#I say telenovelas to be more widely understood but I do mean that in the Brazilian just ‘novela’ way

[spookiat]

Comic plotlines can’t hurt me, I grew up on telenovelas

[goffilolo]

Demsie of Midoriya Izuku part 12

And finally, after a long ass wait I present to you chapter 12, the longest chapter I ever wrote. It was a bitch to write but i hope you enjoy it. You can also read the fic on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11557743/chapters/34511609

Once again Izuku found himself on the hospital’s rooftop. It was a rather nice day, if one doesn’t count the catastrophe of a family reunion that took place mere hours ago. Although for someone who was admitted to the psychiatric ward after taking a jump from the top of a school building, the staff sure didn’t have any trouble leaving Izuku unsupervised out here. To be fair he WAS currently stuck in a wheelchair and the fence here was much higher and much sturdier than the one in his school, so yeah, fuck the hospital staff, they won’t even let you repeat your mistakes.

...Definitely not something he should say out loud in this place, lest his sweet release form goes to hell and he’s gonna be stuck for the rest of eternity in a white room with no doorknobs and a very unimpressed Shin.

Where was he?

Oh yeah, he was on the rooftop smoking a cigarette that he stole from his dad’s pocket while hugging him. ‘That is definitely a new low, even for me’ thought Izuku while trying not to choke, as his lungs resisted the offensive smoke. He never understood why people would start smoking, the stench was impossible to stand, the coughing was straight up annoying, not to mention the underlying knowledge that you’re basically giving yourself cancer. He never understood, but the curiosity was there, which is why when he felt the outline of the cigarette pack in the pocket of his father’s trench coat he thought to himself ‘Life is already so goddamn weird, this might as well happen’.

And it did.

Unfortunately his musings were interrupted by a sudden slam of the door, followed by a disheveled looking Shin.

“I am disappointed on so many levels, I don’t even know where to begin” said the doctor in his typical stone cold bitch fashion upon noticing the offending cancer stick in his patient’s mouth.

“Usually ‘Izuku, what the fuck?!’ is a good start-” replied the boy, as if he wasn’t struggling to breathe mere moments ago. And maybe, just maybe he would’ve managed to sound as smug as he hoped for, if it wasn’t for the coughing fit immediately interrupting his comeback.

“Alright, THAT’S IT!”

With that Shin stormed over to his patient and snatched the cigarette from his mouth and stomped it with his foot, while smacking Izuku on the back in a panicked manner.

The doctor continued to shout hysterically through Izuku’s cough attack “Goddamnit Izuku! You can’t just suffocate like that!” he continued to smack the boy on the back.

“Aaagh, I don’t even know how to do first aid!”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW FIRST AID?! YOU’RE A FUCKIN DOCTOR!”

“I’M A PSYCHIATRIST, NOT A PHYSICIAN YOU DUMBASS!”

Fortunately for the two the coughing fit finally let go and all they were left with was the sound of their laboured breathing as the panic slowly dissolved.

Eventually Shin sat down on the bench with a grunt while looking off into the distance as both him and Izuku simultaneously let out a long, tired sigh.

“What a day, huh?” asked the boy, his voice hoarse, his ears not expecting an answer.

The doctor finally looked down at the crushed cigarette as he extended his hand in Izuku’s direction and made a grabby motion “C’mon, hand the rest of them over” he said “Don’t think I’m so naive as to think you don’t have more.”

The teenager mumbled something under his breath as he begrudgingly handed over the cigarette pack.

“The lighter too!”

“Ugh!”

Once again Izuku complied, albeit not without throwing Shin the dirtiest glare he could manage.

“Where did you even get those?” asked the doctor, eyes full of concern and curiosity as he looked over the cigarette pack in his hand.

“Took it straight outta my dad’s pocket when I gave him a hug” said Izuku in a nonchalant fashion hoping to get a kick out of the good doctor.

Now THAT left him baffled “You stole cigarettes from your dad who’s WHAT? A spy? Secret agent-”

“Mom said he’s technically a mercenary” corrected Izuku.

“-A mercenary!” exclaimed Shin, his voice once again filled with panic “Without being noticed! I don’t know whether to be impressed or concerned” he said as an afterthought.

“Please be impressed” said Izuku “I don’t ever get to impress anyone.”

“You’re insufferable!”

“Thanks, you’re not so bad yourself” replied the boy.

“Anyway what are you doing here all by yourself? Don’t you have Mrs. Todoroki to bother? asked Shin, motioning to the wide, empty rooftop.

“Not until four. What about you, weren’t you supposed to be managing a group of very angry people trying to get their shit together?”

“Don’t change the topic. I want you to tell me why did you decide to smoke. You know how unhealthy and disgusting those cigarettes are? asked Shin as he shook his head in disapproval.

“You know what they say” joked the boy “Suicide for procrastinators!”

Oh, he shouldn’t have said that.

“You know, it would be a shame if your release form accidentally fell into a paper shredder, wouldn’t it?” asked Shin with his trademark unimpressed tone and face of a disappointed mother.

“Fuck you Shin! We both know you wouldn’t be able to put up with me that long. Now spill the tea cause you sure as hell ain’t here for a smoking break” said Izuku. As much as Shin annoyed him at times, he could appreciate  the banter between them. He never had that with anyone else, which made him wonder if Shin’s questionable level of professionalism would be a problem, although the man did tell him a story of how he had to fist fight his way into getting a medical licence, so maybe being professional was overrated.

“Look Izuku, I’m not supposed to be telling you these things, due to the patient confidentiality but - Fuck it! - you will never believe who came to the group anger management session!” and here goes the remains of Shin’s professionalism, taken to the back alley and shot in the head by his thirst for drama.

“Endeavour?” asked the boy, eyes full of hope, mischief and murder.

“You wish! No, it was Bakugou” exclaimed Shin in his suburban gossip mom voice.

Now THAT was way more interesting than his smoking habits. Fuckin’ Bakugou Katsuki in anger management? Everyone and their grandma joked about him needing it, but it was also equally known that it wouldn’t happen.

Did the Bakugou Shitshow really affect him that much?

“And what was Kacchan doing there? He got lost or something?”

The good doctor looked uncertain. He knew he overstepped the boundaries long ago when it came to Izuku’s case. He never meant for it to happen, it just came naturally, but now with Bakugou as his patient as well he would have to start being impartial for the sake of both of them and whatever remained of his professional conduct.

His initial impression of Bakugou based on what Izuku said wasn’t the best to say the least. But Shin knows he needs to put those feelings aside if it means helping Bakugou in making a personal progress and amending for the things he did in his misguided superiority complex.

...That being said a little gossip never killed anyone.

And maybe, just maybe telling Izuku of Bakugou’s progress could help them both in some way. Time will tell.

“Surprisingly no-” said Shin “He came to the session on his own accord from what I could tell. Now, you should’ve seen his face when he realised I was going to be the one running the session. It was priceless!” laughed the doctor as he waved for Izuku to come closer.

“Fuck, this is better than those shitty telenovelas of yours. Tell me everything. How did he look? What did he say?” asked Izuku, firing of the questions in a child-like excitement that used to be so typical of him before the fall.

“Now, as I said I can’t say much about the session itself, but he will be coming back for one-on-one sessions, so you might end up bumping into him” warned the doctor.

“Oh FUCK NO! You gotta let me in on your schedule so I can avoid that!”

“You’ve been snooping around my office recently, shouldn’t you know my schedule already?” asked Shin, not even bothered about Izuku’s not-so-subtle snooping around confidential paperwork, because sometimes things be like that.

“First of all I have no idea what you’re talking about” said the boy, trying to feign ignorance, although his need for sarcasm took over relatively quickly “and second of all, even if I did I wouldn’t have looked at your schedule, only the official evaluation notes you submit to the board. Gotta stay updated on the shit you tell them about me.”

“You know what-” suddenly Shin was interrupted by a beeping sound coming from his pager. He took a quick glance at the device to check the room number.

“Well, it was nice talking, but it looks like Mrs. Todoroki needs me” announced the doctor as he stood up and adjusted his glasses, readying himself to return to the ward.

“Hey Doc! Wait up, i was gonna go and see Mrs. Todoroki anyway” said Izuku, trying and failing to make a rotation in his wheelchair to get to the door. Eventually Shin turned around and took a hold of the wheelchair’s handles, pushing Izuku into the elevator.

“For all the talk about elevator music I don’t think I’ve ever been in an elevator that played any music. Like are they ever real, or are the just some cryptids?”

“Izuku I wish you came with a mute button”

“Thanks, I get that a lot”

The rest of the elevator ride was silent. It was a good type of silence though, one that didn’t indicate tension or left either side feeling the need to fill ssid silence with useless chatter. More often than not Izuku found himself feeling quite content in the company of the eccentric doctor, Mrs. Todoroki, the gossipy four-armed nurse and Fuyumi-neesan. Over the years as his quirkless status left him isolated, the only silence Izuku experienced was the lonely, unfulfilling one. Now though, despite the situation he’s in, the boy can safely say that the past six weeks in the hospital felt better than the past ten years of his life.

“Ok, that’s just sad” said Shin, interrupting Izuku’s thoughts.

“Huh?”

“You were mumbling again” he explained.

With a quiet ‘DING’ the elevator door opened and the doctor stepped out, followed by the quiet, metallic screech made by Izuku’s wheelchair. Just as the two were rounding up the corner in the direction of Mrs. Todoroki’s room, Izuku bumped into the bespectacled doctor as he abruptly stopped in his tracks.

“Shin, what the-”

“Shhhh!”

The doctor quickly backtracked and peeked out from the corner they were standing behind. Izuku wasn’t sure what startled the doctor, but it must’ve been serious.

“Psst, Doc” whispered Izuku “why are we hiding?”

“He’s here…”

“Who?”

“Endeavour!”

Izuku couldn’t believe his ears. He rolled the wheels forward as quietly as possible to take a look, and sure enough, an angry looking trash can on fire known as Endeavour was standing in front of his wife’s room, accompanied by Fuyumi-neesan who looked somewhat panicked as she tried to calm her father down. Izuku quickly turned back and looked at Shin.

“Shit! he can’t be here. He’s only going to upset Mrs. Todoroki, what do we do?” asked the boy, his protective side taking over.

Izuku has grown very fond of the gentle woman, who suffered abuse at the hands of her husband along with her children. He could never understand how anyone could bring themselves to hurt her, yet here he was, faced with the very monster who did. He wasn’t a hero, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t help her.

“I’m pretty sure she called for a doctor to scare him away. I can’t tell him to leave without a reason, so we must do something to provoke him” mused Shin, the cogwheels in his head turning.

“I’ve got an idea” exclaimed Izuku, as loudly as he could without being overheard by the nearby flaming garbage can.

Shin felt skeptical, understandably so “Go on” he said nevertheless.

“We go out there and I start screaming like I’m batshit crazy, that will throw his off his rhythm. Then I grab a phone book and start hitting him with it, cause you know, phone books don’t leave bruises. While I do that you attack him from behind and hit him in the head. Once he’s out we take him to a secondary location and before you know it BAM someone’s gonna find him dead in the back of a trunk with his hand sticking out of the taillights three days later!”

Shin did not look impressed.

“Why-” he said, and if it wasn’t the most desperate and resigned tone Izuku has ever heard.

“Why are you like this?”

“What do you want me to say?” shrugged Izuku “The TV in the common room has access to Netflix.”

The doctor sighed once again, he expected nothing, yet he still managed to be disappointed.

“Look, I’m on board with the whole batshit crazy screaming, but none on the ‘found dead in the back of a car trunk’, deal?”

“Deal”

“So, do Do I just push you out there?”

“Yeah”

“Ok, but how crazy are we talking?”

“Forever-quill level of crazy”

“Jesus. Alright, let’s do this”

With a newfound resolve, the doctor once again grabbed the wheelchair handles and pushed his patient forward to do what had to be done.

Immediately Izuku started screaming like his life depended on it, while Shin schooled his expression to remain as impassive as possible. He’s sure they made quite a sight. Fuyumi looked over her father’s shoulder, very confused at Izuku’s behaviour, but Shin quickly mouthed ‘play along’ as discreetly as possible, to reassure Fuyumi and not have their charade given away.

As soon as the two got close enough Izuku started to shout nonsensical threats and insults at the man, hoping to antagonize him enough to get an aggressive response and get him kicked out.

“You fuckin’ pile of wombat shit!” screamed Izuku, trying to sound as angry and insane he was back during the quill incident.

To his credit Endeavour was so surprised at the sudden insult that he didn’t have the time to get angry straight away.

Although, being Endeavour his anger caught up to him rather quickly.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU INSOLENT BRAT?!”

“I KILLED GOD IN 2007 AND YOU’RE NEXT PAL!” screamed Izuku in a vicious manner, which cased Endeavour’s beard to light up in his signature flame.

He promptly turned towards the doctor, who seemed unusually calm and quiet despite handling an apparent lunatic “Aren’t you going to do anything about him?!” he asked, barely concealing his fury.

As always Shin managed to remain cold and professional when needed, which mostly occured when he had to bullshit his way through something as he answered the flaming man.

“Sir, as I’m sure you are aware this is a psychiatric ward, and this kind of behaviour is common in a lot of our more...unstable patients, so please try not to aggravate him further for his own wellbeing. On that note please put out the fire on your beard, as it is against our health and safety protocols to have any flame inside the building, otherwise I will have to get you removed from the premises.”

“YOU HEARD HIM, BEGONE THOT, BEGONE!” screeched the boy, waving his arms around in a chaotic manner, while Shin gently patted him on the head as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

By this point, Endeavour barely managed to put out the fire on his beard, gritting his teeth in fury only a step away from snapping, while Fuyumi did her best not to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“See right here?! The fire! I have a proof” shouted Izuku “ YOU’RE THE DEVIL! YOU THINK THAT WITH THE GOD GONE YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT, BUT JUST YOU FUCKIN WAIT, I WILL STAB YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A HEART STRAIGHT OUTTA YOU AND TAKE YOUR PLACE ON THE THRONE YOU HEAR ME?!”

“This is UNACCEPTABLE!” shouted Endeavour, once again addressing the doctor, seeing as there wasn’t any chance of talking sense into the insane teenager in the wheelchair.

“You know what’s unacceptable?” asked Izuku, in an eerie calm voice as he looked the man straight in the eye, for the first time not hiding behind the curtain of insanity. He thought of all the things Mrs. Todoroki told him, all the things he has gathered from his hero analysis as he gave the man the sharpest, most cruel  glare he could manage.

He managed to catch the man off guard once again.

“It’s unacceptable how a swine like you is still walking amongst us. You think you’re so smart? You think I can’t see the coldness and cruelty oozing off your heart?”

“Listen here boy” snarled Endeavour as he took a hold of the wheelchair and got right up in Izuku’s face “I don’t know what is going on inside that crazy head of yours, but you better stop that right now, before I get really mad!”

Izuku tried to swallow down the fear as he felt the heat radiating off the man’s beard once again. ‘It's for Mrs. Todoroki’ he told himself. He was so close.

“Or what?” asked Izuku with a smirk, his tone getting dangerously low and quiet so that only Endeavour could hear him “You’ll beat me like you did with the rest of your family?”

Bam! Critical hit!

Which was ultimately followed by the man snapping and violently grabbing Izuku in his fury.

“ALRIGHT, THAT’S ENOUGH!” exclaimed Shin as he motioned for one of the nurses to come over “Sir, you’re conducting yourself in a violent manner and threatening my patient, I am removing you from this ward, as well as banning you from any future visitations.”

The doctor and the four armed nurse both moved to pull Endeavour away from Izuku, but not before the boy has spat in the man’s face, wearing the most shit-eating grin to have ever graced the humanity.

As he was being dragged out, the angered man spared one last glance at the green haired boy in the wheelchair.

“Just you wait Endeavour” called out Izuku as he flipped the bird to the fuming man “This isn’t over. When I get out I will make your life living hell! I will set the whole world on fire if I have to!”

The man glared at the teenager, as his whole being became an embodiment of the wrath itself.

“This isn’t a threat-” said Izuku “-It’s a promise.”

Soon enough there was no Endeavour in sight and so Izuku turned to Fuyumi who at this point was barely holding it together.

“It’s ok, the trash was taken out, you can laugh now.”

Fuyumi doubled over almost immediately laughing harder than she ever did before. She felt hysteric, cathartic, so many things at once. No one has talked to her father like that, it was an amazing sight to say the least. Fuyumi knew that her father’s anger wouldn’t pass quickly after something like that, but for now she wanted to enjoy his defeat.

In the meantime Izuku wheeled himself closer to Mrs. Todoroki’s room and knocked on the door “He’s gone, you can come out now!”

The door opened as the white haired woman walked out hesitantly. While she wanted to laugh along with Fuyumi, her fear of Endeavour and concern for Izuku’s safety took over.

“Izuku, are you alright?” she asked, gently grasping Izuku’s face, turning it from side to side looking for any injuries.

“I’m fine, he just grabbed me suddenly at the end, but then I spat in his face and Shin and Ms. Shouji pulled him away” replied the boy, hoping to calm the woman down. Izuku himself was buzzing with energy, the encounter left him feeling a rush of adrenaline.

“I’m sorry” said Mrs. Todoroki “I didn’t want to drag you into this. I only called for Dr. Iyashi as a last resort, since I didn’t want to be alone with Enji.”

“It’s not your fault” replied Izuku as he hugged the woman in what he hopes was a reassuring manner “I wanted to say a few things to this bastard for a while. This was as good of an opportunity as any” he chuckled.

“As soon as I heard your voice I became so scared, I was so scared he would hurt you, just like hurt me and Shouto” she sobbed.

Shouto. Mrs. Todoroki’s youngest son. Izuku talked to the woman quite often and so he had a good grasp on the situation of the family. She talked about Shouto a lot, more often than not riddled with guilt, as she told over the same story of how she snapped and spilled boiling water on the child’s face, because it reminded her so much of her husband. The same story of the strict ‘training’ that Shouto was forced into by his father when his quirk manifested. The same story of her child, whose dream to be a great hero like All Might was shattered in a manner much different, yet just as brutal as Izuku. It was probably the first and the only time in Izuku’s life when he was glad to have been born without a quirk.

One day he was going to meet Shouto. He was already elbows deep in the Todoroki’s family drama, might as well go all the way. But that’s for later. Now he needed to comfort the woman who became like a second mother to him.

“I’m okay, you’re okay, he can’t hurt us anymore. Shin kicked him out of the hospital for good. He won’t be allowed to visit anymore.”

Speaking of Shin, the man just got back up from the reception, after having to escort the angry man out of the hospital and banning him from making any more visits.

“What you did-” he said while pointing at Izuku, still trying to catch his breath “-was the most stupid thing I have seen in my entire life. Do you have no self-preservation instinct?!”

“No”

“Thought so”

“C’mon Shin, don’t be so stiff, it was epic! I talk shit to Endeavour, spat on his face and got him kicked out of here. This couldn’t have been better!”

“Perhaps so, but still what did I tell you about being more careful?”

“I don’t know Shin, what did I tell YOU about not expecting miracles?”

“Dr. Iyashi!” called out Mrs. Todoroki “Thank you for helping me, and I’m sorry that I’ve put you both in this situation.

“Please don’t trouble yourself with it, it was about time this man got banned from here and as much as I’m furious with Izuku right now, he did do a splendid job in getting him kicked out” said Shin, wiping his glasses clean as he tried to give Izuku a reprimanding glare, although the effect wasn’t the same when he had to squint.

“Ok, cool! Now that this shitshow is over, how about we go to the common room and watch some Netflix?” asked Izuku.

“I wish I could, but I’ve got work to do” replied Shin.

“Don’t be like that Doc. WE are your work, you’ve gotta look after us so get your ass to the common room and look after us like a good doctor you’re supposed to be” said Izuku, already turning in the direction of the common room.

“Ugh, fine! But don’t think you’re off the hook after the stunt you pulled at the roof today” exclaimed the doctor as he joined his patient’s side and ruffled his hair.

“Wouldn’t dream of it!”

[smolfangirl]

We’re gonna let it burn

My dearest @ironic-lion, I know you’re mourning the Leotteo I won’t let you read, so I thought your birthday would be a great opportunity to write you a version I can actually publish. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it. Happy Birthday!

Matteo usually tried to make the best out of every situation life threw him into. He had no time for regrets.

This, however, was something he regretted immediately. Gastón stood next to his closet, in his hands the most horrible shirt to ever be made on earth. No, cancel that, the whole universe. “Really?”, he blurted out, “Gastón, buddy, mi amigo, I remember you said ugly, not ‘wear a shirt that can actually destroy your relationship’. Don’t you have… something else? That doesn’t give everyone eye cancer?”

A look at his best friend and Matteo knew there was no way to get out of this. With a headshake, he mumbled: “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.”

The smile on Gastón’s face grew bigger. “Don’t be so whiny. In the end, I bet you’ll still look great. And Luna will love it.”

Luna didn’t love it. In fact, she barely recognized him. She kept looking around, turning and tilting her head although he already walked up to her. “Hey, my little moon”, he greeted and that’s when she realized it was him.

Her jaw dropped, eyes wide open and full of a horror Matteo understood too well. Since he looked in the mirror for the first time, he constantly wanted to throw up. Only knowing Gastón owned a picture felt worse than wearing this for the day.

“Oh my…”, was the first thing to leave Luna’s mouth. When he leaned forward to kiss her hello, she turned away. “No. Sorry, it’s just… not with this shirt.”

“But, Luna, maybe it awoke my inner tiger?”, he joked – because honestly, humor was all he had left as a coping mechanism, “You know what they say, classy on the streets, a tiger…”

“Oh, shut up”, she interrupted, giving up and kissing him quickly. “You don’t need a shirt to awaken that side of you. But seriously – why?”

He knew she’d ask, yet he hated admitting his screw-up. “Gastón made me wear it, because I lost a bet.” Luna shook her head. Confusion leaked through her eyes, questioning him. “What did you do? I thought you’d only take bets when you can’t lose? And why a leo print?”

They were walking through the park now, which meant Matteo avoided her look with ease. The sun colored everything around them and birds played their happy songs while they were whirling through the air. He wished he could just fly away with them.

Instead, he remembered what he only called the smoothie disaster. “Well, we were studying at Jam&Roller, and Gastón was bored so he said I wouldn’t drink the weirdest smoothie Pedro could make and – don’t look at me like that! How could I let him say I wouldn’t do this? – anyway, it was so disgusting, like I had no idea a smoothie could be so bad. End of the story, I spit it out, which was against the rules and I lost. So, yeah, this means I have to wear this.”

A little afraid of her reaction (he’d never admit it, though), he turned towards his girlfriend. Figured, her face spoke volumes. “Why doesn’t this surprise me?” Luna turned her head towards him, checking him out.  “And it’s not ugly.” Pulling up his eyebrows in bewilderment, he asked: “It’s not?”

A smile slipped on her lips. “No. Ugly is too much of an understatement. It’s a freaking nightmare.”

It wasn’t like he agreed. Still, he couldn’t help himself. “Admit it, you secretly like it. Even if it’s just a tiny little bit.” A snort followed, accompanied by: “Sorry, chico fresa, but the only thing I have to admit is that I was wrong when I thought there wasn’t a thing you didn’t look good in.”

He pulled her closer, hands on her waist, and grinned down at her. “Aww, you think I look good?”

However, she freed herself. “Are you not listening? You look like… a character from a telenovela with cheesy romance and too much drama who doesn’t know how to properly dress. I want to burn this shirt. Or take it off, at least.”

A mischievous spark appeared in his eyes, causing Luna’s knees to tremble a bit. This look never meant anything good and it was never easy on her heart. Luckily, he didn’t notice.

“You know, you actually made me realize something. Gastón said you’d have to see me wearing this. He never explicitly said I’m not allowed to take it off. Neither are you.”

Now Luna smiled too, already grabbing his hand. For once, she knew exactly what to do. “Then let’s go. What are you waiting for?”

The way to his home turned into infinity. At every stop light, another look from her poured gasoline over him and lit him on fire. She got him under control, just by gently circling his hand with her thumb. By leaning closer and kissing his cheek, just where she always said his skin was the softest. Or by teasingly tousling his hair and stealing another brief kiss afterwards. Not only was he about to “magically get freed of his nightmare” (as he would tell his best friend later), but the determination shimmering through her expressions made him excited to see if she’d go through with it. Matteo was hopelessly, irreversibly lost.

When they reached his room, finally, Luna slammed the door shut. Once more, he was glad his parents were home so rarely. “We can do this the nice way”, she announced, hands already on his collar, “Or I’m just going to shred this apart.”

With a smirk, he stopped her hands from fidgeting with the seam. “As much as I appreciate your enthusiasm, Gastón wanted to keep this, so… do you want to explain to him how the shirt mysteriously disappeared?”

“Ugh, I can’t believe this guy.” She rolled her eyes before pulling Matteo down, fiercely pressing her lips on his. It took his breath away, but he gave in, because it was okay, it was Luna after all. He’d always be safe with her. They broke apart, both with a smile on their face.

“I’m starting to think this shirt awoke your inner tiger, solare, not mine”, he whispered into her ear. She told him: “I don��t have one”, however the way she kissed him once more proved him right.

With her fingers shaking, she found it hard to open the buttons. It took long to open only the first – too long. Eventually, Matteo helped. Once the shirt fell to the ground and she more or less accidently stepped on it a couple of times, Luna needed to take a breath. With so much naked skin to look at, she fought the impulse to touch every inch of this new-found map. Would it feel as soft as it looked? The courage which flooded her veins before flew out of the window, so she plainly stared.

“Luna.” Their eyes locked. His got the mischievous spark again. “So, the shirt is off.”

“Yes. Yes, it is. And you look so much better without it.” He stepped closer, wrapping his arms around her so she could feel the heat his skin radiated. So warm. The sensation of him this close turned into electricity pulsing through her whole body. “So, what do you wanna do now?”, he asked, already leaning in. She followed the lead, bringing their heads together until she felt him only centimeters away. “Don’t you know?”, she murmured, waiting for him to come even closer.

Then, when he was right where she wanted, she ducked. Grabbing the shirt, she ran towards the drawer where he usually kept candles and a lighter. When she turned around, disappointment was written all over his face. It was too much for Luna – she burst into laughter. “Why… what are you even trying to do?”, Matteo asked, still looking confused. “What do you think I’m doing? I want to set this on fire and see how it slowly turns into nothingness and I’ll never have to look at it again. Oh, and Gastón can get the ashes so that you technically gave the shirt back.”

To be honest, Luna expected her boyfriend to at least try to stop her. Instead, he shrugged. “Well, but you can’t do that here.” With that, he pulled her along into the garden.

“Luna, wait”, Matteo interrupted her while she got the gasoline. “There’s one last thing I want to do.” Walking up to the fire pit, he cleared his throat. “My dearest leo print…”

“Matteo, what are you doing?”

“An eulogy, what does this look like? So, you either join me, or let me do this alone and be silent.” She laughed, only stopping when he raised an eyebrow. “Okay, okay, continue.”

“My dearest leo print, I still remember our first – and only meeting – as if it happened this morning. You weren’t just a shirt, you were special. You redefined beauty, in your own, very unique style. Since I met you, my life hasn’t been the same, and I know this is true for my girlfriend too. You weren’t loved widely, but deeply, which is all what matters anyway. You have been with me through up and downs. You were my companion in the most difficult and tempting moments of my life and I will carry the memories of you in my heart until I die. Farewell, leo print, the first shirt to ever be ripped from my body. We will remember you.”

If this wasn’t a shirt which existence he had cursed for the whole day, Luna would cry because of how beautiful his eulogy was. But since it in fact was about a leo print shirt the tears in her eyes came from pure laughter. Her stomach hurt, which wasn’t enough to keep her from giggling. “You are unbelievable”, she managed to bring out.

Matteo wasn’t impressed. At all. “So, do you want to burn this now or not?” Still shaking, Luna started to pour gasoline over the shirt. “Just so you know, Gastón will be so mad at you”, her boyfriend commented. “Oh, come on, why would he? It’s just a shirt. He can easily buy it again.”

“Yeah, right, just a shirt, that’s why you’re doing this right now. And he will be mad at you in particular, because I will blame you. He can never know I’m the one filming it.”

“No, Matteo, you will take responsibility for your actions! I won’t lie to him and neither will you. He’s your best friend!” For a second, she scared him, looking all angry while fidgeting with the lighter. “And this is exactly why I shouldn’t betray him like that. Also, I never asked you to lie. Just… don’t tell him?” Letting out a disappointed sigh, she agreed – but only because this was already taking too long and she wanted this shirt to finally be gone.

The moment the flames started feasting on the fabrics, Luna let out a deep breath. Now there was no way her eyes had to suffer again. She liked Matteo in these kinds of shirt, just not with this horrible pattern.

“What an ugly nightmare”, said boy pointed out with a huge grin on his face. “Show some respect for the dead, you’re already not wearing a shirt.” She wanted to give him a look of disapproval, however, Matteo pulled her so close she felt the heat of his skin. Remembering what they were talking about got a lot harder then. “How am I not respectful? I gave an eulogy, remember? And I didn’t want to make it jealous.”

Luna snorted. “As if…”

“Okay, I surrender”, he laughed, wrapping his free arm around her while he continued filming. “Feeling how your heart beats faster is a nice bonus too.” “You’re such a chico fresa”, she mumbled, hugging him back nonetheless.

Luna handed the ashes – together with the recording – over to Gastón the next day. At first, he didn’t suspect anything, looking honestly surprised and happy about her gift. His smile turned into an expression of shock, however, as he played the video and looked back and forth between Luna’s phone screen and the small box of ashes. “Do you like it?”, she asked with a grin that felt only a little bit fake.

To say the least, Gastón wasn’t happy. At all. In fact, he refused to talk to Luna for a whole week after that. He even went so far to not make any puns about her name. Zero puns. As if she had vanished into nothingness. It was the best week of Matteo’s life – by pure chance, of course, because Gastón never figured out Matteo wasn’t innocent either. 

But Luna hated fighting with her friends. While her boyfriend seemingly enjoyed this situation, she desperately tried to come up with the perfect apology.

Indeed, forgiveness was granted when she surprised him one more time – this time with a print of The Nightmare (as Matteo referred to it from then on) big enough to cover half of Gastón’s room. Of course, he put it on his wall the very same day.

[rolandfontana]

Why The Presidential Candidates Do NOT Need “China Experts”

Yesterday, Dr. Josh Dorfman published the following post on Linkedin:

Dear presidential candidates: You cannot ignore China! Do you disagree with our current strategy? All of it? Are you sure? You need to be sure. Because I haven’t heard much about it from any of you. It’s sort of like you don’t understand how much the US-China relationship will shape the coming decades. Seriously. A lot. Please, please hire China advisers that value evidence over ideology. Yes, like me. And many much better than me, like Shaun Rein, Jessica Beinecke, Kaiser Kuo, Eric Olander, Bill Bishop, Dan Harris, Samm Sacks, John Pabon, Benjamin Shobert, Paul Triolo, Damien Ma. And I’d be happy to recommend many others. You can’t afford to get China wrong. Seriously. Let us help you. Our proud nation will be forever grateful. Kindest regards, An honest-to-goodness American.

This is followed by a bunch of comments, some of may or may not be tongue-in-cheek. As a lawyer, I am not so good at distinguishing — not kidding.

My first thought upon seeing Dr. Dorfman’s post was to leave a comment asking him to remove me from the list because I am not even remotely qualified to serve in the position for which he nominated me. But I didn’t do that because I worried that without a full explanation as to why I am not qualified, my comment would be viewed as false modesty and I hate that sort of thing. So I have remained silent until now. But this being my blog I can go into great detail why my name truly does not belong on this list and then I can very briefly discuss some of the other names on this list and why I find Dr. Dorfman’s post at least somewhat troubling.

Let me begin by apologizing in advance if I burst any bubbles with this post, but let me start by bursting my own bubble by explaining why I am so wrong for this job.

I grew up in a middle class and integrated neighborhood in Kalamazoo, Michigan. Derek Jeter went to my public high school (after me) and President Obama chose my high school in 2010 for his one high school commencement address. I never understood why Black people should be treated differently than White people and I as a kid I was obsessed with the U.S. civil rights movement and I would read book after book about the lawyers fighting for racial justice. Even then and even more so now, good laws and good law enforcement are integral to a just society and this means I have trouble with countries where rule of law is unimportant. 

In college I majored in French and Political Science, with an emphasize on international legal side of that. My international studies mostly focused on the Middle East. In my junior year, I decided economics was my true love but I was too late to major in it and I fell one (elective) class short of what I needed for the major. I went straight to law school where my favorite class was Antitrust Law because it was so infused with economics. I started my career with Chicago mega-firm, where I practiced antitrust law for 3+ years. Then when antitrust law cases started disappearing for political/policy reasons, I shifted from big-case antitrust cases in Chicago to big-case environmental matters in Seattle. It’s a long story how I transitioned from that into international law but I did and here I am.

But what is the “here” part? There is nothing in the above that makes me qualified to provide presidential level expertise. Do I know international politics better than the average American? Yes. Am I an expert in it? No. Ditto for economics, China politics and foreign policy. What is my expertise right now? What do I know so well that I could do a good job speaking extemporaneously about it for hours? Basketball, food, telenovelas, the practice of law, and how businesses can best navigate the legal issues they face when operating internationally. As a lawyer, I am well trained in how to answer questions when I don’t really know the answer all that well, but if you are going to look to me to talk much about anything but the above, you will likely be disappointed.

And I have always been upfront about this. When I was asked to testify before Congress regarding China in 2015, I made clear before doing so that my perspective would be as someone who deals with China every day on behalf of clients, not as a China expert. Earlier this week, before accepting a panel position at the US-China Business Council’s Annual Meeting I insisted on a telephone call where I could make sure they knew that my perspective would be based predominantly on what I had see happen to my law firm’s clients, not on decades of scholarly study. Even this blog’s mission statement makes this clear:

We discuss the practical aspects of Chinese law and how it impacts business there. We tell you what works and what does not and what you as a businessperson can do to use the law to your advantage. Our aim is to assist businesses already in China or planning to go into China, not to break new ground in legal theory or policy.

We want to engage in conversations with, for and about the person who wants practical information on starting and growing a business in or involved with China.

We tell you more than just that the law is this and this is what needs to be done to comply. We discuss how the Chinese laws as written may say one thing, but our experience on the ground in China dictates something else. We tell you when you need to do more than just follow the law to succeed, and we set out exactly what that something else is. We also will sometimes regale you with stories about the Chinese lawyers with whom we work, the foreign and Chinese businesspeople with whom we deal, and even the places we go. There will be times where our lawyer ethical rules prohibit us from naming names, but we will always work to tell the full story and when we cannot, we will usually make that clear and explain why that is the case.

So yeah, I do know China laws for foreign businesses, but not a whole lot else. Nothing in my experience or education qualifies me to be giving high level China policy advice to a presidential candidate. I would even argue that my distaste for those who do not respect the rule of law makes me even more questionable for this sort of position. Why not list one of the many excellent Chinese law professors whose knowledge China law knowledge is far broader than mine?

And just a quick aside on a point that may or may not be relevant to Dr. Dorfman’s post (but it seems relevant to me), but the Trump administration is using experts to deal with China. The lead trade US trade negotiator against China is Robert Lighthizer, who is widely considered to be one of the best trade lawyers in the country. I mention this because I find myself constantly refuting the idea that the Trump administration has no clue what it is doing in the US-China trade negotiations. You can disagree with US trade policy with China and I won’t fight you on that. You can say President Trump has no clue on most things and I won’t fight you on that either. But the team negotiating trade terms with China are as qualified as you can get.

Back to Dr. Dorfman’s post. Is it clear none of the presidential candidates have a China advisor or have a presidential advisor who is simply unqualified? I have no idea one way or the other, but I can tell you that if I were running for President, I would not be spending my limited funds on a China advisor. Yes, of course China is important. We all get that. But is it important for a presidential run? Is the voting public clamoring for more information on China? No. Is the voting public clamoring for a change in the United States’ China policies? No. Per the most recent Gallup poll, China shows up as the United States’ #2 greatest enemy, second only to Russia. Most of my law firm’s clients that do business with China believe China does treats foreign businesses unfairly. Those running for President did not get to where they are by not understanding which way the wind is blowing and they no doubt all know that it is blowing against China right now and they are going to either ride that breeze or just ignore it, at least until they are elected.

Not only am I not qualified to serve as a China expert for presidential candidates, others on the list appear equally unqualified. Some are businesspeople whose China expertise appears to start and stop with how to make a widget in China or sell one there. For all I know they are foreign policy experts but nothing in their past indicates this. Even worse, I think at least one of the people listed is not U.S. citizen and has extreme anti US views. Someone like this is far more likely to harm a presidential candidate than help.

There are though some people on the list I know who are truly qualified to provide China policy advice and I would be remiss if I didn’t explicitly call out my good friend Ben Shobert as fitting into this category. Ben not only knows China he studies China and thinks about China and he discusses China all the time with others who know and think about China and he also thinks about and is actively involved in local and national and international politics. Ben has even written a very thoughtful book about China. Ben’s China expertise goes well beyond asking how to increase widget sales or how to protect a foreign company’s intellectual property from China; it involves the sort of big picture issues from which a President would benefit. And though I do not know Dr. Dorfman, his credentials and his background lead me to believe he himself rightly belongs on that list even though many of us others on there do not.

Perhaps most importantly, what does it mean to value evidence over ideology when it comes to China anyway? Is Dr. Dorfman saying the evidence on China is disputed, because I don’t think it is. Who seriously disputes that China steals IP and discriminates against foreign companies? Who seriously disputes that China bullies its neighbors? The evidence on these things . rises to what we lawyers call a summary judgment level, meaning it is so clear no trial on it is necessary.

Is China an enemy of the United States or not? How should the United States deal with China in the short and long term? These sorts of questions cannot be answered with evidence as they are inherently and necessarily infused with opinion and policy. Is Dr. Dorfman saying all decisions about China can and should be made based on evidence? I am not a foreign policy expert but that does not make sense to me. U.S. foreign policy with other countries is based on things like what is important to our interests and how should we act so as to maximize our interests, not on something like evidence. Does Dr. Dorfman believe the “China experts” on his list are ideology-free, because I am not and I doubt any of the others are either As for me, with every year I deal with China my negativity towards China increases and this is based both on the repetition of the conduct I see (i.e. cold hard evidence) and on things changing for the worst in China pretty much every year for at least the last five years. I do not get the sense this is the sort of evidence Dr. Dorfman wants from his “China experts.” Is it?

I truly don’t get it.

I am going to link this post to Dr. Dorfman’s post to give him and everyone else on there a free and fair opportunity to respond either here or there.

  Why The Presidential Candidates Do NOT Need “China Experts” syndicated from https://immigrationattorneyto.wordpress.com/