#ok I only went over paragon because that’s the Only one where feelings actually get developed.

[cursezoroark]

hi!! i love your ocs and your oc thoughts. how do you imagine rens feelings for mona developing through canon + post canon ? :0

Ough. First of all thank u,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I love them too it makes me v happy that u like them as well,,,,,,I’m a bit shocked about that actually,,,, and second of all,,,, oh god how do i explain this.

In the Canon Version of Mona’s Paragon Run (in my head). Ren does not return Mona’s feelings. At least from a romantic perspective. And not yet. Which is rlly funny considering what I’ve drawn so far. But as to why- meta reason- I can’t think of a timeskip design for Ren for Shit. I’m so sorry. I can’t think of Anything. I tried so many times because I Do have a timeskip Mona design after the main events but. nope. My brain draws several blanks.

for a more lore explanation as to Why I do have one. In canon, Ren and Mona just barely got the engines started on their friendship again, especially after he joined Team Xen. Mona was incredibly and surprisingly understanding to his circumstances as to Why he stayed with them, which Ren felt (and still feels) partially guilty for. I think from the beginning they had some hunch of what was going on because it really didn’t make sense to them for him to join after they both saw what happened to Melia (or they assumed) in the first place. Didn’t stop the sting of betrayal but it softened the impact.

As to canon feelings! I rlly like in the beginning there was this weird trail of envy of Ren to Mona’s strength, but it’s ironic since he’s the one who set Mona on the path to pursue it in the first place. There’s this admiring point from him that he can’t help feel as he’s heard of Mona’s adventures, and seen how they keep fighting. Of course, he doesn’t totally get over that envy, but processes it healthily when they reconcile as their relationship becomes more like rivals. They’re friends more than anything really. He’s mainly glad and grateful to have Mona still be his friend after all of the Xen stuff, and is rather determined to include them in his protection as he builds up his strength. And they both have a competitive streak so it’s fun to battle someone who wants an upper hand on you. If I had to say how he sees Mona from his presumed perspective,,,, A quiet person who’s way too kind for their strength.

As for post canon, well. This is where things slightly muddy for me because I have a lot of trouble picturing post canon Ren. This is mainly due to the fact I can Sense another character change incoming (with his mom kidnapped after all + Mosely, who the protag character presumably cares about as well) (Mona cares for Mosely immensely. Little sister). So I’m not sure how that might rock the boat. I await eagerly though. If Ren dies at some point in paragon I will laugh just a bit. Not because I hate him more of just the story beat itself. Sorry Mona.

Additionally, He Doesn’t Develop Romantic Feelings until they’re both in their 20s. Before this, I made it clear that Mona would confess at some point post-canon, get rejected, and they would both still have a really strong friendship. This was mainly for Mona’s growth, because I have a ton of feelings on them as a character. Now, I’m a person on the arospec, so romantic feelings are super. Super super super hard for me to describe in general, It feels disingenuous to say it happened like it would in romance medias or smth like that. I think it just kind of occurred to him at one point that he really liked seeing them be happy. That’s what I consider the peak of romanticism at least, to me. And saw them from a more romantically angled perspective. Which is quite awkward considering what happened in the past. But he still thinks they’re amazing for brunting through everything that’s happened in canon and continues to happen post-canon. Mona often leaves the region because they’re summoned by Anabel and Looker, so the days they began to spend hanging out together began to dwindle real fast. From days to weeks to months to at one point, a year. So contact often dwindles as everyone gets busy with their adult life and jobs. In post canon, Mona helps out even more, being one of the many to taste test his cooking as he works to become a Chef. I think he finds them really endearing, I made it especially so since Mona’s softened a bit on some edges after canon happened. (Not totally. I have thoughts on that.) So they smile a ton more than before, are more at ease with their friends, and is more free to explore the things they want to explore. And I think that really Gets to Ren because he’s never seen them be that relaxed, at least compared to before. It gets to a point where it kind of resparks his guilt for contributing to the harm that made them stiffen in the first place. So that’s a conflicting factor. But he’s grown to care a bunch for Mona, like many of their friends. I think the care is just from a different angle than others, but just as strong. If I were to be plain, he finds them cute.

So TLDR; no romantic feelings, just focuses more on Mona’s strength to carry out everything that’s going on. A strong friendship and rivalry overall. Post-canon. Marvels at how they’ve changed from the beginning, and is greatly endeared to how they’ve become more… I’m not going to say soft but more relaxed. romantic feelings start way later in their 20s.

[gayndepressed666]

Realm of the Elderlings characters as quotes from The Discord

quotes under the break as it is far too long.

((quotes by queer and autistic people))

wintrow:

"Oh kid, that'll get you struck down. Changing religions like sex partners."

ronica gaslight girlbossing and gatekeeping serilla out of bingtown:

"I'm high energy btw, but like if you gave someone with depression a coffee except I don't have depression or a coffee"

kennit:

"I feel like people should be able to kill their sons because God did it and nobody complained"

jek:

"You rocked her, you papered her and you scissored herrrr"

the pale woman:

"you better sleep with one eye open. I'll come in here and steal Ur bones... *slurp*"

kyle:

"the feels when you wanna shit on a child"

nighteyes learning about sex:

"And so thats why humans grew boobs :) "

tintaglia:

“It’s otay to eat babies 🥹”

wintrow:

"I just called you a god why are you upset??"

wintrow:

"Ohhh, you scared the Jesus outta me.... I guess I'm not Christian anymore 🤟 😔"

the fool:

"maybe I'd be one of those famous people like robin williams where I'd be really happy on the outside then kill myself"

fitz at the fool in the first trilogy:

"who would heckle me?? who would look at me and think, 'They need to be beat down *more*'"

fitz and the fool:

fitz: your going to kill me one day I know it.

the fool: it’s ok coz I will be there with you when it happens!😊

regal:

“Sometimes I wonder if I’m evil, but then I remember that I’m cute so it doesn’t matter.”

starling to fitz:

"if you got slapped across the face would you get hard?"

the general public about fitz after the mountain kingdom in book one:

"I know him. He's crazy. He has autism or epilepsy."

jinna:

"bruhhhh imma sympathy fuck you right now"

etta:

"I'm telling ya! I don't support fascism, but if you take a few of the bastards out into the street and shoot them publicly, the rest'll listen!"

tatts when thymara wouldnt fuck him:

"Yk Asexuals are actually sexist because they don't like sex"

fitz:

"I may sound like I'm being sarcastic, but I'm just being autistic"

paragon:

"You look away for one second and I steal your nipples"

althea about viv:

"this bitch did in fact make me gay. Titties out, ready for me to suckle."

the fool becoming lord golden:

"guys I hope to be a gay man :)"

amber to fitz in the last trilogy:

"Only gay people like boobs"

kennit:

"I'm not trying to hurt people I am trying to shoot them >:("

fitz:

"Do you think i have Artistic potential, or just autistic potential"

fitz off his face after downing blackberry brandy:

"On a sober not, idk why the table and my chair are wet because I peed in the toilet"

malta:

"I’m not innocent I just find men extremely revolting"

jek:

"I would get up to such mischief if I had a penis"

the fool about regal:

"I'm anti gun... but if I saw him 😡"

fitz at the fool and vice versa:

"I look at it and think who's gay and depressed? and then I remember it's you"

fitz at the fool in the first book of the last trilogy:

*whispers* "I very narrowly avoided shooting you in the back of the head"

fitz:

"Excuse me i just went into the astral realm for a sec"

fitz to the fool in golden fool:

"I don't know what he's mad about, but it's because he's gay"

fitz swapping bodies with verity:

"It must be scary being a guy friend of a lesbian couple. Never know when they're gonna ask you for your sperm"

the fool:

“I’m never going to lose my virginity because I don’t lose 😎”

etta:

"Why is ppl having blood on them so hot?"

ronica around malta:

"Guess what! I hate children"

the fool at fitz:

"*looking him dead in the eyes* it's fascinating watching dumb people"

nighteyes:

"She's in your bed, I'm in your boyfriend"

bee:

"I love the feeling of being evil, b-but in a good way"

jek thirsting over brashen:

"it's a shame I'm too sexy to be embarrassed"

fitz to molly after she fucks his dad:

"What a wife you are, ya skank"

verity on elfbark:

"See, I become all knowing when I get high"

bee:

"is it bad to put burning down a church on my bucket list? Idk I just think it'd be fun."

[little-forget-me-not]

Speaking of ocs, I wanted to mention it was interesting that in the noday reunion fight/talk, Day was so unlike his usual self, very paranoid and distrustful, seemed a bit withdrawn even. Goes to show how much stress he's under lol

YEAH I was kinda weirded out by that. But I think it made sense. I'm glad you picked up on the withdrawn part actually! I imagine him being a lot more subdued and he's still outwardly cheery and friendly but…anyone who knows him would see that his smile never reached his eyes and his friendliness was hollow (like a default setting). Inside he's hurting, angry, confused, guilty and deeply disillusioned because his mom had always been like a paragon of "goodness" to him. He saw her like an angel. To have that…ripped away in an instant really shook his world. I mean he even left her to go on this trip-thing. Despite her pleading for him not to leave. And he hasn't really kept in contact with her. It's all very unlike Day. Didn't help that he had no one to talk to about this so it kinda festered in him, and the more he introverted, the more those feelings of distrust and wariness grew. ..and then his ex showed up. Which was kinda like the last straw (over the first last straw)

I was thinking about the power of names. It's such a powerful acknowlegement of a person. And what they choose to identify themself as…is so..telling somehow. I was just thinking about how Day…we always call him Day. But his actual name is "Daymond" (like if you really think about it, it's so weird xD) and he does respond to it but usually in official/formal settings. But even then he doesn't fully relate to it. He prefers Day because it's more casual, it's lighter, friendlier and happier. Also cuz that's what Aeriel called him by, mostly.

Made me wonder about an AU where he doesn't choose that. Like what would've happened to him to make him feel so differently enough he never thinks about keeping that nickname? Interesting stuff. Do you have any thoughts on stuff like this? If he didn't have his mom growing up and was not allowed to explore his sensitive, social and carefree side. Like in an AU where his developmental years pushed to be more closed off, serious, distrustful and cynical..he would probably just go by Daymond.. Granted I am also thinking of like a polar opposite of his upbringing which was full of nurture so it's a little extreme. But I could see that. A Day that learns that emotions are shameful. He'd definitely rely a lot more on his Ti I think. Kinda resentful and wounded with fake smiles and platitudes..but not knowing who he is and not liking it. His relationships would he hollow because he can't really trust or be vulnerable. Ok this went beyond a name and I just came up with an AU him lol

Tomodachi Life him was more faded. He was also trans in that one which gave him depression because he didn't know how and why he was feeling the way he was and had no one he could turn to or trust… Also little socialisation and was isolated. Which apparently turns him into smth like a ghost since he spends too much time in his head.

Nolan kind of the same tho….. like his base is pretty the same…he just either gets more angry/violent vs calmer/chill…the duality of nolan is pretty simple lmfao.

Nolan's core personality is just quite steady. Even when he has growth and maturity he doesn't change that much. Less affected by external influence vs Day.

It's basically Fi vs Fe. Nolan by nature has a more defined sense of self. Even with the best nurture, Day took a long time to understand who he was separate from everyone too…only mid-20s.

[we-return-in-waves]

10, 15, 20, 29 for ao3 wrapped o.o

sdfhfdkgh i wish i knew who you were my beloved anon <3

answers below the cut xoxo

10. What work was the quickest to write?

spoken words by a landslide. i've talked about this before, but that fic, start to finish, maybe took me 5 - 6 hours at most. i had exactly one scene marinating in my head with no contect for a month ("Lee comes to Sunagakure, and Gaara comes to him in the dead of night." and associated like... four lines) and i was like hey uh brain what do with this? then one sunday i brained the summary text, took a nap, woke back up, and wrote the entire fic in one go. what you see on the archive is essentially it, i sat on it for two days looking for edits and just didn't feel like it needed any. one and done babey!

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

god there's SO MANY HELP. but with exclusively wips i've actually done work for, here's the list: from these bones, untethered, my insidious au, sing a song of sleeptide, a fluffy 5+1 things about sleeping together, The Grapes of Debauchery, another explicit comedy fic about drunken shenanigans, if it's the last night of your life, a one-night-stand-has-results fic, and my untitled enemies to lovers longfic based on the video game ghost of tsushima.

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

skfhdkgh We Don't Talk About Fight Club for sheer volume of editing, i think. there was a point where it's the only wip i looked at, every single day, for months. i probably put more work into that fic than i did my master's thesis. i've probably read it over a hundred times and that's not an exaggeration, i can probably recite parts of it. i still reread it occasionally, i'm very proud it (plus like. art. pls, how can u not just keep looking???)

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

how dare u ask me to Pick One. i cannot do this, instead u are getting several of my faves. rekt

from spoken words:

Lee is brave. But Lee is not fearless.

no ok so like there's a LOT of lines in spoken words that i think smash it out of the ballpark and deserve line-of-the-year status, but this one is special because it beautifully encapsulates lee's entire character in under 10 words. the brevity! i will never be so concise ever again

from sailing stones

“You – you do not find me unattractive, like this?” Lee whispered. I have never once thought you anything but beautiful, Gaara thought to himself. For a moment, they remained, suspended in time, the world blurring to nothing around them. Gaara brushed his lips over Lee’s, once. Twice. Chakra crackled, electric in the space between them. “Gaara…?” And Lee, the paragon of formality, breathed his name with no honorific, so low Gaara wondered if he’d imagined it on an exhale, and the moment was so intimate it bordered on painful, tipping them both over a precipice across which there would never be any return.

ok so this was one of those bits where i wrote that last line, looked at it, announced out loud, "fuck yeah, i wrote that," then proceeded to treat myself to oreos. i fully stand by this today. sailing stones my first child, i love u dearly and will edit u soon, but this piece won't be touched. i feel like it captures the feeling of the whole fic exactly how i wanted it to.

from We Don't Talk About Fight Club (length warning but it's all short lines)

“So… you did fuck,” Naruto said gleefully. “Who topped?” “Naruto!” Sakura stage-whispered, appalled. “What? I always thought Bushy Brow kinda had like, bottom energy, ya know?” Sai’s face went suddenly curious, and he pulled out a notebook from seemingly nowhere in an action that reminded Kankurō creepily of Lee. He asked, weirdly polite, “Is this ‘bottom energy’ a mutually recognisable feeling between those with a proclivity towards that position? Because Sasuke is always the penetrating partner when you two fuck, Naruto.” Hot damn. The table went eerily silent again. Naruto inhaled his water and came up sputtering. “That… how the fuck do you—no. No. We’re talking about Gaara and Bushy Brow right now! Anyway, Gaara?” “That…” Gaara said sedately, returning to his lunch, his sand silent, all his composure returned, “is not your business.” Kankurō filed away that tidbit of information to snicker at later, returning to focus on his brother. Gaara wasn’t tall enough to bone someone on a kitchen table comfortably, and now that he thought about it, that crater on Lee’s kitchen table looked a lot like a handprint… “Please at least tell me you were responsible and used protection,” Temari asked, one hand rubbing her temple like she was in pain. … Gaara had been walking slow all day, had barely moved in his seat, and he’d definitely winced at least once this morning… The answering silence told everyone far, far too much. …oh man… “Gaara!” Temari scolded. …his little brother… “I mean, does it matter? Sai confirmed they both have dicks, they probably can’t knock each other up,” Naruto said, still laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes now. …Gaara of the Desert… “You can still. Get. Herpes!” Sakura shrieked. …the Kazekage of Sunagakure… Naruto looked at her, skeptical. “If Bushy Brow has herpes, I’ll eat Gaara’s Kage hat. You think he’s actually piped anyone before?” …had let a foreign ninja… Temari choked on her tea. …had let fucking Rock Lee… “Oh my gods, Naruto, I’m making you sit through Sex Ed again, did you learn nothing!?” …green jumpsuit enthusiast Rock Lee… “Hey, at least the lube we gave him for his last birthday would have come in handy!” Naruto chortled, completely ignoring his teammate. …bowlcut Rock Lee… Sakura sighed. “I’m sorry to ask this,” she said to Gaara, “but as a medic… please tell me whatever lubricant you used was sealed in a white tube with a yellow label? If it was, that’s the one we got him , and it wouldn’t be expired, since that was only a few months ago.” …who wore orange fucking legwarmers... Gaara nodded to her. She nodded back, as pink as her hair. …rail him over a kitchen table. That was so fucking funny he was going to shit—

ok so this passage i think is the absolute most Chaotic Stupid piece in the whole megadong anime crackfic extravaganza and that's exactly the energy i wanted to convey. i loved writing from kankuro's pov because i basically use him to write from My POV so it's just dumbass hours all day, plus naruto is just an absolute meme in this fic and i love it. bonus points to me for including 1(one) brooklyn99 reference. i will never be this funny again i wasted all my life savings of comedy on this one fkcmdngnldgjd fic

and finally, from in the space between:

Pressed between their bodies in Gaara’s coat pocket, a pale jade ring, inlaid with a delicate, winding ribbon of Gaara’s chakra-infused sand, burns like a star.

not only does this line out me as have fiance fever because i was thinking about the ring im shopping around for when i wrote it, but also SOMFT, and i think it's the most stunning ending line i've written for it's simplicity, though in context it answers multiple questions and completely changes what the scene means when you read it again. and i will use it to end my really long answers! hope u enjoyed thank u for enabling me xoxo

ask me things, ao3 wrapped style

[iwannaban0nym0us]

so um apparently i am part of the face of my schools queer community now

(gonna ramble about this and some related things below the cut, ok actually it might not all be related to that but it does start with that)

So I got invited to join the student leadership team for my school's Queer (and Questioning) Student Allience aka QSU which is really awesome (but also I do so much other stuff so hopefully this doesn't take too much of my time) and we had our first meeting at lunch today in which I found out that I'm the only junior (the other 5 people are seniors) on the team so unless we recruit more people I will be the only returning leadership member next year

Before I move on, I'm kinda excited to be like the face of queerness at my school but also I just don't feel qualified (despite having been going to the equivalent of qsu since like 5th grade having been out as queer since 8th and out as trans since 9th) idk I think some of this comes from me having gotten really lucky and had a pretty smooth transition but some of it also comes from my asshole ex painting themself as the paragon of queer knowledge and sometimes making comments to me about not understanding things because I was too new to the queer world

Ok, I have more related things to say but I think it's gonna be easier to do this in chronological order because this week has been a time.

Alright, Monday, I had all of my hard classes and I don't think anything specific happened it was just like a long day and then I went home and then I had a late soccer practice and then after that there was a team meeting thing so I didn't go to bed until late. Some things did happen that triggered me to seriously start thinking about a legal name change tho

Now yesterday, my day started w/ a hug from M (my ex-gf)

And then lunch was the qsu meeting

And then after school I talked to M about joining QSU leadership, which some friends say was a bad idea but i just can't be the only junior on leadership because then next year will be a lot and i already do enough, and M is literally the only junior (besides me) who consistently went to QSU last year, and uh they were kinda shocked but also seemed interested and i think they may have been kinda flustered and idk how to read that

And then I had soccer practice and one of my defenders was an asshole

then today, today was a ride

morning stuff happened it was chill

then we had grade level time where we got to pick our tent groups for the trip and it was easy for me but i could clearly see M struggling and it took all of my willpower not to go over and check on them

and then we had affinity group time and I was w/ QSU which was fun and M was also there too and some of the time was fun getting to know new members and stuff and then at one point I checked in on M and they were kinda closed off and clearly unhappy about their tent group and I just kinda made it clear that I was there if they wanted to talk

and then we had lunch and i ate w/ my friends and then they were boring and I went to find another friend who was busy w/ their own drama and so i end up hanging out w/ the theater kids (M and my asshole ex's friend group) and that was interesting, i did get to talk about star trek tho

at this point i was not having a great time

then i was kinda bouncing around and saying i needed to do smth so i wandered around w/ friends a bit and eventually lunch was over and we went to the next activity

and after that there was the spirit assembly and my grade won one of the activities (which i help out w/ !) and we should have won the paper airplane competition but at least we won the balloon one and uh during that one we needed someone to do a handstand so I got M to do it because I knew they could

and then we had some sorta free time and so i ended up wandering around in circles w/ my friends really really needing to do smth but not having anything to do so eventually a couple of us ended up in an empty classroom just kinda chilling oh and during that time i was hella delirious so i gave one of my friends my phone because i didn't trust myself not to text M smth stupid

and then we had to go back for the last activity but we decided to be kinda late and as we were walking in M was walking out and so I started talking to them and ended up following them down to get water and while we were talking they complimented me on doing good in the spirit balloon game thing earlier

when we were talking i also got them to open up a little more about their tent and it turns out they're w/ a friend and my asshole ex (who M has heard plenty about but is apparently still friends w/ because during grade time i literally always see M w/ my asshole ex and my asshole ex's boyfriend) although M was saying they're not too happy about tenting w/ my asshole ex which did kinda reassure my trust in M because like it shows they did actually listen when i told them everything my asshole ex did to me

anyways then we ran into some of their friends and they don't me instead of going back to watch the volleyball games which we technically should have been doing they were gonna go play cards w/ their friends in the library and so i was like 'ok, have fun' and started to head back to the gym because i knew that was the better choice for me and after i was partway down the hallway M called out to me and like invited me to join them and i said thanks but i'm good and they said i could join them if i changed my mind

and once i was almost back to the gym i ran into a friend who had walked up late w/ me and he said he didn't like how loud the gym was and so i mentioned that the theater kids were playing cards in the library and then i went to the gym because a loud space w/ a thing to focus on was perfect for me

our grade lost kinda quickly tho so then i ended up outside of the gym w/ a friend who wouldn't let me to the library or give me my phone back because they didn't want me to do smth stupid and so i just kinda zoned out until school was over

but i was still around for a bit but that friend had to run so after they gave me my phone back i went to the library and found M (+their friends) and my friend from earlier and i watched them play cards for a little while and it was kinda fun

and then i went home and packed for the trip camping tomorrow and then like an hour ago M texted me (and for some reason the 2 times they've texted me since I reestablished contact have been about packing, specifically them procrastinating on it and me encouraging them to get it done which was a thing that happened before we broke up) and so we had a surprisingly long slightly on and off conversation about packing and uh now it's now and i have to be up in 7 hours and should probably get sleep

okok i'm gonna go to bed very soon, but one final thought, i'm kinda shocked that i didn't cry at all today

[forasecondtherewedwon]

Runaway Ride

Fandom: Never Have I Ever Pairing: Devi/Paxton Rating: T Word Count: 4889

Summary: Kamala gets herself into a pickle, Devi needs to go to her, and Paxton has a car. Problem-solving has never been so simple, but that's how it is when your new boyfriend is Paxton Hall-Yoshida. Throw in a little hand-holding on the highway and this family crisis might just be the best date Devi will ever have.

When they finally took a break from dancing—disconnecting hands from hips and shoulders, lips from lips—Devi stepped away in a dreamy headspace. She almost collided with Jonah, but he didn’t tell her to look where she was going, only offered a shrewd, indulgent smile.

Actually, everybody was treating her like that; every eye that caught hers on her way to the table where she’d left her stuff was unjudgmental, admiring, straight up fairy-godmotherly. Devi hadn’t received this much notice since her dad’s death and her subsequent paralysis. And those looks had been pitying, freaked out. Positive attention was new and cool and she wondered, as she grabbed her phone out of her turquoise clutch, whether her socials would show more of the same when she opened them. Would people have snapped stealthy pics of her and Paxton dancing now that she’d been vaulted into the pseudo-celebrity strata of the high school hierarchy? Would the Insta posts be captioned with hashtags of their ship name? Paxi? Daxton? Vishwall-Yoshumar?

Devi never got to check.

Unlocking her phone, she found two missed calls from her mother. Maybe two wouldn’t have seemed like a whole lot to someone else, but Devi knew that, in order for her mom to risk rudeness by stepping away from the company she was hosting at home not once but twice, she’d need to be pretty frantic. Two missed calls from Nalini Vishwakumar were the equivalent of six or seven from any other mother.

Skirting the edges of the gym as she headed away from DJ Humanoid—that nit-witted saboteur of slow dances—Devi was about to call her mom back when her screen changed to an incoming call from Kamala. She pressed her other hand to her ear and answered it.

“Hey. Do you know what’s going on with my mom? She called me twice and, honestly, she knows I’m at the d—”

“Devi, shut up. Sorry,” Kamala sighed. “But I may have kidnapped your history teacher and now I’m panicking a little.”

Devi stopped in her tracks.

“You did what? Why is the sound weird?”

As she was trying to identify the background noise coming from Kamala’s end, her eyes swept over the crowd of her classmates and landed on Fabiola’s. Her friend had been smiling, mid-sway as she held Eve from behind and chatted with Sasha, but it fell off her face like Devi off Dr. Jackson’s roof. Fab disentangled herself from her girlfriend and crossed the room to stand with Devi. She was frowning, silently asking for an explanation for Devi’s distress, but Devi didn’t really have one yet.

“We’re in his car on the highway,” her cousin was saying. “He was a little drunk, so I’m driving.”

Devi had imagined that Kamala was exaggerating, but no, this was really starting to sound like a kidnapping.

“You better be on hands-free right now,” she lectured. Then, because she wasn’t exactly a paragon of road safety herself—barely an hour ago, she’d walked right out in front of Paxton’s jeep—didn’t wait for confirmation. “What the hell happened? Context, Kamala!”

“Well, as soon as I snuck out of the house—”

“But why did you sneak out?!”

“Devi, I can’t talk about that right now!” Devi’s eyebrows shot up at the clear and abnormal hysteria in her cousin’s voice. “I ran out of the house,” Kamala continued, “totally directionless, and the first thing that popped into my head was Manish’s invitation for me to come to karaoke…”

“Ew, what the fuck, don’t call Mr. K that.”

What? Fab mouthed at her, but Devi shook her head.

“That is his name and what he asked me to call him. Anyway,” Kamala said, sounding strained, “I went to your school and met up with him and now I’m driving his car and I think I might have shut my sari in the car door, but I’m scared to pull over and check because if I stop the car, I’m going to have to confront things and I think I’d rather not do that yet.”

“Kamala,” Devi said in a heavy, careful voice. “You have to pull over. I totally get what you’re saying because it sounds like something I might do—minus the part where you kidnapped Mr. K—” Fabiola’s eyes went dramatically wide as she was adjusting her tiara. “—but this isn’t you. You don’t run away from your obligations and elope with my teachers!”

“Manish and I didn’t elope. It isn’t in any way romantic.”

“For sure though? It’s not?” Devi heard another voice in the car ask.

“Mr. K, back off! Kamala’s in the middle of a crisis!” she shouted. “And please be drunk enough to forget that I yelled at you.”

“Devi, what should I do?” Kamala asked, sounding desperate in a sad way now.

“Where are you?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Ok, well, which direction are you heading in?”

“Um, either north or south.”

“You’re a disaster,” Devi muttered.

“What was that?”

“Uh… I said, don’t drive any faster. Try to read the next sign you pass so you can tell me where you are.”

“Alright,” Kamala said.

Devi tilted her phone away from her mouth so her cousin wouldn’t hear her frustrated sigh. She locked eyes with Fabiola.

“Kamala panicked at her engagement dinner and ran off with Mr. K. They’re either headed for Mexico or Canada, but I’ll know more in a minute.”

Fab blinked.

“Wow.”

“I know. It’s a lot. And this is me talking,” Devi emphasized.

“I don’t know if you would do anything this big. Mainly because you don’t have a driver’s license.”

“True.”

“Santa Barbara in twenty-six miles,” Kamala said in her ear.

“Damn, you made good time.”

“The traffic was quite manageable.”

“Try to calm down a little and get off the highway when you can. Don’t go past Santa Barbara. I’m coming to talk you down in person,” Devi said. “Oh, and don’t answer any of my mom’s calls; she’ll just stress you out.”

“That doesn’t seem very responsible. How about I send her a text when I stop to let her know I’m ok?”

Devi rolled her eyes.

“Suit yourself.”

“Thank you, Devi. But how will you get here?”

“Let me worry about that. Text me when you stop so I know exactly where I’m going.”

“I will.”

“’K. I’ll see you in a bit.”

Devi hung up and sighed massively, slumping into the wall and feeling a streamer crumple against her back. She and Fabiola stared at each other.

“What are you gonna do?” Fab asked.

“Be the hero my family needs, but not the one they deserve.”

“Are you misquoting Batman to justify doing something reckless?”

“First of all, rescuing Kamala isn’t reckless, and second of all, the movie isn’t called Batman, it’s The Dark Knight. Young-ish Christian Bale, hello.”

Fabiola pointed a finger at her own face.

“Young-ish out-of-touch lesbian, hello. At least I was close.”

Devi sighed again while Fab smiled sadly at her in obvious sympathy.

“It’s after ten at night. How am I gonna get to Santa Barbara?”

“Assuming you’re not going to ask your mom—”

“No.”

“Then you need a ride.”

“You need a ride? I’ll drive you.”

It was Paxton, walking up and tentatively taking Devi’s hand while darting uncertain glances at Fabiola. Devi felt her entire face light up.

“You don’t want to know where or why?” she teased.

His expression said those were insignificant details. Wow. Devi’d never had a fantasy where Paxton joined forces with her, bounty hunter-style, to track down a flighty Kamala, but this felt oddly romantic. Passionate even? They’d see where the night took them.

“You wouldn’t wanna leave the dance unless it was serious,” Paxton reasoned. “So, I’ll drive you. You wanna go now?”

“I guess we better. Lemme just grab my…”

“I’ll get it,” Fab said, raising a hand like the nerd she was as she volunteered.

She darted back through the dancers to grab Devi’s things and Devi watched their classmates part for their Cricket Queen. She was so proud of Fab. Also, she felt kinda bad for ditching such a momentous occasion. But Kamala needed her, and would totally do the same for her if she ever went off the deep end and kidnapped a dude while fleeing a proposal. Not that Devi could see herself fleeing a proposal (she glanced at Paxton as she thought this, then quickly away, thinking, Way too soon!). Carrying out a kidnapping? With a sufficiently convincing pro-and-con list, anything was possible.

“Basically, Kamala freaked and drove to Santa Barbara with a drunken Mr. K,” Devi said, because Paxton might not have asked to be informed, but she wanted him to know what he was getting himself into. Beyond that, she wanted to give him the chance to say, No way, Devi. I came here to look hot and dance up on you, nothing more.

“Oh shit,” was what he said.

“Damn right, oh shit. You still want to drive? This is going to take a while.”

She should probably have felt guilty about trying to subtly persuade him with her eyes, but not only was Paxton the least complicated option, he was also her first choice. If she maintained eye contact long enough, Devi figured it might trigger some kind of boyfriend override that made going for a long drive at night just as appealing as staying here and dancing with her butt pressed thrillingly to his groin when the teacher-chaperones weren’t looking.

“As long as we can hit up the bathrooms first. I was going to, but then I got talking to Trent, and then Marcus was doing a handstand…”

“Definitely,” Devi assured him. “Good call. Empty the tank. Oh, actually, that reminds me… how much gas do you have in your jeep? If we need to stop at a gas station, I’ll have to factor that in to the ETA I give Kamala.”

Paxton shook his head at her, smiling in what she liked to think was affectionate amusement.

“I filled it up on the way here. I needed a minute to, uh…” To her epic astonishment, he ducked his head self-consciously, cheeks pinking. “You know. Get my shit together. Up here.” He tapped his temple with his index finger. “I wanted to show up for you, like, completely. You know?”

Right as Devi was at dangerously high risk of sagging to the floor in blissful bonelessness, Fabiola sprang to her side, shoving the rest of her possessions at her.

“Ok, ok!” Devi said, harried.

She had to dump it all on the bathroom counter a minute later anyway, but after she’d done her pre-road trip pee, she came out and gave Fab a better thank-you.

“Your Highness,” Paxton told Fabiola with a nod.

Fab nodded back, smiling wryly.

“Prosecutor.”

“I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship,” Devi assessed, “but we gotta go! Say congrats to Eve for me again!”

“Sure. Drive safe!”

Devi and Paxton pushed through the doors together, striding quickly with his hand wrapped around hers. In the parking lot, she glanced sideways to see him digging his keychain out of his front pocket.

“Oh,” she said, “so I wasn’t just feeling that you were very happy to dance with me.”

Until they got into the jeep, it was too dark to see whether she’d gotten him to blush again, but she liked to think that she had. He was definitely smiling.

They got in and Devi carefully tucked her skirt around her legs, mind on Kamala’s cautionary tale. At least it was until Paxton leaned forward to shrug out of his jacket and she saw his shoulder muscles jump beneath his fitted button-down, his narrow black tie swinging forward. Dang. Fifty shades of Hall-Yoshida.

“Santa Barbara?” Paxton double-checked once he was settled behind the wheel, steering out of the student lot.

“Santa Barbara.”

Until they were on the highway and heading out of Los Angeles, Devi did her best to keep her worry about Kamala’s situation contained to the way she flapped her phone against her thigh. Usually, she was stressing about the problems right in front of her (when she wasn’t blatantly ignoring them, only to have that approach bite her in the ass later), but with whatever was going on with Kamala, she kinda had to look ahead.

Had she wanted Kamala to get engaged to Prashant that badly? Well, the best thing about Prashant was that you never knew when having additional hot relatives would be to your benefit. (Devi was already hoping that Mr. K would get over the more nerve-wracking elements of this night and just remember having fun with her stunning cousin… and that this could possibly translate into at least a month of generous grades, if she could somehow spin these shenanigans as an intentional blind date arranged by herself.) However, an engaged Kamala was wholly different from a married Kamala. She wouldn’t be around to watch nonsensical episodes of Riverdale, or be duped into hijinks, or listen to Devi when her mom was too tired, or bitch about her shitty lab-mates in exchange for sitting through Devi bitching about her complicated feelings on the subject of Aneesa dating her ex. She wouldn’t live with them anymore, and the family that had begun to miraculously fill out after her dad had died would be back down to three. And the other two members of it would be old (Sorry, Mom, she thought) and not at all prepared to champion her dating life or the cleavage-accentuating formal dress currently buoying it.

So, yeah, Devi was looking ahead—eyes glazed over as the yellow lights of cars slipped around them to prevent her vision from fully adjusting to the blue-black sky—and feeling more than a little nervous and scared of the Kamala-shaped hole she’d have in her life if her dazzling, dorky cousin left her house for one she might eventually fill with the most beautiful children the world had ever seen.

Thankfully, Paxton was there. It startled her when he took one hand off the wheel and felt across her lap to grab hers, loosely interlacing their fingers. Devi quit hitting her phone against her leg. She sent off their updated location to Kamala and then let her phone fall flat.

“Did she say where she was?” Her boyfriend’s voice was quiet in the car and she realized for the first time that her head had been too crammed with thoughts to put on any music.

“Carpinteria State Beach. Do you know the exit?”

“We’ll find it.”

“And if you want me to drive while you rest on the way back…”

Paxton laughed.

“No way. Safety first.”

“Says the guy driving one-handed,” Devi countered, not that she was eager to surrender the hand warming hers.

He turned his head just long enough to shoot her a look.

“Whoa, pal, eyes on the road!” she said. (She had a half-baked plan to call her boyfriend ‘pal’ a few times and thereby de-weaponize the word in a memory that still felt like a fading bruise, an almost-gone sore spot in who she and Paxton were before they were openly a them.)

“Sorry,” he said, staring out the windshield again. He grinned. “You look gorgeous.”

“Really?”

“So gorgeous.” Paxton’s voice was softer this time, the underlying laugh it had carried since she’d offered to drive his jeep drained out of it. It was nearly a sigh.

“Thanks. So do you.”

“You know, I feel fucking awful for hitting you with my car, but I still think I mighta felt worse if I’d walked in and seen you dancing with somebody else.”

Devi twisted their hands, touching the back of his to her thigh so she was sandwiching it between leg and palm for a moment, aiming for reassuring.

“I wanna say I would never be that flaky, but my previous offenses speak for themselves.”

“So does doing this with me.”

“Uh,” she droned, “to recap, you left a fun thing to do a huge favour for me. You’re talking about it like this is my act of redemption. I feel like if you examine it for a sec, you’ll see how I’m actually kind of a dick for accepting your help.”

“I want us to be together,” he said bluntly. “Here we are. Together.”

“It’s that simple?”

“I don’t see why it can’t be.”

“Huh. I think you’re really gonna be good for my tendency to overcomplicate a situation.”

Paxton laughed and unthreaded his fingers from Devi’s. But it wasn’t to release her for pointing out that this date was, in actual fact, the coordinated response to a family crisis; his fingertips moved lightly over her palm, momentarily trapped when her fingers flinched inward in reaction to how it tickled, then traced along the thin skin of her inner wrist. He wasn’t trying to pull away. He was lingering. Though his touch when he sunk his hand into her hair or drew her closer by her waist had always been fairly gentle, it had often had the faint aggression of hastiness to it, clutching her as they made out in her room, always listening for footsteps in the hallway. How Paxton touched her now was pure, exploratory tenderness. It made the hairs on the back of Devi’s neck stand up as a wave of shivers rushed up her spine and crested somewhere around the nape of her neck.

He must’ve felt that wave break, the foamy aftereffects in some tic of her arm or quickening of her pulse while his fingers skimmed gradually up the inside of her arm towards her elbow, because he chanced another quick glance at her.

“That feels good,” she explained.

Paxton looked forward, nodding slowly, and shifted in the driver’s seat.

“Good.”

She thought it must have felt good for him too, knowing he’d made her shiver.

—

The miles were flicking past for Paxton—another, another, another, as fast and steady as the dashed lines painted between the lanes, his arms cutting the water on the front crawl. He wanted Devi, beside him, to believe that he was paying attention to his driving, but he was honestly kinda zoned out. Like that time he’d swum to San Diego, he let his body go through the motions (in this case, twitching the wheel, putting on cruise control when traffic thinned so he didn’t have to focus on the pedals) while his mind floated freely.

Where it floated was to his girlfriend.

At ten years old, he’d been the last kid in his swim class to jump off the 10m board. It was optional—a treat after getting water up their noses turning somersaults below the surface and doing egg-beater legs in between—but all the other boys in the group had done it eagerly, shrieking on their way down to sloppy pencil dives. Paxton had climbed the stairs all the way to the top easily enough, even stepped onto the wide platform, bordered by metal railings and rough under his bare feet. He’d walked out to the end and frozen to find himself so high above the pool.

He hadn’t feared the water, he’d feared the air. Being so exposed on his own at the end of the diving board. Eventually, he’d retreated, then surprised the coach waiting down at the poolside by turning around and taking the jump at a run. Few memories felt as good as the sensation of giving himself back to gravity and letting it reunite him with the water. He’d just had to get past the exposure.

Same thing tonight, going to find Devi at the dance. Holding her hand in his had been him reaching the platform, but when they stood together, just inside the school’s doors, Paxton hadn’t known for sure whether he would take the leap or retreat. And not just for a running start this time, but in a way that turned his sixteen-year-old present self back into one of those nervous ten-year-olds who wimped out and had to take the coward’s way down—descending each step they’d climbed. He might not have run, and yet he hadn’t needed to back up and race into their relationship either. Momentum hadn’t carried them inside for everyone they knew to see them. It had been a calm approach, even if he’d been shaking on the inside when he saw Trent staring at them.

So maybe Paxton had learned something in the last six years, or maybe it was harder to feel exposed with somebody right next to you.

She really did look gorgeous, like he’d said, and because he didn’t want her to worry about his focus if she spotted him gazing at the side of her face while she texted her cousin, the glances he stole were of the knee region. Her dress’s overlay sparkled when the high lights of eighteen-wheelers passed them and the specific teal of the dress itself reminded him of a river he’d swum in once during an out-of-state family vacation. Natural and deep and fresh, and exasperating for his parents because he’d accidentally doggy-paddled himself all the way to a small waterfall and hadn’t heard them calling him back for dinner around the campfire. He felt all that about Devi, except for hoping for a different reaction from his parents when they met her.

Holy shit. He was going to have to introduce his girlfriend to his embarrassing hippy parents. But then, she’d already met Rebecca, so maybe they were set? A sister’s approval should count for a ton.

No, no, no, Devi would have to meet his parents. He was doing this. The two of them were doing this. Paxton exhaled determinedly through his nose and made himself concentrate on the remaining miles he needed to cover. His mind, anyway. His hand continued to stroke and search, covering his girlfriend’s hand with his until he had her fingers tucked away protectively under his own, and then caressing all the way up to the crook of her elbow so suddenly that she made a noise between a laugh and a yelp because he’d unintentionally tickled her. Man, she was cute.

The very end of their journey required the most concentration from Paxton; he finally took back his hand to have both on the wheel as he steered them off the highway and Devi’s got lonely or something, because it chased across to where he was sitting and landed on his thigh. His jaw clenched. He could feel the heat of her palm through his pantleg and congratulated himself on being a driving legend for driving smoothly to where they needed to park for beach access.

Devi had a pink sweater that she put on, but Paxton grabbed his jacket out of the back as well in case she needed it. It was almost midnight and a breeze rolled up off the water, rippling his tie and swishing Devi’s dress. He didn’t have to ask what they should do next—there was just one other car parked nearby and Devi’s cousin was already standing outside of it, raising a hand to wave sheepishly as they got out of his jeep.

“Here,” he said, holding out his jacket for his girlfriend to put her arms through the sleeves. “You guys talk. I’ll be down at the beach.”

Devi turned her back to him as she accepted the jacket, but she glanced over her shoulder with a look of concern.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. You’ll want privacy. I need to stretch my legs anyway.”

“Just don’t swim away, ok?” she requested. “I don’t think I can handle more than one rescue mission per night.”

Paxton could tell by her expression that it wasn’t entirely a joke. He grinned and gripped his lapels, now on Devi, reeling her in.

“I promise. You’d probably take the opportunity to try to drive the jeep home, and I don’t want to risk that.”

“Me committing grand theft auto or me getting hurt?”

“I bet they tested you for smartness,” he said, “but you think they have a test for being a smartass? You’d score high, Vishwakumar.”

“I know, I know, you don’t want me to get hurt.”

She was so infuriatingly flippant, rolling her big brown eyes at him.

“That’s right,” Paxton said plainly. There he was, up on the platform again.

Devi straightened his tie and let her hand rest flat on his chest. He remembered how overwhelmed she’d looked the first time he’d placed her palm there, right on his skin. Even now, it almost made him laugh.

“Ok,” she said, and he was surrendering himself to the sweet strength of gravity, propelled down to the beach while Devi stayed to talk to Kamala.

—

Devi had heard that there were tidepools here, and she was nervous about stepping into one and spearing some aquatic animal on her high heel. Well, she couldn’t magically improve her night vision, but she could take her shoes off and remove the possibility of impalement. They dangled from her fingers as she picked her way down to the beach.

Her boyfriend was sitting in the sand, staring out at the ocean. It just looked so romantic—with the stars the sky was too bright to see at home, and the waves, and the back of Paxton’s white shirt in the moonlight—that Devi decided to slip into the scene without saying anything at all.

A mistake. Paxton gasped and jumped. Apparently, he hadn’t heard her over the noise of the water.

“Sorry, sorry!” she said.

He sighed and smiled, getting to his feet.

“How’d it go?”

“I think it went well. She was feeling calm enough to drive, so she’s on her way home now. She’s gonna cover for me until we get back.”

“That’s good… but what about Mr. Kulkarni?”

“He was passed out in the passenger’s seat,” Devi stated. “I guess he’s kind of a lightweight? Kamala said she’s going to drive back to our school and leave him and his car in the parking lot. She’s planning to call my mom for a ride home. If it were me, I think I’d take the bus and try to sneak back into the house as quietly as possible, but Kamala still has a lot to learn about how to thoroughly dodge your problems.”

“And maybe about how to climb to the second floor of your house from the outside?” Paxton suggested with a meaningful smirk.

She did her best to return it, but the odds were that it didn’t look nearly as sexy on her. Then again, she had moonlight and midnight and well-displayed cleavage on her side.

“How’d you learn to do that so quietly anyway?” Devi asked, tossing her shoes to the sand and stepping forward to boldly wrap her arms around Paxton’s waist.

He’d had his hands in his pockets, but as soon as she’d begun to move towards him, he’d pulled them out. His arms encircled her, his hands on the back of his own black jacket. Although Devi wanted to offer him the jacket back—he felt slightly chilly through his shirt—she didn’t want the two of them to separate. Besides, body heat was a thing. This was practically what it was for. So Devi just pressed herself closer, breathing the scent of the ocean and Paxton’s fading cologne.

“Trent,” he said.

“Yeah, actually, that checks out.”

Were there boundaries between warming someone up while having a conversation and just hugging them? It wasn’t clear to Devi, but it felt good when they both went quiet for a while. She stood unevenly on the cold sand and listened to the thud of Paxton’s heart.

“You never said yes,” he said eventually, quietly.

“Yes to what?”

“I told you I came to the dance as your boyfriend and you never actually agreed to be my girlfriend. We kinda just started making out.”

Devi lifted her cheek from his chest so she could look at him. He didn’t appear disappointed, more like he was making an observation. Maybe he’d been reflecting, out here in the dark, while she and Kamala had talked.

“In my books, that’s an obvious yes,” she said, grinning. “What more do you need?”

She could see him trying not to smile.

“A little atmosphere would be nice,” Paxton said. “Maybe a long drive, or the beach. A full moon. Romance me, Vishwakumar.”

Devi vibrated with silent laughter. Or her heart was just beating really, really freaking hard.

“Sounds like you’ve got some pretty big expectations there.”

“And stars,” he added. “There should be a shitload of stars.”

With that, he took one hand off her back to point far above them. Devi tipped her head back, the light of the stars a friendly blur as she tried to pick one to settle on, just one. Paxton’s face coming forward to hover over hers blotted them out. Her boyfriend kissed her, light and ghosting and then firm and slow.

“On the other hand,” he said, pulling back a little, “I think we were onto something with the making out.”

Devi smiled and dug her toes into the sand to make herself taller, lips at the ready and realigned with his.

“We did set a precedent.”

[cuinnamonbun]

Hi again! I got another HC idea. 😌

How would the brothers + angels react to a laidback Muslim MC whose also really violent? Like their mood switch flips instantly lmao

Aye, wassup friend! Regarding your ask, at this point you’re just describing ME lmao, somedays I really do just wake up and choose violence 😭 aite let’s do this 😎

The Demon Brothers + Angels Reacting to a Laidback Muslim!MC Turning Violent

Lucifer

At first this man loves MC and the amount of calm and composure that they have

Though he finds it irritating when he’s threatening them and they would just look up at him with the most dull expression on their face (like seriously human, you should be SCARED)

But still, with how chaotic his brothers are, he appreciates a collected and peaceful demeanour whenever he finds it and MC is breath of fresh air even if he won’t admit it

Silence with them always felt comforting and never awkward

One day, he noticed that MC was rather tense and rigid and had asked them if they were fine to which they replied yes through gritted teeth

Sensing that perhaps they were not in the best of moods, he let them go only to hear them politely ask Mammon to get out of their room

Of course our resident dumbass (affectionate) refused in an attempt to tease them, only to be YEETED from the room and into the hallway where Lucifer was standing with a bewildered look on his face

MC was standing by the door with a dark look in their eyes and the most sinister looking scowl that could rival Satan’s before they slammed the door shut in their faces

When he finally got over his shock, he would be extremely, extremely enthused

He will now spend his free time trying to rile up MC just so he can see them lose their temper again

He couldn’t help himself. He knew that Islam emphasises heavily on the virtues of patience as a sign of piety and so he just assumes that MC would just,,,,never yield to anything

This is when he realises he has a corruption kink ok sorry not sorry

May or may not pop a boner if/when he succeeds and they blow up (not literally) in his face

Mammon

He adores this human. Partly because he’s head over heels in love with them he hardly has anyone to drag with him along with his schemes and this human just seems to be down for anything, and mostly because they’re always so coolheaded

It allows him to pull off his plans without a hitch because MC’s composure allows them to be able to think up a quick solution whenever the two of them inevitably face a brick wall during one of Mammon’s schemes

With them around, Mammon would be 15% richer than he would be if he went alone so he’s keeping them around thank u very much

The first time he witnessed them turn violent is when the two of them were hanging out in his room when Levi bursted in, screaming his head off about how Mammon stole his wallet (he didn’t) and that the limited edition Ruri-chan collection was dropping soon in 24 hours and yada yada yada

And when he found out that Mammon didn’t, in fact, steal it, Levi wouldn’t apologise, oh no no no no. Rather, he would proceed to insult and degrade his brother until MC finally have had enough and went. off.

Seriously, the two demons were so shocked that the usually chill human was now on their feet and threatening to ‘deck Levi over the head WWE style if he didn’t quit it with the insults’ that the two brothers just stopped arguing

If Mammon weren’t so astounded, he would’ve found the whole thing hilarious because here is one of the rulers of Hell, turning white as a sheet as he is being cussed out by a small, furious human

After their long-winded (and frankly terrifying) speech that were riddled with not-so-subtle threats, Levi mumbled an apology and quickly shuffled out of the room with his tail between his legs and MC just plopped back down on his couch with their usual dull expression back on their face as if they didn’t just go on a tirade just seconds prior

Mammon’s love for the MC increased tenfold right then and there

Leviathan

Oh, you’re really quiet and laidback? Cool.

He doesn’t really care about it but he does enjoy having them around during his gaming sessions or when he needs a buddy to watch anime with him because they’re the only ones who would listen to him prattle on about theories and endings whilst enjoying the game/anime

He also vents to them A LOT and is the first person he seeks whenever he’s annoyed or frustrated by his brothers

He was heading over to the living room for movie night with his brothers and MC when he found his brothers all bickering with one another (no shocker there) and MC sitting on the couch reading a hard cover book

Of course, once they saw him enter, he was immediately dragged into the argument about which movie they were gonna watch

Now as the otaku of the family, Levi’s pretty very vocal and highly opinionated about the type of film they should watch for movie night and he dislikes it whenever someone would argue with him on his choice of film

So when Satan told him to his face that his movie selection sucked and he should just leave his input out, Levi would be so, so, SO offended and upset which was evident from his expression alone

Before he could defend himself though, a book suddenly went hurtling through the air and hit Satan right in the middle of his forehead like a bullseye

At first Satan was FURIOUS but it quickly died down when all the brothers finally realised where the book had come from: MC’s direction

They all turned to see an irritated look on their usually placid face and dominant arm raised as if they’d just thrown a shot put

“Oops. My hand slipped,” they said monotonously before sauntering away from the now-quiet living room

Levi is now cautious of accidentally angering MC, but he can’t help that moe feeling that MC actually threw that book in his defense

Satan

As the Avatar of Wrath, Satan is extremely attuned to people’s rage and MC is no different

He was honestly the only one out of his brothers who wouldn’t be surprised if one day MC woke up and chose violence

I mean, he usually keeps his wrath under wraps, hiding it well with an easy smile and friendly demeanour and he could tell that MC was the same

He knew that no one human could ever have that high amount of patience, especially when dealing with his brothers, doesn’t matter if they’re religious or not

In fact, he was waiting for the day he would finally see them snap and release all the pent up rage he knew they bottle carefully within themselves

Of course it happened when Asmo would not stop pestering MC about going to the club

As MC is a Muslim, it’s not a surprise that they’re against going to places like clubs, casinos or bars

Usually MC was able to tune out Asmo’s pleas like white noise but it was when Asmo turned to physically dragging them that became the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back

The poker-faced MC now looked more like an Avatar of Wrath than Satan himself

Satan only watched in amusement as MC dug their heels in the pavement, cradled a confused Asmo’s face in their hands...and pulled his cheeks with a bright smile and the most ominous look in their eyes before telling him ‘fuck off before I proceed to give all of ur prized makeup and skincare for Mammon to sell and use our pact to make u watch as he earns his cash’ in the sweetest way possible

Asmo no longer pesters them to join him clubbing

Satan: I’d just like to say, I’m your biggest fan

Asmodeus

Asmo loves loves LOVES having this human around because they always let him use them as his own personal doll

That means impromptu fashion shows in his room, makeovers, spa days, mani-pedis you name it

So he always assumed they were this paragon of patience and stoicism, never once losing their cool

The first time he saw them turn violent was when the two of them were walking down to the kitchen with Asmo chatting their ear off about some scandal this succubus has found herself in with these two demon best friends while they just listened and occassionally chiming in

When they reached the kitchen however, they found Beel by the kitchen, no shocker there

But MC had stopped dead in their tracks because right there in his hands was the chilled lemon soufflé that they’d been making for Lucifer (upon his request)

It’d taken them hours to perfect the dessert to Lucifer’s standards and they’d left it in the fridge to chill before serving it to him for tea time

So when Beel raised the now-empty glass to show to MC with a happy look on his face, it was enough to send them over the edge and scream bloody murder to the brothers’ surprise

Beel will apologise sheepishly but MC will force him to remake the dessert without letting him eat anything until it is perfect

It was torture for him and Asmo vows to never unintentionally set them off again because...holy shit MC

Beelzebub

Beel is a chill dude most of them time when he’s not hungry

All he wants is for his brothers to stay safe, happy and healthy and he’s a happy demon 🥺

He likes having a laidback MC around whether it’s during studying, snacking or even when he’s working out

Their presence is always so calming and comforting for him since their lax nature just reminds him so much of Belphie

The first time he saw them truly angry was when they’d found out that their favourite sweater that they brought back from the human world had been destroyed and discarded in the trash

As it turned out, Belphie had been rumaging through their room for something to snuggle with while MC had been away at Purgatory Hall and found their sweater

In an unfortunate string of events, a loose thread from the sweater had caught on the end of a door latch and the sleepy Belphegor hadn’t enough patience at the time to gently untangle it

Instead, he forcefully yanked it, causing the sweater to tear

Deciding that it’s better to just grab their blanket or something, Belphie discarded the article of clothing in the trash before stealing their blanket and stalking away to the attic for a nap

When MC found out, they. were. furious.

That means a lot of smashing, screaming and shouting until Beelzebub or Lucifer finally managed to calm them down

He’s sad that MC is so angry at his twin but he never wanted to see MC lose their temper like that ever again

Belphegor

Exam season was rapidly approaching at RAD and that means more assignments, quizzes and tests 

For the average student, it also means sleepless nights, mental breakdowns and consuming a concerning amount of caffeine

For Belphegor, he simply couldn’t give a shit

No amount of exams is scary enough to get his ass out of bed and study 

And like his other brothers, he assumed the same for MC

They always had that poker face on them as they studied and they never once argued or talked back to one of his brothers even though they were being so annoying and irritating (to him) and were clearly disturbing their revision time

He sees the hard work that they’re putting in their studies and reputation and even though they hide it behind a blasé mask, he knew they were exhausted

It was up to Belphegor to recognise their cues and force them to take breaks by napping with him

He was peacefully napping in the common room beside a studying MC, patiently waiting for their 25 minute break from their pomodoro session when Lucifer had walked in and begun to bark chores at them that even woke up the younger demon beside them

And to their surprise, rather than wordlessly carrying out his commands like the demons had expected them to, MC slammed their pen down on the coffee table and yelled at him

MC: you know what, Lucifer? Why don’t you take your ***** and ****** then shove it up your ****** and let’s not forget to *****, you little ***** ***** *****!!!

Belphegor had never been more proud and concerned for this little human who was far too brave for their own good

Simeon

It’s said by everyone who knew him that Simeon is always so calm and composed, always greeting everybody with a kind smile and gentle eyes

He never once loses his cool, but that doesn’t mean that he does not feel anger from time to time

Like Satan, Simeon is understanding of MC’s anger and would never reprimand them for blowing up

Anger is healthy after all

He has expressed concern before for MC’s mental wellbeing as they were far too patient for their own good

Of course, in all his years of living, he has seen remarkable humans with superhuman patience before like the Prophets Muhammad and Jesus (peace be upon them) but even that was because they had divine intervention 

The first time he saw them finally snap was when the two of them were enjoying a pleasant walk towards the House of Lamentation from RAD when Mammon and Levi appeared out of nowhere and began fighting again

It had been non-stop screaming, insulting and fighting with these two for almost three weeks now and MC was so, so, sooo close to yeeting them off the side of a cliff

Their composure finally snapped when Mammon and Levi had been roughhousing so close to them that they accidentally stepped on Simeon’s robe (or is it more of a cape?? idk) and tore a small hole in it

Simeon has never been more surprised to see MC roar at them and begin a stern lecture that reminded him so terribly of Lucifer

He was so amused that he couldn’t help but laugh when they forced the two to apologise to him before dragging them over to the House by their ears, completely ignoring their desperate cries for mercy 

It was a hilarious sight and he would’ve recorded that entire scene on his DDD if he weren’t so hopeless with technology

Luke

MY SONNN

Luke is reminded of Simeon when he first got to know MC

They were always so collected and level-headed even though they were thrown in Hell out of the blue for an exchange programme that lasts a whole year

He never understood how they could be so chill with living with 7 demons under one roof though like??? hello????? human are u functioning well?

But he likes having them around because they’re always so nice to him and always keen on spending time with him

Which is where he finally saw them snap

The two of them were carrying their cupcakes that they’d made for their picnic date alongside Simeon and Solomon and had left them on the table for a few minutes while they went to gather the rest of the supplies

They came back to see that the cupcakes had been ravaged by Mammon, Levi and Beel who all looked so pleasantly happy munching on their hard work

Luke was extremely distraught and upset over this and protective MC will NOT tolerate this kind of behaviour to their son

So using the power of the pacts, they forced the brothers to grovel at his feet and apologise by doing whatever Luke wants them to do

He wants a glass of water? LEVI GET UR ASS TO THE KITCHEN RN! He wants pizza? MAMMON U RUN UR CUT LIL BUTT TO HELL’S KITCHEN AND GET HIM A LARGE PIZZA STAT! He wants to be fed? BEEL U BETTER MOVE THAT FOOD FROM UR MOUTH SON AND FEED IT TO HIM ASAP!

Luke secretly enjoys it but he still can’t help but feel kinda bad for the brothers and slightly scared of MC now

[mysteriouslybrokenmentality]

All of this stems from me thinking about that time All Might punched Izuku on the beach. Also none of this really expands on how the other students of 1-A and U.A. interact with Izuku.

Hey, y'all ever think about the fact that before U.A. Izuku had never had any good teachers, (that we've seen) all of his teachers were complicit in or encouraging of his bullying. So he probably doesn't have much trust in teacher figures. I mean, sure All Might is the #1 hero and his idol, but during his first ever in person interaction with him he shattered his dreams and then flimsily builds them up again with the 'gift' of a quirk, training Izuku for the power. (Kind of telling him he needs to change himself if he wants to be worthy of having a quirk, even if All Might means in the physical sense). ALSO, All Might (who was quirkless before Nana gave him One For All) is implying to Izuku that the only reason he's worth effort is that when he is given OFA he won't be quirkless. Izuku is gifted the status of human. A quirk is necessary to be treated right, granted human rights, and considered of worth. Ok he gets into U.A. then in his first ever class with All Might as a teacher, he's essentially complicit in Bakugou's treatment of Izuku just like all other teachers he's had. (Also he has no teaching license?) (Bakugou should have been trained in the correct and appropriate usage of his gauntlets). Now Aizawa is another story teacher & trust wise. When he first meets him with the quirk test Aizawa seems to write him off, yes he doesn't have the full story of Izuku's life previously but it should be in Izuku's file that his quirk status was recently changed, Aizawa should have known. Teachers don't normally read all their students files in upper grades (idk about other countries but in the U.S. I mean). Though I know they all at least have important information skimmed. Like IEP's and learning disabilities and special needs. However because this world is different from ours and Aizawa is meant to be training these kids and that's his main focus, taking care of them, he should read all of their files, not just like extreme basics (I'm not even going into my thoughts about treatment of other students in 1-A).

During USJ I think Izuku kind of begins to develop the first dregs of trust in Aizawa, or at least kind of develop the idea that Aizawa won't just outright let him die, because of how hard Aizawa fought for the kids (and Izuku knows his fighting style and abilities so he understands what this fight is for Aizawa) but he wouldn't trust him emotionally what so ever. That brings me to the Sports Festival, All Might tells Izuku to 'show the world he is here' but he gives no Izuku 0 guidelines and no guidance for how to do that or to what extent so Izuku just tries his best to frantically fit what he thinks is All Might's standards for him are to avoid upsetting the person who gave him worth (😒). Then after his fight with Todoroki where he breaks his arms terribly, to the extent of nerve damage and permanent disability, Recovery Girl tells him she won't heal these types of injuries again. So Izuku is back to patching himself up just like he would after Bakugou's beat downs, out of his fear of angering his teachers, without any support. Isolated again. Next is internships, Gran Torino is actually pretty good, if a little harsh. He treats Izuku like he would a perfectly normal teenager but Izuku is anything but, he's got truama all over the place. Gran Torino'a prank is not funny for someone who's been told to off themself and beaten down their whole life. Then all the Stain shit happens where Izuku is literally just trying to save his friend from dying and he actually calls for back up like he should! And gets reprimanded for it (like should he have just let Iida die??? Damn). After internships is final exams. His idol, his teacher, beats him down, using him as a baseball bat to smack another student. (Why are they fighting people who should be taking care of them and guiding them, and does All Might not understand that these are 15 year olds. Like sure villains won't go easy on them but god damn dude). Not only that but while Izuku attempts to work with Bakugou, he gets punched in the face. And no one acknowledges it so he's right back to previous school experiences where Bakugou hurts him for no reason and no teacher does anything. Izuku is perfect at working with others, using his quirk ingeniously, strategizing against a wide range of foes and more, why is he being used to correct Bakugou, to help Bakugou. Why aren't they helping him better himself?? Why aren't they giving him a challenge that's right for him. It's not like he won't work with Bakugou for lack of trying, and Bakugou is his abuser so I don't think it's wrong of Izuku to not want to work with him. They had to have been watching! It's an exam. And after that is training camp, and Bakugou's kidnapping. Not only does Izuku shatter his arms saving a like 7 year old from a sociopathic mass murderer. Izuku then feels it's his fault that Bakugou was kidnapped by the League, thus he feels responsible to rescue him, and none of the teachers even give them the reassurance that they're actually doing anything to save Bakugou so they take it into their own hands. (Also, counseling, excuse me U.A. get these kids some therapy??? So much trauma, from just their time at U.A. alone not counting previous traumas). And then Kirishima basically guilt trips him into going to get Bakugou back while Ixuku is still recovering from shattered arms, yet again. So Izuku goes and then his friend (Someone he saved from becoming a murderer!!! Well, saved him from death via serial killer.), punches him in the face while Izuku is trying to, PEACEFULLY, reason with him.

Then, after they succeed and Izuku watched his idol, his teacher, his mentor, get almost killed. And Izuku meets All Might on the beach probably thinking All Might will try to comfort and reassure him, and most likely wanting to check on All Might. And he walks up to this paragon of safety and peace, and gets punched in the face. WHAT THE HELL. Okay sure All Might then goes on to tell Izuku he's proud of what he did and blah blah blah. But it's never acknowledged that All Might, his teacher and idol, punches him in the face for doing something risky??? No adult should use injury and violence as a punishment against a child. No matter how frustrated, annoyed, upset, and/or angry with the child they are. It's unacceptable.

And that's not even taking into account everything else that happens later. Like dorms happen, Aizawa and All Might come to everyone's house to talk about taking their children and boarding them at U.A together. But when they come to Izuku, Aizawa let's the man with no teaching license talk to the Midoryias alone (😒). I'm with Inko, they've failed Izuku in so many ways already! Why should she let them take him from her completely? But All Might uses his social/political weight as ex-symbol of peace to 'convince' her to let Izuku move into the dorms. So now they all move in and gather on the front lawn with Aizawa. And he basically publicly shames the kids who went to Kamino for going, even though they didn't tell them what was happening or reassure the kids that they were already planning to rescue him. EVEN THOUGH the kids didn't fight, didn't engage, they literally were all released from the hospital and out of school, under the watch and care of their parents, not explicitly told not to go, weren't told not to follow Momo's tracker, and actually acted in a logical manner to save their friend (though Bakugou is not Izuku's friend 😒😒😒). What they did wasn't even technically illegal because even if there was an attempt to charge them with public quirk usage; Todoroki was the only one to use his quirk and they could claim self defense. The school has no control over them being in Kamino, it's a place you can't forbid someone from going to a public place. So they shouldn't be reprimanded. Honestly Aizawa should have been proud of them (I think he's jealous there was nothing he could do for Oboro when they lost him during school). And next is the license exams which is a whole other thing. I should stop here because it's a lot. HAHAHA NOPE. Okay, so they develop their special moves but not really given and guidance or hints on how or anything. Like I get this is something they need to do for themselves but there should be some sort of basis. They're still kids, 15-16 years old. I understand that they're training to be heroes (which I have thoughts on child soldiers man but that's not what this is about) but still! License exam day comes and Aizawa hasn't really given them much on what they'll be doing, how it will work, and who else will be there (😒). This is about as far as my rant will go until I've watched more of the anime and read more of the manga. I'm a little behind but that stems from personal problems so. I'll update this further when I watch/read more of the story.

This was originally posted like 3/24/21 but it's been edited 3/28/21.😘

[jimimn]

HI ITS ME WHO'S NOT OVER JJK BLONDE SELFIE AND WILL NEVER BE -💫

HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO <33333333

HONESTLY ITS THE WAY YOH SAY SUCH NICE THINGS AND I DISAPPEAR FOR DAYS ON END BECAUSE INCONSISTENCY BLEEDS INTO EVERY CORNER OF MY LIFE FNEKALKD BUT I'M GETTING DONE WITH MY FIRST LEG OF EXAMS ON MONDAY SO YAY TO THAT!! OKAY I THINK WE'LL MOVE SLOWLY WITH BABY STEPS JUNGKOOK DROPPED SOME SELCAS JIMIN DROPPED SOME SELCAS IN THE WORDS OF THE LEGENDARY JEON JUNGKOOK ALL WE NEED NOW IS "together..BAM!" (THAT'S LITERALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS EVER THE WAY HE SAYS IT 🤧)

YES IN THIS HOUSE WE SCREAM OVER JIMIN'S DISRESPECT HE IS THE PARAGON OF A MULTI-FACETED MAN THAT HAS US WRAPPED AROUND HIS FINGER. THE AUDACITY 😤

CHANEL X JIMIN LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN AND OMG THAT SELFIE THAT DROPPED?? SIR???? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?? I MEAN YES BH SAID LET'S DROP SELFIES IN BULK BUT THAT ONE PICTURE OF HIM IN BLACK(GREY? I DONT KNOW FHSKKAJF) WITH THE SHIRTS UNBUTTONED!!! THEM COLLARBONES ARE FREE AND THEY'RE THRIVING IN THE OPEN IN THAT ONE. ALSO HIS LIPS ARE SO PRETTY. OH GOD LITERALLY HE HAS THAT COCKY SMIRK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE KNOWS HE DOES HOT BOY SHIT LIKE SHUT UP OK YOU CANT DO THAT JAIL FOR U NDNSLSKAJJW

SUCH A FUCKING TEASE THATS RIGHT!! EVEN STRAIGHT MEN?? BRO LIKE HOW DO YOU HAVE ALL GENDERS JUST TRIPPING OVER THEMSELVES FOR YOU IT'S INSANE AND OMG MISS SHIVI HAVE YOU SEEN THAT ONE CLIP IN WHICH JIMIN HOLDS HIS GAZE WITH THESE MEN WHO LOOK AT HIM (i think it was bon voyage?) and when they cross each other he JUST SMIRKS AND RUNS HIS HAND THROUGH HIS HAIR LIKE YEAH OK ALEXA PLAY I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT. AND YES I'LL LISTEN TO EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY ANYTIME 💗💗

12PM KST IS THE HOLY HOUR I TELL YOU ALTHOUGH I REMEMBER WAITING THE NIGHT BEFORE BE CAME OUT WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO COME AND BH WAS JUST LIKE "yea...no" OMG THAT'S AWESOME YOUR COUSIN'S VISITING YOU

HHFJDOSO YEAH IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE THEY DID THE JUMP ALTHOUGHHHH I'M POSITIVE THEY'LL DO SMTH COOL LIKE THAT IN THEIR CONCERTS BECAUSE THEIR PERFORMANCE QUALITY IS JUST.. THROUGH THE ROOF IT'S CRAZY!! WHEN THE PERFORM WINGS?? LIKE HOLY SHIT NO CHOREO NO POSITIONS JUST BTS RUNNING AROUND THE STAGE MAKING THE CROWD GO FERAL I LOVE EVERY WINGS PERFORMANCE SO MUCH MY SEROTONIN LEVELS ARE ALWAYS AT A HIGH THEN. OOHH MY GODDD BS&T IS REALLY THAT BITCH!!!! WHO'S DOING IT LIKE HER TODAY NO ONE IS EXACTLY. AND NOOOO I TOTALLY GET IT WE THINK ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH THAT ACCIDENT HAS THE SAME EFFECT ON ME. IF ONLY YOU'D TOLD ME THEN IN 2016 THAT THAT ACCIDENT WAS THE START OF SO MANY I'D BE PREPARED FOR EVERYTHING THAT FOLLOWED (see: him basically stripping himself that one serendipity performance. holy shit.)

FOR REAL THO CHRISTMAS LOVE DROPPED OUT OF NOWHERE AND DO YOU REMEMBER JIMIN SAYINF uUH iM nOt wORkInG oN a SoLo SoNg aT ThE mOmEnT heHe LIKE ALL MEN DO IS LIE OK AT THIS POINT. BYE. YES TAEHYUNG DID WARN US BUT ARMYS (LIKE MYSELF) PUT THEIR CLOWN WIGS ON AND THOUGHT IT WAS KTH1 LMAO. OMG I HOPE YOU DON'T SLEEP THROUGH ANY OF THEIR UPCOMING SONG RELEASES BUT I'M SURE IT'S THE BEST FEELING TO WAKE UP TO CHECK YOUR NOTIFS AND SEE "Big Hit Labels" BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE FIREEE. DUDE SERIOUSLY I NEED JIMIN TO GO LIVE AGAIN (although we've been well fed by namjoon for now🤧😌💗) LIKE THAT ONE YT LIVE WHERE HE SAID "O...M...G" SHUT UP STOP BEING SO CUTE I'M DHJSWLIFJWKALS

LMAO OKAY YEAH THAT'S VALID YOUR BLOG THEME IS BASICALLY ✨jimin✨ AND I LOVE THAT IT REALLY GRAVITATED ME AND YOUR URL OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD YOUR BRAINNN 💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️

YES YES YES JIMIN IS SO PERFECT AND THE SOCK DOODLESSS 😭😭😭 oooo so when did you get into giffing? how did you start? BROOOOO YOUR URL'S ORIGIN STORY. I LOVE IT WOW YES IT'S DEFINITELY GOT THE REQUIRED ✨pazzaz✨

NOOO OMG THIS URL IS YOUR BRAND LIKE YOU'RE A LEGEND ON ARMYBLR I LOVE IT SO MUCH. BUT STILL!! IT'S YOUR CHOICE AT THE END 💖

OMG QUARANTINE DID IT'S ONE GOOD JOB AND GOT YOU INTO BANGTAN YAY. OMG YOU AND MISS LIFEGOESMON ARE FRIENDSS??? LEGENDS INTERACTING THIS IS SO COOL. LMAO THE PARADIGM SHIFT YOU MUST'VE FELT FROM LISTENING TO STAY GOLD (WHICH BTW THE MV...THE LITERAL CUTEST OH GOD THE LITTLE DOG AND JIMIN'S LITTLE SMILES DHSJAOWO) TO THEN GOING TO BST IN WHICH JIMIN IS BASICALLY STRIPPING AND JUNGKOOK IS UPSIDE DOWN LMAOOO. YES BS&T HAS EVERYONE HOOKED THE POWERRRR. YOU FALLING DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE WITH YOUR FRIEND'S ASSISTANCE OH GOD THIS IS SO CUTE 💓 EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM 🥺🥺🥺

AAAAH OKAY MY STORY ISN'T AS INTERESTING AS YOURS IS BUT IN 2016 BASICALLY ALL I KNEW OF KPOP WAS GANGNAM STYLE AND WASNT WILLING TO CUANGE THAT PERCEPTION (FOOL BEHAVIOUR I TELL YOU) AND WAS TOO BUSY OBSESSING OVER ONE DIRECTION'S REUNION AND SO ONE NIGHT (THE NIGHT BEFORE JIMIN'S BIRTHDAY 🤧🤧) I JUST STUMBLED UPON THEIR BS&T TEARS MV AND I HEARD IT AND I WAS LIKE OMG!! THIS IS THAT SUPER ADDICTIVE SONG THAT I'D HEARD SOMEWHERE AND IT JUST SPIRALLED FROM THERE I REMEMBER SEEING JIMIN AND BEING LIKE 👀👀👀👀 WHO IS HE I LIKE HIM AND JUST HIS AURA DREW ME IN SOOO MUCH AND WHEN I WAS GETTING INTO THEM I REMEMBER WRITING THEIR NAMES IN MY NOTES TO SEE IF I COULD REMEMBER 🤧 AND I STILL HAVE THAT NOTE FROM 4+ YEARS AGO 💓 AND YEAH BASICALLY SEEING THEM DO ALL THE MUSIC SHOWS AND STUFF AT THE TIME WAS SO COOOL AND MIND YOU BH DIDN'T HAVE SUBS FOR BANGTAN BOMBS THEN SO WENT ON THESE SKETCHY DAILYMOTION TYPE SITES LOOKING FOR ALL THE CONTENT I COULD CHURN OUT LMAO

AND YES!! COURTESY OF YOU I DID WATCH SOME RUN EPS!! I WATCHED THEIR CANADA ONES SPEAKING OF WHICH I LOOOVE THAT PART WHERE THEY'RE DOING THAT SONG GUESSING THING IN THE MORNING AND JIMIN SAYS "are you cold?" 🥺🥺 TO TAE AND HUGS HIM URRHRHEHSJSJSH AND I ALSO SAW THE ONES WITH THE PUPPIES GODDDDD I LOVE THE PUPPIES ONE SO MUCH LITERALLY JUNGKOOK AND HIS DOG (MIRI?) OH MY GOD THAT LIL FLUFFER AND ADAM IS MY ICON WITH HOW HE JUST DID HIS OWN THING LMAO.

BUT ANYWAY!! DO YOU HAVE A FAVE ERA?? LIKE DO YOU EVER LOOK AT THEM AND GO "Damn I wish I was a fan then" BECAUSE HONESTLY I WISH I HAD STANNED THEM IN THEIR DOPE ERA BUT I DON'T THINK I WOULD HAVE SURVIVED JIMIN THEN DHKSOWID-💫

FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME!!!!!!! ITS OKAY!!!!!!!! I TOTALLY TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!!!! AND YAYYYYY CONGRATS I HOPE THE FIRST LEG OF EXAMS WENT WELL <333333 AND OH MY GOD you’re gonna make me cry with the together baam goddddddd same one of my fave moments and jimin’s giggles after that 😭😭😭😭 my babies <3 :((((

that..... black suit selca....... that opened button...... like open one more dear sir who’s stopping you... just do it <33333 YEAH he totally needs to shut up with his i know im hot side it just kills me every single time 😭😭😭😭😭

LISTEN THAT BV3 MOMENT  S H O O K  ME OKAY????? THOSE GUYS LOOKED AT HIM AND HE WAS SO FUCKING SMUG ABOUT IT (AND HE SHOULD BE) AND THE WAY HE LICKED HIS LIPS AND RAN HIS HANDS THROUGH HIS HAIR????? LIKE HE KNOWS HE HAS EVERY SINGLE PERSON; NO MATTER WHAT GENDER; WRAPPED AROUND HIS LIL PINKY LIKE THAT???????

OH MY GOD ME TOO I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE THE WINGS STAGE AND WATCHING THEM HAVE SO MUCH FUN IS JUST SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I ALSO ABSOLUTELY LOVVVEEE THEIR ENERGY DURING THE SY TOUR MEDLEY WITH IDOL AND BAEPSAE AND FIRE AND DOPE ZSXDFGFCHGVJBHJN THEY JUST LOSE THEMSELVES IN THE CROWD AND THE MUSIC AND ITS JUST SO FUCKING SURREAL TO WATCH HOW MUCH THEY ENJOY DOING WHAT THEY DO!!!!! kinda makes me want to find that happiness and passion in whatever i do in my professional life <3 and LISTEN jimin said the break the soul commentary THAT HE COULD DO SERENDIPITY SHIRTLESS TOO. THE AUDACITY. HE SAID THAT WITH HIS WHOLE CHEST. 

YOU KNWO WHAT I THINK JIMIN WON’T GIVE US A HINT BEFORE DROPPING PJM1. HE’LL JUST DROP IT ONE FINE DAY OUT OF NOWHERE LIKE HE DROPPED PROMISE AND CHRISTMAS LOVE (i wasn’t here when he dropped promise but i read that on twitter sdfghjkl) AND NO PLS NO I DO N O T WANT TO SLEEP THROUGH JJK1 OR KTH1 OR PJM1 OR KSJ1 OR NAMGI MIXTAPE 3 OR HOBI MIXTAPE 2 OR ANYTHING BASICALLY YOU GET IT i had slept through dynamite cb because i had NO CLUE that they were gonna drop it at 1pm kst rather than 12 am kst. i was under the impression that since they dropped all the teaser pictures and the teaser itself as 12 am kst, the mv will drop at 12 am kst too. and I woke up like two hours after the mv dropped (which was almost noon my time) and i felt like A FUCKING FOOL AND I JUST 😭😭😭😭 NEVER WANT TO FEEL LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN 😭😭😭 

AND YES BABIE NEEDS TO COME LIVE SOON PLS I MISS HIM SO FUCKING MUCH :((((( AND HIS O...M.....G HAD MADE ME FUCKING SOBBBBBBBBBBB his yt live god he looked sooooooo fluffy with his hair and his tiny hands and his puppy eyes and soft voice im just so 😭😭😭😭😭😭

NO NONNONONONO PLEASE IM NO LEGEND DON’T SAY THAT IM EMBARRASSED im just a normal fangirl who makes okayish gifs 😭😭 and ok yes so i started giffing LONNNGGGGGG time back on a different public fan forum from my country but i never knew the right process and stuff so obviously the gifs were shitty lmao BUT ANYWAY i got into gifmaking PROPERLY this in july last year and obviously struggled a lot in the beginning because i didn’t know shit about colouring and stuff lmao but i kept practicing and even though im not perfect rn i do think that i got better. i love giffing tho. its such a nice creative outlet and whenever i gif the boys it brings me so much happiness :( <33

AND YES ASDFGHJKL ME AND HER ARE FRIENDS SINCE A VERY LONG TIME SDFGHJK LIKE LONG BEFORE BOTH OF US GOT INTO BTS SDFGHJ and ah yes the whiplash lmaooooooo and you’re right god the stay gold mv is SO FUCKING PRETTY THE COLOURS IN THAT ENTIRE MV HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AND JIMIN AND TAE AND JOON WITH THE DOGGO JUST EVERYTHING SDFGHJK <3333333 AND BS&T DUDE I GIFFED THE MV YESTERDAY AND IM 💀💀💀💀💀 (like i just giffed jimin from the mv but i did watch the whole thing 5647589 times <333333) AND GUESS WHAT!!!!!! I WAS A LILLY SINGH FAN (IDK IF YOU KNOW HER SHE’S A YOUTUBER) BACK IN 2016 AND PEOPLE BACK THEN HAD REQUESTED HER TO REACT TO BS&T MV AND I HAD WATCHED HER REACTION VIDEO AND (although it didn’t stick with me back then because i was a fucking fool) I DID SOMEHOW REMEMBERED THE JIN AND STATUE KISSING MOMENT AND WHEN IN 2020 I SAW THE MV AND SAW THE KISSING MOMENT MY BRAIN JUST!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT I HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE SOMEWHERE AND THEN I REMEMBERED I HAD SEEN THIS IN THE REACTION VIDEO LMAOOOOO i wish i hadn’t been a fool and gotten into them back then :((((

AH NO OMG YOUR STORY IS SOOOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEEE ATLEAST YOU WEREN’T A FOOL LIKE ME TO NOT GET ATTRACTED TO BS&T THE FIRST TIME OF SEEING IT!!!! I WANNA HIT MY 2016 SELF LIKE DAMN YOU YOU FOOLISH ASSHOLE AND yes omg how did y’all do the subs thing damnnnnn i can’t imagine

AND YES THE CANADA RUN EPIS ARE LOOOVVVEEEE and that vmin moment plsssssss i cry everytime 😭😭😭😭😭 it is just so soft and innocent and tae’s little smile after jimin just turns around and hugs him 😔😔😔😔 i love soulmates 😔😔😔😔 AND MIRI YES OMG EVERYONE WAS SO IMPRESSED BY THE LITTLE CUTIE AND THE WAY JUNGKOOK JUST KEPT ADORING HER THROUGHOUT MADE ME SO SO SOFTTTT and bro adam is me. i am like that. lazy and un-motivated AF. although if i were a dog and jin were to be my owner i would listen to him so well and jump on him every chance i’d get 😌😌😌

GOD YES RED HAIR DOPE ERA JIMIN 💀 BABIE BUT MAKE IT SEXY 🥵🥵 AND OMG YESDGFHG MY FAVE ERA IS HYYH. ORANGE HAIRED JIMIN. PLS. HE’S EVERYTHING. I WISH I HAD GOTTEN INTO THEM DURING THAT. LIKE THAT ERA IS ..... SOMEHOW SO FUCKING WILD AND STILL SO ASSURING AND CALMING ????? KEEPS ME ROOTED LIKE IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN DFGHJKL AND WINGS TOO DAMN I WISH I WAS HERE TO LIVE ALL THOSE AMAZING ERAS. but even though i wish i had gotten into them earlier... i think i found them when i needed them the most. I was going through a very difficult time last year and they somehow they made me feel so fucking safe and at home that the connection was instant. honestly i’ve never stanned or felt a connection with any celebrity as strong as the one i feel with bangtan. its like... they don’t know i exist but they still know EXACTLY what im feeling and what to say or do at that time to make me feel comforted. Its weird god but its true :((( SORRY I GOT EMO I JUST LOVE THEM A LOT SDFGHJKL

[msbeccieboo]

Arrow 8x01 Brain Dump

So that was....awesome! I’m in shock! Obviously there was a gaping chasm where our precious cupcake used to be, but that’s gonna be the new normal for this last run, so I’m gonna try to not dwell on that too much in these last few reviews. And apparently these aren’t getting any shorter, even without Felicity...

Oliver Jonas Queen: Paragon and bestest hero everrrr (suck it, Larry)

Our beautiful boy 😭😭😭 kicking the episode off with stunning recreations of the very beginnings of the show, first on Lian Yu, then returning to Moira was just *chef kiss*. 

That Oliver is now able to relive these moments, really feeling the feelings and speaking the words that he was previously too broken to, upon his real return from the island, and expressing them to both himself and to those people he can no longer see in his reality, is just heart-breaking and tear-inducing and beautiful and satisfying and all of the feelings. He worked his arse of to get here and to experience it and he fucking well deserves it. Ugh I just made myself cry haha. 

More under the cut...

Stephen’s acting was a beautiful thing to watch in this episode. Oliver’s scenes with all the returning guests were just so perfect; his emotions over seeing Tommy and Moira again 😭, then not-Felicity 😍💔 then Adrian 😂 were all perfect. The scene where he was trying to seek advice or validation from Moira over leaving his family for this mission (even though he couldn’t reveal why) was just heart-breaking. Then when he breaks down (along with us!) and tells Moira he’s sorry, it’s almost like he’s doubly apologising; to Moira for not better understanding her, now that he is a parent himself, and to Felicity, William and Mia, for having to leave them behind.

It was so sad seeing Oliver doubting himself throughout the episode. He tells Diggle that Earth 2 has so many more people alive without him having been there, and then when Moira astutely observes that he is a better man now than before he went on the Gambit, he replies he’s not so sure. How can he still not see this yet?? He’s clearly been away from Felicity for too long! By the end of the episode he seems to be making some headway, at least in realising that he doesn’t need to face this crisis alone, when he delivers an EPIC SPEECH to Tommy “because were only as good as the people in our lives. Every one of those losses brings with it a choice between darkness and light. Make the right choice.” YES MY BOY!!!  I’m totally here for this whole season of Oliver going to other Earths, realising how awesome he is, then imparting this wisdom on everyone by delivering rousing speeches!! The Monitor said it himself in his voice-over, referring to Oliver “the highest [form of heroes] belong to those known as the paragons and they are the only hope of all creation.” YAAAASSSSS!!!! SUCK BALLS LARRY AND LARA!!!

Felicity/Olicity

Just because she’s not there, doesn’t mean she’ll be forgotten! I’m honestly so pleased that the show isn’t going to pretend Felicity doesn’t exist just because Emily left. Her absence is palpable, so the mentions and nods to her character throughout the episode (and the rest of the season, it seems) are very much welcomed!

The fake-out Felicity scene was beautifully done! From Oliver’s initially excited face and “it’s supposed to be red” 😭😭, his “good for her” when he found out that E2 Felicity is a badass mogul, to the OLICITY LOVE FERN on not-Felicity’s desk!!! Perfection!! 

Source: eloquence-of-felicities

Ugh and the scene with Oliver staring lovingly at Felicity and Mia’s photo...HFDSKGHFKJGHDSFKS NOT OK!!! 😭😭😭😭

Source: olicitygifs

Diggle

The Diggle ‘reveal’ was nostalgic perfection:

My live reaction 😂😂

Can I just say that I loved that he’d spoken with Felicity about Oliver, and gone after him. OTA for life!! I’d hoped that that would be the case, but you never can tell with these writers in recent seasons 😬 Dig is a master at advice-giving, and getting Oliver to see the big picture. Oliver needs a friend in this endeavour, and neither Felicity nor Dig would have him doing it alone. Dig’s purpose throughout the whole episode was pretty much to tell Oliver that he’s not alone, his death is not necessarily unavoidable, that he NEEDS TO ACCEPT FRACKING HELP (”that’s the thing about being brothers; you never, ever have to ask”😭😭), and that the whole reason that E2 has gone to crap was because Oliver was not there to protect it! 

In John Thomas Diggle we stan.  

FTA

Our FTA babies were back, and in the lair!! AHKASFHDSDAKF!!!  I loved the power struggle, with the team trying to find the right dynamic, before finally deciding to just make the Olicity baby the leader (duh), or moreover, Mia demanding that things be done her way from now on (apples, falling, tree?). 

Source: oliverxfelicity

William’s little comedic moments just popped. 

Source: olicitygifs

And then his delivery of a Felicity-worthy pep-talk to Mia had me falling infinitesimally more in love with him. This is the spin-off team we need to see!!

We finally met JJ Diggle who appears to be irredeemably (not likely) evil, and very handsome to boot, leading the Deathstroke Crew (baby Sara would have NEVER 😒😒). I was hoping for some Old Man Diggle, but alas we were not so lucky this week.  Much as I actually LOVE the flash-forwards, I did feel like they were a little shoehorned in in this episode. There was so much to unpack in the present story, that I kind of just wanted that to continue? 

Special Guests

From Moira’s first words I was crying.

Susanna Thompson continues to be outstanding as Moira, I love her! E2 Moira married Malcolm Merlyn, meaning we got John Barrowman back 😍😍, in a non-evil role (YAAASSSS!). Although there was no mention of Robert, given that we know on this Earth he returned from Lian Yu, and was later unmasked as the Green Arrow?? Anyway, this new Queen-Merlyn union officially made Oliver and Tommy brothers 😭😭 Oh btw.....TOOOOOMMMYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! AGSHAGFKJSAGFJKAG!!! Back, alive and kicking (literally) and gorgeous as ever. Ugh I just adore my Merlyn men 😍😍😍😍

Source: feilcityqueen

Tommy turning out to be the Dark Archer on this earth is all we had ever wanted to see!! Evil!Tommy is a thing of beautiful fanfiction dreams!! (I also lolled at the OTT, campy, cowering Malcolm, as Oliver realised it wasn’t him!) Not to mention this scene, that re-lit our Toliver flames in the most perfect way 🔥🔥

This moment was so good that I can just about forgive Oliver’s historically inaccurate non-shirtless state 😒😒 (strike 1)

In trying to track down the dwarf star shizzle at Queen-Merlyn Enterprises👀 , Oliver stumbles across the E2 GA who turns out to be ADRIAN CHASE!!  YAAASSSS!!!! It was great to have him back, in the growly S1 Oliver-esque fashion! E2 GA also enjoys the salmon ladder....Stephen really played us all when he told us that we’d see the salmon ladder in episode 1 😡😡 (strike 2 Steve, you’re on your last warning!) I loved Oliver’s little inside joke with himself when he said to Adrian “maybe I’m just 10 steps ahead of you” lolololol!!

Thea OD’d on Vertigo and passed away on E2, which was sad, but meaningful, as it spear-headed Tommy’s war on The Glades, much like Rebecca’s murder did for Malcolm on Earth 1. (Psst, it’s ok though, our Speedy’s back in a few weeks).

Superfluous Cast

Rene and Dinah remain disloyal rats on this Earth, and with no Oliver to mentor them, they turn out evil as well as incompetent and we got to see them taken into custody at the end of the episode...wah-wah-wahhh!! I would definitely be happy with this nice small amount of relevance/screen time for them moving forwards, please and thank you. Let’s let our boys shine for the last few outings!

Black Siren’s presence in the episode was thankfully small, and although she was saved in the end, presumably to go on to help Oliver and Dig (she kinda owes them now), I’m hoping that we continue with this minimal exposure, because, as much as I enjoyed her last season, with no Felicity to make her likeable, I’m not feeling her. I also laughed for a disproportionately long amount of time that her ‘iconic’ Pretty Bird moment that we all heard about beforehand came from Adrian, not her ‘Ollie’ 😂😂

That ending

Following on from the press previews and interviews leading up to the episode, there were comments along the lines of Oliver suffering a devastating loss, and that the Arrowverse would never be the same etc etc, regarding the end of the episode. Well...I have to say I just wasn’t as ‘shooketh’ or as moved by the ending as the previews implied I would be 😬 I mean of course the ending was awful; a whole Earth was erased, and Oliver having to see Moira/Tommy die at the end (especially after managing to redeem Tommy) must have been devastating for him in the moment, but the thing is, I’m not all that invested in Earth 2, so the magnitude of it didn’t really affect me that much. Maybe I’m just a cold-hearted bitch my heart has simply been irrevocably broken by 7x22. Anyway, I’m sure Oliver will be back and fighting fit again next week 😂

When MG, Beth and even Stephen had been throwing around the dreaded term ‘love letter to the fans’ I was more than scared about this season 😬 but the episode really did play out that way in my eyes, something I’m hoping that they are able to continue over the few remaining episodes. So yes, I lost my shit and (begrudgingly) loved this episode 😂😂 It was easier to deal with the lack of Felicity when they had thrown the (brand new, super high-spec) kitchen sink of guest stars at the episode. So it will be interesting to see how we fare over the next few episodes, where the guest stars won’t be such scene-stealers.

Thank you to the amazing gif-makers 💗💗💗 It’s so wonderful to see beautiful new scenes again! Any uncredited gifs are mine.

[annakie]

An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Seven

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Wherein we... talk to the crew. I didn’t quite make it off the ship.

Still, a lot of words.

Aka the nearly All-Gif update.

Didn’t get a chance to play ME at all this week, so I’m going to spend a few hours this weekend (double-checking to make sure screenshotting works :p) and have some real updates later.

So making it back to the ship from Therum, it’s time to talk to the crew.  I maybe could have gone and talked to them after getting on the ship after the Citadel, but they don’t really have any unique lines then so, I usually wait til now to go chat.

First, let’s talk to Liara.

The thing that sucks about talking to Liara (or Kaidan, or Ashley, if you don’t want to romance them) is, you know, the accidental romance.  Making “picking the Paragon-place choices = romance by default with NO WARNING” design was very Not Good.  They fixed this in later games, well moreso in Dragon Age games than ME, (and Andromeda is done very well for this) but still.  In ME3, the BackOff mod does a great job of making romance dialog more obvious and intentional.  

Liara’s dialog choices I feel like are even LESS obviously flirting I feel like than Ash and Kaidan’s.  Honestly with Liara’s most of the lines can be read and even said aloud as friendship then BOOM, all of a sudden she wants a threesome.  I choose middle dialog options whenever possible with Liara just to avoid this.  I’m not interested, never have been, don’t want Kaidan to think he has any competition.  But seriously, it’s poor game design here that you literally have to be a jerk to a companion at some points to avoid having them think you want to bang.   God, half of the reason I’d love a remaster would be to hopefully fix shit like this to avoid some of the pitfalls.  

I hate that some people use this as a reason to dislike these characters more.  And I’ll admit, in my early days as a ME fan, I held it against Liara, too, until I realized how dumb that is.  I especially hate it when you get to the “confrontation scene” and people use Kaidan not wanting to be in a threesome as a reason to dislike him more?  It’s not a bad thing to want to be monogamous?  (And of course, it’s not a bad thing to NOT want to be, assuming everyone is open and OK about it.)

I just prefer to not get that scene at all now, and to avoid “leading anyone on” accidentally etc.  My Shepard knows early on what she wants, and sticks with him all the way through.

I was going to talk more here about my feelings about Liara in general but uh, I guess I’ll do that later.  This is already really long.

Here’s a great post about how to avoid romancing Kaidan while being rude as little as possible to him.  

Well since he’s right outside the medbay anyway, let’s go talk to the LT.  

Have I mentioned how much I hate the orange glow?  

So anyway, I thought maybe I’d talk here a little bit about Why Kaidan?

I will point out here that I am mostly a hetero woman, so my choices in video game romances lean towards men first, though I’m also very cool with doing non-m/f romances in games, and often do on subsequent playthroughs of games I love, but that’s almost never gonna be my primary romance.

I’d already mentioned my love for Carth Onasi, one of the most hated companions in video games, If You’re A Guy.

By today’s standards, even the Carth romance isn’t that great.  But at the time, it was the greatest romance I’d experienced in video games.  There were a few others that were really good -- Valen Shadowbreath in Neverwinter Nights: Horde of the Underdark was the other really great one, but we also got nightmare fuel like Anomen in Baldur’s Gate (though that gets better with mods + the final BG expansion) or just under-written characters or romances like Casavir in NWN2 (who was much better with mods) or hell, either of your choices in KotOR2 imho.  But I used to play KotOR over and over for many reasons, such as holy shit a Star Wars game(!!) and one where you can actually be a female main character AND has that great Bioware storytelling... but a big reason was Carth.  

A funny thing about Carth Onasi... if you play a male main character, you have a very different experience with Carth than if you play a woman.  And even I can agree that hoo boy Carth gets tiresome quick if you play a male, as a female you at least get to flirt and that calms him down and evens him out a lot. But the one time I tried playing as a male, I didn’t make it off Taris because.. yeouch I could actually see what the guys playing were so mad about.

But hey, that voice.  Raphael Sbarge, I love that voice.  So like I said early on in these posts, I immediately knew I was going to romance Kaidan the very second I confirmed he was romancable, before I even ran back into the ship and met anyone on the crew aside from Joker and Kaidan.

And... that only got confirmed more and more as I went through ME for the first time.  The character is smart, and capable, and respected you, and never questioned your command, but made his feelings pretty clear along the way.  He could be a little doofy but in an adorable way with some of the things he said, honestly there was almost never anything I didn’t love about this character.

I realized some time ago that I have a thing for the Paladin archetype personally. 

This is Casavir, from Neverwinter Nights 2, and in NWN2, there are two romance options for women.  An under-written Lawful Good Paladin in his late 30′s who is willing to buck his superiors to do what he thinks is right but also places you on a pedestal and holds back all his emotions.  He’s a romance option. Or....

Bishop, a chaotic evil ranger who insults you a lot, threatens to rape an NPC under your protection, and ultimately betrays you.  

Most people who played NWN2 seemed to prefer the CE Ranger.  I loved the paladin so much I wrote fix-it fic that I never have gotten around to publishing anywhere to retcon his terrible dumb ending.

There’s a fan-made romance mod that helps with the romances in this game, though I dislike a lot of what they did, ultimately I always use it.

In Dragon Age?

Ah yeah, the Templar-Warden.  Love him.  He does have that “Oh I’m so young and experienced tee-hee” thing going on that isn’t my favorite, (at this point mostly because I’m actually in my mid-40′s so uh, I’m just Old) but otherwise, yeah, love Alistair.

Dragon Age 2, I mean I usually romance Anders but... I’m not real excited about either him or Fenris, or even either of the ladies, though I have done Isabella’s romance (as well as Fenris’) and enjoyed it.  I’d probably romance Avaline (or Varric!), if she were an option.  But yeah, Anders mostly because he IS trying to do what’s right, even if he... well.  You know.  

But Dragon Age Inquisition?

Give me that Blackwall-angst.  That stoic guy trying to be a Warden who comes undone for you.  You’d think I’d go for Cullen, but hey this game gave us two paladin archetypes, though one is merely pretending, he still atones and becomes what he was trying to be, one way or another, if you let him.  I picked this paladin archtype first because I did not like Cullen based on interactions with him in DA1 & 2.  I like him well enough in DA:I but Blackwall is my guy here.

Out of all the many, many companions in SWTOR, who’s my fave?

If Aric Jorgan isn’t a Paladin-type I don’t know who is, especially since any romanceable Jedi are uh, all your female padawans (don’t get me started) until Lana (also female) comes along. 

Hell, in a very long-running 4e D&D game I played from around 2009 to 2014 where my character fell in love with our party leader’s son, married him and fought the final boss 4 months pregnant with our twins.  That character’s husband... was a paladin.  I mean look at this art my friend picked out for his character’s son:

I mean dang, who (of those who are attracted to men of this type) wouldn’t?

I always pick the Paladin.  The guy who is gonna Do What’s Right no matter what it costs him, the guy who’s gonna be loyal, the guy who may bottle up his emotions or keep them under control all the time but ultimately does what it takes to get the girl... that’s my fave.  And that’s Kaidan.

I will also say my second fave archetype is rogue-with-a-heart-of-gold, and that’s more of a Garrus or Varric (if only he were a choice!!! :( ) type.. aka my second choice in these games.

Well that was a lot more words on that subject than I meant to do, so I’m going to just say real quick here that what I love about this first conversation with Kaidan is that he’s already no dummy, he knows something is up, and warns you about it.

We’ll save talk about his backstory for another day.

Let’s head downstairs.

Yay for sped-up elevators!  What used to take like 20 seconds now takes like, four.

URDNOT WREX.

This another place where Shepard starts out just sticking their foot in their mouths completely.  I feel like this is something the game definitely has problems with here.  Shepard should know a lot more about the Genophage, like they should have about say, Spectres, even if the player doesn’t. So basically every response you can give to Wrex about the genophage and what his people are going through sounds really insensitive.  Comparing the relatively minor First Contact War with the entire galaxy more or less uniting to keep the Krogan from taking over after the Rachni war seems pretty dumb, and also like something Shepard should already know.

Loredumping on the Krogans a bunch with Wrex is necessary, but  I think it could have been done better.  Though I think there are a lot of questions about the Krogan and the Genophage that ultimately are important but go unanswered. I’m going to be honest, because generally I want my companions to be happy and ultimately I want the happiest ending I can get, I usually cure the genophage and leave Wrex in charge.  But also I don’t think that ends up with the happiest ending for the galaxy.  Everything about the genophage is terrible, how it works, how it was administered, what it’s done to the Krogan as a people, but let’s be honest, the galaxy will also be in huge trouble just from a resources perspective if each krogan woman can have hundreds (or even just dozens) of babies a year, who are gonna all live a thousand years.  There’s got to be a compromise that, eventually, hopefully Wrex works out if he’s alive at the end of ME3 or the council figures out with Wreav or whoever.  

It is kinda funny though that here, I basically met Wrex at C-Sec, told him I’d help him with Fist, sent him to my ship, and basically just kidnapped him to go help with the rest of the mission.  He wanted to be here, right?  I can only assume I’m paying him a lot.

Ashley!

I do love Ashley Williams.

I’m not going to turn this into a “Is Ashley Racist” thinkpiece.  I’ve read a lot of both sides of this argument and no, I don’t think she is.  Some pieces of her attitude do need to be kicked up a bit, for sure.  She’s got about the same issues with aliens as most of the species of the galaxy have with each other, which sometimes isn’t great, but she’s far from supporting Terra Firma.

She’s smart, she’s funny, a hell of a shot, she’s being held back due to her family name.  I would love for if someday a Wilshenko OT3 were possible.  I’d do that in an instant.  I despise the fact that you can only keep Kaidan forever if you lose Ashley forever, though I don’t see that changing even in a remaster.  Please Bioware, for the super ultra remaster?

I know I need to do another run through the game with Ashley alive. I don’t remember too much of what happens in ME3 when she’s there.

I also love that her story is so much one of family.  From her stories of her sisters, to the point that it’s her own grandfather’s legacy that’s holding her back.  She’s so grounded, she reminds us that there are civilians out there we’re keeping safe, a whole world we rarely see, up in space and in the middle of so much military conflict.

GARRUS.

First of all, whew Garrus looks amazing in the lighting and with the textures with ALOT/MEUITM.  Very handsome.

Interestingly, Garrus does not really loredump on the turians.  We absorb a lot of what we find out about the turians more naturally.  Garrus is more all about C-Sec and the general politics of the Council, of Spectres, of C-Sec.  Gonna be honest, I expected C-sec to play into the game as a whole a lot more than it did based on Garrus’ talks about it.  I mean it was always there, but Bailey ends up being the face of C-Sec 

Garrus’ Law vs. I Do What I Want attitude is a nice way to do a non-goody-two-shoes companion story without having to go evil.  I love that Garrus’ story kinda mirrors our own as players, how are we going to get things done?  Shove a blaster in people’s faces, accept collateral damage, and do whatever it takes to get it done?  OR play by the rules, compromise, and see if that fixes things.

The thing is though, Mass Effect actually is great at giving us the illusion of choice without making a huge difference in the end.  Like I mentioned before... not bringing Garrus to ME1 makes little difference in how he acts in ME2 outside of a few lines of dialog.  Lots of things are like that, like pick Ash or Kaidan on Virmire, and yes one is always gone, but 80% of the content is basically the same from there on out for either character.

There are games out now that do that choice better.  Pathfinder: Kingmaker is one I can think of.  Or Tyranny.  Things you choose can alter the endings of those games drastically, locking entire paths out of the game.  

I used to think that was what I wanted.  Until I played Kingmaker and locked myself out of things I really wanted without realizing it.  I stopped playing the game, sad that my LI dumped me and wouldn’t come back without reloading many, many hours worth of game.  Despite enjoying the game overall, I still haven’t gone back.  When I do play again, I’ll probably keep a lot of tabs open of walkthroughs and tips on how to keep things going how I want.  Kind of defeating the purpose of the game.

Anyway, I got super off track again.  The point is, Garrus is the companion that gives us the most Choice in who he is.  Which is cool.  He illustrates our Paragon vs Renegade dilemma.  And it’s neat that it does make changes in some of the things he says in the future, but overall, his story doesn’t change much no matter what you do (Unless you, ya know, get him killed in ME2).

And therein lies a problem with Mass Effect, and video games as a whole.  It’s neat to see the little changes, but it’s rare for anything to be an actual Big Change, because... that’s a loooot of work for a developer and how much more money is all that going to cost him.

At some point in the future I’ll point out how lucky we are for what we did get, though.

Heeeey it’s Chief Engineer Greg Adams!  I wonder how many people don’t even know he has a first name?  Anyway, thank you for your one short conversation in which you explain how the Normandy works (honestly, great job with explaining this, Bioware, even if the science is ???) and like three sentences on who you are.  Wasted opportunity to give you an actual character.  Glad you like Tali, though!  See you in ME3.

TALI!

Okay, I will totally accept that Shepard doesn’t know much past the basics of quarian society.  That makes a lot more sense than Shepards not knowing much about asari.  

The quarians are so much more of an original creation I feel like than a lot of what we’ve seen in the galaxy so far.  Krogan?  Basically Klingons.  Turians?  Space Romans. Asari?  Twilek/Space Elves but ALL Hot Ladies.  Qarians feel like something new though.

I mean, I guess before they had to live in suits they were pretty normal, but their entire culture doesn’t feel like something we’ve seen everyplace before.  I mean I’ve seen space (g-slur)  but, eh not really.  

And Tali herself is such a good character.  I mean, she does suffer a little from being Very Important with her father being one of five admirals in a population of six million people but, I’ll allow it.  Nobody else on the crew has Very Important Parents.  I mean Garrus’ father is a little high up in the ranks but that’s a non-factor, Ash’s grandfather was but he’s dead and never seen, Wrex’s father is a chieftan but none of those is central to their current story or as big as this one. I mean, Spacer Shep’s own mother is a captain of a ship.  Tali herself in-game isn’t that sexualized -- most of that was the fandom’s doing.  She’s young but also confident and has her shit together.  

She shoulda been a same-sex romance in ME2/3 though, damnit!

Joker. Is. Amazing. And uh, also shoulda been a romance option. 

Hey first of all, how great was it that they put in disabled representation in this game.  I have read a few posts on how it could have been better, and definitely agree, but it’s also been so important to have say, Geordi LaForge as chief engineer of the Enterprise and also Joker here, in space, being awesome on spaceships.  And he really earns his the right to his bravado in calling himself the best pilot in the galaxy.  

Also?  Casting Seth Green was such a great choice.  I couldn’t imagine Joker as anyone else.  I mean this is Bioware so we expect, and definitely got, great voice acting (except for... ugh you know, we’ll get there in ME3) but honestly Seth Green was a particularly good choice.  I don’t care that he’s covered with sixteen layers of plot armor, he deserves it.

He’s the companion that we don’t ever get to take in the squad.  (I mean, except for that brief amazing moment in ME2)

I only wish in ME1 he had as much to say as in ME2/3.  At least he gets cool snarky lines after all the major missions.

One last thing before we get off the ship for awhile, I love that the crew is actually comprised of both men AND women in ME1.  With different hairstyles and faces, and even skin tones.  It’s nice to see they didn’t just reuse the same guy over and over for the nameless NPCs.  

Well, I guess they get names in ME2. :v

Anyway, I would like to point out, that there are seventeen nameless NPCs on the Normandy.

Then there’s Adams, Tali, Garrus, Wrex, Ashley, Kaidan, Chakwas, Liara, Pressley, and Joker.

That’s twenty-seven people and eight sleep pods.  Let’s remove the aliens, who couldn’t fit in a sleep pod (Garrus and Wrex), twenty-five people.  Are there people sleeping in the sleep pods now?  There must be, right?  Everyone can’t be awake when we’re on the ship just because we’re there?  How does that math add up?  Who is sleeping where, HOW DOES IT WORK!?  

Well, that’s their problem. I got my own bed.  Kaidan can share.

Also just... don’t get me started on how stupid this is.  I mean it’s nice having a shop on the ship but... the justification is terrible.  We all know it.  He was counted as one of the 17 nameless, btw.

Okay well, I was going to get off the ship this update but this is already stupid long and honestly I don’t have too much more content to post so, I’m gonna go actually play this game!

[the--sad--hatter]

Name Calling (18)

FANDOM - MARVEL MCU

PAIRING - BUCKY X READER (female reader, no physical descriptions)

WARNINGS - ALL OF THEM, SMUT, VIOLENCE ANGST

DESCRIPTION -  In which the ongoing and bloody war of words between you and Bucky turns in your favor when a disgruntled one night stand of his lets slip a secret when you run into her in the elevator… Now you have all the ammunition you need to destroy your enemy but you don’t plan on killing him quickly. Oh no, Bucky Barnes was going to suffer and you were going to enjoy every second. You just didn’t count on how much you would enjoy it.

MASTERLIST

Chapter Eighteen - The Way She Makes Me Feel

Bucky was trembling with rage. The catering company lead had been a bust. The security camera’s had picked up a hooded figure handing the book to the caterer but between the camera’s and the witness there were no identifying features other than it was a white male, early to late 30’s, 5’10 to 6ft tall.

“Docherty probably hired somebody to give the book to the caterer. Even if we found him, we’d probably just be chasing down a line of unaware people. He’s not going to make this easy for us.” Steve told him despondently.

Bucky sighed, he knew Steve was right but he had hoped he would have something a little more concrete to tell her. As they trudged back to the quinjet in defeat he allowed his mind to go where it had been desperate to go all day.

That kiss.

He hadn’t planned on it, he had only intended to assure her he wasn’t mad at her but it had just happened. He had looked down at her laughing face, eyes bright and shining with relief and amusement and he had realised that he desperately wanted to kiss her again. He knew it was a risk, she might push him away and hit him. She could have laughed in his face. But she didn’t, she kissed him back with fervour. She’d run her hands up his chest and felt his heart thundering under her palm, she’d pushed her hands into his hair and gently tugged at the strands when he nipped at her lip. She’d opened her mouth and let him entwine his tongue with hers. She had taken everything he offered and given it back with equal desire.

It had taken every ounce of self control he had to pull back and let her breathe. He wanted to keep her out there on the balcony, safely ensconced in his arms all night but had reluctantly escorted her back inside to her party. She had been snatched away from him almost straight away by Thor who had shoved a flask into her hands while Sam, Darcy and Steve had chanted at her to drink. He wanted to whisk her away and have her, all of her to himself but the more he watched her laugh and dance the more calm he felt. Seeing her joyous like that had made him happy.

For months he had told himself he hated her and it hadn’t been a lie but the more time he spent with her the more she got under his skin.

When the journalists had assailed her outside the tower and he had seen her shrink in on herself, terrified he had seen a softness in her he hadn’t known was there. And when she had come to him after, filled with rage and demanding he sparred with her it had lit a fire in his blood. She had beaten him, executing a flawless move that had taken his breath away in it’s efficiency and brutality.

When he had seen Vernichtung he had realised how wrong about her he was because one look at that monster was enough to make him see how different she was from the beast inside her. The pain she had felt at what that monster had done had broken his heart and when that bullet pierced her chest he felt like it had also pierced his.

That night in the kitchen when she had tenderly pressed the ice pack to his cheek his heart had fluttered in his chest and he’d felt hopeful that maybe she didn’t hate him. The calm and serenity of that moment had stayed with him all night and for the first time in a long time he had slept long and deep, unplagued by nightmares.

The moment she had agreed to go on a date with somebody else bile had risen in his throat and he had been bitterly reminded that he couldn’t have her. When he had seen her in her dress in the hallway it was like someone had dumped ice cold water over him such was the shock when he had realised then just how badly he actually wanted her. When she had ripped a man twice her size through the sunroof of a car and carved his tooth out with a knife he knew he shouldn’t have found it quite so attractive but the ferocity she had shown had ignited something carnal in him.

And the she had fought him, desperate to escape. Even shoving his own knife into his shoulder and his anger and lust had boiled over, mingling together and clouding his mind. He had kissed her before even considering what he was doing. For a few glorious moments she had kissed him back and then came the betrayal. He had wanted to hate her for it and for a few hours he had, until he saw the depths of depravity in the soul of the man she was trying to keep him away from. When he had seen her mother dying in that church it had hit him, the real monster wasn’t Vernichtung, it was Docherty. And she had known that from the beginning. She had drugged him, betrayed him and left him behind because she was protecting him.

She was brave to a fault, unwavering in the face of danger. She would do anything she had to do without flinching to protect the people around her. She was soft and sweet and ferocious and violent all at the same time. He had spent so long fuming at her getting under his skin that he hadn’t realised she had found her way into his heart.

“Earth to Bucky...” Steve called, waving a hand in front of his face.

Bucky was surprised to see they were already back at the quinjet.

“You ok Buck?” Steve asked him.

“Yeah pal, I’m fine.”

“You sure? I know you were hoping we’d catch a lead out here.”

“We’ll get him, he’s going to slip up eventually and then we’ll have him.” Bucky vowed.

“You’re pretty invested in this. I knew you’d do what you could to help, you’re a good man but you’re really going above and beyond the call of duty for someone you hate.”

“I don’t hate her.” Bucky said with a weary sigh.

He’d wasted so long thinking he did and he was done. She was still the most infuriating person he had ever met and she made his temper flare like nobody else but he did not hate her.

“That’s great Buck, I’m so relieved. Because I was thinking..”

“A dangerous pastime.”

“Shut up jerk. That date I took her on, it was nice. Really nice. I hadn’t really thought of her in that way before then but now I am. Do you think I should take her out again?”

Bucky’s head snapped up as he felt his heart sink to his stomach. He wanted her but this was Steve. His best friend and the best person he knew. How could he compete with Captain America, even if he could bring himself to try?

“Oh. You and her? You like her?” He asked through the lump in his throat.

“Yeah. She’s pretty amazing don’t you think?” Steve replied.

“Yeah, yeah she is.” Bucky said wistfully.

She really was amazing, the most amazing woman he’d met. And she deserved someone like Steve, the only person with a heart as big as hers. He was broken out of his musings by Steve’s sniggering.

“You’ve really got it bad for her don’t ya pal? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this doll dizzy.” Steve laughed.

“Me? I thought you said you wanted to ask her out?” Bucky was lost.

“Wanted to see if you’d finally figured out how you felt about her. Glad to see you’ve cottoned on at last.” Steve grinned.

“You knew?”

“You’ve been my best friend for decades. Of course I knew.” Steve said with a shrug.

“Is that why you went on a date with her?”

“No. I did that for her. The fact it made you jealous was just a bonus. Your face in the elevator when she called you out for being jealous though, that was priceless.”

“I can’t believe everybody thinks you’re some kind of paragon of virtue and justice. You’re a little shit.” Bucky snapped.

“Don’t get mad at me because you were blind to your own feelings. It’s been exhausting watching you two tear each other to shreds, waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Steve said in exasperation.

Bucky couldn’t even be mad. Steve was right, he had been a blind idiot.

“I kissed her.” Bucky admitted.

“How’d she respond?”

“Which time?”

“How many times have you kissed her?” Steve asked indignantly.

“See, you don’t know everything Rogers.” Bucky smirked.

“Bucky.” Steve whined petulantly.

“Twice. I kissed her twice. First time was after she stabbed me. She tranquillized me mid kiss.”

Steve looked scandalised.

“Don’t give me that look, I remember when Peggy shot at you.” Bucky pointed out.

Steve smiled wistfully at the memory.

“She makes me feel alive Stevie, even when she’s shouting at me. Especially when she’s shouting at me. Everything’s a little brighter, more intense when I’m around her. The whole world just seems like more than it was the day before you know? She’s there and suddenly my heart beats faster, my blood runs quicker and I just feel so alive.” Bucky told him, frustrated he couldn’t find the words to express it properly.

“You’re in love with her.” Steve said with wonder, clapping him on the shoulder.

“Yeah, I think I am. I really think I am.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Short bonus chapter where we check in on Bucky and Steve before Baby Starks first solo mission

@nerdandproud-86 @harrison-shot-first@chook007@thejourneyneverendsx@thelostallycat@inquisitor-selvala@the-corruptor @iovher@kendrawr-kitkat@phoenix-whiskey-tears @the–real-wombat@buckitybarnes@fairislesheets@angieptt@meganjonezzzz

@dugan365 @fluffeh-kitty@memanda17@krystallynx@theonelittleone

@piscesbarnes @free-as-fishes@tarastudiesalot@captainamericasbeard

[lhs3020b]

Post Mortem

I promised some thoughts on the nightmarish debacle that has happened. Here they are.

TL;DR I am scathing about everything. Everyone who should have helped us, failed.

It's the morning after. They've won. Continuity Remain is dead; there isn't going to be any second referendum and Article 50 won't be revoked. You cannot imagine how I feel right now, typing those words. However, I have never sought to deny reality (however lovely denial might be) and reality is what it is. We've lost a referendum and two general elections; we're finished. There is no come-back from this. The country has made a sick, twisted, greedy, myopic and stupid decision - but that's the decision it's made. I have nothing good to say for what happened, except that it did happen.

Well, let's look at the one tiny silver lining: since the ship has now sailed, I can indulge my deep, seething pool of vitriol for our collection of useless opposition parties. I'd held back previously because I didn't want to add to the circular firing squad. But they've all shot each other now and the corpses have largely stopped twitching. So off we go. (Before we start, I won't be writing about CUK/TiG/Change-UK, because they were just annoying, and I can't be arsed. I think we've all spent enough time on that shower of idiots.)

Here's the core reason for why I'm so angry: all this was completely avoidable. The media will, of course, spin BoJo's victory as a paragonic triumph of political conservatism. Like that infamous Pravda article from the 30s, on the Soviet constitution, they'll fawn over BoJo and declare him a visionary and a victor, a veritable genius of the ages, dripping with lyricism and wit. He isn't. He's an over-promoted buffoon who lucked into the top office due to the self-destruction of his inept predecessor, aided and abetted by a lying and sycophantic media - and, by a collection of opposition parties whose sole interest was in fighting each other.

Here we have the real core problem. The people on our side only switch on for fighting each other. There's little sign that they actually really care about Brexit, or the wider state of the UK. But pursuing partisan vendettas against each other? Wheeeeeeeeeee!

Let's think back to the summer, when BoJo was faced with stalling polls and a hung parliament. He could have been ousted then - but, of course, the Lib Dems were adamant that they couldn't countenance the idea of Mr Corbyn as Prime Minister. They'd had this tendency for a while - it's not new - but it accelerated and was nurtured under Jo Swinson.

When she was elected as leader I was initially a bit sympathetic - it seemed reasonable to give her a chance. Unfortunately, it turned out that she might be the most rightwing leader they've ever had - I actually suspect now that she might be to the right of Clegg. And she went and turbocharged all of their most self-destructive tendencies. I think what she thought she was doing was clawing Tory Remainers off of the Tories. This ran into two problems; 1) there weren't that many Tory Remainers to begin with and b) most of them are more Tory than they are Remain. So they mostly stayed put, and they few who did leave (thank you, to those of you that did) just weren't enough. Meanwhile, the hard-right tilt scared off the Lib Dem's left-leaning supporters.

A while back I predicted they'd lose seats at this election; I'm sad to have been proved right. I am, however, grimly-amused that Swinson herself lost her seat. The other problem with Swinson's rampany anti-Corbynism was that it partially demobilised continuity!Remain. A lot of people sensed that she was more anti-Corbyn than anti-Brexit; that also implied no plausible chance of an anti-Brexit coalition. Hoenstly, given how overt and personal the vitriol between her and Corbyn got, it's hard to see how it could ever have worked. And there's no point voting for something that you know is impossible. I do wonder if maybe this switched some left-leaning people off, or perhaps even sent a few ditherers back to the Tories (under the assumption that any sort of government is better than no government, I suppose).

As for the Lib Dem campaign, it was a mess. At one point their leader went on air to deny killing squirrels (yes, seriously, this actually happened). She got all excited about thermonuclear genocide at one point, because that's not at all weird and creepy, amirite?! Then there was the bizzarity that was "skills wallets" (don't ask - basically, the sort of policy abortion that happens when a collection of wonks are locked in a room with a boxed set of the West Wing and too much cocaine).

[OK, I'll expand this one. Briefly, skills wallets were a weird continuing-adult-education idea, where you'd have a pot of money that you could access at certain ages, apparently to take some kind of training or re-education or something. Why the ages in question, why that amount of money, and why not just make adult-ed free at the point of use, were never really explained. Then there was the can of worms that was additional voluntary contributions - what I took away from this was it was the adult-ed version of pensions auto-enrollment. I spent the last four years fighting a corrupt auto-enrollment fund, so I have strong feelings here!]

As for general themes, really, the LD campaign didn't have one. There was a lot of "Corbyn, THE MONSTER, the monster, Corbyn!". And, kind of oddly, there wasn't actually that much about Brexit. It actually didn't figure very strongly in their campaign. You came away from watching it all with a) a bad taste in your mouth and b) a nagging feeling that these people didn't know what they were doing.

To be fair to them, their vote share did go up, a bit - from 7.4% in 2017 to 11.4% yesterday. Which is, uh, not exactly dizzying. And it seems to have happened in all the wrong places, so they still managed to lose seats overall.

OK, we've gawped at the piss-stained ashes of the old Liberal Party, lying in state where some eggregious family-member has dumped them, on a roadside verge in the middle of nowhere. (Perhaps some enterprising squirrel has buried a nut amongst them.) Let's move onto the other vast, soul-sucking black hole of despair, also know as the Labour and Co-operative Party.

Oh dear god. The Labour Party.

The Labour Party is Britain's perennial second party, and nothing that happened last night challenged its second-place status. Their vote share dropped by 7.8 percentage points on 2017; this is what produced the Tory landslide, essentially. The Tory vote went up a little, by about 1 point, but otherwise stayed largely flat on 2017. This time, though, Labour collapsed. They lost a swathe of seats across the country, including places like Bolsover and Blyth Valley, which were previously rock-solid.

What went wrong? Everything. Basically, the stars aligned against us, in every single way.

First of all, Labour's campaign was dogged by the antisemitism scandal. And you know what? It was bloody well right that it did. The leadership dealt with antisemitism by ... doing nothing. Anyone who tried to raise the issue instead would get "Corbyn outriders" dumping on them on Twitter. Apparently we're suddenly not allowed to be concerned about racism on the Left anymore? Frankly, fuck that.

What they should have done was a quick-and-brutal party purge, perhaps early in 2018, when there was still time. Take some initiative, get control of the narrative again, and get rid of people who are only going to shit all over your campaign. But, uh, no. That didn't happen. I'll note that the Chris Williamson show in particular went on far, far longer than it should have.

Then we come to Brexit itself. Corbyn spent three years equivocating on the issue. OK, I'll allow that in hindsight, perhaps strategic ambiguity made some sense back in 2017 (though note that they still lost that election too). It didn't by 2019. But Corbyn was still trying to stand in the middle of the road as late as the summer - and by doing so inadvertently opened up political space for the (brief) Lib Dem revival, which in turn shunted Labour onto the defensive. And as I believe Paddy Ashdown once said, if you stand in the middle of the road, you get hit by traffic.

Eventually, the Labour leadership reluctantly adopted a second referendum position, but by then the damage was done. Basically, Corbyn had convinced Leavers that he was a Remainer, and Remainers that he was a Leaver. Labour appears to have lost votes about evenly across both Remain/Leave areas(!). In a way, he actually did unite the country - just against him. Ooops.

The rest of Labour's prospectus was a mess this year. Home Office reform was de-emphasized (arbitrary deportation by the Home Office is a huge concern amongst ethnic minorities). Drugs-law reform seems to have fallen off the agenda. There was no obvious theme to the campaign - surprising given that 2017's "For the Many" theme did cut across. Instead the "offer", such as it was, appeared to be a largely-incoherent grab-bag of spending promises, some of them with very large headline numbers. (The £58 billion for the WASPI pensions thing stands out there.) A lot of people simply didn't believe the country could afford it. You don't vote for things that you fear will bankrupt you.

Also, in a way, there's a parallel to the skills wallets thing here. Labour would have been better off, I think, just doing something straightforward like saying, "If elected we'll raise disability, sickness and unemployment benefits by £x per week, and we'll get rid of the ATOS fit-for-work assesments". It would have the advantages of simplicity, clarity and a clear political theme. Instead we got this weird fiscal machine that would produce some of those effects, except via a complicated multi-part kludge (which probably wouldn't even work properly anyway). I don't know how this came about; presumably it was an after-effect of one of the party's unending internal power-struggles.

Corbyn himself is a controversial figure, from his past associations with the IRA (more vague than the press would have you believe, but still a drag on the doorstep) to the perception of socialist extremism. Again, let me note that the "but he's a Communist, because that starts with 'C' too!" stuff is disingenuous, but this perception exists, and the Party have not found any apparent way to challenge it. Honestly? If your candidate is a ship that's holed below the waterline, yes it is horribly-unfair and all the rest of it, but you do need to run someone else. (I see no point softening that punch ; while Corbyn's been leader, the whole UK has voted 4 times, at 2 general elections, 1 referendum and 1 EU Parliament election. Every time, Labour has bombed. It's hard not to see a pattern here.)

Finally, the Labour Party itself has failed to ever re-unite. It's effectively two political parties in one - or possibly three, depending on how you want to look at Momentum. On a fair day with a strong wind, the Parliamentary portion sometimes manages to move just-about-consistently, but nothing else seems to have that behaviour. Honestly I suspect a lot of people's real fear about a Labour government is not that it would be a socialist tyranny, but rather that it would implode within about six months. Labour has lost its way amongst a storm of factional infighting. To be fair to Corbyn, this isn't new. Ed Milliband's desperate tenure was derailed by internal struggles. Even the 1997-2010 period had the ongoing squabbles between Brownites and Blairites (remember them?).

So yeah, Labour's campaign was an absolute shambles this year, and the whole country is suffering now for that.

Lastly, let's have a quick look at the Green Party. Where were they this year? With Extinction Rebellion making headlines, the Amazon burning, Australia on fire and weather records being smashed everywhere - remember that day when we had summer back in February? - it should have been the Greens' year. Environmental concerns are going up in salience - people are starting to get genuinely worried. And, uh, where were they? I can't recall hearing a single peep from the Green Party during the election. Whatever it was they were doing, it seems to have completely failed to capitalise on the moment. Perhaps they should have been a bit more visible.

The only people who come out of this with any credit are the SNP. I haven't heard anything teeth-grinding about them - though, that might just be because I live in southern England.

Oh, and let's take a final kick in the teeth, shall we? If you add up the shares of the votes received by pro-second-referendum parties ... guess what it comes to? Yup: 52%, versus 48% for the pro-Brexit parties. 52/48 - aaaaargh! Yet, the 48% had a narrative that kept their vote all in one place, so they won an absolute majority at Westminster. Ours got scattered to the four winds by several separate inept campaigns and several useless party leaders. Had there been a second referendum, we could have won it. But we never got the chance, because everyone supposedly on our side were completely, perfectly, useless.

Sigh :(

[firesoulstuff]

Frozen in Time

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21972862

Sara can’t take much more of this.

Some paragons they are. How are they supposed to save the multiverse when there isn’t even one universe left to save?

They’ve been here at The Vanishing Point for a few days now, sort of, without the passage of time it’s really hard to tell, even more so than on The Waverider. So far they haven’t done much more than fight with each other – namely Lex - and sulk. It started off quick enough, with Kate punching him across the face. Barry and Kara managed to hold her back initially after that, but at some point Lex shot his mouth off in the wrong place at the wrong time and Kate straight up pushed him off the ledge of the base. Sara is telling herself Kate had seen the rather large piece of wreckage suspended right underneath and realized Lex wouldn’t have fallen more than a few feet. However he didn’t fall, because time doesn’t move here, so he became suspended in the atmosphere like every other piece of crap floating around. He got back eventually, but now that they know pushing him like that won’t hurt him he has become a bit of an emotional punching bag, especially for Kara.

That’s what Sara is walking away from right now, actually. For as smart as Lex supposedly is he still can’t seem to figure out when to stop talking, and Kara has just flung him out into orbit for a second time today.

If yesterday ever ended, that is, which technically it didn’t. Technically, here, no day ever ended.

Not even the worst one.

She has done everything in her power over past… almost four years, damn. It really has been awhile.

Anyway, she’s done whatever she can to keep herself from thinking about that day. Time had helped, but now there is no time. This moment is frozen, and aftermath of everything which happened within it has remained as fresh and constant, the way it will until somebody changes it.

It seems as though The Legion of Doom did a little sweeping and some other light housekeeping in the areas they were using. Thoughtful.

The deeper parts of The Vanishing Point, however, are still suspended in distress.

She can tell she’s getting closer to the heart of maze of rooms by the amount of damage still living. Lights are still flickering, practically begging to be either put out or changed. Sparks are still exploding from semi-live wires. Water is even still dripping from pipes.

She wonders how things like those never run out, even trapped eternally in the same moment. Maybe they reset, the same drop of water plopping against the ground over and over again.

By now she’s come to what is by far her least favorite area in the entire base: The Oculus Wellspring.

The last time she was here she tried to come in and pay respects… but she couldn’t. She wasn’t strong enough. The cold feel of this room, the sight of all the rubble scattered about everywhere; it had made her want to collapse into a fit of tears.

Mick… He had been strong enough. He had walked right up the remainder of the ramp to what had once housed The Oculus and he stood before the biggest pile of crushed rubble and paid respects.

“Get him out of here!” Leonard’s words had rung in her head. Savage wasn’t coming for them any more, and there were no Time Master, but there was The Legion. So she’d pulled him away.

She told him it was what Snart would’ve wanted, and true he had ordered her that, but still… it had been more for her own benefit.

She still wants to collapse into a fit of tears, maybe more this time than last, but she owes it to him, she owes it to Mick, to pay some respects.

The Wellspring Chamber is in the worst shape of the entire Vanishing Point. Huge piles of rock and dust lay everywhere, none of it really quite settled, and all over the room carries a chill of death.

Walking into the chamber her white boots pick up black dust, and instantly she knows its ash. The nothingness remains of the Time Masters who had fought to their bitter end. The Time Masters and…

She exhales slowly.

She makes her way up the ramp, which is in surprisingly good shape with all things considered, and squats down just in front of the enormous pile of rock and molten metal at it’s platform.

“Hey Crook.” She says softly, her voice already thick and on the verge of cracking. “So um… I just wanted to let you know… We uh… We lost the world.”

She pauses to wipe a tear off her cheek, and then presses on.

“It wasn’t the mission against Savage. We won that, thanks to you. You know, I think you did so, so much more for history than every other Legend put together. The things we’ve seen happen…. None of it would’ve been possible with Oculus in play.”

She shutters and presses a hand to her mouth, sniffling as her voice finally gives in to the tears and their moisture fills her words.

“You saved everyone. And me… I lost them, Snart. I lost them. We all did. We couldn’t do it without you.”

And that, she realizes bitterly, is probably very true. Snart would’ve been suspicious of Lyla from the moment she went missing, if not from the moment she showed up in the first place. He would’ve handled Lex straight away, kept a close eye on him and stolen that damned book before he even laid his eyes on it; never mind his hands. He would’ve had a plan, or at the very least he would’ve been able to come up with a plan now.

With every thought, every “would have” that passes through her head she loses more and more control over her tears. She sobs violently and it’s only a matter of time before her balance falters and she shoots out a hand to catch herself on the pile of rubble. What she grasps is a loose rock, and it gives way under her sudden pressure so she grips further down the pile. Still sobbing she wipes at her eyes and blinks them open, and when she does her vision fixes on something in the rubble.

She can’t tell what it is at first. All her mind will process is a red blob. But she looks closer, forces her mind to see the object clearly, and when she realizes what it is she nearly chokes on her own tears.

A blood streaked hand.

A body; Leonard’s body.

That’s what she knows, logically, it is. Even if the assassin part of her brain is telling her blood shouldn’t even still be visible after nearly four years, never mind red, and the time traveling Captain part of her brain is saying time doesn’t move here, she won’t listen to those parts. After everything, after all she’s lost, she won’t hope for the impossible.

What she will do is get to her feet and dig away at the rubble. She uses the sudden rush of irrational, hopeful, adrenalin to aid her in toppling the biggest rock over the edge of the platform. She digs away at the rest, pushing and shoving bits of rock and seething through her teeth when she touches the metal bits and they are still white hot, but she shoves them away anyway. She is aware that as she goes she is exposing bits and pieces of torn cloth and cut up limbs, but it is only after she removes one final chunk of large stone that she gasps at the sight before her.

Leonard.

Battered, broken, bloody, Leonard.

She has to know. She thinks she does, as he has to be dead, even if his blood is still glistening bright. She reaches for his neck, her breath held tight in her chest, preparing to be met with nothing.

Thump, thump.

A pulse.

He’s alive.

It feels like all of the oxygen leaves her body in one punch, and until it returns all she can do is stare at Leonard.

Leonard. Alive. Under so much rubble that she hasn’t been able to move yet.

By now logic and strategy are starting to work their way back into her thought process. Even if she can remove all of the remaining rubble from him, moving the bigger pieces on her own will likely cause more harm than good. Then, even if it doesn’t do more harm, how much good will it really do? He won’t heal on his own, and she can’t do the impossible.

Fortunately, there is someone still alive who can.

“BARRY!”

She sprints down the halls of the base, shouting the name over and over again as she does. She runs all the way back to what used to be a garden, to where she last left most of the group arguing over the ethical vs. tactical advantages and disadvantages to killing Lex.

“BARRY!”

She catches sight of Barry, and everyone else for that matter, turning to look at her as she comes tearing down the path. She skids to a stop right in front of Barry; heaving her breath in and out all while trying to find the words to tell him that Leonard is alive.

“Sara?” He asks, hovering close to her.

“The Oculus chamber.” She pants. “Leonard. He’s alive.”

She sees Barry’s eyes turn wide, and the next thing she knows she feels his arms wrapped around her and wind racing through her hair. It’s only a fraction of a second later that they’re back in The Oculus chamber, Barry standing next to her and gaping dumbly at Leonard lying in a pulverized heap of rock and metal.

There’s another gust of wind and the others all appear, minus Lex of course. Barry turns to the group, and Sara notes that his face is serious and grave… but there is a touch of hope.

“Help us get him out of there.”

They manage, albeit, not easily. Kate handles the piping hot metal; turns out her gloves are prepared for events like that. Sara’s own hands are stilling glowing red with burns and so she allows Kara to cool them down whilst J’onn works on the heavier pieces of rubble. It’s really only one overly large piece left – right across Leonard’s chest - and soon as it’s removed they can actually hear Leonard exhale in relief. He doesn’t wake up, but still, it’s more confirmation that he’s alive.

Barry and J’onn drag him down the ramp, and following an instinct Sara gets to her knees and ushers for them to prop him against her.

“Ok,” Kate says, “I don’t know who this guy is, but he isn’t going to last much longer with these injuries.”

“He will here.” Barry says, “Time not moving is what’s kept him alive. It’s like he’s in a stasis, like all the lights and the water. He doesn’t get better, but he doesn’t get worse.”

“Ok.” Kara says, her hands settling onto her hips as she starts to think. “So when we defeat the Anti-Monitor-”

“If.” Kate chimes in.

“When.” Kara stresses, glaring. “When we defeat the Anti-Monitor and bring everybody back, we can bring The Waverider here and put him in the med-bay. In the meantime he’ll be fine, right?”

Sara hates to think what she is, she really does, but Leonard is here with his head in her lap and literally hanging on to his last breath. She won’t risk losing him again.

“We don’t know if that will be possible.” She says, giving voice to her terrible thoughts. “Even if we do defeat The Anti-Monitor, we can’t be sure it’ll bring back anything that we’ve lost.”

“Sara-”

“And even if it does.” She presses on, ignoring Kara and that pleading look in her eyes. “We can’t be sure it’ll be everything. We might only get back some of it, and even if we can get it all back I’m not sure even The Waverider could fix this.”

That’s a hard one to admit, but it’s true. As miraculous as The Waverider’s med bay can be, there are some things beyond even its capabilities. Ultimately she would’ve died from that bullet from trader Rip without Stein; in fact she did for a few minutes. Kendra would have died from that dagger shard had it not been for Ray, the med-bay had only allowed them to find it. And Carter… Stein… There had been no saving them.

She looks down at Leonard and how beat up he is. He’s bleeding from virtually everywhere, his left hand practically shredded down to the bone; and those bones are broken and visible. His clothes are torn and the skin beneath the holes is nothing but peeling blisters. His pulse – which Sara is keeping two fingers pressed to – is weak. Present, but weak. He’ll die the second he leaves The Vanishing Point, med-bay or no.

“Maybe I can.” Barry says, stepping forward.

Sara looks up at him with a thousand questions and protests in her mind, most of them likely written on her face as well. Barry, in turn, doesn’t look half as confident as he sounds but he squats next to her anyways, his eyes roaming every inch of Leonard’s body before they finally meet hers.

“When The Flash from Earth-90 gave himself to save us, he temporarily stole my speed so I wouldn’t be able to follow him.”

He takes a moment, looking to Leonard and then back at her, desperate.

“You know how this place works. What if I could give Snart some of my speed? My speed healing would kick in, right?”

She tries her best to think through the logistics of that, and her heart actually swells as she realizes she knows the answer.

Yes.

It’s an outside force. Like changing a light bulb, or Kara cooling down her hands.

She nods quickly, “Yes.”

With a relieved smile Barry places his hand on Leonard’s chest and so Sara braces her own hands against his shoulders. Barry starts vibrating his arm and within seconds Leonard is convulsing under her grip. First it’s small, but then bigger, and she would be worried except his blisters are fading to a normal pale color and sticky blood is flowing slower. Eventually Barry staggers back, almost landing on his ass were it not for Kara catching him under his arms. Leonard continues to seize minutely against her, and when that stops she moves her fingers to check is pulse again and receives a tiny shock for her efforts.

“It’ll take time.” Barry says as Kara helps him stand up. “Even with speed healing, I was in a coma for months after getting struck by lightning.”

It’s Kate who folds her arms, unconvinced. “I thought time didn’t move here?”

Sara wants to answer, to explain, but surprisingly, it’s Ryan who beats her to it.

“Yet, we’re still counting days.”

*

*

*

“There are no strings on me.”

He barely has time to finish the sentence before his hand is engulfed with a searing white pain. Every instinct he has in his body is screaming for him to get away but he can’t. Literally, he can’t. On reflex he tries to uncurl his fingers but they won’t go… and then there’s nothing.

For a while he feels for only a handful of seconds at a time, few and far between, each time like he is starting to wake from a very deep sleep that he quickly succumbs back to. Finally, however, it starts to feel different. Like dawn is coming and he still isn’t ready to wake up. So he goes back into the darkness, the faint calls of something somewhere nearby hitting his ears. When he wakes up again it’s soon, almost as if he hasn’t fallen back asleep for more than a minute, and suddenly it feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest. Wow, he hadn’t realized how hard it had been to breathe. He can’t quite seem to wake himself up yet but he’s content with that. For the first time everything feels semi-comfortable. He can breathe and there is something warm underneath his head. He wants to open his eyes and see what it is but he can’t. He hears the faint sound of voices around him, some almost sound familiar, and The Oculus starts to come back to him. The pain, the darkness, and now what? Is this death? Are these his final moments of broken lucidity? His mind bestowing him with imaginary feelings of air half in his likely collapsed lungs and delusional voices at the edges of his ears?

There is a rush of a shock through his system. It feels like he’s being electrocuted, and suddenly he can’t feel or hear anything other than it, and when it’s over the darkness closes back around him.

Yeah, he thinks before he succumbs to it, this is death.

Yet, some long time later, the darkness lifts again.

This time, he is very aware of the pain. There’s a lot of it, and it’s everywhere, but as he grunt and grimaces against it he comes to a crucial realization.

He can move.

He opens his eyes first, and finds that he is looking at nothing other than the featureless blob of grey that is the ceiling of chambers in The Vanishing Point.

Peachy.

He tries to sit up and a shot of fiery pain through his side sends him right back down. Nope, not doing that.

Ok, so he can’t sit, and after that he isn’t sure he wants to try rolling over.

He can at least pick up his head and, with some bearable pain, prop himself up on his elbows to look around.

The first thing he notices is his elbows dip a bit into the firm material of a half-decent mattress. So he’s on a bed, meaning someone moved him from The Oculus chamber.

The walls around him are all stone and grey, and not to mention mostly in tact. There’s a light attached to the ceiling and covered by a lampshade, and a bookshelf up against the wall right next to a chrome door, but otherwise the room is bare.

That’s when the door slides open.

It’s Sara who steps into the doorway, though not all the way through it. She freezes the moment she sees him staring at her, and he can’t say he doesn’t do the same.

She looks different.

She’s wearing… He’ll say a version of her White Canary suite. One that’s cleaner and sleeker, and not to mention includes a much more gratuitous neckline. Her hair is different too. A little shorter and not quite as wavy as he remembers.

“You’re awake.” She finally stutters.

“It appears I am.” He says with a slow nod, “How long have I been out?”

Panic flashes through her eyes as she hurries in and sits on the very edge of the mattress, her eyes avoiding his when she does.

“Um… It’s a little complicated. It’s been close to a week since we found you. But uh, it’s been four years since The Oculus.”

He’s sure the surprise must be on his face.

Four years.

He’d assumed it’d been a long time; it feels like it. Before she walked in he might have guessed weeks, maybe a couple months. After she arrived he would’ve bet a year or two.

Four years.

“Ok… So where are we now?”

It’s the most practical question he can think of, and he isn’t sure if he can handle hearing even one thing that’s changed in all this time right now.

“At The Vanishing Point.” She answers, “Blowing up The Oculus worked, right now we’re just squatting in the Time Master’s old barracks, until we can come up with a plan.”

He should ask what kind of plan, or against who, or what, but instead…

“Why here?”

She sighs, her eyes closed in a way that forewarns pain coming when she opens them.

“Because here is the only place that’s left.”

She catches him up on everything, then. First on The Crisis, and on how literally every single being to ever exist in any universe is now gone except for seven supposed “paragons” and him, and then on anything else she feels he should know.

She tells him about Savage, about Stein, about Rip, about Jax and a wife and daughter he has in the future whom she couldn’t wait to meet before all this. She tells him about the new Legends, about how well Mick had been doing before he got tidal waved out of existence with the rest of the multi-verse, and then finally, she tells him about Ava.

“We’re hoping we can bring everyone back.” She says, and there is a touch of guilt to her words.

“Good.” He nods, hoping he doesn’t sound nearly as disappointed as he feels. “Sounds like you’ve got a lot worth fighting for.”

The smile she gives him is grateful, and he tries to return it. It does hurt to hear she’s moved on from him, almost as much as the physical pain that he’s in, but even so he is glad she was able to find happiness in his absence.

“We all do.” She says, “And, if you’re up for it, we could use your help.”

He nods.

“You might have to find some crutches lying around this place, but I will gladly take down another immortal bastard.”

He punctuates his words with a smirk, one that she returns.

“It’s late right now.” She tells him, and he obeys her before she even says it and eases himself back down. “Get some rest.”

He nods, though truthfully he doubts he’ll be resting much any time soon.

She probably knows that, but she smiles at him all the same and bends over to plant a soft kiss to his forehead.

“Good to have you back Len.”

[overdramatic-queer-antagonist]

I just want one love triangle that actually makes a triangle so I wrote the first chapter to a book.

Everybody thinks I’m straight. I don’t really know why but if I had to guess, it’s because I do sports, am popular, and hang out with primarily white guys named Chad. And people think. I imagine a lot of the time, when they look at me, they’re thinking, “why is he the only guy on the football team not named Chad? And why did his name have to be Thomas? No one cool is ever named Thomas except for that one guy on vine.” But I bet sometimes they think, “oh that guy? Yup! No gay there. He’s on the football team he can’t be gay!” But they’re wrong. I, and about 25% of the Chad‘s are gay. But this isn’t about the Chads, this is about me, and Maxwell, and Diana. But that’s it!

Aw shit! I haven’t even mentioned Maxwell and Diana. Diana is really rich and popular. But she’s also smart and kind, which is why she was elected student body president. The rich part got her that title not the nice part. Since we're both popular we do kind of hang out together but I try to keep my communications with her to a minimum because she’s always staring at me like she knows some dark secret and it’s scary. You have an experience true fear until you’ve had the most flawless person in the universe stare you down like you’re the scum of the earth. I try to imagine what she’s thinking but frankly I have no idea. And Maxwell is the most handsome amazing man in the whole school. He’s really quiet and doesn’t talk much but he’s got fantastic grades in art class. For a good reason too, everything he’s ever made is amazing. Yeah I know. These protagonists aren’t the most original bunch. But I didn’t choose to be popular and I didn’t choose to be in love with the shy artist, it just happened, and it would make a great fanfiction.

OK, now that the introductions are out-of-the-way, let’s actually get the show on the road, shall we? I was at my locker, getting stuff for my next class. What else would I be doing at the locker? I don’t know why I had to say what I was doing. It seems obvious. I digress. So Diana was doing that thing that the movies do, where she walks down the hallway with two other slightly less popular girls behind her and no one else is walking down the hallway. I genuinely have no idea how that happened or why she was walking down the hallway seeing as how her next period is lunch and both the exit and cafeteria are both the other way and none of them have food. She was staring at me again and I felt like she was about to sick wolves on me so I decided to turn to something that would make me less terrified. Except I’m dumb and gay so instead I went to look at Maxwell and- HOLY SHIT WAS THAT A BI FLAG?? OH GOD I HOPE SO!! Anyways I think he saw me looking at him because he was looking at me too and he also looked like he was going to sick wolves on me. Do I have a kick me sign on my back? Why is everyone so mad at me? This is especially unfair because Maxwell is just as graceful and beautiful angry as he is happy. So now I’m panicking for four different reasons and kind of wishing I could just jump in my locker and hide. Alas it was one of those two per column kinds so I wouldn’t fit. I now realize I have five different reasons to panic because guess what my next class is. Art! You know the class I have with the beautiful shy, talented artist who I am hopelessly in love with and is currently staring daggers at me? Why does God insist I must suffer?

Oh boy! The bell rang and like the garage student I am I didn’t go straight to class. I still made it before the second bell but I didn’t prioritize it and everyone was already there. Is that why those two hate me so much? They both are really smart maybe that’s it. Perhaps that’s why Diana was walking the wrong way. Maybe she was getting a head start on her next class. Maybe Maxwell could tell I was questioning her and he was horrified by my stupidity. Oh gosh I hope not! I would die of embarrassment! OK it probably won’t be that severe but I would cry in the bathroom for two or three days listening to Taylor Swift. I truly am the paragon of popularity aren’t I?

I either dozed off or just don’t care enough to write what happened in our class. I don’t remember which but it’s definitely one of them because the next thing happens at lunch. Me and the Chads were all sitting out at the bleachers talking about football stuff. You know... like… oh man I have no clue. I kinda wasn’t listening because Maxwell was drawing under the tree near the bleachers and the wind was blowing in his eyes and I got distracted. The shocking part is that the Chads that were also gay we’re not staring. I don’t know why this is. Maybe because homosexuals are individual human beings- no that’s too out there. My eyes kind of started to glaze over after a while so everyone else around me was completely aware of what was going on but I was just thinking about the glow cloud from Welcome to Night Vale. What self-respecting parents let an omnipotent being that rains farm animals I’m to the PTA? Why is the PTAs word law? I then remembered that the glow cloud was head of the school board and I felt stupid. Sadly, by the time I had come to that conclusion somebody was already pushing me in the shoulder so I couldn’t think any deeper about this pressing subject.

“HUH? WHAT TIME IS I- oh hi Maxwell,” I looked up to see two beautiful violet eyes staring sharply back at me.

“What is wrong with you?” The now kind of scary but still beautiful classmate of mine asked firmly.

“What are you-“

“Why in the world would you play with such a nice, beautiful girl’s heart like that?”

“I'd give you a response if I had any idea what you were talking about.”

“I can’t tell if you’re stupid or an asshole!”

“Stupid is a safe assumption,” I missed thinking about the glow cloud, or the wolves for that matter.

“OK then maybe I should be less aggressive about this,” Maxwell turned around with his face to his palm mumbling to himself before he turned back around with a phony smile, “Hi I’m Maxwell! I’m in your art class! You’re accidentally toying with the most popular girl in school’s feelings and I just so happen to have feelings for her. Isn’t this uncomfortable?”He was right. This was uncomfortable. I decided he was messing with me and started awkwardly laughing hoping he would start laughing less awkwardly back. He didn’t he just stared off into the distance like a soul left his body. Which it probably did. He just outed someone else’s crush and his own crush in one sentence. And unbeknownst to him the guy who had a crush on him was also the guy laughing uncomfortably in his face. But I have been laughing for too long and everyone else just stood there silently so I decided the best course of action was to respond.

“What are you talking about?” I decided on.

“Oh my god you’re so dense-“ he broke out of his stand still coma just to say.

“Nope!” I impulsively interrupted, “ just gay and incredibly uncomfortable!”

His eyes widened as he looked back at me, the idiot who had just outed himself on accident.

“ Oh God I am a dick!” He said less harsh, “ you were aware Diana had a crush on you weren’t you,”

“Nope! I thought she wanted me dead!”

“But she stares at you all the time.”

“Yeah well you were staring at me last period.”

“But that was a death glare. Can’t you tell the difference?”

“You guys had the same expression.”

“OK let me rephrase this. You don’t want to upset her now that you know right?”

“No.”

“That’s good, you have a moral code. I will help you let her down in a way that doesn’t upset anybody.”

“I don’t mean to sound rude or anything but you’re not doing this because you want her attention right?” I guess Maxwell hadn’t even thought of that because a horrified expression one across his face before he quickly shook his head no.

“I’m the quiet kid in the back of the class, I don’t think it’s physically possible to confess. Besides, it's less of a crush in the romantic sense, and more of a ‘I care so deeply about her I want to help her in any way I can’ sense. We actually grew up together and I-“

“I will accept your offer as long as there is no mention of a dramatic backstory of any sorts,” I interrupted him putting my finger to his mouth. This was too much human contact for me. I uncomfortably moved my finger back quickly as to not make things more awkward.

Maxwell sighed as he put his hand out for me to shake, “do we have a deal?”

I looked at his sketchbook now lying on the floor. This is gonna sting. I clasped his hand, “deal.”

[parabcllums]

⌜   DIEGO LUNA, CIS MALE, HE / HIM   |   the war by syml, melancholic, the jester   ⌟    ⏤   blink and you’ll miss CLINTON FRANCIS BARTON, the hero for hire that goes by HAWKEYE ! last i heard, they’d settled down and had children with BARBARA MORSE, though apparently they’ve SEPARATED. they’re a professor of ARCHERY & GYM at paragon academy in addition to being a SHIELD AGENT ASSIGNED TO CAMPUS, and i’ve always found them to be pretty INNOVATIVE & BENIGNANT, though i’ve heard that they can also be really UNDEPENDABLE & OBSTINATE. do you think they’ll give me an autograph? you can check out his stat page HERE and his pinterest board HERE.

  CONGRATULATIONS,              on the mess you’ve made of things.

SECTION ONE OF THREE : BULLET POINT HISTORY. trigger warnings for talk of child abuse and death.

clinton francis “clint” barton was born on june 18th, 1974, in waverly, iowa. his mother was edith, and his supposed father was harold - an abusive, alcoholic butcher shop owner who always kinda knew that clint wasn’t his kid, and let his feelings about that out with his fists. his older ( half ) brother was charles bernard - also known as “barney” - and over his early years, he would become the most important figure in clint’s life. as mentioned, harold was wildly abusive ; both to his wife, and to his sons. clint hated him, and he hated his mother - a weak willed woman who even now he harbors some degree of contempt for, left over from a childhood of her turning the other way and allowing harold do what he did.

he suffered through a lot, in a very short amount of time, and hospital visits were numerous for the youngest barton - coming to a head when one night, his father’s attack on him left him partially deaf in one ear. he didn’t want to invest in helping clint, so barney took it upon himself to not just teach clint some asl, but also to teach him how to protect himself. in his words, teaching clint to think of everything like a weapon - something to hit harold with, when he came knocking. the boys would hide out for hours at a time on the roof of their home or in the barn, and as both got older, tried to go toe to toe with harold on more than one occassion. things would have gotten worse for them, if it hadn’t been for the accident.

harold crashed the family car into a tree on his way home one night. edith was in the passenger seat. the two of them died instantly, and clint and barney were shuttled off fairly quick to a foster home. and then another. and then another. you get the picture. if they weren’t sent away because of being generally unruly, the boys found a way to run. eventually, that led to them running into a literal circus, which they proceeded to join, seeking out the family that they had never really have.

clint was obsessed with it all - the glitz and the glam isn’t exactly the right turn of phrase, but he lived for the adrenaline rush. he was a talented gymnast, and he eventually came under the wing of the original swordsman and trick shot, who built on barney’s earlier lessons of self defense, but honed his skill with weapons. he was good with a sword. he was better with a bow. and when barney tried to sway clint into caring about his future - into doing his GED, like him - they would argue. their relationship, deteriorating a little more each time.

eventually, clint discovered that the swordsman was embezzling money - and his moral compass, though dusty, kicked in. he would’ve turned him over to the police, had it not been for him proceeding to get the shit kicked out of him, and barney choosing to turn his back on him once and for all. barney joined the army and left - and after witnessing heroes on the news, clint decided that maybe he could use his talent ( at this point being a star attraction at the circus ) for good. he donned a costume, he went out making an attempt to fight crime - and the local authorities confused him with an actual thief, which only led to him deciding that if that was what people were going to view him as, he might as well be one. the black widow - natasha romanoff - enlisted him as a partner, and the two clashed with the betterknown costumed heroes on multiple occasions.

soon enough, clint got tired of that life, and he approached the avengers with a proposition. he would use his talents for them, instead, and... feel better about himself in the process? unclear. tony stark vouched for him, he joined a team with steve rogers & wanda and pietro maximoff, and though they were thought of as being lesser than the original avengers team... they all, clint included, proved themselves.

he fought with steve, resenting that he was leader and clint was not - but over time, learned to respect him. he operated as goliath, he left the avengers a couple times, he did a bunch of stuff and saved the world tons, and then on one such leave of absence where he became the security chief for cross technological enterprises, he was kidnapped ( alongside bobbi morse ) by crossfire as part of a master plan to kill the avengers ( first by killing him, and then by killing the rest when they showed up for his funeral ). the plan was to use hypnotic ultrasounds to force the two of them to kill one another, but clint stuffed a sonic arrow of his own creation into his mouth in a brief moment of lucidity and managed to disrupt the ultrasounds by deafening himself even more - allowing him to knock bobbi out and defeat crossfire, once and for all. this was a pivotal point in his life, not just because of being rendered 80% deaf and being forced to readjust his life to this. he also fell for bobbi, who felt responsible for what had happened to him and wanted to try and help. they met, they loved, they married within nine days - and their relationship, or lack thereof at times, has been continuous ever since.

he led the west coast avengers, he got stranded in ancient egypt, he fought his own brother who then died and cam back and died again ( and came back ), he and bobbi broke up, they got back together, it was revealed she was a skrull, the real bobbi apparently died, he took a break from being a hero to mourn, he rejoined the avengers, got killed by an exploding kree ship ( thanks wanda ), came back to life thanks to an altered universe, died again, came back again ( thanks wanda ), operated as ronin for a time after the apparent assination of captain america,  found bobbi safe and well ( ok, after a whole big skrull thing ), learned that his beloved ( ex ) wife had wanted to divorce him before she had gotten replaced by a skrull, became leader of the new avengers, saved the world a bunch, made mistakes, joined a new team, started sharing the hawkeye monikor with kate bishop, almost went blind, joined the secret avengers, started to lead them, fought against the x-men due to the whole phoenix force / hope summers thing, sacrificed himself for scarlet witch so that phoenix powered emma frost wouldn't kill her, almost died, got healed, moved into an apartment in brooklyn with a brand new purpose in life and.. that's kind of, really, more where we sit. there was a bunch of other stuff ( like all the civil war business, etc ), but i like to kind of ... come at things from a point after matt fraction’s hawkeye, where clint took on russian thugs and ended up buying an apartment building. not in that exact order. also with more details thrown in.

SECTION TWO OF THREE : HEADCANONS. trigger warnings for talk of miscarriage, depression and ptsd.

currently, clint is still in his... rediscovering exactly what he wants to be stage of life, and working for shield as an agent assigned to campus works for him. he still considers himself an avenger, still works under his alias and is still, you know, doing what he’s gotta do - but he’s taking days as they come

he and bobbi have a nine year old son named lark sein morse, and he’s... pretty much clint’s whole reason to get up in the morning, though there is a feeling that he’s closer to his mother than he is, him. they ( clint and bobbi ) are not currently together, and haven’t really been so as long as lark has been alive - though they were on again, off again a lot over the years, and clint will always sort of class her as the love of his life... even if they aren’t married. bobbi suffered a miscarriage early on in the first version of their relationship to one another - lark is their rainbow baby.

he suffers from post traumatic stress disorder from his childhood, and from... a lot of the things that have happened to him, over the years. he’s also heavily depressed, and has only really recently begun to seek out the kind of help that he really needs ( the fact that shield offers free therapists to people working for them? a huge plus )

 he has a dog named lucky who he absolutely ADORES, but who gets swiped semi regularly by kate.

he’s also... actually pretty well off, though you would NOT know that just from looking at him. clint owns his apartment building in brooklyn and has a lot of money saved up from over the years. he could live a high class life, if he so chose, but he prefers to live modestly.

SECTION THREE OF THREE : WANTED CONNECTIONS.

friends :(

also . believe it or not. clint has been... a huge ladies man for a very long time, so by all means - past flings, past serious relationships, the whole thing.

bobbi morse !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also nat romanoff

his two kids. they’re between the ages of 17 - 26, and he doesn’t know about them, though it’s ENTIRELY possible that they know / have been told who he is / to them, and i am rly into the idea of getting to play it out.