#oh to share blood with him and kiss him and hold him gently

[strwbrymlkshake]

he's the sweetest boy ever....<3<3<3 i think about him every day, every second. he's in my heart and my soul and my dreams and one day he will be in my bloodstream too <3

[paulyenvol6]

Yours To Keep

This is just full of fluff and cuteness and Pedro and reader being all over each other which I hope you enjoy!!

Pedro takes you with him for the 50th anniversary of SNL and shows off your engagement to the entire world.

Contains: smut, oral (f receiving), p in v, unprotected sex, soft and very slight dom Pedro, aftercare, tooth-rotting and domestic fluff, Pedro being the sweetest human on earth, established relationship, mentions of marriage and engagement

Masterlist

Wordcount: ~8.60k

"You look nice."

You smiled and chuckled squeezing Pedro's hand twice before kissing his cheek.

"Thank you. So do you."

You slightly crouched against his shoulder burying your face in his jacket that smelled a little different but you were still able to make out his familiar scent.

"Are you nervous, honey?" he instantly asked sensing how you absolutely couldn't sit still in the car seat and wrapped his arm around you.

"A little…," you said but it sounded like a question. "Don't be."

"That's easy to say," you pouted poking him in the side.

"It's just a concert and we're guests. Nothing's gonna happen, we'll just be in the audience and have a good time."

His words gave you comfort but when your gaze dropped to your hand the nervous fluttering in your stomach returned.

"But… I mean they will notice this, right?"

Pedro grabbed your hand determinedly and pressed kisses to one finger after the other starting at your little finger and giving a special amount of attention to your ring finger that wore a breathtakingly beautiful silver ring that was both glamourus and elegant. Your engagement ring.

"They might. But there's no need to worry about it. I love you and I'm ready to share it with the world. What could possibly go wrong, mhm?"

You had turned away from him but Pedro gently took hold of the side of your face capturing your attention.

"I don't know. I really don't, I guess it's just general anxiety."

He smiled softly pulling you closer to him to kiss your forehead.

"Oh baby," he whispered so quietly that no one in the car except you could possibly hear these words. "You know I got you, right? I won't leave your side for a second. Except maybe when you go to the bathroom but if you want to I'll wait right by the door and I'm not even kidding, okay?"

You couldn't help but scoff and in a matter of seconds you gave him a genuine smile. That was the thing about Pedro Pascal. He never failed to make you laugh and brighten your mood. He was your safe space, your comfort person and when his thumb brushed over the back of your slightly shaking hand you actually believed him. He was all that mattered after all. And now the two of you were engaged and why shouldn't the world know it as well?

"I love you," you whispered and then leaned in for a kiss on his mouth.

"I love you too, y/n. And I promise you we'll have a good time tonight. If you're not gonna enjoy the concert I'll make your night good afterwards."

His crooked smirk indicated what he was alluding to and you felt the blood rushing in your cheeks.

"Pedro…," you whispered fearing that the driver might have heard him but as if he didn't have a care in the world he kissed you right next to your ear which made you giggle and feel like a teenager on her first date of her life.

"I'll make it up to you if you have a really bad time. But… actually I think I'm also gonna make it up to you if you have a semi good time. And maybe, just maybe also if you're gonna have a good time."

His hand was definitely resting too high on your thigh now and you shifted in your seat.

"Pedro. I don't think this is helping right now," you complained with a smile that gave your true feelings away.

Before he could answer you the car stopped and suddenly your heart pounded loudly in your chest again although Pedro had just been able to calm you. He immediately noticed the way you tensed and tightly gripped your hand.

"It's fine. It's gonna be fine, baby. It's just you and me and a bunch of other people."

You bit your lip raising your hand like you were going to punch him but then ran it over his arm instead.

"Shut up. Oh and by the way, I swear to god if you're gonna get drunk tonight and embarrass us both AND basically leave me alone I'm gonna be so angry."

You started to climb out of the car and heard him following close behind.

"Don't worry, honey. You know what they say about alcohol and erectile dysfunction…"

Now you couldn't help but smirk back at him while you adjusted your dress and he straightened up next to you.

"Have I told you already how pretty you look?" he asked while placing his arm around your waist.

"Yes. But it's nice to hear it again."

~~~~~~~~~~

Everything happened very fast.

You were confronted with what seemed like a thousand cameras taking pictures of Pedro and you all at once and now it was obvious that the little secret the two of you had been carrying around for the last two months was out. Someone would surely notice the identical rings on both his and your left hand and one didn't have to be a genius to connect the dots. But who cared? Pedro was right, the love between the two of you was the most important thing and you wouldn't hide it anymore.

Once at the door, it was a matter of seconds before you were waved in, then you handed over your jackets at the cloakroom and were then led into the avenue by a woman in a black dress.

"There is food and drinks outside if you leave the hall through the main door. I will lead you to your seats now and then you'll have about… 30 more minutes until the show starts."

Pedro nodded friendly and squeezed your hand every now and then until you arrived at your seats in the second row.

"Wow, these are really good seats," it broke out of you and the woman gave you a wide smile.

"I should hope so. Now, I'm in a real hurry but I wish the two of you a lovely night and… congratulations."

She winked mischievously and at first you were too stunned to speak let alone thank her and only when she was already gone you stared at Pedro.

"Did you hear that?"

He nodded and opened the buttons of his jacket. "Very good eyes."

Then the two of you sat down admiring and examining the concert hall while also taking a look at the celebrities that were already there. Of course you spotted a lot of familiar faces like Paul Rudd and Anya Taylor-Joy so the next minutes were filled with chatter and laughter and you had to admit that you were having a very good time.

You especially enjoyed going crazy about Meryl Streep who had been an inspiration to you for so long. And your boyfriend, no, your fiancée would be doing a skit with her on Sunday. You really couldn't have been more proud of Pedro and didn't move an inch away from him the whole time no matter how clingly or ridiculous the two of you might look.

Pedro didn't seem to mind at all which didn't surprise you as he was the touchiest person you had ever met. His love language was physical touch and he didn't waste an opportunity to rest his head on your shoulder or toy with your fingers, especially when he got excited or nervous.

When the concert was about to start the people began to find their seats and Pedro and you finally sat down again as well.

"How are you, baby?" he asked stroking your back with his left hand.

"I'm very good, Pedro. But I want you to have a good time now without worrying about me. I'm good, really. And I'm even better when you're enjoying yourself so please do that now."

He lifted the corner of his mouth leaning with his forehead against your arm for a brief moment before adjusting in his seat. "I will."

And as it turned out, he did exactly that. The show was opened by Jimmy Fallon and while your personal highlight was Arcade Fire's performance of 'Heroes' Pedro absolutely lost it during Robyn's and David Byrne's rendition of 'Dancing on my own'.

You could only giggle and feel the butterflies in your tummy going insane while watching him record the performance with so much devotion that he almost seemed to tear up. How could you possibly love this man next to you more?

Towards the end of the show the two of you stopped sitting down and instead gave yourself to the music moving and dancing as if you were the only two people in this room. Your heart skipped a beat when Pedro held your hand during 'This Must Be The Place' toying with your engagement ring all while giving you these chocolate brown eyes of his that never failed to take you out.

If happiness could be defined by a moment it would definitely be this one, you thought and when the concert was over you still felt like you were on a cloud.

Your head was buzzing and Pedro didn't exactly do anything to help you leave your high.

"THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME," he screamed in your ear shaking your body by your arms.

"I KNOW," you answered equally excited and almost crushed under his weight when he threw himself in your arms. The two of you giggled and raved about the musical acts like teenage girls while leaving the building which turned out to take quite a long time as you were stopped by familiar faces every few seconds.

When you finally stepped out into the cold it was long past midnight and you greedily inhaled the fresh air feeling overwhelmed with the sudden silence. Well, it was still New York City and even at this time the air was filled with the sound of cars and chatter but your dizzy head seemed to finally get a moment of peace.

Pedro seemingly was swimming in his own thoughts as well, a dreamy wide smile on his face but his grip around your waist was firm. When the two of you entered the car, leaving the lights of the cameras of the papparazzi behind he clenched your hand.

"I fucking saw Robyn, y/n. And Nirvana. And Arcade Fire. What the fuck?"

You put your seatbelt on slowly feeling how your soul fully returned to your body and nestled up against Pedro's side.

"It was so amazing. I think I'm in love with St Vincent."

"That's okay but only because I think I'm in love with her too."

He held you the whole car ride back to your hotel. You exchanged a few words and expressions of excitement but the both of you seemed to be busy processing the concert at the same time. So a huge amount of the time you stared ahead of you replaying this incredibly evening and somehow trying to comprehend that it had actually happened.

Only when you arrived at the hotel did Pedro's attention shift again because while you walked through the lobby his hand on your hip traveled a little lower and you blushed nervously looking up to him.

"I tend to keep my promises, babygirl," he whispered against your hair and you cursed yourself for not even caring about the fact that someone could see you or even worse, take a picture of the two of you snuggled up like this. Instead your throbbing heat seemed to take control over your mind and your glossy eyes searched for his.

"I need you, baby," you said clenching his white shirt tightly to show him just how much.

"I know. And I'm gonna give you what you need. Trust me."

It wouldn't have been necessary for him to say this because obviously you knew what he was capable of making you feel. And yet his thoughts enhanced your desire for him even more and the last 20 meters to your hotel room felt like an eternity.

Once he had pulled you inside the room with him he quickly locked the door and then started to devour you like a wild animal. His lips were on yours, his hands all over your body and he was quick to press his knee between your legs knowing your body so damn well.

You wore a silk dress that revealed quite the amount of skin but of course it wasn't enough for Pedro so he slipped the straps of your dress over your shoulders pulling it down until your bare chest was revealed.

"You're telling me you didn't wear a fuckin' bra all night?" he growled against your forehead pressing you closer to the wall he had pushed you against.

"Pedro," you whined your arms entangled behind his back.

He smirked smugly enjoying the way he had you wrapped around his little finger. You were so incredibly responsive to his touch and the sound of his voice and he knew that not the largest movie role could give him a bigger ego-boost than your little sighs and whimpers that were only meant for him.

He kissed his way down to the swell of your breasts gently burying his teeth in your flesh so deep that he could feel you twitch but not so much so that he would seriously hurt you. When he started to take care of your nipples you threw your head back feeling grateful for the wall behind you and buried your hands in his hair that started to look more and more messy and curly the longer the two of you made out.

Not wanting to neglect your left breast his big hand took care of your other bud and enclosed it between his fingers which made you rock your core against his leg between your thighs.

"Pedro," you sighed again feeling almost too weak on your knees to stand but luckily he sensed it and steadied you by holding you by your waist.

"I know babygirl. I'm gonna make you feel so fuckin' good. 'Cause you deserve it. I love you so much and I want you to feel it."

This was probably the clostest to heaven you would ever reach because both his mouth and his hand was occupied with exploring your chest with so much delicacy that you felt like you were the most precious thing Pedro had ever held in his arms.

That was one of the attributes about him that you had fallen in love with first. The way he made his opposite feel as though they were the only and most important person for him. And he was especially good at doing so while devouring your body.

"You're so fucking pretty like this, baby. I don't know what I did to deserve all of this."

You widened your eyes because the question was what did you do to deserve this?

"I need you Pedro," you whimpered, seriously close to crying not only because of the gentleness of his words but also because you were so desperate to be closer to him, seeing and tasting every part of him while being utterly consumed by him.

"Patience, y/n."

Your nails lightly scratched over his shoulders hinting at the fact that you weren't in the mood to wait right now but he placed a messy kiss on your collarbone while soothingly caressing the side of your chest.

"I know, I know. Just lemme have a little more time with you, mhm? Afterwards I'll make you come as many times as you want, okay?"

You nodded because what else were you supposed to do? Were you supposed to deny him when he looked at you with these puppy eyes? You would probably agree to anything he was asking of you right now.

And so Pedro continued his explorations on your abdomen kissing and biting every inch of your skin. His big hands kneaded your flesh and rolled your buds between his fingers gifting you indescribable pleasure and if you hadn't been too fucked out already to articulate your words you probably would have repeatedly sighed his name over and over again.

His mouth additionally traced the outline of your breast and seeing this perfect man savouring you like you were the most beautiful and stunning creature he had ever laid his eyes on gave you more confidence than anything else in the world.

Soon, you had lost every sense for the passing time, he let go of you and guided you to the big bed in the middle of the room. Pedro gently pushed you on it but didn't immediately followed as he started to take off his shirt which he threw on the floor joining his jacket that he had already pealed off earlier. Then his pants followed and he eventually crawled, only wearing his boxers, on top of you.

You were mesmerized by his stunning body that you had seen more times than you could count and yet never failed to make you drool for him. His broad shoulders, the small waist and his muscular arms… Obviously he noticed the way you were staring and put a finger under your chin.

"Naughty girl…," he purred and then kissed you softly but pulled back way too soon.

"You're gonna let me eat that pussy?" he asked and you gulped feeling his hands on your hips. He was good at giving oral sex but you knew that in the kind of mood he was in tonight it would be sensational. Electrifying. You really were in for a ride.

Almost feeling scared of the reaction he would provoke in you you ran your hands through his hair.

"Yes, Pedro. Please," you whispered nevertheless and watched him make his way down your body.

He stopped at your stomach kissing the softness of your belly which made you giggle and then he pulled down your dress, took it off your body so the only thing separating him from what hid between your legs was your panties. He stroked your bare thighs looking at your body almost proudly as if he was dreaming about what would come now.

"Please. I really need it, Pedro, like really."

His eyes shot up to your face again and a smile formed on his face.

"Someone is a little impatient tonight."

You rolled your eyes though not entirely capable of hiding your inner peace.

"Someone is a teasing ass tonight."

That made him chuckle but he finally pealed off your underwear which you considered a success and you apprehensively pressed your legs together.

"You know you need to open your legs in order for me to make you feel good," he smirked gently and yet firmly parting your thighs. Then his eyes darkened at the sight of your pussy and you could hear his breath catching in his throat.

"Will you look at that…," he panted caressing the insides of your thighs. "The best fuckin' pussy I've ever tasted and smelled and touched."

The butterflies in your stomach were wakened once more and you blushed at his words. You couldn't believe that you had been anxious about him seeing, let alone eating your pussy at the start of your relationship just because your past partners had either not given you oral sex at all or expressed their dislike for it very clearly. But Pedro wasn't like them. He was absolutely crazy about making you come on his tongue and ever since you had let him dive between your thighs for the first time you realized what douchebags your exes had been.

You snapped back to reality when Pedro lowered his head and licked a strip from your hole up to your clit collecting your arousal and swallowing it with relish.

"For fuck's sake," he growled his eyes rolling back at your divine taste. "You're drippin', babygirl."

"Pedro, fuck… Please…," you whimpered already feeling like pudding beneath him.

This time he instantly followed your request, perhaps feeling addicted to your taste so much that he didn't care about teasing you anymore.

He wrapped his soft lips around your clit applying light pressure while circling his tongue around it, which was an intoxicating combination. Sometimes you believed that he knew your body better than you did because he seemed to know exactly where to touch you and when to go faster but if you slept with someone almost every day for more than 3 years you grew to know each other's likings and dislikings.

It didn't take you long until you realized that he was especially hooked tonight. He was always good, of course but tonight you felt like he was eating you alive. You wondered how he had the energy to get lost in you like this after having spent almost three hours dancing and exhausting himself at the concert but who were you to complain? It felt like he was trying to suffocate in your pussy and when he took your clit between his teeth to lightly nibble at it you let out a long whine.

"Fuckkkk," you whimpered gripping the bedsheets and feeling your toes curl.

"Ohh fuck, Pedro. S-So… fucking… good."

He smiled which you couldn't see and then started to circle your entrance with his pointer finger. His mouth didn't leave your clit for a second while he inserted his finger in you gently opening you up. He curled it just right and you choked on a moan.

"Please. Please, I need to…," you whined unable to finish the sentence but you honestly didn't know what you were even asking for.

"Yes, baby. I got you, you see? S'alright, I know what you need. Just listen to my voice and relax. I'll take care of you."

His voice was so soothing and mesmerizing that you allowed yourself to close your eyes. He really was taking care of you because minutes later you felt yourself getting closer to your orgasm. He kitten-licked your clit now getting the hood that covered your little nub out of the way so it was even more intense for you. In the way your body tensed and your muscles tightened he was able to see that you were about to burst so he became faster.

"You're gonna cum for me, y/n? Gonna soak my face?"

You could only nod too focused on not letting out a shriek that was definitely not appropriate for an entire hotel to be heard and dug your fingers into his broad shoulders.

"Then come. Give it all to me, c'mon."

It was truly magical how you reached your high right at his words and arched beneath him.

"FUCK," you cried out buckling your hips and uncontrollably shook while he licked you through it.

"S'right. That's a good girl…"

The intense orgasm completely took you out and you needed a moment to collect yourself but once you did you realized how his touch had started to feel overwhelming.

"Pedro…," you whispered pulling at his strong arms.

"Feelin' a little overstimulated?" he asked raising his head from your cunt.

"Yes. But I need you now, please. Need you inside of me."

Pedro was more than happy with your request and crawled up to you again so your faces were on the same level.

"Yeah, you do?" he asked with flashing eyes and you couldn't wait to feel filled by him any longer so you wrapped your legs around his waist and crossed them behind is ass.

"Please. I want you so badly."

He looked down and your eyes followed him to where he pulled his boxers down to reveal his cock that stood hard against his stomach. The precum on his tip looked tempting and you were just about to demand to suck him off when he wrapped a hand around his shaft dragging the tip through your folds.

You instantly forgot everything and his dick quite literally took hold of your actions and thoughts. When he circled your aching clit your eyes rolled back and now you really were completely fucked out and at his mercy.

"Pedro…," you whispered almost feeling pathetic for begging him all the time but you really needed him now and he just couldn't make you wait any longer. Fortunately he finally released you from the torment and started to push into you with the tip.

"That's it… Oh jesus christ…," Pedro sighed his face drawn in pleasure.

"Breathe, sweetheart," he reminded you as he saw you staring up to him with eyes round as coins. "You're so fuckin' amazing, y/n. And you feel so goddamn good around me."

He was only with the tip inside but you already felt like it wouldn't take a lot more to make you come again so you applied pressure to his ass gesturing him to push deeper so the two of you could orgasm at the same time.

"I'm not gonna last long, babygirl, I'm sorry," he grunted in your ear his hands groping your right breast.

"S'okay," you managed to press out. "I won't either."

Pedro smiled softly and left kisses on your jaw while picking up the pace of thrusting in you. He still didn't go as deep as he could fearing that he might hurt you as he wasn't exactly small but it was enough to drive him dangerously close to the edge after an embarrassingly short amount of time.

Pedro swiftly reached down between your legs to search for your clit and started to rub you in messy circles so he wouldn't burst before you.

"Are you close, honey?" he breathed and you felt his thrusts getting sloppier.

"Yes. M'close, m'so fuckin' close."

He pushed inside of you three more times while stimulating your clit and then you came. You shrieked loudly and the feeling of your pussy clenching around him made him burst as well. Pedro let out a deep growl, collapsed on top of you and you felt his cum filling you up to the brim.

"Oh jesus fuckin' christ…," he moaned and bruied his face in your neck.

You on the other hand were powerlessly sprawled out underneath him enjoying the way his weight pressed you down into the mattress and soothingly ran your hands through his locks.

"That was so good, baby," you whispered and kissed his sweaty hair.

He didn't answer you but you were familiar with the way he always needed a moment to collect himself after a crushing orgasm like this. So you decided to shower him with the love your felt for him that was so intense currently that it almost cut off your breathing.

"I love you, Pedro. So so much. And I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. I want you by my side all the time, forever."

That was the point where he lifted his head glancing at you with wet eyes.

"How did I deserve you?" he asked for the second time tonight pretending to break down and cry and you cradled his head.

"C'mere," you whispered gesturing him to crawl up to you and pulled him in for a kiss.

"Pedro?" you asked against his lips after a while.

"Mhm?" he spoke sounding just as exhausted as you felt.

"I'm so tired. Can we just clean up tomorrow?"

He gently bit you bottom lip and caressed your cheek. "Of course. Just wanna sleep now."

With these words he rolled off you but was quick to embrace you again by moving your body around so your head could rest on his chest. When his hand began to stroke your hair you almost started to pur like a cat but you didn't find out whether you did because you fell asleep before it could happen.

~~~~~~~~~~

The two of you woke up late the next day which wasn't a surprise considering the concert had ended at around 1 am and instead of sleeping you had fucked afterwards.

So it was almost noon when you opened your eyes and glanced at Pedro to your left who was still fast asleep. You decided that the two of you deserved a lazy morning like this and moved over to him so you could crouch against his upper body. The sticky feeling between your legs reminded you of how you both had been too lazy last night to clean yourselves up but you were still not eager to leave Pedro so you pushed the thought of going to the bathroom away and instead inhaled his scent greedily.

You were able to dooze away for a couple of minutes again but were woken up when Pedro moved next to you and you smiled as he opened his eyes into yours.

"Mhmmmm… what's the time?" he asked and yawned open-mouthedly.

"Almost 12."

He sighed, but made no attempt to get up, instead grabbing your waist so that your body crashed against his.

"I just wanna stay here," he mumbled his eyes closed but you poked him in the side.

"You have a rehearsal later, baby."

His lips formed a pout and he opened his left eye. "I can skip it."

You smirked and kissed his ear while crawling on top of him.

"Yeah you can. But then I'm really curious to see how you're gonna do tomorrow."

Pedro let out a frustrated hum and took hold of your waist. "You can jump in for me."

You had to laugh at his morning-dizziness that almost made him act like he was high and pressed kisses on his neck.

"No one will notice, right?"

He shook his head finally opening his eyes and smiled at you. "No. Because we're basically the same person 'cause we're getting married, you know?"

"Mhm, yes, I know."

You leaned down to kiss his nose while your hand caressed the side of his face.

"Y/n?"

"Yes?"

Pedro closed his eyes again breathing steadily while you spoiled his face and neck with kisses.

"Where do you wanna get married?"

You chewed on your bottom lip and thought about your answer for a few seconds.

"I haven't really thought about it yet to be honest. Have you?"

He shook his head slightly moving up in the bed so he could pull you closer to his chest.

"No, not really. But if you could choose right now, what place would you pick?"

"Mhmm… You know that I'm a big Italy fan, right? Just imagine it. Italian coast preferably in autumn so it's not too hot. And then our families and friends and we could go take a swim in the ocean at night." You laughed and pinched his cheek. "Or we could do a karaoke night."

Pedro rolled his eyes and grimaced which only made you giggle harder.

"Don't remind me of it. I really don't know why I agreed to do it for SNL. I just don't get why people are doing it, I mean someone has written the song and sang it, why are people now ruining it by giving us their drunk version of it?"

You pretended to frown and stroked the hair out of his face. "You're not gonna be drunk while perfoming it, are you?"

"Well maybe I should be. Ohhh fuck, y/n why have I agreed to this?"

Pedro buried his head in your neck and dramatically shook your body while you soothingly ran your hands over his naked back.

"Shhhh. You got this. I know you do. And you're not terrible when it comes to singing. You might not have the perfect timing, but…"

He interrupted you by lifting his head and showing you the middle finger. You quickly took hold of his hand pushing it against his chest and seriously looked at him.

"What I was saying was… You might not have the perfect timing, but I know that you're gonna do amazing, Pedro, because you're incredible. And you have time to practice today which brings me to the next important matter: We need to get up now."

He let out a disapproving cry and was quick to roll the two of you over so you were trapped underneath him.

"No," he whispered and narrowed his eyes at you. "I'm not finished with my morning routine yet."

You laughed out placing your hands on his shoulders. "Your morning routine?"

Pedro nodded with an important look on his face.

"Of course. Don't you know that it gives stability to have a morning ritual?"

You bit your lip with relish as you felt his hand traveling up your waist.

"Is that so? What is your morning ritual then?"

Pedro answered you with a deep kiss that completely cut off your air supply and left you breathless once he pulled away.

"Now I'm finished," he smirked and rolled off you.

~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the day was quite peaceful and eventless. Pedro ended up attending the rehearsal for the anniversary and returned to the hotel room when you had just started to read a book. His eyebrows were drawn together and dramatic as he was he dropped his head to his chest acting like he was crying.

"I messed up my entry a million times, y/n."

You put the book down stood up and pulled him into a hug. "Oh my love… I told you, the timing."

Pedro instantly pushed you away but couldn't hide the amusement on his face.

"Shut up. You don't know a thing about acting anyway," he prenteded to sulk and crossed his arms in front of his chest which made you laugh.

"How was it apart from your failure?" you then asked with flashing eyes. Pedro ignored your teasing and nodded while sitting down on the bed.

"It was good. I mean you know, I don't particulary enjoy karaoke but it was still fun. I was happy to see Marcello again and Sabrina was also very nice so, yeah. I think it's gonna be fine. I hope so."

"It will be fine, Pedro," you said insistently and truly meant it. "And even if you make a mistake it doesn't matter. This is the anniversary and it's supposed to be fun for everyone. No one's gonna care if you, I don't know, mess up the timing once or twice. Really."

He nodded again pulling you towards him by your hips until you stood between his legs.

"You're right. Somehow you're always right. How do you do it?"

You smirked and only now noticed how gorgeous he looked despite being exhausted from rehearsal.

"Keep talking, baby."

Pedro's hand were suddenly on your ass squeezing you softly which made your smile deepen. He was such a flirt and it sometimes drove you mad.

"Seriously though, we're gonna do what you wanna do tonight. I want you to relax. Even if it means watching an old film in bad quality on your iPad because you can't stream on Netflix on the hotel TV."

Pedro chuckled pushing you even closer to him until you lost your balance and landed on his lap.

"You're givin' me ideas, baby."

"If that's what you wanna do, let's do it."

And so the two of you actually spent the night watching 'Dirty Dancing' probably for the sixth time. You fell asleep once towards the end but woke up again before Pedro could even notice and then afterwards his hand on your thigh drove you insane but you didn't initiate anything as he was probably too tense and nervous to relax.

Tonight you went to bed early which you thought was exactly what the both of you needed and so you didn't fight the sleep creeping up on you as the sun hadn't even touched the horizon yet.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next day Pedro woke up early which was no wonder considering how stressed he was about his SNL performance. You didn't mind being waken up by his restlessly shifting body and although you had problems keeping your eyes open you decided to get up as well while Pedro took on his bathrobe.

"When are Coco and Julia gonna be here?" you asked rubbing over your tired eyes.

"They said they would be at the hotel at 4 pm I think. But I'm gonna check again."

"Alright," you yawned and opened your phone answering a few messages.

The both of you were still very tired so you didn't exchange a lot of words, well-aware of the fact that you just needed a few minutes of silence so you could properly wake up until you were fully ready for the day.

Despite feeling so excited and nervous Pedro knew about your habits and granted you these peacful minutes before the two of you decided to have breakfast downstairs.

It turned out to be a relaxed and beautiful meal, sipping on your cappucino while the sun shone inside despite the cold weather. Yet you worriedly watched your fianée only taking small bites from his pancake which made you speak up at some point.

"Pedro, you have to eat. You're gonna need the energy."

"I know," he sighed tapping with his finger on the table. "But I feel like I'm too anxious."

That made you take his hand and you traced his tattoo just like you always did when you attempted to make him calm.

"There's no need to be scared, baby. You practiced the skits, you are so fucking talented and they're gonna help you with the words if you forget. And you know that all these people performing with you love you and they're gonna try and make you feel comfortable. And I don't know if that helps but I'll be in the audience and I'm gonna cheer for you."

Your words elicited a smile from him and he stared down to where your hands were locked.

"It helps. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Both your rings reflected the incoming sunrays and you watched them taking in their beauty. You felt amazed and excited every time your eyes fell upon the ring because it still was so surreal to be engaged to him. Not in a way that you felt appalled or rejecting but more in a state of disbelief. You had been dating him for more than three years now, getting to know every aspect of his personality and had grown to love him like you had never loved someone before. And now he was engaged to you because he claimed to enjoy your presence just as much as you did his. It was simply perfect.

"You're never gonna know 'cause I'll always be with you," you replied to his previous words and blared your teeth. "Oh and besides, another important point: You already hosted SNL and you were absolutely incredibly and so we know that you can do it."

"Yeah but do we…?" he scoffed lifting his eyebrows playfully.

"Yes we do. Just promise me that you'll try and have fun. Because then it's gonna be a success."

He nodded looking like he truly appreciated your words for once and thoughtfully moved his thumb to his mouth.

"Once again, I don't know how you always know what to say."

You leaned back in your chair crossing your arms in front of your chest and shrugged your shoulders.

"90 percent of the time I don't know either. Or let's say 80."

Pedro curved the corner of his lips glancing at you with those brown eyes that you wished you could sink into.

~~~~~~~~~~

Pedro and you spent the morning reading and listening to music as there simply wasn't enough time to really do something like going to the city. Then around 4 pm his stylists Julia und Coco arrived and started to take care of the both of you. It was always fun to have the two of them around and you didn't mind sitting still in your chair at all as you were getting well entertained.

You now wore a green gown and a matching scarf around your neck that highlighted your red lips. You looked elegant and classy, you found and had to smile when your pupils danced over your reflection in the mirror. Pedro was currently in the other room getting ready and you couldn't wait to see him all dressed up.

You had to be patient for another 30 more minutes until you heard steps coming closer and you sat up in your chair turning your head to the door to the other room.

When Pedro opened it your eyes lightened up and time seemed to be frozen for a brief moment. He looked handsome, like a literal dream.

Pedro wore a brown suit and a light brown seater underneath. The colours went perfectly with his hair and skin tone and you thought that you probably wouldn't get bored staring at him for the rest of your life. But now Pedro seemed to want to see something himself and gestured you to stand up.

"Let me take a look at you, honey." You rose up twirling for him while giving him a shy smile. Pedro's eyes softened and before you could register him coming closer his arms were around your back.

"You look fucking amazing. For god's sake, I don't know how to concentrate on anything that isn't you tonight."

You hid your face in his neck that smelled of his favourite perfume holding back tears of happiness.

"So do you, baby. You're gorgeous."

You got lost in time and only slowly pulled away from each other when Pedro's publicist cleared her throat.

"Sorry to interrupt. But we need to get going soon."

He pressed one last kiss to your cheek and then watched you proudly running his hands over your sides.

"Of course. I think we're ready."

Minutes later you found yourself in the car again next to your fiancée just like you had before the homecoming concert.

You simply couldn't take your eyes off him, he really was glowing tonight and the drive to the studio flew by. Outside you were greeted with even more flashing lights than two nights ago and you almost wanted to cover your eyes from the photographers.

Your heart pounded loudly being well-aware that your engagement would be obvious now at latest. The two of you proudly wore your rings and right now it seemed like every newpaper in the world would have a photo of you on their front pages tomorrow.

Pedro tightly held your hand and you weren't certain if he did it to comfort you or seek comfort from you but either way you were happy about it and ran your thumb over his knuckles. The two of you waved to the papparzzi letting them take their pictures and then you were led inside by his publicist, Anna.

Inside the whole procedure started again with what seemed like a million cameras capturing every gesture and twitch of your eyes and soon your mouth hurt from smiling so much.

Of course Pedro was a lot more interesting to the papparazzi and interviewers than you and you let him take the spotlight with pleasure. You smiled watching him on the red carpet so the photographers could take a few pictures with him alone and then waited while he gave a couple of interviews.

You really hoped he knew how much he deserved all of this. Not just because he was an incredible actor and entertainer but also because he worked so hard to get here. You didn't even pay attention to anyone else on the red carpet although there were the most famous people in the world walking past you because you only had eyes for Pedro. Your loving perfect Pedro. The one who had turned your life upside down three years ago and the one you wanted to get old with.

You saw how he scratched his nose at one point during an interview and couldn't help but think that it was intentional as the engagement ring was on display for the camera to catch it. He had also shown it off very clearly on the red carpet putting his hand on his hip so the whole world would find out that he was with you. Suddenly it was you who asked herself what you had done to deserve him.

When Pedro was done after a couple of minutes he quickly walked over to you and offered you his arm which you gladly took. Anna guided the two of you further until you passed the famous glambot which he did as well and then you finally found yourselves in front of the SNL stage.

Of course you would have loved to enjoy the show snuggled up against his shoulder but as that wasn't possible Pedro quickly pulled you in for a hug pressing kisses to your head.

"I'm sorry but I think I have to leave already. Hair and makeup, you know… Will you be okay?"

You smiled cupping his face and once again admired his beauty.

"Of course, baby. I can't wait to see you on stage. And once again, you got this. I'm already so fucking proud of you and there's absolutely no reason for you to be stressed, okay? We're all here to celebrate and have fun and even it something goes wrong please don't beat yourself up. But it doesn't matter anyway because you'll do amazing. Just try to enjoy it and don't think too much about it."

He nodded at you with these puppy eyes that made you want to squeeze his face but this definitely wasn't the time and place for it right now so you just kissed him one last time goodbye and then he left to go backstage where it certainly was a lot more stressful than here in the audience.

You passed the time with chatting to both people you knew and didn't know and you had so much fun that you didn't even notice the place getting more crowded. You met people you had never even dreamt of seeing in real life such as Jenna Ortega whom you repeatedly told how much you loved her in 'Wednesday' or Scarlett Johansson who from now on would probably be one of your favourite people in the world as your conversation felt so natural from the start. She hugged you in the end telling you how much she was looking forward to seeing you more frequently from now on glancing at your engagement ring and you felt the heat rising in your face.

When the show finally started you already felt high on your emotions very exhilarated and at peace at the same time.

You enjoyed Steve Martin's monologue, laughed at the first skits of the night and then it was finally time for Pedro's first appearance of the night so you dug your nails into the palms of your hands holding your breath.

Of course he did amazing. You noticed how he actually messed up the opening line just as he had predicted which you reacted to with widened eyes but he managed to keep going and in your opinion delivered a hilarious performance. You laughed and almost lost it when he had his reunion with Marcello and clapped and cheered loudly at the end.

Pedro seemed to search for you in the crowd as his eyes were dancing over the ranks and as you fortunately weren't seated too high up he spotted you and gave you wide smile that gave away how he relieved he was.

You returned the smirk and to show him how proud you were you blew him a kiss which he reacted to with a cheeky wink of his eye. Then the show proceeded so Pedro left the stage with the other actors which meant you had to wait now for his second skit.

It was a great show, you really had to admit that and you felt perfectly entertained watching all of these actors and singers putting their talents to show. But in the end it was Pedro you were here for so when his second skit was about to start you straightened up once again balling your hands into fists, muscles tensing.

You were nervous for him although you were telling yourself there was no reason for it. The performance turned out to be absolutely incredible and you couldn't hold you laughter for a moment.

Not only did Pedro do it flawlessly, no, you were also in awe of Woody Harrelson, Kate McKinnon and Meryl Streep and their ways of delivering their lines. You laughed tears, shook your head at the ridiculousness and genius of the jokes and even stood up in the end to show how impressed you were.

You even took a mental note to watch every single skit there was that included Kate McKinnon because she really had blown you away.

This time Pedro didn't have the time to make eye contact with you but you nevertheless followed his figure leaving the stage and exhaled loudly. He made it and he had done a hell of a job.

You couldn't wait to tell him how proud of him you were but first there were a lot more skits and musical performances to come so you once again relaxed and watched the show with a stupid smile on your face that just didn't seem to leave your face for a second these past days.

When the whole cast and guest performers appeared on stage in the end you finally saw Pedro again and rose to your feet alongside the other audience members. The cheers and clapping didn't seem to stop and a warmth spread throughout your body thinking about how wholesome and beautiful this whole night had been.

But now there was only one thing on your mind and that was to finally jump in Pedro's arms and never let him go again. And so as soon as the cameras were turned off and the celebrities seated around you started to move you swiftly gathered your jacket and purse and rushed down the stairs of the rang.

Pedro had seemingly already waited for you because he had opened his arms widely embracing you firmly while spinning you around. Neither of you initiated ending the hug so you enjoyed each other's warmth while you whispered sweet things in his ear.

"You did so amazing, Pedro. I loved it so much and you were so so incredible. I loved every fucking minute."

He pulled away a little to look at your face and formed his lips in a pout. "Thank you, y/n," he said clearly emotional and stroked the side of your head.

"But I messed up. Just as I said I would."

You strictly raised your finger lifting your eyebrows in a serious manner.

"No one cares. And don't you start with this now. It was a hilarious skit and you starting a little too early doesn't change anything about it."

He pressed your face to his neck swinging the two of you slightly.

"If you say so… It really was fun to be honest. But I was sooo nervous before, you won't believe it."

"But you did it. And I'm proud of you."

Pedro once again pursed his lips. "Thank you. This means so much to me. And I don't know how I would've done all of this without you."

In the way his voice broke you sensed that he was on the verge of crying and it made you tear up as well. Pedro quickly blinked them away pulling you in for yet another hug and then you stood like this for you didn't know how long but when you ended the hug a lot of people had already left the stage.

"Hotel?" you asked never having felt more content in your life.

"Hotel," he answered tightly gripping your hand and pulled you with him.

[omgkatherine01]

i neeeed a kraven smut where he’s warning the reader they can’t have sex because he won’t be able to control himself and he’ll hurt her. the reader is really submissive and innocent but he keeps smelling and sensing how turned on she is, the tension is too high and he gives in and they have really rough sex. i mean like him choking her, pinning her down, and maybe biting her. after he feels really bad for how rough he was, but he couldn’t help himself because it was all instincts from his animalistic side. i cannot stop thinking about it.

Kraven's Temptation

Pairing: Sergei Kravinoff x Fem!reader

Warning: Smut!, little bit of blood

Masterlist (requests are currently open for now)

Sergei's eyes flashed with a dangerous intensity as he growled, "We can't do this. I won't be able to control myself... I'll hurt you."

You trembled, a mix of fear and arousal coursing through your body. "I--I trust you," you whispered, your innocence only heightening his primal urges.

He inhaled sharply, catching your scent. "You have no idea what you're doing to me," he rasped, his control slipping.

Unable to resist any longer, Sergei pounced, pinning you beneath him. His strong hands gripped your wrists as he claimed your mouth in a bruising kiss. You gasped as he bit your lower lip, drawing blood.

Sergei's grip tightened as he trailed hungry kisses down your neck. You whimpered, both from pain and pleasure, as he bit down on your sensitive skin. His powerful body pressed you into the mattress, leaving you breathless.

"Mine," he growled possessively, one hand moving to encircle your throat. He applied just enough pressure to make you lightheaded as he roughly entered you. You cried out, overwhelmed by the intensity.

Sergei set a punishing pace, driven by pure animal instinct. His fingers dug into your hips hard enough to bruise as he took you relentlessly. You surrendered completely to his domination, lost in a haze of pain and ecstasy.

As the intensity built, Sergei's grip on your throat tightened. Your vision began to blur at the edges as he pounded into you mercilessly. Just when you thought you might pass out, he released your neck, allowing you to gasp for air. The rush of oxygen heightened every sensation.

"That's it, take all of me," he snarled, his voice rough with lust.

You cried out as he hit a particularly sensitive spot. Sergei growled in approval, angling his hips to strike it again and again. The coil of pleasure inside you wound impossibly tight.

"Sergei, please!" you begged, not even sure what you were asking for.

He leaned down, his teeth grazing your ear. "Come for me," he commanded.

With a strangled cry, you obeyed. Waves of intense pleasure crashed over you as your body convulsed beneath him. Sergei groaned deeply, your release triggering his own. He thrust into you a final time, holding you tightly as he spilled himself inside you.

For several long moments, the only sound was your shared ragged breathing. As the haze of passion faded, Sergei's eyes widened in horror at the marks covering your body. Bruises were already forming on your wrists and hips, and angry red bite marks dotted your neck and shoulders.

"Oh god," he choked out, scrambling off of you. "I'm so sorry. I... I couldn't control myself. I told you I would hurt you."

You winced slightly as you sat up, your body aching pleasantly. "Sergei, it's okay," you said softly, reaching for him. "I wanted it. All of it."

He shook his head, unable to meet your eyes. "No, it's not okay. I... I'm a monster. I should never have let this happen."

You reached out to gently touch Sergei's arm. "You're not a monster," you said softly. "Please don't say that."

He flinched away from your touch, his eyes filled with self-loathing. "Look at what I've done to you," he said hoarsely. "I could have seriously hurt you. I did hurt you."

"But you didn't seriously hurt me," you insisted. "I'm okay, Sergei. More than okay."

He finally met your gaze, searching your face. "How can you say that? After what I just did..."

You took his hand, placing it over your heart. "Feel that? My heart is racing, but not from fear. I've never felt more alive." You leaned in closer. "Or more wanted."

Sergei's expression softened slightly. "You truly aren't afraid of me?"

"Never," you breathed.

He pulled you into his arms, holding you as if you were made of glass. "I don't deserve you," he murmured into your hair.

You nestled against his chest, feeling safe and cherished. "Let me be the judge of that."

Sergei's arms tightened around you, his body still tense with lingering guilt. You nuzzled against his chest, breathing in his musky scent.

"I meant what I said," you murmured. "I trust you completely."

He sighed, running his fingers gently through your hair. "Your trust in me is misplaced. I lost control. My instincts took over and I..." he trailed off, unable to finish the thought.

You tilted your head up to meet his troubled gaze. "And you gave me exactly what I needed," you said softly. "What we both needed."

Sergei's brow furrowed. "How can you say that? I was far too rough. I could have seriously harmed you."

"But you didn't," you insisted. "You pushed me to my limits, yes. But you didn't go beyond them." You traced your fingers along his stubbled jaw. "That's the difference between you and a true monster, Sergei. Even in the throes of passion, some part of you was still aware. Still in control."

He caught your hand, pressing a tender kiss to your palm. "I wish I could believe that," he said quietly.

You shifted in his arms, wincing slightly as your sore muscles protested. Sergei immediately loosened his hold, concern etched on his features.

"See?" you said with a soft smile. "You're still being gentle with me now. Your instincts aren't solely about violence or domination."

Sergei's expression remained troubled, but some of the tension left his body. He carefully traced the marks he'd left on your skin, his touch feather-light.

"I never want to hurt you," he murmured.

You caught his hand, bringing it to your lips. "Then don't push me away," you said. "That's the only thing that could truly hurt me."

Sergei's eyes softened as he gazed at you. Slowly, hesitantly, he leaned in to press a tender kiss to your forehead.

"What did I do to deserve you?" he whispered.

You smiled, snuggling closer to him. "You were simply yourself," you replied. "That's all I ever wanted."

As Sergei held you close, his guilt began to fade. In its place, a fierce protectiveness took root. He may not fully trust himself, but he would do everything in his power to keep you safe - even from his own darker nature.

[cheonstapes]

miguel o'hara stars in... 'DOMESTIC BLISS' (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

a/n~ i physically cannot write a fic about my favs w/o getting horny mid way through sorry ;( i just want miguel to wrap me up and brush my hair and hold me tight---- NNNNNNNNNNH (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

summary; miguel really likes your thighs…and how his cock looks between them.

wc; 700+

pairings; miguel o'hara x fem!reader

cw; SMUT!!, fluff, miguel and reader being cutesy, consensual somnophilia, thigh-fuckin, lil bit of blood, cummin inside, basically a breeding kink cause i said so, softdom! miguel, miguel being pussy whipped, sleepy sex, cumplay?, n e ways...not proofread - is one in the mornin

miguel loved nights like this. both of you wrapped up in warm, fluffy robes, and matching slippers - just enjoying each other’s company. 

“babe, grab my headband for me please?” 

walking over to where you were in the bathroom, he looks at your beautiful face through the mirror, sliding the cute headband on your head. “here, my love.” he trails a hand down your arm, wrapping it around your waist and he pulls you closer into him, your body pressed tightly against his rock solid chest. he doesn’t loosen his grip on you as you lean forward to wash your face, instead gripping your hips to hold you steady.

he still doesn’t let go of you when you walk over to your shared bed, tucking you under the covers and bringing you as close as he could to him. his face rested in the crook of your neck, lips pressing soft kisses against your warm skin. he really was the luckiest man in the world, blessed with this angel in front of him. his hands gently traced the curves of your body, the touch meant to be soothing but it was anything but for the throbbing he felt under the sheets.

he could hear you snoring quietly, the subtle rise and fall of your chest, the slenderness of your collarbones that were faintly littered with love bites. everything about you was just so perfect. especially those thighs of yours. those sexy, juicy, thighs - pressing against his. palming at your ass, he pulls you closer, if that was even possible - fingers moving to dip into your panti- oh, fuck, you weren’t wearing any.

this new revelation led to him fucking his thick cock through the tightness of your thighs, nudging your little clit with every thrust. he whimpers, actually whimpers, at the feeling, a sound he’d take to the grave - if you were awake right now, you would not let him live that down. but that didn’t matter right now, not when he was so close to painting those pretty thighs with his cum. or actually, why waste it? maybe he should just cum inside of you. it would save cleaning up in the morning, plus - you smelt so delicious after your shower, it’d be a shame to wash away that scent and his cum.

he angles his hips upwards, one hand on yours waist and the other keeping your head up as you sleep - the leaky tip of his cock pressing against your tight pussy. he doesn’t want to disturb your sleep, especially since you’re so cute when you sleep, so he only pushes the tip in - a faint pop! echoing through the room as he slips inside of you. “fuck, baby, s-such a tight pussy - isn’t she? looks like ‘m gonna have to stretch her out some more, hm?” soft whispers fall upon deaf ears, chuckling silently to himself as the sounds of your snoring get louder. 

the constant suctioning on his tip was driving him mad, brows furrowed tightly as he threw his head back against the plush pillows. biting his lips so hard he draws blood, the ruby liquid running down his neck as he stares down at his cock disappearing between your thighs - thighs that we’re starting to…move? you seemed to be regaining some sort of consciousness, small breathy moans left your plump lips, eyes blinking open as you turned to look at him. 

he was so caught up in your pussy, he didn’t even register your hand coming to push him deeper into your quivering cunt. your soft hand wrapping around him set him off, his hot, sticky, cum shooting straight against your womb as you take him all the way to the base. the other hand rests on his lower stomach running along the trail of hair that you love oh, so much - fucking yourself on his cock whilst he shoots white ropes along your walls.

“p-princess- mmph, shit- didn’t…i didn’t mean to wake you.” he really means that, he truly didn’t want to ruin your beauty sleep - but he couldn’t help but rub tight, slow, circles on your sticky clit, speaking lowly into your ear. “go back to sleep, beautiful, papí will take care of you, ‘kay?”

i mean shit, back to sleep we go! 

-ONE CHANCE, JST ONE CHANCE MIGUEL

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

Hiii!! I saw your requests were open & was wondering if you could do a hurt/comfort vi x f!reader (romantic but could be platonic I don’t mind). Reader could be from the undercity and have similar experiences w vi so they relate and understand each other on that level. Not rlly sure what the angst could be but there’s a lot of canon to work from (like maybe vi sees smth that reminds her of her time in prison? Or smth idk), and reader is there to like, comfort/ground her. Like overall vi has a shitty time but has someone in her corner to listen/comfort her and maybe give her a hug yk? Anyways tyyy!

Sure I can! Enjoy!

To Be Loved

Vi hadn’t seen you in so long, at least, that she can remember. The alcohol did that.

All she remembered now was the shame of you finding her in the cramped apartment, after seeing her brutal pit fight.

The blood coating her knuckles, the makeup and black hair dye. But under it all, it was still your Vi.

Your hands cradled her off the floor, and she couldn’t understand why, but the feeling of your hands on her skin once more, brought tears.

“Oh, Vi…”

“I’m- I’m so tired, (Name)…I can’t-“ Vi cried, snot rubbing onto your shirt as she sobbed and gripped onto it with all the strength she could.

“I couldn’t protect her- I let him down… I let everyone down.” Vi insisted. It was unspoken of the people she spoke of, their names were never said out loud but it was practically screaming.

You told the stories, shared the memories and the pain, but never said their names. It made it real. It seemed like it was barely hitting Vi just now…

That her life would never be the same. Powder wouldn’t come home after playing with Ekko, Claggor and Mylo wouldn’t be clambering around on the floor, and Vander would never call them for dinner in The Last Drop.

Ever again.

Her family was gone.

The realization made her ugly sob into your neck, the sound crackling throughout the room as you held the back of her head and rubbed her back as you both sat on the ground.

The ring was her way of punishing herself. To feel the pain in her mind she had caused Powder, caused Jinx and Vander and Mylo and Claggor, even Ekko.

“You didn’t fail them.” You insisted, shaking your head as you shushed her cries and holding her to you. She tried to rebuttal, shaking her head but you simply pulled back.

You cradled her face in your hands, the look on her face so similar to seven years ago.

You mustered up your best smile and shook your head as you wiped her tears and she stared and cried at the feeling.

“You were a kid, Vi. Nothing was your fault.” You whispered gently, pressing your forehead to hers. Your lashes almost tickled her cheeks, almost mixing with her tears as she sniffled.

“Vanders proud of you. Powder…she’s not dead. She’s still here…” You whispered softly, your hand faintly ghosting over her heart.

Even if Powder changed, no matter how much she rebutted her name and past, grew her hair and grew taller, she couldn’t rid herself of the prescrnse you and Vi had on her life. She was still Powder. Just different.

“I hurt her.” Vi stated, trying to avoid your gaze. You frowned, looking her over for a moment as you saw the shame. She never wanted to hurt Powder.

“You love her.” Was all you could offer, pressing a gentle kiss to your loves forehead as she closed her eyes.

Everything inside her hurt, everything was aching and she hated herself. She felt guilty for indulging in your comfort, in taking it.

But even if everything was falling apart, her home, you, was still standing.

Your soft hands cradling her, your lips ghosting over her cheeks, her nose, her lips, her forehead and brows and lashes…she couldn’t help but drown herself in it.

She held onto you. Gripping your shirt and fisting it between her fingers as she hid herself in the comfort you provided.

In your comfort, Vi knew she would be okay.

The steady beat of your heart just made it all the more real. The hands that cradled her made it all the more real.

And you sealed it with a kiss.

[brain-rot-central]

Pegging Your Vampire Boyfriend: A Beginner's Guide

A/N: This is exactly what you think it is. Kudos to @kittenintheden & Shaurbox for teasing this pegging idea with me over a month ago. It hasn't left my head since.

Rating: E, a very hard E Words: 5.3k Pairing: Spawn!Astarion/Fem!Reader Warnings: 18+, pegging, bdsm- soft!Dom Tav & sub!Astarion, bottom!Astarion, praise kink, ear play, size kink if you squint, inappropriate use of magical scrolls, oral sex - fellatio, anal fingering, anal sex, trauma mention, intimacy issues, verbalized consent, blood warning

Summary: Astarion has been on the receiving end before, but not since he's gotten with you. Wanting to try it again, he propositions you in a rather intimate way.

“Darling?”

A soft, questioning voice calls out from the living quarters of your shared home. 

“I'm in the kitchen, love,” you respond. You're standing before the countertop, fileting a roast of beef into smaller portions for easier storage.

Wisps of bergamot fill your senses as the inquisitor reveals himself, arms wrapping gently around your waist. His nose dips into the crook of your neck, cool lips planting chaste kisses upon your skin.

“Oh, that smells divine,” he comments. Of course it does - it's a blood-soaked slab of beef. You laugh and lean your head into his, carefully slicing another steak from the meat. He covers the hand holding your knife and brings it carefully to his face, tongue lolling out to drag across the flat of the blade. He sighs in contentment as the blood soaks into his tongue, lavishing the flavor.

You wince as he releases the grip on your hand, gently placing the knife off to the side. I’ll need a new one, now, you comment to yourself. 

“Is there something you needed, Astarion?” you ask him.

He hums low in his throat. “Hmm, yes, there was something I wanted to ask you.” He peels himself away from your back and stands straight. His hands are still on your hips and you feel his forehead fall against your back.

In a whisper, he asks, “How do you feel… about taking the reins?”

You turn your head to the side, cocking an eyebrow as you ask, “What do you mean? I was on top last time.”

Astarion laughs against your back, a puff of cool air passing over your clothed skin. “I know, love,” he begins. “I mean to suggest that… you play the part of me. And I… well, you.”

It takes your brain a few seconds to interpret his words, but once it finally comes together, you feel a blush beginning to creep up your chest.

“Oh!” you exclaim, now with full understanding. “A-are you sure? I'm not opposed to it, but I have to admit… I've never done it before.”

Astarion chuckles lightly, tightening his grip around your waist, placing soft kisses along the side of your neck. “Neither have I, my dear.”

You peel yourself out of his embrace, turning your whole body toward him. A scowl lines your face; you know of his history.

“Well, I-” he stammers. “I've been with men, yes; laid on my back a number of times for them.” Astarion casts his eyes to the floor before continuing, “I have never done… this, though. With a woman.”

Expression softening from his explanation, you turn your body again toward the counter, moving yourself over to the sink to begin washing your hands. “Are you sure you want to explore this?” you ask, concern evident. “That it won't bring back… memories?”

He leans against the opposite end of the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. “There's no way to truly know unless we try,” he explains. “Though, I must admit, it's been on my mind incessantly, as of late.”

It's your turn to laugh, grabbing a hand towel to dry your hands. “Really?” you ask. “You've been thinking about me fucking you?”

Astarion scoffs, a scowl forming on his face. “Must you be so vulgar?”

You smile, moving toward him to place a soft kiss on his cheek. “I'd be your first?”

He sighs with an eye roll before saying, “Proverbially speaking, yes, you would be my first.” Astarion's hand comes up to hold your chin fast as he captures your lips in a chaste kiss. “My second first.”

You hum in satisfaction, wrapping your arms around his waist. He releases your chin and you rest your head against his chest. “So, how do we do this?” you inquire. “I wouldn't even know the first place to start.”

Leaning his cheek against the side of your forehead, he replies, “Not to worry, I've taken care of that already.”

“Astarion!” you exclaim, lifting your head from his chest.

He smiles as he meets your gaze. “I already told you I've been thinking about it!”

You lightly tap on his chest in a scolding manner before asking, “How did you know I'd even be okay with this idea?”

“I didn't,” he explains, shrugging his shoulders. “But even if you weren't, I'd still have something to play with later.”

Your face burns at his bold admission, images of him sinking said something into himself flooding your vision. You've never thought of him in that way before, but you quickly admit to yourself just how much it excites you.

“Hello?” Astarion asks innocently, waving his hand over your face. “Are you still with me? Have I given you too much to think about?”

“You're terrible,” you tease, peeling yourself from his embrace in a huff once again. Your face is as red as hot coals, head swimming. “When did you want to try this?” 

Astarion cocks his head to one side in thought. “I was thinking tonight?” he answers. “Or sometime soon. Whatever works for you, love.”

Nodding your head in agreement, you say, “Alright, then. Tonight it is.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Evening has fallen and you're fresh from the bath. You walk out into your shared bedroom, bathrobe wrapped snugly around your form as you dry your hair with a towel. Astarion bathed earlier as you cleaned the kitchen, telling you he would use the opportunity to prepare for your night ahead.

“Ah, there you are!” he exclaims in joy. “I've been waiting for you.” Dipping down into the drawer of the end table next to the bed, Astarion says, “There are a couple options we can choose from, darling.”

Astarion is dressed in nothing but his ruffled white shirt with the front laces undone, and his favorite pair of baby-blue and gold underwear. The hem of the shirt covers his underwear, giving off the illusion of wearing nothing underneath.

Standing up straight, he's now holding a tube of rolled parchment in one hand and a phallic toy in the other. “We have a scroll of Mystical Phallus,” Astarion explains, “or, your more traditional approach.”

You smirk as you run the towel through your damp hair, letting your bathrobe fall to the floor. Lifting your chin toward the direction of the parchment, you ask, “What's the deal with the scroll?”

Astarion clears his throat as the robe falls off your form, eyes quickly roaming over your newly exposed skin. He turns to place the toy back in the drawer, returning to meet your gaze before saying, “The shopkeeper explained it as ‘granting the caster a temporary phallus that's as close to the real thing.’ Not quite sure to what level it goes, but I'll admit - I am curious.”

“Alright, let's go with that one, then,” you decide, walking over to take the scroll from his hand. 

You're not too familiar with magic, being a soldier and all, but you've used scrolls before. Opening the paper tube, you're relieved to find that the spell is a rather simple one.

As you recite the incantation etched within the scroll, a faint blue light envelops the room for a mere moment. The light fades, the scroll disintegrating, and you can't help but notice an unfamiliar heaviness between your thighs that wasn't there before.

“Oh,” Astarion comments, shifting his weight onto one hip, accompanied by a hand. “Well, that's rather generous.”

Looking down, your eyes drink in the source of your discomfort. Glowing blue, and well endowed, lay a cock. Your cock, at least for tonight. It juts up proudly in the air from between your thighs, seeming like an extension of your clitoris. Other parts, thankfully, have remained unchanged.

“...Oh,” is all you manage, continuing to survey the mystical length. “This… this is mine?”

Astarion walks over, lowering himself onto his knees in front of you. “It would appear as such,” he states. “And my, oh my, how beautiful it is.”

You scowl, meeting his gaze. You're suddenly uncomfortable, his eyes flitting between yours and your newly summoned appendage. “I don't know what to do, Astarion,” you admit in a hushed tone.

He chuckles lightly. “Touch it, love,” he says, reassuringly. “Don’t be afraid. It's your cock.”

Nodding your head, you bring a hand up hesitantly to brush over your new addition. “Ah!” you exclaim in shock, your fingertips passing over the bulbous tip. A familiar pulling sensation in your groin begins to stir as you bend slightly inward.

Astarion, looking up at you with wide eyes, asks, “So? How does it feel?”

You can feel everything, as if this has always been part of your anatomy. Each feathered touch sends sparks of electricity up and through you, snagging behind a peculiar spot in your lower stomach.

“Real, Astarion,” you sigh in disbelief, giving yourself a few more tentative touches along the shaft. “I feel like this is my cock.”

“Do you, now?” he quips in a sultry tone. “Is it okay if I do this, then?”

Your mind barely has time to register what he might be implying before Astarion drags the flat of his tongue up the underside of your ethereal summon. Your vision blanks from the sensation, nearly toppling over had Astarion not been bracing you.

“Wh-what was that?” you yell, nearly breathless.

Concern outlining his face, Astarion asks from below you, “Too much? We can stop, if you want.”

You shake your head in disagreement. “N-no,” you respond. “No, that's not it.” Placing a hand on his head, you brush his fallen curls out of his eyes, meeting them with yours. “If this is even remotely close to how you feel when it's me doing this,” you explain, “then I appreciate the level of self-control you maintain over yourself.”

Astarion hums in satisfaction, placing a quick kiss along your shaft before rising to his feet. “It's a lot, I'll admit,” he tells you. Your length jumps in response, and he smiles. “Especially how you suck my cock.”

You're barely able to respond before Astarion’s kissing you; soft, but passionate. His hands grab hold of your hips, drawing you in closer until your centers meet. You moan into his mouth as he repeats the motion a few times, your jaw going slack under his ministrations.

His arousal is evident through the fabric of his undergarments, though not quite there just yet. Slipping your tongue into his mouth, you roll your hips into his with vigor, a bolt of pleasure pulling behind your pubic bone. He groans, tangling his tongue with yours, and begins walking you back until you hit the wall behind you.

Astarion asks, “Do you want me to do that to you, darling?” breathily, breaking the kiss. A hand winds in your hair, pulling your head to the side as he licks a stripe up the side of your neck. 

You shudder under his touch, grinding your length against his clothed erection again, searching for friction. “O-oooh-nly,” you groan, “i-if you want.”

Astarion pulls himself back entirely, tapping a finger lightly on your chest. “Ah-ah-ah,” he chides, “I asked you. I already know what I want.”

You close your eyes in frustration, hips involuntarily lurching forward in an attempt to catch more contact. You feel how heavy your cock is - painfully hard between your legs, desperate for release. It throbs in time with your clit, and you feel the wetness of your arousal beginning to gather at the apex of your thighs. 

“Y-yes, please,” you gasp, thighs rubbing together in a hopeless quest for relief.

Satisfied, Astarion plants a kiss along your jaw, placing his hands on either side of your shoulders. “Good girl,” he purrs as he begins to kneel again. Tracing a line of kisses down your body, starting between the valley of your breasts, his hands move down to cup each within his palms.

Rolling the sensitive peaks of your nipples between his fingertips, your body jerks again, cock brushing ever so lightly against his chest as he continues kissing down the plane of your abdomen. Astarion, now sitting on his heels, braces his hands against your thighs. 

He looks up to meet your eyes through full lashes. “Please tell me to stop if it becomes too much,” he tells you, genuine concern lacing his tone.

You hum in agreement, a hand coming up to tangle within the silver locks atop his head. Watching as he closes his eyes, Astarion licks again at the underside of your cock, base to tip. You shudder as his hand wraps delicately around your shaft, peeling the foreskin back. He takes a few tentative passes with his tongue along your frenulum, meeting your eyes momentarily to gauge your reaction.

Your hips buck and stutter under his tongue, a string of pleasured gasps and guttural moans slipping past your lips. The hand in his hair tightens as he takes the head of you past his lips, suckling softly on the sensitive gland. 

It takes a world of restraint not to shove the rest of yourself into the inviting cavern of his mouth. Astarion must know this, however, as the hand still planted on your thigh moves to your hip, holding you still. He doesn’t leave you wanting for long, passing as much of your length into his mouth as he can manage, his hand following you down to the base. He flattens his tongue on the way back up, hollowing out his cheeks as he reaches the tip, only to do it all over again.

Knees growing weak, you push your back into the wall behind you to hold yourself steady. The hand in his hair slips, pads of your fingers passing just over the tip of his ear. Astarion moans at the faint touch, the vibration shooting up through your cock and spreading like wildfire throughout your abdomen. You perform the same motion again, and Astarion begins craning his head into your touch.

“A-ah-” he gasps, pulling himself off of you. “Darling, if you keep doing that, I-”

His mouth falls open in a delicate pant, eyes flitting closed as he works his spittle over your length with his hand. You continue toying with the outer shell of his ear, intrigued at this new discovery, and he rests his forehead against your hip. 

“I never knew you had such sensitive ears,” you comment as you look down, watching him rub his thighs together as his hips buck up and down into the air.

With a drawn out groan, Astarion explains, “I’m an elf, my love. We all have sensitive ears.”

“Noted,” you respond, shakily bringing a hand down to join him along your shaft. You softly peel off his touch, lacing your fingers together. “I-I think I want to try something else, now,” you admit.

Smiling, Astarion slowly rises to his feet, cradling your jaw within his hand. His lips, swollen and soft from his prior activity, find yours; his kiss is desperate - hungry. “What do you have in mind?” he questions between quickly stolen breaths.

A fire swells within your core, and you're suddenly met with the same raging intensity and desire displayed in Astarion's kiss.

Hand tangling within his mess of moonlit curls once again, you pull Astarion’s head back, exposing the marble column of his throat. He groans when you drag the flat of your tongue over the apple of his throat, hips jerking into yours.

“I want to try fucking you,” you whisper into his skin, grinding your conjured length against his concealed erection to punctuate your intent. The coiling in your core winds tighter, but not enough to snap just yet.

As his weight presses into you, his hands grip your biceps for stability. Another roll of his hips and he sighs, dropping his head down to catch your eyes. “Are you sure?” he questions, breathless. “Because I'd really like that.”

With a nod of your head, your hands travel up under the hem of his shirt to settle on strong, narrow hips. Your lips meet again, the kiss just as ravenous as before, and begin walking you both toward the bed. When Astarion’s knees hit the edge of the bed, he gently falls back, with you quickly closing the distance above him.

“You needn’t worry about preparation,” he reveals as you lavish attention on his neck. “I took care of that earlier.” 

He shudders beneath you as you mouth his scars. “Isn’t that part of this whole process?” you ask while hooking your hands into the waistband of his underwear, slowly tugging them down.

Astarion lifts his hips up and laughs, providing enough space for you to slide the cotton fabric down and off his form. “It is, but I figured it was gracious enough of you to entertain this idea,” he explains. “Prep for this is… well, intimate.” He averts your gaze for a brief moment, drawing a large breath in before continuing, “I would understand if it didn’t appeal to you.”

Removing yourself from his reach, you sit back over your legs. His face shifts uneasily at your sudden withdrawal. “Astarion,” you begin to tell him, “I’m not ashamed of your body. I want to explore this as a couple.” He’s drawn his legs together in a likely attempt at covering himself. You place a hand atop one knee, rubbing soft circles as you say reassuringly, “All of it, together. So, please. Let me?”

Astarion sits up with a smile, and rests his forehead over yours. “If you keep being this nice to me, I may just return the favor,” he says, light-heartedly.

“You already do, Astarion,” you tell him with a laugh. “Always the gentleman.”

His kiss is a quick peck over your lips as he tells you, “There's a bottle of oil in the bedside drawer. Grab it, and I'll show you what to do.” 

You nod, sliding off the mattress and doing as instructed. Astarion moves himself higher into the center of the bed, sinking into the comforter and pillows. The bed dips below him as you climb back on, bottle of viscous liquid in hand.

“Pour some into one palm and rub your hands together, love,” he instructs. “This helps warm the oil.”

Popping the stopper off the bottle, you pour the cool, thick, opaque fluid out into your hand. You reapply the cork, placing it face up on top of the bedside drawer, rubbing the palms of your hands together. It takes a bit, but inevitably your body heat begins to seep into the oil.

Astarion lay before you, eyes beginning to hood over as he follows your hands. His legs fall silently open as his breath hitches for a mere moment. “Good,” he says encouragingly, his voice an octave lower. “Now, come here. Between my legs.”

You move in closer and note how the hem of his shirt is obscuring his cock from view. You can just make it out, though - it pushes against the fabric of the shirt, tenting it slightly and you swear you see a small darkened spot right where the tip of his cock lay hidden. Looking up, your eyes drink in how his collar has fallen to one side, sliding down and off his right shoulder, exposing his collar bone. Astarion normally wears this shirt with the sleeves rolled up tight, yet today, he's chosen to wear them loose.

His hands, half covered by the cuffs of his sleeves, envelop yours in a gentle embrace as he guides your slickened fingers to his core. Astarion stills for a moment, and you look up to find him staring back at you. 

There's an expression on his face that you’re not immediately familiar with - it's not fear, excitement, or lust, really. Yet, the longer you study him, recognition begins to dawn over you. 

It's the same look you've given him countless times before on this very bed, having thrown caution to the wind as you entwine the very fabric of your souls together.

Astarion is… submitting himself. To you.

Something majorly delicate, knowing his past. 

You know of what he was forced to endure while being compelled into submission. 

The barrage of lovers who cared not for the person below them; who saw him only as a means to an end. A quick pump, a cheap lay, a tool to scratch a nagging itch.

“Some people refer to the moment of climax as ‘a little death,’” he’d once told you. That was before you knew just how many he'd lead to their actual deaths.

True to form, Astarion's words are often double-edged blades. His mind dances constantly on the edge of pleasure and shame. You see it in his face, now. He’s standing on that precipice, knowing not whether to jump head first or step back.

You swallow thickly and stare back at him, unblinking, before saying, “You can always tell me if it becomes too much, and I will stop.” You pause for a brief moment before adding, “Pleasure is my only intent, Astarion.”

A smile graces his lips as he welcomes your fingers to make first contact with his entrance. “Oh, my dear,” he says with a sigh, “I’ve never doubted that about you.”

Leaning over him as you press the pads of two fingers teasingly against his tight ring of muscle, you kiss him. Astarion groans softly into your mouth, his hands coming up to cup either side of your face as he arches into the kiss. He’s grinding down lightly into your fingers, meeting each of your chaste touches against him.

“How many should I start with?” you ask softly, breaking the kiss for a brief moment.

“Two,” he answers, voice but a whisper against your lips. “Whichever ones you want.”

Humming into his mouth, you begin pushing your fingers into his entrance. Astarion’s breath hitches as you breach the perimeter, shoving his head back against the pillows. He instinctively tries closing his legs around you, though you hold one open with your free hand.

You still your movements, giving him a chance to adjust to the intrusion. “Is it alright?” you ask him.

Astarion nods his head as he moves a hand under his shirt to toy with a nipple. “Yes,” he huffs out. “I'm more than fine, love.”

Emboldened to the task at hand, you move, gently pushing and pulling your fingers within him. You feel his muscles contract around you and you briefly wonder if this is what he feels when he's inside of you. The thought sends a bolt of pleasure to your cunt, reverberating as a twitch of your cock. 

You look down to watch your fingers as they work him open, and finally see his cock laying against the plane of his abdomen. Compared to the pallor of the rest of him, his length is flushed pink and red, and you can make out the labored beating of his undead heart as his cock thumps softly against his stomach. Pre-fluid seeps from his tip, gathering in a small puddle just below his navel. Bending down, you catch a small rivulet rolling off his hip with your tongue, tracing it back to the source. Astarion shudders under you, threading his free hand through your hair as he pushes down onto your fingers.

You're beginning to understand that this isn't too different from your usual sexual encounters with one another. It's truly just a mirroring of your typical positions. Out of curiosity, you curl your fingers upward in one particular pass, and his entire body spasms beneath you.

“Fuck, darling, yes… You've found it,” Astarion groans out, labored. The grip in your hair tightens and he begins fucking himself in earnest on your fingers, a string of moans falling from his lips as he passes that same spot over and over again.

Your cunt aches and your cock throbs watching the scene before you. To see him unraveling before you, submitting himself to the pleasure of the moment is intoxicating. His legs have fallen open again and you watch, diligently, at how easily your fingers glide in and out of his core.

“I- I need more,” Astarion suddenly chokes out. You meet his gaze and through lust-hooded eyes, he says, “Please… let me ride you.”

He's pleading, you notice. Begging. Your eyes travel down his form again, drinking in the wanton display of him splitting himself open over your fingers. Your cunt throbs; you think of nothing else in that moment but pulling out your fingers and replacing them with your cock. 

To hear the delicious whines, the sobs, the cries that would surely tumble freely from Astarion's lips as he came undone around you. You want this, just as much as he does.

Pulling your hand free from his entrance, Astarion sobs as you crash your lips into his. “I'd love that,” you tell him, honestly.

Astarion begins to sit up, concentrating on never breaking the kiss you share as he aids you both in switching positions. You lay back, him straddling your lap mere moments later. He grinds his taint against your conjured appendage, your shafts brushing, and he cries out in a gentle moan against your lips. He breaks the kiss, reaching for the bottle of oil on the bedside table, dribbling some onto your cock.

With a few languid strokes of your mystical length to spread the oil and he lines himself up over you. Your eyes meet and you hiss through clenched teeth as your tip kisses his entrance, feeling the pressure slide over your glans as he slowly begins to take you.

“A-ahh,” Astarion pants from above you, still holding your cock steady in one hand. You sigh as you feel yourself push past the first ring of muscle, throwing your head back against the pillows. Your hands grip at his thighs as the sensation threatens to overwhelm you, fingertips likely to leave bruises that will be gone come morning.

Once he feels confident that you're nestled far enough inside, he releases his hold on your shaft, resting the palms of his hands against your lower stomach. He continues to slowly take you further in, words in a language you're unfamiliar with spilling from his mouth, until he's flush against your thighs.

Both of you freeze in that moment - you struggle to control your ragged breathing as he flutters around you, Astarion taking a moment to adjust to this foreign, but not unpleasant, sensation.

“H-how do I feel?” he asks in a hushed voice.

Truthfully? He feels… astounding. Tight, wet, and warmer than you would have thought for a vampire. When he lifts his hips, you feel the air being pulled out of your lungs. His walls drag deliciously along your shaft, and a nagging pull starts to build behind your navel. 

Your mouth drops open in a silent gasp as your eyes meet his through hooded lids. “A-amazing,” you pant out. “You feel so good, Astarion.”

He moans above you, his head falling to one side as he rolls his hips over your cock. His shirt hangs off one shoulder, the hem obscuring his cock again from view. Though, you feel its weight slap against your stomach with each lift and drop of his hips. 

Astarion’s voice comes out strained when he says, “Tell me again… please.”

You feel your cock twitch within him; he clenches around you as he locks eyes with you, waiting patiently for a response. Strands of sweat-soaked hair stick to his face, and on one particular stroke of his hips, you brush up against that place inside of him that forces his vision to blur at the edges. His mouth begins to salivate.

“Please, please, please,” he begs impatiently, voice an octave higher now. He's practically sobbing, spearing himself over your cock so each roll is angled to hit his prostate. You meet his thrusts from below, coil winding tighter within your abdomen as his walls continue to massage your cock.

You're not going to last much longer.

“You're so good for me, Astarion,” you say, obliging him. “You're being such a good boy.”

Astarion's mouth drops open as he bows his head forward, his entire body dipping down over you as a shudder passes through him. “Yes,” he whines, rocking back on your hips with renewed vigor. You feel his cock lay flat against your abdomen in this new position. It drags over your stomach, pre-fluid dripping from his tip and onto your skin providing an easier surface.

I am! And beautiful - not enough people mention that.

His words from long ago echo in your mind as you drink in his expression. He's gorgeous above you; handsome to begin with, but as he slips further toward toppling over the Cliff's edge, his beauty is quickly becoming amplified as he continues to lose composure.

“You’re beautiful like this,” you coo to him, lifting a hand from his thigh to rub over an ear.

Astarion's body is wracked by yet another tremor as he cries, “Darling, if you don’t-, I will-, I'm going-!” His head nestles into the hand toying with his ear and his hips pump erratically over your cock, having lost his prior rhythm.

You suck in a sharp breath, jaw clenched as Astarion becomes impossibly tighter around your shaft, and you groan. You're so close, so very close that all you need is one more thing to push yourself over the edge.

“Let go, Astarion,” you say, somehow finding the rhythm in his desperate rutting. The sound of skin slapping roughly fills the room as your hips meet his on his downstroke. You wrap a hand around the outline of his cock tenting his shirt, and jerk him in tempo with your thrusts.

He’s sobbing, loud and unabashedly. With one particular pass of your fingers over the outer tip of his ear, Astarion suddenly unwinds. He yells his pleasure above you, collapsing onto your chest as wave after wave overcomes him. You feel his spend seep into the fabric of his shirt and onto the skin of your abdomen in a small warm pool. 

It doesn't take long for the involuntary spasming of his core over your cock to send you spiraling into your own completion. Moans slip freely past your lips and you feel your folds become soaked, drippinh down the cleft of your ass as your relief washes over you. You bury your face against Astarion's hair, breathing in his soft silver curls and the signature cologne you know so well.

As you both begin to come down off your highs, you wrap your arms around his back and hold him tightly against your chest. You feel the spell of the phallus lift, Astarion whimpering softly as it vanishes from within him. You both lay on the bed, panting, trying to catch your breath for what feels like ages.

Astarion is first to lift up his head and say, “That… that was amazing.”

“Mm,” you hum in agreement. You can barely open your eyes as fatigue begins to set in.

Taking a finger, Astarion traces circles absentmindedly into your skin as he rests his head back down over your chest. “Darling?” he asks softly. “May I tell you something?”

Sleep almost has its claws in you when you jolt back awake, forcing your eyes to snap open and find Astarion. “Hmm?” you groan in question.

With a quick huff, Astarion says, “I just wanted to thank you for doing this with me.” He places a quick peck below your jawbone before adding, “It was really nice.”

You sigh audibly, and say “It was, we should do this again.” Your eyelids are impossibly heavy; sleep is threatening to claim you and will do so in mere moments. “I love you,” you manage to mumble out before slipping gently out of consciousness.

Astarion smiles into your skin as he says, “I love you, too,”

I love this, he thinks.

I love us.

[leahrintarou]

✩₊˚.⋆ YOU'RE FORGIVEN ! - hawks/keigo takami / 10.10 / kinktober

CW: he's sexually frustrated ofc, oral sex (he receives), tiny argument for plot, snowballing kiss, she/her used, not anatomy specified when it comes to reader, petname used ("pretty"), thats all :)

Word Count: 2.2k

Author's Note: hi guys! i forgot what number kinktober post this is...lol. i think it's the 6th but anyways, i hope you enjoy reading! ily guys and appreciate the love <3. leave a like or reblog to show support.

hawks had been in a sour mood lately. he wasn’t the type to lash out or act cold, especially not toward y/n. usually, he was all smirks and feathered winks, always pulling her close, teasing her with that warm, cocky charm. but for the past few days, he’d been distant, barely speaking, his touch cold and detached. it felt like she was sharing space with a stranger instead of the man she loved.

being the number 2 hero weighed on him, and she knew that much. the constant pressure, the relentless expectations—it had him on edge. but still, that didn’t make it any easier for her to watch him shut her out, day after day, without so much as an explanation.

one evening, y/n had finally had enough. she found him in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, eyes focused on some distant point. she stormed over, her voice tense as she spat, “what the hell is your problem, keigo?”

his eyes narrowed, but he didn’t answer. that only made her blood boil more. “seriously, this is getting old. if you’ve got something to say, then say it. stop acting like a complete jerk.”

he finally met her gaze, his eyes hard and unrecognizable. “maybe you should just leave it alone. i’m dealing with a lot of crap that you wouldn’t understand.”

she let out a humorless laugh, shaking her head. “oh, so that’s it? you just get to walk around, treating me like crap, and i’m supposed to act like it’s fine? newsflash, kei, i’m not putting up with this. you’re not the only one who’s got things to deal with.”

they stood there, glaring at each other in silence, until he muttered something under his breath and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. the sound echoed through the empty space, leaving her standing there, fists clenched, anger and hurt simmering under her skin.

---

later that night, y/n heard the door creak open. she was still awake, curled up on the couch with her arms wrapped around her knees, staring into the dark. she didn’t look up as he walked in, but she could feel his presence fill the room, heavy with the weight of his regret.

hawks stepped closer, his movements slow and tentative, like he was afraid to get too close. when she finally glanced up, she saw his eyes, red-rimmed and glassy, like he’d been holding back tears. he hesitated, hovering a moment before sitting down beside her. he looked down, his hands fidgeting in his lap, as if he wasn’t sure he deserved to touch her. after a long silence, he let out a shaky breath, his voice barely more than a whisper. “i’m sorry,” he began, each word thick with emotion. “i shouldn’t have treated you that way. it’s just… it’s been rough. all this pressure, all these expectations, they’re eating away at me. but that doesn’t make it right. i took it out on you, and i hate that i did.”

he glanced over at her, his eyes searching hers, hoping for a sign that she could forgive him. slowly, he reached out, his hand closing gently around hers. “i don’t want you to think that’s who i am or who i want to be with you.” he moved closer, his gaze softening, filled with remorse. his other hand came up to brush a tear from her cheek, his touch so tender it nearly broke her heart. then, he leaned in, pressing his lips softly against hers.

the kiss was hesitant at first, a silent apology, his lips moving slowly, as though he feared she might pull away. but as he felt her respond, he deepened the kiss, his hands trembling as he held her close. he broke away just long enough to whisper, “i’m sorry,” the words spilling from him over and over again, a quiet mantra of regret and longing. “i’m so, so sorry…”

she felt the tension between them melt away, and her arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer. his lips found hers again, and the kiss grew more intense, a desperate attempt to bridge the distance that had come between them. his hands cradled her face, his thumbs tracing gentle circles along her skin, as if he was trying to memorize every detail, every curve.

he held her like he never wanted to let go, his touch tender but fierce, his kisses a blend of need and apology. with each soft, murmured “i’m sorry,” he poured out all the words he couldn’t seem to say, hoping she could feel how deeply he regretted the hurt he’d caused. and as they stayed there, wrapped up in each other, it felt like the pain was finally fading, leaving only the warmth of his embrace and the quiet promise that he would try to do better.

hawks pulled back just enough to look into her eyes, his breathing ragged, his gaze clouded with an intensity that was impossible to ignore. he cupped her face, his hands trembling slightly as he held her close, his voice a rough whisper laced with desperation.

“i need you, y/n,” he muttered, frustration thick in his tone. “god, you have no idea how much i missed you… your touch, your warmth. it’s been driving me crazy.” his hands slid down to grip her waist, pulling her flush against him, as if he couldn’t stand the thought of any space between them. “these past few days… i thought i could just push through it alone, but i can’t. i need you.”

his lips crashed against hers, the kiss rough and hungry, filled with the pent-up longing he’d tried so hard to ignore. his hands moved over her body, desperate to feel every inch of her, like he was trying to make up for all the time he’d lost. he kissed her with an urgency, almost frantic, his fingers pressing into her skin as if grounding himself, anchoring himself back to her.

“i’m sorry for shutting you out,” he whispered hoarsely between kisses, his voice thick with emotion. “i missed you so damn much, y/n. i don’t ever want to feel like that again, like i’m just drifting without you. you’re all i need.” his lips traveled down her neck, his touch rougher, more desperate, as if he was trying to make sure she understood just how badly he needed her.

“you have no idea what it’s like,” he said, voice strained, his words spilling out in a low, frustrated growl. “i can’t take it. i need you like this, close to me. i need you, now.” he pulled her back into another kiss, fierce and passionate, his hands exploring every curve of her body as if he was trying to imprint her into his memory. his touch was needy, almost frantic, like he was trying to make up for every second he’d spent apart from her, and he held her like he never wanted to let go again.

y/n pulled away, muttering something underneath her breath before pulling a string from his sweatpants, loosening the waistband. she pulled it down in one motion, his breifs coming down with it as well. his length was hardening with every second that passed, making him glance over to look at her. her hands gently gripped his erection and hawks let out a soft moan.

the arousal that was already leaking down his length gave her enough slip to begin slow stroking motions. "f-fuck. please don't tease, pretty. I've been waiting so long already." he muttered, his head leaning back against the couch. "i should for payback."

"i said that i was sorry."

y/n's grip around him tightened and her stroking movements sped up immediately. "don't do it again, kei." she frowned, a small pout on her lips. "i wont, pretty. i promise." his voice sounded strained. he was trying to speak properly, but y/n's hand alone was driving him insane.

it'd been well over a few weeks since he got anything close to this kind of affection with y/n, so now that he's gotten this despite it not being much, it was still enough for the time being. "can you use your mouth?" he asked, pleading eyes with dilated pupils staring directly at y/n. she held his gaze, in thought as she contemplated what to do.

"please? i wanna feel you."

"i'm still mad at you." she huffed before shifting in her seat. "i know, beautiful. I'll make it up to you i swear." hawks' voice sounded like pure vulnerability and so did his body language. he was tense in y/n's her hold, but he allowed the entirety of himself to remain on display for y/n’s eyes.

"promise?" she questioned. hawks knew that she was only trying to drag it out, but instead of calling it out, he remained 'oblivious'. "mhm." he nodded, another moan escaping from his throat.

y/n moved back just a bit before leaning down. her tongue ran a strip over the tip of his length. a shaky moan was heard from him and he bit down on his bottom lip when her lips wrapped around him completely, her hand still around the base. his breathing went in and out with sharp breaths through his nose and his hands wrapped around y/n's as he aided her to fit a pace more comfortable them both.

the sounds that filled the room was nothing short of lewd. y/n's occasional moans around his length, hawks  trying to hold back, but the pleasure being overwhelming, and the quiet sounds of her gags when she'd take too much of his length in.

the saliva and arousal leaking down their hands and his painful erection. when hawks decided to take a glance at the sight after having his eyes shut tightly, he couldn't fight the shiver that ran through his body. "this is so pathetic." he groaned, feeling that familiar sensation approach.

y/n looked at him, a questioning look in her eyes. "close." was all he said with a look of embarrassment on his features. y/n was taken aback by this. her boyfriend was never the type to not be able to hold out for long periods of the time, so she could understand why he'd feel embarrassed about it now. "it's been so long that even if you stared at me long enough, i could probably get off too."

y/n attempted to hold back a laugh, but the vibration made hawks tighten his hand around y/n's, forcing her grip to be firm. "can you take more of me? just for a minute? you've done it before. " he pleaded. y/n pulled her mouth off of him, heavy pants falling from her breath. "you don't even deserve this much." she rolled her eyes, trying to ignore the small smirk on his lips.

"i'll do whatever you ask of me later, pretty."

"anything?"

"anything. i have all night."

with another wary look, she let out a huff. "okay, fine. jeez, i need to learn how to tell you no. you're so spoiled."

hawks leaned down, tilting her chin up and placing a kiss to her lips, a string of his arousal connecting them when he pulled back. "who's fault is that?" with a groan of annoyance, she leaned back down, taking him in whole. y/n shut her eyes, trying not to focus on the fact that the tip of his length met with the very back of her throat. hawks drew in a sharp breath, his breathing quickening in just seconds

"please dont stop." he moaned, hand gently cupping y/n's nape as she lifted her head before taking him in once again. the warmth of her mouth was all too familiar yet he couldn't get used to it even if he tried. y/n tightly shut her eyes when she gagged around his length and hawks felt a bit of pity for her but his selfishness didn't want her to stop. afterall, he was so close.

his climax approached when the tip of y/n's nose met his abdomen. she held that position for a few long seconds and in no time, his high rushed throughout his being. ribbons of white coated the inside of her mouth as she collected every drop of his arousal.

y/n stood up, holding the warm liquid behind her lips, watching as hawks's gaze fluttered open. "what is it?" he asked. y/n rolled her eyes since she couldn't talk. hawks squinted his eyes at her when she shifted to straddle his thighs. she pointed at his lips and then her own. "you want a kiss?" he lifted a brow.

she nodded and he was about to retaliate until y/n glared at him. he knew her all to well which is why he could almost curse himself when he remembered his words from earlier. he let out a long sigh. "anything." he muttered, rolling his eyes as he quoted himself.

"you better forgive me after this."

she rolled her eyes, a smile on her lips when she placed them against his. her lips parted and her tongue traced his. his arousal fell onto his own tongue and he wrapped her lips with his, the taste of his arousal coating his tongue. y/n let out a small laugh into his mouth before pulling back. "you're forgiven." she smiled, watching as he wiped his lips with the back of his hand.

"that was by far the most disgusting thing I've done." he muttered, reaching up to y/n to wipe away at the corner of her lips with his thumb. "guess that makes you a weirdo for enjoying it." she smiled, glancing down at his erection that was growing once again.

"fuck off."

♤ likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

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[benkeibear]

Hiiii! How are you? I've never requested from you before...or at least I don't remember doing so.

👉👈 could I maybe request headcanons for what the first kiss would be like with Genya and Kyojuro and maybe...Zenitsu? If you don't like those picks of characters,.then I'd be open to other demon Slayer characters.

Thank you so much! Feel free to make it smutty if you feel it could be. Otherwise I'm super happy with fluffy and super cute and blushy blushy

Oh I can so do that hehe 🫶 I already have this in wips with 3 other characters but fuck 'em

Some cute tooth rotting fluff coming right up!

『 First Kisses』

☼ synopsis: Your first kiss with them

☼ characters: Genya / Kyojuro / Zenitsu

☼ wc: 1,3k

☼ cw: gn!reader, first kisses

ˑ༄ؘ ۪۪۫۫ ▹ Genya:

✧ It was nerve wrecking for him to even think about leaning in and kissing you right on the lips

✧ So nerve wrecking that he had to wipe his palms on his trousers to rid himself of the sweat that built there

✧ He knew your lips felt soft, they kissed his hands and the scar on his face countless times but what if he was bad at it? what if you hated him after?

✧ It took him countless times to actually kiss you and he always got so mad at himself after, chewing the inside of his lip or biting his tongue until he tasted the coppery taste of blood

✧ Why can't he just kiss you? You deserve a partner that shows how much they love you

✧ Genya leaned in again after making sure you get home safely after your date but kissed the corner of your lips again

✧ Every time he leaned in, he got a little closer to your lips and you could see the way he beat himself up again on the inside

✧ Gently you grabbed his cheeks and leaned in to kiss the scar on his cheekbone once again but didn't pull back, your lips hovering over his

✧ You didn't want to force him, giving him a moment to decide what to do

✧ But you felt his lips on yours just mere seconds later, a little chapped and the kiss was rough

✧ You knew it was his first kiss, not your very first but the first with him and you didn't expect it to be perfect

✧ His lips moved against yours roughly, almost overly excited to the point where he pinned you against the door unknowingly

✧ His body gravitated towards yours, wanting to be so close

✧ You pulled away for air and he looked like a kicked puppy, thinking you hated it but your little love sick smile told him everything he needed to know

✧ You wanted to be with a whirlwind of emotions and that's exactly what you got - and you loved every second of it

✧ "Good night, Genya" you whispered and kissed him once more before going inside

✧ Genya stood in front of your door for a moment longer, his brain struggling to process that he just really got to kiss you, his cheeks slowly turning pink

ˑ༄ؘ ۪۪۫۫ ▹ Kyojuro:

✧ Kyojuro and you both never kissed anyone before, the nerves about it obvious

✧ Although he left the decision to you, wanting you to initiate when you're ready for it, scared he'll push you to do something you're not ready for yet or don't know how to say no to

✧ But he was more than ready to finally feel your lips on his, the act of kissing so intimate to him

✧ Perhaps he got a whole lecture by the sound pillar before, learning the etiquette of what to do and what not

✧ But he patiently waited for you to lean into him, to capture his lips into a loving kiss, to steal his breath away with your love

✧ Kyojuro was a patient man but the way you struggled to initiate it made it hard to hold back

✧ So he didn't hold back when you two were sitting on the Engawa of the Rengoku residence

✧ His haori was secured around your shoulders to keep the cold breeze of the night away

✧ You two spent a beautiful day together, now sharing some sweet Dango as a dessert while watching the crackling fire in front of you

✧ Every time he spoke you turned towards him, your eyes flickering to his lips after every second word and at first he thought the sweet sauce was stuck to his lips but that wasn't the case

✧ "My flame, is there something you would like to do?" He asked politely, the corner of his lips curling up to a smile

✧ You could feel the heat rush to your cheeks when he asked the question and struggled to find words, your eyes however were glued to his lips

✧ "Perhaps you would like for me to kiss you?" He asked more bold this time, waiting for your permission before he even leaned in

✧ The moment you nod softly however, his lips are you in an almost possessive way

✧ It was his first kiss but he took the lead, taking your breath away with how good it made you feel

✧ Hips lips were soft and you could definitely taste some of the dango you two just shared on them but that made it so much sweeter

✧ His hands respectfully rested on your neck and cheek when he pulled away, looking deeply into your eyes and you saw a side of him you've never seen before

✧ Kyojuro looked at you with so much love and adoration, now being absolutely certain that you're the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with

✧ A single little kiss held more power than both of you assumed so you leaned back in, pecking his lips until both of you had to stop

✧ heavy breathing shared between the two of you, lips slightly swollen and your hearts burning

ˑ༄ؘ ۪۪۫۫ ▹ Zenitsu:

✧ Zenitsu was never silent about his crush and his feelings for you, everyone knew that he was head over heels for you

✧ He doesn't mind showering you in his words, telling you how beautiful you are, how happy you make him, how much he loves you

✧ But when it comes to physical intimacy? Holding hands? Kissing you? The thought alone makes him so giddy he almost faints

✧ He wants his first kiss with you to be as perfect as you are to him but that's impossible - no first kisses are magical which is what gets him panicking

✧ He tries to play it down when you two talk about your firsts and shockingly enough he learns that he's not your first kiss

✧ So you could compare him and if you hated how he kissed? That would absolutely shatter his heart

✧ “Oh I've kissed so many people before!” He laughed nervously after that sentence left his lips

✧ It was so obviously a lie but you acted along, teasing him about it and leaning in, taunting him to show off his skills and kiss you

✧ Of course he leaned away and told you he can't just take your breath away unprepared like that. What if you pass out?

✧ At this point it was hard to stifle a laugh so you pouted “don't you want to kiss me?” You asked slightly dramatic and saw even more panic bubble up in your boyfriend

✧ His heart was beating like the heart of a hummingbird as he felt the sweat build on his palms

✧ “I do but… I never-” he mumbled, fumbling with the right words to say but you looped your arms around his neck, lips dangerously close to his now

✧ “May I kiss you?” You asked sweetly, not making fun of his inexperience but instead of an answer he leaned in, bumping noses with you on accident

✧ Zenitsu was so embarrassed he wanted to sink into the ground but you didn't let him ponder, gently cupping his cheeks and leaning in

✧ The kiss was a little messy, almost sloppy but the shaking in his hands got less, the longer it lasted

✧ And the love struck expression on his face when you pulled away, made you want to kiss him over and over again

[thefrontmanscockwarmer]

Ruined

Player 001 x reader [SMUT] 📸

Masterist <- Comment on this post to be added to the tag list

Note: takes place during season 1, bc the marble games seemed so prefect for him. Also remember that Korea currency is LESS than American currency.

“Come on (y/n)” young il pulled at your jacket sleeve. You asked him to wake you right as you had to get up for the next game.

“Ughhh, I don’t wanna” you whined.

“(Y/n)(l/n), get out of this fucking bed or I swear to all things earthly, I will drag you by your fucking hair”

“Mmm, you’re gonna pull my hair?” You smile.

“(Y/n) let’s go, come on” he says. You reluctantly get up, dragging your feet as you did so. Scowling at him as he scowled back at you. “Don’t look at me like that”

“Like what?” You yawn and stretch

“Like you hate me. I’m your husband, you like having me around.” You and In Ho joined the games as an opportunity to have fun. Fortunately, this was right before the VIPs formally arrived. You and In Ho were just having some fun.

You passed Oh il Nam, remembering that he also joined the game, he was the that extended the invitation to you. The 3 of you had a one way ticket to freedom town after this game, as the next one was surely a matter of actual life or death (it was the glass bridge).

You and Young il split up to find 2 other players to be partnered with, as it would validate your ’deaths’ following il Nams steps.

You faked a loss at marbles, allowing yourself to get “shot”. You were allowed out of the game room and into the hallways on the outside of the isolated room. Tracking through the hallways you walked into yours and In Hos shared room.

Jumping into the shower and letting the past few days wash off of your skin. You took care of your basic needs, scrubbing your face and hair, removing the dried blood that was caked to your neck. Sighing with relief that you were finally clean. You put on your black silk robe and roamed your way into bed, setting up your skin care routine as tea boiled.

You comfortably sat reading your book, face mask on, tea setting to a perfect temperature when In Ho walked in.

“Hi honey” you said as he threw himself onto your thighs. “How’d your game go?”

“I hate my job.” He declared loudly. You played with his hair as he gripped your thighs, tightly. “You know not having you these past few days has been driving me crazy…” he trails.

“Shower first. I do not want 5 day old ball sweat anywhere near me. You’ll screw up my Ph balance” you say, eyeing him. He sighed dramatically. “Don’t be such an actor, go shower. You can indulge in me later.” Another dramatic sigh.

“Fine.” He said before kissing both of your thighs and getting up “You are so spoiled” he told you as he looked down at you. You smiled widely.

“Oh am I?”

“Yes, you are. Laying in silk sheets, in a silk robe, a ₩50,000 face mask, I bet, reading a book sighed personally by the author that I got you, and probably the most expensive tea someone in Korea could buy, laying in a ₩20,000,000 bed in a trillion won building” he lists. “With me, a man whose net worth is over ₩6 billion.”

“Ohhh my goodness, yes I’m so expensive” you feigned sadness.

“I’m gonna go shower. Care to watch me?” He teased, holding your dainty hand in his.

“Only if carry me to the bathroom” you say. He drops his head with a smile.

“Of course” he picked slid the blanket back, and picked you up, carrying you to the bathroom and gently setting you on the counter. He stood off to the side so he could look in the mirror, some blood was caked onto his collar and he had a streak that ran down his neck and onto his shirt.

He stripped as you watched him, his bare body being scanned by your calculated stare. He chuckled as he stepped out of his boxers.

“Like what you see?” He said with a cocky smirk. He stood between your thigh coming in for a kiss.

“I will after you shower” you say laughing as you pushed him back. He held your hand to his chest and kissed you quickly. Smiling as he moved away before you could slap his shoulder. He entered the shower, you could deny, he was gorgeous. The way water dripped down his abs, and how his hair stuck to his head.

“Use the exfoliation scrub, In Ho” you remind him. “You haven’t showered in like a week.”

“Yes, my love, I’m aware.” He replied, grabbing the container and showing you. The water turned off and he opened the glass door, wrapping a black towel marked ‘his’ on it. A wedding gift from your cousin. You stared at his body, his cock slightly hard and visible through his towel.

“Now, I love what I see” you say as he wraps his arms around, pulling you toward the end of the counter. He lays a kiss on your lips as he presses himself against you. A light hum left your lips. He chuckled into the kiss. Trailing down your neck to your collarbone, sucking and marking you as his.

“Am I allowed to indulge in you now?” He whispered, playing with your clit. He wasn’t asking, he was telling. Not having him for days was driving both of you insane, you were surprised you both made it that far without running off and fucking in a corner.

“Please do, Mr. Front man” you moaned, moving your hand to drop his towel. He wasted no time in pressing his cock into you. You moaned loudly as he did, he groaned into your mouth as your tongues danced together.

“God, I needed this” he says between kisses. He thrusted inside you, but differently than you expected. Not rushed, not rough, but in a love making, I miss you sort of way. “Fuck I love you” he said in your ear before attacking your neck.

“In Ho, I’m close” you whined.

“So am I. I’m so close (y/n)” he replies breathlessly fucking into you. He sped up, racing towards your climax, his threatening to burst. You heard a voice in your room.

“Oh, In Ho. Where are you?”

“Fuck, fuckkkk” he drawled quietly. His orgasm ruined, he looked at you before looking away wanting to avoid your of obvious frustration. Denied an orgasm, and it wasn’t even apart of the sex. He pulled his dick from you, a whine of dissatisfaction left you.

“Babygirl, don’t be upset with me” he said pulling on his towel. Grabbing his mask on the counter. “It’s my boss” he said leaving the bathroom. You followed behind him to see Il Nam standing in the center of your room.

“Ah, Ms. (L/n)” il Nam bowed. You retuned the bow.

“How are today, sir?” You ask. You had already seen him, but you knew better than to interact, you could see that he had a poor soul on the hook for failure.

“very well today, I am getting ready to go to the hospital and live my final days.” He exclaimed. There was no evidence of sadness in his voice, almost like he was happy to be gone. “Watch of Player 456, he has goodness in his heart. I hope he wins.” He says to you before turning to your husband. You turned away from the an walked towards the big screen on the far end of the room, turning it on to watch the rest of the players, Player 456 was shedding tears as he walked back to the common room. You faintly heard conversation:

“I am ready to go, In Ho.” The old man said. “Please meet me in my quarters when it is time to leave” you walked over and said good bye to il nam, vowing to visit him at the hospital when he was all settled in. he gave a gentle kiss on the cheek. In Ho held onto your waist, allowing you to remove his mask.

“I’m assuming there isn’t time now to finish what we started.” You stated lovingly.

“No, my dear, im afraid not. We are officially interrupted and our pleasure for the moment is ruined. I have to work” he says looking deeply into your eyes. You could tell he wanted nothing more than to continue the love making you were both so excited for, but work called.

“Come say good bye before you leave, wont you” you tell him, kissing his shoulder. He placed a kiss on your forehead.

“ I will. And, I’ll be back to finish what I started with you” he winked before letting go of you and disappearing into the closet.

[harumasa-wifey]

After watching the harumasa character demo, his lover definitely cuddles him back to sleep after every nightmare he has, giving him kisses and sweet talking him too yk. he's scared about turning and us leaving so we gotta convince him hard abt never leaving him alone too 😔😔 poor bby I can't wait for him to be playable JSJDJS

Rainy night's

Harumasa x Fem!reader

Warnings: slightly angst, mentions of trauma

Note: i am working on this really fun request i got from an anon i really really love the idea and i hope i can present you with something good. For now here is your request anon! I hope you'll like it

A cool breeze flows outside with the sound of the gentle raindrops falling constantly with no sign of stopping.

They laid on the bed under the sheets holding onto the other. You were there whenever he needed to hold him, to comfort and remind him that he is still here.

“I am here haru and you are too”

Your voice gently reminds him of his present surroundings while gently brushing your fingers through his hair as his grip remains around your waist while laying his head on your chest. There was no exchange of words yet the silence was the most comfortable for him.

Those horrible images flashing through his mind yet again.Those hands covered in your blood, the thought that he harmed you or worse killed you made him sick to his stomach. The empty street which was now filled with people watching him as he stood there.

“It wasn't me…”

His eyes shot open to meet yours.

You were fine, you are still here with him. He would never think of even laying a scratch on you.

“Oh you are awake! I was worried”

your hands gently holding his face, your eyes filled with anxiousness and love.

He immediately pulls you in his embrace mumbling endless chains of,

“I am sorry”

“It wasn't me”

“I will never do that”

“Please don't leave”

You hummed in response gently brushing your fingers through his hair soothing him down as his heavy breathing finally came to a close.

“I am still here haru”

“You are still you.”

You said while placing a soft kiss on his forehead.

This is one of those longest and painful night's of his but he is grateful to have you by his side now to share his pain though he does not know how long it will last.

[glossgojo]

haven’t i given enough?

sex pollen miguel o’hara x afab reader

| cross-posted from ao3 | 4.5k

18+

cw: breeding, multiple orgasms, PAST THE POINT IT STINKS, mean dom!miguel, mating press, man-handling, use of “girl”, big dick miguel, size kink, blood, marking, squirting, come eating, dumbification, it’s filthy this is getting rated so fast

plot: miguel comes home infected with s*x pollen and p0rn with barely any plot ensues

“doll are you awake?” miguel stumbled through the front door of his shared apartment. sweat lined his forehead as he held his mask in his hand, his whole body felt hot. the spider-man raked a hand through his dark curls, his head throbbing along with other parts of him. no matter how much water he drank he felt thirsty. he needed to shower, needed to wash off whatever illness was seeping into his bones and taking rest there. ever since he left the lab he had broken into, he had felt this inky feeling take residence in his stomach and spread. he had missed the spot by a hair, only driving frustration deeper into his bones. he gripped his mask tighter as he made his way across the living room to where you most likely slept. it was late and you probably fell asleep waiting for him. besides the fact that his body was like a tightly coiled spring, there was another issue he was ignoring. it felt heavy between his legs and he knew you’d be able to help him in the morning but a cold shower would have to do.

he hopped into the shower, dealt with the ache in his bones and released the coil that felt like a permanent resident in his core. as he stepped out of the shower, toweling off his body and trying to ignore the incessant buzz in his body he noticed his issue had returned. miguel was able to satisfy you multiple times in a night but this was the first time he was hard moments after coming. was it related to the sickness? was it why he had nearly broken a lamppost on the way over after he imagined you waiting up for him to return home?

whatever it was his feet moved to their own accord to where you lay peacefully asleep in your shared bed. miguel pulled on his boxers over his now painfully hard issue and slowly crawled into bed, pulling back the covers enough to see you sleeping only in his shirt. the sight alone made him shiver, a sweat back on his brow as he forced his body to slowly move towards you and pull you as gently as he could back against him. you stirred in your sleep, ever the light sleeper and turned your face towards him. miguel could see in the pitch darkness of the room, regrettably he could make out how your lips parted and upturned at the knowledge that he was holding you.

“you’re home, hi baby.” you mumbled, the sleep subsiding in your body as you felt the hard line of his member pressed against your back. he could feel your body tensing, could hear your heart rate pick up and it took everything in him to not pull your mouth to his. he could even smell your perfect little cunt getting wet for him. you turned fully towards him, your breasts pressed against his bare chest. he pulled in a breath between his clenched teeth, his whole body sensitive to any touch from you. the throb he felt earlier was back in full force, in fact it had only gotten worse since he got closer to you. he couldn’t sleep, not when he could feel his fangs getting sharper and his hunger for you insatiable.

“migs-you are you okay?” you brushed back his hair, feeling the sweat there and placing the small delicate hand on his tensed arm. miguel couldn’t formulate a response he was staring at your soft lips and your gentle hand looking oh so small compared to his arm, and how pretty it would it look around-

a growl escaped his lips and he pulled your lips to his by the back of your neck, you were so pliable, so willing to give him anything, that you kissed back with just as much fervor as him. his fangs scraped your lips and his tongue fought to taste every inch of you, sucking the air from your lungs. finally you pulled away to breath, his lips still insistent on tasting you. he kissed your cheeks, your nose and then finally your neck, his sharp canines grazing the skin there and making you gasp. you shoved at his chest gently, and miguel pulled back to see your flushed cheeks and confused expression. you could still feel his member pressed between you two, long and thick and painfully hard.

but despite that you couldn’t understand miguel’s actions. he usually was so spent after a mission he wanted to cuddle up and sleep, at the most he’d want to wake you up with an orgasm. you switched your bedside lamp on, withdrawing from his hold and taking a look at him, trying to see if his eyes were more red than black. you didn’t see what you expected, you thought perhaps he was hungry and that’s why he was acting like this.

”migs?” you were sat up, letting the lamplight illuminate his features. his eyes were flickering between your chest, your neck and your eyes in rapid succession. his shirt was too large on you, draping on your shoulders and exposing the top of your breasts. you weren’t even sure he was listening, until he stared you in the eyes and sat up too, moving closer as he did.

”think i got infected during the mission, it’s the reason for-“ he looked down at where his hard-on created a tent in the covers. you gulped and nodded. “i tried dealing with it in the shower, but i need you.”

“i’m yours, you know that, use me.“ miguel felt like he fell in love with you all over again as he registered your words. in a fluid movement he pulled you under him, laying you flat on your back as he hovered above you. he pushed his shirt up your body, revealing a lack of underwear. no wonder he could smell your saccharine sweet musk as soon as he touched you.

“dirty fucking girl, were you waiting for me to find you like this?” miguel tutted, getting comfortable between your legs and blowing hot breath over your core. you whined at his tone, knowing you were in for a long night that would no doubt leave you sore. his eyes were a mix of red and brown, pupils blown wide from want and sweat dripping down his brow, you combed his hair out of face wanting to see your handsome boyfriend’s expression before he feasted on you.

he hummed in delight as he saw the bite mark he’d left next to your cunt, scarred and distinctly his on the soft flesh of your inner thigh. his plump lips pressed against the sensitive skin, looking at you as you gasped out, silently asking for permission for what he loved doing every so often. as if you’d ever want any other man like you needed him, miguel liked to keep your scar fresh, let it ache and sting as a reminder of who you belonged to. and you didn’t much mind the sting. you nodded, clutching his strands for something to ground you, silky smooth and soft in your hands as you felt his fangs graze your flesh. he never made the pain last long, biting into your skin quickly, not too deeply. just enough to let his bite mark pebble with fresh blood, lapping at the addictive taste of you, growling as you whined at the sting and rush of miguel fervently drinking you up. he’d told you once that no one in the world tasted as good as you, of course that didn’t just include your blood. “so sweet. me vuelves loco .” you shuddered as he hummed against your skin, still not where you needed him, his sharp jawline grazing where you were practically dripping and you tugged at his hair.

“i get it doll i get it, fucking needy huh baby? do you need my cock that bad?” he lapped up the remaining blood and kissed the raw skin, his hot breath blowing over you throbbing clit. you knew miguel, knew he wouldn’t let you get what you wanted until you begged, until you gave in. he watched your pretty little cunt glisten and clench around nothing, so desperate and wet all for him, all because of him.

“yes yes! i’ve been thinking about it all day!” you finally gave in when he blew cool air on your cunt.

“hmm, about what?” he kissed your clit as a reward, but didn’t move any further, you gasped and bucked, his hands were on his hips in a split second, holding you down. you felt like you were dripping onto your silk sheets, you supposed it didn’t matter, you’d have to change them after he was done with you.

“about your c-cock, wanted you to fuck me until i can’t walk. miss you all the time, need you inside me all the time.” you were babbling now, you meant all of it of course but you’d never admit it unless you were under your lover on the brink of tears. miguel growled at your confession, pulling you by your hips towards his face, his nose rubbing against your clit as his tongue pressed flat against your dripping folds. you whined out his name, his tongue delving into you and cleaning up the mess you’ve made of yourself. miguel was relentless in tasting you, wanted your taste imprinted in his mouth and wedged between his teeth. he’d stay here forever if he could, drawing his name from your lips and drinking in all your ichor.

“m’ close.” you were gonna come just from his tongue alone and miguel could feel his hard-on straining in his pants. he didn’t feel too far off from his own release, the grind of the bed sheet against his clothed cock combined with your pleasure was getting him so inexplicably turned on. whimpers slipped past his canines. just as you arched your back, one of his hands moved down to stroke himself and with a few pumps he was coming in his boxers as you released onto his tongue. he drank you in, fucking you through your orgasm until you were pushing at his forehead. miguel moved back and the dim light reflected over his wet chin and lips. you felt dizzy at the sight and felt like fainting when you looked past his chiseled jawline and chest to where light reflected off the cum on his stomach. you couldn’t ignore the still hard and throbbing cock that was pressed against his stomach. his eyes were narrowed and his chest heaving, he licked his lips and you couldn’t help the whine crawling up your throat. you crawled over to where he kneeled on your bed, pressing kisses to his face, his hands finding your ass and gripping tightly as you cleaned him up. you trailed kisses down his chest, down his abs to where he made a mess of himself and you licked him clean. your mouth watered as you moaned at the taste of him, moving south to press a kiss to his large tip.

“not so fast,” he you pulled away by your hair, your follicles screaming for release. loosening his grip, miguel pushed you down on the bed, crowding you against the bed frame until the top of your head bumped against it. “wanna fuck this pretty pussy, remind you who you belong to.” you nodded fervently, looping your arms around his thick neck and pulling him for a kiss. miguel huffed a laugh at your desperate actions. he was going to ruin you, make sure you couldn’t walk properly for a couple days without the reminder of him and here you were begging for a kiss. you were his sweet dumb little puppy, so willing and needy for him. he appeased you, kissing you deeply as he lined up his tip with your entrance, his slick combined with yours let him slide up and down your cunt drawing all your ichor and catching on your clit. you dug your nails into his back at the feeling and begged for him to move, to do something.

the feeling of your pretty cunt getting wetter just for him and the smell of sex in the room was enough for miguel to push into you, his fat tip bullying your hole and stretching it wide. you gasped at the intrusion, always so big and wide it never got easier when he shoved in. had miguel been a little more in control of himself he would’ve waited more than the three seconds he gave you to adjust but instead he plunged his entire length in, his tip brushing your cervix as he stretched you wide. your cunt ached from the stretch and you felt him throbbing inside you, filling you up. you twitched from the feeling and miguel growled at how tightly you were clenching him. “you’re made for me, fucking slut clenching me so hard i cant move.” he murmured into your flesh and you clenched even more at his words, your slick leaking out of your hole, the base of his shaft wet from your ichor. miguel pulled out slowly, you weren’t easing up your grip, and pushed back in. you went dumb as his cock grazed the spot that made you crazy. he came inside you with a grunt, filling you up and making you leak down your thighs and making even more a mess of himself. but almost as if it never happened he was hard again, your eyes widening at the feeling of him going limp inside you and then filling you back up. miguel didn’t mind, he’d use your sweet little cunt just like he wanted to, no matter how many times he had to.

with that he pulled back out and plunged back into you, the sound of your slick coating his cock and his sticky balls slapping against your ass filled the room. he set a brutal pace, making you scream and claw at his back. he was fucking you harder than ever before, using his strength and speed to mold your walls to his length, your cervix bruising from his pace. you felt a coil tighten in your stomach, unlike any orgasm you’d felt before and without warning you were losing control. before you could realize what was happening you were squirting down miguel’s chest. it was the hottest thing miguel had ever seen, his dick twitching inside you. “que maravilla. pretty baby, i didn’t know you could do that.”

“me neither i’ve never-ah fuck miguel,” the thought of you being driven to squirting because of him made him all the more feral, he shoved your legs over his shoulder and angled down deeper into you, his curved cock taking what was his and hitting that fleshy spot inside of you, making you forget the words that were on your tongue. your head lolled backwards, the expanse of your neck all too tempting for him to ignore. he fucked your harder watched you squirm and cry his name as his teeth graze your unmarred skin. miguel found the soft spot on your neck that made you clench around him even harder, his lips and tongue laving over it making you gasp and whimper his names. before he could warn you, he was coming inside you, plunging deep and filling you up again as his fangs bit down and drew blood from your neck. he fed from you as his cum flowed out of your tiny cunt, dripping down your thighs and onto the sheets. you gasped at the feeling of him draining you of blood, the sting quickly replaced by the dizzying feel of him feeding. miguel used his toxins to quell the pain all the while releasing his load inside you. you were a complete mess, blood trickling down your inner thigh mixed with both of your releases and saliva dribbling past your lips.

after a few more seconds he unlatched from your neck, pressing a few more kisses at the sore skin before pulling out and looking at the mess he made. you were sprawled out, his come slipping out of you in spurts and you had never looked more beautiful. he quickly remedied the first issue by fingering his come back inside, not letting any go to waste, the feeling of you clenching around his finger made his cock twitch. the burn in his body has lessened but it was still there, the need to keep taking you incessant as he hardened again. you whined at the sight.

“you can take it whore.” and you would, you’d let him fuck you for the rest of your life if you didn’t have obligations and other needs. you whined at the feeling of his cock sliding against your entrance again, you were sure your cunt was bruised by how rough he was being.

“let me-“ you moved to sit up, shoving at his hard chest and making him sit. miguel watched your breasts shake as you shoved him down and straddled him, his come slipping out and onto his bare thighs.

“you’re wasting sweetheart, how many times do i have to breed you?” miguel slapped your ass in warning, growling out at a warning and you whimpered, not feeling any more in control even in this position. you slowly lined him up with your entrance and sank down, the stretch not being the issue but in this position he felt even deeper. you felt like he was poking your heart, you couldn’t bottom out, could only take what felt comfortable. you set a slow pace, your thighs burning as you moved up and down his length, the sound of your cunt milking him was obscene and made you flush even deeper. miguel felt your cheeks burn in embarrassment and the way your eyes glazed over in arousal.

“dirty fucking slut, milking me for all i have, you hear that? that’s how wet i make you, that’s my come inside you keeping you full.” he growled into your ear, guiding your hips to move as the sounds filled the room. you couldn’t ignore them, your eyes shutting in shame and miguel huffed out a laugh. you decided to take pay back as your thighs were getting sore and took all of his length, sitting down and grinding on his balls, his cock catching on your cervix and pressing against your most sensitive part. your clit ground against his hips, raw and throbbing from what it’s been through and miguel could feel it against him, could feel you dripping onto him and another whimper escaped his plush lips. you smirked at the sound, reaching up and pulling his lips to yours. he kissed you sweetly, letting you take your time as you grinded on his length. when he pulled back and saw your fucked out expression and felt you clench around him when you looked in his eyes he lost his resolve again. his hands gripped your hips as he pulled you up and down on his length, fucking up into you. you went dumb in his hold, head and eyes rolled back as you clutched his shoulders for support you were babbling and squirming in his hold, tears leaving your eyes from the sting and his rough hold. he was being so mean, so rough you couldn’t help the silent tears slipping down your face as you cried out his name.

finally he came inside, grinding you down and against him where he knew your clit was, drawing you to orgasm as well. your legs shook and you lost sensation in them as you came, leaning against his chest for support as you whined at the overwhelming feeling. “ me tratas tan bien. pretty baby, my princess, my doll.” he moved to lay down, his cock still inside you. you were like a toy, his cock and cum stuffed inside you as you rested on his chest. you brought your legs to lay fully on top of him, looping your arms around his waist as best as you could.

“love you” you murmured into his chest, you were exhausted and miguel could feel it in your voice but he didn’t know when this feeling would go away, you were the only thing making it subside.

“i love you too,” you could feel him hardening again, you knew this small reprise wouldn’t last long but your bones ached and you would revel in the rest. his large arms easily pulled you tighter against him, against the hard planes of his chest and he grunted at the feeling of your nipples grazing his skin. he could feel all of you, he could feel you clenching on him, could smell your sweet ichor and your distinct musk, he could hear your shallow breaths and reveled in the soft plush of your skin under his hold. miguel wished he could just stay here like this with you, but lately he was so busy he felt like there was never enough time.

with his cock hardening again and you catching your breath he switched your positions, you lying down and this time he flipped you onto your stomach. he pulled a pillow under your hips, elevating them as he shoved back into your fluttering hole. you were so wet and messy from his come, the room smelled of sex and you thought you would have to air out for a week for the scent to clear. it didn’t matter, you’d do it all again. miguel was slow this time as he used your body for his release, his hips slapping against your ass every now and then, when you could feel him close he picked up the pace, smacking your ass lightly as he came inside again.

“good girl, taking everything i give you huh?” you nodded fervently, he turned you over to look in your eyes, loved seeing your pupils dilated and watery with unshed tears. his thumb wiped your saliva from the corner of your mouth, prompting you to moan his name, scratchy and desperate. god how would he ever stop coming if you looked like this, all for him. miguel quickly moved your position again, man-handling you once again and you couldn’t bring yourself to care. he placed you on one of his strong thighs as he sat back against the headboard, his hardening cock nudging your own thigh. you were angled so that your legs straddled his thigh instantly coating the hard muscles and dark hair with a layer of slick. he clenched under you, drawing a gasp from your lips and he chuckled at your reaction.

miguel’s hand slowly moved down your chest to between your legs, spreading them and tracing your puffy clit with his fingers. you held onto his arm for support, in disbelief that you could possibly orgasm again. but you didn’t want to be alone, not when his 12 inch issue was back again. you reached out a shaky hand, scooped up some of the come dripping out of you and coated your own hand. miguel watched your small hand wrap around his length, groaning and throwing his head down onto your shoulder as you slowly teased the tip and moved down. his fingers lazily circled your clit, matching the rhythm you set as you traced the veins of his cock and moved your hand up and down. miguel wanted nothing more than to devour you whole, watched as your tiny hand struggled to wrap around him and still meticulously stroked him like you knew he liked. he drew his hand up to his mouth, licking clean the mess your cunt had made on his long thick fingers before plunging three of them deep inside you. you stuttered out a moan, your hand loosening it’s grip but recovered quickly as you picked up the pace. you matched how fast he was fucking you, his large arm caging you against him as you squirmed on his thigh. he plunged his fingers in and out so quickly you were sure his movement was blurring, you gasped and cried out but still you squeezed and stroked his length. you were miguel’s best girl, you took what he gave you and still gave it back, god he loved you.

miguel felt close, stroking your clit with the thumb that wasn’t inside you and watched as you squirted all over his sheets and leg. the sight made him growl, possessive to no end and he pressed a kiss to your neck as he came from your touch. he spilled all over his chest and your hand, eyes closed and groaning into your shoulder as he felt himself unravel. the itching and burning in his bones was subsiding more and more, maybe this would be the last time, he didn’t really want it to be.

“look at the mess you made, límpiala ahora.” you licked his abs clean, then your hand and miguel watched as you did it, grasping your chin and making you hold his gaze. once you were done and satisfied he pulled you up to kiss him, craning your neck to meet his lips as he tasted himself on your tongue. he slowly moved you to get on all fours, your arms and legs shaking from exhaustion and screaming for release as he moved behind you.

“gonna fuck a baby into you, make you walk around with my kid so everyone knows who you belong to.” he was rambling to himself, watching his come still drip out of you and fucking it back in with his cock. miguel fucked into you from behind, you screamed at the feeling, every new angle ripping you open and making your walls flutter. your head bumped the headboard as he pulled back and fucked into you, clapping against your cheeks and making you skid forward on your knees from the force. he was relentless, using you like the pretty cunt you were, coming into you once, twice, and the third time he thought was enough, especially since your arms had gone limp and your voice was barely above a whisper, only his name on your tongue. you were sure you were bloated from how much come he’d pumped into you now, you’d feel him inside you for days to come, feel the ache for at least a week.

maybe subconsciously that was enough for miguel because then finally, he could feel at peace. the disease or virus or whatever it had been was easing out of his body, he was carrying you to the spare bedroom and wiping you both clean. tomorrow he’d let you do whatever you want to him, let you yell at him for the legs that surely wouldn’t work and dots on you like you deserved. but right now he wanted to sleep with the feeling of you stuffed full of his come, still deeply inside you and imprinted on your walls.

[lunajay33]

It’s You❤️‍🔥 Part.2

Summary: You went along with Bella to Italy to save Edward, but when you get there things go unexpectedly and you become mate to the strongest Volturi guard

Pairing: Felix x human female reader

Warning: Mention of blood, bit of angst

Part.1

•Masterlist•

It’s been a week since I’ve been living in the Volturi castle in Italy, for the first few days I stayed in my room that I shared with Felix, the bed was mainly mine since he doesn’t sleep but sometimes I craved for his touch at night to help calm me to sleep

It was late at night and I was ready for bed, Heidi was another vampire I grew close to, she was easy to talk too and made me feel at home, she even went out shopping and bought me a much of new clothes, including the silk deep red night dress I was wearing right now as I was cuddled alone in the bed I so desperately want Felix in but alas he had guard duty

Finishing my book I laid it aside when the doors open revealing the one vampire I was missing, I could feel my heart quicken and my smile brighten as he walked towards me

“You’re back! I missed you” I said jumping in his lap as he sat on the bed, his strong arms quick to tighten around my waist

“Oh how I missed you too amore, what a sexy dress and my favorite color too, such a tempterous” he said as his eyes roamed my body his hands squeezing my hips

“Heidi picked it out, I was hoping you’d like it” I said placing my hands on his hips

“Oh amore I don’t like it I adore it, I adore you” he said nuzzling his nose into my neck, he had admitted that he loved doing this because I was warm and he craved my scent

“I was wondering….i mean only if you want to of course….would you maybe stay with me in the bed tonight? I know you don’t sleep but I want to feel you next to me while I sleep” he raised his head and smiled gently

“I’d be honoured” in a flash he changed out of his daily work clothes into a pair of grey sweatpants and a slim fitted black long sleeve top, his form showing beautifully in this attire compared to the jacket he usually had on, only making me crave him more

Climbing into bed next to me I curled into his side flaring my legs over his lap as my head rested on his arm, his other hand come to rest on my hip, he was hard and cold but god did it feel right

“Sleep my little one, you need your rest”

“You’ll stay right?”

“All night, I’ll be here when you wake” and slowly I drifted off into the best sleep I’ve had since being here

I woke up finally feeling relaxed looking up to see Felix was still holding me with a book in his other hand

“Good morning handsome!” I smiled as I sat up rubbing my eyes

“Morning amore, sleep well? You were talking in your sleep a lot” he smirked

“Oh no what did I say?” Nervously fiddling with my fingers not remembering anything I might have dreamed about

“Nothing crazy just mumbling my name a lot, were you dreaming of my little one?” He asked as he grazed his hand over my exposed thigh

“Umm I don’t remember….oh god this is so embarrassing” I groaned trying to look anywhere but his piercing ruby eyes

“Don’t be I quite enjoyed it, even though I love being with you darling I have to get to the throne room for the day” he said as he stood up and walked over to our shared wardrobe and I watched as he stripped out of his clothes leaving him in a pair of black boxers, his back was muscular and strong, his legs like tree trunks and when he turned his abs had me weak

“Like what you see darling?” He laughed as he pulled on his work clothes

“Was your body sculpted by the gods wow” my mouth agape from awe

He finished getting ready then was kneeling infront of me at the side of the bed

“I’ll see you this evening, I have something special planned, wear something nice and meet me in the gardens amore” he smiled placing a gentle kiss to my hair line before he was gone

Times like this made me feel incredibly self conscious, he was beautiful not a single flaw and I was just a human, my hair had bust offs, my skin wasn’t spot less like marble as his was, my body wasn’t extremely toned like his, what did he see in me?

Grudgingly I dragged myself out of bed and pulled on a pair of casual leggings and hoodie for now, putting my hair into a ponytail and leaving the room in hopes to find Heidi

Thankfully it wasn’t hard finding her in the library as she was sat on a leather couch flipping through a fashion magazine, she quickly looked my way as I head towards her, plopping myself down on the couch beside her

“Y/n! Is everything okay you’re looking a bit down hun” she said as she placed her magazine to the side giving me her full attention

“I’ve just been insecure I guess, I may or may not have seen Felix’s body this morning and he’s just so perfect I mean how does he not have girls hanging off of him and he gets saddled with me, I know we’re mates but I feel like he’ll get bored of me and realize he can have so much better” I said as my face flushed and I could feel the tears well in my eyes

“Oh hun don’t think like that, trust me he adores you, you should hear the way he fawns over when he’s talking with Demetri, he thinks the world of you, he worships the ground you walk on just give it time everything will itself out”

“Thanks Heidi I appreciate it, hey Felix said he had something special planned tonight and said I had to dress nice, and seeing as you’re an expert in everything fashion wanna help me get ready” I asked hoping to cheer the mood and distract myself

“Omg I’ve been waiting for this day! Let’s go!”

Heidi did one last curl in my hair and we were finally done, she had me all dolled up like I was going to a ball

“How do you like it?!” She asked looking at me through the mirror

“I love it thank you so much! I feel like a princess” my dress was a deep grey covered in sparkles stopping at my mid thigh, a black lace cover over my shoulders, my makeup subtle but classy with sparkles on my eyes

“Because you are a princess, now it’s about time Felix will be getting off now go make his jaw drop” she smiled pushing me towards the door

I made my way through the long winding hallways, pushing open the back door finally feeling the fresh night air, the garden glowing with the little decorations the Volturi members each added, suddenly a gush of wind whipped by me, I smiled turning around hoping to see Felix but was faced with someone I wasn’t formally acquainted with, I’ve seen him around sometimes but he was usually lurking in the shadows giving me an unsettled feeling thankfully I was always with Felix but now that I’m alone I felt fear, complete fear as his eyes roamed every inch of me

“Why don’t you look exquisite, and here all alone what a treat” his smirk widening from ear to ear

“Felix is gonna be here any minute you better leave” I said anxiously as I stepped back

“Well I better hurry then” in an instant he was on me pushing my hard to the ground knocking the wind out of me, I tried to push him away but it was no use and I could feel my life flash before my eyes, this isn’t how I wanted to go I didn’t wanna go at all I only just found my soulmate, life was just starting and the only thing I could think of to hopefully save me was scream

“FELIX HELP ME” the scream i let out was desperate and blood curdling but i was too late as pain seared through my shoulder, his death dug deep into my flesh, i could feel my blood run down my back

Almost just as quickly as he latched on he was ripped away, by who I don’t know because the venomous pain coursing through my shoulder was distracting, excruciating, soon Felix was leaning over me panic written all over his face, Demetri on my other side

“FELIX IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP” I screamed again

“You can do it Felix, she’s not ready yet” Felix looked conflicted before he huffed a breathe he didn’t have and sunk his teeth into the previous wound sucking out the venom as soon as that scorching pain subsided I became weak as Felix clung to me

“Felix she’s clean, you’re taking too much” with a snap he was off me, my blood dripping down his face, scared, worried

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you mio amore, I should have been here” he said as he laid my head on his lap

“You saved me Felix, this wasn’t your fault…….I…I love you” I said weakly before I faded into unconsciousness

Waking up the light beaming through the window bothering my eyes, quickly shielding them as the bed dipped beside me

“Thank god you’re awake, I was so worried Angel” I turned seeing Felix, his skin paler than usual, eyes as black as coal which ive never seen before

I raised my hands tracing my fingers over his cool cheek

“Are you okay? You look sick if that’s possible”

“You’ve been out for 2 days I couldn’t leave your side, I haven’t been feeding I just needed to be with you” he smiled pushing my hair back

“I’m okay, a little sore but I’m fine because of you, you still need to take care of yourself too tho my love” he nuzzled into my hand which warmed by heart

“I wish the night went differently I had so much planned for us” he said as he climbed into the bed next to me so I could cuddle into him, everything felt right again

“I had a whole picnic for us, well you mostly, the moon was gonna be illuminating us and I know you love that, then I was gonna present you with a gift I have had with me since I found out about mates millennia ago” my heart pumped with excitement I sat up to look at him

“You have a gift for me!”

“Yes amore here I’ve held onto it long enough, now it’s with the one I got it for” he said reaching into his pocket and pulling out a long thin box

He opened it to reveal a gorgeous bracelet, one you’d never be able to find even in the last 100 years, a unique gold chain with added gold tiny flowers along the chain and at the center a ruby crystal surrounded by more flowers

“Felix it’s beautiful, I love it! Would you help me putting it on?” I asked as I gave him my wrist which he was quick to place the bracelet around

“It’s beautiful on you amore, it was made for you” he smiled as he placed a kiss to my hand like a gentleman

“I love you Felix”

“I love you more than you could ever know little one”

Taglist: @rosaliedepp @parabatai-winchester

[starminzoo]

╭──────────────────✎

╰─▗ ▘➤𖥸 style of seduction

꒰ risa's note ꒱ omg I lost my mind when I saw these pics and had to blow the steam of by sharing a piece of my thoughts with you hope you guys enjoy :D (god ilysm san) (not proof read tho)

warnings: smut, unprotected sex (wrap IRL), jealous behavior, jealous sex? , alot of adoration and appreciation for our beloved Choi San

you have been gripping onto the remaining sanity you have left inside of you but your loving boyfriend is making it hard for you to hold yourself together lately since the pictures he posted and keeps posting on, you had been on edge. you blamed God who made him so beautiful so elegantly, you know he carved him gently and took his precious time in making him oh you were 100% sure. and him being away from you made it more hard for you to control yourself, you just wanted to pounce on him and shower his face with kisses and words of adoration and later on creating a magnificent art work on his gorgeous tanned chest, claiming him as yours because you know several people died, cried and broke up after seeing him like you can't blame them if you weren't already dating him you too would be crying.

but after he landed back in Korea and came home you just did as you had planned but not before providing him with good homemade food and hugs. you both were on your shared bed, him on his back, lips swollen, eyes heavy with lust, hitched breathing, sweaty forehead, mouth wide open as low grunts and groans left his mouth, chest and neck filled to the brim with your love bites, his hands moulding your hips gripping and slapping them as he desired, you were there on his dick like it was your throne, sitting on it like a royalty well in fact you did felt like a royalty your such needy behavior drove san crazy as it was not a sight seen often. "fuck baby slow down we got all nigh- ah fuck" you just moaned in response and you quickened your pace more your ass slapping against his balls, boobs jiggling in face, hands on his chest with nails dug deep in his chest drawing out blood "baby baby I am so close ahh please sannie" a silent help because of the strain you started feeling, hearing your words he stilled your hips for a second before ramming his hips upwards in you in this position he reached more deeper inside you, making you threw your head back in pleasure. loud moans and groans filled the room as you both neared your high just a few more thrust and you both came together. your head rolled forward on his chest as his moved quickly to hold on your back hands pushing away your hair from your face to plant and soft kiss on your head.

after cleaning you both up he pulled you close to him hands immediately holding your waist and started speaking "if i knew my pictures drove you this crazy i would have posted more and sooner baby" he chuckled while you slapped his chest weakly "well then be prepared for more jealous sex then Choi San" " ughhh baby you know I hate it when you call me by the government name" he pouted at you but you just laughed at him before snuggling into the heat his body provided and drifted off to sleep but heard the silent 'i love you' which you responded to with a smile.

[girl-of-many-fandoms]

Ocean Blue Eyes // 2

Pairing: Percy Jackson x Reader

Warning: none

Part 1 Part 2

MASTERLIST

---

From afar Percy could easily make out the silhouette of the girl who unknowingly stole his heart. He couldn't take his eyes off of her as she sat on a log staring out into the horizon.

The cool breeze caressed her skin sending a shiver up her spine. Y/N regretted leaving her zip-up jacket in her cabin but she didn't initially plan to sit here this long. However, when the sun began to set she couldn't leave without taking in the beauty of the sky. Hues of yellow and gold painted the sky as the sun slowly said goodbye to Camp Half-Blood.

It's been a few days since her and Percy shared a moment together a couple feet away from where she currently sat. She vividly remembers the way he stared at her, his touch, the way his soft lips felt against hers.

Percy has been trying to find a way to talk to Y/N. He wasn't sure if he had made the right choice kissing his friend or if he blew his shot entirely. He saw her shiver once more and removed his grey hoodie before making his way over to her.

Y/N jumped slightly at the feeling of something being draped over her shoulders. She didn't have to guess whose jacket now laid on her shoulders as the familiar and comforting scent of her friend filled her nostrils.

"Hey you."

"Hey stranger."

Percy joined her on the log and for a moment they didn't say a word, they just sat in each other’s presence, both trying to figure out how to approach the elephant in the room.

"So uh-"

"I'm so-"

The pair giggled at their attempt at sparking a conversation. The blue eyed demigod gestured for her to go first.

"Ladies first." He said.

"Well...uhh..how have you been?"

"Seriously?" Percy quirked an eyebrow at her with a smirk on his face making Y/N’s cheeks heat up. Y/N nodded her head causing Percy to laugh.

"Fine. For the past couple days I've been trying to figure out if I may have eternally screwed up our friendship and I might have since you've avoided me since then."

"I wasn't avoiding you." Y/N immediately got defensive but Percy proceeded to list out the many occasions she avoided him.

"Oh really? You haven't jogged past my cabin since then like you normally would, you've changed your route. I tried to have lunch with you yesterday but you took off when you saw me heading towards you. You also ditched training with me to train with Clarisse."

Truth be told he was hurt. Hurt by the fact that she chose to avoid him at all costs. Y/N turned to face him and he did the same, their knees now touched each other.

"I only kept my distance because I didn't know how this conversation would go. I wasn't ready to hear you say that you made a mistake by kissing me and that we should remain friends, isn't that what you're going to say?" Although she didn’t show it, she was anxious. She didn't know what words were going to come out of his mouth but she was betting on him regretting the kiss.

"For someone so smart, you're so clueless sometimes." Percy's lips turned up into a smile, watching as confusion etched its way onto her face.

"What?"

Without giving her a chance to think about what's happening, Percy cupped both her cheeks with his hands and pulled her in for a kiss. Y/N didn't hesitate to kiss him back as she gently held onto his forearm.

This kiss was much more intense compared to the last one as they both tried to pour all their emotions into it. Somewhere along the line they both remembered they needed air and slowly broke the kiss. Percy pressed his forehead against hers and interlaced their fingers together.

"Did that say I want us to be just friends?"

"No, not at all."

Percy kissed the top of her head as she snuggled closed into him. He didn't know where this would take them but he knew for sure that he would do anything for the girl in his arms.

As for Y/N, she too didn't know what the future holds but she was certain that they'd face whatever comes their way together.

[pullupinarari]

The house feels haunted [LH]

author’s note: it took me 6 days to write the biggest angst this blog has ever seen. i’m sorry if it turns out to be shit, but this made me feel miserable so I hope yall enjoy it 😭

warnings: there are mentions of cheating and a miscarriage happens in this fic. it’s nothing too specific but there’s mentions of blood. it’s devastating, heartbreaking, and it has a sad ending. if you don’t want to read it, don’t feel the need to announce it. read at your own risk‼️

• masterlist

wc: 13 673 - English is not my first language! Feedback is always appreciated

You were never a fan of storms. You never really enjoyed hearing the sound of the thunder hitting the ground at a forceful speed, with a power that seemed as if it was fed by anger, making you shake in your sleep as if you didn’t feel safe inside your own house. 

The way the lightning would appear like a flash inside the four walls of your bedroom, making goosebumps appear on your skin as your brain would let you know: it’s hitting. It can hit anywhere near you right now, and it can set everything in to a fury of flames around you, burning you alive if you’re not lucky enough to survive, to make it out alive. 

Usually during those nights, your boyfriend Lewis would hug you tighter, kissing the top of your head nonstop while your body would tremble in his arms. He would softly hum a lullaby to you, his fingers playing with your hair gently, letting you know that everything is fine, that you don’t need to be afraid: and if anything happens, he would be by your side to protect you. 

In the middle of waking up and falling asleep a countless amount of times during the night, you could always find the warm comfort of his frame, faithfully glued to yours, ready to embrace your figure a little closer if needed. 

For the past few days, it seems as if your life is being chased by a storm though. After Lewis came back home from being away in a work meeting abroad, your boyfriend seemed distant. His eyes wouldn’t shine as bright as they used to when he looked at you, he was quiet most of the time when he was near you, as if he wasn’t happy to see you again. The intrusive thoughts in your mind were quick to come up with a thousand different scenarios of everything that could be happening for him to be acting so weird lately. 

“Maybe he is preparing a surprise?” , “but it’s not my birthday, nor our anniversary”, “OH, maybe he is going to propose? Maybe he is nervous because he has been thinking about it?”, your mind asks and answers at the same time, your fingers playing with the promise ring on your finger. 

A few weeks before leaving for his work trip, your boyfriend mentioned a couple of times how he would like to “take the next step” with you, how gorgeous you look when wearing white, displaying a teasing wink on his features while the most charming smile would show on his lips. So maybe, he kept thinking about it while being away, missing his girlfriend to the point of wanting to fly you out to his hotel room. 

The anxiety of the unknown would carve on your stomach, trying to read his mind, until he figured out that he needed to be honest with you. 

Ironically, it happened on a rainy day. The drops of water hitting the windows would announce the bad omen surrounding the four walls of the house you have been sharing with Lewis for three years now. 

- I need some space, Y/N. I can’t keep doing it like this. I need time for myself, I need to live my life on my own for a while. I just need to be alone. - he said to you, his words careful to leave his mouth, as if they had been thought and rethought a thousand times, until Lewis found the best way to let them out. With a soft tone, his voice barely above a whisper, it almost felt like he wasn’t breaking your heart in half. 

But he was. It took you a second to process the message he was passing you, but once your brain received it, your instinct was to hold the man’s face in your hands, your fingers caressing his cheeks as your tear-filled eyes would look inside his chocolate ones, trying to read him again, to see through him, to try and understand why this is happening. 

- Lew? No, no, baby please! Why do you want a break from me, from us? Was it something I did? I can do better, I promise, I will try not to be so clingy if that’s the problem, I’ll try to- 

Cutting you off, Lewis’ hands gently grabs your wrists, removing your fingers from his face, distancing your bodies a bit as you got closer to him while trying to find a way to save your relationship. 

- This is on me, Y/N. You did nothing wrong, I swear you didn’t. I just need space for myself, I need to dedicate some time to my mind as well, and I need to do it on my own. - his voice is growing hoarse as he records all the tears swelling in your eyes, falling on the skin of your rosy cheeks, growing redder due to the fire collapsing inside of your body.

You weren’t expecting it. Never, in a million years, were you ready to hear your boyfriend saying that he wants to move on with his life, without having you by his side. Maybe you were wrong, maybe all those nights where you would feed your thoughts with illusions of him proposing to you, deceiving yourself so you can keep your mind busy, denying all the negative possibilities that could happen, maybe that’s what brought you here.

You still don’t know why he wants to be alone, now. Maybe you were always way too busy in your own fantasy to see the signals that might have been there all along, only to be ignored by you. But as he distances himself more and more from you after those last words left his body, you knew that nothing would make him change his mind. 

Packing your clothes with your eyes full of tears was the most hurtful thing that you have ever done. Having to leave the only place that has felt like home for so long, where you would feel safe, with the only person who was able to love you the way you are, with no judgments, no restrictions, no interruptions. 

With a simple bag over your shoulder, having no force in yourself to pack everything right now, you show up in the living room where Lewis was sitting, waiting for you to finish packing. 

His face is laced with coldness, as if it’s almost indifferent for him to watch you leave, to forget about the four years of his life that he has shared with you, three of them while sharing this place where you would call your shelter, the four walls that would protect the both of you, in the embrace of the other’s arms, feeling seen and understood by one another. 

Taking one last look at him, you could swear that you would grab his hand and take him with you to see the sea, through your eyes. The ones where the waves of emotion don’t stop crashing against your skin, leaving indentations along your features, staining your cheeks with their shape as the salty water keeps running until it reaches your chin. 

The deafening silence fills the room. Neither of you knows what to say, but neither of you feels the need to say anything. Just by looking at your face, Lewis can already feel his heart clenching in his chest, and the endless tears leaving your eyes are enough for him to discover how great the sadness of this world is. 

There’s no point in telling you that he is sorry, or how he wishes things could be different. He wouldn’t mean it, anyway. So without a word, he just sees you walking out the door, and out of his life - his brain still trying to figure out if it’s temporary or definitely.

You expected more from your life than to walk out of your ex-boyfriend’s house with just a bag in your hands, a tear stained face and a broken heart. You expected more than to find yourself muffling your cries on a pillow, lying your sore body on a cold bed, one that you don’t recognize, that definitely doesn’t feel like home, the way your sheets used to. 

Staying at a hotel room, all you can do is let it out now to the four walls that don’t know you yet, but are about to become your most truthful confidants. Right now, you don’t want to call your parents, your brother, you don’t want to talk to anyone about what happened. You grabbed your most important belongings from Lewis’ house, and you will go back to pack the rest of your things once you clear your mind and figure everything out. 

But now, it’s just you, the pillow you’re hugging close, and the raindrops hitting the window, your eyes watching them dancing in the glass, while your own drops of sadness leave your body as well. 

The sky doesn’t clear, it’s been heavily grey for some days now, the clouds occupying the entire space on the highness of the atmosphere, never indicating that they can disappear soon. When you look outside, it’s like you get a visual representation of your love life, of your feelings, a storm that’s slowly forming in the midst of your core, changing the promises of your happy future forever. 

And even as the days go by, the agonizing pain in your chest doesn’t cease. Crying yourself to sleep every night, struggling to focus on your work without crumbling down into a puddle of tears. 

You haven’t been eating much, always feeling drained to your core, exhausted all the time, not even feeling like getting out of bed. What’s the point in trying to take one day at a time, if your mind just continues to repeat the pain in your heart, relieving all the words that left Lewis’ mouth when he kicked you to the curb. 

Your body feels weird, weak, but you’re too heartbroken to care. You feel too lifeless to listen to the signs that something is happening with you, constantly ignoring the way your stomach feels off, how you often get nauseous just by looking at food, to the point of ignoring the fact that your period is late. But it’s okay, it’s just a consequence of all the stress and emotional turmoil that you have been going through, your body will - hopefully - go back to normal in a few weeks. 

But it doesn’t. And it’s not until your brother is handing you a pregnancy test - that he went to buy at a nearby pharmacy, after you told him everything that’s been happening to your body lately, that you acknowledge the symptoms. 

Two, bright, red lines. The result that swept you off your feet, changing your perspective of life forever. Your trembling hands hold the test, warm tears paint your eyes as you try to compose your breathing. 

For some minutes, your brain crashes, not understanding if this is good news or not. On one hand, you don’t feel ready to deal with a pregnancy right now, to raise a baby on your own, especially while feeling so hurt and heartbroken. But on the other hand, everything happens for a reason, right? You know how Lewis always dreamt of being a dad, so maybe this could be a sign: a sign of hope, telling you that there’s still something bright out there for you to look out for. Maybe, after breaking the news to him, Lewis might love you again, enamoured by the thought of creating a family by your side, like he used to mention so many times before. 

Some shy feelings of hope tingle in your stomach now, making you caress your belly mindlessly. There’s a baby growing inside of you, after all. A baby that was made out of love, the type of love that Lewis just needs to remind himself of again, to allow himself to feel it beating in his chest while looking deep into your eyes. 

That night, you go to sleep with a mix of emotions bubbling inside of you. The thought of becoming a mum makes an effortless smile appear in your features, happy tears appearing in the corners of your eyes as you imagine how your belly will grow in the next few months, how you are living the true miracle of life, your body sheltering your baby - everything you have ever wanted. 

But still, there’s a hint of unsureness, feeling hesitant to go back to Lewis’ place to tell him the news, to look at his face again after the cold gaze he shared with you last time. Nevertheless, this is his baby as well, and he has the right to know that a little one who is half of him, is on its way - and even if he decides not to be part of your child’s life, at least you did your part, and you can live the rest of your life with your kid without feeling anymore remorse or regrets. But right now, you can only go to sleep with the hope of a brighter tomorrow, of a day where the sun will finally show up, illuminating the most hidden corners of each street, helping to give you a good feeling about what you are going to do.

Surprisingly, you wake up to a heavy rain, the heaviest of the past couple of weeks. The skies are painted in a dark grey, making you furrow your eyebrows at the way the weather seems to match perfectly the way you feel. 

Taking a deep breath, you get ready to leave your hotel room, calling a taxi to take you to your ex-boyfriend’s house. While you’re on your way, you can’t help but notice that insecure feeling pooling in your chest again, how you feel anxious and unsure about knocking on his door again. 

He did ask you to give him some time, you don’t want to disturb him, you don't want him to think that you can’t leave him alone. This is not what this is about, this is about something bigger than just the two of you and the end of your relationship, this is important, way more important than anything else you two might feel or need right now. 

His car is parked outside, signaling that he is home. Trying to ignore the way your heart is pumping blood into your veins at a crazy speed, you take several deep breaths while standing in front of his door, not having the courage to ring the bell. You can feel the hot tears threatening to spill out of your eyes already, but you hold it together, composing yourself to act like an adult, like an independent woman who has a baby growing inside her right now. 

The rain hasn’t stopped and somehow, it keeps falling heavier and heavier as time passes by. Your clothes are wet, your hair is soaked from standing on the front of his house, but there’s a warm hand touching your stomach absently, caressing the little bean that seems to support you so much already. 

With one final deep breath, you finally ring the bell, the anxiety making you fidget, as if you can’t stay still, waiting for him to open the door. Some minutes pass by, and you can’t help but find it weird that he is taking so long to open the door. So, out of urgency, you ring the bell again. 

You decide to look to the road, watching some cars passing by as you try to distract yourself from the fact that you are waiting to see him again. You notice the shadow of a person coming to the door, your heart racing in your chest as you get ready to look into his chocolate eyes again. 

But, as the door finally opens, you find yourself unable to move. Your eyes widen at the sight, your mouth slightly agape, not believing what you’re seeing right now. 

- Who is it, Sophs? - you hear Lewis’ voice, directing your eyes to his frame that comes into sight a few seconds later. 

Sophia, one of your best friends, the one you shared all your life details with, looking back at you with the guiltiest look on her face. Her hair is a mess, she’s wearing one of Lewis’ t-shirts - your favourite one, the one you used to wear every night while he was away for work, the feeling of comfort by being wrapped in his scent always lulling you to sleep in his absence. 

The man grows silent as his eyes land on you as well, not knowing what to do or say in this situation, definitely not expecting to see you, to have you knocking on his door in the middle of a rainy afternoon, only to find him with your best friend. 

A simple towel, loosely wrapped around his waist is the only thing that’s covering his lower body, his bare chest in full display and your vision goes blurry by the amount of tears that soon start escaping your eyes. 

- Lewis… - a shocked, desperate, questioning whisper leaves your mouth, your hand holding your stomach tighter, as if your conscience is telling you that you have something to hold on to, so your knees don’t give out right now.

You take one last glance at both of them, mindlessly showing them a quiet nod, a hurt one, connecting all the dots in your mind before turning your back to the two people that you never want to see again in your entire life, the sight and scenarios running through your mind being unbearable. The screaming feeling in your chest is so loud that you bet everyone around you can hear it, destruction and desperation hitting you again as you run out of his place, using all your strength to escape this horror movie that you got into. 

Your sobs are loud in the middle of the street while your tears mix with the raindrops that find their place in your skin, walking on the rain - feeling so hopeless, on the verge of wishing life to end up right here, right now, because there’s nothing left for you after all this. 

The only man you truly loved, the only one that made you feel cared for, loved, understood, seen. The one you would do everything for. After all the times you cherished him, supported him through his career, holding everything down at home so he could feel free enough to fly high, to conquer the world, even after knowing how you hated to be alone, how you would wish for him to never leave your side. You still did it for him, and you would go through hell to make your relationship work, to see him happy, only for him to feel like the world was his. You knew that was what he had to do, and you would be happy for him as well. Still, you built all your dreams around him, only for him to break it down into ashes, right in front of you.

And now, he crushed your heart into pieces in a matter of weeks, destroying every beautiful memory that you two shared over the years, betraying you in such a cruel, raw way, treating you like you meant nothing to him now, like you never did, actually. 

And your best friend. Sophia, your fucking best friend, the one you’ve known since you were four years old, the friend you grew beside, the one who became your soulmate, the one you would take on every adventure through life, the one you trusted with your life. 

The two together, their bodies entangled in between the sheets, in an unimaginable moment for the three - neither of you wanting things to really happen this way. 

In one last leap of faith, you call your brother, crying to him on the phone, begging to pick you up, not trusting your body nor anyone around you anymore. 

Waking up with a tear-stained face, an exasperated sigh leaves your body. Exhaustion really took over you once you got to your brother’s house, realizing that your current condition doesn’t allow you to run like a madwoman in the rain anymore. 

There’s already a tray of food on the bedside table, waiting for you to wake up, making a groan leave your throat as you hide your face in the pillows. Your head hurts, your mind feels insufferable, your body feels weak. You are not hungry, the last thing you want to think about right now is food. But then, you force yourself to switch your chip. There’s a life inside of you, growing by the day, even if you feel like dying. And if you can’t find the strength to survive for your own well being, it is your duty to do it for your baby. 

And that’s how you try to look at life for the first days, after everything that happened. Forcing yourself to eat, to drink enough water through the day, to go for a walk, to get some fresh air and some bits of a shy sun that insists on showing up from time to time for only a couple of minutes. 

Your loyal support, your brother, never left your side through it all. He was the one scheduling your first doctor’s appointment ever since you found out you were pregnant, wanting to know if his niece or nephew was okay, not wanting your emotional state to cause any damage to the baby. 

Finding out that you are already seven weeks pregnant came as a surprise to you, not realizing how fast time is passing by while you just seem to be living in slow motion. With a numb mind and a sore heart, everything seems harder to process. But nothing could have prepared you for the moment when you would get to hear your baby’s heartbeat. 

The fast, rhythmic sound of your baby’s small heart, creating an orchestral music that changed the entire environment around you, immediately triggering new tears to leave your eyes. But as surprising as it seems, these aren’t sad, heartbroken tears. These are new ones, the kind that you haven’t felt in so long - the happy tears that seem to warm your insides as they slide through your cheeks. 

This is a turning point for you - you can feel it. It’s like the heartbeat of the small life that’s growing inside of you fills your veins with a sense of hope, of a type of love that you never felt, but the one you are needing now, more than never. It seems that the skies and all the gods got together to hear your prayers, your loud sobs and cries, gathering a solution to help mending your pain: your child, someone for you to take care of, to love, to cherish - a little one that will definitely put all of your pieces back together, helping you in ways that neither of you could ever understand.

And now, you realize how real this is. How you have a baby that’s part of you, that you will be able to hold in your arms if you are patient enough to wait eight more months - and brave enough to deal with all the changes that this period will bring to your life. 

Above it all, you understand that you can’t give up - on yourself, on life. You have a higher purpose, something that’s so much more important than just an ex-boyfriend, making every past event seem so small and unimportant when compared to how badly your baby needs you. 

You are its shelter, its home. You are the only thing your child has right now, and you can’t fail the most important role of your life, from now on. Looking at the little bean on the ultrasound’s screen, a gentle smile finally paints your features. There’s your future, your reason to hold on tight to life again, your reason to continue living, the small glimpse of hope that will help you find the beauty in everything again.

It’s with your head lifted and with an undimmed heart that you leave the doctor’s appointment. Feeling lighter than air, your fingers gently wipe the tears that last escaped from your eyes, letting out a sigh that seems to relieve all the weight that has been lying on your shoulders, lately. It amazes you how the little glimpse of life inside of you has the power to change your life in such profound ways. 

You’re willing to change, things really need to change. You can’t just continue to pretend that you’re living, while rotting in bed all day, silently crying to a pillow, allowing your body to immerse itself in these destructive feelings and thoughts. You need to be strong for your child, regardless of everything that happened. 

Lewis is a matter of the past, now. Anything that he might have done doesn't matter to you anymore, it’s not your business to keep him in your mind for hours on end, making you feel like you’re the worst person in this world. 

For the past few weeks, all you did was allow your mind to consume you, your brightness, your will to live. You felt like you were dying inside, but looking back now, you realize how crazy you were for even thinking that. You’re not dying inside, you’re rebirthing, literally creating a new life inside of your body, one that will step on this land and make every flower blossom again, allowing the sun to shine even brighter in your direction. 

With the determination to create a better future for yourself and your kid, you pack your bags, leaving your brother’s house. You thank him for everything he has done for you, and for all of the things that he will keep doing, holding you when you need it the most. But it’s time to start a new chapter of your life, after weeks of mourning the loss of something that was never really yours. 

Moving to a new place, in a new city just thirty minutes away from your family - not too far, but not too close to constantly remind you of your past, you prepare yourself for the new life you will have from now on.

Now, the rain doesn’t show up as much as it used to. Now, the sun comes out for longer, illuminating your desk at your new work, invading the curtains of your new house, playing with your features as it illuminates your eyes, shining in your hair, emphasizing the way your bump grows through the weeks. 

The changes are fast, your body preparing itself to all your baby’s needs. Excitement grows by the day, erupting through you the more you find out about your little savior. 

It’s a girl, you just recently found out, and her name just immediately resonated inside of your mind, of your chest: Hope. The one who came to your life to show you the light, to save you, to guide you through a different path, to mend your heart and shush away all your pain.

Even if there are days that feel as unreachable and lonely as the stars that hang tall on the dark sky of the night, making you sense that you are living only on a few mortal verses of your life, through the pages of the book on your lap, there’s always a calming, warm hand that travels through your baby bump, helping to ground yourself, to let you know that you are not alone, and you won’t even have to feel like you are anymore - you found yourself a life partner, one that will forever be by your side.

Now, you keep yourself busy by buying lots of pink and purple clothes, decorating your little girl’s nursery with soft tones, ones that symbolize peace and quiet, hope and renovation - the sensations she brings into your life. 

You created a photo album for little Hope, one that already has all the ultrasound pictures inside, the beginning of your princess’ life being something so important for you to keep safe inside the pages of the album already. 

Most of your clothes stopped fitting you already, reaching your fifth month of pregnancy. The dresses got looser, your bump developing in the most gracious way you have ever witnessed, like a baby bird, safely nestling itself on its mother’s wing. 

The kaleidoscope of butterflies that erupted through your entire being on the moment you first felt your girl moving inside of you, is indescribable. The proof that every day, you are one day closer to meeting your baby girl, now, finally becomes even more real as your fingers gently touch your belly to meet her soft kicks, meeting your soulmate even before she arrives in this world. 

Now, your smile appears more often on your lips, picking up some flowers from your garden as the sun warms your skin. Even if you don’t have an excuse for most of the goodbyes you had to say when you left your old house, the newfound feeling of peace and love growing inside of you by the second, make everything worth it. It’s just you and your baby girl, your parents and your brother that come and visit you often, and the expectation of a bright future.

Everything truly felt like a dream, until that fateful morning when you woke up with the sound of thunder hitting. It’s been a while since you’ve heard the sound that could make your insides shake with fear, making your heart race in your chest as you were startled by the storm. 

You have been feeling off the entire day, your body was sore, you felt light headed and weak, almost on the verge of passing out if you allowed your knees to collapse. For hours, you felt absolutely exhausted, even if you had just gotten out of bed after sleeping for an entire night. Your stomach felt weird, making you lose all your appetite, even if you would try and force some food inside your body, thinking about your little Hope’s well-being.

Throughout the day, some cramps occupy your lower stomach, igniting a sense of insecurity in your brain. The pain grows more intense as the time goes by, mixing your senses with the dizziness surrounding your head. You try not to think much about it, imagining it can be just a bad day, lack of rest or just something that you ate that wasn’t good for you. But the spots of blood on your pyjama shorts are what caught your attention.

Panic immediately washes over you, sensing now that something might be really wrong, and your reflex kicks in, dialing 911 to get yourself an ambulance, not wanting to wait any longer, before something terrible happens. 

It all happened so fast, it felt like a blur to you, from the moment the paramedics got to your house, to the emptiness inside of you while lying on the hospital bed: surrounded by nurses, IV tubes, different machines connected to your body, you slowly open your eyes, feeling like you have just been sedated. 

Once you regain your consciousness, your hand reaches for one of the nurses’ arms. 

- Is my baby okay? What happened? Someone talk to me, please I need to know what happened. - you plead, only to be met with a sympathetic look on the nurse’s face.  - The doctor will be here soon to talk to you, ma’am, please just try to remain calm. - the lady holds your hand for some seconds before leaving your side. 

You’re in panic, your heart feels heavy and accelerated in your chest, trying to understand what happened, why no one is telling you anything, so your hand reaches for your source of love and comfort: your baby.

Your fingers gently caress your bump, grazing along your skin as you decide to touch your favorite spot, the one where your baby always touches back, meeting you through the barrier of your skin. After some attempts of touching the same place, your heart drops when you realize that your baby isn’t touching back, and you definitely don’t feel her moving in your belly anymore. And, as much as you try to keep calm, convincing yourself that maybe it’s just the effect of all the medication they are giving you, your maternal instinct can’t stop ringing inside of you, letting you know that something is definitely not right. 

There’s not a single detail about the doctor’s face that helps calming you down one bit, once he enters the room. The man has a closed facial expression, looking as if he has been thinking about what he has to tell you. And, deep down, you already knew. 

He takes a stool, using it to sit next to your bed, so he could be eye level with you. There’s a sigh escaping his body, a heavy one, one that doesn’t bring good news attached to it.

- How are you feeling, Y/N? - he asks, briefly checking your vitals on one of the screens beside you. 

You know he is trying to make small talk, trying to find a way to initiate the conversation, until he has the guts to touch the topic he is currently avoiding. 

- Doctor, I just want to know how my daughter is doing. Please, I have the right to know what’s going on. I need to know. - your voice is cracking already, some small tears are making their appearance on the corners of your eyes. Your heart already knows, you can’t keep denying it. At this point, you’re just begging for someone to burst the bubble for you.  - Y/N… There were some unexpected complications, and we did everything we could, but unfortunately we weren’t able to save her… I’m very sorry for your loss. - his words come off slowly, weighted while showing you an understanding look, breaking down the news of a reality that you don’t want to face.

Soon enough, your body is met with an empty, cold room again, the deafening silence filling your veins as you cry out every emotion in your being to the point of exhaustion. Your baby girl is gone. The light of your life, the company that would never leave your side, the reason why the sky would be filled with such bright, beautiful colors at the end of every day. 

What if you die with all of the colours? In the same way that the sky turns black after the sunset, following the clouds that dress the dark blue, turning it into a painful shade of dark grey, reaching black while the moon stands tall in the atmosphere, only to hide behind one of the clouds. In this moment, your life has lost all meaning, all color surrounding your days. After this, what’s the reason to keep going? 

After Hope, the flood in your eyes, pouring from your heart, is everything you have left. Now, you won’t get to see the color of her eyes once you would finally cradle her in your arms, you won’t get to smell her hair, to touch her small, soft hands. Right now, the only thing you have left of her are the thoughts and dreams of all the nights when you imagined what she would look like. But that's just a dream that won't come true anymore.

Even while being in your belly, your daughter was able to hold you, to put together all your missing pieces. She gave you the sleep and all the dreams you needed to survive, every time her small fingers touched yours through your bump, hugging you the way she could. 

Maybe that was the purpose of her short passage through this dimension of life: to teach you more about the purest love that lives inside of us, and not on anyone else. But right now, the only thing you can do is cry and scream, question God and life, wanting to know why this is happening to you. Why did they have to take your baby girl away from you? 

You were never a fan of storms, until you felt the thunder hitting inside of you, wrecking you apart, ripping you to shreds, destroying every good thing that was left of you. And as the rain outside grows heavier, your heart can’t help but see them as the tears of your little one. The drops falling outside, hitting your window, are the tears of the ones who left already, missing their loved ones who stayed in this world - that are missing them in the same way, especially the ones who left way too soon, like your little princess. 

He doesn’t really know why, but ever since that rainy afternoon when you ran away from his house with a tear-stained face, Lewis was left with a heavy heart, like the echo of thunder - one that hasn’t left him for the past five months, constantly pumping inside of his chest, not giving him any rest.

He regrets what he did to you, he truly does. There’s not a day that goes by where he doesn’t think about you, and there’s nothing more that he wants than to talk to you, look into your eyes again, letting you know how sorry he is: for the woman who left his bed, for making love the way he saved for you inside his head. 

Lewis still dreams about you, every single night. And since you are no longer next to him, all he wants to do lately is lay down, so his mind can bring you closer to him again, making it seem like all his mistakes have been erased, holding your figure in his arms gently like he used to love so much. 

But, every night, he ends up being tortured by his own mind, his guilty conscience not letting him rest while he replays every single thing that happened on the last day he saw you. Every time he washes his body, he thinks about the way his limbs were entangled with another woman’s, in between the same bed he used to love you in. Looking back now, it wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth losing you, over some stupid one night fantasy, trading the love of a lifetime for someone who he never wants to see again, after his mind captured the heartbreak in your eyes. 

When he lies in his bed, his mind wishes your scent would still be in his sheets, calming down his racing heart to sleep. And it could be, having him not decided to bring another woman over - losing every bit of your existence that still lingered in his place.

His heart shrinks in his chest every time he remembers every detail of your skin, the precious features he used to hold safely in his hands while his lips would shower you with love. It’s you: the one for him, the missing piece in his heart, the half of his being that seems to disappear and never come back again. Your silence destroys him, and even while being blocked on your phone, he still insists on dialing your number every morning, almost falling in love with your voicemail message that seems to never abandon him, repeating your voice over and over again, even when his mind threatens to forget about it. 

Deep down, he knows he lost you - for good. But, for some reason, inside his mind, it’s like you just said ‘be right back!’, like you would tell him across the living room, when you would go out to do some grocery shopping. 

And even if he knows that he lost you, and that you don’t even want to look at his face again after everything he did, his heart can’t help but force him to wait, patiently looking at the dry flowers that you used to water before you left, that ended up dying, like all the love you held for him - waiting for you to open the door again, flashing him your bright smile at the sight of the love of your life lying in bed, waiting to cuddle you, so the love between your bodies can blossom again, the house can feel as bright as before, the flowers can come back to life. 

It hurts him to realize that you said goodbye, even after not really being here. Not talking to him, not wanting to hear everything that he has to say to you after you caught him in the most shameful moment of his life. And just like a fallen fighter, lying on the ring, waiting for the empty room, Lewis still waits for your love, even if that’s the last thing he will do with his life. 

There’s still some loose notes that he found around his place, love notes that you used to write him before you left for work, so your boyfriend could wake up to some loving messages from you - that and that he makes sure to keep reading on a daily basis now, to remember how much you used to love him, and how he managed to lose the most precious thing that has ever appeared in his life. 

I have the name of a flower when you call me. But, when you touch me, I don't even know if I'm water, a girl or an entire field of flowers that has crossed through me. - another letter reads, making tears tingle in the man’s brown eyes as his soul feels emptier by the day, when you’re not by his side. 

It’s hard for Lewis to pull through every hour of every day, knowing that you’re not in his life anymore, the reason why his heart would beat faster, making everything seem so dull without your giggles as the soundtrack of every moment you two would share. 

But nothing could prepare Lewis for the instant he ran into your mother. It was supposed to be just a normal, quick trip to the nearest pharmacy, so he could buy some vitamins, feeling a cold starting to get to him. 

His eyes darted through the space while he waited for someone to call his number in line. And that’s when his eyes landed on your mum, the nice, sweet lady that always accepted him in her family, as if he was her own son. 

Her hands are full with different boxes of pills, and his eyebrows furrow - could she be sick? Her face doesn’t make it seem like the lady is sick, but instead, she looks rather down, and he can’t help but notice how she’s all dressed in black, almost as if she was mourning the loss of someone. 

His heart can’t help but hurt at the thought of something happening to you, but he doesn’t feel the courage in himself to reach for the woman, to try and ask what happened, not after all the damage that he caused his daughter. 

Even if he tries not to stare too much at her, your mother recognizes him when she’s getting ready to leave the pharmacy, and she’s the one approaching Lewis. He can’t help but feel himself growing afraid of what your mother is about to tell him, this being the first time he gets the chance to talk to someone from your family, after everything that happened. But, somehow, the woman’s sad eyes let him know that she’s not reaching out to berate him.

- Hi Lewis… I don’t mean to bother you, but there’s something that I think you should know. - your mum’s tone is serious, alongside her closed facial expression, and that’s enough to startle your ex-boyfriend even more, growing worried that something actually might have happened to you. 

Walking outside the pharmacy into a secluded corner of the parking lot - trying to escape the heavy rain that insists on falling from the sky, Lewis keeps noticing how your mum’s breathing sounds heavy, like she is carrying all the weight of the world on her shoulders, and his anxiety just continues growing in anticipation. 

- Is everything alright, Carol? - Lewis asks, trying not to pressure the woman to talk, but feeling his nerves boiling with concern. 

His ex-mother-in-law takes a deep sigh, looking him in the eyes. 

- You were an absolute prick for what you’ve done to Y/N, everybody knows that. But still, I think you have the right to know, since you were the father… - your mum speaks softly, but still with some bitterness evident in her tongue.

Lewis’ face immediately scrunched at the word ‘father’. He was the what? 

- Excuse me, what? - he can’t help but interrupt your mother’s train of thought, not understanding what she’s trying to tell him right now.

The thing is, your mother knew that Lewis’ didn’t know about the loss, but she thought he knew that you were pregnant. But no, he didn’t. He didn’t know anything. And it takes a second for her to realize it, but once she does, a deeper sigh escapes her lips. 

- Y/N was pregnant, Lewis… when all of that happened between you two… She was already carrying your child, she found out when she was six weeks pregnant. I thought she had told you. - the woman briefly explained, making Lewis’ eyes widen, his mouth hanging open, at a complete loss for words at what he is finding out, now. 

No, you didn’t tell him, and now he understands why. That morning, when you showed up at his place, you were going to tell him. But you ended up not doing it, due to the miserable picture that you met once the door opened. 

Lewis forcefully closes his eyes, wishing things could go back to normal once he opens them again, but they can’t. There’s a whirlwind of new information swirling around his brain, and he is struggling to keep up, to let it sink in, but he feels like all the air just got ripped out of his lungs. However, there’s still more to come. 

- No, I didn’t know, unfortunately. But, you said she ‘was’...? - These last words leave his mouth slowly, a whisper that he is scared to unravel if he speaks louder, not wanting to come to terms with a harsher reality. 

Carol just nods her head ‘yes’, visibly growing emotional as Lewis feels his entire world collapsing around him, now. 

- There were some unexpected complications… Y/N rushed to the hospital, she said she was in a lot of pain, the doctors admitted her immediately… But unfortunately, they couldn’t save the baby. Her name was Hope. Your daughter, my granddaughter. - your mum is now fully crying as the pain still feels fresh on her skin. The woman covers her eyes with her hands momentarily, while Lewis is just looking around in pure shock, feeling some tears showing up on his eyes as well. 

He feels a part of himself dying as well, just by knowing that he was going to be a dad, a girl dad, his biggest dream ever. The love of his life was expecting his baby, and not only was he dumb enough to waste everything you two had, but he also wasn’t by your side while you were going through the worst moment, the greatest loss of your entire life. 

And for some seconds, your mum and Lewis just silently share the tears escaping their eyes, the man not really knowing what to say after this bomb that just dropped in his chest. 

- Was there someone else with her? - he finally speaks up, not knowing if you decided to restart your life with someone else, or if your family was by your side through this hard time.  - She only told us about it once she left the hospital… We went to visit her after, but unfortunately she was there all alone when all that was happening, oh my poor baby girl. - the woman’s cries are the ones of a mother who couldn’t protect her daughter, be there for her when she needed it the most… just like the sobs leaving your body every night, because you were not able to save your princess. - But believe me, Lewis: that baby was a little fighter. Just like her mum. 

His hands rub his face, a sigh escaping his figure now as well, not really wanting to believe that all of this is real. 

- And how is she? -  Lewis asks, thinking about your state, how you must be feeling terribly, how badly you must need someone to be by your side, and how desperately he feels the need to reach for you, to mourn the loss of the angel that was half of you and half of him. - These are for her. - your mum shows him the meds she just bought. - Physically, she is still recovering, but emotionally, she is absolutely destroyed, Lewis. I am afraid that I lost my little girl forever, as well. She will never be the same again. - your mother can’t help but share a hug with Lewis, the man who loved you, who made your sparkle shine for so long, the one everyone thought would be your ‘forever’. And also the one who lost you as well, without any chance of getting you back.  - Anyway, my son will be visiting her tomorrow, so he can bring her this medication, and right now, the only thing we can do is give her time. It will take her a long while to recover from all this. - the woman says, wiping away her tears as she tries to compose herself. 

At her words, Lewis’ brain lights up with an idea. 

- Can I come with him? Please, I need to see her. I need to see her more than ever now. - he pleads, seeing the way your mum’s face closes again, her features so similar to yours, definitely not thinking it’s a good idea. - Please, Carol. You said it earlier, I have the right to know, I have the right to talk to her, at least one more time. It was my baby as well, and I didn’t even know anything about her! -  Lewis insists, trying to get the woman to give in to his begging.  - Well, we all know why you didn’t know a thing about your daughter, Lewis. - the words hit him like a ton of bricks, making him go silent for a minute, knowing that she is right. He didn’t know anything about his child, because he made the dumbest, worst mistake of his entire life. 

But, if there’s something that Lewis might be thankful for, is the soft spot in your mum’s heart for him. Deep down, she just wished everything could go back to normal, to the way things were before, so she could look into her daughter’s eyes and see the sunshine on them again, instead of having to deal with the pain of seeing you so miserable. Your mother doesn’t know how you are going to react to the sight of Lewis being in front of you again, but she can only hope that maybe it might help you in some way, softening your broken heart, as you share the pain of losing something so dear to both of you, that you never got to meet. So, sighing, she gives in. 

- Okay, maybe you can go with Simon. But if you mess this up one more time, I’m never looking at your face ever again, Lewis. You need to keep in mind that this is partially your fault, as well. You can’t just meet her and think that you will win my daughter over again, because that won’t happen. I’m warning you. - the woman says to him, before finally entering her car and driving away. 

Lewis walks inside his car as well, taking a deep breath as he leans his head on his seat. Finally, the tears fall free from his eyes as he allows himself to feel everything in his bones. Every information, every mental image of you pregnant, suffering alone, losing your baby.

And he wasn’t there. And he didn’t know about it. He wasn’t there to go with you to your doctor appointments, to hear his daughter’s heartbeat, to caress your belly, to rub your feet once they started swelling, to hold your hair back when your morning sickness got the best of you. He was the father of that baby. He should have been there all along, by your side. And he didn’t, because of one dumb, unreasonable decision that he randomly made on one night, just because he was feeling bored to spend the night alone. 

Now, everything makes sense. Your hand in your belly once he saw you at his door, the regret, pain, splattered all over your eyes as you took in the scene unfolding inside his house, the definition of another woman’s touch on his body. 

He feels sick to his stomach, grossed out by himself, not bearing to be inside his own body right now. The man punches the steering wheel one time after the other, sobs and screams leaving his frame as he feels an inexplicable anger growing inside of him. But he is not angry at you - he could never be. He is angry at himself, at his actions. 

What if he had chosen to run after you, on that rainy afternoon? What if he had decided to follow his gut, that was telling him to meet you, to not let you go. Maybe things would be different - or not. At least, maybe you could have told him about the pregnancy, maybe he could have been a bit more involved in your baby’s small existence. 

But instead, he decided to leave you alone, not wanting to put salt in your wounds even further. Little did he know that he was just starting a storm inside of you, leaving you to deal with the consequences of it all by yourself. 

The raindrops are loud when they hit his car windows, almost as if they’re trying to muffle the loud cries escaping the man’s body, so the world couldn’t hear how destroyed he is right now. 

When you needed him the most, he didn’t show up. He didn’t feel any urgency in coming to your place after promising you the future and ripping every shred of hope out of your soul, playing with your feelings, stringing you along and masking it as if it was nothing, seeing the desperation in your features, the hurt painted in your eyes, so devastatingly that it could send bullets straight to his chest.

The only thing he gave you was the discouragement of a broken heart, of a lonely soul who lost everything it once had. But desire is the limit of the mere mortals, and wishing he could make it different right now, is the only thing he can do, but it won’t change a thing. He ruined the most important thing of his life, and above all, he lost the chance of growing the happiest of families by your side, ruining it so hard that he didn’t even get to meet his daughter. 

Your mother’s words echo through his mind. A little fighter, just like her mum, and he can’t stop thinking about how life has been so cruelly good to him lately: standing high on podiums, travelling through the world, succeeding in each task he would dedicate himself to. While you were suffering, in pain, crying, alone, bleeding for your baby, losing part of yourself in the process, while he had no clue about what was going on: his daughter, that would desperately need a father to hold her, to protect her, to lull her to sleep. One that never got to touch her mother’s belly to meet her small hand, to speak to her, to kiss her through the skin on the bump she comfortably used to lay. One that she didn't get to meet while she was still breathing. 

How could he dare to even feel an ounce of happiness in his body, even when his mind would feel heavy with the thought of you? While you were yelling out of desperation, the sound almost reverberated in his lungs, making him feel like something wasn’t right. While you were trembling out of agony, feeling yourself dying in seconds on that fateful day. Only to be heard, comforted by strangers. When he should have been there, he should have been better to you.

And on that night, Lewis can’t even fall asleep. Tears keep falling free from his eyes as it almost feels as if he can hear the sounds of your screams echoing through the walls of his house, in the same way they reflect all the tears that escaped your eyes on the last days that you’ve been to his place.

His house feels haunted, by the thoughts of everything that you had to go through alone, and by the idea of him being father of a soul that briefly passed through this earth, but that he didn’t get the chance to meet.

His daughter, Hope. What a beautiful name you chose for her, Lewis couldn’t have chosen a better one. His mind rushes to put your features together, so he could maybe try and imagine what his princess would look like, if she has had a chance to breathe in the scent of all the flowers in this land and feel the rays of sunshine hitting her soft baby skin.

After the storm, lightning stops radiating through the skies, only reverberating inside of you, after taking your baby away from you. Every time it rains, you picture your baby’s cries, how you could nestle her on your chest, kiss her forehead softly and calm her down. And when the rain stops, the calm that remains is more of a void than a relief. 

Three weeks have passed by since your baby girl’s heart stopped beating. Three weeks of immeasurable pain, missing her, her touches, her company so, so much. Right now, you have nothing to hold on to. So you just force yourself to stay until late at your office, glued to your laptop screen, filling all your hours with work, so you can forget about everything else, so your mind doesn’t have enough time to think about anything else. 

Everyone else around you would say that you have been acting like a robot, lately. Living on autopilot, burying yourself in work duties, getting little sleep, eating late at night inside of your car - in the rare moments that you remember that you need to eat.

It’s not as if you don’t want to eat nor rest. That just doesn’t seem to be a crucial part of what surviving means to you, lately. Life took away from you the most beautiful things you once had. Your relationship, that used to feel like a dream. Your baby, that came to you to save you, to be in your arms and glue all your broken pieces together. Now, you are left with nothing.

The only reason why you keep pushing through the days, is because you need to. In your mind, you are the common factor to both losses you suffered in the past months, so maybe you are the problem. Maybe you aren’t good enough to keep anyone by your side for long enough. 

Maybe you did something so wrong that Lewis just grew tired of you, wanting a break from you and everything you represented in his life. And maybe that’s why your baby couldn’t stick around until her time came to meet this world, to meet you: her mother, who carried her alone until her last breath. 

Not a day goes by where your eyes won’t shed some silent tears, but ever since you lost the light of your life, you feel so lifeless, that it’s like you can’t even feel a thing inside of you anymore, just letting the tears fall free while barely feeling them on your skin.

You feel like your baby can be watching you from above, like the little angel she is. Maybe that’s why you haven’t given up on life yet. Hope can definitely see how bereft you are, noticing that you haven’t been doing too well. This is not the mummy she knew and loved. The mummy she met was healing, thanks to her. It had a lighter heart to her, and was on the way to find the peace of mind that she so desperately deserved and wanted. Mummy smiled more, especially when Hope would stretch her tiny hand to talk to mummy. 

But that’s not who you are, anymore. Once again, you are left with desperation, with your broken, empty heart to hold, to try and mend. But you’re not mending it anymore. You just keep living because you deserve to suffer, you deserve to take all the punishments from not being able to save your daughter, to be there for her when she needed you the most. Your body failed her, and that’s why she’s no longer here.

If you are telling the truth, you hate that you are here again: in this dark place, in the middle of a void that doesn’t allow you to breathe, living through the struggle of just wanting to cave, never wanting to fight, dying inside. Of being lonely all the time. You should say sorry to the friends you’ve lost due to your isolation, to your family, from pushing them away most of the time. 

You regret a lot of things and you owe a lot of apologies to a lot of people, but mostly: you are sorry to yourself. This was never your intention, this isn’t how you wished your life would go. And you could promise you will get help and actively start trying to live. But that would be an empty promise. And you just truly are sorry that you lost yourself for good, this time. You wish you could fall into a deep sleep, begging for someone only to wake you up once all of this is over and the old you has reappeared. But for your old version to show up, you needed to have your baby girl in your arms. There’s no way you can be yourself without Hope close to you. 

You need time, of course you do. But that won’t bring you back. With time, the rivers and the hills will come closer. And with time, the thing that will start eating out of your hand and nest in your bed, is just one: silence.

In the afternoon, Lewis feels the anxiety running through his body as he gets ready to hop in the car with your brother, Simon - another person he hasn’t seen since you two had broken up.

The car ride is filled with an uncomfortable silence between the two men, neither of them speaking much besides the time when your brother told Lewis how you decided to move to this small town, around thirty minutes away from your parents house. 

Apart from that, they don’t really quite know what to say to the other. Your ex-boyfriend notices how Simon is also dressed in black, just like your mum was, and he looks down at himself, noticing how he unconsciously chose a pair of black jeans and a dark grey sweater, feeling like he lost someone important to him as well, even if most people don’t think he has the right to feel this way.

Lewis can feel this tension growing in between them, feeling in his bones how your brother is resenting every single thing that your ex-boyfriend did to you, realizing how hard it must be for Simon to sit beside him again, especially while driving him to meet you. 

If he was being honest, your brother was against this idea of Lewis knowing where you live right now, of him going there to interrupt your moment, thinking he can even feel half of all the pain that you have been through lately, most of it being caused by him and his selfish, self-centered attitudes. 

Knowing you like the back of his hand, your brother is sure that you won’t enjoy Lewis’ visit. But maybe, just by looking deep into your eyes and seeing the way you will reject him, will make the man finally back down, giving up on bothering you even further, on finally leaving you to try and recover. 

When Simon finally stops the car, Lewis’ heart races in his chest, making him feel so small and insignificant when compared to the importance of this moment right here, right now. Leaving the car, he follows your brother, who walks inside a dark green gate, leading to a small garden in front of a house. 

Unlike every other day, today isn’t raining. The light grey clouds are still standing high in the sky, but there’s a glimpse of sun in the horizon, one that gently lights up the day. Lewis finds your silhouette, sitting on a bench, your eyes fixed on the timid sun rays that seem to entice your gaze. 

Your brother is the one taking the first step, walking to the front of you, so your eyes can meet the guy who never left your side through it all. You slowly get up, wrapping your arms around Simon’s body gently in a warm hug, the only source of comfort that you allow yourself to feel from time to time. 

Simon is looking back at Lewis, and you follow his eyes, turning around to feel your world squeezing your body, tightening around you to the point it hurts to breathe, with the unwanted presence of the man who threw the first rock that made your glass start to shatter, until it completely broke down. 

Lewis is completely silent and frozen in place, like his mind has forgotten all about words and movements. He can’t believe his eyes. The first sight of the love of his life, after five months of not seeing each other, is brutal. You are all dressed in black, looking thinner than the last time he saw you. Your hair is longer now, and you use it to cover most of your features, but the dark bags under your eyes are still evident. 

In a silent exchange of glances, neither of you dares to say a thing, until Lewis finally feels the strength in his legs to slowly walk over to you. His steps are heavy, contrasting with the way his knees feel like they could buckle at any second. And when he gets as close as he physically can to you, his eyes meet yours again. 

The eyes that once held all the hopes and dreams of a life by his side, that would shine in the moonlight, while lying next to him in between the sheets of his bed, the ones who used to mirror all the love stringing along both of your bodies. They are, now, as empty as a dark, abandoned street, whose most hidden corner can’t even be recognized at night. The eyes that he once knew how to read as if they were his favorite book, are now the ones who scare him, the void inside of your soul visible through the gate that your gaze allows. 

Lewis’ own eyes are flooded with tears now, not even caring about wiping away the tears that fall down his cheeks. His trembling hand is slowly reaching for your face, gently putting some strands of hair away from your features, so he can see you in your plenitude: the emotionless expression, the dark eyes that seem lifeless. When his fingers start caressing your cheek lovingly, his breathing gets caught in his throat, noticing how cold your body feels against his touch. 

- It’s me, Y/N… I’m here, love. I know it took me a long while, but I’m here now. - he cries, only to be met with silence from your side. 

You don’t mind replying to him, not feeling an ounce of any feeling or sensation through your body. You don’t hold any grudges, any remorse. You’re not angry nor sad at him anymore. To tell the truth, you don’t feel any kind of emotion towards Lewis anymore. The only feeling that you allow to inhibit inside of you, is the pain and guilt of losing your baby, of not being able to protect her, as you were supposed to. And that’s the only thing that makes you feel angry at yourself: the heaviest weight that you will carry forever on your shoulders. 

So you just stay silent, even if the man in front of you is begging you to say something. There’s nothing to say, there’s nothing to do after every event that took place in your life for the past five months. Instead of speaking, your eyes just try to look through him, inside the soul who you once thought to be yours, but that, in reality, it always belonged to the world, and never to only you.

Lewis’ eyes dart from your face to your belly, and his hand yearns to land a small touch on it, as if he will get to feel the heartbeat, the movements of his daughter that he didn’t get to meet while he could. However, the man prevents himself from doing it, trying for a second to imagine the indescribable amount of pain that gesture would bring you. 

Breaking down in front of you, the man crumbles, wrapping his arms around you tightly, bringing you close as his head rests on the crook of your neck, sobbing into your frame. This used to be his favorite place in the whole world: your neck, your chest, where he would search for your warmth, where he used to lay his head to drift off to the most peaceful of all sleeps when he desperately needed a rest, one that would allow him to switch off all the worries inside of his brain. That’s the power you used to have on him. 

And now, he can’t even feel the softness of your skin anymore, being met with the barrier of the black turtleneck you’re wearing, feeling like a wall made of stone, preventing him, and the rest of the world, from getting access to you again.

Underneath the fabric of your shirt, he knows what he would find: the sharpness of your bones, the coldness of your fragile body that has been through so much, instead of the enticing scent of yours, the collarbone lines that were once soft under his lips. 

Still, he holds you as close as he possibly can, almost trying to glue all your pieces back together, but he doesn’t feel your arms wrapping around his body at any moment. 

You are staying still, your arms on the sides of your body, limp, without a reaction. You don’t reciprocate his touch one bit, not feeling like you should try to console someone who simply decided to leave your life. But still, you allow him to find his home in you again, even if it’s just for a brief moment, while his face is ducked in the crook of your neck, hiding from his actions, from the world outside of this moment. 

Your eyes are staring at the emptiness of the air, noticing how numb you feel as you hear the man’s loud sobs and cries, feeling how his arms are desperately touching your figure, scared that you might run away again if he lets go of you, scared that he might drown in his sorrow if you don’t hold him up. But his pain doesn’t mean anything to you anymore. It’s not yours to deal with anymore. He wasn’t there for you when the most painful tears were staining your crimson cheeks, when your throat hurt from screaming so loud when you lost your baby, when you bled for days, only to deal with your destruction by yourself. 

And after giving him the bit of home that he can still find in yourself for a moment - even if you feel like you have nothing else inside of you to give, you finally take a step back, leaving his hold, his touch. 

Lewis is left clutching the air, his breathing ragged, a shocked expression on his face. Desperation fills the man’s body, destruction coming along with it because this wasn’t just a step back from his hold, and he knows it. He knows how badly he fucked up, he knows the pain he caused to your life. You’re no longer his, and he knows what that step back from him actually means: for as long as you’re breathing, you will never be his again. 

- I know you were going to tell me about the pregnancy, and we both know why you ended up not doing it. But baby, you should have come to me either way, after everything that happened. I should have been there for you, it was my responsibility to be there for you, my love. - Lewis’ face is stained with tears as he tries to reason with you, feeling a heartache so strong inside of him that could kill him right then and there. 

His voice is gentle, even if he’s hurt. Your presence is making him feel so guilty that he tries to use the loving pet names to make you soften up a bit more for him, reminding you of what you two once had, hoping it could help ease the heavy weight on his shoulders, alongside the agonizing pain in his chest.

But again, his tears and begs don’t make you feel anything. 

- It was my loss, so it is mine alone to deal with. - you say, your tone hoarse and cold. The first time he hears your voice again, after so long, without it being through your voicemail message. And your words sting, hard, in his heart.  - It wasn’t only your loss, Y/N… I was the father of that little girl. I had the right to know, to hear her heartbeat, to see the ultrasounds, to dream about a life with her in my arms, just like you did. - the salty tears don’t stop falling from Lewis’ eyes, feeling completely wrecked by the moment, by your harsh words. 

For a moment, you look down at your hands, fidgeting with your own fingers while biting your tongue, finding no point in arguing, in letting him know all the harm he caused you. He’s not stupid, he knows all about that. Your gaze travels through your ring finger, that still has the tan line of that damn promise ring he gave you, one that you wore for so many years - and a bitter chuckle escapes your lips, remembering all the empty promises he made, but never kept. 

- She stopped being your daughter the exact moment I went to your place to let you know I was expecting, only to find you lost in another woman’s arms. Mind you, not just any woman, but my childhood best friend. All of that because you needed time away from me, right? Because you needed a break. - your words are sharp as a knife, and you nod your head at his silence now. - Exactly, Lewis. You were never her father, you didn’t deserve to know anything about my daughter. And I’m devastated that I lost her, it’s a pain that will never stop haunting me, but if I’m being honest, I’m so glad I never had a baby with you. 

It’s like the entire world collapses around Lewis, his heart feeling like it’s being punched over and over again by you, collecting every consequence of his actions, drinking the tears that never stopped spilling from his eyes since the moment he saw you. 

Turning your back to him, you grab your coat from the bench. 

- Tell mom and dad I love them. - you ask your brother, hugging him one last time before entering your car. 

Lewis is left a sobbing mess, his body almost giving in as he is the one sitting on the bench now, hiding his face in his hands as he lets out all the sorrow spill from his body, through the endless tears escaping him. 

This is it, for him. It’s the end of a dream that he prayed so hard to get back, but that slipped through his fingers, on his own will - he destroyed his own world. And right now, it doesn’t matter how he might scream loud and feral, pouring out his rawest emotions, how badly he might sob, missing you to death. He doesn’t do it for you anymore. And even if, deep down, you still love him, it doesn’t really matter anymore, because the two of you will never be in the same room again.

Your name slips from his lips a countless amount of times, whispering it as if it could bring you back, asking God why?, only to be met with the silence surrounding him, matching how silent you went when he hugged you, not feeling magnetized to him anymore - that silence that could be heard from afar, sounding louder than all the heartbreaking screams you let out on the day you lost your little light. 

Now, the sun won’t shine as bright as it used to before, for him. The flowers won’t have such beautiful colors, the earth won’t move so graciously. If the power of the understanding between two souls doesn't change the world, definitely no part of the world is exactly the same after two souls understand each other. And how badly does he miss the times you would understand the other so easily, so effortlessly, firmly believing you were made for each other.

After this, nothing will be able to mend Lewis again. He is paying for everything he has done to the love of his life, and no trophy or podium could ever replace the dark void that lives in his heart, now. No sun can erase what has already collapsed inside of him.

Driving away, you let out the deepest breath, your hands tightening around the steering wheel until your knuckles are turning white. The rage inside of you right now is enough to start a storm, to make the most scary of all thunders to erupt through the skies, but looking at your passenger seat, you remind yourself that you have more important things to do, now. 

Today marks the third week that you’ve lost your baby. In the morning, you went to the florist, buying a bouquet of pink carnations - the lady letting you know that they represent a love, or someone, that will never be forgotten. 

And now, as the sun starts getting ready to set on the horizon, you drive to the river near your house, the safe place you used to go when your morning sickness would get the best of you, when you feel lonely most of times, having no one by your side and finding some comfort in the birds flying around you, in the flowers blooming alongside the way. It’s a newfound tradition that you make sure to do every week, on the exact same day, living through the days in autopilot, until the day arrives. 

Near the river, the wind is cold but soft, gently pushing the hair from your face, drying all the tears from your face. Sitting on a bench near the water, your shadow is hugged by a tall tree that protects you from the rain, in case it decides to fall. 

This is your place now, your refuge. Where you come to cry, to speak to your daughter, knowing that she loved the time you two have spent here. The hours pass by fast when you’re paying attention to the warm, gentle, bright colors that invade the sky as the sun sets in front of you, while noticing the movement of the tide, how the water reflects the nature embracing you. 

You could forget to eat, to sleep, or to do some house chore. But you could never, ever, forget about the date you lost your baby, never forgetting to stop by the lovely florist that already has a new bouquet ready for you every week, never not sitting by the river at the end of the day.

It seems like this safe spot hugs your heart, caresses your broken soul, speaks to you in ways no one ever did. It’s like your little Hope lives here now, waiting for her mummy to come see her as she asks the skies to prepare the most beautiful sunset for your eyes to see. 

And as you throw the flowers into the water, you carefully see the way the tide hugs the petals away from you, slowly taking them out of your sight, just like life has taken away your baby girl from your hold. 

It’s a silent moment that speaks for your heart. It’s a hurtful I miss you, and I’m sorry I failed to protect you, I will always love you more than life, that you can’t seem to say verbally, just letting the tears fall down your cheeks as you see the seagulls flying in direction to the horizon, towards the light, searching for it, in the exact same way that you try to search for yours: for a light, a signal, a reason to keep going - even if she lives in the sky, now. 

[russellsppttemplates]

https://www.tumblr.com/goldenboygate/748927575652515840?source=share

How about a blurb of happy tipsy/drunk Lando and reader on the boat and he's extra clingy and saying sweet funny things? Bonus points if she's caring for his bloody nose and he's looking at her with the gloomy sparkly eyes (we have all seen the pictures 👀🫣)

Note: the more content I see from this day, the more I think this is going in the books 😅

Cw: mentions a cut, blood, alcohol consumption

"Fill mine, please!", Lando asked one of the guys as he filled his own cup with some orange drink right on theme for the day.

When you said you'd join the celebrations for King's Day, Lando and Martin were the most excited for it and promised you one hell of a party indeed.

"Show me how you dance with your pretty hips! Baby, are my moves as good as yours?", Lando said as he swayed his hips from side to side, his knees helping him bounce slightly as he waved the cup around. The sunglasses didn't cover his blushed cheeks and big smile, but you were sure they were hiding your favourite pair of eyes, now probably squinty and glassy as he sang loudly.

"Yes, Lan, they're good", you shook your head as you laughed, letting him pull you closer to him so he could dance with you.

"My chest is full of love for you, baby", Lando whispered on your ear before he nipped at the skin there.

"We're out, Lando, there's other people here", you gasped even though you were enjoying his touches a little too much. Drunk Lando often meant an even clingier boyfriend.

"I don't care, I'm full of love for you - I love you!", he stated kissing your lips and everywhere on your face he could.

You turned around for a couple of minutes, approaching the edge so you could get a little bit of air and look at how everyone else was celebrating the day until you heard a gasp followed by Martin calling your name.

"What?", you asked before seeing Lando and his bloody nose, "Oh my word", you whispered as you approached him.

"We clicked the glasses and then this happened", Martin explained as you took a good look at the injury.

Even though it seemed like a little nick on the skin from the glass, it was bleeding a good amount, "Here's the first aid kit", someone said as they handed it to you.

"Does it hurt a lot, love?", you asked Lando as you rummaged through the bag to figure out what you had and what you could do with it.

"It's okay", he mumbled.

"Hold this, Lando, I need to find something to disinfect- we're in a boat full of alcohol drinks but medical grade stuff would be better I guess", you mumbled the last part, trying to read the label of the bottle and smelling them.

Once you look up after finding the rubbing alcohol and some cotton buds and pads, you see the gauze wrapped around his head, "like this, right, lovie?", Lando smiled, a genuine tinge of hope in his voice at helping you help him.

"Not quite", you laughed. You felt bad for doing so while he was clearly hurt despite not hearing many complaints from him.

"Let me put some steri strips - stay still, Lan, I need to see this upclose", you stated after cleaning the cut, applying the strips in a cross since you could see the skin was pulling both ways.

"Did you do it like an X? I felt that", Lando spoke, "X marks the spot for the treasure, doesn't it? I'm your treasure!", he cheered, "Taylor Swift says that it marks the spot where we fell apart, but we never fall apart baby, we're forever".

"You are, Lan, my biggest treasure", you smiled, "can you stay still for a bit longer though, please?", you asked gently still.

Lando complied with your request, staying still as you did your best to make sure the dressing was helping or at least not making the situation worse, "Is this your way of telling me you want me to get a rhinoplasty? Funny, it has rhino in it", he giggled before he attempted to make an elephant noise.

"No, baby, I love your nose just the way it is", you smiled, kissing the tip of his nose when you were happy with the improvised wound dressing, "there, all done! You even get a magic kiss for it to heal faster!".

"You're so pretty, you're really my girlfriend? Ah! Would you look at that, Martin? She's my girlfriend - I'm one lucky dude", Lando beamed at his friend before he kissed your lips, letting you sit on the edge of the boat, "you can sit there, baby, it's got railing to protect you from falling in the water - it's looks mucky", he made a disgusted face.

You sat there, glad to be able to experience these moments with your boyfriend and seeing his so carefree and happy. His PR team would maybe have to do some cleaning up, but at the end of the day, he was a happy young man enjoying his time off and he had the right to enjoy it.

"She is my girlfriend - Look, Y/N! Someone is recording us, say hi, my love!", he yelled, getting you to wave at a girl filming on another boat, "isn't she pretty? And she fixed my nose too!".

(Thank you for sending this in ✨️)