#oh wow i got like super emotional writing this lmao

[doctorweebmd]

hi this isn't a question i just desperately need to tell you how much zero sum game ruined me and put me back together again. lurking mental illness and suicidality under shit circumstances, physical disability, mental and physical scars, constantly fighting off the ptsd and having to learn how to cope in ways that don't hurt other people so you can hang onto the person that makes it all worth it. it's everything i've gone through, right down to soul destroying and healing intimacy, at first to feel pain and then to attempt feeling truly good for the first time. zero sum is undoubtedly going to be one of those artworks i can never shake off my psyche in the best way, like an abstract background hug for my heart. thank you so much for taking so many scary themes to tackle and packaging them so beautifully, i really needed that lately.

sincerely, a previous battle of the bands fan who is now absorbing your entire oeuvre into their personality.

first i want to thank you profusely for sending me this. thank you for sharing your own experience, and your own pain. i know thats not easy and i'm some random person but honestly reading this makes me feel not so alone in the world. of course, thank you for reading, but also for relaying that you felt seen by it. i always feel so silly because its a my hero academia fanfiction but, with all sincerity, words like yours are what make writing it worth it.

zero-sum is sincerely my favorite thing i've ever written and probably always will be. not because i think the plot is awesome or the physics stuff was cool (EVEN THOUGH I STILL THINK THOSE THINGS ARE TRUE) but because its the first time i was able to write about my own personal experiences with mental illness (heavily projected onto Katsuki and Izuku, lmao) in over ten years.

Okay fair warning i am going to overshare under the cut so please feel free to stop reading also I love you and cherish you and appreciate you thank you so so so much for sending this

i'm sharing this because, at some point, i needed to read this. maybe someone will stumble on to it and realize something. maybe not. maybe its just another way for me to continue to process what happened. i think i'll always be processing it. mental illness is a bitch

when things got really bad for me (the first time around) i stopped writing completely. at that time, i truly, from the bottom of my heart, believed that my disorder was the only thing that made my writing interesting. that if i was to recover, that means i could no longer do the only thing i was good for. unironically, writing was actually a major barrier to my recovery for some time.

writing, the thing i loved most in the world, started heavily triggering me.

so i stopped.

the problem was, i heavily romanticized what i was going through in my writing. i made the suffering 'beautiful.' by thinking it was beautiful, i was trapping myself in a loop of self-destruction.

they say, 'write what you know.' but all i knew was misery. so misery was what i wrote.

romanticizing your pain is something i think we all do. sometimes you have to. its a survival mechanism. if the pain is 'beautiful,' then its 'tolerable' to go through.

what no one really tells you about mental illness is that its really, really fucking lonely.

what no one tells you about recovery is, its even lonelier. its the most isolating thing in the world. everything you relied on, everything you thought to be true, the way you interact with the world completely changes.

things are always going to be different. you can't go back to who you were before.

what i did do, when i went into recovery, was read the very few published books about people with (disorder) who recovered. over and over and over again. i needed something to latch on to. anything. i needed to believe it was possible. i needed to believe people like me survived. that they could find happiness. that they could find love. that there is space in this world for people as broken as me.

i dont know. zero-sum, to me, was a love letter to that 19 year old kid that hit her (first) rock bottom. i pretended she didn't exist because it hurt too much to think about her. but what she needed to know, then, that recovering, no matter how difficult, was worth it. that life can and WILL get better. that she will one day wake up every morning and think 'fuck. i'm so glad i'm alive.' that even people like her can find happiness.

that one day, many years later, embarrassed, she'll show her scars to a person she just started dating. that he'll sheepishly show her his. that they'll exchange police reports like love letters. she'll learn that there are people out there that understand her. have felt her same pain. have lived through the same hell. she'll learn that survival is sometimes based on hope, and sometimes based on spite.

but is, despite it all, always worth it.

she'll learn that her suffering does not preclude her from love and connection and happiness.

that one day, she won't feel so alone.

and that one day, she'll be able to sit down at her computer and write about it. maybe it will be in the form of my hero academia fanfiction lmao but that doesn't make it any less real.

maybe it will reach someone. maybe it won't.

but one day, she'll be able to do the thing she loved more than anything in the world again, because nothing is ever truly lost.

there is a future worth fighting for.

[leejenowrld]

Hii bubs just read your jeno fic and its literally one of the best I ever read like ever! Firstly how are you? How was your holiday? Hope your year started well! So I made a lot of notes as I was reading, this is going to be very long. Contains spoilers and me freaking out

So starting with yn in the principal's office, I somehow read professor Johnny Suh speech about the project with his exact voice and tone like he really speaks like that sometimes-

Ooooh the panic attack, does she have anxiety?

The way jeno is so soft and smart I'm already In love with him in this wait till she found out he's a fuckboy

AND SHE DID Yeonjun spitting the facts sorry I laughed

Ok so yn and jeno are getting along they're really cute everything is peachy but I'm sending some trouble ahead

I'm still at the beginning so I may be wrong but maybe this sexy and fuckboy persona is just for show, the real jeno is who he is when he's with yn, he's naturally confident but he's also naturally laid back so he is able to have "two personalities", I even think is a bit like the Lee jeno in real life like he's so powerful and sexy on stage but out of it he's actually a sweet silly boy

No but jeno with theo had me giggling that was so cute

Oooooh its getting sexy hmmm the sexual tension hehe

Yn crying cause she wants him I get you girl

Jaemin cameo <3333

Them talking about sex I SWEAR they're getting to another level

"So you're not a needy slut?" IJBOL

Oh the similarities between her ex and jeno I hope he won't do the same

Jeno explaining his fuckboy story was so necessary but omg he's so sexy I caaaaannnnttt

The dress scene was so sensual wow the party and jeno's protective side aaa

Their differences are starting to crash I knew it would come a moment like this, but it's good how they can sort it out, I'm also happy yn enjoyed the party

They're dating OMG THEYRE DATING like officially

The smut was chefs kiss

Why does jaemin hyuck and renjun walking in on yn and jeno seems so real (jaemin and hyuck would definitely tease the hell out of him and ask if they could join and renjun would be pissed)

Oh no those stupid parties!

She's right actually, he should've told her on the phone what was happening, communication is one of the most important things in a relationship

Thank you sunwoo you're an angel but now I'm nervous

About the mean ppl I get both sides ofc yn is uncomfortable about it and jeno is also right in not letting it get into them

And I love how he's always so soft with her in these moments

FUCKING BITCH WHO ARE YOU TO TALK LIKE THAT TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN BUSINESS I SWEAR WHO SHE THINKS SHE IS I HATE HER SO MUCH

(Quick break to pet my cat cause she won't stop meowing)

The smut and after smut scene in the car was so beautiful I almost cried with them fr

GIRL you're letting some slut get into you DONT BRRAKUP WITH HIM

I WANT TO SLAP THOSE BITCHES

Again sunwoo is an angel

Jeno I love you so much you're the sweetest

DONT LEAVE HIM YOUR DUMBASS

Girl now what are you doing on his party

Damn but it's getting wild omg that was so sexy of yn

THRYRE BAAAAAACKKKKK I LOVE THEM

Also besides the love story the project idea is so cool

The speech was AMAZING I was smiling so wide through it

"I don't believe in God, but God made you for me" THAT WAS SO GOOD WTF

I love how they're ALWAYS HORNY

Sooooooo the writing was magnificent, the plot everything was so good so well planned. I got mad, frustated, happy, emotional, you portrayed love and its difficulty so beautifully

heyyyy!!! my holiday was good thank you 🥹 happy new year to you mwah

suh being the professor is everything to me. a little behind the scenes, i wanted to add a scene with him and ten (as they’re married and both are rich and handsome together duh) but it didn’t fit :( it was gonna be the ending but i really wanted the ending to be jeno smirking and saying he deserved the blow job lmao

yns anxiety!! huge role in the fic

jeno!! yeah!! super interesting. he kinda does have two personalities but keep in mind the person he was when he was with yn was a more relaxed, laid back and reserved version of himself. he’s was holding himself back a lot. i mean, as a person he is quite chill and doesn’t really actively attract attention, everyone just finds him hot and sexy cus he has that nonchalant vibe about him, but when he’s high he’s a lot more needy and himself… but he also shows his needy and confident and touchy side when he and yn get together ;))

them talking about sex was so funny lmfao it’s just jeno finally starting to loosen himself

thank you! i do struggle with smut and i wanted to showcase yn and jeno being freaks which tbh i could’ve done better but it’s ok!!! my series of texts between them will show that lmao

he’s so soft :( softest sweetest boyfriend ever he’s whipped

it’s frustrating isn’t it!! jealous ass dumb bitches. it’s so upsetting how yns anxiety got in the way :(

it was getting wild!! we love a good reconciliation line

no like… jeno and yn are CRAZY for each other oh my god they’re the most in love people you’ll meet. i wanna showcase that even more with the texts i’m gonna post and also future one shots :) wanna write them getting engaged and their sexy honeymoon hehe

[wifegideonnav]

well i… finished act 5 act 2. gonna have to rewatch cascade a bunch of times and probably read the act summary on the wiki but i have officially reached the end of the act

still enjoying it a lot but it’s getting harder and harder to read. summing up a rant i gave my friend, i’m not super in love with the sense of predestined futility - or more accurately, i don’t feel that the narrative has properly addressed that yet and justified why i should be reading about these characters who were like 100x doomed from the start.

there are so many characters and so much happening that nothing is lingered upon, which is nice pacing-wise but not so nice emotional-impact-wise. i also think the “everybody dies a bajillion times and it’s fine until all of a sudden it’s not” thing works against it in a sense, especially when the narrative doesn’t stop to mourn anyone who’s actually dead, bc by the time you realize hey wait maybe like. vriska or dad or feferi/nepeta/equius etc are dead for real it’s been like 200+ pages and you’re like well ok. what do i do here exactly.

and i know that that’s an intentional choice hussie made for how he wanted to craft his narrative - im wishing for things that he deliberately chose not to give. im not trying to say that these choices are flaws in his writing, just that as an audience member i tend to prefer the tlt method of dealing with death, where one main character dies and then the entire next book is about another ripping herself apart because of it.

im not giving up by any means, or even saying that this is what’s dominating my reading experience. like i said im still enjoying myself and appreciate most of the creative decisions that hussie is making. it can just feel very draining i suppose, watching these characters i’ve come to care about - almost all of whom are literal children - fighting so hard so futilely, and so far, imo the narrative hasn’t paid that off. however, with that out of the way, here are (some of, bc this shit was long as hell) my thoughts on the act, more or less in order:

i have literally no interest in johnkat. probably partially bc my friend is so into davekat that ive been conditioned to just wait for that to happen but also bc they have no chemistry. sorry to any johnkat shippers out there but idc it’s boring

i have slightly more but still negligible interest in john/vriska. probably bc i… don’t really care about john. sorry to any john stans out there but idc he’s boring

karkat and terezi sharing a keyboard to argue my beloved

rose my beloved. but also. sweetie :/

vriska my beloved. but also. SWEETIE :/

kanaya my beloved. you’re doing great no notes

oh yeah dave and terezi manipulated the stock market. still don’t 100% understand that but whatever good for them

yeah ok the dream bubbles. christ. like ok i GET it but they’re still annoying

i love jade’s dynamic with karkat she really goes from “teehee im just a silly little girl haha” to “im going to eviscerate this motherfucker”

bec prototyping himself was genuinely such a good reveal

is it just me or is john's power like. way lamer than the other kids' lmao. like it's still cool, def better than nothing, but come on

not too much to say abt the exiles but i love them

also with all the fucking timeline bullshit that's going on i literally can't wait to reach the end and reread with the uhsc mod that lets you follow a specific person's timeline. i canNOT keep track of what's happening when for who

it is literally so funny that vriska has been the cause of jade's narcolepsy this entire time. like wow girl you really took the opportunity to be a massive dick to her huh

LET'S BE SANTA

frogs. ok sure. why not.

fuck doc scratch all my homies hate doc scratch. i will say though. he is a fantastic character.

holy shit eridan and gamzee snapping and killing like everyone. that was buckwild what the fuck. not gonna lie idc that equius is dead, and nepeta, feferi, and tavros were never my faves. but got damn it sucks that they're dead. (ostensibly. still not one thousand percent convinced)

sad karkat :(

murderous kanaya :D

WV "DRIVING" AHHHH

oh god the ancestors. sorry but i simply do not care about that shit. like i know that they're actually relevant but. :/

also i don't like the trope of chains of events being echoed across generations. like damn get your own plot. also it ties into that determinism and futility that i'm grappling with

i will say though. mindfang mentally thanking redglare for taking her arm because then her battle against his honorable tyranny because it made it "a fair fight"? hot. i'm brave enough to say it.

aradia is cool as fuck. i wish we got more of her/her personality

aradia's ancestor is also cool as fuck. sucks that literally nothing she did to resist her fate worked or mattered

the scratch stuff is genuinely interesting narratively/in terms of a plot device. again it still sucks that the beta kids aren't actually going to get to win the game themselves. like i assume they'll be talking to/guiding the alpha kids but like. god it's so unfairrr i bet there'll be angst about this

rose going grimdark is so fun. also LMAO john trying to chat with her in that flash game portion

TEREZI god i love her. sucks that she killed vriska tho bc i love her and also i ship them. oh well murder is not necessarily a roadblock to them getting together. troll romance sure is weird. i have hope in my heart.

vriska isn't dead forever bc no she isnt <3

the betty crocker shit. is funny. and also stupid as hell.

SAD KARKAT :((

ok i guess the stuff about karkat's ancestor and the history of the troll race is kinda interesting. whatever.

everyone's in love/hate with gamzee all of a sudden?? literally why. troll romance sure is FUCKING confusing

that was a pretty anticlimactic climax to the gamzee situation, gotta say

cascade was confusing as fuck i don't have thoughts on it yet

so yeah that's it! if you're still reading, why? let me know what your thoughts on act 5 act 2 were when you read it, or your thoughts on my thoughts lol. just pls no spoilers for anything past cascade!!

[rrxnjun]

it does fit him kinda but i also just can't imagine him just teaching someone maybe i just don't know awsten enough🫡WAIT HOW HAVE I NEVER HEARD ABOUT THAT???? but this is my new fav fact about them wow🥹 wahhh tommy does deserve everything he is a savior for real🫡 my minecraft addiction is unhealthy istg i don't think i will ever be able to get out of the phase at this point it's a lifestyle ngl 🤣🥲but i'm glad to hear that u also had a minecraft phase it's just such a fun game!! ohhh i never really got into sideman but they seem very funny that's for sure!!! tbh the first time i ever heard of alex will and memeulous was through probs wilbur but i listend to their podcast in quarantine and they were very funny tbh so i understand the chokehold!!!

I DID SEE SO MANY CLIPS FROM IT IM AO EXCITED FOR THE ALBUM I CANT WAIT!!! NINGNINGS SOLO WAS SO GOOD SHE IS JUST SO AMAZING EVERYTHING WISE ITS CRAZYYY and i'm going to be very upset if the solo songs do not make it to the album they will hear from my lawyers for sure!

take ur time with it u have the all the time in the world to listen to her! my fav song from her is definitely you're here that's the thing, it's like the cutest song ever but i also really love apple cider those two would probably be my favs and also sunny day as well!!!

WE LITERALLY ARE 🫢 it has never really happened to me before as well so i'm very surprised! I LOVE THE DIRVER ERA DUDEEE🥹 SO SAME LOVE THE MAN SO MUCH i will always be thankful for austin and ally for introducing me to the amazing man ross lynch is🫡 i listened to wallows and they are pretty good definitely will listen to them more however nothing dethroned scrawny for me so i'm staying with my basic as hell fav song🫡 BAEKHYUN HOWEVER I FOUND ONE OF MY NEW FAV ARISTS I THINK!!! amusement park is just so me core i love it so much!! claiming it as my song hihi! but the whole ep was🤌🤌🤌(i still believe in u beating him one day!!!)

OH MY UR REVIEW JUST MADE MY WHOLE DAY MY GOD!!!🥹 IM VERY GLAD THAT U DIDNT REALLY DISLIKE ANY OF THEM AND THE FACT THAT SOME OF THEM MADE IT TO UR PLAYLIST IS JUST🥹🥹IM VERY GLAD THAT U ENDED UP LIKING SOME OF THEM🥹🥹🥹

lovely neighbor!!! hi!!🤭i think i knew that u were slovak but i kinda forgot:( HOWEVER I MIGHT ACTUALLY VISIT SLOVAKIA IN LIKE 2 WEEKS OR SO!! VERY EXCITED TO SEE THE COUNTRY!🥳(or more like the one city we will be visiting)

IM GLAD U ENJOYED!! I ENJOYED TALKING ABOUT MUSIC VERY MUCH AS WELL AND THANK U FOR LISTENING TO THE HUNGARIAN SONGS U ARE VERY LOVELY FOR IT!!! and also if u have any slovak song recommendation tell it to me pls as well!

LMAO NO PROBLEM FOR WRITING HER AS A CHEATER I KNEW THERE WAS PROBABLY NOT LIKE "ANY GOOD REASON" THAT U WROTE HER AS THAT BUUUT HAVING A CRUSH ON MY GF💔💔HOW COULD U /j

LMAO probably most likely it would be similar but i actually want to see them and like properly throw jisung up in the air like i still think about that every time i see jisung!! u portrayed it so well my lord!!!! oh my the renjun bathtub pics inspiring it just makes it even more perfect my god!!! THE LAST SCENE IS JUST SO SUPER GREAT IM VERY GLAD UR INNER JOHN GREEN PULLED THROUGH XD I LOVE IT WHEN MEN ARE SIMPS ITS SO RARE BUT I LOVE IIIT🫡 i wrote it right after i read it and my emotions were all over the place it showed very much i think xd AND THAT IS CRAZY WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF THAT PLAYINGGGG (liebestraum anon💕💕)

no thats so valid i couldnt imagine him being a guitar teacher either LMAO. and tommy deserves the world for that song alone AHAH also i understand the minecraft lifestyle the other day i wanted to download it too but it didnt work and i am not paying for that game so i just gave up after a while lmaoo. sidemen are funny sometimes but sometimes they also miss w their humor so take it as you will AHAHA. i didnt listen to the eboys podcast if u mean that one!! i am not a podcast girlie tbh i dont enjoy listening to people talk jfkdals but their videos were honestly my favs. also i sometimes still watch george memelous drinking vids where they watch terrible movies because i just think that is peak comedy

MY GIRLFRIEND NINGNING DID SO WELL the solo is stuck in my brain i NEED A STUDIO VERSION ASAP. i honestly never really stanned any girlgroups but aespa have such a chokehold on me istg- my friend said its only bc theyre the girl version of nct sound-wise and i was like :D ok then.

I STILL HAVENT LISTENED TO BEABADOBEE BUT I PROMISE TO GIVE YOU A REVIEW OF THESE IN YOUR NEXT ASK

no bc when austin and ally aired i was fundamentaly changed as a human. everything about ross lynch was just- DFJKA i even watched the teen beach movie like three times because i had such a crush on him LMAO. i wasnt really ever big on r5 (however i still have some of their songs in my playlist) but the driver era are sososo good. scrawny is so good!!! i think my fav from wallows (at least atm) is definitely wish me luck. it has such a good sound and the lyrics are honestly sososo good ugh. YES CLAIM AMUSEMENT PARK!!! ITS ONE OF MY FAV SONGS EVER AHHH i personally claim bambi because it's my nickname irl and when he came out w the song i lost my shit so hard i made it my whole entire personality. (thank u for believing in me. rather than beating hyuck i now fantasize about us going to a baekhyun concert together in my dreams<3)

THANK U TO INTRODUCING ME TO HUNGARIAN MUSIC!! i really have nothing against trying songs in diff languages if thats what you were afraid of!! i really enjoyed all of the songs they were so vibey<33 your music taste>>> AHAHA ITS OKAY IF U FORGOT IM SLOVAK i mean i dont really talk abt it here as much?? on my main tho,,, i dont shut up about the fact i even shitpost in slovak sometimes bc i just can. slovak music recs are hard for me to give bc i dont listen to slovak music much?? and the ones i do listen to i would get clowned for in slovakia bc they are just objectively not good songs but theyre my guilty pleasure AHAHA but if you really do wanna listen to some i recommend my by yael (it was in my top 10 on spotify wrapped last year LMAO), vďaka ti by yael and puerto (which is a badbunny cover lmao but listen to the ver on youtube and not spotify bc the spotify one sucks ass), valeriya by samey (THIS is a guilty pleasure for sure. the rap is weird but the lyrics are beautiful), staré časy by medial banana, káva by medial banana, záverečná by iné kafe, nad prahou by zoči voči and včera som miloval by fishing strip (for some good slovak punk rock<3) ALSO WHICH CITY ARE U VISITING (if u wanna tell me ofc)

the renjun bathtub pics....altered my brain chemistry so much iykwim. like i knew my man was hot but i didnt know he could get THIS hot. AHAHA MEN BEING SIMPS IS RARE BUT SO FUCKING GOOD thats why i even started my series in the first place the original title was the simp diaries bc its all about men being simps AHAHAHA

[asahicore]

wow that's kinda crazy to hear, tbh im kinda emotional about this cuz when i first got to into enha, ur heeseung fic (idk remember the title how to get back at ur ex? something like that) was the first fic ive read for them it was before u deleted ur blog, what a time, and then ur hoon fics were golden too,

i guess what I'm trying to say is thank u! its okay, nothings forever, but damn we had a fun ride with u, i supposed the only thing left is to wait for those two parts of hey heeseung and support it the best i can before u go :((

i know u are not going anywhere lmao being dramatic it's so fun tho but i will miss it ❤️❤️❤️ love you lots tho and im happy that the works u made for them happen thank u

oh my god anon this is extremely sweet and im super honored that one of my fics was the first enha fic u read, but i will say it is a tad dramatic 😭 as u said im not going anywhere !! i still have a lot of wips for them, im not abandoning any of the 100 kisses requests i got for the other boys, and i had other fic ideas for them anyway so dont worry it'll be a while before i stop writing/posting for them!! maybe what i said was a bit misleading lol i mostly meant that i'll want to focus on other groups for now on and write for them instead :) but thank u so much for ur kind words anon !!

[surrealsunday]

helloo! wow it’s been a little while ngl! but when when chap10 was posted i was like “do i read it now or wait till the epilogue is posted? 🤔” and i ended up waiting for the epilogue, idk in my head it’s as logic sjsbdb. meanwhile i decided to rewatch stranger things + skamfr kinda at the same time bc it’s been way too long (for the latter). then the epilogue was posted and haven’t found the time or energy to settle and read the last two chapters (we love uni for that). till tonight!! so here’s my not so little review of the chap10 + the epilogue 😅

-> chap10

woaaah im at loss for words for how cute and beautiful that chapter was omg! the vulnerable moment right after the intensity of their love scene hit me right in the feels, lucas’ “please don’t hurt me (again)” and then eliott hugging him tight saying “i promise” 🥺MY HEART🥺

also these little acts had me giggling and kicking my feet

gosh i’m just so giddy when it comes to them like- THEY. ARE. IN. LOVE. 🥹

OH YEAH the moment when idriss came back home and said “I swear, if you fucked in the kitchen, Eliott -" made me think of that one scene in tempo (i think) when he discovers they did it on the counter and there was like evidences or sth and i just burst out laughing 😭 like i imagined him being so done already with them (/affectionate of course)

-> epilogue

MY HEEAART!! i know i’ve said it like a million times already but i’m so soft for theeem 🥺

i really loved how eliott reassured lucas during the moving, how they once more opened a little to one another. then lucas asking him to say something true abt himself, eliott’s little story was very cute despite starting kinda sad :(( but that little parallel to the minute par minute scene but this time it’s eliott calming lucas down ☹️

but goosh i’m in love with their love, in every universe istg 🥰 like i smiled SO BIG here!

now real thing: i cant believe it’s over now :/ i’m gonna miss them so much, these version of elu is definitely one of my favorite! i wanna thank you for writing this fic that, i’m sure, helped a lot of people (including me) escape their boring ass work/uni life ahah. every time it truly has been an amazing time, even when pain was dominent sometimes. but as always i’d say sjsbsb

wishing you a wonderful friday and weekend, i’m gonna spend mine mourning elu!10things and thinking of how much their love is incredible in every universe 😭💞

gosh i just realized i forgot about to say some more things in my previous message 😭 in my defense it’s 1am so- anyways

i’m also very thankful you listened to the little voice in your brain and wrote that little epilogue, the quote of kat is one of my favorite and it’s really well included! would have been such a waste not having lucas saying this tbh.

also the last pic of chap10, eliott’s post with the shadows…wow i literally stared at it for 10 good minutes it was so well done! especially lucas’ wild hair sbsjsb (also i see you have been generous for some parts 👀)

finally, i thanked you for the fic but i also wanna be grateful to your friend julie for pressing you making this fic alive ahah, bc yeah your elu fic are really one of the most emotionally amazing and still being able to read elu content in, now, 2023 is truly incredible ♥️

Oh my gosh I somehow completely missed the notification for these messages in my inbox. I'm so sorry! I was not ignoring you, I just am a useless human 😂

As always I absolutely love hearing your thoughts. I'm so glad you liked chapter 10 🥹. It was interesting pairing smexy times with some super raw emotional nakedness. I liked it tho. It felt right and natural in the moment.

Your memes btw aldfkjalsdfkja. They kill me 😂😂😂

I thought about Idriss in Tempo too at that moment! I truly don't know why I keep doing these things to poor Idriss lmao. But I make it up to him with Manon. So I don't feel too bad 😌.

Ok, so I very much got minute-by-minute vibes in that moment of the epilogue too, but it wasn't pre-planned that way. I kinda love that you had the same reaction. It just sort of happened and as I was writing it occurred to me that it very subtly nodded to that classic Skam moment. It seems they're determined to be that way in every universe.

Ahhhh the shadow pic! It's one of my faves! I get obsessive about most things (this is not news lmao) so it wasn't surprising that I obsessed over getting those shadows right, but in the end when it did look like them I was sooooo satisfied. And yes, satisfied with the very lovely booty on Lucas too 😌. It makes me so happy you liked it too!

Really it was my absolute pleasure to share this fic, most especially because I seriously do have the best readers in the world, and you all are so generous in leaving me your thoughts and feelings about the story (there is really nothing better than that as a writer). It's a big part of me coming back to Elu over and over, I think. I love reconnecting with all of you. And of course I'm more than happy to provide distraction from real life!

P.S. I told Julie what you said and lemme tell you... the way she got all proud and puffed up on herself 😂😂😂. I told her to take it down a notch but she's already kicking into high gear on harassing me for new stories lol.

Anyways, all the love to you. Thank you again so much for sending me your thoughts as you read the story. 💖💗💞💝

[catboysooyoung]

🛒✨🎶💌 ! and, are there any elements that you’d like to incorporate into your fics and writing that you haven’t yet (for reasons of time/opportunity)?

Omg sorry I am just answering this now. I didn't think I'd get any asks... And sorry this got Very Long. I'm an incredibly self-obsessed person who loves Being Asked Things About Myself.

Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

Oh hm, let's break this into parts.

Themes:

Grief/longing, haunting as part of that, difficult family relationships, love but not in the way it matters

Feels

Somberness, intimacy, despair, fear

Scenes

Quiet moments between characters where they don't say anything, but let the silence speak for them as they try to understand one another. <- not great at writing dialogue

Cooking: someone cooking for another person or someone eating someone else's cooking, shopping for cooking materials. etc.

Someone looking out the window or something similar

Imagery

I'm actually not sure about this one, I guess I make a lot of references to the night and the sea, and also like blood and guts. I think it's stuff with internal organs after all? Or maybe I just like the imagery of things coming apart. Usually they involve the body in some way. Escape or wistfulness or fear and danger are usually portrayed through the waves or the night atmosphere. Or something. Sorry, I'm not a lit major so I can't really. word it much better than this. I am also lost. If anyone's ever read a number of my works, maybe they can tell me lol.

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

Ughhh this is so hard because I'm a very harsh critic on myself, but I guess it's cool that I'm like, trying hard or whatever. I may not write as much this days, but the few odd pieces of poetry and such do come out okay-ish even if they also look like something that can be written much better by like, 14 year olds or something and are also super angsty with no substance. It's like, cool that I can somewhat implement some stuff I've learned be it through theory books (which I've not finished.) or through assimilation from reading other works. Like woo I'm not super horrible at studying, or whatever. I've also been told my writing is pretty "evocative" and "emotive" so I guess it's probably true? I do write a lot of my feelings. And I actually do like how... filler-y all my works feel, how meandering they are. I know nothing about film, but I always think of my writing in terms of like, directing, as in how do I want these scenes to play out? And I know not a lot of people like this sort of writing style, but I do...... Maybe I won't write anything of substance or whatever, but I can write pretty things to please myself or something.

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

Not really. I have something wrong with me so I can't really listen to most music when trying to write, because I'm easily influenced by the words being sung or I'd get distracted by the melody. I think I only listen to like, classical arrangements or white noise whenever I try to write. Because otherwise, my brain would be thinking of the lyrics instead of what I'm trying to write. It's the same thing with like, people speaking around me. When I can't fully tune it out, I end up... being too focused on the conversations around me and not on my actual writing lol.

As for what I've been playing on loop.... I'm told it's I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by MCR LMAO.

💌 How do you feel about comments and feedback?

I love comments and feedback!! I always get so amazed whenever I get them because it's like, wow, you people actually care enough about my work to read it and show me what I can do to improve it??? It always feels surreal to me, I always go back to my comments section whenever I feel like shit to make myself feel better. Even the simplest comments make me happy... I get excited just by knowing people out there are seeing the stuff I put out...

But well, of course I'm also a bit wary sometimes when it comes to getting beta'd because I'm bad at not taking concrit personally and also because I constantly feel the need to be shaped by every input, like I have to follow everything to the letter, but I'm... slowly working on that lol..

Are there any elements that you’d like to incorporate into your fics and writing that you haven’t yet (for reasons of time/opportunity)?

Oh there are so, so many things I want to incorporate into my fics and writing, but I feel so, so terribly inadequate in both my skill level and my time to execute them properly:

childcare/childrearing

genuine, solid horror

sweet romance that's genuine and not one-sided or boring. And also good steamy scenes. I'm bad at these because I'm chronically bitchless and also evil and bitter and have issues.

comedy

more solid worldbuilding

better dialogue

more intricate prose

EFFICIENCY!!! I want to be able to be concise while still conveying a lot....

Sorry if I'm not getting this question right, btw fskdjfdsf

ANYWAY. THANK U SO MUCH FOR THE ASK ANON <3

[vera-ohmyotp]

I am writing this from my grave (and no I still have no idea how tumblr works so I use it like twt but here they don’t tell me to shut up bc the character limit is longer lmao)

You made me cry😭 like not lying, but not in a bad way!!!! I guess I was too emotional today and it has been a really weird day I guess. I was very happy when I saw we were getting 34 minchan creations because of the Secret Minchan Valentine’s event but then I got the chance to sit down and see everything that was being posted and everyone was so cool and I came to see yours (WHICH BTW I ALREADY KNEW IT WAS YOU WITHOUT EVEN CHECKING THE LINK WHEN THE TEASER WAS POSTED BC THERE IS NO ONE IN THIS PLANET WHO CAPTURES MY ATTENTION AND MY HEART WITH SUCH FORCE😭😭😭😭)

And oh my god

I was seriously not expecting a FULL COMIC (this feature is so cool Hehe) so I grabbed a pillow and made myself comfortable to enjoy it

And I am currently on my knees

What the hell akku what the hell what the hell WHY ARE YOU SO TALENTED AND SO HARD WORKING !!!!!! THE WAY YOU KEEP TRYING NEW THINGS AND NEW STYLES AND STILL SLAY EVERY SINGLE TIME????? BLESS YOUR BEST FRIEND, THEY KNEW YOU WOULD SLAY AND YOU SERVED SO HARD WONDUEBWODHEUWNSOWJ

They look so pretty!!😭😭😭😭😭 and i can tell you made this even if it’s very diff from your usual style!! And it’s just SOOOO CUTE!!! The colours are so warm and so Valentine’s Day aesthetic (bc pink, I’m a simple minded person and I go by vibes lmao). And I know this might be very weird but I loved the backgrounds lmaoooo like I WAS LOOKING AT THEM GOING OHHHHHH WOW THIS IS PRETTY!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭 the bathroom wall is so pretty what the heck😭 what type of sorcery is this I KEPT STARING AT IT FOR A SOLID 30 SECOND MOMENT BEFORE I FORCED MYSELF TO MOVE ON 😭😭😭😭😭😭

But what absolutely FLOORED me was 🐰’s blush and 🐺‘s cocky attitude. I’m not kidding when I said my soul left my body when mnh asked him to put on a shirt and chn HAD THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO SAY “I’ll sleep like this anyways” LIKE SIR I AM GOING TO SEND YOU THE HOSPITAL BILL I AN NOT OKAY😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 AND MNH’S REACTION IS SO FUCKING REAL BUT PLEASE THEN CHN ASKED IF MNH WAS GOING TO RAVISH HIM AND THE BUTTERFLIES I FELT OSBDYENQODBEUWNDOHEWI BC MNH FUCKING DIDDDDD (as he should and it’s not like he can’t help it, this man is so whipped please) AND THEN THE BUTTERFLIES GOT SUPER STRENGTH AND THEY WERE ABOUT TO LIFT ME UP FROM MY BED FROM HOW INSANE THEY WENT😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 MY GOSH THISE KISSES WERE GREAT THEY WERE REALLY RAVISHING EACH OTHER AND IT KEPT GOING UP AND UP AND MNH’S EXPRESSION WITH CHN PRESSING HIM AGAINST THE MIRROR I NEED OXYGEN

I NEED OXYGEN URGENTLY 😭😭😭😭

I HAD TO TAKE DEEP BREATHS AFTER FINISHING READING THE COMIC AND THEN I READ YOUR NOTE And I cried bc I’m emotionally unstable but what else is new😚

I seriously don’t know how to even tell you how much I loved this. Like, I really don’t react so strongly very often so I’m genuinely mind blown right now.

Akku, you deserve the world. You give everyone so much with your amazing art and you’re such an amazing human being too. You keep challenging yourself and exploring new things and you share them with us because your heart and your love is so big it knows no limits. I think this is one of the reasons I fall in love with your art every single time. You convey so much love and it’s probably bc that’s what you feel too! And you always portray mnchn so so so so well, you really know how to capture their essence and enlighten it which different shades and concepts. I am a huge fan of your work

You can bet I will come back to read this often lmao I loved it so much, so so so so much😭😭😭😭😭 thank you for sharing this with us akku❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

🪥night routine

for my giftee @/lillyandcat (tinkerbell) as part of the minchan secret valentine’s exchange on twt. i hope you have a love-ly day~ 💗

[eoieopda]

I should know better than to start my Sunday mornings by reading your fics by now. Why do I still do it? Cause I like to make myself suffer. 🥰

Let me start by just saying- *clears throat* AaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Why are you making menace OC suffer so much? Why is my poor baby always being thrown headfirst into an emotional turmoil? Why would you write an entire part about her feeling like cellophane and then casually dropping that scene w Jin remembering how 14 y/o him forgot to pick her up from dance practice? If you think my rant has anything to do w my insecurity of being unwanted, no it doesnt.

Why is Jin being a dumbwit by throwing parties to make them get together while simultaneously messing w Jimin by casually telling him that he's lucky he's not swallowing his teeth for fooling around w someone's sister? Why didn't Jimin tell her that her brother made him blow her off one year ago? I have so many question🫥

And if I remember correctly, I think pt.3 ended w Jin finding Jimin in front of oc's house? What happened to that?

I'm sorry for bombarding you w so many questions 😭 You did so good😭💕 You're so fucking good at writing angst! You make the wait sooo worth it and if you ever saw me crying, no you didn't. Ok maybe a little! 🥹

oh, wow, thank you so much! 😭💕 it’s early where i am, so my brain is bad at determining what’s rhetorical and what isn’t (lol). here’s why i did what i did:

because (surprise!) i’m the menace 😌 lmao. no but really, i wanted to make it super clear why this very specific letdown would’ve been so devastating + why that experience with jimin as kids wound up with mc putting him on a pedestal to fall from later. mc’s never really seen him clearly, just angel (then) and demon (now).

this comes up at the beginning of pt. iv, but jimin would’ve talked it through if mc hadn’t left that voicemail 😔 poor buddy heard his deepest insecurity weaponized by the last person he’d ever expect/want to hear it from 🥲

the conversation with seokjin happens right after jimin leaves mc’s house and goes home! that’s why seokjin asks if jimin has anything he wants to tell him, criticizes him for taking what seokjin thinks is two years to make a move, etc. meanwhile, jimin is 👁️👄👁️ because he 1) got caught, 2) did not wait two years to get with seokjin’s sister, and 3) this whole thing wouldn’t have happened if he’d known seokjin was rooting for them. ✨ everybody in this fic needs therapy ✨

[macgyvertape]

BSD spring '23 season liveblog

The most annoying thing is in some places eps 38-50 are season 3 and are season 4 in others 

Ep1 has phenomenal use of color where its greyscale and basically monotone except for a few details, but its done so well that there’s depth and contrast with the grey on grey. The full color showing up from Ranpo’s PoV then is a shock and drives home the different viewpoint. Even the fight choreography of Oda vs Fukuzawa comes across clearly and better done than most full color fights in other shows 

Living for this Ranpo serious character focus. The glasses transition as the world shifts into color. I’ve said it once but its so fucking good

Fukuzawa being featured in the flashback arc makes me appreciate him so much more, like I hadn’t paid him as much attention as other secondary characters because he got so little spotlight and seemed to have his shit together

Oh shit, there’s Fyodor Dostoevsky! I was expecting the Port Mafia but not him 

What the name of the music that plays post credits ep 3

Thrilled by Poe getting to star in a 2 episode plot, his focus episode was one of the things that made the Guild arc my favorite current day arc

Lmfao Poe being filthy rich and Ranpo having such a bad reaction was hilarious

The mysteries in the show are such fun

Tripping out on Poe’s ability synth wave room 10 hours

Lmao what did Rampo expect, that Mushitaro wouldn’t immediately be killed?

Nikolai’s psycho showman killer routine is super annoying and the episode isn’t even halfway

Love to see the trap build up very obviously with viewer knowledge

Great dark with red color pallets with ep7

Damn the hunting dogs get a cool music intro (they get it twice!)

From the word criminal i expected the Port Mafia to show up, but damn Chuuya has a great entrance

Kunikida is really going through it ever since the tunnels, i love when good writing stresses a character’s ideals hard, so this plotline where things build and build and build has been great.

Kunikida made what looks like a sacrifice play, time to stay up to watch this. He has such plot armor that I can’t believe he’s dead.

Really enjoying how many other characters than Danzai and Atsushi get to be in the spotlight this season

Soon as I say that Danzai shows up as a plot twist. His intelligence is very much a plot device, which is why (IMO) fandom Danzai fic falls flat a lot of the time where its “he would not fucking say that/he’s not this much a woobie and is smarter than this”

I've been playing a drinking game for the number of anime eyeglass flashes this season

Yosano gets a PoV episode, and peak example of how this shows can explore darker themes even with a healing ability, and also nail the emotional impact with the camera pan on the medallion and suicide note

Into my drinking game and I’m really noticing and appreciating the little bursts of music for 10-30 seconds  

Hmm Hirotsu is the 2nd character where it seems the hunting dogs have got a kill but body isn’t shown to the viewer 

Was not expecting Tachihara to be the last Hunting Dogs member. I better rewatch earlier seasons

Glad Mushitaro is alive, he’s a fun character haunted by the death of his best friend

Ango is getting some fun reveals this episode

Wtf is this sky casino, this helicarrier looking thing

“Most terrifying thing is a mediocre man who’s desperate”. Unfortunately true

I thought it was obvious that Sigma and Sky Casino came from the Book, but they’re making sure to spell it out 

Wow the Hunting Dogs have to go through fucked up surgeries every month or they’ll die horribly. It explains so much. (Wish I could find more fanworks that are this quality of “the limits these characters will go for their objective” and less shallow fluff)

The good outro music is back again in ep 13

Cliffhanger nooo! This ranks as new best season of BSD really enjoyed the amount of angst this season. 

Once again I wish this fandom would stop spam tagging things especially when I want to find secondary character focused works.

[darlingpwease]

this is some kind of villain era

Then behold!! /j

I thought it was obvious,

I didn't know who you were talking about tbh :')

the spirit that lures travelers

a good role model for them

Asbidnsbsjs break, I need a break- DOVE, goodness please watch what you say! I can't handle it </3 /pos

I'd lure them in? Oh, dear you have the most intoxicating mouth, that I think it would be the other way around!! /pos /super pos

(〃^∇^)ﾉ kisses and bites for you~~ <33

For who I bite/who bites I feel like it depends on how close I feel to them??

With kisses, it's like warm little stamps of affection, but with bites it's more like a claim. They feel more personal, I guess?? Does that make sense??

I want to eventually find someone that I can share that "bite bond" (idfk) with, like a strong security I guess??

I do agree with you though, bites do express a range of emotions, especially ones that kisses dont. If I bite someone, or vice-versa, I think it'd be amazing (duh, lol) but only after a proper form of trust, I guess???

Kisses feel more romantic, and bites feel more raw- does that make sense??? Idk if that make sense.

I genuinely have no clue if I'm making sense, I've never talked about bites/kisses before lmao but because they're both affectionate, I think that's why I like 'em.

wow food!!!

I've got a majority of it down, but it's already around 2k words which is way WAY more than I thought, so i can send a shortened version if you'd like, Dove :))

I want to invite you to read it if you're interested,,,,

YES YES YES PLEASE, finished or not I'd love it omgomg I love that post sm, I'd love to hear some more on it!!!!

tentacle is always good,,,,,, and slimes,,,,,,,,

I literally love ur mind 🛐

wait, but you recently told me that enough...

OH NY GOD I JUST SHOT MYSELF IN YHE FOOT WITH THAT ONE IM SORRY

You're enough, but I just can't help but want more than enough

I guess? /pos

I CANT BELIEVE I DID THAT OMG IM SO SORRY

-panna cotta

noOOOOOOOO you should have said "sorry I'm naughty panna cotta, I won't be like that anymore, I won't be the most teasing"!!! you shouldn't get benefits!!! you shouldn't be so obviously enjoying the villain era!!! uuuuuuuu /j

that's it, panna cotta can no longer be stopped, now everyone is for themselves </3333 /j /pos

I'm not teasing you, honey </3 I realize it probably didn't sound obvious; before that there was a context about yuuta & toge and then I start talking about something else, of course it was confusing </33 you're good, sweetest, I'm just poking your cheek <3 /hj /affectionate

nice try — but these schemes don't work on me anymore!!! I was mentally prepared for the fact that there would be a trap here!!! was ready for you to use your charms!!! will stand!!!

scrumptious panettone, I believe you're luring them. look at you. when you're charming — not teasing — it's impossible for others to resist you. the sweetest bun. I wouldn't be able to resist, to be honest. /hj /pos

I'm telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth <3 you keep sounding like a sweet-voiced siren through <33 or kitsune /t /poa

yes!!! I agree with you. kisses are more romantic and they are easier to express the range of emotions that bites can express only in certain conditions — while kisses can express almost everything.

and if in reality they sound kind of good, then when I write, they sound too romantic, you know? even if I love romance, talking about someone that you kiss them, actually kissing and writing about them kissing is different. you're kissable, and when I say it, I mean it in a good way — but when it's a character kissing, I feel like I'm cooling off </3 they just usually don't answer my needs unless they are a resolution or promotion tool (you know, first kiss, reconciliation kiss and all that)

but!!! I still agree that they are very tender and sweet. they sound like more loving and restrained than bites <3 no one kisses from aggression or in an attempt to defend themselves, but when they can't say what they feel. it's more personal and binding <333

mmm, am I your first for a kissing/biting discussion? what an honor <333 /hj /pos

you can't tease and then offer a short version </333 all!!! gimme all food!!! all!!! /pos; no pressure </3

I'm glad we're on the same page, honey <333 slimes and tentacles are good things <33

... okay, you sound as smooth and good as the original panna cotta, so I'll believe it's just a "misunderstanding", but I'm watching you </3333 /j

dear, gosh, and after that you accuse me of sweetness??? I would blush if I could; charmant panettone shsgdhdghd </3333 'more than enough ' skshjkekejd come here I'll kiss your face prettyfull sly fox </3333 /affectionate /hj

here honey <3 [word docx]

× not all the warnings that are indicated are actually in the text — I write them first and only then the text to roughly imagine what I will write.

[yasmindifference]

do you accept questions about your stories? can i ask what jaytim's relationship will be like in the future of your "be my robin"?

oh you have no idea, anon, it's INCREDIBLY flattering to be asked questions about my fics! I'm always happy to answer....unless I have plans to write a fic about the topic of the question, in which case the question will just sit in my inbox, making me feel guilty until the writing occurs....(*shoves ask re: "do me a favor" received three weeks ago under the bed*)

but you asked about the relationship in be my robin! I do plan to write more eventually (I actually got a good start on the planned sequel this morning! and then I decided I hated it, so...back to the drawing board lmao), but I can share a bit in general!

so, if you're the kind of person that doesn't even like minor spoilers, look away!!

for Jason, he is just....super possessive. SO possessive. I think he's a possessive person in general (witness: repeated violence against Tim all because Tim took what belonged to him), but in this universe specifically he takes it to a whole other level. because Tim is his Robin, wearing his colors, adding his color to his name.....all of that gets down deep under Jason's skin. and he's kind of smug/extra jealous in Dick's general direction, because Dick gave Tim up. he doesn't get to come sniffing around now trying to take Tim back just because he doesn't want Jason to have him.

on Tim's side, I think under different circumstances Jason's extreme possessiveness would've been maybe irritating, maybe even unacceptable. (like, trying to control Tim's interactions with his family? not cool.) but under THESE circumstances? when Jason found him just when he was feeling completely alone and unwanted and lost? yeah, he enjoys the possessiveness a lot. it just really underlines how much Jason wants (even needs him), and Tim needs that kind of reassurance. I'm not saying he deliberately provokes Jason's jealousy whenever he's feeling particularly down, but I'm not not saying it, you know?

in the reverse direction, Tim is VERY protective of Jason. Tim's just lost so many people he's loved recently and wow is Jason NOT allowed to go on the list. just. no. not to say he doesn't trust Jason's ability to protect himself, and he's not interfering with Jason's fights, he's just.....very aware of them. and Jason does NOT get to go anywhere without backup. which might cause conflict when Jason's trying to hide some of his...less palatable activities for fear knowing exactly what he's up to will spook Tim into running back to the Bat.

and Jason loves Tim's protectiveness. like, he knows Tim knows exactly what he's capable of. so the fact that Tim feels the need to protect him, even knowing he doesn't need that protection, brings home how much Tim cares about him. and Tim's ready and willing to protect him from emotional hurts, too--and there's very little Jason enjoys more than watching Tim defend him from the rest of the family's criticism.

what I'm saying is their behavior towards each other works VERY well and the rest of the family is baffled

I hope that's some of what you were looking for, anon! thanks for asking!! ♡

[chasingpj]

𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐨 𝐝𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫

pairing: leo valdez x child of iris!reader

requested?: yes!

translation: full of color

warnings: uhh, mentions of mental health and ?? maybe some typos lmao

category: headcanons, fluff, best friends to lovers

pre-relationship

though, leo saw you around camp often, you caught interest in him before he caught interest in you

i mean, he literally couldn't miss you because your outfits were always bright, whether it was a combination of colors or monochromatic

you and your siblings actually look like a rainbow threw up on you guys, and it's honestly iconic

no one at camp can not notice the children of iris, especially when they're in a herd

one day, you were sitting alone at a picnic table near the lake, and you found yourself drawing him in your sketchbook

you sketched a portrait of him while he spoke to piper at a table nearby

you've always found the floppy curls and how his brightest smiles always look a little manic to be adorable

when you sketched his portrait in your notebook, you didn’t intend for him ever to see it

until a couple of weeks later in the arts and crafts center, leo passed by and caught sight of a new project you were working on

he stopped in his tracks to compliment your drawing

since you were nowhere near done with it, you couldn’t admire the piece as much as he was

but his enthusiasm was so endearing

he politely asked if he could see more, and you didn’t hesitate to slide over your sketchbook

he noticed a lot of your drawings were scenery and people at camp; especially your siblings

he stumbled across a detailed sketch of a woman and her child sitting in a bus

“wow… who’s this?”

“oh, I don’t know. It was just a little girl I saw on the train with her mother.”

“so you just drew her?”

you never realized how weird your habit of drawing random people was until he had asked

you giggled nervously, quick to explain yourself, “I tend to draw people or things that I find beautiful. I wanted to capture how calm and happy she was with her child ‘cause at the time, I was stressed and angry. Watching and drawing her made me calm.”

leo nodded, a faint smile on his lips before looking back down at the drawing. “that’s really cool,” he complimented, and you shifted in your seat, suddenly shy.

And then it hit you

you were so willing to show leo all your works that you had completely forgotten that his portrait was in that book

your pulse thumped loud in your ears, mind racing to figure out a way to take away your sketchbook before he could see it

you ended up spending so long thinking of what to do that he arrived on the page in no time

right before he could see the drawing in its entirety, you slammed the book closed and snatched it

leo’s startled expression turned into a mischievous smirk

“was that me?”

you froze in your place; a squeaky sound escaped your throat in your embarrassment

leo’s brown eyes sparkled as he leaned into you, your gaze fixed on his, “y/n, you think I’m beautiful?”

AHHHH!

^^ that was you in your head btw

leo laughed, amused at your attempt to deny it

“then why did you snatch it away?” he raises an eyebrow before reaching over quickly to grab the sketchbook back

you didn't pull it out of his reach fast enough, leo getting a grip on one side

the two of you pull it back and forth, leo laughing at you as you continued to deny what he saw

though you were incredibly embarrassed, you couldn't contain the laughter bubbling in your chest

gods, of course, this would happen to me, you thought

he got it out of your grip, and you sighed in defeat, watching him flip to the page of him and piper

he was quiet, studying the picture for a second before giving you that playful smirk

“you think I’m beautiful?” he asked again

you playfully rolled your eyes, “it was more piper than you.”

your tone was sarcastic, only fueling leo’s banter with you

“oh really?” he chuckled to himself, “but i’m the only one colored in.”

you were silent at his observation before scoffing, “whatever.”

leo only laughed as you take the book away from him

“don’t you have somewhere to be, fire boy?” you asked and nudged his shoulder

the glint in your eyes made him smile, and he shrugged, “i guess i do. i'll see you around."

you nodded, too shy to do anything else, and he walked off

after that, leo took it upon himself to talk to you every day

leo teased you about the drawing all the time, and he found the way you would play along to be funny

before you both fell in love, you were close friends

you had such an optimistic point of view about life, and it was pretty contagious

somehow when leo was in the dumps about something, you always knew what to say

you were just so easy to talk to, and because of this, your friendship just grew naturally

your first kiss was towards the end of summer

leo invited you to hang out with him in bunker nine at, specifically, 6 pm

you teasingly asked if it was a date, and you remember the way he tensed up a bit

with a mumble, he asked, "what if it is?"

from the tone in his voice, you knew he wasn’t joking

in fact, his tone was hesitant, a part of him was expecting you to reject him

then the heavy pit in his stomach turned light when you smiled and said, "then I'm down."

the grin leo gave you made your heart flutter like crazy

your first date consisted of eating snacks and watching a movie on one of those portable DVD players

You picked up on the tension between you and him, and noticed the opportunities for a kiss kept passing

it was until Leo walked you to your cabin that night did you have a moment of boldness and asked, "so are you going to kiss me or?"

leo's eyes widen in surprise before his face broke out in the familiar smirk he gives when he flirts with you

you rolled your eyes playfully and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him into you

your first kiss was sweet and soft; a little awkward

his hands hovered over your sides for a second, not sure what to do with them until he decided to rest them on your waist

it was the perfect way to mark the beginning of your relationship

relationship

since you guys are both broke teenagers, you got creative with date nights

you came up with the idea of paint splattering with him

you guys got canvases, covered the walls and floors with plastic to make sure you didn't dirty them

then you filled water balloons with paint and just threw them

despite you guys singing and dancing around in the midst of it, the canvases came out so good

and to commemorate the beginning of your relationship, you hung them up side by side in bunker nine, and when you guys get a place together, you hang them up in the hallway of your apartment

leo is a huge gift giver; as i’ve said before in my “how he shows he loves you” headcanons

he’s made you a lot of things; canvases, jewelry, little trinkets with scrap metal

one of your favorite gifts from him is a suncatcher with rainbow quartz

you fell in love with it and when you move in together, you make sure to hang it up in the kitchen with the bunch of other suncatchers that he’s made you

i love the idea that you would attempt to bring more color in his wardrobe

a lot of his clothes are muted in color; you don’t mind it but you were interested to see what he’d look like in a colorful outfit like yours

To say the least, he was not that enthusiastic and maybe, you shouldn’t have put him in a monochromatic orange outfit but… you still thought he looked cute

leo thought he looked like a traffic cone though so it didn’t stick

it’s okay because you like him the way he is anyways

another thing is that you guys are super supportive of each other and leo loves just how you manage to lift his mood

once leo was having a bad mental health week

you guys were sitting under a tree, looking out at the water

his head laid on your shoulder and small sniffles came from the other

it hurt to see him like this and you wished you could do more to make him feel better

then you had the greatest idea to make a rainbow for him

so you did

leo was so stunned when he saw the rainbow form over the lake

he looked at you surprised and when you admitted to making the rainbow for him, the emotion on his face was indescribable

and then you laughed and held him when he started crying because he said it was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for him

another time, you insisted that meditation would be good for him

he literally sat down for like 3 minutes with his eyes closed before he was itching to get up and do something

even when he was sitting down, he was still bouncing his legs and fidgeting

so that fell through too but you still helped him in other ways and he’s so grateful for your optimism and bubbly personality

leo always says that you bring color to everything; literally and figuratively

one of the things you bring color to is his life

and he’s constantly reminding you of this; that his world just feels brighter now that you’re around

and it’s literal too

since you painted the walls of bunker nine a bright orange

he asked you why orange, and you told him because orange encourages productivity, creativity, and most importantly, optimism

it may have also reminded you of the orange outfit you put him into

anyways, you told him that it hurt you to see him get down in the dumps, and you insisted there was no way he could be sad in a bright orange room

needless to say, you were kinda right

masterlists taglist: @nct127bee @minamisulemisa @yanfeisluvr @cartocns @slytherclaw-kitten @idk-bye-no @percysbluehairbrush @Hermioneswifeee @quteez @drayshadow @ashookykooky @anything-forourmoony @loverstyless @yelenabel0vaswife @ohmydamgods @jordannfields @amy-writes-blog @muted-mayham @dreamerball @earthtokace @thehighladyofday @lala-llama123 @tootsdoll @slytherindaughterofposeidon0 @black-rose-29 @somekidnamedkai @possiblylostchasecousin @hamdehlesmis @cami05sworld @does-anyone-hear-me @sol-the-salmon

if your username is bolded that means i can’t tag you ! you probably have your visibility settings on!

[jjuzoir]

Dating Suna Rintarou HCS

Word Count: 1388

A/N: i’m sick of the suna slander 😔 i wanted some soft sunrin hc’s because it’s always drug lord rin this or toxic suna that :’) i’m too soft for that i need me some 17 y/o meme nerd who’s socially awkward and still asks himself how he got a s/o. if no one else will i will 👺

- He may be good at reading volleyball moves but he’s definitely a little dense when it comes to emotions.

- He doesn’t really talk much about them with you, it’s not that he doesn’t feel anything - he just struggles expressing himself properly with words, so in turn he tends to express himself with actions.

- He’ll struggle a lot at the beginning, afraid to upset you or overstep some boundaries that haven’t been explained, but with time he’ll grow comfortable telling you things as they are.

- The type to walk over to you when he sees you’re not feeling too good and wrap his arms around you, he doesn’t say much as you slowly return the hug and sob. He won’t say anything, he’d let you pour it out now and later have a talk with you.

- He’d have a few snacks you like on his bag too just in case you get hungry or whatever, he says they’re for him but you know he doesn’t like that brand of chips but you do.

- Once you’re done, he takes your hand and leads you to a more private area and encourages you to talk. He may not be able to solve the issue but sometimes talking about how you feel… makes things better, even if it’s just slightly.

- He’s the type to remember anything you tell him even in passing, mention something like your parent’s birthday or an appointment and he’ll just store the information in his brain and spit it out at random times.

- That includes things such as food orders and allergies, what you like and don’t, the things that make you uncomfortable or that make you feel icky; he could write a book on you. Just text him over for some food and he’ll know what to order you even if it’s a place you’ve never been to together.

- He really likes having pictures and videos of you on his camera roll, he'll have super cute pictures of you on a date one moment and then a video of you falling on your ass after you went to pick up a pencil.

- Once you start being more serious about your relationship, he’ll dedicate every game and point he scores to you. If you’re there he’ll look over to your seat and nod, his eyes naturally gravitate towards yours, he’ll always smile at you whenever he scores a point.

- Won’t say it at first but he loves it when you wear his jacket, seeing you in the stands cheering for him with the rest of his classmates pumps him up. After he notices he does better when you do, he’d probably get an extra one for you with his number on it (when Atsumu heard him asking Kita for it he broke lung laughing).

- He hesitated a lot before asking you out, he’s the type of guy to watch over his crush for a while. Not in the creepy way more in the “wow this person is so cool I want to approach them but I’m too embarrassed”-way.

- He loves it when you wear his clothes, especially his hoodies. He isn’t subtle about it at all either, Suna will straight up throw you the hoodie and be like “wow it’s so cute you’re so cute too imagine you wearing that how cute that’d be lmao” while his ears are blushing red.

- Finds everything you do cute, you could be walking towards him in the corridor and he’d be blushing and smiling to himself. Atsumu and Osamu tease the fuck out of him once you’re gone.

- Will send you random posts that remind him of you, they can go from cute pictures of cats snuggling to a deep fried image of a chicken nugget.

- “Heh, look… it’s you.” He showed you a picture, he was lying down on your lap - his hair messy from deep sleep - with his cheeks squished in your thighs.

- “Babe that’s Patrick star.” You look at the screen in confusion and continue playing with your boyfriend’s hair, slightly concerned for his well being.

- “Same energy though.” He mumbles after saving the post, he’d make it your contact picture later.

- He loves falling asleep on your lap, it’s annoying. You know once he lays his head on your thighs he’s not moving until the next hour or so. Kind of like a cat in that regard because Suna will find the worst time to cuddle you like that and he’d refuse to leave unless you move, which you normally don’t because when you do he looks extremely betrayed much to your dismay.

- He’s so soft for you, you wouldn’t realize it unless you heard him ramble about how cute you are in the dressing room but oh my god is he ready to move the world around for you.

- When he messes around during practice, Aran will threaten to call you and it’s so embarrassing. Rintarou was so sure he wouldn’t, like that’s so petty you’re actually going to call my S/O? And then Aran did it and he had not only Aran and Kita scolding him (and the Miya twins) but you were there too looking so disappointed in him. He rarely gets out of line afterwards, the face you gave him haunts him in his dreams sometimes.

- You’re his home screen! It’s not even a cute picture of you, it’s probably one he took of you while you slept in class - you’re drooling and your uniform is all messed up - and he’s just standing there holding a peace sign up and white-boy-smiling.

- He has you saved under “Suna [Name]” and he got made fun of, he swears it was a joke but when he goes to call you his cheeks get all pretty and pink.

- He doesn’t say much, his love language is more of a “whenever you need me I’ll be there”. If there’s someone who you can count on to listen to your problems and help you it’s probably Rin. He jokes around and all but when it comes to you he’s surprisingly serious.

- He’ll also let you play with his hair. His favorite is when you put butterfly clips on them and make two uneven ponytails on the side of his head, he said he was Shrek and you were his Lord Farquaad (you asked him if you saw the same movie afterwards).

- When he’s really bored, he’ll edit pictures of you into memes and send them to you at 4AM.

- Sometimes when you cuddle, you can hear him mumble about how much he loves you and whenever you bring it up he gets so mad and shy and says he was probably thinking about chicken wings or Dolly Parton.

- He sees you as his best friend and s/o, he really values the input you have but that doesn’t mean he won’t tease the fuck out of you. He’s soft but he will absolutely obliterate you, he loves joking around with you and saying the dumbest shit for fun and seeing you go blank as you hear him talk about fucking Mort from Madagascar being a evil universe colonizer.

- His favorite dates with you would be the ones where you go somewhere very pretty and try taking the ugliest pictures of each other, it always ends up with you two laughing loudly as you show each other what you took.

- Rin can play the piano and he sometimes will serenade you, it can either be a very emotional song or Megalovania.

- Sometimes, Atsumu and Osamu will ruin your dates by bumping into you guys and not leaving either of you alone. It’s embarrassing because they will not stop teasing the two of you for being in love and shit, you always end up blushing when they start talking about how much Rin loves you and how he talks about you during practice.

- Overall, Sunrin is surprisingly a soft, caring boyfriend who’s way too whipped for his well-being and is absolutely getting bullied by the team because of it.

[scoups4lyfe]

Say Gentaro Kisaragi is mindcontrolled and he hurt a lot of people while under mindcontrol... how does he react upon snapping out of mindcontrol?

Lmao I have surprisingly thought about this a lot.

Gentaro is someone super loving and forgiving, even if they, I don’t know — say, muRdeReD him.

(Lmao)

The moment he got alived again, he literally went to find his murderer and said, “wow <333 I know you so much better now.” Which is a whole thing

But I think it’s interesting how very little he thinks about himself. Others are always placed as more important. They hurt him? Insult him? That’s okay because he is going to befriend The SH*T out of them no matter what >:)).

Every single one of the actions Gentaro takes are impulsive to a degree, but always a selfless one. He loves people. He wants to help people. He wants to make them happy. So what would happen if he were the one to cause the pain?

Oh, the agnst would be beautiful my friends.

The amount of care he’s placed on other people (before himself), means that if he were the one to have hurt them, essentially I think it would put him in a state of shock.

He would be horrified.

That trust he has so keenly in himself and his actions would be the first to disappear. He would have the thought “what if I hurt them” constantly twisting inside of him. Building and building.

I absolutely love how wholesome Fourze is as a show, but as a writer —- if Fourze were to ever be remade, I think putting that focus on Gentaro and his altruism and the conflict or pain his actions could cause — mind controlled or not, would be a very interesting theme to explore.

We see similar things being explored right now through Ikki and Momoi. Gentaro would fall somewhere within the middle. (And I think a character exploration as to why he thinks or acts like this would also be something I would hope a re-write would address and it’s fascinating actually. The fact that Gentaro chooses to wear and style himself like a Punk, a Rebel (TM) and yet why?

People can wear whatever aesthetics they want. But there’s always a reason, subconscious or not. A punk aesthetic is one of the aesthetics I would say is chosen as like a shield.

“I am agaisnt this world so this world can’t hurt me.”

But, Gentaro isn’t someone I’d describe as “against the world”, he’s more than for it. So why does he dress and style himself that way, is he modeling himself after a mentor he looked up to? Is it a shield he wears so that even when he’s attacked or hurt he can think ‘I’m fine. I’m okay. This world cannot affect me (negatively).’

His psychology would be something fun to explore. Now, if you say: “Naw, he’s just naturally forgiving and—“

Listen.

All actions a human takes. Every reaction. Is based on something.

No one (take this with a grain of salt, but most of the average population is what I’m taking about.) is “naturally forgiving” and selfless. That’s a learned trait. What’s the first trait you see in toddlers? The idea of possession.

“This is MINE.”

That ALWAYS comes before the action of sharing. (There might be outliers yes, but 99% of the everyday population is like this, so the outliers AREN’T the point.)

So Gentaro’s selflessness has to have come from somewhere.

Anyways, back to the hypothetical question (lol), but I 100% believe him hurting others (not at all of his own volition) is something that would break him.

He’d lose his trust in himself. He’d start to doubt his actions, he’d start to overthink.

“What if this ends up hurting someone? What if I hurt someone again?”

It would terrify him. With his emotional turmoil conflicting how he normally appears with friends, I don’t doubt that he would mask it. He would smile like everything is fine, when he can’t even sleep at night because every time he does he’ll have nightmares from that Day. That time where he hurt people.

Originally when he first snaps out —he can’t think, only react. He sees people hurt, he would go up and try to help them, in shock and not at all thinking yet ‘I caused this’.

But then they shrink back from him in fear, and that makes him pause. Hesitate.

And then the thoughts come, they start processing, and he can’t be here, he can’t be around these people that he’s hurt. So he leaves, he backs away, he isolates himself, and then Everything Hits.

[cocogukkie]

2020 in review: kdramas (the heart fluttering, the disappointing, the saviors of 2020)

it’s december 31st! the new year is quite literally upon us (some of y’all are already in 2021) and my procrastinating self has chosen to upload this today. i’ve always loved these rec lists and I wanted to do one for 2020! this year was a rollercoaster for kdramas with some excellent ones and some not so excellent ones. i watched all of these in 2020 but not all of them were released in 2020.

if you want to use my questions to make your own list please do!! or give your favs in the tags, i’d love to read them. (fair warning, some of these have multiple answers bc i just can’t choose one!!)

drama that made me laugh

When The Camellia Blooms (2019)

i finally got around to watching when the camellia blooms this year and it. was. so. funny. oh my goodness, the comedic timing in so many scenes was pure excellency and im kinda mad at myself that i didn’t watch this last year. this isn’t just a comedy for those who are interested, its a thriller/romance but its also so fucking funny. definitely watch this if you want to laugh (and be touched bc the emotional scenes in this one are beautiful)

drama that made me cry

Sweet Home (2020)

hahah….. um this one is gonna go to sweet home friends. i went into this one with zero expectations and the first couple episodes didn’t really wow me? but i kept watching and holy shit fam. this show really picks up story-wise around ep 4 and makes the viewer love a lot of these initially unlikable characters. all i can say is that the end was devastating for me and i cried quite a bit. (warning, there are a lot of mature themes in this one so make sure you look for trigger warnings or send me an ask and i’ll list them all out for you) 

best OST

Itaewon Class (2020) 

i loved the ost for itaewon class!! the music is just so inspirational and pump up music, its so good. my favorites are ‘you make me back’ by woosung and ‘start’ by gaho.

drama with chemistry royalty (aka the best couple) 

i have three for this one because i just cannot choose one. 

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

we recognize this one as one of the best things to come out of 2020. go moon young and moon kang tae have some of the best chemistry i have ever seen in a drama couple. i waited on the edge of my seat every single week for the next couple of episode just so i could fawn over these two. they work so well together, lift each other up, and so fucking funny together and support one another. while they’re not the chillest couple (lmao) they’re most certainly one with the most personality. they’re so cute and bicker and they just get each other. who could ask for more.

Flower of Evil (2020)

our badass mom and dad 😭😭. this was another peak drama that came out this year and our married partners-in-crime-but-not-really had amazing chemistry. baek hee sung and cha ji won were so cute as a married couple but they were even more precious later on in the drama after certain things unfolded (no spoilers). they both just get each other and protected one another as well as on the most precious kdrama children this year, their daughter eunha. they were so wholesome, flower of evil is so very worth a watch.

Into The Ring (2020)

this was one of the more underappreciated kdramas of the year but hoo buddy was the main couples chemistry top notch. they were so friggin cute and i just couldn’t. goo se ra is highkey one of the best female characters i’ve ever seen, she’s absolute chaos, lawful chaos, but chaos nonetheless. her other half, seo gong myung is opposite from her as lawful neutral. he’s just along for the ride that is se ra and loves her. they’re both so very fond and protective of each other and back each other up!! very very cute and you’ll definitely replay more than a couple of their scenes together.

most disappointing

Record of Youth (2020)

it’s sad but true… i went into this one with so much hope and excitement (i was riding off that ‘psycho but its okay’ high) and i was vastly disappointed. the plot mostly focused on the male lead, and there wasn’t much characterization for the female lead which i didn’t like. honestly, i only cared about maybe 3-4? characters in the whole drama. the rest were absolutely terrible or plain boring and i ended up skipping eps 14 and 15 and just watched the finale. i would not recommend tbh.

drama you can’t really get through

Crash Landing on You (2019)

this one is absolutely on me, i want so badly to love this one. but i just… can’t seem to get past ep 2? i’ve tried!! i swear, but i just cannot get through it. maybe in 2021, i can try again and i’ll enjoy it more.

drama everyone else liked but was meh

Kairos (2020)

i though kairos was a bit predictable tbh. i know those of us who did end up watching it really liked it but maybe its because i watch so many crime/mystery shows that this one didn’t really do it for me. the writing is quite solid and everything connects well, i would recommend that those who don’t really watch thrillers, to watch this one. (also the friendship between the female lead and her two friends is suuuper cute and worth it alone to watch kairos)

favorite romance

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

yeah… this one wins again lol. what can i say, i just loved it so much and the main theme of the show is romance (its also a comedy and a mental health/healing drama) all i can say is watch this if you haven’t yet, its definitely worth it!! 

favorite mystery

Memorist (2020)  & Watcher (2019)

i really enjoyed these two mystery dramas. both were super fun to watch and very kinda unique in their own ways. i liked memorist because it was lowkey funny and i liked the relationships between the characters, but most importantly i couldn’t guess the main antagonist by the end! i really thought i knew who it was and then i was completely wrong lmao. watcher was also very good, the main trio had really good chemistry and i really cared about all the characters. (also i’ll never say no to watching seo kang joon) plus the plot twists threw me a bit at the end which is always a feeling i welcome, i love being surprised and wrong (as long as it makes sense)

favorite slice of life

Hospital Playlist (2020)

oh my goodness, i was late to the hospital playlist party and i regret it because this show is so. so. good. its just a slice of life following 5 friends who are doctors and work at the same hospital together but its so much more than that. this is honestly one of the first shows i’ve seen that are optimistic? in the show, every time i thought a plot was going to play out a certain way (usually negatively, as tends to be life unfortunately) it surprised me by taking the more optimistic wholesome route. characters in subplots changed for the better, became more understanding, chose to do the right thing, etc. if you want a feel good drama where the main characters have wonderful platonic chemistry and just care about each other but is also super funny, watch hospital playlist!! (season 2 is coming out early 2021 and im so pumped)

favorite fantasy

The Untamed (2019)

this one is a cdrama but i watched it in 2020, mostly because of how many people on the internet were adamant that the rest of us watch this and ngl they were v right. the untamed was very very good and im really glad i gave it a chance and watched it, its also my first cdrama ever. the chemistry between the male leads is honestly what makes this show and its worth the 50? i think? episodes. to be completely honest the fanfiction for the show are peak and if you do watch this, go straight to ao3 and you will not be disappointed.

dramas that saved 2020

The Uncanny Counter (2020) & Run On (2020)

these two dramas are among those that started airing at the end of the year and will go into the beginning of 2021 and absolutely saved the end of 2020 for me. while neither of these are finished, both have been excellent so far and worth starting. uncanny counter has the best use of the found family trope i have ever seen. i fucking love the four counters and their relationship with each other, how protective they are of one another. they all have amazing chemistry and the actors have amazing chemistry in the making films.

run on has one of the cutest couples that will definitely make my best chemistry list for next year. i didn’t put them on this list bc they actually haven’t gotten together yet but once they do, they’re gonna be freaking adorable, i can already tell. there’s no specific grand events propelling the plot forward, but just following the lives of these unique, interesting and relatable people who have casual yet entertaining conversations with each other. the show is super soft and the main couple are so straightforward and honest (plus theres mutual pining!!)

best dramas of the year

here are my best dramas (and one movie) watched this year, no further explanation given lolol. just watch them and enjoy because these are fucking excellent in the feels department. trust me 💞

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

Flower of Evil (2020)

Itaewon Class (2020)

Hospital Playlist (2020)

One Spring Night (2019)

Midnight Runners (2017)

Hot Stove League (2019) 

I hope this gives you some fun stuff to watch!! or convince you to start that drama in your watchlists!