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so we all saw @dr2-hell's updated bunnymaeda design right. because i sure as hell did
#martzipan#nagito komaeda#GRRGRGRGRRGHHH I'M OBSESSED WITH THIS DESIGNNNNN . I LOVE IT SO MUCHHHH#wanted to do some pose practice. so i went to my beloved pinterest board#and . considering i have been thinking nonstop abt bunnymaeda today. he seemed to be the best subject#this outfit is GORGEOUS and beautifully designed to like every last detail. i am truly insane about it#that said. oh my GOD it takes so long to draw.... all those damn BELTS#worth it though it's so so so fucking pretty. i want those boots and gloves i am Jealous#still not over the zipper. guys the zipper goes. it goes ALL the way to the tail. do you know what that Means#it means something i can let you infer. it also means that i can both draw bulge and evoke pussy imagery <3#<- most vulgar tag i have put on an art post in a while. mutuals you didn't read that one#really sad i couldn't include his little clover earring bc i think it's so cute#unfortunately i draw the maeda with little hair tufts at his ears#anyways i love this design so much. i am going to. Eat Him <3
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Had to explain to a friend today that No Really I Swear Magneto And Professor X Are Friends And Like Each Other Thats Canon And Real
#snap chats#i forget thats not common knowledge fkPWSJAKA#the domino effect of this convo was so funny tho#i made a joke about if i had 3k i could buy two marvel statues#and so my friend kayla went to go look at magneto ones and then she stumbles upon shirtless pics of him#and amongst that collage theres pics of him and rogue which Of Course prompts the question ‘snap what the fuck is this’#and As Neutrally As I Could i explained what thats about and. The Cacophony Of Disdain LIKE I SWEAR I WAS A NEUTRAL PARTY EODSKSKSK#dont even get me started when i explained the Charles Jr. lore to them dkaPSSKSK def played a part in me beginnin to explain The Cherik Lore#BUT YEAH so after that funny bit i was talking about how 97 repopularized the pairing and my other friend was like#‘wait magneto lives at the x mansion now… him and rogue already seems ooc but…’#so THEN i got into the lore of cherik and he was like Oh Shit I Really Missed A Lot#LIKE GIRL IF I KNEW ID BE ASKED ABOUT THE DEPTH OF CHARLES AND ERIK’S ‘’’’FRIENDSHIP’’’’ TODAY I WOULDVE PREPARED A SLIDESHOW#i tried to be as In A Nutshell about it as i could but Man…. so fuckin funny 😭😭😭😭#bombshell after bombshell i was in stitches really but also getting to explain magneto/prof x lore to friends.. awesome…#he was like ‘damn i missed a lot i gotta catch up..’ understatement of the century girl i had never locked in for a convo so hard before#on that note we mentioned rivals and kayla was like ‘hey did you know hes a LORD MAGNETO now’#and her boyfriend be like ‘oh shit really- wair why am i surprised no duh’ LIKE ???? EXCUSE ME. ACCURATE BUT STILLEKDKSKS#and he was like ‘so do you play anyone else’ and when i said wanda and adam he was like ‘oh wanda makes sense- magneto’s daughter and all’#LIKE OK WE GET IT I LIKE MAGNETO !!!!! FUCK !!!!! I LIKE WANDA TOO DAMN#and then ofc he mentioned the rivals rumors about charles…. Loud Sigh… i hope he gets added one day…#ANYWAY!!! my laptop inexplicably shut down todya and wont turn back on !!! fucking uh oh !!!!#esp cause i wanted to launch my comms again today but my comm files are on my computer….#i hope it sorts itself out tomorrow luckily i dont need my laptop for the rest of the day but still…#this happened to me months ago so im praying and hoping i dont have to get it fixed or god forbid replaced#i fr have no clue why it couldve shut down… all them damn tabs open tbh…. anyways!!! heres to hoping 😭😭
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does anyone want to start a really horrible band with me
#been listening to/reading a lot about various 90s pop/rock bands at the moment. god. we used to have a proper music scene#anyway what i would bring to the table is: 1. guitar (terrible) 2. keys (was aggressively mediocre for many years of childhood piano#lessons until quitting twelve years ago. so also terrible) 3. vocals (actually i’m pretty good at this) 4. extremely strong desire to learn#the bass. willing to invest a fair amount of time and money. no experience whatsoever at the moment#OH and 5. scattershot chorus melodies/basslines that i don’t think would be half bad actually if we gave them. you know. some lyrics.#maybe a verse or two. et cetera#mutuals if you think our skill sets may be compatible please dm#this post is obviously mostly a joke but seriously i DO THINK young people need to start making bad music together again. like really#basically everything went downhill for music when the internet showed up. it’s cause we’re always on our damn phones. et cetera#caseyposting
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jay not asking coach about letting lonnie onto the team bc he doesn’t want to do anything coach might disagree with…….
#‘coach trusts me…’ like what if i cried#man i wish they made more of a thing of jay being TEAM CAPTAIN#<- i’ve made a post before abt how easily he gives it up & jay not liking positions of power etc etc#but i do think he treats the role like it could be taken away at any moment#coach TRUSTS him. holy shit coach trusts him#the first positive adult figure in his life trusts him to take care of the team#train them and critique them and lead them to victory#and coach probably wouldn’t have cared abt lonnie being on the team#but jay is sooooo hesitant to ask#coming from the ‘if you want it take it and if you can’t take it break it’ guy#like this is the one thing he doesn’t want to risk breaking…….#and then obviously he gives it up!!!!!#he gives up the thing coach TRUSTED HIM WITH bc it was the only way to let lonnie on the team#& mr ‘my only dislike is women being unhappy’ was like I CANNOT REST UNTIL LONNIE IS ON THE TEAM#it’s suchhhhh a sweet gesture not only from a hashtag feminism standpoint#but also character wise for jay#like this precious thing that coach has trusted him with but didn’t really want that much anyway…..#it’s going to mean more to lonnie if she had it. even though it means everything to jay#oh it makes me crazy#damn my mum was right. i think too deeply about things#im like i analyse things a normal amount and then i’m writing essays about 1 line from descendants 2#I AM UNWELL#anyway. jesus christ#descendants#jay son of jafar#EDIT i’m not finished actually#do you think jay fears the repercussions? what would happen if he went against coach’s word?#bc sure. he knows coach is nice. he knows auradon isn’t like the isle#but. ‘you don’t want to be at my house at dinner time’…….#he is still scared of his dad. you know. he can never get the lamp he can never do anything right
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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"Everything you went through was meaningless." [St Voyager S3 E7: 'Sacred Ground']
#Serving Jesus realness#star trek screenshots#Janeway#iconic that all the aliens are like 'damn....that's crazy....anyway-' about Janeway HEHEHE they're like snickering behind their hands#I would be too honestly if some outsider tried to speedrun my ancient spiritual rituals#Love the vibe of 'this could all be hazing' they're putting out. Also I keep seeing the face paint on the guide woman as like a mic#honestly this woman's fucking hilarious HEHEHE#Janeway: I'm dying. / Alien Guide: We all die someday :) <- lady who just told her to stick in her hand in a poison jar#AHAHAHA THEY REALLY DID HAZE HER...I love these guys they're so nahnahnahbooboo-core#also the refrain 'Everything you went through was meaningless' ..... thinking BIG thoughts about post-voyager voy crew back on earth#I really do earnestly love the gleeful contempt vibe...it just seems so right. In a funny way but also in a way that's deeply true#the feeling of trying to find answers while you universe laughs and says there are none - it's meaningless - but you're welcome to go ahead#and try. If you find God you have the feeling it would just stare at you blankly. Then laugh.#Chakotay: Captain I've been so worried about you! Have you found a solution? / Janeway: Absolutely. I'm going to walk into the death shrine#Chakotay: (internally hysterical) Oh of COURSE!!!! no of COURSE she's going to walk into the DEATH SHRINE!!!!#great imagery in this one <3 folks who love religious imagery (me) will get a kick outta this one <3#anyway I love when star trek does hopeful eps like this...makes me tear up like. Yeah there could be a scientific explanation but that#doesn't make it MORE true or MORE real than the religious one - it's just as valid to believe in the spirits#Also those three old creeps were lovely <3 scared me and I like that! existential dread!
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can't believe I ended up under a roof for both of my shows 🥲 rip eras tour fireworks I'm sure you were very pretty but I will never know
#i knew our liverpool ones were in a roofed part of the stadium but they were our nosebleed 'we have some budget left' ones#but for wembley i was expecting the true lower bowl experience and we got stuck under another damn roof ���#the actual view of the stage was decent enough and we were looking more straight on at it compared to just looking down#but the roof really ruins the vibe you kind of feel like you're watching through a window#and the HEAT there was just so little airflow#i couldn't believe when we went down the steps to leave how the moment you were out from the roof the whole atmosphere changed#suddenly you were fully immersed in the stadium and under the sky and there was a cool breeze 🥲🥲 oh well#i know i was lucky to get tickets at all!! just a shame when these were 2x the price of any other tickets I've ever bought#on the plus side being back row meant no one screaming in your ear behind you lol#talking#taylor swift
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i’m home !!
procedure went real well, everything was really smooth and almost as soon as they said, “you can count backwards if you want,” i don’t think i even said ten before i was suddenly in recovery and sipping some ginger ale.
honestly the worst part was the iv because they had to do it on the side of my wrist because apparently my veins are crooked ?? i just hate ivs anyway so that’s no surprise but other than that no complaints.
everyone was real nice and made sure i was well taken care of (my nurse even had me pee one more time before so she wouldn’t have to do a catheter which with my history…..thank you)
but yeah, i’ll have a follow up in about a month just to make sure everything’s good and the iud is doing its thing !!
i do have some cramping and bleeding but that’s normal, although a little funny because i literally just stopped my period yesterday but…oh well !! hopefully in a few months i won’t have hardly any so this we can handle and i hace some medicine (and my ~medicine) that’ll help so i’m all set.
mom had to go run some errands so my little recovery buddy is keeping me company. also, a moment of recognition for my new favorite shirt (thank you as always, Boss Dog Art; i’ve already got my eye on another one that says, “i think therefore i am against transphobia around the world” or something like that and it’s got a cool skeleton on it; this is my third shirt from them and they’re really comfy and good quality so not sponsored but check them out, they seem cool):
#It’s been a rough week leading up to this i’m not gonna lie#one of my neighbors was shooting on Sunday when i was in the pool#which i’m used to at this point#but for some reason i got triggered into a panic attack#and could not catch my breath#could not calm down for several minutes just scream crying#had to dunk my head underwater a few times and splash myself in the face#eventually i just buried my face in my towel and screamed cried until i physically had to stop#because i thought i was about to have a heart attack#so that wasn’t so chill#spent the rest of the day shaking#guess you just never know when it’s gonna hit!!#another plane has hit the ptsd towers#sorry#not for nothing though but the shooting stopped so there’s that#they probably thought someone had a fuckin’ ari aster movie turned up over here#nope just a mentally unstable bitch doing her best which clearly isn’t great but what can ya do!!#it was kinda funny though because i’ve been hesitant to go back out there since#but finally yesterday i had even worked longer the day before so i could really enjoy it#it had been sunny all day#no signs of rain#i’m ready to get some exercise in because i knew it might be a while#before i can again so i was really looking forward to a nice 30 minute run#damned if it didn’t start raining as soon as i got out there#and that was fine#i still ran a little got my water weights in#but the kicker was i looked at the weather on my phone and it looked like it was going to keep raining#so i said okay let me just go take a shower and settle in for the night#it didn’t rain and the sun came back out so oh well!#but point is…today went well and i’m doing okay and things could always be worse so no worries <3
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ok well we know that jesus can emit pure light as he did when he was in his tomb + i assume the light is holiness or joy or purity (considering his spirit was in heaven but his body had died in sin) (considering his body was holy but his spirit was drowning in unquenchable fire).. thinking about the version of jesus i made up in my head who's way cooler and more transgender and i think he would emit sparks and a glowing electric light if you fucked him and i think it would inspire an unfathomably intense lust
#text#this is NOT me taking a stance on whether jesus went to heaven or hell when he died#i didnt know there was discourse about this til i googled to double check i thought it was a given that he went to hell ??#i was CERTAIN it was hell because what else would the damn point of the crucifixion be#gotquestions dot org is trying to say Ofc he didnt go to hell hes too special and ur just reading the verse wrong#which like. ok but THE POINT OF HIS DEATH WAS TO WASH EVERYONES SIN AWAY AND PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE#WHICH IS *DEATH* WHICH LEADS TO *GOING TO HELL* IF YOU'RE NOT SAVED. WHICH HE WASNT! BECAUSE *HE WAS THE SACRIFICE*#THATS THE WHOLE POINT!!! HE WAS DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE. HE WENT TO HELL. HE CAME BACK.#um. i rescind my previous statement about not taking a stance i think i have actually#But if u have like solid proof that isnt 1 peter 3:18-20 pls lmk i havent read the bible in years#OH YEAH DISCLAIMER: i am not xtian . just insane . i was raised as one so i know a lot of lore#but i have memory problems so i forgot a lot of lore#yay!#nsft#SORRY i have like brain problems that lead to me saying these things#likethere is genuinely something reallywrong with me i think But that's not really important read my funny posts boy#would you suck jesus's strap. it is glowing with holy light btw#sorry again#I would.#sorr y a third time#tboy jesus tag
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#chattin#nothing bad or spicy i just feel like peep peeping rn#📢🐀!#but there is talk of panic attacks and Bad Stims up ahead (not related to me dw) ->#i was thinking of autistic peppino bc i am planning out the vigilante comic in my head#and like the quick premise is that vigilante comes into the pizzeria and shoots a blank into the ceiling to get everyone to shut up#and quiet down so he can go ask for (demand really) to see peppino bc this fuckerhas a bounty FOR A REASON and hes here to find out why#bc u know; cowboy yeehaw shenanigans#only its like 5am and no one is there jdkdndjdndk he just saw the lights one and went BANGBANG#anyway peppino is in the back cowering bc someone came into his fucking shop and started shooting UNPROMPTED#and hes so fucking scared and unwilling to move and when he sees someone actually come through the back door he starts having a legitimate-#-panic attack and he starts doing the stimmy hands thing over his ducked head#and vigilante is like whoa whoa WHOA WHOA HOL UP WHATS HAPPENIN#like i dont think peppino has ‘happy stims’ he has ‘extremely self soothing’ stims#that include flapping but only if hes so unbelievably stressed that he cant think#or he has more violent ones like pulling at his hair and biting his hands#that on top of like a genuine panic attack where he cant breathe and he thinks his heart is stopping is 😵💫#vigilante is like christ almighty what the fucks got you so damned spooked?? like he doesnt even think of the blank he shot#he assumed someone came in before him or something#and hes like oh shit wait thats mE I DID THAT I SCARED HIM#i am still planning it out but yes. autistic peppino is on my mind 😊#in a more positive light hes very earnest; and good at his job bc cooking in an interest of his#and his responses in social situations are bizarre enough sometimes to wrap back around to endearing#also its an excuse to draw peppino looking very confused but happy and gustavo somewhere in the shot going-#‘the bad bitch i pulled in by being autistic’#swag#ALSO THE TAG IS BACK so i guess i can doodle again heehee
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This is what i mean by Killua and Gon's stubbornness being the same level of willpower, stemming from different desires-- Gon is scarily goal-oriented. He doesn't care what happens to him, so long as he comes out of it the victor in his own head.
The cost doesn't matter, so long as it doesn't conflict with/cancel out his result.
That's terrifying.
#he's so fucking scary jskdahbjvdbska#gon is the sweetest ever and hes a genuienly good kid. gons not a damn monster#but hes scary as hell. hes alien in the way he processes and acts upon desire#there is such a sheer and utter disregard for himself. inturn this becomes disregard upon others#and i all stems from the subtle self hatred of abandonment HAHAHHA#this kids been suicidal his entire fucking life and no one helped him until it was too late#every adult looked at him and went oh thats a ticking time bomb in the shape of a child. anyway--#after CAA i really appreciate every bit of gon foreshadowing i get. his character is fascinating#depths' watches#hxh#hxh 1999#ajskdhbbdsa heavens arena arc is a bunch of fun fights and endorphins#to distract you from: killua is a child abuse victim and gon is passively suicidal
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mum wasn't much into DS9, she didnt like it when it was airing, and only really started to get into it in the later years of her life. she loved quark. but still, i'm glad she got to see "dr. bashir i presume?" before she died
and she loved it
#mum's also autistic by the way#so yeah hit us both#and me finally getting around to watching it after 2 years of putting it off#well i watched it with mum. i remember that day clearly it a couple years ago i think. we had cucumbers and chips#we were watching trek on netflix back when we had that#and i remember being all chirpy like ''oh today i feel like watching DS9 theres an ep i wanna check out''#i said it all casual as if it isnt fucking heartbreaking#so that got mum curious. at first she was like oh an episode about that guy you like. of course#so she figured That was the reason. well it helps#and yeah. as the ep went on... it did its thing. and of course she got it. we're both autistic AND autism activists#she knew damn well about the concepts touched upon#i remember feeling her get more engaged with the story and being like ''whoa this is REALLY good''#also yeah she picked up on the fact that i knew ahead of time what its about#also also she appreciated robert picardo being there. being also a huge fan of voyager#legit the only snag during the ep was during the montage of everybody being asked stuff about julian#she was like ''wait whos julian??'' and i had to remind her and then after that she was fine jfdskjhfds
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#horrible leg cramps have calmed a bit but are continuing along with thumpy heartrate increase#and my magnesium supplement is out of date and i'm not trying to go out after more#look up leg cramps just to see if there's helpful advice#let's see continuing leg cramps causes: diabetes ✔️ okay. thyroid issues ✔️ vitamin deficiencies yeah ik. severe anemia too ✔️#this does not narrow it down at all#oh also cholesterol medications too so ✔️#but the only one the dr has been calling me to come in for is the anemia so ...#just why suddenly after work you know? like they still *function* fine it's just this constant 'something is wrong'#ever since i got sick my body chemistry has been utterly whacked and now i'm not sick but it's getting weirder not better#i have had leg cramps before (why i had the magn and potassium supplements) but they went away after i slept#these went away then came back also they showed up just as i was feeling better#after a day of just feeling the malaise of a bad day spent feeling 'something is wrong' but nothing specific enough to identify#so like it was a good sogn bc i felt better but now it keeps on and i'm feeling bad again#i really hope it *is* the anemia because it would explain it but damn how am i gonna function until friday i can't sleep#and also like i've been whete these numbers are at before so why is it so much worse so suddenly#that's what's worrisome - where are all my red blood cells going? bc that means the internal bleeding thing is back on the table#well or the bone cancer?#there are too many things that could cause the same symptoms what tge fuck#torn between just taking aleve until nothing hurts (except if it's my kidneys ... or hey my stomache bc nsaids)#and packing a hospital bag just in case because catastrophisizing is what you do when you're home by yourself#it's so hard to tell when you're fat but you *think* you've been losing a weird amount of weight for no known reason#ignire this i'm typing it out bc i need to put it down somewhere and this blog is like a journal
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VUXisms (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#Or if you prefer my very Normal Collection of ZEX stimming lol#I'm not choosing to read alien behaviours through a neurodivergent lense you can't prove anything#Okay you got me yes I am lol - in conjunction with my ADHD Max HC (which I am only more convinced of lol) I went into this with#Really any kind of self-soothing behaviour fascinates me :D And ZEX definitely needs the soothing ;;#But it's not just the stimming! Though I did keep pretty diligent notes about that lol he's deeply interesting to me!#He's a texture person! Part of that is due to being VUX and having very processed food but if it fits it fits!#I'm also a texture person - again I have too many notes relating to ZEX lol#I also find it charming (or sad - whichever is applicable at the time!) when ZEX eats in ''odd'' ways haha ♪#Eating without utensils - you can always just wash your hands you do you <3#The weighted blanket lol so - I had a very normal and measured reaction to ZEX enjoying full-body pressure lol#Solely and purely intellectual! Of course! VUX enjoy swimming! Full-body pressure makes complete sense!#And he's a tactile person on top of that - pressure good for multiple reasons! I really do think he'd sleep better with a weighted blanket ♪#Back to stimming! I really loved the scene of him opening the water bottle and his therapist being So Impatient with him about it lol#Let him figure it out! He's very intelligent! Very skilled at finding weak points and exploiting them hehe <3#But then he runs his finger on the lip of the bottle! Wine-glassing it while he talks hehe <3 I love him#Humming!! Another stim I relate to! Not so much now since it was ''encouraged'' out of me so I may be doubly biased towards him using it hee#Too delighted to focus on utensil lessons and yet he's still clever enough to pay attention to multiple things at once hehehe ♫#And then aside from his actual biggest stim he plays with his hair quite a lot - in various ways and to different ends :D#Running his hands through it to self-soothe or tugging on it to express - I kinda read it as him trying to move his head feelers around haha#Not quite the same but something!#Oh and then his biggest stim - just looking at humans lol it is very dopamine-delivering <3 And he has dopamine now! Very powerful :3c#Hhhhh human chemistry for VUX behaviours <3 It's so interesting to me hehe ♪
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being not depressed is kind of what i was scared it would be. im so fucking angry. cause i have the energy to *BE* angry now. and to be told i should just "let it go, ruminating won't help" by someone who's spent my ENTIRE LIFE being angry, just in general, meaning i have to tiptoe around without that person EVER realizing i do that, is incredibly frustrating.
#realizing all the shit you grew up with was very messed up and then have NO ONE get it like truly “oh yeah ive messed up raising you i know”#and then never really changing. or rectifying anything. just lip service.#i need. a therapist. and a way out of this house. cant do that tho#like. i feel bad. cause its not horrible here. but its deeply frustrating. and i need space that i am truly unable to get#cant move out. i cant afford it. and they cant afford for me to leave. i got obligations here.#txt#vent#im so serious i havent had emotional clarity like this since i was 12. every version of me ppl knew was me deeply depressed#and i dont think they're going to like non-depressed me. cause i was bullheaded then and im bullheaded now.#for so long i felt that my depression/anxiety were keeping me safe. that they made me safe to *others*#and that if they went away id end up being a bad person. thatd id be mean and uncaring. but i still care#very much. but damn theres a lot of shit i put up with that i didnt deserve
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maybe i am gods favourite little bitch after all..
#work went well despite the craziness#saw upstairs neighbours fr a second and got wished happy holidays#another gooooood date w the guy. he seems to be wooing me fr im like ☺️💖#an hr and a half of sleep and i am Wakened by upstairs neighbour who is locked out of his place tryna get back in#i manage to help him out w the tools i got plus hear hes moving in february. dunno if mb theyre all going or??#rip i know theyre good people but id love to get some sleep#oh and also once he got the door open i got to pet their doggy. yayyy#hes still cleaning up up there so phone time fr me rn but after imma sleep again. yey#ALSO at the date i dropped my phone at the entrance of the place and it DIDNT get stolen once i realised i lost it it was still right THERE#also tmi i started my period halfway thru the day rip but didnt bleed thru my beautiful work clothes and was fine on the date so. yayy!#let me choose to think i had a Good Day bc i asked yall to pray fr me in the morning like damn......they REALLY did pull through..#ALSO how could i forget. solidarity in the womens bathroom when the lock was fucked but a stranger offered to Stand Guard fr me. yeah#anyway might make new year plans w the guy if he'd like to idk. heeheeheeeee#edit half an hour after posting this btw he is still rummaging away up there!! my god!! at least i dont have work later today mye godde..#just hanging wmy dad and his wife in the afternoon we were gonna do a christmas market but changed plans to board games and a movie#which considering 1. the period situation and 2. this being my one day off before having to do retail again on mon/tue. thank god! thank YOU
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