#oh wow you actually read my tags
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A Pirate and his gator goon
Ok so like unrelated but anyone watched Peter Pan while growing up? Remember Captain Hook's fear for Alligators or Crocodiles, yeahh let that sink in here eheheh
#i just thought they would be a great aquatic/pirate duo#you got an actual pirate and an animatronic based on swampy and somewhat aquatic reptile#whats not to love :>#def not an excuse to draw more Foxy shenanigans#i love himb#fnaf sb#glamrock foxy#foxy the pirate#montgomery gator#joshblogs#oh wow you actually read my tags#anyways ahah you see that purple green orange necklace on Monty?#hmm? oh yeah thats nothing#totally#anyways thanks for taking the time to actually read these#ill shut up now#see ya :D
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Rivals 🎼🍎🦔
Close ups + Extras:
#Aka lovers lol#They have some things in common with each other#idk if I should make a separate post abt it or just dump it here#I'm just gonna say it here#Y'know Hallmero is kinda like sonadow if you think about it#Maybe or maybe not#Depends on how you depict their relationship#OH WHAT ABOUT BOOM SONIC!?#Merold is definitely like Boom sonic they are both very sassy#Hallritt and Shadow are similar visually like them both having red (gay) highlights and eyeliner#And I guess they're both serious when doing work#You could say the same for Kurode too (Merold's brother)#Actually I think Kurode is probably more like Shadow#Shadow could pull off Kurodes fit#Im gonna throw this out there but what if fragaria memories but sonic#And Sonic is Merold. Shadow is Hallritt and Tails could be Kurode#^ for context Merold and Kurode are siblings and Merold is the greatest knight and is very overprotective of Kurode#and Kurode felt so inferior to him that he ran away from home cause he didn't believe he was strong enough#I would love to see Sonic and Tails brother angst#Wow I said a lot in the tags#Thanks if you read all this#my art#fragari art#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sonic fanart#sth fanart#sth#fragaria memories#merold
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Reading a fic that's so well written I wish I could close my eyes and just let the descriptions and atmosphere wash over me, but the dilemma with closing my eyes is, well, I then would not be able to continue reading this fic, now would I.
#fanfiction#fanfic#reading#i don't read longform fic very often but this one is so good wow i'm in awe and clicking next chapter next chapter#the movie it's for I'm not even a particular major fan of itself but I am a fan of the character and the ideas and oh my god#they perfect it to a tee in every way even better than the movie could and yet keep their characterization spot on in line with the og#it's amazing the way they balance the humour and banter with the suspense/tension and drama/horror#and their descriptions are gorgeous/pick out just the right details#their follow-up is more canonical to me as a sequel than the actual official sequel which is wrong in so many ways#and I am in love with their writing style so much my god#i'll say the fic if asked probably will honestly make a rec post for it when I'm done just because wow but here i'm just vague posting#i mean it's 10 yrs old and I've been reading fic for 8-9 yrs and it is truly one of the best I've read in all of that#from all my tags I mean you can labour a guess for the fandom or fic and if you were to guess it wow good job I'd be impressed#but anyway !!! love finding masterpieces I hope this person decided to become an author in those 10 yrs almost *sobs*#I'm gonna say the fic anyway whatever it's From Out the Ocean Risen by Bluestar god it's good (for p/acific r/im)
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I'm kinda tired of dungeon meshi fans blatantly misinterpreting Kabru's goals, motivations, and character so they can ship him with Laios...like obviously it's awesome if you enjoy Laikabu but can you nooot twist Kabru's intentions for involving himself with the guy who constantly triggers his monster trauma and pisses him off so bad he gets brain damage so that he turns into "the guy who wants to suck Laios's dick" as his entire character? I've even seen people cut off Kabru's words to make it seem like he is admiring Laios because it would disrupt that narrative
#how can you think marcille hates laios and kabru wants to fuck him that's not.......canon.....#every time I see stuff of them it’s people being like 'oh kabru loves it so much when laios reminds him of his traumatic past'#be it his eyes/monsters/or the succubus thing 'he just HAS to fuck laios'#kui was noooooot intending for kabru to be lusting after that man!!!#i love laios but come ON why dont you actually care about KABRU tooooo#for l4bru to actually work one of them would have to suppress a big part of themselves and its ALWAYS on kabru it’s so insufferable#it's just like how some people misconstrued fem!toshiro blushing about laios to be her crushing on him when it was obv the same discomfort#but it made the microaggressions even worse because of the gender difference AS WELL as the culture difference#SIGH#i prommis ryoko kui did not create kabru so he can think about sucking laioss humungous donger all day fhsdkfhskjh#L4ikabu is the worst case I’ve seen of people twisting things for their ship because it’s literally just not true…#blatant misreading of the text goes crazy!!!!#like sure they're foils but what about the actual dynamic...w8 don't think about that actually cuz yoikes lol#obviously not threatening anyone who ships them please just stop saying it's canon oh my g#pwease actually read what kabru says he lays it out really clearly and has a super interesting backstory that drives his actions 🥲#i dont expect anyone to read this because im not using a tag but if u do then...🫢😯#i dont understand y ppl like it so much when laios ignores kabru so hard KABRU DESERVES BETTER#I’ve never felt like this about any ship before wow it just makes me 🫷
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felt a little silly,,,a little goofy even (context is that i have baby hotline stuck in my head and am procrastinating this essay)(send help)
#haha its that one scene from the mv#fellas i have never drawn myself before this but wow look face reveal oh my#i used to have three piercings on each ear but i got lazy on the third#and it got infected and closed#rip third piercing#i was an animation meme kid so this song is special to me </3#i rlly like jack stauber actually i gotta listen to more of his music#i dont think many people will see this drawing#and even less read the tags#but if you have jack stauber recommendations pls send them my way#^_^#angelo tag
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so very quick and sketchy but i was getting vague designs for all the tldc ladies down in one place
not so sure on gwendolen and gwilanna and i havent looked back at the books for details yet but these were just a quick cool down for the night 🫶
#ragnar art#tldc#the last dragon chronicles#fuck it sure ill main tag#too many characters (seven) fend for yourelves on this one#i um. i might be working on (have conceptualised and planned to death) an animatic#and thus actually had to figure out what people look like#im very faceblind n have aphantasia. so if they're not all on one page idk what they look like and/or if they look similar#read a little bit more of firestar and made myself sick thinking about gwilanna and her baby :(#oh old lady... come hang out with me we can... idk eat mushrooms and kick rocks together#cant wait for my gwilanna blorbo era. MOVE OVER david and tam its about to get uncomfortable in here (my brain) for you two#just Oh my god i get it now. girl id've done worse for grief. she shouldve blown the whole planet up and i'd cheer her on the whole way#<- doesnt remember most of her storyline BUT remembers The Vibes clearly#love a mean old fuck especially if they're a major antagonist. do NOT ask me about my relationship with my parents 🤡 /j#omg i also fixed my tablet's colour settings for the first time since i got it (2....3 years ago??) and wow. i dont have to fuck about#in the colour profile before i post anymore. technology is amazing <3 (i am an idiot)
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Early morning, when dawn is just starting to creep over the horizon, when you and the world are still deep in slumber, is Robin’s favourite time of day. She’s always been one to rise with the sun, stirring as the first rays of light slide into the room. There’s a soft, delicate sort of peace that can only be found in the early hours of the morning, where it feels like time ticks slower, as if the moment is hers and hers alone.
It’s bliss, letting the birdsong and cool air wake her. Still drowsy, she stretches her hands above her head, eyes half-lidded and blinking away the blur from her vision. She presses her hand to her lips to stifle a yawn, before glancing over at the other side of the bed.
If Robin had to pick a favourite part of waking up early, she wouldn’t hesitate to choose the first moment of the day where she looks over and sees you. You, with your sleepwear all creased from shifting around during the night, your relaxed face devoid of any stress lines, your evened-out breathing making your chest rhythmically rise and fall. She adores every side of you, but the sweet, sleepy state you’re in when she first wakes up is the most beautiful of all.
But today, she only finds a dent in your pillow and a rumpled blanket tossed aside, with you notably missing. All of the traces of lethargy in her body disappear, and she jolts up in alarm. You never wake up before her, nevermind leave before her. It was beyond out of the ordinary for her to wake up alone, with no slumbering body by her side.
Robin rose from the bed, sliding her feet into her slippers. Her footsteps were light, barely making a sound as she walked through the hallway, following the distant sound of music.
She pushed open the kitchen door to find a curious sight: you were by the stovetop, leaning over a frying pan with a spatula in your hand. There was a tray adorned with a plate stacked high with pancakes, a glass of water beside, and her favourite golden syrup. On the corner of the bench, your record player was crooning out an upbeat love song, the tune echoing sweetly across the room.
“Oh,” You turn as she enters, smiling at at her. “Good morning.”
“My darling,” Robin sighs as she walks over, resting her cheek against your shoulder and sliding her arms around your waist. “I didn’t see you when I woke up. I was worried.”
You hum, turning the stove off and draping your arms around her neck. “I’m sorry, I woke up early and thought I’d cook breakfast.”
Robin inhaled, sighing again at the heavenly smell. She pressed a quick kiss to your cheek, murmuring into your skin. “Don’t apologize, lovely. They smell delicious.”
The pancakes are sweet, the texture soft and melting in her mouth. As you eat, the record continues to play, switching to a soft ballad, one that was playing the first night you met. Between bites, Robin steals glance after glance across the table, watching you take sips from your drink and bites from your food.
Somehow, all the mundane moments were the times that made her heart flutter the most. You falling asleep on her shoulder in the middle of a movie, the pair of you cooking dinner together every night, even just doing laundry while you idly told her about your day, every second she got to spend at your side was the highlight of her day.
It was almost possible to imagine her life before you came into it, before you became such an important part of her daily routine. It was clear to anyone that bothered to look that she loved you, adored you so much more than words could describe. There was no one, no one at all that she’d rather spend her time with.
“What’s with that look?” You ask, rousing her from her daydream. “Do I have something on my face?”
Robin shakes her head quickly, laughing under her breath. “Oh no, nothing like that. I’m just glad to have breakfast with you.”
Any time of the day spent with you was perfect, but mornings like these were priceless.
- 🕸️
oh my god.
web anon im gonna kiss u what the hell i just woke up to this /pos.
allow me to read and put my commentary on the tags
#warning !!!!! contains wysty and her gay ass going crazy in the tags!!#robin being a morning person REAL#oh my gopgfhsgdhsd#waking up early is such a nice part of the day#everything is just so silent and the sound of he birds outside just evokes such a blissful feeling#ofc she chooses to see me gayass /j (i would too)#wait#what the hell did i get kidnapped#OH#wow im being productive for once#YES ILL COOK AND CLEAN FOR YOU ANY TIME <333333#I WONT COOK FOR ANY MAN BUT FOR A WOMAN I WILL#oh my god this is my dream life#THE RECORD PLAYER AYGUEBDAHJSK#THIS IS SO CUTE IM GONNA#WEB ANON IM GONNA PUNCH YOU#/POS#HOLY SHIT#robin staring like the lovergirl she is 😻😻😻 i would die#in fact im actually dying rn#ROBINMDS#GYUWEEWHUEWHJDSJKSDDFJKFSADKLEQWN DJD FKNSDAJDKSKJSLQO3RIJ#okay now i wanna hug my gf#this was a good read ty web anon mwah mwah mwah pop in another time if u wish <333 im literally gonna eat this for breakfast#☆ conference calls#☆ anon: 🕸️ 。*゚+
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Crying on the floor bc there aren't any greed/ling hanahaki disease fics
#greed is THE emotionally constipated guy like how has this not happened yet#*greed coughing up flowers* wow humans sure are weird#*ling in the back of the mind as greed coughs up his favourite flower* oh for fucks sake#ling could never be the sick one bc he actually does shit instead of pining and lying to himself about it#bc its very hard to feel unreciprocated when you want the manifestation of wanting everything#and ling can read greed like a fucking colouring book that homunculus cant hide shit from him. he knows how greed feels about him#whether it be platonic romantic or other ling would get over it and just be happy to have greed (assuming post canon)#unless its like a “i love him i know he loves me but hes too stupid to realise it and im paying the price” situation#so yeah most of the time its a case of ling knows whats up and is trying to gently nudge greed in the right direction#all while greed doesnt understand whats happening to him and is trying to play it cool#OH yknow what could be fun: putting a lil twist on it. only homunculi get it but instead of simply flowers its literally their stone#inspired by that one 03 greed scene (you know the one)#every time they lose more and more life/energy until. yknow. and its not very known about bc homunculi dont rlly exist#but some alchemists would know (eds the only important one bc what other alchemist does greed know)#(butttt could be fun that hoenheim knows and when they meet him hes like “...thats an interesting cough”)#okay my brain is falling asleep so ill leave it there#greed the avaricious#fma greed#ling yao#fma ling#hanahaki#fmab#greed x ling#greedling#< i suppose. i mostly use that tag for the guy/possession situation not the ship but eh#moss' madness
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my mom very awkwardly coming into my room and handing me my freshly folded laundry telling me "you should be happy in life" 30 minutes after i finished a full mental breakdown in front of her because she said she's not paying for college unless I get into a top 30 university
#tw vent#tw college apps#also yes okay yes im properly aware of the fact that my parents are even willing to pay for college at all#like im fully fucking aware that that's not even in like the range of possibility for so so so many people like i am#VERY MUCH#speaking from a place of privilege here#there is such a liek its just truly i feel physically ill every time i talk about college with my parents like truly#i dont know like i know that you cant be WILDLY successful and not go to a super prestigious university#I KNOW THAT#but istg like there is nothing that gnaws at my soul more than that stipulation#like its so much of the thing of like we will drop 70k dollars every year for you to go somewhere like this okay and my parents are VERY#conservative spenders like ridiculously so#but if you go anywhere else you're no longer worth our time or our money#like oh you're going to the third fucking best university in ur state?#yeah so actually fuck you the time and money we've invested into your existence for the past 18 years has literally been nothing but waste#like wow thanks guys that really helps me want to keep existing :)#anyway apologies to anyone who reads these tags#didnt think i was gonna wake up today and be a debbie downer lmao#also to any of my fellow hs juniors out there realizing we're going to be writing and sending out college apps like within this 365 days#all the love in the world to yall rn truly all the love#personal
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The length of the f1 break is getting to me, I've started looking back on old ships, and I feel like a feral dog about them again
#i just mean like yknow not a good sign when you start losing focus on what you consider to be your main interest#but ah its nice to be feral tho :)#idk tho if any f1 ships have made me feral in the way my one past ship im looking back on rn does#im reminiscing and god the fics for this ship are so fucking good#it feels like its tailored to me bark bark bark#also thinking abt how ever ship has a way of worming its dynamics into my characters#but this one wormed its way into my one ship's characterization so intensely#so reading fics for it is like both: a. wow i love this dynamic and b. wow this makes me wanna develop that ship even more#feral dog is not an overexageration btw. im such a maniac at this time of night#but idk the lack of f1 to focus on makes it so i go btwn being very depressed to just having extreme amnts of energy#and rn that energy is directed towards past loves sigh sigh#oh yeah not namedropping the ship btw bcs i dont want it to end up in the actual tag yknow#catie.rambling.txt
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the chances of the people seeing this aren't super likely so this is highly inefficient but i'm too afraid to approach people personally…. yet i've been burning with the need to express my gratitude for the tags i've received individually somehow and figured, i could do it the way i do best. in the tags 😅
(sorted by most recent) (i capped the limit hard here) (some ✂️✂️ had to be done 😔) (i still like this format a lot though) (might do this again in the future idk would people like that??) (i hope it's not mortifying for anyone……..)
it's sorta the way i like it, indirect and unimposing, even if it's kinda. wieldy. but it's just on my blog so anything goes right? although in saying that, i am open to being imposed on. like if someone wants to talk about aci or something, like other fic?? i'm a big fic fiend. or anything else lol not sure what else you'd wanna chat about since so much of the stuff i've put out is just. about fic. but hey, if you're a person i don't mind being approached :>
(lol the way i've made this like a *throws out a bunch of paper slips* find your's 🎉) (might be obnoxious hm) (sorry...) (find your's if you want though 🫡)
#i said a thing#@glaciesdraco i'm so glad someone is appreciating the brilliance of my shitpost yes i went so hard on that and it's you too??#i enjoy your ramblings and hcs a lot (if that one gift art based on your hcs wasn't telling) i hope my indirect appreciation can reach you#two years ago for a gift exchange i had [get them drunk] as one of the things on my wishlist and linked your post with it because they're <#@miyukiwynter your tag was fun and cute it made me smile :) oh no the boy!#@spooky-sordid your enthusiasm for the 🥥 post despite zero context is so fun to me i'm happy my niche things connect with you like that :]#@scrambledshizaya oops! all aci posts with even more on the way sorry it's all i got#the energy of your tags is very fun though i hope to bring a little pain with the 📸⚠️ comp and loverboy cringe is so izaya indeed#@gay-deer your all caps enthusiasm is so so sweet to me thank you for loving them!! also you bring fun things to my dash so thanks for that#@vi-138 you haven't said anything so i hope you don't mind.... i've seen you in my notifs a few times and i'm appreciating it very much :>#@fweamy i like your energy and omg you like the way i draw them?? no wayyy i'm so flattered you like my portrayal of them? that's such high#this makes me feel better about my style like actually since i spend a looooot a lotta time on every little thing so it can appeal to me#and i'm not confident at all but i do try very hard to achieve aspects of how i like to see them so i'm glad it seems to resonate with you#i draw all too slowly but you shall be in my thoughts as i fight to deliver more of these scrunkly scrimbos 🫡#@zamtik you think it's awesome? :0 wow thanks! also thanks for appreciating the 🎀🔪 i made that not a lot of people acknowledge heh#@gay4and2high i like that you acknowledged the content of the fic i love the content of this fic i need to acknowledge it so bad 🗣️#@stupidusernamepolicy idk if you meant for your words to read like this but i'm still so so flattered by the tags you left on that post 🥺🥺#idk what you actually think of the fic so i can literally only imagine your enthusiasm for it but i think i feel some of it in those tags 🧠#and you seem to really like the post in particular so?? thank you c:#@whamss no way are you sure you love my art?? thank you i'm glad you find them cute and see so much personality in them too??#you pointed out shizuo in particular !! yesss i slaved away soooo tirelessly on him (except i was very tired) i'm glad he is appreciated#his face... it needed to convey so much...... sad puppy dog look#the humouring of izaya's antics that soften him in light bemusement “mouth slightly open probably as close to a smile as it would ever get”#and thank you for enjoying loverboy cringe with me he is exactly that#@soultiio thank youuu i appreciate this sorta connection we have going on where we communicate through tags a little <3#i like the comments your affection for the boys is very sweet thank you#@pennyloni thanks for the obligatory shizaya reblog#@pineapplething hihi!!!#@demon-of-ikebukuro i take joy in all the appreciation for the comm :> also you have a fic i'd like to try someday bc it looks interesting!#@churroful you haven't said much since but thanks for finding the 🎀🔪 sexy >:D i appreciate you in my notifs and i hope you enjoyed aci!!
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seems like my heart does nothing but break lately
#oh my god dont read the tags. it breaks for everyone :( but on a more personal level#for my gf whos sinking deeper into something n i cant even help bc im a wreck myself but i am so so scared to lose her#still havent even been able to book a psych appointment n i rlly dont know where to go with all these ..em*tions#Guys i rlly dont understand one thing. how come one random freak whos in ur life at some point can derail a whole person like eons later#jeopardise their whole future just by crossing some lines for funz i really dont understand this#not fair not fair at all this is evil#and becasue u got unlucky someone wanted to be disgusting u have to carry the consequences#i rly still cant even say it i still cant even write it#i dont even know how . irl the only perosn i told in some capacity#is dealing with her own trauma and i hate that jsut being understanding is not enoughlike#Wow Lmao Its just Funny How it Shapes You. & U Can Never bury it forever becuz it will always catch up to you😂😂😂😂😂😂#AND THE PAST CAN NEVER BE ERASED 😃😃😁😁😂😂😂🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔪🔪#at least my gf has been taking steps to deal with it for.3 yrs and i just never even#LOL i feel like such a coward but the sh*me and the g**lt associated with the Thing..r so overwhelming i cant even admit it#what would i even do at the psych appointment like straight up what am i gonna say Lol#hai iam here to process something i dont actually remember probably becasue i was a child but imnot sure. n id rather#kms than tell u how i know 😂. So thats also why my heart breaks. for that little girl who was a ball of shame i guess and no matter#how much i cognitively.like rationally know its not my fault the ball of shame n guilt is still there#n it swallows me every time i vaguely start 2 think about acknowledging the Th*ng#or whatever. And thats just my end of the deal but my gf has it worse genuinely bc she remembers everything n still has to see the freak#n it went on for yrs n her family doesnt know n heres the worst thing hes a beloved family member a sweet boy with struggles of his own#well i hope he walks into traffic for doing what he did to her
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little soup cans are some of the neatest things we have, wish there were more soup-can-like things in this world
#just me hi#though canopeners need to stop being deadly weapons to some degree before that hfhs#'they're not deadly tho ?' well usually yes. but did you know that they can age Badly? i did not!#and the one I was using was dulled to an extent that it would Skip over a part of the can#(nearly the same spot every time lol) and when I thought I'd managed to fool it and had only#the tiniest bit of metal between me and some beans (pretty sure it was beans) I thought#'ohh I'll just pull up the can lid :)' Well the lid snapped off completely towards and Into my hand#and I had a bean-can wound on my pinky for about a week or so. I do not know how long it's been lol#//but soup cans are pretty cool I feel like they're kinda underappreciated !!#you can just have Soup ? Whenever ??? and it's Normal !! wow :D#sure making soup is pretty great. but that's a process man. and we're not even associates#[<- 'a process I am (not) intimate with']#like there is a little can of menudo in the pantry rn - medunito they call it isn't that just !! - and it's just there. it can be made in#like 10 minutes. is this Not the best thing ever ! ?#//I've also gotta figure out this sleeping thing that I've got going on (everybody has it going on)#I was maybe half a week into actually have a consistent thing going but the night I stopped was bc I am a sucker of a storyteller and we#were up til about. I think 4-6 a.m.#that's on me yes. my siblings vs. my desire to tell stories and rubber willpower hfbdh#a deadly match truly#and also I lost my snoopy watch (RIP snoopy watch you will be missed (I can't find it send help Waough)) and that was the only clock I had#in this room so now if I wanna know the time I have to go the living room - which is like a whole dang thing lemme tell you about it#/first I've gotta get up - easiest thing by far - and get to the door - assuming I don't get KO'd by my siblings' belongings on the floor -#get to the door. the door Is broken to some extent. opening it means a loud THDPD noise is sent throughout the entire house lol. and you#have to yank on the thing to get it open - so double effort there - and then you step out into the hallwayish area where you can then enter#the living room - oh so easy! but No! you then have to either turn on the kitchen lights and wake everyone with their door open or sleeping#in the living room for whatever reason Orrr you have to clamber over chairs pots perhaps a cat if you've got real bad luck that night to ge#up nice n personal to the clock so you can read the dang thing and see it's 11:23. which is like nothing so you stay up Anyway and do not#check the clock again because not only was that a hassle but also you released every creature that was in the room with you (that's a lot o#noise). but Yea the clock situation is ongoing hfbsh#'why don't you get a clock' that would be much too easy loll :) (last one disappeared and we keep forgetting lol) //ran out of tag space so
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eeeuuuuggghhh i'm gonna bitch in the tags a bit bcus this isn't like. serious enough to put more effort into it than that but i also don't want it to sit in my brain.
#little rock.txt#venting#self harm in tags btw#anyway. wow i hate intrusive thoughts.#like great guys. it's so cool that the way we're deciding to spend our time is constantly thinking about ways to hurt myself#oh wow stabbing myself with a knife someone left on the counter? so original. never been seen before#oh starving myself?? even when my lovely friend made us a whole dinner?? that's lovely. wow. not even a little bit rude#standing in traffic until someone comes and hits me? at least that wouldn't damage my fucking car like your other ideas!#taking something sharp to my sunburns for a two-birds-one-stone thing?? i guess you're making the best of the circumstances#like jesus fucking christ Grow Up. am i fifteen goddamn years old again#like if we're being So real the consequences of actually self-harming Far outweigh the benefits so i'm not at any real risk#(i do Not want to deal with the fallout of 1. cleaning those wounds 2. confronting my housemates with active self-harm#they actively do not deserve that happening to them)#(hi guys btw sorry. i'm fine)#but that just means i'm sitting here like. so are you gonna be productive or....?#like i had plans of what i wanted to do with my brain power tonight. was gonna write. maybe clip a stream. and we're...?#oh just sitting on my laptop playing music too loud bcus if i could hear my own thoughts it'd be a nightmare? neat.#jesus christ can i be a normal goddamn person for like fifteen minutes and get out of this anxiety spiral. it's been over 24 hours.#whatever. like at this point it's fucking whatever. if i can't drag myself into being productive i'm just gonna go to bed.#“opal is being mean to yourself really going to help” i don't know. i doubt it. unfortunately i am in the mood to be a bitch#and the only person who deserves to deal with bitchy opal is me. so.#anyway if you read all of this uuuhhh sorry. i am like this. but hey. thank you for caring
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When i say it's hard to speak with some people I always think about my mother because she exemplifies everything that I don't wanna be in life.
I mean she is sweet and I love her, don't get me wrong.
However, she is the kind of person who doesn't get anything you say.
I came out to her and she took it weird, then one day she yelled that I made her desperate or something, don't remember what she said exactly, and she mentioned that the fact i like girls was also part of this.
Then she forgets everything and keeps pestering me about finding a "boyfriend" and makes some disgusting jokes about my sex life, then she jokes that 'maybe you like girls then'.
The same happened when we talked about my brother, she kept repeating it was because he didn't have a girlfriend- when truly that's further from the truth it can get (he's fucking sensible)
It's like talking with a wall, she doesn't get anything, she just reacts in the most boomer way possible, she only cares about what other think of her, and when I say others I mean EVERYONE REALLY. I told her countless times that this mindset was strengthened by being raised in a fucking town where everyone knows everyone that can be just as nice as harmful.
She rejects that idea, but then complains we don't get married when everyone does (and as I say everyone I mean my cousins that recently a) got married b) proposed) because she FUCKING CARES that people will think badly of her (that she raised us wrong? we came out wrong? who knows) hiding it under this guise that she is actually trying to look after us because she wants to see us settled-
(I don't mean to say she doesn't care about us, I know she does, but as I said there's a further reason, something much more pressing that is pushing her)
I tried talking to her, but she doesn't get anything. I think she looks at me and in her mind she just sees a child who doesn't know what's good or what's supposed to do once you grow up-
I don't mean to say I have any idea what to do, but never once in my life I did things just because people told me "It's what everyone does".
Though I believe she expected me and my brother to do just that, which means that we have to a) get married, b) have children c) get a job, and with this I mean a state job obviously.
And this is not just her mentality, it is a widespread one and she is just another piece in the puzzle.
#the same goes for me dad mostly#but he's actually a special case#it's a bit hard to analyze than my mother#anyway lately i just reply to whatever my mom's says with a simple 'sad that you can't have your doll do whatever you say'#i think dhe doesn't get it because she looks at me puzzled#i suppose this is also cause she suffers faintly of adhd#i mean she isn't diagnosed but the way she acts and speaks say a lot#sorry for the long post i cut it for those who don't care shit#just wanted to write it down#maybe i'll delete it but oh well#i like to keep my personal tag used cause sometimes I go back and read some of these posts and think#wow nice nothing changed lol#momochats#personal
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In my...✨ depression bed ✨ phase <3
#vent#oho five hours babeeee hungry AND hot AND depressed?? what is this?? my birthday?#hahaha yeaap. it’s cool it’s cool I’m chillin#just vibin. head feels. weird. but I don’t entirely know what up with that it could be a few things if I’m being honest lol#hmmgf when was the last time I just. laid here this often?#laid? layd? layed?? whatever lol#hmm I found a fuckin uhh. vent diagram thing that showed BPD ASHD and Autism and their specific traits and overlaps#is uh. uhm. too close!! like sir!! who gave you!! permission!!!!#oofy anyways uhmmmmmm. realized that I!! don’t interact with people!! as much as I did when I was younger!!#like I had my classmates. my friends. my family. the ppl on tumblr and stuff. yknow#I was talking to someone and shit like!! every day!! for multiple hours!! a day!!!!#now it’s like. wow boy howdy. what are the chances I y’all for more than an hour with LITERALLY ANYONE today :)#uhhghgh gross ew ew nasty. I totally. don’t care that I’m not getting my enrichment#I’ll jus read tags on my art and look through old messages in place of actually. talking to anyone#mmm. conversations hard. hate talking about myself. don’t know anything besides myself. hate certain topics (but won’t say anything bout it)#anndd yeaa!! I don’t understand ppl and their motives and why they like me specifically. I put on my best personality for youu#I’m playing off of you and mirroring how you act so you’ll be ok with me <3 but that’s ok I suppose. I don’t think anyone here is out for my#guys so I’m doing good at least somewhat lol. ahmm. you ever not care about being something special to someone else. and then they kindaa.#squash that idea? and in theory you shouldn’t care since you didn’t want it in the first place but. them saying it hits? different? like oou#oh and question I don’t expect anyone to answer. you ever cried cus. someone aid you were their friend? best friend specifically? idk man#2 ppl have said I’m their best friend an I had to literally force myself not to get emotional at the first one and then I legitimately cried#with the second one LMAO like. how ridiculous is that yea? yeah#it’s. yeah. I’ve called ppl my bffs or whatever before but. it’s different when someone says it to you first ig. before I think they only#gave me the label out of convenience. not that we weren’t actually friends (at least I hope we were DHHDV) but. idk!! I literally yearned#for like!! basic shiittt!! I got put in time out like beginning of kindergarten cus I cried over my 1st best friend partnering with a new#girl instead of me!!! 😭 woof. that was the ONLY time I ever cried in public EVER. didn’t matter how many time I got hurt physically or#emotionally or how stressed I got or how confused or embarrassed and humiliated I was!! I’m NEVER letting people look at me like I’m stupid#for caring EVER. AGAIN. woof ok getting off the rails here I was like at least sort of ok when I started writing this but now I’m very much#NOT lololol so uhhhhhhhhhhh. anyways. let you get back to scrolling or swiping or whatever. I’ll be finnee totally. just. here
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