#oh my god how did this even happen WHAT my flight was delayed way too long

[femmecelworld]

intro to american political campaigns:

a romencken bestie asked me what campaigns were like/how they work, so I tried to do a brief overview… lol. I work in politics and I’m an overexplainer, so this is probably way more information than they intended. BUT if you were ever curious about the weird wild world of american political campaigns or wanted to write a political AU fic, this should help!

wow where to even begin 🫠

First I should clarify that while the Dems and Republicans have more in common in political gamesmanship / campaigning than either party would like to admit, Republicans don’t run electoral campaigns the way Dems do. They don’t do a lot of what we call “ground game”, or “organizing”—which means the person -> person part of campaigns; people who knock on doors and make calls or send texts, organize rallies and voter events, etc.

if anything, they run “paid canvasses”: when the campaign or PAC group will just pay people to knock on doors and read a script and hand out lit (those flyers/pamphlets). How is that different from Democratic organizers? A Dem organizer also knocks on doors, but they’re responsible for a lot more and they should (🙃) have more agency and flexibility to make decisions about their particular area. Also they actually care very deeply about the issues or the candidate(s), whereas a paid canvasser might not—organizers get paid absolute shit wages and have terrible working conditions, so it’s not about the money. If an organizer want to hold a rally or organize some kind of action, or even start up a weekly activist book club or something—that should be within their purview. (Whether or not their boss okays it is another thing)

Republicans don’t respect people at all, Dems at least pretend to (if anyone wants, I’m happy to do a longer expanded version of this rant with the way the DNC treats entry level workers, unions, hourly workers, and marginalized people). So the GOP doesn’t really care about “organizing”—despite the fact I think they might even be better at it—because they do it in the shadows. And if anyone wants me to get into *that* on an expanded scale, I will, it’ll just be too long for a campaign overview here. Officially, the RNC doesn’t do things… but subgroups and PACs and “local organizations” will. The truth is, the GOP is deeply involved with all of that, it’s just not “officially” and not on their financial disclosures.

For example, this year, the Trump campaign basically didn’t even hire campaign staff on the ground. Like at all. And coincidentally, El0n Musk ran a national PAC that did a paid canvass program in the swing states (that was a garbage program but I’ll sideline that)

guess I should try to highlight the different kinds of campaigns.

501(c)(4) vs 501(c)(3)

OKAY STAY WITH ME HERE lol!!

You’ll hear this tossed around a lot if you work in politics; it’s the IRS filing designations between political candidates, campaigns, PACs, lobbyists VS. nonprofits and “non-political” orgs. basically it means directly campaigning for a candidate/group/issue and non-profit organizing—which is tax exempt, and that’s why this is important. So for instance, in America, a church could run a “get out the vote!” campaign without risking their tax-exempt status, because they aren’t advocating for a candidate or position. If they did, that would be considered a political contribution and they’d have to pay taxes.

Example that is definitely fake and for sure not a mess I had to sort out last spring COUGH— I had to repeatedly tell someone that I couldn’t help them unless they register with [redacted] because I’m a political operative and my time counts as an in-kind campaign contribution unless they go through my bosses.

Like you can’t just do someone a favor, as much as it might not seem like a big deal. Even if I were to write a basic script or help someone get access to, idk, an event space, that’s all going to get me and them in huge trouble with the FEC if they’re not filing properly.

Now I say that, yet republicans pull this bullshit *all the time*. The problem is, the courts are stacked, Citizens United fucked this country so badly we might never recover, and it’s really hard to nail them on this because they always have money for lawyers. But I don’t, so I don’t play about the FEC.

Think of c3 vs c4 as a firewall—we don’t coordinate. (The GOP does but everyone in America decided to turn a blind eye to that I guess)

501(c)(4) political operations:

Cool so let’s talk about what that means, practically speaking:

The DNC (stands for Democratic National Committee or Democratic National Convention) runs most campaigns, followed by candidates’ individual campaigns, then sometimes we see issue-campaigns or movements. In a presidential general election year, everyone comes out to play and we call that “coordinated campaigns”. That means the DNC or Dem state party (they’re synonymous for this context) will coordinate with the candidates and county parties to run one big machine (that’s how it’s supposed to work in theory, almost never that smooth in actuality)

I think what a lot of folks don’t understand is there are DNC campaigns and candidate campaigns. So in Pennsylvania 2024, there was the Democratic statewide campaign, the Harris-Walz campaign, the Bob Casey campaign—etc etc. All running at the same time. Now if the coordinated campaign was working properly (lol it was not) they all would have flowed together into ONE campaign, like tributaries running into a delta. Because you don’t want 5 different groups doing the same thing.

Top of the ticket / all the way down the ticket:

When political people say this, they’re talking about a ballot and all the candidates listed there. In the context of campaigns, they are probably talking about working for all party candidates at once. Like I was explaining above ^ why would we have 5-8 democratic campaigns who are essentially doing the same thing when we could just have one campaign talking about all the Dem candidates?

1. money. Coordinated campaigns are taxed differently than an individual candidates campaign (more, basically)

2. ego. There are a lot of candidates, who shall remain nameless, who think they know more than everyone else so they want to be in charge of their own campaign instead of allowing someone in dc to call shots for the coordinated.

3. competence. Now to immediately play devils advocate to my own point, sometimes they’re right about this! sometimes (almost always) the dnc/d.c./hq is absolute trash or the people they hire suck. I’m going to just ref this quickly but if anyone wants an expanded note on this I’ll do it: the congressional district in Nebraska that ran to the left, in the middle of a very red state. That candidate ran as an independent not a Dem, but this isn’t why (or not the whole reason) he won. He ran his own campaign without working with the dnc and it was absolutely the right move for his district and his brand.

4. But. More often than not, I see a candidate (or their campaign manager) who lets their ego run the show and it doesn’t end well

Presidential vs Senate vs Congressional etc:

Now I think you asked about a Senate campaign—I’ll say really the only difference in campaigns, outside of “coordinated” or not is just scale. Like obviously it’s harder to run a Senate campaign than a city council campaign (unless that city council campaign is in NYC) BUT the overall picture is pretty similar. You still need a campaign manager, good field math, excellent data, comms strategy, a treasurer, and a plan for ground game.

Your budget and fundraising projections will determine how much staff you can hire and the various phases of your field plan (I’ll get into more detail on a campaign simulation later) but your campaign still runs with the same kind of philosophy and method, just on a different scale.

Like on a small scale campaign, the campaign manager might end up wearing 7 different hats, doing strategy and comms and arranging political relationships AND management, whereas on a better funded or bigger campaign, they’re able to delegate better because they can hire more people.

In my experience, a big difference in culture is that you get a lot more true believers on candidates’ campaigns. People apply because they’re there for that person, not the general cause or issue. A little more hero worship, and people who just want to get that specific person into office. There is way more money in coordinated campaigns but I would pick my first candidate campaign over that in a D.C. minute.

(Lowkey if I could quit my current job and go back to working for my first candidate, making about 1/3 of what I do now, I absolutely fucking would {that was probably the last time I had faith in a politician lol})

NY does spending caps and small dollar matching, it’s very cool and the whole country should be doing it:

Outside the DNC:

Now there are also a lot of groups who essentially fall into D-branding or the Dem umbrella but aren’t technically part of the party. PACs like SwingLeft, NextGen, Run For Something, Emily’s List, NARAL, MoveOn, Human Rights Campaign, etc etc I’m not going to list them all because I don’t got time like that. But they will run campaigns exactly like the DNC. Campaign finance laws have been changing a lot in the last 8 years and coordination is getting murkier and murkier and it often depends what state you’re in. So there are some states where these PACs actually can coordinate with the DNC (which, my 2017 brain still gets hung up on that).

Then there are even more groups that do campaigns, but they aren’t the DNC or PACs, strictly speaking. And that would be like, the AFL-CIO, greenpeace, sunrise movement, etc. those campaigns vary a LOT year to year and candidate to candidate.

{If anyone ever has questions about mutual aid / issue advocacy campaigns, lmk, happy to ramble! I won’t get into it here because it’s a bit of a side tangent. But an example that everyone in America should be paying attention to is the stop cop city campaign in Atlanta Georgia. Absolutely horrific consequences for the country and the future of protest movements.}

So. Yeah. Political campaigns are a multi-billion dollar industry in the United States; they’re complex and insane and unfortunately not going anywhere.

Okay now I’m finally going to talk about the inside of a campaign lol 🤪🫠

Different parts/departments of a political campaign:

Field/Organizing. Comms. Data. Digital. Political. Finance. Operations (Ops).

Any of these departments (except Political) you can essentially start entry-level, like fresh out of college or completely new to the industry. Politics runs pretty young, and campaigns ESPECIALLY so. Most campaign staff are under 35. another time I’ll rant about how the dnc loves to snatch up wide-eyed college kids who don’t know how to advocate for themselves and pay them shit wages to do horrible endless work. Part of the reason for the age gap is ^ that, but also campaigns are so fucking grueling that you need the elixir of youth to survive them. You can’t do campaigns endlessly, you just can’t. The burnout is insane. And the turnover rate is very very high.

I know people who started doing paid campaign work while they were still in college, and were managing statewide races about 3 years later.

Now, 12 years ago, campaigns were a rich kids/nepo baby’s game. You didn’t get hired onto a campaign unless your parents were Important People with Connections. Entry level campaign positions often weren’t paid (and if they were, it was minimum wage), so no one could afford to work them unless they had parents helping them or other money. reason for that was of course keeping power consolidated with the elite. and you can imagine how diverse campaign staff was (cough)

plus, if you want to make it as a campaigner, you have to be able to pick up and move a thousand miles with a few days’ notice. you’ll work one campaign for 3-6 months, longer if you’re lucky, then the election, then you have to find a new job and 9 times out of 10, that means moving to another state to start all over again. It means you have to own a car, you have to be able to fit your whole life in said car, and you have to have savings for new apartment deposits or moving costs. Most people can’t afford to live like that.

But things have changed—not fast enough but making progress. Now wages are increasing (slowly) and they have healthcare and caps on working hours.

The first union campaign was in 2018 but wages were secondary to the other massive issue on political campaigns: sexual harassment. You would think that progressive spaces would have less of a problem with that, right? Nope. Sexual harassment was rampant on campaigns (still a huge problem even now tbh). The reason for that is campaigns cross a lot of boundaries: you work insane hours, at weird times, and you have to push yourself to ignore or blur typical social norms, like, you know, working up the nerve to talk to complete strangers about their political views and personal ideology. So there are a lot of late hours in the office, talking about politics and deeply personal issues, and you’re running on empty because the work is exhausting—yeah, shit happens. And bad actors take advantage of these situations.

(Once, with a friend from 2020, I was talking about this and realized campaign working conditions almost perfectly match the conditions necessary for captor bonding and psychological conditioning 🙃)

Anyway! Like I said in that earlier section, each of these departments is determined by the scale of the campaign and how much money you have. On a city council campaign, I worked up a campaign plan that allocated for about 5 staffers—that was for Manhattan, so you’d think there was more money than a typical race but! NYC does have some very cool campaign finance regulation, YAY for that!!! You would not believe how much money gets spent on some of these other cc races. If you were running a cc race for… idk, St. Louis? I’d budget for maybe 3 staffers including your campaign manager, and they will probably mostly be doing organizing work while the CM does everything else (strategy data comms political finance)

The one position you never short is the campaign treasurer. Most states legally require you to have one. But, that isn’t really a full time job thing or even a paid position. A lot of campaigns will just designate someone to keep an eye on the books and make sure the money adds up, but not pay them.

Believe it or not, your candidate will do the bulk of the fundraising. Check out AOC’s page for more on this; she has some great explainers on how much time members of Congress have to spend fundraising. That’s called “call time” or “candidate call time” and sometimes you’ll even have a finance person sit on the candidate to do this because candidates fucking hate it. And I get it, cold calling people for money sucks, but people are way more likely to write a check if the candidate themself calls. And I don’t work with candidates who won’t. I don’t have a lot of black and white rules, but one is I do not work with candidates who won’t fundraise their own race and won’t knock doors. Hell no. Because if you won’t put in the real work, why the fuck should I?

For a Senate race, you’re going to have more money (or you fucking better lol) so you’re probably looking at… it really does depend how big the state/race is, but I’d say somewhere from 12-20. Maybe more! Covid changed campaigns a lot too, and hiring has been a nightmare since 2020. And for a Senate campaign, you *should* have at least one person staffing each of the departments I mentioned.

Just a very very vague simulation of what your staffing timeline could look like—obviously I would be more specific for a certain state or candidate, but as an example:

{timeline for hiring staff and campaign phases}

For a statewide (senate, gubernatorial) or a high-profile congressional, I would have:

campaign manager hired 9 months out min

senior staff hired 6 months out min, depending on budget and campaign needs

other staffers, entry level and otherwise, hired 3 months out

if the campaign just doesn’t have the money, you can adjust all these maybe 6 weeks, and possibly get away with cutting other staffers or hiring organizers only for the final four weeks

Field/organizing will always be your biggest department, because you need to hire enough organizers to cover whatever your district is, how many people can feasibly knock/call/text/etc all your constituents. Hopefully you’ll get volunteers, but your staff is going to do the biggest piece of it.

Now my advice is to *never hire fucking consultants because they are evil*. Snake oil salesmen. Sorry but true! And I can say that because while that isn’t technically my job title, it’s closer than I would like (🥲😩) Also consider that Shiv Roy is a political consultant. So.

But republicans always hire consultants for their campaigns, so if you’re writing a GOP campaign, you’ll need to write them in.

Also, if you can afford it, a lawyer can be a good move, sometimes. Like if the candidate doesn’t have a law background and they haven’t worked with consultants or advisors or any other group who might have a lawyer on retainer… they either need to double check some things with a lawyer to make sure they’re kosher, or get a campaign manager who will do a crash course in FEC regulation and campaign legal guidelines online (me early on working for candidates who had no money lol)

So if candidates run afoul of campaign finance law, it isn’t always the end of the world, because people make mistakes just by not knowing the law—but you never want to be in that position if you can avoid it.

Campaign structure:

Basically how campaigns start is top down: you need to sit down and figure out the big picture stuff and strategy, then you can start hiring people and doing things. A lot of first-time candidates will work with advising firms or consultants to figure themselves out. Sometimes other groups (Emily’s list and run for something dabble in this, but lots of others) work in communities to identify good potential candidates, then they’ll help them get off the ground. It might be the candidate and campaign manager rolling by themselves for a few months until they can afford more staffers. Your campaign manager is, obviously, your most important hiring decision. Not only do they need to be competent and skilled in a huge variety of work, but they need to be a cultural match with the candidate. If they’re not, it doesn’t work. They don’t have to line up on every single ideological or political issue, BUT they do have to speak the same language. That’s something I tried to get to come through in anointed, the difference between someone like Aiden and Paul in how they relate to Mencken. Paul doesn’t give a shit about Mencken’s policies but he knows this work and he wants a Rep, any Rep, in the White House. (And I also wrote it this way because a classic party leadership move is forcing one of their own people into a candidate’s campaign after they get through the primaries and win the nom, and at that point, for a POTUS campaign at least, the simpatico thing isn’t as important because the campaign manager becomes way more about bureaucracy and task management than shaping policy) So he and Mencken don’t mesh very well and Mencken doesn’t trust him, but it doesn’t sink the campaign because of Aiden. Aiden is a true believer type—he might not have stuck around in politics if he and Mencken hadn’t built this relationship. And he’s great at his job because he gets Mencken and he’s down with the fashy shit.

A candidate does need an Aiden-type, someone who really truly believes in them, that the candidate feels like they can trust. You see chaos when candidates don’t trust their own staff or they pull too many cooks into the kitchen. There’s a good book (“Shattered”) about what went wrong with the 2016 Clinton campaign (what didn’t go wrong, damn) and a huge problem she’s always had is she doesn’t trust a lot of people and those she does trust, she listens to blindly and those people set themselves up as gatekeepers with no accountability. A whole ass mess.

If you want more detail on day in the life type stuff for a campaign, I can get into it, but it varies so much based on state and office. Basically it’s like… you work all day with little or no breaks, you put out fires constantly, everyone’s stressed, and you find yourself locking yourself in a hall closet screaming “why didn’t they do this a month ago!” Oh also there’s this thing called “floor time”—which is so fun once you get brainwashed enough. Basically it’s like, when you get overstimulated, you shut down your laptop and lay down on the floor for a while until you feel better. (I had Mencken do it on the plane in ‘a precinct short’)

🤠

Sample daily schedule:

8am start time for CM and senior staff, morning checkin call

10am start time for daily checkin call (usually per department)

***there are usually 1-2 all-staff meetings per week, with everyone from the campaign manager down to field organizers and interns

CM and senior staff would have a variety of meetings and calls, depends on campaign’s specific affiliations and political network

Meanwhile, other staffers settle in to the days work, after their department level meetings where the dept head assigns work or updates—if there’s breaking news or a special event (a rally, a debate night), all previous work gets sidelined in favor of that. Sometimes those events happen really quickly with no notice, like you get a call from HQ and they say “hey Candidate is going to be there in 3 days, put a rally together”

Field organizers do call time (not fundraising, canvassing calls to voters/constituents) or door knocking after 3/4pm. The closer it gets the election, the more contact they’ll do. So if it’s 6 months out, they might do it every other day or twice a week, but once you’re in the final 90 or 60 days, that gets moved up to every day.

Per US law, campaigns are not allowed to contact people before 9am or after 9pm.

Then there’s a nightly checkout call per department, probably at 7 or 9pm, depending on how close it is to election day (hours increase)

In other departments outside of the field/organizing, hours are much closer to a typical 9-5. BUT they will work as needed, on weekends late at night whatever, and their workload also increases exponentially the closer it is to election day. Pro and cons to working in these departments: you’re supposed to get better hours and you do get better pay. But your schedule is abused a lot more because they don’t have as strict hours and cutoffs as the field organizers. Like digital staff will get pulled on a moments notice and be expected to just work until Item X is done if there’s breaking news. Political dept staffers work just all the time, because there’s an unspoken expectation that you constantly network and go to events to gladhand in your “free time”.

Okay… wow. Not me writing a thesis on this damn 🫠

I think that’s pretty good general overview of how campaigns work, but if you’ve got more questions, go for it, I can always add more sections.

Hope you enjoyed this Proust-length novel about campaign world!

[lanawinterscigarettes]

Happy Birthday, B (Blair Waldorf x gn reader)

Summary: when you're too late to celebrate your girlfriend's birthday, you vow to make it up to her

Warnings: SMUT, swearing, cunnilingus/vaginal fingering (Blair receiving), light praise kink

A/N: so blair's birthday was november fifteenth and of course I don't remember until early morning the next day so please take this as an apology fic for forgetting (I love you B I'm sorry </3)

It was Blair's birthday, and you'd fucked up big time by doing the one thing you swore you wouldn't: not showing up.

You'd gone on a business trip right beforehand, promising you'd make it back in time to celebrate it with her. Your plane was supposed to land early enough on the fifteenth of November so you'd make it, but between flight delays and unexpected turbulence of course that didn't happen. Now you were arriving just after midnight on the sixteenth with an overdue birthday gift and a very angry girlfriend.

"Baby, I'm home," you called out as you entered your shared penthouse where you had the limo drop you off, frowning slightly when she didn't immediately come to greet you at the door. You supposed you couldn't really blame her all things considered.

"Baby?"

You dropped the shopping bags full of her birthday gifts- all of which were highly expensive designer and luxury brands, as you got only the best for your beloved -in the front walkway of the penthouse before continuing your search. When you finally found her, she was in the bedroom, pouting while staring down at the sheets.

"Baby," you cooed out as you moved to sit next to her on the bed. She simply huffed and turned away from you, clearly upset. "Baby, I'm so sorry I wasn't here sooner, my flight got delayed, and then it got cancelled, and-"

"I don't care about any of that," she spoke suddenly, her voice snippy and full of irritation. "It was my birthday, and you were supposed to be there with me."

"I know, baby, I know, and I'm so sorry," you desperately tried to apologize, wanting nothing more than to see her happy again. "I brought you some gifts I think you might enjoy," you added in hopes that perhaps that would be the thing to lift her spirits again.

You noticed her eyes lit up very briefly at the mention of you having gifts for her, but it was gone just as soon as it appeared, that same sullen expression returning as she mumbled out "Whatever".

The guilty frown on your face only deepened even further at that. "Baby, please," you pleaded, now starting to feel a little hopeless. "There has to be some way that I can make this up to you."

It was as if you'd said the magic words, because the next thing you knew her previously pouty lips had curled upwards into a mischievous smirk. "Oh, I'm sure I can think of something," she purred in a low and sultry tone, her gaze already darkening with the oncomings of lust.

That's how you found yourself with your face between her thighs in the earlier morning hours after her birthday, doing something that would certainly always make it up to her no matter what you'd done wrong, and that included missing her birthday.

She mewled and whined at the feeling of your tongue dragging along her wet slit, gently lapping up her sweet juices. One hand rested on her thigh, making sure her legs were kept spread while the other was inching closer and closer towards her aching hole itself.

Her back arched upwards almost immediately the moment she felt your fingers nudge inside her, expanding her velvety walls as you slowly pushed them in. "God, yes," she moaned loudly as her hands reached down to rest on top of your head, directing your mouth on where to go. "Just like that, God- Just like that, so good-"

The sound of her being expressively happy rather than angry at something you did only boosted your confidence and made you want to please her even more, which was definitely achieved judging from the loud whimper she let out when you changed course and decided to start lightly sucking on her clit.

"I- I'm gonna cum-" She announced right as her hips began bucking up against your face, your fingers intentionally plunging deep within her when she said that.

You could feel her body tense up underneath you, and you peeked up at her from your spot between her thighs, watching as she tilted her head back while biting her lip, trying to muffle her sounds of ecstacy the best she could. You were just about to pull away when you felt her hand shove your mouth back against her swollen clit.

"What, you didn't think we were done, did you?" She said with an obvious scoff, spreading her legs a bit further apart to give you some more room. "You owe me at least one more orgasm as well as whatever's in those bags that you brought me before you can even think about being forgiven."

She drove a hard bargain, but that was why you loved her. "Of course, baby. Whatever you say," was your only response to the demands that were being made, your fingers beginning to pump in and out of her at a quicker speed than before as you went right back to eating her out.

Blair was known to most to be hard to please, but you knew exactly which buttons to push in order to get back in her favor, and you intended to use them to your advantage. After all, the birthday girl deserved to be spoiled.

"This just in: B allegedly received apology head from her tardy partner after they didn't make it back in time for her birthday. At least, that's what's been gathered from what the neighbors say. Talk about a noise complaint. Here's a tip: next time, B should gift them with a watch so they'll remember to keep an eye on the time, or perhaps a calendar so they'll never forget her special day. Or at the very least she should hide their passport from them so they can't jet off somewhere without her. They might've left you hanging in the first half, but from what we've heard they always know how to keep you properly satisfied in the end. Happy birthday, B. Here's to hoping it wasn't a total disappointment. You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl."

End notes: I'm so obsessed with this even though it was written super duper fast haha

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[jujumin-translates]

★ Main Story | Act 13 - Budding Spring | Chapter 28 - Welcome Home

Itaru: (This is bad. I can’t get a taxi at all. And the line’s not letting up either… Got one shot at this left. Hopefully there’s a car rental place somewhere near he--.)

Sakuya: Itaru-san! Welcome home!

Itaru: --.

Masumi: You’re late.

Citron: We have come to pick you up~!

Chikage: Good work.

Tsuzuru: Your flight being delayed was some astronomically bad luck.

Itaru: Huh? What? What are you doing here? What about the play? No, you guys can’t all be here!

Sakuya: We were so worried that we couldn’t help it, so we might be trying for a bit of an impossible wish here.

Chikage: We decided to run through our lines in the car so as to not waste time.

Masumi: Director was supposed to be the first one I drove around…

Tsuzuru: You were a really safe driver, Masumi, just like we thought you’d be, so don’t worry about it.

Itaru: No way, you guys came to pick me up… Isn’t this like an insanely risky move?

Chikage: All’s well that ends well.

Tsuzuru: You weren’t able to catch a cab, right?

Itaru: Well, you guys doing this is definitely a huge help.

Itaru: Wait, why do your faces look darker than normal…? What did you guys eat?

Tsuzuru: Your face won’t get darker just from eating something! It’s just makeup!

Masumi: We were trying to save time.

Itaru: Gotcha.

Citron: Itaru, this is not the time to be the funny man!

Itaru: Says you…

Chikage: Well, if you’re up to doing that, then there’s no need for us to be worried.

Sakuya: Alright, let’s hurry! Everyone’s waiting for us!

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Manager: Thank you very much for coming to see MANKAI Company’s Spring Troupe’s performance “Romeo and Julius ~Rosso e Blu~” today.

Manager: Please remain patient until the start of the show.

Towa: …

Audience Member A: I wonder what’s going to happen in the sequel.

Audience Member B: Do you think everyone’s got the same roles they had in the first one?

Audience Member A: MANKAI Company’s first sequel, I’m both really excited for it and dreading it…

Audience Member B: I know, right!? I saw RomiJuli back when it first ran, too, and I’m like the biggest Romeo oshi ever…

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

momo has entered the chat.

shiki: Oh? I thought you were going to go see the performance on opening day today.

Iv: smth with all the fuss you were making abt the ticket gods?

momo: Had to come take refuge here because I was literally about to explode from how badly I wanted to join the conversation of the person sitting next to me

Kar: That sure is a reason lmao

Iv: ur being real sus

momo: I was really surprised when they announced they were doing a sequel for RomiJuli, but I totally get what they’re saying about having mixed feelings of both anticipation and anxiety, and to be honest I’m really looking at it with that much excitement too

momo: I can’t stop thinking about what the sequel to my favorite play ever is gonna be like, like I think I’d literally die of shock if they change my oshi’s role

Iv: i ain’t reading all that, happy for u tho, or sorry that happened

momo: Also since I got to see what goes on behind the scenes at the workshop, actually coming to the theater now makes it seem even brighter when it’s got all performance stuff up and running

momo: I can like actually sense just how many people are working behind the scenes and now I’m already filled with a lot of feelings before the show’s even started, I wonder if my heart is gonna m

Kar: momo’s been stabilized

shiki: I’m guessing it just started? Have fun!

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Towa: Phew…

Towa: (I feel a little calmer.)

Audience Member A: It’s almost time for the show to start, but it still hasn’t started yet?

Audience Member B: It feels like they must be rushing to get ready. I wonder if something happened.

Towa: (Huh, trouble? I wonder if everything’s okay??)

Audience Member A: That reminds me of the time when Autumn Troupe was rushing to get ready in time so Summer Troupe gave a super long pre-show introduction to stall for time.

Audience Member B: Oh yeah, I watched the stream of that performance!

Audience Member A: I wonder if they’re all working super hard behind the scenes right now.

Audience Member B: I’m wishing them the best of luck.

Towa: (Good luck to all of Spring Troupe and the staff members too…!)

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

*Door slams open*

Sakuya: Sorry for making you wait! We’re here!

Izumi: Thank goodness! Welcome home!

Yuki: You’re late!

Azami: You’re late.

Itaru: There’s the third strike…

Azami: Just hurry up and sit down so I can do your makeup.

Tsumugi: I’m glad you made it just in the nick of time.

Itaru: No, this time it was really thanks to everyone else’s help. This never would’ve happened without them…

Izumi: But you still made it, right?

Itaru: True. But I’ve still got that high I got from meeting an overseas fan running through me.

Itaru: I feel like we could still set out on a journey across the world. Now all I’ve gotta do is just not worry and put that energy into Spring Troupe’s performance.

Izumi: I can’t wait.

Itaru: Ah, well, don’t expect too much from me, I’ve still got jet lag and fatigue nerfing my stamina. I’m relying on you guys for support.

Tsuzuru: But there wasn’t even that much of a time difference?

Citron: It is better than him trying to hide it and then freezing up on stage, at least~!

Masumi: I feel like something like that happened during our debut performance.

Itaru: Perhaps.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Manager: The show will be beginning shortly!

Itaru: Okay, okay.

Chikage: We managed to make it just in time.

Tsuzuru: Yet another time we were all rushing to be ready.

Sakuya: I feel like we’re all back on this stage with new feelings after we all took on different challenges in preparation for the new Fleur Award.

Sakuya: The first time I stood on stage was one of them, but I’m sure there will be a lot more “firsts” in the future.

Sakuya: I can remember the feelings from back then over and over again. The trembling courage to dive into a new world--.

Sakuya: Let’s always take on our “firsts” with positivity and all have fun together as Spring Troupe!

Citron: Yes!

Tsuzuru: Let’s do it.

Chikage: Right.

Itaru: I’m ready whenever you are.

Masumi: Let’s go, Romeo.

Sakuya: Yeah! Onwards, to our journey!

[ ⇠ Previous Part ] • [ Next Part ⇢ ]

[kaepop-trash]

OH MY GOD I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN JOHNNY COMES BACK FROM HIS TRIP AND DID Y/N CALL JAEHYUN BACK THE NEXT DAY????? YOUR STORIES KEEP ME ALIVE SRSLY

The Cost of Hindsight

The drabble before this answered your other question. I hope you like this, I would love to know what you think! Honestly, I think my rigour as a writer comes back in such full force when you guys just talk to me, I think it makes me feel like I am actually writing for someone and not just sending these out into space. So thanks for the awesome compliment you put in there too!

Feedback is always appreciated!

_

Summary: (Y/N) surprises Johnny at the airport, Mark senses something between them. Later, Johnny reminisces on the past, making a surprising confession. (I re-wrote this 8 times and it still ended up sounding like a tv guide synopsis for a cable episode)

Warnings: Smut, Riding, dirty talking, humiliation kink, hair pulling (Johnny has a thing for hair in this one).

WC: 3.8k

Mini Masterlist

(Y/N) had been waiting with Mark for Johnny to arrive for upwards of two hours by now. His flight was delayed, causing the wait to be turned out to be longer than expected. With nothing else to do, the two most unlikely companions turned to small talk.

Mark talked about his job, how he was on the fence about investing in Jaemin’s company, and about his desire to get a pet dog. They were so deep in conversation that she didn’t notice how fast time had passed. Only when Mark’s phone rang did it occur that Johnny had probably landed.

“He just picked up his bags. On his way.” Mark spoke as he put his phone back in his pocket.

It was at that moment when (Y/N) started feeling a hint of nerves. 

When Mark asked her to come along to pick Johnny up, she thought it could be a cute surprise. Now she wondered if she had maybe overstepped, walking into a situation she wasn’t invited to. Johnny had asked Mark to come pick him up, not her.

She didn’t even get the time to linger on the thought, much less rationalise it. Mark raised his arm, waving at the entrance.

She turned, lifting herself on her toes to search for him in the crowd, then immediately deciding to cower. Would he really find it weird, or would it just be a fun surprise like Mark had told her? She pushed her thoughts aside when she finally spotted him.

Johnny spotted Mark first, his lost eyes crinkling into a smile as he pulled his hand out of his jacket to wave. When Mark’s gaze moved over his own shoulder, Johnny’s followed. He did a double take, squinting like he was making sure he was seeing correctly.

When he was certain, his first response was surprise. A disgruntled person knocked into Johnny’s knees with a trolley. She winced the same time Johnny jumped.

That must have hurt. 

He mumbled a quick apology despite being the innocent victim in the exchange, turning to look at her again and once again squinting like he still wasn't sure. Then he smiled in a way that radiated from the distance, through the large crowd and considerable distance that stood between them. It made her forget everything in that moment.

There were, seemingly, two distinct sides of Johnny that she'd witnessed. Like a switch that could be flipped when the occasion calls for it. 

He could go from being a fun, teasing friend of almost juvenile proportions, to the most indecent yet attentive lover. 

Johnny was the kind of man who put his hand behind her head when she reached for things in cupboards before joking about how clumsy she could be. Yet he was also the one shoving her against the first wall he could find when the switch flipped.

They were easy to tell apart as well, so different were these two sides. Somehow both him and not, the same Johnny who had the most gentle disposition was also the one who had the most debaucherous words and a deliciously rough touch. They were opposing sides that somehow only made sense with him. She was equally fascinated by both. 

What baffled her was that it was hard to tell when he chose to flip the switch. And it made it hard to figure out when she was meant to be a friend to him and when something else.

There were moments when Johnny would do the most endearing thing while he was being a friend. Like when he breaks off a piece of anything new he’s eating and hands it over without her asking, the time he tried to make fluffy pancakes for breakfast and overheated his stand mixer. Or all the times he quietly paid for her half of dinner when her budget was tight at the end of a month. Such moments would be so dear that she'd want nothing more than to kiss him then and there, especially because he seemingly did it without a thought. But it was difficult to tell if that crossed one of the many steep boundaries they regularly traversed.

It was easier around people. Outside the confines of their private spaces, amongst others, they maintained their dynamic easily. As Johnny always reiterated, they were friends first. Good friends who didn't need to try too hard at all to act like it.

But when alone, (Y/N) found herself looking for a sign from him before she could shift into the other side of their relationship. The one where she could tilt over and kiss him because Johnny remembered to stock her favourite cookies before she came over for the weekend.

But there were some confusing moments when this shift sometimes happened in a crowd. Those were the moments that edged on madness. Where the two distinct sides of their friendship melted into one brief look, so ready to risk being discovered just for reassurance. To remind themselves of their little secret, confirm its existence. Like on the night Irene and Taeil announced their engadement, or the time Johnny was a little too drunk and Hyuk’s simple question about where he learned to cook turned into a long ode to (Y/N)’s patience and perserverence.

It was also exactly how she felt right now.

The moment their eyes met across the airport exit, the world around them disappeared. The loud chaos of the terminal dissolved away and what mattered was the look in his eyes, the curve of his lips. 

He was happy to see her, beaming while his gaze remained unwavering on her face. As he walked closer, she could see the colours shift in his gaze. Something softer blurred the edges of his gaze and she could tell what he was trying to say. 

He missed her. 

She hoped that her eyes told him the same. But she doubted one look could ever word the intensity of her sentiment. She wasn’t sure if words could either. Her chest seemingly tugged, urging to drift towards him. Perhaps no words, look or gesture she had the capacity for could ever express how Johnny made her feel. 

Or the way she felt about him.

“Hi.” He came and stood in front of her, lips pursed like he was failing to hide his grin, “What a pleasant surprise.”

“I couldn’t wait to see you.” The words slipped out, forgetting the place, the circumstances, and the company. She bit down on her bottom lip. Johnny’s cheeks turned a dark red, biting the corner of his mouth.

“I’m still here.” Mark laughed awkwardly.

The words reminded her of where they were. She had made a mistake, confusing the two sides. 

“You didn’t tell me you were bringing (Y/N).” Johnny turned away, looking unfazed. She wished she was as good as him at this.

“Yeah, I thought it would be a nice surprise.” Mark looked between them, eyes full of contemplation.

“It is.” Johnny smiled, walking up to give Mark a hug. “Thanks for bringing my car. I’ll drop you home.” He patted his back, “Both of you.” He turned back to her, both of them laughing awkwardly. Sometimes Johnny slipped too, forgetting the two sides.

Those were perhaps the moments when she lost her mind the most.

_

She squeezed her arms tighter around Johnny’s neck, breath shallow.

"How does it feel?" Johnny questioned, tone patronising. He reached up, pushing the hair back that was sticking to her face, gripping down at the hair at the base of her neck.

“Do you like controlling the pace?” He cooed at her, tone mocking.

Her lips parted, only a gasp leaving them when he bucked his hips up to meet her halfway. An attempt to make her words harder to conjure.

"Hmm?" He questioned, pulling her head back with his secure hold. "Do you like it?" He hummed with a softer tone, opening his palm for her to nuzzle into. “You were riding your pillow so well just yesterday, what happened? Can you only be a slut on camera?” He cooed.

She squeezed her eyes, the words making a wash of humiliation trickle down till it settled between her legs.

“You were supposed to get it for me weren’t you? The pillow? What happened?” He asked, patting her cheek to get her attention. “Did you keep the cover for me like I asked?”

She whined, cheeks flushing at his filthy words. Her hand left his neck to push him, silently begging him to stop. 

Johnny laughed, “You were being so bold on our call? What happened? Why are you suddenly pretending like you weren't the one begging to hear these words last night?” 

Her hips moved faster, spurred on by his taunts.

“Will you do it for me again? Ride your pillow in front of me this time?” He asked. She shook her head vehemently, forehead knitting in distress. “Why not?” He laughed, dragging his nails through her scalp before fixing his hands on her waist, assisting her glide.

“It’s embarrassing.” She managed to get the words out with a struggle. The next moment she bit down on her bottom lip, Johnny’s arms finally making her move in the right way. “Why do you enjoy embarrassing me?” She whined again.

“Considering the way you’ve been clenching around me, Peanut. I should ask you why you enjoy being embarrassed.” She hid her head in his neck, Johnny chuckling at the act.

“I do not.” She huffed.

“Do too.” He responded, thrusting his pelvis up to meet her halfway.

“Shit, I’m going to come.” She clawed at his back, “Johnny.” She urged, digging her face deeper into his neck.

He shushed her, “I’ve got you.” His reassuring voice matched his rhythm, fingers tightening on her waist.

"I know." She panted, her insides clenching down tight. Johnny groaned, moving his hips up in search of his own high.

Johnny came first, his grip on her waist tightening as he rammed into her as hard as he could from below. The erratic thrusts send her off too, biting down on his shoulder as she came crashing down.

They sat there in silence, pants turned to shallow breaths. "Did you miss me?" Johnny asked, hands sliding up her back.

"Uh huh," She nodded, too exhausted to speak coherently.

"I didn't think you would." There was an edge in his voice that made her stir. She sat back, looking him in the eyes.

"Why wouldn't I?" She asked, brows furrowing. He looked her face over, smiling and giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"This was a boring trip." He said instead of answering her, "You should have come." 

"Probably because the weather forced you to stay in the hotel most of the days." She scoffed, Johnny didn't respond.

They got ready for bed in relative silence, fixing the crumpled sheets and putting on the first thing they could find.

“How was your day?” Johnny asked once they were under the covers, so tired that the question occurred to him much later.

“Same old.” (Y/N) sighed, “Don’t ask about work.” She groaned, hating the topic.

“Have you decided if you’re ready to look for a new job?” He asked, making her look away from his concerned gaze to the ceiling.

“How will it matter? I’ll hate that too probably, at least at this one I know what I’m dealing with.”

“You just need to find something you like.” Johnny encouraged, nudging her with a gentle shove.

“It’s not that simple. Some of us aren’t gifted with passion. I wasn’t born with a single defining talent like you or Jaemin. Neither was I born with Jaehyun and Mark’s insatiable drive.” She groaned, feeling her eyes well a little at the corners. 

“I’m just me.” She sighed. “Unremarkable.”

“No one is unremarkable. Least of all you.” Johnny chastised her. “One of these days, you will find something you actually like. Dare I say, something you love. Even if you don’t, even if it’s a dumb office job you do to pay the bills, your life has more value than a stupid job, (Y/N).” His fingers closed around the edge of the tshirt she was wearing. “You’re gifted with so many other things.”

She didn’t say anything, not wanting to sound like she was complaining but not believing him either. Johnny sighed, sensing it. To her relief, he didn’t say anything, probably sensing her mood as well. She didn’t want to talk about this now.

In the silence that followed, her eyes got heavier and sleep began to fill the distressed crevices of her mind with a promise of temporary relief.

Just before her eyes could close, she heard Johnny's clumsy shifting. An arm closed around her, dragging her close enough for him to dig his nose into her cheek.

So close, she could hear the small sigh that came from somewhere deep in his throat.

"I think I almost missed you." He mumbled, words muffled from being half asleep. His words, as usual, were carefully formed to not sound instigating— a joke as he called it. The tip of his nose traced a dizzying journey all over her neck. Johnny grunted from approval when she lifted her head to accommodate him, squeezing her firmly.

His journey stopped in her hair, where he buried his nose and took a large inhale. They stayed like that for a long time, till the otherwise cold night became balmy under the blanket.

“I’m hot.” Her voice was muffled in his shoulder, a silent request for him to move.

“Yeah you are.” He chuckled, patting her ass.

He pulled back, laughing louder when his words made her huff. Then there was another bout of silence as Johnny stared at the ceiling. She could tell that he had something on his mind. She fell into deep contemplation herself, wondering whether she should ask what was bothering him.

He sighed, taking in another deep breath that made his chest visibly deflate.

"You know," Johnny spoke to the ceiling, her heavy eyes fluttering open at the words. "I've been thinking about our university days a lot recently." He looped his finger into the chain he wore around his neck a few times. Fidgeting, she realised.

(Y/N) propped her head on her arm, turning on her side to face him.

"Yeah? Like what?" She asked, smiling at the thought.

"Well, a lot of things I suppose. I was just reminiscing. I can't believe it's been so long."

She hissed at the mention and Johnny smiled, eyes fixed above like he was picturing the past.

"But there's this one thing I keep coming back to." He said after a pause, unfurling the chain from his finger before wrapping it again.

"What is it?" She asked after he didn't speak for another pause.

Johnny turned, eyes dancing over her entire face. "Do you remember the first time we met?" He looked hopeful.

"At that house party?" She questioned, her memory fuzzy.

"No," Johnny turned back to the ceiling with a sigh, a fraction of the light disappearing from his eyes. "In that political philosophy class."

"Oh that's right. You came and sat beside me. You were in that red hoodie." She tried to recall, raising a brow when he scoffed.

"Yeah." His lips lifting before a brief laugh filled the room, "I can't believe you remember that."

"I remember thinking 'man that guy looks nice in red'." She teased, hoping he wouldn't realise it was the truth.

His face seemed to fall at the words, smile no longer reaching his eyes. She couldn’t understand what she said wrong.

"You had more to say than the professor." Johnny recalled, turning to look at her again. "I'm pretty sure you would have taught the class better too."

"I'm pretty sure a vacuum cleaner could teach that class better than him." She frowned, remembering the way the man wasted the syllabus.

Johnny laughed again, turning over on his side, "You said something similar that day too." His forehead gathered as he tried to remember what it exactly was, giving up after a moment. "You corrected him each time under your breath." Johnny grinned.

“I had never seen a single person have such strikingly wrong opinions.” She huffed, the memory still frustrated her.

“You wrote down everything he mentioned and when I asked you why, you said it was so you could verify it yourself later. It was the first week of university and I could not believe that someone could care that much about an extra credit/” Johnny laughed under his breath again. "All I wanted to do was ask for your number."

Her heart stopped, the words said so casually that for a moment she wasn't sure she heard him right.

"But then I thought that could be weird. What if I put you in a weird position?" He clicked his tongue, eyes lost in his memories again. "So I decided to write my number down on a piece of paper. This small chit I tore from the back of that political philosophy book because it was the first week and I didn't carry a notebook."

His eyes came back into focus, turning to look at her and giving a sad smile. Her heart picked up at the look, an unknown dread seeping into her.

"I was ready to give it to you right after class. I thought of something smooth to say to seal the deal too." He licked his lips, looking nervous for some unfathomable reason.

She wanted to ask why he didn't, realising once the thought formed in her mind that her inner voice was too ardent, filled with palpable regret.

"But then I asked you your major and you asked me the same." His voice faded.

This time she knew what he meant, remembering the words she said to him. The moment he told her, she responded with a single statement. It wasn't supposed to mean anything, but in hindsight the weight of the words pressed against her chest like sleep paralysis.

"Oh, you're in Jaehyun's class."

She bit down on her lip, like she was trying to reel in those words from the past. Her words must have had the spark of hope she had back then, having only just met Jaehyun a day before the time they were recalling. Still, she wondered why it would stop Johnny.

"I keep thinking about that." He confessed, giving her a look laced with regret. "How I should have given you that piece of paper anyway. The one I never forgot to throw out of that ratty pencil case I had. "I keep asking myself if all of this would have been different if I had. What would be different and what not." He continued, the jingle of the chain around his neck returning as he fidgeted. "Maybe I'm getting it all wrong and it would be a disaster. Would we be like we are now? Or would it be like the relationship I did have in university? All I know is that I should have given you that piece of paper."

She watched him in silence, sorrow seeping into her heart at those words. It left her with a gaping hole in her chest— the size of possibilities. Like most of her existence, this also became a what if that crippled her with its unrealised prospects; rendering her incapable of words.

"It doesn't matter now." She conjured words she didn't herself believe, "What good will thinking of these things do?"

Johnny's lips twitched like he didn't believe her. "That's funny coming from you." Both of them snorted. "I guess you're right. It was just a thought I couldn't shake, I was hoping that letting it out would make it quieter."

She shifted closer to him, "I think," Hesitating, she brushed her knuckled on his cheek. "I think that we wouldn't be who we are without the things we've seen, what we’ve lived. Who we are now matters more than who we could have been, no? Maybe we wouldn't be who we are to each other without everything that came in between."

Johnny looked her over slowly, like he was studying one of his photographs. "About that, you're right." He reached out to comb his fingers through her hair, sighing when she dissolved into his touch.

He took in a breath like he was going to say something. Her eyes became so heavy with sleep in his touch that she didn't notice time passed, opening her eyes to see if he would say what was on his mind.

“There’s the other thing too.” He said softly, his eyes glittering from the distant lights out his large windows. This time, she knew exactly what he meant.

“The kiss.” She sighed. He nodded, the weight of the words making him sink further into the mattress, his weight taking her along.

Johnny turned to her, his eyes deeply thoughtful. “That is the one I should regret. But in all these years–” His voice trailed off.  

She wanted nothing more than to reach out to him at that moment. Yet, for some reason, Johnny never felt more distant than he did now. The same weight between them rendered her immobile.

She yearned for him then, something she realised she had never done before. Johnny was the one who always showed up, the one always by her side. She had needed his presence and she had craved his touch. But this was new and it weighed down heavier than everything that came before.

He turned to face her and she wondered if he could sense it. If the strings in her hurt tugged so hard because they were pulling him to her. He shifted closer, his nose brushing against hers.

She pressed her lips against his and Johnny’s breath caught in his throat. His hand came to her back, not moving her closer but just keeping her in place. Like he should have done all those years ago. When she pushed him away, realising her mistake.

But there was no pushing away tonight. Instead, she pressed closer to his chest, taking a shallow breath to keep kissing him without stopping. Johnny wanted to freeze this moment forever, to remember every little gasp and every twitch of his fingers.

When they finally pulled away, she put her forehead against his cheek.

 “I’m so glad I walked up to you at the grocery store that day.” Johnny sighed, his entire chest twisting and caving as the burden of those words seemed to reveal itself only once he said it out loud.

She smiled, seemingly unaware of the true weight behind the confession.

“At least you gave me your number that time.” Her words made him chuckle.

[dibidibifiction]

Reasons to Live

Pairing: Kim Jonghyun x Reader

Category: romance

TRIGGER WARNING: depression, self-harm, death, foul language

Word count: 3.5k+

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction made for personal entertainment of readers. The writer does not ever intend to offend her readers nor does she aim to spread false information about anyone as to pay any disrespect to the real-life persons whom the characters are based on. She also does not claim ownership to any of the images that are being used.  

masterlist

...

TWO YEARS EARLIER

JONGHYUN

I hear the curtain metal rings slide harshly two opposite ways, shocking me awake. 

“Oh, good. You were sleeping with your mouth open.”

“Great. Thanks, Mom,” I say sarcastically, rubbing my eyes.

“It’s already ten past five. I’m going home. Are you going to be okay?” my mom asks. She has taken care of me since day one I’ve been in this hospital. But now, since I’ve improved a lot, I insisted that she doesn’t have to visit every day. 

“Yes, ma’am,” I roll my eyes jokingly.

“Aww, Jonghyun, you should find a woman who will take care of you from now on instead of bothering me,” she joins my kidding around.

After she pinches my cheeks and kisses me, she heads out the door. I sit up to reach for my phone on the side table. I got messages from the boys on our group chat.

14:36

Kim Kibum: Hey, Kim Jonghyun! When are you getting discharged? You’re delaying our project. Get your shit together, yeah? Love you

15:18

Jinki: They ran some tests on you a few days ago, right? How did they go?

15:24

Minho: Hope everything’s okay, Hyung. We’re just here waiting for you~

16:20

Taemin: Hyung, did you receive my fruit basket? Hope you like it.

Reading their messages instantly puts a smile on my face. I start typing to reply that everything’s good and that I’m getting out of here soon. Maybe next week at the very least. 

I’ve been in this hospital for almost a month because of the car accident on my drive to my parents’ house after work. It was already dark and I was on the expressway when it started to rain so heavily that visibility was close to zero. Unexpectedly, a huge truck was running too fast in my direction. I managed to avoid it but then made me hit an electric post. Even though I was in a coma for three days, still, lucky for me, I had very little damage compared to others who have gotten into accidents like this.

I’ve never felt more alive. It may be hard to believe or even admit, but it might be a miracle, what happened to me. I was in such unbearable pain that I could already imagine my loved ones crying at my funeral.

I grab my little notebook and head up to the rooftop. I sit in my usual spot, which is at the very corner of the floor, overlooking the city. The city lights are like stars, the cars like elves, and the people like ants. It’s like a whole new weird world. I pull up my pen inserted at the last page I wrote on. Every time I have an idea for a song or a poem, I always write it here. 

As I’m turning the pages to look back on what I’ve written, I catch a glimpse of someone’s legs way across this wide rooftop. It looks like a person lying on the floor. 

“Hello?��� I call out. 

No response. 

“Excuse me, are you okay?” My voice is a little louder, hoping to be heard.

Still nothing. Not even a subtle movement.

I drop everything and walk briskly over to check on them. 

I gasp at a young girl in a hospital gown like mine, which means she must be a patient too. I draw closer to see that she’s unconscious. And pale.

My heart twists, I hurriedly kneel down to her side and lightly put my head on her chest to check her heartbeat. 

Shit, I hear nothing. A quick shiver sends through me. 

Her pulse. I quickly grab her hand to feel her wrist and hope to feel something. 

Thank God. I exhale after what feels like twenty minutes. “Stay here. I’ll go get help.” 

I run down four flights of stairs and realize how ridiculous that sounded since she couldn’t even hear me. I finally reach the nearest nurse’s station, catching my breath in order to get words out. 

“Excuse me! There’s a girl up on the roof. She’s unconscious. Please help!” 

A nurse nods once and quickly picks up the telephone. She recites something I didn’t quite understand. Two guys with a stretcher appear immediately and ask me to let lead the way.

. . .

It’s now hours later and I can’t stop thinking about her. My last sight of her keeps flashing before my eyes. She was pale and almost lifeless. She looks pretty with her dark neck-length hair, her thin bangs fly off her forehead because of the wind. I wonder what’s wrong with her. I hope she’s okay now. Turns out she is the one who stays in the room next to mine.

My door slowly opens for a nurse to take the tray of my already finished dinner. “Hey, um, do you know what happened to the girl next door?”

“Do you know her?” he asks me right back, his eyes dead.

“Actually, yeah, I went to college with her.” I lie.

“Oh, okay, then,” he sighs. “Well, she attempted to kill herself again.”

My jaws drop in shock. “What?” I stutter. My heart sinks even more at the word ‘again.’

“It’s the third time she’s done that during her stay here. I really hope she'll stop. I’m worried about her. She doesn’t even have a family for us to call for a situation like this. There’s only this one guy that comes over every now and then.” His eyes suddenly change and fill up with pity when he walks out the door.

---

PRESENT DAY

Y/N

I run to the bus stop to see Jonghyun already waiting for me by his car in hazard mode at the side of the road. Two weeks passed and this is the most I’ve seen him since he’s been busy with his comeback. 

He spots me, then waves so happily that he’s almost jumping.

I land in his arms. “Jonghyun, I missed you,” I weep on his chest. 

He pulls away to look at my face, cupping my cheeks. “How’s my girl?” his eyes twinkle. He lovingly leans in for a five-second kiss.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting,” I pout.

“No, I just got here,” he smiles. “Shall we?”

We both hop in his car and drive to Taemin’s house to have dinner with the boys. It was supposed to be a celebration for their comeback promotion weeks ago but it always fell through. Now that their promotion ended, they decided to have the gathering tonight. It was Minho and Kibum’s idea. Taemin offered his place to hold it. 

They love a good party. Kibum wanted to invite as many people as they could but Minho wanted an intimate gathering with just close friends. The decision was made democratically but it was tied up. So all that long heated, turbulent discussion led us to the lowkey one with just close friends.

Jonghyun and I arrive with three handsome boys already in sight. Minho greets me with a warm hug and then leads me toward the kitchen where Jinki and Kibum are preparing food.

“Mmm, smells good over here. Where’s Taemin?” I ask no one in particular while I make my way to sit on a spinning stool by the island.

“He’s not here yet,” Kibum answers me while he holds a wooden spoon in front of me to let me taste his soondubu stew. 

“What? He’s late even at his own party being held at his house. Great.” I say as I nod approvingly to Kibum, telling him that it’s delicious.

Jinki giggles. “That’s our youngest.”

I laugh, wiping off droplets of soup on my chin.

“Speak of the devil,” Kibum mutters as soon as I hear the front door beep. 

I welcome Taemin with a giggle and my arms open for a hug. “Hey, what are you doing late at your own party?” I say, pulling away from his one-hand embrace.

“I came as fast as I could. You’re at my house. Stop complaining!” he laughs too.

. . .

It is now four hours later. Jonghyun and I are back in his car on our way to his apartment. I insisted he takes me home but he insisted harder for me to stay at his place since it’s closer.

“Plus, I missed you and I want to be with you a little longer,” he says, kissing my hand while his eyes are on the road. 

“Really? Well...” I say, having something in mind. I start drawing closer to him and slide my palm on his lap up to his crotch. I lean in closer, humming into his ear.

He swallows. “Hey, I’m driving.”

I laugh at him. “Fine, I’ll wait until we get home.”

“Home?” He looks at me for a second, smiling. Then back on the road.

I pause, thinking of what I said. “What?” 

“Did you just propose for us to live together?”

“Where’d that come from? You’re making stuff up again.” I playfully punch his arm.

He laughs out loud. It is so beautiful that it is the most musical sound I’ve ever heard.

After a few seconds of silence, he grabs my hand. I turn to him, waiting for him to say something. “So, do you want to move in?”

My mouth opens in quite a confusion but immediately curves into a huge smile. “Yeah, of course! I’d love that,” I screech. I lean into him for a kiss on his cheek, then rest my head on his shoulder while he pulls over into parking.

He turns to me, cupping my cheek. “I love you so much, Y/n.” 

It makes me melt every time he says those words to me. My eyes fill in with tears. “I love you, too.”

---

TWO YEARS EARLIER

An overflowing burning sensation boils in my stomach, making me abruptly sit up and throw up on myself. I feel like my internal organs are about to come out of my mouth. I feel so heavy that I can't open my eyes. When I do, it’s brief and cloudy.

I suddenly hear the door open. Somebody walks into my room. A nurse perhaps. After I feel them carefully laid me back down, I catch a blurry figure of a man standing in my direction by the door outside my room. Before I can control my own consciousness, everything goes black again.

. . .

I slowly open my eyes with the sun blaring at me. It irritates the shit out of me. I get out of bed in an attempt to close my blinds but somebody stops me.

“Whoa, wait, be careful.” A guy in a hospital gown like mine suddenly appears before me. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I glare at him.

He looks startled by my sudden rage. Despite this, he adjusts the wire connecting the needle inserted in my arm and the IV that’s hung next to my bed before I could mess it up. 

“Let me get that for you,” he mutters before closing the blinds for me, leaving a bit of sunlight.

My face relaxes from frowning as I watch him walk back toward me. He sits on the chair next to my bed. I notice his attractive appearance. Dark hair that covers his entire forehead, a cute smile and a muscular body. I somehow get lost in his stare with those innocent and sparkly eyes, making the anger inside me fade. I feel some kind of warm relief. 

“Uh, I’m Jonghyun. Sorry to disturb you. I just wanted to see how you’re doing. I have not heard about you since I found you on the roof a few days ago.”

I snap out, bringing back my scowl. “Why?”

He stutters. “Well-”

“We don’t even know each other.”

“No, but-”

“Do you like me? Is that why you saved me?” I’m getting more pissed with this stranger in my room. “Or are you just trying to be some kind of a hero that saves my life, then our story would turn into a cheesy romantic cliché?

Silence. He just stares at me. Probably awkward and shocked.

“Get out of here before I call security.”

Without saying anything else, he gets up from his seat and walks to the door. Looking flustered, he glances back at me before sliding it close behind him. 

. . .

The moon has come out. It’s the only time of day that I appreciate the outside. I stand before the window, looking out, watching the cars and cabs go about down there. Thinking that there are millions of people existing, I question why the fuck I’m alone. 

Literally. 

Emotionally. 

I fall on my butt, and for the first time in almost a year, I cry out loud. Extremely loud. Numbingly loud. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I pull my hair out, punch my head, slap my own face. Dig my nails into my neck, scratch down to my chest, and then my arms. I kick my legs hysterically. Repeatedly.

I hate being alive. 

Eventually, my hearing went faint, abandoning its purpose. I feel someone grab me from behind, restraining me tightly. 

“Let me go! Just please let me go. Please! I don’t want to be alive anymore.” I continue to scream furiously, trying to escape everything that tries to come at me.

But then, I see that it’s Minho who’s hugging me. I crash into his arms, shut the fuck up, and cry silently. 

“Y/n, I’m here. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I’m here for you. Please, stop now,” he hushes me. I can finally hear his voice. He's the only one I can trust. His embrace is the only comforting thing to me.

I’m breathing heavily, trying to calm down. I watch a nurse approach with a syringe but Minho immediately shoves it away. 

We just stayed like this. I have not idea how long but I don’t want it to end.

After some time, the noises in my head settle down. I can see clearly again. 

---

PRESENT DAY

JONGHYUN

After my radio show, I come home to a beautiful lady waiting for me on the couch in the dressing gown I got her for Christmas last year, and a pair of thick-framed reading glasses with a book in hand. 

I join her, laying my head between her breasts. “Hi, roomie.” I look up at her, then give her a wink. We talked about moving in together weeks ago and the day I’d been waiting for has finally come. She’s finally settled in with me. There couldn’t be any other day happier than this.

She hisses. “Shut up,” then goes back to reading her book, blocking my view of her pretty little face. 

I hiss back. I then crawl out off the couch to pick her up bridal style, spinning her around.

Y/n shrieks, laughing. “Jonghyun, stop!” 

So I do. “Oh, hey, we haven’t done that thing couples do once they move in.”

“I thought you were going to be too tired from work,” she says, her arms around my neck.

Her thinking about sex is heaven to me! But that’s not what I’m talking about. “No, stupid,” I chuckle at her while I put her down on her feet. “Come here.” I grab her hand for her to follow me out the front door. 

“Wait, what? Where are we going? I’m not dressed,” she complains.

I close the door once we get out. Y/n is still confused about what we’re doing. I pick her up again, bridal style. “Now, enter the code.”

She doesn’t say anything else and does as I say.

Once she opens the door, “Welcome home!” I cheer.

She laughs out loud. “Oh, so now we’re officially living together. Amazing!” she says playfully.

But I don’t put her down just yet and head to the bedroom.

“What are you doing?”

“We’re doing that other thing that couples do when they move in together.” 

“Yay!” she cheers, then kisses me deeply on the spot as I bring the action to our bedroom. 

---

TWO YEARS EARLIER

There’s a knock on the door while I watch a movie on the flatscreen. I hit pause on the remote control.

“Hyung!” Minho calls out enthusiastically as he enters my room with bags of food in his hand.

“Hey! What are you doing here?”

“What? Can’t a guy visit his guy friend who is unlucky enough to get into an accident?” he jokes around, handing me my lunch.

“Thank you very much,” I bow to him. 

Minho and I do some catching up, talking about his new drama series, and some other work stuff until our conversation finds itself about the girl staying next door.

“Then she just kicked me out of her room and threatened to call security on me. This is what she did to a person who saved her life?” I pout.

“Oh, my God. You’re the stalker she’s been talking about?”

“Stalker? Woah, that woman. After what I did for her?” My blood is boiling with intense irritation. But it subsides quickly once I realize something. “Wait, you know her?”

“Yeah, I actually spent the night in her room.”

I pause, staring at Minho in confusion. “You’re not… Nothing’s going on with you two, is there?

“Oh, no. Nothing like that. I’ve known her since childhood. Our parents used to be close. That was when her mother was still alive and her dad hadn’t moved to Japan.”

“Wow, she has it tough, huh?” Just like that, irritation turns compassion. 

“Yeah, but there’s more to that. Something that no one can explain, not even her herself.”

She’s been suicidal. Her depression has taken a lot from her. Hearing this makes me want to look after her more.

---

PRESENT DAY

Y/N

Since then, Jonghyun had been visiting me every evening to have dinner together even when I kept pushing him away, asking him to stop trying to save me.

Days after he got discharged, he came back, but I wasn’t in my room anymore. When he found out that I was transferred to the psychiatric ward, he came running to my door.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were being transferred?”

“Why would I?” I frowned.

“Right,” he laughed awkwardly. 

His phone vibrated in his pocket. 

“Hey, what are you-” 

He trailed off, his face turning red as he listened. It’s definitely Minho.

I suddenly snatched the phone from Jonghyun’s hand and walk near the door out of earshot. “Hey, where the hell are you?” I scolded Minho in a whisper. “You are not letting him-”

“It’s okay, Y/n. He means well. Maybe it’s time for you to let somebody else in for a change,” he laughed statically. “Love you.” 

I sighed in irritation as I heard the dial tone. “Here.” I hand Jonghyun’s phone back to him while he just smiled at me goofily.

If it wasn’t for Minho, I never would’ve trusted anyone again. And because of Jonghyun, trusting and loving again was worth it. 

By the time I got discharged from the ward, Jonghyun and I eventually started dating officially. He was always there for me. Offered to come with me to my therapist twice a week but I insisted that I could go by myself. I would meet the rest of the boys not long after we got together. Since then, I’ve got the best friends ever.

Sooner or later, I would get back to work in teaching kindergarten. I can’t imagine my career going any other way. I thank myself for being alive today. Some days, I’d join Jonghyun and the boys in organizing a charity mission. I’d teach kids in far provinces. I forgot how fulfilling working with children was when I was too busy being miserable.

I’ve never felt so alive. Not to mention grateful. 

“I’m so proud of you, honey,” my dad tells me with a big smile on his face.

“Thanks, Dad,” I smile back at my computer screen. “By the way, when are you coming? You should tell me ahead of time so I can prepare you something.”

Before I can hear his response, the front door of my apartment beeped. “Oh, I have to go. Jonghyun’s here.”

“I should really meet this Jonghyun. You’re talking about him a lot,” he says.

I shake my head and laugh at him before hanging up.

“Was that your dad?” Jonghyun asks as soon as he approaches and kisses me on the lips.

“Yeah.”

“Is he coming to visit?”

“He didn’t say,” I tell him, shutting down my laptop.

I stare at Jonghyun while he removes his shoes and walks towards me.

“What?” he asks, then kisses me on the forehead.

Trying not to tear up, I just shake my head and giggle at him. If it wasn’t for Jonghyun, my life would be so much different right now. Hell, I’d be dead. Because of him, I regained my bond with my dad. 

Months ago, they had to go to Japan for work and he made me come with them so my father and I could finally talk. We had never seen eye to eye ever since Mom died. We had drifted apart. Now, we are closer than ever.

I’m not saying my depression is gone and my attacks are non-existent anymore. They still come every now and then, although not as bad as before. Jonghyun has always been so caring and understanding. I could cry just thinking about it. I got to be with the best person and have the best friends in the world. 

[namuneulbo]

week one hundred and thirteen

okay, trying a new format which will be proper grammar but all lowercase. i'll see how it goes and how i'll like it.

this week's been A LOT. yet very exciting. i moved to stockholm on thursday. had to wake up at 3 am but surprisingly ended up falling asleep quite late. the flights were not great, i felt quite anxious on both of them but i took melatonin for both and ended up sleeping for most of them.

i've of course also been listening to lots of kent. i feel like such a poser walking around town with kent in my ears even if no one can hear and no one would care.

one thing about stockholm is that it's very humbling walking around town because literally everyone's hot. it's insane. like, people are so fashionable and fancy and conventionally attractive while i feel like i barely match their level in a full face and my best outfit on a good hair day. truly so humbling.

on friday i met up with m for food and drinks. we struggled finding each other first because of the friday after work rush hour but once we got to the restaurant/pub thingy, it was very empty although it filled up over the time we were there. it was a burger place and it was really good although i got one of those humiliating cough fits at one point and never truly relaxed afterwards.

afterwards we went to an irish pub and, oh my god, it was so epic! i'm so happy to have someone to go to irish pubs with. i love drinking guinness and listening to celtic music. it was also nice because once we got there we really started becoming more natural with our conversation. i did feel quite sick on my way home though which was not the greatest because the bus home was delayed quite a bit so i just ended up walking home and lowkey died.

anyways, on tuesday, earlier in the week before i had moved, i had my last hangout with l for a while. we had subway and then they were my emotional support for asking my talking stage l on a date. it was so... okay, spoiler, i am going on a date with him but i still want to tell you about the interaction because it was a bit silly.

me and l (my bff l, not talking stage l) are sitting in the hallway of my old school and discussing what i should say and how i should send it and stuff. so i'm planning every single message out word for word in my notes app. once i've received approval from my friend, i open snapchat and stare at the conversation for a tiny bit before starting to type the messages out. i wanted to type them out rather than copy pasting so it would still feel a bit more real (for myself) in a way. literally started off with a single "btwwww" and his bitmoji shows up immediately and i literally yell and my friend starts yelling too because we didn't expect him to see the messages in real time. he replies a few quick silly messages just copying me but in swedish and then since i haven't typed out my second message yet he's going "TYPE". it was funny but it was so weird because it almost felt as if he knew it was happening right there and then.

i continue with like "you know how i'm moving soon" "to stockholm" "and i'll become a stockholmare" and he's like "yeah, you'll become swaggy" and then i just type out the entire question and i'm freaking out but i just go as quickly as possible over the keys so it'll be over:

"so i was wondering if you maybe wanted to go on a silly little date?"

i added the shy fingers emoji combo and like a looking down kinda sad/desparate i don't know emoji and he replies with like the emoji with a salute emoji and the same shy fingers and then a second message saying "hell yes" WHICH WAS SO RELIEVING OH MY GOD LIKE I DID THINK IT WOULD BE CRAZY IF HE DENIED AFTER HAVING TALKED FOR THIS LONG SO I WAS EXPECTING IT BUT LIKE HEARING IT AND IT BEING SO ENTHUSIASTIC WAS SO NICE!

we planned to go for drinks next weekend and now we've decided on friday and i'm literally shitting myself every moment ever right now. i'm so nervous. I'VE NEVER BEEN ON A DATE NOR HAD LIKE A THING WITH SOMEONE AND ACTUALLY MET UP NOR KISSED SOMEONE OR LIKE DONE ANYTHING! I'M GOING TO EMBARRASS MYSELF SO BAD!

hoping the drinks will help me out! love y'all! i'm gonna die!

sotw: kent - beskyddaren

[living-d3ad-gh0ul]

Tuesday 29th August 2023, 05:48am

I've been trying to figure out a way to start writing my next post to you for a couple days now. I keep coming back and writing and then deleting everything. Right now, I just want to sigh very deeply. Things are just.. I don't even have a word to describe them, I just want to do a big sigh.

I'll start off with some nice stuff. London was lots of fun, Joji was amazing. I'm gonna attach some pictures of the concert and places I went and just some other random pictures of my trip. My little mini holiday started with something really cool actually, I laughed when it happened. I went to check in at the airport (cause I had a checked bag and I hate doing it online when I have one of those) and I give the guy my passport and stuff, tell him my name, where I'm going etc. And he just goes "Oh.. how about that" and immediately I'm looking at him like 👀 how about what? What does that mean? And I start panicking thinking my flights delayed or cancelled or I booked the wrong fucking date or something. And he just says "Well it says here 'Thank you for flying with BA, enjoy your upgrade' so it looks like you've been upgraded". I swear to you E, I looked at the man like he'd grown an extra head LOL. I was all like "is this some like.. ploy to get me to pay for an upgrade? Cause it's not happening lol" and he's like "nope, you've already been upgraded, you're in business class now, you get extra luggage allowance, here's your boarding pass, go to priority security and head on up to the lounge for free drinks and food". So I just stood there and laughed and shook my head and asked him if he was serious, and he absolutely was. Thank god for the extra luggage allowance btw, because I had absolutely overpacked. I think I always worry I won't have enough or that the weather will suddenly change or something and I won't be prepared. Which, is actually a very valid fear when you live in the UK lol.

So.. I went on up, went through priority security.. and I got fucking stopped didn't I? I sat there like "shit what did I leave in my bag? Did I not do my liquids right?". The guy pulled me over.. and it turned out it was my dad's jacket that they had flagged. He passed his leather jacket down to me, his proper real leather biker jacket. It's too big on me, but I love it and I really wanted to take it with me. Now.. I'm not sure if I said before or not.. but my dad was a fond man of the devils cabbage. So I *immediately* started panicking, thinking there was some hidden pocket I hadn't found that had some in it.. or that he'd just stuffed some in the lining or something, because that was a very my dad thing to do, I honestly wouldn't have put it past him. So I'm standing there, watching this guy look through all the pockets and almost fucking sweating at airport security lmfao. Then he just goes "ah okay, our scanner just didn't like the zips for some reason" then he SWABS it and my backpack and I was like OKAY YEAH I'M ABOUT TO BE DETAINED LOL. But it came back fine, he handed me my stuff and off I went to find the fancy lounge. I literally looked up at the sky as I walked away and I laughed and was like "fuck you". I'm honestly convinced that was my dad totally fucking with me, just playing a prank on me and winding me up like he always loved doing. He'd have been pissed himself laughing at me.

God, I just realised how much I typed already, jesus. This might be long, because I'm sure you're aware of this by now, but I tend to ramble and drabble on about stuff. I'm sorry I just.. idk, I like giving you as much detail as possible, I like fully explaining things to you like we're actually having a conversation and not just writing letters to one another, it's just.. nice and I just want these to be like.. totally organic and not heavily edited or anything. I just wanna talk to you like I normally would.. if that makes sense. I hope it does.

So I managed to find the lounge, went and sat myself down, I had like.. an hour and a half before my flight so I grabbed this wrap thing and there was free drinks including alcohol so of course I poured myself one lol. I sat there in a nice comfy booth by myself, charging my phone, eating this tasty random wrap I picked up and drinking expensive whiskey, all because I could thanks to the random free upgrade I got. I then went and got on the plane (I was one of the first to get on too) and oh my god I had so much room. I was sat on the aisle and there was a table between me and the person in the window seat, I could properly stretch my legs out and everything. It was.. amazing. And then we took off and we got drinks and stuff brought to us. And ACTUAL food on ACTUAL plates with ACTUAL cutlery. Let me tell you, I was absolutely fucking AMAZED hahaha. I think the flight attendants could definitely tell that I had never experienced that before. I was like a kid in a candy shop haha. They gave me a gin and tonic with my little plate of food, which was SO fucking good too. And then came back and asked me if I wanted some CHAMPAGNE. So I was like UH FUCK YEAH OF COURSE I WANT CHAMPAGNE hahahaha. And it came in a REAL glass. Honestly, I've never experienced anything like that before on a plane and honestly, coming back home in economy sucked after having that lol.

I got there all good and my bag came through almost right away so I wasn't fucking about at the airport for ages, I hopped in an Uber and went to my uncles. It was really warm and the drive took a while because of traffic (I also was going from one end of London to the other tbf, but I was far too tired and warm to be dealing with the London underground, I also hate getting the tube when I have a case with me, people just look at you and give you the dirtiest looks). The first evening I was there was super chill and low-key. Me and my uncle nipped around to his local pub which was only 2 minutes around the corner from his place, we had a couple drinks together and actually bumped into a Scottish guy who was there on his own, we got chatting to him and he was quite cool. Him and my uncle were talking about being teachers and me and him had a chat about music and stuff. He didn't stay long though, but it was nice to talk to someone from the same country I am when I was away from home haha.

The next day was the Thursday which was the day of the concert and I basically had the flat to myself all day. My uncles flatmate (who is also his ex partner who I've known since I was a kid, they're still really good friends though and still live together) was gone to see family and my uncle was going to see friends on the coast that day, so we had breakfast and coffee together before he left. I chilled in the morning, put some music on and just.. enjoyed the sun. I had the balcony door wide open and just sat there playing music and relaxing. It was the most chilled out I'd felt in months. I ended up picking up my uncles guitar and playing that for a little bit too. I'm so fucking rusty haha. I hadn't played for quite a long time, so I was trying to remember stuff but some things just came back to me, like total muscle memory almost. It was so badly out of tune too but I just tuned it up by ear, I'm still really glad I can do that. It was just really nice to have that little bit of time before I had to get ready for the concert and make my way across London again. But I did and I actually met up with someone from the discord server we first met on! A guy called Zach from London and his girlfriend. Me and him are still friends and have been for years, but I'd never met his girlfriend before. She was so nice, she even got me water when I thought I was dying of heat stroke at the concert lol and I had a really cool day with both of them. It was just soooo busy and sooooo fucking warm at the concert. So much so I ended up buying a fucking hat lol. I don't ever wear hats, but I really needed one. Even when I had sunnies on. I ended up buying a t-shirt too, which I'm actually wearing right now. I ended up I was so warm and drank soooo much water, genuinely thought I was gonna keel over at one point, but I was okay and I had fun.

The support acts I didn't really know, but they were quite good. I really enjoyed the first support, he was really funny and really got the crowd involved. Omg and he sang Gary Come Home from SpongeBob hahahahaha. I was absolutely pissing myself laughing when he did that, but it was a good rendition hahaha. Then obviously Joji came on and I was absolutely in my element. He was amazing. He sang one of my favourite songs first too. He actually sang quite a lot of my favourites of his, and even some old ones too, and I mean like.. songs from his SoundCloud days. It was really great. And there was two fucking mosh pits haha! He basically paused the concert halfway through and went off stage, then came back on and him and his hypeman or whoever started doing a fucking DJ set in the middle of the concert hahaha. They also had a Jack Sparrow lookalike competition on stage and called it a Jack Off lmfao. Oh and they literally brought out a blackjack table too and started playing that hahaha. You could tell he really wanted to appeal to all of his fans and wanted to make people laugh, FilthyFrank and Pink Guy are absolutely still in there haha. I honestly had such an amazing time at the concert. Getting out was an absolute pain though, they stopped and started us all leaving so many times and had like.. police blocking off entrances and stuff for no reason other than it was busy. I remember getting asked where I was going about four times and I was just like "um.. to get the tube home? Same as everyone else?" Lol.

The Friday I was there was more low-key. I stayed at the flat and chilled with my uncle for a few hours before I got ready and headed into Soho. I ended up going to a pub my uncle recommended me and had a few drinks. I got talking to two older ladies who were really nice and let me sit with them and chatted away to me. I also met up with a friend who had moved down to London once they finished work and we had a couple drinks there too, before we moved on to a different pub that I'd been told about. I really liked that second pub, it's actually apparently really well known and a lot of famous people go there. But I didn't see any famous people haha, or not ones that I knew anyway. My friend recognised a relatively famous ex-manager of one of the biggest Scottish football teams though in the first pub we went to and I made them take their picture with him lol. Well, I say I made them, they were like "should I ask for a picture?" And I just whipped my phone out and was like "excuse me, hi, you were just talking to my friend, do you mind if they have a picture with you?" And the guy was happy enough to do it. We then ended up having a walk around and going to another couple of bars. So many people instantly gravitated towards me because of my accent and kept telling me how amazing it was and I was just like "it is?" Hahahaha. I didn't stay out too late though, I was still tired from the concert the day before and I think I was home and in bed by like.. 1am haha.

The Saturday I just went around some places locally to my uncle. There's a cool little old cemetary nearby him that they're doing a lot of restoration works on, but you can still walk through it. So I had a wander through there, it was really nice. I then found this nice little cafe and had some lunch there before I went back to my uncles place. He'd gone out and his flatmate was still away, so I just chilled and listened to some music again, before I had some dinner and then I got ready and went to a goth club that night haha. My uncle had got back before I went out and he was telling me how he'd been to the same club I was going to before, but it was back in the 80's and was telling me stories and stuff while I did my makeup. We also had a little drink together before I headed out and it was nice. We're really similar personality wise and he's honestly really cool. We sat and listened to The Cure and Cocteau Twins and Lebanon Hanover and Siouxsie and stuff like that while I got ready and we drank together. Then I went off to the club MYSELF might I add. That was a really big thing for me, going to a place like that alone. But I ended up I just got a drink, found myself a seat near the dancefloor and just chilled for a bit. Again, I ended up opening my mouth at some point, I think I was ordering myself a drink, and some girl asked me where I was from and said she liked my accent. I told her and we ended up chatting for a while. She introduced me to her friends and I ended up tagging along with them for the rest of the night. They were all really nice and took me under their wing and we even took pictures together haha. I got drunk with them and danced with them to music similar to what me and my uncle listened to before I went out haha. I got really excited when Depeche Mode came on and basically just put myself right in the middle of the dancefloor haha. I have a tendency to do that when I'm drunk lol. I didn't get home til 5am, I had been having that much fun haha. The club didn't close til 6am too, so I really could have stayed until then if I wanted to haha.

The Sunday was just really chill, we went for some lunch and we chilled in the flat, I was a little hungover so my uncle just told me to relax and take it easy. I had been really busy tbh, so it was only natural I started feeling it a bit by the Sunday. I also ended up getting bitten on my arm and shoulder by mosquitoes or something on my first day there and by this point the bites were really itchy and irritating, so I kept having to put stuff on them to soothe it. I ended up I sat and talked to my uncle til about 9 o'clock before I got really tired and went to go crash out early. I woke up really early the next day and had to pack everything away for leaving that afternoon lol. It was sad saying goodbye to my uncle, cause he's one of my favourite family members and he really sympathises with me on the bullshit with my mother. He was really shocked when I was telling him all about how she'd been acting when my dad was sick and when he passed. She actually hadn't spoke to me for like.. 3 weeks after her birthday at the start of July. She didn't even send me a text on the day of my dad's funeral. Not a word. Didn't hear from her for like another 2 weeks after that. It's actually been like a month since she's even made any kind of attempt at contacting me. She's just.. she's really shown her true colours with all this and it's sad, because I feel like I've lost and I'm grieving for both parents almost. Just in different senses of the word, I guess. It's a whole thing spanning years, I won't get into it cause this post is long enough. She's just not a very nice person and I'm slowly starting to realise that, when I used to idolise her. It just hurts.

I was supposed to get home at like.. 6pm on the Monday evening, but our plane ended up delayed by 2 hours so I didn't get picked up by my sister at the airport until like 8pm. There was some issue with the planes navigation system that didnt happen until we got to the runway and were just about to take off. So we sat there for like.. an hour, while they tried to fix it. They managed to sort it out.. but then we had to return to the stand because they had wasted all the fuel just sitting there lmfao. So I was just like ok lol we're not going anywhere anytime soon, put my headphones in and just chilled. They refueled the plane and eventually we were on our way. I didn't get any fancy drinks or food this time, just a bottle of water and a bag of pretzels that tasted really bad hahaha. I got off the plane and, as usual for me because I always seem to have shit luck when I land at Glasgow airport, we'd landed at the furthest possible gate and had to walk aaaaaaaaall the way through the airport to the baggage carousels and so I could leave. Then there was an issue with them too. No one knew where our bags were lol. And then suddenly we were being called through to the other room which had one carousel thing. Another 2/3 flights landed at the same time as us and the baggage people put ALL of the bags from ALL of the flights on one belt. It was fucking chaos. And there ended up being a massive pile up of bags and the airport people had to press the emergency stop button. It was just a total fucking clusterfuck lol. They said that one was only supposed to be for the Dublin flight, but apparently the baggage people just went "lol no" and put all the bags on the one. Luckily, I could literally see my bag just before the pile up, so I managed to grab it (after I made sure I wasn't gonna make anything worse) and quickly make my way outside where my sister was there ready to pick me up.

I got home and had a long ass shower and just relaxed for the rest of the night. I was off work the rest of the week, so I didn't have to do anything and took my time doing laundry and unpacking and getting back into a routine a bit. I'm actually still off work right now, before I went away, me and my manager had like.. a little meeting thing. She was concerned that I hadnt had enough support at work because I'd had loads of time off dealing with stuff with my dad etc. So she wanted to like.. restart me? If that makes sense? So I took some holidays and some unpaid leave (begrudgingly, but she said it would do me best) and I'll start back from my training weeks on Monday 4th September. She thinks if I have all my training again and have a proper chance and a proper start at things without the stresses of having to look after dad or any of the other stuff I'd had to deal with, that it'll make me feel more supported and I'll do better this time around. I'm not really sure how I feel about it, cause I kinda feel like it's being forced upon me against my will? But I kinda need the job and they do keep saying it's for the best so.. I'm not gonna argue with them too much about it. Especially if they really are just trying to support me. It just means I'll be able to fly through all my training and stuff and hopefully get really good marks on all my assessments if I remember everything haha.

So um.. now comes the kinda bad part. The bit that's been making me want to just.. *big sigh*. The weekend after my dad's funeral, my aunt was pretty insistent on coming to see me. I was kinda like wtf why? This is my aunt on my mum's side btw, the one who I'm close with and who really understands my situation with my mum and stuff (and really does not agree with how she's treated me at all). She also lives with my gran, who is my mum's stepmum, but she's always just been my gran cause her and my grandad had been together since the late 70's until he passed away in 2020. So.. yeah.. I was a bit worried as to why she wanted to come over and I had asked her if it was important. She turned up at my door like 20 minutes later, telling me that it was and she wasn't going to stay long, but she just didn't want to tell me over the phone or anything, she wanted to tell me in person. Immediately, I panicked. And I was right to. My gran had been sick for quite a few months. Unexplained weight loss, loss of appetite and energy and stuff, some other really weird things that they couldn't explain. They did so many tests and scans and everything and they couldn't find anything. That was, until she had another follow up scan the week before and they called her with the results a couple days after my dad's funeral. My aunt just wanted to give me a couple more days, because she knew I was already upset, that's why she waited to tell me. But um.. yeah.. what they told her is that she has pancreatic cancer. My aunt started telling me this, telling me that they were looking at all available treatment options and that surgery was potentially going to be happening and stuff. The whole time I just stood there staring at her in complete shock. All I kept thinking to myself was "really? Again? Already?". This is now the fourth close family member of mine to have cancer. My stepmum who passed in 2014 (it was actually her anniversary yesterday on the 28th, my first one without dad), my grandad (my grans husband) who passed in 2020, my dad who got sick really suddenly and passed this year.. and now my gran.. so soon after my dad. I really got upset. I can't remember much of that evening because I think I just broke down. They've basically said that they're going to do this really intensive and strong round of chemo to try and get rid. They may also be doing surgery to remove things too. Unfortunately though, this chemo and surgery plan is like.. a one time deal. So it HAS to work. If it doesn't then.. I don't wanna think about the "if it doesnt" right now tbh. I dont know if I'm strong enough to. She started her chemo on 17th August while I was away, but I've been texting and calling, checking in on her and stuff, seeing how she's doing, even while I was away. She's been okay, but over the weekend just gone, she was feeling really sick and dizzy, not eating much or drinking, they nearly took her to hospital because she was dehydrated, but thankfully she's perked up again. She's eating and drinking and feeling a little bit better. She has to get the chemo treatment every 2 weeks and she gets 6 treatments. So there's 5 more to go. I hope her body gets used to it and she doesn't feel as bad as she did over the weekend just past again. But if she does? I'll go help her if I need to. I haven't been able to see her since I got back because I got sick with a cold or flu or something again, so I didn't want to risk passing it on to her, especially when she's going through that and her immune system is already low.

I've been feeling a bit down since I got home too, I'll be honest. This town is just.. it's so shit, there's nothing here and it's honestly just.. bleh. That's the only way I can explain it. I haven't been seeing people much either. I just feel like everyone's too busy for me. I try and reach out and make plans and stuff, but everyone's just.. idk if they're busy or just cba with me. I really hope it's not the latter. But it's kinda shit. Considering everything I've been through this year and am still kinda going through. I also keep thinking more about saving up and moving away from this shithole town I grew up in. I just want to move somewhere where there's more to do or a better life to be had or where there's more opportunities. Idk, it's definitely something I might look into. But right now, I need to be there for my gran, get started with work again and just.. breathe a bit. I can think about all that bigger picture stuff soon. I just need to look after myself and my gran and just.. idk have some kind of normality for a little bit I think.

I really hope you're doing okay too. I hope your doctor's appointments have been going well. I swear to god, if they don't let you keep the piece of your rib that they cut out, I will come over there and I will riot lol. It's your fucking rib, they better let you keep it! Haha. I'm glad you managed to figure out the monitor thing too, that would have honestly driven me mental. I think I'd have also went a bit crazy with that going on, I'm sorry you ended up getting migraines and stuff from it, that really does not sound fun at all. I really hope you're feeling a bit better though and that you've been able to have some good times and some good rest too, considering you've had a lot go on this year too, with all your health stuff and having to move back home and stuff. It seems like we've both had really busy and stressful years so far. Let's hope that the rest of the year is nice and uneventful and has some happy things for us both, I really honestly do hope that for both me and you. We both deserve a bit of a break, let's face it. If I could, I'd come steal you away for a few days so we could have a break together. We could maybe go to Tasmania and you could show me those little markets and stuff you talked about before. That would be really nice I won't lie.

Oh, I also had a dream about you a few nights ago. It was only like a two second thing, but we were standing in a shop and you were laughing at me cause I wanted to buy peanut M&M's? Lol idk why but you were like "Don't you know what they put in those things?!" and I was genuinely so confused and just wanted peanut M&M's lol. It was one of those ones where I woke up and was like "huh?" Hahaha. You weren't being mean or anything, you were saying it more in like a.. jokey concerned way it seemed.

I really really hope you're doing good, E. I really can't wait to hear from you again. And I'm sorry that this is so bloody long. I guess I just wanted to tell you everything and do it justice, tell it like I would if I was sat here talking to you in person or on the phone or leaving you a voicemail or something. Idk it just feels better than way.

I had woke up and couldn't get back to sleep when I started writing this, but now I'm starting to get tired again. It's 7am here now, but I think I could probably get another couple of hours sleep. Hopefully. My sleep hasn't been too good since I got back home again. Probably because I don't really have anything to do during the day other than things around the house etc. So I end up getting bored and napping. Which isn't good but sometimes I just get so cosy lol. I wish I had a cat like Chonky to snuggle up with and nap. I hope she's doing good too. Please give her some pets and scritches from me. Belly rubs too, if you're feeling like a gambling man.

I really look forward to hearing from you, E. I hope you like the photos and stuff of my trip to London.

"If you ever go, all the songs that we like will sound like bittersweet lullabies"

P.S, it was only gonna let me upload one video, so I put them all up on my YouTube. There's a couple different ones, but here's the link for one of them, you can have a look at the rest if you like

and heres the pictures..

[lovexjoe]

Safe Guard Part 3

Part 1 Part 2

HE HAS A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND ?!

Unbelievable. Y/N knew how to hide her emotions, but her eyes told it all. She shot death glares at Jack. Her own best friend did this. He treated her as if she was just another side chick like every other bitch she had heard about through Urban. She watches as he wraps his arm around the brunette, his eyes looking up at her and she could see how sorry he was. But that shit was not gonna cut it.

“Where’s the birthday girl?” The brunette makes her way over to Y/N with a bottle of champagne and a welcoming smile.

“Hi! I’m Destiny, I’m glad to finally meet you. Happy birthday gorgeous.” She pulls Y/N into a hug without a second thought. Y/N internally screaming because she wanted to shove this bitch off of her, but she knew it wasn’t her fault at all. It was Jack fucking Harlow’s fault. She returns Destiny’s gesture and popped the bottle. They both took a sip and passed it around.

“Thank you so much for coming. I hope it wasn’t a hassle getting over here. I heard the flight was delayed.” Y/N tries to make small talk as she peeps Jack downing 3 shots in the kitchen with Urban chuckling. Urban told him he would get caught up one day and today is that day.

“No no it was worth all of it- oh my god what a beautiful necklace. That’s the same one I asked Jack to get me literally three days ago” Destiny gazes in awe.

Great. Now he gave me a gift that was SUPPOSE TO BE FOR HER.

“Surprise! It’s not for me. Jack wanted me to try it on to make sure it would fit right.” Y/N was quick with a response not wanting to keep the necklace at all. She removed it and placed it around Destiny’s neck. She smiles and runs over to Jack to give him a kiss.

“You are the best boyfriend ever!” Jack plays it off well. Too fucking well. That’s what liars do. Druski gets to DJing and everyone was back on the dance floor. Y/N sneaked her way upstairs to the guest room. Jack wanted the main group to stay the night and she was instantly regretting the decision. As soon as she closes the door, the tears trickle down her cheeks. How could he? He made her feel so special and just ruined it. She was over the party. Her makeup started to smudge as her mascara didn’t survive her tears. Y/N washes off her makeup and changed into some PJs. There was a soft knock on the door before the devil himself enters the room.

“Baby-“

“Baby? Boy shut the fuck up. I don’t even want to hear the lies that are gonna come out of your mouth.”She cuts him off letting him know that she’s not taking any lies or bullshit. Y/N puts her foot down even though she wanted to finish what they started earlier. That’s been clouding her mind all night since it happened.

“I fucked up and I’m sorry. Destiny told me she wasn’t going to come and I told her I wanted to break up. Things have been rocky between us for a while but she keeps coming back. That’s why she hopped on the first flight over here when I said I was done.” Jack aired everything out. He knew he was still wrong but he wanted his side to be heard at least. She had to know he genuinely did not mean for this to happen. Everything that went down in his bedroom was real and meant everything to him.

“Then why buy me a necklace that she wanted .” Y/N crossed her arms and Jack was mentally making a note on how beautiful she looks without all the glitz and glam.

“She always wants me to buy her shit. She didn’t deserve it and why would you even give it to her-“

“Cause you’re a liar!” She throws her hand up absolutely exhausted over the situation.

“Our initials are engraved on the back of the necklace! It was only meant for you!”

Fuck!

Y/N didnt even know what to say. If Destiny notices she's going to flip and make her look like a homewrecker. Why does this man have to make things so complicated? A smile forms on Jack's face as he admires her in deep thought. He knew there was nothing for her to even stress about cause it's his problem. Somehow she still manages to take the stress of the world on her shoulders. She peeps that he's smiling and grabs the nearest pillow to hit him with it.

"My love, violence is never the answer!" Jack starts to mess with her. He was trying to make light of the situation. She wanted to be upset more than anything, but she lets her guard down. She knew he was sorry and Urban had already informed her about Destiny. She was a sweet girl, but she had a plan to use Jack to get to fame and money. Y/N places the pillow down and walks over to Jack. She backs him up against the door and locks it to make sure no one disturbs them again.

“I want to finish what we started earlier. I’m not taking no for an answer” He liked this side of her. He was already turned on from the moment she turned the lock.

Fuck she’s beautiful.

She trusted him even after the fuckery that went down. He picked her up, allowing her to wrap her legs around his waist and their lips connected. It passionate with a tint of anger. His eager lips reach her neck causing her moans to escape.

God she’s so sexy

As he lays her down, his hands hooked around her bottoms and he tossed them to the side. He didn’t want to rush but he also didn’t want them to get interrupted once again. Fuck everyone else right now. Her pussy was exposed, his lips kiss along each side of her inner thigh and she starts to move her hips.

“Slow mama, I want you to enjoy this.” He holds her in place. Relishing at her hairless pussy besides the cute landing strip on top. His tongue brushes her clit, teasing slowly, then fully pulling and sucking it. His two fingers slip inside her as his tongue works her clit. Y/N eyes rolls back and she’s trying so hard not to be loud. This was different from the first time, it was more intense and her body didn’t know how to keep its composure.

“Cum for me baby.” He continues to finger her, picking up the pace as he kisses her. He wants to see her cum, watch her pretty faces and her eyes roll back. She trusted him entirely. No one else saw her in this light. That was enough to get him off.

“F-fuck Jack! I’m-Im cumming!” She cries out, gripping onto the sheets. His dick was hard and it was aching in his pants. Y/N slowly came down from the high and her vision clears up. There was a glow to her.

“How do you feel?” He plays with her hair, looking down at her freshly finger fucked.

“I want…..more” She slips her hand into his pants and felt how big he was. She’s watched porn before so she knew a little bit on how to maneuver. He assists her in taking his pants and boxers off. His dick sprung free hitting his belly button.

How the fuck is that suppose to fit inside me?

“Hey I’ll go slow…” his left hand brushes against her cheek as his right hand guides hers to stroke him. She goes slow moving her hand up and down. She looks up at him as his breath hitches, his blue eyes keeping contact with hers and it made her clit twitched. She places her lips to his tip, her tongue swirling the precum around and taking him inside her mouth. He was amazed, it was just the way he loved it. Gentle and massaged. His moans did something to her, it fueled her to keep going. Seeing his curls slightly wet with sweat as they stick to his forehead. His lips red from him biting his lip.

“You’re gonna make me cum if you don’t stop” Y/N stops and lays down next to him. He gets on top of positioning them into missionary, giving her kisses to ease her mind. He brushes his tip against her clit. The room was silent, all that could be heard between them was their uneven breathing and moans. They both couldn’t believe this. This night is gonna change everything. He wasn’t gonna let her out of his sight. She’s his as he is hers. He was about to ruin the one thing no one else can have; her innocence. He positions himself and slowly slips inside her.

“Ahh!” She felt a pinch of pain, Jack kisses her neck and sucks her sweet spot to help. He stays still for a minute, but then continues after she nods her head go on. His thrusts were slow and gentle. She looks up at him, wrapping her hands around his neck and she couldn’t help but moan as he hits a certain spot.

“Jack….fuck right there” he groans as he watches himself thrust all the way out and right back in. Her pussy was drenching his cock with her wetness. He knew she was already close, he pulls her legs over his shoulders so he can penetrate her deeper.

“Cum princess” she covers her mouth to hide a moan, but Jack pins both of her hands down. His pace become deeper and harder. Her moans filled the room, with his balls slapping against her pussy. He felt her walls tighten up and released around him. He pulls out and cums on her stomach. She watches as he jerked his cock and released onto her. He grabs a towel to clean her up.

“How was it? I wasn’t too rough, was I?” He tosses the towel in her hamper and pulls her in for a hug.

“No it was perfect. Thank you” she places a soft kiss on his cheek and snuggled her head in his chest. A few minutes go by, Jack tucks her into bed, he pulls his pants and snuck his way back to the room. That’s all Y/N could remember of the night as she doses off.

The next morning

Y/N made her way downstairs as it was officially her day. She was wearing a black romper that fitted her curves perfectly. Her hair was down in soft curls. The kitchen was smelling of Cinnabons and multiple plates of breakfast food. Druski, Urban and Jack were cooking it up for her.

Jack…

Her mind rushes back to last night and she smiles to herself. He looks so good in his apron. Is this what happens when you lose your virginity? All you can think about is sex? She wanted him right now. He could take her upstairs and fuck her however he like-

“Happy Birthday!!!!” They all cheered, instantly snapping her out of her thought. Jack peeps and shoots her a wink. Destiny makes her into the kitchen looking nervous and happy? How is that even possible?

“Happy birthday Y/N! I have some news to announce if that’s alright.” Destiny looks to the birthday girl for approval. Y/N nods letting her knows it’s okay as she was curious to what the fuck could be going on. She pulls out a stick from behind her back.

“I’m pregnant!” She beams and Jack’s face turned pale.

WHAT?!

[the-army-brat-and-the-nerd]

Favorite Clois romantic scenes of all time in any media?

Thankyou so much for that question: and-I'm extremely sorry for the delay!

Please bear with me here, as this is going to be a long one! (And they aren't in any particular order, so here goes)

SUPERMAN MOVIES(1978-1987)

1. Fortress Scene(Superman-2)

The movie is my favorite one in the whole series, mainly coz we got to see a lot of Clois. And the fortress date, following which Clark decided to give up his powers, and that "Just say you love me" was so surreal and it happens to be one of my first live-action impressions on Clois. You get the picture- it is still fresh in my mind!

2. First Flight( Superman-1)

It is a scene which I love watching frequently- especially because it gives me a magical  outlook on their relationship which is, in more than one way, extremely unique.

LOIS & CLARK TNAOS (1993-1997)

1. "I've loved you since the beginning...and I'll love you till the end." (3 x 22)

This scene was everything. The quote was everything. The angst was everything. And I'm pretty sure I'm going bonkers right now. Oh and special mention to the “I’ll keep this (the ring) safe as I keep my love for you”

2. "Lois if I ever lost you, I'd be losing myself....I'm right here."(4 x 14)

It is one of those moments which awes me to no end. They couldn't get any more cheesier if they tried. No matter how twisty the plot gets or how insane the story goes, these two till the very end have found their way back to each other. They are seriously couple goals.

3. "Falling in love with you has been so easy, I don't know why I fought it for so long." (4 x 03)

This is undoubtedly my favorite live action wedding of all time, not just because of the amazing portrayal but also because of the intriguing vows. Superman, the most powerful being on the planet-looking so in love and Lois Lane, the most feared reporter on two planets- smitten. What more could we ask for?

4. " Lois- everyone is watching....who cares?"(3 x 08)

One of the scenes which successfully makes me smile every single time I watch it. They didn’t even seem to care they are surrounded by a bunch of top reporters or the fact that Jimmy took a snap of them making out in the middle of the newsroom.(Though I hope Olsen escaped mad dog Lane’s wrath afterwards!)  Reasons to state that they fit like a jigsaw puzzle: Meek Farmboy Kent and Exhibitionist Lane.

SMALLVILLE (2001-2011)

1. "I love you" (10 x 04)

It's the scene which made me fall for them all over again. The defining moment. The dance. The step-on-the-toe maneuver. Clark initiating it, not that it was much of a confession. Lois looking adorably shy all of a sudden. Hovering in the air without either of their knowledge. Both at peace. It was too beautiful for words. But then again, homecoming was a blessing bestowed upon us Cloisers.

2. "Lois, I died when you left." (9 x 09)

Another bomb in the list of the sweetest things Clark Kent ever told Lois Lane, and it just gives me the best of goosebumps. I've got to admit it was the craziest episode in the whole series- from giving away his signal watch then the "I did it for you.", the "I thought I lost you forever", the "Take my life, let her live." to the "I wish we had more time" and the "What if I never see you again...you will!" God! Too much for me to handle.

3. " We can make this work...oh boy can we?" (10 x 18)

One of my favorite underrated scenes. The real picture behind "You are not my weakness, you are my strength." (Ugh and what's with those heart eyes?)

4. "Clark!" (9 x 21)

No words for this. The crossfire ending a.k.a the first real kiss would be my favorite one but this was just epic. The way he pulls her towards him, the way she determinedly keeps her eyes shut the entire time, and then the realization. (Btw Way to go, Clarkie!)

DCAU (1992-)

1. “I love you, Lois Lane- until the end of time.” (All Star Superman)

The movie gave us such fascinating Clois moments, but this one just stands out every time...Clark Kent is such a great sap, and we love him for it!

2. Daily Planet (Death of Superman)

One of the scenes where we get to see earth girl Lois manhandling a Kryptonian God and not less, in the Daily Planet copy room. It simply doesn't matter even if it is in the animated realm, coz their chemistry is undeniable. And I also love that part in the movie where we watch Lois opening Clark’s note: “My last secret: I love you.”

SUPERMAN RETURNS (2006)

Flight Scene

I may not have been a huge enthusiast of the movie in general, but I happen to always root for Clois flight sessions, so this whole moment is something I genuinely find myself enjoying a lot.

DCEU (2013-)

1. “I love you...You are my world” (Batman vs Superman)

Somebody kill me first- I’m not even going to bother explaining how much this one affected me- it was that good. The one scene which broke my heart so much..that one scene which turns me into an emotional mess and the one scene which I would never grow accustomed to. The tender look he’s giving her, memorizing every inch of the face he would possibly never see- the whole thing was too damn perfect. And heartbreaking.

2. Clois Reunion (Zack Snyder’s Justice League)

Another of those adorable scenes. Even though Clark is experiencing that back-from-the-dead amnesia here, I’m talking about the invulnerable man of steel who took down the entire justice league, floating above threateningly, with rage-filled red hot eyes, transforming to a confused boy in Lane’s embrace. Yup- it is true love, folks!

3. The hug (Man of Steel)

Their comfort hug in the middle of Metropolis ruins. No words, indeed!

ARROWVERSE (2012-)

1. “You are my first thought of the day and my last thought at night”  (Superman & Lois: 1 x 04)

Clark Kent arranging a candlelight dinner date. Lois radiating so much of happiness, it was infectious. The quote - ”My time with you....it’s what gets me through everything else” above all. Total domestic bliss we yearn to see

2. A Brief Reminiscence between Cataclysmic Events (Superman & Lois: 1 x 11)

Among all the others, this particular episode just stands out. It was an epitome of perfection. The brief glimpse into their epic love story didn’t seem rushed and was totally on point. The first meeting, the partnership, the priceless teamwork at the Daily planet, that walk in the street with wide grins and coffee cups(so them), their evolution from friends to lovers, the identity reveal, that beautifully shot proposal, the marriage, the honeymoon, the “I’m yours babe-for better or for worse!”, the “I want a girl”- and so, to sum it all up: every single moment was legendary.

3. The Reunion (Superman & Lois: 1 x 12)

The “Hey you” and “Hey yourself”, Jon and Jordan sporting identical grins (showing that they are the biggest fans when it comes to their parents’ love life),  that kiss with the Kansas sun in the background. It was sensational

4. “Told you you’d catch me?” (Supergirl: Elseworlds)

One of the cutest moments I’ve witnessed. The sequence which previously follows up to Clark telling her not to adventurously climb the barn ladder as it was rusty, her telling him with conviction that he’d be there to catch her, and then throwing those words on his lovingly concerned face when he does, on a later occasion. And those contagious dimpled smiles.

DC COMICS

I won’t be able to wind up in this century if I start now on this area. So, you can check this and this one out for some of my favorite comic moments.

Any ways, thankyou again for the ask!

[ptergwen]

on the dot

warnings: swearing, suggestive jokes, and the boys being a lil goofy

summary: the boys keep you entertained when tom is running late

a/n: this nasty stinky year ends today! finally y’all!! it sucked sm and a lot of stuff went wrong but i’ve enjoyed spending time with you lovely people, seriously you’ve all been such a light and i hope we bring it into 2021 :,) i love all of you tons, stay safe tonight and have fun <3

-

ten.

“he’s still not here?” you storm back into the room, looking between all the boys. “where the hell could he be?” harry only sips his drink. harrison stares up at the ceiling. sam offers a sad smile.

you thought by the time you finished your private freak out in the bathroom, tom would be home. home and ready for you to kiss and hug and welcome the new year with. he has ten more minutes to make it happen.

of course, you were disappointed he couldn’t be here for christmas. you still understood because it wasn’t his fault. there was scheduling and a whole bunch of other things keeping him in the states. you’d at least have new year’s eve together, and that was enough for you.

the universe had other plans. tom’s flight got delayed to the latest possible second, and it’s beyond either of your control now.

nine.

harrison puts a hand on your arm. “maybe he’s in the taxi. traffic and all that,” he leads you over to the couch, giving you a nudge to sit down. you do with crossed arms and pouted lips. “cheer up.” harry beams and sticks a party hat on your head. you’re not even bothering to strap it on. sam scoots closer to you in his spot.

“you have us,” he reminds you, smiling to get the message across. it’s nice of them to try and comfort you, but all you really want is tom. he’s the holland you’d rather be touching knees with. “thanks, guys. i just...” you let out a sigh. “tom was supposed to be my new year’s kiss.”

“well, we can’t help you with that,” harrison snickers and takes a seat on the arm of the couch. harry puts down his beer with a cheeky look. “tessa might be available.” groaning, you drop your head onto his shoulder. “shut up, i know it’s cheesy. we talked about it, though.”

tom better get here soon and back that up.

eight.

“what if you did it over, um, facetime?” sam suggests, stifling a laugh right after. these boys just can’t be serious. “i’m not making out with my phone in front of you guys,” you scoff and adjust your party hat that’s falling. “you’d do it if we left the room, then?” harry questions, harrison raising his eyebrows at you.

you lift your head off of harry so you can shoot him a glare. “no, you know what i mean. leave me alone.” your voice shakes on the last part. you’re starting to feel emotional about all of this. you wanted one night with your boyfriend who hasn’t been home in months, that was all. why couldn’t you get it?

the boys all coo at you in unison. it’s sort of sarcastically, mostly sympathetically. harrison reaches over and puts an arm around your shoulders. “he’ll be here, y/n/n. there’s still about...” he checks his watch on his other hand. his eyes go wide.

“seven minutes until midnight.” “jesus,” harry mutters to himself, picking his beer back up.

seven.

you’re debating whether or not you should text tom. maybe call? you haven’t heard from him in hours, which isn’t very promising. the boys are making too much noise to talk to him, actually. they’ve taken to blowing into their noisemakers to distract you.

the loud humming that comes from harrison’s is ear piercing. that’s partially because he’s holding it directly up to your ear. sam is using a handheld one, and harry is raising his fist in the air while he finishes off his drink. you love their spirit. you’ve run out of your own.

“come on, year’s almost over,” harrison says in an overly happy way. “let’s at least celebrate that.” “i’ll toast,” harry salutes him with his empty bottle. “you’re pissed, harry,” sam laughs and grabs it from him. you throw your head back on the cushion. “can time move any slower?”

six.

“i give up. i’m spending new year’s alone,” you throw your hands up in defeat. harry rolls his eyes in mock offense. “hey, you’ve had great company.” “she doesn’t want to hear it, div,” sam reaches behind you and flicks his brother’s head. it earns a quiet “ouch.” you’d normally laugh at their antics, only you don’t have it in you.

you might be acting a little dramatic, but you have the right to. tom’s kisses are everything. that, and you miss the hell out of him. he misses you ten times more. you know it because he’s made sure to tell you every day.

“tom’s coming, y/n. does it really matter if it’s a few minutes late?” harrison asks with a pat on your shoulder. “hours,” you correct him bitterly. he removes his hand before you break it. you turn to sam, who clenches his teeth. “your brother has terrible timing.” “you’ve only just figured that out?”

five.

harrison and sam have you playing some three way game of patty cake when the doorknob starts to move. you immediately snap your head up. is that...

“santa?” harry murmurs in his drunken state. “wrong holiday,” sam tells him. “that’s passed.” harrison chuckles at the conversation. “we should cut him off before-“

the door quickly swings open, a breathless but grinning tom behind it. “guess who?” he drops his bags and opens up his arms. your face lights up the most it has in too long. you run straight over to him. the boys watch on, waiting to say hi until after you two get time together.

“oh my god, you made it!” you giggle out, tom lifting you up by your waist. he secures his arms tightly around you and squeezes. “how’d you actually get here on time?” your voice is muffled by your face pressed into his shoulder. “i’ll always be here for you, angel,” tom assures you, shutting the door with his foot.

he kisses the top of your head. you can feel his lips curve into another smile. “in every way.” you put your arms around his neck, clasping your hands together. “you don’t understand how much i missed you.” you’re returning the smile. “i swear.”

“i promise, i missed you so much more.” he carefully sets you down and keeps his arms around your waist. the two of you exchange a look that says all the i love you’s you don’t currently have the time or privacy to.

“oi, where’s our big hello?” harry calls from the couch.

four.

you’re all squished onto the couch now. tom is sitting in your spot with you in his lap. the others strongly protested it, whining about how you’d go at it or worse. you ignored their complaints and happily took your place on tom’s thigh. your back is to him, so he has his chin on your shoulder to sneak glances at you.

“does anyone have a resolution?” harrison asks the group of you, eyes landing on his best friend. “me?” tom checks, tracing a finger up and down your side. “to take more breaks.” you like that one. you let him know by leaning into him more. “mine’s to move out,” harry remarks. his oldest brother gives him a warning look.

“all jokes. you two are adorable,” he gives you a thumbs up, shaking around his noisemaker again. “this is what i’ve left you with?” tom mumbles to you, fully aware the others can hear. you shake your head. “they terrorized me, tom.” sam is the one to interject.

“that’s rubbish. i cooked every meal you wanted, we-“ “they terrorized me,” you repeat, playfully this time. tom taps under your chin with two fingers. “mhm, sounds like it.”

three.

“do you think tessa would still do a kiss?” harrison asks harry, who cackles when he sees tom’s face. he has to blink a few times to process what was said. you smooth your thumb over the crease in his forehead.

“what did i tell you? they’re weird.” “they’re deranged,” tom leans into your touch. “i won’t let them near her.”

“i feel so... single,” harrison explains with a fake sniffle. he eyes the two of you. that makes tom pull you closer. “stay away from my girls.”

two.

“the moment we’ve been waiting for,” you move so you’re facing tom. “is about to happen.” you also happen to be straddling him so it’s possible. if the boys have anything to say, you won’t be listening. “our new year’s kiss,” he grins, his hands dropping down to your hips. “very big moment.”

one.

tom tilts his head up to you, running his tongue over his lower lip. your party hat is strapped on now. you move in closer until your noses are touching.

“missed this face,” he rasps and nudges your nose with his. “well, here it is,” you bring a hand up to the side of his neck. the boys are huddled in a circle with their party gear, so you have the couch to yourselves. harrison is getting ready to pop a bottle of champagne.

your not so perfect night ended up being better than any of you could’ve expected.

harrison checks his watch and waves a hand at everyone. “twelve, eleven,” he counts you in. “ten, nine, eight,” you all join, you turning your head to look at the others. tom peeks his head out from behind you. “seven, six,” harry eagerly holds out glasses for drinks. “five, four, three,” sam raises up his noisemaker.

“two, one! happy new year!” the champagne sprays everywhere while you turn back to tom.

you erupt in a big smile before he’s pulling you in. he finally presses his lips to yours, your arms going around his neck. it’s easy and soft and you fall right into your usual rhythm. his lips part for you, letting you deepen the kiss.

tom’s eyes are squeezed shut in focus, on you and how you taste like the same lip balm from all those months ago. one of his hands rests on your back to support you. you break away for all of two seconds to take a breath. you’re giggling, and so is tom. you connect your lips again without warning, tom still laughing into it.

“i love you so much,” you pull away to tell him quietly. tom tugs on the top of your party hat with a playful smirk. “i love you, y/n/n. happy new year, babe.” he gives you one more peck on the lips. you’re feeling generous and decide to return it, your kiss lingering a bit.

harry summons you two before it turns into another make out.

“drinks! we have drinks,” he holds his up for emphasis. harrison already poured yours, sam taking a sip of his own while they chat. you climb off of tom and offer him a hand. he gladly takes it, interlocking your fingers and getting up. the two of you walk over to the table hand in hand.

“thanks, bro. happy new year,” tom gives harrison a quick one armed hug and takes his drink. harrison hands you yours after. “thank you,” you take it and flash him a small smile. “for everything.” “anytime,” he pulls you in for a proper hug, tom hugging the twins.

you do the same, then the five of you sit at the table to drink and talk. when they get into a conversation about golf, tom eventually breaks off. he squeezes your knee to get your attention, which you raise a curious eyebrow at. he nods toward the couch.

“we’ll finish that later.”

[7soulstars]

so glad you opened requests again! can I request an avengers x reader who has huge white wings ,but doesn't know how to fly ..maybe they found her in a hydra base locked in a cage, scarred and frightened and they took her in. thank you 💞

 Hey Darling! Thank you sooo much for sending in a request and for being so patient! I really love this idea and I'll try my best to give it justice it deserves. I really hope you enjoy it ! Love you !

Alate

...............

Pairing: Avengers x Avenger! Reader

Warnings: Reader is traumatised, ANGSTY AF, Overprotective Bucky, OOC Stephen, Avenger Loki (I just love him OKAY !), Floof

Summary: “Man must rise above the Earth—to the top of the atmosphere and beyond—for only thus will he fully understand the world in which he lives.”– Socrates

...............

Alate; having wings or lifted up in flight.

Soaring she moved like the wind would. As if even the winged gods and angels followed her path. Legs dangling she watched the lit up city beneath her, recalling her past.

It had been a regular enough mission. Ambush, Steal Information and destroy base. Natasha, Scott, Steve, Wanda, Loki and Tony moved as the rest directed them through the ear piece in their ear. Scott had managed to break in first through the main door of the warehouse with Wanda following suit. Loki got Tony and Steve in through the back and Nat, well, she slithered in from the top. Then came the problem. The files weren't in the fucking warehouse but at least 30 Hydra Agents were. But then again it never was a big deal when you had even half a handful of superheroes and a villian turned vigilante inside together. 10 minutes and half were either dead or barely alive. Just when they were about to leave Tony noticed the basement. Scott was made to go first since he wouldn't be noticed by anyone. And he definately did not expect to see what he saw.

"I don't like this. Nope."

"What the hell are you talking about Lang ?"

"Get in here !"

"No you tell us what is going on !"

"THEY'VE KEPT THIS GIRL PRISIONER AND HER STATE DOES NOT LOOK GOOD. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR BULLSHIT ONE OF YOU GET HER OUT !"

"...........Stark blast the door open..........."

"Don't have to say more Capsicle"

There was a boom and the lead door fell open, almost squashing Scott who yelled a 'watch it' before sizing up.

What they saw was what Peter would say ‘Does not pass the vibe check’

It was a metal box. Only the front covered with bulletproof glass, that was covered with perspiration and probably high amounts of dust. Chains made of lead bound her limbs. Her mouth was muzzled, hair matted, bruises and cuts everywhere, cloth covered something protruding from her back and it looked like it hurt. She cowered into a corner of the box, glaring at the newcomers, visibly terrified as her body trembled.

“What kind of -”

“Sick bastard ? Demon Spawn ?”, Tony continued for Natasha.

“We need to get her out of here”, Loki said grimacing at the way she was being treated.

“She won’t come with us voluntarily.....When, Pietro and I were being controlled by Hydra....We complied so we were never tied down like that.....But the stronger, dangerous ones are.....abused.....Brainwashing probably didn’t work on her....so they may have subdued her and she probably won’t react well to us....”, Wanda said. She felt sick to her stomach at the girl’s state. Old memories came rushing through.

Nat agreed, trying to figure out how to get the other out. They all stood there silently wracking their brains as Bucky and Sam who had stood guarding the outside came in because the others were taking too long.

“ We need to leave they probably called for back-”, Bucky stopped to look in the direction of the cell, “Y/N ??”, he looked shocked as he moved to touch the glass seperating the two. The girl desperately tried to shuffle near to him, struggling with the chains holding her in place. It almost looked like he had forgotten about anyone or anything as he tried to break the glass holding her in. Loki helped in a way too. He somehow unlocked all the chains and the muzzle with his magic. The cloth from her back came loose and there was a bright light blinding everyone for a second. They were wings.....The whitest anyone had ever seen.

The ride in the quinjet was a rather troublesome one. Y/N would hiss at anyone who even tried to mildly interact with her, flinching everytime someone moved and clinging onto Bucky’s arm as she buried her head into his chest. Everthing scared her. The machines, the people, every single thing.

Bucky looked at her in pity.He was angry that he could never get her out of that hellhole. He was angry at himself. You see, Y/N was kidnapped and brought in by Hydra at the mere age of 10. She met Bucky for the first time at the mere age of 16. 

She was one of those who didn’t listen. One of those cases where a brainwashed Soldat was thrown into their cell to discipline them. But she was also one of them whom he refused to bring himself to harm even in that state. She had helped him once. When he was badly injured as he was thrown into her cell . She had looked past her fear and wrapped a scrapped part of her dust ridden gown around his hand. That was the last he had seen of her. He had thought they got rid of her.

Nat had tried. To make the girl at least glance at her. She finally succeeded on offering her food. It made Nat feel a weird kind of warmth something she hadn’t felt ever. 

By the time they reached headquarters Y/N had familiarised herself or at least tried to with everyone. Wanda had helped her in and out of the shower. Nat had brought her clothes. Loki kept apparating and magic-ing stuff to amuse her. Satisfied with a smug look on his face when she let out a soft gasp of excitement. 

Next part was the difficult bit. Equipment everywhere. It recalled the girl of enough horridness. Steve had hesitated and asked if a full health checkup was necessary immediately and it turned out that it was. But Bruce was gentle. At that moment Y/N wondered if such gentleness had ever existed and if it did, why hadn’t she gotten a nibble of it.

Tony had stopped Peter and Thor from attacking the girl with their golden retriever personalities as he constanly kept inquiring to F.R.I.D.A.Y about her origin. Scott and Sam had bickered making Y/N giggle as she sat by Loki and Bucky. For the first time in her life she felt at peace.

Stephen Strange met Y/N a month after her rescue all after winning a bickering contest with Tony when the rest of the Avengers suggested it in the first place saying that ‘It’s not only unfair to him considering his position in the team but he can also help her.’ 

See the thing is that Y/N didn’t know her true potential and the irony is that even with wings she had no idea how the fuck to fly. 

Stephen liked her. Wong did too. She was quiet and spoke only when necessary but there was kindness and fascination in her eyes. She had tried her hand in sorcery and she was learning. Fast though not as fast as Stephen it was surprising. 

Her wings were heavy It was understandable why she didn’t try flying. But Stephen tried. Oh how he did and though embarassingly for him he had also asked the others for assistance but it never seemed to work. 

Y/N had felt what the meaning of being called an Avenger for the very first time and that it was filled with loss and pain. She had looked around her as she threw the magical golden whip at the enemy. Nat was limping. Steve struggled. Peter was down on his knees. A pack of little screams had alerted her as she looked to see a set of civilians at whom guns were being cocked at. She had leapt. Without thing of the consequences as Bucky had yelled a painful no. She lept right in front of the group,Her wings shielding them when she heard the shots go off. She waited for the pain but she felt nothing but little jerks. The battle had turned silent. Everyone had stopped to look and take in what had had happened. Her wings had ricochetted evey single bullet. Hitting them backing into the ones who had fired them in the first place. And for the first time that she had flapped them she felt herself lift off the ground as the shone a blinding white.

Y/N recalls Sundays. The days when everyone sat together at Stark Towers as they lean on Y/N’s wings watching movies peacefully with occasional perks of laughter.

Shimmering gold and green flashed beside her as she sat recalling on top of the building. A hand placing a book by Socrates in her hand. “They’re waiting and I’m tired of being pestered. Come on, let’s go”,he snarked earning a giggle.

She finally knew what the quote meant. She was lucky to be Alate.

--The End --

Finally done! I am so sorry for delaying all the requests I’m really going through a very important and stressful phase of my life. (One which practically determines my future). Thank you so much for being patient and I really hope you will enjoy this fic! Feedback is appreciated and please like, reblog and comment if you like my work to support me! I have made changes in my fic request list so do check it out! Please do not plagarise my work!

~Love, Hri

[thiswasinevitableid]

if you're still interested in winter prompts, consider: 52. "alternatively, our flights get cancel and we’re two strangers who rent the last available car together (it might be a little dangerous but we’re living on the edge)" for sternclay nsfw? where stern is stupidly hot in his rumpled suit and five o'clock shadow and so stressed it's stressing out barclay too and so barclay needs to do something about it?

O’Hare is a goddamn zoo, even two days after Christmas and even when it’s eight at night. Barclay’s terminal is on the far end, the one for smaller flights to places that are only an hour or two away. His flight is delayed, the line for the lone Starbucks is wrapped around the booth twice-over, the T.V’s are airing the same news story for the fiftieth fucking time, and the only food nearby is the Chicago-style hotdog place. He was supposed to be home over an hour ago, but the “estimated boarding time” is inching closer to midnight.

He’s trying to be chill; the circle of hell reserved for people who yell at airport employees is right next to the one for people who berate their servers. He’ll get home eventually, so for now he’ll just do his crossword puzzles and try to drown out the arguments happening on all sides of him.

Multiple delayed flights mean he’s crowded in on both sides; on his left is an older woman on her cell phone, talking as if she’s at home and not in a very public place. To his right is a man in a suit, one that was immaculate at some point but rivals Barclay’s jacket in how rumpled it is. His dark hair is slicked back like he’s an old-school movie star, and even the slight furrow in his brow as his fingers fly on his keyboard can’t disguise how handsome he is.

Something on the screen makes him mutter “shit” and he shuts the laptop with a sigh. Barclay keeps glancing back at him as he tucks the computer away in an ergonomic bag. There’s a little rainbow Bigfoot pin on the strap, an odd touch for how professional he looks.

Not wanting to be caught staring by a stranger, even a hot, agitated one who looks like he could use a hug, Barclay returns to his puzzle. He counts squares, scribbles in answers, then stalls on page four because one of the central clues just isn’t making sense.

“Chupacabra.”

He looks up at a mr. tall, dark, and anxious, “What?”

“Fourteen across is Chupacabra.”

“Oh, uh, thanks.” He writes it in, finding it fits perfectly.

“I’m sorry, I do crosswords in my spare time and I, um, caught a glimpse of yours and started solving it without really meaning to.”

“Hey, doesn’t bother me, I was really stuck.” He tucks his pen in-between the pages, “you on your way to Madison too?”

“Yes. I was in Dallas for an assignment over Christmas. I know traveling in and out of the midwest during the winter is a crap-shoot at the best of times, but I could have rented a car and been home by now.”

“Dunno, given this weather I bet it’s a parking lot all the way to the Beltline.”

“You’re right, but if I was driving I could–” his phone rings and there’s a flicker of annoyance on his face. A professional smile chases it away, “excuse me.”

Barclay goes back to his puzzle, stealing glances from the grid to the other man pacing back and forth by a far window. He’s arguing but trying to hide it, Barclay can tell from the way he keeps turning his back to the rest of the terminal or rolling his eyes at the ceiling. When he finally returns, he keeps running a hand through his black hair.

On a hunch, Barclay slips a hand into his carry-on and produces a checkered tin.

“Cookie? They’re malted milk with chocolate covered honeycomb chunks.”

“God yes.” The man takes one, bites, and the moans and quickly covers his mouth, “these are incredible, where did you get them? Do they ship?”

“I made them.” He smiles, “can’t stay with family and not bake.”

“I’m serious, if you ship these I’ll buy some.”

That makes him blush, “Uh, if you come by Amnesty Lodge and Coffee House, you can pick them up for two fifty each.”

A smile, “In a foodie city? You know you could sell those for three times that and people would line up for them.”

“I just want people to have something nice with their coffee.”

“Are you on the Isthmus? I’m stuck near the capitol so I-”

“Attention all passengers; Due to weather conditions, all flights are grounded until further notice. Please see your ticket counter to make other arrangements.”

“Shit” the other man grabs his bags and stands as Barclay mutters, “fuck” and resigns himself to sleeping in the airport.

“All passengers for United flights, please visit your ticket counters for accommodations or alternative transportation vouchers.”

Barclay tucks his legs in to avoid tripping the throng that rushes past them, the man next to him jumping up onto the seat so he’s not knocked on his ass.

“You’re not going to try for a car?”

“Not if it means elbowing people out of the way.” Barclay resists the urge to help him balance by setting a hand on his ass.

“Fair enough. Here” the other man hops down and offers his hand, “join me at the back of the line?”

They creep forward towards the counter, the smiles of the women behind it growing tighter with every patron. It takes a full thirty minutes for their turn, Barclay opting to go second. The hotel vouchers are gone, so they each receive one for a rental car.

Trouble is, when they get down to the lot, there’s only one voucher-approved car left.

“I have to get back tonight.” The other man looks at him, “and I’m betting you don’t want to go through security all over again just to sleep on the floor.”

“Nope.” He can think of worse travel scenarios then stuck in a car with a hot guy, “Promise you’re not an axe murderer?”

“I promise I’m not any kind of murderer.” A smile that’s dazzling even in the low light of the garage, “you know, usually you introduce yourself before asking that.”

“I’m Barclay.”

“Joseph.”

He passes his voucher to the clerk at the counter, “Okay, Joseph, let’s get this show on the road.”

They throw their bags into the back of the Jeep, at which point Joseph pauses with his hand on the door.

“How long have you lived somewhere snowy?”

“Uh, like, ten years?”

He holds out his hand, “I’ll drive.”

Barclay tosses him the keys and climbs in.

Being on the road, even at a snail's pace through a snow-coated Chicago, soothes Joseph’s mounting agitation. Barclay gets that; he hated the nights where he wasn’t sure if his work would be in the weeds more than the times they actually were.

“Mind if I turn on the radio?”

“Not at all.” He eases them over a lane as Barclay flips stations. They settle on a variety one, which leads to chatting about the songs, which leads to reminiscing about high school and college as they inch towards the Wisconsin border. Joseph laughs more, the city lights creeping by making his five o’clock shadow look more like the charming stubble of a rom-com hero.

Barclay is not about to come on to a guy who’s trapped with him, but he’s not above feeling out what his chances might be in better circumstances. He learns Joseph works for the FBI, that he’s an avid runner, and that he’s single.

Just as Joseph is asking his own questions about how Barclay got into cooking and if he has many evenings free when the agent’s phone buzzes from inside the center cup holder. He picks it up without looking , setting his thumb to the scanner and unlocking it.

“Can you tell me what it says?”

“Uhh” He squints at the screen, “he wants to know if the report will be finished by tomorrow.”

“Shit.” Joseph flips their blinker and makes for an exit toward a county road, “not unless I can get home in time it won’t. Thanks, you can just leave it in the cupholder, I’ll…I’ll respond when I’m not driving.” His right thumb drums the wheel, the anxious sound gradually setting Barclay’s teeth on edge.

“Where exactly are you driving? Our exit isn’t-”

“The fastest route isn’t the fastest when it’s a fucking parking lot. Even accounting for the lower speed limits on the country roads, we’ll get there faster.” They turn onto a road where the only illumination is the headlights on the snow.

“Are you sure they’re all plowed?” Barclay braces as they slide along a curve.

“I can drive on snow.”

“That’s not really what I asked.” He mutters.

“What was that?” Joseph jabs the ‘off’ button on the radio.

“Nothing.”

He doesn’t get a response, just more drumming on the wheel, and after a few minutes it’s clear Joseph’s mind is elsewhere. Barclay reclines his seat, deciding sleep is preferable to the agitated silence.

Bzzbzz

Bzzbzz

He ignores the phone rattling like a hornets nest between them. Over the next ten minutes, he counts two dozen texts.

Bzzbzz

“Could you hand me that so I can open it again?”

“Uh, think it might be better if you just wait and deal with all of them when we get back. So you can, y’know, focus on the road.”

“I can multi-task.”

“Yeah well, after you drop me off, you can split your attention between the road and your work stuff however you want.” Barclay tosses the phone into the back seat.

“What the hell?” Joseph glances back, “bring that back up here.”

“Watch the fucking road!”

“I am. Now give me my phone back.”

“No, because I don’t want to die in a crash.”

“We’re not going fast enough for that.”

“You’re missing the point. I mean, jesus, what’s the worst that will happen if you don’t answer right away?”

“You have no idea. Hayes is demanding at the best of times, and if I’m not prompt he could write me up, and one write up means the next brings me even closer to being desked, and that brings me even closer to being firedSHIT!” The car spins on a patch of ice, hidden by the darkness. Joseph manages to steer onto the shoulder and stop the car.

Barclay’s heart is in his mouth and his panicked breathing is fogging up the windows. He forces himself not to yell as he pulls his phone from his pocket, “I’m finding us the nearest hotel. You’re driving us. We’re staying the night so the storm can clear.”

Joseph tips his head back, still white knuckling the wheel, “Fine.”

They reach the Badger Motel and RV park in one piece. The employee who checks them in must think she’s witnessing some sort of break up or Midnight Run scenario from the terse way he and Joseph talk to each other. As Barclay shuts the door against the freezing night, Joseph pats his jacket and curses.

“My phone is still in the car.”

“Just leave it there.” Barclay snaps.

“I can’t. If I don’t answer-”

“You can tell them you’re asleep, or that you were driving. Joseph, please, you’re so anxious you’re making me jittery so please just chill out.”

“...Did you just tell me to chill out?”

“Yes. What, do I need to submit it in triplicate or something?”

Joseph narrows his eyes, “No. I’m just interested in how you think that would happen. I’m exhausted, I’ve got my boss riding my ass, and I’m in a motel room with a man I barely know. Not a space conducive to, I don’t know, yoga or meditation or even a nice bath. How do you suggest I ‘chill out’?” He rests his hands on his hips; the shadow on his jaw, the disheveled suit, the empty side holster, it all makes him look like a disgraced detective who needs to be put in his place.

He has to do something or he’s going to have a massive shouting match with a guy whose only misdeed is, ultimately, being stressed out over his job.

“You wanna know what I think will work?”

Joseph sweeps his hand out, indicating he has the floor.

He steps across the hideous carpet, “You really wanna know?”

The other man doesn’t move an inch, “I’m dying to.”

Barclay grabs the end of his blue tie and pulls. He misses his lips, landing a forceful kiss on his cheek instead.

“Very original, big guy.” Joseph growls, gripping Barclay’s hair with one hand and his belt loop with the other, yanking his head sideways to bite his lower lip before kissing him full-on.

“Thanks” he grunts, shoving his tongue between his lips and pushing him back until the agent stumbles against the shitty, low table next to the T.V.

“Now who’s in a hurry?” Joseph’s fingers knead the base of his neck.

“You would be too if you’d been cooped up with a hot guy all night.”

“I have beenAHnnnnohgod.” Long legs kick out when Barclay tugs on the tie, forcing his back to arch.

“That what you need, baby? Need me to give you something more, uh, urgent” He twists the tie in his hand, “than a fucking text from work?”

“Yes.” There’s a thunk as his head hits the stucco, “but, but you have your work cut out for you. When I’m focused on a work project I’m very hard to re-direct.”

Barclay holds the tie up in front of Joseph’s nose, makes sure he’s watching when he slams his hand into the wall, functionally trapping Joseph’s head in place and forcing him to bare his neck.

“Ohmygod.” Blue eyes squeeze closed, and when Barclay snarls in his ear before kissing the shell of it the agent moans. He drags the wrinkled, grey shirt to the side, and makes sure to smack his free hand down as he sinks his teeth into the skin. Joseph shudders happily under him, wrapping his legs around Barclays as he leaves a deep purple bruise on his shoulder.

“Get your shirt open or I rip the buttons off.”

Joseph’s fingers fly down the fabric as Barclay languidly rolls his hips. The other man’s position is getting increasingly contorted as he urges Barclay closer with his legs.

“You want me to redirect you babe?” Barclay bites the exposed skin above the collar of his undershirt, “I can fucking do that. I, fuck” he grinds harder against the crotch of his slacks, “I fucking direct you to keep your fucking legs open and fucking take what I give you.”

Dress shoes dig into the backs of his thighs, “you’ll have to work harder than that.”

Barclay hauls him upright, kissing him hard and hungrily. He could unzip his jeans to make it easier to cum, but then he’d have to let go of Joseph, lose the feeling of him coming apart in his arms, and he’s not interested in that. He can let his dick out any night, one where a gorgeous guy isn’t letting him fuck him hard enough to rattle the fixtures in a tiny motel room.

“That’s it big guy, fuck, now you’re following directions, ohshit, fuck, yes.” He groans as Barclay bites the crook of his neck, jerking his hips with abandon just to punch more gasps from his chest. He gets almost no warning for his orgasm, pleasure cresting in his stomach as the fronts of his legs bang into the table. Joseph kisses him through it, smiling when they finally pull apart to breathe, “I haven’t made a guy cum in his pants since high school.”

“Babe, I’m pretty sure you could make most guys cum in a used kleenex and they’d thank you for the privilege.” Barclay kisses his forehead, “I, uh, I’m gonna go clean up really quick.”

Joseph nods and releases him, removing his shoes as Barclay grabs a pair of boxers and slips into the bathroom. A few minutes later, he comes out and finds the other man under the covers of one of the twin beds, reading. He’s traded his work clothes for a shirt that reads, “I Brake for Hodags” and doesn’t look an iota less attractive.

“Guess the whole ‘on the table’ thing kinda loses it’s appeal once the heat of the moment wears off, huh?” Barclay turns on the other bedside lamp, not wanting to miss a single expression on Joseph’s face.

“I, um, I was assuming we were done.”

Barclay freezes in place, “Do you want to be? I, I mean, it’s totally cool if you do, I just always offer to get the other guy off.”

A resigned smile, “That puts you ahead of a lot of people. Look, Barclay, it doesn’t bother me that you got off; I was being an irritable, anxious mess and it was the least I could do for you putting up with me.”

“Did…did you not want to do any of that?” Bile swallows his heart and crawls up his throat.

“Oh no, I absolutely did.” Joseph sets the book aside, sighs, “But lord knows I haven’t behaved attractively tonight. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do more with me just to be polite.”

Barclay joins him on the bed, rubbing an edge of the sheet between his fingers, “What if I want to?”

“Then I, I would like that a lot.”

The sudden flight of Joseph’s confidence makes Barclay cup his cheek and guide him gingerly into a kiss. The agent relinquishes the blankets, pets Barclay’s beard as he makes his way between his legs (it’s rapidly becoming his favorite place, made even better by the way Joseph laughs when Barclay nuzzles his face). When he tugs questioningly at the edge of black boxer briefs, Joseph lifts his hips.

“Oh, baby, were you just gonna lay here all wet and hard because you thought I wouldn’t want this?”

“It would’ve stopped eventually.”

Barclay kisses one of the hickeys, “You want my fingers or my mouth?”

“Both. If, um, if that’s okay.”

“Fuck yeah it is.” He shifts down the bed, nips and nuzzles his belly as he teases his dick. Two fingers slide in easily, which he takes as a compliment, and when he draws his dick into his mouth Joseph moans in a new, delicious way.

He takes his time, swirls his tongue and curves his fingers and wonders how anyone could have been with Joseph, could have felt the rapid patter of his heart and his gasps of “yes” as they fucked him and didn’t feel the need to give him the world on a platter in return.

“Can, can you use a little more presSUREohgod” one hand grabs his shoulder, the other musses black hair, “god, fuck, Barclay you’re amazing, you’re so good” his hips jerk and Barclay let’s out a playful, smug growl as Joseph’s legs shake and a relieved, ecstatic moan pours from his mouth.

As Barclay rests his head on his chest, the agent murmurs, “I can’t believe I almost missed out on that.” A weak laugh, “I miss out on so much.”

“Joseph, hey…” Barclay scoots up so they’re face to face.

“I’m sorry. Believe it or not, I’m actually trying to disentangle my work life from everything else. I’m tired of missing movies, of not even having the chance to go to more restaurants, of, of not going on dates because I’m scared to set boundaries. I hate how I got tonight, that I get that way at all, that I put so much of myself into it-”

“There’s nothing wrong with caring about work” Barclay guides him into his arms, “when I was working my way up in kitchens I was a wreck at times. And look, I’ve only known you a few hours, but I can fucking tell there’s way more to you than your job, even if it’s stressing you out.”

“That’s actually reassuring. Assuming it’s not all orgasm based.” He winks and Barclay laughs.

“Nope. Not that it doesn’t help.” Barclay brushes stray strands of hair behind his ear, “uh, if you wanna stop missing out on dates, I, uh, I could definitely help with that.”

“Really?”

“My hours can be weird, but if you want to do, like, a bakery crawl or go for ice cream and laser tag-”

“Yes, yes to both.” Joseph cuddles closer.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re ruthless at laser tag?”

“You have no idea.” Joseph kisses him once, pulls the blankets back around them, “god, I’ve never been so glad to have a flight canceled.”

“No kidding.” He reaches for the light, “wait, do you need me to get your phone.”

Joseph reaches across him and turns the light off himself, “No. Work can wait. This is one of those moments I don't want to miss."

[pynkhues]

top five "Shiv should shiv her dad for [whatever fuckery he did this time]" moments?

Oh my god, there are literally too many to count, but okay okay okay, ranking these on how much they made my blood boil:

5. In Argestes, when Logan doesn't loop her into what's happening with the cruise scandal and doesn't even bring her to the conference despite her theoretically taking over the company. That in itself would be bad, but when he uses her gender as a shield both in the panel and through having her link arms with him in front of the press - - flames! Flames on the side of my face!

4. As wild as it is to rank it this low, I'm putting him using his attendance at Shiv's wedding as a powerplay here. You could tell it hurt her, but it also gave Connor the opportunity to step up in the moment, so it was defs softened by the fact that Shiv had her brothers (even if one of those brothers was about to, y'know, start a coup and kill a waiter at said wedding, haha).

3. Logan ignoring her political experience during the Republican Candidate Speed Dating session while also ensuring she was in the photograph with Mencken to effectively snuff out any future political career she could have. Logan has his ways of tightening the leash on all of his children, but this has to be one of the cruelest, especially given he effectively told her she'd never had her own career when she did in 3.09.

2. Logan diminishing her role in saving the company at the shareholders meeting and yelling at her in front of everyone. She deserved to murder her father and all three of her brothers that day (but especially Roman), and the fact that she didn't is a testament to her self-control.

1. I could include the whole of the scene with Logan at the end of 3.09, but it'd be a lie. It's all awful of course, but Logan 'imitating' her during the coup when she told him the fact as she knew it then of their shared majority has made me gasp like literally nothing else on this show. We've seen Logan be cruel, but the sheer ugliness of that beat is still something that really, really affects me. I put it up there with boar on the floor - it's not just patronising, it's aggressive and nasty and tells you exactly what, deep down, he actually thinks of his daughter, because you know he'd never do it to one of his sons.

Someone should've passed her a knife on the spot.

My flight has been delayed by eight hours and I'm stuck at the airport, please send me things to rank!

[wizkiddx]

ruining the plan isn't always so bad

you can tell whenever I have really important things to be doing in my life - bcos instead I will spend hours writing for no apparent reason ah kmn ;///

tomhollandxreader - pure fluffffff

Summary: tried to base off when Dom and Sam surprised Tom shooting a couple of years back- but this time they got Y/n with them too

(I don't own the pic nor claim to ...idk how to do this crediting bit sorry :/)

The plan was in place. Tom was really struggling with homesickness on set of his newest film. No real reason why; just long hours, living out of a hotel room, half the world away from ‘home’. Harry was always flying out to join Tom as his ‘assistant’ however after a pretty heart-wrenching phone call Tom had made to Y/n, while she was hanging around with Haz and Harry at the Holland’s house... the plans had changed somewhat. He just seemed so distant and run down, when Nikki got her turn on the  phone she instantly knew that they had to do something. Naturally then, putting her superior organising skills to good use she arranged for Dom, Sam and Y/n to accompany Harry to Atlanta; and surprise Tom there. 

The way the last minute booking happened meant that Harry, Sam and Dom were all flying out on the same flight (though Harry was in first class, while the surprise guests were in economy). Y/n, because of her university timetable, couldn’t leave till a bit later, so was on a plane 2 hours after the Hollands - it wouldn’t make that much difference and if anything would prolong the joy of the excitement for Tom. They, meaning Harry who was oddly invested in the intracacies and details, had been brainstorming different ways to do the reveal- not sure whether to just do it in the hotel when Harry would be meeting Tom anyway, or waiting and surprising him when they were out for dinner or in a bar. Eventually they’d decided it would just be easier to have Harry, Dom and Sam just meet him at the hotel- then take him out to dinner, allowing time for Y/n’s later expected time of arrival, where she would then appear at the restaurant. 

Ever since Harry had let Tom know that he’d landed (if half an hour late), Tom had been excitedly texting him back constantly. The pair had agreed that Tom would simply meet him in Harrys hotel room when he got back from set. Yet when the time came, Sam and Dom were hiding just further down the corridor- waiting in the corridor. From their hideaway a couple of metres down the way from Tom and Harry, the obvious exctiement they could hear when Tom arrived and the two reunited warmed Dom’s heart. He just loved his sons all being so close- it was perhaps what  he was most proud of as a parent. Especially after witnessing both Harrison and Y/n loose a parent, he knew if god forbid anything happened to him and Nikki - they had each others backs completely. Sam was excitedly shifting from foot to foot hearing his brothers - Dom just subtly shook his head at the endearing nervous energy, clearly Sam was impatient for his turn. The idea was Sam would knock first then Dom, so after allowing a short time of just Tom and Harry reuniting, Sam pranced down the hallway and knocked. Yet it wasn’t Tom who flung the door open to Sam as per the scheme, instead his fuzzy haired twin.

“Harry what the fuck” Sam mouthed, daring to glance over his shoulder to attempt to spot Tom - annoyed at his brother for getting in the way.

“He’s on the shitter, change of plan bring Dad in.” Harry whisper-explained, making Sam roll his eyes at Tom unintentionally ruining his own surprise, before retreating to the hallway and beckoning his dad in. Dom pulled an equally bemused face until Harry filled him and he chuckled - earning him a harsh shush from both boys as they sat on the bed, facing the toilet door.

“So why did it take you so long to get here?” Tom asked through the thin loo wall, while Harry pushed his dad to sit further over on the bed.

“Oh ermm….they had some mix up with the luggage so we” Immediately getting slapped on the leg by his twin with a piercing glare,  Harry corrected himself “I mean -I had to wait for like an hour and a half to get my suitcase. Then I think I had the worst taxi driver in the world like down country roads and all.”

“Yeh like that drive should take like 40 minutes I thought? But when you texted me saying just left” He paused as the sound of the toilet flushing and the sink turning on flooded through the room ”that must’ve been at least an hour ago”

“I guess” Harry replied, hearing the tap turn off while Sam ran his fingers through his hair yet again - an excited or nervous tick.

“So how is everyone? I tried to call Dad and Y/n today but-“ The door opened, the stream of light flooding into the main room. Tom stopped dead in his tracks, voice cutting off but mouth hanging agape, still clutching onto the doorhandle. 

“Hello son” 

Dom spoke softly as he stood up from his choreographed position on the bed. Only at his words did Tom believe this was actually reality and literally sunk to his knees at the boundary between the ensuite and bedroom. He was awash with pure emotion, mainly relief - this was the exact thing he really needed right now. His dad soon pulled him up and hugged him, Sam following close behind. Tom’s reaction was priceless, the few tears being more than enough of a tell to his family how much he had needed this. 

It was an emotional reunion, there was a hell of a lot of hugs and suddenly the 14 hour journey was so worth it to Dom and Sam. Afterwards, they just all sat together on the bed and caught up on each others lives, Tom not really wanting to speak about himself - much preferring to hear all their stories from home about his mum and grandparents and the family that live down the road. He loved the normalcy of it. 

That was until a voice grabbed the attention of the whole room and Harry inwardly and silently cursed himself - in all the excitement he’d left his phone on silent in his jacket pocket, which was hanging on the coat rack so he hadn’t even heard it vibrate.

“Harry pick up your phone!” An exasperated voice exclaiming from the hallway half caught the Hollands’ attention, their heads all spinning in unison to the wooden hotel room door. It started to jerk open as Y/n wrestled with her suitcase ”You’ve left your hotel room open you div.Anyway I’m just dropping my case in your room so please text me where to go because - ugh- because right now you could all be anywhere in Atlanta and I-” 

The conversation within the room had died- all of them watching the petite brunette fight her way past the door with a silver suitcase that seemed ridiculously large and heavy for a weeks holiday. She had pressed her phone to her ear using her right shoulder and was wearing beige tracksuits a white crop top and a black leather jacket - as she grunted in frustration at the case, yanking it unceremoniously over the threshold. Subtly, Sam looked up at Tom, seeing his brothers eyes widen in shock, whole body turned completely rigid and Sam had to smile smugly - it was actually quite cute, even if he would never admit it to their faces. Y/n only stopped speaking into the receiver when her eyes finally darted into the room - noticing she had an audience. 

“Oh.” 

She stopped herself, pressing the end call button and pocketing her phone, whilst moving into the centre of  the room. She shot an apologetic smile to Harry, knowing she’d technically ‘ruined’ his plan - though to be fair it wasn’t her fault he didn’t answer the phone; or that his flight had been delayed meaning he didn’t get Tom to the resturaunt at the agreed time. Actually she could blame it all on Harry. He just rolled his eyes back at her whilst she looked past him and onto the shellshocked face of her boyfriend. 

Not being able to hide her grin, she halted at the foot of the bed, meanwhile Tom leant forward from the headboard - his eyes not leaving her. “You gonna say hi or am I just gonna stand here?” Y/n smirked, Tom still not moving from his shellshocked stance. Slowly her smirk morphed to a concerned look, eyebrows drawn inwards, as her look darted between Dom and Tom. 

“Tom are you okay?” she tried speaking gently, but before she could push anymore he launched himself off the sofa and into her arms, Y/n barely staying upright. Then Tom started spinning her round and round all the while squeezing her as tightly as possible. Y/n squealed an ‘I love you’  into his ear , already knowing Tom wasn’t ready to talk yet- instead just pressing his face closer into her neck. After a short while Tom lowered her to the ground and pulled away enough for Y/n to see the smudged tears around his eyes. She cupped his cheeks in her hands and looked deep into his mahogany brown eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“I am now” he nodded jerkily, all the while inching his lips closer to hers. Both consciously aware of half the Hollands just viewing them, their kiss was fleeting and light - but made Tom’s heart want to burst. 

“God I’ve missed your stupid face” She laughed, now her eyes filled with tears too. He let out a breathy chuckle in reply and used his thumb to wipe away a single droplet that escaped her eye.

“Missed yours more” her smile lit up the entirety of her face, such a natural glow across her face Tom shook his head slightly marvelling at her. 

“Ohhkkkayyy well I don’t really want to witness the making of nieces and nephews”

“Harry” Dom warned in a disapproving tone, even if he did have to fight back the laughter. To be quite honest he’d really enjoyed seeing his son and almost adopted daughter reunite. Both him and Nikki absolutely loved their relationship, they just went together oh so well, whilst slightly reminding them both of their younger carefree days. Harry rolled his eyes at his dad before continuing. 

“But shall we get dinner and then you can be alone all night” His eyebrows wiggled in such a manner Y/n swore she felt a little nauseous witnessing it. 

“Harry stop!” Sam interjected, elbowing Harry harshly in the side, earning him a  playful slap in return.

“Someone remind me why I’m paying the wrong twin to be my assistant?” Tom still hadn’t looked away from Y/n as he quipped a response at Harry, while Y/n was gently stroking up and down his cheeks with such a soft look in her eyes. 

“Because I rejected it” Sam smirked, making Harry yell out in anguish-

“I was second choice?!?!”

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

“Honestly just go play golf with your them! I have to do uni work anyway and-“

“But I don’t want to leave you! You’ve flown here too and I missed you.” Tom moaned, pressing a kiss into her hair from her position lying on his shoulder. Having slept uninterrupted for the first time in ages, Tom wasn’t even sure he wanted to venture away from Y/n and the bed at any point that day- even if it was for golf. 

“Your dad and Sam are only staying for the weekend so make the most of it! Me and my uni work are happy here-“ Tom’s eyes once again bugged out his face, as he caught on to her slip up.

“How long are you staying?” Shit. That was another thing she’d spoiled - getting a reputation to be as bad as Tom. Harry was for sure going to kill her.

“Oh fuck sake… that was my second surprise ruined… I’ve booked a week and a half off from uni so I can look after my little baby boy”

“Y/n don’t joke with me please.” Tom sat up, forcing Y/n to too which she huffed a little at, disrupting her comfort. It had her sitting up straight so she could look him in the eye and resting her hand on his exposed abdomen, asserting her authority on him. 

“I promise! My flights home next tuesday, but I’m missing uni so I have to be boring and keep up so it’s not a real holiday but-“ 

“I love you” 

Tom smiled for Y/n could never not surprise him. University was so important to her - she was really dedicating her life to it, especially financially. So her managing to put it on hold to look after him in a time of need was testament to just how kind and caring she truly was. 

“But you need to promise to look after yourself Tom. I haven’t seen bags under your eyes quite as impressive as this before. Think of your poor make up artists!” And she was back to being her usual sarky self. 

“I feel like I should be offended?”

“Or you can learn. Now go get showered before they leave without you.” Finally ralling off his side, then pushing him forcefully so he half rolled off the side of the bed. 

“Only if you shower with me.” The biggest smirk on his face, eyes wide and gleaming with mischief - which Y/n wanted to punch off so badly. On the other hand though, his idea didn’t sound half bad- letting him drag her up too. 

5 or so hours later, Y/n had written her assignment due in for next week and had submitted it online- making her feel pretty darn put together. She knew the boys had got back from the golf, and from the WhatsApp group Tom wasn’t very happy about his performance, so he was going to be moody. After closing her laptop triumphantly she chucked it in her bag and grabbed the spare key card and roamed the corridors of the hotel to find Sam and Dom’s room - where they all where. Tom had messaged her to let her know they were filming Dom’s podcast, so she had to be stealthy in her entrance - since to the public they were still just good friends. The secret still wasn’t ‘out’ so to speak. 

They’d left the door on the latch, allowing Y/n carefully pushing it open without making any noise. Immediately the golf-related bickering met her ears, while she peeked her head round the corner of the door. The four had set up armchairs by the window, with the camera balanced on top of a table and a stack of suitcases - in order for Harry to get the ‘perfect’ shot. Silently chuckling at the precarious arrangement, Y/n slid in through the door, turning round to gently close it shut again without noise. 

As soon as Tom had seen the door opening he had jumped out of his chair, walking up to Y/n and wrapping his arms round her- pulling her back into his chest off camera. Whispering a silently ‘I love you’ he grinned at the girl who was now arching to look into his eyes. She mirrored his sentiments, placing a bottle of water in his hand while pushing him back into frame. 

In reality, the whole of this podcast Tom had been attempting to summon energy in his body that was just not present. Don’t be mistaken, he had thoroughly enjoyed the time with his dad and brothers- but simply he only had today and tomorrow off filming for another 2 weeks, and the plan had been to stay as close to his bed as possible before the surprise happened. In all honestly, he caught his eyes drooping numerous times while they were filming the podcast- feeling safe in the surrounding of his family, the exhaustion was finally catching up to him. 

Y/n spent the rest of their podcast hidden behind the camera, doing some extra research on Sam’s double bed - yet sometimes having to stifle a chuckle at the boys filming. It was perhaps another 25/ 30 minutes before they finished, during which there was a hell of a lot of spoilers that they only realised too late could not be included. She really really did try to focus on her work, yet instead she found her eyes being drawn to her boyfriend. He still looked shattered. All she really wanted to do was wrap him in a thick duvet and cuddle into his side. She even promised herself to only find his occasional snores endearing tonight, which was something she often struggled with normally.

So when the camera was clicked off, Y/n spent a short amount of time chatting with all the Hollands, before suggesting they went to their own respective rooms before dinner. Unconsciously, when Y/n had suggested it, out of pure relief, Tom leaned almost all his weight against her side - anchored by the strong clasp on her hand. Of course, Y/n noticed and practically pulled Tom down the hallway without saying a word. Only when she let go of the door of their room, allowing it to close with a small slam, did she speak her mind.

“You shower, I’m getting room service then movies in bed… no arguments Holland.” He stared at her ,mouth agape, a little taken aback by her assertiveness, typically the opposite of Y/n. 

“I feel like you’ve just been inside all day, let me-“

“Nope. Nope. My holiday this is what I want… now shoo” She smirked, pushing him toward the ensuite door. Tom knew he did not have a choice in the matter, and even if he could possibly have some sort of influence- he was way too tired to argue.

Barely 15 minutes later, the two were wrapped cosily in the crisp white bedsheets, Tom with a small glass of a negroni cocktail and Y/n with her lime soda. Both were semi-reclined in a mound of pillows, yet Tom felt the need to also lean on her chest slightly. The familiarity of Y/n’s favourite movie ‘sunshine on leith’ playing on the screen, meant that within the first 10 minutes Tom was no longer alert. The smell of her perfume and the warmth of the duvet lulled him into a much needed slumber, making Y/n have to save the half-drunk negroni from spilling across the bedsheets as his grip relaxed. She just nestled in to the pillows further, a satisfied small grin dancing on her lips as she looked ahead at the TV, reducing the volume a little.

“Tom?…..Y/n?… Is anyone home?” A familiar voice sucked Y/n out from the next film ‘the greatest showman’, making her jump a little. Recognising it to be Dom instantly, Y/n had a mini argument in her head - whether to risk disturbing Tom by wriggling out from under him; or to call out instead, granting Dom independent entrance to the hotel room. It was possibly a bit of a weird position for her unofficial father-in-law to see his son and his girlfriend in, but she cared more right now about Tom resting than Dom’s opinions. 

“Dom…. come in… it’s open I think.” Desperately trying to get the volume right - enough so Dom could hear, but not so much as to wake Tom she called out, craning her neck toward the door. Luckily almost immediately Dom let himself in, and quizzically walked in seeing Y/n in bed.

“Sorry… it’s just I didn’t want to disturb him” Nodding in understanding, Dom inspected the state of his grown up, yet childlike son, asleep on her shoulder. 

“No no… he needs it. He always works himself raw for jobs but this…”

“It’s impressive even for him.” Y/n agreed, Dom noticing her unconscious stroking of his sons arm, soothing Tom as he slept. 

“Well me and the boys were trying to phone you both because we are going for dinner-“

“Ah sorry my phones in my bag”

“No no it’s fine… just it looks like Tom could do with an extra hour or so.” Dom motioned again to the slumbering figure with his trademark small grin, finding the whole situation entirely heartwarming.

“I was planning on waking him up so we could all go to the pub this evening… but yeh skipping the dinner might be a plan. I know it’s your last night and all but-“

“-Don’t apologise Y/n. I’m glad you’re looking after the kid.”  Y/n just smiled slightly, a small blush glowing from her cheeks. “I’ll um….leave you in peace… so maybe 9 o’clock? That gives you both 3 and a bit hours.”

“Sounds good!”Still speaking softly, Y/n freed one of her hands from the duvet and gave Dom a little wave as he exited the room giving a nod to her as the door closed. 

It was a sign of the times. Dom used to be Tom’s go to whenever he was tires, frazzled or fed up. But now he had been superseded by a far superior option. A kind, beautiful, intellectual choice - that Dom would graciously accept defeat to. 

He was awfully glad Tom had Y/n in his corner. And he was awfully glad he had found a surrogate  daughter in Y/n too. 

[kuroopaisen]

tiny love || v

➵ as tooru’s younger sister, falling in love with iwaizumi hajime was easy. iwaizumi ultimately decided to rebuff you. but that was a year ago - things are different now. and you have other things to worry about. things like moving halfway across the world for university; and moving in with the very boy who’d broken your heart. 

warnings: f!reader

wc: 4.3k

m.list | ch. 4 ↞ ch. 5↠ ch. 6

Life moved too quickly.

That was the only logical conclusion you could come to after the past few weeks. One minute you’re finding out you’ve got a scholarship to a university overseas, the next you’re spending as much time with your friends as you can without burning out, and then suddenly you’re standing at the airport, suitcase in hand and loved ones lined up in front of you like this is some fantasy RPG and you’re about to go into the final battle.

Your family had said goodbye before, but that didn’t seem to make it any easier. You’re the youngest, after all. The baby.

“Remember to call if you need anything, okay?” Your mother said, smoothing a hand over your hair.

“I know, mum,” you smiled. “I love you.”

She sighed, pulling you into a hug. She said nothing more, letting the slight tremble in her arms say all that was in her heart.

Your father was next, ruffling your hair with a certain melancholy. “Be good, you hear?” He chastised. “Don’t talk to boys.”

You rolled your eyes, grinning. “Dad…”

“I’m just saying, there are more important things to focus on,” he nodded sagely. “And don’t go causing any trouble.”

“I won’t,” you nodded. “Promise.”

Kaori was next, a certain mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Send me a photo of every pigeon you come across,” Kaori said.

You grinned at her. “Really?”

“Mhm,” she nodded. “That way I’ll know you’re alive every day.”

You stuck your tongue out at her. “That’s a terrible plan.”

“Is it so wrong for me to want to check up on my little sister?” She teased. “I just want to make sure you won’t forget about me.”

“I won’t,” you laughed. “I’m sure you won’t let me.”

“Too right,” she grinned.

She gave you one good, tight hug. She, more than anyone else in your family, seemed to be the best at swallowing this whole situation. It was a relief to know that someone would be there to console your parents.

Finally, Amaya. She pouted at you, pulling you into a rough hug.

“Don’t forget to text me, okay?” Amaya mumbled, her arms tight around her shoulders. “Or I’ll knife you.”

“I know,” you chuckled, squeezing your grip on her waist. “I’ll keep you updated on everything, don’t worry.”

“You better,” she huffed, pulling away slowly.

Once, you might’ve dreamed of going to the same university together. But life had a funny way of taking your plans and crumbling them to dust in the palm of its hand.

But you were sure that no matter what, your friendship would hold steadfast. Amaya wasn’t the type of person to let things die so easily.

You couldn’t delay any longer.

As you walked through the gate, you wondered if Tooru had felt like this. If he’d been hounded by this unrelenting fear, doubt, and anxiety. If he’d also felt like throwing up. If he had, he’d covered it up well.

That thought didn’t do much to quell the lurching in your stomach.

Tokyo had once felt unbelievably far away. But California? That was a different beast.

✧ ✧ ✧

After a twenty-hour plane ride and two stop offs later, you’d come to the conclusion that airports, in fact, were the most unholy places known to man. Whose fault was it that airports were labyrinthine hellholes which were impossible to navigate?

By the grace of God, or perhaps as an apology for the godforsaken pilgrimage that was your flight, you managed to find the luggage pickup area with relative ease. By the time you managed to haul your suitcase off the baggage carousel you were ready to take a nap for the next three months.

You sighed, looking up at the clock hung high on the wall. 5:21 AM. Ew.

You felt a touch of pity for all the workers rostered on at such an ungodly hour.

Oh, and whoever was responsible for escorting you to your new ‘home’.

As you trundled through that godforsaken place, suitcase trailing behind you and carry-on slung over your shoulder, you were too tired to think and too tired to worry about who might be waiting for you.

That clawing anxiety had gripped you for the first hour or so of your flight, but it’d been completely replaced with other worries.

There’s only fiberglass separating you and an absurdly high fall… what happens if the plane goes down? What happens if one of the wings caught fire? What if one of the doors inexplicably ripped off mid-flight and sucked you out through a vacuum?

Regardless, you’d landed with your soul very much attached to your body – although that in itself presented you with a host of new problems.

You glared at the signs pointing in every conceivable direction, praying that your English was good enough to decrypt this mess for you.

Arrivals. That sounded right.

You dragged your feet in that direction with a big yawn, decorum be damned.

A thin crowd was gathered at the gate, waiting to greet the ragtag group of travellers who filtered through. Mothers, daughters, beloved friends, lovers…

You scanned the crowd with narrowed eyes and the hope that you’d catch sight of some familiarity.

Oh.

There was your name on a placard, written in hiragana.

And holding it…

Shit.

Iwaizumi Hajime. He was glancing around the airport, seemingly a little bleary-eyed.

Your flight-or-fight response was well and truly activated. Had he really shown up at the airport at five in the morning just to pick you up?

Oh no. Oh God. That’s… not what you were expecting. Sure, you’d been told you’d be “picked up” from the airport, but you’d just expected some taxi service or something. Your mum had sorted that all out anyway – she’d insisted that you let her do that, at least, to give her some peace of mind.  

But she hadn’t told you it would be Iwaizumi picking you up. Were you supposed to have assumed that? Fuck.

With the inside of your cheek trapped between your teeth and a sinking feeling in your gut, you dragged yourself towards him.

Each step you took towards him just seemed to make him look even hotter. He was wearing a loose white shirt, but you could tell that he was built. Even more built than he’d been when he left. He hadn’t done his hair in that spiky Godzilla style he used to, and it’s longer than when you’d last seen him. He’s gotten a tan, too – an unfairly flattering golden tan.

And he was wearing a pair of fucking grey sweatpants.

I’m going to die, you thought. It’s official. I am the world’s biggest idiot, and Iwaizumi Hajime will be the cause of my death via cardiac arrest.

Was it too presumptuous to text your family your goodbyes?

He caught sight of you.

You made eye contact for the first time in a year.

What do I do? Your thought, cursing yourself out for being so… so like this.

But Iwaizumi just waved at you with a small smile on his face.

You closed the distance between the two of you with trepidation, scouring your mind for what to say to him.

Hi? How are you? It’s good to see you?

None of those felt quite right. You were much too tired for this. And he was much too hot—

“Hey,” he smiled, dropping his hand to his side.

“Hi,” you nodded, resisting the urge to bow. Should you bow? He is your senior… but this isn’t Japan. But that didn’t change the rules of etiquette, did it?  

“I can carry that, if you need,” he said, nodding towards your luggage.

Under normal circumstances, you probably would have refused on the basis of pride alone. But you’d just flown halfway around the world, and you were doing your best not to drool at the bloody Adonis standing before you.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, handing him your carry-on. You managed to finish the hand off without your fingers brushing, much to your relief.

Iwaizumi observed you for a second, a touch of concern in his eyes. “You okay?”

“Just tired,” you smiled at him weakly. Surprisingly, it wasn’t a lie.

“Understandably,” he chuckled, pulling a set of keys out of his pocket.

You frowned as he jangled them around one finger. “You drive?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I got my license back in Japan. Managed to transfer it over.”

“Huh,” you said. When had he learned to drive? That’d been happening right next door and you’d had no idea?  

“You ready?” He asked, looking at you over his shoulder as he turned around.

You nodded, tugging on the handle on your suitcase.

The two of you made your way to his car, which turned out to be a dingy-looking thing cobbled together with dull navy metal and rubber.

You said nothing as you packed the luggage into the boot, Iwaizumi doing most of the grunt work. Part of you felt bad, but you knew full-well that he had more strength in his right middle finger than you could ever dream of having.

He strolled around to your side of the car before you had time to remember which side of the road Americans drove on.

“Here you go,” he said. The asshole just had to open your door for you too, didn’t he?

You nodded your thanks, settling into your seat with a little more frustration than feasible.

He’d slipped into the driver’s seat as you finished buckling yourself in, and before you had time to take much of anything in, he was backing out of his parking lot.

You watched him from the corner of your eye.

He looked so… casual, doing this. The Iwaizumi you knew had never been behind the wheel of a car. And yet now, he’s moving like it’s second nature.

How much had you missed? So much must’ve happened while you were out of contact.

“Hey, uh… Iwaizumi?” You mumbled, clenching your fists in your lap.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for picking me up,” you said, chewing on your cheek. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“No problem,” he chuckled.

You felt like you should say something else. But you’re weren’t sure what. He seemed relatively calm, given the situation. Saying the wrong thing could potentially fuck that up.

“How was your flight?” He asked, gently making his way through the car park.

“Uh…” Was there a polite word for ‘awful’? “It was fine.” You shrugged. “I made it here in one piece, so…”

Iwaizumi chuckled. The sound made your stomach flip.

You leant back in your chair, closing your eyes with a sigh. You didn’t know how far away your apartment was. Fifteen minutes? Ten? An hour?

Your brain reeled with potential small-talk topics. There might be a lot of time to fill.

“Take a nap if you need to,” Iwaizumi said.

“Thanks,” you hummed.

Maybe he was aware that he was giving you an out. Maybe he had no idea.

But you were more than happy to take it regardless.

✧ ✧ ✧

A pre-made bed was waiting for you in your room. You blinked at it a few times, the brain-fog of a long flight still clouding your mind.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Iwaizumi said, leaning against your doorframe. “I just got you some sheets because I didn’t think you’ have the energy to sort all that out today.”

You’re going to cry. Cry, and then die.

“Do you need help unpacking?” He asked.

You turned around sharply at those words, waving your hands about. “Oh no, no… I’m fine.”

He looked at you for a moment longer, as if he was appraising you. He simply nodded. “Well, call out if you need me.”

“Yep!” You offered him an unbearably stretched smile.

“Alright,” he said. With that, he was gone.

You sighed, turning to your suitcase. It was laid on the floor, unopened.

Shit. This really was a big move, wasn’t it?

And, you’d moved in with Iwaizumi. Something you’d never expected – not like this, anyway.

Shaking that thought out of your head, you kneeled in front of your suitcase. Something about it felt more reverent than it had any right to. You unzipped it slowly, pushing back the battered red lid to reveal your belongings.

You bit the inside of your cheek, starting with the first layer. You’d packed your pyjamas on the top – a move you’d like to thank younger you for.

As you placed it in your lap, you gazed at the rest of your belongings crammed into your suitcase.

You hadn’t brought all that much. Mostly clothes that you thought would be appropriate for the Californian weather, a few knick-knacks and keepsakes that you felt particularly attached to, a handful of your favourite books, your polaroid camera…

So much had been left behind. You didn’t mind that, for the most part; but it still felt like you were abandoning a part of yourself. Everything you’d accumulated over the past nineteen years, just…

Maybe your parents would hold onto all your things. But it wouldn’t be remiss for them to throw them away.

It’s all just part of growing up. That’s what you told yourself – you had to change, move on and get over it.

If Tooru could do it, you could to. You had to.  

But now it felt like his shadow was hanging over you darker than ever. Part of your own journey had been dictated by him; if he hadn’t recommended you live with Iwaizumi, where would you be?

What was Iwaizumi even like now? Was he a good person? He’d been very nice and polite ever since you’d seen him at the airport, but…

Was he trying to be warm? Or was he keeping you at an arm’s length? Could your ‘friendship’ ever recover from… that?

You swallowed, running a hand over one of your dresses.

Honestly, you just wanted to go to sleep.

You didn’t want to leave the room because that meant you might bump into Iwaizumi. You didn’t want to unpack because you had the sneaking suspicion that it was going to make you feel like crying. You didn’t want to call anyone because you knew you didn’t have the energy to do so.

There was only one thing to do, then.

You managed to drag yourself towards your bed, hoisting yourself onto it with a grunt. You curled up on top of the sheets, wrapping your arms around your knees.

The ache in your eyes didn’t subside as your closed them, but there was nothing else to do.

Attempting to rest was better than nothing.

✧ ✧ ✧

A knock on your door.

You bolted upright, startled out of your uneasy slumber.

“Hey.” Iwaizumi’s voice was distant but distinctive.

“Hm?” You didn’t trust your own voice to hold up.

“You okay?”

You bit your lip. “Uh, yeah. I’m fine.”

It wasn’t your best lie,

A long pause followed.

“No, you’re not.” His voice was soft, gentle. Not like what you’d expected.

Although, you weren’t even sure what that was.

“Can I come in?” He asked.

“Uh…” You swallowed roughly, crossing your legs. “Yeah. Sure.”

He needed no more prompting, letting himself in and leaning himself against the wall.

There was good distance between the two of you. You’re grateful for it.

“What’s wrong?” He looked genuinely concerned. Why, you didn’t know.

Nor did you know if you should actually tell him. There was admittedly no reason to; at this point in your life, he was just a roommate.

“It’s just…” You sighed, your mouth moving before your brain. “It’s a big move, you know? I don’t think I’m ready for it.”

You’d had this conversation over and over again, both with Tooru and with Amaya. I’m not ready. I’m not ready. I’m not ready. It was the one thought you couldn’t escape, no matter how hard you tried to justify this whole thing to yourself.

“You’re more ready than you know,” he said softly. “You’re here, aren’t you?”

You bit the inside of your cheek. “I guess…”

“It’s not easy, but you can do it.” His tone was resolute, not harsh but firm. It almost makes you feel like he’s right. Almost.

“And…” He swallowed, his gaze flicking to the ground. “I’ll look out for you. You’re not alone.”

You weren’t quite sure what those words made you feel.

“Thank you, Iwaizumi.” Your voice is quiet enough to go unheard, but he smiled. It was only a little smile – one someone who hadn’t known him for so long might’ve missed – but it was genuine. You couldn’t tell if that was a good omen or a grim portent.

“You shouldn’t be thinking about this tonight,” he nodded, standing up straight. “You’re already exhausted, so you’ll only make it harder for yourself.”

You pouted at him, much to your own surprise. Unfortunately, he was right.

“Give me a moment,” he said suddenly, disappearing.

You sighed, lying back on your bed and closing your eyes.

It felt like you’d entered the Twilight Zone.

Maybe things would improve when you started uni. Then you’d have something else to think about that wasn’t just ‘oh God, I moved in with Iwaizumi Hajime and that was stupid, dumb, and a colossal mistake.’

Your instincts were begging you to book a flight and go straight home to Japan. Surely, you might be able to get into some university – sure, you missed the entrance exams, but perhaps…

Were you already chickening out? Tooru had moved halfway across the world entirely on his own, but he’d never once thought about turning back. And yet here you were, lying in your bed feeling like you were about to disintegrate just because your roommate happened to be someone you used to have feelings for.

God, that was pathetic. It was only day one.

“Here you go.”

You flinched, sitting up suddenly.

Iwaizumi stood at the side of your bed, holding a mug out to you. You hadn’t even heard him come in.

“Oh, thanks,” you nodded. As you took it from him, you peeked at the tea bag.

Your favourite. He’d made you your favourite tea. You took a tentative sip.

Shit.

“I hope you still like it that way,” he said, a touch of pink to his cheeks.

It reminded you of winter back home.

“I do.” You looked up at him, giving him a genuine smile.

He smiled right back, his face softening in that rare but stunning way you remembered.

You were a little proud of yourself for keeping it together.

“I, ah…” Iwaizumi cleared his throat, taking a few slow steps away from the bed. “I’m going to go to bed. I’ve got practice early tomorrow, so…”

You nodded.

As you watched him leave, closing your bedroom door on the way, you wondered if you should’ve asked him what his training was for.

But you just sipped your tea.

This really was going to be difficult, wasn’t it?

✧ ✧ ✧

By the time you woke up in the morning, Iwaizumi was out. That was something of a relief. Iwaizumi not being around meant you could explore the apartment without the fear of bumping into him.

So, you took the opportunity, sneaking out of your room and taking stock of the layout of your apartment. Two bedrooms, one bathroom, a living room attached to a kitchen… it wasn’t big, but you weren’t about to complain.

It’s quite a change from the family home you grew up in, but the change is a little exciting. It’s certainly liveable, and you know your parents are grateful for the fact rent was affordable enough.

The apartment was well-tended and clean. You weren’t sure if he’d cleaned it up before you’d arrived – which wasn’t unlikely – or if he usually kept it this neat – which also wasn’t unlikely.

A few photos hung on the wall, some with people you knew, some you didn’t. There were a few photos of the Seijoh team, exhibiting various degrees of chaos. Some others included people that you recognized as his friends from high school, and there were several of himself, Tooru, Hanamaki and Matsukawa. 

Other photos were a total mystery, though. Probably friends from university, a mix of men and women you didn’t recognize.

You didn’t let yourself look at them for too long; your mind was concocting too many questions, too many narratives that made your gut feel all funny.

The only other thing of particular interest was the television and the DVD stand next to it, stuffed full of both Japanese and English movies. Most people streamed these days, but Iwaizumi had always been a bit of a traditionalist when it came to technology.

Regardless, the small size of the apartment meant there wasn’t all that much to explore.

You slunk back to your room after a close inspection of the bathroom, which you decreed as ‘clean enough’.

By the time you passed through the threshold of your room, a quiet blanket of exhaustion settling over you. Jetlag really was a piece of shit.

You tossed yourself on your bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Maybe you could call someone. But you weren’t sure how the time zones lined up. Your parents wouldn’t be happy with you if you woke them up at some ungodly hour, and Kaori needed the rest. Amaya might be up, but you didn’t want to stress her out…

Tooru was an option. He wasn’t that far away in the grand scheme of things, and he might’ve been able to offer some advice…

But he was probably busy. And you’d already bothered him enough.

God, why were you so frustrated? Was it exhaustion? Anxiety? How difficult it was to wrap your head around the situation? You just wanted to sleep for a week.

Before you knew it, your eyes fluttered closed, and you drifted into an uneasy nap.

✧ ✧ ✧

A firm, steady knock cut through your barely conscious mind.

You blinked rapidly, frowning. Shit, did you have another nap? That better not become a habit.

With a groan (and a great deal of strain) you managed to get off your bed, dragging yourself to your door.

You opened it with trepidation.

Iwaizumi stood on the other side with a glass of water in one hand and a bowl of yakisoba with chopsticks poking out of it in the other.

“Uh,” he cleared his throat, eyes flicking to the ground, “you didn’t come out to eat, and I didn’t see any dishes in the sink, so…”

“Ah,” you swallowed. “Right.”

You hadn’t eaten yet. All day.

“Thanks,” you nodded, taking the bowl from him. To his credit, it looked good; plenty of vegetables, and nothing seemed to be burnt. That might be a low bar, but you digressed.

“Would you like to eat at the table?” He asked.

You resisted the urge to stare at him.

Eat at the table? Like… like… a family? Did roommates do that?

“Sure,” you nodded. You’re not really sure why – some fear of hurting his feelings, probably.

But you tottered after him, hoping to God that your stomach would settle enough to allow you to eat.

Iwaizumi settled himself down at the table, his seat already prepared with a glass of water, a bowl, and a pair of chopsticks.

He set the glass of water in his hand down opposite from him, in what seemed to be your designated spot.

You slipped yourself into the seat, taking note of just how uncomfortable it was. Affordability over comfort – a student mantra, apparently.

“How was practice?” You asked. You just wanted to fill the silence. Once upon a time, silence between the two of you wouldn’t have made you feel like crawling out of your own skin.

“It was good,” he nodded. He didn’t seem like he was trying to be terse of anything – Iwaizumi was just a man of succinct, short sentences.

“I’m assuming it’s volleyball?”

He chuckled. “Yeah.”

You took a small bite of your yakisoba. It reminded you of home. “Are you still a wing spiker?” You asked.

“Mhm,” Iwaizumi nodded. “Although there’s a fair bit of competition for the spot.”

“Really?” You asked. You couldn’t imagine a volleyball team where Iwaizumi wasn’t heralded as a magnificent player.

“A lotta guys wanna be the ace,” he grinned.

You smiled. That made sense.

Silence fell over the two of you for a moment as you both focused on your meals. Your appetite was voracious, now – you hadn’t even realised how hungry you were until you’d started eating.

“Did you leave the apartment today?” Iwaizumi asked, making you jump.

“Ah, no,” you shook your head. “I was worried about getting lost.”

“Fair.”

Another silence settled over you, a more pensive expression taking over Iwaizumi’s face.

He was completely unreadable. Probably because you knew nothing about him. Not anymore.

“Would you like me to show you around tomorrow?” He asked.

You blinked at him, completely blindsided.

“We could get lunch,” he offered.

You stared at him for a long moment, trying to process the muddle of feelings inside you.

What on earth was going on? Perhaps he was just reaching out a friendly hand. And, chances were, he felt some kind of duty to protect you.

“Sure,” you smiled. “Sounds great.”

You weren’t stupid enough to push away the only ally you had in this strange new world. Hopefully, other friends would come. But for now, it was just you and Iwaizumi in this little apartment, trying to make this arrangement work.

You had to make it work.

You’d find a way.

✧ ✧ ✧

a/n: aaaa thank you for your support so far! sorry this one’s a bit choppy, but i think you’ll enjoy chapter 6 (i hope sfdlkdfj)

[cucumbers-and-olives]

Enemies to Lovers Part 3

masterlist  <<part 1 <part 2 part 3 part 4 (coming soon!) >

Summary: You leave the Gillespie house and head to the airport with Charlie after an eventful two weeks. While at the airport, your flight gets delayed and you learn of some interesting news...

Category: enemies to lovers, angst, fluff

Fandom: JATP

Paring: Charlie Gillespie x fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings/Includes: arguing/fighting, small panic attack, cringy songs i wrote

A/N: so... i can never post on time. and i know its been a while since i posted the last chapter. i really hope you guys like this chapter! please reblog and comment and let me know what you think! your support means everything, and keeps me going, so thank you.

Mandatory Thanking of the Betas: thank you to @wrhen for giving me help and feedback with this chapter!

AO3 link here (coming soon!)

Please don’t repost my work without my permission, in part or whole. My work can also be found on AO3 @cucumbersandolives. Thank you!

Ice & Fire, and Enemies to Lovers are both my own songs that I wrote. All song rights go to me.

“Charlie! Y/N! Your cab is here!” Ms.Gillespie called. You checked under the bed one last time before grabbing your suitcase and backpack.

“Thank you so much for your hospitality Ms.Gillespie,” You said, walking up to her. “If you hadn’t invited me I would have spent Christmas alone, and this was so much better.”

“Christmas alone? What a loser,” Charlie remarked as he put his bag into the trunk of the cab. You just rolled your eyes.

“Charlie, be a gentleman and grab her suitcase.” Ms.Gillespie said with a calm yet authoritative tone. He grabbed your suitcase and did as he was told. “I’m sorry about him, but I’m happy you had a good time. Maybe you can join us next year?”

“I would be honored,” You said, taking a last glance around the house you had stayed at for the past two weeks.

“Hey! Let’s go!” Charlie hollered from outside. “We’re gonna miss the flight!”

“Thank you, Ms.Gillespie,” You adjusted your backpack and stepped outside to the man who had become a whiny teenager.

“Finally,” He said as you sat down. “She’s my mother, not yours.”

“I’m sorry about him,” You said to the lady in the driver's seat. “We’re all ready to go now, sorry for the wait.”

She nodded and began to drive. The scenery was nice, but it only took a couple of minutes for you to start yelling at Charlie.

“Fuck this,” You pulled out his earbud. The niceties could stop now that his mother wasn’t here. “I have tried to be nice to you this whole time, but now I can say this: You want to act like a little boy throwing a hissy fit? Fine, be my guest. But at least do it in someone else’s company, I have been nothing but kind to you, you-” You almost cussed again, but you reined yourself in. He was worth your anger but not that much of it.

He just rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Whatever you say, princess.” His words, taken in another context, could have easily been mistaken for something other than the daggers they were.

~

“It’s delayed,” He said, and that simple fact destroyed the rest of the day. “The plane has some issue. They think it’ll be at least two hours, if not more.”

“God, every time I try to like airports, something bad happens,” You said, slumping back into the uncomfortable airport chairs. You knew it wasn’t the airline’s fault, (well it kinda was), but you needed to get back to work. You fiddled with the cord on your headphones before putting them back on.

“Ah- Not so fast,” Charlie said, blocking you from putting them on. He showed you who was calling him. “If I have to talk to the boss man,” He said, referring to Kenny, “Then you do too.”

“See but I don’t,” You said, as you received a different call. “I have a different boss to talk to.”

“I mean, I’m not your boss-” The girl on the other end of the phone said, but Charlie cut her off.

“Are you actually going to talk to Jadah?” He said, about to accept Kenny’s call.

“No, Charlie. Sav’s phone died, so you talk to your boss and I’ll talk to mine.” You walked around for a bit to find a quieter corner of the airport.

“You okay, Y/N?” Jadah asked, finally.

“No, but that's for another time. What’s up?”

“So… Kenny is telling Charlie about the song showcase, but there’s one thing that he’ll leave out.” She said, leaving you on a cliffhanger.

“That is?” You said, prompting her.

“I- I may have slipped him your demos?” Jadah said slowly, and at that moment, all sense of keeping up public appearances went out the window.

“Jadah! Those were not yours to share! In any capacity!” You took a deep breath and asked your first question. “Where did you get them? I thought that the sound guy and I were the only ones with copies?” “I may have bribed him for a copy,” She said sheepishly. Even though you couldn’t see her, you knew she was nervous.

“Jadah, I have one other question.” You paused, trying to figure out how to ask nicely. “Which songs did you give him? Cause if you gave him Enemies-”

“I gave him Ice & Fire, Enemies to Lovers, and I can’t remember the third one. Please don’t be mad.”

“I’m not.” You were, a little bit. “Can you put Savannah on the phone though?” She gave a quick yes, and you could hear the phone being passed between hands.

“Y/N?” Savannah said.

“Did you know? A-about the demos,” You clarified.

“I knew you recorded them, and Jadah had me listen to them. You are amazing!”

“Thank you,” You said. “Uh, E.T.L. isn’t finished yet, but I had the time in the studio so I recorded it.” “Y/N, if you want to be a songwriter, you would be amazing!” She said, but you could tell what she meant.

“I won’t leave you in the middle of a show, Sav.” You were honest with your words. “I know.” She paused. You both knew what amazing opportunities would open up if you did. “Hold on one second, I’m going to go on mute really quick, okay?”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

You could see Charlie coming towards you. His walk had a purpose, but one that was unknown to you.

“Hello, Mr.Ortega! How can I help?” You put your hand out to Charlie, signaling to him that if he talked he would be dead as Kenny spoke.

“I’m not sure if the girls have told you, but we’d love to have you perform your songs at the showcase.” He said, and you chose your words wisely, so that way Charlie wouldn’t know.

“I’d love to! What time, and which ones would you like to hear?” You asked, as you pulled out a pen and rolled up your sleeves.

“Ice & Fire, Enemies to Lovers or uh, E.T.L., I believe that was how Jadah referred to it?” He said, and you could tell he wasn’t sure what to call it.

“Yeah, I can do that, any others?” You said, scribbling down quick abbreviations of the titles.

“Oh there was one more, How to Be a Heartbreaker, I loved that one.” He said, pausing. “And I believe that Jadah mentioned that you had a few others? If you want to pick one or two, that would be great!”

“Alright! I know it’s weird to ask this, but no one has given me any details, so what time is the showcase, and where is it?” You asked, excited for the opportunity to perform.

“4:30 this afternoon, in dance studio A.” You wrote down the time quickly.

“Sir?”

“Yes?”

“I’ll be landing from my flight only an hour before that.”

“Y/N?”

“Yes?”

“You can do it.”

You scoffed a bit as the call ended. “Fuck.” You cussed under your breath.

“Wow, you talked to Kenny, and that's your response to a conversation with him? Anyways, I’m going to grab a coffee, want one?” He offered.

“Uh, I’ll just take a muffin, if they have one.” As you walked away, your brain was moving a mile a minute as you tried to figure out how everything would work.

“C’mon Y/L/N, if there’s one thing you can figure out, it’s making this work. You can do this.”

~

“Owen!” You said, running over to him.

“Hi!” He said giving you a hug, and then he looked at you. “Sav told me, you look like a mess.”

“Yeah, I know. Look, can you fix my necklace?” You said pointing to the jumbled mess it had gotten into around your neck.

“Yeah, ‘course, turn around,'' He said, and you did so. He got surprisingly close as you moved your hair away from your neck, and as he fiddled with it, you could see Charlie out of the corner of your eye. He had a look that you couldn’t put your finger on, but it almost seemed like… jealousy?

“All done!” He said, patting you on the back.

“Thank you,” You said, adjusting your sweatshirt a bit.

“You got this,” He said, grabbing your hand. “Okay?”

“Okay-” You said, but Kenny’s voice rose above everyone else's.

“Hello everyone! If you could turn your attention to the mirror, that would be great!” Everyone’s eyes turned to him, standing on a chair with a mic in hand. “Here's how this is going to work. I’d like our lovely leads to come to the mirror. Anyone else who isn’t singing can stand off of the dance floor over there,” He pointed to an area.

“If you are singing, you can follow me,” Paul said, raising his hand.

“Okay, go!” Kenny said, and as you followed Paul, you could hear him as a question. “Where is Charlie? Jeremy, check that bathroom, and Owen, look in the break room.”

~

“That was amazing Anna! Okay, who is next?” Kenny said, motioning to the person in front of you to come out. “Ah, Kevin, what do you have for us?”

Kevin began to talk, but it was hard to hear anything over your beating heart. You tried to take deep breaths, but it just got louder, and your worries began to overwhelm you. You took a step back in the line, making your way to the back. That would give you some time to overcome your worries before you went out there.

The line seemed to move a warp speed, because before you knew it, Kenny was calling your name.

“Y/N? Are you back there?” He asked, and you could hear everyone start to whisper when you didn’t respond.

“Yeah, gimme one second!” You said, fixing your shirt a bit. You got this. You can do it.

As you stepped out onto the stage Kenny’s face lit up. “There you are! How was the flight?” His eyes were kind, but as you looked into the audience, there were many shook faces.

“It was rough, but I’m happy to be here,” You said, sitting down in the chair in the middle of the stage. You kept taking deep breaths, trying, desperately to calm your nerves.

“I know you have a couple, so whenever you are ready, just say the song's name, and what characters you wrote it for,” Kenny explained. You looked around to see who was there. There was the choreo team, some Netflix executives, the lead cast, and a couple of other people who you didn’t recognize.

“This is lce & Fire, and I pictured Alex and Willie singing it.”

“Oh the desire

Like Ice & Fire

Shout it out loud

They won’t bring us down

Not a disgrace

We’ve made mistakes

Our love is strong

So sing along

I’ve been looking for you for so long

(I couldn’t find you)

Now that I’ve met you I’ve

Done something wrong

Oh, Ohhhh, Oh

Oh the desire

Like Ice & Fire

Shout it out loud

They can’t pull us down

Runnin’ from our past

Met in a crash

Through thick and thin

We can win

I’ve been looking for you for so long

(I couldn’t find you)

Now that I’ve met you I’ve

Done something wrong

Oh, Ohhhh, Oh

The forces pullin’ us together

Can’t stop, won’t stop

Oh hold on a little longer now

We’re Ice & Fire

(Fire)

Two parts of one

(One)

Can’t you see the passion in my eyes

Of Ice & Fire.”

As you finished, the final chord rang out from your guitar. The room was silent until Kenny spoke.

“That was wonderful! Booboo, Owen, what do you all think?” He said, turning to the actors for their opinion.

Booboo nodded to Owen. “Well, I think that your song embodies the characters really well. Uh, I definitely would love to sing it in the show, and I, uh personally can see our characters singing it. You wanna go?”

“Yeah, I agree with Owen on so many levels. I’d love to sing Ice & Fire, if that's okay with you Kenny,” Booboo turned to Kenny and the smile that was on his face was slowly mirrored on yours.

“Let’s do it! You wanna sing any others?” The room held its breath waiting for a response. And so did you.

Your first song had passed the test. Made it through. Your knee started bouncing again and you looked up to Savannah.

You got this. She mouthed.

You cleared your throat and moved the capo on your guitar. “Yeah, uh, this one is called Enemies to Lovers, and I didn’t write this one about any specific characters so it can be changed to fit any of them.”

You started singing and getting into the song. A door creaked open and you looked up, curious, and you continued to sing and play.

It was Charlie. He looked like a mess, like he had just gone to hell and back. Moving among the cast to find his seat, he didn’t notice you singing. Until you started the chorus.

It’s like we’re written in the stars,

Enemies to Lovers

Swinging past the bars,

Baby, we’ll discover-

You, me, we’re not so different,

You, me, we always win it,

You and me, we’re better than we seem,

Enemies

He watched you as you sang, and you, in turn, watched him. As you went into the chorus for a second time, you saw something change in his face. A realization or something, and you turned back to face Kenny as you finished the song.

We are written in the stars,

That's how we became

Well, what we are

Bicker hard and far,

Maybe we’ll discover-

You, me, we are different,

You, me, we can’t beat it,

You and me, we’re worse off than we seemed

You strummed your guitar, leaving the song and the story unfinished.

“That was amazing, unfortunately, I don’t think we have space for it in our show.” He smiled. “Someone will contact you about using Ice & Fire.”

The panel along with the rest of the room, packed up their things and started to leave until just you and the main cast remained. You started to walk out of the room when someone called out.

“Y/N! Wait!”

It was Charlie.

You looked at him, “Yes?”

“What the fuck was that song? Who’d you write it about?” He asked, like a love struck boy.

“I wrote it about you, duh!” You watched his face turn into one of- slight happiness? You laughed and started to walk away. Of course, he would think it’s about him, but why would it be? “Fuck you, Charlie. I didn’t think you were that self-centered!”

“I’m not!”He countered, and you stopped walking to look at him.

“Really? Cause only a self-centered person would ask me that… Or, do you have a crush on me? Aww, that’s so sweet!” You mocked. “See you around, lover boy.”

~

I really hope you liked that chapter! Let me know what you thought!

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