#I have been cultivating my skills for TWO DECADES

[monebula-art]

Insert a ‘Went far away to train for several years or smth’ scenario.

[likeadog]

so like i know ive joked abt this scene selling the inari is nobimarus mother theory for me before it was confirmed but i think it is a really valuable insight into the two of them and how inari has directly influenced the path of nobimarus development

we were confirmed from this latest chapter that what inari hates most is betrayal. the reason she began moving in such violent ways so quickly once kabane entered the picture is because she saw inugami preventing her from getting the lifestone as a betrayal of their work agreement.

we also know from this latest chapter and arc as a whole is that inari wants to fuse humans and kemono and use the power of the bewitching calculus + evil fox weed to create a society where she acts as "the divine mother" and in her words "stop all conflict between intelligent life because everyone will think the same way". its an interesting contradiction: shes willing to use any amount of force ncessary to exert her will over others, but ultimately it seems like she despises conflict of any sort, even between others. Again, this comes back to my proposition that she and inugami represent two different themes of life: coexistence vs consumption. inari wants the whole to be homologous and absorbed into her

again, though, we hit a contradiction: inari is entirely willing to "forget" the people that fail her. she discard's even her most loyal supporter on a dime, and genuinely cant even recall her name later on. her obsession lays largely in an aversion of being the one scorned, and she's willing to discard reason entirely to satisfy her upset (see above: potentially destroying an entire part of the country and when nobimaru goes hey uh. potentially unwise she says "do you think thats more important than me being mad?")

nobimaru takes on a lot of similar traits to inari, but i think one difference of note is how dutiful nobimaru is. in a weird way, he's one of the more reliable characters in the sense that he's willing to honor the social contract formed with other characters, such as when he asks kabane if he remembers their friendship agreement after konsplosion, and the multiple references he makes (including in the above pages) to the duty of a superior over his employees. even early on, after the loss of his hand, he states that he wouldnt accept ayas healing because the wound "was incurred by his own lack of skill". while duplicitous, he doesnt ever really betray either inugami + co or inari, acting perfectly within the bounds of his orders and not further (even though at multiple points he could have snatched the lifestone), but even when he acts behind inaris back he's ultimately doing it towards a goal that benefits her by preventing the potential consequences of her actions from causing her harm (not inciting the tanukis wrath at yashima, recruiting the marukuma brothers, not destroyign chiiba). and of course, we're told over the course of the story that nobimaru is willing to do almost anything achieve his ends, from destroying his body to working without sleep 24/7, a goal which he calls entirely selfish-- but that end being to save inari. he expresses disgust, rage, and annoyance with inari, and acts behind her back, but ultimately he has never once betrayed her. he's the ultimate dutiful son-- his entire life revolves around her and what he believes is best for her, a mindset which has been cultivated since he was young, with inari asking him to be brave and set up preparations for her plans to be put in action. i wouldnt be surprised if he really has been working alongside her for the decade or so prior to canon, just out of view, because unlike kon (who was young and had her memories tinkered with), he could be trusted to never turn tail on inari. and thats not the only impact inaris rejection of rejection has left on him; it seems he's picked up a similar impulse, with his "type" being "someone who will fall down to him", and his demeanor towards those he allies with frequently being troublesome or just outright annoying. the benign annoyance he uses to prod inugami and umetaro with, however, is very distinct from the malicious compliance he regards others with, and in its own way, seems to act as a test of loyalty and how far he can push it-- especially in umetaros case, when nobimaru is genuinely surprised that umetaro wants to come back to work for him after being freed from his debt, since he had put him through some crazy shit. however, nobimaru doesnt enforce his will in the same aggressive manner she does, presumably because hes aware the entirety of his power comes from a subordinate position to his mother, and his age + status requires much less outright audacity. akagi said nobimaru wanted to control inari, and in a way i think thats true-- he wants to reign her in, but when dealing with the forceful personality and power imbalance of his own mother, he has to toe a more delicate and lowkey line. we saw something similar with younger inari meeting inugami. although again, the fact shes nobimarus mother likely enforces a much harder line of acceptable vs unacceptable behavior when it comes to pushing back.

[dandorime]

Reginald Crane's moustache twitched, the only hint of the frown hiding beneath it, as he plucked a yellow envelope from the stack of intragency mail on his desk.

A training missive? For HIM? There must have been some sort of clerical error.

He flipped the envelope over to examine the address:

Mr. Reginald O. Crane, EOD

Hmph. He'd kindly asked HR to stop including his middle initial in official correspondence nearly a year ago...

Perhaps it's a joke, he thought as he neatly tore a strip from the edge of the envelope. It would be rather funny, he had to admit, if HR decided to send him something about his lapsed field agent certifications, given how often he was tagging along with Agent Phoenix these days. Perhaps he should recertify on the latest technology, just to be safe...

The trifold sheet he slipped from the envelope was surprisingly thick for a single sheet of paper, and textured besides. They didn't often use linen laid stationery these days, Crane thought. And... wait, had this been prepared on a manual typewriter? The uneven, slightly blueish shadow around the black ink letters, deeply embossed by the spring-lever keys that had struck them into the paper, was a nostalgic sight. The entire Agency had switched to electric machines more than a decade ago. He hadn't seen a manual since he'd left field operations for a handler's office.

Very peculiar, Crane thought to himself as he began to read:

To Mr. Reginald Crane, Master Field Agent Handler, EOD;

We hope this letter finds you well.

Our records indicate that you are eligible for participation in the Agency's Advanced Certificate Education (ACE) program. This two-week camp has been established to better cultivate the skills of our most accomplished operatives in a real-world challenge setting.

As a handler, you will be paired with an equally skilled agent to work cooperatively through a series of simulated missions, in conjunction with other agent-handler pairs, in the fully automated Victorium facility....

"Hey, Reggie, you got a minute?"

Agent Phoenix hovered in the doorway of Crane's office with a ripped-open yellow envelope in hand. He looked uncharacteristically nervous.

"I, uh, just got this from HR..." he began awkwardly, but stopped when he saw what Crane was reading.

"Wait, you too?"

"Yes," Crane nodded, "although I can't understand why. I'm up-to-date on all of my requirements..."

He did his best to suppress a cheeky grin as he glanced sideways at his fidgeting agent, knowing full well that Phoenix had been out of compliance for months now.

"Er, I might have let some of my certifications lapse," Phoenix winced, scanning the letter as if he half expected it to self-destruct if he read it too many times, "allegedly... but it's strange, it doesn't seem like the letter is about that."

On a whim, Crane held the letter up to the light streaming through his office window. The shadow of the genuine Agency watermark appeared in the middle of the page: an eye, it's spiral iris the unique livery of the Enhanced Operatives Division.

"Strange indeed," he agreed.

[demonfox38]

Completed - Star Fox 64

(Okay, so this should probably read, "Completed So Many Times I Lost Count - Star Fox 64." I'm trying to keep this title from being too obnoxious.)

"Star Fox 64" is not the best game I have ever played. It is, however, the most important one.

I know. That's a loaded gun of a sentiment. I've fallen in love with many games in my life, after all. "Tales of Symphonia," "Castlevania: Symphony of the Night," "Castlevania"'s Sorrow arc, the "Left 4 Dead" games, several "Smash Bros." titles, "Team Fortress 2"… I could make quite the list. What, in thirty-some years of playing video games, makes me say that "Star Fox 64" is the most important game that I have ever played? It's meme anthros acting out a melodramatic space opera, after all. Not exactly high art.

To put it simply? Becoming competent with it founded the bedrock for my ego.

Look. You're not gonna get my reverence for this game until you get me. Which, maybe you already do if you've been following me for a while. I know it's crass to make an autobiography out of a game evaluation, but for once, I'm feeling open about talking about myself as a person. So, if you're willing to indulge me, hang on for a few paragraphs. If not, CTRL+F or keep scrolling until you see ""Star Fox 64" is."

So, if you've read previous evaluations, you might know that "Super Mario Bros." convinced me that I would not be good at video games after a brief accident involving a timeout and my father being absent. Okay. A four-year-old will come to certain conclusions. It happens. Now, throw that kid into an education system that judges it to be intelligent. Like, not a hyper genius, but someone worth cultivating in talented and gifted classes. Someone whose entire identity becomes convinced that their grades were their sole source of value. Someone who cannot tolerate their own mistakes.

They don't take risks. They don't try something again if they turn out to be bad at it. They ignore it and go do something else.

Dominos were stacked. The 90s closed out. "Pokémon" became a thing. For the first time in almost a decade, my family got not one, but two new consoles. Naturally, a Game Boy Color and a Nintendo 64. "Pokémon" was played. Then, "Super Smash Bros." That brilliant goddamn masterpiece in marketing and child manipulation. The reason copies of "Earthbound" sell for $300 USD.

You know what you do with fighting games. You scroll through the characters, learning about this one and that one, trying to find the one that resonates with you the best. Yeah, I know about Mario. Donkey Kong's familiar, too. Who's this green guy? Link? Weird name. Who's the robot? Oh, it's a lady? Cool! Seems like her games are on the NES and SNES. But, the rental stores don't have NES games anymore, and I don't have an SNES, so I guess I'm out of luck. Yoshi? Eh. Kirby? Weird.

Fox?

Oh. Yeah, this guy! Air combos like nobody's business. He's got a team named Star Fox, huh? Kind of narcissistic, isn't it? But, it's his dead dad's team? And he's trying to earn his teammates' trust? He seems interesting. Why haven't I heard of him before? I'm out of luck with "Star Fox" being on the SNES, but "Star Fox 64"…maybe my local rental shop has that.

They did. And guess what?

I absolutely sucked at it!

But, only for a little while…

"Star Fox 64" is a rail shooter / vehicle driving simulator released for the Nintendo 64, as the name implies. It is part "Star Fox" remake, part reanimation of the scrapped (and super later released) "Star Fox 2." Its primary focus is on high-speed firefights, coupled with free-range dogfighting in its so-called All Range Mode. Depending on the player's capabilities in target neutralization, navigation, and team maintenance, they may take a myriad of paths through the Lylat System, all of which culminate in a final battle with the wicked Dr. Andross. Heavy, heavy emphasis on the a in "a final battle." Even that is split based on your skill.

While obviously not the first game in the series, "Star Fox 64" is a mold setter when it comes to overall series behavior and game lore. It introduces numerous reoccurring cast members, including Fox's father James McCloud (previously just Fox Sr. if you were reading the "Nintendo Power" comics, which, don't), team friends Bill Grey and Katt Monroe, and the rival troop Star Wolf. Voice acting and line refinement brings out a sheen of personality that remains fresh, even decades past the game's recording. Additionally, gameplay enhancements are granted for protecting each member of team Star Fox, increasing the incentive to keeping your team healthy and whole. It even grants two new vehicles to the player's available armada—a tank (the Landmaster, later a meme in its own right), and a submarine (the Blue Marine, which…okay, it's less memetic, but goddamnit. It's still better than "Zero"'s Gyrowing.)  

Hmm. Nintendo got away with calling an aerial combat game "Star Fox Zero," and yet, they ended up censoring Andross' name from its Japanese variant of Andorf. I suppose me not needing to provide a link to explain the latter makes that choice a little more obvious.

You know how some people are freaks for physics of "Sonic the Hedgehog" games and get annoyed when Sonic doesn't operate in a precise manner? I get that exact impulse, but for "Star Fox 64"'s Arwing controls. That Arwing is my favorite machine of any game I have ever played. The offensive and defensive capabilities of it are absolutely mad. Stackable lasers, a sticky homing charge, bombs, barrel rolling—you can hit all functions at once to become a searing, rotating wheel of death. Threading while tipped 90 degrees onto the vehicle's side is a dream, too. The only detail I find lacking is with the boost meter, and even then, it is only because I got used to the length of "Star Fox Zero"'s meter. The Arwing is a good ship. A great ship. The ship I would slap a bumper sticker on my car for. It would truly be "my other car" in a "my other car is" sentiment.

Am I as deliriously passionate about the other vehicles in the game? Not as much. But, I do think the Blue Marine is fun, if slow. I'm a little clunkier with this game's Landmaster, but certainly, not incapable with it. After all, any tank with the ability to hover is going to win a few points in mobility.

Please, remember—I did not start out grand at any of these vehicles. Just because you have access to all of these capabilities doesn't mean you will get how to use them right out of the gate. This game will use any crack in your defenses to smash you to pieces. Fields of enemies will turn your screen into a cascade of red laser fire. Massive obstacles will take up 95% of your play space, and you will have to find a way to maneuver around them before they tear the wings right off of you. Even peeling bosses open may put you at greater risk. I mean, you've gotta do it, but it's important to know just how fast that boss will try to fry your ass once you do. It's definitely a case of being forewarned and forearmed.

Despite being violently antagonistic about your progress, the game also gives you avenues for aid. But, that entirely depends on how much help you're giving your teammates. Keeping Slippy in combat grants you analysis of a boss machine's shields, which lets you know how much life they have left. Peppy throws hints not only for level navigation, but for targeting enemy weak points. Falco…well, his selling point is initially that he helps you get into the harder route (and the true ending) of the game. But, honestly? Are you seriously going to let sarcastic, tsundere Falco Lombardi bite a bullet and miss out on his banter with other cast members? Is your heart that cold?

I don't think this game gets enough credit for its English dubbing. "But, D.F.," you might be thinking, "Isn't it schlocky as hell?" Absolutely. It is 100% a bastard sibling to works like the original "Resident Evil" games and the first "Castlevania: Symphony of the Night" dubbing. Every actor here is leaning into the cartoony nature of the work and selling it for all they've got. It is appropriate. It is a treat. It is 12 years before Rick May (Peppy's voice actor) would honor us again with the "Meet the Soldier" monologue. Bless that man's memory a thousand times over for everything he did for the Internet and this game, along with the rest of the present cast. I'm so glad Nintendo of America's gone back to picking up as much of them as they can for modern releases. Absolute gemstones in a Burger King kid's crown.

Look. I've played through the Japanese dub of "Star Fox 64" a few times. It sounds very straight-laced. Trust me when I say you want that sloppy cheese of the English voice acting all over this pizza. It adds to the texture.

For me, the game's weakest point is its music. Not that it is necessarily bad, mind you. It just doesn't have the same drive that the original "Star Fox" or subsequent "Star Fox" games have. It's very checked, which fights with a level's pace, on occasion. When the soundtrack is at its best, it tends to be on eerier themes. Particular pieces of value here include:

Title Screen (particularly after the opening flourish)

Map

Aquas

Zoness

Warp (very X-Files)

Boss B

Hopefully, this gives you a basic understanding of this game's composition. Let me tie it back into why it was critically influential to me and why I'm still willing to mark out for it so many years later.

My first run in the game? I completely wiped out on Fortuna. Absolute Game Over. For those reviewing the map and game rules, that's three lives lost by Level 3 of the lowest difficulty route. 3/7ths progress, and dead. Would this be good for a newbie? I had no idea. There was no one reviewing my footage, keeping my score, telling me that I sucked or that I had to get good. It just was what it was in my own mind's eye.

Herein is where the wonderful composition of this game recompiled me.

Despite the game's difficulty, its chattiness brought me back. It had two primary actors—Peppy and Slippy—that were quick to point out my progress on handling tough enemies and difficult terrain. Even while kicking my ass, this game was trying to teach me. For the first time, I was comfortable with screwing up. I could measure my progress and gauge what I was doing right and wrong. Every failure was a closer reach to success. Dying at Sector X. Wiping out at Titania. Then, finally, hitting the credits, and ah shit!Having to learn the harder levels to get to the real ending!

And then, I did it.

I did it a lot.

I did it so hard that now, when I boot the game up after years of letting it sit cold, it's not a matter of success or failure. It's a gamble on how hard I am going to succeed.

Am I the best at this game? Obviously not. You don't see my name on leaderboards on some score attack site, do you? But, I am consistently, reliably good at this game. "Star Fox 64" was the first thing in my life where I went from trash to treasure because I fought for that skill. I had blood in my nose and scabs in my throat, and I still wanted mastery of this game. (Okay, the bodily wounds may have had more to do with a joint tonsillectomy and adenoid removal, but you get the picture, right?)

Why? Why was this game so worth my time and effort?

Well, it could always be backwash from being raised in a second-wave feminist environment, having to prove my worth through violence (or, at the least, masculine activities.) But, if not that? God, man. Why do some people rescue beautiful princesses? Why do others plant fictional farms and build dollhouses? Can't we have the real thing? Sometimes, the answer is no. And, no. I can't go to faraway galaxies and get in dogfights. I can't pilot a plane. I'd get sick! I struggle to make friends, and God knows I can't make my parents happy. But just for an hour at a time, I can have a world where I can meet its needs and it mine, even as it's burning to the ground.

This is the game where I fell in love with video games.

And man, that scares the hell out of me!

You get it, right? Things that you love can hold incredible power over you. Things that you love open you up to derision from others. Even on this obsessive fandom hell site, I still hesitate to talk about the things that I love, particularly when it comes to video games or stories. Because it's not real, is it? Not like your friends or your family. And yet, people gain something real from the love of a fantasy. Perspective. Empathy. Confidence. They can lose real things, too. Money. Sense. What vestiges of reality keep them alive.

I wish I had something sagacious to say here, regarding finding a perfect balance between fantasy and reality. Michael Ende would have had better words regarding that, but he's dead. I guess all I can tell you is that a bunch of cartoon animals barking at me ended up being pretty good for me, even in real life. It gave me room to fail, then helped me succeed. It helped me learn to study, plan, practice, and execute. And you know what? It turns out you can apply those tasks to many areas in your life. Like, I dunno. A taxing academic system or a demanding job or playing musical instruments or writing weird-ass fanfiction online.

Okay. Maybe I didn't come away from this game completely normal. Just better than I was.

If you too would like to have a brain reformatting and/or an existential crisis with a bunch of space furries, "Star Fox 64" is a pretty good way to do that. I imagine you will find it hard to start. If you find the Lylat System as charming as my child self did, it'll likely be worth the effort to keep trying. At the very least, pull up a long play and dish up the cheese. I mean, you get to have the benefits of YouTube, in this dystopian future. I didn't. I had to get my hands dirty, instead. But man, it was a thrill doing so.

If nothing else, I hope you can find love in something that kicks your ass. Weird and disturbing as that blessing is. 

[sonderwrit]

C112: There's a kitty!

I Have to Be a Great Villain - Masterpost

Child!Wang Yi is a menace to my heartstrings in the cultivation world...

S-0: The protagonist shou in Defying the Gods is an extremely "unlucky" person.

S-0: Ever since he was born, he was disliked by his poor family for his meager talents.

S-0: Fortunately, with the guidance of a passerby immortal, he ascended the immortal mountain and passed the trial.

S-0: His cultivation path thus begun.

S-0: He wanted to take the passerby immortal as his master, but "unluckily" discovered—

S-0: That the immortal sovereign already had a direct disciple.

S-0: Moreover, because of his excellent background and spirit roots, this disciple was extremely domineering.

Disciple: You want to be a direct disciple with skills like that?

S-0: And [the disciple] always targeted him.

S-0: Luckily—

???: From this day forward,

???: You will be my direct disciple.

S-0: Because of his down-to-earth, hard-working, and kind nature, he was accepted as a disciple by the young new sect leader.

S-0: And was also "unlucky" enough to get in trouble with the demon lord when gaining experience outside.

Demon Lord: Very good, you've caught the interest of this seat.*

*this seat 本座 - literal translation, basically a formal way of referring to oneself, like the royal We or "this exalted one"

S-0: Thus he was entangled—

Wang Yi: WAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT!! What are you saying!

WY: Although I'm generally clear on my role as a villain, is this protagonist actually unlucky? (Why do all his encounters sound so fortuitous? He always gets what he wants?)

S-0: Aish~ it's just the settings.

S-0: After all, this is a thrilling danmei novel with a high-level of NP, so there's always tropes like these.

*high-level of NP (NP高嗨) - NP = numerous pairings = numerous couples

WY: (AHHHHHhhHHHHhhHHHHHH)

WY: N what….? High what….?

S-0: All right already, even if you memorize the plot, Host will forget it soon enough. Don't panic.

S-0: Since a cultivation world contains many special rules and abilities, Host needs to transmigrate in advance as a child to get used to the settings, or else it'll be hard for you to use your cultivation skills smoothly.

S-0: The longer you stay in this world, the higher your probability of meeting Mr. Qin. To prevent mind-reading abilities from ruining the plot, S-0 will completely seal your memories.

S-0: For a couple of decades, you'll believe that you're really (the character) [Silkpants Senior Brother - Immortal Wan Yi].*

纨���师兄 - 万亿仙君 - a silkpants is literally a dandy/fop, and instead of Wang Yi this time they went to Wan Yi which literally means "trillion" hahahha

S-0: Once "it" leaves, your memories will be unsealed so nothing gets delayed.

[Specification: Using the time to cultivate immortality, have the Main System observe the two people with amnesia and restore their memories after it leaves the Main Quest.]

WY: Childhood stage…

WY: Then do you know who Qin will transmigrate into?

S-0: Uncertain.

S-0: Host may need to explore the rest—on your own.

—

[Yunshan Sect]

Redhead Disciple: Hey guys, look.

Redhead: That's Sword Saint Qin's new disciple, right?

Redhead: I heard he's a genius with a special spiritual root.

Redhead: But it seems like…

Redhead: His brains aren't all that great.

Girl: Shhh—stop talking!

Girl: Yunshan Sect's elders think the Sword Saint has the best chance at ascension. He's only taken this one disciple after thousands of years.

Bun Disicple: It doesn't matter, everyone knows Sword Saint Qin's ice cold heart only cares about the Way.

Girl: Even this disciple seems to have been pushed onto him by the sect leader out of worry for his lack of successors.

Girl: He definitely won't teach him seriously.

Redhead: Oh? So it's like that.

Girl: Sigh, pity the child who has to stay with a giant iceberg like the Sword Saint, no wonder he doesn't know how to smile…

Redhead: *shock* AHHHHHhhhHHHh WHAT IS HE DOING!

Redhead: STOP—!

—

Wan Yi: Kitty? Just then kitty was right here…

Bun: HEY, LITTLE JUNIOR BROTHER, DON'T MOVE!

Bun: (This child is too young, he only has spiritual roots but isn't old enough to practice incantations/spells/magic. He'll be a goner if he falls.)

WY: ?

*SLIP*

WY: !

3 Disciples: (AHHHhhHHHHHH! ! ! ! IT'S OVER!)

*rustling sound*

Disciples: (This is…Lotus Blooming Steps?)

Disciples: (There's only one person in the world who can change the air currents into such a shape with his steps—)

Disciple: (The Sword Saint, Qin Xian*)

*Qin Xian (秦献) - this time the Xian is the 4th tone [haha, for the 4th world?] and means "offer/present/dedicate

—

WY: ?

QX: What, are you doing? *coldly*

WY: ….! Kitty…

QX: Master, there was a kitty…

QX: ?

QX: So you wanted to jump down just to see a cat?

WY: (How could that be.)

Disciples: (Ahhhh sorry! It was us who startled him!)

WY: ………

Disciples: (Sorry, sorry, sorry)

WY: Mhm.

WY: It was a kitty I'd never seen before.

QX: …….

Disciples: (UWWWAHHHHH)

Bun: That um, senior Sword Saint, the truth of the matter is…

*WHOOOOSH*

Disciples: ?!

Disciples: …..

Redhead: W, what now?

Redhead: The Sword Saint is really scary, he must have been annoyed by little junior brother, right….? Will there be punishment?

Bun: That's not something we can determine. Let's go, it's not like we'll die.

Girl: I plea for the ascended immortal to protect little junior brother.

—

[Sword Peak]

[Specification: The main hall of Yunshan Sect is located on the main peak, while the various elders live on their own personal peaks.]

[Currently, the little junior brother that everyone's worried about—]

*sniiiiiiiiffffffff*

*sniff* *sniff*

WY: ?

WY: (Kitty…nuzzling?)*

*吸猫 - it's not literally sniffing or nuzzling, it's just a literal term to express one's love of cats, such as kissing or hugging them. 

—

Mini-Theater

#The S-0 who's in the cliffside cave#

S-0: (Help! So this is what Host is like as a child!) [Isn't he too easy to trick?]

—

[theofficialsiyauniverse-blog]

Human Rights Defence in South Africa: The Story of Siya Hlongwa

Mapping Life Direction and Intent

Education is more than a path to academic achievement; it’s a transformative opportunity to refine one’s skills, foster critical thinking, and cultivate a deeper sense of maturity and purpose. For me, education has been a powerful platform – a means to dream, to envision a world where possibilities are limitless, and to gain the knowledge and training needed to turn those dreams into reality. In my homeland, eMzansi, South Africa, we are still grappling with the profound legacy of apartheid. The apartheid system left deep scars across every aspect of our nation, designed intentionally to exclude and economically paralyze communities outside the white population. Non-white communities were forced into remote, overcrowded townships far from economic hubs, commercial centers, and social services. These “dormitory” settlements were deprived of basic amenities like quality educational facilities, local businesses, and even shopping centers, forcing residents to undertake long, arduous journeys simply to meet their essential needs.

Birth and Upbringing in Umlazi

I was born in eThekwini, previously known as Durban, in KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa (eMzansi). My early years were shaped under the care of my grandmother in Umlazi, a township initially designated during apartheid as a “Bantu stand.” These areas were designed to segregate people of color, cramming families into two-bedroom houses that could fit within an average white suburban lounge and dining room. Growing up here exposed me to authentic community leadership, often spearheaded by women in solidarity. These women sustained their family units while actively contributing to the wellbeing of their community.

Women as Community Pillars

Women and girls in Umlazi led households, and if unemployed, they created multiple informal businesses. They opened salons, sold goods, and hawked on street corners – anything to support their families. These women exemplified humility and strength, addressing issues such as poverty and illness in the community with urgency and compassion. Their actions reflected a spirit of Ubuntu that left a lasting impression on me.

Lessons in Ubuntu from My Grandmother

My grandmother, a nurse at King Edward Hospital, raised me as a single parent. She later became a matron and leveraged her position to provide healthcare to bedridden neighbors in Umlazi. I often accompanied her after work to deliver medicines and essentials. With any additional income, she would buy groceries for families in need, and I, along with friends, would deliver these supplies. Through her example, I internalized the principle of Ubuntu – not as a theoretical concept but as a way of life.

Educational Journey and Professional Development Studying Architecture at the University of KwaZulu-Natal

Attending the University of KwaZulu-Natal to study Architecture was transformative. Here, I trained rigorously in various design disciplines, including graphic, interior, industrial, and urban design. We explored African architecture and its diversity, honing skills in manual rendering techniques, model making, and using materials like balsa wood to create physical representations of architectural concepts.

This education came with personal sacrifices. My grandmother’s limited pension meant I often camped at university, sleeping on campus from Sunday through Friday. Instant porridge and noodles sustained me, and while I completed my degree in record time, I missed out on a formal graduation due to financial constraints.

Working in Architecture and Development

Over the past decade, I have contributed to designing government housing, hospitals, schools, stadiums, police stations, and correctional facilities. Through these projects, I became proficient in 3D rendering software, such as Revit, and AutoCAD for drafting and design development as well as physical models making of architectural and urban designs.

Pursuing Town and Regional Planning at Wits University

Earning a postgraduate diploma in Town and Regional Planning from Wits University allowed me to integrate my previous architectural training into urban planning solutions. I learned traffic engineering, urban design, stormwater management, and Geographic Information Systems (GIS). Our field studies took us from South Africa to Mozambique, focusing on creating urban frameworks for communities in crisis.

Master of Science in Development Planning

Completing my MSc in Development Planning at Wits solidified my understanding of urban development at a systemic level. I explored urban philosophy, diverse architectural movements, and conducted research that polished my academic writing and data analysis skills. This foundation led to contributions for international organizations like the UN, under my organization, the Global Development Consortium.

Social Development and Collaboration

Beyond academia, I extended my work into social engineering by partnering with institutions such as Wits University’s Transformation and Employment Equity Office and its Gender Equity Office. Through initiatives like the Safezones program, I facilitated social development focused on equity and safety. I am often invited to share on my 8 years of experience in diversity and inclusion policy making and leadership training as an expert locally and internationally where I reflect on the importance of transformation and gender equity while fostering disability rights access.

Conclusion: Embracing Ubuntu as a Lifelong Principle

Today, the principles of Ubuntu guide my perspective and actions. In a time when kindness is often exploited for social gain, I view compassion as a core value embedded in my DNA. My grandmother’s teachings echo strongly: the time spent on negativity is better invested in creating the future we desire.

The image below was captured at the UMP Unleashing Our Voices, Dismantling, Hetero-Normativity event in 2024 as the keynote speaker.

[thatswhatsushesaid]

we do, actually.

from the EXR translation

In the past, Wei WuXian and Nie HuaiSang studied together, so there were a few things he could comment about this person. Nie HuaiSang wasn’t an unkind person. It wasn’t that he was not clever, but that his heart was set somewhere else and used his smarts on other areas, such as painting on fans, searching for birds, skipping classes, and catching fish. Because his talent in terms of cultivation really was poor, he formed his core around eight or nine years later than the other disciples of the same generation as him. When he lived, Nie MingJue was often exasperated by the fact that his brother didn’t meet his expectations, so he disciplined him strictly. Despite this, he still didn’t improve much. Now, without his older brother protecting and supervising him, under his lead, the QingheNie Sect declined day by day. After he grew up, especially after he became the sect leader, he was often troubled by all kinds of affairs unfamiliar to him and looked for helpers everywhere, mainly his brother’s two sworn brothers. One day he’d go to Jinling Tower to complain to Jin GuangYao, and the next day he’d go to the Cloud Recesses to whine to Lan XiChen. With the two leaders of the Jin and Lan Sects supporting him, he still barely managed to settle on the sect leader position. Nowadays, whenever people mentioned Nie HuaiSang, although they didn’t say anything on the surface, the same phrase was written on their faces—good-for-nothing. (pg 114)

there are a couple different ways to interpret this:

nie huaisang, through no malicious fault of his own, is just incompetent. he doesn't have the instincts for leadership and, as a direct result of neglecting his studies and ignoring nie mingjue's attempts to teach him (however misinformed those attempts were), hasn't acquired the skills to learn to lead, either. he sucks at this job because he is badly suited for it and also wasn't adequately prepared before nie mingjue's death, but he isn't doing any of it on purpose. OR,

nie huaisang is feigning incompetence in order to ensure that he is never viewed as a threat by any of the other sects or by jin guangyao specifically (i have other thoughts about this, namely that he was never in any danger from jgy before the guanyin temple confrontation, but that can wait). this means that he intentionally chose to neglect his responsibilities and his obligations to his sect for the purposes of pursuing a decade-long revenge quest against one man, and allowed his sect to suffer for it.

either way, whether his actions are a result of unintentional incompetence or willful, malign neglect, he's a bad sect leader.

---

this post has been added to my dreamwidth meta archive here: https://thatswhatsushewrote.dreamwidth.org/5554.html

I respect the anon who claimed Nie Huaisang was the one sending the anti Jin Guangyao posts, but Nie Huaisang didn't run his sect into the ground. He was a poor sect leader and probably depended on Nie Mingjue's sworn brothers more than most would say was a good idea, but I don't think we hear about Qinghe and the Nie sect doing poorly. We hear about Nie Huaisang being a headshaker and doing a poor job but not about his land and his sect suffering. I think?

.

[antiquatedplumbobs]

CC Free Frontier Cabin

I’ve been meaning to build a small house that’s a suitable decades starter for a while. I finally had some time this weekend and ta-da, this tiny cabin! It’s styled after frontier cabins from the American west and furnished for the late nineteenth century. No such amenities as indoor plumbing or electricity here! 

Lot size: 20x30 Price: §19,877 Lot type: Residential Location: Hindequarter Hideaway, Brindleton Bay Lot traits: Natural Well, Off The Grid, Great Soil

More info and download under the cut!

I’ve always felt that due to the timeline and rules of the decades challenge (starting in 1890 and having only a married couple) that it makes sense for me the most in the scope of American westward expansion, particularly the expansion that resulted from the Homestead Act of 1862. This act allowed for U.S. citizens, and intended U.S. citizens to claim 160 acres of land, they were required to live on the land for five years and improve it through means of a dwelling and cultivation of crops. After the five years they were entitled to the land, free of charge except a small registration fee. 

I built this cabin as one that was either built by the sims moving west themselves to claim the land, or as a cabin that was built by a distant relation and has been left to the sims. Either way it makes sense that a married couple without any friends or relations would be moving in here, and they probably wouldn’t have a lot of the skills necessary immediately. 

I personally get very caught up in backstory for my sims, anyone who reads my decades challenge will know my two starters had whole families prior to the beginning of the challenge. However, I cheated to start a bit, I had my sims take out a bank loan, and technically due to the rules of the challenge they probably weren’t supposed to already have families. They also had some skills because with the story I wanted to tell it wouldn’t make sense for them to know nothing. 

However! Not everyone is like me and plenty of people want to play this challenge completely to a T, and this cabin is for those people. 

This cabin was built on Hindquarter Hideaway, and it looks very good there, nice and secluded. I also tested it on the Windenburg island, the country in Windenburg, and in Glimmerbrook and it looked good in all those spots, so feel free to place wherever you want, I just wouldn’t do a different lot size besides 30x20 or the flowers and grass may look strange.

I went a little crazy with the liveeditobjects but I wanted it to have a wild feel, you’re welcome to delete them if you need space for farming and animals. The cabin is perfectly sized for one couple, but it will need to be expanded for children. I’m contemplating making some room additions to it that I would put up for download, let me know if anyone would be interested in that!

I hope that you all enjoy it, it’s probably my favorite build so far!

Available on the gallery as Frontier Cabin by antiqueplumbobs. 

Tray files available on SFS | Google Drive

@twentiethcenturysims @maxismatchccworld

[vintagegeekculture]

The Chinese Cultural Inspirations for Dragon Ball Z and Super

Journey to the West was only the beginning. 

A lot of people are vaguely aware that Dragon Ball was inspired by Chinese culture and Hong Kong Kung Fu movies and novels, but are unaware of how deep and long lasting it goes. The Japanese spent the 1980s fascinated by China, which opened up from being a closed society for decades in 1978; the most famous human being in Japan in the 80s was either Michael Jackson or Jackie Chan. 

In fact, a lot of people commonly believe that the Chinese action movie and Kung Fu novel cultural and media influence on Dragon Ball ended very early on. This is untrue. Sure, we started to see qipaos and cheongsams less frequently when they headed to West City, but it absolutely did not finish, because there’s tons of influence to see even as impossibly late as Dragon Ball Super. Interestingly, I don’t think any of these point of inspirations have been pointed out before, mainly because a lot of Chinese adventure novels are simply not available in English. 

 The Piccolo/Gohan plot was inspired by the Chinese action novel “Heavenly Sword and Dragon Sabre.”

Okay, tell me if you’ve heard this story before: a truly demonic, weird looking monster villain is defeated by a martial arts hero, but by circumstance, is forced into training his greatest enemy’s young son. The villain trains the young boy, the son of his enemy, in martial arts and over time, becomes like a second father or uncle to him and his family, putting the boy in his “evil” sect, and thanks to his love of his rival’s son, this baddie turns over a new leaf and goes from evil to just…grumpy, and becomes a loyal, though gruff, ally of the boy.

Of course, the events of Heavenly Sword and Dragon Sabre are a bit different from Dragon Ball in details. The Lion King becomes Wuji’s teacher because they are both stranded together on an island after a shipwreck, for instance, and he is blinded and made vulnerable. Also, the Lion King wasn’t so much evil so much as he was misunderstood by the orthodox martial world. However, in broad outlines, this trajectory for a face turn (becomes friends with his greatest enemy’s son, and becomes like a second father to him as he trains him, causing the villain to become a gruff good guy and ally) is essentially from one of the most famous Chinese novels ever written in the 1960s. 

Oh, and while we’re at it, Gohan is likewise inspired by another character from a Louis Cha novel: the Prince of Dali Duan Yu in the Kung Fu novel Demigods and Semi-Devils. The Prince in that novel is a naïve, pacifistic scholar who prefers books to fighting, and who was raised to be timid and avoid combat, absolutely out of step with his family, all of whom are martial artists and warriors. In fact, the beginning of the story is the prince gets incredibly lost in the wilderness, where the hopelessly naïve prince is utterly out of his depth, with all the robbers and scary beasts, and needs to be saved by real martial artists that protect him like fairy godparents. He spends the first part of the story running away from everything, scared as hell. However, by circumstance, he has naturally high power he cannot fully initially control, and eventually realizes that even scholars and others who hate fighting have to sometimes become fighters to protect those they love.

The Duan Yu part of Demigods and Semi-Devils was made into a film, the Battle Wizard, which was reviewed by PewDiePie. The Dragonball similarities went over his head because, honestly, PewDiePie does not strike me as a perceptive person. 

 Hit was based on the screen persona of Chow Yun Fat.

Chow Yun Fat was a Hong Kong cinema superstar who was to director John Woo what Robert de Niro was to Martin Scorsese. There are three giveaways that Hit was based on Chow Yun Fat. One, he’s an assassin, same as Chow Yun Fat’s character in the Killer, and is even given a sequence that’s a John Woo homage with an assassination in an office building with guns pulled on an empty elevator in an act of misdirection. Second, he’s wearing the single piece of clothing Chow Yun Fat is associated with, a black trenchcoat (fun fact: in Hong Kong today, trenchcoats are called Brother Mark Coats, after Chow Yun Fat’s character in John Woo’s A Better Tomorrow). Third, his power is essentially bullet time, a visual technique refined by John Woo in Hong Kong in the 80s and 90s in his gunplay triad movies starring Chow Yun Fat (what, you think the Wachowskis invented it?).

 The Goku/Vegeta relationship is from “Legend of the Condor Heroes.”

Here’s a story you might have heard before. It’s about two rivals, but by circumstance, one is raised in the wilderness beyond civilization, where he becomes an honest and goodhearted, though overly naive bumpkin, martial arts prodigy. The other is raised a wealthy prince by a conquering enemy, who grows up to also become an armor wearing martial arts expert, but also a cunning, arrogant, emotionally distant sociopath.

The similarities go into their love lives, too. The unsophisticated bumpkin hero is betrothed to a daughter of a powerful bearded barbarian king against his will, while the one hint of vulnerability and loss of emotional detachment in the otherwise sociopathic prince, the crack in his smirky arrogance, is that he loves a girl he otherwise pretends to hate, and even fathers a child with her who becomes a main character later.

This is Guo Jing and Yang Kang from Legend of the Condor Heroes. The most fascinating similarity, and proof that female psychology is the same all over the world, is that the fangirls love the emotionally distant, arrogant, and sexy/evil prince (remember when Rhonda Rousey said her first crush was Vegeta?). Girls everywhere love bad boys and sexy villains, and oh boy, do they love Prince Yang Kang. I think you can probably guess who all the fan art is about for Legend of the Condor Heroes, and what ship is the most popular.

I have to emphasize that Legend of the Condor Heroes, which came out in the 1950s-60s, is possibly the most widely read novel by the most widely read novelist on earth - the sales on that dwarf Twilight and Harry Potter. It’s probably not an exaggeration to say nearly every Chinese person, even if they never read it, knows who these characters are. In fact, Yang Kang and Guo Jing from Condor Heroes are basically repeated over and over in Asian, Chinese, and Japanese culture. Does the unsophisticated but gifted martial arts prodigy bumpkin hero, and the glib, arrogant wealthy prince rival remind you of….another duo of rivals?

Gohan/Videl comes from Little Dragon Maiden

One of the most important and influential Martial Arts novels of all time is “Return of the Condor Heroes.” A sequel to Condor Heroes, this time, the main character is the teenage son of one of the main characters from the first novel. It gets even more familiar from there.

“Return of the Condor Heroes” was about a martial arts couple who are also master and student, the same age but vastly different in experience and skill so one somehow seems “older,” and they fall in love because the circumstances of training together requires they spend lots of time together and become intimate. The training story and the love story are exactly the same in “Return of the Condor Heroes.” The dead giveaway one story inspired the other is that in both, the most significant training sequence is one where the master teaches the student how to fly (though Return used a chamber of sparrows for lightness Kung Fu).

There are some differences of course – obviously in Return of the Condor Heroes, the genders of teacher and student are flipped from Gohan and Videl (it’s the Little Dragon Maiden who is a powerful teacher, and the boy who is the student). It was the girl (Videl) who was a rebellious delinquent in Dragon Ball Z, when it was the opposite in the novel, true. But it was obvious this story was in the back of the creator’s mind as a way to combine Kung Fu with the love story, by making teacher and student lovers.

Addendum: hey, remember that awesome movie Kung Fu Hustle, the one Hong Kong movies normies have seen? Well, remember the landlord and landlady? The landlady was named Xiao Lung Nu, or Little Dragon Maiden, and her husband was named Yang Guo – the same as the main characters in Return of the Condor Heroes. It was a joke that went over the heads of Westerners, by giving these names of attractive and naïve young people in love with each other to a surly, bitter, arguing and chain smoking middle aged couple who don’t give a damn.

 Going Super Saiyan comes from “Reincarnated” aka “Bastard Swordsman.”

Stop me if this sounds familiar: a terrifying warlord tyrant prone to killing underlings who displease him has achieved a level of skill and cultivation so tremendous nobody can stop him. But there is one, and only one, thing he fears and that can defeat him: a long-lost legendary skill that nobody has achieved in recent memory, that includes a supernatural combat power transformation that turns the hair light to indicate it worked.

This is “Silkworm Skill” from Reincarnated aka Bastard Swordsman, a novel and TV series from Hong Kong in the early 1980s. Of course, there are differences. To get the power boost and new hair color, the hero has to jump in a cocoon he weaves himself. In fact, the scene is so well known that they actually have it on the poster.

(To those saying “Super Saiyan turns your hair blonde, not white” my response is that it turns hair white, or uncolored, in the comic book.)

The idea of your hair turning white to indicate a new supernatural combat transformation or martial state wasn’t created by Bastard Swordsman, though – though it is the best example and probably the one most familiar to a 1980s audience due to the hugely popular books and TV series. For an older example, a famous Chinese movie based on a folktale is “Bride With the White Hair,” about a bride who’s hair turns white when she is betrayed, in her anger, she becomes less a woman and more a supernatural creature of vengeance (interesting that anger should be the means to unlock it).

[faneposting-my-beloved]

Guess I am legally obliged to yap now. Just so y'all know my Godwoken function on a shit ton of lore headcanons (and they have their own fanfic) so I'll try to explain this and not weird you out to the best of my ability.

[art by _itsmegara] Who are they? (in bg3 character creation voice)

Elane is not sure who she is herself. Hunted down by her kin for as long as she could remember, then taken by a couple of human nobles, her whole life was marked by a dreadful sense of not quite belonging. But since then she's been civilised and raised in a little dreary town in Lower Stormdale. She was more than happy to settle down, running her parents' estate until the Magisters came. And they came asking questions.

[art by DragonsAria] What is their damage?

Learning the 'kill or be killed' mantra the hard way ever since you first opened your eyes to the cold, ruthless world around can be quite scarring. Oddly enough, Elane's body is resistant to all kinds of permanent physical damage. Her psyche tho? It's an ongoing, ravaged battlefield. Every little thing chips away at her carefully cultivated image of a sensible and collected woman. The beast underneath lies dormant, placated by the sense of safety in a controlled environment. Once the chains of comfort are stripped away,however...

[art by Ace.Vermillion] What do they look like?

Elane is shorter than most elves, standing at around 2,35 m. Her complexion is perpetually pale, unable to catch any sunkissed shade. Her black hair is slick and touches the ground. There's always one shorter strand hanging over her face, pulled out of her updo, but its' length varies, depending on the time of day. Similarly, eyes are either dull black or glowing silver depending on the phase of the moon. It's just an elf thing, really.

Are there any differences between their in-game model and how you imagine them?

It's mostly the hair. Plus Elane NEVER wears any elven clothing, even if the alternative means going around naked! Throughout her story she scavenged for human clothing, putting up with the ill fit.

[art by thedreamingqueen] What is their fighting style?

Savage, rapid, bloodthirsty. The force of the swing pulls the entire weight of your body forward after your blade. You soar through the carnage, headless of exposing yourself to the potential blows. When they come, grab the blade buried in your flesh and hold it, thrusting the point of your sword blindly, repeatedly, till the other end of the weapon embedded in your guts hits the floor. Their blood rejuvenates you, this can go on for hours.

Elane is a Necro/Warfare physical damage dealer who dabbles in Hydro to cast Blood Rain and Storm. She favours two-handed swords. She also makes sure her party keeps standing, be it through her own blood, or the enemies'. Her favourite Source skill is Summon Inner Demon. Her own Source skill would be 'Bloodlink'. Same idea as Guardian Angel, only that the damage reflected is 80% and it heals all linked allies an equal amount.

[art by lex] Who do they love and why?

The simplest answer would be that Elane loves her parents the most, despite them being dearly deceased for over a decade now. They shaped who she is and she honours their memory by acting the part that would make them proud. However, that fundamentally is an illusion. The truth is, Elane only loves herself, a wicked kind of affection that stuck to her when she was forced to fend for herself deep in the Elven Forests. She was alone for so long that by force, she became her only and best friend. She could only trust herself and only she knows the secrets that her body hides. The irony is that the desire to know, a drive Elane tragically suffers from, is the easiest way to melt the pretty, stoic facade she's built around herself. Because she desperately wants to know what she is. Who she is. And who would aid her search for answers better than a scholar asking himself the same questions? Fane needs Elane, as she not only knows the world better, she can also strongarm her way out of any situation. She's more than willing to put herself between him and danger just to preserve his brilliant intellect that may explain the intricacies of her affliction, given enough leads. Elane needs Fane because he is so much like her. Strange, timeless, unfitting of everything and everyone she knows. She knows he yearns to know and she's willing to tolerate his unpleasant company for getting to the bottom of things. This very transactional relationship slowly bubbles into something sincere if addicting, once the mystery slowly unveils.

[art by DragonsAria, sketch of Elane's human parents] Anything else you'd like to share about them?

Elane's a great cook AND a picky eater. Though, not the way you think. She can eat meat just fine without getting the elven memory flashbacks. She can still do the memory reading, as long as the meat's bloody, but she doesn't like the act one bit. She picked her birthday to be on the 12th of Fengali Her instrument is the cello. I based her whole playlist around strings...

Tagging: @laytonsgal @sabin1108 @sadhaappreciationsociety @arnaerr @aetherneadraconis @blackstaff-blast

DOS2 fandom, show me your Godwoken? Tell me about your Godwoken? (For example:) Who are they? What is their damage? What do they look like? Are there any differences between their in-game model and how you imagine them? What is their fighting style? Who do they love and why? Anything else you'd like to share about them?

Everyone who sees this post, consider yourself invited. And feel free to tag your friends if you'd like.

@flower-khajiit, @divinityiswasted

Just do it. This is a threat.

[nillegible]

the JGY amnesia Fic

[AN: Someday I will come up with decent titles for my fics... but not now XD I hope you like this fic, the premise is that the issue with XY and NMJ happens before JZX’s death, and so the argument and the stairs moves up in the timeline! And JGY hits his head and gets TV-show amnesia, and remembers no one, not even himself, but is otherwise his sharp, suspicious self...]

He wakes up sure that he is dying, nothing else could hurt so sharp, agonizing pain radiating out from the back of his head, stabbing sharply every time he is swung, and he forces his eyes open. The light burns, but he can make out an earth green and brown collar, and a strong jawline. He is being carried by this man.

He doesn’t know who this is, but he feels… safe. Even though every step this man takes makes his eyes water.

He blacks out.

*

His name is Jin Guangyao. It rolls smoothly off his tongue, but sits wrongly in his mind. “Temporary amnesia,” the doctor had informed him, when Jin Guangyao could not tell him the answers to any pf his questions; not his name, or the date, or where they were.

A fancy young master in white-and-gold robes, who introduces himself as Jin Zixuan, is the one who sits by his side and tells Jin Guangyao the basics of his life. There is such an obvious lack of detail that it leaves him intrigued. And Jin Zixuan looks ashamed when Jin Guangyao asked if he was Jin Zixuan’s uncle. “No, I’m your older brother,” he says. “We… we share a birthday, but you’re a day younger.”

Jin Guangyao watches him for a moment, and wonders at the source of his brother’s shame. “I’m a bastard, aren’t I?” he asks.

“My father legitimized you!” Jin Zixuan protests. “You’re my brother.”

Jin Guangyao smiles at him. This man is clearly naïve, but has no ill-intent. The man who had named Jin Guangyao Jin Guangyao, however? He is yet to ascertain that.

*

Jin Guangyao’s memory doesn’t return within the first week. With his head injury healed, though, he’s allowed to leave the infirmary which allows him to collect a lot more useful data.

There is a lot of work piled up in his room. Disorganized, as if someone had gone through it to take the important paperwork to work on while he is <infirm>. That he was assigned so much work that was non-essential makes him wonder if he was actually pretty low on the social ladder, here. He goes through all of them anyway, most of it is useful information, painting a picture of Jin sect’s activities, and the sorts of projects that they allow to drag on for weeks. Jin Guangyao has left meticulous notes in a separate notebook about how to put everything into a more sensible order. That such reworking was required

His accessories, or lack-there-of, are even more enlightening. There’s also a scholarly-sort of hat, and only a few cheap hair ribbons. Nothing at all like the intricate jade hairpins or crowns with intricate metalwork and precious stones that Jin Zixuan and Jin Zixun wore daily.

Jin Guangyao’s place here is… obvious.

He wonders who the man who had picked him up after his injury, was. No one tells him, not even Jin Zixuan, he just pats Jin Guangyao’s hand and says, “Don’t worry, you’re safe now.” The implications of that are obvious, of course, that the stranger was the one who had hurt him. And yet it’s a subject no one speaks of, of how Jin Guangyao had fallen down the thousand steps of Koi Tower, and he hadn’t asked after the first two times. He stays wary, watching everyone. Someone had tried to kill him, and he doesn’t even remember which of his acquaintances might want him dead.

*

Lan Xichen arrives two days after his release from the infirmary, Lan-Zongzhu, according to everyone else. He’s beautiful, the most beautiful person that Jin Guangyao has ever seen. Since he remembers all of a week, this doesn’t sound like a compliment, but Jin Guangyao could probably search for decades and not find anyone more beautiful. It would not be fair.

They have tea together, after Lan Xichen – “Call me er-ge, you are my sworn brother, A-Yao,” – has checked him over worriedly, and checked his meridians, and pressed his fingertips gently to the back of Jin Guangyao’s head, to where his head injury had been, and ascertained that he truly is well.

“They did not tell me you were injured,” he says. “Da-ge had to, and this is the week of new students for the summer lectures, I could not leave. Jin Zixuan promised me you were well, though,” he says. Sincerity shines through him, and Jin Guangyao wonders what on earth he, an unwelcome child in his own family, could have done to make this man care for him.

So he asks.

Lan Xichen describes a heroic young man, who gave him shelter when he needed it most, who had smiled and laughed at him, and helped him with chores he could not do, and gave him the strength to fight a war. Lan Xichen tells him that this kind young man had gone into a war that did not affect him, only to help, that he had turned spy against a raging mad man, and finally taken off his head.

“So that is why my father took me in,” says Jin Guangyao. There’s a flicker of pain on Lan Xichen’s face as Jin Guangyao tells him what he’s surmised about how he’s treated here. “Did you know?” asks Jin Guangyao.

“I suspected,” Lan Xichen says softly. “But you were too proud to tell me. You insisted you were happy here. I visited when I could, but I never… I’m so sorry.”

Jin Guangyao reaches out to pat Lan Xichen’s hand, it feels so familiar, even if Jin Guangyao can’t remember doing it before. He must have, Lan Xichen’s sad face cannot be borne. “I’m sure I didn’t want to bother you, er-ge. You’re overworking yourself even now.” The signs are there, even behind his flawless composure. “You look so tired.”

“I had to come,” says Lan Xichen. “I was so scared that you…” He trails off, then turns his hand, holding onto him tightly. “If you don’t remember your place at Koi tower, do you want to return with me until your memory recovers? We’re still reconstructing, but Cloud Rececsses is still an excellent place to ”

“This Jin Guangyao is honoured, but what if it doesn’t?” asks Jin Guangyao practically. “I can’t just leave my home like that.” More quietly, he adds, “There must have been some reason I didn’t leave before.”

“You never said, exactly, but I believe it was because of your mother,” says Lan Xichen. “She wished that you would gain your father’s recognition, and a place at Koi Tower.”

“Do you know anything about her?” Jin Guangyao is not an idiot, he knows from the snide remarks, the way that people try not to touch him that he is of low birth, that his mother’s occupation was. That. He wonders if Lan Xichen will lie to him.

“She was an educated woman,” he says. “A renowned beauty. You’ve told me that you take after her, in many ways. She was skilled in the arts. She never taught you art but she was your master in calligraphy and music. She loved you very much and wanted you to have a good education because she knew… she knew that A-Yao is so incredibly smart and destined for greater things.” He squeezes Jin Guangyao’s hand. “Her life was not easy. She suffered, but she loved you. She would be proud of you, to know how much you achieved.”

It should matter, it does matter, Jin Guangyao’s heart squeezes, but it is from sympathy for what Lan Xichen is feeling. The dark honey-gold eyes are bright with tears. Clearly Jin Guangyao had loved her very much, before. But Jin Guangyao cannot find in him any love for a woman that Jin Guangyao cannot imagine. A woman with his face, a prostitute, but educated, talented. And ambitious to have Jin Guangshan’s son.

“My father did not take her in, I gather?”

“He did not. She died of illness shortly before I met you.”

“Thank you for telling me,” says Jin Guangyao.

*

Lan Xichen stays an entire afternoon, and readies himself to leave at dusk. Jin Guangyao accompanies him to the sky-pavilion on Koi Tower that the Jin disciples use to take off from.

There’s a last nagging question that Jin Guangyao hadn’t managed to slide into the conversation, as it meandered into cultivation theory and Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen had tried to piece out some kind of pattern in what kinds of cultivation knowledge he had retained, and what he had forgotten. It had been an interesting exercise.

“Er-ge, before you go,” says Jin Guangyao. He looks around cautiously, but no one is near enough to overhear. “You’re older than Jin Zixuan, aren’t you?” he asks, and Lan Xichen nods. “So our da-ge… you never said. Is he… did he die during the war?”

“No!” cries Lan Xichen. “A-Yao no, he’s not. He’s fine, he just could not find time to visit.”

Lie.

It’s the first time Lan Xichen has lied to him today, but Jin Guangyao is certain of it.

“No one talks about him, and I couldn’t find any letters from him. I did find a few of yours. No one even says his name. Who is he?”

“Nie Mingjue,” says Lan Xichen, sounding defeated. “Of course you would think to ask, but his name is Nie Mingjue.”

Everything falls into place. Jin Guangyao has seen some Nie disciple couriers on their way to private meetings with his father and the Jin council of elders. Hard faced and angry looking, they kept to themselves and departed the moment they could, without staying for a meal or entertainment.

“You think he pushed me down the stairs,” says Jin Guangyao.

“No,” says Lan Xichen. “We know he did. He kicked you down the stairs. He–”

“And you believe that?” asks Jin Guangyao.

“Of course I do,” says Lan Xichen. “Da-ge was the one who told me. I knew that things were difficult between the two of you, recently, but I had not imagined… It does not matter, we are looking through the records now, so that you can be free of your vows to him, and even if we can’t find something, he won’t visit Koi Tower again, Jin-zongzhu has forbidden it.”

“Oh,” says Jin Guangyao, mind whirring. “Okay then.”

“Is A-Yao afraid we’re covering something up?” asks Lan Xichen. Jin Guangyao is not sure what gave it away, he thought he’d kept his face smooth.

“Naturally I trust er-ge,” he says, smiling up at him. “I just remember him, vaguely. He picked me up. He saved me.”

It’s Jin Guangyao’s first memory, pained and fragmented though it is.

“He did take you up to the infirmary right after,” Lan Xichen agrees. He looks faintly puzzled, like he’s not sure why that matters to Jin Guangyao.

“I understand,” says Jin Guangyao. “Nie-zongzhu would of course regret his action after his moment of anger.”

“He does,” Lan Xichen assures him. “You should write to him, if you are willing to accept his apologies, but Da-ge is terribly sorry.”

“Thank you er-ge, I will,” Jin Guangyao promises. The relief on Lan Xichen’s face is too pure for this world.

He waves goodbye after Lan Xichen takes off, and steps back into the maze of Koi Tower, mulling over all the new knowledge that Lan Xichen had brought with him. He was right, he should write to Nie Mingjue.

But after some more research.

What could they have possibly quarrelled about so badly?

Jin Guangyao makes his way back to his rooms, keeping his face expressionless at the gilded opulence and overt unfriendliness of his home. He doesn’t understand his past self at all.

Why does he still live here, where he’s so clearly unwanted?

Why did he even care for the acknowledgement of Jin Guangshan, who from even just Jin Guangyao’s few interactions this week and the gossip he’s picked up, is a selfish, disgusting pervert who wouldn’t spit on Jin Guangyao if he was on fire.

Just because his mother wanted him to?

She was a good woman, he hears again, in Lan Xichen’s sincere voice. But Jin Guangyao doesn’t get it. She had to have been a fool, to believe in Jin Guangshan, or terribly cold and cruel to send him to Jin Guangshan knowing exactly what kind of derision would await him here. He is a war hero, and yet he’s treated like a servant.

Jin Guangyao is in the mood to be charitable, so he picks the former.

He still doesn’t know why he stayed.

[You can now read part 2 here!]

[stiltonbasket]

Hi, I'm newly obsessed with your Silver Jian Seeking Hearts fic and I can't get it out of my head. Unless they're spoilers, which I could totally understand, could you please please PLEASE tell me anything about the 400years LWJ spent grieving and why he immediately manhandled WWX in the dream? I'm dying to know how he recognized that it was more than just a dream and what implications that has for his 400 years solitude

Please and thank you!

I'm still crying and it's been two days

I haven't worked out much of his backstory yet (aka why the next chapter is taking so long) but Lan Wangji died about twenty years after Wei Wuxian died at Bu Ye Tian, and less than six hours after Lan Xichen did. Unlike either of them, he died in sufficient torment to break the soul-calming seal on his body, and immediately transformed into a vengeful ghost.

At some point during the next decade, he ended up wandering into the gambling den at Hua Cheng’s Ghost City, where he tried to bet his hands (i.e., the skilled hands of a swordsman and qin player) for information on the whereabouts of the person who played the “second flute” on Qiongqi Road and at the Nightless City. Hua Cheng realized that Lan Wangji was trying to avenge his beloved and took pity on him, telling him to stay in the Ghost City and cultivate his strength rather than looking for vengeance. He also said that unless Wei Wuxian’s soul shattered, he would probably spend some time as a ghost before reincarnating given the manner of his death, and reminded Lan Wangji that the Ghost City was as good a place to wait for Wei Wuxian as any.

However, Lan Wangji left the Ghost City in less than two months (unsurprisingly, he hated the place). Instead, he went back to the region inhabited by the four great sects and decided to look for clues, eventually discovering Nie Mingjue’s head hidden in the Jinlintai. But since Lan Wangji could no longer enter the secret library at the Cloud Recesses, he couldn’t figure out how Jin Guangyao murdered NMJ, or why the head was so steeped in resentment.

The solution to that was to reveal himself to Nie Huaisang, after which the two of them took revenge on Jin Guangyao. After that, Lan Wangji drifted off again and ran afoul of a nest of flower demons (the “Land of the Tender” from TGCF)--but unfortunately for the demons, he was unaffected by the succubus poison and refused to have anything to do with them. Angered, the demons declared that he would never know the sweetness of a beloved’s embrace, even if he spent four hundred years yearning for them.

About sixty years later, he returned to the Ghost City in time for the opening of Mount Tonglu and emerged as a Devastation after five years in the kiln. Unlike Hua Cheng and He Xuan, he chose not to establish a domain of his own, and took the shape of a wandering cultivator until he settled down in the woods near Jinshan.

As for why he immediately manhandled Wei Wuxian in the dream--that dream was Wei Wuxian having a flashback from his previous life! Everything that takes place in the bridal sedan (and after) is real, right up until Wangxian take their wedding bows. They are actually married by the time Wei Wuxian returns to the Jiang squad, which is why WWX immediately starts pining for him and falls into spiritual decline from lovesickness.

[zykamiliah]

“You seem (…) to have an extremely generous opinion and takes on characters like YQY, SY, LBH, SQH, LQG”

Ad hominem strike one; don’t try to dismiss stardust’s extremely kind and well explained essay, with numerous quotes to back it up, by saying they have a “generous opinion”, just because it contradicts your actual baseless opinions and it upsets you.

“even when the text shows their wrongdoing”

SHOW ME THE TEXT. Don’t say stuff like “in the text” without backing it up.

“it is only natural to be very generous to the main characters you’ve been following”

Ad hominem strike two, plus shameless condescension lol you’re still not discussing the points stardust explained to you.

Noticing one thing that’s pretty common among SJ “fans”: you deliberately call him SQQ and call SY by his first name. This showcases you have an extremely disfavorable opinion and takes on SY!SQQ.

Just so you know: both SJ and SY become SQQ. They are two different SQQ, but they’re both SQQ.

“This is not about proving you wrong or changing your opinion, or winning imaginary fandom points over you, fandom is fun, it’s a place where many fans state different personal opinions”

Ok, so let me quickly explain something to you. When you state an opinion, in formal and informal speech that is prefaced with something like “in my opinion”, “I think”, phrases like that. And as you said, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Saying “I think YQY and SY!SQQ are bad people” it’s not the same as saying “YQY and SY!SQQ are bad people”. The first is an opinion, and the second is formulated as an absolute fact. So if you want to state opinions, please be careful how you write them. It was you who commented on a post that explicitly contradicted your own opinions, in a way that formulated your opinions as facts.

Again: You came to a post that discussed one of the themes to state your own opinion as fact.

Oh, and trying to dismiss a discussion by saying it’s nothing serious, fandom is fun, why are you taking it so seriously… *sighs*

Moving on.

“every single character (…) has committed (…) a horrible act, but they were forgiven anyway, and got a good ending”

…I do wonder, under what logic do you think svsss is operating? Do you think this is a Disney movie? A moralizing story? Where there are very clear lines between good and wrong? Where the characters that suffer get rewarded for their suffering (such a Christian worldview) and the ones who make them suffer get punished?

Who do you think should reward or punish those characters, the narrative????

This is not a children's storybook. This is not a novel about what happens to people who break the rules or do bad things. This is not that type of book so I suggest you abandon that logic if you want to analyze svsss.

That said, the Narrative didn’t punish SJ!SQQ for his actions. LBH took revenge on him for the pain SJ!SQQ had caused him. It’s fucked up, but hey, taking into account that SJ did the same to his former two masters, I wonder how he didn’t see it coming. You reap what you sow. If you cultivate hate, you’re gonna get hate in the end.

“SQH betrayed his sect (…) participated in sabotaging a nationwide conference that ended up killing hundreds if not thousands of kids, including his own disciples”

SQH’s situation is not by any means similar to SJ!SQQ. He was coerced by the System to stay in CQM and sabotage the IAC. So this example doesn’t prove anything. He was admitted back to the sect bc of his skills, and yes, YQY is generous,

But he was VERY, VERY, VERY “generous” to SJ!SQQ.

Try to remember that despite his terrible personality, his abuse of LBH (and other disciples, depending on what you want to believe), him supposedly killing LQG, him visiting brothels, NEVER got him in any problem. YQY protected him throughout decades until he couldn’t anymore. The only reason SJ!SQQ was imprisoned was because Bingge dug out his past and brought it out to the public. This means that despite all, SJ!SQQ was ALWAYS protected by his martial siblings.

If you want to contradict the fact that “CQM protects their own”, please try to back it up with quotes?

“SQQ went out of his way to save his most hated shidi (…) what happened next is the world punishing SQQ for his good deed”

Go back to the previous point about SVSSS not operating on a Disney logic. SJ!SQQ didn’t get “punished”, he simply didn’t want to admit he tried to save LQG, and didn’t even let SQH defend him, because his pride wouldn’t admit it.

“LQG spread nasty rumors about him”

LOL. When does it say that. Show me the quotes. LQG can’t be bothered about SJ!SQQ. He doesn’t want to be close to SJ!SQQ.

You seem to me upset about the fact that the Narrative to punish LQG, but LQG didn’t do anything wrong to SJ!SQQ. SJ!SQQ repeatedly threatened to kill him, beat up one of his shidi, and repeatedly ambushed him to try to teach him a lesson. And all because SJ!SQQ was very jealous of LQG’s talent and background. Stardust quoted the sections FROM SJ!SQQ’s OWN POV that clearly state this fact.

“SQH could have fixed it all”

YES. HE TRIED. SJ!SQQ DIDN’T LET HIM.

“he’s just a cute hamster”

LMAO. LOL even. Hamster SQH is so fanon. Please if you enter a serious discussion about canon under your own volition, try to stay focused on canon. If you can’t, please get out.

“LQG stalks SJ!SQQ into a brothel”

This fact is wrong and if you bothered to read the qijiu extras you’d realize that. But it seems that reading or rereading the novel is for people with bad memory lol Okay then. You’re still wrong. I won’t bother to share the quote because I know you won’t care. But let me summarize it to you: SJ!SQQ went to a brother, a BZP disciple caught him and made fun of him, SJ!SQQ beat him up, LQG rightfully got angry when hearing about this and went to confront SJ!SQQ, but YQY got there before they could fight, with YQY diffusing the tension LQG simply left, because again, he can’t be bothered to pay attention to SJ!SQQ. This idea that LQG is somehow obsessively trying to make SJ!SQQ unhappy is so fanon. Please, remember that SJ!SQQ and SY!SQQ are not the same.

Also, LQG is not a stupid “meathead”. That’s another fanon take that contradicts his canon characterization. He just likes doing things using brute force, which is the preferred Bai Zhan method too.

“face the consequences of being disrespectful to his senior”

Oh look at that. You trying to use the filial piety logic here? And what about SJ!SQQ being disrespectful to every one of his martial siblings, including the sect leader? Doesn’t that deserve punishment too?

Btw SJ!SQQ never got punished. YQY defended him all the time and the peak lords tolerated him.

“critical thinking dies when it comes to (SJ)SQQ”…

Yes… it truly does die…

*sighs* It’s never clearly stated but from SQH's words in airplane extra, the text suggests/points out/implies that SJ!SQQ killed LQG by accident, while trying to save him from a qi deviation. But SJ!SQQ’s own cultivation was very inestable so it didn’t work. And as I said before, he was never punished for this. CQM never punished him. YQY didn’t even believe it was true. And SJ!SQQ never tried to defend himself from this accusation.

“I can’t tell if YQY hates (SJ)SQQ or loves him”

…You really can’t tell? Okay then. Maybe go back to reread the qijiu extras, okay? If the YQY’s blatant favoritism for SQQ in the main text is not enough for you. It seems that YQY had to literally present his bleeding heart to SJ!SQQ in a silver plate for you to believe he loved SJ!SQQ more than anyone.

Ah. What am I saying. That did happen. He gave SJ!SQQ Xuan Su and told him to do whatever he wanted to him.

“SQQ rightfully accused SQH for treason”

…again, what does this have to do with the discussion about SJ!SQQ abusive behavior? SJ!SQQ was suspicious, if he truly wanted to uncover the truth he could have tried to pursue the matter, but after YQY told him to go easy on SQH, who had just gone through something terrible, he got mad and left. Terrible childish of him, if you ask me.

“he could’ve used his authority to stop LQG”

…which he did. The only reason he went to the brothel was to protect SJ!SQQ.

Again, what does this have to do with SJ!SQQ canonical abuse of LBH?

“YQY always believed the worst of (SJ)SQQ”

Lol. LMAO. Ah. Can you please—You know what, no. You’re wrong. Previously stated blatant favoritism, previously stated handing him his life in a metaphorical plate, and all the other canon moments YQY protected him and favored him. YQY was the only one of the peak lords who wanted him to “recover his memories”. Come on now.

SJ!SQQ BELIEVED in his OWN HEAD that YQY thought the worst of him. BUT that’s SJ!SQQ CANONICAL self-hate talking, not YQY.

“(YQY) did nothing to stop that (…) trial”

…YQY almost started a war with HHP when SY!SQQ was accused. He only stopped because SY!SQQ surrendered himself. Knowing SJ!SQQ he probably surrendered himself too. Later, YQY sneaks into the water prison to treat SJ!SQQ, and the only reason he didn’t break him out was because SJ pushed him away.

Read this again.

SJ!SQQ. Pushed. YQY. Away.

I’m not going to answer your opinions on YQY going into an “obvious trap” to try to rescue SJ!SQQ after receiving the legs because it seems like you have an extremely non generous opinion and takes about him. He tried his best and he failed. The narrative didn’t reward him for his good actions either.

“(YQY’s) refusal to explain why he broke his promise”

Listen buddy try to stay consistent okay? You can’t clame YQY’s shizun was abusive and in the next breath dismiss the obvious trauma YQY carries with him, which made it impossible for him to vocalize it until the time he thought he was going to die. He was burdened by his guilt and thought an explanation wouldn’t be enough.

Also.

If you had read the qijiu extra carefully you would know that the original Shen Qingqiu FORGAVE Yue Qingyuan at the end.

Yeah, read that again.

HE FORGAVE HIM. Because he realized that YQY really did care for him!! And that’s why he pushed him away in the water prison conversation, because he didn’t want YQY to get hurt.

But you seem to be above rereading a novel you don’t seem to like, even though you came into a post discussing one of his central characters, so *shrugs*

“your bias made you read between the nonexistent lines”

Ad hominem strike 3; there’s no “reading between the lines”, stardust quoted the book to you. If you think reading the direct text from the novel is reading between the lines… well, that’s your opinion.

“YQY is an overbearing older brother”

LOL. Can you please quote that to me from the novel? That’s fanon buddy. I think you’re confusing fanon with canon.

“who can’t help but micromanage (SJ)SQQ’s actions”

…really??? He was micromanaging SJ!SQQ when he let him do whatever to LBH? Or when SJ!SQQ went to brothels, disrespected him, disrespected his martial siblings and received no consequences for it? Are you sure you aren’t just referring to a fanfic you read?

RE: the bit about YQY and LQG supposedly isolating SJ!SQQ…

Buddy are you SURE you read the novel????? SJ!SQQ isolated himself. They never punished him! For decades SJ!SQQ did whatever he wanted and never got punished by the sect! It was Bingge who got revenge on him and used the SJ!SQQ bad reputation to condemn him. Cang Qiong Moutain never did anything to SJ!SQQ.

RE: your opinion on SY!SQQ supposedly not really loving LBH: Congratulations, you got fooled by the unreliable narrator!

I won’t bother explaining to you SY!SQQ’s character because you seem to have an extremely non generous opinion and takes about him, so I don’t think anything I say will change that. You’re free to have your opinions, just don’t claim them as fact without backing it up with quotes.

No, you don’t need a “microscope” to understand SY!SQQ’s character. You just need to reread the novel. Which isn’t something you are interested in doing. Again, why did you come into the “we reread the novel” club if you don’t plan to at least do the bare minimum that is backing up your “facts” with quotes?

Though I do have to wonder, what does that have to do with SJ!SQQ being abusive? Why do you keep changing the topic, diverting the discussion toward other character’s actions instead of discussion SJ!SQQ’s actions?

Also, if you don’t get the fact that SY!SQQ genuinely cared about LBH, a basic fact about the novel, then I doubt you even read the novel.

“Where do I even start about LBH”

Yeah this still has nothing to do with SJ being abusive lol.

Yeah LBH had trauma from his childhood and that was the basis for his blackening in the future. How does that excuse the abuse SJ!SQQ did to him? Ah, maybe you mean to say, since he was blackened anyway, he deserves to suffer? Well, with that logic, then SJ!SQQ deserves to suffer too, since he came to CQM after being abused and mistreated during his childhood and adolescence.

“Bc you seem to like proof from text…”

You mean, all this time, you haven’t been talking about the text!? *gasp* You were discussing canon??

“I don’t need a PHD in SVSSS literature to make my points clear, not everyone is overly zealous or passionate about the stories they engage with”

You don’t need a PHD, you just need to read. The point you’re making is that you don’t read the novel, you don’t care what the novel says, you just subscribe to a certain interpretation that completely contradicts canon.

Also: Ad hominem strike 4, trying to dismiss the essay by saying that not everyone is passionate about the stories they engage with. You seem pretty passionate about it yourself, what with how many words you are writing about this topic, and all the characters you say you dislike!

Again: buddy this is the “being passionate about svsss” corner. What are YOU doing here?

“the maigu ridge scene isn’t that deep”

See this where you should have said: “I THINK the Maigu Ridge scene isn’t that deep.” Then I would say, well, that’s just your opinion.

But you saying it’s not deep just reflects your own perception and unwillingness to analyze the novel. It’s not reflexive of mxtx’s writing.

“it is not news that MXTX has a r*pe kink”

Ah. Are you perhaps kinkshaming the author? Are you implying having kinks is wrong? Are you saying writing about this kind of experience is “wrong”?

Careful there, you are starting to sound like a puritan. Famous for having a black and white thinking, not nuance at all.

And as you go on and on about how awful LBH is, I keep asking you: What does this have to do with SJ!SQQ's abusive behavior? Are you saying that because Bingge became such a terrible person, SJ is justified in his abuse?

LBH didn’t become a “mass murder rapist”. He didn’t raped anyone like Bingge did. If “mutual dubious consent” is something you find difficult to understand, and you are unwilling to open your mind to understand it, then that’s your problem.

“the incredible rich spoiled detached from the world got everything to him”

LOL are you talking about SY!SQQ? Are you saying HE is detached for the world? The same guy that couldn’t go through with his escape plans because he couldn’t stop himself from rescuing CQM disciples? The same man that during the Abyss years roamed the cultivation world? Wow so detached. So uncaring.

Ah but I forgot, you have an extremely non generous opinion and takes about SY!SQQ, so it’s a moot point trying to discuss them with you when you’re clearly so biased.

“the story itself doesn’t know what it wants you to believe”

Buddy mxtx revised the novel twice. I think the author pretty much knows better than anyone what the intention of her novel was. This is just you trying to make it look like SJ is a poor misunderstood little man trapped by mxtx’s narrative, which is… I can’t even put it into words. Blatantly misleading?

The fact that YOU can’t understand the novel doesn’t speak of MXTX’s writing abilities. It speaks about your inability and unwillingness to understand it. It speaks about you liking one character, allegedly, but disliking his canon characterization and the canon itself from which the character forms part.

And after all you wrote, you STILL didn’t make any convincing arguments about how SJ!SQQ’s canonical abusive behavior "is not abuse actually". That he suffered in his youth doesn’t make it so that his abuse is justified. No matter what excuses you want to make about LBH “deserving it”.

Don't bother to reply.

Shen Jiu is an abuser. Shen Jiu abused Luo Binghe and (depending on how you interpret certain parts of the novel) most likely others. He was a profoundly unpleasant person to be around by his own doing, not just some poor misunderstood baby.

Just because he didn’t murder Liu Qingge or sexually abuse NYY doesn’t mean that he was innocent of everything. Especially not his abuse of LBH which is a fundamental part of SVSSS’s story— about cycles of abuse and how someone’s life experiences can shape them in different ways.

Learning about Shen Jiu’s backstory humanizes him. It explains his actions and how he got to where he was.

It does not, and should not excuse him.

Humans can be both abuser and victim. That’s how the cycle of abuse fundamentally works.

I love Shen Jiu. He’s one of my favorite characters of all time. He’s still an abuser.

You can feel sorry for him, but don’t make him innocent. He knew what he was doing. He did it intentionally. He wanted to spite LQG, he wanted to hurt LBH, to destroy his cultivation and even his life.

Shen Jiu is a brilliant portrayal of a truth people are afraid of— that sometimes survivors are not inspirational. Sometimes they’re mean. Sometimes they’re bad people. Sometimes they carry the worst parts of their abusers with them because that was what they feared, and if others feared them then they would have the control they so desperately needed.

Shen Jiu is not a one dimensional villain who is evil for the sake of it. He’s a human character with complex reasons for being the way he is, and a traumatic upbringing he didn’t choose or have any control over.

He’s still an abuser.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Spilled Pearls

- Chapter 3 - ao3 -

The closing ceremony of the discussion conference was dignified and serene, as appropriate for an event hosted by the Lan sect, and after it was done everyone milled around to chat a little more before starting to break off into groups to leave.

The leaders of the Great Sects naturally gathered together.

They were an unusual mix. Wen Ruohan was the eldest by an entire generation, technically hailing from the generation of Lan Qiren’s grandfather even if his extraordinary cultivation made him seem as young as Lan Qiren’s brother; after him there was Lan Qiren’s father and the Jiang sect leader, Jiang Menglin, who themselves were a generation above their younger counterparts from the Nie and Jin clans – Jin Guangshan especially, having only inherited his position in the past year.

Lan Qiren’s brother stood beside them, speaking with them with his head held high. Their father planned to slowly transition sect leadership to him over the next half-decade so that he himself might be allowed to retire from the mundane world to focus on cultivation, as Lan An ultimately did. In accordance with that plan, he had allowed him to take the lead on hosting certain small events at the discussion conference, like the night-hunting.

Lan Qiren was there, too.

He was lurking as far to the back of the platform as he could get, trying simultaneously to perfectly reflect his sect’s expectations for proper behavior while also doing his utmost to remain beneath anyone’s notice – Lao Nie had caught his gaze at one point and winked, a friendly older man’s indulgence of a junior, but that was in large part unavoidable given the man’s gregarious personality – and enjoying the rare moment in which he could see his father at something other than a distance.

He usually only saw his father when he was brought before him to report on his achievements, typically once a month. When he was younger, he had been accompanied by one of his teachers, who would report on him while Lan Qiren anxiously examined his father’s face for signs of approval; now that he was older, he went by himself, dipping into a deep salute as he recited anything of interest, and sometimes if he really exerted himself his father would reward him with a word of praise.

Lan Qiren was only allowed to stand with the rest of them on the basis of a technicality – his father hadn’t officially transferred power to his eldest son and wouldn’t for a while yet, so he had brought along both of them on the transparent excuse that they could provide company for Jin Guangshan and Lao Nie as members of the same generation. It was very much a technicality in Lan Qiren’s case, given his much younger age; he fell on the very tail end of their generation on account of the circumstances of his belated birth.

Lan Qiren’s birth was very late to allow him to be considered a peer to those a decade or more older than him, in fact, but that was the way of things.

He was a child of duty, rather than pleasure.

His parents had been very much in love, as was the Lan sect’s way, and together they had had two sons and a daughter within six years, each one of them deeply beloved. But perhaps their joy had been too complete, because the heavens had not permitted it to last: they lost their younger son and daughter both – one to an unexpected illness, the other to an accident. Their eldest, Lan Qiren’s brother, was still there, but it would have been irresponsible to have only a single heir to a Great Sect. Accordingly, under great pressure from the sect elders, they had sought to have another child, only to fail time and time again, enduring countless miscarriages and stillbirths alike.

There had even been some debate as to whether such a situation permitted the sect leader to take on a concubine, regardless of custom or even his own wishes. Desperate to prevent such a result, Lan Qiren’s mother had inadvisedly taken certain drugs to encourage conception and at last Lan Qiren had been successfully born in a slow and bloody labor that had sapped his mother’s already poor health. She had died a few years later, suffering a recurrence of the infection left behind from his birth. Lan Qiren had been too young to really remember her, but he knew that his brother had blamed him for her loss ever since.

He sometimes wondered if his father did, too.

Of course, unlike his brother, his father had never said as much. As the Lan sect leader, he was graceful and refined, educated and reserved, a venerable and venerated cultivator; it was widely agreed that he would never have planned to retire so early if it hadn’t been for losing his true love all those years ago. Perhaps he might even have been another Wen Ruohan, seemingly ageless, striving for immortality – at any rate, he would never be so petty as to mistreat a person due to the circumstances beyond their control. It was something he had heard that his father had said from one of the other Lan sect juniors, and at any rate it was in the rules, and Lan Qiren believed in the rules.

Besides, it wasn’t a surprise that Lan Qiren would be an afterthought in comparison to his brother, the already famous Qingheng-jun, who his father treasured like a pearl cupped in his palm. His brother was the much-anticipated first child of his father’s happy youth, the reminder of good days gone by, a child who had survived the misfortunes that had taken his siblings, and Lan Qiren’s brother repaid his father’s adoration with strength, intelligence, and endless potential. He was a cultivation maniac, yet good at managing the other juniors; he was cold and aloof, elegant, yet capable of being personable and even charming when needed. He was one of the shining stars of his generation, already a powerful cultivator and a respected gentleman even though he’d only just passed twenty-one. Even the name which he was commonly called, Qingheng-jun, was a rarity, a personal title unusual in this peaceful day and age.

Lan Qiren, in contrast, was slow and clumsy, with only average cultivation skills and positively dire social skills. While his teachers praised his strong academic skills and musical talent, the Lan sect followed first and foremost the orthodox path of swordsmanship; once his weakness in that area had been discovered, many of his sect elders lost interest in him as anything other than the inferior back-up plan that he was.

Undoubtedly that was why, when Wen Ruohan turned to Lan Qiren’s father and said, “Your son is a credit to you,” everyone assumed he was talking about Qingheng-jun.

“Sect Leader Wen does him too much honor,” their father said, clearly pleased despite his deprecating words. After all, Wen Ruohan, Sect Leader Wen, was well known to be extraordinarily sparing with his praise for any who didn’t share his bloodline or surname. “My unworthy son is still young and foolish. His eyes are always fixed upon cultivation, never straying – he doesn’t even spare time for girls, despite his advancing years!”

The other sect leaders were smiling, and Lao Nie already opening his mouth to say something teasing, when Wen Ruohan said, “I meant your other son.”

Lan Qiren wasn’t prepared at all for all the sect leaders to turn to look at him.

He shrunk back.

“Qiren?” his father said, almost as if he were checking to confirm that that was the right name, a trace of doubt in his voice even as Lan Qiren’s brother’s face went white with humiliation. “I didn’t realize you’d had a chance to hear him play.”

“Regrettably I have not yet had that pleasure,” Wen Ruohan said, a slightly strange expression on his face. “We merely exchanged some charming conversation, that’s all. Is that his most notable skill?”

“His accomplishments as a musical cultivator are sufficient to rank him among the adults of his already talented sect,” Lao Nie volunteered when there was a brief pause, and Lan Qiren’s father was quick to smile and nod along. “You missed out, Sect Leader Wen.”

“Perhaps another time,” Wen Ruohan said, his return smile still strange and almost subtly displeased, though Lan Qiren would hardly trust himself to know for sure.

At that point, Jiang Menglin spoke up, changing the subject, and most everyone joined in, all of them evidently relieved – not least of all Lan Qiren himself, who had started wondering if there was some way he could become invisible or else fall into a deep chasm that might conveniently open up beneath his feet.

Nothing more was said on the subject until the ceremony was done and the last of their guests departed, when Lan Qiren’s brother tracked him down and hissed, “What did you do?”

“Nothing!” Lan Qiren cried out. “We only talked!”

“You mean you talked at him the way you always do – ”

Their father cleared his throat, having come up behind them, and they both turned at once and dropped into deep salutes.

“Do not think about it too much,” he said, voice distant as the cold wind on a winter night. “Sect Leader Wen sometimes likes to make trouble for the sake of making trouble, especially if he thinks he has found a weakness. You will need to be on your guard against that when you are sect leader.”

He was talking to Lan Qiren’s brother, of course. Lan Qiren could count, and had, the number of times his father addressed him directly in a given year, but it was only reasonable – he wasn’t the heir, doomed to take on the burden of leadership, and so there was much less his father needed to say to him.

“Yes, Father,” his brother said. “I’ll remember.”

“Do not trouble your younger brother over nonsense.”

Lan Qiren felt his brother’s angry gaze like a flame against his skin, even if it wasn’t anywhere as weighty as Wen Ruohan’s. He did not understand what he had done wrong, whether to Wen Ruohan to decide to make trouble using his name or to his brother now that had made him angry, but that wasn’t so much different from the usual.

“Very well, Father,” his brother said. “I won’t.”

[ddarker-dreams]

Yan Chrollo HCs / Phantom Troupe darling.

i need to remind my brain how to write for chrollo so here are some hcs of a concept i’ve been wanting to explore :’)) 

Chrollo: 

Chrollo’s dilemma is between business and pleasure, choosing what boundaries to cross and which to leave untouched. Intimate relationships are volatile, Chrollo’s priority is always to keep the Spider strengthened; so it’d be some time before you felt the effects of his obsession. He keeps it hidden beneath professionalism. 

As Chrollo always has two Spiders with him when on jobs, you can expect to always be one of those two. It’s an excellent way to see how you work and learn more about your Nen. He utilizes the time to look for any potential weaknesses, his end goal taking your Nen away one day. For now, he’ll leave you untouched. 

Scenarios will be crafted so that you two will be left alone. Whether it be for a long car ride, interrogations, or fights, Chrollo will have a close eye on your behavior. He’s particularly fond of watching you in combat. The graceful way you move, your split-second decision-making skills, how your eyes shine when besting your opponent. It’s addicting and he can’t get enough. Expect to be lavished in high praises once your fights are over. 

He’ll attempt to romance you in the classic way, your response varying. It’s difficult to deny the excessive attention your boss gives, a unique position that puts you in a weird spot. It’s natural for you to have respect for Chrollo. But you see the relationship in a strictly professional sense, with no intention to cross that line. Sure, he’s handsome, but thinking anything beyond that feels taboo. 

The rare times the Troupe gets together for heists or other activities, Chrollo takes a high interest in your interactions with the others. His facial expressions are meticulously composed to give nothing away. It hides foreign emotions that rage within him, feelings of emptiness at how you interact with everyone else. The warmth in your voice is all but gone when speaking to him, courteous manners taking its place. 

He gets in his own head. Wishing that you’d speak to him like that, not that he doesn’t enjoy your reverence, it’s just far too impersonal for his taste. Chrollo wants to talk at length about the world. Your viewpoints on life and death, how you came to create your Hatsu, what your values and goals are.

It would be a nightmare should Hisoka ever pick up on this. Hisoka rarely makes an appearance -- aside from times where he knows Chrollo will be present -- and god does he notice how the boss stares at you. Hisoka feels like he’s hit the jackpot. This might be an excellent chance to provoke Chrollo into a fight he’d otherwise avoid out of principle. 

Hisoka lingers around you, switching between flirtatious remarks and close physical proximity. It’s enough to send Chrollo’s blood boiling, but he’s not so unschooled that he can’t hide it. At Chrollo’s lack of visible response, it’d just be worse, as Hisoka ramps up his efforts. Hisoka might even start enjoying himself a little too much should you try and shoo him away. 

In a way, Hisoka kind of messed up everything, as he’s inclined to do. Troupe members can’t fight one another and Chrollo will hold to this until Hisoka reveals his betrayal. That leaves keeping you to himself by taking your Hatsu, claiming to need to borrow it for whatever reason. Left like a cat without claws, you’d need to begrudgingly rely on Chrollo to survive, unable to navigate life with the ability you cultivated for decades. 

[sorcererrezan]

unconvinced

congratulations on outdoing yourself yet AGAIN with chapter 7 @ataleofcrowns 💛 you are truly on another level queen 😌✨

prompt: “Then tell me, how can I convince you?” (list here) pairing: X/crown rating: spicy T 😏 word count: 1,929 summary: ‘It would be so easy to make him kneel for you, the way he clearly wants to—’ 

Crown Navid shows Xelef that two can play his game.

—

Liar. 

It’s what the earth spirits had said, but now, ensconced in his palace, where he has invited in those who are merely curious about him at best and possibly strategizing his murder at worst, Navid hears it in his own voice.

The control he has maintained since Ishrah and Siham opened his doors this morning squeezes around his chest. It pinches and he can feel his heart bursting out of the gaps of its hold, turning into spikes.

Navid’s eyes thin into slits of piercing gold. His tone, now devoid of its casual charm, is flat. Unamused. “I’m not convinced.”

Xelef, just as persistent, gauges him. Navid can pinpoint the exact moment the sellsword decides on his next tactic, green eyes shifting hues like a turning emerald.

“Then tell me, how can I convince you?” 

Just as much as Xelef is surely leaning on his sensory abilities, Navid’s awareness of the situation rises. Above his disrespected aggravation and Xelef’s agile contortions he can see the conflict between his own present and Xelef’s past. In the back of his mind he notes a sense of affronted duplicity—isn’t this the same man that warned him against self-destructive paralysis, the one that saw through his worries leading up to today and offered reassuring distraction?

Why can’t Xelef use that insight to understand the position he’s put a newly coronated Crown in, instead of to devise an escape from the consequences of his impulses?

Xelef steps close, as skilled at wielding a weapon as he is his own body. Navid’s thick brows furrow at himself, at the way his reaction betrays him, heart rabbiting in response to the enticingly deep fragrance clouding the mercenary, the ridges and valleys of his form set in such a tantalizing display. Navid can feel the heat from Xelef’s bare chest even through the rich fabric of his ceremonial robes and the magic imbued in them. Xelef’s hand on his shoulder is a reminder of his size and strength, of his willful potential to overpower.  

“Shall I beg you again, on my knees this time?” 

Every single thing about him is a distraction.

If Xelef wanted to keep up their easy flirtation from this morning, he shouldn’t have soured it by testing the limits of Navid’s control. But now that he has…

An open palm finds the heated skin of Xelef’s abdomen, gliding across hard muscles; callouses catching on the random, puckered skin of his scars. Navid can hear Xelef’s rushed inhale before it turns into a low chuckle. He lets his lips brush against the goosebumps on Xelef’s neck before he murmurs, breath hot on his ear, “Kneel, mercenary.”

The last word is a sharp hiss, accompanied by the bite of his blunt nails on Xelef’s bare skin. The muscles underneath his touch jump as Navid pulls him down, fingertips gliding up his torso along the way. Xelef would look almost reverent, on his knees before him like this, if it weren’t for the devious gleam of getting what he wanted in his eyes.

Navid’s lips twist into something wicked.

“Beg for my forgiveness,” he repeats, voice husky, one hand cradling Xelef’s jaw in a commanding grip. Navid feels powerful. Different from the ways before when he has bent Xelef to his will because this time, there’s no perceptive audience. 

Distraction or not, this is all for him.

Xelef bites his bottom lip and Navid eyes the plumpness of it, gaze sharpening in vindication as the man in front of him lets out a shaky, almost whining, exhale. 

“Please forgive me, Navid,” dark eyelashes flutter in a practiced way that Navid is nonetheless susceptible to. The use of his given name throws him off guard, widening his stare. Another distraction, or an attempt at sincerity? Only the Void knows for sure.

Navid nods, letting some of his cool charm return in an inviting smile. The hand on Xelef’s jaw slides to cradle the back of his head, fingers threading through the smooth locks of his hair. “You look good like this, Xelef.”

“So do you,” he eyes Navid hungrily, not even hiding the lascivious way his stare roves from right below his waistline, up the slim taper of his waist, the flare of his shoulders, then lingers on his lips before making eye contact and meeting fire with fire. 

Navid’s smile shifts into a smirk and he tightens his hand into a domineering fist, pulling Xelef’s hair, holding him in precarious place as he leans over him. He makes a show of sliding his eyes from Xelef’s to his mouth as he bends closer then closer still, until the mercenary’s long lashes flutter closed in anticipation.

Their lips are separated only by their breath when Navid tugs—not gently—and Xelef lets out a choked half of a groan.

“Don’t ever deign to undermine me like that again. Especially not amongst these vultures,” Navid spits the last word out, voice testy and dangerous in a way Xelef has never heard before. He conceals his unspoken ‘I need you on my side.’ in another jarring pull of his hair, forcing Xelef to bare his throat to him. “Do you understand, Pale Sword?”

From his vantage point he can see Xelef’s desperate swallow, can hear the submission in his shaky exhale of a response. “Yes… my Crown.”

“Good.”

Navid breaks away like a glacier’s cliff dropping into the sea. For half a second Xelef crumples, not expecting the loss of support so immediately, before his muscles clench and he regains his balance. Spirits help him, but he is not immune to the way Xelef’s abdominals, framed by the rich textures of his formalwear, dance under his tanned, hairy skin.

Navid keeps a calculated, cunning look on his face as Xelef rises on his own, eyeing him in equal parts defeated respect and surprised annoyance. 

“I suppose I deserved that,” comes the begrudging admission. Finally, Xelef’s sincerity outweighs Navid’s doubts.

“Don’t mistake my reciprocation of your attention for naïveté,” Navid pins him with a knowing stare, a reminder that as much as Xelef can see through him, he can see the same. And to let him know that, even still, he wants to continue cultivating this “whatever you want it to be” that’s growing between them. Navid doesn’t know what Xelef’s romantic past looks like—and doesn’t much care—but if Xelef wants to keep courting his favor, he needs to know that there are harsh lines that Navid will not allow him to cross. 

“I’m sick of people hiding things I should know from me.”

The last part comes out more resentful than Navid intends, tinged with his turbulent reflections about his parents’ debilitating omissions and how exhausting it is to think of learning to divine the nobility’s nebulous motives and intentions.  

“You’ve known me for mere days, and you expect me to bare all my secrets to you because I helped you once?” Xelef snaps back, patience run ragged after Navid turned the tables on him. It stings. The fatigue of the day’s emotions slams into Navid all at once, his hurt the delayed catalyst. 

He takes a deep breath, recentering himself. Is his pride worth it? They’ve both made their point. And he doesn’t quite yet know where the line for Xelef is, when taking advantage of their attraction to each other morphs into something destructive. 

He sighs. So many calculations today, mind overstuffed by the endless observations he’s made to try to perceive everyone around him. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

Navid shrugs, closing himself off from the weight of it all. He never asked for any of this responsibility, still doesn’t understand why the spirits chose him. Did they do it with the person he could’ve been before he spent a decade on the run in mind? Or with the decorated shell of a man he is now, desperately trying to fill his insides after those he trusted to protect and guide him failed? Maybe he really is naive, for dreaming that his problems could be solved simply by finding his sorcerer and finally becoming the Crown.

“You’re right, after all. We’ve only known each other a short time, and we’re not friends. I’m only your employer, right?” If Xelef wants to shield himself with that context, so be it. Navid is just as good at hiding.

“Navid…” Regret paints Xelef’s face an unfamiliar expression. 

“It is what it is. You have your secrets. I have mine.” 

“I didn’t mean—”

“Xelef,” he interrupts tiredly with an open palm. “It’s alright. I understand. Just don’t get me killed.”

Navid forces a smile to soften the jibe, retreating back into performance. Xelef opens his mouth as if to say something, brow bunched as he seems to sway between decisions.

“I’ll just see you—”

“The Mîrs of Rojan and I have a long, bloody history together. I don’t want to speak of Behram, but…” 

Xelef holds Navid’s gaze, still wavering for a beat before choosing his path. Something parts behind his eyes, something that allows both of them to see. How alike they are. How tired. How terrified and cautiously hopeful.

Xelef tells his story about Behram’s predecessor. Navid listens raptly, fully aware that this vulnerability could be fleeting, and hangs onto it. The part of him that doesn’t ache for Xelef as he unravels the tragedy of his childhood is grateful for the distraction from his own maelstrom of trauma and emotions.

“Then why did you help me?” Navid asks, feeling the gulf of his status between him and Xelef more distinctly than ever.

“I… had my own reasons,” he doesn’t meet Navid’s eyes when he answers. Though it’s not the reassurance that he wanted to hear—that he did it for more than just the potential of gold or vengeance—at least it’s the truth.

“In any case, does this sate your curiosity a little bit?” 

Navid recognizes the attempt at lightheartedness as a tool, though just like with his own attempt earlier, it’s outweighed by the ghosts that linger around them both. 

“Is this usually how you leave people sated after kneeling for them?” It’s not quite the same playfulness that’s usually between the two of them, not after what they’ve found out about each other today, but it proves that they can bounce back. Move forward, together.

“No, but today was a special occasion,” Xelef smiles, though it looks dim on his face. It flickers away, making room for the solemnity in his voice. “You should know—I told you that because I wanted to.”

“I do know.”

Navid reaches for Xelef, this time with no ulterior motive, but someone clears their throat before they touch. 

“Yes?” Navid tries not to let exasperation color his tone—the guards don’t deserve his ire. Still, he can’t help but be disappointed at the interruption, especially since this feels like some sort of breakthrough between him and Xelef.

“Forgive the intrusion, Your Imperial Majesty.”

Ah, right. The banquet and its accompanying expectations. Navid sighs, imagining the steam rising from the bath he plans on sinking into after all this. Alone.

“You go on ahead,” Xelef concedes. “I think I need some time to myself.”

“Will I see you later?”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily,” relief flushes out Navid’s discordant emotions, and he holds on to the smile that Xelef sends his way to bolster him for the rest of the night. “You haven’t paid me yet, after all.”

“I’m good for it,” Navid hopes his returning smile, laden with the complications of things said and unsaid but sanguine nonetheless, does the same for Xelef.