#oh my god this ended up so long

[littledata]

in your new fic (love by the way) just wondered if you could elaborate what Ava and Bea discuss when they call each other and realise they’re gonna be a couple.

Really interested to know when they both realised and how Bea discussed the beach night to her?

Thanks if you can

“It’s stupid because it’s not here in front of me,” Ava says, grinning stupidly. She can't seem to wipe it from her face, her mouth doesn't seem capable of doing anything else. “Four months, oh my God.”

On the other end of the phone, she can hear the wind rushing past Beatrice, and she half feels like it might sweep through the line and blow her way. For years she's carried the weight of loving Beatrice and believing she couldn't - or wouldn't - love her back, has borne the endless cycle of soaring hope and crushing disappointment with relative dignity and minimal crying into Mary's shoulder.

Now that Beatrice has said it though (I feel very deeply for you - she'll relive those words again and again) she's sure she could float away with the slightest breeze.

"Did you - would you have said anything? If I hadn't..." She doesn't want to say 'got down on my knees and begged you to love me in the middle of a train station' although that's certainly how it had felt; how it felt driving home in Lilith's car wondering if Beatrice would ever look at her the same way again.

"I don't know," Beatrice tells her. "Maybe not. I felt very muddled about all of it. I tried hard to resist it."

"How long?" Ava asks greedily. Now that she's had a taste of Beatrice wanting her, loving her, she can't get enough, will gladly drink it all down and ask for more.

"Hm." Beatrice says. Ava can't see her but she knows Beatrice's noises and silences well enough to understand that she's thinking about it. She's found, over the years, that where her own emotions are often clear and straightforward to her, looming large over everything she does, Beatrice's tend to be more subtle, more textured. Often, she has to sort through them before she's able to express them at all.

"Do you know that lots of girls smoked at my school?"

Ava's brows furrow, confused by the apparent non-sequitur, "Huh?"

"I mean, that lots of girls smoked, and I always refused to join in them. I didn't like it, I thought it was smelly and unpleasant."

"You smoked with me," Ava reminds her, "The first time we met." Ava thinks of it often - wonders regularly the path her life would have taken if she hadn't sneaked out of the tour of the rich asshole boarding school and found Beatrice crying behind the kitchens.

She hears the smile in Beatrice's voice, "That's what I mean. You offered me a cigarette and I accepted, even though I never had before. I think I wanted to impress you."

"Impress me?" Ava lets out a startled laugh, "You're like, the most impressive person ever."

"We'll have to agree to disagree," Beatrice says, amused. Ava wishes very badly she could see her, pull her close. "But I think that's when it started - although I didn't know it then, of course. I only realised it in little bits over the years. Coastal erosion, you know."

"I know," Ava agrees. She's so in love with this ridiculous nerd. "You remember when you came to the hospital to see me? When you were in university and I took those - uh. Well, when I ended up in hospital, anyway. As soon as you walked in, everything felt better, and I just knew."

"That long?" Beatrice asks softly.

"Yeah, that long." Ava agrees. It isn't that she's spent the last ten years pining: she's had boyfriends, girlfriends, even fallen in love a couple times over. But quietly, in the very back of her mind, it's always been Beatrice. Just Beatrice.

"I'm sorry I didn't act sooner," Beatrice says regretfully.

"Don't be sorry," Ava tells her immediately. "Don't. We got here. I didn't think we ever would. That night on the beach trip I kind of felt like I'd fucked everything up, like we'd never be friends the same way again."

"I think if anyone fucked up then it was me." Beatrice sighs, "I felt like I'd taken advantage of your desire for physical affection."

Ava pauses, decides she isn't going to say it and then says it anyway. "So I did turn you on, right?"

"Oh God." There is a smothered laugh and Ava imagines Beatrice is covering her face with her hand, "Do we have to get into that sort of detail?"

"So that's a yes." The grin is back on her face and bigger than ever.

"It's a yes," Beatrice admits, "And I'm sorry I didn't handle it very well. I was embarrassed, I think. And angry with myself."

"Angry?" Ava asks, "Is the thought of me touching you that bad?"

"No, of course not." Beatrice is quick to correct her, "The opposite, really. I was angry at my own lack of self-control in maintaining the boundaries of our friendship."

"Hm." Ava considers this for a long time, "You know, you should probably go back to therapy."

"I'm going to allow that comment only because it's you."

There's something in the way that Beatrice says you that makes Ava's heart flutter and dance in her chest. She wants badly to hug her, pull in her and tell her it's okay, feel the warmth and the strength of her. She wants to touch her again and see if she can make her gasp, hold her hand and run her fingers through her hair.

And she can say it, now, doesn't have to keep it inside anymore. So she does. "I want to kiss you really bad right now."

Beatrice inhales a shaky breath. She says, "I want to kiss you too."

[bloominglegumes]

i love normal guys doomed by the narrative

[four-pointed-leaf]

happy pride month

[frosted-woods]

autumn time to be gay and totally fine and not miserable at all

[lazylittledragon]

ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:

i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???

[confoodles]

If I had a nickel for every time Mariah played a character that was incredibly attached to their phone to the point of putting themselves/others in harm's way because of it, I'd have 3 nickels which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened 3 times.

[tizeline]

Does that mean you watched the new sonic movie?

If so, how did you like it?

Spoiler alert vvv

I have, and I did like it, but I dunno if I vibe with it as much as other people seem to do. TBF I've never loved the live action Sonic movies, they're decent enough but definitely not my favorite piece of Sonic media. That being said, this was probably my favorite out of the movies so far? They have improved a lot since the first one which is great to see.

One thing I think the movie did great was the action scenes, the coreography and animation was so fun and impactful and incredibly exciting to see! I also think the movie did a good job on selling us on Shadow's and Maria's friendship in a short period of time, that little montage of the two of them just doing a bunch of silly goofy shenanigans was really endearing. The wholesome innonsence of it all makes Maria's death hurt way more.

EXTRA spoiler, but arguably one of the things that made me the most excited in ghe movie was the post credit scene where Amy showed up LMAOOOO I've been waiting for her to show up. And I exepcted Metal Sonic to show up sooner or later in these movies, but I didn't expect a whole army of them haha but that seems like a fun idea.

[sammygender]

thoughts on how the sam & dean part of the fight before sam left for stanford went !

i am addicted to thinking about precanon so thank you for this <33

i think people r generally way too optimistic about how that initial seperation between them went. dean is awful to sam about stanford even years after he left and years after he came back!! hes still very visibly angry about it in s5 which is NINE YEARS after he left in the first place and refuses to even tolerate the idea it was a good moment for sam. i cannot comprehend how people think 22 year old dean had the emotional maturity to even let sam go without a fight, nevermind be supportive about it.

like. theres this amazinggg art on here of sam hitchhiking to stanford and all the comments are like 'erm that black eye would be from JOHN actually!' (side note but it is so funny to me how spn fans decide john hit them based on implication (which i agree w... to an extent...) but dean hitting sam onscreen multiple times somehow translates to 'DEAN WOULD NEVER DO THAT'. erm. okay.) 'nooo dean would've given sam a lift!'

and like. what show are you watching. if dean would've given sam a lift he would've done it to the bus station in moody silence and then locked the doors of the impala so sam couldn't get out to catch his bus to stanford and they would've started physically fighting for the car keys and dean eventually wouldve let sam get them and sam wouldve left. or something. but it would not be some sweet brotherly moment bc that directly contradicts canon <3

i do think the worst of the fight is between sam & john - that's always what's implied in canon - and in my head dean's just standing there stonefaced maybe refusing to even talk to sam until theyre left alone somehow and he breaks. but i also think dean hits sam at some point, will always have the image in my head of sam showing up to stanford w a bloody nose and fending off questions. (internally hes like no my dad didnt do this it was my brother so its fine. <3.) theres a scene like this in one of my fics so im just drawing from that. but. like....

idk how dean/john finds out. if dean found out before john, i think dean probably wouldve run to him about it in an attempt to get sam Not To Go as much as it would be nice if he didnt, so i reckon they have to find out at about the same time. i think sam is unsure what to expect from dean, who of course (as far as we see both in flashbacks and in canon) alternates between genuine care and support and angry, desperate possessiveness. he probably hopes for the best and expects the worst and gets the worst.

there r definitely lots of different ways it could go....maybe sam tells dean and dean tells john. maybe sam tells john without telling dean at all and thats how dean finds out which totally wrecks him. maybe sam tells them both at the same time. maybe sam never tells them and they find the acceptance letter. this is why stanford fight is sooo fascinating. i feel like i could write five different versions of it and all would be possible/interesting.

but whichever way, i just dont see dean as contradicting john. he generally Doesnt Ever precanon, this is established, he admits it himself, thats why its such a huge moment when he defends sam at the end of s1.....sam going on about dean 'protecting him' is 1. more subtle and probably to do with dean being the one to shoulder most of johns emotional baggage than the heller misinterpretation of 'john hit dean but not sam and thats what this means!!!' (tho i am sure dean did genuinely Protect sam sometimes including from physical violence. of course he did. this isnt to discredit that..i just emphasise the Sometimes.). and 2. partially just classic Sam Rewriting History (u always protected me from dad, from lucifer....girl he did those things very little certainly not always. know your worth sam winchester).

so if dean gives sam a very angry lift (to a nearby bus station...there is absolutely zero fucking way hes driving him to stanford and tbh i already find this quite unlikely but possibilities r interesting) its on john's say-so or at least not disapproval. which like. sure maybe. john certainly is concerned about sam's safety even after he kicks him out, checking up on him at stanford etc, id believe that hed want to ensure sam Gets there even if the fight ended up so bad he told sam he couldnt come back. tho hes stubborn and i dont think hed say it. so maybe itd be a case of dean kind of picking up that that's what john wants and complying even though right now half of him wants to never see sam again and the other half wants to tie him to the radiator so he can never leave. sorry i am literally brainstorming fic ideas in this ask answer now.

anyway....SORRY id say long ass answer as always but this is actually INSANELY long......sorry guys im about to embark upon getting tested for adhd and maybe then my rambles will be, while not shorter in length, more cohesive? tldr fandom is wrong dean is an absolute ASS during stanford fight. obviously sam leaving devastates him and how does dean cope with devastation or perceived abandonment do we think?? hm?? he is just as angry as john for the same and different reasons. and thats really so much more interesting than him being Secretly Supportive. <3

[ryllen]

[ But i wish, the '"interesting" him' I am talking to right now, Hold some part of truth of the 'true him'. ]

----

( a bit of thought after seeing their 2 interactions on x & x )

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Do you think if the trolls all came back, like everything in the main comic did happen and they were alive again. Do you think Feferi would actually forgive Eridan? Or want to even be his friend after everything? I don't personally like the erisol and fefertasprite interaction…felt rushed…..so I just wanted to know your opinion if things were different! :)

Yeah, I think they would be! Feferi is one of the trolls who takes dying the least badly (relentless optimism) and Eridan does genuinely feel bad, which means a lot when it's Eridan. I think she really is genuine when she says she wants them to be friends and also that she's really not the type of person to hold a grudge, and like... death is SUPER cheap in Homestuck, it's really not the horrific, irredeemable, irreperable damage that it is IRL - and if you're talking about (Feferi) and (Eridan), then they're both dead (and irrelevent) now, so the score is kind of even.

In general, the fandom - I mean, people in general, really - tend to have difficulty divorcing themselves from other people. We tend to assume that the people and characters they like will hold similar opinions to themselves. This is how people who like Karkat and don't like Eridan can mentally gloss over or even block out their clear, close friendship, or how people who dislike Cronus can end up overlooking that Meenah actually takes his opinion seriously and unironically defends his wizard thing. Feferi really isn't mad at Eridan or upset about dying the way we probably would be, because she's friends with the horrorterrors, relentlessly cheerful, comfortable with death in general, and death is also just not really that big of a deal in this setting. "I'm really sorry about that, that was shitty of me" is honestly probably all the apology she needs, especially if they came back to life anyway.

[leyartser]

"Baldur's Gate 3"? No.

Tav's Bizarre Adventure

[luminique]

i bet that when lighter yearns, he yearns HARD. he can act all suave and cool around other people but when you come to mind while he's alone in bed he has to sit up and hold his head in his hands cuz he wants u soooo bad

but also he's just like me fr cuz he's got me giggling and kicking my feet from his voice alone (aleks le you god)

he just like me too frfr. also when i found out he was voiced by aleks le, i went full on NERD MODE (i LOVE knowing voice actors and their other works) and concluded that he would sound really good before i even heard his voice officially. aleks le my goat….

ANYWAYS !! i think he gets a little annoyed at himself for not being more straightforward with you. once in a blue moon, he’d go to new eridu and see other couples holding hands, and he’d yearn so hard to the point where he stops his bike and just rests his head on it. it kills him that he can’t do the same with you, he wishes that he wasn’t the champion just so that he doesn’t have to always act so cool and mysterious.

especially when you both get so caught up in your own errands, he doesn’t get time to see you. all he can do is just catch a glimpse of you before you’re gone again. he hopes that lucy would give him some odd job that allows him to be with you but it just NEVER happens.

at the end of the day, his playlist would go from something cool to slow, sad love songs. once he’s in bed, he wonders whether you’re safe in bed too. whether you think about him too, whether you have been missing him. maybe tomorrow he’ll be able to see you… even if it’s just for a second. he wants to see you, he needs to.

[intotheelliwoods]

-> -> Guess whos AU is turning a year old on February 17th!

The time when the update will be posted is not specified since it will all be dependent on my work schedule, however I will try and let you all know when it is being posted in advance if I end up posting it very late in the day!

(I am in MST)

[wormontwostrings]

idk how to feel about this but the colours are nice

[someawkwardnerd]

the end of the end

[valhallavalgrace]

How have your interactions with your floormates been? Do any of them seem particularly friendly?

I think this might be your guy to talk to, Leo, just a hunch...

prev ask