#obviously some of the crows in the books have plenty of history

[kazz-brekker]

the book ice court heist has big group project involving people who don’t like each other vibes but the tv version is just going to be forced couples counseling via trying not to die together

[haruka-teno]

2023 Reading Wrap-Up

01. How many books did you read this year?

I read 72, with about 12 of those being graphic novels/manga/something fairly short, BUT I read easily 2,000 pages of fic (probably much more lol) so I figure that counts as like 5 or 6 books too!

02. Did you reread anything? What?

I think I did a full re-read of Saga? I didn't log it, but I think I did lol. If not I at least reread the equivalent of the last few volumes to refresh my memory. I reread all of Captive Prince and the short stories because that's an absolute must. I reread Dark Rise to prepare for Dark Heir. And then I also kind of "reconnected" with a book from college that I had previously thought lost to time. It's called Sum: Forty Tales from the Afterlives and I had never read the whole thing but my friends and I always remembered a couple of the stories we'd read from it 15 years ago. Sadly those stories we remembered were actually pretty much the only memorable ones.

03. What were your top five books of the year?

It's hard to narrow it down to just five because I would say there were at least 10 to 12 that I really loved, but if I had to make a list I would say:

1) The Secret History - a polarizing book to say the least but it was exactly my brand

2) Six of Crows - by far the best Grishaverse book and probably one of the best YA books of all time in general

3) The Fifth Season - the way that people's minds work is just incredible. Like I think to have written this is such an achievement

4) Dark Heir - this series should have been adult and I don't think I'll ever feel NOT robbed by that, but this so far exceeded book 1 that I can't be too mad. Had me losing my mind

5) A Power Unbound - Ross on top 🫡

04. Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

Technically Leigh Bardugo was new to me this year lmao so obviously I plan to read basically all of her books going forward. And Mother Donna Tartt. We will as always continue being loyal to Freya Marske, CS Pacat, and Mona Awad as well.

05. What genre did you read the most of?

Fantasy, romance, and literary with LGBT and YA as overlapping subgenres. No one is surprised.

06. Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

lol.

07. What was your average Goodreads rating? Does it seem accurate?

I have no idea how to find this on goodreads but my average on storygraph is 3.74 which is probably accurate. I rarely give books 5 stars, but I give plenty of 3s and 4s. I kind of want to have a higher score next year though because it'll mean I'll have been more discerning with what I choose and finish.

08. Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones?

I did and I didn't haha. I wanted to get to 75 and that didn't happen, and I also went through multiple slumps where I read next to nothing. The number doesn't matter so much as consistency so I want to try to work on that more. Pushing myself to read more and scroll less.

09. Did you get into any new genres?

I guess kind of? I read some non-fiction and a weird amount of short story collections, but none of it really stood out as being more enjoyable to me than just... the typical fiction that I like to read. I do have a few more short story collections I want to read this year as well as maybe trying to do a bit more non-fiction but I'm not going to be that pressed if I mainly stick with novels.

10. What was your favorite new release of the year?

Unlike certain among us I liked Hell Bent by Leigh Bardugo!! But the obvious answer is Dark Heir, followed closely by A Power Unbound.

11. What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read?

Definitely The Secret History which has been out for like 30 years haha. To me this is the absolute peak and definition of "dark academia." Don't start calling some book """"dark academia"""" if some TSH shit isn't happening! But anyway, yeah, it's just so good: gorgeous prose, mostly vibes, characters who need to be studied extensively in a laboratory. I related too much to Richard Papen, it's actually sad!

12. Any books that disappointed you?

I genuinely hate to say this but the first book that came to mind as being disappointing while also not being actively disliked is Good Omens. I like the show a lot! And I know we like to jape and jest about British people. But my god, this was too British for me. It was so frustrating because the core idea is SO GOOD and so wildly imaginative, and at times it's really funny, and obviously Crowley and Aziraphale are the gems of it all, but so much of it WASN'T funny, like to the point of being aggressively UNfunny, even, and those sections would drag and drag. Way too little Crowley and Aziraphale, WAY too much of the little boy and his friends who I absolutely hated. I guess call me a rube or whatever but I vastly prefer the TV show 😔 Unrelated, but I was also wildly disappointed in the last Simon Snow book! I was also underwhelmed by Holly Black's The Stolen Heir and Tomie by Junji Ito.

13. What were your least favorite books of the year?

Grab a snack because I'm about to go off.

1) The Vegetarian by Han Kang - translated fiction is hit or miss with me. This is the year I realized I mostly do NOT fuck with Korean fiction, sadly. This book is touted as one of those kind of sad girl feminist novels but omggg from what I remember it was just really boring (I only finished because it was like 200 pages), repetitive, weird but not delightfully weird just like weird where the actions of the main character are nonsensical as is the behavior of the people around them, ZERO payoff at the end where one might feel a salient point had been made... If this is one of those "the girls that get it get it and the girls that don't don't" books then mark me down as not getting it

2) The Westing Game - genuinely why did I read this

3) Cursed Bunny - more translated Korean fiction, this time short stories. Again, just so gross at times but not Sayaka Murata gross, just like WHY?? gross. And when it wasn't gross it was boring and pointless!

4) Any Way the Wind Blows - I literally deserve financial compensation for completing this book. What the fuck was that ending? Why is Agatha tending goats after one of the worst lesbian romances ever put on paper. Why did Simon and Baz almost have sex 14 times and then stop all 14 times for the same reason and make virtually no progress with their relationship because of Simon's immaturity. Why was the Penelope plotline even happening. I'm kind of astounded by this one actually

5) My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness - this is an autobiographical manga and my reaction was all the worse because I thought this was going to be a total banger. It's a bestseller, I've been hearing about it for like 10 years, I've seen some relatable screencaps, it sounds perfect..... And then I read it and the writing itself kind of lost me/bored me at times, and it's actually not relatable in the slightest because the MC/author (I guess?) is sooo off-putting and the bulk of the book is about her visiting prostitutes. Color me naive but I thought this would be about like, meeting another woman and the tentative first steps taken with her, not GENUINELY diving into the sex industry, which I am absolutely repulsed by. Woof!

Honorable mention to A Strange and Stubborn Endurance for being Like That and having one of the most annoying protags I can remember in recent history.

14. What books do you want to finish before the year is over?

Well this ship has sailed and my goal was to finish all the books I had started so I could begin 2024 with a clean slate and it didn't happen 😔 But time is also an illusion.

15. Did you read any books that were nominated for or won awards this year (Booker, Women’s Prize, National Book Award, Pulitzer, Hugo, etc.)? What did you think of them?

None that I actively sought out. I believe The Fifth Season won the Hugo which is well-deserved but I don't know anything else off the top of my head.

16. What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

Oh man, I can actually kind of go off on this one too lol. I read all of Heartstopper this year, and I'm sorry, it's just okay. I think if it had been on the shelves for me to read in like 2005 I would think more highly of it, both because I would have been reading it as a young teen and because then it might have been revolutionary for the time. In 2023 though it's far, far from the best piece of gay teen media (that would be Skam) and it's WILDLY overhyped. Legendborn by Tracy Deonn was so massively hyped up on booktok as being like THE BEST YA NOVEL EVER PUBLISHED and I'm kind of mystified, honestly. It was alright! And I could say even more but I'll leave off with Yellowface by R.F. Kuang. She constantly has her ass licked by basically everyone and I genuinely, genuinely don't get it. Yellowface is miles above Babel as far as enjoyability and I even thought it was quite funny at times, and got through it quickly, but this author writes flattttttt-ass characters and can't see past her own nose. Absolutely obsessed with the audience knowing how smart she is and hand-holding them to the very obvious points she's making. She's another one like Otessa Moshfegh where I kind of just hate read her stuff at this point lol.

17. Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

I think most of the books that I thought were good I had expected to be good, but two things come to mind. Early in the year I read a duology called Heated Rivalry and The Long Game and it's literally just highly sexual gay hockey fiction but it genuinely surprised me by how sweet it was and how much I loved the story. I actually bought physical copies even though they have horrible covers with Sexy Shirtless Guys on them lol. The other book is called A Touch of Jen which I was drawn to only because of the cover, I thought the description seemed kind of lame, and it doesn't have a very good goodreads rating either, but I loved reading it and thought it was hilarious.

18. How many books did you buy?

I couldn't even venture a guess to be honest. I have been much better of late about book buying (because now my money is going to dolls 😭), but I'd say during the year I probably accumulated at least 40.

19. Did you use your library?

Yes. I don't physically go into the library even though I'd like to, but in this house we do stan Libby, Hoopla, CloudLibrary etc.

20. What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations?

The usual suspects: Dark Heir and A Power Unbound, both of which met/exceeded expectations. I was begging for more Will/James, and it delivered, and I was hoping for more sexiness from Freya Marske as well as some good Edwin/Robin content and I was also very pleased with that :)

21. Did you participate in or watch any booklr, booktube, or book twitter drama?

I don't participate in drama but I definitely watch drama unfold, predominantly on tiktok. There were definitely plenty of stupid takes and notable events!

22. What’s the longest book you read?

Technically the longest page count was the complete Tomie comics at 742 pages but as far as regular books, it was Rule of Wolves by Leigh Bardugo at 608 pages.

23. What’s the fastest time it took you to read a book?

Technically I'm sure my shortest book was a volume of comics in like 20 minutes or whatever, but I'm going to say my record is reading Captive Prince, Prince's Gambit, Kings Rising, and the short story collection back to back over the course of about 3 or 4 days.

24. Did you DNF anything? Why?

I DNF'd one piece of nonfiction (Killers of the Flower Moon) and one novel (The Atlas Six) that I just wasn't in the mood to read when I started them but I'm going to give them both another chance at some point, or at least I'm planning to so far. There were definitely other books I sort-of started and then the library hold lapsed and they'll ostensibly be gotten to at some point, but I don't really count those as DNFs. The only notable DNF was this essay collection about horror movies from a queer perspective called It Came From the Closet. I was expecting this to be good even though I'm not a big fan of essay collections as a general rule, but omg....... Ahhhhhhhh!!!! Unsurprisingly Carmen Maria Machado's essay about Jennifer's Body was well-written (even if I personally love a lesbian Jennifer interpretation more than a bi one), but hers is the only one I really remember other than the Horrible One. I read about half of this book and a lot of the essays were just very mid (I know it's these people's real lives they were writing about! But yeah!) and almost all seemed only tangentially related to the specific horror movie they'd picked. There were also plenty of movies I'd never seen so even if there'd been appropriate context I wouldn't know it. The absolute last straw though was the essay that was supposedly about Hereditary. I could not tell you how the author connected all of this shit to Hereditary because AGAIN, none of the authors did a good job actually fitting their life within the context of the movies, but the story of his personal life was bad enough. He had married a girl I think while knowing he was gay? Which was definitely more acceptable historically than it is in like, a world where Hereditary exists?? I'm pretty sure this dude kissed a guy on his wedding day! and then proceeded to write about how he was secretly talking to men online SPECIFICALLY in the context of like fat fetish/weight gaining fetish communities, he himself was purposefully gaining weight because of this fetish and became enmeshed in online communities about it, I think was making fetish videos of himself and uploading them???? And then in the end he meets up with some guy he met online and I think we were supposed to think it was cute but I was 10000% on the wife's side, and as a fat woman and lesbian, I hope that guy kills himself. Anyway lol.

25. What reading goals do you have for next year?

I think my officially set goal is 75 books/25k pages. I'd like to meet that or exceed it. I very recently got into audiobooks after being a staunch hater (I still think they're very much a cheat code, and different from ACTUALLY reading!) so I think the goal is easily attainable, and my lowkeyyy goal is 100 books. My main goal though is to read every day and to not get into so many slumps: like just make reading a habit that I keep up with. More reading, less mindless scrolling and tiktok. And maybe DNFing more instead of forcing myself to finish a book I'm not liking just because it's short or I want "credit" for my time spent with it. Like reading more quality books. I'd also vaguely like to read some classics and more nonfiction.

[garak]

i think an asoiaf tv show or movie would not work (this has been proven) but i DO think a really long play or opera would work really well as an adaptive medium because you can have the characters talk to the audience without it seeming stupid (if you dont believe me check out r&gad or teenage dick or most any good shakespeare adaptation) which means you get the same effect as having pov characters, & you could even work the narrator in there if you really wanted to. im about to say some really nerdy shit so sorry about that but i think having the 3 eyed crow present in all scenes, not just bran’s scenes, to provide side commentary and to follow characters around at key points and also to help move the sets around because god knows the techs would have their work cut out for them doing something like this would actually be a very good framing device to add nuance thats lost otherwise in a dialogue-only adaptation of the text. historical tidbits, notes on personal feelings, context for relationships, thats all important information. i also think it would better convey the fact that bran is like for real gifted if hes the only one that can talk to what is essentially the audience’s guide/surrogate & the one telling the story. there’s the question of horses, but i think we could work around them or just bring horses onstage. fuck it. whatever. direwolves... there are plenty of big dogs in the world. i don’t know how you would do wolf dreams but i know EXACTLY how you would do all of the stuff with mellisandre and i think renlys death would be fucking awesome onstage. obviously you couldnt do all the books in one sitting but i think each book could be reasonably adapted into like a really long play or could be split up into smaller parts a la the histories. doing dragons would be easy with a couple good puppeteers and a lot can be accomplished with a proficient lighting and special effects team both in terms of dragons and battles and deaths. sorry im imagining this so hard right now and it would be so cool. anyways just something to consider

[qqueenofhades]

helllllloo. i wanted to first say that you are a wonderful human being, your presence on my dashboard brightens my day, you’re so kind to all your followers and i love seeing you interact with us! and i am sending you all the positive adult vibes your way ✨✨✨

second, there’s been a lot of chit chat lately about all the heartrender husband fans combusting over Simon Sears’ interview and the many many feelings that a certain grumpy bear gives us for his one (1) soft spot and ray of sunshine despite all his fragility and fear. i was wondering, if you had any thoughts on how it looks on the flip side for fedyor? i cant imagine being married to the General’s right hand man is easy (it’s both the safest and most dangerous place for Ivan to be).

Okay first of all, the first part of your ask is so sweet that I read it like three different times and was like wow are u sure. Second, boy oh boy can I use those positive adult vibes (even if they sound slightly like a porno 😂) because it has been the few weeks from hell. Job rejections, family health drama, moving hassle, and other such nonsense, to the point where if either myself or a member of my family has inadvertently insulted a leprechaun, I hereby apologise deeply and unreservedly on our behalf. Sheesh.

Anyway, never mind all that. We are indeed losing our minds slightly over said interview, for obvious reasons, but yes, Fedyor. Obviously he is Ivan's little ray of sunshine and one (1) weakness and the person he allowed himself to fall in love with despite losing the rest of his family, all of which are ship dynamics that drive me/us promptly feral. I definitely feel, however, that Fedyor has plenty of ferocity of his own, which is one of the reasons Ivan is drawn to him. Book!Fedyor tells Alina in the carriage scene that he became a Heartrender instead of a Healer (despite being of a Healing temperament) because he thought that he could do more good for people as a soldier, including when he has to kill. He also says that being a Corporalki is the hardest of all Grisha paths and requires the most training and study. I imagine that Fedyor was pretty good especially at the book learning part of his training, is interested in and dedicated to Grisha lore and history, and about finding way to use that beyond the obvious and making the Grisha appreciate who they are as a people and what their purpose in Ravka really is. And I'm not just saying that because I am also a historian and like to project onto my favorite characters. Shh.

Fedyor is obviously the total opposite of Ivan, personality-wise, but I think that is also why they complement each other. Fedyor helps Ivan lighten tf up and eat a pink cookie at a party, and Ivan helps Fedyor cut directly through the bullshit when he needs to. Living in the Little Palace and around the royal court, as members of General Kirigan's inner circle, obviously requires a touch for politics and diplomacy that Fedyor is far better at than Ivan, but that means his instinct is likewise to smile and humor people even when he wants to tell them to fuck off. Cue Ivan coming along and telling them to fuck off, which means they can blame Ivan for it and not Fedyor, and Ivan is perfectly 100% fine with everyone thinking he is the biggest grump to ever grump, since the only people whose opinions he cares about are Kirigan and Fedyor. Oh Ivan.

Fedyor is also outgoing and likes to have fun and is probably on good terms with most of his compatriots. He's clearly friends with Nadia since we see them arm in arm at the winter fete in mlm/wlw solidarity. He is also Ivan's Anger Translator, and if people have something they want to tell Ivan, they have a bad habit of telling Fedyor instead and trusting him to pass it on, rather than talking to Ivan themselves. (Fedyor: honey do you think this is even a slight problem? Ivan: no what are you talking about, it's great.)

I do think that Fedyor is just as frightened of losing Ivan as Ivan is of losing him, though for different reasons. It helps for him that they're usually in the field together (judging by his comment to Kirigan in 1x06 assuming that he and Ivan are going after Nina together) and facing the same things and same danger, even if it causes Ivan anxiety for this exact reason. I do appreciate that none of us have bothered to include any homophobia in Grisha culture, or exclude the possibility that Ivan and Fedyor could indeed be married in a church ceremony in the Ravkan liturgy. There's probably some side eye toward their relationship in wider Ravkan society, sure, but that is also tied up with being Grisha and the prejudices that they already face for being different. Behind the walls of the Little Palace, though, that is not really a factor and not something that they have to deal with. People are surprised that Fedyor and Ivan are together not because they're both men, but because "you're so nice and he is so... Ivan..."

Fedyor: I know, I know. But I love him anyway.

I also think that Fedyor is deeply protective of Ivan, not least because he is the only one who knows the truth about him being fragile and losing loved ones and everything else that he has been through, which is why one of my favorite headcanons is Fedyor going absolutely apeshit if Ivan is ever seriously hurt. Likewise, you can call Ivan grumpy in a joking fashion, and Fedyor will chuckle and agree with you, but anything else and his eyes turn red and the Heartrending hands come out like what u say about my husband bitch. Only Fedyor is allowed to roast Ivan in depth at all, according to Fedyor, and he will Let You Know if you transgress.

(Also why I want Ivan and Fedyor to meet the Crows again, Ivan sees Jesper and goes NEMESIS, and Fedyor just goes MURDER!!!)

Anyway. I'm love them. The end.

[runawaymarbles]

Good omens fic rec

A Letter from “Crawly” to Azirapil by mostlydeadlanguages | 500 Words | G

This remarkable letter of unknown provenance surfaced recently in the cuneiform collection of the University of West Wessex. Addressed to Azirapil from a Mr. “Crawly,” it appears to be begging for the other’s return to Ur from a western journey with another individual, Abiraham. The relationship between the two (brothers? business partners? friends?) is unknown.

404 Email Not Found by Dacelin | 700 words | G

The first the Metatron knew about Armageddon was when Aziraphale contacted him to beg for it to be called off. Being a professional, the Metatron murmured soothing things about it all being part of the plan and rerouted the call elsewhere instead of admitting he had no idea what the principality was talking about.

my black eye casts no shadow by gyzym | 1.5k | Not Rated, probably M 

If you cut humanity to the quick, split it open, found its soul, it would have dark red hair and bright wild eyes.

So You Need To Get Into A.Z. Fell & Co.; Now What? (A Guide For Unfortunate Bookworms) by arkhamcycle | 1.8k | G

London’s antique enthusiasts and rare lit nerds alike know that if you’re looking for a specific vintage or antique book, you have a good chance of ending up in A.Z. Fell & Co. as a last resort. And if you’ve ever been in (or are currently in) this predicament, you know how much of an absolute nightmare it is trying to even get in the door. Luckily, this handy guide, the fruit of a months-long collaborative effort to create the perfect formula for gaming the A.Z. Fell system, will tell you everything you need to know, complete with a comprehensive breakdown of what, exactly, the opening hours are. Compiled by pageknight and inky of the Rare Antique Forums.

Quiet Light by drawlight | 2k | T |

There are rules. The trouble with hearts is that they play by none of them.

between the shadow and the soul by absopositivelutely | 2k | NR

(alternatively: it takes 6000 years for crowley to realize that aziraphale could love him too.)

i just happen to like apples (i am not afraid of snakes) by gyzym | 2k | Not Rated

Written for the following prompt: "Someone write me Crowley the bitter lesbian who only gave Eve the apple because she thought feminism should be there from day one." As such, please be warned that this story contains some fairly radical reinterpretations of Biblical stories and themes; if that sort of thing is not for you, please give this tale a pass.

Secret Agent Man by Emamel | 2.3k | G | 

Edward was very good at two things: noticing things, and not being noticed in return. It was the sort of qualities that made you a good spy. These two never got the memo.

Ten Fathoms Deep On the Road to Hell by BuggreAlleThis | 2.5k | G

Aziraphale is given an assignment as a Captain in the Royal Navy and finds life at sea miserable. Crowley, on the other hand, is having plenty of fun as the Captain of a motley pirate crew.

Untitled Goose Fic by rattatatosk | 3k | T

It's a lovely week in the South Downs, and Crowley is at war with a Horrible Goose.

Anthony J. Crowley, Retired Demon and Airbnb Superhost by TheOldAquarian | 3k | G 

What are you supposed to do when you've been fired from your sweet job in Hell for thwarting the schemes of Satan, you've got a swanky flat in Mayfair, and you're looking for an excuse to spend all your time in someone else's bookshop? Obviously, you turn to the dubious world of short-term vacation rentals. The resulting Airbnb property has been variously described as "an instagram trap," "a vampire den but make it botanical," and "the weirdest bed and breakfast in the shared history of beds and breakfasting."

Salinity (And Other Measurements of Brackish Water) by drawlight | 3k | T | 

It's an odd thing, getting on after the End of the World. Crowley takes to sea-watching.

Stopgap by RC_McLachlan | 3k | T | 

"Can you imagine ruining something so frustratingly perfect just to get a leg up with Management?" Crowley then remembers who he's talking to and why he's here in the first place. "Sorry, bad example, of course you can." A missing scene from Episode 6.

Wednesdays Are for This by magpiespirit | 3k | T

"D'you think we should have sex," he asks idly, pressing post on his addition to the exclusive How to Summon and Bind Demons forum. This one, he's sure, will both give Hell several annoying headaches and make a dent in the problem of demonology rising in the incel community. Bless, he loves having free time. "I think," Aziraphale replies frankly, giving Crowley a really, now look over the rims of his stupid glasses and the top of a first edition of something that probably uses a hundred words to say what could be said in five, "that should is a word best left to Heaven and Hell." And Crowley, who was only looking to fluster the angel a little, belatedly remembers that he's gotten commendations for Aziraphale's temptations.

build me a city, call it jerusalem by gyzym | 3.5k | T | 

Man begets man begets The Tales of Men, and there's nothing godly in that; Those Above and Them Below haven't any need for the stories humans have been hungry for since the snake and the Angel with the flaming sword.

The Plantom Menace by theinkwell33 | 3.6k | G 

There is an urban legend well known in this area regarding The Plant Man. Footage exists, blurry and ill-lit, of the trespassing fiend, but it never provides a good look at his face. He exists only as a rumor; a giggled whisper in someone’s ear at the pub, an inside joke at uni, and a viral sensation. None of these things mean he is not real. That being said, the only person who can corroborate the truth about the Plant Man is the man himself. And unfortunately, Anthony J. Crowley has no idea that it’s him.

get religion quick (cause you're looking divine) by brinnanza | 4k | G |

So it was fine. Even if Crowley couldn’t love him, he clearly liked him well enough, and that was almost the same thing. It no doubt would have continued to be fine, or at least fine-adjacent, were it not for a narrowly averted apocalypse and several bottles of a really quite nice Riesling Aziraphale had found in the back room of his newly restored bookshop.

to carthage then i came by Lvslie | 4k | T | 

‘You’re difficult to follow sometimes.’ ‘Difficult?’ Crowley echoes, feeling hollow. ‘Am I too fast? Am I going—’ And just like that, there’s something new in the silence between them, a tightening. The glass almost slips from his grasp, sliding from between languid fingers. His vision clouds. —too fast for you?’

Snakes and Stones (Never Broke My Bones) by DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee | 4.5k | G

No one wants to say it, but the residents of Dorm A, floor 3, are collectively convinced Aziraphale Fell’s boyfriend does not exist. This is their story.

as the poets say by nikkiRA | 4.6k | T

Crowley takes a long drink of his wine and then says, before he can chicken out, “Aziraphale, I have always been sure about you.”

Re-Recalled by Jennistar | 5k | T |

Halfway through an argument, Aziraphale gets accidentally discorporated and doesn't come back. Crowley does the sensible thing and panics.

the bookshop nemesis witch by FlipSpring | 5k | G

The life and times of Nicole Percival Castings, Witch. Featuring: her ongoing love/rivalry with a particular magical bookstore, an Eccentric(TM) shopkeeper who keeps a huge snake in aforementioned bookstore, finding oneself and one's magical power, the cyclicality of life.

your smile speaks books to me by laiqualaurelote | 5k | T 

Aziraphale's bookshop becomes accidentally famous on Instagram, to his great distress. Since Crowley invented Instagram, it's also his problem.

it's a new craze by attheborder | 5.5k | G | 

CROWLEY: I try not to make a habit of gratitude, but I must give our appreciation to everyone out there who’s been listening and subscribing to The Ineffable Plan. AZIRAPHALE: Ooh, yes, we’ve become quite popular, haven’t we?CROWLEY: Yeah, just hit number eight on the advice charts … No advertising at all.  AZIRAPHALE: Mm. How … miraculous. CROWLEY: … Aziraphale. You did not.

your apple-eating heathen by katarzi | G | 5.7k

History is written without them, and Crowley’s no lady.

the blues have run the game by indigostohelit | 6k | NC-17 (more of an M)

Halfway between the Beginning and the Apocalypse, Crowley visits the court of King Saul, and runs into a prince, a war camp, and a songbook. 

the earth has never felt this old by brawlite | 6k | T

Crowley has a long history with holy places.

TwoFish by Grindylowe | 6k | T | 

A love story about angels and demons. Also, fish

A Nice and Accurate Lesbian Herstory Archive by badwig | T | 6.6k

More or less just the opening montage from 'Hard Times' but they're lesbians - a series of vignettes from the Garden to now.

parable of shepherds by Lvslie | 6k | T |

‘Aziraphale, you need to stop telling that goddamned story to everyone we stumble upon,’ she hisses. ‘I’m serious. You keep it up much longer, everyone’s gonna think we’ve gone and murdered that alleged husband of mine. ‘Crowley,’ Aziraphale says blithely, a serene smile plastered to her face as a familiar-looking man passes by, ‘Dear. That’s what I want them to think.’

Nothing Like The Sun by mirawonderfulstar | 6k | T |

One tended to go through a number bodies in six thousand years, even if one was as cautious or sturdy as Aziraphale. Crowley, who was neither cautious nor sturdy, had gone through a large number. He’d changed appearance so many times that in Aziraphale’s memory he was often just his eyes, for no matter if Crowley was tall or short, lithe or stocky, blond or raven-haired, his eyes stayed the same. 

Blessed/Cursed Retirement by DictionaryWrites | 7k | T

Liam Buttersby, a very normal, nine-year-old boy, makes a friend in the retiree who has recently moved to his village in the South Downs. The retiree in question claims to hate it, and is a liar.

the technology is neutral by Deputychairman | 7k | NC-17 | 

“Stand up?” he echoed, incredulous but too undone by sensation to express the full force of his disbelief. “I can barely even remember my own name after that, and you want me to stand up?” “Your name is Anthony J Crowley, apparently, although you never did tell me what the J stood for so I can’t help you there,” he said, not hiding his smile. “Do stand up, I promise you’ll like it.”

Part of the Plan by HardlyFair | 7k | T |

In which things do not return to the exact way they were Before.

Where Thou Art by Mottlemoth | 7.5k | M | 

A late-night bus to London, a few human comforts, and a long overdue confession... nothing will ever be the same for an angel and his demon.

The Ark by rfsmiley | 7k | T 

We’ve all been assuming that it takes them 6,000 years to figure it out, but what if it takes 6,300?

Or: the ineffable husbands evacuate a dying Earth.

Ad Astra by drawlight | 8K | NC-17

Some things can only be said in the dark.

except you enthrall me, never shall be free by curtaincall | 8k | T

It's a classic story: Angel meets knight. Angel volunteers to get beheaded by knight. Knight turns out to be angel's demon frenemy. Somehow, there is kissing. Based on the Middle English ballad Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.

Falling Rain by Aria | 8k | T |

Once upon a time, an angel and a demon hitched a ride on the Ark.

such surpassing brightness by Handful_of_Silence | 8k | G | 

The revelation that Aziraphale might have been in love with him for thousands of years is surprising. The fact that literal books have been written on the subject comes as even more of a shock.

Without Creativity by htebazytook | 8k | NC-17 |

Another Crowley and Aziraphale through the ages fic, with some heavy symbolism thrown in for good measure.

Exit Wounds by racketghost | 8k | T

“At least they were together for a time,” Crowley says, staring at the lit end of his cigarette, “maybe that’s enough.”

On The Matter Of Touch by Somedrunkpirate | 9k | T

“On the matter of touch,” Crowley begins, waving his teaspoon in what he hopes passes for idle curiosity. “Thoughts?”

and, so on by PaintedVanilla | 9k | M | 

Crowley doesn’t remember heaven, but Aziraphale remembers him.

Going Home by Daegaer | 9k | G | 

Aziraphale is recalled to Heaven, Crowley isn't impressed.

The future's going to break through by nieded | 10k | T

My take on South Downs: Aziraphale and Crowley decide to become professors. This is inspired by the headcanon that Crowley has 20 different degrees. He is the Serpent of the Tree of Knowledge after all.

Wings and How to Hide Them by triedunture | M | 10k 

Crowley's been annoyingly in love for six thousand years. What's another lifetime between friends? Or: Aziraphale definitely fucks and isn't that just perfect?

The Gospel of Crowley by gutterandthestars | 10k | T

Crowley tempts Jesus in the wilderness! Turns out Jesus gives as good as he gets. Also Crowley pines over Aziraphale and has Big Gay Angsty Feelings because, well. Because Crowley.

A Nanny? In MY Summoning Circle? by pukner | 10k | Not Rated

(it's more likely than you think) Warlock "Lockie" Dowling summons a demon. Or, he buys a book off a suspiciously familiar bookseller and is convinced into demon summoning. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

damn.nation, now available on itunes by antistar_e (kaikamahine) | 10k | T

When lowly tempt-pusher Amphora (formerly of Stairwell 7B North, before she Fell,) gets the notice that end times are nigh, she gleefully quits her job and cancels her Netflix subscription and takes her place among the legions of hell. This, it turns out, was a bad plan.

Lie Back And Think Of Dinner by jessthereckless | 11k | M |

"Crowley, this is a disaster. This is everything I ever wanted. We’re in love. And there’s a picnic. And we don’t seem to be able to get…amorous without causing earthquakes.” Aziraphale attempts subterfuge. Crowley sees right through him.

Something to do with these sacred words by Solshine | 11k | T

Crowley confesses early, and Crowley confesses often. Aziraphale never knows quite what to say.

A Resurrection of Whales, and Other Omens of Varying Goodness by Margo_Kim | 11k | WIP | T

After the end of the world doesn't end anything, Heaven and Hell send replacements to Earth while the old representatives try to figure out their new normal.

Serpentine by sergeant_smudge | 11k | G |

Five ways in which Crowley is a snake. *And one more thing.

what's to come by PepperPrints, restlesslikeme | 11k | T 

Post-Apocalyptic AU. Even without the Antichrist, both Heaven and Hell insist on Armageddon. Aziraphale is missing and Crowley sets out to find him, driving through a scorched Earth with a witch in his passenger seat.

Basking by bomberqueen17 | 15k | NC-17

Crowley is extremely confused about how or whether celestial beings can experience physical sexual desire. He's also not fantastic at using his words. Things go all... snake-shaped.

Nanny Knows Best by DictionaryWrites | 17k | M

Being a nanny, that should be simple. Simple. Easy as pie. Crowley wished that were true.

One Night In Bangor (And the World's Your Oyster) by Atalan | 17k | NC-17

"All right, I know I'm going to regret asking this," Aziraphale says. "What exactly does this wager entail?” Crowley grins like the cat that not only got the cream but has absconded with the entire cow. He grabs the bottle and swigs straight from it despite Aziraphale's tut of disapproval. "The pot goes to whichever demon can get an angel into bed by the end of the evening."

Soft (A Love Story in Three Bites) by mia_ugly | 18.3k | NC-17

Crowley was an angel, once. Before she fell. Aziraphale was a warrior (she fell too. It just took a little longer.)

The Persephone Clause by Zetared | 20k | T |

When Crowley is forcibly recalled to home office, Aziraphale conspires with a denounced saint and strikes a deal with the agents of Hell to get him back.

in search of the wind by drawlight | 27k | NC-17

After the World Doesn't End, Aziraphale is not returned to his body. Crowley tries to find a way to get to Heaven's fast-shut gates. Aziraphale tries to find his way back from the sky (and back in time).

And So We Come Full Circle by Hekateras | 30k | T | 

"Angel. You know it's gonna be really bad, this time around," Crowley says slowly. "When the times comes, I want you to-"

Mirror, Mirror by ImprobableDreams900 | 44k | T

Adam, Eve, and Crawly flee Eden through the Western Gate, and it turns out that that simple decision makes all the difference in the world...

Slow Show by mia_ugly | 90k | NC-17

In which temptations are accomplished, grand romantic gestures are made, and two ineffable co-stars only take four seasons of an award-winning television program to realize they’re on their own side (at last, at last.)

Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach by Nnm | 100k | T

What Aubrey Thyme, a professional, thought, upon first seeing her new client was: you’re going to be a fun one, aren’t you?

Eden!verse by ImprobableDreams900 | 550k | T-M

When Crowley gets captured by angels and dragged up to Heaven, Aziraphale knows he has to rescue him—no matter the consequences.

[keyenuta]

Twisted Wonderland OC 2

Introducing the wicked wizard of the west

Name: Theodore Elphaba

Age: 16

Voice: Yuki Kaji

Gender: Male

Birthday: March 15th

Starsign: Pisces

Height: 5'5" or 165cm

Eye color: honey brown

Hair Color: Raven black

Homeland: Ozlandia

Dorm: Ramshackle

School Year: First

Occupation: Student

Club: board game club

Best subject: Flying

Dominant hand: left

Favorite food: vegetables

Least favorite food: anything meat related

Dislikes: swimming

Hobby: Raising animals and potion making

Talent: singing

Appearance: Theodore is a baby faced boy with striking green skin and short wavy black hair that's longer on his right. They're so unruly they curl and extend like a bunch of octopus tentacles hanging over his heart shaped face. He also has a pair of honey brown eyes which always seem to either look elsewhere or filled with warmth.

And resting atop his mop of messy locks is a large slanted black witch hat with a purple bow around its brim while it point spirals before reaching it's end. Seemingly this had is so large it often obscures his right eye to most people.

Despite not needing to he often wears the Dorm's standard clothes as often as he can. Though honestly the Dorm's formal clothing is his the grey-blue cloak. Though under this he is seen wearing a black waistcoat with grey floral designs across the fabric, as under this is a white dress shirt. Which leads into his at brown pants and ruby slippers which curl into points.

To a surprising degree, no matter what you never see Theodore without his broom, he seems to care for the tool a great deal, as ot often serves as his magic tool and flying broom.

Personality: to be blunt, Theodore as a person is one of the few seemingly out of place people at Night Raven College. To put it simply, as described by the dorm, he's an utter ball of sunshine. Theodore as a person is very compassionate, optimistic, flighty and easy going. He's quick to forgive and often times will try and brighten someone's day. He's not naive to be sure, he's just very open to well, everyone. Especially animals, if you want to see him go full teddy bear mode give him an animal and they'll fall in love with him. Like Kalim they're just a good person and is very bright. Though unlike Kalim he can be very shy, he's not too used to people but will try his best, which can be too much. Though for animals it's a much different scenario, as was seen when he basically coddled grim and acted like he was the best thing in the world.

Unique Magic: "Come forth my pretties!" Theodore's unique magic allows him to create creatures and animals from inanimate objects all around him. Though it has to be through touch at some level. These creatures are fiercely loyal and protective of Theodore and will attack and guard against anyone who wants to harm him. The larger the creature the more mana it drains, but if he were to make an army of smallish creatures, he could very easily spam his magic.

Backstory: Theodore grew up rather despised, no one seemed to really look at him for who he was. All they saw was the wicked monster in their history books. The wicked witch of the West, no matter where he went it seemed people were either disgusted or wary of him. As if he'd curse them, or burn their shop for just the slightest grievance. This often left him alone and unable to connect with people, but who did come to him were animals and other creatures. He was always able to have fun with and connect with animals without a problem. They didn't judge him or anything. And he was happy about that, it gave him plenty of rest from the onlookers. Though since he obviously still needed to be around people, he decided he'd be the opposite of the wicked witch. He'd be Theodore the good wizard as best he could.

Trivia: Theodore is the male version of the wicked witch's name, Theodora

Theodore has aquaphobia, any amount of large bodies of water freaks him out way too much

If he's able he'll ride anywhere on his magic broom, through the dorm, across campus, you name it he'll try it

He's actually really interested in merfolk, mostly cause of their animal aspect admittedly but still he thinks they're really cool

Theodore has a lot of little creatures running around the dorm and campus, and they have at times rolled up on grim, ready to fight for Theodore's affection. Though he loves them all

He often makes Crowley crows as a makeshift apology for Zoroaster. He has, way too many by this point.

If you tell him a really good joke he'll laugh exactly like the old witch of the west. So much so it's darn near scary.

Both his names are in reference to two names of the wicked witch in media. Theodore/Theodora and Elphaba from Wicked

[theyearoftheking]

Book Forty-Nine: Black House

“Here is a true American loner, an internal vagrant, a creature of shabby rooms and cheap diners, of aimless journeys resentfully taken, a collector of wounds and injuries lovingly fingered and refingered. Here is a spy with no cause higher than himself.” 

After almost fifty books, The Talisman still stands at the top of the leader board as my favorite Steve book. It’s richly layered, full of memorable characters and horrible villains, with a satisfying conclusion. It’s the type of book fantasy and horror lovers alike are eager to escape into. 

It’s sometimes hard to embrace the sequel to a book you love so much... I mean, I can be bought, but my criteria are stringent:

Consider setting the book in Wisconsin... perhaps the beautiful, sad, remote, desolate western part of the state right along the Mississippi river.

Maybe a Dahmer reference? 

Scratch that. Instead, go with an old-school serial killer no one really talks about anymore. How about... Albert Fish? He’s pretty gross. 

On second thought, reconsider a Dahmer reference. Maybe an evil spirit that links Dahmer and Fish together? 

TONS of Dark Tower references. 

If Steve and Pete were to consider writing a follow up to The Talisman with all these elements, I might consider reading it. 

Spoiler! 

Dark House contains all this goodness, and more. 

It’s so fucking dark, y’all. I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to drive past a long-term care facility and NOT think about an old man inside wanting to eat the buttocks of small children.

Oh hey, trigger warnings for cannibalism, and violence against children. 

So, Dark House is set in fictional Coulee County, Wisconsin (not a place). But Steve and Pete (I need to start giving Peter Straub some shout outs as well) describe the western part of the state magnificently. Not too long ago I had a sales job that required me to travel the entire state, and I always loved my jaunts west. I’d park right along the Mississippi, eat my lunch and just soak up the isolation. I’d much rather make the drive to Pierce county than the Quad Cities, which my current employer is asking of me. *Silent scream for help*

Despite Coulee being fictional, the actual Wisconsin references are thick:

De Pere (where we recently found out Steve spent a few formative years)

The Brewers 

Miller Park 

Kingsland Ale- while fictional, it’s a nod to Wisconsin’s rich brewing history, and favorable climate for microbreweries

Dahmer (several times, actually)

Racine. Y’all. I have no idea what Steve’s obsession is with Racine... it comes up in multiple books. It’s really not that great. Take that from someone who spent a brief period of time working there. Honestly, my favorite thing about Racine is the authentic Thai restaurant right in downtown, Sticky Rice. If you find yourself in Racine, please go check them out... their red devil curry is amaze-balls. 

So, yes... lots of Wisconsin. Also, lots of Dark Tower:

Eye of the King

Crimson King

The Tower

Red roses

Breakers

Little Sisters 

Gunslingers and their weapons

Roland and the ka-tet

Monos! Blaine and Patricia

Chief Breaker Brautigan- who allegedly tells hilarious stories about his escapes. I miss him already. 

I have questions about how Steve convinced Pete to include so many Dark Tower elements into this book...

Steve:  “Pete, bud... I know you might have a different vision for how this book plays out. Buuut what about if we make it part of the Dark Tower universe?”

Pete: Stares for a long minute. “Um, I thought that series was dead in the water. Do we really need to use Dark House to resuscitate it?” 

Steve: “Remember the car accident? You know, the one that almost took my leg?” 

Pete *Oh fuck, he’s bringing up the car accident as a bid for sympathy, and to convince me to make this a Dark Tower book...* “Of course I remember!”

Steve: “Well, it shook some things loose. I’m about ready to finish the series. I just thought it might be fun if we make this book a lead-up to the finale” 

Pete: “It’s intriguing, but I’m not really sure it’s the direction I want to go in. I was thinking more-”

Steve: “I ALMOST DIED IN THAT ACCIDENT!” 

Pete: “Cool, Dark Tower book it is!” 

I should write fan fiction. I’ve obviously got a gift. 

Black House is told from a birds-eye narration view. Literally... there’s this fat, evil crow named Gorg flying all over town, giving us the lay of Coulee County. Bad stuff has been going on: little children have gone missing, and only a few of their bodies have turned back up mutilated and broken. 

The chief of police, Dale Gilbertson, knows he’s in over his head, and keeps trying to convince his pal, retired police detective, Jack “Hollywood” Sawyer to come consult on the case.

Jack isn’t having it. He retired young and moved to Coulee County from Los Angeles after tracking down and arresting serial killer Thorny Kinderling. The majestic beauty of western Wisconsin caught him by surprise, and he happily invested in reasonably priced (read: cheap) real estate with a view. 

Upon moving to Wisconsin, Jack befriended Dale’s blind uncle Henry Leydon; who voices several radio programs, including The Wisconsin Rat, which plays indy screamo bands and has plenty of shock-jock antics. The two hang out together, listen to jazz music, and sometimes Jack reads to Henry. Henry was able to use his elevated senses to study Jack’s speech pattern and figure out Jack’s mom was THE Lily Cavanaugh; the Queen of the B’s. 

While Jack and Henry are reading Bleak House, Charles “Burny” Burnside is wandering around the Maxton Elder Care Facility, pretending to have dementia, and dragging children into The Territories for Lord Malshun to either use as Breakers, or for Burny to snack on if they have no Breaking skills. So, Burny’s a bad dude who did some suspicious things in Chicago; but an evil spirit (the same one who invaded Albert Fish and Jeffrey Dahmer’s bodies) is what’s causing his kidnapping and cannibalistic urges. I know I say this every ten books or so, but Burny might be the worst King villain ever. I was not upset later on when his intestines were violently ripped from his body.

A sweet little boy (with strong Breaker powers) named Tyler Marshall goes missing outside the Maxton Elder Care Facility. While he was being pulled into the bushes by Gorg who kept repeating his name; his mother, Judy receives a taunting package and letter from The Fisherman, which sends her over the brink, and she’s institutionalized. 

Tyler’s disappearance really amps up the town outrage, and Jack agrees to help the police department out. He’s starting to suspect there’s some Territories nonsense going down, and he can help. 

From here, the book goes at break-neck pace and includes everything from micro-brewing bikers, a dog bite that causes one to dissolve into a foamy puddle on the couch, our old friend Speedy Parker showing up as a gunslinger, the world’s most annoying newspaper reporter, plenty of flipping between worlds via the creepy old black house hidden in the woods, and a happy(ish) ending. Honestly, there’s a warning at the end of the book, which allows you to choose your own ending. You can stop reading five pages before the end, and enjoy a happy ending where the good guys win; or you can get the real world ending. Both are satisfying... I recommend reading all the way to the end. 

So, just a few quotes for you... 

“Wolf died of a disease called America.” 

This line gutted me. I didn’t realize how much I loved Wolf as a character, until I had to read a follow-up that didn’t include him. His soul was too clean and beautiful for a fucked-up world like the one we currently live in. 

“He doesn’t like the cell phone to begin with- twenty-first-century slave bracelets, he thinks them...”

No explanation needed. 

“Why must life always demand so much and give so little? Parkus answers her question with a single word: ka.” 

Again, no explanation needed. 

Was this book as good as The Talisman? 

No. 

Did I want more? 

Absolutely.

But was I satisfied with the end?

You bet your (un-chomped on) ass.

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 33

Total Dark Tower References: 50

Book Grade: A-

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Talisman: A+

Wizard and Glass: A+

Needful Things: A+

On Writing: A+

The Green Mile: A+

Hearts in Atlantis: A+

Rose Madder: A+

Misery: A+

Different Seasons: A+

It: A+

Four Past Midnight: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

Bag of Bones: A-

Black House: A-

The Wastelands: A-

The Drawing of the Three: A-

Dolores Claiborne: A-

Nightmares in the Sky: B+

The Dark Half: B+

Skeleton Crew: B+

The Dead Zone: B+

Nightmares & Dreamscapes: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon: B

Storm of the Century: B-

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Running Man: C+

Thinner: C+

Dark Visions: C+

The Eyes of the Dragon: C+

The Long Walk: C+

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Rage: C

Desperation: C-

Insomnia: C-

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Gerald’s Game: D

Roadwork: D

Christine: D

Dreamcatcher: D

The Regulators: D

The Tommyknockers: D-

Now I move onto From a Buick Eight. I’ve had an advanced reading copy since the book came out, but never had the urge to actually read it. That should tell you everything you need to know about my level of enthusiasm right now. I’m hoping it’s not a Christine 2.0. 

Until next time, Long Days & Pleasant Nights, Rebecca 

[dragon-kazansky]

The old book store - Aziraphale x Reader

Summary: You pay a visit to the old book store you usually walk past. The man that owns it is very sweet.

Every single day on your way to work you pass an old book store. From outside it's quite hard to see what it's like inside, but the building itself is old and fascinating. You normally glance at it before headed straight on down the road to get to work.

Today, however, was your day off and you decided that once and for all you would go inside. You loved books. You had hundreds at home and you had read ever single one of them.

What better place to spend your day off.

You crossed the road and gazed up at the front of the building. The people around you paid you no mind as you stood there.

Your gaze fell on the little sign in the window which read 'open' and you smiled. You pushed the door open gently and let your eyes explore the world beyond them. A gasp fell from your lips as you saw what awaited you.

Shelves and shelves of books, tables scattered with books, piles of them at your feet. You wondered just how many there were.

Inside there was only two other people you could see, both gazing in books they had chosen.

You wanted to look at every single one of them, but decided to leave some excuses as to come back. You walked over to the nearest table and began to admire book available to you. Some of them looked quite old, so you were delicate when moving them.

You could tell by some of the titles just how long they had been around. You wondered how the owner of the store managed to get them. One particular book caught your interest among the old ones. You were gentle with it as you picked it up and looked it over, your finger delicately stroking the spine.

The sound of footsteps came from around the back and you glanced up as another person came into the room. Most likely the owner judging by where he had come from. He was dressed in a white suit and had white hair to match. He had noticed you.

You gave him a smile when he caught your gaze and then turned back to the book in your hands, just missing the smile he returned.

You opened it up carefully and admired it's aged pages. It brought a smile to your face to be looking at something so wonderful as this. It wasn't a book you had heard of before and you wondered what it contained within its pages. Perhaps you could take this book and explore it to its depths.

"I see you found one of my old editions."

You tore your eyes from the book and met the pale ones of the man in white. His smile was sweet and it felt warm. You couldn't help smiling back.

"Yes. It's very old. Where did you get it?" You closed the cover delicately and turned your attention fully o to the man.

"I picked up up on one of my travels." He shrugged gently. "I have many old books here."

"I can see that. This place is amazing." You looked around the room, now to find that you and him were alone in the store. You hadn't even heard the others leave.

"Thank you, I'm quite proud of it."

"I love books. I'd love to live in a place like this. I mean... I have hundreds of books at home, but this place is amazing." You walked over to one of the tall shelves, the mysterious book shop owner following.

"Yes, I do enjoy spending my time here." He smiled up at the shelf. Most of the books on here were quite new compared to the one you were holding. "I'm Aziraphale." He held out his hand to you.

You took it and smiled. "Y/N."

"Will you be taking that one?" He gestured to the book in your hand.

"Yes please."

He led you over to the back of the room and took the book from you for a moment. He wrapped it up so it was safe and checked it out. He handed it back to you right after.

"Please do come again."

You took the book. "I intend to." You gave him one more bright smile before leaving.

Several days later and you find yourself back at the shop. You had read the old book front to back already. It was safe at home. You hoped to find another little treasure again today.

The doors swung open as you entered and you found yourself alone until Aziraphale, who had heard the doors open, came out from around the back. You took note that he was wearing the same white suit as last time.

He smiled when he saw you.

"Hello again, Y/N."

"Hello Aziraphale." You walked straight over to where he was standing. "I finished that book."

"Already? That was quick."

"Couldn't put it down. I'm hoping to find another little old book again today."

Aziraphale moved over to the opposite shelf from what you had been looking at the day. He brushed his fingers along the spines of some of the books and turned to you with a smile.

"Perhaps you find what you're looking for here." He stood idle as you came over and looked over the display.

He couldn't help but notice the way you but your lower lip gently as you browsed.

To be quite honest, you had been on his mind since he met you. He wasn't sure why and didn't try to understand. Despite there not being many people in the store that day, you stood out amongst them. He thought, perhaps, it might have been the way you were handling the books. Then there was the way you talked about them. Each one had history behind it and you had no idea how he came to have them.

He found himself smiling as he watched you pick a book. You had chosen a small red-ish book. The pages just as old as the one you had chosen last time.

"So, do you live here?" You asked, tearing your gaze away from the shelf.

"Well, uh, yes. I do."

"You said you picked up books on your travels, do you travel a lot?"

"I do. If I'm needed."

"Fascinating."

"Have you been to many places?" It was his turns to learn about you.

"A few. I'm sure you've seen more wonderful things than I have."

"You have no idea." He muttered quietly.

"I'd love to hear about your travels."

He seemed taken back by that as he glanced around slightly nervous looking. The smile on his face was comfort though.

"Shall I put the kettle on?" He offered.

"Sure."

He led you round the back and pulled out a chair for you, getting to work on a drink for you.

You sat there with the book in your lap and looked around. It looked much like the rest of the store, covered in books. You smiled at the thought that he liked books as much as you did. Aziraphale seemed so sweet and kind in nature, and appreciated the simple things it seemed.

Aziraphale finished the tea and placed your cup on the table beside you, sitting opposite you.

"Where's your favourite place in the world?" You asked eagerly.

"I'm quite taken to Paris, actually, but London is a fine place to be too."

"I suppose it has its charm." You chuckled.

"Yes and there are people like you here." He said almost shyly. His gaze drifting away from you as his smile said plenty.

"People like me?"

"Interesting people who share the same interests as I do." He shrugged.

"I'm sure there are people like that in Paris." You hid your smile behind your cup.

"Oh, I don't know about that. There's only one of you, after all."

You looked at him with your blushing cheeks and he couldn't help finding you rather cute in this moment.

"Full of charm aren't you." You lowered your cup and set it down gently.

Aziraphale looked liked he wanted to say something, but his gaze was torn from you as someone came into the shop.

You turned around to look over your shoulder.

The man who had come in leaned against the wall as he looked at Aziraphale from behind his shades, not that you could really tell.

"Am I interrupting something?" The stranger asked.

Aziraphale looked like he was about to say something, but judging by the aura in the room, you could tell they knew each other. You cut off your new friend and smiled at the stranger.

"Not at all, I was just leaving." You handed over some money for the book and tucked it away.

Aziraphale stood up quickly, wanting you to stay longer. He enjoyed speaking with you.

You smiled at the stranger as you passed him.

Both men watched you leave. Once you were out of sight, Crowley turned to his friend and lowered his shades just enough that his eyes were visible.

"Who was that?" He grinned

"No one." Aziraphale refused to look at Crowley as began to tidy up.

"No one? Are you sure?"

"Certain." The angel snapped lightly, quickly composing himself.

Crowley obviously wasn't convinced and found great amusement that his good friend was smitten with a human. In a way he was also quite proud of Aziraphale.

"This is what they call a crush." Crowley teases.

"Hush."

Crowley chuckles as his flustered friends tries to get him to say what he came here for.

Several days go by and Crowley has been there the entire time. He doesn't hide the fact that he's waiting for your return, much to Aziraphale enjoyment.

The angel had tried to get his friend to leave ever since he said he was staying. He hoped he could sit down and chat with you again, but Crowley insisted he stayed.

The next person to walk in was you. Aziraphale gave a bright smile once you turned around and smiled back at him.

"Hello Y/N. He came to your side.

Crowley was sitting side ways in a chair, his leg over the arm rest. He was grinning handsomely in his seat.

You had seen Crowley, but your attention was only on Aziraphale.

"I finished that book."

"Another one? You get through them quick." Aziraphale was impressed.

"I can't help it. They're hard to put down. What else do you have?"

Aziraphale hurried over to his bookshelves and scanned them for your next read. He was going to find something a little bigger and more detailed compared to the last two.

While he did that, Crowley turned to you.

"Sorry about the other day. I didn't realise he had a date. He didn't tell me."

"Oh, it wasn't a date..."

"But you would have liked it to be." He pushed for an answer, but not too obviously.

You gave a subtle shrug, "I don't know. I only met him a few days ago. He's interesting and I hoped we could talk again today."

Crowley grinned and stood up.

"I'll leave you to it then." Crowley turned to where Aziraphale was returning from. "I approve, by the way."

Crowley winked, but of course you didn’t see it. He left you both alone and you could hear him as he got in his car and zoomed off down the road.

You bit your lip as you looked at Aziraphale who was smiling sweetly at you again. He held out the book he had chosen for you. You took it from him gently.

“Did you want something to drink?”

“That would be lovely.”

He took you to the back of the store again and poured you both some tea like last time. You sat together and discussed more wonderful places around the world before Aziraphale suggested some more books for you. The pair of you would be there for hours getting to know each other.

It would also become a regular thing.

Crowley was speeding down the road with a smirk. Never had the words ‘a match made in heaven’ felt more appropriate. Aziraphale was extremely happy when you walked in. It made Crowley happy to know his friend was happy.

Going inside that book shop was the best decision you made.

[mst3kproject]

1013: Danger: Diabolik

 I haven’t seen this episode.  How could I possibly just sit down and watch what was, for years and years, the last ever episode of MST3K?  I’ve always felt there would be something symbolic about that, like it would somehow mean the show was ‘really’ over, and even though I know it’s irrational, that feeling is even stronger now that we’ve had two new seasons.  So here is the movie, but I won’t be discussing the episode at all.

Despite all the precautions attendant on a shipment of ten million dollars, master thief Diabolik and his girlfriend-slash-accomplice Eva still manage to get away with the loot.  While they head back to their extravagant underground lair to have sex in a big pile of money, the government tries to figure out what they’re going to do about this intolerable situation.  They grant emergency powers to the police.  They make deals with gangsters.  They even offer a one million dollar reward – nothing works!  When Diabolik blows up the tax offices, threatening the country with bankruptcy, it seems there’s only one thing left to do: protect the national treasury by pouring all its gold reserves into one giant, twenty-ton ingot. Surely, even Diabolik can’t steal that… can he?

Danger: Diabolik reminds me of several things.  The most obvious is the Adam West Batman show.  Part of this is just the colourful sixties milieu and the overblown, comic book feel of everything that happens – but Diabolik himself, with his fancy gadgets, his high-tech cave, and his apparently untold wealth, seems very much like a Batman of Crime. He’s even got things helpfully labeled like the ‘anti-exhilirating-gas pills’.  The only thing those are missing is the word bat.  But it also makes me think of First Spaceship on Venus, in that it’s a movie in which a lot happens, but it still feels weirdly unfocused because it has no interest in its people.

This begins with the writing.  Every scene in the movie is merely functional – it imparts information about what just happened, or what’s going to happen next, and then it’s done.  There’s very little that might be considered character development, and opportunities for it are almost always sidetracked into artistic nudity. The acting does nothing to save it, either. Not a single member of the cast ever tries to infuse their characters with any personality.  Diabolik himself is merely cackling evil, the gangsters are stock gangsters, the politicians are buffoons.  It’s not going to help that the whole movie is dubbed, but the physical performances aren’t any more interesting.

Diabolik and Eva pull off several heists, stealing money, jewels, and finally the enormous gold bar, always managing to escape right out from under the noses of the police.  The crimes themselves are fun to watch, as we are introduced to the various precautions taken and see how the criminals manage to outwit them, but we never get any idea of these two as human beings.  Thieving and sex are their entire lives, and we don’t even know why they do these things.  They don’t seem to use the items they steal.  The money just gets used as a mattress, the emeralds are thrown into a lake, and we have no idea what, if anything, they were going to do with the gold.  They seem to do this stuff just because they can.

Diabolik himself never even has a proper name.  The one person who might use it is Eva, but she never does, and the police are oddly unconcerned with his identity.  There’s a sequence in which they believe they have him dead on a table, but they make no effort to figure out who he is besides being Diabolik.  After he escapes, there are no wanted posters with his face on them.  This seems to reinforce that Diabolik is not really a person, he’s just Diabolik.  As Crow once said, who you are is irrelevant.

Of course, plenty of movies have a main villain who is nothing more than an evil force.  What keeps us interested in those is the good guys, with their relationships, personalities, and conflicts.  Danger: Diabolik doesn’t have any of that, either.  Opposing Diabolik are various government and police officials, who spend most of the movie shouting impotently and being made fools of.  We’re clearly not supposed to like or root for them, either.  The closest thing Diabolik has to a hero is Inspector Ginko, who sees Diabolik as a personal arch-nemesis.  He is competent and intelligent enough, but he’s not interesting.

What this means is that even as the crimes (and the attempts to prevent them) grow ever more outrageous, and the escapes ever more daring, nothing in Diabolik ever feels like it’s really at stake.  Since we don’t care about any of these people, we’re basically just watching to see what happens next.  It’s less like a story and more like some kind of Rube Goldberg machine. The inner workings are elaborate and it’s neat to see how all the pieces fit together, but the audience never gets involved.

Insofar as Danger: Diabolik has any kind of point to make, it’s pretty obviously about government incompetence, but it doesn’t have much to say about it.  The elected officials in the movie are unable to get anything done.  They shout a lot and hold press conferences, but none of it has an effect on the real world. The aristocrats, embodied in the British couple, are frivolous and out of touch with reality – Sir Harold is a senile old coot who plays with toy soldiers, and his wife thinks a crime spree is ‘frightfully romantic’.  Diabolik’s crimes show them to the people for the fools they are.

If this were intended as commentary, it’s strange that we are never shown how the common people react to Diabolik and what he does.  The only time we get a look at the man on the street is a brief glimpse of television viewers laughing about the destruction of the tax offices.  One may get the impression that while the government is panicking about Diabolik, ordinary people either don’t care, or indeed, think it’s all a big joke – and why shouldn’t they?  Their government are jackasses, and it’s the government that Diabolik is stealing from.  As long as his victims are not private citizens, it’s all in good fun.

Both the movie and the Diabolik comics are Italian, and Italy is of course a country with a notorious history of… let’s be nice and say ‘troubled government’.  We are never given a name for the country in which all this is supposed to be happening, but assuming it’s a stand-in for Italy seems reasonable enough. Perhaps an Italian audience would automatically assume the citizens are rooting for Diabolik, because the government are fools and deserve what they get.  The bit with the million dollar reward tends to support this, actually – as does Dr. Vernier’s warning to Eva.  Nobody wants to turn Diabolik in, not because they’re afraid of him, but because he’s something of a hero to them.

Even then, there’s still something missing, because Diabolik doesn’t care what anybody thinks of him.  He shows no interest in fame, never even bothering to say anything about it. He never leaves his hideout except to perform his next heist.  Sometimes he does seem to be doing things for political reasons, such as the laughing gas prank or his letter saying he’s blowing up the tax offices so that the government can’t waste any more public money on rewards.  Other crimes, such as the theft of the emeralds, seem to have no motive at all except perhaps to entertain Eva.  His inner life is a complete mystery to us.

While Diabolik is poorly-written and poorly-acted, I have to say it does look pretty good.  The elaborate sets and matte paintings that represent Diabolik’s lair are a lot of fun, and there’s some really well-set-up shots.  The whole movie is colourful and campy, but it often goes just a tiny bit too far with its visuals, veering off into weird, artsy asides.  The opening credits, over footage of unidentifiable stuff spinning around and around, made me feel a little ill.  The sequence of cartoon faces while the prostitute describes Eva to the sketch artist is just weird and unnecessary.  A lot of the stuff in Diabolik’s lair, intended to showcase the set design, goes on just a little too long, testing the audience’s patience and drawing attention to their careful staging.

I wonder if a lot of this stuff wasn’t based on things that worked perfectly well in the comics but didn’t translate to the screen.  That’s probably true of some of the artsy shots – you can have something like that in a comic and it won’t come across as contrived, but if you try to put it in a live-action movie the artifice of it is obvious.  The sketch artist sequence feels like a tribute of some sort to comic book art, but it’s intrusive and doesn’t do anything for the story.  Diabolik’s complete lack of identity outside his crimes would probably fare better in two dimensions than it does in three.

Or maybe it’s one of those adaptations that assumes you’re already familiar with the source material or you wouldn’t be watching it.  Maybe the comics did deal with things like Diabolik’s motivations and how people outside the government feel about him.  If so, the film has failed as an adaptation.  Moving into a new medium should bring more people into an audience, not shut them out.

[fire-the-headcanons]

In the corner of her eye, the boy leaned toward the girl and whispered something. The Grimm girl replied at full volume, “She’s staring at you because you’re wearing a gods-damned cape, crow.”

Well, there’s no need to call anyone names. Summer scowled at the girl before returning to her magazines.

Follow the Beacon Summer—First Impressions

[a.k.a. The Disasters finally meet each other and it obviously doesn’t go that well]

[Link to Masterpost]

“Promise you’ll call every weekend,” her mom demanded, holding her tighter. “You’ve got an entire CCT tower in the middle of campus. No excuses.”

“I promise!” Summer said returning the gesture. “And I promise to keep my room clean, and get along with my teammates, and not harass the headmaster, and every other thing you’ve said this week. Mom, we’re only like an hour away. Less if Balt can take you the whole way.”

“Geez, can you imagine if we’d actually gone to Shade?” Tai complained with a good-natured smile as his dad finally let him go. “Fly safe.”

“I am a professional.” Balt straightened his tie. “And you too.”

“Do you think Azraq will be able to talk Saturday?”

“Without you pranksters around I’m sure his workload will get a lot lighter,” he said. “But we need to head out now. Unless you two want to take the ferry back to the island.”

“All right, all right.” Her mom handed over her other suitcase. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” Hands full, Summer headbutted her mom’s shoulder before following Dan and Tai toward the shuttle that would head to the Academy. Students were already lining up to stow luggage in the hold, or to board on the top deck. Their parents and Balt headed for a slightly smaller ship swarmed by younger students, headed to Patch and Signal.

“I wish Zaff were here,” Tai muttered, yanking one of his suitcases over a crack in the concrete.

“Me too.” Summer pressed her tongue between her teeth. Leaving home didn’t scare her one bit. Getting partnered with complete strangers? Terrifying. 

Dan elbowed her. “The three of us just need to stick together.” She glanced at Tai behind his back, sharing a brief look of concern. He’d almost been taking their breakup too well.

It didn’t take long to get everything stowed, and then they were some of the last ones on the ship. Students of every year packed into every corner of the vessel, most of them wearing or carrying their weapons. Summer was glad she’d left Gungnir hanging from her belt.

“It’s so crowded,” Dan complained, ducking under the lance of another first year.

“There’s room back here,” Tai said, squeezing past some older students and heading toward the back of the ship. There was a lot more space away from the windows… or maybe people were trying to avoid the girl wedged in the back corner of the ship. She sat on her weapon—a massive black tube with a handle at one end that seemed far too small for the rest of it—and scowled at the floor like she wanted to set it on fire.

“So what is your plan for dealing with Ozpin?” Dan asked, leaning against a decorative strut. “Since you promised not to break into his office.”

“Well, he’s a government official, it doesn’t seem like the best idea,” Summer said, dropping onto a bench and setting Gungnir in her lap. “We barely got away with it at Signal and an Academy will have better security.”

Tai nodded. “We’re hoping if we can see who he’s meeting with, it might help us figure out what he’s doing.”

“ ‘Long as you don’t miss classes and bring the team down.”

“Shut up!”

The ground hummed as the ship rose smoothly into the air, and over near the windows some of the other first years oohed and ahhed. Summer had seen it all before, plenty of times��the four of them had gone to a few summer camps at the Academy.

The girl in the corner grunted, swearing viciously under her breath as the ship banked.

“You okay?” The boy sitting next to her asked, looking up from his book.

“Shut up.”

Summer realized what was so off-putting about the pair—their battle gear was all black, red, and white. Grimm colors. Though, it matched their red eyes and black hair.

The boy shrugged and slouched over his book again, part of his costume falling over his shoulder as he did. It took Summer a second to realize, but he was wearing a cape.

She was instantly jealous. Growing up—dreaming of what her Huntress battle gear would be like one day—she’d always wanted a long flowing cloak like Lady Pimpernel, or the Grimm Reaper… But she’d never had the confidence to actually do it, sticking to her signature white hoodies instead.

The boy looked up—maybe he’d sensed her staring at him, but their eyes met and Summer felt her face grow warm with embarrassment as she gave a small, awkward wave. He gave a tentative half-wave back, and Summer busied herself checking over Gungnir’s ammunition. 

In the corner of her eye, the boy leaned toward the girl and whispered something. The Grimm girl replied at full volume, “She’s staring at you because you’re wearing a gods-damned cape, crow.”

Well, there’s no need to call anyone names. Summer scowled at the girl before returning to her magazines.

“Making friends?” Dan muttered under his breath.

“Oh, shut up.”

“Is that a SDC Guillotine?” Tai asked suddenly. 

The girl stared at him, one hand moving to rest on her seat. “Why.” It wasn’t a question, more of a demand for information.

“Uh… ‘cause they’re cool, and not available to the public for another three months?” Tai said. “Are you two from Atlas?”

“No.”

Tai blinked, apparently weighing whether it was worth the effort—or risk—to continue the conversation. For reasons unknown, he decided it was. “...Mantle?”

“No.”

Summer decided she did not like this girl.

“Professor Carmine gave us our weapons,” her brother—he had to be related to her somehow, right? They were practically identical—took his turn to scowl at her. She wilted, even more shocked by him taking their side than they were by her rudeness. “We’re farmhands from Anima, we tested in to the school.”

“Where did a couple of farmhands learn to fight?” Dan asked, a sour note in his voice, and Summer turned to stare. What on Remnant was that for? 

“The...village huntsman…” Crow stammered, shrinking. “Uh, he… taught a lot of the kids, in town—”

She jumped in before Dan could jam his foot any further in his mouth, hoping to smooth things over.  “He must be glad you got into a Huntsman Academy.”

“He’s dead,” the girl snapped.

The rest of the ride passed in awkward silence. Crow returned to his book—when he shifted, Summer caught a glance at the cover. They’d used that history textbook two years ago at Signal...hopefully Dan hadn’t noticed. 

As soon as the ship landed, Dan made a beeline for the exit. “Can you believe that?” he demanded, glancing back to make sure the pair were out of earshot.

Tai blinked, one hand on the rail of the stairs leading down toward the hold. “Believe what?”

“Zaff’s stuck in Atlas so two rubes from Mistral can play dress-up?” Dan snarled under his breath, boots clanging on the metal steps. “What’s the admissions board doing?”

“...Oh.” She hadn’t thought about it that way. “You didn’t have to snap at them like that…”

“Whatever.” He yanked his luggage off the pile. “They’ll probably drop out before second semester.” 

“First years, please leave your things in the ballroom and make your way to the auditorium!” A short man with a large blond moustache directed traffic on the main path. Older students flowed around him, away from the landing stage and toward the dorms.

Dan continued as the crowd thinned. “They should give priority to people that want to go to their own kingdom’s school.”Summer scowled, but it wasn’t worth it to push the issue. Dan wasn’t very easy to talk to when he got in a mood.

It’s like he’s more upset than Zaff was.

The three of them stacked their belongings together, and followed the other students toward the giant circular building. Upperclassmen flooded up the stairs, but Professor Mesánychta and a faunus that Summer didn’t recognize directed the first years out onto the floor.

“Hi, Professor,” Tai called out, and Summer waved from around his shoulder.

“Mr. Xiao Long, your father warned me you three were coming,” she waved them past with a smile.

The interior of the auditorium was even larger than the other hall had been, though the floor was smaller. Seats ringed the walls, completely full of the older students. A stage had been wheeled out, giving the first-years a decent view of the teachers standing on it.

The babble of voices died down as Professor Ozpin stepped forward and cleared his throat. “To our returning students, welcome back. Remnant thanks you for your continuing commitment to protect the people. To our new students, welcome. You have walked a long road to reach these halls, and it will be a long road that takes you through them. Though you all have many different origins, you now share one destination—but remember, the road does not end on graduation day. You must always keep moving forward.

“Tonight you will all stay in the ballroom. Tomorrow, you will complete your initiation. I suggest you all get some rest. Welcome to Beacon.”

Summer clapped along with the other students, glancing at her friends. Tai was grinning up at the stage like he was ready to take on the entire wilds by himself, but next to him Dan was still glaring into the crowd. A heavy feeling of dread settled in her stomach. I wish Ozpin had said something about our teams…

Next Chapter: Raven—Rock and a Hard Place

[elliepassmore]

Six of Crows Review

5/5 stars Recommended for people who like: fantasy, multiple POVs, heist stories, morally grey characters, diversity

Bardugo's writing has definitely improved between writing the Grisha Trilogy  and this duology. There's more diversity of character, better plot continuity, and the stakes feel higher. Not to mention, the world building re: Kerch and Fjerda is amazing.

The novel starts being narrated by a young member of the city guard, and it's here we're introduced to the thing driving the plot: jurda parem. Parem can make Grisha--magic-users, for those who didn't read the Grisha trilogy first (you don't need to and I don't recommend it)--do fantastic, impossible things. Of course, this means the government wants Parem to be kept under wraps. Enter the Dregs, a street gang led by Kaz Brekker, the antihero (antivillian?) with a bum leg and a knack for getting out of tight spots. The Dregs are hired to break into the most secure place in the world, the Fjerdan Ice Court, and kidnap the scientist who invented Parem, bring him back to Ketterdam, and hand him over to the Council to keep him hidden. It's a fascinating set-up. A street-gang performing a high risk heist to kidnap a scientist? Sign me up. But beyond that, the plot opens up so many of the doors Bardugo utilizes for character-arcs and world-building.

Kaz Brekker is not a hero and he's definitely not the sort of person you'd want to run into...probably ever. In the slums of Ketterdam, referred to in the novel as the 'Barrel,' he's known as Dirtyhands. He's a master lock pick and practically leads the Dregs. Due to an accident a few years before the novel starts, he also walks with a cane and a perpetual limp. He's questionably moral, with the question more being 'does he have any?' more than 'you need to reevaluate that particular moral gap.' That's not to say he's necessarily a bad guy--albeit most of what he does is for money and revenge, but--he is one of the protagonists of the story, and he clearly cares for the members of his gang, even if he 1) doesn't show it, and 2) gets frustrated with them a lot. In the beginning of the story he definitely comes across as more uncaring than toward the end, and we sort of get to know why as the book progresses.

Inej Ghafa is a spy for the Dregs, contracted to them after Kaz got her out of a rough situation in one of the pleasure houses, which left some obvious trauma--this all occurs before the novel begins. She's one of the characters with the most straight morals. She's an ex-Suli acrobat who grew up in Ravka before she was kidnapped and brought to Ketterdam, and she uses those skills to scale walls, run across rooftops, and do otherwise gravity-defying tasks for the Dregs. Inej might be my favorite character of the bunch. She doesn't want to kill people, but she's unafraid to when it comes down to it, and has a collection of knives she named after Suli Saints. Her character growth in this book goes from 'not sure what I'll do with my life after this heist' (which will give each member $4 million) to following a Suli proverb "the heart is an arrow. It demands aim to land true" (311) and deciding she wants to hunt slavers.

Jesper Fahey is a Zemeni sharpshooter for the Dregs and a notorious gambler more adept at losing than winning. As good as he is with guns, he gets the group into a bit of trouble with the latter bit. Jesper always feels the need to move and the feeling he gets shooting or gambling helps fulfill that need. Despite the trouble, Jesper also saves the group several times using his sharpshooting skills. He's also hilarious and has a pretty big heart, he worries and asks after each of the characters, and I really like his relationships with the others. Bardugo definitely wrote him caring about others well, showing that sometimes there are fault lines in that, such as how he cares so much about Kaz and what he thinks that it sometimes impacts how he feels about himself or when he's so worried about *SEMI-SPOILER* Inej *SEMI-SPOILER END* after they're shot he can barely stand to be in the same room until they're recovered almost completely. There's a secret Jesper is holding onto that largely drives his arc in this book. Admittedly, his arc is more static than the others in this book, it mainly sets up for the complete arc in the second one.

Nina Zenik is a Heartrender Grisha from Ravka who made some bad decisions that landed her working for the Dregs in Ketterdam. She's the most bubbly of the group and loves to eat. A lot of her actions are driven by either trying to right her wrongs or trying to protect her country and people; so she's not exactly moral but she's definitely righteous. She's also a really funny character and the only one who really continuously, blatantly challenges Kaz throughout the novel, though the other characters do so in more subtle ways. I feel that a lot of the success of the heist ties into Nina and her abilities. For one, she has to be able to use her abilities to break in/out of a prison, make Matthias look like someone else, to erase the identifying gang tattoos some of the group has, subdue prison guards, subdue regular guards, basically take out an entire army, and *SPOILER* disguise Wylan *SPOILER END*. She does most of it without complaint, though that's not to say she's a pushover, she's definitely strong willed and opinionated, which, as stated earlier, means she's not worried about challenging the different characters' opinions and actions. A lot of her arc also occurs in the second novel and not so much this one.

Wylan Van Eck is their Ketterdam-born demolitions expert and bargaining chip. He's also decent with drawing and coming up with ideas on the sly. Wylan is definitely the baby of the group in terms of experience, but he makes up for it in his quick-thinking and seeming infinite supply of explosive materials. Surprisingly, despite his lack of a criminal upbringing and being the newest to the group, he doesn't really have many qualms about a lot of what occurs, though when he does he raises a bit of a ruckus about it. That seems to be his main arc in this book, and it's relatively easy to track; in the beginning, he has quite a few issues with pick-pocketing, but later on he's the one to suggest to Jesper to wake up guards before they kill them if it'll make the other boy feel better about it. It's not so much a devolution of morals as much as a rearranging of morals, so to say.

Finally, Matthias Helvar the Fjerdan ex-drüskelle (Grisha hunter) and the crew's way to know Ice Court. Matthias maybe has the most character growth out of all of them. He goes from essentially being a ranked murderer to someone who understands Grisha aren't evil and that the hate spouted by the drüskellen order is wrong. He's another character who has a strong moral compass, though his comes off as more righteous and 'look down my nose' than Inej's does. He comes off as cruel in the beginning, but almost immediately it's obvious he has a heart and a conscience under the drüskellen mask--at least for anyone not Grisha.

The relationships between the characters are all complicated, which makes them feel real. The way they bump and sharpen each other's edges and then soothing them back down makes them feel very much like a family, even though some of them--Wylan and Matthias--are newer members. Each of the characters also has their own intricacies and tics. Each of them also offers great representation for readers--Jesper is black and has ADHD and is bi, Inej is portrayed as looking Arabic or Persian and has PTSD, Nina is fat and also likely bi, Wylan has dyslexia and gay, Kaz walks with a permanent limp and is touch-averse (likely has PTSD too), Matthias has to fight against the hate that was taught to him, and the semi-surprise character who comes in later is portrayed as being East Asian, likely Chinese or Korean--and it's all written as being normal.

Bardugo also did a good job of building Ketterdam and Fjerda as a world I could see and rules I could understand. The way the Barrel was described allowed me to really be in the moment with the characters when they were at the docks or the Slat (Dreg HQ), that I could feel the chill of the ice in Fjerda or the fear of being in the Ice Court prison. You can also tell, from the way Bardugo built the places and the languages, that she paid a lot of attention to history and real countries and languages when creating the world of SoC. Kerch, the language, is loosely based on an older form of Dutch, and Ketterdam is based on pre-/ante-Industrial Revolution trading cities of the Netherlands. Fjerda is likely based on the Nordic countries, though I couldn't begin to say which language Fjerdan resembles, maybe a mix of them. Anyway, the point is that the world feels real, as if you could really crack open a textbook and read about Kerch or Fjerda alongside countries like France and Germany.

The characters were obviously a driving point of the story, but that's not to say there isn't plenty of action, because there is. Likewise, the plot is well thought out and has plenty of twists and turns to keep readers interested and guessing, though you might guess some of the things that occur beforehand.

[aion-rsa]

Black Widow: Bringing Dreykov, Taskmaster, Yelena, and More to Life

https://ift.tt/2VJoBzB

This article contains Black Widow spoilers.

Eric Pearson knows a thing or two about the Marvel Universe. A self-professed comic book nerd, the screenwriter penned the Son of Odin’s third feature film, Thor: Ragnarok. His most recent gig? Another high profile MCU project, Black Widow. 

The spy-action thriller takes a deep dive into Natasha Romanoff’s [Scarlett Johansson] formative years, fills in the blanks over her whereabouts between Captain America: Civil War and Avengers: Infinity War and introduces her missing “sister,” Yelena Belova [Florence Pugh]. After reuniting with their “faux parents” Alexei/Red Guardian [David Harbour] and Melina [Rachel Weisz], the siblings become determined to put an end to Dreykov [Ray Winstone], his super-powered goon Taskmaster [Olga Kurylenko], and the brainwashing Black Widow program.  

Pearson recently spoke to Den of Geek about telling a personal Black Widow story, the Taskmaster’s shocking identity, his favorite action sequence, the post-credit scene and more…. 

How much free reign did Marvel give you on Black Widow?

Eric Pearson: There were definitely some pieces already in place. There were a couple of writers who had been working before me. When I came in, the idea of the mysterious family from Natasha’s past was there. Yelena Belova was a given. The Red Guardian was a given. The idea that there would be a mother character was a given, but Melina’s character had to be figured out. 

Scarlett Johansson is an executive producer on this. She had been talking a lot with Cate Shortland, Kevin Feige and Brian Chapek about what they wanted. The idea of a family, a sort of American-style, undercover Russian family… the idea of this prologue from some time in the past and then escaping with the MacGuffin, that we figure out what it is later… and the idea of  the getting the band-back-together plotline… were all pieces they wanted me to work with. 

They had talked a lot about tone and theme and very much that this is Natasha Romanoff’s last hurrah. Cate and Scarlett were talking a lot about this being an exploration of her heart, an investigation of who she was as a character and wanting to really dig deep into who she is and who she was and how she became that person. And, also, from the Marvel side of things, trying to shed some light on these little mysteries of her past that have been alluded to, including Budapest, Dreykov’s daughter, and stuff like that.

How tricky was it crafting a standalone story that not only fit between Captain America: Civil War and Avengers: Infinity War, but also filled in the gaps for Natasha?

That was a very hard task, a very difficult task, especially considering the villain plot. The villain stuff always tends to be the most difficult with Marvel movies and giant comic book movies. This was especially difficult going in between Civil War and Infinity War. 

Number one, we knew – and this is not a spoiler – that Natasha eventually would be dying in a later movie. So, you knew she was going to survive. Also, we had to have a villain threat that felt credible, knowing that the world is still standing a movie later. We couldn’t say, Dr. Evil-style, “We are going to blow up the moon,” because we know there is a moon. The task I immediately felt befuddled by was, “How do we get a villain whose nefarious scheme could remain undetected in success.” 

Fortunately, the spy-thriller genre that comes along with a Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow story allowed for us to come up with this nefarious organization, who is lurking in the shadows and puppeteering things. The villain plot was one of the trickiest things to figure out.

How important was it to tie Dreykov into Natasha and Yelena’s origin story?

Something we talked about right from the beginning was approaching this as Natasha first. That was a lens that I wanted to look at this movie through. Being that we couldn’t put up the threat that Natasha might die, everyone knew she gives her life later, her journey became more of an emotional one. For the villain, the idea of someone from her past, someone who had created all this trauma for her in the past and there’s a loose end from her past, would be a nightmare for her… that felt right. 

Also, I’m obviously a big Marvel nerd. For me, it was looking at Natasha’s character. Civil War and before, she felt more closed off. She was very much choosing how she was going to let people know her. Then, I felt like in Infinity War and Endgame, Natasha was a little bit more open, a little bit more emotionally available. We were talking right from the beginning, that we needed to figure out the delineation of what happened to this character to make her open up. The best way was to go into her past.

The other baddie that created plenty of buzz was Taskmaster. How did you land on this villain, and was the identity always meant to be Antonia?

When I arrived to start working on this, it was Taskmaster as a physical nemesis because we had Dreykov as more of a chess master, a puppeteer kind of villain, someone who hides in the shadows and pulls the strings. At first, we were thinking of Tony Masters [the character’s comic book alter ego], but Masters is just a mercenary. We were dealing with the Red Room, this secret organization that has gotten one over on Natasha and remained in the shadows, even though she felt she had brought them down. I could never really make sense of why this mercenary guy, why is he an extension of General Dreykov, who runs the Red Room? 

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Meanwhile, we had this other mystery of whatever happened to Dreykov’s daughter. The pieces were falling into place. Whereas Tony Masters felt like a square peg in a round hole in this story, the idea of this being a loose end from Natasha’s past seemed to make sense. 

We had the mystery of what happened to Dreykov’s daughter. We had Dreykov as someone who was manipulating the human brain. Our family steals the key to freewill in the opening sequence. Something important to me is I felt Natasha was constantly, in other movies, alluding to her dark past. We needed to see something from the dark past, not just the bad things that happened to her, but that she did bad things that she was ashamed of. For me, it couldn’t be, “I was chasing a bad guy and some people accidentally got hurt.” It had to be, “I chose to do something objectively bad as a means to an end, and I justified it to myself.” Natasha, as a natural-born hero, that’s the kind of thing that would haunt her forever. 

The idea that Natasha would use this little girl as bait, to defect and get herself a better life and bring down her nemesis from her traumatic early years, that’s something I felt that would keep her up at night for the rest of her life. Then, what makes it even worse, “Oh, actually, you didn’t kill this little girl. She’s there and you’ve made her life so much worse. Everything you tried to destroy has gotten worse in the shadows, and you have to go back and face that. You have to confront all these horrors, and that’s the only way you can move forward.” That’s how we came to it.

How much did Cate want you to lean into the sister relationship between Natasha and Yelena?

We knew that would be the central relationship for this whole movie from the beginning. Even before we knew how it was going to be, it just felt like the idea of Natasha Romanoff and Yelena Belova would be the two at the center of this movie. 

Then, as you write the beginning, you find little things. Something I found early on, which I found very important is, “Oh, Yelena, as a little girl, she’s the only one who didn’t know.” She went into this seemingly great happy family. That difference, the shock and the trauma of that created a big rift for them when the curtain is pulled back. Also, when you have that moment of young Natasha pulling the guard’s gun and protecting Yelena, you see what is important to Natasha. 

Now, the movie brings her face-to-face with the fact that she left Yelena there. She put herself first and Yelena has been living this hard life ever since they last saw each other. We were always leaning into that as much as possible. Also, the fact that Scarlett and Florence are so fun together. The sisterly relationship is fun. 

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The dialogue does two things.  When Yelena is needling Natasha about being “one of the big ones,” when it comes to being an Avenger, or making fun of her posing… hopefully it makes people chuckle and it’s charming. But it’s also Yelena being, “Why didn’t you take me with you?” That’s the subtext of her saying, “You left me. You went off, and you were my hero.” 

You’ve scripted a Thunder God going into battle. A Hulk smashing. How did you approach Black Widow’s action beats and fighting styles?

We had Darrin Prescott running a second unit, and Rob Inch and James Young on the stunt and fight choreography. A lot of times they would come in with ideas, including when they came back from Budapest and were like, “Oh, yeah, the escape path that Yelena made for herself was this pipe, that she could ride across the building.” I was like, “That’s insane. OK.” Sometimes they would just go out and come back with crazy ideas. I always just try and find the best story and character stuff from it.

My favorite moment was the Yelena and Natasha fight when they first meet. At that point, that set hadn’t been built. I just knew it was an apartment in Budapest. I’m just writing all these cool beats that I can think of for an apartment fight. There’s a gun in the butter drawer… 

I originally ended that fight in the bathroom, where it was a shower curtain that got wrapped around each of their necks and they were choking each other. It was important that it ended in a stalemate and the character connection between these two. Even though they don’t know if they can trust each other, even though they haven’t seen each other in a while, I wanted them staring into each other’s eyes, and either one could blast out at any second, but it’s that eye-to-eye connection that makes them start fighting. 

The fight team comes back and goes, “We love this. We can’t do it in the bathroom. It’s too small. We have these big 18-foot walls. How about a window curtain?” So, it’s great to have the best people around you, because they are working all the nitty-gritty of the fight, but working together we see, “Oh this moment is really important for the movie and story going forward.” We all got to hone in on that.

Humor is sprinkled throughout the film. How did you land on the Black Widow battle-pose joke? And how surprised are you that audiences have really embraced it?

You never know what people are going to go for. Florence had been teasing Scarlett, and we talked about it. As far as the dialogue, the idea came from Yelena calling her a poser. Talking about Yelena’s character, and how she would be that bratty little sister, how she would needle her big sister who has gotten to live this “fabulous life” as an Avenger, as a global hero. “Poser” is one of those insults that is hard to shake, no matter who is saying it to you. 

It became a gift that kept on giving with Florence, the way she would perform the pose in front of Natasha. It takes longer than it does on the page. I think on the page, it was “It’s a fighting pose. You’re a total poser.” But Yelena has to do it, and she’s sore from the fight. It becomes the thing that you do with your hand, and you whip your hair. Florence is improvising a lot of that performance, and that gets really charming.

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Then, as we are doing the third act, we realize, “Oh, there’s a moment where Yelena is sneaking through the vents. She has to drop down to the floor.” I ran over and went, “You have to do the pose, right?” And Florence is like, “Yeah. We have to do the pose.” 

I tried to out-clever myself at one point. “What if she just lands and falls on her ass, or completely does something unexpected?” I was like, “Let’s just take the easy way and have her do the pose and then not feel comfortable.” It just felt like the right thing to do, the right thing for Yelena’s character. I think it plays really well.

In the bonus scene, Yelena visits Natasha’s grave. How much of that was designed to appease fans who felt there wasn’t enough time allotted to mourn Natasha during Avengers: Endgame?

I was going to say it wasn’t thought of at all, but it was totally thought of. It’s hard to make a movie entirely in the bubble. For our movie, Natasha’s body is not in the grave, or at least I don’t think it is. Her body remains on Vormir or magically, mystically, evaporated into the great mists of space. 

But they wanted to erect a memorial for her in Ohio, where they were together. We don’t say that. The closest thing is Valentina [Julia Louis-Dreyfus] saying, “I’m allergic to the Midwest.” For me, it felt like I wanted to have that personal moment for these characters, how they would want to honor her. And then to have that touching moment be ruined by Valentina… That’s the way I like my entertainment. 

Black Widow was supposed to come out before The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. What did you want to establish with that character and was that scene always written for Julia? Had she been cast yet?

They told me Valentina was coming into the universe and that they were getting Julia. We were actually supposed to be the first scene that you saw Valentina, but then the pandemic hit. I couldn’t get to the computer fast enough. I am a humongous fan of Julia Louis-Dreyfus. She just brings it.

I loved helping create Yelena and I wanted them to have a great funny rapport. What we wanted to establish with that scene is that some time had passed. One of the most important things that people either don’t get or it doesn’t register with them, is that they know each other. Yelena says, “You’re not supposed to be bothering me on my holiday, Valentina.” 

Not that they just met, or they are supposed to be meeting here. They know each other and have been working together. That’s the interesting first crumb in the trail that could happen next.

What kind of ideas did you bandy around about setting up this revenge scenario between Yelena and Hawkeye?

I didn’t set up anything at all. That was something that they told me would be happening. I didn’t write on that. Honestly, it was uncomfortable to me. As I said to Marvel, I don’t know how this is playing out. They were like, “Don’t worry. Someone is working on that.” 

I’m like, “Am I screwing over some other writer? Is some other writer going to have to come back in to pay off a story?” That made me feel guilty. They were like, “Don’t worry.” I don’t know how it plays out, but I can’t wait to see.

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Black Widow is now playing in theaters and is available via Disney+ Premier Access.

The post Black Widow: Bringing Dreykov, Taskmaster, Yelena, and More to Life appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[scarwasright]

Fullmetal Alchemist (2003) Special Edition guidebook transcript, including Ed’s decoded notes

What it says on the label. The Blu-Ray special edition of FMA 03 came with a ton of cool shit, including a hardcover artbook with the character profiles originally from the DVD booklets as well as some other, “handwritten” notes from Edward. Since I know not a lot of fans got their hands on this set, I promised a WHILE ago that I would transcribe it! Someday I’ll have scans, but I don’t have access to a scanner atm.

I’ll be listing the character notes by 3 categories: Profile Text, Edward’s Notes, and Edward’s Coded Notes.

Profile Text- the brief character blurbs that were already published in the DVD guidebooks that came out in Funimation’s original localization. Most recurring characters got one.

Edward’s Notes- The book’s title page indicates that it was issued by the Amestrian State Military, and that it belongs to Ed. Little handwritten notes, presumably from Ed, are scattered throughout the character profiles. Some are silly, some are... very not silly.

Edward’s Coded Notes- Some of Ed’s notes are written in a very simple code that replaces the English characters with symbols. It’s straightforward enough that I was able to break it in about an hour - I posted a key over here.

Not included in this text are the image captions associated with the characters’ model drawings, since they don’t make any sense without context. Stuff like “Al age 7, Ed age 8.” There are also many artist notes in Japanese, and I am anything but a Japanese speaker, so no luck there.

Fair warning, there are Royed, Royai, and if you squint, Edvy jokes in the coded text. I’m just writing what’s in the book.

Full transcript behind the cut!

THE TITLE PAGE indicates that the book is military-issued, and Edward has signed his full name on it. The following page is printed with a torn page from a smaller, obviously older book. In ornate letters, it reads the verse that was written in part in the Transmutation Circle the boys tried to use to bring back Trisha:

Pale and black with false citrine, imperfect white and red, The Peacock's feathers in gay colours, the rainbow which shall go over, The spotted panther, the lion green, the Crows bill blue as lead. These shall appear before you perfect white, and many more others. And after the perfect white, grey, false citrine also, And after these, there shall appear the red body invariable, Then you have a medicine of the third order of his own kind multipliable. 

Edward’s Coded Notes: Written into the margins of the “original” military book, “Sir George Ripley,” with an arrow pointing to the pressed page. Along the side margin, he’s written “thhe* recapitulation of thhe* twelve gates.”

Explanation: Sir George Ripley is a famous British alchemist whose verse appears on this page. The full transcript of the poem Edward pasted in his book can be found here! It is also, notably, the incantation recited by Eckhart in Conqueror of Shamballa when she sought to open the Gate using Envy.

       *Two people seem to have worked on the coded notes, one on the title and transmutation circle pages and the other on the character pages. The handwriting is a bit different, and the title+circle pages are noticeably sloppier than the character pages as far as adhering to the cipher goes. The symbol used for TH in the character pages is used only for a T which is followed by an H on the title pages. In the character pages the standalone H character is absent when the TH character is used, so the inconsistency makes for an obviously unintentional duplicate on the title page.

Edward’s Notes: There are twelve tally marks in the margin of this page, as well as some scribbled equations that are difficult to make out. Ed has awful handwriting.

EDWARD ELRIC

Profile Text: Edward Elric is the Fullmetal Alchemist. He is a prodigy, becoming the youngest State Alchemist in the Army’s history. Edward stunned his superiors by using alchemy without an array, a miraculous feat never witnessed before. Ed despises being a “dog of the military,” but it grants him the opportunity to seek out the legendary Philosopher’s Stone, a crimson crystal rumored to increase the power of the alchemist who uses it.

Edward seeks the stone so that he may restore his missing limbs, and more importantly reunite his younger brother Alphonse’s body with his soul, which was tragically trapped in a suit of armor after a failed attempt through alchemy to revive the dead Trisha Elric, the boys’ mother. Edward realizes he has a gift, a gift that most State Alchemists could only dream of having. But he knows that with that gift he becomes a high profile target.

As Edward reluctantly fights off a crazed assassin who vows revenge on all State Alchemists, Edward begins to unravel the clues that reveal not all is as it seems at the highest levels of the State Military. And, that there is a terrible secret behind the precious Philosopher’s Stone.

ALPHONSE ELRIC

Profile Text: Alphonse Elric was but an innocent young child when a tragic chain of events changed his life forever. First, his father mysteriously vanished while Al was too young to remember. Then, after battling terrible illness, Al’s mother succumbed to death. Finally, during a horrific accident performing forbidden alchemy, Al’s soul was sealed inside a suit of armor.

Undaunted and unashamed by all that has happened in his short life, Al carries on, eternally supporting his older brother, Edward, in his search for the Philosopher’s Stone, a legendary gem with the power to restore Al’s body and Edward’s lost limbs. Al knows that he and his brother’s actions were wrong. He only wishes for a chance to make things right.

Edward’s Notes: In smudged, barely-legible pencil, “Brother, don’t sell me short!” (thank u @gryphcat cross-referencing your own book to confirm that it does NOT say “Brother, don’t call me short!”)

Also notable is the circled “???” with an arrow pointing to that adorable picture of young Al enthusiastically ripping off his shirt.

Edward’s Coded Notes: FYI, there isn’t anything under the loincloth, [indecipherable*]!

       *I think the letters were flubbed a bit, here. The characters read “[y/i]n[u/v][f/p]er[u/v]s.” I get the feeling it was supposed to say “Impervious!” buuuut someone messed up.

HOHENHEIM ELRIC

Profile Text: Supposedly lost to the ages, Hohenheim Elric, the father of the brothers Elric was close at hand after all, lurking in the shadows of history as the momentum of the search for the Philosopher’s Stone reached fever pitch. Hohenheim reappears in Resembool allowing the final pieces of this mad puzzle to begin falling into place, as he bears the secrets of the Philosopher’s Stone in his weary heart... A heart beaten down by lost love, a heart full of loyalty to his boys*. Destiny has delivered Hohenheim to a crucial point, a spot in time when all that is good prepares to unravel. Perhaps he will be strong enough to move forward and rise above his shady pas, nad push his shoulder against the wheel of fate that threatens to crush all he ever cared for.

       *We watched two very different series, apparently

Edward’s Coded Notes: That bastard [arrow pointing to his portrait]

TRISHA ELRIC (who shares a page with Hohenheim)

Edward’s Coded Notes: Why did they both have to die?

ROY MUSTANG

Profile Text: Roy Mustang is the Flame Alchemist and a veteran of many brutal battles. He personally knew Edward and Alphonse’s father, which sparked his curiosity once he discovered that Hohenheim’s sons were dabbling in alchemical arts. Mustang is eager to climb the ladder of success and hopes that discovering the immense talent within Edward helps him ascend the ranks. Still, Mustang’s soldiers are the most loyal in all of the State Army, insinuating that there is more to this man than his thirst for power.

Edward’s Coded Notes: Roy Mustang is dead sexy in a miniskirt!* [T]ake that [y]ou smug [b]astard!** Why does he have to be so attractive

       *Most likely a reference to an old convention gag. Back when FMA was big enough that it had dedicated cast panels, fans would almost always ask Vic Mignogna to say this line.

       **The bracketed letters are cut off, but it’s fairly easy to assume what they are given the context.

RIZA HAWKEYE

Profile Text: Riza Hawkeye is quite possibly the most perfect model of a soldier in the State Army. Although Hawkeye is Roy Mustang’s subordinate, she is also his right hand woman, acting as an advisor and, based on the circumstance, devil’s advocate. Her no-nonsense attitude demands respect from everyone she meets, military and civilian alike. She is cool, calm, and collected, and exceptionally skilled in the use of firearms.

Edward’s Coded Notes: [bridging the gap between Roy and Riza’s facing pages, underlined with an arrow] Just get married already!

MAES HUGHES

Profile Text: Maes Hughes is a Lieutenant Colonel in the Investigations Division of the State Army. Hughes is obsessively in love with his wife Gracia, and only child Elicia, who from birth shares a strange connection with Ed and Al. Hughes is friendly and extremely casual, sometimes to a fault. He can quickly lapse back and forth between discussing State matters and going on and on about his family. As a high-ranking official in the Investigations Division, Hughes is privy to plenty of top-secret info, which he shares with Ed on the sly. When Hughes is nudged into physical combat, his weapons of choice are small throwing knives, which he wields with incredible and deadly accuracy.

Edward’s Notes: [slightly obscured by water damage] I’m sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen

ALEX LOUIS ARMSTRONG

Profile Text: Major Alex Louis Armstrong was given strict orders from Mustang to protect Ed. But, don’t let his civilian clothes fool you. With his strapping build and gutsy bravado, this Strong Arm Alchemist will give his life to ensure he completes his mission successfully. If on thing’s for certain, Armstrong will make sure that Ed’s within arm’s protection.

This straight and narrow man won’t even give Ed as much as a loss in an argument. He’d rather use his genteel decorum to kill improper manners with his heroic kindness. Even during their down time in Resembool, there’s not a moment to lose. Armstrong is committed to his life as a soldier, and knows daily training is essential - even if that means cutting firewood with his bare hands.

Edward’s Notes: [circled] Why are there so many sparkles?!!

JEAN HAVOC, HEYMANS BREDA, VATO FALMAN, KAIN FUERY

Profile Text: In a world where loyalties change with the tides, good subordinates are a premium. Roy Mustang has this luxury with Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Fuery. These four loyal officers will do anything their commander requests of them and do it well, to boot. However, these four couldn’t be more different. Havoc is the tragic playboy of the group, always wishing he had that special someone to share the rest of his days. Breda may be called a “dog of the military” from time to time, but Breda would rather stare down an entire army than get anywhere near a real dog. Falman is overly formal, causing some of his comrades to wish he would lighten up. Fuery is the soft-spoken technical wizard under Mustang’s command. He isn’t used to much hand-to-hand combat, but is handy enough in a pinch. As with all of Mustang’s men, these four would follow him until death.

DENNY BLOCH AND MARIA ROSS

Profile Text: Abrasive in demeanor, Lieutenant Maria Ross is always determined to do the right thing. Sometimes, she has trouble distinguishing between her actual duties and the chance to deliver a lecture. Sergeant Denny Bloch, along with Lieutenant Ross, was given the responsibility to keep the Fullmetal Alchemist under close supervision. Regardless, they fall behind when danger approaches.

Edward’s Coded Notes: Watch out for her slap!

IZUMI CURTIS

Profile Text: The stern Izumi Curtis is more than just an alchemy teacher to the Elric brothers. As the passionate matriarch of a two-person family, Ed and Al may be the closest thing she’ll ever have to children. Resurfacing after hearing rumors about her former pupils, it is quite possible Izumi may know more than she lets on about the true nature of alchemy and the sinister homunculi.

Edward’s Coded Notes: [circled] She always looks like a pissed off housewife!

SCIESZKA

Profile Text: Scieszka is the prototypical, scatterbrained librarian. With her impeccable retention of facts, the clues that others miss quickly slide into place for this unlikely hero. Hopefully, her pleas for justice will not fall on deaf ears.

Edward’s Notes: [circled, pointing to Scieszka’s distressed portrait] Did they run out of books?

ROSE

Profile Text: The once vibrant Rose has wilted due to a hard life of tragedy and turmoil. After suffering the harshest of injustices at the hands of the State Military, Rose finds herself a mute and a mother... The mother of an infant, and the mother of a movement. Now the spiritual leader of the Liore revolutionaries and advised by the ever-present Lyra, Rose must struggle to lead her people to peace. With her beloved Liore in the crosshairs, she can only hope to find her voice in time to half the demise of everything she cared for.

Edward’s Notes: “You’ve got a good, strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them.”

RUSSEL & FLETCHER TRINGHAM

Edward’s Notes: Ed himself has drawn in the boys’ transmutation circle for plants, and has labeled it as such. He has also sketched one of their flasks and written next to it “For red water?”

Edward’s Coded Notes: Why is he so tall?!!

#48 & #66

Edward’s Notes: He has drawn the Slicer Brothers’ blood seals and labeled them. The secret behind Lab 5... ???

Edward’s Coded Notes: Prisoners!

FRANK ARCHER

Profile Text: His heart as cold as his flesh is pale, Frank Archer is willing to embrace corruption for a cause... especially if the cause is blatant self-promotion. Looking to bolster his reputation by crushing a revolt in Liore, Archer sets fate in motion with little regard for anything other than pleasing himself and the Fuhrer. His lust for war and his hunt for the infamous Scar may cloud his vision, however, as he potentially confuses sacrifice for suicide.

Edward’s Coded Notes: You [m]ight want [s]ome [s]unscreen* [indicating the image of his mech form] The Terminator?

ZOLF J KIMBLEY

Edward’s Coded Notes: Mullet?!

SHOU TUCKER

Profile Text: Shou Tucker earned the title Sewing Life Alchemist thanks in large part to his masterful work creating Chimeras for the State. In fact, Tucker was the first alchemist to produce a Chimera capable of speaking and understanding the human language. Tucker is a man with incredible brilliance and immense talent. The irony is that he can create life, but that his own is being controlled is not lost upon Shou Tucker. With his execution staged by the Military, Tucker has spent all of his time devoted to research and experimentation, with one purpose in mind: bring back the daughter he once readily destroyed.

Edward’s Notes: Because we’re not Gods, we’re humans, tiny insignificant humans. Who couldn’t even save a little girl...

Edward’s Coded Notes: I’ll never forgive that bastard.

SCAR

Profile Text: Like Ed, Scar is able to use alchemy without a transmutation circle. Scar both hates and embraces his “curse.” He has a special grudge against State Alchemists because of past atrocities towards his homeland of Ishbal. The Ishbal Massacre was a vicious military offensive against Ishbal due to conflicting doctrines because the citizens would not put aside their traditional beliefs and embrace alchemy. Scar believes his god has instilled in him the right to kill State Alchemists at will for what they have done to his people. He truly believes his cause is righteous, no matter what it takes. 

Edward’s Coded Notes: [indicating Scar’s hair] Frosted tips are over, dude... Those glasses are so dated...

LUST

Profile Text: The beautiful homunculus Lust desires to become human through the massive power of the Philosopher’s Stone. She dreams of finally finding out who she really is inside, and to discover what will happen to her after death. These are all very human traits for a being that supposedly has no soul. Lust uses any means necessary to traverse the dilemmas of her existential crisis... She is able to corrupt the minds of the weak, forcing them to follow her every whim. Like Scar and Ed, the gorgeous and sad Lust is traveling down the same whirlpool of misery and darkness that sucks away all who quest for the Philosopher’s Stone.

Edward’s Notes: [smudged, almost beyond legibility] I just hope Havoc doesn’t meet her... Edward has drawn an arrow from Lust’s locket to Scar with ???, as well as a two-way arrow between the facing pages with the writing What’s their connection?

Edward’s Coded Notes: Maybe she and Roy* should go on a date with Roy* - I heard she’s a real screamer**

       *Another seeming typo.

       **Probably a reference to Laura Bailey’s marriage to Travis Willingham, as they play Lust and Roy in the English dub. Roy is responsible for Lust’s death in the manga and second anime, and she does not go quietly.

GLUTTONY

Profile Text: Loyal homunculus companion to Lust, Gluttony, eater of anything, might be the saddest example of the cruel nature of the hunt for the Philosopher’s Stone. Simple and savage, Gluttony operates at once like a child and an animal, a creature of pure instant satisfaction. He simply knows one thing: Hunger. Not for power of prestige, but only to satisfy his reason to be... this only adds to the wretchedness of his tragic existence.

Edward’s Notes: I-DCCC-DCCI-VM?*

       *I have absolutely no idea what this is in reference to, so if anyone knows, I would LOVE an answer.

ENVY

Profile Text: Envy is one of the homunculi, a group of pseudo-humans whose creation is still an enigma. Some say they were created in a lab. Others believe they’ve always been among us. But no matter where they came from, their intention are nothing but evil. Envy has the ability to become a perfect physical replica of whomever he or she desires. Envy is without gender. In fact, Envy’s mind is so far gone that he or she can’t remember who he or she used to be. Envy’s power is truly amazing.

The shape-shifting homunculi Envy could be anyone, utilizing the ability to take on the physical appearance of any being at will. Envy will morph into a stranger behind you in a smokey cafe, or the trusted ally that works with you to uncover corruption and twisted abuses of power, or even your loving spouse. And beneath the familiar surface pure evil waits. Never turn your back on Envy. Even after you’ve slit the creature’s throat.

Edward’s Notes: Areca triandea Phoenix canariensis, Ceros nucifera Sabal minor Syogrus romanzoffiana* [next to this, Edward drew a little palm tree with a ?]

       *the binomial nomenclature for a queen palm tree

Edward’s Coded Notes: I’m not into palm trees

GREED

Profile Text: A thick-skinned enigma even among the mysterious homunculi, Greed wants it all... money, power, women, and the greatest prize of all: eternal life. Greed leads a band of outlaw chimeras and instructs his freakish minions to kidnap Alphonse Elric, believing the young alchemist is the key to the door of immortality. Headed for a brutal showdown, Ed will test the homunculus’ reputation as the Ultimate Shield. In return, Greed will test every notion Ed ever held to be true and real.

Edward’s Notes: [smudged] I wonder why Dante made him...

SLOTH

Profile Text: Draped in the appearance of the late Trisha Elric*, the water abomination Sloth was created on that fateful night of lost innocence; the night when the Elric brothers first set out in search of the Philosopher’s Stone. After being nursed and groomed by Dante and Pride, and her involvement in the slaughter of Maes Hughes, she is forced to confront Ed and Al. While cursing them for her fate, Sloth’s seemingly maternal memories and longings may provide the homunculus with her downfall... nothing in the universe is more resilient than a mother’s love. Something stirs in Sloth, where a soul once rested.

Edward’s Notes: [a two-way arrow, pointing from Sloth’s name to hand-written Juliet Douglas] [*above this line in her bio, Ed has aggressively written NO!]

Edward’s Coded Notes: [circled, with an arrow indicating the bio] She is not my mother!!!

WRATH

Profile Text: The homunculus Wrath might be the most mysterious of all the dark creatures. A volatile combination of childlike mischief and soulless evil, Wrath was discovered on a treacherous island by the Elrics and their teacher Izumi. Timid at first, Wrath’s demeanor soon shifts as layer upon layer of intrigue is peeled away, uncovering a core of supernatural madness. Able to perform alchemy, at times even in ways that Fullmetal himself doesn’t understand, it becomes clear that Wrath is a monster. His connection to Ed and Al’s teacher could provide answers to questions that are too shocking to ask.* Suspicious of the boy, Ed will give an arm and a leg to uncover the truth about the wild child.

Edward’s Coded Notes: [with an arrow pointing from the bio text Ed has underlined] It’s hers!

KING BRADLEY (PRIDE)

Profile Text: The Fuhrer King Bradley commands both the State Government and the State Army making him seemingly the most powerful man in the entire world. Known as one of the most cunning and vicious warriors in history, the homunculus Pride, the Fuhrer himself, has orchestrated countless bloody conflicts in his search for the Philosopher’s Stone. Calm, cool, collected and created by Dante... Bradley moves his pieces into striking range. Is it possible, though, that the Ultimate Eye is blind to his own role as a pawn in someone else’s sinister plot?

Edward’s Notes: He’s a homunculus that can age?!!

Edward’s Coded Notes: How did no one figure it out?!!

DANTE

Profile Text: Dante’s actions, her attempts to control the uncontrollable and manipulate innocence, have carried her through the centuries with a singular goal... immortality. At times seemingly aligned with the powers of good, while dipping her toes into the red pool of evil, Dante’s path has been one clouded by murky intentions. At the end of the quest for the Philosopher’s Stone, as all of the players look up past the strings that carried them through this desperate dance, whose face will they see?

Edward’s Notes: an arrow connects Dante’s name with Lyra, which is circled

Edward’s Coded Notes: So glad she isn’t my mom!

After the character pages, there are four pages of alchemic arrays. The writing here gets really vague, as all of it is written in Ed’s code and there are many mistakes.

The Thule Society’s array has a four letter word with an exclamation point that begins with NA, followed by the character for X and a sloppy character that is probably I/Y but looks more like a J. There are no other instances of a Z to confirm, but I think X and Z may be the same character, and it was intended to say “NAZI!”

Majahal’s array is noted with I wonder what happened to Lebi? This probably refers to Carin, Lebi being the name she took on after forgetting her past. This, too, is a bit confusing because the I/Y character also looks like a J.

Trisha’s human transmutation circle just says Sorry Mom I’m sorry...

The circle for the Underground City is noted with To open the Gate?

The Grand Arcanum Philosipher’s Stone circle is labeled “Ishbalan?” and Ed has circled it.

AND THAT IT’S FOR THE NOTES, hopefully this is of some value to... someone out there, lmao.

[dontmesswithnerdangels]

Roleplay Preferences Sheet!

Please repost, do not reblog!  Feel free to add to any of your answers!  The purpose is to tell your partners about the way you write!  :)  For the multiple choice ones, bold all that apply and, if you want, italicize if it’s a conditional answer!

– B A S I C S –

NAME: Stefanie ALIAS(ES)/HANDLE(S): I also do Will Graham on savepuppywill, though I’m having trouble getting much interaction out there. ARE YOU OVER 18?  Yes / No IS YOUR MUSE?  Yes / No (Well over for both, except in select AUs) WHEN WAS YOUR BLOG ESTABLISHED?  This year. Recently.

– W R I T I N G –

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU WRITE WITH ON THIS BLOG? No (anyone) / Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people) / Private (mutuals only)

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU FOLLOW ON THIS BLOG? No (anyone) / Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people) / Private (mutuals only)

IF YOUR MUSE IS CANON, HOW MUCH TO YOU ADHERE TO CANON? Not at all / A little / Some / Mostly / Strictly / NA

(Admittedly I have my own headcanons and such, and in AUs my characters may be kind of different because of their differing upbringing, circumstances, etc, but generally I try to be as true to the characters as much as possible.)

WHAT POST LENGTHS DO YOU WRITE? One Liners / Single-Para / Multi-Para / Novella

(I prefer literate paragraphs with no weird formatting, but it depends on the thread.)

DO YOU USE ICONS AND/OR GIFS? No / Gifs / Icons / Yes 

(I will do one or two here or there if that’s your thing, but I find it kind of a pain, and prefer describing things through my writing.)

DO YOU WRITE ON OTHER PLATFORMS? No / Yes: Email

WHAT LEVEL OF PLOTS DO YOU WRITE? Unplotted / Open-Ended Plots (set up a meeting and see what happens) / Semi-Plotted (one or two steps ahead) / Fully Plotted Epics (plotted beginning, middle, and end) 

HOW QUICKLY DO YOU USUALLY RESPOND TO THREADS? Very Slow (more than a month) / Slow (3-4 weeks) / Average (1-2 weeks) / Fast (less than one week) / Very Fast (less than three days)

(Depends on school, life, mental health, etc.)

WHAT TYPES OF THEMES DO YOU LIKE? (feel free to add!) Fluff / Angst / Smut / Violence / Tragedy / Domestic / Family / Conversational

WHAT GENRES DO YOU LIKE? (feel free to add!) High Fantasy / Supernatural / Science Fiction / Historical / Horror / Comedy / Romantic / Drama / Action/Adventure / Espionage

ARE THERE ANY THEMES YOU’RE UNCOMFORTABLE WRITING ON YOUR BLOG? (not triggers) No / Yes: I don’t like writing straightbent pairings. (Like when only one character in a gay pairing is genderbent to make it straight.) That weirds me out because it strikes me as vaguely homophobic, and like, there are already so many straight couples on tv anyways...? I also don’t like shipping or writing real life people who are not characters, and sometimes I don’t like writing about mental health issues if that is done poorly or purely for drama, because as a neuroscience and psychology major who has dealt with these things herself, I am a bit sensitive about how those things are portrayed. 

I also admittedly prefer to write my characters as bottoming/subbing in the case of mature content, except in extremely rare circumstances. That’s just a writing preference, though, and has more to do with my writing abilities and comfort than anything... Technically I could see Cas being more of a switch. (Aziraphale maybe not so much.) 

DO YOU HAVE ANY TRIGGERS?  HOW DO YOU REQUEST IT TAGGED? No / Yes (Basically not. I have preferences, but writing is just writing to me. It’s more exploring ideas than promoting them or feeling them in my book.)

– S H I P P I N G –

WHAT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? Romantic / Platonic / Familial (canon) / Familial (OCs) (Except in very rare circumstances.)

WHAT TYPES OF PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? Romantic / Platonic / Familial (canon) / Familial (OCs)

(If it’s an OC or character from a different fandom, I’m going to assume our characters are strangers, unless previously discussed in some depth.)

DO YOU HAVE OTPS? No / Chemistry Only / Yes: Destiel and Az/Crow are almost my default, though I also ship plenty of other things. (This is mainly because I see those relationships as canon parts of the development of my characters, though I will work around those parts of their development in different ways for other pairings I like.)

DO YOU HAVE NOTPS? No / Yes: But very few of them? Like, I’m not gonna ship Cas with Claire, sorry. But I really can’t think of a lot of them.

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATION? Heterosexual / Heteroflexible / Bisexual / Homoflexible / Homosexual (Aziraphale)/ Pansexual (Castiel)/ Demisexual (both)/ Sapiosexual / Asexual (both)

I think both Cas and Zira (especially Zira?) do strike me as potentially somewhere on the asexual spectrum, which I would be willing to explore in threads, though I also often ship them as sexual.

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S ROMANTIC ORIENTATION? Heteroromantic / Heteroflexible / Biromantic / Homoflexible / Homoromantic (Aziraphale) / Panromantic (Cas) / Demiromantic (Aziraphale) / Sapioromantic / Aromantic (Aziraphale)

Castiel I see as pretty obviously romantic, Aziraphale I would be open to exploring as aromantic, though I usually think he could be romantic, with the right... er... demon. *cough* Crowley *cough*. Though I suppose that’s the only evidence we have of him ever having romantic feelings ever? And they are somewhat subtle. 

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WRITING SMUT? No / Selectively / Yes

IF YOU ARE 18+!!!

HOW EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP DO YOU SHIP ROMANTICALLY? Autoship / During plotting / After a couple IC interactions / Several IC interactions in / Slow burn / Never (not open to romantic ships)

(Only if the other mun is down for it, of course)

ARE YOU OPEN TO TOXIC SHIPS? No / Selectively / Yes 

(I love dark threads, yes please!)

ARE YOU OPEN TO PROBLEMATIC SHIPS? (incest, canon history, age difference, complicated, etc.) No / Selectively / Yes

(Once again. Dark threads. YES.)

ARE YOU OPEN TO POLYSHIPPING? No / Selectively / Yes

ARE YOU AN EXCLUSIVE SHIPPER? No / Sometimes / Yes

DOES CRACK SHIPPING EVER HAPPEN? No / Yes!

[basementadvco-blog]

The Mystery of Darkwood Down Part 2: Show me your Boot!

When we last left our heroes, they had discovered the Ancient Tome that can control the Seal of Magic…had been stolen, replaced by a harmless Frog anatomy book.

A few details to note, the book has the same symbol embossed on its front that was glowing on the Wolves outside. Knowing who those Wolves work for could give us some desperately needed context.

The character of Roseni seems like she’s getting pushed aside and not allowed to do anything. While yes, in context our characters wouldn’t want a 10-year-old poking around a dangerous room, the player isn’t sitting in time out…she’s a warlock, and I often see her passing notes to the DM as she reads people’s minds and communicates with her patron, so there’s still plenty going on.

We begin by giving the book a solid look over, as it’s the biggest clue we have. It’s a new book, but there’s no exact publish date, so no telling exactly when this book was bought. Still, we ultimately conclude that if we find the bookstores (the University in town sells textbooks like these, so that’s our most likely option) that sell this book, we can find out who purchased it recently, which could narrow our search.

There is a bit of dispute over how much we report to the mayor. Novem doesn’t see any logical reason why he would be trying to deceive us, but, he did send us on this highly important mission with basically no intel, so he’s yet to be a “trustworthy” source, so we agree to test him on what he knows. We do a quick survey of the barrow and find no other footprints. Meaning the book was stolen a while ago, it wasn’t stolen and this book IS the real thing, just disguised, or, our enemies have some nasty teleportation and/or levitation magic.

We make our way back to Darkwood Down, not encountering any disorientation magic or wolves or any obstacles on the way. Its daybreak by the time we get to the Mayor’s home. Gates lets us in and leads us to the Mayor’s office where he was working through the night. We knock…no answer…knock again…no answer…We call out to him…no answer…Roseni reaches out telepathically…and finds no mind to speak to.

The door is locked and Roseni’s mage hand can’t unlock it from the inside. Novem considers picking the locked door, and Luther decides to break through the door itself.

Inside we see the Mayor, dead, numerous wounds to the chest, and his head nearly shredded open. His face is so mangled he’s little more than lasagna.

His office is mostly untouched, save for a bookshelf that’s been broken and rifled through. Novem tells Gates to send for the police immediately, and enters the room to make sure no other assassins are hiding inside and that it’s safe to enter.

Phillip and Yukiko immediately enter the room to start examining the crime scene, and Luther trails behind only long enough to tell Roseni to stay outside and…don’t look into the room.

We spend a while in this room, searching for clues and hints. Among the many things we are able to determine the following.

The window was intact, but unlatched, a set of footprints in the snow walk directly underneath the balcony but did not seem to stop, and headed toward the work shed. The wounds on the body were too numerous and too rough to determine the kind of murder weapon, or even if that murder weapon was a blade, or a shadow demon wolf. A small, broken off piece of sharp metal was found in the Mayor’s nose, shaped like an exacto-knife or something similar. A trap door, unlocked by a switch in the desk, was between the desk and the window. It was undisturbed and unopened. Inside was a small box with a key inside. The key has the number “128” on it. The papers on the desks were rifled through, but any important documents are absent. The bookshelf was heavily disturbed. Short, dark hairs were scattered on one of the shelves, the same symbol on the book and wolves was scratched into the wall, and a single bootprint, stained into the floor with a hint of mud, was left behind.

We do our best not to disturb too much so that when the police arrive, the scene is still in a state where they can learn from it. The Frog book ends up being handed to Novem, while Philip grabs a history book from the shelf, because reasons, don’t worry about it.

Novem and Luther head outside and follow the footprints to the shed. Inside isn’t much, but there is a hedge clipper with some flecks of blood on it…although the blood is old, and not nearly enough to be the murder weapon, so we consider it a red herring. Following the footsteps to the balcony to see if a grappling hook might have been used, Novem asks Luther about his divine magic, how he can heal despite being an undead. Luther’s god of Justice, Tyr, apparently still grants him his power. Novem is grateful, and asks Luther to pass on that appreciation to Tyr.

At this point, the gardener shows up, thinking we’re suspicious looking and shouldn’t be here…can’t…blame him. If you saw the Terminator, and a knight with a plain, featureless helmet 1 size too small standing in the front yard…yeah, I’d call that suspicious. Novem explains the situation: the mayor was killed and they’re finding anything relevant while the police are on their way. The Gardener is…very nervous about us…since we’re not cops yet we’re poking around the crime scene. Again, can’t blame the guy. He runs off, clearly afraid of the kill-bot and the faceless knight who is starting to smell a little bit like dead person.

The police arrive, escorted by Gates and Not Gates (running gag, Phillip loves confusing people.) Officer White, and Officer Strunk show up to find out what happened. Yukiko and Phillip come up to meet them, while Roseni hides…under a bench…in an empty hallway. Such stealth.

Phillip talks circles around the police officers, demanding to see their boots, saying Gates is not gates, and they’re untrustworthy…Officer White isn’t having it and has Officer Strunk take our crew’s statements and send us on our way. That includes the tiny child hiding under the bench…

Novem and Luther arrive, and try to calm down the police before Phillip ends up in handcuffs (they tried to muzzle him with rope with surprising success), and we all go downstairs to give our statements.

Thankfully, we all give the same story, with different details exaggerated. Independently we all tell him what we honestly found in the room, while leaving out the trap door, and the book. We did say we were hired by the mayor to find the book, but we leave it out as to not distract the police from the murder investigation…obviously the two are connected, but this is a secret magic book hidden by a secret order so…they probably wouldn’t buy that story anyway.

Phillip has the bright idea to make a big deal about this history book, pretending THAT is the book we were sent to get. He gives it to the police when they ask, but wants it back, pretending like its super important. The police look through it, and see that it’s just some rare, well-made book on the history of the town.

We end our little interrogation with seemingly no suspicion from the police…if we need their help again, we’re going to have to dance around not sharing what we knew before, but let’s face it, we’re adventurers, if we need help from the local law enforcement, we are in deep anyway.

Novem wants to ask if Gates knows about the symbol we’ve been seeing. Phillip follows.

This is going to go well.

We find one of the Gates’ in front of the crime scene (the other is being questioned by Strunk). Novem asks and Gates says no, he doesn’t, and seems to be honest. Phillip starts to be Phillip, messing with people and Officer White angrily steps out of the office…to which Phillip demands to see her boot!

Oh boy.

She tries to grab his wrist to handcuff him. Misses. Tries again, misses. Throws a punch at him. Hits. Phillip still only has 3 HP after being healed from last night when Roseni knocked him out.

Novem explains there’s a footprint in the room and Phillip is eager to help, trying to find people whose shoes match the bootprint. Officer White is so done with this bird and sends them away. Novem scoops up the wizard and follows after the others, who are going to take Roseni to breakfast, before returning home.

Some roleplaying happens, and Roseni talks about Iggy, her “caretaker” who is the only one who can give her parents their “medicine” since all the other doctors who come by also get “sick” even though she doesn’t know what kind of healer he is.

Luther, being a paladin, offers to help heal her parents when they return to her home.

Oooh, this is going to be good.

Novem walks up with an unconscious crow wizard. Luther is annoyed. Novem explains that the police were more annoyed. Luther gives our wizard an irritated Lay on Hands

We left off there. Our DM is providing a big list of all the stores and shops and landmarks we can visit in the city, and it’s up to us to figure out how to investigate it. He didn’t have it printed off this time, but next time we’ll jump right in and get this investigation into full swing.

[nerdzgarage]

English Breakfast and tickets readied for impending weird and witty trip two. Go west we were told and west we went. Landing in the middle of the historic Santa Fe, New Mexico, bags stowed we meandered the downtown to see what they offered.

First to catch our eye was a big metal Crow sits above the word bar on the sign. The Crowbar seemed worth a look. We step in, and it could have been the late nighties with Nirvana playing, the red pleather booths, pools table and a distinct smell of an old local pub. The bar had no empty seats and looked like these folks were regulars by the tone and conversation. It was three in the afternoon. We decided to move on. The next storefront had a carnival barker out front, “Hey, don’t walk by. Give this to your girlfriend” as he hands me a coupon for a spa delight. I look at my husband with a smirk, and he barks back, “brought the wife this time.”

The next storefront had a young lady standing a podium with tiny purple liquid in shot glasses. Sounding like she skilled therapist, without pushing a narrative, she described that the drink was made inhouse, “Martini” with lime and pomegranate seeds – refreshing and immune-boosting. I asked if there was booze in it, and she answered plainly, no. As I swig my no booze purple martini, I wondered what else they offer. She went through the list; Nourishing Cocktails, Teas and Warm Elixirs. Pure Oxygen, Tarot readings… Da hubby starting to walk away and sees that I am still engaged with this unfamiliar conversation. Turning my head sideways and squinting a bit, ask Oxygen? They are an Apothecary and Oxygen Bar.

  Choose your own adventure time. You can choose to skip to the next paragraph and find us at the Georgia O’Keefe museum or stay at the oxygen bar for two hours.

The young lady (our new therapist) brought us to what was reminiscent of a long jewelry case from Kay’s and offered us two bar stools with a contraption that obviously Doc Brown misplaced and needed to get back to the future. Derek passed on the Oxygen even after she noted it was 95 percent pure hospital grade. Before handing me the nasal tubing for my nose, I was offered a variety of infusions for my Oxygen from CBD to Dragons Blood. I preferred for my Oxygen straight up. As it was an unfamiliar sight to see me attached to an oxygen device, hubby found it a bit disturbing. I did the full twenty minutes, and it absolutely cured my jetlag and headache. I would categorically pay for Oxygen again. After being served warm tap water (better for the body), we were asked what else we would like and as they say “while in Rome” we order avocado toast and Tarot card readings. Our reader arrived shortly, a polite young gentleman and described the process, and I went first. I shuffled the cards to put my energy on them and pick my cards. While this was happening, I was to think of questions for the cards.  We both sat stoically to offer not any clues. We occasionally nodded in agreement. Those who disbelieve start rolling eyes now, but his reading was spot on and not a generically broad answer, these were specific issues that have been occurring that I am trying to remedy. The broad strokes were, take care of myself first, trust what I can do when I start to delegate and focus, the universe will answer. I know that sounds universal; however, his detail was shockingly close to my reality. Derek’s reading was vastly different than mine but sprinkled with the precise advice. We ventured in as skeptics and left refreshed body and soul.

Santa Fe Oxygen Bar

Welcome back to those who skipped the last adventure. We are blissfully at the Georgia O’Keeffe museum. What a beautiful museum about such a fine spirited woman. Having only known of the large upscale flower paintings, I found pieces I was completely unfamiliar with such as the watercolors and shapes. She was complicated, cool, frank, and filled with self-reliance. Her life was so fascinating.

  Georgia Okeeffe Museum

  The original weird place – Meow Wolf was brought to my attention when we watched a series on Rooster Teeth, a favorite at Nerdz Garage.

Rooster Teeth is a pioneering media and entertainment company responsible for some of the biggest online series in history, such as the award-winning and web series, Red vs. Blue and RWBY.

The concept of the Weird Place series was if your friends went through a mysterious door and got lost in an alternate universe, would you come to their rescue? An adventure so unique and psychedelic that it could only come from a collaboration with the art collective Meow Wolf.

The Weird place

Sound fun? Did to me! The next adventure was on the docket.

What is Meow Wolf?

Meow Wolf creates immersive and interactive experiences that transport audiences of all ages into fantastic realms of story and exploration. This includes art installations, video, and music production, and extended reality content.

Opened March 2016 with support from Game of Thrones creator, George R.R. Martin. Inside, guests discover a multidimensional mystery house with secret passages, portals to magical worlds, and an expansive narrative amidst surreal, maximalist, and mesmerizing art exhibits.

Knowing some of what to expect from the series, I gleefully watched da hubby experience each fantastical room. But there was plenty that was new to me. You can go through the entire funhouse, trying to find clues of where they could be and why the disappearance. Literally, pull out drawers, read their journals, watch the TVs, etc. or go through the portals to the fantastical.  It seriously is one-part funhouse and one-part interactive theater with a bar. Experience Meow Wolf at least once in your lifetime. It is one of the most unique adventures. It’s hard to describe, and we do not want to give too much away, but once you visit it, you’ll know exactly what I mean.

Meow Wolf

The remainder of the trip was spent with the parents in Taos. My husbands’ parents are one of the kinds. His dad the onetime sheep farmer from Vermont, race car driver (looking like Steve McQueen), now spends his time at the Taos Neem Karoli Baba Ashram & Hanuman temple. He is beyond wise and filled with wondrous tales.

Derek’s mother grew up in Berlin during and after WWII and has written about those times in her book “After Bombs- My Berlin “and the book is flying off the shelves these days. It is an honest telling of that time. Then classically trained chef to entrepreneur and now a self-taught painter thriving in Taos.

We cherished the home cook meals from Heidi and sitting on their back porch watching the hummingbirds and bees dancing.

Heidi Smith Books

Heidi Smith CookBook

Taos Ski Valley

  The next day she took us to Taos Ski Valley to take the chair lift to the near top of the mountain. Just shy of 11,000 feet at where we hiked and some small patches of snow still clinging to the ground. I have never been up to that high, and it was breathtaking. A bit hard on the lungs since I am unusually at sea level.

Our last day we drove back to Albuquerque and had a few hours to kill before our flight and happenstanced into a pinball arcade that had award-winning tacos. What?? I know!

Sister Bar

It is, Sister Bar

The bartender did not lie, the food was inventive and yummy. The pinball ranged from old classics, ones we played when we courted and to the new.

I will write about that weird experience next time!

Till Next Time We When We Get Weird.

SuZann

Nerdz Garage

Weird Trip – Two English Breakfast and tickets readied for impending weird and witty trip two. Go west we were told and west we went.