#oh the Child was so alone

[katsy-kitty]

the child inside me that's hurting wants ART

the child wants me to create art

to express myself

to be creative

and so I wrote a poem and tried to write another one but failed because I wanted it to have a nice rhythm but it was too complex of a task for me

but like

I'm not giving up on that

I'm not giving up on that child

child, please know that I care about you and I REMEMBER YOU

you're not alone anymore

but I'm finding it hard to take care of myself oftentimes so I won't be the best guardian and friend all the time

(do you even need a guardian, Child? you seem pretty self-reliant. but maybe that's because you had to be)

I'm learning

we'll get there one day

and maybe you won't be sad all the time anymore

or maybe you will be

and that's fine too

I've come to terms with accepting the sadness to be eternal

if it turns out to be

I'm ready for both outcomes

[arthursfuckinghat]

You know, whenever I see the discussions around Jack Marston possibly getting drafted in world war one, I can't help but physically ache at the thought of it.

Jack Marston, born into a gang that honoured freedom above everything, forced to sacrifice everything he has left for war.

Jack Marston, a boy who read about knights and soldiers, now forced to become one in another fight he never asked for.

Jack Marston, raised to be away from a life of violence, but now the world has found a way to drag him back in.

No matter what happens, Jack would have to face a really tragic dilemma. Does he go to war and sacrifice the legacy of freedom he was raised with? The life his family died for? Or refuse and be labeled a criminal, putting his parents to shame and repeating the same cycle his father went through?

It just tragically mirrors the struggle he’s always had - trying to find his own identity outside the legacy of John Marston, and the violence that came with it. But he's being pulled back in, no matter what he chooses.

He was never made for the violence that shaped his parents' life.

[tomatoart]

to stay the same sad, sorry mother

[sugarlesswriting]

stop asking former nick stars what their thoughts are on the doc. Stop saying that the only reason they aren't saying anything is because they took hush money.

Like what if something did happen to them? It's none of your fucking business. You don't want to make sure they're okay, you're just nosey as fuck now and think you're entitled to their story

[inkskinned]

this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.

it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?

it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.

as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.

on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.

and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.

and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.

as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.

[manuinout]

Just because I have an OC x Canon ship doesn't mean that I'm inserting myself in the movie ;-;

[tending-the-hearth]

i can't sleep and all i'm thinking about is how percy and clarisse are best friends but best friends in the most sibling "i hate you more than anything but if anyone so much as looks at you wrong i will kill them in a heartbeat" way

like their quest together where they saw each other's biggest fear, percy overhearing clarisse's conversation with ares, clarisse pleading with percy to understand that silena was a hero????

you cannot tell me that sally jackson didn't take one look at clarisse and not completely want to engulf this broken, hardened teenage girl in the warmest hug possible.

just percy and clarisse being best friends and no one knows the specifics, no one except for annabeth and chris knows exactly what went down.

and god forbid these two have a normal friendship, they will bicker and snap and say the harshest things, but they can also have entire conversations with their eyes and know exactly when the other is being triggered into a bad memory and needs to spar or talk.

like yes they're each other's rival but they're also each other's support system. they're best friends, they're siblings, they're enemies to friends to "i hope you get eaten by a hellhound but if that happened i'd go down to the underworld to get you back because i platonically can't live without you".

these two are trauma bonded to the max and i'm begging people to start talking about their friendship more

[merakiui]

That ruggie thought about him getting you pregnant 👀 u always leave bangers in yhe tags

Putting bangers in the tags is a merakiui speciality. :D

(cw: slight yandere, nsfw, pregnancy, female reader, mentions of abortion)

Ruggie is a sneaky hyena, so naturally you shouldn’t have trusted him when he said he’d pull out before he cums. The two of you are just friends, yet one thing leads to another and the both of you agree to a night of mutually beneficial affairs. School is stressful! Running errands for Leona is stressful! If anything, the both of you deserve to unwind with one another. Ruggie makes it very clear that he will pull out. There’s no way he can risk cumming inside, and neither of you have any condoms on hand either. His pull-out game is elite; don’t worry. You’re in good hands. 

Until you aren’t and you wake nauseous weeks later. You’re quick to get a pregnancy test and when it comes back positive and you realize that the only one you were intimate with was Ruggie... Now things are complicated. The both of you sit in his dorm room on his bed, staring at the test and then at one another. It’s so awkward; the silence is stifling. He’d promised he’d pull out and he fully intended to, but in his defense it was warm and snug inside and you’d wrapped your legs around him and!!!! Excuses, excuses, excuses.

Ruggie offers an awkward apology that sounds insincere, but the truth is that he’s never been in this situation before and he has no idea how to smooth-talk his way out of this. So he tells you very bluntly that he can’t afford to take responsibility. He can get Leona to pay for any fees that might crop up if you don’t want to keep the child. He just can’t balance a fussy prince, academics, part-times, and a child. That’s way too much. Not to mention children are expensive and he’s very tight on money. He wouldn’t want to subject a child to a poor life because he isn’t financially stable. You understand where he’s coming from because with your monthly budget there’s no way you can afford a child either. But all of this is so...real. It’s one thing to entertain ideas like pregnancy, but it’s another to actually be pregnant.

So you tell Ruggie you need some time to think things through before you make a decision and he offers his support. After all, it was technically his fault that the both of you are in this predicament. He is genuinely sorry! He really wouldn’t dream of stressing you out with this. If he was rich, it would make your lives so much easier. Leona won’t provide any help because it isn’t his problem to solve. The way he sees it, Ruggie shouldn’t have had such a weak pull-out game. Ruggie’s humiliated that that’s what Leona decides to comment on. Leona does, however, wish you the best of luck. He does care for you in his own gruff way, but don’t expect him to bow to you just because you’re pregnant. 

Time passes and with it a dozen decisions fester. No one could tell you’re pregnant because it doesn’t show, but Lilia has popped in to gift you a pair of baby booties he’s crocheted and Malleus has started to visit more often to wish you well and check in. Some of the beastmen seem to perk up when they’re near you, as if they can sense the change in hormones, and the merfolk exchange sly glances. Everyone’s starting to wonder. 

When you finally, after much debate, decide to visit the doctor and Ruggie accompanies you (for your sake, he claims. He’s not a deadbeat, so wipe any of those ideas from your mind at once!), the doctor informs you that you’ve waited much too long and that now you ought to focus on preparing for the baby. You and Ruggie die that day in the pristine office, and you leave hollow and nervous. You knew you should’ve gone sooner, but you were never afforded a break. With Grim’s nonsense and then trying to scrounge enough money to fix a hole in the wall (thanks to Ace and Deuce’s foolishness) to managing your own academic schedule, you pushed pregnancy to the back of your mind because you were so certain that you had time. 

You try to look on the bright side, but Ruggie’s a realist and there’s absolutely no way the both of you can afford this without having to take out a loan or sign one of Azul’s contracts or work more jobs or... It doesn’t look good, but he wants to try to figure out a solution. So when Ruggie starts working more to afford pre-natal care (Leona’s wallet is always missing Madol, but he never notices, certainly not when he has a habit of leaving his valuables out and about), you try to do your part by looking for work as well. The both of you spend nights in either his dorm or yours (mainly yours, though. Ruggie doesn’t want any of the guys getting any funny ideas) and you’ll read up on pregnancy and parenthood together. You haven’t decided what you’ll do once the child is born, considering neither of you have any romantic feelings for the other and you’re not too keen on forcing a relationship that’s bound to fail. 

Despite the initial fears, all poorly concealed, you and Ruggie slowly relax as the weeks go by. The both of you are saving up to afford everything needed for a healthy pregnancy, but there are certain factors that get in the way. Nausea is your enemy. You’ve had to excuse yourself from your shift more than once to vomit, and Ruggie’s started staying in Ramshackle with you and Grim to cook and care for you. He rubs circles into your back when you spill the contents of your stomach into the toilet every morning, sometimes right after your meals. You caught Grim sleeping on your stomach one morning, to which he will adamantly deny it and scoff about how you’re just delusional and trying to spin a lie. 

When your baby bump finally starts to show, it becomes harder to hide the obvious. You’ll receive some support from Crowley because he’s so very kind, but you’re still expected to attend classes and such. Although the professors are admittedly a little more lenient with you now that they know of your situation. Ruggie wishes they’d be more lenient with him. Trein advises Ruggie to treasure the blessings that come with children. As noisy and troublesome as they are, it’s so very worth it in the end. His daughters mean the world to him; he’d do anything for them. Ruggie thinks this conversation got weird fast because since when does Trein get sentimental one-on-one like this? But...he’s grateful for the advice. He confides in Trein that he has no idea what he’s doing, but he’s really trying because... Because. He doesn’t have an exact reason, but he’s just doing it. 

Trein smiles at him and simply says that trying is better than nothing. Ruggie feels like this was the strangest pep talk he’s ever gotten, yet somehow it’s cleared his head a little. 

When your belly is more rounded and you’re a few months in, Ruggie suggests you stop working. Even Azul insists you ought to take leave; the lounge can survive without you. “It better be paid leave,” Ruggie threatens, to which Azul grins and says that a little signature can solve all of his issues.

Every single Madol counts. He’s filled jars and jars with bills and coins and he’s stowed them away in a locked space in his room. He’ll check the days off on his calendar as the both of you get closer to your supposed due date. He’s not sure why, but when you insist that you can work a little longer for his sake he doesn’t like that. He’ll work for you. He’ll do all of the heavy lifting and physical labor. Just relax and let him massage your shoulders or feet when they’re sore. Let him rub lotions and creams into your belly. Let him cook healthy, safe meals for you. Normally, Ruggie would let you do your own thing, but this time he’s a bit more forceful with his insistence. He doesn’t want you to hurt yourself or the baby, and he definitely doesn’t want you around those slimy Octavinelle students. 

For the longest time, Ruggie was so certain that there was nothing between the two of you. You’re not in love, you never kiss or hold hands, and you don’t even sleep in the same bed. You’re really just two friends trying to get through a tough situation. But lately he’s felt different. These feelings surface when he’s rubbing a soothing gel into your belly and he feels the slightest kick, and he freezes up and looks you in the eyes and both of your stares seem to say, You felt that, too, right? It finally occurs to him that there’s life inside you. That the little movement within your belly is the result of you and him. That, had you never waited in the first place, he wouldn’t be here with you, feeling a restless baby kick and squirm within. Ruggie finally understands what Trein meant all that time ago. Moments like this—the ones in which he’s reminded of the bond the two of you share, that this child is the one who tethers you and him together—are so very special. An important thing that only he could experience with you. 

Ruggie’s been feeling for too long and so he tries to back off, suddenly embarrassed, when your hands cover his. You smile at him and for the first time in his life he thinks that this isn’t a bad situation. Sure, it’s stressful and he’s exhausted every single day, but it’s a situation he doesn’t have to face alone. He’s together with you. With someone who is not quite a friend but not quite a lover either. Somewhere in between all of that. What does that even make you? He has no idea, but deep within his heart he wants you to be more than just a friend.

He’s never had anything that is remotely his. He’s always had to fight for his things. For food. For clothes. For money. He only knows survival because he’s never been granted the luxury of an easy life. So when you smell of him and you’re carrying his child and there are just so many traces of him on you it makes him realize that he wants this relationship. He wants to be your lover and future husband. He wants to be a father. He wants to be yours, and he wants you to be his.

Ruggie’s not sure what will happen after the baby is born and if the two of you will even stay as close as you currently are, but when he discusses potential names late into the night with you he pushes thoughts of the future aside. It’s important to plan ahead, but right now all he wants is to admire the way the moonlight frames you, the way you light up and laugh when he playfully suggests the name Ruggie Jr., and how warm you are. How welcoming your scent is. How comforting it is to know that it’s just you, him, and a precious miracle growing within you. (And a snoring Grim, but he’s too deep in sleep to be woken.) How perfect the two of you are, even when you’re struggling to make ends meet. Even then, he’s happy because you’re really all he needs to get through tough times.

He can’t let you go. He loves you too much, and hopefully by the end of these nine months you’ll love him, too.

[izzyspussy]

so anyway. headcanon that richie doesn't believe he deserves to be happy, but he makes a concerted effort to live a happy and fulfilling life post derry 2.0 anyway because the kid he used to be still deserves it, and also because all the kids and adults who don't know if it's possible for them or if they deserve it either need to see they can still have it too.

[teabutmakeitazure]

Wait! So I know Childe just likes to lay on reader’s bed and just watch them but i keep thinking if it were me I would lowkey get upset when anyone messes up my plushie arrangement 😭

And then I imagine once reader moves into his room 😵‍💫 like the pillow between them was one (slightly) cheeky thing but if I wake up and find my Cinnamoroll plushie on the floor I’m in my feelings all day.

Also want to add your writing is soooo good. I go back and reread your fics and feel like I have the biggest brain when I catch something. The line where you said (paraphrasing) he keeps the muzzle on and hands you the leash (?) keeps me up at night (affectionate) BECAUSE HE ACTS WEAK (er sorta?) ON PURPOSE AND LETS YOU HAVE (some) PEACE OF MIND WITH (most of) YOUR AUTONOMY ??! Yea in my head rent free

I don't have plushies so I didn't specify them because not everyone sleeps with plushies but for those who do,

yes. he punches them when you're not there. wdym they get to cuddle you and he doesn't???? sometimes he purposely doesn't smooth out their faces so you can see the after effects of the punch and when you angrily call his name and confront him when he saunters into the room, childe just gives you his best puppy eyes and goes, "well, that's what they get for hogging you."

if you find any of them on the floor, he will not confess. he'll just say something like "oh it must've fallen down when we moved in our sleep," knowing damn well he chucked it across the room in the middle of the night.

and yes!!! that's precisely what that line conveys! childe is just acting tamed. it's fun to see you think you have control over him, and it helps him catch on when you subtly try to manipulate him (like how it was mentioned in the second part that he doesn't respond to reader's subtle manipulations anymore). he knows you, and he knows what you're doing. he just lets you get away with it so that you feel comfortable <3

[necrotic-nephilim]

do you ship helena bertinelli with anyone? if yes, then which characters and why? what's your favorite helena ship? do you have any helena rarepairs? (i know you've talked about helena/steph and you're so right about it, it's a very interesting ship)

!!!! i have so many ships for my best girl ever yes oh my god thank you for asking.

my top pairing is probably Vic Sage/the Question. Vic is the basic answer, but man. i love them so much. no couple has matched each other's freak like that have. Justice League Unlimited is a great adaptation of Helena in general, but it also did a great adaptation of Helena and Vic's relationship. how he just dedicates himself to helping her with no expected return, but also wants to make sure she doesn't go too far in a hunt for vengeance that never ends for her. i think a lot of characters often want to change Helena or expect things out of her for their own needs, like the Batfam and the BoP. but Vic is one of the few people who just wants her to be better for her own good. when he tries to stop her from killing it's not because of his morals, it's because he doesn't want this crusade to consume her. and i just. man i think about them a lot. Helena rlly likes weird little men who give themselves wholly to her.

Zinda Blake/Lady Blackhawk is also a top ship for me. tbh i just like Zinda. but i do love how Helena and Zinda interact, being the more rough and tumble members of the BoP. they're both outsiders, in different ways. Helena is an outsider of the Batfam and Zinda is literally from a different time and an outsider to the current world. their friendship is so genuine and i think if Babs and Dinah can have. whatever homoerotic nonsense going on during BoP, then Zinda and Helena deserve some homoerotic nonsense too. as a treat.

if we're willing to count New-52 Helena, then i enjoy Helena/Dick/Tiger. i think Helena and Dick being a past relationship is really important in pre-Flashpoint for Helena's development, though i don't ship them as a serious couple beyond a fling. but in the New-52, i think this throuple be fun. Helena and Tiger respect each other as two very driven, no-nonsense agents and then well. they both clearly have some kind of thing for Dick. so it's fun finding the balance of how they could all work together romantically.

and ofc. it's a crime to mention Helena ships and not mention Renee Montoya/the Question. every time they interact it's really fucking gay. it's so gay that Kate Kane, Renee's own ex, assumed Helena and Renee were gay. i cannot be convinced against this ship. i genuinely think this ship should be canon. i mean. DC did tease us with this moment from an alternate universe and it's lived rent for me since. fucking criminal for us to only get one panel of what we could have if DC let Helena be a fruit in the main universe. being in love with Helena Bertinelli should be a right of passage for the Question mantle, i personally believe. if you asked me like. genuinely who i want to see Helena date in the current comics, Renee is my top pick. (i would say Vic but he's fucking dead and the New-52 butchered him so rip my mans-)

lois lane (2019) #10

besides those ships, just about every ship for Helena probably falls into the category of rarepair. like you said i've talked about my love for Helena/Steph before bc god. i think it should be a thing more people ship. once i finish the fic i'm writing about them i will convince others to like it.

i also think Helena/Cass could be fun. in a *lot* of ways Helena and Cass are narrative parallels to each other. Helena was a victim of her family being murdered at about the same age Cass was forced to be a murderer. Helena grows up to believe in lethal justice because of this, and Cass grows up to be staunchly against it. Cass' Batgirl suit was made *by* Helena. they both want to be protectors of the most vulnerable people. they balance each other out in a lot of ways and i think they should kiss about it.

also probably a rarepair, i think Helena/Lady Shiva is fun. their fight during Birds of Prey (2010) had... questionable moments for Helena's characterization, but i do love so much that Helena knocks Shiva off her feet and gains a deep respect from Shiva. like. Shiva gives her a nickname and shows her admiration. i would like to see fanfic where Shiva continues to be weirdly admirable of Helena and bothering her non-stop. they could be a fun fucked up toxic yuri moment. this is just. so gay to me.

birds of prey (2010) #6

my most rare Helena pair would probably be Helena Wayne, actually. but specifically Helena Wayne of JSA (2022). ever since, for some reason, it was made canon that the current Helena Wayne was named after Helena Bertinelli and took the name Huntress to honor her i *cannot* stop thinking about them meeting. because in-universe it makes *no* fucking sense for Bruce to name his kid after *Helena Bertinelli*, someone he's regularly at odds with and doesn't like. it's clearly an awkward explanation to try to make the whole two Huntress situation make sense. (it's almost as bad as Helena Wayne in the New-52 using Helena Bertinelli as an alias.) but because it's such an odd choice, i do think it could be fun for Helena Wayne, when she's back in time to see Bruce, to find Helena Bertinelli to get to know the woman she was named after and Helena Bertinelli just being. baffled by the idea of *Batman* naming his kid after her. it could be a fun fucked up moment.

my other super rarepair is Kara Zor-L/Power Girl. they had like. one meaningful interaction of JSA Classified and it's been PLAGUING me. something about when Power Girl doesn't remember her past and she's seeking a friend, she instinctively goes to find Huntress? but it's wrong bc this isn't *her* Huntress and neither of them understand why Power Girl would seek Helena out? god it's so good. i'm always a big fan of ships where one person in the ship is *so* obviously using the other person as a replacement for someone they lost and they both know it. it's such a doomed angsty thing where you could play with Helena actually really liking Kara, but knowing that she's just a replacement for Kara's Helena Wayne. good fucked up shit man.

and lastly: i really ship her with Dawn Granger/Dove. there's no canon basis for this, they didn't have a ton of interactions even when they were both on the BoP. but there's a very kind innocence to Dawn that contrasts Helena's violence really well. and i do love a ship with a corruption kink vibe to it. let Helena corrupt Dawn. i could write such fucked up porn about these two.

[quietwingsinthesky]

you ever just think about. “You are diseased, albeit a disease of our own making. No more.” you ever just. oh, they made him and they discarded him. it’s never going to be quiet again for him, and that’s just collateral. they let the sound rot through his whole life, his whole timeline. because that’s the kind of easy sacrifice you can make when you want to save yourself above everything else, one that doesn’t ask anything of you. you dig open a child’s mind and you bury your survival inside him and when he follows the noise back home, when he does exactly what you groomed him for, you call him ruined for it. that’s. you ever just think about that.

[musubiki]

tiny limochi appriciation

[synonymroll648]

from a vibes perspective, i totally understand why so many people look at keefe and go ‘this guy would be the male equivalent of a wine aunt when he’s older’. 

but. but. 

taking lore into consideration, in my heart, he’s terrified of alcohol (even if he tries really hard to hide it). because. like. his first exposure is almost guaranteed to be through cassius, and cassius canonically threw a glass extremely close to him at least once when he was, like, 8. maybe cassius wasn’t always extra nasty when he was drunk, but there’s gotta be a correlation in keefe’s brain between risking getting seriously hurt (emotionally or physically) and alcohol consumption that’s really hard for him to shake. 

[bunnihearted]

can i please fucking have a best friend before i kill myself i cannot stand this loneliness anymore it isnt even funny like im actually in so much pain bc of loneliness i feel like i cant breathe and like im gonna die everything hurts so bad i cant take it i try to pretend im ok and during a little while it works but then it all comes crashing down again i literally cannot be alone anymore i will die

[sampilled]

girls who spent their childhood in isolation when they see sam winchester