#often I’m told people thought I was Asian

[valerieismss]

Recently learned someone at my college

A) Doesn’t like me because I said I thought he might be exaggerating about some outlandish claims so while I didn’t think he was lying I’d only take them with a grain of salt

B) Is Chilean and knows I’m Peruvian and talked about the beef between Peruvians and Chileans and how it’s stupid (F Chileans viva Peru 🔥🔥🇵🇪🇵🇪🦙🦙🦙🇵🇪🇵🇪🔥🔥)

C) Called me white (only half true) because I was brought up in a discussion about white hispanics on campus By A White Hispanic who is my friend…I’m quite hurt by this. Like what the hell dude. Why are you discussing my race to other people that’s weird + I’ve told you I’m mestiza and this guy is mestizo too. I am more white-passing but come onnnnnnnnnnnnn you know I’m insecure about it too.

[theonion]

Describing himself as “open-minded” and “very willing to try new things,” 48-year-old law firm partner Richard Bogan told reporters Saturday that, as unconven­tional as it may sound, he’s actually quite receptive to the idea of dating 25-year-old women.

“I know we wouldn’t have very much in common and would probably have completely different values, but I think those are obstacles I would be able to overcome,” said Bogan, who added that after giving the matter a lot of thought, he had to admit the concept of getting involved with an attractive woman in her mid-20s very much appealed to him. “While you might think I’d be embarrassed to be seen with someone young enough to be my daughter, at this point in my life, I’m comfortable enough with who I am not to care what people think about me.”

“I’m not saying it’s for everybody, but for me personally, if the opportunity came along to engage in a romantic relationship with a woman just a couple years out of college, I’d be willing to give it a shot,” Bogan continued. “But hey, that’s just me.”

Bogan said he was “fully aware” there were many differences between himself and 25-year-old women, citing, in particular, their youthful temperaments, taut figures, and the more trendy, revealing clothing they often wear. However, despite such generational dissimilarities, Bogan confirmed he would still consider going out with someone that age.

In fact, Bogan stated he would likely be “totally fine with it,” even if the young woman were Asian.

[ecargmura]

Dandadan Episode 12 Review + Final Thoughts - You're Ending It Like That?

The way this ended was absolutely FOUL! What do you mean I have to wait until July for season 2? Like you can’t just end it there and say “See you in about seven months!” What a way to get people hyped for the next cour yet so evil too.

Basically, the finale is about the aftermath of the Taro and Hana situation with the kids prostrating to Seiko to allow Hana to stay in the Ayase residence. That way, Taro can sneak out at night and visit his love. The way he does it is so hilarious because he just runs even when there are students in sight; the sight of him taking the train got me chuckling. He was able to make it back despite getting dissembled due to a truck that did not isekai him. It also turns out that the shining ‘ball’ on Taro wasn’t Okarun’s ball but a Christmas ornament. This part was hilarious but it’s cute to see how devoted Taro is to Hana. I’ve also noticed that these minor spirits like the Mantis Shrimp play some sort of role later on, so I get this feeling that the same might apply to Taro and/or Hana.

The episode then transitions to Okarun, Momo and Jiji going to Jiji’s house to see what the source of the curse is. Also, I’m convinced that Jiji’s energy is a mix of being an extrovert and also sleep deprivation because that guy cannot sleep properly and is probably trying to fight it off by being as silly as possible so no one would worry. Regardless, Jiji and Okarun actually do get along well as Jiji is open-minded and accepting. This makes Okarun feel more insecure because his love rival is a good guy and it would make it harder for him to win Momo’s affections. 

To be honest, I think their friendship and rivalry is adorable. Okarun doesn’t have male friends because of the constant bullying he got from other boys in school, so it would be nice if Jiji becomes his first friend. Momo is so nice for wanting them to get along hence why she left so the two can bond. I don’t remember the last time I saw two guys childishly fight over a girl they both like. Usually, male rivalries are full of silence, but it’s nice to see them express their mutual love for Momo and be petty about it too. Like I said before, it’s like a gender-bent version of two girls realizing they both like the same guy and fighting over it.

Before moving to the Ayase’s, Jiji used to live in a small town in the mountains. His father is a researcher who studies volcanoes and works at a nearby university before his hospitalization. Jiji’s energy makes so much sense given that mountainous areas are steep, so you have to be athletic or full of stamina to survive. Jiji has the energy and the stamina to climb three flight of stairs while Momo becomes exhausted and Okarun just dies. Though, the townspeople are creepy, especially the ones spying on the kids. The men are especially creepy with how they get into the same bath as Momo and are trying to assault her. *sigh* Momo has terrible luck when it comes to creeps…

But yeah, I do wonder what that weird foyer’s deal is…and that answer will have to wait until Summer. Did you know that in Western countries, fall is considered spooky season while Asian countries consider summer to be spooky season? Ghost stories are often exchanged or told in the summer, which makes absolute sense why Dandadan, a paranormal and supernatural show would return for the summer—it’s to fulfill the spooky vibes.

Final Thoughts

Dandadan was definitely the hit show for this season. Everyone keeps talking about it whether it be positively or negatively. I can see why it’s so popular. Not only is it a Jump title, but it has the ‘anime’ feel to it as it mixes action and zaniness in one. It’s not realistic and it doesn’t have to be—it’s just something fun to look at and enjoy.

I like the unique batch of characters this story has. What I like most is that they’re essentially gender reversed versions of the shounen character tropes. While Momo and Okarun share the role as co-protagonists, both are written in a way that they have traits that are normally reserved for characters of the opposite gender. Momo is blunt, abrasive and has a rude way of speaking, which is normally seen in male shounen MCs, but she also has a heart of gold and that is what attracts people to her. Okarun is a shrinking violet who Momo helps out one day and they become fast friends despite their differences in beliefs. Okarun would be the quintessential shy love interest who develops a crush on the MC and makes it their entire personality, but he does have a personality outside of Momo, which is a good thing, and his crush is used to help him grow and develop. Aira, Jiji and Seiko are unique too! However, I also like that they give personality to the supernatural creatures they encounter like Turbo Granny, Acrobatic Silky, etc. Usually, these sorts of villains would just be textbook evil for the heck of it or just throwaways, but the story does take time to let the readers know what sort of people they are underneath. Turbo Granny protects the souls of girls who died tragically in the tunnel; Acrobatic Silky was once a mom who had a daughter but failed to protect her; Mantis Shrimp was only a villain because he needed to help his son Chiquitita.

The voice acting is really good! Dandadan is one of those Jump titles that uses little new faces and more veterans. The only new face in the cast is Shion Wakayama, technically. Yet, she nails Momo so hard that it’s hard to believe that she started off voicing quiet, shy girls. Everyone else does a splendid job as to be expected of professionals. The English dub also does a spectacular job. I still can’t believe they got Kari Wahlgren and Barbara Goodson to return to anime dubbing. It’s amazing what a good production can do!

Though, I do like the animation and music the most when it comes to this anime. The animation is just so fluid and I really like how Science Saru takes time to give movement to each shot. I also like the music too! The piano score from Episode 7 really gets to me. Whoever did the music needs a raise, ASAP.

I guess a few gripes I have is that Dandadan is aggressively the most Japanese show I’ve seen this season. What I mean by that is that Dandadan does fall victim to the usual anime cliches at times, but it’s not an entirely bad thing. I just feel like some things in it are typical of animes like the unsightly scenes of the first and final episodes to action-packed scenes reminiscent of classic anime shows. People on social media do like to say that there are other cultural influences in Dandadan, but I disagree. Dandadan is very, VERY Japanese from the talk about supernatural powers to Japanese people’s views on aliens. I won’t get into too much detail as I am not Japanese myself, but it is one of those shows that could work in a Western setting, but it wouldn’t have the same flair.

Overall, Dandadan is a show I would recommend to people if they want something fun to watch without thinking too much into it. My brother is always telling me to read the manga as he says it’s better, so I might check out the manga if I get the chance. Let me know your thoughts on the finale and the anime as a whole!

[blueshistorysims]

May 16th, 1942, Henford-on-Bagley, England

Miranda quietly turned thirteen on a Saturday. She hadn’t wanted a party of any sort, much to the disappointment of Amalia, who thought turning thirteen would be the greatest thing to ever happen to her. Uncle Byron and Aunt Eleora didn’t talk about it, but she knew it was a hard day for them. Her mother after all had been Eleora’s childhood best friend. 

Lydia Leung had come from London to live with them since December, arriving the day after the United States joined the war. They weren’t friends, mostly due to the four-year age difference, but also because she spent all her time with Simon-Elliot. Miranda suspected the pair were dating, but she knew she wasn’t one to say anything. Her own feelings on love were a complex matter. 

She was quiet, still wearing black for her younger brother who’d died six months ago. Eleora tried her best to talk to her, but she knew it was up to Lydia to come out of mourning. When Simon-Elliot came home in July, Miranda was sure Lydia would lighten up. Or at least not isolate herself so much.

In September, Miranda would join her at the preparatory girls’ school Bramblewood College, also located in Henford County, where they would be the first students of Asian descent to attend the school, though Miranda knew the rather large donation from the Duke and Duchess of Feldsbury and their admission were not coincidences. 

“I know you didn’t want a party, dear, but we are still having a nice dinner with cake,” Eleora greeted when she entered the sitting room, setting down her book. 

“I’m surprised you’re not asking why I’m up so early.”

“So is Lydia. And the first night of having your own room is always an adjustment.”

“I’m very glad not to share a room with a toddler.”

She chuckled. “I think we’ll renovate the house when we win the war. Nurseries are a bit of a thing from the past, no?”

“You sound confident we’ll win the war,” Miranda mused, sitting next to her. 

“When the Americans entered the war back in 1917, it changed things. The morale was a complete turnaround. Your father once told me that he’d never been so happy to hear a foreign accent in his life when they arrived in France.” She smiled. “And I like Americans. Much more fun and far less stuck up.”

Eleora noticed Miranda’s sullen look and pursed her lips, concerned. “What is it, Miranda?”

“...Isn’t today hard for you? My mum died today. And I have so many confusing emotions, I barely know what to say or think.”

The older woman sighed. “Of course I miss your mother. She was my best friend. We did everything together. It was a lot like you and Amalia. Joined at the hip.” She paused. “Well, we did other things too.”

Miranda looked at her. “What do you mean by that?”

She frowned. “There’s something you want to tell me, yes?”

“Yes.” The teenager couldn’t deny it. “I… think… I—I’ve never had an interest in boys. I never understood Amalia’s fascination with Hollywood stars, but I’m lucky enough to be raised by people who aren’t ignorant about things society doesn’t speak of. More so that I’ve gotten to be intimate with women who I understand completely now.”

“Are you telling me you’re a homosexual, Miranda?”

“Yes.”

An emotion Miranda did not recognize appeared on her godmother’s face. Eleora’s eyebrows knit together, almost as if she were reminiscing over something that brought her great sorrow. Finally, she sighed and turned to look directly at Miranda. 

“You know, I had my first kiss when I was fourteen, about to be fifteen. It was with a girl—your mother, shortly after her thirteenth birthday. We were each other’s first everything really. And in university, we lived together.”

“My mother had homosexual leanings?”

“Your mother often had many romantic dalliances with men and women, but sexually? She preferred women, so when she and your father began to see one another in a romantic and sexual sense, I was quite surprised.”

“...Did my father know?”

She nodded. “There’s a lot of things you children don’t know about, and even though you’re a teenager now, I still think you’re too young to know everything.”

“You can’t say that and then tell me I’m too young to hear it.”

“In time, Miranda.”

“Was my father always like that, even before my mother died?”

“No. When I first met him, I thought him to be very stubborn and passionate, but also kind and very funny. He was a flame that burnt out too quickly, and I think he loved too much, and that’s why he was driven to such despair, on top of his melancholia.”

Miranda’s memories of her father were few, and even fewer of them were times when he was happy. She hadn’t known it was a suicide until she was ten since they had told her he’d died of a broken heart. He had died of a broken heart in a way, his grief consuming him until it led to his death. 

“Now Miranda,” Eleora began, “I am so happy that you’ve decided to tell your feelings, and I want you to know that I understand, and I have been in your shoes. I want to ask what you want to do. Would you like to tell the rest of the family, including your Aunt Elspeth, or would you rather keep things quiet?”

“Quiet,” the teen said firmly. “I’m not ready to tell everyone yet.”

Eleora stood up, nodding. “Then this conversation will just be between you and me, yes?”

“Yes,” Miranda answered, also standing up.

“Now come here so I can hug you, birthday girl,” her godmother insisted, pulling the girl into a tight embrace. 

Miranda happily hugged her back.

beginning/previous/next

[nickeverdeen]

hello!! i'd like to request a romantic matchup for tlou 2 and arcane pls (suggestive is ok too). i'm a lesbian so women lol

my pronouns are they/she. i've got long dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, and fair-ish skin (southeast asian so a light tan?). i'm about 5'2" and chubby/on the larger end of mid-size; top heavy lmao. my facial features are on the softer side, and i've been told i have a youthful face. i tend to dress more fem though i sometimes go more androgynous. my style is kinda all over the place- sometimes [tiktok] twee, sometimes downtown girl, y2k, shoujo girl, etc. i like taking inspiration from a little bit of everything and don't necessarily label my style. overall, i usually gravitate towards more fun but cool looks. i like denim, trim/frilly details, fun prints and patterns, plaids, juxtaposing elements, etc.

as for my interests and hobbies, i enjoy fashion (styling and some designing), music (listening, singing/karaoke, collecting CDs!! i used to play viola and would like to learn guitar), horror (games, analog horror, args, grotesque art?? think like ethel cain, bones and all, etc idk), and DIY (i like to make phone charms and i'd like to get into polymer clay to make hairclips, trinket dishes, etc). i'm into artists like mitski, phoebe bridgers, ethel cain, wisp, big thief, hikaru utada, sheena ringo, tommyfebruary6, artms, yena, etc (i really like music and in my dream world, i'm the vocalist/guitarist in a small band lmaoo). i was a big reader as a kid and have a collection of books at home. not too much of a reader nowadays, but i wanna get back into it eventually. love the rain and storms, and late night drives with friends!!

my personality is kinda on a spectrum. i'm on the more reserved side, but i'm very open to meeting people and i'd like to think i'm friendly. sometimes chill and laidback and sometimes bubbly- especially around friends. i've been told i'm very easily amused, and i'm also a little spacey and jumpy (sigh). kinda a major yapper in writing, but in real life interactions, i'm more the type to listen and nod along to the conversation. though i will yap and am, admittedly, just a tad annoying sometimes. i like teasing people and joking around. i also deal with depression, and have a bad habit of dropping off the face of the earth and bed rotting for days at a time (not good!! i should probably go back into therapy lol). my love language in quality time and (theoretically, if i found someone who would reciprocate) physical touch.

anyways, i hopefully didn't write too much and it's readable ;; thank you <33

I know I’m late and I’m sorry

Your The Last of Us 2 match is…

Dina

Dina would constantly borrow your clothes for her casual-but-edgy looks and gush over how you style yourself

She’d love listening to you sing, especially in moments of downtime—she might even join you for karaoke

Dina would be endlessly entertained by your jumpy reactions to scares and would (playfully) spook you when she could

On days when depression hits hard, she’d bring you little surprises—flowers she found, a new horror movie, or a snack she knows you love

Late-night drives? Dina’s game, blasting music and laughing until your cheeks hurt

She’d support your dream of learning guitar, offering to scavenge strings or help tune it

Dina would always encourage your DIY projects, even if it meant holding up clay hairclips to “model” them

She loves rainy days with you, cuddling under blankets and swapping stories about life before

Dina teases you back just as much but has a soft spot for your thoughtful, quiet moments

Your Arcane match is…

Vi

Vi is protective, always throwing her arm around your shoulder when walking together, especially through rough areas

She’s fascinated by your horror interests and would (begrudgingly) sit through analog horror videos, trying not to get freaked out

Vi would often call you “short stuff” just to rile you up, but she secretly loves your height difference

She’d encourage you to belt out your favorite songs during late-night walks through the Undercity

Vi would spar with you playfully, insisting it’s “self-defense training” when it’s really just an excuse to be close

She’d admire your DIY projects, especially when you make her custom trinkets—she keeps them all

On your off days, Vi would climb into bed with you and stay there until you felt better, teasing you into a smile

She loves the juxtaposition of your bubbly, spacey personality with her more grounded energy—she calls it balance

Vi would scavenge vintage finds for you to add to your wardrobe or crafts

[gatheringbones]

[“My coming-out phone call to her came at a strange time—strange in its lack of any particular precipitating event. I did not tell her I was bisexual because I’d just discovered the fact myself; I’d known for some time in the back of my mind. I did not tell her then because I had a girlfriend or even a wild fling. (At the time, I hadn’t even had sex with a woman.) I was not worried about being outed or of outing myself through my writing yet—this was many years before I was published. I told her simply because I thought she ought to know. I remember spending most of the conversation trying to convince her that bisexuality was not a “new thing” with me. What was new was the concept of telling her about it, of “coming out” itself.

I was used to being an “invisible minority.” As half-Asian, I have always passed for Caucasian. As a tomboy growing up, I often passed as a boy. I was used to being things that were counter to people’s assumptions. What had never occurred to me before was that I should announce that I was different. I felt rather secure in my self-knowledge and in my identity, and yet, once I was introduced to the concept of “coming out,” by osmosis through the Lesbian/Gay Student Alliance, I began to worry that, by not formally declaring the pieces of my identity, I was, oh god, in the closet. I was very uncomfortable with the notion that allegiance to a label was necessary in order to be myself. (You should have seen how I battled the Asian-American label that Asian-American student groups continually fought to stick me with.)

And yet I made the phone call. I don’t know if the phone was the wisest choice, or if my timing was well-considered. My mom was suffering some degree of separation anxiety at that point, of course, and I’m sure my news exacerbated any paranoid thoughts she’d been having about all the wild and terrible changes that college was sure to wreak on her daughter. But it was my own sense of the sudden gulf between us, of the distance that collegiate nest-leaving creates, that gave me a sense of urgency. I needed to do it sooner, rather than later—by phone, if necessary. She needed to know this fundamental thing about me now, before her image of me got too gilded by memory, before the intimacy of eighteen years’ living together was lost. I could not live with the idea that if I waited to tell her a year later, she’d decide that she had never really known me—that a stranger had lived in her house all her life.”]

cecelia tan, from picture this, from a woman like that: lesbian and bisexual writers tell their coming out stories, 2000

[phantomram-b00]

If you’re Latine/Latinx who don’t know how to speak Spanish. That’s okay, you’re still Latine/Latinx.

So since it the last day of Hispanic heritage, and honestly I wish I was more participle with this month as an Hispanic. I’ll try to do that next time, I think honestly I just really don’t know what to exactly post, but then I had a thought. Something I wish I had someone tell me back then. So I want to talk about it in honor of Hispanic heritage month, sorry if I did this on the last day, I’ll do better next time. But for now, I wanna share just a small story while also showing encouragement, so hope you like it.

So, If you go on my introduction post, I noted that I’m Puerto Rican and also, that I don’t know how to speak Spanish. Ironic/silly isn’t it? It even more so considering mostly all my family speak Spanish, so your a question that your asking is “didn’t your folks teach you?”. Well, haha about that, you see I’m not gonna reveal anything super personal, all imma say to give context is that I couldn’t talk until I was exactly five years old; so my mom kinda had no other choice but to teach me English. So most of my childhood that was the only language I learn.

Now probably also wondering “well, you learn English? didn’t you have Spanish class?”, yes I did, in my state at least, the require language to learn was Spanish (which imma reveal a very silly funfact: I thought because of movies/show the require language was French because all they learn was french.), so as a kid I wanted to learn; only, people there already were very advantage in Spanish, a lot better than me, (small context: in my state, majority of the people are more Spanish speakers, let me clarify I’m not saying this is bad since I do love Spanish. I’m just clarifying to provide context) and not only that, the spanish at least I was taught were completely different than the Spanish I know with my folks. So as a kid, it made me really insecure about my Spanish skills, like sure I knew some basic and whatnot but I couldn’t and still can’t speak fluently like my folks. So overtime, I got insecure about my identity too. It got to the point that I wasn’t proud to be Hispanic, because back then a thought that would play was “what’s the point if I can’t even speak our basic language?”. This wasn’t to say I didn’t love being Puerto Rican or Puerto Rico as a whole, I love being Puerto Rican and Puerto Rico, I just felt in a way, I’m not worthy to call myself Puerto Rican if I couldn’t speak Spanish. I still remember a teacher even told me that “it kinda is your mom fault for not teaching you” and it boy if that didn’t make me more self conscious. (There was more, but I’m not comfortable revealing them just yet. So maybe next time my ghostly pals)

But then, I remember, 2020, I watched Emirichu’s video about her Asian experience. And it help me feel emotional, because while my parents didn’t move form Puerto Rico to America (that goes to my grandma), like Emily, I had this big disconnect from my Puerto Rican roots and often feel envious when others spoke better Spanish than me. And not only that, I did at some point and like mention I felt embarrassed so I convinced myself say “oh I can never like tostones” or “I’m definitely going to feel more of an outside if I ever visit Puerto Rico one day” or even “I might as well not try, it already too late”. But, the video let me know I wasn’t alone. And even seeing comments under the video, it help me feel like I wasn’t the only one with this identity crisis. But one thing that I feel is upmost important that I toke from the video, “you’re still Latine/Latinx/any other race no matter if you can or can’t speak Spanish or any native language.” And man, I wish I heard that a lot during my childhood rather than feeling embarrassed, ashamed or feel out of place. But I’m happy I found this video, and I’m glad the video found me and others like me.

So overtime, I began to slowly become appreciative of my roots. I think what was maybe the final push was Lin Manuel Miranda’s Broadway turn movie “In the heights”, now I love the Broadway, so when watching the movie, I couldn’t help but love it even more, because I appreciate how the movie celebrate all walks of Latine/Latinx/Hispanic cultures from Dominican, Cuban, Chilean, Mexican, Colombian, Puerto Rican and more. How this community is so vast and vibrant of overall, proud of their heritage. So I began to slowly being loving my heritage, and for healing, whenever I make an oc, I make them Puerto Rican or headcanon an existing character as Puerto Rican, or learn fact about Puerto Rico to feel more connected (like funfact did you know Puerto Rico is also called Isla del Encanto? Isn’t that beautiful? 🥹) and even now I would ask my mom “hey what does *insert Spanish phrase* mean?” Granted, I will still get moment where I doubt or have imposter syndrome (or as my mom would sometimes say I am my worse critic). But I stop myself, and say “hey, you’re still Hispanic/Latine/Latinx.” Or “don’t worry, you’re still learning.” It’s still a process. And even now I still don’t know Spanish, like I guess to best describe it, I know what people can be saying or what they’re talking about depending on the context but I don’t know how to respond back. Nor write..or spell. But I still am learning as I go, my folks told me one of the best way is to listen to Spanish song and so I’ve been trying to do that or I’ll ask my mom “hey is this accurate?”. So I just want to tell the people who will read this or my Hispanic/Latine/Latinx ghost pals that, no matter if you can’t speak the language, like certain food from your roots, or are feeling the same way I felt, it’s okay, your still valid and you’re still Hispanic/Latine/Latinx. I can’t say it going to be easy, because I’ll be a hypocrite if I did, but, I can say, it worth it each step of the way. And I wish you luck amigos.

But, thanks for taking the time to read this, I know this isn’t my usually good omen content and I’m sorry if I wasn’t super active for this heritage month. I’ll try better next time. But until then, hope your having your last day of Hispanic/Latine/Latinx heritage month! what is it I can do to be more participant for next time? Let me know! Or if you have any question about this post or anything, my inbox is open ask away my fellow ghost ^v^ And always, especially with it still being all hallow’s Eve, stay spooky my pals!

[heartless-aro]

Some Thoughts on Acephobia, Arophobia, and Autonomy

Something I’ve noticed recently is that a lot of the negative reactions people get when coming out as aromantic and/or asexual tend to involve a very particular sort of invalidation, though it’s a sort of invalidation that takes many different forms.

Aspecs who are part of groups that tend to be heavily objectified, fetishized, or otherwise sexualized — particularly aspecs of color and aspec women — tend to have their experiences dismissed and disbelieved altogether. They get told that they don’t “look” aspec. They get people offering to “fix” them or “prove them wrong.” They get told that it’s a “waste” for them to be aro and/or ace.

Meanwhile aspecs who are part of groups that are desexualized or infantilized — such as disabled aros (especially those with intellectual disability), fat aros, and aros with facial differences — tend to experience a different side of the issue. They get told that they’ll “find someone some day” or that “you’re just saying that because you know no one wants to date you.” That or people say things like “Of course they can’t be interested in things like sex or romance! They’re so innocent. They probably can’t even understand that sort of thing.”

Of course this isn’t a strict dichotomy; things like objectification, fetishization, desexualization, and infantilisation can intermingle in a lot of ways. East Asian people, for example, are often fetishized and infantilized simultaneously. Likewise, someone who is both black and Deaf may experience both fetishization on the basis of their race and desexualization and/or infantilisation on the basis of their Deafness. I could go on listing more and more ways that desexualization, fetishization, and the like tend to interact, but the point is that aspecs can experience invalidation in both of the forms discussed above, to varying degrees, depending on the various identities which may intersect with their aspec identity (or identities).

This may almost seem a bit contradictory, at first, until you realize that both forms of invalidation are, at their core, a denial of the target’s romantic and sexual agency. The first form of invalidation is based on the idea that some people can’t be aspec because they’re “too desirable” to not be available. This is the sort of invalidation that says “you can’t be aspec because people want you and you aren’t allowed to say ‘no.’” Then there’s the other form which says that some people are aspec because they’re “undesirable” and because there’s no one “available” for them to have a sexual or romantic relationship with. This is the sort of invalidation that says “You aren’t really aspec. The only reason you’re saying ‘no’ is because you don’t have the option to say ‘yes’.” These both boil down to the same amatanormative, allonormative idea that everyone should want romance and sex, and that the only valid reason not to be interested in those things is an inability to attain them.

You either can’t be aspec, because people are attracted to you (so you’re obligated to put their feelings before your own) or you can’t be aspec because people aren’t attracted to you (so you’re clearly just defining yourself according to someone else’s feelings, rather than your own). Either way, there’s no winning. Either way, you’re told that you don’t have the right to your identity. Because when you identify as aromantic and/or asexual, you actively make the statement that your identity is not about anyone else but, rather, that it is about YOU and YOUR feelings and what YOU want, and what YOU choose to do with your life and with your body. And, consciously or not, a lot of people seem to be very intent on contradicting that notion.

I think that’s part of what makes it so empowering to identify as aromantic and/or asexual. The fact that “I’m asexual” and “I’m aromantic” are statements of your own autonomy and are open rejections of the idea that your life and your body exist for the pleasure of others rather than yourself.

[kolachess]

Star Struck - Explaining the conflict and cultural nuance

Those of you who have seen the Korean BL, Star Struck, probably thought it was a(nother) mediocre school BL. In a year with more and more BLs from South Korea (yay!), it might have been an easy pass.

BUT, if you’re like me, you will have really, really appreciated the refreshingly realistic taste of a friends-to-lovers dynamic, complete with a conflict that is not just over one-sided or mutual dislike of each other for once! (Which is not to say I didn’t love the BLs that had that... they’re all great. But I do think expanding scope is always admirable!)

I realized that part of the reason why what seemed to me a rather thoughtfully constructed set of characters and plot development comes across as plain boring to many others might partially be a cultural nuance issue.

So, here’s my attempt to bridge that gap and give it a little more credit than it got (at least, so far). Of course, that’s not to say I think this drama is perfect... I do think a lot of pacing / editing could have done with some improvement. And at the end of the day... it is a coming of age sort of school drama, so it’s not going to be crazy complex. And I’m also writing this after episode 4, so there will be spoilers through episode 4. 

Disclaimer: I am not Korean, nor did I grow up in South Korea, so I definitely do not have complete authority on this subject matter. However, I feel like a lot of what was happening in Star Struck might have been... unfairly overlooked or otherwise not understood by audiences who are less familiar with Eastern Asian cultural values, so as a Chinese American, I wanted to do my best to add a bit of perspective.

So. What is the root of SHJ (Seo Hanjoo) and JYJ (Jo Yoojae)’s conflict?

Certainly, SHJ’s (seemingly) one-sided crush on JYJ and JYJ’s reactive jealousy is a large part of it, but the other big part is a newfound wealth gap and how that translates into what esteem they hold each other in.

From the get-go, we can tell SHJ is very (self-)conscious about money. He knows how hard his mom has to work, and he feels guilty and early on already tries to justify to himself (and others) that some costs, like the cram school he saved up to attend, are not worth it. He’s too prideful to honestly mention his money troubles to anyone.

Although SHJ doesn’t know JYJ’s rich yet in this scene, JYJ’s financial circumstances still was better off than SHJ’s. But he’s clearly uncomfortable with the idea of his best friend paying for him like that. And here’s where I’ll do some cultural breakdown.

In East Asian culture, the collective identity comes first, and the individual comes second. Meaning, people take more pride in what school they graduated from, what company they work for, what their family background is, more so than people in many other cultures. I’m not talking school pride like, ‘I’m proud to be a <insert school mascot>!’ kind of spirit. I mean that everyone in your life, in society, will measure your worth first and foremost (and often only) by the primary institution or family background you came out of. And with SHJ’s sort of background - poor, single-mother - that’s a big stigma. He’s still a rational human being though, so at least he doesn’t blame his poor mother for their circumstance (which some kids do, given all the pressure of society). But that all said, this clearly weighs on him - how his lack of money reflects on him. And if money is viewed at all similarly to how it’s viewed in China... it’s basically a measure of your capabilities and standing in society. The inability to be generous with your money is ‘losing face’ i.e. embarrassing. And so... yeah. It’s a lot of ‘dings’ in SHJ’s social profile. The kid is understandably a bit self-conscious, though he clearly tries to not let it get to him.

Fast forward to when he finds out JYJ is now ‘rich’... Obviously, he’s upset at not being told because they’re supposed to be close friends. However, he’s clearly super self-conscious about being seen as someone who’s that sensitive about money. Notice how he hasn’t actually commented / asked about JYJ ‘moving out’. (Note: I wasn’t 100% sure if this carried the implication that JYJ might be moving away, but the text message made it sound like that? Correct me if I’m wrong.) He immediately assumes JYJ didn’t tell him because he’s pitying him or otherwise worried about how he’d react because of how it involves money. And he hates that. (Which... he’s not totally wrong about. JYJ might not pity him like how SHJ is thinking, but he definitely worries a bit about how SHJ will perceive things, and it becomes this death spiral of misread intentions.)

And of course JYJ starts to comment on SHJ’s family, which just confirms all of JYJ’s worst fears. He suddenly ‘realizes’ that his best friend who he has a crush on actually walks on eggshells around him because of his money situation, which is a blow to his self-esteem, because what does that mean? That there’s a meaningful gap now in their social status and JYJ looks down on him and just never said? That JYJ sees SHJ as too delicate to be able to handle this new reality? (His insecurities and perspectives, not necessarily what JYJ thinks, of course.) 

It’s like having a close friend say something that makes you suddenly wonder if they were actually judging you this whole time, and your mind goes into overdrive analyzing every past interaction you’ve had and reading in between the lines to see if you were actually blind all this time. To SHJ, who is already a bit self-conscious about all of this... it’s a major blow. And although he says he’s only ever felt inconvenienced by his poverty... I’d say he’s being a bit dishonest with himself. Again, he’s clearly not the shameful type to blame his poor mother, but he clearly has trouble admitting his circumstances to even his closest friend.

Meanwhile, for JYJ...

...the guy is clearly struggling too. He obviously cares for SHJ and extremely mindful of his money situation, hence previously wanting to just pay for SHJ at the cafe. However, he also doesn’t want to hurt SHJ’s pride even more, so he ultimately still tosses his pair of perfectly good shoes he no longer wants despite wanting to give it to SHJ.

Once SHJ cools down a bit, and JYJ extends the olive branch, they both apologize to each other and come to an understanding. However, as is with a lot of human emotions... getting over it in the moment does not necessarily mean getting over it for good if you haven’t addressed the inner demons that spawned these bad feelings in the first place. And it’s not long before we see another issue pop up.

At this point, SHJ has had to move into the side house (and hides it from JYJ). He finds the Gucci receipt in the pocket of the jacket JYJ lends him, and JYJ immediately tries to wave it off saying it was pretty much something his mom made him buy.

He’s clearly worried about SHJ feeling bad again. He definitely doesn’t seem to care for the materialistic things as much as his parents seem to, and he even seems a bit embarrassed by it. So when SHJ brings up his big new house, he immediately tries to make light of the situation by joking about how indeed, the one good perk is that he can no longer hear his parents fighting. So that’s clearly another thing that weighs on him. SHJ is seemingly rather sensitive to JYJ’s money situation, but JYJ doesn’t really want anything to do with it at all. And the thing he really wishes could be new and shiny - his family’s relationship - is not something their newfound money could buy. In fact, it’s possible he’s even a little envious of JYJ for having such a caring mom.

Later, when he finds out SHJ has moved into the little side house / shack, he’s understandably upset that his best friend had chosen to hide this from him, that he didn’t see JYJ as understanding enough to be honest with him. He obviously also aches for SHJ’s circumstances. 

Gift-giving is a big part of East Asian culture, but there’s casual gifts between friends, and there’s gifts between everyone else. When you’re gifting gifts to someone less close, you definitely don’t want to go for things too cheap, so people tend to skew for expensive and unnecessary things because it’s part of social gestures and having ‘face’. While well-intentioned, sometimes receiving (and continuing to receive) gifts, especially more expensive ones, can make the receiver feel like they have to reciprocate in kind and continue to stand on ceremony or otherwise have this formal distance between the other person. It’s a big game of chicken sometimes, but some people’s ‘face’ won’t allow them to take a more casual, intimate approach first. This is not the main reason why JYJ gets upset of course, but it is an element.

All that compounded - he’s hurting already on SHJ’s behalf, yet his best friend seemingly doesn’t trust him enough and still tries to save face. And what’s worse, SHJ seems to think JYJ is materialistic and chases expensive things, when that couldn’t be farther from the truth - he dgafs about this kind of stuff. So to have his best friend essentially woefully misunderstand his character, continue to hold him at arm’s length / treat him with non-intimate courtesy, make sacrifices that hurt himself to give JYJ something that makes him seem materialistic and puts even more distance between them due to their economic gap... he’s pretty hurt and furious.

Of course, in reality, while SHJ not telling JYJ might be partly due to his pride, the expensive gift was purely because he was crushing hard. And cue the confession tumbling out.

-

So actually, I feel like there was a wonderful build-up of their tension, oriented not entirely on SHJ’s romantic feelings towards JYJ, but a very real issue between two people compounded by the complexity of romantic feelings.

Although I grew up away from the frontline influence of these sort of social gestures and expectations, it was still a big part of my upbringing. And I feel the agonizing indecisiveness over what to say, how to react, etc. You read intention into every gesture and word, because that’s how Asian culture operations.

I was rather surprised to see people comment that this drama was boring, but upon analysis, I did consider that part of it might be because a lot of this tension goes over the audience’s head if you weren’t brought up in that context. What seems like beautifully nuanced dance of well-intentions-turned-sour might come across as a jumbled mess of ‘being upset over unnecessary secrets’. That, coupled with some abrupt scenes that might not be tied in too smoothly, might have led to a lower evaluation.

Or it’s just my bias for a non-romantic-feelings based tension haha.

-

Anyway... curious what others think!

[zoobus]

This is not me talking myself down but I can't really understand a lot of things you say because you have a bigger vocabulary and idk, you seems like write really well and I don't know if I don't understand some things properly bc English isn't my first language or... for some other reason, like a deficit or something... But what I understand though, I tend to agree with you and even when I don't agree I still like to think about it. Well, with all of this unnecessary and unasked information, I'll like to ask what you meant by your post about Nope (2022)? What was your interpretation? Tbh, to this day, I don't think it's a commentary about minorities. The only thing I think it could be seem like that is that thing with their father. Like, black people invented a lot of things and they were the first to do a lot of things, but they didn't get the recognition or the money they deserved most of the time so there's that. Often than that, I just think that the cast is black and there's the other dude who's not white... I don't remember much but I remember commenting with my brother that I thought it was cool that they were just, a diverse cast, with two black protagonists but they were just living their life and something fucked-up (presented itself as an opportunity) happened, that I thought it was cool that Jordan Peele didn't want to make the movie about racism. He does that greatly, but I believe black people want movies in which they are the ones acting/writing/producing/directing to be as diverse and full of possibilities as it always has been for white people, like, they want to have the opportunity to be in every possible story. True to be told, I'm not black... Or technically I am,,, second to some governmental organizations... Well, I'm pardo (kind of like mulatto), mother is black and father is white. I'm just saying this bc in Brazil, if you're pardo, chances are that you live like black people just with some more passability and has it easier than black people (pessoas retintas) but if you have any racial/class consciousness you understand some things that I'm afraid other mixed countries don't understand as well. But we're still racists as fuck so... I just rambled, idk. So what about Nope?

For me, part of the fun of movies and books is reading what other people took got from it. I love reading takes I would never imagine on my own, I love disagreeing with the consensus, and generally I think I’m able to consider, sympathize, and engage with opinions that differ from mine without losing confidence in my own interpretation.

So when I turned to Nope essays and the vast majority of them took it as a reflection of racial politics… I’m not exaggerating when I say I had a minor spiral. Was I stupid? Was I actually stupid? I didn't get any of that. I’m black. I’m privileged as hell, but I am African-American. I loved Get Out. Am I genuinely just a fucking moron who missed the obvious? Picking up media subtext is MY thing. That’s the one thing I’m good at. I had to rewatch Nope to prove I’m not an idiot. I must have been tired that day.

And maybe I am an idiot who missed all the subtext, but I’m more confident this time around saying I agree with you. I think a lot of people (including black people) are misconstruing unchangeable truths (the main characters are black) as social commentary. I think there is some amount of projection, that inclusion is inherently a political statement. Dare I say race is possibly clouding everyone’s perception. Take this popular essay excerpt:

Now look at this gif of OJ:

What about this suggests his character would have been at ease and unanxious if the crowd staring at him was black? What about him talking softly with his eyes glued to the floor suggests his discomfort stems from his marginalization as a black man? What did Peele add to his film that indicated OJ as racially-motivated-socially awkward rather than naturally awkward other than the fact that he’s black? It's plausible that racism could have made him like that but does the movie itself give us anything to make that assumption? I don’t think it does. I’ve seen some annoyed posts regarding autistic headcanons because they think these are just normal black man traits and um. No, shrinking violet who prefers animals to humans really aren't. I do know black dudes like OJ. I would not call them the Black Male Experience.

I find this viewpoint super frustrating – to plagiarize Margaret Atwood – White racism, white racism, is every fucking thing run by white racism? Pretending you have a personality of your own, that you can be an adorable, beloved Asian child star, Shy and awkward or boisterous and arrogant, it’s all motivated by white racism.

then the pa guy is confused as to where the “older one” is, clearly giving the message that he doesn’t trust oj to be a competent person. the pa sees him as an untrained boy,

reach. Ignoring the fact that people hate changes and learning your go-to expert died is a pretty significant change – oh yeah, the PA who was letting people walk directly behind a fucking horse just screamed “respectful of his subordinates/contractors if they’re white.”

The whites on the movie set were disrespectful, but imo I didn't see a compelling reason to read it as a commentary on how black men specifically are treated since the type of disrespect shown in that scene doesn’t come up for the rest of the film.

people talk about the horse, but they don’t know anything about the man riding it

None of those people knew anything about the horse. They don’t even mention the horse’s name. Like I get what you mean (jk no I don’t) but the people very much did not know or care about the horse. Here’s the script:

Emerald: Now did you know that the very first assembly of photographs in sequential order to create a motion picture was a two second clip of a Black man on a horse...? Yes it was, yes it was! Now some of y’all know Eadweard Muybridge, the grandfather of motion pictures who took the pictures that made that clip... but does anybody know the name of that Black jockey that rode the horse...? Holst: No Emerald: Nope. The first ever stunt man, animal wrangler and movie star rolled up in one and there’s almost no record of em… That man was a Bahamian jockey that went by the name of Alistair E. Haywood. My great great-grandfather.

I’m not even certain what to make of there being almost no record of him in the greater context of the movie’s themes about viewers feeling they’re entitled to consume/perceive another.

I find the assertion that the Peele made *any* parallels between the way animals are treated and the way poc are treated ungrounded. As I said in my original post, if your takeaway from Jupe’s generic sitcom and movie posters was that he’s EXACTLY as absurd as a chimp in a birthday hat, that the white family adopting an asian kid was commentary on token racism, you are literally just racist. There is nothing in this movie that suggests an insidious reason for his popularity.

The humans watch, the animals are watched until they do something drastic to make it stop. But none of the animals get characterization beyond that and none of the humans act in similar enough ways for me to derive anything from it. I don't recall anyone coercing OJ into unwanted eye contact. The glimpses we see of Jupe's childhood are of a cute kid on a corny sitcom set. The exploitation comes after the random monkey event, when SNL makes a parody skit and the world gradually forgets the gut-wrenching terror of being a little boy hearing your crush's flesh squished.

I am not saying race is irrelevant or that Peele had absolutely no intention of including subtext about black bodies or race exploitation in the film industry, but I am saying that I rewatched Nope specifically for that reading and I don’t find that reading compelling.

Unfortunately, I spent most of this complaining about what other people thought rather than my own. My interpretation was pretty surface-level. I think it was mostly about

respecting nature as it is and not what you imagine it is

somewhat about the nature of perception and how easily it’s distorted/how easy it is to believe you have a full understanding when you’ve only seen about an inch of it, and

something about feeling entitled to perceive things, idk I accept that I probably didn’t pick up on this theme as often as the director wanted me too. I’ll admit that.

[tubbypeddle]

It's me! Thanks again for accepting my request, this is really nice.

Personality traits: people told me I’m creative, curious, argumentative because I can be persuasive and always want to have reason. I also tend to do the opposite of what I’m told, speak my mind whoever is facing me (can be a friend, family member, authority person, etc.). I can be blunt with absolutely no filter, which means I can be very familiar with people I’ve just met. I’m very good at understanding the big picture or a concept and explaining it with better words than a professional. I’m this person who finishes the sentence before the speaker. I love joking around, laughing out loud and having fun everywhere with friends, even in the most inappropriate moments. I can't help but talk loudly or laugh in church, for example. I’m independent and don’t like clingy people. One of my favorite things on earth is to tease people and make them completely mad just for fun and test their limits. I ask questions I know are tricky just to see how the person reacts. The pleasure of throwing a stone into the pond. Finally, some loved-ones said I struggle to empathize with others, or even act like a regular human.

Likes: the sun, spring and summer. Gardening. Cooking. Cats. I love dogs, mostly the big ones. I like learning new things, having a lot of knowledge. I enjoy eating, it is my reason to live. Traveling as well! Having fun, reliable and imaginative people. I love absurd humor. Old cars, old rock and old movies. To meet new, smart and interesting people who know things I don’t and can teach me.

Dislikes: slow people and those who arrive late. The rain. Too loud noises. When things don’t work as they should. Disorganisation and inefficient people. My anger issues. Dirty or messy places. People who don’t know what they are talking about but talk anyway. Vulgar and uneducated people. Coward, too naive, timid and weak people. Being interrupted.

Hobbies: writing, cinema, gardening, hiking, traveling, eating, laughing, discovering.

Miscellaneous: excellent memory (names, dates, details, sensations). Good intuition that allows me to understand things and keep the conversation going whatever the subject. Practical over the aesthetic. French grammar and spelling mistakes trigger me. 

Appearance: east asian, short black hair with a two block haircut. I wear shorts or cargo pants with t-shirts (often black, gray or white) and white sneakers. The simpler the better.

Hi hi!! sorry for the wait, things are a little busy here.

(author's notes: credits to gif owners, of course <33 this was so fun! my first genshin matchup!! )

I've thought long and hard over who would be perfect for you! And miss matchmaker is here!

Fontaine is a beautiful place in the summer. Perfectly breezy, and perfectly sunny. Everyone's a busybody, so social and they love to meet new people! Perfect for your pretty extroverted interests!

And, why, who else do you run into here, none other than

Ajax "Tartaglia" "Childe" himself!

You know what draws him in about you first?

Your argumentative personality. He loves a good fight, and that includes witty arguments. Ajax also appreciates, and even adores, your unashamed loudness.

He loves a partner who is unafraid to be anything but themselves. If there is anything he hates, it is people who are weak. And to so openly be yourself, without fear of judgement, it's such a turn on for him.

AND!! being by his side requires a lot of traveling! Which is a plus for you! His job requires him to be able to travel to any nation, but while he's working, he encourages you to go out and explore! Go shopping if you want! He'll pay, of course. He wants you to have fun, not to worry. He doesn't need you worrying about your bank account when he has more than enough money to spend on both you and himself.

Besides, his love language is gift giving.

He absolutely adores your teasing. He meets your teasing easily with some of his own. It's fun, and it makes him laugh. The banter flows easily between you two, honestly. It's almost sickening how easy you two argue with each other.

Like an old married couple, Zhongli says.

Out of everyone who'd understand your problem of empathizing with other people, it'd be Ajax.

After falling into the Abyss as a child, he's had issues with feeling anything. It was the whole reason he'd been forced to join the Fatui in the first place, to have a place to take out his unusual aggression. Honestly, it was a miracle that he ended up falling for you in the first place.

He doesn't...remember quite how to properly love someone. He knows the concepts, and he knows how to go through the motions. But you're the first person outside of his family that he's had any feelings for.

He doesn't want to...mess it up. And lose you.

That being said, there's never a dull moment with him. He loves making you laugh. He thinks you sound beautiful when you do.

His favorite activity to do with you is tease other people. He's pretty much immune to your teasing, because he meets you head to head with his own little jabs. So teasing other people is the way to go with you two.

You two little pranksters, you.

Your great memory also might be very useful. It's not that Ajax is forgetful, but he's usually in a rush. So he may accidentally forget to grab some things on his way out the door. It helps if you're there to toss it to him as he's getting ready to leave.

He's a big, big family guy, too, so if you don't want kids, it might not work out for you two. Despite how Ajax seems, he only dates to marry and settle down in the future. He loves his family, and he wants to make one of his own like that someday. When it's safer.

At the minimum, he wants five kids. Five!

He wants to be a father, and he wants to be your husband. He knew this on your first date with him. It's only a matter of if you'll let him.

And he'll introduce you to his own family eventually, when you're comfortable with it. His younger siblings would absolutely adore you, because you remind them so much of Ajax. His older siblings would find it so amusing how alike the two of you are.

His parents absolutely love you, too. His mother absolutely tries fattening you up, trying to put you in warm clothes, because Snezhnaya is cold, don't you know? His father sees a strength in you that he sees in his son. A quiet kind of strength, hidden under layers of bluntness and jokes.

And! You and mama Ajax love cooking! Mamushka Ajax teaches you Snezhnayan dishes, and she loves to learn about your favorite dishes to make! You two trade recipes often, and sometimes Ajax whines that you like his mother more than you like him.

Like I said before, there's really never a dull moment between you two. Ajax leads a busy life, and it seems like you like to, as well. Quiet is few and rare between you two.

But when there is, it's usually because both of you are sleepy or exhausted.

Honorary mentions! Cyno He loves telling jokes, since everyone seems to be so afraid of him. And he loves that you love to laugh. He's also very neat, if he does say so himself. But his schedule...he feels he may neglect you with how often he has to work. He does not want you to go through with a neglectful partner.

WAAAA this was so fun!! again, sorry for the wait ☹ fourth of July preps and all that y'know? and I have....a huge family.

i hope you enjoyed!

[geneslovee]

People calling your accurate drawing of an Asian woman "caricature" even though you're Asian is bullshit, and I'm very sorry, but it's also interesting. A lot of white people are stuck in the stage of unlearning racism where they realize it's bad but still unconsciously follow its precepts; therefore to them, noticing and drawing ethnic features feels "racist" because under white supremacy, different ethnic features are treated as automatically lesser. So those who want to unlearn racism but aren't nearly there yet often pretend those differences don't exist-hence "I don't see color", i.e. "for this social interaction I will pretend you're white because that's the only way I know how to treat someone well". They're telling on themselves.

Thank you so much for your support!! It is crazy when you think about it. A lot of people told me that I’m not East Asian so I can’t do whatever wrong they think I did, or speak on “East Asian issues” which I never did either, and many of them really were non-Asians. It’s curious how that happens when someone cries racism and others sort of end up picking it up and carrying it to no end with seemingly not a lot of thought or any personal self-assessment of the situation, or even a different perspective on the situation from a competent source. Anyways, it really was puzzling to me because even if I’m not East but North Asian, still my features are the same, still I’m talking about my own features, my almond shaped eyes and nose and lips. Other people just refused the North Asian identity as Asian as a whole. Just an uncomfortable situation all around.

Also, and this isn’t to say I don’t appreciate your kind message, but I’d really rather not talk about this situation anymore anywhere - it’s why I deleted Twitter off my devices entirely because just thinking about it, even being reminded of it by people supporting me, literally gives me a tension headache and reminds me of all the hate messages I got, somehow both from literal Nazis and supposed progressives who were accusing me of racism and everyone falling in between. Being the subject of conversation among dozens of thousands of people will just do things to ya, so thank you so much to those keeping me sane with their support, but I want to lay it to rest because I have not been able to relax for 3 days

[kimyoonmiauthor]

The Slightly Humorous Story About How Straight People made me Queer.

Let’s be clear here, when I was in Korea, I was halfway tripped up on Korean dramas. Korean dramas which didn’t have kissing until much later in the series, and lots of small romantic gestures were on screen. From what I know, I liked cartoons and TV shows to block the noise from my parents arguing all of the time. I disliked the Japanese occupation drama that was popular at the time because it had loud guns in it. So I’ve always loved rom coms the most on television. They gave me comfort. I also watched Historicals with my aunties.

I had to figure this out on my own, by putting things together.

So when I came to the US (adopted), I had this really strong notion that went something like this...

I would get married, have kids, I didn’t know how. And then my husband would tragically die of natural causes or we’d get divorced or something of that sort and he’d disappear. And then I would have dogs and be a widow.

No straight person has a thought like this when they are five years old, and maybe it should have clued me in that people usually don’t kill off their spouses in their heads that maybe just maybe I was not straight.

I had bouts as a kid, too, of loving frilly pink things, then hating it, etc, though this got confused under all of the Second wave feminism my mom liked to shove on me, which often was white feminist and racist and oddly anti-LBTQIA.

I liked pink for a while, because it was girly, then converted to purple, because it felt more neutral, but then couldn’t identify with any color after that. Maybe this, too, was part of the harassment my mom had around colors, insisting that I wear black because it was “practical” but I couldn’t really perform gender that well. I would really, really try to conform to one gender, but then feel highly uncomfortable with it.

I wanted to learn girly things to know it, but I didn’t want to perform it. I wanted to do sports, and learn various types of things that were told to be gendered--but honestly, I saw it as kind of pointless to call wiffle ball a “Boys game” and girls “Cooking.” I never felt stable. I would flux and convert at turns a little, and I was comfortable with that. I didn’t see the point of gendered pronouns. WTH. I got constantly corrected on them for years probably because I couldn’t feel them in myself either. And the thing was, I liked dressing up in costumes, I didn’t care about the gender of the clothes. I also absolutely loved anything that played with gender roles and expectations. I was drawn to it.

I found myself drawn to queer books, though a lot of the romances I read were het, maybe as a remnant of watching too many het romances on television from very young and also because reading queer romances would have exposed me more.

At the same time straight kids would endlessly tease me for being a lesbian, gay, or something. And I was puzzled over sexual attraction and romantic attraction for myself. I thought people were lying in television shows--also maybe because of the gap between US television and Korean. US--two seconds, in bed. Korean 10/16 episodes in and you get a kiss. And for a kid that doesn’t feel primary sexual attraction, this was quite confusing--I didn’t know that kids could know their sexuality at five years old.

From the time I knew sexual attraction was a thing(TM), I was thinking, unlike the kids that teased me to be gay and lesbian. I was fine with “whatever” the most ace thing in the world. (Though if it was a woman in my head, I thought things like, well, if I’m attracted to women, well, the dying early thing won’t be in the cards. I’ll figure it out then.) I was fine being bisexual. As long as I could punch my schedule of having kids and a dog. (This is kinda ND to me... which might also be why I got bullied--besides being Asian. I didn’t think like most other kids and I was extremely precocious.)

At one point I was asked if the “Backstreet boys was hot” when I was nine and in a fit of NDness, probably, I watched their music videos to figure out *why* that person liked them, and I couldn’t figure it out at all. Totally went over my head. Was it a personality trait they had?

But nothing happened for a long ass time. And then aesthetic attraction happened. I thought aesthetic attraction was the same thing as sexual attraction for the longest ass time. It took me a long, long ass time to realize people actually do want to have sex upon looking at someone and saying “I’d do them.”

Even the kissing games like spin the bottle and dares, etc, I stayed out of with the thought of, “I don’t see the point if you don’t have feelings for each other.”

I also thought probably because of a steady digest of rom coms, Victorian romances, and so on, attraction would be this magical moment of floaty clouds, etc. But I found it extremely annoying in part and I wanted to distance myself from it. At other points I didn’t want to deal with it at all. And I was told it was the greatest thing in the world.

My friends asked why I didn’t date anyone and I answered with the most ND answer ever in my head. “I didn’t have a large enough pool of people to be attracted to.” The other thing I thought was, “There is no point of dating in Middle School and High School if you’re going to break up with people,” *cough* Grey-ace, maybe? Have a clue.

But I had no terms for this, or my kind of half-hearted attempts at presenting cis. Presenting fully as a woman and performing it was too much work in my head. And I know some women just don’t like makeup, and some nonbinary do, but putting the effort in to perform being a woman 24-7 felt like too much for me. I kept slipping every time I tried. I never quite felt comfortable in the gossip circles women do--it also might be because I was also extremely precocious and ND-ish that it was harder to fit in.

But straight people kept flagging me over and over trying to figure out why this or that was true. Why I had no attraction to anyone. Why I couldn’t perform womanhood, even though I knew how. The feedback from straight people told me over and over I was very queer. And I felt an attraction to queer culture, but I didn’t know how I slotted in and I couldn’t place it because the dominant labels were not me. But I didn’t feel straight either.

I semi-dated long distance a guy I felt romantic attraction to (after I got to know him for a while), but I didn’t feel sexual attraction to. In truth, I probably wasn’t that committed and the long distance hampered my ability to feel attraction since we separated in early stages.

I did finally date someone I had sex with, but I still don’t get why people love sex that much. My sex stance is sex indifferent most of the time, sometimes favorable, but rarely, so it was a meh moment for me. I liked sex for the intimacy, but sometimes I felt like it was kinda pointless. I did feel sexual attraction after knowing the person for a while. I’m not clear on my secondary sexual/romantic attraction orientation completely, though. It’s like trying to reach past a brick wall. I’m not against it being more omni/pan/bi still.

And the guy of the time was straight--also had this weird relationship with trans people where he kept harping on it. So I closeted my NBness really hard during that relationship, but I kept slipping and he kept on me for why I didn’t perform womanness correctly. lol Maybe I was also trying to get that man dies before I’m 80, but we have kids thing going too.

lol Queer people kept semi-kicking me out though I kind of had an attraction to queer people as in I think I’m one of you, but I don’t know how. So I struggled a lot to find the correct labels.

I wish I knew earlier that this was a thing, though, since I was destructive in some ways when I thought I was straight, but a little strange and trying to fit into the allosexual/alloromantic/cis box. I could have sorted it out faster and better and probably gotten past the grey-ace/aro wall by approaching it differently.

All straight people kept cluing me into the fact I was queer. It wasn’t queer people that told me, hey, you, you’re queer. It was 100% straight people--though they got the brand of queer wrong often. I just couldn’t perform their straightness to their standards no matter how hard I tried.

So no dog, no kids, but hella queer? I do have reptiles. But I do plan to eventually have dogs. The straights converted me to queer.

[theniftycat]

I’m turning 33 tomorrow and recently I was told by a relative of mine who’s known me since I was 3, that she thought I was 25. We didn’t meet very often, but still, it was a bit weird.

Up until I was 30, people thought I was 19, but I thought that these past few years were rough enough on me, but I guess not that rough.

Idk, my entire physical presentation is not what I’d prefer. I’m short, Asian, very feminine, very disabled and very young looking. Meanwhile, I can look at Greg Davies and think “yes, this is me.”

Body euphoria might be overrated, I have no problems with being who I am physically since 25. Before that, it was rough. Seeing myself in a mirror was a surprise every time. But a human adapts to anything.

I’d say I had gender dysphoria, but what bothered me more was my disability. It still is, but now it’s a bit whatever. I like living alone because I don’t have to think about whether or not my facial expression bothered anyone. The thing is, with spastic palsy it’s hard to control your muscles, including the face. So, when I’m worried or excited my face is a mess. I almost can’t smile normally in photos because I overdo it.

It’s not only the spastic face that’s a social problem. I do a lot of things with visible effort or weirdly, it also bothers people, so they often help me without asking if I need it. It’s annoying.

Now, about gender, in a perfect world, I’d be a man. It’s not big enough of a deal to do something about it, I’ll never feel good in my body, but it works and that’s enough. If I transitioned or made effort to present like a man, I’d have to think about my appearance too much and it’s just not worth it.

Looking young is also an issue because it’s infantilising enough being a short disabled Asian girl. Essentially, what people see when they look at me is too contrasting with my personality and cognitive dissonance isn’t a people magnet. 33 is my age starting with tomorrow and it’s small enough already. I can’t wait to be 50, people will start seeing me a bit more, I think.

Being short and left handed are little nice additions that are there to just make things a bit spicier. Some things are hard or impossible to reach, other things are hard or impossible to open. Using scissors isn’t a thoughtless thing etc.

Internalised racism is also very funky. I already talked about how I saw 0 Asian representation in Russian media growing up. It was mind rotting. As a child I thought I was Russian and when I thought about the future me, I saw myself with curly red hair. My hair did become curly about three years ago, so, yay, manifested.

But once I accepted all of it, I’m now okay with my body. My personality is inside it and so far it’s still there. I’m body neutral. It works, I try not to make it feel bad, it controls me, I control it, we’re symbiotic. Body euphoria isn’t reachable for me, but there are other things in life to like.

That is not to say that trying to reach body euphoria is futile, you do you, but it’s just not for everyone. And it’s okay. Body is just a form. If it’s not perfect or the opposite of what you like, maybe it’s not that big of a deal.

[evolving-within]

“When you judge, deceive and hurt. You diminish the light that connects us all to the creator”. I just heard that today. What a profound thought.

Einstein proved that everything is connected. That we are all energy. Everything is energy. Energy cannot be destroyed. It has to go somewhere. The western society is really the part of the world that is slow to pick up on reincarnation.

Has anyone ever wondered why Native Americans, South American Tribes, African Tribes, Aboriginals, and many who are from Asian countries like Nepal and India. All view creation, spirituality and understanding in ways that are so far off from what religion teaches? Especially on the west side of this planet?

Since I can remember I’ve always been fascinated with the occult and metaphysics. I was raised in the LDS Church. After my baptism when I was 8, this would’ve been the late 80’s. That I decided I did not want any part of that church. I believe that is around the time I became a nonconformist. I am the only freethinker in my immediate family. That has caused the main problem between my father and I. I believe he is a baby soul. He may be 33 earth years older than I. But in terms of our souls. I’m ancient compared to him.

My views continue to evolve as I continue to experience my life and I learn lessons for the growth of my soul. I also believe I have memories of lessons I learned in a past life find their way back to my conscious mind. I know certain things that I don’t know how I know? I just do.

I often tell people considering suicide. If you end your life. When your soul is ready you will have to come back and learn everything all over again. You won’t get away from what tried to escape in your previous life. I don’t know why I tell people that? How would I know for certain? No one has ever told me that or have I read it anywhere.

Then I was watching a near death experience documentary. Some lady had to tried to kill herself. She learned that after she had died. She choose to come back and face her problems that caused her to make that choice. It sent shivers down my spine. She almost worded it verbatim to how I say it.

There are so many situations like the one I just mentioned that happen to me. I don’t know if it is my soul remembering or if it a download I’m receiving? But it happens to me often. I also feel that we do not see the real other side when we have near death experiences. I believe we see an in between.

I feel we choose that experience to help get us on another path to help us fulfill our destiny. Maybe our lives became stagnant up until that point. Maybe that was the only way our soul would make the necessary decisions to follow the pathway to our true destiny.

I have always believed that we chose the life we are currently living and the experiences we are going through. Some people have asked me “why would I chose this for myself”? The only answer I can come up with is, maybe your soul wanted to experience more and grow further in its evolution of our souls incarnation process.

I must have wanted to learn an awful lot in this life. Because I have had a very hard life. Even though 98% of my experiences were poor decisions I made. That could have been avoided. But nonetheless, I learned an awful lot about myself and what I am capable of handling. I am hoping I am doing a fast track class to learn as much as possible, so I don’t have to come back again. I know death doesn’t and will never scare me. Because I know deep within my core. That I have experienced it before and that I will not ever die. My vehicle in this life will die. But our souls live on forever.

I know I’m from another planet. I know to some that sounds crazy. But that is how I feel. I don’t know where in the galaxy that is. But I’ve always felt like I didn’t belong here. I don’t understand why things happen the way they do on this planet.

I do not understand hate. I do not understand violence. I cannot even watch it on a movie. I don’t understand why people cannot respect all lives including insects. Everything has a right to its life. I have never been racist. I have never cared about anyones sexual preference.

Every time I progress in my souls process. I unlock more information on the purpose of our existence here. I’m just now willing to accept the gifts I have been given to help heal myself. So I can help heal others through my experiences. I have the ability to read energy off of photos. I can use my intuition to read oracle cards very well. The only thing holding me back in life is myself.

Thank you all for allowing me to get these thoughts out of my head and heart. If you have any questions to what I have said or comments. I welcome them. Take care everyone.

[queenwendy]

I’ve never thought of my tree nut allergy (surprise; peanuts aren’t tree nuts. Weird right?) as a disability. Maybe because mine isn’t airborne, but all of the insane stuff above IS TRUE. Basically everyone except my family, partner, and close friends routinely forget about my allergies and often refuse to make accommodations, and if they do it’s an afterthought done out of shame only after I bring it back up. I had kids do the thing where they try to shove nuts in my face thing too! (Hilariously they usually tried to put peanut butter in front of me which like… not a tree nut guys, I love pb&j, I had one earlier today, try again with walnuts or something). I had substitute teachers put me in a back corner during lunch when they found out I had an allergy to keep me “safe” which really meant I didn’t get to talk with my friends. And oh god catered conferences for work! They’re a nightmare!!!

And when people do remember, half the time they treat it like it’s a huge deal (which for some it can be but for me it is). Like, I’m not gonna spontaneously combust if an almond is in the same room as me. I’m gonna get anaphylactic shock or at least hives if I eat some. That isn’t how this works!

The worst one was definitely when I worked for my college cafeteria as a food server. Usually I was working at the allergen friendly station anyways (hooray 2020s having some degree of allergen awareness), but when I worked a different station I was regularly told to just, serve food that would kill me. Now again, mine isn’t airborne so it wasn’t a huge risk but it sure as hell was scary, and a bit insulting. The worst, though, was how other coworkers wouldn’t change their gloves when going from allergen food to the allergen free station, even after I explained it to them.

By fat the absolute worst allergen issue actually involved my sesame seed allergy. It’s a lot milder, just an upset stomach and hives, but it means I cannot have most asian foods. Well, my doctors know I have this allergy and are always checking it on my chart. When I swapped from estradoil tablets to estradoil i injections for HRT, THEY GAVE ME AN ESTRADOIL INJECTION THAT HAS SESAME SEED OIL AS AN INGREDIENT. For eight whole weeks I was injecting an ALLERGEN INTO MY BLOODSTREAM! I was mysteriously itchy and had no idea why! I didn’t notice until I read the EMPTY BOTTLE looking fir disposal instructions.

I’m sure that was a fun phone call for the nurse who dealt with me. Luckily I had no serious symptoms so I never was going to sue but I lit a fire under their ass until they got me a different medicine that uses cottonseed oil (and is a different concentration, for some reason, which means the volume per injection halved).

Allergies are No Joke, people. And I’m starting to agree with prev that it’s a disability. Respect people’s accommodations.

I wasn’t going to derail the disability pride month post for people with peanut allergies but in relation to that topic

I have never seen another allergy that has been so viscerally hated and mocked by people working in education like nut allergies. I’ve seen fellow teachers cringe that their classroom was the “nut free” classroom that year. Support staff that are trained and willfully don’t follow cross contamination protocol in the lunchroom because it’s too “tedious” or “time-consuming”. Full preschools + childcare centers that refuse to accommodate nut allergies. Schools where the only free lunch is a PB&J. Before/after school programs and summer programs whose food curriculum has nuts and doesn’t provide an alternative activity.

Allergy discrimination is so so insidious and prevalent. It’s happening behind their back and it is everything from the exposure joke to possibly causing someone to go into anaphylaxis from willful ignorance.

Also other parents in the classroom are guilty too. The “not my child not my problem” brain rot means that those lunchboxes are like bombs for airborne exposure allergies