#ok i promised to stop so
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THE POTENTIAL that we could get?? I'm pretty sure Emilie was the only adult who showed Chloe any real love. Chloe should be grieving for her too (i mean not like Adrien, but Emilie was more of a mother to her than Audrey so). Chloe trying to support Adrien by saying she kind of knows what it's like to lose a parent (only to then later Audrey suddenly burst into their lives ughffvhjnk)
Chloe should have gotten to identify Felix (and come to the Agreste mansion to call out him because wth dude??)
And please, but her bitсhiness as Queen Bee?? Pure gold. (The way she humiliated Hawk Moth outfit lives rent-free in my head 🙏) And her "retweiler gold" behavior around Ladybug it's all just-...
Okay, okay, I'll probably end it here cause it's too sad
i KNOW im beating a dead horse but we were so robbed and i could genuinely talk about this for hours. THE DYNAMIC OF CHLOE BEING ADRIENS CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND/ONLY FRIEND. they both have shitty parents, they ARE each others family. she thinks she's in love with adrien but realizes it's familial, not romantic. she's marinettes bully but grows as a person with ladybug & adrien's encouragement. SHE CHANGES BECAUSE SHE LOVES ADRIEN LIKE A BROTHER AND SHE BEGRUDGINGLY WARMS UP TO MARINETTE BUT THEY NEVER TRULY BECOME FRIENDS UNTIL AFTER ADRIEN AND MARINETTE GET MARRIED BECAUSE SHE THINKS MARINETTE WILL HURT HIM LIKE HIS FATHER. SHES THE MOST OVERPROTECTIVE SISTER TO HIM. SHE STAYS THE SAME UPPITY RICH GIRL WITH A HEART OF GOLD BECAUSE SHE ADMITS HER FLAWS AND STRUGGLES BUT STILL KEEPS A MASK UP MOST OF THE TIME. SHE LOVES LADYBUG AND CANT STAND CHAT NOIR UNTIL THE REVEAL BECAUSE THATS HILARIOUS. THE POTENTIAL KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT. i will NEVER accept what we got.
BECAUSE WHAT A WASTE OF A WONDERFUL CHARACTER. SOMEBODY SEDATE ME.
#Sorry but I love all this potential#this applies to the whole show#we could have had such interesting development and fun dynamics#Love square but this is a family relationship between Adrien and Chloe#just imagine#Chloe adores and protects Adrien#dislikes the cat VERY MUCH#Adrien values Chloe and wants to help her become a better person#but absolutely can't help but does the “nasty older brother” dynamic around Queen Bee#The only thing Chloe and Marinette agree on is that when Akuma appears they urgently need to protect and hide Adrien#And Chloe is forced to stay as the Queen Bee to hold off the villain while Marinette is should to hide Adrien#(He loves his sister and girlfriend but how difficult it is for him to transform in such conditions)#ok i promised to stop so#miraculous#miraculous ladybug#chloe bourgeois#adrien agreste#marinette dupain cheng
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Being someone who read Under The Red Hood and came out with the firm belief that, for Jason, it's not about killing Joker, it's about Jason wanting proof Batman would choose him over the Joker (bc shelia chose the joker). Makes seeing any other media where it's all about just wanting the Joker dead is a teeny bit frustrating. to be honest
Jason could've killed the Joker himself, really, really easily. Jason kidnaps the Joker before the confrontation. I can't open my comic for a reference right now, but it felt like he had the Joker for quite a bit before the confrontation. He had him. He beat him up with a crowbar. He had every single opportunity to kill the Joker himself, but he didn't because that wasn't his goal. Make no mistake, he did plan for the Joker to be dead by the end of it, but do you see what im trying to say here
Edit: If I knew this post was gonna get 1000+ notes I would've tried to word it better or something, this was a rant I made on the way to the grocery store 😭
It's not about making Batman kill either. When Batman says he won't kill, Jason adjusts and goes, 'Let ME kill the Joker or kill me to stop me' instead. The test is all about Batman choosing him. The whole final confrontation is Jason's first death again. The parent, The Joker, and the explosives. It even ends with Jason unable to move as a bomb goes off right next to him again because the parent didn't choose Jason. And instead tried finding an option that'd benefit them and (consequencely) letting the Joker walk, again, lol, lmao <-in agony
#the final confrontation was basically his first death again#and YES he Does want the Joker dead#and it would've been really really nice if Batman was the one who did it#but when batman made it clear he wouldn't kill the joker. Jason easily switched to saying “LET me kill the joker” to accommodate#because he Wanted batman to pass his test#he gave a test to dick too. and technically tim but it wasnt the family test it was a different one so it doesnt rly count#AFTER utrh and the reveal and the batarang you can go hog wild about it. i care less about it then#granted i do believe they make jason more scared of the joker after it at some point#i guess because hes a bit too willing to kill the joker and ive heard jason wasnt meant to live after utrh#my watsonian explain for that is he was so fixated on his plan he cpuld override his fear. or maybe the pit. either work#i prefer the fixation bc i dont like the explanation that the pit was the /only/ reason he could get all plan together and done#BUT THATS UNRELATED!!!#dc stop putting the joker in jason stories im begging you please please please. lock him in a vault for the next 20 years or something#it Cpuld be good and i understand. but also. after so long of people that dont know or go for jasons need for family and parents#that love him and he can trust#the joker starts to feel like?? hm. words. a cop out? oh haha its that guy that killed him woagh hes here#i bet you dont even know that jaybin got beat until unconsciousness by an angry mob#while asking batman to save him only for batman to have to walk away#anwya. where was i going with this#i think i got off topic#jason todd#dc comics#batman#ADDED AN EDIT. SORRY. this post has been haunting me it keeps me awake. what if people misunderstand#they cant read my tags where i ramble more depth. thisbis the only option#EDIT EDIT: hiii#removed the sentence abt jason having the joker for several days bc i misremembered some things#go read its-your-mind 's addition instead also#ok no more i wont edit this post anymore i promise
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Hmm, sorry guys, I might skip posting beau today. Had an arm cramp last night and it’s not too bad, but I think I’d like a day to recover a little
#bakery enemies au#I have more parts done! but uh I may have rearranged them a little bit so there’s an incomplete part wedged in between the complete parts#it’s mostly done but is coming up soon and I figured a break now would be better since the last part is an ok stopping place#again there are a lot of finished parts so I promise this won’t turn into an extended hiatus 😭#ALSO YALL EVER HAD A CHARLIE HORSE BUT IN YOUR ARM??? IT SUCKS LMAO I NEED TO DRINK MORE WATER
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We only see each other at funerals
(On Jason, Thalia, Nico, Bianca, and their parallels/connections)
The Titan's Curse (Rick Riordan), @/anxiousmaya_, Right Now (Gracie Abrams), The Battle of the Labyrinth (Rick Riordan), Joan of Arc (Mary Gordon), The Lost Hero (Rick Riordan), Episodes Toward and Elegy for Halley's Comet (Lindsey Drager), Jason Grace (Riordan Wiki), The Gods Show Up (Michael Kinnucan), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), What the Living Do (Marie Howe), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), Planet of Love (Richard Siken), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), Tangerine (Nolune), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), I Bet On Losing Dogs (Mitski), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/abhorarchive (Twitter), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), Seventeen (MARINA), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/rollercoasterwords, The Tyrant's Tomb (Rick Riordan), @/the-overanalyst, Where Things Come Back (John Corey Whaley), Grit (Silas Denver Martin), Softcore (The Neighbourhood), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Frost (Mitski), @/moonbends, I'm Your Man (Mitski), Sun Bleached Flies (Ethel Cain), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Three (Sleeping At Last), My Art
#nono you don't understand it's about the siblings#it's about how thalia lost jason once only to get him back and lose him again#it's how jason and bianca both walked into their deaths with their eyes wide open#it's about zeus trying to kill nico and bianca and him doing nothing to stop jason from dying#it's about thalia being in the hunters and nico hating her but he knows how to grieve with that kind of loss#so he'll help her. for jason. for bianca. because no one deserves to mourn a sibling alone#like these four barely interact but they're soooo connected i could go on forever#i'm so sad thalia and nico never actually got a scene together after the burning maze#and ALSO#it's about the fact that reyna is one of the most (if not the most) important people left in their lives#LIKE#do you think thalia found out how close nico and reyna were and started watching her more closely#because every person the two of them have shared has ended up six feet under#so reyna gets annoyed with how protective thalia is but she doesn't stop her bc part of her can tell thalia needs it#and nico constantly checks to make sure reyna's life force is still strong#bc he never wants to be caught off guard by a death again#ok im done now i promise#the trials of apollo#trials of apollo#nico di angelo#reyna ramirez arellano#reyna avila ramirez arellano#web weaving#fanart#my art tag#thalia grace#jason grace#percy jackson#percy jackson fanart#bianca di angelo
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as a lando and oscar fan, i fear its common sense for mclaren to prioritise lando. it doesnt mean oscars gonna put to the back burner forever, it just means that lando has the best chance at winning the wdc and in turn getting mclaren the wcc. oscar is still important to winning the wcc too tho but people are acting like as soon as lando is prioritised then oscar will never be in the points ever again
#its just so silly to me#we know they are both amazing drivers that can get in the top three stop acting like this is the end of oscars career#oscar wont just drop out of the points bc theyre slightly focusing on lando more#anyways live laugh love landoscar#and mclaren im just glad youre trying to pull yourselves together#oscar will be ok i promise guys 🫶#mclaren#lando norris#oscar piastri#landoscar
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I just wanted an excuse to draw my Galacta with a cape propaganda
#kirby#kots#kirby of the stars#kirby fanart#taranza#galacta knight#i think galacta would look cool with a dimensional cape#and it would be fluffy because of their fluffy wings#i know they're supposed to be an angel but common you cant take galacta bird away from me#im just a lil guy its my birthday#i originally made this for galacta's birthday but i slowed down when it was obvious i was not gonna finish it anywhere near that#taranza is a close friend of galacta knight in my mind and you just have to deal with it#galacta asks taranza where did he get the cape and he's like 'i got it from meta knight!!!'#galacta just looks at him unimpressed#and taranza then admits that he actually asked dedede to secretly ask meta knight and that's basically the same thing#meta knight still isnt used to galacta being not murderous so he won't help them if he can help it#meta knight has trust issues#i promised myself i wouldn't mention meta knight if i didnt draw him but im an unreliable narrator#i think dedede and galacta would get weirdly along#ok im gonna stop bye this is really self indulgent
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If i think of horrendous inappropriate things about magneto tonight no i didnt
#nsft#snap chats#sorry. im drunk 😔#i am holding back as much as possible i promise but i need to let ONE horrendous thought loose. i fear its too overwhelming#the images are too strong and if i could id draw them for my eyes sake but i cannot so im subjecting you all to them AGRIL ALVIGNE???#sorry bars playing avril lavigne: anyway.#highey i always have inapropri thoughts about charles and erik but i restrain myself for the sake o the people …#i simply need him bouncing on it like idk what to tell you guys#UGH i need to draw my 309 comic. no he isnt bouncing on it in that but i just keep thinking bout it#i cant make that comic fully nsft for tumblr but i do have such a variant in my brain#‘snap youre obsesed with that issue’ and why would i not be its literally top five fic tropes ever#i will not stop talking about this ish until i properly draw fanart for it#like ……… UGH#maybe Next next weekend. maybe for my birthday weekend#my birthday falls on a friday thats fucked#anyways im gonna sit here having gross thoughts while with the fam. theyre playing uno maybe ill open google doc and start drafting …..#maybe ill release an nsft fic ver of the comic if i cant show that publicly who knows#maybe if im generrous one of these fucks won uno omg#ok bye im getting another espresso martini#jk im getting sn old fashioned ……#wait they have chess here…………………. im bouta fuck it up …..
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swap au or something
ekko -> viktor
viktor -> jinx
jinx -> ekko
i read this fic and got inspired. it doesn't follow the canon to it but it inspired me (do check it out though it's really cool)
if you got any au questions then throw em at me (i've only watched arcane once tho so i might not have answers)
(more in the tags)
#diinoposting#yippee diino art#random au ideas#arcane swap au#arcane#ekko arcane#jinx arcane#viktor arcane#forgot to add#viktor gets 2 hexclaws for braid equivalent#they also are what he uses the stolen hextech to power#as like equivalent also to jinx's guns and weapons#it's cool#ekko here still becomes machine herald in place of vik#it's less religiony but he is still saviour in the eyes of the healed#jinx at first still quite likes bombs but switched to more defensive weapons after creating the firelights#definitely will still create time travel too#jayvik probably won't happen in this au except for maybe really later. they kinda fought at the start and it was pretty irreversable#viktor hates jayce and piltover with a passion because viktor created a bomb and was gonna use it on enforcers but jayce thinks now that al#-zaunites are chaotic and violent. he doesn't want to work with someone who's making bombs that will kill their beloved police force#this is like really far back tho. a couple years or so after viktor's boat scene. so it's not exactly fully rational thought yet#since they got small child brains (in terms of development and core values. they're still both super smart)#then since hears their argument and viktor accidentally sets off the bomb. jayce retreats and takes their main notebook back to piltover.#singed i mean. typo#meanwhile vik gets adopted by silco who promises that jayce and the rest of piltover will see his potential someday (likely violently tbfr)#the bomb and the boat are currently his best work and silco sees use in all of it. the bombs are well. bombs. but the boat has really well#-made mechanisms which can be used for other stuff#i think im gonna stop rambling in the tags now lol#any questions feel free to ask cause this idea has definitely split off from it's source inspiration#ok thanks gang
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explaining to a coworker I don't socialize out of work bc of The Anxiety. then later explaining why i have gray in my hair.... it's... still The Anxieties...... goin' gray since my early 20s........
#man its rough when people who dont have anxiety have to ask a million questions that the answer is just The Anxiety#like im sorry i dont socialize or want to have a conversation while three other people are in the room talking#its just a lot of overstimulation ok im just suffering please stop asking me things...#i get the loop of im failing a social interaction in my brain which makes it harder to win at a conversation#like every normal person would consider conversations as something you can lose or fail or win (?)#had another coworker who ive only really seen ? but he argues with the one asking me about my hobbies n social life#and so i saw him today and he was i think probably training or showing another guy around#and he was real quick to say no to helping me and im lik e???? i didnt ask for help?#and the other guy was like is that a constant thing? and he said no not me yet but he had to assert dominance#and i looked at him and told him very plainly#i am a pushover with anxiety you dont have to assert dominance at all i promise#and he actually looked kind of taken aback and guilty for snapping on me for no reason so then im like#oh great just me saying i hope to not cause problems caused a problem#anyway ........ i wanted to draw a halloween thing but i just dont have the spoons rn
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actually so crazy when you think about it like. random scientists came to her saying “hey we think your entire family was raptured because of the location they were in” and she’s like “i was in the kitchen with them” and the scientists are like “well you were at the sink! they were at the table!” oh ok. we’re getting departed based off our longitude and latitude now. okay.
so where is she meant to feel safe in the world. because it’s not like “departure hot spots” were identified BEFORE. the idea that these hot spots exists only comes afterwards. so where are you meant to feel safe. well maybe if it happens again the same “hot spots” will be relevant. so you have to go somewhere without any “hot spots”. a place where the location guarantees your safety.
except you get there and the next night three girls disappear. and you keep telling everyone it wasn’t a second departure (because the idea that the sudden departure could happen again terrifies you. but the idea that it could happen again at any moment is also motivating every choice you make.) and no one’s listening. and then scientists start talking about a new theory. what if the departure wasn’t location based. what if certain people acted as lenses magnifying the likeness of someone departing?
what if your entire family got taken from you so you ran away hoping to feel safe and now people are hypothesizing that the common variable causing these departures is you :) you’re the danger!! :)
#like it’s actually SOOOO CRAZY THAT THEY SHOWED UP TO HER HOUSE AND WERE LIKE ‘it’s you!!!’#what if you wanted to feel safe but the danger is you. would that be fucked up or what.#guys they made television.#nora durst you are stronger than me. i would have just ****** ****** NOT HATING.#guy who got home intended to do things and is now just thinking about the leftovers#LIKE NORA HAS A FLIGHT RESPONSE YES. BUT WHERE IS SHE SUPPOSED TO FLEE.#wait guys it gets worse. what if after all this. your adopted child’s birth mom asks for her back#LMAOOOOOOO SHE LITERALLY COULDNT HAVE SHIT. ITS ACTUALLY SO CRAZY TO THINK ABOUT#LIKE I TOO WOULD GET A TATTOO OF MY KIDS NAMES GET EMBARRASSED GET THE WU TANG CLAN SYMBOL TO COVER IT UP#GET EMBARRASSED ABOUT THAT AND BREAK MY ARM SO I GET A CAST AND CAN HIDE IT.#no like the actually crazy part is that in the end she literally went to the promised land the place she wanted so badly to reach.#and she was a ghost there.#ok i need to stop.#the people yearn for nora durst. i’m people#the leftovers#nora durst
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#ok last post about this i promise but i need to introduce this to tumblr's lexicon immediatley bc i havent been able to stop thinking abt it#LIKE ITS SO JASPER.... PUFF OR LOUNGE#there are definitely more puff pics of him in this world butyou get the idea#sometimes hes so round sometiems hes lounging.... you know#jp
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i think tiktok is maybe the worst place for beauty advice in the entirety of human history BUT there's this one woman who shows celebs with their natural hair colour in an effort to convince the world that you will always look better with your own natural hair and it's actually working. there's this filter going around that shows you with a bunch of different hair colours and so often the comments are all "you look so much better with brown hair, your natural colour always looks best!!" and i know tiktok specifically curates echo chambers but still, seeing these random girls be influenced away from their blonde highlights is so healing to me
#idc if it takes a little phrenology together we will defeat the evil of women feeling like they have to be blonde to be pretty#i probably feel more strongly about this because i am dutch but i know so many girls who spend so much money on highlights for NO REASON#having brown hair is ok i promise.... yes even if it's 'mousy' brown........ i love you please stop. for me#personal
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“you betrayed me last session so I don’t love you” ok well i can see myself inside your bloodshot eyes wondering if you can see yourself in mine or do you just see me and of me what you want to see
#last one today. i promise. i will actually get over it and go to bed#ive been thinking about bloodshot by Julien Baker with them too much. i can’t stop#and i also can’t stop thinking about. yknow.#she deliberately switched from using ‘i dont like you’ to Impulse to ‘i dont love you’ to Pearl??? didn’t even need to do that but okay???#so much to say. about whatever divorce arc theyre going through. about their perception of each other and how it differs and has changed#about the torment nexus misery cycle etc.#but ok girl. just whip out those repressed feelings ig. good for you#life series spoilers#wild life spoilers#mcyt
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sun’s out / freckles out
#now i just need to borrow someone’s pool so i can actually cool off + stop reflecting the sun#bikini pics#as promised lmao#need someone to put sunscreen on for me tho#trying to toe the line btwn tanning/freckles & not getting skin cancer LOL#ok to reblog#curly + curvy#biblically accurate asteroid
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PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS YOUR OWN OC.
Rafael is driven by his independence and his anger, fighting for what he believes in and deems right to free his people and return peace to Medici. But his tendency to push people away blurs the lines between selflessness and self-destruction, and his desperation for control greatly overshadows the true lack thereof— and it has turned his spark into an all-consuming forest fire, with no way to douse the flames. And everything burned, as promised. OC WEB WEAVE SERIES: RAFAEL RODRIGUEZ.
richard kadrey, aloha from hell // by eyedeeuhs // firestarter; torre florim // by gundula blumi // savannah brown, from 'closer baby closer' // leach; bones uk // ocean vuong, from 'to my father / to my future son' // by ysociety // maybe, i; des rocs // victoria chang, to love anyone // 'smoke and fire 1' by jennifer walton // burn; vorsa // vita sackville-west, from 'solitude' // by spelio // arsonist's lullabye; hozier // shira erlichman, from 'how to become a forest fire'
#jc3#edit:rafael#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#oc web weaves#no taglist i just want to have this on mein blog. starting a new tag for it as well to get them organized and all#previous weaves have all been for pairings so ummm. yeas. that's different those will just go in the normal edit tag. trust me#my tagging system is normal and i'm normal. if you see this. hi. welcome#this web weave from top to bottom kind of reads like rafael's descent into his own destruction#establishing him as who he is- a firestarter. someone who goes against authority (for good reasons bc he lives in a dictatorship)#someone who fights for freedom but at the same time he's so full of rage and he holds a grudge against someone else in the story#which just. consumes him. he gets too caught up in his desire for control and he loses all his control with it to the point he burns#and he burns and he burns and he burns until there's nothing left... and then the web weave ends with establishing that he's always known#'i knew that something would always rule me / i knew the scent was mine alone' followed by 'everything burned as promised'#this was always meant to happen!! there was no other way for this story to end!! everything burned and everything rafael did#led up to it in the end. there was nothing he could've done to stop any of it because he started it. he started the fire#and it burned along with him. and i'm normal about that. ok bye
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why did laurent start dating / having sex with maxime, even before nicaise found out? maybe this is something we find out in ch. 20, but throughout hiuh i’ve really struggled to understand or empathize with laurent in this area. you’ve mentioned him being self-destructive, or how it was good for his ego to bring a date in front of damen. but why did he feel the need to throw it in damen’s face when damen was the one who got dumped? why would he let maxime call him baby and walk all over his boundaries when this guy is a total stranger? i know some people have speculated that maxime is a uncle-stand in, but to me that doesn’t parallel bc there the abuse happened because laurent did (unfortunately) love and trust his uncle at the beginning, which enabled his uncle to abuse him. i’m honestly really trying to see where this sexual self-harm aspect of laurent comes from when it’s with a complete stranger who doesn’t seem to like laurent as a person or give him any real affection. he said sex was the foundation of their relationship, which seems odd for an ascetic person like laurent who even in hiuh canon doesn’t seem to have engaged in that kind of relationship before dating damen, when he was in a way worse physical and emotional state, unless i’m wrong.
i really, really hope this doesn’t come off as criticizing or accusatory in any way — it is your story and you can characterize laurent any way you want! to me it’s felt like this is the one area so far where laurent has been extremely defensive and refuses to take responsibility, even though it really hurt damen — not just being jealous, but being compared to maxime over and over again by laurent’s friends and implicitly by laurent himself — not to mention how it hurt nicaise. yes, damen had flings, but he didn’t try to replace laurent after two months or ever shove it in laurent’s face. and yet it feels like damen over-apologizes for ever asking about maxime or suggesting laurent’s behavior was harmful. i don’t see how damen could get over this massive insecurity when laurent appears to ridicule or dismiss him for bringing it up, like with the condom conversation or the pet name issue.
feel free to ignore this message, but always appreciate hearing why you chose a particular characterization!
hello! i get this question every once in a while so i thought i'd answer it today since we're about to be done with the story. i didn't take it as an attack or anything and it's a very cool question!
but why did he feel the need to throw it in damen’s face when damen was the one who got dumped?
in a way, reading your ask, i think you answered some of these things yourself. why did he bring maxime to a bunch of events knowing damen would be there? because he wanted the upper hand, he wanted to be seen as having moved on (remember that he thinks damen has moved on, too), because it's an ego thing. but why do it if he was the one who dumped damen? same answers, but i'd add that it's implied in the story that laurent was surprised and hurt by how easily damen went along with the break up. laurent brings it up, says he can't do it anymore, and damen just goes to work and never comes back. once again, in a toxic and insecure way, there was a part of laurent that wanted damen to fight for it, to say "wait, let's turn things around" or something. obviously, that didn't happen, and laurent interpreted that as confirmation of a lot of negative thoughts he was already dealing with (damen wants out of this but he doesn't know how to do it, damen's too "nice" to say that he wants out, damen is looking for excuses to start arguments bc he's trying to get me to end this, etc.)
this is not me justifying laurent in any way. was it childish and immature to bring maxime to events bc he knew damen would be there and he wanted, along with all the reasons listed above, to make damen jealous? yes, probably. is it petty? yes. is it ooc? i don't know. i think laurent does exhibit some pettiness in the books.
why would he let maxime call him baby and walk all over his boundaries when this guy is a total stranger? i know some people have speculated that maxime is a uncle-stand in, but to me that doesn’t parallel bc there the abuse happened because laurent did (unfortunately) love and trust his uncle at the beginning, which enabled his uncle to abuse him. i’m honestly really trying to see where this sexual self-harm aspect of laurent comes from when it’s with a complete stranger who doesn’t seem to like laurent as a person or give him any real affection.
this part of the question is a bit more complicated for me to explain. i 100% agree with people's complaints that in this aspect hiuh laurent is ooc (compared to canon laurent). in the books, he doesn't sleep with anyone but damen, so everything regarding laurent/other men is always going to be ooc in some way (unless it's non con, i suppose).
maxime has to be a stranger. maxime has to be someone laurent doesn't care about, doesn't value, doesn't respect. it would never work between them if maxime was not a stranger, which is ultimately what happens in the fic (let's, for a second, ignore the fact that they also don't work out bc lamen are in love lol). when maxime wants more, laurent cuts him out.
why does he have to be a stranger? because hiuh laurent's biggest issue in this story is that he can't be vulnerable enough to be loved and accept that love. he loved damen, but he couldn't get to a level of vulnerability that allowed him to explain himself, to show himself to damen as he really is, and without that a relationship can't last. when you feel like you have to hide parts of yourself from the person you love, eventually that turns into resentment and anger and hurt.
when he starts sleeping with maxime, he's not looking for another boyfriend. he's not looking for love. he's not sleeping with maxime because he's too horny to function either. he lets maxime fuck him because there is something to prove. and here I have to apologize because to me this detail was so clear during my writing process that I'm only now realizing I did not do a good enough job of integrating it EXPLICITLY into the story. what is there to prove? laurent has only ever slept with two people in his life and only damen was a pleasurable, consensual situation. so, here's the setting: laurent and damen break up, they go no contact, months pass, laurent is STRUGGLING (nicaise mentions this time and time and time again in the fic), laurent has no way of knowing that damen is also miserable, laurent has no way of knowing that damen hasn't moved on (damen is, actually, at this point in time, fucking other people). laurent isn't looking for love or dates or romance, but then maxime shows up and he gives laurent an opportunity to prove to himself several things:
he has effectively moved on from damen (in his mind, having sex with other people = the ultimate 'i'm done with damen" move)
he is in control. he has only had consensual sex with one person in his life, which gives damen symbolic power over him in a weird, fucked up way. or... maybe the word isn't power, but status. damen has a status in laurent's mind and memories because he's the first person laurent CHOSE to have sex with, the first person he loved and showed him it could be good, etc. as long as damen maintains that status, laurent will never stop thinking about him, will never have anything to compare damen to and say "see, it wasn't that big of a deal". which brings me to...
he wants to minimize damen. he wants dismiss what damen meant to him, what their entire relationship meant, so it can be easier to move on. how do you move on if you're thinking "oh I broke up with the love of my life lol"? laurent needs to tell himself what he had with damen wasn't unique, wasn't that special. he can have it again (the SEXUAL part).
needless to say, this fails. he has sex with maxime and finds that it's nothing like it was with damen because it's WORSE, because having sex with damen was having sex with someone who knew him and loved him and respected him. laurent has sex with maxime but he's still thinking about damen, he's still in love with damen, the same way damen is having sex with kyra or trying to date iris while thinking and missing laurent.
once this realization sort of sinks in (yes, he can have sex with other people, yet that doesn't erase damen's status in his brain bc damen was special for a bunch of reasons I'm not gonna type in here - THEY'RE IN LOVE, YOUR HONOR) that's when the self-harm comes into the picture. (this is discussed a bit in ch20 so SPOILERS but)
what kind of sex are maxime and laurent having? it's not the slow, gentle, love making stuff damen knows laurent was into. it's rough, it's degrading, it's not as pleasurable, it's a chore, it leaves marks. does laurent want those marks? we don't know. does maxime ask him if he does? we don't know. you can make it as non con as you want because the text doesn't go into detail.
the petnames. "why does laurent like it when maxime says it but not damen?" I don't think he does. he never gives damen a straight answer on this, but he does say that it makes him feel like a bimbo. it makes him feel slightly degraded. he says it wasn't terrible, but he never says he wanted it or that it was good. it's implied that damen tried it once or twice at the very beginning of their relationship, and I think we can all tell why laurent didn't like it back then with him either (bimbo feelings, laurent using him for money, the power imbalance, etc.)
uncle parallels. okay, this one's a bit tricky. yes, you're right to think that the abuse laurent's uncle subjected him to is nothing like his relationship with maxime for a plethora of reasons, but I think the narrative supports some people's opinions that maxime does resemble uncle in some ways (older, brunette, has a beard). i did not write maxime as a literal uncle stand in, so of course it's not going to be a perfect comparison. i wouldn't even call maxime and laurent's relationship abusive.
he said sex was the foundation of their relationship, which seems odd for an ascetic person like laurent who even in hiuh canon doesn’t seem to have engaged in that kind of relationship before dating damen, when he was in a way worse physical and emotional state, unless i’m wrong.
i tried to mirror canon in hiuh when it comes to laurent's... choices? in canon, damen is the first person he's with after his uncle because he's the only one laurent trusts. i don't have any doubts that canon laurent was terribly lonely and probably wanted to be loved waaaaay before damen came into the picture (post uncle, I mean) but his context and environment were so violent and dangerous that he couldn't let his guard down. similarly, in hiuh, laurent leaves his uncle's house without any money and in a very vulnerable position. he's not exactly carefree and happy and able to be like "oh I wanna date and fool around!! explore my sexuality!!!!" - in fact, this is a pretty big plot point in hiuh: laurent did contact damen out of pure necessity.
and yes, sex is the foundation of maxime/laurent for all the reasons I stated above, but at the same time it's not all about sex. it's not even about sex. it's about control and self-punishment. it's about self-hatred. we also don't know what state laurent was in when he started seeing maxime because we don't have his pov, but we do have nicaise's testimony. again, this is briefly mentioned in ch20, but it wasn't exactly pretty.
however, having said all of this, i'm not blind or dumb enough to think oh hiuh laurent is sooooo canon laurent, not a trace of ooc-ness. i get where the characterization issues are coming from. at the end of the day, I have to say that this post summarizes a tiny bit of what went into creating hiuh laurent. i tried to make him as canon as possible, but I'm not pacat and so my characterization is different. my setting is different. the modern au is different. it is completely fair to read hiuh and think as a reader "i would not have gone in this direction, i don't think laurent would ever be with someone who isn't damen, i don't think it's consistent with his canon self". i accept those comments in the same way i accept those that say they love this laurent bc of XYZ.
this is the one area so far where laurent has been extremely defensive and refuses to take responsibility, even though it really hurt damen
i understand this, but at the same time i don't know how much responsibility laurent can take over that when it's... just dating/fucking someone else after a break up. he should apologize for making damen feel bad on purpose (perhaps taking maxime places), but the rest of it... damen also fucked and thought about dating other people. the comparisons you mention were cruel, but they were made, for example, by characters like aimeric (removed from the narrative entirely later on) and ancel (who tells damen he was wrong, who tells damen he thinks laurent made a mistake letting him go).
i don’t see how damen could get over this massive insecurity when laurent appears to ridicule or dismiss him for bringing it up, like with the condom conversation or the pet name issue.
i understand that, but i also think damen's insecurity wasn't born just from this issue. he is an insecure person throughout the fic. his toxic masculinity is one way this insecurity and lack of self-confidence manifest, for example. his fixation on penetrative sex. his fixation on performance. his fixation on parenting like laurent because his own way is wrong. his fixation on never thinking about the things and people he lacks because he can't take it.
yes, laurent played a huge role in feeding that insecurity, but I'm failing to see where he is ridiculing damen. during the condom conversation, laurent snaps because he feels judged and attacked, not because he's making fun of damen's pain. during the pet name conversation, the same thing happens. and in both instances, damen is judging laurent. he judges laurent really harshly in other scenes, too, like when they find out about claude.
some of these issues are talked about in ch20, but I don't think there is a scene where laurent addresses everything. perhaps he should. i just didn't write it.
#anon#hiuh#ok so this got out of hand lol#hopefully this made sense?#i do think a few scenes in ch20 help us see that laurent is sorry and he says so but i dont know to what extent youll be satisfied with it#also i am working my ass off lmao im editing i promise i'm trying to finish it IM TRYING kjbsdkgbdskjgbkd it's just so long dudes#pray for me#pray for my ass bc im editing six hours a day#im so close to the end i can almost taste it#and YES FFS IT'S HAPPY stop doubting me#plot twist they dont end up together
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