#oh the drama and inner turmoil

[eruden-writes]

Strictly Pleasure - Part 27 (Jek x Heidi)

orc x human age gap paranormal romance 27 of ?

Summary: An awkward fresh-out-of-a-relationship woman and an orc that owns a sex store enter an adult theater together. She, intent on pushing her own boundaries. He, just looking to give her some sense of safety. Well, that and he wouldn’t complain about having a bit of fun himself.

After they inevitably get interrupted, Jek deals with the problem while Heidi flees. Resigned, he believes he’ll never see her again.

Thus begins Jek and Heidi’s sporadic interactions until, eventually, they find themselves fumbling around each other daily at the very place it started: Strictly Pleasure.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Part 1 - Master List - Part 26

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

When Heidi got home, she realized she couldn’t handle being alone. Her mind latched onto the memory, replaying the refreshed recollection over and over. This time, she examined not just the past but the present, too. Jek being right there next to her, watching what she watched, added a new facet to everything.

Her mind spun, nearly out of control. A distraction was needed or else her brain felt like it was going to fry itself.

She called the only two people she could think to call: Periphoia and Gnadi.

When the two arrived, she unloaded the experiences of the day onto them. Well, the parts that were appropriate to share. They didn’t need to know all the heated details, despite Peri waggling her eyebrows and needling for such things.

Heidi was just getting the three of them some bottles of soda from the fridge when Malachai came home. She turned sharply, looking at the time on the stove clock, surprised to find it was the usual time he got home. Where had the time gone?

“Hey sweetheart,” she called to Malachai as he stomped in, kicking his shoes off on the linoleum by the front door.

“Hey,” he answered, words sewn with a dismal mien.

Setting the three drinks onto the counter after closing the fridge, she shot her son a worried look. Behind his glasses, his eyes seemed a little red-rimmed. “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he answered, not meeting her eyes. “It’s dumb.”

“I still want to hear you out, in case I can help.” Heidi stepped from the kitchen into the small hall that acted as a foyer from front door to the rest of the apartment.

Malachai heaved a heavy sigh, rolling his eyes as he crossed his arms while his backpack still hugged to one shoulder. For a half-beat, he didn’t seem like he’d continue. Likely weighing the inevitability of eventually spilling the beans against his own desire for privacy. The former won out. “I told you how the school is having a dance, like during the school day, and I asked Vhlai if they wanted to come with me and they said yes.”

“Uh-huh,” Heidi nodded, leaning her hip against the wall, crossing her arms.

“Well, today was the dance and I dressed all nice for it,” Malachai waved to himself, indicating the new pair of jeans and freshly-washed polo shirt he deemed as ‘nice’ for a middle-school dance. He’d even tamed his hair, Heidi thought, as she eyed the low and short ponytail. “But just before it all happened, Vhlai told me they were actually going to go with Issac because he’d asked them out and they were dating now.”

Oof, Heidi winced as her son retold the events of the day, noting how his tone bitterer. “I’m sorry, that sucks. At least dancing was fun?”

“I sat in the corner the whole time. It was loud and stuffy and smelly.” His nose wrinkled as his gaze flicked to his mom, as if direct eye contact would cement the awfulness of the day to her. Something in Heidi’s expression made his shoulders slump a little. “I just thought Vhlai was the one, y’know?”

“At thirteen?” Heidi couldn’t help the wry half-smile that pulled at her lips. This was important to her kid, but – at the same time – she knew just how unlikely it was to find One’s True Love in middle school. Hells, even high school relationships crashed and burned.

Malachai didn’t answer, his lips just pursing tighter behind his tusks. Though his cheeks darkened in embarrassment as his eyes flicked away from his mother. Consequently, Heidi realized as she followed his gaze, that meant he saw Periphoia and Gnadi sitting at the kitchen table. To their credit, neither guest turned toward him nor waved, despite likely being able to hear the whole conversation.

His shoulders hunched again, the color darkening further on his cheeks. “I don’t know. I just really like being around them.”

“I promise you, there will be others,” Heidi soothed as she moved to pull her son into a hug.

“Mom, please,” the boy groaned, not relaxing under her embrace. When she didn’t get the hint, he pulled out of her grasp, tilting a hard expression toward her. “I just want to be alone right now.”

Trying not to visibly wither under his gaze, she softly assured, “I’m only trying to help.”

“I know, I just want to be left alone right now.” Shaking his head, he took a few steps toward his room, gaining distance between himself and his mother. Motioning with his hand toward the kitchen table, which was now obscured by the wall, he added, “Hang out with your friends or whatever you’re doing.”

Right, Periphoia and Gnadi were here. Outsiders being present tilted the scales unfavorably for her son to unload the emotions he felt. Heidi squeezed her hands together in front of her, fighting down the urge to keep talking about the predicament. “Okay. Well, I’ll be out here if you need me.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Malachai brusquely shut the door and Heidi soon heard the grating sounds of heavy metal music playing from her son’s computer. After a moment of staring at her son’s door, fighting down feelings of inadequacy, Heidi turned to retrieve the sodas and return to her guests.

“Just let him marinate in his feelings for a while. Orcs are like that,” Gnadi said as they accepted the drink while jerking a shoulder toward the teenage boy’s room. Guilt flickered through Heidi, the set of sweats that the faun wore reminding her that they usually worked overnight. She was infringing on their personal time.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Next to Gnadi, Periphoia sat straighter, her eyes flashing with something akin to danger. Unlike the sleep-deprived faun, the nymph was dressed to seize the day in a form-fitting fractcal-esque patterned dress paired with a cardigan and dark blue ankle boots. Her makeup was immaculate, as it always was, and her hair fell in gentle waves around her shoulders.

If Gnadi noticed the potential danger in Periphoia’s posture, they gave no indication. They twisted the bottle cap off, shrugging as their ears flicked. “This isn’t some anti-orc thing. It’s common that many cultures across varying peoples try to, like, stifle emotions, but in many orc cultures they let themselves feel or act on their feelings. That’s why a lot of orc cultures have fighting pits.”

“When I first had Malachai, I read up on orc cultures and stuff.” Heidi moved to her seat after she set a second bottle by Periphoia, who seemed to ease a little at Gnadi’s explanation. Lowering herself into her own chair, she couldn’t help the sigh that bubbled up. “I’ve tried to fill in the stuff Artu– his father should have, but I’m obviously going to miss out on some things. I just feel so lacking when things like this come up.”

Besides the fact she wasn’t an orc, she also wasn’t a guy. There were different societal rules – perceived, assumed, learned – that everyone consciously or unconsciously followed. Though it was a somewhat flawed way of thinking, since she should be enough for Malachai, the familiar ache for something missing in their lives bubbled up in her chest. That feeling, inevitably, led to thoughts of Jek.

“Speaking of Malachai’s father,” Periphoia latched onto the segue, unaware she dallied close to Heidi’s own thoughts. “What are you going to do?”

“I… I don’t know.” Focusing on the scrape of her thumb running along the ridges of the bottle cap, Heidi didn’t look up at Gnadi or Periphoia. Her throat started to tighten the longer she spoke, her words becoming quieter, “I like Jek, I really do, but…”

Words failed her as she trailed off, fresh feelings and half-formed thoughts fighting for focus.

“But?” Periphoia mirrored Heidi’s softening tone as she leaned closer.

“He thought I left afterwards because I thought it all was a mistake.” Heidi winced, looking up to the nymph and faun, gauging how well they both understood the heaviness of situation. “He’s lived with thinking that for over thirteen years and that’s probably going to color how he feels about me now.”

Despite the way her own stomach lurched, the expression on Periphoia’s and Gnadi’s faces were not dire. Periphoia sat back in her chair, a look of consternation making her eyebrows furrow and lips purse in thought, while Gnadi casually finished a swig of their drink.

“It was a while ago and he does enjoy spending time with you both now and, if I were to wager, back then,” the faun finally said, setting their drink down on the table. Absently, Periphoia nodded to Gnadi’s words as she, too, took a drink.

“Seeing his expression when that part of the memory played, it… I could see how much it hurt him. It was like something in him crumpled.” Tears swelled at Heidi’s eyes, knowing she was the reason Jek felt so terribly, but she fought them down. It was easy enough, considering how much she had already cried. There just wasn’t enough hydration in her for more tears.

“Jek’s a grown orc. He can manage his own feelings and I can guarantee he holds no grudges against you.” Heidi looked up at Gnadi as they spoke and she squirmed as their attention zeroed intently in on her face. “How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know.” She flinched, realizing she repeated herself again. Taking a quick breath, Heidi tried to organize her bouncing thoughts as she continued to talk, “Exploring things with Jek was fun and fine, there were no risks. But now with this revelation, I don’t know how to feel. It feels so complicated now.”

Silence fell around the table as her guests mentally gnawed on Heidi’s words. The whole thing was a mess and she felt too old to be going through such drama. Gnadi and Periphoia probably shared the sentiment, hissed a voice at the back of her thoughts. But Heidi mentally grasped that voice and shoved it further away, noticing how it felt like a mingling of sentiments planted by her mother and the former lovers in her life.

How much of her life had been controlled by that insidious, nasty little voice? It not only hurt her, but Jek and, ultimately, Malachai.

Whatever they had that night had been like a taste of ambrosia. What would her life be like if she hadn’t run away that morning? What would Malachai’s life be like? These questions plagued her thoughts since watching the memory.

Her brain fed her bittersweet imaginings. Jek being by her side while she was pregnant, being an active partner through parenthood, starkly contrasted against the lonely reality she suffered. Malachai having a clan mark, likely the across-the-nose scar Jek wore.

“Well, give it time.” Periphoia’s words saved Heidi from the building guilt that swam in her gut. “And if you still don’t know how you feel about him, maybe that’s your answer.”

Heidi gave a snort, slowly sliding her gaze to the nymph as her lips formed a wry half-smile. The wet heat in her eyes betrayed the fact she was forcing down tears. “What good does that do me?”

“It just means you need more time or maybe you don’t want anything more than sex with him.” Periphoia shrugged, but Heidi got the feeling even the nymph wasn’t even sure of her own words.

“Isn’t that counter to me being demisexual?” Narrowing her eyes, Heidi tried to join the concept of her newfound sexuality against the nymph’s words. At face value, it made sense. Maybe she didn’t want anything more than physicality with Jek, but that didn’t feel right to her.

But was that her feelings? Or what society has told her how to feel?

“Not necessarily,” Gnadi began slowly, their tone making it clear they were still considering her situation as they spoke. “Sexuality is a gradient and there’s probably sometimes where someone that’s demisexual just physically clicks with someone.” They gave a hasty shrug and shook their head, their ears flickering again. “I’m no expert and I think that’s only something someone can determine for themselves.”

Silence fell around the kitchen table again, muffled screamo music coming from Malachai’s room. Heidi stared down at her unopened bottle of soda, lips pursed as she considered what the other two had said. Perhaps she just needed more time to think.

Shaking the thoughts from her head, she shifted to her initial reason for calling on her guests: Distraction.

“What’s new in your lives?” Heidi offered the two a watery smile as they glanced up at her. She twisted the cap off her soda, the hiss of the carbonation mimicking the still riled emotions swarming her head, before taking a sip. As Periphoia relayed on her most recent disastership with a minotaur man and Gnadi groused about their college classes, the constant throb of urgency in Heidi’s brain softened.

Another bittersweet thought settled in her mind. No matter what would happen, however this situation between herself and Jek settled, life would march forward. She had to be prepared for that.  

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I have no Part 28 to advertise here, but The Peril of Magic has a part 2 on Patreon now! :)

[mischievousmoony]

GLAD WE’RE ON THE SAME PAGE reading your fic has me in the exact same position

and this is pathetic PATHETIC but i was messing around with a keychain while reading, like a cheap ring carabiner, and so immersed in the fic i BROKE IT

Tulips

Pairings: Sirius Black x Fem!Reader, Remus Lupin x Fem!Reader

Summary ✿ After finding out Remus Lupin has found himself a girlfriend, a devastated Y/n L/n asks Sirius Black to help her get over him. Except Sirius has feelings for her.

Warnings ✿ Language, unrequited love, angst, kissing, jealousy, reader wearing lipgloss and a dress, mentions of anxiety. If there's more let me know!

Word Count ✿ 20.3k

A/N 💌 This was my first ever series, but I've decided to repost it as a oneshot!

BONUS SMUT

Your affection for Remus had begun almost from the moment you met him. For nearly five years, you found yourself quietly drawn to him. How could you not be? His tranquil and caring nature had eased your anxieties countless times. His unwavering loyalty to both his friends and his studies never ceased to amaze you. The bravery he exhibited each month, whether he acknowledged it or not, left you in awe. With Remus, you always felt secure, as if nothing could disturb your sense of safety.

Monday nights marked your routine study sessions with Remus, a tradition since the start of sixth year. Arriving promptly at his dorm, you were met with unsettling moans seeping from beneath the door, causing your stomach to plummet. Frozen in shock, you raced through possible explanations, with Sirius seeming the most plausible culprit. Surely, Remus wouldn't forget your study night, and the thought of another girl seemed inconceivable. As you turned around, anxiety coursing through your veins, you collided with Sirius, tears welling up in your eyes.

"Please tell me it’s James in there." You pleaded, the desperation clear in both your tone and your expression, causing Sirius' heart to sink. Knowing James was at practice, he couldn't bring himself to shatter your hope. Instead, he grasped your hand firmly and practically pulled you towards your dormitory. Despite the chaos of emotions, Sirius made sure to shield you with his own body, warding off any prying eyes curious about the tears streaming down your cheeks.

"Are any of your roommates here?" Sirius inquired as he halted in front of your dormitory door.

"No, Lily is staying the night at your dorm with James, and I think Marlene is staying with Dorcas." You responded, your voice tinged with sadness as you used your sleeve to dab at the tears staining your cheeks. Leading the way inside, you guided Sirius into your room, where he realized it was his first time seeing your personal space. Until now, you and Remus had been inseparable, leaving no room for Sirius to spend time alone with you.

He found himself a tad nervous, the proximity to you unnerving him in the best possible way. As he stood in your dormitory, the faint scent of your favorite perfume lingering in the air, Sirius couldn't help but feel a flutter in his stomach. It was an unfamiliar sensation, being so close to you without the familiar presence of Remus nearby.

"It wasn’t James and Lily in there, was it?" Sirius turned to you, his expression filled with concern as he observed you sitting on your bed, visibly holding back tears, awaiting his response.

"No, angel." He replied softly, his voice tinged with empathy as he moved to sit beside you. A sigh escaped his lips as he settled onto your bed. Sirius knew James's schedule all too well, and he was certain that James was still down at the Quidditch pitch, far from the dorm.

Everything about your side of the room was perfectly you. Your desk was adorned with stacks of books, polaroids capturing cherished memories with friends pinned to the wall, and one of Remus’ sweaters casually draped over the back of your chair. Yet, amidst the familiar sights, a small glass vase seized his attention. Within it, a single red tulip, a gift he had given you a few weeks earlier.

As he strolled around Black Lake with the boys, he stumbled upon the patch of flowers, and instantly, he knew it was meant for you. Knowing how much you adored flowers, often doodling them in the margins of your Potions notes while seated beside him, he couldn't resist picking it. James, catching sight of the flower, declared that Lily deserved an entire bouquet. 

You weren’t taken aback when James Potter interrupted your study session with Lily by presenting her with a stunning bouquet of flowers. However, what did catch you off guard was Sirius' gesture: placing a single red flower delicately on top of your open book and sending you a playful wink.

"​M’lady." He had murmured, and at that moment, your cheeks ignited with a warmth you had never felt before.

Lily filled the remainder of your study session with talk of how a red tulip symbolized a declaration of love while you simply laughed in response.

Sirius glanced over at you, noticing the tear-filled gaze fixed upon your hands as you sat on the bed. He hesitated, the weight of his words hanging in the air. "I didn’t know you had feelings for him." he finally admitted, his tone tinged with surprise.

You offered a soft laugh tinged with a hint of sadness. "I guess that means I’m good at hiding it then. It’s been a good couple of years now. Probably started the very first day I met him, honestly," you confessed, a bittersweet smile gracing your lips.

"I’m sorry, angel." Sirius expressed, his voice laced with genuine remorse.

A gentle shake of your head followed. "You don’t have to be sorry," you reassured him, your voice carrying a tone of acceptance intertwined with a hint of resignation.

"I could’ve given you a heads up," Sirius grimaced as your head whipped up to look over at him, the gravity of his words sinking in. "He’s been seeing this girl for weeks. He’s going to ask her out soon."

"Sirius-" you began, your voice carrying a mixture of surprise and concern.

"I’m telling you this not to be mean, but so you’re not blindsided when it happens." Sirius continued his tone earnest yet tinged with regret.

This time, you remained silent, your gaze drifting over to the polaroid displayed prominently on your bedside table. In the photo, you and Remus sat beneath a tree, his arm wrapped around you in a protective embrace while your head rested gently on his shoulder. The memory of that day flooded back — discussing a book, laughter filling the air, and Lily insisting on capturing the moment in a photograph. 

At the end of the day, with a knowing smile, she handed you the polaroid. The setting sun cast a beautiful glow upon the photo when you held it in your hand.

"C’mere," Sirius demanded softly, his voice a gentle command meant to pull you away from the intensity of the picture. He positioned himself against the headboard, arms open wide for you to find solace in. Without hesitation, you crawled into his embrace, nestling against his side. His arms enveloped you, offering comfort and warmth as he planted a tender kiss atop your head.

"What can I do?" Sirius inquired quietly, his gaze fixed on the tears tracing down your cheeks and staining his shirt.

"Help me get over him. Please." You pleaded, the vulnerability in your voice bared as you sought comfort and support from him.

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

"Where the hell have you been? You nearly missed breakfast!" James exclaimed, his eyes scanning over your disheveled appearance—your hair in disarray and your clothes creased. It was a rare sight to see you, typically impeccably put together and five minutes ahead of everyone else, arriving late and looking rumpled. He chose not to mention the dark circles under your eyes or the absence of your usual cheery smile. He knew better than to bring that up.

Upon sensing Remus's scrutinizing gaze, you cleared your throat nervously and averted your eyes, unwilling to let him figure out that he was the cause of your disheveled appearance.

“Rough night.” That was simply put. In fact, last night had been incredibly rough, leaving you worse for wear this dreary morning. Cuddling with Sirius comforted you for so long before you were back to crying your heart out. He was kind enough to hold you the entire time, and eventually, you had both fallen asleep. There had been no discussion on what you meant last night about having him help you get over Remus. You didn’t know what you had meant by it either.

You grimaced as the memory flooded back, choosing to sit beside Sirius instead. He wouldn’t admit it in front of the boys, but he was well prepared to knock one of them over if they tried to sit next to him. After the trying night you'd endured, he made it a point to ensure you felt at ease and understood that he was there for you should you need anything. Normally, you occupied the seat next to Remus, with Sirius seated beside James and Peter. However, given the circumstances, he understood that you wouldn't feel comfortable sitting next to Remus that morning.

James' gaze darted between the two of you, noting the departure from your usual seating arrangement. He stole a quick glance at Remus, who seemed intent on studying you. "Hmm. Why is it that Sirius has been quiet all breakfast, and now you are too?" he quipped, breaking the silence.

"Sod off, mate." Sirius grumbled, pushing a steaming cup of tea toward you. Despite the gruff remark, he offered you a sweet smile before returning his attention to his meal. Even though the gesture was minimal, it made you want to burst into tears. The fact that he remembered your favorite tea and how you liked it meant more to you than words could express. Remus, however, frowned at the cup of tea sitting in front of you, his expression troubled.

“What? I can’t make conversation this beautiful morning?” James’s tone was still incredibly upbeat, unlike those around him. Peter hummed in agreement, his mouth full of cereal and unable to respond properly.

"It's storming." Remus mumbled, his gaze still fixed on you, sensing that something was amiss as you avoided meeting his eyes. Usually, you sat next to him, cheerily chatting about another book you had read together.

"Are you implying a storm isn't beautiful? Because I happen to think-"

"James, let's just have a quiet breakfast this Tuesday morning." Sirius interjected, surprising James with the interruption. James opened his mouth to protest, but the seriousness in Sirius's expression halted him mid-sentence. Sirius's deliberate interruption was aimed at signaling to Remus that he had missed your study night. It served its purpose, prompting Remus to acknowledge the missed study date.

"Oh, fuck. Y/n, I’m so sorry! Last night, our study night, I totally forgot," Remus blurted out, his words rushed and filled with regret as he watched your reaction. You simply shrugged and sipped your tea, avoiding direct eye contact with him. You kept your gaze fixed on your plate, knowing that meeting Remus's eyes would likely trigger another wave of tears.

"No big deal." You replied casually.

"Uh," Remus furrowed his eyebrows, his expression a mixture of concern and confusion as he searched your face for any sign of distress. However, your demeanor remained inscrutable, your face a mask of blankness. "Are you sure? I know you really wanted to study this week with your exam coming up-"

You finally met Remus's gaze, sitting up a bit straighter, "I was able to study, Remus, it's fine."

"You were? But uh-" Remus scrambled for words, uncertain how to navigate this tense exchange. He couldn't recall a time when you sounded so curt with him before.

"Sirius helped me." You interjected, your voice steady but tinged with an underlying tension.

James sputtered out a laugh, his gaze darting between you and Sirius. "He helped you study? Willingly?"

In reality, studying hadn't been the main agenda of the night. Before drifting off to sleep, you had hastily handed Sirius your flashcards from the nightstand, however, your pounding headache from crying rendered you unable to focus properly during his quizzing. So, technically, he did help you study, albeit minimally.

Peter raised his eyebrows, his tone laced with curiosity, "Is that where you were all last night? Studying?"

You squirmed uneasily at Peter's implication. Sirius shot James and Peter a sharp glance, silently urging them to stop talking.

Remus's lips parted in surprise as he shifted his gaze from Sirius to you. "He stayed the night with you?" His tone carried a hint of displeasure that didn't escape Sirius's notice. Despite himself, a slight sense of satisfaction flickered within Sirius at Remus's reaction.

Before anyone could respond, a pretty Ravenclaw leaned over Remus, enveloping him in a hug as she rested her head against his shoulder. "Rem, I thought you were going to try and sit with me this morning." She murmured.

Your body tensed at the sight of her; she was the girl from last night. A surge of jealousy, unlike anything you had ever experienced before, washed over you, catching you off guard. Your appetite vanished.

"Uh, sorry. I had to work on some things this morning and got a bit distracted." Remus's response came with a hint of discomfort, his apology tinged with unease. As you observed the exchange, you couldn't quite determine if his discomfort arose from her presence or the attention their interaction garnered. Quietly, you wished it leaned more towards the former.

Her lips formed a pretty pout, “Hm.”

James unabashedly observed the pair while taking a bite of his toast. "You know, Remus, if you ever need relationship advice, I’m here," he remarked, his tone teasing. Remus scowled in response, clearly unamused, while the girl giggled and tightened her grip around him, seemingly unfazed by James's comment.

You stole a glance at Sirius, momentarily tuning out the conversation to observe his reaction to the scene unfolding before you. Sensing the unease gnawing at your stomach, you instinctively reached for Sirius’ hand, which rested on his thigh. As soon as your fingers brushed against his, he responded by intertwining them with yours, his eyes meeting yours in silent understanding.

"Do you want to go?" he whispered softly, squeezing your hand in reassurance. Unable to trust your voice, you simply nodded in response. He released your hand momentarily, a fleeting disappointment washing over you until you watched as he effortlessly grabbed your bag and slung it over his shoulder. With a tender gesture, he reached for a muffin, noticing that you had hardly eaten.

Then, extending his hand towards you, he silently offered his support. Amidst James's lively conversation with the Ravenclaw girl and Remus's contemplative gaze, Peter looked on with a puzzled expression as Sirius extended his hand to you, a silent invitation to leave the discomfort behind.

"You don’t have to hold my bag." You mumbled, rising to your feet to face him, intertwining your fingers once more. Despite the awareness of the eyes fixed upon the two of you, your focus remained solely on Sirius.

"I wanted to, angel." Sirius replied softly, meeting your gaze with warmth. The genuine smile that graced your face was the first of the morning, and Sirius felt as if he had won the lottery.

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

"Y/n." His voice sliced through the air, causing you to freeze mid-sentence. But deep down, what had you truly expected? That he wouldn’t approach you while you were quietly engrossed in your book in the common room? Your plan of avoiding him for as long as possible wasn’t unfolding as smoothly as you had hoped.

"Hi, Rem.” You responded softly, offering a genuine smile. Despite the ache that lingered from witnessing him with the Ravenclaw girl at breakfast, you couldn’t deny the bond you shared. After all, he was still your best friend. You couldn’t fault him for getting a girlfriend, no matter how much it hurt.

Remus settled into the armchair opposite you, his expression earnest. "I didn’t really get to talk to you much this morning," he began, his tone gentle.

You offered a nonchalant shrug, hoping to conceal the nervousness. "Oh. I mean, I wasn’t in much of a mood for chatting," you replied, attempting to maintain a façade of composure, though inwardly, you were anything but.

"Is everything alright? Is this about missing last night? I promise that I didn’t mean to, truly," Remus continued, his sincerity evident. Leaning forward, his eyes bore into yours, practically pleading for your forgiveness. Despite your resolve, his sincerity tugged at your heartstrings, and you found yourself wavering.

"I’m not upset about you missing our study night; I understand that things come up." You reassured him as though you were anything truly fine. There was a squeeze in your heart at remembering Remus with another girl, a stark reminder that she wasn't you.

Remus visibly relaxed at your words. "We could reschedule it?" he suggested, his tone hopeful.

A heavy silence settled between you. How were you supposed to tell him that you didn't want to reschedule? That you weren't ready to spend time alone with him right now? Being around him now, knowing you had no chance, felt like a punch to the gut.

"There you guys are!" James’ voice carried throughout the common room, effectively gaining more attention than he had probably intended. Sirius stood right beside him, his gaze already fixed on you. Peter was notably absent, likely engrossed in his studies elsewhere. Nevertheless, you welcomed the distraction.

James huffed as if he had been greatly inconvenienced. "We have been looking everywhere for you guys."

You couldn't help but laugh, "You didn’t think to check the common room first?"

"Y/n, please. Don’t be ridiculous." James quipped as he dropped into the armchair beside Remus. Remus's gaze lingered on you for a moment longer before he sighed and turned his attention to James. Soon enough, they were engrossed in their own conversation.

Sirius settled into the spot next to you, casually draping an arm over the back of the couch just behind your shoulders. As you leaned into his side and offered him a smile, he felt his cheeks flush with warmth. Your affectionate gestures toward him had always been present, but after last night, they seemed to intensify.

Your proximity never failed to make his heart skip a beat, and his stomach flutter. Despite his confidence in hiding his involuntary reactions to you, lately, it seemed more challenging for him to do so.

He greets you with the softest smile, his eyes reflecting warmth. "Hi, angel," he murmurs gently. Sirius had always affectionately called you angel, a term that secretly held a special place in your heart, one of your favorite things about him.

"Hi." You respond, a matching smile adorning your features, mirroring the comfort in his presence.

"I never got to thank you for last night." You admit, your tone filled with gratitude.

Shaking his head modestly, he insists, "You don’t have to thank me."

"It made me feel better having you there with me, so of course I want to thank you." You express earnestly, your appreciation evident in your words.

Sirius leans in, his breath tickling your ear as he whispers, "We still gotta talk about what you meant last night. By asking me to help you get over him."

Feeling a flush of embarrassment, you sputter out a response, "I’m not entirely sure what I meant. I figured you would know how to go about that."

"Why would I know how to go about that?" Sirius questions, genuine curiosity coloring his tone.

Shrugging, you admit, "I don’t know. I just thought you might have. You have way more experience with relationships than I do."

Sirius snorts, a wry grin tugging at the corner of his lips. "I wouldn’t call them relationships." he remarks, his mind briefly wandering through the array of flings he'd had in the past few years. None of them had left a lasting impression on him, none of them had made him feel the way you did.

You shrug, a hint of vulnerability in your expression. "It’s more experience than I have.”

Your voices remain hushed, a deliberate attempt to avoid drawing the attention of James and Remus. Yet, the intimate proximity between you and Sirius could easily spark curiosity on its own. You're practically nestled against his side, his warm breath brushing against your ear as he whispers. To any onlooker, it would seem as though you were lovers, exchanging sweet nothings in a quiet moment of intimacy.

He takes a moment to collect his thoughts, acutely aware of the gravity of his next question. He understands that the answer could severely hurt his feelings, "Are you in love with him?"

Your reaction is swift; you turn to him so abruptly that your noses nearly brush against each other. Sirius silently begs you to linger closer, but you withdraw just enough to maintain a respectable distance. He watches intently as you steal a glance at Remus, your bottom lip caught between your teeth in contemplation.

"No. But, honestly, it probably wouldn’t take much for me to fall in love with him." You confess, your words hanging in the air like a weight. Sirius needs a moment to recover, the impact of your admission hitting him harder than he had anticipated, despite mentally preparing himself for it.

You turn back to him, anguish evident in your voice, "How are you supposed to get over someone you’re nearly in love with?" Sirius hears the devastation in your tone, wishing he could convey that he genuinely comprehends that sentiment. However, delving into such explanations would only invite more questions, and that's the last thing he needs right now.

"I don’t know, angel." He responds simply, observing as you anxiously pick at your nails.

A quiet lull envelops you both before you speak up again, "I don’t think spending all my time with him helps. Maybe I should distance myself a little bit."

"You’re welcome to spend all that time with me instead." Sirius offers, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer to his side. As you relax into his embrace, you rest your head on his shoulder. For a few precious minutes, you both sit in silence, lost in your own thoughts.

Remus glances over at you, nearly doing a double-take at the display of affection. You have closed your eyes, seemingly oblivious to Remus' stare, but Sirius him. For a brief, tense moment, Remus and Sirius lock eyes, but then James regains Remus' attention.

“Sirius?” You ask, the weariness evident in your voice.

“Yeah?”

“Remember when you told James to get over Lily that he needed to get under someone else?” Sirius immediately senses the direction of the conversation, and a pang of regret twinges in his chest.

“Yes.”

“Do you think that really works?” You inquire, your tone tinged with uncertainty and a hint of desperation.

“For some people, maybe.” Sirius replies cautiously. He wants to admit that such tactics haven’t proven successful for him and probably never will.

You pull away to look at him, your eyes reflecting a mixture of hope and uncertainty, “Would you help me find someone?”

"There’s no way in hell I’m doing that." Sirius responds firmly, his tone leaving little room for negotiation. But before you can protest, he interjects, "I’ll be your distraction."

"How exactly?" Your voice tinged with uncertainty, unsure of what he means.

"However, you need me. I know I’m not the best study partner, but I’ll run through your flashcards with you whenever you need to study," Sirius offers, his voice softening as he glances from you to Remus. “I know you guys would talk about books a lot, so I’ll read whatever book you’re reading just to discuss it with you. Whatever you want me to do, Y/n, I’ll do it.”

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

“You and Y/n were cozy on that couch,” James comments casually, his gaze fixed on the ceiling from where he's sprawled out on his bed. Sirius glances over his shoulder at him, pausing his furious writing at the desk where he's been hunched over for the last twenty minutes.

“Hm. I guess so.” Sirius replies nonchalantly, but his voice’s a subtle tension.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” James' tone carries a note of genuine concern, and Sirius immediately feels the weight of his friend's apprehension settling over the room like a heavy blanket.

“Working on my homework? Yeah, it’s probably my best one yet.” Sirius responds, his tone strained as he tries to maintain composure.

“About comforting the girl you love because she’s in love with your best mate.” James continues, his words cutting through the air like a knife. Sirius freezes, the quill leaving a streak of ink across the paper as his thoughts whirl.

He refuses to turn around and face James, not wanting to see the pitying look he knows will be on his friend's face. Instead, he runs his hand through his hair in frustration, his emotions simmering beneath the surface.

“Surprised you figured it out.” Sirius grumbles, his voice laced with a mixture of defensiveness and resignation. He doesn’t want to confront the truth about your feelings for Remus. The mere thought of you falling in love with someone other than him ignites a pang of jealousy in his chest.

He wants to correct James, to insist that you aren’t in love with Remus, but it feels futile. The reality is too close for comfort, and he can't shake the feeling of impending loss.

“About your feelings? Or hers?” James questions, his head leaning back against his headboard as he studies Sirius, his expression searching.

Sirius climbs onto his bed, letting out a sigh of frustration once his head hits his pillow, the weight of the conversation heavy on his mind. “Both,” he admits, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

“I didn’t notice until today with Y/n. She looked devastated when Adeline was all over Remus. On the other hand, I’ve known you’ve had feelings for her for years. The things you do for her, you wouldn’t do for anyone else.” James observes, his tone tinged with a mix of understanding and concern.

Sirius doesn’t know what to say in response, but deep down, he knows James is right. He’s always treated you differently, gone the extra mile for you in ways he wouldn't for anyone else. He had just hoped it wasn’t so obvious.

James sighs loudly, the weight of the situation hanging heavy in the air, “You gotta be careful, mate. You’re gonna get your feelings hurt.”

“I’d rather my feelings be hurt than hers.” Sirius responds earnestly, his voice carrying a hint of determination.

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

It was official. Remus Lupin and Adeline Reyes were officially dating. The news didn’t come as a surprise; Remus had been bringing her around more often lately. She seamlessly integrated herself into your group dynamic, joining you all at breakfast some mornings and effortlessly engaging in conversation as if she had been there for years. Adeline adeptly kept pace with Sirius’ quick quips and could outwit James with a witty comeback. She was quick to include Peter whenever James unintentionally overshadowed him in conversation and was always eager to discuss the next book you planned to read.

It was horrifically frustrating.

You wanted to dislike her, but deep down, you knew it was just jealousy clouding your judgment. Adeline was undeniably genuine and sweet; you could easily envision yourself becoming good friends with her. However, every time she affectionately pressed her lips to Remus’ cheeks or leaned into his side, it felt like a sharp pang reminding you of your own feelings and the heartwrenching situation you found yourself in.

It left a bitter taste in your mouth. Just a few weeks ago, that was your spot, and you were blissfully unaware of his feelings for another girl. You felt foolish, caught off guard. Was it all in your head? Had you merely romanticized every interaction with him? Built up a scenario that never truly existed?

"Y/n, this is the third time you've spaced out. Are you alright?" Lily's concerned voice broke through your thoughts as she settled beside you on the bed. Despite James's insistence on a get-together downstairs, you found your mind drifting elsewhere. It had been a couple of weeks since Remus and Adeline declared their relationship, and ever since then, your thoughts had been in turmoil.

You shrugged, "I'm okay. I just don't think I'm up for a party tonight."

"You haven't seemed in the party mood for weeks." Marlene remarked, her attention fixed on her reflection as she applied lip gloss. Sensing something amiss, she pivoted abruptly to face you.

"Is this about Remus and Adeline?" Lily's direct question made your stomach plummet.

"I, uh—no." You stammered, feeling as startled as you looked by her inquiry.

"Godric, you're a horrible liar." Marlene remarked, tossing the tube of sparkly gloss onto her bed before striding over to her trunk and flinging it open. "It's okay to miss your best friend. You two are practically glued to each other's sides. I'm sure it's odd not spending as much time with him anymore."

Lily observed the subtle shift in your demeanor as Marlene spoke, although Marlene herself was entirely engrossed in rummaging through her clothes until she emitted a satisfied hum.

Shoving a floral sundress into your hands, Marlene declared, "Here, you're not wearing your uniform tonight. Wearing something cute will make you feel better." Your fingers traced over the silky material, white with colorful flowers scattered across it. Marlene observed as you held up the dress, eyeing the spaghetti straps and milkmaid top with uncertainty.

"It's winter, Marlene." You pointed out your tone laced with practicality.

"We're inside. But if you do get cold, I’m sure Sirius would gladly warm you up." Marlene chirped, grinning at your surprised expression.

"Sirius is not going to warm me up." You grumbled as you stood up and headed to the bathroom with the dress in hand. With the door shut, you changed out of your uniform. You had to admit, the dress was pretty. Maybe Marlene was right; wearing something cute would boost your confidence and mood.

"Are you sure? You two have been awfully cozy lately!" Lily's laughter laced her tone as she called through the door. You slipped the dress on, then twisted in front of the mirror to assess how it looked. Concluding that you liked it, you also appreciated how it made you feel slightly brighter. It reminded you of a summer spent in Italy with your parents, where you practically lived in sundresses.

You turn open the door and twirl for the girls, who squeal in appreciation. Marlene snatches the lip gloss she had tossed aside, grabbing at your cheeks to dot some on your lips.

"We haven’t been cozy. We’re just acting like friends do." You mumble, your words slightly muffled from your cheeks being squished.

“Bullshit! You never snuggled Peter, never did with James before he got himself a girlfriend,” Marlene turned to wink at Lily. “Honestly, you never did with Remus either. But you and Sirius have been all over each other.”

“We have not!” You deny it, looking to Lily for support. But she only leans back on her hands and sends you a smug smile.

"The other day, I walked into the common room with James, and you were practically asleep on Sirius’ lap while he read to you.” Lily grins.

“He was reading to you? That’s the cutest thing I have ever heard. That’s your love language right there!” Marlene's gasp was filled with awe, and you didn't know how to respond. Because you had indeed fallen asleep on his lap while Sirius twirled a strand of your hair between his fingers absentmindedly as he read Pride and Prejudice to you. You hardly comprehended the story, too focused on Sirius’ voice and his gentle touch. It was the first time in weeks that you hadn’t thought of Remus.

“It was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen Sirius do.” Lily agreed, nodding in approval. “I’m telling you, he has feelings for you. I’ve thought so ever since 5th year. He pretty much confirmed it when he gave you that red tulip.”

“A declaration of love!” Marlene practically sang, her excitement contagious.

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

As you reached the bottom step with Marlene and Lily, you let out a sigh. The common room was bustling, with students scattered everywhere, making the air feel stuffy and warm. You briefly pondered what James’ definition of a get-together was, because this felt more like a full-blown party.

“James said he invited hardly anyone.” You muttered to Lily, who nodded in agreement.

“He’s a social butterfly, you never know with him.” Lily replied with a shrug, craning her neck to spot James amidst the crowd. She eventually spotted him near the fireplace, engaged in lively conversation with Sirius and a few other members of the Quidditch team. You allowed Lily to lead you through the throng of people, observing the lively atmosphere around you. Marlene had already disappeared into the crowd, no doubt on a mission to find Dorcas.

You can hear him before you see him: Sirius’ hearty laugh resonates over the music and the crowd’s chatter. It's a remarkable sound, drawing attention effortlessly. And there he is, standing tall next to James by the fireplace, a drink held casually in one hand while the other gestures animatedly as he converses with the guy beside him. Clad in a simple black T-shirt, Sirius exudes a captivating charm, and you can't help but admire how good he looks in the flickering firelight.

Though you'd never admit it aloud, Lily had been onto something. You and Sirius had been spending an increasing amount of time together. True to his word, Sirius had been a genuine distraction from your heartache. The activities you once shared with Remus were gradually being replaced by moments with Sirius.

It was no longer Remus, who you sat next to in the morning. No longer Remus, who you reviewed your flashcards with. No longer Remus, who would sit with you next to Black Lake and chat about your latest book. And no longer Remus, who would hold your hand to calm your anxiety every time you had to speak up in front of the class.

But it wasn’t like you had asked Sirius to do any of these things. It was Sirius who had started it, not in an attempt to replace what you had with Remus, but to remind you that he was there for you. That he would do anything to make you feel loved. Sirius wasn’t doing any of this because he felt obligated. He did it because he wanted you to know that you weren’t alone and that he didn’t plan on leaving any time soon.

But there were things that Sirius did that Remus had never done. Every morning, a cup of your favorite tea awaited at your spot next to him. He carried one of your scrunchies in his bag because you could never keep track of them, even offering to tie your hair up for you. Each time he walked around Black Lake, he brought you back a red tulip, which you tucked into the vase on your desk next to the others. You were building up quite the collection. 

Sirius bursts into laughter, but his mirth is interrupted by James' boisterous greeting. The sudden volume jerks your attention away from Sirius, and you find yourself facing Lily, who offers a halfhearted protest as James envelops her in a bear hug. You brace yourself as James turns his attention to you, lifting you up despite your protests about your dress. After he sets you down, a moment of imbalance is quickly rectified as you feel an arm slip around your waist, steadying you against someone's chest.

"He's had a few too many." Sirius whispers into your ear, his breath sending shivers down your spine. You lean into his embrace, relishing the warmth and familiarity of his touch before turning around to face him.

With your palms pressed against his chest, you offer him a warm smile. "Hi."

He still holds onto his drink, but his pointer finger slips under the strap of your dress, giving it a gentle tug. "This is cute," he murmurs, his voice now hushed compared to the near shouting from a minute ago. His eyes meet yours, and you feel a wave of warmth spread through you. No one has ever looked at you the way he's looking at you right now.

"Thank you." You reply softly, surprised at the tenderness in your own voice. But you know he hears you as he smiles before turning back to the conversation he was having with a few other guys.

Pushing down your disappointment, you adjust the straps of your dress and take a breath, scanning the room for someone else to chat with. However, Sirius surprises you by wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you gently into his side. He continues to talk, his voice much quieter this time, but the three subtle squeezes let you know he's still there if you need him.

Lily catches your eye and mouths, "I told you so."

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

You hadn't intended to eavesdrop, it was just a coincidence that you found yourself in the vicinity at that moment. 

"You know, everyone thought you and Y/n were gonna get together." Peter remarks, nudging Remus in the side. Remus turns to him, likely taken aback. From your vantage point, you can't see their faces, but you recognize their silhouettes. They're seated together on one of the couches, engaged in quiet conversation amid the lively atmosphere of the party. You had briefly slipped away from Sirius to grab a drink, but now you're starting to regret your decision.

"Y/n and I?" Remus's response is laced with surprise, confirming your suspicions. You stand frozen, a few feet away from the couch, feeling your stomach plummet. 

"Yeah, I think most people thought you already were. I mean, you guys spent so much time together." Peter continues, oblivious to the impact of his words. You try to avoid lingering on the past tense word.

"No, never," Remus hastily interjects. “I don’t think I could think of Y/n like that.” His words landed like a heavy blow to your chest. You feel a pang of disappointment and hurt ripple through you, sitting heavy in your stomach. With tears threatening to spill from your eyes, you pivot on your heel and stride purposefully toward your dormitory.

As you navigate through the bustling crowd, your lips utter excuse me, and I need to get through in a mechanical cadence. Each step feels heavier than the last, burdened by the weight of Remus's words and the shattered illusions they bring.

Finally, the door to your dormitory swings shut behind you with a resounding thud, the noise a stark contrast to the chaos of the party below. Alone in the silence of your room, you confront the raw emotions swirling within you, grappling with the harsh reality of unrequited feelings.

Tears blur your vision so severely that you nearly trip over your shoes in your haste to remove them. With trembling hands, you toss the covers over your body, seeking refuge in the soft embrace of your bed. You bury your face into the welcoming embrace of your pillow, heedless of the inevitable mascara stains that will be left behind. A strangled sob escapes your lips, muffled by the sanctuary of your pillow, as you grapple with the overwhelming wave of emotions crashing over you.

The noise of the party downstairs serves as a comforting cloak, allowing you to release your emotions freely and without judgment.

The abruptness with which Remus shut down any possibility of harboring feelings for you cuts deep, like a dagger to the heart. The ache in your chest feels all-consuming, a relentless reminder that you will never be with him. Despite the rational part of your mind knowing that his affection for Adeline precludes any possibility of reciprocating your feelings, the emotional turmoil still wreaks havoc on your fragile heart.

In the solitude of your room, you allow yourself to cry. With each passing moment, the ache in your chest deepens.

"Y/n? Oh, Godric." Lily exclaims, rushing to your side with concern etched across her features. She gathers your hair away from your tear-streaked face, her eyes taking in the sight before her: cheeks flushed and blotchy, mascara-tinged tears tracing down your cheeks, your hair in disarray. She had sensed something amiss when she spotted you hurrying up the stairs, but the depth of your distress caught her off guard.

"Y/n, what can I do? Do you want a glass of water? Can I, uh..." Lily's voice trembles with worry as she looks around the room, searching for anything that might bring you comfort. She's witnessed your tears before, but never like this, leaving her feeling utterly helpless.

"I don't need water. Can you..." Your voice breaks, choked with emotion, making it difficult to articulate your thoughts.

Lily watches as you clutch your pillow tighter, waiting for your next words. "Can I what?" She prompts gently.

"I just need..." You falter, another sob escaping your lips. "Sirius. I need Sirius."

Without hesitation, Lily nods, determined to find Sirius and bring him to your side. As she exits your dorm, you sink deeper into your pillow, allowing the tears to flow freely. Your mind races with questions, grappling with how to face Remus again and feign normalcy.

You're not completely taken aback by his words; the past few weeks have allowed you to gradually accept that Remus may not share your feelings. Yet, processing this realization privately was less painful than hearing his firm denial of any possibility of reciprocation. Perhaps there's a tinge of sorrow in acknowledging this truth, as it signifies a shift in your relationship with Remus—one that might never be quite the same again. Accepting this reality proves to be a bitter pill to swallow.

"Angel," Your body instinctively relaxes at the soothing sound of Sirius’s voice. The pillow is gently drawn from your grip, revealing Sirius’ concerned face as it comes into view. "What can I do? What do you need?" he asks, his tone brimming with genuine concern and care.

Kneeling by the side of your bed, his eyes brim with concern, evoking emotion that threatens to overwhelm you once more. You lie on your side, facing him, your makeup smudged and your eyes swollen from tears. Despite your disheveled appearance, he finds you the most beautiful girl in the world.

"Hold on." He murmurs softly before disappearing into your bathroom. The sound of running water fills the silence, a gentle reminder of his comforting presence. Moments later, he returns with a damp cloth in hand, his touch gentle yet firm as he kneels before you. With tender care, he cradles your jaw, his movements deliberate as he gently wipes away the remnants of makeup from your face, his actions speaking volumes of his unwavering support and affection.

"All clean," he whispers softly, discarding the cloth onto the ground with the intention of dealing with it later. "What do you need?"

"You." You sniffle, tugging gently at his hand to convey your desire for him to join you in bed. Without hesitation, Sirius kicks off his shoes and slips under the covers beside you. With a tender gesture, he reaches out, his hand gently brushing the hair away from your face as he settles in beside you. Your faces hover mere inches apart, a tantalizing proximity that he tries to distract from by focusing on the simple task of brushing your hair away, the urge to kiss you tugging at the corners of his mind.

"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pull you away from the party." You murmur apologetically, your gaze meeting his. His eyes snap to yours, a flicker of offense crossing his features.

"I would drop anything for you." He responds earnestly, his sincerity shining through in his words, leaving no room for doubt. A sharp inhale escapes your lips as you stare back at him, the weight of his commitment settling between you.

"What happened, angel?" he asks gently, his eyes reflecting a hint of guilt for prying. As your eyes well up with tears once more, Sirius feels a pang of remorse for pressing the matter. He's about to apologize and suggest forgetting about it when you offer an answer, leaving him momentarily speechless.

"I overheard Peter and Remus." You confess, your voice trembling with vulnerability. Sirius forces down the surge of jealousy that threatens to consume him at the mention of Remus. 

"Peter told him that everyone thought he and I would get together." You continue, your words hanging in the air, heavy with disappointment and hurt. Sirius listens attentively, his heart aching for the pain etched in your voice.

"Remus told him that he couldn’t ever see me like that." You reveal, your voice wavering with emotion. "I know it’s stupid since he has a girlfriend, but-" You pause to draw in a shuddering breath, and Sirius gently brushes away the tears that cascade down your cheeks and over the bridge of your nose.

"It hurt," you confess, the rawness of your emotions laid bare. "That he’s never once seen me the way I have always seen him. We’ve always been just friends, and it sucks." Each word carries the weight of your longing and disappointment.

Sirius sighs, his voice tinged with empathy, "I love Remus, I do, but he can be blind sometimes. So in his head and down on himself that he misses what’s in front of him. And he truly missed out on the most perfect girl there is. But I promise you that there is a guy out there who will recognize what an angel you are, and he won’t ever let you go."

Your eyes well up with tears again, and Sirius starts to panic that he said something wrong. But then you're wrapping your arms around his waist and pressing your head into the crook of his neck.

Your voice is muffled as you speak, "Please stay here with me tonight?"

"Whatever you want, angel." Sirius responds tenderly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, knowing there is no way he’d ever be able to deny you.

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

James looks bewildered. "You aren’t going to sit with us?" he asks, confusion evident in his voice.

You stand behind your typical spot, observing the boys' reactions as they stare at you as though you've just delivered the worst news imaginable. For years, ever since you had met the boys, you had been sitting with them every day. This spot held a sense of familiarity and comfort, a symbol of your friendship with them. Thus, your decision to sit with the girls today comes as a major surprise.

Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas occupy seats further down the table. While they would occasionally join your circle, especially after Lily and James got together, Lily had once confided in you that she valued having space and prioritizing her friendships, too; she didn’t want to spend all her time with James. To everyone's surprise, James had been okay with this arrangement and had even agreed.

“I’m going to sit down the table with the girls. You’ll still be able to see me; we can wave at each other!” You offer James a hopeful smile, but he shakes his head, letting out a dramatic sigh.

Pointing his fork in your direction, James asserts, “It’s not the same, and you know it.”

“Sit with us, I feel like I hardly see you.” Remus protests and your stomach sinks as you make eye contact with him. Ever since you overheard Remus tell Peter he didn’t have feelings for you, you had been finding every excuse possible to avoid him.

It’s been a week since the party, and you can now admit that you've successfully avoided any alone time with Remus. By now, it's clear he senses something amiss. Every time he tries to approach you, you have an excuse ready for why you can't study together again or why you can't chat. What's worse is that it's only him you're avoiding. You still engage in normal chats with Peter in the common room and banter back and forth with James as usual. And Sirius, well, you hardly leave his side. Wherever you go, Sirius isn't far away, a constant presence by your side.

Not only that, but it seemed as if you couldn't get enough of each other—cuddled up on the common room couch, shoulder to shoulder during meals, and always side by side while walking to Black Lake. Sirius and you were growing increasingly closer with each passing day.

It was driving Remus crazy.

He looks at you pleadingly, his expression betraying the torment of seeing you drift away from him. You know his distress can't stem solely from your decision to sit with the girls. He started pulling away first, you think bitterly.

"Just wanted to spend some time with the girls, switch things up." You explain with a casual shrug, feeling a sense of awkwardness creeping over you as you shift on your feet. Remus wears a disappointed expression, while James and Peter appear to have already moved on, engaged in a bickering match over who gets the last orange.

"You've been switching things up quite a bit lately." Remus grumbles under his breath, his voice barely audible over the morning chatter in the dinning hall. Only Adeline catches his words as she pulls away to glance at his face, startled by the bitterness in his tone. Unaware of her scrutiny, Remus remains fixated on you, his expression betraying a mixture of longing and frustration.

"Okay, well, I’ll catch you guys later." You announce with a smile, and at that moment, Sirius glances up at you. He wants to tell you how much he'll miss you. Every morning, he eagerly anticipates the sight of your smile, the way you playfully bump your shoulder into his once you take your spot beside him. Your laughter and sweet smile are the highlights of his morning routine.

He'd gladly join you for breakfast with the girls if you asked.

To everyone's surprise, you sling your arms around Sirius' shoulders and tilt your head forward, looking at him from the side. Caught off guard, Sirius freezes in your embrace, trying desperately not to read too much into your unexpected touch.

"I'll wait for you so we can walk to class together. I'll miss you." You whisper, your lips pressing gently onto his cheek. A faint pink sheen of your lipgloss remains on his skin in the shape of your lips, a subtle reminder of your affection.

Before he can respond, you're already pulling away, leaving Sirius to watch you walk back to the girls. His cheeks flush, his mouth slightly parted in surprise. Remus narrows his eyes at the mark you've left behind while Adeline observes the interaction between Sirius and Remus, sensing Remus's agitation.

James lets out a low whistle. "She'll miss you, will she?" he remarks, his tone laced with amusement and curiosity.

“Oh fuck off, mate.” Sirius grumbles before taking a sip of his tea to try and hide his smile.

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

You sigh, slumping down in your chair, "I don’t think I can handle another flashcard."

Sirius glances up from across the table, finding you lost in contemplation as you stare out the window. It's midday, and the sun's gentle rays illuminate the library, casting a warm glow despite the lingering chill outside. You both share the longing to step into the crisp air outdoors, yet Sirius remained steadfast in his commitment to assisting you with your studies.

"Do you wanna take a break?" Sirius asks, his gaze meeting yours as you glance up from the pile of books and notes spread out before you. Your lips press together, betraying the weight of your internal debate about whether you can afford to step away from your tasks.

"Come on, we can go for a walk." He encourages, his tone gentle yet persuasive as he begins to gather his belongings, preparing to pack his bag.

You concede, “A quick walk.”

The fresh air and the warmth of the sun against your skin felt rejuvenating after spending hours cooped up in the library. Your body ached, and your brain felt numb from the relentless studying. The only thing that kept you going was Sirius, who would slip you pieces of chocolate every time you answered a question correctly. Without him, you would have abandoned your studies hours ago.

As you walk, both of you are enveloped in a quiet tranquility, lost in your own thoughts. It's a comfortable silence, where neither of you feels compelled to fill the gaps with conversation. Instead, you simply bump into each other occasionally, exchanging shy smiles that speak volumes without a single word being uttered.

"Where are you taking me, Black?" You finally inquire, noting the direction as you pass Black Lake. You stroll leisurely, savoring the symphony of birdsong in the trees and the distant chatter of other students gradually fading into the background. Leaves shudder in response to the gentle breeze, prompting you to wrap your robes tighter around your body. Winter is approaching, and the biting chill in the air serves as a stark reminder of the season's impending arrival.

Sirius smiles in response, his expression warm and inviting, "Somewhere I think you'll like."

"Have I been there before?" You cast a glance at him, observing his wind-blown hair, cheeks flushed pink from the cold, and his bottom lip gently caught between his teeth.

"I hope not." He responds honestly, his voice carrying a hint of vulnerability. The possibility lingers, given that the boys are familiar with this field as well. The mere thought of Remus bringing you here tightens his chest. After all, you and Remus often took walks together, so it wouldn't be too surprising if he had.

Would Remus have brought you here, though? Sirius contemplates quietly. He's never heard you mention it, but he knows you would have. You've always cherished exploring the castle and eagerly shared your discoveries with the boys.

Sirius is startled when you suddenly gasp, excitement laced in your tone, "Oh my Godric. Is that a field of tulips?"

Sirius feels his heart swell at the excitement in your voice. Before he can respond, you stride ahead of him, drawn to the swath of red flowers like a magnet. He remains where he stands, content to watch you as you explore the vibrant field.

A pang of longing washes over him as he wishes he had Lily's muggle camera. This moment would undoubtedly be captured and proudly displayed above his desk among his collection of Polaroids.

"C'mere!" You call out excitedly, your hand extended towards him. Sirius grins, his heart lightening at your enthusiasm as he walks over to join you. Once he reaches you, he gladly grasps your hand, feeling a rush of warmth at the connection.

You lead him further into the field, your laughter carrying on the gentle breeze. Finally, you drop into the middle of the sea of tulips, tugging him along with you, and for a moment, the world feels suspended in the beauty of the moment.

Tilting your head towards the sun, you sigh happily. "I didn’t know this was here," you remark, your voice filled with wonder.

"Found it with the boys a couple of weeks ago." Sirius responds, his fingers idly twirling a blade of grass he plucked from the ground.

"Did you pick the tulips you gave me from here?" You inquire, your voice soft with curiosity. Sirius nods in response, a faint blush gracing his cheeks as he recalls the memory. He's relieved that your eyes are still closed, blissfully unaware of his flustered state.

For a few minutes, a comfortable silence settles between you both, allowing the tranquility of the moment to envelop you like a warm embrace.

"Can I tell you something?" You ask, tilting your head back down to look at him, your gaze soft yet curious.

"Anything," Sirius replies, his voice filled with warmth and genuine interest.

"I've never been given flowers before. Whenever you give me a tulip, it's the highlight of my day." You admit softly, shifting so you're sitting with your legs crossed, a vulnerable honesty coloring your words.

"You've never been given flowers? Ever?" Sirius questions, his surprise evident in his tone and expression. You shake your head in response, confirming his disbelief.

He can't even fathom it. How could no one ever have given you flowers before? How does the girl who constantly doodles flowers on her notes never receive them? The thought perplexes him, stirring a mix of incredulity and a newfound determination to ensure you receive the appreciation you deserve.

"Guess I'll be making up for that then." Sirius decides, his voice showing determination as he sends you a devastating smile. Your stomach flutters at the sight.

"Sirius." you say softly, drawing his attention.

"What, angel?" He responds, his tone gentle and attentive.

"Thank you. For being by my side through everything." You express with sincerity, your voice filled with gratitude. 

In the past few weeks, Sirius has been a constant presence by your side. Whenever Remus kissed Adeline, Sirius would offer a comforting touch, silently understanding your feelings. He'd weave silly stories to divert your attention from Adeline's flirtations with Remus, ensuring you never felt alone for even a moment.

He grins in response, "There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

“Nowhere else, huh?” Your tone is teasing, and Sirius merely rolls his eyes at you, a playful glint dancing in his eyes. You observe him as he picks tulips one by one, gradually assembling a bundle in his hand. Watching him put together a bouquet that you know he will give you fills you with a sense of anticipation. Everything about sitting in a field of flowers with Sirius makes you feel lightheaded as if you're caught in a blissful dream.

Come to think of it, lately, every time Sirius did something for you, it left you feeling dizzy.

"You know it's true. I ditched Hogsmeade this weekend to spend time with you in the library." Sirius says, a hint of amusement in his voice as he recalls the decision.

"That's true, but I did advise you against it. I doubt a day in the library is much of a weekend highlight for you." You reply, raising an eyebrow playfully.

"If you think seeing you surrounded by a field of flowers isn't a weekend highlight, then you're sorely mistaken. Easily a monthly highlight for me." Sirius adds, his eyes sparkling with fondness as he gazes at you amidst the scenic beauty.

“You flirt.” You giggle, your laughter echoing in the tranquil atmosphere, before reclining on the grass and shutting your eyes.

Sirius' features soften at your playful remark. "Only for my favorite girl," he responds tenderly, his voice carrying warmth and affection as he watches over you.

What started as a short walk stretched into two hours spent in the flower field, immersed in conversation and selecting the loveliest blooms together. By the end, Sirius presented you with a bundle of tulips in various hues. Upon entering your dorm room with the flowers in hand, Lily's gasp was so pronounced that it startled you.

“Tell me that Sirius got you those.”

"He picked them for me." You beam, offering the bouquet to Lily for her admiration. "I mean, I helped too, but it was mostly him.”

“Who knew that he was such a romantic?” Marlene gushed, sitting next to Lily on her bed to take a peek.

“I told you he’s into you! Look at these flowers!” Lily cried out, flopping back onto her bed with the flowers pressed into her chest. Marlene laughs from beside her.

You rolled your eyes affectionately, “We're just friends.” Marlene scoffs.

"No, you're not. That little stunt at breakfast you pulled this morning. Hugging him from behind and kissing him? Definitely not platonic." Marlene remarks, her tone teasing yet observant. Embarrassment floods through you; you hadn't planned on being so affectionate with Sirius; it just happened. You're grateful Sirius didn't bring it up; you probably would have collapsed if he had. 

"I just kissed his cheek!" you defend, feeling a blush rise to your cheeks.

Lily grins mischievously. "You should've seen how he looked at you when you walked away."

"Totally lovesick!" Marlene exclaims, adding her enthusiastic agreement to Lily's observation.

"Both of you are being ridiculous. He doesn’t have feelings for me, and even if he did, I need to get over Remus first." Taking the bouquet from Lily, you stride toward your desk to add them to your glass jar full of other flowers. You're almost out of the room. Soon you’ll have to pluck out the ones that are dropping, but you don’t have the heart to do it yet.

The girls were fully aware of the situation. You explained to them why you were so upset the morning after the party. There was no way you could have pretended like something wasn’t wrong. With Sirius sleeping in your bed and your swollen eyes, there was no hiding anything.

"First?" Lily's voice carries a hint of excitement, exchanging a giddy look with Marlene.

You pivot, leaning against your desk. "What?"

"You said first. Like once you get over Remus, you could see yourself being with Sirius."

"No, I didn't." You protest, embarrassment flooding your stomach.

Marlene's grin widens mischievously as she exchanges a knowing glance with Lily. "Oh, but you did. We both heard you."

A nervous laugh escapes your lips as you playfully roll your eyes, "Oh, fuck off, guys.” 

Your friends continue to tease you, their laughter filling the room. Perhaps you were starting to form feelings for Sirius, but you preferred to keep them close to your heart, away from the probing eyes of Lily and Marlene, who always seemed to pick up on every subtle shift in your emotions.

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

“There you are! I was worried sick!” James exclaims as Sirius opens the door to the dorm. Remus glances up from his book, while Peter remains focused on his homework, unfazed by James' dramatics. Sirius, lost in memories of his afternoon with you, barely registers James' words as he flops onto his bed, a goofy smile lingering on his lips.

It's only when James tosses his pillow at Sirius that he snaps back to reality.

“Oi! What was that for?” Sirius protests, finally acknowledging James' presence with a bemused expression.

“You’re ignoring me!” James accuses, crossing his arms.

Sirius stammers, “I wasn’t! I was just-“

James interrupts, a mischievous glint in his eyes, “Daydreaming about Y/n? What did you two get up to anyways?”

Remus stiffens, lowering his book to look at Sirius, “You were with Y/n today?”

Sirius sits back up and exchanges a tense glance with Remus, “Yeah, I was.”

He turns to James, “Helped her study a bit.” He neglects to mention the flower field, wanting to keep that memory to himself. Plus, he knows the boys will tease them every chance they get.

James stares at Sirius, incredulity flashing across his face. "That's all? Sounds boring. Should've come to Hogsmeade with us."

Sirius is about to respond when Remus interjects, his tone betraying a hint of disbelief. "I'm sorry. You turned down Hogsmeade to study? With Y/n?" His eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

"Yes." Sirius says plainly.

“I’ll ask her to study.” Remus assures, as if that would settle Sirius.

Sirius shrugs, his tone nonchalant. "No need, mate. I've got her."

Remus furrows his brow, considering Sirius's response. "I can still ask her, give her another option," he suggests casually, but there's an undertone of something that Sirius can't quite decipher.

Sirius tenses, meeting Remus's gaze head-on. He's unsure if Remus is hinting at something deeper or if he's simply offering another study option. Nevertheless, Sirius feels a pang of reluctance at the thought of giving up his time with you, even for studying.

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

Peter huffed, practically slamming himself on the couch next to you, his frustration evident in the way he dropped onto the couch. “Remus and Adeline are getting on my last nerve.”

James glanced up from where he was sitting across from you, his attention momentarily diverted from the game of cards. His eyebrows raised in curiosity as he observed Peter's demeanor. "They makin’ out in the dorm again?" he questioned, a playful grin tugging at the corners of his lips.

You turn your head to hide your reaction, your stomach churning with familiar discomfort. After nearly two months of their relationship, you still felt uneasy hearing about them together, effectively reminding you of your lingering feelings for Remus.

It would be a lie to say that your feelings for Remus hadn’t changed. In fact, you were beginning to notice a subtle shift in your perspective, a gradual easing of the discomfort that once swarmed your chest at the sight of him and Adeline together. That twinge of jealousy you used to feel when looking at them was easing up, instead being replaced by a dull ache in your chest.

You found yourself increasingly preoccupied with thoughts of Sirius, his smile and the memories of your time together occupying your mind more frequently than before. You caught yourself smiling at the little moments you shared, replaying conversations and gestures, finding comfort in the warmth of his presence even when he wasn't around.

Peter shook his head against the cushion, his expression irritated. "No, they’re bickering. They've been at it for nearly twenty minutes. Couldn’t get a damn thing done on this essay.”

James wore a look of surprise as he arched his eyebrow, “They’re fighting?”

Peter looked away from the fire to glance over at James blankly, “No, bickering. There’s a difference.” His tone is matter-of-fact and laced with frustration.

“We’ll be quiet, Peter. Work on your essay.” You promise, sending the blond boy a soft smile.

James’ lips curve in a mischievous grin, eyes lit up with amusement, “Guess all relationships have to come out of the honeymoon phase.” He quips, tone playful with satisfaction. Peter sighs, tipping his head back onto the headrest of the couch like he can’t take anymore.

“James, it’s your turn.” You call, the gentle tap of your pointer finger against the cards catches his attention. His eyes flicker down to the cards sprawled between you both before glancing back up at you.

“Did you at least appreciate my pun?” He asks, a hopeful upturn of his lips present.

“It was wonderful.” You affirm, voice soft as if you’re telling a young child that their artwork is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen.

James’s face lights up with a satisfied smile, and his voice is full of teasing gratitude, “Thank you, Y/n. I knew you would have my back.”

“What does she have your back about?” Sirius’ voice cuts through the air, his sudden appearance causing you and James to glance over at him. Peter opens one eye as Sirius sits on the couch next to him.

James stares at the cards while debating his next move, “She appreciates me for who I am. Maybe you should take some notes from her.” 

Sirius hardly hears James. Instead, his eyes flicker over to you. He finds himself entranced by the subtle movements of your features, the way your eyebrows furrow in playful impatience as you await James to decide. The glow from the fire is dancing over your face, and he has the urge to reach out and touch your cheek, tracing over where the heat has touched. You look gorgeous like this, drenched in the soft light of the fire and so at ease. The words are at the tip of his tongue, but he swallows them down.

As your eyes meet his, a gentle smile graces your lips, and Sirius feels his stomach flip and heart stutter. You’re looking at him with so much warmth that you could rival the fire next to you, and he knows he never wants to forget the way you’re looking at him.

Amidst the crackle of the fire and the soft murmurs of the surrounding conversations, it’s then that Sirius is struck by the sudden realization that sends shockwaves throughout his entire body. He is hit with the truth that he’s been avoiding for ages; he is entirely and desperately in love with you.

Sirius grapples with a fact that feels almost suffocating in its intensity. His gaze falls to his lap, the reality of his situation weighing heavily upon him. He’s in love with a girl who holds feelings for someone else. Not just someone else, but Remus. His best mate, who, as of lately, has shown increasing concern about the nature of your relationship with Sirius. The way he pinches his brows together when you laugh at a joke Sirius makes, the subtle shifts in his demeanor whenever you show Sirius affection- it’s all Sirius can focus on. Remus sees you in a different light, and it’s making Sirius uneasy.

And so, he sits in silence, grappling with the truth that he’s fallen for a girl that will never be his.

“Sirius,” You say softly, your hand gently resting atop his, hoping to bring him back from his thoughts. His eyes dart up to meet yours, and you smile softly. “You okay? You’re quiet.”

No, he isn’t. 

But instead, he offers a reassuring smile and squeezes your hand, “I’m okay, angel. Just tired.”

“Not too tired to lose to me in cards, are you?” James interjects, sporting a cocky grin and cracking his knuckles in intimidation. “I’m tired of playing with Y/n. She wins every time.”

Sirius laughs, hauling himself off the couch to sit beside you both before shuffling the cards.

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

“Y/n.” You startle at Remus’ voice, nearly spilling your cup of tea down your front. He sends you a soft smile, sitting beside you on the couch. You set your tea on the table next to you. Sitting up and shifting your legs to the side and underneath you, you make room for him. The way you were stretched out before hardly allowed him any room.

“Rem.” You greet him, sending him a gentle smile. The corners of his mouth lift at the nickname; he hasn’t heard it for a while.

He leans back against the couch, gaze firm on you, “How was your day?” His voice is gentle and soothing. His voice was always one of your favorite things about him, always a source of comfort to you.

“It’s been alright, not too much to say about it,” Your left shoulder lifts up into a shrug, and you rest your right arm against the couch to prop your head up. Bodies both facing each other. “How was yours?”

“James nearly singed off my eyebrows in potions,” He says amusedly. He’s got bags under his, and his body seems tired. You cringe when you remember the full moon was just a few days ago.

“Not entirely surprising,” You remark with a laugh, mind trailing to all the times James had proved himself not the best partner. As much as you loved James, his tendency to get distracted had cost you during classes plenty of times before. 

“How’s Adeline?” You ask politely, the words coming out with practiced ease despite the uncomfortable feeling in your stomach. Remus’s smile falters, and he lets out a sigh, gaze drifting away from you.

“I don’t know.” He admits, hand coming up to run through his hair. He won’t meet your eye.

“You don’t know?” Your brow is quirks in curiosity, and genuine concern is etched onto your features. Memories of Peter complaining about the two bickering flickers back from a week ago.

“She’s not happy,” Remus confesses, his tone is heavy with resignation. “Disappearing for a couple days doesn’t exactly make me boyfriend of the year.”

You nod sympathetically. You understand, if you were in the dark about your boyfriend’s whereabouts for a couple days, you would be upset as well.

“Are you going to tell her?” You asked gently. It felt weird to talk to Remus again after going nearly two months without much interaction. All your time used to be spent with Remus, but Sirius seems to have taken that spot nowadays.

His gaze meets yours as he nervously bites at his bottom lip, he seems apprehensive, “I don’t know if she could handle it.”

“Rem,” You begin, voice soft and resolute, a reflection of the support you have always offered him. Despite the change in your relationship, your commitment to being there for him remains. “She deserves to know, especially if the two of you want to be together.”

His brows are pinched tightly together as he wrings his hands together, “What if she doesn’t take it well? What if she tells-”

You interject gently, “You’ve been dating two months, you should have a feel for how she would react.” 

He meets your eye with an uncertainty, “Y/n.”

“Yeah?” You respond, voice quiet.

“I don’t know if I can tell her. I don’t think it will be as easy as telling you was.”

“You shouldn’t compare her to me.”

“But I do.” Remus whispers, the gravity of his admission catching you off guard. His shoulders are hunched over as he rests his elbows on his knees, hands still nervously wringing together as he looks over at you.

Your breath is caught in your throat. You break eye contact to clear your throat, shifting uneasily on the couch.

“Adeline is your girlfriend, and I’m just your friend. You really shouldn’t compare us, Rem. If you want to be with Adeline, you should really think about telling her.” You murmur, truth stinging as it leaves your mouth.

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

Marlene sighs, her voice laced with playful incredulity, "Sometimes I wonder how James Potter managed to get you." Sirius barks out a laugh from his spot across from you, his amusement echoing around the room. Lily's mischievous grin widens as she shoots a playful wink at Marlene, enjoying the banter.

"I'm a damn catch, McKinnon!" James retorts dramatically, pulling Lily even closer into his side, the affection between them palpable. Lily leans up to press a kiss on James’ jaw, a tender moment amidst the playful teasing.

"That lapdance you just gave your girlfriend? Horrific." Marlene shakes her head with exaggerated disdain, her expression a mix of amusement and mock disgust.

"If you didn't wanna see it, then you wouldn't have dared me to do it," James fires back with a smirk, the competitive edge still in his tone.

You're all gathered in a circle, indulging in a juvenile game of truth or dare. The boys took charge, rearranging the furniture into a circle so everyone could sit comfortably.

Marlene had insisted upon it, likely hoping to be roped into a dare that would bring her closer to Dorcas. 

You're seated on one of the couches beside Lily, with James on her other side and Peter beside him. Adeline occupies the space to Peter’s left, seated next to Remus on one of the smaller couches. Sirius has claimed an armchair for himself. Marlene and Dorcas are cozied up in another armchair, much to Marlene's delight over the seating arrangement.

While Remus had yet to tell Adeline about his lycanthropy, he was attempting to make amends with her. You sent him a sweet smile and thumbs up when you saw them walking in together. It was clearly tense between the two, but that was to be expected.

Amidst the laughter and playful exchanges, you had failed to notice the tension simmering between Sirius and Remus, evident in the disgruntled glances they exchanged at being seated next to each other.

James turns to you with a devious grin, “My sweet Y/n, you will be picking dare.”

“Excuse me? You can’t pick for me!” You retort, sending James an incredulous look.

“But I have the best dare for you!” James insists, leaning closer with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“No.” You refuse, shaking your head slightly.

“Y/n, please.” He pleads, attempting to send you puppy dog eyes. Marlene snorts from beside you.

Lily sighs, “Y/n, do the dare. He will beg you all night.” You roll your eyes, letting out a sigh that immediately lets James know you have given in.

“Kiss the person you are most attracted to in this room.” Your stomach sinks like a stone, regretting your lack of resistance to James. The group around you comes alive with oohs, except for Remus and Sirius, who sit uneasily, their expressions displaying discomfort.

“Absolutely not. I can’t!” Sirius feels sick. You’re refusing because you can’t kiss Remus- that has to be it. 

“Sorry, can’t back out now! Make your way over to the lucky person.” James sounds far too cheery to be sorry.

The tension in the air becomes palpable as everyone awaits your decision. You draw in a deep breath, summoning your courage before rising to your feet and crossing the room toward him. The anticipation is almost tangible as your friends murmur excitedly, their eyes fixed on you.

You come to a sudden halt, feeling your knees bump against his as he instinctively sits straighter in his chair. Sensing your approach, he spreads his thighs slightly, silently inviting you to take the space between them. His demeanor shifts, a mix of anticipation and apprehension evident in his expression.

"Might make it easier if you sit in his lap." Marlene suggests with a mischievous grin, earning a pointed glare from you over your shoulder.

"You can, angel," he murmurs sweetly, reaching out to gently grasp your hand, his touch reassuring and electric. 

You let out a shaky sigh, feeling a rush of nerves as you ease yourself into his lap, your knees sinking into the cushion and your thighs naturally bracketing his. Ignoring the whistles and playful comments that ring out from your friends, you focus on the warmth of his body beneath you, the steady rhythm of his breath, and the way his hands hover uncertainly before settling lightly on your hips.

"We're waiting!" James calls out, amusement laced in his tone, his eyes sparkling with mischief. Feeling a rush of determination, you gently bring your hand to his cheek, the warmth of his skin sending a shiver down your spine and lowering your head towards his. He's quick to meet you, his breath mingling with yours, noses bumping softly in a moment of sweet anticipation.

He's patient, his breath mixing with yours as he waits for you to make the first move. With a tender touch, you tilt your face closer, feeling the gentle brush of your lips against his in the softest kiss. For a fleeting moment, you both linger there, foreheads pressed together, lost in the moment’s intimacy.

“Tell me this isn’t because you couldn’t kiss him.” His voice is raspy, filled with longing, sending your mind spiraling. His voice is quiet, ensuring that no one will hear him but you.

“You’re the only one I thought of.” You admit softly, hoping you don’t sound nearly as wrecked as you feel.

Sirius surges forward, his lips meeting yours with a passion that catches you off guard, causing a surprised moan to settle in your throat, lost in the whirlwind of sensations and emotions. Your friends' whistles and hollers fade into the background, overshadowed by the intensity of your focus on Sirius.

Your fingers weave through his hair, a silent plea to draw him closer, to merge the space between you. His hand glides from your hip, settling tenderly against your cheek, his thumb tracing gentle circles across your skin. When you roll your hips involuntarily, Sirius lets out a tortured groan and your blood simmers.

"Okay, okay! We've seen enough!" James hollers, his voice breaking you both out of the moment. As James's voice echoes through the air, you part from Sirius, the gravity of what you have both just done settles in. Your chests heave in unison, lips swollen from kisses and cheeks flushed.

Frozen, you and Sirius sit there, stunned, oblivious to the teasing of your friends. The air crackles with tension as you both lock gazes, the desire to lean in and kiss him again overwhelming you.

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

Your mind remains frazzled in the aftermath of kissing Sirius. No matter how much you attempt to push it away, it's as though your body stubbornly clings to the memory of his lips upon yours, as if you're still nestled in his lap, feeling the gentle pressure of his hands on your hips. Both of you exchanged shy smiles as you gently slid off his lap, yet inside, your stomach churned with disappointment at the prospect of returning to your previous seat. Truthfully, you wanted to linger longer, to settle beneath his arm, and remain close to him.

In all honesty, Remus didn't even flicker into your thoughts when James issued his dare. The realization of this truth sends a shiver down your spine. When had Sirius managed to steal the place in your thoughts that Remus had held for so long?

Perhaps it was in the way he had cared for you like no one else ever had.

The sight of a steaming cup of tea, reliably waiting for you in your designated spot at the table. Even when he could have been enjoying himself in Hogsmeade, he chose to stay behind and help you study, just because you mentioned not having Remus to study with. And the simple yet heartfelt gesture of presenting you with fresh tulips just because you mentioned you had never gotten flowers before.

How had you moved on from Remus without even noticing? Perhaps that subtle ache in your chest whenever you glanced at Remus and Adeline stemmed from the change in friendship between you both. Maybe those tear-filled initial weeks spent with Sirius comforting you were a form of grieving the relationship that could never be with Remus. 

While Sirius helped you to get over Remus, he had been gently guiding you toward developing feelings for him instead without even realizing it.

After watching your kiss with Sirius, Remus withdrew from the game entirely. The memory of your intimate moment with Sirius replayed incessantly in his mind, each repetition adding to the sting in his chest. In a fleeting moment of vulnerability, he had allowed himself to entertain the hope that it might have been him you chose to kiss. However, the presence of Adeline at his side swiftly extinguished that flicker of optimism, leaving him feeling profoundly disappointed and conflicted with himself.

The sight of Sirius enveloping you in his arms, and the undeniable chemistry between the two of you, stirred a thick feeling of dread in his stomach.

Each soft kiss, each exchanged glance, seemed to intensify the bitter pang of jealousy gnawing at his insides. It was as though a veil had been lifted, revealing a reality he had been trying to deny—the depth of his feelings for you. And the realization that he might lose you for good.

"Remus! Truth or dare?" Dorcas inquired, her eyes alight with mischief.

Remus let out a resigned sigh; he wasn't particularly in the mood to deal with a dare.

"Truth," he replied, hoping for a relatively simple question.

Dorcas wasted no time in posing her question, a soft smile playing on her lips. "Who was your first big crush?"

The simplicity of the question drew an immediate protest from James. "Lame!" he squawked, his tone dripping with dissatisfaction. "Ask him something better."

Marlene swiftly came to Dorcas's defense, her voice laced with defiance. "Back off, James," she retorted sharply. "She can ask whatever the hell she wants,” She bit out before turning to Dorcas. “Great question, love." Her words sounded entirely lovesick.

"Uh, my first big crush was Y/n." Remus confessed, his gaze darting toward you, eager to gauge your reaction amidst the tension. However, he failed to notice the subtle tensing of Adeline beside him, her expression morphing into one of disbelief as his words hung in the air.

Your brows furrowed, a mixture of confusion and frustration etched across your features as you processed Remus's unexpected admission. The weight of his words lingered, casting a palpable awkwardness over the group as you responded with an unimpressed look.

Sirius felt a surge of nausea rising within him, his gaze narrowing at Remus before anxiously darting over to you, waiting with bated breath to see how you would react to Remus's unexpected confession. Each second felt like an eternity as he searched for any sign of your thoughts or emotions, his heart pounding in his chest with a mixture of dread and anticipation.

As he watched your expression carefully, Sirius couldn't help but wonder what you were thinking. Were you filled with hope at his confession? Did you still want him?

“That’s not funny, Rem.” You retort, sending him an entirely unimpressed look.

“I’m not joking.” He insists, his voice has a hint of vulnerability in it. Adeline sends him an incredulous look, but his eyes are solely trained on you.

“That’s bullshit.” You countered, your voice laced with frustration as you pushed back. The tension between you and Remus was palpable, your friends watching both of you carefully. Unsure if they should intervene or not.

“It’s not. Started fourth year, I liked you for years.” Remus confesses, hand tugging through his hair in frustration.

“You said you would never have feelings for me.” Your brows are pinched in disbelief, your voice filled with hurt and frustration.

Remus looks entirely confused, “What are you talking about?”

“With Peter! At the party like a month ago.” You exclaim, memory fresh in your mind. While your feelings for Remus may have faded, the pain from his words hadn’t.

Remus shakes his head slowly, eyes searching yours for understanding, “I never said that, love.”

“You did. You told Peter, ‘I don’t think I could ever think about Y/n like that.’” You reiterated, your voice tinged with disappointment as Remus’s expression faltered, his own words echoing back to him.

“You didn’t hear the rest then.” He says, his voice filled with regret and desperation for you to understand.

Your frustration has bubbled to the surface, “Oh, great. So glad I didn’t stay to hear you continue about how awful it is that everyone thought we would end up together.” Your words are a mixture of sarcasm and hurt

"Y/n, I-" Remus began, his voice trailing off as you cut him off with a sharp interruption.

"Do you know what that feels like? To hear your best friend talk about you with so much disgust?" you demanded, the hurt evident in your voice as you confronted him head-on.

"I wasn’t disgusted!" Remus protested, his own frustration rising to meet yours. "You didn’t hear the rest!" he insisted, his tone tinged with desperation as he struggled to convey his side of the story.

"What else did you say?" It was Adeline who broke the tense silence, her voice cutting through the air like a knife. Remus's gaze shifted to her, startled by her sudden interjection. Her expression was one of disbelief, her brows furrowed and her arms crossed tightly over her chest, a silent testament to her own confusion and dismay at the unfolding situation.

"I said I didn’t think I could think about you like that because of-" Remus's voice faltered, his words hanging in the charged air. You leaned forward, your frustration palpable as you awaited his explanation, your gaze unwavering as you demanded clarity.

"Because of what, Remus?" You pressed, the tension thickening with each passing moment. Remus's eyes darted briefly to Sirius, a flicker of hesitation betraying his inner turmoil, but you caught the movement.

Sensing the rising tension, you glanced over at Sirius, who watches Remus with a tense look. His expression carried a silent message. Urging Remus to choose his words carefully.

“Don’t you fucking dare.” Sirius grits out, his voice laced with a raw edge of warning. Remus's uncertainty is evident as he grapples with what he’s just implied.

“Do you still have feelings for her?” Adeline's voice trembles with devastation as she poses the question, her heart laid bare in the vulnerability of the moment. Sirius's reaction is immediate; he stands up abruptly, his movements tense with unspoken frustration as he strides towards the stairs, refusing to linger for Remus's response.

“Sirius.” You call out desperately, rising to your feet swiftly to intercept him. He starts heading for his dorm, but you gently grab his wrist and guide him toward yours instead. Without a word, he follows your lead until you reach your door, both of you stepping inside quietly.

Sirius doesn’t utter a word, his silence filling the space between you as he leans back against your door. His head tilts upward, his gaze fixed on the ceiling as if searching for answers in its expanse. 

You step closer, closing the distance between you, your footsteps echoing softly in the quiet room. With a gentle touch, you place your hand on his cheek, a tender gesture designed to draw his attention back to you. You find yourself more preoccupied with Sirius than the recent events downstairs. Dealing with the situation involving Remus can wait; at this moment, your main concern is resolving things with Sirius.

He lets out a sigh, the weight of his emotions palpable as he drops his gaze from the ceiling to meet yours. "I'm sorry," he murmurs, his voice laced with a mixture of remorse and vulnerability.

You can't help but laugh incredulously at his apology, the sound carrying a blend of surprise and amusement. "What are you sorry for?" You inquire, your tone gentle yet tinged with curiosity, as you search his eyes for the answer.

He sighs, “That you found out this way.”

“About what?” You both know that you already know the answer but that you just want him to say it.

“About Remus’s feelings for you, about my feelings for you.” Sirius admits, his voice soft as he swallows harshly.

You take a deliberate step closer to him, closing the gap between you with a sense of purpose. "And what are your feelings for me?" you repeat, your tone carrying a playful lilt, a silent challenge lingering in your words, daring him to bare his heart to you.

"Y/n," he pleads softly, his hands instinctively finding their place on your hips, drawing you closer to him just an inch. “Remus pretty much spelled it out, didn’t he?”

"I don’t want to hear it from Remus, I want to hear it from you.” You assert, your voice tinged with determination as you press closer to him. His eyes flit down to the diminishing space between your bodies.

He sighs, a soft exhalation laden with unspoken emotions, “You drive me crazy.” He confesses, shaking his head in gentle disbelief. A grin spreads across your face, your heart lightening at the familiar banter between you.

"Yeah? Is that all?" you tease, a playful glint in your eyes as your arms rise to encircle his neck, drawing him closer.

His gaze softens, a hint of vulnerability shining through as he meets your eyes. "I’m crazy about you, have been since the moment I met you." He confesses, his voice filled with sincerity and warmth.

His words ignite a flutter of excitement in the pit of your stomach, a giddiness that bubbles up from within. Unable to contain the surge of emotions, you rise onto your toes, closing the gap between you as your lips meet his in a gentle kiss. He lets out a surprised hum, circling his arms around your waist and hauling you into him.

He pulls back slightly, resting his forehead on yours, his expression tinged with uncertainty, "Y/n,” He murmurs, his voice laced with apprehension, “I can’t do this if you still want Remus.”

You pull back slightly, creating a small space between you yet maintaining the intimacy of your connection as you gaze into his eyes. "Do you think I would have followed you if I still wanted Remus?" You inquire softly, your voice imbued with sincerity.

"I meant every word when I told you that you were the only one I thought of for James’ dare." You continue, your words carrying a gentle reassurance, seeking to dispel any lingering doubts or insecurities that may linger between you.

"I want you, Sirius." You whisper earnestly, your voice soft yet resolute, laying bare your desires and intentions as you seek clarity and connection with him.

The smile he gives you is radiant, brimming with unabridged happiness, illuminating his features with an undeniable warmth that reflects the depth of his emotions.

"I've been dreaming of you saying that for ages." You squeal with uncontainable delight as he dips down and scoops you up, your legs instinctively circling his waist. Together, you embark on a journey towards your bed, his steps sure and purposeful, each movement imbued with a sense of anticipation and excitement.

He settles onto the bed, seating you gently in his lap, and you can't help but giggle uncontrollably, the sound filling the room with infectious joy as you revel in the sheer exhilaration of the moment shared between you.

As you lean down and press your lips onto his, he exhales softly, as if shedding all his worries, finding true peace in the gentle brush of your lips against his. He's never encountered a feeling of rightness as profound as this throughout his life. He is completely done for.

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

Lily and Marlene didn't return to the dorm last night. After the awkward end to your game of truth or dare, you assumed they were giving you some space. And frankly, you were grateful for it. 

You weren't eager to delve into the topic of Remus confessing his past feelings for you. Although he didn't explicitly reveal whether or not those feelings still lingered, the reactions from both Adeline and Sirius served as a telling response.

You knew that a conversation with Remus was inevitable. Yet nervousness gnawed at you. What if there was no salvaging what remained of your friendship? Despite the awkwardness of the past few months, the desire to keep him in your life persisted, making the conversation all the more important.

The night unfolded with you and Sirius intertwined, lost in stolen kisses and hushed conversations within the dimly lit dorm. You had never felt so content in your whole life. Being with Sirius felt like a breath of fresh air. There were no lingering doubts about his feelings; his actions spoke volumes, leaving no room for uncertainty. Reflecting on the past, you couldn't help but wonder how you had ever been so blind to his affections.

“You almost ready m’love?” Sirius called, casting a glance your way as he deftly tied his tie in front of your mirror.

His endearment sent a flutter through your heart. It felt as though the kiss with Sirius last night had unleashed a torrent of emotions, flooding your senses with newfound intensity. It sent a thrill through your body, yet you felt somewhat disheartened as well. How had you managed to overlook Sirius for so long? He had been there all along, yet you found yourself pining over Remus, who had seemed indifferent to your feelings.

"Yeah, whenever you’re ready." You offered a soft smile as you slipped on your final shoe, steadying yourself with a gentle grip on the bedpost.

You rose to your full height, crossing the distance to Sirius, who advanced to meet you halfway, his hands finding their place on your hips. You encircled your arms around his neck, drawing yourself nearer to him. He smiled warmly down at you, delicately tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear before returning his hand to your hip.

"How do you want to go about this?" Sirius asked his brow furrowing with a hint of unease, his gaze searching yours for guidance.

Your brow pinched in confusion, "Go about what? Us?" For a brief moment, the idea crossed your mind – did Sirius want to go back to the way things were before? However, that thought evaporated as quickly as it appeared when you recalled the firmness of his embrace, the intensity in his gaze fixed upon you.

He nodded, his expression softening with concern. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I understand things might be tense with Remus, and I don’t want to make it harder for you."

"You know what I want?" Sirius tightened his embrace, prompting you to elaborate. "I want you to treat me like I’m yours, show everyone that we’re together. I couldn't care less about what anyone thinks." Both of you understood that anyone referred to Remus. Sirius remained silent, his gaze fixed on you, his expression indecipherable.

Your expression shifted to one of uncertainty, your brows furrowing slightly as you sought clarification. "We're together, right?" You asked, your voice tinged with a hint of vulnerability, searching his eyes for confirmation. 

Sirius's smile radiated such genuine warmth that a flutter of attraction danced in your stomach, “Yeah, baby. We’re together.” He couldn't fathom that he held you, his dream girl, in his arms, asking him if the two of you were together. It took him a moment to fully grasp the reality of the moment. 

He continued, “Don’t think that I’m not going to properly ask you to be mine, though, because I will. I promise.”

Unable to resist, you leaned in, capturing his lips with your own. Instantly, he responded, returning the kiss with equal fervor and intention.

With a reluctant sigh, you pulled away, your fingers lingering against his cheek as you whispered, "We need to get to breakfast."

"I think I can starve." Sirius shrugged nonchalantly, a mischievous glint dancing in his eyes as he leaned down to capture your lips once more.

You couldn't help but giggle, gently pushing him away, "Stop it, we gotta go. We’re going to be late." You insisted, a hint of laughter dancing in your voice as you playfully nudged him towards the door, the lingering taste of his kiss still tingling on your lips.

As you entered the common room, a wave of surprise washed over you at the sight of all your friends gathered, comfortably sprawled across the couches and armchairs. You slowed to a stop, catching Sirius off guard as he turned to follow your gaze, his eyes widening in surprise as they landed on the familiar faces of your friends.

"We wanted to make sure you two were okay after last night," Lily paused, her gaze piercing as she shot a pointed glare at Remus, who visibly shrank into the couch cushions. He appeared exhausted as if he hadn't slept all night, and you couldn't help but notice Adeline's absence beside him. 

"But it looks like everything is good?" Lily continued, her voice hopeful as her eyes dropped down to where your hand intertwined with Sirius'.

"Everything's fine," you affirm, offering a soft smile as Sirius squeezes your hand reassuringly. "But I need to talk to you, Rem. Alone.” You add, your tone gentle yet firm, conveying the importance of the coming conversation.

Sirius is the first to break the tense silence, shifting slightly while the others remain rooted in place, their eyes flitting between Remus and you. The atmosphere feels charged with unease, and you can sense the weight of Lily's unspoken words lingering in the air, knowing full well she gave Remus a piece of her mind the moment you left last night.

Before he can move away, you pull him back, your hand gently tugging him closer as you press your lips to his. A surprised sound escapes him before his hands come up to hold your cheeks. Remus clenches his jaw, unable to watch as you both melt into each other. 

James lets out a low, appreciative whistle, and Lily suppresses a smile behind her hand. Peter and Dorcas avert their gaze shyly while Marlene beams at the sight of Sirius melting into you. It's evident that they're all on Team Sirius.

As you both draw back, your gazes locked in mutual adoration, Sirius places another swift kiss on your lips. "I'll have your tea waiting for you," he promises softly.

A bright smile spreads across your face. "Thank you," you reply, your voice filled with warmth and gratitude.

As Sirius finally draws back, the others follow suit. James is already by his best friend's side, chatting animatedly. Lily and Marlene exchange knowing grins with you, silently promising a conversation later. Meanwhile, Peter and Dorcas trail behind, engaging in casual conversation as they meander along.

You sigh, bracing yourself for what promises to be an awkward conversation, and then take a seat beside Remus on the couch. The tension in the air is palpable, amplified by the near emptiness of the common room. Remus sits up straight, stealing a glance in your direction, his demeanor reflecting the unease of the moment.

“Are you okay?” Remus looks mildly surprised, that wasn’t the first thing he expected you to ask.

He clears his throat nervously, “Uh, I’ve been better, honestly. Are you?” 

He observes as you gracefully draw your legs onto the couch, tucking them underneath you. Finally, you meet his gaze, and he's momentarily taken aback by your beauty. A pang of regret hits him like a wave – he wishes he had confronted his feelings for you earlier. Perhaps then, it would have been him sharing kisses with you instead of watching you with his best mate.

"I'm good." Remus watches as you absentmindedly bring your fingers up to brush against your lips, a lovesick expression softening your features. You appear momentarily lost in thought, a dazed quality to your gaze. 

Clearing your throat, you shake off your thoughts, "But I'm disappointed about last night. What on hell was that?"

"Y/n," Remus's voice quivered with sincerity as he addressed you, his eyes reflecting the remorse weighing heavily upon him. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to upset you." He whispered, the words thick with sincerity.. 

You sighed, the weight of your frustration and disappointment lacing your tone, "And Adeline?" Remus looked startled. In the wake of you rushing to follow Sirius, Adeline had bravely broached the subject of his feelings towards you. Caught off guard, Remus found himself grappling for words, acutely aware of his friends' scrutinizing gazes, which bore a mixture of astonishment and disapproval. His hesitation was a silent confession to Adeline, who gathered her belongings swiftly, her departure punctuating the air with an unspoken disappointment. In the ensuing silence, Remus remained rooted, torn between pursuing you and granting you the space he sensed you needed. Regrettably, the thought of going after Adeline hadn't even crossed his mind amidst the dread sitting heavy in his stomach. Remus understood he had messed up, and the weight of his mistake hung heavy upon him.

“She left. I don’t blame her, I hurt her. Who gets a girlfriend when they have feelings for someone else?” A laugh escaped Remus, laden with incredulity. 

His words prompted you to avert your gaze, a subtle gesture betraying the unease settling in the pit of your stomach. The acknowledgment that his feelings for you still lingered left you with an odd feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Silence settles between you both, and it's excruciatingly awkward.

“I’m falling in love with Sirius,” You blurt out, nervously stealing a glance at him, eager to gauge his reaction. “I just, I need you to know that there’s no way anything could’ve happened between us. A couple months ago it would’ve been entirely different. But I was devastated, Rem. Do you know how hard it was for me to watch you be with Adeline? How much that hurt? And then you just admit you have feelings in front of everyone no less, like it wasn’t a big deal. In front of your girlfriend, who clearly cares so much about you. I don’t understand.”

"Dorcas asked—" He began, his voice sounded shaky.

"But you could've passed, or chosen to say another old crush's name!" Your interjection cut through the air, sharp and pointed.

"But there wasn't anyone else." He countered, his words tinged with a hint of desperation.

"Remus." His name hung in the air, heavy with frustration. You sent him with a glare heavy with irritation, and the intensity of your gaze churned a nauseating knot in his stomach.

"I was jealous, okay? To see Sirius hold you and kiss you like I have always wanted was awful. I couldn’t get you out of my head, and then Dorcas asked, and I just said your name."

"Godric, Rem!" You huffed, frustration coloring your tone. "If you had just told me months ago, we could’ve avoided this entire mess." Remus opened his mouth to speak, but you interjected, your words tumbling out with raw emotion. "But at the same time? I’m so grateful that you didn’t tell me, and that Sirius was there, because then I would’ve missed out on a guy who was never afraid to show me that I was his first choice.”

Remus remained silent, his gaze fixed intently on his intertwined fingers. You sat tense on the couch beside him, the air heavy with unresolved tension.

Remus’ eyes are filled with tears when he turns to you, “I know there’s no chance for us anymore, but Y/n, I don’t want to lose you as my best friend. Not having you around the last couple months have been hard. I miss you, and I understand if you’re not ready for that or don’t even want to be my friend. But Y/n, I will do anything to make this up to you.”

 You felt a lump form in your throat, a wave of emotions threatening to overwhelm you. With a harsh sigh, you turned to Remus, your gaze a mixture of hurt and determination.

"Our friendship won't be fixed right away," you admitted, the words weighted with the frustration that had been simmering beneath the surface. "I'm still frustrated with you." You confessed, your voice tinged with the raw honesty of your emotions.

“Y/n, I’ll do everything to make it up to you. I know everything won’t go back to the way it was, but I just want to be your friend.” His words carry genuine remorse, and you crack.

“Remus, come here.” You extended your arms toward him and Remus engulfs you in his embrace, his fervor nearly knocking you off balance.

You're both holding onto each other tightly, finding comfort in having each other back. A few tears escape your eyes, tracing silent paths down your cheeks as you find solace in the warmth of his embrace.

"I missed you too." You mumble softly into his chest, your words muffled by the fabric of his shirt.

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

The familiar ease you once shared with Remus doesn't return immediately, but both of you are committed to rebuilding your friendship, to rediscovering that ease and comfort your relationship used to provide. But the effort that is being made means the world to you. 

And so it begins with catching up on reading together. You sit beside Remus on the plush couch, matching copies of a book cradled in your hands as you both immerse yourselves in its pages. Nearby, Marlene and Lily are nestled by the crackling fire, engaged in animated conversation about Marlene's impending decision to finally ask Dorcas out. Peter lounges lazily in an armchair, a contented smile playing on his lips as he indulges in chocolates, his attention drifting between the gossip and the flickering flames.

Sirius's laughter rings out, drawing your gaze toward him like a magnet. You shift your focus to the common room entrance, where Sirius and James have just arrived, their hair still damp from their post-practice showers.

You sit up straighter, a subtle movement, that draws Remus's attention to you. Following your gaze, Remus's eyes shift in the direction of Sirius, who is in the midst of a hearty laugh spurred on by James's joke. However, as Sirius turns and locks eyes with you, his laughter fades into a tender smile, his expression melting into one of affection and adoration. James catches sight of Lily across the room and wastes no time in making his way over to her, his trademark mischievous grin already in place.

"James!" Lily cries out, her voice a mixture of exasperation and amusement, as she dodges away from the curly-headed boy who is shaking his dripping wet hair over her. Marlene's laughter fills the air, and Dorcas grins from beside her. Despite Lily's attempts to escape, James encircles his arms around her waist, drawing her back against his chest, his satifsfied grin matching her infectious laughter. 

“I can’t stand you, James Potter.” Lily sighs, leaning back against James and shaking her head disapprovingly.

Sirius laughs, watching Lily pretend to be annoyed with James, before settling into the seat beside you, a comfortable familiarity enveloping the space between you. When he leans in to press a gentle kiss against your lips, you instinctively lean into his touch, savoring the warmth of his affection. Remus's gaze momentarily drifts away, a subtle pang of jealousy tugging at his chest as he watches the way you lean into his best mate.

In truth, Remus found himself uncertain of his standing with Sirius. Him and Remus were limited in their interactions lately, both boys feeling tense around the other. Unbeknownst to you, Remus flinched involuntarily every time Sirius drew near to you, displaying his lingering feelings for you. Sirius, though not proud of it, found himself grappling with a twinge of possessiveness whenever Remus was close to you. 

Sirius pulled back slightly, a warm smile gracing his features as he met your gaze, "Hi, m'love." He murmured softly, his voice laced with affection and tenderness.

You couldn't help but return his grin, feeling a rush of warmth at his endearing greeting, "Hi." You replied, your voice filled with warmth and fondness, mirroring the affection reflected in his eyes.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Sirius's voice broke the silence, his arm casually draping around your shoulder, drawing you into his side. Your book lay forgotten as his presence captivated your attention.

"Just some studying." You replied, the thought of books and lectures suddenly fading into insignificance.

Sirius leaned in closer, his lips grazing against your ear as he whispered, "I wanna take you somewhere tomorrow." The words stirred memories of a few months ago when you were seated on this very couch with him, grappling with the heartache of trying to move on from Remus.

"Will this be a date?" You asked, unable to contain the excitement bubbling in your voice.

"Yes, angel." Sirius replied, his words soft and tender as he pressed a gentle kiss to your temple. A radiant grin spread across your face as you reached for your book once more, the anticipation of the upcoming date dancing in your thoughts.

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。.

Almost a week slips by before you and Sirius manage to carve out time for a long-awaited date. As Sirius leads you on a walk, your heart swells with emotion when you realize he's taking you to the tulip field. Despite the lingering chill in the air, the sight of the vibrant flowers and the sun's gentle rays reflecting off Black Lake fills you with warmth.

"You're such a romantic." You giggle, leaning into Sirius even more. He responds with a bashful smile, his cheeks tinged pink. You're not sure if it's from the cold or your teasing.

"I didn't know if it would be a good place for a date or not." He admits, his cheeks coloring with embarrassment. He had spent the last week agonizing over where to take you. When he ranted to Peter about it, Peter simply shrugged and suggested Hogsmeade. Sirius had scoffed, his tone teasing yet earnest, telling him he better step it up if he wanted to impress a girl.

"Sirius, this is the cutest spot for a date. Plus, it has meaning to us." You tell him sincerely, and Sirius feels his heart flutter at the term us. He wonders if he'll ever get over the fact that he has his dream girl in his arms, looking at him the same way he looks at you.

As you draw closer, the perfumed air carries the unmistakable scent of spring, and the gentle buzzing of bumblebees near the flowers fills your ears. The sounds evoke a sense of nostalgia, transporting you back to your childhood days spent playing in the garden.

"Merlin, I was so stressed about it. I've never planned a date before. I mean, I've gone on dates, but I've never felt this determined to impress someone as much as I have with you," he sighs as if releasing all of his pent-up stress. "I even asked Peter where I should take you."

"Did you? Well, I think this is perfect." You grin, withdrawing your hand from his to lay out the blanket. The thought of crushing tulips under the blanket makes you cringe, so you search for a barren patch to place it over. With care, you shake out the blanket, letting it flutter gracefully before plopping onto it.

Leaning back on your palms, you watch Sirius, who remains standing where you left him, your copy of Pride and Prejudice in his hands. A soft smile graces his lips as he gazes at you as if you're everything he's ever dreamed of.

"Are you going to join me or just stare?" You question, patting the spot next to you invitingly.

"I quite like staring at you." He grins, sending you his famous smile. 

He sits down next to you before laying back and allowing the sun to settle on his skin. The warmth of the rays feels comforting, especially after the last couple of days filled with rain. The melodic songs of birds in the surrounding trees and the sound of your gentle movements create a soothing ambiance, putting him at ease.

You shift, settling onto your back, your eyes tracing the patterns of the soft clouds as they leisurely drift across the vast expanse of the sky. The birds' playful chirps and flutters among the trees add to the serene atmosphere. Sirius follows suit, adjusting his position to face you. As he watches you, he's captivated by the delicate play of sunlight on your features, accentuated by the colorful tulips that bloom around you, adding a vibrant backdrop to the tranquil scene.

He can hardly believe that he's lying next to the girl of his dreams, the one he's thought of for years, yearning for even a moment of her attention. Memories flood back countless times when he watched you with Remus from afar, consumed by jealousy for the time Remus got to spend with you. He would have given anything for just a few minutes alone with you to share a moment that belonged solely to the two of you.

"I talked to Remus earlier today." You remark, his nose crinkling slightly with an involuntary pang of jealousy at the mention of his friend's name. It's become almost instinctual by now. 

"He apologized to Adeline," You start, your expression thoughtful. "He mentioned it started off rough, but in the end, she forgave him, and they wished each other the best."

He hums, “That’s good.”

You giggle, “That’s all?”

Sirius hums softly, propping himself up on his elbow as he gazes down at you. "I'm glad they've found that closure," he murmurs, his tone laced with a hint of distraction.

Feeling his unwavering focus, you gently divert your attention from the sky to meet his gaze. His eyes are locked onto yours with such intensity that it causes a flutter in your chest, leaving your breath caught in your throat. 

He lifts his hands, delicately brushing his thumb against your bottom lip. A small, involuntary sound escapes you, and Sirius responds with a devastating smile, a hint of playfulness dancing in his eyes.

"I don't want to talk about anyone else but us." He whispers, his voice filled with sincerity. His gaze softens as his fingers trace gently across your cheeks, his hand coming to rest on your face, his thumb tenderly brushing against your jawline.

"What about us in particular?" You inquire, the words escaping in a breathless whisper. Your heart quickens its pace, a rhythmic drumming echoing the intensity of the moment, a sensation that always accompanies Sirius's proximity. The air feels charged with anticipation, every nerve tingling with the electricity of his presence.

"I can't get enough of you," he confesses, leaning in to press a soft kiss against your cheek. "How you never leave my mind," he adds, tenderly planting a kiss on your other cheek.

"How you make my heart flip every time I look at you." His lips brush against your forehead before he leans down to rest his against yours. Your eyes flutter closed at his proximity, your body nearly buzzing from the giddiness and anticipation coursing through your veins.

"How my heart is entirely yours." His voice trembles slightly, revealing the depth of his emotions as he utters those heartfelt words, “And that I am hopelessly in love with you.”

Your eyes widen, catching his apprehensive gaze, his nerves evident as he awaits your reaction to his confession Without hesitation, you thread your fingers through his hair and gently pull him down to you, closing the distance between your lips and his in a sweet, affirming kiss.

Sirius lets out a moan, his thumb continuing to brush over your cheek as he deepens the kiss. The warmth of his lips against yours is accompanied by a gentle exploration, each movement conveying a depth of emotion and desire that leaves you breathless. The air is charged with an electric intensity, and in that moment, it feels like time stands still, allowing you to savor the overwhelming connection and longing between you.

You pull away just slightly, your voice trembling with emotion as you gaze into his eyes. In the hushed intimacy of the moment, surrounded by the soft rustle of leaves and the distant chirping of birds, you utter those three profound words, "I am so in love with you. "

Sirius lets out a disbelieving laugh, his smile widening as euphoria bubbles within him. Without hesitation, he leans in, his lips meeting yours in a fervent and intense kiss that elicits a desperate moan from your lips. You've never experienced a kiss like this before, filled with such raw passion that it feels like every nerve in your body is set ablaze as if you could melt into him right there and then.

"Please be mine." Sirius pleads, his voice laced with longing and vulnerability against your lips. 

A tender smile graces your lips as you respond, your voice soft and filled with affection, "I'm already yours."

While nestled in the field of tulips, Sirius confesses to you that the very first tulip he gifted you was, in fact, a declaration of his love.

[aceyalonso]

touch me, please - CHARLES LECLERC

pairing : charles leclerc x best friend!reader kinktober day 12 - mutual masturbation

summary : who knew that watching 50 shades of grey with your best friend could end so well?

warnings/notes : swearing, smut, mutual masturbation, talks about sexual fantasies, brief mention of sex toys, edging, dry humping, fingering, handjob, implied oral (I was too lazy to write it)

word count : 4.8k

a/n : this is more on plot than the actual smut | yeah i dont rlly like this one

main masterlist | kinktober masterlist

8:16 PM

Y/n and Charles lounged on the plush couch in Charles' luxurious Monaco apartment, having spent the entire day watching movies. As the sun began to set, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink, they decided to watch one last film before calling it a night.

Charles scrolled through the options on his large flat-screen TV, his finger hovering over the title "50 Shades of Grey." He glanced over at Y/n with a mischievous grin. "What do you say we watch this one? I hear it's quite... stimulating."

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully. "Oh, so you want to corrupt me with some softcore porn, is that it?" Despite her teasing tone, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of excitement at the prospect.

Charles chuckled, pressing play on the remote. "Come on, it'll be fun. And who knows, maybe we'll learn a thing or two."

As the movie progressed, the scenes grew increasingly intimate and explicit. Y/n found herself transfixed by the erotic displays on screen, her heart racing as Christian Grey dominated Anastasia Steele. When the scene shifted to Christian spanking Ana, Y/n felt a rush of heat between her legs.

Almost unconsciously, her hand drifted beneath the blanket, fingers grazing over the fabric of her pajama shorts. She bit her lip, trying to stifle a moan as she rubbed herself through the thin material. Beside her, Charles remained oblivious, his eyes glued to the television.

Y/n's breath hitched as she realized what she was doing, her hand stilling beneath the blanket. A wave of embarrassment washed over her, and she quickly withdrew her hand, hoping Charles hadn't noticed. She glanced over at him, but he seemed completely engrossed in the movie, his eyes fixed on the screen.

Trying to regain her composure, Y/n shifted slightly on the couch, crossing her legs tightly. She could still feel the heat pulsing between her thighs, a reminder of the desire that had momentarily overtaken her. As the scene on screen grew even more intense, Y/n found it increasingly difficult to ignore the ache building inside her.

She risked another glance at Charles, wondering if he had any idea of the effect the movie was having on her. But he remained focused on the unfolding drama, seemingly unaware of Y/n's inner turmoil.

The movie's erotic scenes continued to unfold, each one more tantalizing than the last. Y/n found herself squirming on the couch, her body reacting to the sensual displays despite her best efforts to remain composed. She could feel the dampness growing between her legs, her arousal becoming increasingly difficult to ignore.

Y/n's gaze darted around the room, desperately seeking a distraction from the throbbing need that consumed her. She considered excusing herself early, retreating to the privacy of her bedroom to relieve the tension that coiled within her. But the thought of leaving Charles alone, of admitting the effect the movie was having on her, filled her with a sense of shame.

As another steamy scene played out on screen, Y/n bit her lip hard, trying to stifle the whimper that threatened to escape. Her hands clenched into fists at her sides, nails digging into her palms as she fought to maintain control. She silently prayed for the movie to end, for the sweet relief of darkness and solitude, where she could finally give in to the desires that raged within her.

As the final credits rolled across the screen, Charles turned to Y/n with a knowing smirk. "You were awfully quiet during that one. Did it not live up to your expectations?"

Y/n swallowed hard, her face flushing with a mixture of embarrassment and lingering arousal. She forced a laugh, trying to play off her unusual silence. "Oh, you know me, just lost in thought. The movie was fine, I guess."

Charles raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying her excuse. "Right. Well, I'm going to head to bed. Try not to stay up too late thinking about Christian Grey." With a wink and a chuckle, he stood up from the couch and made his way toward his bedroom, leaving Y/n alone with her racing thoughts and throbbing need.

10:47 PM

Hours passed as Y/n remained locked away in her room, desperate to find release from the overwhelming arousal that consumed her. She had tried everything - her fingers, her vibrator, even her pillow pressed tightly against her aching cunt. But no matter how hard she tried, the elusive orgasm remained just out of reach.

Frustration mounted as Y/n tossed and turned on her bed, her skin slick with sweat and her body trembling with need. She couldn't understand why she couldn't climax, why her body refused to succumb to the pleasure she so desperately craved. It was as if her mind was holding her back, preventing her from fully letting go.

As the night wore on, Y/n's desperation grew, her cries of frustration echoing off the walls of her bedroom. She knew she should give up, that chasing the orgasm would only leave her more frustrated in the end. But the ache between her legs was too intense to ignore, driving her to continue her futile efforts long into the night.

Finally, after countless failed attempts to find release, Y/n decided to give up. She dragged herself out of bed, her body still thrumming with unfulfilled desire, and made her way to the bathroom. Perhaps a cold shower would help clear her mind and ease the ache that pulsed between her legs.

As she stepped under the spray, Y/n let out a shuddering sigh, the cool water cascading over her flushed skin. She leaned against the tiled wall, her head falling back as she closed her eyes. For a moment, she allowed herself to simply exist in the sensation, the water sluicing over her curves and washing away the sweat and frustration of the night.

But even as she tried to relax, Y/n couldn't shake the lingering need that still simmered within her. Her hands roamed over her slick body, tracing the contours of her breasts and the dip of her waist. She knew she shouldn't touch herself again, that it would only lead to more disappointment. But the temptation was too great to resist, and soon her fingers were delving between her legs once more, seeking the release that had eluded her for so long.

While her fingers worked between her legs, her mind began to wander, conjuring up vivid images of the erotic scenes she had witnessed on screen. At first, she imagined herself in Anastasia's place, bent over Christian Grey's lap as he delivered firm, stinging spanks to her bare bottom. The fantasy sent a shiver of excitement down her spine, and she increased the pace of her strokes, chasing the release that had eluded her for so long.

But then, almost without her conscious control, Y/n's thoughts shifted, and it was Charles' face that filled her mind's eye. She pictured herself over his lap, her shorts pulled down as he brought his hand down on her upturned ass. The thought of her best friend spanking her, dominating her in such an intimate way, caused a fresh wave of arousal to crash over her, and she let out a soft moan.

The forbidden thoughts of Charles continued to flood Y/n's mind, and she found herself edging closer and closer to the brink of orgasm. Her fingers moved faster, delving deeper into her slick folds as she imagined the feeling of his strong hands gripping her hips, holding her in place as he punished her for her naughty behavior.

But even as the pleasure built to an almost unbearable intensity, Y/n couldn't shake the guilt that gnawed at her conscience. These were her best friend, her confidant, the one person she trusted above all others. How could she harbor such explicit fantasies about him? The shame of her desires warred with the all-consuming need that throbbed between her legs, leaving her teetering on the edge of release.

Just as Y/n teetered on the brink of orgasm, her conscience caught up with her, and the guilt she had been suppressing came crashing down. She snatched her hand away from her aching core, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she tried to compose herself.

"What am I doing?" she whispered to herself, her voice trembling with a mixture of frustration and self-loathing. "He's my best friend, and I'm fantasizing about him spanking me like some kind of pervert."

Y/n sank to the floor of the shower, her back pressed against the cool tiles as she tried to calm her racing heart. She knew she needed to get a grip on herself, to push these inappropriate thoughts from her mind, and to focus on the friendship she valued so deeply. But even as she tried to rationalize her feelings, Y/n couldn't deny the lingering ache between her legs.

Y/n quickly finished her shower, lathering up her body with soap and rinsing away the evidence of her shameful desires. She stepped out of the stall, wrapping a fluffy towel around her still-tingling form. With a sigh, she padded over to her dresser and pulled out her usual pajamas - a tank top and a pair of tiny shorts that hugged her curves.

As she slipped into the revealing clothing, Y/n couldn't help but wonder if Charles would approve. Would he find her attractive in these barely-there garments, or would he be disgusted by her blatant display of skin? The thought sent a fresh wave of heat coursing through her body, and she had to resist the urge to touch herself once more.

Y/n laid back on her bed, staring up at the ceiling fan as it lazily circled above her. The cool air from the spinning blades caressed her skin, doing little to quell the heat that still simmered beneath her surface. Her mind raced with thoughts of Charles, of the forbidden desires that had consumed her during her failed attempts at self-pleasure.

She knew she should try to sleep, to put an end to this torturous night of frustration and guilt. But every time she closed her eyes, she saw his face, heard his voice, and felt the ghost of his touch on her skin. Y/n rolled onto her side, hugging her pillow tightly to her chest as she tried to banish the intrusive thoughts. But even as she drifted off into a fitful slumber, her dreams were haunted by visions of her best friend, and the shameful things she longed for him to do to her.

1:29 AM

Around 1:30 AM, Y/n finally gave up on the prospect of sleep. She tossed and turned restlessly, her mind and body still thrumming with the aftershocks of her earlier arousal. With a frustrated groan, she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, her bare feet sinking into the plush carpet.

Padding out of her room and down the hallway, Y/n made her way to the kitchen. She filled a glass with cool water from the tap, bringing it to her lips and taking a long, deep drink. The refreshing liquid soothed her parched throat and helped to clear her foggy mind.

As she leaned against the counter, sipping her water, Y/n's thoughts once again drifted to Charles. She couldn't seem to escape the memories of their movie night, of the way her body had reacted to the erotic scenes on screen. The ache between her legs had subsided, but the guilt and confusion still lingered, weighing heavily on her heart.

Y/n hesitated for a moment, her hand poised to knock on Charles' bedroom door. She wasn't sure what had possessed her to come to him in the middle of the night, but something deep inside urged her to seek his comfort, his guidance.

After five seconds of silence, Y/n began to turn away, her footsteps soft on the carpet as she started to make her way back to her own room. But just as she was about to round the corner, she heard Charles' voice calling out to her. "Y/n? Is everything okay?"

Y/n froze, her heart pounding in her chest as she tried to gather her thoughts. She knew she should just pretend she had made a mistake, that she had been sleepwalking or something. But the words tumbled from her lips before she could stop them.

Y/n turned back to face Charles, an awkward expression on her face. "Hey, um... I know this is kind of weird, but is it okay if I stay in your room for a little while? I think there might be a cockroach in mine."

She cringed internally at the lie, knowing full well that Charles had just had the entire apartment deep cleaned earlier in the week. There was no way there could be any bugs lurking in her room. But Y/n couldn't bring herself to admit the real reason for her late-night visit - the confusing mix of desire and guilt that had driven her to seek out her best friend's company.

Charles raised an eyebrow, a knowing smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. "A cockroach, huh? In the middle of the night?" He leaned against the doorframe, his muscular arms crossed over his broad chest. "You know, I think I might have seen a few of those little critters scurrying around in your room earlier. Must be a new species - the ones that only come out at 1:30 AM."

Y/n shook her head, a sheepish smile on her face as she realized how ridiculous her excuse sounded. "Never mind, forget I said anything. I'm just being silly." She turned to leave, her emotions still in turmoil from the events of the evening.

Charles felt a pang of guilt as he watched Y/n turn to leave, her shoulders slumped in defeat. He called out to her, his voice softening. "Hey, wait a second. I was just joking around. Of course, you can stay, if you really want to."

She paused, glancing back over her shoulder at Charles. She bit her lip, considering his offer. The thought of being in such close proximity to him, especially after the forbidden fantasies that had consumed her earlier, sent a shiver down her spine. But at the same time, she craved his comfort, his reassurance that everything would be okay.

Y/n walked past Charles and into his room, immediately slumping down onto his bed. She let out a heavy sigh, her body sagging against the mattress as she tried to process the whirlwind of emotions that swirled within her.

Charles followed her into the room, closing the door softly behind him. He could see the tension in Y/n's posture, the way her brow furrowed as she stared blankly ahead. "Wow, okay. Something is really bothering you, isn't it?" he asked gently, moving to sit beside her on the bed.

Y/n nodded, her face buried in the sheets as she tried to hide the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She couldn't bring herself to look at Charles, to see the concern etched on his handsome features. The guilt and shame that had plagued her all night surged to the surface, threatening to overwhelm her.

He placed a comforting hand on Y/n's back, rubbing gentle circles as he waited for her to speak. He knew her well enough to recognize when something was truly troubling her, and he wanted nothing more than to ease her pain. "Hey, it's okay," he murmured softly. "Whatever it is, we can talk about it. I'm here for you, always."

She took a deep, shuddering breath, finally lifting her head to meet Charles' gaze. Her eyes were red-rimmed and glistening with unshed tears, her lower lip trembling slightly as she spoke. "It's just... it's such a silly reason to be feeling this way," she whispered, her voice barely audible over the sound of her own heartbeat pounding in her ears.

He frowned, his brows knitting together in concern as he tried to decipher her words. "Silly? Y/n, there's no such thing as a silly reason for feeling upset. Whatever it is, it's important to you, and that means it's important to me too." He reached out, gently brushing a stray lock of hair from her face, his touch lingering for just a moment longer than necessary.

Y/n stayed quiet for a long moment, her gaze dropping to her lap as she fidgeted with the hem of her tank top. Finally, she looked up at Charles, her eyes wide and pleading. "Promise you won't laugh, okay? This is... this is really embarrassing for me to admit."

Charles' expression softened, a gentle smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "I would never laugh at you, Y/n. You know that, right? Whatever it is, you can tell me. I'm here to listen, not to judge." He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, his thumb tracing small circles on her skin.

Y/n took a deep breath, steeling herself for the confession that burned in her throat. "I... I was so quiet during the movie because I felt... I felt so horny," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "I couldn't stop thinking about the things they were doing, about how much I wanted to do those things too."

Y/n's cheeks flushed a deep crimson as she continued, her voice trembling with a mixture of embarrassment and desperation. "After the movie, I went to my room and tried so hard to... to cum. I used my vibrator and everything, but nothing seemed to work. It was like my body just wouldn't cooperate, no matter how badly I wanted it."

As Y/n's confession spilled from her lips, Charles listened intently, his eyes widening slightly as he processed her words. He could hear the desperation in her voice, the needy, whiny tone that sent a shiver of arousal down his spine. Despite his best efforts to remain objective, he couldn't help but feel a stirring of desire at the thought of his best friend in such a state of wanton need.

"I... I thought of you," Y/n admitted shyly, her gaze dropping to the floor as she fidgeted with the hem of her tank top. "And it almost made me cum, but then I felt so guilty because we're just friends, and I shouldn't be thinking about you like that."

Charles swallowed hard, his heart pounding in his chest as he tried to process the weight of Y/n's confession. He knew he should be shocked, maybe even disgusted by the thought of his best friend harboring such forbidden desires. But instead, he felt a surge of heat pooling in his lower belly, a primal hunger that threatened to consume him whole.

"Y/n..." he breathed, his voice low and husky as he reached out to cup her cheek with his hand. "Listen to me. There's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. Desire is a natural thing, and it's okay to want someone you care about." His thumb brushed lightly over her bottom lip, his eyes darkening with a mixture of tenderness and lust.

She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes as she pulled away from Charles' touch. "No, it just feels wrong. We grew up together, we're best friends. I shouldn't be thinking about you like this, shouldn't be wanting you the way I do." Her voice cracked, the weight of her guilt and confusion evident in every word.

Charles took a deep breath, his eyes locking with Y/n's as he spoke. "Listen to me, Y/n. I... I've thought about you before. I've touched myself thinking about you, imagining how good you would feel around me, how pretty you would sound moaning my name." The words hung heavy in the air between them, the silence stretching out for a long moment.

Y/n's eyes widened, her breath catching in her throat as she processed Charles' confession. She had never dared to dream that he might feel the same way, that he might have harbored these forbidden desires just as she had. Slowly, hesitantly, she leaned in closer, her gaze never leaving his.

Their lips met in a kiss, the contact sending a jolt of electricity through Y/n's body. She melted into Charles' embrace, her hands coming up to rest on his chest as she deepened the kiss. All the guilt, the shame, the confusion that had plagued her for so long seemed to fade away, replaced by a burning need that consumed her very being.

As the kiss deepened, Y/n felt a surge of desire coursing through her veins. She pressed herself closer to Charles, her body molding to his as they explored each other's mouths with increasing fervor. The thin fabric of her shorts did little to conceal the heat that radiated from her core, and she could feel the hardness of his arousal pressing against her through his pajama pants.

Lost in the haze of passion, Y/n began to grind her hips against Charles', the friction sending sparks of pleasure shooting through her body. She moaned softly into his mouth, her fingers tangling in his hair as she lost herself in the sensation of their bodies moving together in perfect harmony.

Charles broke the kiss, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he gazed down at Y/n with hooded eyes. In one swift motion, he flipped their positions, pinning her beneath him on the bed. His hands roamed over her body, slipping beneath the hem of her tank top to caress the smooth skin beneath.

With deft fingers, he tugged at the waistband of her shorts, sliding them down her legs along with her cotton panties that suited her perfectly. Y/n lifted her hips to assist him, her cheeks flushed with a mixture of desire and anticipation. As Charles tossed the garments aside, he took a moment to admire the sight of her naked form spread out before him, her skin glowing in the soft light of the room.

Charles hurriedly stripped off his own pajamas, revealing his toned, muscular body. He settled himself between Y/n's thighs, his hardness pressing against her slick folds. "Touch yourself," he commanded, his voice low and husky with desire. "I want to watch you pleasure yourself, Y/n."

Y/n's hands trembled slightly as she reached down, her fingers grazing over her sensitive clit. She let out a soft moan, her hips bucking involuntarily at the contact. Slowly, she began to circle her clit with her fingertip, her other hand reaching up to tweak and pinch at her hardened nipples.

Charles' words sent a shiver down Y/n's spine, his commanding tone igniting a fire within her that burned hotter than ever before. "Show me how you like it," he growled, his eyes dark with lust as he watched her every move. "I want to see you squirm."

Emboldened by his encouragement, Y/n increased the pace of her ministrations, her fingers moving in a frenzied dance over her most sensitive spots. She arched her back, pushing her breasts up towards the ceiling as she pinched and tugged at her nipples, the pleasure mingling with a delicious hint of pain.

Her hips rocked against her hand, seeking more friction, more pressure. She could feel the wetness pooling between her thighs, her arousal growing with each passing second. Y/n's moans grew louder, more desperate, as she chased the release that had eluded her for so long.

Charles watched with rapt attention as Y/n brought herself closer and closer to the edge of ecstasy. His own hand moved slowly over his throbbing erection, his eyes never leaving her face as he drank in every gasp and moan that fell from her lips.

Just as Y/n teetered on the brink of orgasm, Charles spoke up, his voice low and authoritative. "Sorry baby, I'm the only one that's allowed to make you cum tonight, okay?" His words sent a jolt of excitement through Y/n's body, her movements faltering as she processed his command.

Y/n whimpered, her hips stilling as she looked up at Charles with pleading eyes. "Please," she begged, her voice barely above a whisper. "I need to cum so badly. Let me finish, I'm so close."

He gently took Y/n's hand away from her dripping pussy, replacing it with his own. He leaned down, capturing her lips in a searing kiss as she arched her back, desperate for more friction. His left hand reached between her thighs, his fingers gliding easily through her slick folds.

Her own hand found its way to Charles' throbbing erection, her fingers wrapping around his shaft as she began to stroke him in time with the movements of his hand against her core. Their bodies moved together, their moans mingling in the heated air of the room.

As their foreheads pressed together, Y/n's moans grew louder, her body trembling with the intensity of her pleasure. Charles groaned, his own arousal reaching a fever pitch as he felt her tighten around his fingers. He could sense that she was close, her hips bucking wildly against his hand as she chased her release.

"That's it, baby," Charles encouraged, his voice rough with desire. "Let go, cum for me. I want to feel you come undone." His words seemed to push Y/n over the edge, her body convulsing as a powerful orgasm ripped through her. She cried out, her inner walls clenching around Charles' fingers as wave after wave of ecstasy crashed over her.

As Y/n's orgasm crashed over her, her hand faltered around Charles' cock, her grip loosening as she rode out the intense waves of pleasure. But despite her momentary lapse in attention, Charles found himself teetering on the brink of his own release.

With a guttural groan, he thrust into her hand one final time, his hot seed spilling over her fingers as he came hard. Y/n watched in awe as his body shuddered, his hips jerking with each pulse of his climax. She squeezed him gently, coaxing out every last drop of his essence as they both came down from their high.

Even as the aftershocks of her own orgasm continued to ripple through her body, Y/n kept stroking Charles' cock, her hand moving in a steady rhythm as she coaxed him through the final throes of his release. She marveled at the way his flesh twitched and pulsed beneath her fingers, the heat of his spend mingling with her own slick arousal.

As Charles' breathing gradually slowed, Y/n released his softening member, bringing her hand up to her lips. She licked a stray drop of his cum from her fingers, savoring the taste of their mingled essences. A satisfied smile played at the corners of her mouth as she gazed up at Charles, her eyes shining with a mixture of adoration and contentment.

She let out a soft, breathless laugh as she gazed up at Charles, her eyes sparkling with a mixture of mischief and satisfaction. "Fuck, I should've just told you about how I was feeling while we were watching the movie," she mused, her fingers tracing idle patterns on his chest. "Maybe you could've just helped me out right there, saved me from all that frustration."

Charles chuckled, his arms tightening around Y/n's waist as he pulled her closer. "Mmm, I like the way you think," he murmured, nuzzling his nose against her neck. "Next time, just say the word, and I'll be more than happy to lend a hand... or a tongue."

He shifted his position, moving to straddle Y/n's hips as he settled his body between her thighs. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close in a tight embrace as he nuzzled his face against her neck. Y/n sighed contentedly, relishing the feeling of his warm skin against hers, the steady beat of his heart echoing in her ears.

As they lay there, basking in the afterglow of their passionate encounter, Charles nuzzled his face against Y/n's neck, his breath hot against her skin. "So…" he murmured, his voice low and seductive. "Are you up for another round?"

Y/n's eyes widened, a fresh wave of desire coursing through her veins at the thought of experiencing the same mind-blowing pleasure once more. She gazed up at Charles, a coy smile playing at the corners of her lips as she reached up to tangle her fingers in his hair. "Mmm, I think I could be persuaded," she purred, arching her back to press her body flush against his. "But only if you promise to make it even better than the first time."

Charles' eyes locked with Y/n's, a smoldering intensity burning in their depths. "Of course, baby," he murmured, his voice low and husky with promise. "I'll make sure it's even better than the first time."

With agonizing slowness, Charles began to lower himself, his lips trailing a path of fire down Y/n's body. He paused at her breasts, lavishing attention on her sensitive nipples before continuing his descent. Y/n's breath hitched as she felt his hot breath ghosting over her slick folds, her hips lifting instinctively in search of his touch.

Just as Charles' tongue made contact with Y/n's aching core, he whispered those three little words that she had been longing to hear. "I love you," he breathed, his voice muffled against her flesh.

taglist

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[lulublack90]

Prompt 9 - Forget

@wolfstarmicrofic June 9, word count 533

Previous part First part

He didn’t even know why he’d picked up the box from the sand as he walked away from Remus. He didn’t know why he kept holding Remus’s hand either. Or why his body had reacted the way it did when Remus had licked that damn chocolate off his fingers. 

The water had been cooling, refreshing. The second he plunged beneath the surface his mind had gone blank, and he hadn’t wanted to come back up.

When his lungs were screaming at him, he looked up at the shimmering water above and kicked up. The oxygen that poured into his burning lungs was literally a breath of fresh air. But when he caught sight of the yearning, open-mouthed look on Remus’s face, he nearly sunk down again. Thank the gods for Minnie McGonagall. Her piercing commands stopped all other thoughts as he followed her instructions. 

“Sorry, Minnie. Won’t happen again.” He’d given her his best smile. 

“Mr Black, you are skating on very thin ice,” He’d gulped as she walked away. He did not want to push her too far. Then James had basically called him a manatee. Rude! And now here he was walking across the campsite with a treasure box full of chocolate coins and no idea why. 

He was lying on his bed looking up at the ceiling, trying to forget what a crazy person he’d been, when there was a quiet knock at the door. 

“Yeah?” He called, not bothering to get up. Remus cautiously walked through the door. 

“Hi,” Remus said quietly, looking extremely nervous. “I just—I just wanted to apologise,” Remus said, looking at the floorboards. Sirius was confused. 

“You didn’t do anything. Remus, it’s all on me. I overreacted. Ask James, it’s a known issue with me. The phrase drama queen has been thrown around a lot in my life. And this isn’t about your scar, just so you know,” Sirius tried to explain why he’d thought the only thing he could do at that moment was sink to the bottom of a lake.

“Scars,” Remus murmured. 

“Sorry?” Sirius was confused. 

“Scars, plural. I er, I have a lot. Of scars,” Remus’s face was bright red. 

“Oh,” It was a highly inadequate response, but he had no idea what to say. ‘Oh, me too.’ No, maybe. 

He let his head drop back onto his pillow as he drowned in his inner turmoil. “I’ve got scars too,” He admitted to the ceiling. If Remus could do it, so could he. 

“Oh,” Remus said. Sirius raised his eyebrows at him and they both burst into laughter. 

“Get over here, weirdo.” Sirius moved over on his bed, making room. Remus only hesitated for a second before he gingerly perched on the edge of the bed. “Properly.” Sirius barked out a laugh as he reached up to pull Remus down. He caught him by surprise and Remus ended up falling on top of him. Remus's quick reactions were the only things that stopped Sirius from getting squashed by the taller boy. He landed with his hands on either side of Sirius’s head. Sirius felt his heart skip a beat. He swallowed loudly, unable to stop looking into Remus’s honey-coloured eyes. 

Next part

[sam24]

Hearts on Ice (2/2)

Series Summary: You absolutely loved shadowing at Dr. Framer's physical therapy clinic. Except for whenever Bucky Barnes, injured star hockey player, came in for his 4:30 appointments. 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!reader

Warnings: Violence, creepy Brock Rumlow

enemies to lovers | college au | athlete bucky

part one

*****

Your mind raced with thoughts as you made your way back to your friends, hoping they wouldn’t notice the change in your mood.

“What happened? What did you say?” Wanda asked excitedly.

“Did you shove him?” Natasha leaned in with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

You opened your mouth to tell them that you couldn’t find Bucky, but the tears that started to form in your eyes spoke before you could.

“Oh, honey,” Wanda turned her body to face you, both girls grabbing onto your hands. “Is this a bathroom situation?”

You started to nod, but quickly shook your head. “No, we can’t leave. You wanted to watch Pietro’s game.”

“I can watch my dumb brother play dumb hockey any other day,” Wanda offered you a cheerful smile, holding her hand out.

“It’s Best Friend Bathroom Break!” Natasha tried to brighten the mood as they led you to the bathroom, earning a small chuckle out of you.

“Wow, wonderful alliteration, Shakespeare.” You wiped away tears.

In the bathroom, surrounded by the dull hum of hand dryers and the flushing of toilets, your friends formed a protective circle around you.

Natasha leaned against the sink, crossing her arms. “Alright, spill. What did that idiot do?”

You took a deep breath, recounting the scene with Bucky, the random girl, and his hurtful words. Wanda’s face shifted from concern to an expression of fiery determination, and Natasha’s eyes blazed with anger.

“That dickhead!” Natasha pounded on the sink, earning a couple glances. “Men are just unbelievable. He doesn’t deserve you.”

“He’s clearly still upset about what happened earlier,” Wanda drew soothing patterns on your skin, her voice much quieter than Natasha’s was. “He’s acting like this because he’s hurt, and he’s confused about his feelings. So he’s resorting to his popular hot boy facade. I’m not making any excuses for him, but I want you to understand that he didn’t mean anything he said. Don’t take his words to heart.”

You nodded, appreciating Wanda’s insight. It was a bittersweet realization that perhaps Bucky’s actions were fueled by his own inner turmoil . You chuckled weakly. “Best Friend Bathroom Break is turning into a therapy session.”

“Damn right,” Natasha flipped her hair dramatically. “Now, are we gonna let that asshat ruin your night?”

Wanda nudged you with a comforting smile. “Let’s turn this night around. We’re going to get back out there, enjoy the game, and have a blast at the party afterwards. Screw Bucky and his drama.”

🎕

You gripped Natasha’s arm, hoping she remembered the promise she made in the car to not lose you. As expected, Wanda was long gone, probably giggling somewhere with her British boyfriend, Vision, so you held onto Natasha like a vice.

You had already made accidental eye-contact with Bucky multiple times during the short time you had been here, and you absolutely refused to have Bucky see you alone, confirming his words that you were indeed a loner, so you hung onto your friend like a lifeline.

Natasha, being ever perceptive, flashed you a comforting grin and led you to a group of people standing together. You recognized some of them: Maria, Maria’s girlfriend, Carol Danvers from your humanities class, Jane Foster from writing, and Darcy Lewis from political science.

The group greeted you and Natasha excitedly, and Maria pulled you in for a tight hug. “Sorry I left you with Bucky for so long. My business went a bit into overtime.” She winked at her girlfriend, who pushed Maria with a giggle.

You pretended to throw up all over Maria’s jacket, and Darcy snorted. “Me too, girl. I’ve been stuck watching them grab each others’ asses for the past twenty minutes.”

“You’re just jealous you don’t have anyone to grab your ass.” Maria stuck her tongue out at Darcy.

“Quiet, peasant. I don’t allow anyone’s crusty hands anywhere near my scrumptious butt. It’s VIP only.” Darcy crossed her arms over her chest with a playful shove.

“Hey, I’m gonna go find a bathroom, I’ll be right back.” Natasha leaned into your ear.

“Yeah, sure. Want me to come?”

“Nah, it’s okay. I might ‘accidentally’ bump into Steve Rogers on my way there.” She winked at you and you poked annoyingly at her stomach.

“Ooo, someone’s got a cru-ush,” You sang teasingly, but were quickly shut up by a swift kick to the calf.

“Don’t get too lost!” Natasha called over her shoulder as she cat-walked away.

“I could say the same to you!” You called back. As you turned back around to join your friends in their conversation, you noticed Peter Quill in the corner of your eye, waving at you excitedly.

You waved back, a smile tugging at your lips at his childish expressions. You weren’t sure if you had any romantic feelings for him, but he sure would be a fun friend to have.

He beckoned for you to come to him, pointing at Scott and making a face, like I can’t stand this guy, come help me!

You laughed silently as Scott swatted at Peter’s hand, accompanied by a string of passionate-looking words. “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go talk to someone real quick.”

“Don’t wander off too far!” Maria warned with a smirk. “Natasha would probably kill me if I lost her best friend.”

“I think I’ll be able to walk across the room just fine, Maria,” You said as you made your way over to Peter and Scott. As you dodged drunk college students and handsy couples, you accidentally bumped into a hard wall of muscle.

You turned around slowly, praying it wasn’t Bucky. It wasn’t. It was Brock Rumlow, who was looking you up and down in a way that made your skin crawl.

Bumping into Bucky would’ve been better.

The very first time you attended a hockey game with Wanda, she was quick to point out Brock on the ice and tell you to stay the hell away from him. Sure, she pointed out Bucky too, but that was just because he was a player. But according to her and Pietro, Brock was just flat out a creep.

“Sorry,” You apologized quickly, turning around in hopes of speed-walking away.

Long fingers grabbed your wrist harshly, forcing you back around. Oh, fuck me.

“Hold on,” Brock smirked evilly, which for some odd reason reminded you of a Disney villain. “I don’t recognize you.”

“Um, okay?” You half expected him to pull out an evil villain scroll to add your name to his hit list.

“You look so stiff, no wonder you’re running into everyone.” He looked you up and down once again, clearly judging the jeans and sweater you had on.

Before you could defend yourself and point out the fact that he was actually the first person you ran into today, he continued talking.

“No drink in your hand, wearing that, running into everyone,” Brock nudged you roughly. “I can tell this is your first party.”

You gave up on correcting him, knowing he would keep yapping. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll take you under my wing. Wanna try some of this?” He sloshed the drink around in his cup, throwing an arm around your shoulder.

“No, thanks. I don’t really drink.” You shrugged his arm off, taking a step back.You were honestly surprised he actually gave you the chance to speak.

“You don’t drink? And you’re at a college party?” He stepped closer. His breath smelled like stale beer. “Bullshit.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t either,” You shrugged. “Save your kidneys early on.” You shocked yourself with your calm demeanor, especially since your mind was racing and praying that Natasha would randomly show up and tackle this weirdo from behind. Or at least sic her hunky blond crush onto him.

He narrowed his eyes, and you felt a shiver run down your spine as Brock’s predatory gaze intensified. It was evident he wasn’t used to someone rejecting his advances, and the dangerous glint in his eyes sent warning signals through your body.

“Kidneys are overrated anyways,” he replied with a sinister chuckle, his attempt at humor sending a chill through the air. He leaned in closer, close enough for you to cringe at the feel of his beer and Dorito breath on your skin.

The dimly lit room provided little comfort as you gravely realized that absolutely no one was watching. No one cared. Panic surged through you. Despite the people bustling around you, jostling and bumping into you, no one paid any attention.

“C’mon, take a sip.” He raised the cup, his arm snaking around your waist to hold you still.

You writhed around, but his death grip had you firmly planted in place. “Don’t touch me!”

“Stop being lame,” Brock raised the cup to your lips. “Just a sip.”

Your breath caught in your throat and your body went numb.

Just as he started to tilt the cup, you managed to knock it out of his hand with your thrashing. The drink spilled all over his shirt, and his grip on you loosened in surprise. Seizing the opportunity, you quickly pushed yourself away from him. As he reached out to grab you again, you shocked yourself by sending a well-aimed elbow jab straight to his neck.

As he doubled over and held his neck, you kicked him in the balls, earning a painful groan out of him. Yet, the victory was short-lived. As you turned around to get the hell out of there, he stomped down on your foot, and you winced in pain.

He managed to grab your wrist once again, his eyes fiery with rage. “You bitch,” he snarled angrily, spit flying from his mouth.

He tugged at your arm violently, leading you behind him with a bruising grip. You tried to plant your feet firmly in the ground to stop, and he suddenly turned around, leaning dangerously close to your face.

“Stop fighting, sweetheart,” he sneered, grabbing your waist. “The less of a fight you put up now and the easier you make it for me, the nicer I’ll be to you upstairs in bed.”

You slapped him across the face with your free hand. “You’re disgusting.”

He winded his arm back with anger, but suddenly, there was a blur of motion. You were forcefully ripped out of Brock’s clutches, and a large frame was standing between you two, gripping Brock’s collar with white knuckles.

Bucky.

“The hell you think you’re doing, Rumlow?” The rage in his voice was enough to send a shiver through your body. Bucky’s words echoed through the room, and everyone looked over.

Great. Now they wanna look?

Brock smirked, looking weirdly amused despite being stared down by a fuming Bucky Barnes in front of a crowd of people. The atmosphere crackled with tension, a palpable sense of anticipation settling over the room. The music seemed to fade into the background, leaving only the low hum of conversations and gasps.

“I was just having a little fun with the new girl,” Brock replied, his tone insolent. “Sorry man, didn’t realize she was your whore.”

Faster than you could blink, Bucky delivered a swift, bone-rattling punch to Brock’s jaw that sent him stumbling backwards. The room erupted in gasps, cheers, and ‘Do it again, bro!’s as the blow connected with a merciless crack.

Bucky advanced, and you managed to catch a glimpse of his face, seeing a side you’ve never seen of him before.

His face was red with fury, his jaw was clenched with anger, and dangerous emotions danced across his face. The icy blue storm in his eyes brewed violently.

Your body was frozen in place as you watched Bucky throw punches repeatedly onto Brock, who was now on the floor. Bucky climbed on top of him, his giant shoulders covering Brock’s battered up face from your view.

In the corner of your eye, you caught sight of Steve Rogers pushing through the crowd, towering over everyone, authority radiating off of him as people cleared his path. He seemed to be the only one brave enough to get in the way of Bucky’s wrath, reaching down to pull his best friend off of a writhing Rumlow.

Wanda and Natasha suddenly appeared on either side of you and each grabbed a hand, tugging you out of your daze.

“Come on honey, let’s go home,” Wanda said gently as the two girls led you to the front door, away from the fight.

“But Bucky-”

“He’ll be okay, just let him cool off,” Natasha reassured you.

You turned your head, catching a glimpse of Bucky thrashing mindlessly in Steve’s steady arms, a string of curses leaving his mouth that would make his mother smack him upside the head. He suddenly caught your gaze on him and he stopped flailing, his expression softening immediately with concern and care.

“Bucky,” you whispered quietly, knowing he wouldn’t have heard you, and you almost swore he whispered your name back.

Before you could succumb to your desire to run up to Bucky and smack him, tell him to stop looking at you like that, throw yourself into his embrace, and kiss him (yes, all in that order), Natasha’s comforting hand on the small of your back brought you back to reality as she led you out the door.

🎕

You glanced at the clock, your foot tapping and hands fidgeting.

4:27. Bucky should be here for his appointment in 3 minutes, assuming he was on time (which he usually wasn’t). You hoped his doctor had suddenly surprised him with a ‘Congrats! You don’t need physical therapy anymore!’ sometime earlier this week.

“Mr. Barnes will be here soon,” Dr. Framer said as he walked past you. “Could you go to the storage room and get some of the thicker resistance bands for his exercises while I finish up with Mrs. Davis?”

Thanks for crushing my hopes, Doc.

You obeyed the doctor, heading to the dimly lit storage closet and making a beeline for the resistance bands on the top shelf, but not before kicking a door stopper into the way so you wouldn’t get locked in.

You eyed the brown box on the top shelf, knowing there was no way in hell you were going to reach that. You looked around for help, but the dusty gray stepping stool that had a permanent home in the corner of the closet was nowhere to be found.

Screw it, you thought as you jumped for it, getting close every time but not quite being able to reach it. You hoped no one walked past the storage closet and saw you jumping up and down like a wasted rabbit, but of course, the universe was always against you.

“Need help?”

You spun around to see Bucky Barnes standing in the doorway, looking annoyingly amused. Your eyes immediately flickered down to his bruised up knuckles, and he seemed to notice, hastily shoving them into his pockets.

“I’m fine, thanks.”

Bucky, however, didn’t seem to mind your reply, strolling up to where you were standing and casually picking up the box off the shelf, placing it in your arms with a grin.

“Show off,” you grumbled.

The door suddenly shut with a loud slam, and you looked at Bucky in horror.

“Did you move the door stopper?”

“What door stopper?”

You groaned, dropping the box to bury your face in your hands. “Wonderful.”

“Calm down, Drama Queen. My phone’s right he-” Bucky patted his pockets, looking at you sheepishly. “I think I forgot it.”

“And mine’s in my bag,” you groaned.

“It’s fine, let’s just bang on the door. We’re right next to the waiting room anyways. The front desk lady will hear us.”

“Shannon never wears her hearing aids unless someone’s in the waiting room,” You shook your head. “She says everything sounds too annoying.”

“Fuck, no one’s in the waiting room, I just walked past.”

“And Dr. Framer’s finishing up with another patient right now,” you sighed, leaning against the shelf and sliding down onto the floor.

Bucky sat down on the floor next to you, and you pretended to ignore the slight flutter in your heart from the close proximity. Awkward tension filled the room as you both obviously were thinking about the same thing. You had so many things to say, to ask, to express, but nothing came out.

“Who the hell designed this stupid thing?” Bucky gestured towards the door.

“Probably someone with the same IQ level as you.” You caught the slight smile on Bucky’s face as you two fell back into the familiar comfort of arguing, ignoring the questions that were bound to be asked.

“Yeah sure, let’s see who’s still laughing once I break down this door with my athletic prowess and save the day.”

“How about we dial down on the heroic acts, superman.” You immediately regretted the words once they left your mouth. Bucky seemed to catch on to your unintentional reference to his fight with Rumlow. Tension filled the air once again, and you wanted to kick yourself.

“We, uh, should probably talk about that-” Bucky nervously rubbed his neck.

“I heard you and that girl talking after I left concessions,” you blurted out, unable to stop the word vomit.

Bucky grimaced, and you watched his eyes fill with guilt. “Yeah, I knew that would come back to bite me.”

“Care to explain, Barnes?” You looked over at him. “I honestly thought we were kind of getting along, but then you randomly got all pressed when Peter and Scott came in, and then you called me a nerd with no friends.”

Bucky shifted uncomfortably, the regret clear on his face. “Look, when that Quill guy came along and started flirting with you, I got . . . jealous.”

“Jealous?” Your eyebrows shot up. “Why? We aren’t even, uh, a thing.”

“I don’t know. I’ve never been good with this stuff.” He ran a hand through his hair, looking down. “Seeing you with someone else just got under my skin, I guess. I saw you smiling at him and laughing at his jokes, and it got me all messed up. I wanted you to look at me the way you were looking at him.”

“Oh.” You were quiet for a bit. “What about with that girl?”

Bucky winced. “I was . . . saving face, I guess? I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was bothered by the Quill thing, so I pretended like I didn’t care.” He took a deep breath, turning to look you in the eye. Sunlight streaming from the small window in the corner danced on Bucky’s face with elegance, showing you something you’ve never seen on his face before.

Vulnerability.

“After I saw you and Quill, I guess I was just really upset, insecure, and confused about my own feelings for you, so I basically ran to someone else. And the first person I saw happened to be Dot. I just needed to feel wanted, you know? Like a sense of validation.”

You nodded slowly. “Look, Bucky, I get it. Emotions can be messy, and we don’t always make the best decision when we’re upset. But honesty goes a long way. You should've told me instead of running away. I had no idea what was going on inside your head.”

“I know.” Bucky looked ashamed as he fiddled with his fingers, his eyes trained down.

“But I’m really glad that you’re telling me this now.” You took his hand gently, an unfamiliar feeling rushing over you. It was the feeling of being able to do everything without fear when Bucky was by your side. His warm hand in yours was comforting, a connection that reassured you in ways words couldn’t express.

He scooted closer with a warm smile as you two settled into a comfortable silence, the low hum of the air conditioning being the only noise in the background.

“Look, Steve sat me down this weekend and knocked some sense into me. Then he called me Ma, and she knocked some sense into me too. I’ve been an idiot, but I’m working on it, for what it’s worth.”

Your eyes met his, and a small smile tugged at the corners of your lips. “Well it’s a good thing Steve has some sense to spare. I appreciate the effort, Bucky.”

“Yeah, he’s got plenty to go around,” he chuckled, his thumb rubbing gently across the back of your hand. “I want you to know that I really care about you. I want to make things right.”

As a smile spread across your face, he continued. “I don’t want you to think that I take you for granted. You mean a lot to me, and I want to be better. For you.”

You squeezed his hand gently. “You mean a lot to me, too, Bucky. More than I ever realized.”

“I thought you hated me,” Bucky teased with a smirk.

“I thought so too.” You sighed dramatically. “I guess I’ll have to get rid of my ‘How to Handle Bucky Barnes: The Irritating Assshat’ survival handbook now.”

“Impressive. Does it come with a ‘How to Handle my Irritating Crush on Bucky’ chapter?”

“That’s a work in progress.” You smirked. “Didn’t exactly expect to find myself having a heart-to-heart with you in a dusty closet.”

“Life’s full of surprises,” he remarked, a deep warmth in his eyes.

“And you, James Buchanan Barnes, are the most unexpected one,” you admitted, your tone softening.

“You stalker,” he gasped accusingly. “Digging through patient files to find my full name?”

“Oh biscuits,” you rolled your eyes. “Looks like you caught me.”

“If you wanted me that bad, you could’ve just asked, Doc.”

“I’ll be sure to add that lovely advice to the handbook. How does this sound: ‘Hey Bucky, I’ve secretly been harboring feelings for you. Wanna go make out in the storage closet?’ .”

“I’m pretty sure I would’ve appreciated the honesty,” he laughed.

“You’re impossible.”

“You love it.”

“Debatable.”

“I think you meant to say dateable.”

“You're pushing your luck, Barnes.” You nudged him playfully.

“Admit it. I’m growing on you.”

“Like a stubborn weed.”

“A weed you secretly enjoy having around.”

You feigned annoyance, but the giddy feelings in your chest told a different story. “Don’t get too comfortable, Barnes. You’ve still got a long way to win me over completely.”

“Challenge accepted.” He leaned his back against the shelf with a content sigh, smiling with closed eyes. After a moment of silence, Bucky scooted even closer, pressing his warm body against yours.

He grinned bashfully. “You’ve probably figured this out by now, but I really like you, Doc. Like I really really like you. Talking to you just feels so natural, you know? I feel . . . fuck I’m trash with words.” Bucky took a deep breath. “I feel at home. With you.”

Your heart skipped a beat. “You feel at home when I’m being mean to you?”

Bucky chuckled, the sound echoing in the cramped space. “It’s like . . . I don’t know, you challenge me. Keep me on my toes. But it’s not just that. It’s the way you are, the way you see things. I feel like I can be myself around you, no pretenses. Plus, I know you’ll call out all my bullshit. Like my mom and Steve.”

“That’s a tough crowd to be compared to,” you teased, feeling a pleasant warmth in your chest.

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, but you belong up there with them.”

You smiled, resting your head on Bucky’s shoulder. “I like you too, Barnes. Even though you annoy the crap out of me.”

Bucky laughed heartily. “Scout’s honor. You look so cute when you’re annoyed.” He gently raised your chin with his hands, dipping his head down to look you in the eyes. “All that fuckboy bullshit? I’m tired of it, baby. I only want you.”

“Are you sure you wanna be stuck with the bland vanilla, Barnes? Too late, no take backs.” You teased him playfully, ignoring the rapid beating of your heart.

“You’re more than just bland vanilla,” Bucky frowned, thinking. “You’re . . . spicy pistachio.”

You snorted at Bucky’s unexpected description. “Spicy pistachio? Is that your attempt at a compliment?”

He grinned, his eyes lighting up. “Absolutely. It means you’re a rare and exciting flavor, something I didn’t know I needed until I tried.”

“Well I’m glad you’re such a fan of spicy pistachio, Barnes.”

“The biggest fan.” He looked at you with such gentle care, you thought you would melt under his gaze.

You shoved his shoulder roughly, averting yourself from his deep stare.

“What was that for?” He feigned a wince, just to give you some satisfaction.

“On behalf of Nat.” You just had to make sure you got the shove out of the way before your brain completely surrendered to his sweet talk.

He just smiled knowingly.

You couldn't help but glance down at his roughed-up knuckles, and guilt flooded through you. Bucky noticed, lifting your chin up once again with his gentle touch. The reassurance in his eyes said it all: Don't worry about it, baby.

“I never said thank you for what you did at the party last week.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” he said as he leaned in closer. “Just doing my job.”

“Your job?” You raised your eyebrows. “And what job might that be?”

Bucky’s eyes sparkled mischievously. “Guardian of the spicy pistachio, of course.”

You laughed, your cheeks suddenly heating up when you realized how close Bucky’s face was to yours. He came in closer, if that was even possible, his eyes gazing into yours with deep admiration.

“You’re so annoying.”

“Only I can get you so riled up,” Bucky smirked. “It’s truly a gift.”

“Yeah,” your voice got quiet. You forgot the snarky reply you were about to retort back with. “Only you.”

His eyes flickered down to your lips.

“The spiked fruit punch at your party sucked,” you added as your brain malfunctioned. “It made Wanda sick.”

Bucky leaned closer. “Noted. I’ll let Thor know.”

“You should really consider investing in some Febreze. The whole place smelled like sweat.”

“Noted. I’ll tell Steve.” He leaned in a bit more, his lips almost brushing against yours.

Amidst the closeness, you couldn’t help but let out more observations as your mind raced. “Also, your playlist needs a serious upgrade. I think I heard ‘Eye of the Tiger’ at least three times.”

Bucky brought his hands up to rest on your cheeks, leaning in even closer. “Noted. I’ll tell Sam.”

“Just kiss me already.”

“Noted, baby.” Bucky finally closed the gap between you with a smile as your lips met in a sweet, long-awaited kiss. His soft lips moved gently and his thumbs caressed your cheeks lovingly.

The world outside the closet seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of you in a moment suspended in time, finally acknowledging the feelings that had been swirling beneath the surface.

As the kiss deepened, you pulled away slightly, a playful glint in your eyes.

“You know, I think this is the most action this storage closet has seen in years. We should charge rent.”

Bucky chuckled against your lips, “In that case, we should give it a good show. You know, make the experience worth its money.”

Bucky pulled you into another kiss, his laughter merging into the warmth of the moment.

The door suddenly opened, light entering the dark closet as you and Bucky pulled apart frantically, scrambling for excuses. Dr. Framer was standing in the doorway with multiple emotions changing on his face. First surprise, then confusion, then a knowing smile directed at Bucky.

“You know, I could always tell you had a crush on her.”

[alittlebitofsainz]

a place in this world (carlos’ version)

chapter 3: the other side of the door

summary: what’s a team celebration party without a little drama?

pairing: carlos sainz x f!reader, slow burn colleagues to friends to lovers, a lil’ bit of angst

warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, allusions to sex but nothing explicit

a/n: the cheese room of a club just plays cheesy music, think abba or anything from the 00s. also carlos’ phone background is a picture of him and piñón, but it cropped weirdly hahaha

masterlist | chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4

6th September, 2020

Italian Grand Prix, P2

second place. your first time ever being hosed down in champagne. carlos swore that he wasn’t aiming for you, but the way that he smirked when he saw you absolutely drenched head to toe told you that he may have been lying. if it wasn’t for that adorably goofy grin, that wild, mischevious sparkle in his eye, and the way he’d let you fix his hair when he came back into the garage, you would’ve been cursing him right now, as you rinsed shampoo and champagne out of your hair for the third time this evening, trying desperately to get the stubborn stickiness out of your roots. but you couldn’t be mad at him. not at carlos.

you picked up the message when you got out of the shower. shit. you didn’t realise how long you’d spent trying to get champagne out of every orifice, and now you were running late - very late. hair, makeup and outfit in just ten minutes? the feat had never been accomplished before, and you weren’t sure it was going to be done now either. plus you’d wanted to look nice for this one - you couldn’t show up to the team celebrations for carlos’ second place podium looking like you’d just been dragged through a hedge backwards. the ensuing fifteen minutes were like a whirlwind, blasting a hairdryer through your hair, shimmying into your dress and finally turning your attention to makeup, your hotel room looking like a bombsite in your wake. you were considerably late by the time you’d finished everything. you hoped carlos didn’t mind.

carlos did mind. until he saw her walking across the lobby towards him, all apologetic smiles and fluttering lashes. and then he didn’t mind so much anymore.

“you look…” he struggled to find a word appropriate for a colleague to call another colleague. gorgeous, stunning, beautiful, they all seemed like too much, but they also all seemed to fall short. almost sensing his inner turmoil, she cut him off, putting him out of his misery.

“you too.” she replied with a knowing smile. “and sorry I’m late, took ages to wash that damnedchampagne out of my hair.”

“oh so now it’s my fault that you’re late?” it was carlos’ time to flash that knowing smile in her direction, and she rolled her eyes in reply.

“well it’s not my fault.” she retorted, taking the arm that he was offering out to her, as a gentle reminder that they were already late and they needed to get a move on.

“nothing’s ever your fault.” carlos muttered, tone still playful as he stepped back to let her exit the hotel lobby before him. she chuckled in reply, spinning round on her heel to watch him come through the door after her.

“you’re learning, carlos. slowly, but you’re learning.”

it took carlos an embarrassing ten minutes to realise why she wasn’t texting him back. he’d found her phone: she’d left it at the bar, the case slightly sticky where someone had spilled tequila on it (it may or may not have been carlos himself, but she didn’t need to know that). he’d messaged her several times to let her know that he’d found it, and was increasingly worried why she wasn’t replying, only realising when he felt her phone vibrate in his pocket immediately after sending the second message why she wasn’t answering her phone… that she’d lost… that was in his pocket…

okay, so maybe he’d had a few too many tonight, but looking around the dancing mass of people in underground bar of the club, who hadn’t? still, his mind wasn’t clouded enough for him to forget her. where was she? it must be over an hour since he’d last seen her, disappearing off to the toilets in a huddle of giggling girls. and now she was without her phone as well.

“have you seen y/n?”

lando shook his head, frowning slightly at his teammate’s question before his face broke into a boyish grin.

“no, mate, sorry. why? you wanna take her home?” he teased, earning a grunt from a frowning carlos, who wasn’t in the mood for this.

“knock it off, cabrón.” he huffed, eyes darting around behind lando’s head, still constantly on the lookout for her. “I have her phone, but I can’t find her to give it back.”

lando’s features softened, even he couldn’t bring himself to tease carlos further, and ever since shehad joined the team lando enjoyed nothing more than reminding his teammate of his little crush on his race engineer, despite how much carlos denied it. we’re just friends, he’d say. just friends my ass, lando would say in return.

“this place is a maze, mate. it’ll take you ages to find her.” lando replied, “she’s probably fine though, she’s got loads of friends. if I see her, I’ll let her know you’re looking for her.”

carlos nodded gratefully, although still emitting a low growl from the back of his throat at the frustration of not being able to find her.

“thanks, mate.” he gave lando an appreciative pat on the shoulder before moving off in a direction of the club that he hadn’t searched in yet.

he couldn’t help but admire her, just for a moment.

he’d found her in one of the side rooms, and he mentally cursed himself. the cheese room should’ve been the first place he’d searched - of course he’d find her singing her heart out to gimme! gimme! gimme! it hadn’t taken carlos long to learn that wherever abba could be found, she wouldn’t be far away.

in the low light of the club, she’d captured him. the way she twirled under the arm of her friends, giggling as she nearly overbalanced on her heels. the way her head was tilted back, singing out the words of the song to the ceiling, every lyric on point despite the number of drinks she’d had. the way she locked eyes with him across the room, her face immediately breaking into a grin as she pushed her way through the crowd towards him.

“hey stranger!” she had to lean in close so he could hear her above the bass of the music.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” he replied, a hand on her shoulder to steady himself as he spoke into her ear.

“and you didn’t think to check the cheese room first?”

he shook his head, chuckling to himself, before remembering why he’d even been looking for her in the first place.

“I found your phone, on the bar upstairs. someone spilled tequila on it, sorry about that.” 

she took her phone from his outstretched hand with raised eyebrows.

“I didn’t even realise I’d lost it! you’re a lifesaver, carlito, thank you.” 

she tucked it away in her handbag, securing it in a zipped pocket so she didn’t lose it again, before turning her face back up towards carlos.

“you should come dance with us!” 

she held out her hand, fingers outstretched. carlos wasn’t sure whether it was the beer, the tequila, the abba song, or his pure desire to hold her hand, but he grabbed it, interlacing their fingers together as she pulled him through the crowded dancefloor back to her group of friends.

carlos wasn’t sure at what point he’d let go of her hand that night, but he knew that it hadn’t been for a very, very long time.

carlos sainz didn’t know much about what had happened last night, but he knew his head hurt. and his mouth was dry. and… and someone was in bed beside him? 

oh jesus, ohhhhhh jesus. his eyes widened, rolling over in bed. he tried to scan back through his hazy memories of last night. of doing the tequila shots, of finding her phone on the bar, of holding her hand on the dancefloor. he’d wanted to do things properly, take her out to a nice restaurant, tell her how much she meant to him, have their first kiss under the stars, and now she would just think she was a one night stand!? god, he really hoped it wasn’t…

it wasn’t her. was that a good or bad thing? he thought he’d been hoping it wasn’t her, so why did his heart have that sinking feeling? why did he feel so disappointed? and who was this woman in bed with him? as he lay there, silently, staring at the mystery woman’s sleeping figure, his memories came flooding back to him, almost making him dizzy as it all hit him like a tidal wave. he’d gone to the bar to buy her a drink, but as he’d been waiting to be served, a rather striking blonde girl had started a conversation with him. she was a model, she’d said. or was it an actress? carlos couldn’t quite remember the details. all he knew was that she’d ordered a round of shots for everyone waiting at the bar, and then another, and then… maybe another? for carlos, that’s when it all started to drift into a hazy fog. 

but he couldn’t shake one memory - one moment of clarity. he’d had his arms round someone; yes, it must’ve been the woman from the bar, the blonde that was currently in his bed. they’d been making out in a way that was borderline inappropriate for the middle of a dancefloor, but several shots of tequila down and neither of them had cared. until carlos had opened his eyes, only for a moment, to see herwalking past, on her way out of the club. her head had turned for just a moment, their eyes locking in the same way they had several hours earlier across the dancefloor, but there was no smile that could light up a room, no glint of mischief or playfulness in her eyes. no warmth in her expression. she stared at him, and for the first time since he’d known her, carlos felt like he couldn’t read her expression. maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was because he’d never seen that expression on her before. as quickly as she’d appeared, she was gone, heading towards the door of the club. the blonde woman had kissed him again, and he’d forgotten all about everything else.

you resisted the urge to throw your phone at the wall. instead you stared at it, face screwing up slightly at how sticky it still was to the touch, the smell of tequila still lingering on it. you reread the message twice, three times, the way you used to when carlos had first started texting you. but there were no butterflies in your stomach this time. just a sinking feeling.

you couldn’t put your finger on why you were so upset. you and carlos were colleagues, at most very good friends, nothing more. it shouldn’t bother you one way or the other who he took back to his hotel room last night; you weren’t in a relationship with him or anything, he was completely free to do what he liked with whoever he liked. but you couldn’t deny the way your heart had done a backflip when he’d taken your hand, gripping it so tightly as you’d lead him across the dancefloor. he’d made you laugh over and over and over until you could barely catch your breath at the way he fumbled over all the lyrics, and with his completely outrageous (read: outrageously awful) dance moves. when he said he was going to buy you a drink, you could’ve sworn you’d felt something in the air, like this was the beginning of something. when you’d walked past him several hours later, latched onto another girl like a limpet, the feeling had dissipated.

you’d called him special, once. you made the mistake of believing that you were special too.

she had never been the fastest replier, but three hours was the longest she’d ever left one of his messages unanswered. he checked his phone again. at least she hadn’t left him on read.

the blonde girl was long gone from his room, gathering her clothes up once carlos had made it clear that no, he wasn’t interested in going for brunch with her, thank you very much. despite the pounding in his head, and the feeling that he was still possibly slightly drunk, he’d dragged himself out of bed and into the shower, trying to wash away the feeling of guilt and embarrassment, and failing miserably. brushing his teeth didn’t help, nor did styling his hair or putting on the only uncreased polo shirt he had left. no, he knew that the only way he could make himself feel better was to talk to the one person that didn’t want talk to him right now.

he sighed, sinking down onto the bed and resting his head in his hands momentarily, before picking up his phone to check it again. still nothing.

with all the resolve he could muster whilst still feeling very sorry for himself, he found himself outside her hotel room door. it felt a little desperate, to go to someone’s physical location just because they hadn’t answered his message, but hell, carlos sainz was a pretty desperate man right now.

she didn’t even need to ask who it was outside her door before she called back that she was busy. carlos bit his lip.

“I’m sorry.” he said flatly, voice just loud enough for her to hear it through the thick fire door of her hotel room. he heard the click of a bolt on the other side, and shuffled back a few paces when the door swung open, revealing her stood on the other side. she looked tired, but not as tired as he did. a different sort of tired - she didn’t look hungover, or like she hadn’t gotten enough sleep. it was something else. for the second time in 24 hours, carlos couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“sorry for what?” she replied, her voice sharp, as if she didn’t have the time for this interaction. carlos drew in a breath, as if to speak, but then he just simply let out a long sigh instead.

what was he sorry for? technically, he hadn’t actually done anything wrong, so why did he feel so guilty? sure, it was a bit harsh to promise that he was going to get her a drink and then end up forgetting about it when one pretty blonde lady offered him a shot of tequila, but she’d been surrounded by friends, it wasn’t as if he’d just abandoned her on her own in a club. and they weren’t dating or anything, he hadn’t cheated on anyone, hadn’t broken anyone’s heart or anything daft like that. carlos and her were just friends, right? lando’s voice came into his head momentarily. just friends my ass.

his thoughts were interrupted by a loud sigh. her arms were folded across her chest, still waiting, but there was something else mixed into her expression now, something carlos could read this time. he couldn’t put a name to it, not exactly, but it was almost like confusion, mixed with understanding, if that was even a possible combination.

“I don’t know.” carlos eventually replied. he knew in that moment that the correct answer was the honest answer. from the way her arms uncrossed and she opened the door slightly further, he knew he was right.

“me neither.” she sighed, “I mean, I don’t know why I’m upset. I guess I just…” she trailed off, her eyes flicking up to meet carlos’ before resting on the floor. “… no, I don’t know.”

he opened his mouth to ask what she was going to say, to push her, before deciding against it and merely nodding his head in agreement.

“do you want to go get brunch?” she asked quietly after a moment, looking up at him through lashes that still had tiny traces of mascara clinging to them from the night before. he let a faint smile creep up onto his face, before nodding.

“yeah, that would be nice.”

as it turned out, brunch fixes everything, a fact which carlos was very, very grateful for.

27th September, 2020

Russian Grand Prix, DNF

brunch fixes everything. even if the ‘everything’ trying to be fixed is the crushing disappointment of hitting the barrier whilst trying to rejoin the track on turn one, and the ‘brunch’ is one lukewarm croissant shared between two whilst sat in front of a computer screen.

you brushed the pastry crumbs off your fingers before pointing at the computer screen.

“I mean, you don’t need me to tell you that that’s the line you should’ve taken.”

carlos shook his head, eyeing up the last mouthful of the croissant before flicking his eyes up back to the screen, following your gaze.

“argh, I’m such a fucking idiot.” he growled as he was forced to watch the way he clipped the wall for the umpteenth time in the span of the past twenty minutes. you shot him an apologetic look - as much as you’d love to disagree with him, you really couldn’t. it had been a pretty daft move, you knew it, carlos certainly knew it, there was no getting round it.

“do you want the last piece of croissant?”

was the only way you could think to cheer him up. his shoulders shook slightly with a small chuckle.

“are you sure?”

“I think you need it more than I do.” 

you slid the plate towards him with a smile, one which he mirrored as he accepted the croissant, tossing it into his mouth and licking the pastry off his fingers. you shook your head, chuckling to yourself. you looked back at the screen for a moment, and when you turned back to look at carlos, he was gazing out the window. he seemed a million miles away.

“you alright?”

your head cocked to one side slightly as you asked him, observing the way his features creased into an expression of frustration and disappointment. he let out a heavy sigh, his eyes still focused on something in the distance.

“I’ve been thinking-“

“uh oh.”

carlos shot you a look, trying to hide a smile as he attempted a look that said ‘don’t interrupt, I’m trying to be serious right now’, but ended up delivering one that was closer to ‘you think you’re so funny, and you’re right, but shut up for a moment’.

“I’ve been thinking,” he paused for any offhand comments again, raising an eyebrow at you before continuing. “I really don’t know what I would do without you.”

you opened your mouth to say something that toed the line between sincere and pure outright teasing at how soppy he was being, but carlos continued before you had the chance.

“which is why I want to ask ferrari if you can come with me. next year. to be my race engineer at ferrari.”

the more he spelled it out for you, the more confused your expression became. it took a few moments to sink in, for you to process what you had just heard. a race engineer at ferrari? mclaren was an incredible starting point for your career, and you owed them a lot for taking a chance on you, but ferrari? isn’t it everyone’s dream to work for the ferrari? carlos must have read your expression like a book, because he let out a low chuckle, the noise vibrating in his chest.

“I didn’t want to go ahead with it before asking you. but it looks like I might already have your answer.”

your mouth hung open for a moment, the first time carlos had ever seen you lost for words.

“don’t get your hopes up.” he added, gently, “there’s still a high chance they could say no. it’s just- well, I would feel better knowing that you’re still on my team.”

you nodded, still slightly dumbfounded.

“I- that would be, well, yes!” you eventually managed to stammer out, earning another deep chuckle from carlos, and a broad grin that made your heart do backflips in your chest.

taglist: @itsjustkhaos @bicchaan

comment/message if you want to be added!

[haunted-radishes]

Hey, you seem to be a Wen Ning enjoyer, can you tell me what you like best about him? I feel like he has a lot of potential that isn’t really explored enough for him to be a fave so I’d like to hear your POV on him!

Honestly, right from the beginning he has always just made me happy :D

But to delve into it, the first thing that struck me about him was how kind he is. He's a sweet guy! I started with The Untamed, only reading the novel later, so my primary impression of him is the version that sneaks down to the dungeons to take out the evil dog and give Wei Wuxian some medicine, so he's going behind his sect's back to do what's right as soon as he has the opportunity to do so. I love how he's timid and gentle, but has the backbone of steel to risk it all to do the right thing.

But he's also kind of. Odd. Sometimes it ties into his hidden nerves of steel, like when he drugs the entire cohort at Lotus Pier to help Wei Wuxian and co. Like, it was an incredible act, but he just. Fucking. Drugged them. No hesitation. Absolutely wild behavior. Especially in the novel where he had only met Wei Wuxian once before this! I do prefer the drama version where his actions make more sense, but his devotion is at least a little unhinged no matter the version. But also, even besides the obsessive devotion, his energy is just. Endearingly strange and off-putting. Like when he decides that the best way to quietly contact Wei Wuxian is to dangle upside down outside his window. Or feels absolutely no need to make himself less terrifying when he power walks towards the tied-up juniors with a sword.

And then! The unexplored depths and unexamined tragedy! You're left to wonder so much about him! How DOES he feel about the whole fierce corpse thing? About his compromised autonomy? Would he have turned against his sect even if Wei Wuxian hadn't charmed him? Does he regret any of his actions before killing Jin Zixuan? How deep do his grudges run? Is there anyone from the Wen sect outside his established circle of family and cultivators who he misses or secretly mourns? What does he think about the other great sect members, especially the leaders? Plus so many more questions we'll never truly know the answers to, because he tucks his problems away and never speaks of them! The closest glimpse we get of his inner turmoil is his verbal evisceration of Jiang Cheng with the core reveal, and that does show us some interesting things about his character! For the first time, we see him choosing to be as hurtful as possible, showing how much he clearly resents Jiang Cheng, but how much of that is personal dislike, how much is anger on Wei Wuxian's behalf, how much is blame for the deaths of his family, and how much is gall at him benefiting from dear late Wen Qing's genius and service without even knowing it? Also, what is he going to do after canon? What is left for him?

Also he's relatable, lol. That awkward uncertainty he always carries with him is very endearing in an "oh, me too buddy" kind of way. He has so much going on inside his head, but all that comes out is, "oh! Excuse me >.<" People are having massive emotional moments right in front of him, and he's just..... There.

Anyway, Wen Ning! Love that guy! Makes my brain go "brrrr"

[delightfully-deranged-dagur]

Finished my Total Drama OC Cast!

Let's meet the cast!

Alex. The Attention Hog

Doesn't care about anything except having everyone's attention on him. I mean, why wouldn't you pay attention to him. He's ripped, he's clever, he's hot, he's got muscles, did I mention he's ripped?

Finn. The Workaholic

Money, money, money. That's what Finn dreams about. It's why he works 6 different jobs and sleeps 2 hours a week. (If he's lucky) He loves money. He wants a lot of it. But the only way he'll accept it is through hard work.

And what's harder then winning Total Drama?

Gabriel. The Pretentious Goth

He barely glanced at you and he's already unimpressed with you. You're just not up to Gabriel's standards. Too mainstream and normal. Have you ever even worn a corset?

Just because he thinks he's better then you doesn't mean he has to constantly remind you of it. And yet he does.

Darla. The Visionary

Darla doesn't create art. She IS art. She breathes, eats and drinks art!

What exactly does she consider art? Oh you know, the usual. Glueing her schools desks to the ceiling. Swapping out the football uniforms for ballgowns. And of course, shaping her hair into the shape of the moon.

Rachel. The Rodeo Star

This devious diva has it all. Brains, brawn and beauty. And she's planning to walk away with the million keeping that all intact.

She's not a bad person, really. Just competitive. If she wasn't competing, she'd rather treat her fellow contestants to one of her Rodeo shows and some home-baked pie.

Raheem. The Oblivious Heartthrob

Raheem doesn't seem to realize how attractive he is. In fact, he doesn't realize a lot of things. He's kind and pretty book smart. But he's just terrible at reading social cues.

He feels terrible whenever he offends someone or make them upset because he didn't read their emotions properly. He doesn't really know to fix this issue so he just puts on a smile and suppresses his turmoil.

Olive. The Doormat

Coming from a big family where she doesn't feel like she fits in, Olive tries her best to help people so she'll feel accepted.

Now if only there was a way to help people without dragging so much attention to herself.

Lulu. The Clown

Lulu just wants to put a smile on people's faces and have fun. She can get easily carried away when she's excited. But once she calms down you'll notice just how pragmatic this Clown is.

Just because she's silly doesn't mean she doesn't have common sense, she might just surprise you in ways you didn't expect.

Phoenix, aka Francis. The Menace

Phoenix identifies as a problem. An inconvenience. An absolute menace you're never quite sure is messing with you, or is joking around. He randomly SHOUTS random words when he speaks, either another way to annoy people or just a disorder.

He lost his arm in a fire he may or may not have definitely caused himself. But he survived which is how he got the name Pheonix.

Cherry. The Competitive Dancer

Cherry values teamwork more then anything. She tries her hardest to be a valuable teammate and keep everyone focused. Of course, they might listen to her more if she tried to spend more time with the team outside of challenges.

After a recent betrayal in her dance troupe where someone sold routines to rival troupes, Cherry doesn't trust new people easily. And clings to the ones she does trust.

Augustus. The Religious Do-Gooder

Augustus is a sweet kid. Always looking to do a good deed for someone. That's how he was raised in what is definitely not a cult.

Good deeds are very important to Auggie here. After all, once you do a good deed for someone, they have to do a good deed for you. They have to. Because if they don't, things get ugly...

Janus. The Hippie

Janus is like, Fer sure, the chillest guy around. He's all about that inner peace stuff. And outer peace. And of course, in-between peace. He spreads his message of peace by sharing crystals, flowers, and songs played on his guitar.

People say Janus is incapable of feeling any hate. He loves everybody. But he's a romantic at heart and is still looking for that special someone to love.

Marlo. The Prankster

Marlo loves pranking people. Fart cushions. Prank calls. Acid in the towns water supply. You know, the usual. Okay so Marlo may be lacking some, what do you call it? Morals! And yes he's uncapable of feeling empathy.

But. He's also got a criminal record. So point is. When you see Marlo, run the other way.

Flo. The Rebel

Flo isn't a big fan of authority or "The man" telling her what to do. She'd rather live her own life, free from anyone's expectations or rules.

Her favorite past time is rocking out with her band, Voltageous Chaos! She's lead singer and bassist. Her little sister Beast is on the drums, BFF Prof. Cavity on keyboard, sleepy gal Moot on Sax and incomprehensible Zips on Trumpet.

Still looking for a Guitarist though...

Parvati. The Mythology Buff

Parvati adores learning about Mythology. Especially the creatures. Fantastical beasts she can only fantasize about. Of course while learning Mythology she also learns a lot of history and cultures from around the world.

She has so many thoughts going through her head sometimes she loses focus on what she was doing. But after stumbling a bit she gets right back at it and gives it her all. For a nerd she's quite athletic.

Sasha. The Nepo-Baby

Wait, you guys don't have family members working high in the industry and getting you onto TV-shows? But there's so many people in the industry, surely you're related to some of them?

That's what Sasha thinks at the least. She doesn't really see how many privileges she has in life. Which thankfully means she never taunts less fortunate people with those privileges.

Her dream is to become a famous singer, and she has enough connections to make that dream a reality. Of course she herself works hard on her singing and encourages others to work on their dreams too. She's very sincere and optimistic.

Tony. The Short-Tempered Greaser

Tony has always been a bit, vertically challenged. Something bullies picked up on. Which then got picked up by his younger twin brothers, who did get blessed with the tall genes and at 14 tower over their older brother.

The constant bullying at school and at home, unable to tell his mom in fear of worrying her, and never quite properly dealing with the grief of losing his father, has left Tony with a lot of bubbled up anger. And it doesn't take much for him to snap.

Madileighn. The Annoying Influencer

Madi worked hard to gain a following. But her general cluelessness about the problematic brands she endorses, sharing videos about animals that look cute but are in distress, and accidentally joining a pyramid scheme makes her tiring to be around.

As she genuinely believes she's doing nothing wrong.

Well. That's it. My Total Drama Cast! I'm planning on writing a fanfic about them.

Taking place after the 2nd season of the Revival, where the show goes back to the abandoned film lot for a Take 2 of Total Drama Action.

18 contestants. 9 per team. Only 1 winner.

Stay tuned for more news.

[viv-url]

hi!! i really love your art, and really like seeing your claude/sylvain fanart ^^ would you happen to have any fic reccs for them?

thank you!!! and oh howdy thank you for asking because BOY DO I HAVE SOME RECS FOR YOU !!! and for everyone else here too (I'm making this everyone's problem)

Heretical by howlish (post azure moon) - this is the bible, the gateway drug to claudevain. an actual novel of slowburn romance, political drama, attempted assassinations, heists, and more. the way this writer understands Sylvain and Claude, both individually and together, is so real and thoughtful and perfect.

all this riot of light by asael (post crimson flower) - this one is melancholic but bittersweet in its nostalgia. Claude and Sylvain find themselves bereft in the aftermath of the war, but their unexpected reunion is light and hopeful.

fox trap by omobot (white clouds) - cute and sweet! Sylvain gets turned into a fox and then runs into Claude?! Ohhh the absolute fluff in this... my heart melts.

Salt, Stone, and Secrets by timehopper (mermaid AU) - Claude finds a new face in Derdriu, mysterious yet alluring... I love the world this writer sets for this AU, it feels like a dreamy and romantic fairytale.

The Tent by retikrit (verdant wind) - I can only give you this summary: "Claude discovers that people are having a lot of sex." There is so much pining and fleeting touches here. the banter, the tension ... I adore their interactions, the inner turmoil Claude goes through in trying to understand how he feels about Sylvain. It's a little horny, a tiny bit angsty, and very endearing.

and a super special mention to Ruined Sky, Fallen Star: Claudevain Anthology which is coming out soon! this zine is made up of an all-star team of talented artists and writers, plus I drew a postcard with a naked Sylvain. Here's a preview:

please enjoy, make sure to comment and kudos if you liked any of the fics, and please spread the good word of our lord and saviour claudevain

[weird-bookworm]

Give your moots tropes they suits

oh god maybe i rly need to start remembering all my moots—

@fairyhaos im thinking classic meet cute, strangers to lovers, they meet in a cute cafe and shes just. too adorable. yes i am thinking of shua rn...

@wheeboo ok i cannot be the only one thinking shed make the perfect sunshine in grumpy x sunshine right? 👀

@slytherinshua ah shes so adorable but i feel like would also be so awkward so i either elevate that w a meet ugly (lmao sorry ilysm mwah) or decrease it while increasing the inner turmoil w childhood friends to lovers

@blue-jisungs fake dating bc its just the right amount of drama and clownery to match her vibes but can also be sososo wholesome which is very axe

@etherealyoungk hmm smth calm, smth sweet, smth tht feels like home and comfort...established relationship while we do not know how that happened okay?

@eternalgyuuu love at first sight (speaking from experience shes too gorgeous). i just know this woman is gonna do smth simple and hv people dying for her attention

@haecien smth adorable, im thinking tall x short (IM SORRY IM GENUINELY NOT TEASING RN) i js feel like he'd get very giggly if his partner was to pick him up and twirl him idk im sorry 😭

@woozvc nora gives wholesome soulmate au vibes, simple and sweet and the best for a reason— they meet, they get shy, they get to know each other, and then they get together <3

@welcometomyoasis OH SO MANY WHOLESOME PEOPLE HERE i feel chaotic now, maybe rivals to lovers? this is js funny bc shes the sweetest person ik but also tht js means tht when she does get angry, (i imagine) it is hell 😳

@hannieheartuu oh my sweet sweet baby im thinking pen pals? like they knew each other, one moved away, they kept in touch, maybe fell in love, and then as adults they get the autonomy to be together again? endearing asf 😭

@aaniag matchmaker gone wrong. i see her chaotically trying to get her frnd together w him and in the process all three realise whos really meant to be lmao 😭

@mesanthropi uhhh oblivious x oblivious + painfully tired friends. can mix it w forced proximation as said frnds lock them up in the janitor's closet or smth or they get stuck in a lift :D

[metalmonki]

The Dating Odyssey: Steve

Eddie Munson/Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington/Jim Hopper/Jonathan Byers x fem!reader

2.8k word count

fluff, idiot reader, reader who can't say no, choose your own adventure-ish

Part 1 / Eddie's Ending / Jim's Ending / Billy's Ending / Jonathan's Ending

 Sleep that night was a stranger to you. You tossed and turned nodding off only to be jerked back awake by the consequences of your actions. Before long the first light of day was breaking through your window. You decided to abandon sleep and instead start getting ready for work. You showered, dressed and collected the large pile of assignments before loading them into your car and driving to the school. You made it through the day by drinking copious amounts of coffee and plastering on the best fake smile you could manage. Making it home that night you abandoned all thoughts of food and went straight to bed. Yet once again in your quite apartment you were meet with the thoughts of the decision looming over you. Maybe the best solution was to leave Hawkins. Move somewhere new and try again after all isn’t that why you moved here in the first place, for a fresh start. You quickly abandoned that idea, you didn’t have the money and it was hard enough landing the teaching job in Hawkins let alone looking elsewhere.

And so you went another night with very little sleep. Your week went by at a snail’s pace. You thought you were doing a good job hiding your inner turmoil but apparently one particular student had noticed something was a miss with you and decided he needed to check in.

“Hi Miss Y/L/N I was just wondering if your okay you seem very distracted this week, I mean normally you laugh at all my jokes but you haven’t even laughed at one, I’ll admit some weren’t that funny, but I thought a few were pretty good” Dustin rambled standing in the doorway of your classroom

“I’m fine Dustin just some adult drama you don’t need to worry about” You smiled at the curly haired boy

“Is it to do with Steve?” Dustin pushed “Cause his like my best friend I can talk to him if you like”

“No it’s not Steve, but thank you Dustin”

“Well the offers there, see you next week Miss” Dustin smiled walking away

“See you next week” You smiled

You finished packing up your desk glad it was Friday and walk out to your car. In the parking lot you found Dustin, Lucas, Will and Mike goofing around with Eddie who looked like he was picking the boys up from school probably to go play Dungeons and Dragons. You wanted to hurry to your car to avoid being spotted by him. But you stared in the boys direction just a little too long. Eddie looked up from loading the boys into the back of his van just long enough to see you watching. He said something to the boys that you were too far away to hear before jogging over to you. You froze in place, wanting to run but your feet not allowing you to.

“Hi” Eddie smiled coming to a stop in front of you

“Hi Eddie” You gave a small smile back

“Uh oh someones not happy, kids give you hell?” Eddie chuckled

“Eddie” You looked to the ground “I…”

“Y/n whats the matter?” Eddie became serious

“I’m so sorry” You whispered

“What was that?” Eddie asked placing a hand on your elbow “I didn’t quite catch that”

“I’m sorry” You looked up at him

“Sorry? For what?” Eddies face was filled with worry and concern

“Last weekend…I loved our date I really did but I also went on a few other dates and now I don’t know what to do, I messed up and I don’t know what I’m suppose to do, I’m so sorry Eddie” You rambled a few tears escaping to run down your face

“Jesus H. Christ” Eddie turned away from you running a hand through his hair “How many other dates?” Eddie asked still facing away from you eyes closed

“4”

“4!” Eddie shouted turning to face you as he did “4 fucking dates and you didn’t think to at least have the decency to tell me”

“I wanted to but I was scared of this” You said

“Look I’m sorry” Eddie tried to calm down “I just thought a girl finally might give Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson a chance, I guess not”

Eddie stormed off back to his van while you stood in the parking lot and sobbed. You really had fucked up. You needed someone to comfort you right in that moment but at the same time you didn’t really know anyone here. You hoped into your car and decided to go find the one person you had been honest with right from the start. You drove the busy after school streets all the way to Family Video knowing today being Friday that Steve would be working. You walked in the doors looking immediately to the counter for Steve. But he wasn’t there. You began looking down the aisles hoping Steve was just out the back and would be back out soon. A woman you knew to be Robin soon came from out the back having heard the door chime.

“If your looking for Steve his not here” Robin walked over placing a few DVDs on the shelf.

“Is he home sick?” You asked

“I honestly have no clue. Mr Perfect called to take the week off for family reasons” Robin scoffed “Like we all don’t know his parents are rarely ever home and his never mentioned any other family”

“Oh okay well thank you Robin I guess I’ll be going” You managed a smile heading for the door

“If you see the dingus tell him he owes me for working all his shifts” Robin said

“I will” you chuckled

You made your way back to your car and began driving mindlessly around town. You had no clue what to do, no idea where to go. A small piece of you wanted to drive to Steves but you didn’t want to be a burden on him. You drove and debated with yourself on if you should go to Steves or not. It would seem that your unconscious mind made that decision for you because before you could process where you were driving you found yourself in front of Steves. You would have kept driving if it wasn’t for the fact that Steve was sitting on the front step having a smoke. He stood up and waved at you. You silently cursed as you pulled up in front of Steves house. You braced yourself and climbed out of your car and walked towards Steve. At some point between your car and Steve you had begun to shake. By the time you got to Steve you were completely sobbing. Steve pulled you into his arms, gently shushing you and rubbing small circles into your back.

You stayed like that for quite a while before you were able to compose yourself enough to move away from Steve. He guided you into his house, leading you to his lounge room where he had you sit on the lounge while he fetched you something to drink. Part of him was glad you had come to him, yet part of him was scared you where only here to tell him you had picked someone else over him. He came back into the lounge room carrying a glass of water which he handed off to you. Steve sat silently by your side as you sipped at your glass of water waiting for you to speak when you were ready.

“I think I really fucked up” You said after a short but comfortable silence

“Well you don’t say” Steve gave a small smile “What happened?”

“I told Eddie everything” You sighed

“Only Eddie?” Steve questioned

“Yep and given how he reacted I’m not sure I could tell anyone else”

“How did he reacted?” Steve asked

“He snapped at me, he screamed at me, he was very angry”

“Honestly knowing Eddie I’m not at all surprised that that’s how he choose to act”

“What am I suppose to do Steve?” You asked

“I can’t answer that I’m afraid, it’s your choice” Steve sighed running a hand through his hair

“I can’t make a choice Steve, I don’t know even know what I want but it certainly wasn’t this”

You began to sob, dropping your head into your hands. Steve pulled you into his arms. You rested your head on his chest while he rested his chin gently on top of your head. He began to rock the both of you slowly. He truly felt bad for you but at the same time he wanted to be selfish and tell you not to worry about the others and just choose him. But he knew he couldn’t do that, it wasn’t his choice to make. During Steve’s inner turmoil he missed the slowing and evening out of your breathing and the occasional hiccups you made. It wasn’t until he went to ask you if you wanted him to cook you both some dinner that he realised you had fallen asleep. The stress and panic had finally worn you down and you had passed out in the safety of Steves arms. Not wanting to wake you Steve pulled you onto his lap and stood up. He carried you upstairs to his room and place you on his bed. As he went to stand up you clung to his shirt as if he was your life line, your safety net to the situation you found yourself in. Steve tried several times albeit not very hard to get away from you. When he realised he wasn’t getting away from you he moved you further across his bed before joining you. He made a silent prayer to whatever possessed him to wear sweatpants instead of his normal tight jeans before pulling you close to him and falling asleep himself.

The next morning you woke up when sunlight filtered though a nearby window hitting you in your face. You blinked taking in the plaid walls and matching plaid curtains. You started to internally panic, how had you ended up in Steves bed? If you fell asleep why didn’t he just wake you? Better yet why was Steve holding you in his arms. You tried to keep your breathing calm as you attempted to free yourself from Steves arms. You placed a hand on Steves wrist that was currently draped over your waist and tried to slowly lift his arm up. You managed to successfully move his arm from your waist but as you went to move his arm to the bed you lost your grip. Steves arm came down on the bed with a thump startling the man awake. He groaned and you froze. Steve brought his arm up to his face and rubbed his eyes before looking at you. He gave you a half awake smile. In that moment something happened you weren’t quite expecting. Your heart started to race and you couldn’t help but smiled back.

“Morning” Steve yawned

“Good morning, uh, why am I in your bed?”

“Well I didn’t want to wake you up or risk you trying to drive home with how upset you were” Steve shrugged

“Okay and why are you in your bed with me?”

“That would be your fault” Steve smirked poking your nose “You refused to let me go so I had no choice but to stay, I was going to be a gentle man sleep on the floor again”

You started laughing at the absurdity of it all and pulled Steve’s blankets over your face. Steve quickly pulled the entire blanket away from you wrapping himself up like a burrito in the process. He gave you a big goofy grin from inside his burrito causing you to laugh even harder at the man.

“And this is for being the worlds worst blanket hog” Steve got out between his own laughter

Steve unwrapped himself before holding out a hand to you. You gladly accepted it. Steve pulled you from his bed and guided you down stairs to the kitchen where you took a seat at the kitchen island. Steve began running around the kitchen making you both a simple breakfast of bacon and eggs. He poured you a glass of orange juice which you took with a thank you. You sat in relative silence and watched the man work hard on making you both what your sure from previous experience would be an excellent breakfast. At one point Steve spilt some oil on the floor, waved it off and then almost immediately slipped on it. He landed with a thud directly on his butt. You couldn’t help but laugh at him even if he did seem a little mean. Steve quickly stood up and gave you the most over exaggerated look of betrayal. You tried to apologise between laughs but Steve just waved his arm around while saying he would never be able to forgive you. All in good fun of course no actual feelings where hurt. You found yourself deep in thought as Steve finished cooking the bacon and plating breakfast. Steve placed the plate of now ready bacon eggs in front of you. He took a seat beside you and began eating his breakfast. This seemed to bring you out of your head and cause you to start eating for your own food in response.

“So I feel like we need to talk about this situation” Steve said after taking a bite of a piece of bacon and swinging it around in the air

“Uh we’re two adults eating breakfast what is there to discuss?” You tried to avoid what you knew was coming “No y/n I mean this situation you’ve found yourself in” Steve sighed

“I really don’t know what to do” You sighed

“You can’t just avoid everyone forever”

“I’m not avoiding you”

“Y/n no that’s” Steve groaned in frustration

“What do you expected me to do Steve I screwed myself over is that what you want to hear?” You sighed

“You can say that again” Steve sighed “Look I can’t tell you what to do or who to choose and yes I know its hard and it would be easier if I made the decision for you but it doesn’t work that way I’m afraid”

 “Can I just have today and then I’ll make my decision tomorrow?” You asked

“Sure but I’m going to subject you to the worst romantic comedies I can find” Steve smirked moving to put his plate in the sink

After breakfast was finished the two of you moved to the lounge room where Steve quickly picked out Grease as the first of your movies. You settled down on the lounge while Steve went to get snacks and drinks. By the time he came back Danny and Sandy where in the middle of singing about summer love. You had left some space between you and Steve so as not to create any awkward situations. As the movie played on you could feel Steve looking at you. You turned to look at him and he quickly looked away. You shrugged it off and went back to the movie. Several more times during the movie you could feel Steves eyes on you but anytime you looked to him he would be back looking at the movie. Steve even started singing along to the movie at some point. Then as the final number started Steve stood to dance around.

“Come on y/n join me” Steve smiled grabbing your hand pulling you up from the lounge

Steve spun you around while you laughed your way through the song. As the song and the movie came to its close you found yourself in Steves arms smiling from ear to ear and trying to catch your breath. This was the man you wanted to began with. The guy you had basically been crushing on since you got to Hawkins. Would you really be happy with someone else knowing you never gave him the chance? You didn’t want him to be the one who got away.

“Steve I made my choice” You said

“Really? I thought you were going to wait until tomorrow?” He said getting nervous

“I was but I changed my mind” You shrugged

“Okay well what have you decided”

Rather then giving Steve an answer you grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him into a kiss. He was shocked at first but soon settled into the kiss. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you flush against him. Your arms wrapped around his neck. You smiled into the kiss. He stole your breath away just like the first time you’d kissed. You pulled apart for air resting your forehead against his. This felt right. Steve felt right.

“So this mean your choosing me?” Steve asked

“No doy” you giggled

[camillabanilla]

Hmm okay, replaying the DE version of Tales of Vesperia, for the first time with JP audio.

And I'd been told that Yuri is a different character in the dub, and I'd seen some of the translation differences and I believed it. But holy smokes, I didn't actually understand how dirty his character was done until actually playing it.

I enjoyed Troy Baker's Yuri, and I'd played that game so much when it came out I swear I remember how almost every line was delivered. But again, entirely different character.

I want to say that the dub version tried to match Yuri's personality with his colour scheme more than anything? Like his personality in the JP audio feels almost at odds with his design now. I'm not saying he's a ray of sunshine, but he's generally light hearted outwardly and to me that adds so much more depth and interest to his character especially considering what he does later on. The dub takes all that potential of inner turmoil and drama and puts it right out front where it's visible and boring, without ever setting up and potential conflictions for later. For the dub Yuri I look at him and say yeah, this guy would probably murder someone and feel bad about it. He's gonna brood and be moody because that's him.

But when that stuff will happen with the original version of the character, oh man it'll be an entirely different beast.

Anyway I'm totally normal about this game and this character.

Also how can you take this man:

And say he's Mr. McBroodySnarkPants and NOT the funkiest, queerest and most fabulous vigilante that ever existed?

[sheikahwarriork]

What would be your favorite dimileth dynamic??? (both in hopes and houses if possible)

ALL OF THEM 😃

okay i'll try to be serious for once lmao.

first, acadimileth has a special spot in my heart. i know some people dont like the teacherxstudent thing, but i think with dimileth works perfectly without too many moral issues: 1) dimitri and byleth are close in age, 2) it's not our modern world, but a fantasy/medieval ages-like, 3) him being a FUCKING PRINCE outclasses her being a teacher, in the "omg she has power over him" argument speaking. also, they dont do anything while dimitri is still a student, the in-game romance happens after 5 years of byleth sleeping, plus 1 year of war where byleth is not a teacher anymore.

so, acadimileth is one of my fav dimileth type. i love when dimitri is shy thinking about his professor and his inner turmoils, and i love that byleth slowly learns how to have friends, how to feel emotions, and how to understand that the funny feeling she feels in her heart everytime she thinks about dimitri is something more than "simple friendship" eueue :D also hot bc forbidden.

also for three houses, i like dimileth with feralmitri after the time-skip. i may be ace, but feralmitri makes me feel Things 👀 ahem anyway. the angst, the hurt/comfort, feralmitri making feral sex with his professor, it's just *chef kiss*

i also enjoy a good CF!dimileth lovers to enemies (to lovers), but i need my happy ending or i'll get sad t.t

as for three hopes, i love enemies to lovers, and reincarnation au!!!!! best if there's both! dimitri fights the ashen demon on the battlefield, but he's so mesmerized by her he almost gets killed, but then the ashen demon stops her sword, they look at each other... EUEUEUE yes i love hopes!dimileth a lot too. i wish the game had more dimileth itself but OH WELL thank sothis there are fanfiction.

i also enjoy a lot modern au. my fav type is work collegues, i dont even know why, i dont work in a office xD maybe bc this thrope can bring that bit of "forbidden" acadimileth has?

in general, i love mutual pining, especially dimitri pining for his professor, while byleth is not fully aware of her feelings and can even get jealous! i love soulmates au bc i'm a sucker for soulmates; in both canon and modern au. i love when dimitri gets feral for his beloved, and i love when byleth learns feelings thanks to dimitri.

so, yeah, i like almost every dimileth dynamic xD my only "turn-off" from a fic is a bad ending, and/or if dimileth is not endgame. i need them to be happy or i'll CRY for real cwc

oh, last note: i do enjoy established relationship and post-game fics, but i dont read them much often. i prefer the drama and THEN the happy ending with them getting together lmao

thank you so much for the ask anon!! if you have some fics to recommend, please go ahead! 💙💚

[midnitevintage]

Characters I Headcanon have Bipolar disorder

(From the perspective of someone living with Bipolar 2)

**Disclaimer**

This is all meant to be in good fun and I’m no mental health expert; merely someone who has been through lots of therapy

Let’s Begin!

1. Rin Okumura from Blue Exorcist

I’ve always related to Rin Okumura, especially during the time I was under the mistaken diagnosis of ADD. I was surprised to learn from this that a lot of symptoms of bipolar can look like ADD/ADHD at times.

For example, Rin is shown to be someone who is easily distracted or fixated on new topics. He also tends to sleep a lot which is confirmed in the manga by the fact that this boy sleeps 12 hours every night. And finally a major factor that clued me in is how easily he is swayed by his emotions which leads him to act impulsively.

Rin’s emotions tie him to his demonic half which in turn can cause a lot of inner turmoil for him. I’m sure anyone with bipolar can relate in feeling like their change to either a manic/hypomanic state can cause them to feel like a demon and out of control. But as is shown in the series, by practicing to focus on his emotions, Rin learns to lessen and control his symptoms.

2. Gangle from The Amazing Digital Circus

I know I know, I’m lowkey pulling for stereotypes here with the tragedy and comedy masks. And on top of that this is a series with only a pilot so we hardly know anything concrete about her character. 😂

Everyone in the digital circus seems to play a role based off of their avatar given to them. As a being with two different masks, Gangle is very sensitive to the way in which she acts when her comedy mask is broken.

She tends to be very anxious and sensitive to the events that unfold around her both physically and mentally (she unravels from a mere bowling ball being thrown her way by Jax).

In some fandom interpretations of her character I’ve seen interesting depictions that also heavily give bipolar vibes like Gangle having an abstracted self tied to her ribbons or forcing on her comedy mask. I love Gangle and this pilot.

3. Captain SpaceBoy from Omori

Oh poor Captain SpaceBoy. He’s so heavily influenced by any mood swings he experiences that he seems to take on an entirely new persona whether it be SpaceBoyfriend, Space-ExBoyfriend, SpaceHusband, or Space-ExHusband.

When you first meet his character, you can clearly see he is depressed as he refuses to leave his bed and throws away any special possessions that remind him of his heart ache. Later on he even goes as far as to isolate himself on top of a snowy mountain when the heartache returns to him again..

He is also easily consumed by a rage which seems similar to a manic/hypomanic state that leads him to fight the main cast of characters. Also when it comes to his special boss battle I find it interesting how you can only defeat him by fighting him in certain states of emotion.

4. Howl Jenkins Pendragon from Howl’s Moving Castle

Howl is undeniably a drama Queen, but some of the ways in which he takes certain actions give me some bipolar vibes.

There is of course the infamous scene in which he throws a tantrum due to Sophie organizing his hair dye potions. He swings very quickly from being irritated and enraged to absolutely inconsolable and depressed. He even spends that next couple hours in bed after this scene.

Howl also tends to lead himself to danger as he appears to be in heightened states of euphoria when he pushes himself to the limit with his magic. He is also rather impulsive when it comes to the relationships he makes with others if we are going off of his book persona.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But above all!! All these characters are shown to be good people who genuinely care about the feelings of others and try to do their best to help even when their own mental health is bringing them down.

Bipolar individuals are more than their disorder; we are all kind people ♥️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And that’s all! Lemme know what you think :)

[diesoonandsuffer]

I FINISHED TNG!

please clap.

i never actually did an update on my thoughts post since season 3, so i figured before i watched the movies i'll do a summary of my thoughts on the show.

first off it apparently took me over a year to finish it since i started in july of 2022, and it's now august of 2023. this isn't because i didn't like it or anything, i just kept doing other stuff and unlike with tos, i wasn't watching it WITH someone, so i wasn't on a schedule of any kind. however i did enjoy the show, i grew to like the characters quite a lot and i was invested in their stories. it was definitely a different vibe to tos, while tos is quite episodic, campy, and a bit dated, tng is less campy, a bit less episodic, and slightly less dated lol. it did kind of annoy me that we would start to get these longer arcing plots and then they would be abandoned or forgotten. for example at the beginning of the show it seemed like riker and troi were going to have a lot more "drama" in the show but nothing really happened with them, and then at the very end of the show they put her with worf and don't really explore that fully. i don't just mean romantic pairings but that's an example of what i mean. there was also just a general quality difference in episodes, maybe it was more noticeable here than in tos since tng was longer, but towards the end of the show in particular we got really good episodes followed by quite shit ones. by the time the show ended i didn't really feel like it was ready to end, if that makes sense. i feel like it was always toeing the line between being episodic and being a show with long plots. in general -- was fun. i had a good time. i've forgotten a lot from the beginning but oh well.

here i'll give my thoughts on the characters since that's what i used to do. in no particular order:

picard: i really don't have many strong opinions about him, some episodes he definitely was more entertaining than others. i think i would have liked to see him fail more often because generally he seems too capable at times. i do enjoy the rare moments where he loosens up. despite the longer screentime he had i weirdly feel like he has less depth than kirk? let me know if this is a crazy take but i don't feel like picard is a particularly complicated man, he doesn't seem like he has a lot of inner turmoil or conflict about things, meanwhile kirk is going through it at all times. not to constantly compare the two but. well, i just did

troi: the most beautiful woman in the world i'm such a whore when i look at her. when she got a real uniform i whooped and hollered and when she become a COMMANDER bitch?!?!?! i really do wish they did more with her character she had sooooooo much potential with being half-betazed and they never really give it the exploration it deserves, they use it when its convenient and forget when it isn't. i feel like if we had gotten one more season she could have really shined but they were like i know let's spend the last couple of episodes we have with her making her date worf i guess. also why did they give her mom so much trauma. that wasn't nice.

worf: i grew to like him more and more as the show went on, like whenever i would realize the episode i was watching was going to be a worf-focused episode i would get excited. he's one of those unintentionally funny characters which makes him entertaining, but i also find it interesting seeing the way he balances his klingon heritage with his role as a starfleet officer. i love how much he loves being a klingon, and how he always wants to teach other people about it and let them, in turn, learn more about him. he cares deeply and he tries hard even if he doesn't get it right. i know he's in ds9 so i'm happy to see more of him when i finally get to that

riker: we didn't get enough of him tbh. it felt like there would be multiple season gaps between his solo episodes. like for someone who is the first officer he didn't feel very relevant to the show, they stopped caring about his character after a while. he would have maybe a small arc in certain episodes but he was mostly there because he had to be? maybe the sporadic way i watched is effecting my memory on this. but i really like him, i think he's funny and i like his rogue tendencies.

geordi: we also didn't get enough of geordi. i love him but i feel like i barely know anything about him. but i love how genuinely kind and caring he is, and he's also in the scotty position of "the ship would fall apart without him" i feel like every episode picard would be like geordi fix this! help! also i wish he would have kissed the android.

data: hey it's the android. i love this dude. however i am getting a little overexposed to the dude and i know the movies are only going to continue that. idk why by s6-7 they were like "we're out of ideas for data. what if he liked killing and hurt his crewmates and was maybe evil" which is so lazy. like it would all somehow get resolved by the end and everyone would just move on like data wasn't a genocide machine two minutes ago. the finale reminded me of the way data used to be, where he would constantly ask people questions and say obvious things, and i realized i really missed that. he has dreams and shit now he's not really as compelling. he's been a human to me from day 1 so they didn't need to do all that. however brent spiner continues to be very funny.

beverly: um she certainly was there. don't get me wrong i like her but i feel like i never had any strong attachment to her. she didn't get many solo episodes and the last one i can remember (with the fucking. ghost?) was not good. yeah i can't really think of anything else to say. she's fine.

wesley: ok i know he like left the show after a certain point but i would be remiss to mention again that his arc did not end in a good way and he should get to take a NAP why does he have to keep being SO SPECIAL. also why does anyone ever hate this kid he was like 12 he literally was so non offensive to the show. but i did really like every time he came back after wil wheaton left i feel like wesley brings a new perspective to the show that is needed.

honorable mention ro laren: she's my icon right now so i feel like i have to mention her. i would have loved to see more of her in the show, i found her character really compelling and complex. i liked how she was always a bit of a bitch. i'm on the fence of how i feel about her arc ending, i feel like the episode with geordi and the one where she was turned into a kid both were made to help her feel more like the enterprise could be a home for her. they didn't give me much reason to believe otherwise? i don't care about her leaving, i liked that both her and wesley left starfleet even if the show didn't have the time or capacity to explore it, but i didn't fully believe her reasoning. but i loved every time she was there.

i have probably forgotten. many things. i was in the sun all day and maybe have heat exhaustion. but i'm starting generations in like 10 minutes and i realized i needed to make this post before i watched it. thank you for coming along on this year-long journey of me watching tng. we did it boys

[katcadecascade]

If you believe the lies I tell (Snowjanus Fic, Chapter 12)

Ao3

Tumblr Chapter Index

Chapter Twelve: Routine

Word Count: 3,376

Coriolanus Snow should feel like himself. 

And he does.

But he also doesn’t.

This type of numbness is akin to the cold, no different than when the Snows were first dealing with their icy home. Of nights where there was no firewood or heating unit. 

It’s a painful reminder of a loneliness he wasn’t yet familiar with. Yet Coriolanus knew that he could never let anyone know of this. 

That defensive secrecy remains to this day.

Whatever barriers that were broken down for this heat were weak out of circumstances. He needed to trust Sejanus and Clemensia then but he doesn’t need to do that here at school. 

Clemensia had her driver take them to school and surprisingly Coriolanus didn’t complain or feel pitied. None of his inner turmoil should affect the mask of Coriolanus Snow. 

“Please Clemensia,” he had pleaded to her, “I want everything back to normal. Don’t bother checking up on me, I’m fine. No doubt a bunch of well mannered concerned classmates will bother me about my absence.”

She agreed, either to placate him or put him at ease it doesn’t matter. Coriolanus doesn’t want to imagine Sejanus’ worrying about him. A part of him reasons that it’s best to avoid Sejanus but it’s too late for that. 

Coriolanus’ only choice is to put on an easy going smile like nothing fazed him. As if he doesn’t feel shaky and numb, as if he doesn’t want to grab Clemensia’s hand like a safety blanket. As if he doesn’t want to be buried in comforting scents. 

Like he thought, when they arrived at school he received a few concerned comments and platitudes. Meaningless talk and nonsense to be perceived as friendly. He already clued in students looking at him and whispering Sejanus’ name. Of course everyone is drawn to any drama they could get their greedy hands on. 

Festus Creed so far is the only one willing to actually talk to Coriolanus. Concerned as ever but easily followed Coriolanus’ wishes of treating everything as normal again. Coriolanus can only rely on Festus taking nothing seriously, that’s what he’s good at. 

Yet as they’re talking, Coriolanus is uncomfortably aware of how Persephone is staring at him. Eyes narrowed like she’s waiting for something. 

“And I said,” Festus regaled about yesterday, “I am impertinent.”

Coriolanus was barely paying attention to whatever trifle happened between Festus and Livia, but fakes a laugh anyway. Persephone of course has a genuine laugh, encouraging Festus’ humor. 

“You never change, Festus. Oh, can I get a moment with you, Coriolanus?” 

A pretty smile is on Persephone Price. It would work on Festus and maybe Clemensia but it sends an invisible shiver down Coriolanus spine. Despite that, his instincts don’t register the other omega as a threat. 

He nods and follows her away from the crowded halls of the morning. Normally Coriolanus wouldn’t be bothered to leave the crowd but he can’t help but miss Clemensia’s presence. 

A few paces into an empty corridor has Coriolanus instantly suspicious, his innate paranoia jumping to ridiculous conclusions. It’s not like Persephone is leading him away to eat him.

…Right?

Before he could further dwell on that, Persephone crosses her arms and levels him with a disapproving tone that would make Tigris proud. 

“You shortened your heat.”

“Obviously.” He explained, “Persephone, I couldn’t let something as stupid as a heat stop me from going to school.”

“You mean stop you from being perfect?”

“Yes.” 

She sighs, “Tell me how you feel and don’t lie to me.”

He has the urge to lie to her because he doubts that Persephone would know any of his tells. Then again she’s not asking for the typical behaviors of Coriolanus Snow. She’s analyzing him as an omega.

It’s not something he’s good at lying about. 

“Look, Persephone, stop worrying about me,” he deflects. “I’m fine, no overheating or collapsing. I didn’t even need scent blockers. I’m not even hungry.” 

She gives him a cautious look. 

Wait, Coriolanus belatedly thinks, what did he just say?

He’s not hungry. 

It’s a foreign concept because he is always hungry, always in need of food. He starves with every breath to the point it is his normal. No wonder he doesn’t feel right after his heat, there is no starving making him suffer. 

Instead there is a numbness. 

Emptiness is at his core, something born from starving but now it is numbness that’s making him suffer. 

Confused by the gravity of the situation, Coriolanus’ distracted thoughts center on the eerily calm girl before him. 

“Coriolanus,” Persephone’s voice quiets down, “We’re the only omegas here that deal with malnutrition. We will always need food.”

She knew. 

She knew he had been starving and she did nothing but watch. 

She's proof that if he falls, no one will help. 

“Leave me alone.” It’s cold, almost toneless. 

“Coriolanus-“

“I left you alone, didn’t I?” 

“What?”

Coriolanus sneers, “We lived in the same neighborhood but we did not help each other. After the war, we still didn’t help each other and wasn’t that for the best? When I look at you Persephone Price, all I see is what your family hunted.” 

Persephone’s eyes widened. Her fair skin quickly went pale. The look on her face is pure horror. Her scent pools out, rotten fruit that matches the scraps they once feasted on. 

The reminder sickens Coriolanus, that must be why he feels terrible for each word that spills out of his mouth. 

He continues, “I left you alone because why bring up old memories? No reason to bring anything to light. Now return the favor, Persephone. After all, you’ve done nothing for me.” 

This is his mercy. 

Persephone Price never targeted him for being poor and he never targeted her for her family’s butchery. She has no reason to actually care about him, she never had shown any ounce of care before. 

Coriolanus couldn’t be convinced that she would start now. 

He knows he hurt her. All for the sake of leaving him alone. If he could easily do this to Persephone, then what would happen if he did the same to Sejanus?

As he watches Persephone hurriedly walk away, all Coriolanus is left to focus on is this numbing coldness. How he feels utterly alone. It’s all his fault when people rightfully hate him. 

Like with starving, Coriolanus will learn to live with this. He has to. It’s what he did with his starvation, just another thing to mask away. 

When he rejoins Clemensia, she immediately reads something off about him. 

She narrows her eyes, “What did you say to Percy?”

“Nothing that she doesn’t already know.” 

“Alright, be vague, that’ll make you so mysterious, Coryo.” 

Coriolanus can never really escape the concerns of his friends. Clemensia has the decency to let the matter go in the classroom. Sejanus on the other hand fails to be subtle with his worries. 

The moment Coriolanus was in sight, he could feel those brown eyes just burning into him. 

“Mysterious? What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Coriolanus huffs out, “and before you ask, yes I am fine, Sejanus.”

“You can’t blame me for worrying.”

Coriolanus glares so hard because yes, he would love to blame Sejanus for all of his problems. Unfortunately, he cannot. Instincts are the reason Coriolanus entered a heat, and instincts are why Sejanus wanted to help him. It’s why Sejanus and Clemensia appear so tolerable. It's the reason why he wants to just hide away, his skin buzzed with envy of his friends’ scents. 

He forces himself to ignore such thoughts. Even as that pathetic need soothes as he walks with them. 

Maybe there’s some truth to Persephone’s concerns because he is an outlier to omegas. Coriolanus has starved for years and now suddenly such weakness is plaguing his mind. 

This new ache, without the use of scents, Coriolanus can only rely on pure consciousness that he has them. The two people he asked to be a part of his nest. 

Exhaling a deep sigh, Coriolanus tells them, “I appreciate both of your worries but I need to feel like things are normal again.”

“We know,” Sejanus reaches over and pats his arm. “A sense of control right?”

As if mocking him, Coriolanus again has that nesting urge to get Sejanus close. His hand lingers on Coriolanus' arm, reminding him too much of how Sejanus held him in his nest. That sense of safety calms any panic and nerves. 

Control, Coriolanus thinks. 

It’s the most important thing in his life. 

He can’t risk losing it. 

So when Sejanus removes his hand, Coriolanus freezes himself. Desperately choking his imagination of just reaching out to Sejanus and asking for more. 

More chances to be vulnerable, more of this feeling of safety, more of trusting this instinct of trust itself. 

Coriolanus forces himself to be normal as they get to class. He notes that Clemensia and Sejanus take the seats either side of him. 

Before Coriolanus could worry about being behind in their studies, Sejanus passed over his study notes. Coriolanus snatches the papers, resisting the urge to wrinkle it into a tight ball. 

Thinking similar thoughts, Clemensia side eyes them both with a teasing grin. Coriolanus threateningly holds his eraser, ready to throw. 

Glare alone, Clemensia dares him to. 

Coriolanus lowers his hand, sighing. There’s already too many eyes on him, at least it feels like it. Bringing more attention to himself is the last thing he needs. 

It gets worse when Felix Ravenstill approaches them. 

“Hey, Coriolanus, can we talk real quick?”

Why does everyone want to talk to him? Can’t they just leave him alone?

Coriolanus expected his instincts to scream out that Felix is still a threat, which he is in a political sense, but the alpha is all remorseful. Sad eyes and a guilty frown is not the usual confidence Felix carries. 

It occurs to Coriolanus at this moment that Felix must feel like he owes Coriolanus. He’ll have another rich and powerful ally in his good graces and-

Any thought of manipulation is crushed when he sees past Felix is Arachne Crane. Seated at the far end of the classroom, she keeps her face void of emotion. Yet the moment their eyes meet, something slips under her mask. 

Guilt. 

Then her gaze flickers to her boyfriend, because of course she wouldn’t miss that opportunity, and her eyes soften. Arachne chooses to stare at her desk. 

Processing all of that in a few seconds, Coriolanus has Felix follow him to one side of the classroom. He doesn’t trust being alone with someone who almost throttled him, Coriolanus needed witnesses, even if they wouldn't help. 

Unintentionally, Coriolanus looks over to Sejanus. 

The alpha won’t let Felix out of his sight. 

Good. That calms Coriolanus a bit. 

Returning to yet another conversation Coriolanus is reluctant to have, he asks, “What is it Felix?”

“Coriolanus, I’m really sorry about the other day.”

He doesn’t quite forgive Felix but he carefully says, “As long as it doesn’t happen again.” 

Any amount of guilt falls away as Felix asks with disapproval, “Well, will you and Arachne stop fighting?”

“...It probably won’t ever reach that limit again,” Coriolanus answers after a brief pause. 

He cracks a smile, “I guess that’s the best I can get from you two.”

Likely so.

Speaking of which, Coriolanus trails his gaze over to the girl in question, “She’s not going to apologize to me, is she?”

“Not today,” Felix hesitates, “I don’t think it’s in her nature.”

Neither is it in Coriolanus’ but he has apologized to Clemensia before. 

Has he ever apologized to Sejanus?

Felix thankfully interrupts his thoughts. “Well, if it makes you feel better, you should know that Arachne and I have demerits for causing such an incident.”

“For attempted assault?” He asks with more amusement than anger.

“For ‘giving into our base instincts at an inappropriate time and place.”

Instant dread forms in Coriolanus' gut at the way Felix quoted in slow gravatas. 

“The Dean gave you demerits.” Coriolanus hasn’t felt true panic in a while, a familiar thing caging his heart like a rabbit. “Did… did I get a demerit?”

“No, almost though. I did have to sway Dean Highbottom with a gracious check.”

A long sigh of relief spills from Coriolanus, “I hate that guy.” They share a quick laugh before Coriolanus says in a lowered voice, “Thank you Felix.” 

“It’s the least I could do.” His eyes flicker elsewhere, “Now I should leave you alone, I know an overprotective alpha when I see one.”

Knowing exactly who he’s talking about, Coriolanus tries to deny it. “Festus isn’t like that.”

Felix smirks, “Sure. Festus. That's who I’m talking about.” 

Coriolanus spends the rest of their class time fuming silently. 

He could handle being vulnerable in his own home, that’s as private as it gets but here at school? Exposed for showing some tender emotion to Sejanus Plinth? 

Yeah Coriolanus wants to claw his skin off and pretend it never happened. 

It is a cowardly solution but acknowledging Sejanus would make Coriolanus appear weak. It will show that Coriolanus is just as infallible to instincts as everyone else. Worse so that he was vulnerable to someone from the Districts, an outsider according to their classmates. 

He can’t show any weakness. 

Not throughout the rest of his classes and not even when it’s only him and Sejanus Plinth. 

Exactly like that one day, it’s just the two of them as everyone files out for lunch. Clemensia gave Sejanus a look before leaving them, as if conspiring or blackmailing Sejanus to confront Coriolanus. 

Predictably, Sejanus brings out two wrapped sandwiches from his bag but Coriolanus stops him. 

“I told you I needed this all to be over.”

Shocked, Sejanus asks, “Aren’t we past all of this?”

“No, we’re not.”

They’re back to their old song and dance. 

Sejanus presented food to Coriolanus, too starved to refuse. 

Coriolanus needs to break this cycle. 

He’s prepared to leave but Sejanus stands in his way. 

“I can’t take any more of your pity meals.”

“I’m not feeding you out of pity, Coryo.”

“Are you sure?” Coriolanus recalls one of his earlier spats with Festus. “You see someone in need and you automatically want to help to make yourself feel better. That’s the pity you’re giving me Sejanus.”

If that is how he matters to Sejanus then Coriolanus wants no part. 

“Coriolanus, this isn’t some deluded savior complex or pride thing. Why can’t you understand me?”

In a matter of days, Coriolanus has built up so many assumptions about Sejanus Plinth. 

It gets worse every moment they spend together, every second Coriolanus almost enjoys being together. 

“Everytime I fool myself into thinking you know me, I end up wrong. You will see all my flaws and still think I’m worth something. I don’t matter to you Sejanus. It’s just all instincts that mean nothing. I don’t need you to survive.” 

It all circles back to survival.

This is what Coriolanus Snow needs to do to survive this world now that instincts have sunk deep into him. 

His skin is vibrating, his heart a deadly ache. Torn between the urge to keep yelling at Sejanus and the pathetic need to claim sanctuary, that safe place of a nest of spearmint and nutmeg, Coriolanus is at a standstill. He receives all of Sejanus’ displeasure and criticism. 

“I honestly thought you’d change after your heat.” Sejanus doesn’t bother to hide his sadness. 

“So you did prefer me like that,” he accused. “Me as the stereotypically soft and useless omega?”

“No I don’t and that’s not what I meant,” Sejanus shakes his head. “You wear a mask, you starve everyday, and you still deny scenting. Do you really want to continue that routine when you know you can change? You can trust me.” 

“This isn’t about trusting you,” Coriolanus argues.

He just can’t trust anyone else. 

There are more eyes on him now that he made a fool of himself. Especially now with the gossip around him and Sejanus. What’s worse is that Sejanus truly doesn’t care for it. Instead he focuses on the issues that stem only from the paranoid mind of Coriolanus Snow.

“What kind of problems arise if I give you food? Stupid rumors? We shouldn’t care about any of that crap.” Sejanus gives him the most pathetic, mopey frown, as if it physically hurts to see Coriolanus troubled.  “I told you, I wouldn’t let you starve even if you hate me forever.”

This is too much. 

It’s too much to hope that this is all true. 

Coriolanus recalls how he alluded to Sejanus being responsible for all the good things that’s happened to him thus far. It’s maddening to think how accurate that fear is. Coriolanus cannot devote every good memory with Sejanus, it would be another food he’ll starve for. 

A gluttonous thought to just take without a care is always in the back of Coriolanus mind. Do and take anything just to end the hunger. Coriolanus knows that the hunger will never end.

“I thought you trusted me or at least Clemensia.” Sejanus continues, “I thought I got through to you about this. I care about you, Coryo.”

The nickname rattles something in Coriolanus. 

Sejanus hits too close to home, the one weakness that Coriolanus opened to him. This is how Sejanus tries to disarm him, with pure kindness. 

It makes no sense.

To understand, Coriolanus can only see the logic if it’s cruel. 

“I don’t matter to you Sejanus,” Coriolanus said with a confidence so strong that it made his knees weak. “You only think so because you feel obligated, because you care too much. It’s a pathetic endeavor to keep treating me like this. I don’t want to depend on you.”  

That quiet moment haunts Coriolanus, when he asked if he mattered to Sejanus Plinth. He didn’t sound happy or devoted or anything of the sort. 

Sejanus must know he’s attached to Coriolanus, through instincts or deluded devotion. It’s a challenge with no reward to love Coriolanus Snow and Sejanus has yet to realize it. It’s only a matter of time so Coriolanus is expeditating the eventual hate. 

It looks like it’s working. 

Sejanus Plinth can barely keep the rotting and stale stench of nutmeg from boiling into a fire. The usual soft and sweet brown of his eyes glare at Coriolanus, yet they’re as vulnerable as ever. 

This should be a victory but smelling that rotting scent made Coriolanus want to die. 

“Is this what you meant before? About how you hate needing me. You can’t accept the reality that everything would be okay if you…” Whatever Sejanus is thinking, it dies unfinished. Instead he pesters with more questions, “Did you regret it all? Did you regret letting me in?” 

No.

Things aren’t so different outside of his heat. There are parts of Coriolanus that still find solace in Sejanus. Coriolanus can only resist such kindness for so long. 

Without answering, Coriolanus forces himself to walk away from the kindest person in his life. 

There’s something else preventing Coriolanus from accepting food from Sejanus. 

It must be jealousy, seeing how Sejanus’ life is so bountiful. Freely and easily feeding Coriolanus like a pet that just needs to be coaxed out of its cage. It’s humiliating, it’s the debt that Coriolanus never wants to fall in. 

Coriolanus had thought that his dramatic storming away would be uninterrupted but nothing has prepared him for seeing someone standing right outside the classroom door. 

There was no time to doubt, this person easily spied on them. Now she is making no attempt to hide.

Persephone Price stares at Coriolanus with an unreadable face. 

“I’ll talk to him,” she said reassuringly but Coriolanus has no idea what she’s talking about.

As soon as Sejanus exits the classroom, Persephone is leading him away. His confusion is as irrelevant as Coriolanus’ because both are dumbly letting Persephone do what she pleases.

What just happened?

Suddenly, Festus rushes to his side, demanding, “What was that?”

Coriolanus tries to shake off his bewilderment. “She said she’ll talk to him.”

“About what?”

“I-I don’t know.”

Coriolanus hates that he doesn’t know. 

Unanimously, Coriolanus Snow and Festus Creed follow after them.

-

Thanks for reading!