#ofc i can't just judge by a few episodes

[tumhaari-teju]

I just randomly watched a few episodes of Julun Yeti Reshimgathi. Giggling. Twirling my hair. Kicking my feet in the air.

[bu-blegh-ost]

Let's analyze Captain Rose's final message (ep. 113 spoilers!!!)

I have transcribed the entire thing into my notes, and there are few parts that I believe give us some subtle hints to important lore bits. So let's take a look at these fragments, shall we?

"Even with the Emperor’s gracious accommodations, I can never feel at ease unless I’m sleeping on the sea. Tomorrow, we depart this beautiful country for one last ride."

Nothing that crazy here, but now we have a better grasp at the timeline. So this confirms, that the last place Black Rose Pirates have been to, before they departed for the final adventure led by Hendrix's map was Onowa Country, and judging by what comes next, the chest was also created and left there during that last stay.

"But…if you’re hearing this, it means we all died."

If you recall, Drey mentioned few episodes back, that thier final excursion was of little significance, barely worth remebering. But here Rose is, about to embark on it, his last adventure before he retires, and he believes that he's going to die. That they all are. Rose must have hidden the true importance of this adventure from the rest of his crew. He KNEW that it's very likely they are not coming back from it, he KNEW he is not actually retiring. So, the question is, did Rose truly meant to leave life at sea for his wife and children, or did he chose to retire cause he knew he was about to die and he needed an excuse, to tie all the loose ends before he goes without alarming anyone?

"Even so, freedom can look so different for the individual. Not every pirate’s gonna play fair. I’ve been prepping for this moment a long time. The day I’d be outmaneuvered."

Something happened to Rose before that. If you ask me, something must have been put on Rose. A spell? A deal perhaps? Something must have happened between Rose and Hendrix (I can't be sure it was him ofc, but I feel like it is pretty obvious at this point). The map he gave him was a final retirement gift. Whatever happened, Hendrix surely did or offered something that made Rose unable to refuse the last adventure. Rose was forced to open the Hole in the Sea. He was forced to attempt to free the Nameless Prince, and he knew, he is bringing his crew to possible death. He knew they may not make it out of the sea in time, before whatever he had to do takes effects, before the sea turns black. I don't believe he would do this if he could find another way. This line makes me feel like he was tricked, finally cornered by Hendrix. It would also make sense why Rose never listened to Finn's warnings when he told him abt Hendrix hiding his true arcane ability. It's possible he knew already. It's possible he was already chained by it.

"Now I fear, we’ll be remembered for something we didn’t do."

The hole in the sea. The one thing people always mention when Black Rose pirates are concerned. He was right. But it only proves, that Rose in this entire game was a tool. Just a person forced to do another's bidding, to be at the right place, at the right time. A sacrifice, but not a player. Niklaus told Chip it was Rose who opened the Hole in the Sea. And he was right, kinda. TECHNICALLY it was Rose. But he was not acting of his free will. He was forced to do it. And who made him? Well, probably the one person who knows that it was him.

"Anyways, I think I should have cared about how my friends would remember me. My family…"

A beautiful comparison between Chip and Rose. Rose sought fullfillment, legacy, Chip sought to recreate his childhood, but they both realised that what they always wanted in the end was family. Rose realized it too late, Chip did so on time. And he did manage to create a family he can feel content about, be proud of. Rose's story is a reminder for him, of how things could have ended.

"If my wife is still alive, tell her, tell our child, her child, I’m sorry."

Rose left Onowa knowing he will not retire. He knew he lied to his wife when he told her that he'll raise their child with her. Did he ever mean it? Did he know that he is doomed from the start, or was there a true intention of going back to her, before Hendrix came and his fate was sealed? Also, that makes me think that Reuben is not Rose's biological son. "OUR child" refers to the kid they had together, "HER child" might refer only to his wife's son, to Reuben. Still, he must have cared for him enough to decide that he also deserved apology.

"Thanks for coming to look for us. I knew you would.

Take care, Chip. "

I wonder if he actually knew. Could Hendrix promise him that Chip would be saved? He didn't seem to expect anyone else to make it, so it's possible that either Chip was supposed to play a special role in some way, or maybe he already did, or he was guaranteed to make it out alive regardless of the circumstances to make the journey he is on now. That could mean that Riptide Pirates were truly always destined to meet.

Okay, that will be most of my thoughts! Feel free to share yours!

[misshoneysplayhouse]

Wine Pon You| h.zoe

since the new episode has us hange fans in distress, i have to bless you all with this, i cant get them out of my head and ofc you know i'm higher than a horse dick rn so enjoy, i'm so glad i'm attracting more hange lovers to my page I love yall frl.

song list for this cuz.....babyyyyy my playlist did justice fa meeeee

Remember You- By Wiz Khalifa ft the Weeknd

Wine Pon You- By Doja Cat

Too Deep- dvsn

CW: dom!hange, thigh riding, oral(f!receiving) orgasm denial, backshots pet names (Princess, doll, pretty girl) spitting is mentioned dacryphilia, overstimulation, fingering, riding and just nasty talking in general, Hange is very vocal

The sounds of heels could be heard behind you, there were girls frantically running around, drenched in anticipation as the big news flooded through the locker room. You could be found in front of your vanity mirror, brushing the finishing touches and making sure your outfit was on just right.

Being a stripper wasn't exactly the life path you had set course for but the fast money became addicting, almost making close to 1 to 2,000 dollars a night, the endless drinks and hot ass people with pockets heavier than the smoke in the building, you couldn't stop now.

But tonight was big, Eren the club's owner had told the you all that the city's biggest bachelor Levi was gonna be in the building along with his whole entourage and that he needed the baddest heifers on the floor!

When he mentioned that, you instantly came to mind, you were a fan favorite in the club which caused a lot of drama to stir up in the lockerroom. That included the ugly stares, the pathetic attempts to steal and take from your money pile, and one thing you didn't play about was your money!

Getting up from the mirror you looked at the text Eren had sent saying to meet him in his office so you snuck your money bag behind it and switched your way up the stairs, hearing the teeth sucking and smart ass remarks from the other girls.

"There she is, my pretty little money maker.." He smiles, watching your body walk in, eyes flickering towards your chest.

"You called me up here for what? It better not be what I think it is." You spoke with a smile, rolling your eyes.

"No good luck kiss tonight, got it." He laughed. "But no, I just learned that Hange, the CEO of Zoe Productions is gonna be with Levi tonight and instead of putting your focus on him, I want you on Hange." He begins, pulling the blunt hanging on his ear to light it.

"Hange? I've never heard of them so they can't be that big." You joked.

"Oh but they are, so don't half ass, they aren't some old geezer- matter of fact, I'll let you see for your own eyes, they just pull up." He smirks, looking at his phone while smokes blows from his nose.

"Yeah, yeah i guess i'll be the judge of them." You chuckle, not taking a single word he said seriously.

He follows you out of his office while you turned one way and he went the other, there were already rumors of you and him fucking and messing around so you didn't want to be caught coming out of his office together to fuel the fire.

the music blasted throughout the building as yoou walked around, skimming the area to find the so called CEO so you could get a good idea on how to drain their pockets dry. The place was packed but you expected nothing less on a Friday night.

After spending a minute too long looking for them, you decided to rack up a few small lap dances in the meantime, you saw one of your coworkers heading towards a huge group of people but you couldn't make out the surprisingly tall figure.

That's when you felt an arm pull you away from the huge crowd, you recognized the cologne and sucked your teeth when you made eye contact with Eren.

"The hell you yanking me up like a toddler for?"

"I don't have time for the complaints, I need you on stage, Sasha sprained her ankle and all the girls are stuck on trying to get into Levi's section. You know how to make a show.." He pleaded.

"Hange will get a better look at you on stage, which will definitely make them call you to the champagne room, and that's the kinda money we need tonight." He went on.

You started to ponder for a slight second, finally agreeing to step on the stage, you weren't foreign to the stage since that's how you started out, you grew your fanbase from it so tonight wouldn't be any different.

I'm currently playing Remember You by Wiz Khalifa and The Weeknd, and umm..I just came everywhere..it'll definitely enhance this whole scene

"If i could have yall's attention,I have a beautiful woman coming out to peform and I want all eyes to the stage, she needs no introduction and hopefully she'll show me a thing or two tonight after this.." Connie starts in the mic, lowering the music.

"Coming to the stage, The devious Miss(S/N)!"

The music flooded your ears as Connie had the speakers in the building at max, the bass thudding through your chest and the lights dimmed to show a cool purple LED like light behind you, almost like the people were watching your shadow.

You started your set, slow and sinfully teasing the crowd by starting on the floor of the stage, you could feel a certain set of eyes on your body out of the hundreds of eyes on you. It felt hot, almost burning with pleasure and you wanted to find its source.

You hooked your leg around the pole, twirling around and climbing up to continue on with your set, spreading your legs wide as you spun around.

The feeling of the bills falling on your skin was like your own personal drug, and tonight you felt as if you were in a shower, yeah Fridays night were packed but this felt off. You dropped down from the pole into a split looking into the crowd, that's when you found the burning eyes staring a hole in you.

Hange.

Wearing a grey suit with the jacket hanging on their shoulders, a black wife beater with a single link gold chain hanging from their neck and a cigar between their slender fingers. You expected some old, 50 year old with a few strands of hair on their head, your mind scrambled up once your eyes connected with theirs.

They were leaning back in the chair, legs spread apart like a slut and their hair in half up half down style. They push up their glasses with their middle finger, adjusting their sitting position by pushing their hips up, leaning forwards towards the stage.

You took this opportunity to "interact" with your fans, crawling towards them to get a better look at what you were dealing with. You've dealt with attractive customers before but this might need a bit more self control.

They had a scar on the left eye, slashing through their eye brow and pretty rings decorated on theirs fingers, you notice them pull out a big band of cash, pulling out a 100 dollar bill and slipping it in your bralette.

You bite your lip, taking the bill and sliding it down to put it on the side of your thong, they take another bill and place it on the other side watching your body move as you went to the other side. You couldn't linger for long or show too much favoritism, no matter how good they looked, your only mission was to tease them long enough to get them in the room.

Once you finished up the lights went back to black and you rushed backstage all the way to the locker room to change and freshen up, you wet up your bottoms on stage and because you knew it was a matter of time before Hange requested you.

You chose a green outfit this time with your breasts sitting out perfectly and the tallest heels you could walk in, heading back into the crowd.

Right on cue, Eren comes up to send you the back and usually you were quick to go ahead and get it over with but you hesitated for a second.

"Whatever happens in the champagne room stays in the champagne room" was the sign that hung over the hallway of the rooms, you could feel two heartbeats colliding with each other as you found the number of the room. You had to get yourself together, this was just another client, another business person to drain and nothing to get yourself worked up on.

But all of your common sense flew out of the window as you walked inside. They were standing tall, pouring two glasses of champagne and handing one to you as you closed the door.

"Thank you.." You said, following them as they called you over with one finger.

"I've heard so much about you..I needed to see for myself if all the talk was true.." They started as they patted their lap, signaling you to straddle them.

You obeyed as you took a sip from your glass, a small smirk forming in the corner of your lips.

"Funny enough, I haven't heard much about you, is that intentional?" You asked, pretending to adjust yourself as you felt a bulge right on your core, you mentally widened your eyes since you weren't expecting them to be this hard.

"For my line of work it is, from what the public knows I own a movie production studio, and that's all they need to know." They smirked, their thumb in the crease of your thighs and their fingers on your ass pushing your hips to slightly create friction

"So you do porn?" You said, adding everything together while still subconsciously bucking your hips a little faster, hoping they wouldn't notice but it looked a little too late.

"And I'm looking at my new project as we speak.." They smirked, finishing the glass with their eyes slowly fucking your body while pushing their hips up, making you gasp.

"I'm not doing anything I don't get paid for.." You spat, looking directly into their eyes, both of your faces just inches away.

"You don't have to worry about that, I'd personally pay you...you wouldn't be fucking anyone doll, you'd be fucking me...I want you to be my personal pornstar princess.." They spoke, their voice warm and hushed, sending a line of chills down your spine.

Biting your lip you moved your hips faster, with both of Hange's hands attached guiding you perfectly.

"Show me how nasty you really are.." They continued, placing kisses up and down the middle of your chest still keeping the eye contact while they slipped a nipple in their mouth.

You finally dropped the shy girl act and took Hange's hand off your hip, moving it exactly where you needed it to be, they slide the thin piece of fabric to the side, your sticky fluids dripping out of you as their finger eases it way inside, practically sucking it in.

"You talk too much.." You mumble, letting a few moans escape from your throat as they add another, curling their fingers and hitting your g-spot like they knew your body. A large groan followed next when their speed increased.

"You usually get this wet with all your clients?" They smugly ask, ignoring the smart remark, with their fingers speeding up purposely so you couldn't form a single sentence.

"I-I dont-"

"Shhh, shh princess, let your body talk for me." They teased, listening to the nasty squelching sounds coming from your soaked pussy, you could feel your stomach tighten up, and the palm of their hand rubbing your clit, you heard yourself whimper before covering your mouth with your hands.

You felt a bit embarrassed that you were so close from you both doing barely anything, but you couldn't care it felt too fucking good to hold back. Just as soon as you mentally let go, they pull out of you causing you to whine from the empty feeling.

"Why'd you stop? You knew I was cl-"

They shut you up by shoving their soaked fingers into your mouth, watching you suckle on them with strings of saliva forming on your lips.

"I knew you were close, only a nasty bitch like you can clamp down on my fingers like that..on your stomach for me." They spoke, palming themselves watching you arch your back on the elongated couch.

Being the nasty slut you were, you shook your ass in anticipation spreading your pussy lips and rubbing your swollen clit thinking you were finna get stuffed full of dick. Your whole body shivered as you felt the warm wetness from their tongue licking a stripe from your clit to your quivering cunt.

Their tongue easily sliding in between your folds, sucking you like they wanted to drain you entirely. Your eyes crossed when they spat on your pussy, watching it drip down, rubbing it in with their hand, sticking their thumb in and out of you just to tease.

"You like eating me like a bitch in heat?"

"Just as much as you like screaming like one.." They replied, wrapping their lips back in the same spot, flicking and swirling their tongue as their hands joined in, pumping in and out.

"Oh god, fuckkk...please! I'm cumming! I'm- HANGE!" You screamed out, your body shakes with your cunt squirting fluids all over the couch, not realizing you slipped up and said their name.

"Such a pretty mess you made..and I thought you didn't know too much about me.." Hange mocked, cleaning you up and slapping your thighs to keep you from squirming, you felt your stomach in multiple knots from the sensitivity. "Didn't take you to be a squirter.."

"Me either.." You mumbled, trying to get your head together. But Hange gave you no time for that. Gripping you by the back of your neck they pulled you up, turning your head around for a sloppy kiss.

You normally don't kiss clients but your head was so fogged up and full of them that those rules went out of the question, you'd just have to deal with the lecture later.

You felt them suck your face off in the most disrespectful way possible, sucking on your tongue and biting your lower lip. You couldn't help but moan in their mouth kindly returning the nasty favor.

By now you're completely naked, with them wearing nothing but the black wifebeater and grey dress pants that surely ended up on the floor next. You felt them pick you up, the coldness of a wall on your back and the tip of something poking at your throbbing cunt.

Your legs were in no shape to be fucked against the wall but Hange didn't want to hear a single complaint.

"I'll hold you together, doll, just fall apart in my hands for me..make those pretty sounds like you did before.." They your body whispered in your ear, holding your legs up with their tatted forearms like you were pure putty in their hands, thrusting into you.

You could feel yourself stretching out by the inch as they pound into you, their hair all disheveled with slight moans escaping their throat, feeling you clamp them like a vice.

"Why are you so fucking wet? This all for me doll, hm?" They growled, marking your neck with bruises and bites.

"It's all for you, it's all for you- fuck! Don't stop, please I swear i'm gonna cum all over this dick.."

"That's right princess, talk to me while i'm inside of you..tell me what you want.." Hange egged on.

"I want you to punish me, I wanna squirt all over you and make a fucking mess, Hange fuck me..pleasee." You pleaded, wrapping your legs around them with all the strength you could find, with tears prickling in the corners of your eyes, you were so fucking close.

Hange noticed the tears falling from your face and watched the mascara stain your face, kissing your stained cheeks with a toothy smirk.

"You look so fucking pretty like this..on your knees..hurry up." They panted, pulling out of you while you quickly got on the floor, they followed behind you, smacking your ass while you shook your hips to rub against them.

Pushing back inside, you both groan out with pleasure as Hange continues with the same pace as before, their hands pulling you in deeper.

"You feel so fucking good, s'good..i'm gonna cum all over that pretty face.." They grumbled, rutting into you.

"Please cum in me Hange, PLEASE! Fuck me just like that..just like that baby!" You groaned out, spreading yourself open so they could really hit your shit, you could feel them in the pit of your stomach, repeatedly hitting that spongy spot inside of you, that familiar feeling crept back in and crashed hard, with you letting out a loud scream.

"I'm not done just yet princess, give me one more pretty girl, please?" Hange cooed to you as they fucked you through the shivering orgasm, you swore you started to see stars.

"I know you can doll, just breathe for me." Hange went on, spitting on their hand and rubbing small circles on your clit. You whine from the sensitivity as your legs shake violently, the tears were flowing at this point but you couldn't help why you and your body wanted more.

"I want more of it...fuck..please cum inside of me Hange.." You begged once more, turning your hips up to push back without their help.

"Ouu shit, just like that princess..fuck me back then.." Hange swore, biting their lower lip as they lifted up their shirt, leaning back a bit to watch your ass move up and down on them and listening to your pussy squelch.

Hard smacks to your ass echoed in the room, as their voice escalated to a whimper as you picked up your pace, they finally let you take over and you wanted to pull all your tricks out to prove a point.

"Like that baby? This pussy sucking you dry? I want all of it Hange, give it to me please baby?" You teased, throwing your ass against them, feeling your own orgasm coming in close.

"I'm gonna cum all in this pussy baby, look at me- fuck just like that, you look so fucking good.." They babbled, watching you as you turned your neck to look back at them.

Their face was covered with the color red with a few strands stuck to their forehead, you could tell they were about to spray your insides white, this made you put your all into it, they gripped your hips hard forming crescent shaped indents deep into your skin, sporadically pounding inside of you, whimpering and moaning as you were bound to the ground, stuck in a euphoric state of pleasure.

"I'm cumming, I'M GONNA-" Was all you head before you felt ropes of warm cum fill you up in the nastiest way possible, you could feel them twitch inside of you as they still weren't finished, fucking the cum deeper into you.

Soon enough you creamed all over Hange only adding to the nasty mess they created not too long ago. They finally pulled out and watched as their cum spilled out of you, like an artist looking at a finished project.

You were mentally out of it, your legs gave out and you were on the floor with cum spilling out of your pussy and drool coming from your lips, bitch you were dickmatized.

"So..." They panted. "How do we tell Eren?"

Yallllllll, this is the nastiest thing my fingers have typed- this has been in my drafts for so long...but oh my fuck..i'm fucking pregnant....

[jewishcissiekj]

hi let's talk about her

Honestly I have so much to say about her. so much. so here's some of it

-Asajj (NOT VENTRESS THAT'S HER LAST NAME ISTG PEOPLE JUST HATE USING HER ACTUAL NAME AND IDK WHY I GUESS IT'S A COOL NAME BUT ASAJJ IS ALSO A COOL NAME AND)

-Asajj was last seen in canon in the Dark Disciple novel. Where she died. I would never recommend that book to anyone so if you haven't read it yet please don't. In short, after becoming a Bounty Hunter in The Clone Wars she grew out her hair, got a cool yellow Lightsaber and for some reason teamed up with Quinlan Vos to try and kill Dooku. They didn't manage to do it. And Asajj died (was fridged) trying to protect Quinlan. The Bad Batch will not contradict that, as was said by the creators. So this is just a summary for anyone who hasn't read it because I wholeheartedly believe that book is bad

-I have not watched a single Bad Batch episode in my life. As a disclaimer. I started the first one, watched their TCW arc and saw memes screenshots clips and spoilers but I do not know this show. I will watch it now that Asajj's there tho

-She does not have the same outfit anymore! It's a change, and we haven't gotten a clear look at her new design so idk how to judge it yet. Might be to look less recognizable, but it has a very different vibe than any of her prior outfits. There's a leftover shoulder pad and probably some other stuff from her last design but I feel like they kinda clash with the new one and tbb's design language in general. The Bounty Hunter look has a very TCWish feel to it and this one is a sharp turn in another, much more casual direction. I'm not inherently against it but I guess we'll see how it looks in action soon

-In my opinion the hair looks like shit. I don't think she should have hair ever. I don't understand why she can't be bald. Why is she bald when she's evil and has hair when she's a padawan (good) and when she is "redeemed"? guess we'll never know. It's a leftover from the cancelled Dark Disciple TCW arc design (and the Dark Disciple cover and promotional material ofc) and it's bad if you ask me but to each their own and if you like it good for you

-Her Lightsaber!!!!! Same case as the hair in terms of irl development but I like it so much better. The yellow just fits her character and it's pretty. Would love for her to find another one and get back to dual-wielding (I know that won't happen)

-The bag and pouches make me so happy as a design element do you think she carries a (tooka) cat in there

-Now, visually she looks great and the animation style is smoother and nicer than TCW (as is the quality), but what about the direction the character's going in? I didn't like her being dead before, but I felt like it was somewhat better than her being shoved into being a cameo character in new content. If you can't touch her after a certain point, you also can't mess her up. But I do wonder where they're going with her. A few questions:

-Asajj in canon is a directionless character. Also, a partially nonsensical and inconsistent character in her choices and storylines. I've talked about it a lot but in short she just feels messy. What's her purpose in life? Her motive? Her origin story doesn't really make sense, even. She's a Bounty Hunter, sure, but why? If all she wants is revenge on Dooku and maybe money (which was pretty much the case in Dark Disciple), what's she doing after the Empire? And more importantly, why?

-Obviously, the question I haven't asked yet because I don't like it: How the fuck is she alive? Nightsisters have a weird relationship with death but seriously, how?

-She's a Force User after the Rise of the Empire now, so what does he do about that? Is she founding The Path? Fucking around and finding out? Making a not-Jedi-not-Sith order with other force users she finds? Is the Empire after her? Do they know she's live?

-What about her girlfriend? Is Latts Razzi safe? Is she alright?

-Why is she in The Bad Batch show? Are we making her into a cameo character or is there a purpose? Why'd they bring her back? For fun? What is she doing after the show? Floating in dead space? Cameo-ing? Will we have a book?

-OK enough for tonight but if we see Quinlan Vos in the show I'll become violent (/neg). We probably will (he might just get mentioned idk).

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 16

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC New as of 8/14/2023

SUPPORT YOUR CREATORS. REBLOGGING & COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

Series Rating: Explicit (18+)

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives. 

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Warning: Brief mention of drug use.

Chapter Quote: “Don’t you have something to do that doesn’t involve hitting on me?”

A/N: Because I can't judge things very well, you're getting an extra-long chapter this time. Enjoy.

Sunday morning, I woke up to Dieter sliding his hand across my bare stomach under my shirt as he adjusted his sleeping position. I had migrated onto my back at some point in the night and he was now cuddled up against my left side with his head laying on my chest. He had tangled his legs with mine and my left arm was draped around him. I looked down at him, he was sleeping peacefully. The worry lines between his eyes were almost non-existent. I reached up to gently stroke his hair away from his face and he hummed quietly but didn’t open his eyes. I continued to scratch at his head while he slept. It was close to eleven, but I didn’t have the heart to wake him. He needed to rest. 

I laid there watching him sleep for some time while thinking through the last few days. Based on his previous behavior, these episodes have probably been happening this entire time and I was completely unaware of it. As far back as our first meeting in New York, he had mentioned he didn’t sleep well. I felt sick because I hadn’t picked up on how bad it was sooner. I felt like I should have. There were days that he was clearly seeking solace and I was completely oblivious to the reasonings behind it. I needed to do better for him. 

As I replayed all our time together, it occurred to me that when he was with me, this didn’t happen. The nights he stayed with me in New York, he slept like the dead. The times he had fallen asleep on the couch with me at his side, he rested peacefully. I glanced back down at him. Surely, I wasn’t the thing keeping the nightmares away. It had to be a coincidence, or maybe it was just the simple fact that he wasn’t alone. 

Maybe the security of having someone at his side during his most vulnerable time gave him some type of relief. I sighed quietly to myself. This was certainly going to complicate things, but I didn’t care anymore. I made the decision to give that small part of myself that I had been holding back, over to him. I needed him to be happy more than I needed to protect myself. 

Around noon, he started to stir. I watched him as he briefly nuzzled his face into my chest. I could feel his fingertips tightening around my waist. He stilled his movements as his eyes popped open and briefly flicked around the room. Once they landed on mine, he gave a slight grimace as he went to move away from me, afraid he was doing something inappropriate. I stopped his movements with my left hand, indicating that he didn’t need to move. He looked confused, but settled back into his spot as he angled his body so that he could see my face. I continued stroking his hair and gave him a small smile. He gave me a half smile in return. 

“You doing ok this morning?” I asked him quietly. His brows drew down together, causing the lines to return between his eyes. 

“Yeah, I’m sor…”

“Don’t apologize. You don’t need to.”   

He sighed heavily at me.

“Can I ask you some questions? You can choose not to answer them.” He inhaled deeply as he said yes. 

“Does this happen often?” He scrunched his face up as he decided what to say. He wouldn’t look at me as he spoke.

“It’s something that’s happened for a while, though lately it seems to be getting worse. I think that’s because I’ve stopped drinking and self-medicating constantly. Sometimes it's just insomnia and sometimes it’s nightmares. I’ve been doing this whole cognitive behavior therapy thing since I got back from filming that last movie and the doctor put me on some benzos and antidepressants to help treat the symptoms, but I don’t think it’s working.”    

I was honestly shocked that he shared that much with me, though I didn’t necessarily think it was a big secret. He had told me he was going to therapy, and I had seen the medication bottles at his house. He had never talked about it though. 

“Have you told the doctor that it’s getting worse?”

“I’ve mentioned it, but he says it can sometimes take a while to work and could get worse before it gets better.” 

“It’s not bad all the time though, right? There are some days you seem ok.” 

“The nights are always the worst. I’m usually good during the day if I stay busy and I’m not alone.” 

“What about when you're not alone at night?” 

His face flushed a little at that question. He seemed unsure of how to answer it. He looked away again as he responded. 

“I’ll admit… that I seem to sleep perfectly fine… when I’m with you.” 

I nodded my head and gave him a small smirk. I believed him.  

“Well, if you need to stay with me, you can. I won’t question it. I don’t mind being your emotional support person.”

His eyes darted back to mine; they were wide with surprise. He gave me a small nod as his eyebrows shot up.  

We sat in silence for several minutes. Still in the intimate position we had woken up in. If this was going to become a thing, I knew I was in real danger of falling hard for this man. 

Dieter broke the silence by saying he really had to go pee. We both laughed. I had been about to bust since I woke up too. So, we finally rolled out of bed. I made us a quick breakfast then he ran over to his house. He said he had some scripts he needed to read through by the following day because he had a meeting with his agent, so he needed to get those. 

After he left, I freshened up a bit then threw my hair up in a messy bun and put on my overalls and a tank. It was my favorite workwear these days. I had decided to go downstairs to my craft room and continue working on some projects I had started. I was in the midst of sculpting a new figure at one of my standing tables when I heard Dieter calling out for me. I yelled back letting him know where I was. 

He walked in holding a thick binder and came to stand next to me, watching me work for a moment. I glanced over at him, noticing that he was looking me up and down. He hadn’t realized that I had turned to face him while he was shamelessly checking me out. I raised an eyebrow at him as his eyes met mine. He smiled as he bit his lip and raised his eyebrows in return. 

“I guess I’m busted on that one,” he said through a chuckle. His face had started to turn pink.

“Ugh, yeah.” I laughed with him. He reached over and tugged at the front of my overalls.

“Sorry, I just find this whole look incredibly adorable for some reason.”

He paused briefly, weighing if he should say more. A flirtatious grin spread across his face. 

“Especially when you wear them while you’re cooking in my kitchen.”  

My breath hitched a little at his words. I gave a small laugh as a lopsided grin spread across my face. I shook my head. I couldn’t believe he just said that. 

“Don’t you have something to do that doesn’t involve hitting on me?” I said jokingly. 

He motioned to his binder, “I do. I’m gonna go sit over here and read…and watch you do whatever it is you’re doing.” I rolled my eyes at him. 

“So those things come in binders now?” “Yeah, ever since some random girl at a bar spilled water on one in New York and I had to ask for my third copy. I’m surprised there aren’t page protectors too.” 

I couldn’t help but to give him a big grin. He gave me a toothy smile back as he walked toward one of the small chairs near the glass doors.   

“Will it bother you if I turn some music on?”

“Not at all.”

I fired up the Bluetooth speakers and let the music library on my phone randomly cycle through. I had to watch myself as I worked, making sure I wasn’t getting too carried away with my movements when a particularly catchy song played. I noticed it seemed to be distracting for Dieter when I did. I would glance over at him when I could feel his eyes on me and he would give me a smirk as he shook his head, trying to focus on his scripts. At this point I was completely comfortable around him and not afraid to act a little silly. I had never been like that with Justin. He would have been embarrassed by it. It was so refreshing to be able to let loose and have fun. I wish Dieter understood how I had been missing that in my life before him. 

We spent the entire day engrossed in what we were doing, only to briefly take a break to eat some leftovers for dinner. It was different to be working on a project with him there. Normally that was a solitary activity for me. He was still doing his own thing and we mostly worked in silence, but his presence was comforting. I liked it more than I wanted to admit. 

As it got close to bedtime, I decided I was going to go shower because I had clay and paint all over my hands and face too apparently. Dieter laughed at how messy I had gotten, again telling me it was adorable. I rolled my eyes at him again as I left the room.  

After I finished showering, I dried my hair, then walked out into the bedroom. Dieter was sitting in my bed under the blanket, propped up on the pillows. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and his hair looked damp. He was still reading through his scripts, now with his glasses on. His eyebrows were drawn together in concentration. The only light coming from the lamp on the nightstand beside him. I paused briefly, taking in the sight before me. I felt butterflies form in my stomach. Something about the scene hitting me hard. I gave a small laugh and smiled at him. He finally looked up, noticing me for the first time. One side of his mouth lifted in a smirk as he looked back down at his pages. 

“I’m gonna go grab some water, you want anything?” I asked him.

“Na, I’ll just drink some of yours.” He tried to contain his smile as he continued to look at his binder. I jokingly scoffed at him as I walked out of the room.       

I ran to grab a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and did a quick check to make sure everything was turned off and locked up for the night. It looked like Dieter had already taken care of all that. I felt some sort of unfamiliar emotion run through me. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it was different. I brushed that thought aside as I walked back to the bedroom. 

After I walked in, I stood taking a long drink of the water. Once I was finished, I put the lid back on and tossed it to him. He took a quick drink and set it on his nightstand. I crawled into bed and settled in beside him, facing in his direction. After I got comfortable, he reached over and started to absentmindedly stroke my hair and twirl it between his fingers. I drifted off to sleep almost immediately from the sensation. 

Sometime later, his movements jarred me awake. He was reaching over to set his binder down and turn off the light. In the dark, I could feel him twisting to face me as he snuggled down in the bed and situated his pillow. He scooted in closer and put his arm around my waist. I could feel his breath in my hair as his scent and body heat surrounded me. I didn’t hesitate to snuggle in closer to his chest and wrap my arm around him. I knew I was a goner by this point. I wasn’t going to be able to fight it much longer. Surprisingly, Dieter immediately fell asleep. I wasn’t far behind him. He slept through the night without incident. 

In the days that followed, this became our new nightly routine. We even spent a night at his house together. There was never anything sexual about it. We were both well behaved. However, I would be lying if I said there wasn’t an increase in the flirting and sexual tension between us. I knew it was only a matter of time before one of us broke. This whole thing was unsustainable. 

On Wednesday, Dieter got a call from his friend, Max, who was a well-known DJ. He was going to be in town the following day performing at a local club and really wanted him to come because they hadn’t seen each other in a couple of years. Max said the whole “crew” was going to be there. Dieter wasn’t particularly excited at the thought of seeing everyone else, but he did want to see Max. Dieter asked Lauren and I if we would like to go. I was a little apprehensive about it. I hadn’t been to a club since college but agreed to go. Lauren was always down for a good time and agreed too. 

Thursday afternoon, I was feeling a little anxious and had no idea what to wear. I was flipping through the items hanging in my closet when Lauren called to see what the plans were for the evening. Max was sending a car to pick us up around seven, so I told her to meet us here. I put the phone on speaker as I continued to dig through my closet. I asked her what she was wearing. She had some sort of silver sequined sparkly thing, because of course she did. 

“How about you wear that little black spaghetti strap dress we bought that one time. The one that has the see through strips on it. I’m pretty sure it’s still in the back of the closet with tags.” 

“The fact that you know what’s in my closet and where it is scares me. Also, I’m not wearing that. It’s short and that’s a lot of skin.” 

I heard Dieter yell something from where he was sprawled out on the bed, in nothing but his gym shorts, half tangled in the blankets, and sporting a serious case of bed head. We had been lazy in bed most of the day. He had been alternating between scrolling through his phone and watching tv while I worked on my laptop beside him. He had continued his activities as I got up to dig through the closet. He had been silent until now. I popped my head out of the closet, still holding my cell in my hand.

“Did you say something?”

“Yeah, I did. What little black dress? Lemme see it.” He was giving me his flirty smirk.

Lauren piped up, “Yeah Talia, let him see it.” 

“You guys’ fucking suck. Stop ganging up on me.” I said as I scoffed jokingly at them. They both laughed. I found the offending dress hidden at the back, just where Lauren said it would be, and brought it out to show him. His eyebrows shot up as he gave me a half grin. 

“I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. It gets my vote!”

“I don’t even know if this thing fits.” 

“So, try it on, obviously,” Lauren huffed out on the other end of the phone. 

“Geez, so much attitude today. Fine, I’ll try it on.” 

I walked back into the closet, changed into it quickly, and had a look in the mirror. 

“It’s not that bad actually.”

“Good. Wear it. You will look amazing and I’m sure you will turn heads.” Lauren said casually. I knew what she was hinting at.   

“Do I get to see it?” Dieter yelled from the bed. I could hear Lauren trying to stifle a laugh. 

“No. You can see it later.” 

“Jeeeerk,” he yelled out in response. I rolled my eyes at him as I changed back into my pajama shorts and tee. 

“Ok, crisis averted, I guess. I’ll see you here shortly, yeah?”

“Of course, I’ll be there with my party shoes on. You better bring some sunglasses because my sparkle is going to be epic,” Lauren said very enthusiastically. 

“Can’t wait!” I replied dryly before hanging up. 

Shortly after hanging up with Lauren, I hopped in the shower to start getting ready. Once I was out, I threw on my bathrobe and sat down at my makeup vanity to make myself presentable. Dieter knocked on the door, and I yelled for him to come in. 

“I’m gonna run over to my place and find something to wear that isn’t gym clothes. I’ll be back shortly.” 

I gave him a thumbs up and he disappeared from the doorway. 

I decided to go a little heavier on the makeup and add some eyeshadow and eyeliner and do some contouring. I figured that I might as well go all out. By the time I was adding products to my damp hair, Dieter popped back into the doorway. He was watching me silently as I started to dry my hair and run the brush through it. He stood there until I was finished. I gave him a questioning look in the mirror. 

“Sorry to be a nuisance, but can you show me how to use the steam function on your dryer so I can get the wrinkles out of my clothes?” 

He looked embarrassed to be asking and it was pretty damn adorable. I gave a small chuckle before getting up to show him. I tried to explain to him how to change the settings, but he just stared at me with a confused look. I gave up and started it for him, then headed back to finish getting ready. All I had left was my hair, and I decided to leave it down in loose waves to complete the look.

 After I finished with my hair, I gave myself a quick squirt of perfume on my neck and wrist. Then, I walked out into the bedroom to my dresser to figure out what to wear under the dress. I had a feeling that a bra was out of the question because of the way it was cut. I let out a little huff when I realized that. I silently hoped there would be no nip slips in my future. The straps on the dress were adjustable, so hopefully it would be a snug fit to hold everything in. I shook my head out of annoyance. I grabbed a pair of black lace boy short panties and briefly held them up to check the sizing. I hadn’t worn them in ages but figured it may cut back on pantie lines. I wasn’t down to wear thongs with a shorter dress. 

Once I was satisfied with my choice, I turned to find Dieter standing in the doorway of the bedroom, looking at me a little wide-eyed. He blushed slightly and gave me a half grin. Clearly, he had seen those. I tried not to look embarrassed and ignored the awkward situation. 

“Is Lauren here yet?”

“Uhhh… no,” was all he managed to get out before he cleared his throat.

“I’m just gonna grab some stuff out of my bag and go take a quick shower.”

“That’s a good choice. I’m not sure there’s any hope for your hair otherwise.” I shot back with a chuckle. 

“You can use my shower if you want. I’m done in there.”’

He gave me a small nod before bending down and digging through his bag. I made my way over to the closet. I could feel his eyes on me as I moved, but I ignored it. I guess he now had a visual to keep his mind busy for the evening. 

I spent the next few minutes digging for my black strappy heels and trying to decide on accessories. I went with some simple silver drop earrings and a silver cuff bracelet. Then I changed into my outfit for the evening. 

The dress wasn’t too short. It hit mid-thigh and was fitted. It was a slightly heavier fabric with a triangular shaped bodice that provided a flattering look. It had a crochet ladder trim which lined the underside of the bust and the top edges of the bodice that allowed just a hint of skin to peek through. I felt like it was sexy, but still classy. 

Of course, as I tried to zip the back of it, it got hung up. I tried for several minutes without success to close the zipper. I dropped my head in defeat, knowing that I was going to have to ask Dieter to do it. It had gotten stuck toward the bottom, so the black lace of my panties was just barely visible. He was about to get an eye full. 

I sighed as I walked out into the bedroom, finding him standing there, with wet hair in nothing but a towel, holding several products in his hand that he was pulling from his bag. He nearly dropped them as my sudden appearance startled him. He looked at me with wide eyes. 

“I’m sorry to ask, but can you help with the zipper? It’s stuck.”

He gave me a slow nod as he walked toward me, sitting the items he had been holding down on the end of the bed. I turned away from him trying to ignore the fact that he was only wearing a towel, and revealed my bare back and sliver of lace that was peeking out. I glanced back at him over my shoulder, noticing he swallowed hard. He cleared his throat as he reached out to fiddle with the zipper. His hands sent a searing heat through my body as they lightly grazed over the bare skin of my lower back. 

“What is it with you and zippers?” He asked with a chuckle. This clearly had him thinking about the incident with my pants in New York. 

After a minute of struggling with the offending closure, it finally started to slide upward. Then he clasped the hook shut at the top. His hands gently glided to my shoulders, giving them a small squeeze to let me know he was done. 

I said a quiet thank you as I went to stand in front of the dresser mirror. I reached up, attempting to adjust the straps, but struggled because they adjusted toward the back. Dieter appeared behind me again to assist. Our eyes met in the mirror as he tightened the first strap. We stayed locked in an intense gaze until he finished with it. 

“You look amazing,” he said without meeting my eyes again. I gave him a small smile as I continued to watch him in the mirror. He gently brushed my hair away from the second strap. I tilted my head slightly so that it would stay out of the way, revealing my bare neck to him. I noticed his eyes graze down the length of my neck before he started to work on the second strap. When he was finished, he reached up to let his hand settle on my exposed neck, his thumb gently rubbed as his eyes met mine in the mirror again. 

“Is that good?” He asked with a small smirk on his face. His eyes were smoldering and dark as he arched an eyebrow at me. 

It was my turn to clear my throat as I slowly nodded my head up and down. A nervous smile spread across my face. 

“Good, I’m gonna finish getting ready then.”

He turned, grabbing the items he had set on the bed and headed back to the bathroom. I could feel a flush creeping up my neck and into my cheeks from his contact. I suddenly felt an ache between my legs causing me to clench my thighs together in search of relief. I had a gut feeling that tonight was going to be interesting. 

My thoughts were interrupted by Lauren’s voice calling from the living room. 

“The party is here bitches!” 

I chuckled to myself and rolled my eyes as I grabbed my shoes and black clutch from just inside the closet door. I heard Dieter laughing in the bathroom as I walked out toward the living room to meet her. Lauren immediately caught sight of me.

“Damn girl, you look fucking hot.” 

She lowered her voice before continuing, “Has he seen you yet?”

I could feel my face flushing again as I nodded yes. She started laughing. 

“Why do you have that look on your face? Did something happen?” She asked quietly while also keeping an eye out for Dieter as she spoke. 

I scoffed, “No. Nothing happened.” 

She raised her brows at me, “I don’t believe that for a second.” 

“There may potentially be some sexual tension building.” 

“Oh, that’s just now happening, is it? I was under the impression that’s been happening for months.” 

I gave her an annoyed look and shot her the bird. She smiled sweetly and flipped me off in return. 

About that time, Dieter came strutting down the hallway. He was looking particularly handsome in some fitted black jeans and deep red V-neck tee that emphasized his broad chest and muscular arms. He had styled his hair into messy perfection. As he entered the living room, his eyes immediately landed on Lauren in her silver sequined scoop neck top that had a strappy open back. She had paired it with a black mini skirt. 

“Geez woman, you’re going to blind everyone with that get up,” Dieter said through laughter as he walked toward her. He pulled her into a side hug before saying, “I’m only kidding, you look great. If there ever was anyone to pull off all that bling it’s you, mi pequeña girasol. I’ve said from the beginning you're a walking ray of sunshine.” 

“Oh geez, let’s not inflate her ego anymore, please.” 

Lauren flipped me off again, “If the gentleman wants to compliment me, then there is no need to stop him,” she replied with a sarcastic smile. 

I gave her an exaggerated eye roll as Dieter laughed at our bickering. 

We sat chatting for a few minutes as we waited for our ride. I noticed Dieter sneaking glances over at me when he thought I wasn’t looking. Lauren had noticed too based on the smirk she kept trying to hide. 

We didn’t have to wait long, as we soon heard a horn honking. We gathered up our things, put on our shoes, then headed out to the black SUV waiting in the driveway. Lauren was quick to get in on one side in the back making sure I had to sit next to Dieter. I sat sandwiched between the two of them. I felt like she was purposefully taking up more space than necessary, forcing me closer into his side. Nearly the entire length of our bodies were touching. I could smell his cologne wafting around me mixing with the scent of my perfume. It was intoxicating. 

He seemed nervous during the ride. I couldn’t tell if it was me making him nervous or the fact that we were about to be around his friends. It may have been a little of both since he seemed reluctant to have any physical contact with me since the zipper incident. It had clearly rattled us both. 

Sensing that he needed some reassurance, I reached over and sat my hand on his arm and gave it a small squeeze. This seemed to do the trick as he moved his hand from his lap and laced his fingers with mine. He reached his other hand over and sat it on top of our entwined fingers and started rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. I glanced back toward Lauren and noticed she had arched a brow in my direction, then rolled her eyes as she turned to look out the window. 

Once we arrived at the venue, we immediately noticed the large crowd out front and a lot of camera flashes going off. I hadn’t been prepared for that. Dieter spoke up and asked the driver to take us to the back entrance. I think Lauren and I were both relieved. 

We made our way inside and were led to a large dressing room in the back. It was full of people. Several I recognized from the get together at Dieter’s house, including Anna. She was wearing what I could only describe as a brown silky looking potato sack with a belt. It looked about three sizes too big and wasn’t flattering at all. It had no shape to it except for the weird puffy shoulders. Clearly, I did not understand the current fashions. 

Anna was quick to come over and greet us, then led us over to Max. She decided she was going to introduce Lauren and I, noting that we were friends of Dieter’s. Max gave both of us an obvious head to toe look. I felt Dieter slide one of his hands around my waist, almost possessively as he reached forward to shake his friend's hand. I couldn’t help the smirk that formed on my face. 

“Hey man, how have you been?” He asked Max casually.

“I’ve been great, actually. I’m going on two years sober and feel like I’ve finally got my life together. You?”

“Happy to hear that. Yeah, I’ve been trying to get my shit together too. It’s a slow process, but I’ve been doing well overall I think.”

The two friends chatted for a bit, catching up on each other's lives. Lauren and I moved off to the side to give them a minute. Anna got bored with them quickly and went back to her group, which was already being obnoxious. 

I noticed as Max and Dieter chatted, Max kept glancing at Lauren, who was beside me telling me about something that happened in one of her classes that week. She was completely oblivious to it. I bumped her shoulder and leaned in closer once I had her attention.

“I think the hot DJ may have a thing for you. He keeps checking you out.” 

She gave me a disgusted face, “I’m not interested in the slightest. He’s not my type.” 

“Since when is tall, blonde, and handsome not your type?” 

“I dunno, there’s something kind of skeevy about him. He probably sleeps around.” 

I didn’t disagree there. I could see it. I shrugged and nodded in agreement. 

Dieter moved over next to me, with Max following behind. 

“Ladies, if you all need anything tonight, please let me or my assistant know, and we’ll get you taken care of. It was nice meeting you.” 

He lightly touched Lauren on the back of the shoulder as he said that last line, then he walked off. She glanced over at me, clearly annoyed by it. Dieter chuckled as he linked his arms with ours.

“Come on ladies, let’s go check out the VIP area and join the festivities.” 

As we walked down the hallway, the loud thumping of the music grew louder while the lights grew dimmer. We walked through the doorway into a cordoned off area that opened to the stage. There were twenty or so people milling around the area. Some leaned in closely to chat over the music while they sipped on drinks, others were dancing. The right wall was lined with couches. There were high top bistro tables dispersed around the perimeter. The left side was lined with a metal railing that overlooked the crowd of dancers down below. 

A server brought us some drinks as we stood around and chatted. Max was introduced a short time later to excited screams, then the party started. Once the three of us were a couple of drinks in, we started to loosen up a little and have a good time. Dancing to the music while we watched Max do his thing. 

Soon after the show started, Anna and some guy came over to chat with us. I watched her reach into her purse and pull out a baggie of pills. She held it up in the air as she shook it to offer some to us all. Lauren and I were a little shocked about her nonchalance. Dieter gave her an annoyed look and shook his head no. She yelled, “Suit yourself,” as she took one and handed the baggie to the guy standing beside her. He took one too. She looked annoyed as they walked off and started distributing the substance to anyone who wanted it. Clearly, I was getting a full taste of his world this evening.

Dieter leaned into Lauren and I, “Sorry about that. Just ignore them and watch your drinks.”   

We both nodded in agreement with wide eyes. I had honestly never experienced something like that, and to see it happen so freely was a little jarring. I had guessed this was the lifestyle that he was attempting to leave behind, but to see it was a whole other thing. 

As the night went on, we continued to drink and enjoy ourselves but also kept away from the others. They were getting a little too wild for our liking. When Max would take breaks, he spent them with us and shamelessly flirted with Lauren. She was having none of it. She was nice, but ignored his advances, which seemed to spur him on more. It was comical to watch. I still found it odd that she wasn’t even entertaining the idea, because he was a good-looking guy.   

Around ten, I noticed Lauren stepping aside to look at her phone. She came back and let me know she was going to head out because she had to open the shop in the morning. She said she had gotten an uber and would text me when she got home. She seemed strangely eager to get out of there. Maybe she had finally had enough of Max for the evening. 

After Lauren left, Anna and a few of the others came over to Dieter and me. They were sloppy drunk and high on who knows what. They were trying to get us to dance with them. We humored them for a short time, but he got annoyed at how handsy they were being because it was clearly making me uncomfortable. The first chance he got, he grabbed my hand and pulled me downstairs toward the crowd. 

“Is it ok to be down here? Won’t people bother you?” I yelled at him over the music. 

“Na, probably not. It’s too dark and everyone is pretty wasted,” he yelled back with a smile. 

We went over to the bar to get another drink. He finished his off quickly and said he was going to run to the bathroom. I waited at the bar while I worked on my drink. It didn’t take long for some random guy to come up beside me and offer to buy me another round. 

“No, thanks, I’m good.” I said to him without looking in his direction. 

“Aww come on sweetheart, you’re not even going to give me a chance here?”

At this point, I turned toward him. I put on my “fucking scary” face for full effect. “No, because I’m not interested.” 

He leaned back slightly, looking surprised, but his confidence didn’t waiver. 

“I promise I can make it worth your time.” He gave me a cocky grin, like that was supposed to do something for me. 

I gave him a sarcastic smile, “I’m going to say this as plainly as I can. FUCK. OFF. Or else you're gonna get your throat punched.”

I could see Dieter in my periphery. He had heard me and was laughing. 

The guy in front of me looked a little rattled. Clearly that wasn’t the response he was expecting. He sat frozen in place, unsure of what to say next. 

“You can get up and leave at any time now.” 

Dieter leaned against the bar behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist as he did so.

“I’d probably listen to her, friend. She’s not one you want to mess with.”  

The guy's eyes widened before he dropped his head in defeat and left.  We both laughed as I turned to lean my back against the bar. Dieter leaned in closely to speak into my ear. He was still leaning on the bar with one hand but set the other on my hip. 

“It’s so fucking hot when you do that.” 

“When I do what?”

“Lay the law down.” 

I bit my lip, holding back a smile as I looked up at him. His eyes dropped to my lips briefly before meeting my eyes. He leaned in again, touching his forehead to mine.

“Come on, let’s go dance,” he said as he grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the sea of people. 

As the latest round of alcohol started to hit, any inhibitions we had were slowly dissipating. This wasn’t two friends hanging out and having fun aimlessly dancing to music. This was something else. After a couple of songs passed, our bodies merged and moved as one while our hips swayed to a Latin beat that was pounding through the sound system. I turned, backing into his chest as he grabbed my hips and pulled me in close against him. My head dropped back against his shoulder. He buried his face in the crook of my neck as we continued to move. I reached up, running my hand through his sweaty hair at the base of his neck and tugged it slightly. Causing him to groan into my ear. The scent of his cologne and him was all around me. All the stimuli sent my senses into overdrive, causing the familiar ache between my legs.   

He grabbed my hips, turning me to face him. He slid his hands down to my ass and pulled me in close as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Our foreheads pressed together as we continued to move. He playfully leaned me backward, exposing my neck. As he did so, he rubbed his nose up the length of it, settling it next to my ear as I raised my head back up.

“How about we get outta here and go home?” 

I leaned back to look him in the eye. His eyes were black with lust as he gave me a cocky grin. I smiled back and shook my head in agreement. He grabbed my hand and led me toward the staircase we had come down. As we got closer, I could see Anna standing at the top by the railing. She was looking in our direction, her face unreadable. We said our goodbyes, all the while never letting go of each other. We made our way to the back exit, where our car was waiting to take us home. 

Once in the SUV, Dieter put his arm around me, pulling me in close to his side. He bent his arm up to stroke and twirl my hair as he often liked to do. I leaned my head onto his chest and rested my hand on his thigh. I used my other hand to check my phone, seeing a text from Lauren to let me know she had gotten home ok. I sent her a thumbs up emoji before locking my phone and setting it back down at my side.

“Are you hungry or anything? Do we need to stop and feed you before we go home?” He asked with humor in his voice. 

I gave a small laugh, “No, we have some leftover baked spaghetti at home that sounds pretty good right now.”  

“Good call,” he said with a quick nod.

As soon as we got home, I pulled my heels off and shuffled toward the kitchen. Dieter wasn’t far behind me. I pulled the leftovers out of the refrigerator as he got plates and utensils out. I scooped each of us a portion out and heated it in the microwave. 

After it was heated, I sat perched on the island as I ate. Dieter stood across from me, leaning against the counter eating his. He sat his plate down to grab each of us a bottle of water. As he handed me mine, I sat my plate down to open it and take a drink. As I was putting the lid back on, I noticed he was staring at me with an amused look on his face. 

“What?” I asked, a little confused.

“You have sauce all over your face.” 

He moved to grab a paper towel, then came over to wipe it off, shaking his head at me as he did so. I smiled up at him in amusement. He pushed my hair back over my shoulder to make sure he had gotten it all. I turned my face away from him, exposing my neck. I felt his thumb slide down the side of my face, continuing down the length of my neck before he pulled it away. He put both of his hands on either side of my legs on the counter, leaning on it as I turned to meet his gaze. I bit my lip as I knotted my hand into the front of his shirt, pulling him to stand closer. Then I wrapped my legs around his hips, pulling him closer still. Our eyes stayed locked together as we searched each other’s faces. Each of us fighting the magnetic pull but losing. I felt the light touch of his fingertips on my bare thighs as they slowly worked their way upwards, pausing just below the hem of my dress. 

We both sat frozen as he pressed his forehead to mine. Our breathing started to speed up while we danced around taking it further. Both of us were reluctant to close the distance between us. Knowing that if we did, everything would change. I felt his hands flatten out and slide around the sides of my thighs, gripping them somewhat tightly, then he stopped his movements. He pulled back slightly, looking me directly in the eye. Our lips were inches apart. He reached up to cup my cheek as I tightened my grip on his shirt and inhaled deeply.

“Fuck it.” A/N: So, who do we think finally broke here? It could go either way really. I think it's pretty obvious that the next chapter is going to be a little smutty. 😉

Next Chapter

Tag List: @rhoorl, @bitchwitch1981, @readingiskeepingmegoing, @runningmom94, @for-a-longlongtime, @hisandsnakes, @chaoticfestninja, @survivingandenduring, @partyofone3413

Let me know in the comments below if you would like to be added to the tag list.

[inventedfangirling]

BEST of BL's in 2023 [Thai edition]

(more accurately my favourites from 2023, so that i have something to show for the 100s of hours i spent watching them lmao)

I Feel You Linger In The Air - Head & Shoulders above (almost) every single piece of queer media i've ever watched. Khun Yai and Jom will be forever icons. That drunk poem confession will NEVER be topped. Also LESBIANS AHHHHHH also the way the show explored intimacy AHHH just end meeee

2. Moonlight Chicken - Aof strikes again. Gave me Uncle Jim, Heart, Li Ming and my baby boy Gaipa- the music, the cinematography, the writing, the found fckin family - i will recommend it to EVERY one on the planet if i could.

3. Be My Favourite- I did not expect to enjoy this show as much as i did. I loved what they were tryna say. I LOVED the queer undertones in EVERYTHING. if not for the asexual erasure and Not being an absolute asshole this would have been quite the perfect show. And man is Gawin so darn sculpted perfection, LOOK AT THAT FACE, how to not admire!? Also Pearmai my beloved. AND THAT POEM in episode 11 ARGHHH

4. Bed Friend - I know this was a polarizing series in a lot of ways and I agree to some of the complaints raised BUTTTTTT NET MY FRENZ NET! How am i supposed to not melt into a complete puddle watching King pretend to not be absolutely in love with Uea, and treating him like the babygirl he is, when he looks like THAT. I'm but a mere mortal.

5. La Pluie - I kinda liked the show and disliked it in equal amounts. Saengtai annoyed me quite a LOT towards the end BUT his brother Sangtien - Suar Kritsanaphong had me in the palm of his hand. Him and his kiss with Lomfon is etched firmly in my brain. It HAD to be on this list.

6. Only Friends - Gawd. The Promise. The Promise of it all. Thats what maddens me THE MOST. There was just SO MUCH that they could have done. Even if they stuck with a lot of their similar choices i would have still put it higher up on the list if they hadn't undone all the good work they did in the final episode. I couldnt even bring myself to rewatch anything from this one cos of how disappointingly it ended. That being said - FirstKhao KILLED it as usual, i CANNOT wait for their next one, BOSTON deserved better and my MVP- Mark Pakin AHHH i NEED him on EVERY SHOW EVER but also in ways concerning to me GAWD WHAT A TALENT AND WHAT A FACE.

7. Laws of Attraction - Charn you guys. Charn and his utterly deranged expressions and his even more deranged ex. And ofc everything else the show offered. The drama. The mystery. The family. The romance. THE LESBIANS!!!!? Few things not to love. Especially the finale with all the domestic husbanding going on. Precious af.

8. Hidden Agenda - Far too much nonsensical plotlessness going on here for this to claim this position BUT i'm just a girl watching Joong swoon over his man and losing it in the corridor and proceeding to do that myself cos man he's so damn good in these kinda scenes. I think he'd be good in more serious ones too but I would much prefer it if it was with somebody who could offer more than Dunk (no shade he very cute himself)

POTENTIAL FAVS

The following is a list of shows i loved/liked it a LOT but still watching/running so I can't fully judge

(in no particular order except the first one cos who am i to put an aof show not at the top of any list)

Last Twilight [BEST THING EVER I AM WHOLLY AND IRRETRIEVABLY IN LOVE IM GONNA REWATCH IT LIKE ITS MY JOB PLS I NEED IT TO STICK THE LANDING SO BAD]

Love in Translation - episode 4 what a beauty, one of my fav episodes of any BL in 2023 ever- just LOVED the whole fake date thing - it was EVERYTHING

Wedding Plan - Leads are cute. Lesbians are cuter. Made me laugh. Also CUTENESS hello

Night Dream - Who doesn't love a long unrequited but actually totally requited love story?

The Sign - nothing i can ever say is gonna be enough to encompass just how mind-blowing this series is from concept to execution to CGI to costumes to the gorgeous leads with fckin electric chemistry AND the PINING and the will they won't they arhhhh- TOP TIER STUFF

Cooking Crush - i went into this with minimal expectations, the trailer didnt do much for me BUT oh my gawd i had SO MUCH FUN with each episode, i laughed SO much and i am very much looking forward to the rest of it

Cherry Magic - TayNew back again together. Karan and his gorgeous existence. Loved the og. The trope where one believes they are hard to love & someone who loves them like it’s breathing- its literally made for this show and i am SUPER excited where it goes. PLS PLS PLS let them keep the aroace character aroace PLEASE!?!?!?

[shinakazami1]

I decided to write my live written thoughts for each Ep as I will play New Tales from Borderlands to figure out what's happening 👀

NEW TALES: EPISODE 2

- THE SONG SEQUENCE HELLO? 😭😭 I know the main characters had to wait but it was silly in an awkward way. Like my guys disliked each other (4/10 relation) so them trying to team up and then later failing to save Juniper just makes them such girlfails I love it.

- I don't get why did they have to make the full 'not DNA siblings' though. Some parts feel forced just to make some sort of joke or comment and that felt like one of them. Awkward humour is a constant with few breaks but once again, I feel that's the typical Borderlands writing.

- I'm going to try look back to Tales but in comparisment, these QuickTime events feel way slower? I wonder if it's a stylistic choice or accessibility one but they more often felt like they were just judging me

- Close enough - welcome back, solid snake (Octavio in a box)

- HELP THE FRICKING VAULTLAUNDER FIGHTS 😭😭😭 I was wondering for their combat as I've seen it in the menu. Weird that this is the minimage you can't skip while it takes as much thinking.

- voice acting on the 3 tediore soldiers is so silly kshwhwhs

- Why DID THEY MAKE THE POINT OF FRANK SEEMING DUMB she is in this run anger driven ofc but

-I love how Octavio maintain a point Juniper should get in any way but the last ep she got stuck,,,, But I'm glad Juniper is seen as cute

- BUT ALSO FRAN HAVING A CRUSH OR WHATEVER ON OCTAVIO 😭😭😭😭😭 like yes folks are like that sometimes, and the way he called her unconventionally attractive for Boost is silly to me. He knows it is important to her but it does seem one sided

- "You think too much, way much actually" IS A QUOTE INDEED

- also there was a thing with hole being too small for Fran and they left her but like in next sequence, she immediately was back? Idk if it's just the relationship or me succeeding beforehand a quick time event that got me there but it did feel a tad unnecessary s we already established Fran can be stubborn

- "It's an expression" "You're an expression" WHY DO I FIND IT FUNNY IT'S THE SAME HUMOR LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE

[autisticempathydaemon]

Hi! This is for your redacted match-up game because I love reading them (you put so much work and thought into them!!) and it seemed super fun ^v^ (if you have the time for it ofc. If you can't do this then it’s totally cool and you can just brush it away from your to do pile <3 also thank you if you do this one)

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why? It was hard to choose, buuuuttt I chose, “Greenlight” by Pitbull ft. Flo Rida, LunchMoney Lewis, because of the vibe and it’s a song that reminds me of summer 2016, which was such a fun summer for me (and it’s been in my head for the past day). No specific lyrics or verses I like since I don’t usually listen to songs because of the lyrics. Altho if they have beautiful lyrics (like Hozier songs) then more props to the song :)

What is your Enneagram type? Type 3w4. 

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why? I like to watch really long videos, but I’m not sure if they count as essays. I watch “BHultra” a lot. I watch a lot more commentary/essay videos that are 30-40 minutes long (mostly talking about childhood tv shows or fashion/fashion history).

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend. Didn’t have one, but I lied and said I “had an imaginary friend named Bob”, because I thought I was supposed to have one and thought the name Bob was funny.

What is your go-to way to fall asleep? Gotta have a heavier blanket somewhere on me, as well as sleeping on my stomach or on my side as well as with my stuffed animal. More often than not I have to fall asleep and listen to older youtube videos that I watched when I was a kid because I already know what happens and they are comfort vids.

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?) I like my name, but if I'd have to change it, I’d like the name Adelaide. It’s classic and sweet sounding. 

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why? One of my favorite audios is Milo’s “Healing Your Feisty Werewolf Boyfriend” because I love the parallel to the first time Sweetheart healed him, and the cuddling at the end is so cute!

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.) I’m not sure how much hype he has, but Ivan is kinda just meh. I’m not super into the yandere thing (even though I know Vega kinda led that whole ordeal) and the rest of his videos are alright, but, don’t really excite me a whole bunch to relisten to them. (Still haven’t listen to quite a few of the other characters, like Vega, Regulus, Anton, Brachium, but I’ll get there eventually).

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to. Gravity Falls. I’ve watched it wayyy too many times and can literally quote the majority of the episodes.

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend? I really would like to be friends with Huxley. He’s so chill and sweet. Absolutely can vibe with the dude. Also, maybe, Guy. He’s much more energetic and I don’t think I could match his pace all of the time without tiring quickly (i usually try to match people’s personalities when I’m with them), but I think he’d be super fun to go places with, as well as I would enjoy gossiping and talking about writing stuff with him.

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.) If I’m tired I don’t normally talk a whole bunch, but I do start thinking about life and how short and long it is, and all the wonderful things and how much I’ve grown as a person. And if I start feeling anxious, then that’s when I realize that I am way past “kinda tired” and I should be going to sleep.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo. Don’t have a “go-to” gas station but I always get a blue raspberry slushie/icee

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. “𝙥𝙤𝙫: 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙞𝙙𝙙𝙡𝙚 𝙨𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙡 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟗-𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟐 :3 (Part 1)” on Youtube. Majority of those songs are dance songs and all those songs bring back good memories. I really like more hyper sounding music than slower songs.

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why? Hmm roleplay asmr is probably the biggest guilty pleasure I have, since I don’t talk about it with anyone. Also listening to Nickelback would probably be another big guilty pleasure, even though lots of people like it, listening to it is still “lol you listen to Nickelback?? really???”.

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are! INFP; 99% sure I have anxiety and OCD (haven’t actually gotten professionally diagnosed bcuz of reasons, cuz oof); Oldest kid; I really like to draw, read and write; I really like taking pictures of the sky and candid shots; I’m a very nostalgic person (altho my answers probably make that obvious); Can’t watch horror movies; Love cats; People think I’m always upset or angry cuz of my resting bitch face but I literally am not usually thinking of any mean response to whatever is happening, I’m just absorbing everything happening; Not a super big math/coding person (kudos to anyone that is great at that stuff, you’re absolutely awesome for that!); i guess sort of a pushover unless I really really care about something; anddddd i'm kinda the therapist friend.

Easy peasy- a therapist friend needs a partner who is least likely to need a therapist and/or is skilled enough at handling boundaries to know the proper place to seek therapy which is not with you. Hence, Camelopardalis!

Of course, those aren’t the only reasons. Type Threes are characterized by a desire to be loved and to be sure of that love, and Cam gives me the impression of an openly affectionate and communicative partner. He’s an introvert; you’re an introvert. You’re a nostalgic-kind of person; who better to share in that than an eons-old, immortal daemon? (Until told otherwise by God and/or Erik, the d(a)emons are heckin ancient to me.) Cam is also a great partner to pair if suffering from anxiety and compulsions, almost the most out of all the boys.

Life with Camelopardalis would be so sweet, so domestic, so full of the joy of sharing with him everyday human delights he might not take part in usually. For starters, you obviously get a cat. He objectively knew a cat would be cool, but with you, he learns to love cats. You also show him Gravity Falls which he doesn’t expect to like; he’s surprised by what a heartfelt show it is for being animated and based on such a silly concept. (He feels a lot for Mabel, as he should /lh) He loves your art but especially your photos of the sky. He puts them all over your shared house, and they stay up even after you’re gone.

Song:

Like the shadow that's by your side/ I'll be there/ For better or worse/ 'Til death do us part/ I'll love you with every beat of my heart/ I swear/ I'll give you everything I can/ I'll build your dreams with these two hands/ We'll hang some memories on the wall/ And when there's silver in your hair/ You won't have to ask if I still care/ 'Cause as time turns the page/ My love won't age at all

Though you like nostalgic songs that are more suited to dancing, I think Cam likes nostalgic songs that are more contemplative and slow. For you two, I settled on a song that’s more of a nostalgic, slow dance vibe, you know what I mean? I couldn’t resist for two reasons. One, the lyrics of devoted, lasting love suited him too well. Two, it delighted me and tickled me pink to imagine Cam listening to a nineties boy band.

Runner-ups:

Geordi is my favorite runner-up for you, because he’s another great partner for a Type Three, another boy who’s very openly loving and sweet. He’s also, if I remember correctly, canonically been to therapy already, so he’s less likely to need your services as a therapy friend. Morgan is a runner-up because I like this vibe in tandem with your anxiety; like, I think he’d be a calming, comforting presence to you. Also, you two should get a cat.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[foundtherightwords]

All Our Yesterdays - Chapter 1

Pairing: Ralph (Timewasters) x OFC

Summary: Thu, a museum archivist, only wants to escape her dull life in 21st-century Hanoi. The last thing she expects is to end up in 1929 Indochina via a time-traveling elevator and cross paths with Ralph, an Englishman on the run from the French Foreign Legion. Romance blossoms between them, but in a colonized country, unrest is always looming on the horizon, and Thu must decide if she wants to stay with Ralph in the past or return to the safety of the future.

A/N: In the show, Ralph ends up somewhere in Morocco or Algeria (judging by this photo - thank you, @quinnkeerys, for doing the Lord's work), but I'm more familiar with French Indochina, and a Legion regiment was stationed there at the time, so I transferred him there to make the research easier for me.

A few notes on the Vietnamese names/pronunciation:

- Thu is pronounced like "too", but with a softer "t" sound. - The "D/d" letter in Vietnamese is pronounced as "z", so for example, "áo dài" (long tunic, the national costume of Vietnam) is pronounced like "ao zai". "Đ/đ" is pronounced as "d". It's confusing, I know. - For easier reading, I left the diacritics out of the characters' names (Hoang instead of Hoàng, Phuong instead of Phương, Lien instead of Liên.) The place names and other nouns are kept intact though. If they are difficult to read or mess up the format, let me know and I'll take them out.

Also, I only watched the first 2 episodes of "Timewasters" (the ones featuring Ralph), so I had no idea what is canon about the time machine.

Warnings: outdated/period-typical attitudes, mentions of war, mentions of pregnancy and abortion (involving a supporting character), some angst (it's mostly fluff but you know me, I can't do without angst altogether), some smut (non-explicit)

Chapter warnings: outdated attitudes about women/marriage

Chapter word count: 3.3k

Chapter 1

"Thu, are you even listening to me?" Hoang's irritated voice brought Thu out of her reverie. With difficulty, she turned her eyes away from the vendor selling tofu pudding—tào phớ—outside. The vendor's hand was moving in a blur, scooping silky tofu from the big container into smaller cups and pouring sugar water on top. She was remembering how, in her childhood, such vendors would use a big mussel shell as a scoop instead of the ubiquitous aluminum ones now, and how the tào phớ of childhood seemed to taste sweeter, fresher. Now she was struck by a sudden craving. It was the first of September, but summer was still holding on stubbornly, and the air-conditioned interior of the coffee shop felt close, stuffy. A bowl of cool, slightly sweet, jasmine-infused tào phớ would just hit the spot.

"You want some tào phớ?" she asked Hoang.

"What?" Her boyfriend stared blankly back. She nodded toward the vendor, and Hoang made a face. "No. And you shouldn't either. It's not sanitary, you know. I wish the city would just ban all street vendors. So untidy."

Thu rolled her eyes. "But they're such an integral part of Hanoi!" she protested. "It's been that way for hundreds of years and will continue to be."

"I doubt it," Hoang said callously. "Already there are fewer of them after the pandemic. People's buying and eating habits are changing. Soon they'll be gone, just you wait."

Thu sat back, chagrined. They had had this argument often enough for her to know it was a losing battle. She shouldn't have said anything at all.

"Anyway," Hoang continued, "we're good for this Saturday?"

"What's happening Saturday?"

"My parents coming to talk to yours."

"About what?"

"About the wedding, what else? Have you not listened to a word I said at all?"

The truth was that she had tuned out the moment Hoang mentioned his mother had been to see a fortune-teller. It was exhausting, the way his mother always consulted fortune-tellers before doing anything, so after a while, Thu stopped listening. But now, the mention of "wedding" sent a chill through her, as she realized what it could mean.

"Wedding?" she repeated, trying to hide her rising panic.

Hoang let an exasperated breath out through his nose. "Yes, our wedding. Mom is determined to have it before the Lunar New Year."

"Before the Lunar New Year..." Thu did some mental calculations. "But that's only five months away!"

"So what? Plenty of time to plan a wedding."

"But why the rush?"

"Because you're turning twenty-six next year, and it's not an auspicious age to get married," Hoang explained, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"So let's wait until I turn twenty-seven then! Or twenty-nine!"

"Come on, we are going to get married anyway, what's the difference a year or two going to make?"

It makes all the difference in the world! Thu wanted to shout, before stopping herself in time. She and Hoang had been together for four years, and it had always been understood that they would eventually get married, though they had never officially discussed it. And now, when Hoang finally brought it up, she realized, with horror, that she did not want to get married. Not yet. Perhaps even not at all. There was so much she wanted to do.

"I want to get my Master's first," she said.

"You can do that after we're married," Hoang replied breezily.

Easier said than done. After they got married, there would be kids (When are you going to have a baby?), responsibilities, and more kids (Two is always better than one, you know!), and before she knew it, her life would settle into monotonous drudgery, rushing home after work to put dinner on the table, dropping off squalling kids at daycare and picking them up again, arguing about what primary school to enroll them in, and on and on and on. Try as she might, she could picture none of the marital bliss people often boasted about. She shuddered and reached for her pendant, twisting it between her fingers as she always did whenever she was nervous.

"Actually... my parents might have... plans this Saturday," she said, trying to stall.

"Really?" Hoang raised an eyebrow. "But when my mom called, your mom said it was all good."

Thu's stomach churned in anger. Her mother always did that, deciding what was best for her without asking what she wanted. "Looks like they got it all under control," she said coldly.

Hoang didn't hear, or pretended that he didn't hear the frosty note in her voice. He leaned back and took a sip of his iced coffee. "Yep, I figured, moms have a lot more experience in this kind of thing, so why not let them take charge? They're happy, we don't have to worry about all the trivial details; it's a win-win."

Thu clamped down a bitter retort. It wasn't that Hoang didn't make an effort in their relationship; he remembered her birthday and their anniversary and other important dates, but he was always very matter-of-fact about them. His gifts were the practical kind, and he never got her flowers, saying there was no point since they were going to die anyway. Anything else would just be a "trivial detail" to him. She appreciated his pragmatism, but once in a while, she wished they could have been a little more spontaneous. It was like Hoang was afraid of being seen as sappy. She knew if he had it his way, he wouldn't even have a wedding at all. They would just go to the city hall and sign the marriage certificate and that would be that.

"Where are we going to live, after we get married?" she asked.

"With my parents," Hoang said, the "of course" plain in his tone even though he didn't actually say it out loud.

"You know I don't like it when so many generations live under the same roof," Thu said. Hoang lived with his parents and grandparents. She knew it was still the norm, but the very idea set her teeth on edge.

"What's the big deal?" Hoang shrugged. "In your own words, it's been like that for hundreds of years, and it's much more convenient. You know, for someone who loves history, you sure are picky about which part of it you love."

His words stung. "Just because I love something, doesn't mean that I'm blind about it!" she snapped, then gathered up her things and stormed out of the coffee house before Hoang could say another word. A bit of an overreaction, perhaps, but she was looking for any excuse to escape further discussion of the wedding. She wasn't brave enough to tell him that she didn't want it, and even if she did tell him, she wasn't even sure if she could get through to him.

That evening, over dinner at home, Thu tried to broach the subject with her parents first. If she could get them on her side, then maybe she could convince Hoang to push the wedding back a few years.

Her mom wasn't having any of it.

"But you two are going to get married anyway," she said, maddeningly echoing Hoang's words. "I don't see why you'd want to wait."

"We don't have our own place yet," Thu said. In this, she knew her parents would support her. No parents want their daughter to have to live with the in-laws. "And I want to get a Master," she added hopefully.

"What's the point? It's not going to raise your salary at the museum, is it?"

"It'll allow me to get a teaching position at the university."

Her mom snorted. "And their salary is better, I suppose? Your dad and I can lend you the money to buy your own place."

Thu turned to her dad in dismay. "Dad?"

"Mom's right," her dad said, his face hidden behind his phone. "We won't charge you interest."

"If you don't want to be in debt, then take that job with Cousin Minh," her mom continued. "He's been calling again. He says they can really use someone with your English skills, and they pay very well. You'll save enough for an apartment in no time."

"Mom, he sells illegal IDs!"

"Nonsense. He runs a visa agency."

"Yes, which includes selling illegal IDs. He's lucky he's not getting arrested. I am not going to work for him."

"Ooh, if you're getting married and moving out, can I have your room?" her younger brother, Tung, piped up.

Thu dug the heels of her hands into her eyes, frustrated. There would be no help from this quarter.

"Look," her mom said in a softer voice, "we just want you to settle down. Hoang is a nice boy. He has a good job. It's the right time to get married. If you wait longer, something else may come up."

Settle down. Get a job. Get married. Have kids. The same path as everybody else. Deviate from that, and you'd risk disapproval and pity. What will happen to you? Who will take care of your parents in their old age? Who will take care of you in the future? And of course, that was the sting. Hoang might be dull, but he was safe, stable, predictable. She could imagine a future with him, even if that future was not particularly bright.

Thu went into her room and took refuge in her history books. At least with them, she knew how the stories all turned out; it didn't matter if the endings were good or bad. Perhaps that was why she loved history so much. There was none of this worrying about the future in history.

***

Those gnawing thoughts were still going around her head the next day at work, grating on her nerves and making her snappish with everybody. It was a slow day. Usually, she relished days like this, when she could settle into the backrooms of the museum, going over the archives, or walking through the echoing halls, looking at the artifacts, pretending to be a visitor, but today, the quietness of the museum felt stifling, its familiarity stale. It probably didn't help that she was stuck doing paperwork, cataloging the findings of a recent dig just outside of Hanoi. Sometimes, this job felt futile, like there was nothing else they could discover about the past. Vietnam's history is a bewildering patchwork of myths and half-preserved facts, destroyed by centuries of war and natural disasters and just plain old bad weather, impossible to make sense of, and Thu had never felt the futility of that task more acutely than she did that day, while logging broken pieces of roof tiles and ceramics into the computer. She was glad when, near the end of the day, her supervisor asked her to leave off the work and deliver some invitations for the museum's upcoming seminar to the nearby Institute of French Culture.

Leaving her motorbike at the museum, Thu walked the short distance from behind the Grand Opera House down Tràng Tiền Street. It was rush hour; by the time she got her bike out of the museum's parking lot and found a parking space near the Institute, she would've already gotten there on foot. The concrete pavement still retained some of the day's heat, and the currents of roaring cars and bikes and their constant honking only added to the warmth, but already, there was a slight crispness to the air that whispered of autumn, of moon cakes and green rice, of lantern processions. As Thu wove her way through the traffic, she imagined herself as an office girl from the French School of the Far East, which used to be in the same building as her museum, walking to the IDEO Printing House, where the Institute now stood, on some errand...

Her phone buzzed, cutting off her daydreaming. She glanced at the screen and groaned inwardly. A text from Hoang:

Confirmed with my mom, we're coming to your house 10 AM Saturday. Prepare lunch. Something not too heavy.

The bossy tone of the text pricked at her. He couldn't even say "please" at the end! Was this a taste of how their marriage was going to be, with Hoang dictating the terms and Thu following obediently? To hell with that. And if Hoang and her mother refused to listen, then she would find a way to make them listen...

Without stopping to think, Thu logged into her mother's account, still remembering the password from when she set it up for her. She scrolled through until she found the string of messages between her mother and Hoang's, and fired up a text:

I'm very sorry, but we're going to have to cancel the plan on Saturday. There's an emergency.

Would that be enough? No. Better make it clear. She added, Also, to be honest, we can't afford a January wedding. It's too soon.

Better make it double clear then. And I think Thu and Hoang can benefit from having more time to think. They're both too young to—

No. She deleted the last sentence. It would be too obvious. Of course, it would become obvious who sent the text if Hoang's mother decided to call hers, but she was hoping, if nothing else, this would at least get their attention and allow her a chance to really talk about what she wanted.

Thu went into the Institute and dropped the invitations off at the main office on the fifth floor. Her head throbbed from the heat and the stress. While waiting for the elevator, she reached for her stash of emergency M&Ms in her backpack. She just popped a handful into her mouth when her phone rang, shrilly, accusingly. She glanced at the watch on her phone. Her subterfuge lasted a total of eight minutes.

"Hi, Mom," she answered, resigning herself to a dressing-down.

"It was you, wasn't it?" Her mom sounded furious. "You sent a message to Hoang's mother to cancel the plan on Saturday, didn't you?"

"I did, yes."

"Why?!"

"Because I don't want to get married, Mom. Not yet. I've been trying to say this but nobody—"

"Do you have any idea how humiliated I was? I couldn't tell her that I didn't send that message! I had to say there was a misunderstanding and reschedule for Sunday."

"Mom—"

"That's final! I'm done discussing this with you!"

Her mom hung up. Thu sighed. Why won't they just listen?!

The elevator arrived. The door slid open. There was already a man inside, a Westerner. Thu eyed him curiously. He looked to be in his sixties and was terribly unkempt. Despite the heat, he was dressed in a long, dark coat. His pale, straggly hair stuck out from under a woolen hat, and he had a scruffy white beard. If she didn't know better, she would've said he was homeless, but she had seen plenty of backpackers looking far worse on the streets of Hanoi.

"Going down?" she asked in English, indicating with her hand.

The man grinned, showing a mouthful of rotten teeth. Thu recoiled slightly. But it was getting late, and she was exhausted. She just wanted to go home, avoid her mother, have a long, cool shower, and curl up in bed with her books. So she shrugged and stepped into the elevator, carefully reaching around the man to press "1".

As she stepped back, Thu noticed him eyeing her bag of M&Ms hungrily, practically bending down to sniff it.

"Would you, uh, like some?" she asked.

The man gave her another rotten-toothed grin and snatched the whole bag out of her hand.

Before Thu could even protest, the phone rang again. Hoang this time. "Did your mom just reschedule our meeting for Sunday?" he asked.  

Thu wondered how he managed to make it sound so formal, like a business meeting. But she was in no mood for arguing. "I tried to cancel it, but she didn't want to," she said in a defeated voice.

"You did what—what the hell?"

"We're too young to get married! I'm only twenty-five and you're only twenty-seven, for Heaven's sake! Why is everybody in such a rush for us to get married? Is there an old relative about to die? Are you about to die?"

"Don't joke about that!"

"I'm not joking!"

She heard Hoang take a deep breath. "I don't understand your hang-up about the age thing," he said. "It's a perfectly reasonable age to get married. You know people got married in their teens back in the day—"

Thu wanted to scream. The fact that he thought this was about "the age thing" proved, all too clearly, that he didn't understand her doubt and her fear at all. "Stop talking about 'back in the day'," she hissed. "You have no idea what it was like 'back in the day'! If I could, I would go live 'back in the day' just to get away from all of you!"

"If this is how you insist on behaving, then maybe we should just call the whole thing off!"

"Good!"

"Did you hear me? I'm not just talking about our wedding, I'm talking about us! If you do this, it's over!"

"That's the best news I heard all day!"

She hung up, and, for good measure, turned the phone off and threw it into the depth of her backpack. She didn't want to give Hoang a chance to tell her that he didn't mean it, that it was just a heat of a moment thing...

Next to her, the homeless-looking man was munching on the M&Ms—her M&Ms!—and fumbling with the keypad. Then he turned and handed her a folded piece of paper.

Thu opened the paper and saw a few lines of Vietnamese scrawled on it:

RULES FOR TIME TRAVELERS

Don't kill anyone

Don't impregnate or get impregnated

Don't touch any animals

Try to blend in, and have fun!

Mystified, she looked up, but the man was gone. Before she could even wonder about his disappearance, a persistent beeping coming from the keypad caught her attention. The elevator was shaking.

Great. Just great. The elevator was breaking down, and now she was going to get stuck in it. Just the cherry on top of an already perfect day.

The shaking intensified. A flashing light made her look up, and she couldn't believe her eyes.

The elevator was not breaking down.

It was breaking up.

As in disintegrating. Above her and all around her. The debris was getting sucked into some terrifying vortex of dark clouds laced with lightning, while the beeping continued, piercing in her ears, and all the numbers on the keypad started flickering in a dizzying sequence. Thu had a horrible sensation, similar to when she was little and had a high fever, of being stretched long, as long as possible without snapping, while at the same time getting compressed into something tiny, tinier than she could ever imagine. She sank to her knees, wrapped her arms around her head, and screamed.

Then, as abruptly as it started, everything stopped. The elevator dinged and came to a halt.

Thu cautiously opened her eyes. She was still in one piece. She was still in the elevator, which was in one piece as well.

Perhaps it had all been in her imagination. There had been something wrong with the elevator, certainly, but in her stress and fatigue, she had imagined it to be something much worse. And the man... he must have gotten out when she wasn't looking.

Letting out a breath of relief, she fixed the straps of her backpack more firmly on her shoulders and exited the elevator.

And immediately realized that something wasn't right.

Chapter 2

A/N: This first chapter is just a setup, so please bear with me. Ralph will appear in the next chapter, which is coming tomorrow! Also, as usual, if you want to be added to the tag list, let me know.

[daincrediblegg]

okay your turn if nobody else has asked: TOP FIVE JH CHARACTERS GO

... girl... how does one choose? how does one??? when there are so many beautiful boys??? ok. OK I'll give it a shot.

5. Captain Crow - The Sea Beast This film is just incredible on every front. One of my favorite concept artists worked on it (which I did not know until a few weeks ago but now that I know I feel like kicking myself because I REALLY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THEIR STYLE WELL ENOUGH BY NOW). But I remember watching this, and screaming when the credits began to roll because WAIT?!?!?! THAT WAS JARED HARRIS??? OH!!! WHAT A DELIGHT!!! I LOVE THAT GUY!!!! (oh babygirl wait a few months it's gonna hit you so bad). He's great. I hope we see more of him in the sequel that would be great for me.

4. Hari Seldon Honestly. What a little shit. "But Egg," you might ask "If he's such a little shit why is he on here?" well. He's hot. Really I am not over how hot this dude is. I know I couldn't fix him not in a million years. But idk. Something about him always makes my brain go brrr. So he's on here. Also I just love how fucking atypically written this show is and I have a wee soft spot for asimov. They didn't have to cast Jared as Hari and make him unbelievably hot. But they did. And he's so enigmatic. I love that.

3. John Lennon Egg's love for Jared Harris Origins. I was a Beatles girlie, ok? I'm not ashamed to admit that. It was my introductory fandom experience at the ripe old age of baby, and I really ate it up. I remember going into this movie being like "oh it's some dumb TV movie about John and Paul how good can it be?" Very good, as it turns out. And having assigned myself a John Lennon girlie I literally could never get over this depiction. The mannerisms, the fucking tripped-out way he philosophizes in conversation, the softness, and ofc the old friends tension. Jared got it all. Of course I'd seen him in stuff here and there, but this was the one that cemented him as a beloved actor in my mind for me (I literally re-wound the kiss scene as well like 20 times don't judge me but that awakened some stuff in me). Been following him ever since.

2. Lane Pryce - Mad Men This dude broke me for real. I didn't get into Mad Men until college, and binged it all on my friend's hulu account. And lemme tell ya. Did NOT see his final episode coming. Did not. And it made me genuinely weep. He was a highlight in the show. He was one of the only guys I could actually say is a good dude in that show, and he deserved so much better than he got in the end. I look at him and I'm just like... leave ur wife. Leave your job. Lets just go out of this capitalistic hellscape. I want to make him Well. I will love him forever for how he just completely destroyed me.

1.Francis Crozier / Valery Legasov - HA! you thought I was not going to tie them? WRONG! I can't keep these bad bitches apart.

Francis really needs no explanation at this point. I am so actually genuinely in love with him I'm writing a whole ass gothic romance novel of a fic for him, as you all know (and which has summarily turned out a BANGER of a modern AU as well). I made a bloody self-insert oc for him. Gothic Cinema is literally my favorite genre and Francis is the most Gothic Hero of all time, honestly (well besides Valery obviously). The serotonin he continually gives me makes my meds redundant. He is my sweet husband who I love with my whole life and that's that.

And Valery? sorry you can't put a babygirl of a man like that in front of me and not expect that I would want to jump his bones like? Not only is the constant existential dread relatable, but as much as people tell him he's not brave, he IS without a doubt, and honestly, just by virtue of uttering the most iconic logline ever fucking created he deserves this spot on this list. Both of these dudes make my soul ascend in a certain way not just with how brilliantly they were written, but with how incredibly Jared executed them (for which I want to kill the academy for not giving him awards on either). Top Beloveds forever and ever and ever amen.

[peonac]

I’m so glad to have a friend who enjoys One Piece! How did you get into it? Do you have a favourite character? One you can’t stand? A favourite arc? Any fic recs?

I WAS FUCKING WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS ASK. NOT EVERYONE KNOWS IT BUT ONE PIECE IS THE SERIES OF MY LIFE. I CAN'T IMAGINE AN EXISTENCE WITHOUT IT!

probably the longest post I have ever made incoming:

I got into it in April 2003 (I was 11 at that time). Watching anime on TV was the only way for me and my brothers, there was no computer and internet around. We were hooked since episode 1 and never missed an episode, we would watch all the re-runs and be hyped about every epic moment and cry our eyes out at every tragedy or happy moment. Laughing our asses off at the jokes (Skypiea and Thriller Bark are imo the funniest!) And since then I'm a huge fan, though there were several years I lost touch. I picked up the series again a few months ago and stopped at the beginning of the Wano arc (due to low energy, yk how it is with taking care of the family etc).

And OMG I have so many faves!!! Nami!!! Her arc inspired me so much I took her name as my nickname. For a lot of rl friends, I'm just Nami, sometimes my teachers were confused and asked me if it's my middle name fklsdhfsjdůlkasd!!! She is so caring! Big sis vibes!

Zoro! He is so cool! Do I need to explain this? (also I find his relationship with women really interesting, the guy is so traumatized! And also he would literally die for you!) Devil Child Nico Robin. She is smart, powerful as hell and MORBID and her sense for cute things is just immaculate. The episode when she got to be part of the Strawhats is still one of my favorites. Maybe I'm mistaken but she is the only one that invited herself and not because Luffy told her so. I... okay, I will stop because otherwise, I will write a whole ass essay about her and why she is THE QUEEN of all queens!

The future king of the pirates Monkey D. Luffy! Period.

Trafalgar [redacted] Law.

*GRABS YOUR CHEEKS*

*PULLS YOU VERY CLOSE, OUR NOSES TOUCH*

You will understand once you watch more.

PERONA. I don't know why but I fell in love with her so hard I want for her to be real so I can propose to her! (but I also ship her with Zoro)

And here is a list of others I like: the whole strawhat crew (Jimbei ofc included), Sir Crocodile, Bartolomeo the Cannibal (I couldn't get enough of him, he is so silly), Donquixote Rosinante, Smoker, Tashigi (I ship her with Zoro too, wtf is with me to ship Zoro with so many characters!), Bon (Mr. 2), Boa Hancock, Bepo. I'm sure there are more, but I will stop here haha. I hate Donquixote Doflamingo, the Cipher Pol agents, Big Mom (she...I... she is a monster, like...wow), Buggy the Clown (imo the most pathetic anime guy in history, but the comedy around him is good), most of the Marines (what a bunch of assholes, really, it's a mirror to our world) and ugh, I'm sure there are more, but I can't remember XD! Fave arcs: Arlong Park, Loguetown, Alabasta Saga, Sky Island Saga, Enies Lobby, Thriller Bark, Summit War Saga And here begins the controversy, ofc I'm not including the Wano arc because I haven't seen it whole yet...But I'm not able to enjoy the after-time-skip arcs. Great animation moments, the story is amazing too, but the pacing is just so bad. So many fillers within the episodes too, Dressrosa was a torture to watch. So if I just judge it by story everything is great! Maybe reading the manga would be the better choice. But I didn't want to miss the great animation.

I haven't read any fics yet but I have a few in my marked for later list:

What I enjoy the most are artists that create nice little stories and AUs! I'm going to make a separate post and tag you, the list is too long!

[bpd-angelcake]

guess who's back 🙃

tw: lots of ed mention

hi lol where do I even begin first off like... lmao every time I come back on this blog I think of that one ask that I got that was like "do u come back on here when things are bad??" and no lmao not always

life hasn't been bad it's just been busy im always busy i work a full time job and my social life has been the busiest it's ever been and im thankful because I love my irl friends so much and I do love my job as annoying as it can be and idk things aren't bad. they're not.

but I know my mental health hasn't been the best lately and I can't even blame my bpd. I had a really bad episode at the beginning of February and I tried pushing all my friends away because I thought they were over me and didn't take me seriously and they all came back to me literally crying wondering what was wrong and I felt so shitty and they don't know I have bpd (I don't talk about it in person unless we're going to date because I hate when people perceive me a certain way once they find out I'm not normal lmao) so we had to get in a circle and talk it out it was so rough but honestly I have never felt more secure in a friend group before in my life it makes me so sick thinking about it because idk what I'd do if anything were to change but whatever.

but idk I was doing so good with myself I was on top of my skincare and keeping my room clean and following through with things and idk everything just fell through the cracks and I feel like I have no control over anything in my life once more. I'm trying so hard to be better but it's hard. I just started saving money again because I spent so much of it the past few months and I'm so disappointed with how bad my spending got and it wasn't even for a good reason lol so I am trying I promise but ugh I feel like I was up there!! and I'm back at rock bottom.

Another thing that's been bugging me a lot is my weight too... back in 2020 I was so thin and I looked good and I had done it the right way by dieting and exercising but covid came and I got into that toxic relationship and I gained so much weight back and I look in the mirror and I am so disgusted with myself and I hate it. I see all these cute plus size girls on social media and I literally love them and think they're so beautiful but I look at myself and I can't even deal. I have to be a bridesmaid for a wedding in October and im dreading it because I'm going to look so bad....

I ordered a cosplay a few months ago and it came a week ago and it didn't even fit 🙃 I almost had a full mental breakdown about it and tbh I am 90% sure it ran small (not cutting myself slack because I know I'm fat but I also know how to measure clothes) but it made me so upset I literally relapsed and I've barely eaten this whole week. I tried to eat a spoonful of rice because I was so lightheaded the second it touched my mouth I threw it up.

And now I feel so fucking lame because I'll go on edtwt and see these girls posting their stuff and they're all in their teens and it's like.... I'm in my 20's dude I shouldn't be doing this shit anymore but I do and I hate it because it's all I know and it's so comforting because I'm literally a professional at it like I know all the tips and tricks I know what to do when I accidentally binge I know how to curb cravings and what excuses to say when I don't want to eat in front of people it's so sad because I thought I was over this but I guess not.

I haven't weighed myself yet, I was going to do it tomorrow but ugh all I need is to see that number go down or else I might kill myself because I can't do this anymore!!!! this is my life I feel like I'm 14 again in the worse way. IDK I might start posting more about it (with tags ofc) so if that's not your thing I understand but it's all I have to make me feel better and I'm not looking for advice I'm not looking for tips I just want to vent and if you're going to judge me do it kindly please lmao bye

[99point9percentwhump]

I can't believe you posted CI5 whump... I've become totally obsessed. Especially the episode 'discovered in a graveyard'. Also, although there's some great whump in the last episode of season 1, I feel pretty weird about enjoying whump from an episode which is discussing racism in such a vivd and open way. It's amazing that they were discussing this stuff in the 1970s, even if the episode never got aired. How do you feel about it?

Also, I was wondering if you've seen any Inspector George Gently whump, seeing as Martin Shaw gets whumped in that a few times too. Seems like the kinda thing you would enjoy

Ahhhhhh Profs CI5 is my fav I've never been so hooked on a series myself!

I love Insp George Gently 110% funny enough I saw that before Profs CI5 and didnt know for a while why Doyle/Martin Shaw seemed so familiar lol OK I have no problem discussing it my opinion isn't always popular or appreciated but I'm more than willing to give it :)

Ep spoilers and topic discussion 👇

Firstly Klansmen ep is one of the best for whump isnt it?! not many have the boys both whumped and separated unable to help the other!

Secondly in relation to the topic, is it a very heavy ep, oh yeah.

Should you feel weird liking it?

I don't think so at all, this series pulls no punches when getting into topics esp topics that were new for the time including but not limited to: drug addiction (new drugs where on the streets like heroin), prostitution (the various victims and abusers/users), alcoholism, metal illness, homosexuality/gay (not having been legal for long) etc, they show it in as much a reality as a TV show can, it's not pretty it's not clean and it's hard to watch as it should be, so why wouldn't they show racism in the same way

If they'd made it a soft ep it wouldn't carry the same weight as the ep does in my opinion.

Like all topics you get to see a lot of character stress/trauma and even growth which I think is a big part of it as well particularly with Bodie in that ep, if you watch the series everyone knows he has no issues with Blacks but scars from his SAS and mercenary days sometimes show through and I feel this ep helps move passed that a bit as well he goes from using terms that Cowley and Doyle disapprove of to being saved by the Black Doctor and Nurses who deal with his fever induced ramblings and in the conclusion you see Bodie walk away a better person.

I also really felt the way the Doctor and nurse were handled was perfect no matter what he said in his delirium they did what they could to save him and you got to see her face when it started but she never stopped doing her job caring for him. Also in that ep you get the different POV of the locals effected by the baddies attacks you see the fear, physical harm, and death inflicted which is another important point they show its not just looked out from an outsider.

Then in the finale the plot twist showing a man selling out his own ppl funding a hate group for the gains the housing they take over brings.

Never to leave out Doyle ofc his role in this ep while on his own nearly the whole time showed his experience having worked in the rougher parts of the city pre-CI5 how he has a better understanding of the inner city and how he built trust in those days shines through in his interactions with the kid saving him then busting the whole setup.

To try and sum it up I think it is one of the most important eps to watch it happened at the "perfect" time in the series you know the boys enough not to judge reactions in the same way while also witnessing a redemption story of Bodie and then move on to the rest of the series.

Sorry for the long winded talk if I didnt cover or explain something right please feel free to drop in my inbox :)

[ellavaday]

sparksnotes version of this hugaceo interview

instead of 36 this time it's 40 min and in a true show of mentally ill behavior i translated it (and then proceeded to not want to even look at the thing for a solid week because it's really hard to translate someone that doesn't like to talk in complete sentences and have it make sense, I'm still not sure I managed). Anyway. Here's the summary:

Instead of being sequestered in hotel rooms they had all of the dres1 girls in a giant house, each of them had their own rooms but they'd spend time together in the common areas which was kind of a godsent because they could vent and support each other on the most stressful times. They'd talk all their conspiracy theories about why production did what and not feel so alone.

There wasn't a lot of interaction with the judges away from the runway because production wanted the reactions to be genuine on camera when they saw them walk with their looks but it was cordial and they'd nod or say hello whenever possible.

all of the cast insisted on production not to do like they usually do in all the other versions in which the eliminated queens come for a second to the front and wave, they were like please let us walk on the runway because they all looked beautiful and wanted to show off

Hugaceo's family is from a town in Madrid and they and their boyfriend just recently moved back to the city but ofc won't stop visiting Valencia. They in fact visited it little ago because a casal faller made a ninot inspired by hugaceo's hometown look. More on that here and here bc i don't feel like writing about it again

To prepare for the show they started designing looks and sketch ideas hoping that they'd work for whenever they got the list of looks and they're friends with Choriza who gave them the same advice Blu Hydrangea gave her which was to start with the looks they knew they'd need for sure: An entrance look because they can wear whatever they want, the finale look because all of the contestants are supposed to be in the final episode, 2 or 3 snatch game, the makeover and a couple of dance looks because there's always more than one dancing challenge ((speaking of Choriza, the same interviewer has another interview with her and apparently she was talking with both the production of DRES and UK3 to be cast but UK3 started filming first which is why she is on that season))

The first season of the Spanish version of the show was a bit chaotic to make because they had no presedent on how things had to be done but they think it gave the show certain freshness that is probably not as apparent in other versions and it was done ridiculously fast. The show was announced in November, casting closed by December and in February it was announced to have finished production (i am sorry there's not enough i could say about how truly insane that production schedule is, the MtQ were already out by March, that's literally nuts)

They can't confirm nor deny about the dres2 girls having more time to prepare this time around but they think that production has got to have fixed things that ofc couldn't have been issues they could prevent since nobody on production had worked with drag queens before. Dumb things like "hey you need to wear something you are capable to sit in for this challenge".

They talk about that moment on dres where they realize there's a few NBs in the cast and how cool it was. They mention that apparently people from the cast of UK1 wanted to talk about it too but it didn't get aired and about RuPaul not being immune to the passage of time and that maybe it's gotten him a while to open the show for people of other gender identities (trans women, a cis woman and a straight man) but he's getting there slowly but at least he did start. They hope we get to see drag kings sometime soon.

They're not looking down on people that join the show and can't sew because they can't either but they do think that there's a pattern in the last few years in which you kind of feel like the show is now really a competition on who spends the most money and works with the best designers and that you can tell which designers work with who and that everyone has started to look the same because they don't participate much in the design process of the clothes they wear for the show.

They also don't love that it's been normalized to spend a small fortune to go on the show. They're never going to get rid of the falla look because it's like a museum piece for them but what in the world would they do with it after the show? It's bulky and heavy and they love it but they also know they're never going to wear it again. This is in relation to Arantxa getting a lot (a lot) of online hate for her runways and drag aesthetic being called cheap ((guys i could go on and on about this, it was fucking intense, for a moment i did think Arantxa was going to go suicidal over how bad the hate was)).

They also talk about how a lot of people have a perception of drag solely informed by drag race and that it shows because as soon as you leave the beauty canons of the show, you're suddenly the absolute worst which is what happened to Arantxa and how unfair it was.

There's a bit of a controversy about why the production company that has the rights for dres didn't put the show on open broadcast but behind a subscription based streaming platform (since the production company owns two flagship open broadcast channels on tv here) and if Spain is actually ready for a drag show on open broadcast. Hugaceo thinks it might start controversy but that maybe it would have been worth it and both they and the interviewer hypothesize that maybe the freedom of not being in an open broadcast channel is what allowed the cast to talk so freely about the non binary identity experience unlike the UK1 gals on the BBC

During filming the cast would daydream about going on tour together when they were at the shared house, assuming the show did good enough and the fact that it happened? Amazing. They say they've been a bit overwhelmed by all the love they've gotten from the public and the tour doing so well they sold out the biggest concert venue of Madrid for their closing show still sounds made-up and that all the stress and lack of sleep were worth it.

Hugaceo usually describes their drag as being art and uses the expression "vaya cuadro" (lit. what a painting) as a slogan. In spanish from spain it's an expression that is usually used to express shock at someone looking slovenly or very out of the norm, but ofc they mean it more in the literal sense of being literally like a painting because for Hugaceo, drag is art first and foremost.

Hugaceo was the subject of a painting for the 2021 edition of the Madrid Contemporary Art Fair. The name of the painting is Echinosis by Jean Carlos Puerto and it was supposed to be exhibited before the plague but it got postponed because. You know. Plague. They talk about how they met the artist in Miami and became friends because Hugaceo and him were both exhibiting art pieces and Hugaceo decided to go one day in full drag just because.

Their dad's from Argentina so they get specially happy when the Argentinian fans talk to them. Gigi wrote to them and a few other dres1 girls to say "welcome to the drag race family" and raja has told them to come visit them in LA.

Hugaceo says that apparently they're a bit too intimidating so they've not been bothered by fans flirting with them (or by fans in general actually). They say the fandom in general has been very decent to them. They did think it was hilarious that there's aranceo fanfiction but it's like amusing more than anything else because it reminds them of 1D fanfiction they saw on tumblr.

They absolutely singled out a HS AU fanfiction, which, whoever wrote it, please don't fret lol, they thought it was all rather sweet.

Hugaceo doesn't know why they're only taking Carmen to DragCon from the entire cast and they're not a fan lmao. They feel like their season is treated a bit like the ugly stepchild because it's the only one in which RuPaul hasn't even showed up on video despite being one of the best rated seasons by the fans.

Now that Hugaceo's moved back to Madrid, they're planning on retaking plastic arts and they're working on more than a couple of projects with Arantxa and says that they love working together and that the public and employers love them working together as well. The interviewer calls them the team rocket and Hugaceo agrees lmao.

They'd rather die than release music and for a good reason i love hugaceo's but their singing is terrible but they might if only bc they would love to direct their own music video so never say never. They've been in music videos of various other people's but not their own. They've been in one of Lola Indigo's, one of Choriza's and one of Monica Naranjo's. The interviewer asks them about the experience of working with Monica Naranjo bc she is a spanish gay icon and she talks about it being great (and a bit of luck, because they're friends with javier visori, the fashion designer that was the stylist of that music video and the S1 cast tour was in town at the same time the music video was shooting, the same fashion designer was the main designer they worked with to make looks for the show).

[dracwife]

What is Mash about?

well it was a novel first, then in '70 the movie came out! the show, which is by far the most famous adaptation, is a spinoff of the movie.

it's about a bunch of gay doctors committing crimes to try and get kicked out of the military.

jkjk it's about a medical unit in south korea during the war; it's framed as a sitcom, but definitely has some dramatic elements to it, and is super reliant on the characters. there's not really an overarching story, its just sort of hijinks. essentially, your MC is hawkeye, with your supporting cast being recurring as well, and theyre all just trying to get through the days, entertain themselves, and ofc try their hardest (subtly) to get discharged so they can go home (but not really because they're good people and don't want anyone to die). it's not serialized so i can't give a super detailed summary but its mostly "how can we be as annoying as possible without anyone actually dying here"

it's definitely progressive for the time (cite the first real big crossdressing character who isnt like frowned upon/made fun of by the other characters for doing so, he's just chilling and everyone supports him, or just how absolutely fruity everyone is, + i believe there's an episode with an explicitly gay soldier and hawk doesnt judge the guy), it came out during the end of the cold war, its an allegory for vietnam, and it's absolutely antiwar in sentiment. take all that with a grain of salt, because it's still from 40-50-something years ago. don't go in expecting your token lgbs and ts and stuff, but it definitely fucks with gender roles, openly discussed sex/sexuality, and the like. and its pretty damn funny imo

a solid watch if you think you'd be into it. give the first couple of eps a try, it just jumps right into the thick of it, and if you like it you like it. and if the first few dont jive with you, then it's just probably not for you, and that's ok too. the movie is far less progressive in nearly every sense, so i don't rlly recommend watching it if you plan to. yknow. actually like the series. you dont need to see it to watch the show anyways, they're pretty separate.

but yeah, gay doctors do crimes ❤️

[sayitaliano]

30+1 days Challenge w/ @lovelybluepanda

Everyday this month (May 2022), me and @lovelybluepanda will share our personal finds and opinions on a specific subject we decided beforehand. You can join us too in the comments or simply by tagging us in your post!

DAY 6 - REGRETS

Regrets... how many do we have? How many do we fear of having?

Regrets are so very different and personal, but we can learn to see from where we may get them or not. Would you regret more taking a holiday of a few weeks to just recover your energies and start anew or think "crap, it's time wasted, I could do so much in these few weeks"? We're all different and have different regrets too, but once we know where we want our life to go, we can realize when and how we can make renounces in order to make ourselves and our lives better and get a little to none regrets.

Let's see... Why do we renounce to something we wanna do? Leaving the comfort zone is so impossible? Yes, we know exactly what we are leaving while we aren't sure of what it's expecting us over there, but really, is renouncing worth? What are the blockages we are experiencing? What could go wrong? If there's an opportunity to do something we feel like doing but we don't wanna do because *insert any random excuse like I'm tired, it's too far, I don't know anybody there*... why are we giving up before trying? Ofc, if those aren't excuses but we really don't wanna do something, then we're right, it's better to not do it. Forcing ourselves to have too many experiences in order to not have regrets, won't simply work. It'll just give us regrets for having done things we didn't feel like or weren't our cup of tea at all. Let's also not forget about depressive episodes that may lay behind this behaviour (I'm not judging nor I am a doctor, but if you have doubts on the nature of your renouncing habit, please have a check with a pro, okay?)

A thing that may come in handy is making lists of pros and cons: they can help us see more clearly if we can renounce to an experience or not, in order to reach our goal.

This is for the regrets we may fear to have, but what if we are checking in with the past?

Let's ask ourselves: with your actual knowledge and the way your person is at this very moment (don't look back to the person you were, cause you can't compare your actual self to your past self or future self), would you do something differently? Did you give your best in each situation you went through or not? Cause it's all about that.

If at this very moment, we're doing our best (according on the person we are and what we know, how we feel, think and all at this very moment), we can't have regrets. If our future self (even just the person we're gonna be the day after something happened) is looking back, it can't have regrets. Cause our future self is who they are exactly thanks to that experience our actual self has made. Regrets starts when we know we can do something in a certain way or experience something, but we don't do that. We simply renounce making up an excuse or we don't give our 100% even if we could. “Oh, I could have talked to that person” (but we didn't); “I could have accepted my friend's invitation to that party, what I am doing here alone?” (but we didn't). Let's ask ourselves why we didn't, and find an answer. We need to have a target and work towards it with dedication.

Again I do believe that once we know our goal and how to reach it, we will know what to do, we will know what we can renounce to without having too many regrets in the future.

But we have to be true to ourselves and our goal. And simply forgive ourselves if occasionally we'll make an excuse to avoid doing something or won't be able to give our best for whatever reason (maybe we're ill or not feeling it), cause we're human and we live of habits and giving them up it's not always very easy. Our minds will have to do a lot of work to keep us in line. We'll need to keep the focus and be determined. Or just be forgiving and kind.

Song: Nessun rimpianto by 883. Il tema principale di questa canzone è un rimpianto d'amore, ma è adatta anche per altri tipi di rimpianto (soprattutto amicizia).

Il ritornello:

Non ho nessun rimpianto = I have no regrets Nessun rimorso soltanto certe volte = no remorse, only sometimes Capita che appena prima di dormire = It happens that just before falling asleep Mi sembra di sentire = It seems to me I'm feeling Il tuo ricordo che mi bussa e mi fa male un po' = Your memory knocking in and it hurts me a little