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jasontoddssoulmate · 3 years ago

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I made an account for the sole purpose of this TUA fic concept

I’m a sucker for those “the characters read the books/watch the series” fics and I’ve read a little for TUA but I just had the idea:

The Hargreeves kids watching the two seasons but instead of just the seven of them, their birth mothers are brought in to watch as well

Maybe have the birth mothers family (if they have any) watch it with them

This happens before everything. Before Ben’s death, before Five’s disappearance, before they even have their names. The kids, One through Seven, are brought in. Maybe when they’re old enough to get the gist of what’s going on, but before they’re 13.

These 6 young women are brought in (because I adore that Luther and Five being twins is canon in the comics and I love the mention of it), and they’re confused because maybe The Umbrella Academy isn’t internationally well known so the kids are familiar but they can’t put the name to the face. Not until they introduce themselves, anyways, and suddenly they’re face to face with the baby that they gave away years ago.

Maybe a few of them regret it, maybe they tried to forget it, maybe they spend so much of their time thinking about it or maybe they’re overjoyed that their baby seems to be doing so well.

But their names.

There’s just so much about them that doesn’t feel,,, so right? Maybe that’s not the word for it but they’re too polite sometimes, their casually cruel treatment towards their sister isn’t normal and the way that they simultaneously act entitled and inferior towards each other isn’t suppose to be as normal as the kids make it out to be.

All in all, the women are confused and maybe a bit wary of their casual usage of powers among each other that’s normal to the siblings as much as it is abnormal to the birth mothers.

But communication is easy since each child learned their own mother language as well as the language of their siblings birth place and then some which only seems to remind the women that holy shit these kids are technically rich because of their father

The Hargreeves though? They’re confused and wary as hell. They may not have been introduced as The Inaugural Class of The Umbrella Academy yet (or maybe they have considering what your timeline is) but they’ve been training for most of their life and the situation is baffling. Here are these random people that they’ve never met before (at least to their knowledge) and they’ve never had to go outside to interact with others, not really at least.

So it makes sense that they go for polite but threatening. They maybe decide unanimously that the weaker willed ones like Four, Six and Seven are discreetly protected behind their older (in spirit) siblings, One, Two, Three and Five.

But they’re no real threat, its obvious in the way that the Hispanic woman uses such an endearing term like “mijo/a” and the way that the Russian woman has an ever present smile on her face and such a sweet disposition that reminds them of their littlest sibling and hey her eyes look just like Seven

So after a while, they’re more open to being relaxed. Not Five though, he’s always been just a little paranoid and being a 58-year-old in a 13-year-old body never had anything to do with it. So he’s got a harsh personality but the Danish woman doesn’t seem to be deterred. He kind of reminds her of her older twin brother who acts so harshly, but who she knows loves her so much.

So here are 7 siblings and 6 women and maybe family that was there for the women when they needed them the most. And maybe the person(s) behind this decide to be kept anonymous but they oh so want the children to get to know what being cared for is like. Maybe these women get to know the consequences of their actions or the children learn that the one who birthed them had their reasons. And it’s no excuse but it’s also not their fault. Both parties should be able to feel what they feel because it’s a complicated and maybe painful situation.

The children lose their respect for their father every episode. Even One, who they all know cherished the favoritism but it doesn’t get in the way of his horror when he finds out that he used to lock Four in the mausoleum, still does if the flashbacks are anything to go by because not Four, not the kindest and brightest of their siblings.

And when they learn of Seven’s powers and the reason why they are never present, they are understandably upset. They feel rage and disbelief that she had such a crucial part of herself ripped away at such a young age, because they know that their powers are like another limb. They’re born with it and they grow up with it and they were able to live their life with it so they feel rage. Rage that Seven had been so violated. Rage that the Seven they know isn’t really the Seven she was suppose to grow up to be. The Seven they knew as toddlers was sweet towards them but had a mean protective streak a mile wide that could never be controlled, not even by their father. The Seven they know now is so meek and desperate for attention. The Russian woman looks the most devastated as she thinks of the baby girl she got to hold for only a few hours before she was whisked away by a rich old man who is turning out to be the monster that one often hears about in television.

But the women? They watch as the children in front of them, maybe a little damaged and emotionally constipated but so obviously protective and caring for each other, grow to be the grow ups in the screen above them that grow up and grow apart after so much tragedy.

They watch as seven eventually becomes five.

How Luther is sent to isolation for years and he goes along with it in a bid to continue to please their father.

How Diego continues to rebel because he wasn’t able to growing up but also maybe because he wants to spite his father, no matter how much he protests that he could care less what his father thinks.

How Allison goes through a divorce and loses her parental rights to even see her daughter due to her dependence of her powers that leaves her devastated.

How Klaus is an addict who desperately wishes to get rid of the ghosts that have followed him all his life.

How Five disappears only a little while after their current timeline.

How Ben was brutally killed by his own powers, never getting to grow up and become his own person.

How Vanya can’t seem to do anything but go through the motions of her life, maybe having a little hope that she’ll be seen this time around, but is quickly squashed from Diego’s disparaging comments and the casual dismissal of her from her living siblings.

They watch all this, and feel sadness and rightful anger that their babies lead the life of ex-child superheroes. The life of abused children. The life of children who had only each other.

But was it really enough? Was it enough to know that they loved each other but had a hard time showing it and owning up to it due to fear of their father? Due to the constant comparisons and the way Sir Reginald had them turn on each other.

But they knew it was enough. They see it in how Diego waits for Klaus to drive him around even after he had expresses annoyance beforehand, in the joy on Allison’s face when she sees Klaus again after so long, in how Five makes sure to check up on Klaus after his kidnapping, on Luther’s face when he apologizes to Vanya after realizing his own misgivings, in Ben’s task of continuing to follow his brother around even when it pains him and in Klaus trying to comfort Luther after he finds the unopened correspondents. They see it in the support they show Vanya as she goes to check on Harlan.

It had to be enough to know that after all they went through, they still care for one another and at the end of the day, would protect one another just as they were as One through Seven.

So they watch what would be the Hargreeve’s kids misadventures, they watch as they grow together and grow apart just to grow together again, much stronger than before.

They express sadness and disbelief when they see where Five ends up, they get mad when Leonard throws Vanya’s pills away, they grieve when they learn that Ben is dead, they’re embarrassed but find it hilarious whenever Klaus cracks an inappropriate joke, they become protective when there’s allusion to Vanya having sex, and are rightfully ready to throw down with Leonard as they watch their littlest sibling get gaslit into believing her family hates her as he nitpicks all of her interactions with her family.

But just as they express their feelings over what happens to their family, they feel an immense amount of exasperation towards their older selves because so much could be fixed if they only talked to each other.

They watch and despair over the missed opportunity that is Leonard in the same house as them just as they find out what his role is in the apocalypse.

Four tears up as he watched Klaus and Dave’s reunion be undone after all the heartache.

Seven cringes when Vanya dismisses Five’s claims that he had been stuck in an apocalyptic wasteland and suggests that he’s gone crazy after his stint with time travel.

Three feels her heart drop to her stomach as the flashback shows what becomes the moment that she faces the hard truth that come with her use of her powers.

Five feels himself flush in embarrassment as he watched two version of himself in the future, one that looks not much older than he does currently, go through paradox psychosis.

Six feels frustration and a fierce grief that leaves him confused because he’s still alive he’s not dead, but I don’t have much longer.

One feels horror as he watches himself hurt his siblings one after the other with a sense of helplessness because this isn’t me, I wouldn’t do this but I already did, why would I hurt my siblings, I’m Number One I have to be the one who protects them-

The women, on the other hand, see themselves in their children.

The French woman sees how her daughter and granddaughter, it seems, both look like a carbon copy of herself and her own mother.

The Danish woman sees herself and her twin brother in Luther and Five. Sees her own personality reflected in Luther and her brothers personality in Five. Sees how her twins care just as much for each other and their siblings as herself and her brother do each other.

The Hispanic woman sees Diego’s fierce sense of justice that leaves others in the dust, and sees herself as she fought to keep her boy but ultimately lost him just as Diego loses Eudora. She thinks to herself like mother like son and bitterly laughs to herself but she’s so grateful that Diego had a mother who cared for him just as she cared for him because she often though about him and always made sure to commemorate his birthday.

The German woman can’t help but see herself in her boy. Can’t help but see her little brother in him. Can’t help but see her older brother in him. Because Klaus is so joyful but he hides his pain behind a mask like her younger brother, he’s so loving towards his siblings like her older brother, and so nonsensical like herself. So like herself, down to the curly hair and the addiction. Even if she was able to overcome it with support from her family, it pains her and leaves her in despair to see Klaus and can’t find fault in those he had around him because she sees how much they try and sees how hard the Hargreeves find expressing emotion is to others.

The Asian woman sees how sweet and shy her youngest is and thinks only of her oldest, who reminds her so much of him and can only despair in seeing that he didn’t live as long as her oldest had. She can only ask herself why her children don’t seem to be able to see themselves to adulthood but can only be grateful that even in death he has someone with him.

The Russian woman knows that her husband sees her in little number Seven, in Vanya, no matter how little that is. Maybe their personalities aren’t so similar because Seven is shy but she’s got the sweetest heart and so clearly loves her siblings. She has the same smile that she has and her little doe eyes remind her of herself when she was younger. She’s so small next to her siblings, just like herself.

So they see themselves in these kids, these grown ups. But so do the Hargreeves.

They see how Luther looks like what the Danish woman would look like as a man and how Five looks exactly like a younger version of the Danish man who introduced himself as the woman's older brother.

They see how Two has the same skin tone and facial structure as the Hispanic woman.

They see that Allison looks exactly like the French woman and see the same in Claire.

They see Four’s curly hair and slim build in the German woman.

They notice how Six shares the same dark hair and lower facial features.

They see Seven’s eyes and smile and short stature in the Russian woman.

So maybe they don’t know them well enough to see what the women see, but they grow to see it overtime because they spend so much time there, in this suspended room in time.

The women insist on getting to know them and vice versa. They insist that they have to talk about their feelings and assure them or gently scold them, depending on the reason, for what they feel because god do these children need to learn how to talk more about their emotions in a healthy way.

They get closer to the children and start to really see their childish side. They all fight over the silliest things, and become pouty when attention isn’t being drawn over to them. They crave physical affection, even Five who won’t admit that his maternal uncle patting him and One of the head made him feel all gooey inside. They make faces towards foods that they don’t like and still prefer junk food over real food.

So maybe it’s harder to let themselves act like children because they’re being conditioned to not “be childish” but even then they have their lapses in control. Four enters a state of panic after being reminded of his time in the mausoleum. One feels overwhelming guilt when he sees how Luther hurts Klaus and reminds himself that he’s the one that needs to protect them, as the leader and self proclaimed older sibling. Five feels himself cry for the first time in a long while when he sees how his siblings act towards him in the future and realize it hurts him deeply because he knows that he’s messed up their lives a lot but can’t they see that he only want to keep them alive, he doesn’t want to see them die again, he can’t-

But instead of being shamed into controlling their emotions, they are comforted and reassured. Four’s birth mother helps ground him and counts his breathing with him to keep him from falling further into his panic. One get’s reassured by his birth mother that his future self isn’t his current self. That everyone in the room has seen just how much he cares for his siblings and knows he would do anything for them. The twins uncle gives into his urge and hugs Five, whispering in a hushed tone that it’s okay to cry, to let it all out. He whispers that his older siblings are being idiots and if they knew just how much their actions were hurting you, they wouldn’t hesitate to apologize and hug you too. His words only make Five cry harder.

So they are cared for and allowed to be themselves fully and can be childish to their hearts content. And their birth families watch on in amazement and adoration.

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I have so much more that I’ll probably add later, but basically I want them to be cared for, allowed to care for each other and learn to express themselves better. I want to see them get to have a good relationship with an adult and if possible their birth mothers.

Pls share links and stuff if you get inspired, I’m not much for writing fanfic but I really do want to see something like this. I’d read the shit out of it. I have so much more that I want to add but I’ll probably do something about it later.

#i just think it's neat #they deserve to be cared for #Luther and Five are twins #they may all be the same age but there's definitely an older sibling/little sibling vibe among them all #i love the idea of each of the kids and the women seeing family traits in each other #i headcanon Vanya as a feral protector of her siblings before Sir Hardass took away her powers #Vanya was the epitome of i've only had them for a day but if anything happened to them i'd kill everyone in this room then myself #except she was raised with them but my point still stands #they watch the series #i have mixed feelings about the Hargreeves birth mothers #protectiveHargreeves #protectivesiblings #lutherhargreeves #allisonhargreeves #diegohargreeves #klaushargreeves #tua five #five hargreeves #fivehargreeves #benhargreeves #vanyahargreeves #spaceboy #thekraken #therumor #theseance #the horror #the boy

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ajokeformur-ray · 4 years ago

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Who wants to live forever? // Lilith x J // soft comfort

Summary: You want to sleep forever. Nothing’s working to make you feel better and everything is just too much and yet somehow is it nothing all at once. Your clown, concerned is he, reaches out to you literally and metaphorically, and he does his best to shed some of his own light into your unfathomable darkness.

A/N: Written for @jokershyena. I’m so worried about you and I love you so fucking much, darling. So much. I’m right here with you and so are your F/Os and others and we all love you!💙

TW; suicidal themes and general sadness runs throughout this piece.

Word count: 2, 196.

A) I can hear this GIF and B) he looks so soft when he lifts his eyebrows up, I’m cry 😭🥺

You weren’t okay and you hadn’t been for the longest time.

Everything was just so wrong and you had long since begun to dance with Death. Those frequent flirtations were of little concern to you, so apathetic had you become to the idea of your continued existence. What was the point? You had felt like this for so long and nothing ever made you feel any better. Every person you had ever opened up to about this feeling, about this demon which so plagued you relentlessly, had told you the same things. Different the sentiments were worded but so familiar were they all the same that you could almost predict what someone was going to say before they even said it.

It was, in short... hopeless.

You had fought the eventual and therefore inevitable death of hope for as long as you could but even still, day after day, did you find a reason to go on, a purpose within what seemed to be, at least to you, meaningless. So low had you been feeling recently that you were at the stage where there seemed to be no reason at all. It was pointless to survive today when you would feel just as bad, if not worse tomorrow. Often did you make jokes about being dead inside but now were you beginning to think that there was even the tiniest of semblance of the truth within the comedy which you sought out even through the tragedy. Oh, but you were so young. So young and so tired were you and from the outside looking in did you seem all right. But to all who knew you, those who did their absolute best to keep your candles light even within the darkness which clung to you like tar, your pain and torments were there for the taking if one only cared enough to look, to just look.

To all those who knew you, you were somehow altogether less than you should have been. You were a shell of yourself and utterly alone as you drowned in your vast sea of lonely. You were broken and on your knees, your shoulders physically bowing under the metaphorical but very heavy weight of your own existence.

There was nothing anyone could say. There was nothing anyone could do when it came to your simplest but most devastating truth as your flirting with the Grim Reaper turned into temptation. Everyone knew that the best way to avoid temptation was simply to...

... Give in.

But there was one more truth which lurked deep inside your soul. There was one more reason to go on, one more reason to live to face another day with all of its responsibilities and duties. There was one more thing which you could hold onto. Just one. It was something which was wholly... yours. Without you would this truth never have existed in the first place. No one could ever take you away from it, not even Death itself, and no one could ever take it away from you. This truth, this one thing, was written into the very fabric of the universe and planets had collided, stars had lived and died, and from that stardust had your simplest truth risen like a phoenix, much like you had yet to do.

This truth, this one wonderful and bittersweet truth, was love.

And, oh, how in love you were. It got you through your every day.

Much like Death had it followed you for most of your life, so young had you been when first had you stumbled upon the Clown Prince of Crime. You had grown into the predetermined truth and it fit you like a harness; made for the both of you had it been. You and J were nothing less than soulmates. If a dictionary needed a visual aid for the definition of that term, then it would be a picture of the two of you, so radiant were the expressions on your young faces when you gazed at one another.

You laid in bed on your stomach, your arms tightly clutching one of J’s older, dirtier shirts. He always dropped his shirt on your head when he came to bed for the night, though he knew not why you liked to cuddle his clothing when he himself, the real article, was right there beside you, but he wasn’t going to complain or deny you something which brought you joy. So little of it did you experience in your life that J wanted to preserve all of it for you. You wanted to sleep forever, to simply close your eyes while you listened to J’s voice and to never wake up. You wanted to sink into him and to never resurface, to be one with the very man who was your one.

J stood in the doorway of the bedroom and simply watched you. He saw you and your efforts, he saw how hard it was for you to even get through one hour out of the twenty four, he saw all of the warning signs and he saw, above all else and most importantly, he saw you. J saw you, his brave and beautiful Hyena, and he was so concerned and so scared for you, though of course did he not show these feelings out right. He simply showed his fear and his worry by staying beside you. Just like he always had done, for there was nowhere he would rather be than with his Hyena.

“Are you gonna stand there staring or are you gonna cuddle me?” Your voice was muffled by the pillow you had your face buried in, but J heard you, he understood you, well enough, and it was with a solemn air that J approached the bed, like a siren were you and powerless was he to deny you anything, especially right now. There was no way that J would crack any jokes or make any witty observations; he wasn’t the type to kick someone when they were down. It wasn’t fun if his prey didn’t fight back, for one, but for another was it more than evident that you were at the end of your tether. You knew not how long you could continue to do this. You knew not who you were outside of this overwhelming low; the worst one you had ever experienced.

“C’mere, babydoll. Daddy’s got’cha, hm?” He knew that the small noises he made to punctuate his sentences were comforting for you and so did he take great care to make such sounds more frequently when he was comforting you. The act of doing so was one which he had had to learn in the very early days of your relationship, but how loud was his love language now that you were proficient in it. Despite his words which summoned you to him, J crossed the room in a few easy strides and he slid easily beneath the warmed sheets. You were immediately drawn to him, almost as if two magnets existed within your hearts, and as naturally as he breathed did J lift up one of his arms so that you were cradled into the side of his body. You got comfortable on your clown and though he stunk of his usual antics did you lack the mental energy to care.

Silence reigned for a few blissful moments, with the heat of J’s body seeping into your own, a radiator was he even in the dead of winter, but then you felt his chest vibrate with the deep rumble of his voice. “I don’t, ah - I don’t know wha’s goin’ on in that beautiful head o’y’rs, doll, but I know it ain’t good. You ain’t good, but’ya tryin’. I can see you tryin’ and it’s killin’ ya’ but you’re doin’ it anyway. Y’re so brave, ain’t’cha? I taught’cha well.” His surprisingly gentle and tender words sunk deep inside your ears and caressed the surface of your brain as he soothed you as best as he could. Even with one arm around you, J managed to move so that he could lay his other hand flat over your chest, his fingers digging into your skin over the space where your heart was wildly pounding out a tattoo against your chest. “This beats for me, don’t it?” J’s arm, the one which had been around you, now moved so that his hand could dip down between your bodies, which were tightly pressed together. You had no time to even register the way that this usually aroused you as his hand grabbed yours and brought it back up to his chest. His fingers interlocked with yours as J pressed your joined hands down hard over his own heart and chocolate met chocolate as J looked deep within your eyes. He was looking straight through you into your very soul, which was still glowing white, though the shade was duller than he knew it could be. He would help you to polish it, though. There was nothing J wouldn’t do for you.

Nothing.

“So does mine, Lilith.”

The use of your full name made you go stiff as you looked at J with the same intensity at which he was looking at you, and J hummed in approval to himself as he realised that he now had your full and undivided attention. J only ever used your full name when it was important for you to listen to him and this was definitely one such occasion. With his hand on your heart and one of your hands joined with his over J’s heart, it was only too easy for you to slide closer towards J, wanting more of everything that he was, ever had been and ever would be.

“There ain’t no me if there ain’t no you, doll.”

Tears sprung to your eyes unbidden, so highly strung were you emotionally, and J grunted as he wrapped an arm around you once more. He tugged you towards him, his hold on your heart and his slipping so that he could grasp your hips and pull you atop him. J rolled as he did so, coming to lay on his back. It was something which he only ever did for you; it was just another way in which he told you that he loved you without so many words.

“It’s so hard, J,” You mumbled, your tears falling hot and fast down your face and landing upon the green of J’s waistcoat like rain. J’s fingers were splayed so that he could touch as much of you as he could all at the same time as he stroked his hand up and down your back in fluid and soothing motions. “I just want to sleep forever.”

J was silent for a long time and you thought that he had fallen asleep, so still and so calm was he as he laid there on his back. It was the longest that he had ever been on his back and it was all for you. You, someone who was so kind and so gentle. You, someone who was fiercely protective and so loving and tender hearted. You, someone who was creative and hardworking, someone who suffered with and dealt with more than anyone ever knew, including you. Someone like you had the heart of someone like J and if that wasn’t proof of how special and radiant a soul you are, then J knew not what would.

“Sleep,” J’s hand stilled on your back as he awkwardly ducked his head to press a messy kiss to the crown of your head. You smiled sadly and tilted your head up so that J’s next kiss landed on your forehead, and he hummed in approval, for he loved it when you took what you wanted from him. His full, warm lips lingered on your skin and you closed your eyes as those tears slowed but continued to fall. “I’ll always wake you up, Lilith. You’re a fighter, doll, and a strong one. I know ya’ll be okay... maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not even next week. But ya brave, ain’t’cha? I taught ya’ so well. Ya’ll be okay event-u-ally. Gotta hang on for the ride, sweets.” Hang onto me.

You heard the last sentence in your head, so well did you know J. You heard the sentence in the way his arms tightened around you as once more did he press a kiss to your forehead.

“Sleep, doll. I’ll be here when, ah - when ya wake.”

With one more kiss to your forehead, you felt your two truths settle deep within you as they reached an agreement to coincide within you, though of course some days was one truth louder than the other. But no matter how bad your storms became, no matter how brutal your thoughts were or how much it hurt, no matter how hard it was even to get out of bed, you had J and he had you. He was the Clown Prince of Crime and he had stolen your heart, but you had stolen his, too, and together did you both keep the other alive.

#ledger joker #ledger joker imagine #heath ledger #ledger!joker

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dreamlover31 · 4 years ago

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Love Will Find a Way: Chapter 34

The driver side door opened and a woman dressed in a dark trench coat with black jeans and boots emerged, it took only mere seconds for Alexa to realize that it was Olivia, the headstrong lieutenant pushed through the crowd until she came upon a hysterical Alexa about to punch out the EMT, Liv flashed her badge and asked what the situation was.

“We got a call about a shooting at this location…”

“They shot Rafael…Olivia, they shot him,” Alexa shouted as tears rolled down her cheeks, suddenly, her face scrunched up when once again, a sharp pain ripped through her stomach.

“What’s wrong?”

“Her water broke, and she’s refusing to come with us”

Olivia nodded, “Ok, Alexa, you need to go with these people…you’re going into labor and you need immediate medical attention”

“I can’t leave him”

“He’ll be right behind you, I promise”

Olivia took a moment to brief her team, she ordered Carisi and Rollins to collect witness statements while Fin coordinated with CSU, in the meantime, she would ride along with Alexa to the hospital, before they had a chance to voice their agreements, Olivia hopped inside the ambulance and sat next to Alexa as the doors closed behind them.

Meanwhile, Alexa started to moan and groan in pain, her contractions were coming in strong but words of encouragement and comfort from Olivia flowed throughout as the emergency vehicle dodged traffic to get their distressed passenger to the top medical professionals in the city.

The ambulance pulled up in front of the double automatic doors of the emergency room at Mercy Hospital, the doors flew open, Liv stepped out first then let the EMTs haul Alexa out of the vehicle.

She immediately rejoined her and with their hands interlaced, followed them inside, the female EMT shouted to the on-call nurse that they had a woman in labor, within a matter of seconds; she leads them into a room where Alexa was hooked up to monitors and was notified that her OB was headed down.

The words of the young nurse had fallen on deaf ears, for the only thing that was a constant theme within her mind was the whereabouts and overall condition of the man who had made her believe that anything was possible, that gave her a reason to give love another chance and whom she had become devoted to…Rafael…my love…whatever happens…you’ve got to hold on, instantly, everyone except Olivia left the room; with eyes flooded with worry, Alexa faced Olivia and asked:

“What’s going on…where’s Rafael?”

“He’ll be here soon, I’m going to call Fin and find out what’s going on”

She reached into her right jacket pocket and pulled out her phone then began dialing, after two rings, Fin picked up.

“Hey, what have you got?”

“CSU picked up some shell casings along the curb and they found some tire treads in the same area”

“Alright, what did you get from the witnesses?”

“No one saw the shooting, but one guy said he saw a black Escalade drive off just right after it happened”

“Ok, see if there are any security or traffics cams that might have caught something…what about Barba?”

“Ambulance drove off right after you did, should be there any second”

“Ok, thanks Fin”

After she hung up, Olivia informed Alexa of the update from Fin, but it failed to relieve the ever-present burdening fear that overwhelmed her, suddenly, the door opened and a frantic Lucia came in.

Olivia stood before her and tried to calm the emotionally devastated woman, she repeated the information from her second in command, from there, they stood at opposite ends of Alexa’s bed.

Lucia smiled softly as she laced her fingers with Alexa’s, hours ticked by as they waited for the doctor to arrive, the nurse gave Alexa the epidural to alleviate the contractions, during this time, Olivia was glued to her phone; members of the squad gave frequent updates on the status of the investigation, then at that moment; Alexa’s doctor finally arrived.

“Alright, so are we ready to get this show on the road?”

“What’s going on with my fiancé? Is he going to be alright?”

“He’s in the OR, they’re taking really good care of him, but right now…we need to focus on delivering this baby”

With two other nurses on hand, Olivia and Lucia held up Alexa’s feet, the IV of Pitocin flowed through her system and progressed her labor. Another 10 minutes passed, the sounds of Alexa’s anguished cries mixed in with everyone else’s words of comfort and praise filled the small room.

“Alright, Alexa…you’re doing great, just keep pushing”

Her face shifted into one of agony as she bellowed, “Ahhhh…oh god!”

To Alexa’s left, Olivia was cooing, “You’re doing great sweetheart”

“Ok…the baby is crowning, got a nice head of dark hair”

“Ohhh…aarghh!”

Lucia consoled, “Oh, you are brave mamita”

It took one, two then three pushes until the room became silent except for soft cries emanating from below, collective gasps and smiling faces graced upon the tiny, squirming human being cradled in the doctor’s arms. She sat the little one on top of Alexa’s softened belly, with a cloth in hand, she wiped the placenta from the baby’s body, once the umbilical cord was cut; the doctor wrapped the baby in a blanket and brought her over to the table to perform the APGAR test.

When she finished documenting the baby’s measurements, she brought the pink little bundle of joy back to the bed and laid her on top of Alexa’s chest, as Olivia and Lucia looked at the new arrival with such joy, fresh tears slid down Alexa’s face, however, they were not the tears of joy of a new mother welcoming her child with open arms; the tears were for the welfare of her beloved Rafael. Unwanted thoughts of burying him at his funeral and raising their daughter alone invaded her subconscious, fight Rafael…fight with all your might, because there’s no way in hell that Nadia is going to grow up without her father.

Tagging: @madpanda75 @laceybellerain @southern-magnolia @tropes-and-tales @karens-imagined-world @teamsladsandgents @thatesqcrush @beccabarba @glimmerglittergirl @itsjustmyfantasyroom @madamsnape921

#rafael barba #raul esparza #love will find a way

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onthebirdroads · 5 years ago

Note

The Doctor! (if that's too vague, choose your favourite incarnation)

Wow this turned out really long 😂 enjoy! (And watch out for that rant in the middle)

How I feel about them:

Absolutely love them. As a character they've got so many different facets, across different incarnations and within the same incarnation, and that really makes for some interesting storytelling. They can be so kind and caring, but if you go against them they'll turn on you, and sometimes when put under pressure they'll just completely snap and their internal moral compass will go absolutely haywire (see, for example: the "Time Lord Victorious" mode that 10 gets into in The Waters of Mars). That kinda thing always gives me the shivers and I love it. They're also like.. way more "evil" than they'd care to admit, in some incarnations absolutely happy stand by while someone or something else kills their adversary. Again, makes for some really interesting character stuff

Romantic ships:

None whatsoever. The Doctor is 100% aro in every incarnation, imho.

Non-romantic OTP:

I've been really really enjoying the emotionally devastating relationship between 13 and the Master. It's just.. hooooo boy that's the good shit 🍹🍸. The Doctor needs someone who can challenge them in every way, and the only person who can really do that is the Master. And tbh the Doctor is almost as messed up as their best enemy, they're just less directly destructive and sadistic. And I'm really loving Dhawan!Master's style (not just fashion sense but in everything). I've just been like 😱 😭 this whole time and I love it. (Also holy shit LOOMS ARE BASICALLY CANON NOW YALL! That whole story was emotionally devastating and I loved it.)

I also think 7 and Ace make an interesting pair, although most of that comes from 7 being a manipulative piece of shit to her, so not really an OTP... good stories though 😂

Other than that I mean, I really enjoyed the way Donna dealt with 10, and I'd love to maybe see more of Romana, bringing her down-to-earth logical ways to bear on the Doctor. (I looooove Romana II but she probably won't be returning in the TV show, maybe another incarnation?) It would also be cool to see Brax... I bet he's managed to survive all of the numerous apocalypses that have happened on Gallifrey over the centuries. (Again not really an OTP but ehh, it's my post I do what I want.)

Unpopular opinion:

The Doctor is 100% aro in every incarnation. Yes even 10, yes even 13, Th*smin shipping please fuck off.

(Rant incoming 😂 I could put up with the existence of Th*smin shipping if people would at least fucking tag stuff accurately so I can avoid it. Romance repulsion can be really really painful; I literally could not interact with the fandom at all during 13's first series because the shipping was absolutely overwhelming, and all of it was shipping this character whose aromanticism is really fucking close to my heart and very very important to me. Like, this is pretty much the one single heavily aro-coded almost-canon character in any popular franchises, we're grasping for crumbs here and it kills me. And people tagging random stuff as Th*smin for extra exposure really didn't help, cause it meant so much non-ship content was filtered too. Best case never-gonna-happen-widely scenario for this kind of thing—still marginally more probably than people not shipping them with companions in the first place—would be people actually tagging stuff like romance and kissing, as well as any specific ship tags, so that us romance-repulsed aros can safely and comfortably interact with the rest of the fandom. But I'm not gonna hold my breath. Endrant.)

(Oh lmao I forgot River existed for a hot minute there... that was really nice while it lasted.... tbh I generally pretend the whole of series 6 just didn't happen. But yeah River/Doctor is absolutely off the table too, as is romantic Thoschei.)

One thing I wish would happen/had happened in canon:

Some kind of explicit confirmation that the Doctor is essentially non-binary and aromantic, by human standards, throw in ADHD too and I'd probably hurt myself stimming with excitement and joy.

On the NB side of things, a Doctor who uses they pronouns would be nice; that could be addressed by having the TARDIS like, automatically correct the pronouns people use or something, and them being like "??? The words that I just said aren't the words I actually said???" and then some brief explanation involving the translation circuits.

With ADHD, perhaps a companion who's ADHD themself just being like "obviously you're an alien so it doesn't really work the same but damn you're like how ADHD humans are".

And for aro literally just some offhand comment about how they've never really understood the concept of romance and why humans seem so heavily affected by it and attached to it.

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theradicalfishdoctor · 7 years ago

Text

Levihan Fanfiction Favorites

I know this is a little late, but thanks for 200 followers <3

I probably could never express in words how much I love these fics, and I apologize if my thoughts are a bit all over the place or don’t make any sense, but I just want to tell you guys why I love these so much as best as I can! (っ˘ω˘ς )

I literally had to stop myself from going into detail about why I love every sentence of all these fanfics.

Thank you authors for writing these masterpieces!

Not in any particular order:

Ocean Talks - by kindredghosts

One of my favorites of all time -This fic takes place after the events of chapter 90, and features Hange and Levi having a talk together after a year of avoiding each other over Levi’s decision to give Armin the serum instead of Erwin.

There were so many moments (and a few that made me laugh too) that really pulled on my heartstrings and I really hope a discussion of this sort is explored in canon.

Spoilers

I love how they portray Levi and Hange’s bond/relationship. Levi and Hange are so tense with each other at first, because of their lack of communication, but as soon as they open up to each other and are honest, they are back to their old selves again and start teasing each other like they always have. Having that talk and being honest with each other caused them to feel relieved and at peace, which I think really helps show how close they are. There are also many points in the fic where their understanding in each other and bond of trust is displayed which to me is something that is a crucial part of their relationship.

This piece also has one of my favorite fanfic endings as well it was too cute. And that ending dialogue “We will protect each other.” hits me in the feels every time I read it.

End of Spoilers

Aftermath - by just_quintessentially_me

I immediately knew after reading the summary, that this was going to be one of the best things I’ve ever read. This fic takes place after Bertholdt and Reiner reveal themselves as the Colossal and Armored Titan and attack the wall. Levi is on his way to the wall when poor Pastor Nick (understandably) confuses Hange as Levi’s wife when he sees him growing worried about her fate. This is a piece that really feels like a part of the actual series, and had comedic elements as well that were flawlessly written. They completely nailed the personalities of the characters which was amazing. The last thing I will say before the spoilers below is that this made me appreciate Pastor Nick on a whole new level.

Spoilers

First off, Levi’s utter disbelief and confusion with the pastor’s mistake and growing frustration when Nick just did not understand that they weren’t a couple was truly hilarious. Although the way Levi was worrying about Hange so much (which was adorable by the way) and how they always act like a married couple when they are together, I wouldn’t blame the pastor at all for thinking they were married. And actually in a way, the discussion between Pastor Nick and Levi kind of leads to Levi opening up and realizing his feelings for Hange.

When Hange finds out the pastor wants to marry them after he interrupted their couple-like discussion, Levi’s feelings are revealed. This moment made my heart burst because they both knew they loved each other, but the heart-breaking thing was that they simply could not bring themselves to say anything. They both are characters that aren’t good with words as is seen in the series. In the fic, they confess their feelings to each other using actions which I think is something that fits both their character’s perfectly. And they understand each other so they both know what the other means. Seriously though, another one of the most memorable things I’ve ever read is this part: “I’ve always-....she splayed her fingers where her palm rested, directly over his heart.” She couldn’t say it and neither could Levi, but Levi understands what she means and returns the gesture.

I love how Hange says that for them, it was a sort of proposal (my heart was hit with a case of the feels when Levi brought up the idea of having a private marriage ceremony), because Levi and Hange don’t have the luxury of being able to say “I love you” because of how their world is, but they don’t really need to because what they have is enough for them.

But seriously, Pastor Nick basically caused Levihan to be canon. Thank you Pastor Nick. (￣ω￣)

End of Spoilers

All of Me - by JulyStorms

In this piece, Hange encounters an unconscious Levi while fleeing from Titans. . She fights to keep them alive, and soon Mike arrives to help but he only has enough resources to save one of them.

Let’s just say this piece gave me an overwhelming amount of feels and has one of the most unforgettable scenes that I’ve ever read.

Spoilers

Hange knew she was going to die when she sent Levi with Mike, but she wanted so badly for Levi to survive, and begged Mike to save him. Hange’s desperation for Levi to live was really beautifully written. Man that's true love right there.(T_T) This scene was heartbreaking for me because of Levi’s helplessness. He was so injured that he didn’t have the ability to stop her. I personally see Levi as a character that strongly desires to have control in his life and I feel like the fact that he couldn’t do anything was devastating to him.

It hit me hard when Levi lost it after waking up in the medical wing. It was written so that you can hear the raw fear in his voice. He knew she wasn’t alright but he didn’t know what happened. When he found out she was presumed dead he wanted to go back to look for a body. (and her wings) And my lord it was so sad when Levi kept calling out to Hange as if he expected her to respond. That line where he announces she is officially dead; it was written so well because I feel like it shows that Levi is emotionally broken and struggling to retain his normal stoic composure.

The scenes where we see Levi struggling to deal with Hange’s passing are something that feel really impactful. The way I interpreted Levi’s feelings based on my own interpretations of him is that he has been so lonely his whole life that once his loneliness is replaced with feelings of love and comfort that if that were to be taken away from him it would break him, and I think that’s what happened to him when he believed Hange died.

End of Spoilers

Heart-bites - by Huntress_of_Life

This is a parental Levihan fanfiction from Levi’s p.o.v., in which he experiences a type of feeling he doesn’t know how to deal with.

Parental feels are something that really hits home for me. I remember looking for a piece like this for a long time, and this was so perfect, and so beautifully written that I was sobbing by the end of it. (and I don’t cry often) The characterization was just right and Levi’s anxiety and emotions could strongly be felt. Every time I read this piece I swear I start crying or at least tear up. I won’t say too much about this one, because I think the best way to explain why this is such a beautiful piece is just to go read it.

Spoilers

Levi has dealt with so much loss and pain in his life, that the pure joy he feels when his child is born clashes with his stoic mentality and he thinks something is wrong with his heart. I think the fact that he believes something is wrong with his heart also has to do with the fact that he had an extreme lack of affection as a child. He isn’t used to feelings of love. He is so anxious to confront his feelings, but when he thinks of Hange and their journey together, his walls start coming down, and his heart sings thinking about his new family.

Once he holds his daughter, he is completely relaxed, because he realizes his anxiety came from wanting to see her so badly. (This is the part where my floodgates broke) At the end Hange wakes up and of course she reads him like an open book, not only because their bond is so strong, but also because I can only imagine how happy Levi would look.

End of Spoilers

This piece was one of the most touching and precious things I’ve ever read, omg I’m internally crying just thinking about it

More Cute Levihan Fanfics

I apologize if I don’t have much to say about these, but I love them just as much <3

Never Normal with Us - by WhatHistoryForgets

Another Parental Levihan fic, in which the titans are defeated, and Levi just wants his children to have a normal life. And oh my lord I love this piece because I personally think that since Levi grew up in such terrible conditions that he’d work hard to make his children feel as loved as possible even though he may be pretty awkward about it.

also lmao I thought it was perfect how Erwin is the uncle figure

Turn - by ConfusedMuse

In this piece, Hange and Levi attend a military fundraiser ball and Levi sees a different side of Hange.

Amazing characterization for Hanjo in here

I really hope someone makes fanart of Hange in that uniform

When Forever Rolls on Through, I'll be Holding On to You - by LesboDyke

A piece in which Levi receives Hange’s jacket, and after a tragedy, reads through her journals. This fic ripped my heart out.

Spoilers

They were married ;-;

The way they said goodbye was just so… them. They’re such abnormals. (｡T ω T｡) It was perfect and cute and I died.

And then I loved the way Levi just knew something was wrong. I think it’s an Ackerman thing to have the ability to instantly know when their loved ones are in danger.

Another thing is that like in the manga, Hange is non-binary, and I love how when someone refers to Hange as a “she” Levi is quick to correct them. This ties into one of my favorite things about Levihan, (although everything about Levihan is great) that Levi and Hange have so much respect for each other, and that Levi wants to make sure that Hange gets the respect they deserve.

The ending killed me. (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ

End of Spoilers

Unexpected Fairytales & The Kitten Smith Chronicles - by raisedinthunder

I love raisedinthunder’s writing. ( ´ ▽ ` ) A ton of perfect fluffy fics to read after a bad day or just after reading a really sad piece. I reread these all the time because my gosh they make me so happy.

Dancing Under a Blue Moon - by Stratagem

Yet another Parental Levihan fic (I love these)

In this fic, Hange and their daughter work together to get Levi to dance with them

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS FIC WAS PERFECT

I feel like this piece really shows how much Levi’s family means to him. Also, I just wanted to mention that I died immediately when reading the beginning of this piece simply because they described the Levihan family as “The Ackermans” and I think picturing the words “Hange Ackerman” was too much for my heart to handle.

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emmaswanchoosesyou · 7 years ago

Text

CSBB: Part of the Narrative (12/17)

Emma Swan just wants to write the follow-up to her bestselling debut novel, that’s all. But when she gets off to a rough start with her new editor, Killian Jones, she knows it’s not going according to plan. Then, an unexpected figure from Emma’s past reappears and life begins to mirror the crime thriller she’s penning. Suspicion and secrets abound–but love might too. A writer/editor AU with a thriller twist.

Rated E. Includes sexual content, kidnapping, some gore, mild violence, and minor character death–not to mention salty language! On Ao3 here.

Chapter warnings: Confrontations, one main character striking another, lots of swearing, and a thing at the end

Buckle up, pals, shit’s getting real! Thank you so much to all of you who have been reading and commenting and waiting for things to get here, and to all of you who helped me get here. Thank you to all the wonderful ladies at @captainswanbigbang for all you’ve done to make this possible, and all the support you’ve given. Sophie @shady-swan-jones made the delightful banner and another photoset that I adore. Kayla @bleebug did some incredible art for the first and sixth chapters, which you can check out here and here. And all the love and thanks to Kris @sambethe for beta-ing this and making it a ton better. Like seriously, she’s the best.

[Ch. 1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11]

Chapter 12

Emma grapples with Killian's betrayal. She gets a lot of writing done, and she and Henry talk on the phone every day, but something is missing. They're on their way to reforging their broken relationship when the unthinkable happens.

Emma, a few days before upon discovering Killian’s and August’s involvement

Emma couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so livid. She was furious, so angry she was red and almost crackling with it.

Cleo held her back, tried to keep her from rushing right over to Killian's and punching him in the face. And then going to August and punching him twice. "Emma, think about it. Be smart, and don't let your anger get the best of you."

"Oh, they'll get the best of me. The best of my right hook," she growled, settling back into her couch.

Cleo snorted but shook her head. "Do you have any alcohol in here?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Let me get us some," she said, reaching for the whiskey and pouring generous portions for the two of them.

"After this...do you want me to give you a lift anywhere? Or do you want to talk about it?"

Grimacing, she shook her head. "No offense, Cleo, but the last thing I want to do is talk about my feelings right now."

"Understood."

&&&

Cleo left after an hour or so, during which time they polished off their drinks in near-silence, broken only infrequently when Emma had a question or Cleo remembered something pertinent.

Mindful of the alcohol she had consumed, Emma called a cab over to Killian's. She was still in a rage, still shaking, but she needed to talk, to yell, to see if he had any defense at all.

She pounded at the door. When Killian opened it with a smile and the tantalizing scent of pasta reached her nose, her resolve weakened for a second. Until he opened his mouth like nothing had happened, like he hadn't been lying to her for at least two months--

Her vision went red, and she slapped him. She felt a pang of guilt at that, but wrapped her anger around her like armor.

Killian implored her to stop, asking her what had happened, and the concern on his face made her even angrier. How dare he get to act like he hadn't done anything, like she was being irrational...

She stepped out of range of his grasp, not wanting his touch to weaken her, to tempt her to put this behind them. Emma waited until he closed the door before gritting out, "You were spying on me? What the hell, Killian? For August? What the actual fuck?"

She watched the color drain from his face, watched the guilt fall onto his shoulders and weigh him down. Mixed with the satisfaction of being right was the sharp sting of betrayal, the hurt of her trust in him being broken .

"I--wha--how did you find out?" Killian asked.

That now all-too-familiar rage settled about her again. "That's really what you want to know? How I found out?"

Killian reached for her again, and she pushed his hand away. Not forcefully, but she was still far too angry for the comfort of his arms.

He sighed. "I suppose that's not what matters now. I am sorry, though, I want you to know. I quit, I told August before our first date that I wouldn't continue to spy on you."

"Just...why? Why would you do that? Betray my trust like that?" Her voice broke, and this time her anger was for herself, for showing that he'd gotten under her skin.

"I...it was selfish, and wrong. I was trying to get away from a bad situation in London, and August offered me an out in exchange for my work and information on you. I didn't ask why, and he never volunteered a reason."

To her shame, she felt tears welling up, and she pushed them away as he continued to speak. "I stopped early on. I--I didn't count on you, Emma. You should know that. You swept through my life. You captivated me, mind, soul, and heart. I wouldn't--I can't begin to convey how sorry I am, but I also promise that I'd never hurt you or betray you again."

She drew in a deep breath, his declaration overwhelming her. It was like a punch to the gut, and she knew what she had to do. She could feel her heart breaking. She hadn't meant to get so attached so quickly, but--well, she didn't have a choice about it now, not if she wanted to remain true to herself, to do what was best for her. "Too late," she said. "I--I can't trust you anymore. You lied to me, and that--that's it for me."

He pleaded with her, and she tried to pull herself together as she assured Killian they'd still be able to work together as professionals.

As soon as she was done talking, Emma felt exhaustion creep over her, leaving her more emotionally drained than she'd been in years. She felt like someone had put her through the pasta machine sitting on Killian's counter, and she needed to leave. Now.

"Goodbye," she whispered, trying not to think about the devastated look on his face, or that she was leaving half her heart there with him.

&&&

The next week passed in a sort of fog, nestled between generous servings of ice cream and deliveries from Granny's. ("No, this isn't a thing we do for most customers," said Ruby, "but you're family so you get the onion rings with less effort and only a little colder than they'd be in the diner.")

Emma missed Killian more than she could have possibly imagined. She had been falling for him, that much was obvious. But beyond that, she hadn't realized how much of a friend he'd become. Somehow, he'd become the person she texted with weird things from her day or the bizarre writing thoughts she had. And she missed Killian texting her encouragement or pictures of cute animals. Or his thoughts about prominent literary figures and what kind of pajamas they probably wore.

At least she had Henry. Regina seemed to have found out that something had happened between her and Killian, and seemed more tolerant of the increasing frequency of calls between her and Henry. Finally, she even relented and consented to Henry spending a weekend with Emma.

She embraced the joy of having something positive to plan. There was relief too, that his visit in two weeks would keep her from moping. It wasn't a distraction, per se--how could her son ever be a distraction--but it kept her busy.

Emma was keen to introduce Henry to all her favorite Boston haunts, all the ones he'd be allowed into, that is. Until one day when she was talking about yet another thing she wanted to do, just one more museum she wanted to pack into his visit--

"Emma--Mom--you know I'll be just as happy if we don't do anything, right? Like, we can just watch movies and read comics and hang out. There'll be other weekends," Henry told her.

She let out a sigh of relief even as she felt a pang of disappointment. "Okay, kid. We can do that. Is Mario Kart still a thing, or...?"

He laughed, but they agreed, and she smiled, thinking about all that the weekend would bring.

Cleo was a big help, too. She invited Emma over for dinner with her husband and daughter, and she gratefully accepted, even if she did worry that it would be a little awkward.

It wasn't until she got an official email from Mills & Booth talking about the possibility of Killian being sent back to the UK--deported, and the necessity of having a meeting about the situation, that she really started to grapple with the new reality of her life and how awkward it could be. She had actually gotten some writing done during the week, and had sent it to Killian. Her tone had been professional, and she'd done her best to keep any sort of emotions out of the two emails she sent him. But it was her dinner at the Foxes' that brought things into focus. The meal had been pleasant enough, but it was obvious to all of them that Cleo had a lot on her mind.

Finally, during dessert, Cleo blurted out, "It's Killian. Apparently he's being deported. Immigration seems to have suddenly and 'randomly' found some mistakes in his paperwork."

Emma paled, her stomach dropping out from under her.

Just...no.

She might not be able to handle having Killian in her life romantically anymore, but the idea of him being gone, across the ocean? Forever? It was unthinkable.

She was barely aware of responding, but judging by the concern on Cleo's and Alex's faces, she had managed to say something. Then, bless her, Cleo told her that she was dragging her along to the meeting they were going to have about it at Mills & Booth.

&&&

She was distracted when he came into the room, too wrapped up in worry that Killian might leave permanently to actually notice him coming into the room. It wasn’t until he joined them on the couch that Emma started in surprise, but quickly schooled her features into something more neutral. She held her breath, waiting to see how the meeting, and Killian’s future here, might unfold.

Killian greeted the room awkwardly, and Regina was all business as they began. Cleo looked wary, and August had that punchable, smug look on his face. Though that faded as soon as Regina mentioned that a stay had been granted on Killian’s deportation.

Emma let out a sigh of relief and looked up, surprised. She hadn’t had a clue that Regina or Cleo were on top of this, at least not beyond knowing about it. She zoned out, only coming back when she heard August speaking. "First, I think we should really take a look at why Killian is here, and what he brings to the table. It might be easier to help you find a job back in the UK and just go with an American editor, or at least someone whose papers are in order."

"No!" Emma exclaimed, and everyone turned to look at her, with varying degrees of surprise on their faces

Killian’s face was a study in gratitude, and she had to look away. Instead, she stared August down. "No. Killian isn't replaceable. He's been a great editor, and his help and input have been invaluable. Changing editors at this juncture would have a very negative effect on the quality of my book, which I think we can all agree would be a bad thing."

"Are you sure you're not allowing your personal attachments to cloud your judgment, Miss Swan?" Regina asked.

"I am," she said, managing to keep her voice even as her heart twisted, "given that we've ended our personal association."

It was only then that she realized that maybe Regina hadn’t known before, if her raised eyebrow was any indication, but she seemed to like Emma more for defending Killian given their situation. Her expression warmed, sympathy glinting in her eyes. "Very well. So we can all agree that Mr. Jones is important for this novel--"

"--but we need to figure out whether his work on other projects is up to par. Otherwise, why bother with anything other than telecommuting?" August intejected.

Emma rolled her eyes so hard it hurt.

She clearly wasn’t the only one annoyed, since Regina’s scathing reply had him blushing. He recovered quickly, though. "I'm just trying to do what's best for Mills & Booth, and that includes maintaining a team that can work smoothly together. Is that really happening?"

"Yes," Emma said fiercely. It might not be entirely accurate at the moment, but she and Killian would get there. Hopefully.

But August didn’t look quelled, even through the subsequent exchanges. The reason for that became abundantly clear when the door burst open and Cora Mills strode in, poor Ariel trailing behind and desperately trying to stop her.

Cora Mills--Regina’s mother and the founder of Royal Hearts Publishing--was here. Regina didn’t look thrilled, but then, the feud between them--apparently related to Regina’s less-than-advantageous marriage--was well known in their circles. No one did, except perhaps for August.

The silence in the room stretched on before Cora finally broke it. "Hello, Regina. Your office is lovely, even if this is quite the collection of...professionals in it. Between the one in trouble with Immigration, the glorified beat cop, and the felon, I'm actually impressed Mills & Booth hasn't imploded already."

Emma felt her cheeks heat and rage pulse through her veins at the dig on her and the people she cared for. She leapt up from the couch, ready to fucking tackle Cora. Killian held her back, and Cora smirked. "I'd expect nothing less from an orphan of unknown parentage with a rap sheet.”

When Killian let her go so they could both fight her, Cleo was the only thing holding them back.

Then Regina spoke from where she’d made her way to the center of the room to stand in front of Cora. "Mother, what do you want? Or did you just come here to insult me and mine?"

"No, I came here with a proposition. Regina--and August, you both know very well I have plenty of contacts that could help fix Mr. Jones' little tiff with the authorities. And I'd gladly help promote Miss Swan's nove, if that's something you think is a worth cause," she said.

"But what do get out of it? I've never known you to do a damn thing for free," Regina said, looking more peeved than intrigued.

Cora replied, "I don't want anything but time with you, Regina. I've loathed being so cut off from my only child."

"How sentimental of you, and it might be more believable if I hadn't just seen a plan Mr. Booth drew up granting you shares in Mills & Booth."

Emma gasped and so did Killian, both of them shocked by this revelation.

Cora briefly tried to defend herself, but Regina told her to leave, clearly unconvinced by her mother’s motives. "Get out," she said. "And if you would kindly refrain from insulting my colleagues or bullying my assistant while you're on your way out, I'd appreciate it."

As soon as she left, they were quiet for a moment until Regina affirmed their commitment to getting Killian out of his immigration situation. They all nodded, except for August, who wasn’t meeting the glare Regina directed at him with one of his own.

They all left the room, one by one, not speaking to each other. Emma was aghast, floored at the entire meeting, but especially at the revelation that August was causing even more trouble than she’d realized.

&&&

Muttering to herself, she read from her screen. “Jacob looked from one side to the other, frantically trying to clear his head. But if his foster mother wasn’t responsible for taking him away… who was?”

Emma looked up from her laptop and pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. She reached for the coffee mug sitting on the side table as she pondered her next move. She had realized, much to her chagrin, that her original plan for the antagonist wasn’t as well-developed as she would have liked. It couldn’t be the foster mother--after developing the character, she just knew it wouldn’t work.

The leather of her chair creaked as she shifted, brow furrowed in thought. She had to think of something, but she was just so… stuck. Writer’s block was the worst.

She was interrupted from her “research,” which totally wasn’t going to be her perusing the Crate & Barrel website for hours, by a knock on her door. Puzzled by who it could be, she went to answer it. Through the peephole, she saw a deliveryman standing there with a bouquet.

“Emma Swan?” he asked as she opened the door.

“Uh, yeah,” she replied, gobsmacked by the arrangement of lilies and peonies that he hurriedly deposited in her arms before scurrying away. “Thanks, I guess?”

She took it inside and pried open the accompanying note.

Dearest Emma,

I cannot thank you enough for your supportive words during that hellish meeting. I know you're not particularly fond of me at present, and I don't blame you for that, but words cannot express how grateful I am that you stood up for me and my job.

I don't know what August's game or plan is, or how you want to handle it, but I'd like you to know that from here on out I am 100% on board with whatever you would like to do. If you decide you don't want to act, that's fine. If you decide you want to look into August's behaviour and reasons for spying on you, you need only ask and I'll assist you.

I owe you, and not just for sticking your neck out for my job and our partnership. I owe you for being the kind of woman who inspired me to step away from people like August, for being the kind of woman to remind me of what there is to live for. And whatever else I might be, I like to think I am at least a man of my word.

This isn't to make you uncomfortable, and if it does so, feel free to chuck this letter and the flowers. I made sure I had them sent to your home, since I wouldn't want there to be another floral mix-up like the one I heard about with Ariel a few years ago.

Thank you again, Emma.

Yours,

Killian Jones

Emma stared down at the letter, her eyes burning with unshed tears. One fell onto the page, blurring his signature. He had clearly written the note himself, and she was full of conflicting emotions.

On one hand, she wasn't afraid to admit it--she was still more than a little angry. But that anger was fading a little more each day as she realized the ways Killian had been manipulated into his actions. He still should have told her, but it was getting harder to hold onto her anger.

She wiped at the tear that had tracked down her face, once again noting how much she missed him. His silliness, his easy affection, the flowery speech…life was a little bit dimmer without all of it. She snorted as she read the last paragraph, the reference to her fiery reaction to Ariel's bouquet, one that she'd thought was hers, amusing her. Of course someone had told him about that.

Honestly, Emma wasn't sure she was quite ready to bring him back into her life. At least, not fully. She had a lot of other things going on, between the book, Henry, and now the August situation. But she could reply to him, lessen the tension between them.

She could at the very least do better than ignoring his gift and his note. Walking over to her sink, she reached in the cupboard for the vase she knew was up there gathering dust. She filled it with water and placed the bouquet on her kitchen table, smiling as she opened her email client to reply to him.

Hey, Killian--

Thank you so much for the flowers, they’re lovely. Peonies have always been a favorite of mine.

I’m not sure yet what I want to do about the August situation.Thanks for offering your help with whatever I decide.

I’ll be honest, I’m not ready to let bygones be bygones yet. Though I do miss talking to you and having you around. But I… well, I’m still not ready. Maybe I will be soon, though. Just give me some more time to work through stuff.

I do have some questions about my story. I think I’m kind of stuck, and I’m wondering how to proceed. I think I might have gotten onto the wrong track with my original antagonist, and I don’t know how to resolve it. Do you have any thoughts? (I’ll send you what I have, don’t worry.)

Thanks again for the flowers.

Emma

She thought about the rather abrupt ending to her note, but grimaced and hit send before she had a chance to overthink it. Drawing in a deep breath, she got up, more at ease and ready to work on completing Jacob’s story.

&&&

“Whoa, kid, slow down,” Emma said, laughing as Henry dragged her out of The Garden, chattering a mile a minute. It was Saturday, and he'd been with her for a little over a day at this point, and it had been one of the greatest days in her recent memory.

"But it was so cool! That final goal..." Henry said excitedly, jumping up and down as they made their way to the Bug.

She wrapped an arm around his shoulder, an affection stronger than anything she'd ever known rising in her as she pulled him close.

He grinned up at her. "So, grilled cheese? At that place where your friend Ruby works?"

"You've got it. And it's going to be the best grilled cheese you've ever had."

"Will there be hot cocoa?" Henry looked up expectantly.

Emma smiled back down at him. "Of course! Where do you think I first had it?"

They pulled up to the diner and slid into Emma's favorite booth. Belle nodded across the counter in greeting. "The usual, Emma?"

"Yep! And an extra for Henry here."

They unbundled, taking off their scarves and coats as they settled in. Ruby bounded out, her enthusiasm apparent in her every step.

"Hey! I've heard so much about you, Henry. I'm Ruby, one of Emma's oldest friends," she said.

"Indeed she is." Emma laughed. "And that lovely lady bringing us cocoa is Ruby's wife, Belle."

"Everything smells so good," he said. Wonder lit his face, and his eyes were wide as he took in his surroundings.

She smiled at him. "I don't think you'll be disappointed."

They chatted while they ate their food, Ruby and Belle joining them as they could. Henry agreed that the grilled cheese was excellent, but that he needed more samples for comparison's sake.

They were walking back into Emma's apartment when Henry asked her, "So where's Killian? You haven't said anything about him the whole time I've been here., He seemed cool, and you seemed like you liked each other. My mom even said you went to a meeting for him or something."

Emma stared down at him, bemused. "Did she now?"

"Yup. And no avoiding the question."

"Jeez, some people are determined."

He just looked up at her expectantly.

"Okay, fine. Um, yeah. We're not seeing each other anymore. No hard feelings, it just didn't work out," she said. And she meant it. Ever since she'd received the bouquet from him and replied, they'd resumed a tentative friendship. He sent her jokes he thought she’d find funny or the occasional small bouquet. She'd replied with thanks and funny stories of her own, and she knew her anger was gone a few days before, when she'd been walking to work. She had passed a little antique shop she'd walked past a million times before, but this time, she saw an old ship in a bottle in the window.

It had immediately made her think of Killian. She'd gone in and bought it without a second thought. Emma still hadn't given it to him, and she wasn't sure when she would, but she knew it meant the worst of her anger was over. She wasn't ready to get back together or to throw herself into his arms or anything like tha, but she wanted him back in her life.

Shaking her head, Emma pulled herself out of her reminiscing. "So… yeah. He's great. And I think we're friends again, maybe, but that's it."

Henry look at her dubiously, clearly doubting her protestations.

She shrugged. "That's just how it goes sometimes, kid."

She couldn't shake the feeling that she might have protested too much, especially when she heard Henry mutter, "Adults are a mess, ugh."

&&&

The rest of Henry's visit passed peacefully, the two of them enjoying their final day together reading comics, watching movies, and playing video games. Emma and Regina had managed a cordial discussion and farewell at the end as they made tentative plans for another weekend in a few weeks.

She was pulling the sheets from the couch where Henry had slept, considering how she needed to invest in a sofa bed if he was going to keep staying with her when she heard her phone buzzing with an incoming text message.

Killian: I heard through the grapevine that Henry was there this weekend. Hope it went well!

Emma smiled down at her screen.

Emma: Wow, it's almost like I told you about this weekend in my last email. :P But yeah, it did. I even got him to agree that grilled cheese from Granny's is awesome, although he has the nerve to say he needs to try others to be sure it's the best

The three dots appeared immediately, and she awaited his quick reply

Killian: He's clearly as feisty as his mother, haha

Emma: Which one lol

Killian: Both! Regina scares me a little, but I can't deny she's audacious and ambitious. And I have every confidence in your pursuit of the best grilled cheese

Emma: I always do get my sandwich

The conversation dwindled at that point, but Emma wasn't entirely surprised when a "surprise" delivery person appeared at her door the next day.

But instead of the flowers she was half expecting, it was a box. The person making the delivery just shrugged as she looked at them inquisitively.

She took it inside and opened it, reaching for the sheaf of papers inside the neatly presented box. And then she laughed, full-on belly-laughed. It was a subscription to a grilled cheese box--or at least, vouchers for grilled cheese at some of the places around town that were known for offering good, cheesy sandwiches.

Once she was done laughing, Emma didn't hesitate in taking out her phone and dialing Killian's number. "Hey, thanks for the grilled cheese," she said as soon as he picked up.

He laughed. "You're welcome, lass. I saw it and I couldn't help myself. I figured you and Henry could get some cheesy enjoyment out of it."

"And if Henry can't make it, you could come, if you'd like," she suggested, chewing on her lip, hoping he couldn't hear the complete uncertainty in her voice.

He paused. "What are you suggesting, Emma?"

"I...I think I want to be friends again."

"Truly?" He sounded so eager, and it tugged at her heartstrings.

"Yep. Do--do you want to come over and talk about it?"

Killian replied almost before she was done asking, "Absolutely. I'll be over soon. If you meant today, that is."

"Red rover, red rover, send Killian on over," she said, smiling even as the butterflies danced in her stomach.

&&&

It was an hour later when she let Killian in, and Emma muffled her laugh at how puppy-like he was in his earnestness.

“Hi, Swan. I didn’t bring anything. Should I have brought wine? I wanted to get over here as quickly as I could,” he said, eyes shining with hope, even as his ears were tinged in red.

Emma let out the laugh. “Okay, calm down, Jones. Just come sit on the couch with me.” She patted that cushion, and he sat next to her.

They sat in silence until he grew serious. “So…”

She nodded at him. “Yeah…”

“One of us should probably begin,” he said with the smallest quirk of his lip.

Biting her lower lip, she agreed. “And I think you should. I--I need a moment.”

“I don’t think I can apologize enough. For going behind your back, and lying about it,” Killian said hurriedly. The earnest look had returned, but there was something new with it--contrition.

“It’s just--I...I told you everything. You know it all, and you still lied to me.” Emma was getting incredibly annoyed at her newfound tendency to get choked up, and here she was, getting choked up again.

“I know,” he said, hanging his head.

She twisted her hands, looking down at her lap, and said, “I can’t do that again, you know?”

“And I can’t blame you for that.” He turned his gaze away from her and his shoulders slumped.

“But here’s the thing, I want to. I want to try. I miss talking to you, I miss being with you. And I want you,” Emma said, taking a deep, fortifying breath.

That hopeful look from earlier returned, even when he replied, “I’m sensing a ‘but’ in there, lass.”

Emma hesitated. “I’m really having a hard time with you lying to me and hiding things when I was vulnerable. You knew about Henry, you knew about prison, and you even fucking knew about Neal.”

“I told you about Milah and about the Navy.” He wasn’t quite defensive--no, it was more like he was pleading with her.

“But you neglected the part where you were keeping tabs on me, and where August was basically blackmailing you with your visa. I mean, Jesus, Killian.” She shrugged, shaking her head in disbelief.

Killian buried his face in his hands for a moment before reaching over and seeking to entwine their fingers. “I--well, like I said, I have no excuse. I--Is there any way we can move past this, though? Or, perhaps, through it?”

She acknowledged his question, tinged as it was with desperation, with a serious nod. “I mean, I think we can try, as friends? I’m willing to. Just...promise me, no more lies.”

“As friends? So we’re not together again? For lack of a better phrase. Or is it just professional?”

“Can we…take it slow? And figure it out as we go?” Her voice was tremulous, indecisive.

He bit his lip, looking conflicted. “Part of why I did what I did was that I didn’t want to get hurt again. And I still don’t much like the idea. It just seems to me that not doing a good job of figuring out what we are could lead to more miscommunication and pain, rather than less. And I don’t want that for either of us, Emma.”

“I care about you. A lot. But so much is going on right now, and I’m trying to figure out how my life works again,” she said, wincing at her inability to offer him reassurance.

“I think I can do that.” To his credit, he only sounded the tiniest bit sad. His mouth was turned down, and she could see pain in his eyes, but he tried to smile.

Emma threw herself into his arms, embracing him tightly. After a moment, she pulled back, chagrin clear on her face. Wincing again at the mixed signals she was sending, she asked, “Is this okay?”

“It only wouldn’t be okay if you didn’t do that,” he said, finally laughing a little.

She laughed. “That didn’t even make sense.”

“I know,” he said, still smiling.

&&&

Before she knew it, Henry was back for his second weekend visit. This time they had a chance to do some of the sight-seeing they hadn’t been able to the previous time. They even made it out to Cambridge for a visit to the Harvard Museum of Natural History, as per Henry’s request.

Henry was a smart kid, and he immediately picked up on the frequency with which she received incoming texts, and he was wily enough to peer over her arm and see that most of them were from Killian.

He shot her a more knowing look than any eleven year-old had a right to. “So you and Killian are friends again?”

She blushed and ducked her head, trying to hide her smile. “Uh, yeah, something like that.”

“Are you all back together?!” He was all but bouncing on his feet, eyes wide as he looked up at her.

“Not really. But he’s around again, and we spend time together,” she tried to explain.

And it was true, after a fashion. Emma and Killian were texting back and forth non-stop, and they’d managed two coffee non-dates. They’d talked about her novel and helped iron out some of the issues she was having with it, but they’d also debated the merits of the latest movies they had seen and which of them had found the cuter picture of cats and dogs cuddling with each other. Emma finally felt like her friendship with Killian was back on solid ground, and that they were potentially building the foundation for something more. She didn’t want to jinx it, but she felt like maybe after this they could last.

But she wasn’t ready to confide all of that to her preteen son. So she tried to change the subject back to him.

“So, about that math class of yours, Regina mentioned you’ve been having some trouble?”

He snorted. “It’s fine. I’m doing better, now that I have a tutor.”

“Well, that’s good,” she said with a smile. Remembering one of the issues he’d had a few months before, she asked more seriously, “What about that feeling you had about someone watching you a few months ago? Anything come of that?”

Henry screwed up his mouth, a line appearing between his brows. “Not really. Sometimes I still think… but no.”

“You’d tell me if you were in trouble, right?”

He let out a loud, aggrieved sigh. “Of course. I’d tell you and I’d tell Regina.”

“That’s what I like to hear.”

&&&

After a stellar visit, Emma drove Henry back up to Storybrooke. Their next visit would be able to be a little longer, with Henry having a break from school coming up. She dropped him off at Regina’s, and decided to head out as soon as she could, even though Henry expressed some interest in bringing her to the comic book shop. She begged off, having gotten very little sleep the night before between late night chats with Henry and texts from a certain British someone. Henry was disappointed, but said he understood. Especially when he started grinning when she mentioned the texts from Killian.

The drive back was long, lengthened slightly by the nap Emma took at one of the rest stops along the way. All in all, though, she felt happy. At peace. It had been a good weekend, and it felt like things were finally going her way.

She was nearing Boston when her phone rang. She normally would just wait and deal with it when she got home, but she raised her eyebrows when she saw Regina’s name on the caller ID.

“Hey, Regina--”

The other woman’s panicked voice cut her off. “Where the hell is Henry? He’s been gone since about fifteen minutes after you left!”

#cs ff #captain swan #csbb #cs au #cs mc ff #one of the things henry says is big mood #part of the narrative #amber writes

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mossflowermouse · 4 years ago

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this has been buried in my drafts since january. where did all those months go

[Some context for this one: I finished WCaHSS a few months ago and then vanished from Tumblr for a while as life got a bit chaotic. Everything in this post was written while I was reading the novel for the first time - I’ve reread parts of it since then and had more thoughts, but those will go in another post.]

Part three! In which I accidentally read the entire second half of this book in two days. (The first two posts, by comparison, were made up of things I’d written over the course of a couple of weeks.) The rest of the book can be divided neatly into “more or less happy, with some particular standout moments” and “emotionally devastating”, which is how I’m splitting up this part of the review. That way, at least there’s one post where (almost) everything is happy and (almost) nothing hurts.

In this part, various people narrowly escape danger, I realise exactly how much I don’t want Robert to die, and the shipping continues.

Chapter XXI

Like Maude, I don't know who to be most afraid for during the flight from Winchester. Everyone, probably.

Okay so there's been a very brief battle and Maude's side have lost very badly. Where is Robert. @ the narration and also history please let him be safe. I've become very attached. (Less worried for Ranulf because he was the point-of-view character for that bit, whereas Robert's rearguard was in the thick of the fighting and there was no mention of him. I'm genuinely reluctant to keep reading in case he's dead.)

...then I actually did end up taking a break for a few hours in an attempt to avoid confronting Schrodinger’s Robert, because if I don’t read the rest of the chapter then everyone is still okay.

Continuing to read and I can't even take comfort in the little Maude/Brien moment. Too much worry for Robert.

"[Adelina] gave Maude no time to dwell upon Winchester's fall and the men who might be dying even now on her behalf" the tension is killing me

Captured or slain. Brien's right, though, they probably would have preferred to take Robert alive. Fingers crossed.

THEY'VE GOT A PRISONER IS IT ROBERT

THE DESCRIPTION SOUNDS LIKE HIM MY HOPES ARE HIGH

ROBERT!!!

And it sounds like Matilda's planning to exchange him for Stephen. This really does seem to be the best case scenario.

Chapter XXII

Okay, now I can enjoy the Maude/Brien moments (and also feel sympathy for Maude's worry that Robert and co are dead)

Poor Amabel.

Awww, and Robert's negotiating for the freedom of the other prisoners. Have I mentioned how much I like Robert?

Miles is alive and safe! I'm glad. David's still missing, though.

Ranulf's back too!

So Robert's spent about a month refusing to be ransomed unless the other prisoners are released too. Also David's back in Scotland.

Amabel's contacted Matilda directly to make sure no harm comes to Robert (by threatening Stephen). I can't say this surprises me, though if Matilda plans to negotiate with her for Stephen's release it'll be interesting to see what's decided.

Chapter XXIII

Wow, that was quick. Immediate timeskip to the planned exchange.

Matilda and Stephen's reunion is really sweet.

Oh wow and William de Ypres being awkward seeing Stephen again because he's not sure if he's ever apologised in his life.

This entire scene is painful (Robert's return, his quarrel with Maude, her thoughts out on the battlements, and then the confirmation that neither of them believes she'll ever be queen)

XXIV, XXV

I like Maud. Her willingness to become Ranulf's co-conspirator/wingman is great.

Stephen's rumoured to be dying but I know his reign goes on for another ten years or thereabouts, so this isn't too worrying.

Yep, he's recovering.

This doesn't look good for Maude and Robert. Stephen's realised Robert's gone to Normandy and is planning various attacks to win the war.

As Stephen hoped, some of Maude's allies have left to protect their own lands.

And he's on his way to besiege Oxford. I genuinely have no idea how this will play out - Maude and co. seem to be fighting primarily for her son's right to rule now, so her capture wouldn't necessarily end the war, plus there's only...twelve?...years left of Stephen's kingship. On the other hand, even with the change of plans, Maude being captured could still be a major enough setback for her side that they'd lose completely. But they've got to come to some sort of an agreement eventually or Henry wouldn't succeed Stephen. Right?

Okay, they're in the city. This might actually work.

Wow. Oxford's been captured by Stephen. Now it's just the castle left.

XXVI

Oooh, the chapter's set in Normandy! Robert?

Not immediately Robert, but Henry! It's been a while since he's showed up.

Nice to hear about some of the drama in France too. I wonder if this is how Eleanor and Henry will end up meeting?

Robert's just found out from Brien, via letter, about the Oxford siege. Go and help, Robert. I trust you.

So everyone except Ranulf and Brien left Maude to go and defend their own lands. That did seem to be the case, but it's helpful (also frustrating) to get direct confirmation. I'm not surprised those two were the ones to stay.

UGH GEOFFREY. UGH. HE'S SO AWFUL ABOUT MAUDE.

Henry's saying he'll go to England and he's giving some pretty thoughtful reasoning (and is worried about Maude, my heart)

They're letting him travel with Robert!

Apparently the siege has gone on for three months. I'm now picturing Maude and Ranulf being endlessly frustrated by being effectively trapped with nothing they can do about it, Brien likewise being driven slowly mad by the fact that they're under siege so close by, and Stephen knowing Maude will absolutely refuse to surrender, but still spending the entire siege halfheartedly hoping that today will be the day it ends.

XXVII

At least Brien's managed to get word to Maude and Ranulf about the hoped-for Robert Ex Machina.

Maude's planning to escape! So that's what all the sewing was about.

I love all of this escape scene.

Hugh freely admitting that he thought they'd have no chance of escape makes it kind of heartwarming that he didn't hesitate to go with Maude.

They've made it to Wallingford! The guard's shock at Ranulf saying the Empress is there reminded me that nobody outside Oxford Castle knows about this - Brien's going to have some unexpected guests (I’m hyped to see him realise this), and I expect Robert and Henry will be relieved to hear what's happened too.

This entire scene is absolutely fantastic, where do I begin? This page in particular made me smile so much so just have the whole thing:

1. Maude actually gets to be happy for once, I’m so glad for her

2. YESSS MY SHIP. Cuddles? (ssshh yes I’m counting that as a cuddle, it’s ambiguous enough) Laughing? Smiling? Openly? YESSSS this is more than I could possibly have hoped for

Ah. I was so caught up in the joy of Maude's escape, I forgot she wasn't the only married half of this ship.

Ahahaha, Alexander's taking so much pleasure in telling Stephen Maude's escaped

Awww, Stephen not only let Minna go but gave back Ranulf's dyrehunds. I suppose even years of war haven’t been able to completely stop him being kind to his little cousin.

Robert? Robert!

Robert and Maude's hug :)

Maude and Henry :)

Brien :)

XXVIII

Aww, I'm really enjoying getting to see more of little Henry (or maybe that should be Harry).

Robert!!! Again, I'm so glad he didn't die at Winchester.

Also “that misbegotten hellspawn, Gloucester” is my new favourite phrase

Close escape for Stephen.

Has he really only been king eight years? It feels like more.

XXIX, XXX

Aww, Ranulf and Annora

Wait, was Monmouth's book on the kings of Britain actually dedicated to Robert? That's so cool.

I love that Ranulf has gone from helping these kids escape bandits to finding them a meal to escorting them to Cambridge to just bringing them with him. Also, I would like to state for the record that Geoffrey de Mandeville is terrible.

Wait. Maude just said she'd thought Ranulf was dead too. Who died. Oh god.

Miles. I'll miss him.

#as always there are points where I don't say much about particular scenes #not because there's nothing to say #but because I either can't think how to say it #or am too caught up in the book to remember to write #penmanblogging #iz.txt #this part contains some of my absolute favourite scenes in the entire book #and definitely some of the happiest #yes I'm biased #...if I don't post the next part do I still have to accept that certain people are dead?

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lizardkingeliot · 7 years ago

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Happy birthday, I hope you have a nice one!!! As for angst, I emotionally devastated myself all over again when I thought of them reuniting and being so overcome by joy, until Marcus mentions it was a message from God that brought him back, and Tomas sort of breaks a little, though he doesn't let it show. Because he thought if Marcus came back, it'd be for him- and if Tomas is just another mission, an obligation, then there's no guarantee he'll stay when it's over. Cue the miscommunication woes

Thank you so much!!!

Hoooo boy this is SO GOOD. Because I absolutely can see Tomas being that sort of insecure about why Marcus wants/needs him to begin with. After months apart, Tomas has basically decided he craves Marcus’ companionship outside of the teacher/student exorcist duo dynamic. He just wants his friend. And he’s too afraid to be upfront about it because he doesn’t want to push Marcus away now that he’s back, but it’s like walking on eggshells, never certain if he’s just a Mission for Marcus or something more...

Until the day he just can’t take it anymore and they are screaming in each other’s faces and Marcus just blurts out oH FOR FUCKS SAKE, TOMAS, I LOVE YOU! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE IT?!

And I’m not saying Tomas goes soft and squishy as a marshmallow in the middle of summer but he definitely melts right then and there and winds up in Marcus’ arms where he receives the petting of a lifetime.

#logicalbookthief #tomarcus #otp: pray with me #the exorcist

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zire-7 · 7 years ago

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A Totally Biased Review Of Superstition

Oops...I had planned on writing a review for this one a couple weeks after its release, like I did with HAS; though its not like I'm getting paid to write a review. Anyways, there was a drama shitstorm involving a good friend of mine, she is not a fan of TBM, and I've been too busy almost dying to write a review. Now I find myself desiring to once again extol the virtues of The Birthday Massacre. (To anyone who read my last review, [http://zire-7.tumblr.com/post/33486561723/a-totally-biased-review-of-hide-and-seek] yes I was just as emotionally destroy and gutted with Superstition as I was with HAS

)

I..LOVE. IT. Even after 3 years of listening, I still find myself listening to Superstition. Its definitely got hooks, both lyrical and instrumental, as well as a new magical fairy tail esque world that is brought to life. Or, perhaps its a deserted island in the same world that N&N, Violet, WWS, PAN, and HAS, belong too.

Without further ado, the songs....

Divide

The opening is deceptive of the song's imagery, the song is haunting and uplifting at the same time. Like finding yourself stranded on an island but with a loaded flare gun. Except there's one flare and no one around to see it. Chibi's voice is enchanting, when isn't it, but this time its like the call of a Siren.

On the bridge (I think its the bridge? I don't know.) there is growling as we've heard in Blue and Down. And I do believe either Rainbow or Falcore are singing backing vocals, it could be Nate, it brings a little something extra to the song. The synths, drums, guitar, and bass are softer throughout the verses, building to a crescendo for the chorus before getting softer again. Of course there's the wicked awesome guitar solo and instrumental interlude. Two words, Bass drop.

Favorite lyrics: In the night, we dance with our devils and dine with the snakes. The dead will stare in joy and despair – rising up, away from the earth, and into the clouds.

Rating: 1000. It is an excellent opening song that sets the stage for an even more excellent album.

Diaries

The synths are strong with this one, but it does amazing things for the chorus and with clear vocals...this song was and is a fast favorite. The drums in combination with the synths makes your body move to the music; you'll find yourself singing along too. (I've certainly caught myself nodding my head many, many times when it comes on.) I'm not sure what a song needs to have, to be classified as an 'Anthem' but it is one. The bridge is amazing. The instruments are a kick to the face and the vocals trap you in a desolate frame of mind.

Favorite Lyrics: We were strangers when I believed I could wake up from this dream. As life goes on, I know that time will tear us apart and take you away. And when your gone, I'll wake up with a hand on my heart and a foot in my grave.

Rating: 2000. Its catchy, the lyrics will get stuck in your head, and its bleeds beautifully into the next song. It wouldn't be a TBM album without a few songs that bleed into each other.

Superstition

Okay, so this is one of those songs that you will listen to until your ears bleed and not even that will stop you from listening. I'm not kidding, its got the synths, very strong drums, guitars, powerful vocals, backing vocals by Rainbow(always great), it is very much a 'burn the witch at the stake' anthem of pure and utter BAMF-ness.

It will transport you to the mid 19th century (1800s, cause you know, the 20th century is the 1900s. I know its weird) during the Salem witch trials, only the witches are taking names and kicking people in the face. It is in my top five favorite songs from TBM. With each chorus the music gets more intense and keeps on going. The instrumental version of this song is just as enchanting as the version with vocals...I could go on forever about this song's 'ka-pow' and 'BAMF-ness'.

Favorite Lyrics: He stops me when I'm starting to pray. He says. “Intuition is awakening suspicion.” He says, “My tradition is the art of superstition.” I wake up in the light of a fire, eyes burning like the ashes in submission to the heat of desire. He tells me not to preach to the choir.

Rating: 300000. A. Totally. Biased. Review. Of. Superstition. I can do what I want...but in all seriousness, its a fantastic song. Also the 'jam session' music video for it, is amazing!

Destroyer

Its not exactly a bleed in from the other song but at the end of the previous one, it goes quiet and then bass. An excellent opening to this destroyer of eardrums (:D, see what I did there.). This song will break your eardrums if you crank it to max volume and if you don't, you won't get the impact. Ugh...the synths are so on point(This band definitely knows how to Synth or be techno...whatever).

On the vocal front, they open with a louder growling whisper; image the whispering of the Happy Birthday verses' and a dash of the harsh growling in Down. Though, Chibi mixes both hard and soft tones throughout to devastating effect. The masterful accompaniment of the drums, synths, bass and guitar enhances it even more.

Favorite Lyrics: Making wishes for me. Causing calamity. The only solution, abandons me. This a tragedy. I meet with it gratefully. Its my execution, and you're joining me.

Rating: 4000. It adds another layer to Superstition's story of a witch hunt. (In my opinion)

Surrender

I'm going to level with you, I hate the opening of this song so, so, so much. I just, the heavy panting breaths, in combination with the warble-y synths is off putting. It makes me not want to listen further. However, the the first verse is a work of art and is reminiscent of Midnight's 'kick to your eardrums' vocals. Its great. In fact, the verses are masterful and beautiful, the rest of the song has its good things and things I didn't like(I'm sure there are other TBM fans that liked them.).

Good things: haunting lyrics, an even more haunting melody during the verses, and its enchanting imagery. Things I didn't like: the weird breathy tone for some refrains, as well as those at the beginning and ending of the song, and the weird warble-y synths. (Usually I like how well TBM uses synths but not in this song.)

Favorite Lyrics: Tonight they're calling out your name. A light across the river. They're coming for you. Let me in and I'll explain. So dark outside here, I'm afraid I'll disappear. I know you're in there. I sense your fear.

Rating: 500. Unless I'm in the mood to listen to this song, I will skip it.

Oceania

The. Synths. Are. So. On. Point. They mesh so well with the vocals (also so on point) that make this song catchy AF. I lied, Diaries has got nothing on this song. You'll will sing along and you will dance to the beat. It has energy and its energy will give you energy. The lyrics weave a tale of a shipwreck in the Bermuda triangle and three kids wash up on an island with memory loss. Their memories create ghosts that drive the kids crazy. It also could be where they album art work comes from. This song's hooks are definitely Chibi's voice, I have no words.

Favorite Lyrics: A slight of hand to make us blind. Our past life shared, we left behind. When tomorrow comes, there'll be no end in sight. Home is something I'll never know. It's where I wanted to go. Cause in the world below, I was always alone.

Rating: 6000. This will transport you to another world.

Rain

Ugh this song is too perfect for words. The instrumental sections of this song are exceptional and make up for the slim vocal presence. The vocals that are in it, are mind blowing and cast a spell over you. Or its the Fae queen being described that does it...oh yeah we're all enthralled by a Fae queen. (I regret nothing!). There is an instrumental version of the song that is kick ass too.

Favorite Lyrics: Praise the truth come to light. The valley of night she gives to me, from her empty heart. By silence and shame, the poison and pain flows over me.

Rating: 7000. Repeat for days.

Beyond

Same thing with Surrender, I don't like the opening. When the music hits my ears, my soul screams: SKIP. I love the powerful delivery of the bridge's lines though...so much yes. The verses are good too, but not as good as that bridge. The vocals on the bridge and the verses, and the drums are the only things I like about it.

Favorite Lyrics: Out into the dark I stared, out there, at the edge of the world. I made a promise to never grow up and forget all the days here, when I was so young.

Rating: 800. I'll listen to if I'm in the mood, but it gets the boot like Surrender when it comes on more often than not.

The Other Side

We have another bleeder, Beyond fades into a howling wind that devolves quickly into organs(like a giant piano, not the parts...though a very legit and fair assumption considering its TBM.) Was/is anyone else reminded of Phantom of the Opera during the opening of this song? Cause there's where my mind instantly went. Everything in this song is powerful, the lyrics, the synths, the instrumental interludes, and just everything!

Without an instant favorite. I also get a very nord/viking vibe from this song. It reminds me of a winter-y wasteland and the Night King from Game of Thrones. I would happily listen to this song until my ears bleed.

Favorite Lyrics: Let me show you the way through the water. You don't have to explain yourself. Turn your face to the stars. I see you smiling. In summer I drowned you. In winter I found you.

Rating: 9000000 (Over 9000). I must have listened to it at least this many times already.

Trinity

The transition into this very alluring melody from the intensity of The Other Side is very unexpected but welcome. Though I don't like the high 'trumpet-y' synths in the middle. Other than that its a good instrumental track from TBM to close this album.

Rating: 1000. It gets more listens then the other two songs and isn't skipped as often.

Score:

All the awards!

Why you should listen to it, why you should go listen to it for the millionth time, and why its still has such a strong pull over me even after three years.

I am unable to escape from Superstition's magnetic pull. Every time I've listened to it, I fall in love with it all over again. Its full of mesmerizing lyrics, angelic and demonic vocals, kick ass drums, bass, synths, guitar, and soul; you name it, its got it. (Could just be my fan-ness talking...) There are things I dislike about it, but those things don't impact my desire to hear it. I still have 'Superstition' days. You know those days, the days where nothing is going right and your stressed AF. On those days you come home, change out of your monkey suit, and blast your favorite record. That record makes everything better.

Superstition is my second favorite album from TBM. (Violet will always be my #1. Not only did it introduce me to TBM, it has my favorite song on it.) I hope anyone who is new to TBM or is interested because of this review, will give this gem a shot. I certainly have no regrets from spending months on end listening to it.

#The Birthday Massacre #album review #Superstition #music

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yellow401 · 6 years ago

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In His Defense, Evan Already Hated Himself

I remember the first time I listened to Dear Evan Hansen, really listened. Up to that point, I had heard snatches of it here and there. It sounded catchy, but I was under the impression that it was a bit too first-world-problemsy for my taste. Oh, no, an angsty teenager is angsty! More touchy-feely musical theater that wouldn't interest me.

I'm not a huge musical theater listener, but my wife does have a couple of Pandora channels that delve into modern musicals (don't knock doing family history to the Hamilton mixtape 'til you've tried it). So it was that one day when my house was unusually quiet (the children not being at home) I was in the room when "Waving through a Window" came on Pandora. I listened:

I've learned to slam on the brake

Before I even turn the key

Before I make the mistake

Before I lead with the worst of me

and I thought, oh no. Oh no. I like this. I really, really like this.

Give them no reason to stare

No slippin’ up if you slip away

So I got nothin’ to share

No, I got nothin’ to say

I was unmade. I was not okay. If Dear Evan Hansen was too first-world-problemsy, then so was I, because Evan Hansen's problems were my problems. I identified with Evan Hansen on a level I wasn't comfortable with. I wasn't okay for days. This was middle-school me, sung by someone with a much better vocal range than I had, but it was exactly how I felt. Exactly. And I suddenly understood why so many people were going cuckoo for this musical. Because I was hooked.

I listened obsessively to the music. I wept. I apologized to my family for not treating them well enough. I've referenced it every time social anxiety comes up in conversation. It's been go-to listening for me when I'm in a bad mood ever since. It speaks to a part of me that I didn't know still existed. I've since graduated high school, and college twice; I successfully interact with scores of people each day at work. I can have the whole room in stitches when the mood is right. I regularly teach classes and give talks at church. I have three kids, a house, and a minivan, and we go to CostCo in our minivan, and I wonder what happened to my life as I'm loading boxes into the back of the minivan--but underneath all that, it turns out, is still a scared, socially anxious teenage boy. I've learned to deal with him, even befriend him, but he's still there, and Evan Hansen's words might as well be his. I didn't realize he was still there, but I feel more whole now that I can recognize that fact.

Because, for me, Dear Evan Hansen is ultimately a story about healing and forgiveness. In explaining why, I'm spoiling everything but the last thing--so if you aren't familiar with the plot, you could go listen to the music for free on the official Dear Evan Hansen YouTube channel. That's a good start.

When Connor Murphy tragically takes his own life at the beginning of his senior year in high school, Evan Hansen must overcome his crippling social anxiety and self-doubt to make sure his best friend's life is not forgotten. Nobody knew Connor and Evan were friends, but after Connor's family finds a note to Evan in his pocket and Connor's name written on Evan's cast, they learn the story and welcome Evan into their lives. With his friends Jared and Alana, Evan launches the Connor Project, a school-wide initiative dedicated to preserving Connor's memory. Evan speaks at the school assembly about how Connor was there for him when he broke his arm the previous summer. His story goes viral, softening hearts and driving home the message to people all over the country that no one ever has to be alone, or as the song puts it, "You Will Be Found." Evan gains confidence, finds love, and learns that he matters—he can make a positive difference in the world.

Except that it was all a lie. Connor and Evan weren't friends at all. A set of unfortunate coincidences combined with Evan's abject inability to stick up for himself leads to ever more convoluted manipulations of reality. The suicide note Connor's family found? A therapy letter from Evan to himself. Connor being there for Evan and taking him to the hospital after he fell? Nope—Evan was alone, and his boss drove him. And so it goes—Evan digs himself deeper and deeper; the cracks begin to show in his story and he becomes increasingly desperate to hang onto what he has gained. His efforts backfire: the original "suicide note" gets shared online, prompting a frightening internet backlash against the Murphys.

Evan finally comes clean to the Murphys in the song "Words Fail." He makes a last-ditch effort to explain why he let the lie go on for so long: he wanted to be part of the Murphys' perfect family.

I guess . . . I thought I could be part of this

I never had this kind of thing before

I never had the perfect girl who

Somehow could see the good part of me

I never had the dad who stuck it out

No corny jokes or baseball gloves

No mom who just was there

‘Cause mom was all that she had to be

This hail Mary fails utterly—the Murphys all walk out without saying a word. It is here that some critics have taken issue with the story, because they believe Evan got off far too easy. There is no retaliation, no public humiliation in store for Evan Hansen, just silence and loneliness. Evan manipulated the lives of Connor's grieving family for his own benefit, including dating Connor's sister, Zoe, on whom he's always had a crush. He manipulated the sympathy of other students and many people on the internet for his own fame and gain. He ruined his relationship with his hardworking single mother because he wanted something better. And his defense for this is that he didn't come from a loving, stable, two-parent household? That's it? Screw you, Evan. And screw all the fans of the show for being taken in by all this.

I understand where these critics are coming from, but I think they are wrong. I think this is because they hate themselves insufficiently to truly understand Evan Hansen.

Previous to his confession to the Murphy family, Evan has been conversing with the demons in his head via Imaginary!Connor, who has visited him before under happier circumstances. Connor mocks Evan's desire to come clean, stating that Evan can't even be honest with himself and reminding Evan that if he confesses, he will lose everything he has gained by lying. He will be all alone. And indeed, when the Murphys all wordlessly walk away from Evan's confession, the light slowly goes out on Connor as well, and Evan is left alone onstage to finally indulge his self-hatred.

I use the word "indulge" deliberately, because it matches my own experience. In our society, we are often encouraged to "stay positive" and to "believe in yourself." There are expectations that we will react positively to certain events deemed "good" and negatively to others deemed "bad." These expectations are not in and of themselves evil, but can break us as it is simultaneously exhausting to keep up appearances and unrewarding to be honest about our situation. For example, last year when we found out we were expecting a child, the traditional response was presumed to be one of joy. But we were also worried because the doctors had identified potentially life-threatening complications with the baby. It ultimately became too tiring for me to pretend to be excited about the baby or explain away why I wasn't, so I wrote a sappy email to my co-workers explaining some things. And it was awkward, and I'm sure it was TMI, but it was much easier emotionally after that, because I didn't have to pretend anymore.

Easy for me to say. But Evan is seventeen and has been pretending one way or another for most of the show while hiding his true insecurities and dark feelings from a world he has found through experience will be unsympathetic. After all the whirlwind of emotions and changing relationships as Evan became someone he wasn't, after ignoring all the lingering feelings of guilt and inventing ever-more-complex fixes for growing inconsistencies, after being "encouraged" to be positive by his mom and lifted up as a viral example to a fickle society, it must feel good to let it all fall away and just sit and HATE himself for a while.

Because here's the thing. Evan already felt that way about himself.

Make no mistake, Evan has effed up pretty bad by this point. But all this is just that he has found a particularly good reason to hate himself today. Even if he hadn't been involved in a large-scale deception involving the family of a classmate who took his own life, he would have found some minor error to loathe himself about. The lines

I never meant to make it such a mess

I never thought that it would go this far

could have been sung, for all we know, about the fact that he had an awkward conversation with Zoe at the beginning of the show. I know I've beaten myself up at length before for things that would be embarrassing to admit because of their triviality. I have practiced no large-scale deception, but the other day at work when I was discussing an upcoming unpopular decision, I sardonically said, "I've spent some time alone in the dark thinking about this," and one of my employees said, "Calm down, Evan Hansen."

So Evan is left alone in the dark to sing his anthem to self-loathing:

This was just a sad invention

It wasn't real, I know

But we were happy

I guess I couldn't let that go

I guess I couldn't give that up

I guess I wanted to believe

'Cause if I just believe

Then I don't have to see what's really there.

No, I'd rather

Pretend I'm something better than these broken parts

Pretend I'm something other than this MESS that I am,

'Cause then I don't have to look at it

and NO ONE gets to look at it

No, no one can really see

including a devastating reprise of the words he sang at the beginning, with soft piano and guitar-as-percussion replaced by passionate strings and devastating silence:

'Cause I've learned to slam on the brake

Before I even turn the key,

Before I make the mistake,

Before I lead with the WORST of me.

I never let them see the worst of me!

'Cause what if ev’ryone saw?

What if ev’ryone knew?

Would they like what they saw?

Or would they hate it too?

(emphasis Ben Platt's)

All has come crashing down. "The mistake" is no longer an abstract concept. It's just as he feared, just as the Connor in his head warned him. Or is it? At the end of "Words Fail," Evan finally confronts his real self:

Will I just keep on running away from what's true?

All I ever do is run

So how do I step in

Step into the sun?

Step into the sun

Evan goes home, where it turns out the demons in his head were wrong about one thing. Evan's not alone. His mom is there, and she's figured everything out. But despite Evan's asserted fear to the contrary, she's not mad at him. In fact, she apologizes for not being there for him when he most needed her. She sings him a song about the day his dad left, ten years before—a song that would make me ugly cry even if I'd just been handed a check for ten million dollars. (As an eclectic pal of mine remarked, "What do [people] mean, 'He got off too easy?' He's been punishing himself for the last ten years!") She promises him this will one day all seem like a distant memory. Evan just walks away, as she says, "You'll see. I promise."

So begins the redemption of Evan Hansen. Most of the rest of his redemption is shown off-camera, because it's not actually all that important just how it happens. There are plenty of other stories about how someone is redeemed, and we can assume it was heavy work for Evan to confront his demons and face life as a real person instead of a constructed one. Rather, we are granted a glimpse into life a year later that shows evidence of progress, but also an act of forgiveness. Because forgiveness, as I mentioned 1,666 words ago, was actually the point.

It's clear from Evan and Zoe's conversation that it's been a hard year—they both admit it out loud; Evan hasn't been on speaking terms with the Murphys since his confession; he's never even seen the orchard he spent so much time talking about earlier in the story.

But there's also evidence of progress. Though Evan is feeling a range of emotions here, being intimidated by Zoe isn't one of them. Their conversation is bracingly honest. Evan's working in retail—so much for social anxiety! And when he starts another therapy assignment, the letter he writes is as to a friend: ". . . today, you're you . . . And that's . . . that's enough." He's clearly not done progressing, but he accepts himself, which was unthinkable at the beginning.

None of this should really be a surprise. Even in middle of all the lies, the fear Evan overcame when he spoke to the school assembly was real, and the relationships he formed were real while they lasted. The message of hope he shared resonated with thousands because it is, in fact, a message many of us need. Even though it didn't go well, he's been able to stand up to people, including the "voices in [his] head." Even in the midst of his despair, Evan has grown and can find new strength to stand.

And it is enough, honestly, that Evan's progressing, because who didn't have something to regret or move on from, here? Larry and Cynthia Murphy, whose marriage was on the rocks and who were deferring their guilt over the loss of their son by replacing him with Evan? Heidi Hansen, who flaked out on her son so many times he's not even surprised by it anymore? Jared and Alana, who each had their own personal reasons for prodding Evan further down the path he was on?

No, I'll tell you who—Zoe. Zoe, who got treated like trash by her brother and was told that it was she who needed to be more “constructive” with him; Zoe, who reached out to loser Evan in compassion when he got shoved to the ground; Zoe, who forgave her brother as soon as Evan mentioned that they said nice things about her; Zoe, who assured Evan that he was relationship material even as he apologized for apologizing. There's a poignant irony in the fact that Evan spent the whole show trying to build up Connor, who shoved him to the ground, who freaked out at his therapy note, as a nice guy, as his secret best friend; but it's ultimately Zoe, who was only ever good to Evan and who was truly hurt by his lies, who shows Evan the orchard, who tells him that everything turned out all right in the end. It's a small glimpse, but Zoe's act of forgiveness toward Evan ultimately shows us that everything can turn out okay.

If there's a moral to the story for me, it's that everything turned out all right—but maybe it didn't have to happen at all. It's hard to imagine how Evan would have gotten himself out of the mess he was in, knowing what we know about him, but we aren't him; we don't have to be him. We can stick up for ourselves. We can speak the truth, even when someone desperately wants it to not be true. We can take a good, long look at ourselves and accept ourselves for who we are—and we can work to change ourselves and our circumstances rather than simply pretending to be something we're not. Unfortunately, it won't be enough to "just believe [we] can be who [we] want to be," but it will be infinitely better in the end when we do achieve lasting improvements in our lives.

And we can reach out to the Evans in our lives. It turns out that, as much as teenage me identifies with Evan Hansen, 34-year-old me is closer to Heidi. I have three beautiful children that miss me when I'm not home and pester me when I'm on my phone. I can "just gimme a minute" my son out of playing a game together until it's past bedtime unless I consciously make an effort not to. The stresses of my day don't matter to my kids. They just need to be loved (and put back to bed 1,000 times, which is an expression of my love for them, I guess). I am, against all probability, a leader in my own congregation, and the responsibility is partly mine to help these people feel God's love and understand they don't need to be a different person to be a better person. I'm not a licensed therapist, but people do ask my advice about being gay and a Latter-day Saint, and I hope I'm helping them get their questions answered in such a way that they loathe themselves, maybe, a bit less when we're through. I've received much and now I must give much, probably for the rest of my life.

When I hear Evan sing "And oh, someone will come running," I weep inwardly with weariness at the thought that I have to be the one who comes running, and that there are so many people "broken on the ground." And then I have to look at myself honestly, make sure I am not "[running] faster than [I have] strength (Mosiah 4:27)." What can I do? So little. But it's something. "And that's . . . that's enough."

(Thank you, Evan Hansen.)

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dreamlover31 · 8 years ago

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Love Will Find a Way: Chapter 34

Sirens blared followed by flashing red and blue lights, two teams of EMTs sprung from adjoining ambulances, with gurneys on standby; the first team worked to stabilize Rafael while the other attempted to get Alexa onto the other across from him. She resisted one of the female EMTs, pleading with her that she wanted to be at his side, then from her peripheral vision; she spotted a dark four door vehicle pull up to the scene. The driver side door opened and a woman dressed in a dark trench coat with black jeans and boots emerged, it took only mere seconds for Alexa to realize that it was Olivia, the headstrong lieutenant pushed through the crowd until she came upon a hysterical Alexa about to punch out the EMT, Liv flashed her badge and asked what the situation was.

“We got a call about a shooting at this location…”

“They shot Rafael…Olivia, they shot him,” Alexa shouted as tears rolled down her cheeks, suddenly, her face scrunched up when once again, a sharp pain ripped through her stomach.

“What’s wrong?”

“Her water broke, and she’s refusing to come with us”

Olivia nodded, “Ok, Alexa, you need to go with these people…you’re going into labor and you need immediate medical attention”

“I can’t leave him”

“He’ll be right behind you, I promise”

Alexa stared into Olivia’s eyes, the internal conflict communing inside was palpable through her dark brown orbs…What am I going to do, we would always tell each other that nothing can tear us apart…that no matter what, we’ll always be together…but as a parent, I have to put my child’s needs ahead of my own…and deep down, I know that’s would Rafael would have wanted, with a nod, the EMTs helped her on to the gurney and lifted it into the ambulance just as the rest of the squad was arriving. Olivia took a moment to brief her team, she ordered Carisi and Rollins to collect witness statements while Fin coordinated with CSU, in the meantime, she would ride along with Alexa to the hospital, before they had a chance to voice their agreements, Olivia hopped inside the ambulance and sat next to Alexa as the doors closed behind them.

As soon as it drove off, the second EMT team carefully placed Rafael on the gurney and loaded him onto the second ambulance, when it left the crime scene, Fin and the others carried out Liv’s instructions. Meanwhile, Alexa started to moan and groan in pain, her contractions were coming in strong but words of encouragement and comfort from Olivia flowed throughout as the emergency vehicle dodged traffic to get their distressed passenger to the top medical professionals in the city.

The ambulance pulled up in front of the double automatic doors of the emergency room at Mercy Hospital, the doors flew open, Liv stepped out first then let the EMTs haul Alexa out of the vehicle. She immediately rejoined her and with their hands interlaced, followed them inside, the female EMT shouted to the on-call nurse that they had a woman in labor, within a matter of seconds; she leads them into a room where Alexa was hooked up to monitors and was notified that her OB was headed down.

“What’s going on…where’s Rafael?”

“He’ll be here soon, I’m going to call Fin and find out what’s going on”

She reached into her right jacket pocket and pulled out her phone then began dialing, after two rings, Fin picked up.

“Hey, what have you got?”

“CSU picked up some shell casings along the curb and they found some tire treads in the same area”

“Alright, what did you get from the witnesses?”

“No one saw the shooting, but one guy said he saw a black Escalade drive off just right after it happened”

“Ok, see if there are any security or traffics cams that might have caught something…what about Barba?”

“Ambulance drove off right after you did, should be there any second”

“Ok, thanks Fin”

After she hung up, Olivia informed Alexa of the update from Fin, but it failed to relieve the ever-present burdening fear that overwhelmed her, suddenly, the door opened and a frantic Lucia came in. Olivia stood before her and tried to calm the emotionally devastated woman, she repeated the information from her second in command, from there, they stood at opposite ends of Alexa’s bed.

“Alright, so are we ready to get this show on the road?”

“What’s going on with my fiancé? Is he going to be alright?”

“He’s in the OR, they’re taking really good care of him, but right now…we need to focus on delivering this baby”

Her face fell, as much as she wanted to relish in the thought that her precious little one was about to come into the world, it just didn’t feel right without Rafael, from that point on, everything went from zero to sixty; the doctor washed up and put on her scrubs and latex gloves. With two other nurses on hand, Olivia and Lucia held up Alexa’s feet, the IV of Pitocin flowed through her system and progressed her labor. Another 10 minutes passed, the sounds of Alexa’s anguished cries mixed in with everyone else’s words of comfort and praise filled the small room.

“Alright, Alexa…you’re doing great, just keep pushing”

Her face shifted into one of agony as she bellowed, “Ahhhh…oh god!”

To Alexa’s left, Olivia was cooing, “You’re doing great sweetheart”

“Ok…the baby is crowning, got a nice head of dark hair”

“Ohhh…aarghh!”

Lucia consoled, “Oh, you are brave mamita”

#rafael barba #alexa duvall #love will find a way #childbirth

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wellamarke · 8 years ago

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ULTIMATE PLAYLIST: 2016 EDITION

Woops, it got to be March without me posting these. Here’s a little thing I’ve been doing since 2010, where I make a playlist of my favourite songs from the year. The 2016 list is very Lenka/Ingrid Michaelson heavy, for various reasons (but a big one being that Ingrid’s newest album ‘It Doesn’t Have to Make Sense.’ is one of my favourite albums of all time. The entire record features on this list - that’s never happened before.)

Putting the track listing under a cut because I tend to ramble on!

1. Blue Skies - Lenka “It's gonna be blue skies for you and I, we'll step out of the shadows and walk into the light” In some ways this song doesn’t feel very Lenka-y, being a little bit techno-y with echoes and such, but in all the ways that matter it’s a classic piece of Lenka goodness, uplifting and cutely cutely cute.

2. Somewhere Out There - Danny Pudi and Donald Glover “And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby, it helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky!” So, if you’ve been following me for any amount of time you probably know that I became utter trash for the show Community this year (like, we’re talking, top 2 TV shows of all time level of trash, I love it so much, I don’t know how or why I lived before it) and especially Troy and Abed and their friendship. They sing this song as a duet to their rat in season 1 episode 10, aka the episode where my soul was finally consumed into Community hell never to return. The whole end section of that episode is a true gift, and it’s overlaid with this song. Which then becomes HORRIFICALLY APPROPRIATE for the two characters later in the show, leading to me just wanting to cry and/or die every time I hear it. So y’know. Top quality stuff.

3. Another Life - Ingrid Michaelson “It's in the galaxies and all the history books - I think we shared another life, don't you?” A beautiful song to start off the torrential downpour of tracks from this album (I’m not joking, every multiple of 3 on this list is from ‘It Doesn’t Have to Make Sense’. This is serious obsessive business.)

4. Get Together - Lenka “Now we're all together and I hope it lasts forever, got my people here tonight” Listen, show me a song that somehow alludes to a group of friends who love each other, and I’ll show you my new favourite song. I can’t. Get. Enough. (If you were wondering what appeals to me about the aforementioned Community, I’ll, er, give you 3 guesses?)

5. Ampersand - Bittereinder “Daar’s iets primitief in ’n stem en ’n beat, dis die eerste musiek, dis die voete om ’n vuur” I think this is the first year that Afrikaans has made it as the only extra language (not an Italian track in sight, woops) and this is prooobably the first song that’s ever got on one of these lists that could properly be called a rap, haha. I don’t know what it is about Bittereinder...I don’t usually like anything like this....but... it’s Bittereinder. They own me.

6. Celebrate - Ingrid Michaelson “This is my throwback song, it’s just like the ones, the ones that we used to know” My my, is this a nostalgia song? Welcome to my favourite songs ever, you rose-tinted bag o’ wistful feelings!

7. No Harm Tonight - Lenka “Nothing will harm you tonight, all of your darkness will turn into light” This song is sooooo beautiful, lyrically and musically and gaaaaah, it’s just so adorable. In a year when I have become even less emotionally demonstrative than ever (I know, but yeah apparently there was room to go further) I have compensated by collecting some of the mushiest songs going. Ya gotta reroute it to somewhere, I guess.

8. Toe Vind Ek Jou - Francois Van Coke (with Karen Zoid) “Ek het genoeg gegee, ek het genoeg geskree, ek het lankal terug geleer, maar nog steeds het ek probeer” AAAAH this song maaan. So good. If you’ve ever read one of these lists or just in general seen me talking about music, you may know I have a bIG weakness for duets, and particularly male/female duets, so, with the added bonus of it being Francois, this was always going to be a winner for me. Such a good song UGH.

9. Drink You Gone - Ingrid Michaelson “Like a sinking ship while the band plays on, when I dream you're there, I can't even sleep you gone” This song is honestly so painful. Aaah the emotion in the chorus is just, that shouldn’t be allowed in mp3 format. No, Ingrid, stop. (By which I mean never stop.) A deliberate misinterpretation of this song makes it an EXCELLENT and DEVASTATING Karen/Pete song (Humans ship of sadness). She can’t drink him gone, she can’t smoke him out... she can’t eat away the way that he ate her heart out.... because she’s a robot... ha .... geddit.

10. Joni Was Right - Marit Larsen “Time just sent me off to bed, love was just a word we said, I thought someone would always keep me safe” For obvious title-based reasons, I would have loved this song even if it was three hours of a duck trying to play a harmonica, but as it turns out, it’s my favourite kind of nostalgia-laden, bittersweet lyric and it’s so, so beautiful. Like, Marit Larsen didn’t even have to try to win me here but she still brought this masterpiece. Amazing. (More on the ridiculous levels of coincidence surrounding this album later in the list.)

11. Grow - Frances “You know I'm here holding on, tying up your loose ends and your drifting esteem” I can’t remember how I came across this song now... was it a fanvid for something?... but I’m glad I did, because it’s beautiful. You know how my writing is so often in a kind of wannabe hurt/comfort genre? Yeah, my music isn’t all that different. Supportive friendship is such a great concept! The application is... ew.... but the theory’s great.

12. Hell No - Ingrid Michaelson “Stop crying, stop crawling, can’t you see that I have stopped falling?” This sooooong has the kind of attitude I strive for, I LOVE it. As much as it’s a rage anthem, it has a positive message about self-reliance and is SO FUN TO SING. That’s an important ingredient for me. (Also, there are lines in it - like the ones quoted - that are scary relatable.)

13. Roll With the Punches - Lenka “When life tries to knock all the wind out of you, you've got to roll, roll, roll with the punches” Now THIS is the Lenka I have known and loved for so long - she made my first Ultimate Playlist and she’ll probably make my last. But for so long I had only ever heard ‘The Show’, the album I was obsessed with in 2010. This year I discovered, like, 3 other Lenka albums, which was a joy, and this song....SO FUN. SO CUTE. SO SINGABLE. SO LENKA. I can’t say enough good things about it.

14. Fools - Lauren Aquilina “I don't want you to go but I want you so, so tell me what we choose” I kind of wish this song had come to me earlier, because it really caught me on the very tail end of its relevance to my life, but then, these things often do. I like having a concise way to look back on things, though, so this works just as well in hindsight as it might have in realtime :D

15. I Remember Her - Ingrid Michaelson “Things they fade, things turn to grey. As much as I try to save them, they turn to grey.” Just. I cannot. This song is sooo sad. It might be the saddest one ever to make it to one of these lists, unless I had ‘Song for Josh’ last year, which I think I did, so call it the joint saddest. I mean I guess both subjectively and objectively 2016 was a pretty sad year, so it makes sense. Damn it, Ingrid!

16. Kwaad Naas - Bittereinder “I grew up in the Moot, but my Afrikaans is limited to net ‘n paar woorde” Another awesome bilingual raptastic track from Bittereinder, my loves. This lyric especially illustrates why I love it so much, for I too communicate sometimes in a mixture of Afrikaans and English (usually when trying to Afrikaans and forgetting half the words. Dis ‘n curse, ek kan nie help dit.)

17. Sad Song - Lenka “Everyone's compelled to look into the mirror when they're crying, but just because your tears are pretty doesn't mean they'll get you by” Oh Lenka, you sound so happy but you talk so wise. I love this song so much, it doesn’t sound like it’s gonna be deep when you hear the general sound of it, but then it is. That’s kinda Lenka’s thing, I guess. The chorus especially is IMMENSELY singable.

18. Light Me Up - Ingrid Michaelson “Well you’re not what I was looking for, but your arms were open at my door” There are a whole bunch of repetitive lyrics towards the end but my oh my, what a beautiful sound. Just gorgeous.

19. Morgan, I Might - Marit Larsen “I might have been guilty of thinking one day I'd find myself waking up with you.” Listen, Marit Larsen has always had a timeshare on my brain. I just accept that now. That’s the only way it makes sense that she can write things so exactly right. But she used to be subtle with it, you know? She used to leave the names out, so that I could sleep at night able to tell myself that it might just be a coincidence, that she can’t have actually stolen my diary. But this year? All of that went out of the window. She wrote the sequel to the first song that ever made me go, “damn, somebody gets it”, she splashed that name all over this song, and then she splashed my name all over the album title. Honestly, woman, was it so hard leaving room for reasonable doubt? (At least she had the decency to get the timing a little off, because this isn’t how this is anymore, but it so, so, so was.)

20. Mr Brightside - The Killers “Jealousy, turning saints into the sea, turning through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis” This song is such a classic but it became much more meaningful to me this past year, mainly because it featured on our group’s roadtrip playlist for Scotland in May, and...yeah, it’s just a #quality song and finally its time has come. 21. Miss America - Ingrid Michaelson “I am the one who is always singing, louder than the rest, louder than the others” Songs that mention singing are the best songs, okay? I don’t make the rules. However, I wish I could get out of the habit of singing ‘I wanna be Miss America’ instead of the actual lyric, which is ‘I’ll never be Miss America’. I mean, there’s basically no way to get the song’s ethos more wrong. Shame on my tongue’s faulty muscle memory.

22. When It Comes to Us - Frances (& Ritual) “You and I, we're one too many worlds apart, it really shouldn't work, but it does” Oh what have we here? It’s another male/female duet. Which is a shame, really, because if it was a female/female duet, it would be a really great Nistrid song. But anyway. Beautiful track with beautiful words, yes please stay with me forever thank you.

23. The End of the World - Lenka “At the end of the world, we will kiss for the last time, and we won't feel the earth collapse into a mess of flood and fire” Listen up, The 100 and other angst-fest post-apocalyptic nightmare shows. This is how you do this. Cheesy and cute and with lots of “aahhh-aahhs”. Get on it. (No, but this song is adorable, truly.)

24. Old Days - Ingrid Michaelson “Heaven help the ones who fly away, heaven help the ones who have to stay and place the blame” Honestlyyyy, what a haunting and beautiful song. All of the lyrics are just so... atmospheric? Like, in an almost eery way but still so pleasing to listen to. I dunno what it is, but this is a damn fine song from my main girl Ingrid.

25. Quicksand - Tom Chaplin “Love's gonna leave you broken, time's gonna work you over; you get up, you get up, you keep rolling on” Awww, it’s Keane’s voice but without the rest of Keane! I love this guy, what a pro. Considering that a massive part of my early music life was taken up by Keane, I really haven’t grown out of my love for his voice. Aaanyway. This is actually thematically quite similar to Roll With the Punches. Was it really that hard of a year?! Ha.

26. Unique - Lenka “No, I don't really make sense, but I know that you know what I mean” Hehe, such a cute song. I want to be Lenka if I grow up.

27. Still the One - Ingrid Michaelson "We dance in the living room, and we dance to the beating of our blood” Aaaah this song is so great, so singable. This was one of the first ones I fell for before hurtling deep into the abyss of adoration for this album.

28. No - Marit Larsen “You could give up, I won’t give in, ‘cause where you end is where I begin.” Another beauty from my girl Marit. A little lighter on the coincidences in this one, thank goodness, because I don’t know if I could take another hit, but still solid gold.

29. We Are Powerful - Lenka “We fell in love on the same dark night, when the moon was high and the stars were bright” Another adorable song, another catchy, catchy tune. Lenka, my love, never stop with your beautifully singable tunes. (When I say singable, I mean both fun to sing and not vocally challenging enough to make me have to swap octaves halfway or sit out the middle 8 because the tune is too crazy. Aka the best kind of music.)

30. Whole Lot of Heart - Ingrid Michaelson “I said, "Let's rule this kingdom now, let's live and love and tear it down, to build it up"” Well, when I listen to this playlist in order, I will fittingly be left with the achingly catchy notes of this last Ingrid track in my head once it’s over. By faaar the catchiest of the bunch, this kind of addictive pulsating sound I can’t get enough of. I think this is might be my favourite from IDHTMS, but that changes regularly, so I won’t commit. Suffice to say it’s a fitting song for the end spot, down to the very last ebbing notes.

.....

Well, that’s it!

I haven’t done the math for every year, but I think this is the most female my playlist has ever been. Only 1/5 of the songs have male lead vocals, compared to the copious amounts of Frank Turner etc that have dominated previous years. GIRL POWER!

If you’ve actually read this post, I applaud you, and I also worry about your apportioning of time. What should you have been doing instead?!

As always, if you make your own one of these lists, please tag me for the sake of my ego and to give me new songs to listen to, because if we’ve learnt one thing from 2016′s list, it’s that I could do with some variety! ;D

#joni's ultimate playlists #music #ingrid michaelson #donald glover #lenka #bittereinder #francois van coke #marit larsen #frances #lauren aquilina #the killers #tom chaplin #jonisultimateplaylists

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jayne-hecate-writer · 6 years ago

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More Opera, not enough Death!

Thursday 25th October, 2018. La Traviata by Verdi.

Friday 26th October, 2018. La Cenerentola, Cinderella by Rossini.

Bristol Hippodrome

La Traviata

This is now my third or fourth opera, but who is counting? Because by now I am a seasoned opera goer! I know enough to make sure that I don't drink too much water before going in, thus avoiding the kidney punching dance for a wee during the first act! I know enough to make sure that I am dressed comfortably in thin layers of clothing that I can strip off as the auditorium heats up during the performance. I also know enough to make sure that I read the synopsis before hand, so that when the story unfolds on stage, I can sink into it, allowing the beauty to flow over me without effort and tonight's opera was yet another exercise in beauty of sound layered upon beauty of visuals.

The stage was minimally decorated with drapes and almost translucent windows and just enough furniture to give the hard working cast somewhere to sit or lean against as they performed. Prior to the first curtain raise, three gentlemen in brown jackets could be seen checking the stage, but the way they moved implied that they were more dancers than mere safety officers. When the curtain rose from the floor, it was a luxuriant black drape that seemed to rise up from within the depths of the earth itself and when the stage was revealed once again, it had changed in an instant! With every subsequent stage change, it was revealed to be yet another simple if exquisite set. It is hard not to admire the effort that goes into such elegant stage design.

When the cast are introduced, it is en-mass and the singing was explosive and instantly recognisable. The costumes were heart-rendingly beautiful and straight away were introduced to our main cast, as they sang, while they drank and made merry. The atmosphere was so welcoming on stage that it felt like we the audience were also a part of the party. But as the crowd wandered out of the main party room and into the next, carefully arranged just out of view at the back of the stage, we are able to see them chatting, kissing and playfully flirting through the windows. It was here that the main story arc is laid out, the love between Alfredo and Violetta, sang by Kang Wang and Lynda Richardson respectively. Their voices were a mixture of gentle melodies with sudden energetic supernovae of power and I sat on the front edge of my seat in rapture, this was a moment that will stay with me, as Alfredo declared his love for Violetta, a love that had lasted for a year or more. At first she is dismissive of his affections, she shuns him demurely becoming more forceful, but as he leaves, she ponders the feelings that she has, asking herself has she finally met the man who can win her heart, despite her illness? Oh yeah, she is ill, but more of that later.

Act two see the two lovers waking and once again, the movements on stage are barely visible, but each step taken is urgent and leads quickly to Alfredo discovering that his beloved is almost bankrupt. His shame at having living off of her rises in him and he departs for Paris to reclaim her money so that she can stop selling her worldly possessions. While he is gone, Alfredo's father performed by Roland Wood enters and tasks Violetta with leaving his son so that he can return to his family who miss him terribly. Reluctantly she does as she is asked despite the emotional pain that it causes her. But there is the dark cloud of her illness hanging over her and so she lets him go so that he can lead a long and happy life.

Alfredo is devastated when he discovers that Violetta has left him and when he turns up at a party thrown by their mutual friend and sees that Violetta is on the arm of Baron Douphol he gets drunk, wins several rounds of cards and then in disgust throws his winnings at Violetta, claiming that she has betrayed him. Alfredo's father witnesses his son's outburst and chides him for his poor manners and shocking conduct, which leads the Baron challenging Alfredo to a duel. The party is then crashed by several Gypsy dancers who offer fortune telling and lascivious fun to the revellers. One of the leading Gypsy dancers is revealed to be a drag queen, and despite the gentle clues from the dancer that this is the case, it still comes as a surprise. Quite frankly, the Gypsy dancers was one of my most favourite parts of the show, the dancing is frenetic, the costumes are utterly beautiful and quite frankly I would sell a kidney just to buy the cerise dress worn by one of them!

The final act sees Violetta living in poverty with her only companion being her long standing friend and servant Annina, performed exquisitely by Sian Meinir. It is very clear that Violetta is dying of Tuberculosis, her blood splattered night dress, her hacking and coughing into her chamber pot after which she is left wiping the blood from her mouth. I can honestly say that it was then that I was sat with tears in my eyes. At this point in her performance, Lynda Richardson was came across as fragile, incredibly vulnerable and utterly believable as she coughed up her last remaining breaths, despite the sheer power and devastating beauty of her voice. However, I found that my tears suddenly turned to evil black humour and I was appalled with myself for laughing albeit silently. While a heart broken Violetta dies on stage from the awful disease Tuberculosis, it became apparent that quite a few people in the audience around me had come along while suffering with coughs and colds. In a strange dark way, this added an extra if rather distracting layer to the show. However, I seemed alone in noticing this and was soon engaged back into the story and was once again on the verge of tears as Alfredo bursts in the decrepit room and discovers his lost love on her deathbed, where upon she dies in his arms.

This show is a tragedy, it starts with such promise of fun and it slowly and gently winds down into heart break, I would quite honestly be surprised if during this performance I was the only person in that auditorium who was so emotionally involved in the story that I shed actual tears. The Welsh National Opera are an experience that every music lover should have at least once, the power of their shows cannot be underestimated, from the more fun shows such as Die Fledermaus to the tragedies of La Traviata and I have sat rapt through every show. Now bare in mind that I am more well known for my love of extreme metal, in particularly the genre of Black Metal, with bands such as Marduk, Voices and Enslaved being my most recent concerts. In a strange kind of way, opera gives me a similar feeling, the music bites into my soul and takes hold. There is no mosh pit here and opera goers do not violently slam dance into each other, but the sensation of a live orchestra is the same, the power of it is the same and the experience is the same as seeing a Black Metal band at the height of their rage and power, utterly devastating beauty.

Cinderella

In complete contrast to La Traviata's darkness, the second show I was able to see, Rossini's La Cenerentola, more commonly known as Cinderella, is a sugar coated technicolour fairy tale. Where La Traviata is darkness and death and misery, Cinderella is laughter, joy and forgiveness. It is only when one sees the production that we realise that actually, Cinderella is an abused, neglected and despised first child of a remarried and then deceased Mother. Her step sisters and her step father have her pretty much imprisoned in the house, where she is used as a source of cheap labour, bordering on slavery, as such her life is really an unending cruelty of beatings and berating. We all know the story and we all know that it has a happy ending, although to my mind, a happier ending would have seen Cinderella laying waste to her family with the ferocity and vengeance of an executioner! However, this is a fairy tale and as such we have to be nice, so she forgives her family and tells them that her revenge against them for all of their cruelties is for her to love them and be happy. Am I alone in thinking that this is some form of PTSD or survivor guilt?

Now before we get ahead of ourselves, let's get the introductions over with. Angelina (Cinderella's real name), is preparing the house for the waking of her stepsisters and step father, she lights the fire and sweeps the floors and snuggles with the rats, while singing softly to herself a folk song about a King who marries a faithful and lovely girl, dragging her from her poverty. The sisters when the emerge from their beds in their underwear react badly to this and start hurling their shoes at her, until the rumpus wakes their father from his dreams. Annoyed and unshaven, Don Magnifico explains that the girls have woken him his happy dreams of wealth and power.

Following this, a beggar comes to the house seeking sustenance and Angelina gives him food and coffee, much to the disgust of her family. Seeing her in such poverty, the beggar reveals himself to be the tutor to the ruling Prince Ramiro who will shortly be looking for a wife. Angelina's kindness makes her the perfect choice! Now I am going to pause here for a moment because the treacle is being firmly sloshed about and yes, I know that this is a fairy story and there is not much time to tell it all and still make it coherent, but one has to ask, where is the young woman's autonomy? Why the subterfuge from the Royal household? Also, why is the misogynistic prick of a prince allowed to choose the prettiest girl from the local aristocracy? After all, we all know that the lifestyles of these people leads to bankruptcy and then a painful and miserable death from TB! Ahhh, I must put La Traviata out of my mind, this is a happy story with a happy ending. But a girl can dream...

When the prince arrives, he is disguised and is seen creeping, pervert like, around the house of Don Magnifico so that he can spy on the Don's daughters. He instantly falls in love with Angelina and she too falls for him, believing him to be a simple page to the Prince. It is all so bloody nice... With the arrival of the fake prince, the Prince's actual servant Dandini dressed up in finery and acting with the pomp and arrogance of the prince, we see the stepsisters and their father begin to worm their way towards power and wealth. Angelina is not nearly so coarse and it is her innocence which attracts the prince to her, because he clearly has his own despicable agenda! Oops, must not forget, this is a happy story, evil does not dwell in its telling!

So the girls are invited to the Prince's ball at which he will choose a wife or risk losing his inheritance. Don Magnifico informs Angelina that she is not going anywhere near it and it is revealed that whoever her Mother was, she left Angelina a significant fortune, which her step father has spent. So we can add financial abuse to the list of crimes that her family has committed against her! The Princes tutor tells Angelina that she will attend the ball and that her life will change from one of misery and hard labour to one of love and joy. Well as much joy as being the wife of a Prince in seventeenth century Italy can bring, with no proper medicine, unhealthy food and a complete lack of internet!

On the night of the ball, Angelina's family are doing their very best to win favour with who they think is the Prince, while showing themselves to be the vain and unkind monsters that they are. The Prince's valet can see right through their act and merely gives them enough rope to hang themselves with. Although Don Magnifico is seemingly able to almost drink the wine cellar dry without collapsing, meaning that we can add alcoholism to his character failings. Angelina arrives at the ball in a veil and almost no one recognises her. The real prince is awestruck and his valet attempts to seduce her, but she states that her heart is sworn to another, the prince's servant, who we all know is really the prince in disguise. When the subterfuge is revealed, she warns him that he has no idea who she is and that he may not want her when he finds out that she is effectively a servant and she gives him a bracelet, one of a matched pair so that he can track her down.

Sure enough he finds her, all is revealed and the stepsisters and their father are revealed to be insincere and vile. The Prince marries Angelina and she is taken away from her life of misery and married, to live happily ever after, after magnanimously forgiving her family for their abuse.

Where La Traviata was black metal, this is sickly sweet pop music. There is very little depth to the story, it is a crowd pleaser, a happy little fairy tale and sadly for me, I just did not engage with it to the same depth. I cannot in all honesty say that this was due to bad performances because each performer was wonderful. The stepsisters sang beautifully, their father although a cad was perfectly portrayed, the prince's servant was a delight and although to my mind the prince was a drip, he was played beautifully. Angelina was performed wonderfully by Tara Erraught, her voice a perfect mix of power and beauty and I am sure that in other productions I would have sat in rapture just to hear her sing. The costumes were fabulously fun, reminding me in style of those wonderful old films such as The Wizard of Oz or even Labyrinth.

But despite all of this, I just really struggled to engage with the show. I cannot in good conscience tell you that this was it was badly performed because it absolutely wasn't, but for me it was too light, too happy, too... er, fairy tale! The reason I listen to Black Metal is because I love the power of something so brutal, so visceral, so dark. In contrast, this show is a chocolate box filled to the brim with soft centred, two dimensional characters, some of whom are shown to be villains but without any actual evil to their substance. Yet it seems I need that evil, I crave the darkness and brutality in the substance. When I see a child being beaten and disowned by her family, I want to see the perpetrators leaving the stage in irons, on their way to the gallows, weeping their last tears in shame and fear. I want the desolation and the horror. This I think says more about me than it does the show because I am clearly a very bad person and I know this to be true because even at La Traviata, I found myself laughing during the terribly sad death scene of Violetta!

Both of these operas are wonderfully performed by a cast that truly give it their absolute best, the live music played a professional orchestra is worth the ticket price alone and to be honest I am just being a spoilt brat by saying that I preferred one show over another because they are both wonderful. Thursday evenings performance was thoroughly enjoyable to hear and completely mesmerising to view. The surtitles on the screen above the stage for both shows were intermittent, but whether this is through design or accidental failure, I couldn't say. The story of each was easy enough to follow anyway even without the words above. It has never struck me as a problem that even though I do not speak Italian, the operas are performed in this language. Also La Traviata may be a little dark for the first time opera goer who wants the brighter and more vibrant if ultimately slightly more shallow experience of Cinderella. For me, this was as Goth and dark as any Black Metal gig, it had the heart break, it had the despair, the only real difference is that in this opera, religion is seen as a good thing and God is praised by the characters, rather than derided. With an open mind and a desire to feel the music, not just listen to it, operas such as these are both soul enhancing and in some instances heart breaking and I cannot recommend a visit to the Welsh National Opera enough. Do check them out through November in the Bristol hippodrome, because just like me, you will not regret it.

#Bristol Hippodrome #welsh national opera #opera #La Traviata #cinderella #black metal #tragedy #forgiveness #fairy tail #death #live music #popular music #arts #live performance

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teritcrawfordca · 7 years ago

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How to Make Your Family Business Last

This Thanksgiving, the perfect time to focus on family businesses. Working with the people you love is tough. I recently had a chance to speak with Mitzi Purdue. She is the daughter of Sheraton Hotels co-founder and the wife of the late entrepreneur Frank Perdue. She is also the author the of the book “How To Make Your Family Business Last” and “How to Communicate Values to Children—So They’ll Love it.” It’s a practical guide to keep families and business together through the predictable issues all businesses face. For the holidays, Misti has discounted her book to $10 at http://mitziperdue.com/discount.

What do family businesses need to focus on legacy building early?

I’ve seen so many family businesses ruined. When I learned that only 30 percent of family businesses endure beyond one generation, I wasn’t surprised: How can family businesses last when there isn’t a strong family culture to sustain them? I wanted to use my experiences to help families avoid court battles and family strife when its time for the next generation to take over the business.

Why did you structure the book as you did?

Everyone loves a good story – but those stories only matter if we can bring their lessons to life. Throughout the book, I combine anecdotes from my personal experience with checklists, tips and tricks so that readers have clear-cut applications and advice for their own families and businesses.

You place tremendous value on the power of story. Why is that?

Quite simply because we are the stories we tell ourselves. It is stories – not principles, statistics or arguments – that shape the way we live our lives. Telling the family story acts as a sort of relational glue: It reminds members of how deeply their identity is founded in the family, and it gives everyone a shared sense of “what it means to be us.”

How can families come to understand their own stories better?

There are dozens of ways! One of them is family traditions – another kind of relational glue. In the Perdue family, we have all kinds of traditions. Some fall on holidays, like our Thanksgiving gathering when we wrap presents for disaster victims. Some center on major events, like weddings, when we give the bride a coin from a sunken treasure ship whose finding Frank backed financially. And some of them don’t have any particular purpose at all, like our annual talent show and annual vacation, when we just get together and enjoy one another’s skills and gifts.

Another is just simply asking good questions. Do you know what your parents’ first jobs were? Do you know about any major injuries, challenge, or struggles in your grandparents’ lives were? Do you know the origin of your name?

Telling these kinds of stories can itself be a bonding experience – and if you record them, either via a coffee table book, as we do, or with a video, you’ll be able to remember and reflect on the answers for years to come.

What are the most common issues you’ve seen among family businesses?

Oh, there are just so many! But I would say fortune hunters are a big problem, especially if you’re a high profile business. Learning to trust yourself and your intuition on these matters is crucial. Legal trouble is a big problem as well. Too often, family members are too quick to move a dispute to the courtroom rather than settling it privately – a decision that is incredibly costly, both monetarily and emotionally.

You insist that both philanthropy and frugality are important. Tell us more about this.

Yes, it does seem contradictory, doesn’t it? Frugality means holding onto your money; philanthropy means giving it away. But both these things are a way to combat selfishness, showiness, and the temptation to a “the world revolves around me” attitude. Frank always impressed me with his frugality: He absolutely refused to live beyond his means, and constantly was looking for smart ways to save, whether flying economy or living in a home far less expensive than he could afford.

How can leaders expand the family culture beyond the family and into the company itself?

This is another thing Frank was a master at. For him, running a family business meant not just treating family members like employees, but treating employees like family. He knew the names of countless individuals – even the hourly workers – and made a point of attending weddings and funerals and visiting people in the hospital. He also wrote hundreds of handwritten notes to supervisors, using this as a way to ensure that the company’s values were always being realized in every aspect of its operations.

What can business leaders do ensure the family culture continues after they pass away?

I highly recommend creating an ethical will. It binds family members to one another and to the memory of the deceased, and it reminds them that their inheritance is far more than dollars and assets – it’s an attitude and an approach to doing things.

What is the best thing young people who want to continue the family business can do?

Shut up and listen! You will learn far more by observing than by talking. Make a point of listening 90 percent of the time and not ten. There’s a reason your relatives are where they are. Listen to them, and take notes – literally. The more information you can glean to inform your decisions – business, career, or personal – the better.

Should a family business ever get outside perspective on a family quarrel? If so, when and how?

Ah, this is a tricky one! My answer is yes and no. On the one hand, as I’ve said, make it a rule to solve family problems within the family, as opposed to bringing in lawyers. Hiring someone whose MO is litigation, in my observation, regularly leads to family disaster. However, if a conflict is intractable and you need outside help to help you sort through the mess, there are many resources to turn to including family business therapists, and professional mediators. By all means get the help you need. It’s a worthwhile investment, and can prevent you from spending thousands on legal fees, not to mention extraordinary emotional anguish.

What is the best advice you can give family businesses?

It’s so easy to get caught up in practical matters like growth, operations and product development and skimp on subtler things, like family get-togethers and trust. But this is a mistake that can have devastating consequences, both personally and professionally. Develop a supportive culture that can sustain your family business for generations. Always remember: You were family before you were in business, and acting in the best interest of your family is ultimately acting in the best interest of your family business. After all, what good does it do to succeed financially and fail as a family? The deepest joys and worst pains in life come through our intimate relationships, so put the time, effort, resources, and love to protect and nurture these relationships.

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The post How to Make Your Family Business Last appeared first on Succeed As Your Own Boss.

from Teri Crawford Business Tips http://succeedasyourownboss.com/make-family-business-last/

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