#ok I’m back. shit be wack yo

[themunofprovidence]

So I’m doing some calculations to make a conversion table between liters, millibuckets, and blocks, and I just realized something kinda weird. As it currently stands with current crafting recipes, a stick has the same volume of a slab. 3 planks blocks = 6 slabs, 2 planks blocks = 4 sticks. 3:6 and 2:4, both simplify to 1:2. A stick has the same volume as half a block. That’s kinda insane. I was tag rambling for a bit but I need to talk up here some more. A block is a cubic meter, which means that it is 1000 liters of volume. Ergo a slab is 500 liters. Which means a Minecraft stick is 500 liters of wood. BRB gonna go check the density of wood (kilograms per liter). Ok I’m back, 500 liters of oak wood are 352 kilograms, which comes out to 776 pounds. What in the fuck.

Btw here’s the conversion ratios: 1 millibucket is 0.771604938272 liters, 1 liter is 1.296 millibuckets. 1 block is 1296 millibuckets, or 1000 liters.

[momowho34]

So that story about Dionysus being the son of Persephone is awful and gross for like 10 different reasons but can we stop and just appreciate how amazingly they would get along? Like dionysus has mysterious chthonic connections on his own and both of them show evidence of being preceded by really old and dangerous figures and they both have rebirth themes and agricultural themes and I just keep imagining

(This isn’t for a fandom it’s just straight up Greek mythology btw)

———————————————————————

Styx: Yeah idk, I just... found him here?

Dionysus, after wandering into the underworld and passing out next to the river Styx, wearing dramatic grape vines, drunk as fuck, tired, entirely oblivious to anything ever, should be totally harmless but still has the faintest aura of the maddened screams of the dying and the roar of lions drifting around him: hnngh???

Persephone, tearing up: *gasps* new bestie!!!!

Styx: ??????

———————————————————————

Persephone, during their weekly visits, painting his nails: *sighs* it’s just.... so exhausting to be raised from the dead every year, y’know? Really fucks with my beauty routine. I love seeing my mom but being brought back to life is just a little tedious. Dying is like so much easier.

Dionysus, feeding Cerberus ghost pork chops under the table with his other hand: oh sweetheart I know. I’ve died and been reborn three times, did you know that? Exhausting. Every. Single. Time.

Persephone: omg dish!!!!

———————————————————————

Persephone, on the way to the fields of Elysian with Dionysus: I just don’t understand why you had to kill him! He was so close to reuniting with his wife... er- whatever her name was, but they were really cute and you know how I am about love stories I just... I’m so upset!!!

Dionysus, carrying Orpheus’s soul over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes: look, he was ruining my vibe, okay? I really value my vibe! That’s just how it is. Besides, he lost his chance to find her in the living world when he turned around and saw her. Now he gets to reunite with his lover.... dicey-universe or whatever her name was.

Orpheus, weakly: Eurydice, my beloved that I lost, oh how her beauty was- ack!

Dionysus, frowning, wacking Orpheus over his shoulder: hush, you. We’re almost there. If you start waxing poetic or singing about tragic love again I will throw you into Asphodel so fast-

Persephone: oh don’t pretend that you didn’t come down here to save your wife a long time ago.

Dionysus, scoffing: okay, but that’s different! I am allowed to be here. Ariadne just came down for a little visit, she wasn’t planning to stay dead!

Persephone: .....I’m not entirely sure you understand how death works, dionysus.

———————————————————————

Hades, sighing: honey I don’t want to limit your friend circle, it’s just that it’s dangerous for someone to traverse between realms like this!

Persephone: I’m telling you though, he is a death god!

Hades: darling I’m finding it hard to believe that the god of wine and partying is-

Dionysus, turning the corner, with his horns and thrysus and slit pupil eyes and leopard skin and somehow giving off ancient old god eldritch abomination energy despite wearing sunglasses and drinking a smoothie: ‘Sup fuckers.

Hades, backing away: dear fucking Kronos yeah that’s a death god, that’s a really old death, that’s an old as Tarterus death god, holy fucking shit okay have fun sweetie he’s free to hang out down here whenever he wants I’m going to go throw up have fun you two bye no way I’m fucking with this shit not today-

———————————————————————

(tw: people talking about sex)

Persephone: okay but you can’t have had sex with that many nymphs! I know those girls! Boroe, Khonoris, Nikaia, Methe, Pallene-

Dionysus, sighing: Okay, okay, it wasn’t that many nymphs and humans! Just... look, let’s stop talking about my love life and talk about yours, hmm? Like did you have any other romantic escapades other then Mr. Scary Pants here?

Persephone: hmmm.... well there was this one really cute guy that I hung out with for a while, Adonis. He was pretty great, honestly.

Dionysus: ooh, Adonis... I remember him, he was really cute- shit, sorry, I had a fling with him too but this isn’t about me, go on.

Persephone, rolling her eyes: ugh, of course you did. Anyway, he’s no use to me dead, and he got killed by Ares.

Dionysus: oof, Ares. Fate worse then death. Why was he killed by Ares?

Persephone: because he slept with Aphrodite, Ares really hates it when people sleep with his girlfriend.

Dionysus, reminiscing: oooohhh, Aphrodite. Now she was definitely something, I remember this one time we- why are you looking at me like that?

Persephone:

Persephone: you.

Persephone: you never told me you slept with aPHRODITE- *assorted sounds of screaming and crashing*

———————————————————————

Demeter, exasperated, during the summer months: oh by the Titans, you can’t seriously be telling me that you’re friends with Bacchus of all people.

Persephone: but why! He’s an agriculture god, you two should get along! Plus he’s not dangerous- ok, he’s a little dangerous, but like, not to me!

Demeter, sighing: sweetheart I assure you, it’s not about if he’s dangerous-

Dionysus, popping through a window, looking at Demeter: heeeyyyyy! yo, it’s Bread Basket, my favorite bestie!!! I’m doing real good at this domesticated planting thing, I’m a born natural at it hahaha!!! I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been taking really good care of the vineyards you helped me plant, absolutely no fires or villager beheadings so far! I promise no more screw ups- *glances behind him* oh my gods you stupid fucking satyr’s, that is the ONE plot of land that you’re not supposed to- Sorry Demi, gotta go good luck with the.... whatever it is you do, bye!!!

Persephone, staring in awe as Dionysus runs back to the fields and desperately tries to corrall the satyr’s in his cult that are munching on grape vines as the maenads cheer and throw sticks in the background: wow. I’ve never... ive never seen this side of him before.

Demeter, putting her head in her hands: yet another reason why I wish I had your luck, Kore.

———————————————————————

Dionysus, standing next to persephone, watching Psyche skip away with a box of beauty cream tucked under her arm: ....You know she’s gonna open that box.

Persephone: yep.

Dionysus: and that it’s going to kill her?

Persephone: yep.

Dionysus: and that doesn’t bother you?

Persephone, sighing: look, have a little faith in Eros. He’s a resourceful little shit, he’ll figure something out, and watching Aphrodite realize she’s been bested by her own son will taste like poetry. I can’t wait to see it.

Dionysus, whistling: damn gurl you hold a grudge.

Persephone, narrowing her eyes: only against Aphrodite. Only against Aphrodite.

———————————————————————

Dionysus: anyway I was *Baby Melinoe grabs his arm and he freezes* oh my god what is that

Persephone, laughing: that’s just my daughter, Dionysus. I think she likes you.

Dionysus: fuck. Oh gods. um- uhhhhh- what I do with it, I don’t know- I don’t know what to do with it-

Melinoe: *laughs*

Dionysus, sweating: oh no. Why did it make that sound? Did I break it? Is it- is it broken??? What am I supposed to do with this??? Is it okay????

Persephone: gods this is so going in the fucking scrapbook.

Melinoe: *latches onto Dionysus’s arm as he continues to panic*

Dionysus: persephone is it okay? Is it broken? Persephone I’m not kidding your husband honestly freaks me the fuck out I don’t wanna break your kid oh my gods

Persephone: she usually doesn’t like people she doesn’t know-

Melinoe: *starts to climb on him*

Dionysus: oh fuck, no no no what is it doing, Persephone I’m not kidding what is it doing, what is it doing Persephone get it off me oh my gods I’m not joking perSEPHONE-

[thesvenqueen]

TO THE END

S&B Episode 8 (I get a bit rabmle-y at the end there but, it's a good end review I swear!!)

- l've loved the switch in title cards every episode, really great detail and so fun to see what they come up with - bowler hat gang UNITE - HOW DARE YOU FORGET MILO WTF - oop Zoya piecing the puzzle together, yes girl - AHHHH MATTHIAS AND NINA YEEEES. - >.> there's only ONE BED <.< - NO DON'T LEAVE - :( god damn it, y'all killing me here - can you at least share the bed before you go?? - YES TO KERCH, LETS GO - "I will keep you warm" ASKLFGKLASDGBASDFNKB - WE NEARLY HAD A KISS WHY YOU AHHHHHHHHDLKASGALSKDHGVLSDKVBLKS - omg they let them get waffles I COULD CRY - oh they were so happy god DAMN IT - Fedyor WHY WHY WHY WHYYYY THEY WERE HAPPY GDI - they dooo though they dooooooo - UGHHHH we got 3 mins of happiness ffs I hate it hereeee - "remember who's driving" bitch I know you did NOT - bro Inej realizing someone is below deck with them YES YES YES - "I'll ask again, who are you?" god Jesper intimidating is HOT AF HELLO??? - boy Kaz has no buisness looking that good too jesus - mhmmmm, you be right Alina. - yeaaaaaaaah this is bad, this is really bad - ohhhhhhhhh my GOD - bruh, the SCREAMS wtf - ffs Mal can you please listen for once - INEJ COME ON YOU TOO???? UGHHHH - ok book quote I see you, nicely done - "us" it's just you tf you mean - again, Mal, I know you said you're not smart but bruh what kind of plan was that - JESPER NOOO YOU DON'T GET IT YO - YEAHHH BEAT HIS ASS INEJ - HE CALLED HER WRAITH OHHHHH - Ivan jfc - NOOOOOO INEJ - ZOYA HELL YES LETS GO - JESPER, BOY, THAT WAS DOPE BUT THE CUT OH MY GOD OH MY GOD - KAZ COMING IN CLUTCH THANK FUCK - she kissed the knife before she threw it I am just...I am dying hello HELP?!? - INEJ GOT THE DARKLING BITCH I SEE YOU QUEEN - Kaz is literally laying on top of Jesper even with his phobia I can not right now - girl don't you waste all your knives!!! - KAZ. WITH THE CANE. PROTECTING HIS INVESTMENTS. FUCK YES. lmao - owowowwowowowow my hand owowowow - YAS QUEEN LETS GO - save???? YOU engulfed the whole fucking city into darkness because they pissed you off shut the actual fuck up - Mal. Sweetie. what are you doing?? you literally brought a butter knife to a cut fight - I V A N. BITCH. NO. - JESPER BABY LETS GOOOOO - god with every spin of his gun I fall more in love jfc - byeeeee Ivan!! - whyyyy you no aim for the head Mal?!?!? - lmao Kaz ready with his fucking cane to wack some mf monsters I'm here for it - thank you for showing Kaz hella struggling with his cane and walking, I appreciate this so much - Awwww Inej, sweet baby - SHE GAVE HER A DAGGER BLESS - aw :( Kaz realizing Inej really might leave, oh sweet boy - LISTEN, Kaz can't break a deal homie. there is a lot at risk here that he can't lose - ......that might fix the problem. - For Inej, he did it for Inej and that's it and Inej was over in the back fighting to not fucking hug him I can not - Kaz be right, from experience Zoya please. - lmao "I still don't like you" ZOYA girl come on - this entire Kaz & Inej conversation I have no words I'm crying - "I need you" the face & noise I just made were not human ahhhhh - I mean, we know you stay, BUT PLEASE INEJ STAY - MATTHIAS - YOU WAIT MATTHIAS CHILL WTF - IT WASN'T THOUGH - come ON Matthias how do you not believe her??? - that literally broke my heart oh my god - he ALWAYS has a plan - ayeeee I got one for you - oh you shit, I see you - yeahhhh bout that, he ain't dead - welp, that's definitely not good.. - "follow" nah I only follow Kaz Brekker thanks

Netlfix, seriously, just go ahead and announce season 2 because we ALL want it. I NEED it so badly just, do it do it do it.

In all seriousness, as for as YA book adaptation, this is top notch if not the best adaptation I've seen. The cast was A+, nailing the characters so beautifully and bringing life to some that I really didn't fully appreciate in the books. Specifically Archie with Mal, credits to him and the writers (and Leigh) for really working to make him a stronger, fully developed character. It was so well done and I am really rooting for them more so than I was in the books.

Crow wise. Brilliant. Absolutely fucking brilliant. Kit, Freddy, Amita, Danielle, Calahan; literally the most perfect casting. Period. I was so incredibly nervous when the show was announced how casting would go for the crows. They're my favorites, ones that I really treasured and when I tell you just the cast photo I had a feeling this was going to go well. Well was an understatement. I was absolutely blown away by how well they nailed the Crows. The humor, the small gestures, the teasing and comments; absolutely perfect. I have only one complaint, the same as Kit: GIVE ME WYLAN!!!

Also,Jessie as Alina, round of applause as well. I didn't mind her character in the book, but in the show I felt more connected and really was cheering for her and I have to give that to Jessie. Like Archie, she did a great job bringing the character to life and making her enjoyable, more fully developed tbh. I don't even need to go into Ben because I despise the Darkling as much as I did in the books so I'd say he was fucking brilliant.

The fact their budget was limited, they somehow was able to create a world so beautiful so incredibly well done and oddly inviting. The costumes, the sets, even the Fold looked nearly inviting. It all seemed so well done, so well put together and as I imagined it for the most part. The display of Grisha power was not corny but subtle and well created, not overdone like some like to do. It was believable and so cool to see displayed on tv.

Honest to god this is, to me at least, by far the best YA book adaptation in a long, LONG time. This coming from a HP, Twilight, Series of Unfortunate Events fan. I've seen YA books fail so badly (Euragon, ugh the heartbreak of that disaster) or just, be so flat it hurts...looking at you Twilight. Some having a cast that just, despises the entire book and movie all together, others so well connected and done so brilliantly only for the story to be torn to bits in some parts that you're left wondering if you read the same book at times (HP, never forgive you for that final battle scene, wtf was even that??). But for real, this had the perfect cast, perfect sets & editing, amazing music, fantastic writing to piece it all together and overall was just...absolutely amazing. Definitely going to be something I rewatch over and over and over again till the next season.

Thank you for not fucking it up <3

[ink-beneath-her-fingernails]

BNHA/MHA First Watch-Through Notes

1x01

these are... stupid... and... a mess. bc I am stupid and a mess. you have had your warning. I didn’t even go back and skim through this when I was done I’m just releasing these little bastard thoughts into the void they’re not my problem now

I’m watching dubbed btw

I know, I know... it’s the only one I have access to rn tho

I... do not know how to feel about funimation’s new intro?

well I guess it’s not really new but

listen I haven’t watched anything of funimation’s since the og fruits basket ok I’m used to the DUN-DUN *funimation* ((....you should be watching))

he is. babie. green babie.

but also why do these small children have such wild hair colors

I mean I’m here for it

I just wasn’t expecting it

oH SHIT THEY GOT POWERS POWERS

so this is the famous deku

I’m guessing this is like a flashback or memory or something?

I missed the bully’s name

speaking of the bullies, they changed order? It was wings, fire, stretchy hands, but now it’s fire, stretchy hands, wings. I know that they probably wanted to show the “leader” closest and that’s why but,,

also wtf?? these are kids. like bullies should not be a thing, I think we can all agree on that, but yeah, it’s gonna happen. but these kids are, what? eight? nine? maybe their powers (’quirks,’ whatever) aren’t super powerful yet, but this blonde kid has fire powers. has nobody talked to them about just how dangerous this is? forget roughing the other two up or intimidating them or giving them a hard time, this could genuinely escalate and get way out of hand super fast, and someone could get seriously injured.

oof. boy is dead.

this eight year old (purple hair) sounds like he’s a thirty yo new teacher trying to sound hip and cool but also wise and knowing to his class who Does Not Care

OH

that wasn’t purple kid?? that was current deku???

wack

then this fourteen year old sounds like he’s a thirty yo new teacher trying to sound hip and cool but also wise and knowing to his class who Does Not Care

also they were four?

jeepers heckin criminey who starts beating people up at four years old

have to say though, I loved that sky-to-puddle transition

jiminey fucking crickets I’m not even a minute into the episode these notes are going to be stupidly long I’m sorry

!! I love his little skipping-dance thing when he’s impatient at the crosswalk!

alright... I’ll admit it... his character design is pretty adorable

also tf is that thing

it looks half shark half poorly drawn dog

I mean I get it’s probably a person and that’s their quirk or whatever but

did this kid just run all the way across the city just to watch this guy start shit at the station so he could see the heroes take him down??

I mean respect tbh but also priorities kid

also I really appreciate that the cops are just kind of calmly directing everyone and everyone else is just kind of chillin like “oh. another villain. that’s too bad.” like tbh that’s one of the things that always kind of annoys me about movies and shows like this where there’s like repeatedly villain attacks because yes they are scary, especially when you’re caught up in them, but if you’re just kind of there and not directly in the action or being directly threatened, then why are you freaking out? you’ve lived in this city for how long? there’s an attack every, what, two days? this isn’t routine for you by now?

I started this like 15 min ago and am only like a minute and a half into the ep smh

ngl this intro kinda pops off

that hero guy seemed... kind of evil lookin tho

love the animation oml

also the lyrics to this are great???

OH IS THAT A NARRATIVE FOIL I SEE IMPLIED THERE

I THINK IT IS

“and they were narrative foils” “oh my god they were narrative foils”

k ngl rewinding real quick bc I missed some of the intro and there’s always so much fun stuff to see and unpack in those

also I wanna read all the lyrics

k so I was wondering this before but I’m just gonna say it... why does the hero guy have rabbit ears

alright character designs lookin p fire so far

last guy I keep missing but he kind of looks like steven universe?? idk I still have to watch that show too tbh so,,,

does the big hero guy turn into a giant bird?

oh that intro got me excited for this

these characters look so lit!!

“the first incident?” so this isn’t just like a natural factor of their world? it hasn’t always been going on? there was, like, a definitive start to it all? was that kid really the first incident or the first one they noticed? was that actually the first incident or is it just like the commonly told first incident, like an old myth/legend/folktale/old wive’s tale?

interesting that it started with a baby and then moved to people of all ages?

oh they don’t know the cause of the quirks? interesting

((why do I feel like finding out the answer to that is gonna be like A Big Thing™ at some point in the series))

I really like the visuals they put with this exposition?? idk why it’s just,,, very appealing

also his voice is very nice to listen to tbh, so that’s a definite plus

I hate it when the main character’s voice is super annoying

but like how long ago was it that this started? he just said “before long”

I like that in this universe they actually acknowledge that hey comic books are a thing and this whole superheroes/villains/powers thing is kind of ridiculous bc it’s legit like playing out scenes straight from those comic books but also this is real life and it’s actually happening and really does pose a lot of danger and complications to a lot of people, so we’re going to treat it as something real and serious and affecting us

I might’ve spoken too soon but I really hope they don’t blow that mindset

I feel like too often superhero shows/movies just either completely gloss over the effects this stuff has on society as a whole, or it’s like a completely new thing for them, like there’s never been the concept of a fictional superhero or a comic book there before.

“was an age of heroes”??? oh no what happens

k but why is this guy dressed like the ‘do not cross’ lines

kind of a lame hero costume tbh :/

why. does he have. sleeves. but no shirt.

edna mode would never do you like that honey go see her

“Death Arms”?? what kind of alias is that?? also wouldn’t it make more sense for arms to be uncovered than his chest, then??

“The Punching Hero”

I’m sorry I Cannot take this guy seriously

waterbending??

asdkfdls idk why but this firehose guy really reminds me of that one alchemist from fmab with the top hat and the monocle and the peg leg that spun like a top and Scar murked

“rescue specialist” see?? that makes sense!! it makes me so happy that they’re actually thinking more about the worldbuilding and how dangerous scenarios would work if 80% of the population had powers of different kinds, beyond “big bad guy meet big good guy. punch punch good guy wins”

also dear god thank you for putting someone on crowd control I know I was just saying it was great these people weren’t really treating this like the end of the world and it is good that they were mostly staying back by themselves but. they were still standing very close to an ongoing fight. priorities, people. self preservation. they are things. that I do not believe most people in superhero universes have in the slightest.

aww he’s too short

(but is he shorter than edward elric)

((do we know))

(((somebody please tell me if this information is available)))

alsdfkj l;a that guy calling in late bc the train got held up by the villain... do you think that’s another equivalent of “oh...I’m...sick... yeah, totally, I’m sick” and “my dog ate my homework” to them? “there was a villain attack” or “some idiot on my block decided to show off their quirk and it got out of hand”

ope Big Hero™ is here

...why am I surprised that they have fans?? I mean I guess that makes sense they’re basically celebrities and public figures right?

okay Big Hero™ is Kamui got it

wait no that is not the Big Hero™

but they are another hero and their name is Kamui got it

“Kamui Woods” ok that’s actually helpful I was gonna ask what his skin was supposed to be bc I didn’t think it was scales and it does look kind of like bark... Now going to take that as permission to assume it’s the latter

kamui kind of reminds me of some pokemon but I’m not sure which one?? I’m sorry idk pokemon v well but thy def remind me of one of them

“...a fAnBOY” he looks and sounds like he just tricked someone into confessing to murder why is he so smug about that smh

you know what. speaking of. I don’t get why everyone views being a fan of something/someone as something to be embarrassed or ashamed about?? why do people make fun of other people for it? why do we treat it like some big dark secret we try to hide? when did liking something become a bad thing? like?? sorry I have hobbies and interests and you don’t? sorry I think this person is talented? sorry I thought this book was life-changing? sorry I listen to this album so much because it’s good? sorry this show made me laugh during a really rough time? like goddamn it’s nobody’s business what you like unless you’re trying to force it on you when you’ve asked them to stop or it’s hurting someone? if they’re being safe and respectful about it for everyone involved then there shouldn’t be a problem? stop making people feel like freaks or be scared to enjoy something just a little too much? just let people have good things in life and consume the media that makes them happy? it has little to no effect on you? I don’t get why it’s you’re problem?? sorry to get all soapboxy this is something that’s always really annoyed me

does kamui have flowers on their belt

icon

k but isn’t wood like... really easy to break tho

I mean... comparatively speaking?

“illegal use of powers during rush hour traffic” alsfjsadlkf

wait so he’s listing charges for the guy, does that mean heroes are officially licensed here and can actually arrest people? and... actually work with law enforcement?? gasp no wait but I thought that was impossible except for The One Officer On The Inside That The Hero Has Convinced Of Their Cause™

hold up... “assault, robbery, and illegal use of powers during rush hour traffic... you are the incarnation of evil” ...bro chill lmao

I mean those aren’t good things but,,,, buddy “evil” can get so much worse holy shit sunflower child has no idea what’s in store for them

the show can do a hell of a lot even if they decide not to go that dark

well deku did say he was new

also off topic but I just looked it up and DEKU IS HALF A FOOT TALLER THAN ED

I’M SORRY BUT THAT’S HILARIOUS

CAN YOU IMAGINE THIS EXCITED GREEN CHILD MEETING ED THE GREMLIN ELRIC AND JUST TOWERING OVER HIM

he’d probably get along well w al though so ed would have to like him anyways

ok but back to bnha

ope kamui just got upstaged

but honestly?? he was actin a lil cocky and she seems like a queen so I ain’t mad about it

oh great creeps are everywhere apparently

YES THANK YOU THEY NEED TO INCLUDE SUPERPOWERS IN LEGISLATION SOMEHOW OTHERWISE PEOPLE CAN GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING GEEZ

just. more worldbuilding that I appreciate.

jfc they muzzled him?

ok i wasn’t that mad about kamui being upstaged (idk why I kinda like the guy) but now she’s acting a little too cocky for me and I feel kind of bad for Death Arms and Backdraft (?) because they definitely do deserve at least a little credit

yes. official. overseen by the government. I’m not saying it’s necessarily a good idea bc I’m not getting into the whole mess the MCU basically did regarding that, but it really does add to the worldbuilding and making it seem more realistic/draw you in a little more because you can bet that would be a thing that would actually happen in some capacity if such a large percentage of the population had superpowers, and crime was at an all-time high at the same time, with normal methods without powers likely not doing much to combat that, and it being even harder because everyone’s is different

wow so they really do have roles similar to celebrities huh?

I actually love how he’s analyzing the new hero

that’s!! the good!!! nerdery!!!!

ngl thought that guy was gonna be like “well that’s never gonna happen” lmao glad he didn’t turn out to be an asshole

this guy’s hair and his sweater need an upgrade

I’m sorry honey it’s just not a Look™

I mean ngl I’d probably wear it but also I am the absolute last person to look to for a good idea of fashion so

wow we hate asshole teachers

this kid’s hair grows wtf

they seriously just break out their quirks when they get annoyed?? I mean me too probably but

oh wait he’s not totally an asshole

but that still is kind of a dick move because even if it seems really really likely that most of them do, a lot of them probably feel like that’s just what’s expected of them or that that’s their best bet at an ok life, or they don’t think they’ll actually be able to get a career as a hero, and he has to know that there are kids (or at least one) in his class who don’t have powers and who will probably be shut down at every turn on that career track??

also what is it with the absurd number of people whose hair grows/flys/whatever and whose hands change chape and/or elongate

the girl who just throws up the rock n roll sign is my favorite

also why does this teacher remind me of gilderoy lockhart

I get that his eye thing is part of his quirk... but does he face no consequences health-wise from putting his grubby fingers all over his eyeballs?? you don’t know where your hands have been

ah

the famed bakugo

we finally meet

you seem like a cocky asshole and if I remember correctly you have firepowers

you know who else seemed like cocky assholes and one point or another and had firepowers??

roy mustang and zuko

and one of those guys is an awkward, angry turtleduck, and the other one is a rightly smug bastard who succeeded in pulling a coup on the government who was surveilling him and holding half his team hostage

so yeah I have a feeling I’m gonna like this guy

probably

at some point

eventually

it might take a while

“the only place worthy of me” oh dear

All Might!! Big Hero™ has a name!!

oh being a hero solely bc you want to be rich and popular? lame

aklsdfsjaslkfd teach just callin deku out in front of everyone

r.i.p.

it was nice having you as a main character for eight whole minutes I’m sorry you have to face death-by-embarrassment you deserved better

ope

bakugo doesn’t want anyone stealin his thunder

lemme guess deku is also his Main Rival™ or at least will be

awwwww poor guy

how much you wanna bet he gets the highest scores in all the exams bc he studies the heroes so much and that’s how he gets in

that lady got forcefields for her quirk? damn she lucked out

“this cash is mine” *drops cash*

are all the heroes like fine mt. lady can deal w the guy she keeps stealing all our credit anyway so there’s no point??

....is that all might?

k but... y’all should be taking notes on the heroes too if you want a better chance at that career and better schools for it? I know they’re probably making fun of it bc he doesn’t have a quirk but still

also I find it really interesting that the kids all act like the quirks are absolutely everything but at that scene on the street earlier people were complaining about missing the days they didn’t have to worry about “every rando w a quirk” or something... like maybe it’s because the kids grew up w it? Idk just the difference in mindset between (presumably) generations seems cool to look into

wow we love bullies so much

no we don’t pls stop you’re not as cool as you think you are

DESTROYING SOMEONE’S NOTEBOOK/JOURNAL/SKETCHBOOK IS ONE OF THE MOST DICK MOVES SOMEONE CAN MAKE CHANGE MY MIND

alright bakugo you’ve definitely moved onto my shitlist for the moment

don’t stay there

well you know what they say about greatness... some people are destined for it, yeah, but some become it, and some have it thrust upon them

cliches are there for a reason buddy

and either way... I could be wrong but... there doesn’t seem like anything great or heroic about bullying people... I mean idk that’s just my opinion but

god I hope they eat bakugo alive at ua

deku I know you’re a sunshine child but you have to get in now. you have to. out of pure spite. please.

yeah, friend 1b is right buddy...

destroy him deku

DESTROY THEM DEKU

oh suicide jokes huh

bakugo you’re on thin fucking ice you’ve just moved way up in my shit list

wow I hate him <3

EXACTLY

THANK YOU DEKU

I hate it when shows have someone make a suicide joke like that and just? no one addresses it?? or the characters don’t seem to realize that it needs addressing, at least to themselves??? so this is refreshing

voiced my thoughts exactly

he really is an idiot

NO BUDDY YOUR DREAMS ARE STILL POSSIBLE AND VALID

YOUR NOTES ARE SALVAGEABLE

he really is a jerk deku you’re right

awww little deku is so cute

alright I’m gonna make a prediction

this is his mom right

is this gonna be

another

dead anime mom?

and lemme guess she always told him she was sure he’d be a hero/she knew he’d become one, and then she died, and that’s why he’s so set on it

probably not

but just... placing my bets now

w h a t  is this child doing

he’s a hair’s breadth away from head-desking

are we... just gonna... ignore that robbery that was happening on the street a few minutes ago

OKAY WE GET IT YOU’RE HERE CAN YOU GO BACK TO SAVING PEOPLE THEY’RE STILL IN DANGER

HIS CACKLES I CAN’T

alsdkjf;lsjk I feel bad for him but also,,, that transition was gold

but also the face his mom made before he started laughing... she knew he probably wouldn’t get one didn’t she

but why do they assume it won’t happen if they don’t get it by a certain age? they said after that baby people all around the world were getting powers, and showed people of all different ages when they said so. that implies that they got those powers at those ages, after the baby was born but not when they were children themselves? like yeah there’s probably some point where you’d consider them “aged out” and therefore less likely to get a quirk but... she just said he’s in kindergarten.

fourth generation? so the appearance of quirks isn’t a super recent thing then

they can tell if someone is going to manifest a quirk or is starting to by looking at x-rays?

also I know I’m seriously overusing the word “interesting” but

maybe I’m reading too far into this but it’s also kind of interesting that his father and his (current) main antagonist have such similar powers?

OH!!!! lore drop!! kind of!!! that’s a really interesting (wow there it is again) thing they chose to be an indicator for that kind of thing in this universe

*cue izuku contemplating chopping off his pinky toes*

I feel like... all might’s... not gonna be that great....

DEAR LORD HOW MANY TEARS CAN THIS CHILD HOLD IN HIS EYES

also ngl when little deku’s eyes are wide and he doesn’t move he looks really creepy and kind of like a child-sized doll

like pinocchio

how sure are we that deku isn’t made of wood

hmmmmmmmmm I do love this animation

ah Internal Angst™

the fuck is that laughter??

skin suit? no thanks

but guess we aren’t ignoring that earlier scene

yeah all might’s in the city alright

he’s gonna break this up isn’t he

yepppppp that’s him

idk I think alex louise armstrong did it better sorry bud :/

“texas smash”??

he just... punched liquid apart

this kid’s still gonna go flying and hit the ground hard buddy thanks for your help

oh he stuck around

and he’s not hurt too bad

“justicing”

he’s using the city’s sewer system being difficult to navigate as his excuse for why he wasn’t paying attention to keeping bystanders safe like he “usually” does?

the armstrongs do the sparkle better

a;ldkfsdlfls this is really funny to watch ngl

“that’s... a pretty good point.” yeah no shit lmao

I love how he’s just. awkwardly patting deku.

yeah he’s gonna end up accidentally adopting this kid isn’t he

is he hurt?? or did the other guy actually take him over while deku was unconscious??

nah I think he’s just hurt I’m p sure he really did get the guy

but still

that was... a big boom.... that’s not good

he’s just.... abandoning this kid on the rooftop??

but also he probably really does have to go if blood is coming out of his mouth

do heroes in this universe have secret identities?

I feel like yes but also no??

watch as this guy’s like “I don’t have a quirk either” and he’s just. like. an armstrong or something

that or he’s gonna crush this kid’s dreams and be like “no, it’s not possible” and I will be forced to ensure deku becomes the most successful hero ever out of Even More Pure Spite™ even if he idolizes the guy

oh yeah he’s gonna get his dreams crushed

IS ALL MIGHT GONNA VOUCH FOR HIM AND GET HIM AN OPPORTUNITY AT UA BC HE FEELS BAD FOR HIM

hmm this outro kinda slaps too

overall feelin good, like it so far, definitely think I won’t have trouble continuing watching at least for now

[puffmamaa]

Rated E for Extra Petty.

Hey y’all! Here’s a random, little one-shot loosely based on this meme I saw a while back. Everytime I listen to Fantasia, it’s all I can think about lol.

Pairing: Erik ‘Killmonger’ Stevens x Black, Dark-Skin, Plus Size Reader. (Always💛)

Summary: No amount of 2K or Anime is a match for you when you’re on your bullshit.

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: Cussing. Use of N-word. Corny jokes. Reader being a major brat. Mention of smut. Erik being...a nigga lmao.

A/N: Song is “Free Yourself” by Fantasia, just in case someone doesn’t know it.

Also, I love me some Tasia so any shade towards her singing is all in jest. 😉

——

“IF YOU DON’T WANT ME, THEN DON’T TALK TO MEEE...”

Erik paused the TV and placed his elbows on his knees. His right leg bounced up and down aggressively. Sighing loudly, he threw down his PS4 controller and laid all the way back on the bed. You’d been blasting that same song for the last 20 minutes. Erik tried to tune it out but between Fantasia’s loud ass crooning and your off-key screeching, he couldn’t take it. He let out another breath as you continued to scream out ad-libs about how ain’t shit he was.

Let you tell it, this moment of supreme pettiness is what Erik deserved. You had come home late from work, tired and worn out from being around d’wights all day. All you wanted to do was curl up with your boyfriend and watch Love & Basketball. But Erik was in the middle of a game of NBA 2K19 and didn’t want to stop for your impromptu movie night.

EARLIER...

“What you mean not right now?” You asked with an attitude. You had changed out of your work clothes and into a black crop top t-shirt and black fitted shorts. Your big, kinky hair was pulled into a high puff.

“Baby, I’m trying to finish this game. We can watch the movie afterwards. Aight?”

“But I want to watch it now.”

“Well, I’m busy right now. Just watch it without me, if you can’t wait.”

“But we always watch Love & Basketball together, you whined as you poked your bottom lip out. “You don’t wanna hang out with me?”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

You sauntered over to him and sat on his lap, straddling his legs. You wrapped your arms around his neck and gently played with the tail of his black du-rag.

“Then why not now?” You cooed into his ear.

Erik groaned lightly as you ran your nails against the back of his neck. “Look, I’ll only be like an hour. I’m sure you can find a way to entertain yourself until I’m done.”

You squinted your eyes at him. Usually, you had Erik wrapped around your finger. Your whine alone would have him rubbing on your booty all night. And a whole lot more. But this time, he wasn’t letting up. Your pout quickly turned into a frown. You hopped out of his lap and stood in front of the TV.

“So this dumb ass game is more important than me?”

“Y/N.“

“Nah, that’s basically what your saying. You rather play this shit than be with me. I can read between the lines, Erik.”

“Girl, you trippin’ right now. Chill out.”

“Fuck chill! All the times I’ve sat up and watched those stupid ass anime shows with you?

“Stupid?” He stood up, cocking his neck back in offense. His gray sweats hung low on his hips. “I thought you said you were starting to like anime.”

“I don’t even understand that shit! I watch it because its something you like to do. But, do you return the favor? Nooo. You rather sit in front of this fucking TV and play some wack ass game made for 14 year olds! Witcho cornball ass!”

Erik’s eyes bulged. He clenched his jaw and moved towards you.

“Watch ya mouth, princess. I don’t know who you think you talking to but I’m not sum nigga in the street. You need—“

“I need to what, Erik?” You cut him off, placing your hands on you hips and moving closer to him. His large frame towered over yours but you still managed to look him right in the eye.

“You know, maybe I should get me one of those other niggas. I’m sure they would love to do much more than watch a movie with me.”

Erik’s eye twitched. You knew the thought of you entertaining some one else would get under his skin.

“You better calm all that down before we have a fucking problem,” he lowered his face to yours. “I mean that shit.”

“Then turn the game off,” you whined again, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Hell no.” Erik mirrored your actions. Normally, he’d let you have your way by now, but you were being more of a brat than usually. Plus, you had disrespected his favorite genre and game. No fucks were given on his end at this point.

The two of you glared at each other for a minute.

Erik huffed and rolled his eyes, “I’m not finna do this with your bratty ass. Take that bullshit somewhere else, bruh.”

He sat down on the bed and grabbed his controller, starting his game back up.

You stood there, burning a hole in the side of his head as he continued to play like you weren’t in the room.

“Ok,” you hissed, “OH-Kay.”

You stomped out, slamming the bedroom door on purpose.

—

Erik heard the song start over again.

“If your unhappy then your free to go onnn. Cause I don’t want you stayin’ arounndd, if I make you so miseraablee,” you and Fantasia sang brashly.

“IF YOU DON’T WANT ME THEN DON’T TALK TO MEE,”

“That’s FUCKING it.” He said as he shot up from the bed.

He swung open the bedroom door and stomped down the hall.

“I swear to GOD...” he murmured to himself as he made his way to the living room.

You were sprawled out on the couch, one leg thrown over the back while you leaned your head on the arm and sang. An open bottle of wine and half filled wine glass sat on the coffee table. You eyes drifted to Erik as he barged into the room. He was silently fuming; his naked, scarred chest heaving in and out. You gave him a dry look and grabbed your glass, taking a long sip.

“This love thing is fuull of scandaaaals, so you’re WELCOME TO WAALK.”

“Yo. Kill all this fucking noise, ma.” Erik said, pulling on his sweats.

You gave a him a stank once over, rolled your eyes, and kept singing.

“If you don’t WANT me, then dont TALK to me.”

“I’m serious, Y/N. You being mad childish right now.”

You turned the volume up on your speaker.

“Then GO ahead AND free yourSEELF.”

Erik clenched his jaw, “All this over a damn movie?”

You glared at him and walked towards the kitchen. He was right behind you, huffing and puffing the whole way. You opened the pantry and grabbed a big bag of kettle popcorn. You strolled over to the kitchen island and sat down on one of the stools.

“Look, stop all this and I’ll watch the stupid movie with you.”

“Time and time again, I tried it over and over,” you sang between bites. “But the love I had inside, has died.”

“Come on now, this shit is ridiculous,” he moved to your side of the island and sat down, trying to grab at you. You pulled back and perched yourself up on your knees to sit over him.

“Go. Ahead. To. Someone. Else.” You chanted, tapping your index finger into his forehead with every word.

Erik grabbed your wrist, getting more agitated with you, “I’m warning you, Y/N. You better stop.”

You kissed your teeth and snatched your hand back. With all the dramatic energy you could muster, you threw your head back and your arms out, bellowing out with the screaming songstress.

“IF YOOUU DON’T WAANNT MEEE THEN DON’T TAALK TO MEEE. GOOO AHEAAD AND FREEEE YOURSEEELFFF!”

Erik winced at your screaching. You threw your hand up at him and shook your head side to side.

“I had to take it there, I had take it there. Cause I’m TIRED.“

He flared his nostrils at you. That right leg started bouncing again.

“IF YOU DON’T WANT ME, THEN DON’T TAALK TO M—.”

“Goddamnit, Y/N!” Erik yelled. He quickly scooped you up and walked you over to the couch. You yelped as he plopped both your bodies down and leaned over you, a scowl on his face.

You blinked up at him innocently. His eyes scanned over your chubby, brown face. He sighed, still sneering a little.

“Why do I even put up with your ass?”

Fantasia continued to croon in the background as you stared back at him, batting your eyelashes.

“Cause you love me...” You said with a shy smile.

Erik let out a soft chuckle and dropped his head. He was lowkey happy to hear you say something besides those damn song lyrics. Reaching around you, he turned the speaker off.

He shifted both of your bodies sideways and laid behind you. He snuggled his head in your neck, causing you to whimper a little.

“Cue the damn movie,” Erik said, wrapping an arm around your waist.

You giggled, grabbing the remote off the table and turning on the TV. The opening scene of Love & Basketball faded onto the screen. You moved your head to face his and smiled, running your nails through his beard.

“You are something the fuck else, I swear.” He mumbled as he peppered kisses up your neck and along your face. He captured your lips into a full kiss as he pressed himself against your backside. “Spoiled ass.”

“E...” you moaned, pushing back against him.

Erik pulled back and sent a hard smack to your ass, causing you to squeal.

“I’ma watch this shit with you now but I got something for that ass later on,” he said with a smirk while he rubbed the sting away. “You ain’t really start singing yet.”

“The neighbors gon learn my name today or whatever Trey Songz said.”

——

Alright, I hope y’all got a good little chuckle out of this.

Let me know what ya think! 😁

[blackmuzak8484]

nortey dowuona’s best of 2020

to be completely honest, I decided to do this entirely for TSJ. otherwise, I wouldn’t have bothered at all. Best end lists are for music nerds and billboard chart nerds and industry vultures, and i happen to be subscribed, in the discord and in the comments of the youtube vids of these folk. so, i decided to pick 10 out of random from the big best of 2020 i was compiling for the whole of the year, which I was gonna post to this Tumblr at the end of the damn year, but I guess I can just post the link to the playlist in the bottom of this post. Here, i’m gonna write about 10 songs I personally love, and pick out a few artists i specifically loved:

artist of the year.

RAP Ferreira put out his best album and best verses in a year everybody either stagnated, fell off or got rendered irrelevant by the world at large. He was ebullient, hilarious, thoughtful and even surprisingly honest. I enjoyed the fact that now he’s begun to create a real platform for many talented folx, and I hope he continues to do that in the margins and make even more beautiful music in the years to come.

rookie of the year.

Enny by a mile. Everybody else who debuted this year got hamstrung by the pandemic but she created 3 great songs, each thoughtful, insightful and a joy. Apparently she just started publicly releasing music to a large audience, and I hope she gets better and better, and even gets bigger than J-

most pleasant surprise.

Vic Mensa’s V Tape. An artist who I though had no more moves left completely turned around his whole career with a fantastic performance at Lollapalooza, a fantastic fleet of features and tis gorgeously produced EP which had some of his most brilliant songs on it. I love it all, Vic Mensah is well and truly back. Welcome back bro. (ALSO, DROP THE DRILL TRACK.)

GREAT THING A GHANAIAN ARTIST DID.

Strongman Burner, Amarae, Okunta Kinte, Vic Mensah in general.

cool things my friends and classmates did.

Justine Darcenne’s #4TheBaeless. Valencia Rae’s Siren thyhomebodies’s Coming of Age. (Phil, a producer in the group, made his own studio!) Brad built his own computer. petit abri put a track on APT9 Record’s compiliation album Volume II. khaalid anderson’s transitions. (khaalid will also be performing at Beats & Brunch on January 23, 2021 at 11 am.) Yannick Paul’s Bear Fruit. The Big Climax’s This Is Ya Boy kxng jetson’s Waves (ft. Kokko Williams & Mike Mezzl) Nicole Gonzalez performed in The Composer’s Melody. Victoria Marie released a bunch of beaufiful covers on her Insta, @toriiii_marie @ph0ssy_jaw works as a counselor online. Pay her at her PayPal. Johnny Aperano Yoba was on People AND Vogue. Dalitso is a wonderful pianist at his church back home in Zambia. Kobina is a fantastic drummer at his church. Kayla graduated with a BS in Music Technology and Industry! Damian been cookin on his insta. Travis graduated! (Look out for Clan of Dragons.) Rorghino Flores made a documentary! Francis (and Animax FYB) put out Mmofra on AmaLexPrime! (play it with yo kids.) A Hype has been dropping crazy all year, roll by his SoundCloud and check out Persistence Of Memory. Reina H been doing great covers on her Insta, @challenges_inlife. Hannah placed music on C. B. S.

best albums of the year (that nobody’s written about).

Maya Huyana -1991 DaWeirdo - Broke and Ugly $ilkMoney - Attack of the Future Shocked, Flesh Covered, Meatbags of the 85 VI Seconds - Because Why Not/Never Knows Best Erik Cain - Heart & Soul Vol. 2 Dimitri & the Scarecrow - Messenger is Sender (from 2015, finally got released onto streaming this year, still pretty great and another great Zimbabwean rapper for us to all fawn over, just like billy woods) Flowking Stone - Gifted 1 The Hoodies - Incommunicado Jayy Grams - Every Gram Counts Domo Genesis/Mike and Keys - Just in Case1/2 Madwiz - God’s Gold Teeth Maez301 - Hasaan Daara J Family - Yaamatele Dai Burger - Dessert EP TeePhlow - Road To Phlowducation II Tef Poe/Blvck Spade - Preacher in the Trap Terrell Hines - Portal One: The Mixtape redveil - niagara Nyukyung - Trap Harmonix AdrianXpression - Sucka Deante Hitchcock - Better (Deluxe) maassai & jWords - ve.loc.i.ty tobe nwigwe - cincoriginals everything Kelsey Lu did this year.

strangest things happening in music in general.

vic mensah actually making a great record. goldlink going through a narcissistic collapse and winding up making the best music of his career. redveil blowing up off Fantano calling him wack. pharoahe monch finally making a rock pivot and it actually works. meet me@the garden coming 10 years too late for my 14 year old self. RAP Ferreira being in the NYTimes, selling a vinyl record for $72, creating an actual nostrum grocers in a video game so we can listen to his next record. The entirety of the playboi carti phenomenom. The entirety of the lil uzi vert phenomenom. The entirety of Chance’s instagram EP being far more money worthy then the entirety of the Big Day and yet being released on Insta and not immediately monetized. Deante Hitchcock releasing a great album and being completely forgotten armand hammer releasing their underground kings wayyy too early. my ass continually not actually looking into amapiano despite always loving it when I review it. several good songs needing to be tacked on to a prior youtube vid as an ad for me to find them instead of actually listening to the artists. santan dave still releasing good verses after he made his illmatic. (expect his new album to suck.) slowthai becoming cake. (we let that go way too far.) Guapdad and BfB Packman being wonderful. Finding out BfB PAckman is a better rapper than Sada Baby. John Boyega putting on Ego Ella May. Having to admit Young Dolph was good all this time and i missed out like a fool.

best tv performance.

Chance The Rapper’s “A Chi-Town Christmas.” IDK’s “Change The Channel.” Sa-Roc’s Tiny Desk Concert. Chika in general. Robert Glapser’s “This Changes Everything (ft. Denzel Curry).” SZA at the Roots Picnic. Sampa The Great at the Roots Picnic. RAP Ferreira in general. Umi’s “Introspection Live Show.” Alexa Esperanza’s cover of “Is It A Crime.” Bad Bunny in general. the jwords, nappy nina and MIKE performances at Satellite Syndicate

most embarrassing piece of music i love with all my heart

Logic’s No Pressure. In all sense of the words I should not love this album like I love my siblings but I do. It is beautiful.

best 10 songs of this year objectively

1 - RAP Ferriera - An Idea Is A Work Of Art (ft. Mike Ladd) [prod. by Kenny Segal, mr. carmack and Mike Parvizi]

I know, I know. In all honesty Doldrums should be here. Then Noz put it on his best list and I had to be all ChiTown Go-Getter and pick the next better thing: this. And in all honesty, it has the best lyric RAP spits on the album: “we build better answers.” But it’s not just that, it’s RAP’s most animated performance, the most dexterous piece on the whole album and the most gorgeous beat, a loping bassline sliding behind the flatfooted drum, allowing Mike Ladd, his musical father, to gently drift through, saying, “what if royalty depised us?” and knowing the only gold is soul and giving it to all of us, all us maggots and vultures and locusts and weevils, to hold to the light so we can finally see. On the quest to get open and free, we continue.

2 - Chika - U Should [prod. by Lido]

I heard this the night it dropped and shot 2 insta videos playacting as it played. But apart from that, it’s a intimate, beautiful song about getting to know a new lady love, so tenderly sung it might melt and disappear if not held gently, with a sweeping guitar lick and purring trumpets sliding all over the place, Chika softly holding each frayed piece together into a considered, gorgeous piece - wait, she’s talking her shit.

3 - Issa Gold - Boys Don’t Cry [prod. by Kingjet & Sherwyn and Matt Zara]

The only reason this isn’t number one is because it dropped on Christmas Eve. But otherwise, it’s a openheart letter to us all. “it’s a lonely path being different,” Issa says, swimming in the melted ice caps as he once danced happily on the edges of melting glaciers that failed to drown him, looking at the world that keeps hurting his heart, yet he still opens his eyes and smiles, and dances. The heavy drums are so bouncy the whole song suddenly flies, formerly a hidden murmur becoming a bright sunlit flight across the sky so we can all see. I can’t wait to see Tempus, if it’s anything as good as this was.

4 - Deante Hitchcock - Growing Up/Mother God [prod. by Brandon Phillips-Taylor]

In all honesty, “Growing Up” is really not the best song on Better. It’s a sweet, happy song with a smooth, crackling bassline with soft, ghostly synths, but still kinda ok. It’s the song added at the end, “Mother God”, that has warm, sizzling piano chords and gorgeous singing in the back. It’s one of the few time I’ve ever heard a man pay homage to the woman in his life and to the God above while being entirely sincere and not faking the funk. The way he praises his mom, his lady, remembering the women in his family taking care of him and him foolishly neglecting Breonna due to his overburdened mind feels full of details, remembrances, explanations and praises. Plus, it actually makes sense that God, if she exists (she does) is a woman since -

5 - Yana Perrault - whiskey and weed [prod. by slate]

Apparently, Yana Perrault is verified now. Excellent. {YES YES MY GOD YESS}, It means more folks know about how great this song, and Yana herself is. If I had any sense, I would’ve written up 12:21 as the best song of 2018, but such is life. Anyway, we have this smooth, bass heavy slinker with shimmering percussion and lumbering drums about hooking up with a former flame who’s “sober” yet keeps on calling Yana to break their sobriety, “know we ain’t talked in a while but you still know my address,” she wryly mentions. As the beat sprints away under a warm cocoon of accapella echoes, it mirrors a relationship so tenuous it might disappear into the wind. Yet still strong enough to have whiskey on call.

6 - Marlon Craft - Culture Sick Freestyle [prod. by Cormill]

Apparently this was supposed to be a shot at Flex. And since Flex is a woman beater and a lame, good for him. Shouldn’t have even gone on Flex to be honest, but then again neither should Jay Critch or Tyler or Black Thought and besides, I watch those freestyles too. And on the freestyle, Marlon frankly put things in perspective. “You don’t want us to better, you just want to be cool still.” This describes all of rap media to be real. And tellingly, it only has 310,000 views. Methinks nobody really wants real. But I do. Thank u Marlon, you continue to be the best white rapper alive. (Nowhere near the best rapper tho, and if Token hadn’t fell off -)

7 - Miah - Cascades [prod. by Cedes]

I’m sideeyeing the boy Miah cuz I had to search up his Audiomack to find the producer’s name (it’s Cedes, and they have a really great avalanche of Drake Type Beats is you like that kind of thing). Were you trying to trick folk into thinking you produced it yourself? You don’t need to do that shit. Especially since you’re writing stuff like “back in high school all my peers were tryin to hit the league / until the league too far from reach so they tap dancing over beats.” When you can frankly break down life that clearly, don’t be trying to hide producer’s names unless you actually learn to produce too. Plaster your name all over that shit.

8 - Justine Darcenne - Off Days [prod. by Mikhail Miller] / Enny - Peng Black Girls (ft. Amia Brave [prod. by Paya]

Justine is indeed my classmate, but that’s not why this song is here. it’s here because it’s a nice little guitar driven song with a spellbinding bridge that’s the best thing I’ve heard her do yet. And I’mma keep it short cuz I already wrote this up at the Singles Jukebox.

Enny released this soft, cushiony record with washed out synths over bulky drums and floated FLOATED over them without even trying to run in the tar, saying frankly, “He said to me, 'they put guns in the streets, that’s what they wanted for me.’ And I said, ‘G, someone can fix you a plate but no one can force you to eat.’” After all, why not try to live for something greater than what the world has expected you to be. And Amia sings, “We’re gon be alright, ok?” with the joy and excitement of someone realizing the words coming alive on their tongue. One of the best songs of this miserable year, and it’s kinda funny watching Jorja accidentally Drake out Amia and even Enny (and by funny I mean irritating.)

9 - Tobi Lou - okay (ft. Dreezy) [prod. by Matteo Woods & Dilip]

Fun fact: Dilip did some great songs with Otxhello, a producer who recorded and mixed 2 records on my first album. That again is not why this song is here. The warm, swinging synths and heavy, bouncy drums are why this is here. Oh, and Tobi’s goofy, silly lyrics and his surprisingly effective Missy Elliott tribute are great too. But obviously, the verse that vaulted this into top 10 was Dreezy, which opens with such a openhearted line, “i can’t help it, it’s too hard to say I’m sorry.” And every line is harder than the last, until she closes with “and I ain’t talkin frontals but we got the city sown up.” Absolutely amazing.

10 - Strongman Burner - Pilolo (ft. KelvynBoy) [prod. by Nixie]

The sweet, gooey synths are poured over the soft, zipping and smooth drums as the wiry bass whirls between Kelvyn’s soft, thin crooning as Stoneman tap dances over the drums, both desperate and defiant, trying to salvage a sinking relationship that he knows is already gathering coral and snappers. It’s the best afropop song of the year and yet it still has a Nigerian on it (well, I put 4 Nigerians on here, next year I’m rectifying that.) And they even did a song together last year , not as good as this. At all. (still pretty good tho.)

best 10 songs i love (but not enough to write full paragraphs for, I already put 10 in and this is already 5 goddamn pages)

11 - Logic - Heard ‘Em Say

best song on the project that isn’t Dadbod but at least it isn’t tempting fate.

12 - Deqn Sue - Creep

I already love this for having a gorgeous bridge, and is cute af. Yes Sue, you can creep.

13 - Quelle Chris & Chris Keys - Sudden Death/ka - i love {moms, mimi, kev}

QUELLE CHIS CAN SANG SANG./ka can heart heart write.

14 - IDK - Square Up (ft. Juicy J)

I don’t know why this is here either but this slaps regardless.

15 - Nappy Nina - Modestly (ft. Maassai)

Maassai is creating some of the best raps out here. so is Nappy Nina.

16 - Kehlani - Lexii’s Outro (ft. Lexii Ajaii)

Let’s celebrate our great rappers when they’re alive (and this includes me. Pls Chika, don’t win Best New Artist.)

17 - Samad Savage - Goodnight

What Travis Scott should’ve tried to be instead of what he is now. Samad still dope af regardless.

18 - Bad Bunny - Si Veo Tu Mama

The way Bad Bunny actually hits that last note makes me feel so excited and alive.

19 - Fat Tony - Back In The Saddle

I fucked up. But I’m getting back in the saddle, back in the saddle next year. NO NIGERIANS ALL NIGERIENS. #ENDSARS tho.

20 - Lady A - the truth is loud

Why am I the only one who has this on a best list? I have 34 bot followers. Vibe, step it up.

best of 2020 music right here folxs.

worst music things of the year:

The Pop Smoke album. Just in all areas. (Better win that Grammy tho.) Travis Scott in general. (So loud and empty and boring.) Big Sean’s Detroit 2. (why does this exist? Just put out Deep Reverence and Detroit Night Cypher and leave everything on the cutting room floor fo the next album.) Remembering all the great rappers who are dead or incarcerated. No Kendrick album (just leaks. Not good enough.) J. Cole and Noname beefing and Noname getting strung up by twitter. Jay Rock pushing being anti-vaccinations. The realization that Normani might never drop a single record ever again. Tory Lanez in general. Joyner Lucas making actually good songs and falling off almost immediately. Cardi B in general. Anything positive being said about steven Universe songs. Luzamity shipping (until it’s canon please stop! Willuz is RIGHT THERE!)

[jesse-mills]

Convenience Store AU

Quick summary: Jesse dies on the beach and wakes up in a convenience store back near Crestwood. A dimension in which Jesse has sick new tattoos, the OA looks like an actual goddamn angel, French is a nerd ass loser who's been pining for Jesse for like 2 years, and everyone gets to be happy.

[[MORE]]

(apologies for awful formatting, this was so fucking long that I got tired of trying to make it read perfectly.)

ok so after Jesse dies it's just. dark for a long ass time right? but he wakes up to blinding light and it takes a moment for his eyes to focus. his first thought is "is heaven a 7/11?" and his second thought is "OH SHIT OA?!?!?" She found him passed out in the middle of the store aisle when she came in from the back room and after a very confused minute of conversation they realize that oh shit, it's the real OG them from the Crestwood dimension. so OA basically hires Jesse on the spot and Jesse has to help her get Hap (the manager, he's suppressed in this body but still a jackass of monumental proportions) kicked out and sent somewhere else. They do succeed after a few weeks (aka they get everyone to file complaints about him until he's relocated to somewhere out of state).

Jesse, however, has a Hell Of A Lot of new things to adjust to, the first of which being that What The Fuck, he looked in the mirror and he has fucking moving tattoos that Definitely weren't there before!! Turns out this dimension has such a thin membrane between it and the invisible river of the Between, weird ass shit tends to happen around people who have travelled through worlds. Jesse soon finds out that he isn't the only one with weird shit happening to him: the angels from the lab, especially OA, have some definite traditional angelic characteristics. OA has a ton of extra eyes on her face and neck and like. everywhere so she tends to wear gauzy scarves around her neck and ling sleeves everywhere. nothing can really be done about the ones on her face but she doesn't really show her face anywhere anyways so it's not that big a deal for her. Homer works at a patisserie in town and has extra eyes on his arms and back, as well as extra mouths on his hands (he wears gloves during work, don't ask). Rachel works there with him (and yes they're all in a thruple because. Oachel rights yo) and has extra vocal chords as well so her singing sounds absolutely ethereal. (She convinced Homer to hire Buck and Angie to work with him there after the OA told them about them.) Scott doesn't have too many extra weird eyes but his hair grows flowers and though he acts pissy about it he secretly really likes them. He works as the town's electrician and Steve apprentices under him. Renata tours around and always brings them back gifts from places she visits, and has both extra eyes on her arms that become part of her signature style (she claims it's prosthetics for the press) and a second mouth beneath her collarbone hidden under scarves so she can harmonize with herself.

BBA already works at the school and so knows them all already, and she shops at the convenience store for snacks at night during Jesse's shift and so is already close to him. She slowly puts the puzzle together herself, but in a very peaceful, calm manner; basically, she notices that he's acting different but doesn't throw a fuss about it ("I think Jesse's a different Jesse now. Hm. I'll ask if he still likes shortbread next time I go."). Lucky for Jesse, BBA and the angels all kind of adopt him.

Why do they keep working at the store after Hap leaves? a) it pays bills and like. they need to eat. and b) it's something to do, it's a normal part of a normal life that lets them spend time with each other and feel like they can finally live happy lives. Plus, Jesse and OA both desperately want to contact their home dimension and tell the others that they're okay, so the store provides a good space to do that.

and then French walks in the door one night because Olive Garden fired him and he needs to support his brothers and mom, and Jesse's world suddenly becomes a Hell of a lot more convoluted. French is confused when the pretty boy from school he was always too nervous to talk to looks up from the front counter and chokes on his drink; he's even more confused when Jesse stays bright red through their entire awkward conversation of "I need a job, are you hiring?" "UH. we are now. let me go grab the paperwork" (read: gay hyperventilating behind the backroom door for the minutes before grabbing the papers.) French is very concerned when as soon as he signs his name the paper just. crumbles to ash without any warning but Jesse just sweeps it into the bin and says "yeah you're hired, UHHH what hours???? work for you????? actually just come in when it does work and we'll get you started okay goodbye!!!" Of course night shift works best for French so Jesse has a mini conniption when French walks in the next night an hour after Jesse gets there and asks if he can start working Now.

French is a fucking NERD ASS LOSER in this dimension. so he's very confused when after a week of training almost nightly (hey, he needs to provide, yo) Steve, his old bully, walks in and greets him very nicely and apologizes for anything he did in high school (he does not notice Jesse glaring at Steve. he is also not aware of Jesse calling Steve the first night he came in and incoherently rambling for twenty minutes straight before yelling "I'M GAY" and hanging up. Steve was confused because didn't Jesse come out in like 10th grade to him??? he didn't bully French for being gay he bullied him for being a nerd ass loser).

French also begins to notice that things are fucking weird in this convenience store, and by that I mean he walks in one night and Jesse is calmly reading a comic book while one of the freezers is literally emitting fucking fire. ("Jesse. Tell me you fucking realize that THE FREEZER IS ON FIRE." "Yeah, OA said to just leave it. Scott's gonna fix it later" "But. But it's on FIRE." "Yeah lol apparently she's been workin on portals without dying and opened a hell dimenson? haha wack right. Just keep the door closed and it'll be fine.") He ends up calling Steve (who is being almost suspiciously friendly now under threat of bodily harm, and who is genuinely trying to be a better person) to ask if this is normal after Jesse tells very seriously after setting up "wet floor signs" that he should stay away from the soda fountain, OA accidentally fucked with it and it's biting people. (French, talking to Steve over the phone: "Yeah dude and then it just fucking crumbled to ash and he said I was hired. Like what the fuck. What the fuck." "Oh yeah lol apparently her husband's shop does the same thing. Btw tell Jesse to stop hoarding snakes in the cupboards behind the desk bc I'm the one Scott sends to fix that shit." "...........SNAKES?!"

Jesse has a weird thing with snakes in this dimension since he 1) found a weird tattoo of a snake with wings that just roams around his body as it pleases and acts like a pet (yes he named it Ramen Noodle. no he does not have shame.) and 2) realized that he can basically charm snakes just by talking to them. Friend shaped noodles. French walks in one night to find Steve trying to convince Jesse to "take them out of the cupboards" and after French cautiously asks what's in the cupboards Jesse just opens it to reveal like 30 snakes that he rescued from the cold (French yells and almost falls on his ass. Steve just sighs as Jesse picks up a ton of them and lets them curl up around his arms). OA does bi-monthly snake banishing (read: making Jesse go to different animal shelters to give the snakes away during winter or releasing them into the wild in warmer weather). (For his birthday about three months in she and Homer and Rachel find him an albino boa constrictor and Jesse genuinely looks like he's about to pass out from joy. He names it Theo, and for some reason, BBA tears up when he tells her and gingerly pets the snake.)

And the thing is, French is such a skeptic that he just can't bring himself to take Jesse seriously when one night about a month in he locks the glass doors and sits down to tell French very seriously that he's not the original Jesse from this dimension. Jesse realizes that French won't very easily be convinced, so he just does his best to flippantly include it in conversation in the hopes that it will slowly convince him. Even after French notices the moving tattoos (he was staring at Jesse's stomach when he stretched one night and almost yelled when a weird, almost tentacle looking tattoo idly moved across his skin) he can't bring himself to believe it, even when he realizes Jesse's eyes are a odd, almost shifting blue as opposed to the warm brown he searched for in the halls every day of senior year, even when there's fire and weird portals and a manager who has even more eyes than her husband (Homer comes in often with baked goods for Jesse and French. the first time French saw what he thought was a prosthetic eye on the back of Homer's hand wink at him, he almost passed out.). What finally convinces him is when Hap comes back.

Hap' s consciousness somehow came through after almost four months of wondering what was wrong with his old job, and when he comes back, French is in the store early just as Jesse is getting there and Homer is about to pick up OA when Hap comes in and points a gun at him. He's yelling what French thinks is nonsense, about a rose window and Prairie and how she lied to him, but he knows better now, he knows, and French is dead sure he's going to die when OA starts yelling back that he's wouldn't dare harm him or any of her friends. He can see in the reflection of the mirror above the front desk that Hap looks deranged, and it's enough to convince him of two things: one, Hap is about to kill him, and two, Jesse was telling the truth all along. He's about to do something desperate, kick Hap or try to grab the gun, something, when there's movement in the mirror and he spots something heavy swinging towards them. He ducks just as Homer creeps up behind them and brains Hap with a piece of scrap metal. The cops are called and everything is mostly sorted out-- Hap, of course, is going to jail-- but French is still shellshocked from realizing that it's all real, that Jesse died and came back in this dimension and that there are angels that act more like his parents than his mother ever has. It's a shock to him, but he gradually adjusts, and Jesse begins slowly filling him in on their old life in the original Crestwood, how they came together when a once-blind victim of a kidnapping came back with vision and stories, how he died on a beach on the way to San Francisco after overdosing on an old man's pain medication. Eventually, he gets the go-ahead from OA to tell the others and fill them in on exactly what happened. They reunite as they're supposed to and eventually become just as tightly knit as they had been. The Steve from Crestwood eventually joins them and while it takes him some time to adjust, he's so thrilled to have Jesse back and that everything is okay here that he's content.

[finderskeepersff]

49. Part 3

I am actually pissed off “Cassius it’s just a worker” glaring at this guy walking off, she is not even telling me properly he touched her the fucking dickhead. I know he is laughing at me “Cassius I am so happy you’re here, honestly please don’t ruin it over that. He works here that is it” mean mugging Sofia “that is it? Who fucking touches someone that just works here, are you real?” I’m not accepting what she is saying “then who is he and why did he touch you? Riddle me that” Sofia sighed out “please don’t ruin this moment. I am happy you are here with Cartier, don’t do it. Please tell me why you came? Was it for me” I can’t shake this off at all “not now no” walking off, I want to fucking speak to this mothrrfucker “Cassius!!!” Sofia spat “you have my son in that carrier don’t you bother, please don’t do this in front of the place I work, please” I am irritated “fuck” looking behind me as I continued to walk “I’m walking to your car” I said, I am fucking annoyed. I don’t fuck with that at all, you don’t touch a woman that is not yours. Is she hiding something, has she moved on, why won’t she let me hit him “you know what Cartier, we shouldn’t have ventured out. This is what we get” I said in a huff, I am actually angry. She doesn’t understand how angry I am, I don’t know now. Am I angry or hurt, what if she has found another man. I saw this motherfucker come to this car park “Cassius please listen to me” she wants me to listen to her “don’t speak to me Sofia, just show me your car and I want to go home” my mood is ruined “why can’t I speak to you? Cassius it’s really not what you think it is. He’s just a coworker” I don’t want to hear Sofia anymore “I’ll catch a cab then, we came here that way we will go back that way” I don’t need her car “it’s here, let’s just go to the car” looking to the side of me “just let’s go there” nodding my head, I’m a little upset and annoyed at the same time.

Sofia opened the back door on the car and threw her bag in “I just want to say I’m happy you came, to see you really made me happy ok?” Looking around the car park “are you going to take this off? The carrier” Shaking my head “I don’t want to take it off, I will keep my son close to me thanks and I will sit in the back” Sofia sighed out “please” from the corner of my eye I see a car drive ever so slowly, the person put they car window down “you shouted me?” This is smug “please Cassius, you have Cartier with you don’t do it ok?” Sofia said in a whisper “lunch was nice Sofia, see ya” clenching my jaw “you what!?” I spat, I was going to walk to the car but I didn’t, I didn’t want to put my son in danger “your cards are marked” I pointed at him as he drove off, I am so fucking angry but I am not going to do anything like I did before, closing my eyes taking in a deep breath, I’m not going to kick off “you’re actually right, I want to go in a cab” walking around Sofia “you’re honestly taking it the wrong way, if you let me explain” fixing my snapback on my head as I walked off, I don’t need this and I don’t want to hear it. How is this fair, how is it fair on what I have been trying to do with Sofia when she is having lunch with some nigga. Maybe I should have kept my ass at home, this is just wack and I am upset.

Taking off my snapback as I walked into Starbucks, first place I saw when I walked off and also Cartier is awake. Looking up at the boards squinting my eyes, what do I want “can I help?” The lady asked “erm can I have a chocolate cookie Frappuccino, and that’s it” I don’t want nothing else “sure” taking the backpack off of my shoulders “erm can you warm this milk up too? Like I’m not sure if you do” she just smiled at me “yes I can, how adorable is he” holding the bottle out to her, she looks way too young actually, maybe she is just happy to work here. Looking down at Cartier he is just looking around “I’ll pay by card” digging into my pockets “who needs a woman” pressing a kiss to the top of his head “we don’t need them” I am surprised Sofia didn’t stop me from taking Cartier but I took my son with me “if you would like to put your card in, I will bring it over to you. The bottle and drink” letting out an oh “thank you, that is kind of you” I think she probably thinks I need help when I really don’t, but I will take it “that went through, I will bring it over” Placing my card in my pocket as I walked off with the backpack “let’s sit somewhere comfy and then I can hopefully unbuckle you out” I hope I can do this on my own anyways.

“Ayeee Daddy did it” I chuckled, I unbuckled Cartier out without fucking up “daddy did good huh? Got the boy out without dropping yo ass out” holding Cartier out facing me “I must say I am doing a damn good job don’t you think? I ain’t heard a peep out of you my handsome boy, and you looking a mack daddy, daddy got you. You ain’t out here upsetting me” lifting him up and pressing a kiss to his cheek before placing him over my shoulder, I learnt something new today. I actually unbuckled him out of the carrier, I don’t know how the hell I am going to put him back in though, that will be difficult “the bottle and your Frapp sir” the girl placed the drinks down, looking up at her “thank you ma’am, appreciate it” I am about to be worried now with the temperature thing, I never get it, well I don’t trust myself so let me try this thing “it’s ok, he is so adorable. How old is he?” I paused thinking “he is two months” I knew that, I got it right “he is very cute” smiling at her “thank you” a chair scraped the flooring across me, looking away from the girl and there is Sofia making herself comfortable “thank you” I said again as the girl left “it’s not nice to stalk” grabbing the straw “well I let you go, I just watched where you went. You needed to vent and you did, look I don’t want this ruining the moment. I was so happy to see you and then that happened” biting the paper off of the straw and blowing it out of my mouth but the shit won’t leave my mouth “here” Sofia leaned over and picked the paper out of my mouth “mhmmm” I ain’t saying thank you, she ruined my moment.

Watching Sofia test the milk for me, I had to ask help for that of course. I sighed out watching her do it, she looks so damn good and then there is me, she for real got me on one side and another man. I ain’t cheat on her, I don’t have a second woman so why is she doing this. This is stressing me out, I don’t know what to say but she looks too good for me, she is too good for me “it’s ok to give him” she passed the bottle back to me “ok” laying Cartier down “how was he?” Sofia asked, grabbing the bottle. I would answer her but I don’t want too, placing the tip between his lips. Cartier latched on straight away, he must be hungry, grinning down at him “can we just speak like adults, I don’t want to be like this” looking away from Cartier “you was having sex with me last night and then now you got some new dude? When you called me a dick appointment I didn’t think it was literal, seriously Sofia. You doing me like that after everything. I am just really some side piece? I am sorry Sofia but I don’t want it, I just want to be a single father to Cartier, we good over here” shaking my head, we don’t need no bad vibes. I am not going to kick off, I am trying my hardest to not get someone to kill that nigga, I am trying to not scream and shout.

Sofia sighed out “you think I would want another man? Me Cassius, the same girl that was scared of men because of everything I been through, you think I want that? You think I would have two men? I would have sex with another man than you? You must know me by now Cassius, you’re upset and I take that but you need to think. You are taking this the wrong way and he is nothing to me” she got a point “then why was he looking at me so smug? What am I to you then?” clearly I am shit to her “I came here thinking I would see you, and with our son and we go for a damn walk in a park or some shit but you know what it’s like, god is telling me I shouldn’t try and do what I am not built to do, I ain’t with the shits but I am for you but you ruined that and even know I am just what? Your baby daddy that you call to fuck, yes fuck. I ain’t with the shit, something is off” Sofia is looking annoyed but what about me “so he is called Jordan and he likes me, he wants me to give him a chance. He is all over me like a dog but I can handle him, it’s nothing” pulling a face at her “I don’t want him dead Cassius” Sofia said in a whisper “he likes me and he did touch me, he left at the same time as me to walk me to the car. I didn’t ask for it, he will get over it but I don’t want him and I said it” a guy that likes her and she is accepting of it “you like the attention, I am not stupid” Sofia gasped “are you serious right now!?” she spat “I am yes! Then why you want him around, what am I to you! You told him about me, he knows your single” I ain’t fucking dumb “because I am single Cassius” licking my lips “what am I to you?” I said again, I want to hear it “the father of my child” nodding my head “what am I to you Sofia?” I said again “I told you Cassius” clenching my jaw “what am I to you bub” Sofia froze staring at me “don’t answer it, I don’t want to know” looking down at Cartier.

Smiling down at Cartier as I rubbed his back, he is half asleep and awake. Well closing his eyes and then opening them but then closing them again “too much milk huh” laying him back down, my drink has kind of melted now “he seems like a good guy for you, treat you right. Got a normal job, he aight for you” he ugly with a normal job really, Sofia sniggered “he would be shot before anything, ok Cassius. But what about this good guy I got here?” rolling my eyes “don’t be nice, I don’t want it” I don’t want to hear it “I am just saying what am I going to do with the good guy here? I know you’re still not happy and you are still upset with me but Cassius I don’t want another man, I only want you. When I said that me and you are working it out I don’t mean we see other men or female in your case, Cassius I couldn’t see myself with another man, not like you anyways, makes me laugh, builds me up, protects me, loves me for me, doesn’t look at me like I am some meat. You respect me, that is all I want. You’re charming, you are good looking. Girls love you, she wanted you when I came over. I got protective of you and you don’t see it but I do because you’re mine and I feel like we are going in the right direction, we really are and this guy is nothing. He is just a coworker. And yes I did say I was single, I don’t want you to feel I am doing that to play you because why would I do that to you? I love you, we just have things to work on and you need to realise that. But you are a great guy and I am so lucky to have you, it’s nothing but for you to acknowledge that I look good instead of saying I look shit to put me down, that puts a smile on my face. You make me smile, other men say it and I don’t care because I care what you say, I look good for me and you if you’re around to see” holding Cartier’ hand “you really think I’m good looking?” looking up at her “why would I date someone ugly? You’re a man, a man that I always wanted, a father my son deserves. I want you, you asked me what you are to me and you are my man but we still have things fixing” nodding my head.

I will still kill dude if I catch him one time “I am actually upset that it happened, I can only imagine how cute it would have been. I guess it wasn’t meant to be” Sofia said as she strapped Cartier in the car seat “this is gods way of telling me to not do dates and surprises, it will never work” Sofia stepped down from the car and closed the car door “is that way of you saying you won’t do a date for me?” I shrugged “depends, I just don’t want. Look I am not good with feelings and shit, but I am trying but like I don’t have a right to tell you what not to do and what you can do but if you do want me then don’t play me, I don’t think my heart can take it. I only did this for you, I only got off drugs for you. Cartier wasn’t here and I felt nothing for him until now but you just going to another guy will fuck me up, I am scared in a way. But I mean if that is what you want to do then I will take it” Sofia smirked “you said two different things, Cassius. I am not playing a game, I want you. Who the hell on this earth would make me cry during sex, what we have is more than just some random guy coming into our lives. We not that broken but it was different to see you insecure” that is a shit feeling “because I fucked up, I don’t deserve you. You know, shit just gets to me” I have a headache now, Sofia walked into me. Wrapping my arm around her as she did, she held me close “love you Cassius” closing my eyes tight “I love you too” I sighed out.

Rubbing my head as I rested my head back on the headrest “what is wrong?” taking my snapback off of my head “I got a headache” I mumbled, Sofia is driving so slow too “I got some painkillers, was it me or Cartier?” I chuckled “the damn mother got me stressed, I can’t settle to know he touched you. Cartier is good, he is a breeze. He just eat, shit and then sleep, like me I guess but I won’t do anything for you but if he tries it, see what I mean if he tries and then I am not there, it’s annoying me” it’s really annoying me, I wasn’t there last time “you really worried about it, it’s ok Cassius. I would tell you if I felt unsafe” shaking my head “Wheezy should be with you, why ain’t you using him. Sofia I will fucking blow if I let anything happened to you” how can I just let this go, feeling a hand on mine, turning my head away from the window seeing Sofia holding my hand “you really need to let that go, it’s been a while now and you don’t let it go” looking over at Sofia’ face “I will always remember it, I could have saved you but I was busy and I am always there. We could have been on our second kid, this would have been it” Sofia looked at me in sadness “stop it, I am fine. I would tell you the truth, if I felt scared I would say it. I have a son I need to be here for and you” resting my head back closing my eyes as Sofia let my hand go.

[polygamyff]

13. Part 3

Robyn wanted breakfast so I drove to iHop and got her breakfast, she don’t want to eat that hospital shit so I got her better. I didn’t sleep at all, I slept with the most painful boner. I want sex and then she is there but I couldn’t do shit when she is just there sleeping so I had to suffer, pushing my SnapBack down a little more as I walked off the elevator. Hopefully food will wake me up or something will, I keep yawning. Malik hates me, I left him in the waiting room and his dumbass didn’t think to just go but he left eventually and sent me a text. All I know his ass better have packed my stuff so I can leave for London, Ally is already in London so I will meet her there. I abruptly stopped outside the window seeing that guy that was speaking to Robyn last time when we went for the scan, he sniffing around Robyn alright. Pushing the door open “I’m back” making myself known “well I’ve just started work so let me know if you want anything” that guy better leave the room “ok thanks Damon, I’ll be back before you know it. I actually hate it here” placing the bag on the table “I can imagine but take care and hopefully see you before you go” frowning at this guy, watching him walk away. He better walk away or he won’t be seeing shit “you came back quick” looking back at Robyn “I am always quick, I also came in the morning quick” opening the bag “awww poor booboo, having nasty thoughts about me I see” she finds it funny but I don’t “not exactly” side eyeing her “you want to see some breast?” She is such a troll, she knows damn well “I can see that on pornhub, don’t need you” Robyn gasped “but it’s not mine, they don’t have my power to make you love me” she really doesn’t deserve this food “you owe me money for the food” being just as petty.

Wiping hands against my sweatpants “thank you baby, thank you for going for me. I didn’t think you would, I appreciate it and also sorry you had to be with me with a boner. I didn’t think you would have got one” rolling my eyes “you’re close to me, your body was just near me so you know how it goes. The big guy came out to play while you slept, but it’s ok and you owe me six dollars” I ain’t playing “why you like this? Half of that! Half went to the baby so three dollars” she is trying it “no, you see I had to use gas to go there so sorry six dollars or or sexual favors?” I am so horny “I said I will show you some breast? You said no, I can’t do anything with this in my arm” shaking my head at her “just imagine though, I really want sex too but we can’t. Sorry” getting up from the chair “you got your toothbrush here?” I never bring my own “erm yes why?” Asking why like she doesn’t know “I’m using it, in the bathroom yeah” a knock at the door “morning, I’ve come early to take your line out” my eyes lit up “you came just in time. She was complaining how much she wanted it out” I lied, the nurse cooed out “should have said, you don’t need it now. Hopefully get you out soon, just a few more tests” I laughed seeing Robyn’ face, I win this round “how are you feeling?” The nurse asked “erm, I would say frustrated” I love this “don’t say that, I’m sure things will get better” this dick will make her better.

Smirking at Robyn, she is free from everything now. She was only playing because she has those IV lines in her but she don’t now “there is a window” she pointed out again “I see the window but they can see my dick game, they might get a few tips from me” now she is making excuses “look, I am nasty. I can’t, I am a mess and you can’t get turned on by this” letting out an oh “so that boner was for nothing? You look fine, you’re still beautiful without make up you don’t need it. I am going soon, that bathroom as no windows” I guess if she don’t want it I will have to use my hand throughout London, this will be painful “you love using my toothbrush, I swear I feel nasty and we doing this” my phone started ringing, of course it would “you want me to help you out of bed?” getting my phone out from my pocket, it’s Ally “what is it?” answering the call “that’s rude, your jet is in Texas. Naomi took it but I got you another jet it’s fine” I am so confused “why is it still there?” I don’t get it “wait, no Naomi. Your mom wanted it. She is apparently coming to see you but I will get that cancelled” Ally is slacking “wake the fuck up, don’t call me for bullshit. You know your job do it, and I want my jet you get it here I ain’t playing. I want mine, tell my mom to keep her ass there, nobody and I mean nobody takes my jet unless I say it, got it? I am blaming this on you because you fucking know everything, right?” she is just getting on my god damn nerves “I am the same one doing more than my jobs worth while you get your dick wet, where are you exactly? Maurice don’t fucking start with me when I do everything to keep your name here, me. We have known each other for years so don’t do it, just come to London like you was supposed too” I think someone needs to calm down “but you know this, you know if I don’t give you my word then it’s not true. You work for me! Not anyone and I don’t care, we will talk in London but you need to learn that I am your boss, I let you do this because I can get anyone, you need me just like my dad needs me. Don’t” she disconnected the call, just because she was nut rag she thinks she can talk to me like that. I mean I think I am more sexually frustrated and she just got the end of it, poor her “I wish you was wearing a suit while you was doing that, you made my pussy flutter” licking my lips laughing, she is already out of bed “come, you need to let some steam off” she knows it, this is pent up no sex anger this what it is.

Robyn turned around to face me “I can’t believe I am doing this, my parents will be coming too soon but I don’t want you to go like this. Even if I don’t want you to go” I am glad Robyn is on the same page as me, I will end up firing people “I am addicted to you though, this is different and this is why I want you so bad” Robyn rubbed my dick through my sweatpants “and I am addicted to you but I feel like I am not good, you know sexy” I groaned out “this is why I get turned on by you no matter what, you the most beautiful girl I know. You make me feel things I ain’t ever had and I always want to make you happy Mi Amor” Robyn moaned as I pushed down the gown and letting it fall to the ground, looking down at Robyn’ body. Running the back of my hand across her pouch, her stomach is growing with the love baby we made. Wrapping her arms around my neck and spreading her legs open, moving my hand down even more. Moving my hand down even further, running a finger across her clit.

“I want you to teach me Spanish” it is so she can know what I be saying “well I can do that while we are in Spain together, Quiero envejecer contigo” I had to slip that in “tell me what that means now?” I sighed out “you ruin the fun but, I just said I want to grow old with you” dipping two fingers inside of her, my fingers drenched in her wetness. She wasn’t wrong when she said my anger turned her on, Robyn gasped as I used my free hand to lift her up and place her on the edge of the cold sink “you made me emotional now” before she can get emotional I claimed her lips, thrusting my tongue in her mouth. Robyn tugged down my sweatpants just enough that my dick could come out, jerking closer to her. Robyn guided me to her centre, biting down on my bottom lip to hold in her cries as the head of my dick teased her opening before sliding in. I fell forward and held on to the edge of the sink. Her walls clenched me firmly as he thrust into her at a rapid speed “oh fuck” Robyn hissed, her legs wrapping around my waist. She held on to my shoulders as I pushed my dick in deeper and deeper, each thrust harder than the last. I moaned still stroking her long and hard “oh yes” I murmured, closing my eyes. I am savouring this moment, pausing my movements I stared down at Robyn and my smile grew on my lips. I watched as her chest rose up and down “Vous avez de beaux yeux, voir la passion dans vos yeux me donne envie de vous aimer plus” I spoke in French to her, Robyn gawked at me “I don’t know what you just but I want you not stop, wow. I feel more turned on” I smiled kissing her, my tongue slipping between her lips wrestling against hers as I started to move slowly against her.

Not even going to lie but I needed that nut, someone was going to get fired in London. Picking up Robyn’ gown from the floor “Robyn?” her mom is here “shit, we both can’t leave” she snatched her gown from me, I can’t just stay here “I am coming” Robyn flushed the toilet “I am so wet” Robyn complained, washing her hands “nice to see you out of bed” just great, her dad is here “tie it for me at the back” Robyn said in a whisper, I really can’t be just stuck here that is wack. Staring down at Robyn’ bare booty, I want to bite her ass. Tying the top and working it down “I will get rid of me them and you can come out, we cannot leave together. I don’t want to upset my dad again” leaning down, biting Robyn’ booty cheek. She yelped out “you ass” placing my hand over my mouth trying not to laugh “you ok in there? You not fallen” Robyn put a finger up at me “I am here” she opened the door and sneaked out, I swear if she doesn’t get rid of them I am walking out. Fuck her dad, I don’t care what he thinks. I am so happy I got my way though, I needed sex like that shit was not happening going to London without sex.

“Get yo ass out then, biting my booty cheek like that” She knows not to leave me in there for too long “I liked it, it was just there so I had too” walking out of the bathroom “where they gone?” Robyn rushed by me and went into the bathroom, before I could say where she going she locked the door “I need to pee!” she shouted, I was about to say “ok, where they go though!?” I shouted through the door “to get me a drink, I said they both have to go because they not talking” letting out an oh “ok, are you peeing yet?” pressing my ear to the door “go away! Let me pee in silence” I chuckled “aight, let all that wetness come out” bursting out laughing, let me sit my ass down. I think her dad needs to get used to this, he will have to accept me around because I am here to stay. I don’t care what he says, I am not leaving his daughter. I am in love with her, there is no way I will leave her unless I am dead so then I have no choice. Looking down at my watch, I have not long left till I go “hello Maurice, morning” looking up from my watch “hi Terry, didn’t know you was here. I just came now” I lied “we have just got here not, nice to see you again” I grinned, she is a lovely woman like her daughter.

I really need a cigarette and a nap, I am sleepy as fuck after having sex. My eyes slowly closing again, my eyes are too heavy. My eyes shot back open, my damn phone. Looking down at the caller I.D seeing that it is Ally “hello” sitting up on the chair “you calm now?” she asked “I am relieved yes, I am very calm now. So is it coming or what?” I just need to know “the jet is flying to LAX, an hour delay. See you soon I guess” that’s all she needed to do “yeah, Malik will be with me so make sure there is a room for him. Also check on my sister for me, tell her to update myself and also why was my mom coming here?” I would call her but no “to see you, and she wanted to shop” I knew that “that’s all she knows, ok. I will see you soon” disconnecting the call, I feel so awkward speaking with everyone in the room “business?” Robyn’ mom said smiling “yeah could say, will be going soon” fixing my gold chain around my neck “how many siblings do you have? Is there a lot of you, you are the eldest?” Robyn’ mom wants to know “my sister is eldest, then my half brother Adam but he’s not well so it goes to me and then Malik” I may see him while I am there, Germany ain’t far “there is a few of you then, that is nice. Its nice to see you being supportive to my daughter because of the baby” I am guessing her mom doesn’t know “yeah, I am not a deadbeat. I have told her if she needs anything to come to me” I don’t think her parents want us together while I am married like that, so I will leave it to that.

“Maurice we need to go, the SUV is outside and the guy came to get the car” I guess that is me, getting up from the chair “hi Robyn, why you not coming with us?” I am not sure if I can hug Robyn now, what do I do “I have a lot on here but maybe next time Malik, you should sit in the room. You always going somewhere, you owe me a subway by the way” Malik cringed “I am so sorry about that, hi parents” my brother is stupid “aight, I will see you outside” I am sending Malik out like I do anything, walking over to the bed. Taking my phone off charge “erm, can I just have a little privacy. I need to speak to Maurice on his own” Robyn is using her brain and doing it herself “anything you can say you can say it with us here” her dad is so bitter, I am staying out of it “not really dad, haven’t you done enough. You sit here with me in silence because you’re guilty” hearing the chair scrape the flooring, looking behind as he stormed out “I will be outside, bye Maurice” her mom walked off, Robyn looked up at me “I am so sad you’re going” Robyn reached her hand up and held my hand “same, I am going to miss you” bringing her hand up to my lips, pressing a kiss to it “if you need me, call me. I will be here straight away” I feel bad for leaving her “also, can you try and get rid of Ally. Slowly try ok?” chewing on my bottom lips nodding, leaning down and kissing Robyn’ cheek “I love you Mi Amor” I am going to miss her like crazy.

I know I have just got out of hospital practically yesterday but I am determined to leave now, my dad pushed me and I want to show him he can lose me. Just because I’m home he assumes I ain’t about to do it, the hell I am “who’s this gold chain from? Is it real?” He lifted it up from my bed “oh girl, aftershave smells so nice. Is this your mans?” Smiling at Leon “yeah, he left it me because I didn’t want him to go but I love smelling it. It smells like him” Leon put the chain back down “it also smells like money, we can get our deposit with this” Leon ain’t shit “you put that down now, don’t be selling my man things” putting my lipgloss onto my lips “oh my god I didn’t tell you, well before he left. He kept saying he wants sex, I was like oh dear can’t do I got the IV line in. So I was like I got the upper hand here, kept teasing him. He laid in the bed with me, now I am not telling him this but I did touch his dick now and then but pretended I was asleep until I did fall asleep, so he woke up complaining he had a boner. I was adamant I was not going to have sex, so he gets a phone call and he is angry. I know for a fact he’s not angry at what happened, he wants sex but it turned me on to see him angry. We had sex in the bathroom” Leon gasped “no fucking way!! Bitch, his dick hitting your guts? He looks big, wow. Hospital sex? That is freak nasty! I like” picking Maurice chain from the bed “his dick takes me places, he’s a very horny guy let’s just say that” Leon clapped his hands “I need a guy like that, so I can scream his name!! Yesss daddy” laughing at Leon, he is something else “you had sex in the hospital bathroom, you are getting trashy and I am here for it. You wouldn’t think he’s a man with money, but he better get me a discount we are going Paris. I want to see the world and I can with his very discount and you are coming with me” he is making his own plans here “Leon, I never said oh my god, he speak Spanish to me and French when we have sex, I be pooling” Leon’ mouth fell open “now I always liked Kellen but this one, he is the one. Boy, he got you good” he’s got me by my heart and pussy now.

I didn’t feel like driving so Leon and I caught the bus, even though Leon hates me for it. I have to get gas too and that’s a pain, I just rather sit and something else drive me around “I am sure your man ain’t going to like this, he probably hasn’t rode the bus” I shrugged “oh well but you better get this right, Maurice won’t have me living anywhere” I told him “we all ain’t got that money you know, we will get what we need but the real estate is nice. They have a whole range so we good, I am so excited to live with you Robyn. You’re so beautiful friend” I sure as in hell don’t feel beautiful “thank you and honestly, I need to move. Be an adult, but don’t want to hear Maurice complain if the home is not good enough so we need to do good” Leon scoffed “but I bet his ass will still be staying over, ignore his ass. Shall we stay in Anaheim or move? Santa Monica, be closer to your man?” I could actually “I think I want to stay in Anaheim, I don’t want to move far from my mom you see. She is going to be my babysitter and also it is closer my job, I refuse to be moving any further. I know he is in Santa Monica but then what is the point I will spend most my day driving” I just got a feeling he is going to hate it, I will look it and he will be like no.

Leon set this whole thing up, all I know is they better be good “look how nice that is but it’s Long Beach, but girl. I would need to sell my body monthly for that” looking at the posts on the store front waiting for our appointment “what if it is just two bedroom, is that a no or?” I have noticed for Anaheim it is hard to get three because then it’s a house “then so be it, we just get a two bedroom. It’s fine, I just want it to be nice though. I will put the deposit down, I have the money, then you can just catch up with the monthly rent money. I know you, don’t give me that face. I love you Leon and we all don’t have that, some need that support and help. I am with you all the way, none of the mushy shit now. Suck it up” someone cleared their throat behind us, Leon and I both turned around “I am Naomi, it’s ok Saleem I can take it” the air got caught in my throat, I froze seeing the very woman I saw in that magazine. Holy shit, this is Maurice’ wife. She glared at me, like she knew me but she don’t know me so maybe I should not act awkward. How the fuck did this happen, fucking Leon and his bright ideas but he doesn’t know “would you like to walk over to my desk?” I would like the ground to swallow me the fuck up.

I rather that other guy dealt with us, she knows. I have the biggest feeling she does, the way she walked to me. The way she looked at me, Maurice said it. Oh my god he said it, her family own real estates “Robyn, the fuck? Speak” Leon said “erm about what?” I want to go, I don’t even want to deal with that. Why is my luck like this, how the fuck am I here right in front of his wife out of all the people in the world. This is actually bad luck “yes Robyn, some input would be nice” every word she said to me just felt bitchy already “I want it to be three bedrooms, because I have a bigger responsibility now and I want my child to have it’s own room” I said nonchalantly, I don’t have the issue because she has it “oh right, right. You mean my husbands bastard child” blinking several times unsure she actually said that “woah, woah. Hold up, what is this? What?” Leon said, she thinks she can talk about my child “well least I can produce a child but that’s for another time, I didn’t know someone is still a husband when he can’t touch you or say he loves you. Don’t come for my child, I don’t want to be rude, got it?” I don’t care what she says about me, but not my baby “bitch, you’re so proud of sleeping with a married man. You’re tacky, did your parents kick you out for this?” her mouth will get her beat “no! I just slept with yours and I didn’t know he was married because clearly you couldn’t make him keep that tag on, his ring was gone! But you know what, just to add to it. It was worth every orgasm, on the first night” I don’t like being like this, why is she doing this “you’re really not special, you’re just another woman he has been with. I may not be able to have kids but that child will always be a bastard child, unwanted to many. I would watch yourself, I must say. He outdid himself with getting someone pregnant, I am not shocked. Just shocked it took so long, you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. Buckle up, it will be bumpy. I would run” getting up from the chair “Leon, let’s go” staring at Naomi “what the fuck has just happened” he said.

I am so angry right now “now that we are here, you now need to speak. What the fuck!? Do you know the girl?” staring out of the window, she is crazy but is her crazy some truth to it “Leon, Maurice is married. I didn’t know, I found out in New York. This is why I came back so ill, I was sick to my stomach. I love him though so we are just working through things and that is his wife, she knows me and I don’t know how she would have” Leon froze staring at my face, he is in shock “wait, so Maurice is currently married to that woman we just saw? And you’re pregnant with his child? Wow, you never said this to me. This is drama I never knew, he is married? Why is he currently married?” this is a mess “because his family are a mess, all I know right now is you think she was talking sense?” I need Leon to tell me what he felt “she looked like a scorned woman, a woman that wasn’t shocked to his cheating ways. I think she may be saying things to upset you, but a married man wouldn’t cheat if he was happy. This is a mess, I am so sorry. I never knew” I would ring Maurice but I need to think, it’s just a mess.

[thugnan]

Secret of the Scarlet Hand (PC 2002)

Story: 4/10

Characters: 3/10

Puzzles: 3/10

Chores: 4/10

Final Rating: 5/10

I’ve only played this one once and I honestly can’t remember parts of it or the plot. I love that this was the first appearance of Soony Joon, but other than that all the characters fell flat for me. This one took the educational aspects of Treasure in a Royal Tower and multiplied them by 100, in a bad way. This game played more like a Broderbund game, the puzzles were obnoxious and the play through was erratic (not as linear as its predecessors). Some of the chores involved bouncing back and forth a bunch (like the quizzes). I don’t remember there being any glitches though.  

Plot (spoilers obviously)

Thug Nan gets an internship at Beech Hill, a museum hosting a super big exhibit on the Maya. From the get go you get the impression that maybe this museum can’t afford to do this? Thug Nan is like “wait a minute this internship is paid right?” 

They hand you a list of chores and tell you to get on it. They’re preparing for the exhibition of a giant rock monolith. While doing these chores you meet:

Joanna: Your boss as the museum’s curator. She appears a little young to be running the place and slightly desperate to get income into the museum. Low key she cute tho.

Henrik Vander Hoop: He’s fancy and has an accent. He’s a researcher and knows things about glyphs. Not v social for the most part. 

Ale-ale-jandro: I don’t think I was supposed to like this guy tbh, judging from the responses Nancy had for some of his SJW rants, but yo he’s not wrong. I might be biased as we are basically the same person tho. He works with the consulate and appears to have a close relationship with the museum. He hates Johana and Taylor because they’re pirates. 

Taylor Sinclair: I thought he was a lawyer for some reason? He’s an art dealer, and tbh I’m suspicious of him immediately. I think it’s the mustache. Idk what it is about it but I don’t like it. He calls you into his office because he’s concerned that someone is gonna steal from Beech Hill, which heightens my suspicion of him but whatever. 

As we continue to do errands, we get more of a feel for the museum’s financial situation. When you try to order supplies, the distributor tells you that he sent you to collections and to gtfo.

The next morning, you’re in your office when the alarm goes off, someone has stolen a jade relic of King Pacal’s. The cops come and go, you ask Joanna about it and she gives you the a-ok to snoop up in there. She appears to care more about collecting that insurance monies. Suspicious but ok. 

Henrik is apparently also nowhere to be seen? Suspicious but ok. 

Alejandro and Taylor subtly mention that they were both in the building at the time of the robbery. Idk why either of them would incriminate themselves like that? Suspicious but ok. 

You get a call from Franklin Rose, your dad’s friend that hooked you up with the internship. He’s like legally speaking I need u to investigate this. So Thug Nan is like “aw yee, I’ma do it because you told me to, and not because suspicious Taylor told me to.” 

The robbers left a calling card, because you know, all the smart robbers do that right? Also idk how the cops dropped the ball on this one because the culprit’s calling card is A HAND PRINT. I’da been running the show I would just hand printed everyone in the building, and called it a day. 

So you gotta do some more tedious chores, which you only are able to pull of because the wack who had your internship before you left a bunch of drawings as hints. Soony Joon, I’ma tell u now that I think you’re a mad lad, but also thank you for ur service. 

You get in contact with some other folks that were also struck by the thieves who hit Beech Hill. They send you some more clues. 

THEN HENRIK IS YEETED DOWN THE STAIRS (seriously, what is the deal with this series and stair yeeting?) I’m going to say now that the stairs that Henrik fell down were a lot taller than those of El Paso High School, I’m just saying, idk how Henrik didn’t die but ok. 

Homeboy has amnesia. Johana was booted out of the building for mismanaging the museum and being overall suspicious. You and I know what this means right? Time to trespass go thru everyone’s shit. 

Johana was not happy about being booted out, and begs you to prove that she didn’t steal the pacal relic so the cops will let her go and the board will let her back into the building. I don’t really want to do that but I guess.

I made zero effort to talk Franklin into letting her back in whoops 8D. But she can’t say I didn’t call him. 

Meanwhile Henrik’s nurse/therapist hits you up like “yo he kept saying ur name in his sleep so we think it’s a good idea for you to visit. You can help him get his memory back” Yeah? Well remember that I said that he wasn’t v social? I legit know NOTHING about him, especially since his desk is all locked up. Idk why he was saying my name in his delirium but I hope that he knows that I am completely loyal to Frank Hardy  Ned, and if I were to cheat on him it woulda been with my sweet Maddie in Stay Tuned for Danger. I guess I don’t blame Henrik tho, erryone wants a piece of this Thug Nan. What can I say? I live dangerously. (Altho for once I haven’t been attempted murdered) 

While trying to jog Henrik’s memory you find out:

Henrik probably maybe stole the Pacal, but it sounds like he had Taylor logic. He stole it so the real thieves wouldn’t steal it?

He’s in cahoots with smugglers

Alejandro called the cops on Johana, and needs Thug Nan to “borrow” some papers from her. I don’t like the way he went about it but I respect the balls on this man. 

You gotta find like 5 other relics to open the dumb monolith… great. I still don't know why would want to?

Pacal (the real dood not the relic) built the monolith to suffocate a scribe/reporter that was too nosy for her own good. My dood was harsh.

Thug Nan finds the Pacal because well… she had to. And slowly but surely it begins to come together. Tbh the plot to this game was so convoluted, that I wouldn’t have figured out what I had to do without calling Frank and Joe every other second. 

Somehow I gather all the relics I needed to open the damn box, and you know I’m starting to think. If this Pacal guy didn’t want this scribe lady to ever be found why the eff would he make a key to the tomb in the first place? Whatever. I open the box and T A Y L O R  S I N C L A I R LOCKS ME IN THERE WITH A THOUSAND YEAR OLD ROTTING CORPSE.  THIS MAN IS ABOUT TO FEEL THE WRATH OF THUG NAN. 

Anyway, getting out of there was not that hard, my girl the scribe shoulda made more of an effort, but hey she didn’t have a handy dandy glowstick like moi. When I got out Johana, Alejandro, and a recovered Henry were on the other side waiting? Instead of helping me? They were v creepily like “YOU DID IT NANCY WE KNEW YOU WOULD.” Except they used Dr. Seuss rhymes to tell me this which only made it creepier. Also they knew it was Sinclair without me telling them? Which is like cool but WhY DiDnT U StOp hIm. They play it off as “well he stole the fake stuff” THEY LITERALLY HAD NO WAY OF KNOWING THAT.  

Um, the end?

They left a couple of plot holes unresolved I think? Like Henrik having connections with smugglers. Why did he steal the pacal in the first place? What did he know about Taylor? Who pushed him off the pyramid? Or did he really fall? Alejandro seemed to be peachy with Beech Hill after he found out that the Pacal’s papers were legit? And Johana never asked me about the missing papers, she was also let off with a warning? Okie dokes. 

[ain-t-bovvered]

14x03 commentary

A/N: NOW WITH @waywardbaby 

14x03 “THE SCAR”

zeta: The intro finished. Hush

- not gonna lie.... I’m not excited for this. I’m still salty over the Micheal lasting 2 ep thing.

- THE BEARD JOKE JFC

zeta: it’s just a beard, Duck dynasty called.

- this was the cutest okay?!?!

- S:  Well someone like Sam like that okay? you are just jealous.

zeta: Innocent child

-MMBLREGH! SHARING FEELINGS TIME

zeta: “Michael bailed”

Dean be lying

Sam be knowning

Sam: I know you are lying.

Dean: I know you know.

Sam: I know you know that I know

Dean: Isn’t it nice to be back?

- D “ aaaah it’s nice to be back h- *record scratch*

D : the fuck?! 

zeta: Home?! Wtf  . The shirt and the vest tho.

zeta: Chief?

zeta: Dad is back. Jack is happy

[ENTERS CASTIEL] 

* audience whistle*

zeta: And there’s the happy husband

[COMMENCE THE STARING]

*audience awwwwing*

- D: still okay, I promise”

zeta : still okay

- S, J and C looking at each other : He’s lying 

Us: he’s lying

- I’M SORRY....DID Y’ALL JUST LOSE THAT DAMAGED PERSON WITH SATANIC HEAVY LUGGAGE AND PTSD?!?

- C “why would Micheal just give up his vessel like that “ 

yeah...exactly....waiting for the weak ass explanation

- [ commence Dean’s face melting and feels cooking up]

zeta: Right

zeta: Oh hello

-welp there it is

zeta: Second scar. Tag your porn ffs

- that fucking scar is bullshit ok??

- D” yeah I can handle Cass that “ 

 C “ Dean...”

 D “ Cass...come on...hit me “   ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

 S “ i’m so tired “

zeta: drag it out of me  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

- Can....can I just ...

YES GRIP THAT ARM TIGHT 

..ok sorry *screams into a pillow*

- AAAANYWAY.... fucking Kaya huh?! 

zeta : I need the other sherif tho

Zeta my god down girl

- AAAW CLAIRE 

-This episode is Sam huh huhing 

zeta : Petition for Sam to never shave off the beard

-aww that little push was cute like 

S: Dude come on talk to mom#2

- DUN DUUUUN MONSTER CASE

- Cass doing his hunter backpack IS CLEANING MY SKIN, AND MY CROPS ARE THRIVING

- [enters Jack] ....oh no

- D: “ You are barely an 100 pounds soaking wet “ ...  my EU ass :

- Jack : Damn I wish I went with my dad and got that laser sword tho

- D: “I didn’t mean to be a dick”

- THOSE ARE SOME GOOD AF EYELASHES EXTENSION  I want mine done again *whines*

- Castiel’s hand.....BRUUUUUUUUUUUH GIMMIE 

- “UUUH this might take a while .... you two...go bla bla bla I’ll catch up “

zeta: Both Dads on the same page

- Aww Dean driving how nice.

zeta: Hello, the roar of Baby

- “ Cass can handle it “

yes yes he can ...

- oh wait it the brother in the Impala so....FEELING TIME

- “I didn’t know if you were alive I- “   “I just need you to talk to me “

OOOOOH MY BABY LOOK AT HIS EYEEEEES JARED JFC

zeta: Give Sam a fucking hug. Somebody

- Jody looking like a snac tho

zeta: jODY SMILING JUST CURED MY ALLERGIES

-EXCUSE YOU JENSEN WHAT IS THAT , just kill me while you are at it Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ.

zeta: She likes the beard, in your face Dean

- “Claire is still.....Claire”

- Sam : 

- That smug face OMG

-Dean is like....NO TIME WASTING KIDS

-jack WAT R U DOING YOUNG MAN YOU R ON THIN FUCKING ICE OKAY?

zeta: WTF is Jack doing?

me: being a terrible child

- Oh I love Castiel with books

- “Like sleeping beauty “ ..... ok your cute ass is forgiven for now.

zeta: like sleeping beauty,... seriously

zeta Are you going somewhere

- Please don’t ever cut Sam’s beard , it’s doing things to me. (lol zeta)

- ....and thing tied around Dean’s thigh are doing god’s work. 

zeta: Those bow legs, Is this the time to mention the knife on Dean’s thigh? 

( lol Zeta#2)

 I should be commenting on the plot too sometimes ( lol who am I kidding right?). Anyway...I think Dean’s is remembering the place.

The directors are loving close ups.....and I’m definitely not complaining .

- Heads on a pike ....yikes.

zeta: what....Kaya?

- Kaya owning three hunter’s asses is life.

- aaaand that is not-Jensen landing on not-Jared. I mean....that’s a not-Jared belly.

zeta: those close ups give me life

- Castiel searching stuff around the bunker with his power ....can you imagine not having to look for the keys anymore??? 10/10 would marry.

- Marked “ Gross stuff” . Dean marked it I fucking swear.

zeta: gross stuff

zeta:” Is that your dad?”    “one of them”

- Yo....Jack needs to stop breaking my heart.

- Ok even before finishing the ep I fucking new that damn pendant had something to do with the spell and shit 

- YAS SAM IS SO SMART UUUUGH

- Bearded Bitchface yaaas

zeta: Sam just wants to punch him in the face

me... with love

...

I’m sorry I need to do this I’ve been laughing for hours

- me to Castiel : Speak Latin to me 

- Well that didn’t work      zeta: that didn’t go well

- “FIRST LOVE STRIKES QUICK “

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh heck yeak

zeta: I need Kaya’s coat

zeta: Right in the face

- Yeeeeah...Dean’s in that autopilot state that he was when Jack let them see Mary alive and being tortured.

- “....and weak “

zeta: Sassy. “you are much weaker£

Bitch the fuck

- Okay I know that SPN is not famous for the special effect and shit...but those prosthetics are wack

- “ ..you let her die “ .... why is jack testing me so much ?!?!?

zeta: poor baby jack

- Seeing Castiel feeling pain seeing his son in pain is giving me pain STAPH IT

-Yas Jack baby use that smart af brain your other dad gave you

- D: “We need to break her, right here right now”

  Jody:  Wha

 D: “I’m gonna do whatever it takes”

mmmmm flashbacks and deja vu

- oooooh damn Dean mad is kinky tho , proofs follows:

- sorry I need to go change now.

zeta: the fucking close ups

--- I NEED A PAUSE OKAY?? ---

zeta: Holy fucking yes, clever baby jack

- LIKE....THAT PROUD DAD FACE CASTIEL IS WEARING IS ILLEGAL

zeta: Proud father

- [flashback]  seee I told ya

- evil Kaya: “ You are scared...and you are weak “ oh boi

zeta: I’ve sensed you

- Michael with his damn hat and suit“ I’m here to make you an offer “    

  my italian ass : 

[fight]

Micheal not using his friggin’ archangel’s powers with a...like...a kid

zeta: Yeah I should not like this so much

- Well that was underwhelming anyway ( still hot tho). 

- Y’all I wanna see how they intent to explain all of * gesture* that.

- also that fight with the bad special effect teeth werewolf was disappointing ....I mean wow....ok.....

zeta: They are getting their ass kicked

- #stopbreakingJodysbones2k18

- Kaya yeeting out this bad writing is mood 

zeta: she fucking bailed----or not

- JUST GiVE THEM THAT DAMN SPEAR

-” Dean Winchester you have nothing to apologize for” Jody is the better Mom

- “I just fear that I’ve already lost before I could even begin “.... wow ok thank Jody. Also I’ve read how someone saw Bobo’s mourning over wayward sisters and I AGREE *slams fists on the table with tears in my eyes*

zeta: just dreading those consequences

- “The mind of a hunter and the heart of a hunter “  *sobs*  “Maybe we could go on a hunting trip “ ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS JFC CASTIEL YOU ABSOLUTE ANGEL DAD I CAN’T.

zeta: Cas smiling....rare

- Jack coughing “ I’m fine “ 

zeta: What is wrong with baby jack?

me : OH LOOK that’s another thing he got from his dads,

- D : “ You were right...”   S: wha

  D:” I don’t want to look at it, what Micheal used me for”    “ and it wasn’t a blink “

Oh FUCKING GREAT I KNEW IT

“I remember most of what Micheal did with me” 

OH

“...drowning , and that I remember. I felt every second of it, clawing , fighting for air “

zeta: Drowning FUCK

“ ...and it’s all on me man “

SAM: 

JFC JARED you are killing me this season

zeta: If they kill Jack I’m rioting

- ......HMMMMMM WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ?!?!?

.

.

.

.

WELP I’M TIRED , SAD AND AROUSED . So nothing new here right?

I DON’T KNOW WHO TO TAG, send an ask HERE if you want or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @supernatural-teamfreewillpage @destiel-honeypie @mariekoukie6661 @dragontamerm  @closetspngirl 

[eerythingisshaka]

Wakanda Got Y’all Pt. 4

[Black Panther x Insecure Crossover]

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Word Count: 2.8K

A/N:  I know I said this would be the last chapter buuuuut....stay tuned for more!

Molly grips the edge of the counter her sink rests in as she takes a deep breath.  She tries to concentrate on the patterns in her bathroom walls as Erik does his work between her legs.

“How you feelin?”  He asks, looking up at her with a slight smirk.

Molly bites her lip, thinking about how she couldn’t believe she happening.  “It’s good, so far.”

Erik nods.  “Bet.  Lift that other leg up a bit.  I ain’t tryna miss nothin, you know?”

He taps her inner thigh with the back of his hand until she got the message, spreading herself further.

“You ever do this before?”  Molly asked nervously.

Erik bobs his head here and there.  “Ehhh, only one time I remember a female being really down for it, but everyone else is like, offended and shit.”

Molly exhales in disbelief, “Aww, for real?  Tsk, this saves me some wrist strain.  It’s nice to be offered, cuz I definitely wasn’t askin, who would?  Just don’t do too much, being an Edward Scissorhands and shit.”

Erik flexed his dimples as he licked his lips in concentration of her center.  He had already put in most of the work already, he just wanted to get to her outer lips a little.

Taking the razor in one hand, he places one finger against her outer labia for a flatter surface area, dragging the blade along her skin with the grain.  The scratchy sound of the razor taking down the stubble is the soundtrack to the room as Molly holds her breath awaiting him to finish.  She wanted to stroke his locs, but figured that would mess up his flow.  He wipes the razor off, repeating the process until she was clean.  

Erik nods, surveying his work with pride.  “There’s more than one way to skin a cat, but I think this is my favorite.”

Molly looks down for herself, feeling her freshly shaved exterior.  “Yeahhh, look at that?  You ever thought about doing this professionally?”

Erik stands in front of Molly, doing his shrug with a silly face.  “I don’t think I have.  But when I look into it, you can write my recommendation, in detail.”

Their shared laughter slowly faded into blank expressions as Molly felt herself heat with anxiety.  She studied Erik’s eyes dilating, plush lips just inches from hers, she wasn’t quite sure how to proceed.

Erik licks his lips. “You wanna do somethin else, now?” his voice saturated with testosterone fueled bass.

Molly stares at him, eyes wide, swallowing to keep her voice steady.  “Uh, I think you wanted to watch somethin on the TV….right?”

Erik looks down Molly’s body before returning to her face.  “If that’s it, you may wanna bring that leg down again.”

Molly curses under her breath as she pulls her dress back down, crossing her ankles.  

Erik chuckles, “You actin shy NOW is too damn funny.  That’s cool though, I’m bout to head out.”

Molly looks after him heading out her bathroom door.  “Wha-what about a nightcap?  My Netflix list is really thick, if you still wanna chill!”  She gets up to go after him.

Erik picks his jacket off her couch walking for her front door.  “Nah, I ain’t really been into what’s available anyway.”

As Erik turns back to her once more, Molly rubs her arm, wondering how to leave their conversation.  “Um, well, thanks for the shape up?”

Erik flashed his golds, lookin at the floor, “Yeah, thanks for trusting me with a razor after a drink.”

Molly stands there until she squints at him suspiciously.  “And that’s really gonna be it?  My pussy was on full display, and you ain’t tryin shit?”

Erik cocks his head to the side. “You tryna see my dick to call it even?”

Molly wheezes with embarrassment.  “Whaaaaa? Who said that? Don’t try me, ol boy!”

Erik steps to Molly, lookin straight down in her face, “You don’t act like you ready to try a damn thing, witcha shy actin ass,”  Erik says, practically growling.

Molly, gulps again.  Soon as Erik closes in on her, she is a puddle.  “I just don’t know you for real, or what to expect, you know?  It’s-”

Erik shakes his head, “See, you already thinkin too much bout it.  I’m here, you here.  I’m cool, you fine as hell...and I know you think the same.”

Molly kisses her teeth, “Nigga, don’t flatter yourself.”

ERik raises an eyebrow, “I could see it for myself.  The towel was necessary back there-”

Molly pops him in his arm, hurting herself more than him.  “Whatever, boy!  Go on then, I’m good.”

“You good?”

Molly nods.

Erik leans his head down hovering over her mouth.  They look in each other’s eyes for what seemed like an eternity, before Molly closes the gap.  Slowly they sucked on each other’s lips, like ripened fruit.  Molly caught herself leaning into a little further than she consciously meant to, before Erik pulls back.

“Maybe you ain’t so shy.  We’ll see though.  Call me when you need another appointment, Moll.”

Molly closes the door after him, leaning on the doorframe, completely hot and bothered.  

----

“And that’s all that happened?”  Issa asks her incredulously over a stack of chicken and waffles.

Molly shrugs, pickin at her food, “Girl, that was it.  My snatch was all there for him to do what he wanted, but all he did was help a sistah out.”

“Well I wish a nigga would offer me some salon care if I needed to clear some brush.  That oughta be a requirement.”

Molly laughs, “Could you imagine niggas going to a trade school to learn that because that’s what needs to be done to get pussy?”

“Shit, they do that for cars, clothes, and shit.  Get some skills that are useful for once, save a bitch a dollar.”

“Right?  So….. I don’t know.  He told me to call him if I need a touch up.”  Molly says.

Issa looks at Molly suspiciously, “Now, did he really say that, cuz he startin to sound kinda….” her voice trails off as she wiggles her hand side to side.

Molly screws her face up, “No, dang!  It’s a euphemism, no doubt.  But, I don’t know….”

Issa shrugs, “I know you not gettin cold feet after he has literally played with ya pussy already.  Somethin backwards about that.”

Molly waves her hands, “I know!! It just seemed too intimate to do that and NOT have sex.  I ain’t ready to be wifin niggas up or nuthin.”

“Girl, I’m sure he playin you as hard as you playin him, so don’t think too much.  Just call him up cuz I know you hate clingy dudes, so make your plans.”

Molly pulls out her phone side eyeing Issa.  “Pssh, whatever, miss know-it-all.  Swear you know somebody life.”  Molly grumbles under her breath.  As she texts Erik, she asks Issa, “What about T’Challa though?  When’s your movie date?”

“Umm, supposed to be tomorrow.  And it’s not a date, it’s just...an outing between colleagues to blow off steam.”

Molly scoffs putting down her phone.  “Is that what we callin it these days?  Is that why you asked me about the vaginal rejuvenation buy one get one free promo on Groupon?”

Issa rolls her eyes.  “Female hygiene/reproductive health is important.”

“Bullshit, you gettin ya walls waxed for a slip and slide.”  Molly quips.

“Ok!  I don’t even know what he is down for.  He from the motherland and everything, he might be saving himself.”

Molly pauses, pressing her fist to her mouth.  “It is the biggest misconception that these foreign fools out here all high and mighty, chaste.  Sure there’s some, but TRUST men are men, across all borders.  Food and women:  serve it up, they eatin.”

Issa talks out the side of her mouth.  “Everyone ‘cept you apparently….”

“Aight you can pay your own meal if you wanna talk.”

“Nooo!  I love you!  You’re so great!  Pussy is bomb, sure he gon nom!”  Issa sings beggingly.

---

The evening of the associate outing with T’Challa was less than an hour away, and Issa took her place at the mirror.  Looking at her fiercest rival, herself, she catches a rhythm in her head and start bobbing, feelin herself.

Yo, I been peeped that you really feelin me.

So the next step oughta come quite  naturally.

You can make ya move, but remember I’m the driver.

Don’t want a minute man, don’t even think of gettin tired.

Movie popcorn too high priced, it’s really wack

So how about you try making this nani ya snack?

New name alert, you can her goldfish

Make this pussy smile back, dip in my well and make a wish--

Issa sighs heavily, “Why you so damn horny?”  she touches up her eyebrows as her phone goes off.  T’Challa texts her saying he is on the way to the theatre.  Issa confirms, saying she is too.  She spends another fifteen minutes touching up her face and taking pictures for the ‘gram before heading out in her car.  

Issa bops to her Frank Ocean, getting good vibes and feeling completely full and ready for this night.  It was really starting to feel like a stress reliever.

Suddenly a bump hits her tire.  Issa stills herself as her car rolls violently and rickety down the street.  The rhythmic plop of her tire with every rotation signaled she just made herself a flat tire.

“Shit, shit, nooo!”  Issa curses out loud as she pulled over to the first lear space she could find on the side of the road.  Getting out she begrudgingly surveyed the damage: completely flat.

“Fuck!  Why me!”  Issa yelled to the sky as she clopped over to lean on her car in frustration.  Alone in a cute outfit with brokedown transportation at night wasn’t the best situation for her to be in so she pulls her phone out to call T’Challa and cancel first.

He picks up on the first ring.  “Hello, Ms. Issa.  Are you close?”

Issa picks at the hem of her shorts.  “No, I gotta give you a raincheck, I’m sorry.”

T’Challa sighs disappointed.  “Ahh, did you have other plans then?”

Issa double checks her surroundings.  “I wish I did right now, but no I’m not trying to skip out, my car just gave up on me.”

“Oh, do you need a ride?”  T’Challa asks with a little more perkiness.

Issa pauses.  “Uh, I guess, if you don’t mind?  I don’t want to put you out since you’re already there.”

“Oh no!  It is ok.  Please, just let me know where you are.”  T’Challa says.

She can hear his keys jingling as she tells him her address, going back in her car to wait.

T’Challa’s car pulls up behind hers.  He gets out leaning on her driver’s side.  “That’s a nasty flat.”

Issa sighs, “I needed new tires anyway.  I was waiting for a bonus at work, but why not now, right?”

T’Challa looks at her empathetically, stroking his chin.  “Life has a funny way of doing things like that.”

Issa nods, looking at the time on her phone, groaning with disappointment.  “The movie already started.  We won’t get another showing for another two hours.  I knew I should’ve let you go on home instead of getting me, now that we can’t make the show.”

T’Challa wears a long face.  “I was really looking forward to that show about….the dog?”

Issa chuckles, “Yeeaah, that meets the robot and they save Wall Street?”

T’Challa smiles, the apples of his cheeks invading his facial structure.  “Ahh, an Oscar worthy film, indeed.   Shame to miss…..well at least let me take you home then.”  T’Challa opens her car door as he guides her to his.

“Thank you again, I really appreciate it.”  The ride to her house was quiet.  Issa wasn’t sure what to say since the night was presumably over, but it could also not be over.  She was a grown woman, without a curfew or a parent at home, who could tell her what not to do.  But she certainly didn’t feel comfortable enough to have him burn his gas to turn around and go somewhere else now.  Issa sneaks a look over a T’Challa concentrated on the road.  His arm outstretched, toned and shapely with not so humble muscles.  His long, knuckly hands grip the wheel, subtly massaging the rim.  Issa checks her phone to pass the time, coming up with a game plan as he pulls up to her spot.

He drops his hands to his lap, looking over at Issa.  “Well here we are, Ms. Issa.  If you want to go get your car in the morning, let me know.  I don’t mind at all helping out.  Do you have a spare?”

Issa shakes her head, “No...responsibility isn’t my strongest characteristic.”

T’Challa smirks, “I don’t see you that way at all.  You have many talents as I have seen, and you are a great help to me and the team.”

Issa cheeses, “Well, if you say so, I’ll take it!”

T’Challa leans his head on the headrest.  “It’s true, you are a smart woman.   That’s how I know we can be a success.  It’s not lost on me the cultural differences between me and the community here, but with you as a liason, I can make sure no one is offended or lost in my accent.”

Issa chuckles, “It’s all good.  That lady and her kids were really just looking for a fight.  People aren’t always at their best when accepting help so expect some struggle, but I hear you, no problem at all to bridge that gap.  As for the accent, keep that.  It’s a great ice breaker.”

“You think so?”

“Oh yeah.  People perk up to it automatically to listen closer, so if you have meaningful shit to say, it’ll land quicker.  Plus it’s sexy as…..”  Issa’s voice fades as she catches herself saying too much.

T’Challa tucks his lips and nods, looking ahead as they sit for a while in silence.  Issa cursed herself for getting too forward but also, it had to be said; or at least she convinced herself of that.  How else could she try to lay claim to him without a little flirting?  Issa wasn’t ready to call it a night, so she worked up some inner hood nerve.

“So, you wanna come up or nah?!”  Issa asked with a little too much bass in her voice.

T’Challa looked at her half like she was crazy but slowly smiled.  “You would like some company?”

Issa clears her throat nodding, “I mean, sure.  I’m reclaiming my time!  Just cuz we can’t see a new movie doesn’t mean we can’t hang out.  If you want to, you got the green light….”  Issa’s voice trails off as she studies T’Challa’s reaction.

He takes his keys out of the ignition.  “That sounds like a wonderful idea.”

Issa and T’Challa make their way up to her place, going in she turns on the light.  “Sorry for the mess.  I stay unprepared for company.”

T’Challa stands surveying the surroundings.  “Oh, it’s alright.  I’m just content to be invited.”

Issa picks some clothes off of the couch and cups from the table.  “Please, sit.  Do you drink?”

T’Challa sits, picking up a pillow, studying its design.  “Occasionally; I wouldn’t mind a glass.  Who is this?”

Issa pulls out a bottle looking back at him staring at the pillow.  “Oh that’s Frank Ocean.  Have you heard him?”

T’Challa shakes his head.  “No, but you must think highly of him.”

Issa screws her face up as she pours some cheap moscato.  “I mean, he cool.  I just really liked the pillow.”

T’Challa reads her reaction.  “You don’t have to be embarrassed, it’s cute.”

Issa nods and whispers a cheer to herself at being called cute as she walks the glasses over to him.  “Yeah, I’m a big music head.  Nicki Minaj is around here somewhere but she may be on time out anyway.  Gettin all loud and outta pocket.”  

T’Challa laughs into his glass as he sips.  “I see.  Well, it’s nice to see someone laying down the law in their home.”

Issa gulps her drink as his vice dropped to a sexy octave.  “Mhm!  That’s me!  All business round here.”

T’Challa leans forward putting his drink down.  “Well we aren’t on the clock now, thank goodness.  This week was very crazy.”

“The craziest!  But that should be a sign that it’s on the way for the better now.”

T’Challa turns to Issa, looking at her a little too long.  “Wise words from an attractive woman.”

Issa was internally screaming at this blunt response, but laughs it off to keep the mood light.  “Well the lighting in here is deceptive sometime, and I had a pimple this morning, so...”  

“No joke, don’t sell yourself short.”  T’Challa says as he leans towards Issa, who was not ready, but became completely ready to try him on.  They embrace slowly.  His lips plush against hers, his hands remain at a gentlemanly section of her leg as her heart beats out of her chest.  The associate outing just got a little personal.

Part 5

RagTag

@hbicprettyprincess

@kimianostalgia

@afraiddreamingandloving

@chaneajoyyy

@myfavemarvelfanfics

@nys30

@blkintrovert

@allhailnjadaka

@cutewylie 

Other Works

King Kil’mawalls  

T’akia

Some Weeks Are Better Than Others

Commencement Day

Song of Stevens

The Coffee Prince

N’Jadaka’s Helpful Hands

If I Could Do It All Again

#SundaySweat

Signs of Rain

World’s Best Baba

[austinshairbrush]

could you write something where you take nick to one of your family cookouts to meet your family for the first time

A/N: AHHHH!!! One for my Lil WhiteBoy!! I hope it’s ok I put a lil southern twang on it.  And for my Zion requesters I see you I will post them either really late or tomorrow morning cause I wanna get them perfect  

“Y/N IS HERE!!! And she brought some white boy?!”your cousin yelled your announcement to the whole family.

 And yes you brought some white boy: Nick Mara. You guys have been dating for almost a year, and he hasn’t met your family. You met him in Jersey, and you left knowing how to cook his Italian favorites. It’s not like you were ashamed, it’s just no boy was good enough for your family. But they would love Nick, because you loved him.

“Ok baby, are you ready?”you asked for the ninth time that day. ““Yes boo I’m ready! Let’s go inside?”he pulled your arm to the door. ““Wait! Before we go in so you remember the rules?” ““Yes baby: watch out for Auntie Angie, cause she loves men who are in relationships, Uncle Gerald will talk me to death if he’s off the henny, and your cousin is upset with white people callin the police on black people, so she’ll call the police on me if I look at her for too long. Are you ready”Nick joked. “Ooooh!! I’m so proud of my baby!”you squealed. ““You’re ready. Let’s go.” You guys walked into the house. ““Hey everyone!!”you yelled earning a few ““hey y/n! 

““My baby! She home!” Your mother wasn’t the first to hug you. ““Oh my God! Everything but that BOOTY had gotten small! Have you been eating?”your mother twirled you around.

““Aww hush Sharlene! And let me hug my baby girl!!” ““DADDY!!”you yelled. You gave your parents a big hug and answered your aunts and uncles questions. You were so caught up in 20 different conversations, you forgot about Nick. Your cousin Trevante, was the the first to notice.

““Uhh who the hell is this white boy? Baby the white family’s mailbox is 204 not 104!”he yelled. ““This white boy is my boyfriend Tre. Everyone this is Nick!”you introduced your family to the love of your life. ““Hey everyone.” Nick awkwardly stood there. It was quiet for a minute then greetments erupted the room. Everyone rushed over to hug Nick, and welcome him. “How long have you guys been together?” Your mom asked. ““Almost a year ma’am.” Nick proudly answered . ““And you haven’t brought him home? I outta whoop you!”your mom joked. ““Well Nick. Consider yourself home and fix you a plate. Everything is done.”your mom said  leading you two to the kitchen where Auntie Angie was sitting. 

“Is that my favorite niece?!”your aunt squeaked, running over to hug you. ““Hey aunt Angela.”you dry said giving her a church hug. She didn’t seem to notice though, her eyes were on Nick. ““And who might you be?” She showcase her cleavage. ““I’m Nick. Y/N’s boyfriend.” He put his arm around your waist. “I see you Y/N! Say Nick are you Italian?”your aunt asked. ““Yea how did you know?” ““I know my men.”she purred. “Oooooh! Y/N got her a spicy white!”your cousin Trevante interrupted. ““Angela sit yo drunk ass down and let them eat!” Tre was the only one to be rude to your aunt or any elders. He didn’t care if you were old or young; if you were a wack bitch he was gonna he disrespect you. ““Now come on y’all come fix you a plate!” The first thing Nick noticed was the Mac and cheese. “Y/N, what’s this?” ““Oh that’s Mac and cheese.” You answered. ““Are you sure? This doesn’t look like macaroni.” ““That’s cause it doesn’t come out if a box.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After you guys ate you went outside to the porch where there was music playing. You were comfortably sitting in Nick’s lap listening to the crickets when you heard the intro to “Back that Azz Up” you quickly jumped up with you other cousins and started throwing that ass in a circle. Nick just stared at you. You were wearing that yellow off the shoulder sundress that made it easier for him to slip his hand through. And the way that ass was moving! If he wasn’t in front of your family specifically your father, he would’ve taken you by the hips and-

““Whew! Haven’t heard that in a while! Daddy can you get me a bottle of water please?”you asked out of breathe. All of a sudden your father and Nick’s ass stood up at the same time. There was a stare off between the two to see who would move. The whole backyard was quiet to see if nick would be bold enough to move. Nick puffed out his chest and went to the cooler to get you your bottle of water. He didn’t break contact from you father the whole time. ““Here you go baby.” Nick kissed your cheek just to say “Yea I be blowin your daughters back out. Every. Night” “Oooh!! Y/N be gettin that lil pepperoni stick!” Your cousin tried to high five you. 

“Shit” is all you said. 

A/N: Comment and remember request are open!!

[noexit-ff]

53.

It’s been a while since I have actually got to watch Paw Patrol but I swear these are repeats, Junior is actually quiet and sitting up on the bed, I personally think I am more interested in the show now “aye, you see that. Ryder is a little bitch” I said looking behind me, seeing Junior with my phone in his hands “the hell you get that from?” I swear he didn’t have that, Junior just stared at me and started chewing down on my phone “get off that, eww you nasty ass” reaching over, grabbing the phone from him but he wouldn’t let me take it “little nigga no! Let go” Junior got a good ass grip on him “I said no Junior! You are Junior when you are naughty” yanking it out of his grip, the saliva on my phone. Junior fell backwards onto the pillows and went into a full fit of tears “you took my phone and you crying” Robyn the saviour rushed into the bedroom “what did you do to him?” I gasped in shock “me?” I am offended “I told you he is teething and is not well Chris” wiping my phone against the bed covers “he stole my phone and started putting saliva all over it” Robyn picked Junior up from the bed “I know, daddy is mean. Chris you placed it in his reach so it is your fault” Robyn sat on the bed, watching my son being a mini me “he is crying for boob, look at him. He is face planting in those but when I do it you’re like oh no, that hurts” Robyn glared at me like I needed to grow up “Chris, your head is huge and leave him alone, look at him. He has cried tears” Maurice stared at me all sad, he is dramatic. Robyn moved his hand “look at this, his front teeth are coming through” Robyn opened his mouth “you can just see it but leave him alone, he needs loving” Robyn wrapped her arms around Maurice.

Pulling Maurice’ hoodie down a little “you friends with me now, you ain’t crying now are you?” he seems to be over it, Robyn placed his pacifier in his mouth “you both look so cute, matching outfits. I want to take pictures, come. Both wearing Black Pyramid is too cute and I think red is his colour” walking behind Robyn “you know once people see you both in the matching Black Pyramid hoodie and sweatpants they will want it, we should do the kids line. I am telling you” walking down the steps “you said no work?” Robyn has banned me from doing anything “yes but we don’t need to do much, what ever Junior has got we can bulk make it and sell it” Robyn is right, as soon as people see it they want to copy. Robyn pointed “stand there, the sun is shining just perfectly” the hell does she think this is “just take a picture so we can go” turning Maurice around in my arms so he is facing towards Robyn “Junior, look at me!” Robyn shouted, Maurice did look for a second “awww it’s your sister” Princess is here, crouching down with Maurice “hey girl” touching her head with my free hand, placing Maurice on his feet holding him up. My hands on his waist, he spat his pacifier out as he stared at Princess. She walked over sniffing him, Maurice got ever so excited smiling and I couldn’t help but laugh “she making you happy” until Maurice gripped Princess’ ear “you’re a monster, get off her” placing Maurice on my lap, looking up at Robyn still aiming that camera at us “look baby” I pointed up at Robyn, Princess barked twirling around and then sat next to my leg “these picture have come out better then I thought, god. I am so family proud” Robyn gushed, Maurice is back to chewing on his fingers now.

Robyn really got me out here Christmas tree shopping, this shit is just boring. I done told her that we can just get one, no need to come here but we have to do it. She is going all out, we have to do these stupid things but I guess being parents we have to do everything, go all out for him “I really like this one” Robyn said again, I keep saying no to it “it is too big, think of the house” this is some bullshit I am lying about, the tree will be fine “I am getting two, we are having one outside with fake snow” she is doing the most, Maurice is more happy to be outdoors and looking around “so you want two Christmas trees? Who the hell is decorating this? You?” Robyn pointed at me “you know it will be you, stop being boring. I want them both, I don’t want the fake trees. I want the real thing, I want fake snow too. I want to make out like Santa was for real at our home, you need to make it happen Chris” she really loves Christmas “fine but that shit ain’t going in my car, it’s being delivered. Happy?” She has not moved away from these big ass trees “thank you baby, you know it’s going to be special” now she is being all cute with me.

Kissing the top of Maurice’ head as he tried to yank the menu away from my hands “you are an animal” everything just belongs in his mouth “are we ready to order?” the waiter said to us, placing the menu down “uuuh yes, Maurice no” moving the menu away from him “I’ll have the chicken taco salad” Robyn said, frowning at her in confusion “salad? Is that it, why are you trying to lose weight when I like meat on you?” Robyn gathered the menus “we can speak on that after, order” looking up at the waiter “uuhhh I’ll get the southern fried chicken burger with steak cut fries, cheese sauce on that. I want chicken wings and also nachos and I ain’t even sharing” the waiter smiled “it will be with you both shortly” he took the menus from Robyn “you’re fat” Robyn said just after he left “I’m hungry, not only that I am having to eat because the thought of seeing my parents again is depressing, then Ethan. It’s just wack” Robyn looked down at Maurice, hearing Maurice whining out so I looked down at him “what’s wrong baby?” Robyn said, Maurice grabbed his ear and started pulling at it “hey, don’t be crying now” turning him around to place him over my shoulder “he needs something to chew on, he’s going through it my poor baby” Robyn pushed her seat back to get to his changing bag.

Pulling Maurice pacifier out from his mouth “what are you doing?” Robyn questioned “well since he is tasting new things” placing my little finger in the cheese sauce “you’re the type to give him a lemon and don’t you dare think about doing it” placing my little finger in his mouth and then moved it back, looking down at his reaction as he slowly tasted the sauce in his mouth with a slight confusion on his face “don’t you dare give him anymore” Robyn pointed at me giggling “he is not liking it at all” Maurice glared up at me with a slight hate in his eyes “what?” I laughed “I can’t wait for Junior to talk and walk, he is going to set yo ass straight” Maurice legit hates me now “you want to fight me? We can fight now little nigga” Maurice looked away “your dad won’t do shit baby, I know you missing me. Why are you like this? Honestly” Maurice gripped the edge of the table and tried to push himself up off of my lap “he wants my food” picking up a chicken wing, Maurice let go of the table and then watched me eat “mhmmmm” holding it near him “want some” he moved his face forward but I moved the wing back “hell nah, I don’t share chicken nigga” Robyn rolled her eyes at me.

I personally hate this, I would be happy with just Ethan but my parents have really come back and I don’t know why. Pushing my snapback down further and crossing my arms across my chest, I am bored of hearing my mum “I understand that you are upset Joyce, as a mother you failed to keep him safe at such a young age. He was left to deal with it but this is about Chris” Ethan said “and Chris why are you hiding your face?” resting my head back “because it’s the Joyce show, I am letting her take the limelight. She wasn’t supposed to know, she was blind to it, the bitch I fucked was right under you, well the bitch that fucked me” I snorted laughing “stop it” Robyn said yanking the snapback off of my head “you speaking on it like it was nothing brings you nothing but more pain Chris, stop joking about it” looking over at my dad, he is staring at me like he wants to beat my ass until I say I am ok “but I have accepted it, I know what happened and I accept it. Just my parents won’t, they find me troublesome. I am the same one that feeds them, paying for a guy that left me. Everyday I am feeling great but I don’t think them two are feeling great” Ethan can help them two “I have always paid for myself, I live a humble life” my dad said “so humble that you didn’t want me ruining your vibe, you’re so sick minded Clinton that you rather me just be high off my ass then you having to admit to the fact your son got abused and it was your fault. You didn’t want me, the shit didn’t stop there. I got shipped off to Harlem, not to you but to Harlem, you failed. You wack as fuck, you think this dickhead will pay for your trash. How do you feel that this is all of your fault, I was a child and I was thinking of killing someone that was abusing my mom because nobody helped, when I asked for help do you know who came? Nobody, so you live a humble life and repent your fucking sins” he is driving me crazy, he out here judging me.

I shook my head “and you think I am an angry nigga, look at him” I pointed, Ethan just put his hand up to me “why can’t you speak to Chris and tell him how you feel? Is there a reason why you was never there, it’s good to talk” my dad shook his head “it’s not my fault he can’t control himself, he has issues because that is just him. I reached out to him but he hates me, you know what I feel? I feel like he is a rich guy that just can’t be faithful and wants to live out luxury like all of these rapper boys out there, I always said to you that Rihanna and you are bad for each other, she drives you crazy. You need to just grow up boy, this boy is stupid and I am done. Joyce you created him so you deal with him, I am too ill for this drama that Chris likes” I felt a stab to my heart, my dad got up from the couch “so is that it, you have cut your son from your life? Don’t ever come here and ask for money again or use his name because I will sue you” Robyn said but I am not actually registering what is happening, is my dad disowning me and not caring. Clenching my jaw looking to the door seeing my dad walk out, the same feel of when he walked out that night when my mom got beat, like it was nothing. Looking away from the door and stared at the ground, blowing out air “I guess he doesn’t want to know” I said looking at Ethan but feeling the hurt in my heart.

The room is awfully quiet “I forgive you mom” I choked out but fighting back the tears “I forgive” I paused swallowing back the lump in the my throat “I was going to forgive him but he didn’t want to know, how can he not care” it hurts to hold this back “it’s ok to cry Christopher” feeling Robyn hold my hand “come here Chris” slowly moving my body and laying my head on Robyn’ lap, I feel so numb “it’s ok, you know your answer. You can move on now” I blinked my eyes and a tear fell “I am so sorry Chris, please believe. I am ever so sorry, I didn’t know” my mom got on her knees “I would have protected you, I am so sorry. I was so stuck in wanting a man to look after us. I am sorry” I swallowed hard “you’re ok though, he couldn’t hurt you anymore. If he didn’t leave, I would have killed him for you. I still will now” moving back from Robyn’ lap “I still remember it, I still see it, I still hear it. I saw a motherfucker blow his brains out and people expected me to be normal. I forgive you mom, I do. But I don’t forgive myself because I didn’t do anything, I just grew up and became this. After all these years and I still wanted my dad” shit kills me.

Staring down at Maurice in his crib, it makes me think. What goes on in anyone’s mind when they leave their child, I couldn’t walk out on Maurice. He has got my heart, everything I didn’t get in love he got, he will have me with him. I may be the most annoying dad but I am going to be there, on god I will never let him see the shit I ever saw. He will never be me, Maurice screamed throwing his toy to the side “you ready to sleep now” picking the toy out “you think there is enough room for daddy?” placing the toy on the floor “I am sure I won’t break it” climbing into the crib, hearing Maurice gurgle “if I sleep on my side, then I’m good” laying on my side just behind Maurice “come on, lay down” laying him down, he keeps on giving me weird looks “let’s put your blankie over you, that way you will sleep” placing the blanket just on his cheek, how he likes it “and this” placing his pacifier in his mouth “now you are ready for sleep” resting my head down, Maurice just stared at me “I’m taking too much space?” he looked and reached his hand out touching my tee “I love you” I said as a sob left my lips, I will love him to the moon and back but I didn’t get that and I will learn to accept this, I will accept this .

[lonespektr]

Starting back Vikings again randomly........

blue eyes still hasn't fucked that priest

When's he gonna bang the priest, he doesn't like his new wife 🤷🏾‍♀️

Rollo needs a win/ cmon lady archers

Stop listening to random men, every main character gets bad advice from randos

Very deliberate word choice

Blue eyes is do butthurt his boyfriend is not coming with him priest is literally staying for you, you blockhead

Men are idiots

Tomgirls trying to sit still and look pretty when they clearly want to punch people

They keep using attempted rape for her power ups and they could do literally anything else

Glad the mrs is back

She's worried about jr but it looks like he can fight brother still absolutely in love with the mom cause she's a bad bitch

But he would have cheated too soo 🤷🏾‍♀️

He's big but it doesn't look like he hits hard, he's moving frantically, he doesn't lean into his hits??

The bows are used in short range i feel like it's that accurate??!!

Nobody is hyped the mrs is home and i feel like that was a wasted opportunity

Priest is attracted to bad people

Everybody got a shower

Who ever is subing the sound effects is a fucking poet Every grunt has a adjective

Always gotta upstage your brother just fukkkin relax

He's rejected the sacrament dunt dun dun!!!

Cheese and crackers woman how many boys you churnin out

What's the science? Boys are faster swimmers so short vagina?? I forget

She's gloating

Yea no shit. He don't even like that other future telling bitch

Rollo just stick with old girl u are bad at politics

This is a very sexual prayer priest

You tryina get what by the holy spirit??!! Save that for blue eyes

Thorvard big as fuck

That boy ain't got no right being that big his parents is normal sized

If i wanted to say it in private i wouldn't fucckkin come down to long house

Who's fuckkin army is that , just her homies?? She got warrior homies?

Ah she just wanted to threaten the general community that if anything happen to hey son it's they ass

Yea those'r just her homies

Another sexual assault threat but in an unexpected turn is events his kinsman ain't down with that shit and backed her

Infamous wings pf the vikings

More sexual assault threats

Whoever is writing these subtitles is a fucking legend

Priest new boyfriend is in wooing his old boyfriend's ex wife and he has to be an awkward translator

Wack what a serious waste of ambition

Them two rando little boys already died they really gotta take the one bitch was leadership vibes

She threw away throne thrown for dinner snot nose kids

He play too much, but they are great together

Preist done diddled that brown hair plain and not blue eyes

Vikings does appear to have a strict all rapists must die policy (marital rape excluded- even that's appears to have consequences)

Surprised they let siggs go but i think she landed a better role, shes a bigger actor then all em

I still don't know which god he was supposed to be. Guess i gotta brush up on my norse history

What's rollo gonna go without his political advisor

That guy coulda had a bigger role but this was 6+years ago and he was not as big then so..makes sense

Preist talking shit about women knowin damn well he just left a perfectly boring one to be with sky eyes

Hypocrisy , ungrateful ass volunteer to help the mother of your child

Screw everybody and they mama, leave yo wife month at a time with no backup booty

Why you only slept with yo wife once? 🤨

Seer tied of yo ass

Sky eyes just move to Paris with the preist

They are doing a sharp turn with him that is uncharacteristic, they haven't done a power corruption thing or anything to transition him from opportunist to greed

Also wtf boo /This is your earldom ??? You just gon stand there?

Still holding with the rapist get stitches law

Burning cross bit heavy handed

Bjorn tell your wack ass absentee father to back your mom

Yea we have been here before, cause your dad keeps fucckin up, you forget last time you left with her cause you knew he was wrong

Blue eyes has become a kind of apathetic shell without preist and wifee no1

Um wtf was that with the 👀

Just fuck already

Can the women have a story not around babies

Where rollo headed?

This is evidence of a turning point we should have gotten a half step before this

Except she was taking care of the one kid you ignore and you know damn well that priss don't do no work and her servants watch her kids anyway

Lol whut person or persons unknown, but you have evidence?

King got plans on plans on plans

Do they just not know what to do with the preist anymore??

Hey least he said it

That was the least intimate interaction he's had with anyone

Disrespect on disrespect

I think they are going to do something stupid with her 🙄 looking forward to that

Woah full stop yikes 😬

Another unforced error. I knew they were gon do some dumb shit with her, no he actin stupid too

This really there seasons about an unrequited love story

It gets boring when the main character is white male tyrannical and off his rocker - when he's not a zealot

Mentally ill opportunist are not very complelling

I'm annoyed blondie is really confessing to a man who has been treating her like shit for the past decade because a first good decade

Unforced errors and making her stupid is something shows love to do with women

But they gave her so much pride it doesn't make sense

I thought maybe they all knew, but it's just bjorn

Blue eyes was hoping for a confession

Why do you tear me away from myself

Trojan horse is the only thing that ever made sense with impregnable walls even with that hint he still couldn't figure it out, he had to almost die

Rollo is out here now? Why doing what?

I mean tbh is a really good idea to get away from your brother

Oh so the King isn't a complete idiot, just a coward

Another betray your brother situation 🙄

Just let rollo needs live

All our protagonists are isolated

He still didn't get that confession

Oh he just said it

What was the point of that Christian coming to visit?

Lit of obsessive unhealthy male relationships

Floki/Ragnar

Althestan/Ragnar

Ragnar/ rollo

How would rollo even convince the remaining vikings to go against their own

Now we must be subjected to this embarrassment

Co Earls, this guy is a not confused about his endgame

He should have just married her when she asked

There is one asian

If this the season where the non whites enter? They should have done that in Paris

He's an absentee father but he's annoyed his kids are stupid

Floki bb hella cute

It's odd the show has isolated everyone

He's such as gaslighter

The only stable relationship is the ones between the mentally unstable people

The two best pairings were both uneccesairly antagonistic towards each other

What's rollo doing

Le sigh she's smiling because she thinks he backed her , finally someone did she deserves to be supported

But he only backs himself

Time inside learning could be useful for him

Even rollo is not this stupid soooo 🤷🏾‍♀️

Blue eyes mad that his wife doesn't give a shit about him, knowing damn well he don't give a shit about her

Rollo 👏🏾 isn't 👏🏾 stupid👏🏾

He also wouldn't ally himself with strangers 🤷🏾‍♀️ it's a repeat pattern of making the wrong allies but this don't make sense

Hopefully bjorn gets more interesting

Or another woman character not attached to a damn man comes in

1 poc is already gettin eyeballed by ol blue eyes

What old lady would be concerned with getting revenge on is wessex king who raised her new settlement to the ground

There's that projection again blue eyes

The rollo situation is getting close to puppy punching

He looses his accent a lot

Blue eyes has odd codependencies

Man has no loyalists but strong affections that look like loyalty from afar

Why are they all obsessed with this fucking guy

Predatory men who pretend to be small and unassuming to trick women

She choked those words out, I wonder how many takes they made her do before they went with that one

This descent into madness isn't nearly as entertaining as they think

That's the first time he's called her by her first name

Curious move bjorn /curious situation they pulled moms into

They make women look stupid by having them smiling the whole time while men who are being equally deceived look suspiciously but they are tricked just the same

Once again he just identifies foreigners as roadmaps to conquer new lands

Gaslighter all these men are gaslighters

All these braids and this is the first time i've seen one of the man brushing they hair

It's going to be four full seasons of wounded mentally ill drug addicted blue eyes??

there it is, that was his dream, not the crazed ambitions of winning for winnings sake

Opportunistic and talented or rather lucky is different than tyrannical and that's what they are playing him as with no foundation

I know she tired of these dirty whites raggety ass wash rags she want a real bath with soap

Random edge play over the top hair cutting symbolism

That bb old enough too...ok

The girls were ready. And he even ain't mad because she told him straight up she was going to kill him

She doesn't want to remarry, she's better boss ass bitch but it's fucked up she can't just have a decent man partner and equal but these men are trifling they may as well get her a girlfriend

Is the seer dead?

It's 13 right?

Heavy handed women freedom theme happening

[paul-patts-blog]

all for my boyfriends (why am i not dating any of your women?)

no women for u. 

BERLIOZ 

☾ - sleep headcanon-- berlioz rarely  sleeps in the nude. even after sex, he gets cold and has to grab a shirt and boxers. many times he has managed to sweet talk simba into doing it so he can stay curled in the covers. 

★ - sad headcanon- ugh his entire demeanor?? there r just so many 

☆ - happy headcanon- ber has learned a lot of life skills the past two years, like laundry, grocery shopping, vacuuming-- even cooking! tbh he has grown to really like coming over to help nounou prepare dinner since he does that (or did that) with simba. 

☠ - angry/violent headcanon- ber’s anger is cold and sharp. he is not a physical guy but knows how to say like the perfect brutal thing. dem bonfamilles yo. 

✿ - Sex headcanon- ber is nasty. UHHHH. ber never went down on a girl and probably never will lolololol 

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon- as a young broody teen, ber literally made a KEEP OUT sign that he put on his doorknob at all times. it was mostly for marie tbh who terrorized him and his stuff

♡ - romantic headcanon- ber literally can’t look at a rose without thinking of simba and also simba’s aunt who has a rose farm. for the rest of his life, that’s what he’ll think about. 

♥ - family headcanon- hector was the person who bought berlioz his first david bowie album and on the day bowie died-- ber actually texted his dad and they had a CALL about it. it’s one of the only things they have in common. 

☮ - friendship headcanon- ber is literally the best friend u can have ok if u get him on ur side he’s one of those who will ride or die, offer to bury the body, etc. 

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon- he really likes MAPS. whenever he goes to a new city he picks up the city map and keeps it. his desk is like fuuuull of maps. i’m sure lou has gotten him like old, antique maps before that he has in frames. 

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon- likes really long plane rides, longer the better, loves airplane food, loves the whole nine yards /  dislikes any gossip or reality tv show it like literally makes him SO mad like he can’t watch dance moms or keeping up with the kardashians he gets /upset/ bc ppl are so /mean/ and /stupid/ and he hates it 

▼ - childhood headcanon- would wake up early to watch pokemon his one exception to the sleep until noon rule. 

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon- ber will be that old man busting out beautiful piano pieces in random places bc he will have lost all his fucks by then

♒ - cooking/food headcanon- wow can my above one with nounou count-- uhhh he is in charge of cutting veggies. 

☼ - appearance headcanon- ber is the type of boy to never take off his concert wristbands. sometimes he picks at them and they get ripped up and nasty and eventually they fall off. 

ൠ - random headcanon- i am bad at these uuuuuh ber once sang the pina colada song to simba when he was drunk outta his brain and simba probably captured a good 80 percent on video. 

◉ - Any other question of your choosing- idk im uncreative

HADES

☾ - sleep headcanon- hades has discovered that listening ot books on tape helps him get to sleep! 

★ - sad headcanon- uh that his mum didn’t leave a goodbye note 

☆ - happy headcanon- uhhh once opal saved up her money and took hades and persephone out to the movies and then they had ice cream!!! and that was the closet thing to a holiday that hades had as a child oh this god sad again

☠ - angry/violent headcanon- he used his ghost powers on his grandfather to like smash his grandfather’s head into the kitchen counter after he said something Truly Rude and knocked him out and seph was scared and crying and he had to call the ambulance and tbh he was very scared and felt guilty these r all sadder than my sad headcanon

✿ - Sex headcanon- goes down on belle at every opportunity bc he has a control kink (also does fantasize about her going down on him boy just likes oral sex)

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon- hades room is immaculate. he makes his bed every single day and washes his sheets once a week. or he did now he lives in hell and its SO DUSTY and he does all the dusting, 

♡ - romantic headcanon- uh lmao fuck uh. hades version of romance is having belle practice the debate questions with him. 

♥ - family headcanon- opal taught both her kids to read and do arithmetic before their peers and that’s why the acherons r smart alecks 

☮ - friendship headcanon- hades now plays words with friends with belle AND lou. wow. so popular. 

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon- hades organizes the cereals in the pantry by alphabetical order. and the spices. and soups. basically anything that can be organized he likes having systems ok. 

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon- blackjack and really gambling in general tbh he’s real good at it / dislikes- fried food 

▼ - childhood headcanon- walked to school no matter the weather bc people on the bus would torment seph and though he woulda FOUGHT THEM OFF seph just wanted to avoid it so, he walked her to school

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon- hades is honestly going to have trouble giving up immortality. he’s vain and he doesn’t want to grow old tbh. and bc he’s the ambassador he almost doesnt /have/ to ... 

♒ - cooking/food headcanon- hades loves chocolate milk its a sinful indulgence that he probably hid from belle for a long time and tbh he still denies himself chocolate milk a lot like challenges himself to go without chocolate milk for 90 days stupid shit like that everything’s a competition BUT HE LOVES CHOCOLATE MILK SO MUCH 

☼ - appearance headcanon- always immaculate. always. 

ൠ - random headcanon- hades sometimes refolds belle’s clothes that she folds bc its not good enough, sorry hon, 

◉ - Any other question of your choosing-don’t come at me

PAUL 

☾ - sleep headcanon- paul’s sleep schedule has long been outta wack, so he usually can only sleep three or four hours before his body gets himself up. normally he goes and gets a glass of water or if it’s a more restless night, he’ll have to read himself back to sleep. 

★ - sad headcanon- paul was the one who told his mother that lucas died 

☆ - happy headcanon- when the babies were born paul like basically spent the entire day taking pictures of themmm with perdy and he was so so happy and he still has every single picture no matter how terrible the shots 

☠ - angry/violent headcanon- paul has a tiny bit of a violent streak in him that he can mostly control, but he does get into fights with other blokes and has thrown stuff when he gets mad. 

✿ - Sex headcanon- the first time paul had sex his first words were “holy shit” quickly followed by “sorry” quickly followed by him coming. it was not the most impressive first time.

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon- paul and lucas shared a room and they were around the same size and had lots of the same tastes so they shared everything else too, so often that when lucas died, paul couldn’t remember if certain shirts were his, which albums were his, etc. 

♡ - romantic headcanon- paul is the type to write random notes and leave them around the house. he did this for perdy when she was pregnant and some of them had clues that led to OTHERs because he’s extra we know he’s extra 

♥ - family headcanon- the patts family is rarely all in one place, but they always congregate for one thing: football in the spot. unless paul’s mom is having a bad time, even she’ll come down. 

☮ - friendship headcanon- though roger is certainly his best friend, harry is his oldest friend-- knowing him since they were both wee lads in primary school around 6 or 7 years old. they tried out for the football team together. 

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon- paul actually knows how to brew his own beer! he learned his from johnny, who is a beer connoisseur and like makes his own types and swears he’s gonna get rich of them (probably never will) but Paul used to help Johnny with the whole process and they’d organize like ‘tasting’ parties which-- was just a bunch of men getting very drunk and playing card games tbh.  

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon- shopping for new clothes, he always feels so fancy and rich / grocery shopping nothing could be more boring and he usually impulse buys like more beer and sweets than he needs lol 

▼ - childhood headcanon- paul broke his arm when he was 8 after falling out of a tree and into the shrubbery. he was trying to hide from simon who had just got a new paintball gun and wanted to use paul as his target practice !!! 

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon- paul is gonna be the old guy who thinks he’s “cool” and “hip” and will like do the line dances and idk probably pick up a mid-life crisis hobby like SKIING thats dangerous but makes him feel “alive.”

♒ - cooking/food headcanon- his mother makes the most amazing cinnamon hot cocoa. whenever he’s sad, it’s what he craves, to him, sadness tastes and smells like cinnamon. 

☼ - appearance headcanon- paul loves getting ready for events. he and perdy would spend an equal amount deciding on outfits and doing their hair and shit he just-- feels so goddamn fancy. 

ൠ - random headcanon- paul lets edith read all his stories. she is the only one. she still gets emailed drafts. this is because edith hates reading, so if edith likes something, he knows that it’s good.

◉ - Any other question of your choosing