#oh jason todd fans i am so sorry about robin lives

[casscainmainly]

Excluding Jason because he's been through enough <3.

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[stxleslyds]

EVENT LEVIATHAN issues 2 and 3

EVENT LEVIATHAN BUT IT’S ONLY JASON TODD.

Oh, Anon, I am sorry it took me so long to answer your ask, to be honest with you, I had completely forgotten this book ever happened and when I went looking for it, I saw who was the writer for it and my brain disconnected completely.

Michael Brian Bendis, what a polarizing writer. I had forgotten why I didn’t like his work much but this book made me remember that his writing gives me headaches. I swear, every time I read his work I am left wondering if I missed an issue or a page, it’s like I always lack information even though he makes sure to write a lot in those “monologue boxes”.

But I am not here to complain about Bendis, let’s talk about why Jason appears in this book and how is he characterized in it.

If you don’t know what Event Leviathan was about, in the first issue we are told that a terrorist has been attacking places simultaneously. This person, known as Leviathan collected some of the people that survived the attacks (like Batgirl), and others he let escape (like Green Arrow). All of the attacks were on organizations (A.R.G.U.S, Spyral, D.O) that were the pillars of the world intelligence community.

Because the case is big and operating on a big scale, several detectives and heroes (Batman, Robin, The Question, Lois Lane, Plastic Man, and Manhunter) have come together to figure out who is behind Leviathan’s mask.

In the second issue, their main suspect is Jason Todd after Damian suggests that Jason’s “special war on crime” can be related to this worldwide level of terrorist activity.

Well, If you couldn’t tell by the way that I phrased that, I really believe that DC and Bendis had to do some weird changes to the narratives because Jason hadn’t been really at “war with crime” for a very long time, or at the very least, not on that level (against organizations selling/controlling intelligence). So, right of the bat, I am confused as all hell.

Jason at this point in time was working as the Ice Lunge’s owner, so this was after the events of RHatO (2016) #25 and after Roy Harper’s death. But before I get to explaining why Damian and the others thought that Jason was behind Leviathan’s terrorist attacks, let's talk about Jason’s characterization.

How to write about a character based only on “tropes” that the publisher of the book told you. A Guide by Michael Brian Bendis.

We find Red Hood in Seattle, already investigating Leviathan. So, yeah, to me it was kind of obvious that Bendis put Jason there to build up the reason as to why Jason was the main suspect of being Leviathan or working with them.

We are offered some very casual banter with Batman as well as the ever-present subplot of Jason caring for Barbara Gordon. I am not a fan of whatever DC was and is trying to do when it comes to Jason and his crush on a person that he barely knew and has rejected him before. Bendis was probably told to put that there, I really don’t see Jason going out of his way to ask if Barbara is final but oh well.

In that panel we also see Jason say this to Batman, “can we put away the stuff between us so we can work on the case?” to which Batman answers, “of course”.

What the hell was that? First Batman beats the living shit out of Jason (Jason even says that he never saw Bruce hit the Joker as hard as he was hitting him) and rips the bat-symbol of his suit saying that they no longer work together or whatever, then we have Bruce going to Jason to tell him that Roy is dead, he gives him a hug but then proceeds to tell Jason that he is still banned from Gotham.

DC really reduced all that to “stuff between us”, alright, all I am getting from that is that I was right when I said that DC lets Batman get away with his horrible treatment of his kids as if it just were a subplot. Lovely, I hate being right.

But that’s not really what I want to discuss, I want to discuss the level of detective/investigation skills that Jason has got going on for him in this issue. Suddenly Jason has information about what happens with organizations like Spyral, ARGUS, and DEO? And then Bruce asks Jason if he has been in contact with Talia recently?

I am not mad about those last things, don’t get me wrong, Jason being good at investigating and him being (possibly) in contact with Talia are great things BUT they don’t fit in his story anymore.

Where is this Jason coming from, it must not be from the narrative that Lobdell had going on, Jason never showed much interest in keeping up with that side of the world or in doing detective work. And his relationship with Talia was downgraded a lot, basically, all Talia had done was keep an eye on Jason since she first met him before he was robin (yeah, that was a thing that happened as told in RHatO (2011) #25) and that how she found out that he died, after he came back from the dead, she put him in a Lazarus Pit and then sent him to the All-Castle so he could become Ducra’s apprentice. That’s literally it.

Or are we working with a Jason that maintains his Lost Days origins? There isn’t time on the timeline for that to have happened so his involvement in this book and the way that they are writing him is very confusing to me.

Jason doesn’t say anything about Talia except that he pulls an Uno reverse card on Bruce and asks him if he has been in contact with Talia. But just like many things with Bendis as a writer we never really hear any of them say anything about Talia and they continue talking about something else.

Alright, back to sharing what they found it is! Jason has apparently investigated this very closely because he cannot stop bringing up the fact that the attacks leave no bodies behind. Either people escape or vanish from the attack site.

But here is where the so-awaited “Batfamily” mention comes in. After Bruce tells Jason that he is putting a team of Detectives together Jason asks this, “we can’t keep this in the Batfamily?” Gods, was DC on crack when they wrote this? The Batfamily? Honestly? Two of your best detectives are not around to help you and your so-called family left Dick Grayson all alone in Bludhaven!

What Batfamily are you talking about Jason? You, Bruce, and Damian? I can’t with DC pushing and pushing the wildest concept in their universe.

After all that Batman spends a lot of time explaining what has happened or what was supposed to happen, he talks to Jason about how the other detectives were getting closer to retrieve a body that they needed to study. In between what Batman is explaining the scene of Plastic Man talking with Leviathan happens and there Leviathan says that they know each other. So, that’s a clue, whoever is behind the mask is someone that Plastic Man has met before.

We find out that Batman was retelling that story to Jason, so Jason starts putting the pieces together. Batman already has a team, they know that Leviathan has been spearing some heroes’ lives, there is a cause for all the attacks (“a new world order”), and that the attacks leave no bodies. Jason even begins to put together the list of suspects but then Jason asks Batman if they have their number one suspect and Batman says, “Yes”, and it’s Jason!

This is so funny to me, like what? How did they come to that conclusion? Luckily Bendis “explains” the Detectives’ team’s reasoning, I guess? They take turns to ask Jason basic questions that Jason deflects from some reason? It is so dumb.

From this page the most important thing that I gathered is that Damian (the one who initially accused Jason of being Leviathan) says that he doesn’t “think that you (Jason) know you are doing any of this. I think it manifested itself out of grief”.

What? A terrorist that has some sort of technology that makes explosions that leaves no bodies and spares some people’s lives, is being manifested by Jason because Roy Harper died. Did I understand that correctly? That’s their big idea as to why Jason is their number one suspect?

Team of detectives, yeah, I don’t see it.

It makes zero sense! First of all, what “war with crime” was Jason having at the time, and they also say that that war was “a point of controversy for years”. Excuse me? Are they really calling Jason using guns (with rubber bullets) a SPECIAL war with crime? What are they referring to? Are they talking about the events of Under the Red Hood? Because Jason hasn’t been that version of himself in years! We don’t even know if those exact events happened in this continuity!

I am so lost; I actually don’t know why they are relating a terrorist attack to Jason. I don’t know, to me, Jason’s appearance here is unjustified and lacks logic.

Now, we find ourselves in the third issue, where an unnecessary amount of time jumping is done. First, we are in the present after both Batman and Robin let Jason run away. Listen, I know that they tried to paint it as Jason kicking both their asses but I saw those pages, they threw three punches and one of them connect with Jason’s jaw. Batman and Robin just stopped fighting Jason.

I don’t know, why they had to make Damian say that Batman let Jason get away when he was there too and did nothing.

And then they had Damian say this about Jason, “I have never been a member of his fan club but Jason Todd is one of the great master fighters of all time”. Okay, sure, Jason has had a lot of training and he has been immeasurably overpowered over the years but I still find Damian saying this a bit weird, like why would he say that? The fight that is shown after this look into the present is just like any other fight that any Bat-related hero has had. Dick has had more impressive fights than that one after the New 52 and he was immeasurably nerfed.

I love Jason getting recognition for the things that he does right and that he is good at but I need you to represent those moments better. The fight isn’t that grand and they clearly let him run away!

In the fight there all jumped off of a building, (Jason, Batman, Robin, Manhunter, Arrow, and Plastic Man) Jason shoots at everyone and they have a “fight” midair. Then Batman, Robin, and Jason fall through a glass roof and they continue fighting in a pool, this is where I say that they let Jason ran away, they showed us Damian kicking Jason in the face and Bruce punching Jason in the face. But then Jason electrifies both of them while they are in the pool? Listen, this is very nitpicky but Batman and Robin are wearing proper suits for vigilantism, if their suits aren’t prepared to receive some electric shots then wow, but also, the electricity does nothing to Jason even though he is also in the water? Jason’s Red Hood suit at the time was a pair of pants, a shirt, a vest with a hood, and some bandages on his arms… You are telling me that Jason was wearing a suit that protected him from that? Alright, I will believe it, after all, I am very dumb.

Then Jason fights Manhunter, a simple fight apparently, he doesn’t show much fighting skill because she looked like an easy target and then Jason stops fighting and decides to have a nice chat with Lois Lane.

“Why did you run?” I think he ran because a bunch of people accused him of being a terrorist and threw themselves at him at the edge of a building, what kind of question is that?

This page is just, I cannot describe how confusing it is. Lois finally asks that if it isn’t the Red Hood, then why would Leviathan try to set him up? To that Jason answers this, “I was thinking about that on the way down here. Because I am perfect. All this should be me” then he explains “I lose sleep running the numbers in my head, on how measured response to the criminals of the world brings nothing but more chaos. Batman knows this. If this Leviathan is making a big play to change the world, maybe it is the move the “crime-fighters” just don’t, will never have the guts to take. Maybe.”

What. Is. Going. On? Where did this version of Jason come from, this isn’t really in tune with UtRH Jason, RHatO Jason, or RHO Jason. This take on Jason is completely different, Jason doesn’t involve himself with threats on a worldwide scale, he doesn’t care how all heroes around the world operate, and he is not the only one that does things differently from Batman and other heroes that have similar morals.

What is this Jason saying really, is he suggesting that a global terrorist attack can lead to the reconstruction of how heroes work?

Why does Jason think that what Leviathan has going on is similar to things that Jason has done? What did Bendis read that I didn’t? How did Bendis come up with this characterization of Jason?

Because even though RHatO and RHO Jason went beyond Gotham he still fought for things that were directly aligned with his story, Ra’s al Ghul, the Untitled, Essence, all of that wasn’t on a global scale, why is he so suddenly aware of more than that, I just don’t think that his participation in this book is justified.

In these other panels he also comes off as way too aware of what is going on, and I understand that to a certain level all heroes might keep up with what going on a global scale but it seems like Jason knows way too much for someone that hasn’t been connected to those organizations and or people before.

Jason appears a little more after that but nothing of true importance is said anymore in this issue. After, Lois finishes her talk with Jason she reunites with the rest of the team and is like “It wasn’t Red Hood, let’s move on” and that’s that.

That was all Jason did in those two issues. A mix between nothing, knowing too much and him speculating about what a terrorist would want to do next.

Before I give my last thoughts about Jason and these issues, I want to share with you these panels from issue 5 of Event Leviathan.

There, Zatanna and the others confirmed it. Even though Lois listed the Red Hood as a suspect the other detectives told her that not only none of their suspects were Leviathan but that none of them were Leviathan adjacent.

OF COURSE, JASON HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH LEVIATHAN!

Here is what I think, Jason shouldn’t have been in this book, it makes less than zero sense for him to be there. Jason being set up by Leviathan had no logic whatsoever. Jason and Leviathan’s levels of “disruption” are on completely different levels.

I just don’t know why he was there.

Anon, once again I am sorry for taking so long to do this review, I hope you had fun reading this, and I hope that you have an awesome day!

[nitholites]

Assuming someone in the BatFam is the end game:

It's been only a week or so since Tony figured out who Ladybug is

She's captured everyone's hearts, but has to go to Gotham soon

For help, but also because of her internship

The Stark Gala becomes a 'you better live and come back one day, Mari or I STG' party, hosted by Tony Stark, of course

She makes all the outfits of the Starks, her parents, herself, Jagged, Penny, Luka, and Kagami (the last two friends minus Chloe from Paris) and she makes extra in case someone has a wardrobe malfunction

Meanwhile, the Waynes have heard a lot about the newest Stark: MDC

Tim is a fanboy. He's found everything related to his favorite rock star's designer/niece there is to find ("I'm not obsessed! They're just super talented, and I'd like something from them! Stop laughing at me, Dick!")

Dick has no room to tease him, as both him and Jason are pretty much in the same boat

Kor'i and Mar'i love MDC, as well

Every one of the Bats are huge Jagged Stone fans

Like... Nearly rabid

(Damian, Bruce, and Alfred redact that statement)

They're invited to Tony's gala thing (he only started it to surpass the Wayne Gala, like the Lil Shite he is)

The night of the party, only Bruce and Jason go, since the rest of the bats are busy

Bruce, Jagged (who brought Fang), and Tony are all chatting in the middle of the floor, 2/3rds of the group are just talking up Marinette

Jason, meanwhile, accidentally runs into this small, adorable child who proceeds to spill her punch all over his suit

He insists it's fine, but she won't take 'no' for an answer ("I am so sorry, please let me make it up to you" "Kid, it's fine, accidents happen" "No, seriously, let me help")

There's a look in her eyes that insists she do something, and he eventually agrees

Cue to Marinette having a suit jacket that matches and fits Jason because "You look like you're the same build as Mr. Stark (she's all for joining Peter in calling Tony 'Mr. Stark' to get under his skin)"

"you know Tony?"

She shrugs, and doesn't comment anymore on it

"give me your address, and I'll bring this back when it's clean again. I'm moving to Gotham for a while soon, anyway"

He does, she doesn't realize he's a Wayne, and they part when the party ends

Cue the entire BatFam sprinting into Jason's room, chasing after a full on scream

Like, they didn't know Jason's voice could get "so high and squeaky, what the hecc?"

They pause as they see Jason litterally jumping up and down

"What the hell, Todd."

Instead of answering, he shoves the jacket in Tim's face with a shite-eating grin

It takes a moment, but Tim scowls and pulls out his wallet

When the rest of the family only look confused, Tim sighs and explains

"He got an MDC original first."

"...you had a bet on that?"

Jason freezes, eyes widening

"HOLY SH*T, I MET THE MDC! SHE WAS SO TINY, OH MY GOD, BATS, WE HAVE TO ADOPT HER!"

They're confused for a solid minute

"YOU DONT UNDERSTAND SHES AN ANGEL AND HAS BLACK HAIR AND BLUE EYES!! SHE'S OBVIOUSLY A WAYNE!"

It takes all of Bruce's willpower not to adopt her on the spot when she visits them

Like, he almost brings up adoption papers

But he knows Stark would fight tooth and nail to keep this baby

So he restrains himself

(for now)

(he swears if one of his children doesn't marry her, he's bringing the adoption papers to court)

She doesn't stay long, only meeting all the Waynes at the house and going back to her hotel

The next day, a villain goes after Mar'i, near the park/mall/something Marinette is by

Instead of becoming Ladybug, she heccin kicks arse

As Marinette

She gets both her and Mar'i out of danger without a scratch using a yo-yo of all things and meets Batman and Robin as they clean up the rest

She's all like "no, it's alright, I'm sure anyone would do the same please stop thanking me, my family's gonna kick my ass to next year for scaring them like this"

Bats comes up and takes her statement, and she happens to mention the situation in Paris

"oh, this was nothing compared to some of the Akuma I've faced" "What's an akuma?" She paled, eyes widening in shock. "You don't know? About Ladybug, Chat Noir, Ryuuko, Viperion, Queen Bee, Red Wasp, Multimouse, Hawkmoth, Mayura, Carapace, Rena Rouge, and all them?"

She explains a little, giving basic information everyone knew, then shows him the app she made a while ago

The Akuma Alert app that held much more than just akuma-related things

She leaves soon after, and Batman has a goal in mind

Within the day, Diana is furious at the lack of response towards the Paris situation

"This Ladybug was left alone for all this time?! Shame on you all, leaving my mother's successor alone!"

When Ladybug is later spotted (hehe, get it?) in Gotham, the entire BatFam finds her and gets her in touch with the League

She explains how she asked both the League and the Avengers for help, all those years ago, and was pushed aside with warnings not to send in prank calls anymore

Of course, Iron Man has already looked into it, but he's not exactly a detective and the more brains on this, the better

Meanwhile, as civilians...

The normal shipping stuff happens

With the exception that nearly every criminal in Gotham low-key adopts Marinette

They may think she's the next Wayne, but the Angel of Gotham is off limits

And not because the little Wayne chases after anyone who even looks at her wrong with a katana

Not just as Robin. As Damian

Marinette actually meets a few villains on the street

She was going to a commission, carrying some hero, vigilante, and villain themed macaroons when she got lost

(before meeting the Waynes officially, actually)

She was in a park, looking lost when Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn came up

She offered treats, and ever since she's the Angel of Gotham

Once, when on a date with her romantic interest, Killer Croc tried taking the restaurant hostage after robbing a bank

Key word: tried

Marinette calmly slipped behind him, grabbed his tail, and dragged his butt outta there

(he blames the fast French girl and the tile on the floor, which didn't let him get a good grip)

By the time Bats and the police got there, Croc was in tears as this tiny French girl lectured him about manners and interrupting dates

(the BatFam can't think of a funnier time)

When the Joker actually kidnaps her as a way to get to Batman, literally everyone rages a rescue mission

Harley, Poison Ivy, Mr. Freeze (Marinette reminds him of the daughter he's always wanted, with his frozen wife), Two-Face (Marinette talked philosophy with him, showing him he still had choices beyond the black and white), Killer Crock (who was impressed by the tiny French girl who threw him out of a restaurant by his tail that one time), Batman, Robin, the Teen Titans, Red Hood, Red Robin, Wonder Woman (she could feel Tikki's influence on Marinette and guessed her identity), Nightwing, all the Avengers, Red Wasp (Chloe, with the Bee Miraculous because she earned it back ages ago), Sabine (no one messed with her baby. No one), a teenage boy wielding a potato gun (who let this kid here?), Pepper, Penny (the two women were fast friends, bonding over their husbands' eccentric ways), Jagged with Fang, Audrey Bourgeois, and the entire police force storm the Joker's hideout

He didn't have a chance

Later, they admit it was kinda funny watching the small Sabine beating the crap out of the deranged clown

Fang, who was usually a puppy with scales, didn't hesitate to bite off the Joker's hand, reminiscent of Captain Hook and the Croc

Marinette's fine (or not, depending on how much angst you want in the story. It's easy to have her tourtured and nearly killed in the Joker's clutches {or actually killed and focused on angst from everyone who knew her [possible heavy Lila/class salt]} and see her move past her PTSD) and she gets home eventually

Around this time, she's made the Guardian of the Miraculous

She eventually goes back to Paris with her huge family (or everyone she thinks could keep their emotions in check)

They kick Gabriel's arse, but Adrien gets away with his mother (who was healed by Ladybug)

Possible second book

Marinette's ship becomes the Black Cat

Time skip, fiveish years later, some of Marinette's classmates see her for the first time since she left

They insult and sass her, not changed since school

Her S/O scowls and debunks them easily, defending Marinette

When they don't stop, Marinette's S/O calls Bruce, Tony, Jagged, and the rest of the League and the Avengers to destroy the morons in the class because they know how long they've waited for this moment

Mari puts her head in her hands, but doesn't stop them because she knows how long they've waited for this moment

Three hours later, the speeches and lectures aren't done yet

Lila eventually goes to Gotham or wherever Marinette is, and tries to warn the person on her arm about Marinette's 'bulling tendencies'

That gets another lecture

Or, her class gets a tour at either SI or WE, depending on when in the story you write it (could be both, and the class just doesn't learn or Tony, Pepper, and their kids were visiting WE to talk about Mari Protection Measures when they overhear it)

Lila goes off on how Mari's S/O is actually Lila's, or how she's BFFS with Batman/Iron Man/ Bruce Wayne and his kids/ Tony Stark and his kids/ the Avengers/ the Justice League

Cue the class seeing Mari

Instant bullying

The resident children and billionaire steps up, insulting and embarrassing the class while defending Mari

Lila tries to turn it around, but they're having none of that

First the kids jump at the chance to defend their little sister and/or girlfriend, then the big guns show up

At WE, it's Bruce, a highly protective Jason, and Tim, who has every single sin/mean thing/lie pulled up in a folder

It's thicker than his hand, and hard to hold

It's both in digital and physical form and sent to every single member of Mari's family- blood related or not

At SI, it's Tony and Pepper

FRIDAY steps up, too

Harley shoots Lila with the potato gun mk 3 until she leaves

The class don't know what they did wrong, but they swear to make it up just to get the scary CEOs and relatives

Also, if anyone knows the AU where Marinette was a street kid with Jason and his little sister (I can't remember who made it or what it was called, but I fell in l o v e), that could work with this one too. Jason would be so proud of his Lil sister being so famous and awesome and "how dare you let me think you were dead!! Do you have any idea how worried I was?!" "I made you worried?! You up and nearly got killed last I checked!"

Jason swore not to tell her he actually died once. He prays she never finds out.

@tired-butterfly @evil-elf16 @doggiediva13 @krispydefendorpolice @mochegato @legallyspawned @kryptored

[damian-dreamz8442]

(Almost) Fell Off A Roof

A one-shot of Damian’s struggles when his father is injured, Cass is busy and Alfred is distracted. All the bat brothers have to go on patrol together and, of course, chaos ensues. Mostly because Damian’s big brother’s are all insufferable worry warts.

As much as Alfred loved having all the boys home, he hated what they did to his nicely organized batcave. The five boys gearing up together resulted in absolute chaos. Tech and armor were strewn about the cave, and... was that Bruce’s cowl? Oh dear. 

Unfortunately, he couldn’t even organize it due to the nature of the boy’s visit. Bruce was injured on patrol and restrained due to sheer number of sprains, so all the boys came in for patrol. Normally, they would just call Cass to take Damian, but she and Steph were busy on a case. 

Alfred had to be on his toes, because Bruce would just not stay in bed, forcing the butler to keep a constant eye on him. 

Alfred had just long enough to pick up a few scattered items -- starting with the cowl. He passed the damaged equipment table and paused. It was empty. He was sure there had been a grappling hook there that morning. 

He didn’t have time to worry about it as a crash sounded from upstairs. “Master Bruce,” Alfred called, “you should be in bed!”

o.O.0.O.o

Damian did not like being forced to patrol with all his brother at once. One on one was manageable, even enjoyable with Grayson or Todd, but all together it descended into chaos. 

Thomas was wise enough to fly above the gaggle of morons, throwing the odd quip or pinecone from above. Unfortunately, Damian’s suit didn’t have those capabilities. In fact, at that moment, all Damian could do was yell obscenities at Todd, the older man dragging him along by the scruff of his suit rather unceremoniously. 

“Let me go!” Damian protested, kicking and thrashing. Jason could easily dangle him in the air with one arm, his smirk nearly tangible behind the red helmet. 

“You have to learn to keep up.” He scoffed, spinning in a circle and laughing as Damian shrieked. 

“It’s dangerous to stray off alone in Gotham, babybird.” Dick added. 

“I’m the one who actually lives here!” Damian continued, trying not to get queasy from Todd’s spinning. “And I can take care of myself!”

“Aw, Jason’s just worried about you.” Drake teased, eliciting Todd to finally put him down. 

“Am not!” 

Duke flew ahead as they approached a large gab between buildings, the visual distinction between the upper class and crime riddled Gotham. Thomas circled above them like a hawk. 

“Alright, time to be serious.” Dick announced as they all pulled out their grapples. Damian glared at Drake, who snickered, fully aware he’d stolen Damian’s grapple from the lockers, forcing Damian to use an extra that was lying around. 

All four boys ran to the edge of the roof, not hesitating to throw themselves into the dark chasm, at least twenty feet across. 

Tim grappled first, swinging up onto the apartment building, followed by Jason. They weren’t fans of heights. Damian shot out his grapple. 

Or, at least, he pulled the trigger. No rope of hook shot out, the device instead making a sad whirring sound. Jammed. He’d been stupid enough to grab the jammed grapple, despite being the only one who was actually in the cave every day. 

Dick shot out his grapple, smile falling from his face when he looked back to see Damian still falling, tossing his grapple like it was useless. 

“Robin!” Dick cried, hitting the roof hard in his distraction. Tim and Jason scrambled to the edge as Duke shot past them, diving for Damian. 

Damian knew Duke would be coming for him, but he had to slow his decent somehow or splat on the cobblestones. The building they jumped off had a fire escape, that would have to do. 

Damian threw his momentum into reaching out for a railing, grabbing it with two hands. It prevented him from dislocating a shoulder, but the backlash of his ribs hitting metal and concrete was enough to make him scream. 

Damian dangled, still two stories up, when Duke flew down to him. He could hear Dick, Tim and Jason yelling down at them in panic. 

“Need a lift?” Duke carefully supported him so he could let go of the railing and curl around his brother. 

“That... would be... preferable.” Damian wheezed against Duke’s shoulder. He could feel his ribs shift ever so slightly with each breath, sending shuddering waves of agony through him. 

Duke carefully set him on the roof, ensuring he could stand on his own before stepping back. 

“Oh my god, you lived!” 

“Are you ok? Where are you hurt?”

“I’m... oh my god... I’m so sorry, are you alright?”

Damian doubled over before he could respond, letting out a groan. Dick was quick to support him, before Damian knew it was on the ground propped against Dick’s chest while Jason probed his chest. 

“Broken ribs?”

Damian let out a cry and a curse when Jason felt along the line of broken bones, “a few.” 

“We need to head back.” Duke said. 

“I’ll carry you.” Dick muttered in his ear, as gentle as ever. 

“I’m sorry, Robin.” In Drake’s defense he did really look sorry for taking Damian’s grapple gun. Damian couldn’t even bring himself to glare at his brother. 

“I’m fine.” He insisted. He always had to make sure to tell them that, since all his brothers were ridiculous, insufferable, worry warts. 

[jcmorgenstern]

@superohclair oh god okay please know these are all just incoherent ramblings so like, idk, please feel free to add on or ignore me if im just wildly off base but this is a bad summary of what ive been thinking about and also my first titans/batman meta?? (also, hi!)

okay so for the disclaimer round: I am not an actual cultural studies major, nor do I have an extensive background in looking at the police/military industrial complex in media. also my comics knowledge is pretty shaky and im a big noob(I recently got into titans, and before that was pretty ignorant of the dceu besides batman) so I’ll kind of focus in on the show and stuff im more familiar with and apologize in advance?. basically im just a semi-educated idiot with Opinions, anyone with more knowledge/expertise please jump in! this is literally just the bullshit I spat out incoherently off the top of my head. did i mention im a comics noob? because im a comics noob.

so on a general level, I think we can all agree that batman as a cultural force is somewhat on the conservative side, if not simply due to its age and commercial positioning in American culture. there are a lot of challenges and nuances to that and it’s definitely expanding and changing as DC tries to position itself in the way that will...make the most money, but all you have to do is take a gander through the different iterations of the stories in the comics and it’ll smack you in the fucking face. like compare the first iteration of Jason keeping kids out of drugs to the titans version and you’ve got to at least chuckle. at the end of the day, this is a story about a (white male) billionaire who fights crime.

to be fair, I’d argue the romanticization of the police isn’t as aggressive as it could be—they are most often presented as corrupt and incompetent. However, considering the main cop characters depicted like Jim Gordon, the guys in Gotham (it’s been a while since I saw it, sorry) are often the romanticized “good few” (and often or almost always white cis/het men), that’s on pretty shaky ground. I don’t have the background in the comics strong enough to make specific arguments, so I’ll cede the point to someone who does and disagrees, but having recently watched a show that deals excellently with police incompetence, racism, and brutality (7 Seconds on Netflix), I feel at the very least something is deeply missing. like, analysis of race wrt police brutality in any aspect at all whatsoever.

I think it can be compellingly read that batman does heavily play into the military/police industrial complex due to its takes on violence—just play the Arkham games for more than an hour and you’ll know what I mean. to be a little less vague, even though batman as a franchise valorizes “psychiatric treatment” and “nonviolence,” the entire game seems pretty aware it characterizes treatment as a madhouse and nonviolence as breaking someone’s back or neck magically without killing them because you’re a “good guy.” while it is definitely subversive that the franchise even considers these elements at all, they don’t always do a fantastic job living up to them.

and then when you consider the fetishization of tools of violence both in canon and in the fandom, it gets worse. same with prisons—if anything it dehumanizes people in prisons even more than like, cop shows in general, which is pretty impressive(ly bad). like there’s just no nuance afforded and arkham is generally glamorized. the fact that one of the inmates is a crocodile assassin, I will admit, does not help. im not really sure how to mitigate that when, again, one of the inmates is a crocodile assassin, but I think my point still stands. fuck you, killer croc. (im just kidding unfuck him or whatever)

not to take this on a Jason Todd tangent but I was thinking about it this afternoon and again when thinking about that cop scene again and in many ways he does serve as a challenge to both batman’s ideology as well as the ideology of the franchise in general. his depiction is always a bit of a sticking point and it’s always fascinating to me to see how any given adaptation handles it. like Jason’s “”street”” origin has become inseparable from his characterization as an angry, brash, violent kid, and that in itself reflects a whole host of cultural stereotypes that I might argue occasionally/often dip into racialized tropes (like just imagine if he wasn’t white, ok). red hood (a play on robin hood and the outlaws, as I just realized...today) is in my exposure/experience mostly depicted as a villain, but he challenges batman’s no-kill philosophy both on an ethical and practical level. every time the joker escapes he kills a whole score more of innocent people, let alone the other rogues—is it truly ethical to let him live or avoid killing him for the cost of one life and let others die?

moreover, batman’s ““blind”” faith in the justice system (prisons, publicly-funded asylum prisons, courts) is conveniently elided—the story usually ends when he drops bad guy of the day off at arkham or ties up the bad guys and lets the police come etc etc. part of this is obviously bc car chases are more cinematic than dry court procedurals, but there is an alternate universe where bruce wayne never becomes batman and instead advocates for the arkham warden to be replaced with someone competent and the system overhauled, or in programs encouraging a more diverse and educated police force, or even into social welfare programs. (I am vaguely aware this is sometimes/often part of canon, but I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s the main focus. and again, I get it’s not nearly as cinematic).

overall, I think the most frustrating thing about the batman franchise or at least what I’ve seen or read of it is that while it does attempt to deal with corruption and injustice at all levels of the criminal justice system/government, it does so either by treating it as “just how life is” or having Dick or Jim Gordon or whoever the fuckjust wipe it out by “eliminating the dirty cops,” completely ignoring the non-fantasy ways these problems are dealt with in real life. it just isn’t realistic. instead of putting restrictions on police violence or educating cops on how to use their weapons or putting work into eradicating the culture of racism and prejudice or god basically anything it’s just all cinematized into the “good few” triumphing over the bad...somehow. its always unsatisfying and ultimately feels like lip service to me, personally.

this also dovetails with the very frustrating way mental health/”insanity” or ���madness” is dealt with in canon, very typical of mainstream fiction. like for example:“madness is like gravity, all it takes is a little push.” yikes, if by ‘push’ you mean significant life stressors, genetic load, and environemntal influences,  then sure. challenge any dudebro joker fanboy to explain exactly what combination of DSM disorders the joker has to explain his “””insanity””” and see what happens. (these are, in fact, my plans for this Friday evening. im a hit at parties).

anyway I do really want to wax poetic about that cop scene in 1x06 so im gonna do just that! honestly when I first saw that I immediately sat up like I’d sat on a fucking tack, my cultural studies senses were tingling. the whole “fuck batman” ethos of the show had already been interesting to me, esp in s1, when bruce was basically standing in for the baby boomers and dick being our millennial/GenX hero. I do think dick was explicitly intended to appeal to a millennial audience and embody the millennial ethos. By that logic, the tension between dick and Jason immediately struck me as allegorical (Jason constantly commenting on dick being old, outdated, using slang dick doesn’t understand and generally being full of youthful obnoxious fistbumping energy).

Even if subconsciously on the part of the writers, jason’s over-aggressive energy can be read as a commentary on genZ—seen by mainstream millennial/GenX audiences as taking things too far. Like, the cops in 1x06 could have been Nick Zucco’s hired men or idk pretty much anyone, yet they explicitly chose cops and even had Jason explain why he deliberately went after them for being cops so dick (cop) could judge him for it. his rationale? he was beaten up by cops on the street, so he’s returning the favor. he doesn’t have the focused “righteous” rage of batman or dick/nightwing towards valid targets, he just has rage at the world and specifically the system—framed here as unacceptable or fanatical. as if like, dressing up like a bat and punching people at night is, um, totally normal and uncontroversial.

on a slightly wider scope, the show seems to internally struggle with its own progressive ethos—on the one hand, they hire the wildly talented chellah man, but on the other hand they will likely kill him off soon. or they cast anna diop, drawing wrath from the loudly racist underbelly of fandom, but sideline her. perhaps it’s a genuine struggle, perhaps they simply don’t want to alienate the bigots in the fanbase, but the issue of cops stuck out to me when I was watching as an social issue where they explicitly came down on one side over the other. jason’s characterization is, I admit and appreciate, still nuanced, but I’d argue that’s literally just bc he’s a white guy and a fan favorite. cast an actor of color as Jason and see how fast fandom and the writer’s room turns on him.

anyway i don’t really have the place to speak about what an explicitly nonwhite!cop!dick grayson would look like, but I do think it would be a fascinating and exciting place to start in exploring and correcting the kind of vague and nebulous complaints i raise above. (edit: i should have made more clear, i mean in the show, which hasn’t dealt with dick’s heritage afaik). also, there’s something to be said about the cop vs detective thing but I don’t really have the brain juice or expertise to say it? anyway if you got this far i hope it was at least interesting and again pls jump in id love to hear other people’s takes!!

tldr i took two (2) cultural studies classes and have Opinions

[harveywritings92]

One sided friendship Batboys series: 1# Jason Todd X Reader.

The following is a non profit fan based story Batman, Red hood, Nightwing etc. belongs to DC Comics please support the official release.

_

I gain no profit from this nor do I own anything other then OCs  and whatever sprouts from my imagination. Thanks for reading!

Your POV:

Ten years...ten fucking years I've stood by his side! visited his grave when he was dead, welcomed him back with open arms when he came back! I'd work myself to the breaking point building armor and weapons for him, stitched his wounds and mend his bones for him.

Christ! I even gave him and the other outlaws a place to fucking live! and the thanks I get? nothing...he ignores me, treats me like a damn cactus! the only time he even acknowledges my existence is when he needs his damn guns fixed, upgraded or wants test some new ammo he created.

The other outlaws always marvel at my armory and weapons smith skills, Hell even Artemis says I'd put smiths back in her homeland to shame! and that's a high honor! But Jason? he hasn't thanked me once...he didn't notice how distraught I was after my brother died...I tried to reach out and he just said he'd talk to me later and hung up! Roy ended up taking me out for drinks and let me cry it out. 

He didn't even visit me in the hospital after an assassin attacked me... I held my own long enough for Artemis find me and get me to the hospital in time. the other outlaws, his brothers and Bruce had sent me care baskets and flowers and I hardly ever spoke to them...hell, 

Harley Quinn even sent me a god damn card!? and I beat the crap out of her once! that stung more than anything...A villain cared more about me then the man I loved did, Too bad it took me losing my left arm and almost dying to realize that Jason Todd will never care about me. 

And now I'm here hungover and miserable in Las Vegas, waking up in a shitty motel wearing inside out jeans, no shirt and some blond dude passed out on my stomach, I groan and try to remember what happened to last three days...

I wann-no need throw up! I think throwing an arm over my eyes and freeze when I see the gleam of a cheap gold ring around my finger!?!? "Oh...ooh..." I moaned blanching feeling my heart-rate pick up it was hard to breathe as I see a similar ring on Blond dude's finger. "oh, I am so fucked!" I croaked out sobbingly before throwing up over the side of the bed and blacking out again...

Three months later...  

It was tense at Y/n's scrap yards.. Roy was in the main compound pacing and would pause look at his phone frown and sigh, while Kory sat on the��couch arms wrapped around a pillow watching the news. and Artemis stood staring out the window, 

A sudden slam from up stairs caused them to jump and saw Jason's girlfriend..correction Ex-Girlfriend stomping down the stair pissed. "You are a horrible heartless man! I can't fucking stand you anymore!" She snapped throwing her coat on as Jason ran down after her. 

"Look [RG/n] I'm sorry I bailed on our date I was just tired..."

"I don't give a shit about that! I actually thought you were out looking her... instead I find you getting drunk and playing fucking video games?!"

"...Out looking for who?"

"Are you serious right now? God I'm not even her friend and even I noticed!"

"Noticed what?!"

His ex just glared at him before taking a breath "Y'know what? I hope Y/n's dead in a ditch somewhere, maybe then you'll finally notice her..." the girl spat in disgust before walking out the front door and slamming it, Jason stared at the space his ex stood then noticed the rest of the Outlaws gawking at him in disbelief before "What the fuck was she talking about? is Y/n in trouble?" that was the sentence that broke the dam as Roy calmly walked up grabbed the raven haired man by the shoulder whirled him around and punched him in the jaw.

" what the shit Harper!?" Jason bellowed holding his jaw while looking up at the archer. "You bastard! Y/n's been missing for three months! and you don't even care!" the ginger male snarled pulling Jay off the floor and pinned him to the wall. 

"You keep singing about how you're her friend.. you're her friend, but when she fucking needed you..." He was readying to punch Jason again...but was interrupted by the land line phone ringing. Artemis and Kory perked up as Roy dropped the raven haired man ran and answered it. 

"Hello?!..." his face went from hopeful to disappointed. "No We don't need a credit card..." he hissed slammed it down both women looked down sadly. "What the hell do you mean she's missing?" Jason asked warily Kory scoffed at him "Now he worries..." she muttered under her breath, "She disappeared from the hospital.." Artemis began only to be cut off by the former Robin 

"When the hell was she in the hospital?!" he snapped angry that this wasn't brought up to him any point. "...After she had her breakdown or ''little bitch fit'' as you called it...Y/n stormed out of the bar, I went after her, it couldn't have been more than a five minute head start... I can still hear her screaming, feel her blood on my hands..."

Artemis was pale looking down her hands with a haunted looked in her eyes as she recalled the state she found her friend in then up at Jason in disgust "I called you after... at the hospital on her phone, but I guess she wasn't important enough answer." Jason felt rot spreading through his core, this wasn't supposed to happen...This wasn't supposed to happen at all...Y/n was supposed to hate him and leave!

Jason's mind was swirling as Artemis continued "The doctors thought I brought them corpse..." she hissed trying hold back her anger as Kory held her hand just then there was a knock at the door Roy who was silently trying to keep himself from strangling Jason answered it.

And standing on the front steps was a blond hipster looking man standing there sheepishly "Can I help you?" Roy asked bemused while scanning the yard to make sure this wasn't a ruse, the guy looked down at a post it squinting as he tried to make out what it said." is this Y/n l/n's residence?" man asked seriously the archer swallowed a lump that formed in his throat, thinking that this was the news about Y/n they've been dreading.

"Y-yeah..." the man relaxed smiled and held his hand out "Oh good, you're Roy right?" Roy looked at the guy's hand confused why he knows him. "Yeah and you are?" the ginger asked shaking the blond's hand." I'm Dane Carter! Y/n's husband." He chirped happily as Roy's grip suddenly tightened causing Dane to wince in pain before the archer let go.

"Oh f..I- Y/n's what?!" the ginger looked gobsmacked at the blond who was flexing his hand smiled coyly. "uh..Yeah she wanted to be the one to tell you, but she sorta dozed off in the cab..." He said nodding at the waiting taxi as said the cab's back door opened and a familiar mop of h/c poked out of the cab.

and out came Y/n wearing a black hoodie under a bomber jacket and a backpack slung over her shoulder, wandered over to them and held Dane's hand.

Artemis and Kory wandered over to see who was at the door both women were happy to see [y/height] standing there but, were confused who the blond guy she was holding hands with was, As they walked inside Jason eye's locked onto Y/n and felt bile rise, 

when he saw how badly she was hurt, a scar rested over her right eye..his eyes soon left her face moved to down, her left arm was gone, there was just a stub where her elbow should've been...

But then he noticed the blond man next to her holding hands with the h/c, soon the guilt and regret slowly morphed into jealousy and rage, who the fuck did this guy think he was touching his Y/n?! "Who the hell are you?" Jason growled the guy took a step back as Roy tried do damage control.

"Say why don't we all calm down-" Y/n talked over him "He's my husband." she said bluntly a pregnant silence filled the compound. "...His name is Dane." She said leading the blond towards her room/workshop.

only for Kory and Artemis to intercept the ''couple'' demanding to know when and how this happened but, the h/c just sighed and dragged them to living room and show them the video.

[[ A priest dress as Elvis who clearly looks soo effing done with this gig, but can't fricken' quit because it's his only source of income, stands at a cheap pedestal reading wedding rights in a very dull and listless voice, he watches annoyed as a happy couple barely out of college walks away. "Next!" he huffed then rolled his eyes when he saw the state of Dane practically dragging Y/n next to him down the aisle. The priest cusses checks his watch and sighs..."I've got an appointment in twenty so, we'll make this short..." he grumbled.

"Do you..."

"N/n~"

"Take...

"Daaane..."

"to be your wedded wife and husband?"

"I like..puppies."

"Dawgz iz Bombing!"

Priest sighed annoyed but took that as consent, he reached into his pocket "By the power vested in me and the state Nevada I pronounce you man and wife...Yada yada, here's fifty bucks worth of chips...Kiss and get out!" he shooed them taking his wig off and walking out of camera view, the newly weds looked at each other confused shrugged and kissed then drunkenly stole the camera.]] Y/n quickly sped through the taped it just showed her and Dane getting drunker,gambling Y/n making out with a female stripper stealing a cop car and getting into other risky situations, till stopping on the three day mark when she woke up in the hotel.

[[Y/n wakes up looks around the room confused, her jeans were inside and had no shirt on...a shirtless Dane rested between her legs using her stomach as a pillow scratches were visible on his back. Y/n groaned and threw her arm over her eyes only to see the ring she was currently sporting on her finger.

 "Oh...ooh..." she moaned and started hyperventilating as she apparently spied Dane's ring, and went white as a sheet. "Oh, I'm so fucked!" she croaked sobbingly before throwing up over the side of the bed and passing out again...the camera finally died.]]

Y/n just sat awkwardly with Dane on the couch who had his arm around her as the Outlaws were staring stunned at the blank screen, Jason silently got up and left while Roy, Kory and Artemis just kind of stood there not sure how to address the elephant in the room. 

as Y/n calmly got up and pulled Dane off to her room to help him get settled. Only for Roy to stop her "Y/n can I talk to Dane for sec?" the h/c was hesitant, but nodded and went to take their stuff to her room. Roy and the girls descended on Dane like a pack wolves.

Who the hell he was? how dare he take advantage of a intoxicated girl, which he argued that he was just a drunk as Y/n if anything they taking advantage of each other, then Jason finally showed up hands bruised up and bloody like he had been hitting something repeatedly. "How old are you?!" he snarled the others paused and looked at the blond who shrank under their glares that's a very good question.

"uh...36?" before any of the Outlaws could react the raven haired man lunged for him, tackling him to floor and punched him "You son of a bitch she's only nineteen!" he snarled Dane blanched when he heard that. "Her ID said she was 24!" 

the blond stuttered just then Y/n came rushing "What the fuck Jason get off of him!" the h/c demanded trying to yank the tall man off her husband, only for Jason to climbed off Dane and grabbed Y/n by shoulders shaking her.

"Y/n I want you be truthful did this perv fucking kidnap you?!"

"wha-no!"

"What then! Did he drug you?! blackmail you? what does he have on you?! I'l-..."

{Slap}

Jason cheek suddenly stung he was briefly stunned as he tried tried to figure out what hit him, then looked down a Y/n putting her hand down and was glaring at him eyes clouded with anger, she took a deep breath and to calm down. "You don't get to be angry Jason." she hissed before going to help Dane up who was rubbing his jaw.

 "I'm done with you..." she stated coldly with that She helped her husband to her room, And she ignored him after that, the only sign of acknowledgement she was when she fix his guns and have Roy deliver them to him.

 "I don't get why you so pissed, You got what you wanted, right?" the archer said as he and Jay watched Y/n and Dane be lovey and mushy with each other from the living room window.

Roy was Jason got what he wanted, Y/n hated him and was with a normal guy with a normal job and Jason fucking hates it... He hated seeing the girl he loves in the arms of another man, he hates seeing her happy with someone else, hated that Dane calls her by his old nickname for her, hates that Y/n doesn't even try to speak with him anymore, And he just fucking hates Dane in general something about him doesn't add up...

Jason contacted Tim about Y/n and Dane's marriage hopping the certificate was a screwed up or a fake no.. it was a legit license officiated by a real priest even if he was dressed as Elvis... 

That still didn't put Jason's anger suspicions at ease. Dick said that this was karma biting Jason in the ass for being such a heartless jerk to Y/n, let's just say Nightwing had to go on patrol sporting a broken nose for a couple days after that conversation. it was month 4 into Y/n and Dane's marriage that the blond was acting odd and everyone was starting to notice...

He would check his phone or intercept the mail and act all nervous and clingy to Y/n if she asked him what was wrong? He dance around the question, And just now they got back from a lunch date early.

 Y/n was clearly upset and confused, While Dane was pale and jumpy like he'd seen a ghost. Everyone was confused to see them home they weren't even gone an hour.

"You guys are back earl-" Roy was cut off by Dane shouldering passed him causing Roy's smoothie to slash on his shirt the blond didn't even apologize and continued to Y/n's room. "What's his problem?" the archer spat glaring down at his stained shirt.

 Y/n shrugged "I don't know we were just getting ready to eat and suddenly he got and weird and dragged me out of the diner!" she explained then Jason's voice cut in "Going somewhere Dane?" both the mechanic and Archer walked into the garage to see Jason leaning on his motorcycle and he looked pissed.

"Duh, surprise N/n we're going camping! let's go!" he grabs Y/n's arm which she writhes out of his hold.

"Camping? I can't leave I have projects to finish! commissions to fill!"

"You can finish them on the way, let's go!"

"Dane, what's going on?"

The blond was sweating now and after a few seconds of silence he sighed dropping his bag. "Y/n..I haven't been completely honest with you." He said said forlornly Y/n brows furrowed as tried to get him to look at her. 

Just then a truck came screeching into the yard before coming to a grinding halt a few feet from the garage a very pissed off brunette woman came out as two little kids watched from the backseat. "Steven! what the fuck!" she shrieked stomping up to 'Dane' and slapping him on the face hard.

"You son of a Bitch! I thought you were dead! and I find out you've been shacking up with some skank?!" She spat slapping him again the blond winced as Y/n pointed at the woman angry "Who hell is this Dane?!" the brunette snorted "Dane? You don't even have the balls to tell the bitch your cheating on me with your real name?! you're pathetic..." she then turned to the h/c was now piecing it together.

"His name is Steven I'm his wife..his real wife...And he is leaving now." She hissed grabbing Da--Steven's bag and stomping to the car, while Y/n just stares at the blond stunned.

 "We've been fighting a lot, about the kids, about the house, about money...I needed a break." He explained the e/c girl took a sharp breath "S-So that's all I was to you a a...stress reliever?" she croaked in tiny voice, Steve ran a hand threw his hair.

"No no it's not...look you're a sweet kid Y/n and you deserved the world, but I can't give you that...I'm sorry for everything." he said patting her on the head before following after his wife ignoring the icy look Roy was giving him as got to the car he paused.

 "Hey Jay?" Jason growled in response as Steven's eyes narrowed at him. "when you have a minute, stop and pull your head out of your ass...you're missing out on a good thing." the blond huffed and with that Steven and his family drove off, leaving a very offended Jason and a heartbroken Y/n behind...

"You knew..." Y/n said listlessly looking at Jason eyes empty and voided of any emotion, when the raven haired said nothing pretty much confirmed the h/c's suspicions she didn't cry..she didn't scream she sort looked around confused like she woken for the fist time. "Get...out" she muttered Roy reached out to touch her but Y/n pushed him away. 

"GET OUT!?" she screamed Roy flinched she's never raised her voice at them like that before. "Get out, get out! get out!" she broke down into sobs, the archer left while giving Jason a cold glare the vigilante still hadn't budge Y/n noticed Jason hadn't left "what fuck are you still doing her? leave!" Jason instead hit the emergency lock-down button for the garage closing the shutters locking them in. 

"leave..."

"Can't do that toots it's a lock-down." He said pushing off his bike and walking over to Y/n, who threw a wrench at him Jason dodged it, And cock a brow "Throwing things now? real mature...N/n." she threw a screwdriver at him, he caught it and placed in on a table, he pretty much had her cornered.

"Get away from me."

"No..we're gonna stay here and talk..."

Jason said smoothly Y/n clearly didn't want to she tried to slap him, he caught her hand she tried to kick him, the raven haired man dodged it without effort. "Don't forget I was the one who taught you to fight..." He chided the h/c broke down again whimpering for him to leave...

"I'm not leaving Y/n..." Jason stated firmly keeping her still, the y/height sniffled "why...you didn't care before why now?" she croaked Jason winced he licked his lips. "It's was to protect you..." Y/n called him a liar he didn't care about her...he just making shit up to make her feel like she's the bad guy.

"I not lying Y/n, somebody was threatening me said if Red-hood didn't back down they would hurt you..." Y/n still tried to pull away from Jason but he was bigger and stronger then she was. "So, I decided if they thought I didn't care about you, they'd leave you alone...I was wrong!" 

He took as sharp breath when Y/n stopped struggling, as he continued "I ignored you, treated you like dirt even dated other girls in an attempt to drive you away...and still didn't matter to them." his voice cracked Jason hadn't realized he was crying at that point.

"You could've told me..instead of making me hate you..." she sobbed Jason let go of her arm snaked his arms around her waist  resting his chin on her head. "No, that wouldn't of worked, the emotions had to be genuine." He said hoarsely feeling sick that he used one of Bruce's strategies and lot of good it did... 

Y/n sobbed into his chest causing Jason to tightened his hold on her waist kissing her on the head. "I'm sorry.." he mumbled on repeat into her hair, He felt felt y/n shift and looked down in time to see her try and kiss him.

Jason leaned away from her "No." He said quickly stopping her Y/n looked at him distraught and confused the raven haired man cussed himself in his head and took a deep breath and led her to her bed room which in disarray from Dane/Steven's hasty escape attempt. 

"We're not doing that right now...You're emotionally compromised." He said laying down tugging Y/n down next to him. "Just go asleep Y/n...I'll be here when you wake up." Jason promised the h/c hadn't even realized how tired she was till she drifted off Jason refused to let go of her...it'll take time to mend all the damage he caused, but eventually He and Y/n will build up what they used to have.. and maybe the next time around it'll be Jason's ring on Y/n's finger...  

~-The end-~

Next up in the onesided series: Dick Grayson

[haleyreads4you]

No Laughing Matter

Why Gotham’s Crown Prince of Crime Doesn’t Deserve a Backstory

If you haven’t heard, DC is releasing a new live action movie entitled The Joker, scheduled to be released on October 4th later this year.  The movie is supposed to take us on a journey to see the beginning of this notorious villain, and hopefully give a better understanding on why he is the way he is. Usually this is fantastic! Villains, bad guys, antagonist, whatever you call them, are always so much more interesting when you get to see the reasoning behind their actions, and after all the Joker has done, who wouldn’t want to know. The short answer, is me. 

The longer answer, (which I’m about to give you,) is that honestly, no real DC or Batman fan should want to see a Joker backstory. Believe it or not, he actually has one already, and I promise you it’s not going to be the one you see in the movie. It simply isn’t that complex. If you can’t tell, I am a huge DC, (especially the Batfam,) fan, and if you’re not that’s okay! I’m honestly shocked if you read this far without being a DC fan. Nonetheless, I’m going to be giving as much background as I possibly can to flush out my points throughout this, so you don’t have to possess prior knowledge. Now, I will not claim to be an expert on DC, or Batman, and especially not on the Joker himself, but I do like to think I know quite a bit. That being said, if I miss something, or get the facts wrong, feel free to refute me! A huge point of all these dumb essays I’m writing is to get the conversation going! Now with all the logistics and introductions out of the way, here’s why I think the Joker doesn’t deserve his own movie (or back story.)

The Joker is arguably the most famous of Batman’s rogues. With countless reiterations, and big name stars playing him in adaptation after adaptation, it’s no wonder that he’s built up a name for himself. Not only that, but the Joker is one villain whose actions we simply can’t explain. We know Two-Face, AKA Harvey Dent, was seriously disfigured after a man he prosecuted threw acid on his face, destroying his lucky coin in the process. The incident made him crazy, and he wrecks havoc on the city with his destroyed coin asking people “heads or tails?” We know Mr. Freeze, AKA Victor Fries, became a criminal after a failed attempt to save his terminally ill wife left him with sub-zero body temperatures, forcing him to wear the cryo suit forever. His involvement with crime is him still attempting to raise funds to find a cure for her. We know one of my personal favorites, Scarecrow, AKA Dr. Jonathan Crane, an ex psychology professor at Gotham University remains obsessed with the idea of fear and phobias. He now uses the citizens of Gotham as his lab rats to test his ever evolving fear toxin. I could keep going on, (Batman has an impressive rogue gallery,) but the point is we know why all the villains do the things that they do. We don’t know that for the Joker, and out of all of Batman’s rogues, he’s the one that continues to commit the most heinous crimes of all. It leaves us all asking why? Why does he do the things he does? It even leaves Batman stumped. Heck, it leaves other villians stumped!! Ra’s Al Ghul, head of the League of Shadows, has said he doesn’t like working with the Joker, because he’s wild and unpredictable. According to this logic, the Joker should be first in line to get his own back story.

To find the reason why he shouldn’t we have to look pretty far back in this character’s history. When the Joker first appeared in the Batman comics, he never appeared simply as “the Joker.” Multiple iterations of this simplistic “backstory” have been done, and can also be seen as far back as Batman: Year One, (even though the “Joker” himself is not actually featured,) but each time the Joker always appears, it is always first as an unassuming lowlife calling himself “the Red Hood.” This is so freaking important to how the Joker impacts the characters around him, and I’ll tell you why soon, but I can almost guarantee you it is not going to be in the new Joker film. Not only is this Red Hood portion of the Joker’s career important for reasons to be later explained, but it’s also important that in multiple, though not all, iterations of the Joker’s introduction it’s Batman’s fault. Not inherently of course. Batman always catches the Red Hood in some kind of factory, (a popular location is a playing card factory,) and in an attempt to catch him, the Red Hood always ends up falling into a vat of acid. This is the vat of acid that of course warps his appearance, (the white skin, green hair, and red lips,) and what ultimately drives him mad. In how he actually gets in the vat, well sometimes he jumps on purpose, because he’s been cornered by the Bat, sometimes he just slips, and Bruce is too late to catch him, but either way it’s always something that weighs on Bruce. It’s another reason on top of Batman’s no kill policy that he can’t bring himself to end the Joker. Despite paralyzing Barbra Gordon as Batgirl and murdering his son, Bruce can’t end the Joker, because he partly feels like the Joker is his fault. It’s his mess that he made, and a mess that he has to fix.

This introduction of the Joker as the Red Hood and tying his creation to a young emerging Batman is so important to the characters’ relationships to each other throughout their still changing course of comic history, that to negate it with this upcoming movie is almost like recreating a brand new villain. It is also important to note that because the Joker started out as a masked criminal, he remains a John Doe to this very day in comic history. This is crucial to not understanding the Joker, (an important aspect of his character,) because any time a new rogue pops up, Bruce tries his damndest to learn their real identity. Identifying the person beneath the horror helps him better know what angle to work at when going up against them, as well as what to look for, and realizing that violence usually isn’t the best answer for dealing with them. By keeping the Joker a John Doe, it keeps not only us, the audience, in the dark about trying to understand this psychotic character, but the characters in universe in the dark as well. By not knowing the Joker’s past or intentions, it actually makes him scarier, because it leaves him unpredictable, and, in a sense, strips him of his humanity. By giving this character an actual identity, you destroy the mysterious unknown behind the character, make him human enough than an audience can relate to him, and almost, in a sense, strip him of what makes him a good villain in the first place.

Now my last, and what I personally view as one of the most important reasons, on why the Joker really shouldn’t have his own movie, is because it would destroy his tragically beautiful connection to Jason Todd. If you missed it earlier, I briefly mentioned that the Joker killed Bruce’s son, and that was because I planned to go more in depth now.

I need to stop referencing material that hasn’t been written yet. If you don’t know, Jason Todd is the second character to take on the mantle of Robin. Yes, there was more than one Robin. As of current day material, there are four officially recognized holders of the mantle, (sorry Stephanie,) in the order of Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Timothy Drake, and the current only blood son of Burce, Damian Wayne. Jason was taken in by Bruce off of Crime Alley, after he was found trying to steal the cars off of the Batmobile. Officially adopting him as his own and taking him under his wing, Bruce soon hands the mantle of Robin to Jason as Dick had recently left, and the two take to the streets fighting crime and punching bad guys. Unfortunately, this doesn’t last very long, and Jason ends up beaten nearly to death by the Joker with a crowbar in an abandoned warehouse before the Joker blows it up, seconds before Bruce arrives. Oh no. (There’s a very iconic picture of Bruce holding Jason’s dead body, if you google “batman a death in the family.) This was an absolutely pivotal part to Bruce’s character. How Bruce acts after the death of Jason had been unseen before. He became violent and angry, and almost crossed the line he swore to himself he’d never cross. Jason’s death is a staple in DC comic lore.

That isn’t the important part here though. The important part is what comes after. See, 95% of the time, if a character dies in the DC Universe, it’s not for very long, because comics. A couple of years later, Jason is brought back to life via the Lazarus Pit with the help of the League of Assassins. As I’m writing this, it is one in the morning, and I am too tired to explain why the Shadows were involved. If you’re really interested, there’s a crap ton of information on it on wikis and stuff, so it won’t be hard to find. Anyways, Jason comes back to life really messed up and in a murderous rage. He heads back to Gotham to hunt down Bruce but this time not as Jason Todd, not as Robin, but as the Red Hood. It’s perfect cinematic poetry! Yes, cinematic!! Under the Red Hood is one of the most famous comic books about Jason Todd’s return, as well as arguably one of the best DC animated films of all time! But that’s not the point. The point is, that Jason Todd comes back from the dead, and the alias he takes up is the same alias that his killer once owned. Jason does eventually kind of come back to the “good side” as a sort of anti hero, but the parallels between him and the Joker are gorgeous. Both driven mad after being thrown into a vat of mysterious liquid, except for where it was the Joker’s before, it’s Jason’s after. The idea of a young boy being beaten to death, only to come back and take the name of his killer should shake you to your core. Not only that, but imagine Bruce’s horror when he realizes there’s another terror ripping through his city bearing the same name his arch nemesis first wore. And that’s before he even realizes it’s his resurrected son! You can’t dismiss writing like that, especially when it comes to comic books! DC especially, openly admitted that its story lines take place in the multiverse, which basically means anything goes. That’s where you get stories like The Flashpoint Paradox and Crisis on Two Earths. The fact that this idea of the Red Hood being passed down from the Joker to Jason seems to be a universal constant cannot be overlooked. By giving the Joker a more in depth backstory that strays from the one that currently exists, you rip that hard work out of the author’s hands, as well as destroy an impactful connection between some of the Batman Universe’s best and most complex characters.

This whole thing ended up being a lot longer than I anticipated, so thank you if you made it to the end. All of this being said, I stand by my opinion that out of all that characters in the DC universe, the Joker should be at the end of the line to get his own movie. Will I still end up seeing it in theatres? The jury’s out right now. I’m a broke college kid living in New York; there are more things I want to see than a movie I don’t think should exist. I might watch it one day, as the assumption that all of these points won’t be made in the movie is made purely off of the trailers and not the content of the film itself. If I ever do watch it, y’all will be the first to know, but until then this is where I stand. Don’t let this ruin the film for you if you planned on going to go watch it. Like stated in the beginning, these are all my own opinions, and I prefer the comics to the movies. The movies can also be seen as existing in their own realm, and in that case none of my points stand at all. It’s up to you to make your own judgement.

But ask yourself this, as you sit down in the theatre with a large tub of popcorn. What do you think people will benefit from trying to see into the mind of the one of the world’s most famous psychopath?

[tessatechaitea]

Teen Titans Spotlight #9: Changeling

I feel like this is the first appearance of the Changeling logo.

It's as if General Immortus knew that one day Niles Caulder would be just a head! Or, more probably, Grant Morrison fucking remembered this one panel and thought, "I'll turn The Chief into a disembodied head!" Unless it was Rachel Pollack who did that. What am I? The Doom Patrol wiki?

Cliff Steele has just been on another adventure where his body was torn apart. At least I'm assuming it was because whenever he or Red Tornado are in a super hero battle, they usually get torn to pieces. Somebody's got to be and you can't do it to Batman. But Cliff is tired of it and he's ready to retire to a ranch in California. I wonder why Grant Morrison's run didn't take place there? Cliff and Garfield wind up at the New York Zoo because Garfield wants to fuck the lioness and Cliff wants to buy hot dogs that he can't eat.

Based on the repartee between Robotman and Changeling, I don't think the crowd are the only people to mistake Cliff for Cyborg.

The previous caption was a criticism of the writer, Paul Kupperberg. Was it too subtle? I know it wasn't on the level of Ann Nocenti criticism where I once questioned how she survived the surgery that replaced her brain with Jello pudding but sometimes you need a little subtlety in your life. Like when you want to masturbate but all you have on hand are your sandpaper masturbation gloves. I don't know if that final sentence had anything to do with subtlety. I think it had more to do with me introducing the public to my new invention! It, um, needs some work.

I first read Changeling's line as "You're obviously a fat." Not because I often misread the fuzzy text of old comic books but because I saw the kid in the first panel and my brain began thinking, "How do I make a hilarious and inoffensive fat joke about this kid?"

I just realized I should mention the writers and artists of these old issues since they're not on the cover. The artist is Dan Jurgens and I already mentioned the writer. I don't know what inkers do so I don't remember who the inker was. And the one thing I've always refused to do in my comic book reviews over the last eight years is to mention the letterer! Mostly because I always hated reading letters from fans who praise the writing and drawing and then offer a throw away line about how easy the typeface was to read thanks to Costanza or whoever! Oh, and I actually really forgot about the colorist until just now! That was Adrienne Roy! Who better to color some kid green than good old Adrienne! Cliff walks off in a huff when people begin to actually recognize him. He should have thrown in a few "Booyahs" and offered to show off his white noise cannon. Um, wink, wink! I'm not proficient at flirting. Before Robotman can find a quiet bathroom stall to wish he could cry in, Mister 104 attacks! I know. You're thinking the same thing I'm thinking, right? What happened to Misters 1-103? Oh, and probably, who the fuck is Mister 104?! But then I'd be disappointed if a Doom Patrol villain showed up and I recognized that villain. Their villains should get a "What the fuck?!" reaction at least ninety percent of the time. That's another thing the television show got right! How many scenes have Crazy Jane shouting "What the fuck?" and then Cliff responds with "What the fuck?" and then Crazy Jane is all "No, fucking seriously! What the fuck?" and then Cliff is all "What the fucking fuck fuck fucking fuck?!" The show uses the F-word a lot! Luckily Changeling remembers who Mister 104 is and thinks through Mister 104's entire origin for us. It turns out Mister 104 can turn into every known element on the periodic table. He's only Mister 104 because that's how many elements were on the periodic table in 1965 when he first appeared in Doom Patrol #98. Except when he appeared in that issue, he was Mister 103. So either he hadn't looked at a periodic table since 1961 when he first attacked the Doom Patrol in 1965 or Arnold Drake, the original Doom Patrol writer and co-creator, fucked up. Or maybe there was a plot reason for it in the story, like Mister 103 just despised Helium or maybe Superman paid him to never turn into krypton(ite)? Still, this is 1987! He should be Mister 109! I didn't learn all of that from Changeling's thought bubbles! Some of it I learned because Mister 104 mentions that when he last encountered the Doom Patrol, he was left as "a mass of free floating destabilized atoms" and the editor helpfully noted that took place in Doom Patrol #106. In 1987, I would have just thought, "Oh, okay. Whatever." But in 2019, I can use the Internet to find out all about that issue! Suck it, me in 1987 who didn't learn anything new or helpful in any way and who couldn't pretend like you were super smart and knew all about the periodic table because you didn't have Wikipedia like a stupid idiot! Ha ha! Apparently Mister 104 appeared in other comic books I've read (like The Doom Patrol vs. Suicide Squad Special) but it's understandable that I don't remember him. Partly because he may have been going by Atomic Man or Atomic Master and also because he's just kind of stupid. But stupid in just the right way that Doom Patrol villains should be stupid!

Don't read this text if you're trying to avoid spoilers for Teen Titans Spotlight #9: Changeling!

It looks like Mister 103 first takes on the name Mister 104 here. But what's odd is that he tells Cliff, "You might remember me: Mister 104!" And Changeling thinks, "That's Mister 104!" I guess Paul Kupperberg couldn't abide the fact that Arnold Drake fucked up and he had to correct him. I bet he was fuming for over twenty years! He probably got a job as a comic book writer simply to fix this mistake from his childhood! But then, I suppose everything can be explained away by simply invoking Crisis on Infinite Earths. That probably changed things somehow.

That's your argument for why you'r going to win this fight?

During the battle, Mister 104 turns into a lot of different chemical compounds, proving that he was indeed a molecular engineer. But Robotman manages to thwart each of his different shapes with punches, proving that nerds just can't win in physical combat. Eventually, Mister 104 sets a fire that traps the fat kid from earlier who didn't have enough sense to get the fuck out of the way. Interrupting the battle is a scene where Mento plots the downfall of the Teen Titans with the help of his captive, the star of the next issue of Spotlight, Aqualad! Back to the fight, Changeling saves the kid and drops him off by the hot dog stand. He sees some canisters and the fat kid says, "Those? But that's just soda gas!" Who the fuck calls it soda gas? I lived through 1987 and I don't remember ever saying, "The soda gas in this soda really hits the spot!" Maybe calling it carbonated water or carbon dioxide or carbonation would have given the game away too early! Changeling appears as a giant ape wielding cans of carbon dioxide to smother Mister 104's flaming fury. And this time instead of transforming into some other element, he's knocked out cold! Way to go, soda gas! Teen Titans Spotlight #9: Changeling Rating: C+. The entire point of the story was to show that Robotman's estimation of Garfield Logan has grown and that he now sees him as a real hero. I guess the reader is suppose to think, "Yeah! If Robotman can admit that Garfield is now a real hero and not some jerk off jokester who causes more problems than he solves, I should probably think that too!" And since I'm a totally average comic book reader, I'm totally a Garfield Logan fan now! He isn't obnoxious and annoying at all in the way I thought! He's a real hero! Not as big a hero as soda gas but still pretty great!

[supercasey]

So I watched Batman Ninja with my buddy Jason the other night...

Under a readmore because I'm screaming and y'all normal people don't need to see this shitshow.

So, like, to begin with; the animation is gorgeous- I will in no way try to deny that- and does a lot of cool things with the art style. You can tell a lot of work went into this movie, and while I personally find it so bad that it's funny, I'm not gonna shit on anyone who likes this film more seriously. (Also, I'm gonna shit on the outfits a lot, so sorry if that comes off as unintentionally racist. I am white and stupid.)

However, other than that... What the shit??? Was that??? I'm still reeling 48 hours later.

The basic plot of this wild ass movie (that I could figure out): Gorilla Grodd has built a time machine so he can go back in time and rule over Feudal Japan and change history (it never really specifies why he chose Japan of all places but go off, DC). He brings Deathstroke (my fav obviously), The Penguin, Two-Face, Poison Ivy, and The Joker + Harley Quinn (because if you want your plans to work you should absolutely bring in the disaster piece of shit that is The Joker).

Also Catwoman is here but from what I can tell it was accidental on her part/I think she's the one who fucked up the time machine??? Unclear.

So everyone goes to the past, including Batman, Alfred, and all the Robins (Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, and Damian Wayne as Robin) (none of the girls but let's be honest, I think they dodged a fucking bullet).

Batman ends up behind everyone else during the time traveling??? Not really explained, but now everyone has been in Japan for two years and Catwoman has depression.

Okay onto me rambling:

They have this scene where every villain gets a title card/one-liner, and everyone else but Deathstroke gets a line that fits their shtick. I feel like they had no idea what to do for a pun/joke, so there's just a literal pause then "... Yeah :)" from Deathstroke. I straight up scream-laughed so fucking hard.

All the Robins look so fucking stupid except for Tim. Nightwing looks like Goku, Red Hood has the tallest bucket on his head I've ever seen, and Damian's hair... good fucking lord.

Also, Damian is completely out of character. The people making this movie, I think, have never read a comic with Damian, and just made him into "annoyingly happy child character that is annoying as all fuck and talks to animals for no reason except Baby" and let me tell you, I got such whiplash from seeing that. Also Damian and Red Hood are apparently voiced by the same guy and my buddy Jason is freaking out about it lmao.

Joker's fucking UGLY next question.

Harley sounds low-key annoying in this film but that might just be me... feels like a lot of people who try to voice her make their voices as high-pitched as possible and it's very grating after awhile.

There's an amnesia plot??? Where Harley and Joker get amnesia after a boat fire??? Red Hood beats the fuck out of them and while I feel bad for Harley, fuck Joker, he can die. They get their memories back by seeing a plant... that looks like Joker's face... as my boy Deathstroke would say: "... Yeah."

There's a clan of Batman ninjas from the past and, tbh, they look pretty fucking cool and I thought they were a really neat concept. Doesn't excuse the bat ghost thing.

OH GOD THE ENDING FIGHT

Through a series of unfortunate events, Gorilla Grodd and all the other villains start fighting each other in giant mechas in order to decide who will rule Japan because of course they do.

My favorite parts from the villain fights:

Two-Face's robot is the shit of nightmares. At one point Deathstroke and Grodd are going at it, Two-Face gets between them, then FLIPS A COIN FOR WHO HE'LL BEAT ON (very in-character I guess but I was still screeching). Btw, he chooses to attack Grodd, and Slade just stands back like "... Yeah :)"

Can you tell that I'm not over that stupid line yet?

PENGUIN HAS SEMI-SENTIENT PENGUINS WORKING ON THE INSIDE OF HIS ROBOT WTF!?!? WHERE DID HE GET THEM!?

Poison Ivy is beautiful, next question.

Okay, back to everything in general:

Grodd reveals that he has been low-key mind controlling all of the other villains this entire time, and that he's the one who made everyone build giant robots. He attempts to take full control of everyone, but Joker does instead. This is maybe the most sane part of this entire goddamn movie.

ALL OF THE ROBOTS MORE OR LESS FORM VOLTRON, LADS!!!

So now our heroes (Batman, the Batsquad, and the Batclan) need to take on this giant robot... so what's a boy to do? Well, if you're Damian Wayne in this movie, you get a magic flute from Grodd after he nearly dies for you, and with the help of your baby monkey friend, summon an army of millions of monkeys that form a giant monkey.

This is a Batman movie. Just thought I'd remind y'all of that.

At first it doesn't work, but don't worry! Another monkey (wearing a pink bow to remind us that she's a girl and the other monkey's love interest) comes and helps Damian play the flute better so the monkeys are better.

Monkeys still aren't enough, so with the power of bats and probably a lot of weed being smoked, the bats that came out of literally nowhere form a giant Batman to punch Voltron.

(Side note: they destroy the arm that Deathstroke was controlling so I don't know why he isn't dead. Never explained. He isn't even really hurt!!!)

The Robins enter Voltron to fight the villains because Joker loses control of everyone: Nightwing vs Penguin, Red Hood vs Deathstroke, and I forget the other match-ups, but nothing matters except that Red Hood walking up to Deathstroke and saying "Tell you what... I'll let you take the first shot" was badass and the best part of the movie.

Too bad we didn't get full fights scenes between everyone 🙃

Batman nearly died??? But lived??? I was so lost at this point and probably should've been paying better attention, but I was too busy trying to convince myself this wasn't a fever dream.

They got back to the present and everyone lived happily ever after, the end :)

Notes: I'm sure I missed some shit but Jesus fucking Christmas, it was a wild ride from start to finish. It was, like, not that great storytelling wise, but it was so bad it was funny??? It was the "The Room" of Animated Batman films.

Batman is a fucking HIMBO in this movie. I dunno how to exactly explain it, but he makes so many stupid ass decisions throughout the movie, it's so funny. When he's trying to blend in with the townsfolk HE LITERALLY CUTS HIS HAIR TO HAVE THE BATSYMBOL ON THE TOP OF HIS FUCKING HEAD!!! WHO APPROVED THIS MOVIE!?!?

I have decided that Deathstroke didn't die because trans rights. Is he canon trans? Well, he is in my heart.

Jason Todd's voice actor did a great job with him, tbh I wish he had been more prominent in the movie.

I literally forgot Tim and Dick were there most of the time they were so unneeded in the plot.

I hated Damian but whatever.

I honestly did enjoy the movie, but probably not for the reasons the creators wanted me to. Again, nothing against the creators, but this was such an odd movie for 90% of it's run time.

7/10 would watch again, if only because it was so funny and nonsensical.

Ratings all together:

Animation: 10/10

Voice Acting: 7/10

Story (If taken seriously): 2/10

Story (if not serious): 8/10

All together; watch this if you're a Batman fan that feels like having a hilarious time and doesn't mind seeing your favorite characters be OOC or doing weird shit. I feel like this movie is best enjoyed on call/while hanging out with friends.

[wildlyleftlight]

Home for the Holidays

Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays ♫ ‘Cause no matter how far away you roam ♫ When you pine for the sunshine of a friendly gaze ♫ For the holidays you can’t beat home sweet home! ♫

Dick Grayson listens to the familiar, slow-flame drawl of Perry Como emitting from the sidewalk speakers inexpertly hidden along the salt-stippled avenue of shops. He drops from the curb without a hop to his step and shoves one of his gloveless hands into the front pocket of his jeans. It isn’t cold enough for him to see the huff of his breath on the air, but it is early enough in the morning that he wouldn’t be out here if not for the giant travel mug of coffee resolutely grasped in his other hand.

The Blüdhaven strip mall is safe and dead at this hour on a Tuesday, which lends a qualifying moroseness to the airing age-old Christmas melody. He hears the refrain chase him, tinnily, all the way to his car, and he fingers the cell phone in his pocket. He wonders about calling Babs, but even though she isn’t strictly out on the streets with them, she’s just as much in on the nightlife too, and it’d be a sin to wake her this early only for a maudlin earful.

Four days ago, he’d gotten into another fight with Bruce. Four days later, he can’t let it go. Because he – Dick Grayson – went and picked a fight with Bruce Wayne two weeks before actual Christmas just so that Bruce wouldn’t because Bruce always did. Dick has worn Batman’s cowl and Dick has filled Batman’s boots, but never before has he so badly misstepped into his father’s shoes.

Ever since his juvenile abdication from all things Bruce Wayne, and even though Bruce and he are more or less civil with each other now, the holidays have a way of stirring Dick’s mercurial temper to a melancholy cocktail of nostalgia and the bitter aftertaste of knowing he’d lost those formative years – those family traditions – completely independent of Bruce’s crimes of passion. There’s irony somewhere in that, he guesses, and a double-dose of it, but Dick is nothing if not sentimental. He has the tendency to chalk up the past to self-blame, whether or not it actually was Bruce who had fanned the fitful flames of Dick’s anger. Still, it had always been Robin’s duty to counterbalance the Batman, to be the yin to his yang and negate Batman’s darkness for him with a simpering buoyancy. So every time he’s stormed out just because of Bruce being Bruce, the fault lay indisputably with Dick. It has to.

By the time he arrives back at his apartment, Dick’s travel mug is empty and his mood is half-full. He disentangles himself from his scarf with quick tugs of his hand. The tightness around his throat does not yield.

“Sweet Jesus, Dickless,” he hears Jason say, “you have failed me for the last time.”

“What did I do now?” Dick asks very amiably, shoving away all pensive introspection as he enters his kitchen to find all three of his little brothers glued to their cell phones. There is still a prevailing stress in his eyes, a dejected slouch in the incline of his shoulders where they lean so he can peer over Jason’s head. Nothing is more important to him than his family, but lately he’s realizing more and more that his family isn’t all he wants; he wants for his family to want him right back. He looks past his brother’s large, scarred fingers that are frantically tapping away at Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp.

“You have no pears in your Market Box. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph Stalin– don’t you know that pears are the hardest to come by?”

“Sorry, Jaybird. I don’t play much anymore.” Dick tosses his jacket over the straight back of Jason’s – his – chair. “I’m tapped out; my loan is up to one hundred and fifty thousand Bells,” and, even as he says this, Dick pulls his phone from his pocket, logs into the game, and presses at the screen a few times. “I have seven pears. There you go. I put them up for twenty Bells, just for you.”

“–Acquired,” interjects Damian, with spectacular self-satisfaction, at the same time Jason goes, “–One hundred and fifty thousand Bells? How the hell– Dami, you fruit-thieving little shit,” he growls, in the same breath, “–did you get yourself in so steep?”

“I’m on, like, the fifth loan, I think. And it’s for one hundred and fifty thousand.”

“You mean you actually pay them off? What is wrong with you?”

“It’s a game about debt,” Tim peaceably inserts, without looking up. His fingers flit across his phone screen as deftly as they do his remote hacking device. “Paying off your loans is virtually the only thing you’re supposed to do, Jason.”

“No, it’s a game about making a freaking killer-sweet pad, with all the things. Did you get it, Dicky?”

“Those pears will be the building blocks of my empire, Todd.” Damian, again. Smugly, again.

“Fuck your empire. Apollo wants his pears. I will never get that zipper shirt,” mourns Jason, not quite sincerely enough to muster tears.

“Yeah, I got it,” Dick answers when he is finally allowed the chance to. He holds up the gift card. “But I’m still not sure why you see fit to get Bruce a Starbucks gift card for Christmas. Doesn’t it seem a little… I dunno… bourgeois?”

“Spoken like a true trust fund baby. Shut up,” Jason adds, shutting down the argument toward which he’s riling Dick. “And anyway, Batman is by the people, for the people.”

“I’m just saying. I-am-vengeance grappling to an LED marquee and paying for a Venti Mocha Frapp, with a gift card?”

“You don’t know Batman the way I do.” Well, that was true. Each of the Robins knew Batman differently from the others. “He loves that shit. Ask Alfred. They’re opening a Starbucks by the precinct and Bruce will flip his wig when he finds out.”

Dick shrugs neutrally, noncommittally, and allows Jason to steamroll over his shameful flare of jealousy. There is ice in his chest, scaling his clavicles, and he ignores the nagging familiarity of it just like he ignores the familiarity by which Jason speaks of Bruce. “Little D, the lady at Suncoast says that you can design your own PopSocket for Al. Through the website.”

“Hand me your laptop, Grayson,” demands Damian, without more than a second’s thought. “I will investigate.”

“Okay, but,” he warns, “if you need to use your own editor, I haven’t got Photoshop on here.”

“Tt.”

“I can get you Photoshop, Dick.”

“Because you’re a pirate, Timmy,” scoffs Jason, “and Dick is a trust fund b–”

“Or maybe, Jason, I’m not a trust fund baby and that’s why I don’t own Adobe anything,” Dick shoots back, using his full name now. He’s nettled by the tone being used on him, for a topic that is so sore with him. The ice bracketing his heart suddenly thaws into a puddling sob of frustration, which goes angrily suppressed. He knows how flammable his own temper is, which colors him all the more upset, enough to turn away from Jason so that he is facing and simultaneously avoiding Tim’s stare.

Tim sees how Dick’s eyes are flashing dichotomously – an electric blue set in a face schooled of any outward expression – and intervenes before Jason can bring up the point of that ubiquitous knife pressed between them: that at least Dick had actually gotten to live to his age of majority. “Did you pick up gift tags?”

Dick throws out a sideways glance, barely the formality of miffed scrutiny in the stillness of tundra. “Yes, I got gift tags. Because we’re all so hopelessly impaired–”

“Drake, your camper is cliché.”

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year. And I’m trying to complete all of the Christmas Event Challenges.”

“That’s all that’s inside it; Christmas crap,” pipes in Jason, “except for– what is that?”

“It’s a slipper rack.”

“Okay. Damian, I’m gonna have to go with you’re wrong on this one. Tim’s camper is so Tim.”

“This is card stock. Why would they stick stickers on card stock?” Tim gripes from where he’s meticulously, conspicuously peeling something off of the backing of the gift card.

“…” And Dick takes the few long moments of sibling banter for what they are: a breathing spell. He collects himself, cards his unruly black hair into tufts, and compartmentalizes.

When dealing with Jason Todd, taking anything personally was taking tinder to kindle. Jason knew Dick, and Dick knew better; it’d never been about himself. Maybe when he was younger he’d thought so, but the eldest had long since come to learn that Jason’s best defense was his best offense; barreling heart-first into things, to disarm or to destroy, because he’d grab at anything if it belonged to him – and his brothers, Jason finally ascertained, were his brothers. On less malevolent days of the week, not unlike ordinary sibling rivalry, Jason’s possessiveness usually manifested itself by way of teasing just this side of too-fierce. In sharper, more extenuated circumstances, he cut to the quick, navigating the veritable minefield of responsiveness and gut feeling and leaps before looks. In a civilian, Jason’s behavior was the very antithesis of vigilanteism. In a younger brother, it was arrested development. Which makes sense, because he’d died a child, and every time Dick is reminded of that it is harrowing pain, and it is thankfulness, softening the edges all around the insults Jason’s whetted to the hilt, that his brother is alive.

After a self-possessed sniff – in farewell to his pride, he convinces himself – Dick rests his palm on Tim and gives his bedhead a good tousle. In a smoothly paved voice, he asks, “‘You still workin’ out? Rerack?’”

Damian Wayne barks a laugh, and immediately Jason jumps on the bandwagon. “‘How’s it going, brosephine?’”

“‘We don’t always have to talk about training, you know. There’s plenty of other stuff goin’ on!’” Dick, quoting from their favorite, the jock type animal. Who happens to also be a bird named Jay.

“‘Like…um… You know… How ‘bout that weather?’” supplies Jason.

Dick dissolves into laughter. Gasps, “‘Did you know that just talking about your muscles can make them bigger and stronger?’”

“I hate you both.”

“‘Sue me! Rerack!’”

Dami enters the fray. “‘How’s it going, Drake? Training like a madwoman?’”

Jason stops short. “Demonbird, you play as a female character?”

Damian colors. “The videogame is not gender-specific with its dialogue.”

“Isn’t it?” Dick considers, curiously.

“How would you know?” challenges Jason – who does play as a female character – as he squares his broad shoulders and tilts his chair onto its back two legs.

“Jason, how do you not know what Damian’s character looks like,” Tim asks. Don’t you see it wandering all over your world?”

“We’re not friends.”

“We are so, Todd!” And the beat where Damian’s accent lands is given an irregular emphasis.

“Fine. How in blazes would I know if we’re friends? I cannot even begin to fathom the nickname you chose for yourself. And I have a bazillion names on my friends list, ninety percent of which is in Kanji.”

“…Is it?” Dick, still stumped and not following the tangent of conversation at all.

“‘Macmoo,’” Tim offers, taking a sip from his empty coffee mug.

“Alright, kiddies. Giddyap,” Jason says, and really pronounces it that way. He stretches himself to his full height, and then some – easily six feet four on his toes for the assuaging pop! of his back. His arms arch up and he towers over the fridge. “Go get dressed, Cretin,” he orders lovingly and gives his littlest brother, who barely comes up to the bottom of his chest, a fond forward shove toward the bathroom. “I’m starving to death.”

As his sibs depart the kitchen, Dick angles himself for a fast escape to the dishwasher, but Jason steps in front of him, purposefully overbearing. “Uh-uh. You too, Dicky.”

“Jay, I’m already good to go.” He indicates his faded jeans, his windbreaker that’s fallen from the chair during Jason’s see-saw sitting. “Besides,” Dick japes, lamely, “you don’t get to tell me what to do; I’m the big brother.”

Jason opens his mouth to say one thing, closes it, then reopens it to say something different. “You have a funny memory.” Jason sighs, puffs up his cheeks, then sighs again. “It’s reticulated.”

“Like it’s a giraffe’s ass?”

“Like it’s circling around the same platitudes over and over and getting shakier every time it has to.”

Dick falls silent, but he doesn’t withdraw his gaze from Jason. He looks measuringly at his brother for a time, beyond teal eyes and need-to-know bases, beyond, even, shared pasts and shared costumes and shared fathers. Rain was cobalt, like the grooves in his irises reflecting at least an alchemic silver lining if not his brother’s whole love.

Raking up the quiet, Jason speaks, “Trust fund baby? Seriously, that’s what got under your skin? Which of the implications was worse? That you were a snob or that you were a Wayne. Or weren’t a Wayne, as it goes.”

“Both! Neither. It was you wanting to hurt me because of it,” Dick snaps, instantly pissed off again. He ignores the tension line at one corner of his brother’s mouth, breaking it apart in his mind and scattering it to pieces. It’s only flesh, after all.

“Fuck you, Dick,” Jason says, in a low voice. His pulse is hammering. Common courtesy dictates he not raise his voice inside of doors and out of anger. “Not everybody has to love you all of the time. You didn’t for me. You aren’t for Bruce.”

“I do love Bruce.” He’s a father to me, as much as you are a brother to me, he doesn’t say.

“Then why don’t you tell him that and stop dragging me down the roads of your guilty conscience.”

For the gravid space of a breath, it really seems like Dick is going to lose his temper and explode into dynamite violence. Then he winces, as if going against a great backlash. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take any of this out on you.”

“That’s exactly what I mean, Dick.” No moniker for his name this time. “Forget about walking on eggshells; you are an emotional rhino in a china shop.” Jason fumbles a cigarette to his lips. “Except the china shop is holiday hullabaloo.” He fishes for his lighter, mumbling something about how his skinny ninny brother is a rhino, and can he believe this.

“I just miss knowing that I can’t lose my family at even the best of times. Don’t smoke in here.”

And because Jason’s feeling generous, he obeys, but he doesn’t remove the stick from his mouth. He rolls it with his tongue, longingly, between the borders of his lips. Nicotine is his sunrise; his lips, the horizon.

It is then that Tim and Damian file back into the room.

“I thought we were going for brunch,” says Dick in a flat voice, nonplussed when Tim, wearing a tasteful burgundy button-up, makes his way to the coffee pot for a second mug. Damian is wearing black slacks that look as though they’d been recently pressed by Alfred.

“That, too,” Jason remarks, in an offhand way.  “But first you’re getting your Christmas present early, Dickface. Now go change. I’m cashing in on a few favors for this one.”

It isn’t until they are all four crammed into Jason’s beat-up ‘93 Mazda – with Dick wisely refraining from asking if it’s a stolen vehicle – that Jason spills the beans, reveals that they’re going to get their picture taken together, but doesn’t point out that Dick hasn’t hung a single portrait on a single wall of his apartment in any of the years that he’s lived there because Dick won’t hang anything if he can’t hang a picture of his family, and that’s why Jason’s taking them to the seedy studio of an even seedier acquaintance to get this done.

“You mean… You guys didn’t stay over just because Alfred cleared you out so he could wrap presents for under the tree?”

“Cripes no. Don’t ask stupid questions. You know how many rooms are in the Manor and you know how resourceful Alfred can be. We came because I rallied the troops.”

And Dick is moved to tears. His eyes are hot and runny, even after he adjusts the sticking vent in the dashboard. In the rearview mirror he watches Damian glaring balefully out of the window, but Dick knows by Damian’s acquiescent silence that the littlest bird isn’t actually bothered in the least. Dick sees Tim’s tired reflection but knows by the tall mug Tim’s holding that he doesn’t mind trying.

Dick scrubs his face with his knuckles. “You know, Jay, you don’t have to start a fight with me every time you want to make me feel better.” He raises both hands in a gesture of truce to ward off Jason’s dark scowl. “Though I appreciate the effort!”

“I wouldn’t have to if you didn’t always make it so hard for yourself. Self-saboteur. Quit flattering yourself. And anyway… It kinda wasn’t completely your fault. I was being… well… you-ish.”

Dick chuckles but wetly, in pieces over this whole being loved thing, and leans his head wordlessly against the passenger-side window.

After a few miles, he is distracted by a murmur coming from Jason – not so much by the sound as by the gravitas of the timbre applied to meet Dick halfway. It’s another Animal Crossing quote, of all things, and considering that Tim had formulated a calculation for the minimum mandatory animal conversations Jason was likely to play through in a given day, it isn’t at all surprising to Dick that Jason can recite verbatim:

“‘Everything you hold dear is under attack, and they’re going to do whatever they can to take it away.’” There is a considering lull – and Dick’s smile is lopsided and peaking – before Jason gives him a hard look. “‘It’s you…versus the ants.’”

Dick sits up straight. He reaches for a knob and clicks on the radio. It is Perry Como again, crooning the classic. Dick turns it up.

“Thank you, Little Wing.”

“Merry Christmas, Big Bird.”

Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays ♫ ‘Cause no matter how far away you roam ♫ If you wanna be happy in a million ways ♫ For the holidays you can’t beat home sweet home! ♫

[wearetakingthehobbitstogallifrey]

Thanks for the tag, @theamiableanachronism!  I really enjoyed this one!

rules: choose any 3 fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions. then tag some friends.

i choose: • Batfam • Scarlet Heart Ryeo • The Walking Dead

the first character you loved:

• Bruce Wayne and Alfred.  My first real intro to the Batfam and DC was Batman Begins, and I thought Bruce Wayne was the coolest, bravest guy ever.  And Alfred was THE BEST.  Kind, fatherly/grandfatherly, loyal, sarcasm lord

• Wang So.  Obviously.  Even before I had actually seen a single episode, because I heard he had a tragic story, and he was also as beautiful as an angel.  A dark, wounded angel, but an angel none the less.  When he stormed onto the scene and revealed himself to totally be a murder angst cupcake, as advertised, well, I was bewitched

• Dear sweet Glenn, who sasses the heck out of Rick while saving his butt.  Yeah, Glenn, the pizza delivery boy who was the bravest, most unselfish of them all.  Who became one of the most trusted leaders.  He could have turned and left Rick to die, no one would have known or cared, but he didn’t.  He helped out a stranger, and saved a heck ton of other people by that simple act.

the character you never expected to love so much:

• All the Robins, honestly.  Look, when I watched the Dark Knight trilogy, all I knew about Robin was from a clip or two I had seen of the old campy Batman show, and I kind of was glad a legit Robin never showed up in the films just because I thought it would be ridiculous.  I was SO wrong.  I had no idea.   I had no idea what dark, tragic, beautiful, light, funny, DEEP stories surrounded the MANY kids who would take up the Robin mantle

• Eun, I guess. I never hated him, but since he was always rather immature, it was easy to laugh at him and make fun of the things he did.  Then things happened, and while he remained naive in many ways, it was rather sweet and sad at the same time.  My dorky son deserved better

•Daryl Dixon.  Starts out seeming like a rough, angry, slightly racist redneck whose one redeeming quality is his concern for his even more messed up brother.  And then I realized how much of a softy he was underneath everything, how much he cared about Sophia, and how it destroyed him what happened to her.  I saw him connect with Carol, and befriend Rick and Glenn, and become Rick’s brother essentially, and be softened by Beth.  And as the seasons go on he becomes more badass, more caring, more indispensible to the group, and he loses the undesirable traits he picked up from his childhood.  We find out what his childhood was.  Daryl with Glenn is Rick’s right-hand man, and HE JUST CARES SO MUCH ABOUT EVERYTHING DON’T EVEN TRY TO DENY IT MAN

*I’m gonna cheat and add another person for TWD: Carl.  In the first season or two he is a little kid, kind of annoying at times, but boy does he grow up and mature.  It’s a terrible tragedy what he goes through, the things he sees and has to do that no kid should ever have to.  But he is so freaking strong, and he respects his dad so much, and I love his friendship with Michonne.  I love his concern for his little sister.  I love how he shoulders responsibility, how he does what he thinks is necessary, how he worries sometimes that he is becoming a monster too.  I FREAKING LOVE HOW HE WILL nOT PUT UP WITH NEGAN HE HAS NO EFFS TO GIVE FOR THE GUY HE IS TOO MAD AND HAS SEEN TOO MUCH

the character you relate to the most:

• Well, I can relate to Jason’s love for books, to Tim’s often more quiet and reserved nature.  However, I definitely relate to Dick Grayson the most.  He is more outgoing than me, more outspoken, but he has such great love for his friends and family.  The care for his little brothers (in canon and fanon) is something that particularly calls my attention.  You see, besides two older siblings, I have four younger brothers, and I have helped raise them, I have fought against them, fought with them, fought for them, laughed with them, and busted with pride over their accomplishments.  I have been the person who tried to organize them, to tease them, to keep the peace, to enforce the peace.  And maybe I am projecting but I just really see a lot of myself in Nightwing.  The man who hopes, the man who tries to bring light to the darkest of places, the man others trust to help them when they fall.  (I also just hold him in the deepest admiration and its a thing, I try to be a better and braver person so that if he were real I would be worthy of his friendship and respect...)

• A little bit Hae Soo, because I also would get increasingly frustrated by the culture at the time.  We also share a deep love with Wang So :)  Seriously though...maybe Baek Ah?  Because he is the quiet and introspective type, he suffers quietly, he listens and hears things and tries to help those who need it, he tries to bring the outcast brother back into the family.  He is a healer of sorts, a healer of the heart, and he loves little kids and everything beautiful.  He sees things.  

• Maybe this is me projecting again but Glenn?  Kinda small and nerdy, scared of a lot of things, but bravely keeps on trucking.  And slowly rises to being one of the most integral parts of the group.  A man who has strong morals and isn’t afraid to punch an ex-military man twice his size if that man gets between him and the people he loves

the character you’d slap:

• I’d say the Joker but honestly he deserves something more like a bullet to the head.  I would totally slap a lot of the writers who don’t know what character development means, and I would slap at least half the Batfam because sometimes they just don’t know how to communicate feelings properly.  And they frequently hurt each other even without meaning to.  After all of this, however, I would pull them all in for individual hugs.  Oh, I will also totally slap anyone who ever so much as tries to give Dick Grayson grief about the awful things that happened in the Blockbuster and Tarantula incident

• Wook.  UGH.  Also his sister and Queen Yoo.  The king, whatshisface.  Taejo?  also the little creep Won.  I would slap Yo but I would be afraid to mess up his eyeliner, which is on point at all times and is too wonderful to destroy

• Andrea.  I am so sorry but I could not stand that woman ever.  I rarely actively dislike a fictional person, and I apologize to fans of the comics, I realize that the show screwed over her character, but I despise Andrea with everything I’ve got.  Mostly because she runs around proclaiming how much better she is than everyone while at the same time making colossal mistakes.  And honestly her end was ridiculous.  If Glenn can take out a walker while beaten up and duct-taped to a chair, you can figure out how to pick up pliers with your feet

three favourite characters (in order of preference):

• Dick Grayson is the love of my life, and then I guess Bruce, Jason, Tim, and Damian are tied for second place, and then directly behind them are Barbara, Cass, and Steph (I need to read more comics and fics about them, and I am sure they will advance to make the second tier even more crowded).  Alfred is in a special category all on his own

• Wang So (love of my life), Bae(k) Ah, and I guess a tie with Hae Soo, Jung, Woo Hee, and Lady Oh

• Glenn is first in my heart now and forever, and Carl, Daryl, Carol, Michonne, Maggie, and Rick all hold second place.  I like a lot of the other characters, but I’m going to give third place to Tara, and she doesn’t have to share with anyone.  She is just that cool (also awkward and adorkable)

a character you liked at first but not anymore:

• I love every single member of the Batfam to with all my heart.  (The ones I am familiar with, don’t know much about Duke and Harper yet.)  To go beyond, to characters in the universe, well I won’t say I ever liked the Joker but I thought he was a really great bad guy, Batman’s ultimate foe, someone who should always be around throwing wrenches into things and whatnot.  This was after I had seen him in the The Dark Knight.  Then I started actually reading comics related things and HE KILLED JASON TODD.  MY SON.  NOW I DON’T CARE I WANT THE JOKER DEAD I WANT HIM DESTROYED, OBLITERATED, AND NEVER LOOKED BACK ON. 

• Wook. I thought he was occasionally sweet, if not exactly the strongest of persons.  And then I met his wife, who deserved SO MUCH BETTER.  And then Wook revealed himself to be a jealous little eggshell

• SHANE.  He’s kind of like The Walking Dead’s version of Scarlet Heart Ryeo’s Wook.  Originally a decent guy, a good friend, but when things go south, he gets selfish and self-centered and bad things happen.

a character you did not like at first but now do:

• No one really?  I think?  Unless you want to bring the show Gotham into this picture...which I don’t, because that would also make me want to write a book about my love for it and certain of its characters

• can’t think of anyone this applies to

• Hmm, I guess Herschel? He was kind of annoying with his whole “let’s round up walkers and take care of them in my barn.”  Then tragedy and a near death experience and eventually he winds up being the cool old grandpa

3 otp’s (in order of preference):

• I actually don’t have a strong preference as of yet...I kind of like BatCat, Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle.  I haven’t experienced much media with either pairing yet so I have read and enjoyed both DickBabs (I still say it should be Dabs) and DickKori.  Ooh I like Tim/Steph (is there a ship name for that?).  I ship Jason with happiness.  Actually I ship the whole Batfam with happiness and peace and a good night’s sleep.  I don’t ship Damian with anyone because he is just a bby birb :)

• SoSoo, Baek Ah x Woo Hee, Eun and Soon Duk (Deok?).  Also, So x Happiness/Peace/A Living Family Who Loves Him

• GLENN AND MAGGIE FOREVER.  TO INFINITY AND BEYOND.  Richonne is great and I definitely like Caryl.  (I shipped Bethyl just a little, once upon a dream.)

this was fun :) if any of y’all want to do this @itspileofgoodthings @thelonelybrilliance @nalavistahlia @blackaquokat @castieltaking-hobbits2gallifrey @camsthisky @abadpoetwithdreams @tabbyofwisdom ...I feel like there are other people I want to tag but it is way late (early) and my brain is dead forgive me if I left you out and please consider yourself tagged!

[digidetective-shararaizel]

Reader Request Drabble: Butlers

Summery: For Nobodystormcrow on AO3 - “JARVIS and Alfred snippet, please?”

Takes place a month after Tim starts Robin training.

I wasn't too sure what the requester meant by "JARVIS and Alfred snippet," but this turned out into trying to show a bit of Tim's interactions and thoughts on his relationship with both JARVIS and Alfred

basically ended up being a drabble about the Batfam learning about Tim and Tony's Godparent/Godchild relationship ^_^''

Full series AO3 link

My Master List for Fan Fiction

Butlers

2009

Tim let out a sigh as he turned off the nice warm water from the shower in the Batcave that had help sooth his sore and aching body. Mr. Wayne wasn’t going easy on him at all with his training, always pushing Tim to his limits. They’d only been training for less than a month, but Tim could already tell he was improving. He’d lasted longer today than he had during their previous sparring sessions.

After Tim pulled on a fresh pair of sweatpants and a loose T-shirt out of the stash of clothes that were kept in the Batcave for these occasions, he reentered the main part of the cave and noticed that Alfred Pennyworth was waiting with a plate of cookies and hot chocolate. Bruce was nowhere to be seen, undoubtedly getting ready to head out for patrol.

“Thanks, Alfred,” Tim smiled as he took a cookie off the plate.

“My pleasure, Master Timothy,” the butler said kindly. “A room has been made up for your stay with us this weekend…”

Tim nibbled on a cookie as Alfred’s words flowed over him. He hadn’t really noticed it at first, due to his nerves and wish to make a good impression on Mr. Wayne and Dick Grayson, but now that he’d been relatively accepted into the group and was being trained to be the next Robin, Tim had started to notice how similar Alfred was to JARVIS in tone and cadence in their voices as they talked. There was also a similar level of snark and sarcasm that dripped with every exasperated comment they aimed at those they served.

It was funny, but despite the fact that Alfred, being an older man, had a more, well, older , sounding tenor, compared to JARVIS’s younger sounding voice, they conveyed such similar emotions and styles of speech. So similar in fact, Tim often thought that if JARVIS had an actual physical form, he’d look a lot like a younger Alfred, perhaps. Yes, he knew about Edwin Jarvis, whom JARVIS had been named for and he’d seen pictures, but it was hard to put JARVIS’s voice to Edwin Jarvis’s face.

“Master Timothy?”

“Sorry, Alfred,” Tim said, smiling sheepishly. “I must have spaced out.”

“Must be some rather heavy thoughts to distract you from Alfred’s cookies and hot chocolate,” a familiar voice piped up.

Tim spun around in his seat and spotted Nightwing as the older teen leaned over the handlebars on his cycle, grinning up at TIm and Alfred.

“Not really,” Tim said, hunching his shoulders. “I was really just thinking that Alfred reminded me of someone I knew, that’s all.”

“Oh really?” Nightwing chuckled as he slid off his bike and flipped up to where they were so that he could snatch up one of Alfred’s cookies. “Know a lot of old fashioned English butlers that keep their superhero charges in line?”

Before Tim could answer, his cellphone rang. Tim frowned as he pulled it out of his pocket, only to find that it was not ringing. Then he realized that it had to be his other phone - the one that Tony had given him. He could have sworn that he’d turned it off before he started training that evening.

“You have two cellphone, Master Timothy?,” Alfred mused, eyeing the sleeker second phone. It was obviously Stark Tech. Even Nightwing was raising an eyebrow at the device.

“This is my emergency backup phone,” Tim explained. “Only one person ever really calls me on this.” Well. One person and one AI. Tim looked at the caller ID and saw that it was JARVIS calling. “Hello?”

“ Master Timothy ,” the AI greeted. “ It is good to hear from you. ”

“It’s nice to hear from you too JARV, but why the call?” Tim asked. JARVIS had never initiated phone calls before. It was usually Tim who called to update the AI on what was going on in his life or to vent at whenever he couldn’t personally reach Tony. If Tim was being painfully honest with himself, JARVIS was his best friend. He could tell the AI anything. Well… almost anything. He hadn’t breathed a word about training to become the next Robin on the off chance the AI got protective of him and either informed Tony or strongly hinted at it enough for his dad to figure it out himself. It’d happened before.

“ I am so sorry to be calling so late, but I thought that it was in Sir’s best interest if you were notified and could possibly convince Sir that staying up for 56 hours working in blackout conditions in the lab is detrimental to one’s health. ”

“Say no more. Put me through, JARVIS,” Tim sighed, but fidgeted when he realized that Bruce was back in full Batman regalia and had joined Nightwing and Alfred in staring at him.

Nightwing looked confused, but both Bruce and Alfred seemed surprised and curious.

“ He-low! ” Tony’s voice said over the line, slurred slightly either from alcohol, lack of sleep or a combination of the two.

“Tony,” Tim said neutrally.

“ Timmy! ”

“Why is JARVIS calling to inform me that you’ve been up 56 hours straight?” Tim asked.

Silence.

“Tony?” Tim prodded.

“ This situation feels very backwards ,” Tony huffed. “ Shouldn’t I be telling you to go to bed? ”

“I’m not the one who’s been awake for 56 hours playing around in the lab,” Tim huffed.

Tony grumbled unintelligibly for a moment.

“Tony, go to bed. Whatever you’re working on can wait another 8 hours for you to recharge,” Tim chuckled, shaking his head.

“ And if I don’t? ”

“I’ll have JARVIS call Colonel Rhodes and Miss Potts on you,” Tim said, grinning. Even Batman and Alfred looked amused, while Nightwing only looked more confused than ever.

“ You wouldn’t .”

“I would,” Tim said. “And if JARVIS doesn’t inform me that you’ve gone to sleep within the next hour, I’m telling my mother on you.”

“ You cruel child! You and JARVIS are traitors! ”

“I’m sure Mother would be very appalled to hear what a bad example you are setting for you Godson,” Tim sighed.

“ You play dirty, Drake brat ,” Tony huffed, but Tim could hear the undertones of amusement in his voice.

“I learned from the best, Mr. Stark,” Tim quipped, grinning when he saw Nightwing’s jaw drop in shock. Even Batman looked a little surprised. Alfred only looked put together as always, but his eyes flashed with amusement.

“ Brat ,” Tony grumbled.

“Old man,” Tim snickered. “Now go to bed Tony, before I make good on my threats. JARVIS, you know what to do.”

“ Indeed, Master Timothy. Thank you and goodnight ,” JARVIS said.

The line clicked and Tim slipped his phone back into his pocket with the other one.

“You know Tony Stark?” Nightwing asked, bewildered.

“Since the day I was born,” Tim said, shrugging. “Mother and Father made him my Godfather. He visits whenever he’s in Gotham. Especially if he’s got a new car or something for his collection. He’s the one that taught me about engineering and mechanics, and everything I know about hacking.”

“You are full of surprises, aren’t you, Master Timothy?” Alfred asked.

Tim shrugged bashfully, watching as Batman remained quiet. There was a tightness in the man’s shoulders and a pained pinch to his mouth. Then he turned away and headed towards the batmobile, but not before glancing at Jason Todd’s memorial case. Tim felt his heart sink. Just what had he done now to remind Bruce of his former partner? He looked back at Nightwing and Alfred, but Nightwing only shook his head.

“Stark taught Jason a lot about mechanics and hacking too,” Nightwing muttered before heading off to join Bruce.

Tim watched sadly as the Batmobile raced out of the cave with Nightwing on his bike in hot pursuit.

“Why don’t we retire for the evening, Master Timothy?” Alfred suggested after a long quiet moment. “I’ll reheat the hot chocolate and we can go over your homework together.”

“I’d like that, Alfred,” Tim sighed. “Thanks.”

“It is no trouble, young man,” the butler said, leading the way back up to the mansion proper.

Author’s Note:

This part I actually wrote this afternoon. I hadn't been sure what to write for this request for a while, but while going back over the "Jason death reveal" drabble I'd written last night and rereading some of the previous chapters, I came up with the idea that JARVIS and Alfred must really sound alike to Tim after a while. They're both British more-than-bulter types with a penchant to use subtle sass and sarcasm. So a younger Alfred is what Tim imagines when he thinks about JARVIS having a human form. They both address Tim as Master Timothy, and tend to sass Bruce and Tony in similar manners. Basically, in my head-canon, a younger Alfred supplied his voice when Tony was refining JARVIS's program after losing Howard, Maria, and Edwin Jarvis in the "car crash."

So, yeah. Tim finding similarities between JARVIS and Alfred is mostly because they share the same voice. Alfred was the closest in tone and tenor of voice that Tony could get after loosing the human Jarvis. Alfred did this because he is in fact very fond of Tony, and when he feels comfortable enough to drop formalities, he'll address Tony only as "Anthony". No Master. No Mr. Just Anthony, something he only does with Bruce on rare private occasions. If Bruce is Alfred's pseudo son, than Tony is his pseudo nephew. I hinted in the Two Robins and a Nightwing chapter that Alfred knew Edwin Jarvis. I'm not saying they were brothers, but I can see them as cousins of some sort. They were close before Edwin's untimely death at any rate despite living of opposite ends of the country, and Alfred saw the same pain in Tony that he saw in a younger Bruce after Edwin's passing. So I imagine Alfred and JARVIS conspiring a lot to keep their charges safe, healthy, and in line. ...I may have to write that at some point. :P