#of self sacrificial bastards

[dyinggirldied]

HOLY TRINITY X SPY AU

In this modern world where technology and magic interwired, the existence of spy remains necessary more than ever.

We have an organization that immediately disbatches 3 of its top members to a prestige, highly publicized boarding school due to a rumor that a bomber blood mage criminal has hidden there.

1st spy, nicknamed the Silver Shield, real name: Kim Rok Soo.

2nd spy, nicknamed the Demon King, real name: Kim Dokja.

3rd spy, nicknamed Monster Mother, real name: Han Yoojin.

All three are talented but are desperate for their deserved retirement.

This mission will be the last. The three spies are confident this plan will go without a hitch since they have worked together before and any missions, no matter how impossible, are guaranteed to be succeed with the Unholy Trinity there.

Of course they jinx it.

The Academy they will be undercover turns out to not only housing the target but to also be a nestling pot of an incredibly secretive and dangerous crime organization that has existed since ancient time and is currently alarmingly large in number. There are hints that the org might have impacted the Holy Trinity's childhood before.

To add to the trouble, Rok Soo (who is half-Korean) had dyed his hair red and forged a fake name, as expected. It would have been no problem if it wasn't for the fact that Rok Soo, or Cale Margarita (he lost a bet), shares resemblance to the infamous wealthy deliquent, Cale Henituse down to the reddish-brown eyes. Or that the young boy Choi Han, whom he gives his sandwich to, would obediently follow him around like a puppy!

Kim Dokja, or rather Yoo Dokja, finds himself at odds with the professor Yoo Joonghyuk, who Dokja embarassibgly admires when he was young. Yoo Joonghyuk, through his keen sense and instinct, is suspicious of this "Yoo Dokja" and no, despite what Uriel and others say, he does NOT have a crush on that annoying man!

Han Yoojin, who uses his real name since unfortunately his overprotective younger brother (who doesn't know his older brother is in a dangerous career) is the star pupil of this school, enters as a sort of teaching assistant to one Sung Hyunjae, who keeps giving him exotic presents.

The retirement life filled with money and delicious food, suddenly seems far far away.

P.S: this is based on a dream where my OC asks the holy trinity this question: "How to hide oneself in plain sight?"

Kim Rok Soo/Cale: "Act cute, weak, helpless"

Han Yoojin: "Cuteness can save the world"

Kim Dokja: "Born ugly :)"

*the conversation derails into disaster*

P.S Again: Margarita is an alcoholic drink whose base is tequlia, orange liqueur and lime. And guess who hates sour thing 🤣

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[OLD ART ALERT] A COLLECTION OF SCENES FROM THE GILLIONS CATSCRATCH ARC THAT BROUGHT ME GREAT JOY. i love fishy chips especially when its just gillion being delirious and violent and hostile

[neominthe]

I know a lot of you are going through finals (including me) so I hope you guys are remembering to DRINK FUCKING WATER. DRINK NOW GO GRAB A GLASS AND SPRINT TO FILL IT WITH WATER OR ELSE I WILL DELETE YOUR KNEECAPS

[chapinii]

had an idea for the concept of pac using the tazercraft mind link to switch bodies with mike in a situation where he's about to get hurt in order to take the brunt of the impact (and pain) for him and now I'm climbing the walls.

(he's done it so many times at this point that the switch is seamless enough that mike doesn't notice, he just thinks he has one hell of a pain tolerance)

[phantomfallacy]

Okay but slice of life idea where all the Kims are in an orphanage and they just adopt each other so they stop being sad bastards. They’re still self sacrificial but like if they’re all the same then they gotta keep the dying to a minimum because of checks and balances right—

Yes, I know Kim is a common Korean surname but also what if they’re actually related?? Like, that amount of psychopathic goodwill can’t exist if it doesn’t run in the family right—

[seiwas]

oh myg od togAME no Way NO Way NO WAYYYYYY how dare he go for MY HEART like that

[sparklecryptid]

Re: the last post I reblogged

Libertus whenever Nyx and Ace try to do something stupid and self sacrificing

[ancicntforged]

best ruby or kiana dynamic is when their friends go from 'you fool' (derogatory) to 'you fool' (desperate)

[tracle0]

Do y’all remember when Bad End Friends was a big thing? Spiderling Peep 🕸

[ask-dgs-221bbakerstreet]

... it's relieving to hear that you had no intention of wanting to hurt yourself Kazuma. That was a big fear for a lot of us, one we (unfortunately) had to consider because of the case being so odd (plus standard procedure), and I know Ryuunosuke especially was incredibly stressed about that prospect... I completely understand why you did what you did, but... I can't say 'don't do that again', I know that's unrealistic, but please... Think about YOU, next time. You. Our friend who we care for

...I'm sorry. To everyone.

I worried you all unnecessarily, and... and I should've considered what I was doing.

...my dear boy. I know you wouldn't call us the closest of friends, but I have a piece of advice for you.

I don't think anyone here blames you. They all still care for and love you, and I don't believe that will change, no matter what you do.

But there is a line. You are still responsible for your own actions. You are responsible here, for what you put yourself and the rest of us through.

You cannot expect leniency forever. And we have been lenient.

The hurt will not go away easily. Please keep that in mind the next time you think of doing something like this.

...besides. You deserve better than a life you're willing to throw away at a moment's notice for another.

...seems like you're speaking from experience.

I've made a lot of mistakes, Kazuma Asogi. A lot of very selfish mistakes. I'd rather you didn't make them too.

[jamrroll]

Genshin Impact’s Self Sacrificial Little Bastards:

(Aka the playables whose skills cause HP loss and make my head want to explode. Respectfully.)

Xiao: I love you honey, but you gotta stop literally trying to get yourself killed. Please and thank you! 😊

Kuki Shinobu: What is even the point of literally slicing yourself open? Can’t you do the skill without that first step, or are you really just that clumsy? I wouldn’t be surprised if Kuki here has pulled this stunt so many times it doesn’t even hurt anymore.

Hu Tao: You do realize you can’t do business on yourself, right..?

Dehya: Honestly, Fake Cat Girl II here already makes my head want to explode, so what’s a little more?

(Could you tell I listed them in order of how much I care about them? Hu Tao would’ve been last, but then Dehya happened so..)

[neominthe]

SSB WIPS

[autisthottygoth]

Cdrama men all have rocks for brains and yet I still love them

[hespidere]

last words ,

left to right : peter parker of earth-1048 , peter b. parker of earth-616 , peter parker of earth-65 , and peter parker of earth-1610

[gay-panic-at-the-disco]

My type of men are pathetic, self-sacrificial bastards who have moody, stoic husbands

Not a requirement, but all three of them also have a bad bitch best friend with a bob

[briebysabs]

I’ve been deliberating for a couple days now and have decided to discuss in-depth about Kim Dokja and the tendencies of putting his life on the line. For most of the novel, I was split on whether I should view KDJ as a self-sacrificial bastard or a suicidal character. And by the end, I’ve reached the conclusion that he is both.

Before I elaborate further, it should be noted that while we all meme about KDJ’s dying count, he actually isn’t that careless with his life. What I mean is he sacrifices himself usually as a last resort, plans A to F didn’t work and it’s the only option left to hope for kimcom’s safety-ditch effort. Usually. We’ll circle back to that when we bring up OD. But his sacrifices are always done as granting his companions salvation, utterly blind to how they feel about it. But to understand his constant need to do this you have to first start with where he learned how to love. Lee Sookyoung’s love was sacrificial, she’d take the brunt of her husband’s rage to shield KDJ, she’d take on blame for his death and be incarcerated for years so Kim Dokja won’t discover the truth. All of this, in my opinion, unbeknownst to KDJ, imprinted onto him this interpretation of love. As nobody else until the scenarios began had loved him (Yes HSY technically but he doesn’t know that). Which gives the irony that multiple characters KDJ resent in the story such as Kim Namwoon, his mother, the constellations are ultimately revealed to be reflections of himself.

Another component to his self-sacrificing is “Kim Dokja the reader”. I’m not going to dive deep into how orv interweaves dissociation and escapism into its narrative, I’ll do that some other day. But KDJ views himself as the reader, an outsider, the sole member in the audience watching the story unfold before him. Yes he grants commentary, the players notice and acknowledge his existence, but he isn’t part of the play. So if he decides to step out of the auditorium for a while, if he decides to leave a bookmark where he left off and close the book, nothing should change. The story will continue in his absence, the characters cannot possibly miss him because Kim Dokja was not a character. He was not part of their world so even if he’s gone, the ending will still happen. And that is something I want to stress here.

KDJ says “he wants to see a certain story’s epilogue”. Specific choice of words, “see”. He doesn’t say he’ll be part of it,that he’ll be with them, or any close variation of those phrases.

This is where I want to diverge to talk about KDJ's suicidality. You can say “Ok then, KDJ has a clear goal in mind to reach the ending he desires. Yes he may feel the need to step out of the story every now and then, but he does so reluctantly. So obviously, he doesn’t want to die.” And you wouldn’t be wrong really but that simplifies it to an overwhelming degree. That’s how I initially thought of it until I realized how complicated it actually is. Because most people who deal with suicidal thoughts aren’t searching for death but rather feel there’s no other choice. It often isn’t as clear cut as 1863 YJH who, anyone that read this arc will say with certainty that he was suicidal. Yes KDJ isn’t chanting in his mind over and over that he wants to die but why does he want to live? To see the proper ending of a web novel that stopped him from attempting again to begin with. Over the course of orv he finds people he loves and who love him back deeply. People he longs to live for but despite that because of the disconnect between them, his self-loathing, accompanied with what I said before, believing he has no other way out of these threatening situations. Yeah it’s to save his companions but in the end Kim Dokja still feels the need to die. Even if you do not see KDJ as a suicidal character, it is undeniable that so much revolving him, the impact it has on those who care for him, and the visceral descriptions used to convey their thoughts, is a direct metaphor for that.

Or in a few cases, straight up what’s going on and now we arrive at what I think was the final straw for Kim Dokja. Meeting the Oldest Dream. For me, this is THE scene of orv. The biggest twist and what finally irreparably broke KDJ. Prior to this, Kim Dokja had become the “Enemy of the story” but it was unlike his previous dances with death. This time he truly had no intention of dying, he wants to be a part of the ending with his companions, he understands now that his sacrifices do hurt them. That according to him “I, someone of no redeeming quality, could be loved by the others.” That he is a character and that just maybe, he does deserve to live happily ever after with them. And then Kim Dokja meets a 15-year old boy with the same face as his, doodling in a notebook his ideas for Ways of Survival and a notification tells him to ‘Please end the Oldest Dream’. All of that progress is shattered in an instant.

KDJ tries to excuse himself by recalling his promise to SP to kill OD but we all know if that was any other kid, he would not have tried to kill them. He would’ve hesitated much more, he’d look for a loophole, he would’ve tried talking which is his biggest strength for every corner he gets into. Killing them would not be the first option but now it is. Because this isn’t an instance of sacrifice anymore, KDJ is sick of himself. OD is a presence that confirms KDJ’s worst fears. That he’s meant to be weak and pitiful and alone, that he was always an outsider, that he unintentionally causes pain and misfortune to people he loves, that everyone would be perfectly fine and better even without him. And Kim Dokja is the physical manifestation of them: a monster. And there’s only one way to get rid of this monster.

The chain of events from him swinging his sword at OD, trying to stab himself with the blade only for YJH to stop it desperately with his hand, everyone restraining and begging him to stop, KDJ crying and screaming for SP + the other Outer Gods to kill OD. Everyone else is forgiving him and KDJ is only thinking of getting a blade.

This is Kim Dokja’s relapse. It’s real, it’s harrowing, and he never recovers from it. He reaches the conclusion that he has to be alone, it’s his atonement, it's what he deserves. So he splits himself 49-51. I interpreted this when I first read it as presenting 49% of what you believe people want to see. More real than a facade but it’s not the true you. The true, fucked up version of who you are is trapped in a prison of your making, trapped in a darkness you feel you don’t deserve to escape. Which is why it’s so powerful that KimCom went after that 51%. They didn’t want just their version of KDJ, they wanted everything KDJ is including the larger side of him that he wishes didn’t exist. But the plan fails, they managed to turn that full stop into a comma but they couldn’t save KDJ. Because you can’t drag someone out of that train, out of that mentality, you can’t force someone to love themself. All you can do is reach out to any corner, every worldline you can and let them know you’ll always love them. That you’ll always love every aspect of their story and hope that perhaps one day, they’ll accept your hand and believe it.

[ID: Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint art by Blackbox: first of Kim DOkja smiling, seen through a space in a bookshelf, and second of astronaut Yoo Joonghyuk floating upside down as letters float around him. End ID]