#of course i had never taught on high school level either until i did but that's totally different

[theflyingfeeling]

It's not too late to start being kind to yourself today 💕✨️ but i hope tomorrow is a better day for you if today wasn't so great 💖

So sweet of you to say that 🥺 I'm afraid I've already fallen into that vicious "I can't do this" cycle so today's lost, but as I said, maybe tomorrow will be better

[orbitposting]

"Accommodations give disabled people an advantage over non-disabled peers"

TW: mentions of ableism, mistreatment of disabled children, and it's effects, mentions of fatphobia

For context, my sisters and I all grew up in the late 90s/early 00s with different disabilities (overlap was acknowledged later in life). My eldest sister has autism with some support needs without intellectual disability, my older sister has dysgraphia, and I have asthma. Looking back, none of us were fully accommodated.

At home, when my sister would have meltdowns due to sensory overload or changes in environment, and my mom consistently chose to scream at her for "misbehaving"/"being difficult". In order to stop the chaos, I was often left to comfort my sister. Often, I would simply offer her ice-cold water and tissues, and things would calm down.

In middle school, I remember she went to an alternative school in order to accommodate her better. While it was very valuable to have her learn the bus system and the self-reliance of getting to school, this program taught 4th grade math to her in 8th grade. She struggled with getting back on track with math for years. Eventually, she left due to difficulties with other students and the lack of consequences for various unacceptable behaviors.

In high school, she was supposed to pass a language course in order to graduate. She took Spanish, since my mom was offering to help with her knowledge of Spanish. However, this didn't help, even with my mom's college-level knowledge of Spanish. Notably, she didn't speak English in full sentences until she was seven years old. ASL was also not an option, but fortunately they waived the language requirement. Graduation was a close call, for other reasons, as well.

My older sister's experience is what is prompting this post. She has struggled with dysgraphia throughout her school years, and it was never accommodated. While she was a prodigy with immense knowledge of history, it would never come across in her writing. She was diagnosed around 10th grade, which she remained in denial about. However, my mom talked to the school regarding accommodations, and they had nothing to offer. Throughout her education, she would fail every writing assignment or writing-based class she was given. This was especially frustrating when classes that didn't revolve around writing paragraphs made her do it, anyways. She only passed 10th grade Physical Science since my mom knew the teacher, and asked that he not account for the lack of writing assignments and explained her situation. What prompted this post was actually my dad finding her SAT results, and me discovering that she had all zeros for her essay score, despite getting a 1170 for the multiple choice portion. (Quick aside: standardized testing should NOT be considered indicative of any student's performance if they cannot properly accommodate disabled students.) She did graduate, but my family wasn't sure the school would let her.

In my case, throughout elementary, middle, and high school, gym class felt like I was constantly fighting for my life. While I was allowed to have my inhaler on me starting in 6th grade or so, I was still expected to do the exercises everyone else had to do. I was not allowed to take breaks, technically, but I did. This was especially noticeable when we would run laps around the gym. Every time I did so, I was harassed by the PE instructor until I kept running. Games weren't much better, either. I was always picked last (which makes sense), but not only that, I was purposefully targeted during games. I was openly mocked as I did my best to participate.

In 9th grade, things hit a wall. When swimming was introduced to the class, I outright refused. I kept "forgetting to bring my swimsuit", when that stopped working I "had to go to the health clinic", and when that stopped working, I got a note from the health clinic excusing me from the swimming portion of gym class.

The PE teacher did not go down without a fight, nor did my parents. I was told that I could have to do it again when we moved schools the next year (that school ended up not having a swimming pool), that I wouldn't graduate without this credit, that I was making the situation worse by singling myself out in this way, and that I would get an F in gym anyways. They eventually acknowledged my excuse, but made me sit by the pool as everyone swam so I could take notes on the same article about what to do in case of a drowning every week.

Peers would acknowledge me from the pool, friends would say hi and guys would mock me. Girls I didn't know would talk about how strange my lack of participation was. Meanwhile at this time, my dad was making me log my calories on MyFitnessPal and I was very aware of how "different" my body was from the other kids. I would have panic attacks just thinking about going into the pool. While it was hard, I don't regret fighting for what I needed. Also of note: it was a chlorine pool, and chlorine heavily affects my asthma. Sometimes my lungs would hurt just being in the pool room. This wasn't really acknowledged, I would wheeze while walking up the stairs, and it often hurt to sing in choir after pool days.

I also struggled with ADHD throughout K-12, but I wasn't diagnosed until after I graduated high school. However, as an AFAB person, I constantly had teachers mention symptoms of ADHD in my comments. It started with not turning in work and doodling/chatting in classes I didn't care about, but it eventually spread to other classes that interested me. I also struggled with severe compartmentalization, which I didn't realize until after high school. I couldn't remember what my homework was when I was at home. If I remembered what the assignment was, I couldn't remember the information needed to complete it! This meant I did any homework I did complete while at school.

Fortunately, graduating high school didn't turn out to be a problem for me. After a rough freshman year, I turned things around. I became a member of NHS my senior year and finished out pretty strong. That was, until COVID. I had my therapist send a note saying I was not in a place to do schoolwork, and to simply keep my grades from pre-lockdown. I didn't get AP credit for AP Biology, but I learned plenty. I also withdrew from my dual-enrolled Calculus 2 course. Looking back, with my compartmentalization issue, there was no way online school would work for me.

So yeah, actually being disabled in school isn't a walk in the park! Imagine that! For anyone wondering, we're all doing fairly well now. My eldest sister works janitorial in a hospital setting and enjoys it, since she finds the surgical field fascinating and doesn't mind all the blood and such. She did eventually catch up in math in community college, but she wasn't able to finish the degree (due to her advisor). My older sister works retail and is a union steward. A lot of what she does is mainly talking and some basic math. Fortunately, if she needs to write, she can just use a computer, since the physical act of writing is what is a lot of what's hard for her. Spellcheck is also helpful. I spent my summer doing more intensive mental health care, and now I'm more directed than I have been for years. I'm currently waiting on hearing back about a bank teller job, and I'm looking forward to that!

If anyone is currently struggling with accessibility in education, just know what you are asking for is reasonable. All you are asking for is equal opportunity education, and you should not be denied that.

[thinkfeelwrite]

FEEDBACK (was the original title for a writing course I once did. Am reposting because I need to start somewhere but Im cringing but would also sort of appreciate feedback)

Feedback is judgement. Feedback is fear. Feedback is Failure. Feedback is shame. Feedback is the paralysis of all hope. It is the execution of excitement about my stupid doomed dreams. Feedback is the death of me.

Examples of excruciating feedback experiences and endurances that prove my point

Having to do a personality assessment test whilst at college. Answered it honestly, although I had no idea who I was back then…so did I really answer it honestly?. The feedback said that I was either a psychopath or a genius. 

Remembering all the OCD type actions I had to do before lesson observations by senior members of staff whilst I was a teacher. Praying the same prayer over and over in the car until I got to the school. “Please don’t make me fail, please don’t make me fail, please don’t make me fail. Amen’ The exhausting and tortuous repetition of actions that if not done would completely mean crushingly negative feedback. No wonder I was so exhausted post assessment as the adrenalin wore off. 

Feedback from the kids I taught. Their feedback can be the worst. You’re not really a proper person to them if they don’t like you, which in their minds translates to ‘I can destroy you with my actions and my words’.  I don’t hold any ill feeling towards those that did destroy me though. It was all my fault. I can still envisage my voice dissipating into the air as I tried to teach some of them. Like making the motion of speech but with no sound. It was when I realised I was becoming partly invisible

Ofsted inspections for someone like me with serious confidence issues. Utterly terrifying

Deciding to leave teaching ten years ago and witnessing the changing feedback from people as the years have worn on. Initial understanding and sympathy breaking down into seeing you as a life loser as you struggle to find something else to do.

Presentations. Having to do a presentation after ‘Brain Boy’ had done his. Brain boy was the cleverest person on my university course.I wonder what he is doing now? Anyhow he did this amazing, astute, confident presentation… and then it was my turn. Even my best friend who was sat next to me said it was actually painful to endure. I was so shy and nervy, I couldn’t breathe and so couldn’t talk. Looking back I can see that I had a sort of panic attack. Someone should have taken me aside. The feedback was…

A few years later I had to do another presentation. God help me I filled my water bottle with gin and drank it whilst waiting to do my presentation. I honestly can’t say how it went. There was a lot of laughter, that’s all I remember but I also recollect that  the tutor was called out just as I started mine. That had to be divine intervention. Im not sure if anyone could see that I was drinking. How drunk was I? This was probably my worst experience. You’ll never meet me so i can tell you about it. Not many people know about it. I’m too ashamed. Someone should have taken me aside

Being told by your successful Asian father that you are a disappointment as you didn’t become a doctor like him but also being told its ok because you have children and they’re a lot of work.

Trying to become an artist and doing quite well and loving it, although NOT making any money. Feedback from Father: Being asked by your father if you are making any money from doing your art. Giving up on the art.

Trying to learn about Ayurveda at a high level, thinking about practising it. Bemusement from father at ‘you and your ayurveda’. Can feel myself withdrawing from my interest in ayurveda.

My own running commentary feedback on my life. My daily feedback: Middle aged. Getting older. Weak minded. Confused. Really confused. Lost opportunities. Missed opportunities. Unable to focus. Unable to work out what i want to do. Not being able to do what I want to do. Heavy thoughts weighing down my whole body like an anchor at the bottom of the ocean. Full of regrets. Living a fantasy life. Escaping to my fantasy life. Stereotypical middle aged person who will soon be old and covered in dust in the corner of the room and in the corner of people lives. Crying. Staring. Loser. Bored with my own negativity. Wondering if my negativity is a safety blanket keeping me still, unheard, unseen. Wearing more makeup to cover up Wondering if there is a magical solution to life misery

I need a cup of tea now. This is awful. I hope you don’t feel awful. Bet you want to walk away and make tea too now. Sorry

[eternally-writing]

chain reaction | jjk

genre: fluff and angst

rating: PG

pairing: Jungkook x reader

theme: college!au , enemies to lovers, series

word count: 1.3k

warnings: light swearing

synopsis: A semester with your mortal enemy, Jeon Jungkook, as your lab partner was bound to be an experience to remember.

banner by me!

A/N: hey everyone! This is my first series that I’m writing and I’m so excited to share it with all of you! If you want to be tagged in future parts, reblog and mention that you want to be tagged in the caption, or you can send me an ask!

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

“You’re late”

Swinging your backpack onto the lab bench beside you, you glare at your lab partner.

“Shut up Jeon, it’s only 8:04am and our TA hasn’t even finished introducing the lab yet”.

Introduction to Organic Chemistry was all set up to be your favorite class. You were a chemistry genius in high school, your professor had amazing “rate my professor” reviews, and the class fit perfectly into your schedule, finishing right at 2:00pm so you could walk back to your dorm under the radiance of the afternoon sun.

It was all going well until you walked into your 8:00AM lab and found that due to budget cuts, all labs would now be done in pairs. And you had been paired with none other than the bane of your existence, Jeon Jungkook. As if doing an amide reduction wasn’t hard enough on its own, you had to do it alongside the biggest thorn in your side.

You couldn’t quite pinpoint exactly what it was about him that irked you so much. Maybe it was the way the girls tried to flirt with his constantly over the open flame of a Bunsen burner, or the way that he sucks up to your extremely old TA in order to get full marks on his procedural skills, or maybe it’s the fact that he somehow managed to look effortlessly put together at 8am on a Tuesday morning, while you looked (and felt) like absolute crap.

Either way, you were counting down the seconds until this semester would be over and you wouldn’t have to look at Jeon Jungkook again, but time seemed to be moving extra slow today.

“Late and spacing out today? Wow, lucky me to have you as a lab partner.”

Scoffing at him, you adjusted your protective glasses and readied your labware for today.

“180 minutes until I’m free. That’s it,” you thought to yourself.

“Technically it’s 170 minutes now, but if we don’t get started someone soon so we can hand in our product by 11am, we’re going to be here for a lot longer than that.”, snapped Jungkook next to you, already starting to mix chemicals together in a beaker.

Well, looks like your habit of accidentally saying things out loud gets worse when you’re tired.

“Let’s just try and get through this lab today without stepping on each other’s toes Jeon, okay?” you said, trying to catch up to Jungkook in the lab.

There was one part of chemistry labs you disliked the most. The waiting time. In some labs it was only 30 minutes, while in other labs it had taken almost an hour, but the constant in all of the situations was that waiting made it feel like time was passing at an infinitely slower rate. Taking out your laptop would violate lab safety protocol, and you couldn’t do any further steps in your lab until your reaction in your solution was done progressing under the fume hood. Since there were no other options, the only other thing left to do in moments like this was talk to Jeon Jungkook.

“So I was -”

“What did you -”

Yikes, add the awkwardness of starting conversation with Jeon Jungkook to the reasons you never talk to him.  You decided to pause and let him carry on with whatever he was saying, giving him a semi-pleasant smile to hopefully help distract from the embarrassment you were feeling.

“I was going to ask what you wanted to do our lab presentation on,” said Jungkook.

Your eyes widened at his statement. Looking at the whiteboard situated at the side of the room, you saw that in the 4 minutes you were late to your lab you may not have missed your TA explaining the procedure, but you did the big words on the board that said:

“FINAL LAB PRESENTATION: 3 weeks from now, worth 20% of your grade, done with your lab. 5-10 page paper and 10-15 minute oral presentation”.

Unable to contain your discontentment with the situation, you let out a groan and leaned back in your chair in frustration, almost falling off your lab stool in the process.

“Well aren’t you just little Miss Sunshine today? I’m not thrilled about this either, but I’d rather pull out my eyelashes than have to repeat this course again next semester,” scoffed Jungkook.

No morning ice coffee + Jeon Jungkook being annoying + a looming group project was more enough to make your head hurt.

“Can we just talk about this later Jeon? My brain can’t process this right now,” you pleaded as you put your head in your hands.

Leaning closer to you, Jungkook spoke at a whisper-level near your ear so nobody else would hear.

“Is your brain too busy processing my charm, sunshine? Don’t worry, I’ll try and tone down the charisma for you,” he joked with a smirk.

Your head went from being in your hands to plopping flat onto your (no longer sterile) lab counter at Jungkook’s comment.

First of all, ew. You don’t know how Jungkook was possibly picking up girls by talking like that. Second of all, charm and charisma were probably two words that you would NEVER associate with Jungkook, so his statement was definitely wrong.

A project with Jungkook meant that you would be spending a LOT more time with him, and the prospect of that happening made you wince internally. Group projects meant libraries, evenings, and , ugh, probably weekends with Jeon Jungkook.

You were snapped out of your internal despair by the sound of Jungkook’s voice.

“Hand me your phone.”

You froze. “Hm?”

“Well I don’t know what you think of me Y/N, but unless you think I can read your mind we’re  going to need to text to figure out when to meet.”

Giving in, you quickly tossed your phone into his open palm while grabbing his phone which was sitting on top of his backpack.

Glancing over his shoulder, you took a peek at your contact name.

“little miss sunshine? really Jeon?”

“Of course sunshine, i had to pick a name that encapsulated your positive and radiant energy,” he retorted, sarcasm practically dripping off of his words.

You definitely were picking your battles today, and one over a silly contact name didn’t seem to be worth it.

“You can do whatever, Jeon, but you’re sticking in my phone as “Jeon Boy” and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“We’ll see about that Y/N,” remarked Jungkook as he opened up his lab manual to read the next steps in the procedure.

Your mom had always taught you that the word “hate” was a very strong word and was only to be used in extreme situations. To this day, there were only 3 people in your life that you truly hated in every sense of the word: your ex-boyfriend, Jimin, your ENGL 101 Professor, Dr.Lee, and your neighbor’s cat, Mr. Whiskers, who chewed up your grade 8 science project the day before it was due.

You wouldn’t say that you hate Jungkook, but you were definitely getting close.

“Yknow, I don’t like you Jeon. Actually, scratch that, I really don’t like you.”

Glancing over at the timer on your lab bench finally reaching 0:00, Jungkook began walking over to the fume hood. Turning back to you, he smirked and started to speak.

“Well, the feeling’s mutual sunshine.”

Boy, this was definitely going to be a long semester.

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

If you want to be tagged in future parts, reblog and mention that you want to be tagged in the caption (or you can send me an ask)!

If you liked what you read, please write/follow! Thank you for reading♡

- Emily

[alaskasmonsters]

(Un)deserving | Nishinoya Yuu

requested by @kyonsh​: Hii! I was wondering if you could write a Nishinoya angst with a fluff ending, in which they are childhood friends but Nishinoya feels he isnt enough for her. The plot can change if you feel like it! Thank u so much just for paying attention to my request!

pairing: nishinoya yuu x fem!reader

w.c: 3.343

warnings: angst (with happy ending), noya being hella insecure

a.n: i wonder if i’ll ever manage to finish requests quickly...thank you for being so patient with me <3 i’m finally finished and i really hope it’s what you imagined and i hope you like it! :3 (it’s like 2 am lol (what is sleep).)

If Nishinoya Yuu had to describe you in 10 words or less he’d say: “The most important person in my life.” And he’d say it with his whole chest.

Since early childhood you’ve been by Nishinoya’s side, as his best friend, and he couldn’t imagine you anywhere else other than beside him. You were his partner in crime, his ride and die, his...too precious to lose.

The two of you had met in kindergarten, at the playground. Little Nishinoya had made it his mission to become your best friend after he saw you punch another kid in the face for making fun of a girl who kept bringing her pacifier, seated in between her lips. The kid had called the girl a baby and mocked her making fake crying noises, fists wiping at his eyes as he pouted and frowned. He hadn’t stopped, not even after the girl had started sobbing, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. Nishinoya had gotten ready to be her knight in shining armor, standing to his feet tall with his chest puffed out, when you had already swept in. You hadn’t wasted any time and lunged at the boy, sucker punching him in the face.

Little Nishinoya had watched with wide eyes and a gaping mouth, the sight of a petite girl knocking down a boy older and taller than her had been absolutely world changing to him. In the matter of seconds, you had gone from “girl he goes to kindergarten with” to “most amazing person in the whole town” in his eyes.

You were cool! Not taking any shit from other kids, but you were kind and protective over your friends.

Ensuring your alliance had been of utmost importance to him, the top priority on his list of priorities. He hadn’t realized it back then, still too young and green behind his ears to understand the feelings already blooming in his chest, but he’d been smitten with you since then.

And when you’d agreed to be friends with him, because he was fun and you wanted to play pirates with him, little Nishinoya had lit up like a christmas tree. Since that day he’d stood a little bit taller than before.

That was the first of many times he’s received some kind of approval from you. You liked to give compliments, especially to him (and that wasn’t making him feel all warm and fuzzy inside! No!) But the feeling he’d get when you did, the warmth he’d feel enveloping his whole body and the feeling of growing a little taller with every nice word you fed him, nourishing to him like water to a plant, never dulled.

With you next to him he had felt like the tallest boy on the playground.

You’d been best friends ever since and still Nishinoya couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d won the lottery of life, whenever you’d show up to one of his volleyball games wearing his, his, sweater or every time you’d laugh at one of his joke and you’d laugh at all of them! Even the bad ones.

He felt so lucky that you’d chosen him back then and never gone back on it. Why you’d chosen him he had no idea, but he wouldn’t dare to question it...

If Nishinoya Yuu had to choose one reason why he’d fallen in love with you, he’d remain quiet.

It would have been a betrayal to his feelings for you if he’d spoken up since everything you did and everything you were, all your little tics and habits and quirks, everything that made you so blatantly you, was why he’d fallen so deeply he’d never be able to recover from it. There wasn’t a singular reason, it was all of them.

He’d fallen in love with your different smiles. The way your lips quirked up when you were watching their team train, the soft curve of your lips when the two of you were being silly with each other, the wide stretch of your mouth when you were so happy you could run and dance and scream. He knew what all of them meant and he thought of every single one of them as beautiful.

He loved your silliness. He loved your excitement. He loved your annoyance. He loved your frustration.

The face you made when Nishinoya let his indifference towards his grades show, all scrunched up and displeased, he loved that one, too. And then you’d scold him because if he was performing badly in school he wouldn’t get to participate in the training camps!

He loved that a single nudge to your side could turn you into a giggling mess.

He just loved you...

If Nishinoya Yuu had to name his biggest fear, something he was feared more than anything else, he’d say: “Losing Y/n.”

It was the same answer as to the question of why he hadn’t confessed his feelings to you, yet, told you how he felt, asked you to be his girlfriend.

Because he hadn’t.

What was he so afraid of? Nishinoya, the boy who’d chosen not to be afraid of anything because fear was a waste. Fear stopped people from learning and growing, gathering new experiences and gaining more knowledge. It’s a lesson his gramps had taught him.

So why did he let fear stop him this time?

Well, it was pretty simple.

You were you and Nishinoya was...Nishinoya.

You were well liked by everyone, since you were smart and pretty and honest and kind. You could probably get every boy you wanted in Karasuno High, there was no reason for you to choose him

He was too loud and too passionate, he knew that, and not exactly popular with girls either, partly because of that. Girls didn’t like him because of his height, being 5’3” wasn’t exactly what most girls imagined the ideal height for their boyfriend. They’d rather go for someone like Tsukkishima or Asahi, although those two were awfully awkward with receiving the affections.

You didn’t seem to mind his loud personality or his small built. After all, you were his best friend. Though, Nishinoya couldn't possibly imagine you found it endearing (in a romantic way) or dare he think even attractive.

You were cute, adorable actually, and he wasn’t on your level.

You were pretty, so beautiful and he wasn’t on your level.

You were the most amazing girl he’d ever had the honor to meet….and he wasn’t on your level.

He didn’t deserve you. Not in the way he wanted to deserve you.

He wanted to be good enough to be by your side, not just as your best friend but as something more. He wanted to hold your hand while walking home, kiss your cheek, call you his girlfriend.

He knew he stood no chance, Nishinoya was fairly optimistic and too ambitious for his own good, but he knew when it was time to back down. You would never see him as more than just your best friend and even if you did, you deserved better than him.

Realizing this hurt, a lot, the thought to never be with you...it ripped him apart. Thinking of you smiling or laughing at anybody elses jokes, wearing somebody else's sweater...it made anger swirl through him, hot and unsettling and ugly.

So he put a plan into work, a bad one admittedly, but it was better than no plan at all. He’d try to keep his distance, just for a little while, until those feelings he harbored for you eventually faded into nothingness. He hoped it would hurt less then, him and you, since he wouldn’t be pining after you anymore and you weren’t in danger of him possibly spilling his feelings to you and putting you into a situation where you were forced to reject him.

You wouldn’t like that, you were too kind, knowingly hurting him would end up hurting you just as bad. He wanted to prevent that.

Keeping his distance made sense. It would spare the both of you a lot of pain.

He’d been wrong about that, very wrong...

If Nishinoya Yuu regretted one decision he made in his life more than any other it would have been this one.

The look on your face was heartbreaking, as you stood before him, in front of his door. He couldn’t be all too happy to have you here after weeks of barely talking to each other. Your eyes were red and puffy and your lips were trembling, but you stood before him with your back straightened and your chest puffed out, just like you always did when you were afraid.

Nishinoya’s heart sunk in his chest when he noticed.

“Noya?” your voice was soft, almost swallowed by the wind.

He hated hearing you sound so scared, hated the crack in your voice. He couldn’t stand it.

“Why are you avoiding me? Is it something I did?”

So you noticed. Of course you noticed. You weren’t an idiot, no he was the idiot. For not being able to push those nasty feelings aside that were slowly eating away at him.

He averted his glance, shifting until he’d found a crack in the mural he could focus on, anything was better than having to look at your sad face.

He couldn’t stand it.

“I’m not avoiding you...”

He knew you wouldn’t buy it, not when he sounded this dishonest and looked all uncomfortable and clenched up. You were smarter than that.

You frowned at him, angered by his denial of what he’s so clearly done. Which was ignoring you, for weeks that was. And he hadn’t been very subtle either. No, Yuu had kept making up excuses, telling you he couldn’t hang out with you because he was busy with homework (not a very believable excuse), or he had to visit his gramps (usually you’d go with him?) or he had to help his mom with groceries or...there were too many too count. And all of them had been bad.

During school, he had talked to you less. He’d find excuses not to eat lunch with you as often or convince you it wasn’t necessary to watch the boy’s volleyball training all that often. Usually you’d stayed almost everyday after school, heck, you were an honorable manager at this point, before Yuu had started acting weirdly around you that was.

At first, you’d tried to push feelings of concern and worry away, thinking maybe Yuu was just having a weird day...or week maybe. But your best friend hadn’t stopped acting strange and he hadn’t stopped reducing the time you saw and spoke to each other to a bare minimum.

And now you were standing in front of his door and he was acting like nothing was wrong at all?

You wouldn’t just keep on ignoring this.

You pushed past him and inside the house, quickly throwing your shoes off and stomping to the kitchen, letting your bag drop to the ground near the counter. You turned around to see Yuu had followed you, looking at anything but you. Such a coward.

“Talk to me!” you urged him, your voice still hoarse from all the tears you’d shed because of him.

The boy let out a heavy sigh, scratching at his neck as he tried to find another excuse to tell you. You just knew it, you could see it in how his eyes still refused to meet yours.

“It’s nothing, Y/n. Look, I promise.”

New tears pricked at the inside of your eyes, daring to spill over because damn this was so frustrating.

“Yes, it is something! Tell me!”

“No, really it’s-”

“Tell me.”

“I swear it’s-”

“Tell me.”

“Y/n!”

“Nishinoya!”

The boy froze up, his eyes darting up to stare at you in shock. You held his glance, happy you had at least made him look at you properly, although the weight of his glance felt heavy as his eyes began to look glassy.

You had never called him by his last name before.

Nishinoya bit his lips, clearly distressed now that he realized how hurt you really were by his unjustified avoidance of you, that despite your silent submission to his distance you hadn’t been okay with it, in the slightest.

He reached out to you, the urge to be close to you and cheer you up again was huge, but you turned, denying his touch. He let his arm drop unceremoniously to his side again.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled because he was.

This had been a stupid plan. He should have never gone with avoiding you in the first place, not when he should have known it would probably lead to this…He thought he could prevent both of you from getting hurt, but his approach had achieved the complete opposite.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Yuu,” you started again, rubbing your cheeks to remove the wetness the tears had left behind.

He hated seeing you cry,

“I can’t.”

“Why not? We don’t usually keep secrets from each other.”

“I just can’t.”

Your shoulders dropped a little and you looked away, instead staring out of the window.

“Oh,” you sounded discouraged now, tired even.

Nishinoya was afraid of losing you, he’d rather hack off his arms and say goodbye to his healthy limbs than say goodbye to you. That’s why he would never tell you about his feelings, because if he did he’d end up losing you. Not immediately, but in the end he would. You didn’t return his feelings and although you’d surely be okay with staying friends it would soon become awkward between the two of you. You would hang out less, talk less until you were just strangers who were once best friends.

The thought was depressing but necessary to motivate Nishinoya to keep quiet.

“No, screw that!!

Your angry voice ripped him out of the spiral of dred he’d found himself in. He blinked, shaking himself out of his thoughts, eyes falling to your face automatically.

It was all scrunched up, your eyes twinkling with determination. It was the same face you had made just before you had punched that boy on the playground back there and for a second he was sure you’d do it again. Punch him for being so stupid and hurting you. He would have deserved that.

You didn’t.

“Even if you can’t tell me you still should! You’re my best friend, we always tell each other everything and i don’t want that to change!”

Your hands were clenched to fists as you stared him down, daring, no challenging him to respond. But Nishinoya found himself unable to.

Your words left him feeling cold, the dooming realization that whatever he’d do, refuse to talk or admit his feelings for you, the dynamic between the two of you would forever change, washed over him like icy water

You wouldn’t just take his silence. If he didn’t talk, didn’t tell you the reason, the real reason why he avoided you, you wouldn't forgive that. Not purposely, but a part of the trust you shared would forever be gone. On the other hand if Nishinoya spilled the beans and told you that he was in love with you for quite some while and had avoided you to try and make those feelings go away before they could ruin your friendship...he couldn’t even imagine how you’d react.

You wouldn't be happy. Would you be scared, sad, empathetic? He didn’t know which would be worse.

“Yuu, please!”

He didn’t have a choice. He had to tell you. That was the only possibility he had that might lead to a better outcome to the first one. He just had to be straightforward with you, you'd appreciate that.

“I love you.”

A little too straightforward.

You stared at him in silence, face blank. Before he could regret his words and paddle back Nsihinoya straightened his back and puffed out his chest, hoping he’d gain just as much bravery doing that than you always did.

“I love you and I have for a while,” he continued, standing a little bit taller than before, “I didn’t tell you because i didn’t want to pressure you or make you feel guilty for not feeling the same, so i avoided you. I thought maybe it would get rid of the feelings, but I still think you’re the most beautiful and smartest and kindest and funniest girl I've ever met and that probably won’t change either.”

You were still only staring at him so Nishinoya decided he’d just go on.

“Every time I'm with you I feel like I'm the tallest person on the planet. You make me feel strong and brave and like the best version of myself. I know i’m not your type and i know i don’t deserve being with you, that’s why i tried the avoidance thing, to make it less awkward but now-”

Nishinoya hadn’t caught you moving until suddenly you were standing right in front of him. The words died on his tongue as he was met with the look in your eyes, unshakable and sparkling with a confidence he’d never seen with you. It had rendered him speechless.

There was no hesitation in your movements as you reached up to twist your fingers into his shirt and pulled, no... yanked him down until his lips were tightly pressed against yours. His heart skipped a beat, no several beats, as he was frozen in his shock. Hot and cold shivers ran down his spine in time your lips started moving against his. Softly. Uncertain.

Then you pulled back again, just as his brain started catching up to what was happening. Your cheeks were flushed and when Nihsinoya tried to meet your eyes you lowered your head to stare at his chest instead.

“You’re such an idiot, Yuu. Saying stupid things like that,”you murmered and he saw the tips of your ears turn red.

“You kissed me,” he had blurted it out before he was able to stop himself.

You huffed, your fingers tightening their grip around his shirt and Nishinoya realized in amusement that you were embarrassed at your own straightforwardness.

“You kissed me!” he repeated, the confidence slowly returning to him at the premise that you must return his feeling to do something as bold as kissing him….on the lips!

“Shut up, I know,” you whined, hitting your forehead to his chest.

It was like a weight was lifted off his shoulder, like the invisible thread that had been separating you before, one only Nishinoya had been able to see had been severed. You had kissed him after he told you he loved you.

You returned his feelings!

Nishinoya hugged you, eyes wrapping around your form with ease and his head resting on top of yours, your face still hidden in his chest.

“I love you,” he repeated softly, testing the words once more and felt you visibly relaxing in his arms when his voice reached your ears.

“I love you, too,” you replied quietly, words muffled against the fabric of his shirt but still it was enough for him to hear.

He pulled back, just enough so you couldn’t hide your face away anymore and he grinned at you, a grin you’d return with just as much intensity. You really were the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen.

“I can’t believe you kissed me just like that,” he teased you, remembering how bold of you that was.

You playfully hit him in the chest, whining once more, but Nishinoya just laughed gleefully at the blush gracing your cheeks, before he leaned closer again. Close enough so both of your noses almost touched. Your eyes went wide and he could swear you stopped breathing, too, for a second. Nishinoya watched your reaction in amusement.

“Do it again!” he whispered, the challenge made your face light up again.

And you didn’t let him tell you twice.

If there was one moment Nishinoya Yuu would never want to stop it was definitely this one.

Taglist: @crystal-lilac​

[mediocre--writing]

I loved your childhood friends ask! I have a headcannon that when they grow up and get to high school, Billy has a hard time because Steve is seeking out girls whereas Billy just wants him. Billy would definitely cry to his mom about it, especially when Nancy comes into the picture, his head in her lap as she plays with his hair and tries to soothe his broken heart and sobs. How could he fall in love with his straight childhood best friend?

it wasn’t steve’s fault.

billy had to keep reminding himself that it was in no way steve’s fault.

but as he sat in the camaro, waiting for steve to get out of his house, billy could see steve twirling the phone cord around his fingers while he blushed and talked to someone.

billy had been there for almost ten minutes. and steve had seen him, even waved at him, and was usually so punctual about leaving the house.

but it took a total of 25 minutes for steve to hang up the phone and come out to billy’s car.

“nance was talking to me about that party friday, you know the one? but yeah she wanted us to go together and so...”

“so you wanna drive her to the party. steve, she’s your girl, you gotta take her,”

steve sighed out in relief, “we’ll go to the next one together, b, alright?”

“of course,”

they hung out that afternoon but billy didn’t feel as up for it as he was when he was getting ready.

steve was constantly talking about nancy or the party and what he should wear. billy wanted to beat his face in.

it wasn’t for any other reason than he was being annoying. steve and billy were hanging out. that was the plan. it wasn’t steve, billy, and the constant thought of nancy wheeler hanging out.

they drove around for a while, which was nice, and they sang to music, and billy felt settled by steve’s semi-raspy singing voice.

he felt a bit better about losing steve to nancy until he went to drop steve off. it wasn’t anything that happened, just what he said:

“thanks for being so cool about the party. maybe nance and i can introduce you to heather, she’s super nice and i think she likes you!”

billy forced an easy smile on his face while he looked at steve, “sure, t, that would be nice,”

then steve left and billy waited until he got into the house before driving off like a bat outta hell.

he didn’t go straight home. he went to the gas station, filled up the tank, bought three packs of cigarettes, and a candy bar before driving around for the remainder of the night, until about 12.

steve never listened anymore.

in the car, billy had been talking about how he had found a second job at the pool and his coworker, heather, was really sweet.

then steve brings her up at the end of the night like he came up with her out of nowhere? did he not listen to a word billy had said all night?

and nancy. nancy prissy-motherfucker wheeler.

who does she think she is? ramming her way into their group, pretending to be all shy and sweet and cutesy when she just wants steve.

and the way she thinks she’s better than everyone because she’s taking next-grade level clases.

well guess what, wheeler, so am i!! you’re nothing special!!

as billy finished off the last cigarette of the second pack, he reached into the passenger seat to grab for the third pack when he realized how shaky his hands were.

glancing around the car, he noted that it was 11:45, three and a half hours since he’d left steve’s house. and he was going 94 on a shady backroad.

billy loved the feel of speeding, but knew his mother would whip his ass if he did.

rather than open a new pack, billy decreased his speed (to 70, but it was better than 100) and started driving home.

he rolled all the windows down completely, hopefully getting some of the smell out.

when he’d pulled into his driveway, his mom was standing on the porch, trying to shove the key into the lock while balancing her purse, diner leftovers, and another bag in her arms.

billy quickly got out of the car, leaving the pack of cigarettes in there and grabbing the candy bar before walking up the steps and taking the takeout boxes out of her hands.

“thank you, sweet boy,” she smiled as she finally got the key in the lock

they walked into the house quietly, setting all of their stuff down.

billy discarded his jacket in the coat closet while she had gone to change out of her diner uniform into comfy pajamas.

billy moved to the kitchen to take plates and cups down, setting them on the dining table suit for three people, maximum.

he opened the take out boxes and moved each of their dinners onto plates before filling the glasses with ice and water.

“thank you, baby,”

she pecked him on the forehead as he sat down at the table, then took her normal seat and began eating.

“how was your day?”

“better than yours,”

billy’s face scrunched up a little at her comment as she took a bite of her burger.

“you still smell like smoke, plus you were meeting with steve at 6, so you’ve been out for quite a while...”

“it’s nothing to worry about,” billy kept holding his burger rather than take a bite out of it, the smoking having ruined his appetite.

“billy,”

“promise, it’s nothing to worry about,”

“alright. don’t you both have that party friday?”

“why does everyone care about this stupid party!?” billy said, louder than he meant to.

“who’s ‘everyone’?”

“nobody, mom,”

“oooh, you’re all grumpy, calling me ‘mom’ and shit. why don’t you check the attitude by tomorrow morning, mkay?”

billy nodded and took a bite of his food, “sorry,”

“it’s alright, but you can’t get angry at me for something i didn’t do, billy,”

billy nodded and she got up to clear her finished plate, rinsing it then coming back to where billy was still eating.

she held his face gently in her hands and placed a long kiss on his forehead, “try to get a good nights sleep, hon,”

she walked to the back of the house, where her bedroom was, and shut the door, leaving billy with most of his dinner still on his plate and heaviness in his heart.

billy made it through the rest of the school week. the weather was warming up, nearing the end of the school year, and the days were pretty easy.

but he was avoiding steve. well, really, he was avoiding the priss, and since she was always with steve, he was avoiding him by default.

and it didn’t feel any better avoiding steve when every time he did see him, he was holding flowers for her, or picking her up from behind, or talking real close to her face all sweet.

the worst part was that steve didn’t seem all to fazed by not seeing billy those four days.

and it hurt. it hurt that, apparently, steve meant more to billy than billy meant to steve. it hurt that the priss could replace billy so quickly.

and so billy was getting agitated. his mom kept working late shifts and billy was working on training for his lifeguard job and homework and it all felt like too much was going on and he didn’t have steve there to distract him.

so, by complete accident, he got into a fight. a big one. with a senior.

for a junior, billy could probably pass as an actual adult, and had the muscles and fighting skills to prove it.

the senior wasn’t too far off either, though.

billy got knocked into (by accident) in the hall while he was watching steve and the priss and just... snapped.

he and the boy were both losers of the fight, neither looking better than the other and neither having been declared winner. plus, they were both marched off to the principals office at the end of the day.

billy, out of the corner of his eye, saw steve watching him get marched off to the front offices, but didn’t care to look and see his face.

more so, the disappointment that would be there. steve hated when he got angry and fought. he hadn’t gotten into a fight since freshman year, so what happened now?

billy’s mom, having been called in from work, seemed as if she was on fire when she came into the building.

she was a taller woman, had broad shoulders and a glare that rivaled billy’s. in short, she was intimidating as fuck (even in her cute 50s work uniform)

billy couldn’t look her in the eye.

after they’d finished with the principal (two day suspension for both boys), billy and his mom walked out to his car.

“where’d you park?” billy grumbled.

“i had christopher drop me off so i could make sure that you would be going straight home after this,”

they made it to the blue camaro, both standing on the drivers side door.

“mom—“

“keys!” she held her hand out and billy stared at her, “now!”

he fumbled in his jean jacket pocket before handing her the keys, walking around to the passenger door and getting in.

they drove the speed limit the whole way home, not talking and not listening to music. just the rumble of the engine as they sat in silence, both seething with different types of anger.

they pulled up to the house, both getting out and going to the door, unlocking it and billy tried storming off to his room before he was called back.

“what!”

“first of all, loose the ‘tude,” she gestured for him to sit on the couch as she walked back and forth in front of the coffee table. “second of all, no party friday.

“now, what the hell is wrong with you? huh? i didn’t raise you to punch a kid for accidentally bumping you in the hall and i most definitely never taught you to talk back to me!

“i get it, billy. we all have bad days or weeks or whatever but we don’t scream at other people or start fights because we feel angry! do you understand that?”

“yes, ma’am,”

“now, why don’t you tell me why you’ve been all ‘hormonal teenager’ for the past week. well, the past month you’ve been weird, so start from the beginning,”

billy took a few deep breaths, “mom, i really don’t wanna—“

“no, we’re gonna talk. i took the whole day off work so we could fix this, so we are gonna talk and we are gonna figure this out, because you’re not you, billy. you are sweet and smiley and funny and you’ve been a little shit recently,”

billy smiled a little bit at his moms crude language, something most parents would frown upon.

“i’m pretty sure that steve and i aren’t really friends anymore. not like we used to be, at least,” billy scrunched up his nose, a tell that meant he was pretending he wasn’t about to start crying.

“why do you think that? you and steve are inseparable, have been since the day you met,”

“he got a girlfriend,” billy was staring just over his mom’s head, pretending he was looking at her. “and he hasn’t been...”

“hasn’t been what?”

he rolls his eyes, “i’m gonna sound like an asshole,”

“you are a little asshole, just say it,”

“he doesn’t pay attention to me anymore. all he talks about is the priss and how their relationship is going. i love him, mom, you know i do, but i can’t hear another word about her! i hate her!”

“why? is she mean to steve?”

“not mean mean, but, like, i talked to some of the guys we hang out with and they think steve’s been weird recently too. he doesn’t do anything without her and he’s different. i can’t explain it, he’s just not the same steve,”

“billy, it’s his first love, he’s gonna be all sappy for her and forget about his friends, it’s just how it is most of the time,”

“no! it’s not ‘just how it is’ because steve and i aren’t just friends, we’re closer and she’s just pulling him away! he doesn’t even care that she is!”

“billy,”

“you don’t understand!”

“i do, i get it completely, but you’re teenagers and you’re gonna get upset. i’m surprised you and steve have made it this far without having a big fight yet,”

“but we aren’t supposed to have big fights! he’s supposed to listen to me and i’m supposed to listen to him! we get each other and he knows me better than anyone! he’s not like my other friends, he’s—he’s steve—and i can’t loose him, mom,

“he was the first kid i really got to hang out with when you kicked dad out, and he helped me through that. we’re close! i can’t just lose him now, after everything!”

“billy, baby,” he looked up to her, teary eyes and all, “what are you really thinking about right now?”

“i think... i think i like steve, like, i like like steve,”

“i know, baby,”

billy’s head shot up to look at her eyes, “you—“

“billy, you’ve loved steve since the day you met, it’s harder not to notice,”

billy starts breathing deeper then, and his mom moves to sit on the couch, pulling him into her chest as she plays with his hair while he cries quietly about losing his best friend and crush.

“it hurts so bad, momma,”

she shushes his broken voice and continues to play with his hair, “i know, baby, i know,” she tears up along with him.

they stay like that until the school day ends, then when the sun goes down.

billy ends up falling asleep on the couch that night. she gets up to get the knitted blanket off of an adjacent chair and drapes it over his body, not being able to cover all of his legs, but staying there with him all night.

it was hard, as a mother, to watch her son break into so many little pieces. but it was even harder when she almost felt her heart break with his.

she knew steve, knew he would make whoever he ended up with a very, very happy person. he was sweet and went out of his way to make others happy.

and a selfish part of her really wanted steve to end up with her billy, for him to be treated right by the only person he’s been in love with. the person who he’d unintentionally pined after for years.

she just wanted to see her boys happy.

[bbdaydreams]

Courage My Love// Semi Eita

Pairing: Semi Eita x Reader

Summary: You like Semi and come up with a plan to confess to him, unfortunately it takes a turn. You meet again a couple years later by chance.

Chapter Four: Disappear

Warning: suggestive nsfw. Nothing explicit at all. STORY TAKES PLACE AFTER HIGH SCHOOL MEANING THEY ARE NO LONGER MINORS.

Series Masterlist•<previous•next>

—————

“Does he sing to all your music while you dance to "Purple Rain"? Does he do all these things, like I used to?”

“Eita! Stop! You’re making us depressed with all the sad songs you’ve been writing!” Ranmaru told the lead vocalist.

Semi put his palm over the strings of the acoustic guitar so they’d stop ringing and let his body relax against the cold wall behind him. “Sorry, can’t help it,” he mumbled.

Semi never got his chance to talk to you after graduation. He did notice that you only blocked his number and not his social medias but that was all he needed to know that you didn’t want to talk to him. He didn’t want to send you a direct message, solely because he was scared you’d end up blocking him on whatever platform he used. The last thing he wanted was to be completely out of your life. Even though he isn’t directly in your life, he still wants to support you from the side lines. Funny how things used to be the other way around.

“Guys, we should make him a tinder,” Subaru spoke.

“What? No! I don’t want one! I’m not ready,” Semi huffed.

“Eita, it’s been like three years. You’re twenty one now. I’m sorry but we’re tired of seeing you like this all the time. We can’t relate to what you’re going through but we can empathize with you. We can imagine how much pain you’re in and we want to help you,” Jiro argued.

“I’ve gone on a couple dates already and they were all bad. What’s talking to even more strangers gonna do?”

“Show you that there’s other people out there. I know you’ve seen me in an out of relationships a lot but I don’t regret a single one. They’ve each taught me something. Also I’m gonna be very blunt, you can’t miss what you never had. You’ve got to let go dude,” Ranmaru added.

“But I-“

“No Eita, you didn’t have them. You were only friends. Just give a chance? Please,” Subaru finished.

Semi took a look around the room before nodding his head yes. He could guess that his band mates were probably tired of dealing with him. They’re in college now trying to finish their education to have a back up plan since they still haven’t taken off yet but at the end of the day he knew the band comes first. It always has but the band is only as fun as you make it to be. They could play their instruments all they want but they have to play them in a way that fits the mood of the song and since Semi has been struggling with writing more upbeat catchy tunes, the sad boy crap gets repetitive. The others had to accommodate to him because of how much trouble he was having.

“I’ll download it now.”

-

“Y/n! Smile!” Tendou yelled before snapping a picture of you with his phone.

“Tendou, stop!” You laughed while reaching for his phone. He raised his arms to increase the distance and joined with you in your laughter.

“I’m sorry but you’re just so cute.”

You and him were currently walking back to your place from a date. After graduation, Tendou continued school and you moved into a small house with your band mates to make your living situation easier for all of you. You guys have gone on tours and such but you still haven’t had your big break through.

When you got to your home you invited Tendou inside and since no one else was home you didn’t have to greet them all before going into your room. “Whatcha wanna watch?” You asked him as you sat in your bed while flipping through channels.

“I’m down for anything,” he responded, getting into bed with you and attempting to lay on you. Picking a random show, you set the remote down before relaxing and combing your fingers through his hair which was now quiet long and down, different from how he had it in high school.

You two stayed in that position for a couple minutes while your mind started to wander off. Three years since you and the girls, two for Haruka, graduated and chose not to continue with school because the label seemed promising. Your band is currently working on an album after having multiple demos made and working part time jobs to have a more stable source of income. But also three years you spent with Tendou as your lover. And all of that was going to end soon because he was moving across the world for his career.

Three years is a lot of time to spend with someone romantically, especially when you’ve known them for longer. It’s not something you can just up and forget but unfortunately the both of you will have to move on. Tendou was still laying on you peacefully until he left a wet droplet on his face. Immediately he looked up and saw you with your eyes closed in at attempt to stop your tears. “Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he spoke softly, reaching a hand out to cup your face. You opened your eyes to look at him and gave him a sad smile that he returned. “Even when you cry, you’re beautiful, my paradise.”

Words of comfort was something Tendou never lacked. There was never a single time you’d consider him a bad boyfriend. And you were grateful to have him in your life. “I’m sorry,” you apologized for crying.

“It’s alright,” he laughed before sitting up to kiss you. This was your last day together before he left. Knowing that, you both gradually intensified the kiss that lead to more kisses. Kisses that lead to wandering hands. Wandering hands leading to the action that you both know would be the last time you were intimate together before Tendou left to his home to grab his luggage before heading off to the airport, to take a flight to France.

Once all the aftercare was done you slept in his arms for a good two hours until he woke up from the alarm he set on his phone. He knew better than to leave without saying a word so he woke you up too. “Paradise, wake up. I gotta go.” You unwillingly opened your eyes and rubbed them before focusing on him, his form already up and out of the bed. “I’ll miss you,” he started when he stood at your door, “thank you for giving me a chance.”

You looked at him with glossy eyes as he looked at you with his. Getting up from your bed you managed to make your way towards him to give him a kiss, your guy’s final kiss. Your relationship was now mutually over.

-

“I had so much fun on our date, Semi! You really are a great guy!”

“Thanks, I try,” Semi laughed as he lead the girl he was seeing to his dorm. Semi has been seeing this girl from his government course for about a month now and things seem to be going pretty well so far.

When they got to his dorm, she noticed his guitar and a couple of papers that had scribbles on them. “Oh? You play guitar? And you write music?” She asked innocently.

“Yeah I do.”

“Could you play me a song? Please?”

“Sure. I’ll even sing you one inspired by you,” Semi spoke smoothly. Being in the scene, Semi did pick up a thing or two on how to talk to girls, Subaru called it fan service.

Picking up the acoustic guitar on its stand, he gestured for her to take a seat on his bed while he sat down in a chair across from her. With the pick he retrieved from his pocket he proceeded to pluck each string to make sure it was tuned before playing a couple chords to make sure they sounded good as well. He looked up at her and took note of the smile on her face before looking back down at the guitar and playing a song he had finished writing about her two days ago. When he had finished, he looked up and was greeted with a frown. “What’s wrong?” he asked immediately setting the guitar down and walking towards her to cup her face. “Did you not like the song?”

“Semi, don’t touch me! Who is that song about?” she asked him, standing up so they were more level.

“It’s about you, babe-“

“Don’t call me babe either! Semi, we’re done!”

“What? Why?”

“What do you mean why? There’s clearly someone else! There’s no way that song is about me! My eyes aren’t that color and neither is my hair! I sound nothing like the girl in the song that you claim to love!”

“Let me explain-“

“There’s nothing to explain, Semi! Good night. We’re done,” she finished before walking out and slamming Semi’s door in the process. Burying his face into his pillow, Semi let out a grunt, not realizing his roommate had come in.

“I stopped by the cafeteria after my study group. I brought you a juice,” Subaru offered when he saw the ash blonde face down.

“Not in the mood, dude.”

“Fine. No juice for you.”

-

About two months after you and Tendou split up, your band’s album was released. All four of you were in awe when you first saw your first album in a store.

“It’s like.... our baby,” Haruka stated while looking through the glass.

“I know, right! Our first little baby,” Izumi added.

You and Yui were a couple feet behind them trying to contain your laughter but you had to admit you were just as amazed as them.

“C’mon! Let’s get our own copies!” Yui announced, leading the way inside. The rest of you followed and each picked up a copy ready to purchase it. “Not gonna lie, it makes me feel real fuzzy seeing our name and faces on this.”

“No kidding. We really worked hard for this, didn’t we?” You asked aloud. “Our first of many. Let’s hope Courage My Love can keep up with it.”

Walking towards the counter to pay one after the other the cashier put together that you guys were the ones on the album cover. “Is this you guys?”

“Yep! That’s us,” Izumi smiled. “It’s our first album!”

“Oh my! Congratulations! I recognize this as one of the new ones we got in last nights shipment. I’ll play it throughout the store today to listen,” the cashier told you all.

“Thank you so much, we’d really appreciate that,” you all spoke before heading towards the exit.

Walking through a park on your way to the grocery store, Izumi had a burst of energy she couldn’t help but expel. “We should take a picture!”

“But we have-“ Yui started before she was shushed by the tallest one from the group.

“Shhh- excuse me, sir? Could you take a picture of my friends and I?” she asked sweetly. The older gentleman agreed before asking Izumi how to use her phone. Once she explained to him she told the group what pose they should do. “We should hold them up and just pose with them together!” Complying with her idea, your amateur photographer took a couple pictures before handing the device back to its owner. You all thanked him and looked at the pictures he took before posting it to each of your social medias.

So excited to announce that our album is finally out! You can pick it up anywhere that sells cds or check it out on any music streaming apps. Thank you so much for your support!

-y/n<3

-

“Yo, this music kinda slaps. What band is this?” Ranmaru asked Semi who currently had the aux cord.

“Courage My Love,” Semi responded which resulted in Subaru letting out a loud groan.

“The hell is your problem?” Ranmaru asked the drummer.

“That’s fucking Y/n’s band! No wonder he’s been listening to it on repeat for the past week!”

Ranmaru immediately stepped on the breaks before turning around in his seat to look at Semi. “Eita, I’m only gonna ask once, give me the aux.”

Giving a small glare to the spikey silver haired bassist, Semi spoke, “no.... I don’t wanna.”

“Eita!” Ranmaru roared before leaning his torso to grab the other’s phone.

Jiro sitting in the passengers seat with wide eyes opted to grab the other end of the aux cord and unplug it directly from the source, resulting in everyone else getting quiet at the lack of music. “No more tunes till we get to the venue.”

Even after taking away aux privileges from him, Semi was quick to find a solution and use his headphones instead. He continued listening to your band’s new album, blown away from how much you’ve changed. He regretted everything he did to you but was also inspired by the woman you’ve become.

—————

a/n: just when I think I’m done with angst I write more and I just say oops to that. Also do you guys like the addition of songs for the chapters? Also sorry for all the jumping around during this chapter

Taglist:

@pluviophilefangirl @yourstarvic @sunaswife @mynscorner @syaziahvg @discountkiyoko

[got-svt]

all the boys you’ve loved and lost during the course of our lives, we meet thousands of people, creating either a seconds long moment or memories that last a lifetime. some of them you’ll have the opportunity to know beyond their names and faces, some you may even grow to love. unfortunately, not all of them have the luxury of staying in your life forever. 

❥• one: the childhood best friend 

he’s the one you grew up next to, who lived in the house directly in front of yours. the one you’ll forever associate with popsicles on the sidewalk, bike rides at dawn, seesaws and swings at sunset. and you wish you could trap yourself within the memories, to never escape the hold of childhood innocence. but, just like everyone else, both of you eventually had to grow up. 

pairing: lee chan x reader genre: fluff, angst, childhood friends to ??? word count: 2062

→  it honestly seemed like you and him were meant to be friends: both your parents attended the same university, worked at buildings a few streets away from the other’s, and eventually ended up living in the same neighbourhood — buying houses directly in front of each other. you met chan at the ripe old age of eight months, when they decided that both of you were old enough for a little play date. sure, you mostly communicated in unintelligible babbles and spent the afternoon throwing plastic toys and stuffed animals at the other — you having to go home a crying mess — but your parents remained optimistic that you would eventually become good friends.

→  and they were right — of course they were. this had been their plan from the very beginning. you began to grow closer when both of you were old enough to understand that throwing toys at other kids was wrong and your communication skills evolved from babbles to simple sentences. alternating afternoons were spent at the other’s place, playing house, cooking fake food, tag in the backyard, blowing bubbles in the garden. looking back at it now, friendships were so much simpler. you never had to worry if they truly liked you or wanted to spend time with you, as long as you could laugh and play around, all was well.  

→  you and chan learned how to ride a bike together. your parents were there to guide you both along, but it was mostly both of you teaching yourselves. was it a good idea to have two eight year olds learning by themselves? probably not, but it introduced you to the basics of independence and meant that you spent a lot of your time with chan. he was the first one to have the training wheels removed, much to your dismay and his elation. 

“hah, yn, you’re still a baby who needs training wheels.” chan teased, pointing a finger at you with a smile.  

you could only huff and pout, gripping onto the handles of your bike until your knuckles turned white. that night, you asked your parents to remove the training wheels of your bike, determined to prove to chan that you were, in fact, not a baby. 

the following afternoon had him eating his words, not because you were blazing down the street, but because you fell off your bike. chan almost fainted at the scrape that marked your arm. it was small and had little to no bleeding, but that didn’t stop him from rushing to his mother with tears brimming his eyes, demanding that you be treated. even though you repeatedly told him you were fine, chan spent the next few days following you around.  

→  the following year had you asking your parents what it meant to love someone. 

your parents’ eyes widen at your inquiry. “what do you mean yn?” your father asked, tilting his head to the side at your inquiry. 

“you always tell me you love me, and i tell you i love you back. but how do you know you love someone?” you clarified with a pout, looking down at your feet as if you were ashamed of your question. 

your parents shared a fond smile at the genuineness of your question, though it faltered slightly at the thought of you only saying it back because you were taught to — not out of sincerity. regardless, they tried their best to explain. “loving someone means you care for them, not wanting them to be hurt or sick. you want to be around them, you think about them even when you don’t mean to. you’re happy when you spend time with them. things like that.”  

you nod, taking into account their words and how you’ve been feeling yourself. the next day, you sat on the curb with chan. the summer sun threatening to melt the popsicles both of you were intent on eating. it was rather quiet, nothing but the birds’ melodious singing and cars passing by. up until you blurted out, “i love you.”    

chan blinked back at you, it had been the first time someone outside his family had told him that. you panicked at his non-response, explaining quickly what your parents told you, “loving someone means you don’t want that person hurt and you’re happy when you spend time with them.” 

chan nodded, processing your words, “hmm. then i love you too.” 

→  saying i love you became a normal thing for you and chan. your parents found it adorable, the way it became a hello and a goodbye. with all the time you spent together, it was expected that both of you form some sort of attachment to the other.  

you sat on a swing in the playground five minutes away from your homes, chan stood behind you, gently pushing you forward every now and then. the sun was setting, turning a sky into a mixture of orange, yellow, and purple. “do you think we’ll be friends forever?” you ask, voice soft and tender as you felt his hands lightly on your back. 

“yes. we will.” chan answered without a moment’s hesitation, eyes still staring straight ahead into the horizon.  

“how do you know?” you asked, still unsure. you were to start middle school the next day. it was at a much bigger place than your elementary or kindergarten. at age eleven, both of you knew things were bound to change. you knew were going to meet more people, possibly be placed in different classes, join various clubs and organizations. 

chan moved to stand in front of you, the swing slowing down to a gentle halt. “because i promise we’ll stay friends.” 

you hold your pinky up towards him, a smile playing on your features, “promise?” 

he intertwined his pinky with yours, chuckling as he shook his head at your slight nervousness, “promise, yn.” 

“okay. love you.”

“i love you too.” 

→  but of course, promises aren’t always kept. even though both of you tried your hardest to do so. 

→  you and chan were inseparable throughout your kindergarten and elementary school days. despite meeting several other kids that were in the same age range, you still opted to be attached at the hip. eating lunch or snacks, playing, studying together. slowly, but surely, all of that changed when you entered middle school. 

→  it started with being placed in different classes, with different free periods. you had made friends with the students that sat around you, all of them bright and bubbly — eager to make new friends. you were slightly overwhelmed at the onslaught of new people, but you grew to like it, accepting their invitations to hang out after classes. chan had also found new friends of his own. kids he met when he signed up for the dance club, all of them just as passionate as he was. you were both happy for the other’s expansion of social circles, never failing to send a giant smile and an excited wave when you bumped into each other in the halls.   

→  chan walked with you to school in the morning and always met up with you for lunch, exchanging stories of his afternoons at dance classes and yours spent swimming at the town rec center with your newfound friends. you both still said your i love yous with a smile before you headed into your next classes, but as the months passed, they became more and more rushed, eventually more mumbled, to barely saying it at all. 

→  you would eventually join your middle school swim team, and chan never missed a single one of your games, just as you didn’t miss a single one of his recitals. always the loudest to cheer the other on, the first to congratulate and celebrate a victory, or pick up in a loss. but with the addition of new clubs in your schedules, it meant lesser and lesser time to spend with the other. hanging out together turned a daily activity into a weekly one. neither of you minded, you were happy and occupied, that didn’t mean you were no longer friends. right? so you pushed that concern to the back of your minds.  

→  high school rolled around more quickly than either of you could ever imagine. chan was now in the school dance team and you were in the varsity swimming team. back in middle school, you both managed to meet up at least once a week, now you were lucky to even spend a full day together once a month.  

you sat in chan’s room, watching him as he struggle to get past a level of a video game another friend of his had lent him. truth be told, you couldn’t recall exactly what that game was. was it a platformer, racing, fighting? you never really listened when he rambled on about. you were too wrapped up in your own thoughts, something had changed, you just couldn’t quite put a finger on what it was exactly. “hey chan.” 

“yeah, yn?” he didn’t take his eyes off the screen, “is something wrong?”

“no, um—” you were grateful that some of his attention was elsewhere, “we’re still friends, right?” 

chan paused his game so he could turn to look at you, “of course we are. why are you asking?” 

you wanted to believe him, so you nodded before shaking your head in slight embarrassment, “right. i’m sorry, i guess i’m just thinking about how we’d known each other for sixteen years now.” 

chan knew better that to think that was all there was to your question, but he couldn’t find it in himself to delve further or to ask more questions. instead, he gave you a small smile, his mind going back to that summer afternoon eating popsicles on the sidewalk. “i love you.” 

you offer him a weak smile back, your own memories taking you back to watching the sunset on the swings, “i love you too.” 

→  little did either of you know that would be the last time you would say those words to the other. as the months dragged on, you and chan only became busier, with academics, extracurriculars. communication became far and few in between, you didn’t mean it of course. you were tired from swimming laps, he was exhausted from practice. you had homework that you’d been putting off, his friends decided to surprise him. it just slipped both of your minds.   

“i’m free on saturday, how about you?” 

 “can’t, f/n is coming over. how about sunday?” 

“ i have a competition, you’ll cheer me on right?” 

“ i have a swim meet that day too…” 

“tuesday then?” 

“i have a huge test on wednesday. i have to study. ” 

conversations like these soon became the norm for you and chan, not that either of you wanted it to be. it just happened without either of you noticing. you both slowly stopped inviting the other to hang out after class, to watch a swim meet or a recital, thinking that the other might be too busy to even attend. in neither of you wanting to bother the other, you eventually drifted further and further away from the other. 

→  there was no dramatic falling out, no big fight that ended in tears, not even a single screaming match. things simply happened without either of you realizing what was going on. you still waved at each other in the halls, but he stopped walking with you to and from school. you still talked to each other when both of your families occasionally had dinner together, but it felt formal and impersonal — filled with more awkward silences than comfortable ones. both of you always felt the need to fill up the space, but it somehow only made it worse. you still said your goodbyes with a hug and a smile, but there was no longer an “i love you” that followed.  

❥•   but it was with chan you learned that growing up could also mean growing apart. and though both of you know you could’ve done better, you accept that it couldn’t be helped. besides, you’ll always have the memories of learning to ride a bike, playing tag in the backyard, swings at sunset, and that very first i love you. memories both you and chan will look back on with a wistful smile when you long for the days of your youth, and that was more than enough.

seventeen as all the boys you’ve loved and lost. next  ➤  yoon jeonghan, the academic rival 

[dangerous-mess]

Breakeven (Kirishima x Bakugo x reader) Part 2

Characters: Bakugo, Kirishima, gender neutral reader, Dabi, mentions of Twice, mentions of Toga

Contains: Polyam relationships, language, implied that someone is drugged, implied of torture, kidnapping, nightmares, implied ptsd, arguing, manga spoilers (chapters 290 and 293), mentions of Bakugou’s hero name, mentions lov, filled with a lot of angst for a while, eventual fluff and happy ending I swear, time skips 

Word Count: 6K+ 

Months had passed since the encounter you had with Kirishima, and since then you had not heard from either of your ex-boyfriends. A part of you enjoyed the break, finally able to focus on yourself and your job. You slowly started to work longer shifts just to keep yourself busy, not sure what to do with the extra time on your hands. Though you would never admit it or say it out loud, you felt like you were missing a few pieces. You tried to fill the void that was left from the breakup, but nothing seemed to work. Eventually, you gave in to your mom’s constant pestering and decided to try the whole dating scene again.

During this time you felt drawn to call or even text the two pro heroes who had stolen your heart all those years ago, but you knew it wouldn’t be worth it, afraid of being hurt once more by the two heroes. So with your busy schedule and being having the advantage as you did in high school, you did the only logical thing. You downloaded a dating app and before clocking into work for the day you made sure to have a profile set up hoping to match with some people during breaks.

You felt giddy, to say the least when you went on your first break of the day. You sat down and quickly pulled out your phone and opened the app. You began looking at profiles, swiping left or right depending on whether or not you felt you two would connect. One profile stood out the most to you, a young man, who appeared to be a bit older than you, You swiped right in a heartbeat and saw that the two of you had matched. You felt your heart skip a beat, quickly checking the time. You had five minutes left before you had to return to work, so you quickly typed out a message to this handsome stranger whose name was Touya. You made sure to apologize in advance for any daily, explaining you were currently at work and about to get off your break.

The rest of your shift went by quickly and you didn’t dare check your phone until you got home. You opened up the app as soon as you closed and locked the door to your apartment, happy to see that the man had replied. He was sweet and kind, and surprisingly wasn’t trying to force anything upon you right away. You texted him late into the night before he excused himself saying that he had work. You bid goodbye as he made a promise to message you when he got the chance. For the first time in a long time, you fell asleep happy, a smile plastered on your face.

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The next few weeks were amazing, to say the least, in your eyes anyway. You finally felt like you found the piece you were missing and felt like things were finally falling into place. You and Touya had talked more often the past few weeks, even going as far and exchanging numbers and calling on the phone. You weren’t in love with him by any means, but just hearing his voice, definitely caused some butterflies to form in your stomach. His voice was just soothing and relaxing. It was calming you down after the intense days at the hospital and a part of you so desperately wanted to meet him, to go on a date with this sweet stranger. So that night when he called you, you took a chance and decided to take a chance and ask him.

“Hey Touya,” You whispered out, as you laid in bed, not wanting the moment to end. You heard him let out a small grunt as a response and you continued on with your question, “Can we, I mean, would you like to go on a date sometime?” You knew your voice quivered and you knew he heard it. There was silence for a moment and you began to shake and feel the tears well up in your eyes.

Finally, he spoke out, apologizing for the delay, he was just so caught off guard, before continuing on, answering the question. “When were you wanting to go on this date, cause if you aren’t busy we could go now? I know a café that just opened we can go to if you’d like.”

You quickly wiped your eyes, a smile growing on your face as the butterflies danced around in your stomach. “That sounds perfect, I’ll get ready if you wanna just text me the address.” You replied as you started to push yourself out of bed.

“Oh, I can give you time and just come pick you up, if you are okay with that.” He mumbled out, and before you could truly process the statement, you agreed. You gave him your address and he gave you a time he would be over, and with that, you hung up and began getting ready for the date.

Now, you weren’t an idiot, and as someone who had dated two pro heroes in the past, one would think you would be smarter than to give a random stranger whom you’ve never met in person and haven’t seen minus his dating profile your number, nevertheless your address, but you trusted this man. Though you would soon learn that was a mistake, and you should have taken better precautions, but alas it was too late.

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You had gotten ready in no time, texting Touya that you were about ready if he wanted to start to head over, to which he replied that he was almost there. You felt your stomach fill with butterflies at the thought of meeting the guy who had brought light back into your life and made you feel like you mattered once more. You were brought back to reality by the sound of your phone going off, letting you know you had a new text, of course, you weren’t surprised to see it was from Touya. He said he was outside and you said you were on your way out. You were smiling like an idiot as you made your way out of the apartment and down to the lobby and front door. As you were about to walk out he said he parked in the alley beside the apartment complex. You thought that was a little weird but shook off the feeling and went out the door and towards the alleyway.

As you approached the alleyway, you didn’t see any car nor did you see anyone either. You called out for Touya before you felt an arm wrap around you from behind.

“Hey Doll,” The voice whispered out and it didn’t take you long to piece that the voice belonged to Touya. You went to turn around, hoping that this was all some prank he was pulling on you, but instead, you were met with a face you didn’t recognize.

“Touya?” You whispered out, your voice cracking at the end, fear starting to settle, as you began to realize what was happening. You started to try and get out of his arm, but his grip on you only tightened. It was a time like this you wished you kept up the training Bakugou forced you to do back at UA.

“How now, little mouse, don’t fight. You’ll only make this harder than it needs to be.” He whispered in your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. You started to feel sick to your stomach and realized how big of an idiot you really were. Based on what you knew, you needed to get away or get help now, as your chances of survival decreased by half the moment you are taken away.

You opened your mouth to scream, but was quickly met with a cloth covering your mouth and nose. You tried to hold your breath and not fall victim to this man, but in the end, you failed. You felt the world slowly start to spin and everything starts to go black. The last thing you heard before you were met with total darkness was ‘Touya’ speaking. “Guess you wanted to do things the hard way.”

You woke up what felt like hours later with a massive headache. You tried to move only to realize you were bound to a pole. The room you were in was dark and it was hard to make out anything. You tried to make out some noise, to hopefully call for help or to grab the attention of your capture. You only were able to let out a small groan which wasn’t that loud but clearly loud enough as you heard a voice start to speak from within the darkness.

“Well, well, well. Finally, you are awake, was getting a bit worried for a moment there that the batch was too strong, and killed you.” The voice spoke and before you knew it you were blinded as light filled the room. Your eyes began to readjust and there you saw him, ‘Touya’. You tried to move away from him as he approached you, but you couldn’t, you were just stuck. He stood in front of you for a moment, looking down at you, as if you were beneath him, and honestly, at this moment, you were. He crouched down, making sure he was eye level with you, and slowly lifted his hand, placing it on your cheek. You tried to move your head away from his hand, but that did no good.

“Touya…” You whispered out, your throat dry, making it difficult to get any words out. You looked at him, only to see him pull his hand back before it collided with your cheek. You flinched and fought back the tears that you could feel forming.

“Don’t you dare ever call me that. You’re lucky I let you use it this long. It’s Dabi, do you understand?”

You quickly nodded, fear just continuing to grow. You needed to get out of here or at least find a way to call for help. You had the next few days off work so it would be a few days before anyone even noticed you were missing unless of course, your mother decided to drop in and check on you, but that was a slim chance. You tried to think through a plan, your thoughts drowning out Dabi’s voice. You kept trying to remember everything Bakugou and Kirishima taught you in case something like this happened, but your mind was just going blank.

You were drawn back into reality by a sharp pain on the other side of your face. You looked at Dabi, who appeared to be growing annoyed and pissed off. “Listen to me when I'm talking to you, got it? Trust me you don’t wanna mess with me or anyone else here. We will be your worst nightmare.” You nodded and looked down, too afraid to make eye contact with him. But at least you learned something, he wasn’t alone.

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The next few days were long and torturous. Dabi came to visit often, mostly to degrade you. You slowly began to piece together why you were here and who this group of people were, based on interactions you had with others that Dabi had mentioned on your first day. They were called the League of Villains, which you were familiar with, though you were told that heroes had handled and defeated them years prior, but clearly, that was all a lie. You questioned if the pros knew of this and secretly hoped and prayed that they did and someone would find you sooner than later. You could feel yourself growing weaker every day and as much as you tried to play the hero, it did no use. You were useless against Dabi and the league.

As days turned into weeks you could feel your mental state deteriorating, you won’t be able to hang in much longer. One particular day, one that was quite different than the rest before. You were left alone. No one came in to bring you some scraps and water, no one came to suck the life out of you. You just were met with silence, at least until you heard things crashing from up above. You assumed Twice or Toga had pissed off Dabi again and just ignored it, that was until you heard a familiar voice. A voice you hadn’t heard in so long and you were so grateful to hear it. You tried to call out and get the attention of those on the floor above, but you were weak and couldn’t muster anything louder than a whisper. You began to cry, knowing this was possibly the only chance you had to gain freedom and to be saved from the hell you were in. You kept trying to scream out, to call out for the pro heroes above, but nothing seemed to be working. Even as you heard someone fidget with the door handle at the top of the stairs, you couldn’t make enough noise to get anyone’s attention, at least so you thought.

The door eventually opened and the sound of footsteps came down the stairs. It was dark in the room and you were afraid it was Dabi and could feel your whole body begin to shake, your mind only thinking the worst. Had the heroes lost and you were forever stuck here, with the league. You were going to die here, you would never get to see Kirishima and Bakugou again. You would never be able to tell them how much you still loved them, how much you wanted to try again. You cried harder than you were before, when you felt a pair of hands touch your shoulder, you tried to move away before you heard a comforting voice.

“Y/N, is this you?” It was Kiri’s voice, you tried to let out a yes or something, but just nothing came out. “Dynamight, have you found the light switch yet, it’s hard to see who this is.” He spoke out into the dark, which you heard a voice grumble out, curses flying out. Suddenly the room filled with light and once your eyes adjusted you saw red eyes staring at you. He gave you a sad smile before telling you what he was about to do, as he moved to undo your bindings.

Everything started to happen too fast. You felt the bindings come undone and you were lifted off the ground. You could see Kirishima, or at this moment, Red Riot’s mouth moving but you couldn’t process what he was saying. You wrapped your arms around him tightly as he carried you out of the League’s base and to the ambulance that was waiting outside. He handed you off to the paramedics. You could tell he wanted to go with you, and you desperately wanted to call out to him, and to Bakugou to come with you. They were the only thing you wanted right now, but before you could, the doors slammed shut and your check-up began as you were taken to the hospital. You don’t remember much after that as you could feel your eyelids getting heavy as you passed out.

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Everything was bright, almost too bright and it hurt your eyes. You woke up in the hospital to the sunlight filling up your room. You could hear monitors beeping, letting you know that you were alive. You looked around and saw you were connected to a few machines as well as had an IV drip. And to your surprise, by the windows, you saw two men sleeping. The two men you had been yearning for, deep down, for some time. You cleared your throat, hoping to be able to get their attention, and it worked. Both of them shot up from the chairs, rushing to your side. You offered them both a small smile as they both just stared at you. It was silent for a moment before Kirishima excused himself to go get a doctor or nurse, to let them know you were awake. That just left you and Bakugou alone, and as glad as you were to see him, the last time you were alone with him, things didn’t go well. So needless to say, you were nervous. He glanced down at the bed and back at you as if he was asking permission to sit, so you moved your legs some so he had a room as he sat on the bed, his eyes never once leaving yours.

“Y/N, listen. I’m not good at this type of thing but I just want to say I’m sorry.” He shifted his eyes down, now staring at his hands. He was picking at the skin around his nails, his hands clearly shaking. “I’m sorry for how I treated you that day in the hospital, I shouldn’t have hit you. I’m sorry for making you feel so left out and like we...like I didn’t care or love you. Cause I did, and well still love you.” You tried to reach out and place your hand on him, but due to all the wiring and the IV, it was nearly impossible.

You watched him, as he kept messing with his fingers, his head down. “I worried about you when I got the word you were missing and fuck Y/N, my heart dropped when I heard the league had gotten a hold of you. My mind just kept replaying the last time I saw you, the last thing I did was hit you and I was so afraid that would be the last memory you would have of me, of us.” He turned his head, looking at you as tears ran down his face. You had never seen him this upset before, not like this. He was never one to truly express emotions the same way as others did, so seeing him in this state, made you just want to comfort him. To let him know you forgave him for the wrongdoings, and most importantly that you still loved him more than anything else. But you didn’t get the chance as the door to your room opened as a doctor and Kirishima walked into the room.

You watched Bakugou quickly wipe away the tears on his face and move to the other side of the room, where Kiri soon joined him. The doctor went over everything but you couldn’t focus on what he was saying, you only kept glancing over at the two men across the room. You were going to be in the hospital a little longer, just to make sure you were truly fine, which you weren’t looking forward to. After the doctor left, both of the men stared at you, none of you saying a word. You worked up the strength and courage to speak up, quickly taking a small sip of the water nearby.

“Eijiro...Katsuki..” You spoke out, your voice shaky, just barely above a whisper, but they both still heard you as they made their way towards you. You felt tears start to well up in your eyes as you looked at them. “I...I’ve missed you both so much.” That was all you managed to get out before you started sobbing. Kiri gently wrapped you in a hug as Bakugou held one of your hands. You tried to get more words out, but the tears kept coming and you just could not form any words. The three of you stayed like that for a while, just comforting each other, putting all of your hearts at ease for the first time in a while.

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You were discharged from the hospital in no time and slowly readjusted to normal life once again. You weren’t allowed to return to work quite yet, which did throw off your routine a bit, but it just gave you a chance to settle back into a safe environment. Which was a lot harder than you thought. During the day, things were fine and you went about your day, but by the time night settled, you couldn’t fall asleep without having nightmares from your time with Dabi and the league. And though, the three of you had started to form a friendship again, you were nervous to call them up during the late hours. Worried that you would be waking them from a well-deserved rest or from a patrol. There was also a part of you that was afraid of being pushed away once more, the fear of being the third wheel or shoved aside just to keep up an image, you weren’t ready for that heartache again.

One night, in particular, it got worse. You woke up to yourself screaming and crying, your body completely drenched in sweat. Before you could even process what you were doing, you grabbed your phone and texted the group chat you were in with the two of them. You were quick to receive a message back, but before you could fully read it, your phone started to ring as Bakugou was calling you. You answered the phone, hearing both of the men on the other line, asking if you were okay. All you could do was cry out before they said they were on their way over. Kirishima talked to you on the phone the entire time, as you learned Bakugou was driving. You couldn’t process or even fully comprehend everything that was being said, it even took you several moments to understand that you needed to go let them into your apartment once they arrived.

You let them in, and it took no time for both of them to be at your side, comforting you any way they could. Kirishima tried rubbing your back and offering affection and his support that way, while Bakugou sat beside you, whispering that he was there to listen when you were ready to talk about it. It took a while, but eventually, you calmed down. You quietly thanked them both for coming over, not sure what else to say or do, as you didn’t want to talk about the nightmare, even if it would do more good to do so. It was just difficult, to form into words and then not be seen as weak or receive pity for how you were feeling. You bid them goodbye and thanked them again for coming over, as you made your way to the kitchen to make some tea, as you had decided to stay up a bit longer, afraid of what twisted things awaited you once you closed your eyes.

You weren’t in the kitchen very long before you saw two figures walk in and join you, causing you to sigh. “You two can leave, I’m fine now.” You said, carefully putting the kettle on the stove, before turning it on. It was quiet for a moment or two before one of them spoke up, breaking the silence.

“Y/N, don’t push us away, talk to us. We wanna help any way we can, even if it is just listening to what is going on in your mind.” You recognized the voice to be Kirishima’s and you swiftly turned around. Your emotions were all over the place, due to lack of sleep, and the images of the nightmare still fresh in your mind. “If anyone has the right to be pushed away, it’s you two. You both shoved me away, don’t you remember. And just because we are talking again doesn’t mean I’m going to be stupid enough to spill out everything to you both again.” The words spilled out, and though you didn’t mean for it all to come out so aggressive and filled with venom, it did. You were tired, hurting, and trying to recover from the things that had happened to you. It didn’t excuse you for what you were doing right now, but you had the right to speak your mind and speak the truth.

“Y/N..” Bakugou started to speak, but you shut him down.

“No, don’t you dare ‘Y/N’ me. I can forgive you for some of the shit you both did to me, but it doesn’t mean I am going to just let you back in and trust you with my entire being, how can I? Even if I tried to explain it all to you, you wouldn’t even understand, want to know why? Because it’s always Kirishima and Bakugou, having each other’s back. Kiri and Bakugou protecting each other from everything. Red Riot and Dynamight are always there for each other, no matter what. So just do me a favor and leave.” You let out a sigh as you finished talking, hoping they would just turn and leave, yet they stood there not saying a word. If you had more sleep and were in a better place, this situation won’t upset you, but right now it made you angry.

The two of them just standing in front of you, silently, filled you with rage. You couldn’t explain why, maybe it was from the lack of sleep or maybe it was because the three of you had yet to really address what had happened all those months ago. You quickly turned the stove off as the kettle whistled, leaving the water on the stove, no longer wanting it.

“It used to be us, Eijiro, Katsuki, and Y/N, back in UA. We were inseparable and sure we had issues but we always talked about them. Then you two were heroes and rising up the charts and I was left in the dust. And then it was more of you two, and I was the third wheel. Fuck, you two didn’t even care when I left after ‘Suki proposed. You could have stopped me or called or something, but I was met with silence. Just like I’m being met with the same silence now, you both are here but it’s almost as if you aren’t at the same time. It’s like the both of you two are completely blinded by everything going on with other people.” You made your way out of the kitchen and made your way to the couch. You sat down and all at once everything that just happened and what you said to hit you, hard. You didn’t regret what you said, for it was the truth, though you were sure you could have phrased or worded it better. A few moments later, both of the boys were on the couch, sitting on either side of you. It was silent once more before one of them spoke out.

“Listen Y/N, we should have talked about this sooner, as it’s obvious now that what happened months ago is still affecting how you see and view both of Katsuki and I.” Kirishima started speaking, you waited for Bakugou to chirp in some smart-ass response, but he was silent, allowing the red-haired man to continue speaking. “We should have reached out to you sooner after you left. Fuck Y/N, we should have reached out and spoken to you the moment we thought you were pushing us away. We were stupid for not doing so and there isn’t anything I can say that’ll make it better or not sound like some sorry excuse. You deserved better, you still do, whether that is from us or not.”

Kirishima stopped and looked at Bakugou, who was quick to join in. “We were, and still are dumbasses, as you’ve probably noticed. And I know, we should have reached out to you sooner, I should have talked to you sooner. I should have explained the whole engagement thing to you before it happened, or even told you that day in the hospital. You were our partner, and we totally excluded you.”

You lifted your head, glancing at both of the men, thoughts running through your mind. You had questions that needed answers, questions that for weeks after the initial breakup kept you awake most nights. You cleared your throat before asking the first question, the biggest one you had. “Why didn’t either of you call or text? Why did it take weeks upon weeks to hear from you Katsuki and Eijiro?” You could see them both exchange looks before Bakugou started speaking again.

“Truth be told, I didn’t notice the note until a few days after you were long gone. I figured you were working extra shifts and work was keeping you busy. When I saw the note, I was pissed and hurt and just assumed you would come back and when it became clear you weren’t I blamed you for leaving, I didn’t want to think it was my fault. I ended up coming to the hospital, hoping to sort things out and well, we know how that went.” He nervously chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. You turned your attention back to your hands, trying to keep yourself grounded as you felt a part of your heart break. You wanted answers and knew you won’t like what you hear, but god you didn’t expect it to hurt this badly.

“I was hardly home for a while after you left. I got busy with hero work and taking in students for work-study, I just slept at my office. ‘Suki texted me while I was at work, saying I needed to come home. He found the note, and I wanted to go after you, but I thought maybe time apart would do us some good, and well, I figured you would come back. After the incident at the hospital that you and Katsuki had, I needed time. And when I was ready to talk, I expected you to be with your parents, and after some explaining to your mom, she told me where to find you.” He paused for a moment, before quickly adding in, “Speaking of your mother, she is quite a fierce woman, to say the least.”

The room filled with silence once more, causing you to drift into your thoughts. So you got the answers on why it took weeks for them to come to talk to you about the note, but they never explained why they didn’t text or even call, which just hurt you more.

“Why didn’t you call or text, you didn’t answer that part, and I need to know.” You practically cried out, looking between both of them, watching as their heads fell. The room filled with silence before Kiri spoke out, he was quiet and you couldn’t make out anything he said, you asked him to repeat and instead had Bakugou practically yell out.

“We didn’t know what the fuck to say dumbass.” That was all he said before it filled with silence once again. You wanted to speak up, tell them both they could have said anything, just something to let you know they cared and mattered to them, and without hesitation, you did just that.

“You could have sent anything, I wouldn’t have cared what the hell you said. Just a sign from either of you would have been enough. I left because you pushed me away, I was the third wheel and I hoped that maybe with me leaving that you both would realize your mistakes and come running after me. Pleading through texts and calls to come home, but instead, I was met with silence.” You stopped, feeling tears run down your cheek, silently cursing at yourself. You wanted to be strong through this, but you couldn’t. “I fucking loved you both and thought you felt the same, but it became very clear that you didn’t.”

“Y/N…” They both started to speak out, tears starting to form in both of their eyes.

“No, I don’t wanna hear it, you can’t fix that now, it’s too late. And god to top it all off, you both are engaged, and I had to find out with the rest of the fucking country. My own boyfriends engaged as I was at home clueless, never hearing a word about it.” You were quickly cut off by Bakugou who had started to speak over you.

“I didn’t have time to talk about it with you, the commission made me. They wanted something big and exciting in the news, and since fucking Deku is always shining, they wanted us to bring some news. They told me to go get a ring and propose, and I can’t argue with them, they do control my job!”

You just stared at Bakugou, unable to form any sentences or coherent thought, for that matter. Sure, you understood that he had no choice, but you just wished he would still have talked to you about it, even if it was a quick text 30 seconds before the entire country saw it. You just wished and wanted things to be different or even how they were before you all were adults and they were pro heroes, but that would never happen, and you knew that. You all sat in the living room for a while, no words exchanged, just silence. You eventually caught yourself dozing off as the sun started to peek through the curtains and for once you just let your body rest.

You woke up hours later, content to have gotten some sleep, nightmare free. You glanced around and didn’t see or hear either man in the house, meaning they left while you slept. You knew they had to, they were heroes, but you still wanted them here. You wanted to apologize and just...no that would be silly. You pushed the thought away, and got up from the couch, stretching and going into the kitchen. Upon entering you were surprised to see Bakugou at the stove, scrambling some eggs. You cleared your throat and he turned around and offered you a small smile, which was a rare sight, even for how close you two once were.

“I’m not sure how good these will be, but I figured this would be a good start to make things up to you and to apologize.” He spoke softly, staring at you before turning his attention back to the stove. “Oh, Kiri, went to the store to grab a few things, he should be back soon.” He said, almost as if he knew you were curious as to where the other was.

“‘Suki, don’t you have work today? Correction, don’t you both have work?” You questioned, going to the fridge and pouring yourself some juice before sitting at the table.

“We both called off. We called off for a while actually, on-call if any huge villain attack happens but everyone will be fine for a while without Red Riot and Dynamight. Eijiro would be better at this than me, but we know we can’t fix the past and what we did and how we treated you, but we want to make up for it. We want you to know we still love and care for you, that you matter to us.” He spoke, his voice growing quieter as he went on, but you still heard every word to it. You went to go speak up, but you were cut off by the front door opening and Kirishima walking in.

He walked into the kitchen, bags in his hands, and smiled at you before apologizing for taking the key to your apartment. You smiled at him, chuckling, letting him know it was okay. The two of them finished making breakfast, a huge one at that, before joining you at the table where you all ate. Things wouldn’t be easy, but for now, you knew this was a start.

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Weeks had passed and both pro heroes had practically stayed at your apartment the entire time. You enjoyed the time with them as you had truly missed this You had missed them so much more than you realized. And you knew that soon they would have to return to their own apartment and return to the life of being a full-time hero, but at the moment you didn’t want it to end. Sleeping became easier with them near, as the nightmares slowly became fewer and farther apart. You knew they couldn’t cure what happened or your mind, and you may always experience nightmares about all that happened with Dabi, but with them? With the two of them, it was so much easier to handle, for you weren’t alone. You were by two people who you had come to love again, and a part of you could only hope they felt the same about you.

You were all cuddling in bed, just talking and laughing about who knows what, when Bakugou broke the news. He told you he had to return to work tomorrow and Kiri the day after. You couldn’t help it and just cried, both of them holding you close. You knew this was coming but it still hurt. Both of the heroes comforted you the best they could, calming you down, whispering promises of staying in contact and visiting often. It then crossed your mind and with tear-filled eyes, you looked at them both and realized it had crossed theirs as well. The big question, what were you three. Would they even allow or want to be in a relationship with you or was this all some platonic friendly thing happening between you three.

“Katsuki? Eijiro? What….what are we?” You whispered quietly, and for a moment you weren’t sure if they heard you. You had begun to get nervous as you waited for some sort of answer. You were caught off guard by Bakugou chuckling and you turned yourself so you were looking at him. “And what is so funny?” Slightly offended with why he thought now was the perfect time to laugh. You were asking a perfectly reasonable question, that had to be on all your minds.

“God Y/N, you are such a dumbass. I don’t know if I speak for Kiri over there, but I assumed we were dating again. Like I know platonic cuddles are a thing, but uhh when have I been known to do that?” He laughed even more as you pushed your up and out of the arms of the men. He had a fair point, you couldn’t argue with that.

A smile formed on your face as you looked between the two, “Well that’s good to hear, I wanna be with you both again. If you’ll have me, of course.” At this point, they were also sitting up and staring at you, a cheesy grin on both of their faces. They both nodded and you started grinning from ear to ear. “That’s good to know, means I can finally do this again,” you spoke quickly before kissing them both.

The road ahead of you three won’t be easy, and there were bound to be challenges you all would face just like before. But this time, you all were prepared and could better handle anything that was thrown at you.

Taglist: @candybabey @peachiikichu

[northlight14]

Not so alone after all

After a lot of enbyphobic comments are made in Virgils class, zie retreat to the bathroom to have a panic attack. Zie is then found by a student who is able to help zim though it.

TW: enbyphobia, internalized enbyphobia, panic attacks, cursing

 Ships: analogical (platonic or romantic)

Virgil wandered into zir biology lesson, already ready for it to be over. Zie didn’t exactly hate the lesson but it was second last period and zie sat with enough assholes to make the lesson unbearable. At this point, Virgil just really wanted to go home.

 Virgil took zir seat and silently waited for the lesson to start as the other students came pouring in, speaking loudly over each other as they did so. The teacher, Miss Richie, did the register and then got on with todays topic: DNA. Virgil half paid attention as the teacher went on.

 Eventually, Miss Richie started talking about chromosomes. “There are only 2 combinations of chromosomes, XX and XY. Your chromosomes are the thing that determine your gender.” That bit really pissed Virgil off. Zie got that this was high school biology and things have to be massively simplified but that was just straight-up incorrect, on multiple levels. There were so many other types of chromosome combinations and even if there weren’t, chromosomes have never dictated gender. Heck, they sometimes didn’t even dictate the persons biological sex! Zie considered for a moment saying something, but zir anxiety decided against it.

 A boy sitting in the back of the class raised his hand “Miss, what about trans people and all that?” Virgil suddenly felt uneasy. Zie knew all too well the opinions of zir classmates and this conversation could only lead to a bad road.

 “Well, trans people can have surgeries to change their outward appearance but the chromosomes can’t be changed.” Miss Richie answered simply. Virgil prayed that would be the end of it. Zie had only recently been able to admit to zirself that zie’s genderqueer and the idea of telling anyone else made zim feel like all the air had been knocked out of zir lungs. Virgil also knew that zie had a long way to go towards self-acceptance. That means that any ignorant comments would be made without the knowledge that they were talking about someone in room (not like that ever-stopped ignorant teens before) and zie definitely didn’t have the confidence to not be affected by whatever was said.

 All zie could do was hope the universe would leave zim alone this once. But, of course, the universe just couldn’t give zim a break, could it?

 “Miss, do you agree with those people who say there are more that 2 genders?” Virgil felt zirself freeze at that, cautiously waiting for the teachers answer.

 “Well, people are born biologically either male or female. However, how someone feels is different from that.” That last part was cut out by the class practically yelling their views on the subject.

 “Yeah I think there’s only 2” said the boy who originally asked the question.

 “It’s basic biology” said another girl.

 “Yeah, I identify as an attack helicopter” joked the guy sitting next to Virgil.

 And Virgil knew, zie knew, that what they were saying was all bullshit. Just a bunch of high schoolers making comments about something they were uneducated on and likely recycling what their parents had taught them. But knowing that didn’t stop all the air leaving Virgil’s lungs. It didn’t stop the shaking of zir hands in zir pockets. It didn’t stop the tears threatening to roll past zir eyes, risking making zim look like an idiot and outing zim to the whole class.

 Miss Richie continued with the lesson but Virgil wasn’t paying attention. Zie was too focused on getting zir breathing under control while simultaneously trying to mask zir distress from the rest of the class. Virgil just desperately wanted to leave, get as far away from this room and these people as possible. But zie knew it would look too suspicious if zie asked to go to the bathroom right after what had just been said. So zie just sat there until the lesson was over before quickly shoving all zir stuff in zir bag and dashing off to the nearest bathroom.

 There didn’t seem to be anyone in there (although it was kind of hard to tell as the edges of zir sight were very blurry) so zie collapsed against the wall and slid zir back down to sit on the floor. Virgil gasped for air but it didn’t seem to be much use. Not with zir brain screaming at them.

 You’re going to have to see a lot of those students for last period!

What’s gonna happen next biology lesson?!

Or when you come out?!

Why are you even having an anxiety attack over this?!

You’re just being an attention seeker!

You’re probably not even genderqueer! You’re probably just a cis guy wanting to be special!

 Virgil was crying now, hugging zir legs close to zir chest and hiding zir face.

 Pathetic! You’re so pathetic!

“Hey, are you alright?” a sudden voice caused Virgil’s head to snap up. Zie was met with concerned navy-blue eyes framed by their rectangle glasses.

 Virgil wasn’t entirely sure zie could speak right now so zie shook zir head quickly. The stranger (Virgil vaguely recognized them, but the panic and tears made it difficult to see clearly) knelt down in front of zim.

 “Is it alright if I touch you?” Virgil slowly nodded, trying to focus on the calming, monotone voice. Zie felt a hand gently touch zir knee and begin to rub calming circles. “I want you to breath with me, ok? In for 4 seconds…” Virgil recognized this breathing pattern but was grateful to have someone guide zim through it. The first time Virgil didn’t quite manage to hold zir breath for the full 7 seconds but the other student adjusted accordingly and continued, Virgil managing the second time around. Soon, zie felt zirself breathing on zir own without much difficulty.

 Zie felt the stranger pull away and Virgil was able to get a proper look at them. Now zie could see the specs of light in their dark ocean eyes, few freckles along their nose were magnified by their glasses. Their dress sense was very formal, at least compared to Virgil who wore the same purple patched hoodie basically every day. Their tie was tied perfectly and matched their eyes. This was contrasted with their black polo shirt. Their dark brown hair was also brushed neatly.

 “Are you feeling better now” they asked.

 “Uh, yeah I think so. Um…thanks for helping…um?” Virgil mumbled.

 “-Logan and it was no problem. My younger brother struggles with anxiety attacks so I know what to do in these situations.”

 Logan stood up and offered Virgil a hand which zie accepted. Zie caught zir appearance in the mirror, slightly horrified at the sight of zir blood-shot eyes, red cheeks and black eye shadow running down zir face. Zie wasted no time in grabbing a makeup wipe from zir bag and attempting to make zirself look slightly presentable.

 “I don’t believe I got your name.” Virgil chuckled slightly to zirself at how formal the student spoke.

 “It’s Virgil.”

 Logan nodded. “Well Virgil, do you wish to talk about what caused you to have an anxiety attack?” Virgil immediately froze. Sure, Logan seemed chill but what if they were actually transphobic?! Or told everyone?! Or a teacher?! What if the teacher or someone else then told zir parents?! Even if they were cool, zie wasn’t ready to come out to anyone yet!

 Logan must have sensed zir hesitation because they followed it up with “If you do not wish to talk about it, that’s fine. However, I am here if you need me.”

 “Thanks.” Virgil answered simply, starting to be reminded of the reality of zir life. That zie was a lonely, questioning genderqueer in a catholic school filled with cishets, most of them who would be ready and willing to beat zim up if they knew. Sure, zie knew a few queer people but no one who was also nonbinary. The more Virgil thought about it, the more isolated zie started to feel.

 “Do you wish me to escort you to class?” Logan asked, taking zim out of zir thoughts.

 “Oh, um, no. It’s alright.” Virgil said, kind of awkwardly, scratching the back of zir neck.

 “Very well.” Logan nodded, picking up their backpack, which had been resting beside them. It was then that Virgil noticed it. A yellow, white, purple and black badge with “he/they” written on it. Virgil stared at it, stunned. Zie slowly started to feel a warmness and sense of belonging growing in zir chest.

 “Is there a problem?” Logan asked, sounding slightly confused.

 “What? Oh, no!” Virgil said quickly before smiling to zirself. “No problem at all.”

 Huh, Virgil thought to zirself guess I’m not so alone after all.

Reblogs > likes

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Pretty Girl | Damian Wayne

✦ pairing — older!Damian Wayne x Plus Size Reader (she/her)

✦ word count — 3.9k

✦ request — I was wondering a Older Damien Wayne x plus size shy reader, where they were friends since young and were each other’s first and broken up. Now older they meet up at their high school reunion and maybe Damien still loves her and her being a shy, jealous person when meeting his date. And idk if you do this but if so maybe smut after the end

✦ warnings — angst, a little bit of jealousy, nsfw, smut, it’s talked about beforehand but still: unprotected sex (please don’t do this), vaginal sex, oral sex (female receiving), fluff.

❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎・・・・・❖︎

You were regretting having let Jon convince you to attend a high school reunion. There wasn’t a single person you wanted to see that you hadn’t met up with prior to the event.

Jon said it would be a good opportunity to relive fun experiences. He promised he’d be with you the entire time. And he kept his promise — until Damian arrived.

Your anxiety spiked up, Jon could hear it clearly. He could also hear Damian’s heartbeat when he saw you. Swallowing harshly upon realizing the youngest member of the Wayne family had brought a date, you excused yourself.

Both Jon and Damian followed you with their eyes. Jon shook his head, aware of what was going on. He of course couldn’t burst into the bathroom and console you, Jon had done it a few times throughout high school when Damian wasn’t around for whatever reason and your nerves got the best of you but this time it would look like something else since you guys had arrived together.

Ever the shy sweet girl, you had often told him he shouldn’t worry. But Jon cared, and he could see how the predicament of physically following you was tearing Damian apart too.

Jon greeted Damian and his date curtly, only with a nod. Glaring at his best friend, he motioned for him to follow him to a more private area.

Faking a smile, Damian asked his date to wait for him.

“What do you think you are doing?!”

“Attending the reunion you told me I couldn’t skip. I assumed you would be happy.”

“You’re so full of crap.” Jon shook his head, crossing his arms against his chest. He had always been able to read Damian like a book, the same way Clark did with Bruce — his powers helped, but he didn’t need them, not when Damian was more expressive than he presumed.

Damian gave it all away by staring at the hallway, fixing his eyes on the door he had hidden behind with you multiple times.

“Aaaaand you’re a moron,” Jon added.

He would never say it out loud, but Damian knew Jon was right. Walking past his best friend, whom he genuinely adored and appreciated, Damian went back to his date. She was chatting up with people like she had known them for years.

They quieted down when he arrived, solemnly nodding their heads in attempts of greeting him respectfully. He searched the room for your best friend, forgetting that she had moved out for college and never returned to Gotham.

He acknowledged his date by name, “Would you do me a favor?”

Nodding, she listened carefully as he guided her away from the curious people.

You wondered if there was something wrong with you. Not with the way you looked or anything like that, just… just with you. Shyness had never gone away like your parents hoped when you were a child, and it had never bothered you until now.

Your chest tightened more and more at a fast pace. It felt different from anything you had experienced before. Huffing out, you leaned on your forearms against the skin and looked at your reflection in the mirror.

A blurry face was the only thing you found. Blinking rapidly, your reflection only turned blurrier. The bathroom felt hot, you would have broken into a sweat if you hadn’t been wearing a dress.

The bathroom door creaked open, startling you. You had expected to see a former classmate, giving you a tight smile and a pitiful look. You would’ve preferred that.

Damian’s date closed the door behind her. “Are you alright?” her voice was gruff, but you could tell the question had been genuine.

You nodded, avoiding her eyes. “The second stall is the best,” you murmured.

She ignored your comment and went straight to the point. “Could you please come out?”

How dare Jon send her to convince you? Hadn’t he realized the reason you couldn’t stay there was because you were miserably jealous?

The door opened again, that time you saw the ex-cheerleader captain enter. As you had predicted, she smiled at you and gave you a pitiful look — her eyes focused on the woman accompanying you for a fleeting moment, in how different the two of you were.

Feeling your throat lock up, you nodded again at Damian’s date. She opened the door for you, letting you out first.

Damian was outside the bathroom, with his hands behind his back and his attention solely on the door. His date walked past him without sparing him a glance, but you couldn’t.

You had never been able to ignore him and his magnetic aura, the hope of that changing vanished the second you saw him enter the gymnasium.

Unconsciously, you looked for Jon. It was unusual for him not to be around Damian. Feeling the familiar weight of Damian’s gaze on your face, you stood beside him.

“She’s pretty,” you told him honestly in a rasp, avoiding his eyes.

She was, everyone thought so. He felt shitty for bringing her there, not because he had lied to her or anything but because he had been right and you would react harshly. It was all he wanted, a reaction from you, a sign no matter how small that you were still interested.

“Jon’s not ugly,” he countered, fully aware that you weren’t dating his best friend.

Shrugging, you put more distance between the two of you. “Have a nice evening,” you wished him before walking away.

You couldn’t do it. Being around him hurt more than it should have. Relationships ended all the time, yours had expired because that was how life worked. There hadn’t been bad blood between you, but now you wished it had.

When you entered the bathroom to stay away from the gorgeous couple you partially had done so to make up an excuse to leave. Jon wouldn’t believe it, but he could never stay mad at you so it didn’t matter.

Still having feelings for a high school sweetheart was something out of romantic comedies. Everything about your relationship with Damian had been, to be completely honest. Childhood friends, the popular guy and the shy chubby girl, a sad break up that she didn’t get over of when he had moved on.

You had dated people after him, but every relationship had fizzled out for a reason. And the reason was green eyes and cocky smiles. You had lied to yourself and blamed it on your social skills, you weren’t outgoing enough and it was a turn-off for some — but the truth, the truth was worse, it had never been a turn-off nor a problem for anyone because you knew how to choose your partners. They simply weren’t Damian Wayne.

Waving goodbye at Jon from afar, you failed to notice you were being followed until you reached the parking lot.

“(Y/N), come on.”

You had missed the tone he used when saying your name. It hadn’t changed since you last heard it.

“I have things to—“

“You can't lie to me,” Damian cut you off.

“Uhmmm, could you just… leave me alone?”

He knew you didn’t mean it. “No.” Damian grabbed you from the wrist upon seeing the hesitance on your face. “Can we talk?”

“Not a good idea.”

He hated your short answers and the fact that you didn’t seem to trust him anymore. Fuck, he should’ve listened to Jon. To Jon from all people in his life!

“Please? There’s a new coffee shop nearby, it won’t take long.”

“I don’t want your girlfriend to think anything bad.”

Damian sighed deeply. He would sound pathetic. Fuck it. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

Oh. So he had fully moved on, then.

He saw heartbreak in your shifty eyes and couldn’t stop regret from overwhelming him. You weren’t able to speak, too surprised by the revelation to try and hide it anymore. She was everything you envisioned him with, pretty and mysterious with smooth skin and cold eyes.

God, maybe you had never been enough for his standards and now it was catching up on you. Or maybe his taste had changed. Either way, you couldn’t do anything about it.

Snatching your hand off his grip, you continued your path toward the street. Your legs felt heavy as you crossed the parking lot, like they used to after having to do a presentation in front of the entire class when you were a teenager.

The difference was that Damian had been there to steady you. He’d always tell you how well everything had gone and how proud he was — no one believed he could be that tender or attentive but you had seen it with your own eyes and felt it at every level of the word.

He hadn’t tried to run after you this time. A part of you had wished for it to happen, it would have been nice to not feel like you were drowning in your one-sided very much alive romantic feelings. Who even loves someone for that long?! You had never thought it would be possible, how could it when Damian and you had fallen out of love? Turns out only he had.

You reached your apartment complex in one piece, walking slower than you had intended and forcing yourself not to cry. The empty elevator, usually comforting, felt way too big.

As the doors slid open, you stepped outside with the intention of calling your best friend. Telling her she had been right would be everything but fun, and telling her it would have been easier if she was there would hurt.

Turning the lights on, you kicked your shoes off and walked directly to the kitchen. You needed a glass of wine — or the entire bottle, yes, that.

“Did you really forget to doublecheck for intruders like I taught you?”

You jumped, dropping the glass in your grasp. Damian was behind you in a second, apologizing for startling you.

“What are you doing here?”

Glass shards crushed under his shoes as he shifted. “I need to talk to you.”

You stood on your toes, trying not to hurt yourself as you stared down at the shattered cup to assess how to get away from the shards without touching Damian.

“Could you uh… move?”

“Will you leave me here standing like an idiot?”

It took you a moment to shake your head.

As you cleaned, he snooped around. He had never been inside your apartment. Damian had been about to drop by once, but he decided it would be for the best if he stayed away. He had only lied to himself with good intentions that hurt him more in the long term.

He still kept tabs on you. His siblings laughed, saying he was whipped after all those years. Only his father understood the way he felt, perhaps because Bruce himself had gone through that with Selina or because he was glad his son was finally comfortable with being human and the vulnerability it came with. The truth was more simple: he cared about you and there was nothing he could do to stop that.

Every time he had heard you were dating someone else it broke his heart. He had dated around too, but much less than you had — he didn’t have time for non-committing relationships, and he didn’t want a committed relationship with anyone but you.

“Did you hurt yourself?” he asked when you joined him in the living room.

“No,” you mumbled.

That should have been the moment where you offered him something to drink, but you were hoping the visit wouldn’t extend for more than five minutes.

Damian wasn’t sure how to touch upon the subject. Small talk wasn’t his thing and you had always felt uncomfortable with it so that wasn’t an option. Why couldn’t he just say it bluntly? That was his specialty, you had always giggled at how unsubtle he was.

“I still love you.”

“Is that why you’re getting married?”

“What?” Fuck, he had been such an idiot for not explaining himself with the proper words. “I am not.”

“Oh.” You made a pause, staring down at your lap where you let your hands drop. “Well, you took her as your date to something important and you said she wasn’t your girlfriend so…”

He didn’t consider a high school reunion as important, but he easily kept that to himself. “I thought you would take someone else when Jon told me you would be there,” he explained, “I didn’t want to look like an idiot in front of everybody, that’s it.”

Well, he made you look like one instead.

Damian rounded the coffee table in the middle of the living room to sit down next to you.

“Look at me?” You denied him. “(Y/N).” Still no reaction. “Beloved, please?”

Your breath hitched. His heart almost melted right there. Carefully, Damian placed his knuckles under your chin and pushed it upward. He then softly cupped your cheek, feeling the acceleration of your heart rate as your jugular jumped under the tip of his middle finger.

You finally stared into his eyes. Hundreds of times you had gotten lost in them — before your first kiss, throughout the first time he made love to you, the first time you were introduced as his girlfriend… his eyes had always grounded you while letting you drown in them.

“Tell me you still love me,” he pleaded.

“I don’t think I have to say it,” you admitted. It was painfully obvious he still knew you perfectly.

“I need to hear it.”

Not strong enough to deny him, you whispered, “I still love you.”

His mouth was on yours immediately. He kissed you fervently as his free hand rested on your thigh while one of your own flew to the back of his neck. Damian was elated with the effusiveness you were kissing him back, holding his head in place and taking control of the kiss completely.

It had been so long since he had you for the last time that he had forgotten what arousal really felt like. His senses were too alive as your tongue explored his mouth, dizzying him with every sigh that escaped you.

Your fingers trailed down his torso, slowly yet firm. He caressed your thigh, so soft and tempting. He couldn’t wait to sink his teeth on them again. In consequence, the bruising kiss came to an end — you bit down his bottom lip, pulling on it as you stared into his eyes.

Damian grunted, withdrawing his hand from your face to grip your waist. Your hands slid down in reaction, the one on his nape to his back and the one on his stomach to his crotch. His bulge twitched under the weight of your warm palm.

He sighed your name, aching for your touch. It was borderline pathetic how easily you got him going. You leaned in to kiss his jaw, not taking your hand off his crotch but not applying more pressure either — Damian moved his head so he could kiss you on the mouth, impatient to get more of you.

“You don’t know how much I want you,” he interrupted the kiss to say, wet mouth on top of yours as he spoke.

You giggled, cupping his bulge. “I think I do.”

His grunt sent chills down your spine. Damian’s grip on your waist tightened as he pushed you to lay down on the couch. His lips were immediately on yours again, sloppily kissing you while his palms dragged up your thighs. Reaching the rim of your skirt, he stopped to ask for permission to lift it.

You granted it to him, nodding as your nose brushed his. He slipped his hands under the material first, taking his time to trace your thighs.

“I missed you so much,” he said against your jaw before dragging his lips down your neck.

You angled your neck, giving him as much access as he needed. Feeling his smile on your skin, you started to unbutton his shirt, struggling to get past the middle. Damian’s fingers brushed your clothed core, making you whine loudly.

Bunching your skirt up, he pressed his knuckles against your core, using his other hand to hold the skirt so it wouldn’t fall. You pushed him off you, sitting up and eventually standing off the couch.

Assessing you would take the dress off, Damian finished the job you had started with his shirt, with urgency, throwing it to the side. He was about to start undoing his pants when he caught the sight in front of him.

There had always been something stupidly hot about seeing you in mismatched underwear. You looked down at your body, just to check what it was he was staring at. You hadn’t really paid attention to what you were wearing when you left the apartment, too unmotivated to attend the reunion to really care. It had ended up playing in your favor. Good one, (Y/N).

The sound of his pants being unzipped ignited something in the pit of your stomach. Out of reflex, you rubbed your legs against each other.

You assumed he would stand up when he kicked his shoes off and discarded his pants, but Damian instead got into his knees, placing his hands on your back. Trailing open-mouthed kisses over your thigh, from the outside to the inside, he pulled your panties down, giving you mere seconds to kick them to the side. He used to finger you first, but this time around he skipped it — probably because you were too aroused already. Pulling you toward his face as he grabbed you by the ass, his mouth latched onto your clit.

Gasping in pleasure at the sensation of his tongue licking a stripe from your clit to your entrance, you gripped his hair. Damian buried his face between your thighs, letting you pull him as closely as you needed. His nose bumped against your clit, tongue dipping into your entrance.

You moaned his name, tugging on his hair. He swiped his tongue upward, shifting his face to now suck on your clit. Your hand slid down to the base of his neck to which you held onto, closing your eyes tightly when his finger brushed your entrance from behind.

“Okay,” you breathlessly said, pulling his face from between your thighs. “I need you.”

Teasing you was far from his head. Damian jumped to his feet, meeting your mouth in a needy kiss as he guided you back to the couch. You tasted yourself in his hot tongue, parting from him only to find you weren’t satisfied and kissing him again.

Damian almost ripped his underwear off, too eager to really care. Kneeling between your thighs, he stared down at you as he asked, “Condom?”

“Pill,” you assured him, a little abashed. “Unless you’re not—“

“I’m clean.”

“Cool.”

He snorted, brushing his tip up and down your slit as he held his shaft on his hand. “Ready?”

You nodded, bucking your hips up and pursing your lips in excitement. Damian entered you slowly, leaning over at the same pace. With his face in your cleavage, he waited for you to get used to him again.

“Fuck,” he cursed through a groan. You were warm around him, walls clenching up in reflex as your chest heaved over his face.

Placing your hands on his biceps, you whispered for him to move. He complied, huffing in pleasure on your skin. Sucking on the uncovered parts of your chest, Damian let his hands trace your sides for a moment.

It wasn’t enough for either of you. He shifted, leaving a kiss on your lips as he pulled away from your torso. Still connected with you, Damian gripped your hips and started a quicker pace.

Grabbing your thighs, he pulled you closer to have you rest your calves on his shoulders. The new angle made you squeal. He would draw blood from his bottom lip if he continued biting, but he couldn’t stop himself. His initial plan had been to take his time but it was getting harder to follow said plan.

Gripping the edge of the back of the couch, you gazed up at him. “It’s okay,” you breathed out, “go faster.”

You didn’t have to tell him twice, Damian pulled his hips back only to slam into you. You had really missed the burn only he could give you, rocking into you faster the more you tightened around him.

He ghosted your clit with his thumb, circling it lightly as he found a rhythm with his hips. Cursing as you arched your back, you bucked against his thumb and cock.

His moans were like music to your ears, eyes clenched shut and Adam’s Apple bobbing as his thrusts grew sloppy. Your head fell back with a particularly deep thrust, the strangled moan coming out of your mouth only prompting him to move his thumb faster.

He had you leaving out a string of whimpers rather quickly. Your reaction went straight to his cock, ragging his breathing as your walls clenched at every stroke of his cock against them.

Opening his eyes as he felt sweat drip down the side of his face, Damian hovered over your equally sweaty body, kissing you through your orgasm. Your hands flew to his shoulders where you sunk your nails in attempts of keeping him close, repeating his name between short kisses as he relentlessly fucked you.

“Come for me, pretty girl,” he moaned as your walls squeezed his cock.

Your mouth hung open after a long whimper, you just couldn’t take it anymore. He watched as your pretty face contorted in pleasure under him, hands sliding down his biceps as you came undone around his throbbing cock.

He called your name through a cry, resting his forehead on yours. “You wanna cum?” you whispered a question, feeling him twitch inside you.

“Shit,” he groaned, nose bumping yours, “yes.”

Cupping his face, you hummed. Damian’s muscles tightened under your touch and over your soft body as he finished inside you, warm cum coating your walls.

He stayed there for a few moments, catching his breath. Eventually, he slipped out of you slowly. You whimpered, feeling cum drip down your folds. Damian smirked in satisfaction upon noticing the semen flowing down your thigh.

“White door to your right,” you instructed him. “There are clean towels under the sink.”

Handing you a damp towel, he waited for you to take it to then withdraw his cellphone.

“Gotta go?”

He shook his head. “Letting Dick know I’m fine.”

You reached for your panties, standing up in order to slip them on. Damian pouted, dropping the mobile device onto the couch as his hands were placed on your waist.

“I love you,” he said.

You said it back, having missed telling him just because you could. “I love you more.”

He could have fought you on it, but he preferred kissing you softly, breaking into a smile in the middle of the kiss when you wrapped your arms around him. You dropped your head onto his chest as the kiss ended, leaving a peck on his sternum.

Sliding his hands toward your lower back, tracing it up, he stopped at the clasp of your bra. Damian whined, “We didn’t even take this off!”

Giggling on his skin, you slightly parted from him to gaze up. He lifted both eyebrows suggestively, making you roll your eyes. Placing your hands on the sides of his torso to put more distance between his body and yours, you told him, “I need a nap first.”

He took a hand off your back to motion for you to lead the way to your bedroom, never not in the mood for cuddling you.

[thestarkerisobvious]

Ghosting You -- Chapter 7

written by myself and the late @von--gelmini​ (aka @starker-stories​)

​

Chapter 1 Is Here

Chapter 2 Is Here

Chapter 3 Is Here

Chapter 4 Is Here

Chapter 5 Is Here

Chapter 6 is Here

Ghosting You

Chapter 7:  Peter -  Mourning

FRIDAY reported to Tony everything she knew.  Peter hadn’t spoken, or even touched the driving wheel, until the vehicle was parked in his private space.  Then he exited the car.  He had not, either as Peter Parker or Spider-Man, left the apartment.

It wasn’t until 2:00 AM in the morning that she saw him again.

Silently, he unlocked the door.  Silently, he sat down in the passenger seat and waited.  Finally, he spoke.

“FRIDAY, are you...  will you… can you talk to me?”

“Of course, I can talk to you, Peter. If you’d like, I have no other duties to perform at this time, I could be your car’s automatic systems program.”

“Oh yes, oh yes please, anything. Oh you can do anything you want.  Oh FRIDAY I missed you… how are you??  How have you been?  I mean… what have you been doing?  Oh god I missed you so much...” he said, his eyes filling with tears.  Even though he had hardly ever spoken to FRIDAY himself.  She had always been a voice in Tony’s helmet, never in his, although she had conveyed messages to him on more than one occasion.  But other than telling her “yes” or “no” or “thank you” or “tell Mr. Stark I’ll be late because I have a trig final” they had never really had a conversation. 

“I’ve missed you too, Peter.  I miss talking to you. Well, to anyone, actually,” the AI replied, sounding very human and rather lonely, exactly the way Tony had programmed her. “Only Miss Morgan talks to me sometimes.” 

“Oh… oh you and Morgan? Oh I want to hear everything about Morgan, please. Oh god FRIDAY I missed you so much.”

“Miss Morgan isn’t being taught at home now. She was supposed to be homeschooled until first grade when the boss was going to have her tested and put into whatever grade was at her level. She goes to a small school near the farmhouse upstate and just finished Pre-K-4 and is in a summer program.”

“Oh FRIDAY that’s just… tell me more.  Tell me… FRIDAY?”  Peter sniffed, wiping the tears from his eyes.  The corners of his mouth turned up, just a little bit, as he formulated a plan.  Hugging himself, and leaning his head against the window, he spoke.

“Tell me what Morgan watched on TV yesterday.”

Obediently, FRIDAY read off the list.

“Okay, now tell me what she watched on TV all of last month.”

And so she did.  Day after day, she dutifully reported the list of Morgan’s television shows.  And when she was finished, he asked for the list for the entire year.  And as she did he wrapped himself up in his arms, wrapped himself up in her words, and cried.

* * *

For the next two nights it was the same.   After patrolling Peter would head down to the garage, sometimes with a blanket and pillow, and let FRIDAY talk to him.  He explained it all to Aunt May, who seemed to understand.  It made sense.  For a good 48 hours, the world made perfect sense.

Sometimes FRIDAY would ask questions when he cried, but it was easy to convince her to continue.  Soon she clued in, and started suggesting other lists she could read out loud.  She read him the entire list of episodes of Morgan’s favorite television show, the name of every child enrolled in her school, and finally, the entire phone book of the small town they lived in.  Peter always cried at first, freely and openly, but not for very long.  It was easy to relax, surrounded by the AI’s voice.  

When Peter had first admitted that he was mourning for Tony Stark, May had given him a piece of advice.  “You feel like if you start crying, you’ll never stop,” she had said.  “But you really will.  You’ll get bored.  You’ll get hungry.  You’ll start to wonder what’s on TV that night.  It’s scary to start, but it’s really worth the risk…”

He had known, deep in his heart, that she had been wrong.  Thus the drugs.  But sleeping in the car Tony had given him, wrapped up in the blanket of FRIDAY’s words, suddenly it all made sense.  This was it, he was certain.  He just needed to cry it out.  That’s what he had been missing all along.

At least, that’s what he convinced himself.  And he had reason to believe it was true.  He hadn’t even thought about getting high in two days.  On patrol he didn’t even look out for the dealers, and when he did wind up holding contraband, he just dumped it in the harbor.

It wasn’t until the 3rd night that he realized how wrong he had been.

[drawlfoy]

The Wonders of Ohio P.5

masterlist (check here for parts 1-4!) request guidelines

pairing: draco x reader

request: from 14 year old me babey

warnings: cringe, mentions of drug use, mentions of sex, language, and just bad writing

summary: y/n is in her senior year of high school when she is asked to take on an exchange student from britain that’s a little...different. this is NOT a nonmagic AU. draco is still a wizard and this will become and integral part of the story shortly.

a/n: heyyyy everyone. i graduated from high school this week and i’m posting this as my happy-one-year-to-me. as some of you may know, i posted my very first fic on this day a year ago. i’m really happy to see how i’ve grown since and i’m so lucky to have shared this with all of you. anyways, nittygritty--

this part is really the last slow exposition chapter. chapters 6 on will be a whole whirlwind beginning with homecoming and i hope that you guys are willing to stick around. i promise itll be worth the wait. y/n is going to get the story arc of a lifetime and also please do not hate heather she is just going through it ok 

anywayssssssss

tags tags tags  @gruffle1 @missmulti @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @erisdogwood @loveissupernatural

word count: 4.6k (;))

song recs: 

strawberry blonde -- mitski 

in your neighbors garden -- mimi bay

wishes -- beach house

ode to artifice -- samia 

pink in the night -- mitski

enjoy <3

The seatbelt buckle scorched the side of Y/N’s exposed neck as she turned to face the disheveled blonde in the passenger seat.

“Do I need to teach you to set an alarm?” 

Draco let out a huff. “Stop. Do you have a….a comb, or a brush, or something here?” His hands looked abnormally fidgety. Their actions were shaky, varying from patting his pockets to running through his hair. He seemed more and more frustrated each time his hands left his pockets empty. 

How curious Y/N thought as she racked her brain for any remembrance of putting a brush in her car. It was always a mess, and she honestly couldn’t blame Draco for assuming that anything could be in there.

“I don’t think there’s one here,” said Y/N, trying to sound at least a little sympathetic despite the fact that his tardiness had them 10 minutes late. “You can look around if you want, king.”

“What’d you call me?” His voice was suddenly sharp and awake.

Y/N rolled her eyes so hard that she thought they’d get stuck in the back of her head. “You don’t--ok. It’s a joke. You can call guys here that.”

“And it means that I’m…?”

“It means I’m acknowledging that you exist, I guess. It’s not like it has a strict negative or positive connotation. Like, I can say ‘Ok king’ to any man telling me something and it can either be sarcastic, or it can be because I don’t know what else to say and just want to let him know I heard him.”

Draco’s eyes looked a tad glazed over when Y/N dared a glance in his direction.

“I know it’s confusing. I’m sorry. I’ll try and ease you into the world of American slang.” 

He granted her a little “uh-huh” before opening up the glovebox with great difficulty and rummaging through the mess. Y/N would’ve felt more embarrassed about the tampon that fell on the ground in the process if he seemed like he actually knew what it was. 

Her attention turned back to the road as Draco continued to sift through things. Y/N couldn’t help but wonder if there was anything embarrassing hidden away in the corners of her car--after all, it hadn’t been organized since the beginning of summer--and decided that it was better to pretend it wasn’t happening.

It wasn’t the eerie silence that eventually prompted her to turn to look his direction--no, it was the weird energy in the car, like the feeling right before a thunderstorm. All the hair raised on her arms, and she shivered...but it was stifling hot in the car.

“Oh, did you find a brush?” she asked. His hair laid as perfectly as always, but his hands were lying shaking in his lap, palms to the sky. No hairbrush was in sight.

“Er... “ He was paler than usual, which was quite the feat for someone who looked like a ream of paper. “No. Just remembered a trick my father taught me.”

She tensed at the mention of his father--the very first time Draco had done so. “Oh. Okay. Glad you got it figured out, king.”

Her voice lightened on the last word, hoping she could coax a little smile out of him. 

“Don’t call me that.”

“Ok.”

oOo

 There were many things Y/N thought she understood, but Draco Malfoy being in her Physics C class was not one of them. She took pity and sat next to him as he fumbled his way through the first lecture. His notes, while neat, were littered with crossed out portions and question marks. 

You do know there’s an eraser on your pencil, right? she jotted on a note that she sent his way. His brow furrowed and he seemed to tap at the end of the eraser for just a few moments before deciding otherwise and xing out another practice problem he’d done incorrectly. Symbols that she’d never seen before were scattered all throughout his notes. 

Maybe the UK kids just learn stuff differently.

By the time that Physics came to an end, Y/N was eager to get away from the storm cloud that was brewing over Draco’s perfectly smoothed and infuriatingly pretty moonbeam colored hair. The amount of attention he was getting from all the other girls made Y/N want to jump off a cliff--suddenly everyone was her “best friend” “just wanting to check up on what happened over summer”. She was grateful to see the face of Lizzy, grinning and looking mischievous during their break period.

“You must be Draco,” said the redhead, a glint in her eyes. He looked a little scared.

“Er...yeah.”

“Mind giving us some privacy? Y/N and I have some urgent matters to discuss,” she continued, looking him up and down. Y/N attempted to ignore the twist in her gut as she watched him swallow and nod, turning away to go brood elsewhere. Once he was out of sight, Lizzy grabbed her arm and yanked her into the girl’s bathroom.

“It’s so funny how he’s following you around like a lost puppy,” Lizzy said. “Also, he’s gorgeous. If you don’t at least try to get some of that, then I’m never trusting your judgement again.”

“But, Li-”

“The boy’s a fucking walking Wattpad story cover. Dark, tragic past, unbelievably sharp jawline, rich parents, exotic accent....honestly, Y/N, I don’t know what else you could want.” 

“Mom literally called him my host brother,” said Y/N. The bathroom was starting to smell suspiciously like cotton candy. “That’s wrong. On so many levels.” 

“But you’re not related!”

“But it’s gross! And predatory! The kid doesn’t even know how to do basic algebra! I’m all he has!” 

Lizzy’s eyebrow found its new home in the middle of her forehead. “You’ve gone absolutely batty if you think that every girl cursed with attraction to men in Cincinnati wouldn’t jump his skin at the chance. Use your head, queenie. He’s not alone. Shoot your shot.”

Y/N opened her mouth to serve back a retort--that was definitely there, thank you very much--but decided against it once she realized that the bathroom had become dead silent. “Um...maybe we can go over this later.” She flickered her eyes over to the line behind them that was now intently hanging on their every word. “I forgot I had to talk to the counselor.”

Lizzy was smirking as they exited the bathroom and began the search for Draco. It didn’t take long--the circle comprised of Heather and her friends was more than enough of a giveaway that he was about. 

“Draco, sorry to make you wait,” Y/N called out. It took all her effort to abstain from cringing as her voice rang out across the group. Heather turned to send her a big smile.

“Hey Y/N! You didn’t tell me that Draco was from London!” 

“He’s not,” she responded. “He’s from Wiltshire.” 

“Wiltshire. Of course. That’s what I meant.”

Draco’s smile was tense as he looked down at Heather--who stood roughly 4 inches below him--but he was smiling, and that wasn’t something that Y/N was on the receiving end of frequently. She didn’t know whether to be offended or relieved.

“I’m sure. Break’s almost over, Draco. I can show you where the English department is before the time is up.” 

 He paused, looking down at the blonde grinning up at him. “Er, actually, Heather already offered to show me around for the rest of the day.”

“Yeah, for sure. I’ll see you in French.”

Y/N was shocked at the sheer amount of jealousy that rose up in her throat as she turned away and made her way to Art History---the only class Y/N and Draco didn’t share. The walk was strange. Being in solitude after having a gloomy British boy attached to her hip was understandably eerie. Because that’s all it was. Adjustment. Nothing else.

She settled in at a table full of her friends, namely Sylvia. The tall girl was always a bit whimsical, but Y/N found that she was a breath of fresh air compared to everyone else. It made sense that Sylvia would take Art History--her dark academic inspired aura and the perpetually hot mug of black coffee just screamed history nut. 

“How’s your new brother?” she asked after the teacher had taken attendance. “I say that because I haven’t heard his name yet.”

“Ick, it’s gross to think of him as my brother,” Y/N responded. “And I know! We need to catch up. I’m sorry about not talking to you for a bit. The time difference was a bit weird during your trip.”

“It’s ok, I get it. I was away on family business, anyways. I didn’t expect you to spend your days staying up until the wee hours of the night to tell me all about your exchange student. Anyways. His name?”

“You’re gonna scream when you hear it, Vie,” she said. “Draco Malfoy. It’s so posh. You have no idea. It definitely suits him, though. He’s very...You good?” 

Sylvia’s olive toned face looked a bit paler than usual. “Yeah. Yeah, I just remembered that I forgot to take the trash out this morning. I’ll have to text my mom about it.” She adjusted the wool cardigan that hung around her shoulders and came up looking composed. “Draco, huh? His parents must hate him.”

“At the very least! He’s so rude. And uptight. I can’t tell if it’s just a Brit thing or if it’s because he’s an asshole.” 

Sylvia laughed. “I mean, when I was there over the summer, it was a different culture for sure. We’re by far louder. But I didn’t meet many mean ones. You must’ve just got a bad apple, then.”

“I guess so. He is pret--”

“Ladies, is there something you’d like to share with the rest of the class?”

“No, Mrs. Jensen,” Sylvia and Y/N said in unison. 

oOo

“Thoughts, king?” 

“I told you not to call me that.” Draco glared at her as he tried to open the passenger side door to find that it was locked tight. “Unlock? Please?”

“And I told you not to get cozy with ASB kids, yet here we are,” said Y/N as she slotted the key into the lock and turned. 

“What’s it to you?”

“Nothing. I’m just looking out for you.” She slammed the door shut and threw her bag in the bag. The line of traffic to get out of the school was long and stuffy, and she was eager to just get it over with.

The wait was so hot that Draco peeled off his stupid formalish jacket that was on thin ice of being called a blazer and probably worth more than her car. Y/N tried to look away as his hair became slightly ruffled, but she couldn’t pry her eyes away. It was endearing, almost, how someone who could look so posh and serious could have ruffly hair--and hair that naturally light, too. She had asked him one night if it was dyed, and he scowled at her and told her the grammatically correct term was dead, and that his hair was alive, just like the rest of him, thank you very much. She dropped it. 

Y/N finally rolled down her window after the AC simply refused to satisfy her, and the wind was a nice reminder to keep in her own lane. Draco was beautiful. There was no other way to put it. He had a feel of power to him, like he was capable of anything but just held it back. But he was just as inaccessible as he was pretty, and there was nothing she could do about that.

“Y/N?” He asked after a few moments of sitting in silence. “What’s Homecoming?” 

“Who told you about that?” 

“Heather. She asked if I had a date. Is that like a ball here?”

“She asked you if you had a date on the first day?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck. ASB kids never do sleep, huh.” 

“What?”

“Homecoming isn’t a ball. It’s like a...an…” Y/N paused as she saw Draco raise his eyebrows. “It’s, like, uh….Well I guess it is like a ball. An American one, though. Way less extravagant. It’s an excuse to get dressed up and run around the city. There technically is a dance, and all the ASB kids have to go, but literally no one else does but the underclassmen. Normally I go out with my friends and a date to somewhere fun and take pictures. And then get trashed afterwards.”

“Classy,” said Draco. “I think you can go now.”

A honk behind her emphasized his point as the space in between her and the car in front widened substantially. 

“Thanks. Anyways, it’s not really a big deal. I’d suggest not going with Heather so you can skip out on the dance portion. Or if you want to go with her, get her to come with us into Cincinnati because I am not going to spend my last homecoming watching a grind circle.” 

“A...what circle? And I don’t want to go with her.”

The relief Y/N felt was embarrassing. “Um...better if you don’t worry about it. You have a long time to figure it out anyways.”

He seemed satisfied with that answer, propping his elbow up on the center console. The pristine button up he was wearing had ridden up, exposing the pale skin and the bottom of the tattoo she had seen a hint of earlier. “Do you have a date?”

“Um. No, not yet. I don’t think anyone except for couples do yet. We have until the end of this month to figure it out, so I’m not too worried about it.”

He nodded as Y/N’s car finally left the school parking lot and began picking up speed. 

“I’m assuming you had balls? At your posh boarding school?” 

“Er…” Draco ran his hand through his hair, ruffling it further. “We only had one. It was when I was 14. We called it the Yule Ball.”

“Why only one?”

“It was for a special occasion. We had two other schools join us as well. It was quite a good time.”

“So every student only has one ball in their lifetime?”

“Of course not. Some of us--the ones from old families--have events like that regularly.”

“I’m sorry if this is overstepping my bounds,” began Y/N, noticing how he tensed up, “So you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. But, I’m just wondering, what is your family like?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like are they nice?”

“Oh.” The line in his forehead relaxed. “No. They wouldn’t like you.”

“Glad to hear it,” she said. “Do you like them?”

She heard the breath hitch in his throat. “I don’t know anymore.”

“I’m sure it’s hard to think about it when you feel like they’ve just shipped you off without anyone,” she added. “I’m really sorry, Draco. I know I’ve been a bit mean to you. I know that I’ll never be able to understand what you’re going through right now.”

The slight smile that spread across his face would’ve knocked her to her knees if she wasn’t already sitting down. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

The silence that awaited them for the rest of the journey was comfortable.

oOo

School began to pick up the pace after the first few days. Y/N got into the swing of homework and her extracurricular workload. Draco was having a bit more difficulty, she presumed, but he’d never admit to it. She took pity one evening and gave him her laptop opened to a Khan Academy tab for Physics and was pleased to see that he showed up to class the next day with completed homework. He asked to borrow her laptop on a much more frequent basis after that. 

The routine they settled into had her heart leaping into her chest almost constantly--they’d eat breakfast together at the table, Y/N would try to ignore how pretty he looked across the table as they shared a pot of black tea (earl grey, which Y/N was thrilled to learn was his favorite as well), they’d get in the car, she’d write him notes in physics to help him (even though he never asked, he always smile and give a little shake of his head before unfolding them and intently staring at her writing), they’d drive home together and bitch about their French teacher, he’d retire to his room and do whatever pretty blonde Brits do in the afternoon, they’d meet unexpectedly at the same time in the late evening to have a final cup of tea, and then they’d go to bed and do it all over again. 

It was difficult for her to admit, but Y/N was falling very quickly for Draco. It was gross, and wrong, and manipulative, and completely against the code of conduct for exchange families, but she couldn’t help but spend her days fantasizing about how his gold-spun hair would feel as she ran her fingers through it or how gently she’d trace her fingers around the tattoo on the soft flesh of his forearm…

But Y/N knew those thoughts weren’t right. And they would go away. Eventually. 

“How’s it going?” Sylvia asked, effectively snapping her out of her thoughts. The Art History sub told them to go into independent study, whatever that meant. Y/N was not very good at either of those words.

“Pretty good. I can’t believe it’s been 3 weeks already,” she said. “It’s gonna be Halloween before we know it.”

“I can’t fucking waitttt,” said Sylvia. “I’m gonna be Wednesday Addams.”

“Again?”

“What else would I be? I get a new high collared black dress every year. It’d be a shame if it were going to go to waste. What are you gonna be?”

“One of the thousands of students finishing their UChicago ED app hours before the deadline.”

“You’re kidding. Can’t you just finish it the day before?”

“Where’s the fun in that? And, plus, I don’t have an idea as cool as Wednesday.”

Sylvia smirked as she opened up her planner and began to jot down something. “How’s Draco doing? I haven’t seen much of him lately. It seems like he never hangs out with us at break anymore.”

“Yeah, I ended up getting him connected with the Physics teacher. He’s getting tutored now. He thinks it’s all bullshit, but I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t get into a good school.”

“Is that all you care about?” She smiled at Y/N. “Lizzy was telling me that you’re interested in him.”

“First of all, keep your voice down. Second of all, I’m not supposed to be, so I’m not.” Y/N hoped that the edge in her voice was convincing enough.

Her friend raised her eyebrows so dramatically that her glasses nearly slipped off her nose. “Y/N, who’s gonna hear about it. You guys are both going away at the end of the year anyways, and I’m sure he’s not going to be writing to his dear mum about his love life. If it’s consensual, there’s nothing wrong with it. I think it’d be good for both of you.”

“I see that, but let’s put me in his shoes right now.” Y/N shuffled in her seat and clasped her hands. “I’m rich. I’m British. I’m very hot. My parents throw extravagant balls for me and I kiss pretty girls that say water like ‘wota’. I’ve spent my life in silk and I only drink the finest teas. My family is so important that I had to be shipped off halfway across the world just to be safe. And now my incredibly expensive life has reached a peak because I’m sleeping with a random girl in Ohio that has run approximately 4 stop signs since I’ve met her.”

“You’re sleeping with Draco?” 

Y/N turned to see Lauren, a wide-eyed, obnoxious, but well meaning girl staring at her. She heard Sylvia stifle a laugh behind her. “No. I was kidding.” The smile that she followed with was awkward and showed way too many teeth. 

“Oh, okay,” said Lauren. “Do you know if he likes anyone?”

Sylvia’s smirk widened.

“No, actually, he’s a pretty private guy.” Y/N sent her another tense smile, and Lauren finally turned away.

“Jealous, huh?”

“Shut up, Vie. You know I wouldn’t go for him. Even if I had the chance.”

She just raised an eyebrow and smiled. 

The afternoon brought its own set of struggles. Their French teacher had blown up at another student who had been caught cheating on their last test, and it was all Y/N could do but hold back her snickers until they were out in the parking lot.

“I can’t believe they still managed to conjugate their cheat sheet wrong.” Y/N was gasping for breath as she unlocked the car door and threw her stuff inside. Draco was watching from the passenger seat, his lips in a soft upturn. “Can you imagine? Oh my god.”

He just shook his head and turned to look out the window, but she could see the smile slowly stretching across his face. “Ridiculous. You could totally tell Monsieur enjoyed it, too. I bet he gets off on making kids like Joey cry.”

“I had a teacher like that,” he started. “He was a Poti-a chemistry teacher.”

“Oh? Did he ever attack you?”

“No. He liked me. Family friends and all.”

“Ah. I almost forgot that your family was rich and influential. Thanks for the reminder.” She reached across and lightly punched his shoulder. His smile, though still remaining, seemed to shrink. “Hey, what’s that in your bag?” 

Y/N motioned to the cardstock peeking out of his nondescript black backpack that always seemed to fit more than it was meant to. She could make out a few words written in what looked like a bright red sharpie--something that did not exactly scream Draco Malfoy aesthetic.

He froze up. “Er. It’s from Heather. I think she called it a Homecoming ask?”

Y/N’s throat dried up to the point that no words would willingly make the climb from her diaphragm to her tongue; instead, she settled for giving him a little nod and what she hoped was a convincing smile.

“I told her I’d think about it,” he continued. “I remember you saying that the school dances sucked. So I let her know that I wasn’t sure yet.”

She nodded again. “Super cool. You can do whatever you want, though. You can come with my group if you’d like, but you’re welcome to go with Heather’s.”

“What? So you aren’t coming with me if I go with Heather?”

“Fuck no, dude. I don’t hate her, but I would way prefer to spend a night with my friends than some girl from my French class that only talks to me because she thinks you’re hot.” 

The expression Draco made reminded Y/N that he would never get comfortable with American girls calling him hot. “Ok. Have you found a date yet?”

“Chad from Econ asked me yesterday.”

“Is that why my seat was covered in glitter?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going with him?” Draco’s hand was clenched tight in a fist in his lap.

“I think so,” said Y/N, steeling herself and deciding to just go for it. “But, of course, if you asked me I would say no to Chad. Just out of principle. I am supposed to be your tour guide, after all.”

The only parts of him moving were the few stray wisps of his hair being pushed around by the AC going. 

“But that’d be weird. I’d only expect you to take that up if you really didn’t want to go to the dance itself.” She swallowed and pulled out onto the main street, putting distance between them and the school. He was silent for a few moments. The quiet, normally comfortable between them, was stifling and strange. She pretended to ignore the way he was fiddling with his cuffs. 

“Yeah, it could be,” was all he said before slumping against the window and closing his eyes.

Mrs. Y/L/N was sitting at the head of the coffee table when the two arrived home, carding between a stack of letters in front of her. The mug of something--probably that new decaf blend she hadn’t stopped raving about--was sitting lopsided on a coaster, just barely about to topple off the edge. She looked like she hadn’t moved for hours, the novel she had been previously reading sat face down to preserve the spot next to her no doubt lukewarm drink.

“Hey Mom,” Y/N said as she set her keys down. “Anything good?”

She looked up, her expression morphing from startled to happy. “Other than the college brochures? Nothing, except...hm, what’s this?”

Her well manicured hand pulled at a crimson envelope, with sloping writing that seemed to shimmer in the light. 

To the Y/L/N Family, it read. The loopiness of the writing looked like it wiggled at the ends, but that had to be a trick of the light. It was dim in the kitchen during afternoons, after all. 

“It looks cool, open it u--”

“No!”

Draco’s voice had never sounded so loud as it did then as he lunged across the kitchen, snatching it out of her mother’s hand and clutching it to his chest. “Er, it’s for me. I recognize the handwriting.”

 “Cool, see you later,” said Y/N. She was up the stairs and slamming her door before either of her housemates could say another word. After the horrible embarrassment that was technically Draco’s rejection, she needed to be alone. 

Even burying her face into her pillow and squeezing her eyes shut didn’t keep the scenes from their car ride at bay. She had been so stupid, so stupid. Why did she even think he wanted that? He was her brother, after all. Oh god, does he think we’re all from Alabama or something?

She wallowed for a few more mournful minutes before deciding that she had to pick herself up and handle it like an adult. After all, she was going to be 18 in just a few months. There was no excuse for her to act like a child anymore. And, plus, it wasn’t like she couldn’t just play this off as a pity invite. Yes,that’s what she’d frame this as if he ever asked her about it again. She felt bad for him was all it was. 

Once satisfied with her internal dialogue, she rolled out of bed and made for the foyer where her bag was still on the table. She’d first walk on Legos barefoot before she had to let a stupid boy--especially one that didn’t know how to turn on their shower and had to ask for her help every time--come between her and her 4.0. Never.

Her thoughts were cut short, however, when she heard a new sound from his side of the hallway. She froze, listening closely. 

Draco was crying.

[sunlightxing]

Show Me Some Respect

After working for years as a secretary to General Hux aboard the ship, the Finalizer, life could not have been better for you.

That was until Hux informed you that Commander Kylo Ren would be joining you on that ship. Almost immediately, you both resent eachother, but after being forced to spend more alone time with him, you begin to wonder, what's so bad about him after all?

Chapter 4: Filthy Little Thing

An unexpected trip to Starkiller Base alongside Commander Ren takes a strange turn when you find yourself in his quarters, with an outstretched hand clenching your new uniform. A uniform only meant to be worn, by his secretary.

It had been almost a week since you began working directly under Commander Ren. Yet, things hadn't gotten any easier. Though he had described your work on the Command Shuttle as serving some sort of purpose, that was hardly the case. You felt like a complete waste of space, spending your time doing nothing but twiddling your thumbs. The only thing keeping you going was a strong, desperate longing to be back on the Finalizer. There you had a purpose, and you wanted it back.

"Will you stop that?" Commander Ren groaned from the pilots' seat. You slowly shifted your gaze onto him, rolling your eyes as he continued to stir. Every little thought that crossed your mind, he was there listening to it, searching for it. It didn't matter what time it was, or what exactly you were thinking about. He was listening, thirsting after every little intimate detail.

"I can't really stop thinking, Commander," you responded harshly. The last thing you wanted right now was an argument, but you were sick of his crass behavior. You didn't have to be here on this shuttle, stuck with him. He acted as if it was a chore to bring you along, as if he didn't want to. But obviously, he did. He could've waited to get a new secretary. He could've picked anyone but you.

"I didn't choose to bring you," he hissed, the words shooting off of his tongue and into your ears like thorns from a rose.

"Well you actually did, sir, and I doubt you'd like to return me, unless your ego can handle admitting Hux was right." You batted your eyes at him with playful sarcasm, hoping that would gain his silence for a long duration of time.

He paused, clenching his fist tightly against the arm of his chair. "Hux wasn't stuck listening to your ridiculous pondering," he responded, pulling himself away from the controls. You scoffed, viciously biting your tongue as to not lash out and throw numerous amount of insults and curses at him.

"Then why don't you just take me back?"

"I can't."

"Uh, yes. You can," you replied, crossing your arms with the same level of intimidation as that of a youngling. The Commander sat up from his seat, switching the ship's function so it would now be on autopilot. With a grunt of displeasure, he walked away towards the door, turning back to face you for a brief moment before his exit.

His breath was stagnant, heaving in his chest with an indescribable amount of rage. Tension built between the pair of you, a fiery sensation wafting over your back and surging across your spine. He was waiting for you to look at him before you left, but a tiny voice in your head was begging, pleading with you not to. Against your better judgement, you did, staring at his corpulent figure as he stared back at you with dismay.

"There's an alarm on that," he stated, gesturing towards the switch he had flicked to engage autopilot. "So if you touch that, or anything, I'll know."

You shook your head at him, rolling your shes as you slouched back in your seat. "You really don't trust me?" You questioned, throat burning hot, stinging your tongue with every word that floated off your breath.

He paused, now standing maybe a couple of inches out of the doorway. A rapid twitching arose from his hand, shaking and rather convulsing as he held his tongue, trying not to snap. "No," he projected, an asthmatic hissing noise protruding from his breath, "I don't."

Before you could get a word of rebuttal in, he violently slammed the door shut, the clashing of the metal causing you to flinch. Yet again, Commander Ren had very over-dramatically left you all alone, of course making sure that he had the last word. You sat back in your seat, stunned that this was your life now. It was uncertain as to how long this trip would last, and if you'd ever return back to the Finalizer at all. The Commander had made it clear from the start he wanted you away from the home you had known for so many years, but none of that made sense.

Yet, the fact you wanted to return back to that ship made no sense either. The thought of Hux raising his hand to strike you kept flashing into your mind. The terrifying look in his eyes, the way his teeth gritted against themselves. It had been so long since he had responded to your mistakes in that way, roughly two years ago.

You remembered that day like it was any other, though it wasn't even comparable. The morning had started off as anything but smoothly. Your alarm had failed to wake you, the shower water was simply not in function. Nothing was going right, and to top it all off, you had shown up to the bridge five minutes behind schedule. Hux stared at you blankly as you tumbled into the room, hair disheveled and uniform improperly fastened. You tried to explain to him what had happened, but he didn't care. His hand rose and struck you hard across the cheek. His cold, raw skin sensing a horrid stinging sensation throughout your whole face. That day he hit you, it had been the first, and the last.

There was no immediate regret after what he had done. Instead, he turned back to the window of the bridge, and after taking the time to pull yourself together, you did to. There, standing in front of you, was Starkiller Base. It was the first time you had seen it, and you were speechless, captivated by its' expert craftsmanship and beauty. Both you and Hux went aboard that ship, where you sat outside a vast meeting room, unable to enter because you were so new to your position. Tens of other Generals and Captains' flooded out of the room, but Hux did not, not until much time later. He came out looking as if he had just been mugged. His hair was unkept, his lip was busted and bleeding, and his left eye was swollen beyond belief.

You gasped in horror upon looking at his face, but before you could ask if he was alright, he cut you off, simply apologizing for his behavior that morning. The pair of you walked back to the Finalizer, and never spoke of that day since. From then on, Hux treated you with nothing but care and compassion, until last week, when history repeated itself. Maybe the stress of having to see Commander Kylo Ren made Hux act on that hidden rage, as you knew, all high ranking officials were taught that violence was the way to demand respect, and punish misbehavior. Though that didn't excuse what they had done, or continued to do, it offered an explanation. Deep down every one who faced that scrutiny, especially yourself, knew the abuse you ensued was not even close to that of the men enacting it.

It was why you had such an understanding for why both Hux, and Commander Ren, behaved the way they did. But, you never even tried to call out Hux on his shortcomings, yet for the Commander, you did every chance you got.

It didn't come off as much of a surprise. From the get-go, you despised him. You still did, you hated him. Hated his attitude, the way he gave out orders, the way he seemed to care for no one but himself. He was the opposite of everything you valued, and yet, he had managed to infiltrate your built-up walls, and knock them down with his temptations.

There was weakness in you, and he sensed it, the aroma wafting off of you, so strong he could taste it, and he wanted to. Every time he looked down upon you, no matter the mask that blocked his eyes, there was this hunger, this pining that presented itself on his face. You liked it, invited it, never wanted it to stop. Yet, you still hated him, but the thoughts, your mind was what really said it all. Every second you were around him, thoughts danced through your mind of inappropriate and unspeakable acts the two of you could perform together, and on one another. You tried so desperately to make them go away, but they refused to leave, just like the Commander.

It was wrong, so disgustingly wrong that a part of you wanted to stay with the Commander. There was no real motivation, except for the longing to act out on all of your whoreish dreams and fantasies. You didn't understand how you managed to get where you were. Lusting and thirsting after someone so horrid, immature, selfish, and unkind to everyone he knew, even you. It was ridiculous, and you hated yourself for it. Absolutely hated that your life had been reduced to that. A filthy, disgusting, little slut who wanted nothing more than a man, who was your boss, to fulfill all of your unholy desires.

You stared out the large glass window that sat above the control panel, looking for some answers in the stars. Life had seemed so black and white before this trip, before you gazed upon the Commander. But now, it was a whirlwind of technicolor, confusing and confounding every part of your mind. Nothing made sense anymore, nothing you did made sense anymore. It was almost as if that day you met Commander Ren, you lost apart of yourself.

Or maybe, you had gained the loss back.

"You're putting too much thought into it."

You darted your gaze from the galaxy and beyond to the doorway, Commander Ren standing there rather menacingly, back from whatever little trip he was just taken.

"I'm glad you were never one of my school teachers," he remarked, walking over to reclaim his seat.

"You, went to school?" You questioned, a large amount of surprise exuding itself from your voice. "Was that separate from your little sith training?"

The Commander groaned in annoyance. You always knew just the right things to say to tick him off. "Before I," he paused, nearly choking on his words as he went to speak. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, was the man having a stroke? Or did he just suddenly forget how to speak?

"I used to, and I hated it," he responded harshly. His hands gripped the sides of his seat, almost denting them. You could sense by the tone of his voice, and also by his violent demonstration on the arm of his chair, that he didn't wish to speak more on his past, and you weren't gonna try and force him to.

"I went to school a bit when I was younger," you quickly responded, trying to change the subject onto your past instead of his. Though yours did hurt to talk about, it wasn't to the point you were going to enter a fit of rage and break a chair with just your hand. "I didn't like it much either, it was boring. I'd much rather have been outside running around with nothing but a wooden stick" you said, thinking back on all those good days, playing with your friends in the forest.

Commander Ren didn't respond, but his grip loosened on the arm of his seat. You let a muffled sigh in relief, happy that you were somewhat able to get him to calm down. A smile began to curl up on your lip, one of satisfaction and praise to yourself. The Commander turned around to face you, and you quickly tried to change your expression to a more plain one, as he would call you out for smiling at him.

"Do you miss it?"

"Miss what, sir?"

"Your old life," he said, keeping his gaze on your now pale white face. You hadn't thought about it in a while, but you didn't know if it was best to.

Sure, your old life was grand. With your village, your parents, and your friends, but it was gone now. You were apart of something much bigger now, and more important. "Sometimes," you answered, staring off at the wall, thinking of your mothers' warm embrace, and your fathers' contagious laugh. "It was good for a while, and it helped make me who I am, but it's gone now. I'll always miss it, but I'm happy I even had it at all."

The Commander rose from his seat, standing above you. Your eyes quickly shifted upwards, so you wouldn't be staring at his belt. He gazed down at you, reaching out a hand for yours. You batted your eyes at him, slowly taking your hand off of your thigh, and gently laying it down on his gloved palm.

"There's some business I need to finish at Starkiller base. We'll be going there," he stated as he wrapped his hand around yours, completely engulfing it.

"Yes, Commander." Your gaze darted from his eyes to his large, leather-coated hands, your mouth watering at the sight of them

He let out a grumble in amusement. Sadly for you, he overheard every little thought that just presented itself in your mind. He turned away from you, removing your hand from his own as he headed for the doorway. Before you could even get a word of defense in, he was out the door yet again.

You frowned, turning back to the ship's control panel. Just when things got enjoyable, he decided to storm out, leaving you to your own devices.

Much time had passed since the Commander had dramatically left you alone in the cockpit, and it wasn't getting any easier to stay awake. It felt as if 10-pound weights had been tied to your eyelashes, and you struggled to keep them open. You could've been in your room an hour ago, drifting off into a deep sleep, and yet you chose to stay sitting in the cold and musty cockpit. The Commander made it very clear he wanted you to stay put, which made little to no sense since the entire point of having a secretary meant you would be following him around. It was no wonder the fool couldn't manage to keep one for more than a couple of weeks.

You felt yourself slowly drifting off, and there wasn't any stopping it. Besides, a quick nap couldn't do any harm, and the ship's alarms would wake you up when you were close to Starkiller, and the Commander would come strolling back in and land the damn shuttle. Wrapping a blanket you found on a shelf near the back of the cockpit, you turned back to your seat, and flipped back into the metal chair, resting your head against the control board. Gently, your eyes shut down, and all noise around you began to fade, until there was nothing.

"Cadet."

"No," you groaned, burying your head into your arm. "Just five more minutes."

"We're here. Now get up."

You sighed, picking your head up off of the control grid, imprints from the ship's buttons had molded into the side of your face from how deeply you had sunk into the panel. Even though it seemed like the most uncomfortable place to get some shut-eye, that nap was probably the best dose of sleep you'd had in years. You looked out the window groggily to see the landing bay on Starkiller, it was so much bigger than you imagined.

You turned to face the pilots' seat, expecting to see Commander Ren staring at you in dissatisfaction, but he wasn't there. In fact, there was no seat.

You spun your head around the other way, seeing the co-pilots seat, your seat, completely empty. You slapped your hand over your mouth, turning around slowly to see Commander Ren sitting in the pilots' seat, with you on his lap. You let out a shriek in panic, stumbling out of the chair, and flopping onto the floor, and directly onto your ass.

"You fell asleep," he stated plainly. "I needed to fly the ship."

This was completely embarrassing, how could you have fallen asleep on the job in the first place? It was only supposed to be a short nap, and the ship was supposed to go off, and you expected it to be loud enough to wake you, and cause you to wake before the Commander even entered the room.

"I shouldn't have fallen asleep, sir. I'm sorry," you whimpered, hoping this wouldn't land you in a monstrous amount of trouble.

He sighed, rising out of his seat so powerfully it nearly caused you to choke. "I expect that it won't happen again," he said bluntly, outstretching a hand to pick you up from the ground you laid helplessly on.

"Now come on. There's business to attend to."

The part of Starkiller Commander Ren was taking you through was a completely foreign area. Though the times you had been there having only been for repairs, you still felt a moral obligation to know more than you did, especially since you were there with someone so high up the ranks, he made Hux look like a joke.

Unexpectedly, he took you by the arm and dragged you into a dark, but vast room. A large glass table sat at the center of it, lined with at least a dozen chairs, with the one at the head of it looking more like a throne. The area reminded you of his quarters you had visited all that time ago. A glint of light caught your eye from across the room. A bed frame, the headboard a shiny, black material, and the sheets followed that same color pattern, but with a matte texture.

Breath escaped you as you finally put the pieces together, this was his living quarters.

"Stay put," he instructed, waltzing off into another room connected to the one you were in. You gave a nod in agreement, though he was out of sight before you managed to get that signal out. Like a child in a candy store, you gazed up at the tall, chandelier decorated ceilings, your mouth drooling at the sight of them. The room seemed so plain upon first glance, but the craftsmanship put behind it was unlike anything you had seen, far greater than anything you had seen on the Finalizer. It was majestic, elegant even. How could he ever afford to leave such a gorgeous and comforting place, just to venture out into such horrid wasteland?

The Commander presented himself from behind a large, blackened metal wall, with a mirror placed directly at the center of it. You looked at him, realizing nothing had changed about him. There was no file in his hand, no confidential reports. But there was one thing, and once you had noticed it, he slipped it from behind his back. In his hand was a solid black uniform, a small black cap alongside it. This piece of clothing was exactly like what you were wearing, but with his insignia on it instead of Huxs'.

"Your new uniform," he stated, reaching his hand out to bless it upon you. "If you're going to work as my secretary, you'll need to look the part."

You reached your hand out, ready to take it from his grasp, but you paused. Levitating your hand above the uniform, you tried to force yourself down to take it, but some unknown entity wouldn't allow it.

"Why do you hesitate?"

"I- I don't know," you whimpered, straining yourself in an effort to push your hand down to take the uniform. He stood there for a moment, watching you struggle to grab it from his hands. But after just a few more seconds, he grew tired of the waiting and snatched it away from you. The fast and rapid motion sent you flinching away from him, worried a gloved hand would slap you across the face like before.

"After all this, and you still want him?"

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, staring upon him with a lack of understanding. "Sir, what do you mean?" You asked, watching as his body began to shake with rage.

"Hux. He still infects your mind like the mangy vermin that he is."

"Don't call him that."

An invisible force wrapped around your neck, ripping you off of the ground and into the Commander's grip. His gloved hand tightened around your vocal cords, cutting off the blood circulation to the rest of your body

"And what will you do about it, pest?"

Your spit curdled in the back of your throat as you tried to painfully intake even the slightest amount of air. The seems on his gloved hand dug into the sides of your neck, practically slicing it open.

"P-put me down," you stammered, unable to move any part of your body to fight back. He shook his head, clicking his tongue as the grip became so tight your vision became hazy. So much pressure was building up in your head it felt as if you were seconds from explosion.

"Take the uniform."

You wanted to scream for help, get anyone who might be outside his quarters to rush in and stop this. This wasn't supposed to be permanent, you would go back to Hux soon and finally be rid of the Commander. But Gods, you foolishly didn't want to be away from him. Part of you wanted him in such an unholy and disgusting manner, more emotion than you had ever felt for another man. If getting him to stop behaving towards you in this way, meant you had to wear a new garment, then so be it.

"Fine," you choked. "I'll take it. J-just please, put me down."

He purred in excitement by your agreement, this time carefully placing you back on the floor of the room. You massage the parts of your neck that his gloves grip had dug into, hoping that with somewhat soothe the pain. His hand returned into an outstretched position, displaying the uniform to your gaze once more. You snatched it out of his hand, showing him this wasn't your actual choice to take it.

"I need to change," you stated, looking around the room for any place to go. "You got like a bathroom or something?"

"No. You can change in front of me."

You paused. "I'm sorry, what?"

He raised his hand up in the air, causing the invisible force to swirl around your body. It squeezed at almost every inch of your body, including the most intimate parts. It paused on your throat, stroking down your gullet like a knife. "Would you like that wrapped around your pretty little neck again?" He asked bluntly. "Do as you're told."

You nodded, knowing that again, you had no choice in the matter. Bending down, you slipped off your long, black, and shiny boots from off of your feet. Since you didn't receive a change of socks with this new uniform, Commander Ren would not be seeing your bare feet. If he was into that sort of stuff, you might have to run.

It was a slow effort to remove your belt that was tightly fastened to your waist. A pool of sweat began to form against your brow bone, and your back felt burning hot, practically on fire. This was the most degrading task you ever had to complete, and what purpose did this serve? Was this an act of ridicule so the Commander could show you were in submission? Or, did he genuinely want this?

Commander Ren walked slowly towards you, reaching down for your belt as he hastily unfastened it.

"Is it that hard to remove?" He asked, now having it fully unbuckled. With a loud clatter, he dropped it to the floor beside you, and with a swift motion, your pants were long gone too. He groaned with pleasure as he stared down at your bare thighs, studying them with lustful intent.

"Now, the top," he grunted, reaching for the bottom of your shirt as he lifted it up over your head. The cold air of the room brushed against your exposed breasts, giving you flashbacks to that day in the washroom. You hated this, you knew you hated this, and that you wanted nothing more than to put that new uniform on and be done with this whole ordeal, and yet, the way he gazed upon your body without judgment or ridicule made you feel so...

Wanted.

You stared back at him with a feeling of lust sparkling within your eyes, and he could sense it, see it. His hands rode up against your body, his chest pressing against your own. Firmly, he squeezed both of your breasts, flicking your nipples in search of a playful response from your throat. He got it. You let out a soft moan in response. Gods, he knew how to get you off.

"How unnerving," he groaned, grinding his length against your extended thigh, pressing himself deeper into your flesh. "If only Hux could see what a filthy slut you've become." Your face flushed with red, embarrassed of how much pleasure and excitement you were getting out of this. Whimpers protruded from your lips as he circled his gloved fingers around your body, his concealed cock pressing against you, filling your clit with unmatched desire.

"You want this so badly," he whispered, biting sensually at your ear, causing all breath to escape your lungs. "Tell me how you want it."

You could hardly speak. Your legs were trembling, the only way you were still on your feet was the fact Commander Ren had pressed you up against a wall. "I-" you went to speak, but another moan escaped your lips as he began to claw at your neck, his fingertips coated in leather gliding over your veins, squeezing on every inch of your bare flesh.

"Say it, pest."

"I want- I want you, Commander.."

"How do you want me?" He insisted, pressing himself deeper into your legs, his cock pulsing against your trembling body. You weren't ready for that mass to enter your tight cunt, he knew that, he had to know that. No matter how many lustrous thoughts danced through your mind, it wasn't time, you couldn't handle it. Despite the fact your body craved it, your clit throbbed for it, you simply couldn't.

"Mm. Can't take it? Can you, whore?" He grunted. "There's still, something else you can do for me." With abruptness, he forced you down onto your hands and knees, and you knew what was coming next. You looked back up at him with that same, filthy look of desire in your eyes.

"Commander..."

You went to speak, but he cut you off by shoving his thumb, coated in his leather glove, down in the back of your throat. The initial forcefulness of the blow caused you to gag as a response, even more embarrassing. You tried to play it off like it didn't happen, now sucking and swirling your tongue around his thumbs tip, treating it as something else.

"Filthy little thing," he teased. "You must've dreamt of this."

You couldn't speak with that mass in your mouth, so a simple nod sufficed. Though you could've afforded to get off on ducking nothing more than his thumb, and maybe he could've as well, the leather encasement dried out every part of your mouth, making it impossible for you to gain anymore saliva to continue the act.

"Not a fan of the leather?" Commander Ren asked, pulling his thumb away from your mouth. You reached out in displeasure, not wanting him to take it away from you just yet. You were needy, hungry for his blissful touch, and lusting to satisfy his needs.

"Hush, little one. So clingy," he remarked. Reaching for his waist, a terror filled expression spread across your face. "I have something better to fill that filthy mouth of yours," he purred, unsheathing his hardened length from the inside of his trousers.

You kneeled there in horror as you gazed at his monstrously sized cock, completely speechless at the fact you would have to fit that mass inside of your mouth. The first thought that crossed your mind was "I'm going to choke on that." But the Commander liked to choke you, so that shouldn't be a real issue.

"Don't think you can take it?" He cooed, gripping the back of your head as he pulled you closer to his cock.

"You will."

Without another moment's hesitation, Commander Ren wrapping his hand up in your hair, and burrowed his cock deep inside of your throat. You gagged the second it rubbed against your uvula, it seemed so much bigger on the inside. "Flattering," he chuckled, sliding his cock in and out of your mouth as if it was your hole, violently face-fucking you.

You encased your lips around his length, trapping him inside of your mouth. He moaned out in pleasure as he began to thrust harder and faster into your throat. Your clit began to pulse, a stream dripping out of your entrance and onto your underwear. His breath grew heavy, his throat producing huffs in between his groans as your tongue swirled around his tip, hoping for him to bust all over your face. You reached a hand up, wrapping it around the part of his cock your mouth was not encased around.

"Fuck," he huffed, his breath growing more sporadic with every thrust. This was beyond fucked up, you knew that, he had to know that. You, down on your knees in nothing but your undergarments, your Commander, your bosses' hands wrapped up in your hair as he fed you his cock. It should've never happened, any of this, but you wanted it to, and he knew that.

His cock began to surge inside of your mouth, his legs trembling in place. One last time, he forced your jaw open by ramming himself inside of your throat, his tip gliding down the hull of your esophagus. With another powerful grunt, his seed burst in your mouth, the taste stinging your lips. Such a salty, yes sweet sensation gliding over every single one of your tastebuds. He pulled out gently, tilting your chin up to face his.

"Swallow," he instructed, now squeezing your jaw with his hand. You did as you were told, swallowing every bit of his cum that filled your mouth. "Look at you," he purred as he reapplied the bottom half of his uniform. "To think I believed you would be a waste of my time."

You rolled your eyes at him, thinking back on your midlife crisis that took place in the cockpit earlier that day. Your assumption was completely and utterly correct. His cock was all worth the degrading and abuse, so fucking worth it.

The new uniform he had lain out for you was now scattered throughout the room. You bent over to pick up it's pieces, wrapping each layer of clothing over your nude body.

"Come now," Commander Ren asserted, ushering for you to join him at his side once your uniform was finally fastened over every inch of your body.

"We aren't finished yet."

[skekheck]

All About the Seven Clans: The Grottan

THIS POST CONTAINS EVERYTHING I COULD FIND ABOUT THE GROTTAN. SOME INFORMATION WRITTEN HERE ARE FROM OLDER MATERIAL AND MAY EITHER CONTRADICT STATEMENTS OR IS NO LONGER RELEVANT. I WILL DO MY BEST TO STRING IT ALL TOGETHER AS COHERENTLY AS POSSIBLE. IF THERE IS INFORMATION THAT I AM MISSING, PLEASE LET ME KNOW AND I’LL ADD IT!

Clan Index: Dousan Drenchen Grottan Sifa Spriton Stonewood Vapra

OVERVIEW

Deep within the the caves of Grot (also known as Cave of Obscurities, Land In Darkness, and Hole In Ground) lived the Grottan. Long believed to be extincted by most “daylighters”, these cave-dwelling shepherds lived in peace and knew little about the world above. Rarely did the Grottan leave their caves and it wasn’t until the late Age of Division did they reappear to the other clans. Because of their subterranean life, they were the most attuned with Thra and the Crystal, even to that of the highly spiritual Dousan. 

The Grottan’s clan color was black/blue, their totem animal the Hollerbat, and their core elements were the night, shadow, and the past. Their sigil color was dark brown/black and their pennant colors was dark blue with brown detail.

Characteristics

Over hundreds of trine, the Grottan evolved to live within the dark, deep caves. They had the smallest population with only 37 members, but were believed to have lived three or four times longer than the average gelfling. Their skins were a variety of greens with pink or orange undertones. In the J.M. Lee book series, however, they had extremely pale skin much like the Vapra. Grottan hair was predominantly white-blonde with hair streaks of green, green-blue, red, and sometimes a combination of the three. They kept their hair mostly out (and messy) with braids and/or in ponytails. Their hair was adorned with beads, string, and sometimes random objects.  They were usually covered in dirt and didn’t regularly wash, but they never minded.  A Grottan’s wings were sheer and almost transparent.

The most distinguishing features of the Grottan were their large eyes and ears. Grottan eyes had very dilated pupils that allowed them to see in the dark. This in turn made them very sensitive to sunlight and it took a while for their eyes to adjust. Eye colors strictly stayed between brown and black. With their ears, they were able to pick up even the tiniest of sounds from miles away making them also the best at hearing. Some were even able to hear the vibrations of the earth and could make out the individual songs of rocks, sands, and mountains. 

Grottan clothing were made of nurloc rump and were mentioned to be very soft. The colors resembled worn-out rags and of dirt, mainly tones of gray and brown with a dark reddish color. Other colors were yellows and blues. Some preferred to wear black cloaks and others sported head wear. The Grottan were hoarders and wore random objects on their clothing that weren’t meant to be worn as accessories. They rarely wore shoes, preferring to go barefoot as it helped them traverse the caves.

According to skekNa the Slave Master, a Grottan’s essence improved eyesight.

Life Style

Being a small clan, the Grottan were closely-knit. There was a great focus on community and maintain strong relationships with one another. It took teamwork to make Domrak as well as the entire caves of Grot habitable for themselves and other creatures. The Grottan maudra and her elder council gave adults assigned duties based on the skills they learned from schooling and their apprenticeships. Activities were done in complete silence, pouring all of their focus and effort into their tasks. The Grottan strongly believed in the quality of work so they were given flexibility and lax with how much time they took with it. This idea reflected in all forms of their lifestyle, making them one of the most easy-going of the seven clans. They were also avid collectors and kept all sorts of objects and knick-knacks in their homes. 

The Grottan’s Observance of Thra, the Crystal, and Aughra

As the Grottan lived underground, they were both figuratively and literally the closest to Thra. They held observance and devotion to the planet and the Crystal of Truth as well as honored life in the best way they could. Every day they would find a crystal vein and said quiet prayers to it with a loving expression. Because of their location if anything happened to Thra the Grottan were the first to know.  

Being the embodiment of Thra, the Grottan loved Mother Aughra as well. Until the late Age of Division, very few gelfling knew of her yet the Grottan spoke as if she was their friendly neighbor. Grottan maudras would send their apprentices above ground to seek her council and trade with her podling assistants for herbs and salves that were difficult to procure within the caves. They even wrote songs about her including the way to get to Aughra’s Hill and orrery. 

Plenty of songs that revolved around Thra that most gelfling thought were myth the Grottan believed to be the truth. Some of these myths, like the Song of the Six Sisters, were even credited by Grottan storytellers. As being keepers of history, plenty of artifacts found within the Tomb of Relics provided proof of their validity. 

Daily Routine

A Grottan morning begins with the sound of a single note from a firca and followed by a bow across strings and a voice. The music grew so loud that it could be heard all throughout Domrak.  Childlings were sent to teachers to learn alchemy and other skills, older childlings were under apprenticeships to build on specialized skills, and adults set out to do their daily tasks. There were animal caretakers, shepherds, gatherers of certain material, fungi gardeners, alchemists, herbal sages, those who measured the water levels of the cave’s inner lake, and other occupations. The Grottan would spend much of their day dedicated to their duties.

Grottan Calendars 

Being underground, they had to use other means of telling the time of day, season, or trine. They were able to create an underground clock or sky calender of sorts using the tiny holes that shined sunbeams from the ceiling of Domrak. The walls were marked and as the beams traveled, it indicated the time of day. For night, the Grottan would use the reflection of the Sister Moons cast upon the lake. 

The water levels also showed what season and trine it was. A ritual which the Grottan called Moontide was performed when the water level reached the highest point. The Maudra Grottan would climb to the bottom of the Domrak cavern, marked where the water level touched the rocks, and labeled it with the number of trine.

The Art of Grottan Alchemy

The Grottan were resourceful and had a number of tricks which was thanks to their expansive knowledge in alchemy. The caves of Grot, which had a consistent cool temperature, made it an ideal place for storing items that would otherwise spoil or be unstable. This was especially true for valuable ingredients found above ground.  They could be studied and manipulated without the risk of destroying or igniting them. This made the Grottan the most magically wise of all gelfling. 

They had a vast knowledge of pastes, powders, bombs, elixirs, and more with various uses. Plenty were used for healing, igniting fires, or clearing out debris or animals. The Grottan knew how to carefully clear away debris from a collapsed tunnel with explosive without damaging it or the structure of the caves. They also knew how to carefully keep animals, such as the hollerbat, out of their ventilation chutes with smoke bombs. Of course they were taught to use them carefully but of course are prone to accidents. There have been notiable accidents with smoke bombs that if the smoke gets on a gelfling’s face they wouldn’t be able to see clearly for days. Many Grottan would carry their concoctions on their person having pockets within their clothing to hold containers or pouches. 

Alchemists and herbal sages overlapped each other because both were adept in alchemy and medicine. They had an endless knowledge of fungi in particular, which were a favorite among Grottans. They had extensive knowledge of uses from medicinal to poisons to the intersection between using toxic materials for healing illnesses from the toxins of other creatures. 

Diet

The Grottan lived on a mainly vegetarian diet although they would eat meat from time to time. The caves provided a variety of flora, fauna, and fungi so the Grottan rarely sought out plants from above ground. They’d eat large portions of mushrooms and root vegetables grown from cultivated colonies by farmers. Leafy greens were considered a rare treat as they only grew in places where sunlight reached. These rarities were called “dayfare”. Of the game that the Grottan caught were mostly fish and creatures like armalig. This grew less common as quarry became more difficult to find as time went on. 

Grottan food was very flavorful thanks to the seasonings, seasoning pastes, and spices they used. Anything that was edible they would use. Grottan meals were not made the same way as each gelfling had their own unique way of preparing food. Grottans also applied alchemy to foods to preserve them. Pickling solutions were usually done with sugar, salt, and vinegar that improved its shelf life and gave intense flavor to otherwise bland ingredients. 

A staple Grottan food was the glowing mushrooms and moss which, when consumed, made the eater temporary glow as well. 

Although the Grottan never traded with other clans, their spices and seasonings would end up in the hands of other gelfling. Most likely, Aughra’s poddling assistants would trade them for other things. Grottan spices and seasonings would end up in places like Ha’rar’s Port Market fetching high prices for their rarity. For a time, the origin of their items were acknowledged but may have disappeared along with the memory of Grottans. 

Mutualism With Cave Creatures

The Grottan had a mutualistic relationship with various cave creatures, particularly the nurlocs and hollerbats. It was thanks to these creatures that the Grottan were able to live within Grot. The animals were accustomed to their daily and nightly feedings from the gelfling. The Grottan learned to care for each species from the wisdom of past generations, including quantity and menu options which were given through careful oral instructions.  In exchange, the creatures benefited the Grottan in many ways.

Nurlocs aerated dirt as well as making conduits of fresh air from loosening soil when they dug. Thus, providing fresh breathable air for the Grottan and other life in the caves. The worms’ shedded skin, fur, and scales were seen as valuable material for clothing, ornamenting, and instruments. The antlers of water nurlocs, which fell off every thirty to forty days, were made into flutes. The hollerbats, the clan’s totem animal, provided the Grottan with material that would repulse outsiders. Their dung was extremely flammable but never emitted a terrible smelt when burnt. The dung was turned into a special paste called everburn which was considered one of the most valuable resources for the Grottan. It was used for fires, torches, lantern wicks, candles, and hearths. They were collected in bulk, sterilized and stabilized using salt, and made into the paste which was stored indefinitely in jars. It was said that a candle, when its tallow was mixed with the paste, would burn for days. 

Not all of the cave’s creatures were disciplined. To protect themselves from these unruly creatures, the Grottan utilized nonlethal alchemical methods like smoke bombs to keep them away. 

Finger-talking

Sound echoed and bounced within the caves making it almost unintelligible by the time it reached a gelfling’s ear. It was hard for one to talk to someone if they were not in close proximity of each other. So the Grottan created a complex language called finger-talking to compensate. It involved tapping on the walls of the caves in specific patterns and rhythm. It was complex enough that it could relay complex emotions, meaning, and locations. The signals could be heard when one pressed their ear against the wall thanks to the way crystallized minerals within them carried sound.  A dozen conversations would go on at once so names were specifically distinguished by the speaker when relaying their message.

Daylighting

Daylighting was a term used to describe Grottans going above ground, also known as “the top side”. It was considered a forbidden act as many hardly knew of the dangers of the world above. Only experienced gelfling assigned by the maudra were allowed to go. The tasks were usually done for finding ingredients and materials otherwise not found in the caves. There were few exceptions were the special missions to Aughra’s orrery as mentioned before. Trips above ground were always highly organized and planned so that they would go out and back in without making their presence known to other gelfling. They would almost always go out at night to avoid being blinded by the Three Suns.

Despite this, many Grottan (especially younglings) would go top side without the maudra’s permission. Those who were not immediately blinded by the suns would go as far as the Endless Forest and listened to all the unique sounds of wildlife and howling winds that weren’t found within their caves. But the one thing Grottan remembered the most was the sky, something that both fascinated and terrified them. It was said that they’d dreamt of it even trine after their trip. 

Domrak, the Hometown of the Grottan

The Grottan hometown, sometimes called “Place-In-Shadows”, was hidden deep inside the rocky caves of Grot.  It was surrounded by tunnels, crevices, and ravines as well as a large lake. It was decorated with glowing moss and the dim but iridescent crystal veins that lined its walls. The Grottan would travel to their small cave homes on small canoes or bridges. Far beyond Domrak, aside from the Tomb of Relics and the Sanctuary, was the Breath of Thra. Generated from the center of Thra was a series of warm air/wind tunnels. Its currents went through a network of underground tunnels and could be used to travel to and from Grot. 

Remnants of the Arathim, the original residents of the cave, could still be seen from the multiple holes carved within the walls. Much of their relics have been removed or transformed, much like the Arathim thread-hooks. They were made by the spiders to hang their webs, but the Grottan repurposed and resculpted them to anchor their bridges.

Both in Age of Resistance and the J.M. Lee book series the Arathim attempted to reclaim their ancient home and destroyed Domrak in the process. In the show, the Arathim agreed with the skeksis to capture all of the Grottan using threaders in exchange for their home. But it was all a trap as the darkening had already infested it with darkened nurlocs killing them while destroying Domrak in the process. Rian and Deet convinced them of the skeksis plot against them and afterwards won their alliance in the gelfling resistance. The Arathim freed the gelfling they enslaved and evacuated with them from the caves.  

In the book series, skekLi the Satirist lead the arathim invasion. He strategically manipulated Naia and friends by using Tavra under the control of a crystal-threader named Krychk to keep tabs and eventually lure them to him. The invasion was successful that not only did they destroyed Domrak but also reduced the Grottan population. Naia, Kylan, and Amri were able to stop him and the Arathim with the help of urLii the Storyteller and urVa the Archer. 

The Tomb of Relics and Its Keeper

The Tomb of Relics was the most sacred place in the caves that the Grottan watched carefully over. It was a giant catacomb protected by a heavy stone door filled with artifacts collected throughout history. Shelves, chests, and crates were filled to the brim with treasure such as books, tapestries, tools, artwork, and more. To get there, it took half a day’s walk from Domrak. 

How all of these artifacts came to the tomb was a complete mystery to the Grottan. They came up with many theories to explain it, like gelfling adventurers or Aughra herself putting them there. The closest of these theories, unbeknownst to them, was that of a slow, pale four armed creature which the Grottan wrote off as something that added a mysterious charm to the tomb. The four armed creature, named urLii the Storyteller, was the Tomb of Relics’ true keeper. One of the few mystics who lived away from his brethren, urLii traveled all throughout Thra to find and keep artifacts in a safe place. Being a very private individual, very few knew about him aside from Maudra Argot. It’s not clear if this was the same for other Grottan maudras. However, in the J.M. Lee book series urLii had a different relationship to the Grottan. He didn’t hide himself and freely taught childlings about all types of medicines and poisons.

Interestingly, it was the original home of the Dual Glaive. The weapon was placed inside a chamber by its creators skekGra the Heretic and urGoh the Wanderer for safe keeping. It was inaccessible to anyone but gelfling and lied within a passageway. It was protected by traps meant to test those who entered it. This included chasms, sharp swinging pendulums, and rock creatures similar to Lore. For those clever enough to spot them, there were secret passages that skipped all of these tests and lead right to the resting place of the swords. During the late Age of Division, Ordon and Fara bested the traps and took the Dual Glaive to help them fight the Arathim. 

A game called Gricksies was loosely based on the layout of the tomb. It was a race against time where the Grottan would go through a maze, threw shells, gems, and stones when they reached the end, and ran back before a candle burnt out. A ditty simply called Gricksies was sung to infants when their parents tended to them. 

The Sanctuary

A grand valley that lied in the heart of the mountains. It was the only place the Grottan were allowed to frequent outside of the caves (although was not technically considered above ground). Only visiting it at night, they would sit and meditated upon the song of Thra which they believed was best heard in the Sanctuary than anywhere else. The Sanctuary was once an ancient mountain lake or the elusive headwaters of the Black River as made evident by the petrified aquatic plant formations including plant and fungi that surrounded it. Remains of its ancient water were all but a small pond of shallow water found at the very base of the gorge.

The Sanctuary was once home to the bell-birds, which were capable of moving mountains with their singing. Every seven hundred trine, the birds would use the Sanctuary for roosting and finding mates. By late Age of Division, however, the birds went extincted. The bone shafts of a bell-bird’s feather were able to produce the song of Thra when blown into it. The birds also inspired a famous song created by Gyr called “the Bell-Bird and the Mountain”. 

Vliste-Stabe

Also known as the Sanctuary Tree, it was the Grottan’s patron tree. They called it “the mirror of the mountains” because it had two faces. The first was a pink petaled tree that stood visible on one of Grot’s many mountain peaks. The other was an inverted stone tree that dangled deep in the Caves of Grot. The surface-side face had pink flowers that bloomed three times a trine and shed them late winter. The bottom-side face was a mystery as the Grottan knew it existed but none could find it. That was until late Age of Division where Deet happened to stumble upon it. One of the Grottan’s most romantic songs were based on the tree, which alluded to its two faces, was called the Mirror of the Mountain.

Other interesting aspects of the Sanctuary Tree was that it was capable of speech but only allowed very few to hear it. It was also capable of showing visions of the future with their flowers attached on its roots. It was noted to have a close friendship with Aughra who she would sometimes come to for advice. Like the other Great Trees, the Sanctuary Tree struggled to keep the darkening at bay until it finally succumbed to it when attacked by a pack of darkened nurlocs. Before it died, it gifted Deet with the power of darkening absorption. 

Relationship With the Skeksis and Other Clans

During the early Age of Division, the skeksis sought alliance with the Arathim. When they refused, the skeksis cast them out and gave the caves of Grot to more willing subjects: the Grottan. As they became sensitive to the Three Suns, they turned reclusive to the world and eventually became forgotten. Although they were the least influenced by the skeksis, the Grottan still had rituals and prayers based around them as they still held the belief the lords were protectors of the Crystal.  

As they rarely had any contact with other clans, the Grottan viewed them with skepticism. Whenever a Grottan would go top-side, they made sure to stay clear of other gelfling. This wariness was engraved by the Grottan maudras who did so in order to protect their clan as they believed other clans wouldn’t be kind to them. 

Although they’ve been isolated for hundreds of trine, Grottan have a unique connection with the Vapra. According to the Song of the Six Sisters, Thra entrusted the founders of each clan with elements of Thra to protect. The sixth clan known as the Silver Sea Clan was tasked with not only looking after day and night, light and shadow, but also the past and future. Because Thra requested seven clans and the original task became too difficult for one single clan, the Silver Sea Clan split into two: the Grottan and the Vapra. The Grottan became keepers of the night, past, and “dark things that should be left in shadows”. Due to these associations, other gelfling, especially the Vapra, feared them and eventually looked down upon them. The Grottan still carried these stigmas even after they were believed to be long gone. The Grottan equally didn’t like the Vapra as they were offended that their sister clan wanted nothing to do with them anymore even before they “vanished”.

The Grottan had many names for the gelfling that lived above. These included (but were not limited to) "daylighter", "sun-brain", "moon-child", "sky-baby", and "tunnel-screamer”. In return, outsiders sometimes called the Grottan “Shadowlings”. 

Notable Grottan Members

Deethra: Better known as Deet, was a Grottan who lived in the late Age of Division. She was an animal caretaker with a deep respect and love for Thra. When the Sanctuary Tree revealed a vision to her about the darkening, Deet went above ground to warn the All-Maudra and joined the gelfling resistance to save Thra. 

Maudra Argot the Shadow Bender: The Grottan maudra during the late Age of Division, she was also the oldest maudra who lived during that time. In her youth, she frequently went top side and even assisted other gelflings in the Arathim Wars. She guarded part of the Dual Glaive within her walking cane.

Lath'N: Husband of Mitjan and father of Deet and Bobb’N. He tended to the Nurloc herds until he evacuated with his family when the Arathim invaded and the darkening took over the caves.

Mitjan: Husband of Lath’N and father of Deet and Bobb’N. Like his husband, he tended the Nurloc herds. He and his family evacuated when the Arathim and darkening invaded the caves.

Bobb’N: A small Grottan childling, he was the son of Mitjan and Lath’N and younger brother of Deet. 

Amri: A skilled alchemist who lived during the late Age of Division.  In the J.M. Lee’s book series, he helped Naia and Kylan with trying to find Gyr’s firca and eventually joined them on their quest to light the fires of resistance.

Maudra Ermet: A Grottan maudra who lived during an unknown time in the Age of Division.

Nep: A grottan who lived during an unknown time in the Age of Division. The apprentice of maudra Ermet, they were given special missions to visit Aughra’s orrery.

Sylus: A grottan songteller who lived during an unknown time. He was believed to be the originator of the Song of Six Sisters which he dream-etched onto a tome in his sleep. 

[Sources: Song of the Seven Gelfling Clans, the official Dark Crystal website, Song of the Dark Crystal, Tides of the Dark Crystal, The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, The Dark Crystal Age of Resistance: An Epic Return To Thra, Author Quest: The Gelfling Gathering, Heroes of the Resistance, the Dark Crystal Age of Resistance: The Quest, the Dark Crystal Bestiary ] 

[stardustryewriting]

A Learning Process (1)

AO3 Link: here

Synopsis: Bakugou isn’t exactly in touch with all of his feelings. Kirishima usually doesn’t mind. At least not, until Bakugou starts to get weird around him. 

Part 2 3 4 5

Observational Learning

Contrary to popular belief, Bakugou didn’t mind his class all that much. He had called them ‘extras’ a lot, when school had begun, but that was mostly because he was really bad at remembering people’s names. All in all, they were a decent bunch, some of them really strong, some of them aiming really high and all of them very determined. He could appreciate that, at least.

What he couldn’t appreciate, however, was their tendency to get involved in all kinds of gossip. Or, to be more exact, how loud they tended to be, when they found a particularly interesting piece of gossip. Getting mixed up in other people’s business was their thing. But being obnoxiously loud about it and basically screaming their findings to each other in the classroom, got him involved too. And he hated being involved in anybody’s business.

People told him - quite often actually - he eluded an aura that made him unapproachable. That he always seems like he was going to snap and scream at someone. That really, people only asked him for help, when every other possible choice was eliminated prior.  Which was mostly bullshit, of course. Kirishima asked for his help all the time, without ever being scared of him. And he only really snapped when people got on his nerves for too long. Or when Deku was involved, which was the same thing really. Deku just got on his nerves a lot faster than other people. Still his ‘aura of unapproachable’ kept him from being involved in most of his classmates shenanigans.

Most, being the key word.

No matter how much he scowled, how much he glared or how annoyed the undertone in his voice got when he told them that ‘No, he did not care at all. He doesn’t give a rats ass about it.’ , none of this helped against Kirishima’s sunshine declaration of ‘They are finally, officially together’. Because, of course Kirishima doesn’t care about Bakugou’s obvious bad mood and his blatant disinterest on the topic. He never did. It was one of the main reasons why they were as good friends as they were. It was also annoying Bakugou to no end, at that moment.

“And who cares?”, he grunted, throwing his shoes up on the table and looking out of the window to drive to point home. And really, it spoke for the general mood in the class right now, that Iida didn’t even try to reprimand him for that. Usually this would be the start of an argument on being proper and respectful. An argument that both Kirishima and Deku would try to keep on the down low, by trying to mediate between the two. But right now, Iida’s attention was all taken by trying to calm the ruckus and getting everyone to sit down, before Aizawa would come in to start homeroom. For once, Bakugou could agree with Iida, even if he would never say it out loud. They were too damn noisy.

“You can’t be serious!”, Kirishima exclaimed and even without looking, Bakugou could tell that there was a big smile on his lips, “Todoroki and Midoriya danced around their feelings forever. This is a big development!”

“It’s two dudes kissing! No need to make a spectacle out of it!”, he retorted, shooting Kirishima a look which he hoped conveyed just how done he was with this. Ever since these two had shown up holding hands that morning, it was the only thing on everyone's mind. And after Todoroki had stated, in a very blunt way that only Todoroki could do, that yes they kissed, the whole class just exploded with euphoria. As if it was their personal accomplishment. Which it wasn’t, Bakugou wouldn’t even call it much of an accomplishment at all. It would have happened eventually, anyways.

“Well it was a long time coming!”, Kirishima argued back like it was his personal mission to make Bakugou see just how important this was, “You could at least be happy for your friends.”

“They’re not my friends!”, Bakugou argued instantly, before Kirishima got some other weird ideas in his head. Hell would be frozen over, before he called Deku his friend. He was just about to tell that to the dumbass next to him, when the classroom door opened, revealing Aizawa.

The man looked way too tired and done for a Tuesday morning, but today Bakugou resonated with that on a deeply personal level. He too wished that this entire week was over already, in hopes the waves of euphoria from the ‘news’ will have died down by next week. Realistically, he knew the chances were slim. He refused to think about that. Aizawa somehow managed to get all of the class to their seats and be quiet with just one look, so really Bakugou was mostly grateful for him that morning.

That gratefulness lasted exactly two minutes, before Aizawa announced another field-trip-turned-training-exercise. At least he had a month to mentally prepare himself for that.

__________________

That fact that he would need to prepare for that field more than just mentally, didn’t hit him until lunch break. And to be fair, he wasn’t really thinking about it then, either. He was actually just about to take a bite out of the Onigiri from his bento (that he had made himself and no, he wouldn’t make one for anyone else, no matter how much they begged), when Kirishima interrupted his peace yet again.

Bakugou couldn’t say he liked that tendency.

“Shit guys, does anyone have bug spray?”, he asked, mouth full with his sandwich, which honestly irked Bakugou even more than the question itself. Had no one ever taught this guy basic table manners? The answer was apparently no, no one ever bothered. Or maybe it just was a thing in their group, because both Kaminari and Sero also had their mouths full, when they exclaimed that no, there was no bug spray to have between them. Which was a stupid thing to be that aggrevated about.

“What do you need bug spray for anyway?”, Bakugou mumbled, after swallowing and he could already feel himself getting annoyed. What a stupid discussion to have over lunch, really.

“The training camp?”, Kaminari stated, his voice getting higher at the end, even though it clearly wasn’t phrased as a question, “I can’t have the mosquitos eat me up again. I swear, I’m just too damn cute.”

“Questionable”, Jirou said, wholly unimpressed by Kaminari getting mad at her and instead just opting to continue eating quietly. When she even got to their table, Bakugou had no idea.

“He is not completely wrong tho”, Kirishima said and Bakugou could see Kaminari in the background puffing out his chest and raising his chin, proudly. As if the idiot had any justification for being proud. He just stated a simple fact. “We do need bug spray for the mosquitos.” Kaminari visibly deflated at that. Bakugou, on the other hand, could feel his anger rising. Did that idiot really think Kirishima would agree that he was cute?

“Just go shopping then”, he said, just wanting to end this damn discussion. It wasn’t even useful, with the answer lying so obviously within reach. They all just liked to make a big fuss out of nothing. Exactly like that same morning.

“Can’t”, came a chorus of answers from all around their table with various excuses. Jirou had study sessions with Yaoyorozu. Kaminari booked the training hall, surprising everyone. Bakugou didn’t really care.

“I have time. Want me to get something for you guys?”, Kirishima volunteered starting what was possibly the worst verbal onslaught happening that day. Which said something, considering the ruckus these idiots had made that morning. Kirishima dealt with it very patiently tho, writing down who needed what. Which proved that Kirishima was way more organised than Bakugou would have given him credit for.

“Do you have anything planned this afternoon?”, Kirishima asked, with a strange undertone to his voice, that Bakugou couldn’t quite place. He could however think of where this question was headed. And he was quick to shut it down.

“I’m not going shopping with you!”

“Aw, c’mon man. This’ll be fun”, Kirishima argued, shooting Bakugou his best open-mouthed smile, presenting all of his teeth. If he thought that would sway Bakugou’s decision, he would need to think again. No way would Bakugou cave that easily.

“Find someone else.” And then to signal that this talk was really, completely over, Bakugou took another bite of his food. Kirishima just winked at him, unbothered by Bakugou being the way he is and instead turned around in his chair to face the table behind them. Oh no.

“Hey, Midoriya”, he shouted, which was unnecessary, because Deku was two arm lengths away at best, “where did you buy that super good bug spray again? You know the one you had for the last training camp.”

“That was Uraraka’s. She bought it at the mall. I don’t know the name of the shop, but I can show it to you. Are you free this afternoon?”, Deku answered, ever the helpful idiot that he was. Well, at least Kirishima found his shopping buddy. And Bakugou could be at peace.

“Sure am, thanks. Meet in front of the store at 3:30? I’ll bring Bakugou.”

No, he sure as hell wouldn’t. Bakugou was quick to voice that.

__________________

The question ‘How the hell did I get talked into this?’ went through Bakugou’s mind approximately a thousand times, between leaving the dorms and arriving at the shopping center. Which was impressive, because the way had only taken them fifteen minutes.

Fifteen minutes that Kirishima had filled with bright chatter, either blissfully oblivious to Bakugou’s mood or willingly ignoring it. He would regret this for sure. Bakugou would make him regret it. Later. For now, he was content to just listen to Kirishima chatter about anything and everything that came to his mind. It wasn’t the best use of his time, but it wasn’t the worst either. Not that he would ever admit that.

And so, while Kirishima’s chatter became a pleasant buzz in the back of his mind and Bakugou was starting to think about what he would need for their next training camp, he felt himself being more calm than he had been the entire day. Which wasn’t hard, not with the day he had, but it was still nice.

It was promptly taken from him.

Crossing the last traffic light separating them from the shopping center, where Deku was already waiting for them, he saw something. Something that made him want to turn around and go home again. To hell with Kirishima not wanting to go alone, that was no reason why he should subject himself to what will essentially be an afternoon of torture. There was no way Bakugou would just accept this like it was nothing.

Deku brought his fucking boyfriend.

“Midoriya, Todoroki”, Kirishima shouted happily, being way more enthusiastic than he had any right to. He sped up, holding up one of his arms to wave at them, which Deku promptly returned just as enthusiastic. Todoroki gave a way more timid wave and Bakugou decided he wouldn’t bother at all. No need to fake friendliness. Or that he wanted to be there.

“Kirishima, It’s good to see you”, Deku greeted, as if they hadn’t just spent hours at school together and Bakugou felt like punching something again. Why did he always feel to need to use those overly polite yet completely unnecessary phrases? Why couldn’t the idiot just be normal.

“We just saw them at school”, Todoroki pointed out and Bakugou would have nodded to agree with him, but he had his pride. No way he was going to openly agree with Deku’s boyfriend on anything. Even if it was criticizing Deku. So while Deku explained to his socially stunted boyfriend what a polite phrase was, which somehow developed into a discussion about whether or not those were time wasting ( Yes, they are, Bakugou wanted to shout, but that would be admitting to listening in on their conversations.), Bakugou started one last try to get away from all of this before it became even more of a waste of time.

“Hey Kirishima”, he addressed the boy, who looked at Deku and Todoroki with something close to a fond smile, “have fun third-wheeling on their date. I’m going home.” And with that he turned his back, hoping to get out before Kirishima could make an argument against it. A futile hope, really.

“No, come on, Bakugou”, Kirishima said in a voice that sounded an awful lot like begging, so much so, that it made Bakugou stop midstep, “I didn’t know he would bring Todoroki. Please don’t leave me alone, I don’t wanna be a third wheel.”

“And how am I supposed to help that?”

“Simple”, Kirishima, who walked around so he could face him again, smiled at him like he was the fucking sun himself, “You stay here with me, so I don’t feel left out all the time.”

“And why would I do that?”, Bakugou inquired, feeling how he got closer and closer to yelling out his frustrations. It was Kirishima’s stupid idea to go shopping with Deku, so Kirishima should be the one dealing with all of the consequences. By himself. He had no right to involve Bakugou in this.

“Because we’re friends?”, Kirishima argued, but Bakugou could tell by the way he winced at himself, that he wasn’t convinced by his own argument. He shouldn’t be. Since when did friendship mean having to subject himself to the drama that Kirishima essentially brought over himself. Old Bakugou would have laughed at him and went on his way.

But old Bakugou wasn’t really hero material. Old Bakugou also wasn’t Kirishima’s friend.

“Fine”, Bakugou grunted and Kirishima’s lit up immediately, “but you owe me.”

“Sure.” Kirishima smiled easily leading him back to where Deku and Todoroki were waiting for them, obviously finished with whatever they were doing. At least Deku had the decency to look ashamed and apologize for getting off-track (wasting their time, if you asked Bakugou). Kirishima waved the apology away and they finally got started shopping. Bakugou couldn’t shake the feeling that this was gonna be a long afternoon.

__________________

He was right, of course.

Todoroki and Deku continued to flirt incessantly. Bakugou had a burning pain in his eyes from rolling them too much and a new record in fake-gagging. Kirishima always reprimanded him for the last one. The idiots in question seemed painfully oblivious to their flirting, which made it that much more irritating. They promised they would stop everytime and then they just continued. Bakugou was about ready to scream the entire mall down.

Kirishima took it all way too lightly, in his opinion. He smiled at them gleefully and he even had the audacity to defend them, when Bakugou complained. Don’t you think it’s nice to be that in love? No, he didn’t. It’s annoying to be that in love as Kirishima put it. Could you even be in love after not even 24 hours of dating? Fat fucking chance.

“Get me some food, before I blast this entire mall down”, Bakugou grunted out, eying Kirishima dangerously. He wouldn’t actually do it, but if a threat got him some distraction, he wasn’t above using it.

“Sure thing”, Kirishima agreed, asking for preferences, before he went off. Deku accompanied him - not without making heart-eyes at Todoroki and only reluctantly letting go of his hand - and Bakugou didn’t even fight the urge to roll his eyes. Damn nerd being dramatic. Todoroki shot a knowing smile his way that only angered him more.

“What are you smirking about?”, Bakugou asked, very clearly hearing the annoyed undertone in his voice that failed to deter Todoroki. Like it always did.

“I don’t know. I just like the double date.”

“THE WHAT?”, Bakugou screamed, turning several heads towards them, none of which he cared about. What did the half-n-half-bastard just call this? He was sure he must have misheard. That, or Deku’s boyfriend had a very urgent death wish. One that Bakugou wouldn’t mind granting him, right now.

“Double date. Isn’t that what you call it, when two couples spend time with each other?” He had a death wish, Bakugou determined. There was no way he was really that dense. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Deku and Kirishima running towards them. They better be there fast, or there would be a real fight between him and that bastard.

“This is not a double date”, he gritted out, looking at Todoroki, daring him to disagree. Unfortunately, Kirishima was there faster than he expected, Deku on his heels. This was a disaster waiting to happen.

“Guys, what’s wrong, you’re making a scene”, Kirishima whisper-shouted when he arrived looking between them, as if he could get the answer from that. Instead of answering Kirishima - or focusing on his boyfriend like he had the entire goddamn afternoon - Todoroki decided to continue his chat with Bakugou.

"It feels like a double date to me", Todoroki said, ever the blunt one and Bakugou felt himself slowly losing it. Actually, not so slowly.

“What?”, Kirishima questioned, clearly caught off-guard.

“Shoto!”, Deku exclaimed at the same time, cheeks red and trying to get his boyfriend to pay attention to him again. Probably to dissolve the tension building between him and Bakugou. Bakugou for his part was ready to fight the bastard seriously.

“That’s not it at all! Bakugou and I aren’t dating”, Kirishima hurried to explain, putting himself between Bakugou and Todoroki while doing it, “We’re just friends. Nothing more to it.”

And that struck something deep within Bakugou. Something unpleasant, that he already hated, despite experiencing it for the first time. It was weird, nothing out of the ordinary happened - despite Todoroki’s absurd claim of course. Still he could feel his insides twisting, like someone plunged a knife in his gut. Instinctively he looked down to check, but saw nothing but his shirt. Weird.

He heard Deku and Kirishima try to explain the situation to Todoroki, but it was off. As if they were far away, instead of standing right in front of him. He caught a glance of Kirishima awkwardly rubbing his neck, while talking, Bakugou could see his mouth move, but he couldn’t make out the words. Like something was covering his ears. Kirishima smiled and his stomach twisted again.

He felt like he was getting sick.

“I’m out”, he said, not bothering whether or not they could hear him and then he swiftly moved. He needed air, to clear his head. And he needed to investigate their weird feeling in his stomach. That apparently correlated with Kirishima. Which could mean a lot of things.

It could mean anything, he tried to tell himself, while he made his way outside as fast as possible without his explosions accelerating him. He didn’t have the clear head to use them for that purpose right now.

It could mean anything, he told himself, when he heard Kirishima calling after him, a concerned undertone in his voice, that made Bakugou want to turn around. He wanted to snap, that he could take care of himself. He wanted to bathe in the knowledge that Kirishima cared for him.

It could mean anything, he insisted, when he finally made it outside and his feet automatically dragged him to the station. He took a deep breath, that helped exactly zero percent in the quest to clear his head and then he fiddled with his phone. He desperately needed the distraction.  

It could mean anything , he reminded himself later that night, after Kirishima had dropped off his forgotten shopping bags and asked if he felt alright. Bakugou told a half-lie about an upset stomach and Kirishima offered to make tea. Which he declined, because he could take care of himself, thank you very much.

Kirishima had brought up some tea anyways, paired with some bread because it was safer not to risk upsetting his stomach anymore. Then he told Bakugou to just knock on his wall if he needed anything else, like the considerate idiot he was. He gave him a big smile before he left, one which twisted Bakugou’s stomach again, but it was also accompanied by a squeezing feeling in his chest this time. And Bakugou wasn’t an idiot, he knew these signs, when he saw them.

It could mean you have a crush, a traitorous voice in his mind whispered. Bakugou hated himself, for how much he actually considered the possibility.