus is my always-bring companion, with Garrus + Miranda being my favorite team.  Except after the Omega relay, where characters with Throw really shine with all those husks running at us, Jack holds the bubble, and Miranda and Thane, who both have Warp to help take down the Reaper Baby, are the preferred team.  Also so Miranda can tell TIM to fuck off.

Then in ME3, once the game opens up, Garrus is back on the perma-team, with a preference towards bringing Liara along... until we get Kaidan back.  And then I realized I didn’t bring him to a single thing except a side mission or two until Earth.  Mostly, this is because I’m following the Kaidan Banter guide and it turns out Garrus is a real banter hog for most of the missions.  At leat he’s not James, who I literally never use unless I’m going on an N7 mission and feel bad that I haven’t taken him off the Normandy in awhile.  I mean, even Javik gets more play.  Also EDI doesnt leave the Normandy til near the end when all of a sudden she gets real important.  

But Garrus is always on the team for Priority Earth.  And that always felt like the way the main game should end, with your two favorites.  (Also what kind of monster wouldn’t bring Wrex to the combat-centric areas of Citadel DLC?  I keep thinking I should have runs where I bring other people but... Wrex is my other fave and we don’t get him with us AT ALL since ME1.)  

I love Garrus, so much.  And I was thinking with this whole parallel DW rewatch / Mass Effect replay think I’m doing right now how both Rose Tyler and Garrus Vakaraian are characters that were ruined for me for awhile due to their respective... overly enthusiastic fanbases who a small percentage of were dicks to people who loved other characters.  The Kaidan tag (and from what I understand Thane got some of this too, but not nearly as bad) was a pretty hostile place for awhile (and yeah I used to check the Garrus tag too and there was a small amount of tag-invasion there but uh, like 5% of what the Kaidan tag got) which made loving the character of Garrus a lot harder for awhile.  But when actually watching seasons 1 & 2 / the end of 4 of DW, or actually playing the games, those characters are awesome.  

Fanbases can be amazing or terrible, and time and time again I think you start to realize that no matter how great a fandom is, there are going to be a few people who can only enjoy themselves by feeding on drama, or on lifting up what they love by stomping on other people/characters/plotlines.  Going back through my blog reminded me that even the TAH fandom had some of this, with a small percentage of fans being real dicks to two prominent female characters in favor of their favorite ship, which soured even that just a tiny bit.  

It’s not fair to characterize everyone who loves a popular thing as someone who does this.  It’s also hard to avoid completely because there will always be jerks, or young/new people who don’t realize what bad form they’re showing.  I did learn by trying to fight it for a year or two, that responding might help that one person not do it again, but it’s not going to stop overall.  Maybe yelling a lot about Martha Jones did change some people’s minds.  It still isn’t that good of a look now, even knowing that in general I was pretty polite and logical about it.  I might respond to an odd comment now and again in some favorite character tags, but in general, turns out that kind of fight just isn’t worth it.

And those fights seem so stupid in the light of everything else happening in the world today.

Anyway, don’t be a dick about the things you don’t like.  

-----------------------

I also wanted to say, and I know I said it in a few other posts about this ME3 playthrough, but seriously I cannot believe how much ME3 is a changed game because of the modders.  I cannot imagine ever playing ME3 again without these mods.  There were so many small things that I kept thinking I should take note of to talk about and I’m sure I forgot 90% of them, but there’s things like... adding in mentions of the Andromeda Initiative, closing a few plotholes, mentioning Emily Wong, adding in many more Spectre console options which end up having their own plotlines, adding in an entire plotline about the VI civilization that had previously only been talked about in like, social media or Cerberus News Network posts, having the Normandy be so much more populated, seeing so many more other species on the Citadel with more variety in clothing for those species that have clothing / could have more variety, way more female Turians.... every time I play ME3 the game is more and more like the game we wanted when it came out.  

I am kind of itching to go back and replay it even now.

But hey, instead, its time to talk about Andromeda.

-------------------------

So first of all, yes, mods for Andromeda.  A few appearance mods, a lot of convenience mods.  

After having recently played DA:I and I think Andromeda and DA:I are a lot more similar than Andromeda and the previous trilogy, I had decided it was time to cut down on the stupid stuff Andromeda does, like “Oh, you want minerals?  Spend 10 minutes in each mining zone finding the PERFECT place to gather materials or you’re fucked”  No, thanks.  I’ll mine but give me that “one probe placed anywhere and you’re done” mod.  

Make the modifications and crafting materials I use actually matter. 2% damage increase is nothing.  Make my squadmates not suck because I remember doing 90% of the work myself before and that got exhausting with the number of spawns.  

I tried to not go overboard so things feel like cheating, but there’s enough out there to just get rid of the stupid stuff, and it’s nice.  And works together a lot easier than the DA:I mods did.

One thing I did do was install the Multiple Romance Mod.  I enjoyed it in DA:I, even though ultimately I only did 2 full romances.  I am **NOT** romancing Gil or Cora with the mod, I just wanted to experience all the content available for female Ryders at once, since I’m not going to have the energy to replay this 100+ hour game enough times to see every romance on its own.  So I am poly-romancing Liam, Jaal, Vetra, Suvi, Peebee, Keri, and if it lets me, Reyes when it’s time.  

I’ve only gotten all the way through Andromeda once (where I romanced Liam)  My second playthrough was right after my first and stalled out about halfway through (was romancing Jaal.)  It was one of those “I’m totally gonna get back to this! (She didn’t.)” things.  I’m gonna be honest, I enjoyed the Liam romance and was enjoying the Jaal romance, I’d done a fling with Reyes but not the full romance my first time through and the fling with PeeBee on my second.  Reyes was probably my favorite out of all of them.  So this time I decided.. let’s see which I love the most, all at once.  I don’t know if I’ll do this in the future, but this game is too long to not see all the content I wanna see, TBH.  

And you know, I still really do like Andromeda.  It’s a GOOD game.  And I’m forever going to be mad that we’re not going to see how this story ends.  This story deserved to finish being told.  Like, there are a lot of very legit criticisms about Andromeda, but it didn’t deserve the harshness it got.  And the worst thing about it, and DA:I both is that... there’s just a little TOO MUCH of it.  100 hours is an amazing amount of game but... it’s also just too much.  For now I’m not trying to 100% this playthrough.  My plan is on each planet to get the planet to 100%, take out the Kett or whatever major base, the Remnant Architect, and yeah probably clear out the sidequests that show up on the map, but fuck quests that are like “visit random Kett camps until you find the right datapads that don’t show up on the map!” or “scan random blobs in the forest that don’t show up on the map!”  

So like, do the content, not the filler.  

I still hate the vaults.  The first one is cool.  The rest are tedious.  But they’re mandatory.

I love everyone on this spaceship though.  They did the Tempest stuff SO WELL.  All the companions I think are... good?  There’s no one I don’t like, even the non-squadmate shipmates ship have so much interaction and so much to do/say.  It’s not like “a bunch of randos and Joker, with occasional appearances by Chakwas and the Engineers”  There’s no randos, it’s just a few people you have real interactions with, and its great.

The lack of enough beds in the bedroom will never not annoy me.  There’s 4 beds for... Lexi, Liam, Cora, Suvi, Kallo, Vetra and Gil?  Even if Liam slept on his couch, and Vetra put a bed in her supply room... still doesn’t add up.  What, do Salarains not sleep or something?  Does Lexi sleep in a medical bed?!?  Peebee sleeps in the escape pod, Jaal brings a bed with him, and Drack’s like “Eh I’ll just sleep in the kitchen”.  WHAT?  THE KITCHEN?

I mean sure there weren’t enough beds, even with the sleeper pods, on the Normandy either, but somehow that was less disturbing.  

Also, I know you’re supposed to HATE Director Tann but I love Kumail Nanjiani so I find it hard to be a total dick to him, even if he usually deserves it.  If he wasn’t an anti-Krogan racist I think it’d be easier to like him.  He was thrown into a pretty shitty situation and... did actually hold things together for some time.  He’s not doing anything out of malice.  He’s a dick, but also doing what he needs to do to keep the Initiatiave going.  Oh, except for being a anti-krogan racist.  (Honestly, I also think  “until he turned Cerberus Udina was just doing his job pretty well” too, so...)

Taking some screenshots as I go.  I mostly just take screenshots for me now.  I have a few thousands screenshots from a dozen or more games rotating through my desktop background, and I keep adding to it, and love it.

Anyway, I’ve gotten Eos, Voeld and Havral to 100%.  Time to go save the Moeshe.  I’m having fun.  

*edit from later* I’d forgotten that... idk if the dialog they recorded for Jaal was the first thing they recorded for him or they used a different VA or what but on the Save the Moshe mission his voice is VERY DIFFERENT and oh man, that is still bad.

Might take a break for when Onslaught comes out for SWTOR, though.  I haven’t really played SWTOR in months. Oops.

[thisdayinfavrd]

March 19, 2009

It just now occurs to me that dropping the 'n' from '-ation' will make any word sexier. Try it. Elatio. Constipatio. Most words sexier.   @lonelysandwich (Adam Lisagor) – 83

The butcher on the cover of Ellie's Richard Scarry book is a pig. Slicing a sausage. Smiling.   This will never stop seeming awesome to me.   @hotdogsladies (Merlin Mann) – 71

How am I supposed to get you in the mood with my striptease when I can't hear the Air Supply over your screaming?   @fireland (Joshua Allen) – 70

To bring old and new media even closer together, I think TV new anchors should say "please retweet" after every sentence.   @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 52

I adjust levels on photographs like I do an audio equalizer; with no clue about what I'm doing.   @SeoulBrother (SeoulBrother) – 51

Give me a few more weeks and I'm pretty sure I'll know the definition of Widget and Twitter Search.   @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 51

My neighbor's grass isn't really greener than mine, but he does have a nicer car. And his cat really seems to respect him.   @crispycracka (Christy Ann) – 50

Two fire trucks collided in front of our house. Jonas is really excited. This is a 5 year old boy thing and not a Dexter thing, right?   @AmyJane (Amy Jane Gruber) – 48

Just turned the Internet over and read the ingredients. Not surprisingly, the first three are HTML, porn and narcissism. But #4 is sorghum?   @Moltz (Moltz) – 48

You say "po-TAH-to", I say "cun-ni-LING-us"-  Wait.  What are YOU talking about?  What song?  There's a song about potatoes and cunnilingus?   @sween (Jason Sweeney) – 47

People who make fun of West Virginia have clearly never been to Indiana.   @CcSteff (Stephanie) – 44

I am officially crappy at taking Twitter breaks. Maybe I should livetweet my next one.   @CranberryPerson (N/A) – 43

Email is an OK medium for communication, but where it really shines is miscommunication.   @tj (Fun Size Bytes) – 42

I corrected someone's grammar IN MY DREAM LAST NIGHT.  I am insufferable even when I'm sleeping.   @Tony_D (Tony Delgrosso) – 40

There once was a user on Favrd / Whose tweets I consistently savrd / It's not you I mean / Your posts are obscene / You narcissistic twat.   @biorhythmist (matt) – 38

A client calls at noon and I answer in my just-woke-up voice. Makes it hard to sustain the illusion that my time is extremely valuable.   @lonelysandwich (Adam Lisagor) – 38

I've never started shit with a waitress before.  But I think this bitch just accused me of being from Minnesota.  Know what it is? It is on.   @phyllisstein (Blight Christmas) – 37

Anyone else noticed that there is about ONE MILLION PERCENT more hyperbole online than there used to be?   @nostrich (nostrich) – 37

I'm supposed to be spending more quality time with the baby, so we're shopping at PETCO for her brand new hamster exercise ball.   @thedayhascome (Josh Hopkins) – 36

Is it too early for lunch? How about retirement?   @badbanana (Tim Siedell) – 33

[lasersheith]

Part Two of This Tattoo AU request from @kenobrea ! <3

From the prompt:  "mutually pining Keith and Shiro with matching tattoos (something that’s meaningful to them specifically)... that they got separately, without realizing they were getting matching tattoos"

Also on AO3 in full here

It wasn't like Keith to be late. Shiro checked his watch again, 12 minutes past the start of their VA group therapy session. It had been months since the two of them had met on this very sidewalk, both loitering outside, unsure of whether or not to go to that first meeting. Keith had been the one to finally coax them inside, looking him in the eyes and saying “I'll go in if you'll go in.”

Every week since then, barring a few where one or both had been out of town, they met each other outside and walked in together. It felt ridiculous, but Shiro felt his heart speed up uncomfortably at the thought of walking in alone. He checked his phone. The only message he had from Keith was the one he'd gotten late last night. “Made it back home safe! See ya @ group tmrw.” He frowned and shoved his phone back in his pocket.

He breathed in, squared his shoulders and stood up as tall as he could before letting the breath out. It was just a building. He'd walked into and out of several buildings nearly every day of his life for the past 30 years. He could do this. He took another slow, deep breath. His hand hovered over the doorknob. He dropped it back by his side. He'd give Keith just a few more minutes.

Just as the thought crossed his mind, he heard the unmistakable sound of Keith's motorcycle turn the corner. He smiled and walked to the edge of the curb where Keith had parked. “Hey! You waited.” Keith said with a smile after pulling off his helmet. It had only been just over a week since Shiro had seen him, but he'd missed Keith a wholly disproportionate amount. “Of course I waited.”

Keith set his helmet on the bike and pulled Shiro into a loose hug. Both of their cheeks tinged pink as they stood, a respectful several inches apart, facing each other on the sidewalk. “Should we?” Keith nodded to the door. “Oh. Right, yeah.” Shiro replied with a laugh. They walked up to the entrance and Keith smiled as Shiro held the door open for him.

They walked in as the coordinator was speaking in response to someone's shared story. She greeted them with a warm smile but didn't stop her moving speech to the rest of the circle. Once she was finished, she looked over at them. “Keith and Shiro, good to see you're back this week.” She said sweetly. Shiro smiled and nodded towards her briefly, he wasn't much for talking during these meetings. “Thank you, ma'am. Er… Colleen.” Keith responded with a warm smile of his own.

“Anything either of you would like to share?” She asked. Keith nodded and stood up, pulling up the back of his shirt. “I was late because I was getting this touched up. It's number 20 and my absolute favorite so far.” The lion in between his shoulder blades looked almost like it could have been a heavily filtered photograph. The colors were less tan and orange like an actual lion and more stylized, rich reds and faded auburn with flecks of black throughout his mane.

It was gorgeous. Shiro's mouth dropped open a little at the sight. Several others in the circle told him how great it looked and he passed out a few of Allura's cards to those that were interested. “And my business trip went really well. I had one pretty bad nightmare in the hotel but uh.” He looked to the side over at Shiro. “I called a friend and made it through just fine.” Several polite claps and words of encouragement from a few members ended Keith's share. “That's great Keith, I'm glad to hear you're dealing with your dreams better.” Her knowing smile and pointed look in Shiro's direction had Keith’s cheeks turning a shade of red to match his new lion.

“And how about you, Shiro? Anything to share?” Shiro had shared once at group. His third session. He didn't come back for two weeks afterwards, not until Keith had tracked him down and practically dragged him. It always seemed to help just to listen. Just to know he wasn't alone. Keith looked over at him with sympathetic eyes, as if to say it's ok if you don't want to. No one's making you. Shiro cleared his throat.

“Actually uhm,” Colleen's eyebrows shot up a little as he spoke. “My doctor said that my arm is finally healed enough to get fitted with a prosthetic, so…” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked up and away from everyone. “It's pretty high tech, too. I'm excited to be able to tie my own shoes again.” He said with a self-deprecating laugh, wiggling his laceless boots out in front of his chair for a moment. “Congratulations! I'm sure that will help with your recovery tremendously. Do you want to share some more thoughts about it?” Colleen asked gently once the din of the other participants died down. “No thanks.” Shiro answered, a little too quickly.

Keith looked over at him with a broad grin. He purposely hadn't mentioned it the few times they'd talked when he was gone so that he could surprise Keith at the session. His pulse thrummed in his neck for the rest of the meeting, the adrenaline of speaking up in front of everyone taking its sweet time to dissipate. After a few more shares and some more encouraging words from Colleen, the meeting adjourned.

“Lunch?” Keith asked as he strode over to his bike and slid on his helmet. Shiro opened the storage bag clipped onto the bike and pulled on the extra helmet Keith always kept there. “Do you mind heading to my place first? There's something I wanted to show you.” Shiro replied, sliding onto the bike behind him, arm wrapped firmly around Keith's waist. Keith answered with a nod and a rev of the engine as he started off on the few blocks to Shiro's apartment.

Once they arrived, Keith parked his bike next to Shiro's shiny black car. “So how long until you get the new prosthetic?” Keith asked as they walked towards his door. “And how long after that until I can drive the Camaro again?” Shiro replied, teasingly. “What!? It's a beautiful car. She deserves to be driven more than a block a week in first gear.” Shiro laughed as he unlocked the door to his apartment. “Well Matt's hopeless at stick and he's not learning in my baby.” Shiro said firmly. Keith laughed and followed him inside.

“My offer still stands, by the way.” Shiro said quietly once they were inside. “I'll think about it.” Keith's answer came out quick and clipped, his tone not matching his words. He couldn't quite articulate why, but even though on the surface it seemed like taking the car out for a spin would be fun and helpful, it just felt wrong. “So what did you want to show me?” He asked, changing the subject as quickly as possible. Shiro's shy smile made his stomach flutter. “Wait right there.” He said as he walked into his bedroom, leaving Keith standing in the living room. Matt's shoes and favorite hoodie weren't by the door, Keith noted. It was unusual for him not to be here when they got back from lunch after group.

Shiro emerged from the bedroom shirtless, with a towel draped over his right shoulder, covering half of his chest. Keith raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. Shiro pulled the towel away with a cheeky “tah-dah!” and Keith's eyes widened. He couldn't help but take the few steps to close the gap between them, holding a hand out just over the plastic-wrapped ink on Shiro's chest. “This is…” Keith couldn't make his brain form the rest of the thought as he stared at the tattoo.

It was bigger than Keith's, taking up most of Shiro's right pectoral, ending just under his collarbone. Allura had captured the air of reserved nobility in the lion’s posture and expression perfectly. The mane had been so thoughtfully drawn, blowing in the wind, that Keith was almost a little surprised at not feeling a light breeze himself. He licked his lips, deep in thought. “So what do you think?” Shiro asked after a few moments, pulling Keith out of his own buzzing mind.

“We… we match.” He replied incredulously. Shiro let a quiet, uncomfortable laugh. “Yeah, I didn't realize you were planning on getting that done.” Keith finally looked up at him, eyes wide and a little misty. “It…” He swallowed hard and tried again. “It looks perfect. I love it.” Shiro held his gaze, the softly spoken words taking their sweet time to process in his mind. So many things struck his senses all at once; Keith was standing so close he could feel the heat radiating off of him, the look on Keith's face that Shiro had seen many times before and not been able to grasp, the sweet smell of leather mixed with his cologne and the honey vanilla air freshener in the corner of the room, the edge of the cliff he'd been teetering on for months.

Shiro's eyes flitted to Keith's lips for the briefest of moments, but that was all it took for his careful balancing act to crumble. He leaned down, closed his eyes, and pressed their lips together, as softly and gently as if Keith were made of a thin sheet of ice that he was desperate not to crack. But Keith wasn't ice, he was fire, and Shiro's gentle breeze had stoked those flames into an inferno. Carefully avoiding the plastic-wrapped section of his torso, Keith splayed one hand over Shiro's chest and gripped the back of his neck with the other to pull them closer.

Shiro's hand kept them from crashing into the wall as Keith pulled them together and backwards. The heated exchange lasted until Shiro's chest burned for more air. He pulled back only far enough to rest his forehead against Keith's as their breaths evened out. Keith sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. He opened his eyes and saw Shiro’s tentatively hopeful smile and couldn’t help but laugh. “So…” Shiro trailed off, looking at the ground between them. “So?” Keith asked, ducking down so Shiro was looking at him again. Shiro lifted his head and let out a clipped laugh of his own. “Lunch?” He shrugged. Keith smiled. “Just like that? Doesn’t that seem a little too easy?” Shiro opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to come up with the words to say. “Everything with you is easy.”

Keith smiled up at him and the glint in his eyes told Shiro that he’d picked the right ones. “Alright. Lunch date it is.” He pressed his hand to Shiro’s chest again. “And not that I’m complaining about the view, but you should probably put a shirt on first.” Shiro shook his head while he laughed. “Yeah, ok.” He grumbled as he headed back to the bedroom.

BONUS SCENES

Matt

“Wow holy crap, that looks amazing!” Matt gawked as he inspected the fresh ink on Shiro’s chest. “I know, the artist is so great! She does Keith’s work a lot so she really nailed his style. I’m so happy with it.” Shiro was beaming, despite having just sat in a chair for two hours while someone stabbed him repeatedly. Matt shuddered at the thought. “She has a whole wall of pictures with her customers, too, check this out.” He pulled out his phone and opened his recent photos. “Holy shit.” He breathed as he looked at the woman in the picture. She was easily the most breathtakingly gorgeous woman he’d ever seen in his life. “I think I want a tattoo.” Matt blurted out.

Shiro’s eyebrows nearly touched his hairline. “Matt, you almost cried last week when you got a papercut. I don’t know if a tattoo is right for you.” Matt scoffed. “It was for dramatic effect!” He declared emphatically. (It hadn’t been, it was a cardboard cut and those are nearly lethal, thank you very much.) Shiro looked at him skeptically before taking his phone back and texting Matt the details of her shop.

The next day, Matt swung by on his way home from the lab. The shop was bustling with activity, 4 people were waiting in the front office area and Matt could hear the sound of the tattoo gun buzzing in the back. A bored teenager was sitting up at the front desk playing on her phone. “Hi.” Matt said cheerfully, snapping her to attention. “Oh. Hey! Do you uh have an appointment?” She greeted with a wooden smile. “No, actually, I was hoping to make one.” The fake-smile stayed in place as she scrolled through the calendar on the computer at the desk. “Allura’s next available is Thursday at 2pm.” Matt nodded. Was he really going to get a consultation for a tattoo just to meet a pretty girl? He swallowed hard. Yes, apparently. “Ok, great, sign me up!” He answered, just a little loudly. She looked up and gave him a funny look but took his name and phone number for the appointment booking.

..

Thursday at 1:55pm found Matt sitting in his car in the parking lot, absolutely not hyperventilating. Ok maybe he was. Just a little. The song he was listening to finished so he had officially run out of excuses to stay in the car. He walked on shaking legs into now quiet shop and the sight of Allura behind the desk filled him with resolve. He strode over as confidently as he could muster and did his best cool-guy-lean against the counter. “Hey there, you must be Allura. I’m your 2 o’clock.” She smiled at him and this time when his legs wobbled it had nothing to do with his (completely rational, thank you) fear of needles. “Ah, you must be Matt. What can I do for you?” She replied pleasantly. “Shiro’s a good buddy of mine, he came in not too long ago and I was just so impressed with your work I had to stop by and see about getting something.” Her eyes lit up.

“Oh, thank you so much! Shiro’s work turned out lovely, I’m so glad he’s showing it off.” Matt returned her smile. “Yeah, especially with Keith around all the time now it’s like hey buddy, have you ever heard of shirts? ” She giggled at his joke and he felt more of the tension ease out of his body. “So uh, don’t laugh, but I had this silly idea…” He pulled out his phone and showed her a picture. She did laugh, quite hard, but it appeared to be genuine instead of mocking. “What do you think?” He asked, feeling the anxiety slowly creep up his spine again. “I think it suits you, I love it!” She answered with no hesitation.

(He didn’t cry at all, and only almost passed out once)

..

When Shiro came home that night, it was to a grinning, shirtless Matt sitting at the kitchen table. He had completely expected Matt to chicken out, but apparently he’d been wrong. “Ok, what’d you decide on?” Matt started laughing (cackling really) even before he turned around. There, on his left shoulder, permanently and prominently forever for all of posterity, sat the worst tattoo Shiro had ever seen. Lord of the Memes it proclaimed boldly, in the font used in the films. A golden ring glowing with gorgeous Elvish lettering sat in the background of the text. It was an incredibly well done tattoo, artistically speaking. “I’m putting this on r/ATBGE for sure.” Shiro said as he snapped a photo. “Whatever, you’re just jealous.” Matt said with another laugh. “Oh and check this out.” He said, handing him one of Allura’s business cards. There was something there in the same elvish script, a crudely drawn anatomical sketch of a heart, and a phone number. “It says “call me” in Elvish. How freaking cool is that?” Shiro shook his head and sighed. “Good luck, man.” He patted Matt on the other shoulder as he made his way to his bedroom.

The Zoo

“That one kinda reminds me of you.” Keith said quietly as he sketched. Shiro looked away from the lions and back over to where Keith was sitting next to him on the bench. “The big one?” He asked as he peeked at the lines on the page. Keith didn’t like him to look at his drawings before they were finished, but Shiro always found a way to sneak a few previews. “Yeah, he’s got this… I don’t know. Like, he just commands respect, but also I kinda wanna go pet him.” Keith murmured absent-mindedly. Shiro blushed at how matter-of-fact Keith was frequently, and that observation was no exception.

“I dunno.” Shiro said, chuckling under his breath, looking at his empty sleeve forlornly. He chuckled a little under his breath. “I feel a lot more like the dopey three-legged dog that nobody at the shelter wants to adopt.” Keith put his pencil down and looked up at Shiro. Shiro was staring straight ahead at the lions exhibit, but Keith wasn’t sure if he was seeing it at all. “Shiro…” Keith said quietly, putting a hand on his right shoulder. He didn’t move his hand even as Shiro flinched slightly. “You’re not some abandoned pet. You have so many people who are here for you, who care about you.” He looked down at the concrete in between the slats of the bench. “Like me.” It came out so softly Shiro wasn’t sure he’d really heard it at all.

“Hey,” He said with a sad smile as he turned his head back towards Keith again. “I didn’t mean to turn this into a pity-party. I hope you know how grateful I am that you’re here.” His voice came out softly, but sincerely. “Just… don’t ever think that you’re not a lion. Because you are.” Shiro’s smile widened and lost a bit of its sad edge. “Thanks, Keith.” Keith returned his newly brightened smile and went back to his sketches.

[balancebeans]

Day 2:  Modern AU • Hurt/comfort

college students Kravitz and Taako

@taakitzweek

The ocean breeze blows salty air into their hair as they walk together down the coast, holding hands and giggling like children, giddy and overexcited.  Taako has a bottle of bourbon in his jacket, and Kravitz has been swiping drinks from it all night—more than he’s ever drunk before. But he feels so safe, so at ease with Taako, he doesn’t mind that he’s getting sloppy and tripping over his feet.  

“Whoa there, cowboy, get your ducks in a row, yo-you’re like a sorority girl over here.” Kravitz stumbles over Taako, but he catches him, and keeps him up: he’s stronger than he looks.  He’s a lot of things that he doesn’t look like, and Kravitz thanks every power in the universe for every surprise that Taako gives him.  

“I’m fine, just a li-hic-ittle drunk.”  Taako only smiles, dopey and glad.  He doesn’t feel the need to be so guarded, so, walls up around Kravitz.  Talking to him, letting him have little pieces of himself, is so, so scary, and so exhilarating.  Because Kravitz is so excited about every little opportunity to spend time with him, to touch and kiss him, and he’s so respectful of what Taako wants, and.  Ah fuck, he is really falling for this guy.  

They sit together on the beach, sand in their toes, while some music plays from Taako’s phone.  

“I never had you pegged for much of an alternative music guy, Taako.”

“I can play something cl-classical, or some Carly Rae Jepsen if you want.  Whatever you think us science nerds listen too.”

“No, you just—you surprise me all over the place.”

“I hope in a good way,” Taako jokes, a little self-conscious.

“Always—always in a good way.”

With that, Taako pushes himself forward, towards Kravitz’s face until their faces are very close and their lips part for each other.  Kravitz practically climbs on top of Taako, pressing himself close, and pushes away all the space between them.  If you asked either of them at the beginning of the quarter, if after three years of being unlucky in love on  campus that they would be making out with their maybe boyfriend on the beach, giggly and drunk, they would’ve scoffed and turned back to their studies: they have scholarships to keep up.  But crazier things have happened.  

Taako breaks away from their making out to make a point:

“I’m not having sex with you on the beach.”

“Ok.”  Kravitz says, with a nervous laugh.  

“Not because I don’t like having sex with you: you, your body, your dick, it’s a bomb package, re-really.  I’m not having sex on the beach less than two months into—ta dating a guy.”

“Well, then, I know what I’m planning for two weeks and five days from now.”

“You would have a count down to the day, you big dork.”

“You think it’s hot, nerd.”  Kravitz retorts.  Taako can only give him another kiss, to confirm, that yes, he does think it’s hot.  Kravitz plants his hands behind him to support their weight while Taako straddles him, brushing his hair behind his ears before going in for more making out.  Taako presses himself forward, seated in Kravitz’s lap, and is basically grinding into him.  Not that he’s complaining.  But he does remark:

“No sex on the beach, huh?”

“This is still firmly in foreplay territory, my dude.”

“Mmm, uh-huh.  Whatever you say, darling.”  Kravtiz takes the bottle from Taako and takes another swig from it; Taako does the same before they share another kiss.  And another, and another.  

“How are you doing back there, Krav?”

“So—wow.  Very wow.”

“Wow, you are really wasted, aren’t you.”  

“I—I don’t usually drink a lot…” Kravitz says into Taako’s shoulder, kissing him there.  “And I never really developed a tolerance.”

“Never much of a drinker?”

“No, I didn’t even start when I was 21, I couldn’t, I had my first real few drinks when I was—26?  Even then, I didn’t make much of a habit of it, never had more than 3 or 4 drinks.”

“Wait, 26?”

“Yeah, I uh—yeah.”  Kravitz was kind of sheepish now, and has stopped kissing Taako, much to his dismay.  

“Wait,” Taako asks, realizing.  “How old are you then?”

“I was—um, I’m 28, birthday in February.”  

“You’re 28?”  Taako asks, incredulous.  “Hachi machi, talk about super senior over here.”

“I mean—“ Kravitz starts with a laugh.

“You should’ve told me I was dating a dinosaur.”  Taako teases, running a hand down his chest. “A very cute dinosaur, but still.”

“Yeah, I had—I started college, and like half way through my sophomore year, I had to take a year off and uh—I got pretty sick, and then I got, pretty depressed about being pretty sick, and then, five years later, I realized I should.  Go do what I love.  What makes me happy.  Saved up a little, came back to college to study music.”   Kravitz averts his gaze, looking at the ocean behind Taako, while Taako searches his face.  This is suddenly serious.  

“Well are—are you okay?  Or, uh, are you better, at least?”

“Yes, no, yeah, I’m okay, I just take some medications and, see a bunch of doctors.  It’s manageable.  Or, now it is.” Kravitz says with a shrug.  Something pulls at Taako’s chest as Kravitz speaks, the waver in his voice, the way he’s so casual about it.  Aw, shit, does he really care about this guy?  Fuck me sideways.  As much as Taako’s instinct was to resist, he felt his heart go out for him, and this urge to protect him, somehow, from his past.  

“Are you—seeing someone about the depression bit?”  

“Yeah, yeah, I see a therapist once a week.”  

“My sister keeps trying to get me to go but…”

“I mean, I think it’s super helpful, but, if you aren’t invested in it for yourself, it’s not going to do much good.”

“Sure, sure…”

“But I think it’s been really helpful for me.  If you find the right therapist, it’s really, it’s really helpful.”

Taako rearranges himself a little bit so that he’s lying back on Kravitz, looking out of the ocean together.  Quiet settles between them, and they both consider this little moment of openness they shared with each other, and how easy it was, and how scary that is.  And maybe, how okay they are with how scary it is.  

“Well, good.”  Taako says after the stretch of quiet.  “I’m glad you’re—better now.  I was hoping you might get tah stick around.”

“Yeah?  Kravitz says, a touch of flirting, a touch serious.  God, he kind of hates how mushy this guy makes him after only a few dates.  

“Just long enough for sex on the beach, I hope.”     And maybe a little longer than that.

[i-just-love-writing-crap]

Catching Murphy, Part 12

Warnings: Swearing, possible nsfw content Word Count: 8124 (seriously stop letting me write this ish) Summary: You, Miss (y/n) (y/l/n), had a crush on Connor Murphy for years, from a distance of course. You had always been too shy to approach him, and the fact around school that he was an aggressive stoner caused you to become even more shy. One day, in history class, your teacher decided to assign a project and assigned everyone a partner—you and Connor were partnered together. Could you two grow close during the project and remain close? Or will Connor go back to ignoring you after the project comes to a close? A/N: I apologize if Connor is a biiiiit OOC… ;-; Obviously takes place in an AU where Connor is alive. Oh hey look it’s my masterlist, tah-dah Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 TAGS: @saturdayschilddrivesmewild @defenestrate-yourself-please @philyylester @marvel-imagines-yes-please @cucumberinmyass @arsonboirich @sunshinesips @cozykleinman @jaredstrashcan @glowingsaphaelruby @saphael

You were sitting there, in the backseat of your mom’s car, holding your now painfully obvious broken wrist. How the fuck do I slam my wrist so hard into a door frame it breaks, you think sourly to yourself. Right, because I’m an idiot. Flailing my arms like that, what’d I expect? To not hurt myself?! Way to start off your first day dating Connor, (y/n). Bang-up job, smashing success. Literally. Lost in your thoughts, you squeezed your broken wrist tightly and the sharp pain pulled you from your thoughts. “Ouch… what the fuck,” you grumbled to yourself, wondering why your broken wrist had a sharp pain. When you looked down and saw the tight grip your right hand had on it, a wince erupted from your throat then you pulled away, letting the swollen, broken wrist gently fall to your lap.

Connor looked over to you and saw the way you were looking out of the car window. He reached over and touched your thigh, causing you to jump while your orbs shot to his face. The frenzied look behind your eyes made his normally hardened gaze go soft as he asked in a quiet, gentle tone, “What’s wrong, (y/n)?”

“I, I… I just…” you stammered, nearly silently, before a sigh passed your lips and you tore the frenzied (e/c) gaze from Connor away to the window—eyes almost bitter as you watched the landscape roll by. After a moment of silence, you continued in the same near silent voice, “…I just am an utter fuck-up…”

“What in the hell has you saying that, dork?” he asked, hand stroking your clothed thigh comfortingly. Although you were in obvious pain and discomfort at the brokenness of your wrist, Connor had not wanted you to be in any more distress.

You groaned softly and almost in self-anger, and truthfully that was hitting the nail on the head: you were mad at yourself for breaking your wrist. With yet another soft sigh, came the answer, “I just fucking broke my wrist on the day we started dating, Con. Literally not even twenty minutes had we been official and I show you how d-dumb I can be. I, I mean… flailing my arms in the air, really? I’m just a dumb kid…” The way your anger-filled voice petered out was almost pathetic if you hadn’t been so filled with worry, which made Connor shake his head at you.

Connor laughed at your needless worry. Just because you had an accident as a result of being incredibly happy was not enough to warrant calling you a dumb kid. “Fuck, (y/n), you are—really and truly—a dork. I don’t think you’re a dumb kid, (y/n/n). Me? Now, I’m a dumb kid, and you’re far from it. So what if you broke your wrist? It was a damn accident and those fucking happen. But more importantly, it’s not going to change how I’m starting to feel for you,” he said softly. His lips curled into a small, brief smile as he continued to stroke your thigh.

(E/c) eyes looking back at the long-haired stoner, your face began to redden at his words. “C-Con? Are you serious? Al-also, you’re not a dumb kid,” you whispered.

His hand was lifted away from you thigh and you truthfully silently whined at the loss of the comforting warmth of his hand. You were surprised when Connor took your right hand in his left as he said with a nod, “I am serious, dork.” He scoffed and answered the second half of your words, “And, I most definitely am a fucking dumb kid, (y/n). Remember my story behind of my scars? That’s pretty dumb if I fucking say so.”

When you opened your mouth to answer him, your mother’s voice rang throughout the car: “We’re here! Come on, honey.”

Connor reluctantly let go of your hand so you two could get out of the car. He could see how very nervous you seemed, so once he closed his door, Connor walked over to you and grabbed your hand. “Don’t be so fucking nervous, dork,” he spoke into your ear as you two followed behind your parents.

You chuckled nervously at his words and almost glared at him, because saying that was like if you told him not to get a boner when you talked about sucking his cock or getting yourself off. It was easy in theory, hard in practice. “That, that…” you sighed gently and collected your nerve-wracked thoughts before continuing, “…that’s easier said than d-done. C-Con… this is the first time I’ve broken a bone!”

“And you’re damn lucky that you only broke your wrist! I know somebody who broke, fuck, more like shattered, her upper arm and elbow. So, I would say that you’re pretty fucking lucky,” Connor said in an attempt to try soothing your nerves.

However, his words seemingly had the adverse effect, as you noticeably jolted at those words. A horror-filled expression crossed your face as you turned to Connor, a dropped jaw signaling your silent plea for him to say he was kidding. When he had not taken his words back or said he was joking, instead only able to stare at you with blue-green eyes that filled with dread as he acknowledged his fuck up, a strangled horrified groan fell from you. You blinked slowly at his words that had not been taken back, mouth still agape as you asked fearfully, “Y-you do!? She did!? How?!”

Connor laughed and held the door open for you (because even though he was an aggressive stoner, he was polite to certain people; and by certain people, that meant you and only you). As you entered the doctor’s office, Connor followed behind you. Seeing absolutely no way out of not continuing what he started, Connor continued: “Well, she was, and still is, a friend of mine that I made back in the summer before freshman year. We were hiking, because fuck you, I like that shit, and while we were climbing this puny cliff—the idiot fell. She tumbled down the shitty little cliff, and claimed she heard something snap like a twig.”

“And what did you do?” you asked, looking at him with a concerned look in your eyes, the fear from a moment ago seemingly having been replaced in an instant. “Please tell me you immediately helped her! Please, for the love of all that is GREEN, tell me you helped your friend and didn’t leave her hanging and in pain, Connor!”

Rubbing his neck, Connor answered you, “Well, not exactly… at first I fucking laughed. She is known for being so damn overdramatic, so I thought she was just joking to get a reaction from my ass…”

You gasped at his words, sitting down in an empty seat as your parents informed the lady behind the desk why you had been brought in, saying it was urgent. “Connor Murphy! That is terrible! How dare you not believe her!” you exclaimed, throwing your good arm into the air, “She fell down a cliff!!!”

“Look, like I just fucking said, dork: she is notorious for being really overdramatic just to rouse a reaction out of everyone! And her dad is kinda over-fucking-dramatic, too, so I’m guessing she got that shit gene from him. Trust me, (y/n), when she started rolling around, holding her left arm and saying shit like ‘goddammit’ and ‘shit, this fucking shit hurts like hell’ and ‘Murphy, I’m fucking serious, I can’t feel my goddamn arm!’ I knew she wasn’t faking and I helped her ass out,” he said, voice holding a certain hard edge. A how dare you patronize me for not helping her, she’s overdramatic kind of edge to it.

You crossed your arms over your chest, being careful of your broken wrist. “Yeah, and? You shoulda helped her out before she said that, jackass, drama queen or not!” you exclaimed.

That was when your parents came to sit with you and Connor. “You should be next up, honey. We told them that you’d broken your wrist and needed to see the doctor as soon as possible,” your mom said to you.

As you glanced over at your mom, you smiled and said, “Ok. Thanks, mom. Sorry again that I broke my wrist.”

“It’s fine, honey. What were you and Connor talking about, pumpkin?” she asked.

You laughed and answered her, “Oh? We were just talking about how Con knows someone who shattered her upper arm and elbow. Back on that, what happened to her?”

Connor looked at you and sighed, continuing his story: “Well, first we had to hike all the way back to my hell-hole of a house, and when we got there we told my mom what happened, and she of course freaked out and drove my friend home. The next day or so, my friend went to the doctor and he said that she’d need to have surgery, but he unfortunately couldn’t do the damn surgery. So, my idiot friend needed a trauma doctor to do the surgery, that’s how bad she fuuuu—” he caught himself and corrected his language, not wanting to say fuck in front of your parents anymore, “—dged up,” he coughed. “Err… that’s how bad she, in her own terms, ‘fudged up’ her arm.” Connor used air-quotes.

Cordelia gasped, covering her mouth, “That’s terrible, Connor.”

He scoffed and resumed, regaining his previous cocky tone: “Oh, no, it gets worse. My parents are filthy rich so my mom offered to pay for my friend’s entire medical expenses because she, being the absolute joy of a mother that she is, accused me of pushing my friend down to purposely break her arm. Which is total bullcrap, because my friend had never treated me like the disease my family was starting to treat me as, and they still treat me like a damn biohazard. Therefore, since she treated me like an actual human being, I could never nor would I ever hurt her like that. And of course my friend denied and still denies that I pushed her because… damn it, I didn’t push her!”

George crossed his arms over his chest at Connor’s rather unsettling words. What kind of parents actually blamed their child for an obvious hiking accident? “Now that’s just not right. Your parents blaming you for her injury. That’s as dumb as all get out,” he said.

Yet again, Connor scoffed and agreed with your dad. “Right? They think that just because I get angry at them for treating me like shit that I’d take out my anger by hurting a really damn good friend of mine.” He rolled his eyes and kind of growled low in his throat. His parents did not sound like the best ones out there. “Anyways, besides the point, she had her surgery and I would walk to the hospital everyday to make sure she was doing okay and to keep her company. When she got out of the hospital, I helped her for the rest of the damn summer; walked her to physical therapy, helped her strengthen her arm again… I tried my damnedest for her, since I did feel bad because we were hiking on my account because I was bored around my shitty house…” he said, you could hear the obvious regret in his voice.

Both you and your mom’s eyes softened as you looked at him. “Oh, Connor, honey… that was so nice of you to do. I’m sure she appreciated it immensely,” your mom said with a gentle smile.

Connor laughed mirthlessly, “Yeah… she really freaking did, I can tell you that.”

“What was, errr, is… her name?” your dad asked.

“Rachel. She moved away at the end of freshman year and truthfully… I really freaking miss her,” Connor sighed.

You laughed, trying to lighten your boyfriend’s obviously sullen mood. “I’m sorry, Con… but hey… at least you have me now, right? And hey, I’ve broken a bone now, too! I’m no replacement, nor do I want to replace her! But, hey, I’m here for you!! And you can help nurse me back to health if you wanna!”

Connor casted his blue-green gaze toward you and smiled briefly at you. “Yeah, I suppose you have a damn point. And, believe me, it’s hard to replace Rachel… she’s too crazy to replace, you know? And, I appreciate that you’re here for me, you twerp,” he said, laughing quietly.

“Yeah… I do know, Con. There’s no replacing Alexa or Kayley… if they ever moved. So yeah, I—” you were cut off.

“Miss (y/n) (y/l/n)?” a young male nurse said. Your head perked up and you quickly stood up, shuffling toward him. The young, probably around 24 years old, saw you and said with an attractive smirk (which is fine because you’re 18 now so fuck it), “Come on, Doctor Jones will see you now. Follow me to your room.”

You nodded and everyone followed after you as you followed the nurse. With the way he was looking at you, you felt yourself shrink in embarrassment and you twirled a lock of hair around your index finger. “Thank you, sir,” you said in a very shy voice.

Reaching a room, the nurse opened the door and you walked in, thanking him for opening the door. He smiled. “Oh, you’re welcome, cutie,” he said, obviously flirting with you now. You weren’t going to lie, the young twenty-something year old was attractive and seemingly a nice guy (while you were less than average at best), so him flirting with you made you blush. “Okay, cutie-pie, I need to check that wrist you think you broke.”

With a heavy blush, and sitting on the examination area, you handed the attractive male nurse your broken wrist. “Here, ummm, here you are, sir…” you stuttered.

Connor growled as the nurse took your wrist into his hand. The stoner wanted to punch the young man in the jaw as he watched the nurse look at your wrist, treating you like a porcelain doll. Connor noticed the look in the young nurse’s eyes as he looked up your face, watching your face contort in pain. Motherfucker better stop looking at my dork before I punch the living daylights out of the prick, he thought to himself. He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard you moan. Connor did not, nor in his agitated mental state could he, distinguish the pain in your moan—all he heard was the moan that fell from your lips. The fire in his eyes signaled he was so, utterly ready to punch this nurse in both the face and crotch.

In his mind’s eye, for some reason or another, Connor saw the nurse kissing you and he nearly snarled dangerously out loud. All the stoner got as a response, in his mind, was a chuckle from the male nurse as he pressed himself closer to you, being careful of your wrist. Your boyfriend saw the nurse deepen the kiss while also pulling your body closer to his, grinding your hips together and genuinely was about to snap. Connor wanted to kill this nurse, how dare he be so unprofessional and grind against his patient, let alone Connor’s girl. “Don’t you have a fucking job to be doing…” the long-haired young man snarled almost silently.

Cordelia heard Connor and understood what was likely happening, whispering to him, “Honey, he is doing his job. He just had to test out if it was really tender or not. It was… he took her to get x-rays done.”

Your boyfriend snapped out of his evil, tricking mind-scape. “Huh? How long have they been gone?” he asked.

“About four or five minutes,” your mom answered.

Almost as if on cue, the door was opened and the male nurse said, watching your body move as you entered the room, “We’re back. Now, give us just a moment, cutie. We’ll review the x-rays and determine how badly your wrist is broken—if at all. Because, like I told you, it could just be a severe sprain.”

You smiled a shy, blushy smile and, tucking a lock of you (h/c) hair behind your ear, spoke, “Thank you, Jason.”

Connor gripped his leg tightly at you calling the nurse by his name. He was so damn possessive of you and he had no clue why—you two had just started dating and he was already so possessive of you. Connor had even been so incredibly possessive of you even before you two started dating. What the hell was up with that? He always found himself wondering that, and it made him question how the fuck he could grow so attracted to anyone in just a few days. Literally, it had only been four or less and there he was, absolutely smitten with you and dating you after such a short time of knowing you. However, his mind veered way off topic: the topic of you calling the male nurse—who was obviously and shamelessly flirting with you—by his first name.

Oh, and you knew how pissed Connor was. You were just being a little bitch and was milking this sudden jealousy displayed by your boyfriend. Giggling, the back of your mind questioned where the hell this devious side of you came from? Literally a few days ago you wouldn’t have been able to look at Connor Murphy without getting flustered and ending up stuttering like an idiot. Now look at you, you were now dating your crush of six years, and suddenly you’ve stopped being a mess of blushes around him? Your brain tried to rationalize the sudden behavioral change.

Well, honestly, this was how you truly were. You were a very devious and mischievous individual, you just got very shy around males for some reason or another. Alexa could attest to that, she’s said many many times how mischievous you were; mostly she told her new friends this seeing as she was your number one best friend, who was practically a sister (so all of Alexa’s new friends were introduced to you and your family). When your mind was reminded of that, it immediately retracted the questioning and let you go on your way.

With your gaze transfixed on the obviously agitated Connor, you asked innocently, “Connor? Are you okay?”

His angered blue-green gaze snapped to your oh-so innocent one; the utter irritation and possessiveness in his eyes made you gasp and cover your mouth. You also had to bite back a whispery giggle, you were so bad! Through gritted teeth, he spoke in almost a growl, “Yeah… I’m just peachy, dork.”

“Are you sure, honey? Because you sound a bit off,” your mother spoke, looking at the stoner almost worriedly.

Casting his gaze to your mother, Connor forced a small smile and said, “Sorry for seeming a bit off, I guess I’m just really freaking tired.”

Cordelia looked at you, then looked back at Connor for a few moments before she laughed, “Oh! I’m sorry, honey! Did (y/n) wear you out? Because she’s a bit of a wild one! Especially behind closed doors!”

“MOTHER!” you exclaimed, choking on your spit. If you had been standing, those words would have caused you to fall over out of sheer shock. A warmth flooded your face at your mother’s words. Even though you knew she meant nothing by them, the weight of what you have actually done with (and to) Connor behind closed doors was enough to embarrass you. Not that your parents knew, nor would they know unless they absolutely needed to know—like you wanting to get on birth control or something. And that was something which was likely not to happen, because like hell would Connor want to actually have sex with you; you were probably just a passing fancy for him before the end of high school.

Momentarily, you retreated into your thoughts. What if that was all you were to Connor, your crush of six years? What if you were just a passing fancy? What if that was all this relationship turned out to be, would you be able to just laugh it off? What if, after he broke up with you, you neither could nor would be able to put on an act and pretend you weren’t crushed on the inside? Those were jarring questions that your mind desperately wanted answers to. You shook those thoughts out of your head; being brought further out of your head as George choked out, “Cordelia!!”

“What?! I only meant it in that she’s different when she’s not in public! Geez, Georgie! Why’d you twist it in that way!” Cordelia exclaimed, throwing her arms into the air. “Both you and (y/n) took it that way! Damn, I’m sure even Connor’s mind probably went there, too!!”

Connor scoffed in amusement, crossing his arms; with a smirk directed at you, he spoke, “Yeah… this dork wore me out… entirely. She’s such a different person behind closed doors, and wow! She’s a damn beast.”

“Con-Connor Murphy!!” you exclaimed, again choking on your spit. Being sent into a coughing fit, you gently pounded your right balled up fist against your chest. Neither you nor your parents could believe that he said that, although your mom and dad knew nothing about how you acted with Connor behind closed doors. “C-Connor! Oh my GOD,” you growled between heaving coughs.

Your mom and dad just gaped at Connor as they tried to seemingly comprehend in what way Connor meant. “Did she go on one of her Ancient Egypt tirades again? Because she can wear that subject out, and you along with it,” George spoke.

“Dad!” you exclaimed in almost embarrassment. “L-look! You know h-how much I love to, to, to talk about that subject! A-all you have to do is tell me to shut up and I will! Sorry, DAD!”

Connor laughed softly and said, “Don’t apologize, dork. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s what you like and, shit, that passion is what drew me in to you, truthfully speaking here.”

“Our little historian drew you in because of her love of Ancient Egypt? Really?” Cordelia asked with a small gasping grin.

You blinked at Connor and spoke, “I mean, true… you do seem to like when I talk about Ancient Egypt, Con.”

George laughed, “Who knew our little historian would get a boyfriend, or girlfriend, because of her love of Ancient Egypt. We were certain she’d marry the memory of Ramesses the Great or some other ancient pharaoh.”

Blushing embarrassedly, you exclaimed in a pouty voice, “Daaaaaad!! Connor did NOT need to know that!! And I wouldn’t marry the memory of Ramesses the Great—I just respect him!”

Suddenly, there was knocking on the door. “Knock, knock,” called a doctor, he stuck his head into the room before entering. “Well,” he looked at you and continued, “Miss (y/n)?”

You nodded at him, answering him, “Yes, doctor?”

“Hello, I’m Doctor Macionis, and I’m filling in for your normal physician. Now, I have good news and some… not so good news. Which do you want first?” Doctor Macionis said with a gentle smile.

Humming thoughtfully, you contemplated what news you wanted first for a few brief moments. After maybe two minutes, you answered, “Bad news first, doc.”

His smile briefly flickered into a frown as he relayed the bad news, “Well, the bad news is that you did, indeed, break your wrist. You slammed your wrist into the doorframe with such force that you have a Colles’ fracture.” The doctor paused to let the bad news sink in, he watched as your face fell. With his gentle smile returning, Dr. Macionis continued, “The good news, however, is that the fracture did not affect your joint, which would have resulted in you needing surgery. Instead, all you need is a cast and you should be perfectly healed in a few weeks!”

“Oh… well, that’s good. Th-that I’ll only need a cast! Thanks, doctor,” you spoke, a tender smile curling across your lips.

The doctor smiled, still, and said, “Okay, well let me go get Jason and he will fix you up, then you’ll be ready to get out of here. You should come back in about six weeks so we can see if the fracture has healed enough for you to have the cast removed, or if you still need more time to heal. Okay?”

“Okay,” you chirped. Doctor Macionis nodded at your chirp and then proceeded to exit the room, going to search for the attractive young Jason. Once the door had closed, you looked at your parents and Connor. “Well then… how the hell did I mess up that bad,” you laughed nervously.

Connor scoffed softly, rolling his eyes at your words as he said, “Well, you were really excited, dweeb. It’s not like you meant for this to freaking happen.”

“Exactly, baby! Hey, at least you don’t need surgery,” your mother chuckled with a beaming smile.

You smiled, nodded and said, “Yeah, you have a point, momma. But damn it… now I’m gonna need help showering!”

Almost silently, Connor laughed as he eyed you, biting his lip subtly. You saw his look and wanted to immediately cover yourself, probably laugh nervously as you did so, because you knew he was undressing you with his eyes. You were incredibly thankful that you, Connor, and almost of your friends were eighteen (Kayley was just about to turn eighteen). For some reason, your once again retreated off into your mind as you thought about how much shit you and Connor would have to go through if neither of you weren’t eighteen, considering what happened at Kayley’s house party. The younger people at the party would have had a field day as they ridiculed, mocked and taunted you both to the point of driving both you and Connor absolute bat-shit insane. Those younger than you would have been the first to ridicule you two, despite they themselves not being any better—acting like they were inherently better than you both. When they most certainly were not.

Today was certainly a day in which you had been dazing off frequently, more so than ever before. Like before, you were brought out of your thoughts by someone’s voice: Connor’s voice, to be precise. He spoke with a low chuckle, echoing your previous words, “Yeah, you will be needing some help with taking a shower.”

Opening your mouth to answer, your mother beat you to it. She laughed out something that had you choking on the air, “Why don’t you help her, Connor?”

While you and your father choked on the air, Connor answered her, half-joking and half-serious, “I mean, hey, if you and George give me permission—most definitely. I won’t be opposed to that in any kind of way.”

“Oh my GOD!! Connor Murphy!!” you exclaimed, “There is NO way they’d even think about allowing that!!”

“Hell no I wouldn’t allow it,” your father voiced. He crossed his arms and continued, “You two haven’t been dating nearly long enough for that. No siree! I don’t think so!”

Your gaze shifted from Connor to your father, eyes widened as his words sank in. “Oh! OH! So, if we’d been dating for half a year to a year or more you would let him see me naked and help me shower?!” you asked, softly, in utter shock.

George looked at you and said, “Well, I wouldn’t particularly mind it… I wouldn’t really like it, but I wouldn’t try to clobber Connor. And I mean, teens will be teens and at that point, you know…” he shrugged and you knew what he meant, “and it’s not like me and your mother have hammered it into your head that you aren’t allowed to do that. Because, we don’t particularly mind what you do, just so long as you take care of yourself and your partner. Just make sure to use pro—”

“Dad! I do NOT think we need to have this conversation in a doctor’s office,” you cut him off. "But yes! I know you and mom don’t mind me doing my own thing, and that’s why you two are like, the coolest parents!”

It was after you said that that Jason popped his head into the room before he fully entered. “Okay, cutie pie, I have a question for you,” he said, hazel eyes looking at you with a soft smile.

“Hm? What is it, Jason?” you answered, looking back at the male nurse.

He grinned and asked, “Okay, well… what color do you wrapping do you want? Blue, purple, white, black, pink, camo…?”

You hummed in thought for a few moments before you spoke in a questioning way, “Do you have a dark red?”

Jason’s smile softened as he answered, eyes softening as well, “Yes! Of course we do, (y/n)! Let me go get the color and I’ll be back to put on your cast, cutie!”

Rolling your eyes as his incessant use of ‘cutie’, you laughed and with a small smile, thanked, “Thank you, Jason.”

Connor growled to himself almost silently. After growling to himself, he spoke lowly, but loud enough for the room to hear, and almost sneeringly, “Yeah, thanks for casting up my girlfriend, Jason.”

Jason’s hazel eyes looked at Connor and he smiled a brief, almost bitter smile, before he answered the long-haired boy’s sneer, “You’re welcome, sir. She’s a beauty and I want to make sure she’s in the best condition.”

You blushed at Jason’s words as he exited the room to get the materials. “He’s insufferable! Don’t let him get to you,” you mumbled, laughing embarrassedly.

“No… no, it’s okay, he’s right. I want you to be in the best damn condition so that I can love you; not that I won’t love you regardless, but while you’re in the cast, I won’t love you as… roughly as I could before,” Connor spoke and shot you a devilish smirk.

Your mouth dropped open as a silent gasp came out, your hand covered your mouth as your eyes also widened. “You did not just fucking say that,” you gasped through gritted teeth.

Connor snickered and said, “Oh? Little dork is using profanities in the presence of her parents? What will they say?”

“It’s nothing she hasn’t said before, Connor,” George said with a shrug.

Ignoring the second half of what Connor had said, your mother gasped, “Oh wow! That’s so sweet, Connor!” She clapped her hands together gleefully; she saw how much Connor already cared for you. And knowing how short the time was that you and him had known each other, Cordelia was actually at a loss for words—or what to feel, besides happy. You were happy that your crush finally knew of your feelings and accepted them, so she was very happy because of that; but she was also very happy to see that Connor genuinely cared about you, only having been talking to you for a few short days. “I can’t believe how you two act only knowing each other for a few days! I mean, it truly leaves me in awe.”

You groaned and covered your face, “Moooooooom!! I-I mean, you’re right. It’s really strange how close we’ve seemingly gotten over the past several days. Not, not, not that I’m complaining!! Because, I’ve loved Connor for years, and now I’m dating him. S-so… I’m happy about it.”

Your words caused a wide grin to spread across your boyfriend’s face, a genuine grin. “You’re a fucking angel, (y/n/n)… and you’re an absolute dork,” he spoke in a certain tone that seemed sweet.

“Hey, at least I’m your dork now, Murphy,” you exclaimed. A wink followed your words along with a chuckle. Your eyes watched Connor’s expression go from impassive to almost loving in an instant.

With a small chuckle, Connor answered you, “Yeah, you do have a point. You are my dork now; and you’ve proven that very well with breaking your wrist.”

A gasp left your lips at his words, “Connor!!” Your face warmed up and the good hand went immediately to cover your face, a groan leaving your lips.

It was that moment that Jason came back into the room. “Ok, I’m back. Let’s cast up that wrist and get you out of here, cutie,” he spoke with a huge, sweet smile.

Immediately, you uncovered your flushed face, eyes flickered to Jason, who greeted you with a smile. Nodding, you spoke quickly, ready to have it done so you could leave, “Yes please. I don’t wanna bother you and take up any more of your time from helping others.”

“Whatever you say, cutie. Though, I honestly wouldn’t mind if you stayed around for awhile longer,” Jason spoke with a cute, attractive smile.

Your mother noticed that Jason was acting like he knew you from somewhere else than from this visit. The way he was talking was almost like he knew you personally, like the two of you were friends. Your mother knew that how often Jason was calling you cutie and cutie-pie that he had to have known you before now; and you knew something, she sensed it. Perhaps she would bring it up to you after your wrist was casted and you four went back home. Yes, she concluded, I’ll ask (y/n) about Jason in the car… he acts too familiar with her.

With a soft smile and right hand combing through your hair, you spoke in a meek voice, “Quit that, Jason. Just… fix my wrist, okay? I’m ready to leave.”

Jason chuckled and rolled his eyes playfully at you, walking over to you. “Ok, fine, miss. Now, hold out your left arm like this,” he spoke, showing you how to hold your arm. Once you did so, he started to put you in your short arm cast, starting with the padding that was slipped onto your arm before anything else.

As Jason worked, you felt Connor’s eyes boring into Jason—trying to set the nurse on fire, seemingly. From your perspective. A nearly silent chuckle left your lips as you watched Jason, which caused the aforementioned attractive young nurse to look up at you. His hazel eyes silently asking why you were chuckling so softly. Shaking your head, your eyes told him not to worry or question it. The shared look between you two, which lasted a solid twenty seconds, seemed to piss Connor off even more—you could just feel it as intense irritation and aggression (toward Jason) radiated off him. You were sure that had your parents not been there, Connor would have been all over you.

Once again, you retreated into your mind, time seemed to either stand still or move incredibly slow. You could not decide. In your mind, you already saw what Connor would do, no, you felt what he would do to you just to prove that you were his now and that Jason needed to back off. As you spaced off, you were unaware that your mind had taken over: all you knew was that one second your parents were in the room and the next second, following a blink, they were gone.

Now it was just you, Connor, and Jason in the small room; Connor’s displeasure at Jason’s flirting was now even more palpable than a second ago. His jaw was clenched, hands fisted the fabric of his jeans on each leg, fiery eyes flickered between you and Jason. As your gaze briefly met your boyfriend’s, your breath was stolen as the palpability of his discourse with the current situation. His eyes burned with the desire to make a claim, do something only he could do to you, right in front of Jason as well.

A shiver shot down your body, shaking you to the core. You had neither a single idea what was brewing in Connor’s mind nor when he would do it, all you knew was that it would be very intense. You witnessed the snap in Connor’s eyes as Jason said something flirty to you, saw how quickly the stoner shot out of his chair and marched over to where you were. Your brain worked quickly, emphasizing how rough Connor would be: a possessive and deep kiss, hands trailing down your body, possessively squeezing here and there. He growled something about you being his, only his, against your lips; his touches instantly had your mind reeling back to Kayley’s party, which sent yet another shiver down your spine. “J-Jesus Con…” you breathed out barely above a whisper, the only way you body knew how to respond.

The moment your whispery voice left your lips everything came crashing back as you were ripped from your daydream. The daydream you were actually unaware had bled into your vision. Connor’s distinct voice cut through the air, sounding harsher than normal, “Dork? (Y/n)…? Are you okay?”

It was his voice that fully brought you back. Blinking a few times, your parents were suddenly back. You softly shook your head before turning your dazed eyes to him. “M-me…? Wh-what…?” you stammered, confused like you had just been woken from sleep.

“Yeah you, dork. Are you okay?” he asked, looking at you with a concerned look. As he saw your confused gaze hone in on him, Connor’s look turned cold as he casted his eyes to Jason. “Is Jason hurting your wrist? Because he seems to be eyeing you more than doing his JOB,” he sneered, narrowing his eyes further.

Jason scoffed as he rolled his eyes, finishing with your cast. “Look, I’m done. I was looking at (y/n)’s face to determine if she was in any pain while I fixed her up,” he said, almost disdainfully looking at Connor. He then instructed you to try and move your wrist and when he saw you could not, he nodded. “Good. That’s very good. Okay! Well, you’re all ready to go. You’ll need to come back in a few weeks so we can see if we can take off the cast.”

You nodded as his words, saying, “Guess I’ll have to drive with one hand! Haha!”

“Oh, what the hell do you think you’re thinking,” came Connor’s stern voice. “You aren’t doing anything with that involves driving with that cast on, you understand me, (y/n)? I’ll be your ride, as well as at your beck and call the whole freaking time; and you have no say in this!”

Blinking, you and your parents gazed at Connor, who looked back at the three of you with fiery eyes. Everyone in the room could tell that he wasn’t going to take ‘no’ for an answer. Hell, he wasn’t even asking, he was more telling you what would happen. Your father laughed, “Very well then, looks like our little sweetheart doesn’t have a choice, does she Connor?”

“No, you’re right, she doesn’t. I’m telling her that I’m doing this stuff for her,” he spoke, eyes shifting to you.

You bit your bottom lip and fiddled with a lock of (h/c) hair. “O-okay… I’m not going to argue with you, Connor…” came your soft voice. Knowing that Connor wouldn’t take anything less than your agreement, you decided to not argue him.

Once everything was paid for, you four went back to the car, and when everyone was settled and buckled, your mother started, “You and that nurse seemed to get along very well, pumpkin.” She was finally able to ask you about that man.

You laughed nervously, although more embarrassedly, as you answered, “Yeah, well… what can I s-say? I-it, it was like I knew him from childhood or something. Because I wasn’t all that shy around him.”

There was a certain tone to your voice that signaled to your mom that you knew more than you were telling. Before she could continue to press you for answers, your father spoke, “His name did ring a bell to me, and when he saw us, his eyes lit up like he was familiar with us for a while. Like he had not seen us in a while and was happy. Did we know him before today?”

Apparently George is curious and noticed that too, Cordelia thought to herself. As she drove, her eyes looked at you through the rear-view mirror. She watched you shrug as you answered George, “Yeah… he did seem very familiar. I remember a guy I used to call Jay whose actual name was Jason, back when I was like six years old. If that’s the same Jason then that’d explain why he seemed to know me.”

“Did he not tell you his last name when he took you out for x-rays? After all, I’m sure he did tell you so you could find him. He was flirting with you an awful lot, pumpkin,” your mother inquired.

You hummed in thought for a moment then said, “Well… he did say something that made me think he is Jay from when I was a kid…”

Connor scoffed and sneered, crossing his arms, “He got too close to you for my fucking liking.”

Chuckling, you said, as you reached over and touched his leg, “Connor… don’t be like that. He’s possibly somebody from my childhood!”

“Yeah? And? He got too close to you, (y/n). You’re my fucking girlfriend, not his. He touched you too damn much, called you cutie and cutie-pie too damn much… he looked at you too damn much,” he growled softly, covering your hand with his and squeezing.

You, and your parents’, eyes widened at his growled words. Although, you could tell that his words held more of a worried tone than angry. You found it kind of cute, for lack of a better word, that Connor thought someone who was possibly a childhood friend was a threat. That Jason, if he was indeed the one from about twelve years ago, was a threat to your relationship. Absolutely not, you had just gotten the boy you had been pining for for years, you weren’t going to abandon this relationship for anyone else. “Con… if that’s the same Jay from my childhood then cutie and cutie-pie are just pet names he always called me. I mean, when I was six, he was twelve—I was like a sister to Jay,” you said.

“Fucking sure, twerp. Suuure,” he sighed. Connor did not seem to believe you, though you had given him no reason to not believe you in the several hours you had been dating (or the few days following up to now).

“Connor… don’t sigh like that. Regardless on if Jason was the one from my childhood or not, he doesn’t attract me. He’s not the one I was trying to get to notice me for six years: that is you. Not to mention we just started dating; nobody will take my affections from you. So, don’t think that… like I know you are doing right now,” you spoke, trying to help ease his nerves.

Well that planned backfired. Instead of easing Connor’s nerves, you seemed to agitate them more. “Who the hell do you think you are?” Connor hissed, “We haven’t been dating, nor have we known each other, long enough for you to know or read my feelings and thoughts.”

You looked at Connor and saw that you had made a mistake. “You’re right, I’m sorry for assuming I knew what was going on in your head,” you apologize.

As soon as you apologized, Connor seemed to notice he had snapped at you. However, still being annoyed with Jason, he opted to take your apology and not say anything else. “It’s… fine,” he growled softly.

It was in the moments of silent afterwards that you all arrived home. Cordelia cut through the pregnant silence with a singsong voice saying, “We’re hooooooomeeee!”

“What do we do for dinner, Cordelia?” asked your father, getting out of the car with your mother.

With a shrug, she answered, “Dunno, Georgie! We may order some take-out? I dunno.”

You and Connor got out of the car and shared an awkward gaze; you broke the gaze as you suggested softly, “Let’s go inside… I’m hungry.”

“Yeah, okay…” Connor mumbled, stuffing his hands into his pockets, following after you.

As you two neared the door, Connor ripped his hands out of his pockets and opened the door. With a gentle smile, you spoke, “Thank you, Connor. I appreciate it.” Your words seemed to have caused a very slight blush to paint Connor’s cheeks; you smiled and asked almost cheekily, “Are you blushing, Con?”

“No! I’m not. Just… get inside before I go in and lock your ass out,” he huffed. “I’m trying to be nice after I snapped at you, but if you’re going to be a bitch I wo—”

You silenced him by walking to him and kissing him chastely on the lips before walking through the door. “Thank you for holding the door and being nice, killjoy. Now, I’m making food for myself,” you said, smiling at him from over your shoulder.

Connor stood there, brain still processing the fast, chaste kiss; however, once his brain processed the words that came from your mouth, he rushed to your side. “Excuse me? You aren’t fucking cooking for yourself! You’re in a fucking cast, in case you don’t remember! You shouldn’t be lifting jack shit! Even the lightest thing! And you aren’t fighting me on this either!”

You looked at your boyfriend and said, “Murphy, I can fix my own, I dunno, pasta without any help.”

Connor almost glared at you as he all but hissed, “No. I don’t fucking think so, (y/n). Sit your ass down and I’ll fix the damn pasta! Do you want spaghetti or mac and cheese?”

“Connor,” you said, stepping into the kitchen, “I can do this by my—”

He stopped you right there by sitting you down at the dining table. “No. Shush. I am doing this for your stubborn ass,” he said.

“I am NOT stubborn, Connor! I believe that title would go to you,” you answered. “Now, let me fix my own damn food!

Connor shot you a glare as he hissed, “Absolutely not. Sit your ass down! I’m doing this for you and, again, you have no fucking say.”

His hard tone made you sit down and almost gawk at him. “F-fine! You win! The pots are in the cabinet on the left of the stove. Pasta’s in the pantry near the back door, on the almost top shelf,” you said, leaning back and surrendering to your boyfriend.

“Thank you! Was that so fucking hard?” Connor chuckled as he walked to get two pots from the cabinet. “This shouldn’t be too hard,” he spoke to himself. After he got two decently sized pots, Connor placed them on the stove, threw his long hair up in a messy bun, which had you ogling him. “Alright! Let’s get to making this dork her pasta!”

“Pasta!!” you exclaimed excitedly, “Better make it the way I like it or I’ll raise hell about it!”

“How the FUCK do you expect me to know how you like your pasta?!” he exclaimed, looking over his shoulder to look at you.

You smirked and said with sass, “Then you better ask, Connor. Because I will raise a little hell about it not being the way I like it.”

Almost snarling, Connor asked, “How do you like your fucking pasta, (y/n)? Al dente, soft, mushy?”

Chuckling, you answered him, “I like my pasta slightly soft. A cross between al dente and soft pasta; now, do you know how to make the cheese sauce?”

“I’m sure I can bullshit a damn cheese sauce, (y/n)…” he said, turning to fill the pot he will use for the pasta with water.

A smirk overcame your features as you said, “Are you sure you know, Connor? Because if not, I can always give you the recipe I use.”

From over his shoulder, he growled, “Don’t test my fucking patience, (y/n). I’m a stoner for fuck’s sake, I think I know how to make some mac and cheese. Just sit there, keep quiet and… let me cook. Okay?”

Snickering, you pulled your phone that had been long forgotten from your jeans. Clicking your tongue, you answered, “Okay, okay, mister Cranky-Pants. I’ll play some phone games whilst you cook.”

“Thank you, Miss Wiseass,” Connor quipped as he set the pot of water on the stovetop. Luckily, your stove was the same as he family’s stove, so he did not need to ask you how it worked. Pushing up his hoodie’s sleeves, Connor got to work.

[aristocratlegacy]

Chapter 67- Healing Crystal Country

Chloe: “Hmm...fur coats?”

“...”

Chloe: “Out unless you’ve established it as your thing already. Summer hats off season? In once again.”

Vivien: “Hey, have you seen my black sweater with the weird collar?”

Chloe: ‘It’s over there.”

Vivien: “No...that’s not it. Hey, Chloe?”

Chloe: “Hm?”

Vivien: “What’s on your head? Are you exchanging floppy hats for weird sci-fi helmets?”

Chloe: “Wow, you really haven’t heard of Celestial Crown Cleansing yet?”

Vivien: “Of course I have! I’m plugged in! I just….wanted to know what you know about it.”

Chloe: “Well, depending on the different crystals you put in the emotional centrifuge, it stimulates the wrinkles in your brain so that you can think more clearly and experience life more purely.”

Vivien: :”I like to experience life pretty clearly, dear.”

Chloe: “I know! So just imagine what you’ll see when you’re Celestially Cleansed.”

Pierce: “You cannot believe what Izzy Fabulous said about Nancy Landgraab’s latest piece today at the gallery I-”

Pierce: “What’s ...goin on?”

Vivien: “We’re Celestial Crystal Crown Cleansing.”

Pierce: “Oh, I read about that, you know it’s just pseudoscience, right?” Vivien: “Whoever said that is lying and obviously hasn’t tried it. I’m experiencing life more clearly than ever.”

Chloe: “You ok, Hawkeye?”

Vivien: “Are you still sick?”

Pierce: “It’s just a headcold. I’m fine, and I definitely don’t need a helmet to tell me that if that was what you were about to suggest.”

Chloe: “Try the helmet! Seriously, I was nauseous all morning and then I put it on- now I just want watermelon and chocolate..”

Pierce: “Ew, no.”

Vivien: “Pierce! Did you borrow my black sweater without asking?”

Pierce: “Yes but don’t come in here!”

Vivien: “What? This is my room what are you talking ab- ooooh”

Pierce: “I just wanted to try it on.”

Vivien: “And?””

Pierce: “Aaaaand...my weird stomach thing is feeling a lot better, to be entirely honest.”

Vivien: “I knew we’d get you! Chloe! Chloe Look!”

Chloe: “ Ooooh my god.”

Vivien: “He said it’s helping his mysterious illness.”

Pierce: “Y’know, this is kinda...nice. Just the three of us.”

Chloe: “Totally! I feel like we’ve barely gotten to hang out lately!”

Vivien: “I know it feels like we haven’t hung out together or done anything in like....a year.”

Vivien: “Well, you did take off for a week. Where did you go anyways?”

Chloe: “Sulani! And then Windenberg.”

Vivien: “Wow, Dustin’s really treating you with that game dev money, huh?”

Chloe: “Yeah! Well, Dirk Dreamer actually took me to Sulani, then from there I went to Windenberg with Dustin”

Pierce: “Bit of a love triangle goin for ya then?”’

Chloe: “Sorta. I feel like maybe they’re just trying to one up eachother through me, but if it means I get a bunch of vacations out of it, then i don’t really mind. “

Pierce: “So you’re gold digging Glamma Opal would be so proud.”

Chloe: “No! I like them, Dirk actually just said that he could potentially see the possibility of maybe saying I love you at some point.”

Pierce: “Sweetie. Please don’t say that out loud to anybody else, I love you, but please. Do this for me.”

Vivien: “I got for realsies recognized on the street today for The Cute and the Confident. It’s really happening, guys.”

Chloe: “Aww, Vivi! I’m so proud of you!”

Vivien: “Right? I mean...I would enjoy it more if Veronica wasn’t there all the time, but I’ll live, I guess.”

Pierce: “You wouldn’t think there would be such an immediate need for a stunt double on a soap opera.”

Vivien: “That’s just it- at first she was just there for one scene but then they decided to make her my secret twin.”

Chloe: “Ewwww, did you tell them that you used to date?”

Vivien: “Yeah. They thought it was weird and made fun of us both a little bit, but said they were going with it anyway. They’re gonna do a bunch of mayhem where I pretend to be her and vice versa. It’s ridiculous- I mean, we don’t look that much alike.”

Chloe: “Ehh...you do, though.”

Vivien: “Pierce….”

Pierce: “Hmm?”

Vivien: “Your stomach is glowing.”

Pierce: “Fuck, not again.”

Chloe: “Oh my god, the Celestial Cleanse obviously isn’t enough, you need to go to the doctor!”

Pierce: “No!”

Vivien: “Why not?”

Pierce: “Because I keep getting these crazy fever dreams and I feel like I’m this close to my  artistic breakthrough.”

Vivien: “Seriously? What if you, like, die?��

Pierce: “Then they’ll say that I died for my Art- I’m not seeing the downside here, Vivien.”

Vivien: “You’re so weird. I have to go to work- two more days, man, and I’ll teleport you to the doctors myself.”

Chloe: “Ohhh nooo, we’re going to the Bailey party in two days!”

Vivien: “Ohmygod, you’re so right. I wouldn’t make you miss that, Pierce. Three days.”

Pierce: “Ew. Fine, I guess that my muse has a deadline. I’ll see you before the Bailey party, I’m locking myself in my room!”

Vivien: “It’s almost three, I gotta get to set. I’m about to go adopt a baby that my twin stole from my ex husband.”

Chloe: “Good luck cutie! Steal the baby really good!”

*Knock Knock*

Chloe: “Hey Wallace!”

Walter: “It’s Walter. Remember? You...called me Radar, because of MASH- I think?”

Chloe: “Yes! You’re the one my sister has a crush on, what’s up?”

Walter: “Did...she say that?”

Chloe: “Aww! You guys are so cute! Boop!” Walter: “You...booped my nose.” Chloe: “I sure did! And I’m gonna do it again! Boop!”

Walter: “Ooo-kay. Uh- is Vivien here?”

Chloe: “Awww!”

Walter: “Okay.”

Chloe: “Cuties!!”

*default ringtone*

Walter: “Oh, I gotta take this. I’ll talk to you later, just tell her I stopped by.”

Chloe: “Who still has a ringtone? Just put it on vibrate, man.”

Walter: “No, I like it that way- no, not you mom. Bye Chloe. No- not bye Mom!”

Director: “Vivi, Roni, I need to talk to you.”

Director: “Listen, goils, I love ya. I do- but you need to stop playin’ the goils on the show so...ah…”

Vivien: “Devastatingly real?”

Veronica: “So deep it would make the ocean jealous?”

Director: “Horny.”

Vivien: “Excuse me?”

Director: “Ya’r evil twins and ya’r always flirtin’! I know ya haive a history but I don’t think this is workin.”

Vivien: “What? I worked my ass off to be here! I earned this job, she is a snake that came in and stole my life! Like some sort of...evil clone! Damnit!”

Director: “See, Vivi, I love that enagy from ya. But ya can neva seem to chanel that at har!”

Vivien: “Ridiculous. Of course I can.”

Vivien: “How dare you try to take this from me. You have not worked a day in your life to become what I am and what I am is flawless, so you can look at me with those big, beautiful brown eyes and that...quivering pouty lip, but you won’t get me off, hot stuff, no ma’am. You can come at me hard with everything you’ve got and I’ll take it because I never step down from a challenge.”

Director: “...”

Director: “So you see the problem, then, right?”

Vivien: “Yup. That’s on me, I see it now.”

Director: “Loik, it’s not a big deal. We’ll just fiyah one of ya.”

Veronica: “Wait, what? I didn’t do anything! I’ve been completely professional!”

Director: “I literally had to crop every shot you were in to just ya face beecause ya chest was heavin so much.”

Vivien: “So...who are you going to fire?”

Director: “I haven’t decided yet. We have a couple episode til they have tah give the baby back, and one of ya will die and take the othas place. Who it is, remains to be seen. Now’s the time to impress me, ladies!”

----------

Vivien: “Okay guys, We are at a defcon 10, do you hear me, this is serious. We need a plan, I need a big publicity boost so I don’t let go from my show. Aristocrat showdown, all three of us, we’re gonna go to the Bailey party, cause a big scene, end up in all the tabloids!”

Pierce: “Guys- can you do this out in the hall? I’m not feeling very well and you’re talking, like, so loud.”

Chloe: “Damn, Pierce-y, are you ok?”

Vivien: “You look like a monster.”

Pierce: “Thanks, Vivi. You look great too. You’re wig is on backwards.”

Vivien: “It is? Shit. Did I fix it”

Chloe: “Ew, why do you still wear those? It’s bad enough that you named them all and hang them up on our wall like roadkill trophies.”

Vivien: “Leave Samantha, Veronica, and La Fontaine out of this!”

Chloe: “What happened to Esteban?”

Vivien: “Bad blowout...it’s a bitter situation.”

Pierce: “What happened to you two talking out in the hallway?

Chloe: “Why do you have to sabotage everything I do?”

Pierce: “I wish you two had never been born.”

Vivien: “This is the Bailey Party! We’ve been waiting for this all year! Why do you two all of a sudden not care?”

Chloe: “I’m just...not up for a huge party, Vivi. I’ve been feeling weird all week, and obviously Pierce isn’t up to it..”

Pierce: “What’s obvious about it, Chloe?”

Chloe: “You’ve been glowing and rolling on the floor all afternoon, Pierce, obviously you should see a doctor.”

Pierce: “That is so rude. Fine. I’ll go to the party with you, Vivi, no need to twist my arm.”

Chloe: “What?!”

Vivien: “Come on Chloe!”

Chloe: “No, I’m way too tired tonight. Have fun- Pierce, maybe like...write my phone number on your forehead in case you pass out and go to the hospital.”

Pierce: “I’ll put it on my wrist.”

Chloe: “Have fun you two.”

----

Pierce: “So what exactly is the plan here?”

Vivien: “We’re going to go out, greet as many of our connections as we can-”

Pierce: “Do we...have that many connections?”

Vivien: “Duh. Everybody watches my show, they’ll recognize me. It’s on every single day. So, go in there, find all of the people we know, and convince them to go to our afterparty at the bluffs.”

Pierce: “All the way to the bluffs? Why?”

Vivien: “Because of the atmosphere! And I know that somebody else is throwing a party there tonight and it’ll all be set up and we can form a coup pretty easily.”

Pierce: “Why can’t we just stage a coup at this party.”

Vivien: “How dare you, Pierce. Would you try to take a party away from Jay Gatsby?”

Pierce: “Gatsby? I thought this was the Bailey party, who’s Gatsby?”

Vivien: “Remember? Leonardo Dicaprio.”

---

Chloe: “Hmm...I mean...I’m probably not, like...hmmm….”

----

Vivien: “Hey!”

DJ: “Vivien!?”

Vivien: “I knew you’d remember me! You Dj’d a party I was at a few weeks ago! I tend to stand out in the crowd!”

Dj Fliphop: “You definitely do.”

*Default ring tone*

Dj: “Oh, I should answer that.”

Vivien: “Who still has a ringtone these days. Just put it on vibrate.”

*bzzz*

Vivien: “Like that! My phone is on vibrate like a normal person!”

Pierce: “Uughh. Vivi, I wanna go home.”

Vivien: “We can’t! DJ Flip- that’s what I call him, because we’re friends- is coming back in just a second- he’s a fan!”

Pierce: Hmm...no. You know what- I do not think I’m alright.” *Thump*

Vivien: “Ahh!”

Dj: “Vivien? Ok, it’s gonna be fine, I’ll get Pierce out of here, you call the doctor.”

Pierce: “What….electric man...what do you want from me…?”

Vivien: “Thanks, we’re just gonna be outside.”

Vivien: “Hey, uh...how… did you know my brothers name, Flip?”

Dj: “Uh...becaauuuse...I’m a fan! I love you on the cute and the confident. And I love the Aristocrat story, y’know, classic tabloid stuff, heh.”

Vivien: “Right. I should call my sister.”

---

Chloe: “...ok...ok…ok….I can do this. I can handle this. This is fine. This will be fine.”

*phone vibrates*

Chloe: “Hello? Vivi, where have  you been I’ve been trying to call you all night!”

Vivien: “What? Oh, it was on vibrate I guess I just didn’t notice.”

“Unbelievable.”

Chloe: “Who was that? Was that a robot?”

Vivien: “Yes. It’s not important- Pierce is in the hospital, can you meet us here?”

--

Chloe: “Oh my god, is Pierce okay?”

Vivien: “I don’t know yet!”

Chloe: “Hi. What...are you doing here?”

Vivien: “DJ Fliphopi got Pierce out of there and gave me a ride. He won’t take off his helmet though, apparently he’s quite the fan.”

Chloe: “Can, um, can I talk to you, Vivi? Alone?”

Dj: “Yeah, I, uh...I’ll just be over here.”

Vivien: “What’s up?”

Chloe: “I think I’m pregnant.”

Vivien: “What? Holy shit.”

Chloe: “Yeah.”

Vivien: “Who’s the father?”

Chloe: “Uh.”

Vivien: “You don’t know?”

Chloe: “No!”

Vivien: “Okay, uh, one thing at a time, okay?”

Chloe: “Yeah...yeah.”

Doctor: “Excuse me, Aristocrats? You can go in now.”

Pierce: “Hey, guys…”

Vivien: “Okay, I gotta say...I didn’t see that one coming.”

Chloe: “Eh...I kinda did.”

Pierce: “I would’ve appreciated a warning.”

Vivien: “It’s...kinda cute.”

Pierce: “Sorta.”

Chloe: “Can I...hold them?”

Pierce: “Please, it’s so weird.”

Chloe: “Hey there, what’s your name?”

Pierce: “Oh god, I should name it, right?”

Vivien: “I mean, it’s your baby, Pierce.”

Pierce: “That seems like kind of a stretch.”

Vivien: “So do we just like...have this baby we’re gonna take care of now? I don’t think I can live in an apartment with two babies, you guys, there’s not enough rooms.”

Chloe: “Vivien!”

Pierce: “Wait two babies? There’s another one? Where did they put it?!”

Chloe: “No! I mean...kinda. I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant.”

Vivien: “RIght, sorry, I didn’t mean to spill the beans on your mama mia situation.’

Pierce: “So...can you take care of it, Chloe?”

Vivien: “Pierce!”

Pierce: “Unless...I mean...we could always...have a little gallery opening....show some other art and…”

Chloe: “Are you really thinking about putting your baby in an art show?”

Pierce: “I don’t know! I don’t really want a baby, I’m way too young for this.”

Vivien: “You’re like 35.”

Pierce: “I’m basically 22, okay?”

Chloe: “So what does that mean?”

Pierce: “I dunno...I could just like...drop it off at mom and dad’s house. They usually seem pretty on top of this stuff. ”

Chloe: “Oh. yeah.”

Vivien: “That sounds like a pretty good idea.”

Pierce: “Yeah, they seem lonely since we moved out.”

Chloe: “That’ll be fun for them. Like a present.”

---

*ding dong*

Lucky: “Hey kids! I wasn’t expecting you today, come in!!”

Pierce: “Weeeelll...I have a present for you! Here!”

Lucky: “.......Who’s baby is this?”

Pierce: “Uhh…”

Chloe: “Maybe we should reevaluate...how important...knowing the parent of a baby...is.”

Vivien: “You wanna know who’s baby this is, Mom? It’s yours!”

Lucky: “Um, ok, I guess we can take care of this little cutie...do they have a name?”

Pierce: “Nope! We thought that you’d want to!”

Lucky: “Are they an alien? Hey cutie...Hello….Roswell.”

Chloe: “Alien baby? Ghost mom! It’s a perfect match!

Vivien: “We’re gonna take off, stuff to do, soap operas to film. Love you guys!!”

Chloe: “You three have fun together!”

Pierce: “You’re welcome! Byeeeee, love you! ”

Thanks for reading! This chapter could also be called “How can I keep that alien baby and still make Chloe the heir since she won the poll” I’m sure Pierce will come around and do the right thing lol. Funny story about that- I complained on the official ea forum that I hadn’t gotten an alien abduction in a really really long time, in the next update they increased the likelihood, Pierce immediately gets abducted and gets pregnant, and I have to figure out how to deal with it. I love it. Anyway, leave a comment if you liked it!