#oh a previously never mentioned guy with a thing? of course I know who that is. yeah he’s got history with this character I know

[spookiat]

Comic plotlines can’t hurt me, I grew up on telenovelas

[ourhees]

NO GOOD LUCK ! . . ୨୧ ❨ LEE HEESEUNG ❩

it had been roughly 4 months since your breakup, you had been living your days healing from the past and worrying about your present .. so when your friend group’s yearly ski trip arrived,the last thing you expected was to see him. your ex boyfriend,invited like everyone else, and now now being forced to share a room with him due to spacing. you left as if your life was ending, or maybe .. it was just beginning ?

🗯️ pairing: lee heeseung x female reader includes: 𖥻 yunjin & kazuha (le sserafim)

𖥻 warnings: angst, suggestive content, alcohol usage, implied intimacy (no nsfw)

genre 🗯️: only one bed, ex’s to potential lovers, angst, winter vacation love, fluff

sav’s ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁 thoughts: first fic to my kiss you this christmas series (we cheered) i hope you enjoy it ^_^ . i also am aware that i’ve previously mentioned that my fic is 10k but i would like to say it’s estimated to be 7k. those who know me, know that i’ve never written a long fic before and this is my first experience with one. i honestly hope it’s good.

❨ 7k EST WC ❩ ┋ SERIES 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

the soft hum of the heater filled your room as you folded another sweater into your suitcase. snowflakes danced along the window but your mind was far away, stick in a memory you attempted to blur.

the healing process was going to be quite easy, you’d hope. you were gonna move forward with your life, do new things, travel more, and hopefully meet someone new. your friend groups ski trip was the perfect start. being in the mountains for one week with your friends sounded fun, only downside was they decided to bring their boyfriends.

unfortunately for you, that meant you’d be the only single person there. this was a good thing in your head, you got your own bed and would get some time to yourself.

you packed your belongings and called your best friend, kazuha to get you. “hello?” kazuha answered, putting the phone to her ear as she drives.

“hey i’m ready.” you respond, zipping up your luggage and grabbing your last minute necessities. kazuha responds, hanging up the phone and drives to your place.

as the minutes go by, you gathered your belongings and made sure your apartment windows and doors were closed. you took your belongings and headed down to the lobby, you pushed the button to the lobby and took a minute to think about this trip.

this was gonna be a chance to heal, forget about the past and make memories you’d remember with your friends. you hear a familiar honk, sounding like kazuha’s rental van. you took your luggage and walked up to the rental, kazuha walks out, greeting you with a big hug.

“excited for this trip?” she smiles, putting your luggage into the trunk.

“of course i am.” you smiled back, opening the car door to reveal yunjin and her boyfriend jun in the backseat.

“oh my gosh y/n!” yunjin smiled brightly, pulling you into a tight embrace. you and yunjin have been friends since forever, hugs like these were comforting and rather soothing.

zu, kazuha’s boyfriend chimes in on the conversation. “you don’t mind sitting besides heeseung right?” you froze, trying to process the information you just received.

heeseung, a name you haven’t heard in a few months, you didn’t know he was going to be there. jun and yunjin move their bodies, leading to another row of seats, where heeseung sat with his headphones on.

you gasped, no way were you sitting next to him. maybe if you sat down and didn’t speak, he’d just ignore you. you sat beside him, giving him a little space. heeseung quickly noticed your presence, he slide his headphones off of his ears onto his neck, a small gasp on his face.

“you guys didn’t tell me..” he froze, taking in the fact that you were sitting right beside him.

“we’re sorry, but if you found out eachother were coming, you wouldn’t wanna come.” zu spoke briefly, kazuha chiming in.

you just sat there, you didn’t wanna ruin the trip for any of your friends, even if it meant being here with with your ex. you stayed quiet most of the ride, listening to music and looking outside. one specific time, the group decided to stop at a rest stop to stretch your legs.

you went to the restroom and quickly went back to the rental. you sat alone in the rental, putting your headphones back on and closing your eyes, hoping to get somewhat sleep. as you felt yourself drifting away, you felt a small tap on your shoulder. you opened your eyes and slid your headphones off onto your neck.

“hm?”

“just thought you might want these.. i remember how much you love sour gummy worms.” heeseung smiles, placing the bag of gummy worms into your hand.

“oh.. thank you.” you smiled slightly, sort of touched because of his kind gesture.

“also.. if you’re cold, you can cover with my sweater.” he places his sweater onto your lap.

you were in shock, is this the same ex boyfriend you fell off with months ago? why is he offering you his sweater if you feel cold? isn’t he gonna feel cold? all the questions races through your mind, all these what if’s. you placed the sweater over your body, as you closed your eyes and fall asleep for the remainder of the car ride.

the car ride was beside heeseung was silent, as you slept heeseung falls asleep beside you. your friends and their boyfriends talked, planning out what they’d be doing on the little stay in the mountains.

a few hours later, the car pulls up to the airbnb. a small yet large cozy cabin on the top of the mountains. you admired the view, you couldn’t believe you got to see this sight every year, same time and same place. you stepped out of the rental and stretched your legs.

yunjin puts in the pin for the door, pushing it open as she hears the small noise indicating the door is unlocked. the group steps in, heeseung pushes the door closed behind you. the airbnb was just like you remembered, cozy. it was a second home, except this home held a lot of memories between you and heeseung.

“we didn’t mention this but .. you’re sharing a room with eachother.” kazuha whispered to you softly, hoping to not get some kind of reaction out of you. you gasped, unsure how to process this information.

“i’m what?” you tried to think of a response. no way were you sharing a room with him. it was fine when you were a couple, but now? things are way different now. you and heeseung weren’t together, sharing a room wouldn’t lead to good things.

you brought your luggage into the room, sitting down by the edge of the bed. this was reality, you’re sharing a room with your ex boyfriend. heeseung walks into the room a few minutes later, his luggage and jacket in his hand.

“so we’re sharing a bed…according to jun and zu.” heeseung looks at you, taking in every sight of your figure he can get.

“as if this can’t get any better.” you mumbled. “just stay on your side at night.. okay?” you asked, hoping he’d comply.

heeseung nodded, beginning to unpack his luggage. he pulls the drawers open and begins placing his clothes into each of them. you didn’t remember heeseung being this organized, nor do you remember him being sloppy with his clothing. you watched him behind your phone, as he placed his clothes into the drawers.

before he got up, you quickly acted casual, staring right back at the content on your phone. you sat up as he left, reaching for your luggage and unzipping it. you place your clothes into the drawer besides his, stepping up and going to the gathering room where yunjin and kazuha were in.

“hey, are you okay?” yunjin asks, moving over so you coukd sit beside her.

“oh i’m fine? i just wish you guys told me i’d be sharing a room with him.” you look away, almost as if you were pushing your friends away.

i mean, you had every right to. they didn’t mention anything about heeseung coming. you didn’t want to cause a scene, this is you and your friend’s vacation. the last thing you needed was to ruin something that was once fun to you and your friends.

the night falls, yunjin, kazuha, and their boyfriends head out to get food from a restaurant a few minutes away. you were sitting in the gathering room, watching a movie, a blanket draped over your lap. heeseung walks in, sitting beside you.

“so are we ever gonna talk this trip? or am i gonna get the silent treatment the whole week?” he asks, getting a little closer to you. you moved over a bit, leaving more space between you and him.

“no.. no.. don’t shut me out. i want us to be able to talk.” he placed his hand on top of yours, his warm hand on top of yours brought back memories, all sorts of memories. ones that bring you pain, but also bring you joy.

“i’m sorry.. this is just awkward for me” you sighed, letting you a deep breath you’ve been holding in.

“i know, it is for me as well. but i want us to be okay and on the same terms, okay?” heeseung looks you in the eyes, you could see the passion dripping from his hazel eyes.

you nodded, moving a little closer to him. this was the closest you’ve ever been to heeseung in a while. you could smell his cologne, hints of nostalgia laced in it. now he wants to be on the same terms? you didn’t know how to react. part of you wanted to push him away, but a part of you also wanted to keep him close, just like old times.

dinner was silent, getting ready for bed was silent. you couldn’t sleep that night, tossing and turning in bed beside heeseung. heeseung was still awake, scrolling on his phone as he normally would every night, from your knowledge.

“cant sleep?” he asked, turning to look at you.

“yeah..” you responded softly, turning to face him.

“wanna go for a dip in the hot tub?” heeseung sits up, getting his swimsuit.

you got out of bed, reaching into the drawers and grabbing your two piece. you went into the bathroom and put it on, realizing you needed someone to tie the back, you called out softly for heeseung. he walked into the bathroom and tied your top. his fingers grazed gently along your skin, sending a shiver down your spine.

once it was tied, you both tip toed to the sliding glass doors, which opened to the hot top. you got in, the warm water felt great on your skin, this is exactly what you needed. heeseung sat beside you, a little more closer than the last time. his gaze was on your body, taking in the ravishing sight beside him.

“you look pretty tonight. the moon dances beautifully along your skin.” heeseung smiled, his fingers lightly tracing the light of the hot tub along your skin.

you smiled, unable to say anything. around heeseung, you felt like you could be yourself. in this very moment, you felt like yourself, you felt like the person you were months ago.

heeseung leaned in closer. “there’s that beautiful smile, i missed this—missed you.” you leaned in a little, feeling his arms reach to pull you closer by your waist. you allowed him to pull you close, your hands lingered on his chest.

“we shouldn’t do this..” you began to hesitate, realizing the serious of the situation.

you were in a close proximity with him, your hands were in each other. this wasn’t right, you’re ex’s after all. what ex’s touch each other this way?

heeseung gave your hips a gentle squeeze, slowly backing up. “sorry if i made you uncomfortable.”

you sigh. “you didn’t. i just wasn’t expecting this to happen.”

you both went silent, no word were exchanged during your time in the hot tub. it was awkward, really awkward. eventually you got out and went to take a shower. before you stepped in, you needed help reaching the back of your swimsuit, you went back up the hot top for heeseung’s assistance.

“can you untie the back? i can’t reach.”

without any hesitation, he reaches for the back, his gentle touch untying the small knot he created earlier. your swim top falls delicately off your skin, you quickly covered your chest, running back inside to clean yourself off.

the shower was well deserved. you ran your fingers through your sopping wet hair, giving yourself a moment to think about what happened. it was such a moment of intimacy, something so powerful and deep. it made you realize there was a lot of unresolved feelings, still lingering in the air.

what were you gonna do? tell him you weren’t interested? deep down you were, you didn’t want him before, now things were looking different. now everytime you looked at him, you saw a hunger and desire feeling felt in your eyes. you saw him crave you just like when you were a couple.

you stepped out of the shower, your towel wrapped around your body, quickly rushing to get dressed before he saw you like this. you slipped on a baggy t-shirt and some shorts. you tried to get some sleep, forcefully shutting your eyes closed and to sleep. the thought of heeseung kept racing back to you.

after a few hours, you heard the bedroom door creak open. you squinted your eyes carefully, noticing the familiar figure through your blurry vision. heeseung came back inside, you wonder why he took so long. he stepped into the in—room bathroom and ran a shower. heeseung slipped out of his swim attire, setting it right beside yours to dry out and stepped into the shower. steam exited the bathroom door, as it was only open ever so slightly.

heeseung stepped out, his towel around his waist and water drops clinging to his skin. a sight you miss seeing, one that always plays back. “did i wake you? i’m sorry.” he says, taking his clothes from the drawer

“it’s okay.. actually can we talk?” you asked, sitting up.

“yeah sure, just let me get dressed okay?” heeseung goes back into the bathroom, getting his clothes on as quick as he can.

heeseung steps out, sitting besides you. “everything okay?”

you nodded no. “are we gonna keep pretending that it didn’t happen?” you tapped your fingers gently against the blanket, waiting for his response.

“do you want to? because i haven’t been able to stop myself from thinking about it.” heeseung says, his voice a little more rougher than usual.

you swallow, feeling the weight of his words settle between the two of you. there’s a brief moment of silence, you don’t know what you expected, but it definitely wasn’t this. parts of you wanted to brush it off and pretend it never happened. you heart beats a little faster, you meet with his gaze.

“i don’t know..” you whispered, now unable to make eye contact with him.

heeseung doesn’t say anything at first, he shifts closer to you. his eyes drop to your lips just for a second, before returning to your eyes. his hands rest on the blanket, inches away from yours. “we don’t have to anything, especially if you’re not comfortable.”

“but i’m not gonna pretend that it didn’t happen.”

you bit your lip nervously, you want to kiss him, you really do. so what’s holding you back? you just didn’t want to do it if it would make things more complicated than they already are.

before you can make a decision, heeseung leans in slightly, his hand grazing against yours. “tell me what you want.” he whispers, his voice soft and laced with vulnerability. “because i’m done pretending i don’t want this.”

a deep breath escaped you before you closed the gap, pressing your lips on his. it’s gentle at first, very tentative. a question, a moment of hesitation that quickly fades away when you feel his hands slide to your waist, pulling you closer. the kiss deepens, slow and aching, almost as if neither one of you wanted it to end.

“we should probably get to sleep”

“yeah we should.” heeseung responded, going under the covers beside you.

he faced the opposite way, giving you the space you deserved. no words were spoken after that, you laid awake in bed confused. what did your mind really want? did you want heeseung? or to keep playing this game where you test the waters to make sure this is worth getting into again.

the next morning was awkward.

you placed a coffee pod into the machine, preparing a cup for yourself. yunjin walks in, visibly exhausted. “mind making me a cup?” she asked, rubbing her eyes before reaching for a cup.

“sure.” you responded, grabbing another pod from the box.

yunjin braced against the kitchen island, her red hair a mess and tank top sliding off her shoulder. you’ve seen her like this multiple times, it wasn’t something new.

“so how was your first night with you know who..?” she whispered, talking quietly due to the thin walls of the cabin.

“eh..” you remove your coffee cup from the machine, clearly avoiding the topic of what happened last night.

“there’s something you’re not telling me.” yunjin, places her cup under the machine, letting you place the pod into and turning it on.

“ugh we kissed last night..” you groan. “it wasn’t supposed to happen, yet it did.” you pressed the buttons for the machine.

“you know what’s crazy..heeseung told jun and zu about what happened..”

“how do you know?” you gasped, shocked at the idea of heeseung telling his friends about what happened in your bedroom last night.

“jun mentioned it before he went to play video games with the boys.” yunjin smirked. “so did you cuddle…perhaps did something else?” she teased, going into the fridge for the creamer.

“woah.. absolutely not. we’re not on that level yet.” you laughed, taking the creamer from her hand.

“just saying .. you don’t know what could happen this week.” she took her finished cup of coffee to sit in the living room, turning on the fire pit with a match to keep the cabin cozy and warm.

“also.. do you mind making a cup for zuha? zu kept her up last night.” she laughed, setting the box of matches down and reaching for her cup.

“of course.” you laugh, setting down another cup under the machine.

when kazuha woke up, you caught her up with everything, you didn’t miss a single detail. you mentioned the hot tub and the close proximity you were in, and that moment in your bedroom where he kissed you, telling you he was done with the act. he wanted you for real.

“no way..” kazuha gasped, bringing her cup to her lips, to sip her coffee.

“mhm..” you hummed, you were in need of an escape, you couldn’t continue to think about heeseung, especially when you’re in the same setting as him.

you couldn’t stay in the airbnb forever, jun found a nearby ice rink for skating, you went to your room and began looking for an outfit. after getting dressed, you grabbed your jacket and hat. heeseung walked in as you left, taking a second to admire your outfit..

“pretty…” he mumbled under his breath. you pretended to not hear it, but deep down it made your chest tighten.

the group got into the rental, you once again got seated besides heeseung. the drive was quick, only having to spend 30 minutes beside each other. the rink was cold, couples were there, holding eachother as they skated.

you went skating a few times with heeseung when you were together, he knew you weren’t the best. in fact, heeseung could vividly remember all those times you were afraid to step on the ice because you were afraid of injuring yourself.

heeseung payed for your skates, bringing them to a nearby bench for you to put them on. you struggled to tie the laces, heeseung remembered that as well. he crouched down in front of you, tying your laces for you.

you smiled, this was sweet of him, especially since you two haven’t spoken since the morning begun. you held onto the edge of the rink for dear life, afraid of letting go.

“need help?” yunjin calls out, noticing your struggle.

“i’m okay” you replied, gripping onto the edge harder.

heeseung noticed your struggle, he grabs your hands from the edges gently. “come on, i wont let you fall.”

his gloved hand felt warm against yours, heeseung took it slow and steady with you. soon, you made it off the edge of the rink and into the middle. occasionally, his hand met with your waist, helping you balance.

“see, it’s not as bad as you think, just take it easy and slow.. maybe try to relax as well?” heeseung chuckled.

“easy for you to say.. you’re not the one risking a faceplant.”

“fair point. i’ll catch you if you fall.” heeseung holds onto you, being extra careful you don’t slip on the ice.

the way he said it—so casual and so sincere, it made your chest tighten.

for moments, you skated normally, still being nervous about tripping. your confidence grew a little more. your skates caught you in a groove, causing you to fall forward into heeseung.

heeseung caught you, his arm wrapping around your waist as you clung onto his jacket for support. the two of you froze, faces just inches apart.

“see?” he murmured, a teasing smile on his face. “told you i’d catch you.”

you stepped back, muttering a flustered “thank.” as your heart faced.

as the sun began to set along the mountains, the rink lights turned on. the group lingered or a while, but the biting chill in the air soon made everyone restless.

“alright i’m officially frozen.” kazuha announces, tugging her scarf more tighter around her neck. “can we go back now? it’s getting really cold.”

jun laughed. “yeah let’s head back. i also want hot cocoa.”

“hot cocoa sounds amazing..” heeseung agrees, opening the backseat door for you, allowing you to get to the back row.

when you arrived back at the cabin, the familiar smell of pine was rather welcoming. “i’m not moving for the next hour or so.” yunjin collapse onto the couch with a dramatic sigh.

“same.” you sit beside her, taking off your jacket and shoes.

heeseung sits beside you, examining your fingers, which were exposed to the ice earlier. “no injuries this time?” he asks, looking at your skin carefully.

“not this time .. thanks to you.” you smiled, showing him your clear skin along your fingers.

the group settled beside the fire pit, cups of hot cocoa in their hands as blankets draped over their legs. “let’s play a game.” zu suggests, putting his mug of cocoa down.

“what game?” you ask, bringing the mug to your lips for a slip of your hot beverage.

“truth or dare, obviously. i mean we’re all adult right? we can handle what dates and truth come to us.”

“oh god..” kazuha groaned, hiding her face behind the her mug of hot chocolate.

“come on.. it’ll be fun.” jun insisted. “we’re in the middle of nowhere in a cabin.. we need to embrace it.”

yunjin smirked. “fine.. if this turns into an interrogation, i’m out to the hot tub.”

“are you in?” heeseung whispered, his eyes softening as he looked at you.

you nodded yes, your focus going back on the group. “so who’s up first?”

yunjin points at jun. “baby, you first. truth or dare?”

jun almost chokes on his hot chocolate. “truth.. gotta play it safe the first round.”

“is it true you love my red hair?” she asks, leaning in to hear the answer.

“of course baby, your hair is beautiful.” jun replies, leaving yunjin a smiling mess.

“y/n! your turn. truth or dare.” jun points his finger at you.

“fuck..” you groan. “dare”

the circle gasps at your choice in dare, surprised you didn’t play it safe and pick truth.

“i dare you to kiss heeseung again.. or are you scared?” jun asks, leaning closer.

you turn to face heeseung, smashing your lips onto his. the kiss felt like a reconnecting spark, something you’d been craving since the previous night. his tongue lapped with yours, you wanted to pull away but you didn’t. in fact, it was kazuha who made you pull away.

“damn y/n.. save that for later..” kazuha pulls you gently off of heeseung, a faint blush creeping onto your cheeks.

the game resumed, multiple truths and dares being spread along the group. it began to grew late and you began to get ready for bed. you pulled the blanket over your leg, getting comfortable for the cold night. heeseung comes into bed a few minutes later, he smiled at you, giving your forehead a gentle kiss.

“you’re beautiful you know ..” heeseung smiles, brushing a strand of hair out of your face.

you smiled, your attention going back to your phone. as you finished up your last next to your sister, you noticed something from the corner of your eyes.

a faint glow from heeseung’s phone caught your eyes. he was lying besides you, slightly propped up against the pillow. his fingers moving over the screen quickly. you didn’t think too much of it at first—everyone texted before bed, but something about the way his face softened made your stomach twist.

your gaze flickered back to your own screen, trying to ignore this current feeling. it’s probably nothing .. but then you saw it, a little heart glaring against the white text bubble.

you swallowed hard, you felt your chest tightening. who was he texting? why on earth was he sending hearts?

“heeseung..” you asked softly.

“hm..” he continued to tap away at his phone.

“what’re you doing..”

“messaging jun about plans for tomorrow.” heeseung replied, not missing a beat.

you nodded slowly, doubt still lingering in your mind. jun wouldn’t be receiving hearts, especially not from heeseung. you shifted, turning your back against him. you tried to calm down the storm brewing in your head.

minutes passed, you couldn’t fall asleep. you couldn’t shake off the feeling of wondering who he was texting, not to mention while you were right beside him.

“goodnight.” he whispered beside your ear, before turning away from you and going to sleep.

sleep did not come easy that night, you wanted to see for yourself who he was talking to, but you couldn’t just pick up his phone without his permission.

the next morning you woke up before heeseung, the soft light of dawn peeked through the curtains. you gently slipped out of bed and went to the kitchen, seeing yunjin sitting by the kitchen island, sipping on her coffee.

“you okay?” she asks, taking a sip from her cup.

“i’ve seen better days.” you shrugged it off, grabbing an iced coffee from the refrigerator.

“come on.. we’re on vacation, we’re supposed to have no troubles on vacation remember?” yunjin stands in front of you. she’s always been that person, one who will find out what’s wrong no matter what.

“heeseung was texting someone last night. he sent a heart as well.” you opened your coffee, taking a rather long sip from it.

“that’s insane .. are you gonna ask him about it.”

“i don’t know..” you tried to shake off the feeling,but it continues to eat at you.

breakfast was silent. jun and zu decided to make a huge breakfast, it was amazing, except for the fact that you didn’t say a single word to heeseung. at breakfast, kazuha caught onto your silence, quickly pulling you into the pantry to get the details.

“what’s going on, why are you two so silent?” kazuha asks, whispering softly through the thin door of the pantry.

“nothing important really. just heeseung sending hearts to some girl.” you waved it off, trying to not think much of it.

kazuha raised an eyebrow, but she didn’t press any further. at the table, jun joked about the previous game of truth or dare, oblivious to the silent war between you and heeseung.

when the group decided to take a shopping trip to the outlets, you decided to walk ahead, heeseung remained in the back, his hands in his pocket and hoodie over his head.

“don’t know what’s going on with you two.. but the tension is breaking my heeyn heart.” jun muttered to heeseung, when he thought nobody was listening.

“drop it man. i don’t know why she’s not talking to me.” heeseung replied, his voice more quieter than usual.

yunjin helped you with your bags, leaning close to your ear without making it noticeable. “you need to talk to him.” she whispered, “he’s clueless.”

you sigh, adjusting your scarf, trying to avoid the topic. “maybe later.”

that night, the cabin was quieter than usual. the couples were cuddled together on the couch watching a cheesy horror movie. you managed to slip away, lying about your exhaustion.

once in the room, you sank into the edge of the bed, staring at the glowing screen of your phone. the urge to find out who he was talking to was almost overwhelming. you tossed your phone to the nightstand and closed your eyes, trying to get some sleep.

why did it hurt so much? you weren’t even together—not officially. but the kiss? the way he looked at you during truth or dare? that small moment of intimacy in the hot tub? they all felt real.

your mind wondered to the person he was texting. was it a girl? maybe it was a family member? an old talking stage trying to reconnect? the thought twisted your stomach, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth.

when the door creaked open, you pretended to be asleep. heeseung hesitated in the doorway, before making his way to the bed.

“why are you mad at me?” heeseung whispered, brushing a strand of hair out of your face.

you didn’t answer, keeping your back turned to him.

“please tell me why..” he murmured softly, before lying down besides you.

“do you really want to know why?” you sat up in the bed, looking over at him.

“yeah actually.. tell me.” heeseung turns to face you, his eyes giving you their full attention.

you take a deep breath, collecting yourself. “i saw you texting someone last night. you sent them hearts.”

realization dawned upon his face, but heeseung quickly shook his head. “you mean kim? she’s just a—“

“a friend?” you cut him off, your voice laced with disbelief. “you don’t just send hearts to a friend, especially when you’re over here giving me the wrong idea.”

“it wasn’t like that y/n.” heeseung says, defensively. “kim was just asking me about something. i can’t talk to girls now?”

his explanation only made you angrier. “you just don’t get it.” you snapped, your voice rising with anger. “it’s not about how it meant to you. it’s about how it feels, seeing it from someone else’s angle.”

heeseung’s jaw tightened, his fists clenching against the blanket. “you’re overreacting now. i didn’t do anything wrong.”

those words stung like a slap, and you recoiled, your chest tightened with a mix of anger and hurt. “fine.” you said coldly, turning away from him. “if that’s what you think then.”

“y/n..”

“goodnight heeseung.” your voice was final, and he knew better than to push further.

heeseung let out a deep sigh, lying down with a frustrated huff. the distance between you in the bed felt wider than ever. eventually, heeseung went to sleep in the living room. maybe this was your chance to cool off?

the following mornings were painfully quiet. heeseung would sleep on the couch every night, leaving you wide awake in bed every night. you and heeseung moved around each other as if you were strangers. the group didn’t notice at first, but yunjin quickly caught on when she noticed heeseung’s blanket and pillow folded neatly on the untouched side of the couch.

later that day, you and the girls decided to watch a movie. the girls caught onto you avoiding heeseung like magnets repelling. “what’s going on?” kazuha asks, passing you the bowl of popcorn.

“isn’t it obvious?” you take the bowl from her hands, placing a few pieces in your mouth. “me and heeseung got into a fight the other night.”

both yunjin and kazuha gasp, they weren’t expecting this one. that explains why heeseung’s belongings were in the living room. this also explains why the two of you haven’t interacted. but why?

“im never talking to him again.” you laugh, sipping on your soda. “it’s not happening.”

you lied. you knew if heeseung came crawling back with an apology, you’d forgive him within seconds.

meanwhile, the boys were having a movie night in jun and yunjin’s room. all three boys sat on the bed, a bowl of popcorn on zu’s lap.

“if i may, what’s going on with you and y/n.” zu whispers, grabbing his drink from the nearby table.

“she got mad over something.. something stupid.” heeseung’s mood suddenly changes, rethinking what went on between the two of you in the bedroom.

“don’t leave us hanging.. what was it?” jun asks, taking the bowl of popcorn from zu.

“you guys remember kim from that restaurant we like, she hit me up the other night.. i got carried away okay. that’s all im saying.” heeseung went silent, refusing to share anymore details.

jun gets up from the bed, turning off the movie. “this is not how we’re spending our last night here. sad over some girl and watching christmas movies.” that’s when he came up with an “amazing” idea.

zu grabs the case of beer that was cooling in the refrigerator. the boys ditch their clothes and put on their swim trunks and get into the hot tub. jun, heeseung, spend the night drinking. beer after beer, the group got tipsy as the night progressed. they laughed over ridiculous jokes, planned their next trip (this time only with boys)

as midnight, the boys were drunk out of their mind. they stumbled to their room doors, however heeseung stumbled back to your room. you heard the door creak open, you open your eyes slowly to find heeseung trying to close the door without waking you up.

heeseung turns around, startled as he sees you sitting up in bed. “shit y/n, you scared me.” heeseung mumbles, walking slowly towards the bed.

“sorry.” you muttered bluntly, fixing your tank top strap as it draped down your shoulder.

“please.. let me make it up to you.” he sits beside you, his cold hand caressing your warm skin.

you were absolutely drawn to this version of heeseung, the version who was drunk and vulnerable. parts of you wanted to pull away, but the way his hands felt on your skin, it was hard to resist. you turned away, causing heeseung to leave you alone in the bedroom.

heeseung went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him as he washed his body off from the hot tub. the water was steamy yet warm, it felt relieving just to stand under it. the shower doors covered with steam, creating a quiet atmosphere.

without thinking, you got up from the bed, making your way to the bathroom. you pushed the door open quietly, stepping into the steam filled room. heeseung didn’t notice you standing there, he was completely immersed in the warmth of the water.

when you stepped him, heeseung jumped slightly, his eyes widened as he saw you there. “what are you doing?” heeseung asks, his voice laced with confusion and his mind still blurry from the beer’s he drank.

you didn’t answer, instead your clothes rested on the counter besides his fresh change of clothes. you stepped into the shower, the steam rushing towards your face. heeseung blinked, his gaze flicked to your skin, now being covered with the essence of the steam. you stepped closer, his chest rising and falling due to being nervous, the alcohol still fogged up his mind.

heeseung let you close the gap, his hands twitching on his sides, determining what to do. slowly, he reached out to touch your skin, testing the waters.

“are you sure about this?” heeseung whispered, his voice rough from the alcohol.

you didn’t answer, instead you pressed your lips against his. “just shut up and kiss me.” you whispered along his lips, pulling him into another kiss. this kiss was tentative, the moment your mouths met, something shifted. heeseung pulled you closer by your waist, pulling you flush against him.

heeseung hands slid up and down your sides, unable to control and process reality. your hands made their way to his chest, fingers trailing his warm wet skin. heeseung pulled you closer, one arm around your waist, one hand gripping your thigh. you gasped, breaking the kiss for a brief moment. your breathing picked up, unable to process what just happened.

“so do you forgive me?” heeseung asks, pulling you closer to him, nearly pinning you against the shower wall.

“maybe..” you smile, looking up at his brown eyes.

“do i need to prove it? treat you like the only girl that matters?” heeseung smirked, his hand caressing the delicate skin on your back.

“actions speak louder than any words, idiot.” you smiled, pulling him back into another kiss.

last night was a blur.

you woke up to heeseung’s arm draped over your waist, and that’s when you remembered, that shared sweet intimacy in the shower, his sweet words. heeseung was just trying to make things right before leaving the cabin, seems like all you needed was some time to yourself.

you turned to face him, his chest rose and fell as he slept. somehow heeseung looked more at ease when he slept beside you. the cabin, which was once a place of your best memories as a couple, was also the place that brought you two together again, as a couple.

KiSS YOU THIS CHRISTMAS TAGLIST── OPEN @flwrstqr @coqhee @heechwe @jaklvbub @amoressb @yvnempire @bookloversomuch @rikiscarf @icyy-hoon (send a comment, you will be tagged in all fics of the series)

TAGLiST ❔❔── @elysianiki @flwrstqr @coqhee @kiss4noo @yvnempire @mygnolia @kairoot @heechwe @nshmuras @txnwvc @cupidhoons (send an ask or comment to be added)

[vermilionsun]

Since we’re doing part twos👀 Could you write more nsfw hcs for leander and ais? <3

Yes I can Yes I will Yes I did 💃

Ais

Aka choose one hair colour challenge failed

✩ Topping from the bottom

Self-explanatory. “Gives it almost as well as he takes it,” but he’s in charge babe, you stand no chance. He’ll treat you good though, don’t worry—

✩ Facefucking

YOUR FACE OR HIS, he doesn’t really mind. He knows to appreciate a good blowjob and loves having his mouth stuffed full of you. Man doesn’t ask for much. Plus he thinks it hot watching you manhandle him.

✩ 69

I see this man having an oral fixation—I can’t explain it. Sit on his face and suck him. As tiring as it is rewarding.

✩ M I R R O R S

He’ll be sitting on the edge of the bed, you on his lap, your back facing him. His veiny hands keep your thighs open as he makes you watch yourself bounce on him in the mirror and struggle to keep your balance and pace. Delicious.

✩ Pillow Prince(ss)

Let him treat you, okay?

✩ Comfort Sex

hEAR ME OUT WAIT— This man will never fuck you while he’s angry. That goes against a couple hundred of his moral codes, plus he would never want to hurt you. But, after some time, if things are getting heated, he will be slow, sensual, careful. He’ll apologise if he’s at fault. He’ll hold your hand and leave soft murmurs on the crook of your neck, kiss away any tears that might leave your eyes. Same goes if he knows you had had a rough day, accompanied by enough praises to make you see stars.

✩ S H O W E R

✩ Seasping

ON THAT NOTE— If he’s lying inside the waters of the Seaspring, presumably looking at the wall, and you climb in alongside him, well… He won’t bother to hide the gigantic smirk on his face that rivals the size of his boobs as he pulls you on his lap. It also serves as an amazing opportunity for a not-so-subtle fuck you to to Ocudeus.

✩ Exhibitionism–ish

He’d fuck you happily infront of a crowd to prove a point (with your consent of course). He’d take any chance thrown his way to brag about how amazing his partner is.

✩ Remote Control Vibrators

There has to be an alternative to that in the Touchstarved universe, right? Oh, that bastard’s smirk when he suddenly presses it to the highest setting from across the room while you’re in the middle of a conversation.

✩ Against the Table

✩ Spontaneous Sex

He’s definitely the type to randomly return home/come find you “because he’s horny.”

✩ Caught

He won’t stop his actions, just look at the person who walked in on you with a “what do you want?” look. Could easily pick up a conversation while fucking his partner’s brains out, 100%

✩ Up Skirt/Panties to the side

✩ Car

RIP Ais, you’d love late night car rides and car sex afterwards.

Leander

Aka the Nile is a river in Egypt

🗡  Nipple Play

This man’s tits are MASSIVE. Treat them well. Suck on them, twist and pull on them, make him cry.

🗡  Masochism

Self-explanatory.

🗡  Anal Toys

Previously mentioned he’s an ass guy, so make everyone a favour and ruin his ass (literally). B̶e̶a̶d̶s̶ w̶i̶l̶l̶ d̶o̶ t̶h̶e̶ j̶o̶b̶ j̶u̶s̶t̶ f̶i̶n̶e̶

🗡  RIDE HIM &

🗡  PULL HIS HAIR

Sit on his lap, pull his hair and force him to look at you while you ride his soul out of his dick. He’ll thank you once he’ll be able to speak again—give him a couple w̶e̶e̶k̶s̶ days though.

🗡  Magic

Of course, I will elaborate. If he can make flowers of light out of thin air, he most definitely can use his magic for other things, even to a small degree. A restraint, a shock of pleasure, and he most definitely will comply if asked (̶s̶h̶o̶w̶-̶o̶f̶f̶)̶.

🗡  Sleepy

Wake him up with a blowjob once, and you’ll have to continue that routine for the rest of both your lives. He’ll be completely bewitched, still groggy as me moans lowly and oh damn that deep morning voice…

🗡  Gag

It’s both hilarious and incredibly turning on. Try that with your panties, and the man has already cummed.

🗡  Lingerie

Talking about panties… The moment he lays his eyes on you and your fancy little outfit, he swallows dryly. His eyes go dark, and he has to reposition himself because he’s so hard. You’d expect him to rip them off of you immediately, but instead, he guides you to stand in front of his spread–out legs, his hands slowly trailing up your thighs to your ass and waist, feeling the way your skin transitions to the material, his chin resting against your stomach as you pet his hair.

“May I?”

“May you, what?”

“May I take these off?” He tugs at the fabric to make his point. “Please?”

M̶o̶n̶t̶h̶s̶ u̶n̶t̶i̶l̶ y̶o̶u̶ w̶a̶l̶k̶ n̶o̶r̶m̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶.

🗡  Cumming Untouched

Too easy to achieve with this man.

🗡  Under the desk

The bar, specifically. It’s beyond amusing watching him try to keep his composure in front of the patrons while you’re sucking him off so beautifully.

🗡  G̶l̶o̶r̶y̶ H̶o̶l̶e̶

He̶ w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶, o̶k̶a̶y̶?̶!̶ D̶o̶n̶'t̶ c̶o̶m̶e̶ a̶t̶ m̶e̶

🗡  Candle/Wax Play

He had set them up to make a “romantic atmosphere” but the second your eyes darted to the candle closest to you while you were on top of him… yeah, he might have slightly regretted his decision (s̶p̶o̶i̶l̶e̶r̶s̶:̶ h̶e̶ d̶i̶d̶n̶'t̶ a̶c̶t̶u̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ a̶n̶d̶ y̶o̶u̶ d̶i̶d̶ i̶t̶ a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶).

🗡  Public Humiliation

It’s literally canon.

🗡  Caught Masturbating

“Come on darling, won’t you help me a little?”

[scoonsalicious]

9.2 Major

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: Lily McIntyre, trainer for new SHIELD recruits at the Avengers Tower, has been in love with her best friend, Bucky Barnes, from the moment she met him. She's been content with her role of the #1 girl in Bucky's life, even if it means she has to sabotage a romantic relationship or two. It'll be worth it when he realizes that they're meant for each other, right? There's just one small problem: Lily McIntire never expected Bucky Barnes to fall for You.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mentions of past cheating.

Word Count: 2.3k

Previously On...: Bucky and Lily had a conversation. Now Lily knows you and Bucky are dating.

A/N: Sorry this is late; I had to clean out my office after hours today. It was... an experience, to say the least :/

If you ever feel so inclined to support my work, hop on over to buy me a coffee; it's much appreciated! <3

NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when new story parts drop, please follow @scoonsaliciousupdates

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

“I think you’re a fucking idiot,” your best friend, Hannah Santiago, said to you as you sat in the coffee shop across the street from The WarZone. She had been furious with you when you hadn’t answered her texts all weekend, so you promised her a lunch date to catch her up on your last few days in the company of one Bucky Barnes.

She did not appear to be taking it very well.

“Why?” you asked, mildly insulted. “He’s amazing, Han. I think you’ll really like him when you get to know him.”

Hannah rolled her eyes at you. “Oh, I’m sure he’s a peach,” she agreed with just a hint of sarcasm. “Though I’d probably feel better about it if you got to know him, too, before shacking up with him for days on end!”

“It’s NRE,” you told her, as if that perfectly explained the intense connection you felt you shared with Bucky. “That New Relationship Energy.”

“Oh my god,” Hannah groaned. “Get off of TikTok. You’re too fucking old for that shit.” A mother at the next table over with an infant in a stroller gave her a disapproving look and audibly tsked at her, but Hannah just responded with a glare.

“It’s great for marketing,” you grumbled.

“Look,” Hannah conceded with a sigh, “I’m sure this guy is wonderful, really. But (Y/N), sweetie, you haven’t had a serious relationship since you and Connor split.” You opened your mouth to protest, despite knowing she was right, but Hannah silenced you with a look. “I’m not saying I don’t want you to get back out there; lord knows it's past time– I just want you to be smart about it and not rush into anything headfirst with someone you barely know.”

Logically, of course, you knew Hannah was right. “He suggested we should put a pause on having sex so we can focus on getting to know each other better,” you offered. 

Hannah raised a well-manicured eyebrow. “Okay, that’s interesting,” she said. “Especially if it was as good as you said it was.”

You dropped your chin into your hand as you rested your elbow against the table and sighed dreamily. “Hannah, it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I swear, I don’t even know if I can call anything Connor ever gave me an actual orgasm after then things Bucky’s done to my body.”

The mother at the next table muttered something about “inappropriate talk” under her breath, but loud enough that you both could hear her. 

“Last time I checked,” Hannah said pointedly at you, though projecting her voice so that you knew it was actually for the other woman’s benefit, “‘inappropriate’ speech is still free speech. So sue me, please.”

You rolled your eyes good naturedly. As a First Amendment litigator, Hannah took Freedom of Speech extremely seriously. “Han,” you warned. “Let it go. This isn’t a courtroom.”

“Fine,” your friend said, ignoring the mother as she stood up and walked away with her stroller. “I’m just worried about you,” she said. “The last time you jumped headfirst into a relationship without really knowing the guy, you ended up married for nine years.”

You hated that she was right– you did have a track record of impulsive relationship decisions. “I appreciate you looking out for me,” you offered, reaching out to squeeze Hannah’s hand across the table. 

“So, do you really see this turning into a long term thing?” Hannah asked, genuinely curious. “Because I’ll support you if you do; I’ll just tell you I told you so if it all falls apart at your feet.”

“I think I do,” you told her, choosing to ignore her jab about rubbing failure in your face. “I know it’s early, but… I’m happy when I’m with him. There’s just the one issue with his–” You paused, not quite sure you wanted to divulge the Lily-sized elephant in your relationship with Bucky just yet.

“One issue with what?” Hannah asked. “And you better not say ‘nothing,’ otherwise I will use my cross examination skills against you,” she threatened. 

Having no desire to subject yourself to that, you relented. “It’s just… he’s got this female best friend–”

“Oh, hell no!” Hannah said, loudly enough to attract the attention of most of the other coffee shop patrons. “Nope, we are not doing this, (Y/N). I will not stand by and watch you go through that all over again.”

Truthfully, this was the reaction you had been expecting. “I’m not the same person I was back then, Han,” you protested. “Bucky’s not Connor, and Lily’s not Danielle.”

You understood your friend’s anger on your behalf. When Connor had promised you there was nothing between him and his childhood best friend, Danielle, you’d naively believed him, despite the gnawing sensation in your gut that told you something wasn’t right with their relationship. It was years before the instinct grew enough to convince you to look at his phone and you had found thousands of text messages between the two of them. You’d promptly thrown up.

His reaction had been textbook. At first, he tried to gaslight you– you didn’t see what you thought you saw; you were taking innocent conversations out of context (though, you weren’t sure how much context the exchanging of nudes really needed). Then, he tried to shift the blame on you– you were never around, always away on deployment or assignments. You emasculated him by getting promoted again and again, until you outranked him, and how was he supposed to live with that? Finally, he love bombed you, showering you with compliments and praise, begging you to forgive him, making promises you knew he would never keep, telling you he’d do anything to get you to stay.

Except for cutting off all contact with Danielle, apparently. He was willing to do anything, anything at all to regain your trust… just not the one thing you’d actually asked of him.

In the end, the divorce had been relatively straight forward. You weren’t stupid. You’d made sure to take screenshots of all of the text conversations between him and his mistress in case he deleted them. You’d even recorded the conversation you had with him when you confronted him, and he’d actually admitted to it. 

There were a lot of things you had disliked about the United States Army, but their stance on cheating hadn’t been one of them. Connor had ended up demoted, and you were able to maintain all of your financial assets without having to shell out anything for spousal support, despite the fact that you had out-earned him by more than double. 

As for Danielle? Well, you became an expert at giving her the cold shoulder and pretending like she didn’t exist.

“You never thought Connor would end up like Connor, either,” Hannah told you pointedly. “And yet.”

You sighed. Your friend had a point, you knew she did, but you just couldn’t imagine Bucky doing that to you. 

“Look, I’m not trying to shit in your cornflakes,” Hannah said. “I love you and I’m worried about you. I don’t want to see you rush into something and make the same mistakes again. That’s all.”

“I know, I know,” you agreed. And you really did. Hannah had been your biggest source of support when your marriage had gone to hell. She’d set you up with your attorney, let you stay with her while your housing situation got sorted, and had been your shoulder to cry on all the nights you had too much to drink and swore you were going to die alone. 

“Look, I promise to not jump into anything crazy,” you assured her. “I’ve learned my lesson.”

*

After saying your goodbyes to Hannah so she could return to her firm, you headed back over to The WarZone, hoping to get yourself absorbed in some work so you could get your mind off of Hannah’s worries before they became your worries, too. Natasha should be arriving shortly for her standing Tuesday appointment, and you were hoping to chat with her for a few minutes once she was done. 

The bell above the entry door rang cheerfully as you pushed your way inside, but the atmosphere in the lobby felt unnaturally heavy. You looked up from your phone to see Rand leaning against the reception desk with his arms crossed, glaring at someone across the room, and Zadie trying to pretend to look busy at her computer.

You followed Rand’s gaze and locked eyes with Bucky. His giant frame was spread out across one of the lounge chairs, and he seemed to have been watching Rand with a puzzled sort of wariness. When he turned to look at you, though, a blinding smile broke across his face that made your knees feel weak.

“Hey, sugar,” he greeted, standing up and making his way toward you. 

You moved to meet him halfway. “Hiya, Sarge,” you said, putting your arms around his neck and standing on your toes to kiss him hello. “I missed you.” 

“Oh yeah?” he asked, a teasing glint in his eye as his hands settled on your hips. “I just saw you yesterday.”

“Lotta lonely hours between then and now, Bucky,” you told him evocatively, toying your fingers through the hairs at the nape of his neck.

The loud sound of a clearing throat brought your attention back to Rand, who was looking at you in disbelief. “Really?” he asked.

“Oh, sorry–” you said, purposefully ignoring Rand’s meaning. “Where are my manners? Bucky, this is my office assistant, Zadie–” Zadie waved enthusiastically from her perch behind the reception desk, “-- and my Midtown location manager, Rand. Guys,” you said, taking an excited breath, “this is Bucky.”

“It’s so nice to meet you, Bucky,” Zadie said enthusiastically, and you knew the orchid and note he had sent you on Saturday had definitely won her over to his side. “Major’s told us so much about you.”

“Yeah,” added Rand through gritted teeth, “we’ve heard an awful lot about you, Mr. Barnes.” You shot him a look, silently pleading for him to be nice, or at least remove himself before he said something offensive.

“It’s nice to meet you both, as well,” Bucky said, ever the gentleman. He made to move, and you highly suspected he was going to try to shake hands with them. While you had no doubt Zadie would be friendly, you wouldn’t put it past Rand to just be a dick for the hell of it, so you wrapped your arms around Bucky’s midsection and drew yourself toward him, keeping him in place.

“So,” you began, hoping to distract him from your manager’s open hostility, “to what do I owe the pleasure? Because it is a pleasure to see you, especially when unexpected.”

Bucky smiled and moved a hand to brush a lock of hair away from your face. “Nat mentioned she was coming down for her weekly visit,” he said. “She invited me to come join her; thought I’d like to check out the place for myself.” He leaned in to whisper conspiratorially: “And if I just so happened to run into this pretty girl I’ve had my eye on, well, that would be a bonus.”

His words made your insides dance, leaving you feeling like a giddy teenager. “You’ll have to let me know if she shows up, Sarge,” you teased. “I’ll try to put a good word in for you.”

“You’d do that for me? Thanks, doll,” he grinned.

“Of course, handsome. Where is Nat, anyway?” you asked. The redhead hadn’t been in the lobby when you came in.

“She had to take a phone call. Avengers stuff,” Bucky offered with a shrug. “She shouldn’t be too long.”

As if on cue, the main door opened and Natasha breezed into the lobby. She caught sight of you and Bucky with your arms around one another immediately and threw a knowing smirk your way. “Sorry ‘bout that,” she said. She turned to Bucky and rolled her eyes. “Fury had some questions about the last mission that apparently couldn’t be saved for an email.”

“Fucking bureaucracy,” he muttered. 

“Tell me about it.” Nat’s frown quickly transformed into delighted glee as she rubbed her hands together. “Alright, Barnes. You ready to fuck some shit up?”

“Oh,” chirped Zadie. “I’m sorry, Ms. Romanoff; we didn’t have you down for a doubles’ room. Just your usual single.”

“Zadie, just move them to a VIP room,” you told your office assistant. You turned to Nat. “That should be more than big enough for the both of you.”

“They’re also significantly extra in price,” Rand interjected. 

“Waive the fee,” you said. 

“Sugar,” Bucky said, looking down at you, “that’s not necessary; we can pay the difference.”

“I’m not going to make my boy– er, um… my friends pay for an upgrade I offered them that they didn’t ask for. For fucks’ sake, Rand.” You hoped no one noticed your slipup, but the way Bucky was grinning down at you and squeezing your hip let you know it hadn’t gotten past him at all. 

“No problem, Major,” Zadie said. “Room 5c is available and all ready to go.”

“I’m sure you’re busy being the big boss, doll,” Bucky said as you moved to escort him and Nat to the elevators. You’d be having a chat with Rand later. “But any chance you could join us? I’d really like my first time to be with you.”

“Oh my god,” gagged Natasha. “You’re pathetic, Barnes. Seriously. That was bad.”

“So bad,” you agreed with a laugh, “but it worked.” You grinned at the both of them. “Yeah, of course I’ll help you pop your rage room cherry.”

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[batsplat]

Chad reed on always the entourages creating the drama. I cannot believe that is what caused rosquez downfall but also given the level of Vale's celebrity and the way he carried himself, I can totally believe that it was the entourage (iPad stand I'm looking at you) that brought the end

(about reed's 2020 quotes in this) yeahhh I mean the downfall was caused by a whole bunch of factors, not just any one thing... like all great tragic narratives, it feels inevitable from a global perspective and yet thoroughly preventable in its specifics, with loads of points where you think, 'oh, if things had just gone a little bit differently'... there's this tension in how, in the end, maybe it would've always gone wrong, but a lot had to come together for it to go wrong in quite such a spectacular fashion

reed's definitely correctly identified one of the factors - the entourages, and valentino's entourage specifically. though fwiw, I did cut off the article before reed predicted the marc/fabio rivalry was headed a similar way (this was from 2020, obviously before the arm injury):

for better or for worse, fabio has skipped the villain arc to head straight to the depressed frenchie arc

regardless of whether this rift would have happened or not, the idea that marc would have gotten a new appreciation for the situation valentino found himself in is at least an interesting one. though if anything, the rivalry with fabio would have more closely paralleled valentino's with the other aliens (new talent coming through, but with the previously dominant rider still a regular winner). now is the time marc's learning what it feels like to come back from a prolonged absence from being competitive at the highest level - and of course with a new superstar simultaneously making his debut

so yeah, anyway, tragedy, you can point to all sorts of strains and pressures and tension inherent to professional sport that were exacerbated by the personalities involved and the influence of the media and the passage of time etc etc. but never mind all that, let's get back to entourages! I know you mention everybody's favourite b-list shakespeare villain, but I'm going to basically mostly ignore him because it's well-trodden ground. yeah, it does help to have one guy who's whispering poison into your ear for a prolonged stretch of time before showing up at your motorhome doorstep with a bunch of telemetry and a dream. and yeah, there were people in valentino's entourage definitely encouraging this path to doom. but what I'm also interested in is the flip side - why nobody stopped him

I would like to submit into evidence this passage detailing the thoughts of vale's mechanic alex briggs. now briggs in this excerpt blames two groups for how things went down in 2015:

the yamaha side (specifically the press group) for not talking him down from the ledge before the presser

the crew chief and other assorted italians on the team for being too "yessy" and not standing up to him

let's briefly (for a given value of the word) focus on the first one. if you're a random yamaha pr person and you see the valentino rossi run to a press conference (given he was late) with a bunch of papers in his hands (well, he's not actually holding the papers in those gifs, but presumably somebody's got them), it's probably a tough ask to expect you to hold up the valentino rossi and ask him what exactly he's intending to do with those papers. also, is he really going to back off because you, random yamaha pr person, have asked him to please not accuse the competition of sabotage? added context is that some at yamaha were aware of what valentino thought about the race at phillip island (which we'll get to in a sec), but god knows if the pr people did. unless he confided in anyone on the yamaha side what the plan was, a lot of them would have been blindsided too - which does come back to the problem of how big a deal valentino is and how maybe you're a little more cautious about questioning what he's about to do with those papers than you would be with somebody else. it does feel like perhaps a bit too much to expect for them to have launched some last-minute intervention, or to even know what kind of intervention they could have gone for beyond low-level comedy hijinks to stop him from even getting to that room. why did nobody from yamaha place a banana skin in his path

but we do know that at least some in yamaha were aware of valentino's great big phillip island sabotage theory, because lin jarvis has very helpfully told us as much (from the post-sepang media scrum):

Q: Do you think it was a mistake for Valentino to [provoke?] Marc so much on Thursday with a very personal and hard attack? Jarvis: There are always many different ways of addressing different problems - Valentino chose to do it in that way. Perhaps that is what provoked Marc into being quite aggressive on the track. I really don't know, you need to ask Marc not me about that. Every action has a consequence. That's life. Q: And did you know before that Valentino was going to be so aggressive with Marc in the press conference? Did you know before? Did you discuss with Valentino about this decision or you didn't know until it happened? Jarvis: Personally, I was not aware of that. I was aware of Valentino's opinion of the race in Australia, but I was not aware... but I was not aware that he would - Q: Don't you think because Valentino at the end of the day is an employee of Yamaha he should discuss before with you about such an important decision, to attack a rider of another factory in such a heavy way [...]? Jarvis: You can't control every incident, everything that happens and you know, generally we have a very good [...] relation, connection with our riders, we talk to them before about things before, but anyway I think this is something Valentino felt strongly about and it was his decision and that's it.

note the use of the word "personally", which does leave the door open to others within yamaha (outside of valentino's inner circle) knowing what was going to happen. jarvis, unsurprisingly, comes down pretty firmly on the side of 'well what were we supposed to do'. given that jarvis admits he knew valentino's theory and is hardly a stranger to valentino's modus operandi - after all, he was already team boss at the time of another tense press conference in sepang eleven years prior that took place in the wake of valentino accusing a competitor of messing with him - you do have to wonder whether yamaha could not have tried a little harder to stop valentino. but again, accounting for the power of valentino's status and the power of his character, I'm personally unconvinced yamaha could've done much to convince valentino to change his mind

so then: the italians. a little bit of context - briggs started working with crew chief jerry burgess in 1994 and both of them were on mick doohan's team for all of his five 500cc titles. when doohan's injuries forced his retirement, valentino inherited his championship-winning team upon moving up to 500cc. jb was vale's very first crew chief in the premier class, and him as well as briggs have been working with vale since december 1999. understandably, this is a very tightly-knit group. it is one that made the jump to yamaha with valentino - here's just a quick excerpt (also from oxley's valentino rossi: all his races) about briggs' thoughts on that move:

When Valentino decided to defect to Yamaha, he was determined to have his crew go with him. Only one stayed at HRC. "We first got to know about the Yamaha deal in Portugal, I think [September 2003]," Briggs continues. "I wanted to stay with JB, because I hadn't finished learning what I wanted to learn. "I remember a clandestine meeting in the car park at Phillip Island, about salaries and how everything was going to work. It was really exciting. When I very first started working with Honda the whole group was very much a team. Towards the end we felt like it started to become a bit us and them: the engineers and management, then the mechanics and the riders. They'd sort of got too big for their boots - they'd designed this wonderful bike, so it was like it had nothing to do with us. That made it easier to leave.

and also about the move to yamaha, from the 2020 barker biography of valentino:

But with his trusted crew chief Jerry Burgess and most of his other team members from the Honda garage agreeing to defect with him, Rossi had the crew he needed, not only to win but also to enjoy his racing. It was a heartening display of loyalty and something of a risk for all involved. ‘When I announced to the mechanics that I was going with Valentino they said, “I’m coming too,”’ Burgess later explained. ‘Some of those guys were leaving very secure jobs and taking a big gamble.’

the group also survived the move to ducati (obviously a deeply frustrating two years not just for the guy riding the bike) and the move back to yamaha. but then, valencia 2013, valentino announced his decision to fire jb in a press conference organised for the pair of them. his 2013 season had been deeply frustrating - yes, he had gotten a podium in his first race beating both marc and dani, but after that generally speaking he couldn't come close to matching the other aliens when healthy. he was comfortably the fourth best rider that year, scrapping and clawing his way through midfield battles and having to rely on misfortunes befalling the three title contenders to achieve his podiums and his sole victory at assen. he was considering retiring at the end of the 2014 season once his current contract expired, but wanted to try everything he could to see whether he could be competitive again against the world's very best. and so, he made the decision to roll the dice and get himself a new crew chief, the italian silvano galbusera

now I have to say, personally I have a lot of time for this decision (even if it was maybe not... uh, enacted in the most graceful of manners, given how sudden it was). I come from a sports background where a certain ruthlessness in personnel decisions is encouraged and generally praised - if something isn't working, you should have the courage to make a change, even if it's deeply uncomfortable (including on an interpersonal level). also, while it was a sudden departure, it's not like burgess was that keen on sticking around much longer (again from the same oxley book):

Valentino ended his collaboration very suddenly at the end of 2013. Burgess was shocked but not too much, because he already knew that he was coming to the end of his own career. "When it ended for me I'd already been doing it 30-odd years and I'd told Valentino a few weeks earlier that I wasn't going to sign any more multi-year contracts. I was 60 by then, so I'd go year by year. I'd already signed a contract for 2014, but I would've thought if we hadn't had any more success by then that there wasn't much point in continuing. I felt we would win more races but I was more doubtful about championships. "I'd read enough sporting biographies to know that sportsmen change their coaches towards the end of their careers. It can give them a spike in results but it doesn't change the overall story. Looking back, Valentino's career went on longer than I expected. He enjoyed some success but no more championships and that's what you race for. Of course he was in the unique position of being able to get a factory bike until he retired. He was very special and deserved everything he got."

which, look. again, personal bias, but to me it's reasonable to part ways with somebody who doesn't think any more titles are plausible, because at that point it's just somebody who has a very different view on your career than you do and may well not stick around for much longer anyway. also, at the end of the day, jb was wrong! valentino came extremely close to winning another title, and just because he didn't, doesn't change the fact he could have. if it had rained on the 8th of november 2015 in valencia, we might be having a very different conversation. (or if they hadn't changed the bloody qualifying format post-2012.) honestly, if the 2016 and to a lesser extent the 2017 season had gone just a little differently - a working bike in mugello here and an unbroken leg there - he could have been a genuine title threat in two more seasons. in any case, what it does show is that valentino even at the end of 2013 was still as determined as ever, was ready to engage in what was a huge gamble (given how almost all his success had come with the highly decorated jb) on the off chance he might find what it took to win again. this will not have been an easy decision for valentino. here's a write-up of the presser at valencia, that stresses how uncomfortable the occasion was, how surprising a decision it was to jb, but how publicly at least there was a lack of recriminations (which, to be fair, wouldn't be much fun to do in a shared presser):

(you'll note that the phrasing in the presser about athletes attempting to extend their carrers by changing things up is echoed in what he says in that book interview where he adds that it doesn't change the overall story, again suggesting he didn't really believe valentino would be competitive. he also uses the same phrasing in ANOTHER interview that confirms as much, but I think you get the point.) valentino said at the time, "it was a very difficult decision for me because I have a great history with jeremy. he is not just my chief mechanic. he is like part of my family. my father in racing". this is somebody he'd been working with since age 21, somebody who is not only revered within the paddock for his work with several of the sport's greats but is also a man who valentino obviously has a close personal connection to. meeting for the first time when vale snuck into the honda pit to check out the bike he might ride next season, hitting it off immediately, countless rowdy dinners together, parties, jb and another older colleague sitting back when food fights started, watching valentino grow up, working with him throughout all his big manufacturer switches, all his successes and all his failures... as much as anything else, it's evidence of how strong vale's desire to win was, how determined he continued to be, to make this choice at this stage of his career. and jb was open to the idea (at least publicly) that it might end up being a smart call:

the 'dirtiest' part of the whole affair is how it was actually carried out - it's not great form to tell your crew chief the day before you end up doing a press conference together to announce your choice. for whatever it's worth, this is how valentino justified the timeline:

and lastly, which I think is the most key part, is valentino's belief. because at the end of the day, the only reason why he's doing any of this, and the only reason why what was to come was possible at all, is that he himself still thought that he could challenge for another title - as much as that belief had come under strain:

now what this piece also goes on to say is that nobody believes this will work. nobody believes that firing jb will lead to better results. people expect that this is going to lead to his retirement, quite possibly at the end of 2014. it's worth just remembering sometimes how extraordinary valentino's return to the top of the game post-2013 really was, how it went against how we expect a rider's competitive lifecycle to work, went far beyond the longevity exhibited by any top rider before or since - all while going up against riders who are widely believed to be some of the best to ever do it. valentino beat jorge in both 2014 and 2016, and remains one of two people to outscore prime marc marquez over the course of a season. not to engage in too much rossi prop here, but sepang 2015 can't really be understood without all the frustration that led up to it, to this one golden chance, this miracle that everybody had believed to be impossible (sometimes even valentino). this wasn't supposed to be happening. it was happening. and then, so so close to the finish line, valentino could feel it slipping, slipping, slipping away

but of course, we still don't know whether changing crew chiefs is the key factor that made him competitive again. maybe he just needed a bit longer to get back into the swing of things post-ducati disaster. maybe the bikes just started to suit him better. hey, maybe it was that nifty exercise regime he'd engaged in a wee spot of espionage for so that he could pinch it off his teammate. what we can say, however, is that valentino's choice both tells us a lot about his mindset, as well as (to finally bring us back to the actual point of this post) representing a massive shift in his 'entourage'. this is what briggs is referring to in his quote - the italians. the new crew chief. the people who couldn't stand up to valentino. now obviously, as mentioned above briggs had worked with jb for the better part of twenty years and can hardly be considered a neutral party. here were briggs' feelings on the matter (yeah it's from the same oxley book again, I got it new for eighteen quid which is a very generous price, would recommend):

When JB was out at the end of 2013 it was like losing my mechanic dad. I remember being in the garage when we found out about it. Then they arranged a kind of farewell, a kind of hodgepodge farewell. It was terrible, I didn't like any of it. I was just hiding behind one of the bikes in the garage, crying, going, what's going on here? It didn't seem right to me. I think maybe Valentino thought he would get faster again sooner, but I think it took at least a year to get the taste of the Ducati out of his mouth. I think if he'd stayed with JB we would've won the championship in 2015.

which. look. we don't have time to unpack all that. but. the point is that obviously briggs wasn't exactly a massive fan of the change within valentino's team, and his comments about the 2015 season do have to be read with that in mind. as to whether vale really would have done better in 2015 with jb at his side, your guess is as good as mine. all that being said, a part of me wonders how much losing that grounding presence enabled valentino's late-2015 spiral. maybe not in terms of talking valentino out of the great big fluctuating lap times treachery theory - to state the obvious, valentino got himself involved in plenty of drama during jb's time as a crew chief. jb himself occasionally helped add fuel to the fire in those feuds, like his infamous comment about how he would be able to fix the ducati's issues in 80 seconds that casey still brings up every three business days (the comments were poorly phrased but also somewhat taken out of context, in that jb was talking about a specific set-up problem). he's generally been pretty happy to be forthright about valentino's rivals, for instance this about casey:

My feeling at the time was that Casey probably only had one game plan, and having watched Casey over the years, he doesn't have a plan B. If it doesn't go his way from the outset, it's probably one of the weaknesses that he had through the youth that he had, through the lack of experience that he had. That's not a criticism of him per se, he was still only 22 at the time.

(this is about laguna seca 2008 and how he helped valentino win that race, including in plotting out vale's rather ruthless tactics - which casey was of course not exactly a fan of.) or these. uh. harsh comments about dani from spring 2010:

Q: Is that atmosphere or track knowledge? Is it like the Spanish finding something extra at the racetracks in Spain? JB: Well, therein we show the weakness, don't we? If you can get up on that weekend, on the technical racetracks of Spain, why can't you get up on the technical racetracks like Australia, where the Italians do? Lorenzo is a guy who will and does. Stoner has been able to get up on tracks all over the world. Unfortunately, Dani Pedrosa's into his 6th year in MotoGP, and he's won 8 races, Jorge Lorenzo's two months into his 3rd and he's won 6. It's night and day between those two, is the way I see it. Dani's an extremely fast rider, but a shockingly poor racer. Q: Were you surprised at Jerez [2010] when Pedrosa fought back when Lorenzo passed him? JB: When did Dani fight back? With two laps to go, and he didn't even get close enough to try to come back. Dani has never been a fighter in races, he's a lovely kid, don't get me wrong, but you can see that Lorenzo, having Pedrosa in front of him, it was never going to be the way he was going to finish that race. He was going to finish on the ground or he was going to finish in front of Pedrosa. That's the sort of race that we want, we had that with Biaggi and Valentino, and from history with Schwantz and Rainey. All the good riders have always had somebody they have had to put the target on the back of. It was Doohan and Gardner, and Doohan won that battle hands down, and I think Jorge Lorenzo's going to win this battle [with Pedrosa] hands down.

kind of a dick! so his attitude to valentino being valentino has generally been a) well having enemies is good, actually, with an added slice of b) good luck to his enemies :) - see also this quote (from the barker biography) in the context of the gibernau rivalry:

And that made Rossi even more dangerous, as Jerry Burgess pointed out: ‘Valentino is the sort of rider I wouldn’t want to get angry. He can take you apart on the track.’

so yes, jb is also perfectly brutal in his own right, as you presumably have to be to work alongside valentino so closely for so long. he is, however, also somebody valentino has a massive amount of respect for, somebody who helped turn him into a legend and is responsible for a lot of vale's success - not least, of course, in the pivotal move to yamaha. he was replaced by a man of a far far lesser stature in the sport, one who presumably would have been grateful to valentino for the biggest job he was ever going to get. if briggs is right and there was a shift in valentino in 2015, surrounded as he was by italians (derogatory) who could not stand up to him, who allowed valentino to insist on war and peace on the pit boards, to focus more and more on things that had nothing to do with riding... it would be going a little too far to say that valentino was missing an adult in the room given he was, in fact, in his thirties and should have been capable of being that adult. and who knows what jb would have said or thought or done about the great big childhood hero deception theory. but sepang 2015 was the culmination of a lot of things, including a pressure cooker of a season that grew more and more tense and put more and more stress on everyone involved - perhaps for none more so than valentino. maybe, just maybe, if he'd had somebody around him with fifteen years of experience in handling him, who could have just occasionally told him to knock it off, to concentrate on the racing, to keep things simple (always jb's defining philosophy), to maybe not get so wrapped up in the great big spanish collusion theory...

or maybe it wouldn't have mattered! maybe we're getting cause and effect all wrong here; maybe valentino was deliberately fashioning his entourage into one that was only going to give him positive feedback. maybe he would have just stopped listening to jb, maybe the very decision to fire jb makes it clear he was no longer interested in what jb had to say. it's a tragedy, after all! maybe it was always going to go like this. maybe it was always going to end like this

speaking of entourages, marc's manager played a bit of a cameo role in fanning the flames just a little further (article from marca, 26/10/2015):

alzamora obviously will be somebody valentino is familiar with, having raced him in 125cc and also having just coexisted in the paddock over the years. valentino could of course be lying, but idk, why would he? he's already made his case by this point, and what if alzamora were to contradict him? if it's true and this conversation did happen, you do have to say it's a spectacularly unhelpful intervention from alzamora. even if marc was mad at valentino, why the hell are you telling valentino this AFTER sepang 2015? what's the plan here buddy

^ 1999 world champions: alzamora in 125cc, vale in 250cc and alex criville in 500cc. people think motogp lore is complicated but if you know like, five guys, you're set for about twenty years of drama

which does get to the heart of the matter - a lot of these people have big egos and their own agendas and they love to run their mouths. they like talking a big game and getting involved in things they really shouldn't be getting involved in. is reed right that these people in the riders' entourages 'created the drama'? well, no, I think the two men at the centre of this particular tragedy were plenty capable of doing that themselves. nevertheless, you can point to how professional sports (and motogp in particular) forces you to rely heavily on a small group of people to keep you sane at the centre of the storm, and the risks that can emerge when that small group collectively unmoors itself from reality. you can point to the perils of fame, both in making your reliance on your inner circle so unnegotiable as well as in providing you with the status and power and ego to ignore anyone who might wish to change your mind. you can point to specific figures in this story who managed to incite the conflict between the two of them, as well as how the pressure cooker competitive environment they were operating within helped set up the ultimate catastrophe. you can point to how valentino lacked anyone with the power to stop him - both in the direct sense of forcing him to reconsider and the indirect sense of commanding his respect enough to make him see sense. maybe, just like in 2004, valentino had simply been "looking for an excuse" and he was always headed down this path. or maybe if somebody had just held him back a little that year, kept him focused on his riding, maybe if the right person had intervened at the right time...

maybe, maybe, maybe. that's why it's a tragedy

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Incident Reports from Under the Skin, part 4

Incident Report of BIG NIGHT OUT WITH THE LADS Money Laundering Takedown, written by Jiang Feng and edited by Li Han

Incident Information:

Fuck my life o’clock 6:15pm on January 10th, events recorded herein occurred at the Botanical Gardens bc sure why not and the Won My Heart Casino ok but props to their marketing guy

Responding Officer: Captain Du Cheng and Officer Jiang Feng

Reporting Party: Previously mentioned officers, also literally the subject of my last three therapy visits Shen Yi

Victim/Suspect Information:

Victim: capitalism and plants, I guess N/A

Suspect: Bad guys or whatever Several members of the Ji Gang, including their ringleader Ji Xie

Witness Information: kindergarteners on their field trip in the butterfly room blocking EVERYONE ELSE’S view of the butterflies— Multiple witnesses, albeit with limited memory capacity.

Also technically me, because I can see what’s happening…and they don’t have a clue

Narrative:

At approximately 5pm, Captain Du Cheng my buddy, my pal, my best friend, who needs to remember that when he reads this report received a lead about a possible money laundering scheme planned by local horticulturalist Ji Xie you could say he PLANT it ahaha who has been vocally bitter about being underpaid for his work at Bejiang Botanical Gardens. Captain Cheng chose to go interview Ji himself, and brought Shen Yi and Jiang Feng my gardens are flourishing in animal crossing so I’m basically on Ji Xie’s level to the interview this evening.

Officer Jiang in particular seemed confident that this interview would be easy peasy, bc plant nerd relatively safe, and that it would be fine for Shen Yi to be present how was I to know things would be neither easy nor peasy despite multiple concerns about Ji’s connections to gangs oh sure NOW you tell me.

During the course of the extended interview, Shen Yi became unexpectedly drowsy bitch never sleeps, plus they were playing like some chill enya music or something over the waterfall and was taken to the car to rest meanwhile some of us had to deal with what I’m 90% sure was poison ivy for the remainder of the interview.

Note for the record that in escorting Shen Yi back to the car tbh had forgotten my bag of jelly beans in the front seat, Officer Jiang left the windows of the car open and the car itself running in the lot look I read this awful article about pets being left in hot cars and when Ji excused himself from the interview to use the restroom, he left through some Doctor Strange bullshit an unseen back door and stole the vehicle with Shen Yi asleep in the backseat, making him effectively a gang leader’s hostage not my fault he’s got main character energy.

Once Captain Cheng determined that Shen Yi had been abducted and taken to the casino, he roared like a mama bear at ME, when I didn’t do ANYTHING reprimanded Officer Jiang on his failure to follow protocol oh like there’s protocol about having a cat for a forensic artist and immediately hotwired commandeered a car, which is seriously the coolest not recommended by the handbook wow a nerd AND a narc huh.

He and Jiang Feng entered the casino we totally looked like those guys in that scene from Goblin and confronted Ji Xie and his men. Once Shen Yi had been recovered safely and Captain Cheng deemed him unharmed yeah I’m fine too if anyone’s interested, Ji and his gang were taken into custody and Jiang Feng read them their rights I made sooo many botany puns during it they asked to go to jail lol

Du Cheng decided to take Shen Yi home oh I’m sure and Jiang Feng returned to the office, where he was congratulated on his hard work you threw a stapler at my HEAD and the proper paperwork was filed.

Property/Evidence:

Monet Waterlilies tote bag from the gift shop

A round of shots at the casino bar after the arrest

Contraband items

Notes:

Jiang Feng received a citation for leaving a coworker in an unsafe situation and a commendation for his role in rescuing the coworker.

Due to personal reasons, I will be changing Shen Yi’s ringtone to the refrain from Taylor Swift’s “Anti-Hero”

[ninja-go-to-therapy]

Bottle Branch Part 2

a previously unplanned part two to this

ao3

Trigger Warnings: kidnapping, mentions of death

846 words

Branch was drifting between states of consciousness, as was becoming more and more commonplace in the past however-long-he’d-been-here. It was nearly impossible to get any real rest, but he also never felt truly awake anymore. Having your talent drained out of you would do that to a guy, he’d learned.

He was curled up against the wall of his prison, seeking warmth where he knew there was none. He was so cold all the time, now…

Something thudded outside of the bottle, and he was roused from his not-quite-sleep. He sat up, staring in disbelief at the face-down troll in front of him. Who the hell was that?

The stranger got to his feet, eyes going wide as he locked eyes with Branch. “Bitty B?” He said, “is that you?!”

Branch’s heart skipped a beat, crawling its way into his throat. He couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t possible. “John… Dory?” He asked, voice hoarse. He must have been dreaming. 

“Yes!” He exclaimed, all but lighting up, “it’s me! I’m here to get you out of… that thing!”

He laughed weakly, letting his head fall back until it lightly tapped against the wall he sat against. “I finally get some sleep and this is what I dream about.”

“Oh, this is no dream, baby brother. Well, maybe a dream come true, as I have arrived to save you! Hi-yah!”

He looked back up in time to see Dream JD’s body collide with the opposite wall of the diamond. He fell to the ground with a groan. “Ugh, okay, no biggie, let’s try… this!”

The pointless assault on the bottle was only giving him a headache. 

“For the love of — stop, John.” He groaned, “fuck, this isn’t even real.”

“Of course it’s real! Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because I’m not delusional!” He said. The irony was not lost on him that he was actually engaging with this insanity. “I know you would never actually come for me.”

Dream JD looked confused. “But… you wrote me that letter specifically asking for me to come save you.”

Branch rolled his eyes. “If I had the opportunity to call for help, it certainly wouldn’t be to you. Those talent-sucking succubi forged the letter, dumbass.”

“O…kay, well I’m here now, and I’m not about to let my brother be imprisoned for a moment longer!” He charged with a machete he’d pulled from his hair, and for a moment Branch was actually concerned for his brother’s safety. Before of course remembering that he didn’t need to be concerned with the safety of someone who was just a figment of his imagination. 

“Just leave,” he snapped. “I don’t need your help. Even if I wanted it, there’s nothing you could do. This thing is solid diamond.”

“Solid diamond…” he muttered, pacing back and forth as if he hadn’t just tried to have a jousting competition with a bottle. He snapped his fingers. “Oh, but I can get you out of there, Bitty! There’s one thing that can shatter diamond!”

He couldn’t seriously mean—

“The perfect family harmony!”

Branch laughed. How could he not? The mere suggestion was hilarious, if not deeply cruel. “Yeah, right,” he said, shaking his head. “That thing that we tried one time and failed so miserably at that you all left and never came back for me. Great idea.”

JD’s face soured. “What? But the others were supposed to stick around with you! That is so irresponsible!”

Had his eldest brother always been this allergic to self-awareness?

“Doesn’t matter, I can track them down! Maybe grandma can help! Where can I find her?”

In an instant, any deluded humor Branch could find in the situation dissolved. He glared daggers at the amalgamation of his brother. He was so angry, he just wanted to scream. He wanted to say things he could never take back. His lips trembled as he shakily formed words.

“She’s dead.”

An unreadable expression crossed his face before it begun to crumple. “What… what?” he asked quietly, like he was in shock. As if he hadn’t made his own choices. “She’s… no, no not Grandma Rosiepuff. She’s… she was so…”

He didn’t have the energy for the incoming breakdown. From who, he couldn’t be sure. “The harmony won’t work, and the others would never care enough to come, anyway.”

“Of course we—”

“Just leave, John.”

“I won’t. Not again.”

“Hmph. That’s new.”

“Branch…”

“I don’t want your help. I don’t need it.”

“—re dying out there! What we need is more troll.”

The quickly approaching voices of the giants snapped JD out of his stupor. He looked around in a panic, taking a hesitant step back.

Branch sighed. “On the off chance that… this is real. Find Queen Poppy. She’ll know what to do.”

“Who? Huh?”

“Either do that or go back to your own life, I don’t care. Just… get out of here.”

“I’ll find her. And I’ll come back for you, Branch,” he said, hair reaching for the vent he must have dropped out of. “I promise.”

As if he hadn’t heard that one before.

[zaeliaeve]

𝓡𝓸𝓼𝓮𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓕𝓵𝓪𝓶𝓮 [𝓚.𝓜] 𝟏𝟖+ Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: NSFW 18+ ONLY! MINORS DNI!

WARNINGS:  Cum kink, unprotected sex, vaginal sex.

-

In life there are two reactions to most situations; fight or flight.

Bianca almost always responded with the latter. It was simply easier to pretend nothing was happening because the moment you do self-reflection you must change, and Bianca didn't want to change yet.

Life for the first time in a long time seemed colorful again. After the death of her father, she wasn't sure when she would feel like herself again but she doesn't even necessarily feel like her old self either. This was a whole new side of life.

Suddenly there was something to look forward to, somebody who always knew the right thing to say and knew how to please her in a way that would put her on a dopamine high that would last all day. Her feelings were only growing stronger with each interaction.

It was purely selfish, but she couldn't stop.

They had to be more careful now after Kylian slept over at her house. Camille has been all over Kylian lately, constantly showing up randomly and calling the office to speak with him. Luckily she hasn't found anything because Kylian made sure to scrub his phone clean.

Even somewhat hinting that Kylian leave Camille would feel too far, after all, he does have a daughter with her and Bianca wouldn't want to ruin the young girl's life; not to mention even hinting at a breakup it could send Kylian running for the hills.

Admittedly, it would be nice to know where Kylian stood on the situation but she could never tell. The Frenchman would never even give a clue on where he stood emotionally and despite her better judgment she was a little curious and wanted to poke around a bit to gauge where he stood, maybe just for the sake of knowing.

Bianca was trying to convince herself that she truly didn't care, that she was just curious; like a cat walking on the edge of a window seal.

What has curiosity ever done to a cat?

"Oi you're in my spot you know?" A deep accented voice says standing directly in front of Bianca's desk, arms crossed.

She snaps her head up from her notebook with pure confusion only to be more confused when she realizes it's someone she's never met before. The unknown man is tall, has smooth full lips, big friendly brown eyes, and a seemingly just-cut faded haircut. 

He is undoubtedly beautiful.

This man seemed young-  too young to work there given almost all staff are past thirty besides Kylian and herself. "I'm sorry are you at the wrong place? Would you like directions?" Bianca asked earnestly, shuffling to her computer and getting ready to pull up Google Maps.

"What you think I couldn't work here?" There's now a grin on his face and his teeth are just as nice as the rest of him.

Bianca scrambled with her words trying to explain herself, somewhat off guard from the fresh face. "Of course you could. I've just never seen you around and now you wanna sit in my seat."

He pointed over to the empty chair on the far right to her with the broken computer that hasn't been used the whole time she's been there. "Actually I wanna sit in that seat" He corrected her before making his way behind the desk.

She didn't stop him, only watching as he placed his leather bag next to the dusty keyboard. "But you said-"

"I was only messing with you."

Bianca blinked unsurely at what was happening.  "I'm sorry who are you?" She finally questioned, her body fully facing him.

The man stuck his hand out and now sat in the previously empty chair.  "I'm Jude. I filled your spot while you were away and Mr. Messi liked me so much that he wanted me to stay here."

Oh, this is the guy Kylian was talking about in the car the other day. He didn't seem boring at all. In fact, quite the opposite.

"I'm Bianca" Their hands linked together, shaking up and down a few times courteously before letting go.

Her eyebrows knitted together. "Wait, I thought you were his assistant?"

Jude rubbed his hands together before he shrugged confidently. "I am, but he said if I could fix up the computer I could have my own space" he explained now turning to face the dead computer in front of him.

This isn't your own space, this is my space.

A heads-up would have been nice for the new change but Bianca wasn't too bothered by it. Slightly irritated yes, but not actually angry about it. Maybe now she would be forced to do her job a bit better, less time to slack off with someone watching her.  Especially someone the CEO seemed to have grown fond of.

Bianca didn't say much else, just went back to her notebook trying to figure out one of the higher-up's appointment schedules so she could find an opening for another client.

There was a silence that lasted about an hour while Jude messed around with the computer trying to pick it apart while Bianca did her own work. They were simply coexisting in the same place.

Jude broke the silent streak first. "I can tell you aren't from around here either" he noted as his hands still tinkered at the machine.

She wasn't sure what he meant or how he meant it, but she decided to go the playful route. "What gave it away?" Her tone was light, glancing at him from the corner of her eye.

"Everyone I've met so far looks like they've seen hell with their own eyes. You look too innocent to be from here."

Bianca laughed to herself. If only he knew.

Jude didn't miss her reaction. "What's funny? Am I wrong?" His head looked left to her.

There was no right way to answer that, so it was probably best to slightly change the subject. "Where are you from?"

His eyes stayed glued to her.  "Stourbridge, England."

Bianca pouted her lower lip out and put a hand on her chest. "My condolences."

"You've been?"

"No, but it doesn't sound pleasant."

Jude's wide smile returned, and his eyes twinkled underneath the fluorescent lights. "What do they even have in your country? Coconuts?" He teased back.

She laughed hardily at that, completely forgetting about the work she was supposed to be doing. "I'll take that over your guys' food options. Beans on toast should be banned, there is no way people actually enjoy that."

Both of their chairs turned to face each other. "You know people do enjoy? Electricity. Your people wouldn't know about that I guess" Jude shot back, trying to hide his own laughter.

Bianca also tried to conceal her giggles. "Oh really? We do know about the dentist though, can you Englishmen say the same?"

Jude flashed his white teeth, wiping them with his tongue. "Don't even try to violate us like that again."

A loud ringing broke up their interaction, causing them both to jump. Bianca swiveled her chair back around and lifted the landline phone to her ear, immediately causing the annoying buzzing to stop. "JPR-Finance, this is Bianca speaking how may I assist you today?"

"It always makes me laugh when you use your customer service voice."

Bianca's heart fluttered in her chest the second she heard Kylian's voice, a warm feeling spreading in her stomach. She could feel Jude's eyes on her so she kept her composure calm and professional. "I'm not sure what you're talking about, sir. Is there anything you would like help with this afternoon?"

Kylian's eyebrows raised at her continued act. "Actually yes there is, Ms. Salazar. I've got half a pineapple pizza that I need you to come finish. Food waste is one of the world's greatest failures and it would be such a shame to contribute to it."

Bianca snickered internally. So corny but so cute.

She felt at ease when Jude went back to the computer, now able to act more like herself around Kylian. "I'll be happy to help you.

The phone was placed back into the holder before she slid out from her desk and headed to the elevators.

Bianca swallowed her food before speaking, eyes on his suit. "I have a question for you"

Kylian tapped his mouth with a napkin to wipe away the shiny residue from the pizza. He hummed shortly for her to continue speaking. "Is Camille your wife or your girlfriend?" The question caught him off guard and he coughed to regain composure.

"She's my girlfriend." He responded simply, fidgeting the napkin inside his palm.

A small wave of relief washed over her. At least they aren't married.

She accepted his answer and took another bite of the greasy bread before pressing again. "How long have you guys been together?"

Kylian breathed in slowly as he winded his shoulders, visibly uncomfortable. "I just turned 20 when we met so a little more than four years." He surprisingly seemed level-headed when answering even though out of his comfort zone.

Bianca cocked her head to the side. "But Ariella is four so Camille must have gotten pregnant quickly."

"She got pregnant only a month into our relationship. I hadn't really gotten to know her well at that point, I was just a kid. Young and dumb. I got Ari though, so I'm happy." Kylian shrugged it off, shutting the pizza box as his appetite dwindled.

She kept the conversation going, relieved to finally get some answers. "Where did you meet?"

Kylian paused in his place and looked at the ceiling trying to wrack his brain to remember the answer. "At a club, if I remember correctly. I was more wild in those days so all the memories kind of blended together. I don't like to think about it much."

Her lips pulled downwards. The entire situation seemed unfair with each new fact she discovered.

Bianca was walking on a tightrope with this conversation and she knew it, so pushing too much on the subject wasn't a smart idea but yet the nagging feeling of wanting to know more wouldn't leave.

The pizza grew cold as it stayed on the paper plate, now long forgotten. Bianca lifted her head up to look at him, adrenaline too strong to be afraid.

Against her better judgment, she asked the question that's been on her mind for some time now. "Do you really love her?"

Kylian's eyes softened and his shoulders slumped down. "Bianca," he breathed out as he stood up from his seat.

Bianca instantly regretted asking the question, cheeks burning with embarrassment and wanting to crawl into a hole to hide forever. Kylian bent down to meet her eye level in the chair before holding her face in his palms and gently kissing her.

His lips were warm and relaxed, contrasting sharply with hers who was careful and shaky as her mind swirled. After a few seconds of his touch, she eased into him and accepted when his tongue swiped across her lower lip.

Their saliva exchanged as their mouths opened for each other, salty and sweet like the food they just consumed. Kylian broke the kiss to press a few other ones to her cheeks before he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

Bianca was unsure of what answer she wanted to hear but as she sat smothered in his arms, this seemed like the perfect one.

Her hands pushed on his chest to get space only enough to find his mouth again this time with more heat. Kylian grabbed her thighs lifted her from the chair swiftly and placed her on his semi-empty desk.

"You're always on my mind," Kylian says breathlessly before sucking on her neck.

Bianca's mind is fuzzy, lost in the sensation of his tongue dragging across her flesh. Kylian is growing hard quickly, subconsciously grinding against her leg for friction. She rubs his bulge with one hand, the other cradling his head as he unbuttons her shirt and then unclasps her bra.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spots the large clock ticking mockingly at them. "You have a meeting in forty minutes so let's make this quick, mon beau." she reminds him before wincing at the cold air now exposed to her chest.

Kylian let out a low laugh as he pulls her skirt down. "Oui m'dame" he pecks at her lips.

Bianca hops off the desk and turns around so that she's fully bent over the desk. From behind, she hears him gasp at her straightforward action. Kylian takes time to caress her body, admiring her as if she was a sculpture; tracing over her curves with the pads of his fingertips.

His veiny hands grasp her ass, squeezing the fatty flesh before pressing his thumb over her clothed pussy. Kylian circled around the nerves through the thin cloth, smiling when he felt her warm juices spread around with his finger.

She pushed back onto his long digit, desperate for more contact as she held onto the wooden desk completely vulnerably.

Kylian found it amusing watching her squirm and wanted to drag it out for longer despite the time crunch. He yanked his hand away from her body to unzip his pants and push them down his thick thighs, tugging his boxers down next.

He could see in her body language that she felt excited at the sound of his pants falling and he almost felt bad for not instantly giving her what she wanted so badly. Kylian took his fully hard dick and dragged his across her ass, his sticky warm precum leaving small wet stains against the cotton of her underwear.

Bianca let out a whine and murmured his name incoherently, only enticing him further.

He lifted up the fabric so that his throbbing cock could slide between the skin and the material, the silhouette of his dick outlined in the cotton. He groaned at the feeling of her soft flesh rubbing against his foreskin and he shallowly thrusts.

"More Kylian" she cries, grinding her ass against him.

Kylian placed one hand on her waist and guides her while he bucks into her repeatedly, enjoying the view of her ass bouncing against him. He let out small grunts as he got lost in the moment and became focused on the enchanting sight before him, focused on his own pleasure. "Please baby" she gets out needily.

That broke him out of his trance, and Kylian having enough of his own game pulled down her underwear and eased himself into her dripping heat. "Fuck yes yes thank you" Bianca jumbled together, lust clouding her senses.

He slid into her body perfectly like a puzzle piece, sucking at the side of her neck and shuddering at how good her slippery walls felt clenching around him. "Always so tight and perfect for me," Kylian says into her ear as he picks up his pace.

Kylian pulls away to grab at her ass again, sweat forming as he pumps himself into her completely before pulling out again and repeating the steps. Bianca was a mess under him, drooling onto the surface below as his tip nudged against her most sensitive spot.  

He angled himself so he could repeatedly fuck into that spot, this time harder. Her eyes rolled in the back of her head as a string of curses left her mouth incoherently. Kylian used one of his hands to fondle her breast before pulling her hair so her neck would be exposed to his lips.

Bianca was already close and he could feel it by the globs of clear liquid smearing onto his cock and her walls enclosing around him tightly. Kylian can feel his cock start to twitch at the wet warm feeling. "Merde, princess you're fucking soaking. Not gonna last long." 

Kylian lowered his hand to rub against her clit, starting off slowly and then matching his fast pace. "Ahh f-fuckkkk" she borderline screamed out, eyes screwing shut, dangerously close to her orgasm. 

" 's good. Want you to cum all over" Bianca slurred drunkenly, eyelids low.

Kylian let out a low whine. "You need my cum mon bébé?" 

She nodded quickly without a second thought.  "Yes! Want you to make a mess on me."

He was determined to make her come first, so he pounded into her and rubbed against that spot again, pushing her over the edge. Kylian almost cried at how good it felt when her sopping velvety walls spasmed around his raw cock, wanting to milk him for everything he had. Bianca chanted his name as she came, hot dribbles of her own juice running down her legs.

"Gonna paint you so pretty" he groaned out deeply, balls tight and full of his semen.

Kylian couldn't hold back any longer so he pulled out and drenched her smooth thighs in his white creamy cum, moaning as his cock spurted out an endless load. "Fuck yes! Take it all, ma chérie" He grunted out.

Bianca rubbed her thighs together to make a bigger mess, smearing the thick liquid all over her skin combined with her own juices. Kylian panted as he slowly came down, mind cloudy from how intense his orgasm was. 

Kylian turned her around on the desk so their lips could meet again, his hand rubbing against her drenched thighs so he could feel their own creation. "Beautiful," he says as he looks down.

Kylian and Bianca stood sweatily and out of breath as they came down from their highs, skin flushed and damp as proof of their actions. He pulled Bianca into his arms one last time to kiss her sloppily, she reciprocated happily but somewhat tired.

"I hate when I have to leave," Bianca says once their lips part.

Kylian brings her hand up to his mouth, leaving long kisses on each knuckle. "Don't leave then. Stay here forever with me." He sounded serious even though what he was saying was outlandish.

Oh, If only.

Bianca couldn't resist another kiss even if the time was running out before his meeting. As Kylian's fingers laced in her hair a loud knocking caused them to pull away abruptly.

"Kylian?"

The high-pitched voice made both of their stomachs drop. They froze in their places as the knocking got louder. "I know you're in there Kylian." She shrieked.

He zipped his pants up as Bianca rushed to find her underwear thrown somewhere across the room. "Camille I'm in a meeting," Kylian yelled at the door as he tried to straighten up the mess they had made.

The door handle started jiggling as Camille yanked at the metal but it was stopped by the lock. "Just let me in Kylian you're driving me crazy" Camille huffed, voice strong.

Bianca's eyes scanned around the room for places to hide but there weren't many options. Behind a plant seemed too cliche and seeing the girl face to face was definitely out of the question. It was obvious to anyone with a brain what they were doing and if anyone found out, the consequences would be disastrous.

Luckily, Kylian's grand wooden desk completely touched the floor so it was impossible to see what was on the other side unless you completely came around. Bianca set aside her dignity as she crawled on the floor and nustled herself into the dark space.

Going from letting another person inside of her to minutes later degrading herself to being someone's dirty secret as his cum dried on her skin was humiliating, to say the least; but it was completely deserved.

"Just stay quiet and we'll be fine" Kylian assured her in a whisper.

The knocking hadn't stopped, if anything only growing louder. Kylian quickly opened up a window to let out some of the humidity and sprayed old cologne from years ago that he doesn't even like anymore.

He rushed to the door and cracked it open, his body blocking her from being able to see inside. "Are you crazy? I'm in the middle of a meeting! Are you trying to get me fired?" Kylian lied easily to the upset girl.

Camille let out a shaky breath. "You make me crazy. I can't shake this gut feeling, Kylian. A woman's intuition is never wrong."

Bianca felt like she was going to throw up her head spinning and ears ringing yet she couldn't move a muscle.

"I don't have time for this Camille. You've come up here more times within the past week than you have in my whole career and all you do is cause a scene every time. I can't take it anymore" Kylian kept stern.

Camille let out an offended gasp. "I don't have any other choice. You come home smelling like a woman's perfume and you won't even look at me anymore. Every single time I talk to you, you barely respond. It's like your head is always somewhere else."

Bianca felt like she was watching a horrible car crash. An absolute wreck, but you can't look away- or in this case, stop listening.

"We can talk about it when we get home but I'm not doing this here. Leave Camille." Kylian wasn't even arguing back, seemingly just tired.

His girlfriend clearly wasn't satisfied with that answer, only fueling the fire more. "You don't even care about me! I'm sitting here pouring out my heart and you don't even give a fuck! What kind of example are you setting for Ariella? I will never let my child grow up with such a pathetic excuse of a father" Camille sobbed.

Kylian let out a sigh and softened his tone as he scratched the back of his neck. "Of course I care, I really do. I just have a lot of work that needs to get done. I promise the second I get home, we can talk about this. Go home, run a bath, and relax."

Bianca hears their clothes shift as Camille clings to his body for a hug. "I love you" she hears faintly from Camille.

"I love you too."

Suddenly it's all too much and Bianca covers her ears with her hands, hands shaking around her head as she does so. The door shuts and Kylian bends down to find Bianca with her knees to her chest and shaking from the adrenaline. "Are you okay?" He asks softly.

She doesn't say anything, only staring blankly at the floor. "Bianca" he calls to her.

Bianca's face remains the same, staring off into space.

Kylian doesn't know what to say or do so he crawls on the floor next to her and waits in silence in the dark small space, eyes carefully watching her. "I want to go home," Bianca says after some time.

"Whatever you want to do, I'll make happen. But please-" He pauses, hesitant to scare her away.

Please don't give up on me.

"-call me when you get home. I want to make sure you're okay."

Bianca stands up quietly, not saying anything else as she fixes her clothes and bolts for the door, leaving a distressed Kylian behind.

She stopped at her desk to grab her things, a preoccupied Jude looking up when he sees she came back. "You're leaving already?" He asks with surprise.

Bianca was in no mood to talk but still kept a polite tone. "Yeah, I'm not feeling well."

It wasn't a complete lie, at least.

Jude pouts his lip. "Shit, sorry to hear."

He turns his body around and scribbles down something in pen before ripping the paper and presenting it to her. "Here's my number. It gets lonely here, let's hang out sometime.."

Bianca takes the paper and shoves it deep into her pocket. "Definitely."

Hours pass as Bianca stayed nuzzled on her couch, wrapped under thick wool blankets. Her eyes are swollen from all the time spent crying, replaying the day over and over again in her head from every possible angle.

Everything was just so messy and confusing, she hated it.

Today forced her to come to the realization that even the people you dislike the most have feelings too. Is it justified in any way? Can I handle the emotional burden that comes with Kylian? Is it all worth it?

They could both lose everything, but for some reason, none of that mattered the moment she was in his presence. Everything felt so right with him. Bianca internally cursed at herself forever applying to the job in the first place. In any scenario, they would always be drawn to each other.

No matter how much she tried to fight against her feelings for him, she would always lose. Bianca imagines stepping into a time machine and stopping herself from ever leaving her country at all.

At the reminder of the silly conversation from earlier with Jude, she crawls off of the couch to find her sweater from earlier and dig out the pockets. In it was his sloppy note and she carried it with her before sitting back on the cushions and typing the numbers into her phone.

B: Hey, It's Bianca. Sorry for messaging so late, I was distracted all day. Hope you're sleeping well.

About ten minutes later her phone buzzes with a notification.

J: why would I be asleep? Sleep is for the weak yanno xx

She smiles for the first time in hours.

B: right, that's why I assumed you'd be asleep.

J: ur an actual hater

J: ur lucky ur pretty or else I'd block u rn ;P

-

𝔸/ℕ:  𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘!! 𝕀'𝕧𝕖 𝕙𝕒𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕕 𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕤𝕠 𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕤𝕠 𝕀'𝕞 𝕘𝕝𝕒𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕚𝕤 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕕𝕦𝕔𝕖 𝕁𝕦𝕕𝕖. 𝔹𝕚𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕒 𝕚𝕤 𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕞 𝕒 𝕞𝕒𝕕𝕖-𝕦𝕡 𝕚𝕤𝕝𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕚𝕟 𝕞𝕪 𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕕 𝕤𝕠 𝕀 𝕗𝕖𝕖𝕝 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕚𝕥'𝕤 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕓𝕒𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕙𝕖 𝕥𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕖𝕤 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕚𝕥!  𝔹𝕚𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕒 𝕚𝕤 𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕞 𝕨𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥 𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕥𝕠 𝕓𝕖! 𝕀 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕘𝕖𝕥 𝕒 𝕝𝕠𝕠𝕜 𝕒𝕥 ℂ𝕒𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕝𝕖'𝕤 𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕪 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕀 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕜 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕚𝕤 𝕒 𝕟𝕚𝕔𝕖 𝕕𝕠𝕤𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕚𝕥. ℕ𝕖𝕖𝕕𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕖𝕩𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕤𝕖𝕥 𝕦𝕡 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕗𝕦𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕖 𝕤𝕠 𝕀'𝕞 𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕦𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕝𝕪 𝕤𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕨𝕒𝕤𝕟'𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕚𝕥 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕙𝕒𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕓𝕖 𝕕𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕦𝕘𝕙. 𝕊𝕠 𝕔𝕦𝕣𝕚𝕠𝕦𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕒𝕝𝕤𝕠 𝕋ℍ𝔸ℕ𝕂 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝔽𝕆ℝ 𝔸𝕃𝕃 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝕃𝕆𝕍𝔼 <𝟛𝟛𝟛𝟛!!!!! 𝕀 𝕤𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕞𝕪𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗 𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕕𝕒𝕪 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕕 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕕𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕟𝕚𝕔𝕖 𝕡𝕖𝕠𝕡𝕝𝕖! 𝕀𝕃𝕐𝕊𝕄!!

[mars-ipan]

nmarrss.. mar s im so hunrgy can you feed me priest au. im Starvinggg Pleasee ^p^ any table scrap i want to pick ur mind for it. ...

hello you two!!! i’m gonna be real i’ve been a bit all over the place lately (pjsk brain has put dangan brain on hold surprisingly enough, and also i’m prepping to go back to college next semester lmao), so i don’t have. too many priest au thoughts. but i HAVE been thinking abt some of the other characters who live in the town of jabberwock, illinois! :]

ok first off. i can’t put hajime anywhere without allowing him his soul bro. even i am not that cruel. so yes souda exists here! he is a mechanic, as to be expected, working out of the shop his dad runs. he and hajime meet when hajime spots him working on like…. let’s say a tractor or smth and goes over to help bc he recognizes the model. they’re buddies, they’re tight! souda is chill, but he’s also like. the epitome of 2000s casual homophobia. most of it comes from his dad, and tbh it wouldn’t be unlikely for souda to be bisexual and not know it (just like canon <3), BUT this au doesn’t focus on him so that’s just a little bonus nuance. For Funsies. as previously mentioned, souda and hajime get along well (souda’s is hajime’s closest male friend, aside from the Father), and they often hang out together. at first souda kind of calls into question some of hajime’s gentler/girlier habits, but overall he does see hajime as Very Masculine so he tries not to give him too much shit, especially since it really seems to bother him. he HAS absolutely called hajime a metrosexual for like. Conditioning His Hair. that sort of thing. but it’s all lighthearted and he does really care abt hajime. that’s his bestie

funnily enough the only other character whose role i’m 100% sure of is gundham’s. he’s one of hajime’s coworkers at the farm supply store! hajime works in more botany-related departments, whereas gundham focuses more on animal husbandry. hajime is on polite terms with gundham, but they’re not too close. in all honestly, hajime’s kind of intimidated by gundham. this guy dresses super scary and actively associates himself with demons and the occult….. it’s a little offputting for him (hajime has never met an alt person before </3 which is such a shame bc he would make a wonderful emo but i digress). overall though, he can tell that gundham cares a lot about his animals and treats them well, so he has respect for him regardless of his reservations. so long as he’s a good person, right? gundham is also dating sonia who comes to visit him at work sometimes (she and chiaki are friends as well, so hajime’s acquainted with her) but that’s all i really have on her right now.

i’ve been trying to think about who would usually run the sunday school. i think chiaki would help, but she wouldn’t be the type to actually teach it. y’know who i think would be fun for that, though? mahiru! this is very not-fleshed-out, but i think she possesses just the right balance of strict and caring to be a good teacher, and i think she’d be good with the woh. i… don’t actually know that much about church structure so i need to research if she’d get a fancy title for being the sunday school teacher, but overall that’s What She Does. of course she’s still best friends with hiyoko, but idk what hiyoko’s deal will be yet so that’ll take some time.

i think jabberwock absolutely has a hanamura diner, owned by a much less creepy teruteru (my au my rules i can fix him if i want) who’s trying to keep the place running to help his mom cover her medical bills. i think it’d be fun if imposter works there (i . may have to give them a name now that i’m thinking about it) but that’s a very young idea, needs time to germinate

that’s all i got for now! a little bit of worldbuilding, a little bit of making jabberwock feel like a real town. yah 👍 oh idea i just got now. what if chiaki works at a local arcade….. the kind that’s old and kinda musty…. yeaahhhh

[princesable]

hi this is "That Thing". he probably has a name but everyone just refers to him with various vague and slightly rude terms. he thinks this is funny so he doesn't correct them. if youve ever seen me make a post/tag a post vaguely mentioning someone and its "Formatted Like This" its most likely about him. the average charlie princesable follower doesnt know about this guy which is funny because if youre in a server with me you are Painfully Aware He Exists because i love making people look at him.

his entire bit is that i thought it would be really funny if there was a guy who had no positive traits. no redeeming qualities. what if there was a guy who was so sucks and he made it literally everyone around hims problem. you'd get this guy. he's supposed to be extremely one note and lack basically any character depth because it's really funny to me to have a cast of characters i have put so much thought and effort into to make sure act like Actual People and then just dump in this dude who kills people for fun and thats it thats his entire character.

as previously stated yeah he just kills people. thats his gimmick. he shows up and kills people crazy style. no one takes him seriously because he's like. Cartoonishly Evil. so theyre all like. oh this guy cant be serious. there is no way a real human person would act like this. unfortunately there is. he sucks so bad and unfortunately he is having a great time being here.

everyone also hates him because hes an asshole and well he loves this. he loves that everyone hates him. he thinks its hilarious. any attention is positive attention or whatever.

he shows up during chapter 2/part 2/watever the fuck because twitch (pretend you know who that is) is like hm. you know its been weirdly difficult trying to kill sherwin. because that is the plot of charlie game. i wonder if that guy down the street still kills people. and theyre like hey do you still kill people? can you help me a kill a guy. and hes like. yeah thats what i do. extremely riveting i know.

he had a completely normal childhood he literally just did a complete 180 over the course of a single night and only one person is actually concerned about this.

^ yeah what this guy said. ignore how he's my discord icon. thats not an exaggeration btw it was literally A Single Night.

other fun facts i want to mention that dont need their own paragraph: his hair is naturally black but he dyes it orange exclusively to piss his younger sister off because she has orange hair. he has two swords because thats the most extra shit i could think of. he genuinely never stops smiling it’s infuriating. his associated animal is a rabbit. all of my friends hate him. i hate him. he's existed for 2 years and has unfortunately had a massive impact on the plot. he's the only charlie game character with a fancam. i like to think his the culmination of me growing up watching 2010s animation memes. i would say we should kill him with hammers but unfortunately that is exactly what he wants.

tldr: everyone thinks sherwin is the worst person alive and its just because i never talk about This Guy. i am accepting questions and concerns at anytime.

i am concerned.

[acaplaya-musings]

Voiceplay Visuals: Hellfire

As IF I was ever going to skip over this video!!!!

Voiceplay's cover of Hellfire was released on the 7th of October, 2023 (being their Halloween upload for the year), and, fun fact, it was the first Voiceplay video I watched after a sort of personal "hiatus" of 1-1.5 years, where they had somehow fallen off my radar for a while (which can happen when A, you weren't originally subscribed to them and mostly just relied on the Youtube algorithm/recommended section, and B, you previously only watched videos for songs you were already familiar with (I know better now though, obviously), plus a few other random factors). Geoff's cover of Jack's Lament was the first from his channel I had seen in quite a while (thank you YouTube algorithm for actually being helpful!), and I stumbled upon Hellfire the following day. And man what a video to bring me back into the fold!

Both video and arrangement were done Layne, and although this is another "guest feature" for J None (he did 5 full-length videos with Voiceplay in 2023!), he's only a backing vocalist for most of this one. Who took lead vocals? Geoff! Apparently Layne was wanting Voiceplay to do a cover of Hellfire for quite a while, and had always envisioned Geoff as the main singer for it, but Geoff, for a long time, said no. I don't know/can't remember what his exact reasoning was; whether he just thought the song was too dark or he thought he wouldn't be able to do it justice, but obviously Layne eventually managed to persuade him (made him an arrangement he couldn't refuse, I'm guessing, because seriously this arrangement is STUNNING), and quite frankly I am forever in Layne's debt for it!

I have no estimate of how long this post might be or how much I'll actually have to say about the screencaps I share, but I'll try to make this worthwhile, and so without further ado, let's get into this!

Pretty "basic"/"simple" visuals here, but honestly that's all that's needed for this one! For one thing, the vocals/arrangement are amazing enough to shine on their own (kinda like with Nothing Else Matters), and for another thing, this may be a Disney villain song, but at the same time it's not really a "Disney Song", y'know? This ain't Friends On The Other Side, or Poor Unfortunate Souls, or Be Prepared; this is a song about deep internal conflict, "burning desire", and attempts to suppress said burning desire, which only leads to more trouble. This is a villain song taken completely seriously, and boy oh boy do Voiceplay nail it!

(I feel like I should also mention that I've never actually watched The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, but I know the characters, I know the story, and this song speaks for itself tbh.)

I mean of course all the guys understood the assignment for this one but Cesar really Understood👏The👏Assignment!👏

I can't believe I'm having one of my "hang on a minute-" moments on freaking Hellfire of all videos, but somehow I never noticed the purple gemstone ring that Eli is wearing here before now! (And Cesar is wearing a red gemstone ring as well, which I only just spotted in a previous shot).

Yep, Layne's got a gemstone ring on as well!

I'm guessing J has got a matching ring as well, but I'm fairly certain Geoff doesn't, because he's got this gemstone necklace instead, which of course helps to further identify him as the lead vocalist/"main character" in this one.

(And even though Voiceplay seem to wear black/dark colours a fair bit (and Geoff does a lot), I still really freaking love the costuming in this video. They all look so good!!!!!)

Yep, there it is! J has a ring as well!

"BURN IT"

((If you've been reading/paying attention to all my Voiceplay Visuals posts, you might have picked up that usually, Geoff is the only one who gets bold font for quotes, but I'm more than willing to make an exception this time, because goddamn))

"This fire in my skin"

The way he looks down at his hands and arms as if feeling himself changing, as if there really are flames coursing right underneath the surface of the skin!!!!

"This burning desire, is turning me to s i n"

Not here to make fun or tease this time, certainly not! Geoff did a fantastic acting job in this one, and his delivery of every single vocal line was just absolutely *chefs kiss*

Everyone else was brilliant in this too, and Cesar absolutely had some attention-grabbing moments of his own! 😄

The "it's not my fault!" section of the song is really cleverly done here imo. (it's technically visual as well! I can talk about it!) It gives other members a bit more of a chance to shine, in a song which (aside from the Latin chanting in the background) is only meant to be a one-man performance. And the video (arrangement included) does this by turning Layne, J, Eli, and Cesar into a sort of Greek Chorus, or more specifically, a "singing chorus" (yes, that's a real thing, which I learned about when I was double-checking to see if I actually remembered the correct meaning of Greek Chorus). Singing choruses are sometimes incorporated into musical theatre and grand opera, and are "used frequently to interpret the mental and emotional reactions of the principal characters, after the manner of a Greek chorus." And while Eli and Cesar are taking over the lead for this bit here, Geoff becomes a little bit more subdued, head slightly bowed, just doing some little self-conducting hand movements as he holds down the bassline (I'm assuming, though I can't really hear him at all in the background until his arpeggios(?) when J takes over (look, sometimes you really can't fully describe/talk about what's happening on screen without talking about the audio that goes with it!!!))

Cesar with the sick air guitar! (Not all reactors seemingly noticed this moment, which is a damn crime tbh (you can actually see him doing it in the group shot just a few seconds before this too, though that part I myself didn't pick up on till just now))

I can't remember seeing a single reaction video (out of the ones I've watched at least) that actually figured out who the Guard was, even though it's in the description of the video! (Though I guess those who were watching from Patreon have more of an excuse). It's Tony! (Also, this means that this video featured 4 "generations" of Voiceplay baritones - Layne, Tony, J, and Cesar!)

I've heard one or two reactors say they wish they could have seen the guard's face, but nah, I don't think it's necessary. He's there to provide Relevant Information for progression of the plot/song/scene, and that's it! His identity is irrelevant!

(But still, shoutout to Tony!)

"what" (hhhhhh)

"I'll find her,"

"I'll find her and I'll find her if I have to burn down all of PARIS!"

(He did so well! <3 <3 <3)

At first when I watched this video I was like "wow I really love this video, but should I like this video so much? Considering the context/meaning behind the song and all that?" That lasted for like maybe a week maximum. I adore this cover and this video and I make no apologies about it!)

*swoon*

Very cool flame effect in the eyes! According to one reaction video I watched, that likely was not easy to do, but it's a great addition to the already-very-awesome video!

The zoom-out on Geoff is done brilliantly for dramatic effect here as well!

Do I even need to say it at this point? 😂😅

Well anyway, obligatory "he's so pretty!" comment

(Here's a slight shot of Cesar's ring btw)

Man I love it when he belts <3

Firstly, the absolute power and feeling that Geoff put into this, like it's absolutely amazing to watch and it delights me to no end. Secondly, I wasn't going to include that third pic above, but turns out Geoff is wearing a gemstone ring as well! (maybe more than one?) I knew he was wearing rings in the video, but I just assumed they were his wedding/engagement rings, as he pretty much always wears them in videos (unless he can't for costuming purposes), one on each hand, but now I wonder if he was in fact wearing them at all in this video?

Excuse me while I just- *muffled yelling into pillow*

As I type this, Voiceplay's cover of Hellfire is just 4,700 views away from reaching one million hits on YouTube! I hope it gets there, it certainly deserves it (and more!). (UPDATE: As of the morning of the 20th of February (AEST timezone), it's now at one million views! Can I hear a wahoo!?!) (SECOND UPDATE: and it's now at over 1.1 million, as of the 25th of March!)

It's not exactly a typical Halloween-type video for Voiceplay, no super-elaborate character costumes or coloured face/body paint, but just like practically everything Voiceplay did in 2023, this was EPIC!

But anyway, I'll be skipping over Whiskey In The Jar, and I'm not doing any posts about Christmas videos (for now), which means that I'm finally onto the first two full-length uploads of 2024! (And I really would have expected there to be a third 2024 upload by this point, but it seems we're just gonna have to keep on waiting.) Stay tuned!

[theheirofthesharingan]

2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23 and 24 for the ask game

2. Is there a least favorite character or title you dislike writing for?

My least favorite character would be Kabuto to write. I don't want to write him at all. But eh, have to write him because bro is quite important for a while. More than Sasuke I want to get rid of him.

3. Name a fanfic/story you are particularly proud of writing.

I've written a lot of stuff, but one fic I'm extremely proud of is Unbreakable Ties. I loved writing it and all the right emotions I could convey through my words. It'll always be close to my heart for its rawness and angst and the feels. Also because I wrote a fic for a large fandom, which was quite challenging for me initially too.

4. Where did you get your inspiration from?

I just like to explore the possibilities and different ways the characters feel and to explore those emotions. That's my inspiration. Sometimes reading does help too.

5. Where do you find your motivation?

I'll say it's discipline. I don't rely on motivation as much. There are days I can't get a lot of work done, but I do try to write some words before I go to bed.

6. What would you say your strongest genre to write for is?

I love adventure, Gothic fiction, and magical realism to write. But i guess magical realism is what I would be most comfortable in writing.

7. What would you say your weakest genre to write for is?

Action. Ugh. I cannot write fight scenes.

8. How many WIP do you currently have?

Only one. I can't have more than one WIPs or it'll be too distracting.

9. (I already answered it)

10. What frustrates you the most as a writer?

Among many other things, I sometimes feel my sentences are terrible. And I sometimes can't recall the most basic words. And of course, typos.

11. What’s something you have learned as a writer?

A lot of things. But mostly, I've learned to be expressive and more empathetic towards people. As a writer you get into the skin of the characters and feel the emotions they feel very deeply, and that is bound to affect you as a person too. It's what happened with me.

12. Do you enjoy receiving feedback?

Oh, yes. All writers do.

13. Already answered.

14. What’s one thing you dislike about your blog?

Ah, there's nothing I dislike about my blog. It's one of the very few places on the internet I like to be. xD

15. What made you start to write fanfiction/stories?

A TV show in my country. It was loosely based on Wuthering Heights, and I fell in love with it. So I loved exploring its main characters (who were ill-treated in canon because its writers were not interested in telling the story).

16. Any ideas you wanted to write about, but never did?

A fic based on the show I mentioned above. It was my dream project and could be my magnum opus with 150+ chapters, but for all the effort I put in it, there were no readers whatsoever. After 30 chapters I abandoned it in 2018. But I think I wasn't mature enough to handle all the themes back then. Still.

17. Already answered.

18. Are there any topics you find difficult to write for?

There's nothing in particular, but here and there, there will always be some topics that will be tough to write. But more for the technical reasons instead of personal ones.

19. What is something your readers don’t know that you do?

I might have mentioned it here, but no one knows I tend to have breakdowns writing some parts of my fics. Not just with Itachi and Sasuke centric stories, but for my fics I wrote previously, I'll end up crying a lot because some moments were like that. Itachi and Sasuke just take that angst to some other level, so I'm left wounded writing some of their moment.

20. What’s one thing you want your readers to know about you?

I love you, guys. If you read my works there must be some kind of bonding between us. Whether you're the silent reader of my stories or leave comments/kudos there it makes me feel seen and heard in a good way. So, thank you for that.

21. What’s your favorite writing advice to share?

There are a lot of pieces of advice that I follow, but one thing that I absolutely love as a reader is concise writing and avoiding the "-ly words." And you don't need too many synonyms of "said." Just use said and switch to other words occasionally. That, in my opinion, leaves more impact than writing the synonym for said with every dialogue.

22. Care to share any future WIP ideas you have lined up?

Ah, yes. There are three more ideas I'm considering to work on. One is inspired by Cormac Mc Carthy's The Road. The other is a post-war story with inter-dimemsional travel with a twist. And the other is set in the Land of the Waves arc. All the fics are Uchiha brothers centric. This is the only info I can give right now.

23. Most memorable review/comment on a fic?

Okay, so this is going to sound like I'm bragging, but here it is. One of my friends I keep in a very high regard because he's been writing for years and has published many of his poems too, read one of my fics, and said "Your writing reminded me of Emily Brontë's" and I cried tears of happiness. ;_;

24. What future fics/events can we expect to see?

It's the same as answer to #22. I'll try to finish The Everlasting Love by the end of this month and might start the next one right away.

[some-pers0n]

I can't think of anything for the assuming thing that you reblogged, but while I'm here uhhm. I'd like to hear abt tf2 if you're willing to explain.

I don't know a lot abt it but I see the stuff you reblog!! I know the game, but I've never heard any lore or anything abt the characters.

No pressure ofc, you don't have to :]

You're. asking me..to infodump? About TF2!?

Okie okey I can do it. Uh. Keep in mind it's going to be pretty long-winded and incomprehensible. I just really like this game...

Oh! And if you're a follower or mutual, read on as well! I put a lot of effort into this. If you're at all interested in understanding my madness even a little bit, this is for you.

Before we even begin, I HIGHLY recommend first checking out the Meet the Team videos and perhaps Expatriation Date. It will take you roughly half an hour to watch all videos. They are simply fantastic. They are humorous and show off the personalities of these characters in a great and short way. Plus it establishes the tone of this game (which is very silly)

With that being said, let it commence.

Okay, so, I guess we start with the basics. Team Fortress 2 is a sequel to Team Fortress (Classic), which was a mod for a game called Quake using the engine for Half-Life, Source. It was made by a couple of friends who would later on become a part of Valve, a game company known for their own games such as Portal, Half-Life (as previously mentioned), Counter-Strike; Global Offense, and of course, Team Fortress.

Team Fortress 2's development is pretty interesting and cool in of itself. I could go on for a bit, but just know that TF2 was announced back in 1998. Over this time, it went by the name of Invasion, following an art style similar to TFC and Half-Life with them now being on some alien planet thing. However that sort of style became outdated, so they then went under a major art style shift. After nine years in development, they final released it in 2007 as a package called the Orange Box. It released alongside Portal and Half-Life 2, Episode 2.

Since then, Team Fortress 2, or simply just TF2, has become a cornerstone of the internet and general team-based shooter games. Its influences can be seen all over, with the most prominent example being games like Overwatch being a spiritual successor to it.

You don't want to hear me ramble about the actual gameplay and such though, I assume. I really like watching people play the game, but I would be lying if I didn't find a smidge more enjoyment from the characters, hm? I mean, how could I not? They're one of, if not the best parts of the entire game.

But before we get to that, even more ground work. Here's the basic lore you need.

In the 1800s, a man called Zephaniah Mann owns a company. He's your generic richy-rich upperclassman guy. His business partner, Barnabus Hale, co-owns this. This will be slightly important later. He has three children, Redmond, Blutarch, and Gray Mann. Redmond and Blutarch practically come out of the womb hating each other, while Gray Mann? Well, he's. special. He's incredibly intelligent for his newborn nature, being able to speak fluent English as well as supposedly inventing a new kind of algebra.

Zephaniah Mann freaks out. He tries to kill the child, however he is, and I quote, "absconded by the Eagle". This is a random eagle that's been apparently terrorizing the small town that Zephaniah Mann lives in. It breaks through the windows and literally steals Gray Mann, saving him from an untimely death.

So that happened.

Years later, Zephaniah grows old. Blutarch and Redmond are the only real heirs of his company, but the both of them won't come to a single agreement on anything. Pissed off about it, Zephaniah writes in his will that he's giving his company to Barnabus Hale, leaving his servant, Elizabeth, with all of his "gold", and jack-shit for Redmond and Blutarch.

Well...not nothing. Redmond and Blutarch convinced Zephaniah to buy up a bunch of land in New Mexico. Gravel pits and dustbowls. When Zephaniah died, the two of them tried claiming the land for themselves. This sparked the main event: the Gravel Wars.

Blutarch and Redmond hired a bunch of mercenaries to fight for each other. This was the original team. Yes, that is Abraham Lincoln you see there. Get used to it.

The mercenaries fought and fought, yet there was no clear victor. In the end, Blutarch and Redmond were growing old. By 1890s, it was becoming obvious that the two would die before they saw the end of this fight.

Or...until a certain other party emerged. Radigan Conagher. A brilliant inventor that catches the attention of Blutarch Mann. He brings Radigan to him and asks something so simple of him.

Build him a machine to make him immortal.

Radigan agrees to the task.

However, this also gets the attention of another person. Remember that servant I mentioned? The one who inherited Zephaniah Mann's gold? Well, it turns out that it isn't gold, but actually an incredibly powerful material called Australium.

Australium is native to Australia. It is a precious mineral that is capable of incredible power. Among giving the people around it super-strength, heightened intelligence, and generally being very Australian, it can also be used to make a person immortal through extending their life.

Elizabeth knows about this, and for some reason that we still don't quite know, she wants to continue on this war. So, she approaches Radigan and asks him to build another life extender machine for Redmond. Also for her probably.

So now the old men (and also this chick) are immortal. Cool!!

The 1930s roll around and there's another group of mercenaries. We don't care about these ones that much. Just know that they are the same mercs from Team Fortress Classic and they'll be somewhat important later. Understand also that Barnabus Hale's company is now called MannCo. and is the main supplier of weapons to this war.

NOW IT'S THE 1960S YAYYY IT'S TIME FOR THEM!!! THE SILLIES!!

Something to also know is that there's somebody pulling the strings. The Administrator. For some reason, she wants to continue this war between Redmond and Blutarch. She's not Elizabeth though!! Definitely not. Totally not. Definitely not a plot twist that WOULD'VE HAPPENED IN THE FINAL COMIC HAD IT RELEASED- but it's fine.

Anyways, I digress. Elizabeth and the Administrator (also known as Helen) are pretty much the same person. Working as her assistant is Miss Pauling, who (among other things) hides bodies, gives contracts to the mercs, and generally does whatever the Admin wants her to.

Whew!! There you go. That's the general gist of the lore. Back in the 1800s there was a guy who had two kids who hated each other. They hated each other so much they went to war over a bunch of useless land. Over 100 years later now we've got the mercs.

Finally!! We can start talking about them.

Scout, aka Jerma985

The Scout, real name Jeremy, is a loud-mouth, obnoxious 20 something year old from Boston. He fights using a shotgun, baseball bat, and a pistol. He's got 7 older brothers (he's the youngest of them all) and has an affinity for baseball, Tom Jones, and a soda drink named Bonk! that is apparently radioactive. He's what I'd argue to be the most ""normal"" merc, since he's just kind of an asshole who likes killing people. He talks and acts like an obnoxious guy, but he's overall not that bad.

Oh I forgot to mention he's canonically God's gift to women.

Here's a snipbit of the scene where Scout dies and goes to Heaven where he meets God Himself and tells Scout that he was intended to have sex with as many women as possible.

Scout is also illiterate and can't read. He's actually a pretty good artist though. He's got a Tom Jones memorabilia collection that he once used to try and impress Miss Pauling. Oh right! He's also got a massive crush on Miss Pauling. The Expiration Date short is all about it, with him trying to get a date with her before he dies of cancer.

Soldier, the American Idiot

The Soldier, real name Jane Doe, is a red-blooded American patriot from somewhere in the mid-west USA. He fights using a rocket launcher, a shotgun, and a shovel. He is not a real solider. In fact, he was turned away from WWII because of his mental instability. That didn't stop him from buying a ticket and going to Germany himself, beating the crap out of all of them Nazis. He only stopped when he was told that the current year was 1949 and the war had ended four years ago.

Soldier is what I'd argue to be the character the narrative focuses on the most. You'd be pressed to find a comic that doesn't feature him a lot. He's the second half of the WAR! update, the first merc that Miss Pauling recruits when the actual main comics happen, generally pops up a lot in bits and pieces of the lore, and is one of the stars of Expiration Date.

Soldier was roommates with a 6,000 year old wizard named Meramus. Meramus is a character from TF2's annual Halloween event, Scream Fortress, and is a silly wizard who attacks them once every year. Despite this, the two of them lived together. Past tense because Meramus was kicked out. Here's a panel from a comic about this that I find funny.

Soldier also drinks lead water. The water in the base is the same water that the people from a nearby town, Teufort, which is all full of idiots from the water situation. We don't know if he's like this because of the water. It's probably not the only reason.

Pyro, the Silly!!

The Pyro has no identity, no backstory, nothing. Anything we know about them is pretty much nothing. They, along with the Spy, are the most unknown of the mercs, but even then we still know more about Spy and generally what he's like. Pyro? Nothing. We don't even know their gender.

Pyro fights with a flamethrower, shotgun, and fire axe, however they see these items as a cute and wholesome version. In Meet the Pyro, it's revealed that Pyro sees the world through a oddly sweet lens, full of lolipops and rainbows and whatever. This isn't reality, obviously, and what Pyro sees as them petting a dog is probably them gutting it.

Pyro and the Engineer have some sort of bond and connection, most likely stemming from how Pyro's in-game help out Engineers by keeping away spies and whatnot, as flamethrowers are the best ways to get rid of them.

Anywho, that's Pyro. The silly!!

Demoman, Man I Love Being Drunk

The Demoman, real name Travis Finnegan DeGroot, is a self-proclaimed "black Scottish cyclops". He fights with a stickybomb launcher, a grenade launcher, and a bottle of his beloved whiskey: scrumpy. Demoman is a full-blooded Scotsman hailing from Ullapool and has a long, long lineage of fellow bombmakers and general stuff.

Demoman is actually one of the more intelligent members of the team, being knowledgeable of chemicals and bomb making. This is however not exactly known as 90% of the time he's black-out drunk. He gets drunk so often that his liver actually changed to adapt to this sort of environment, now drawing minerals from booze as if it were water. Now Demo basically gets poisoned by drinking water.

Demo's eye is actually cursed, by the way. No, he didn't lose it during some fight or some accident. Well, I mean, it technically was an accident. He opened up a cursed book, the Bombinomicon, and now his eye is just. fucked.

In fact, the Medic tried giving him a new eye. Several times in fact! Why doesn't he have it still? Well, uh, this.

He's so silly.

Heavy, The TF2 Guy

The Heavy Weapons Guy, real name Mikhail (or Misha), is a Russian man hailing from Siberia. He fights with his miniguns, a shotgun, and his fists. He's rather fond of his guns, in particular his main one, Sasha.

Heavy is a family man and generally a lot different than how a ton of the internet characterizes him. He's intelligent, having a PhD in Russian Literature, and a lot more soft-spoken. When he was young, his father, a counter revolutionist, was taken by the KGB. Soon enough, his entire family were imprisoned in a gulag. They escaped and found refuge, but Heavy became protective over his sisters and mother.

TF2 goes hard, like if you agree. Every time I think about Heavy I just get increasingly sad.

Heavy likes sandwiches. A lot. In fact, you can swap out his shotgun in the game for a sandwich (or some other food item). Apparently in TF2 canon, Heavy just hunkers down in some corner after taking a good amount of damage and starts eating this ham sandwich to suddenly have his bullet wounds be healed.

Engineer, YEEEEHAWWW!!!

The Engineer, real name Dell Conagher, is a hardworking man who's come round from Bee Cave, Texas. He fights using a shotgun, a pistol, his trusty wrench, and a little tiny box called the PDA. That lil' box gives the Engineer a major advantage, being able to now make buildings. Dispensers that give ammo and medkits. Teleporters that make traversing the maps easier. Lets not forget the sentries now either, stationary automatic guns that fire upon any enemy that gets too close.

If the name "Conagher" seems familiar, that would be because Engie is the grandson of Radigan Conagher from all the way back. Also Fred Conagher, who was the Engineer for TFC. Here's the both of them when Engie was a kid.

Engie is commonly mischaracterized as being normal. This is because he seems smart and okay. He is not. I need you to understand that his Meet the Team video has him using a BLU Sniper's body as his campfire and he shows little to no reaction to bullets being mere inches away from his face. He just sits there and plays his guitar while his sentry guns mow down anybody nearby. Also the whole being a mercenary and his job being to kill people.

Unfortunately for Engie there's not too much Funny comic book stuff about him. His big break was mostly with the Loose Cannon comic. In other ones he's usually a supplemental character to the others. In the main comics he's the sort of caregiver to the Administrator, just sort of standing around her while she says stuff.

That doesn't make me any less terminally ill about him in this one comic though. They make me SICK!! I love them,,

And, well, speaking of these two...I suppose it was only a matter of time before we got to him.

Medic, You Already Know Who This Is

The Medic, real name maybe Ludwig Humbolt? I dunno. It's unclear. All that's really confirmed is that his last name is probably most likely Ludwig. Some people like Ludwig Humbolt. Others like Fritz Ludwig. I like calling him Ludwig Ludwig.

Anyways, this is Medic! He hails from Stuttgart/Rottenburg, Germany (it's not very clear where he's from) and he is a bit of a silly little fellow. He fights using his trusty bonesaw, a syringe gun of sorts, and a unique device of his own creation: the medi-gun. With this machine, he's able to heal people as well as deploy an übercharge, which makes both the Medic and whomever his medi-gun's healing beam is connected with invincible for eight seconds.

The Medic is a silly little fellow. One fascinating thing you can see about him is how his character has been shifted since the launch of the game. His voice lines in-game are a lot more...er, how should I say this...Nazi German stereotype-ish? Hehh, uh... So not particularly great. He's barking orders and generally seen kind of like that.

However, as time goes on and more and more updates come out, his character shifts. The Pyro goes under similar changes in presentation, going from a mysterious and scary character to more friendly and cutesy. With Medic? He forgos that previous stereotype and more or less just becomes a mad scientist archetype. He's got a silliness to him that wasn't present when the game first launched.

My favourite example of this shift in character is the change in how the Meet the Medic videos would've been. Did you know there was a scrapped Meet the Medic video? It was a lot more like the earlier ones, styled like an interview he was giving. He's doing it on a train(?) and it shows how he created the medi-gun. There's a noticeable lack of silliness, aside from when the Spy head begins talking. The Medic is a lot more stern and serious, mentioning more how he's proud of being able to make gods out of men.

Then, of course, we see the actual Meet the Medic. Medic is preforming surgery on the Heavy, and it's all fairly silly and wacky. Medic explodes Heavy's heart, his birds are just straight up inside Heavy's organs, he basically tells the Spy head (which is actually a reference to the OG Meet the Medic video) to shut up, and laughs away like what he's doing is no big deal. He's got a manic twitch to him. He's a brilliant scientist, though a mad one at that.

I have a lot to say about Medic if you can't already tell. He's my silly!! He's the guy giving me all of this brainrot over this game. I just go into detail about his characterization because it's a major pet peeve of mine when people label him as a uncaring sadist who hates his team and wants to experiment on them all. He IS an uncaring sadist, but he's sill and I will go down swinging on this hill that he, at the bare minimum, cares about his team. I rationalize his in-game voice lines by saying it's from him a) dying a lot and getting pissed off at how his teammates just let it happen and b) he's having a manic episode every day at work and has zero filter. All of them have zero filter when battling. If they all acted the way they did in the game, then characters like Scout should be GO GO GO GO!!!! 24/7 without rest, something that's certainly not the case in Expiration Date. On a similar note, let's not forget that Medic and Engie decided to spend their last few days trying to develop some kind of cure for their tumors.

Anyways, deranged EngieMedic fangirling aside (these two make me violently ill and they are the only characters I could even dare to say I "ship")(even then it's as a QPR because I'm diseased and hit Medic with my aroace-ification ray)(you cannot convince me that this man in alloro in any way shape or form he does not even know what an emotion besides mania and blistering rage is), Medic is a fascinating character who I feel not too many people really get. He's either written as a pencil-pushing busy-body vaguely Nazi stereotype or as a soft uwu twink cinnamon roll who wants to help his team and only has a small sadistic streak and only wants to be railed by Heavy. You guys don't get it. He's silly :)

Oh, yeah, right, Heavy. Heavy and Medic definitely do have a connection established. I left it out in Heavy's section, mostly because I want to give focus onto Heavy as a character and leave Medic out of it. Heavy already gets piss pour treatment by the fandom, where he's just reduced to "the other guy" in every ship. He doesn't deserve that...

But, yeah, Medic and Heavy certainly is kinda pushed. Medic and Heavy duos in the game aren't that uncommon, as Heavy is a good tank and Medic can hide behind him, leading to Heavy more or less becoming a stream of bullets to mow down anybody nearby. In Meet the Medic, Medic experiments on Heavy's heart and the big climactic end has him activating the übercharge on Heavy. In the comics themselves, Classic Heavy, the inverse of our normal Heavy, is antagonistic and extremely rude towards Medic. The complete and utter opposite of what Heavy and Medic had back in the day. Then finally he shows up when Medic is literally About To Die.

Blah blah blah, there's a lot of stuff relating back to Heavy and Medic at the VERY LEAST having some sort of ties and liking to each other. That's the reason why there's like 1100+ fics on Ao3 tagged with them.

Medic is a silly goober as previously mentioned. As shown in the Engineer section, he experiments on random civilians. I like to imagine that he doesn't particularly do random fucked up experiments on the RED team, but rather he more or less does everything on civilians. He enjoys putting somebody through pain and suffering, but he wants it to mean something. He doesn't want to just mess with people. He tests out the bounds of which a person can go to, which he does on random people he plucks off the street because there's replaceable to him. His teammates? Not so much.

Oh, and also the Classic Team. He doesn't care about these people. They suck! They aren't his friends. So he just does. this sort of stuff.

He's a bit special. Love him dearly for it.

Sniper, Aww Piss

The Sniper, real name Mick Mundy (real birth name being Mun-Dee), is an young Aussie from the outback. Yes. Young. This man is roughly 30 in 1972 (when the comics take place). Can't you tell by how stereotypically young he looks? Sniper fights using a sniper rifle (duh), an SMG (or other items), and a kukri (big knife).

He's one of the most level-headed of the mercs. Not sane, but rather a man who sticks to being professional and a set of rules. Despite this more refined sense of mercenary work, his parents don't exactly support him being a crazed gunman. Also his parents aren't his biological ones.

That's right, Sniper is adopted. Why do we care? Because he's not Australian, but rather from New Zealand. New Zealand is at the bottom of the ocean, by the way. In 1932 they sunk their entire country because Bill-Bel, Sniper's dad, convinced everyone that the world was going to become an uninhabitable wasteland if they didn't otherwise do this. Ten years later, and when little baby Mun-Dee was born, Bill-Bel and his wife began working on a rocket to escape to space because now they were convinced that earth was going to explode or something. They only built the rocket big enough for one person though, so they fought over who would survive. While fighting, Mun-Dee crawled into it, was shot up into the sky, and then crash landed immediately onto Australia.

So Sniper is Superman.

Also, remember how I said that Sniper sticks to rules and such? Yeah, apparently being a professional also means throwing jars of piss at people. Jarate, a form of jar-based karate invented by Saxton Hale, owner of MannCo.

Sniper's just like that.

Spy, Fr*ch

The Spy, real name unknown, is the second most mysterious character. He's from France (no idea where particularly) and he's just kinda. yeah. There. He fights using his butterfly knife, which he can instantly kill anybody he backstabs, a revolver, and a sapper so he can destroy the Engineer's buildings. Also, an invisibility watch, where he's able to cloak himself and become invisible, and the ability to disguise himself as the enemy team.

The Spy is a richy-rich upperclassman. He likes the finer things in life. Smoking, wine, expensive suits, all that. He's a lot more refined and generally snobbish than the other mercs. However, I don't think of him as exactly mean or rude. Definitely stuck-up, but he cares about his teammates. In Expiration Date, he takes the time to ask everyone what their final wish is. When that's a bust, he then happily spends time with Scout and teaching him how to get ladies.

Ah, yes, right. Scout and Spy. Spy is actually the Scout's father. It's a theory that has been around since the release of Meet the Spy, with the RED Spy being in pornography staring Scout's mother. It's been tossed around and hinted at, with their dynamic and Expiration Date as well as a couple references to Spy and DNA tests. Then, in The Naked and the Dead comic, it's pretty much outright confirmed. While Scout is bleeding out and on the verge of death, Spy takes a moment to finally give Scout some peace.

...while disguised as Tom Jones, of course.

I could go on and on about this scene and how I feel about Spy's characterization and his dynamic with Scout, but blah blah blah...yeah. Spy TF2.

Annnddd that's it for now! Basic summary of it all. The characters, the lore, all of it. I've reached the image limit and have been sort of dancing around it for a while now. Hope this was informative. Toodles!!

[peachsayshi]

Member of the OG playboy geto fans community here!! We survived the drought and look how you blessed us yesterday! So well worth the wait 😭😭😭😭💕

He was definitely being a little bitch to reader throughout the trip oh god (and I'm ngl, a strict bitch like me would've packed her bags and left the moment he said that he's spending the night with Yuki. Toodles!👋🏻😘), but him opening up after that was really tender. He's had it real rough I'm guessing.

And if I'm not wrong you'd mentioned in a previous part that he had to shoulder responsibility for his single mother and twin sisters right? So I guess the aversion to commitment in romance kind of makes sense. He's like one of those people who kind of do have their toxic ways but if you know the shit they dealt with it just makes sense. Like you can't even hate them because you know you'd be in a similar position too if you were in their shoes😭

And all things aside, a man apologising by eating me out and making me cum..?? How am I supposed to be mad at you after that my guy 🧍🏻‍♀️ I'm a sucker for makeup sex anyway so that was so fun to read.

You are too good at writing intimate scenes. The transition is so natural and it never feels like it's too much or lacklustre. Just the right amount of heat! Thank you so much peachy this series is a personal favourite for me (I'm the anon who previously said that this story is similar to my relationship irl if you remember😭) so yes I'm super grateful to you for giving us this chapter. Thank you! It was delightful and I hope you enjoy writing this series as much as we love reading it.

HI, NONNIE! ahhhh! of course I remember you! it's always so nice to interact with readers who have been reading my fics for a while 😭 it also just means so much to me, and I am so completely flattered that you're still interested in the story! I always worry that people might fall off because I have such long periods before updating but seeing this message put a huge smile on my face!

I wanted to show the sharper side of Suguru. I always say that I can't picture him as inherently good, I do feel like he has this darkness in his regardless but he fights it. With this particular fight, I wanted to show his cruelty because he felt betrayed by the reader. Like, he's done so much and in this one instance I wanted to show that he was hoping that she would trust him but she didn't. He was hurt, and wanted to hurt her back :c

Yes! You're spot on!! I needed him to have a reason to be being so anti-commitment and even though I never actually wrote this out, in my head geto's dad leaves his mom for another woman - therefore abandoning his family. geto has a very detached relationship with his father - they speak rarely, and geto is super cold. he's very protective of his mom and mimiko and nanako in this scenario.

I'm a HUGE sucker for make up sex!! and I wanted to have a chapter dedicated to him eating her out XD it was a real guilty pleasure writing this, but this is one of my favorite stories that I have put together so far ^.^

Thank you so, so, so much for your feedback! I am so glad you enjoy the writing and it means the world whenever I hear from your guys! I'm sending all my love out too, nonnie! hugs and kisses xoxoxo

[bohemianboynton]

Needed It (Thomas Raggi x f!reader)

Summary: it's just porn with very little plot lmao

Warnings: SMUT, sexual intercourse with so many details, the reader is a virgin.

Author's note: I wrote this in one day and came up with so many details (aka thinking dirty thoughts when I shouldn't have) over the course of less than an hour or two. This is also probably the first actual Thomas smut I've completed, but I have plenty of WIPs saved. >:) Let me know what you guys think!

Word Count: 1.4k, short and sweet

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You’d only met him at a local pub in Rome, your host city, but he definitely made a lasting impression on you. He was with friends having a few drinks, but not too many. 

You didn’t realize who he was at first until you took a second glance at him: Thomas from Måneskin. You were a casual listener of the band, and while studying abroad in Italy, how could you avoid mentions of them?

You chatted with him, and it eventually led to being invited to his house. One thing led to another, and the two of you were soon engaging in some heavy petting. However, before you could move on to something below the waist, your phone’s alarm went off to remind you to go home. But you did get his phone number.

Many friendly messages over a few days later, you both agreed to hang out at his house once more. 

The make out session continued, but you got even farther this time, as if you both had the idea of, “now, where were we?”

It got to the point where he (and you) were ready to do the real deal: old fashioned intercourse.

But there was one problem. You were still a virgin. Sure, you had been with other guys before, but the farthest you got with them were blowjobs and handjobs.

This time though, you really craved penetration. You were beyond tired of using your toys and lube, and needed the real thing. Something throbbing and alive. That, and you were tired of being alone for so long.

Thomas was taking off his pants when you told him, with you watching him strip a few feet away from where you were watching him while lying on your stomach on the still made bed.

“You’re a virgin?” He asked, eyebrows raised.

“Yes. I’ve never had sex.” You replied with a nervous tone.

“Well, if you don’t feel comfortable having sex, you could just, you know...” he said, making an awkward jerking off gesture to signify a handjob. 

“No, no. I need it so badly right now.” You blurted out, immediately turning red in the face.

Thomas smiled and laughed a little. “I’m not going to lie, I liked hearing that.”

He continued to unzip his pants while you took off the last of your clothes. 

Your eyes immediately turned to the prominent bulge in his underwear. 

You already felt so nervous at the thought of how his dick looked: how long it was, how thick it was, and even how hairy and veiny it probably was. 

He gave you another look before revealing his genitalia. 

He slowly pulled down his briefs and his cock sprang free, released from the restricting fabric. 

To say he was well endowed was a bit more than fitting. He was definitely bigger than the guys you previously dated, and to top it off, he was rather well groomed down there. Aesthetically pleasing, yes, but that was the farthest thing in your mind: all you could think about was how he could possibly fit that cock inside your cunt. You definitely wouldn’t be able to walk straight after doing the deed, that was for sure.

He must have caught you staring with wide eyes, because he cleared his throat to get your attention. 

You looked up at him, embarrassed. “Oh. Sorry”, you said with an awkward smile.

“It’s perfectly fine, (Y/N), don’t worry. I find it flattering that my cock has your attention, actually.”

You laughed nervously. 

“There’s a condom in the nightstand drawer. Do you need any lube? I have some in another drawer.” He asked in a rather caring tone.

Getting up from your position on the bed, you nodded and dug around in the nightstand drawers for what you feel like you required and handed the condom and medium sized bottle of lube to him before laying on your back. Thomas opened the package and put on the rubber protection, and proceeded to rub some lubricant on his covered dick. He tossed the bottle to you, and you got everything down there slick. Well, slicker. Your body was eager for this to happen. Your cunt was aching for him to penetrate it, your body was trembling, and your heart was racing as you tried not to breathe too much and too heavily. 

Thomas came closer and climbed onto the bed, right above your body.

“Are you sure you want this?” He asked. It was obvious he was dying to fuck you and needed some action, but he was willing to change his mind if you decided to back out.

You stared at his face. He had a look in his eyes that could be described as craving and lustful. 

You took a deep breath and ran your fingers through his shaggy blonde hair, not breaking eye contact. His face was inches away from yours. You spread your legs as wide as you could without hurting yourself and braced yourself.

“Yes.” You replied.

“Just let me know if I’m hurting you, okay?” He said as he pulled back slightly and looked down at his dick, grabbing it to guide it to where it needed to be at that moment.

Your eyes were still trained on his face.

Suddenly, you felt it. 

A gasp left your mouth as his penis slowly stretched your vagina with every inch passing through your lubed up labia. 

You looked down at what was going on, and your pussy clenched for a second, causing Thomas to groan a little. 

You knew he wasn’t in pain, quite on the contrary, you recognized the familiar noise of a man trying to keep it together and not prematurely cum. 

As he kept going in, you felt the veins on his cock throb through the condom, and it made you tremble even more. 

He stopped when both of your pubic areas touched. His dick was all the way inside of you.

You looked back at him with the widest eyes you’ve ever had and breathed heavily. He looked right back at you, not breaking eye contact until he leaned in for some sloppy kisses, and you gladly reciprocated his actions. 

He moved his head away and looked behind you at the headboard, focusing as he began to move, slowly pulling almost all the way out, only to nearly slam back in. You gasped and he grunted in response. 

He thrusted again, but slightly quicker. And it only got faster. And faster. So fast to the point where you were feeling ecstasy, unable to control your moans.

Thomas was moaning too, and he got even louder as he chased his high and as wet skin began to slap rapidly. You wrapped your arms around his body and pulled you closer, so close to where his chest hair was almost rubbing against your breasts and erect nipples. It only made things more heavenly for you, as you let out a scream before calling out his name at the same volume. 

Your walls clenched hard around him a final time as you felt an orgasm being drawn out from your body. 

Thomas kept going for a few seconds, his eyes having been trained on your face before your release. It wasn’t long until his cock twitched and he slowed down as he emptied his load into the condom. 

He pulled out, took the condom off, and tied it before throwing it in the trash can on the other side of the bed. All the while you were both sticky with sweat and panting heavily.

Thomas collapsed on his back onto the bed beside you and pushed the hair out of his face. You turned to face him and he did the same, with a small smile as his chest heaved repeatedly. 

“I-um.…” you began, after catching your breath. 

He laughed. “You don’t have to explain anything. That was amazing. I really needed that. I’ve wanted to do this ever since you came over to my house the first time. Before your phone went off.”

You laughed slightly. “Thanks?” You said without much thought.

He reached out for your hand. 

“Trust me, I really enjoyed that. You weren’t bad for a virgin, not bad at all.” He said with a goofy grin as your hands weakly and shakily gripped each other.

A feeling of warmth spread across your face and chest as you turned your head to look at the ceiling. Post sex glow.

Thomas pulled you closer to his body and wrapped his long, skinny arms around you. He gave you a short but sweet kiss on the top of your head. You turned your head to face him once more and gazed into his relaxed eyes. 

It was safe to say that you both needed that, and very much so at that.

[serendertothesquad]

Seren's Studies: Odd Squad UK -- "The Other Ozzie" Episode Followup, Part 1

Well, this can either go really really great! Or it can go like "this shit...is so ass".

According to the fandom, this is a good episode, so I'm hoping that'll be the case for me as I pry off my cynic glasses, smile, and kick back at this episode that is titled similarly to "The New Ozzie" BUT IT BETTER NOT BE LIKE "THE NEW OZZIE" OR ELSE I WILL RI-

Let's get started with a followup on our last pre-finale episode. Below the break!

Fun fact: there's this family in my area who goes around to stores and supposedly plays the violin, except they don't and they're faking it.

That's what this is, but on a less egregious scale.

...Oh. It's a Jon episode. He wrote "A Dish Served Odd" previously, I believe.

Again, as long as it's not Omar or Tasha. I'll take what I can get.

Keytar, Ozzie. It's called a keytar.

Man can't know his instruments worth a hill of beans.

DO NOT THE POKE CHILD.

DO

NOT

THE POKE

CHI-

Okay, I said what I said about the violin family as a half joke! I didn't think it would actually come true!

I believe this is what people call "the world's most punchable face".

But...you can't really punch a child unless you wanna be a big-shot asshole, so...

Orli once again displaying God's gift of self-awareness of what series she's in and what universe she's in, while also missing the entire damn point at the same time.

"He's from an alternate universe."

So anyway, here's my 300-page bible on Agent Mandy and Peaches, my two OCs from an alternate uni- why are you getting in your car. WHERE ARE YOU GOING. LEMME GUSH ABOUT MY ODD SQUAD CROSSOVER ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE, PLE-

Hold on, hold on. So this is something that's FUCKING NORMALIZED FOR THIS PRECINCT?!?!?!?!

That's such a fucking cool concept and it took them 10 fucking years to implement it why?!?!?!?!

So the way I see it, this is a world where Odd Squad: The Movie is made many, many times over.

...The movie we know has already been proven to be canon in this universe...

I want you to sit on this. Really sit on it. Think of the sheer possibilities. Think of all the fanfic material.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH BUM-BUUUUUUUUM BUM-DA-DUMMMMM-

"We usually end our cases with math."

You guys remember when Omar -- the agent, not the writer -- interrupted a math lesson with "WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT MATH?!?!"

This isn't exactly the same thing, but God if this isn't the most self-aware shit of the entire fucking season right here.

Mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: a villain turning things and people purple is very reminiscent of the show's pilot, which had Olive showing a slide of the same thing happening to a family.

Different countries, same oddness, abso-fuckin'-lutely a reference or you can bite my hot dog package whole.

...Oh no.

OHHHHHHH NO.

I THOUGHT THIS WAS FROM THE FUCKING FINALE. WHAT DO YOU M E A N IT'S FROM THIS EPISODE?????

*long sigh* Bad enough when Goopy Gus reared his ugly head, now they're doing it for Canadian-exclusive villains.

I'm going to get one of my biggest gripes out of the way now: the Baroness of Goo. She was portrayed as a villainess last season, but wasn't a villainess in Season 2. And Season 2 would be right, because she's not villainous; she's just incredibly hard to please. Why this franchise is so keen on painting her otherwise, when they have 10 years' worth of villains in a rogues gallery, I will never understand.

Of course, you should know my biggest gripe is that 3/4 of the villains on this board are Canadian. Lady Bread, Threesie Louise-ie, Game Show Gary, Mr. Lightning, the Baroness, the Stitcher, Father Time, Monsieur Papier-Mache, Goopy Gus, and the Waffler are all Canadian. (William Ocean is a bit blurred since he originated in Season 3, but it's not in the UK where he debuts. The Stitcher is a bit of an exception since she travels, but the sentiment is the same and it's implied she traverses in Canada so I'm including her.) We've had numerous villains they could have used to fill the board, up to and including the Terrible Three if they wanted to aim for foreshadowing. Instead Jon gave us nonsensical callbacks like this instead of narrowing the count down for an 11-minute episode or reworking the moral so the board isn't there at all.

Genuinely was not expecting this, and I had high hopes for this episode, but this is easily one of the most maddening things in the entire season bar whatever the fuck happens in the finale and now I am extremely pissed off.

Jon, I respect you, but don't do this. Either halve the board, or don't have it at all and focus on another mathematical aspect. None of these Canadian villains have any righteous reason to be in the UK, unless...

...Unless this season is trying to paint this as Anytown, Anycountry. And if they're doing that, then fuck you genuinely. Could have just said "Manchester" and been done with it, but nope.

*another long sigh* God, and we're only 3 minutes in. At this point I'm holding out for the in-universe blooper reel.

Ohhhh, so it's a dumber Ozzie.

I'd have liked it if he were more egotistical than dumb, but let's just hope this will be the funny stupid and not the "I'm going to army-crawl through non-comedic bullets" stupid.

These halls really shouldn't be echoing, and I don't think audio should be coming from the left audio channel only, either.

Now how in the hell does he get "Osner" from "Orli"?

To everyone who has ever questioned how the franchise handles memes, I need you to look at this, and then look at me as I tell you, "There's no fucking hope for an Among Us cameo or anything rent-free unless you really stretch your brain."

The Math Lady meme was already dated when "Villains Helping Villains" came out. Now it seems like the only how-do-you-do-fellow-kids thing they're willing to lean back on because it involves math. Which is stupid, and they really could commit to adding more memetic things if they wanted to.

Jon, what in the absolute fuck are you doing?

If I really wanted to, I could view this as some sort of jab at the acting industry. Maybe...not in the UK, but definitely in America.

Autonomy is as dead in his world as chivalry.

Now, see, you notice how a good chunk of the Canadian villains are crossed out here? Now we only have Mr. Lightning, the Baroness, the Stitcher and the Waffler as outliers.

...Oh my God, if it's the Baroness I'm going to launch myself into my yard and beat the ground and scream infinitely.

"And you're doing this without a script?"

"Well...yes, but also no. You see, I'm playing a character named Orli on a show called Odd Squad, so before each take, I have to read a script and-"

"Oh my gosh, we're twins!"

Alexander Shaw busted ass for his fucking paycheck this week, and he will not let you forget it.

I won't forget, because I respect the grind.

Orli you DENSE motherfucker. She kinda has to say it, because...y'know...the math lesson. Don't act like ya don't know!

I'm sorry, but there's not much that can beat the hairwear of the museum curator in "Ahead of the Times". That's one of the best designs in the entire franchise!

I'd normally crack on this book, but purple is a very strong indicator color for power, so there being a villains' guide for it kinda makes sense.

That being said, the more I think about whether it's the Baroness or not, the sicker I get.

NNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FAAAAAAAAAAAHCK.

Okay, it's not the Baroness, I'm relieved, but still...this callback fucking pains me. How we went from "A Dish Served Odd" to this shit I will never understand.

Keep things linear. No episode callbacks. If you're doing one, make it smooth. This is as rough as riding in a Jeep.

Looking this up, I'm aware it's a Sherlock reference.

And frankly, I'm not fond of it.

Ahh, see, and it looks even goofier than when Mudbriar did the same thing in MLP!

They can try and disguise it all they want, but I know it's a Math Lady meme reference because I know my fucking shit.

(On to Part 2!)