#oh yeah!! im not the literal worst person in the world im just a human being!!!

[aroceu]

my mindset toward myself has recently gone from "I'm an unlikable person" to "it is normal for not everyone to like me - as well as it is normal for there to be people who dislike me - when I am unapologetic about who I am" and honestly I love that for me

[jollyjotter]

Vanitas No Carte

incorrect quotes

1) Vanitas: Dante has no survival skills, his need to win has replaced them.

Johann: That cant be true!

Vanitas: Watch this.

Vanitas: Hey Dante, race you to the bottom of the stairs!

Dante: *Throws himself out a window*

•

2) Johann: I have issues.

Dante: Finally, you admit it! The fırst step to redemption is accept

Johann: With you.

•

3) Johann: Are you guys bringing anything to the party?

Jeanne: Yeah, an empty stomach!

Vanitas: My sparkling personality.

Dante: A flagrant disregard for common decency?

Noé: ...

Noé: Chips.

•

4) Vanitas: Yeah, I'm a false prophet, but you believed me, so whose fault is it really that we're in this mess?

•

5) Noé: You use emojis like a straight person.

Johann: That's literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me.

•

6) Dominique: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Vanitas and Jeanne's convo?

Johann: Me. I'm in the laundry basket.

Dante: I'm in the washing machine.

Noé: Im in the closet.

Johann: We accept you Noé. <3

Noé: No I'm literally in the closet.

Johann: Love is love. <3

Noé: ...

•

7) Vanitas: I never understood why people cared so much about their dumb friends until | got a dumb friend myself.

Vanitas: *Turns to look at Noé*

Vanitas: I've only befriended Noé for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him | would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

•

8) Dominique: Is this gaslighting? Am | being gaslit?

Veronica: Domi, if | were gaslighting you, you'd never know it.

Dominique: Is THAT gaslighting?

Veronica: Shut up.

•

9) Vanitas: You're giving me a sticker?

Luna: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying "me-wow!"

Vanitas: I'm not a stupid kid.

Luna: Fine, I’ll take it back..

Vanitas: No, I earned this, back off!

•

10) Noé: So, I've organized your messages into three categories..

Noé: "From Vanitas".

Noé: "Death Threats".

Noé: and "Death Threats From Vanitas".

•

11) Vanitas: What are you in the mood for?

Jeanne: World domination.

Vanitas: That's a bit ambitious.

Jeanne: You are my world.

Vanitas: Oh.

Jeanne:

Vanitas:

Jeanne:

Vanitas: OH.

•

12) Dominique: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized.

Noé: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to his knees and sob while apologizing profusely*

Dominique: That one. | want that one.

•

13) Vanitas: Here are two pictures. One of them is your bedroom, and the other is a garbage dumpster. Can you tell which is which?

Noé:

Noé: This one is the dumpster.

Vanitas: They’re both your bedroom.

•

14) Vanitas: Jeanne is playing hard to get.

Vanitas: Little does she know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

•

15) Noé: Hey.

Vanitas: Hey?

Noé: I cant sleep. :/

Vanitas: I can. Goodnight :D

•

16) Dominique: Crushes are the worst... Whenever I'm near mine, | start acting stupid.

Noé: But you always act stupid.

Noé:

Noé: Wait a minute...

•

17) Vanitas: You got a date yet Jeanne?

Jeanne: No...

Vanitas: Well you do now! Get your ass up and hold my hand!

•

18) Johann: Ugh, there's always that one weak bitch in the group who isn't down with murder.

Johann: *side-eyes Noé*

Noé: Well, sorry I have morals!

•

19) Noé: You use humor to deflect your trauma.

Dominique: Awww, thanks!

Noé: That's not a good thing...

Dominique: All I'm hearing is that you think I'm funny.

•

20) Jeanne: I still have no idea how I'm attracted to you...

Vanitas: Yeah, well, you're stuck with me, and no take backs, darling.

•

21) Vanitas: There is no future. There is no past. Dont you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every fact.

Noé: ...All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake fırst.

Vanitas: ....

•

22) Vanitas: I want to kiss you.

Jeanne, not paying attention: What?

Vanitas: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

•

23) Vanitas: You disgust me.

Dante: *eats a kitkat sideways*

Vanitas:

Dante:

Vanitas:

Dante: I realize this and don't care.

•

24) Luna: You know, there's something weird going on with your face?

Vanitas: What?

Luna, super happy: You're smiling! I didn't know you could do that?

•

•

•

25) Vanitas: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Noé: Vanitas no.

Jeanne: Mistlefoe.

Noé: Please stop encouraging him.

•

26) Vanitas: I was arrested for being too cool.

Jeanne: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

•

27) Vanitas: *Gets down on one knee*

Jeanne: Oh my god, it’s finally happening.

Vanitas: *Falls over*

Jeanne: The poison is kicking in.

•

28) Vanitas: Am I going too far?

Dante: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.

[scootvideo]

Do you deal with 3p with you celeb SP? Could you give any advices if yes? Love your blog💖

THIRD PARTIES WHILE MANIFESTING

I DO!!! Third parties are a ANNOYING ASF, I’m a very sensitive person and when I see someone else close to the one I love I feel PHYSICAL PAIN (IM NOT EXAGGERATING)

There are three methods to deal with this:

1. Denying Method

- SP and X are dating

- Uh? What? No they are not. SP is literally obsessed with me. They are just very good friends ;)

(YOU GET WHERE THIS IS GOOOOING?? 🤭)

- SP and X are the perfect couple

- Yeah sure, and the sky is red.

- SP loves X

- Yeeeaaah sure.. and my dad is The Rock…

2. Fourth party Method

- SP and X are dating

- Wait isn’t X with this other guy? Yeah, I saw it on instagram and they look so cute together, X looks much happier now…

(You can ship them with someone or just think that X going out with someone else…)

- X is so much happier with their new partner… They are just so perfect for each other

3. Nonexistence Method

- SP and X are dating

- Who is X? Never heard of them

(Don’t have more examples for this method 😭. This is literally ignore their existence. If they don’t exist to you THEY DONT EXIST, that’s just what is like to be God)

Important Tips:

- Don’t compare yourself: THIS IS THE WORST MISTAKE YOU COULD MAKE. I’m guilty of doing this all the time but you just HAVE TO KNOW that:

They will never be you. They could dress like you, act like you, like the same things you do… But they will NEVER be you, because you are JUST you, and your SP ONLY likes you, ONLY loves you, AND X WILL NEVER BE YOU

- Work on your Self Concept: This comes linked with the first tip, you have to KNOW that even at your worse THEY ARE HEAD OVER HELLS OVER YOU.

You could look like cockroach (you don’t), you could smell like a fish (you don’t), you could be the most boring person in the world (you’re not), but that doesn’t matter, cause they are OBSESSED OVER YOU.

How many times you’ve seen your best friend crushing over the ugliest man ever? SO WHY, YOUUUUU (GODDESS LOOKING HUMAN), ARE INSECURE ABOUT ���oh will they find me attractive🥺” ?

OF COURSE, OKAY??? STOP THIS NONSENSE

- Block them if necessary: I know that this tip can’t be applied by everyone, but if you can do it, DO IT. Sometimes, us humans, are self destructive, we like to torture ourselves looking at their profile and staring at them with jealousy and hatred. ITS NOT WORTH IT. Keep your energy positive and don’t waste it on someone who is not even a threat.

…

THATS ALL!!! Thank you sm for reading and being here with me, hope the tips help <3

Btw thank you for enjoying my blog annon!!

BYEBYEBYEEE

[weirdcat1213]

another day another week ANOTHER FUCKING VOLUME-

okok lets relax

vol 11 thoughts

chap 1:

you know i barely remember this so it should be fun :D

-CHAPEL IDC IF THIS A FLASHBACK BUT THE TF OUT OF MY HOUSE

-"all he did was to shoot you in the spine" lmao elendira calling legato a baby is my favorite thing

-you know what girlie youre so right- oh a joke? damn it

-ily zazie, youre so cool

-VASH SLEEPING IN THE CAR :D

-oh hey brad is here

-ah NO NOT THE AFTERMATH MOMENTS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-brad, brad, honey....he knows

-why is my poor baby apologizing :c

-i mean brad's fears are valid and all but HE DOESNT KNOW AND WE KNOW AND VASH KNOWS AND ITS ALL JUST REALLY SAD

-GIVE MY MAN A BREAK LMAO XD

-also i can relate to livio here cuz rn my environment is too trusting and im so paranoid about security like yeah vash, i would never sleep in the back of a car of someone whom i just met you dumbass-

-shut up literally shut up

-fair

-Ion Blaster TM time :3

-final phase you say-

-oh....oh no. vash, this is gonna be one of those moments where you sigh and curse knives for being kinda right

-oh he angy xd

-OHH RIGHT YEAH

-yeap...they are fucked atm

-OMG ITS THEM THEYRE COMING YIPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY :D

chap 2

-THEYRE ALMOST HEREEEEE

-catch me being that guy when the end comes (just a dude in a coat with a hat playing music, thats gonna be me)

-oh god no, the worst and most boring thing you could do is to label knives as a terrorist. the guy is so much more and that word just doesnt fit him

-yes thank you! no time for nonsense

-THERE SHE IS HEY GIRLLLLL ITS BEEN SO LONG, TOO LONG, YOU LOOK SO PRETTY :3

-MILLY MY BELOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED

-when was the last time we saw them? 2 volumes ago?

-"i would never would have imagined this. that the world could change so fast" and that goes on the list of "timeless trigun things" or TTT for short

-:c

-wait so...transphobe guy? get yeeted

-oh...oh i didnt remember...oh i will cry

-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the reunioooooooooon

-look at their fucking faces, they missed each other so much

-tbh if i met the most jesus-allegory guy ever, then lost trail of where or how he was for 2 volumes of a manga ,to find him later in the middle of a silly fight i would also cry

-that scene with the pieces of earth announcement makes me kinda sad, no one will come for us

-geesus christ

-ohhh kinda pretty tho, looks like a phoenix

chap 3:

-"its all happening so fast" yeah sorry dude, its a trigun tradition

-HE LOOKS SO HAPPY, HIS DUTY (according to him) OF PROTECTING THE PEOPLE IS ALMOST DONE

-"do you want me to come along?" he would be the best person to go to public places when you are too anxious to talk to strangers

- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DONT ASK PLS NO

-livio honey what was the idea here "oh you guys seem like you liked him. i actually killed him. well not me but also me. im sorry"

-milly my girl is cursed to be the 1st and og wolfwood stan in any version. we feel your pain girl

-LMAO THE NOTE ABOUT ZAZIE XD

-AWWWWWWWWWWWWW :3 A BAG OF LITTLE THINGSSS

-NOT VASH CARRYING FIGURINES AROUND, HES LIKE ME FR FR WITH MY KEYCHAINS

-also ofc he has rare figurines, the man has had enough time to look for it lmao

-ok but imagine if vash actually had lost the coins xd

-the pressure and guilt livio must feel rn. his brother died trying to protect him and he has the official Vash Thinks Youre Cool stamp. he has to change cuz if he doesnt he would throw all of that away and really stop being human

-you did good brad

-"must be lonely" im eating my own arm

-oh im really crying over this, ok, fun

-i also dont know what to do vash the stampede but im begging you to ASK FOR HELP YOU MFFFFFFFFFF

-AH SHIT ZAZIE NO

-AH FUCK ITS HIM

chap 4:

-july 20th? ah great, july 20th-21st is cursed here too

-rad as hell as always

-huh, i expected knives to just yeet them on sight

-i would say him and humans are pretty much alike but ok, sure,hm

-i love her being suspicious of legato 1st xd

-i wonder how can this go wrong, seems like a solid plan

-oh right...him

-YEAH GO GET HIM >:3

-oh...oh thats so cool. like his body doesnt work...but he controls it...but not in the same way a human would...wow

-OH BEAUTIFUL EYE HOLY SHIT THATS BEAUTIFUL

-GATE CONSUMING STUFF YOU SAY.....HMMMMM I WONDER WHERE I SAW THE SAME TRIGUN CONCEPT-

(side note: "you still dont know how to control your gate" SO THATS HOW IT LOOKS WHEN YOU CONTROL IT? IT ONLY CONSUMES/CREATE WHAT YOU WANT?? ORANGEEE)

-MAGIC BULLETSSSSSS

-LMAO THE HOLE XD

-vash you cant say shit about silly haircuts im sorry

-also "new hair new outlook"...........i will curl myself into the moon

-they forgor

-who are you

-also ngl i never got the idea of what the coins did so lets find out

chap 5:

-SHES FUCKING HERE REJOICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-wait wdym neural blocking programs

-LMAO XD

-LIVIO IS SO SCARED AND WITH REASON

-just the two of us :3

-i love his game face and then its just "ugh i cant do this" xd

-"fight vash the stampede fight" me cheering vash on in stampede

-vash i love you but you cant call my wife a bitch, thats not polite

-oh livio, oh i didnt get to appreciate you too much on my 1st read but come here man, come here. youre doing great

-they have officially trauma bonded :3 (ik thats a terrible oversimplification but leave me alone)

-"is it possible for something created by humans to completely break away from their creators?" yes next question

-OH NO IS THIS THE VOLUME WITH *THAT SCENE*?

-"you really have become a crybaby" and im glad cuz she was always so serious with her job and all, now she can express her feelings more

-STOPPPP THIS ALWAYS GETS ME CUZ AHHHHHH STOP

-AH NAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :C

-...........and thats story is technically stampede but anyway jajajajaja :D

-the prettiest eyes

-FUNNY ENOUGH HE DOES LOOK LIKE A BUG

-OH ITS TIME ITS FUCKING TIME HOLY SHIT

chap 6:

-the title :c

-liviooooooo :c

-HEY! my boi can still kick your ass >:[

-DONT YOU EVEN *DARE*

-just leave him out of this pls

-i love that he still considers himself human <3 i want to think wolfwood taught him that indirectly

-FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

-I MEAN YES YOURE RIGHT BUT CAN YOU NOT???

-huh, the silhouette kinda looks like wolfwo- *gunshot*

-i love knowing exacty what livio is thinking rn

-aww :3

-liviooooooooooo :c

-his cowboy era is about to start im so proud of him :')

[the1975attheirverybest]

do you have any tips on how to be less parasocial? I hate feeling so emotionally attached to celebrities, but my brain won't stop doing it

oh, I might be the absolute worst person to ask about this because, a long time ago, I decided that being parasocial is not a bad thing. indeed, 90% of the time its a good thing. YEAH I SAID IT. COME FOR ME I DARE YA.

Like, im sorry but since when has caring for and loving something or someone been a bad thing????? This is why I dont get bothered by the hate anons who are like "you dont know Matty Healy grow the fuck up" like im sorry if you are so limited in your emotional and cognitive capacity that you cannot fathom an understanding of somebody, however partial, or incomplete in your brain. I genuinely feel sorry for those people. But thankfully, im human enough to use my brain and my emotions. and I like to think that we *do* know Matty. maybe not on a personal everyday basis. like maybe we don't know his favorite pizza place in london or the wacky story behind how he ended up with an ex-gf's brother's t shirt or whatever. But we KNOW his heart. we know what type of guy he is. we know what he believes about being in the world. whats important to him. what he wants to do with his life. what he thinks about important topics.

AND FUCKIN HELL MAN! Like isnt that the fuckin reason art exists??? like isnt that LITERALLY how it work. the artist puts their feelings and thoughts and world view into their art, shares it, and then the consumer goes "wow me too! i didnt know other people felt this way about this." or "wow this has made me experience someone else's pov. i never would have thought about it in this way but thanks to this novel or song or film or whatever now im thinking about it."

and how can you not be emotionally invested in something or someone that makes you feel less alone, that challenges you to think differently, comforts you, or teaches you, or inspires you to be a better person???? the fuck is wrong with people, man????

I think the only time that being parasocial can be bad or dangerous is when it leads to people disrespecting the celeb or whatever. like stalking Matty's house? yeah dont do that. sure he feels like your best friend, but frankly, even if it were my best friend, if someone shows up at my house without invitation id be mad. feeling entitled to his time or his energy just cuz hes performing or in public? yeah thats bad dont do that. feeling like you can ask him about taylor's private jet (this was back in may) bad, dont do that. like stuff like that! you know what I mean? like dont be a fuckin asshole. other than that BE MORE PARASOCIAL WHO CARES I THINK ITS A GOOD THINK! It shows how capable we are of connecting despite our differences and our capacity for love and understanding that we can bond even if we never met. thats literally the best. fuck haters. be weird man.

[ginevrafangirl]

Love Between Fairy and Devil Commentary Part 1

Highlights from my text reactions to this cdrama, episodes 1-12!

Part 2 | Part 3

SPOILERS ahead!

did she just magic girl transform herself a new outfit out of petals??

girl who are you praying to you're a god?

what in the dementor soul suckery is this

a little choking is a great way to start a relationship

seeing bare arms in a xianxia is basically like full frontal nudity

you can even bring items with you inside a painting?

omg we are unlocking the devils sauron like final form

the skin is smoother than an instagram filter

what is the first thing a criminal does after escaping from prison? more crime ofc

she really thinks she can get away with a lot because she is cute // everyone around her is an enabler of the pretty cute privilege

soldiers turned to stone?? what in the narnia??

oh mr qingfang you are sexist, in a world where the god of war is a woman??

yeah she just fell to her death but he is definitely gonna catch her in mid air

he is definitely not trying to be lowkey and stay out of prison huh

is langhua fairy orchid girl secretly from the extinct xilan tribe? she is, isnt she (👀)

batman?? // there to collect evil qi?

i totally get why she thinks he is in love with her, but she cant focus on his words, cant she sense the murderous rage?

sauron: angrily wiping tears away

the amount of times she says 'im just an ordinary fairy' the more i am certain she is not

considering he is the moon and she is an orchid, what even is gender

this is like the opposite of bingqiu where he wishes her dead and she thinks he is in love (svsss reference)

THE CURSE ONLY GOES ONE WAY // THIS IS AMAZING

they could have a great dad-daughter dynamic too, my favorite, grumpy father figure who grows to love cute daughter (rip me only seeing the father daughter potential at first)

dfqc: i wanna take a bath // dragon boy: you WHAT

well you dont know this boi, but the story you're in is called 'love between fairy and devil', not 'love between fairy and ice god of war'

is there only one source of dew in the whole forest?

dfqc is a human microwave

ohoho if you say smthing is just legend it is definitely going to be a future plotpoint

i think i refuse to call these people by their names, they shall stay girlie (langhua), sauron (dongfang qingcang), ice god (lord changheng), dragon boy (shangque), jin guangshan (golden boss god) and lady si ming who will be an exception

i really cant look to closely at the ages or i wont be able to escape the pedophilia

now does this invisibility dome follow them around and expand according to how much she moves around, or

this is a cool spot to watch the sunrise, but even her usual house is above the clouds, i dont doubt you can watch the sunrise from there too?

is this the oh moment for sauron

i would DIE if they make him have her menstrual cramps

sauron: i am the worst person in the three realms // girlie: you're so admirable for trying to be the first in even that

this show really satisfies the viewers (me) that enjoy repressed men being forced to feel feelings

if lady si ming feeds girlie flower soup, isnt that basically CANNIBALISM

yes show, you might be putting romantic music over these moments, but sauron certainly doesnt know that

watching sauron throw tantrums is SO entertaining this really satisfies my craving for powerful pathetic men

to become a first class immortal, fairies need to fight DEMONS!? what kind of badass fairies are you hiding

sauron is literally trembling with murderous rage while saying such romantic things this is so funny

the fact that batmans face and voice are hidden makes me think he is someone high up in the fairy realm (👀)

you cant fool me with the white wig, youre still not older than your daughter

if that mirror predicts the future, does that mean langhua is gonna marry ice man in the mortal realm? // oooo is there gonna be an amnesia trial (👀)

wow ice man really is the most eligible bachelor, all these fairies are dropping their panties at this appearance

i feel like ronghao is batman (👀)

magical surveillance footage, svsss style (svsss reference)

i do not understand why they make their fairies fight off demons just to become servants

BABY WHITE BEAR MONSTER I LOVE YOU ALREADY

ronghao, his face is an evil one... i think he is demon dage from eternal love! (eternal love reference)

sauron: me no kill beast?? but he try kill YOU? i mean US!

where is sauron getting his cool outfits from wasnt he in prison for 30000 years

did he just say FORNICATING

now what the ever loving FUCK is this letter delivery system??

girlie is the goddess of xishan (👀)

the firefly imprinted on girlie (twilight reference)

girlie has true main character energy, everyone she meets either wants to fuck her or wants her dead

i love watching sauron weep and hating every second

girlie is not like other fairies

did she just percy jackson herself an airbubble??

plotholes in favor of romantic moments

get you a man that is literally dead inside

sauron be like: oh i got cursed? lemme put my plans for world domination on hold to become a gardener and then slowly fall in love with the plant i am raising

girlie really just left him on a boat in the middle of nowhere

sauron you are being very gentle with her for someone you supposedly cant wait to kill

batman really ripped catwomans outfit open with his metal fingers

so instead of a sorting hat they have a sorting turtle (harry potter reference)

as usual, all knowing wise prophetic beings only speak in RIDDLES

she is the fantasy chinese version of a hatstall (harry potter reference)

'how dare you hurt my woman'

this got really bollywood

now thats a very cunty outfit for this badass display

what the fuck??? what did he just do?? why are we in interstellar water mountain planet all of a sudden?

oblivion river sounds like a river in greek hell

also omg girlie unconscious, sauron holding her, dragon boy standing, the cql parallels!

girlie feels bad for calling him a stanky bitch lmao

this is the mother of dragons scene (game of thrones reference)

'we have sauron at home' and its xunfeng

ice god wants permission to go kill sauron as if he didnt just get his ass kicked by him on HIS OWN TURF

she is like 'i am not like other girls, i wont give in to stockholm syndrome' // too bad she doesnt know the name of the drama she is in

finally a show that adresses how impossible it is to walk with such long robes

dragon boy thinks he got called to have sex with his bosssss

'i dont have to prove my virginity to you'

walmart sauron is working together with batman

ice man is in distress, and i am sorry dude, but you will continue to be

omg i want the men in womens bodies to have to deal with periods

ice man didnt even disguise himself?? he sure is confident

That is all for this post, but more is to come! I have finished watching the show already, but will post the highlights in parts.

[craw-dacious]

Thats the art of getting by, by sarewolf

Again, new to marauders. This fic 3 that I’ve read. Feel free to shoot me recs, currently looking for ~100,000 word fic with a good angst balance and no major character death.

Summary: Overall this story was INCREDIBLE. I loved the writing style, such a good amount of angst, and an easy to follow narrative. It raised Harry like exactly how I wanted and was so cutey and sweetly and UGH

SPOILERS BELOW BEWARE

Chapter one

I already like the opening quote. Can tell the writing is going to be good.

God the angst is already great

He’s only 24 wild

I kind of forgot just how much he lost that night, like all of his closest friends were dead. Even in canon, with no world star this probably sucks the worst for Lupin.

Okay I’m actually crying already

I’ve been wanting a babyfic since the first one I read

This is such a hard thing to do, parenting is hard without the trauma and sob storying

Chapter two

I wonder how they are going to reincorporate Sirius

And I’m concerned about Harry’s quietness, I feel like that’s not consistent with who he grows up to be

Hoping for some baby Ron and harry content eventually 

I never give Kudos until the end of the fic, this is incredible and I absolutely adore it already

Literally crying from how sad Remus is Jesus

Chapter three

YES love old lady gossip

Neris is so cute delicious

Plus Harry is opening up a lot, so far very happy chapter!

So gay bruh

HARRY BEING SAD TOO IS KILLING ME JUST A BABY FR

This is actually fucking INFURIATING him being like “Sirius never loved us” like BRO I know you’re being LIED TO but I CANNOT HANDLE IT TOO SAD

Chapter four

Now I need to be a depressed widow with a three year old son who loves me

Like I think just having a child would patch my soul

This is actually the cutest thing ever love love love

I think me and remus lupin are the same person

Like gay traumatized werewolf = teenaged girl

“Oh the memories, oh the love” SO ME

YES RON AND HARRY BEST FRIENDS IM GONNA SOB

Damn he’s in love with Sirius fr fr

Can tell this is a shift, so gonna do a small recap

Wonderful characterization

Remus kind of being forced to push forward is great narratively, a little concerned about how it will work with pacing

They write Harry very well, not annoying as children can often be in fic

Chapter five

This is what I wanted, you see James and Lily in harry and remus is just thoughtful and reflective enough to show the audience the importance of this its just MWAH

Oh my god

Baby trauma. He’s so cute and being such a little bitch

Literally so sad, like remus is such a better parent than the Dursleys could ever be but him knowing what harry had makes it sad

If I have to read “angry fucks” again im gonna lose it, say sex please, at least sometimes

YES HE’S FREEEE

Chapter six

God this sucks, like I know they aren’t truly in danger but the emotional turmoil goes crazy

3 chapters till we get Sirius saying it now

Cannot understate how much remus’s pining and distraught connects to me

Like I can tell they were in love but SO TOXIC which, again, is teenage girl core

Not to diminish the relationship, I think the way teenage girls evaluate breakups and romance is like peak human condition and is incredibly poignant amidst the issues of war and death and loss.

YES FUCK YES HELL YEAH INNOCENT INNOCENT INNOCENTTTTTT FUCK PETER HATE THAT SON OF A BITCH

Chapter seven

UGH I know I said fuck Peter but this still sucks ass

When do I get to see Sirius. Ik I said 3 chapters but I didn’t mean it

Damn Petes evil as fuck

The justice in him being DECLARED innocent is so beautiful. I wish that could’ve happened in the books, he died being known as a shitty, terrible human being

Chapter eight

Ok skip this shit and jump to the gay sex I do not want a flashback rn I need TEARS

Jk obviously its important and builds suspense, well written two with good symbolism

Fuck fuck fuck fuck just kiss please I need them to kiss please

Like I actually cannot watch them be fucking roommates ill vomit

Sobbing sobbing sobbing “I hope not” Jesus fucking christ let me suck the authors dick I love this sm

Chapter nine

Just taking in the idea that both Sirius and Harry see each other as a replacement for James in the books, that is such a beautiful like concept with such horrible influences on how they treat each other and I really want to see how its reconciled here, if its relevant at all

Harry with his two dads that barely speak to each other

I do need reconciliation but making sure the weight of tragedy is like there also seems important

But also, please, just fuck already

Chapter ten

Ok remus time to put your big boy pants on and apologize

Like actually nothing will fix itself until you say sorry man

“He’s pack” BRUH harry

Pls having to tell everyone you’re living with this famous not-criminal is so funny I actually am losing it

Pls just be nice to each other for once bruh

Yay!! Nice!!

They’re so like fucked up its messy brother

Chapter eleven

THIS IS SO CUTE IM GONNA KMS

The dog plushie, the memory album, literally everything god I love Christmas

Omfg. Sweater. Sobbing.

AND HITTING ME WITH ANGST AT THE END. This is such a good joy-depression balance

Like its SO SO SAD like irrevocably depressing and filled with grief but also like LIFE and CHILDHOOD and JOY and bruuuhh

Chapter twelve

evil

Chapter fourteen

Basically skipped twelve and thirteen

Jesus Christ

That was gay sex fs

The dementors kiss scene was fucking heart breaking, like devastatingly sad but obviously Peter deserved it

Actually idk, soullessness is so horrific

Then THE KISS and the SEX and everything it was so raw and good and Jesus fucking christ

I want to have sex with eric again bruh

Just so sad, and so happy at the end with the talk of learning to live with it and just UGH amazing I love it

Literally cannot think of a critique atm, im sure ill have some at the end though

FULL RECAP

Yes I know I skipped 16 and 17 and I'm sorry.

Overall this story was INCREDIBLE. I loved the writing style, such a good amount of angst, and an easy to follow narrative. It raised Harry like exactly how I wanted and was so cutey and sweetly and UGH. I will say I wish there was more to the plot than “everyone is sad and trying to not be anymore”While that is a completely reasonable story, it does make it a little boring. But because this fic is fairly short it works out alright. My only true criticism is going to be on the pacing. I am not sure at all when Harry and Remus were introduced to each other, or how far after that Sirius came into their lives. I also think Harry and Sirius’ connection, while amazing, was a bit unrealistic at the beginning. For a child with this much past to IMMEDIATELY latch onto someone like this is kinda wild, but it works for the story so no big deal honestly. I think characterizations were good, not great. However, this is a situation we haven’t seen marauders in and I’m not super familiar with how marauders are usually characterized outside of reading the books and watching movies, so I’d reevaluate characterization stuff once im more engrossed in the fandom.

This is something I just thought about while adding tags, having moody in this fic was nice. He's a character I'd like to see more out of what I've read so far in marauders

9/10, truly loved this one

[jaydovekj]

im literally so obsessed with everything you post on ao3. I've read 2/3 fics (about to start "he loves me not") and the way you write just pulls people in.

like. I got so emotional about "mutually assured destruction"; it's crazy. you have one of the most human interpretations of kristoph gavin ever. (/vpos, by. the way)he's a person. he's so painfully human. it makes the bad things he does hurt that much worse. the way kristoph introduced himself to phoenix? yeah. Im crazy. he knows. kristoph knows what he did. he couldn't have expected to become as close to phoenix as he became. you write emotions so well. they feel so raw and real in a way that fits the individual characters so well. also you reminded me of my personal interpretation of kristoph being genuinely jealous of klavier & thus harboring distaste (hate, maybe.) for his little brother over the years. that one sentence in "mutually assured destruction" that was like ""everyone in the fucking world loves klavier gavin."‘God forbid I resent that the entire damned world is obsessed with Klavier Gavin.’" I love to think that kristoph can be just so bitter and jealous and petty sometimes and this pic fueled it and THEN phoenix replying, "‘Nobody else is,’ says Phoenix. ‘Just you.’" I'm,,,, crazy over them,,,,,,, call him out like that ig phoenix. go off???

ALSO. im absolutely crazy over phoenix's reaction to the breakdown. then phoenix knowing kristoph isn't afraid of needles and recalling that, when said man is on death row and to be put down with such drugs to shut his body dow. only kristoph's family and phoenix showing up to the funeral. and last? phoenix recalling how kristoph mentioned that he wanted to be cremated when he dies. god, the whole concept of grief and death and such mourning that would come from kristoph being on death row (which very well might've happened in canon!) and thus executed is something I don't think is explored enough. for me? literally makes my heart ache so badly. maybe its my own fear of death speaking for me, but I think death row would be the worst way to go. so much potential, yet kristoph wouldve done more harm than good anyway. mortality is such an interesting topic to me.

also?? the car crash thing for kristoph is SO good, oh my goodness. it fits. like, actually? perfect. in "piano, forté", for instance, you can see how different klavier notices kristoph to be after the car crash. sure, not a fix based on the canon timeline but it applies nonetheless.

KRISTOPH HAVING (nerdy, in klavier's words) TATTOOS>>>>>>>>

the entire thing about kristoph being someone phoenix settles for instead of miles.... ohhhhhh............. I love the idea that kristoph loves phoenix. like, really, he loves him. why else would someone so cynical and logic-driven try to get phoenix a non guilty verdict when it wouldn't benefit him? what I mean is, if phoenix went to jail/got the death sentence for murder in turnabout trump, the loose ends would be tied up. who would be working towards fixing phoenix's reputation/opening back up the topic of what happened to get phoenix disbarred when he's dead, dykwim? instead, he pointed apollo's finger at olga orly so many times.

phoenix missing kristoph.

kristoph saying phoenix would never be rid of him. and its true; kristoph will live on through phoenix, apollo, and klavier. he's changed so many lives, mostly negatively, but god, doesn't it hurt phoenix to think of life without having known kristoph gavin? dykwim? that's how I mostly interpreted it anyways, along w/ the lasting psychological effects and trauma and stuff kristoph caused.

honestly? I didnt spend much time thinking about krisnix till I read your fics and now I cannot STOP. in the best way possible. god, you just get them, dykwim??????

ARE YOU THE KRISNIX & LITERATURE PERSON

er yes i believe i am!! that sounds like me tee hee,, how can i help?

[tomonari-nue]

Toji, Nanami, Gojou and Sukuna for the ask game please? You can do one by one or together as you see fit.

oh you're killing me here JKBSJBKDBKJD this is gonna be a long one my lads!

Nanami's been answered here!

Toji

favorite thing about them

he's an amazingly written character – everything about him was tragic from start to finish; his upbringing, his short lived joy, his eventual downfall. he embodies everything about the notion of "if everyone says i am nothing i might as well be nothing". the grief, the hopelessness, the anger, the apathy. you cannot help but mourn him just a little. just for the things that could've been.

least favorite thing about them

he's a shit father KJBDJKFBJKFBJKB–

favorite line

"Not Zenin, huh? Good for you."

brOTP

in a kinder world, him and Gojo would've been fucking hilarious.

OTP

Him and Mamaguro, the only person who had his heart [starts sobbing]

nOTP

idk man dude's 6ft under, he isnt gettin any anymore (i hope)

random headcanon

If he had lived and semi-turned his life around, he would have a severe disconnect on how to bond with his children. Megumi would be 15 and Toji would get him a toy truck bc kids like that yeah? all his bonding ides are basically more fit for kids under ten and not like. teenagers.

unpopular opinion

i genuinely think he did love his kids on some level. maybe it was unconventional, maybe it wasn't enough, but he still loved them.

song i associate with them

Ghost by Confetti

favorite picture of them

Gojo

favorite thing about them

HE CARES. FUCKING HELL HE CARES SO MUCH ABOUT PEOPLE, HIS FRIENDS, HIS COLLEAGUES, HUMANITY IN GENERAL. he is delightfully complex and despite all his trauma, he still cares. he cares enough to desire to shape a better world for whomever comes after him. he wants everyone's future to be brighter, to be kinder, he wants everyone to not live through what he has, no matter how strong that made him.

least favorite thing about them

his hair when he takes his blindfold off and his furby-looking ghost peepers. look away, bastard, I SAID LOOK AWAY– also the fact that he's like. 190cm+ what the fuck do you need all that height for

favorite line

"I refuse to keep this kid from living the best years of his life. Not just him, but everyone." [SOBS]

brOTP

Gojo & Megumi (& Tsumiki), Gojo & Shoko, Gojo & literally any or all his students, Gojo & Nanami

OTP

Nanago and Satosugu are literally both great but Satosugu hurts me more, so im going with Nanago bc im a lil bitch

nOTP

Gohime – i dont really see it, but they make hilarious friends. Gojo & Miwa – SHE'S LIKE. 17.

random headcanon

He does NOT like cockroaches. He will literally get Megumi or anyone else to go get them for him. He's just not a fan! They get in everywhere and seem unkillable and they FLY for fucks sake! -7/10, would not recommend!

unpopular opinion

he's not a flirt – he's just good-looking and he knows it and how to utilize it when the situation calls for it.

song i associate with them

Borderline by Tove Styrke [Vanic Remix]

favorite picture of them

Sukuna

favorite thing about them

he's so fucking evil. i love him. this guy is vile, he knows no mercy, he does what he fucking wants without any rhyme or reason. he is the pinnacle of absolute evil and worst of all, he knows how to use his powers. this guy isnt stupid! he's a smart egomaniac with no regards for human life – all that exist are his pleasures and displeasures alone, and he so damn good at it bc finally, FINALLY, we get just some bastard being fucking evil bc he CAN and he WANTS to.

least favorite thing about them

literally all of the above. i love him being evil but also i want to see him 6ft under. i want him dead. i want Yuuji to deck him. but a big moment for me was when HE KILLED MY BABY BOY YUUJI. also the fact that his og form doesnt have an actual canon appearance yet

favorite line

"Know your place, fool." "Bakana." and "Ganbare, ganbare." are a close second

brOTP

Sukuna & Uraume – Evil Besties <3 also Sukuna & Yuuji if the series were more of a whole "weird homicidal demon stuck in my head and learning how to be human" situation

OTP

Sukuna x Immediate Death <3

nOTP

Sukuna x Total World Domination </3

random headcanon

He's useless in modern society. Sure, he passively picks up the knowledge from Yuuji bc Brain Roommates and all but. He screeches when the toast pops up from the toaster. He kicks a vacuum to death bc he hates the noise. He probably also got nearly run over by a truck and proceeded to try and fight the aforementioned vehicle.

unpopular opinion

i think he finds meek people boring. all they do is snivel around and cower, its no fun for him, so he might as well just kill them now.

song i associate with them

Play with Fire by Sam Tinnesz

favorite picture of them

I KNOW I KNOW OG!SUKUNA SHOULD BE THERE BUT THIS MOMENT WAS GREAT

(ask me about my opinions on the jjk characters!)

[sensitiveandhungry]

get to know me game !!

tagged by @bbujiikseu <3

birthday: april 10th

favorite color: purples and bright/dark yellows and lots of greens and blues

do you have any pets? i don't have any of my own but i have my family dog Buster <3

how tall are you?: 170 cm (5'7) :,) unfortunately

how many pairs of shoes do you own?: 15 but i definitely wear five the most

favorite song: every few days it changes, right now its "Let You Break My Heart Again" by Laufey and the Philharmonia Orchestra

favorite movie: also changes from moment to moment but I can confidently say that overall I will never get tired of Thor: Ragnarok

who would be your ideal partner?: wow, so many things. to be simple and succinct he needs to be respectful and patient, asks for consent, is honest and truthful, and loyal. And, of course loves me for me. can also deal with my antics, insecurities, etc

do you want children?: honestly, i'm not sure. i do but also the idea of being in charge of another human being and responsible for how it turns out is terrifying to me. also no thank you to child birth. since i was in middle school i have wanted to adopt, and would ideally like to adopt teenagers so i can help them and give them the resources they need in the last few years before they become adults. i want to be able to put more functioning adults out in the world, even if its only one or two.

have you gotten in trouble with the law?: no sir no ma'am

what color socks are you wearing?: no socks right now but earlier today i was wearing grey socks with lavender borders and cartoon cows on it. cows are my favorite animal. they are my favorite socks.

favorite type of music: girl i love so much music, number one is just pop. overall, all sub-genres. k-pop of course, duh, hello. lately r&b is just SO GOOD? so yeah that too. and i really life soft pop/rock/bedroom type beats.

how many pillows do you sleep with?: four pillows, a quilt and two blankets, two stuffies. anything less its just not heavy enough i need a nest

what position do you sleep in?: all of the above? primarily a stomach sleeper but i can fall asleep on my side or back too. but i always wake up on my stomach

what don’t you like when you’re sleeping?: being cold. it is the absolute worst. i also hate sleeping with like no weight on me. def can't do just a sheet and can hardly do just a comforter/duvet. <<this is kana's response but literally me too. we are the same.

what do you have for breakfast?: it depends on the day and my schedule. with a few exceptions, M,W,F I eat nutella toast, T,Th I have chocolate protein milk with apple cinnamon nutrigrain bars. On the weekends I make homemade egg 'mcmuffins' with english muffins, over-easy eggs, american cheese, and occasionally bacon.

have you tried archery?: yes! it is so much fun although im not much good at it

favorite fruit?: hmmm pomegranates and maybe plums too <<< once again kana's response but as usual, we are, in fact, the same

are you a good liar?: it depends. partial truths? yes. blatant lies to people's faces? no jfsdhlgdks

What’s your personality type?: as a kid i was an enfp, for a short while i was an istp, and now i am an infp

innie or outtie? i have the deepest innie belly button you will ever see in your entire life jfkjf. genuinely like the size of a thimble

left handed or right handed?: right handed, always wanted to be ambidextrous

favorite food: carbohydrates. pasta, bread, rice, potatoes. :)

favorite foreign food?: just like kana i love phad thai. it is so good i just- *faints*

am i clean or messy?: i'm def unorganized, but i also hate messes but bc of my anxiety i never know where to start with cleaning until it piles up to the point where i'm so stressed i can't let it sit dkfjd <<kana's response, yet again. but me too, down to the last word.

most used phrase: lately i just call everything garbage. that is garbage. his behavior was garbage. i feel like garbage. also many different variations that include "oh, holy, thank, god, heavens, good lord above"

how long does it take for you to get ready?: i like having lots of time to get ready so i can be relaxed and happy while doing so. so like two hours? but if need be i can also get ready in less than five minutes. anything in between.

do you talk to yourself?: yes because how else would i stay sane, hm?? its mostly like humming, dancing, telling myself what i need to do and get done, or just narrating my every move. also if you don't act like you're filming a youtube video when getting ready in the morning, you are wrong

do you sing to yourself?: girl literally constantly. catch a time when i am not singing. if i am not singing i have a song in my head. currently it's "Moonlight" by Ariana Grande

are you a good singer?: actually yes. the one skill i can confidently say i have, is the ability to sing well. very well. incredibly well. fun fact, my only claim to fame is that i sang the star spangled banner as a solo for my high school graduation, attendance of over 5,000 people. and yes i did have to go through an audition process to do so.

biggest fear: never falling in love. synonymous with being alone/dying alone, but specifically never falling in love. never getting married. never having a boyfriend. that is just absolutely terrifying to me. worse than death

do you like long hair or short hair?: i like me with all the hairs. been wanting to shave my head for like five years and still haven't. everyone else can also do whatever makes them happy. it is your hair not mine

favorite school subject: choir :D this is unsurprising. also yoga. literally the best class EVER

extrovert or introvert?: i am a loud introvert. i love hanging out with people and making friends but my social battery dies quickly and i also have to be in a certain mood to want to interact with people. <<kana's response, but me too. extroverted introvert. also, i am shy. so approach me first and then i am an open book

what makes you nervous?: small, tight spaces, big crowds, loud music / sounds (like to the point where i can't hear myself speak or think), uhhh a lot of things lol <<kana and me are the same

who was your first real crush?: my older sisters tried to push the idea of crushes on me literally since i was five. so my first "crush" was a kid named Jace in my kindergarten class. but if we're talking actual genuine interest in someone for the first time? probably a kid named Gage in fourth grade.

how many piercings?: i have two lol. just on my ear lobes. <<me too, kana

how many tattoos?: zero! i have issues with permanence when it comes to my body, it took me until i was 14 to even pierce my ears. i have interest in the fake tattoos that last a couple months tho!

how fast can you run?: honestly pretty fast. but i would not win a race

what color is your hair?: a really pretty brown. currently growing out bad highlights from middle school i had to spend hundreds of dollars correcting, also a hint of purple from a tint i use

what color are your eyes?: a lovely brown that looks especially pretty in the sun !!

what makes you angry?: people who don't take no for an answer, people who think they're the coolest ever even when they're actually dicks, being blatantly ignored but not being told what i did wrong <<yeah me too, kana

do you like your name?: i am indifferent. i used to hate it as a kid and was bullied for the way it was spelled, told it didn't make sense to spell it Lindsay when you pronounce it Lindzee, but i do in fact have the original Scottish spelling of the name.

do you want a boy or a girl as a child?: i am entirely indifferent! whoever i can adopt i will. also however they may want to identify later in life.

what are your strengths?: girl i dont know what to say. i can sing. i try my very hardest at most things. i am strong and brave. i have a gift for empathy, to a fault. i care and love almost too much.

what are your weaknesses?: same as my strengths, empathy, caring, and love are also my weaknesses. i am also wayyy too sensitive, i overthink, and take everything personally.

what’s the color of your bedspread?: sky blue with white roses

color of your room: white :( not allowed to paint it

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

im not very sure if you're doing abcs for the trio but if u do could u pls maybe do C N O and S for vlad? <3

No worries! I don't see why not, my knowledge is just a little more limited for them is all~

Hope you enjoy these, lovely! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Aight y’all it’s time for me to put on my clown shoes as god intended

Though man, what a delightfully rainy day today to write =v=

Fluff ABCs Template here

Cuddling -- How does he like to cuddle?

He is a simple man, with simple needs.

That being said, I think he’s one for a lot of gentle affection. Despite appearances–I mean hell, he literally wears a necklace of thorns–he’s actually a very tender lover. Loves hand-holding, scooting close under umbrellas, making shapes out of the little beauty marks that dot her skin. He will take any excuse to hold her and run with it.

Ideally, I think he prefers privacy above all else, most typically in his room in the castle. This side of him, so soft with his love for her, belongs to her and her alone. He refuses to let anyone else kill his immersion the moment (cue Charles dragging Faust away from doing something disruptive and stupid), or indulge in the sight of her so rosy-cheeked and loving. Loves dropping little kisses to the crown of her head, her shoulders, the backs of her hands. He’s waited so many long years to be able to hold her close like this, to feel the heat of her blush and the tinkle of sweet giggles when he nips and pecks at her pretty skin. All of this, every single second, is beyond value to him…he cherishes each memory close to his heart, crystallized fragments of joy in a life so bereft of it.

His favorite position for cuddling tends to be a kind of side lean. Usually she’ll be lying down (or turned towards him, sometimes) while he’s on his side beside her (usually against a wall or the back of a sofa). He loves that he can gaze at her as much as he likes this way, he really can’t get enough. The person he was searching for all this time, right here, no sign of leaving…

Nightmare -- What is his worst fear?

Oh boyo boy. Oh boy...

Honestly, I really don’t see anything horrifying him as much as losing MC. I don’t think he’s a man above fear. He hates being abandoned, he’s afraid of the world being torn apart by humanity’s indifference.

But nothing compares to the shattering fear of losing MC.

I think he has a very particular intense fear about losing loved ones because of the nature of his life history. He is still deeply affected by his entire clan being wiped out by hunters, leaving him alone to carry the weight of that legacy and loss. While he couldn’t help but give his heart to the woman who saved him, the reality of his terror is undeniable. After so many centuries of searching, after so many years of feeling hollow and alone…Even now, he has never come to terms with the way his family was ripped away from him. To know the gentleness of love again, to finally have a hand to hold only to lose it…

Well, I really can’t imagine the terrifying result of that. I imagine he would be far beyond reason.

Whenever he has bad dreams of the very same fear, he is nigh inconsolable. He holds her very tightly without saying a word (which is unlike him) and she'll know not to let him go for a while. She murmurs calming things, promises of things they'll do together in the future, strokes his hair and rubs his back. They only leave the bed when he's feeling somewhat stabilized again, but even so he'll hold her hand for longer than usual days after. Embraces her more, finds any excuse to hide away.

Oddity -- What is one quirk he has?

I think one part of him that is overlooked is that he is a man very interested in the nature of contradiction, the duality that resides in all things–himself included. Some parts of his preoccupation are more obvious than others. For instance, he loves flowers due to the nature of their ephemeral beauty, but also enjoys trying to preserve them to let their appeal survive. There’s also the fact that flowers can look or smell lovely, but can harbor poisons strong enough to kill grown human beings. (Not unlike him.)

He is a vampire in which the front-end of his operations is a cathedral, and I imagine that was a purposeful move as well. There are so many angles to consider here, namely two obvious ones that come to mind. There is the non-threatening concept of the cathedral: in which people assume it is a safe haven, a place to seek care/assistance/prayer (not entirely so in this case, even if Faust plays priest.) There’s the possibility that vampire hunters are typically supplied by/supported by the church (not sure if this is the case here, but it is a common trope). That would mean Vlad would be using the face of the very human institution that ruined his life to enact revenge, to say nothing of the potential risk of hunters seeking sanctuary only to run into a den of vampires.

There is also wondering whether or not he purposely wears that necklace of thorns ;;;;; (For anyone unaware, there was the whole Jesus wearing a crown of thorns specifically as an extension of humiliation, branding him the “fake king" of the Jewish people.) My contention here would be that he is basically saying “lmao, I’m your suffering saint now.” Or maybe he’s just really into masochistic jewelry, I have no idea.

He appears to have a kind of obsession with subverting norms/conventional expectations, and I have to wonder if it runs with his general underdog theme…

Secrets -- How open is he with her?

Despite his generally guarded nature, with MC he is entirely transparent when they’re in a relationship. Unless he doesn’t want to scare her or simply feels something would be best shared at a later time, he makes no real attempt to hide anything from her. If she asks and he knows the answer, he’ll spill.

(Okay but sometimes it gets hilarious, because say Faust has been trying for years to get info out of him about some stupidly specific thing. And Vlad is always very evasive, dances out of reach, plain ignores him. MC asks and he’s just like “oh yeah, in 1582 I remember–” It’s a wonder Faust never throws hands about it, pisses him off so much LMFAO)

Before their relationship was established he hesitated more, largely because the nature of his existence and his ties to her were a lot to take in at the time. I think he prefers not to overwhelm her whenever possible. It’s very much a kind of “I won’t info drop on you thoughtlessly, but if you ask me a question I’ll do my best to answer with the truth.”

[hawkwhore]

hi hi hi could i request a hawk imagine where it’s an enemies to lovers kinda thing, so hawk is still in cobra kai and y/n is in miyagi do. basically tori hurts her and he sees her after and gets protective over her, then they get close and kinda secretly date... something like that haha THANK YOUUU <33333

Do Better — Eli Hawk Moskowitz x Female!Reader

HI OMG IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. I literally had an entirely different fic at like 8k words for this before I decided it didn’t fit close enough to the prompt and I just completely started over and this one was even longer than the first so that’s why it took me literal ages LOL.

includes; swearing, fluff, fighting, so much angst

words; 11,394 (im sorry its a whole ass novel)

this takes place late s2, after demetri and hawk’s friendship ends but before eagle fang forms!

Most of your time in high-school you spent in a bubble, keeping to yourself and just your few friends. You didn’t involve yourself in other people’s crap very often, but when an all-out karate war happened at the end of your junior year, you couldn’t keep lurking in the shadows anymore.

Bullying was becoming heavy at your school, and while you weren’t usually a target, you grew tired of watching other people get hurt. Primarily, by a familiar face to you-- Eli Moskowitz.

Not that you knew him particularly well, but you remembered the shy boy you’d shared classes with, and you always tried your best to be nice to him knowing how others treated him.

You never would’ve thought that now he’d be the bully, destroying the confidence of other kids who were just like him.

“Look at this kid,” He laughed to his friend, Mitch. The two boys were standing in the hall, hovering over a small, scrawny boy who looked terrified. “You wanna be in Cobra Kai? Well, see, we had to be un-flinched first. We can do that for you right now, though. See how much you can take.” He teased, threatening a punch, watching the boy wince at his movement.

When you were in the halls on your way to your next class, you witnessed this horrible incident. You watched for a moment, before deciding that it was time for you to step out of your bubble. “Hey, leave him alone.” You said annoyedly, urging the boys to give it up.

Hawk turned to you and leered, and Mitch pushed the kid against the locker so he wouldn’t move while they dealt with you. “Be careful who you talk to like that, princess.” He moved dangerously close, and despite the feelings of anger you had towards him, your stomach dropped a little at the nickname.

Not letting it affect you, you came back bitterly. “Oh yeah? And who am I talking to, Eli?” His face contorted in disgust at the use of his real name. “You know, it’s sad, how you became everything you used to despise. I remember the other side of you, you were sweet..” You said, smiling to your self in remembrance. “And now look at you.” Looking at him in resentment, you finished.

Turning angrily on his heel at your words, Hawk punched the boy in the face and let him go running. He looked back at you with a look of victory, and Mitch smirked. “You better watch your back.” Hawk said threateningly, and knocked his shoulder into yours as he walked to his class.

Through the rest of the day, Hawk thought about you. He knew who you were; Y/N, the only girl to ever be nice to him during his shier days. He remembered the feeling he got any time you’d talked to him, and also how pretty you looked each time you did.

He had almost forgotten until then, how much he had always admired you. He even wanted to ask you out all that time ago, but now too much has changed. Way too much, clearly, because when the commercial for Miyagi-Do came out, you were quick to join.

It was that interaction with Hawk that really set you off, actually. You wanted to be able to stop the cruelty, and you thought that joining Miyagi-Do for defense would be a good start.

Little did you know, the rivalry would only grow.

As weeks passed, Miyagi-Do gained students and flourished. But in the meanwhile, Cobra Kai only got rougher, angrier, and just.. worse, in general.

You had done your best to avoid fights, (like a true Miyagi-Do would) but on a particularly bad day of yours, you were unlucky enough to find yourself running into Tory outside of school.

Being close friends with Sam, you knew to stay clear of Tory after hearing what she did to her. You thought Tory was a vile human being, though, and if she were to start anything-- she was probably the one person you wouldn’t hesitate to absolutely destroy.

When on your way to the dojo, you took a pit stop at a convenience store to pick up some snacks since you had some time to kill between after school and when practice started. You were met with an unpleasant surprise on your way out, when you saw Tory approaching the store.

The two of you made eye contact as you crossed paths, and you decided to ignore her and keep walking. Until, as you walked past each other, Tory stuck out her leg and tripped you over the concrete pathway.

“Are you kidding me, bitch?” You pushed yourself up, scoffing at her, and she smiled maniacally. “What’d you just call me?” She teased, obviously looking for a fight.

As much as you wanted to stay calm, you were pushed over the edge. “You heard me, bitch.” You repeated, letting her know you were not afraid. “What’s your problem? I keep away from you and you just can’t help yourself from starting something. I’ve never even done anything to you.” You confronted Tory, looking for an explanation for her behavior.

It was true, you’d hardly ever interacted with her-- but since you’re in Miyagi-Do and friends with Sam, she just didn’t like you. And Tory being Tory, if she didn’t like someone, she was going to be a bitch about it.

She laughed at your attempt to reason with her, and looked at you in self-satisfaction. “I just think it’d be fun to watch you bleed.” She seemed proud at the insult, stepping forward threateningly-- but you thought it was pretty lame.

Clearly, she had no real answer for the questions you asked her. She was far gone in her own world, using only anger to dictate her decisions.

You had let out a disappointed sigh, shaking your head, and turned to simply leave the situation, remembering that it wasn’t worth it. But Tory had other plans.

She grabbed your wrist, twisting it painfully forcing your body to face her. You quickly rotated it to release yourself from her grip, and punched her in the face with your newly freed hand.

“Leave me alone, Tory. This fighting for no reason crap is bullshit.” You said, stepping out of her proximity and holding your fists up in case of needed defense. Tory felt blood trickle from her nose, and as she wiped it from her face, she threw you a sickening sneer.

Seemingly avid on letting her rage out on you, she only continued. “You’re pathetic.” She cackled, taking a swing at you. You blocked this, but the movement left an opening for her to then kick your stomach, which sent you to the ground.

Before you could manage to get up again, she was hovering over you, punching your face repeatedly. It wasn’t until the pain was sinking in that you finally gained enough power to push her off, rolling forward and pinning her down tightly.

You grabbed a fistful of her hair, turning her face towards the ground. “Give it up, Tory.” She stayed quiet, breathing heavily, until she used her remaining strength to free her arm and dig her elbow into your side.

You fell back at this, and you were now both sat on the ground, mere inches from each other. “Seriously, I mean what’s the point? What are you gaining from this besides a couple of bruises?” You stood up, asking again.

You genuinely wanted to know, what could make a person so heartless. You had done nothing to provoke her, yet she was so intent on hurting you. Your question had unfortunately only sparked her rage again, the way you acted so ‘above it all,’ in Tory’s mind made her only angrier.

She rose, charging towards you for another strike, when the owner of the convenience store came out. “What the hell is this? Do I need to call the police?” The man asked. He had caught you in the blocking position of Tory’s attack, and she bitterly pushed herself off of you.

“You got lucky.” She spat, walking back towards the store she was originally on her way into. “Think about it, Tory! Why?” You yelled as she walked away, wanting your final words to sink into her.

You assured the owner that you were fine, and that he didn’t need to get the cops involved. You took out your phone and checked your complexion in the front camera, cringing seeing the cuts and bruises from Tory’s punches all over your face.

But remembering the bloody nose you had given her in your first punch, you smiled to yourself. Looking at your phone’s clock, you had certainly killed the time, but much more than you had wanted to. You were going to be late, so you texted Sam, alerting her that you got in a fight (sparing the details for later,) and that you would be late to practice.

You figured you could just clean up your cuts when you got home, it wasn’t a big deal, probably. But on your walk to the dojo, a passing car slowed at the sight of you. You started walking faster, instantly assuming the worst, but when the window rolled down, you heard a familiar, extremely unpleasant voice. Hawk.

“On your way to practice, huh? Still no car?” He taunted, knowing you still hadn’t saved up enough to buy your own. You glanced at him and rolled your eyes, continuing to walk down the sidewalk. How many enemies were you going to bump into today?

That was when he noticed your face. “Jesus, Y/N, what happened to you?” He laughed, fully stopping the car. You halted and responded annoyedly, “Tory happened. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to be late.” Turning back towards the walkway, you continued down the street.

But before you could get far, Hawk had gotten out of his car and caught up to you. “You’re not seriously headed to the dojo like that are you?” He said confusedly, trying to keep up with your pace.

You looked at him like his question was stupid, and continued walking. At your ignoring of him, he pushed his point further. “You need to clean those cuts.” He said, still following close behind you as you walked.

“Since when do you care?” You said irritated, continuing to disregard the boy’s words. At this, he finally stopped following. “You know what, fine.” He stood, speaking sharply, and you looked at him curiously at his abruptness. “Just trying to help, or, be nice or whatever.” He muttered aggravatedly, raising his hands in mocking surrender at your attitude.

You had ignored his concerns, because quite honestly you didn’t believe he was actually concerned. You had assumed it was some sort of set up for a new insult, or a way to just mess up your face even more.

“Oh yeah? That’s pretty unusual for you, isn’t it?” You said rudely, engaging back in the conversation. Hawk pursed his lips together and shifted uncomfortably.

You didn’t know it, but Hawk still cared about you. He may have changed, but his feelings for you hadn’t— as much as he tried to get them to. And right now, seeing you hurt, and since there was nobody around to judge him for it, he wanted to help you.

“Look, I’ve got some first aid stuff in my car. Let me help.” He stayed where he was, not wanting to provoke you, and spoke softly, nudging his head towards his car.

You narrowed your eyes looking at him, feeling skeptical of accepting the invitation. He noticed your hesitation, but did not back down, looking at you expectantly for an answer.

You let out an exasperated sigh, and walked towards his car without saying a word. Continuing to argue with him about it seemed like a waste of time to you at this point.

Hawk smiled to himself in relief that you gave in. Hurrying after you, he retrieved the first aid kit from the trunk of his car and ran to open the passenger seat door.

“You wanna sit?” He pointed at the seat, motioning you to take it. You dropped your bag and got in the car, still glaring at Hawk.

He seemed sincere in his intentions, but you really just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Who knows what he could really be planning?

As you took your seat, you reached out to take the kit from Hawk’s grasp. “Hold on,” he said, moving the box away from your reach.

You gave him a bothered look, scrunching your eyebrows in confusion. “Have you ever even done this before?” He said, referring to cleaning up after a fight.

“No?” You shrugged, “It can’t be that hard.” You said impatiently, reaching for the box again. “Can you please just let me do it? I’ll show you how for next time.” He practically pleaded, wanting to make sure it was done right so you healed properly.

You didn’t understand why it was such a big deal to him, but you were tired of going back and forth with him. “Whatever, just make it quick. I’ll miss all of karate class at this rate.” You complained, moving closer to the edge of the seat so Hawk could reach you.

The height of his car made you two the same height, so Hawk was face to face with you as you were seated. “Hmm, miss a Miyagi-Do lesson? I don’t see the problem.” He joked, almost making light of their rivalry.

You smiled lightly at that, playfully rolling your eyes, but not saying anything. He stood close enough to examine your face, and it was close enough to make you both nervous.

It was silent as he opened the kit and started to clean your cuts, but you broke it to ask a question that was burning in you. “Why are you doing this?”

He looked at you for a second, looking reluctant to answer your question. “What do you mean?” He dodged, continuing to tend to your bruises.

You laughed, knowing full well he knew what you meant, but deciding to answer him anyway. “Why are you helping me? We aren’t friends.” You said plainly, making sure to keep your face still.

“I don’t know, you just obviously needed it.” He brushed off the seriousness of the question, starting to dab the cloth over your lip so you couldn’t talk.

You pushed his hand away lightly. “That’s hardly an answer. You’d never help a Miyagi-Do, so why?” You snapped, not letting his hand near your face again until he answered.

He finally took a step back, and stared at you looking defeated. “You’re the only one who was ever nice to me. Before.. this.” He pointed to his hair, referring to the era of The Hawk.

You crossed your arms skeptically. “Aren’t you forgetting someone?” You asked expectantly, and he rolled his eyes. “Demetri’s different, okay? He betrayed me. But you..”

He trailed off, struggling to maintain eye contact with you. “You were never anything but good to me. You deserve better.” He said, and your heart both stung and fluttered at once, trying to figure out what was going on with him.

You wondered if his actions were truly coming from a place of sincerity. It was very unlike him to be anything but an asshole, so hearing something like that come out of his mouth really made you think.

He tried to ignore the sentiment he had just said by walking back towards you and starting to tend to your wounds again, but you only pushed him back for a second time.

“I don’t understand what happened to you.” You said sadly, examining the way he stood. “I changed.” He said monotonously, trying to avoid matching your energy of seriousness.

His hot-and-cold temper was starting to annoy you, the way he would open up just to close right back down again.

“Yeah, and not for the better. Are you even happy?” You said, frustrated, looking at him hard. His face turned sour.

“More than I was before!” He yelled, stepping towards you threateningly. You were taken aback at his outburst, suddenly feeling small as he grew angrier. “My life was hell, remember?” His voice cracked, and he tried to calm himself as he saw the way you leaned back into your seat uncomfortably.

“Look, I’m sorry for keeping you, I probably cleaned you up enough so... just go.” He said softly, sounding regretful as he moved out of the way so you could get out of the car.

You furrowed your brows in confusion. You felt completely clueless on how he was feeling, and you didn’t want to leave it like this. “Hawk-“, you started, but he cut you off. “No, just go.” He pointed away. “I was stupid to think I’d get a second chance with you.” He muttered to himself, turning to walk around to the drivers seat of his car.

“Wh— second chance? What do you mean?” You shouted after him and hopped off the seat, grabbing his arm before he could get too far.

At your tug of his arm, he looked back at you with the most intense feeling in his eyes. Not wanting to use his words anymore, Hawk turned to grab your wrist from the hand that was already resting on his arm, and pulled you against him.

Hawk smashed his lips onto yours, holding you loosely in fear of your rejection. You weren’t expecting it, but you didn’t pull away. Your kiss continued and you subconsciously shuffled backwards, now being able to lean against the side of the car as he grew more passionate in his movements.

Being with him like this felt amazing, but it was confusing, too-- you had to pull away and clear up this situation.

Finally letting each other go, Hawk looked at you with glossy eyes. You had no idea where all of this came from or what to say, so you were silent as you waited for him to explain.

He knew what you were waiting for, and sighed deeply before expressing how he felt. “I just feel like after everything, I owe you my best.” Hawk said quietly, and you waited for him to go on, having not yet made up your mind on the whole situation.

You enjoyed the kiss, yes-- but you didn’t understand why it had happened, and that was something you needed to know before anything could proceed further. Hawk was a jerk, and he was going to have a lot of explaining to do for you to suddenly be able to forget that.

He moved even closer, and reached his hand out to brush your hair away from your face. “And I don’t like seeing you hurt.” He whispered, ghosting his fingers across the bruises on your face.

You felt a shiver down your spine as he touched you, closing your eyes in the moment. “And,” he pulled away from you, his voice changing to a more regular tone again, “I don’t ever want to be the reason you feel pain. Not after all those times you helped me escape mine.” He said, reaching out to hold your hand, as he referred to how you were there for him so long ago.

Pure concern and care for Hawk overtook you as the words left his lips, and you had never felt so conflicted in your life. It made sense to you now why he would often avoid you, whereas others he’d make it his mission to pick fights with.

He had just admitted to caring about you, and that he never wanted to be at fault for your hurt. He had a reputation to uphold, but he really did have a soft spot for you that never went away.

You felt like you were talking to Eli again, as though the sweet boy he once was had never left, but you also knew that once this moment was over, he’d go back to his corrupt ways again. And that terrified you.

All these new feelings for Hawk were rising in you, but how could you act on them when he was supposed to be your enemy?

He studied your expression, waiting for you to say something. He felt more confident now, seeing as you kissed him back, but he was still nervous for whatever you were about to say.

“What do we do?” You spoke shakily, your expression timid and lost. He caressed his thumb over your hand, noticing your own nerves. “What do you mean?” He asked, not expecting that to be your first question.

“I’ve always cared about you and you know that, but then you go through all these changes and become a total dick, and now you kiss me and tell me how you care too.” You say awkwardly, trying to point out the weirdness of the situation. “I’m confused, Hawk, and afraid. We can’t be together when everything about our lives will keep us apart.” You whimpered, scattering your eye contact.

His heart leapt at the mention of you two being together, but frowned once registering the context of the words. He suddenly felt guilty, seeing how distressed you were. Maybe he shouldn’t have done this, he thought.

But it was too late now, and as he released your hand to move forward and hold you, he never wanted to let go.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled into your ear. He knew his recent actions since joining Cobra Kai weren’t exactly admirable-- he knew he should do better. But it was hard; and all he could muster right now, was an apology.

There was a lot to process in such a short moment of time, and you felt overwhelmed. You felt comforted and safe as he held you, but at the same time you felt wrong for feeling that way.

Maybe he was trying to do right by you, but would that be enough if he continued to act terribly when everyone else was around? You needed some time to think. “I should go.” You pulled away from his grasp, trying to be gentle even though your exit was abrupt.

“Oh,” he nodded, watching as you picked up your karate bag. “I just don’t want everyone at the dojo to worry.” You said, trying to rid the conversation of its tension.

He was trying to play it cool, but he was screaming on the inside, terrified that once you left you would never talk to him again. “Just promise you’ll fix that when you get home.” Referring to your still-slightly-messed-up face, he urged you, unable to refrain from making sure you took care of yourself.

You smiled sadly and nodded in response, feeling awkward about everything as you turned to walk back on your route towards the dojo. “And um,” You looked back at him once more. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” You said, assuming he wouldn’t want his Cobra Kai friends to find out he had kissed a Miyagi-Do.

His heart broke when you said this-- you basically thought he was ashamed of you? In a way you were right, he didn’t want them to know. But the guilt that spread across his face at your words, showed how badly he wanted to tell everyone just how much he liked you.

Clearing his throat, he tried to pull himself together again. “Right, yeah. See you.” He said, and watched you for a moment as you walked away.

Getting back into his car, he fought the emotions threatening to spill out, and pushed them away as he headed home. He couldn’t stop thinking about his next move, and what would happen next time he saw you.

Obviously the first thing he would want to do is kiss you, and hold you, and touch you.. but he knew that instead he would likely end up being encouraged by his friends to attack you in some way.

He couldn’t just say, ‘back off guys, she’s cool, i like her now.’ because that would definitely earn him a beating and a seat at the rejects table. He had been fighting these feelings for so long because of this exact reason, and he was pissed at himself that he couldn’t have just kept it under control for longer.

It would have been easier for him, and you. Even you were worrying as you walked to practice about what you were going to do when you saw him again. Your friends may be more forgiving than Hawk’s, but you doubted they’d be particularly thrilled about any of this news.

They would surely tell you to be careful, not to trust him, that it was just a game to find a weakness in you. These doubts inflicted your mind constantly, and it sucked that you had to figure all of it out on your own.

You were a half-hour late to karate when you arrived, and luckily Sensei Larusso had the tools to heal the remaining injuries on your face. You explained what happened with Tory, but you didn’t tell them about Hawk.

Your classmates were angry, Sam especially, and you were too. But after everything, you knew nobody in Cobra Kai was really in their right mind. Tory was an out of control girl with aggression issues, and Hawk was constantly battling a feeling of pressure and pent-up rage.

The worst thing about being in Miyagi-Do, was knowing the right way to go, and knowing that the right way was going to be a long, slow, and difficult process. It was a waiting game at this point-- how many fights would it take for the Cobra Kai kids to realize that wasn’t what they needed to do?

How much pain would they all have to endure, to realize there were better ways to solve their problems? You had only hoped that Hawk taking this step towards you was a step in the right direction-- and that maybe the rest of the Cobras would soon follow.

But until then, it was a secret. And the next few times you saw Hawk were an extreme struggle for the both of you.

Each passing day that you’d make eye contact at school, you’d both immediately look away. Neither of you had spoken or even texted since the kiss, and you were both failing miserably at proper communication.

At first, you thought that maybe the whole thing had been a mistake, and maybe it should just be left alone. But recalling everything Hawk said to you that day, you couldn’t ignore how real it felt. You wanted to be with him, but you had no clue how to go about that.

You were waiting for Hawk to make the next move, but to Hawk-- the ball was in your court. You had left him there, with no definite answer on how you felt about it, and never got back to him since. It seemed to him like you wanted to forget about it, so when one of Moon’s parties rolled around that weekend, he decided to forget about it too.

You were coming to the party, but got there late; and what a wonderful sight it was for the first thing to see as you walk in be Hawk, face inches away from another girl’s, flirting the night away.

Of course, you thought, feeling disgusted at what was in front of you. Of course everything he said was bullshit. You couldn’t figure out for the life of you what his goal was in pretending to care for you, especially when he got basically nothing out of it except a stupid kiss he could’ve gotten from anyone-- but clearly none of it was as real as you thought it was.

It’d been a few days, sure, but you thought maybe tonight you’d finally just talk to him. You watched as the girl played with the string of Hawk’s hoodie, and feeling a pang of jealousy you decided to walk by them, making sure your presence was known.

It definitely worked, because at the notice of your movements he excused himself from the conversation and followed you out towards the pool, where you had gone to get away from the sight of Hawk and the girl.

“Hey.” He whispered, as you poured yourself a drink. “Hi.” You replied boredly with your back turned to him, not exactly feeling excited to have a conversation with him.

He looked around, scoping out who may be listening, but luckily the only others outside were heavily invested in the drinking game going on at the other side of the patio.

Hawk could tell you were bothered about the girl, but didn’t understand why, since you had so obviously been avoiding him.

“Can we talk?” He asked, still being cautious as to not attract any attention. “Go ahead.” You were being difficult, but quite frankly you thought he deserved it. He made you spend days analyzing what had happened between you, only for him to move on from it after a few days?

He stomped closer, and you looked up at him. “You know we can’t talk here.” He nodded his head towards the back of the yard, hoping you’d go with him somewhere private.

You scoffed, and looked at the spot doubtfully. You were upset, but still curious to hear what he had to say. “Fine.” You rolled your eyes, feeling disappointed in yourself for giving in, but you couldn’t pretend you weren’t dying to know what the hell he was thinking.

Hawk walked eagerly to the secluded part of Moon’s property, hoping to get some clarity from you. But before Hawk could say anything, your anger got the best of you.

“So what the hell is your problem?” You started, as soon as you knew you were out of earshot from the rest of the party. Hawk looked taken aback, his eyebrows immediately coming together. “Me? What are you talking about?” He said, offended.

You looked at him in disbelief, mouth dropping open slightly. “Are you joking? Are we going to pretend you weren’t just about to make out with that girl in there?” You said, feeling a twinge of hurt from your own words.

His face knotted in confusion and annoyance. “Seriously? You’re jealous right now? After I confessed everything to you, and you avoided me for days afterwards, I was just supposed to think you actually wanted me?” He tried to keep his voice down, but his emotions were getting the better of him.

“What? I just needed some time to think! It’s not like you bothered to text me either!” You whisper-shouted, now feeling like you were missing something.

“Well when you kiss someone and they basically run away from you, who’s responsibility do you think it is to reach out after?!” He threw his arms up in bafflement, looking at you expectantly.

Your face fell to a look of guilt, and eventually his did too. Suddenly you both felt like idiots at how far you jumped to conclusions.

“I was gonna talk to you today. But when I saw you in there with that girl, all these insecurities just came over me. I thought everything you said was just some Cobra prank and it never meant anything.” Your face drooped, feeling a little embarrassed to admit any of this.

His eyes saddened, and he shook his head. “And I just thought you hated me, and that no matter what I said it’d never be enough for you to forgive me.” He explained his own worry, and your eyes started to water at his words.

Feeling overwhelmed after finally being able to piece together what had been going on this whole time, you sprung into his arms, hugging him tightly. You both stayed embraced, enjoying the feeling of comfort from each other once again, until you finally felt strong enough to pull yourself away.

He kept a hand around your head, as though cradling something delicate. “I meant everything I said that day. It’s not a scheme. I want to be with you.” He told you, proving your suspicions wrong.

You smiled weakly, feeling warm at his confession, but nervous for what’s to come. “I’m sorry I never texted you, but I just don’t get how we’re going to do this.” You said, unconvinced. “We can’t tell anyone, and despite whatever we have, there are a lot more reasons why we won’t work than will.” You look away, your mood of happiness faltering at the idea of being realistic.

“I mean, you know I like you Hawk. And maybe it’s different for us, but, I can’t exactly support the way you treat other people.” You say reluctantly, trying not to sound rude. Hawk gulped, looking down shamefully.

Not wanting to think realistically right now, he ignored what you said and pulled you closer. “We’ll figure it out.” He said sweetly, and moved his hand to lift your chin, kissing you tenderly. As nervous as you were about all of it, the way he kissed you somehow seemed to make all your worries disappear.

Just then as your lips met, sirens went off nearby. “Shit, cops?” Hawk said, breaking apart from you. You giggled at the unfortunate turn of events. “You go that way,” you pointed him in the opposite direction of where you were planning to exit, not wanting others to notice you were together. “See you around.” You said playfully, and he caught on to your plan.

Before he could give you a final peck or even say goodbye, you were gone around the corner of the house, and he wondered longingly when he’d finally be able to kiss you again.

The next couple days at school you’d both done your best to avoid looking suspicious with each other. There were many stolen glances, and lots of private texts, but you both somehow managed to keep whatever fling you two had completely under wraps.

Though you had been initially uncomfortable with the whole secret-dating-thing, you eventually gave up on worrying about what would happen if others found out. You were happy, and having a lot of fun sneaking around with Hawk.

You noticed he had even toned down some of his bullying, and your heart felt full at the thought that he might have done that for you. Of course, there were always a few ‘slip-ups’.. but he made sure you weren’t around to see those.

Even if it was difficult, it was thrilling in a way-- having make-out sessions in his car when no one was around to see, and slipping in through each others’ windows at night to see each other... 

It was fun, pretending to hate each other by day, and then not being able to stay away from each other by night. It felt like the whole school was being pranked, and you two were the only ones in on it.

It had been a few weeks now since you admitted to liking each other at Moon’s party, and you were now headed to the sports shed near the soccer field where Hawk had asked you to meet him after school.

You’d came here and gotten a little wild with him twice before, so at the invitation you fully expected to be met with an aggressive Hawk, ready to hook up. But instead when you opened the shed door, he was standing shyly and gave you the sweetest smile.

“Hey,” he said, taking a small step forward to meet where you were standing. “Hi, baby,” you grinned and kissed him chastely, taking note of the more innocent energy coming from him today.

He wrapped his arms around you, his eyes examining your face adoringly. “Um,” he said, radiating nervousness and backing up slightly. “What’s up?” You smiled at him curiously, taking his hands in yours.

After only a moment, he released his hands from your hold, and you suddenly felt concerned. Why was he acting so weird? You watched confusedly as he fiddled with the inside pocket of his jacket, not saying a word.

Pulling out a small box, he opened it to reveal a simple but beautiful silver necklace. “Hawk!” You gasped, looking at it in awe. He felt more confident at your reaction, and felt safe to say something again.

“I thought that, since we always have to act around each other, you could wear it as a reminder of how we really feel.” He said, searching your expression for some sort of approval.

You stared at him in admiration, not yet able to find the words to respond. “It’s simple, so nobody will think it means anything, but, we’ll know.” He spoke again, hoping for it to grant a response from you this time.

Your face began to bloom with happiness. Taking the box from his hands, you kissed him passionately. “I love it. Can you put it on me?” You asked cheerfully, and Hawk smiled brightly. “Yeah,” he nodded excitedly, turning you around.

You did your best to move your hair out of the way, and Hawk gently pushed the few stray strands to the side. Feeling his fingers brush across your skin, you breathed heavily. You could feel his own breath hot on your neck, as he clasped the two ends of the jewelry together.

With your back still against his torso, he placed his hands around your waist, starting to leave soft kisses against your ear, and down towards your collarbone.

You closed your eyes, soaking in the feeling, until the door of the shed barged open. You stumbled away from each other in shock, and looked to see Tory standing in front of the both of you.

“I knew it! What the hell is this, Hawk?” She screamed, prowling towards you. Feeling completely unprepared from the utter suddenness of the situation, you stepped back in fear. “What are you doing here!?” Hawk shouted, ignoring Tory’s question as he blocked her path from getting to you.

She sneered at the both of you, stopping as she noticed his protectiveness over you. “I’ve noticed how you sneak off at the end of school. I finally decided to follow you here.” She said matter-of-factly, giving you a glare.

“So what is she, Hawk? Your girlfriend?” She taunted, starting to circle you. Out of everything she’d said so far, that was the thing that actually made you the most nervous. You hadn’t actually used that word before... ‘girlfriend,’ you hadn’t really made it official, despite how much it felt like you already had.

You weren’t sure how Hawk would react now that he was caught, but you desperately hoped he would say, ‘Yes, she is, and I love her.’ But that was nowhere close, to what he said.

“What? No! We’re just having some fun, alright? It doesn’t mean anything.” He forced a laugh, stepping away from you. Your heart ached. This is what you were afraid of. You knew it was probably for the best for him to have said that, but you couldn’t ignore the hurt you felt when you heard him say it.

You wished he would’ve right then and there just admitted it, stood up for himself, and chosen you. He could’ve just told the truth, and left Cobra Kai, and been with you. But you weren’t enough. He had a reputation to uphold.

“Oh, really.” Tory scoffed, barely believing his lie as she looked between the two of you. “You can have fun with anyone, Hawk, and you a choose a Miyagi-Do?” She spat, staring him down, and his usually-confident demeanor diminished instantly. “Break it off, or I tell everyone.”

Storming off, her threat lingered in the air as the two of you stood alone, unable to meet each other’s gazes.

“Maybe we should just end this, Y/N.” Hawk spoke meekly, finally breaking the silence. Your eyes widened in horror, forcing yourself to look up at him. “What?” You said, your voice faltering. “So that’s just it then?”

Tears threatened to spill out of your eyes again as he met your stare. “We don’t have any other choice!” He shouted angrily, getting in your face. Your mouth fell agape at the way he was acting, your expression hardening.

“Yes, we DO!” You shouted back, and sobs started to escape you. You of course meant the choice being he stands up to the Cobras, and fights for your relationship. You understood his dilemma in the beginning, but at this point none of it seemed worth it to you anymore.

His eyes were fixated on you intensely, and his mind was running a mile a minute trying to figure out what to do.

“You can easily stand up to them, the Cobras! You’re stronger than all of them combined. Why won’t you fight for us?” You cried, searching for any sign in his face that showed he regretted his words. He had never said so, but you could tell the only thing holding him back was the fear of the Cobras’ reactions.

His insides scrambled with guilt watching you cry. But he had to stay strong. Unaffected, unfazed, completely unbothered. That’s how he forced his expression to appear as he turned and left the shed, leaving you alone and in pain as you watched your worst fear come true.

“Hawk!” You yelled after him, but he only kept walking. “What happened to never wanting to be the reason I felt pain?” Your voice cracked, and you wiped your tears from your face, giving up.

Your words cut into Hawk like a knife. If even possible, Hawk was hurting more than you. Each step he took farther away from where you stood, he felt his heart scatter into another piece. He wished things could be different, too-- but you were too much of a risk.

Cobra Kai may be a large reason for his troubles, but it was also the only reason he was still on top. He wanted you so bad, but he was too afraid to let go of everything else just to have you.

It was safer this way, he told himself. If nobody knew, you’d be safer. You wouldn’t have to be involved in the drama that would come from it, you wouldn’t have another reason for the Cobras to come after you, and you wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore.

Hawk repeated these things to himself over and over to make himself feel better about the way things ended. But no matter what he told himself, it was never enough for him to fully believe that he made the right choice.

Feeling helpless, you called the only person you thought might understand. “D-Demetri?” You spoke into the phone, taking a gasp for air between sobs.

“Y/N? Are you ok?” He answered, sounding worried. “I need to talk to you, can you-” You paused, trying to catch your breath. “Can you come get me?” You were nervous he wouldn’t be able to, but you needed someone in person, not over text.

You and Demetri weren’t particularly besties, so for you to call him out of the blue, crying, was extremely worrisome to him. “Uh, yeah, okay sure. I only just left so I can turn back.”

Letting out a shaky breath of relief, you thanked Demetri and hung up, walking out of the shed and towards the front of the school to where he would be meeting you. Hawk was supposed to be your ride home, but clearly that was no longer an option.

When Demetri arrived, he didn’t wait for you to get in the car, he immediately got out and walked over to you. “What happened?” He said cautiously, becoming nervous about having to deal with others’ emotions.

He was never particularly great at consolation, being the awkward and blunt person he is-- and he really didn’t want to make things worse for you.

“It’s Eli,” You said, trying to hold back your tears. “I did something really stupid.” Your lip quivered, feeling embarrassed talking about it. You weren’t supposed to tell anyone about you and Hawk, but at this point, you had nothing left to lose.

Demetri looked at you confused. “What do you mean?” To his knowledge, you and Hawk barely conversed, and there should be absolutely no reason whatsoever for you to be crying over him.

The closer you got to explaining it, the harder it got to contain your emotions. Despite knowing Demetri wasn’t very keen on hugs, you ran into him, desperate for the feeling of comfort.

At this point, Demetri’s level of concern was on the rise. Why on earth would you hug him? That’s never happened before. “I just thought you’d be the only one who would understand... if I told someone.” You spoke, words slightly muffled as you were pressed into his chest.

Reluctantly, Demetri accepted your hug and rested his arms around you. “Okay, Y/N, you’re scaring me. What did he do?” He asked, looking down at you.

Gaining the courage to explain yourself, to Demetri’s relief you let go of him and steadied your breathing. “A few weeks ago.. Hawk and I kissed.” You said hesitantly, preparing for the worst.

“What?” Demetri’s face scrunched into the most confused and offended look you’d ever seen him wear. “I know, okay, just wait.” You told him, hoping he would hear you out.

“I thought it was just a stupid mistake, or something?” You began, recalling the uncertainty you felt when it first happened. “But then he said all this stuff about how much he cared about me, and it turns out we actually have something real.”

Aware of the weirdness of what you were saying, you looked to see how Demetri was handling it. He showed a look of understanding, but you could tell he was simply masking the discomfort he was truly feeling. “It was really confusing at first, but then we started secretly dating.. because we knew everyone would flip if they found out.” You continued, the awkwardness worsening with each sentence spoken.

Demetri’s eyebrows rose. “Dating?” You visibly cringed at the reaction, but carried on with your story. “And he even started being nicer to people!” You mentioned, hoping to make the situation seem like you weren’t a complete idiot for allowing it to happen. “Because, I told him I didn’t think I could be with him-- with the way he treats people, you know? And things were actually going well until today--”

You took a moment, preparing the end of your explanation in the hopes you wouldn’t start to cry through it. Demetri looked at you impatiently.

“When Tory found us together and threatened to tell everyone about us if we didn’t break it off, and then Hawk just left me there and said that we should end things because he’s a coward and can’t do what’s right because HE WANTS TO LOOK COOL.” You shouted, running through the sentences fast and furiously. Instead of getting sad like you thought you would, you got angry. Ah yes, another stage of grief.

Demetri looked slightly scared of you at your sudden tantrum, but having heard your story, he did understand what you were feeling-- because in a way, it had happened to him too. This time, it was him who reached out to hug you, and you appreciated him for it. Hugs always seemed to make you feel calm.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I know how it feels. He’s stuck right now, but we can’t give up, okay? He’ll come around.” He said honestly, awkwardly patting your back. You laughed a tiny bit, seeing Demetri trying to console, but you were grateful for his presence.

You released each other from the hug, and you wiped any leftover tears off of your face. “Thanks, Demetri.” You said, smiling sweetly. He nodded, placing his hand on your arm in reassurance, and motioned for you to follow to his car.

The ride back to your house was quiet, but your thoughts were busy and loud. That’s how things were for awhile after that day. You kept to yourself again, and though you tried to look alive, you felt like you had retreated back inside the bubble you worked so hard to get out of.

You went to school, you went to karate, you did whatever responsibilities you had to do-- but for the rest of your free time, you spent it alone in your room, wondering what it would take for Hawk to come back to you.

It was unhealthy, really, how you would wait everyday for a sign of acknowledgement from Hawk, and decline any other social invitation because you never got one.

You even wore the necklace, everyday, in hopes that he’d notice and remember how much you meant to him. But it never worked. He never came back.

You got away with the isolation for awhile, but people were starting to notice how you’ve been pulling away. At least you had Demetri to cover for you once and awhile, to help keep up the facade that you were okay.

Because, you weren’t. You wondered if Hawk was, though. He certainly seemed like he was okay, but he couldn’t be. For your own peace of mind, you had to think he couldn’t be. To think that he was doing just fine while you were spending your days miserable, wouldn’t be fair.

He’s stuck right now, but he’ll come around. Demetri’s words echoed in your head, wondering if they were even true. Would he ever really come around? Is he in too deep? The thoughts scared you beyond belief, but as more days passed, the more you believed them.

You eventually forced yourself to stop caring. To stop thinking about it, and to just give it up. You’d spent too long waiting for him, and you were done letting his actions control your happiness. Although there was a part of you that could never really stop caring, you convinced yourself that it was gone.

After a few weeks, you stopped wearing the necklace. When you showed up to school without it on, it was the first time Hawk had noticeably looked at you since the breakup. He always avoided your eye contact, but that day he locked them onto yours as you passed him in the hall. His gaze flickered from your eyes to your neck, and you could see the glum look all over his face.

As much as you wanted to give in to the hope that he missed you, you ignored it. You weren’t going to let any of those thoughts in again-- not when you already worked so hard to let go of them.

Hawk watched you make your way through the corridors, hardly caring who noticed. While you may have had the ability to attempt to move on, he didn’t. It was his fault any of this happened after all, and it was completely up to him whether or not he could fix things between you.

The pressure of knowing he was the only reason for your and his despair was agonizing, and with the necklace no longer around your neck, he realized he was running out of time.

Time is what he thought he had, to turn things around for himself, and you. But his window was closing, and he was panicking.

Not knowing what else to do, Hawk waited a few blocks away from where you trained at Miyagi-Do, knowing he’d catch you on your walk home.

Making your way down the sidewalk after practice, you were completely unsuspecting when Hawk jumped out of his car and jogged towards you.

Things had really come full circle now, hadn’t they? You, walking home on that same sidewalk, pure disgust for Hawk in your veins as he tried to catch up with you.

You stopped short as Hawk stood in front of you, blocking your path. You were nervous and confused at his intrusion, and decided not to bother avoiding him right now.

His stare towards you was intense, and you only glared back, waiting for him to say what he needed to say.

“You stopped wearing the necklace.” He said it so plainly, you couldn’t tell what kind of response he was looking for. It seemed almost like a question in disguise-- why did you stop wearing the necklace, perhaps?

He was looking at you eagerly, though trying to hide the desperation behind the statement.

“Yeah, and?” You laughed at him, matching his tone of carelessness. He looked like he didn’t understand, so you continued. “What’d you expect? That I’d just keep waiting for you?” You said unpleasantly, with a hint of sadness in your own voice.

A shameful look glossed over his features, but you only kept going. “It’s obvious you’re not coming back, Hawk.” You smile at him mockingly, enjoying the feeling of guilt you were giving him.

He tried to stay strong, but every word you spoke was like a hit to his built-up walls, and they were so close to falling down.

“I spent weeks wondering what I’d have to do to get you to come back to me. To choose me.” You said, your voice calm, but the rest of you not. Your body was shaking with anger now, but your eyes were brimming with tears.

“Until,” You sniffled, gaining a tone of indifference, “I finally realized there was nothing for me to do. You just weren’t coming.” You were almost smiling through the pain, and Hawk looked at you in a loss for words.

You appeared so fragile to him, he just wanted to wrap you in his arms and spout apology after apology for what he’d caused. Seeing your eyes squint in attempt to hold back the waterworks, physically pained him.

“So yeah, I stopped wearing the necklace. But you know what?” You stepped forward confidently, despite the single tear that had just fallen down your face. “I think it hurt more wearing it than it did taking it off.” You finished with hardly any emotion in your voice, and Hawk looked mortified seeing you try to act so unaffected.

He had been silent through your whole exchange, because he knew there was nothing he could say now to make things better. He had done too much damage, and he had caused you too much pain. He did exactly what he said he’d never do.

You waited for him to say something, anything-- but as your eyes bore into his strongly, he couldn’t find the courage to speak. The disappointment was immense, and feeling hopeless once again, you pushed past him to go home.

Panicking at your leave, Hawk grabbed onto your arm. “Y/N, Wait, please-” “No!” You cut him off, looking at him coldly. His face was red, and his eyes were stinging now, too. Ignoring the feeling you got when you saw him like that, you ripped your arm from his grasp. “I’ve waited long enough.”

You turned to leave again, and this time, Hawk didn’t follow. There was only one thing Hawk could do now to get you back, and you knew he wasn’t ready for it. There was no use in you hanging around for him anymore, you deserved better. You deserved someone who cared enough that they’d do what it takes to be with you, regardless of social status.

You didn’t even care if he stayed in Cobra Kai, you just wanted him to stand up to his friends and be proud that he was with you. Didn’t he realize that he was one of the strongest Cobras, and that he could get through any of their shit? If his biggest problem was Tory, he hardly had any reason to stay quiet. You knew deep down he could do better.

Hawk hadn’t understood that then, but as he lingered on you walking away, something clicked in his head.

Maybe he really could do better. He wanted to, for you. He was still terrified at the idea of coming clean to the Cobras, but whatever he’d deal with from that couldn’t be any worse than being without you.

He liked the power he had being in Cobra Kai, and he hoped that he could keep it-- but if losing the power meant gaining you, at this point he was totally okay with that risk. But, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t at least try to negotiate with his friends first.

“Y/N!” It was a new day at school, and you were walking side by side Sam heading to your lunch table when he called your name. You shared a look with Sam, glancing towards him with a bothered look upon your face. “Come here!” Hawk shouted again, apparently not caring that the whole cafeteria had his attention.

A look of dread spread across your face, and you slammed your lunch tray on your friends’ table in defeat before stomping over to where Hawk and his asshole friends sat. Your friends watched from afar, completely clueless as to what Hawk would need you for, and Demetri struggled to pretend he was just as lost as they were.

“What.” You said bluntly, staring him and the rest of his table down. “Yeah, seriously, what are you doing calling her over here?” Mitch asked, looking at you in revulsion, and you rolled your eyes at him.

Hawk looked between you and his friends, struggling to keep his confident manner in tact, and sighed uncomfortably. “I know we don’t like the Miyagi-Dos. And we don’t like the way they run their dojo.” He stated, hoping to hook his friends in by starting negatively towards their rivals.

His friends looked at him in reluctance, wondering where he was going with this-- and you did too. “But I love Y/N.” He said loudly, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in, and looking around at his friends. He was more nervous to see your reaction than theirs, so he barely looked at you once he said it.

“What?” The words came strongly from not only his friends, but you, too. He had never told you that before, and your heart melted at his declaration. When you spoke, he gathered the courage to look at you, and you’d never seen him so nervous.

“I love you.” He repeated, looking you in the eyes. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing, and on top of that he was announcing it to the whole school. You glanced over to see Demetri, mouth ajar, observing the interaction like it were a movie.

He meant it, and you could tell. He was waiting on you for a response, feeling more stress than he’d felt in a long time as he studied your bewildered expression.

Before you could say anything, Bert interrupted the moment. “You can’t love a Miyagi-Do. They’re stuck-up pansies who think they’re better than us.” He said, completely convinced that Hawk was out of his mind and needed a wake-up call.

Hawk cringed a little at the feedback, but was surprised when you decided to bite back. “I joined Miyagi-Do because I was tired of people getting bullied. You all choose violence when it isn’t needed, so I just wanted to be prepared.” You defended your intentions, fearlessly.

Tory snorted. “Oh yeah? And how’s that working out for you?” She jabbed, trying to make fun of your self defense skills. Before you could retort, Hawk slammed his hand down on the table and leaned in towards his peers.

“Listen! I’m with you guys, but she’s right. We’ve been reckless.” He said carefully, trying to keep a balance between who’s side he was on. “Sensei told us to fight smart, and we haven’t been.” He locked eyes with Tory, clearly sending her a message.

You watched as Hawk tried to reason with them, admiring his every move. Keeping up his confidence, he set down what was going to happen, and there’d be no arguments against it. “You guys can hate the Miyagi-Dos all you want, but I’m going to be with Y/N, and I’m staying in Cobra Kai.” 

Interlacing his hand with yours, he looked at you pridefully before turning back to the outraged looks on his friends’ faces. “From now on, if any one of you touches her, you deal with me. That’s of course if she doesn’t kick your ass first.” He said smugly, and you smiled widely, feeling content at his speech.

Your heart was jumping out of your chest at the gesture he made, and you wanted to smash your lips onto his and tell him how much you loved him back-- but you kept yourself restrained for the sake of the situation.

Most of the Cobras nodded nervously at his announcement, not wanting to challenge Hawk when he was so sure of himself. But Tory wasn’t having it. “You guys can’t seriously be okay with this?” She snapped, death-glaring the entire table.

The group looked like they were trying to decide whether they were more afraid of Hawk, or Tory. You smiled to yourself, knowing that no matter their reaction, you had won this, because you were with him now. It would certainly be a bonus if you gained their acceptance, though.

Mitch looked around in uncertainty about what he was going to say, but stuck up for Hawk. “Come on Tory, I mean, I get it... she’s hot.” He said referring to you, and you laughed a little at the shallow but positive response.

Hawk wasn’t as pleased with it though. “Hey.” He threatened, pointing a finger at Mitch. You giggled slightly at his jealous reaction, but pulled him back from Mitch by the hand you were holding his with. Mitch raised his hands in surrender, and Tory stood from the table, getting close to the both of you.

“You’d better sleep with one eye open, assholes.” She spat, and stormed away from the table. It went better than you would’ve thought, truthfully. Everyone else was loyal to Hawk, and you didn’t really expect anything less from Tory. Again, having Tory be your only threat seemed like small potatoes now that you two were together.

You nodded at the rest of the Cobras in respect, and with that whole thing being over, you tugged him by the hand towards your table of Miyagi-Dos. Hawk groaned, realizing where you were taking him, but did his best to stay civil.

Chris glowered at the both of you, and Sam looked a little disappointed, but she tried to look supportive. “So.... yeah. Sorry.” You said sheepishly, knowing that they had already heard everything.

“I’m glad it finally worked out.” Demetri said through a sad smile. You felt a little bad, knowing that Demetri still needed to work out his relationship with Hawk, and here you were rubbing yours in his face. That would be your next mission, you suppose-- operation get Demetri and Hawk to be friends again.

“Thanks, Dem.” You said appreciatively, and Hawk looked suspiciously between the two of you. “Wait, did you tell him before?” He asked defensively. The whole table looked to you and Demetri curiously, and you crossed your arms sassily.

“Uh, did I call someone to come get me after you left me alone in a shed? Yeah.” You recovered, your facial expression sly as you knew he couldn’t come back from that one. The others looked at him exasperatedly at your response, and his face dropped instantly. 

“Oh my god, Y/N I am so sorry about that.” He cowered, immediately dropping it, and you laughed at the remorse he was finally showing. You already knew he was sorry, but you guess it was nice to hear him say it.

He didn’t understand why you were laughing, though. He felt awful. And he also really needed a chance to completely apologize to you in private, now that he had already confessed his true feelings.

Suddenly, he picked you up entirely, arms holding your legs and you wrapped your arms around his neck instinctively. “Whoah, what is happening?” You laughed, looking at your friends who all looked just as puzzled as you.

Without saying anything else, he took off out of the lunch room carrying you, and made his way to the nearest exit to the outdoors. “Babe, where are we going?” You cackled, amused at the adventure he was taking you on.

Finally outside and alone, he let you down gently in front of him, and took your hands in his lightly. “I’m so sorry. For all of it. I was a complete idiot for letting you go. You knew all along that we could do it, and I was too busy being a pussy to even try. And I’m really sorry for everything that went down today, I hope you aren’t mad, I literally told you I loved you in front of everyone and that must’ve been awkward, I mean you didn’t even get to respond, which, now that I think about it maybe you didn’t want to, or--”

You silenced his rambling with a forceful kiss, grabbing the sides of his face with your hands. “I love you too, Hawk.” You said, pulling away from the kiss quickly, to give him the response he had been looking for.

He smiled big in return, and it turned your insides to mush. “You know, I realized we never got the chance to make things official.” He looked up at you cutely and you smiled back, knowing what was coming.

“So, will you be my girlfriend?” He asked charmingly, his face mere inches from yours. Blushing furiously, you nodded as you touched your forehead to his. “Mhm,” You said in agreement, grinning.

He took a moment, just admiring the look of you so happy, and with his manner still playful, he reminded you of something you had said before. “See? I came back to you.” He said proudly.

You looked at him lovingly, feeling a little emotional at the sentiment. His expression turned serious now, and he parted from you only slightly. “I’m gonna do better for you, Y/N. I promise.” He spoke lowly, and you put your hands on his shoulders, beaming at him in acknowledgement.

You stepped forwards again, getting closer to him. He gave a seductive smirk at your movement, and you subconsciously traced your fingers along his neck, fixated on his face more than anything.

Hawk stared back at you affectionately, his attention flickering down towards your lips. Feeling bold, he placed his hands dangerously low on your waist, and pulled you in roughly for another kiss. You quickly reacted, letting your hands travel to the nape of his neck, your mouth opening slightly-- allowing Hawk the opportunity to deepen the kiss.

Your lips stayed connected as Hawk’s hands made their way up your back, his chest pressing closer to yours. As much as you wanted to continue, you were in broad daylight right outside the halls of your school-- and you really didn’t want a detention for too much PDA.

“Mm, Hawk-” You giggled, breaking away from him. “Hm?” He smiled, his hands resting loosely on your waist as he pecked your lips again before letting you free. “If we don’t go back in soon we’ll miss the whole lunch period.” You said, disappointedly.

“Eh, that’s fine with me.” He shrugged, smirking at you as he clutched you closer. You scoffed playfully, hitting him lightly, and gave him one last kiss before escaping his grip.

He pouted at you, and you looked back at him mischievously. He missed your touch already, so he snaked his arm around your waist as you walked back inside to satisfy his need of holding you.

You felt on top of the world with him by your side, now having full confidence in him and his feelings for you. “It’s a good thing I still have the necklace, huh?” You teased, looking back up at him, and Hawk smiled, tilting his head to meet your gaze.

Though your comment may have only been a joke, both of you felt whole at the idea of you wearing the necklace-- and as you walked joyfully through the halls with him, you knew you’d never be taking it off again.

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i just wanna talk about real quick how much i cringe when writing like its actually terrible how much i cringe at myself so idk if i’ll keep doing fics or not HAHAH but y’all can always send requests and i’ll get around to them if i can. hope yall liked this one tho and made it through the whole thing cuz yikes.

[maldito-arbol]

Let’s talk about zodiacs and TPN Part 1

This is largely inspired by the fact that I talk about the characters’ zodiacs nonstop in the fanfic I’m working on for my tpn witch au, and I’ve been chortling to myself the entire time about how well some of them fit their sign and how some of them just... don’t. I’m going to simply infodump about each character, their sign, element, and some attributes they fit to a t while others don’t make sense. I will also touch on compatibility for all you shippers out there, don’t worryyy. Now this isn’t at all a critique or review of the characters themselves— I know astrology is not the first thing authors consider when choosing character birthdays, if they even do at all, this is simply me rambling about my hyperfixation and projecting onto fictional characters like we all do.

A couple last notes— one character in particular (cough cough Ray) has a different “canon” birthdate from “actual” so I’ll discuss both. Also, while I will be doing surface level research to make sure I’m not talking out of my ass, im not a professional astrologist, I’m simply a witch with an enthusiasm for zodiacs. Well then, without further ado, let’s talk about the kiddos.

Emma

Birthdate: August 22nd

Sign: Leo

Element: Fire

An overview: The funniest thing to me about Emma is that she’s literally the epitome of a Leo. Fire signs are generally very outgoing and energetic—they talk a lot and tend to be the leaders of the packs. Leos in particular are incredibly admirable and truly know their way around a conversation. If I ever wanted to get stuck in an elevator for 48 hours with no wifi or connection to the outside world and only one random stranger to talk to for the entire duration, I would pick a Leo in a heartbeat. Emma is very much the leader-type, she’s someone everyone pauses and listens to when she calls for their attention, and she always prefers to talk her way out of conflict rather than fight—but not in an underhanded manipulative way, no, Leos are very genuine with their feelings and will be upfront about their reasons for their actions.

Take this scene between Emma and Leuvis for example— this to me is about the closest to perfect of a summary of what Leos are like, and how Emma fits her sign beautifully.

She doesn’t want to fight, but she will if she has to—for the good of her friends and the good of humanity. She can stick to her ideals and yet extend a hand to the enemy anyway. This is what makes Leos such a force to be reckoned with in leadership roles.

Compatibility and ships: I know I know, this is the part you’re most excited about. I’m going to attempt to refrain from sharing my opinion on each ship itself, I will simply point out which have the highest compatibility levels. First of all, essentially all signs are most compatible with 1. Other signs of the same element and 2. Their compliment sign, their elemental opposite.

Since Emma is a fire sign, she’s generally compatible with other fire signs (Sagittarius, Aries, and of course Leo) as well as Air signs (Aquarius, Gemini, and Libra). So speaking broadly, she’s compatible of course with Norman as an Aries, as well as Ray IF he truly is an Aquarius. But if we narrow it down a little bit, I should mention that fire signs being fire signs can often clash with each other because both their energies are so high (personal experience lmao), and therefore their elemental opposite, air, are generally the way to go. Usually you’ll find on astrological charts and sites that Leos are most compatible with Geminis and Aquariuses, so Ray again if he is an Aquarius, and then we bring Violet into the picture because she’s a Gemini. (Uh, speaking as a Gemini, Leos are my favorite people to date, and I always seem to crush on them as well. I have a problem. A Leo problem.) I’m so sorry Gilemma shippers but fire and earth signs are like the worst combo, I don’t know how this happened because I love Gilemma with all my heart. The stars simply did not align for us this time

Norman

Birthdate: March 21st

Sign: Aries

Element: Fire

Overview: okay listen. I didn’t believe Norman was an Aries at first because he’s not as high energy as most fire signs, but then the more I thought about it, the more it just makes sense. The most key trait to an Aries is loyalty. They are so incredibly loyal and caring to the people they love that they often neglect themselves in the process. They can be very quick to anger if someone hurts or insults their friend, and are unafraid to start a fight or commit morally gray or even black actions in service of their loved ones. Point is you don’t mess with an Aries’ family or friends. You will get burned.

All the loyalty applies to Norman so incredibly well—the way that his plans and actions revolve entirely around Emma and Ray, and the way that he sacrifices himself for their escape even though he’s terrified of dying. But even more so this loyalty strikes you in the face when he returns as William Minerva, willing and committed to full on genocide all to keep his friends alive and safe. As I’ve said Aries are quick to anger, which seemingly isn’t very present in cool-headed, thoughtful Norman, but then you remember this:

Look at his expression. Even if he doesn’t easily lose his cool, when he does it’s terrifying. So essentially Norman is a much more subtle Aries— he’s not in your face aggressive or full of energy, but he has all the hidden signs. So yeah, I honestly can’t think of any other sign that describes him better. Norman is an Aries.

Compatibility and ships: being a fire sign and all, Norman’s compatibility is actually very similar to Emma’s. He’s compatible with other Fire signs (Sagittarius, Leo, and Aries) as well as Air signs (Libra, Aquarius, and Gemini). Speaking broadly that makes him compatible with Emma and Ray again, but narrowing it down Aries are much better in general with Libras and Leos so congrats Noremma shippers you won.

Ray

“Canon” Birthdate: January 15th

“Actual” Birthdate: February 5th

“Canon” sign: Capricorn

“Actual” sign: Aquarius

“Canon” Element: Earth

“Actual” Element: Air

Overview: alright Ray is a bit of a mixed bag to unpack. Because it’s been stated that Ray’s January 15th birthday is not his actual birthday outside of the source material, then it’s reasonable for me to count both birthdays because people have different ideas of what’s canon and what’s not. Interestingly enough though, Ray does indeed fit well enough into both the Capricorn and Aquarius signs, however I personally believe one shows through him better than the other.

We’ve been talking about fire signs for Emma and Norman so it’s finally time to dive into two other elements! We’ll start with Capricorn then, the Earth sign. The most important thing to remember is that the Earth signs are the most grounded and practical. If you want someone who can give you logical and rational advice, your best bet would be the Earth signs (Air signs are also good at this but this ain’t about them. Although you will notice some overlap in traits between these two, particularly in Capricorns and Aquariuses).

We can already see the ‘practical’ side show through in Ray by the way he hyperfocuses on taking Norman and Emma to escape but insists on leaving the other kids behind. This isn’t to say he doesn’t feel for them, on the contrary, Earth signs are indeed very in tune with their emotions and empathy, but Capricorns really know how to set that part of them aside in favor of the calm and certain route. They like tangible solutions, things they can grasp with the least amount of risk, and they’re very resistant to changes—like giant rocks. This is also noticeable in how Ray gets so very flustered by Norman and Emma’s impulsivity. He clashes with both of them because Earth signs prefer to take things slow while Fire signs just like to make a leap and hope for the best.

Note how Emma says “not that I mind...” meanwhile Ray is out here going “I MIND!!” Which we learn is because of his identity as the spy. He’s got his own plan and a tangible solution to shoot for, and Norman and his impulsivity and Emma going along with it is messing everything up. Thus, he forcibly retakes control of the situation via making a deal with Norman after the traitor is revealed. Very Capricorn stuff.

And if you want an image that just completely sums up the Capricorn in Ray, here you go:

On the OTHER hand, if we’re to go off Ray’s “actual” birthdate, which was so lovingly calculated by Tempo, then we get Aquarius Ray, the Air sign. The most important things to note about the air signs is that they’re the thinkers—the farthest from impulsive, they’re the least in tune with their emotions, and they are oh so horribly indecisive. Where Earth signs will be able to give advice that adheres to both logic and emotion, Air signs stick purely to logic. Where Earth signs are able to make calm and rational decisions, Air signs will agonize over options and often find themselves lost, searching perpetually for a solution with no cracks in it. Hello. I’m an Air sign. :’))

I’m gonna come right out and say it. I hate Aquarius men. Aquarius women and enby folks, they’re great. But Aquarius men? I may, as a Gemini, get along with them in surface level casual conversation, but behind every Aquarius man’s back is a Mal waiting to strangle him the moment I am given the opportunity. I’m so sorry Ray my son but you are not an Aquarius okay. Alright. Well, let’s just talk about the parts of him that do fit Aquarius.

So from the very start Ray is obviously a thinker, someone who considers his options very carefully before he makes a decision, and someone who hates making choices based solely on emotion. In fact, he hates expressing emotions at all. Aquariuses are very good at repressing or hiding their emotions behind other emotions (most air signs are). The most common way to do this is to put up a wall of either numbness or full-on rage. We can see both in Ray.

Instead of showing vulnerability in a healthy way, he would rather do that. Ok cool Ray.

Aquariuses can also be very quiet people, and Ray’s pretty dang quiet for most of the series too. They’re the intellectuals you know are intellectuals even though they aren’t up in your face about it. Their reserved nature makes them 10x scarier when they’re genuinely angry, because boy can an Aquarius rage.

The thing about Aquarius Ray for me here is that while Ray does indeed have Aquarius energy, it’s not the Core of Ray. To me he’s so much more of an Earth sign, so therefore I diagnose Ray with Capricorn.

Compatibility and ships: ok this is a mixed bag again. Now if you got Aquarius Ray then of course he’s compatible with other Air signs (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius) and Fire signs (Leo, Aries, and Sagittarius), which would make him compatible with Norman and Emma for sure, as well as probably Ayshe for you Rayshe shippers because my personal HC is Aquarius Ayshe.

If you’ve got Capricorn Ray, then Capricorns are compatible with other earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) and their compliment water signs (Cancer, Pisces, and Scorpio), though they’re best with Cancers and Tauruses. So yes, Anna is a Taurus, which makes Rayanna a compatible pair. But guess who’s a Cancer. Don. ALL MY RAYDON SHIPPERS GET OUT HERE YOU COWARDS IM CALLING YOUR NAME. YOU WIN THE SHIP GAME.

Gilda

Birthdate: May 13th

Sign: Taurus

Element: Earth

Overview: So again with the practical and grounded Earth signs. Tauruses now, are the most stubborn of them, which can be a little irritating at times, but it’s also a great asset when you consider how reliable they truly are. They’re bulls, which makes them solid and difficult to move, and you can always fall back on them when you’ve leapt too far ahead. Gilda is of course the epitome of reliable, and her stubbornness does show through at times—like when she’s the one person against Emma going out into danger all the time, constantly trying to talk her down into a more practical and certain solution. She’s also the first to attempt to bring Emma to see Ray’s side of the escape plan, which is very earth sign of both of them good job guys.

Compatibility and ships: I know I know I’m still upset Gilemma isn’t compatible astrologically but we can talk about other Gilda ships! Tauruses are most compatible with other earth signs (Capricorn, Virgo, and Taurus) and water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces) which makes her compatible with our other lovely Taurus, Anna! Gilanna shippers unite. But they’re best with Cancers and Scorpios, which means Gildon is is at highest compatibility.

Don

Birthdate: July 4th

Sign: Cancer

Element: Water

Overview: HEY YALL ITS TIME TO TALK ABOUT MY LEAST FAVORITE SIGNS: W A T E R. (I’m sorry my water friends, I’m sure you’re lovely, but as an air sign I am always extremely suspicious of water signs at first meeting because our compatibility is so low it might as well not exist) So the water signs are at the absolute highest emotional level. This can make them extraordinarily kind and nurturing, but it can also make them absolutely unreasonable and destructive. None is this more present than in Cancers, one of the most sensitive signs, but also one of the most empathetic. We can tell very clearly in Don that he wears his emotions on his sleeve—he’s unafraid to cry or show his anger, but he also takes very good care of his younger siblings and shows such an intense concern for them that it can become frightening.

He’s such a good boy 🥺

Compatibility and ships: okay so same drill, Cancers are generally compatible with other Water signs (Scorpio, Pisces, and Cancer) as well as Earth signs (Taurus, Capricorn, and Virgo) though their highest compatibility is with Tauruses and Capricorns. So again. GILDON AND RAYDON SHIPPERS R I S E.

God I’m so sorry if I cause a ship war. I rambled for too long and I’m very tired, so you only get these five characters for now. BUT! That’s why it’s a part 1. If you want more please feel free to harass me in my ask inbox about the characters you want me to overanalyze the signs of. Gemini out!

[teeth-and-tea]

ANIME & MANGA I HAVE BINGED IN THE LAST MONTH: May 2021

I've Been Hunting Slimes for the Past 300 Years and Now Ive Maxed Out My Level: incredibly long name aside, cute af slice of life that suffers Same Face Syndrome. I'm still happy to watch it because of how feel good and fluffy it is though, Im probably gonna forget about it in two or three years tho. 8/10.

Don't Toy With Me, Miss Nagatoro: I found out this was a webcomic first and suddenly all the HORNINESS made so much more sense. A Femdom, Degradation, Humiliation, Dacryphilia Bullies to Lovers story disguised as a high school rom-com which, I'm not going to lie, misses SKEEVY CITY by mere inches on a regular basis. However, I'm a Dom/Switch and this entire relationship sets off my dom brain center like New York City just shy of midnight. So if you're into that sort of scene, this anime is for you. If not, it's still fascinating but you're probably gonna be a little put off by how mean the Girl!Bully is to the guy MC. Unless you find out something about yourself, in which case, congrats! Stay safe, sane, consensual, and learn about the traffic light system on top of safe words, I promise you'll have a better life in general after that. Still Ongoing, currently 10/10.

Fruits Basket: IM GONNA CRY I LOVE THIS ANIME SO MUCH???? The original anime came out when I was in... I think middle school and my parents were really strict on what I watched so I never got to experience the first wave and I never bothered to watch the show ever after I moved out of the house years later. However, now that I'm much older I honestly can say this is one of my favorite anime to date, and all the characters are charming, lovable, with their own problems that I can connect to or sympathize with, and I love the MC which is always a treat tbh. Except Akito. Akito can suck a sandpaper dick. I'm only on S2 tho so no spoilers! Anime 11/10.

Monster Girl Doctor: went in thinking it was gonna be a monster girl who's a doctor with a homoerotic assistant (her name is SAPPHY okay sue me for thinking it) and ended up watching the entire dubbed harem series. Honestly, I've seen worse and this one has consistent follow-through on interesting characters and backstory enough for me to shove aside the blatant under-monstrousness of the female monsters and the harem-ness of everything else. Dubbing is honestly really good, which is a treat, and the monster designs are not the worst and the MC is tolerable. Honestly, I don't mind having watched it! The mix of cgi and the traditional animation together work pretty strangely though, and it often doesn't flow super well. 7.5/10

So I'm a Spider, So What: Dubbed version which honestly isn't that bad. Took me a bit to get into it, but after realizing that it's got a mismatched timeline a la The Witcher, it made so much more sense. Heavily done in cgi, and you can definitely tell between the 2D and 3D animations, but not the worst in the world. I went in not expecting much but it ended up being an Issekai I can stand and even enjoy. On god has a decent story... with the spider. I'd be a liar if I didnt say I skipped some of the human parts just to get back to the best part of the show. 8/10.

Somali and the Forest Spirit: I'm so fucking nostalgic for this thing it makes me want to go and hug my dad. About a human girl under threat of being eaten with a monster-dominated world. Very obvious "humans fear what they don't understand" message but instead of the humans learning tolerance it's what happens when they get annihilated first so like, kudos for the mangaka for having the guts to do that. I cried like a baby regularly. It's really good, I watched the dub and ID WATCH IT AGAIN!!! 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Oh my god. O h my g o d. Fell in love on the first episode, ngl. About if an immortal being learned how to be a person from scratch. I love it. HOWEVER. Keep a box of tissues on you at all times because you're gonna need them. I'm only on EP7 because that's all that's out right now but just know. I love it. Not for everyone but certainly for my "what do we define as human and the human condition" ass. 12/10.

Those Snow White Notes: A sports anime without any sports. About shamisen playing which is cool because I never realized how cool this instrument was??? Its neat af. OP1&2 are by Burnout Syndrom so know theyre fire. Gonna be real, its pretty alright, but not extraordinary. You can tell they were using the characters as archetypes rather than actually characters which kinda kills a lot of the emotional value you could've had, but I'm still gonna watch it. It doesn't make me cringe as hard as other sports anime tho so I consider it toptier in that regards but if you're a big sports anime fan you might be bummed out by it. Every single musical performance is INCREDIBLE tho. A solid 8/10.

Toilet Bound Hanako-kun: THE ART OMFG IT'S SO GORGEOUS. Listen, if you took coptic markers and gave them an animation budget with some manga panel direction thrown in there, that's this anime. It's beautiful. Gorgeous. I'm in love with the aesthetic every second. Story? Really good. Characters? I love the MC and his evil little twin brother asshat. Demons? Not super imaginative but I'm carrying on happy as can be anyways. Dubbing? A bit shaky at times but I found the voices charming if a little off for some of them. I'm already waiting for the second season with popcorn at the ready. 10/10.

Prison School: I watched this directly after Hanako-kun and it was like I got slapped in the face by sweaty unwashed titties and some fedora wearing schmuck's piss kink. No character is likable or redeemable. I finished it, but at what cost? 2/10 and only because a character shit his pants and I laughed.

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle: watched this right after Prison School and it was NECESSARY tbh. Its so CUTE and honestly, im not even kidding you, the fucking funniest anime I've seen in months. I watched the dub and the VAs are having the time of their lives working on this anime not just giving it their all but literally just going ham. Its great. If I read this im sure id be bored outta my mind but the VAs giving it a joyous performance make it an insta fave for me tbh. 9/10.

Sk8 the Infinity: i watched the dub with my bro and I can confirm that its a spectacular show because we both loved it and we have vastly different tastes. Incredibly SUSPENSFUL AND STRESSFUL for an anime about skateboarding but we finished it in a single sitting tbh. The last episode is not dubbed for some reason but we still loved it. Like if Free! was less obnoxious but the only fan-service here is Joe ♡ a beefcake who owns my lesbian heart. I think there's exactly one named female character tho and I legit couldn't tell you what it was if there was a gun to my head. So, over all, 9.5/10.

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime: I'm going to be entirely honest, I went in thinking it was going to be a boring isekai of no value. I was right about the Isekai part. It was honestly pretty interesting and focused on nation building like you're playing civilization rather than the usual "Get Stronger" narrative or "Get Some Pussy" narrative most isekais take which is delightfully refreshing. Granted there are flavors of that in this which means it doesn't alienate the big isekai watchers out there, but it's not the whole dish and it doesn't make me want to cringe the same way others do. You've got a slime MC just vibing and building a nation of monsters nbd. Does lose points for making the female monsters more humanoid than their male counterparts but makes them back by only doing perfunctory fan-service and nothing that makes me want to cry... except the butt sumo episode but in fairness it was all a terrible dream. Literally, the MC refuses to dream anymore after that. solid animation, decent voice acting, decent story, made me realize how HUGE this is in the Light Novel community???? There's like 18 fucking novels and that's WILD. 8.5/10.

MANGA:

Spirit Photographer Saburo Kono: a one shot special by the mangaka of The Promised Neverland! Honestly a really delicate touch of both super creepy and really touching, and I'm not gonna lie I'm bummed that this isn't a bigger project but the single chapter makes it a good taste for their style. I've been wondering if I wanna read/watch The Promised Neverland and now I think I will. 10/10

Deranged Detective Ron Kamonohashi: from the mangaka of Hitman Reborn comes this Sherlock and Watson derivative! Not even 20 chapters out yet with a sort of spotty schedule, I honestly love it even thought it's exactly as you expect. HOWEVER. Kamonohashi the "Sherlock" character uses mental pressure to kill all confirmed murderers and it's up to Toto the "Watson" character to save all those people before Kamonohashi kills them! It's just recently introduced a "Moriarty" family of crime lords (not a big spoiler don't worry it was obvious) so the tension surrounding Ron's past is amping up rn. Personally, I think the art is GORGEOUS, the characters engaging, and the story quick enough to keep my interest. Most mysteries are solved within a chapter or two so you're not stuck 20 chapters into one locked room mystery which is just peachy tbh. RN, 10/10. If this gets an anime, I anticipate a legion of fangirls who ship the two main characters along with their many friends. I've been alive too long to believe otherwise.

Don't Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro: Yeah I read the manga after I watched the show. A slower build than the anime, but it works for the format, if theyd done the same with the show then I don't think it wouldve done as well. Honestly? Cuter tbh but just as horny. You dont start really LEARNING about your character until like, chap 65 tho and no real "drama" happens until like 75. A good chunk of the chapters are like 8pgs so its a breeze to get through. I love these slow burn idiots of the century. 9.5/10 because you can DEFINITELY tell the mangaka does hentai too.

Yugen's All-Ghouls Homeroom: one-shot by the mangaka for Food Wars, it's no wonder there's this constant perviness from the MC, a guy who can see and exorcise spirits. Takes place at an all girl's finishing school with KICK ASS monsters tbh, kinda bummed its not longer. The MC? Blatant monsterfucker who is also a CONFRIMED monsterfucker???? Idk i vibe with that single emotion. Everything else is hit or miss. 7/10 for monsters and cool concept, lost points for the MC very pointedly being okay with admitting he'd wait for the teenagers to be adults tho. Creepy af. Could live without that.

Hell's Paradise: I finished the entire 127chps in 3 days and I was really enthusiastic about it 90% of the time thinking about how deep it was and then I actually thought about it and I ended up being very neutral about the whole thing tbh. The art is fantastic tho, but DEFINITELY deserving of the M rating. Tits. Tits everywhere. But not tits to be ecchi over, no, monster hermit tits on beautiful women-ish figures. Now generally I give that a pass but a huge theme in the story is that men and women are "no better than one or the other" but like, lady tits are what you see 99% of the time. Men tits are few and far between. I call bullshit on most of the "deep" themes is what I'm saying, so it's like the mangaka was trying for those deep thoughts but missed the margin a little too far for my preference. That being said, the MC is a married man who loves his wife which automatically makes him my favorite character so like... idk so many good things, so many misses, but overall really spectacular themes and imagery. Unique but classic all at once. It's getting an anime and I have NO IDEA how much censorship they're gonna be doing but they're going to be doing SO MUCH. Oh yeah, and one guy is a plant/human hybrid who fucks a 1000 year old plant-hermit which makes him a canon monster fucker. And one canon non-binary character who I, a nonbinary, actually like. So like... gosh I've got mixed feelings. 8.5/10.

Choujin X: From Sui Ishida, mangaka to the mega hit Tokyo Ghoul comes this brand new manga!... Of one chapter, lol. Not really binge-y because it's just the one chapter out right now but I'm already keeping my eye on it. The grasp on anatomy in the art is PHENOMENAL and you can see Ishida flexing his art skill which is great. Can't give a true rating but I'm giving it a tentative 9/10 because I'm excited to see more.

Shag&Scoob: technically not a manga, its an ongoing webcomic I binged an subscribed to in one day and I just think it deserves more attention. Starts off funny with "what if Scooby Doo had a gun" and has been led to "what if all cartoons are aliens that survive and receive their powers by the humans that love them in an epic war with Martians." On god, its good. I finished the current series in a couple hours so it's a breezy read, highly recommend it. 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Yeah I watched the anime and then finished all current 143 chapters in like 3 days. GOD IM WEAK. I don't buy physical manga unless I know I want to remember the story forever and I'm already budgeting for the current books out. Yeah, this is a good series. That being said, definitely not for the faint of heart or those who suffer under common triggers like suicide, molestation, death, etc. It's all framed as bad and necessary to the story don't get me wrong, but it's there and has lasting affects on the characters. Incredible story telling by the creator of A Silent Voice. Keep tissues nearby at all times. 12/10.

[seoafin]

tbh,, i havent read the raws of the interview yet, only the translated ver from fan-translator and b4 i start, i think that this will be just me talking in circle and in no particular order AND a real mess (my brain does weird things after exams) but uhh here we go

gojou collects talented people, and by doing so he finds the people he can most probably relate to, except that he can't, not really, because something in the universe shifted when he was born. and it makes me think of how he's always known it, that he is special, and he's proven it, time and time again— he wants to take in talented ppl and he does, but there rly isn't much he can do for them. for they are talented, more talented than the world can understand,,

but they aren't gojou satoru

gojou took in megumi, bc he knew megumi was strong, and would grow up to be someone even stronger, but gojou can't facilitate or encourage his growth, bc for all they're similar, they are so fundamentally different. ALSO,, while geto was in his life, gojou rly judged everything according to his understanding of geto’s moral compass. gojou wears a human suit and geto is how he learnt to wear it well 🏃

the dragonfly analogy regarding to geto’s response to gojo, who was shown wearing a dragonfly patterned yukata in HI arc,, i’m trying to not think abt the fact that dragonfly symbolized victory in jpn....pain. i quoted from a web here for more explanation : In Japan the dragonfly is known as the "victory insect", or kachimushi, because of its hunting prowess and also because it is known to never retreat. Dragonflies are agile and fast fliers and can even hover, but never fly backwards

and bringing this up again, matricide and patricide are 2 of the 5 worst act to commit in buddhism, and it was said that if u commit one of those act u’re going to spend a real long time in the deepest pit of hell before continuing the samsaric cycle (higher chances to be born as an animal after that probs)— this might be geto’s divine retribution. held no power over his own body and could be considered that he’s the same as those “monkeys” 💀

ALSO the fact that sukuna's interest is "eating" rly drives home his hedonistic philosophy of seeking pleasure for himself. and he’s a cannibal...makes me think if he’ll just chomp on ppl with the mouth on his stomach

randomly, to date i think he hasn't really called himself a human, shaman, or a curse, and has held himself apart from all 3, and we've also the intro of the cursed wombs so i wonder if he’s trying to become, or is, a different entity altogether

so onmyoji got mentioned in the interview and what they practice is called onmyodo and abe no seimei and kano no yasunori were the notable practitioners,, and the kamo in jjk is the same as irl who served the imperial court back then

maybe i was right when i said that the relation between the govt. and jujutsu elders are similar to how the shogunate and imperial court work (ie, the former holds the actual power) but... lets see later,,

and i cant believe that i actually nailed it on the analogy of jujutsu practices by religion,,, so mahayana buddhism, shintoism, and taoism is present in jjk along with their respective jujutsu practices...but between the 3, it shld (?) be taoism > shintoism > mahayana buddhism (which could took a path to pure land buddhism)

it’s weird that the number of curses are supposedly higher in jpn comparable to other countries when taoism was brought from china....tengen sus

so the zenin family tree is sth like :

brothers: [toji's dad] ; naobito ; ougi

so toji, naoya, and maki & mai are cousins of the same generation

[toji's dad] → jinichi (probs) ; toji → megumi

naobito → other brothers, naoya

ougi → maki, mai

but yea i’d call anyone who’s within/close or below my age range as cousins and others above 30 as uncles/ aunts LMFAO,, i dont rly memorize my own family tree 😭😭 especially since most call the other by honorifics instead of names : aunt, uncles etc or attaching said honorifics at the end of a name for an older sibling figure/ older cousins [but like ppl in my country also call the other who are older with sibling honorific even if we’re strangers,,, rly similar to korea’s hyung/oppa—eonnie(unnie)/noona but some uses more genderless honorific] (1)

tw // topic of incest, mentions of abuse

if anyone got the wrong idea when reading this : i am not glorifying/ romanticising incest(uous themes),, i’m looking at this with absolutely no lenses of bias even tho im rly against it

初恋 = literally : first love, or puppy love

恋 = romantic love/ deep longing

i literally don't know how else to put this...🧍and with language barrier...using a western interpretation of the eng word "love" to explain a jpnese term is not quite that simple, unfortunately

that thread omg,, i rly do understand how exactly someone could associated kindness with love bc of my upbringing, it was when i was slightly older that i was just...oh so its not like that orz,,, so the most plausible explanation would be that

but the problem is that,, akutami never specify when exactly she had a crush on them,, and when megumi answered todo’s question she had a “♡” reaction 😶,, uhmmm there’s rly no way to look past this if its this way or be in denial

i’ve seen some of "why wouldn't mai react that way after hearing megumi say he'd like someone who's compassionate when she's surrounded by men like naoya",, well I MEAN,,, that, but also mai probs admires that megumi grew up so well out of the clan, regardless of the fact that he had the foundation (10 shadows) to do so. imo she seems happy for him the way she can't be for maki, bc maki ultimately had to leave her behind

hate to say it but yea,, the 3 clans most likely still practice inbreeding in order to preserve their power and presumably their wealth too 😀

i had an idle thought abt it at first but i filed it deep in the back of my mind asap,, bc i ont wanna jump to conclusion abt this out of all things too early. it’s probably not even in jjk, but all those elite clans in other ani/mangas that produce powerful heirs and whatnot also do the same,,, but this way of (my personal) thinking was influenced when i first got into tsukihime (type-moon),,, i read abt the nanaya family background and found out that they practice that in order to keep their bloodline “pure” (to keep it short : they have an optical power),, and i had this kind of assumption ever since so there’s that

i’m,, convinced the zenins' inbreeding made it more difficult for them to get powerful shamans bc they got 2 jujutsu technique-less children with heavenly restrictions in the same generation: toji & maki

even more convinced that maki might be a bit stronger than toji bc toji could see curses without aid while maki can't so the pay-off must be higher,,, SJJASN IDK ,,, plus naoya sort of implies his older brothers are nothing compared to him, and idk if we should take that as his arrogance or that his older brothers rly are weak/powerless. it would make sense as to why naobito had a lot of sons, ig, as head of clan

i feel so bad that if one of the factors that can caused heavenly restriction is inbreeding,, toji and maki and mai had no say in how they wanted to be born but are scorned for it,, typical asian families projecting their traumas and ideals onto their kids but get mad when they realize that those ideals are ugly...😁😁😁

since the zenin are conservative,, i wonder if they still hold onto old jpnese dining traditions. where in ancient jpn, hierarchical relationships were made readily apparent even within families. a dining table where everybody sat down and ate as equals would be unheard of. rather, each individual is given their own table that indicates their status,,, someone who is not considered “strong” according to the zenin’s views most likely have no place at the table, and probs eat when those who are “strong” finished/ serve them when they are eating

if toji was tossed into a swarm of curses,, i dont think abuse during said time is below them,,,

the zenin clan was already great, but they further amassed power and strength by, what i assume to be, marrying and adopting powerful individuals into the clan 🤔 ,,, i imagine they're like the hiiragi but without doing what they did to shinya (ons reference)

BUT after all that, i like to think that since akutami’s a big horror fan, jjk might be an outlet to explore said topics or even darker ones, so i wouldnt be that surpised abt it. given that there’s more than enough “red flags” before this was dropped : a reference to “tale of hikaru genji” when a grown woman asked for gojou’s number in HI arc (out of all things); granny who transformed into the man’s daughter, sat on his lap and man just touched her waist; mei mei and ui ui ; and...this (incestous theme is in the novel btw)

lets not start with whatever the fuck in kubo’s head in the interview otherwise i’m writing paragraphs with every curse words possible,, those big 3 mangakas are so— UGH,, a planet w out (cis) men like him sounds real good rn 😌 if one of yall out there decide to do it,, pls hmu rly cant do this shit anymore

akutami said i like my men pretty and i like women who will step on my neck and spit in my face (I REMEMBERED TATSUKI FUJIMOTO’S INTERVIEW WHEN HE WAS ASKED ABT MAKIMA AND IT WAS SO 😭😭😭😭) but ykw,, love that for both of them <3

when i said 3 : one piece, bleach, naruto. aside from the blatant depiction/ characterize of women in those 3,, idk if some ppl arent aware yet but oda is friends with two (2) convicted pedos,, man...the major disappointment and disgust when i first find out abt it

anyways this is just my 2 cents (which i think rightfully belong to the trash can) so pls just take this w a lil to no grain of salt - 🐱

YEAH THE ♡ LMFAO I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A “good answer ♡“ heart BUT NOW IM RE-EXAMINING?????

honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if the three clans practiced inbreeding. but ik people are going to be  😡😡😡😡😡 about it when the queen of fucking england is literally married to her (something) cousin. i’m not justifying it but like....love the double standards, just as always with the west 😍

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT FUCKING PED* LIST THEY SHOULD ALL BE IN JAIL. JAILLLLL. it’s all so gross. that’s why i fucking hate when people look towards manga for positive representation because the chances of that are super slim to zero, especially since the industry is saturated with misogyny and ped******* and a lot of other gross stuff.

i think ppl forget jjk is a horror manga LOL so obviously it’s going to confront darker themes. the question is whether it’s going to be done tastefully or not......

[unironicduncanstan]

@alenoah and @icedancerhell did this and ik im definitely going to be cancelled for my taste but explanations below

prince of egypt: oh my gfucking god . bro the music. the ANIMATION. the story too like obviously its based on a religious tale but i mean the way its portrayed and interpreted and how it all comes across was so on point. and did i mention THE FUCKGIN MUSIC dude i would try to sing every song when i was a kid and i think attempting that literally improved my range growing up

shrek: ok when ur a kid literally all u want is to feel mature and cool. shrek was that in an hour and 30 minutes. all the adult humor. and even the shit that would fly over your head somehow still always registered as so funny. every line is burned into my brain bc i watched it so much it was so fuckgin funny and entertaining and the storyline was so depthful and important. shrek for president

sinbad: oh yeah he makes me wanna sin. Bad

rise of the guardians: oooohhg the plot was so cool and intriguing,,, the designs were so unique,,,, also i actually used to. cosplay jack frost when i was a teen osfkjskjfhksdjf i might have like One picture around here somewhere,

over the hedge: every character is perfectly designed and perfectly voiced and the humor was so good. me at like 8 years old watching hammy the squirrel drink coffee and frolic around in a slowed down world was the peak of comedy

madagascar: its just such a classic. another movie where every line is burned into my cerebellum bc i had it on dvd. id say out of this whole list this close to number one. idk where to even begin with how stupidly hilarious it was to me

httyd: lbr who didnt just do a full [lisa simpson face] when you got to the end and hiccup had lost part of a leg. the whole movie had this aura that it was like not tethered down somehow while still being great family friendly media. also im ace sexual and UHH big dragon

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antz: unironically i think it deserves so much more than it gets. the anti war messages are great the designs are cool and it goes back into the shrek maturity territory where they get to say CUSS WORDS. p much my only qualm is that woody allen had to be there 😔😔😔  

shark tale: ok dont cancel me but i really love the plot actually. i mostly love the mafia shark boy that dresses as a dolphin but even the will smith fish crash-and-burn fame hubris thing while annoying at times was rly intriguing. and the designs are the kind of thing that as a kid i loved but as an adult i do. struggle , w ith, a bit, but overall funny and entertaining story

el dorado: the music slaps so fuckgin hard thats another example of me tryna sing cartoon music to an embarrassing degree. also the Colorse . the designs . and the humor osjfsjdf the only downside is just a personal vibe bc the best friend conflict storylines make me anxious sometimes lol

flushed away: oh my god dont at me. some of the characters are so fuckgin annoying and some of the humor is just so much but i rly did like the worldbuilding and storyline. stupid posh ass rat was rly cool actually. also yet another mafia/gang violence plot in childrens media why is that so funny when ur a kid god

spirit: GREAT MUSIC GREAT STORY! i think the way the story goes like, its Better to be told with regular horses and narration rather than talking horses,,,, but my dumb whimsical child ass just didnt latch onto that style as much as the talking animal movies

shrek 2: rly good tbh all the new characters introduced are interesting and entertaining to watch, but i mostly remember it for i need a hero and human shrek. didnt rly hit the same mark as the first :/

httyd 2: another great movie with another great twist but it almost felt like too much at once for my little brain to handle. overloaded me with gay emotion 

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megamind: i love everything it stands for i just never saw it until like a year ago so its not that dear to my heart

kung fu panda: not my style of humor, i saw it once and can hardly remember it but i feel like the plot was wholesome and cute

the croods: so funny and good, ive seen it many times actually. but some of the humor just isnt my thing (its, well, crude, which also took me like 5 yrs to get that joke,)

bee movie: was pleasantly surprised the first time i watched it??? it was pretty good and it did kinda make fun of itself so idk why its so cringe to ppl. barry b benson entertained me unironically

chicken run: i saw it once when i was very young and it just didnt resonate with me also claymation most of my childhood terrified me

wallace and gromit: same as chicken run

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entire never saw it tier: dotn hate me i just dont have a lot of time on my hands. i know i will be oppressed into watching peabody and sherman within the week and i accept the charges

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monsters vs. aliens: someone got it for me on dvd and i hated it so much. its not even that bad its just a me thing like for some reason the part where the lady becomes a giant during her wedding or w/e was just like. the worst nightmare i could imagine i hated it and it made me scared to get married bc i thought that could happen to me. also none of the main cast is charming to me one of thems a bug and i have a bug phobia so i could never rly get thru it im sorry but i coudltn do it

madagascar 2: alex backstory was kinda good but the rest was forgettable for me

madagascar 3: visually kinda cool but. :/// felt really off compared to the previous movies, like an obvious cash grab. i mean who could forget the constant polka dot afro circus song advertisements

shrek 3: again mostly just remember it for the frog dad dying ,,,

shrek 4: i only saw it like 5 months ago for the first time. fiona being a warrior in an alternate timeline or w/e (if that was real and not a fever dream) was the only semi tolerable part for me

penguins of madagascar: the first few minutes with them as babies was cute the rest i physically could not keep my attention on. i dont remember anything else im sorry