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biisexualemma · 3 years

Text

unrequited pt.2. peter parker

word count: 3.6k

warnings: anxiety, panic attack? i guess kind of

requested: yea a few people asked for this lol

plot: you haven’t seen peter for weeks and start to worry about him

a/n: i finished re-writing this late last night and i’ll be honest with you i haven’t checked it over so sorry if there are any mistakes but i’m tired sis goodnight! lmk if you like this! pls comment / share!

pt.1 / marvel masterlist / multi-fandom masterlist

"ned... you're so wrong for so many reasons," m.j.'s expression was flat, her eyes rolling before she continued to fight ned on who was really the strongest avenger. you were supposed to be working on a group project for your history class but somehow the topic of the avengers came up and the conversation derailed. ned was making a, somewhat, compelling case for the hulk but m.j. was clearly winning with her argument for wanda.

"nobody even knows the full extent of her powers... and the hulk? what? he's gonna smash some more?"

you sat quietly, chin in the palm of your hand, listening in and out of the conversation. you didn't really feel much like contributing. you would occasionally chime in to support m.j. but mostly you just heard the noise of their bickering and let it happen.

you didn't want to be that person, but your mind was (much to your frustration) completely consumed with thoughts of peter. and at the worst time, you had so many tests coming up, and essay deadlines were also creeping up on you. usually you were on top of this stuff, but your mind was preoccupied almost all the time.

because of peter, who was no where to be seen. in the past few weeks he had stopped showing up to school all together. ned said it was something to do with tony stark but you had a feeling it was more than that. you didn't know how to explain it.

you hadn't spoken to him in a long time now, and you didn't exactly leave things on good terms. it was the longest you'd gone without talking since peter called you a poopy head in the third grade.

you just couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. especially since you had no idea what he was getting up to, peter was known to get himself into some messes when he was left to his own devices. and you just knew ned was lying to cover for his best friend but that only made you feel even more out of the loop.

everything felt a bit off without peter around, like something was missing. that, on top of the guilt and worry you were feeling, was turning your head to mush. last time you'd spoken to peter, he was erratic and wounded and desperate. something bad had to have happened for him to be gone this long.

the bell rang, signalling the end of your last period for the day, and the rest of the week seeing as it was a friday. you snapped out of your daze, jolting as your eyes focused back on your surroundings.

"what time did you say again, y/n?" your eyes drifted to m.j. who was collecting her notes on her desk, her eyes meetings yours, waiting for your answer. a crease formed between your eyebrows, you hadn't heard a word of the conversation before right now. m.j. seemed to realise this, rolling her eyes at you with a playful smile. you did this a lot lately, she was getting used to it. "homecoming? what time did you want to meet tonight?"

"oh," you nodded, still sitting at your desk as your classmates hustled around you. "right, homecoming— i— uh—"

"tell me you're still coming," ned interrupted, his eyes wide suddenly, clearly desperate that your answer was anything but no. "c'mon we've had this planned for ages!"

"no— yeah— of course i am," you nodded quickly to reassure him. "yeah— sorry— i just spaced. is seven good for you guys?"

they hummed in response, nodding.

you packed up your books, shoving them into your bag, still in a slight haze with all these thoughts running through your head about peter. you couldn't think about homecoming, it seemed trivial now compared to the worst case scenarios running through your mind. maybe you could try to call peter again? you thought to yourself as you quickly left the classroom, forgetting about m.j. and ned and homecoming, your muscle memory alone leading you to your locker.

you swapped out your books from your bag with the ones you needed to study from for your biology test next week. after slamming the locker door shut, a familiar face was met with yours.

"jesus," you muttered as he stood inches away from your face, your heart racing from the shock. clutching your books to your chest, after nearly having a heart attack, you let out a loud sigh and furrowed your eyebrows. "peter? where the hell have you been?" you regained some of your composure, enough to find some anger in you towards him. he was the last person you were expecting to see today.

"you're ok?" his usual soft brown eyes looked sunken and tired, his hair was scruffier than usual and his lips chapped as they hung open, his eyes scanning over you.

your mouth hung open to speak but he just shook his head as if answering his own question. he gripped your forearm, urging you to walk with him. you dug in your heels, yanking your arm back, wanting him to slow down and explain before you went anywhere with him. "will you just walk," he muttered sharply when you tried to resist him. "please," he softened quickly, his eyes meeting yours.

you frowned, uncomfortably shifting the stack of books in your arms as peter pulled you along behind him hastily. you watched his eyes shifting about the hallway as students weaved around the two of you, his grip not loosening for a second. he was definitely up to something stupid and dangerous that he absolutely should not be involved in.

he'd dragged you all the way out into the parking lot, pulling you aside and away from the crowd of people.

"what's going on? why do you look like— i mean no offence but— you look like crap," you couldn't help but show some level of concern. no matter how complicated your feelings were for him at the moment, he was still your best friend, and he looked like hell. you couldn't stop yourself from staring at him.

"i need you to just— stop talking and listen to me," the look in his eyes made your heart beat a bit faster, your eyes darting between his trying to understand his urgency. "you're not safe—"

"no— i'm fine—" you were never very good at doing what you were told. you glanced down at yourself, perfectly safe and standing in front of him. "see?—"

"no— no you're not," he gulped, his eyes darting away from yours for a split second. "i'm taking you home and you have to stay there. ok? please."

his voice was horse, cracking when he spoke. you didn't understand any of it. peter was the friendly neighbourhood spider-man, what the hell had he gotten himself into that had him this worked up?

you tilted your head slightly, he couldn't think you'd blindly do whatever he said. you needed some answers. "pete," you mumbled, shaking your head with a faint frown. "can't you just tell me what's going on? you're kinda' scaring me."

"i screwed up," his face contorted, his eyes screwing shut for a second and his nose scrunching. you were glued to him, following his mixed expressions trying to understand what was going through his head. he took a deep, shaky breath, running a hand through his hair. "and i know you— you hate me and the last thing you wanna' do is listen to me but i need you to do this for me."

"alright," you said after a moments hesitation. you just wanted him to relax. all your pent up anger and hurt that you'd felt over peter had dissipated quite quickly. you were too occupied with trying to ease some of his stress, and if that meant becoming a homebody for a few days, you would do it. "alright— don't worry. i've been putting off my english essay for a week now anyway, it's about time i cracked down on it."

you tried to ease the tension, act like he wasn't asking much of you. he let out a heavy sigh, looking over at you with those brown eyes. "it's homecoming tonight, i know w—"

"is it?" you feigned forgetfulness, not wanting to make him feel any worse than he already did. you shrugged. "i was never one for socialising anyway."

peter knew you better than that. he knew what he was asking you to give up. "i'm sorry," he took a step closer to you, his hands hovering in front of you, unsure that you wanted him to touch you. "i'm sorry you got dragged into this."

your eyes lingered on his hands before you pulled back up to his stare. you pursed your lips and shrugged. "i'd feel better about it if i knew what i was getting dragged into," you pulled away from your conversation for a second to slip your books into your bag. "walk me home and you can explain everything."

and he did. he told you all about the vulture, the weapons, what really happened during the decathlon trip. all of it. right up to when the vulture figured out his identity— which lead to him finding out about aunt may, about his friends, and about you. he told you about how he'd spent the past few weeks figuring out where the vulture's next major deal was being held, how he'd messed up so bad and how mr stark had taken his suit.

by the time he'd finished, your mouth hung open slightly. you didn't know how he'd been dealing with all of this by himself. spider-man helped old ladies cross the street and returned stolen bicycles, he didn't fight men in bird costumes to stop illegal sales of dangerous advanced weapon tech.

"peter, this sounds pretty dangerous," you spoke up after he told you about his plan to intercept the vulture's airplane heist. "don't you think you should just call happy? or tony? this sounds like iron man territory."

"i can't do that," he sighed. "besides, i already tried happy— he's not taking my calls right now. something about a time out."

you let out a heavy sigh, having taken everything in that he'd told you. you had reached your door, peter standing behind you with his hands stuffed in his pockets. you motioned for him to come in but he hesitated, opening his mouth to decline. "c'mon," you grabbed his arm and tugged gently. "this heist isn't happening 'til late tonight. you can keep me company 'til then."

"maybe, get some rest, too, you really do look like hell," he let you pull him inside, following behind you. he ignored the second dig you had now made about his appearance.

"may must've been pretty mad when she found out you'd been skipping school?" you collapsed onto your bed, crossing your legs over and watching peter perch himself on the edge of your bed. he leaned forward, his hand running over his face with sheer exhaustion.

"you have no idea," he groaned, holding his head up with the palm of his hand now. "i'm pretty much grounded for the rest of the year. and i have to send her a pic' of me sitting in every one of my classes from now on," you nodded, pursing your lips because that sounded about right. "but mainly she was worried."

"well, she wasn't the only one," he glanced at you over his shoulder, his eyes lingering there for a while. you breathed through your nose, looking away from him and down to your hands to give yourself a moment. you'd forgotten how difficult it was to have him look at you like that. "you just took off with no word, peter."

he turned his gaze away from you, focusing on the wall in front of him, his eyes glossy. for weeks that last conversation with you had been sitting at the back of his mind. he knew he'd handled everything in the worse possible way. he tried to protect you, hurt you by doing so, and then had everything he tried to protect you from blow up in his face anyway.

"i haven't been able to think clearly for weeks," you gulped, scared to meet his gaze again, in fear that you might lose your confidence. "i missed you. and i was worried out of my mind about you."

"y/n—" his voice was quiet.

"and i know i was the one who told you to leave. but i was hurt and sad. i'd convinced myself that you felt the same way, and when you—" you closed your eyes for a second, feeling him watching you. you hadn't been able to say any of this out loud for weeks and now it was just spilling out of you. "anyway— i shouldn't've punished you for that. they are my feelings i need to get over. it wasn't your fault and i'm sorry i made it seem like it was."

he shook his head faintly, sniffling slightly, catching your attention. "i screwed up," he shook his head a little harder, pushing himself up off your bed, his back turned to you. "i screwed up so bad," he ran his hand over his face, his thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of his nose. your eyebrows knitted. "it wasn't supposed to turn out like this."

"don't," you shook your head, willing him to stop. "it's not your fault. i shouldn't have—"

he cut you off, turning to face you as he did. "i'm in love with you," his mouth hung open slightly, his eyes now stinging red. "i was in love with you then, and i'm in love with you now. i think i always will be."

your eyebrows unknitted, your mouth opening to speak but nothing came out. you watched his hand tug on the ends of his curls, his eyes locked onto you the entire time, trying to read your expression.

"i was trying to protect you and it went completely wrong—" his breathing was erratic. "i thought you'd be safer if i distanced myself—" the look on his face was breaking your heart. he knew how stupid it all sounded now he explained it out loud. "i screwed everything up— and now you're in more danger than ever— because of me."

"you— you—" your brain was trying to keep up. you shook your head. you had spent the past month telling yourself that everything you thought he'd felt for you wasn't real, that you'd over thought everything he'd ever done for you. you'd been telling yourself for a month to move on. "you didn't screw up, pete. i know you. whatever you did, you did for the right reasons."

the lump in your throat was growing as you tried to keep some kind of composure. it wouldn't do either of you any good to get upset with him when he was worked up like this. he didn't need to be told he'd made a mistake, he was already painfully aware.

"you don't— you—but— i—" he was hyperventilating, completely vulnerable as he fell apart in front of you.

"pete," you mumbled carefully, climbing over to where he was stood, hand in his hair and he pulled on the loose curls, his eyes wide with anxiety and stress. you moved your hands to his, pulling them down to his side and giving them a small squeeze. "calm down," you cooed. "everything will be ok."

you trailed your hands up to his shoulders, giving them a soft squeeze before pulling him into a tight hug. you wrapped your arms 'round his shoulders, one hand moving to the back of his head, running your fingers through his hair. his head ducked, burying into your neck, his arms wrapping around your waist in a desperate grip. his breathing was heavy at first, uneven and jagged as he clung onto you. your heart was beating out of your chest, you were sure he could hear it, but you held onto him as tight as you could, pressing your whole body against his trying to offer him as much comfort as you could.

after a while of standing around, holding each other, peter's breathing began to grow softer and slower. he began to notice the sweet scent lingering on your skin. his lips innocently hovering over the curve of your neck, breath fanning against your skin. you could feel goosebumps growing on your skin, the hair of your arms standing on end.

"better?" you mumbled softly. he gave you a faint nod in response, his lips leaving your skin as he pulled himself back from you. your hand slipped from in between his curls and down to the neck, your thumb brushing over his skin as he looked straight into your eyes. you gulped, eyelids fluttering.

he was a state to behold. his nose was pink, under eyes wet, your eyes trailed down to where his lips parted. he hiccuped a breath. you tried to push away the impulse to kiss him because he was clearly vulnerable. you didn't want him to later regret anything. "thanks," he mumbled breathlessly. "i don't know what happened there."

you pouted your lips, about to reply when peters eyes fluttered down your face, catching you off guard. his eyes lingered and you noticed his head tilting down and nearer, his lips catching onto yours before you could register what was happening. it was soft, gentle and didn't last longer than a couple seconds before you had to force yourself to pull away.

"peter— you're overwhelmed right now so maybe we shouldn—"

your whispers against his lips where cut short, he pressed his lips to yours again. unable to resist now he'd had a taste. his arms tightened around your waist, pulling you back flush against his chest. you swallowed a gasp, feeling his full weight behind the second kiss. his lips pushed against yours a little more desperately this time, you fell back a step, peter's arms where the only thing keeping you upright at this point.

both your hands where either side of his neck, trailing up into his hair where you pulled softly at the roots of his messy curls. he let out a soft moan against your lips, and you stumbled back once more, your thighs hitting your bed.

your hands quickly slipped down to his chest as you gently pried him off you. your head was spinning a little, his lips were plump and pink and the way he looked at you, with pure love and obsession, made you want to kiss him again and again.

"did you mean it?" you muttered breathlessly.

his eyes trailed back up from your lips, his gaze locking with yours again. he noticed the vulnerability and fear in your eyes now that he was paying you his full attention. he felt a wave of guilt hit him, knowing he was the one that put that look there.

"yeah," he hummed. "i did," he said with his chest. "i do. always will," he was breathless.

"you're not just saying it 'cause you've missed me?"

he shook his head quickly, shutting down any traces of doubt in your mind. "i have been in love with you since that summer we took that trip to coney island when you threw up after you ate too much cotton candy."

your scrunched up your nose at the memory. "gross."

he shrugged. "i don't know what to tell you. that's just when i knew."

your lips twitched into a small smile. "you should probably get some rest," you diverted the topic, trying hard not to kiss him again. he looked so tired. he had poured out months worth of anxiety and stress all in the past ten minutes. "you can't chase bad guys if you're half asleep."

he wore a half-hearted smile, his mind clearly flickering back to the task he had to take on later tonight.

"you can crash here if you want," you motioned to your bed.

"y'sure? i don't wanna get you in trouble."

"mom's working late, so you're good. plus she loves you, pete," your hands slipped down to his, giving them a quick squeeze of reassurance.

"sure she'll still love me when she finds out about us?" he quirked an eyebrow, the small smile on his lips was sloped and tired.

"m'sure," you hummed, biting back your growing smile at the word us. you moved him to sit on your bed again, his hands lazily holding yours. his eyelids fluttered as he looked up at you, a small crease forming between his eyebrows again. you could tell his mind was wandering again. "lie down, you need to rest or you're no good to anyone."

he nodded hesitantly and followed your instruction. "i'll sleep better with you next to me."

his voice was soft after you'd turned your back on him to leave him to rest. you rolled your eyes faintly, smile tugging your lips again. "is that right?"

he hummed, his arms outstretched, waiting for you to fall into them. you dragged your feet back over to him, biting the inside of your cheek, the corner of your lip twitching upwards. "there's a scientific reason behind it but my brain's too sleepy to think right now, so you'll have to take my word for it."

his words slurred together, his eyes rolling slightly the longer he forced them open. you just nodded. "alright, spidey, just this once."

"hm," he hummed as you climbed in next to him, his arms wrapping around you and immediately pulling you against his chest. "thanks," he muttered, his lips pressed against the top of your head. "don't know what i'd do without you."

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wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse · 4 years

Text

Clear Waters (Fili x Fem!Reader)

Warnings: none

Word Count: 2069

A/N ok so I do not like this one as much and also it is veryyy long for me so that's also why. For this one, it is kind of open-ended and I still have not decided who it's for lol, It could be Thorin, Fili, Kili, or Bilbo. Who knows, even Dwalin or bombur. I lovvve being indecisive. so have a surprise and let me know if you have any requests. Enjoy xx

The water swept over me, my muscles taut with strain, but I felt freer than ever. The water was icy, but it soothed me. Muscle memory taught me to savor the moment from when I jumped in the water to when I clambered back on the boat. A few stray waves hit me, rolling me over a bit. I let them roll me, facing upwards towards the sky. I sighed. Bard would be back soon, and he would want me to help him with whatever he had today. Of course, I was more than willing to help. After all, he is the one that brings me out in these waters and lets me have time to myself. I began to swim to our meeting place, one that we both had memorized. I let my body relax, the tendrils of kelp trying to keep me from going back. I willed myself forward, but to what? More scoffing at my ideas, more remarking on how I am not married yet. But I had to.

The waves began to swell, and I smiled. Bard was here to pick me up. Of course, he did the old trick of pretending to almost run me over. I laughed at his antics, he rarely was ever humorous anymore. I hoisted myself up the side of the boat, sopping wet when I realized that he had company. I looked at Bard, who shrugged.

"Lass, you could have drowned! What are ye doing?" A crowd of what looked like 14 dwarves stood before me. They were all staring incredulously, obviously, they did not expect someone to be swimming in these waters.

"I'm just going for my daily swim of course. Did you actually think Bard was going to hit me? You have so little faith in your ferry it seems." I wrung out my hair over the side of the boat. My explanation did not seem to suit them, but they dropped the subject fairly quickly.

"Now might I ask, who are you?" a voice said quietly. I looked up and faced a dwarf, no, a hobbit who looked very out of place.

"I am y/n, from Laketown. And who are you? It looks like you are a halfling unless my eyes deceive me," I responded.

He fidgeted a bit. He was obviously very uncomfortable. "Yes yes, that's me. Bilbo Baggins." He scooted back to the other side of the boat. An odd character he seems, out of place. Why was he here? I turned back around, tired from all the swimming. I met the eyes of some of the other dwarves. Two of them had a very mischievous look in them. Some were more somber. But one of them caught my eyes. He looked like he was the leader of all of them, even if he did not say anything. He had that air of authority to his figure. I caught his eye, trying to figure out what these dwarves were doing here, but his face did not give anything I way. I leaned my head back against the boat. Breath in, breath out. Slowly my eyes closed, letting slumber take over my willing body.

--------time change hehe--------

Bard shook me awake, motioning to the barrels that were now filled with fish. How long was I asleep for? I shook the last tendrils of sleep off me, and clumsily grabbed one of the barrels. I poured it onto the deck where Bard was pouring one, and a redheaded dwarf rolled out unceremoniously. I gave Bard a questioning look, but he motioned to stay quiet. Well, a time for everything I suppose.

Once we had poured out all the fish, dwarves included, I was free to go. But, after all, I am a nosy person, so I decided to go with Bard. For some reason we had to sneak the dwarves into his house, were they fugitives of some sort? Well, no matter who they were, they were picky, with everything. The weapons Bard offered were "not good enough". Everything seemed to pass by in a blurry haze. Clearly, I needed more sleep. I noticed one of the dwarves seemed to be in pain, clearly trying to hide it. I ventured a bit closer, but Bard called for me to help him with something.

The night approached quickly, and these dwarves were very somber. I walked up to one of them, the oldest one. "Might I ask what is going on here? Everything that I have ever heard about dwarves is that they are jovial, and I have rarely ever seen anyone this quiet," I spoke quietly, not wanting to draw attention to my confusion.

"Well lass, we are not here to stay, and we are a bit behind schedule. Everyone is just a bit tense, as this is very important for everyone," the dwarf said vaguely. "You're y/n aren't ye."

"Yes, that's me. And who are you?"

"Balin son of Fundin. It is a pleasure to meet you. Now I see you are a bit fiercer than the rest and I would like to know if there is an armory here where we can get weapons from. If you do not wish to help, that is fine. However, I can tell you want adventure. Make up your mind soon." He walked away to get some food, leaving me with my mouth wide open. How could he know? How does he know that I hate this place, that I want to leave on journeys? I would drill him about that later, but for now, I must help them.

I murmured some of the plans to Bilbo, who told Balin. Everyone else came to know, and the minute Bard would leave we would be off. Bard would not be happy with me, but I don't care. It's about high time I had something to do other than sitting around or swimming. I needed an escape. As we were all eating, talking amongst ourselves, I noticed Bard hurriedly whisper something to his son and slip out the door, unnoticed by everyone.

I yawned, "Well I think I will be heading off to bed. It was lovely meeting you all." I met all of their eyes, lingering on some for longer. I still noticed the younger dwarf hiding his pain, but I could do nothing at the moment. I left the house and down the stairs, waiting. After about five minutes I heard grumbling from the rest of the dwarves. I motioned for them to stay quiet and quickly led the way. I showed them the window that they could enter once we reached the armory.

"This is the only way in without alerting guards. Be quiet. If anyone of you makes a noise, it is over. I will leave once you get in unless there is anything else I can help you with," I said hopefully. I still wished to leave this dreadful town.

Thorin, the dwarf in charge, muttered some orders to the rest of them and then turned wearily back to me. "We are in your debt. Thank you for helping us," he said grudgingly, in a deep gravelly voice.

I nodded my head and left them, turning around a corner. I stopped though, for I heard them saying something.

"She would have been of use to us. Clearly, she knows a way out of here and we don't." I heard one of the dwarves arguing. I could not tell which one.

"No, she would only hinder us. She is soft, she has never left this village, she would only be a burden." I heard Thorin say gruffly. He wasn't necessarily wrong, but they underestimated me. I could handle a sword, and I would not hesitate in killing orcs. But if I showed myself, they would all not trust me. So I stayed hidden.

"Uncle you don't know that. Besides, think of what use a human might be. They perceive things in different ways sometimes. There's something about her. She would help us, I know she would." The other dwarf spoke.

Hmmm, which ones were his nephews. I thought the injured one was his only relative, but clearly, I was wrong. The injured one's voice was not as resonant as the one that was speaking. I accidentally shuffled a bit, and their voices grew quieter. I could no longer hear them, but it was nice to know that someone wanted me there. All of a sudden there was a huge crashing of metal and a couple of thumps. I fled the scene, knowing that I could not get caught with them. Everyone already was wary of me, I would hate to make things worse for myself.

I heard the shouting of guards as I ran, far enough away that I knew I wouldn't be caught. The town center, that was where they would be brought. I took some shortcuts, so hopefully, I could see them alright. Everything passed by in my anxiety-induced haze. If they mentioned me at all, I was well, screwed. I vaguely heard Thorin shout something, and everyone cheering, but I was mostly looking at the dwarves' faces and made sure they were alright.

Balin looked a bit concerned, and the youngest one was still trying to hide his pain, but everyone else looked joyous. I smiled looking at them. It was the first time I had seen them in a good mood. One of them looked right at me, he was blonde, and he looked younger. I think he might have been the one talking about me. I waved and he dipped his head in acknowledgment.

Everyone was busy celebrating that they were going to the lonely mountain, but I mostly wanted to check on the hurt dwarf. Kili I think his name is. But before I could reach them, the crowd pressed in. Drinks were brought out and I could barely move without bumping into someone. It got harder to breathe. I began taking quicker breathes, trying to push my way out of the pandemonium. My ears were ringing because it was so loud. Finally, I managed to get out, and I sat against one of the stalls, leaning my head back against it. Footsteps approached me, slowly, and I turned my head.

"They are going to bring doom to us all," Bard said hoarsely. "But all anyone wants is gold. Greedy things we are. It makes me almost sick to watch this. Do you want me to walk you back to your house or are you fine on your own?"

"I think I'll be alright for tonight Bard, thank you though. Goodnight." I replied back.

I closed my eyes for a second, listening to the laughter, beer slopping down the sides of mugs, something I have not heard in a long time. It is odd to miss things like this, especially when you don't realize you miss them. Some more footsteps approached me, but quicker, with a skip to them.

"My Lady," the dwarf said, bowing his head.

I smiled in return. "I am certainly no lady. And remind me, which one are you?"

"Ah, but you look like a lady to me. I am Fili, nephew of Thorin. Why are you sitting down when there are festivities to be had?"

"A gentleman does not ask a lady such questions." I retorted.

He gave a sly chuckle, "I thought you aren't a lady."

I laughed, not expecting this from him. But it was funny nonetheless. "Well, you have me there. Now tell me everything about this quest. I am keen to be on one myself and I would love to hear it all."

So Fili told me everything. Where he was born, why he wanted to go, everything. Obviously, some of the ale he drank was at work, seeming to make him more flamboyant than he usually might be. But it was amusing and laughter ensued.

When the music died down and people began to head home, Fili wrapped up his exaggerated tale.

"It was lovely to meet you Fili. I wish you the best of luck on your quest." I said softly. "Please try not to wake the dragon."

He chucked. "It was lovely to meet you as well y/n."

I waved him farewell and walked back to my house. It was always good to meet new people, especially these dwarves. They seemed like they could be so happy if they tried. Well, it is time to settle in for the night.

#lotr #lotr fanfic #fanfic #thorin x y/n #thorin x reader #fili #fili x you #fili x reader #kili #kili x you #kili x reader #thorin #bilbo

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fluffymcu · 4 years

Text

Always Here (Bucky x Reader)

request by: @deliciouspeachpirate

summary: Bucky x teen!reader where the reader has a nightmare and Bucky comforts her.

A/N: I am on a roll with these fics! lol I’ve written like 4 fics in 5 days im kinda proud of myself lol. Maybe it’s because my mom got a laptop so I’m able to borrow it and write on here instead of my phone. My hands don’t cramp up anymore! yay!

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You had attended a mission in San Francisco where you'd have to rescue hostages from a secure facility that was run by a very powerful man, who was the most feared Mob boss in the city. He had a lot of friends in low places, and many of his workers were enhanced ex soldiers from Leviathan, so yes, they were dangerous. But of course, they were no match for the Avengers, so you easily took them down with the team and rescued the hostages. Fortunately, you had powers. Invulnerability and Power absorption. Nothing could penetrate your skin, and with just a single touch to the enemies, you easily absorbed their enhancements and fought them, equally strong. After the people were safe, you returned back home on the quinjet. When you got home, everyone was exhausted so they didn’t even bother eating dinner. You all went straight to bed and fell asleep.

Then the nightmares started.

The mission wasn’t exactly too bad, you’ve been to worse. You mostly used your powers to destabilize any enemies, but this time you had to get a little more physical. But you always had some sort of nightmare after a mission. How bad the nightmare was, it’d depend on how bad the mission was. So you didn’t understand why you were having such a bad nightmare.

You sat up in your bed in a sweat. You looked around your room, panting and rubbed your eyes. You took a minute to steady your breathing and looked at the time. 2:16am. You sighed and made your way out to the hallway. You didn’t want to be alone right now, and Bucky was the only one you really trusted to talk to him about your nightmares.

Bucky came to live at the compound only a month and a half before you did. You gravitated towards him quickly because you both were new, and didn’t have anyone else to feel comfortable with. Even though you were a teenager and there was a pretty large age gap, bucky made you feel like that wasn’t important. He trained you, took care of you, and he was there for you whenever you needed him. He became like a big brother to you. You loved him and he loved you. But for some reason, tonight, you felt nervous to go to him. Maybe it was the nightmare still messing with you.

You made your way to his room, slowly and stealthily, just like he taught you. You opened the door quietly and peeked inside. You tiptoed inside and stopped right at the foot of his bed. He was sleeping soundly and you stopped to think.

You knew Bucky had nightmares as well. Much more than you. It made you question whether to wake him, since these nights that he slept well were so rare. You bit your lip, deciding to just leave and try to go back to bed. You turned and tiptoed towards the door but you were interrupted by Bucky calling out to you. “Y/n?”

You stopped in your tracts and turned around to face him. He was now sitting up in his bed and looking at you. “Hey.” You whispered.

“What’s wrong?” You stayed silence and just looked down, shrugging. Bucky sighed and scooted over on his bed, patting the space next to him. “Come here.” You walked over and hopped onto bed with him, snuggling close to his side. “Had a nightmare?” He asked, wrapping his flesh arm around you to hug you close. You nodded and shut your eyes.

“I don’t know why, the mission wasn’t even that bad.” You mumbled.

“It happens. It’s ok. Why were you about to leave earlier?’ He asked, looking down at you.

You sighed, shrugging a shoulder. “You were sleeping well so… I just wanted you to rest since there’s not many times you get good sleep.” There was a moment of silence before Bucky sat up a bit to look at you right.

“Hey, look at me.” He lifted your chin up to face him. “I don’t care if that was the first night of good sleep in a whole month. You have a nightmare, you come to me. Anytime. I’m always here for you. Don’t ever be afraid or embarrassed to come to me with your problems, that’s what I'm here for. Ok?” You smiled shyly and nodded. “There's that smile I love!” He grinned, poking your belly under the sheets. You stifled a giggle and scooted away a bit but his hand still followed, squeezing and prodding around your belly and sides.

You finally let out your giggles, hiding your face into the pillow and halfheartedly pushing at his hands. As sensitive as you were, you didn’t really want him to stop this time. It was a good distraction from all the negative thoughts you were feeling and so you just laid there and took it. Bucky chuckled and moved his hand up to your neck and fluttered his fingers around and behind your ears, making you squirm a lot more. “So ticklish.” He hummed, going back to your belly and swirling his finger into your belly button. You let out a loud laugh at that, throwing your head back and twisting around. “You gotta keep it down, y/n/n, you don’t wanna wake anyone else on the team too, don’t you? I can only assume they’d wanna help me with this.” He teased, sitting up more to tower over you and blow a raspberry in the crook of your neck. You couldn’t contain the loud squeal that left your lips at that, and you recoiled, melting onto the mattress, the nightmare long forgotten.

You pushed at his shoulders but Bucky only slipped his hands into your armpits, making you collapse back onto the bed and squeezing your arms to your sides. “ohoOHOHOhokay! Ihihim smihiHIHIing!” You squealed, making Bucky laugh and pull his hands out. A moment passed, Bucky looking at you fondly. A yawn escaped your mouth as your eyes began to droop. Bucky smiled, as he realized his plan worked.

“Tired?” He smirked. You nodded with a light smile on your face. Bucky pulled you close to him again in a tight hug. “Go to sleep, Baby Doll.” He hummed. You hugged him back, wrapping your arms around him and relaxing in his warmth.

“Goodnight. Love you Buck.” You said, before quickly falling asleep.”

“Love you too, Princess. Goodnight.” Bucky stayed up for a bit longer until he was sure you were sleeping, running his hands soothingly through your hair. When he heard your soft snore, he kissed your forehead and went back to sleep himself.

The both of you slept peacefully for the rest of the night, free of any nightmares and negative thoughts. You were glad you hadn’t left before he caught you, otherwise you’d probably still be having trouble going back to sleep. But thanks to Bucky, he made sure you didn’t have to go through it alone.

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ashyblondwaves · 3 years

Note

HEADCANNON EXTRAVAGANZA TO BRING YOU SOME JOY

Family stuff

Vision talks to the twins while they are still in Wanda’s belly to get to know them before they are born. They aren’t as active as Florence but they still know that their daddy is there and respond in some way to his voice.

Vision always talks to his children as though they are grownups and almost never does the baby voice thing because he wants to treat them with the utmost respect. He’ll still attack them with kisses and cuddles and he’ll do the voice he does in episode three of Wandavision when he kisses Wanda’s belly. However, he’s never like, ok teeny weeny babies let’s put on our sockies and shoesies (no shame if anybody does this, I do this sometimes lol).

Wanda is super sweet on her kiddos but is not one to be fooled. Sometimes Vision can be naive but the kids have never even tried to pull a fast one on Wanda. She is a really loving mom and would never be verbally or physically abusive/ condescending/ rude but her kids know from the beginning to respect her. They also know that she will cut a bitch for them. Looking at you school bullies/ PTA moms/ homophobes.

Every week, they have family nights where everybody cuddles in the couch/ in Wanda and Vision’s bed. Because the boys are little it’s something suitable for them. When Wanda is pregnant she cries at whatever is going on in the movie and Vision holds back his laughter and puts on a supportive face. He and the boys attack (gently) her with kisses and hugs. The boys hold her face in their hands and look her right in the eyes and say “it’s ok mommy it’s just a movie don’t be sad” and give her a kiss. And she’s like “thank you mommy feels so much better now” and snuggles into Vision who rubs her belly soothingly and kisses her forehead.

When they are at the store, Wanda pushes the cart (like you said for balance) while one of the babies rides in the cart and Vision carries the other one. Billy and Wanda are singing wheels on the bus (he’s getting better with the words over time and he giggles and claps his hands). He knows not to kick his feet because his baby sister is still cooking and he doesn’t wanna hurt her. Vision is carrying Tommy in a baby bjorn and dancing with him/holding onto his hands/ singing a song from spongebob.

When they are out in public, the boys try to reach for everything and Wanda has trouble keeping up with them sometimes because she’s kind of waddle-running, so it’s Vision’s job for the most part to corral the boys. Wanda trades their cooperation for fruit snacks. By the end of a shopping trip, he’s not sure if Wanda or the boys are more tired and he knows that everybody probably needs a nap when they get home.

During Wanda’s pregnancies Vision does everything he can to make sure Wanda’s comfortable. He’s also obsessed with her so he’s always there anyway. It helps her back if she leans back against him, so they take up that position in the bath/ shower/ watching movies or TV in bed. Sometimes they just stand and away with her leaning back against him. Other times she bends over and holds onto his shoulders so she can stretch.

Wanda has fallen while adjusting to her new center of gravity during her pregnancies and Vision was terrified to leave her side after that. He wants to be there to protect her and the babies. He is worried about her falling and hurting herself or getting stuck in the tub regardless of whether or not she can use her magic to help herself.

Vision ties Wanda’s shoes during her pregnancies and when he’s getting back up he kisses her belly and her lips on the way.

Angst

Wanda has passed out from exhaustion/ dehydration when her morning sickness was especially bad. Vision was really scared when he found her laying on the bathroom/bedroom floor. Everything was ok in the end but she had to spend a couple of days in the hospital getting fluids and making sure the babies were ok. It was the most agonizing time in Vision’s life. He stayed home from missions until Wanda was well again.

Sometimes Wanda and Vision still have really bad nightmares. They get especially bad for both of them when Wanda is pregnant because things are changing and they always feel a bit helpless because they can never be 100% sure that everything is fine in the world. They take a lot of midnight showers and baths and have comfort sex to calm down. A lot of time is spent with their foreheads pressed together to ground them.

Vision has gotten kidnapped on a mission before and it took a week to get him back. He was seriously (not gravely) injured but when he woke up in a hospital bed, Wanda was asleep in a chair next to him with one hand in his and the other on her belly. When he rolled over to get a better view of her face, pain shot through him and he winced, waking Wanda up. She burst into tears and made him promise to always come back to her.

Wanda has also been kidnapped on a mission. Vision asked Pepper to watch the boys (who are a year old at this point) for a couple of days while he and the other Avengers find her. When they break into the facility where she is being held, it looks like she might be gravely injured at first. Her vitals are weak but she’s alive. When he takes her into his arms she groans but curls into him. At the hospital, she wakes up to Vision holding her hands and staring off into space. He almost looks like a broken man and when their eyes meet she can see how scared he was. They cry and kiss and revel in being together.

One time on a mission, they aren’t speaking because they’d been having an argument when they got called to headquarters. They still squeeze each other’s hands on the ride over but they are completely silent. During the fight, one of them goes down and the other is worried the last thing they said to each other was something stupid during a fight. Everyone lives and there’s some crazy hot “I thought I lost you” sex in the shower later but it was really scary.

They are both risk takers and would sacrifice themself to save others. They fight about the other one putting themself in harms way.

Wanda and Vision get very worried when the other is out on missions. When Wanda is pregnant she’s extra worried and waits at headquarters for the Quinjet to land to make sure she can see Vision step off. One time he flew separately for some reason and he saw Wanda sobbing on the landing pad and thought something was wrong with the babies. The other Avenger’s hadn’t gotten the chance to explain when Vision pulled her into his arms.

One time Wanda had to be carried off of the Quinjet and Vision staggered over to her. She gave him a pained but sly smile and teased him through her pain. Everything was ok but she needed him to stop worrying so that she could stop worrying.

Wanda’s hormones make her seriously jealous. Vision is a hot piece of ass and she’s always worrying that someone is going to try and snatch her man away. Or worse, that Vision will find someone better. She gets mad at him because she thinks the pizza delivery guy was flirting with him. He calms her and feeds her pizza and all is well.

Her jealousy has led to full fledged arguments. She demands proof of his fidelity and he is seriously hurt by the accusation and leaves the house for a couple of hours to cool off and have some time alone. She’s terrified that this will be the thing that breaks them even though he means everything to her. When he gets back, she throws herself at him and they have a long discussion about how her jealousy can get out of hand sometimes. He also takes his time explaining how in love with her he is, how there could never be anybody else for him, and makes love to her nice and slow in the shower. And then the bed. And then the bed again.

Cutesy

Wanda and Vision sing to the kiddos during bath time. Vision makes sure to sing to big bird as well when she’s cooking in Wanda’s belly.

Vision says good morning and goodnight to Wanda’s belly during her pregnancies.

In his sleep, Vision still rubs Wanda’s belly and tries to calm the baby if she’s being particularly active.

Wanda is the most adorable thing in the world to Vision. Especially when she is grumpy in the morning with bed head and waddling to the kitchen.

I hope these make you smile :)

PS: can you tell my favorite place for them to have sex is the shower???

These are fabulous and had me smiling the whole way through. Thank you for sharing them. They sound like they're pros at making shower sex super hot and I am here for it!

"Vision is a hot piece of ass" put this on my urn, please.

Ahh I loved these so so much. Again, thank you! I really am so glad to have something fun to read during these long nights of work.

#follower headcanons

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firewoodfigs · 4 years

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work is slowly degrading me into Roy Mustang and this is not a good sign LOLOLOL

just. naps in the afternoon. naps everywhere. perpetual exhaustion. perpetual sigh @ everything in the world. I've only been to the office for two days this week and I already feel tired LOL so I just brought everything back home and I'll probably just... work from home... (except the lamp in my room has gone bust and my room receives very little light even in the mornings because it’s directly blocked by a building opposite :’))

this week is a little more fast-paced but still manageable, but I feel like things are gonna go downhill soon because I got roped into two upcoming trials and I’m just like *yeet* *internally screaming in the office* (BUT ALSO TOMORROW IS PAYDAY WOOHOOOOO) but irrelevant rant I think I still would choose disputes over corporate work because like over the past two weeks I've been reviewing corporate stuff and figuring out how to use Microsoft Excel and I already feel like I’m going blind lmao. the annoying part is I can’t even write these days because my eyes, my brain - they’re both so enervated after a day full of research and writing and thinking and more thinking. all I do when I get home these days is just loll on the couch and listen to music from the 60s and dream about tender royai while waiting for the earth to claim me.

but also I am full of, as Taylor Swift might say, contrarian shit :^) part of me does miss doing the whole arguing in court thing... just a little bit, though - definitely don’t miss the associated panic LMAO like. the days the leading up to moots were always a dumpster. sleeping around the couches in school. living off instant ramen and shitty coffee. reviewing memorandums and scripts over and over. and the worst dang thing of all: organising bundles of authorities oh my woRD I hated that so much!!! my pals and I lugged a frickin’ printer to Australia ok LMAO just imagine!!!

but yea. im just. tired. wheezing. waiting for inspiration to strike me again. I feel like the mundane routine is slowly dulling me as a person and I need to inject some novelty into my life :c but we’ll figure that out as we go.

on the bright side, though, I managed to squeeze out some time to meet some friends today! :> I met a friend for lunch because we work pretty close to each other (fortunately, she’s a blessing bless her heart), and then I met a friend for dinner. we had Israeli food, and this pita stuffed with steak and eggs was just. mindblowingly good. also really liked the tiramisu :) I bought her some strawberry beer and apple crumble cider and wrote her a thing ‘cos work has been bogging her down, but I'm also so, so elated to know that she’s found such a sweet partner who’s worthy of her!! affection!! he sent the both of us back home after so I got to talk to him and just :^) idk how to explain this - the inexplicable joy of knowing that your friend is in good hands and is finally getting the love she deserves. also the fact that my mail is arriving safely in people’s mailboxes across international borders and capable of bringing good cheer during a time like this warms my heart immensely :)))))

ok anyway it’s 1230am and my bed beckons and I'm gonna go sleep now but here is my life update that no one asked for and my shoddy attempt at ~ consistent journalling ~ HAHAHAHA goodnight folks!! have a good week ahead!! stay safe and stay lit I love yall v v much <3

#personal #not fma #might drop a lil' surprise on ao3 in a few hours time... if I wake up early enough :))

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deltastorm101 · 4 years

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So, I tried to calculate Control...

... and its Epic Games deal, with the help of my certified smooth brain™ and probably incorrect sources. I started this last night hella tired and with a headache, I have finished it up today hella tired and with a headache, and this is what I produced: bullshit! :D But hey, at least double checked bullshit that’s open for discussion and contribution and expansion. Also, I probably won’t list the sources because a) I’m lazy and b) I didn’t have to dig thaaat deep down to find all this so if you really wanna know you could probably hit google with it as well. Anyhow here we go lol So, the initial thought which got all of this rolling was the 2020-wrap-up-post Remedy linked on their twitter, and Epic’s linked publishing announcement in it: studios Remedy, Playdead and GenDesign will release their next next-gen games with Epic. Now, we all know Remedy are working on some sort of Alan Wake-ish thing as we speak (right? right?? god I hope so), which meanssss our boy will most likely be an Epic exclusive. Which makes me kinda sad because, well. I’m deep in Steam’s ass. Hell, I waited for Control for a full year before I played it because they can pry the Steam version from my cold dead hands. So I asked myself... was it worth it for them? How much money did they throw at Remedy (and 505 Games) to have them play along? Would they have reached more people from the get-go if they had released it on Steam right away? Did the individual programmer, designer, writer, artist, person behind it profit from this at all? (Also, like, about the rights and copyright thing,,,,, you’d think they could have learned from Alan Wake and its IP belonging to Microsoft and so not really being able to do anything more with it because they don’t ‘own’ it and shit) buuut anyway that’s not the point of this post, now it’s time to do some MATH BABEY

Ok, let’s start with some things we know. Facts. Figures. Data. Turns out my initial question, how much money was involved, could be answered by doing one (1) google search: according to Wikipedia, Epic gave Remedy and 505 Games €9.49mio. The total budget for the game was €26.9mio over the course of 3 years of development. We know that as of December 2020, over 2mio copies of the game were sold, with November 2020 being the best-selling month ever since its initial release in August 2019. This is where question 1) comes into play: how many of those 2 million copies were sold in 2019 and how many in 2020? Stay tuned, I think I found out.

We know that Remedy gets to keep 45% of the revenue, which, I assumed, means that 505 keeps the remaining 55% (probably a lot more going on there but shhh). We know that Control’s sales cooked up €17.84mio in 2019 (so months September – December), €17.7mio of those in the first month alone (O.O). Side note: because it came out at the very end of August, I’ll ignore that month and declare September the first sales month.

We know that 60% of sales in 2019 were digital ones (aka Epic Store, mostly), 40% physical ones (consoles PS4 and XB1), while in 2020, only 10% of sales were physical and a whopping 90% digital; which is people on Epic who wanted to get their hands on the first DLC and – you guessed it – the Steam release of the Ultimate Edition in August 2020.

Which begs question 2): what’s bigger, 60% of 2019 sales because ‘ooh shiny new game’, or 90% of 2020 sales because ‘yay steam release’? The answer may look obvious, but you have to take into account the dropping price, which I also researched for your pleasure and enjoyment.

For this I used a German website called idealo.de, which focuses on looking for the best deals for basically anything you can buy on the internet, and it also gives you diagrams that describe at which point in time the product was at which exact price. This is what it gave me: - release price: €60 - December 2019: €41 (PS4)/€44 (XB1) - mid-2020: €30 - Ultimate Edition release: €30 - December 2020: €14 (PS4)/€18 (XB1)/€30 (Ultimate Editions) At this point I was like “lol hold on i need chocolate for this cuz i’ll be here for some time *sweating*”

To continue this mess™, I see more questions: 3) How many employees does Remedy have, which positions do they work in and what are their salaries? 4) How many employees does 505 have, which positions and salaries do they have? 5) What’s the total revenue that Control has generated so far?

And also some more stuff like, are my numbers accurate, am I even grasping these concepts correctly, are there even more people involved or am I just trying to explain complete crap (yes) but let’s just ignore all of that shall we. At that point I went “oh shit what have i gotten myself into, this screen does not get my point across, i need pen and paper” and you know shit is gonna go DOWN when I do math on paper.

My paper math birthed the following calculation:

Following this up, we can calculate the end-of-2019 sales, if we set the price for September and October to €60, for November and December to approx. €45:

Now, you might notice that one of those numbers is big and the other is HUGE. Why might that be? Well...

- Covid19: everyone stayed at home and needed video games to play - More sale months of the year, naturally - dropping price: why get it for €60 when you can get it for 20 - Ultimate Edition: why buy it in June when you get more content in August aaaand... - it comes out on Steam.

With this in mind, let’s see what questions we can answer: 1) 661,110 copies in 2019; 1,338,889 copies in 2020 2) 60% digital sales in 2019 means 396,666 Epic copies; 90% digital sales in 2020 means 1,205,000 copies – most of it from Steam? Some of it? A good chunk? The bigger chunk? There’s no way of really knowing for sure but... you could read this into it. I definitely am. 3) Google told me Remedy had a little over 250 employees at the end of 2019... 4) ... and 505 has less than 100. I found no good sources for this, I think linkedin said 37, someone else said 50. I’ll just use the 50 figure, idk. No idea man. and for 5) I’ll contradict my point that the Steam release is what knocked the sales out of the park and assume that the number of sold copies stayed the same across all 12 months of 2020, which gives us this:

Ok and now we’re getting into the most dangerous of danger zones because I have no idea how companies or capitalism work, so for educated people™, the remaining calculations might read like a toddler wrote them; I apologize profusely and hereby present last night’s brain vomit:

As stated earlier, development took 3 years, but everyone wanted to get paid in 2020 as well so let’s use 4 years to find out the salaries, which is 48 months. Let’s assume the utopian idea that every employee on the line here gets the exact same amount of money (LOL ikr but shhhh, let’s live out our dirtiest equality fantasies for a second ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)). Which would mean...

And now without the Epic Deal™:

Quod erat demonstrandum. Remedy has been selling their souls to Epic for €350 a month since 2017. (I don’t mean this as maliciously as I’m making it sound, don’t worry xD)

OKAY SO, O B V I O U S L Y, I have not the slightest idea what on earth I’m talking about so read this like you’d read a good fanfiction. We don’t know the different salaries across the different positions (and genders HAH), we don’t know if other parties were involved, I’ve completely ignored the sum that Epic themselves get, I have ignored taxes, I don’t know if my numbers are accurate (they’re definitely not I mean 505 must have more employees than 50), if I made mistakes (yes), and also somewhere along the way I forgot to use the €26.9mio budget figure because, uuh, I have no idea where to use it, what it means, where did it come from, where did it go, cotton eye joe - but oh well, I’m not starting over, take it or leave it.

So... I can now officially say I have written hot steamy economics fic xD Man I put waaay too much time into this but damn was it fun. Good three-hour-deep-dive (two of them spent munching on chocolate half-asleep listening to psytrance to keep my brain twitchy). Real-life-theorizing. Fuck capitalism. Don’t do drugs. Pet a cat. Wear your mask. Call your grandparents.

If there’s typos in this I’m sorry but also I’m not, I can’t be bothered to proofread again lol. Goodnight imma catch up on the sleep I lost. Gotta love full moons

#this is the first post in ages in which i used punctuation and capitalization are you proud of me xD #dw it won’t stay like this #control #control remedy #alan wake #ok now go yell at me how stupidly wrong and dumb this is i’m ready #do you think my old math teacher would be proud #i think so #my economics teacher... not so much

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yubathegnome · 4 years

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shakespearean au: sge concept

warning - this is long and contains otk spoilers (and macbeth spoilers lol). no i do not offer refunds for time wasted. but if u don’t read this, i will find u because my fatigue is fuelling me w anger :)

11:00 pm: ok so I was casually floating in a bowl of water (segue- what is the point of baths? you can literally do the same things in ur bed but dry...) thinking about how great a shakespearean au would be... yes, I hate Shakespeare’s pretentious ass and if I have to read Romeo and Juliet one more time, I might obliterate my existence. however, imagine the drama of a midsummer nights dream au- immaculate fairy hallucinogenic woods vibes w the magic of fairies that could be linked to sge, just everyone going insane bacchanal in the woods. sadly there are more characters in this play than unnecessary first years in TCY so I decided to try twelfth night instead.

12:30 am: ok, I have tried every combination of characters possible for twelfth night (just imagine - agatha in the position of duke orsino and tedros in the position of viola, ah the angsty friends to lovers, the jealousy arc potential, misunderstood love ahh) but I always ended up w an agaphie... incident (sweet home alabama)

2:00 am: tried hamlet, taming of the shrew and king lear (plot is way to depressing)... becoming delusional

2:30 am: I WON’T GIVE UP UNTIL SHAKESPEARE IS AT MY KNEES, HERE I PRESENT U ... MACBETH

macbeth au

if u don’t know the plot... uncultured. jk i blame the british education system for my knowledge of this play but here’s a plot summary

let’s pretend scotland is camelot? yeah, just do it.

also: “Fair is foul, and foul is fair, hover through fog and filthy air.” (aka the only quote i can lowkey remember from year 9 for an absolute trash equivocation essay i waffled)

oh and also “what, you egg?” (he stabs him) - do i even have to explain the amazing significance of this quote? pls keep reading, i’m not insane.

character list:

macbeth - rhian

ok confession - i love rhian, 100% didn’t deserve to die so here he can be the tragic protagonist

outshone tedros in QFG (not that hard tbh) and gave us a glimpse of never!tedros’ potential character similarities - corrupted by evil, assuming that there r good intentions in evil people, kinda power hungry, thinks he deserves a position he really doesn’t, tricked by a prophecy

he’s a simp for sophie lets be honest (soz keian shippers) so the choice for lady macbeth should be...

lady macbeth - sophie

ok, just imagine, no morals/manipulative sophie slowly going insane and having power over powerful men- my fave trope of her wanting to kill rafal/king duncan but unable to pull through last minute because of her daddy issues... yes <3

slowly going insane cus she can’t balance her evilness and her humanity

the hand washing scene...

“Look like the innocent flower, But be the serpent under it.”

the guards that are killed by lady macbeth and macbeth - nicola and hort

they were a cute duo when they investigate in QFG and that’s abt it, hence the short roles

the dagger - excalibur

cursed swords check

3 witches - mistral sisters

bruh this is perfect, i don’t have to explain, this is all slotting into place

king duncan - ... yoooo, does it really matter, just the previous king of Camelot. wait maybe that Uther guy. whatever.

banquo - chaddick

im tired, ur just gonna have to pretend that tedros is king arthur’s grandson and yes, chaddick’s son

i shall allow chaddick to have an actual role where he is a humble, loyal knight who isn’t just conveniently used to fulfil some random prophecy... oh wait poor guy was wronged so bad in TCY- ok ik he dies in macbeth too but like he has a bigger role here than in the 6 sge books. chaddick/ banquo are good plot devices that only exist so the prophecy makes sense, bingo!

macduff - tedros

c-section king

he just would be that character with the unique and coincidental part of his past that allows him to be king

young and underestimated check

daddy issues and family trauma

kinda doesn’t deserve to be king but uno what, ~prophecies~

(just forget abt malcolm’s existence, i have the power now)

the king of england - agatha

agatha as king... we love to see it yes this is my way of incorporating tagatha just pretend macduff falls in love with the king of england ok. agatha breaks the news that tedros’ dad has just died- cute comforting scene

scottish macduff realises the english are ok just like tedros realises agatha isn’t a witch... idk someone write a oneshot

3:30 am:

me: let’s fix all my mistakes w some aesthetic mood board ideas.

*types in “macbeth aesthetic” into pinterest* *chooses the first 3 images*

this is very much adequate

4:00 am; do what you will with this information, people of the internet. this doesn’t even make sense at this point. can’t wait for the black coffee overdose my body will endure tomorrow :) also i love how the sleep deprivation slowly makes my tone more aggressive. im a simp for tagatha but rhian being the main character makes me happy. how do y’all make ur theories and stuff all pretty. WAIT NO COVEN! wait no hester oml... ok maybe the 3 witches might have to be the coven, wow, i can’t believe i’ve done this.

ok imagine them all running around in a circle chanting “Double, double, toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble!” - iconic

ok, they can be the king of england’s attendants.

4:15 am: haha just brushed my teeth... why is this so chaotic. i cant get myself to proof read this because then i have to acknowledge how much time i have acc wasted so pls be traumatised by this chronic brain puke. will i ever write this fic... probably not but miracles happen. good night girls and gays - sweet dreams :) probs will regret this in the morning... oh how i worship the anonymity of tumblr

ps - currently writing a hate essay on hort which i might never release on fear of assasination by 12 year olds... we love to see it

pps - if u made it this far, idk what to tell u, u have perseverance. or maybe u just can’t read. how do i end these things and why am i treating this like a dear diary blog. goodbye. oh yeah, can some sge accounts maybe like... idk... interact w me uwu. i will go insane if i have to play devil’s advocate w myself any longer... GOODNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

#school for good and evil #the school for good and evil #tagatha #macbeth #sophie of woods beyond #i am insane #no i do not have braincells

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croissantbae · 3 years

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April 16, 2021

It’s been both a great week and a horrible week.

I’ll start with the bad: the lack of sleep. There was one night where Dani only slept for 20 minutes from midnight to 7 am. Then when she went to bed at 7, naya came rushing in the room at 730 and woke us up. Dani was so tired she started screaming crying. Then there was another night where Jason took the first shift and Dani didn’t sleep the entire time. I took over starting around 12. And she finally fell asleep at 2:30. Then at 3 naya started crying, telling Jason to get out of the bed so that I could sleep w her. She was screaming and saying “appa bye”. Normally I let Jason calm her down so that they continue to sleep but this time she was going nuclear. So I go over and lay w her. Then Dani starts crying. So Jason goes over to Dani and calms her down. Then he wakes me up at 4:45 so we can switch bc he needs to get some sleep before work.

we’re both terrified of the nights because we just can’t predict what’s going to happen. Some nights Dani is fine and some nights she refuses to sleep. Some nights naya is fine and some nights she’s a ball of terror.

Nayas also acting up more and throwing more tantrums again. There was one day where I had to yell at her twice. Once because I took away a bag of popcorn and put some in a bowl. She took the contents and threw it on the ground and threw the bowl too. It was ugly. Then there was a time when we came back from the farmers market and I needed to feed Dani but naya told me to put Dani down so I could be w her. Crying hysterically. Jason tried to take her so she could take a bath which she needed badly but again she refused. Writhing while he was holding her. We had to wash her so I just rubbed her legs with water to clean what I could while she was wriggling in the air with Jason holding onto her. Thank god we have some formula now so even if I don’t have breast milk pumped Jason can use that.

Alright now the good: memory is short so I had to kind of force myself to recall the foregoing bad stuff. We had a great day today and it makes all the bad stuff seem like a distant memory. Today we met Naomi and Robyn at Americana and the girls had a blast. Naya also played w this Armenian girl who was like an unni and really sweet to naya. There was sunshine, coffee for the adults, and lots of laughter and happiness for the kids. Great feeling. Thank you suburbs. There’s book reading for the kids on fridays so I think I’m going to try to take naya weekly.

Then afterwards at home we feasted on some leftover wagyu jimmy brought home (wrapped them in spring rolls) and jimmy and christine played w Dani and naya. They seriously love on our kids so much I’m sooo thankful. Naya loves christine. And I think christine is the only one who really adores Dani so for that I am thankful too. I feel bad for the neglect dani gets sometimes haha.

The day before we met Naomi and Robyn at the sopas farmers market and again the girls had a blasttt. We ate too much food. Think we need to give the farmers market a break so we don’t get sick or the food. Jason bought churro kettle corn. That was pretty dang delicious. Naya loves to copy what somi does. I’m so grateful that somi is a sweet kid so naya imitates her good behavior.

Then the day before we met Eileen and Jordon at the Descanso gardens and it was gorgeous. We’re trying to plan Fun weekly things to do before Eileen and Jordon move to Fullerton (ugh still sad that’s happenin). That one was a good outing. I have to think of what we’ll do for next week...

Jasons mom joined us too and I think she was originally considering not going so she doesn’t have to drive in the dark but it was so great she came. It’s always great having her but for some reason this past Wednesday was particularly pleasant. I made us a Dutch baby for breakfast and said I’d try to make something American / different next week for Jasons mom to try when she comes since she’s always making us Korean food. We then went out to pick lemons and made lemonade with naya. Umuneem made us ddukgook and then before we knew it it was time to go to Descanso gardens. It was just a fun activity filled day. Naya was also very into Halmuni. Sometimes naya can be standoffish but this day she was playing so well and it was all so pleasantly harmonious.

Also naya is way too big for this but I just carried her in the Lille carrier the entire time. I know otherwise she’d just make me carry her anyway so may as well not kill my arms. I also checked and the weight capacity is 45 lbs for the Lille so we good for another year lol. Hopefully jk.

Ok this wasn’t really a thoughtful reflection it was more just a regurgitation of events (poorly written) but this is all I can muster right now. Goodnight.

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youcancallmemeimei · 4 years

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i didn’t like seeing the sunlight today so i slept like from the morning and just woke up. here is 12:25am. And it’s pretty quite which i like i wish there is no sound and sometime wish people just speak with handsigns so i can make excuse for not answering their question because i don’t know much hand signs lol. Jus randam thoughts. life seems more tiring for me thesedays i think (i have some illnesses)

And you don’t have to say things like i promise~ i won’t do~ kind of stuff. I think we are all just same human beings who make mistakes, eating up our own words when things change, just simply forgot to, just simply mind changed or whatver. But it happens and i do that too so don’t feel worried.

about having zero friends i feel somehow can relate because i didn’t make any friends after i moved to a new city and it’s been like 5yrs now. I first thought i would leave this city after a couple of years but for some reason i’m still here lol although the reason i moved here is becoming more fainted every year. Anyway i totally get what you are saying about how you feel happy sharing your honest thoughts and emotions with others. I don’t really share my honest thoughts and emotions like 100% of my time with others. Most of the time i care about time location and person who I speak with before i give them my words and that’s like not 100% what’s in me. This may sound kinda stressful to hold in daily life, but because i’m like that i tend to keep like one ore two best friend who i can be 90~95% real, but still not 100%. Maybe to my own brother and a very close cousin i tend to be about 99%. For my 100% i think.. i had one person about 5 years ago. And with that person i felt so different. Like i felt like i was talking naked in both my body and soul when i was talking to that person, maybe because that person was like that real to me first so naturally i could become 100% to that person i think. i can also relate how happy it could feel when you can be and share your 100% with someone else. I’m missing that happiness thesedays, and maybe that’s one of reasons why my life feel so empty. But i don’t think i can help that for myself, it’s just something that needs some god’s help i think.

And yeah you do have a beautiful soul because i kinda smell similar stuff from you which i had smelled from the person i used to know who also had a beautiful soul. and it’s a relief your dad was really the loving person to you, my parents were very strict with me when i was little but i feel that’s also part of love and i kinda miss that more or so thesedays. Like living the life on your own you get to kinda miss that certain boundaries that someone else other than you kinda already know and guide you through so you don’t get tripped over. That’s a good love i think. and whether the guidance is right or wrong, we could feel pretty secured at least.

I feel much much grateful you feel okay with waiting for me, and i do too and i mean it ^_^.

I understand that you feel so happy helping others out, but also please understand you also deserve greater love and attention from the others too, and from that i wish you could feel fully happy about receiving the love from the outside as well. and there are people who feel extremely happy to just get connected and share feelings and 100% of themselves with you. Those people will stay and care for you even they don’t express it or show themselves in your life like all the times.

Ps. Just some randome thoughts again, but I don’t like hearing the word sorry although i say it a lot myself LOL. I guess it’s sorta traumatic for me. but to me the word Sorry is more like i have other background context that i’m not feel like sharing to you so i wanna skip that part that i don’t wanna explain but rather i’d just say sorry to wrap that up and let’s switch to other topic kind of feels in it lol. It’s okay for me to hear that from other people but not really liking it when i hear it from certain people who i think we deserve more transparency in between. Usually we tend to feel giving some background context might be too tedious or can hurt the others feeling by letting them know of it but if they are really your side they’d wanna focus more on why rather than let’s just stay cool. and they will probably want to involve more and talk about it rather than just staying in distance and assume things over you. Today i kept you waiting because i slept the whole day, and hopefully it didn’t make you feel anxious either, and if it did make you anxious then let’s find out a way we can feel less anxious about it?! lol

Hope you have a goodnight and less dream so don’t need to wake up in between. Holiday is almost over here where i live, one more day and i get to go to work. My work needs me on site, so probably i will be quite during the day times and somedays i won’t be able to get back to you simply because i get to work even during the night time in my house. (I work in somewhat competitive work environment).

Well anyways, happy again to see your wall of texts that feels 100% genuine. Gnight Mei.

You didn't feel like seeing the sunlight? But why???

It's ok to long for some peace and quiet sometimes, but we also need to have human interaction in order to live fuller!

Some illnesses? I hope not, I wish you nothing but the best!

I know what is like to move to another city, actually, i moved to another city 6 years as well, and not being able to connect with the locals is quite weird, but i got used to, I took advantage of the fact that no one knows me, who I am, I'm just a foreigner, and I really like to ask... Like.. let's say ,in the supermarket.. is this how you do it here? Oh i didn't know! It makes me feel good, if the reason why you moved is almost gone you shouldn't worry to much, take advantage of the situation, life never goes as we plan, but we should always looks for the good side, remember, every cloud has a silver lining!! Plus, you have me! An online friend :)

I get what you mean by not sharing who you are 100%, and it's completely acceptable, in the other hand I share who I am so they take it or leave it, I'm not going to shape myself for someone, it's as if we were LEGO, you add things to become something like a rocket, or you take some pieces out to become a little car, but you're still a piece of lego hahahaha idk you can add things to your life and take out, but you're still yourself, and in my opinion you don't have to hide things from from others because if you hide a piece from the rocket it won't be compete, if you hide something's from others the relationship won't be complete, hiding or not telling something is completely different than waiting for the right time to say it.

I'm glad you've met someone that makes you feel confident enough to show them your soul.

You don't have to let your happiness depend on others gorgeous, i leaned that in the bad way but I'm glad I did, your happiness should only depend on you, don't give that power to anyone, babe you should be HAPPY! You deserve it. I used to think being strict was equal to not loving you, but now, I'm agree with you, it's love, taking care of each other, and of course I'll wait for you, but don't take too long, I'll wait either way, but i might get a little anxious lol

You're very sweet, but because I've been quite lonely, and I've been through a lot of stuff that I'd never wish to anyone and during those times people were rude, i learned that we should always try to make others happy and help the in every way we possibly can, because we don't know what they're going through, i prefer giving than receiving, but i hope you get extremely happy to share your feelings with me.

If you don't like the word sorry then I won't say it.

Maybe we can feel less anxious about the replies if we find a closer way to do it without being to close.... Any suggestions?

I'd like to hear more about you, and as I said, I'll wait for your replies, but... Is there anyway i don't interrupt you but still hear from you? I mean... There's always a way... If you feel comfortable enough of course, I won't do anything you don't like :)

What do you do for a living? I'm curious ^^

I'm always happy when I get your messages, and I really really hope to get more.

Have a lovely week gorgeous, may your work flows easily.

Looking forward for your replyyyyyyyyyy

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torunarigha · 4 years

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Rules: list 10 songs that you can’t stop listening to, in no particular order, and tag 10 people

I was tagged by the lovely @todaviia to do this and encouraged to do explanations too, which I will definitely do because I love any excuse to thoughtfully analyze things I love!! Especially late at night when I should be sleeping...(also I’m 100% going to listen to all the songs you put and anyone who I tagged who does this, new music is fun but new music with stories behind it is even better!!)

1. American Tune - Simon and Garfunkel live at Central Park: ah the song that sums up being american, the lingering shame and sadness but also knowing you’re forever shaped and influenced by the mythology and ideology that makes this country what it is (i guess that’s not so unique but because its U.S.A. i guess it means something worse? idk man)... before i did my Austausch year in germany, my mom introduced this song ‘for when you miss this country’. i looked at her incredulously at the time but...i get it now.

2. Urge for Going - Joni Mitchell: its funny, i got into this song right before covid and now the title is my eternal mood. joni is lovely, all of her songs i really never tire listening to (thanks mum!). the melody! the guitar! the lyrics!! ‘i get the urge for going but i never seem to go’ hits something deep...university blues i suppose.

3. You’d be so Nice to Come Home to - Nina Simone: i rediscovered this song when i listened to my jazz playlist from two years ago. I have a very clear memory of walking along a highway lined with trees on the way back home from the dentist and listening to this, enthralled. The jazz standard I associate with my mom singing it and I think this version is the only one I like better than her’s (no one can beat Nina)

4. It’s a Sin - Pet Shop Boys: I have too many melancholy ones on this list so I had to add a boppy 80s one. This summer I heard it blasting and it hasn’t left my head since. It’s best heard turned up with your eyes closed so you get the best effect from the synths (the ‘father forgive me’ always throws me and then I look at the title like ‘oh right! that’s christianity!)

5. Something in the Water - Daveed Diggs: ok full disclosure most of what i’ve been listening to lately is daveed...i have mixed feelings about clippin. songs (they’re all good songs, some i like more than others) but this is from his movie ‘blindspotting’ (which i NEED to see) and is such a good song about gentrification (specifically about oakland but i think it could be applied to many cities in the world right now lmao fuck capitalism). anyway please talk to me about daveed diggs.

6. Parting Friends - traditional (but this is a pretty version): its a hymn from the 19th century but the harmonies are beautiful and really fun to sing with someone else, if you like choral singing. i think it meant a lot to me over the quarantine time just because i felt so separated from people, although the fear of losing friends is still here...

7. Transcend - Nyota Parker: I heard this on that video where all the proceeds went to racial justice organizations and totally loved it! Empowering and relaxing, that doesn’t happen in many songs. I think in a few years it will be one of those songs that takes me back to this time in a kind of 'oof’ way.

8. O Love is Teasin’ - Rhiannon Giddens: Another recently discovered song although I’ve known her for a while (carolina chocolate drops, great if you love bluegrass! although i have a feeling there won’t be a lot of bluegrass fans on tumblr lol). this song is less bluegrass, more haunting traditional (maybe a bit celtic? idk) i know when i leave this state, i’ll listen to her when i miss it :’)

9. When I’m Gone - Phil Ochs: I need to listen to this song every day because it reminds me what’s important, ya know? Fight the power, care for each other, live in the moment...Anti-war and union songs are common place around the campfire with my family so that’s another reason I need this song right now tbh. i need more phil ochs, woody guthrie, pete seegar, judy collins...

10. Everything I Am Is Yours - The Villagers: this came on while I was walking to class yesterday and I was in just the right mood to hear it so I’ve been obsessed with it ever since. Maybe its because I’m just always a closet romantic hah...it is a sickly sweet song but 🥺all the same

I tag: @manuelmueller @divckorigi @joshiikimmich @goretzkaaas @trentalexanders @dancefaeries @thomas-mvller @modricmio @robinsbckley @steviebergwijn and if anyone else took the time to read this then i tag you too!! because dang i feel appreciated!! please tell me about your music!

most of youse i’ve talked about music with which is why i tagged you (except meggie and joshiikimmich and i think i only talked about daveed diggs with emma lol), no pressure to do it of course!

im very tired. i hope this actually makes sense when you read it. why do i poor my heart out at 1am. i should not do this. goodnight.

#tag games #i might delete this soon if i deem it too personal in the morning haha #edit: its not too personal but it certainly is not very coherent or interesting rip #hope you all enjoy anyway !

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datingintampafails · 4 years

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Chapter 8: Peter*

Ironically, it was very easy to pick out a fake name for this guy because of the journey I am about to bring you on, in which this was a name that was relevant during this date. This is a long entry despite this date being the only one, and only maybe two hours, simply because it has thus far been the worst date I have ever been on in my life, and I remember every damn detail.

Sometimes when I’m on Bumble, I get in really weird moods where if it looks like the guy isn’t going to respond to my message (they have 24 hours to respond or they disappear), then I will put in a snarky comment as the clock ticks just to make myself feel vindicated. When I picked my opening message to Peter*, I chose to do a pick-up line, which is something I never do.

Peter* looked a lot like Dr. Chase from House, that is, Australian, blonde, blue eyes, good looking. Therefore my message went like this: “I have a really bad pick-up line if you’d like to hear it.” After it became hour 23, I was like ok it’s snarky time. Simply put, I said, “whatever you’re missing out.” LO and behold the dude finally responds and says “Lol ok go ahead.”

Now it is my time to shine. I say “Wow ok now the pressure is on. Here goes,” “Part One: Are you Australian? Part Two: because I’d go down under for you.” He laughs or whatever and goes into just talking. He asks if I want to come over to watch a movie that night and I’m feeling spontaneous so I say sure, but preface that despite my dirty pick-up line that I’m not interested in a hookup situation.

He seems still interested so I discuss with him that I am going to cook dinner for myself and because it is a meal kit, that he would be doing me a favor by sharing the meal with me and eating it. So I cook the meal and bring the pot of pasta over to his place, which is in St. Petersburg, which is about 30 minutes and across a bridge.

He gave me instructions to pull up in front of his apartment complex and that he would meet me out there to help me find parking. He definitely over complicated things as there was street parking that was easy to find on the other side of the building to where I pulled up. He comes to my car and gets in and immediately I can smell smoke. I’m like great, that’s not super attractive but I’m here, let’s just see how this goes. We park and he holds the food and we go to his place.

He warns me that his place is messy; however, I’m thinking like everyone says that, it’s just a thing people say when they don’t have a pristine home that is perfectly maintained, which can only be achieved if you have a daily maid service or you legitimately have severe OCD. When I walk in the door, a wave of smell hits me. The predominant smell was definitely that of weed. The kitchen sink was a mountain of dishes and I honestly didn’t want to make direct eye contact with it as it would give me anxiety. He asks me if the place smells and I say that it smells like weed. He asks if I smoke and I say not my thing, but I don’t care what other people do. This is true, but I still expect people to be on their A-game for a date…. More on that later.

It was a studio apartment, and so everything was there. I had to use the bathroom but was afraid to see how bad the bathroom may be based on everything else. I would later hold my pee literally until I got home hours later. I asked if he could find some clean silverware and plates.

His buddy from out of town had slept over, I guess, the night before, so the futon was still flat. So on this date, I am put to work to help him fold it back into a couch. It was a struggle and took like 3 minutes, so afterward I sat on the couch while he searched for clean utensils. I was charged with picking out a movie. This in itself was a difficult mission. I went to his Hulu account, none of the profiles said his real name. I had to ask, “Peter*, which account is yours?” He is clueless. He finally says oh it’s the one that says Peter (not his real name, actually Peter), thus why I chose Peter for his name for the purposes of this memoir. He says it’s his ex’s account and I’m like “oh… ok, does she know you still use the account?” and he says she doesn’t. Nothing is good on Hulu so I swap to Netflix. Keep in mind the guy is still searching for something clean for us to eat with. Now on Netflix, none of the names are his; again, I ask which profile is his. This time it’s “Mark.” I’m done asking questions. I don’t even want to know at this time. So I choose the movie Get Him to The Greek. It’s funny and not that long so I picked it.

Five minutes after beginning his search, he is still looking for anything clean. Bro couldn’t even find plastic silverware. He emerges finally with a serving spoon and those measuring cup keychain packs and two paper plates. He hands me the serving spoon. I am thinking, “what the fuck is this.” So I use my serving spoon to put the food on each plate and start the movie. I struggle to eat this butternut squash ravioli with a giant ass spoon, and he’s wolfing down his food with literally a measuring cup. At least he doesn’t smack his mouth when he eats, I think.

Already I’d say this is going pretty terrible. Fifteen minutes into the movie, he gets up and gets something from a desk. Peter* cracks open his window and he starts smoking weed like right in front of me. I don’t say shit. All I know is that I cannot wait for this movie to be over so I can leave. He returns to the couch and decides now he’s gonna be cuddly. I just kinda let him put his arm around me but I don’t really do much else.

I try to get a conversation going but the dude is straight-up stoned. We were talking about something or another and he started a follow-up question. “What are you…” then he trails off. I give him a solid minute then say “What are you… what?” He’s like “huh?” I say, “Well you started to ask me a question and then stopped after those three words…” He says “Oh…. I have no idea. Hah.” I think my soul left my body at this point.

More of the movie goes over. He goes to smoke again. He returns to the couch. He sits far away from me. Suddenly, and I mean suddenly, he leans super far over and tries to kiss me. I swiftly lean the other direction and let out a sort of “ehhhhhhh” noise. He still manages somehow to kiss my cheek, which is better than my mouth because I am not into it. I have no idea why he thought that was a good idea. I think we were in different dimensions. Shortly after that, I mentioned, “I think after this movie ends I’m going to go home. I’m tired and my dog needs me.” Not necessarily a lie. I was tired and my dog does need me.

The movie finally ends, he asks if I’m going to eat the rest of the food or if he could have some. I say I think I will eat the leftovers for lunch, but at this point, he’s already dipped his measuring cup into the pot and grabbed a couple of ravioli. He says, “oh ok I won’t take more then.” Especially with people I am not comfortable with, I am weird about people using used utensils on food. So immediately I knew that I was actually going to throw the remainder out since he just touched them with his used whatever.

He then puts on his shoes and goes to show me the way out of his apartment complex. He runs into one of his neighbors and they make small talk. I am mortified and just cannot wait to get out of this place. We come out of the elevator, and he walks me towards where I had pulled my car up to meet him, AKA the wrong side. As we’re walking to the door I passively mention this is the wrong side, “Oh this is the front of the building.” We walk out of the doors and he says drive safe bye and gives me an awkward side hug. I stand there like, what an ending to this rollercoaster ride. At this point, I don’t even give a fuck. I know where I am and I walk to my car, get in, and drive as fast as I can to get home.

I arrive home and my phone dings; a text from Peter*. It says “Shit I’m so sorry.” At this point, the apology could be for any number of things so I simply reply “? I just got back home” He says “OK just walked you out the wrong side not a huge deal just thought you were parked on that side lol nevermind.” I say, “hahahahahahahahaha you just realized?” All the haha’s because I am just in such disbelief that this man was so stoned that he walked me out the wrong side.

He says, out of order “Glad you got home goodnight :)” and “I did lol.” I decide to passively tell him he is a dumbass, “I kinda said something I was like oh this is the front ok.” He comes back with a non sequitur, “I am a tad weird I understand that lol”

I never speak to or hear back from him again, thankfully. I hope he was embarrassed. I hope he knows how terrible that date was. I’m glad I didn’t even HAVE to ghost him or tell him he needed to fuck off. I will never forget this whole chapter.

#bumble #tinder #dating #tampa #hinge #stpete #tampabay #clearwater

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hollyxqx · 5 years

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just business // shownu // 02

↪ PAIRING: Reader / Shownu ↪ SUMMARY: Y/N’s mysterious new neighbour has definitely caught your eye. He’s quiet but the two of strike up an unlikely friendship. He doesn’t speak about his work to you and you don’t ask, but when his job puts your life in danger questions have to be answered once and for all.

↪ WARNINGS: SEX | more violence | angst | Kihyun's mad lol | this chapter is long

"I cannot fucking believe it," Kihyun breathed, almost in awe. His hands cradled the expensive liquor bottle as he read the label, confirming it was the real thing. "You sure you're not sleeping with him?" He teased, earning an eye roll from you. It was the next day and you had brought the alcohol into work to show Kihyun, knowing he would appreciate it as well.

"I tried to give it back," You laughed, shaking your head. "He wouldn't take it. I even offered to share it with him, but that was also a big fat no."

"He must be rich," Kihyun guessed. "You don't just buy a gift like this if you aren't."

"Hm, maybe." You agreed. "I have no idea what he does for work, so he might be."

"Then why does he live in your building? If you have this much money surely you'd live in absolute luxury?" He pondered aloud, setting the bottle back down on the desk. The bar was closed and the two of you were finishing the end of month paperwork in the back office.

"Hey!" You complained. "There's nothing wrong with my place."

"I know," He rolled his eyes. "I just meant, he's clearly got money, why is he not using it?"

"I don't know," You sighed, turning your attention back to your paperwork. "He's very...private." You were going to say secretive but that wasn't technically true, as far as you know Shownu hadn't lied to you. He was just very selective with what information you knew, keeping his cards close to his chest.

"And weird." Kihyun added pointing a finger at you. Ignoring his comment you finished up your work and put the papers away, finishing up for the night. Kihyun was hanging around waiting for you since he'd promised to drive you home tonight. Your car was in for repair so you appreciated it.

"I'm all done, shall we go?" You asked. He nodded and followed you as you locked up the office and turned of all the lights. You made sure everything was off in the bar and followed Kihyun to his car, slipping into the passenger seat. He started the engine and began the drive to your place. It was comfortably silent in the car, with nothing but the radio playing softly in the background.

"Noona?" Kihyun asked breaking the silence. You turned to look at your friend. "Can we hang out this weekend?"

"Of course, Ki." You replied. "Just text me when and where."Kihyun smiled and focused back on his driving. It wasn't long before you were in the parking lot of your building. He left the engine running and you unclicked your seatbelt. "Thanks for the lift, kid."

"I'm not a kid!" He groaned. "I'm a man. A big, manly man." He said, puffing his chest out, making you laugh as you got out the car.

"Goodnight, manly man." You said with a wave, shutting the car door.

You did the usual routine of checking for mail and made your way to the elevator but something caught your eye. There were emergency stairs to the right of the door and your eyes landed on Shownu, his hand wrapped around the throat of a man that was almost as big as he was. You froze, watching him slam the mans head harshly into the wall. "Don't fucking come here again," Shownu growled, his voice low and terrifying. The man's nose was bleeding and his eye was swollen, and you wondered if it was by Shownu's hands. "Or I'll fucking kill you myself." His voice was deadly, the threat very much real. His knuckles were turning white around the man's throat.

As if sensing you standing there, the trapped man's eyes flickered towards you. That caught Shownu's attention and he turned to see what he was looking at. "Y/N, leave." He commanded, his grip loosening on his victim. You wanted to but your legs weren't working, frozen in shock. "GO!" Shownu boomed and that seemed to bring you back to the real world and you hurried away, not even attempting to use the elevator.

Your hands were shaking when you made it to your apartment, adrenalin pulsing throughout your body. You unlocked the door after 3 attempts and let yourself in. What was that? You had known from that night Shownu might have been a violent person but actually witnessing it was another story. He was downright frightening, you thought as the sound of his voice threatening to kill that man replayed in your brain.

You let out a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. You walked to your bedroom and started to get ready for bed, mind still buzzing. You pulled on a huge t-shirt as your pyjamas, it was hot and you just wanted to be comfortable. The jeans and socks you were wearing came off but you left your underwear on. You walked back into the kitchen and grabbed a drink, choosing to settle down on the sofa in front of the TV. You were too fired up to sleep just yet.

After what felt like hours you were dozing off on the sofa when you heard a knock at your door, jolting you wide awake. The clock on the tv read 2am, meaning only an hour had passed since you arrived home. You cautiously walked to your door, standing on tip toes to look through the peephole. To your surprise, Shownu was standing on the other side. Confused, you cracked open the door just enough so you could hide your bare legs.

"Hi," He said softly. "I'm sorry about before..." He trailed off, searching for the right words.

You quickly shook your head, you didn't really want to talk about it. "No, no, no, don't worry!" You forced out. "Thanks for apologising, have a good night." You started to shut the door but Shownu pressed his large palm against the wood stopping it from closing.

"I can explain." His voice was quiet.

"You don't need to, really." You said quickly.

"I want to." He sounded so sincere, you almost felt a bit guilty about brushing him off like this. The truth was you'd seen a side to him that shocked you, and he felt even more like a stranger now. "Please? Can I come in?"

You hesitated for a moment. Did you really want this violent man in your apartment? You peered up at him and his eyes were sad. He looked genuinely sorry, and you realised he'd let his guard down a little. "Ok," You said eventually and opened the door wider allowing him to walk through. His eyes immediately went down to your bare legs and you flushed with embarrassment, completely forgetting you didn't have pants on.

"Did I wake you?" He said, still looking at your body. You felt hot under his gaze and tugged on your shirt subconsciously as if that would help. "Sorry." He added.

"Let's sit in here." You mumbled and walked through to the living room. You sat on the sofa first and grabbed a cushion, using it hide your legs. He sat down opposite you and let out a small sigh, rubbing a hand over his face. He looked tired.

"I really am sorry you had to see that," He began. "And I'm sorry I spoke to you like that."

"You scared me." You admitted in a small voice. He looked down at his lap as if he was ashamed.

"I had to get you out of there," He said quietly. "That man that I was with....that man is not a good man. Trust me."

"And you're a good man?" You said without thinking. "I take it that black eye and broken nose were your doing?"

Shownu lifted his head up and locked eyes with you. "I try to be. And yes, they were."

"Why?"

"He was going to kill me." Shownu said bluntly. "That's why he was here, actually."

This whole time you had suspected Shownu was involved in something. You didn't know what but you weren't stupid. Hearing him actually say it out loud though felt like some strange dream. "Did you kill him?" You asked before you could stop yourself.

"No." Was all Shownu said. You hugged the cushion tightly to your body, which he noticed. "You're scared of me." He pointed out. You shook your head no but it was a lie. "Don't be," He said softly, almost pleading. A hand reached out and gently touched your arm. "There are lots of people to be scared of, don't let me be one of them Y/N."

"How can I not be after that?" You mumbled.

"I understand. Really, I do. I just wanted you to know that I'm not some petty thug, and there was a reason why that happened tonight." He withdrew his hand from you and leaned back a little on the sofa.

"Why do you care what I think?" You asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I just do, Y/N." You froze, unsure of exactly what that meant.

"You confuse me." He frowned at your words. "I can't read you at all. Sometimes you act like a stranger, then you buy me this expensive gift, then it's back to being cold towards me. And I know so little about you, I can't even tell if this is because you hate me or if it's just how you are."

Shownu closed his eyes for a moment. "I definitely don't hate you." He said, opening them.

"So this is just how you are? Moody?" You scoffed.

"That's what you think?" He asked. "Y/N, believe it or not I actually like you. Quite a bit actually." His eyes were searching yours, waiting for a reaction. You were at a loss for words. "But you saw what happened here tonight, and that night a few weeks ago. My life is not exactly safe and stable. Anyone I get involved with gets put in danger too. I didn't want to do that to you." He said, somewhat sadly. "So I kept my distance."

"I feel like I'm involved already." You said quietly and looked down at your lap. Suddenly Shownu reached over, using a finger to gently lift your head back up. His expression was one of sadness.

"I'm sorry." He said sincerely. You studied his face. He was so handsome, especially up close. He had such soft features you'd never expect him to be as violent as he was. He even looked like he could be a model. "Y/N," He said, voice barely above a whisper. His hand snaked round to the back of your neck, fingers tangling in you hair as he gripped you. He licked his lips and you felt your heart start to race as he leaned in closer. "Can I kiss you?" His breath was hot against your lips and you nodded. His lips connected to yours, so softly and delicately, not at all like you expected the kiss to be. You tried to pull away but he gripped you a little tighter, running his tongue along your bottom lip and slipping it into your mouth. You moaned at the feeling of his tongue on yours and this only encourage him, nipping your bottom lip with his teeth. Eventually you pulled apart, staring at each other.

"Wow." Was all you managed to get out and Shownu cracked a rare genuine smile at you. All you could think about was kissing him again.

"I should go," He said, standing up. You nodded and followed suit, walking him to your front door. At the door he kissed you on the forehead softly and stepped out into the hallway. "Can I see you soon? This weekend?" He suggested.

"Ok," You breathed.

"Goodnight." He said walking away and you shut the door behind him, leaning against it, excitement pooling in the pit of your stomach. What a strange night.

***

It wasn't long before Shownu was back at your apartment like you'd agreed. This time he'd barely said anything to you, attacking your lips with his as soon as the door was shut. Which is how you ended up fucking in the hallway before he carried you to your bed, ready for a second round. "You really want to go again?" You asked him breathlessly as he laid you on top of the duvet, crawling over you.

"Mmhm," He murmured sexily, kissing your neck. You felt like your skin was on fire from his touch. "I never got the chance to eat you out." He added and you groaned in pleasure at the idea of his head between your legs. He removed the remaining clothing you had, leaving you fully naked before him. You had both been so desperate before that he had fucked you while you had your shirt and bra on. Shownu was now kissing sloppily down your torso, settling himself between your legs. "I'm gonna make you feel so good." He looked up at you, smiling as you bit your lip in anticipation.

"Shownu!" You gasped when he kissed the inside of your thigh. Even though he'd made you cum once already you were still so turned on by him. You felt him smile into your skin at the desperation in your voice. He kissed his way to your pussy deliberately avoiding touching you were you wanted it most. "Shownu," You whined. "Don't tease me." Your were writhing on the bed now, desperate once more for him.

He chuckled a little but complied. You moaned loudly when you felt his tongue curl against your clit. He was so gentle, just like when he kissed you. "You taste so good." He said, pushing a finger into you. You were so wet you could feel it and he wasted no time in adding a second one. He continued to lick you while pumping his fingers in and out of your core. "Oh my god," You whined, hands gripping the sheet tightly. You felt like you were going to pass out from the pleasure. "Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop." You breathed.

He didn't relent and you could feel your orgasm rapidly approaching. You arched your back feeling the pressure build up and he put a hand on your hip to hold you in place. "Are you gonna cum for me?" He asks, fingers still moving rapidly, his dark eyes filled with lust. You nodded furiously, unable to find your words. "Then cum." He curled his fingers, making you cry out. His tongue went back to your clit and that's all it took for you to find your release, clamping down hard against his fingers.

"That was even better than the first one." You breathed, with a small laugh. Shownu smiled, proud. He licked his fingers clean and climbed back up next to you.

"Seriously, you taste amazing." He smirked at you, enjoying the slight flush in your cheeks at the compliment. "I'm definitely going down on you again before I leave."

"Fine with me." You said, rolling on top of him so that you were straddling his waist. He still had his shirt on and you tugged at it. He took the hint and lifted his arms, letting you pull it over his head. You traced the angry red scar on his chest with your finger tips. It had healed well since that night you helped him. He gripped your hips, grinding you into his erection, ripping you from your thoughts and you let out a loud moan.

"Can I fuck you again Y/N?" He said, voice thick with desire. He thrusted his hips up a little so that the head of his dick moved over your entrance, sliding up to your clit. He was rock hard again and you groaned at the sensation.

"Please," You rasped, breathing heavily. "Please fuck me Shownu."

You leaned down and kissed him, tongues clashing in desperation. "Ride me." He commands and you position yourself over his length. Slowly you sank down on him, taking him a bit at a time. His dick was huge, the biggest you'd ever experienced and you didn't want to hurt yourself. "God, you take me so well." He groaned when he was finally all the way inside you, pressing his head backwards into the mattress.

"Fuck," You moaned. "I feel so fucking full." His hands gripped your hips so tightly you knew there would be bruises. He started to bounce you up and down on his dick, the burn from the sheer size of him turning into pleasure.

"You're so beautiful Y/N." He said, following it with a deep throaty moan. The compliment made your heart swell, it was the first time he ever said anything like that to you. "Shit, you feel so good." He sighed. He shifted so he was sitting up, the new angle allowing him to get much deeper inside of you. Hands wrapped around your body, bringing you close, naked chests touching. He slid one down to your ass cheek, grabbing it tightly in pleasure as you rocked your hips into his.

You buried your head in his neck, already falling apart at the warm euphoria taking over your body. You wondered if you would cum again, so soon after the last time. The sweat is starting to pour off of him and you clung to him harder, desperate to feel his skin against yours. "I'm close already." He breathed into your ear. He was grunting with every snap of your hips and you could feel his dick pulse inside of you.

Without warning he flipped you onto your back, arms cradling underneath your shoulders. This way he was in control and he began to pound into you relentlessly, chasing his own orgasm. "Fuck," You cried at the new pace. "Harder Shownu, harder-!"

He growled at your words and increased his movements. The headboard was rattling so hard against the wall you were sure the neighbours could hear it.

"Fuck, Y/N -!" He gasped, his breathing short. "I'm gonna fucking cum." His thrusts are messy and you could tell he was barely holding on.

"Cum for me," You whispered. "Cum for me Shownu, cum in me, fill me up."

That did it, sending him over the edge. With one loud groan he emptied his load in you, thrusting until you were full. Eventually they slowed to a stop and you both stayed there for a moment, regaining your breath. He lifted his head up from the crook of your neck and pecked you on the lips. His dark hair was wet with sweat and clung to his forehead, cheeks red from exertion. Even like this you couldn't believe how gorgeous he looked. "Sorry you didn't get to cum again," He said breaking the silence, his breathing more regular now. "I couldn't last any longer. You felt too damn good." He smiled that gorgeous smile of his again and your heart fluttered.

"Don't be silly, twice in one night is more than fine." You laughed.

He pulled out of you and the two of you began to clean yourselves up. You hadn't expected to sleep with him so soon but you couldn't resist his advances the second you felt his mouth on yours. Once you were both dressed again you retreated to the living room. "Shall we finally try that tequila?" He suggested.

"Sure, I'll get it." You walked to the cabinet in the kitchen where it sat unopened. You grabbed it, along with two glasses and headed back to Shownu. "I still can't believe you bought this." You muttered pouring a little each glass.

"I wanted to do something nice for you." He shrugged.

"Flowers are fine." You joked, earning a laugh from him. You clinked glasses and sipped the clear liquid. "Oh my god," You exclaim looking at the glass incredulously. "This is amazing."

"Hmm," He hummed in agreement. "I'm glad you like it."

You poured each of you another glass, already feeling the effects of the alcohol go to your head. "What are you doing for the rest of the day?" You asked, finishing your second drink.

"Nothing," He replied. "I was hoping I could spend it with you..."

You smiled up at him, his words making your belly do flops with excitement. You felt like a teenager with a crush, giddy and horny. "Sounds good to me."

***

A loud banging on your door brought you out of the deep sleep you had fallen into. Groggily you sat up, taking a second to orientate yourself. It was morning. You must have slept through the night. Next to you Shownu had sat bolt upright, instantly wide awake. "Someone's at your front door." He stated, his voice husky from sleeping. You got out of bed, still naked and half asleep and pulled on Shownu's shirt. As you got closer to the front door the unmistakable sound of your name could be heard.

"Y/N!" It was Kihyun. He knocked again, louder. You rushed over to the front door in a panic, fearing the worst. Why was he here? You swung the door open before he had a chance to make anymore noise.

"Kihyun?!" You exclaimed. "What's going on?"

"Oh my god, I thought something had happened to you." He said, sighing with relief. He rushed into your apartment and pulled you into his arms. You were paralysed with confusion, and very aware of the lack of underwear on your body. "Don't ever do this to me again!"

"Kihyun -" You started, pushing yourself out of his arms. "What on earth are you talking about?"

He looked just as confused as you. "Noona, we were supposed to meet yesterday." He stated, matter of factly. "I got worried when you didn't show. I tried calling and texting but I couldn't get through. When even more time went by I couldn't stand it, so I thought I'd make sure you were ok."

You felt like you had a rock in your stomach. You had completely forgotten about making plans with Kihyun. Wrapped up in the excitement of being with Shownu you hadn't even looked at your phone in more than 24 hours, and you guess it had probably died in that time. The realisation made your heart pang with guilt. "Oh my god Ki, I'm so so so sorry! I forgot!"

"You forgot?" He said in a small voice and the feeling in your chest worsened.

"No, well - yes, but it's not like that." You explained quickly, fumbling over your words. "I ended up stuck doing something else, and was too busy to look at my phone. I'm so sorry." You felt ashamed at letting down your good friend.

"What were you doing?" He asked, confusion flickering on his young face.

You bit your lip. You didn't want to lie to Kihyun but you knew if he told the truth he'd be angry. "My friend came over, and then we got a bit drunk and fell asleep. That's why I didn't call."

"You worried me, you know." He sighed, taking your hand in his. You were forgiven, for now. You gave his hand a squeeze.

"I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you." You promised. "I'll buy you dinner after work next week."

"If you don't I'll quit." He threatened but you smiled, knowing he wasn't serious.

"What time is it?" You asked, suddenly realising you hadn't looked at a clock yet.

"It's about 9am." Kihyun answered. "Do you want a lift to work today?" He asked. You hadn't even thought about the fact you still didn't have a car, mind so preoccupied with Shownu. "I can hang out here until then?" He suggested.

You remembered Shownu in the other room. "No!" You shouted, startling Kihyun. He looked perplexed at your outburst. "My friend is still here..." You trailed off, knowing he would click and realise exactly what that meant.

"Oh..." His eyes raked over your outfit and you could practically see the gears turning in his head. "Oh. That kind of friend." He muttered, his cheeks burning with the sudden realisation. He let go of your hand roughly pushing it away. "Let me guess, it's your fucking weirdo neighbour isn't it?" He mocked, his voice louder now, anger rising within him.

"Ki - " You started to say but he cut you off.

"I knew it! You lied to me!! You said you weren't sleeping with him!" He shouted. You prayed that Shownu couldn't hear any of this but your apartment was small and he wasn't deaf.

"Calm down," You pleaded. "I didn't lie to you, it was the truth at the time."

"But not anymore." He grumbled. "I'm a fucking idiot. I was worried about you, thinking something awful had happened, because Y/N would never stand me up, and the whole time it's because you were too busy spreading your legs for the creep that's trying to buy your affection." He spat, his words tearing through you. The whole time you'd know him Kihyun had never spoke to you so harshly. He was your good natured younger friend. You were his noona.

"Kihyun, don't be like this. I really am sorry."

"He can fucking take you to work." He said angrily. "I'm leaving." You called at him to stop but he ignored you, roughly swinging the door open and slamming it on his way out. You just stood there for a moment trying to process what had just happened. This was the first time you'd ever even had a fight with Kihyun.

"You okay?" Shownu spoke, his voice bringing you back to reality. He was standing in the hallway, having slipped his boxers back on but he was still shirtless. You nodded weakly. "I heard most of that, sorry." He admitted.

"It's okay," You sighed. "Not your fault."

He closed the distance between you and wrapped his long arms around you, pulling you into his chest. "I am a bad, bad friend." You mumbled, pressing your face into his body.

"People make mistakes, it doesn't make you bad." He said quietly, rubbing your back. "Is this the friend I saw you with before? In the lobby?"

You recalled the way he had looked at Kihyun that day and how much it looked like he was your boyfriend. "Yes," You answered. "He's a good guy, I've never seen him act like this before."

"He likes you, Y/N." He says casually. "That's why he's acting out."

"No, no it's not like that. We're just really close and I let him down."

Shownu cocked a disbelieving eyebrow at you. "If you say so." A few moments of silence passed before he spoke again. "Anyway, can this creep take you to work?" He smirked and you laughed, giving him a nod. You hoped Kihyun would have calmed down by then and you could talk, otherwise it would be a long shift.

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