#oh damn you really went there!!
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so we all saw @dr2-hell's updated bunnymaeda design right. because i sure as hell did
#martzipan#nagito komaeda#GRRGRGRGRRGHHH I'M OBSESSED WITH THIS DESIGNNNNN . I LOVE IT SO MUCHHHH#wanted to do some pose practice. so i went to my beloved pinterest board#and . considering i have been thinking nonstop abt bunnymaeda today. he seemed to be the best subject#this outfit is GORGEOUS and beautifully designed to like every last detail. i am truly insane about it#that said. oh my GOD it takes so long to draw.... all those damn BELTS#worth it though it's so so so fucking pretty. i want those boots and gloves i am Jealous#still not over the zipper. guys the zipper goes. it goes ALL the way to the tail. do you know what that Means#it means something i can let you infer. it also means that i can both draw bulge and evoke pussy imagery <3#<- most vulgar tag i have put on an art post in a while. mutuals you didn't read that one#really sad i couldn't include his little clover earring bc i think it's so cute#unfortunately i draw the maeda with little hair tufts at his ears#anyways i love this design so much. i am going to. Eat Him <3
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looooove when you took a hit and you're breathing out smoke and the smoke jsut keeeps coming and you're like oh shit i ddin't know i took that big a hit.. i'm gonna be High.
#one of my bf's pens started not wroknig at first or at least i thought so#so i'd suck extra hard and ended up geting wayyy more stoned than usual off it#listen im not a weed officianado im sure there's right ways to do alll the things but consider this. it works whateverrr#wel not whatever. first like Month or two i didn't really get the INhaling bit so I was like "okay so this doesn't do much. maybe make you#Little sleepy#then i got#um#oh yeah figured it out and went Woah You Sinkk#damn these are a lot of tags#hart to hart talks#intox#intox kink#intox play#weed intox#intoxication kink#highposting#intox cnc
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I've been trying to make a post about the OMITB finale but I'm just. Overwhelmed. It was too good. I was in tears as soon as the episode started and I kept tearing up all the way through. I suppose it starts with finding your hero. I can't do it, Sazz. Oh, I can't do it by myself / That's why I'm here. Sazz was kind to everyone. He's gonna get you, my... number... one. You know, I appreciate this movie in a whole different way now; I mean, Sazz wrote this. It's just so, so special to have an amazing show like this that's centered on platonic bonds and the love between friends. I loved the wedding, of course, but the true relationship at the core of this show is the one between the trio, and the true relationship at the core of this season was the one between Charles and Sazz, and the way they went about it was everything to me.
I love you, OMITB. You're the most wonderful funky little comfort show ever. Never change.
#god. damn it.#HOW do they do it folks. how??? every season is better than the last this is genuinely such a gift of a show#sazz... oh my god sazz... she found her hero in charles... she wanted to write *his* story because she loved and admired him so much#IM GOING TO BE SICK (/pos)#and the complete *trust*. the way she just knew charles would solve her murder. i'll cry again oh my god i love this show so much#charles and oliver went UP ON A LEDGE A FUCKTON OF FEET IN THE AIR to save mabel OH MY GOD#i just. i just. i can't articulate just how much this show means to be this was so beautiful#i loved the wedding ofc!!! and im really sad to see loretta leave! but i hope we'll still manage to see her at least once next season#also im caling it now. the dame at the end is the murderer in s5#i know because i was instantly attracted to her. and that's how i knew who the killers were in s1 and s3#(do not ask me about the victim DO NOT ask me about the victim i am NOT ready to deal with it oh my GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!)#we're in for a spetacular s5 folks! and i already can't wait!#but in the meantime... AMAZING INCREDIBLE s4 im so grateful it was such a magical experience#everybody say thank you omitb!!!#omitb#omitb spoilers#omitb s4
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jay not asking coach about letting lonnie onto the team bc he doesn’t want to do anything coach might disagree with…….
#‘coach trusts me…’ like what if i cried#man i wish they made more of a thing of jay being TEAM CAPTAIN#<- i’ve made a post before abt how easily he gives it up & jay not liking positions of power etc etc#but i do think he treats the role like it could be taken away at any moment#coach TRUSTS him. holy shit coach trusts him#the first positive adult figure in his life trusts him to take care of the team#train them and critique them and lead them to victory#and coach probably wouldn’t have cared abt lonnie being on the team#but jay is sooooo hesitant to ask#coming from the ‘if you want it take it and if you can’t take it break it’ guy#like this is the one thing he doesn’t want to risk breaking…….#and then obviously he gives it up!!!!!#he gives up the thing coach TRUSTED HIM WITH bc it was the only way to let lonnie on the team#& mr ‘my only dislike is women being unhappy’ was like I CANNOT REST UNTIL LONNIE IS ON THE TEAM#it’s suchhhhh a sweet gesture not only from a hashtag feminism standpoint#but also character wise for jay#like this precious thing that coach has trusted him with but didn’t really want that much anyway…..#it’s going to mean more to lonnie if she had it. even though it means everything to jay#oh it makes me crazy#damn my mum was right. i think too deeply about things#im like i analyse things a normal amount and then i’m writing essays about 1 line from descendants 2#I AM UNWELL#anyway. jesus christ#descendants#jay son of jafar#EDIT i’m not finished actually#do you think jay fears the repercussions? what would happen if he went against coach’s word?#bc sure. he knows coach is nice. he knows auradon isn’t like the isle#but. ‘you don’t want to be at my house at dinner time’…….#he is still scared of his dad. you know. he can never get the lamp he can never do anything right
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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"Everything you went through was meaningless." [St Voyager S3 E7: 'Sacred Ground']
#Serving Jesus realness#star trek screenshots#Janeway#iconic that all the aliens are like 'damn....that's crazy....anyway-' about Janeway HEHEHE they're like snickering behind their hands#I would be too honestly if some outsider tried to speedrun my ancient spiritual rituals#Love the vibe of 'this could all be hazing' they're putting out. Also I keep seeing the face paint on the guide woman as like a mic#honestly this woman's fucking hilarious HEHEHE#Janeway: I'm dying. / Alien Guide: We all die someday :) <- lady who just told her to stick in her hand in a poison jar#AHAHAHA THEY REALLY DID HAZE HER...I love these guys they're so nahnahnahbooboo-core#also the refrain 'Everything you went through was meaningless' ..... thinking BIG thoughts about post-voyager voy crew back on earth#I really do earnestly love the gleeful contempt vibe...it just seems so right. In a funny way but also in a way that's deeply true#the feeling of trying to find answers while you universe laughs and says there are none - it's meaningless - but you're welcome to go ahead#and try. If you find God you have the feeling it would just stare at you blankly. Then laugh.#Chakotay: Captain I've been so worried about you! Have you found a solution? / Janeway: Absolutely. I'm going to walk into the death shrine#Chakotay: (internally hysterical) Oh of COURSE!!!! no of COURSE she's going to walk into the DEATH SHRINE!!!!#great imagery in this one <3 folks who love religious imagery (me) will get a kick outta this one <3#anyway I love when star trek does hopeful eps like this...makes me tear up like. Yeah there could be a scientific explanation but that#doesn't make it MORE true or MORE real than the religious one - it's just as valid to believe in the spirits#Also those three old creeps were lovely <3 scared me and I like that! existential dread!
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can't believe I ended up under a roof for both of my shows 🥲 rip eras tour fireworks I'm sure you were very pretty but I will never know
#i knew our liverpool ones were in a roofed part of the stadium but they were our nosebleed 'we have some budget left' ones#but for wembley i was expecting the true lower bowl experience and we got stuck under another damn roof 🥲#the actual view of the stage was decent enough and we were looking more straight on at it compared to just looking down#but the roof really ruins the vibe you kind of feel like you're watching through a window#and the HEAT there was just so little airflow#i couldn't believe when we went down the steps to leave how the moment you were out from the roof the whole atmosphere changed#suddenly you were fully immersed in the stadium and under the sky and there was a cool breeze 🥲🥲 oh well#i know i was lucky to get tickets at all!! just a shame when these were 2x the price of any other tickets I've ever bought#on the plus side being back row meant no one screaming in your ear behind you lol#talking#taylor swift
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i’m home !!
procedure went real well, everything was really smooth and almost as soon as they said, “you can count backwards if you want,” i don’t think i even said ten before i was suddenly in recovery and sipping some ginger ale.
honestly the worst part was the iv because they had to do it on the side of my wrist because apparently my veins are crooked ?? i just hate ivs anyway so that’s no surprise but other than that no complaints.
everyone was real nice and made sure i was well taken care of (my nurse even had me pee one more time before so she wouldn’t have to do a catheter which with my history…..thank you)
but yeah, i’ll have a follow up in about a month just to make sure everything’s good and the iud is doing its thing !!
i do have some cramping and bleeding but that’s normal, although a little funny because i literally just stopped my period yesterday but…oh well !! hopefully in a few months i won’t have hardly any so this we can handle and i hace some medicine (and my ~medicine) that’ll help so i’m all set.
mom had to go run some errands so my little recovery buddy is keeping me company. also, a moment of recognition for my new favorite shirt (thank you as always, Boss Dog Art; i’ve already got my eye on another one that says, “i think therefore i am against transphobia around the world” or something like that and it’s got a cool skeleton on it; this is my third shirt from them and they’re really comfy and good quality so not sponsored but check them out, they seem cool):
#It’s been a rough week leading up to this i’m not gonna lie#one of my neighbors was shooting on Sunday when i was in the pool#which i’m used to at this point#but for some reason i got triggered into a panic attack#and could not catch my breath#could not calm down for several minutes just scream crying#had to dunk my head underwater a few times and splash myself in the face#eventually i just buried my face in my towel and screamed cried until i physically had to stop#because i thought i was about to have a heart attack#so that wasn’t so chill#spent the rest of the day shaking#guess you just never know when it’s gonna hit!!#another plane has hit the ptsd towers#sorry#not for nothing though but the shooting stopped so there’s that#they probably thought someone had a fuckin’ ari aster movie turned up over here#nope just a mentally unstable bitch doing her best which clearly isn’t great but what can ya do!!#it was kinda funny though because i’ve been hesitant to go back out there since#but finally yesterday i had even worked longer the day before so i could really enjoy it#it had been sunny all day#no signs of rain#i’m ready to get some exercise in because i knew it might be a while#before i can again so i was really looking forward to a nice 30 minute run#damned if it didn’t start raining as soon as i got out there#and that was fine#i still ran a little got my water weights in#but the kicker was i looked at the weather on my phone and it looked like it was going to keep raining#so i said okay let me just go take a shower and settle in for the night#it didn’t rain and the sun came back out so oh well!#but point is…today went well and i’m doing okay and things could always be worse so no worries <3
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ok well we know that jesus can emit pure light as he did when he was in his tomb + i assume the light is holiness or joy or purity (considering his spirit was in heaven but his body had died in sin) (considering his body was holy but his spirit was drowning in unquenchable fire).. thinking about the version of jesus i made up in my head who's way cooler and more transgender and i think he would emit sparks and a glowing electric light if you fucked him and i think it would inspire an unfathomably intense lust
#text#this is NOT me taking a stance on whether jesus went to heaven or hell when he died#i didnt know there was discourse about this til i googled to double check i thought it was a given that he went to hell ??#i was CERTAIN it was hell because what else would the damn point of the crucifixion be#gotquestions dot org is trying to say Ofc he didnt go to hell hes too special and ur just reading the verse wrong#which like. ok but THE POINT OF HIS DEATH WAS TO WASH EVERYONES SIN AWAY AND PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE#WHICH IS *DEATH* WHICH LEADS TO *GOING TO HELL* IF YOU'RE NOT SAVED. WHICH HE WASNT! BECAUSE *HE WAS THE SACRIFICE*#THATS THE WHOLE POINT!!! HE WAS DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE. HE WENT TO HELL. HE CAME BACK.#um. i rescind my previous statement about not taking a stance i think i have actually#But if u have like solid proof that isnt 1 peter 3:18-20 pls lmk i havent read the bible in years#OH YEAH DISCLAIMER: i am not xtian . just insane . i was raised as one so i know a lot of lore#but i have memory problems so i forgot a lot of lore#yay!#nsft#SORRY i have like brain problems that lead to me saying these things#likethere is genuinely something reallywrong with me i think But that's not really important read my funny posts boy#would you suck jesus's strap. it is glowing with holy light btw#sorry again#I would.#sorr y a third time#tboy jesus tag
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#chattin#nothing bad or spicy i just feel like peep peeping rn#📢🐀!#but there is talk of panic attacks and Bad Stims up ahead (not related to me dw) ->#i was thinking of autistic peppino bc i am planning out the vigilante comic in my head#and like the quick premise is that vigilante comes into the pizzeria and shoots a blank into the ceiling to get everyone to shut up#and quiet down so he can go ask for (demand really) to see peppino bc this fuckerhas a bounty FOR A REASON and hes here to find out why#bc u know; cowboy yeehaw shenanigans#only its like 5am and no one is there jdkdndjdndk he just saw the lights one and went BANGBANG#anyway peppino is in the back cowering bc someone came into his fucking shop and started shooting UNPROMPTED#and hes so fucking scared and unwilling to move and when he sees someone actually come through the back door he starts having a legitimate-#-panic attack and he starts doing the stimmy hands thing over his ducked head#and vigilante is like whoa whoa WHOA WHOA HOL UP WHATS HAPPENIN#like i dont think peppino has ‘happy stims’ he has ‘extremely self soothing’ stims#that include flapping but only if hes so unbelievably stressed that he cant think#or he has more violent ones like pulling at his hair and biting his hands#that on top of like a genuine panic attack where he cant breathe and he thinks his heart is stopping is 😵💫#vigilante is like christ almighty what the fucks got you so damned spooked?? like he doesnt even think of the blank he shot#he assumed someone came in before him or something#and hes like oh shit wait thats mE I DID THAT I SCARED HIM#i am still planning it out but yes. autistic peppino is on my mind 😊#in a more positive light hes very earnest; and good at his job bc cooking in an interest of his#and his responses in social situations are bizarre enough sometimes to wrap back around to endearing#also its an excuse to draw peppino looking very confused but happy and gustavo somewhere in the shot going-#‘the bad bitch i pulled in by being autistic’#swag#ALSO THE TAG IS BACK so i guess i can doodle again heehee
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mum wasn't much into DS9, she didnt like it when it was airing, and only really started to get into it in the later years of her life. she loved quark. but still, i'm glad she got to see "dr. bashir i presume?" before she died
and she loved it
#mum's also autistic by the way#so yeah hit us both#and me finally getting around to watching it after 2 years of putting it off#well i watched it with mum. i remember that day clearly it a couple years ago i think. we had cucumbers and chips#we were watching trek on netflix back when we had that#and i remember being all chirpy like ''oh today i feel like watching DS9 theres an ep i wanna check out''#i said it all casual as if it isnt fucking heartbreaking#so that got mum curious. at first she was like oh an episode about that guy you like. of course#so she figured That was the reason. well it helps#and yeah. as the ep went on... it did its thing. and of course she got it. we're both autistic AND autism activists#she knew damn well about the concepts touched upon#i remember feeling her get more engaged with the story and being like ''whoa this is REALLY good''#also yeah she picked up on the fact that i knew ahead of time what its about#also also she appreciated robert picardo being there. being also a huge fan of voyager#legit the only snag during the ep was during the montage of everybody being asked stuff about julian#she was like ''wait whos julian??'' and i had to remind her and then after that she was fine jfdskjhfds
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For the plot bunny ask game: Gemma Chan (Mr. Malcolm's List) + Bridgerton + Lord Michaela Stirling love interest, please??
@dancingsunflowers-ocs 💖
name: lady susannah marie baxter, daughter of the marquess of birks
age: 30
sexuality: bisexual
job: lady
love interest: michaela stirling
brief summary: when lady susannah baxter first met lady michaela stirling in 1820, they were both reeling from tragedies. for michaela, it was threefold. her cousin, john, had just died suddenly. john’s wife, francesca, suffered a miscarriage and fled to scotland. her twin brother, michael, had fled to the army. for susannah, it was twofold. her father died in a duel over an actress and her family was left to financial ruin. the two women found comfort in their friendship of mourning. for four years, susannah and michaela lived next door to each other, each edging further and further away from the marriage mart. not that either of them cared. neither susannah nor michaela were interested in marriage, or at least not the business transaction between men. but when michaela’s brother returns and begins to court francesca, susannah and michaela must confront deep feelings — for each other, for family, for life,
5 adjectives to describe them: resourceful, stubborn, intelligent, creative, friendly
faceclaim: gemma chan
send me a fandom and i’ll create a plot bunny for it
#oc: susannah baxter#bridgerton oc#oc plot bunnies#my aesthetic#okay so i’m not sure i did it well but their dynamic is the whole “oh shit i’ve been in love with you this whole damn time”#and again bridgerton book spoilers because for all their flaws i do really enjoy the love stories in the books#and honestly i’m really loving this vibe#also still using the books’ timeline#where colin francesca & eloise’s stories all take place fairly simultaneously#it should be noted that i keep saying the name as mick-a-luh which i know isn’t right but can’t help it!#also i didn’t feel comfortable choosing a surname from her culture so i went with baxter instead
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VUXisms (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#Or if you prefer my very Normal Collection of ZEX stimming lol#I'm not choosing to read alien behaviours through a neurodivergent lense you can't prove anything#Okay you got me yes I am lol - in conjunction with my ADHD Max HC (which I am only more convinced of lol) I went into this with#Really any kind of self-soothing behaviour fascinates me :D And ZEX definitely needs the soothing ;;#But it's not just the stimming! Though I did keep pretty diligent notes about that lol he's deeply interesting to me!#He's a texture person! Part of that is due to being VUX and having very processed food but if it fits it fits!#I'm also a texture person - again I have too many notes relating to ZEX lol#I also find it charming (or sad - whichever is applicable at the time!) when ZEX eats in ''odd'' ways haha ♪#Eating without utensils - you can always just wash your hands you do you <3#The weighted blanket lol so - I had a very normal and measured reaction to ZEX enjoying full-body pressure lol#Solely and purely intellectual! Of course! VUX enjoy swimming! Full-body pressure makes complete sense!#And he's a tactile person on top of that - pressure good for multiple reasons! I really do think he'd sleep better with a weighted blanket ♪#Back to stimming! I really loved the scene of him opening the water bottle and his therapist being So Impatient with him about it lol#Let him figure it out! He's very intelligent! Very skilled at finding weak points and exploiting them hehe <3#But then he runs his finger on the lip of the bottle! Wine-glassing it while he talks hehe <3 I love him#Humming!! Another stim I relate to! Not so much now since it was ''encouraged'' out of me so I may be doubly biased towards him using it hee#Too delighted to focus on utensil lessons and yet he's still clever enough to pay attention to multiple things at once hehehe ♫#And then aside from his actual biggest stim he plays with his hair quite a lot - in various ways and to different ends :D#Running his hands through it to self-soothe or tugging on it to express - I kinda read it as him trying to move his head feelers around haha#Not quite the same but something!#Oh and then his biggest stim - just looking at humans lol it is very dopamine-delivering <3 And he has dopamine now! Very powerful :3c#Hhhhh human chemistry for VUX behaviours <3 It's so interesting to me hehe ♪
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AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH WE GOT ARCANEEEEEEEEEE
#MY GOOOOOD JAYCE MAKING VIKTOR?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?! AND OG COURSE CAITS MOM OOOOOF#cant believe were getting angsty caitvi breakup music video second thing in the show aldjaksk they got PRIORITIES#CAIT AND MEL WHEN TWO QUEENS JOIN THEIR POWER TO MAXIMIZE THEIR JOINT SLAY#vi just at caits house all this time.... like probably a week at most but akdhsksnsl#cait hasnt shed a single tear its going down down#oh wow......... yes she didnt think but whats worse is that vi will end up accepting WHYYY#vi will change the enforcers from the inside.....no fucking way qkdhaksjska#YEEEEEEEEESSSS CAITLYYYYYYNNNNNNN#VIIIIIIIIIIIIII#did ambessa really orchestrate the attack with the underground??? no fucking way but that would make so much sense#damn what did caitlyn see in that computer bc she switched up quick!!! and vi too!!! she went from call off the attack to ill join them#well of course the attack changed theit minds but vi still said to call off the ttack after that....#ALSO vi wiping off caits tears.... caitlyn just crying on her chest like throwing herself on her.... no kiss even yet.... but i like this#i love the tension..... the courting you would call it#what will viktor think when he comes back wrong (FOR SURE) because of jayce when he was soooo accepting of his death... kind of#like he knew he was gonna die and he did what he could with the hextech but i think it was not out of desperation#it was just ambition bc thats what he can do... jayce became councilor bc of ambition and viktor kinda saved his own life#talking tag#watching arcane#watching arcane season 2#everybody going thru it in the intro credits and ekko just doing flips akdhaksnsla#jayce hiding from the spotlight.... NOW??? Also viktor is givning diavolo vibes in the jojo 5 intro too aldjaksjksnsl slay#sevika defending jinx.... never thought i would see the day#they did NOT orchestrate the attack look at this mess#OF COURSE SKY IS IN THE HEXTECH!!!! OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH THE VOICES VIKTOR!!! LISTEN TO THEM!!!#jayce promised to destroy it omggg of course....... the confession......#it was affection that held us together..... what are we..... christ why is he so serene and logical.... the hexcore yeah#viktor will bring a class war the likes weve never seen#jinx has claggors googles.... which vi has after the timeskip.....#they are here..... and that arm is gonna cost sevika dlahdksns viktor savior of the underground... i used to pray for times like these....
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I just need you to know I was reading your tags on the Sillinger/Fantilli Deadpool/Wolverine gifset going "YES THE EYE CONTACT! AND COLE'S WHOLE FACE JOURNEY! AND *OH MY GOD* ADAM'S HAND ALMOST BUT NOT GRIPPING AT COLE'S BICEP" like that near grip Adam took had me fainting like a fucking Victorian era man who saw a woman's bare ankles like W.H.A.T.
I neeeeed to write them omg.
ANON. ANON!!!! please. write them!!!!! and send me a link if/when you do 😇 i’ll prepare my fainting couch (the floor)
#shout out to the columbus blues org for last year deciding they were going to pair up adam and cole for all their nhl (???) playoff media#we really. i still have the world’s worst powerpoint presented by adam and cole in my drafts somewhere and i can’t post it#bc i wanted to make a fake PowerPoint to put on the screen as a joke & it was funny but i didn’t write it down before I went to bed so :/#liv in the replies#also like. what was up w/that nhl?? why them 😭 not complaining just so confused. adam hype wasn’t at its peak NOR was tate mcrae revenge#so they really were like. Hmmm. I like these two little freaks. this one is well-trained. let’s use him#like do you ever think about the blessing that the UMich social girlies bestow on nhl media teams by training all of these men so well.#they do not skip a SINGLE question they will be bullied into it they will give you an answer even if it’s stupid god bless.#adam fantilli#cole sillinger#columbus blue jackets#i REFUSE to admit defeat at the hands of the umich boys#worm. worm. WORM!!!#as we all know i don’t have the slightest idea who cole sillinger is irl but i DO want him to be involved with his teammates.#love thy goalie love thy stunning star prospect… OHHHHH NARRATIVE UNLOCKED OH NOOOOO COLE KNOWS HE’S NOT THAT GOOD SO HE TAKES CARE OF#EVERYONE ELSEEEEEE OH NOOOOOO this message brought to you a) by my elvis merzlikins agenda at all time so that whole sentence but b) by me#mid-realization trying to be like Cole’s not like. bad right you can’t say this but then remembering everyone pulling out his stats to do#him dirty while the whole tate mcrae breakup/release of details was going down and i was like oh actually. like he could be. ALSO on that#note which was so messy i do have to say that news was a shock bc i knew cole sillinger from years prior when everyone held him up like a#bug they pulled from under a rock like who is THIS after he sat front row at fashion week to support his gf so. the threads of this ALSO#come from the initial vision of ‘damn isn’t this a nice one?? a nice hockey??? like lmfaoooo you guys he’s the wag and loves it’) but. this#is also my failing as a storyteller that I love this and will put it in everything but. service kink accommodating for others to give what#he thinks he can’t to allow them to be better. also just. i watched him clean adam fantilli’s floors you can’t go up from that. ANYWAY
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my psychiatrist was trying to explain that a lot of my depression and anxiety probably stems from my trying to force myself into a (neurotypical/allistic) mold that i wasn't made for and that it's nothing to be ashamed of and she listed elon musk and bill gates as my fellow autists and that made me cry harder
#mia.txt#i wasnt like crying bc i was diagnosed with ASD it was more just crying cause i cry all the time now and it was a cathartic session#oh i forgot to mention it but god i cant even describe the weird feeling of being told im actually autistic (UNPROMPTED)#after like. wondering for so many years but being too scared to bring it up to any psychiatrist#so i was just like well maybe i am or maybe i just have adhd. thats ok im not too worried about it :)#and then i was just like talking about my sensory issues being exacerbated by my meds#and then she started asking me more questions abt my sensory issues and social problems and then she pointed out that i#had been rocking back and forth the entire time. which i genuinely dont even notice anymore like i was like oh shit i sure am doing that#and she basically went through the whole questionnaire and was like has no one really ever brought up the possibility that you were#on the spectrum. because you definitely are#and i was like 🤷🏻♀️ idk! im not sure#but it was probably pretty damning that the one other time i had gotten tested he literally gave up bc the questions were too vague#oh but anyway like no that doesnt help actually 😔#i really don't think its shame-based like i KNOW im Different(TM) thats not shocking to me#but i do expend an insane amount of mental and emotional energy trying to be Normal and pretend i am not autistic#the masking that is causing me so much stress is the very thing that prevented me from being diagnosed earlier lmfaooo
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