#oh is that all? just change your entire worldview?

[blueboyluca]

“Dogs are not stubborn, spiteful, or withholding. They either haven’t been adequately taught and the behavior sufficiently proofed, or they have not been motivated to act. There are no other options.

In a related development, training in the scientific manner also requires that massive and personally challenging thing called a paradigm shift (with apologies for resorting to a cliché, but it is the only shoe that fits here). One must get out from under historically weighty beliefs, which also happen to be utterly wrong, of how dogs work.

As with a bridge, though, these conceptions of dogs amount to pilings that are sunk deep, through multiple geologic layers of belief. You have to pull them out from the sucking notions of free will. And beneath that from wishful thinking. And beneath that from bedrock beliefs of what we’re all doing here in the first place.

Oh, is that all? Just change the worldview bequeathed to you by thousands of years of Western thought, and you, too, can get your dog to come when called.”

— Melissa Holbrook Pierson, The Secret History of Kindness (2015)

[starry-nights-garden]

Ateez Reaction ✧ When they weren't your first bias

✧ Ateez all members x gn!reader ✧ genre: fluff, humor ✧ warnings: none

Hongjoong:

the nr 1 overly attached jealous bf in front of atiny so obviously he has to play his part when he finds out that you originally biased Seonghwa

makes you wish he had never found out tbh jdbdjxjjd

but you just can't deny it when he finds your old stash of Seonghwa photocards

"I'm not upset, it's fine. People's tastes can change." - says that while sounding VERY upset

will leave it at that for now but will get a giggle out of reminding you of this in the most unexpected moments

gives you a gift that you don't react to super enthusiastically: "Well, it doesn’t have Seonghwa’s face on it, so I get that you don't like it."

you don't hug him back once because you're distracted by something else: "Well, I'm not Seonghwa, so I get it."

you don’t pick up his call because you weren’t looking at your phone: “You’d have picked up if it was Seonghwa, right?”

will he ever stop? nobody knows

at this point you can’t even tell whether he’s just messing with you or if he’s actually still petty about it kasdjöfklas

Seonghwa:

his pride is definitely hurt when one day you mention to him that you used to be a Yeosang stan

“What do you mean? Like… I wasn’t your first bias?”

you try to brush it off by telling him people’s tastes change, it’s really not that deep

well, it is that deep to him kasdljföas

“Like… you liked someone else before me? It wasn’t love at first sight??”

turns out he always thought he was your first bias and now you just shattered his entire worldview ksdjfkal

needs to know exactly why you liked him, in as much detail as possible, so he can do better!!

thinks this is some kind of competition, even though your little celebrity crush on Yeosang is long over ksadjflkas

actually it’s quite charming and definitely entertaining to see him making such an effort, so you decide to watch for a while before starting another attempt at reassuring him that he’s just perfect the way he is in your eyes, and he can stop comparing himself with his team member now :’)

Yunho:

deliberately startles you by sneaking up to you from behind when he catches you watching a Mingi fancam

“Oh? What’s that?”

softly laughs at you when you instinctively hide your phone screen jasklfjösadk

but then you also scold him for surprising you like that

he’s quick to apologize and sits down next to you, already having figured out what’s going on

“Was your first bias Mingi?” - you can’t but admit to it

but Yunho just acknowledges it with a nod - he knows you like him best now and he doesn’t mind that you used to like someone else

“So your type are tall guys?” he questions and then laughs about it

yeah, this one’s just completely chill about it, really he sees no reason why he would be upset about something like this

Yeosang:

barely even reacts when you tell him that your first bias was Jongho

"Ah." - simply shrugs it off??

so you go on with your conversation which eventually drifts off to a different topic

you're thankful that he doesn't really mind or seem jealous

you'd go as far as to say you're glad you have such a mature boyfriend!!

... until you're about to walk away to go do something else and you hear him mutter something under his breath

"I'm much better than him anyway."

???

so you turn around and say "what" and he's fully ready to explain lol

"Well, first of all I'm more handsome than him. I'm also much nicer to you. Also I personally think I'm a better dancer."

gives you a full list of reasons why he’s better than him that sounds a little too much like he had prepared it in advance jcjdjxjx

San:

“Wow, Y/N, I expected better from you!!”

ngl you’re scared to death when you hear him yelling that from the other room, but once you find him holding up all your Wooyoung merch the tension leaves your body at once

obviously the first thing that comes to mind is asking him whether he’s jealous that you used to bias his best friend aksdjflkas

“I mean- You never even told me about this!!”

you try to calm him down by telling him it was just a phase, San is now your nr 1, etcetc, but he just won’t let it be

“No, I mean… how can you keep these when you’re dating me now…” his voice just gets smaller and smaller sakdfjlas

poor bby is actually upset about this, so you resort to the only thing you can imagine would work to calm him down

you take the merch away from him and give him a big hug, letting him rest his head against your shoulder

he pouts at you and makes you kiss him as reassurance, because he is obviously jealous, but also he would never admit that out loud laskdjfka

tries to act like nothing happened after getting all the cuddles he needs to feel better about it lol

Mingi:

it’s when you’re cleaning your apartment together that you stumble upon all of your Yunho merch and you immediately feel guilty about keeping it a secret from him

you figured he might be hurt over it, and though you were looking for a good time to tell him about it, that moment just never came

“Ah, right… I used to be Yunho biased actually…” you briefly explain and try to laugh it off

“Yeah, I knew about that.” - his unbothered reaction catches you off guard, so you ask if he’s not upset

“Why would I be upset? He’s my bias too!” 

?????????

ends up looking through your collection with you and you swear he has heart eyes a few too many times aksdfjökas

so all’s well that ends well, right? wrong.

because several days later he will wake you up in the middle of the night and confess that maybe he is a little jealous after all…

needs you to reassure him that you’re nothing more than Yunho’s fan, and Mingi is the one you love the most now!!

Wooyoung:

"What do you mean, you liked Hongjoong??"

you can tell it never even crossed this guy's mind that you could've ever biased someone other than him lol

when it eventually finished sinking in and he stops perplexedly staring at you he just??? pats you on the back??

"Aaaaa, you did well choosing me over him!"

pats your head now??

"I'm actually much better than that guy, you know!!"

gives you a full on speech about how awesome he is and explains to you in detail how basically you'd be doomed if you dated Hongjoong lol

"I mean, he's a great guy! Don't get me wrong! But taking care of you? I mean, come on. You know you can always rely on me, but him??"

expects you to praise him and tell him he's right at the end of it

WILL complain if you don't do that, and the only way to console him is you stroking his ego a bit and lots of kisses :')

Jongho:

when one day you casually mention to him that you used to bias San, you can literally see his brain trying to process that fact

starts sulking???

acts like he's super upset and lowkey complains while just pouting about it

you know he's acting but what you don't know is whether he's just acting or if he's also a little upset (he's VERY upset)

he's also so so embarrassed that he's this upset about something so stupid, so obviously he has to do his utmost to confuse you so you wouldn’t notice his inner turmoil djbdbd

he'll eventually get over it, but the initial shock runs deep lol

will definitely tease you about it at some point or use it as a way to win an argument jdbdhhd

"Oh, would you have been upset about that if it was San too?"

and well, now you're angry, so he's quick to make it clear that he was just joking and will definitely make it up to you with a kiss

[prentissluvr]

now you know — sam winchester

cw : gn!awkward!reader, hurt/comfort, fluff, canon typical violence and monsters, near drowning experience, poor editing as usual, 6.8K words. part two of makes you wonder.

summary : you become more entangled in "agent" sam's case when you come across the monster he seeks. pronunciation guide (using scottish gaelic) : each-uishge — yahk-oosh-ga. [ disclaimer, i found this on the internet! i’m not scottish nor do i speak scottish gaelic, so correct me if i'm wrong ! ]

MOVED BLOGS TO @sammyluvr !! no longer active on this blog! all fics can be found there!

the bar isn’t your go-to spot after work, mostly because that means you have to talk to people for some reason or another, but you’re feeling good tonight. good, and also still questioning your entire worldview so you figure it’s a good time as any to get a drink.

you’re halfway through your drink, eyes downcast and tracking the details of the table’s wood, when a hand on the back of the chair across from you snags your attention. you look up, slightly startled by the sudden appearance of a stranger. the first thing you notice is how beautiful he is. his rich, lightly curled dark brown hair and finely sculpted features are the kind of handsome that resemble a classic greco-roman kind of beauty.

his unrealistically good looks and charming scottish accent as he asks, “would you mind if i sit here?” almost disarm you completely before you remember that means you’ll have to talk to him. plus, you have a date to schedule with your mysterious agent sam.

“well, i’m headed home soon, so i guess that’s alright,” you say, trying to immediately display your disinterest without flat out rejecting him. when he slides into the chair with a smile that teeters between sleezy and charming, you wish you’d just said no.

“maybe i can change your mind,” he drawls, and you have to hold back from physically cringing. you now desperately want him to go, but don’t know how to get him to politely after having made the mistake letting him sit. “let me buy you another drink,” he offers.

you shake your head. “no, that’s– that’s not really very necessary. this is enough for me,” you refuse, motioning to your half-empty glass.

“oh, come darlin’! a free drink might not be necessary, but it surely’s a nicety, don’t ya think?” he raises a thick, neatly groomed eyebrow at you, making an unfortunately successful attempt at a handsome, flirty look. 

for once, you hope that your smile looks just as pained and awkward as it feels. “it’s a kind offer, i just, you know, don’t want another drink, so… that’s okay.”

he lifts his hands a little to signal surrender. “your loss then, love.” as he searches for some other flirty quip that might persuade you better, he runs a frustrated hand through his hair, and if you weren’t paying close attention in that exact moment, you would’ve completely missed the sprinkle of sand that falls from his hair and into his lap at the movement. you inhale sharply, suddenly afraid.

you try to sound casual when you pull a classic, “you know, i should really get going. i have an early morning tomorrow.” gathering your stuff up into your arms, you stand and try to convince yourself that you’re seeing things and that even if there was sand in his hair, it was just a coincidence. “have a nice night!”

then, as you spare him one last glance, he tilts his head when he bids you a flirtatious goodbye. “hope to see you here again,” he grins and a few more grains of sand fall to his shoulder, it’s light color stark against the dark fabric of his button up shirt. you try to stay unreadable, but your gaze follows the sand as it falls and his eyes follow yours to his shoulder. he brushes the dirt off and a dangerous look crosses his face. quite frankly, the look terrifies you, so you don’t waste a second to spin on your heel and rush out of the building towards your parked car.

the moment your back is turned, you’re digging around your bag until you find sam’s business card. with shaky hands and hurried feet, you punch the phone number into your phone and hold it to your ear, silently begging for him to pick up as you exit the building and the cool air of the night hits you.

“hello?” comes the newly familiar voice of sam through the phone speaker.

“sam! hi, it’s me, from the museum. you know, earlier today,” you think your voice may have come out a little panicked.

“yeah, yeah, of course,” he answers, voice please at first, then turning more serious, “good to hear from you, is everything alright? it’s sort of late.” he seems to have picked up on the scared edge to your voice. 

“i, um, god, i’m about to sound a little bit insane, but i’m just gonna say it. are you a real fbi agent? if yes, that’s great and i’m probably just really paranoid and making things up, if not, can i say something sort of crazy because i think that you might actually believe me? you know, if you’re, uh– not actually an fbi agent who thinks that totally normal reasons can explain those deaths you’re investigating?” you ramble, stumbling awkwardly through your words and feeling like a complete fool. there’s a moment of silence where you curse the fact that you had to park so far away, because you just want to be safely tucked into your car and headed home. the thought that sam thinks you’re totally off your rocker crosses your mind.

but sam’s sigh on the other line sounds almost relieved, and he answers. “i’m not– not an fbi agent. and trust me, whatever you could say that you might think is crazy, is probably nothing compared to some of the shit i’ve seen, so you can say whatever it is. i promise i won’t think you’re crazy.”

“okay,” you say breathlessly as your vague suspicions are confirmed. then you let it just tumble from your lips. “i think that the each-uisge is real and that i just met it and–” you cut yourself off when you hear something behind you. you’ve been so focused on sam that you haven’t been paying enough attention to anything else, and when you whip your head around, you see the man from the bar following you from a bit of a distance. you draw in a sharp breath of fear.

“shit,” sam curses, “where? you gotta get away from it, meet me at the–,” he instructs quickly.

you cut him off, real panic entering your voice as you pick up your speed, almost at a run. “fuck, sam, he’s coming for me, i think– i– i don’t know. but he had sand in his hair and he saw me looking at it and he’s following me and i’m almost to my car,” you ramble, glancing over your shoulder. the man is closer than before, he’s clearly picked up his own pace as well. “but he’s getting closer and i don’t have any iron or silver or anything and i–”

“hey, hey, listen to me. run as fast as you can to your car. you’re gonna be okay.” sam’s calm and level headedness are helpful, and immediately, you begin to sprint. but with a glance backwards, you see the thing gaining on you with unnatural speed. “drive anywhere and i’ll track your phone, i’m already on my way to come get you, okay? you’re gonna be fine.” 

you don’t realize you’re crying until you choke on your tears when you try to speak. “sam i– i don’t think i can make it, he’s too fast. the lake isn’t far from here, just head there, i–” you scream when an unnaturally strong hand clamps around your wrist.

you hear sam shout your name as you’re whirled around to face the creepy man from the bar. you try to pull away, but his skin is like adhesive, literally. you can feel your skin sticking to his like there’s super glue leaking from his pores.

“sam, please,” you sob out before the phone is ripped out of your hand and tossed aside. the man, or creature, or whatever bares his teeth in your face.

“it’s too late, sweetheart. all that hunter’s gonna find of you is your liver in the water. but you already know that, don’t you? hmm? how’d you know what i am?” he snarls, tugging you closer to him and smirking.

you don’t answer, just growl in frustration and struggle helplessly against him. “let me go!” you demand through tears.

“‘fraid that’s not an option, lass.” he smirks, then he’s yanking you behind him, pressing you into his back and in horror, you realize that his shape is changing right against you until you’re stuck to the back of a tall, dark horse, high above the ground. you let out a strangled scream and desperately struggle to get off. but, just as the folklore tells it, his sleek coat is impossibly sticky, as the lake must be close enough for him to smell its waters.

the horse leaps into a gallop, and another yelp is pulled from your lips from the speed he takes off at. panic rips through you and you grip the hair of the horse’s mane to keep your upper body from being yanked backwards. in a small moment of clear thinking, you keep your other hand from touching the horse. indeed, even his mane is adhesive, and you’re now stuck with just a single free hand. 

the streets and buildings are a complete blur to you with the combination of such speed and the tears in your eyes. all you can tell is when the town fades into the forest, and you’re being torn at by harsh, unforgiving tree branches. at this point, you know that begging or screaming is useless. so, you let tears be ripped from your eyes and pulled into the air by the wind rippling past you, and silently beg to whatever entity may be listening that sam gets to you on time.

suddenly, you’ve torn past the trees and straight into the shallow waters of the lake, and your hope fades. in seconds, your feet dip into the cold shock of water, and you think of how you never imagined your life would end this way. mostly because you didn’t think that shape-shifting killer horse-men were real, but here you are.

as your helplessness increases, you remember the silver necklace around your neck. it’s small, mostly likely inconsequential, but you still yank it off of your neck and press it against the neck of the large animal. it rears up, whinnying in pain, and you would’ve fallen and likely cracked your head open if you weren’t stuck to the creature’s back.

the silver clearly burns, but it’s too small to keep the large creature from completing its mission. it’s hungry. 

as your knees dip under the cold water, you hear the rumble of an old engine, then glance back just in time to see a tall, broad silhouette against the car’s bright headlights, running towards you as your waist, then chest are pulled under. 

it’s sam, and he yells your name as he splashes into the dark water. you choke out his name, then gulp in a full breath as the water reaches your chin, then swallows you up whole. it’s coldest against your head, suffocating and heavy and horrifying.

you don’t stop struggling when you’re submerged, hoping maybe the adhesive wears up under water. of course, you’re not so lucky, but your struggle seems to slow down the horse as it dives deeper into the water. there’s a long, torturous moment that passes where you’re positive that sam will be too late; your lungs already burn and you don’t think it’ll take too long for you to be drowned and eaten by something that probably shouldn’t exist.

but, your hopelessness is interrupted when the dulled light of his flashlight hits you, just as it begins to flicker and fail from being under water. then, his long arm is reaching out, grabbing hold of the horses mane to tug himself closer. the horse attempts to kick him away, but sam is able to sink a long dagger blade into the horse’s neck. a shudder passes through the monster, then it stills, and your immediately begin to float away from it. it’s magical properties fail as it dies, dark blood oozing out into the water. 

in a haze, you notice the water tainted with blood is warmer. it’s darkness and the way it seeps through the water reminds you of the ink of a squid. in a split second, sam’s strong arm wraps around your waist as his flashlight dies and the darkness in your vision isn’t just from the loss of light, but the loss of consciousness too. 

you do your best to cling to your awareness and sam’s broad shoulders, but you go limp in his arms just a few heavy moments before he breaks the surface, gasping and struggling a bit from holding both you and the dagger.

dean is right there to help sam, knee deep in the water. he quickly takes a hold of you and carries you to the edge of the water where he lays you down on your back. sam drops to his knees right beside you, and immediately, his hands are cupping your face, one hand slapping your cheek gently to see if you’ll wake up on your own before he starts cpr.

dean’s about to shove sam out of the way to do it himself, given that he’s far less exhausted, when your eyes fly open and you cough violently, your lungs doing their best to expel the unwelcome water from your lungs. 

even soaked in cold water, sam’s hands are still steady as he turns you to your side and pats your back to be sure that you don’t choke. you can’t really make out what he’s saying, but his voice is comforting as you gasp and sputter, your hands grasping at his for something solid to take hold of. 

“it’s okay, it’s okay. you’re safe now, i got you.” sam reassures, voice soft and steady. he pulls you up and into his chest as your coughing becomes less laden with lake water and more so with tears. it crosses your mind that you hate to be seen so uncomposed and vulnerable, choking a little on your own sobs, shaking from cold and residual fear, and sort of unable to speak after your whole entire view of the world has been grabbed hold of by some other force and tilted to a whole new angle. but you let sam hold you anyways; his broad frame, large set of hands, and hushed voice are so grounding that you wouldn’t dare move away.

you’re vaguely aware of someone else shrugging a warm, dry jacket over your shoulders, and sam is quick to readjust and pull it tight around you. and with that, your head tucked into his neck and your arms wrapped around his middle, you finally begin to calm down. your breathing evens to match the pace of his hand rubbing up and down your back and you shudder against him one last time before you shift to put a palm on the ground and take responsibility for some of your own body weight. you’re still leaning against him, because you’re not sure you could hold yourself up on your own, but you want it to be known that you’re regaining your composure.

the first words that you mean to say to sam are thank you, but the moment you open your mouth, you catch sight of something glinting in the moonlight just a foot or two away. so instead of the gratitude you mean to express, the words, “is that my dirk?” tumble out of your mouth before you can stop them. sam winces guiltily underneath you and in an instant, you’re stumbling to correct yourself.

“oh god, that’s not what i meant to say, i’m so sorry. that is so horribly ungrateful of me,” your voice shakes from the chattering of your teeth as you look at him with total regret. “i was trying to say ‘thank you’ and i got distracted and i said that instead, but i didn’t mean it that way, i was just… confused.” you don’t even catch the way that sam smiles at you, all soft and endeared. 

and in reality, you are worried about the state of your priceless knife. you truly mean that you’re sorry for saying that instead of thank you first, but you still scramble away from sam in order to get the knife in your own hands.

the blade has mostly been washed up by the waters of the lake, but there’s residue of a dark, sticky substance that makes you cringe. but, with a sigh of relief, you realize that there’s no further damage to the artifact and carefully clean it with the still dripping wet fabric of your shirt.

behind you, someone’s laughing and it’s not sam. you finally fully register the presence of another person. you look up to see another man, pretty like sam, but with an amused smirk on his features.

“sorry,” you mumble sheepishly. “thank you, both of you. for, you know, saving my sorry ass.”

“of course,” comes sam’s sincere voice, “i’m just glad we got here in time. i’m sorry this happened. and for stealing your dirk.” you look over at him with an embarrassed, shaky smile. he points to the other man with his chin and you return your gaze to him. “that’s my brother, dean.” dean holds up his hand in a sort of greeting and you nod back.

“let’s get you two dried off,” dean says, voice still a little amused. “where can we drop you?” he asks kindly, stepping towards you and holding out a hand to help you up. you take his hand, still dripping the dagger in your other, and he hoists you up. as you’re still finding your footing, you feel sam by your side, then his big hand on the small of your back keeping you steady.

“thanks,” you murmur to the both of them. sam smiles at you, and dean lets your hand go, knowing that sam will be plenty pleased and anxious to be the one to lead you to the car. he managed to annoy sam into admitting that he asked you out on a date within minutes after he got back to the motel from the museum. sam had been trying not to be too smiley. he absolutely had been all smiley.

now, sam’s not smiling. he’s worried and completely guilt-ridden because he’s managed to see the sweet, awkward, and at ease you, and then a version of you that’s limp in his arms. as he ushers your shaking form into the back of the impala, he wonders if he should call it off. tell you he can’t make it to a date, that there’s a new case and he has to leave right away. not call you back. it’s nowhere near his fault that the each-uisge got to you, and yet, he knows that proximity to him means danger. that’s the last thing that he wants for you, even if he thinks he might want you.

and yet, you shiver and gingerly clutch onto your 16th century scottish dirk in the back seat of his brother’s car and when he glances back at you, you have the audacity to send him an adorable, lopsided little smile. you’ve just found out that monsters are real and nearly drowned at one’s hands and you have the audacity to smile at him? smile at him like you’re just fine when you’re so cold he can see you shivering through the rearview mirror and he feels like it’s his fault? and you look like you feel awkward, like you think smiling at him is the most normal thing you can think to do, and it makes him like you very much.

you’re irresistible, and he’d really like to be able to resist you, for your own sake.

“so,” when you start to speak, your voice trembles a little, just because of the way your teeth chatter. sam’s cold too, but it seems to be affecting you more. “hot, homicidal horse-man shapeshifters from scottish folklore are real,” you state, sounding an odd mix of afraid, confused, and very curious. you lean forward and lean against the seats in front of you. “is there… more?”

sam turns his head to look at you, his face full of regret. “yeah,” he says, sighing. “pretty much anything supernatural you can think of. from werewolves, vampires, and ghosts to djinn, each-uisge.”

“oh,” you ponder, “that’s… insane,” you settle on. sam nods in agreement.

dean lets out a huff of laughter. “you got that right. sounds like you’re handling it pretty okay, though,” he commends you.

you shrug, then admit, “i’m actually… trying not to be excited right now because i almost just died from that shit, but… it’s– sort of, kind of, just a little bit cool to me. to know that it’s all real, not that there’s dangerous creatures out there killing people. very not cool,” you nod at your own words awkwardly, trying to be honest about how you feel without sounding insensitive. “and you two… what? go around and save people from them?” you ask, tilting your head to the side curiously.

“yep,” dean chimes, “we’re hunters. we find monsters and gank ‘em for a living. not that it pays.”

“huh. hunters… that must… suck,” you conclude, then try to backtrack, “not– not that i’m saying it’s not important or– or that your lives suck, or– or… yeah.”

“no, no, it’s okay,” sam assures you, “it kind of does suck. a lot, sometimes, but we… we help people, and it’s worth it.” he wants you to think it sucks. he wants you to hate it and he wants you to think it’s too dangerous and awful that you don’t even want to be associated with him. and at the same time, he wants you to think that he helps, that he thinks it’s worth it because he can’t lie about that either. and he already knows, from the way you’re taking things, you won’t think of it as any reason not to be at least alright with him. god, sam’s got no idea what the hell to think, or what the hell to want.

“yeah,” you nod, “yeah, that’s– that’s good of you two.” you sort of wondered before if all this might change how you feel about going on a date with sam. when you think about it now, it doesn’t. it doesn’t change a thing. you still think he’s delightful. “so… where are you two staying? the bed and breakfast?”

“uh, no, we’re staying in the motel just outta town,” sam answers.

“in that shithole?” you raise your eyebrows skeptically. “gosh, i hear there’s never any hot water.”

“damn straight,” confirms dean with a humorless chuckle. “but we’ve had worse. at least this the water gets lukewarm.” sam shoots dean a look that neither of you catch, and the next words that you say are the reason for it.

“well, you two should come shower in my apartment, then,” you don’t seem to realize that’s a little bit suggestive, but neither could care less. it’s clearly just a kind offer. “it’s always hot and the water pressure is pretty much perfect. and sam, if you’re anywhere near as cold as i am, you definitely need a hot shower.”

“no, no, we shouldn’t,” sam refutes, voice kind and regretful in a way he hadn’t meant to show. “we don’t want to intrude after all the shit from tonight.”

you swallow, wondering if you can convince him to stay without admitting that you’re still scared. but you figure that might be the only way. after saving your life he seems to feel guilty, and you can’t understand why. “you wouldn’t be intruding, i promise. you… you really need a hot shower.”

“i’ll be alright,” he assures you, adding, “i’ve had much worse,” for good measure. he needs you to know that it’s dangerous to know him.

you sigh and sit back, leaning into the leather seat. “would you… would you mind, you know, staying with me a little longer?” you let a little bit of vulnerability seep into your voice; you don’t want to say the words i’m still scared, but you do want to give sam a reason to stay that he’ll actually take.

he glances back at you, and it’s too dark to see the look on his face; still guilty, but soft, warm, and understanding.

“no, no, i wouldn’t mind,” he says, voice extra gentle. you let out a relieved breath, glad that he understood your message. the rest of the car ride is quiet aside from your instructions guiding dean to your apartment. he pulls to the side of the road in front of your building. sam gets out first, opening your door for you and hovering his big palm over your head as you step out of the small car. you thank him quietly with a soft smile. he heads to the trunk to grab a spare change of dry clothes and you pull the big brown leather jacket off of your shoulders. you assume it to be dean’s, so you open the passenger’s side door and hand it to him.

“thank you, dean. you, um, if you want, you’re welcome to take a hot shower here, too,” you offer, noting the way he doesn’t actually park the car or step out himself. 

“that’s alright, sweetheart,” he grins, “i’ll leave you and sammy alone.” his tone is definitely suggestive, and he winks at you. you sputter for a second, then clear your throat awkwardly.

“i, um, sure! sounds good,” you squeak out, quickly retreating from the car and shutting the door. it’s very quiet, but you think you hear dean laughing a little. you try not to look completely embarrassed when sam approaches you.

“dean say he’s not coming?” he asks. 

you shake your head. “uh, n-no he said he’s fine.”

sam raises his eyebrows, but doesn’t say anything about the way you seem much more flustered than you were just moments ago. he’s sure than dean made some inappropriate comment, and he’ll apologize for it later. 

“he say he’d wait here?” he asks instead. the last thing he wants is for dean to have inadvertently invited sam over for the night.

“um, no, i-i figured that he’d- that you’d…” you swallow thickly, unsure how to proceed. then dean shifts the car into drive and begins to pull back into the street.

“dean, wait!” sam calls after him, certainly loud enough to hear. sam is ignored, and the gorgeous black car just rumbles down the street. “god, i’m sorry about him. i’ll call him to pick me up.” he looks at you apologetically but you shake your head.

“no, no, it’s okay! i sort of thought that you… you know, might… stay over? only if you’re okay with that, i- it’s okay if you want him to pick you obviously, but… my couch is free and comfortable. probably better than the shitty motel mattresses.” you look at him, eyes both kind and unsure, and he finally remembers that you’re still shivering, even more without dean’s jacket pulled over your shoulders.

“i… if you’re sure. let’s just get inside for now,” he urges, hovering his hand over your shoulder blade as you both turn and walk into the building. you lead the way to your apartment, quiet and soft in your movements. somehow, sam is softer.

inside, he insists that you don’t worry about him, that you head right into the shower because you’re still shivering and it��s got him really quite worried. but you resist, first grabbing him a dry towel and a big fluffy blanket to warm himself up with while he waits in the living room. you tell him where the mugs and the tea can be found, and that the kettle should boil filtered water only. 

“you should make yourself a hot cup of tea,” you say, and tell him that the decaffeinated green genmaicha is your favorite for this time of night if he’d like to make one for you too. sure that he’d feel unuseful just sitting on the couch, you give him something to do.

when you step into the shower, you expect to be soothed. you expect your shoulders to relax and your limbs to stop shuddering and your teeth to quit chattering. it’s true that the bone deep chill begins to fade, and you stop fearing hypothermia. but you are not near soothed or relaxed. it’s not horrible because of the heat, the light, and the familiar surroundings. but the water on your skin is not as welcome as you’d wished. it’s not cold enough or suffocating enough to pull you back down into the lake with the sticky flesh-eating horse, but it’s not pleasant at all. 

you wash up quickly, then step out, dry off, and get dressed even quicker. you cover yourself in the sort of clothing fit for the middle of winter when you’ve been snowed in. fleece pajama pants, a cotton, crew neck long-sleeved shirt, and a sweatshirt to top it all off with. you don’t forget thick socks or the fuzzy blanket from your bed.

you find sam in your living room, a cup of tea on the coffee table and another in his hands as he stands with the green towel you gave him before wrapped over his shoulders.

“why aren’t you sitting?” you ask, perturbed by the idea that he’s been standing this whole time.

“i… didn’t want to get your furniture wet,” he explains, almost sheepishly. you shake your head at him, half amused by the lengths he goes to be gentlemanly. 

“that’s sweet, but unnecessary. i wouldn’t have minded,” you say softly. “anyway, the shower’s all yours. take as long as you like.”

he sets his mug down and gathers up his change of clothes before heading towards the bathroom.

“and there’s a fresh towel on the counter! don’t use that green one,” you call after him lightly, wanting to be sure he won’t reuse the already damp one.

“okay,” he calls back, and he’s turned away so you don’t see the soft smile on his lips. you settle into one end of your couch, curled up with the blanket wrapped tight around your body for warmth and comfort. no matter how much you wish you weren’t, you’re still shaken from everything, especially after the feeling of water on your skin again. you reach for the mug on the table, it’s ceramic material warm on your hands, but no longer too hot to hold. it’s a soothing feeling, along with the hot, earthy tea that slides down your throat and into your stomach when you take a long drag of the drink.

all you do is sit there, drinking tea and wondering when sam will be done. you told him to take as long he wanted, but the sight of him is comforting, and you hope he’s done soon.

he looks refreshed and relaxed when he emerges from the bathroom. he sits in the chair across from you with a grateful smile.

“thank you,” he says, voice quite lovely and sincere, “it’s been a while since i’ve had such a nice shower.” to you, he wasn’t gone too long, but for him, it was special and an absolute privilege to have a hot shower last that long. and your bathroom isn’t that nice by any stretch, but it certainly beats anything he can find in a motel. it’s homier, warmer, and familiar only because it suits you. honestly, he had trouble getting the courage to turn off the shower head; it was just too pleasant. but he didn’t want to wrack up your water bill, so he gave himself an extra minute before stepping out and getting redressed.

and now you’re telling him about how easy of a favor it was, and that he’s welcome to that sort of thing anytime. he’s so unsure of how to proceed, so conflicted, that you’re the one to bring it up. 

“so… are you still, y’know, um, interested? in going out to lunch, that is,” you ask hopefully, clumsily.

oh god. he doesn’t think he has the strength to say no, to disappoint you, to ruin this chance with you. but it’s dangerous for you and that’s the last thing he wants. yet, he’s not sure he could ever bear the face you might make if he makes some lame excuse to blow you off. and it would all be a total lie. he is interested, maybe more than just that. he goddamn wants it. 

“i am. of course i am.” he’s more relieved than scared when he says that, so he feels like it must be right. and he hates the idea that you’d even doubt his interest in you. if anyone has the right to be second guessing a date, it’s you. he’s honestly a little surprised you’d still want this. surprised, and beyond flattered. “i… don’t know how long i’ll be in town, but i’ll of course be here tomorrow, if that’s okay with you.”

you grin widely. “yeah, yeah that’s perfect.” your expression shifts and you look at him carefully. “and… after that? i don’t mean to jump ahead or anything and i… i know you’ll be… traveling, but it sort of seems like sometimes, you know, maybe, i could possibly… help you out? if you ever need information on weapons and lore and that sort of thing… you could, y'know, call me? i… i’d love to help, at the very least.” hopeful and clumsy. that seems to be the theme of the night for your words. 

sam’s gaze, no, his whole form softens. he loves the way you talk and he finds it sort of crazy that he’s met you only this afternoon. for a moment he thinks he’s surprised by your offer to help, but when he considers it for a moment, he’s really not. it fits you; your warmth, kindness, passion, and intelligence. he’s still scared about involving you with him at all, even more scared about involving you in hunting directly, even if you just help with information. 

yet somehow, your offer eases him. it’s a thought you’ve had all on your own, something you say you’d actually like to be able to do. he supposes he should just be honest with you.

 “i’ll call you. not just for help,” he begins, nodding to assure you that he wants that, and more. he’s so torn. torn between caving and just diving into this chance that he has or walking away and most likely saving you a whole lot of grief. and yet, it absolutely wouldn’t be fair to not give you a choice, so that’s exactly what he’ll do. “but… you… are you sure about this?” he asks with a heavy sigh, eyes careful and sincere as he examines your expression, your curled up form indicating you might still be feeling shaken.

“it’s not pleasant. people die,” he says, frank, but still gentle in tone. “dean and i, we could die. and you being involved… it makes things dangerous for you. even if you’re not out there, physically in the fight, it… it’s dangerous to be associated with us. with me. i don’t want that for you, but i… i would like to get to know you better, i know that much. and i know that it’s your choice, not mine. if helping is what you really want to do… i’m sure that you could save lives. we… could use your help. just… you can back out at any time. you can back out right now, if that’s what you want.”

he’s grateful that you really take a long moment to consider what he says. your eyes roam over his face, taking in the details of his expression, his sincerity, all of the changes in tone that you can pick up on. you think about it, you really do.

“let’s get to know each other,” you decide, voice soft. as you go on, you sound both unsure, like you’re still finding your footing, and determined, like you’re sure you’ll be steady eventually. “i’d really like that… as for the rest… for the monsters and all that, i… i’d still like to help. or at least try. if… if it’s too much, or feels dangerous, then i can… i can figure out what to do then. but if i could help save lives? i… i can’t just ignore that. i don’t want to ignore that. i do really appreciate that you're, you know, worried about my safety, it– it’s very sweet, i just– i know that i want this.” you say the last bit definitively, like you’ve been building up to it, convincing yourself of it and now you really believe it. 

sam’s relieved. he shouldn’t be, but he is. he wanted that answer, no matter his worries. he nods simply, giving you a soft smile. “okay. thank you.”

you smile back, thinking it’s sweet that he thanks you for offering your help, and maybe for something else too.

“my, uh, my lunch break is only half an hour,” you state, shifting the conversation just a little bit. “and i– i get if you’re tired, but we could… start now. you know, the getting to know each other part,” you offer, voice a little quiet and unsure again. you’re a bit clumsy and awkward when it comes to… well, most everything, but especially this sort of thing. you’re not even sure exactly what this is supposed to be. flirting? dating? or maybe it’s just as simple as that; getting to know each other. sam’s not perfect at this either, but he can certainly step into the more confident role for you. he wants you to feel at ease.

“yeah,” he says softly. “i’m not too tired. i don’t want to keep you up late, though. tonight was… tiring, i’m sure, and you have work in the morning.”

goodness, he’s so caring and considerate that it almost hurts. you fight back a yawn, trying not to prove his point as you think about waking to your alarm clock tomorrow morning. you don’t want to go to bed yet, and you don’t want to miss out on whatever time you have to talk with him.

“well… maybe i can call off. even just for the morning. i’ve got plenty of paid time off saved up,” you suggest, glad for this idea. you’re positive that you deserve to miss a little bit of work after what you just went through.

if you were offering just for him, sam would shake his head, insist that you don’t have to. but he considers that not having to worry about work in the morning and being able to sleep in would likely be very good for you. 

“if that’s what you want, it makes sense,” he says, smiling softly.

“okay,” you smile back, “i’ll email my boss, it’ll only take a minute. she’ll see it in the morning.” your computer’s in your room, so you leave sam to his own devices for just a moment. in the hallway on the way back, you speak up so he can hear you as you approach. “would you like to watch a movie? you might be right that i’m a little too tired to stay up talking, but i… don’t quite want to go to bed.” your voice quiets once you’re back in the small living room. frankly, the idea of being alone in your room, of laying down with nothing to do but think or sleep, frightens you.

his face softens like he can read your fear. “that sounds perfect to me.” you relax at his constant sweetness and subtle encouragements. 

“perfect,” you smile. “you’ll… have to get up so i can move that chair out of the way. you can sit on the couch, though.” he stands and moves the chair away from the tv for you, then sits on the other end of the couch. you snuggle into your own corner after picking a dvd. turns out that sam has seen and loves your favorite movie. 

turns out that he’s also a little too respectful and careful to get very close to you as you watch, but he doesn’t mind when you grow sleepy and stretch your legs a little more over the cushions. you don’t ask; you’re a little embarrassed, so he tells you it’s alright if you rest your feet against his thigh. and he doesn’t know where to put his hand after that, so you tell him that he can rest it on your calf. he does, and just that is infinitely comforting.

and turns out that, halfway through the movie, when you fall into a soft, quiet sleep, the only thing that sam’s worried about anymore is if he should let you just sleep there or carry you to your own bed. he doesn’t care if he has to sleep curled up in the corner of the couch or that chair or on the goddamn floor; he just doesn’t want to wake you.

[beneathsilverstars]

hello for the ask game 9: any theories on stuff unexplained by the game?

I always love theories and thoughts and worldbuilding hcs etc so anything in that vein works :3

I think my favorite little worldbuilding headcanon is that Ka Bue is super chill about aromanticism and asexuality! Not in the same way as irl activism, but it's something that is understood and respected in their ideology, like transgenderism in Vaugarde. So if we combine the powers of everyone in the crew we'll get an entire queer-friendly worldview going lmao!

Maybe... Something about an overarching philosophy of understanding the self? In Vaugard they see the self as something you refine through making, creating and destroying and rebuilding, but in Ka Bue you're supposed to be uncovering and polishing what's already there. And part of that is understanding your position in relation to others, so they have a lot of little descriptive words for flavors of relationships and dynamics, and being the sort of person who seeks those dynamics. Like "oh i'm usually the comedic straight man of the friend group and i seek out jokesters who play well off of that". And that means that nonsexual romance, nonromantic sex partners, QPRs, etc, are all understood dynamics, and various kinds of friend and family and colleague relationships are seen as distinctly important, and being alone is seen as a valid dynamic!

Now that I've typed this out I love it more and more... I was originally just thinking about the metaphor of cutting and polishing a gemstone, but having a lot of little Dynamics that various people may find more or less relevant to themselves is a similar approach to having thousands of Expressions! And it meshes with the transphobia as well - you can describe yourself as having dysphoria but you're not supposed to go and try to change that.

And there's that Odile + Isabeau conversation where she gets really specific about their relationship: "We're not friends, we're associates. Colleagues. Allies at best." And she's obviously joking, but this hc puts some extra weight behind her making that particular sort of joke! Plus she's the one who's like, "I wouldn't call you all friends, that would be weird, we're more like family," and she gets mad about being called the mom. I love the idea that she has Very specific dynamic classifications in mind for her relationship with each member of the crew, and gets pissy that Vaugardian doesn't have the same nuance/connotations!

And this philosophy being the total opposite of the Change belief is so interesting for Odile in particular! It would definitely flavor people's perception of her in Ka Bue - oh, she's one of those fickle Vaugardians who change masks every day and will never truly understand themselves. No wonder she wanted to get actual Vaugardian perspective on their belief. Oh, how lovely it will be for her to synthesize the two extremes, and both discover and create who she is!!

[stars-in-a-jam-jar]

I loved Buddy this episode. Exactly the energy I love to see. He remains Completely Mostly-Deliberately Fanatical, but to the point where even the people who coerced him into joining their new religion are like 'You're!!! Doing it wrong!!!!' And Buddy's just like 'I have faith in Bakarath :)' I love him, I love that for him, I love Buddy Dawn so much, please don't die, Buddy, I just wanna have you floatin' around being a silly little uses-his-high-wis-stat-to-deliberately-fail-all-insight-checks-on-himself guy forever.

I wanna see Buddy at the end of this approach Fig like a little lost puppy asking her about Ankarna, but not in the soft explorative way that Bucky is curious about Kristen's relationship with Cassandra, in a way that's like 'I've been in a right tumble dryer lately and was wondering what exactly The Correct Worldview to attach my entire soul and sense of self to is.'

Want him to be a complete mess most of senior year as he keeps looking for new things to attach himself to. Every few weeks he changes his style to reflect the new thing he's trying on as a replacement for developing an independent sense of self.

Want him to be three quarters of the way through senior year before he even thinks to talk to Jawbone. That or they've been having mandatory councilor sessions all fall, and it's only as the Moonar Yulenear is coming up that Bucky starts Acting Like A Person for little flashes, where his entire attitude and personality is not some ironclad manifestation of what he believes The Correct Person To Be is, and instead he just. Genuinely loudly laughs at a joke that a few months ago he would've simply given a polite sensible chuckle to and said 'Oh, that's a good one'. He lets his face fall into a bored exhaustion in a class and the teacher asks him if something's wrong and he snaps back to, but it still happened. The omnipresent 'Good God Fearing Boy' persona slipped and he was a bored teen for a second. He tries a heavily caffeinated drink in the same way one might try a beer for the first time and suddenly he's being a little silly twirling his staff around and stumbling over his sentences a little more as his brain whirrs.

He cries and he breaks something and there's this icky complicated cocktail of emotions because getting angry is bad and being upset is bad; he was taught that all his life and then it was proven correct when he was resurrected by a false manifestation of a dead goddess worshipped in her true form by the archdevil of rebellion who spent the entire school year playing mindgames with the bard in Buddy's party who were using him.

But Jawbone keeps saying it's important to feel your feelings, which is a very silly thing of Jawbone to keep emphasizing, because Buddy always feels his feelings, it's not like he just unilaterally fends every emotion off as if it'll be his inevitable downfall. There's The Good Feelings and The Bad Feelings, and The Good Feelings come from The Good Things and The Bad Feelings are temptations into evil he must not indulge. He chooses to identify with the Correct Feelings To Be Feeling, obviously. Because you're supposed to do that. And anger and upset are never correct. It was a lesson he had to learn the hard, painful way because he was a stupid, flimsy kid who needed to see the real truth up close and personal. That's why all that stuff happened to him. Why the Rat Griders were so dismissive of him. Why Kristen was trying to build bridges with him.

So why did he just shatter the mug his grandfather gifted him after his baptism when he remembered how Oisin and Ivy seemingly constantly side-eyed him every time he spoke. At least it felt that way. Buddy's very used to constantly feeling observed, he probably just imagined that.

They're not exactly alive to ask anymore.

What do you MEAN my silly post about how I think Buddy's insistence that Bakarath is For Sure The Name You Guys is cute and funny turned into ANOTHER Buddy Dawn fanfic???

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

May i order a poppy info dump please

Oh, Poppy Ludwig (Oliveira) my BELOVED.

I don't think it's very clear yet in the actual fanfic, but Poppy's entire character arc here is learning to stop viewing the others as monsters, but as victims just like herself! There's some hint of a theme about how she was a bit more priviledged than the others when it came to how the scientists treated her, and she was able to see them as people rather than JUST the monsters that were keeping her locked away, and how this affected her willingness to participate in the Hour of Joy. Poppy is sooo fascinating because she goes from being one of the few of the experiments to see the workers of PlayCo. as people and the other toys as monsters, to being the one to remind others that EVERYONE is a victim.

Poppy to me is a very calculative and manipulative person, but unlike other characters - Pierre, for example -, she didn't forget about her own compassion. She's hiding a lot of things from Angel, but she isn't proud or happy about that. She doesn't want to lie. Frankly, she's tired of always having to play chess in order to have her friends and allies have one single day of rest. She has been locked away in a GLASS cage for more than a decade, and trapped inside PlayCo. for almost as long as the Prototype himself was. And before that, she was constantly bedridden thanks to her body falling apart. She has been stuck in places, only able to watch from afar as her entire world changed, and with each passing day she's growing increasingly more and more tired and desperate. Imagine wanting to save everyone but always being fated to get stuck or locked away somewhere for things completely beyond your control!

And, speaking of which. Control. Not the AMAZING game Control (2019) by Remedy, but the concept of control. Poppy has been wanting control of her own life for sooo long. Doesn't justify her constant lies and manipulations, but it does make it VERY fun writing for her. And yet! Elliot Ludwig, her dad, the most important person in her entire life, had taught her to, above all else, be kind. And even after decades since she last heard this, Poppy still takes the advice to heart, and when Angel appears and starts doing exactly just that, she realizes that her entire worldview was very, very flawed. The others were wrong to partake in the Hour of Joy, but she was also wrong to think of them solely as monsters.

Also. Despite her being TECHNICALLY on her 60s, Poppy is still mentally a goofy 30-something year-old who was raised by an even goofier guy. She's the main "head of operations" behind the whole rebellion against the Prototype, but she was the one making jokes to cheer up Dogday, Kissy and Ollie. She was the one telling them to rest and getting super worried about them. And after Angel leaves the factory with everyone, Poppy will FINALLY allow herself to be even goofier, despite the horrors she witnessed.

I gotta say that I see her as only being transformed into a sort of "leader" while inside PlayCo. because she was the oldest of the group. Poppy can command people around in a work setting, but inside the factory, she was just "that one toy who wants to be merciful to our captors". She'll get better, esp after her main character arc, and she will be promoted to the go-to older sister of the group, but this will take some time!

I hc her as having severe fear of closed and small spaces post-factory. She thinks it doesn't make sense, only to realize her fear is not of closed spaces, but the feeling of being trapped inside of them. She can use a vent but DON'T put her inside a box. Ever.

Also the relationship between her and the Prototype........ DELICIOUS to write about. These two are all "we're nothing like each other!" but Elliot IS her dad and she DID get habits from him. The head tilt may be the main one, but she makes tea and coffee the same way he always did, and folds her clothes the same way, and makes the same stupid STUUUPID jokes as him. It's amazing.

[anonzentimes]

hiya zen ! i'm sorry if this has been asked before but it just seemed like such a fun concept to explore.

on to the question, which of the seven deadly sins do you think fits nagito best ? honestly, he's so complex and putting him into a small box is already difficult enough as it is, but combined with the fact that... pretty much none of them are accurate to his character, it's pretty difficult to tell.

i've seen people (on r/danganronpa, so not too surprising) say he's wrath, which feels ,,, iffy to me. that doesn't feel like it fits him at all. his desire of wanting the very best for others seems to contrast with wrath. honestly, willing to bet those people just went "oh evil person who does bad things bc it's fun ok must be wrath then".

one i have mixed feelings about is envy, which... fits hajime better than nagito imo. sure, his entire worldview is kind of based around talent, but it doesn't feel like jealousy to me. the core of his character is that: due to trauma and the talent-obsessed society around him, he starts to hate himself... and instead of trying to desperately give everything away to change that like hajime , he just... accepts it. he accepts it as a part of himself, or hell, as the entirety of himself, as if that was all there was to him. hell, he even states *twice* that he doesn't envy the ultimates. once in the beginning of chapter 2 during his monologue, where he states that:

"Ah, just so you know, what I feel is different from admiration."

"Admiration is... wishing you could be like the object of your admiration."

"But, what I feel is more... pure. More like a selfless love that wants nothing in return."

And, once at... the beginning of the OVA i think ??? it's been a long time since i rewatched it so I don't really remember but he says something about how... the star of the show is such a demanding role, and how he'd rather remain as he is or something ???

pride is crossed off for obvious reasons LMFAO.

greed isn't accurate to him either. his only motivations are for others, not for himself. and even then, he wishes for an " absolute hope that can overcome any despair " . he doesn't even wish for an material possessions, if that makes sense. can hope be found through those material possessions ? i mean , probably. but like... what he wishes for is.. not only selfless , but also... so abstract ? i don't think he'd be a big fan of the idea that you could achieve pure hope through something material. he views it as absolute good, an absolute good like that would usually be found in other things than just something so limiting as material possessions. I'm pretty unsure about this part though.

lust is... eh. lust is almost always interpreted in a sexual sense, but it can also work in other contexts, though i'm not sure what definition would be in that case. i guess he's lustful for wanting the best for people LOL ??? that sounds so weird.

the people who say nagito is horny all the time would argue nagito is lustful in the sexual sense, and i mean , maybe but not really ? we know he compares hope to sex in one of the songs written by megumi ogata (which i'll consider canon), but he we also know that he absolutely isn't a sex freak by any means and in the games and anime, is actually pretty chaste. he also views sex as something intimate to share with a person he loves. something to share with a person who loves him enough to be intimate with him as well, and pretty much just... mutual expression of trust and intimacy ? i'd interpret lust to be like.. sex obsessed, pretty much. which, of course, kind of contradicts nagito.

anyway, i briefly considered sloth for him, in the sense that he doesn't want to put in effort to achieve something great for himself. it's all for others. he's never going to put in effort for something if it is self-serving, and... even though he ends up significantly influencing other people's lives, he plays a much more passive role in his own life if that makes any sense ????? oh, and it could also be telling of his luck in a way, in the sense that he's kind of... bound to it and can't escape it ? i have no idea 😭 to be honest, this one is atleast slightly understandable, unlike all the others which are just blatantly inaccurate to his character LMFAO.

i don't know, those are just my thoughts. what do you think ?

I just need you to know what I was giggling and kicking my feet over how much of a Nagito understander you are,,, this is such an interesting question it absolutely has not been asked before!!!

That being said, I’m honestly on the same page as you are. I’m a little stumped since none of them really describe Nagito properly? Sloth is the closest one that you could twist into a way of it fitting him, but otherwise most of the others are blatantly inaccurate to important aspects of his character??? I know that isn’t really helpful, but man is it hard to assign him one when he’s so unique. Nagito and Hajime are different sides of the same coin, and I don’t think Nagito’s selfless love, “envy,” or “admiration,” fits into any of the boxes that are provided. The end result feels like he doesn’t fit any of them, but the goal here is to assign him at least one of them right? So I guess Sloth in this situation is the best option, supposedly reflecting specific aspects of him and how he basically never does anything self serving. I mean, at the end of the day I’d like to have slightly understandable over blatant mischaracterization LMAO. So yeah, I think I would agree with Sloth over the others.

Thank you for your ask, this was so interesting to think about!! It made me so happy to read how thoroughly you thought about this, and how much you understand his character <3

[ravel-puzzlewell]

can we talk about shadowheart tho. her writing absolutely baffles me. like. when she admits she's shar's cleric, she gives u a speech about how shar is misunderstood and that like she's all about exposing bad ppl, toppling corrupt governments, using shady methods to get shit done, etc.

cool, so she believes that shar achieves good goals, so like. to me it seemed that her arc would be about realizing how it's not true, becoming disillusioned in shar, cue good old thats me in the corner losing my religion etc etc

and it just never happens? like we see a lot of evil shit shar has done all over the place and shadowheart never questions it, never even tries to rationalize the answers to keep her faith, its like she just doesn't care. and we as a player can't confront her either, we can't say shadowheart do you think shar successfully utilized girlpower when she cursed entire region with radioactive shadows and split it's spirit in half? instead we find like. shar's torture device secret chamber and shadowheart goes awww i wanna be a dark justiciar so baaaaaad

and then. then at culmination, at scene where she's deciding to kill aasimar or not, you can't give her arguments. you can't be like look at everything that shar has done all over this place, do you still believe this is for greater good? what greater good can justify this? what higher purpose is there in senselessly killing a prisoner again and again?

no you can only say like. you can't allow your goddess to control you! what do you meeean. like??? this isn't how faith works. clerics supposed to like. BELIEVE in the same things their god does. so far shadowheart was pro-everything shar-related she saw. she's like. enthusiastically into it. even if she's brainwashed, she still very much WANTED to be dark justiciar. and now it's all - oh, its shar "controlling" her. like. Shadowheart even said that shar's head nun or whatever told her that she isn't ready to become dark justiciar. This is very much shadowheart's own initiative. Why is it framed around like listening to yourself, instead of changing BELIEFS?

and THEN. after she doesn't kill. aasimar says. "Don't you find it oh so curious you would spurn your Dark lady? Perhaps you feel a stirring of the truth already" and then later reveal that shadowheart was like. selunite kidnapped by shar ppl. and this is why she didn't kill aasimar. WHICH??

like apparently shadowheart is the first to show mercy in a century not because she had a chance to live outside of cult for a while, meet and befriend new people and broaden her worldview, realizing her cults doctrine is false. no no no. she did it bc she's just INHERENTELY a good person. she just like. had intrusive thoughts urging her to be good. she just needed listen to herself. bc she's actually a selunite and not sharran. and like, all other dark justiciar apparently are just inherently evil and it was never possible for them to choose not to kill.

like how do you take a perfectly serviceable narrative about cult member escaping brainwashing due to being able to socialize outsife of her cult and instead make it about Selunite essentialism.

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 11

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

I always place my bookmark at the end of the chapter when I start reading to indicate the number of pages I have in a session, and this chapter is comparatively so short! Only like 20ish pages!

Once again, Charlie has abandoned me, but I am back on my soy lattes with matcha to accompany this chapter. Oversharing but; I ran out of my ceremonial grade matcha (delicious af) and tried a local tea shops matcha (much cheaper, still delicious, but texture and colour are very different). The matcha is tasty but definitely not the same. My wallet is happy, my taste buds are forlorn.

Minor angst aside- Let's get into this chapter!

Corpse?! Already! Starting this chapter off strong with maybe another death? I mean, Liu Qingge has 0 chance against Luo Binge, but still.

I will say MXTX is great at starting and ending chapters with anticipation. Like there is no filler chapter. She ends AND starts on action every time. It has made my one chapter a day read low key frustrating, but has definitely kept me engaged!

Wait. What corpse is Luo Binhe holding??? If it's Shen Qingqiu that is so fuckedp245

Double WAIT. What are they doing in the bed together :O OMG is he sleeping with the corpse?? p246

Im shaken. LOL It IS Shen Qingqiu's corpse. p247

Fucking SAME SQQ. Necrophilia is also not for me my guy "Too hardcore...Way too fucking hardcore! Even if his imagination had been as vast as the moon covered with craters, he had still never imagined that one day he would become a character in this kind of hardcore kink play". p247

SQQ I really don't think it can be called bullying to have the guy let go of your own corpse (that was being super desecrated) p248

okay but. question: did he sleep or SLEEP with the corpse? I need to know because I am overwhelmed at this revelation. Both are unhinged, but like one of them is significantly worse.

honestly, SQQ, I too want to know how that corpse is being preserved p248

NOT CORPSE HOT POTATO p249

LOL at Liu Qingge panicking about touching the corpse's flesh. Like sure, I get it, if that was my friend/sect sibling's body I would be horrified at the man handling p249

oh! His (SQQ) sword (and Luo Binghe's old sword??) is repaired!! that's rad! p250

Oh gosh. Luo Binghe is Big Mad that they are snatching his corpse boyfriend p250

Thank god that SQQ was able to get Liu Qingge to to actually leave- this could have been awful. p251

aaaaaaaand what a time for SQQ to have a change of heart about Luo Binghe. He is SO soft for him. 10000% he is going to get himself killed -> again. p251

OMG he was so close to telling him his identity and the confession was disrupted vie him being kidnapped! p252

wait- who else broke in?? was it Shang Qinghua? p253 ofc MXTX loves to leave little cliff hangers.

Oh no, Luo Binghe did remember to activate the demon blood mites. poor SQQ. p254

meanwhile SQQ is basically dying (not actually but he sure feels like he is) and is having an entire mindmap thought journey about how Luo BInghe came to this level of infatuation with himp254

we now have SQQ questioning his worldview, his entire life, himself as an individual, every choice he has ever made, and a his own sexuality. poor babe. p255

oh shit. Wait- what's the cure for the blood mites?? Who is this guy??? p256

are you fucking kidding me. LOL omg. Another demon. I just went to my notes from yesterday and this applied, but make it 3 dimes. "Shen Qingqiu (probably): if I had a dime for every time I had demonic blood poisoning me I would have two, and that's not a lot, but fucked up it happened twice. LOL" at this point should I keep a dime count??

omg! is he attacking him now from within the dream realm??? p258 so scary!

okay he is not attacking SQQ he is attacking HIMSELF. Luo Binghe is not okay. The level of unwell he is exhibiting is frankly, quite alarming. p259

all of this self harming because he lost his shizun's corpse omg

Well... at least luo binghe is apologizing for the water prison? p261

and here we have SQQ having a crisis about not wanting to be near Luo Binghe while he simultaneously cannot resist patting his head anyways p262

oh god. baby luo binghe intentionally kept all of the scars that Shen Qinqiu gave him. what the fuck I'm emotional. p263

Wel it's about time. SQQ finally figured out he fucked up treating Luo Binghe like a character and not a person. BUT, based on the last line of this chapter, I have a suspicion that 1. luo binghe is not himself (someone else impersonating him??) OR Luo Binghe knows exactly what the fuck he is dong.

I cannot with these cliffhangers!

I need to know who this other demon is and who is controlling this dream rn. I did take a look ahead at page count and the next couple chapters are very short AND end book 2, so I am not looking forward to likely more drama and another several cliffhangers.

pray 4 me.

[lightandfellowship]

In honor of the finale anniversary coming up, I’m sending you a deep question:

What do you think is the main theme/message of Dark Road? Or, alternatively, what theme of the story resonates with you the most?

That's a good question. I can't say I'm the best at identifying this sort of thing, but I'll try.

I see two main themes. The first is what I believe to be the more overt "thesis statement" of the game, the one line of dialog that both references the title of the game (and a good title will usually try to convey a facet of the Main Theme of the work) and also is telegraphed as being really significant because it gets said directly before the title card.

"Your world can change in an instant. Sometimes all it takes is a single step." [fade to black] KINGDOM HEARTS —Dark Road—

I have a post sort of outlining the various ways this idea manifests in the game, but at its core I think it's just saying that your worldview can be drastically altered (for better or for worse) if you just take the initiative to seek answers. I think you see this theme reiterated by Heimdall and Baldr near the end of the game, too. Heimdall: "Your lives are not ours to judge, but yours to lead. Broaden your horizons and find your own answers." Baldr: "Seek answers...to the unjust ways of the world...to the darkness." Considering this is the Xehanort game, having the thesis statement revolve around self-determination, expanding your world, and the pursuit of knowledge makes sense.

As for the second main theme, probably something along the lines of: "light and darkness aren't so different but the continued belief that they are results in an endless cycle of unnecessary conflict and tragedy that could've easily been avoided if people were just more open-minded and tried to better understand each other." Like almost every awful event that happens in this game can be traced back to this flawed belief causing the characters to act in a certain way that seals their doom.

Eraqus is openly and unashamedly anti-darkness in front of Baldr which seems to make Baldr's anxiety about his sister abandoning him grow. Baldr being scared of what might happen to him if he's left alone with his darkness, along with feeling like Hoder's light is the only thing redeeming him, causes him to chase after her into Enchanted Dominion, subsequently getting her killed (in a situation that wouldn't even have existed had Hoder not made the rash decision to go after the dark being, Maleficent, all by herself). His utter dependence on her now-extinguished light makes Baldr's darkness spiral out of control and primes him to be manipulated by a dark being who's taking advantage of his vulnerable mental state to further its own goals. Oh, and Odin kept Baldr isolated in what appears to be solitary confinement for a week because of his darkness situation, which just made everything ten times worse. Baldr's grief and directionlessness makes him decide that the world is too rotten to exist anymore, which compels him to kill all of his friends in order to destroy that world and end it all. And things get so bad that a brother and sister who love each other feel like they have no choice but to kill each other because their differences are just too large and they're never going to understand. Literally all of this could have been avoided if Hoder wasn't tasked with being this "flawless and pure" beacon of light and Baldr wasn't made to think his darkness was Bad and Scary and Unacceptable.

Then there's the upperclassmen. Hoder, Heimdall, Helgi, and Sigrun dying to darkness is what convinces Vidar, Vala, and Vali that darkness is absolutely evil and needs to be destroyed forever via Kingdom Hearts (with the added benefit of Kingdom Hearts hopefully purging the darkness out of Baldr and sparing him). And they're so focused on their plan to summon Kingdom Hearts and destroy darkness that they don't even care that innocent people and entire worlds might get hurt in the process. Nor do they even care to ask Baldr if he wants his darkness to be purged (given what happened to Ven when Xehanort removed his darkness, it's not exactly the type of thing you should forcefully do to someone.) Which, it turns out, summoning Kingdom Hearts wouldn't have destroyed darkness anyway, at least according to Darkness Baldr, so it truly was a pointless endeavor that was only going to cause harm. Again, the upperclassmen might not have pursued such a misguided and extreme plan if they hadn't been convinced by their upbringing and circumstances that destroying all darkness was undeniably a Good Thing.

In actuality, this second main theme isn't just implicitly conveyed by the plot's events, it gets stated pretty directly by Heimdall, Helgi, and Sigrun during their conversation with Xehanort and Eraqus in the Underworld. They talk about how, after they ended up in the Final World without their bodies, they realized that the darkness and light in people's hearts might not be so different after all, and that everything is a matter of perspective and personal beliefs. Quite a change of heart coming from people who were raised to believe the exact opposite, especially Helgi who was the most vocal about not approving of darkness and who was willing to use brute force against those he disagreed with (you see the "seek answers and your worldview might get drastically altered" theme crop up again here.) It's hard not to believe them when they experienced something as spiritual and eye-opening as the afterlife, which gives credence to what they have to say about light and darkness, and emphasizes all the more that the narrative is using them to convey a Truth to the audience.

Anyway, it makes sense that these two concepts would be major themes of the game since there's some synergy between them. The answer to the question "how do you prevent the tragedies caused by the light vs. darkness stuff" is...knowledge. Expanding your world. Connecting with others. Being open-minded and compassionate. Taking the initiative to try new things. Being committed to seeking truth/letting your worldviews be challenged instead of stagnating in your biases. Characters like Eraqus embody the opposite of this and are examples of what not to do. Eraqus refuses to open his mind or budge from his beliefs. He takes almost no steps to change for the better (or rather, doesn't understand what the right steps are.) His world is small, and as a result he unknowingly causes harm to the people he cares about to a catastrophic degree, perpetuating the cycle.

Xehanort sort of has the opposite problem? He lets his experiences and the MoM's influence change his beliefs for the worst, losing a lot of the nuance and integrity he already had in his youth. Any pursuit of truth gets twisted and replaced with him selectively believing the things that support his condemnation of the world and prop up his status as the chosen one ("[People] believe what they want to believe.") He starts to see "change" as being the only way to save the universe, but specifically the sort of "change" that means destroying and recreating the universe entirely. He succeeded in broadening his horizons and explored the entire span of the world, yet deemed it rotten to its core, unfit to exist. The knowledge he gained became a reason to feel superior to everyone else, instead of a reason to feel kinship. His ability to empathize just became a way to manipulate others.

[ivy-the-kraken]

The Importance of "He lives rent free in each of our hearts"

No, I am not exaggerating when I am saying this joke has layers of subtext. What Cyno says in the Parade of Providence is not only a joke about the nature of Alhaitham in their friend group, but also a hint towards the evolution of Cyno and Alhaitham’s relationship. 

1- The Context

The first thing to note is the conversation that surrounds this joke. Previously, the conversation was:

Collei: That’s a good thing… It means you have integrity.

Kaveh: Thank you, oh my god, thank you… See, you get me Collei!

Kaveh: It’s a good thing Alhaitham isn’t here right now… He’d be quick to explain why you’re wrong.

Collei: Seems you always include him in the conversation, even when he isn’t here…

Tighnari: Yep. No dinner with Kaveh is complete without a few words about Alhaitham.

Now, the easy thing to latch onto is the fact that Kaveh apparently talks extensively about Alhaitham. However, let’s consider what else is said. Kaveh’s statement is certainly an insight into the nature of his and Alhaitham’s relationship- that being one of opposing forces, people who fundamentally do not mesh due to differences in experiences and worldview. 

Tighnari’s following statement is sarcastic, and is an obvious indication of the familiarity of this. Because of Kaveh and Alhaitham’s opposing natures, it is only natural that they clash. 

But how does this tie into what Cyno says? Well, Kaveh’s statement is antagonistic, meant to express his negative feelings towards Alhaitham by assuming that he’d say the worst about him. Tighnari’s is not positive either, but not exactly negative- simply, it’s exasperation towards the entire situation. However, what Cyno has to say is more positive, both that it’s a lighthearted joke, and that offers a glimpse at the much more friendly feelings that Cyno holds towards Alhaitham.

2- The Joke

Cyno: I sense that Alhaitham has in fact been here with us all along…

Kaveh: He’s here? Where!? Why didn’t you tell me?

Cyno: …He lives rent free in each of our hearts.

There’s a lot to unpack here. First to note, is that this is all too easy to brush off as a friendly joke. And on some level it is, which is in of itself, really telling. When Cyno and Alhaitham first fought in Aaru Village, neither… liked each other, let’s put it that way. But throughout the Sumeru Archon Quest, they clearly grew to respect one another’s characters and grew to form a partnership. The fact that Cyno can joke so easily about Alhaitham speaks to a major change in dynamic.

Now, the punchline. This is by far the most fascinating part to me. Saying someone or something “lives rent free in [your] head” is a common term on the internet now, and put in simplest terms, means you think about it a lot. But then, why heart? 

Well, the brain tends to symbolize rationality, thinking, and planning. If something lives rent free in your head, you think about it a lot. While the term is usually connected to a positive connotation, that what you are thinking of is something that makes you happy, it can easily dip into negativity. However, the heart is different. It tends to symbolize emotionality, love, and sometimes life. Cyno saying Alhaitham lives rent free in their hearts and not their heads creates deeper intimacy, making the statement very clearly personal. And tying back into the previous section, neither Kaveh nor Tighnari were expressing positive emotions about Alhaitham, making the statement seem out of place. But it makes much more sense when it is not taken as a mere joke; rather, it is an expression Cyno’s connection to Alhaitham. 

3- Conclusion

One final thing to note is that Alhaitham is not present when Cyno makes this joke. So, one, this could mean that this is an expression of emotionality that Cyno is comfortable making about Alhaitham, just not towards him, implying that he has come to terms with his feelings about Alhaitham but has not deciphered what Alhaitham feels about him. Two, the Traveler is unaware of their relationship, hence why the player doesn't pick up on anything, but everyone else is, and Cyno just wants to express that he loves his boyfriend very much.

In short, Cyno loves Alhaitham, even if no one else has anything good to say about him. 

[taoistpenguin]

advice for young people from an old person

i’m old. but not really. i’m 50+ chronologically, so by social media standards i’m ancient. but i don’t think old, or act old. in my head i’m still in my 20s, and i still do the things i did in my 20s. okay, not as many drugs, and i regrettably can’t drink like i used to, but the creative things, the intellectually, emotionally, and physically stimulating things, i still do. a lot of them i do better now than when i was in my 20s.

i’ve acquired some scars and wisdom along the way. i’ve been married, divorced and married again. i’ve had my heart broken hard several times, and i may have broken a couple. i’ve pulled six figure incomes, and i’ve lived paycheck to paycheck hiding from the landlord. i’ve had careers and dead end jobs. i’ve gone backwards or sideways to go forward when i had to, in the interest of keeping a roof over my head. i made lots of mistakes, but i learned from them. i have very few regrets.

i’ve struggled with depression and i’ve been an outsider, and i’ve felt the joy of real and close friendships. at this point i give zero fucks what anyone thinks of me and my life. through all of it, the highs and the lows, there’s been one constant, which is this: i kept going. i shut up and did the work. i pushed to accomplish my goals. if i kept hitting brick walls, i found a way around them. so based on my ancient lived experience, here’s my completely unsolicited advice to young folks:

in any situation you encounter in life, you really only have two choices: accept it or change it. doesn’t matter if it’s a random encounter in the checkout line or a life-defining decision you have to make, it’s always only just those two options. if a situation arises that you can’t live with, it’s on you to change it. or at least try, because you won’t always succeed. but the effort alone, just the attempt, shows you who you are and how hard you’ll go in defense of your beliefs.

your other choice is to accept it. sometimes acceptance works out fine. everyone has different levels of tolerance. but here’s the thing: if you’re living in a situation that you chose to accept, then when the outcome is bad, you don’t get to complain. you made the choice to accept it. i’ve seen humanity at its lowest several times. i’ve seen people just give up and give in and get bitter. i’ve seen others in the same situations say ‘hell, no’ and stand in the fire, fully aware of the risk.

so as you go through your daily interactions, make conscious choices about how you want to respond, then act accordingly- but put up or shut up. my other advice for a happy life is: get away from screens more. go for a hike. read a real book, or play a musical instrument. get dirty. whittle. do martial arts. garden. play ultimate. become a beer geek. do tangible stuff with your hands and brains that also requires the participation of other actual humans in the same place at the same time.

talk to each other about shared experiences. bond over shared beliefs. most important, don’t cobble together your worldview based on comments from randos on social media. there’s an entire universe where this cyberworld doesn’t exist. get out in it and fall down, skin your knees, put a bandaid on and go back out to make more mistakes. after awhile you’ll see that the likes and the comments don’t matter as much as your own perspective. oh, and remember to be kind.

[sophieinwonderland]

Sophie, you fundamentally misunderstand why people say you don’t see your opponents as people. They mean that you do not exhibit empathy for these people. Usually appeals to humanity elicit empathetic responses, and your apathy is rather concerning.

I don’t know if you have a condition that makes empathy difficult for you. If so, that’s understandable, but I would also then encourage you to step back and work on that skill before developing a large platform around fighting with other people.

However, you do seem to express empathy for those who you agree with, so I don’t think you entirely lack the skill. I think you just struggle to employ it when it’s emotionally difficult to do so. That’s understandable. You probably weren’t taught how to do so! Most people aren’t.

Regardless, you are nearly 30 years old. Your executive brain — which includes empathy — is fully developed. You are interacting with mostly people whose empathy is not yet fully developed. The onus is on you to model healthy behavior to your audience. You do not do this.

I’m going to be harsher from now on. I want this to really sink into your head. I don’t think you fully grasp the gravity of the things you say. I want you to know I’m not attacking you, I’m just trying to be firm and show you how alarming this all is. I really and sincerely encourage you to read my words as someone who wants to help you. I want to help you. I am worried about you and your health. I am worried about your followers. This is coming from a place of concern.

You are also a threat, Sophie. As a pro-endo system, you are incredibly frightening to me. I do not feel safe in pro-endo spaces because of how violent they are becoming, often parroting your rhetoric. I honestly see you as more of a threat than most anti-endos. Most anti-endos I have ever met are more caught up in definitions than an actual hatred of endos. Most anti-endos I’ve met are also young — much younger than you, anyway — and are thus still limited in their worldview. Often a conversation or two is enough to help expand this worldview into greater inclusivity. This won’t happen with everyone, of course, but we can’t reach everyone no matter what. Some anti-endos will always hate pro-endos, just as some pro-endos will always hate anto-endos.

You don’t treat anti-endos with empathy, and thus you only cause more harm, for both sides. You do nothing to change minds. You are only radicalizing people further. I promise you don’t make anti-endos think “oh wow, I need to change my ways because pro-endos want to take everything from me and make me suffer.” You make them think “holy fucking shit, pro-endos are monsters.” And while you may have radicalized other pro-endos to the point that joining pro-endos spaces can start to feel like joining a platoon, all you do is make me feel less and less like calling myself a pro-endo. I don’t like being in spaces where the majority of what people talk about is “I hate X people so much I wish they’d die.” These places feel hostile. There’s always been a layer of hostility, but it’s been getting much worse recently. And a lot of these people look up to you.

You are exactly what you despise. You actively cultivate a hate group yourself, dedicated to encouraging real, tangible harm against anti-endos. The things you post are genuinely more in line with actual definitions of hate groups, actually (remember, marginalized communities can also form hate groups). You do not address the structures that lead people to become anti-endo. You instead attack, threaten, and set your followers onto the individual people who are also hurting under the system that hurts you. This is not doing what you think it does! This isn’t a “gotcha” at anti-endos. This doesn’t stop more people from becoming anti-endo. You’d be more successful appealing to institutions, not anti-endos or other pro-endos, if your actual goal is to reduce anti-endo ideology.

But that’s not your goal, I think. Your goal seems to be “make them hurt as much or more than they hurt me.” That’s maladaptive. You legitimately are going about this in the way army recruits are trained to kill. Maybe you were in the military, I don’t know, but that thinking is very, very dangerous.

You are not on a battleground. You are on Tumblr or Reddit. You’re not bringing any systemic change by arguing on Tumblr or Reddit.

I think you also fundamentally misunderstand your opponent. Just as many anti-endos can say that pro-endos “hate us for our existence and even if they're not directly attacking us, they're supporting those that do.” Just as many anti-endos receive threats, including from you. Many anti-endos see pro-endos as ableist bigots, and that’s the source of their upset. Many anti-endos think pro-endos are overrunning their spaces.

The talking points are the same. You are excusing sadistic behavior on your part. That doesn’t make the behavior acceptable.

If you don’t care that someone else is a person, if you hurt them fully knowing that they’re another human being and that your actions will seriously hurt them, you are not an inclusionist. You are not an advocate.

You are dangerous. Period. MUCH more dangerous than the person who doesn’t realize their opponent is also human.

If you want to empathize with everyone, be my guest. 🤷‍♀️

Maybe that TERF on the other side of the screen is a victim. She was abused as a child. Then she grew up and entered into abusive relationship after abusive relationship. On top of that, every attempt at getting ahead in a male-dominated world has her battling the patriarchy at every turn. She's talked over and beaten down for the crime of being a woman in a man's world. It's cruel and unfair.

Her history, her trauma, makes it easy to radicalize her against all men. Every man must be inherently evil. And as for trans women, she thinks, “how dare they call themselves women? How dare they claim my experiences and the experiences of my sisters when they've never suffered like we have?”

And then she's fed a narrative that these “men” are pretending to be women to be able to sexually assault her and her daughters. And every time she enters the bathroom with someone she thinks is trans, she's going to have a panic attack and flashbacks to the worst days of her life.

If you want to empathize with the opposition, good for you. Think about how every advancement of trans rights is going to further retraumatize this woman and every woman with a story like hers.

Do you feel good about yourself, advocating for trans people knowing that doing so is going to hurt victims like this?

Well… you should. Because to do nothing, to choose not to defend trans rights, is going to hurt trans people who face discrimination and bigotry themselves. Inaction is worse.

I firmly believe the morally right thing to do… is to support the policies that are going to retraumatize some victims of abuse to protect trans people. And to push rhetoric that paint all TERFs, including women like that, as bigots who are dangerous and harmful. And if that woman is harmed by this rhetoric… well, no matter what led her to her choices, she still sided with hate. She still chose hate.

The road to every positive change in the world is going to be paved with hurt people, and she's just another brick in it.

Someone was telling me this not too long ago, and it’s a line I’ve rolled over and over in my head so many times since…

“It is heart-shattering to look in the mirror and recognize that you have done harm with good intentions. It is a come-to-myself, life-changing moment that we have had to endure several times already”

And I've thought about this because, for me, this just has never been true. I’ve been fully cognizant from the beginning that however nice I go about it, even if I try to minimize harm, my actions are going to hurt some people. There will be repercussions for whatever I do.

Perhaps lately I’ve been leaning into this too much where I’m intentionally making myself look scarier. But maybe I’m just tired of feigning ignorance. Of pretending my actions are harmless when I’ve always known that it’s a lie we tell ourselves to feel better about doing what has to be done.

I don’t like being in spaces where the majority of what people talk about is “I hate X people so much I wish they’d die.”

I'm just going to say that I don't see this actually happening. Here on Tumblr, I can only think of one post telling anti-endos to die, and it was basically phrased as them returning the same energy to anti-endos that they give to us, in response to months of anti-endos tagging posts with "#endos die" and even passing around that one image saying "death to the endos of Tumblr."

I do not condone or support telling anti-endos to die under any circumstances, but I do see telling random people to die for being endogenic as being different from responding to death threats in turn. And again, this is the only post I saw like that on Tumblr recently while I've seen many from anti-endos.

I also haven't noticed this sort of culture on r/plural when I've been there. Even when topics do go to sysmeds, they aren't wishing death on them.

I'm not saying you're wrong, because it's possible that this is happening in whatever isolated Discord servers you're in, but I haven't seen it happening in the spaces I frequent.

And if this is a problem, I'm not sure how much can be linked back to me when I'm not even in those spaces.

If this is becoming more frequent, maybe it's just in response to anti-endos ramping up their own rhetoric and becoming more violent in publicly calling for the deaths of endogenic systems, regularly wishing pain and suffering on us, intentionally invading our spaces to hurt us, and bullying and harassing endogenic systems and supporters like they've done to Aimkid and the Yaelokre server.

Just as many anti-endos can say that pro-endos “hate us for our existence and even if they're not directly attacking us, they're supporting those that do.”

Oh, bullshit!

Don't you dare try to "both sides" this!

Sure, anyone can say that, no matter how stupid of a comparison it is.

Except it's pretty clear that anti-endos are hated for a harmful ideology. Not for their existence.

If they don't want to be hated, they can just choose not be hateful to people for their existences. Simple. Easy peasey!

And since you claim to be a pro-endo system, I should also point out that if you're fully traumagenic, and you so chose, you could jump ship and join with the hate group to avoid getting hate from them.

If I don't want to be hated by anti-endos as an endogenic systems though, what are my options?

There are only two, really. I can either lie and pretend to be something I'm not. Or I stop existing. There is no other out because this IS about my existence, not simply my ideology.

I don't have a real choice but to ride this ship 'til the end and do my best to eradicate anything that tries to sink it.

And this also applies to your line about how I'm supposedly cultivating a "hate group." Because actual hate groups hate people for their immutable characteristics (and sometimes religion), not simply their ideology. No matter how much a group despises Nazis, you can't have an "anti-Nazi" hate group, because Nazism is an ideology.

Many anti-endos think pro-endos are overrunning their spaces.

You're leaving out the part where they think any spaces they happen to be in are "their spaces." Like say, a Yaelokre server that happens to be welcoming to pro-endos.

A major theme in recent sysmed rhetoric as more pro-endos branch out to and are accepted in new spaces is that we're now invading spaces that aren't even system-related.

Not to mention them trying to claim our spaces, terms and resources that have always been pro-endo as their own.

You say this isn't a battlefield, but in a way, I believe it is. No, we're not killing each other. But it is a fight of sorts, where anti-endos will do everything they can to get rid of us. They'll harass not just us, but people who support or even are neutral to us, with the express intent of getting us kicked out of literally every space we're in, even if that space isn't system-related.

And I fully believe that the best strategy is going to be not appealing to anti-endos directly to change their minds, but amping up rhetoric so that people who haven't formed an opinion will start viewing and treating sysmeds the same way they treat transphobes, homophobes, racists, sexists and the like.

And yes, this will hurt a bunch of people in the process. I know many are trauma survivors. They're people with friends and families of their own. Some are people who have similar interests to mine. And if they don't change their ways then things won't be good for them.

But the thing you need to know about me is that... I've made my peace with that.

You are dangerous. Period. MUCH more dangerous than the person who doesn’t realize their opponent is also human.

"Seeing your opponents as human is more dangerous than dehumanizing them" is a surprising take to see.

But you know... for once... you're not wrong.

Dehumanization is the primary weapon of anti-endos. And while great to make their followers okay with hurting and harassing people, it also makes them ineffective because they spend most of their time arguing with strawmen and refusing to listen to the actual arguments and positions of their opponents, or acknowledge their experiences.

So I'll give you this one. The fact that I see sysmeds as human lets me see all their little human vulnerabilities other people would miss, and it DOES make me more dangerous.

And I sure hope they remember that.

[nczaversnick]

OC Name Origins Tag

Thanks to @honeybewrites for the tag :)8

Rules: I want to know how you came up with your original character’s names and personalities. Are they based on people in your real life? Are they straight from your brain? Are they a mix of several people?

The one is a little hard. There have been many names within Project Gemini and for the most part I don’t remember why I picked any of the names. It’s just been too many years. That being said, I will share instead what their names were originally and what they were changed to.

Adrian Jackson became Adrian Harlowe. He was the only one who got to keep his first name. And the only one who got a last name in the very first draft. I think. As for personality he comes from the part of me that’s still angry. Angry at my family. Angry at society. He’s the part of me that thinks I could be a revolutionary. Which is why he is one.

Raine became Caspian Álvarez. He wasn’t originally the protagonist yknow and like way more confident. Now his personality comes from the idea of being the calm to Adrians storm

Lily became Athena. She actually was the main protagonist. So obsessed with P!ATD. Athena now tho is also a compliment to Adrian but in an entirely different way. She’s an activist and meeting her was how Adrian became a rebel in the first place

Rose became Aurelia. My high school friend Aurora Rose always thought this was because of her. It wasn’t. It was because I lived near a street called Aurelius. Aurelia has always been the sweet nurturing type. Now she’s Adrian’s sister and it brings a whole new depth to their dynamic of healer and destruction that I adore so much

Luna became Iris. She went from pale leather jacket punk to badass mechanic with all the braincells. Luna started out being uncertain and easily manipulated but when I started writing Cas and Adrian, they didn’t get along like at all so someone had to be the voice of reason

Leo became Quinn. He lost his gender but they got actually be alive as part of the story. Originally Leo was dead and occasionally was a ghost. Honestly, they’ve always been a crackhead. Based on every enby I know(including myself)

Mason….didnt exist. Sorry. He’s a middle aged man who has his entire worldview dumped upside down by a bunch of queer people half his age in the span of like one afternoon. He’s confused but he’s got the spirit

Oh one more worth mentioning. The main antagonist Lucia Atore, was originally named Gene. Probably because she conducts genetic experiments. Subtle I know

Tagging: @marlowethelibrarian @moltenwrites @wyked-ao3 @fractured-shield +open tag

[calmasyoghurt]

The joker out pride project.

Nace is finally okay with being gay. Also on ao3.

(I've written all the chapters that will be needed for the days I'll be on holiday so you probably won't even notice I'm gone)

June 21st, prompt 30. Acceptance.

If Nace got the opportunity to talk to a 15 year old version of himself, then he knows exactly what he would say. First, he would show his younger self a photo of a man with long black hair, beautiful brown eyes, and a certain love for cats, leather jackets and vintage guitars. Then, Nace would tell young Nace that the man in the photo is the kindest person he'll ever meet. That the man struggles with insomnia and time regulation, but will arrive at a friend's apartment no more than 30 minutes after finding out that that friend needs support. 

Finally, Nace would tell his younger self that he will fall in love with this man. He'll fall so hard for this man that his entire worldview will change. 

Because he has. Nace has fallen in love with Jan, and that's okay. It has taken Nace so much time to accept it, but he thinks he's finally fine with life being this way. How could life not be okay when he's in a bed, laying next to someone that he likes as much as he likes Jan.

This might actually be the first time that happens, waking up and feeling nothing but joy about what happened the night before. No regret, no worries about feelings being too weak, just pure joy. No, wait, there is one more feeling. It might be knowledge, or maybe acceptance is a better word for it. Nace has known, deep down, who he is since he was 19. But it's now that he can finally come to peace with it. He's gay. Nace likes men. Or, well, right now he only really likes Jan, but since he falls under the category of ‘men’, then Nace technically likes men. 

It's a rather nice feeling, accepting himself. It’s a feeling he hasn’t allowed himself to feel in almost ten years. Suddenly, Nace feels the urge to tell someone, anyone. The best option is right in front of him, but unfortunately that option is currently very asleep. Nace calmly removes a strand of hair from Jan's face. After he's tucked it behind Jan's ear, he slowly starts combing through his hair. Jan lets out a small groan and Nace can't stop himself from leaving a soft kiss on his nose. 

“Too early”, Jan complains. Nace takes a quick look at the clock on Jan's bedside table. 

“It's ten thirty", Nace says. 

“Exactly. Early”. Jan is yet to open his eyes, but when Nace starts leaving kisses all over his face, one eyelid cracks open slightly. 

“Is that some kind of trick to get me to wake up?” Jan asks. 

“Is it working?”

“Maybe”

Once Nace has left at least fifteen soft kisses on Jan’s face, he has opened both his eyes, and Nace thinks it's time. 

“I have to tell you something”, he says, and Jan gets a look of confusion on his face before Nace can continue. 

“I'm gay”

“Uhm, yeah? Wasn't that obvious?” 

“Maybe, but I've not really been sure, or been able to accept it I guess, until now”. At this, Jan starts laughing.  

“You had your dick balls deep up my ass last night, and on Thursday night, and last weekend, and you were still not sure if you were gay?” and Nace can feel himself blush a little. Instead of coming up with something to defend himself with, he simply buries his face in Jan's neck. 

“It's okay, Nacko. Not everyone is as bright as I am and finds out when they’re 11”. At that, Nace shows his face again. 

“Oh, yes, you are very smart, Jan. Anything else you want to teach me?” 

“Hmm. Maybe I can make you understand that morning sex is great? Or that it's especially great with me?” 

Nace snorts out a laugh before leaning in to kiss Jan, properly this time, on the lips. Soon enough he'll find out if Jan's statements are true. 

[kingdomoftyto]

Ah, POE has entered its Murderstuck phase. (Seriously though I'd be interested in seeing your classpects for the detectives after you finish the game)

AT LAST I have beaten the game and can answer this ask!!

Short answer:

Long answer:

[Reminder that in addition to the canon info on aspects from the Extended Zodiac, I also like to take into consideration the excellent old theories {aspects} from bladekindeyewear, a lot of which seem to have made their way onto the MSPA wiki {classes}!]

I'm going to try desperately not to overthink this too badly by psychoanalyzing the characters and their growth over the course of the narrative, because for past attempts at this sort of thing I've had people tell me my choices are way off base lol. As a result some of these will be a little more straightforward than my usual fare.

And, it JUST SO HAPPENS that when I go with my gut instincts like this, the full cast (minus Senior) lines up pretty perfectly with the full set of 12 aspects! That's too beautiful to ignore, so I'm sticking with it. >:)

Anyway, let's get into it:

Incompetent/Ideal Detectives: Heir of Mind

This one's kind of a no-brainer. The Denouement is without question a Mind power, anticipating possible outcomes before they happen. Not to mention Mind's general association with rationality and logic--necessary traits for any detective worth their salt. Mind is also all about your choices and how they change you, echoing the themes of growth and optimism for things to get better, even in the face of despair. It feels right to me if Wato and Saika to share a classpect, particularly the Heir class considering each of them literally inherited the Ideal title from the other. Heir is also thought to be a passive class, which suits their shared tendency to guide the other detectives to finding the solutions rather than solving every little mystery by themselves.

Doleful Detective: Rogue of Doom

Oh boy. In a brighter world, Doleful could have EASILY been the Light-bound of the group. His entire shtick is being supernaturally lucky--even to the point of tragedy. He would have been the group's Vriska, except with troubles that were no fault of his own. HOWEVER, clearly, the reality of who Doleful actually is paints us a very different picture. What we get instead is someone whose entire existence circles around the ideas of sacrifice and suffering. It becomes an obsession for him, both as a detective (as seen in his primary contribution to the group being putting himself in harm's way) and as the Duke (as seen in... his entire outlook on society). As a Rogue, his purpose is to "steal" the suffering of the masses, in his own twisted, pessimistic way, and because this is a passive class, he does it in the most indirect way possible.

Renegade Detective: Bard of Rage

This fucker is Gamzee Makara. I mean just look at him. He has the hair and everything.

...No but seriously, I'm not even joking with this. Go read the Extended Zodiac's description for Rage and tell me that's not Renegade in a nutshell. "Contempt for falsehoods, including the stability those false ideas can impart." "Would rather tear down a system and live in anarchy if they think the system is built on faulty premises." "Difficult to convince otherwise once attached to an idea." He's SO single-minded in his beliefs that he dies with a grin on his face just because his death follows his twisted worldview (which, wouldn't you know it, is another thing he shares with a certain purpleblooded troll). He also incites literal chaos and anger among the other detectives, particularly Workaholic, pulling them into similar delusions of there only being a single, violent way forward.

Armor Detective: Knight of Space

This man is pure physicality. He's simple, in every sense of the word. Just a huge, solid wall, an impenetrable barrier to all threats. He has a single solution to every problem, and that's to position himself in between danger and the people he wants to protect. And of course he's a Knight: his greatest asset--nay, his very essence--is the material suit of armor he's equipped with at all times.

Rowdy Detective: Maid of Breath

What is Breath but the embodiment of movement? As the athlete of the group, Rowdy definitely does plenty of that. But Breath also implies direction, bringing to mind her hanafuda cards, which she consults not to seek external guidance but to reinforce her own decision. Once she's pointed herself at a target, there's no stopping her. (Plus also, y'know. There's literal breath, and she has a pretty good sense of smell lmaO.) Maids, at least in the theories I follow, are an active class, and Rowdy is a prime example, manifesting her own forward momentum and allowing no room for doubt.

Downtown Detective: Thief of Heart

Heart is the aspect of identity and, relatedly, of facades--something Downtown knows all about. Outwardly, she presents a cheery, playfully snarky personality, but this is only one of many layers of masks. Her mastery of these countless faces are what makes her so skilled at manipulating other people. She sees effortlessly into what makes people tick, steers the conversation to revealing the info she wants, and then, like any good Thief, snatches up the resulting spoils. Heart also, however, refers to the unchanging core of what makes a person who they are, and to me this is highlighted by the way Downtown holds so tightly to the memory of her friend Miyuki, no matter how far she sinks into the Duke's web of lies and death.

Bookworm Detective: Mage of Light

I said I wasn't going to get too into character growth in these analyses but HEAR ME OUT. The obvious aspect for Bookworm would be Void, right? Her manner of speech literally obfuscates her emotions behind the detached wording of a third-person narration. Plus she's goth as hell. But much like with Rose Lalonde before her, I argue that this is because she starts out with her aspect "inverted", and that her self-actualization comes in the form of her embracing her true nature: Light. Light can mean fortune, as I mentioned in Doleful's entry, but it is also knowledge and clarity. Bookworm's greatest weapon is her encyclopedic recall, and this is put to best use only when she begins to open up to and cooperate with the other detectives. The sense of triumph Wato (and I) experienced every time she felt confident enough to speak in first person should be more than enough to prove that the Void clinging to her psyche is only holding her back from her full potential.

Posh Detective: Seer of Hope

The aspect of Hope can best be summed up as "fake it 'til you make it", and if that doesn't encapsulate Posh as a person, then I don't know what does. Even with her family fallen on hard times, she relies on a carefully constructed facade of wealth and influence to convince others of her abilities. Though this performance isn't always the most convincing to the other detectives, her stubborn refusal to abandon it is no accident on her part. She has convinced herself that her aspirations of rank and prestige (both within the Detective Alliance and in society at large) will manifest if only she can inextricably associate herself with the role. As a Seer, her job is to passively guide others with insight related to her aspect--which brings to mind her naively confident guesses that fail to be correct on their own but can and do divert the discussion indirectly toward the solution.

Mystic Detective: Sylph of Blood

With a name like Van Helsing, he had to be Blood, right? It just feels right with his occult proclivities. But even on a metaphorical level, Blood first and foremost represents the bonds between people, an appropriate theme for the group's resident father figure. Mystic is known for solving his cases with exceptional compassion and patience, emphasizing how the primary source of his success is his ability to connect with those who had otherwise been abandoned. These helpless clients, along with his more direct ties like his adoption of Bookworm and his gentle mentorship of Wato, bring to mind how Sylphs are specifically known to be a "healing" class.

Workaholic Detective: Prince of Time

Time can be a difficult aspect to explain. Like Space, it tends toward the literal, though even in that sense I feel Workaholic is the best fit for it, what with his fixation on past wrongs and his relentless, sleepless march toward his target like a clockwork automaton. In a more figurative sense, Time can be associated with inevitability or even entropy, which evoke Workaholic's single-minded pursuit of justice despite knowing his own destruction was likely to occur alongside Renegade's. Princes are famously referred to as the "destroyer" class, and he certainly fits the bill, both erasing time with the sense of urgency created by his betrayal and also directly cutting short the "time" of those he killed.

Gourmet Detective: Witch of Void

The Void aspect represents both literal nothingness (like the hunger that plagues Gourmet even years after the tragedy that nearly starved her) and also secrets (like the undercover role she played for the FBI). Even Gourmet's facial expressions tend to be vacuous, revealing nothing of her true thoughts or motivations unless she reaches a breaking point. Witches are a vaguely defined class but are thought to be an active one, perhaps breaking the rules of their aspect to their advantage. If so, this could be connected to Gourmet's superhuman gastonomy and sense of smell--imagine an all-consuming black hole, where our very understanding of physics starts to break down--but either way she definitely wields both her hunger and her secrets with deliberate precision.

Techie Detective: Page of Life

Techie's is the classpect I am least certain/happy about, but to be perfectly honest I don't think ANY of the aspects are a clean fit for him. That said, of the ones that do feel related, Life seems like a decent choice for a few reasons--not the least of which is his well-established habit of anthropomorphizing inanimate gadgets and robots. One could say he "imbues them with life". I would argue that, like Bookworm, Techie is still early in his growth, and this is reflected in my assigning him as a Page. Pages are known for being the slowest to bloom but with some of the greatest potential of all the classes, which rings familiar when one considers the sections of his profile that describe him "stagnating" in the rankings and apprenticing under a capricious dandy. With proper support and guidance, Techie would certainly be on track to do great things with his future. While Renegade accuses him of relying on others too much, Techie's willingness to sacrifice his chair to save the others--even when that would mean giving up his own independence--serves as proof to me that he's well on his way to embodying the quintessential Life-bound trait of putting others' needs before his own.

...And, uh, that's everybody! Unfortunately these assignments mean the party's session was doomed the moment Workaholic fried himself. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ No frogs for you, detectives!