#oh well. here ya go
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
kryptickrow · 7 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
guys i figured out why her bow looked weird, i forgot to give her joy and whimsy!
(the original bigass bow image for reference)
78 notes · View notes
dirtgrubber · 5 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
“They’re… what are they doing? Is that Alastor, holding flowers?”
another banger of a chapter from “Of Saints and Sinners” by the amazing @morningstarwrites
2K notes · View notes
whereianonymouslypostfics · 4 months ago
Text
Boundaries
Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader
Word count: ~2.6k
Summary: Y/n stands up for her wife, and gets in trouble for it
A/N: We'd all do this, right?
Warnings: angst, slurs, violence, fluff
You hadn’t meant for everything to get so out of hand. Honestly, you usually did a much better job of controlling your anger, but it had been a rough week for you, and this asshole had really hit a nerve. 
You’d been stuck at the compound all week because the clinic was closed for repairs. The power had gone out suddenly during a surgery last week, and this exposed all kinds of electrical issues that needed to be fixed. Given that this process involved having an entire team of people present and the power to be turned off while they worked, you were getting a paid vacation. This usually wasn’t something to sniff at, but the fact that your wife was so busy this week and barely had anytime to see you made it seem like more of a curse than a gift. 
You’d spent a lot of time in your rooms because you didn’t really feel like navigating the crowds of people downstairs. They all worked for your wife, some in a roundabout way, but that meant that they were involved in some sort of crime that you didn’t want to think about. You didn’t believe that they cared enough about your presence, or hell even knew who you were, so you’d allowed yourself a daily trip downstairs to frequent your favorite restaurant at lunch. 
It's not until you make a rather impulsive decision that you realize maybe it would be better if people knew who you were. 
Downstairs it's hectic as always during lunchtime, even when you go near the tail end, so you’re waiting patiently for your friend Larry to have time to help you. You’re probably fourth in line, if the group that’s loud and obnoxious is all together, and you try to block them out by scrolling mindlessly on your phone. 
“So what assignment did we get stuck with this time?”
“Damn, Hawk, didn’t you pay any attention during the briefing?”
A long silence is the only answer his friend, and you unfortunately, need to know that he most certainly did not. You don’t really care to hear what they’re about to say given how extensive your wife’s reach is in this city. They could be talking about something as mundane as patrol or as horrifying as murder.
You wish you’d brought your headphones, but they’re still charging and nothing quite kills the mood like having ‘battery low’ chirp during your favorite songs. 
You watch with an impatient scowl as the brunette in front of you finally just shrugs before offering his friend a smile that makes your skin crawl. 
“Barely, I was still thinking about my run-in with the boss.” 
This makes you frown but you only get a moment to consider who he’s talking about before another member of their group, a blonde with a bad haircut speaks up with a disbelieving scoff.
“Oh, come on, you didn’t run into her. You just stared at her like a creep when she walked by.” 
“Yeah dude, come on, when are you going to let that go?”
You’ve abandoned even the pretense of scrolling through your feed when your suspicions are confirmed a few seconds later. You really wish this creep would just order his food and get out of your sight, but that was obviously unreasonable of you. 
“It’s hard, man. Come on, don’t tell me you don’t find Maximoff smokin’ hot.”
You’d gag if it wouldn’t draw their attention, but seriously. Ick. You tell yourself that he’s just some hormonal dude who doesn’t have a chance in hell with Wanda. Believing this is made easier by you going to your texts and opening the last conversation you had with your wife which was annoyingly two days ago.
You’re smiling as you read her response to your latest request for a dog, and you follow dutifully, almost absentmindedly as the line begins to move. 
“Well, no shit, but she’s married, and a lesbian right?” 
You have to bite your tongue to stop yourself from laughing or flat out saying ‘no shit’ in response. You really should have brought your headphones.
Wanda was dangerously close to running as she left her last meeting to head back to her rooms. She was hoping that the fifteen-minute break she had would be enough to check on you because honestly, she was so sick of not seeing you until she finally managed to call it a night well past your usual bedtime. Usually it wouldn’t be so bad, just annoying, but you weren’t working this week because of a problem at the clinic, and she wanted to spend time with you. Of course, her busiest week of the year just so happened to fall during your impromptu vacation, so it had honestly been days since she’d talked to you before the late hours of the night.
She was trying to fix this now, but as she wandered into their private rooms, she realizes you aren’t here. The television is off and the bed’s made, but there’s no note saying where you went. She’s not sure why she expected one since she doubted you would think she’d have time to stop by. Wanda sighs and checks her watch before she decides to try and push it and check downstairs for you. She’s well aware of your near obsession with one of the restaurants on the first floor, so she figures if you’re anywhere, it’s there. 
You were hoping that this brunette, Hawk you think it was, would have a reasonable response to being told that his crush or whatever is married. For once, your normal underestimation of most men, wasn’t unfair. 
You’re forcing yourself to look at dog pictures when you hear an exaggerated sigh that can’t mean anything good. 
“Yeah, yeah. I’m sure I could bring her around…”
You’re mid-eyeroll when he says something that makes your blood boil.
“One way or another.” 
“You’re fucking disgusting.” 
You are made aware of the fact that you hadn’t said this in your head when the four men turn to stare you down. You resist the urge to flinch and instead you glare at the brunette who’s crossed too many lines for you to forgive at this point.
You all miss when it’s their turn to order because you’re all too busy glaring at each other. Hawk turns to face you fully and sneers before he takes a step toward you.
“What did you just say to me?” 
You can feel your frustration growing and it’s certainly surpassed any sense of self-preservation you have at this point. You close the distance so you’re practically standing toe to toe before you repeat what you said, but a little bit louder in case he truly hadn’t heard you. Which you sincerely doubt.
“I said, you’re fucking disgusting.” 
You ignore all of his friends muttering under their breath and keep your focus on the now glaring brunette. You wonder how stupid you’re being going against someone like him who you’re unlikely to talk sense into. Not to mention its potentially four to one. Maybe two if Larry steps in which you hope he doesn’t. 
“How about you mind your own fucking business?” 
You smile and it surprisingly doesn’t fade when he shoves you hard enough to make you take a step back. You don’t notice Larry’s caught on to what’s happening, and you laugh in Hawk’s face before stepping forward like he hadn’t even pushed you. 
“Believe it or not, dumbass. This is my business.” 
You see confusion briefly before it turns into an annoying smugness that makes you want to punch him. You honestly should have left this alone, but you’re in it now, so you either have to back off and run away with your metaphorical tail tucked between your legs or…
“What? Are you telling me you’re a dyke too?”
Your smile fades at the slur which unfortunately makes him smile, but you recover quickly before shooting him a saccharine smile.
“For sure, and as a dyke I can tell you that she would never go for a disgusting piece of shit like you.” 
You’re ready for him this time, so when he reaches out to grab you, you sidestep him before punching him in the face. You wince slightly because damn that hurt, but you immediately curse yourself for turning your back on his friends. 
Two sets of hands grab you and you faintly hear someone shouting in protest as you face Hawk and his already reddening face. You don’t have time to feel smug about it as you try and fail to shake off the duo behind you. 
“You’re going to regret that you little bitch.” 
He grabs you from his friends and raises his fist to punch you, and you’re about to kick him in the balls when you hear a familiar voice. 
Wanda had made good time and when she arrives downstairs to see the crowds of people she realizes that she won’t have much time to catch up with you at all. She walks towards the food court and the restaurant that you’d eat at for every meal if you could. She stops in her tracks when she notices what looks like an argument playing out between some people waiting in line. 
She sees the man behind the counter, someone you’d befriended quickly, scowling and shouting at a group of men who are surrounding…
“Hey! Let her go!”
Wanda hurries to close the distance between them and she watches as all of the men except the one with his back to her flinch and immediately step away from you. The brunette who’s still holding onto you and only seconds away from hitting you, turns to practically snarl at her.
“She fucking started it, the--!”
He trails off as he finally notices who’d interrupted them, and he drops you immediately as his eyes widen in horror. Wanda just glares at him as she looks between you and the group of men you’d somehow gotten into an argument with. She considers just letting it go and getting you out of there, but her curiosity gets the best of her.
“Oh, and what exactly did she start?” 
You wait with bated breath to see what Hawk says about what happened. You truly don’t believe he’s dumb enough to admit that he’d been saying such disgusting things about his boss, to her face. That said, fear makes you do dumb things apparently. 
“She was butting into our conversation about you—”
He trails off as his eyes widen even further and his friends hiss under their breaths as they continue to take small steps back. One of them even turns around and tries to order something, but Larry just shoots him an incredulous look.
Wanda frowns in confusion and she tilts her head as she regards the sweaty brunette in front of her.
“Me? Why on Earth were you talking about me?” 
You can’t help yourself and you grumble something that’s only meant for your wife, but of course they all hear it. 
“Drooling over you, more like it.”
You watch in awe as Wanda seems to realize what she’d walked into and makes a decision on how to deal with it in a split second. She glowers at Hawk who’s the only one of his group that’s within reach, not that she even needs to grab him to keep him still. He’s petrified and as still as a statue as Wanda takes a step toward him. 
“What’s your name?” 
Wanda could look for his ID badge, but that’s not nearly as satisfying as having him say it. She only has to wait for a split second before the brunette is mumbling his name just loud enough for you and Wanda to hear. You see your wife consider dragging this out, but like you, she just wants to get out of here. 
“Alright, Hawkins, here’s the deal. I’ll be keeping an eye on you. If you step out of line again, you’re gone, understood?” 
The brunette’s fear is dimmed a bit by his anger and confusion at being chastised for participating in an argument that he didn’t even start. He doesn’t get why you’re not getting into trouble, but Wanda’s happy to fill him in and render him speechless in the process. 
“Also, I’ll be reporting this incident to your superior. She’ll decide your punishment for manhandling my wife.” 
Wanda doesn’t wait for a response, she doesn’t need one, before she reaches out for your hand. 
“Come on, detka.” 
You grab her hand and don’t look back as you leave the stunned group in the dust. The only one who’s not surprised is Larry, but he’s already sending the men away without food. That at least makes you feel better about not getting any either. 
“Not exactly how I wanted to see you in the daylight for the first time in days.” 
Wanda is still practically dragging you toward the elevators, so you can’t tell if she’s upset with you. You don’t have to wonder too long though as she offers you a rueful smile before she presses the button and leans against the wall with a sigh. 
“Definitely not, but I’m glad I showed up when I did.” 
It’s your turn to smile and your face heats up in embarrassment as you follow Wanda into the elevator. 
“Yeah, thanks. That got a little out of hand.” 
Wanda just hums in acknowledgment as she scans her badge and presses the button for your private floor. She figures she can be a little late to her next meeting given the circumstances. She waits until the doors are shut before turning to you with a frown.
“What did he say, Y/n?” 
You frown too and just shake your head before deciding that its not even worth repeating. You tell your wife that he’d just said something gross about convincing her to sleep with him. Wanda’s still frowning when you arrive to your floor without food, but she’s quick to follow you out and into your rooms.
“I’m surprised you said anything.” 
You can’t blame her for saying this because honestly you’re still surprised too. It wasn’t even something new and different that Hawkins had been saying. You’d heard it before, but for some reason today you just couldn’t put up with it. Maybe you were just fed up with male arrogance and his claims about turning your wife’s head made you want to punch him. 
You eventually just sigh before you collapse onto the couch and shake your head in defeat. 
“Me too, Wands, but come on. He called you smokin’, how cringe is that?” 
Wanda surprises you by laughing and it actually makes you smile before you remember you’re supposed to be pouting. You wait until Wanda sits down beside you and reaches out for you wordlessly. You don’t hesitate to move closer to her and let her wrap her arms around you. You sigh in relief, happy to be in your wife’s presence, even if the circumstances that led you here weren’t pleasant. 
“What? You don’t think I’m smoking hot?” 
You laugh out loud at this and turn so you can face your wife before leaning in to kiss her. You pull away too soon for either of your liking, but you know she likely has things to do, and you don’t want to get too distracted.
“You’re gorgeous, but that’s only one of the many things I love about you. He was just focused on your looks which despite being what they are is…ugh.” 
Wanda smiles at you and she kisses your forehead before quickly glancing at the clock in the kitchen. She needs to go, and she hates herself for it. 
“I love you too, detka. I love you for coming to my defense, but maybe next time make sure your odds are a bit better?”
You roll your eyes but still smile as you lay your head against your wife’s shoulder. You don’t care if you only get a few minutes. You’re going to enjoy the time you have with her for as long as possible. 
“Will do, Wands.”
Masterlist
351 notes · View notes
jadewritesficshere · 8 months ago
Text
Thinking about Eddie Munson who was complaining to the rest of the band about his shoulders and neck hurting post show. One of them convinces him to go for a massage.
Eddie shows up day of and is told to strip to level of comfort and get under the sheets laying on his back, his masseuse will knock before coming in. Eddie has not an ounce of care or shame, strips completely naked. Scars and tattoos on full display. He climbs between the sheets and waits. After knocking and hearing a "come in", his masseuse enters and-
The most handsome man he's ever seen walks in. A bit of stubble on his defined jaw, soft pale lips Eddie wants to kiss, big brown eyes Eddie wants to get lost in, slutty little waist and an ass Eddie could-
He introduces himself as Steve. Verifies where Eddie had said his tension was on the form he hastily filled out. Then it starts.
And maybe, maybe, Eddie is a bit touch starved. He could have anyone he wants, but they don't want him just his fame. Pushes them all away. Only gets close to his band, but they all are busy and have their own people outside of work.
And Steve is just touching him. Rubbing smooth circles into his temple, down his cheekbones towards his jaw. Pressing on parts of Eddie's face he didn't even realize were tense. It's relaxing.
And Eddie regrets not leaving at least his boxers on to help hide that he's becoming hard. Kind of embarrassing, which makes his dick harder- which, that's a lot to unpack right now-
"Hey, relax man," Steve says, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. Eddie can see Steve's eyes dart towards the obvious situation," It's natural. Happens to the best of us." "Does it happen to you?" Eddie blurts out. Eddie wants to shove his face in one of these soft plush pillows and scream, but Steve just snorts a laugh and shakes his head at him. Doesn't even respond as he continues the massage.
Eddie tries to hold back his groans as Steve turns his head to the side and rubs his neck into his shoulders. He can feel the tension leave his body slowly. Feel the knots in his muscles release.
Eddie can't, however, hold back the noise he makes when Steve grabs a hold of his hair and tugs it. Eddie's eyes pop open and he stares into Steve's face, who has started blushing. Steve just clears his throat and let's Eddie's hair go before continuing the massage.
431 notes · View notes
ofmdee · 4 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
😔
148 notes · View notes
itsahotminuteinbetween · 7 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
[There's just a twinkle in your eye That seems to say I might , if I Were only bold enough to try An arm about your waist. I hear, too, as you come and go, That pretty nervous laugh, you know; And then your cap is always so Coquettishly displaced.]
-excerpt from 'Ne Sit Ancillae Tibi Amor Pudori' by Robert Louis Stevenson
a little solruin doodle comic for the @ask-the-roommate-au boys by @sunny-inajar that's been sitting in my brain for a little while-I was reading through some poetry and this seemed to fit their docket, so I went ahead and drew them.
167 notes · View notes
jojosaur · 4 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Day - 8
60 notes · View notes
twilightprince101 · 9 months ago
Text
So! The ost for Indigo Park chapter 1 released on youtube. and they come with official titles for all the songs
Tumblr media
Do with this what you will Rambley Fans
60 notes · View notes
osaemu · 11 months ago
Text
so uh funny story guys. i lost interest in anime men
71 notes · View notes
ratatatastic · 3 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
pregame welcome package of mustamakkara!!! thats what i call spoiling the boys!!!
2024 nhl global series finland game 1 | 11.1.24 (x)(x)
21 notes · View notes
girlfox · 4 months ago
Text
peeks my head in ,
23 notes · View notes
veinsfullofstars · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media
Magolor Epilogue where everything’s the same except this happens.
(ID: Kirby series fanart comic of Magolor - in his new gray purgatory garb - stranded in the green-tinted depths of Another Dimension, ranting about his defeat and thinking this is as bad as it gets, only for a familiar-looking star-shaped portal to open behind him and shoot a certain cosmic jester directly at him. Transcript under the cut. END ID.)
Started some time in summer 2023, finished 10/15/23, updated for color correction 11/02/24. NOTE: This was originally posted on my deleted account on 10/15/23.
Handy-dandy transcript for ya:
Panel 1
Magolor: *exasperated* Great! Just great! Lost my Crown, lost my powers… How could my life possibly get any worse?!
Panel 2
*a crack forms in space behind Magolor, causing him to turn his head to look* vwp
Panel 3
*portal opens, shooting Marx out as high speeds, directly into Magolor’s back, in a very blurred and amusing smear frame* THUD
Panel 4
*Magolor prone on the ground on his face, Marx sprawled on top of him, both dazed and bruised as stars spin over their heads*
Marx: *disoriented, one eye swollen shut, one filled with a dizzy swirl, gesturing weakly with one wing claw* Hey hey… Did, uh, you lose to Kirby, too? (Ow… my bones…)
146 notes · View notes
bnesszai · 9 months ago
Note
pineapple + atsushi & any other character you'd like? <3
"Happy birthday or whatever."
Atsushi looks down at the table. There's a cake he doesn't recognize there. Whipped cream, cherries, and rings of yellow.
"What is this?"
"Huh?" Lucy says. "It's a birthday cake."
Akutagawa rolls his eyes. "I think he realizes that much."
"No one asked you!"
The candles on the cake are crooked, burning and dripping wax onto the cake. But Atsushi is perplexed. "This," he says, pointing.
Lucy blinks. "That's pineapple."
"Pineapple?"
"Have you never had--" Lucy cuts herself off and something akin to understanding flashes in her eyes. "It's a fruit. I think you'll like it."
Atsushi pokes at a ring of pineapple, uncertain.
"Make a wish and blow out the candles," Akutagawa says. "Before the cake catches fire."
"It wouldn't do that," Atsushi mutters, but closes his eyes anyway. A wish. Atsushi used to have many wishes: to escape the orphanage, to see revenge painted across the headmasters flesh, to have a life he could call his own, a freedom he could hold in his hands, a purpose to push him forward.
Now, Atsushi is surrounded by purpose, by people who actually care for him. Atsushi finds it hard to think of things he wishes for anymore. Everything he has is beyond his wildest dreams.
"Stop thinking so hard," Akutagawa says.
"Wish for Akutagawa to shut up already."
"Watch it."
Atsushi grins, makes his wish, and blows the candles out. They eat the cake together, huddled around the small table, bickering and laughing. The pineapple is sweet and tingly as his tongue. Akutagawa and Lucy look at him with a sort of reverence, a sort of sweetness of their own.
I wish to continue living with them.
39 notes · View notes
enterstellars · 3 days ago
Text
guys i cannot wait to move
#it’s my new goal and like usually those switch but my psychiatrist said it best the other day: I’ve outgrown this town#and honestly? it makes sense because I’ve been doing a lot of growing over the past year or so#and with all the work trauma why would i want to stay here?#but here’s the real kicker is that it will take time to get where i want to go#so like. whatever ya know? but also. mhmm. i cannot wait to get there#it’s kind of wild cause I thought I’d always be in this town and maybe this is just a spur of the moment impulsive thought#but like. it genuinely makes me so happy thinking about moving#there’s nothing for me in this town anymore especially since the job i wanted fucking fired me and the guy i like definitely friend zoned me#so like. idk! im just…its time to move on. literally there’s one thing I’d miss from here and it’s my friend just cause yeah okay#we won’t get together but i still like him as a friend and care deeply about him#but like yeah idk. i just. there’s nothing for me here now so fucking a i might as well!#but moving where i want is gonna take some money so i gotta stay here and save up#anyway. sorry. it’s galentines weekend and like it is really chill and stuff but my friends who I haven’t seen in a while#were all catching up and then they got to me and were like oh and what about you? and I was like y’all just talked about how you wanna move#closer to each other but uhhhhhhh I am not doing that lol#anyway. just thinking thoughts. can’t wait to move. gotta just be patient now#i'm rambling again aren't i
8 notes · View notes
silverselfshippingchaos · 5 days ago
Text
the fact that j.oongi doesn't show up until the second to last chapter of y.akuza 8.............. how else am I gonna be motivated to play? /j
#ash rambles 💚#actually.. s.ugiura shows up in that game-#but seriously ajdhwjej#i love how the director legit said 'yeah i wasnt gonna put j.oongi in the game but he has so many fans so may as well stick him in lol'#I'm glad since him and ash can finally reunite and FINALLY FUCKING DATE#it took them 3 years to say something..#y'all are pushing 40 and can't even confess??? oh come on man#on that note. i always forget that j.oongi is around that age- i kinda lump him in with my y.akuza f/os that are mid-20s#but nope#he's got a decade on them#he's born in the 80s shockingly enough#anyways#speaking of y.akuza 8... there's another character i have my eyes on. i wont say much since I've still gotta beat 7 but#the sapphic yearning... i love girls so much... she's so gorgeous.. wonder if she likes girls too..#unrelated but thank you to y.8 for making it canon that S.eonhee likes girls. we knew anyway but thank you so much anyway 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽#this post is all over the place... there's been a lot going on as of late irl qjdhajdhs but I'm doing my best and hanging in there#this other crush i have is taking over my brain though. havent been into the series for 3-4 years so it's pretty nuts to randomly go#'WAIT ISNT THAT ONE GUY FROM THAT OLD ASS MOVIE SERIES KINDA...'#i wont post about him too much here because i'm honestly embarrassed about it but maybe a few gifs wont hurt#oh fucking hell why does his theme always come on when I'm thinking about him- it's really good and always on my on repeat but ugh#anyways back to j.oongi#I'm so excited to see him in 8 <3 even if i have to wait a whole game to do it. ALSO HE HAS A COWBOY OUTFIT IN THAT GAME.... HIIIII-#I'm so glad they took him out of his trash bag jacket fit#like a flowing wind 🔳#chain breaker ⛓️#<- gonna have that be the tag for the other guy from that movie series#but yeah.. i do need to get to 8 to see whats the deal with that pretty girl.. theres this scene at a casino#where she wears a low cut backless dress and i just. fuck. fuuuccck. you single?? you like girls??? i don't even know her but WOW.#anyways i love j.oongi so much#i should get ready for class now.. think I'm almost at tag limit anyway... see ya!
8 notes · View notes
themsource · 7 months ago
Text
Life Update 7/13/2024
I'm alive.
There's a lot that's gone on and is going on but I'm here. There's of course a lot going on in my life and has been going on that has once again kept me away. I will not divulge or explain, because I don't wish to. It was a lot, still is a lot, and is extremely personal.
I'm not leaving the undertale fandom as a creative, however, I will be leaving the fandom as a social participant. There's too much corruption and bitterness, too much drama and judgement in the social side of the fandom that I choose not to tolerate anymore.
There are too many people that would rather lie about who they are and what they believe as well as abuse or cut off people that have done them no harm in order to be liked and to gain approval. Acting as if life is one long extended episode of black mirror where your social ranking matters more than empathy to a fellow human, where the echo chamber is god and what's logically right and wrong doesn't matter in the face of personal opinion and paranoia.
I'm too old, and too tired.
Fandom is supposed to be fun, not a nightmare of walking on broken glass and eggshells. I have my small handful of friends that have proven that they are genuine people that legitimately don't care about the nonsense that goes around and imaginary pitchforks that can make them more popular or gain them more friends if they were to follow abusive hate trends and ignorant accusation posts lacking concrete evidence. I feel safe with them and will keep to them, always.
I no longer have time to deal with the "misunderstandings" or "confusion" that happens so often in large groups playing telephone or with those that try to fit words to their own narrative and understanding without attempting to think outside their own preverbal box of preconceived notions and bias, and don't care to do so.
I will no longer attempt to clear up anything or try to be understood by those that honestly don't know me and don't wish to, and who clearly only seek a thrill in causing pain and taking their own projected hurts and frustrations out on someone.
There will be no conversations. Every single online stranger reading this now is free to think what they want about me, even the untruths if they're so inclined.
I'm done trying.
The internet is where the hateful and cruel strive behind an anonymous mask—one often disguised in kindness and supposed acceptance—and of which is the whole of their life and meaning. But it is not mine.
Them, and the internet at large, is not worth my time, health, or life.
When I joined this fandom after my mother's death a few years ago I signed up for an experience that could bring a smile to my face while I gave one in turn to others while I dealt with my grief. Not to be shoved into situations where uneducated youths and adults in their 30s-40 with the maturity of previously said youths go rampart with the need to harm others, either to get ahead or for their own benefit in manipulation to get something out of others.
I have steadily been pulling away more and more over the years because of this. Struggling with the overflow of depression and stress that it has caused me, in turn making me push away and withdraw from people who didn't deserve it in many instances because my own value and self-worth tanked due to the self-deprecating thoughts it caused me.
I am not a saint.
I've done my fair share of wrongs, some of which I will never personally feel I have accounted for properly. I stood silent out of fear of being attacked when I should have said something to help someone wrongly accused by supposed friends and mutuals, I hid in the shadows and didn't think to lend a hand to people I saw were clearly in need because I didn't feel worthy of doing so, and probably many other things that I am unfortunately not aware of because they were never brought to my attention.
Because most people online don't believe in actual conversation but rather in blocking and spreading misinformed assumptions, and in dreaded call out posts so as to earn brownie points for "exposing" (or the nicer form of saying it, but is still just as cruel because the posters know that it WILL lead to harassment regardless of evidence or truth no matter if spread in public or private, but wish to play ignorant anyways — "spreading awareness") of someone. Granted these wrongs were for the most part carried out in my early fandom days that doesn't excuse the fact that they happened.
I still did the exact same thing that was done to me. I unknowingly perpetuated a never ending cycle of hurt, both out of fear and ignorance and out of a naïve want to be loved and accepted.
But I refuse to let myself be a victim or to think of myself as one out of guilt for those wrongs and loneliness anymore, and I refuse to witness others be abused and forced to feel the same way I did over the most menial and redundant bullshit that goes around and is somehow supposed to define your character to the dumbed digital masses.
I'm done.
Plain and simple.
I will be permanently turning off asks and no longer responding to any form of DM unless it is from someone I have initiated a conversation with, have engaged with before, or shares a mutual friend with me that can assure me that they're a decent person, and that I feel comfortable with. I will still on occasion post about updates or share something for the few that may want to keep following, but my personal accounts will largely be silent.
Just because I'm silent won't mean that I'm gone though.
It just means I'm not willing to be poisoned any longer, and am content at looking in from afar, if even that.
There's a lot of good people in this space, I know that, and it saddens me the possibilities I will miss out on in getting to meet or know any of them beyond the ones I know already, but I only get one life to live before I go six feet under, and I choose to put me first.
16 notes · View notes