#oh I am going to make even a single person read this book series if it gets be banned for spam

[sandinthepipes]

The next time ao3 is down read Shadow of the Templar

[lucky-clover-gazette]

kings rising highlights & annotations

chapter 2

(easily the most chaotic commentary i've done so far)

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

CHAPTER TWO

okay so this is the first of two laurent pov chapters we ever get, and it’s an intense torture/interrogation scene. this works SO well with the “laurent is in a different genre” bit. like the reader is not only getting his perspective, but the entire vibe just shifts. damen is a passing thought. this is a psychological thriller now, full stop, for this chapter. for the first time in the series, a first-time reader gets an idea that laurent is living a totally different flavor of reality than they’ve been reading. it’s genius to put this here and now, right before the reveal, as we’re scrambling to put everything together and hurting emotionally on damen’s behalf. like, fuck the emotions and romance, we’re doing a gritty torture scene. because that’s just how it is for laurent on this bitch of an earth, as a result of his own ridiculous choices and in general

Laurent woke slowly, in dim light, to the sensation of restriction, his hands tied behind his back. Throbbing at the base of his skull let him know he had been hit over the head. Something was also inconveniently and intrusively wrong with his shoulder. It was dislocated.

oh you know i’m annotating every little detail of this man’s internal narrative. for two scenes i get to be inside laurent’s brain and i am taking every opportunity to document things about his way of thinking that are outside of damen's perception. this is cs pacat allowing me to learn things about the way laurent's mind works, that can re-contextualize the entire rest of the series. i am calling these details, which i would not be able to ascertain if not for a single chapter being from laurent's pov, “cool laurent facts.”

cool laurent fact #1: laurent orients himself in a new situation first and foremost based on the current state of his own person—physical, mental, emotional—and his surroundings. from that, he uses inductive reasoning to understand what is going on.

inductive reasoning is a method of thought that typically goes from specific and limited observation to general conclusion. from what we know of laurent, the idea of him using inductive reasoning on a regular basis makes a lot of sense. laurent might be "mr. probably" who does random insane shit, but the truth is that laurent thinks through almost all of his random insane shit before he does it. the exceptions to this are almost always narratively significant, and they happen when laurent's emotions overwhelm his ability to reason things through at all.

so, like, in this quote: "throbbing at the base of his skull let him know he had been hit over the head." the observation is the physical pain, specifically at the base of his skull. the conclusion is that he was hit in the head. it's a reasonable general conclusion, even if it could potentially be correct.

then we have "something was also inconveniently and intrusively wrong with his shoulder. it was dislocated." observation: shoulder is not working as intended, and in fact is so dysfunctional that it's intrusive. conclusion: it's dislocated.

the entire time, as laurent is thinking these things, he isn't actually DOING anything. and this, i think, is what tends to drive damen (and the attentive reader) insane, because with the exception of these alternate pov chapters, we don't actually get to live in laurent's head. while we know that laurent is thinking things through almost all of the time, our confusion comes with the fact that we can't even begin to guess WHAT laurent is thinking. and since laurent thinks before he acts, we are usually forced to reverse-engineer how the fuck he got to the conclusion AFTER the resulting action has actually been taken. and that is exactly why my annotations about laurent are the way they are in the first place.

so what happens when laurent gets it wrong? because laurent's observations are ultimately limited, and he prefers to come to a conclusion before acting, any flawed conclusions he makes can lead to immense miscalculations. to someone like damen, these miscalculations are both frustrating and avoidable, because damen is much more likely to use deductive reasoning instead.

deductive reasoning uses pre-existing general premises to come to specific conclusions. we see it a lot in damen's pov, in which the things he "knows" about the world are what often inform the action he takes. these aren't personal and specific ideas, but extant generalized theories and conclusions, which are then either proven correct or incorrect once tested. in general, this means that damen tends to act first and think second—the opposite of laurent. it's pretty obvious how this can be to damen's detriment, especially since we read the series almost entirely in his pov. a good overarching example of his deductive reasoning is the way his perspective on akielion slavery shifts throughout the series. he starts out in book 1 believing that there is honor in submission, slavery is a pact, slaves are consenting, and all slave owners uphold standards of "decency" just as he himself does. but then as damen interacts more with the world of slaves and pets, and is made a slave himself, he realizes that those conclusions were incorrect. then he assumes a new conclusion—slavery is an irredeemable institution—and acts based on that instead.

the strength of damen's deductive reasoning, compared to laurent's inductive reasoning, is the adaptability it allows. damen gets shit done when it needs to be done. he might get it done in a way that's messy or artless, lacking all of the pertinent details to do it perfectly, but his ability to apply a theory to a situation and then play it out is a great counterpoint to laurent's general approach, in which things are overthought so thoroughly that action is not taken in a timely or responsive manner. like, we literally see that in the wall grate scene in prince's gambit, which is then referenced again while they're discussing war strategy.

of course, this isn't to say that laurent's inductive reasoning isn't also adaptable. he can adapt to a situation by thinking really hard about it, drawing a conclusion, and then making his move. it's just distinctively different to read that kind of internal process from him as a pov character, compared to damen's typical way of thinking. it's part of this genre shift, i think, because it's so stressful and meticulous. this is thriller/crime/mystery genre thinking, not romance novel or war/action novel thinking. we have gone from a pov character who is like 70% impulse-driven, to a character who in his right mind wouldn't even consider following an impulse unless it was thoroughly thought through, at which point it would fail to be an impulse at all. damen is built to be a romantic lead and action hero. i can't really think of literary examples because i don't read a lot of romance and action books, but idk, disney's hercules or adora from she-ra come to mind. meanwhile laurent is built to be in a gillian flynn or [insert more niche thriller authors i enjoy] novel.

all that is to say, this isn't damen's mind anymore, and we know it from the first few sentences of the chapter. if this chapter was being experienced by damen instead, i think the opening would go something like this: "damen woke to the sensation of restriction and immediately fought against his restraints. he was not able to free himself. he also realized, in his attempt and failure to free himself, that his shoulder was dislocated."

it seems like a minor difference, and maybe it is. but i find it fun to contrast the narrative perspectives of these two fascinating characters, and i like making my own observations and conclusions. i started my annotations back in books 1 and 2 with mostly inductive reasoning, making theories from my observations, but farther into book 2 and definitely in book 3 i can now use deductive reasoning to draw conclusions about characters and events using pre-existing theories. if i'm wrong, i adjust the theory, and that adjusted theory becomes the basis through which i interpret future events. and so on. the two types of thought work beautifully together, and ideally we should all be able to use both. that's part of why damen and laurent are able to help each other grow so much as people and leaders—they're balancing each other out by mutual exposure to opposing ways of thinking.

also, another little note on this specific passage: i love laurent's snarky dismissive attitude towards his own pain, and the hint of dissociation from his physical form. i would guess that laurent thinks in a similar way about pleasurable physical sensations, too: "something was inconveniently and distractingly happening with his body. he was aroused." fuckin weirdo <3

As his lashes fluttered and his body stirred, he became hazily aware of a stale odour, and a chilled temperature that suggested that he was underground. His intellect made increasing sense of this: there had been an ambush, he was underground, and since his body didn’t feel as if it had been transported for days, that meant— He opened his eyes and met the flat-nosed stare of Govart.

i love when i predict/analyze something in detail and then it’s immediately proven correct by the following lines. laurent going on this whole inductive mind journey before realizing that govart is LITERALLY IN HIS FACE is sooooo laurent, and so NOT damen. like forget what i said before, if this was damen's pov, the chapter would simply start with "govart stared at damen."

again, this is a great way to immediately let the reader know that things are going to be different from this pov. yes yes yes yes

Panic spiked his pulse, an involuntary reaction, his blood beating against the inside of his skin like it was trapped. Very carefully, he made himself do nothing.

yeah i have a feeling the sex scenes from laurent’s pov would read a lot like this too

The cell itself was about twelve feet square, and had an entrance of bars but no windows. Beyond the door there was a flickering stone passageway. The flickering came from a torch on that side of the bars, not from the fact that he had been hit over the head. There was nothing inside the cell except the chair he was tied to.

he’s just like me fr, both in real life and how i figure things out while writing/playing d&d (“what are the environmental features, and what do they imply?” “what items can be used, and how?” etc.)

He was hit by the memory of what had happened to his men, and put that, with effort, out of his mind.

cool laurent fact #2: it takes effort for him to put aside his concern for the well-being of people he cares about. this is not what most people would assume, based on how he acts and speaks

He understood that he faced his death, before which would come a long, painful interval.

observation: he’s in a prison cell with govart specifically conclusion: he’s going to be killed, but also tortured for a whiiiiile first because govart hates him so bad

maybe that's redundant, but i just appreciate how his pov really is written like an analysis within itself. it's great. he's an observer of his own story, as well as a participant. damen doesn't usually think from such a detached angle

A ludicrous boyish hope flared that someone would come to help him, and, carefully, he extinguished it.

cool laurent fact #3: sometimes, he hopes. it takes effort for him to extinguish hope within himself (“carefully”), but he believes that doing so is necessary in order to assess circumstances like a rational adult. but still, he does hope.

in just this one sentence, we are told so much. we now know that laurent believes that hope is inherently irrational and childish, which absolutely tracks with the other things we know about his character. we can see it in his choices throughout the series so far, and we can understand exactly why he believes this based on his backstory.

Since the age of thirteen, there had been no rescuer, for his brother was dead.

as i was saying, about laurent's backstory,

also. damen exists. he literally threw a sword at a guy trying to kill you in the last book. laurent you are so smart and you are so stupid and i can’t imagine your pov being written any other way

He wondered if it was going to be possible to salvage some dignity in this situation, and cancelled that thought as soon as it came. This was not going to be dignified.

in almost every instance where someone has been given the opportunity to assault or objectify laurent in a sexual context, they’ve taken it. damen is basically the only living exception.

deduction: laurent cannot get out of this situation without being assaulted, so there's no point in trying to salvage his dignity

BUT like, unless i am completely missing something entirely between the lines, govart doesn't even attempt to sexually assault laurent in this scene. maybe that's not what laurent means here, in terms of dignity? curious what people think about this. because like on first read especially, my immediate thought when this scene started was "oh fuck am i going to have to sit through a scene of laurent being sexually assaulted", since everyone (including govart) talks so much about wanting a piece of him. so i guess it's like, was laurent thinking about that here, or was it just me? curious what others think too

also "cancelled that thought" is just slightly anachronistic, and PERFECT. love it.

He thought that if things got very bad, it was within his capabilities to precipitate the end. Govart would not be difficult to provoke into lethal violence. At all.

“if i’m going to die, i’d rather be in control of the dying. and i know i could totally piss this dude off into killing me before he means to do so, and then i would technically win. ha-ha.”

i love the slight hint of childish antagonism here, with the “at all.” like laurent needs to take the moment to roast govart in his own head, while considering the logistics of his own imminent death. it is so funny to me that we finally get this scene, where laurent gets to be in the genre he's been living for the past two books, but no one actually relevant to the story gets to witness it for themselves. laurent is moonlighting in this scene as a character in a book that isn't this book at all. he's taking a break from the romance and realism-based war strategy shit to be an out-of-his-depths thriller protagonist taking on antagonists that should absolutely be able to defeat him immediately, but somehow managing to survive by absurd unconventional means AND being snarky about it. damen has seen hints of this side of laurent, and paid attention, and so have we as the reader. but this is just… full-intensity. the narrative is allowing him to have it, and allowing us to see him have it. it’s like we’ve been only watching the a-plots of phineas and ferb episodes the whole time, and assumed that perry is probably doing some cool stuff in the b-plot, and gotten a few glimpses via dramatic irony… but now we actually get to see the perry b-plot, and it's fucking awesome. but the a-plot cast will still never know.

The chair, made of heavy oak, appeared to have been dragged in for his benefit, which was civilised or sinister, depending on how one looked at it.

yeah this is the internal monologue of a person who grew up reading books more than talking to people. just being witty in the prose of his own brain for funsies

He thought that Auguste would not be afraid, being alone and vulnerable to a man who planned to kill him; it should not trouble his younger brother.

of course there’s the damen of it all, but i also like how this sentence suggests just how often laurent really does think about auguste. looking back at past scenes and imagining laurent having auguste constantly on the mind really adds a new dimension of tragedy to his existence, and further depth to his initially hateful and eventually conflicting feelings for damen. we could have assumed this without seeing laurent's pov, but it's nice to see hints in the text.

It was harder to let go of the battle, to leave his plans at their midway point, to accept that the deadline had come and gone, and that whatever now happened on the border, he would not be a part of it.

yeah forget about my entire breakdown last chapter bc i didn’t want to assume laurent meant to be there and end up disappointed. he meant to be there. good job laurent

The Akielon slave would (of course) assume treachery on the part of the Veretian forces, after which he would launch some sort of noble and suicidal attack at Charcy that he would probably win, against ridiculous odds.

1) laurent refusing to use damen’s name in HIS OWN HEAD is so fucking funny

2) “(of course)” cool laurent fact #3: he thinks everyone is probably going to assume the worst of him the majority of the time, including damen. cool laurent fact #4: he thinks in parentheticals, which makes sense

3) i like how in the same sentence where laurent is trying to distance himself from damen with the name thing, he also admits that 1) he knows damen is a good and noble enough person to fight, and 2) he (laurent) knows that damen is going to win, and is therefore not overly concerned. which means he would be concerned if he thought damen couldn’t win. probably for the best tbh laurent has a lot on his plate already

4) talk about ridiculous odds, laurent, you literally kill someone with a chair in this chapter

One on one: he must think about what he could practically achieve.

me trying to do The Tasks with adhd

Fighting free of his bonds at this moment would accomplish, precisely, nothing. He told himself that: once; then again, to quell a deep, basic urge to struggle.

i like how this is put. i can imagine laurent talking to himself in his head throughout a lot of the series. he separates his base human urges from his rational mind and then uses the latter to placate the former. as long as he can manage to keep reason in control of emotion, this is effective. but when he can’t manage it… lol

also “accomplish, precisely, nothing” is great. he didn’t need to throw the “precisely” in there, it probably just made him feel wittier. even inside his own head to an audience of himself (that he knows of), laurent has to quip

‘We’re alone,’ Govart said. ‘Just you and me. Look around. Take a good look. There’s no way out. Not even I have a key. They come to open the cell when I’m done with you. What do you have to say to that?’ ‘How’s your shoulder?’ said Laurent.

i don’t want to be redundant, but i really am just delighted by this genre dissonance. i’m trying to read more of the romance genre, that's what brought me to capri, but THIS is the shit i'm used to.

The blow rocked him back. When he lifted his head, he enjoyed the look he had provoked on Govart’s face, as he had enjoyed, for the same reason—if a bit masochistically—the blow.

cool laurent fact #5: if the bit is good enough he’ll take the subsequent pain. hell, he’ll even enjoy it

god i want to read a thriller novel with laurent as the protagonist SO BAD. i think if pacat ever writes capri again she should do that, and have damen like. kidnapped. it’s not indulgent romance fluff like summer palace, it’s laurent doing badass chaotic hero shit trying to find his fucking wife

He forced himself to keep his voice steady.

i wonder how many times he thought this throughout the series. probably many

‘I think you have one piece of leverage over a very powerful man. I think whatever it is you have on him, it’s not going to last forever.’

context, as i recall: govart knows that the regent had his brother killed, i think? and he has the evidence to substantiate that claim if it was ever made. laurent pieces this together with guion, somehow, offscreen at the end of this chapter. or maybe he finds out later from loyse? but i feel like laurent is more proactive than that

‘Want me to tell you why you’re here? Because I asked him for you. He gives me what I want. He gives me whatever I want. Even his untouchable nephew.’

again, i'm kinda shocked that govart doesn’t actually try to do anything sexual with laurent here. i mean i'm glad that he doesn't, but also this quote makes it sound like that’s why govart asked in the first place. maybe it was just for violent revenge though, and humiliation?

also, like, how exactly did laurent get here? sounds like his forces were expected and overpowered at the fort, right? and he just kinda… got handed off to govart, under the regent’s blessing and guion’s supervision?

'At some point one of us will dispatch the other.’ He made himself speak without undue emotion, just a mild remark on the facts.

probably not surviving this, nbd (but still actively putting effort into regulating his emotions so he can survive)

digging into this more: i personally have this thing where my response to seemingly insurmountable odds, especially emotional ones, tends to be “once i’ve survived this, how will i explain how i did it?”

this whole approach is demonstrated really well in the masterpiece of a doctor who episode “heaven sent." it's first and foremost a meditation on persistence and grief, which are two themes very relevant to laurent's overall story. laurent’s approach to withstanding torture in this chapter, as well as his manner of survival after auguste's death, remind me a lot of "heaven sent" and my own personal methodology. fuck it, here are some laurent-coded "heaven sent" quotes, as a treat:

"The first rule of being interrogated is that you are the only irreplaceable person in the torture chamber. The room is yours, so work it. If they're going to threaten you with death, show them who's boss. Die faster."

"Rule one of dying: don’t. Rule two: slow down. You’ve got the rest of your life. The faster you think, the slower it will pass. Concentrate. Assume you’re going to survive. Always assume that. Imagine you’ve already survived. There’s a storeroom in your mind. Lock the door and think. This is my storeroom. I always imagine that I’m [here]… showing off. Telling you how I escaped—making you laugh. That’s what I’m doing right now. I am falling. I’m dying. And I’m going to explain to you how I survived. Can’t wait to hear what I say."

"I'm going to get out of here and find whoever put me here in the first place. And whatever they're trying to do, I'm going to stop it. Which might take a little while, so do you want me to tell you a story? The Brothers Grimm… according to them, there was this emperor, and he asks this shepherd's boy, ‘How many seconds in eternity?’ And the shepherd's boy says, "There's this mountain of pure diamond. It takes an hour to climb it, and an hour to go around it. Every hundred years, a little bird comes and sharpens its beak on the diamond mountain. And when the entire mountain is chiseled away, the first second of eternity will have passed!’ You must think that's a hell of a long time… personally, I think that's a hell of a bird."

it's the small victories, right? laurent can't exactly conceive of an eternity of grief like the endlessly-regenerating doctor, but those seven long years without auguste in vere must have felt like a torture chamber of their own. and, of course, there's this actual torture chamber, which laurent escapes thanks to his insane reckless persistence. what i mean to say is, laurent of vere is a hell of a bird :) i'm glad we get to spend some time in his head.

'If you kill me, whatever it is that you have on him isn’t going to matter. It will just be you and him, and he’ll be free to disappear you into a dark cell too.’ Govart smiled, slowly. ‘He said you’d say that.’

girl that doesn’t make it untrue are you stupid (yes)

‘He said, “The only way to make sure my nephew doesn’t talk his way free is to cut his tongue out.”’ As he spoke, Govart pulled out a knife. The room around Laurent greyed; his whole attention narrowed, his thoughts attenuating.

yeah, this WOULD be the thing that scares him most. last time when he was gagged, it was technically part of his plan. this would be basically a death sentence, because laurent knows that his words are what keep him alive

‘Except that you want to hear it,’ said Laurent, because this was only beginning, and it was a long, winding, bloody road till the end. ‘You want to hear all of it. Every last broken syllable. It’s the one thing my uncle never understood about you.’ ‘Yeah? What’s that?’ ‘You always wanted to be on the other side of the door,’ said Laurent. ‘And now you are.’

“you are a messy bitch who lives for drama. and i AM the drama.”

basically, laurent buys himself more time 1) being alive and 2) keeping his tongue by essentially volunteering to have information tortured out of him. this is actually a pretty classic laurent move—remember all the way back in book 1 annotations, when i brought up this quote from sharp objects by gillian flynn?

"Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you’re really doing it to them… know what I mean? If someone wants to do fucked-up things to you, and you let them, you’re making them more fucked up. Then you have the control. As long as you don’t go crazy."

By the end of the first hour (though it felt longer), he was in quite a lot of pain, and was losing touch with how much, if at all, he was delaying or controlling what was happening.

you know for all of laurent’s comments about damen valuing honor and fair play and Doing The Right Thing, he really has no idea that damen would see this happening and immediately murder everyone involved in getting laurent into this situation

His tongue was intact, because the knife was in his shoulder. He had accounted that a victory, when it had happened. You had to take pleasure in small victories. The hilt of the knife protruded at an odd angle. It was in his right shoulder, already dislocated, so that breathing was now painful. Victories.

love this use of a previous laurent-ism. god he’s made for this kind of situation why is this man in a romance novel (i’m happy he’s in a romance novel if that’s not clear, he shouldn’t have to be in these situations even if it’s entertaining and compelling and badass. being loved is harder for laurent to process than being tortured and that means he’s in the right genre to truly challenge his character into growth and catharsis)

He had come this far, he had caused his uncle some small consternation, had checked him, once or twice, forced him to remake his plans. Had not made it easy.

these sound an awful lot like dying words. the fact that this is the consolation prize laurent gives himself upon imminent death—that he’s won against his uncle a few times—almost feels like a subversion of a heroic martyr. i’m not big on martyrdom, so i almost think it’s more satisfying for laurent to die telling himself he’s Won against someone who’s hurt him, than telling himself he’s dying to save people who love him and still want him around. admittedly he does have that kind of martyr moment later, when he hands himself over at the end of book 3, but... does he even fully mean to die then? i know he has loyse’s testimony in his back pocket. is his intention still to survive, even then, or is he just satisfied that loyse could potentially bring down the regent once he's gone? idk, it just doesn't feel quite right for laurent just to give up his life completely, even if that's how damen interprets it. even then, i think he'd still have the intention to somehow survive, or at least Win against his enemies. laurent isn’t dying for anyone’s sins—if he’s going to die, he’s taking the sinners down with him, and probably counts himself among them.

i'll make sure to revisit this when the time comes.

His only advantage was that he had managed to free his left hand from its bonds.

personal tangent but this reminds me of the time my level 1 sorcerer was arrested in dungeons and dragons and she shoved her hand up her sleeve and replaced it with a mage hand, so it looked like she was handcuffed for her trial but actually wasn’t. and then she used the real hand to flip off the council running the trial and escape. she and laurent would get along

Because it was impossible to hear anything, he reasoned—or had reasoned, when more detached—that whoever had put him in here with Govart would return with a wheelbarrow and sack to take him out, and that this would happen at a prearranged time, since there was no way for Govart to signal. He therefore had a single goal, like moving towards a retreating mirage: to reach that point alive.

not him waiting for his corpse uber… and someone pushing the wheelbarrow who he can turn against govart. i like how laurent seems to have already made this plan, but this is the first time we hear of it. even in his pov we aren’t getting every single thing in his head

Guion’s voice. ‘This is taking too long.’

BOOOO TOMATO TOMATO

His voice was a little hoarser than it had been starting out; his response to pain had been conventional.

“his response to pain had been conventional” god he is so fucking funny.

laurent, rolling his eyes as he swirls the glass of water he’s using to swallow the maximum safe dose of ibuprofen: “my physical human reaction to torture is just so… banal”

Laurent closed his eyes, wrapped his unsteady left hand around the hilt, and pulled the knife out of his shoulder.

i’m listening to an instrumental music playlist right now and an acoustic cover of lady gaga and ariana grande’s “rain on me” came on the second laurent ripped out the knife

The hilt of the knife was slippery.

love how this doesn’t say “with blood,” because it doesn’t have to. also i took a quick break from reading and now there is an instrumental cover of “death of a bachelor” by panic! at the disco playing, which is rather appropriate for this scene

As, with his ruined right arm, Laurent swung the chair. The heavy oak hit Govart in the ear, with the sound of a mallet striking a wooden ball. Govart staggered and went down.

LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Laurent focused all his remaining strength on the task of reaching the barred door and placing himself on the other side of it, dragging it closed behind him and turning the key that was still in the lock. Govart didn’t get up.

laurent, facing certain death and defeat, used the chair he had been tied to and tortured in to murder and imprison his two captors respectively. kind of a shame he doesn’t end up killing the regent with a bed for similar poetic justice (not really, i think the regent’s death is perfect)

In the stillness that followed, Laurent found his way from the bars, to the open corridor, to the opposite wall, which he slid down, finding at the midway point that there was a wooden bench, which took his weight. He had expected the floor.

i love this image so much—wait is this. it is. ladies and gentlemen and others, this is LAURENT LEAN #12!!!!

He did laugh then, a breathless sound, with the sweet, cool feel of the stone at his back. His head lolled.

snarky action hero laurent i love you so very much. sorry about the torture tho

‘Guion,’ said Laurent, without opening his eyes. ‘You had me tied up and locked in a room with Govart. Do you think name-calling will hurt my feelings?’

see previous comment

‘Let me out!’ The words ricocheted off the walls. ‘I tried that,’ said Laurent, calmly. Guion said, ‘I’ll give you anything you want.’ ‘I tried that too,’ said Laurent. ‘I don’t like to think of myself as predictable. But apparently I cycle through all the usual responses. Shall I tell you what you’re going to do when I stick the knife in for the first time?’

it took me a second to understand what’s being said here. i got briefly stuck on “i tried that,” but looking back on previous dialogue and the rest of what laurent says here, i think it’s something like this:

guion: let me out laurent: yeah i asked for that too when faced with imprisonment and torture guion: i’ll give you what you want laurent: i also tried that. damn if you’re saying all the same stuff i did, maybe i’m more of a basic bitch than i thought. well hey if we’re the same i can tell you how you’ll react when i torture you, just how i reacted when govart tortured me (i am threatening you)

‘You know, I wanted a weapon,’ said Laurent. ‘I wasn’t expecting one to walk into my cell.’

okay now he’s just congratulating himself. earned

‘You’re a dead man when you walk out of here. Your Akielon allies aren’t going to help you. You left them to die like rats in a trap at Charcy. They’ll hunt you down,’ said Guion, ‘and kill you.’ ‘Yes, I’m aware that I have missed my rendezvous,’ said Laurent.

every line he says is a banger. this is the verbal equivalent of wearing sunglasses and walking away from an explosion

‘There was a man I was supposed to meet. He’s got all these ideas about honour and fair play, and he tries to keep me from doing the wrong thing. But he’s not here right now. Unfortunately for you.’

THIS LINE FUCKS

and i love that this is how he regards damen. i love that he calls him a man, and not a slave. i love that it's "he TRIES to keep me from doing the wrong thing," because laurent would never give damen the satisfaction of completely taking control (except during sex, but we'll talk about that later). overall, i love how the entire phrasing is just the tiniest bit admiring and endeared, even though laurent is simultaneously insulting damen's integrity (a quality that we know DAMN WELL laurent admires deeply).

and hey!! cool laurent fact #6: he is totally aware of how down bad damen is, and the way damen has willingly taken the role of his (laurent’s) evil impulse control. and laurent doesn’t seem to particularly hate that, or even resist it, at this point in the series. this makes early to mid book 3 even funnier, in which laurent antagonizes damen and his friends (mostly nik) cartoonishly while KNOWING that damen honors him and feels guilty for lying, so therefore tolerates and even defends laurent's petty bullshit at his own and also nik's expense. just because damen cares about fair play, doesn't mean that his ideas about fairness are like… rational. or sane. and laurent knows that damen's thoughts upon his return and dramatic reveal are probably going to be along the lines of "i lied to laurent and also i murdered his brother, so it's technically not wrong for him to lash out."

i'm looking forward to the future of their dynamic, without those giant lies and power imbalances between them. i don't even mind the "angst" of laurent being a petty bitch in the next few chapters, because we know he's being a stubborn idiot and it can only last so long before he breaks, and he doesn't have power over damen to actually abuse. while laurent previously held socially-reinforced authority over damen, they're about to find themselves on even footing. therefore it IS fair play for them to be freaks to each other, and i think a part of laurent is looking forward to that too. like he'll probably figure out his shit with damen, maybe, eventually. he knows damen will try his best to make laurent do the right thing, and laurent will most likely let him win. but he is also going to be a dramatic bitch about it first. as long as he survives.

needless to say, guion does not stand a chance.

‘Isn’t there? I wonder how my uncle is going to react when he finds out that you killed Govart and helped me to escape.’ And then, in the same dreamy voice, ‘Do you think he’ll hurt your family?’ Guion’s hands were fists, like he still had them wrapped around bars. ‘I didn’t help you escape.’ ‘Didn’t you? I don’t know how these rumours get started.’

>:)

Laurent regarded him through the bars. He was aware of the return of his critical faculties, in place of which up to now had been the tenacious adherence to a single idea. ‘Here’s what has become painfully clear. My uncle instructed that if you captured me, you were to let Govart have me, which was a tactical blunder, but my uncle had his hands tied, thanks to his private arrangement with Govart. Or maybe he just liked the idea. You agreed to do his bidding. ‘Torturing the heir to death wasn’t an act you wanted attached to your own name, however. I’m not certain why. I can only surmise, despite a truly staggering array of evidence to the contrary, that there is still some rationality left on the Council. I was put in an empty set of cells, and you came with the key yourself, because no one else knows I’m here.’ Pressing his left hand to his shoulder, he pushed away from the wall and came forward. Guion, inside the cell, was breathing shallowly. ‘No one knows I’m here. Which means no one knows you’re here. No one’s going to look, no one’s going to come, no one’s going to find you.’ His voice was steady as he held Guion’s gaze through the bars. ‘No one’s going to help your family when my uncle comes, all smiles.’ He could see Guion’s pinched expression, the tightness in his jaw and around his eyes. He waited. It came in a different voice, with a different expression, flatly. ‘What do you want?’ said Guion.

1) the complex inductive reasoning is back! laurent is going to be just fine

2) laurent just unpacked guion’s plan exactly how i’ve been attempting to unpack laurent’s bullshit in my annotations for the past 2+ books. except mine are much more bewildered, and oftten inaccurate. but that's all a part of the fun. i appreciate the small victories of occasionally getting it right ;)

[stuffforme2]

Okay listen I lvoe the pjo books and series with all ym heart but.. everyone talks about them like they're perfect WHICH THEYRE NOT any problems are kinda brushed under the rug and I find thst kinda werid? Like you'll see other books and TV shows get dragged and canceled for the stuff in Riordan books and yet pjo doesn't?? So.. uhhHHHH yeah that's jsut something I noticed.

The weird relationshipd ynamics. Rick is like allergic to someone bring okay with being single or jsut aromantic like you can say Reyna but her having a crush kn Jason?? Yes she rejected Apollo but her relationship with Jason deterioted brcuz she had a 'crush' on the guy and that doesn't really amke sense to me (I can go into so much detail kn this)

AND LEO AND CALYPSO OMFG that is a toxic relationship. The age gap. The way calypso treats Leo. The fact Leo SHOULD NOT be with someone like this man hasn't dealt with his attachment and Abandonment issues like st all?!

The literal only black character in the pjo books being beckendorf.. then he dies. Then the Korean/Asian (I'm not sure sorry) character dies, Ethan. And like I understand Percy is hinted st being Hispanic (have seen many ppl talk about this dont mnow if it's common knowldhe) but it's never confirmed or added??? I know Rick fixes it later but it's still weird to me lmaoo

Rick unable to keep consistent personality. Woobigying Nico OH MY GOD NICO HE BECOMES GAY AND THSTS WHDT EVERYONE FUCKING FOCUSES ON AND HE SHOULD'VE NEVER GOTTEN WITH WILL ATLWAST NOT THAT QUICK it's not healthy. Their relationship was rushed and didn't make sense I felt like people only like ot becuz it's a gay relationship??

And oh mygods— Samirah. I am not Muslim and I am not an expert on the Nuslim religion but there is so much shitbthatbeas wrong in thst book that I even knew was incorrect and jsut weird to happen?! The AMOUNT OF TIMES HER HIJAB CAME OFF and I'm also like "yaayyyy representation" but it could've been as easy as one Google search. one.

Jason. Jason as a whole. He had the most potential out of ANYONE and personally I think he had more potential then Percy like his story is so INTERESTING and then.. Rick knocked him iut with a brick multiple times, didn't work kn his sotry or trauma at all, then KILLED HIM. Same with Ethan. I am so Vitter about these two.. HELL EVEN LEO AND FRANK.

Also the way he made Annabeth first quest (first quest SHE IS LEADING AND IS HER PROHECY) all about Percy. I was reading it and I was like "bitxh— this is Annabeth Quest?!" LIKE he it pissed me off that Annabeth was swept to rhe side as Percy's lvoe interest giving her knly enough personality and stary to make her jnteredting enough to eb loved but never delving jntk it into Mark kf Athena and even at Mark of Athena it all rounded back tk her and Percy's relationship LIKE JESUS CHRIST DO THESE MFERS PASS THE BELLDAN TEST?!

The low key incest at the beginning ricj writing that all the demigods had the same impish features at rhe start and then.. jsut.. CHSNGING IT?!

Not letting a virgin goddess who has no history of having children have.. children.. NOW you may be wondering 'but then how would we get Annabeth?'— JUST GiVE ATHENA HER FAVOURITE CHOSEN PPL LIKE SHE DID WITH ODYSSEUS let her stay childless. Jsut let her choose some children she'd like as hers wonce they're Bron and she then blesses them as her heroes, that's how she treats them any way and it also gets rid of the incest?!

Also the fact it's implied that Annabeth is only smart becuz she's a child of Athena.. Rick made a virgin goddess technically have children so he can have a smart women character and that's just.. EuGGHHhHHh JUST LET HER BE SMART IT NOT THAT HARD "Oh, no, I'm not smart because Athena chose me.. Athena chose me because I was already smart" Smacks you with common fucking sense.

Also Annabeth ALWAYS needing to eb saves and its always done by a man. OMFG AND GROVES GF DHE HAS NO PERSONALITY OUTSIDE OF BEING SOEM GUSY GF EVEN THOUGH HES GONE FOR MKNTHS AND BAREKY CONTAXTS HER?!

The whole apheodite cabin. The whole aphrodite cabin. The whole aphrodite cabin.

The fact it's clear Rick doesn't think girly girls cant be strong or into fighting or able to wield a fuckign weapon. The way he makes nearly every girly girl into a total mean bitch or ruins their characters.

[takaraphoenix]

So, I've found myself lately just going through all your Percy Jackson fics on AO3. Mostly because you're 100% my favorite PJO fic writer, and I've been wanting to reread some of your stuff, so why not also read the rest.

I am especially fond of your Hades/Persephone/ Percy works, and your writings gave me a thought:

Older Percy, who's trained his control over water to a fine point. And Persephone wanting to swim with Percy in the pool of their Underworld castle, because Percy and water always make for the best full-body massages. Because he can use the water to get to every. Single. Muscle. All at once.

Regardless, I mostly just wanted to say I ADORE your fics, and regularly find myself wanting to go back and reread a lot of them.

Even when my hyperfixations shift, and the fandoms I'm in change, Percy Jacksom as a book series has left a profound mark on me that I won't soon forget, and your stuff is just that perfect niche that I keep wanting more of.

You know that meme of the brain and the person trying to sleep?

That, but my brain keeps telling me "have we read the beloved Hades/Persephone/Percy fics again this month? Oh, we did? Can we do it again?"

Mostly I just wanted to gush about your stuff, because you're not just good. To me, as far as fanfic authors go, you're memorable, and absolutely incredible! ❤

Thank you for the flattery, that's too kind! This was such a sweet message to receive! ^-^

I also do feel you on the shift, my fixations have shifted away from PJO en large too, but I am absolutely not in a place of leaving it fully behind yet ;D

And good news! If I can manage, you will get at least one new Hadephonercy fic this month, on account of @polympians-event and @hadesxpercy-events happening! ;)

[agostron]

I Have Complicated Feelings on Warrior Cats and its Relation to Animal Xenofiction as a Whole

(A ramble-y rant-y essay presented by a Warrior Cats and xenofiction fan.)

I grew up with Warrior Cats. I began reading them when I was in the 3rd grade, around nine or ten. I was captivated by the animations I saw on YouTube. The series looked so, so interesting! In many ways, I'm glad I discovered Warriors. I'd go as far as saying that, without it, I would've never discovered my love for the xenofiction genre (or subgenre, or whatever else you may call it).

So why am I dissatisfied?

Let me bring up a comparison: dinosaurs are incredibly popular. They're modern day dragons and a pop culture mainstay. Now let me ask a question. How many big Hollywood dinosaur franchises are there? Only one - two if you're particular. Jurassic Park and its sequel, Jurassic World. No one else has gotten the same level of recognition.

How is this comparable? Like Jurassic Park, Warrior Cats has an absolute choke-hold on the genre it's in. Sure, I believe Watership Down and Bambi has greater cultural relevance, and Guardians of Ga'hoole has a movie by Zack Snyder. But it seems companies nonetheless have zero faith in xenofiction and will constantly reject original drafts, meanwhile Warriors will keep chugging along until a comet strikes the earth again. A monopoly on a genre is unhealthy for said genre. It means you have to put your sole faith in a single property. It eventually erodes patience and causes irritation whether they be creators or fans. I wouldn't be as concerned if there was plenty of competition for Warriors.

To start the second point, I don't have as much of an issue with the fandom side. There's a history behind Warrior Cats fans; namely that it was a case of luck and timing. Plus I don't think the fandom is uniquely terrible; the 1% fandom rule is at play. And like I mentioned in the very first sentence, I am a Warriors fan myself, and I wouldn't have learned about xenofiction had I not read it. I'm sure there's folks who can relate. However, there's a certain attitude some Warriors fans have toward xenofiction I dislike.

Xenofiction definitely has its hiccups, especially if it's older or famous. You are completely allowed to criticize them. Hell, you can refuse to read anything else in the genre because you don't want to, and I wouldn't bat an eye. What I cannot understand is acting as if Warriors is morally superior (or thinking you're morally superior for preferring Warriors) to other xenofiction. I guarantee the difference between Warrior Cats and typical xenofiction books is that you have nostalgia for Warriors, and that the series refuses to end. That's all. Don't make up "progressive" reasons as to why you won't pick up another book. Warrior Cats - as admitted by fans, mind you - has problems with racism, misogyny, ableism, etc. You could even claim that by sheer volume of content, Warrior Cats has the edge over almost every other animal xenofiction franchise in terms of bigotry, since there's a lot more to shuffle through. I don't believe anyone is a bad person for being a Warriors fan, but I expect to see the same courtesy extended to less popular xenofiction series.

Besides, let's be real. Is xenofiction unique for having common trope problems? I don't think so. Fantasy and science fiction - its sister genres - are notably stereotyped as having an abundance of misogyny and racism. It depends on the book. You can't generalize an entire genre as terrible, and that's the lesson I wish to emphasize. You won't receive perfection from skimming well-known novels like Wings of Fire, Guardians of Ga'hoole, Watership Down, Silverwing, and whatnot. You need to read xenofiction that is niche. You could find a diamond in the rough! You could get a new favorite series! The possibilities are endless.

This was significantly longer than intended. Oh well. At least I got it off my chest. I'm fully aware that it's not truly the fault of Warrior Cats. Cause and effect are volatile things. It's just I don't like potential fans getting turned away by perhaps well-meaning but uninformed people from an already dying category. I do have complicated feelings, don't I?

[the-way-astray]

hate your lover, love your hater, and be studied by her friend: pt.2

'I don't believe it,' Stria said, for what must have been at least the twenty-seventh time. 'I don't believe he exists. I don't believe any of it exists. But it does, and he does. How did Shannon find out about this? Wouldn't it be a global secret protected by three thousand organizations across the world? It should be on conspiracy theory websites, not in a middle-grade book series!'

She was sitting in a small cafe with Katie now, sipping at a milkshake as though it was the single thread she was holding on by. She may as well have been. Shannon Messenger knew world secrets. The Lost Cities were real. Keefe was real, and could now read about how Shannon had written him—how he was. (At that last thought, Stria brightened. That was a second thread to hold on by.)

'He's just like Shannon described!' replied Katie. 'Or at least, looks like that. I'll text him and let you know more. And he'll probably get back to you about your rant. Tell me everything once he does—his responses will be very enlightening.'

Stria scowled, and muttered, 'I hope that rant incinerates him with the power of my hatred.'

Katie shrugged. 'It might. Or it might inspire him to become a better person. It's possible.'

Stria didn't think it was, but she'd lost faith in the statement 'it's impossible' by now, so she glumly accepted that this was the life she lived, and went home. At least there she had things to do which would stop her from thinking about things like 'how did Shannon find out about their characterization' and 'why do I believe this' and 'why is this believable' and even the inevitable 'am I in a dream or fictional reality'. She really did not have the time for this.

That night, Keefe got back to her. Unfortunately.

Hey, Hater Girl?! he texted at 9:38pm. Even just the nickname was enough to make Stria's blood boil. She couldn't believe he existed. I'm only one heading ('Keeper', whatever that means) into your rant and I'm seriously starting to believe that you're spying on us. How do you know our secrets? Our conversations?! You weren't there for any of them. I thought humans didn't even know that elves existed?

I have my sources, Stria replied. Despite herself, she couldn't help but feel excited about Keefe reading her rant. With luck, her hatred would destroy him on the spot. Or at least confuse him and leave him dissatisfied. And you're one to talk about spying. I know very well how you take the secrets of anyone who's in touching distance—and sometimes not even that.

What do you m— Keefe had to have hit send accidentally, because the message stopped there. This was followed by:

“Keefe nudged Dex’s arm, then grinned at Sophie. ‘Interesting.’ ‘What?’ Dex asked. ‘Which one’s your gift, Dex?’ Sophie interrupted. She didn’t have to be a mind reader to know what Keefe was going to tease Dex about.” Here we mark the start of Keefe using his empathy to learn people’s secrets without their consent. He feels not a hint of remorse for it, and instead uses it as a way to breach people’s boundaries and embarrass them. As a lot of people have already said, Keefe is the primary reason empathy should have similar restrictions on it to telepathy. [keeper]

He was quoting her rant at her.

Stria wasn't sure how to feel about that.

I can't help but feel things? It's my ability, Hater Girl! he said.

Oh, that was rich. You *reached out* to touch him, she typed. That was deliberate, and while Shannon lets you get away with it, I definitely won't, and your legislative system shouldn't either. Then again, if you're real, then I'm not sure about how much choice she has over characterization.

WHO IS SHANNON?!!!! came the response, not a moment later. Why do you know about us? I can tell you're hiding something. okay? And all Empaths do this?! If you know so much about us, you should know that people get officially examined by Empaths just like this.

And who gave you the right?

Keefe didn't respond for a solid minute.

You know, he said at last, no one would tell me things if I didn't act like I could find out. That's how things work here. I don't know how it is with humans, but I *know* no one's going to tell me things otherwise.

He was a numbskull. He really was like this. Shannon had not exaggerated. Stria wanted to strangle him there and then, even though he wasn't even in the room. That's because they don't *want* to tell you those things! Do you realize you don't actually have a right to know all your friends' secrets?! And especially not the right to tease them about it if you can tell it's sensitive?!!! The example after the next one is of you actually being a decent friend, so don't tell me you don't know what you're doing. I haven't even sent you Unlocked yet.

What's Unlocked? Keefe asked. Stria wondered absently whether it had happened for him yet—if he had time to text random humans, and had light-leaped here, then the answer was most likely no. How'd that work, then? Had Shannon had visions of the future? Or maybe time moved differently in the Lost Cities. Stria would be willing to accept the latter.

And anyway, WHO is telling you all of this? This Shannon person? What do you mean by series? And THIS:

“‘Wow—you really sleep with this thing? I thought Fitz was kidding when he gave it to you when you were recovering.’ Sophie snatched Ella away [ . . . ]” Keefe continues to make fun of Sophie for her stuffed animal tendencies. You know, it’s possible to be funny and make jokes without actively tearing people down. But wait, you may say. Keefe shows some development later because he starts to sleep with his own stuffed animal! Doesn’t that mean he learned and grew? No, I would argue back at you. The issue is not actually that Keefe made fun of Sophie’s stuffed animal in particular. The issue is that most of Keefe's jokes actively revolve around making fun of someone and putting them down. And that never changes, even later in the series. This is simply one example. [exile]

I joke because it's hard for me to talk about serious things otherwise! And I find human things funny.

Stria wanted to incinerate him herself. For all Sophie was called oblivious, it was more than clear than Keefe was a far greater offender. Or worse—he knew what he was doing, and regretted nothing. As he'd find out from her rant soon enough. That's the only thing, the ONLY thing she has from her human life which doesn't have some sort of emotionally fraught memory attached to it! Stria told him. She can't sleep without it, and that's fine. It's not funny. Any time you rile people up for fun isn't funny. And that explanation about using jokes to cover things up is EVEN LESS FUNNY. This is one of the main reasons why I hate you to the core of my being and to the core of yours. Keep reading.

I don't think I can do more than the end of this heading, he texted. When Dex told me that he'd found a human 'website' where someone was hating me he didn't tell me how much! Like, wow, you're really making me feel like the Most Horrible Elf Ever. And you don't even know me. You don't even know me. I'm going to make you like me now. It will be Hater Girl and Keefe forever. Actually, what's your name?

You can call me Stria, Stria replied. And you *are* the most horrible elf ever. To me. Hope this helps.

Keestria forever then, he replied, ignoring her second comment. Stria took a minute to imagine hurling Keefe Sencen's blond-haired, blue-eyed, smirking, winking, unfortunately real self into the burning Sun. She imagined throwing Dex in too. If she'd disliked him before, then she hated him now only second to Keefe, for ruining her peace, sanity, and blissful ignorance.

But since she couldn't do that (yet), she decided to haunt Keefe's nightmares instead by typing: And if you want to know about Shannon, then Shannon Messenger is a human author who's passing your entire world off as a work of fiction in this world. As far as most of the world is concerned, you're fictional. I don't know how she has access to you and your secret moments, but that's how I know you. She's even written books from your perspective, so don't think you can hide all those thoughts. In fact, Shannon managed to make his thought processes look unreliable sometimes too, but that was unreliable narrating which Keefe didn't need to know about.

Stria smiled in satisfaction, sent the message, told Katie to meet her the next day to talk the entire matter over, and climbed into bed to fall asleep. As she turned the lights in her room off, she reflected that there was in fact a silver lining to the affair: at least the Keefe lovers on Pinterest hadn't found out about his very real existence yet. There was, after all, only so much she could tolerate.

*

Pt.3 on request (as before). Quotes are from the famous anti-Keefe rant. It's impressively long, and as I read it, more of it might feature in here. If anyone wants to come for my blood for 'Keestria', I'm just continuing Shannon's trend of including ship names in the books which most of the fandom doesn't use.

Also if it isn't too much trouble, I would love to know how you figured out that this was me, so please do tell (no pressure though)!

Non-anonymously but on anon for the bit,

— @worldsunlikemyown/the 'meta anon'

going to do this in backwards order. so there's a couple of things that helped me pin you down when you made part one:

the second i saw the word "meta" i had suspicions. to my knowledge, you're the only person in this entire fandom who uses that word instead of "analysis". i started using the word because of you, honestly. your vocabulary is rubbing off on me . . . also it's nice and short (for ask box title purposes) and sounds official. i like it. but it's a dead giveaway when it comes to you.

you are, in fact, the very first person to ever try to convince me this ship could work, on a substantial level. your reblog to the post that started this all matched up almost perfectly with what you said in the anon ask.

you mentioned my aldella thoughts in the fic, which is like. yeah anyone who sees my posts could know how obsessed i am with them, but there are only a handful of people that i feel consistently reblog my aldella posts and understand my obsession with them. and you definitely fit that. most people in this fandom pretty much only know me for my keefe hatred. i doubt many people are aware of my aldella obsession, relatively speaking.

also you have a vibe. this isn't really the right word, but it feels sort of . . . meek? almost? and polished. like in the post i linked above for example you use the phrase "in my humble opinion", which is common, but i do feel like you are far more scared to offend someone than the average fandom person is. and in the anon ask you used "if i may try to convince you" like you're asking for permission almost, and most of the asks i've gotten are very direct and to the point. also at the end you talking about being small, frail and weak was like. i get it was a joke but it definitely gave off that same vibe. i don't know if you're actually like this, since i have little exposure to your posts in general, but you give off the vibe of someone who's not trying to create ripples. and more so than other people. and you also used the word "humorously", like it feels very formal. if you know what i mean, instead of a word like funny, for example.

also the single quote thing . . . honestly not suspicious to me at all. it was something i noticed, but wasn't really something that made me think it was you. likely because i haven't really read your fics.

interesting that you changed your spelling . . . though it was always more about your word choice than it was about spelling.

the only thing that kinda threw me off was that other than that original post, you didn't seem to be aware of the entire drama at all. so that's why i was only 92% sure lol.

i think the main thing with me is. i look through all. my. notes. even if i don't respond, i guarantee that i've seen your reblog/reply/whatever else it may be. sorry for not responding :( sometimes i feel like i don't have anything interesting to add. but if you reblog consistently from me, i'm going to be very aware of your existence, especially when it comes to what sorts of posts you tend to skew toward.

anyway, now onto thoughts about part two:

"'I don't believe it,' Stria said, for what must have been at least the twenty-seventh time." starting off strong with a shannon messenger-esque line, i see. i don't tend to repeat things over and over out of shock, as shannon loves to make sophie do.

"'It should be on conspiracy theory websites, not in a middle-grade book series!'" so this is more of like. instead of a fourth wall breach, it's like i already live in the same "plane of existence" as the gang. interesting. so shannon is somehow spying on sophie and relating the news back in story form.

"She was sitting in a small cafe with Katie now, sipping at a milkshake as though it was the single thread she was holding on by." oooooh, milkshake. clearly someone's been keeping up with never change.

"(At that last thought, Stria brightened. That was a second thread to hold on by.)" i love this paragraph for some reason. idk the structure calls to me.

"'Or at least, looks like that. I'll text him and let you know more. And he'll probably get back to you about your rant. Tell me everything once he does—his responses will be very enlightening.'" tumblr-accurate katie.

"Stria scowled, and muttered, 'I hope that rant incinerates him with the power of my hatred.' Katie shrugged. 'It might. Or it might inspire him to become a better person. It's possible.'" yes, i want keefe incinerated, but i want it to be painless, as if he'd never existed at all. but this is unfortunately very accurate for katie . . . sigh.

"Hey, Hater Girl?! he texted at 9:38pm. Even just the nickname was enough to make Stria's blood boil." ACCURATE I HATE KEEFE'S DUMBASS NICKNAMES THEY'RE SO CRINGE. not for me . . . spare me . . . and this is so keefe. you captured his cringe perfectly.

"I have my sources, Stria replied. Despite herself, she couldn't help but feel excited about Keefe reading her rant. With luck, her hatred would destroy him on the spot." yeah i'd be kicking and giggling if i got to hand keefe a copy of my rant.

"I can't help but feel things? It's my ability, Hater Girl! he said. Oh, that was rich. You *reached out* to touch him, she typed. That was deliberate, and while Shannon lets you get away with it, I definitely won't, and your legislative system shouldn't either. Then again, if you're real, then I'm not sure about how much choice she has over characterization." YOU CAPTURED OUR DYNAMIC SO WELL I'M SCREAMING. YES. this is literally how he defends himself, by saying "i can't help it :(" and yes that's EXACTLY how my rants are. but yeah, in this universe i suppose shannon wouldn't have much control. so i can hardly be mad at her anymore.

"He was a numbskull. He really was like this. Shannon had not exaggerated. Stria wanted to strangle him there and then, even though he wasn't even in the room. That's because they don't *want* to tell you those things! Do you realize you don't actually have a right to know all your friends' secrets?! And especially not the right to tease them about it if you can tell it's sensitive?!!! The example after the next one is of you actually being a decent friend, so don't tell me you don't know what you're doing. I haven't even sent you Unlocked yet." NUMBSKULL I'M DYING THIS IS SO FUNNY. and yes . . . why is this man like this . . . and i love the implication that i have the entire rant memorized and could easily tell keefe what the example from two examples down is from memory alone . . . that's so goofy. and oh, boy. unlocked . . .

"It's not funny. Any time you rile people up for fun isn't funny. And that explanation about using jokes to cover things up is EVEN LESS FUNNY. This is one of the main reasons why I hate you to the core of my being and to the core of yours. Keep reading." "it's not funny" . . . accurate description of keefe sencen. and YES keep reading. rubbing my hands together in barely contained glee, i am.

"When Dex told me that he'd found a human 'website' where someone was hating me he didn't tell me how much! Like, wow, you're really making me feel like the Most Horrible Elf Ever. And you don't even know me. You don't even know me. I'm going to make you like me now. It will be Hater Girl and Keefe forever. Actually, what's your name?" wait if dex found my tumblr blog, shouldn't keefe already have seen my rant? it's the very first link in my pinned post . . . lol. he's not the most horrible elf ever. however he is the most horrible elf ever proportional to how the narrative treats him. hope this helps. AND NOT HIM FUCKING. JOKE SHIPPING US. ALREADY. AFTER HAVING KNOWN ME FOR LIKE POINT THREE SECONDS. THIS IS UTTERLY IN CHARACTER GOOD JOB, DOE.

"You can call me Stria, Stria replied. And you *are* the most horrible elf ever. To me. Hope this helps." my "hope this helps" . . . you know me so well *sniff* this is perfect.

"Keestria forever then, he replied, ignoring her second comment. Stria took a minute to imagine hurling Keefe Sencen's blond-haired, blue-eyed, smirking, winking, unfortunately real self into the burning Sun. She imagined throwing Dex in too. If she'd disliked him before, then she hated him now only second to Keefe, for ruining her peace, sanity, and blissful ignorance." NOT THE SHIP NAME . . . THIS IS SO KEEFE. THIS IS SO FUCKING KEEFE. OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS. and yeah, i would not be dex's biggest fan after this. i'm not even right now.

"In fact, Shannon managed to make his thought processes look unreliable sometimes too, but that was unreliable narrating which Keefe didn't need to know about." he is unreliable . . . they all are . . .

"Stria smiled in satisfaction, sent the message, told Katie to meet her the next day to talk the entire matter over, and climbed into bed to fall asleep." it's so funny to me how these fics characterize me as someone that would choose to go to katie to talk over all the keefe developments with. realistically speaking, she's about the last person i'd go to. but i get it.

"[ . . . ] at least the Keefe lovers on Pinterest hadn't found out about his very real existence yet." doe. doe. i don't like the way this feels like foreshadowing. will the keefe lovers on pinterest find out. i need to know. for. reasons.

ooooh, you're reading my rant???? totally not giggling and kicking my feet . . .

and yeah, shannon has a tendency to use the worst ship names. sokeefe doesn't make a single appearance in the canon story, instead we get keephie. what the heck. and fitzphie is preferred over sophitz . . . sigh. good on you for that. i still hate keestria, though.

anyway this was fantastic. no strieefe to be seen, and really, really good. you should definitely make a part three. @myfairkatiecat tagging you because you're a character . . .

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

A Fic Recommendation Extravaganza

as promised, (or more like voted) I'm going to share some of my favorite fics and authors in this post.

I joined Tumblr in 2012, but only started posting my writing in 2018, never thinking people would actually read it. Now here we are, 5 years 6K people later and I couldn't be more thankful!

These will be heavily Pedro centred (what a surprise lol), but there's some other people who I have been following for years before too.

Let's go!

@radiowallet whole Masterlist but especially her Oberyn series. I love to hate to love stubborn soulmates who get heir happily ever after. And I can not wait to hold PWC in my hands.

@something-tofightfor currently very in love with undercover future king of Mandalore Din Djarin falling in love in a christmas town. But honestly check out the whole masterlist. So many good stories, and I haven't even read everything yet

@wheresarizona Arizona makes me yearn for fictional Javier Peña in Learning to live like no other. Not only is this the fluffiest love story ever, no it's fucking filthy

@jazzelsaur Frankie and Ellie will have my heart FOREVER and ever ever.

@tilltheendwilliwrite was probably one of the first authors I followed on here. Her Blessings of Magic series is one of my most favourite stories ever and it still keeps growing.

@lavendertales oh where to start? Frankie Angst? Or Enemys to lovers with Javi P? Honestly, the whole Masterlist ist just chefs kiss.

@whiskeynwriting Dave fucking York and his daughters best friend. If I could drop real life whenever an update is posted I would (okay I mostly do)

@oonajaeadira PATS my beloved. I'm in love how you build this tiny universe with a character we haven't even seen just listened to.

@absurdthirst ooookay. I don't know what's my favorite. Just like... everything. And Werewolf Pero.

@wardenparker every single Soulmate series had me in a chokehold. Just... read it all here.

@chaoticgeminate Don't make me decide between Dragon Pero and sub Dave. Or Javi and Solecita. Or...

@whatsnewalycat you don't know that, but I read your Javi series almost completely when I was on vacation last year without knowing that you were on Tumblr too. I literally stopped breathing during the last chapters. And now I am loving to hate Frankie in Designated Person.

@guess-my-next-obsession Dr. Javier Peña my beloved.

@fuckyeahdindjarin If Palomino was a person, I would be on my knees. Cowboy Jack is like.. the perfect man and it's kinda rude of him but I love him.

@whataperfectwasteoftime is where I go to to get my Marcus Pike fix. And I can not wait to read your book either!!

@keanureevesisbae the mental picture of John Wick hanging up those paintings in one cappuccino and a chocolate brownie please has been burned into my brain. The amount of fluff you are able to put into words is unbeatable and I love it.

@supernaturalgirl20 whole Masterlist is to die for. The one story that stayed with my was Ezra in Bookshop by the coast. I think I read that three times.

@psychedelic-ink The amount of Joel fics that seem to show up daily from you have me in awe. Masterlist here.

@coastielaceispunk I fell in love with all Max Lord fics, and stayed for the rest. Check Masterlist here

[planet-crait]

Episode 12!

I’m surprised Hazel reads romance novels given how young she is but the OG show also had romance so I guess it’s inline their (still not a fan of romance for such young kids but whatever) and it seems fishboy from the intro will finally show up!!

Aww they have a book club that’s cute. Lolz oh Hazel i understand the intense need to talk about your favorite things but let your friends be surprised come on!

Wait kids have dances so young? My first dance wasn’t until like middle school. Oh I get why that wouldn’t be fun for Hazel, being the only single person with all your friends being on dates sucks. Most dances me and my friends threw “anti” dances so we just hung out and watched Disney movies lolz. It was great. I am surprised though they didn’t tell Hazel they planned on going it just seemed I don’t know nice to let her know they had dates? Oh poor Kev, what did he do to be rejected so hard. And why would he be Hazels only option?

Oh huh not quite what I expected but makes sense lolz. Oh yeah okay for once they acknowledge Cosmo and Wanda should be hiding but actually have a good explanation for why they don’t. And it makes sense honestly but Hazel don’t tell him he’s a fictional character that might break him.

Uh Cosmo did you eat the bowl? Okay uh moving on. I think it’s cute Kennueth doesn’t understand coming slang it makes sense and is a funny moment. Wait why did he have to go to Fairy world to get an outfit? If they’re just magicing clothes on him. But awww he’s so sweet helping her dance.

Oh no poor Dev. He’s mean but no one deserves to be physically attacked. He’s a kid he says mean things but I wouldn’t want to see him like physically hurt. But why does he think Dev is duck worth? I don’t see the resemblance at all.

Oh that’s kind of cute Devs a fan of the same series Hazel is. Too bad he’s so mean and in denial but maybe this could help start them being kinder to each other? It’s clear Dev wants to be closer with Hazel with how obsessed he can get with her but doesn’t have the tools to like know how to go about befriending someone. Undoubtedly it’s a side affect of how his dad raised him. I know we don’t know yet he treats Dev so poorly but I know so it’s definitely affecting how I’m viewing him.

Lolz even the principle reads it? Not surprising she enjoys the villain most. Theirs nothing wrong with that of course people can freely enjoy the characters they like but this seems like a shorthand to further show how “bad” the principle is because “look she likes the bad guy so that makes her bad”. Liking a character doesn’t mean you condone their actions, their are lots of reasons people like “evil” characters weather it’s you enjoy seeing a person be unapologetically evil or like their backstory or how they got to where they are or think they work as a good foil for the main character. There isn’t a right or wrong way to enjoy a story as long as you aren’t being a jerk to people with what they like about the story.

Uh sorry I’ll get off of my soapbox lolz. Oh Hazel that was kind of mean. I get why she feels the way she does but like your friends wanted to go the the dance and you’re not being a good friend either.

Lolz oh Hazel I feel the pain of a prequel not being made in a language you can’t read lolz. Aww Dev getting all emotional with being forgiven and thinking duckworth would like it oh. (Does this play at all into maybe Dev not feeling loved or cared about by his dad?) oh dang it I want more Dev stuff lolz. I am so impatient.

Awww I like that they all apologized and all realized they made mistakes. It’s good to see when a more complex situation allows everyone to be wrong and not just one person. Wait are they just leaving him there? He literally didn’t do anything wrong.

Oh uh. Huh I thought they were going with the love of friends is just as strong as romantic love but uh I guess not. Poor guy. Oh. Uh. Oh. Well RIP I guess. That got dark fast.

Wait Hazel TODAY was weird but not the day your hair became SENTIENT?? This is too weird for you?? THIS? Like overall given the other episodes this is not nearly as weird as other stuff lolz.

Overall I really enjoyed this episode and didn’t have anything that stuck out to me. The wish and how it came about made sense, the episode was cute. And maybe Hazel and Dev can find common ground? Maybe? Probably not but I can wish lolz.

WAIT WAIT WAIT DO DUCKWORTH AND KENNUETH DATE? THEY SAID TRUE LOVE DO WE HAVE SOME REAL GAY REP HERE?? Okay the wiki doesn’t clear up anything but ima pretend they do lolz.

Onto the next one!!

[cowboybrunch]

writerblr interview tag!

thank you for the tags @tragedycoded (here) @sableglass (here) and @saturnine-saturneight (here) <3 ive been meaning to get to this one for a minute sooo let's get into it

Short stories, novels, or poems?

i started with poetry, so it has a special place in my heart. all of my short stories turn into beasts. is it a cop out answer to say all of the above?

What genre do you prefer reading?

it'd be easier to list what genres i don't like. when i say ill read anything, i mean ill read anything. lately i've been on a sci fi kick (thanks Pierce Brown) but i love a good modern trashy romance as much as the next guy (i read the booktok sludge so you dont have to!) im not really a nonfiction guy but hey, if anyone has some recs, ill give em a shot

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person?

def NOT a planner. usually when i start writing i have a vague idea of where we start and where we need to end up, but what happens along the way is a surprise for everyone involved

What music do you listen to while writing?

SILENCE. sometimes white noise. i cant focus with music, brain gets jumbled

Favorite books/movies?

of all time? oh god for books, probably This Is How You Lose the Time War or The Song of Achilles but The Locked Tomb series is def up there. not a novel but i've read Bluets by Maggie Nelson so many times i probably have it memorized by now favorite movie is Zoolander, easy answer. that movie owns. i can watch it on repeat and ill never get sick of it

Any current WIPs?

Dust to Dust is still alive but im taking a bit of a hiatus before hopping into the final bit (tag is here if you wanna see me ramble about it) Felix Wonder is the fun time brain break WIP of choice currently and im working on draft 3 of Burden of the Reluctant Death (we will get to the ending this time. we will)

Create a character description of yourself: 

Elusive, or pretends to be. Too much energy in too small a body. Refuses to sit properly in a chair. Prone to fits of melancholy remedied by sunlight. Easily excitable, but fussy. Same outfit every day: big sweater, little pants, fuzzy socks. Nails bitten bloody but at least her hair is clean (if a bit too long for summer)

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

i could say no but that would make me a liar

Are you kill happy with your characters?

i was gonna make a joke but it would be spoilers soo. i write about grief. no way everyone makes it out alive

Coffee or Tea while writing?

coffee. i dont like tea (sorry sorry!)

Slow or fast writer?

im very much a burst writer so. flood or drought, no in between. lately i'd say SLOW but im just waiting for that spark u get me?

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

this really isnt fantasy but i feel like i was destined to be the kind, slightly off-putting maintenance man in a haunted apartment building that says cryptic things like "don't take the east elevator on a full moon" and "the air conditioning has made that noise since the fire in 12B"

Most fav book cliche:

yea there's only one bed and ill eat it up every single time!!! also: "i didnt know where else to go" or basically any overdone romance trope you can think of. im here for it

Least favorite cliche:

if there's a cliche that i dont like, i havent found it yet

Favorite scene to write?

confession scenes of any kind! scenes where the big tough character breaks down. any kind of emotional revelation, positive or negative

Reason for writing?

words in head, need words out of head ok ok fine, serious answer. i feel like writing is both asking and answering the question, "have you felt like this before? has anyone ever felt like this before? am i alone?" and it's proof that you're not the first and only person to ever experience the things you're experiencing. even this made up guy in this pretend world understands rage and despair and joy and grief and love. the source is different but the result is the same. human connection, man. love it and! it's fun. im having fun

tag!!

@knightinbatteredarmor @friendlesscat @tildeathiwillwrite @glassonthewall @illarian-rambling

@mysticstarlightduck @dyrewrites @sarandipitywrites @oliolioxenfreewrites @xenascribbles

[the-inkwell-variable]

Writeblr Interview Tag!

Thanks so much for the tag, @sableglass!

Short stories, novels, or poems?

Novels all the way. I've tried my hand at short stories, and they always end up being novellas or straight up novels by the time I'm done with them. May as well stick with what my little brain clearly desires!

What genre do you prefer reading?

Mysteries (cozy or otherwise), horror (especially zombie fiction or apocalypse fiction, yes please), fantasy (especially cozy, I love cozy fantasy so much, have you read Legends and Lattes?), and romance.

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person?

I'm a little of both! I'll generally have a plan in my head at the very least, if not a brief outline written down somewhere, but when I actually sit down to write, my writing tends to veer off wherever it wants and do its own thing (for example, FUCKING CHUCK). As long as it makes sense, I tend to just let it go wherever it wants lol

What music do you listen to while writing?

Surprisingly, I don't listen to much music while writing. I'll daydream to it, absolutely, but I mostly just throw on some Markiplier or an old debate that I've heard ten thousand times and write to that. It's more about the background noise than the actual content, y'know?

But when I DO listen to music, I drift toward lofi or mood music compilations on youtube. The kind that DMs play during their DnD sessions. Love those so much, they really help keep me locked in a single mood, which I absolutely need when I'm writing a scene.

Favorite books/movies?

Oh god. Lord of the Rings (including the Hobbit don't @ me). Train to Busan (or any Korean zombie movies/shows, really). Some Disney and Pixar - Big Hero 6, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, Emperor's New Groove, etc. The Strain is one of my favorite TV shows - I also love Cutthroat Kitchen above all else, a bunch of different anime, and Dance Moms (yes I know it's toxic and yes I am ashamed of myself for enjoying it. I pity the kids but I rage at the moms.)

As for books, my favorites are the Beechwood Harbor Mystery series, The Luminous Dead, Thief Liar Lady, All Systems Red, Legends and Lattes, A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking, anything Holly Black, Suffer the Children, Contagion, Luck in the Shadows, Assistant to the Villain, Dead of Night, and Surviving the Evacuation!

Any current WIPs?

Oh gosh. I'm bopping between From Carnival to Chamomile, a prequel to a cozy mystery series, and Dauntless, a zombie apocalypse trilogy, right now. Sometimes I'll work on Priestess Without Honor, a paranormal low-fantasy romance, and Chosen Against My Will, a dark mafia romance. I also have zer0 ALPHA, a lit-rpg isekai zombie apocalypse novel, but I haven't touched that in years and have only recently rediscovered my notes for it.

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you what would your standard outfit be?

I wear the same thing every day, surprisingly. That's the autism for ya. I love jeans and a T-shirt, especially if that T-shirt has a picture from an anime or show or something like that. Printed shirts, I think they're called. Oh, and mismatched socks. That's me.

Create a character description of yourself: 

Too tall for her own good and unwanted curves for days. Bobbed dark-blue hair with steel gray eyes. Too busy writing or gaming to really notice what's going on. Expect a text back within seconds of receiving it - she reads faster than most people expect and tends to read every text twice just to give it that safety buffer. If there isn't a snack and a drink nearby, call the police.

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

Hehehehe maybe. But not exactly in a good way. I'm very much the kind of person who will put someone I dislike into my book just so they can get the justice they won't get in the real world, even over something as minor as pronouncing my name wrong on purpose (I'm looking at you, Keiara).

Are you kill happy with your characters?

I want to say yes because I kill off characters constantly, but when it comes to my main OCs, no. I can't bring myself to kill them at all. I go out of my way to create characters for death (like FUCKING CHUCK) rather than put my favorites in the line of fire. I think that's a problem I need to work on.

Coffee or Tea while writing?

coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee

but I do love tea, especially in the fall. In the fall, I tend to drift toward tea and apple cider rather than coffee.

But otherwise? Coffeeeeeee

Slow or fast writer?

Fast writer when I actually sit down to write! Slow writer when I'm procrastinating. I've been working on Dauntless for...thirteen years? Twelve?

Where/who/what do you draw inspiration from?

I get inspiration from EVERYTHING. Dreams. Books. Movies. Something dumb my partner says offhandedly.

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

I absolutely want to be something cool, like a shadow mage. But I'm probably a little gremlin that hides in the edges of the woods and steals your socks. Mmmm socks.

Most fav book cliche:

Enemies to lovers! Especially when one person is smitten at firstt sight and doesn't realize it.

Least favorite cliche:

Friendship is magic. Don't get me wrong, I'm fine with powerful friendships being front and center, but when the big bad is literally destroyed because fRiEnDsHiP I gag a little bit. I also hate undeserved happy endings - make the ending make sense. If it's a sad or horror book, sometimes the ending needs to be bad. And finally, forced romance. No. No thank you. Some stories don't need romance.

Favorite scene to write?

Descriptions! Am I good at them? No. Will I spend three pages describing a tree? Maybe.

Also conversations. I tend to do a lot of conversations and monologues in my writing. Need to work on that.

Reason for writing?

If I don't write down the ideas in my head, I will explode.

TAGLIST: @falconfate - @space-writes - @leahnardo-da-veggie - @i-can-even-burn-salad - anyone who wants to take part!

[gerbiloftriumph]

Floating Castle Liveblog (third read)

In 2020, I read the first king's quest adaptation novel. Again. Because 2020 was awful.

August 22, 2020 –

page 0

I'm not going to read this aga--oh wait no who am I kidding I'm trapped at work for another four hours and it's *not* a good day and I just want my tea drinking wizard tree and frog prince and mcguffin king and headless ghosts and the soft delights of smarmy sassy villains. (also the kq series is the only series i have easy access to rn so shhh)

page 3

"Castles do not fly." The title of the book says otherwise, sir.

page 10

Gotta admit, Telgrin's perpetual single thundercloud over his castle still gives me ridiculous amounts of joy. I'm sitting here grinning honestly for the first time all day. I love my melodramatic sassmaster.

page 14

I comment on it every single time I read this (yes this IS the third time I've read this in three years, leave me alone), but I seriously love watching Graham being an actual king. I love adventures, and I love royals, and I love adventuring royals, but I also really like the sturdy basis of kindness and clarity Graham just has as a leader. It's really pleasant.

page 20

IT HIM. Heeeeeeere's Telgrin! Do you think Telgrin spent hours shuffling around trying to perfect that gliding walk? Stars, I hope he did. I mean in any other villain it would just be natural but with my emo goth drama king who tries too hard, everything is carefully plotted for maximum visual aesthetic.

page 22

Totally seriously, though, the contrast between Graham's tightly contained fury and balance of how he's been treating the assembly and Telgin's wide swept theatrics and overblown personality is SO good. This sort of subtle contrast really does raise this book from generic game adaptation to surprisingly pleasant fantasy. It's still genre light, but it has confidence and solid bone work.

page 23

"The news reached me that you were gathering all your knights here today, Graham, so it seemed a convenient time." Because Telgrin won't do anything without an audience to oooh and ahhh over his antics.

page 30

"Everything seemed muted, vague, unreal." Oh, did you mean my life right now? No? Close enough.

page 33

"and a small pear." Yes, a crucial thing to make sure you pack on your voyage. Good call.

page 38

TREE WIZARD oh stars my whole heart is happyyyyy. What a mood improvement.

page 40

"So, that castle belongs to this guy named Telgrin." "Oh yeah, Telgrin. He's evil. Don't mess with him." "You know him?" "I know his reputation." Stars, Telgrin would be SO PLEASED to know his reputation precedes him now. I hope he started some of those rumors himself.

page 40

I still can't handle the density of this conversation. "Telgrin is a stealer of souls." "A stealer of souls? What's that?" Alexander. Alexander, pleaaaase think about what you just said. Please. I love you, but seriously.

page 45

Even when you are a tree wizard, that is, a wizard slowly and literally turning into a tree, it's still important that you get your morning cup of tea. Morowyn knows it. So should you.

page 47

In other words, Alexander, you're just a glorified babysitter. You could have asked Big Knight Brian Blessed to be your partner in crime on this heist and gotten a better result. (i'm kidding of course I love Cyril to absolute pieces, look at this farmboy wizard lad he's so squishy and blond and round and I love him.)

page 54

heist heist heist heIST let's plan a HEIST.

page 58

The moat monsters also have a taste for the finer things in life. Like feather-capped adventurers. Castle Daventry is literally the most perfect fantasy castle there is. It even has a hoard of moat monsters. Like, you can't get more Fantasy Castle than this place. Telgrin only wishes his castle was that cool. He just has to make do with personal thunderclouds.

page 63

A small thing, but I super love Mills's emphasis on color. From the rain slanting golden in the yellow torchlight, to the hills here slowly changing from an angry maroon to a deep indigo with a band of yellow slowly disappearing as the sun sets...it's heavily visual, like he's literally painting a screen from the games, and I find it rather peaceful, somehow.

page 64

Literally just the ringwraith scene from Fellowship of the Ring, but with King's Quest protagonists instead of Frodo and friends. The audacity of this book. I love it.

page 69

Mills was absolutely just rereading Fellowship of the Ring when he was asked to write this book. It's not even subtle at this point. .........and I super love every single reference with all my silly fantasy heart.

page 89

I can't think of a single other fantasy in which the protagonist lassos a kelpie and attempts to ride it. I can't imagine why not. It's a flawless plan.

page 96

I feel like that's just magic homemade whiskey. Getting the prince drunk might not be in everyone's best interest.

page 97

Alexander, you gotta stop calling people "ho." You're gonna offend someone. (I'm kidding, of course. "Ho there" is as traditionally delightful as "Who goes there," and highly welcome to behold.)

page 99

platform boots

page 100

I'm sorry, I know I commented on this when I read this last year, but...again. Telgrin has One Single Lone Stupid Thundercloud, which "hovered over a high central tower. From time to time, this cloud would light with an internal fire, and a low, menacing rumble would break across the land." It's like the Winnie the Pooh raincloud, with ambient sound effects. The audacious aesthetic of this guy is a DELIGHT to behold.

page 107

Aaah yes the Road to El Dorado sequence. Truly, this book is nothing but the best hits of adventure tropes crammed into a book 300 pages long.

page 108

Does this mean that Telgrin has also been to Narnia? Oh dear.

page 112

Again. "The cloud." Not many clouds. Just the one. A single, lone, silly, thundercloud.

August 24, 2020 –

page 114

Wait, what came first, this book or the Muppet Christmas Carol movie? Because all I can picture is Scrooge's Statler-shaped Muppet door knocker, but with extra teeth, shrieking.

page 117

Is Alexander is the only person in the series to ever have a proper sword fight? I mean, not counting....uhhhh is it Owen in KQ8? (Super didn't play KQ8, everyone said it wasn't worth the effort.)

page 123

Like, I gotta say: binding souls to armor, cool. Great scheme, very evil. Making it so that just knocking the helmet off releases the soul into the night forever? ...nooooot the most ideal.

page 126

You know in Princess Bride, when Westley tries to wrestle Fezzik, and just kinda runs at him and squeezes him and absolutely nothing happens? Alexander, right here, vs the black knight.

page 131

A barikar is not a real fantasy monster--the only google result that comes up is that, yes, Telgrin owns one. But it's a huge rabbit with a rat nose, dog fangs, fish scales instead of fur, and human like hands with claws. It sees about as well as a human, but it can hear well, thanks to the rabbit ears. It's absolutely ridiculous. I love it. I wonder if I can convince my dm to make it a fight in our campaign.

page 133

My sweet babiiiiies. Alexander making Cyril stand behind him to protect him and Cyril absolutely refusing and taking the front anyway. I love these kids. I say, fully recognizing that they're semi-close to my age and know how to handle swords and magic.

page 133

Oh, no, excuse me, the Bariker doesn't have rabbit ears--it has bat ears. Which just kind of further emphasizes how much I want this thing in a campaign. It's so ridiculous.

page 139

Where was he? Yes. Who was this beside him? Yes. How long had he been asleep? No way of knowing. Alexander, those are not answers to questions, except maybe the last one. You've answered nothing. Alexander, please.

page 141

headless ghost headless ghost headless ghoooost i can't stop smiling he's holding it like a football it's amazing

August 25, 2020 –

page 142

Lydia's mom caught Anime Mom Protagonist Disease. It's a tragic illness. No hope of recovery.

page 142

"Owen took a brief pause, while Alexander reflected on the fact that he was getting used to carrying on a conversation with a beheaded man. It was starting to seem almost normal. Almost." How is this a real book. I love this book.

page 143

tragic telgrin backsto--oh wait it's not tragic at all he's just always been a brat.

page 144

"Somehow a beheaded man on his feet was infinitely more alarming than a beheaded man quietly seated." o rly?

page 145

Look, it is a *little* creepy that he would install magic mirrors of spying in his daughter's bedroom without her knowledge, but considering Owen admitted to teaching Telgrin everything he knows, including presumably soul torturing magic, we can kind of assume Owen isn't actually that good a guy after all.

page 149

Glowing moss in fantasy must be the most useful plant ever cultivated.

page 155

Obviously, there's nothing wrong with describing Alexander's haunches, but it's also just a little weird. It's not...a word I hear often, especially in reference to humans.

page 156

I like a good wizard who knows that a cup of tea soothes most ills. A man after my own heart.

page 156

"After allowing himself to wallow in depression for a short while, he pushed his mood aside with a firm effort, squared, his shoulders, and said, 'Well, the sooner we get going, the sooner you'll get your bath and your tea.'" Ah, yes, of course, just push aside your wallowing. Why didn't I realize it was that easy?

page 158

"A few wary, rather mincing steps, brought him to the vestibule." Alexander, your author is making fun of you. Just a bit.

page 161

The book is very, very clear that it's just Graham's face floating in the soul-capture orb. The book is very, very wrong. It's a tiny Graham floating around in there. Like, full body, but like two inches high. This is fact, and better than a disembodied Wizard of Oz-style face. I'm just letting you all know that the book is misprinted. Every copy. It's a full body'd Graham. Just smol.

page 162

YEAH BOI PUNCH AN UNDEAD KNIGHT...oh no, your arm, why did you just literally punch a suit of armor, you donut, you know better than that

August 26, 2020 –

page 167

To be fair, the door is now open. As is the floor, and the wall, and...well, the room, to the sky. Definitely very open.

August 27, 2020 –

page 169

It's turned into Dragon's Lair instead of King's Quest, for this scene. Super into it. Wouldn't want to play it as a video game, though--the amounts of game overs....

August 31, 2020 –

page 169

"But this insignificant event raised within him an unexpected fury. He cursed the poor root to withering, black perdition, cursed it deeply and sincerely, cursed it with all his soul." Gods, Alexander, I get it. Man, do I ever get it. I'm so tired.

page 177

"This was it, the nadir. It could not get any worse than this." You sure about that, kid? I think we've got one more scrape at the bottom of the barrel we can squeeze into."

page 181

Alexander is thiiiiiiiis close to snapping. Kid, I understand you. Critically and crucially, I understand.

page 183

FROG PRINCE. I told you there was one more level we could reach. The royal family gets transformed into animals rather frequently. At least this time he's not a snail, poor kid.

page 183

"With a sense of profound shock, he realized that he had been transformed into a frog--a rather large and handsome frog, it's true, but still a frog." You can't make this stuff up. This book is perfect. The ideal. The author is calling Alexander a handsome frog. He's a frog, but a good looking one. I can't handle this.

page 185

"Did you speak, Sir Frog?" "That's Prince Frog, to you." Alexander, be nice. Don't pull rank. I don't think you have rank to pull anymore. Smelly swamp rank, at best.

page 186

I like to think that was just Alexander swearing, but it was masked as a ribbit.

page 187

To be fully fair, Alex, you do kind of need him to reattach Graham's soul, so maybe it's for the best that he doesn't go far.

page 189

If I were a soul-armor, and this frog decided to enter the castle, to be honest, I think I would probably just let it. Because it's a frog.

page 194

There's fanart of this scene too because it's hilarious. She kisses a frog, he becomes a man hanging half over the rim of a fountain, and all she can say is "Goodness! But...you're beautiful." Ridiculous.

page 194

HA and then she tries to recover saying, "I haven't seen that many men in my life. Hardly any, actually. I'm sure that you're really very ordinary." Kid. Please, stop insulting him, you're going to make him sad(der than he already is)

page 198

It's at this point that Alexander just sort of gives in to the sass and the snark and starts leaning into the nonsense. "Creature?" "She's not entirely human." "Uh, in what way is she not human?" "To begin with, she has two heads, no hair, only three fingers on each hand, and is fully seven feet tall." "You're right. That doesn't sound entirely human." Pleeaaaaase this book is a deliiight.

page 200

That twilight area between wakefulness and sleep, with thoughts centered on nothing at all? my brain, today. fully. I've got nothing left to offer anyone, except not-very-funny remarks on this book.

page 202

Nothing Telgrin does is ever common. Overblown and ludicrous, maybe, but never ever common.

September 1, 2020 –

page 209

When the two headed guard calls to the intruding man like a person tempting a kitty cat. "Come here, man, pspspsps. Man, man, maaaan." Instead of catnip, she can bring tacos.

page 211

Again, I just gotta let you all know that the books have been misprinted. It's not a disembodied head floating in the orb, even if it's probably supposed to be an Owen's decapitated head parallel, because that's dumb. It's a tiny two-inch tall Graham floating in the orb, not just his face. I don't know how all the copies got misprinted like that, but they did. It's really a tiny Graham. Cute. Okay? Okay. Onward.

page 212

I love One Stubborn King.

page 216

I can't actually make snide jokes about the text when I'm actually just outright enjoying it. The sheer blissy silly triumph of Telgrin, the stubbornness and sharp agony of my dear sweet Graham, Alexander standing there ruminating on what loyalty means--this is exactly my flavor of fantasy jam.

September 17, 2020 –

page 225

I still kind of sort of love that Telgrin apparently decided that the best way to use the magic staff was to make it respond to wishes. "I wish for a giant fireball." And thus, one appears. It just...speaks to some strange childishness that I find totally hilarious in this big bad villain.

page 230

Again, the book is misprinted. I'm not about these weird Wizard of Oz style floating faces. They're weird. It's a fully bodied apparition of Telgrin yelling at Alexander, hands on hips, just as it's a tiny full bodied shape of Graham in the orb. My version is better.

page 231

"I could kill you now, if I wanted." "I don't think so," Alexander said defiantly. "Is *everyone* in Daventry this obstinate?" Sir. My dude. My man. Palberto. You messed with the wrong royal family, and they come from knight stock, not actually blue blood at all. They're going to *wreck* you.

page 232

"I'll live, I think." Alexander, your ability to comfort others leaves a little bit to be desired.

page 234

I'm not actually kidding. If Mills hadn't read Fellowship of the Ring at least a week or two before writing this, I will eat my whole entire adventuring cap. That's the Watcher in the Water, as there was literally lembas bread earlier and a ringwraith before that. Fantasy tropes or not, this is just sneaking Tolkien references in because Mills is a fanboy (I mean, obviously: he's writing company-approved fanfic).

page 237

Again, Alexander, realize this: Telgrin learned everything he knows from Owen. One might assume, especially knowing how dark those mirrors felt, that Owen himself is *not actually a very good guy.*

page 241

It's kind of like cheerfully presenting Sweeney Todd with his shaving tools. "At last, I am complete again!" Not.....super great, I feel.

page 242

I love that it's not actually magic keeping the castle moored, but a big ol' safety pin. That's not even actually much of an exaggeration. "At the bottom of that well you will find a large golden pin embedded in the paving stone. You are to remove this pin. It may not be easy, but you must do it. It will set the castle free from the moorings of the earth."

page 248

The fact that Telgrin now has to wear an eyepatch is great enough. The fact that he took the time to make sure it perched on "his bald head at a jaunty angle" is almost too much to bear. I hope he stood in front of his cracked and smoking mirror adjusting it just so before coming down for this final confrontation.

page 248

"I'll probably never see out of this eye again, I hope you're happy with yourself." "I mean...you *were* trying to kill me." "Irrelevant." Boys, please, there are serious issues at hand.

page 250

"All I've ever asked in return is that you marry me, and that you not burden me with your opinions." Telgrin, the ultimate flirt. Magnificent.

page 251

Telgrin's snarky sassy meltdown is the greatest. "She's now willing to marry me, merely to save your worthless life! Willingly! Well, I won't have it, I tell you. She shall marry me unwillingly, or not at all!" Telgrin, you are absolutely bonkers and you're my favorite villain in any piece of media ever, full stop. The sheer ridiculousness of *you* with your wish-magic and bloviating and grandiose posturing....divine.

page 253

Telgrin's pasty complexion is enough to "make a marble statue appear dark by comparison." If this were a modern AU, Telgrin would be that emo kid hunched over twitter mansplaining at everyone, while listening to the rainy mood app constantly. He's an absolute delight from start to finish, especially because he *is* a threat and he *could* win if he wasn't so obsessed with the *aesthetic* and the need to show off.

page 255

Ahh one of my favorite lines in the whole book: "It's blame-everything-on-Telgrin time, is it?" What villain talks like this?? Who does this?!! No one but Telgrin, author Craig Mills, and this goofy novelisation of the very sassy, very cliche, very delightful, King's Quest series. Fantasy tropes, sass, snark, and everything. This book is nothing but pure sugared joy for me.

page 266

No more than two feet of earth held the entire castle in place, and now they're floating away again like the house in Up. Delightful.

page 270

Telgrin, you can't behead someone who has already been beheaded. Be sensible.

page 273

"Can you think of any way for us to get down from [this steadily rising floating castle]?" "I could attempt to fly you down!" All in all, Alexander thought he would rather just jump. Boys, please.

page 288

A Valanice story, I think, would have been very welcome. I'm glad for the trilogy we got, but I really would have enjoyed an official novel from her perspective. This lonely image of her standing alone before the throne, with her husband dying in the next room and her son gone for at least a week to face an unknown villain alone, while her kingdom is ravaged by evil knights....it feels worth exploring.

page 291

I absolutely one thousand million percent love this strobing effect of two Grahams floating together, his transparent and delicate soul settling down into his body again. It's delightful.

page 292

Pleaaase Graham, say "A heart is a heavy burden." I know this book came out like a decade before the Howl's Moving Castle (the movie at least, I don't know the book's publication date), but pleaaaase. I know you won't, but I want you to.

page 293

SHRIEKING. I don't ever ship things, but this is my otp for liiiiiife look at these two precious beans together I'm just THRILLED the smile on my face is enormous ahhhh Valanice and Graham have hardly anything going for them in the original games since they hardly ever interact on screen but this book and this scene is just DELIGHTFUL.

September 17, 2020 – Finished Reading

Again, five stars out of five stars

[georgiapeach30513]

Closer to Heaven and Closer to You, Part 5

Summary:  your week with Frank, and you find out lots of new things...

Pairings:  Frank Adler X Reader (Past)

Rating:  explicit

Warnings:  explicit language, explicit sexual content, smut, PIV sex, unprotected sex, creampie, fingering, mentions of somnophilia, sex with an audience, cheating (?), 18+ ONLY

Word Count:  4.4K

Previous

Series Masterlist

“Frank?” You ask, lifting up off his chest. He holds tighter to you, pulling you down for an innocent kiss, despite your sticky post coital skin clinging to each other.  “Is there some place you have always wanted to visit, but haven’t. Nothing to do with a rodeo, either. This is just leisure.”

“Hmm,” he hums, starting to run his hands up and down your back. “Can’t be for a rodeo, huh? Kentucky. We can go to the pony races. Still beautiful in its own way. Different from Montana. And where would my sweet Bunny go?”

“Drive up the east coast in the fall,” he tilts his head to the side, giving you a soft smile. “I want to see all the changing trees. Get some maple in Vermont. Hit every single one of those little bitty states, and end in Boston.”

“Boston? Is that why you want me to wear a Red Sox hat? What’s in Boston?”

“History. And yes, my dad is a Red Sox fan. Always has been. I’ve always wanted to visit there. I don’t know about living there. Giving all this up,” you look out the big window beside your bed. You didn’t bother to close the curtain when the two of you were on the property. Able to have nature and mountains in the distance. Still able to view the stars, and were even surprised when Frank knew some of the constellations.

“Like go to the museums, the food, the art, the history, Frank. And…I don’t know there’s these books my mom used to read. They were always set in Boston. They were just so mysterious, and I’ve always wanted to go and see the spots that he was talking about.”

“Mmm,” his eyes start fluttering close, and you snuggle more into his chest. Relaxing into him as the two of you start settling in for bed. “I’ll take you to Boston one day.”

“Promise?”

“One day, Bunny. You can show me the history. But now, I just want you to sleep on me. Tomorrow, it’s just you and me.”

“And Steve and Bucky and the rest of the rodeo.”

“Shh, go to sleep.”

Clyde jumps from the back seat of the truck to the front the moment you pull into the rodeo.  Happily licking at you while you look over at Frank, he looked happy.  He looked happier here than he ever did with you at home.  You feel a tinge of guilt about asking him to take a year off.  There was a lightness to him.  Even just pulling your tiny little camper, he seemed at peace because he knew it was leading him to the rodeo.  Throwing the truck into park, he turns towards you, puckering his lips.

“Gimme a kiss, Bunny,” he speaks too deep, and you giggle as you lean in for a chaste peck that turns raunchy quickly.  Clyde had migrated to the floor, and Frank was pulling you more into him.  A hand groping you tit when both of you jump at Steve smacking the hood of the truck.

“We getting a show for free?” He laughs, and Bucky was standing there with his back to the two of you, “You two gonna have a private rodeo?  Ride ‘em cowboy, am I right, Bunny?”

“Hey Steve,” you scream back out the windshield.  Reaching in the back for Clyde’s leash.  

“Don’t start,” Frank groans, already irritated at your silence.

“Didn’t say anything.”

“They’re my friends.”

“Frank, I didn’t say anything.  Steve has seen us in much more compromising positions.  I seriously don’t care, okay?” He nods his head, but still stares at you, “Don’t make this a big deal, because it’s not.  I promise.  You want me to meet you with them after I walk the buddy?”

“Yeah, are you gonna be my personal nurse today?”

“Uh, maybe tonight.”

“Oh, really?”

“Mhmm, I’ll give you a thorough exam tonight, okay?  I’ll see you in a bit, cowboy,” the kiss the two of you give each other was much sweeter, and you open the door to let Clyde smell the smells, and get some much needed relief while Frank grabs his things and checks in.  

Watching everyone move about makes you slightly miss this.  The unpredictability of the rodeo, the people, the excitement, but you did enjoy your peace of mind at home.  Clicking your tongue at Clyde, you walk him further away from the horses and bulls.  Letting him hear them without being too close.

“Bunny!” You peek around your shoulder to see Bucky jogging over towards you, and you hold out your hands for a quick hug.  “This has been such a weird season without you.  How’s life been?” Faking a yawn, you pat your mouth with your left hand, letting him see the actual ring Frank had finally replaced your grandmother’s with.

“I heard.  It’s about time he quit playing games with you.”

“Yeah, he did good.  Now if I can get him to stop rodeoing long enough for us to build a house.  Oh, and this sweet boy is Clyde.  Clyde, this is Uncle Bucky, he’s the sweet one of the group.”

“He’s cute.  You settled for a dog until Frank knocks you up?”

“Settling for a dog until Frank and I build a house.  House, marriage, kids, and I’m not so sure how that’s going to work out considering this is his life.  Look at him,” you motion your head towards Frank, and your fiance had the biggest smile planted on his face as he talks to Steve.  “I forgot how the rodeo was his first love.”

“Aw, come on, Buns, he ain’t never loved anyone like he loves you,” you didn’t doubt that, you just hoped he loved you more than he loved the rodeo.  “You’ll just have to use the winnings this season to build a house quickly.  You got a wedding to plan.”

“We’ll probably have to get married at the rodeo.  At least I know he’ll smile in the pictures.”

“You okay?” You nod your head, giving him a fake punch to his shoulder, “What?”

“Any buckle bunny caught your eye?”

“I don’t want a buckle bunny.  I want someone I can settle down with.  I’m just using earnings to store away for a good life with a good woman.  I don’t want my own ranch, I’d love to partner with someone and work the ranch, ya know?”

“Bucky Barnes has goals, huh?  Bucky, I don’t know if any woman deserves someone as sweet as you.”

Steve swats at Frank’s arm, pointing over towards you and Bucky.  Laughing and cutting up.  Walking around with Clyde on a leash, and he looks back out at the ring, “You think he’s after my girl?” He squints into the sun, refusing to look towards Steve who starts laughing.

“Naw, Bucky is a good one.  But appearances matter here.  She may have the ring, but you don’t have anything claiming you to her.  Haven’t shown the circuit how you're the cock that she’s obsessed with.”

“How is she supposed to be claiming me?”

“Really?  Get you one of those big greasy hickies on your neck.  You got that camper, when it’s rockin’ don’t come a knockin’,” he shoves his elbow on Frank, starting to laugh.  “Oh come on, enough people see her with Bucky and a ring on her finger, he’s the hopeless romantic, who do you think they’re going to assume she’s engaged to?  By the way, we could save some money if we just slept in your camper.  Doesn’t the table turn into a bed?  We’ll wait until the camper quits moving.  Make sure she’s loud in the saddle, Frankie boy.”

“You’re trying to get me in trouble, aren’t you?  She’d die if she knew that you were sleeping above Clyde’s cubby,” Frank scratches the back of neck, knowing that you would in fact be ticked off with company in the camper.

“Just don’t tell her.  You bought the camper right?  To distract her from that ginger pussy you had that night,” Frank stands up straight, glaring at Steve, “What?  Oh, come on, she has to know about that.”

“No she doesn’t.  I didn’t tell her, she didn’t need to know.”

“You’re an idiot.  You know what city we’re in?  Have fun,” Frank pauses, looking around to where the usual buckle bunnies hang out, and thankfully there was no redhead.  “So, about us sleeping in the camper?  It would be great.”

“Yeah, just…don’t say anything to Bunny.  It’s not that important.  We weren’t even that serious then.”

“Okay.  You just got into a fight about her flirting with Bucky.  I see your eyes turning green because she is in fact with Bucky right now.  You know that man doesn’t want to be with her right?  Bucky has very specific qualities he wants in a woman.  Bunny ain’t it.  She can talk with him because they’re both romantic idiots.  Quit beating around the bush and marry the girl.  A camper and puppy won’t distract her for too long.  It’s all I’m saying,” Steve holds his hands out, walking away backwards from Frank who was left a bit more paranoid than before.  “Your funeral buddy.  Maybe get a bit injured and let her do all the work.  I know how much you like her riding you.”

“I’m not talking to you anymore.”

“You shouldn’t.  I need to get laid!” Frank rolls his eyes, resting his hands on the fence as he looks back at you.  He didn’t want to get mad at you being with Bucky.  Yeah you were smiling and laughing, but he knew what you looked like when you were in love.  He rolls his fingers over the fence knowing that this week was going to be an interesting one.  He just hoped things went the way he wanted them to go.

Clyde looks at the bull nervously, looking up at Frank when he backs away a couple of feet.  But you couldn’t stop staring at him.  He was in his element, confident and ready for this ride as Steve and Bucky get him tightened up.  “Bunny!” He screams at you, and you climb up the fence, “Need my good luck charm.”

With his left hand right under your breast, he crashes into your lips for a bruising kiss.  Sucking on your tongue, and making your breathless before pulling away too soon.  Giving you a quick wink.  You shouldn’t be as turned on by this as you were.  Not only did he look super sexy in his cowboy attire, he was claiming you in a sinful and public way.  Letting all the bunnies and riders know that the two of you belonged together.  

“Okay, boys!  Okay!” He screams, and the chute opens for his eight second ride.  You bend over to scoop Clyde up, and hold him close while you stare horrified at your fiance.  This part always made you nervous.  It was like a sick show watching him get tossed around, but when the bell chimes, and he’s able to get off safely from the bull, throwing his hat in the air, you start bouncing around, kissing around Clyde’s face.

“He’ll get a top score for that,” Bucky screams in your ear, but you are more excited about him not being hurt.  Waiting for him to climb the fence by you, and capturing your lips with his while the stadium watching.  It was one of the best feelings in the world.  A grand declaration that you were his.  

Maybe just maybe coming out this week wasn’t so bad after all.

“Frank,” you whisper, starting to sink lower down his body.  “Frank,” you pepper kisses all down his chest.  Stopping right over his low sitting boxers.  “It’s time to wake up,” sticking your tongue out, and pulling down his boxer briefs, you lick up his quickly hardening length.  “Frank, don’t you want me to ride you for your wake you call?”

“Bunny,” you let his underwear snap back on him, and he groans, sitting up, while you look over towards the table, and the two bodies that were sleeping there.  “You really going to give us a live show?”

“Steve?” You squeak out, and look down at Frank before looking back at your guests..  Your arms circling your bare chest for coverage.  “And Bucky, too.  Hey, Buck.  How did the table sleep?”

“It would have slept better if I didn’t hear you moaning in the middle of the night.  Frank, did ya start fingering her or something?” Steve stretches, sitting up to stare straight at yours and Frank’s bed, causing Clyde to crawl out from his bed under the table yipping at him.  

“I seriously forgot you two were here,” Frank yawns.  This is why you didn’t like being on the road.  Steve and Bucky usually weren’t too far away.

“Oh my god!  Out!”

“Buns.”

“Get out!  Out!”

“Bunny, it’s not a big deal.  I told them they could stay,” you weren’t in the mood.  You had just woken up, slept nude, and there was Bucky and Steve.  

“Steve, let's go,” Bucky starts to get up, giving you a quick look as he grabs his shirt from the floor.

“Grab the keys to the truck,” Frank motions to the counter, and the two of them leave.  The second the door closes, you’re jumping off the bed, grabbing out your clothes for the day.  “Bunny.”

“Frank, a bit of a head’s up would have been nice.  You have on clothes, I see.  I am completely naked.  They were feet away from us.  I came out on the road to spend time with you.  Not Bucky and Steve, but you.  You could have given me the same knowledge you had yourself, and let me put on some panties and a shirt.  Maybe not slowly fuck me from behind in the middle of the night.”

“Buns, they know we have sex.”

“Knowing we have sex, and being able to watch it are two very different things.  I just…do you even get what I’m trying to say?  My privacy was taken away from me.  Gone.  I deserved to know you were letting them stay.  I just feel violated,” he stands from the bed, and holds you softly in his arms.  Waiting until you wrap your arms around his waist, tickling his lower back.  “It’s just embarrassing.”

“I know, I should have said something.  They can sleep in the truck or get a hotel.  I’m sorry.  I am.  And I did forget they were in here, we’ve never had house guests before,” you lean back off his chest, with an exasperated sigh, and he gives a kiss to your nose, laughing.  “We got time for a quickie?”

“Nope.  You got that in the middle of the night.”

“Bunny.”

“You were on your way to getting a blowjob and some reverse cowgirl.  You’re the one that had to let them stay.  Enjoy your blue balls,” Frank says your name, backing you up to the bed, but you shake your head with a smile.  You weren’t caving in this time.  “No, Frank.  No!” You squeal as he lifts you over his shoulder.  “Put me down.”

“After I fuck you.”

“No.  Frank, you better not,” when he drops you on the bed, shoving his hands down your pants, you don't want to moan.  “Frank!”

“You’re drenched.  It’s not even fair.”

“I can take a cold shower and wash up.  Stop.  You’re gonna be late.”

“Let me play with you,” he presses two fingers into your warmth, and you grab tight to his arms.  “I’ll take the punishment of blue balls, but you were very horny making out with my cock.”

“Your cock never went into my mouth.”

“Bunny, just relax.  Enjoy this.”

“Tonight we go dancing?” He shakes head no, adding another finger.  “Tonight we will go dancing!”

“We can go dancing if you fuck me.”

“Your fingers are fucking me.”

He starts laughing, removing his fingers to pull down your pants.  His briefs get shuffled down enough to free his cock, and he slides into you.  “Do you ever get tired of fucking?  Can’t make it through the night without fucking me in my sleep.”

“You liked it.  Had your cream all over me.  Made a mess of your cunt,” you take a deep gulp, staring up at him.  “You are my messy little slut, huh?  I think I heard Steve mast…”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” you growl up at him.  You didn’t care what he heard coming from the other bed.  You didn’t want to know.  Ignorance is bliss.  You just needed to finish.  Head to the drugstore, just in case.  You hated when Frank would cum in you.  You guys weren’t ready for a baby, and you needed a backup plan.  Should have listened to Mindy when she said to get on birth control.  

“Frank,” you whimper, squeezing onto his arms.  His body starts thrusting into you harder.  He had to make it quick.  Didn’t want to make things too obvious.  You were supposed to be fighting.  Having a melt down at the two of them being in here.  

He brings himself completely out of you, before jamming into you with so much force it rocks the camper.  So much for being inconspicuous.  He loved making your body ‘buck’ with his movements.  Loved watching the way you became so weak with a need for him.  He starts making tight circles on your clit, “Go on, Bunny, come with me.  You’re almost there.  Squeezing me so tight.  You’re right there.  Right,” he lets out a hard moan as your walls constrict around him, and he blows his load deep inside of you.  

“I’m going to leave you in here to shower.  I’ll say we compromised by going out tonight, okay?” You give him a dopey smile, sitting up for a quick kiss, and he pulls on some clothes.  Leaving you alone to get ready for the day.  

He gives the cab of the truck a hard knock, and Steve and Bucky crawl out, “Yeah, you were gone a bit too long.  Still got it in, didn’t you?”

“What can I say, we can't keep our hands to ourselves.  Um…we’re going dancing tonight.  So, you can get you some action, and ya’ll can either sleep in the truck or get you a hotel room.  She’s not too happy about…well, she was naked.”

“She’s got a nice ass, but you really wanna go dancing in this town?” Steve asks with a crooked smile.  “You’re asking for a breakup.  Bunny is going to smell that desperate redhead from a mile away.  Have fun tonight.  I wouldn’t want to miss it.”

Frank forgot all about that for a moment.  There was a possibility that the redhead, who he still didn’t have a name for, barely could remember him herself.  He just knew that something had happened that he wasn’t too proud of, and he was going to let it stay in the past.  Hopefully.

“I’m going to get me something to drink, you want something?”

Frank pulls you in close to his body, giving you a dirty little kiss, while he holds up your hand, playing with your engagement ring, “Yes, just get me a beer,” turning to walk away, he gives you a swat on your ass, whistling.  

Frank heads back to the table, faltering a moment as he looks into the corner, and he’s looking straight ahead.  Don’t look.  Don’t engage.  Don’t acknowledge.  “Steve, we gotta get out of here.”

“I’m still looking.”

“Steve!” He tilts his head to the corner, and it was a mistake.  Redhead herself was walking over to him.  “Shit.  Shit.  Go tell Bunny to get us some rounds of shots or something.  Keep her busy.  Please, anything,” Steve glares at Frank, but heads over to your side.  

“Frank Adler,” the redhead saunters right up to him, grabbing at his buckle.  “I missed you.”

“You should leave.”

“Why?  Would it have something to do with your little bitch of a fiancé?  Wasn’t she the one you got in a fight with last year, and sought out my comfort?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.  You need to leave,” he side steps her, heading towards you, but you had already seen.  Tapping on Steve’s arm, and pointing over to them.  Frank was screwed.  He knew it, too.  “I really need you to leave,” he jogs around her, heading towards you, but before he even gets to the bar, you are walking away from him and this situation.

He jogs to catch up with you, screaming your name, but you need out of here.  Everything was closing in on you, and your ears ring with straight fury.  “Bunny,” he grabs at your arm when you get out of the door, and you smack him away.  “Bunny, baby, stop.  Let me explain.”

“No,” you start laughing, so you don’t cry, and all you want to do is scream.  “No, you don’t get to explain.”

“Buns, stop,” he yells as you start to walk away.  They could have the camper, you were going to stay in their hotel.  “Bunny.”

“Who is she?” Frank just stands there, and it pisses you off more.  “Who is she?  A buckle bunny, huh?  Not your bunny though, no.  That’s supposed to be me, you son of bitch!”

“Bunny, stop,” the audacity.  You needed Clyde, and you were going home.  Home to Montana, and you’d live with your parents for a bit.  Maybe finally get your dream of driving up the east coast.  “It’s not what you think it is.  Let me explain!”

“Then explain.  What was that?” He looks up at the sky, trying to collect his thoughts, which just piss you off even more.  He wanted to explain, but now he couldn’t.  “You can’t even fucking explain that.”

“Buns, we weren’t even together…officially.”

“W-w-what…what does that…what does that…oh my god, I’m going to be sick,” you start fanning your face, trying to think of when this happened.  The moment you met Frank, you were together.  “Officially?  What?”

“Don’t worry,” the redhead steps behind you, cocking her hip to the side, “He was a lousy lay.  Neither of us finished before he passed out.  I hope you have a nice life with a drunk limp cock,” you hated them.  Both of them.  You had been a fool.  All of this for nothing.

“When?  When, Frank?  When?”

He reaches out a hand to you, making shapes on your arm with his fingers, “Buns, you know when.  I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.  It didn’t mean anything.  I don’t even know her name, and we weren’t…we…Bunny, I’m sorry.”

“It was that night wasn’t it?  I knew you were off,” your lip trembles as you try to hold in your tears.  “You fucking slept with her, and you came to my bed and declared your love, and we became ‘official’ that night.  You accused trying to get with Bucky, and you got with some buckle chaser.  That’s rich.  That’s so like a man.  Justify your insecurities, by an argument, and then having sex with someone because I chose to walk away from that argument.  My god, we’re so fucking screwed, Frank.  I’ve begged you to get serious.  Live in a two by two camper with a dog, so we can save money.  I’ve put up with this schedule, and everything only benefits you.  Not me, most definitely not us.  I can’t…I can’t do this, I told you that night I can’t forgive cheating.”

“I didn’t.  Bunny, I didn’t cheat on you.  We were just fucking then.  But I couldn’t touch her.  She wasn’t you, no one will ever be you.  Bunny, I knew how much I loved you and couldn’t live without you in that moment,” the bare minimum.  He was saying the dumbest thing, and you are the idiot that is falling for it.  He had to feel the cunt of another woman to know just how much he loved you.

“Oh my god.  Did you use a condom?”

“Yes, I’m not fucking idiot.”

“You didn’t use one with me our first time.”

“You’re a nurse.  She’s a whore for the buckle.  Do you realize how many riders she’s probably been with?”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.  You slept with her, and then you were beating on my door, wanting to hold me all night long because you felt guilty.”

“No it’s because I.  Love.  You!  I screwed up, and I’m sorry.  I have been faithful.  I haven’t looked or touched anyone but you since that night.  I have…when we go back, you’ll…it was going to be a surprise, but they’re grading the property.  I know we kind of looked at houses, but…I want to build us our home.  I know the camper is shitty, it’s ours, but I want you to be happy.  I’m serious, it’s just you.  This…I didn’t want this tonight.  I wanted this week to reignite us again.  I screwed up.  I fucked up, but I want this…with you.  I’m — I’m gonna pull back, it’s been a good season, I can afford to.  We, me and you, baby.  We can afford for me to pull back.”

You want to believe him.  Want to think that he meant every single word.  And you did, until the last part.  Deep down you know Frank wasn’t going to pull back.  Down deep in your core you did not think Frank was going to quit rodeoing anytime soon, but the romantic part of you that wanted this relationship to work was louder.  You loved him.  And you weren’t officially together.  You had been sleeping together.  It went against everything in you, but you were willing to give him that one time.  

“They’re grading on the property?”

“Yes, baby.  They’re grading, I wanted to surprise you when we got back.  Got us a few options for houses.  We’re going to have us a home, and soon a marriage, and our little kids, and they can ride the sheep at the ranch.”

“No.  No, cowboys.  No rodeos for our kids.  I can’t worry about you and kids, Frank.”

“So we’re good?” You slowly lick your lips, contemplating what was the right move.  He didn’t lie.  He owned up to it.  You were just sleeping together.  Now you are engaged, it was different.  “Buns?”

“Yeah.  Yeah, we’re good.  We should relieve Bucky from puppy duty.”

“Bucky is probably asleep.  You wanna — just for old time’s sake go to the hotel, let him sleep in the camper with Clyde?” It was against your better judgment, but you nod your head, holding a hand out for him to take you to the hotel.  You just didn’t realize it was his plan all along.  The camper was in fact getting too small.  You were right.  And soon…your gut feelings would be haunting you.  You knew better than to ignore your intuition, but love is blind.

Next

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season​ @marveloustaylortot​ @pono-pura-vida​ @sstan-hoe​ @softsatnin​ @missusbarnes-rogers​ @peaches1958​ @seitmai​ @smile1318​ @andydrysdalerogers​ @cjand10​ @patzammit​ @lavender-annd-lilac​

[theoriginalnikegirl]

I'm finally to a point where im happy with ALL of my animorphs playlists so im making a new pinned post with all of them:

They are all (except one) in the vicinity of an hours length bc i made these to share and i feel like you should be able to listen to any of these in a single sitting, two tops. I feel like you'll be able to tell who's who but I'll provide brief (ish) explanations under the cut just in case you care

While there are six playlists above there is not one for Ax. This is because while Ax appreciates many things about human culture he canonically dislikes music and also I can't even begin to fathom what he would listen to if he did

Meanwhile, Rachel has two playlists. This is because she is my favorite character and I think about her most often. One of her playlists "the original nike girl" breaks my "in the vicinity of an hour" promise but it's also more vibes based than any of the other playlists and the only one that's meant to be listened to on shuffle.

Her other playlist "Dirty Work" is based around my understanding of Rachel's character arc: her death was pointed to in the opening pages of the series and the entire length of the series was an exercise in a whole hecking lot of people (crayak/Drode, Jake, David, Cassie & Marco to an extent, etc) gaslighting her about what kind of person she was so that we could all sit here and say "Oh bUt shE wOUldN't bE aBLe To fUNcTioN WitHOuT tHe wAr" which to be clear is *not more true of her than any of the rest of them*. Yes I will die mad about this.

In Marco's playlist "RUTHLESS" my idea was really to challenge the idea that he coped with the end of the war better than the rest of them. Like, just because his coping mechanisms are higher-functioning than Jake's or Tobias' does not mean he's doing well. The entire series Marco acts like he's fine with the stress of the war and the *whole thing* with his mom but he is pretty clearly never for a single second fine, and personally I don't think that would be any different after the war. And I think I really managed to convey that with the frenetic tempo of this playlist so im really stinking proud of it

Cassie's playlist "to save some lives" has Americana/bluegrass/gospel/folksy vibes and I managed to incorporate a lyrical motif across several songs of going to a body of water and drawing from it until it was dry which convinced me of an interpretation of Cassie's character and role on the team being (what the other animorphs see as) a bottomless resource of justification for their actions which we see when Jake demands she justify creating the auxiliarymorphs in 50 and she finally has to say "okay. Then it's wrong. But we're going to do it anyway" and how that energy might carry her as the only survivor of the war

Jake's playlist "Brother Against Brother" is part of my ongoing campaign to rewrite the beaver book bc CIVIL WAR IMAGERY IS PARTICULARLY SALIENT TO JAKE FOR A FREAKING REASON. Ahem. But I am fixated on how personal and immediate the stakes of the war are for Jake specifically because he literally shares a roof with the enemy.

And finally we come to Tobias' playlist "A Kind of Freedom" which gestures at my understanding of Tobias as someone who wants to be happy at the same time he as he wants to wallow. he wants to sit in his sadness. and he does. And I am not judging him here because I was the exact same way when I was his age (which makes his books very hard to reread now) because he, unlike me, was not afforded the chance to grow up and learn what it felt like not sit in his sadness. Anyways yada yada yada there's a reason he didn't answer when the Ellimist asked him if he was happy.

Anyway, if anyone's read all this, I hope you enjoy these playlists as well!

[twinkleallnight]

False truth

Book: TRR AU

Pairings: Drake x Riley, Drake x Olivia, Liam x Riley .

Word count:1020

Disclaimer: All characters belong to pixelberry.

Rating: Mature

Warning: mental health

A/N: Thanks a ton @lizzybeth1986 for holding my hand and bringing this to reality. This is a mini series of 6 chapters loosely weaved around themes for the days of drake-walker-appreciation week.

Prompt: Day 1: Appreciation for @drake-walker-appreciation week

"Good morning!" Her soft whisper and sweet kisses were the things Drake cherished the most.

He stretched his arms up in the air and then turned to her, taking her in his embrace. She giggled as he peppered kisses all over her face.

"I love you." She said with a kiss.

"I love you too." He replied and asked, "What are we planning today?"

" I am going to treat you to some of your favourite foods."

"And what's so special to recieve this treat?"

"Just cause I want to celebrate, us." She waved her finger between both of them. "You know what, being with you every moment is a celebration." She added.

"You flatter me. What did I do to get all of this?" He spread out his arms and threw himself back in the softness of the plush mattress.

She placed her hand on his chest and rested her chin on it. Looking into his eyes, she started, " You Drake Walker, you are the most wonderful person on this earth. You have been a loving son, a caring brother, the most loyal friend anyone could ask for."

He raised his brows. "Well, thank you but all these things don't relate to you and me. Tell me something exclusive about us."

She chuckled, "That list will be never-ending. You know how much I love you. You are the warm hearted person I always dreamed of."

Drake smiled listening to the praises. She cupped his face and continued, "You can read me so well. I don't have to utter a single word and you know what I want. You know it all. You are so devoted that I feel blessed. You never leave my side come hell or high water. You give courage, you give hope, you make living possible. With you around I am so carefree. You are always watching my back. I can be myself and I am who I am, because of you."

Drake covered her mouth with his fingers, "Enough! Do you want me to drown in the sea of these praises?"

She shook her head and moved his hand away to speak, "No, I want you to shine like a star in the nightsky."

"A star? I am not beautiful like a star."

She got up to kiss his head. "Sadly, you don't even know."

"Know what?"

"That you are beautiful inside and outside. . Your chestnut hair that falls over your forehead." She ruffled his hair and he chuckled. "Your twinkling brown eyes, this smile of yours that only I get to see. When you say my name in your rough and heavy tenor, my legs go jelly."

"Riley." He called out her name to tease her.

"Oh, please don't start it again."

"Riley! Riley! Riley!" He repeated with a kiss each time.

She started laughing. He responded with a hearty laugh. He didn't realise his voice was loud enough to cross the barriers of the wooden doors.

There was a knock on the door. "Drake? Are you awake, Drake?" The sharp female voice from the other side of the door sounded concerned.

Drake lost his grin but Riley kept smiling. He got up to open the door. He didn't want his rendezvous with Riley to end. If only…

The moment he unlocked the door, Olivia rushed in.

"Good morning, Drake. How are you today? Did you sleep well?" She asked in a single breath, scanning the room.

"Yes, whatever." He muttered and walked in behind her. He looked at his bed and frowned. Riley was gone. Again. As always.

"Were you talking to someone?"

" None of your business!" He snarled at her and stomped out of the door. Riley was gone, so there was no point to stay there.

Olivia's shoulders slumped in defeat. She looked at the tiny study table in the corner of the room. The letter she left last night was still there. It was out of the envelope. That means he read it. Then why would he not respond well? She walked down to it with heavy steps. She picked it up to check if she had made a mistake. She started reading her handwritten ode.

'Dear Drake,

I love you. And I have some plans for tomorrow. I am going to treat you to some of your favourite foods. Nothing special. I just want to celebrate, us, although being with you every moment is a celebration. Because, you Drake Walker, you are the most wonderful person on this earth. You have been a loving son, a caring brother, the most loyal friend anyone could ask for.' Her eyes welled up. She tried to peer through her watery eyes.

'And if i start talking about us, the list will be never-ending.'

A stray streak of water spilled out of her eye to land on the letter and blotted the ink. She turned away with a sigh. Her head hung low. She crumpled the paper in her hand.

She looked up at the mantle. Photos of them together in happier times looked like they were mocking her. She picked up one she had clicked of him, standing alone in the lythikos snow with the eggnog she had made for him. He was beaming at the lens. He looked so happy. She wiped the wetness from her cheeks, reminiscing about that moment. She touched his lips in the photograph and moved her fingers over his brown eyes. "I did as I was told. I poured out my heart to you Drake Walker in a hope that you will remember what we had. But you are still dreaming of a woman who doesn't exist. I wonder how long I will have to fight this lonely battle to get you out of your hallucinations.This struggle seems like never-ending. I miss you Drake. I miss you!"

She cradled the photo frame in her bosom and let the welled up emotions loose till she could do it no more. She won't give up though. She had decided she wouldn't. With a fresh resolution in her mind,she got up to go after him.

"Drake? Drake!..."

Tags: @3pawandme @alj4890 @angelasscribbles @bascmve01 @bebepac @busywoman @dcbbw @delmissesryan @harleybeaumont @iaminlovewithtrr @karahalloway @kingliam2019 @lovingchoices14 @nestledonthaveone @neotericthemis @mom2000aggie @phoenixrising0308 @princess-geek @sazanes @secretaryunpaid @sfb123 @sillydg @tessa-liam @tinkie1973 @txemrn @walkerdrakewalker @choicesficwriterscreations

Chapter 2 here

[thisworldisablackhole]

Sprawl Trilogy first impressions

God damnit, Gibson really did it this time didn’t he? The man really knows how to string you along and then ghost your ass mid dinner - dipping out of the bathroom window to leave you calculating the tip on your own.

Upon writing this, I have just finished Mona Lisa Overdrive, so I’m full of post-book emotions. Mona Lisa Overdrive took me the longest to read out of the 3 books. Part of that is due to the fact that I was getting distracted and spending full days writing posts on this blog about music and other stuff, and part of it is due to the fact that it is simply the most narratively dense book in the series.

After reading all three I have to say that Neuromancer is still my favourite. It had the most satisfactory ending by far, and perhaps the most cohesive vision. Count Zero is the only entry in the series that was kind of a dud for me. Upon finishing the trilogy, I think there is still some important world building information in that book that is worth revisiting, but the semi-boring characters mixed with all the weird heady spiritual stuff just didn't click for me. Not to mention the finale was much like when you try to pop a bubble on a sheet of bubble wrap and it sort of just softly squeezes out the air without making a sound. Virek going from being on the verge of unlimited power to completely ceasing to exist within the span of a few pages just made me go... "oh.... alright then".

Many people claim that Mona Lisa Overdrive is the best, and I can see where they are coming from, but I must admit I am just not a huge fan of the multi character perspective switching that happens between every chapter. Neuromancer still had it's fair share of innate complications that come from being based in a highly technological word (and written by an author who trusts the intelligence of the reader way too much), but it had a single driving perspective that was easy to stay engaged with. Count Zero caught me off guard with it's perspective shifting right away and it took me almost half the book to really pin down all the who what and where's to a point where I felt connected to each thread. Fortunately Gibson improved on this method of writing A LOT with Mona Lisa Overdrive. Even though he upped the narrative threads from three to four, the characters felt more fleshed out and were easier to connect with.

There is still so much I don't fully understand about the story. The end of Mona Lisa Overdrive wrapped up a lot of loose ends from the previous two books while simultaneously opening a pandora's box full of new questions and theories to explore. I do feel like Gibson added a bit of unnecessary information for the pure sake of complicating the plot and throwing you off balance, but it was nonetheless fascinating. Kumiko's entire involvement in particular was a huge question mark for me. Not to say I didn't enjoy her character. I loved the interactions between Kumiko and Colin. The whole idea of a handheld maas neotek personality construct that acts as a guide/companion that only she can see was really fun, but I kept waiting for her involvement in the whole switcheroo deal to make sense and then it turned out she was never really involved in that aspect of the story in the first place.

On that note, one of the beautiful things I learned to accept about Gibson's writing is that he loves to leave the reader in the dark. There were many times where I felt like an idiot for not fully understanding what was going on, only to have Gibson drop the answers straight into my lap in the last quarter of the book. I found reading this series a lot more enjoyable when I just relaxed and went along for the ride instead of asking questions. The knowledge and context you gain by the end of the books almost beg you to read them again, and that is why I refuse to do a full in depth review until that happens. I just can't do them justice until I fully understand.

[alexissara]

Fire Emblem Engage: One Year Later An Anniversary Of Mid

Fire Emblem Engage is now a year old and as a massive Fire Emblem fan I want to talk about it. Engage is a game I don't like and I am nothing if not a hater so I want to talk about it more about a year out since I think being a hater that goes beyond a boring critique of hair or anime bad is more valuable.

First let's talk about where I place it in the overall series.

I am going to dive into things in a lot of detail down below. Obviously everything is subjective, blah, blah, your reading my opinions, I don't really care about being "objective" so take what you want out of this. The TLDR though is that Engage is a game that fails in every single way, there is not one thing that it is particular amazing at but it is not the worst at any particular thing either. It's a text book mid game but in some ways I like it less then things I think are worse because the squandering of some decent concepts.

Designs

Mika is an extremally talented artist with a wonderful sense of design but even she questioned why they were hiring her to do a Fire Emblem game. While I like some of the designs of the characters as general characters designs but their almost all bad character designs for story telling, for explaining a deeper sense of character, for fitting into a war setting, for fitting a diverse range of ages or bodies, etc. I don't mind Alear's hair, I think red and blue hair makes sense, that's the enemy phase and ally phase colors, it's not terrible but the outfit is a bit too white. The designs in general are simply great designs for a silly little person but not great for the wider depth of characters not creating characters you could see doing a war. If the tone was different I could see these working but it need to lean far more into comedy or cheese then it does. I really don't have a lot to say here but it kinda just had to be the first thing to address. I like them more than the average person but I still don't love them. Like Etie is supposed to like be buff and stuff but she is a twig. Saphir is supposed to be pretty old but she looks fairly young. Mika's style simply doesn't blend well with Fire Emblem despite me loving Mika's work prior to this.

Story

This is the most often critiqued part of the Fire Emblem Engage experience that even people who love it typically concede and for good reason. The story of this game is a fairly simple and basic story structure. Hero awakes and must do their fate, mother dies, protag cries, they go on a journey to collect the plot items, they collect plot items but OH NO THE ENEMY HAS PUT A WRENCH IN IT! Then they build themselves back up, collect the items and murder the big bad. Along the way you get some angsty zombie stuff but it's cheap emotions, kids complicated relationships to their parents, a theme which you'd think maybe is one of the grander themes but really isn't touched on with Sombron and Alear/Vayel despite Sombron being the main baddy.

Alear has a minor story arc, Alear is scared but then Alear isn't scared only Alear basically always stepped up so the gameplay and the story don't intgrate well here, if Alear even had one map of running away when she shoulda fought and that is why they lost emblem rings or something it would have more solidly locked in "oh Alears character flaw is that she runs away but now she knows to stay and fight" or it could have been a contrast and been like "it's a good thing that Alear knows when to run" and separate Alear from other lords in the series.

The games plot is deeply uncurious aiming for the most simple solutions down to the point where Vayel doesn't have an evil second personality [which I mean is ableist but they still make you think that] it's actually mind control evil second personality. It turns out Vayle and Alear is just goddy good Fell Dragons and all the other ones were totally naturally evil and okay to kill I guess. Vayel could have had an edge to her, there could have been redemption for the "evil" part of Vayel that would be a far more complicated set of emotions and more interesting then no one needs to forgive her because actually every bad thing she did to everyone was evil mind control and every good thing is the real her.

Then there is the DLCs plot which almost makes Engages main plot look good taking you to an everyone is dead AU where everyone is fucked up cuz their zombies I guess or they just are like this in this world but also it only is interested in exploring the lords and the "good" versions of the bad quad with an addition of two new characters. Theirs an obvious twist villain but they try and just red herring you to think it's the girl twin instead of the boy twin who is more clearly evil by showing Nel do some things that seem evil out of context. It's fairly boring, it doesn't engage what it wants to hard enough, it presents it in some fucking awful map designs and it's place in the plot being able to show up before you met the vast majority of the characters actual selves means it's possible you come in with both an army that isn't fun to do the maps with and without a good set of emblem rings but you also have no idea why it should be shocking to see a character like this. It mostly makes me wish that they had instead of making this all DLC worked some of the complicated relationships between characters into the actual plot of the game and had some more fell dragons that were a bit more complicated but redeemable potential party members.

Thematically and politically I am at a loss at what it wants to say, it doesn't even seem to want to say like war is bad or something basic like that. The only recurring theme is like parent dies and that's sad and that is like true for most people and their parents but it's not a particularly well done version of that theme. It's not really about the bounds of friendship and love because like idk there is so few scenes where people overcome things with the power of friendship of love. Like there is some tension between evil coded country and the others but like those are resolved by the future queen having a divine dragon kink and will be good because she worships the good god.

Characters

Fire Emblems cast is kind of like the cast of a Disegea game, which I typically enjoy only not over the top enough nor in a game with a tone consistently silly enough to justify the wild over the top energy of the characters. Characters all have bits and this is true of many fire emblem games but it is more rare for basically every single character to have a bit that is pretty definitive to them rather than a character trait. They are designed and written like a vtuber in a lot of ways, their meant to be cute, for you to find your fav and for you to hyper focus on that one. Only unlike a Vtuber you can't hop on and invested dozens of hours a week watching Yunaka shout Zappy as she murders someone in a video game and banters with chat.

There is a layer of depth to the characters that explain why a character is like this TM but these things typically come at the end of an A rank support which leaves you to assume "This girl sure does talk a lot about tea" if your not rushing to A with someone or if you RNG into one where ya she's mostly just talking about Tea. Again there are characters that are like this in other Fire Emblem games but few characters get the cool join situations, the cool moments in the story to really make you invest that deeply into them since the game is really focused on these lords and doesn't have a lot of interesting recruiting given every character is a lord or a servant of a lord. Not to mention that depth is usually not that deep like it's more like finding a foot bath in what you found thought was just someone spilling water rather then going into a hot tub of complex lore, character drama, and passion.

I did enjoy the characters for my time with them like a light hearted kids animated show where I go "aww these guys are fun" but like one of those I don't really think about the characters after. I enjoy when I see art of Yuanaka or the Racket of Solm fan art, I go "Oh I like those girls, their neat" but I never feel like "OMG Yes, let's fucking go!!!!!" like I do for many other characters in many other pieces of art.

Then in terms of the villains Sombron is paper then with a random new motive at the very end that is utterly uninteresting. The four hounds are fun enough characters since their allowed to be a little complicated but their also as an enemy on a map over staying their welcome for the amount of times you put swords into their bodies lealthy. The four hounds then feel under cut by the "good" versions of them that exist in the DLC which are basically what if they were boring, they are the good versions. Evil Vayel as mentioned earlier is boring because she's just mind control evil and not a real person. There is very few enemy of the map type enemies to think about and the ones that do exist are paper thin, your not going to get a stand off with a commander that you feel complicated feels about having to kill here.

Then we got to get into the endings, the lack of paired supports give everyone a static boring ending unless Alear wanted to give them a special friendship bracelet which totally doesn't mean romance HAHAHA alear doesn't want to date children or married men HAHAHA pay no attention to the man behind the mirror. It strips agency from the player, the translation no romos several romances with Alear that should be totally fine anyway, their just extremely poor at creating a sense of what you did to the world after you saved it because the world was perfect basically except Sombron was a dick. The characters don't feel like they grew in their little ending bits for the most part it's kidna like they went on to do what you'd expct them to do.

Then there is the emblem rings which are given fairly shallow interactions that range to them being pretty out of character to them saying a one line joke to them saying "remember that thing from my game." The shallow level of interaction with the rings is really unfortunate but also fortunate because it meant they didn't write a ton of these characters. They still feel like they should have beena bigger deal and been a bit more involved in the plot as well as having some deeper relationships with characters.

Also you get two fucking dragons on your team both of whom can't turn into dragons, there are these hot older women who are capable in battle but can't get recruited for the cause because I guess their not young and fuckable, there is so little interest in the world of this game outside of lords and their servants [which is a flaw in a lot of modern FE], why the literal child soldiers like Anna, there is a lot of frustrating character choices that could have been done better.

Presentation

I think the graphics are good, I think they look pretty, I like bright colors in my eyeballs and it works for me. I think graphically it's a clear step up from houses, the places look very beautiful. They make a fairly uninspired choice of diving the game into 5 themed regions with a kinda similar design principle across the maps Flower, Mountainy, Evily snow, Sand, really evil. This does take away from a kinda unquie feeling to each place you go but they don't look bad.

Music wise, the opening theme is dumb, I like it but it's corny and clearly gonna be divisive but it suits the game that it is for. As music in the game goes though it's fine, it's a fine soundtrack of fine songs that are fine. Only a few songs are really bangers though and a lot of the music doesn't stand out to me a year later I can basically just think the opening theme and the engaging an emblem remix. I am actively trying to recall another song as I write this and I end up just getting the Three Houses Monastery music in my head instead.

The animations I will simply give full marks too, the animations after many years after the GBA finally don't look bad. Crits look cool, the engage attacks look cool, there is some coolness to be had there where the more real and grounded animations since Gamecube were never my favorite. Great job engage, I hope the series keeps it up.

Gameplay

People talk about Fire Emblem Engage's gameplay being the best in the series but it really isn't and it's not like stunning SRPG design in general. Perhaps if your looking for a challenge the maddening experience is some sort of revolution but the average player of any video game will be playing on the "normal" mode which is by default the intended mode. The game features mechanics that one might think is for grinding but utterly fail at that, the loading screens between managing things make the act of building characters tedious and annoying, the mini game gameplay that optimize maps is awful, the way you can spend resources for cosmetics that you can't use in battle is awful, the lack of little touches to the smithing system like being able to alter or name your weapons is bad. These are all gameplay, these aren't the maps but there part of playing the game and while you can in future runs maybe ignore most of these things you will likely experience some of these and some things were stream lined with patches but these patches will go away and eventually getting supports between characters will go back to being fairly annoying.

Then we can talk about the beloved maps and engaging. The gameplay using the skill system is utterly flawed with the SP being so poorly distributed makes building characters utterly prone to accidently wasting SP and not being able to get a build on that character that will feel good for the rest of the run. This effects gameplay in maps as does the fact you only have two slots for said skills making for fairly small amounts of build possibilities for the wide swath of options you get especially if you get the DLC. The map design doesn't present the fun diverse set of objectives an SRPG is capable of with most maps being kill the boss or kill all the things. They do present different little map gimmicks and they do make some of the maps good but the maps fail in the biggest way that a map can in an SRPG which is to be narratively uninteresting.

I could make a whole article about the sin to the world that is Xenologue 5 which is a top contender for worst map in all of Fire Emblem. In general the Xenolouge maps really are a perfect exercise and exposing the magic of the pretty lights of Engage and going "Oh this game is awful".

It's boring to fight the same 4 dudes. Your so rarely put up against someone new and neat and the characters you are fighting don't grow much until their about to actually die. The repeating four hounds fights creates a dissonance where your people permanently die if they lose in battle but you can't get the kill on these people your doing 1000 flashy attacks on. If you can enjoy a map in isolation perhaps these maps are good, great even but it doesn't fix the issues.

The Bonus Content TM

I talked about the stuff in gameplay but I want to reiterate that the bonus parts of the game are in fact a part of the gameplay.

First off we got costumes which are utterly frustrating even outside of being locked to the hub world. The clothes are gender locked where boys where boy clothes and girls where girl clothes expect Rosado who is a special femboy and in no way a dirty tranny we make fem boys not dirty transgenders in Fire Emblem [this is sarcasm, I am trans] who gets to wear girl clothes. Never mind Jade wearing more masculine clothes in her casual outfits if she had to chose between a butler or a maid outfit clearly she'd pick to be a kawaii maid. The only kind of gender deviation being allowed in the random costumes even for Alear being the femboy fetishist at IS's pet project is pretty pathetic. Also pathetic is the gender lock applying to the amiibo lord costumes which in addition are also even more limited only being wearable by lord characters and only lords of the right gender even if Lucina clothes are mens wear their only for women and very special bloodline women. Then all of this taking resources simply damages the game further.

The mini games include a Rhythm game with no Rhythm as if Fire Emblem has no amazing songs to be playing a work out mini game to. We have a flight sim on rails shooter thing but no enemies or added depth. A fishing game that is a fishing mini game. These are boring to passable but they all give you benefits from doing them so if you wanted to truly optimize you'd need to do them between every map.

Then there is the "interactive" bonus elements talking to people at Somnel and post map, inviting people to dinner, sending people to do an activity together. I've avoided comparing this game to Three Houses until this point but I have to here, Three Houses and Engage started development at roughly the same time so Engage had many more years in development but each and every one of these things are far less in depth then in Houses. There is no voice acting for these sections, unlike houses where every map you have new voiced interactions with every character some of which are dynamically tied to choices you made you get mostly rotating lines with a few people interjecting a text box of almost nothing of value. There is no special bonus conversations for sending people to work together who might have something to say to each other. The meals and creepy bed time interactions are voiced but the interaction between characters is very limited and the lines are pretty repetitive only working with an RNG system of if the food is shit or not which is only annoying. The bedtime interactions of someone waking you up are totally RNG based meaning a character you hate might come wake you up and you have to here about the Alpaca hero and they change when you raise up supports with them meaning each special voiced interaction with sleeping requires you to go out of your way to do something of no value to hope you RNG into the character you like saying a few words less you accidently support them and miss a piece of dialogue. It feels cheap, it feels bargain basement, it feels undercooked.

The grinding here kinda feels like it wishes it was Scared Stones but the pay off for climbing the grind in this game isn't exclusive post game characters, exciting special weapons but some orbs for an optional upgrade system randomly given to you so maybe you can upgrade the weapon you want but maybe not. The bound rings gacha is not an indepth system that is fun to play with. It's just another place where things feel super under cooked despite the long development cycle on this game.

Final Thoughts

Talking about the game I actually feel a lot more negative on it then when I put together the little list at the top or when I wrote an Anniversary of mid, I kinda just feel like actually it's just bad but like it's probably mid and not bad and I am just impassioned writing all my complaints. This is a game that had a ton of potential but I feel squandered it at every opportunity.

I wish I liked Engage, I Wish I liked Fates, but if this is the direction that IS is taking their games when their the primary devs of Fire Emblem I am just not gonna buy IS developed Fire Emblem games because ultimately I got way more physic damage playing these games then I got joy. Fire Emblem is my favorite game series, the one I would say I am actually part of the fandom of and I want to love every new entry, to be hype, to fall in love, to gamble on my phone for little jpegs but I'm just not here with this.

I think Engage presented cool new ideas like the Break System which I think is great and should return but in general I fear this direction. I'd love to see something akin to Engage skills with some flashy over powered stuff. I like how these these interact with the core mechanics and I think their fun additions to the formula.

I just hope this one year anniversary set of thoughts is enough to free me of my Engage demons and I can just never think about it again and go onto playing fan games, rom hacks and replaying older games I enjoy along with new Indie SRPGs leaving this behind to simply exist for the people who love it.

If you enjoyed this look back at Fire Emblem Engage and you want to help me play more Fire Emblem or other SRPGs then Patreon and Ko-fi are a great way to support me so I can afford to talk about queer art and stuff.