#of course. if your pc is a bard then there's no need for all this

[flashhwing]

I love seeing everyone post screenshots of Astarion where he's wearing the drow armor in dark colors and then going to my own game where he's wearing the bard tunic in white. we are having fundamentally different experiences of this character

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 4

Propaganda

Glenn Close (Dungeons & Daddies):

#Propaganda for Glenn Close: one of the other PCs mentions multiple times how hot he is #Actually several characters point it out but especially Henry #Also the only person in a podcast that has to put a disclaimer about not being a BDSM podcast to have had sex during the course of the show

We didn’t do hot Glenn summer for him to LOSE. Spoilers for his story but MORE PROPAGANDA FOR YOU:

Young hot rocker dilf

Loyal to his dead wife <3

Does in fact smoke weed

BARD!! HES A BARD. HE WAS LEAD GUITAR IN HIS BAND (that he was kicked out of)

His band was a Christmas cover band btw.

Literally the fandom had hot Glenn summer which consisted of drawing him being incredibly hot and sexy

Anti government (ofc)

Kind of cringefail (Disney adult) (was on dilfs of disneyland)

Young and sexy not your style? Then how about HIM AFTER YEARS LOCKED IN A TIME PRISON WITH A DAMN HANNIBAL MASK ??

Lost an eye and wears a fucking eyepatch

One incredibly buff arm

Has a pet rat named after his son <3

Immeasurable amounts of trauma in this man- becomes progressively more unhinged

OH OLD HUMAN BARD ISNT CUTTING IT? FINE

HE BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON

A COOL HOT ONE-EYED DEMON WHO WANTS TO KILL HIS DAD (also sexy)

HE CANONICALLY ENDS CHRISTIAN HELL VIA CHRISTMAS

IS ALSO WAY OVERLEVELED

Becomes a demon hunter for the rest of his existence

Also nonwhite !!! We are done with cringefail whiteboys !!!!!!!!!

I can’t put into words ok just know he is the best plz love him.

Listen, I don't know this other character but I've seem some good arguments for her However Consider Glenn Close winning through no effort of his own in a bullshit way despite being a dick is the most in character thing ever. He leveled up three times and got a crab mech, we GOT to give him this win, it's fitting

I don’t regulate if minors follow me or not bc I’m a pretty chill space but I hope the world is aware that’s the only reason I haven’t been downright nasty about Glenn close. I’m down bad. I’m NOT in the boat of ‘Glenn isn’t sexy but I want him to win bc it’s my fandom’. I would estimate I have 200+ drawings of Glenn on my phone that AREN’T safe for work. Way more that are. Where did they come from? That’s MY business. But I tell you this fact to assure you- Glenn IS sexy. I’m not voting to represent my fandom I’m voting out of TRUTH AND LOVE. IF YOU DON’T GET IT YOU DON’T GET IT!!! I just think my level of feral over this man is more powerful than y’all realize. If you don’t get his sex appeal that’s okay, but don’t doubt that this is my truth.

Okay but Glenn made a minivan cum by talking to her so

HE HAS A BOOK THAT HE MARKS X’S AND CHECKS FOR EVERY DAY TO SEE IF THAT DAY WAS A SUCCESS OR NOT. TO SEE IF HE DID GOOD THAT DAY. ITS ALMOST ENTIRELY X’S. HE WAS CUCKED OUT OF A SON. AND A DEAD WIFE. HE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO KILL HIS DAD IN REVENGE. There’s absolutely nothing going for him except his sex appeal in his life. Nobody he loved remembers him. He lost his eye. All he has is a pet rat and friends who admit they don’t really like him that much. He was kicked out of his own band. The band was named after him. He was kicked out of the Glenn Close trio. All he could do was deez nuts the big bad and be sexy. If nothing else, then pity him. Look in his eyes. Look at his heart and soul. Do you think pickman needs this to feel good about herself? Can she not accept a loss for the sake of a pathetic father? Can she shake hands with the minivan fucker and his human gun and just take the L on this one? He did not do the BDSM episode for this I’ll tell you what. Do this for my his sake. Do it for Nick Jr, who needs the prize money to pay for his rat snacks. Do it for his son. For Morgan. Ganbatte.

Mod Note: While I will still take "bad dads are sexy" propaganda and "bad dads aren't sexy" anti-propaganda, I kindly request no more discussion on whether or not he was a bad father. This is a sexypoll, not a parentingpoll. If you see a post you strongly disagree with, you can just not reblog it.

Mod Note 2: This tournament is about fictional podcast characters. Please do not vote for the real actress Glenn Close.

Lup (The Adventure Zone: Balance):

Is somehow the hot twin between her and Taako

Lup Bluejeans (née... Taaco? Tacco? Taco? Tako? who tf knows this is why I'm going with her husband's last name. doylistly she gets her last name from her brother whose last name is given as "Taako again but spelled differently"): Hot, funny, smart and undead. Is there anything else you could want in a woman?? Well, in case there is: she's also canonically trans

LUP IS THE HOTTEST. VOTE LUP.

[mareastrorum]

How to Deceive Enemies and Manipulate Gods: A Bard method to Asmodeus's body-swapping bullshit in Critical Role's Downfall

Of course, SPOILERS for Downfall (C3 E99-101) follow.

In 4 Sided Dive episode 26 (through C3E101), Brennan said that Father Milo Cowst was an illusion the entire time. This is a fun theorycrafting post about how to emulate Asmodeus's ploy to create an illusion of an (un)friendly spellcaster tagging along while impersonating a friendly spellcaster in the same group. Unless someone casts Truesight, at least. All the same, this could make for some fun bullshit in your own game.

As a prelude, this assumes that you have a Bard, any subclass. The exact number of class levels needed will vary depending on the options chosen. Perhaps there is a multiclass combination that could pull this off, but this is a fairly straightforward way of doing it.

This post will go through each of the interactions involving Arcadia Cerenvetorix and Father Milo Cowst that required an explanation. I also tried to include some discussion of alternatives when they were available.

Initial note: At 10th, 14th, and 18th levels, Bards are able to learn 2 spells from other class lists. I will note when that option is necessary to gain access to a particular spell.

Impersonating Arcadia Cerenvetorix

This achievement is fairly straightforward. There are a lot of spells and items that would allow a caster to impersonate the appearance of another person. The strategy, however, would be to choose a method that doesn't use up concentration so that spellcasting isn't limited.

Disguise Self is a good option that doesn't require concentration. A Hat of Disguise would save a spell slot, but it's only a 1st level spell, so that isn't too dire for a Level 20 character. Even a moment to break line of sight would be enough to refresh the illusion.

Alternatively, Seeming would achieve the same effect, also without requiring concentration, and would last 8 hours. This would require fewer spell slots and eliminate the worry of not being able to duck away to refresh the spell.

The Actor feat may have been necessary to impersonate Arcadia. While it seems that most of the others had never previously met Arcadia, it’s unclear whether S.I.L.A.H.A. had in person. He may have recognized her voice. In that case, the ability to mimic voices was mandatory. As a bonus, the feat gives advantage on checks for impersonation.

The Illusion of Father Milo Cowst

This one was fun to reverse engineer. It needed to be some kind of deception that would be revealed when the players gained Truesight in E101, but also accounted for everything the PCs thought they saw Father Milo do:

Talk in a manner that his voice seemed to come from his body.

React to events around him.

Appear to interact with objects in the world.

Appear to cast spells.

At first, I thought, maybe Asmodeus must have done Mislead like Emhira had later in Downfall. However, that spell requires concentration, lasts 1 hour, copies the current appearance, and also adds invisibility to the caster. The illusion would require Asmodeus to reapply the illusion of Arcadia every hour after refreshing Mislead. That gets really expensive for spell slots.

Simulacrum seems like an obvious option, and it would be available via Magical Secrets. However, there is no mechanism by which a Simulacrum is revealed other than killing it or Detect Magic. It's a spell in the school of Illusion, but it's not a visual trick—the simulacrum is an actual creature. So that wouldn't work for the reveal in E101. However, it might be useful for your own game.

Next, I considered Major Image—or, more specifically, the upcast version which is Permanent Image. When cast at 6th level or higher, the spell does not require concentration and lasts until it is dispelled. This spell can also be used to create the illusion of a person capable of carrying on a conversation. The illusion can move with the caster and be adjusted on the fly. However, there is no accounting for situations where the illusion is within range but out of earshot or line of sight.

Project Image would work best for situations where the illusion would be separated from the caster and still need to be convincing. That spell allows the caster to move their consciousness to the illusion, so Asmodeus would be able to have conversation as Arcadia or Milo if they split up. The duration is 1 day with a range of 500 miles, so that's more than enough to last the entire mission without recasting. Unfortunately, it requires concentration, which severely limits other spellcasting options.

There's two decent ways to game this: Glyph of Warding and Wish.

Glyph of Warding is a ridiculous trap spell that is highly customizable. Theoretically, It could be used to upcast for Permanent Image or cast Project Image. Asmodeus could pre-cast it a day earlier, rest to get spell slots, then he wouldn't need to trigger it until the Primes were close. Best of all, when Glyph of Warding is used for a spell, "If the spell requires concentration, it lasts until the end of its full duration." In other words, the caster doesn't have to maintain concentration on the triggered spell. (This is a very broken spell RAW, so discuss with your DM about what limits might apply in your game.)

Alternatively, at level 18, a Bard can gain Wish through Magical Secrets. Wish does a lot of things, but the key text reads:

The basic use of this spell is to duplicate any other spell of 8th level or lower. You don't need to meet any requirements in that spell, including costly components. The spell simply takes effect.

Concentration is a spell requirement. Casting Wish provides an option to replicate Project Image without needing to maintain concentration. Further, since it lasts a day, Asmodeus could have cast it hours earlier, taken a long rest, and gotten his 9th level spell slot back with plenty of time to spare. That does seem rather drastic just to create an illusion, but since he gets the spell slot back anyway, it's basically free, and then Asmodeus also has Wish.

Either Permanent Image or Project Image would be the best options because they would allow Asmodeus (as Arcadia) to control Father Milo so they can participate in the same conversation. I think Project Image is better for reasons discussed further below.

Invisibility

In E100, Arcadia cast "a Sphere of Invisibility" on Zaharzht, Tishar, Asha, and the Emissary when they left on a tram. Since it was just four of them, that may have simply been an upcast Invisibility spell, which requires concentration. There aren't any items that would cast on that many people (plenty cast it on 1), nor can spells cast from items be upcast. There also aren’t any items that would allow a caster to hold concentration on two different spells for an extended period of time. Finally, it’s possible that Asmodeus prepared an upcast Invisibility via Glyph of Warding and triggered it somehow, but that’s such a niche thing to trigger at the tram on exactly 4 people (given the larger group size) that I doubt that was the case.

Unless Brennan homebrewed something, it seems like Asmodeus had to hold concentration on Invisibility. That would eliminate any illusion options that also require concentration, and casting a later concentration spell would break the invisibility. As far as we know, it lasted as long as the other team needed it to, but we don't know how the scenes line up. Just because the scene with that team took place after the hospital scene doesn't mean that they happened sequentially. Brennan also mentioned that the invisibility should last nearly an hour when that team's scene began, so the tram trip didn't take very long.

Still, the best explanations for the hospital scene will involve spells that would not compromise concentration on Invisibility, and those would allow for more flexibility for your own nonsense.

Melting the Hospital Gate Lock

In E100, Father Milo appeared to hold and melt a lock on the gate to the hospital. Ayden, Trist, and Arcadia were there at the time.

Of all the spells that could destroy a lock, I think Heat Metal would be the most applicable. It has a range of 60 feet, so Arcadia could have done it from the back of the group, out of line of sight of the others.

Shatter and Knock make noise, so even if the illusion was adjusted to mask the visual effect, there’s obvious cues. Unless there’s a Silence effect (which requires concentration) in the area, they are both suboptimal.

Opening the Hospital Gate

Next, Father Milo appeared to push the gate open for the others. None of the spell options listed above allow the illusion to interact with objects. That had to be a separate spell or ability.

One good option for this would be the Telekinetic feat. It gives the caster an invisible Mage Hand that can be cast without verbal or somatic components, essentially mimicking telekinetic abilities. Mage hand does not require concentration and can open doors, but without the feat, it wouldn't be invisible, and that wouldn't be easy to hide or disguise in this specific circumstance. An invisible mage hand would also be useful for stealing from party members, so it may have been a contingency if anyone took something that Asmodeus needed to use the Factorum Malleus. However, Ayden also has blindsight, so a mage hand would need to stay out of that range to avoid detection.

Alternatively, 3 levels into Rogue to become an Arcane Trickster would also grant an invisible Mage Hand. Even better: cunning action can be used to control the Mage Hand as a bonus action, eliminating any conflict of using an action to control the illusion. However, the verbal and somatic components would need to be hidden with deception and/or sleight of hand, and that would eliminate the option to use Wish in the strategies outlined above (Bards can’t get Wish without 18 class levels).

Unseen Servant is also a good idea, though it costs a 1st level slot. Because it’s shapeless, it would not be detected by Ayden’s blindsight. Like mage hand, it does not require concentration, but unlike mage hand, it is always commanded with a bonus action, which is better for use in conjunction with a controlled illusion. That said, it can only move 15 feet per round, so it will not keep up with a moving group and will have to be recast on location. Also, it costs an action to cast, so you would need to cast it in advance of the round that you command the illusion and have the servant work in conjunction with it.

Animate Objects and Telekinesis (Magical Secrets at 10th level) are viable options, but both seem like overkill given that they cost 6th and 5th level spell slots, respectively. They are also concentration spells, so they’re not viable if Asmodeus had to maintain invisibility on the other team.

Father Milo and Ayden Chat

In the hospital, Father Milo left the room when Trist was about to heal Hallis. Father Milo walked down the hall, then turned to speak to Ayden, who had followed him. There had to be some way for the illusion to respond to Ayden in conversation.

We don't know how far away they got. It was distant enough that Trist didn't have reason to overhear the conversation. However, with her attention on Hallis and Cassida, Arcadia could have walked to the door and watched/listened from a distance to manipulate the illusion of Father Milo.

Alternatively, Project Image would have allowed Asmodeus to shift his consciousness from Arcadia to the illusion of Father Milo. That would have allowed him to see and hear from that perspective, and no one would have noticed that Arcadia had checked out.

Torturing Dr. Bezel

While speaking to Ayden, Father Milo appeared to touch Dr. Bezel and take control of her body, contorting it and causing her harm. Since we know Milo is an illusion, it couldn't have been a spell requiring touch, and it must have been something Arcadia could cast at a distance. Since she was behind Ayden, there's no concern about sleight of hand.

Dominate Person was my initial favorite. It grants the caster total control over the target, so that seems appropriate for forcing Dr. Bezel to harm herself. However, it requires concentration, so that would have ended the invisibility on the other team of gods. Maybe Asmodeus sensed that they had already dropped invisibility, but that's not confirmed.

If a 14th level Bard used Magical Secrets, Power Word: Pain might also be a viable option, but expensive for spell slots. While the spell doesn't do damage, this is also a RP moment, and it's not that much of a stretch to break a doctor's wrists. It doesn't require concentration.

Telekineses would allow Arcadia to manipulate Dr. Bezel's body. Unfortunately, it requires concentration, so there's a similar issue with invisibility.

It may be possible that Dr. Bezel was an extension of the illusion if Ayden lost sight of her at some point. Because the illusion spells are each adjustable and pretty flexible, it wouldn’t be out of bounds to do this. However, it would have been revealed if Ayden had touched Dr. Bezel, which is a serious risk given his inclination to heal and that they were all in close quarters. There is also the chance that the real Dr. Bezel could have walked in. That said, it would not surprise me in the least that Asmodeus would make an illusion of himself tormenting a mortal and then tell Ayden, “they’re not real.” That would be so incredibly on brand to tell the truth while so layered in deceptive illusions. Regardless, that may be a good option for your own illusion shenanigans: you’re already two people, so you may as well be three! (Discuss with your DM whether it would need to be recast to account for a second person—which can be done by ducking out of sight for a few seconds.)

Ayden cast Protection from Evil and Good... which shouldn't have worked to dispel the effect. There is a separate spell Dispel Evil and Good to do that. That said, since it's an RP moment, I don't think Brennan cared to force Nick to expend a 5th level slot for this. Further, if it really was an illusion, then Asmodeus didn’t have reason to recognize which spell was cast and adjusted the illusion to pretend it fixed everything.

Milo "Teleports" Back Inside

After the chat with Ayden, Father Milo stalked off to sulk by the gate. Once things pop off with the other teams, Ayden communicates over the telepathic bond that everyone needs to meet up. Brennan described that "there's a little smell of brimstone and Milo is standing in the room as well."

Asmodeus would have been able to add smell via Major Image, but not Project Image. However, a cantrip like Prestidigitation could add the smell. Either spell could achieve whatever visual effect was needed.

Cassida Teleports the Team / Arcane Gate Escape

Cassida made a split-second decision to go "full traitor" and teleport the team to the others at the Obtenebrator Engine. If she had been paying attention, maybe she would have noticed that 4 people teleported instead of 5, but it's sensible that it wasn't her focus at the moment.

Neither Father Milo nor Arcadia took any actions or noticeable movement in the subsequent combat. They then escaped the Engine with the others via an Arcane Gate.

If the illusion was broken by the teleport or gate (since it has a range), Asmodeus could have recast it with a sleight of hand check, assuming he was in anyone's line of sight. However, the illusion can follow the caster, so it depends on whether the DM would rule how an illusion mimics traveling or if there’s any interference. In either case, being the last to go through to cover any hiccups or recast unseen would be optimal.

Arcadia and Father Milo Split Up

For the final fight, Arcadia accompanied Trist, Umleta, and Cassida to retrieve the scrolls containing the information on the Factorum Malleus. Meanwhile, Father Milo joined the rest to destroy the weapon.

During the combat, Milo didn't do anything noticeable. He seemed to have to make saving throws against some attacks (Brennan listed him when saying who would be affected), and he spoke during his "turn," but Milo didn't cast anything. That wouldn't necessarily require active, attentive control by Asmodeus from afar. Switching consciousnesses for a few seconds (like when Trist was distracted) would have been feasible as well.

What about Telepathic Bond?

Just to head off a question that I expect some people might have, Ayden's Telepathic Bond would not have given Asmodeus away. It allows telepathic communication, but it's voluntary communication. It's not Detect Thoughts, and it wouldn't do something like detect locations of connected minds.

It also turns out that Arcadia and Milo never communicated over the telepathic bond. They only spoke “in person,” so there was no chance for some indication that would give away either of them for seeming similar.

Improving Your Chances of Success

Bards are great for not only having the spells to pull this off, but having access to the skill set to back them up. Their spellcasting ability is Charisma, which lines up well with necessary skills. Taking proficiency or expertise in Deception, Sleight of Hand, and Stealth would be solid choices, especially given their utility for this build outside of pretending to be two people.

As mentioned above, a 3 level dip into Rogue for Arcane Trickster is a good way to manage action economy (action and bonus action) for simultaneously using Mage Hand and either Major Image or Project Image. Mage hand is also more flexible than Unseen Servant, so it depends on what you anticipate in your game. If you intend to rely heavily on this combination, maybe go 4 levels for another ASI/feat too. Cunning Action is also great for keeping up with the group on the run (the others are using a Dash action) without letting an illusion fall behind (which takes up your action).

Why not a Wizard? Pretty much everything above could be done by a Wizard except Heat Metal. An Illusion specialist also gets some bonuses like being able to adjust illusions or temporarily make them real. However, the primary downsides to trying this with a wizard is the lack of expertise benefits and the need to stack both Intelligence and Charisma instead of only Charisma. Taking the Skilled and Skill Expert feats could compensate for some of that, but a MAD build that is only MAD for this specific purpose seems like a waste of a build, whereas the Bard version has a lot more utility outside of being 2 people.

As stated above, the Actor feat is practically a necessity for impersonating people your targets have met before because you can perfectly mimic voices. DMs would probably set higher DCs otherwise. The feat also grants advantage for related checks, making your ploy much easier to achieve.

As a final thought, it might be worth taking the Metamagic Adept feat for Subtle Spell. It can help you pull off spell casts when all eyes are on you or you’re occupied/restrained. It’s a very situational option, but you also get to pick a second Metamagic as well, so it’s not too niche.

And that's about it! It's a rather cumbersome thing to orchestrate, and there were a lot of ways to detect Asmodeus's scheme—with proactive investigation. If you suspect this bullshit is being used against you, go poke them in the face. Really, that would have been enough to expose the illusions.

Maybe this will inspire someone to try some shenanigans in your own game. :D

[daitranscripts]

Skyhold Quests

Sutherland and Company

Skyhold Masterpost

The PC passes a man in the tavern.

Sutherland: I hope I can help somehow. Maybe cleaning?

They stop to speak with him.

Sutherland: Oh. Inquisitor. I—uh, I joined. Sutherland, Your Worship. I saw some bandits, so I came to warn people. I'll let your warriors know and then… stay out of the way.

War Table: New to the Crew: A Young Hopeful

The PC returns to the tavern.

Sutherland: Inquisitor! It was amazing! Ahem, I'm sorry. Slow down. Your quartermaster outfitted me, and I got training to hunt the bandits near my home. In your name! I hired Voth here. Don't tell anyone, but he's a—a mage. A good one, though.

They talk to Sutherland.

Sutherland: Thank you for trusting me, Your Worship. I'll pay you back. I swear.

Dialogue options:

General: Who are you again? [1]

General: Return the gear; go to work. [2]

General: Keep training, recruit. [3]

1 - General: Who are you again? PC: Right. And who were you again? Sutherland: Oh, uh, no one, Your Worship. Just—never mind. Scene ends.

2 - General: Return the gear; go to work. PC: Very well. Let's get you out of that costume and put you to work. Sutherland: What? Oh, uh, of course. Thank you, I suppose. I have some skill. I'm sure I can… help fix the… place. Thank you. Scene ends.

3 - General: Keep training, recruit. PC: Good work. Keep with the training—we'll need every hand. Sutherland: Yes! Yes, Your Worship. We will do just that! Won't we, Voth? He doesn't speak. But he's thankful, too. [4]

4 - Scene continues.

War Table: A Patrol for the Crew

The PC finds Sutherland in the tavern with someone new.

Sutherland: Good work out there, Voth. Those blighted nugs won't infect anything now. Shayd, thanks for joining in on that escort for Lady Montilyet.

Shayd: Whatever.

Sutherland: She's great, right?

The PC speaks to him.

Sutherland: Training hard, Inquisitor. You have the best people. and we’re going to help.

War Table: Outfitting the Crew

The PC returns to the tavern.

Outfitted with Josephine Sutherland: This is the fanciest I've ever been. Shayd: Is this silk? My mother told me a story about silk once. I think I'm going to cry. Sutherland: Don't, it looks so good on you. You too, Voth. I can't wait for the next job.

Outfitted with Leliana Sutherland: This is sleek stuff. I've never seen anything like this. Shayd: I have. Serious bard gear. This is the best. Sutherland: Wow. And you're great in it.

Outfitted with Cullen Sutherland: Can you believe this armor? It must have cost two houses! Shayd: It's all right. Kind of heavy. Sutherland: Looks good on you.

The PC speaks to Sutherland.

Sutherland: Inquisitor! This gear is the best. I never thought—well, we’ll be worth it. I swear.

War Table: A Test of Mettle and the Crew

The PC returns to the tavern.

If operation was completed with Cullen/Josephine Glad I could bring the news about those darkspawn, Inquisitor. Must have been a tough fight. Wish I'd seen it. Had a lull after. Shayd went to Val Royeaux. Voth, I don't know. I'll get into Cullen's reserve yet, though. Not much else doing. Scene ends.

If operation was completed with Leliana Sutherland: I know! Then you were off the walls, Voth hit him with fire, and I got him around the side!

Shayd: You were very dashing. Cleaved him good.

Sutherland: Couldn't let him get near you. Either of you. We're a team. Better, we're an adventuring company. Hot shit, we're a company.

The PC speaks to Sutherland.

Sutherland: Inquisitor! You should have seen it. Darkspawn! We put your flag in the center of their bloody lair and held it!

Shayd: Isn't he good? He's very good.

Sutherland: We are better than good. We'll prove we're an adventuring company of the Inquisition. Your company, Inquisitor. I said I'd pay you back. And I will.

War Table: A Crew of Ambassadors War Table: A Crew of Adventurers

The PC returns to the tavern to find a dwarf where Sutherland usually is.

Rat: Oh, oh pebbles. Who do I talk to? It's so high here.

The PC talks to her.

Rat: Oh, Your Worship, I'm—uh, I'm with Sutherland, I'm Rat, his squire. Forgive me, I'm not used to being this high up. I was following, and… they were taken. They said to come here with a map if there was trouble. That you would help. They said you're a great [person]. A leader. You'll help, right? Because—because I don't know what to do.

Rat: Oh, it's so hard to breathe up here. I did what I could.

War Table: Sutherland and Company Missing

The PC tracks Sutherland to the Storm Coast.

Choice dependent dialogue:

Failed to save Sutherland [5]

Traveled to the Storm Coast to save Sutherland [6]

5 - Failed to save Sutherland

The PC returns to the tavern after failing to save Sutherland. Rat and Shayd are there.

Rat: But what do I do now?

Shayd: I don't care what you do, it's over. They're dead.

Rat: I can—I can carry.

Shayd: My stuff is light. I've nothing—nothing holding me down.

The PC talks to Shayd.

Shayd: Inquisitor? Just getting my things. You won't see any of us… me, you won't see me again. The rest are dead. Stupid charge to save a stupid caravan. Stupid… heroes. Anyway. (Sniffs.) It was good while it lasted. Have a good Inquisition. Scene ends.

6 - Traveled to the Storm Coast to save Sutherland

The PC arrives at the Storm Coast and joins the fighting.

Sutherland: It's the Inquisitor! I told you! I told you! He's a true-as-anything hero!

Sutherland: Fight 'em hard, company! We have the Inquisitor at our side!

Sutherland: Reinforcements! They won't know what hit them!

Sutherland: You're fighting a legend! That's the Inquisitor!

Sutherland: Watch the flank! Shayd: On it! Voth: With you!

Sutherland: Watch yourself! Thanks!

Shayd: Pattern Three? Voth: Five, five! Sutherland: On it!

The fighting ends.

Shayd: Sutherland: That's the lot! We won! Hurrah!

Shayd: Hurrah? You beautiful ass!

Voth: Heh. Good one.

The PC talks to Sutherland.

Sutherland: I knew you'd come. Rat's a good runner. We saved a caravan, but lost the fight. They saw your flag and were hoping we were good for a ransom. Once they learned we were nobody, we were good as dead. But here you are.

Dialogue options:

General: Nobody? You're my people. [7]

General: Just in time to save you. [8]

General: Back to Skyhold, company. [9]

7 - General: Nobody? You're my people. PC: Of course I'm here. You are an adventuring company of the Inquisition. Sutherland: (Sniffs.) You hear that? Did everyone hear that? Shayd: We heard it, you fool.

8 - General: Just in time to save you. PC: Arriving at the last moment. Don't forget style in your training. Sutherland: (Laughs.) I can only hope to be half as good a leader as you. Shayd: You're getting there.

9 - General: Back to Skyhold, company. PC: Form up and report back, company of the Inquisition. Sutherland: (Sniffs.) Yes, Inquisitor. Form up! Shayd: With pleasure.

10 - Scene continues.

Inquisitor. We'll return to the hold. And we'll be back out in no time. Thank you.

War Table: A Company of Heroes

The PC heads into the tavern.

Shayd: Give it to [them] now!

Sutherland: Not yet, it’s not enough.

YShayd: ou know it is, you're just chicken.

Sutherland: If I didn't love you…

Shayd: Shut it, you fool. (Chuckles.)

The PC talks to Sutherland.

Sutherland: Inquisitor! I—we have something for you. We've been saving and, well, this is yours.

Shayd: It's payback, for all you invested. Plus extra. You know, investment and such.

Sutherland: We just wanted to say thanks. We never would have been anything without you.

Dialogue options:

General: I'm proud to have you. [11]

General: You earned it. You deserve it. [12]

General: Sponsor someone like you. [13]

11 - General: I'm proud to have you. PC: It's people like you who built the Inquisition. You're the heart of it. Sutherland: Glad to give it, Inquisitor. One condition. Shayd: When you see us down the tavern, you're buying. Sutherland: If that's your will. Your Worship. [14]

12 - General: You earned it. You deserve it. PC: That looks like pay well earned. It isn't mine to take. Sutherland: You hear that? That's what inspired me. That right there. Shayd: Don't cry again, fool. Inquisitor? You see us in the tavern, we're buying. Sutherland: If that's your will. Your Worship. [14]

13 - General: Sponsor someone like you. PC: Pay it forward, Sutherland. Find someone like you and give them a chance. Sutherland: I will. I swear I will. Shayd: Don't cry again, fool. Inquisitor? You see us in the tavern, we're buying. Sutherland: If that's your will. Your Worship. [14]

14 - Scene continues.

If the PC approaches them again.

Sutherland: Inquisitor!

Shayd: you are a special person.

Voth: I love these guys.

Rat: (Burps.)

The PC finds Sutherland after the final battle against Corypheus.

Shayd: Tell [them]. It’s only right.

Sutherland: Not yet. It’s not the right time yet.

Shayd: You’re just stalling. We’re ready.

The PC talks to Sutherland.

Sutherland: Inquisitor. You won. We all won. And… I am honored I was a part of it.

Shayd: We all are. But with things winding down, Cullen's got more than enough troops.

Sutherland: (Ahem.) It's time for us to go. We've eyes on a keep of our own. Starting a freehold. Maybe even titles. You know, rising up. Like you did. Just like you.

Dialogue options:

General: I couldn't be more proud. [15]

General: I know you'll make it. [16]

General: Then you'd better get going. [17]

15 - General: I couldn't be more proud. PC: You've turned into fine people. I'm the one who's honored. Who's proud. Shayd: Don't, you'll start him crying. Sutherland: Are you kidding? This is the best day of my life. Every day is the best day.

16 - General: I know you'll make it. PC: You'll get that title. And more. I knew it from the start. Shayd: (Sniffs and laughs.) We promise not to start any rival Inquisitions. Sutherland: Well, there goes the first week. Heh.

17 - General: Then you'd better get going. PC: That kind of ambition can't wait. You'd better get moving. Sutherland: Right. We're setting out in the morning. And… thank you. Shayd: For everything.

18 - Scene continues.

Sutherland: Your Worship. It's been an honor. It's been… incredible.

Scene ends.

[ceeridwen99]

BG3 Companion Endings !!Rant!!

Hello there.

I...I just need to get some things off my chest, and this seems like as good of a place to do it as I will get.

So, exactly 100 hours of documented time into my campaign, and I'm about to start a fresh game because I don't want to finish act 3.

Let me explain. Also !!!!*SPOILERS*!!!!!

This may be a bit of an unpopular opinion, but the conclusions to a lot of the questlines, once we reach BG, are either unsatisfying or utter trash. My main gripe comes from the choices--or lack there fucking of--when it comes to the conclusion of certain companion questlines.

(Note: This is NOT a post about whatever companion ending one thinks is "good" vs "evil". I honestly don't give a shit about what endings people choose for their games. My issues come from the endings themselves.)

This stems from my main group setup, Shadowheart, Karlach, and, of course, Astarion (also my romance). I played a bard!Tav. It goes without saying that I love all the companions, even the ones that I didn't mainly use. They're all beautifully layered and I love that they are actually influenced by your playthrough...for the most part.

We'll get there in a moment.

My point is, after spending a good 100 hours with these characters, you end up caring a great deal about them. I really looked forward to seeing how their arcs were going to come to a head when we finally reached BG...

Act 1: Phenomenal.

Act 2: Fucking Fantastic.

Act 3: What the hell was that!

Never mind the complete and utter lack of pacing in the third act compared to the first two, what the hell are those questline endings?! I've never been so fucking disappointed and furious in my life. Again, this isn't a post about "good" vs "evil", but my irritation that NONE of the endings are good, or in my case, satisfying.

For a game that really stresses choices mattering (and for the most part they do to a certain point), it really suffers from Telltale syndrome in its final act, where none of the choices actually end up mattering, but in truth, you're pigeon-holed into two, and if you're lucky three endings.

Shadowheart's ending (in the Selune path) is either losing her parents but freeing her from Shar's control. Or gaining her parents but being tortured for the rest of her life. I don't even want to go into the Shar ending.

Karlach's ending is just fucking sad no matter which choice you make, and even the patched ending--supposedly giving us a better conclusion--is just bittersweet.

ASTARION'S FUCKING ENDING! Oh my god, his fucking ending is either selling his soul and the souls of seven thousand innocent people to not get a fucking sunburn. OR being banished back into the shadows and releasing seven thousand feral spawn into the world-- because yeah that sounds like a fucking good idea. Even if you don't release them, you have a choice between leaving them behind to rot or fucking killing them, but in this instance, their lives really would have been for nothing. By the end of this questline (and it is beautifully acted I'll give it that) I just sat there with a pit in my stomach feeling like I fucked up somehow no matter what ending I chose. To top it off, I learned that we don't even get any information at the end about how our choices affect the world after! What the hell!

Even Wyll's quest! Why the fuck an "I" of all people making this choice for him?! Where the fuck is the option to make him choose, or even ask him what he thinks/wants. In fact, where is the option to make anyone choose for themselves? Only Shadowheart (I found) really has one during her quest.

I find it really hard to believe that one could write such complex characters with strong, differing, opinions--so strong that they will leave the party if they dislike your actions too much--but then make them rely on the PC to make the most important decisions in their fucking lives. This is such fucking lazy writing and a cop-out. All of the conversations, all of the growth, really is just boiled down to "What do you as the player want for them?" *feral scream*

More than this, why the hell are there only two (maybe three at the max) options in the first place? You give us dozens of ways to resolve quests in acts 1 and 2, and yet, here is where you want to pull the "Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, everyone has to lose something to gain something in return" bullshit? What the hell, Larian!

Don't get me wrong. I'm a writer. I get that narrative. But not here. Not in a game like this. In a game like this, these "choices" feel like a slap in the face. This is DND, there are always more than two to three ways to solve something.

I know there are limitations. I know this doesn't have a DM who can make adjustments to the story on the fly to give an ending based purely on your choices. Even so, it is still highly disappointing (even more so for someone who plays DND and is a DM). I was so mad after these questline conclusions that it soured my playthrough. I don't want to finish this campaign because what's the point when I know the people I've spent 100 hours with, are going to get the short end of the stick no matter what I choose.

I went and looked at spoilers for the main story ending after this, and that just pissed me off more. Two or three endings and a piss-poor epilogue are what we get. Not even credit slides to let us know how our choices actually affected the world in the end. Why. Why. I don't even want to mention how dirty they did Astarion. That wasn't funny. Just fucking sad.

This game is overall a 10/10 for me when it comes to acts 1 and 2. It's fantastic. But Act 3 is a solid 2/10 for me, I'm sorry. There isn't enough content to fill the third act out either. I don't know if my game is bugged, but I can barely find any quests outside of what's picked up in Acts 1 and 2 and it's making running around the city seem aimless.

In conclusion, I'm mad and sad. At this point, I'm just going to replay acts 1 and 2 until this supposed Definitive Edition Larian is apparently good at putting out for their games irons out these inconsistencies, hopefully. (This post is just about companions, I also have many issues with the main story. *sigh*)

At least there is plenty of content in the first two acts to keep one busy, and even with 100 hours, I know I haven't seen everything. I'm also curious to know if my perspective of the third act will change with the Dark Urge, as I've heard good things about them being closer connected to the plot.

Who knows, we'll see.

Lol, this isn't how I expected to come back to this blog. If you've made it this far, thank you for listening to my rant.

Final disclaimer: Please remember this isn't about "good" vs "evil" endings. Also, if this is not at all how you felt, I'm glad you had a better experience than I did lol.

Alright, time to go write AU/homebrew fanfiction.

Stay tuned. ;)

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

AB, Mogwix and Co.

This was a piece of art did by one of the other amazing players at my D&D table for The Wild Beyond the Witchlight campaign and I love it! The robot with the hat is my PC, Environmental Analysis Automaton A-B4 or AB for short. They're a Circle of the Shepherd Druid trying to find their creator who went missing at the Witchlight Carnival under mysterious circumstances.

The other member of our party include Buttercup, the minotaur college of lore bard, Pan, the half elf college of eloquence bard/fey pact warlock, Mogwix, the goblin wizard, and Goramorn, the dragonborn way of the dragon monk.

I've been playing them for a while now and thought I'd share some of what I wrote about their creation.

Also, after this campaign wraps up we'll be starting a Curse of Strahd campaign which we will be streaming on twitch! Let me know if any of you are interested in watching or at the very least would like to hear about my PC for that campaign.

Memory Banks: 00.00.00.00.001

Visual data: 

Environment: enclosed, wood interior, man made 

Danger rating: Yellow; tripping and magical hazards  

Lifeforms: 1 Humanoid, Designation: Human Male

Audio data:

Human Male:

…there was light. Ah! Yes! Third time’s the charm, or eleventh in this case. 

 Alright Environmental Analysis Automotom Prototype A-B4, let’s see if you’re the one. Oh, that really is mouthful isn’t it? We’ll have to come up with something different. Of course, if all goes well you’ll be able to do that yourself some day, eh?

Why anyone would want to scrap you is beyond me. Well you know what they say, man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

 Oh, well…I suppose I shouldn’t say that. Readings look like you’re picking up everything audio and visual. Excellent. Was a bit worried about your memory banks. Obviously for an analysis unit all you’d really be worried about are the plants and the like pertaining to your programming. Admittedly it was a spotty job. But the storage is just about perfect. Probably will need to work on expanding it. Wouldn’t want you to have to erase memories to keep new ones. 

Oh well, details to be sorted later. Made a bit of a mess myself. 

Welcome to the world A-B4. I’ve got a feeling you’re going to be spectacular. 

Analysis:

Environment: Moderately hazardous

Humanoid: Mostly harmless

Memory Banks: 00.00.00.00.102

New Program: Designation: Speech 

Audio Data: 

Julian:

Sorry AB. Seems as though I might have crossed the wrong wires. Your visual input is temporarily down, but let’s test out this new feature. 

Oh there have been so many things I’ve been wanting to ask you. Your vocabulary should be up to snuff. I took special care in your speech pattern recognition. Best way to learn is through doing, after all. Doing in this case having been listening to my rambling for the last few months. Hopefully it did us both some good. 

I think it did. It’s how children learn at any rate. 

Alright, first question: what is your name? 

Searching…

Statement: Designation: Environmental Analysis Automotom Prototype A-B4

Julian:

No, not your designation. What is your name?

Statement: Request unclear. Specify. 

Julian:

What do you want to be called? 

Statement: Request unclear. Specify. 

Julian:

Well, I do suppose it’s still a bit early for you to have proper wants now isn’t it? Still got a lot of programming to get through. We’ll save your name for later. Hopefully you won’t resent me calling you AB in the future. 

I hate to ask what your thoughts on me now are.

Statement: Answer. Analysis of Human Male, Designation: Julian. Wizard. Middle Age. Diet: Tea. Sleep pattern: Inconsistent. Communication: Heavily Verbal. Danger level: Yellow. 

Julian: 

Now that’s a shining endorsement, I must say. 

Statement: Understood. Analysis confirmed. 

Julian:

Alright, next on the list, fine tune your audio input to recognize irony. 

And I’m hardly middle aged. I don’t plan to die at seventy. Well, seventy-two if you’re getting technical, but I’m nowhere near the top of the hill let alone going down it. 

Statement: Understood. 

Julian:

Let’s just get your eyes working properly again. 

Memory Bank: 00.00.00.200

New Visual Data: Still Image: Tiefling Female. Expression: Unknown. 

Audio Data:

Julian:

Happy. See the smile? She’s happy. 

Facial Expression: Happy. 

Statement: Understood. Smile means happy. 

Julian:

Alright. Now let’s go back to this one. 

New Visual Data: Still Image: Dragonborn Male. Expression: Happy. 

Julian:

Understandable confusion. See how his brow creases. That’s anger. 

Question: Showing teeth indicates happiness and anger?

Julian:

I’d say it’s usually either or, but yes. The subtleties are in the eyes. Mouths may lie, but the eyes always tell the truth. We’ll get more into the nuances once you get the basics down. 

Question: What is lie?

Julian:

Deception. It’s when a person says one thing but means another. 

Question: Like irony? 

Julian:

Ah no…well, sort of. It comes down to intent really. It’s when somebody makes a false statement and indends for another to believe them. 

Question: Why lie? 

Julian: 

Any number of reasons. Some people lie in order to trick somebody into doing something they want. Other times people lie in order to comfort another. 

Statement: Definition unclear. 

Julian:

Fair enough. I think this is just something you’ll have to wait to figure out when you’re older. 

Statement: Understood. Question will remain unanswered. 

Memory Bank: 00.00.01.002

Julian:

I do hope you don’t find these memories too boring once you properly wake up. I mean, most days are boring, but from what I understand you’ll be able to remember everything that’s ever happened to you, this included. 

I can only imagine what you’ll think of me. Try to be charitable. I’d argue no parent in the world has put this much effort into the actual creation process. 

Oh Gods, me a father? That doesn’t sound right. I’m not old enough– Well, I am plenty old enough, but I never saw myself as the fatherly type. 

Forget I said anything. Or, no, don’t forget. That’s not an order. Just an expression.

I’m really not giving you much of a leg up if I’m your example am I?  We’re going to have to make sure you get out more.

Memory Bank: 00.00.01.095

Visual Data:

Environment: Lab

Danger Rating: Yellow, tripping and magical hazards

Lifeforms: 1 Humanoid, Designation: Elf Male

Facial Expression: Surprised, subcategory: Unknown

Audio Data:

Unknown Elf: 

What in the nine hells? 

New Visual Data:

Lifeform: 1 Humanoid, Designation: Julian

Facial Expression: Surprised, subcategory: Put-out

Julian:

What are you doing back here?

Elf Male:

I should be asking you the same thing. You’re not seriously considering this. 

New Visual Data:

New Facial Expression: Elf Male

Facial Expression: Angry, subcategory: Very

Julian:

There is a reason why I keep my work private. 

Elf Male:

It’s one thing to work with automatons, maybe dabble in trying to awaken one for a period of time, but this? Do you realize what magic you’re tampering with?

Julian:

What I’m doing is just taking the awaken spell and to its most logical conclusion. Where exactly am I going too far? 

Elf Male:

To create a sentient creature they require a soul. You think you can just create a soul out of whole cloth?

Julian:

Last I checked quite a number of creatures create new souls every day, oftentimes by accident. 

Elf Male:

You know what I mean. Those are living, breathing, biological beings touched by the divine. This is a machine. Whatever programs or even magic you put into it, all it will ever be able to do is pantomime mortal emotions. It will forever be soulless unless you give it one or somehow deluded yourself into thinking you could create one. 

Julian:

I am making no claims to my personal ability to isolate the soul. My only claim is that something doesn’t require biological parts to have one. 

AB has no baseline instincts, not even survival. They were initially programmed for cold, calculated analysis of raw environmental data. All I’m doing is attempting to give them the ability to ask why and the choice to find the answer. 

Curiosity, in its purest form. That’s where it all starts. I give them the baseline ability to recognize emotions in others and the rest writes itself. How they decide to react will ultimately be up to them as they grow to understand and empathize with the world around them. Now look me in the eye and tell me that’s not any child you’ve ever met in your life. 

Elf Male: 

All without a soul to guide them. 

Julian:

You really haven’t met many children, have you?

Elf Male:

This isn’t a joke, Julian. Gods, do you not hear yourself?

Julian:

What exactly am I doing wrong? I’m not hurting anyone. No bodies are being exhumed. No souls have been stolen. No deals have been struck. All I am doing is what every wizard has done which is explore the full extent of our reality. 

Now either you’re right and what I end up making will merely pantomime mortals. Or I’m right, and I will have proven that souls are not given to us by some divine entity. What we call a soul is created within ourselves for each other. No gods required. 

Elf Male:

I can only hope I’m right.

Julian:

And I can only feel sorry for you. 

Visual Data:

Elf Male: Out of range

Analysis:

Elf Male: Potentially harmful

New Visual Data:

Lifeform: Julian

Facial expression: Sad, subcategory: unknown

Question: Are you sad?

Julian:

Not sad, AB. Disappointed perhaps.

Statement: Understood. Expression is disappointment.

Question: What is disappointment?

Julian:

It’s when you hoped something would be different from what it actually is. 

I wish I could tell you people like him are a minority. I wish I could say that others will see you and fully accept you as the person you will become. 

Some of them will. I think most people will want to. It’s hard to say. There is a great deal of ignorance and fear in the world, and a lot of people are content to leave it that way. 

Do try to be patient with us though. We’re only mortal. 

Statement: Request unclear. Specify. 

Julian:

I guess what I mean to say is, go into the world assuming people want to be kind.

Statement: Understood.

Question: And this can cause disappointment? 

Julian:

More often than not, but you’ve got to do it anyway. 

Statement: Understood. 

Memory Bank: 00.00.00.01.269

Audio Data:

Julian: 

I really do hate to admit it AB, but perhaps Dustain was right. Arcane magic will only get us so far. You’ve progressed nicely, but something is missing. Just that last little umph. 

Don’t worry, I’m not about to ask a god for help. Bastards would just rub in our faces. 

The awaken spell is the baseline of all of this. Perhaps that’s the best place to start. The magic innate in nature is separate from the divine. You’re not so different. Metal is merely refined elements found in nature. Just because you’re man made shouldn’t exclude you. 

Hmm, perhaps I shouldn’t have wiped all that analysis programming. 

Memory Bank: 00.00.00.02.154

Julian:

Now this is silly, isn’t it. I’m not even sure if this is going to work. But, I think I’ve got a lead on something that might finally wake you up. Not sure when I’ll be coming back, if I will. Of course, if I don’t come back, you’ll hardly care, now, will you? But, you might care, someday. Depends if this works. Memories are funny like that. They change the more you remember them. That was the point of all my ramblings anyway. 

What am I trying to say here? Wish me luck? Wish us luck? 

I can’t wait to meet you.

[kumenits-ocs]

all of my ocs are varying degrees of self inserts. they all have at least a couple traits of mine. eilif lokris in particular i gave him my thought process in regards to astarion as he romances the vampire in my first playthrough.

when i first heard of astarion it was late 2021. only one person i followed was talking about astarion so my thought process was that maybe bg3 was maybe a few years old but it was bad in some way that it wound up being mostly forgotten by people; not unusual considering the state of modern gaming and how everythings shitty on launch. i dont really wanna spend my money on bad games so i never thought id buy bg3.

for eilif i worked this into his story as astarion sometimes visiting the blushing mermaid where he works as a bard. eilif admires astarion from afar but since hes always working astarion doesnt really flirt with him.

next for me was learning that bg3 was just in early access this whole time and that it would be launching in full real soon. there was an artist (i wish i still had the og post) who created some fanart of astarion announcing there was 2 days until pc launch. dude i was so fucking hyped for that! i was practically frothing at the mouth! it was just some forgotten game from like 5 years ago, this was something new!

on eilifs side of the story it was when he first encountered astarion in the middle of nowhere. what do you mean the guy i have a crush on is right in front of me afterbbeing abducted by mind flayers and crashing through the hells?! eilif of course tried to help astarion with the supposed 'brain thing' hiding in the bushes to impress his crush and got jumped by the rogue before talking his way out the conflict.

next up was the price of bg3 along with feeling like my friend was practically taunting me with it. bg3 is over $80 for me, that is fucking *pricy* for any game! not only that but this is a *new* game! theres no telling if its gonna be as bad as i first thought it was or if it would be a diamond in the rough and actually good! one of my best friends was telling me a bit about all of the hijinks he was getting up to such as pushing goblins off cliffs. i was on the edge of my seat and i was so so fucking tense about it!

the bg3 writers have astarion starting off cold and distant. makes sense for his very early arc of trying to manipulate the player, he might wanna take some time studying the subjects he will manipulate in the near future to learn their wants and desires. eilif wants him to open up so he can flirt and maybe shoot his shot. its not easy to flirt with someone whos not open to *any* relationship, even when youre a bard. eilif spends the first few days in wait for just the right time.

at one point, just over a week after launch, i snap! i genuinely hate the idea of buying a new game so soon after launch after the countless times other games have failed their fans with rushed and/or half assed development right out the gate with plans of patching it into something even remotely playable maybe a year later. todays gaming industry is a mess! my obsession with astarion and my best friend regaling me with stories of his adventures drive me crazy enough to buy bg3 at full price, no waiting for any potential sales, i need it and i need it now! in the first week there was one single day where i had spent 9 hours playing only bg3. i was instantly infatuated with the game and being able to romance astarion myself.

for eilif this is when astarion "opened up", in quotations bc this is when astarion is manipulating eilif. he sees his chance to get with his long time crush and dives in head first! eilif is positively head over heels! hes nothing if not in love with astarion! hes wanted to be with astarion for years and refuses to muck up his chances now!

the only other notable part for my connection with eilif in regards to astarion is the act 2 romance scene where he openly admits to manupulating eilif. i think bc eilif and myself were so excited and eager to romance astarion that we both were really all too easy to manipulate into a romantic relationship. if someone had done that to me and then admitted they really did fall in love with me after manipulatinf me of course id feel hurt! its not that i wouldnt wanna be with them still but id need some recovery time bc damn does that shit hurt to here.

eilif would recognize astarion was finally being honest so he wouldnt break up with astarion. eilif would need like 3 days to recover from hearing the truth before the relationship is back on for real this time! since eilif is supposed to be really going through this as opposed to me who knows this is all fiction, he wouldve taken it a lot harder than i did. eilif wouldve cried over it whereas i just shook it off.

thats the story of eilif and myself falling in love with astarion!

my favorite ship dynamic :-)

[an-aussie-button-masher]

Who Needs PvP? Five of the Latest and Greatest Singleplayer Adventures

   What’s the most annoying aspect of modern gaming? Is it all the greedy battle passes and microtransactions? The incessant toxicity of online playerbases? Games demanding your endless interaction with constant daily or weekly challenges that guilt you for deciding to play anything else? It’s probably a combination of all of the above, really. Well, if you’re looking for a break from all that games-as-a-service online nonsense, seeking something a bit more casual, why not try these singleplayer adventures?   These are a handful of the latest and greatest solo games, all enjoyable offline with no toxicity or microtransactions in sight. Of course, while they’re increasingly outnumbered by online titles, there’s still far too many of these types of games to list here - so, I decided to gather a small yet diverse variety to show off here: a sprawling fantasy RPG with endless possibilities, an action-packed rhythm platformer, a creepy eldritch fishing game, a pantheon-slaying titan of storytelling, and a game where you play as a cat. Take a look for yourself!

Baldur’s Gate 3    Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past year, you’ve definitely at least heard of this game - especially after it won 2023’s Game of the Year. Baldur’s Gate 3 is about as close as it gets to a full Dungeons & Dragons campaign on your PC or console - no need to organise all your friends to show up for a campaign session! In this massive RPG, you can play as a handful of pre-set characters, all with their own expansive stories and countless unique interactions, or make your own from a dozen different races and classes. Want to be a Fighter? A Wizard? Barbarian? Cleric? Bard? Some unholy mashup of everything? Perhaps you’ll play as a human, or an elf, or a gnome, half-orc, or dragonborn - there’s a practically endless list of possibilities, and that’s just in the character select screen!   Everything you do has some kind of impact on the hours of storytelling: who will you help, and who will you fight? Where will you go? What sides will you take in this absolute narrative feat? There’s an overarching plot, but the path you take through it is entirely yours to decide - for better or worse.

Hi-Fi Rush    Bethesda sneakily released this bumping rhythmic platformer early in 2023, and it quickly became a number-one hit. Play as Chai, a bit of a loser with ambitious dreams of becoming a rockstar - and when he accidentally gets his music player implanted into his heart and the whole world around him starts moving to the beat, those dreams start to literally become reality. Suddenly, Chai’s fighting off a dark corporate conspiracy with the power of music, friendship, and blunt force trauma with a sick guitar made of magnetised garbage. In this game, everything - everything - moves, jumps, flashes and swings to the rhythm of the music playing from Chai’s heart, and moving yourself and your attacks in time makes you stronger and earn higher scores.   Hi-Fi Rush is truly an earnest throwback to old-fashioned straightforward action platforming, with a linear level-after-level structure and no side quests or unnecessary padding to get in the way of the story or the rapid-tempo gameplay. It’s got a beautifully colourful and chaotic artstyle, genuinely entertaining characters and hilarious writing, and of course, a banging soundtrack to top it all off.

Dredge    Let’s take things down a notch for those looking for something a little more casual and slower-paced - assuming you can keep your anxiety in check, that is. Dredge is a chilling eldritch cosmic horror story, disguised as a simple little fishing game. Sail out in your little tugboat, pull up any fish you find (don’t worry about the increasingly-creepy and disfigured catches, it’s probably just your imagination) and make absolutely sure you return to port before dark - you’re not alone out there. You might catch glimpses of things much older and much bigger shifting just beneath the waves; how much of it is really there, and how much is just your paranoia getting the better of you? Are you willing to take the risk that there’s nothing really there…or that it didn’t see you?   Once you start collecting some decidedly-unnerving artefacts in the waters, a puzzling storyline begins to take shape, capped off with a stunning twist and a dangerous choice to make…or, you can just mind your own business and keep busy catching and selling all the fish from day to day, upgrading your boat and relaxing on the mostly-calm ocean. Just mind those lights in the fog - pretty sure that isn’t a town in the distance…

God of War: Ragnarök    Now, back to something a bit more blood-pumping with a true linear action titan - God of War: Ragnarök. Kratos, the former god-butchering Ghost of Sparta, is back, and (reluctantly) doing what he does best as he faces off the might of the Norse gods including Thor, Heimdall, and Odin himself, alongside his growing son Atreus. Between all the enemy-slaughtering and gallivanting across the Nine Realms, Ragnarök tells an emotional and engaging narrative of a father not wanting to lose his son, fighting against fate itself to protect his boy just a little longer. The game features graphics and visuals as gorgeous as its’ writing and acting is brilliant - it’s little wonder why Christopher Judge won 2022’s Best Performance as Kratos.   Besides the story is the fast-paced complex combat system God of War fans know and love, with Atreus joining his father as a playable character with his own array of skills and attacks; time to get that hand-eye coordination up! For returning players looking for a good reason to jump back into action, a recent DLC expansion adds a brand-new challenging mode if you’re after a true test of skill in the hallowed battlegrounds of Valhalla.

Stray    This is a game where you play as a cat. Need I say more? Well, if the feline gimmick isn’t enough to interest you, how about a surprisingly fascinating world and endearing characters? Stray pits the cutest protagonist in gaming against a dark, treacherous world that’s much, much bigger from the perspective of our tiny fuzzy hero. In this game, you’ll climb, jump and sneak across a neon-lit city populated entirely by robots, all carrying on with their jobs long after humanity is gone in a tale that explores questions of sentience and societal growth - and collapse.   Come for the adorable little kitty, but stay for the interesting story, beautifully haunting visual style, quirky robotic characters and some thought-provoking puzzles. How far can this cat go to reunite with its lost family? Will this unlikely hero be the key to helping its new mechanical friends find freedom from the massive locked-down city? What happened to humanity in the first place? There’s a lot of questions to answer, and yet you’re just a cat. Additionally, the game also features the best button prompt ever: Press O to Meow!

   Like I said, there’s plenty more solo adventure games to be found beyond these standout examples - which one is your favourite? Are there any more worthy additions to this list you know? Let’s hear it! Feedback, reblogs and likes are all much appreciated!   Thanks for reading!

An Aussie Button-Masher

[sgt-cookie-2]

"Barbarians can't do intrigue"? Wrong, smoothbrain.

If the barbarian can't be subtle then don't even try to be. Instead, be loud, be obnoxious. Make sure that everyone knows where you are at all times. Make sure that the movers and shakers always have you in the back of their minds, a niggling feeling that you're out there, doing... something.

And that "something" is being a distraction. You don't necessarily need to use those murder skills on actual murder. Show up to the noble's feast uninvited, wearing the skin of a bear you just killed, dumping the rest of the carcass into the middle of the hall, demanding that the kitchen staff get in here and cart it off to be cooked to your satisfaction, then declare loudly to the gathered audience that your services are available to the highest bidder.

Barbarian intrigue isn't about secret meetings between conspirators, silently picking each other off with daggers and poison. Those things would never work against you anyway. Make yourself into a larger-than-life figure. Make sure that everyone knows your name and your deeds. That way, if a noble opponent wants to take out the barbarian, they have to do it on the barbarian's terms: Loud and obvious. Because you don't merely "kill" a barbarian. You have to obliterate them. Everyone will know exactly who is trying to do away with the barbarian, because the noble has no choice but to do it that way.

As a result of this, the rest of the party is able to move unhindered, unseen. Of course the other PCs are going to be where the barbarian is because everyone is where the barbarian is. The party needs to meet with a noble without arousing suspicion because why would this noble be speaking with this random common bard? Simple: The barbarian wanderd into the halls of said noble demanding they send out their strongest wrestler because he got bored and needed some excercise giving the noble an opportunity to "see what all the fuss is about".

Does the rogue have an almost-perfect infiltration planned, if it weren't for this one guard post? Simple: Get the barbarian a little drunk, have then rock up to the front door in the middle of the night and have them loudly demand entry because he "wants paying for that job he did and he will get it tonight, even if he has to wake up the entire damn house". Result? The guards will be forced to move away from their post to deal with the drunken rabble rouser.

And as a bonus, word will get back to the other nobles, making them wonder exactly what job he means? It's certainly possible that one of his "outings" was sponsored by this noble, after all, if it were anything else, the barbarian is loud and obnoxious, so they would have heard about it before, right?

The idea is for the barbarian to develop a reputation as someone who goes wherever he wants, does whatever he wants and fights whatever he wants. The goal is to have so much news, rumour and buzz surrounding the barbarian that what is fact and what is fiction is impossible to determine, that whatever he does is simultaneously the Hot Current Thing everyone is talking about but also "just another page in that muscled brute's legend", not worthy of any deep analysis because every other day there's something new to talk about. And even when there isn't the fact there's nothing new about the barbarian to talk about is, itself, something new to talk about!.

Barbarian intrigue isn't about fitting a round peg into a square hole. It's not about being "the muscle" who intimidates people and does the heavy lifting. It's not about keeping your head down and trying to stay below notice. Barbarian intrigue is about making sure that a hundred thousand eyes are on you at all times, that the noise produced by your mere prescence drowns out any other sound.

Barbarian intrigue doesn't hide in the shadows. It shines so brightly that you blind everyone around you.

[dmsden]

My Filing Technique Is Unstoppable - Organization at the table

Hullo, Gentle Readers. This week’s Question from a Denizen comes to us from crustygaymer. They ask, “ Hey, I'm new to DMing and I'd like some advice! I'm having trouble finding all the notes I need when we get the different parts of my sessions - how do you organize your notes (tabs in the books, printed sheets of notes, computer with multiple screens, etc...)?”

Great question, crusty. Speaking personally, I’m almost completely electronic these days. I still love to grab a notepad when I’m planning a campaign, but for the day-to-day running, I’ve got most of my notes, calendars, etc online. So here’s a bit of a glimpse into how I work and what I have active when I’m running a game.

Most of my note-taking these days is in an organizational program called Notion, which you can find online at Notion.so. I like this because it’s cross-platform and updates live. So if I take notes on my iPhone while I’m on the road, when I next connect my phone to the internet, any version of my notes I look at, on my iPad, Desktop, or Laptop, will be updated with what I had written.

Before any given session, I sit down and prep a Game Notes sheet for that session. In there, I jot some bullet points for a Recap. I also add in a few bullet points for the various plot points I feel we might hit for the evening.  If, for example, I know they’re likely to head to a specific tavern, I may have some notes like:

Tavernkeeper is Liam Whitetree, ex-soldier, human, male, salt & pepper hair, scar along right cheek makes him look like he’s always grimacing.

Tiefling bard with purple skin plays lute in the corner, golden eyes looking at each newcomer warily

Many rumors about the war in the west. Gnolls have some kind of secret weapon.

Gnome drinking everyone under the table. She has fiery red hair and a gap-toothed grin.

Sometimes these carry over session to session. If they don’t go to the tavern, I don’t toss the notes out; I copy them into the notes for the next session. If they leave that area, I might not include the tavern notes each session, but I won’t delete them. I’ll either reuse them when they finally do visit that tavern, or I’ll rename the tavern and use the notes for another such establishment down the road.

Most of my world-building notes now exist on a website called WorldAnvil. I found that I liked the format of this site much more than others. It’s fairly easy to organize and make it useful for both myself and my players. As the campaign has moved along, I’ve made entries for most NPCs, items, places, and so on that the PCs have heard of or encountered. This makes a robust wiki for the players to use to look up details they may have forgotten. It even allows me to note DM secrets about the various entries and to have secret notes that some players can see and others cannot.

For combat encounters, I’ve been using D&D Beyond’s encounter creator. I also like to use D&D Beyond in general for looking up monsters, spells, magic-items, and rules.

When I’m running a session, I have a number of websites up in their own windows. I have my Notion page up with the notes for the week’s game session. I have a D&D Beyond up for looking up references and to run any needed encounters. I have a WorldAnvil up in case I need to refer to any worldbuilding info. And in general, I find this is all I need to run a solid session.

After any game, I make notes about any new NPCs, places, or important info I may have improvised over the course of the session. I will then generally make sure I make a new WorldAnvil entry for them before the next session. I’ll also make some brief notes about what seems the likely next move for the PCs, and I’ll use these notes when I’m prepping for the next session as well.

I hope this helps, crusty. If you have any follow-up questions, feel free to ask. Until next time, Gentle Readers, may all your adventures lead back home in the end.

[tigerkirby215]

5e Sona, the Maven of the Strings build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Shilin Huang. Made for Riot Games.)

(Shit meme by yours truly.)

Revealing my Champion Mastery just to say that I play a lot of Sona. Don’t flame me for playing Seraphine and Yuumi I swear to god, and I have no idea why Teemo is in my top 10 highest mastery champs ngl.

Anyways you have no idea how happy I am as a Sona main that my girl is now top tier. I came to League of Legends from Overwatch (yes really) and I used to main Lucio in OW along with some of the more “techy” characters like Symmetra and Torbjorn. (Came to OW from TF2 where I mained Engineer and Medic.) Sona was a natural fit for me as a champion who was both easy to play and very similar to Lucio. It also helps that I joined the Rift during the single most engaging meta to ever grace this game. I was kinda too shit to play Janna but the Ardent Censer meta is also why I have such a high mastery on Lulu tbh.

But enough about my history with League: Sona! Honestly when I think of an archetypical support Sona pops into my head a lot sooner than Soraka: a champion based on empowering their teammates in as many ways as possible with heals, shields, movement speed, and CC to hold the enemy team down. I’ve always loved playing her because she feels like much more of a macro oriented character than other supports, with team-wide support as opposed to keeping one person alive like Soraka or Yuumi or focusing on CC like Morgana and Nami.

I’m going to build most if not all the champions eventually but man I am happy to tackle Sona now. She’s always been on my mind as my main but it was pretty difficult to think of how to make her. I think this build is good enough though!

Wow that was much longer of an intro than I’m used to. You can really tell which champions I’m excited for lol.

GOALS

Everything in harmony - Sona boosts everyone on her team with her songs as they fill the air.

Triple time! - Sona’s ability to boost her whole team into a good position is always beneficial.

Crescendo! - Fun fact: Sona’s ultimate is canonically extremely painful as she forces you to contort your limbs against your will. Why is Sona needlessly macabre? Well remember that Riot also wrote Volibear as an Eldritch old god.

RACE

Sona is Human but if you want to be cool you can make her a Kalashtar for resistance to Psychic damage and advantage on Wisdom saves. Regardless we’re going to be making what’s known as a dollar store Kalashtar with Variant Human. Increase your Charisma by 1 as well as your Constitution because we kinda don’t need much else. You also get proficiency in one skill of your choice which will of course be Performance, and a language which you can pick as you fancy: you won’t be speaking it anyways lmfao.

That’s because “Only you can hear me summoner; what masterpiece shall we play today?” Grab the Telepathic feat to complete this dollar store Kalashtar package. Increase your Charisma score by 1 and get a 60 foot telepathy to speak while being mute. You also learn the Detect Thoughts spell and can cast it once without using a spell slot. "Did he want... four autographs? I don't understand."

ABILITY SCORES

15; CHARISMA - Charisma is tied to performance and all the other stuff a Demacian noblewoman is expected to be good at.

14; DEXTERITY - Something something medium armor; even if you wear a dress there’s no reason you can’t have some padding beneath it!

13; STRENGTH - Hey this isn’t something something medium armor!

12; CONSTITUTION - Sona may be squishy in League but I value not dying more than good skill checks honestly.

10; WISDOM - Speaking of not dying: Wisdom saves are more common, and Insight is more useful than most Intelligence skills.

8; INTELLIGENCE - We had to dump something so unfortunately Intelligence gets the short end of the stick. You may have studied under the illustrious Buvelle family but most of those lessons were music classes.

If you want a better stat array going 13 / 14 / 12 / 10 / 10 / 14 with Point Buy is perfectly viable, and if your DM is cool enough to let you multiclass without Strength then you’re more than welcome to dump it.

BACKGROUND

There’s two obvious backgrounds that fit Sona: the first is Entertainer for proficiency with Acrobatics and a skill of your choice (since we already took Performance lol.) You also get proficiency with Disguise Kits and your Etwahl! (That’s what Sona’s instrument is called btw.) Your background feature By Popular Demand allows you to play any stage once. "Some, just the once.” You can perform in exchange for a place to stay, and when you do so the local people will remember your wonderful performance!

But making an Entertainer Bard is kinda cliché, no? If you want to lean into Sona’s Demacian heritage go for the Noble background. This gives you proficiency with Persuasion and History as well as a gaming set of your choice: unfortunately Tellstones isn’t an option (unless your DM decides otherwise!) so a Dragonchess Set will do well enough. Oh and you get another language that you won’t speak: fun! Your Position of Privilege makes it easy for you to arrange meetings with other important people, and the commonfolk will be kind and cordial with you.

(Screenshot from the Tellstones: King’s Gambit trailer by Riot Games.)

I personally opted to go for Noble when making this build, but if you want to choose Entertainer go right ahead! Backgrounds don’t affect too much overall and it’s up to you (and your DM) to make your own Sona!

(Artwork from League of Legends Wild Rift. Made for Riot Games. RIOT PLEASE UPDATE MUSE SONA ON PC I’M BEGGING YOU!)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - BARD 1

I mean what else did you expect? Bards get proficiency in three musical instruments of their choice: a Lyre is the closest you’ll get to Sona’s Etwahl, though a Dulcimer is also pretty close. I’d also recommend grabbing a Lute since most magical instruments come in Lute variety.

You also get proficiency in 3 skills of your choice like Perception to watch wards, Insight to watch people, and Athletics for a bit of Tenacity to break out of grapples. (As well as potentially grab some people yourself! Although Acrobatics is also perfectly fine for escaping grapples.)

As a Bard you can boost your ADC with Bardic Inspiration, letting them add a d6 to attack rolls, ability checks, and saving throws. You have a number of these equal to your Charisma modifier and they come back after a Long Rest.

But of course the main reason to play a Bard is to do Demacian-banned Spellcasting! You learn two cantrips from the Bard list like Vicious Mockery for some diminuendo, making it harder for the enemy to hurt your allies while also cutting them down to size. (I don’t know if your DM will let you slap your Etwahl angrily and then point at them judgingly, but you may have to break your vow of silence every now and then.) You can also learn Prestidigitation for all sorts of general magic stuff that you really shouldn’t do in front of anyone important.

You of course also learn 4 Bard spells like Cure Wounds and Healing Word for the atypical healing spells, Dissonant Whispers for some Hymn of Valor damage, and Detect Magic which you’ll likely be expected to cast as the designated support. *Sigh* Always gotta buy wards.

LEVEL 2 - BARD 2

Second level Bards could be called a Jack of All Trades, as you get to add half your proficiency bonus to any skill you aren’t proficient in. This means even if your ability scores are bad the skills you don’t have proficiency in are still good enough! You also get Song of Rest, letting your allies recover an extra d6 of health during Short Rests. And if you have Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything  Magical Inspiration will let your allies add their Bardic Inspiration to the damage or healing of a spell they cast!

And finally you can learn another spell: against as the designated support you’re expected to take Identify.

LEVEL 3 - BARD 3

Third level Bards get Expertise in two skills: Performance is an obvious must and Persuasion would probably be good as well.

But more importantly you get to choose your Bardic College and if you want to both shield your allies and speed them up look no further than the College of Glamour! That’s because Mantle of Inspiration grants 5 temporary hitpoints to a number of creatures within 60 feet of you equal to your Charisma modifier (which can include yourself by the way!) Additionally those creatures can move up to their movement speed as a reaction without provoking opportunity attacks, making this a great tool to reposition an ally who’s caught in a dangerous position!

You’re also capable of creating an Enthralling Performance: if you perform for at least 1 minute, you can attempt to inspire wonder in your audience. At the end of the performance you can choose a number of humanoids within 60 feet of you who watched and listened to all of it, up to a maximum equal to your Charisma modifier. Each target must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw or be charmed by you.

While charmed in this way, the target idolizes you, and speaks glowingly of you to anyone who talks to them. They also hinder anyone who opposes you, although they avoid violence unless it was already inclined to fight for you. This effect ends on a target after 1 hour unless they take any damage, you attack it, or it witnesses you attacking or damaging any of its allies. If a target succeeds on its saving throw the target has no hint that you tried to charm it, and you can use this ability once per Short or Long Rest.

Finally you can learn second level spells like Hold Person, for a one-man version of your ultimate.

LEVEL 4 - BARD 4

Ah the first of many Ability Score Improvements. You may have noticed our deliberately uneven Charisma modifier: that’s because I’m going to be taking the Fey Touched feat for +1 to your Charisma, the Misty Step spell (for Flash, of course), and the Gift of Alacrity spell from Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount for a Song of Celerity! Accelerated movement? I concur.

You can also learn another spell as well as another cantrip! For your cantrip take Mage Hand for help warding those hard-to-reach areas, and for your spell take Lesser Restoration, because yeah it’s also your job to buy Mikael’s. *Sigh.*

LEVEL 5 - BARD 5

5th level Bards get a Font of Inspiration that lets their Bardic Inspiration come back after a Short Rest as well as a Long Rest. That’s good because your Bardic Inspiration increases to a d8, which also boosts your Mantle of Inspiration to grant 8 temporary hitpoints!

You can also learn another spell like Hypnotic Pattern: while it won’t do any damage and your allies can’t hit the dancing enemies it’ll still be the best recreation of your ultimate for now.

(Artwork by Katie “TeaTime” De Sousa. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 6 - PALADIN 1

I hope you weren’t expecting this to be a pure Bard build, because then I’d just be building Seraphine again! Grab your something something Medium Armor as well as a shield (well technically you need both hands free to play a musical instrument) it’s Paladin time, master of auras! 

Paladins get a Lay on Hands pool equal to 5 times their Paladin level for some more healing. You can touch a creature to give them any amount of health from your Lay on Hands, or use 5 hitpoints from your Lay on Hands pool to neutralize a poison or disease affecting them. You also get Divine Sense to locate any Celestial, Fiend, or Undead as long as they’re within 60 feet of you and not behind total cover. Don’t worry it gets a lot more exciting later.

LEVEL 7 - PALADIN 2

Second level Paladins can choose their Fighting Style and you’re still more of a mage than a warrior, so Blessed Warrior will give you two cantrips from the Cleric list that use your Charisma! Guidance is an obvious must for a support and Toll the Dead is a great option if you want to go full AP.

Should you have options for attacks to target enemies who have high Wisdom? Yeah probably: Sacred Flame might be a good choice.

Of course cantrips also imply more Spellcasting! You can prepare a number of spells equal to your Charisma modifier plus half your Paladin level (rounded down) which is currently a freaking lot of spells. Let’s just go down the list, shall we?

Bless is great to buff your team and make them harder, better, faster, and stronger.

Command is a mostly harmless Enchantment spell that will force your foes to do as you, well, command. I’d argue “dance” is a reasonable Command.

Protection from Evil and Good is never bad to have in your back pocket in case you’re fighting either Kayle or Fiddlesticks.

And Shield of Faith will let you boost your ADC’s survivability with Ardent Censer!

I know you can prepare more spells but there isn’t much I want from first level of Paladin. I am contractually obligated to mention that you can also turn your spell slots into a Divine Smite if you hit an enemy with a melee weapon, but you aren’t really going to be using weapons in this build. That’s right boys hop aboard the caster Paladin train!

LEVEL 8 - PALADIN 3

Third level Paladins get to choose their Sacred Oath and Oath of the Watchers may seem weird but it’s really good at defending your allies. That’s because you get two different Channel Divinity options: Abjure the Extraplanar works similarly to the Cleric’s Turn Undead feature except it affects Aberrations, Celestials, Elementals, Fey, and Fiends.

Watcher’s Will meanwhile lets you choose a number of creatures you can see within 30 feet of you, up to your Charisma modifier. For 1 minute, you and the chosen creatures have advantage on Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma saving throws. This means that in a party of 6 this ability can give your whole party advantage on all mental saves, which is huge for keeping everyone alive against nasty casters! See? Demacia can use your magic!

Speaking of magic you get Alarm and Detect Magic as Oath spells. (Might want to swap Detect Magic from your Bard list with Mass Healing Word ty Tasha’s.) You can also use Harness Divine Power to regain a spell slot equal to half your proficiency bonus a number of times per Long Rest. And you get Divine Health, because you don’t take a sick day to stop complaining about Seraphine.

LEVEL 9 - PALADIN 4

4th level Paladins get another Ability Score Improvement: cap off that Charisma for maximum AP scaling!

(Artwork by Kelly Aleshire & Esben Lash Rasmussen. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 10 - PALADIN 5

5th level Paladins can finally prepare second level spells! As a Watchers Paladin you get access to Moonbeam as well as See Invisibility, both of which are very good for dealing with incoming gankers.

You can also prepare spells like Aid to boost your allies’ HP, Prayer of Healing (ty Tasha’s) for some out-of-combat healing, and Warding Bond for a Knight’s Vow.

Oh and you get an Extra Attack, which sure would matter if you were actually using weapons.

LEVEL 11 - PALADIN 6

6th level reasons get the main reason Sona’s a Paladin: Aura of Protection! All your saving throws are increased by an amount equal to your Charisma modifier, which is a full +5 currently! But what’s special about this ability is that it also applies to your allies within 10 feet of you, letting you give out auras a plenty to keep your allies safe!

You can also prepare another spell but again: not much I really want. So we’re going to be waiting a little while longer once again.

LEVEL 12 - PALADIN 7

7th level Watchers Paladins get Aura of the Sentinel, or as I like to call it: Song of Celerity. When you or any creature of your choice within 10 feet of you roll for initiative, they gain a bonus to initiative equal to your proficiency bonus. While this may make positioning a little difficult (everyone’s going to have to huddle around you) this ability guarantees that you can speed up all your important allies to make sure they get their powerful abilities off!

LEVEL 13 - PALADIN 8

8th level Paladins get another Ability Score Improvement or a Feat. You may have noticed your uneven Constitution score: grab good ol’ Resilient Constitution for a boost to your health and even more insurance on your Concentration checks. With your Paladin aura and proficiency you’d have a +12 total to your Constitution checks currently, meaning that if you take 24 damage or less you won’t even have to roll for Concentration!

LEVEL 14 - PALADIN 9

You are probably the only Paladin who cares about spells, so it’s nice that you get 3rd level spells now! Watchers Paladins get two very strong third level spells: Nondetection will help you deward and keep your allies safe from enemies that may try to sneak a peak at you, but Counterspell is the true best choice to stop danger from befalling your allies. What’s very good about Counterspell is that as a Bard you get to add Jack of All Trades to the skill check, meaning it’s far easier for you to deny an incomming spell than any other spellcaster! “Mages have enough problems without you.”

Of course you can prepare some more spells like Aura of Vitality for Aria of Perseverance, and Revivify for an ADC’s Guardian Angel. But having access to spells like Remove Curse, Dispel Magic, Crusader’s Mantle, and even Daylight on the Paladin spell list are all extremely useful to be able to prepare. Remember that you are doing yourself a disservice by not taking time to think about what the best spells to prepare would be for your current quest. "Every note is important."

(Artwork by Kelly Aleshire & Esben Lash Rasmussen. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 15 - BARD 6

Now that we’ve got all our auras it’s time to go back to Bard for Mantle of Majesty! As a bonus action, you cast Command without expending a spell slot as you take on an appearance of unearthly beauty for 1 minute. During that minute you can cast Command as a bonus action on each of your turns without expending a spell slot. Additionally any creature charmed by you automatically fails its saving throw against the command you cast with this feature. You do have to concentrate on this feature (like a spell), and once you use it you can’t do so again until you finish a long rest.

You can also learn another spell but there isn’t much I want from the third level of Bard, really. Oh and you get Countercharm which is awful and I hate it, but since you didn’t take a 10th level in Paladin I suppose you have to use it. Spend an action to give allies advantage on their saving throws against charms and fears, I guess.

LEVEL 16 - BARD 7

7th level Bard; 4th level spells. Freedom of Movement will let you help either yourself or an ally with Mikael’s Crucible, and Dimension Door is great to get into lane fast, or back to base fast!

LEVEL 17 - BARD 8

8th level Bards get another Ability Score Improvement, and if you don’t like the look of something something Medium Armor then the Eldritch Adept feat might be able to help. Take the Mask of Many Faces invocation to be able to cast Disguise Self at will to change your skins as you please.

Could you have taken this earlier? Absolutely. Are there better invocations? Yeah probably, but by level 17 you can make some of your own choices. Build your own Sona: this is merely a guide and you can make your own choices.

Speaking of own choices: take whichever spell you want at this level. There’s plenty of great ones for a 4th level Bard and I can’t recommend anything in particular to you. Every musician has their own style, and it’s up to you to find your own!

(Artwork by Yan Li. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 18 - BARD 9

9th level Bards get to pretend that increasing Song of Rest from a d6 to a d8 by total level 18 is helpful.

You do get access to 5th level spells like Mass Cure Wounds, which is like Mass Healing Word but better! "Harmoniously."

LEVEL 19 - BARD 10

10th level Bards get Expertise in two more skills: Perception is an obvious must to watch over your wards but beyond that? Honestly pick your poison with whatever skill you want since by level 19 you can make your own choices. (Though my personal choice would be Athletics to hopefully give some more safety against grapples.)

But of course the main boon of reaching level 10 in Bard is the Magical Secrets! ...I’m afraid I’m going to have to disappoint you again: there honestly aren’t any spells in particular I want as Magical Secrets. Sure I could recommend spells like Haste or whatever but are they really going to be that great by total level 20? To be honest even the spells on the Bard list like Animate Objects, Greater Restoration, Hold Monster, Rary's Telepathic Bond, Scrying, and Synaptic Static are very good (although I’d sooner replace some of your old spells with them.)

Again I know this is supposed to be a “guide” but most people won’t hit level 19 anyways, so I don’t think it’s that bad for me to recommend you take your own steps to make your own Sona. Hell, build some AP if you want! I know I would!

LEVEL 20 - BARD 11

Our final level is the 11th level of Bard and I’ll be honest: it’s just to add Otto's Irresistible Dance to your spell list. It can only affect one person but it’s still your ultimate by total level 20.

Oh and you were supposed to get a cantrip last level. Uhhhhh I dunno take Mending lol.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

The rhythm connects us all - You have dozens of spells to keep your team alive and active during a fight, not to mention that all your Paladin auras and abilities really help them give 110%. It’s worth mentioning that Gift of Alacrity combined with Aura of the Sentinel is a d8 + 6 to an Initiative roll, which will almost always guarantee that whoever you want to go first will be going first!

A true masterpiece should celebrate living - Despite your somewhat weird level split you maxed out the only stat which matters for you: Charisma. And woah holy shit turns out Paladins are really good with maxed out Charisma! +5 to all saves means even your lowest save is a +4, and the saves your proficient in vary between +13 for Dexterity and Constitution (both very common!) and a whopping +16 save on Charisma!

Curtains up; I'm ready - Jack of All Trades also does quite nicely to help your middling skills. Even though I dumped most of your mental skills you’re still proficient enough that you won’t be completely helpless when caught off guard. And when you’re in the zone with Persuasion or Performance you are easily the best girl around!

CONS

Don't make me get off stage - It was my intention to recreate Sona’s positional gameplay with this build but it does present some gameplay issues when trying to maximize your effectiveness. Where do you position yourself as a character who’s still primarily a squishy caster despite your good saving throws and AC? Can you give everyone in your party support, or are they too spread out to get value out of your 10 foot range auras?

Quiet, please! - You have a damn good concentration check, but what do you concentrate on? Not only do you have a ton of spells but they all scale very good with levels and you have spell slots that go far higher than your maximum level spell. It can be hard to choose what to do with those 7th and 8th level slots.

The world is cruel... Until that changes, I'll never stop playing - One of many “meta” problems with this build was my choice to focus almost entirely on support. Sure Toll the Dead is a great damaging cantrip but your only two damaging spells are Moonbeam and Dissonant Whispers. Again: you don’t have to follow my build point-for-point and while you’ll be flamed in League for building Sona full AP I don’t think your friends will mind if you take some damaging spells.

But if you can’t tell it was really hard for me to come up with those downsides. With the exception of the positional requirements a Bardadin is a very strong build and Sona is a very strong support. Boost your teammates with your own amazing power and make sure everyone’s alive and jamming! Your power may have been forgotten over the years but no one’s ever upset to have a great support at their side. And remember: Seraphine may be in K/DA but you’re in Pentakill, and you have your own label! No one can replace DJ Sona!

[jq37]

The Case File – Mice and Murder Ep 1

The Case of the The Pernicious Party  

Hello, hello, hello! It’s been a hot second but your resident D20 recapper is back to tackle the newest season: Mice and Murder! Y’all had to know I wasn’t gonna sit out the murder mystery, are you kidding me???

I might be playing around with the format a bit in the coming weeks to make sure I have the best possible system for keeping track of possible clues, suspects, and theories as we untangle whatever web Brennan weaves for us this season so don’t be surprised if things change a little. 

Anyway, without further ado, onto our mystery!

Summary

In case you missed it, this season takes place in an alternate, Zootopia/Wind in the Willows-esque universe where all the characters are animals but history seems to have happened in more or less the same way--for example there was still a King Charles but he was a King Charles Spaniel (cute Brennan). Our story specifically takes place in the English village of Tufting Meadows.  

We start with Katie’s character--Gangie Green (Weasel/Thief Rogue) in the graveyard of the Anglican Chapel (Our Lady of Prayerful Paws). Gangie, we learn, is an orphan who was kicked out of the orphanage at some point for thievery. Obviously, he’s not reformed of the habit because he is here to do some graverobbing. On a nat 20 (that Katie hilariously doesn’t notice even though her total is like a 29) Gangie can see through the window of the rectory that there is a weeping window inside--Catherine McCabbage who is being (dubiously) tended to by Raph’s character, Vicar Ian Prescott (Owl/Bard, College of Eloquence). 

Ian comes from a line of men of the cloth but he’s not exactly the best speaker despite his subclass. He’s doing his best though! The widow’s husband (Conor McCabbage) died at the local mill in what has been declared an accident but she suspects foul play. She’s been hearing his voice on the wind and wants Ian’s professional opinion on whether this could be a sign from God or if her husband might be speaking to her from beyond the grave or something like that. Ian gives a very muddled and not very comforting answer but seems pretty sure that something sketchy did in fact happen. Then, he sees a crack of lightning outside which illuminates the graveyard where he gets a glimpse of Gangie. 

He goes to check it out (and Gangie fully has an elderly goat he’s dug up slung over his shoulder) but “gravedigger” is his legit job so Ian decides to assume whatever’s going on is legit and not ask too many questions. He goes back to the widow (who, before she leaves, says that maybe sometimes people need to work on God’s behalf) while Gangie takes the body Loam Hall (a massive manor, built into a hill).

We cut to the next day and our next two characters! 

At 22B Hamsted Street in a pretty well appointed home are Ally and Grant’s characters. First up, we have Lars Vandenchomp (Huge ass Doberman/Battlemaster Fighter) who is so tough looking but also so Swedish sounding--it’s A Lot (so, incredibly on brand for Ally). Lars is security for Grant’s character Sylvester Cross (Fox/Inquisitive Rogue) who is a kinda (to use Grant’s word) “foppish” Sherlock Holmes type. He was hired by Squire William Thornwall Brockhollow to figure out what happened with Conor McCabbage (and clear him of negligence in running the mill) but he couldn’t find any evidence of any funny business, making this the only case he’s never cracked. He’s not as young or popular as he once was so this is, understandably, bumming him out. He’s even more bummed out when he realizes that William has invited him to his 60th birthday party that’s happening that night (as kind of a prop to show that he did his part in trying to solve the mystery) and Lars has already RSVP’d yes. He grudgingly agrees to go as it’s one of those asks that’s really more of a veiled demand but decides to pull the money he was paid from the bank first so he can return it and really stick it to the guy.

Finally, we cut to our last set of PCs who are on their way to Tufting Meadows via a very luxurious train. Inside are Sam and Rekha’s characters! Sam is Buckster $ Boyd (Peccary which is like a small boar/Mastermind Rouge) a Texan Oil Tycoon who acts exactly how you’d expect a Texan Oil Pig to act. Yes, you pronounce the dollar sign as “dollar sign” (even though as we find out later his middle name is Cassius so it’s like Cash which I think is super cool). With him is Rekha’s character, Daisy D'umpstaire (Raccoon/Assassin (???) Rogue another American (from South Carolina) though it seems she’s My Fair Lady’d herself into an upper class socialite (her last name was previously Dumpster). They’re traveling with their accountant, an Armadillo named Armond who seems kinda skittish and concerned about their travel expenses but Buck tells him that to make money you gotta spend money and they’re gonna make a *ton* of money on this trip. They’re also so so mean to him for absolutely no reason. 

When the train stops, they’re greeted by Templeton Padhop (a frog, natch) who is the chauffeur of Loan Hall, sent to fetch them. A wheel on his car is broken so he joins in on the Armond abuse immediately and has Armond roll into an Armadillo ball and replace it. Poor guy. When they show up they're greeted by a footman--a pug in a bowler hat named Milo Snout.

Meanwhile, Lars and Sly (Oh, Sly fox, I see what you did there Grant) are similarly greeted by another footman--a lizard named Basil Baskins. On a 23 perception check, Lars sees that Jeremy “Jez” Brockhollow is inside (the son of William who is a badger btw) and also clocks Gangie (who they know as a career criminal who disappeared like a year ago). Gangie doesn’t notice Lars though. 

Ian, who is also invited, shows up at about the same time as Sly but very quickly, the conversation is taken over by Lucretia “Lucy” Brockhollow, William’s older, eccentric sister who immediately gets into it with Lars about astrology and the occult (she thinks bad stuff is happening because of a curse let loose when Sly’s old rival--a rabbit named Fletcher Cottonbottom who is the son of his former employer--opened an Egyptian tomb). They’re thick as thieves right away because Ally is a nonsense magnet. And not like a regular magnet, one of those big electromagnets. 

Daisy and Buck spot William’s kids--the aforementioned Jez and his older sister Constance--along with their husbands Dr. Corbin Magpie (Constance’s and obv a magpie and a doctor) and Osmond Sheffield (Jez’s who is a Ram and a lawyer). Daisy is too stuck in her conversation with a truly unhinged squirrel (Lady Eugenia Bristlebrush who clearly does not know she’s in a murder mystery because she just keeps talking about how much she hates and wants to kill everyone) to hear what’s going on but she indicates the conversation to Buck who is able to eavesdrop and hear that they’re lamenting that Catherine--the widow--RSVP’d no which is gonna look really bad, like they didn’t invite her (bad PR). 

Buck, introducing himself as a business partner of William, eases into a conversation with the husbands which their respective spouses also join into and we learn that Buck's dad was British and a friend of Willian’s. Buck bonds with Jez (who is a bit of a dilettante) really quickly since Buck is ready to go drinks-wise immediately (and there’s a stellar pun about the “American [Drinking] Constitution''). Through the window, Buck notices Gangie outside getting his attention. 

At the same time, Ian is going from party guest to party guest, giving out the penances he forgot to earlier at church (as one does). We see him talking to the Lord and Lady Bramble (a cow and hedgehog, respectively) and while she wants to pray her way out of situations without doing any legwork, he wants to buy his way out and gives Ian 250 pounds. A frustrating but financially lucrative conversation.  

Buck goes outside to talk to Gangie who has a list of names of the bodies he’s been collecting. We’re not told what Buck is doing but it seems that this list is extremely valuable to him in some way. Gangie (who Buck keeps calling Gangly, to his annoyance) pays him handsomely (like, with a 50% tip) for the list (and Gangie gives him the real list, despite Brennan saying he didn’t have to). We also learn that Gangie has allegedly been getting the orders from someone in Loa Hall and they flow from William himself.

Matilda Molesly (a mole and the head maid) invites Gangie to come in from the rain--she’s the only person who’s been consistently nice to him and he agrees to come in for tea and scones. 

Everyone is ushered together by the butler (because of course there’s a butler--he’s quite literally a fancy rat named Thomas Gilfoyle) and William gives a speech where he wishes Conor well and kinda highlights that he did hire Sly to solve the case in a “Hey, I did my bit don’t blame me” kind of way. He also makes a 150k pound donation to the church (and Ian thought 250 was good) and tells his daughter not to read the praise he got for it from the cardinal when she mentions it (I wonder if that was choreographed). Sly interrupts the speech to “magnanimously” give his money back, to William’s annoyance. Buck notices that Lawrence Longfoot (a nouveau rich, rabbit photographer) takes a pic of the scene but with Sly in the foreground and William in the background. 

Then, a few things happen at once (in a very cinematic way):

As the camera flashes, Mrs. Molesly drops her tray, eyes hurt by the light. Lady Calliope Fawnbrooke (Deer, Matron of the Arts) helps her up.

In the moment of dark, after the flash goes away, the butler disappears. 

Buck thinks he sees a shape through the window, out in the rain. 

A cheer goes up for Sly for returning the money but all Sly can focus on is one figure he recognizes in the back of the room. Daisy, who is downing her drink and not cheering for him. He downs his as well, and looks at her until she breaks the stare and leaves the room. 

And this episode doesn’t end with a dead body like I thought, but with a flashback to a younger Sylvester, 12 years ago when he first met Daisy.

PC INTERPERSONAL DRAMA Y’ALL!!! Get HYPED! 

Case Notes

Here is a compilation of all the characters (PCs and NPCs introduced in this episode). 

Sly mentions that Ignatius Cottonbottom faked his own death as a part of some scheme which seems like a backstory point that might come back later--we now know that there exists a way to convincingly fake your own death in this world. 

Sly walks with a walking stick because of some “mysterious accident” but we’re jumping into a flashback next week so it looks like we might find out about it pretty soon. 

Sly also mentions he used to be the personal physician to the elder Cottonbottom so those are skills he has. I wonder if that’ll be useful to this healer-less party. I wonder if cleric was even an option in this world which seems to be low to no magic. It would explain by Ian is a bad and not a cleric. 

Lars has a military background which I wanted to mention in case it becomes relevant later. 

And Dr. Magpie grew up poor and still acts it a bit even though he married a very rich woman. Brennan uses the very good line, “He forces his body into the shape of an apology”

This might be a really deep cut reference but did anyone else here was the old Britcom “Keeping Up Appearances”? Cause I was getting serious Bouquet/Bucket energy from Daisy. 

This is an all College Humor season and it shows. The energy of 6 (7 if you count Brennan) top notch comedians sparking off of each other, trying to one up each other is off the charts. Some of the best bits this episode:

“When God closes every door but one, you go through the door that is open.” followed by “I’m an owl by the way.”

“Time is money, here’s both” from Buck re his inscribed gold pocket watch--everyone at the table loved that so much and they’re right. 

Armond going from being a third to a fourth wheel. 

And the names--I already shouted out a ton on the main recap but also a rat butler (like Rhett Butler) and naming the mouse Cat(therine). Can’t forget Gangie Green/gangrene from Katie. Also points to Ally for the data stealing Eel Musk which broke Brennan a little. 

I know we just went through this with Crown of Candy but what are these animals eating? Like, in Zootopia there were only mammals so we can assume the carnivores are eating like birds and fish but there are sentient birds here. I know this isn’t important. I’m not trying to do a CinemaSins gotcha. I just wonder, you know?

Y’all were waiting for all the lights to go out during that speech and then come back on and there’d be a body too, right?

If Brennan makes the bad guy a chicken or a duck or something so he can make a “fowl play” joke, he is cordially invited to catch these hands. 

I have been waiting for Raph and Katie to do D20 forever. Their specific brand of nonsense on Rank Room was always amazing. 

I love love love that Grant and Rekha are the PCs that have ~a past~ because they are so funny together. If you haven’t seen their episode of Game Changers, you absolutely must (it’s also a murder mystery actually!). 

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 5

Propaganda

Glenn Close (Dungeons & Daddies):

#Propaganda for Glenn Close: one of the other PCs mentions multiple times how hot he is #Actually several characters point it out but especially Henry #Also the only person in a podcast that has to put a disclaimer about not being a BDSM podcast to have had sex during the course of the show

Young hot rocker dilf

Loyal to his dead wife <3

Does in fact smoke weed

BARD!! HES A BARD. HE WAS LEAD GUITAR IN HIS BAND (that he was kicked out of)

His band was a Christmas cover band btw.

Literally the fandom had hot Glenn summer which consisted of drawing him being incredibly hot and sexy

Anti government (ofc)

Kind of cringefail (Disney adult) (was on dilfs of disneyland)

Young and sexy not your style? Then how about HIM AFTER YEARS LOCKED IN A TIME PRISON WITH A DAMN HANNIBAL MASK ??

Lost an eye and wears a fucking eyepatch

One incredibly buff arm

Has a pet rat named after his son <3

Immeasurable amounts of trauma in this man- becomes progressively more unhinged

OH OLD HUMAN BARD ISNT CUTTING IT? FINE

HE BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON

A COOL HOT ONE-EYED DEMON WHO WANTS TO KILL HIS DAD (also sexy)

HE CANONICALLY ENDS CHRISTIAN HELL VIA CHRISTMAS

IS ALSO WAY OVERLEVELED

Becomes a demon hunter for the rest of his existence

Also nonwhite !!! We are done with cringefail whiteboys !!!!!!!!!

I can’t put into words ok just know he is the best plz love him.

Okay but Glenn made a minivan cum by talking to her so

HE HAS A BOOK THAT HE MARKS X’S AND CHECKS FOR EVERY DAY TO SEE IF THAT DAY WAS A SUCCESS OR NOT. TO SEE IF HE DID GOOD THAT DAY. ITS ALMOST ENTIRELY X’S. HE WAS CUCKED OUT OF A SON. AND A DEAD WIFE. HE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO KILL HIS DAD IN REVENGE. There’s absolutely nothing going for him except his sex appeal in his life. Nobody he loved remembers him. He lost his eye. All he has is a pet rat and friends who admit they don’t really like him that much. He was kicked out of his own band. The band was named after him. He was kicked out of the Glenn Close trio. All he could do was deez nuts the big bad and be sexy. If nothing else, then pity him. Look in his eyes. Look at his heart and soul. He did not do the BDSM episode for this I’ll tell you what. Do this for my his sake. Do it for Nick Jr, who needs the prize money to pay for his rat snacks. Do it for his son. For Morgan. Ganbatte.

Glenn is the goofiest sexiest character there is and I will die on this hill! I will ride into battle for him! what Dndads created is truly unique and Glenn is a key part of that and for that he deserves to win. I said it before and I'll say it again - GLENN SWEEEEEP

Can we talk about how he says ‘baby’ casually? Like he just calls people that?? That’s HOT. THAT IS HOT!! He’s also bilingual and knows Japanese!!!! He’s a big dumb idiot with a lot of charisma!!!!!! HE WORKED AT A BDSM PLACE FOR TWO SEPARATE ONE SHOTS. HES SO SAD BUT PLAYS IT OFF LIKE HE’S CHILL ALL THE TIME!! HE DOESN’T THINK OF HIMSELF AS SINGLE BECAUSE HE DIDN’T DIVORCE HIS DEAD WIFE!!! He’s like.. the perfect guy. We need this win.

I’d also like to add the fact I made this. Which is the first 11 episodes edited to (almost) only have Glenn in them <3 which is a level of insanity I hope to reiterate. These took hours to make. I wouldn’t do that for anyone else.

Mod Note: While I will still take "bad dads are sexy" propaganda and "bad dads aren't sexy" anti-propaganda, I kindly request no more discussion on whether or not he was a bad father. This is a sexypoll, not a parentingpoll. If you see a post you strongly disagree with, you can just not reblog it.

Mod Note 2: This tournament is about fictional podcast characters. Please do not vote for the real actress Glenn Close.

Amber Gris (The Adventure Zone: Ethersea):

Middle aged woman who punches sharks to death. My hero

If you love me you'll vote for amber gris I swear to everything holy on earth amen

Amber is butch, instant win

Amber Gris has a negative charisma modifier and she pissed her pants on purpose in order to trick a guard and knock him out. She tied up a dude. She once killed an evil magic shark (they're out for murder. not like real sharks) by punching it and then picked it up and smashed it into another shark, also killing it. She talks in a southern accent. She calls people guppy because it indicates a lack of respect. She has a big pair of magical green arms that come from her stomach. She got a fancy jacket and immediately ripped its sleeves off. She has a gay thing going on with one of the political leaders in the city. She gets in fights with people and doesnt do vulnerability and tries to lay low and not get in any social trouble she doesn't have to. She jumped through a portal into a new world because she could. She's now the god of said world, alone with only afformentioned political leader, who was previously possessed and she had to fight. She spends her time in a bar called the Cloaca. She calls people she doesn't like claspers, because it means shark penis. She and her friend, an old man named Uncle Joshy, sneak attack each other and yell VIBE CHECK! She tries to talk fancy to impress people and she's really bad at it (verily).

She’s everything and more. She’s irreverent. She punches sharks for a living. She becomes God. What more do you need in a butch.

amber gris propaganda: she is straightup the physical embodiment of "women want me, fish fear me." also she's an appalachian post apocalyptic sea captain. that's just objectively cool.

AMBER GRIS IS PUNCHES SHARKS AND IS (one of) THE MOST BADASS BLACK WOMEN PCS IN DND SHOWS IVE EVER SEEN. SHES INCREDIBLE AND A WIN FOR DYKES EVERYWHERE

amber's creator said she was based off of the type of working-class woman you commonly see in appalachia where "this is the sort of woman that you see walking past CVS, and you know that a truck could hit her and it would just split around her as she continued to go pick up whatever she had to do that day." and that's pretty hot

guys Amber becomes lesbian god of the new world with her childhood “”friend””

#amber gris is LITERALLY a middle-aged butch #she would win this entire tournament in a just world

Last time Amber got horny was when she killed that shark

"it was a savage bummer though, don't-- trust me, there's nothing that great about a history. You know? I got one. What did I do, killed a bunch of sharks? Last time I got horny, god and christ I can't even tell you-- well, it was when I killed that shark. But! Hey. We're all just kinda figuring it out."

Moonshine Cybin (Not Another D&D Podcast: Bahumia):

She's a hot elf with mushrooms growing on her. She has 1 level of barbarian. She's bisexual. She shapeshifted into a dragon and ate a god.

how tf does the post not mention Moonshine’s giant boobs her greatest asset

Moonshine has canonically gone down on a woman for a solid hour without asking for anything in return. Moonshine edged a dryad just by kissing them. Moonshine faced down someone being controlled to kill everyone in his path and told him if he still wanted to hurt her, she would take his blows as a friend. Moonshine makes jambalaya for her family and friends. Moonshine mispronounced someone’s name for a month and that woman still wanted to hook up with Moonshine. These are just a few of the reasons why Moonshine is sexy.

shes illiterate

canonically huffs dirty water from a bong

has big tatas

wears a belly chain with a demon trapped in it

almost became the queen of hell

ate a god

turned into a pregnant moose & gave birth

The woman she went down on for an hour asking nothing in return is still hung up on her, 200 years later. Moonshine is unmatched

To be clear the woman whose name Moonshine mispronounced for a month and then hooked up with is the same woman she went down on for an hour, and the same woman who is still flustered over her 200 years later. The rizz is unparalleled. She’s also incredibly kind and accepting of others, and goes out of her way to bolster her friends. The party always requests one big bed.

moonshine cybin is a druid who learned counterspell through sheer force of will. moonshine cybin turned one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse into a dolphin, flew him 60 feet up into the air, dropped him on the ground, and then spit spores into his face to kill him. moonshine cybin turned into a dragon and bit the head off of a double god. moonshine cybin was willing to confine herself to an eternal hell to save the world. moonshine cybin is a dragon rider. you know what you must do.

Amber and Moonshine Together

Look at them. They should not have to fight when they could be gay instead. Imagine the power they would have combined... Every lesbian in a hundred mile radius of the post would swoon. It may be an odd alliance, but from an Ethersea fan to Bahumia fans, i believe this will strengthen both our odds. I have always been insane about Amber Gris but through this poll I have also learned about Moonshine and come to love her too. Take my hand... We can do this together...

OKAY HEAR ME OUT MOONSHINE AND AMBER WOULD GET ALONG SO WELL

appalachian sapphic solidarity!

Art of Amber and Moonshine from @pirateknight.

[jawsandbones]

if i remember correctly you run some campaigns for dnd, i’ve been trying to dm a campaign for a few years and i’ve finally found a group. do you have any advice for new dms?

Hello anon! I do indeed run some campaigns. 

I’m currently running my second major campaign. I will fully admit that the first campaign I ran was basically my first experience with DnD and it was 100% a shit show BUT I learned a lot, and now you get to benefit from my blunders!

There’s a lot involved in preparation for a campaign or even a session, but these things are so personalized to the style of each DM. I, personally, like to be overly prepared and took a few months to really brick up lore and details of NPC’s, cities, environments, major homebrew elements, potential story beats, etc etc... I will say that if this is your first experience DM’ing, I recommend staying away from homebrew. I really regret not starting with a pre-made module as they give a lot of great advice and show different aspects to quests and checks. But again, that’s just opinion so I’ll stay away from the prep aspect aside from one golden rule: as the DM you are not the sole arbiter of the story. 

You’re building that with your players. This isn’t a book and you must bend to your players character’s decisions, even if it goes entirely where you don’t expect. This is a team game that definitely includes the DM. So with that said: that respect goes both ways. Talk to your players, and they’ll talk to you. Respect their character decisions, they’ll trust and respect your story decisions. If a DM is doing their job correctly, all of this is pretty moot, because if your players have the correct resources, hooks and information, chances are they’re going to do what you expect/want anyway. It’s just up to the DM to give them those correct resources, hooks and information. If there’s a disconnect, it’s because that was broken along the way. 

All that being said! Here is my list that I keep stickied to my monitor

The players never miss. Failure needs active opposition, be in combat, during dialogue or a check. Even from level one, player characters are absolute badasses compared to the rest of the population. It sucks when the game doesn’t reflect that. So instead of “lol you miss”, what happens if that becomes, “the bandit is just barely able to block your blow, gasping as they reel backwards out your reach - for now”? Feels a lot better.

Along those lines, if your players are adding combat flavor to their attack rolls, don’t punish them for participating and make them do checks for it. Not everything needs a roll. Let them be cool. 

Answer “will this work” from the perspective of the character asking. This could go for anything a player asks. Try and answer in a way their character would understand. Someone from the cold regions of the north and someone from the swampy regions of the south will have differing thoughts/opinions/knowledge of things. PC’s live in the world. Put their lived experience into their rolls.

Insight also follows this. Insight shouldn’t just be, “he’s telling the truth” or “he’s lying”. If the particularly perceptive bard who is the charismatic face of the party is doing an insight check, they might pick up the twitch of an eye, the sweat on a brow. If the distracted monk holding the party’s adopted kenku is asking the question, they might not notice these things. 

Let your players talk and interact. Don’t be in a hurry to move things along if the party is bonding or looking into things. This doesn’t mean let them linger forever - if you find things have stalled, then of course a “so, what would you like to do now,” never hurts. I mean in the way of interjecting to participate. A DM is a part of the group but isn’t, yeah?

The less you share/hint to your players the better. Don’t let them know what they got or what they missed. What they have is what they have. Sometimes it’s fun to let them know of a potential thing that could have happened, but generally... don’t be an active participant in those conversations. Essentially, with your players, be ‘excited for Vague Future Stuff and Things’ (literally I just copy paste that into the chat when I’m planning out stuff and can’t repress the need to blurt out excitement), not next session’s x event. 

The internet is your friend. There are so many resources, everywhere you look. I am particularly fond of the subreddits /r/DnDBehindTheScreen and /r/DMAcademy. Don’t be afraid to pull inspiration from your favourite media as well - bring the The Trouble with Tribbles to your adventuring crew, you won’t regret it. You’re going to burn yourself out fast trying to out-do yourself as well, and there are a lot of pre-made drop-in adventures. This is a patchwork quilt you are making with your friends, go fucking wild. 

A list of my favourite resources!

Treasure Generator

NPC/Merchant Generator

Town Generator (seriously this one is god-like)

All Shops and Items (base things)

Random Generator and D100 lists (this one also fantastic)

Besides that: take good notes, communicate openly with your players, discuss sessions after they’ve concluded to find what worked and what didn’t for everyone. Don’t be afraid to say no. A lot of other things, it’s just going to take time and experience.

Good luck, have fun, roll well!

[daitranscripts]

Skyhold Conversation: Specialization

Assassin - Heir

Skhyold Masterpost

Heir: I received a bird. It had a note. Now I am here.

PC: You’re here to train me?

Heir: Ah. That is it. The Inquisitor wishes to become more than Inquisitor. Perhaps [they wish] to walk in shadow, even as [they are] bathed in light. To save life through inflicting death. Childish notions. The profession of Assassin has no time for it.

Dialogue options:

General: I respect the profession. [1]

General: You kill. What else is there? [2]

General: Just get to the basics. [3]

1 - General: I respect the profession. PC: Your profession has me respect. I’m eager to learn. Heir: Really? We shall see.

2 - General: You kill. What else is there? PC: There’s more to it than killing? Seems pretty straightforward. Heir: It does seem that way.

3 - General: Just get to the basics. PC: If you have something I can use, get to it. Heir: [They rush]. A bad sign.

4 - Scene continues.

Heir: Let me first say: [they do] not want to be an assassin, any more than [they] would wish to be a sword, or a cudget. Such are weapons of others. They lack intent. [They] must be [their] own assassin. There is a difference. Let me next say: death has nothing to do with is. Death is the payment, the by-product. Our way is between life and death. It is a door through with [they] will send others.

5 - Dialogue options:

Investigate: Are you like a bard or a Crow? [6]

Investigate: What are the risks? [7]

Investigate: Why is this a good discipline? [8]

General: Start me on the path. [9]

6 - Investigate: Are you like a bard or a Crow? PC: I know of the Antivan Crows and the bards of the Game. Are you similar? Heir: They are servants. The Inquisition did not request a servant, they asked for the means. I am a trainer, and as such, I am not tethered. Some find that freedom unsettling. That is my servant. [back to 5]

7 - Investigate: What are the risks? PC: Is there a danger to this? Heir: The trite answer is that there is danger to everything. There is no physical cost. Not corruption. Only action. [They] may come to see others as mere things. That can be off-putting. [back to 5]

8 - Investigate: Why is this a good discipline? PC: Tell me the benefits. Heir: Our way is the sudden strike that overwhelms. The leap from shadow and back. We hit where and when it hurts most. In doing so, we send a message. No others invite death so efficiently. That is what the Assassin offers. [back to 5]

9 - General: Start me on the path. PC: I’m ready to start learning. Heir: [They are] willing. Will it always be so? There are tasks. Ways to train the mind and body. They require simple motions. Scene ends.

—

If the PC speaks with them before gathering all the materials:

Heir: [They have their] instruction, yet [they repeat]. A poor start.

Heir: The profession of Assassin requires more than I have seen. More than has been done.

–

When the PC has gathered the required materials:

Heir: They are dead, and the steps are done. It was, of course, simple.

If PC already has specialization Heir: But [they are] sworn to another path. [They are] more than Inquisitor, but [they] cannot be with us. We can be hired, suffered, but not joined. I find that unfortunate. Scene ends.

Heir: [They have] tracked their prey knowing it meant gain or loss. For no other reason [they] invited lives into death. The question, then, is whether or not [they] can stomach Assassin as [their] path.

Dialogue options:

Not right now. (Do not commit to a class specialization.) [10]

Yes, I’ll become my assassin. (Commit to the Assassin class specialization.) [11]

10 - Not right now. PC: I won’t commit to this yet. Scene ends.

11 - Yes, I’ll become my assassin. PC: I am ready to become what I need to be. My assassin. Heir: Then you are one of us. Hello, Inquisitor. My name is Heir. It is nice to finally meet you. Come. You know the mind, now let me show you the many ways to end a body. Scene ends.

—

The PC speaks with them after taking the specialization:

Heir: I greet you, Inquisitor.

Heir: You are a quick learner. Be careful.

Heir: Training will continue when your duties allow.

Heir: The Inquisitor.

—

Ambient dialogue:

Cole:

Heir: He is weird. Cole: She sings, but she can’t hear herself. ㅤㅤ ㅤ

Cole: You are brighter than you seem. Sometimes you think of her hands pulling up the covers. Heir: He should stop that. ㅤㅤ ㅤ

Heir: Does he have questions about dagger techniques? Cole: It goes in, it comes out. Sometimes it doesn’t come out.

Leliana

Heir: There will be no conflict with competing guilds. Leliana: “She” will see that there is not. ㅤㅤ ㅤ

Heir: You were known in your time. Leliana: Perhaps that was my mistake. ㅤㅤ ㅤ

Heir: Your trainer: there are no skills of hers you could pass on? Leliana: You would regret it, if I did.

In the undercroft:

Heir: A forge like few others. Very nice.

Heir: An edge crafted here is a fine one.

Heir: My craft is well served here.

In the training area:

Heir: So many people. That needs to change.

Heir: Single targets, then crowd work.

Heir: Built for this training. Certainly.

[bigmeatymudcrabchitins]

A not-so-brief overview of my Skyrim Dova OCs bc i need to scream to the digital void about my ideas

Freyora Lind, more commonly known by her strange alias “Bjorne Icepick”

A Nord-eventually-turned-werewolf who orphaned during the Great War and taken in by a Dunmeri mercenary whose residence was in Windhelm’s Gray Quarter. Grew up in a cramped boarding house setting among desperate mercenaries of varying backgrounds. Many of them would all come and go, but there was always some sort of a familial bond between them all.

From a young age she got in a lot of fights against people who insulted her for living in the Gray Quarter among the dark elves. Eventually she took a fight too far and was jailed for murder around 14, but was broken out shortly after by a band of masked vampires. Turns out some of her mercenary comrades unwittingly caught vampirism during a contract to clear out a vampire den and had to skip town, but not before ensuring one of their own wasn’t left to rot.

Lived in Cyrodil for about 15 years, but returned to Skyrim pursuing rumors surrounding a cure to vampirism, as her adoptive father would be nearing the end of his elven lifespan and had wished to die a normal death.

Seeing as she was literally a fugitive, and her long-belated parents were somewhat renowned for their battlefield prowess, she took on a false identity. AND an act to match it.

She’ll eat raw meat, chase prey with swords instead of using a bow like a normal person, harp about irrational conspiracy theories, and more. Everyone’s foul reactions to her outlandish act are plainly hilarious to her and only encourage her to act even stranger.

The alias “Bjorne Icepick” was simply the most ridiculous name she could think of.

Not the most morally outstanding. Besides drunken brawling, she’ll steal from anyone who angers her, even if it’s things she literally won’t ever need such as all the goblets in a household. It’s the pettiness that counts. “Try drinking your damn high-end wine now, jackass.”

Calls Dwarven Automatons “Gundams.” Including she herself, no one knows what that means.

Joins the Companions out of homesickness and a desire to fill in a gap that leaving home left.

Hasn’t bothered curing herself of lycanthropy because her whole schtick is being incredibly resourceful, and that includes using any means of power necessary. Still doesn’t fancy Hircine’s Hunting Grounds as her desired afterlife, though.

As her journey goes on, however, her lightheartedly eccentric face starts to fall off as a number of events push her to begin to question the legitimacy of her actions up until that point.

Some of which include the eventual death of her adoptive father (and how she was indirectly responsible for it even if it was what he wanted), Delphine’s ultimatum, the civil war as a collective, learning the tragic history behind the Falmer and the original Companions’ role in it, and killing of Vyrthur (no matter how much he genuinely deserved it).

She grows disgusted by herself down to the core. She takes to skooma to cope, and starts to be plagued by serious skooma-induced side effects. She ends up shutting herself away from all her responsibilities and distancing herself from her friends.

Does she get better? Maybe. I haven’t thought up anything past this point lol

Moureneris Alta

A very, VERY ancient vampiric snow elf, (though it’s notable she was born a considerable amount of time after the razing of Sarthaal)

Survived many atrocities. Stayed in isolation with a band of vampires for countless years out of sheer disgust for the nature of the sapient races. (I’ll explain her full story some other time. It’s pretty complicated)

She was abducted from her isolated lifestyle by a certain person i’ll talk about later. She managed to free herself south of Skyrim, and uh, walks right into that Imperial ambush. The rest is history.

Super ignorant to modern society as a result of centuries of isolation. Exploited for comedic relief. (“What in the name of Oblivion is a Cyrodilic Empire? Are you messing with me? And please, how does levitation magic simply get outlawed by this hypothetical Empire? What are you to do when you fall down a crevice? Just... let yourself perish? How degrading.)

She reintegrated herself into society with vengeance in mind under the belief that all humans are savage bloodlusting murderers who had to answer for their treachery. (And she was royally angry there was no Dwemer left to spite, but partially satisfied at the same time). But she grows conflicted after being shown genuine kindness, even as early as being freed from her binds in Helgen.

Subsequently has a very muddled redemption arc. Queue Dragonborn hero stuff

She has impaired vision, but she cultivated detect life magic to aid her in daily life and combat (think Hyakkimaru from Dororo ‘19 and his soul detection or Toph Beifong from ATLA and her seismic sense). At her peak, she can detect life from about a kilometer away.

She can just barely read, but only if she holds the text incredibly close to her face, not to mention her Cyrodilic lessons were left unfinished after her abduction, making reading a very taxing process. Weary travelers are often spooked at the sight of a floating, ghastly looking elven woman with her nose pressed up against crossroad signs, and it has become somewhat of an urban legend.

Isn’t as nearly as skilled with detecting the dead and tenses up in burial crypts or around other vampires for that reason. Unfortunately, being the Dragonborn and all, she finds herself in a lot of crypts...

When questioned about her background due to her unique appearance: “Oh, yeah. My mother was one of those mer from the east. You know the ones. Dark elves, I think? And my father was one of those er, tall elv- no, sorry, HIGH elves. Yeah. They both died in a big fire or something though. It was horrible. I can’t get the noxious smell or the deafening screams out of my head. Good talk, but never ask me about that again.”

Queue sheltered old immortal antics: “Wow, you’re THAT old? Enlighten me on how it felt witnessing the fall of the Dwemer. Or perhaps the rise of Tiber Septim’s Empire. The Gates of Ob-“ “Oblivion if I know. I lived in someone’s basement for thousands of years. And I still don’t know what everyone means by Empire. You all are messing with me, aren’t you? That really annoys me.”

She ultimately returns to faith in Auri-El and makes it her life’s purpose to help the Betrayed find peace, as well as to seek out any remaining snow elf groups. Probably good friends with Gelebor or something.

Had a crush on Serana. We all know how THAT went. Damned temples.

Was originally gonna spiral into a much darker corruption arc (another ATLA comparison being Jet or Hama) but I just felt bad for her. Moureneris can have a little found peace. As a treat.

That’s her preliminary design made. I’ll need a mod to properly play her, because that right there was made by choosing Dunmer as her race. But I can’t do that. I’m on console, and while I got the Steam port a month ago, my PC’s stone age specs can’t handle Skyrim yet and I’ll need to wait until I can afford a better graphics card (thanks economic inflation)

Alexandre Armasi, jokingly nicknamed Alexandre the Curious

A complete and unapologetic export of my character from a dead and unfinished DND campaign. Except there are no Aasimar in Skyrim, so he’s half Altmer half Bosmer. And his initial last name was Armas but I thought Armasi suited his Skyrim counterpart more, as subtle a change it is.

He’s mainly Bosmer in appearance and constitution, save for his hair and eyes, which are more similar to that of his Altmeri father’s.

I can’t really export his original backstory though because the campaign wouldn’t translate well into TES lore at all.

He’s a writer who came wandering into Skyrim in search of inspiration. While he mainly writes dramatic fables, he wanted to divert his focus to crafting his own bestiary and herbal compendium surrounding Skyrim’s fauna and flora. The ones at home are simply too vague to him!

He’s very altruistic, wishing to spread cheer wherever he goes, through the art of song (even though he was a cleric in DND and not a bard. My bad.) However, many of his verses are just blatant self promotions of his published fables.

But he’s too naive for his own good. Dangerously so. In fact, he says what’s on his mind with little forethought, with little grasp on the consequences of his actions, which lands him in lots of trouble. “I don’t favor him myself, but you guys kill people over Talos worship? That’s not very cool. A bit scary, if you ask me.” or “A Stormcloak rebel? Didn’t your leader kill a bunch of Reachmen rebels years back, or so I’ve heard. By the divines that’s not a man I’d make a symbol of nonconformity.”

He’s also insatiably curious. The type to ACTUALLY shove alchemic ingredients in his mouth with no knowledge of their properties, experiment with dangerous rune spells, throw rocks at pressure plates, and more. Needless to say he’s very accident prone.

Doesn’t know common curse words. People exploit this for laughs. Think that episode of Spongebob.

Everyone is a little baffled that HE of all people is the prophesied Dragonborn of legend. This agonizingly imbecilic writer who has absentmindedly wandered into burial crypts, troll dens, bandit forts, and more, too busy juggling his manuscripts to pay attention to his surroundings.

His past doesn’t exactly reflect his outlook on life. His mother and father fought in the Great War aligned with the Imperials despite their elven background. Both managed to live to see the war’s conclusion, but his father vanished without a trace shortly after, and it seems his mother knows something she won’t tell him.

With plenty of exposure to bad influences, his innocence is slowly lost throughout the course of his journey, and his altruism begins to grow twisted. But nevertheless, he maintains his jovial, social persona, except this time with much darker undertones. Kinda like a creepy dentist or something.

Whoops. He winds up becoming a feared Dark Brotherhood assassin. (Haha get it “Innocence Lost”???) He somehow deluded himself into thinking that the life of an assassin was the right thing to do. But he’s a funky little guy so he gets a pass for his heinous crimes against society