#oh diet culture sucks

[gods-angriest-girl]

🫀🍽️

[echthr0s]

"god why do I feel like I'm always eating, what the fuck"

> actually looks back on what I've eaten all day, tallies probable amount of calories with generous estimates in cases I'm less sure about

> 1300 total, with generous estimates (so closer to 1000 with more conservative estimates)ed

[bubble-leaves]

If you're able would you mind trying friendship/relationship headcanons for zeki? I love your writing and it sucks that no one does anything for this sleezy space cat. Thanks is advance!

I sure can!

(I don't care what anybody says, this sleazeball needs to be romanceable or else.)

Zeki . . .

- is a completely confident tomcat until he accidentally falls in love

- isn’t the type to get noticeably flustered, of course, considering his salesman lifestyle, but he does feel his heart beat thunderously when you’re around

- is initially ashamed for being attracted to you, as he knows a relationship could be used against him if he got into bad blood with the cartels he works with, and you are too lovely to be put in that sort of danger — alas, you make him weak. Agh, this is all your fault!

- starts treating you a little differently when you come into the shop to buy things, i.e. giving you absurd discounts, giving you affectionate names, etc.

(“Oh, pumpkin, take back your coin, the sundrop lilies have been reduced to just 11 gold.”

“11 gold?! That’s half off, since when do you do half off prices?”

“Since, ehm . . . now?”)

- is surprised to see you in the Black Market at first, as he doesn’t really associate you with his illegal activities yet

- later confides in you with exclusive, private information about his trade deals and debts he’s in

- appreciates the advice and reassurance you give on such matters, but also in general

- invites you over to his place from time to time for tea and chat; the invites increase as you both get closer

- actually shows a bit of bashfulness when you give him gifts; he’s never been given meaningful gifts from anyone in Kilima, and gift-giving is his favorite love language

- obviously gives you gifts as well, half of them being highly illegal flow-infused materials and treasures

- will often touch you with innocuous gestures, like holding your shoulder, caressing your cheek, brushing hair out of your eyes, etc.

- can sometimes hear your heartbeat if it’s beating hard; his 4 ears make him sensitive to frequencies like it

- asks if he can brush your hair after a while of being in a relationship; why? Because Grimalkins value fur grooming in close bonds, and your hair is the closest he can get to his tradition with your physiology

- melts into you and purrs loudly whenever you pet or brush him back

- additionally values snuggling as a Grimalkin; listen, the culture in his blood loves cuddling up with his partner! Partners are the only people they can be so close and intimate with, after all

- “laughs” flatly and unenthusiastically when you spout feline jokes, but still thinks your delivery is adorable

- is lowkey a wonderful cook, although he mainly sticks to a pescatarian diet and cooks as such

- secretly writes to his ma about you like a smitten boy who fell in love for the first time

- will absolutely not get up before he normally does in the morning; if you have go somewhere before dawn, you’ll have to listen to him dramatically complain and moan about how cold the bed is without you and how he’s going to die if you don’t come back to sleep with him

- can’t sleep in, but he'll make it up to you by making you breakfast; he'll leave it upon the nightstand on your side of the bed for you

- will always kiss you goodbye, no matter where he’s going or where you’re heading off to

[ravenwoodalum]

on karamelle, why it sucks, and redeeming azteca's reputation.

I just got to Karamelle for the second time, and good lord. I hadn't forgotten how much I hated it, but it hit me like a wall of bricks. And I'm already preparing myself to marathon it and be fucking done questing here for at least a year.

I think it breaks down like this.

Baby's first workers rights movement/sugary-sweet surveillance state Listen. I know this is a game that doesn't allow for player characters to have much individual impact on the in-game narrative. I know we've had to do errands for cops. I know we work for a war criminal. I KNOW there are flaws in the system. But there's something about the way that Karamelle's set up that makes it all feel so. much. worse. And that's the fact that Karamelle has such a stellar reputation within the Spiral before this. The happiest place in the Spiral, the sweetest treats in the Spiral. Everyone seems to fucking love this place. Almost no one outside of those actually working there seem to understand how corrupt it is. And so the YW is talked down to at every turn, like this is their first exposure to a corrupt environment. And sure, maybe it is within, canon. YW gets isekai'd at a very young age and then made into a child soldier, maybe this is actually the first time in canon that they've been introduced to these concepts. But (and this may just be me) it feels really rude to the player -- who might actually have experience with these ideas -- to make them feel like a fucking idiot with the dialogue options. Karamelle's characters just feel rude.

Oh, so the Gobblers were a fatphobic, Roald Dahl type thing from the start. Cool cool cool. Any of you ever read Roald Dahl's book "The Twits"? It's a very unremarkable story all things considered, except for this bit.

Aside from Roald Dahl's unavoidable history of antisemitism, does this remind you of anything? Honestly, this reminds me of the Gobbblers.

We first meet the Gobblers around level 10 in Wizard City -- creatures driven by consumption. And then we get to Empyrea and hear that the Alphoi -- skinny "civilized" creatures -- can become Gobblers if they eat too much or are unhealthy in their eating habits. Which makes one of our oldest running enemies a loop-around fatphobic thing, ESPECIALLY when we get to them in Karamelle, the home world of the Gobblers. Rosina, especially, just oozes fatphobia and diet culture. The literal vilification of being fat isn't even subtext, it's just text.

The Old One, The Cabal, and what to do when your escape from the world ends up shoving what you were escaping from right back in your face. When I was in sophomore year of college, fall of 2019, I had one of the worst mental health periods of my life. Antisemitism was fucking everywhere, I was always a moment away from a panic attack, and it felt like no one understood. While I'm lucky in the fact that I was able to get an official diagnosis for genetically inherited PTSD, alongside the reassurance that I wasn't fucking crazy, there was a period when I just needed to go home for a moment. So when I was going back to my dorm from the dining hall to make sure all my stuff was ready to go, I opened up tumblr and made a post on a long-gone RP sideblog I had for the Swedish Chef (y'know, from The Muppets? long story), and before I'd even gotten halfway across campus, I'd received threatening and violent messages from someone RPing as Borat, which only got worse when they realized they were talking to an actual Jewish person.

That escape from reality didn't even last five fucking minutes before the horrors I was trying to avoid found me.

Now, Wizard101 has always been a source of comfort for me. I made my account fourteen years ago, and I do not know what my life would look like if I hadn't done that. There are flaws with this game, yes, sure, but over the past five years (since I got a wiz compatible laptop) I've developed a bit of a reliance on it to get me through the horrors. No better form of escapism.

But no art form is free of the horrors.

And Wizard101 has the fucking Cabal and Old One.

The Cabal within the fiction of Wizard101 is a secret, nefarious organization pulling the strings on events across the Spiral, controlling history from the shadows. This term literally originates in antisemitic conspiracy theory, with the term 'cabal' originating from the term for Jewish mysticism, 'kabbalah'. And I promise you, you've heard plenty of applications of this conspiracy theory in real life too. It feeds into the idea that Jews (or 'global elite') control the government, the media, the banks.

And then, we get to the man in control of it all. The Old One. Whether or not this was intended, he's a walking, talking antisemitic caricature. The octopus as a symbol for the mythical Elders of Zion is a longstanding dogwhistle (see attached for a guide to this and many other visual dogwhistles). "Oh, he's based on H.P. Lovecraft-" So he's based on the works of a famous racist and antisemite, cool cool cool.

It's just exhausting, walking through a world that is so clearly modeled after Germany and other parts of eastern Europe, and finding antisemitism around every corner. And even more exhausting considering it's almost impossible to tell if they meant to do it. Antisemitism is so fucking ingrained in the world at this point that I don't actually know what they meant to do here, what they did maliciously or out of ignorance, or if any of it was put in with the purpose of turning it on its head. Over the past few years, it has become glaringly obvious that a lot of people don't realize when they're running across antisemitism, or even taking part in it. Including people I really thought would know better.

Side note. For those of you who know I see Dasein as Jewish, you may be wondering how I balance that out with the antisemitic nature of The Old One, since they share a physical form. I think of it like this. Dasein did not choose The Old One. He did not choose to resemble that, but he can attempt to reclaim it. Dasein's Judaism comes not from the resemblance he holds to the hatred that haunts us, but from the love that keeps us going. He questions authority and longstanding tradition, chooses to do what's right instead of what's expected, and is kind in the face of hatred. He literally makes himself, and a world, out of nothingness. Something out of Nothing. He's so Jewish you guys.

The Spiral's "Worst World Award" goes to... I know we all say "fuck Azteca" pretty often on this website, but I don't think it deserves to be deigned the worst world in Wiz. My main gripe with Azteca is how inaccessible it gets after Xibalba strikes -- the flashing lights aren't exactly photosensitive friendly. Which further lends frustration to my completionist nature, meaning I have to finish all quests, badges, and fishing before I finish the world (making it take forever to finish). Aside from that, there really isn't that much wrong with the world (and if you argue that it sucks because you can't save Azteca, I get it, but some tragedies are inescapable by their very nature). It's a problem of gameplay, versus a problem of plot in the case of Karamelle. And maybe its just because I'm a writer, but problems with plot feel much more egregious. I really do think Karamelle deserves more vitriol than it gets.

G-d, I can't wait to get to Lemuria.

[tokuvivor]

For this past Saturday’s final Halloween Movie Night of the month (this one focusing on the holiday itself, as well as Day of the Dead), once again, you’ll be getting highlights from both me and @violetganache42! So, here you have ‘em:

"Trick or Treat":

The triplets in their iconic Halloween costumes!

The rip having so much fucking camera movement and low volume

The Trick or Treat song!

@puffyducks: "she hurt his fragile masculinity"

The triplets watching Witch Hazel mess with Donald like: "Oh, boy! Violence!"

This fucking panel lmao

"The Town Where Everyone Was Nice!" (Rewatch):

"Have you ever been to Bahia?"

Panchito and José appearance!

Saludos Amigos easter egg!

The whole scene about Donald accidentally dropping Dewey's egg 😂

Scrooge still being a hater lol

Huey: "Uncle Donald, you're very successful. You raised three boys and are rich in love. Isn't that the true measure of success?"

Scrooge and Donald: "No!"

Violet: "How is that not successful?!"

Violet sharing GIFs of various moments from the episode like last time:

Autism diet (Donald's just like us FR!) (i.e. macaroni and cheese)

@alex31624: "Webby has fallen"

Violet: "in Lego City"

Puffy and Violet making FNAF jokes, from the Bite of '87 to Bonnie on the burro tour sign

Dewey's words of wisdom (screenshot from when we first watched this episode together last November):

Puffy wanting to throw Dewey and Louie into the sun a la Storkules

Violet upon seeing Scrooge's reaction to Donald taking his wallet:

@fantasticenthusiasttale: “Webby please we literally know only 3 phrases of english stop asking”

Alex: “is amazing that a brasilian plant knows english at all”

@writebackatya: “I just realized that both episodes have a moment where Donald is being wrestled by someone and he starts tapping out”

Huey and Webby not sucking in this episode

Alex: “who hires a mariachi for a kids party”

Puffy: “they took the gay </3”

Briefly discussing Webby’s party in The Last Adventure!

The Trickening! (Rewatch)

Huey as Gizmoduck!

Louie sucking in both episodes we watched

Duck Twins!

Why do people hate this episode?

“WE’RE GONNA ROB A CANDY STORE?!”

Puffy: “not poor bluebert 😭”

“why didn't they send Webby first she's the one that can fight lmfao”

“what the hell is dewey gonna do if he finds a monster”

Poltergeist reference

“Donald, you’re the victim.”

Launchpad’s ridiculous Halloween backstory

Uno reference

The kid that looked like Timmy Jenkins😠

Donald, Della, and Launchpad being an amazing dynamic

Launchpad and Scrooge’s fight!

Chris P. Bacon being one of the names on the headstones

Dreamy: “‘Last halloween’ meanwhile scrooge is out there 150 y/o still doing it”

Creepy twins!

The Shining references

Launchpad reading the candy wrapper

Beakley as Darkwing!

“I love Hallowoon!”

The poll at the end for whose costume was the best

Puffy: “no it's foreshadowing that huey is gonna DIE”

¡Felíz Cumpleaños!

Panchito and José are back!

The evil piñatas

Puffy bringing up The Book of Life

Will: “I’ve only played the game and had the cereal”

Fin

The charm of Paul Rudish shorts that take place in other cultures

Puffy: “me at 4 years old watching José rattle off Portuguese in The Three Caballeros (I have no idea what he's saying but I am enthralled)”

Will: “damn you looked just like JFK when you were a kid”

Coco

Why do people make Dos jokes about Uno? (It’s Italian (Due), not Spanish)

The opening narration being visualized through papel picado

Puffy:

Ernesto de la Cruz

Puffy: “1942 HE DIED 2 YEARS BEFORE THE CABALLEROS NOOOO”

The mariachi player that Miguel is shining the shoes of being supportive of his dream

@teleportzz: “never name a street”

“Papá is home?”

Dante being the best boy throughout the movie

Miguel’s de la Cruz shrine

Puffy: “my room looks like this but with donald duck plushes”

Miguel getting grossed out by the romantic scenes

Mech: “aromantic moment”

Abuelita smashing Miguel’s guitar‼️

Don’t mess with the dead!

Will: “Cut him some slack he’s just a little kid”

“Thinking by the heart not the brain”

Puffy: “No he should be responsible for all of his actions ever we've established this for fictional characters”

“especially traumatized little boys”

“Your photo’s on your dentist’s ofrenda.”

The guy in question:

The long line for customs

Héctor as Frida Kahlo

Mamá Imelda! (And her frustrations with the computer)

Alex: “the dead use windows”

Dreamy: “Then he finds out he cant have a blessing because hes adopted”

Puffy: “found family is still family”

Pepita!

@spamtoon: “cog this movie's environments are so beautiful” (very, very true)

Dreamy: “Hot take: Ernesto de la cruz is Mariah Carey for dia de los muertos”

The mango scene

Chorizo bullying

Chicharrón’s final death (very sad, but also, this exchange):

Héctor: “And her…knuckles, they drag on the floor.”

Chicharrón: “Those aren’t the words.”

Héctor: “There are children present.”

Miguel and Héctor shouting like Panchito

UN POCO LOCO!

Mamá Imelda singing for the first time in the movie

Puffy: “gonna be awkward when he dies and then he's stuck with all his family forever”

Puffy getting Latinified

Miguel’s dog🤝de la Cruz’s horse

Dante

Miguel and de la Cruz meet

Puffy: “YAYYYY movie over!!”

Dreamy: “Frida kahlo number 2 is his drag name”

Héctor revealing de la Cruz’s true nature (plus the fact that he killed Héctor and put it in a movie, like wtf)

Puffy: “he just has like. a big scary pit outside his mansion”

Spam: “like all billionaires cmon mark installed his last week. real big vanity point (joke)”

The origins of Remember Me

Puffy: “I like the convenience of the whole plot twist working because nobody ever bothered to say each other's names”

Dante the spirit guide!

Sneaking into the Sunrise Spectacular (shades of A Goofy Movie, anyone?)

Me: “If I had a nickel for every time I 2 I was mentioned in the server this week…” (the first time being me showing the recent Dancing with the Stars team dance to the song)

“I don’t know, I’m still mad at you!”

Mamá Imelda singing reprise!

Me: “I’ve never seen this episode of DWTS”

Puffy: “imagine seeing this shit live”

Alex: “you mean dead”

The crowd booing de la Cruz (Puffy: “WHO HAD THE TOMATO 😭”)

de la Cruz getting crushed by the bell again

Puffy: “well now he's gonna be on true crime podcasts so”

Me pointing out that Miguel left his sweatshirt behind

The scene where Mamá Coco remembers Héctor when Miguel sings Remember Me to her (and everyone loses their shit, despite saying they’re not (cont’d.))

One year later…Mamá Coco has died in the interim

Alex: “well, she was old as hell”

Miguel bringing it home with Proud Corazón

Dante and Pepita being friends in the human realm

Watching through the credits because yes

Me: “Hermosa. Una película muy hermosa”

Dreamy: “Another one for the latin-america Alex WOOHOOOOOO”

Me: “Hey, you gotta use 4 semesters’ worth of Spanish some time”

But yes, it was a fantastic movie.

[jewishbarbies]

I personally think Taylors whole appeal is that she tells people, through her bland music and even blander personality, that it's okay and even celebrational to be completely fucking mediocre in every aspect.

There's a reason her biggest base is white suburbanites. Their lives are the epitome of bland and mediocre, not to sound like a bitch but it's the truth every house the same, hoa nonsense, two to five kids who predictably play soccer/dance/gymnastics so their days are gobbled up by children and they have zero personal lives. They're usually shackled to partners they hate but would never say that out loud unless under extreme stress. They're borderline alcoholics but hide it behind "mommy needs her juice" wine culture.

Taylor Swift, if she was not a celebrity, would 1000% be living the exact same life and that's the exact crux of her popularity to me. They want excitement but in the ~oh let's be naughty~ gay voice way, and Taylor's music provides just enough to them (despite being painfully tame and masquerading as "I'm actually a bad girl" cringe shit) that they can live vicariously through her, pretend for five minutes they're in love with a british actor with an exciting life or the american football player constantly going on dates.

She tells them through her every action that basically, it's okay to be the most stereotypical white woman on earth and nobody should shame them for it. It also empowers them in white feminism, being able to stay silent on issues because they don't actually give a fuck, and hang out with racist pieces of shit because "hey you can't blame a woman for the decisions of others!".

It's actually so insidious when people deflect on her behalf and say it's her fans that promote bad behavior or make her look bad but when has she ever addressed her fans in any way that'll not stoking the fires of their diet qanon fan culture? She has never in the history of her career reprimanded her fans. That's a choice, a purposeful one at that. Because it gives her the same old shield of well I can't be blamed for the actions of others, and it sends the same message to her fans so it's a fucked up circle of "I'm blameless!!! It's sexist to blame me it's not my fault my boyfriend/husband is a piece of shit!".

She gives people permission, essentially. Permission to be boring as fuck. Permission to be a shit person. And unfortunately tons of people LOVE being given permission to be assholes, even arbitrary permission from a celebrity. So to me that's why they'll defend her until they're blue in the face and panting, because she's their permission to suck

[mayhemchicken-varneyposting]

Varney the Vampire, Chapter 14: I Do Not Drink...Wine

[Previous chapter] [Next chapter]

A servant enters, bringing a tray of refreshments, but Henry is in no mood for snacking and Varney is...ahem...on a strict diet. Henry notices a scar on Varney's forehead, and remembers that the man in the portrait has the exact same scar. By this point Henry has had enough, and rises to leave. Varney asks him for an answer about the selling of Bannerworth Hall, and Henry replies that Varney can have it if he promises to never show his face to anyone in the family again. Varney is disappointed by this answer, as he was hoping to get to know Henry's sister, and Henry all but calls Varney a monster to his face.

Henry and Marchdale finally leave. Henry is so agitated that he wants to either kill Varney or die. Marchdale urges him to cool it on the thoughts of murder, reminding him that his sister, whom Henry had forgor, is also in danger of becoming a vampire, and only has Henry for support. Henry points out that she also has Charles; Marchdale scoffs at this, predicting that Charles will desert Flora due to her having been tainted by the vampire. Henry is offended on Charles' behalf but stops short of becoming angry with Marchdale.

The two of them briefly discuss methods of killing a vampire, but soon set such plans aside, focusing instead on the task at hand of lying to the rest of the family to spare them the awful news.

For a story with almost no cultural staying power outside of the Victorian era, Varney sure did grandfather a lot of vampire tropes.

"You take nothing yourself?" said Henry.

"I am under a strict regimen," replied Varney. "The simplest diet alone does for me, and I have accustomed myself to long abstinence."

"He will not eat or drink," muttered Henry, abstractedly.

The narrative goes out of its way to single out wine as one of the provided refreshments, by the way.

Speaking of weird Dracula coincidences, if I had a nickel for every time a literary vampire had a distinctive forehead scar that was used to identify him, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.

Varney continues to wind Henry up on purpose, this time with some creep remarks about his sister. I must assume the implication here is he wants to court her, presumably after the fashion of Lord Ruthven.

"How very unkind. I understand you have a charming sister, young, beautiful, and accomplished. Shall I confess, now, that I had hopes of making myself agreeable to her?"

"You make yourself agreeable to her? The sight of you would blast her for ever, and drive her to madness."

"Am I so hideous?"

"No, but—you are—"

"What am I?"

You can almost see him struggling to hold back a grin. Poor Henry is making this so easy for him.

By the time they leave, Henry is spiraling. The visit with Varney, having confirmed all his worst fears, has nearly broken him.

"He is a vampyre. There are such things. I cannot doubt now. Oh, God, I wish now that your lightnings would blast me, as here I stand, for over into annihilation, for I am going mad to be compelled to feel that such horrors can really have existence."

"Henry—Henry."

"Nay, talk not to me. What can I do? Shall I kill him? Is it not a sacred duty to destroy such a thing?"

Henry, as I said last chapter, doesn't really have the Jonathan Harker murderous determination in him, but he's certainly trying to work it up here. Marchdale, however, talks him down.

"I must destroy him."

"And wherefore?"

"Can you ask? Is he not a vampyre?"

"Yes; but reflect, Henry, for a moment upon the length to which you might carry out so dangerous an argument. It is said that vampyres are made by vampyres sucking the blood of those who, but for that circumstance, would have died and gone to decay in the tomb along with ordinary mortals; but that being so attacked during life by a vampyre, they themselves, after death, become such."

"Well—well, what is that to me?"

"Have you forgotten Flora?"

A cry of despair came from poor Henry's lips, and in a moment he seemed completely, mentally and physically, prostrated.

"God of Heaven!" he moaned, "I had forgotten her!"

"I thought you had."

Also on display here is Henry's almost comical lack of object permanence. You forgot her? Your entire sister? Henry.

Once again, Dracula presents a fascinating contrast. In Dracula, the threat of Mina turning is presented as a motivator to the characters to kill Dracula; here, the same threat to Flora serves the opposite. Van Helsing is adamant that killing the vampirized Lucy is an act of mercy; Marchdale here seems to imply the reverse is true.

From here, the conversation takes an odd turn.

"My dear friend, Henry Bannerworth, although I am not an old man, yet I am so much older than you that I have seen a great deal of the world, and am, perhaps, far better able to come to accurate judgments with regard to individuals."

"No doubt—no doubt; but yet—"

"Nay, hear me out. Such judgments, founded upon experience, when uttered have all the character of prophecy about them. I, therefore, now prophecy to you that Charles Holland will yet be so stung with horror at the circumstance of a vampyre visiting Flora, that he will never make her his wife."

This after Charles has already sworn, multiple times, that he will not leave Flora's side no matter what horrors she faces. Marchdale really seems to have it out for Charles.

"It has often been my misfortune through life," said Mr. Marchdale, sadly, "to give the greatest offence where I feel the truest friendship, because it is in such quarters that I am always tempted to speak too freely."

"Nay, no offence," said Henry. "I am distracted, and scarcely know what I say. Marchdale, I know you are my sincere friend—but, as I tell you, I am nearly mad."

It continues to sadden me how easily Henry falls for Marchdale's passive-aggressive behavior. He's being so manipulative, Henry! Don't listen to him!

After this, Marchdale counsels that Henry not tell the rest of the family his conviction that Varney is the vampire. Once again, lying to your loved ones is painted as Good Actually.

Henry resolves to kill Varney if he ever shows his face around them, and he and Marchdale bring up staking and fire as two methods of killing a vampire. Contrary to modern pop culture, where a wooden stake is a sort of vampire-killing magic bullet, the rationale for a stake killing a vampire is that it pins them to the earth, preventing them from rising - an explanation which, as I understand it, is much closer to original vampire folklore.

Next: A couple of new characters are introduced

[tothepointofinsanity]

Hiii

I don't mean to like give unsolicited advice, but if you're having frequent nightmares I actually have experience with that. I tend to have nightmares in clumps- either I don't have dreams at all or I have nightmares daily, which can be really frustrating sometimes but you learn how to deal with it.

Heres what I found works for avoiding the big scare:

-Avoiding Spicy Food. Idk why but eating spicy food seems to make your brain more active at night whiiiich just leads to sum scary shenanigans

-Hot Milk. If your lactose intolerant or just don't like milk, tea works fine too, but something about Milk itself is very soothing especially mixed with honey. Knocks me right out.

-Meditation. Ik everyone says this one but lowkey i think it really does help. A troubled mind does lead to troubled dreams, and often times u get end to end nightmares if your dealing w stress or anxiety yk. Meditation rlly grounds a person and gets their brain used to being still again, altho there are lots of ways to achieve this even if u don't like meditating ygm

With all that said, I really really hope that ur nightmares come to an end soon ik it rlly sucks :/ WISHING U WELLLLL

Oh, hello sailor. ^_^ I’m flabbergasted that no one told me that the cultural diet and way of life that I’ve been living for the past…..entire life has apparently been contributing to the burden of my nightmares. Unfortunately I cannot part with spice as it would spiritually destroy me. I love being able to flex my spice tolerance and here I am paying the price of my hubris./lh

I actually do like drinking milk at night but I realised I only drink the refrigerated ones. Warm milk tastes strange. It seems like I’m doing everything within my power to do the opposite of what you recommended unintentionally. I do like to drink tea…as for meditation, I do believe it has its merits and I’m not so quick as to dismiss it considering a lot of my previous teachers have actually advised the same of me. Some even recommending yoga. Which only goes to show I may have Problems if the advice I keep getting is more or less the same. Meeting up with people actually effectively lessens my nightmares for whatever reason, which is why you’ll catch me mumbling about gallery dates any other alternate day. Anyways. I’ve observed my nightmares are only whenever I’m at home and never occur when I’m sleeping at the dormitory. Wonder if there’s anything up with that.

Nevertheless, I truly appreciate your concern and support. I think the truth is that I am actually just a troubled person with a troubled past and future and predisposed to having an ape brain that runs simulations on the most repulsive possibilities. Very common vein of possibilities in on itself. Person experiences bad things, their brain makes them remember it in different monstrous forms. Maybe I should really look into being medicated to calm my brain. Please take care as well…^^

[sillyname30]

I went back to the year 2021 and listened to the second episode of That Thing I Do.

Darren, Este Haim and Maya Rudoph all speak several languages.

Darren: We are all muscial ear people here. So accents and character sounds do come naturally. That was my quarantine project – learning languages. But that comes always natural to me. I sucked at school. Languages great. Easy. Love languages.

Maya: How did you study? Darren: This is such a longer conversation and because you're our guest of honor I don't want to open to much because I know myself and I know I talk to much. Let's just say I did a verity of things. I just taught myself a few different languages. And I have a whole methodology of, like I always go with a certain app first that I actually do. Because people usually buy them, do it for two days and then go „that was fun!“ and they’re done. It’s like a workout program or a diet, it’s like they buy it to feel good and they don’t actually fucking do it. I actually do it, then I get a tutor, and then I immerse myself hardcore, my phone is in that language. It’s a big to do, but I highly recommend it.

Darren: There's a really interesting thing that I'm trying to tie everything. It seems my general thing I do. But the reason why I love languages, you know performing, photography, drawing, designing, all of it, it’s a language. And there is a through line. There are natural laws and rules and regulations that kind of make things work or not work. What I love particularly about Japanese is how quickly you realize that language itself, communication itself, is completely abstract and arbitrary. That there is no one way to say anything. So when people go „Oh, how do I say this in English in Japanese?“ I’m like, „Oh, I’m gonna stop you right there. You don’t say it in English in Japanese. You just say it in Japanese.“ So I guess what I’m trying to say is that, what’s fun about communicating is that everything has its own pathway, things are not black and white. We don’t live in a sort of like concrete universe of absolutes. Things are very abstract and amorphous. And I love that, you know.

Darren on why jokes don't work in a different language: Language and music and culture is tied to its thousands of years of cultural shit that is baked into the cake of a language. Like there are things in Japanese that are funny to us because we’re not Japanese. But they exist because of systems that have been around in Japan forever, you know, so, this is a huge Pandora’s box that I could get into.

[keshetchai]

@highlighteretcigarettes okay so just posting tags separately because that post was getting long and this is now a whole side topic BUT!!! Re: witch-washing.

Bullet points just to organize my thoughts:

Wrt to the marketing of it all, this is something I noticed first in bookstores as someone who used to constantly hang out in the religion sections as a tween. It used to be that in chain bookstores "New Age" was either right next to general religion (aka mostly Christianity and then small spots for everything else), OR one aisle over. Nowadays I've noticed chains like B&N put MUCH more distance between the two areas - like one of my local ones has them in wholly different floors. And it's now "Spirituality" I think? A lot of the category labels seem to no longer say neo-pagan/pagan or even new age, it's just "spirituality" and "astrology."

Actually I think this is very intentional. I think I've seen this in indie bookstores too, but B&N is a definite for this: they shelve next to diet, health, and cookbooks now. Not religion. Keep in mind I grew up in a red state in a heavily Christian area, and back then, new age was still in the same general area as the rest of religion at the local Borders or Walden's or B&N. Now, it's holistic health, diet, exercise, cookbooks, and spirituality.

It doesn't escape me that this is entirely "things we can market as lifestyles that someone can buy into." These publishers clearly broke into the capitalist market and have thrived there. I suspect that for the booksellers and publishers, the distancing from the rest of religion (a "status quo") is intentional. It's like what hot topic is to goth subculture.

Although like you said, I don't think this is limited to chain stores even. I've seen plenty of small new age/spirituality/pagan shops irl, and can't recall a single one that didn't also sell tons of cheap mass produced trinkets, often hyping up their hand crafted quality or the exoticness of the item obtained. Cheap mass produced junk is probably in every religion of course, but yeah, there IS a bigger sense of "buying things" in some religions more than others. Christian evangelicals do this with precious moments figurines and their wall o'crosses decor. Pagans have their own versions of that kind of spiritual consumerism. I do often walk away with the sense that if there was a market population to support it, it would be just as capitalistic and hallmark-y. Lots of shit on Etsy is mass produced and repackaged too.

Idk if it's also free elsewhere off the top of my head, but there's an article you could read free on jstor if you sign up - search "plastic shamanism" and man oh man. 10/10 article about cultural appropriation and mass marketing of indigenous religions to non-natives.

(You probably relate to this sentiment): I am Begging EVERYONE, pagan or not, crystal bitch or otherwise: STOP BUYING LAPIS LAZULI!!!! STOP. WHO EXACTLY DO YOU THINK IS EARNING MONEY FROM MINING IN AFGHANISTAN? PRAY TELL?? Stop buying this one expensive blue rock for your energy aura or whatever.

(Also this one): Also as the child of a parent who grew up in a mining company town, and whose grandfather was a chemist for the company, (and who loved me a shiny rock long before crystal everything): stop buying overpriced rocks constantly. At least CONSIDER how they obtained these particular rocks before you buy them willy nilly. Don't buy 30 million crystals and geodes and whatever else mined and polished and all of that, and then claim to love the environment without any sense of irony. The best and coolest rocks are the ones you find and pick yourself anyways, everyone knows that.

I think this is true of any religious objects but like, the best ones are either personally crafted OR made by small artisans and it just sucks that a lot of small businesses try to pass off their goods as things they actually personally designed (even for factory production) or made, when they didn't do either. I personally have taken a lot of time purchasing/obtaining my permanent basic Judaica for a variety of reasons, my feelings about consumption and things (and Jewish thoughts on craftsmanship and beautiful things), being part of that. I think a lot of people have that struggle, where religious objects so often are kinda...produced like they're just future garbage - again, in any religion.

[unhingedwomandiaries]

I should've been working on that project today, but I couldn't stop myself from clicking through one of those brain-numbing articles called "Weird American Stuff That Confuses Europeans!" Not like I need another reason to feel totally disillusioned with office life and its ability to suck out my soul day by day.

But I get weirdly drawn into looking at these online funhouse mirrors that reflect the most garish, traffic cone-lit parts of American culture. So I leaned back and scrolled through, feeling a mix of boredom from suburban parking lots and this amateur anthropologist mindset, like I'm some unhinged woman trying to analyze the shopping habits of middle-aged moms at Target.

The first thing they mentioned? Our yellow school buses, which apparently baffle those beret-wearing European wineos whose kids just...walk to their schools like little Oliver Twist urchins. Meanwhile, us American kids spent more horrific hours trapped inside those sweat-box buses than we ever did sitting in classrooms. That big yellow Twinkie on wheels was as much a part of childhood as getting bullied by the cool kids while lying about when you'd finally lose your virginity.

Then they were like "Americans don't value long courtships?" Yeah, because I totally didn't waste years upon years convincing myself THIS would finally be the time that guy realized how much I truly cherished them, only for it to hit me that they didn't want me at all. Not ever. You can spend literal lifetimes waiting for someone to validate your self-worth like that.

Apparently prom king and queen contests are just popular kids celebrating their looks? Well at my prom I took my friend who was gay and homeschooled. He literally asked me if they'd do a prom king/queen and I said I didn't think so because I never was asked to vote, but then they totally did and I can't even remember who got it. So much for that logical assessment.

They say it's weird we wear pajama pants to school, because heaven forbid we choose comfy clothes over dress codes! Seems weird schools don't just embrace that and hand out muumuus with bedpans attached for peak academic slovenliness. Oh and schools having daycares because we couldn't stop teens from getting pregnant no matter how much we yelled about abstinence? Yeah schools basically transformed into baby farms as a solution.

There were so many silly observations - like our forced pep rallies worshipping mindless rah-rah patriotism. Letting sophomores get driving licenses so every suburban street is a demolition derby of undeveloped teenage brains. Our insanely terrible diets, ensuring half of us are so obese by 35 that we can't even say "riding a mobility scooter" without wheezing.

And free re-re-refills on those grotesque vats of glowing high fructose sludge we call beverages? Well no duh, because once the typical small-town American has ingested enough sugary corn slime to freeze a village in Laos, the last thing they want is a kiddie portion of off-brand cola runoff. We're a nation that views universal healthcare as some Druid Zionist conspiracy to indoctrinate us, so heart disease and diabetes foot is our national pastime.

Oh and they're weirded out we make kids robotically pledge allegiance to a piece of cloth every morning at school? Um, having children cultishly chant creepy obedience vows to laundry in state-sanctioned brainwash factories is as American as school shootings. It's how we stay on brand while continually rewriting the Bill of Rights until we've beaten the population into submission and can burn the whole thing at a pagan bonfire.

At least my high school let us take open book tests. Because the only road to intellectual nirvana is binging White-Out and ranch while drilling codes into your freshly birthed lizard brain-pouch.

Whatever, those Europeans can judge all they want. The batshit contradictions that define America have become performance art celebrations of masochism at this point.

USA! USA!

[nicki0kaye]

I say this as a mf who just found out their brain burns sugar like a mf and that my sugar cravings are said brain freaking its shit out bc it needs heaps and loads to function;

American foods are being poisoned with sugar. There is too much of it in our diet and we aren't choosing that for ourselves, the sugar industry has lobbied and partnered to put sugar in fucking everything and it is not good. It is more than our bodies need, it is entirely there to use our bodies natural craving for sugar against us to fuel profit.

sugar is not inherently evil and diet culture is a fucking plague, but too much of a good thing will still kill you and the fact we don't get a choice in the matter and that it is being placed in products at our expense as a tactic to cause us to crave said product, oh and also how this supports the diet and beauty industry by obscuring a systematic issue fueled by capitalistic greed and selling it as a personal failing on the part of the consumers so that capitalists make even more money, all of this Sucks Shit.

I don't have a solution for this. Shit is just complicated. Ideally being aware of it can result in like action or something, or at least lessen the strain we put on ourselves to conform to our society's beauty standards bc mf, of course you're not losing weight, its grown-in-a-lab turbo sugar all the way down

you can take sweets from my cold dead fingers but I will be damned if I won't bitch about how capitalism is fucking us over in every possible metric, ESPECIALLY by using our innate bodily needs against us

"sugar is poison" sugar is your body's preferred fuel choice and if you stop eating entirely you will die

[sullina]

(content warning: discussion of diet culture, morality of foods)

If you wanna have any idea how legit poisoning (and i do mean poisoning) diet culture is, just know that there are people who will actually encourage you to starve yourself instead of eating anything that is less than absolute peak "healthy"

Those same people will also insist that there are foods and food groups that are absolutely horrid and irredeemable for you, regardless of anything else. Like, "oh, that thing has sugar? Don't eat that! It's gonna poison you forever!" and the thing is question is gonna be, like... a fruit. Like, just an ordinary fruit. And sugar isn't even bad for you. But because of this imagined "terribleness", they will ignore any benefits that eating fruit has, like the fact that they have all kinds of vitamins and minerals that your body desperately needs.

And bread? "Well, it's got carbs, that's basically cancer for your body!" despite bread being a staple food of MANY countries for literally thousands of years, if not longer. Same goes for other staple foods as well like rice.

And I just... I don't get people like that.

I know that, at the end of the day, it's rooted in fatphobia, and this obsession with "good" and "bad" foods is honestly kinda starting to resemble some kind of cult (under the guise of "health").

But still. Eating is one of, if not THE, most widespread earthly pleasure that we can experience. Humans combine ingredients and cook, which makes the variety of what we can consume virtually infinite, which is exactly what has allowed humans to thrive in just about every ecosystem that can support life.

And I know there's money in this health obsession. A LOT of money.

But I'm still just wondering, like... how are there so many people who are legitimately convinced that starving yourself is better than eating something less-than-ideal by their incredibly restrictive standards? And those same people don't even care if you have any kind of dietary restriction, be that allergies or sensory issues or even just plain not liking something. Their response is either "suck it up" or "get this super expensive alternative that is healthy but doesn't taste half as good as the actual thing :) " (oh yeah, and god forbid you're poor of all things)

I don't think the average person is stupid.

But "you need food to survive and live" is literally one of the most basic things one needs to know to, you know, not die. And knowing this isn't dependent on any kind of education, literally every single living being on this planet knows this on an instinctive level, because if they didn't, they wouldn't be alive.

And yet

And yet

Companies and "health gurus" (or whatever you wanna call them) have convinced huge swathes of people that there are foods that are just bad for you now, despite nothing being wrong them less than like 5 years ago.

Just how?

Does the average person just not question anything that comes out of the mouth of someone they percieve to have any kind of authority?

[hollymbryan]

Blog Tour: Top 5 Reasons to Read THE COLLIDING WORLDS OF MINA LEE by Ellen Oh! #tbrbeyondtours

Welcome to Book-Keeping and my stop on the TBR and Beyond Tours blog tour for The Colliding Worlds of Mina Lee by Ellen Oh! This contemporary YA released yesterday, 23 January. I've got all the details for you below, along with my top 5 reasons to read this one!

About the Book

title: The Colliding Worlds of Mina Lee author: Ellen Oh publisher: Crown Books for Young Readers release date: 23 January 2024

When a Korean American teenage artist gets sucked into the world of her own web comic, she must find a way out with the help of a cute boy all while facing off against a villainous corporation. Inspired by the A-ha’s “Take on Me” music video, this entertaining YA novel is a grounded speculative fiction adventure from the co-founder of We Need Diverse Books. Mina has become the hero of her own story. Literally. When Mina Lee woke up on Saturday morning for SAT prep, she did NOT expect to: 1. Nearly be fried by a superhero who turned out to be a supervillain. 2. Come face to face with Jin, the handsome boy of her dreams. 3. Discover a conspiracy involving the evil corporation Merco that she created. And it’s all happening in her fictional world. Mina is trapped in the story she created. Now it’s up to her to save everyone. Even if it means losing Jin forever. From the award-winning author of Finding Junie Kim and co-founder of We Need Diverse Books, Ellen Oh. In the speculative fiction adventure Colliding Worlds, a teenage artist grapples with her first love, grief, and learning how to take charge of her own life.

Add to Goodreads: The Colliding Worlds of Mina Lee Purchase the Book: Amazon | B&N | Bookshop.org

About the Author

Ellen Oh is a former adjunct college instructor and lawyer with an insatiable curiosity for ancient Asian history. She loves K-pop, K-dramas, and eating good food that someone else cooks for her. She is fueled by Diet Coke and Krispy Kreme donuts are her kryptonite. Ellen is a founding member of We Need Diverse Books (WNDB), a non-profit organization dedicated to increasing diversity in children’s literature. Originally from New York City, Ellen lives in Rockville, Maryland, with her husband, three children, two dogs, and has yet to satisfy her quest for a decent bagel.

Connect with Ellen: Website | Twitter | Instagram | Goodreads

Top 5 Reasons to Read

Colliding Worlds is a delightful young adult contemporary + speculative fiction book. Mina suddenly finds herself the main character in her own webcomic, having been transported into that world. She has to save everyone from a conspiracy involving an evil corporation that she made up!

The story is a realistic examination of the power of grief and how everyone grieves in their own way, and how those ways of grieving may be damaging to others.

Colliding Worlds is also both a celebration of Korean culture and an examination of the ways in which it can sometimes be harmful (as is the case with any culture).

The discussions of food will have you salivating!

Most of all, I loved the strong female friendships and relationships found in this book. Whether it's her Auntie or her best friends in real life and new friends in the webcomic, it's girls and women who always have Mina's back, no matter what.

I hope you will pick this one up! I mean, it's inspired by A-ha's "Take On Me" music video, which was an absolute staple of my tween years! How cool is that? I highly recommend this one!

Rating: 4 stars!

**Thank you to Crown BFYR and Ellen Oh for the finished copy, and to TBR and Beyond for having me on tour.

Be sure to check out the bookstagram tour as well! You can find my post here, and the full schedule is here.

[emptylittlebug]

02/08/23

234.8

Lbs lost in Feb: 1.6

In: 290

Vitamins (10), water, Adderall, Wellbutrin, magnesium, water, bbq boneless wings (280), water

Out: 2606

Steps: 3106

Period is over!

I forgot my water bottle at home this morning 🤦‍♀️ Plastic bottles just aren’t the same.

This evening I’ll be building my son’s bunk bed. Hopefully that’ll burn some cals.

I was up wayyy too late last night making felt eyes for my stuffies. I’m so tired today.

I think I want to but my hair… right now it’s down past the middle of my back. I know I’ll regret it though. Hmm. Might lose a few ounces though… and it’ll look better/healthier obviously.

I really think I need to start exercising so I won’t have sooo much loose skin. I know I’ll have a bit, but maybe I can make it a little less? And I’d love to get my arm muscles back.. I’m thinking about a dance workout to start with? I have a few from my beachbody obsession days.. I’m actually thinking about signing up for that again tbh. Just for the workouts and shake if I’m being honest. Of course I’d stick to my current diet of “as little as possible” 🤷‍♀️ It would be sooo easy to get sucked back into that agin though. And it’s expensive. Buttt if I’m not spending that $ on food maybe I can make it work… hmm.

((POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING POST AHEAD))

I’ve been thinking a lot about how the “Ana trend” has changed so much since 2004-2009 until now. Yes, AFTER I became anorexic I found the world of Ana on Xanga a lifetime ago it feels like 😅. We never had any of that high restriction, metab days, or any of that. It was straight less than 1000cal/day, exercise off every single cal down to net 0 or in the negatives. If you had more than 1000 you were just “dieting”, not an eating disorder status…800-900 was high restriction and only allowed if you were in sports or something. 300-400 was status quo.

I know how bad that is and everything and I do NOT encourage it!! It severely messed up our short term memories and even though I recovered for 10ish years, my short term memory never came back like it should be. I’m glad it’s not the norm anymore so people aren’t hurting themselves as badly. I just think it’s strange how things change like this.

We were some very fucked mentally ill teenagers in the mid 2000s…

The hold those tabloids, VS models, MK, Nicole Richie, diet culture had on us… damn.

I just can’t bring myself to change my thinking about this 🤷‍♀️

My brain says “oh, you want to up your calorie limit… I knew you just wanted to diet and don’t ReAlLy have an ED. Your pain and reasons aren’t as strong as they should be. Poor little emo kid just wants to be trendy and lose weight.” UGH.

My logic knows that’s stupid, but brain beats logic unfortunately.

Anyway, enough rambling from me!

I hope you enjoy your day ✨

[random-thought-depository]

"But do you actually need to be told it is fine for you to not exercise while you you're recovering from COVID. Do you really need to be told that it is okay for you to not clean while you're like depressed. I don't actually think you need to be told these things."

I get the impression that, yeah, there are actually a lot of people who would benefit from being told those things, because they have been implicitly or explicitly told the opposite of those things.

I once ignored a painful toe infection that ended up leaving a big crater on my toe because I didn't want to inflict a doctor's bill for treating it on my family (this was before Obamacare) and I kind of vaguely didn't want to be a bother and I had a vague idea that it was tough and masculine to ignore pain. You can say that was basically a me problem, and in a sense it was, but that cultural programming didn't come from nowhere (and note that I was responding to a credible perception of a very concrete material incentive!). "I've got to do stuff that's unpleasant, painful, harmful, and/or dangerous to me because it's a minimum qualification for me to have and/or deserve affection, comfort, and/or safety" is something people are encouraged to think as part of shitty gender roles for both genders and something capitalism encourages everyone who isn't rich to think as a matter of both its explicit propaganda and the lessons implicit in its incentive structure. Oh, yeah, it's also how school teaches you to think both implicitly as lessons contained in its incentive structure and sometimes explicitly, and it's also what a lot of parents functionally teach their kids with varying degrees of deliberate intent. We live in a society where most people spend a giant chunk of the first 18 years of their lives in an institution that structurally teaches you that you need permission to pee and if you're in pain from a full bladder at a time that's inconvenient to an authority figure, well, sucks for you, suck it up and try to ignore it and concentrate on these make-work algebra exercises for the next half an hour or you will be shamed and punished.

Yeah, the best reaction to some relatively powerless stranger trying to socially pressure you to do stuff you don't want to via the internet is often to not even respond, but 1A) we do not live in a society very conducive to people developing the attitudes and social skills to do that, 1B) people react to some stranger implicitly or explicitly saying "I'm going to school you in my idea of right conduct real quick and you're a moral inferior if you don't obey me after I've finished doing that" as if it's a threat because a lot of the time it is a threat, 2) push-back against bad takes on what expectations should attend existing in society is an important part of making the world less conformist and less authoritarian.

The person in that video comes off as at best noticing a symptom of a social problem and prescribing an individualistic bootstraps solution to it and at worst just annoyed that a shitty political project she approves of is getting deserved push-back.

Imagine how feminists would react to somebody saying "most people eat a suboptimal diet, leftists should abandon their misguided embrace of stuff like intuitive eating and start going on diets, I realize some people may be harmed more than they are helped by going on a diet but I think diets would be helpful for most people so if going on a diet would be bad for you then you should just quietly not do that but offer zero public push-back against the promotion of the narrative that dieting is a thing more people should be doing." I think a lot of them would immediately diagnose that as a slimy attempt to promote diet culture while trying to manipulate diet culture's victims into not having solidarity with each other, and they'd be right. Well, "you should hit the gym" is basically to men what "you should lose weight" is to women, though I think so far "you gotta work out to be a real man" has gotten less buy-in from men than "you gotta be slim to be a desirable woman" has gotten from women because gender roles mostly get men through avenues other than telling them they have an obligation to make themselves physically beautiful and most men are smart enough to realize that "get swole so other men can't beat you up" is putting a lot of sweat and tears into mitigating what for most First World men is actually a pretty minor tail risk.

I mean, that's assuming the original discourse was "you should go to the gym because it'd be good for you" and not "leftists (really leftist men but shhh that's a quiet part) should go to the gym because they have a moral obligation to get swole so they'll be more effective paramilitary fighters." Demanding all objections to the latter be expressed as some quietist individualist "well, I just won't start pumping iron, no need to talk about the reasoning behind this choice" thing is even more blatantly trying to talk people into not defending themselves from a potential threat. If you're e.g. a man between ages 16-30 or so who has a disability that isn't particularly legible a temporarily embarrassed Red Army general with real political power would be a massive potential threat to you; you just have to open just about any history book that talks about a war to see the literally homicidal rage people like that often have toward young men who resist conscription while not having any very legible disabilities, temporarily embarrassed Red Army generals are exactly the sort of people who literally have young men shot for being insufficiently enthusiastic about being treated as disposable living weapons.

My reaction here might be influenced by suspecting the discourse that video is in reaction to is this.

a message I think a huge chunk of this website could benefit from