#of a truck my dad was thinking of buying off some guy when i was like seven. i took the coin but my dad didn't buy the truck 💀

[hillbilly---man]

Only 4 days until the 34th President of the United States, Dwight D. Eisenhower's birthday!

[machveil]

Has anyone brought to you the question of what type of car Konig drives? I can’t see him fitting in anything but a giant truck, but also the idea of him in a little VW Bug makes me wheeze. (Of course there’s always the third option of motorcycle, but that might just be because motorcycles are hot af)

OKAY ANON— you activated my brain and had me dig through a 300+ asmr playlist I have on YT for a very specific video so I’m going on a tangent and a half about this haha

I’ll start with the smallest thought portion because this is going to be long…

Retired!König strikes me as owning a motorcycle, first and foremost. he’s always liked the way they look, so now with a hefty savings account and ample free time, he’s decided this can be his retirement project. he could buy a new motorcycle, really treat himself, but this guy is a working man! he buys a beat up, ‘well-loved’ bike (even the seller was surprised someone was actually buying it)

even though Retired!König definitely has enough cash saved up to make the process of fixing the bike up fast… he doesn’t. he wants this to be a pastime he can keep up, even it means he can’t ride the bike for a long time. he’d order parts individually every week or so - smaller parts, maybe in batches. he’ll grab a beer, put on some music, open his garage, and let the neighbors have a show of him dismantling and breathing new life into this motorcycle

all in all, I think it takes Retired!König a year, a year and a half, to fully finish the bike (of his own volition). by the end it’s beautiful - new sleek paint, high end parts, the works. …he could possibly be so into it that Retired!König opens an actual garage shop and fixes up vehicles (mechanic!König anyone?). yeah, he’s retired, but having a hobby that makes you money? can’t say no to that, Maus

ANYWAYS, on to the meat and potatoes of this post

so, my beautiful, oh so smart anon, thank you for sparking my brain into remembering THIS VIDEO. you CANNOT tell me this isn’t König coded, the entire thing SCREAMS König to me (actually, the entire channel does, but I can only fangirl so much)

König owning a Jeep scratches my brain right - I’m not knowledgeable on cars/trucks, so if you think there’s a better off-roading/camping vehicle I will believe you 100%. also, I’m sorry, I’m watching the video as I’m writing this - König would definitely take his fluffy, little kitty camping with him. the guy in the video has a dog, but my cat dad propaganda will never stop

it doesn’t matter where or how old König is, he loves camping and immersing himself in nature - he needs a vehicle that can keep up with him. it started as a kid where he’d flee into the local woods after school or on weekends for alone time. he convinced his mama that he’d be okay if he camped out in the woods, and after one dinky camping trip he was sold. every chance he gets he’s off in nature - hiking, camping, he tried caving once but he was too big :( he liked the entrance to the cave though. he adores bird watching, definitely has high end binoculars. he’d buy a camera too, but he’d rather enjoy nature in the moment rather than fumbling to take a photo. König thinks that some things don’t need to be captured in a photo, it’s okay just sitting down experiencing it, just remembering it

so König enjoys having a vehicle that lets him get away from people, he doesn’t mind driving til he’s almost running on empty. he’d gladly drive out into the middle of nowhere just to sit down and take in nature. always carries a box of trash bags in his truck so he can pick up litter along the road. and, since his vehicle is what allows him to travel, he takes very good care of it

back to his Jeep, he decks it out like the guy in the video. when König camps he treats it as a ‘how long can I stay out here’ ordeal, or up until he has to go home for obligations. so König tries to maximize space, I’ll say it every time - König has a place for everything, he’s an organized king✨

I’m not going to lie, I’m just going to say look at the guy’s Jeep in the video. they way he has it set up is just how I imagine König’s Jeep - this guy has a net attached to the ceiling for supplies, I could see König bungee cording a cooler in the back (completely organized), I just have so many thoughts on König camping this is too much haha

I’m trying to stay focused on the car aspect, but like… camping with König :( I guess I could make that another post if people want to see that

I’m sorry the latter half was so all over the place, I tried to keep it simple and edit it down, but I couldn’t anyways… he definitely owns some type of car that can handle camping. I’m partial to this specific Jeep though, call me biased lol

I looked up that VW Bug and I’m SCREAMING, this poor man haha! he’d be so hunched over, anon, his poor back. König definitely loves the aesthetic/look of the VW Bug, but he’d rather deep clean his home than sit in that (which says a lot). if you own a cute little car he’d offer to drive you everywhere. he claims that he’s being a gentleman, that you shouldn’t have to lift a finger, but in actuality he just doesn’t want to sit in that cramped little vehicle. he’s so sorry, Maus, let him make it up to you by being his passenger princess?

[sopiao]

No idea if this is just me and my type or anything. but i 100% believe that König’s is not toned or entirely muscular. he’s a lil chubby, has that middle ground of dad and greek god bod.

You can tell he’s strong just by looking at him, muscles showing through and protruding out more when he flexes.

ramble :3

I am religiously devoted to the idea that he’s thick, and I mean thick. The muscular thighs, round tummy, biceps the size of your head, and an ASS. No plastic surgeon can recreate that ass.

Yes, I know that it is not canonically true. Let me dream.

I like to think that he was usually very insecure about this, his physique. He’d cut very often at the gym but he always somehow gains it all back. It was sorta obvious when you two started dating.

But ever since you two moved in together and you started cooking meals you found yummy on social media, started feeding him like a loving grandmother. Always insisting that he hasn’t eaten enough and adding more onto his plate, to which he happily accepts.

He’s always happy to taste test your little samples or treats. After a while of this going on, he’s more open about his body and looks around you.

(Side track: He loves it when you pack him a lunch, loves it when you put together a meal in a little metal lunchbox and a drink in a matching thermos. Every day he’d show it off to the rest of the KorTac members, proudly displaying his gummy bears and cheez-its in a zip-lock bag.)

You’d try to boost his confidence and make him more comfortable in his own skin by hyping him up. Whenever you link arms with him or hold onto his arm you squeeze his bicep and go “Ohh, looks like I got me a strong man”.

Or when you’re bringing things down from shopping or groceries you’d say: “I need my big, strong, guy for help”

Or just general silly lil compliments or comments.

Some mornings he’d be in the living room with just pajama bottoms, chest galore all out for you to see.

I actually love the idea of him having little love handles or a lil muffin top. Something you should totally expect the first time he does this. Cuddling with König would be nirvana. Big, muscly arms wrapped around your waist and shoulders with his barrel chest smothering your face. You can’t breath but telling him mean that it would end :(

Hugging him would the the absolute-fucking-best. Just the little layer of fat on his body will make him a bit extra squishier, a soft pillow for you to squeeze when your feeling stressed. The endorphins and dopamine just releasing through the ridges of your brain. (that’s the best how i can explain it T-T).

Muscly and thick thighs that you use as a pillow sometimes. I feel like you’d even use it as some sort of table when you two eat in the car.

Going back to that absolute dump truck. It’s to be expected that you always give a light tap or squeeze whenever he walks buy. AND as a pillow :3 Like when he’s laying on his stomach on the bed and he’s on his computer, acting like a lil school girl. You always take the opportunity to use that ungodly thick man as a pillow. Maybe sneak a bite.

König with a round face and chubby cheeks. A daily task to pinch and bite on them, always giving a soft squeeze whenever you pass by.

“Are you blushing?”.

“No *sniff* they’re sore from this abuse” .

“Oh”.

[thelampisaflashlight]

Some Swiss headcanons, because I am thinking about him. Let's go.

-The biggest ham you'll ever meet. He has dad jokes for days and will say the corniest things with greatest confidence a man can muster.

That being said, he absolutely does get embarrassed by some of the things he says, because he says them so sincerely, even he's caught off guard sometimes.

-More of a physical contact/quality time kind of guy when it comes to relationships.

He sometimes holds someone's hand if they're standing next to him or if he wants to show them something, even if they're not dating, because it's sort of his default, "I don't know what to do with my hands." thing.

And lastly;

-Swiss gifts people socks all the time. Chances are if he sees a weird pair of novelty socks at a truck stop or in a regular store, he's gonna buy them and give them to someone.

Even if he buys other things for them, too.

There will always be socks.

It's gotten to the point that if Swiss gives someone a gift and there's no socks, they get legitimately upset about it.

[ice-ice-lizzie]

Translation of the Thomas Bordeleau interview on episode 329 of the Sans Restriction podcast hosted by Kevin Raphael. Bold text was originally in English and translator's notes are in brackets. Additional notes are at the end.

Host: Tommy B on the podcast. Tommy B, do you have a new tattoo?

Thom: Mmmm. No. No. Not so far.

Host: It's the same? I haven’t seen [unintelligible].

Thom: (shows him the tattoos on his shoulder)

Host: Okay, ehhhhh.

Thom: I’ve got ‘Bordeleau’ like that (shows tattoo on his bicep) and ‘Bordeleau’ over here as well (shows tattoo on the back of his arm).

Host: Ohhhh. Ohhhhh. It’s like La Valle*. How’s it going Big Dog? Happy to see you, happy to see you, man. How’ve you been spending the summer? You’ve been training here [in Montreal]?

Thom: I’m doing alright. I haven’t seen you too often lately.

[both talking at the same time]

Host: We should go to L'Alliance. I have tickets. I have tickets for L’Alliance.

Thom: Yes, yes.

[both talking at the same time again]

Thom: But ummm, no, it’s going well. Just taking a break and then training. Our season ended early in (he pauses to think) mid-April?

Host: Yo. That’s on paper. (Laughing) Your season ended in mid-February. 

Thom: Exactly. Yeah, unfortunately. [Making playoffs] was not in reach that early in the season, but, uh, no, it is what it is. I took a month off.

Host: What did you do? When you were in San Jose and the season ended, you guys had your meetings or whatever the next day I guess?

Thom: Mmm yeah. On the next day maybe, or to give it some time, two or three days later.

Host: So you take care of business and then you come here?

Thom: They can ship your equipment.

Host: Oh! They ship your equipment?

Thom: It’s the teams who do it. It depends on the equipment manager and what they want. We’re lucky. But uhh I ship my car and I keep my equipment in my car so it doesn’t really matter.

Host: So you put your gear in your car and you send it all in a boat?

Thom: No, it’s just on a truck that drives it across country.

Host: Shit, Quebec is [unintelligible] man.

Thom: It’s expensive. Really expensive.

Host: Oh yeah? It’s bad eh?

Thom: It’s a little insane. Having two cars might be worth it. It’s a shit show shipping everything across the continent.

Host: Because you ship everything before [the season] and after [the season]?

Thom: Yeah. Now the team helps but at the beginning, (giggling) at the beginning I did it all.

Host: What’s the thing, that right now, you know, there’s the team, but did you ever think to yourself did I really pay for all of that at the beginning, for real man?

Thom: Oh

Host: There’s plenty of things in this job that I have to do myself, there’s a lot. There’s a lot.

Thom: Sometimes, just for simple things, like food or supplements anyways, like [unintelligible] for nothing. It’s funny I was talking to my dad and he said ‘when you’re playing everyone wants to give you everything for free but you don’t appreciate it until after your career is over because that’s when you need the paid promotions but no one wants to give them to you.

Host: My method is to buy clothes that I like, but after I put them on, I take a photo, or someone takes a photo, it’s on Instagram, put it on Instagram stories, and it’s like yo Kev’s wearing these clothes.

[both taking at the same time]

Thom: For free.

Host: I’m like I ain’t no bitch. Send the goods!

[both talking at the same time]

Thom: It helps to wear the clothing that they give you. Shout out Elwood. They sent me-

Host: Who?

Thom: Elwood.

Host: Where are they from?

Thom: L.A. It’s a brand from L.A. They’re good.

Host: Shout out. (looking into the camera) Yo Elwood! (looking back at Thom) Elwood?

Thom: (laughing) Elwood.

Host: (looking into the camera) Elwood L.A. Yo yo yooooooo. Sans Restrictions podcast needs some Elwood. 

Thom: Thanks guys.

Host: Tommy B needs some Elwood.

Both: (laughter)

Host: Ok, so the season ends and you come here but you’re not on vacation.

Tom: Yeah, I had to stay here for a bit because my grandmother has health problems that made it so we needed to stay here with her and my grandfather, then three weeks after we came here, we took a little trip to South Carolina to golf. It was nice. Incredible temperatures.

Host: It’s only me who can say ‘that shit white.' [Host is black]

Tom: Oh yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. Real white.

Host: South Carolina, bro? Like the people there are called Corwin. There’s no Mustafas, there’s no-

Tom: Yeah, there’s not a lot.

Host: There’s like ‘John’

Tom: (snorts) Richard.

Host: Richard. Paul.

[both giggling too much to say anything]

Host: But how’s the golfing down there?

Thom: Insane.

Host: You’ve seen my swing, man?

Thom: On the ice, we’d call it a slapshot, but that’s- that’s not-

Host: It goes straight.

Thom: Yeah, yeah it goes straight.

Host: I can still hear the sound of it-

Thom: But it can actually go too far. It can go too far.

[both talking at the same time]

Host: What’s your [furthest distance]**?

Thom: Not too far. 250? 300?

Host: That’s a lot. That’s a lot. What’s your problem?

Thom: Well, you’re right. I [unintelligible] yesterday. At the tournament, I mean not tournament, at the Benjamin Saint Just Foundation ummmm yeah. They did 400 for the longest drive of the day.

Host: You’re shitting me. This guy is fucking with us. Josh, we invite him on the podcast and he’s fucking with us a little. It’s laughable, Josh. Ok. So the season ends and you’re training how many times a week?

Thom: Everyday.

Host: Every day on the ice?

Tom: No, everyday in the gym. On the ice at the beginning, two times a week, later in the summer three, four, five times a week.

Host: Then how… The season is long. Bro, I listened to the games. I looked for you. 

Thom: (laughing through his nose)

Host: Shit, it’s long bro. How is it so long?

Thom: The hardest game of my life was the one that was 10 to 1 against the Oilers at the end of the year. 

Host: It was 10 to 1?

Thom: It was bad in every sense of the word. They were just getting through us all over the place.

Host: Oh shit.

[Both laugh]

Host: Ok admit it, admit it, it was 7 to 1 there, and-

Thom: No, but it was 4-0 after like five minutes and we were like oh my god.

Host: How does that happen? 4-0 after five minutes.

Thom: Well, we had a lot, we had a lot of our players who weren’t playing.

Host: Bro, 4-0 after five minutes is classic but [something I can’t make out about comedians in the NHL]

Thom: Yeah, It was tough. It was tough. A tough game. I think that-

Host: When it got to 9 to 1, was there any chatter on the bench? 

Thom: Well, no.

Thom: Well, no.

Host: Was anyone talking?

Thom: No. We were trying to do something. We were trying to play well. We were trying. The worst thing, I think, was, if I can remember, I think I’m right, but I think, it was 9-1 at the end of the second.

Host: Impossible.

Thom: Or maybe the beginning of the third, because I remember there was a good moment at the end of the game where we didn’t score but, like, we could have had, we could have had it.

Host: Bro. Did you ever have a game this shitty at Michigan or..? (trails off laughing)

Thom: Yeah… I’m sure. I’m sure. It’s tough. You don’t want to get into the habit of losing. You don’t want to develop that kind of mindset. I’ve never had that mindset. Each loss really pisses me off***. It happened so often, but it’s hard to develop an ‘ok, onto the next day’ mindset when it really pisses you off, when you want to win.

Host: At least this year they played you more.

Thom: Yeah, they used me a lot at the end of the year. I really, I found my game in the NHL. I found the optimal place for me, how I see the game, how I think about the game. It clicked.

Host: What was your favorite moment from this year? Not necessarily a goal but like was there a moment there that made you go nice?

Thom: Damn. Umm there’s a lot. Well, at the beginning of the year when we took our team trip to Napa, when I made the team after camp, after I made the team at the beginning of the year, then we took the team trip to Napa. It was my first team trip in the NHL. It was fun. I found it really fun. Ummm, then another moment, another good moment, it was really nice. it was one of those games where I scored twice.

Host: ‘One of’ (laughing).

Thom: No, but it was against Chicago and it was really nice because it was rare this year. It was tough for the fans because of how often we lost and even at the end of the year they showed up. It was really packed. It was a nice feeling, especially at home.

Host: Tell me about the Connor Bedard effect. You’ve played two games against him, right?

Thom: Yeah, two games.

Host: So what’s it like, the Connor Bedard effect?

Thom: It’s crazy. Everyone is already a fan. He’s like the next big thing****, he started with fans, like he already has a fan base. I guess everyone is talking about him, even the journalists.

Host: So, when you see him you want to give him [unintelligible but he does a hand motion like a punch].

Thom: (laughing) No, well, we have lots of friends in common.

Host: You have friends in common? 

Thom: Kent Johnson, who I played with in Michigan.

Host: Ohhhh, true. So you’ve already seen him.

Thom: We’ve crossed paths at NHLPA events and things like that.

Host: There’s going to be rumors, you know. They’re going to say ‘Yo, Tommy B is boys with CB’.

Thom: (laughing) No, no, we’re not boys. 

Host: No, but do you have boys, besides Kent Johnson, that play with you guys, that you play against in the NHL? You know, a lot of the time in basketball you play against someone a little and there’s a respect that develops and he becomes your boy, right?

Thom: Yeahhh, uh, not lately, just because I was moving up and down between the AHL and the NHL.

Host: You were up more than you were down this year, right?

Thom: I didn’t play badly, but I did play more down than I did up. I spent a little over half the season down [in the AHL]. They brought me up just before the deadline. [Unintelligible] playing with all these teams like that. In the AHL, the players, the roster changes so often. It’s really the guys from Quebec that stick together. 

Host: Do you talk to each other very often on the ice?

Thom: Yeah, sometimes. It depends on how you know each other, but there’s even times when you know each other really well but you won’t talk on the ice, just before or after.

Host: In San Jose, you’re the Barracudas?

Thom: Yeah, Barracuda. Yeah. It’s a really good place for the AHL. A new arena, a new dressing room. Listen, for me, the jerseys are good quality, everything is beautiful.

Host: Did you keep a jersey? Did you keep a Barracuda jersey?

Thom: I have a couple, I think.

Host: So you went to Napa, and you also played in the opening game.

Thom: It was a good moment, the opening game. 

Host: They said your name!

Thom: It was nice. My first opening game in the NHL. It was really cool.

Host: What do you say, [unintelligible] up in the NHL?

Thom: Uhhhh yes. Yes, but it’s just… It was the first time that I really did that up in the NHL and I want to appreciate it as much as possible.

Host: Were you able to sleep before the opening game?

Thom: Yeah, yeah I had a nap, yeah. Each game day I take a nap. We had a morning skate that morning, after that I went back to our house. I made myself eat. A lot of the time I’ll do normatec^, like I do a lot of things for my legs, just for recovery things for my legs, then I make myself eat. Just pasta all the time before I go to sleep.

Host: The same thing?

Thom: Bolognese. All the time.

Host: All the time?

Thom: Spaghetti Bolognese.

Host: You eat that before going to sleep, bro? That’s the sort of thing my coach told me never to do in gym class. Here comes Kev, you’re already a fat fu-

Thom: It’s a forty minute nap. 

Host: A forty minute nap?! [He says something about 20 minutes that I can't make out because they're talking over each other]

Thom: Quick, quick, quick. 45 is perfect for me.

Host: Now we know the demands of the NHL. Pasta and then sleep!

Thom: No, but everyone sleeps before they eat. Everyone has a pre-game meal in the NHL. I’ve done it ever since I came to the NHL.

Host: Oh, yeah?

Thom: Like, the pre-game meal is at one in the afternoon, two in the afternoon. You eat, you take your nap, you have a snack.

Host: Do you have a place far away from the arena or are you close?

Thom: Close. Just beside it. I live downtown. Right there in the middle of it. 

Host: Are there guys who stay there because they live too far away?

Thom: Where? At the arena?

Host: Yeah.

Thom: Oh, no, no. Morning skate is over at ten in the morning and we don’t have to be there for the game until 4:35.

Host: So your favorite game was the first game, but you had two goals against Chicago and then who else?

Thom: Ottawa.

Host: Ohhh, but Ottawa… [trails off with the implication that he thinks that Ottawa won the game].

Thom: Oh but us (starts laughing).

Host: (laughing harder) 

Thom: Like, we really played well that game, like we were good in that one^^.

[talking over each other]

Host: My guy said ‘us’. (lots of laughing) What song would you choose to put over your goal highlights when you put them on insta reels?

Thom: Damn. Right now-

Host: Not Like Us, by Kendrick Lamar. Yes!

Thom: (laughs) One of Wun.

Host: What’s that, One of Wun?

Thom: From Gunna’s new album.

Host: Oh.

Thom: Mmm-hm.

Host: Oh, yeah?

Thom: Mm-hm.

Host: Okay. That’s not North Carolina. [I think he’s trying to reference earlier when they were talking about South Carolina].

Thom: Nope. Not at all. Not at all. It’s far away.

Host: (mimes playing a banjo) Dinga-linga-a-ling, dinga-ling-a-long. Banjo! 

[both giggling]

Host: So, do you celly? When you-

Thom: I could but no. I don’t really do a big celly.

Host: You do the- (badly mimes the heart breaker celly)

Thom: Not really, no.

Host: Who does that one?

Thom: Kane.

Host: Ohh, it’s Patrick Kane who does it.

Thom: Yeah, the heart breaker (mimes the heart breaker celly very small).

Host: Yeah. Ohhhh, you know the name?

Thom: Yeah, you make the heart and then you break it after. (mimes the heart breaker celly).

Host: It’s a heart, bro?

Thom: Heart breaker. (mimes the heart breaker celly).

Host: I thought he was swimming!

Thom: No, no, no, no.

Host: I swear to you, no one knows that.

Thom: Well, that’s what it is. The celly is called the heart breaker.

Host: That’s a team USA thing.

Thom: Everyone who plays hockey knows about it.

Host: (to the producer) Bro, did you know about that? No one knows that it’s called the heart breaker.

Thom: Wow.

Host: We’re going to put that on tiktok. Who knew it was the heart breaker? What’s your favorite celly?

Thom: The heart breaker is beautiful. I’ve never done it but I think it’s great. When someone does it, it’s hockey. But it’s Kane who came up with it.

Host: Oh, he came up with it?

Thom: [He says something about Kane and showtime that I cannot make out]

Host: I like it when you jump. When you jump in your cellies, it’s nice. It makes for good photos. But do you guys celly after every goal?

Thom: A lot of the time I lift up one leg or go to my knees.

Host: Ok, that’s a celly. When someone scores and doesn’t even raise their arms, I’m like, man why don’t you, it’s fucking difficult in the NHL.

Thom: Yeah. Sometimes I do that, but it also depends on the goal and the game.

Host: Even if it’s 10 to 1-

Thom: I guarantee you when Edmonton was beating us 6 to 0 and we scored, I did not celebrate much.

Host: Ok. Are you satisfied with your season? What’s your evaluation? Your first real season.

Thom: My second. For the first one, I spent the majority of the year in the AHL. That was my first real pro season. 

Host: So it’s your third year?

Thom: My second full year. My second year that I finished. So I burned that first year when I signed after Michigan and played some NHL games and then after summer.

Host: Oh, it was games at the end of the year.

Thom: Yeah. Games at the end of the year.

(Both laugh)

Thom: Prime time! Prime time!

(they toast with their mugs)

Host: [He says something in English but I can not understand him] (pointing at Thom) He has good people giving him advice! He burned a game!

Thom: No, well, when you sign your contract after you’re 20 and you play a game in the NHL you burn a year.

Host: Mmmm.

Thom: But if you sign before you’re twenty, it’s ten games.

Host: Oh, so you did ten games.

Thom: No, for me it was one game.

Host: Yo, that’s crazy bro. I need your agent in my life, man.

Thom: Pat Brisson. Shout out.

Host: Yo, shout out Pat. Okay, there are lots of comedians who listen. Do you have some advice for them, because I have a problem with you. You, you’re so chill until the third period and then you go crazy. You go crazy! If there’s only 5 minutes left, we’re still sitting on the bench because we can’t play without you. What advice do you have, not for me, because I have a good shot like Antony Duclair, but if you had one piece of advice to give, what would it be?

Thom: Find… umm… the spot on the bench that’s the most comfortable.

Host: (shocked laughter) WOW.

Thom: I’m sorry. (big laughter)

Host: WOW. You there on the ice, such trash talk.

Thom: No no no. (laughing)

Host: It’s impossible. It’s impossible that you don’t trash talk. First of all at Michigan, you trash talked.

Thom: Oh totally.

(both laughing)

Host: Ok. Ok there. We’ve got to be PG, but what is your best trash talk? Your best PG trash talk?

Thom: The best trash talk was our student section at Michigan. They’d look for the families of the players, and they’d get their pictures and social media, ex girlfriends, tinder profiles, all of that.

Host: Shit. You dodged the question by saying that.

Thom: (laughter)

Host: It’s good, it’s good, it’s good. You’re nasty, man.

Thom: PR trained.

Host: You’re nasty. That’s how- no one was talking about it when you came into the league. You explained that it’s not a big deal, but after that, after three years, how do you manage the PR and all of that?

Thom: Uh, well for me, I’ve been lucky with my agent, Pat Brisson. The year before the draft, he had a camp in L.A. We did a practice draft. He made us watch a practice about the news about new supplements and then someone caused a concussion and at the same time-

Host: I caused a concussion..

Thom: (laughs) And at the same time there was an actor from Grown Ups-

Host: Oh yeah?

Thom: -who did our PR training about how to like, show your personality, without putting yourself in a bad spot. He prepared us really well. And then there was a little bit about how to do social media.

Host: It’s not a big deal but that’s not what Jean Sebastian [Dea] said. [Jean-Sebastian Dea's NHL contract was terminated shortly after he appeared on the Sans Restrictions podcast].

[both laughing]

Thom: No comment.

Host: I’m the only one that’s going to lose his job after this podcast. (laughing) Oh man. Okay. It’s true [unintelligible] after the podcast.

Thom: I don’t know about that, but I’ll be surprised if that’s what happens.

Host: Bro, man, [Jean-Sebastian Dea] texted, bro bro [Dea] goes all out for the podcast, okay? Then me, each time I feel like going all out-

Thom: Did you fact check it?

[I’m omitting like three sentences here that make no sense to me]

Host: He came on the podcast.

Thom: He came on the podcast at Christmas?

Host: No at the end of the year. The end of the year. Anyways, he said things, bro. I said what am I going to do with you, man. I said to Bruno [the producer], can we do that? Is that something we can put out? And he said yeah, we can put that out, so I did it and he lost his job. I felt so bad. They said terminated or whatever. I felt bad. I panicked. I texted him, not at the beginning, I texted him two days later, I said yo, my bad, man, he said no, it is what it is, I wanted it. I wanted to sign with the KHL. I said Man, fuck this mother fucker, man. I couldn’t sleep!

Thom: I felt bad!

Host: I couldn’t sleep, bro! But he comes on the pod all the time. He’s welcome to go all out on the pod, the Russians don’t blink, you can say whatever you want^^^. Ok, so what’s been the hardest thing for you right now during your transition from your first year as a pro to your second year? What was the hardest thing, apart from losing 10 to 1?

Thom: Getting sent down to the AHL in my second year.

Host: Oof.

Thom: Yeah, that felt bad.

Host: Did they call you? (mimes putting a phone up to his ear)

Thom: No, it was- At training camp, I made the team, and then I played, mm (he’s counting in his head) eight games? Nine games?

Host: But that went well, didn’t it?

Thom: Personally, I thought it did, but we went zero for ten in the first ten games.

Host: (giggling).

Thom: Something had to give. But you know, obviously, I was the youngest on the team, besides Eklund. And it was me, then Eklund. They wanted me to go back to the AHL. They called me on a road trip that was like seven games, which is a long time to be on the road. We went from California to Florida with stops in Nashville, the Hurricanes, all that. We were on game seven of the road trip and there was a rest day after game six, but before the morning of game seven, at the hotel, the GM called me and came and met me in the lobby. I’d been in the middle of taking a walk, because when we stay in Washington, it’s really beautiful in Georgetown, like around the Four Seasons. It’s really cute. So I was taking a walk, and I was like 15 minutes away from the hotel and he called me and I turned right around and I had a 15 minute walk back and I called my dad because I was sure they were going to send me down. They had just scratched me the game before. I played like 6 games, then I was scratched, then they put me back in the line up for two games, then my last game in the NHL before they sent me down, I remember it was against the Tampa Bay Lightning, we lost, like 8-0. We were more dominated than the game where we lost 10-1. It was horrible. I can’t remember anything except for one zone exit. I think that for me, that was a traumatic NHL game.

Host: He was traumatized!

Thom: One of the things that made me like that, [the zone exit] didn’t bother me until they sent me down.

Host: But that’s crazy, you didn’t have a chance-

Thom: Oh, no, no. Not at all, they tried things-

Host: But that’s not what you told yourself because, for me-

Thom: There was nothing to do, I was just trying to grind it out.

Host: I coach soccer. When the other team drives the ball to us there’s a moment where someone gotta do something.

Thom: Yeah, but…

Host: Hey. Hey.

Thom: But we didn’t necessarily have the tools to-

Host: There wasn’t someone to do something. 

Thom: We had Hertl, who did everything for us, but-

Host: Yeah, yeah, but he was all alone.

Thom: Yeah, and Couture was injured the entire season. He had a rough year, unfortunately. He came back for seven games. The seven best games for the Sharks by far. He’s a big piece.

Host: His impact is crazy.

Thom: He’s incredible, a great guy. The best dude ever. He’s really [unintelligible] you can’t replace him. He’s just there to help. He’s like another coach. If you have a question about anything you can ask him and he’ll answer you. He’s my go to when I have a question about anything, it’s him that I ask. He gives me an answer every time with pleasure. He really comes in clutch.

Host: Ok. You lost 8 to 0 and you were at the Four Seasons…

Thom: Yeah, 8-0 and we were at the Four Seasons, I took my walk and they called me, and when I got back then they started talking to me, and I said I think I know where this is going, eh they said unfortunately-

Host: That’s how they welcomed you?

Thom: Well, you know. I didn’t want… I didn’t want… There were other, really good players in the NHL, it’s a tough league. I didn’t want to seem like I had a bad attitude especially because I wanted them to call me back up as fast as possible. Just like, I wanted to play in the AHL and play good minutes, the power play, 5 on 5, and I did that, and when they called me back up to the NHL I wasn’t sent down again because at the end of the season I was playing my best hockey.

Host: And how did they announce that you were being called up again?

Thom: My AHL coach called me and told me, yeah you’ve been called up, you’ll practice with the others tomorrow.

Host: Ok, but talk to me about how it felt! When you were sent down you went from taking the jet to taking the bus.

Thom: Yeah. Yeah.

Host: What takes 2 hours in the NHL takes 12 hours in the AHL.

Thom: Exactly, yeah. It wasn’t that bad but my back did hurt.

Host: So they called you and told you you’re going back to the NHL. How did you react?

Thom: Ah. I was miserable because it was late at night and I just wanted to go back to bed, so I was miserable, but then they told me and I was really excited. And then I didn’t want to go back to bed because I, like, wanted to enjoy it as much as possible before going to bed because I knew as soon as I woke up in the morning it would be like boom business, so I went to bed trying to savor it.

Host: (pretending he’s Thom) Yay! They called me up! [unintelligible]

Thom: Yeah. You switch to a different mode. You enjoy each day. I spent a lot of time with the boys, all of them, even the older guys. It was good to see them again.

Host: So how does like, you’re the smallest one there, right?

Thom: Mmm hmm.

Host: You play like (gestures and makes zooming noise). I have season tickets for the Rocket [the Canadiens AHL affiliate]. Jesus Christ, those guys don’t look where they’re going. I said to Jean-Phillipe Vautier at the celebrity game when he landed a big hit on me, you saw that?

Thom: No.

Host: When he hit me?

Thom: Oh yeah, I think I did see that.

Host: He laid me out, I was like disrespect.

Thom: Me, I’m lucky. I have a guy called Bokondji Imama who changed division.

Host: Oh! You played with Boko?

Thom: Well, I played against him in the AHL.

Host: You played against Boko? Toughhhhh. Was Boko still there when you got sent back down?

Thom: (laughing) Oh, Boko, he’s my boy.

Host: he said, ohh, Boko he doesn’t fuck with me.

Thom: I hope. [unintelligible because he’s laughing so hard]

Host: I know that Boko switches.

Thom: Oh yeah, you see it. Alright, I remember looking for someone else and then, next thing you know, he’s suspended for three games. Damn. Boko’s a different beast.

Host: The toughest guy that I’ve ever met is Boko Imama.

Thom: He skates really fast, he’s the whole package. Shout out Boko Imama.

Host: I saw him at a Rockets game and he was punching guys. Everyone was like eh I’m good. He was pulling on their jerseys like this (pulls the collar of his shirt away from his body). I’m good, I’m good. You’ve never fought, right? You’ve never dropped gloves?

Thom: Me? No, never. I’ve never fought.

Host: You don’t have the taste for it? What’s the closest you’ve ever been to fighting?

Thom: Ah, uhh, there was a moment in the AHL during a back to back where I threw a punch but I didn’t finish it.

Host: It’s what you’ve got to do. I don’t want you to fight because it’s dangerous. (Looks to the camera, pointing) [unintelligible] you ain’t doing this shit. (back to Thom) But you’re capable and say you’re on a team and everyone is squaring off with someone, ok?

Thom: (barely holding back laughter)

Host: Do you look for the smallest guy? Do you scan the crowd or is it really-

Thom: It’s really- It’s the closest guy and if the closest guy is the biggest, you’re like fuck. If the closest guy is the biggest one I just try to keep- I just try to-

Host: What do you guys say to each other when you’re squaring off like that? Like, yo, We’re not the same weight class. You’re heavyweight, I’m lightweight. Do you say, 'it’s not my problem, it’s not your problem, we good? We good'.

Thom: A lot of the time, a lot of the time it’s like that, except for when the other guy did something cheap.

Host: Right, except for that.

Thom: Then there’s no choice. But like if a guy comes out of the penalty box, for something like a back check [laughing too much for me to understand him] (makes a fist and mimes punching someone)

Host: I have a concussion guys! Zach Patterson gave me a concussion. Ok ok. So the AHL, is it, I won’t say easier because there are people who don’t give full respect to the league, but-

Thom: It’s harder.

Host: Yeah. Oh It’s harder, eh? A guy like you has a good way of seeing things. You have good hands. Do you feel like you have more of a place in the NHL than the AHL?

Thom: A little. In a sense, yes just because there’s more finesse in the NHL. In the AHL I’m not a playmaker, I don’t decide games, whatever. There’s less control, it’s just less of a league, but at the same time, there’s enough skills guys on each team, it’s a very good league, but it’s a war every game. Fist after fist.

[someone off screen says something]

Host: You won’t watch AHL games?

Thom: It’s scary.

Host: Oh yeah, it’s more scary.

Thom: Yeah.

Host: Even when I watch the boys play, I text them during the game. (points towards the camera) Yo, by the way, if you play professionally, and you text me back while you’re playing you are a vagabond, ok? 

Thom: Yeah that’s weird.

Host: Yo there are so many guys. Yeah! You don’t do that in San Jose?

Thom: No.

Host: You better not.

Thom: (laughter) Put your phone away for the whole period.

Host: I won’t say who it was. I’m not going to snitch, but there was a guy who was texting me for two periods, who is in the NHL, during a very important game. I was working and then I saw a text from him and I was like, are you insane? And then he stopped responding. Do you get on your phone [during a game]?

Thom: No, but there are guys who listen to music on their phone, but no one is like texting (mimes holding a phone in front of him). Maybe sometimes there’s a guy who’s checked out of the game because he wants to text someone.

Host: Oh, huh. Are you going to go to Michigan?

Thom: No, but I went back at the end of last summer. It was really nice to skate with them, they’re a good group to skate with. I’m going to go back before the end of the year.

Host: But you’re not going for a game, for a presentation or anything like that?

Thom: No. No. Michigan, the regionals are in Saint Louis.

Host: Oh, yeah, I saw that.

Thom: We won against North Dakota.

Host: You won a national championship, right?

Thom: No.

[talking over each other- I can't make out what they're saying]

Thom: We lost the frozen four. Yeah. Tough game. One and done man. Tough game. All our season for one game, man.

Host: With all the talent you guys had?

Thom: Yeah.

Host: When you went back to the room and looked around you at all the talent-

Thom: Yeah.

Host: -did you say the fuck happened?

Thom: There were a lot of things expressed in that dressing room by the players there, unfortunately.

[both laughing]

Host: Yes! This is just for me. This is my overtime. What are you watching at the moment to relax?

Thom: I started-

Host: Rookie?

Thom: Alice in Borderland.

Host: What’s that?

Thom: (asking someone off screen) It’s what, Chinese? It’s like, like the same type of thing as Squid Games, but different.

Host: Would you do the Squid Games?

Thom: No, are you insane? It’s too much up to chance.

Host: But the game show version, would you do that?

Thom: Oh, the fake one? Oh yeah, well sure, I would do that. Will there be a Squid Games Quebec?

Host: Don’t give them the idea, man. They’re always looking for ideas. They have 100 USD hidden, what game do you think, without a team, which game could you do?

Thom: I’m trying to remember what the games were.

Host: There’s marbles, the one where you lick a cookie, there’s the, uhh, ice that you have to jump.

Thom: For me, I think the cookie one, or the first one where you have to turn around.

Host: Oh yeah.

Thom: It’s easy.

Host: Really, the cookie one?

Thom: Yeah, the cookie one.

Host: You’re not meticulous enough for that bro.

Thom: I’ll manage.

[both laughing. The host stands up and doubles over]

Thom: I have a wet mouth.

[both laughing more]

Host: Wooo. The podcast is almost over. The podcast is over, huh? Oh shit. I try to talk about business, because that’s what the podcast is for, but I also try to discover the person.

[Both of them laughing too hard to talk]

Host: You can’t make this shit up.

Thom: (takes a sip of water)

Host: I’m trying to reflect. I’m in a wedding, ok? (starts laughing again because Thom looks at him) Hold on, I’m trying to tell you. I’m in a wedding, and it’s all the same people together, and I’m in their wedding and at their wedding they have so many hockey players and I didn’t really know what was happening in the conversation but they explained to me, you know do your thing. Come on, Kev, do your thing, and after that I had 20 pros who were coaching me. Bro.

Thom: Like uncles.

Host: Best moment of my life. Best moment of my life. So I took their advice, you understand? It was theoretical, it was practical, right?

Thom: Yes.

Host: I did my thing, bro.

Thom: So you’re a pro now, or?

Host: No, no, no. My lady and me. She did my thing, bro. It was totally crazy. I woke up and I went to hide in the bathroom, and I texted my people like ‘yo, that worked!’

Thom: No way.

Host: Bro, since that day, bro, my game is at another level bro.

[both laughing]

[both talking over one another]

Host: (pointing at someone offscreen) You go out there (pointing at the door) and I’ll tell you (looking at Thom) something after.

Thom: Okay, okay.

Host: Okay, to finish, if they made a movie out of your life, what type of movie would it be? A romantic comedy, a thriller, what type of movie would it be and who would play you?

Thom: Damn.

Host: And don’t say Tom Holland, you’re too beefy for Tom Holland.

Thom: I don’t know, Tom Holland is pretty beefy.

Host: He goes to the gym?

Thom: Yeah, have you seen him?

Host: Tom Holland does not go to the gym.

Thom: He goes in Spiderman.

Host: Bro, that’s the wish version of Spiderman.

Thom: [unintelligible] Spiderman.

Host: Tobey McGuire is Spiderman bro. What are you talking about? I watched Endgame.

Thom: I have a special love for Tony Stark. I don’t know why, because Spiderman [unintelligible] Tony Stark.

Host: Really, Tony Stark?

Thom: Yeah.

Host: Really?

Thom: Yeah. Iron Man is just a different breed, different aura.

Host: Iron Man’s a little bit of a bitch.

Thom: You think so?

Host: Out of all the superheroes he’s the least powerful.

Thom: The least powerful?!

Host: Bro, he’s a robot.

Thom: But at the end- did you watch the movies? It’s because of him that everything works out! 

Host: It might be because of him that everything works out but-

Thom: The technology is insane. Insane.

Host: Alright, moving on.

Thom: He was able to beat Hulk.

Host: Hulk? Hulk isn’t that strong by himself.

Thom: Iron Man isn’t in the same division as the ones that can change reality-

Host: Oh those are whack, those are whack, man, Dr. Strange is a bitch, the day he’s not happy with the way things are he fucks off. The best one is Black Panther.

Thom: Dope. Dope.

Host: Wakanda! My king!

Thom: (into the camera) RIP. RIP.

Host: Ok so who would play you in the movie?

Thom: What type of movie?

Host: Clearly it would be a superhero movie.

Thom: Oh well, maybe. [unintelligible]

Host: [laughing too much for me to understand him]. Ok, so who would play you?

Thom: Who would play me? Uh, I like…

Host: (pointing at someone off screen) Help him.

Thom: The guy that played Harvey Spector, but like in a comedy movie.

Host: Harvey?

Thom: Harvey Spector.

Host: That guy is like 45.

Thom: You want someone that’s my age?

Host: Oh no, but I didn’t expect to hear ‘Harvey Spector’.

Thom: Okay but I don’t know actors that are my age. I think, in the world, like-

Host: Harvey Spector could work.

Thom: Yeah, I think for an adult me.

Host: Like a future you?

Thom: Yeah.

Host: And what would the title of your book be?

Thom: The title of my book? Damn. 

Host: I wrote a book, you know.

Thom: Oh really?

Host: I wrote a real book.

Thom: Nice. Is it good?

Host: This book is insane.

Thom: What’s it about?

Host: I can’t say.

Thom: Oh, so it’s not out yet. I’m sure I would have seen it otherwise. You made me think I missed it.

Host: Have you seen the Stanley Cup?

Thom: Seen?

Host: Yeah.

Thom: In my life, I think, yes? But I was young. As for my book, I’d call it bwater^^^^.

Host: bwater?

Thom: (holds up his glass of water) Bwater.

Host: Be water?

Thom: Be water. 

Host: Why?

Thom: Adapt. Change form according to your container.

Host: That’s fucking nice. Bwater I like that.

Thom: With a little b-

Host: Like a type of water? That’s great.

Thom: Marketing.

Host: Marketing, yo bwater. That’s a classic, you take off your jersey and underneath (he mimes opening up his shirt) bwater. Okay, last thing. Why are you wearing that hat? Are you a 49’ers fan?

Thom: Yeah, in San Francisco, San Jose-

Host: But are you a fan of the team?

Thom: Of course. I went to two games this year.

Host: A fan of the team for real?

Thom: Yeah.

Host: Y’all like to lose, huh?

Thom:  (laughter) It was a strong year for them.

Host: A strong year?

Thom: We’re doing good over here.

Host: You had two super bowls but you’re not in the Stanley Cup finals, you understand, so what are your extension requirements.

Thom: I remember we watched [the Superbowl] live in a restaurant as a team. We watched the TV like (leans forward and stares, eyes wide) what’s happening. I didn’t come back after they lost like that. But shout out to their insane season.

Host: Have you already told the guys on the team?

Thom: I haven’t said anything. I’ve seen Deebo [Samuel] at a shopping mall.

Host: You just crossed paths?

Thom: Yeah. He had shopping bags. He was with someone else.

Host: Did you say ‘What’s up’ to Deebo?

Thom: No, I didn’t say ‘What’s up’ to Deebo at that time. He was on a mission.

Host: In and out. (Laughter). I pass through that neighborhood sometimes.

Thom: Oh really?

Host: There’s [an In-N-Out Burger] in Montreal, did you know?

Thom: Is it uptown?

Host: No, it’s like, on Mansfield. There’s one over there.

Thom: But, no. The guys on the 49’ers I don’t know where they live, because the stadium is ten minutes from San Jose. It’s not in San Fransisco. 

Host: I don’t know where the guys are, but the stadium is insane, for example-

Thom: The stadium is sick but it’s ten minutes from San Jose, so it’s 35 minutes from San Francisco, you know?

Host: Have you had any other encounters with celebrities during the season?

Thom: During the season? Who have I met… (thinking)

Host: You don’t have a lot of celebrities in San Jose.

Thom: Uhhh, no we don’t have a lot in San Jose. At times at games we’ve had a couple.

Host: [something about Montreal]

Thom: We only come to Montreal once a year.

Host: Oh poor guy.

Thom: We come in the night before a game, maybe like 1 am and after we play, we leave.

Host: Tommy B?

Thom: Yo.

Host: Thanks a lot for coming on the pod. Do your thing. Off season. There’s no reason to work too hard.

Thom: Yes sir.

Host: Don’t say anything (turning towards the camera) PAY THE MAN.

Thom: (giggles)

Host: PAY. THE. MAN. Put the cash in his account! That’s all I’m asking! Lots and lots of cash! Alright. Pay the man.

Thom: Help your employee.

Host: (laughter) Help your employee. I said not to say anything and you say ‘help your employee’. [unintelligible] the poor thing. Shit.

Notes: *I'm not sure what La Valle is, or if I'm spelling it right. **I'm not sure how to translate this because I'm not familiar with golf terminology in English. ***The french phrase I’m translating as ‘pisses me off’ literally translates to ‘makes me shit myself’. Just a little french lesson for you guys. ****Thom said ‘le nouveau Kid’ like referencing Sid the Kid but translating it to ‘the new kid’ has different connotations in English than it did in French. ^a type of compression therapy ^^The score of the game that Thom is talking about was San Jose 2, Ottawa 1. Thom scored both of San Jose’s goals. ^^^The host is probably unaware but Dea’s KHL contract had already been terminated by the airing of this podcast. ^^^^This is probably a pun. L’eau is the French word for water, like in Bordeleau.

[mr2swap]

Take it easy son!

-Okay dad, you already had fun and relived your time of youth and glory now give me back my body and my life or I'll tell mom about the statue you used to exchange our bodies, I know you keep it in the safe in your office! -

I can't believe that my father fucks me like that, he tricked me into touching his fucking magic statue to exchange our souls and have fun with my life and my youth, being a fucking old man sucks I thought it would be fun at first like in the movies and I would learn to see the world with a new perspective but every day I wake up with a backache that doesn't stop until I fill my mouth with a dozen pain medications, my father neglected his body and now I have to live with his huge belly, his thick mustache and with his painful infection every time I go to urinate, my mother has incited me to go to the doctor but I will not let anyone see the tiny and dysfunctional cock that now hangs from my obese crotch.

I have no fucking idea how to do my dad's law job every day all I do is go to his job and drop my fat ass on my dad's office chair for 8 hours and pretend he worked at the computer so that my mother doesn't suspect anything, I have tried all the combinations that I can think of to try to get the fucking statue out of its safe, reverse the exchange and return to my body but I have tried all the possible dates since mom's birthday up to mine and nothing seems to work.

and while he has fun using my fit body to fuck a bunch of random girls and guys in my old room, partying with my friends, and winning my track meet thanks to my long hours of training I sit on the stands next to my mother watching as he shows off my muscular body flexing his biceps to the public after winning first place.

-Wow! take it easy son, there's no need to tell your mother our little secret, she's only been in your body for a couple of weeks, listen, I'll make it up to you when we change again, your birthday is near, isn't it? How would you like to have a new car? I think it's time to change that junk car you have for something better, it's a bit embarrassing to have to move around in that coffin with wheels-

“HEY DAVID ARE YOU COMING? OR ARE YOU GOING TO TALK TO THAT OLD MAN ALL DAY?”

The voice in the distance almost made my heart stop, Monica my girlfriend was sitting in the backseat of my old car with my best friends and her girls, I had not seen or talked to her since my father put me in his obese 250-pound body.

-look, son, we'll talk later, I have things to do…- She ran out using my long and muscular legs and jumped into my car, and left without looking back. leaving me standing there in the middle of the field like an idiot while my mother slowly came up behind me.

-Hey Joe, are you ready to go? I want to go to the mall to try on some shoes for church before I go home- I looked at my old mother who came slowly to kiss my fat cheek and take my hand to walk with her back to dad's truck.

I sighed and walked with her swinging my hairy belly until I got to the car, I just hope my dad doesn't make any more excuses to give me back my body, My parents' wedding anniversary is near and I don't even want to think about what he has prepared for me. mother... maybe I should buy him a gift with my dad's credit card in case my father decides to extend his stay in my body longer, I don't want to make my mother angry and make me sleep on the sofa, my back wouldn't take it.

Hey! You can support me to continue creating stories, see similar stories on my patreon, you can also join my discord if you are interested in role-playing about bodyswap, possession and transformation, m2m!

[coimbrabertone]

I Guess We Gotta Talk About Andretti...

So, I've been rather negative when it comes to modern F1 on this blog, and unfortunately, we gotta go there again this week.

So, this week, at Indycar's Long Beach Grand Prix - which turned into a pretty good race at the end - Mario Andretti was interviewed when it comes to his son, Michael's, bid to bring Andretti to Formula One as an eleventh team.

Mario, the 1978 Formula One World Champion, said that he's offended and finds it ridiculous that F1 has rejected the application, that Andretti has worked hard to create a deal with GM, has promised to support drivers in F2 and F3, and that value is added to Formula One by having an eleventh team. Basically, Andretti has met every hurdle that FOM has put ahead of them, and what have the FOM and the teams done in turn?

The teams are trying to get a ten-team limit put into the new Concorde Agreement.

Do I think that Andretti would instantly fix all my problems with modern F1? No.

Do I think F1 would be more interesting with another team? Yes.

Why? Because first of all, so many drivers have been stuck on the outside because there's too few seats in F1. Felipe Drugovich is doing fuck all this season because he couldn't get an F1 drive as a runaway F2 champion. Theo Pourchaire, the next F2 champion, is about to do his second Indycar race this weekend with Arrow McLaren. Mick Schumacher, Callum Ilott, and Robert Shwartzman are all in sports cars after super promising F3 and F2 careers. Marcus Armstrong is in Indycar, Louis Deletraz in IMSA, etc, etc.

Even Oscar Piastri, who has one of the most successful junior careers of recent memory, had to take a year off and ended up debuting with McLaren instead of Alpine.

All of these guys who could have F1 seats are instead doing amazing things in other series. Meanwhile, Lance Stroll has an Aston seat because his dad owns the team, Yuki Tsunoda has an Alpha Tauri seat because Honda wants a Japanese driver, and Daniel Ricciardo is his teammate for reasons that even Red Bull seems puzzled about at this point.

Adding two seats in F1 could improve that situation.

At least one of those seats would likely go to an American, and maybe Logan Sargeant has soured some people's tastes towards that, but hey, if you're going to have three races in the US, you're gonna need American talent to help support that interest.

Haas sure as hell isn't doing a good job of being an American team. Hell, Haas isn't doing a good job of much of anything. They have no ambition, they have two safe, boring, older drivers who will score a few points every once in awhile and let the team collect its prize money check at the end of the season. There's nothing exciting about that, Haas isn't going to have some young charger to breathe life into the back of the grid, Haas isn't going to master the 2026 regulations and give some amazing Brawn storyline, they don't even make their own cars - they have Dallara do it.

Andretti is going to have more ambition than that, I can guarantee that if nothing else. Andretti has three full time cars in Indycar, a bunch of cars in Indy Lights, two cars in IMSA in association with Wayne Taylor Racing, and is potentially laying the groundwork for a move into NASCAR as well.

Marco Andretti is in Trucks while Gainbridge, a major investor in Andretti, has been popping up on the Spire cars, along with rumors that Gainbridge and Andretti wanting to buy into the team.

All of this along with a share in an Australian Supercars team, a Formula E team, and Extreme E. They're a global team that isn't afraid to spend money. They're trying to win championships in series across the world.

F1 doesn't think all of that is good enough.

Why? Because that would mean the teams have to split money eleven ways instead of ten. That's it. That's the entire reason.

Paddock space? Space for twenty-six cars is written into the rules.

Value added? Look at all that stuff above, Andretti isn't coming to F1 to fuck around, and even if it was, half the grid is doing the same thing.

It's all about the money.

As much as I fully believe Andretti is overqualified for F1, I almost want them to say fuck it and abandon F1, put the money into the rest of your series. Marcus Ericsson, Kyle Kirkwood, and Colton Herta are competitive each and every week in an Indycar series where being a few tenths off could put you at the back of the field. The #10 and #40 WTR Andretti cars in IMSA are major championship threats. Plus, if Andretti can get that Spire deal and get into NASCAR, that's a sport that's experiencing its own resurgence in popularity.

I know NASCAR is very much focused in the US but having 4.3 million viewers for Talladega this last weekend is four times the ratings that F1 pulls, and everyone's talking about how big F1 is becoming in the US. F1 is getting all these American sponsors and American races, but whenever it comes to letting more Americans into the sport, there's always this hostility.

Motorsports is more than just F1, and the more F1 turns up its nose at the rest of motorsports, the more it alienates fans like me.

Which is a damn shame, because F1 was my first love in motorsports.

[gaygoetia]

Background Details in Helluva Boss S1 E5 - The Harvest Moon Festival

Millie's Family

We can see from the family photos in Millie's parents' home that Millie has three brothers in addition to her sister Sallie-Mae, though their names aren't mentioned in the episode. We see two of them briefly helping load pumpkins into their dad's truck, looking visibly older than in the family photos.

Also this isn't a background detail as such but unlike most female imps shown in the series, Sallie-Mae has striped black and white horns and her hair is white at the roots, implying that she dyes it. This suggests that Sallie-Mae is a trans woman, something which I believe has been confirmed by the show creators and/or the trans voice actress who plays her.

Moxxie being a theatre kid

There are several fun references to Moxxie's love of musical theatre in this episode, including the music notes on his wallpaper and alarm clock and theatrical posters in his bedroom. His phone case says "I don't cry, I sing" and the stickers on his suitcase also reference the theatre (one says "break a leg" and the other is a picture of tragedy and comedy masks)

Striker's Motel

The Motel Striker stays at is called "The Hideaway Motel" and the guy that tried to kill you definitely isn't there.

Blitzo's Car

Once again the little horse decoration makes an appearance but we also see that the back window includes a decal of Blitzo, Loona, Moxxie and Millie.

Stolas being horny for imps

Just a couple of Stolas details this episode but both relate to him having a thing for imps.

The book he's reading at the dinner table while Stella is openly making arrangements to assassinate him is called "Imps in the sheets".

He's also fanning himself pretty emphatically when Blitzo and Striker (both of whom he's canonically attracted to) are wrestling in the mud. This may or may not be for horny reasons but knowing Stolas it probably is.

Blitzo's Horse Thing

Blitzo's thing for horses manifests in this episode mainly as him admiring Striker's hellhorse Bombproof. Don't have much to add to this except look how cute his lil face looks! If Stolas witnessed this he would probably buy Blitzo a horse on the spot.

Blitzo and Stolas' bedroom scene

I wasn't sure whether to include this because once again it's more foreground than background details, but I thought while I'm talking about this episode I might as well.

This scene is probably the most insight we get into Blitzo and Stolas' sexual relationship. It starts with Stolas tied to the headboard and absolutely beaming so clearly something kinky has just gone down. This is also apparent from the harness he's wearing and the ball-gag around his neck (which additionally references the fact That Blitzo doesn't like it when Stolas talks about/during sex)

Another thing I thought was interesting in this scene is that Stolas stubs his cigarette out on Blitzo's horn to no visible reaction on Blitzo's part. This leads me to believe that imp horns either don't have pain receptors or that they have some level of fire resistance even within Hell which is preventing this from harming him.

I also think this moment and this scene in general is a great example of why Blitzo thinks that Stolas views him as a novelty and a plaything. This gesture is so casually objectifying and Stolas' tone of voice comes off as quite condescending. I don't think either of these things is intentional on Stolas' part but it shows that Blitzo's cynical view of their relationship hasn't come out of nowhere.

That's it for episode 5 but you can see all my other Helluva Boss background details posts here.

[minyardapologist]

The foxes as drivers: Ranked best to worst

Preface: this is based slightly on facts and mostly on vibes; as a Kentucky driver I’m also judging mostly on the god awful country backroads I’m assuming South Carolina has

Neil: surprising? You’d think. But no. Bro is the most cautious driver in the world without the additional anxiety because he was taught getting pulled over Is Not An Option. If we’re basing “good driver” by state law standards he’s our top guy

Andrew: is he canonly a reckless driver? Yes. does he still have razor sharp instinct for driving? Also yes. His parking is shit by choice but you need never worry about getting in an accident. Unless you pissed him off.

Dan: ofc she’s a sensible driver. It’s Dan. She’s the sweet soccer mom driving her kids to practices every Thursday

Nicky: gays can’t drive? This one surprising can. king of not giving a fuck. Has been driving the backroads around greater Columbia since 16 trying to stay out of his shitty home life. Force of nature. Can get a little over confident sometimes tho

Renee: I hate to put her down here but Renee gives the vibes of the 20 something yo that hasn’t bothered getting their license yet. Still when she can finally drive she does so with out drama

Matt: didn’t he grow up in New York. That says a lot. Decent driver but can be a little silly goofy sometimes. Might get a speeding ticket just because he wasn’t paying attention to the speedometer

Allison: is the reason all the Starbucks in the area have scuffed curbs. Yep she’s that girly. If Nicky’s the king then she is the queen at Not Giving a Fuck

Aaron: has some of the worse driving anxiety/phobia you’ve ever seen. Oh shit I wonder why maybe it has to do with his brother expert level unaliving his mom with their car. Does he have a license? Yes because Nicky made him get it. Does he use it? Literally never. Is a nervous wreck both driving and being in the passenger seat with his brother (Andrew is aware of this and thinks he’s fucking stupid for it) I don’t think he buys his own vehicle until he goes off to med school. As cautious as Neil but with the extra extra anxiety

Kevin: LMAO you think he has a license? Bro has never even sat In the drivers seat of a car in his life and does not intend to what are you on rn

Seth: he’s dead

(Bonus)

Wymack: my friends dad who I assume has driven for nearly 3 decades recently sent his truck into a ditch because he hit a backroad curve too fast so. That’s wymack

[keyh0use]

Chapter 2

I swear I'll get around to actually writing this soon, but have some parts of the outline for Chapter 2

♡ When Rafe and Barry decide to make things official, and then go public, no one is surprised.

♡ They say I love you to each other right off the bat, because they felt it way before it was okay to admit

♡ Sarah claims she's the reason they came to their senses

♡ Ward was already well acquainted with Barry, but started requesting the two spend time alone like he does with John B.

♡ The Cameron Patriarch brings up marriage a lot, just to see if Barry will squirm

♡ Wheezie claims Barry as her very best friend

♡ Both siblings, though they always loved their brother, find him much more tolerable to be around, not nearly as high strung and angered as easily.

♡ Once Barry had approval from both Ward and Rose as a suitable partner, he was awarded a key to Tanneyhill.

♡ Barry does disgusting, degrading things to Rafe all over the mansion.

♡ Rafe had been living with the dealer for almost a year prior to the relationship, so it seemed silly to not make that official, too.

♡ Only Ward was absolutely against it. He hadn't been able to win over John B. and Sarah, but Barry fucked around with some dangerous people in the past, so he was willing to let the real estate expert find them a home close enough to the south side to make the man's commute to work not suck, while still allowing the kook prince his status.

♡ Rafe never thought of himself as the type to be so particular over interior design, but he and Topper go to the mainland and spend forever picking out the perfect furniture.

♡ And then the kooks make Barry and his friends unload the truck and build everything

♡ Barry lives to take care of Rafe. It's his favorite thing, knowing instinctively what the boy needs and doing it before he even needs to be asked.

♡ Rafe's counter argument everytime Barry brings up having kids is: "Spend some one on one time with Wheezie, you'll change your mind."

♡ But Barry loves Wheezie, and he won't change his mind and secretly Rafe doesn't want him to, starting to feel ready to sit down and really talk about it.

♡ For now, Rafe's baby is his boat, graciously signed over to him from his dad. The boy spends countless hours fixing things before they break and sailing and forcing Barry to join him, which he always does because he likes how pretty Rafe looks in the glow of the sunset while bouncing on his lap, both of them damn near breaking longue chairs by being too rough every single time.

♡ It's mandatory for the couple to attend all sorts of kook events. One night after the two stumble into their cute home after a few too many expensive drinks, Barry admits he loves when Rafe forces them to match outfits.

♡ There's not a single anniversary or engagement party or family dinner or anything else where Rafe hasn't snuck off to get fucked in the bathroom, Barry's hand clasped over the boys mouth to muffle the slutty moans he's not even trying to hold in.

♡ Rafe will try to tame his sweaty hair and use cool water to get rid of the flush to no avail. John B. will fist bump Barry just as Sarah clues in with ew, gross.

♡ Both men are big fans of PDA, jealous and possessive despite having no reason to be.

♡ Rafe likes being told who he belongs to, whether it's while the older man is buried balls deep inside him or sleepily mumbled against his neck before bed.

♡ Some guy comes in to buy a ring for his soon-to-be wife, asking for Barry's advice. Barry has a lot of thoughts regarding jewellery, and when the customer asks if he's married the man says, "Nah, but my boyfriend's into all this stuff."

♡ After the guy has left with a dainty ring, Barry spends the rest of his shift pacing the floor trying to think of how he'll possibly grow the balls to ask Ward fucking Cameron for his only sons hand. Stupid kooks and their traditions.

♡ But then some lady makes a comment about someone like Barry being with someone like young Mr. Rafe Cameron at Midsummer's and Ward is the first to jump to his defense.

♡ "Don't listen to people like that, son. Some of these folks are too stuck in their ways," Ward says reassuringly, arm slung casually around Barry's shoulders.

♡ Topper and Barry fight like brothers, Rafe always having to break them up

♡ They have a "guest room" which Wheezie has made all her own, some of her stuffed animals on the bed and posters of Taylor Swift on the walls

♡ Barry enlists Sarah's help to find a ring, the girl squealing and grabbing onto him in excitement every few minutes for literal hours

[vanosslirious]

BBS Dialogue Prompts: #304

BBS Prompts & Sentence Starters: [ 9 ]

VANOSSGAMING

I promise you if you leave me here, I’ll be here when you get back.

I thought you were actually flying.

Oh shit, the circle, I’m so distracted.

How do I shoot?

Wait, is that you?

Everything seems fine right now, nothing out of the ordinary.

Wow, what a coincidence.

How did you lose your car?

You got what you were asking for.

He has fucking guns...again!

Yes, genius, you're a fucking genius!

You’re blocking the door.

I didn’t do that.

We’re currently at 0 out of 5 at what we’re supposed to do.

I’m going to the helicopter.

How do I put you in there?

I dropped you on the floor.

We're doing the plan we said we were going to do.

I thought we were safe.

10% of the time, your ideas work.

TERRORISER

We get this son of a bitch, and then we run away.

Nope, he's running away.

I missed all of my shots.

I'm single, please approach.

Yeah, I'm on it, bitch.

You're so negative around Christmas.

Let's go check out that safe.

Okay, this is definitely not someone from our group.

That marks off a lot of us.

I don't like this man, you're fluent in this fucking game.

Ms. Vixen

Oh God, I'm falling, oh shit.

What the fuck, I'm not!

What do we need to buy, guys, what do we need?

That was really loud, that was very high pitched, I'm impressed, babe.

What the fuck, you guys fucking suck!

How are you not dead, he literally just walked right up to you.

He's dead, thank fuck.

He's back again, oh God, oh God.

I'm dead, I love you!

Do you see what I'm working with?

SILENTDROIDD

We should be fine around here.

I’m pretty good with my hands.

Oh, we're stranded!

Somebody sneezed.

Should we take them to the hospital?

What do you mean, it's pretty scary.

Somebody sneezed again.

Guys, the door is locked.

Hey, ghost, are you here?

This might be a trap, she could be possessed.

SMII7Y

Where’s the heart?

Is he bleeding?

I’m pretty proud of us for taking this long to make that mistake.

No, I was going to cut his head off!

Aren’t we all nearly thirty?

Don’t push me towards him, bro.

You’re fucking done.

Why are we so mean to each other?

What the fuck did you just do, do it again!

I have no other friends, my friends.

GRIZZY

Have you ever thought about just getting off?

I'm stuck on top of you.

I'm so scared.

I really hope they don't check this.

We survived and still got bodied.

They are frozen.

I'm going to destroy things close to us.

Is this small enough?

I'm about to go to war with some bitches!

I think dad's on the motor again.

BLARG

Have you tried eating a live bear?

The bears aren't keen on being eaten…live.

I'm thinking fifty more days.

It looked like it just laid an egg.

I got bonked in the head by a fucking semi-truck.

What a beautiful day to sit inside to play this shit fucking video game.

Not everyone at once.

Hey, boys, can we step it up here.

I don't care who you are, you're not winning here.

Oh God, I thought I was gonna throw up.

BIGPUFFER

Try smoking now, bitch, see what happens.

I can't believe I'm alive.

You deserve that, bitch.

I'm definitely going to make it.

This is awful.

I just heard a shotgun.

They just ran past us twice, did you not see them?

Did you guys get his ectoplasm?

I'm back, baby!

It's very obvious where we are.

NOGLA

It's not my fault I'm so smart.

You guys used to be cool.

Alright, fuck it.

I'm controlling it with my feet.

You’ll never get me.

This is the idea, are you serious?

Why are you suddenly turning on me, what the fuck happened?

You are one cheating son of a bitch.

You crashed my game.

I heard that thud, bro.

[dothemacarena]

This morning I went to head to work but felt something wrong with my car before I got out of the driveway.

Flat Tire

Decide to just call in sick instead of borrowing roommates car or calling an uber because I have been wanting a mental health day and I can use the time to change the tire.

Now I know how to change a tire, but I have never done it fully myself. I have had my dad with me in the past. And I could get help from the aforementioned roommate, but I want to prove to myself that I am a strong independent woman who can change her own tire if it is ever needed on a road trip when I don't have a roommate handy.

Task 1: get the spare out of the trunk.

I have to remove a few things from my trunk (oil, wiper fluid, emergency blanket, jumpers, car powered air pump) but I get to the secret tire easy enough. Getting the tire out is a little harder then is supposed to be. There is supposed to be a rope wrapped around it that can be used to pull it out of the perfectly wheel sized hole but apparently whoever last put the spare in forgot it, but with a little work I get it out. Not too bad off to a good start.

Task 2: Get the stupid lug covers off.

I don't know if all cars have these but my car has these little plastic covers over the lugs that have to be removed before a tire iron can be used. (theft deterrent?) They have a little hole in the center where you stick a allen wrench or screw driver to pry them off. I spend way longer than I felt like it should take getting them off and I partially broke one in the process, but I have spares in the glove box.

Task 3: loosen the lugs.

This is the part that I always though would be the hardest, the think most likely to prevent me from changing my tire in the real world. I have a four way tire iron, and the spare came with another one, but my dad always said the four way ones were better so I put it on a lug. I stand on top of it, I jump up and down on it, I jump up and down on it more.

Nothing. Not a single inch of give. If I was on the side of a highway this would have to be when I give up either calling someone for a rescue or hopefully some friendly guy in a truck has pulled over to help me because I simply can't exert more force.

Luckily this did not happen on the highway it happened at home in our garage full of things. So plan #2 I climb up to the other half of our garage (which is usually up three steps but the steps broke so it is just one BIG step right now) I look for a metal pipe for more leverage. None to be found. Lots of PVC, but I think the PVC will give out before the bolt turns. I grab a piece and try it anyway I get a good amount of bend in the PVC and stop there before I break it. PVC is a no go.

Plan #3 I climb back into the upper garage, return the PVC pipes and grab a big sledge hammer to try hitting the tire iron. I get a few good whacks in, but it doesn't seem to be working. It's a dud. I return the sledge hammer trying to think of a plan #4. I climb down from the upper garage and notice something I missed before a length of metal pipe hidden amongst the big exercise equipment that never gets used this could be it!

Plan #4 the pipe is kinda rusty , pretty thin metal, and it doesn't fit on the tire iron, but luckily it does fit on the other tire iron 🎉. I slide it on and get to work. It is still hard. I still have to stand and jump on it, and it makes several disconcerting noises and cracks as I go (it is thin rusty metal after all) but I do it I get them loosened enough that I can turn them each without using the pipe extension or jumping. Plan 4 succeeds and I mentally note to buy a length of pipe for my trunk.

Task 4: Jack shit up

I have the jack that came with my vehicle/spare and it has a little sticker on it showing how to position it. I put it in place, put on the crank and crank it up. It is a little tedious and tiring but not to bad. Now that the really hard physical part is done and the less physically taxing possibly complicated step is complete it should be smooth sailing.

Task 5: Remove the lugs

Since I loosened all of the lugs pretty far earlier this goes fairly quick and easy, though my fingers are starting to ache. (it doesn't help that I went rock climbing last night). I get the lugs all off and in a pile for later.

Task 6: Removing the wheel

This by all means should be the easiest part. Everything that holds the wheel on has already been removed. I pull the tire. It doesn't budge. I re-grip and pull from a different spot. Still nothing. Maybe if i pull from the rim. Nope. I am getting frustrated at this point. I kick the tire and rim several times from different angles. Still on.

I go inside to eat lunch and try to look up if there is something I'm missing. Wiki-how says if the wheel is stubborn to hit around the rim with a rubber mallet. After eating I grab one and go whack it. I repeat several cycles of hitting it with the mallet, kicking it, and trying to pull it off. I am making no progress. I climb into the upper garage again and grab some WD-40. I spray it where the lugs used to be. I wait a few minutes and repeat a few more cycles of hitting with the mallet and kicking and pulling. I have now spent almost as much time trying to remove the wheel that is not attached as I spent loosening the lugs.

Stage 7: Acceptance

I give up. My will is strong, but my body is less so. I go inside back to my computer leaving the car jacked and the lugs off. My roommate is in the middle of a long conference call and will be busy until later, but once it is done he will help me. I must accept that in this I cannot be a strong independent woman who don't need no man.

How lucky then to live in a world where I know kind men that will help.

I write a tumblr post while my roommate finishes up work for the day.

[homenecromancer]

idly thinking about this and. like. might be hard to explain to some of my coworkers but different concert crowds have very different vibes, and the "good" crowds for me might be unexpected for them. like just drawing from recent-ish or memorable experiences

dadrock bands (possible coworker perception: this would be mainly older people, some of other ages, but "well-behaved") : cishet white dads who think they are clever/witty but are actually deeply, deeply annoying. transphobic 20-year-old boy with shirt off who was clearly expecting a high-five from me as he exited the venue. (denied, and he is lucky i have more self-control than he does, because i wanted to bite him.) wayyyyyy too fucking many trump shirts, confederate flag paraphernalia, et cetera.

metal show (possible coworker perception: "that music is Satanic!!", scary guys, fights) : people were nice even when i could not answer their questions or noise made communication difficult. mix of age ranges. despite the Viking theming of one band, relatively few "oh no, oh i don't like the hammer necklace that white guy's wearing" moments.

rap show, older artist (possible coworker perception: [racist / "i'm not a racist buuuuuut" comments] ) : people who apologize when i gently tell them they can't do something or go somewhere. lots of couples and groups. people overall seem, at most, anxious about seeing their fave perform.

country show (possible coworker perception: haha hell yeah y'all i love this stuff) : white people central. people get plastered beyond their ability to handle themselves, and then get mean, loud and entitled. fights. "right-wing fashion" in action: those t-shirts from the company with the crossed-rifles logo [i am not getting close enough to read the text], anything referencing the second amendment, shirts you'd buy at a truck stop [unfortunate that these are often sported by shitheads, because wolf shirts are cool], et cetera.

mexican rock band (possible coworker perception: [racism] ) : potential for heavy drinking. i feel bad because i cannot always communicate effectively. people are mostly exuberant and happy to be there.

basically after years of experience, my assessment of "what's the vibe of this crowd likely to be / how pissed-off will i get if things start going poorly" is somewhat opposed to what my (mostly older, white) coworkers think. often the key is whether people in the crowd assess you, specifically, as potentially sympathetic, and i frankly fuck more with, like, metal crowds or [many bands from the 2000s] than i do with country music crowds.

like to the point where i may start avoiding country shows specifically, because i try to approach my job as "i am selling you my time". and if i have to bite my tongue to not tell middle-aged cishet white guys to fuck off and stop trying to "joke" with me in that specific show-off way, because it's not my fault everyone else in their life has agreed they are not funny, and now they find themselves trying to toy with someone who is forced to interact with them at work -- i am gonna need more money and to be convinced it's a good use of my time. and at a country show it's not like i can tell myself "at least this is [band], they might play [song]", so i'd rather be at home lmao

[crazedmetalhead]

Eddie Head cannons/ character analysis

Is this gonna be me projecting onto a fictional character; yes, yes it is. This is just my opinion of what I think Eddie would be like as someone who grew up in a trailer park, with a lot of the conditions that the fandom assumes Eddie went through in his childhood. For context, there will be dark themes, don't like, don't read. THIS IS MY OPPINION (sorry if it makes no sense)

Okay so there has been some discourse in the community about whether Eddie would be a softie or a hard-ass, and I raise a middle ground. I feel like Eddie would seem like a hard-ass, hell, he'd act rough and shit around his friends, and he's loud, he wears leather and chains, I can see where you're coming from, and I also see where people get that he's a softie, from his interactions with Chrissy. I think you're both right, let me explain. "Eddie's always amped up," to me, this means that he's always on guard, he's been hurt before, this man grew up between truck stops and tin cans. The way I see it is he was always, poor, never knew any luxury. He probably grew up in a trailer with his sick mom and abusive dad, he was probably moved around a lot after his mom died, maybe his dad was a part of organized crime or something, which is why he knows how to hotwire a car. He's terrified of getting hurt again, yet expects it so he puts up a tough guy act, but deep down he wants to be good, he wants to protect those he loves. There's also the discourse about Lucas and as a Dungeon Master, I can tell you, if one of my party members last minute cancelled on us, the day of the session, especially a big one, to hang out with people who are known bullies.... I'd also be pissed off, I'd think, "Fuck he's really fraternizing with the enemy," and I would also get a substitute player. Campaigns take months to plan, that session for cult of Vecna alone probably took at least two weeks of planning and Eddie had to buy everything for it, D&D figures are not cheap either so if he planned it down to the player, which many of us do, that'd be infuriating. I think that all the supplies for that game today would run at over $120.00 which for a super senior living in his uncle's trailer and dealing drugs to get by, is a hell of a lot of money. Also, every single other person in the party agreed that that day was okay, and so did Lucas at the time, postponing would screw everyone over, it's literally how every D&D group runs, at the end of the session you all work out the next time you can meet. It's a really high-pressure hobby to be a Dungeon Master because it's not just making the game and improv, it's also managing everyone else's schedules. It can be stressful as hell. Especially with a party of that size. I feel his reaction was pretty valid as someone who has had that happen.

With Chrissy he was soft, yes, that's because he saw how scared she was, Eddie isn't the sort to kick somebody when they're down and wouldn't try and freak her out when she's already practically shaking with anxiety, and sure, he may have had a little crush on her- he has eyes. I think when she says she thought he'd be mean and scary it's not only because he's loud and wears mean looking clothes, I think there is valid reasons, as some of you say, but I think he has his reasons to act that way. He probably got into a lot of fist fights, that's just how the highschool hierarchy works, but I don't think he'd have started it. I believe Eddie is a firm believer of, "I don't start shit, but I will finish it," as well as, "Fuck around and find out," and I feel like a lot of people fucked around and had their asses handed to them. Also, being called the freak all your life is eventually grating on you and eventually you put yourself in that box before other people can, which usually includes wild hair, loud rants, hissing at people you don't like and a mean case of resting bitch face. Also, I raise to you, when I went to a new school, before I even dressed alt, people thought I'd be mean and scary simply because of my resting bitch face, so even without fist fights people would find Eddie intimidating. That being said, I feel like Eddie Munson is an onion of many layers, and if you break through those walls, he is a major softy, malleable butter in your hands. He'd at first be confused by the love you give him, suspicious that it's a prank, but when he trusts you, he trusts you with his life and it's hard to get it back if you shatter it. He definitely holds the doors for strangers, especially girls, he opens the car door and walks on the outside of the sidewalk, Wayne taught him how to treat a lady and he follows those rules. That's all, this is just my oppinion.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

He looks so squishable omg LMAO THE HORSE SHIT BUT CLOUDIE IS SUCH A CUTE NAME TOO SJDHSJS this is giving me horse fever

LMAOOO truly the new bar: what tier of cupcakes are they willing to buy if it’s not insanely expensive it’s a no

OHHH ok lowk I don’t think I paid attention to that part of the gameplay in Oras which is probably why I don’t remember LMAO but YES THAT DUDE

HAHAHA it’s ok I laughed at myself it happens too often atp

Pause rough and tumble yuki….rough and tumble yuki??!!! Where was this idea all my life….wait that fr would’ve cooked wtf that would also be sooo interesting to merge tgt with him being religious plus his guilt etc etc the potential….abt to turn yuki into an oc /j

But FR im crying jjk rlly a shit show BUT idk if you saw YUTA CONFIRMED ALIVE WE ALL CHEERED but tbh who really is watching/consuming BLLK for the plot alone let’s be real

NO BECAUSE aiku coming back later on as an addition to the defense lineup or team in general or playing some kinda role Lowk would’ve been a lot more enjoyable for me…like why are you throwing him in with the bllkers NOW (not just because of oaeu has me cracking up) I completely agree like he should’ve left and come BACK LATER I would’ve totally ate up future rival aiku….the potential…alas….

AHAHAHA we’re linked up fr can’t leave out those hair wax jokes but omg him finding reader with Barou’s corpse first has me crying /sad I love how you actually thought out the usability of the teams though because when I played I DEFINITELY just went with whatever pokemon I liked regardless of typing and stats LMAOOK

Karasu screaming at her is so real LMAOA reminds me of him yelling at people during the bowling/Shibuya outing chapter LOL I’m trying to think of a rare water type pokemon but atp I’m just gonna google because I definitely didn’t read the dex entries in depth the first one that comes to mind is feebas though but tbh thats kinda just in the same boat as magikarp so er (clampearl maybe….? Or maybe skrelp idk dragalge seems pretty cool comparatively so) ok wait while I’m looking at water types anyone know the lore behind phione and manaphy why am I just realizing they aren’t related evolution wise pause im now realizing that it didn’t have to be a rare water type which makes more sense i somehow read somewhere that “reader fishes out a rare pokemon (from the sea) and trades that” but if that were the case she could’ve just kept it to fulfill the water type requirement idk what i was thinking going w this uh

REAL the evil govt secretly silencing the voices of anyone who disagrees…guys the world is building fr we just cracked the code behind the champion situation too (reps dad being bribable is so real)

LMFAOOOO IM CRYING “yeah we got bored and went to the moon nbd”

LMAOAO the “i know a guy” trope is so real and so iconic im crying they go find hiori and he’s like “oh yeah my bad that’s my pokemon the size of a small sky scraper she’s harmless” (id imagine its in aurorus form for this to be funny) last time i remember aurorus was from the show and from what I remember of it trying to protect amaura i can also imagine it being protective of hiori and almost freezing mc’s teams asses off LMAOOOO (“it don’t bite” “YES TF IT DO”) you’re getting me too invested in this first it was oaeu now pokemon au i fear this cooks too hard….

You see my first thought was also Barou but for logistical reasons that’s a no here pause gagamaru cooking (literally)!!! Imagine he starts making them just like in the forest or out in the tall grass so people think it’s sketchy (kinda like some food trucks yk) but turns out his stuff is all natural AND fire (ness having low nutrient poffins is so real)

AIKU GARY HAHAHA that just reminds me of Gary’s cheerleaders and the cheer/chant they had for him I’m crying imagine aiku had one

OH SHDGSHSHS I never had an aegislash jn game so that explains why idk the lore LMAO (I did have a friend who swore by it and constantly hyped up its stats though, fr doing like aegislash promotion) Nagiy/ns number one shipper aegislash!!! LMAOO stop this could actually cook as a pokemon anime season wtf someone get game freak and whoever animates pokemon in here rn….reader jumpscaring Nagi in their next battle with aegislash is so funny

I’ll never not be amazed by how much content you can churn out wtf I usually see people writing like three fics just the time you’ve done fifteen and as we’ve already discussed your fics are LONG I’m fr imagining that Justin Bieber gif rn (I’m not even kidding I think of the phrase “doing gods work” and then that gif and audio pop up so congrats you’ve definitely been cemented in with that LMAOO) but SAME love our yap sessions!!

- Karasu anon

RIGHT IT’S LITERALLY PERFECT FOR HIM brooo ponies specifically always have the cutest names…the pony i learned to ride on way back when i was like 11 was named sugar 🥹 and then the ponies i learnt to jump on were named candy and penny like TELL ME THAT’S NOT ADORABLE 😭😭😭 horses usually don’t have such cutesy names sadly but some of them are mad majestic (i’ve known horses named zeus, palermo, arctic, rhea, and heathcliff to name a few like why do they all lowkey have aura)

LMAOO it’ll be the same mfs buying both tiers too like don’t let yourself be treated like the random unnamed girl who got grocery store cookies and was cancelled on so otoya could play video games with reader 😭 only accept the man who plays video games with you so you didn’t walk to his house for nothing and buys you gourmet fancy ass cupcakes for literally no reason 🤩 nah because tbh bfb otoya as a concept cracks me up he’s just so ridiculous with everything he does like there’s zero reason for him to be doing all of that (i remember i kept telling you that karasu’s bfb would be less crack-ish and you were like otoya’s wasn’t that bad?? but now that you’ve read karasu’s version i hope you see what i meant 😩)

rough and tumble yukimiya would’ve been AMAZING…something about how he turned to religion as a way to repent for some of the bullshit he pulled in his childhood + he felt like him getting scouted just for being handsome was so lucky it HAD to be an act of god + him feeling like if he acts out god will punish him (maybe he views his failing eyesight as a punishment for his past sins??) and send him back to where he came from hence his mega kind and polite personality which is a facade for his more selfish NEL personality + him and kaiser getting along because of their backstories but also butting heads because of the diff ways they dealt with things (kaiser forsaking any notion of god to care about himself vs yukimiya trusting anyone BUT himself in search of some kind of solace and reassurance that things will stay as good as they now are) + isagi showing yukimiya another way of being yourself while still not being a bad person and showing that it’s alright to make mistakes (yukimiya perfectionism flaw??) as long as you learn from them…CUT THE CAMERAS DEADASS kaneshiro better give me custody of yukimiya in just three ask responses i’ve taken his canon info and given him a way more compelling and deep backstory that would guarantee him to be a fan favorite 🥱 honestly it’s kind of sad because i could never write this version of yukimiya as he’s just divorced enough from canon that it wouldn’t make sense in a fic but he will ALWAYS be in my mind now i think he’s 1000x more compelling than canon yukimiya without (i believe) compromising his core character traits and in fact actually adding continuity and building off of them (if rough and tumble yukimiya was given enough good panels [which considering he’s in an au with less players and therefore more focus on each character he probably would have a decent amount] he would def have that kaiser vibe to him like i can see him being popular and people posting abt his tragic backstory and how hot he is etc etc)

YESSS YUTA MADE IT lowkey it was so random though like last chapter there was the whole “we need to save okkotsu” cliffhanger and now he’s just here and chilling hello??? also how is HIGURUMA still around 😭 and this shit with the elders and all of that like where did that come from…is gege trying to set up a sequel or smth 🤔 idk i’m very lost i think i just need to see how it ends so i can move on from it for a while

i think aiku as a future rival would’ve cooked so hard maybe he drops some “you guys reminded me what it feels like to have an ego” (as a callback to his striker past) type of line and barou’s like “oh so you have an ego now 🤨 good because that means it’ll be even more fun to crush you 😒” and that specific game is focused on them and their rivalry (it could be a good place to add more barou backstory into the main manga too as well as aiku lore)

i never understood stats or anything but i always took typing seriously!! as well as moves and whatnot (if a move didn’t do damage though i never let my pokémon keep it) RKFHSJSJ no because it’s so sad karasu’s the one who goes back and finds her (after nagi tells him to because at the end it’s nagi and reader before reader goes on alone to fight barou…nagi leaves to evacuate everyone but he’s like “yo karasu please go check on her”) and it’s just her and her houndoom lying with barou and his houndoom (who are both dead UGHHHH the angst is insane)

HELP waits actually yk what’s funny is reader does actually end up with a dragalge on her team so at some point she catches a skrelp ig?? but she doesn’t trade it away (lowkey dragalge isn’t one i’ve put much though into like it and donphan are just kinda there but they don’t yet have the plot relevance that houndoom aegislash gyarados and galvantula do)…HAHAHA yeah she catches a non water type to trade!! i’m thinking it’ll be like a pikachu or something because then everyone reading will be like “oh of COURSE she has a pikachu 🙄🙄🙄” but then she trades it away for a magikarp LDFHSJSKSK anyways yeah if you put manaphy and a ditto in the daycare you’ll get a phione egg!! not sure what the lore connection is but yeah that’s the in game mechanic (i got a manaphy during one of the mystery gift events and i used to spam breed phione’s and put them on the global trade center so people would give me their legendaries in exchange LMAOAAO i was kinda diabolical with it)

no because the world is so deep i’m so invested now!! REO’S DAD BEING CORRUPT AND BRIBABLE JUST MAKES SM SENSE lowkey maybe that’s why reo’s traveling alone/with mc trio instead of training at home with his dad!! like he wants to actually be a proper champion and is too idealistic to realize the government will never let him do that with that mindset…okay wait and instead of going the stereotypical route maybe reader defeating barou and the evil team isn’t enough for them to fix things because the root of the problem (the government) hasn’t been fixed so then in order to get justice for barou she’s like “well ig i have all 8 badges” so she (along with nagi as her rival, tullia who’s just been doing random shit this whole time and has the team for it, and reo who wants to be champion for a diff reason) decides to join the championship conference and makes it through until the end (again considering galvantula alone swept through half of barou’s team it’ll make sense) where she’s told by the government that she has to throw the match and she seems to agree (unlike barou) but then instead of doing that she beats mr mikage and exposes the government on live tv before they can cut the cameras…and then the gym leaders + elite four + elite four candidates (isagi kaiser bachira kunigami) are like “aight might as well” and reveal they’ve been planning a mutiny against the government for a WHILE (another reason why isagi is always so secretive around them) and barou was involved too but it wasn’t supposed to happen for a while however with reader’s actions they decide there’s no time like the present and execute a (much better planned) mutiny while reader and co + mc trio watch in awe (you KNOW karasu is so mad yayoi never mentioned anything to him) so it kind of avoids that “kids doing everything while incompetent adults just sit around” trope while still having reader and co + mc trio be integral parts of the ending??

HAHAHA mc trio could have their own spinoff fr…episode nagi pokémon au KFJDJD they randomly find a crashed spaceship full of clefairy and clefables and somehow chigiri and/or reo are revealed to have mechanical expertise?? plus nagi’s just randomly a genius fsr so they manage to fix up the spaceship so the clefairy and clefable can go back to the moon (lowkey i think smth like this happens in one of the original eps of the anime but it’s bllk au so it’s funnier) and they leave an egg with nagi as thanks (specifically nagi because according to reo’s [at the time] kirlia they like his hair as it reminds them of the moon even though lowkey nagi did the least for them) or like do you remember that one episode where it was like a competition for only fighting type pokémon?? imagine reo has been SET on evolving his kirlia into a gardevoir but when he hears about the competition he’s like “time to switch gears” and while reader and co are having the fossil arc with hiori, mc trio is just running around completing various side quests trying to find a dawn stone so reo can evolve kirlia into a gallade instead…bonus points if reo misses the registration date because he doesn’t find the dawn stone in time so now he just randomly has a gallade (who he loves very much don’t get me wrong LMAOOO he was just building his team around eventually having a gardevoir and now he has to switch stuff up)

HELPPP because okay realistically hiori’s team is super super intimidating if you think about it…like you look at him and he seems so sweet you think he’d have a team like otoya’s (#otoyaslander) and then he releases his first pokémon and it’s a metagross 😭 his pokémon are def all super protective of him too…they probably HATE reader in particular because between donphan and galvantula (aka the goat…lowkey i’m surprised at how much it actually carries every confrontation) alone she’s destroying his team 😩 considering donphan is a ground type so it’s strong against aurorus and luxray, galvantula is bug-electric so it’s strong against metagross (psychic is weak to bug apparently??), swanna, and kingdra, so that only leaves nidoqueen with a type advantage…until you factor in that gyarados is not only a water type (so strong against her ground typing) but also flying so it’s immune to her ground type attacks 😭 and this is completely ignoring houndoom who is metagross’s perfect counter, aegislash if she has it at that point, and dragalge 😰 it took me so long picking a team with type coverage for basically every type but i’m still always amazed whenever i match reader up against other characters and realize she absolutely cooks them

HELPPPP GAGAMARU AS A POFFIN FOOD TRUCK WORKER IS SO REAL i can see him having an ursaring and they just drive around selling poffins and he doesn’t have a phone number or anything so if you want them you have to hunt him down 😭 the REAL reason yukimiya has an alakazam is so he can just teleport LMAOAO meanwhile reader and co have to fly on flying pokémon (reader and tullia borrow karasu’s and otoya uses his altaria) to find him wherever he is if they need him

nah because you’re so right aegislash has to be a shipper there’s 0 reason for it to throw the romance subplot in except for some drama JFKSKS to be fair it was probably rlly bored while waiting for a trainer to show up 😭 it’s kind of rude even once it’s captured but then houndoom beats it up and it behaves after that 🤩 no fr it’s a role reversal of the cleffa incident like reader and nagi both pull up with new pokémon and nagi throws out his cottonee (side note but cottonee/whimsicott is such a peak nagi pokémon tbh) meanwhile reader whips out her aegislash and nagi’s just like WHAT THE FUCK (reo and chigiri are just like “😃❔” because they have no clue why nagi’s tripping meanwhile nagi’s trying to process that he did in fact have an isekai romance arc with reader and now he has to face her after he literally asked if it’s okay for him to rizz her up “for the plot” when she’s dating karasu (she is NOT dating karasu) (karasu has no idea why nagi keeps looking at him awkwardly) (tullia and otoya ask chigiri and reo if nagi is into men/karasu) (chigiri and reo can honestly say they have 0 idea)

HAHAHA no it’s not even just 15 since may because that’s not counting the jjk requests i got OR anything i wrote for myself (both versions of bfb, freaky friday, hollyhock and peregrine chapters) i fear i am quite prolific in the summer…fall is always lowkey the mira hiatus era where i rlly slow down and then suddenly come december i go crazy and cook until the next fall

[a-scribe-writing-short-stories]

Perdido, Fundador

Emerald “Emma” Eva Santos-Gomez felt she never belonged, in the world, in school, even her own family. All her siblings older, in their 20’s or 30’s. Off finishing college or buying their own homes. Her parents, too old to call her their daughter.

Mount La Gro, Connecticut is a town that borders New York. Emma, Tony and Martinez spent loads of time at the M.E.T. museum and the Mt. La Gro own museum too. Both the Santos-Gomezes and the Fernandez-Torreses (their parents) were historians.  

After her parents' death’s, Dr. Alexander Jose Felix Fernandez and Dr. Ingrid Margarita Blanche Torres took in Emma. Leaving her to figure out what she desired to do after high school graduation. Tony and Martinez are a couple months older than Emma, Tony and Martinez’s’ birth occurred in the same year but 5 months apart.

Now a month before graduation and Emma still isn’t sure what she thinks about doing after high school. Emma tried to avoid Dr. Torres making breakfast in the kitchen; eggs on white rice, sliced kielbasa and sliced jamon.

“Buenos Dias, Emma! How’d you sleep?” It’s the one-year anniversary since her parents’ death. Emma never felt like sleep anymore. She kept dreaming about some Olmec Temple and some weird ritual, last night she dreamt of the Fernandez-Torres family also with her in the Olmec temple.

“Buenos Dias, Señora Torres, yeah, I slept fine and no I still don’t know what to do after graduation.”

“For the Centésima time, call my Ingrid! And take your time with your future, you can stay as long as you need.”

“Arroz con Huevo with carne, Ma do we always have to eat crabs and meats?” Tony interrupted with her annoyance of her constant critiquing of her mother’s cooking.

“Mija at least you have eggs, when I was your age your Abulita made us arroz and spam for breakfast. Be grateful that I’m not making your madre make that for you guys, that would be a cruel punishment.” Dr. Fernandez finished with giving a big kiss to Dr. Torres.

“Ugh, I need to carbo-load for the gym later with Santiago.”

“Ooh Santiago, is it a gym date with the Carmen Santiago?” Tony always teased Martinez about everything.

“That’s enough, Mija, need the truck for later Martinez?”

No, thanks, dad Santiago’s got me.”

“Ooh!” Tony and Emma stated.

“Girls, stop! Shoot I’m gonna be late for my lecture! Gotta go, see you Chicas later!” Dr. Fernandez rushed out the door with satchel in hand followed by Martinez, only the girls remained in the kitchen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dr. Torres what’s with the robots in a museum?”

“Ah, these suckers get rid of the bad particles in the air that could affect the artifacts on display.”

“You, see Em everything in the air deteriorates some the of artifacts here.”

“Are there any other robots in the museum Dr. Torres?”

“Yes, Emma.”

“So, Dr. Torres, what are you and the team working on now?”“A journey about a Temple.”

A Series of Short Series

Written By: V. Scri&e