#oh also finding out they can see what websites their videos are linked on broke something in my brain that’s mortifying

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

it just hit me how embarrassing it is that dnp can see what parts of their videos we rewatch the most. like it’s not just that they see what we post, they can legitimately see that phannies are going back every time they touch or look at each other and watching it over and over and over like THAT’S SO HUMILIATING LMAO

[disabled-dragoon]

You don't have to answer this ask if you don't want to but I kinda need advice and I do not know where to start.

This is going to be a long vent I am so sorry.

I'm a minor and I have chronic pain. When I was young I was always told I had hyper mobility because my dad has it (that was a lie). I was also told that it was untreatable, incurable and I could do nothing but live my life in pain (again a lie).

A few years ago I started spiraling down disability/mobility aid youtube, because I was in so much pain and I could barely walk. Which made me have to stop ballet, and that made some of it better.

Anyways, a few months ago I went to my physiotherapist and mentioned my hyper mobility. She said I didn't have it, and did the exam on me. She also said that my chronic pain came from not sporting enough (i stopped sporting because of my pain.)

Either way that kinda broke me, because there was no explanation for anything and I was still in pain. So I went to my local doctor and she said I probably have fibromyalgia and she said I should go to a special physiotherapy (I have school and exams and I said I'll do it after I finish high school, she thought that was a good plan).

But yeah, I am still in pain right now. And I kinda want mobility aids because there are days I can barely walk. I discussed this with my mum, and she kinda doesn't know what to do with it. I just want to go to the doctor and ask them, but I don't know how to convince her.

My dad is apparently anti-mobility aids, and he also said he lied about being hyper mobile. He says he has this unnamed thing going on, and that I should do the thing his physiotherapist told him to do, like 30 years ago. For a disorder that didn't exist back then and he doesn't know anything about. As in, he doesn't even know -what- condition he has.

Oh his advice btw was to not try to find external help, but fixing it myself because that's the only way to get rid of the pain.

I'm so pissed off about it, but I know talking to him wouldn't help (he's kinda bad dad like that).

I just feel sick because of the pain and I don't know what to do. It really sucks it really really sucks.

I don't know if you can give any advice or anything at all, but anything would be appreciated.

- 💚

I don't know if there is much advice that I can give you in this situation, unfortunately. My fear is possibly making the situation worse for you, and I do not wish to do that.

I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of this. It sounds awful, but it's good to see that you are trying to take steps to make things better, however difficult they may be at the moment.

That first physiotherapist was ridiculous, good on you for getting a second opinion. Waiting for physiotherapy isn't ideal, but I'm glad you have the option for the future and I really hope it helps you. You should never do exercise beyond your comfort levels, however, if you want to look into some light physio-like exercises while you're waiting to see if helps at all, I have some links here that may be useful to check out:

Justin Agustin: A fitness influencer who does a lot of videos on "beginner workouts" and gentle exercises to help with mobility. Actually, all of the exercises in this video are exercises that I have done in my own physio at some point.

Alycia Klein: This woman has the same condition that I do- Hereditary Spastic Paraplegia- and posts videos about exercises and stretches to help with muscle spasticity and pain. I know it is not the same, but it could be of some use to browse. She is actually mentioned on the official Spastic Paraplegia Foundation website as a reputable resource.

Gentle Chair Yoga: Yes we're all sick of the "have you tried yoga" comments, but hear me out on this! Chair exercise can be incredibly beneficial for those of us who simply cannot stand long enough for much else. And this video, though 9 years old, is created by the Canadian LEAP service.

None of these resources are substitutes for actual medical advice, of course, and you should never try and push yourself beyond your limits if you do try them, but I am putting them here in case you decide to look into them.

In terms of mobility aids, other than sitting your mother down and discussing it with her, I do not have much advice here. I would recommend doing some research into exactly what type of mobility aid may be best for you, and, if possible, having a trusted adult and/or acquaintance in the room with you while you talk to her. It can make the discussion easier, should you choose to do it. Also, sometimes it can be easier if a professional- such as a teacher- brings the issue up with them first so you don't have to be the one to broach the subject first.

You're going through a difficult time and it's easy to start to feel like no one is listening to you. But that's not true, and you always have a space here to vent or seek advice if you ever need it.

Take care, anon.

[pony-central]

DrugFriend was scared to have found out that Sick Boyfriend had discovered his browser history.

Sick BF: DrugFriend? Please, can we talk about what you were looking up on your account? 😟

DrugFriend: *sighs* OK. We can. 😔

Sick BF: OK, then. I'll fix us up some coffee. Then you can tell me.

DrugFriend: *sniffles* OK... 😔

Sick Boyfriend prepared the coffee machine as it poured two piping hot mugs of coffee. He carefully placed both mugs on two coasters and sat down next to DrugFriend. DrugFriend was still shaking.

Sick BF: *sighs* DrugFriend?

DrugFriend couldn't look at his husband. He was too ashamed on what he had done.

Sick BF: You OK? 😟

DrugFriend: Mmm! 😖

Sick Boyfriend placed his hand on DrugFriend's hands. DrugFriend's hands were cold.

Sick BF: Oh my. Your hands are freezing. Is it due to the pressure I put on you? Why were you looking up -

DrugFriend immediately starts crying in shame.

Sick BF: Adult stuff...

DrugFriend: *cries* I'm sorry, Sick Boyfriend! I couldn't - oh! I didn't want to tell you about my addictions! 😫 😭

Sick Boyfriend was surprised that his husband had said that. He felt bad for him.

Sick BF: DrugFriend. Please talk to me.

DrugFriend: OK. *calms down a bit* I'll tell you... 😔

He sipped his cup of coffee, while a few tears fall down his face. He sighed in disappointment.

DrugFriend: I just wanted to be on my own for a bit. Every time you head out to do the shopping, or take Mrs Snickers to the vet for her checkups, I... Go in our room, turn on my laptop, and... Look that stuff up.

Sick Boyfriend was stunned.

Sick BF: Oh, my fucking God.

DrugFriend: It started out as one little online shopping thing on Amazon. I was gonna buy a new vaccum cleaner.

Sick BF: Oh. Yeah, I can see that. Our old vaccum cleaner is old and outdated.

DrugFriend: *sighs* Then it turned into me watching YouTube videos, like How2Basic, and The Annoying Orange.

Sick BF: God, those How2Basic videos once made me throw up. What about when you went on that green website? With the number 34 on it? 😟

DrugFriend: I don't fucking know. I was just looking up pictures of Marge Simpson and it just took me there. I'm sorry, Sick Boyfriend. Curiosity got the better of me.

Sick BF: DrugFriend... WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU PUT SAFE SEARCH ON?! 😫

DrugFriend: I didn't know how to! I, actually liked it, though.

Sick Boyfriend looked down at the floor. He then looked at DrugFriend with a Sad look on his face.

Sick BF: *sighs* DrugFriend. I know it's hard to not look away from those things, but that website is so inappropriate. You should have at least shut the laptop down. *gasps* Have you been looking up that stuff while I was also taking my daily naps? 😟

DrugFriend nodded his head. Sick Boyfriend gasped. DrugFriend then started crying in guilt. Sick Boyfriend couldn't stand to see his husband like this.

Sick BF: DrugFriend, listen. I have a small confession to make, too.

DrugFriend: Hmm?

Sick BF: I... Actually liked looking at the links you saved. I was in the middle of watching a video on that site you looked up, until you came downstairs. I'm sorry for what you're going through. Were you also looking up that stuff after you broke up with Lila Sky?

DrugFriend: Yeah. I was. 😔

Sick BF: That's OK. I understand. You do you, buddy.

DrugFriend: Thanks for understanding, Sick Boyfriend.

Sick BF: That's OK. 😊

DrugFriend: But wait! What if Penelope and Sick Girlfriend found out about my browser history?

Sick BF: I won't tell them anything. I hope they won't find out what you were looking up. 😊

DrugFriend: Thanks, buddy.

They both hug each other.

Sick Boyfriend Looks at DrugFriend's Browser History

Full script

Once the day had gone, and the moon was out, DrugFriend grew tired.

DrugFriend: Hey, buddy? I'm gonna hit the hay. You can stay up and watch movies if you want.

Sick BF: OK, Drugsy. See you at midnight. 😊

DrugFriend headed upstairs in their bedroom as Sick Boyfriend noticed that DrugFriend's laptop wasn't signed out of. He looked at it for a bit.

Sick BF: Hmm. I wonder what DrugFriend has been looking up on his laptop. He hasn't turned it off, that silly boy. 😊

He walked up to the laptop and sat down in DrugFriend's wooden chair. He clicked on the Chrome tab.

Sick BF: Hmm. YouTube. He left that tab on? Hmm? What's this? "Browser History"? What da heck is a browser history? ��

Sick Boyfriend looked left, then right and left again. He clicked on "Browser History", and saw a bunch of opened sites that DrugFriend had visited.

Sick BF: Huh? What's this tab? Oh, God! I hope that he hasn't been looking up what I think he has! 😟

Looking nervous, Sick Boyfriend clicked the first tab. It took him to a website that edited photos. DrugFriend had been using PhotoShop to edit in his face on each picture of Senpai.

Sick BF: *laughs* That's so funny! 🤣

As he looked at the shopping tab, he looked at what DrugFriend had purchased. He had purchased a beanbag chair.

Sick BF: Why does DrugFriend need a beanbag - Wait a second. What's this? 😟

He stopped at a green box, with a number that's a bit too familiar with adults.

Sick BF: Oh my God. He hasn't! 😫

Sick Boyfriend felt uneasy at first. He felt his stomach churn. But, he decided to check the tab anyways.

Sick BF: I got my bucket ready. Let's do this. 😔

He clicked the tab.

Sick BF: HOLY CRAP! DRUGFRIEND'S BEEN LOOKING AT BAD IMAGES ONLINE! 😫

He clamped his hands over his mouth, thinking that DrugFriend was gonna come downstairs. Luckily, DrugFriend was sound asleep.

Sick BF: Oh. Oh, my... *sighs* OK. Maybe just one image.

Five images later... Sick Boyfriend was feeling tingly.

Sick BF: Mmm. Ahh. Maybe I can keep quiet. Just not to wake up DrugFriend...

20 photos and one video later...

Sick BF: *soft moans* Ohhhh, my. Who knew that DrugFriend was such a -

DrugFriend comes downstairs. Oh crap. This can't be good.

DrugFriend: Sick Boyfriend? You done down... Here... OH, CRAP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON MY LAPTOP?! 😫

Sick Boyfriend whipped around and gasped.

Sick BF: Oh no. DrugFriend, it's not what you think!

DrugFriend: Why are you looking at my search history? 😟

Sick BF: I didn't know you had these tabs... 😔

DrugFriend: Aww, man. I'm so ashamed.

Sick BF: It's OK, DrugFriend. Everyone has an embarrassing secret.

[themcuhasruinedme]

I Wanna Take Forever Tonight

[Summary]: You and Scott get slow and sensual

[Paring]: Scott x reader

[Word Count]: 2,727

[Warning]: SMUT, NSFW (18+ ONLY), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, people!), toy play, masturbation, porn watching

Tagging: @dividedwecantfall @peterman-parker @avengerofyourheart​ @metalarmproblems @imagine-assembling-the-avengers @that-sokovian-bastard @hellomissmabel @abovethesmokestacks @beccaanne814 @hymnofthevalkyrie @buckys-shield @callamint @redgillan @iwillbeinmynest @aubzylynn @sgtbxckybxrnes @avengersnthings @feelmyroarrrr @girl-next-door-writes @honey-bee-holly​ @fvckingavengers​

A/N: Gif was made by yours truly! This fic kind of came out of nowhere but I can say that the song “I Wanna Take Forever Tonight” inspired it (if you wanna listen to it, look it up.. links apparently still don't work in posts) and the idea for it never left my head.. I don’t think this really has a plot behind it, which is most unusual for me, so enjoy this straight up sin wagon I decided to write! Lol!!!

You did it. You finally broke down and got one. You looked around the big room of the Tower to make sure no one was around as you secretly tried to carry the small box back to your room, face a little hot and slightly red knowing what it harbored inside.

Closing your door behind you and locking it just in case anyone were to try and get you while you opened up the box, you breathed a sigh of relief that so far you were in the clear of taking out your very own rabbit vibrator.

Taking it out of it’s own box, you held it in your hand and gently stroked it, feeling how soft the silicone was. Setting it aside, you took out the instruction manual and started to read it while also taking out the charging cord to power that baby up.

“2 hours to charge??” you read out loud and sighed. “Well, I guess I’ll have to wait until tonight to use it then.” Placing it in a spot that no one would see it, you left it alone and closed the door to your room.

Later that night after everyone had come back from a fun and somewhat drunken night out, you went into your room after saying your goodnights and closed your door immediately but didn't bother locking it, thinking everyone was too drunk off their asses to leave the couches. You then had dirty thoughts of the one person who you wanted so badly, fill your mind as you unplugged your vibrator from its charger.

Only thing was, was that after you left, Scott came wandering in the Tower by himself because he spent that night taking care of Cassie. Seeing everyone practically passed out on the couches, he sighed, shook his head and silently went into his room to get ready for bed.

After putting on a cute bra and panty set made of satin and lace, you grabbed your laptop, laid down on your bed and got on a porn website to start the fun. You first watched a couple videos doing nothing but rubbing your clit through your panties to start getting the feelings going.

Grabbing your vibrator, you turned it on to the lowest speed and slowly moved it up and down your clothed folds, feeling yourself getting more wet. You took one of your breasts in your hand and started to rub the nipple between your fingers, making it hard. You sat up and slowly took the bra off, the air making the other nipple sensitive and hard. Placing your back against the wall, you turned your vibrator on to the next speed and pulled your underwear aside, your body and throbbing pussy feeling so many different things all at once as you placed the head of the vibrator on your clit.

You let out a few moans and shifted your hips, grabbing hold of your pillow while your breathing started to get heavier with each second. Pulling off your underwear completely and tossing it to the floor, you rubbed the vibrator up and down your wet folds arching your back some as you felt your body tense up. 

Laying back down so you could get a better position, you opened up your pussy lips and placed the vibrator back on your clit, screaming out in pleasure into your pillow. You then slowly slid the vibrator into your throbbing pussy, letting the little rabbit do his thing. 

Blood coursing through your veins and electricity shocking through your entire body, you pressed the button once more reaching the highest speed and sending even more shockwaves through you. Your mind started to fill with thoughts of how you wished it was Scott that was deep inside you and hearing him make the same delicious sounds that you were making.

Pulling the vibrator out and placing it back on your clit made you scream out Scott’s name... just as he was passing by your room coming from the bathroom. He stopped by your door a minute, wondering if he really heard you calling for him and if you did, were you possibly having a nightmare.

Opening the door a crack to make sure everything was ok, he couldn’t help but get wide-eyed. Seeing you in all your glory, he could feel his own body start to tense up. As he watched you keep working at your clit with the vibrator, moans and heat filling the air, he grabbed hold of his hardening cock and slowly started to stroke it.

You arched your back again as you slid the vibrator back in, breath hitching in the back of your throat. Pumping it in and out as it hit your sweet spot having moan after moan escape you, it made Scott get harder by the second. Getting on your hands and knees, you kept pumping it as Scott’s name breathlessly came out of your mouth.

“Scott... Oh god, yes... Scott, yes... harder.. harder.. faster...,” you moaned.

Scott stroked his hard cock as fast he could, your words ringing through his mind, imaging what your wet pussy would feel like around his shaft. As he kept going, he let out his own moan which made both of you stop dead in your tracks. You immediately pulled out your vibrator, shut your laptop, threw on your shirt and underwear, opening the door to find Scott still there, frozen from fear.

Both of your faces looked red from embarrassment. “Scott.. wha- what are you, uh.. what are you doing here?” you managed to stammer.

He looked down and pursed his lips together, not knowing what to say. His mind on the other hand did the reacting for him and before another word could come out of you, his lips landed on yours. A little shocked but not backing out of it, you closed your eyes and let him sweep you in his arms as he deepened the kiss.

Wrapping your legs around his waist, he closed the door behind him and flopped you on the bed, his lips now moving down your jawline. You ran your fingers through his dark brown hair as you bit your lip, feeling his breath heat up your skin. Reaching your collarbone he stopped and looked at you with those piercing green eyes that you swore you could get lost in, and you gently placed your hand on his cheek. 

Gently sweeping some hair off your forehead, Scott smiled at you making you smile back. He slowly ran his thumb over your lips as the two of you literally got lost in each others eyes. It almost felt like time just stood still. 

“Wait,” you whispered and got up, opening your curtains and turning off the light; the full moon now the only thing casting light into your room.

You laid back down and he encased your lips in another slow yet passionate kiss, gently gliding his fingertips down your side until they reached the hem of your shirt. He slipped his hand under the cotton material and traced shapes on your side, making you softly moan into his kiss which made his cock twinge.

Breaking from his lips, you sat up and took your shirt off revealing your body to him. He slowly looked you up and down, his eyes taking in every inch of how beautiful you were. You helped him take his t-shirt off and both of you laid down on the bed with him hovering above you. Those green eyes glistened in the moonlight and you couldn't help but be in awe of their beauty.

Scott sat up and pulled you up to him encasing you in his arms, your breathing slowly coming together and taking in each of your scents; Scott smelling the the light floral scent of your shampoo and you breathing in his lingering cedar wood body wash. Feeling his warm breath on your shoulder, you nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck and gently ran your fingers along his spine.

You then started placing gentle kisses on his collarbone, making soft moans escape his lips. You could feel his cock start to harden a bit through his boxers against your wet folds. Slowly you slid your hand down his chest stopping right at the hem, goosebumps now crawling over his skin. Taking in a deep breath, you slid your hand into his boxers and wrapped your fingers around his shaft keeping eye contact with him. Scott sharply sucked in his breath as you started to slowly pump it.

Feeling him get even harder under your touch made you so wet that you needed him to know just how wet you were. You quickly let go and slid your panties off, placing Scott’s fingers in your wet folds making moans come out of both of you. Quickly pulling his hand back, slipping out of his boxers and having  you lean back, he let his fingers do their magic and what magic they did.

Scott slowly slid his fingers back and forth through your wet folds and played with your clit, making the room fill with your moans of pleasure. He then grabbed one of your breasts and kneaded the soft flesh, the nipple getting hard within seconds. You started to grind your hips back and forth as his fingers still toyed with your clit, feeling your body shake from the pleasure. 

“Scott... oh god.. yes... Scott.. that feels so...,” you started to say but was cut short with a loud moan as you felt him slid a finger in your pussy.

“Oh god, [Y/N]... so wet, baby.. so wet and tight...,” he muttered as he then moved his hand over to give your other breast attention.

He slowly slid his finger in and out of your pussy as his thumb went to work on your clit. You leaned back a bit more to give him a better angle and felt your vibrator behind you as you moved your hands back to brace yourself more. Grabbing it, you handed it to him. Giving your breast a break, he took it and turned it on, placing it on the underside of your breast, moving it around your stomach and sliding it up and down your inner thigh, turning the speed to its highest as it got closer and closer to your clit.

Scott had you lay down, came over to your side and placed your hand on his hard shaft. He couldn’t help but let out a soft moan as you started to stroke it. You on the other hand inhaled sharply as he slid another finger in your pussy and placed the vibrator on your clit, electricity going through your entire body. Running the vibrator up and down your pussy, getting you even more wet if that was even possible, Scott took his fingers out of you and slowly slid the vibrator in.

A loud gasp erupted from the back of your throat as the sensation reeled through you. Scott climbed on top of you, pinned your arms back, entangled his fingers with yours and encased your lips once again in a passionate kiss as the vibrator built up the hunger inside you of wanting Scott to fuck you badly.

“Scott... please.. I want you... in me...,” you whimpered as he pulled away. Giving you a devilish grin while lustful green eyes stared back at you, Scott couldn’t help but become undone hearing you beg for him.

“Is that what you want? You want me that badly?” he asked as he teased your pussy, placing his cock by your entrance and letting the vibrations make him tingle from head to toe.

He slowly pulled the vibrator out and entered you, your pussy taking in every inch of his shaft. Giving you a minute to adjust, Scott started off with slow and gentle motions, making you feel like you were a delicate flower to him. As he found his rhythm in his slow thrusts, you couldn’t help but be amazed at how you thought he would be more wild and faster but in actuality he’s the sort that takes his time and worries about hurting you, even though his teasing game was completely different.

“[Y/N]... my baby [Y/N]...,” he whispered as he pushed some hair off your face and you couldn't help but smile back at him.

Sliding out slightly, he had you turn on your side and hug you from behind still slowly thrusting while every few minutes, he’d pick up the pace a bit. Scott slid his hand down to your clit while the other kneaded your breast and he placed soft kisses on your shoulder up to the nape of your neck. You let out a moan as his fingers circled around your clit, feeling your core heat up once again.

Scott pulled out completely and had you turn to look at him, placing your hand on his cock feeling how slick it was covered with your juices. You sat up on your knees and slowly licked the tip, making Scott arch his back a bit. Taking it even slower in your mouth, you could feel him writhe under you, feel his cock twinge in your mouth.

Hitting the base of his shaft with your lips, almost hitting your gag reflex, you slowly came back up and released him with a pop making Scott see stars. Taking your tongue, you licked the vein from base to tip then placed gentle kisses on it, Scott bunching the sheets in his hand and running his fingers through your hair.

“Oh, god... shit [Y/N]... that.... that feels so... feels so good...,” he said in between grunts and moans.

Placing him in your mouth once again, you bobbed you head slow a few times, picked up the pace a bit then slowed it down. You did this several times feeling Scott tense in your mouth, edging him to his climax. Letting him go once again, you climbed on top of him straddling his hips and gave him a sly smile, your pussy aching for him to enter you.

Taking his hardness in your hand you rubbed the tip along your wet folds, moans escaping both of you and slowly lowered yourself onto his throbbing cock, feeling your soft flesh spread over him like honey. You start to rock your hips back and forth, finding your rhythm, pinning his hands above his head.

Encasing his lips with yours, your body thrusts in synch and guttural moans being swapped in each others mouths, you could feel the build up of your own climax as your core heated up even more.

“Play with me, Scott,” you begged, pulling away from this kiss.

Releasing one of your hands, Scott slid a finger in your pussy feeling your warm slickness and slowly circled your clit. A shaky moan hitched in the back of your throat as you felt your insides spark and heat up like lightning starting a wild fire. Scott picked up the pace a bit with your body shaking from the reeling sensation and pleasure.

“Oh god.... Scott... yes, Scott..”

“[Y/N]... I’m getting.. I’m getting close... c’mon baby..,” Scott said between thrusts.

Feeling your body shaking all over, you knew you were about to go over the edge as well. Just one more minute. Just one more. One last thrust had you screaming out Scott’s name as he emptied his seed in your aching pussy, which in turn made you go over the edge and had Scott screaming your name as he felt your walls clamp around his shaft.

Scott pulled out of you and sat up, pulling you close to him as your body shuttered from riding out your high. You snuggled into his chest, feeling his heart slowly returning to its normal rate while having the rise and fall of his chest almost lull you too sleep.

He got up to go clean himself off and put his boxers back on, disturbing your sleepiness which was a good thing because you needed to do the same. Scott got back to the bed before you did and you found him practically passed out already, half snuggled under your blanket. You smiled and shook your head, putting your underwear back on before getting under the blanket with him hoping this moment could last forever.

[terrainofheartfelt]

"It's you, it couldn't be awful"

A Playlist For Dair Appreciation Week, Day 7 - Fave Quotes & Lyrics

I haven’t the faintest idea how to make gifs (seriously I think all of you are witches) so I made this playlist, because there is nothing I love more than scrolling through my spotify library and just projecting all over it.

Track listings and links with opinions & lyrics under the cut, because this thing is long, because I have no restraint.

(Note: I intentionally left off all tswift bc if I didn’t, we’d be here all day)

Section 1: The Bops

Little of Your Love - HAIM

A bop that embodies the energy of the 4b arc, and an energy of “Oh for crying out loud, Humphrey”

You’re just another recovering heart / I wasn’t even gonna try / you wouldn’t even give the time

Stop runnin’ your mouth like that / ‘cause you know I’m gonna give it right back

Hate That You Know Me - Bleachers

It’s “You owe me ten / You owe me twenty!” & “I was hoping it would go away / I was humiliated” & basically all of While You Weren’t Sleeping, tbh

Some days I, I wish that I wasn't myself / No luck! / And I hate that you know me so well

I Like Me Better - Lauv

Heavily featured in all y’all’s gifsets—and rightfully so!!! It’s also like the perfect counter to the previous song.

To not know who I am but still know that I'm good long as you're here with me

Sweet Talk - Saint Motel

It’s about Blair roasting Dan for filth and him being completely charmed by it.

when you laugh / I forget that it's about me / But it's alright / Yeah, cause being your punchline / Still is something

No Reason to Run - Cold War Kids

In the perfect version of the show that lives in my head, this is the end credits song that plays as the two of them frolic in Rome.

I have evolved like a fish growing legs / Woke like a lightbulb clicked in my brain

You Make Lovin' Fun - Fleetwood Mac

The song for the couple that fucked in an elevator. Bless the work.

Sweet wonderful you / You make me happy with the things you do

No Matter What You Do - covered by Jakob Dylan and Regina Spektor

The energy is “I have a lot of affection for you but you are so annoying.” And this is the obligatory post-breakup s6 song.

No matter what in the world you do / Hey, I'll always be in love with you

Don't Take the Money - Bleachers

I see so much love for tswift on this website (valid) but I feel like the world as a whole sleeps on her collaborator Jack Antonoff bc he is brilliant and his act Bleachers has some of my favorite songs ever. Like this one. Antonoff has said before that the title phrase is more metaphorical than literal, like an idiom that means don’t take the easy way and give this up, because it’s genuine. Real “I want to have a sleepover with you” vibes.

Somebody broke me once / Love was a currency / A shimmering balance act / I think that I laughed at that

In the Morning - Nina Simone

It’s about the domesticity! And the “Our relationship is our world”! And the “we’re young and still have so much life to live so everything’s gonna be okay.” did i title a smut fic with lyrics from this song maybeso.gif

Please be patient with your life / It's only morning and you're still to live your day

This Must Be the Place - Talking Heads

This is a canon dair song bc @mysteriesofloves titled a fic after this song, them’s the rules. But for real, this is such a good one. The lyrics are intentionally scattered, a little bewildered, like “how did we get here? how did this happen? who found whom?” and finally “who cares? we found a home in each other.”

The less we say about it, the better / We'll make it up as we go along

Cleopatra in Brooklyn - Frank Turner

Chosen for the title obviously, but the lyrics capture the royal/5b arc pretty well, I think. The narrator carries this tongue-and-cheek comparison of the woman he’s singing to to Cleopatra through the whole song, comparing himself to Marc Antony, and ending with this really earnest kind of declaration. I’m obsessed with this songwriter he’s a genius please give him a listen.

These people are adjectives to your proper noun

I'll come find you when your fortunes fail you / I'll die with you when the gods desert you

Morphing into Section 2: Pure Vibes

Walking on a Dream - covered by Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness

The original is by Empire of the Sun (and omigod I just realized the coincidence), but I first heard it covered by McMahon, and he’s one of my favorite musicians of ever so I just love his rendition. And this song is sort of like...about finally deciding that the reality of love with someone is so much better than the idea of it.

Thought I’d never see / The love you found in me / Now it’s changing all the time

Wake Me - Bleachers

Jack coming for my life yet again. This song is so romantic but also so melancholy? Which is such a Daniel Humphrey Vibe.

And I'd rather be sad with you / Than anywhere away from you

All I Want - Joni Mitchell

I’m a white girl with a mother who grew up in the 60s, so I love Joni. And this song is so bubbly and joyful, but it’s also about a relationship between two imperfect people and wanting it to work anyway. Big “Despicable B” vibes!

All I really want our love to do / Is to bring out the best in me / And in you, too.

Dust to Dust - The Civil Wars

A friend in undergrad got me into the Civil Wars by showing me their live videos, and they have such incredible musical chemistry - like, the synchronicity of their ensemble is so good that it even comes through on their studio recordings and it makes these simple lyrics hit SO HARD.

You're just lonely / You've been lonely too long

NFWMB - Hozier

Ok, this had to be like the first ask I ever sent @bisexualdanhumphrey bc they wrote this fantastic meta post about Hozier and Derena but I said: “consider: NFWMB is a Dair song.” And they said, “You right.” I stand by it, and that’s why this song is on this list.

If I was born as a blackthorn tree / I'd wanna be felled by you / Held by you / Fuel the pyre of your enemies

Friday I'm in Love - covered by Phoebe Bridgers

This song - especially this cover - gives such Secret Friendship Arc vibes a la the end of 4x16...the inherent romance of eating pizza and falling asleep on the couch together

Always take a big bite / It’s such a gorgeous sight / To see you eat in the middle of the night

A Case of You - Joni Mitchell

Queen Joni again. Like! I am a lonely painter / I live in a box of paints. & The “You’re the star of Dan’s book” of it all in these lyrics!

I remember that time you told me / You said “Love is touching souls” / Surely you touched mine / ‘cause part of you pours out of me / In these lines from time to time.

Longing to Belong - Eddie Vedder

This is my thinly veiled attempt to tell more people about this: a song written and performed by Pearl Jam’s Eddie Vedder on ukulele, that is actually the softest love song in the history of western music.

All my time is spent here / Longing to belong to you

Bones - Josh Record

Okay, so, that Moment on the Couch at the end of 5x02? That’s this song.

And darling, when your feet are cold / Wait up, I'm coming home / And all of you I will hold / My love will clothe your bones

Cinnamon Girl - Lana Del Rey

The song for when you reach the end of plausible deniability - One all consuming paralyzing thought & You need to go back to Brooklyn - and it scares the heck out of you.

There's things I wanna say to you, but I'll just let you live / Like if you hold me without hurting me / You'll be the first who ever did

You and Me - You + Me

You can be flawed enough but perfect for a person

Section 3: Songs for Dancing in the Kitchen with Your Lover at 1 am

Cigarettes and Coffee - Otis Redding

The “Dan and I have a real connection song.” It’s about the romance of commonplace things when they’re with the right person.

But it seemed so natural, darling / That you and I are here

I'd Be Waiting - Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats

It’s “I just want to spend the day with you” but in like, slow-dance, sexy harmonies format.

If you ever get lonely if you never did

Never My Love - covered by Jakob Dylan and Norah Jones

The “Words of Affirmation” love song they deserve, and an underrated love song from Laurel Canyon, imho

What makes you think love will end? / When you know that my whole life depends / On you

Dancing in the Dark - covered by Morgan James

Okay so these lyrics are such Dan lyrics to me, it’s charmingly self-aware and self-deprecating. And this cover by Morgan James turns this staple rock song into something ~sexy~

I'm dying for some action / I'm sick of sittin' round here trying to write this book / I need a love reaction / Come on, gimme just one look

Oh Me Oh My (I'm a Fool for You) - Aretha Franklin

They’re literally always making each other laugh! It’s about feeling safe enough to be uninhibited and unselfconscious in your joy.

To make you laugh / I would be a fool for you

I Fall in Love Too Easily - as done by Chet Baker

No one, but no one sounds as sweet or as smooth as Chet. I know it, you know it, Hozier knows it. And this song and it’s titular thesis is so Them, it’s such a central part of their respective characters, and one of the things that makes them compatible.

My heart should be well schooled / 'Cause I've been fooled in the past

For Me Formidable - Charles Aznavour

Due entirely to this fic (Part II of a god tier s4 au) This is the end credits song for their full feature length Nora Ephron romcom.

NSFW Honorable Mention: Dinner & Diatribes - Hozier

it’s the definitive “men get pegged” representation, iykyk

[cafedanslanuit]

✦ • ° *.  — Ｓａｅｒａｎ＇ｓ　Ａｆｔｅｒ　Ｅｎｄｉｎｇ —  . * ° • ✦

chapter guide  |  chat with me  |  maybe a coffee?

summary: Saeran has finally found MC and is ectasic to finally be able to enjoy the good ending his tumultous life has reached. But with Saeyoung still missing and Mint Eye around, his happiness may have to wait a little more. Was love really capable to win against his inner demons or will he have to learn to fight for himself?

chapter warnings: [check chapter guide for story warnings] mentions and/or descriptions of night terrors

c h a p t e r   f o u r   —   it’s not like me to be so mean you’re all i wanted

“Are you sure about this?” MC asked as she stepped into Jumin’s office. He closed the door behind her and sat on one of the sofas, inviting her to do the same.

“I already told you it’s more than okay. We have an interior designer but I… I am discontent with how this office looks. I want to change it and you need a job, what’s there more to ask?”

“I guess you’re right,” she replied with a smile, taking out a notebook from her purse. “I guess I was just worried you would have a problem with your father about hiring a different interior designer.”

“Not at all, I made all the normal paperwork C&R asks for a new employee, like a background check and some other revisions. You will also get the benefits freelancers get from our company, in case you were wondering.”

MC shot her eyes up at Jumin. He looked back at her, his eyebrow slightly raised. The silence between both of them became thick, the notebook on MC’s hands trembling slightly

“You’re worried about what I saw on the background check,” Jumin rationalizes, crossing one of his legs over the other one. MC nodded, her eyes darting from her notebook to the man sitting in front of her. Never before had she felt so vulnerable with someone from the RFA.

All this time, she believes only Saeyoung knew about it, since he was a hacker. She had done the best to hide her steps, never commenting on anything she shouldn’t have, knowing that even though Saeran was a better hacker than Saeyoung, he trusted her enough to not dig around her past and she planned to keep it that way.

She would tell him eventually, she had told herself. When she was ready.

“You shouldn’t worry about that. It’s not like you did something wrong,” the man in front of her said. “By your reaction I assume no one knows? Well, Saeyoung probably does. Does Saeran…?” MC shook her head. “I see. Well, he won’t hear it from me,” he assured her. “You can stop worrying about that.”

MC stayed in silence for another moment and then opened her small notebook with a long sigh.

“I’m guessing you’re going to want cats somewhere?” she asked with a small smile, to which Jumin imitated her.

“I actually do. I’ve been thinking about getting some cat pottery. I’ve found a couple of those at a designer website that seem to be a good fit.”

“Can you send me the link, please?” she asked, taking a note. “I will try to see if they still have them.”

The rest of the conversation fluctuated between casual conversation and ideas about Jumin’s new office. Even though she tried her best, she couldn’t shake the feeling of someone else knowing what had happened a few years ago. She wasn’t ready to tell everyone (and a part of her was sure she would never be) and now she felt as if Jumin was finally looking at the real her. The way he talked to her was the same, but she couldn’t shake the feeling something was bound to happen at any second, that if too many people knew about it, somehow history would repeat itself.

Jumin insisted she returned home with Driver Kim and, as soon as she jumped out of the car, she went straight to the kitchen. Distract yourself , had been the clear indication she had been told whenever her thoughts were too much. She put her earphones on with music on high volume as she followed the recipe.

Distract yourself , she repeated the words someone else told her before. No. She didn’t get to break down at something that didn't happen. Jumin didn’t question her about it. Hell, Saeyoung had never questioned her about it. Why would she allow herself to feel like this?

No, she deserved to feel like this. She had the right to feel scared, she had the right to feel whatever she wanted to feel. It had happened a while back, yes, but it was not going to happen again. She felt her chest tighten. It was not happening again. Just because people knew didn’t make it any different. She wasn’t in the wrong, she hadn’t done nothing to feel shame about what happened. It was okay, she was going to be okay, she was--

She felt a hand over her shoulder and screamed.

“It’s me, it’s me!” Saeyoung said, raising his hands in surrender as you took your earphones off. “I’m sorry, I asked you something and you didn’t listen. I’m sorry.”

MC shook her head. “It's okay. You just startled me, that’s all. Not used to you being without  the leg cast.”

“How did it go with Jumin?” Saeyoung asked carefully.

“Oh, it was okay. He has some ideas so maybe I’ll work on that later. I have to bring him a proposal by the end of the week,” she explained. Saeyoung nodded and waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. He understood.

“I was just going to ask what you were planning on cooking today,” Saeyoung said, his tone playful, trying to lift her mood. “Honestly, I’ve been so blessed since you started taking care of the food around here. God listened to his humble server and said: You! You deserve good food!” he joked, pointing at a corner in the kitchen. MClaughed. “And I was there, choking on a Honey Buddah probably, agog, aghast,” he said, running to the same corner and playing himself. “Thankful. Blessed. Touched by God’s light and MC’s cooking.”

More laughter erupted from MC as Saeyoung kept joking around. The door opened and they both saw Saeran entering the apartment, hands on his pockets and a dull expression on his face.

“Saeran! I made dinner,” Saeyoung beamed.

“I made dinner,” she corrected him, elbowing him on the ribs playfully. MC looked over at Saeran and smiled at him. “It’s going to be ready in twenty minutes or so.”

“I don’t want it,” Saeran muttered, leaving his keys on the small coffee table. Her smile faded and she did the best to bring it back up.

“Should I save you some for later?”

“No,” he said, avoiding her gaze and heading over to his room. The smile on her face finally vanished and she felt once more a hand on your shoulder. Saeyoung looked at MC apologetically and she shrugged, trying to rest importance to what just had happened.

“I’m guessing you do want some?” she asked and he immediately nodded with a smile.

“Please, I’m starving,” he sighed, putting a hand on his neck theatrically. You giggled and went back to your cooking, listening to Saeyoung rant about something he had seen on a movie the past week.

You had never been so thankful to have him.

…

Apparently, decorating an office with little cat motives while also maintaining a professional look was harder than MC had expected. She had been up all night in her room looking for new furniture and items she could add, drawing and drawing Jumin’s room in her pad and checking the photos and measurements she had taken earlier over and over again.

It felt good to finally be back to work again. After months of thinking only about religious cults and Saeran’s recovery, she knew she needed to get back on track. She had been without a job for about two months when Saeran had first contacted her to try out “an app”, and thinking she hadn’t many job opportunities before and rent wasn’t going to wait for her, she had taken it.

And now there she was, four months later trying to get back on the saddle.

MC clicked the next page on the website and a pop up of a blonde woman offering her help navigating the website made chills run down her spine. How long would it be until she could stop thinking about Rika? She took a sip of her coffee and let out a long sigh.

She still couldn’t believe Rika was found unimpeachable. Her attorney had brought a psychiatrist to the court who claimed to have assessed her as she waited for the trial. Apparently, Rika had been through her fair share of trauma as a child. Thanks to Yoosung, MC already knew Rika had been adopted by cruel parents and judging by what she’d seen at Mint Eye, she was sure Rika wasn’t in her best mental state. The updates MC read online didn’t provide any video of the trial itself as some subjects were private, but the source did confirm Rika was practically delusional. She had talked about a childhood friend named Mika, who she claimed has given her the idea for Mint Eye. But when Rika’s attorney tried looking for her, he discovered said Mika had died at the brief age of ten years, just a couple of years after being adopted.

Apart from the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder the psychiatrist had diagnosed Rika with, it seemed Rika couldn’t differentiate real life from her imagination anymore. The psychiatrist claimed she also had a complex personality disorder that could take time to correctly diagnose. The information presented on trial was enough for the judge to find Rika unimpeachable and sent her to a mental facility to spend the rest of her days.

The night she read those updates from the trial, as she rocked Saeran softly to help him sleep again after a nightmare, MC let herself cry again, torn between the feelings of wanting her to suffer and trying to understand she hadn’t been in her right mind from a very young age. As she looked through the window, she thought about V. She remembered Saeran mentioning V had been a victim of Rika as well and her heart broke by how much suffering he had been into while also being kind to her during the days MC spent at Mint Eye.

MC closed her eyes and wished V were healing as she was thinking about him.

A loud crash startled her, making her look at the door. Another crash and screams followed and she quickly stood up, recognizing Saeran’s voice immediately. She opened Saeran’s room and found him tossling on his bed, eyes closed and face damp with sweat.

“Saeran, wake up,” she whispered, standing on the edge of the bed. “Saeran, baby, it’s a nightmare,” she said in the softest voice possible, grazing his arm with her fingertips.

The door opened again and Saeyoung entered, his honey eyes widening at his brother screaming on the bed. He quickly jumped on the bed, ignoring MC’s protests and took Saeran by the shoulders, sitting him up.

“Saeran, wake up!” he said, shaking his shoulders. Saeran’s teal eyes opened and Saeyoung smiled again. “Hey, it was a--”

And that was when the first strike hit.

Saeran had punched Saeyoung in the face, who had fallen on the bed backwards. Saeran hit him once more as his brother tried to cover himself. MC gasped loudly and quickly latched herself on Saeran’s back, trying to restrain his arms the best she could.

“Saeran, it was a nightmare!” she yelled. She could hear Saeyoung’s grunts underneath his brother and she wished she had more strength than Saeran. “You’re safe! You’re not in Min Eye, you’re safe!” she assured him, using all the force she had to restrain his arms, stopping him from hitting Saeyoung any further. “Saeran, you’re safe!”

It took Saeran a moment to stop his movements. His body immediately tensed up and MC figured out he had noticed Saeyoung’s body underneath him. When she demeaned safe, she let go of his arms, which fell limp against his sides.

“Are you okay?” she whispered and looked at Saeran nodding slowly.

“What happened?” he asked in a hoarse voice.

Saeyoung got up from bed and MC noticed the faint stain of blood on his cheek. He put his hand over Saeran’s shoulder and shrugged nonchalantly.

“You had a nightmare, but it’s okay now!” he said with a grin. Saeran looked up with a grimace.

“I hurt you.”

“You didn’t.”

“I hardly doubt she did,” Saeran muttered, his head leaning to MC’s side. Saeyoung dismissed him, moving his hand.

“Don’t worry about it. Gonna get cleaned up, try to get some rest, bro,” he said, leaving Saeran’s room.

Without a word, Saeran got back into his bed and even let MC put the sheets over him. Her face was full of concern and he realized for the first time, she was quiet after one of his nightmares. She would usually talk to him, trying to get his thoughts to stop swimming around like they were in that moment.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked, making her eyes look at him. She quickly nodded.

“I held you back, so you didn’t hurt me,” she replied, putting a strand of his hair behind his ear. “But don’t worry about that now. Did you take your pill before falling asleep?”

Saeran nodded, watching MC’s lips purse.

“They will start working better soon, I promise,” she whispered. Saeran watched her lean down as she always did to leave a kiss on his forehead but stopped herself. His chest ached. “I’m still working on that Jumin project, so I’ll be awake for a while. Knock my door if anything happens, okay?” she asked him sweetly and he nodded once more.

Battling with her intense desire to stay, MC stood up and left Saeran’s room without looking back. There wasn’t anything in the world she wanted more than to stay by his side until he fell back asleep but she also knew he needed to get better without the need to have her around. He couldn’t depend on her, no matter how much she was craving to go back and snuggle up with him, trying to chase all his nightmares away.

There was also the lingering concern about Saeyoung.

She found him in the bathroom, trying to pour alcohol over the wound on his cheek. She stopped him and made him sit on the toilet gently, trying to assess the damage. Thankfully, his cheekbone didn’t seem to be broken and the wound on his cheek was small, so there wasn’t the need for stitches. MC started cleaning it up in silence with a cotton pad, taking her time.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. She quickly shook her head.

“You didn’t know. But in the future, when he gets those night terrors… you need to wake him up gently. Works best on him or he gets confused and sometimes violent,” she explained. A move of her hand made Saeyoung hiss. “Sorry,” she whispered.

“Duly noted,” Saeyoung tried to smile, but failed. MC some cream on the other cheek, hoping it didn’t bruise too much.

“Just give him some time, please,” she asked him softly.

“Don’t worry for me, MC,” Saeyoung grinned. “I’m okay.”

MC wished she believed him.

previous chapter | next chapter [tba]

[mermaidcashton]

if i knew you were comin’

author: claire (@mermaidcashton) ship/AU: ashton irwin/reader, baker AU  prompt: “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I have no idea what I’m doing. I almost never do.”  wordcount: 3344 warnings: swearing a/n: • written for @maluminspace & @h0tsos ‘s 5sos fic writers collab (in which we all chose from a list of AU’s and had the above prompt quote to include - check out the masterlist linked to see everyone elses!) • i do not give permission for this (or any of my writing) to be reposted, by anyone, on this or any other website. please don’t do it! • title from ‘if i knew you were comin' i'd've baked a cake’ by eileen barton  if i knew you were comin’ ***

It would have been a real cliché had it been pouring with rain, the first time you saw him. If an unexpected thunderstorm in June had sent you into the little hipster bakery by necessity, a beacon of shelter in the form of a black & white sign that said ‘Dagger & Snake Bakehouse’. As it was, you were simply hungry in the rich sunshine, miles from home, and a sucker for bagels. That wasn’t very rom-com, really. 

The cliché came in when you saw him for the first time; laugh bright on his face, flour in his pillar box red hair. You felt every love-at-first-sight trope possible in that moment; brass band playing, lightning striking, arrows piercing. 

But it was raining now - slowly but with determination from the grey September sky - and you felt it, still.

***

The old fashioned bell above the heavy door rang out as you pushed your way into the bakery, immediately feeling enveloped in warmth. You shook off the excess water pooling on your umbrella out of the open door before you let it close as gently as possible behind you, spinning back around to assess the scene before you.

The shop was an assault on the senses every time you visited; the smell of 50 different baked goods intermingling and somehow achieving a harmony in your nose, the sound of the eclectic playlist they kept adding to filling the shop, and the assault on the eyes came in the form of bright hanging lights, extensive art on the walls, and the staff themselves.  

“Hello, you! Get in here; it’s horrible out there!”

You smiled widely, genuinely, at the greeting. “Hey, Calum! How are you?” You replied, stepping up to the counter. Calum ran his hand over his very short blonde hair with a smile that you were sure accounted for at least 25% of their sales. Not that you’d know; only one of the co-owners kept you spending more than you could really afford on focaccia bread, and he was nowhere to be seen.

“Can’t complain, real-well, actually, I can,” Calum changed his mind mid-sentence, face growing indignant. “Ash went to drop the banking off at Natwest 30 minutes ago, and Luke was due 5 minutes before you walked in, and I’m dying for a piss, and I-” The bell above the door shook like a hurricane had just come through the door, and in the form of a 6’2” blonde streak of limbs, it kind of had. “Sorry, sorry, I’m he-woah!” Luke skidded across the shiny white floor on his damp black Converse, windmilling his long arms until he caught one of only three tables in the place, and brought himself to a jolting stop. 

Calum rolled his eyes. “This fucken’ guy.” He muttered, but you could see the fondness painted all over his golden brown face. “Luke, I need to pee; look after our best customer for me!” Calum bolted out from behind the counter, showing off his black tank top and pinstriped trousers as he pulled his black branded apron off on his way to the door marked ‘STAFF ONLY’ across the shop. You could hear his Doc Martens squeaking on the tiles as he disappeared through the door and Luke took his place behind the counter, chucking his backpack through the archway that attached the shop to the bakery’s kitchen.  “Ooh, Ashton won’t like finding your backpack in his kitchen when he gets back!” You tease, leaning onto the ledge that separates you from Luke. The absent baker was very particular about his immaculate commercial kitchen and everything in it, and you knew something would definitely be said about the fact that Luke’s wet backpack was now lying on the floor by the ovens. Calum had once told you about a time he had simply moved Ashton’s sourdough starter across the kitchen, and the incident that had followed (and lasted for three days). “Ooh, won’t he!” Luke cooed, tying his own D&S Bakehouse apron with a messy bow on his stomach. “You’d know, being our resident Ashton expert and all.” You felt the flush begin to bloom on your cheeks before you saw it reflected in Luke’s stupid stainless steel coffee machine. You stuck your chin out as defiantly as possible. “I don’t know what that means, and I also don’t care. I’d like a Flat White, please, barista!”  Luke clutched his chest with a large hand, gasping dramatically. “So harsh! My own job title! You missed ‘Retail Assistant’ and ‘Shop Hunk’, but I’ll forgive you because I know you’re having Ashton withdrawals right now. Haven’t seen you since last week, kiddo!” Opting to ignore his needling about the Ashton situation, you set your own backpack on the floor as you let out a sigh. “Yeah, it’s been a bit chaotic this week. But I said I’d try and come by today, and I can’t live without Calum’s doughnuts much longer, so here I am.” “Yeah, that’s definitely what you can’t live without.” Luke snorted, filling the portafilter with coffee grounds. The staff door swung open before you could respond, Calum sailing back into the bakery. “Does he come with an off switch?” You groaned, shaking your head at the bottle blonde as he laughed and groaned with you. “God, if he did, I’d use it so often he’d never be ‘on’.” “You love me, they love me, everybody loves me!” Luke sang at volume as the coffee machine began to grind and whir. Calum rolled his eyes as he shut the door to the counter. “The girls from the high school down the street love you, I’ll give you that, but that’s about it.”   “The boys, too.” Luke wiggled his eyebrows at you ridiculously, tapping the used coffee grounds into the bin with a flourish. You couldn’t help but giggle; you’d grown so fond of Luke and Calum in the three months you’d been visiting the bakery that you considered them friends. And as you started examining the case in front of you, filled with the most delicious looking cakes, pastries and doughnuts you’d ever seen, you thought that surely friends with access to coffee and baked goods were the best friends to have. “What are you thinking, love?” Calum asked, watching your eyes flick between peanut butter brownies and cinnamon rolls.  “I don’t know; everything always looks so good!” You whined. “I think I’m definitely in the mood for something sweet, though.” “I’m right here, baby!” Luke trilled as he placed a steaming cup on the counter, looking very pleased with himself. “Do I need to tell Michael about this flirty behaviour, Luke?” Calum teased. Luke shrugged, completely nonplussed. “If you want. He’s so hot when he gets jealous.” Calum rolled his eyes again as he made his way into the kitchen. “Luke, move your backpack before Ash gets back unless you want to get bollocked!” He called over his shoulder. “Uh oh, too late.” Luke groaned, looking past you through the glass of the shop front, moments before the shop bell sounded out for a third time. You would definitely play it cool and not turn around if it was anyone but Ashton; you swear, this man is actually magnetic. The Hall & Oates’ song coming from the speakers seems to slow down as he comes into your line of sight, like in every movie you’ve ever seen with a leading man half as gorgeous as this one. Ashton was wearing his signature black boots and ripped jeans, with a white tank top and the leather jacket that you were sure would smell just like him; flour, grapefruit, sandalwood and whatever he used to put his hair into any of the styles that drove you so crazy. Today he had that one styled curl falling onto his face, and right now it was soaked and sending a trail of water down to drop from his chiseled jaw.  “You took your time, bread boy.” Calum called from the kitchen, doing Luke a solid of hiding his backpack underneath the furthermost kitchen counter as he did. Ashton huffed out half a laugh, running both hands through his wet hair and bending forward to shake it off as much as he could. “I don’t even only bake bread! Why do you insist on calling me that? Especially in front of my favourite customer.”  Despite knowing that you were currently the only customer in the bakery, your brain immediately began questioning whether or not he was referring to you. Then, he straightened up with his arms high, hands slicking his red hair back, and looked straight at you with unwavering eye contact. “Hey.”  That one word, combined with those eyes and him looking like he was in 2020’s answer to a Whitesnake video dragged your heart straight into your throat.  “Hey.” You echoed, hoping you were imagining the slightly breathless quality to your voice. Ashton’s serious-supermodel face broke into his brightest smile - seemingly just for you - before he began to stride past you to head behind the counter, shrugging his wet jacket off as he went. “I see you’re sorted with a drink; what have you chosen to eat? Or is this a flying visit?” “I was just doing my usual, actually.” You replied, dragging your eyes away from the tattoos on his arms to glance back down at the many glass cases of treats. “Struggling to decide?” Ashton teased lightly, tying his apron strings into a bow at his waist. You giggled, feeling inordinately pleased that he knew exactly what you meant. “Well, my lattices should be cool by now. Cal?” Ashton called into the kitchen, where the sound of stand mixers could now be heard. You hadn’t even noticed Calum leaving the shop to bake in the back. As you realised Luke was also nowhere to be seen, the assistants’ head appeared from the side of the archway. “Calum says he is a very busy man and he thought you had things under control out here.” You frowned slightly, not understanding the inflection the blonde had put on ‘under control’. Must be a private joke; one that made Ashton steadily flush down his neck. “Shut up, Luke! I just want the top tray on the cooling rack by the main pantry, please.” Luke tapped his head with two fingers in an ‘aye aye, Captain’ gesture and momentarily vanished from view. Ashton cleared his throat, directing his words back to you. “I thought you said you were going to try and come by today. I made Cherry & Custard Lattices earlier; you love cherry, right?” You didn’t know what to say, so opted to just stare back at Ashton in surprise until you saw doubt in his eyes. “Yes! I did, say that, and I do - love cherry. You remembered that?” The smile on your face felt like it was spread impossibly wide, over your cheeks and beyond.  “Of course! I’m glad you’re here, actually…” “Here you go!” Luke said, sounding almost gleeful as he put the tray of pastries on the worktop behind Ashton. Normally, you would expect Luke to arrange them in a space in one of the cabinets and carefully handwrite a little sign for them, but not today, apparently. He was already taking strides back to the kitchen to help Calum, throwing you both a look over his shoulder that was definitely cheeky. “Go get ‘em, tiger!” Ashton went so unbelievably red that it made his flush from before look like his natural skin tone. For lack of something to do with yourself in a confusing, slightly awkward situation that you didn’t fully understand, you picked up the coffee Luke had made for you and took a small sip. Ashton took a breath and seemed to steel himself for something. “I’ve got something to ask you.” He cocked his head slightly to one side before taking a slightly wistful tone. “Do you remember the day we met?” *** You looked up at the stark sign above the world’s most appetising window display. ‘Dagger & Snake Bakehouse’. It was a little after your usual lunchtime and you were starving. You’d never been to this place before, but you could see slices of puff pastry topped with everything you could imagine; asparagus, pesto, goats cheese, tomatoes, bacon, mushrooms - all topped with melted cheese, so that was that. You made your way through the glossy black door into the bakery, and were struck by how cool it looked inside. The main walls were exposed brick painted white, covered with a broad range of paintings, posters, sketches, photographs and signs. Black boards covered in white chalk writing detailing baked goods and hot drinks, opening hours and little doodles. Shelves with all manner of trinkets and decorations adorned any parts of the walls that there wasn’t something else. Sleek white tiles covered the floor, counters and the walls leading off to the restrooms and a door marked ‘STAFF ONLY’. There were ferns and succulents dotted around the place, and recycled glass bottles on a few black cafe tables with a single red rose in each. There were cases and displays of every kind of baked good you could imagine at the counter, running along the windows, and high above the worktops behind the counter. Stevie Wonder segued into Fleetwood Mac over the speakers in the corners,audible above the babble of noise of the customers already in the bakery.  A couple at the farthest table were tucking into big slices of two of the most incredible looking cakes you had ever seen in your life. At the till, a girl with a high ponytail and tiny denim shorts was taking a branded pastry box from a tall, skinny-but-somehow-broad guy. Another man with a black hat pulled low on his head brushed his fluffy blonde hair out of his eyes where he sat at one of the tables opposite the counter. He shot the staff member a beaming smile and a thumbs up, then returned his attention to the laptop open on his table. You eagerly made your way forward as the girl with the ponytail began to exit the shop. “Hi! I’m Luke, welcome to Dagger & Snake Bakehouse. What can I get for you?” The worker - Luke - greeted you enthusiastically with a toothy smile. His smile faltered slightly when you asked for an iced coffee to go with your lunch, but before you could think about it, he sprang into action as a second man appeared from an archway beside him, mid laugh. You divert your attention to the newcomer and your heart skips way more than a beat. He was, without question, the most beautiful human you had ever seen in your life. He was tall - though not as tall as Luke, but twice as broad. The muscles in his arms bulged through his t-shirt, and you could see tattoos on his arms and wrists. His hair was in a perfect quiff, and the brightest shade of red you could imagine. You noticed what appeared to be flour speckled across the top of it, and melted slightly more. His face was a set of perfect, sharp angles contrasting with the soft dimples in his cheeks as he laughed. You had never been so aware of every molecule of your own body. You felt tingly and numb and on high alert all at once. The urge to lick your lips was suddenly overwhelming. “How are you getting on, Luke? Did I hear an iced coffee order over Calum’s shenanigans back there?” His voice was like hearing a song on the radio that you haven’t heard in ages but always loved. Luke shook his head and played it cool, whilst the love of your life turned to you with a warm smile. “It’s Luke’s first day! Go easy on him. How is he doing?”  “Ashton! I know exactly what I am doing!” Luke sniffed, opening a cabinet door that turns out to be a freezer drawer and scooping ice with confidence. Ashton giggled again and held his hands up in surrender, shooting you another smile before heading around Luke and out onto the bakery floor. You unconsciously followed him with your eyes, across the room to the window cabinets where he began making adjustments to the display. He had to bend and lean to reach the very front, and after allowing yourself a few seconds to stare at his ass in tight, black jeans, you came to your senses and reluctantly diverted your eyes back to the counter. Luke leant conspiratorially towards the counter and you unconsciously mirrored his movement before he began to whisper to you. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I have no idea what I’m doing.” He laughed as he straightened back up and steadied the coffee cup in his hand before continuing in an airy, cheerful voice. “I almost never do!” “I’m sure it’ll be great, don’t worry!” You reassured, casting an eye over the blender Luke was working with now. You were sure it would be. Probably. Your eyes traced the white printed branding that adorned the apron on Luke’s chest; a traditional tattoo style dagger and snake.  “Why Dagger & Snake?” “Oh, that’s a question for one of the bossmen! Ashton!” Luke called across the shop. “Yeah?” You jumped at the voice that came from right behind you, spinning around and coming face to face with Ashton wiping his hands on his apron. “Sorry!” Ashton apologised. “I didn’t mean to scare you!” A soft, genuine smile played on his lips as you took in just how hazel his eyes were. You felt like you’d just walked up a flight of 200 stairs. “The lady would like to know why you and Cal named this place Dagger & Snake Bakehouse. Oh, balls.” Something hit the floor behind you, but you paid it no mind as Ashton’s face lit up. “They go together, to mean a bunch of stuff, right? Kept seeing them at tattoo shops, together. They can symbolise healing, the Roman god of luck, good vs evil; loads of cool stuff. But always together; that’s me and Cal - Calum, my best friend, we own this place, 50/50. He got the dagger, I got the snake. Brothers, forever.” Ashton talked with such conviction, and pulled his t-shirt sleeve with enthusiasm as he held his arm out to you, showing you a stark black tattoo of a snake. “That’s so sweet.” You breathed out, without really thinking about it. He looked at you like he hadn’t expected that adjective, but like he was turning it over in his mind. “And cool!” you added, nodding slightly. “You think so?” Ashton smiled, pulling his sleeve back down, looking quietly pleased. You let a few seconds tick by in silence, looking into his eyes to see what you could see. It looked like the whole world. “Yeah, I do.”

***

“Um...I think so, yes.” You thought you were just about straddling the line between casual and so-nervous-you-could-honestly-throw-up-a-little. “I wanted to ask you this that day, but I thought I’d sound so creepy, and unprofessional, and I didn’t want you to think I was a freak, or that I did this all the time, but-” Unless you were projecting, Ashton looked as nervous as you felt. “Ashton, point! Get there!” Luke yelled gleefully from the kitchen, followed immediately by a sound that you were fairly certain was Calum smacking him upside the head. The yelp of ‘Ow!’ that followed it seemed to confirm your suspicions.  Ashton faltered slightly, looking embarrassed and mumbling something about ‘idiot’ and ‘fired’. “Ashton.” You reached out your hand and placed it on his where he was nervously drumming on the counter again before you even thought about it. You weren’t sure which of you was more surprised at your involuntary action.  Ashton raised his eyes back to you, peering at you with hope in his hazel eyes.“You think I could get your number? Take you out sometime?” You allowed yourself to smile, widely, genuinely, as you knew just how to answer. “Yeah, I do.” *** masterlist for the 5sos ficwriters collab  • my masterlist

[sirtommyholland]

Soo... We built a TARDIS! || tom holland x female!reader

A/N: Inspiration strikes from weird places. For me it was a random video that showed up in my recommendations. I can’t put the link here since it messes up the tags apparently, but I’ll put it in the comments!

This takes place a few months into quarantine so they can actually have 3 months to build a whole actual TARDIS.

Summary: You and Tom get bored in quarantine and decide to build a TARDIS, because, why not?

Warning: A brief mention of ‘being stuck at home’. I added the warning thinking there might be some people having a hard time with this whole isolation thing and not wanting to read about it. 

Word Count: 1.8k

*tomholland2013 just started a live stream. Watch it before it ends!*

“Hi guys!” we see Tom sitting on a couch in his living room, in a loose t-shirt and hair messy.  He makes small talk for a while as he waits for more people to join, then he gets up and starts walking towards the garden door. “Soo it’s a beautiful summer day outside, sun is shining, and I wanted to take you on a little tour of our garden.” He flips the camera around after fumbling for a bit, and the view turns to his garden. “So over here you see our chicken coop. Predator is chillin’ in there, the other two are wandering around. And over here we have some pretty flowers that my even prettier girlfriend planted. And then - OH MY GOD GUYS! WHAT IS THAT?!” He suddenly turns his phone towards the other side of the garden in a quick motion, and comes into view… a life sized TARDIS?

“Woaahh!” he says feigning shock. “T- T- The TARDIS??!” He starts walking towards the blue police box, narrating at the same time. “Guys this is crazy there’s a TARDIS in my garden!” As he gets closer to the box, the door suddenly opens to reveal a young woman, sticking her arm outside and pointing a sonic screwdriver towars the camera.

“Don’t you dare come any closer you-“ she starts with a harsh tone “you- youuu…” she stumbles, not being able to find a word, and starts laughing, we can hear Tom laughing behind the camera too as he also breaks character.

“Sooo..” he starts, flipping the camera to front view and walking towards his girlfriend, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to bring her into frame, both of them smiling at the camera, the police box in the background. “We built a TARDIS!”

3 months earlier

You and Tom were cuddling on your shared bed, catching up on some Doctor Who. While being stuck at home wasn’t ideal, you were trying to make the best of it by spending at least a couple of hours a day together, just the two of you, making up for the times he was away for shooting. After dinner you had a few beers with the guys downstairs, then went back to your room for TV, cuddles, and more beer. You were on your third episode when Tom suddenly lifted his head from the pillows to look at you.

“We should build our own TARDIS.” He stated.

“Yeah, definetely.” You answered in a plain voice, thinking he was joking.

“No, I’m serious.” He continued. “We are stuck at home with nothing to do, I know some carpentry, and the guys would help. It would be fun for all of us.”

Maybe it was because you were both a little beyond tipsy, bit it seemed more and more a like a good idea as he kept on talking.

“Yeah, you are right.” You said after he finished talking and looked at you expectantly. “We should definetely build a TARDIS.”

———-

The next morning , when you were having breakfast with Tom, he lifted his head from his plate and looked at you.

“Can you believe we actually decided to build a TARDIS last night? We get crazy when we’re drunk.” He said, laughing a bit.

“I know right?” you said immediately. “Like, did we really think we could actually build a real, life sized TARDIS on our own? And for what, just to stand in some corner of the garden with no real purpose?”

You both laughed a little nervously with your heads down, then stopped when you looked at each other.

“We should do it.” You both said at the same time.

“Oh thank God!” he started laughing. “I was afraid you actually didn’t want to do it!”

“How could I not when it’s the best idea we’ve ever had!” you exclaimed, laughing along with him as you high fived.

It was gonna be a long few months.

———-

You ordered lots of wood to begin with, watching lots and lots of tutorials and videos when you waited for them to arrive. Apparently, a lot of people had the wonderful idea of building a TARDIS.  While Tom sat at the living room table with a bunch of papers, making calculations for measurements, you were documenting the whole thing with your camera.

“So Tommy the carpenter is here double checking the measurements” you explained off view as the camera showed Tom leaning over the papers, making him lift his his head to see the camera and give a huge smile with a wave.

“You know this would go faster if you helped too, right?” he teased.

“I could help, but you look really attractive right now, doing calculations and stuff, and I wanna enjoy the view longer.” You replied cheekily, making him smile.

“Well, why don’t you come over here and enjoy it closer?” he said, pushing his chair back and patting his legs.

You comply and sit on his lap sideways, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to be more comfortable, the other hand still holding the camera. You make a move to stop recording and put it on the table but Tom stops you, instead holding the camera towards the two of you and flipping the screen so you could see yourselves.

“What are we doing?” you ask him as you lean your cheek against his, looking at yourself at the tiny screen.

“Admiring the view.” He answers, smiling. He doesn’t look away from the camera as he slightly turns his head to kiss you on your cheek, making you smile. He tears his eyes from the camera as he fully turns to you, kissing you repeteadly on your face, moving his lips slightly with every kiss, making you close your eyes in bliss. He has arrived to the corner of your lips and placed a few kisses there when you turn your head and meet his lips. He kisses you slowly, gently, with no rush, making you feel the tingles all the way to your toes.

You pull away after a minute, resting your forehead against his after a final little peck.

“So are gonna put this in the video?” you ask, still smiling.

“Nope.” He answers, as he kisses the corner of your lips again. “This goes into our own archive.”

———-

It was a long and tiring process after the supplies arrived, but also the most fun you had with the boys. Harrison and Tuwaine were mostly observing and making comments as they watched you from the comfort of their chairs, and recording everything as you were helping Tom.

Tom was handling the most of the things, planning what goes where and marking the boards for the places to cut. And you and Harry helped with the cutting after he made the marks. Also, if you had to add, Tom was very shirtless at this point, and you had been staring at him for so long that you almost cut yourself with the mini electric saw you were holding.

“Hey Y/N!” Harrison yelled from his seat, holding the camera. “Stop ogling your boyfriend before you lose a few fingers! Or a hand!”

“I can ogle my boyfriend as long as I want to, Osterfield!” You yelled back, making Tom lean over to give you a little kiss, and making Harry mutter an “ew” under his breath.

———-

When the cutting process was over, you started the painting. Tom was currently recording you as you were painting one of the panels that was leaning against the fence.

“Soo we’re doing the painting right now as you can see.” He narrated. “Harrison decided to get off his arse and actually help for once.” He continued talking, pointing the camera towards his best friend.

“I have been cooking for you for weeks since you guys are so tired all the time!” 

———-

After the paints were dry and you were satisfied with the tone, all that was left to was assembling the whole thing. You decided to build it in a way that you could disassemble it and carry it anywhere in the house. So after assembling and hanging up the police box signs, and turning on the light, it was finally done! Your own TARDIS that had no other purpose other than sitting in your garden and looking pretty. Three months well spent, you would say.

“I’m gonna post this on Instagram.” Tom said as you stood next to each other in the garden, admiring the result of your work.

“You should post it on every website available.” You said, still in awe that you currently had an actual, life sized TARDIS sitting in your garden.

“Okay, I have an idea.” Tom said turning to you. “I’ll start a live stream, you’ll be hiding inside, I’ll just come out to the garden showing them the flowers or something. And then I’ll turn around and go like ‘Oh my God guys there is a TARDIS in my garden what the fuck?!’ and then you’ll jump out saying ‘SURPRISEEE!’ ”

“Ooor,” you said, thinking about the sonic screwdriver toy you had in your room. “I could be the Doctor.”

“You would be hot as the Doctor.” He says, leaning in to kiss you, making you wrap your arms around his neck as you kiss him back.

———-

“We built a TARDIS!” you said at the same time, you giving a thumbs up at the camera. The comments were rolling so fast that you couldn’t read any of them.

“I think you just broke the internet again.” You said, making him laugh. He flips the camera around to walk around the TARDIS, showing some details and saying that he was gonna post a video of the whole process later.

“So should we give a tour of the inside, m’love?” he says, turning at you.

“Of course.” You answer, and go over the door to open it with a flourish. “Ta-daaa!” you exclaim, holding out an arm as if you were welcoming him inside.

“Aaand that’s it.” He says as he shows the inside of the box, which is, for a fact, not bigger on the inside but just a tiny space.

“We’re thinking of covering all the walls with pictures and kinda turn this into a memory box.” You explain.

“Yeah, and we’ll sometimes put it in random places in the house, so like one of the guys could walk into his room and suddenly find a TARDIS in the middle of it.” Tom continues, making you gape at him, still not having a filter after everything he’s done for years.

“Tom, stop spoiling our pranks!”  

A/N: Sorry for the weird ending, just didn’t know how to wrap it up. Please give it a like/reblog if you enjoyed it! Also, the GIF isn’t mine.

MASTERLIST

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Beantown Bailout Job

leverage 2.01

(see link for a video on this episode that captured literally all of my reactions and will undoubtedly capture yours too)

Manager: You found that stolen Monet in Florence, saved your company a $25 million payout. That identity-theft case, you saved $15 million.

+

nate sees .00005 seconds of normal life and yeets the hell out

- - - - -

(The lobby is teaming with people when Nate walks in. A sign shows that Sophie is starring in The Sound of Music. He sees Parker at the ticket counter)

Parker: Picking up for one.

Ticket Agent: Last name?

Parker: Parker.

Ticket Agent: First name?

Parker: No. Just one name.

Ticket Agent: Great. I hope you enjoy it.

(Parker turns to see Nate across the room and smiles)

Hardison: Parker?

(Parker looks to her right to see Hardison. The sound of Eliot’s laughter from across the lobby draws Hardison’s attention)

Eliot (to women): All right. After the show, then. I'll see you.

(Eliot turns and sees the others. The all meet in the center of the lobby)

Nate: Eliot.

Parker: Nate.

Hardison: Parker.

Eliot: Hardison.

Eliot: So, how have you...

Nate: Good. Good. Great. You?

Eliot: Fantastic. Six months of traveling. Did a couple of big jobs.

Hardison: eah. Me, too. Great off time. Well, I bought an oxygen tank. Cool, nice.

Parker: Yeah, super. I've been really super, too.

Nate: Yeah, she didn't tell me that you guys would..

this is that dinner scene from shrek 2 right???

also, parker’s lil smile when she sees nate, hardison’s big smile when he sees parker + hardison says parker and eliot says hardison = ot3 acknowledging each other

- - - - -

Hardison: I didn't know you could sing.

Sophie: You know. Not as well as I act, but, yeah.

Hardison: Oh

- - - - -

Sophie: Uhhgh…

Hardison: Yeah, you know, I'm sure the reviews will be...

(Sophie hands Hardison her phone)

Hardison: …on the news website already.

Parker (grabs the phone): Really? Wow. "Never before has a production of 'The Sound Of Music' made me root for the Nazis. (Hardison gestures something like ‘WHY’ to Parker and she gestures something like ‘JDJSJSJ SORRY’ back)

POOR SOPHIE LMFAO

- - - - -

Sophie: No. No, no, no. Stop it. There is nothing you can say that's gonna make me feel better.

Parker: I know what could make you feel better. We should steal something.

Nate: No, no.

Sophie: Yes! We could do it together.

Eliot: I like this. Get right back up on the bike.

Parker: Bike of crime.

Nate: Didn't you earlier tell me how great your new lives were?

Parker: Yeah, well, I stole the Hope Diamond.

Nate: What?

Parker: (Everyone looks surprised. Eliot looks like he is going to say something.) And then I put it back. Yeah, 'cause I was bored. Didn't care.

Hardison: I spent three days hacking the white house e-mail. No buzz.

Nate: See?

Hardison: But we are doing some pretty hinky stuff in Pakistan. Hinky.

Sophie: Look, I'm miserable. They're miserable. (to Eliot) Okay, what have you been doing the last six months?

Eliot: I was in Pakistan. (Parker grins)

Hardison: You see what you did? You took the world's best criminals, hitter, hacker, grifter, thief, you took us, and you broke us.

Nate: No, no. I-I, what I did, I taught you how to help people. That's all.

Parker: Exactly.

Sophie: Yeah.

Eliot: This is the problem, with being the good guy. It gets under your skin.

Sophie: Look, Nate. You have to have some poor, little lost soul somewhere who needs a little extra-legal aid.

Nate: Look, we all agreed that we'd just move on.

Sophie: Yeah, but we're... We're thieves.

Nate: Not me. Look, it was great. It was fun. It was wonderful while it lasted, but I was drunk most of the time, to be honest with you. And I… A little crazy.

Eliot: Yeah, but you were good.

Parker: You were the best.

Hardison: We were the best.

Parker: Yeah.

Nate: Listen, really, I owe all of you. And I'm very proud of what we did. I-I really am. But I got my life back, and I intend to keep it that way. And I am not a thief. (stands up) It was great to see all of you. Good night. (leaves)

BIKE OF CRIME + also bruh let them have their found family, nate

- - - - -

(Nate enters the dim room and looks around. Behind him, the Thug opens the door and comes at him with a knife. Nate sees the reflection in a pot lid and turns to block the blow. Sophie comes in behind the Thug)

Sophie: Oi! Does your mother sew? (headbutts Thug) Stitch that.

(Thug runs out of the condo. Nate runs out after him, but Thug gets away. As he reenters the condo, Sophie hits him in the head with a cookie sheet and Nate falls to the floor)

Sophie: Ah! Bugger

she tried, your honor + her tough talk and then AH BUGGER

- - - - -

(the next morning, Nate wakes up on the couch to the sound of Parker eating. Parker is wearing a Nun’s habit, smiles and moves away. Sophie comes downstairs wearing Nate’s shirt)

Nate: That's my shirt.

Sophie: Yeah. I stayed the night to make sure you were okay. You what? But don't worry. I didn't look under your bed. I know that's where guys keep weird, kinky stuff.

Nate: There's nothing under my bed.

Parker (opens cupboard): This is all coffee.

Nate: Get out of there! (sees Hardison and Eliot at the table) What are you guys doing? (gets up) Come on, get out of here. Get all this stuff out of here. You're planning something. I know it. Come on. Get out of my house.

...

Hardison: Look, nobody else is gonna help that guy and his little girl. Okay, that's what we do. We help people. By the way, I compared Sophie's description of your attacker to the accident footage from the security camera.

(Hardison pushes a few buttons on the laptop and zooms in on the Thug’s face to begin a facial recognition search through various cameras in the area)

Hardison: Do you realize, on average, people are caught on security cameras 13 times a day? ATM cameras, traffic cameras. It's crazy, man, but we can track him. We can. Well, I lost him in this.

Eliot: Yeah, well, I found this empty briefcase belonging to a Matt Kerrigan at that intersection.

...

Eliot: Yeah, well, the problem is, these two cats went down to the safety deposit boxes.

Parker: Which is the only room in every bank, with absolutely no cameras.

Hardison: Which means we up, baby. (puts on a priest’s collar) They tried to kill Kerrigan for what was in the briefcase. We're gonna steal it back.

Eliot (laughs): She was dressed that way 'cause she's doing a con.

Nate: What, you thought she was dressed like a nun for no reason?

Eliot: It's Parker.

...

(Nate walks away)

Sophie (to Eliot): So, you going?

Eliot: I'm not going anywhere. The man has 700 sports channels.

Sophie: You want to see what he's got under his bed?

Eliot: N-no, I do not.

Sophie: Icky

- - - - -

(Parker opens her Bible to reveal a lock duplication kit with a depression in the plastic of the master key)

[Flashback]

(Parker takes the key from the Bank Manager’s pocket as Hardison talks, pressing the key into the form before replacing it into the Bank Manager’s pocket)

Hardison: And the children... The children thank you. They will send you a card just as soon as we buy them tiny pencils. And teach them how to spell. It's a two-step process, you see.

[Bank Vault]

Parker: Superglue and a heat-activated polymer to set it. Seven seconds, instant plastic key. (hands Hardison the Bible) Shake it.

Hardison: What?

Parker: Shake the bible.

Hardison: This is even more wrong.

(Hardison: takes the Bible and begins shaking it while Parker picks box 5076)

they’re so competent ugh

- - - - -

Hardison: I did look for you. For six months.

HE LOOKED FOR HER FOR SIX MONTHS

- - - - -

Parker: I think people are like locks. Really complicated and frustrating. But you can't force them. You have to take time and be fiddly.

Hardison: Fiddly?

Parker: You learn to be patient, and just wait until you hear the...

(the lock opens and the door swings wide)

- - - - -

(Hardison is sitting on the couch going through some paperwork and working on a laptop. Several boards have been set up with information about the case)

Nate: Now, this is not "gone." This is "more."

Hardison: Yeah, I, uh, I scanned the documents in Leary's box, but I wanted to print out a few pages.

Nate: I asked—I asked Eliot to get rid of this stuff. Now there's more stuff.

Hardison: Did you? Oh, we-we crossed, but didn't see each other. He didn't tell me.

Nate: Oh, that's how you're gonna play this?

Hardison: Oh, man. Look... (stands up and sniffs)

Nate: What?

Hardison: Is that... What is that aroma? That's that apple shampoo that's open.

Nate: You've been up in my shower, rummaging around?

Hardison: Man's in a strange bathroom, he's got a lot of time to kill... Nate, Nate, Nat-

I CANNOT

- - - - -

Nate: Grew up in the same neighborhood. The O'Hares are mobbed up. These are all mob businesses you're talking about here.

Hardison: Mob?

Nate: Where's Eliot?

Hardison: Oops.

Nate: What?

[Warehouse]

(Eliot is going through boxes when his phone rings. He answers)

Eliot: Yeah, Hardison. This is the third place I checked. It's all the same. What do you mean mob?

Thug: Hey!

(three men approach, one of them the Thug, who has his nose bandaged and is carrying a baseball bat)

Eliot: Oh, that mob. (hangs up)

hardison’s “whoops” followed by I HAVE TO WARN MY BOYFRIEND + in this episode we have eliot using a baseball bat as a weapon which is yet another piece in the continuation of eliot using things as weapons that are not supposed to be used as weapons

+ he apologizes to the guy that just had a nose job for beating him up and punching him in the nose he’s baby

- - - - -

(Nate opens the refrigerator to find it full of Hardison’s orange soda)

Nate: Seriously?

(Nate turns to see the island covered in food and dishes)

Nate: You know, guys, there is a dishwasher here.

Eliot: You're out of ice.

he literally can’t get rid of them + also I WONDER whose orange soda that is

- - - - -

parker robot dancing in the 80s jacket and looking DIRECTLY at eliot lmfao

- - - - -

Nate: What? Sophie, how do you catch mob guys?

Sophie: Ah, two glasses of Chianti and a story about my grandma in Sicily

- - - - -

Nate: Well, yeah. I mean, if you have a body in the trunk of your car, you're gonna drive under the speed limit, aren't you?

Parker: You know, when you're sober, your metaphors get creepier

- - - - -

eliot and parker sitting next to each other? cute

- - - - -

Hardison: Mr. Leary, I'm Detective Costello, with the Massachusetts State Police. This is Detective Costigan. I believe you met with our chief, Lieutenant Bonanno

more aliases to keep track of

- - - - -

Parker: We're investigating your colleague Matt Kerrigan's (air quotes) "car accident."

Leary: So you don't think it was an accident?

Hardison: Of course not. She did the finger thing. You got that. Everybody gets that.

Parker: Did I do it right?

Hardison: No. No. This guy just... (pulls picture from his pocket)

~ a few moments later ~

Parker: I did it right, didn't I?

Hardison: It was perfect.

Parker: I knew I did it right.

Hardison: It was beautiful execution. Absolutely.

Parker: Just like you taught me. I did it. (she smiles brightly)

Hardison: Yeah. Yeah, you did it. I like it. Yeah. (gives her a thumbs up)

SHES LEARNING IM SO PROUD OF HER

- - - - -

Eliot: Hey, this detonator - If I'm around the corner, is it still gonna be in range?

Hardison: Should be. I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. Sometimes the things just go off.

Eliot: Whoa, whoa, wait. Hey. I thought you said this thing was safe.

Hardison: Mostly. Mostly safe. I was very specific. Sometimes the frequencies get messed up.

Eliot: What frequencies, man? Huh? I got these things in my pants.

Hardison: Like, you know, a garage-door opener, a car alarm.

(a car alarm chirps then goes off, making Eliot jump. He moves away angrily)

Parker: What are the odds that Eliot's crotch will actually explode?

Eliot: Damn it, Hardison! (stalks off)

chaotic ot3

- - - - -

Sophie (shows passport): Annie Kroy.

O’Hare (grabs passport): Name's familiar.

Sophie: My family does business in North London with Terry Adams, and a couple of other organizations. We handle the money.

Nate (getting up): Yeah, see, what they do is they clean the money.

some people think that annie kroy is sophie’s true identity. I think, if anything, it would be her duchess alias but can you IMAGINE mob child sophie??? also, hi. im jackie and I wholeheartedly believe annie kroy has killed a man.

- - - - -

(Eliot is parked outside of the bank when Leary comes out, looking at files. Eliot hits a remote and the sound of gunfire fills the street as the squibs go off. People scream and Leary dives for cover. Eliot laughs and closes his window.)

chaotic eliot

- - - - -

Leary: And for that, the government hunts them down like dogs. People like me, we took billions from the banks. Billions. And what did the government do when they finally caught us? They wrote us a giant check and begged us to make it all better.

that’s disturbing

- - - - -

(Parker uses a taser on O’Hare and Hardison pulls up a recorder)

I think that was the first time parker tasered someone and we love to see it

- - - - -

Nate: So, how did you do it?

Eliot (gets up): Detonator, (holds up remote, reaches into his shirt and pulls out ketchup wrapper) ketchup.

Nate: Ah, the classics.

Sophie: Oh (hops happily), I love a good death scene

- - - - -

parker in a nun costume smelling money and saying “ahhhh” is certainly a mood

- - - - -

Leary: I was tricked. I was tricked. It wasn't me, you understand?

Bonanno: Somebody tricked you into bringing a briefcase full of evidence of your own crimes straight to the police? Come on, Mr. Leary. Nobody's that smart. Get him out of here

THEY ARE T H A T SMART

- - - - -

Zoe: Thank you. There are wolves in the world. But sometimes they're the good guys, I guess.

I didn’t like that whole metaphor because it felt kinda cliche but whatever, they ARE the good guys

+ bruh why is hardison wearing glasses??? him and eliot will sometimes wear them and honestly I don’t know who actually needs them and for what at this point ???

- - - - -

(Nate enters the condo to find that Hardison has installed five of six large monitors on the wall and is working on the last one)

Nate: Whoa, whoa. What are you doing there?

Hardison: I'm running this cat 5 cable to the--

Nate: Oh, no, no, no, no. You don't understand. No, I don't want to have these monitors in my apartment. No.

(Parker opens the door and walks in carrying a large painting)

Parker: Coming through!

Nate: No, these must go. What? No! Parker, no! Not that paint--I don't ever want to see that painting.

Parker: (shaking the painting as she talks in a funny voice) “Hi, I'm old Nate, and I live here, too."

Nate: You can't just break in here and start hanging--

Hardison: Oh, yeah, yeah. For repairs or renovation, your landlord has full access to your dwelling. It's in the lease.

Nate: What are you doing reading my lease?

Hardison: I bought the building.

Nate: You bought the... You're my landlord?

Hardison: Yeah. (holds his hand out for a fistbump) Yeah.

(Nate looks away, then hears the sound of a chain saw. He turns to see the end of a chain saw come through the wall)

Nate: No, no! No! No!

(Part of the wall falls to reveal Eliot holding the chainsaw and grinning. Nate coughs and both Parker and Hardison put their arms around him)

CHAOTIC OT3 + THEIR TIRED DAD

[thelaurenshippen]

oh hey, here’s a playlist from 2017 that I realized wasn’t on my website with the rest of them and that I totally wasn’t thinking about because there’s actually a part two that has never seen the light of day that may or may not be incoming

notes on my website and also under the cut

As I write, I like to build playlists for all my characters and, occasionally, will make playlists as a character as well. These playlists are part of my writing process and I take them far more seriously than anyone should. Sometimes the playlists come together instantly and effortlessly and sometimes I play around with them for months. As such, there are a fair number of cast-offs that never make it onto the final, official playlist. That's what this playlist is.

So here we are: all the songs that nearly made it on to the character playlists but got cut for various reasons. Those reasons tend to fall into one of a few categories:

There wasn’t space / another song was serving a similar purpose

The song was right for the character but not right for the character at the beginning of their story (which is what most of the playlists are)

The mood/genre/tempo of the song was out of place in the playlist

I discovered the song after the playlists had been put together.

All my playlists are very specifically ordered, so adding or removing songs after their publication is more or less impossible. Instead, I would throw songs into this B-Side playlist as they appeared, meaning that, unlike most of my playlists, the order here is random (aka this playlist has NO flow). Here is a list of where they would have gone had they made the final cut. The characters are listed above the tracks, with a link to the playlist in question.

A/N, 2020: These are the B-Sides specifically from pre-Season 4. Back in August of 2017, I  did a sticker giveaway to see what folks would guess about which songs were for which characters - these annotations were published after that giveaway and thus, there's some reference to how people guessed!

WADSWORTH 

1. “Heavy Metal Lover” - Lady Gaga

This is a Wadsworth song through and through in terms of style and swagger. There just wasn’t space for it.

But would you love me if I ruled the world

DAMIEN 

2. “Reaper Man” - Mother Mother

This is a song that was recommended to me as a Damien song by tumblr user kalgalen and I am actively mad that I didn’t know this song before making Damien’s playlist. The style, the lyrics - everything about this song is Damien. And it actually fits perfectly after the opening track but by the time I was made aware of it, it was too late.

Oh yeah, I’m an ugly mess/not in the face, but in the head - regardless of how attractive Damien is, this is something he thinks. God, what an edgelord line this is.

Oh yeah, I got no choice/got no choice/but to love myself - I mean, it’s just all there.

A/N, 2020: this song eventually made its way onto a playlist -  my playlist for A Neon Darkness, Damien's book.

CHLOE 

3. “Her Morning Elegance” - Oren Lavie

I love that this song really conjures a visceral image to your brain - it paints such a vivid picture. It’s delicate, but determined. I think Chloe sometimes moves through her world separate and observing and that’s what this song is.

There’s also an amazing music video that I think Chloe would watch over and over again.

I got a lot of submissions guessing that this was a song for Sam and I really see that too. It fits well with the aesthetic of her playlist and the theme of fighting for your life everyday definitely resonates with Sam, as does the “Nobody knows” lyric. But the lyrics are also about being out in the world, which is something Sam doesn’t do but Chloe wants to continue to do desperately, despite her ability making it difficult.  

CALEB/ADAM 

4. “Blue and Yellow” - The Used

This was a song suggested by my sister for Caleb and Adam because of the colors involved and also because The Used was a band we both listened to a lot when we were emo teenagers like Adam. Ultimately, this song feels very dated as early emo and didn’t quite fit musically on any of their mixes, either in-universe or not.

And it’s all in how you mix the two/and it starts just where the light exists/it’s a feeling that you cannot miss/and it burns a hole/through everyone that feels it

5. “Stupid for You” - Waterparks

This is another song that was recommended to me, this time by a tumblr user and it is absolutely perfect. I didn’t even realize that there was pop punk being made like this anymore, so I was delighted.

You’re yellow, I’m natural blue/let’s get together and be green like my insides - I mean??? Couldn’t have said it better myself

Also, the refrain of “stupid for you” fits perfectly with the “I’m the guy who’s been so stupid about you that it broke my fucking super power!” I mean, I clearly ghostwrote this song.

ISO: the tumblr user who suggested this song. I have scoured both of my blogs to find the ask to no avail so if it was you, please raise your hand.

Both of these songs would go on a Caleb/Adam ship mix if such a thing existed. But in fact, both their mixes are in-universe and, while one of them might put this on a mix now, it would have been way too vulnerable of a thing to put on one of those earlier playlists. I've linked to their second in-universe mix - the quite lovey one that Adam makes for Caleb.

MARK 

6. “Time Machine" - Robyn

This definitely felt a little too on the nose for Mark, so I went with “Hang With Me” instead. But Mark loves Robyn and would love the DeLorean reference in this so it was very tempting. It’s also a song all about making impulsive decisions, which Mark definitely does a lot, but in classic Robyn style, it’s such a bop despite the serious lyrics. That balance fits Mark perfectly.

7. “F U” - Miley Cyrus

I know this song is about someone cheating, but it is such a good angry-fuck-you song that I can’t help but think of it in the context of Mark’s feelings towards Wadsworth. Having missed the heyday of pop borrowing from dubstep and the increasing use of internet slang, I think Mark would have gotten out of The AM and fallen hard for this song. I imagine many an afternoon before Joan gets home from work just angry dancing around the living room singing along to this.

SAM/MARK 

8. “Someone to Fall Back On” - Jason Robert Brown

This is 100% Sam singing to Mark about being his knight in shining armor. Sam is hard on herself - doesn’t realize her own strength - so the self-deprecating lyrics really work for her. It didn’t make it on the playlist because it felt like it was a little further down the line in their relationship - somewhere around Episode 40.

I’ll take your side/if I’m the only one/I’m used to that/I’ve been alone/I’d rather be/the half of us/the least of you/the best of me

I got a lot of guesses for Frank on this one, which completely fits. He’s quite a bit more confident in his abilities than Sam - if he thinks he can be your knight, he’ll say so right from the get-go.

9. “Can’t Get Started With You” - Ella Fitzgerald

This is pretty self-explanatory. It didn’t fit with the very particular structure that I created for the Sam/Mark playlist and it also felt like a later stage of their relationship. That playlist was them falling in love and wanting to be in the same time; this song is getting close to that but then getting pulled apart again, first by Damien and then by the difficult realties of actually trying to have a relationship. If the previous track is end of Season 3 for them, this is a Season 4 song.

A/N, 2020: it certainly is a Season 4 song, because it actually ended up going on their Season 4 playlist.

DAMIEN/MARK 

10. “Elvis Ain’t Dead” - Scouting for Girls

So…this is a reject from an as of yet published playlist. I know - not fair. Think of this as the free square on a bingo sheet. In the course of writing Season 3, I was motivated to make a playlist for a relationship that was becoming increasingly interesting to write. While this playlist could certainly be seen as a ship playlist, I have no intentions to ever put these characters together in a real way, but their dynamic was so compelling that I wanted to explore it. I will eventually release the playlist because it’s one of the best I’ve made, but I didn’t want it influencing anyone’s reaction to the end of Season 3. Loose lips sink ships.

I wish it was me you chose/Elvis ain’t dead/and you’re coming back

Okay, okay, I won’t leave you hanging because a few people actually guessed this one right - it’s from a Damien/Mark playlist. This is actually one of three unpublished Damien mixes - for whatever reason, music is the fastest and easiest way for me to connect to him. He really brings out the playlist-making skills in me.

A lot of people guessed that this was Agent Green which I absolutely love. Poor Owen.

A/N, 2020: I didn't link to the playlist originally, but it exists now! To this day, I think it's some of my best work.

ROSE 

11. “Carolina” - Harry Styles

This was mostly rejected because I felt stupid having two songs called “Carolina” on one mix and Sara Bareilles trumps Harry Styles (as much as I love him). But in style and content, this really feels like a Rose song.

[pkgam]

What Happened to Twitch?

Twitch used to be a pretty good website. I had really high hopes that it would be a competitor to Youtube. It is a live stream platform that was ahead of Youtube as Youtube took a while to do live stuff. It has videos as well such as of past streams or people streaming videos they made for viewing later, viewer interaction features, solid streamers, no audible magic, good mods/staff, etc... Now the issues with the site are virtually endless. Let me give you a rundown of various things I have experienced and I have heard others experiencing which you may or may not have experienced because it’s as if that issues are not even account-specific.

Lately when logging in, every time, they prompt be to get a 6-digit code from my Email to continue to login because they “don’t recognize” my device. Yeah, you know how on every other website that has verification things like this, it’ll keep track of what devices you logged in from so you don’t have to keep verifying? No matter what, it doesn’t do that for me and a bunch of others. It seems to work fine for others though. So it’s user-specific. I have even tried logging in from one PC, then logging into another off the same internet while STILL being logged in to that PC and it’ll ask me to verify on both. It should at least be able to tell it’s from the same IP, but nope.

Try reporting the glitches and problems to Twitch as well. You’ll get nowhere. A recent experience I had with them was I tried to resolve that 6-digit verification thing for months. I explain it, get what looks like a generic copy/paste or automated response that does not address the issue, I respond back saying that wasn’t it and explain it again, then get NO response back, but do get a response back with a survey on how they did. Needless to say I was not satisfied and explained it in a civil way. No response back from them for that either. They used to handle stuff like that so well way back. Like, I remember when The Speed Gamers migrated from Ustream back to Twitch that they were having layout trouble during one of their charity streams in that what they wanted to incorporate on their page couldn’t be done, so they messaged Twitch staff about it and they tweaked the page so they could. Stuff like that was amazing! I don’t see things like that happen anymore.

When finally being able to log in, I’ve noticed that oftentimes my status is set to “offline” when I always have it set to “online”. Alternately I have seen friend’s statuses going to idle despite them being active on the site. So that status part of the site is entirely borked.  Moving on to other topics...

I think users knew when they implemented Audible Magic (basically Content ID for Twitch, automatically hitting videos) and played it off as a benefit to streamers so they can remove copyrighted music in their videos that it was going to go downhill. Remember that a lot of people went from Youtube to Twitch (Or Justin.tv) BECAUSE they were tired of Youtube’s horrible automated systems. Add automation in the mix and, well... it indeed went downhill.

Twitch is clearly inconsistent in their moderation now too. There was this one girl who frustratedly threw her cat behind her on stream and nothing came of it. But on the other hand, there was a girl who got banned for apparent dog yelps off camera with her being there, stating the ban was for animal abuse. Story: https://www.dexerto.com/entertainment/twitch-streamer-furious-over-animal-abuse-ban-amid-alinity-controversy-1296710 Many’ more examples like that out there on various topics.

Also, ever since they implemented automatic moderation of words in chat, there has been a ridiculous amount of people punished for innocent things (you can briefly read what they post before it gets removed from view or use a browser extension to reveal them) because it can’t tell context. At least streamers can turn that off, but it was set to on by default which caused a lot of issues. Still’ does when people have it on as not everyone turned it off.

Streams have been getting very bad audio glitches for me in that they will get more and more distorted until I pause then play the stream. On top of that, the chat will stop scrolling with new messages at times, forcing me to scroll it down manually. With both of these, it’s like having to maintain two fronts while trying to interact. Not fun.

Speaking of trying to interact, ever since they implemented that stream delay of like 20 seconds to cheap on the servers, it has not been the same anyway. They eventually implemented a “low latency” thing which yields faster delivery at the cost of possibly buffering a lot, but it’s still longer than the 2-3 seconds it used to be. Just imagine trying to converse with someone face to face and they respond 20 seconds later first. It’s the most awkward thing to keep track of. (Smashcast doesn’t have that. Just’ saying...) It can be even worse if the stream player itself gets an error and you have to refresh, which does happen fairly often. Making you possibly miss the point the streamer talked to you. Trying to sort it out then just stalls the whole thing because they have to readdress you if you mention it to them which backlogs them responding to others and etc...

For the videos on demand (VOD) themselves, playback is often glitchy as errors happen midway through, they don’t play at all and seeking to a certain part is often very difficult as it doesn’t go where you click. Heck, I heard from others that sometimes you can’t even PAUSE a VOD as that functionality is glitched out. But pausing works fine for me. Why is that? Who knows.

Live streams aren’t much better as they have their own issues. I often get errors and have to refresh the page to get it to run again. Even when not getting an error, I noticed that I’m served a slightly-slower stream than others seem to get. So I have to pause then unpause the video every so often to get it to jump back ahead to the closest point I can see. Part of me wonders if the error and slightly slower stream are related, but don’t hold me to that. I have a good internet connection too.

Twitch streams also get deleted nowadays unless set up to into highlights. Given that many weren’t aware this happened before it was too late (you only had 14 days to save them if not a turbo/prime member and 60 if you are), a TON of content got lost. People argued that it’s to save money because of the hosting costs of video data being large. So rather than streams just being automatically turned into highlights as a precautionary measure, they just let them get wiped because they didn’t care. I’m not entirely sure about that “because” you can save streams to highlights as mentioned. So it’s just going to fill back up again since people now know of it, if not already has filled back up.

Twitch also got rid of PMs so past conversations you might have wanted to look back on or had to catch up on as a backlog were lost. You can do the same sort of thing in whispers if a person allows it in their settings, but what’s the point of getting rid of PMs?... Text is text regardless of where it’s located. This was one of those sorts of changes that I can’t figure out. I “thought” maybe they wanted to unify a private place to talk since both existed at once time, but why not just move the conversation to the other or not have both at the same time to begin with?

Another thing they get rid of for no reason is email notifications to streams you follow. They “say” if you don’t watch a stream for a while they’ll turn off email alerts to it. Which makes sense to not fill up someone’s inbox. Imagine for instance they stream 30 days straight and you don’t go to any of them as sort of a break. That’s 30 emails that are useless to you. Except it doesn’t work. Even streams I watched regular like Bob Ross got email alerts disabled. You can tell that they keep track of when you click an Email link to someone’s stream too because in the URL you’ll notice it recognizes you came from the Email. So there’s no excuse. Oh and there’s no way to toggle that automated disabling of alerts to off as far as I’m aware. So you just have to deal with it. At least they do seem to be consistent about telling you when it does turn off email alerts, but get ready to enter that 6-digit login code just to fix the alerts regardless if the person is streaming or not.

After the Amazon buyout, eventually they started pushing Twitch Prime as well, basically another paid subscription thing like Turbo, only with Amazon benefits added on it. But all the things they push as “prime loot” are complete garbage. Stuff like Raid: Shadow Legends which is hardly a “game”. What made them even think a community of gamers would be into that? Well, maybe they did realize that, but did it anyway as a business partnership for the moolah.

I get the feeling that business partnerships are what’s going on with all the Valorant stuff popping up as well. Only with streamers being able to take advantage of it. For example: People found out to try the game, they need to watch any Valorant stream with drops enabled for a for 2 hours. That lead to people going to streams just for that invite. Many people. Artificial-inflation amounts of people that encourage people to stream it for said numbers and Twitch recommending channels playing it like mad to people, lol! So yeah, I’d be very surprised if it wasn’t a business partnership.

You can find many more examples out there of people may or may not having a bug for things, but this should be enough to explain that Twitch is a complete mess. Every single aspect of it. It’s in a state like Youtube where everything is broke and they are ignoring users who message them telling about bugs (which they claim they encourage people to do and they listen to) or maybe are just unwilling to fix any of them even if they know about them. Who knows because they don’t communicate like they used to.

Your thoughts?

Thanks for reading and have a good one!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #253

hope everyone is staying safe through this quarantine. wash your hands.

Which band do you have more music of than anyone else on your computer? Ozzy. Who’s your favorite philosopher? *shrugs* I don't know any's ideals well. How old were you when you learned how to read? I'm not sure, but I know I was exceptionally young. What’s the coolest Halloween costume you’ve ever worn? I don't think I've ever worn something rather cool. Who’s your favorite painter/artist? If we're talking about well-known, "popular" artists, I'm not sure. Maybe DaVinci. What’s your favorite song lyric- ever? ARE YOU??????????? FOR REAL?????????? Holy FUCK I get goosebumps from lyrics SO easily, this is like impossible. Probably an Otep lyric, though. I really don't like her personally, but goddamn can she write. What’s your dream tattoo if you don’t have it already? I've linked it before, so I'll just remind it's "Denialism" by deviantART's NukeRooster on my entire, upper left arm. I've already gotten her permission (I don't like just... stealing artwork to put on my body), now just comes the day I can pay for it by a top-tier pro. What’s the coolest screen name you’ve ever had? I don't think any have been necessarily "cool." Who do you think was the most badass serial killer? (Real life.) I'm not well-versed in serial killers honestly, but I can say Charles Manson was a C A S E. I think we can all admit he was... interesting. Just the epitome of weird. Most badass fictional serial killer? ig Jason; again, I don't know a lot off the top of my head, but I like him. How many bank accounts do you have? I don't have one. Have you ever been falsely accused of starting drama? Yep. Have you ever found a song that describes your whole life? Parts of it, sure. What kind of car do you drive? I don't drive a car, but Mom's is a... Honda? Kia? Idk. I'm bad with car brands. What kind of car would you like to have? Average size, pretty simple. Burnt orange or red. I know I want one of those screens you look into to see what's behind you when backing up. Have you ever been to Dairy Queen? If so, what’s your favorite thing to eat from there? mmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. So unhealthy, but I will destroy and Oreo Cupfection. Try. That. Stuff. Their milkshakes are also great. Which website do you email from? Outlook. Do you enjoy receiving souvenirs? Sure, it's nice. Have you ever had the flu? No. What about strep throat? Maybe once? Do you normally have a lot of homework, if you’re still in school? Kinda, yeah. Did you ever enjoy gym class? Fuck no. Even when I was healthy. What is your biggest insecurity? My body. Have you ever painted a room alone? No. How many huge secrets do you have? Huge? Uhhh, none, I think. Have you ever painted something and been impressed by it? Yes. Would you rather go out to eat or stay in? I prefer eating out because yummy food, but considering I'm working on losing weight, I avoid it. Do you have any younger siblings? One. Have you ever considered bleaching your hair? To the point of being snow white. Considering my hair is super healthy and bleaching so heavily would destroy it, I'll be avoiding that. I DO want to bleach my hair to do other colors, though. Brown hair sucks. Do you drink vitamin water? No. Are there any old movies you absolutely love? Oh sure, a good handful. The Outsiders probably tops it. Have you ever had a Big Mac before? No, doesn't appeal to me. I don't like veggies on my burgers... despite eating veggie burgers when I was vegetarian lmao. Do you think you attract the opposite sex at a reasonable rate? I doubt that. Have you ever filed a lawsuit on someone? No. Do you enjoy reading often? I'm finally back into it!! Lately all I've been wanting to do is READ READ READ. Have you ever had a deadly illness? Well, I consider depression (among other mental illnesses) to be very deadly, but on a literal level, no. I mean I have dormant MRSA, which can kill if active, but it never has been. Most people carry that dormantly anyway, if I remember correctly. Ever had food-poisoning before? No, thankfully. Where did you last eat dinner at? Mom bought Nicole and me Sonic. Have you ever had someone pick you up off the ground & carried you? When I fainted, yes. Are you a flirty person? Not really. A name you hate with a passion? Edward, to name one. Erwin. A lot of old names. What is your favorite type of water (ex. arrowhead)? Essentia mmmmmmmmmmmmm,, Have you ever been to Warped Tour? I WISH. :( Do you know anyone who wears fur? I fucking hope not, because I wouldn't associate with them anymore. When was the last time you were on myspace.com? Damn yo, millennia ago. How often do you cuss? Too much. I mean, I don't even believe "profanity" is a thing by our definition of "that word is magically bad," but still, it's like when people say "like" too much. Have you ever cussed out a teacher? No. What did you think of the movie Juno? I never watched it. How often do you eat meat? Sigh, more than I wish. What grade did you meet your best friend in? We didn't meet in school. Last time you cleaned your room? Couple days back. I'm honestly bad at dusting regularly in here, but that's gotta change with Mom having chemo now. Her immune system will be compromised so this house needs to be as pristine as it can. When you were little, would you have rather watched Cartoon Network or Disney Channel? Disney Channel. We weren't really Cartoon Network kids, actually. It was Disney or Nickelodeon. Do you shave your arms? No. Are you a big fan of the Harry Potter series? Never read a book, never watched any movies; the first one was playing in my presence once, but I paid no attention. How often would say you pulled all-nighters, if you ever do? Shit man, never, nowadays. I don't think I've had one for two years now. My youth is escaping. Has a friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend ever had a problem with you for any reason? I don't think so. How many times a day do you find yourself cracking your joints, if at all? Maybe not even once a day. Only my big toes and upper back can pop. Is there a particular sport you follow on a regular basis? No. Are you 100% over the last person you kissed? No. Do you put ketchup on top of your french fries or on the side? On the side. Who was the last person you talked to in person? Mom. Do you have a dog? Not anymore, thank fuck. Do you like orange juice? Yes. Are you one of those people who obsesses over Hollister? I never liked it. They're not inclusive at all towards fucking NORMAL bodies, nevermind plus size. Apparently even their rules on looks for workers are absolutely horrible. Ashley liked them though, so sometimes I just had to go in with her. If money was no object, would you change your wardrobe? My goth could finally  E S C A P E. How do you/did you get to school? My mom drives me. Have you ever had to have a pet put down? Four times that I remember off the top of my head. What candy cane flavor is your favorite? MMMMMMMMMM get the pink Starburst kind. Do you get angry when fast food restaurants mess up your order? It's annoying, yes. Angering when you've already driven away, especially when you really wanted something. What was your favorite elective class in high school? Art. Did you ever wish you could be homeschooled? Yes. I was homebound for a little while. Have you ever had a dream so realistic you could’ve sworn it happened? Yes. Do you have any mental disorders? I'm a walking mental disorder, lmao. Y'all know the biggies, and now ADD and especially DPD (dependent personality disorder) are being considered. Do you feel comfortable talking about these disorders, if you have them? Yeah, I really don't care. Where did you go on your last field trip? I want to say to a band competition in high school. Are you able to agree to disagree? Or do you have to have the last word? Yeah, pretty easily. Is there a cover song you like better than the original version? A whole lot, actually. Do you have a hard time talking about sex with the opposite gender? I have a hard time with anyone. Have you ever had major surgery? Major, no. Is there any food you don’t like that a lot of others do? Here in the South, everyone is most surprised when they hear I hate fried chicken. What was the last thing you bragged about? Hm. I'm not sure, actually. I don't make a habit out of doing that. Can you do a backflip? Hell no. Are you listening to anything right now? I have a video up of relaxing tracks from Silent Hill 2 + 3. Great shit. Has anyone ever tried to tell you you were adopted? No. How many doors are in the room you’re in? Two, but one's just the closet door. Have you ever been engaged and broke it off? No. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Yes. Do any of your friends have children? Yep. Is there anything you’re craving right now? Not really. Who got married at the last wedding you attended? A family friend. It was the second wedding I shot. Is happiness something to be achieved and sought after or is it something to be retained and held onto always, no matter what happens? The former. You can't just stay happy when, like, your grandma dies. What gives you a peaceful feeling? Nature. Hearing water and birdsong, specifically. Are you a Toys-R-Us kid? Hell yeah I was. My sisters and I would go crazy if we had the chance to go there. We were SOOOO upset when it closed down. If you believe in Heaven, are there separate heavens for different animals (kittie heaven. dog heaven, bird heaven, etc)? I don't know if I believe in a "heaven," but some sort of peace after death, yes. I believe it's one, unified "heaven." When you sleep next to someone do they fall asleep first usually or do you? They always do considering it takes me ten years to fall asleep. If they do, do you watch them sleep? I have. Not in a creepy way, but rather a "wow I love this person" sorta way. What is your usual breakfast? Usually apple and cinnamon oatmeal What do your salt and pepper shakers look like? They're nothing special. The salt is a blue ceramic, and the pepper one is just what you get from the store. Have you ever had your car towed? I've never had my own car. What band or singer do you believe started rock and roll? I'm pretty sure Elvis is given that credit. Whose voice irritates you like fingernails on a blackboard? The female singer of Mother Mother's voice. Mom and I can't stand her singing. All I songs we enjoy feature almost solely the main singer. I can *tolerate* it in some songs, but. What do you contribute to society? Ha. Do you take naps? Almost daily. Do you have any cavities? Not to my knowledge. Do you believe that there has been a man on the moon? Yes, though I do believe the "first" landing was faked in competition with Russia. It sounds ridiculous, but I'm so serious, look into the theory - there's incredible evidence. Would you ever go into a sex shop? I'd be too self-conscious to. I'd just order online. Let’s just say your school team is on a winning streak. One of the cheerleaders cheers both for your team and the other team during games. Does it make you angry? I don't care enough about sports to even consider how I'd feel. Do you prefer carnivals, festivals, circuses, parades or faires? To be real, I only know the difference between parades and circuses. What even distinguishes the other three from each other. Do you believe in psychic ability or is it a sham? I lean towards no. What is your favorite classic rock song? You CANNOT ask me this question. Classic rock is some of the best music there is.

[ashtonsunshine]

A thank you letter to 5SOS

Hello, you! 😊  

I'm Carmo, I'm 24 and I'm Portuguese. 

I recently participated in a contest to win two tickets to see you live in London on the 29th of October. However, and unfortunately, I didn't win, so my chances of seeing you guys perform live are nul at the moment. For the contest, I had to create a cover for your album but with my face on it, and if you want to see what I designed, I attached the cover to this email. I'm very proud of what I created and I hope you like it, too. 

But the point of my email isn't that. I want to tell you what you meant and currently mean to me, if you'll hear me out. 

So, back in 2012, when Louis tweeted you guys, I went and ckecked you out. I have to be honest, at first I wasn't very into your music. It was different from what I was used to listen to at that time. After a couple hours searching for you on YouTube and getting to know you and what you were working on, I was hooked in the best way possible. 

At the time I wasn't in my greatest mental shape and I was struggling with university and anxiety, and basically life in general. What kept me going and fighting for something better for myself was your silliness and your encouraging music. 

By the time you released Sounds Good Feels Good, I was already at a different university taking a different degree where I met my kind of people: creative, fun and always ready to help out. I was happy for the first time in many years, my anxiety was reduced to almost non-existent, I found love and true friendship. I don't know if this is too much information but I'm here to tell you the truth so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. My boyfriend at the time was a bassist and a guitarist so I showed him your album and he liked it. He liked The Girl Who Cried Wolf and said that it had a beautiful melody and also tried to play it on the guitar. On my birthday, he offered me LIVESOS and you should have seen the stupid smile on my face. He may have never understood my love for you guys, but he respected it. My heart bursted with joy, because I couldn't afford music at the time. Hell, I still can't! 

We're in 2018 now and the other week I decided to give a listen to SGFG through and through, and I have to tell you that that album has a special place in my heart. It opened up my mind and my heart to the world and it made me realise that life isn't just this, that life can be much much more than what it is now. The whole New Broken Scene thing was and still is very important to me. So thank you for that!

Now, let's talk about Youngblood! I was not expecting this new style, at all. When I first heard Want You Back I thought "Oh, this is different... I like it!". I know you guys wanted and needed to grow and change your music style and, if I'm honest, I'm glad you did. I'm glad you had the courage to come out and say This is us now!, because it just shows how proud you are of your work, of your evolution, and how unafraid you are to show us your journey as musicians, performers and people. 

As you have mentioned several times, fans have grown with you and I completely agree. I certainly have. I still love heavy guitars and sick drums but I can now appreciate the smartness of a well built track where the placement of each instrument is studied in order to create an effect on the listener. For example, when the guitar comes in in Talk Fast, or when the bass drops in if Walls Could Talk, or the heavy drums in Meet You There. All amazing choices that I deeply appreciate.

However, I do have to admit that my favourite track is More. For the lyrics and the instrumental. I just connected to it when I first listened to the whole album when it came out (I'll get to this later). I think the song reflects my situation with my mother. I know that that's probably and most likely not what it was written about but what can I do? 🤣 No, but seriously, which one of you wrote the line "We're speaking different tongues communicating right through the bedroom wall" ? I need to thank you for that particularly, because it's perfectly written and it expresses this sense of distance that I could never find words to define. It's like no matter how much we talk we'll never understand each other and that's the most distant distance can get between two people. 

Now about the album drop. You guys decided to drop the album a week earlier and, while I wasn't expecting it, this news reached me at a great time. By dropping it earlier, you ended up releasing the album on my birthday and it was the best present I could have gotten. The thing was that I was broke and I couldn't buy the album and I was already resigning to listening to it on Spotify on random with other songs coming in between the ones on Youngblood. I wrote this on my blog and some lovely people in this fandom decided to message me saying they would buy me the album. They just popped up from nowhere. We weren't even mutuals on social media and they were willing to spear some of their money on me. I can never thank them enough. It was one of the kindest things this fandom has done for me. I didn't let anyone buy me an album, obviously, but there was this person who had already bought a bunch of things from your website so they had an official download link for me to download the songs from. I took it and I'll never forget this kind gesture. Haven't these people helped me, I would have listened to Youngblood on random with ads popping up in between songs and my first listen would have been ruined. 

You have incredible fans who are always ready to help and lift other fans up. I cannot express how much love I have received from this fandom. The last episode of love shower was when I entered the contest I told you about in the beginning. Everyone was rooting for me and everyone wanted to see what my covers looked like. When I receive the news of my defeat, they were there to cheer me up and to tell me my covers were great and well done. This fandom is a big love boat: sometimes it rocks a little, but most of the times it's cruising. 

I don't know what else to tell you. This email is getting too long. If you're still reading this Hi! Go get some water! You've been here a long time! 😊 

I'm going to wrap this up with the music videos, most recently the Valentine one. Don't get me wrong, the Want You Back and Youngblood videos are amazing on their own. I love the colour light boxes concept and having a Japanese music video with a storyline to it was brilliant. However, and me having studied Audiovisual Communication at university, the music video for Valentine was the one that stuck with me the most. The whole black/red/yellow aesthetic with the glitter and flash coloured lights and foggy lens effects added so much to the light and dark tone of the song. Also the choices in aspect ratio to centre our focus on your eyes and lips was brilliantly made. And then there's the skeketons. I don't know what you guys wanted to convey with those: if it was either the dark side of love or the representation of la petite mort. If it was the latter, I have to applaude you, because it was a fantastic idea. 

I guess that's all I have to tell you, for now, at least. Thank you for your music and for your courage on speaking up about all these mental health issues that most of us face. Thank you for your strength and for your laughter. Thank you for encouraging us all to better ourselves as people and as professionals. But, most of all, thank you for all the love you guys have for us. We are grateful. I am grateful. And I love you guys back. 

With love, 

Carmo

P.S.: Take care of yourselves out there in the big wide world, okay? I hate to be the mom friend but I can't help it. I just want you guys to be healthy and happy. Truly. 

Now, go drink some more water! 😊

[tyunni]

omg advice on having a good theme i beg!!

AHHHHHHHHHDHSHDHS THIS IS SUCH A SWEET ASK STOP 😭😭 first of all im extremely thankful and flattered that you would come to ME for theme advice ☹️

I HOPE this post is helpful in some way, i'm trash at giving advice 🥲 keep in mind that this is all from my experience and this is all my opinion 🙌🙌

Honestly i dont have much to say. What i keep in mind for my themes is that i have to follow a certain style or a vibe. Like for example my current theme (and the themes i've had for the past.. idk how long) looks like a video game! Usually the ideas pop up in my head themselves, but there are times when i look for inspo on pinterest or simply search stuff up on google. Do not be afraid to look for inspiration and don't feel discouraged when your theme doesn't turn out the way you initially thought it would.

I also usually find it easier to focus on one part of my theme and put the most effort into it. Most of the time the most detailed parts of my themes are my pinned posts/navigations. Specifically, the parts where i introduce myself! Therefore, my thought process usually goes like this:

Choose a certain vibe (video game, magazine, diary, etc.)

Think of a way i could write a short about me in a way that would fit the style i'm going for.

This step is optional, sort of 😭 but if nothing pops up in my head i just search up "*insert something* character introduction/info". Like "video game character introduction" "diary character info". Having a visual example is always good. You don't have to necessarily copy it, but looking at different variations and piecing them together in your head definitely helps! That way you can come up with your own idea while using certain parts of certain images you found.

EDIT EDIT AND EDIT!!!

Personally for me, it takes extremely long to get something to look decent. I switch through different apps and ideas. Sometimes i take days to find what i like, and most of the time it looks completely different from how i wanted it to. Just know that you should take as many breaks as you'd like, take a few days if you want to! Looking at something with fresh eyes helps you see the "flaws" you couldn't see when you were frustrated and/or tired. Also helps you get new ideas as well, or interpret the idea you initially had in a completely different way! Delete everything and start from scratch if you want to. Experiment. Please just experiment, trust me. AND AND AND WATCH A LOT OF TUTORIALS !!! YDK THE AMOUNT OF STUFF U CAN DO WITH UR EDITING APP. ESP IBIS PAINT X. OH MY GOD.

The apps that i use are: ibis paint x (this is my main one frrr), picsart, canva, polarr. Also use the website ezgif to make the gifs, if i have to ofc! Trust, that website is a life saver if you don't have Photoshop (dw im broke too HELPP 😭😭)

I sometimes use capcut as well, then convert the video from mp4 to gif with the ezgif website. Literally promoting that website like my life depends on it, sponsor me :////// slash jay

Also, if you find pictures but want to adjust the colors, use polarr. Absolutely one of my top 3 editing apps, it has helped me a lot!

I've also seen a lot of people put far more effort into their headers instead of navigations, their themes look absolutely stunning as well! Some don't even have headers!

I think it's important to have that balance: having some simple parts and some detailed parts. I keep that in mind for my overall theme and also for the navigations as well. If you put a lot of detail into the header and the navi/pfp/whatever, it just becomes too much.

If you put a lot of detail into your about me part of the navi (if you are even planning to make an about me part), then you should keep the links more simple! If you're putting more details into the links and the way they're placed, the symbols and fonts you use, etc. then keep the about me + pics less complicated!

Themes don't have to be complicated for them to look good, you don't even have to use pictures in the pinned if you don't want to! You can just keep everything short and sweet. Sometimes simple themes are the best ones, if done well.

Also quick tip: I don't recommend using crazy fonts, it becomes harder to read if you overuse them.

[skamthemuse-blog]

Chapter 4: Straight from the Cat’s Tongue 

How are you supposed to react when two of your best friends vanish and no one will tell you anything? You keep saying they have to be okay and you have to believe it but as the hours go by, it’s getting harder and harder to believe. I feel like I shouldn’t even be writing this to you, but I know you want an update since I haven’t posted in the few days. This is officially my notice of hiatus. I love you, my readers, so much but I can’t talk about who wore what or interview any guests right now. I’m sorry. This isn’t goodbye forever. It’s just goodbye for now.

              Love,

              M.F.

***

              Magnus read over his post for the hundredth time. The view count kept going up and the comments section was flooded, but for once he could care less about how popular his blog was. His heart wasn’t in it. It wasn’t even into the waffle sitting in front of him, that Mahdi had made twenty minutes ago, now soggy under the deflated whipped cream. He wasn’t sure if Mahdi had actually expected him to eat it or just needed someone to make one for. Ever since their friends had gone missing he’d started a buy one, get one free promotion just so he would never have to stop working.

              Up until now, Magnus hadn’t shown any sign less than hope. He had to pretend to be strong every time he went to check on Even. He couldn’t imagine what Even felt like. He wasn’t just missing a friend, but the love of his life. Magnus knew it would be hard for anyone. He felt obliged to be the friend that went over there to check on the other man. He wanted to make sure that Even was still taking his medication and that things weren’t getting too bad. He knew what his mother had been like when her sister passed away a couple years back and he didn’t want to see his friend spiral in the same way. Isak would want Even to be okay.

              Thinking about Isak and Even’s epic love story made him miss Vilde. It had been three years now. He should have been over it. That explosive night shouldn’t have mattered anymore. But it did. It still did to him. They had both said things and he’d tried to help her, but she had pushed him away. The fact that he was cheating on him wasn’t the biggest shock it was that—

              “Mahdi!” Magnus snapped out of his thoughts as he heard a familiar voice echo through the empty restaurant. He turned to see Sana Bakkoush, standing in all her glory at the door. Behind her were Eva, Chris and Noora. They looked like Charlies Angels, all together, beautiful and always ready to kick ass. His stomach sank. The absence of their fifth member made the whole scene feel off. Maybe that’s what made everything feel even more serious to him.

              Mahdi walked around the counter to see the four girls. “Noora, Sana, Chris and Eva? What are you all doing here? Did you come for the special?”

              Chris nodded, prompting Noora to nudge her as she shook her head. Sana stood tall. She didn’t waste any time to get to her point, “Do you have any enemies you want to tell us about?”

              “What?” Mahdi asked. Magnus was lost now. Good. He’s just as confused as I am.

              “Isak was in your car,” Sana said as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

              “And?”

              “Do you think anyone was looking for you instead?”

              Mahdi was taken aback by this statement. Magnus couldn’t say he had expected it either. He hadn’t thought about it that way. Mahdi replied, “No. No, there’s no one that would. I don’t have any- no. There can’t be.”

              “No hell-bent pancake restaurant ready to take out the competition?” Chris offered.

              “No,” Mahdi replied, firmer this time. “I don’t have any enemies.”

              “But does Jonas?” Eva asked, just loud enough for everyone to hear. It was more of a thought escaped her lips that an actual question, but it was more than a fair point.

              “Jonas is a protester. He finds a cause and he won’t stop until everyone’s heard it. There was an anti-capitalist rally in Sweden and it turned into a bit of a riot. He got in an argument with a police officer, so they said he resisted arrest.”

              “There’s a pretty great video of it online,” Magnus added. “Dude isn’t scared of anything.”

              “Do you think he’s made any enemies?” Noora asked.

              “Tons!” Magnus laughed. It was obvious he didn’t understand where Noora was leading this discussion. “’You can’t take a stand without making someone mad,’ that was his motto.”

              “Do you know anyone in particular?” Noora asked.

               “No one that would want to kidnap him if that’s what you’re getting at,” Mahdi said.

              “What about Isak?” Chris asked.

              “No way,” Magnus said. “Sure, he can get angry, but he wouldn’t actually hurt anyone. Not intentionally.”

              “Didn’t he start that fight with your brother’s friends in high school?” Chris asked Sana.

              “Yeah, but there were no hard feelings. Isak’s a pretty good person,” Sana replied.

              “Usually,” Eva said, sitting down at the counter beside Magnus. This caused everyone to turn their head to her.

              “What do you mean?” Magnus asked.

              “In high school, he broke up Jonas and me. When I cheated on Jonas, he told me not to tell him and then told Iben. Then when I confronted him he told me it was because he liked me and-”

              “Wait, he liked you? But I thought…” Magnus was wide eyed, not understanding.

              “Oh for the love of- He liked Jonas!” Sana jumped in, cluing in the blond boy.

              “What?” This was news to Magnus. He never would have guessed. His mind began running to all the times that they all hung out as friends and how he never knew. He almost forgot that they were supposed to be talking about missing people.

              “Focus,” Mahdi said, putting a hand on Magnus’ shoulder. “We’ve all done things we regret but are they enough to want to commit a crime?”

              “What about Even?” Sana asked, wracking her brain.

              “Why,” Magnus got apprehensive. He didn’t know why he was so defensive about it. Maybe he just didn’t want Even to be muddled up in this any more than he was. Of course, it was impossible to separate him from the whole situation. There was also part of the thought that if it was about Even, Magnus could be guilty in all of this.

Magnus had been the first one to introduce Isak to the public after Even’s career took off two years ago. The plan originally had been to keep him out of the news; to let it all be about Even. It was around that time that Magnus had started his blog, Straight from the Cat’s Tongue. He had needed something to do with his life. It had all started when he attended a party that Eskild threw. He had been sitting alone awkwardly, feeling sorry for himself around Vilde’s ex-friends, when Noora sat down beside him. He had asked her about what she had been doing since high school. She had told him all about her new job as a freelance journalist. Something about the way she was talking about her work made something click in Magnus. Unlike her and Jonas, he wasn’t interested in the political statements of it. He couldn’t keep up with policies or laws, but he was interested in the human interest, from the scandals to the who’s who of the gossip. His blog had taken off when he gave them a story no one else couple have: who was the muse for Even Bech Næsheim’s stories? Overnight he had thousands of people flocking to his website, sharing the story with everyone. Everyone wanted to know everything about Isak and Even, or Evak, as they were calling them online. People even went to Isak’s university to try and meet him. Even had to post on social media asking people to stop. He hadn’t realized just how much the world loved a love story, especially the story of the love between his two friends. He had been joking when he said he would like to watch a show about them, but maybe he had been onto something.

              If Isak was missing because he was linked to Even, that was Magnus’ fault. Isak had made his Instagram private before Even became big and Even wasn’t on social media. Magnus had convinced them to share their life with the world. Even if it was just small snippets that Magnus had shared, this was all on him.  

              “Why don’t we all just talk to Even,” Eva suggested.

              “He’s commandeered my room,” Noora said, obviously slightly annoyed about it. “But I’m not sure if Eskild will let us past.”

              Magnus kept quiet for a minute, weighing his options. If he was there, then he could know for sure. He wouldn’t have to directly ask, and he wouldn’t seem suspicious if other people were wondering. After a moment he said, “I told Even I would go see him tomorrow. I was going to take him for coffee to get him out of the house.”

              “We don’t want to ambush him,” Mahdi reasoned.

              “No,” Sana replied, “but we’re running out of time, so I don’t think we have a choice.”

              “Why don’t we throw him a party?” Chris chimed in. Everyone looked at her.

              Eva broke the circle of stares, “that may not be a bad idea. Not a party but like a get-together. To say we all care.”

              “I’ll talk to him,” Magnus said. He didn’t know if Even would want to see anyone right now, but it was worth a try. The police had nothing, so it was up to them.

Please don’t be my fault.

***

            They were still sitting in Mahdi’s shop two hours after they had decided to throw a get-together. Mahdi has put the closed sign on the shop, but Sana noticed that there hadn’t been any customers in all morning anyway. That was a blessing.

            The group had been trying to craft the perfect plan for talking to Even. No one really felt like party planning right now, but everyone wanted to have their voice heard on what this party should look like. Sana knew they all just wanted control of something, since the universe was making them all feel powerless.

            “Hey Sana! I think your phone is ringing?”

             Sana turned to Eva, whose hand was outstretched, holding Sana’s phone. It was Elias. Finally.

             Sana picked it up, determination and anger in her voice as she said, “Now you call me! What the hell, Elias?”

             “Hey, Sana, before you get mad, I really gotta tell you something. I think we just saw your friend.”

             “What friend?”

             “The ex-one. You know, Vilde.”

             “Wait,” Sana was trying to process. “I’m going to put you around speakerphone.” Sana set her phone down in the middle of the table so the whole group could hear. “Okay, what did you say?”

             “We saw Vilde,” Elias repeated. “But that’s not even the biggest thing we found. God, I don’t know how we’re going to tell Even but—”

             “Tell me what?” The group all turned to door to see none other than Even Bech Næsheim standing there with Eskild. Surprise. Just another way the universe was ruining their plans today.

[hetbigbang]

D-DAY IS HERE

IT'S DEADLINE DAY!!

Art and Fics Due - September 26th, 11:59 PM (Midnight) PST (here is a timezone converter.) ~ We can't wait to see what you all have created and can't wait to share it with everyone! IMPORTANT NOTE: I will be sending out emails to our artists who were willing to pinch hit art, as we have one outstanding art claim, and we may delay Debut Day if it is not picked up. (There may also be a slight delay because the mods are sick and in school, but we are doing our best not to let that happen!) POSTING: In case you need a hand with posting or last minute questions, check under the cut for a rundown on how to post your final works to the 2018 Collection.

POSTING REQUIREMENTS Where do we post our completed fics? We are using AO3 collections, with the deadline for submission as September 26th, and the reveal date of October 1st. You can post them up early!! Post them up now, if you want! You can also post your fics anywhere else you like, just don't post them anywhere before the Debut Date. Everyone who has signed up for this challenge should have an AO3 account, but if you don't, you can still sign up. You can ask a friend for an invite code, or you can request from A03 here or at

ao3_invitecodes. If you are unfamiliar with it, here is the FAQ of AO3. Do not publish your fic for everyone to see at AO3. Instead, submit it for our 2018 collection. Only the author of a work can add it to a collection, and then the mods approve it and we'll reveal it on the Debut Date. Once you've done that, we are also asking you to drop an email to thehetbigbang [at] gmail dot com when you submit your work to A03, with the following information: Email Subject Line: (Fic or Art Submission. YOUR NAME.)

AO3 Name/LJ Name: (both) Fandom: Pairing: Artwork or Fic: (artwork for "Title of Fic, by Author") or (Fic: "Title, rating, and word count. Big Bang or Little Bang.") Summary: (if applicable.)

Further Posting guidelines below. (The pics used are for the old 2012 submissions, but just mentally adjust for 2018.) 1. Sign up for A03. You can ask a friend for an invite code, or you can request from A03 here or at

ao3_invitecodes. 2. DO NOT POST YOUR FICS/ARTS SO THAT THE GENERAL PUBLIC CAN SEE THEM. Double check after posting to make sure it doesn't get posted to the general audience. If it does, delete the work and start over. Instead, you need to allow the mods to collect your fic/arts so that we can reveal everything together on October 1st. Go here, to the 2018 Het Big Bang Collection, and go the "Post to Collection" button in the top right corner. The collection is currently open, moderated and unrevealed.

This will bring you to the normal template where you submit your fic/artwork. In the first block, you fill out all the tags: fandom, warnings, ratings, characters, pairings, additional tags, etc. In the second block, you fill out the preface information, including title, summary, and author's notes. 2a. For Artist: your summary line should include your author's name and the title of their story (if you know it). 3. In the third block, for "Associations" make sure the line for "Post to Collections/Challenges" lists "Het_Big_Little_Bang_Challenge_2018."

3a. For Artists: the next line, "Gift this work to:" should be filled out as well. Artist, you know your Author's A03 name, which should have been provided to you through your emails. If for some reason it was not, please contact your authors and get this name from them. Fill in the "Gift this work to:" line with your author's name. That will link your artwork to them. After the submissions have gone live on the Debut Date, we would like you to go back and edit your submission to add in a link to the specific story you created your artwork for. But until the entire big bang goes public, the main way you'll attach your artwork to the piece will be by identifying the author through gifting. When you finally get the chance to link to the story, edit your submission and use the HTLM coding: <*a href="INSERT THE URL HERE">Title, by Author. (Remove the *) You can put this in your author's note or summary. 3b. For Authors: After the submissions have gone live on the Debut Date, we would need you to go back and edit your submission to add in a link to the specific artwork that was created for your story. You don't have to "Gift this work to:" to the artist, but it'd be neat if you wanted to do so. When you finally get the chance to link to the artwork, edit your submission and use the HTLM coding: <*a href="INSERT THE URL HERE">Title, by Artist. (Remove the *) You can put this in your author's note or summary. 4. Formatting and coding guidelines are important. 4a. For Artists: AO3 video embeds are working from Youtube, Vimeo, blip.tv, Dailymotion, Viddler, Metacafe, and 4shared. So if you have a video, you upload it to Youtube for example, and then embed into an AO3 post. For images like artwork and icons and banners and cover art, use the <*img src="INSERT YOUR URL HERE"> HTML coding (remove the *). You can first upload your images at Tinypic or imgbox or a similar image hosting website, and then make an A03 post with the HTML coding. (*NOTE: As of 2017, photobucket no longers allows you to post and link without paying big bucks, so avoid photobucket.) 5. Submit your fic/artwork. You need to make sure when you hit "Post" that you see this text at the top of the resulting page:

"This work is part of an ongoing challenge and will be revealed soon! You can find details here: Het Big/Little Bang Challenge 2018"

6. Now, your fic should NOT be displayed to the general audience. It might not even show up on your dash, but fear not. You can still edit, add new chapters, mess around with it to your heart's content. We, the mods, unfortunately do not have access to your story. We cannot tell if it is properly formatted or not. THIS IS FRUSTRATING, but there's nothing we can do about it. We can only see your name. All works are titled "Mystery Works" until we reveal the entire big bang. So, please make sure your own fic is properly formatted. If you need to edit your fic, login and go to your dashboard. Go to the "Edit Works" button in the top right corner. From there, you can edit your works.

A03 will require you to format a header with all regular information on it. Remember to properly tag your works, including appropriate warnings. Both HTML and Rich Text are supported, and you can edit/delete, have multiple chapters, etc... 1. The Rich Text Editor lets you add formatting, links and pictures to text without using HTML tags. It also has an option for pasting from Word which will preserve some of your Word formatting, although please note that this is buggy. The Rich Text Editor is only available for your work text. 2. The HTML editor allows you to change the look of your text with HTML tags. It can be used in any place you can submit text, although some fields permit only a small subsection of allowed tags. You can see a full list of the allowed HTML on the Archive FAQ, but the standard HTML tags is as follows: b, big, blockquote, br, caption, center, datetime, div, dl, dt, em, h1, h2, h3, h4, h5, h6, height, hr, href, i, img, ins, small, span, src, strike, strong, sub, sup, table, u, and more. Also, a few years ago,

anr was a saint and provided you with a post that explained "how to format a fic for posting in less than 30 seconds no matter the story length or amount of formatting" trick. The mods won't be overly picky about formatting. I'd prefer for all dividers and scene breaks to use <*hr> (remove the *) which creates a horizontal line that serves perfectly as a scene break. However, that's optional. You choose your own way to format. Other optional suggestions, just for uniformity sake's: How do I do Chapter Titles: Bold 'em. How do I timestamp and do locations: Italicize the dates and locations. How do I do subtitle stuff: Italicize it. There is only one major fail regarding format, and that has to do with paragraphs breaks. There must be a full line break between paragraphs. Example of doing it wrong:

Chapter One: The Invasion March 6, 2005 - The City of Atlantis Elizabeth ducked quickly behind a console and attempted to catch her breath. A flush of pink colored her cheeks and a thin sheen of sweat had appeared on her brow. If the situation weren't so dire, John would have been turned on. As it was, however, he couldn't give it much thought as he had to focus on the batch of Ancient zombies that were slowly staggering in through the Stargate. "At least they can't run," he offered lamely. Elizabeth spared him a glare. "Why can't they run?" "I don't know." John shrugged. "But they never seem to run. They always lurch. Maybe when they're brought back to life they don't get knees?"

Example of doing it right:

Chapter Two: Ancient Ex-Girlfriends Yes, They're Zombies Too Elizabeth peeked around the consol. "Oh, my god," she breathed. "Is that--" "Chaya?!" John squeaked. "Talk about creepy ex-girlfriends." Rodney scrunched his nose. "She doesn't look good in green." John cringed and crouched down lower. "Do you think she's their leader?" Elizabeth looked thoughtful. "Well, this may be better for us." She narrowed her eyes at John. "We can give them you in trade for a cease fire--" Something caught her attention behind John and she broke off. "No, wait. Look to the left! That's... oh, god, John. That's Teer!" John and Rodney stared in disbelief. "Damn you, Kirk!" Rodney groused, and hit John upside the head. "We're going to be killed by a legion of your dead ex-girlfriends!" "Okay, everybody calm down," John soothed. "Let's not overreact and go blaming--" "Hey, look, your ex-wife!" "What?!!"

Grammar and Spelling fail: If your fic doesn't look beta'ed, we will call you on it, which will create an AWKWARD situation for both of us. Having a beta is a REQUIREMENT. Grammar, spelling, proper paragraph structure, etc... these are all REQUIREMENTS. You need to give your beta ample opportunity to go over your fic for mistakes and edits, so remember to factor that into your deadline. Don't have a beta? Check out this post!

Can I post it to my journal a few days early to show my friends? No. The first time you show your fic for this big bang must be on Debut Day, on this comm. Mods will handle the revealing details. There will be more posts on that to come. Once the Big Bang collection goes live on Oct 1, feel free to post your stuff wherever. Also, please remember that extensions for final fic and art submissions will not be granted. Please make sure your stories and art are submitted no later than September 26th. If you absolutely cannot make it, contact a mod immediately - either via email at thehetbigbang [at] gmail.com, or on the Page-A-Mod post, or PM

red_b_rackham or

traycer_. Lastly, remember if you need some to cry, scream, flail, yell triumphantly, encourage, cheerlead, etc, don't hesitate to check out the support comm and throw up some posts for each other!

YOU'RE ALMOST THERE!!

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