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lyranova · 1 year ago

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Survivior’s Guilt

Hiya guys! So this fic was inspired by one of @loosesodamarble ‘s fics that she posted a while ago and I just got to read for the first time last night, and it inspired me to write this 😁! It shows my OC Discordia and how she learned/dealt with Morgen’s death, and you also get to see her husband Moros! I hope you all enjoy~!

Ida belongs to @marune2 and Josele belongs to @/loosesodamarble

Word Count: 4,047

Warnings: Swearing, Death, Grief, Wine, Discordia slapping people, angst.

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Discordia hummed a small little tune as she read her most favorite book in the large window that sat in her room. Well, this wasn’t really her room. At least not yet. First, she would have to marry the ‘owner’ of said room, which she hadn’t done yet, and wouldn’t do for a while. There were something's he needed to sort out with his family first, but after that they could get married. She nearly laughed, one would think he was arguing with his family to marry her because he loved her.

But that was far from the truth.

They weren’t marrying for love, they were getting married because they needed each other. Discordia needed him so she could get away from her family, and so she could obtain power. While her fiancé married her, so he could get the throne and so that he wouldn’t have to marry someone his family chose for him.

If he was going to be in a loveless marriage anyway, it might as well be to someone attractive. That’s what he had said.

Discordia sighed as she softly closed her book, the only thing she hadn’t realized when she left was how much she would miss her family, well, certain members of her family.

She missed her cousin Morgen, her cousin’s fiancé Josele, her cousin Ida, and she even missed Nacht. But she would never admit to the last one. She wondered how they were all doing, in her last letter from Morgen he had said they were all pretty busy these days but were otherwise well. He told her that he didn’t get to see Nacht very much because he was always doing something secretive, and would always dodge the subject when Morgen brought it up.

Discordia had smiled sadly as she read that, she knew exactly what Nacht and the rest of the family were doing, after all, it had been her inheritance first.

Nacht, and the rest of the family, were doing Devil Rituals. And from what she had heard from her parents, Nacht had been able to summon 4 devils so far! She had rolled her eyes as they quietly talked in anger about having a useless daughter instead of a son, but otherwise she wanted nothing to do with the Ritual or Devils.

She had sighed softly before she went back to reading Morgen’s letter, she didn’t want to think about the terrible memories and the anger that went with them. Instead, she wanted to focus on something more happy and joyful, which is what she got as she continued to read.

Morgen began to tell her about how excited he was about his upcoming wedding, and that he hoped she would be able to attend, but would also understand if she was unable to. He also jokingly mentioned how he and Josele were eagerly awaiting their invitations to her wedding, and said he would never forgive her if it overlapped with his.

Discordia chuckled as the memory of reading his letter popped into her mind and then faded away. But her laughter died as she suddenly felt an odd presence in her room, it wasn’t a human, it was something else.

She quickly jumped up and created a long rapier with her blood magic before whirling around to face the intruder. She blinked in confusion as her eyes traveled down to the floor to see some small, dark creature standing there. It eyes stared at the tip of her rapier nervously, and she could see its body trembling.

“ Who…Are you?” Discordia asked, obviously she knew it was a devil even though she hadn’t seen one personally. But she thought…they were supposed to bigger and more intimidating than this little one was.

“ G-Gimodelo, My Scary Lady!” The devil squeaked in fright, Discordia raised a brow, ‘Scary Lady’? But disregarded that comment as she waved her hand to dismiss the spell. She recognized his name as one of the Devils for House Faust, but he wasn’t quite what she was expecting.

“ I know who you are, I apologize for not recognizing you,” Discordia said before she frowned and crossed her arms. “ But may I ask what you’re doing here?”

The devil looked around a little nervously.

“ Master Nacht said you needed to come home,” Gimodelo said softly, Discordia scoffed before she promptly turned around to return to her window.

“ Who does he think he is, bossing me around?” Discordia muttered. “ I mean, really, does he think I can just drop everything and come back to Clover on a whim?”

“ Lady Discordia,” Gimodelo said softly as he came up behind her and tugged on the bottom of her skirt, as though he were a young child trying to get her attention. “ I really think you should go home, Miss, it’s urgent.”

Discordia stared down at the devil, seeing the earnest and almost pleading look in his eyes made her heart sink. Something must’ve happened…something terrible.

—---

Discordia’s feet carried her towards House Faust as quickly as they could, the sky was overcast, and she could even feel a few raindrops fall onto her head, but she didn’t care. Right now, she had to make it to House Faust and get some answers from the only living relative she had left; Nacht.

She wildly threw the door open to House Faust and looked around to see her cousin sitting on the couch, alone, and with his head hanging down. Discordia felt tears pool in her eyes. They weren’t tears of relief or of happiness at seeing him alive, they were the tears of anger, sadness, and grief.

She walked over to him in quick and determined strides, she grabbed the scruff of his shirt and pulled him up and off the couch. Making him stand in front of her.

“ What the hell happened Nacht?” She asked through gritted teeth, she was trying her best to restrain herself. He looked at her with a pale, tear stained face, and with dull, lifeless eyes.

“ You’re here, dear cousin. And here I was, worried that you wouldn’t make it.” Nacht muttered, his tone cold and lifeless, it was as though someone had come and sucked all the life out of him.

“ What the hell happened Nacht?!” Discordia repeated, her voice loud and angry. Nacht just stared at her.

“ I killed them all, and Ida…Ida ran away,” Nacht admitted quietly, and Discordia felt her heart stop in her chest and confusion cloud her mind. He…he killed them all? How? That didn’t make sense! And not to mention that Ida was now missing?! Just what happened while she was away?!

“ Explain. Now.”

“ I…I did another devil ritual,” Nacht began softly, his voice void of any emotion. “ And I happened to summon Lucifugus, I thought I could handle it, I’ve already summoned and mastered four devil’s powers, so one more shouldn’t be too difficult? At least that’s what I thought.”

“ Morgen…he snuck into the chamber to see what we were doing, and he tried to stop me like he always did. But I wouldn’t listen, I wanted the challenge of trying to beat Lucifugus and master his magic…and it all blew up in my face. He killed our parents, killed your parents, he wiped out the entire Faust line. Including Morgen,” Nacht paused, his voice finally showing the slightest bit of emotion.

“ Morgen…he jumped into the magic circle to save me…he destroyed the bracelet and sent Lucifugus back into the underworld, but…”

“ But what?” Discordia asked, her knuckles having turned white as she gripped his collar tighter and tighter with every word he said.

“ I tried to save him, I used my shadow magic to get him to Josele. If anyone could save him, she could, you know that as well as I do,” Nacht said, his voice getting a little more emotion as he spoke. “ I got there quickly, he was still breathing when we arrived, so I…I don’t know why Josele couldn’t save him, why she couldn’t bring him back…but at the end of the day, I’m the one to blame. Because of me, he-.” Nacht didn’t get to finish his sentence as he felt a quick but firm slap across his face.

He blinked in surprise as he saw Discordia staring at him coldly, tears falling freely down her cheeks, his face stung from where her hand had connected with his cheek. But that didn’t compare to the hurt he felt in his chest as he saw the rage and hurt in his cousin's eyes.

“ You bastard,” She growled as she pushed his chest hard.” You cocky son of a bitch!’’ She roared as she hit his chest with her fists and continued to push him until he finally just…stopped moving backwards.

Nacht allowed her to use him as her punching bag, after all, they both knew he deserved this or worse. Her hitting, yelling, and swearing at him were all the things he wanted to do to himself if he could. Especially after what he’d done, not only to his family, but to Josele as well. Finally, her punches and swearing had less and less force, showing that she was running out of steam, and eventually her arms fell limply to her sides and her head hung low.

“ It wasn’t enough to take and ruin my life, but you had to go and do the same to Morgen’s? All because you couldn’t get over that stupid ego of yours?” She asked lowly, but her voice full of cold malice.

“ It should’ve been you who died,” She continued. “ Why wasn’t it you?”

“ I’ve been asking myself the same thing ever since that day, I also wish it had been me who died instead of Morgen…I’ll forever wish it hadn’t been him.” Nacht said softly as he looked down at his cousin, his tone void of emotion again as tears fell onto his cheeks.

Discordia cleared her throat and wiped her tears, at least that was the one thing they could agree on. She wiped her tears and crossed her arms before she looked up at him again.

“ And what happened to Ida? You said she ran away? Didn’t you look for her?”

“ I did,” He admitted emotionlessly. “ But I couldn’t find her, not even with my shadow magic. I’m going to continue searching for her but…she doesn’t want to be found, at least not right now,”

Discordia nodded, silently hoping the girl would return home sooner rather than later. She would be in Clover for a few more days after Morgen's funeral, since she had to bury her parents, so she would try and search for Ida herself. Since Nacht wasn’t having any luck.

“ When’s the funeral?”

“ Tomorrow, and Josie and Morgen will need family there, to comfort and send him off well.” Nacht muttered, causing her to frown.

“ Where will you be? Are you not going to your own brother’s funeral?”

“ I don’t deserve to be there…not when I’m the reason for his being there.” Nacht muttered as he sat back down on the couch. “ Besides…I think I’m the last person Josie will want to see right now.”

“ What did you do to her?” Discordia asked, in a warning tone, if he said or did something to Josele…Discordia would seriously kill him where he sat.

“ I…said some very cruel and hurtful things to her that I shouldn’t have. And I need to apologize but…I…I can’t.”

“ Coward,” Discordia muttered before she turned around. “ You act all tough and strong, but in reality you’re a pathetic coward who won’t even apologize to his dead brother’s fiancé after he acted like an ass. Typical, for someone like you.” She added as she began to walk away, she couldn’t stand the sight of her cousin any longer.

“ I’ll be at his funeral, so don’t worry, I won’t abandon Joey and Morgen like you.” Discordia threw over her shoulder as she walked out of House Faust and slammed the door shut behind her.

—-----

Discordia walked up to Morgen’s casket quietly, this wasn’t right, he wasn’t supposed to be here…not yet, not so soon. He was supposed to get married, have children, and grow old. But now…now he would forever be a 19-year-old angel. She smiled fondly, she had always called him an angel ever since they were young, while she called Nacht the devil. She nearly laughed, how ironic the nicknames were now after all that has happened.

She reached into the casket and gently placed her letter to him under his hands. She never got the chance to respond to his last letter when he was alive, so before the funeral she had quickly written one out. The parchment was wet with tear stains and some of the ink had smudged, but she knew it would be alright and Morgen wouldn’t mind. After all, she was his big sister, and she could almost do no wrong in his eyes.

At least that’s what she would say when he asked when they met again someday.

Discordia stepped back into the crowd and looked around, there were a lot of his Squad Mates standing there, and even his former Captain Julius Novachrono was there. It was just as she expected, all the people he had helped, all the people he loved, and all the people who greatly cared for him were there.

Except for two, and they were the most important; Nacht and Josele.

After a few minutes, she saw Josele appear from the crowd, and she quietly walked towards his casket. Discordia watched silently, her heartbreaking at the scene that was unfolding in front of her eyes. This wasn’t right…this wasn't supposed to be how their love story ended. When Josele walked towards him, it was supposed to be her in a beautiful gown with a bouquet of flowers in her hands. While Morgen was supposed to be in a sharp looking suit and standing at the other end of the aisle. Waiting for his soulmate to take his hand and spend the rest of her life with him, but instead it turned out like this.

Discordia watched as Josele quickly ran away, she moved to follow her but felt someone reach out to grab her hand in order to stop her.

“ Just let her go, I think she needs some time.” Discordia’s eyes widened at the familiar voice, there was no way…her head snapped in the direction of the voice and her eyes widened more.

It was her fiancé; Moros Helheim, Crown Prince of the Lumi Kingdom.

“ How would you know what she needs? You don’t know Josele like I do, you haven’t even met her, and you think you know what she needs more than I do?” She asked as she yanked her arm out of his grip and chased after her sister-in-law.

“ Joey! Joey, it’s me, please come back!” Discordia shouted as she looked around, but didn’t see nor sense her sister–in-law, or her sister-in-law’s mana.

Josele had disappeared.

“ Joey…” Discordia suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder and sighed before she slowly turned around.

“ She’ll be alright, from what you’ve said, she’s a very strong woman. She’ll make it through this.” Moros said, and Discordia quickly shrugged his hand off her shoulder.

“ Even the strongest of people need help and support sometimes,” Discordia said as she began to walk away. “ But I guess you wouldn’t know anything about that since you’ve always been weak.”

“ Ouch, your words are extra scathing today, my lady,” Moros said, feigning hurt as he put a hand on his chest. “ Come, let’s go back to my residence and talk privately.”

“ Let me guess, this ‘residence’ of yours is either a brothel or an inn? Or is it both?” She asked curiously and with a sharp, knowing tone. Moros chuckled, but quickly waved her words away.

“ It isn’t a brothel. It is a small, hole in the wall, inn. It’s so obscure that my guards would never even think of looking for me there,” Moros said with a charming grin, causing Discordia to roll her eyes at him. “ So how about it?”

“ Fine, as long as it isn’t a brothel.” She muttered as she walked past him. “ Lead the way, your majesty.”

“ As you wish, Lady Discordia.”

The two walked silently to his inn, a low rumble of thunder could be heard as they grew closer and closer to their destination. But sighed in relief as they had just barely beat the rainstorm. Moros led her up the small staircase, down the hall, until they reached the very end where his room was located. He opened the door and allowed her to step inside first, she nodded in thanks before he stepped in behind her and closed the door.

He walked over to the small table and grabbed the bottle of red wine that sat in the center, he opened it and poured its contents into a pair of glasses. She raised a brow as he handed a glass to her.

“ I’m not old enough to drink,” She said as she crossed her arms, Moros smirked at her.

“ You are in Lumi, and I won’t tell if you won’t,” He said with a playful wink. “ Besides…you look like you could use one.” He added in a more serious tone as he kept the glass outstretched.

She looked at him for a moment before taking the glass from him and taking a sip. It had a bitter taste initially, but after she swallowed, she found it had a sweet and dark aftertaste. It wasn’t bad, and it definitely took the edge off this crappy day.

“ What the hell are you doing here, Moros?” Discordia asked as she set her wine glass down and looked at her fiancé, who just tilted his head.

“ Isn’t showing up during times like this something a good husband does?” He asked, his tone curious as he swirled his glass of wine around.

“ ‘A good husband’?” She scoffed as she crossed her arms. “ We aren’t even married yet, and you’re far from being a good husband. If I hadn’t entered that stupid contract with you none of this would have happened.’’

“ How do you figure?” Moros asked calmly, still swirling the wine in his glass around. Discordia quirked a brow at him.

“ If I hadn’t entered that stupid contract with you, I wouldn’t have left for Lumi three months ago! If I hadn’t agreed to it, I would have been here and Morgen would still be alive!” Discordia said, anger lacing each sharp word as she walked towards Moros. The man sighed softly before he set his glass down and stood up.

“ Are you claiming that all of this is my fault in some way?” He asked with a curious tone as he walked towards her, and she nodded.

“ It is, or at least you contributed to it. I could have saved him if I had been here, I could have kept him from going into that damned basement and getting killed, but instead I was off in a faraway land with you!” Discordia spat with pure venom and disdain in her voice, but Moros didn’t flinch or react at all. His face remained calm and statue like.

“ Why are you blaming me for you something you did?” He asked, his tone still curious but with a serious edge to his voice. “ You could have said no, you could have backed out of the contract at any point during the last three months, but instead you stayed. Knowing fully well that something like this could happen, and you still stayed. So the person you should be angry at, and the person you should be blaming for all of this, is yourself.”

Discordia reached her hand up and swung it towards his face, hoping to land a good hard slap across his face. But he reached up and grabbed her wrist in midair, he held it firmly in his hand before he forced it back down.

“ You are going through some call ‘survivor’s guilt’. You were supposed to be there that day, along with the rest of your family. You were supposed to die that day, but instead you survived, by selfishly leaving your family to pursue your own wants and dreams.” Moros continued calmly, his tone and words only making her more angry.

“ Shut up!” She shouted in anger as she raised her other hand to slap him, but he caught it in his other hand and held it firmly. She began to fight and struggle against him, her hands reaching up to push and shove against his chest, before she tried to wiggle them out of his grip.

But Moros wouldn’t let her go, instead he continued holding her wrists, he held them firmly but not tightly, so she could easily get out of his grip if she wanted. But she didn’t. He watched as tears of sadness, anger, and guilt fell from her eyes and onto her cheeks before falling to the floor.

Finally, after a few minutes of struggling, Discordia gave up an and sank to her knees, with Moros following suit. She sobbed nearly uncontrollably as he had hit the nail on the head as to why she was so angry; because she felt guilty for surviving while everyone else had died, everyone but Nacht of course.

Moros didn’t say a word, he didn’t try to reach out and comfort her, instead he just watched her cry and sob. That’s what she needed right now, she needed to let out all of those feelings she was keeping pent-up inside.

Discordia’s sobs turned into sniffles before she suddenly froze, realization suddenly striking her. Moros’s magic…he was able to revive the dead, which meant…

“ You can bring him back, can’t you?” She asked quietly, her head snapping up so fast that it surprised him.

“ Bring who back?”

“ Morgen, my cousin, you can bring him back with your magic can’t you? You’re able to revive the dead right?” She asked quickly, Moros nodded slowly.

“ Yes, but-.” She quickly cut him off.

“ Bring him back, right now, today, bring Morgen back!” She ordered, her tone almost pleading with him. This was how she could fix everything, how she could make Josele happy again, how she could Nacht to stop blaming himself, and how she could rid herself of this survivor’s guilt.

And to top it all off, they could be a family again.

“ My magic doesn’t work like that, Lady Discordia, it takes time-.”

“ How much time?”

“ I’m not sure, it could be a few days, weeks, or even months. Especially since he was killed by a devil and with forbidden magic, so it may even take years. And even if I do manage to bring him back, he may not be the same as he once was.” Moros warned in a serious tone, but Discordia just shook her head.

“ I don’t care how long it takes, just bring him back, and in return…I’ll give you an heir.” She watched as his face finally changed from calm and Stoic to one of surprise. One of Discordia’s conditions in the contract had been that she not be asked or forced to produce an heir, and that if wanted one so badly, he could take a concubine and have her produce one for him. So for her to offer this showed him just how desperate she was to fix this.

“ But you said you wanted your parent's legacies to die with you, which is why I agreed to not have any children.”

“ I still feel that way, but if you manage to bring Morgen back, I’ll give you the heir you long for. Hell, I’ll give you 20 heirs if you manage to do it,” She reached her hands up and griped his shirt tightly in her hands. “ Just do this one thing for me…please.”

Hearing her soft, pleading tone, and the way she repeatedly begged for him to do this for her, made his heart ache in his chest. He had never seen her look so…vulnerable, so desperate. He was attracted to her strength, but now found that he was also attracted to her weakness. He reached out and placed his hands on her shoulders.

“ Alright, I’ll do my best, but I make no promises that I’ll be able to do it. Nor that he will be the same Morgen you once knew if I am able to bring him back, you understand that, right?” He asked, and he watched her look of desperation change into something else.

“ I understand, just like I hope you understand, that if you aren’t able to do these things…I will kill you.” She told him in a dangerously low tone, her blue eyes turning dangerous, and her grin showing she meant what she said. Moros chuckled, that was the Discordia he knew. He smirked back at her before he leaned forward, with a dangerous smirk of his own.

“ Then I’ll definitely have to try my best, Lady Discordia.”

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Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you all have a good day~!

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