#obito being obito but also tobi

[obitobi-simp]

Jonin obito Au but obito is still a freak

Imagen obito manages to free himself from madara by going inbetween that chidori and being there earlyer he get's coma but he lives

Memory ussus and a lot of CPTSD he's fine anyone woud think he's normal now but he isn't

He's legaly still dead cuz no one ABSOLUTLY NO ONE wants to deal with the absurd amount if paiper work so he legaly is still dead and he abuses the heck out of it and will bring it up every opertunaty he gets

Ppl don't notice he's a freak untill he starts open his mouth and say some wierd fucked up shit like as if he's talking about the waether

Obito: Yaeh the uchiha massacer was wild i got there in time to watch that shit go dowen i was so glad to always have popcorn in kamui

Sasuke : so you didn't nothing while this happned

Obito: sasuke pls i'd never and I didn't do nothing i sat there and watched it while eating popcorn and thinking ' damm didn't know bodys coud move like that'

Sasuke: WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD INSTAD

Obito : many reson ig ? I mean legaly speaking i actuly am dead alrady Oh also i can phase through things and can't realy kill what can't be hit yk

He has nughtmares about " an ugly stinky old witch very ugly and stinky"

Whoever thought giving him 3 genin kids to look after is just as mentaly deranged as obito but dw kakashi us there too cuz legaly it's his team and oh damage controll cuz obito get's urges to be an unhinged problem if he doesn't take his meds and therapy( his therapists need therapists and or are scared of this sweetie with 42 underling mental issus cuz ge's tottaly normal most of the time exept when he isn't)

He's very sweet happy and still a stalker but he has a heart of gold an wierd 10 tailed mini dog thing with 1 eye and a spiral thingy that showes up from time to time obito doesn't know what these things are or where they are from but since they pass the vibe cheack they can stay

Wierd shit happnes to him atlest once a week

Imagen this obito meets the other obitos somehow the convo they have in my head

They all magicly aper on the battlefiel of the 4th shinobi war

Jonin obito on the 4GNWW with other obito variation : WHAT THE HECK WHY DIES THIS WIERD SHIT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME I PROB STARTED A WAR IN MY PREV LIFE OR SOMTHING

White haired (unhinged completly lost it and gave up on sainaty) obito : uhh abt that So who wants to tell him ? 🙂

Tobi: ughh-

All obitos : SHUT THE FUCK UP TOBI NO ONE CARES

(Any obito): not only that (casuly lists all massacers and acts of terrorisem he comitted and or was involved in) 😐

Jonin obito : yaeh sounds like somthing i woud do in theses situations🤔 what why are you all I all ? staring

War arc obito : i fucking hate you go kill yourself or somthing 😠

Jonin obito : Hey what the heck did i do ? ALSO I'M YOU LIKE WTF ?!

White haired obito that got more sane after the war: well we coud just blame everything on trauma but thanx to you fucking asshole we now gotta face the realaty with the fact we are just inhersntly insane with or without being manipulated into it thank

Tobi : wow they hate you more then me

Silance...

Madara finaly : WHAT IN THE EORLD IS GOING ON ?! I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS?!

Jonin obito jumping on his AU kakashi shoulders : AGAAAAAA THE UGLY WITCH FROM MY NIGHTMEARS

The obito thst actuly was in the muddelvifxthe war he started (maby canon obito idk) : yaeh i have a question. My wuestion no 1 is why is other mes hair white ?

Anyone tbh but in my head it's either naruto or kakashi: THAT'S THE QUESTION YOU CHOSE TO ASK IN THIS SITUATION ? There are a lot of things that need answers and you chose to ask /focus on about your fucking haircolour ?! And not like why there are multiple diffret versions of you (and maby kakashi idk kamui shenanigans ig?)

Obito : hey that's a resonoble question cuz last time i cheacked my hair is black

Kakashi: AND LAST TIME I CHAECKED YOU WHERE DEAD

Jonin obito : if it helps i'm legaly speaking still dead

Any obito : that's on you honestly i'm suprised at the shit i got away with

kakashi : TFYM?

Any obito: wait so you actuly never noticed me sitting 3 meters behind you in a bush?

Another obito: or in your Apartment?

Anther obito : oh funny story i'm pretty shure he tottaly saw me that 1 time baised on eye contact but he prob thought i was a hallucination idk (was feeling bored and daering that day/night)

another kakashi apering and smaking one of the white haired obitos in the head with porn: WHAT THE HELL OBITO I LEFT YOU ALONE FOR 5 MIN ?!

That obito : i got bored okay

Kk eye twitching: realy ? You did ? WHEN I SAY DON'T COMMIT TERRORISEM ON THIS PLANET IT WASN'T AN INVITATION FOR YOU TO BECOME A SPACE PIRATE AND BULLY SOME ALIAN GODS (otsosuki) AND EHEN U SAY STOP BULLING ALIAN GODS IT ISN'T AN INVITATION FOR YOU TO DO THIS WHOLE TIMLINE MESSY THINGY LIKE HOW TF DID YOU EVEN DO THIS ? I WAS JUST ON THE TOILETTE FOR 5 MIN ?

That obito : in my defense your instructions weren't very clear and i was bored and i don't like boering why'the heck you think i started a war ? I was bored and wanted shit to finnaly happen

kakashi: DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO SPELL consequences?

Obito: . In all honesty you want to know a secret ?most of the shit i do is for keeping me intertained of cuz being " normal " is boering and i don't like boreing i only do the shit i know i get away with anyways it's no big deal but to answer you question it's C O N S E N T

Kks: WRONG that's how you spell consent but i'll let it slid cuz that's importaint too

Ob: realy ? I was messing up on purpose iym a genius

Kk: ...yaeh for that and not like idk inventing time travle but who cares clean that shit up and bring everyone of you back where you shoud be

Ob: i coud do that or Or hear me out i do it completly random and we are gonna watch what happened next ?

Kks: is this gonna affect or timeline in any way shape or form ?

Ob: no not all why ?

Kk okay fine 2 days then you have to make everything normal agin

Ob : only if you buy me dango

Kk: fine let's go get this done with

Litterly everyone completly baffled exepf obito

War arc obito : what ? I've seen wierder shit happen

N: LIKE WHAT COUD PSSABLY BE WIERDER THEN THIS SHIT THAT JUST HAPPEEN ?

obito ignores everything related to that trying to gaslight everyone that was just a filler episide

[deadmegumi]

Naruto and gai being like who gaf if it's obito we need to move and fight !!! while kakashi is having a full blown panic attack next to them is so awesome. nonchalant final bosses

[oh-no-its-bird]

Getting deep into the aus in my head rn. Ok so you know that genre of arranged marriage webtoons/novels that's like, "the crazy princess is forced to marry the brave knight by the king, who wants to punish the knight for some reason" and then the princess turns out to either not be crazy or to be amping up the crazy on purpose, probably in order to survive some dark shit happening in the palace?

Ok so like. That. Now make it obkk.

(I'm tempted to say mdtb but obkk just fit better, I think. But also like, shit make it mdtb too, I love this trope)

Now here's the thing; I think there's a super fun argument to be made on both sides for who gets what role.

Crazy prince Obito could totally play into his Tobi persona, which would just be cool symmetry. But also knight Obito could be so cool, just objectively. And it could be interesting to play with a crazy prince Kakashi who like, saw his whole family murdered in front of him and then played up the crazy act to avoid becoming next on the chopping block.

Im going to settle with a prince Obito, so now please buckle up for todays au:

"Crazy" prince Obito who isn't quite as crazy as he seems being forcefully married to war hero general Kakashi of the Hatake dukedom in order to humiliate the Hatake's,,

(this one is nearly 4k words, so we're putting a cut on it)

SO! Starting from the top!

The Hatake dukedom is basically the only power to rival our beloved evil king Madara's throne. Other than them, Madara is pretty much untouchable, so his paranoid ass tries to keep a pretty firm eye and thumb on them. Gotta make sure they remember to stay the hell in line, you know?

So Kakashi is ordered to go to war pretty young, possibly in an attempt to get the young heir killed and cut off the Hatake's at the knees. Only for some years later, Kakashi to pretty much singlehandedly win that war and return this super big war hero. Which is a big problem for Madara, because now the Hatake's have even more political capital. And again, his paranoid ass does not like the possibility of there being someone to rival him in power.

As it is, there are only 3 (living, conscious) Uchiha left.

Madara, who is king.

Obito, a bastard nephew of Madara, who is absolutely fucking insane and only ever let out a tight leash when his insanity amuses Madara. He's only lived this long because his stupidity amuses Madara sometimes, and because he's very clearly no threat to him

And Sasuke, Madara's.... technical spare, who is only allowed to live because of his resemblance to Izuna.

(And somewhere deep in the castle, there sleeps on one Uchiha Izuna, trapped in some sort of coma Madara can not wake him from)

All the other Uchiha were killed (we will return to this) including Itachi and Shisui

(Incidentally, among Kakashi's loyal companions he collected during his years at war, there are two dark haired boys who are so careful to hide their faces when in public. I'm sure there's no relation there.)

So! Kakashi returns from war and Madara is like 'shit, I need to stop this train before it gets too far off the tracks' and invites Kakashi to the palace to "reward" him for his service.

Only when Kakashi gets there, the "reward" he's given is that Madara has arranged a spouse for him— his famously insane bastard nephew.

Getting into the politics of this: Giving him Obito humiliates him in public + gives him a ticking time bomb for a wife + reminds him of his place + gets rid of Obito too, who Madara is probably sick of seeing at this point.

Plus if we like, lean into period typical homophobia or whatever, Madara giving him a husband instead of a wife has implications too. Madara says you will NOT procreate, the Hatake house will NOT have a heir, and if they do then they'll automatically be a bastard who will never have a mother.

Take this crazy guy as ur wife lmao get fucked have fun <3

He's ending the Hatake's and Obito's bloodline in one move, 2 birds with one stone!! He's so smug about this solution he's worked out.

Kakashi, obviously yk, is super offended and panicked and also doesn't even want to get married, especially not to the goddamn famously insane prince, but he cant say no to the king! So he's kind of just forced to bow his head and grit his teeth and say thanks as Madara is all smug and happy on his throne saying some shit about he can't wait for the wedding.

So yk, Kakashi brings Obito home and it's this whole fucking spectacle because Obito is freaking the hell out and acting like a total lunatic

The whole rug pool is that Obito isn't nearly as insane as he's acting. To be clear, Obito does have just a whole list of mental issues, and is genuinely incredibly unstable— he's just also playing it way, way up in order to protect himself from being looked at too hard by Madara.

And obviously, yk, he's suddenly thrown at Kakashi with pretty much no warning for either of them, and he doesn't know who the fuck Kakashi is, other than his reputation for being at war for years now. So he's gonna really crank up the crazy factor because it's the only way he knows how to keep himself safe— at least until he's gotten a better handle of Kakashi what the hell he's all about

Anyways just, Kakashi and his crazy wife Obito,,

Kakashi ofc eventually sniffs out that Obito isn't nearly as insane as he's acting, and Obito is able to act a little more genuine to what he's really like.

Meanwhile we also get lots of Sakumo content, who is around btw and acting Duke Hatake. Also Rin is around, probably as Kakashi's second in command. We also get team ro, who Kakashi collected while he was at war and act as his lill team and trusted confidants

I want to see Obito and Sakumo in particular interacting tbh.

The differences between Madara as Obito's hella abusive shitty uncle who would purposefully provoke and feed into his fits, and his new so much kinder father in law who takes even his best attempts of causing a scene and making a fool of himself with a slow blink and a calm demeanor,,,,,, ough,,

Obito experiences fatherly love for the first time in his life and promptly has several crisis's about it

Now! Rewinding a bit to focus back on Madara / Uchiha situations ->

Madara doesn't really have an official heir. Or he does, but it's Izuna. Who, if you remember, is in that coma.

Madara is deep in denial about the fact that his brother is NOT going to wake up. Get over it Madara, it's been 10 fucking years !!!

Like I mentioned before, Sasuke only got to survive because he looks so much like Izuna. Madara probably straight up calls him Izuna and makes him dress and act like his younger brother sometimes when he's in his worst mental states (it flip flops a lot)

Sasuke can't be around Madara when he drinks bc Madara mistakes him for Izuna and starts alternatively yelling at him for daring to leave him and crying messily all over him

Sasuke is technically heir, but not really. Madara will only ever refer to him as the spare— because obviously, Izuna is going to wake up some day. Obviously. Any day now.

Now obviously, Sasuke already has a big brother! Which Madara does not like. How is he supposed to project all his issues onto Sasuke as a younger brother if Sasuke already has an elder brother?

So like, Madara gets rid of Itachi because he doesn't want Sasuke to have a big brother figure in his life other than him, bc yk, Sasuke is his Izuna shaped stress toy to cope with the loss of his own brother.

Madara sends Itachi to the front lines of the war at like 13 to have him killed. But then Kakashi saves him (team Ro noises,,)

Itachi quietly disappears from the playing field and is written off w the countless unnamed dead, and Madara is satisfied. Meanwhile, a masked assassin joins Kakashi's inner circle,,

(In the castle, in the middle of his grief, an 8 year old Sasuke is told he can address Madara as elder brother)

"How did Izuna even fall into that coma?", I hear you asking. Well!

I am now sliding to u a doctor/mage/saint Tobirama who is somehow the reason Izuna is in his coma (maybe on purpose, maybe by accident)

But Madara can't kill him bc hes like. The best doctor he has. And he needs him to keep Izuna alive in his coma.

"Damn, well how did Tobirama get to be working for Madara?" I now hear you asking

Well! x2, We will now rewind even further, to Madara's childhood ->

Starting it off with: is it even a naruto au without a dash of "childhood friends gone wrong?"

Basically, when Madara was a kid, he got to be close friends with Hashirama. Only for Hashirama to be unwittingly used as a tool by his father, for Butsama to try and overthrow the king of the time, Tajima.

A ploy that nearly worked, Butsama managing to kill Tajima + all of Madara and Izuna's other siblings + most of the other Uchiha right in front of the boys.

At the last second, Madara, with the help of the family's advisor, Zetsu, managed to kill Tajima and divert his plans. But now most of the Uchiha were dead and they had a crisis on their hands.

Madara is put on the throne at like, 13 years old, with only Zetsu to really rely on because everyone else is fucking dead, defected, or suspicious as hell. (Which is why, even decades later, he remains so consistently paranoid of anyone who might have the power to rival the throne; ie, the Hatake)

Anyways. Boy king Madara with his spooky advisor Zetsu at his side.

Zetsu is that trope of a a super obviously creepy and evil royal advisors, you guys know the trope. He is hunched behind Madara's throne whispering into his ear

"Kill them sire,,, they disrespect you,,,"

He like helped raise Madara when he was a young so Madara is DEEP in his pockets. After all, after the Uchiha were nearly overthrown, he was the only adult figure Madara had to depend on.

(To be clear, Madara himself is a shitty person. Zetsu is his own brand of spooky evil guy, and yeah he's a terrible influence on Madara, but Madara has made his own shitty evil choices in this too.)

After everything settled down, Madara had to decide what the hell to do with the remaining Senju— including Hashirama and Tobirama, who were also now among the only survivors of their clan.

Hashirama never meant to betray Madara, but he still did, and for that Madara can bear to look at him or he'll begin to feel sick.

Madara ends up being unable to kill his old best friend (even as Zetsu urges him to do it), and instead just sends him off to some temple deep on the edge of the kingdom, under heavy guard, basically banished from everywhere else in the kingdom. Hashirama goes quietly.

Tobirama, however, he keeps. Forced to serve in the palace as a sort of doctor.

Put him in some sort of magic collar that means he can't disobey a member of Uchiha royalty or smthn fun and fucked up like that, it could be fun. Collar that man !!!!!

Its enchanted w an order like, "you must follow every order given to you by the king" and then later down the line (when Madara is inevitably overthrown) Madara tries to order Tobirama to do smthn, Tobirama just looks at him coldly and goes "you are king no more."

I think whether Tobirama put Izuna in a coma or not would be left intentionally vague. We never know. Not even I know.

Maybe it was an accident, and Madara can only assume the worst because of who his father was and his clear hatred of the Uchiha.

Or maybe it was on purpose, his intrusive thoughts finally winning out. He certainly doesn't seem to have much sympathy or regret for the fact Izuna's been asleep for a decade now

Now, pointing back at Zetsu and Madara

Zetsu is sort of just a generic shadowy advisor for Madara in this. He's running the kingdom behind Madara's shoulder, he just kinda gets to do whatever and thrives bc of it. Zetsu living his best life!!!

Everyone is suffering in some way EXCEPT for Zetsu, who is having a wonderful time

So like. Madara seeming convinced he'll never die. Bc Zetsu has been whispering in his ear ab ideas of eternal life and necromancy, telling him he can rule forever and use this newfound power to wake Izuna. (Which is also ofc why he has no real heir and doesn't seem too worried about it)

(Meanwhile in the bg Tobirama is being used for his research. He's… happy about this, actually. He's thriving, just a little bit. Madara lets him play with dead bodies. And yeah, it sucks he has to obey the bastards commands, he's given p much unlimited funds and just kinda makes cool taboo shit as he researches immortality. He still bitches ab it tho.

Maybe in the end, he'll drag Madara out from the dungeons by the scruff like hes a wet cat and says smthn vague ab how hes going to be calling the shots from now on, and they disappear into the night)

So anyways. Inhuman somehow vaguely immortal Zetsu— who's been running out on his immortality juice.

Maybe we can play w Kaguya and the Hatake clans involvement? Zetsu gets his power from siphoning off of Kaguya, but the Hatake's of these past few generations have been worshipping her too, so she no longer has eyes only for Zetsu— meaning he no longer gets as much power from her.

Which is also why he's pushing Madara to hit the Hatake's w the ban hammer, because he wants them out of the way so Kaguya will look his way again.

(Or at the very least, Tobirama can hurry up and inventory human immortality already so Zetsu can try out a new method)

If you wanna get extra fucky with it, we can go with a 'son of Kaguya' Kakashi au, and throw in even more fucked up moon goddess family drama. Kakashi has no idea he's even related to the moon goddess, but Zetsu is losing his fucking mind because he's no longer his mothers number one special little boy anymore

What even is an obkk au without heaps of family drama in all directions?

Ok so, rewinding back to where we were, with newly wed Obito and Kakashi ->

So, Kakashi has been at war for some years now and has a lot of shit to do and catch up on now that he's back. Including catching back up with his dad, who he hasn't been able to see for any longer than a week tops in years. Very emotional! Very fun! Madara is a bastard for keeping them apart

But specifically tho. Kakashi helping Itachi to reunite with Sasuke.

I mentioned before that Kakashi collected team ro while he was out at war, and each of them probably has some sort of mini quest to fulfil,,

Senju bastard Tenzo who maybe grew up in the same church Hashirama was banished to, but was eventually sent away by Hashirama who couldn't bear to see him live the same isolated life as him (and maybe feared that Tenzo would be killed if Madara heard there was a new mokuton user)

Itachi and Shisui, Itachi being sent away to die and Shisui being an Uchiha bastard who either Madara thought he managed to kill (but escaped the massacre of his own remaining family Madara would eventually pull) or who got sent away with itachi to die at war. And just them wanting to reunite with Sasuke, their only remaining family left, who they worry for every day that he's left alone with Madara.

Im thinking tho. Sasuke eventually somehow escaping on his own (before team ro can even try to sae him) and managing to get to the Hatake dukedom,,,, Kakashi and Obito end up basically adopting him, pass it on

Super emotional Sasuke and Itachi reunion my beloved,,, I want Sakumo to try and dad them both, it'd be fun. Sakumo is just dad-ing everyone in this au, he's so father shaped

Sasuke spending so many years alone w only Madara as his family and maybe a weirdly fucked up and distant uncle-ish energy Tobirama who he regularly sees Madara going out of his way to make his life miserable.

But also like, obviously: Sakura and Naruto. I bet those two helped him escape tbh

Uhh knights in training Naruto and Sakura who are so determined to protect their prince Sasuke (even as Sasuke tells them he doesnt need his protection)

What if Sakura is training under Tobirama in place of Tsunade? Could be fun, idk.

Where is Tsunade in this, is she dead? Was she ever born? Did Madara steal her from Hashirama to make her work in the castle? Could be fun,, on that note too, Orochimaru might be somewhere around here, working with Tobirama to unlock immortality for Zetsu/Madara (*cough* himself *cough*)

Anyways, knights Sakura and Naruto who enter the palace so starry eyed for their beloved king Madara and prince Sasuke,,, only to slowly realize this is NOT the fluffy sparkly fairytale they thought this was going to be.

Im thinking narusasusaku energy where Sakura and Naruto are being silly and competing for their beloved, closed off ice prince's attention, alternating between fighting each other for Sasuke to look at them and teaming up to get rid of potential rivals

Meanwhile Sasuke is looking on at these fucking idiots blatant attempt to throw themselves at him in that way that only kids can, alternating between being annoyed and exasperated and trying to hide how amused he is. They are one of the only bright spots in his life ,,,

Madara doesn't even really have a reason to fuck Sasuke over w them tbh, honestly he might even encourage it just bc they're knights in training and he wants his spare to be well protected (against everyone but him lmao)

Madara is shitty but Sasuke is in this really weird position where he's probably the safest from him. Beccause, you know, Izuna. There's a lot of emotional abuse there and incredibly unhealthy dependency from Madara's end, projecting Izuna onto Sasuke. But for the most part, Madara dotes on him. Because, again, Izuna. Though there's also probably a certain amount of genuine fondness Madara has grown for him

He only really gets violent if it looks like someone will try and take Sasuke away from him (particularly in a familial way, which is what got Itachi (almost) killed)

Naruto and Sakura are deemed safe by Madara because they too are under his control, and every prince does need a good knight.

He might even think their not so well hidden crushes would be good for him, because that way he can count on them to ruin any of Sasuke's future romantic prospects for him. And if Sasuke ends up getting with his knights, he will never have a reason to leave the castle, even once he's an adult. A win win for Madara!

Madara approaching Sakura and Naruto both, telling them he thinks theyre just soooo good at being knights and, obviously you know, as their king he will hope they give him lots of updates about Sasuke.

Both Sakura and Naruto are super starry eyed and all for it at first, but Sakura quickly realizes that Madara is asking them to spy on Sasuke for him.

Sasuke himself is not surprised and probable expects it. This is what Madara has done with every single other person that he's ever looked at longer than 3 seconds.

There is a reason Sasuke has no friends, and it's not just because he doesn't want any. That one time when he was 9 and he told his playmate that he missed his big brother and hoped he would come back soon, only for Madara to later drag him out of bed in the middle of the night, scream at him and threaten to send him to die on the front lines with his brother if he really wanted to be with him so bad— well, that kind of gave him trust issues. Understandably.

Thinking also that over the years, while Kakashi was at war, Madara was keeping Sakumo from going to see his son by claiming he needed him close to the palace. So, like, Sakumo interacting with Sasuke on and off over the years,,, just this occasional figure of stability Sasuke is never supposed to talk to for too long,, this man he knows Madara is scared of, who feels so warm to him.

And Sakumo, missing Kakashi so much, interacting with Sasuke thinking about how 'my son was this small, when your uncle sent him to die' and nearly crying about it later.

Anyways just sasusakunaru,,, prince sasuke and his two knights who enter the castle at like 12, starry eyed and fulled of hope— but slowly becoming disillusioned as they realize what kind of life Sasuke is really living.

Them going from swearing to protect their prince with all the strength and surety of a couple of hopeful kids with big dreams— to really, genuinely meaning it, and eventually helping him escape from Madara's hands.

And then ofc them fleeing to the Hatake dukedom, where Sakumo and Kakashi give him sanctuary and he gets to see Itachi again. Who, by the way, he thought was dead and had NO idea was here. Yayy!

Anyways!

Endgame of Kakashi and Obito overthrowing Madara and tossing him into the dungeons. Tobirama ends up dragging Madara out of the dungeons and they disappear into the night together, never to be seen again. (with the implications of a sudden very sharp shift in power between them something to think about off screen)

Sasuke becomes king bc neither Kakashi or Obito wants the throne, and rules with his trusty knights (and partners) Naruto and Sakura.

Obito is happy being a trophy wife for Kakashi, this is actually his ideal ending (after the horror and stress of adjusting to this new unknown life)

Sakumo meanwhile gets to be godfather of the first sasusakunaru kids and swears to protect the Uchiha family for as long as he can

The end, or something

[obitobi-simp]

also we need obitos instabilaty and urge to cause problems like this mf can't sit still when he is bored and has nothing to do he will make it somone elses problem (that being kakashi or naruto and sasuke)

Let this man be his inner child you can't tell me he hadn't had fun acting like tobi

Give me filler of him pranking ppl and bulling the mizukages simply cuz he can

Let this man play with cryon one moment and kill somone with it the next moment

Obito should have survived. Not for the plot but for entertainment purposes. I want to see filler episodes of him and Kakashi going to the store, cooking together. Bickering away like an old very dysfunctional married couple. One of whom has ptsd and the other causes it I won’t be clarifying who is who.

[uchihaharlot]

Yandere Uchihas with an innocent S/O who doesn't know that he wants to baby trap the S/O.

I think that when an Uchiha wants to get you pregnant… there’s really nothing in the way of stopping them, that being said.

NSFW; Uchiha’s pumping you full of their hot sticky baby batter; Madara breeding; Obito ignorantly blissed; Shisui manipulation; Itachi sexual coercion.

Madara:

lol. This ain’t a baby trap for him. Your body was designed to specifically carry his offspring. Plus it’s the Warring States Era… everyone was fucking without protection. And that includes when Madara has you bunched up beneath him.

He’s not really shy about this either. While sex talk is hot as hell, Madara makes no laughing joke about how fucked out and stuffed full of his genes and babies you’ll be. You’re the perfect woman and you need to be his flesh light. His baby factory, so to speak. Bred until you can hardly breath.

And ma’am, he’s rough when fucking your overly used cunt. Day after day of incessant breeding, him hitting it all the way to your cervix when he cums to make sure his swimmers are close as close gets to your womb. Excellent thing you’re a good little girl and take it all night. The sheets get changed regularly since you have about six or eight loads pumped into you and each load gets fucked out as the other is pumped in. It also takes Madara a looong time to cum inside of you, so you’re basically cumming several times, prepping his cock to empty itself. He just really enjoys seeing how overstimulated you get and how that pussy massages his cock dry. ‘Just a bit more little bird…’ And it sounds so sweet to your exhausted self, but he’s so menacing when it comes to it.

Obito:

I hate to say this but if there were ever an unfortunate enough Uchiha to get baby trapped…. It’s this man here. Our poor Obito is a bit too trusting and a little dense at times. But like, sex feels so so good and he’s touched starved. So when you sit on his fat cock for the first time and fuck him stupid. Any and all sexual education he did have, is wiped free from his mind. You just feel so good in his lap, so wet and warm on his aching length. Especially when you own him this way, Obito can’t think.

Tobi, is a good boi. And if you tell him that, he’s gonna burst fast and heavy in your plush velvety walls without a care. It’s just feels so damn good for Obito to actually cum inside of you, and since he’s rarely sticking his cock often in anyone. He won’t feel the slightest bit nervous when you joke about wanting a little Uchiha in you because, well, it’s hot as fuck. So as many times as you want, he’ll coat your insides until gravity works against his cum and it drips out of you as you ride him through each of his and your orgasms. Which it’s safe to say that if you’re cumming, he is too.

Shisui:

He didn’t really want to do this to you. I mean, yes he wants everyone to see that cute belly of yours cradling his Uchiha baby but also… he knows you’re not entirely ready. So Kotoamatsukami for you, miss. You are none the wiser since Shisui doesn’t even need to look you in the eye while using his ultimate technique. This is a very egregious act and an abuse of power. Shisui justifies it because you have talked about children of your own. Just not making them yet. Shisui, I think, has a heavy conscience over it but when you’re whining for him to fuck a baby in you because your mind has been inundated with thoughts of his hot cum. It’s a non issue in that moment.

Palms splayed all over your stomach when you both cum. Admiring the flat of your stomach and visualizing how plump and delicious you’ll look with his growing seed. Holding your hips roughly when you squirm from being so taut and full of his cock pumping you raw and full.

You just look so sexy like this. Begging him for an Uchiha baby, even if it is manipulative, Shisui is in heaven. ‘Please, Shisui…’ is your vocabulary for the next few hours. This is his passion now. Shisui gets really into filling your soft hole with his seed, very desperate soft whines each time he cums inside of you. That much closer to his goal . If you end up squiring on him, well that’s another two loads to make up for the one you washed out. ‘Tisk, there goes all my hard work, baby. You need more now…’ Gods, his sex out voice is so low and hoarse too 🥵

Itachi:

Any sort of insolence on your side about having his baby is just ending with you tossed into Tsukuyomi. You should have agreed with this man from the get go. Though you might think this is a safe zone for acting out his deplorable behavior. He will fuck you into submission until your willing and eager for it. Just throws you in there and locks the key until he is done. Fucking you senseless until you are in agreeance of him cramming your insides with a baby. It takes only three seconds for him to coerce you from an outside perspective, but yet it’s been nearly a lifetime in there for you.

Consider yourself more fortunate with his good graces if you end up in this situation, agreeing and whatnot. Itachi is persistent when it comes to actually making sure you fall pregnant. Though he doesn’t believe that the more loads of cum you take in a single session actually makes a difference. He will breed you for the novelty of it. It’s just been one of those things whispered in the shadows and plus. It feels so damn good having you whining underneath him this way and hey, yea. Baby making sex is hot as hell. So you really are wanting this. Itachi is typically a soft lover. Very sensual, but like this? Now you know why he was so desperate for your cooperation. The man is insatiable and ends up cumming several times over, especially when he sees how into it you are. How quick you climax the first time he raws you. 🫠

[cosmic-glow]

Request: "May I request soft akatsuki headcannons for a reader who loves to bake and cook? It's a passion of mine, and a great stress reliever! There's nothing I won't try and try to make!"

Notes: First of all, I'm sorry it took me so long to respond 😭 I also like cooking and I completely agree with you! I hope you like what I wrote, good reading!

"Are you hungry, love?"- Akatsuki

Warnings: no pronouns; no use of "y/n"; pure cuteness. Gender: Soft Headcanons. Characters: Itachi; Kisame; Deidara; Sasori; Kakuzu; Hidan; Zetsu; Tobi/Obito; Pein; Konan.

Itachi Uchiha

He always offers you help in the kitchen.

He is very picky when cooking for someone but is easily satisfied with whatever you cook for him.

He feels obligated to return the favor by cooking for you too. That's why he took charge of breakfast, always waking up before you to prepare what you like.

Likes hot foods and pasta. Loves handmade sweets.

He prefers traditional foods, but accepts trying new flavors when he's with you.

He loves going out to buy new ingredients with you, he knows a lot about the subject and would be of great help.

Kisame Hoshigaki

You know that popular saying that the best way to conquer a man is through his stomach? It applies very well to this man.

He likes to be spoiled with food and will be grateful for it so.. please cook for him.

His heart feels warm when he comes home and smells something delicious you are preparing.

He likes foods with a sweet and sour taste, and he loves meat. He also loves sweets, so it's not hard to please Kisame.

He loves trying new flavors with you. If you want, he'll even help you in the kitchen, but he's not very good (he's a bit clumsy).

He'll find a way to say thank you, whether it's washing the dishes, giving gifts, taking you out to eat, all of the above, whatever you prefer.

He's the kind of guy who would eat what you prepared even if it was completely burnt if he knew you put effort into it.

Deidara

He likes fast food, but is very happy when you cook for him.

Thanks to you, he's starting to eat more healthily, because he has a childish palate and is very resistant to exploring new flavors.

He likes spicy foods because are like an explosion in the mouth.

"I have to say, honey, your cooking is an art!" - he says with his mouth full when he really likes it.

One of his favorite moments of the day is when you're eating something you've prepared or he's bought, watching a movie and talking about anything.

It's something very simple, but if you make a cake just for him on his birthday, he'll feel so loved that he might even cry a little.

(Sometimes he brags to the other members about having such a skilled s/o in the kitchen).

But please keep this boy the hell away from the kitchen! When I say he's a complete chaos cooking, it's because the kitchen almost always explodes! Literally!

Sasori

He often forgets that he still needs to eat due to his puppet body, so he's grateful that you remind him. He still needs to eat a little every now and then to ensure a bit of vital energy or something.

And yes, that was the lie he invented to not disappoint you. And regardless of whether you believed it or not, he always eats your food, even though he knows how much work it will take to clean his insides afterwards (don't worry, he'll probably come up with something to solve this).

Understand, he lied because he knows how important cooking is to you, he sees how much you work at it, but had the misfortune of being with a guy who doesn't need to eat… but he couldn't risk hurting you for something that's his fault.

Sasori only eats your food and no one else's, no matter how much they insist.

He likes foods with strong spices, he no longer feels flavors in the same way as when he was a human.

At the end of every meal, he politely thanks you for the delicious food and offers to help with the dishes.

Kakuzu

He likes hot, very hot, and traditional foods. Doesn't like sweets.

He's great in the kitchen and sometimes cooks for you too, as a thank you. Kakuzu has many years of experience in the kitchen, take the opportunity to ask questions and get some tips, he may not show it but he really likes to help you.

Maybe you don't know, but Kakuzu practically never eats out, he knows that some people want him dead and could easily poison his food. So for him to eat everything you prepare without hesitation is really a great show of trust.

He is very silent while eating, but he doesn't mind if you want to talk about your day, he will be listening to every part.

He really appreciates your food, getting involved and asking about the spices you used, how you prepared it, he really likes it when you test a new recipe.

Always at the end of every meal he thanks you for the food and gets up before you to clear the table and wash the dishes, a silent way of thanking you.

Hidan

Spicy and crunchy foods and sour desserts, it's true heaven for him...

As incredible as it may seem, Hidan is very picky about his food, it's unbearable to go out to eat with him, it seems like he always makes a point of finding some flaw.

But it's the total opposite with you, he eats everything you prepare without complaining too much, just teasing you a little as always. Except if he is angry with you for some reason, then he will be impossible, no matter what you prepared, he will not eat it.

Hidan has a very annoying childhood palate, so don't force him to eat something he doesn't really like, like vegetables for example.

You'll probably have some arguments about him drink any kind of blood but not wanting to eat the soup you made (for example), but it won't change anything.

Whenever you enter the kitchen, Hidan follows right behind to find out what you're going to prepare and also because he loves to annoy you while you're cooking. He tickles you, bites you, hugs you, kisses you and even steals some utensils to disturb you before you kick him out of the kitchen.

Zetsu

He likes meat a lot, in fact you thought it was the only thing he could eat.

He is very impatient and even hugs you trying to convince you to let him eat before you finish.

"I don't care that it's not ready yet and it's raw, I'm hungry, love. Let me eat it just the way it is."

Not a very good critic of your recipes, he will eat literally anything you put in front of him and thank you for it.

You are the one who teaches him to have a more refined palate and he loves trying new flavors with you.

Zetsu grows a vegetable garden just for you, with everything you need fresh and tasty for your recipes.

Tobi/Obito Uchiha

Tobi >loves< sweets, make sweets for him and you'll have him curled up in the palm of your hand.

Both Tobi and Obito don't like spicy food.

He feels so loved when you cook for him <3 (a tip: prepare ramen for him when he's sad, it'll make him feel better).

Whenever he comes home early he brings you some sweets he bought at the bakery as a treat.

This is another man who is very easy to win over with his stomach. He'll feel very special if you tell him you've prepared something just for him. Make him your guinea pig for new recipes, he really doesn't mind and always gives you great feedback.

He always offers you the first bite out of respect, he is as happy to see you eating and talking about how tasty it is as he is to eat something you prepared.

Pein

Pein went through long periods of starvation as a child, so as much as it may seem, he isn't very picky about what he eats.

Likes hot and spicy foods. Hate sweets.

He is a great fan of your food, even if you've accidentally burnt it or overdone the seasoning, he'll be happy to eat something you've lovingly prepared.

Due to his work as leader of Akatsuki, he often forgets to eat properly. It's you who show up at his office and remind him to eat, with something you've prepared in hand, he's really grateful for your care.

He is always attentive to your needs. Did you like a cuter utensil kit than the ones you have? Are your. Wanting new seasonings? Suddenly they appear in your pantry. Everything you need.

Pein always makes it clear how he likes you to cook but that he doesn't want you to be overwhelmed with it, so he does everything to make this task easier for you, including ordering something from restaurants for you to eat and enjoy your free time together.

Konan

He likes mild sweets and, ironically, spicy foods. (Please make sweets for Konan, she likes a lot).

She will always feel like she is bothering or burdening you when you cook for her.

Konan isn't that good in the kitchen, so she's grateful to have a s/o who cooks so well. Sometimes she watches you cook to try to learn something, in an attempt to return the favor one day.

Buy a lot of sweets for you and make a point of always keeping your pantry well stocked so you don't have to worry about buying ingredients.

As I said, Konan doesn't like to burden you, so very often she takes you on restaurant dates.

Konan loves the culinary tours you plan, she could listen to you talk for hours about techniques, recipes and ideas. She loves seeing how excited you get talking about it.

Sorry for any typos;

Buy me a coffee?

Masterlist

[obitobi-simp]

if he had gone to acting school instad of ninja wizard school

Everything (and I do mean everything) that Obito does can be reduced to a love of roleplay

[joltai-showa]

still thinking about Obito's tendencies to hang upside down so why not talk about something even more funny

now Obito is obviously trolling the Konoha squad in that moment, acting like a complete idiot and weirdo and all, usual stuff for Tobi. Obito is being a weird little bat on purpose, it's all an act

you know who among Akatsuki, a very scary and a totally serious organization, also acted like a weird little bat, but without it all being an act?

allow me to introduce you to the final page of chapter 238

Kishimoto, why is Deidara's first appearance is him being upside down during Akatsuki's zoom meeting?

(which is supposedly the first one in 7 years since Orochimaru ditched them, but whatever, no fucking way these guys can remain semi-organized without a good old online meetup, I do not care for canon's opinion when it conflicts with my funny headcanons)

But seriously, it's been almost 10 years since I read the manga for the first time and there's still no explanation as to why Deidara did that LMAO. Logic dictates that it's simply Kishimoto not finishing up the designs for his new villains (rinnegan's design wasn't finalized until, like, Akatsuki Supression arc, I believe? there's someone TOWERING over Kisame who is 195cm already and at the end of the day remains Akatsuki's tallest member, etc etc), but I've got a PhD in overthinking Naruto details and turning them into shitposts that sometimes also turn into fanfiction, so I will take this one tiny detail and make myself laugh until I cry.

To me this moment is just so precious because it's actually a scene from OG Naruto, meaning that it's pre-timeskip, so Deidara here is only 16. And this just proves to me that Deidara's puberty (there is no exact indicator as to when Deidara was abducted recruited into Akatsuki, but I assume it happened sometime when he was 12, because during his recruitment we see Itachi (and we know that he joined Akatsuki after the massacre, so he was 13 and he's got a 2 year difference with Deidara), Kisame (who, judging by his pre-death flashbacks, joined AFTER Itachi, meaning some time had to have passed since the massacre) and Sasori (who wouldn't have a partner after Itachi joined because Orochimaru just couldn't resist trying to get that Sharingussy, but Akatsuki don't operate on their own in general, so I doubt Sasori would have been left without a partner for a long time, a year max) and during this zoom meeting 16-year-old Deidara speaks like he's very much aligned with Akatsuki's goals and grudges which would be very weird if he joined them against his will just recently, so a year or more would have to pass between Deidara's recruitment and the OG Naruto zoom meeting) was arguably one of the worst things that organization as a whole had to go through because teenage Deidara was JUST BUILT DIFFERENT.

Don't mind the fact that even as an adult he starts tweaking if he doesn't get to explode something every few hours (I would imagine that teenage rage and angst would only exacerbate this issue), but he would also just want to "look cool" and wouldn't listen to anyone in any position of authority AT ALL. Going back to this scene of Akatsuki's zoom call, we can see (and for certain characters assume because once again designs here are kind of wack) that these overly serious members like Pain, Konan, Kakuzu and Sasori are PRESENT and just... don't do anything about Deidara's antics? They just gave up at some point LMAO. And a while ago, I presume.

16-year-old Deidara, proud and puffed up as a lion: You can stay on the ground as boring old men you are, but I'm going to hang upside down today, hm!

Pain, the acting leader of this very serious and lethal organization that for some reason took in a 13-year-old and a 12-year-old because, I dunno, the real leader thought it would be funny, sighing: okay, Deidara...

I also don't believe that it was ever specified how Nagato's zoom jutsu works, but I think Akatsuki's members simply sit in whatever position they want and their projection is different from their actual position which means that. yeah. Deidara does a bat cosplay. because he wants to. baby why are you like that.

but I also like to imagine Deidara actually hanging on the ceiling during the meetup and the gang just going

Pain: Sasori, can't you grab a mop or something and swat him off of there?

Sasori, in the most dead inside voice imaginable: you are not paying me enough to do that. in fact, you would not last a minute in the asylum I'm living in. you can't give me 40 minutes of peace, can you?

honestly props to Onoki for finding a way to both continue using Deidara's skills for his goals (by just fucking paying Akatsuki and calling it a day) and keep the village intact, teenage Deidara just seems like the trial version of what Akatsuki members could expect on their missions. like, if you can't manage the stress of dealing with the (pony)tailed beast, you have no business trying to fight an actual tailed beast.

I'm also thinking that adult Deidara aka Shippuden Deidara would think himself really cringe for doing this shit when he was younger and feels kind of embarrassed in front of the other members (who unfortunately besides Hidan were there to witness his cringe bat phase of growing up in your local terrorist daycare organization), so he's pretty quiet during the zoom meetings when we get properly introduced to him.

That's, of course, until Deidara gets partnered with Tobi.

I can imagine the two of them competing who can last longer hanging upside down and now Pain really can't do anything to stop this bullshit because it's his actual boss and his clueless partner making their own bat nest during their zoom meeting. He just tiredly glances over at Konan who gives him a "I told you Yahiko was right and we shouldn't have joined forces with this guy, but when do you ever listen to me" look.

The gang would be discussing something like Kakuzu and Hidan brutally murdering Asuma (who's Obito's classmate btw and whose mother he already killed a while ago) and trying to steal his corpse to sell for some cash and in the background above them Tobi'll be yelling something like "senpai, watch what I can do" and start turning cartwheels on the ceiling.

tl;dr Obito and Deidara match each other's freak when it comes to doing weird shit for no apparent reason other than to fuck with everyone while on the job. thanks for coming to my TobiTalk

[r--kt]

Good boy Tobi. Why is he acting this way?

"oh yeah, it was just Zetsu" a-ha, not even close. here I'll talk specifically why Obito resorts to roleplay, and why he is comfortable with the images of Madara and Tobi. (obviously because it's not being himself but let's dig deeper)

contents | responsibility · regrets · a sense of control · conclusions

Vol. 31 CH. 280. Tobi's first appearance.

sure this looks like another defense mechanism that allows Obito to avoid reality, especially when interacting with people. full coverage, imitation of someone else's voice, name change, personality change etc. his clothes literally look like armor, and I'd like to think that hiding and protecting himself "just because it feels right" is exactly the point (no need in armor, he's intangible, so that's a psyche). the very way he completely depersonalizes himself shows that on a subconscious level he is not comfortable being in the conditions he finds himself. this alone may indicate that he is not very happy with his position of a faceless world saviour. and this is his first damn appearance.

Tobi is another manifestation of Obito's escapism, which is the central theme of his story. I have identified three advantages of using Tobi's image for Obito, and all of them will be described below. maybe you'll find some more, feel free to reblog and add your thoughts!

Responsibility

escapism is just stress-relieving. for him, the roleplay was a way to relieve tension from the responsibility that he had imposed on himself. "no one in the whole world can do it except me" must be really exhausting. so what if I just don't be myself for a while? what if I be the one who can make a mistake? it's important to be frivolous and let things go sometimes, otherwise the psyche will be disturbed even more. so, that's the first advantage, that allowed Obito not to go completely crazy.

Regrets

CH. 652

as I said, Obito is not very happy with his position. even though he believes that tsukuyomi plan is correct, this doesn't negate that he is unhappy to fulfill it and suffer the hardships because of it.

during the war, we can see that Obito really regrets that he hadn't live his life the way he could, with his friends and dear ones. he began to ask questions: "could I have a better life?" "who have I become?" "who does my friend see me as?" these feelings burst out only at the culmination, before that they were deeply suppressed, with the help of detachment from reality, which Obito achieved mostly thanks to the image of Tobi. a ridiculous stupid guy who talks nonsense and does not pretend to be any role other than a comic relief. another personality allows Obito to distract himself from the real problems, which he can't reconcile.

CH. 281 idk what an idiot. love him.

in order to avoid all these dangerous thoughts for as long as possible, he came to this escapist behavior. it is not only a convenient tool for manipulation (I'm not really touching on that in this post, though it's important too), but it also distracted him from all his regrets. though, it's funny that he still chose orange and purple colors that probably reminded him of the past.

A Sense of Control

it seems to me that this is the most important reason to pretend to be either an inept, complaisant fool or a legend of the Shinobi world. why these two extremes?

many events in Obito's life showed him that no matter how he acts, he will still be punished, which means he personally has no control over anything. during the exposition, he is late helping the old ladies, but Kakashi condemns him no matter what. during the first turning points, he commits morally correct actions in order to end up first being mutilated and isolated, and then lose the most precious (and only) thing he really had: friendship with Rin and Kakashi. in the end, he does not even have control over his own body until he learns to control the mokuton and gets used to the constantly breaking off or deforming limbs. Madara and Tobi appear as other personalities who are able to achieve control under certain conditions and give Obito the necessary mental stability.

CH. 460

Madara is the epitome of control. the ghost of the Uchiha clan, the fear of which is alive many years after his death. by taking on a character who has more control than Obito did in real life he might feel quite cathartic and empowering, and it offered him a sense of emotional security (the mask helps with it physically, the personality and famous name — mentally).

while Tobi, besides an attempt to make up for lost childhood, is a demonstration of "the lowest standards" so that for once in his life, he did feel that he always met expectations, that more was not required of him. he's incompetent, he messes up, he's irritating, and therefore others don't expect anything else from him. yes, Tobi is judged and punished, but Tobi is not trying to be praised, so his own expectations are not broken.

CH. 359

Madara's personality is convenient because it's dominant, it controls others, inspires them with a certain fear and submission. Tobi's personality is convenient because with its help Obito choose to show fear and submission himself whenever he wants, that is, it does not become an unexpected blow for him. I would add that similar mental mechanisms work in many types of traumatic experience (not talking about his sexual deviations like moderate sadomasochism yet, the man is clearly traumatized).

does it all work? obviously, yes. there's no point in explaining that this whole Madara thing worked perfectly. Tobi, although condemned by Deidara, is at the same time accepted and encouraged by him a bit, simply because it is pointless to expect anything from him. however, this works as long as the fictional personalities do not overlap, as long as others believe in the reality of both.

CH. 396

another interesting topic is that Obito himself began to mix these personalities and demonstrate the falsity of one, which deprived him of the very opportunity to avoid reality (Madara clearly reminds him more of the responsibility on his shoulders than Tobi) and relieve the constantly increasing stress. therefore, starting from the moment when "Madara" shows that "Tobi" was just a cover, Obito loses the advantages of Tobi's image, suppressed regrets gradually surface, stress accumulates, the sense of control disappears for lack of any new personality other than his own (which has problems with control). and all these consequences falls on him during the war.

Conclusions

the reasons for this defense strategy appeared in Obito due to his low self-esteem, which was facilitated by the following. the early death of Obito's parents was most likely at the age when he was too young, and therefore psychologically this loss was fixed as "I was left because something was wrong with me. I can't be loved naturally, I need to deserve it first". because of that there was a constant attempt to be better, to reach the level of a genius opponent, who not only shows with all his appearance that you are not enough, but also constantly pokes you in your own shit like a puppy. and that's not the only situation where you're not that good. there's a lot, actually.

such an environment forms an attitude "to get recognition, I need to try harder than anyone else, because something is wrong with me". subsequently, this attitude is transformed into a new one: "I cannot get recognition in any case, which means I will achieve recognition, respect, attention through pretending and forming other personalities". and that's how Tobi appeared.

I don't even know what to add at the end. it's just great that you can see the depth in Obito, even when he's acting like a moron. here's some admiration for this silly guy

[big-lotus-energy]

yknow i really am trying to avoid spoilers for naruto, but of course with being on naruto tumblr and interacting with stuff on here things slip through eventually - but i really think having some vague spoilers on obito made tobi's introduction like 99% better. I knew he would be coming back as a villain and would have that mask. I assumed he'd be scary and intimidating and powerful and instead. instead this little guy is here now. i think i was cackling for a good minute when i saw him. he could not be further from what i expected. i will also cry if something happens to him now. that's my little guy now i love him.

[nohara-rin-dot-mp3]

okay okay so hear me out i think that for the most part queerness in naruto falls into 3 categories: accidental, comedic, and villainous, none of which endorse it. comedic and villainous queer-coding actually condemn queerness. not to say that interpretations leaving behind the narrative's biases are flawed, i'm just pointing it out (its a surprise tool that'll help us later). also probably goes without saying but those these kinds of queer-coding aren't unique to naruto.

accidental queer-coding is just that- accidental. queer sexuality is typically a result of the naruto narrative hating women and therefore repeatedly centering male + male relationships, a bit of pandering in some cases (although imo this really only applies to the anime), and a bit of fandom amatonormativity. basically, stuff like naruto and sasuke, where their lack of chemistry with women and continual fixation on each other can easily be read as romantic. queer gender appears less often so i haven't been able to nail down the underlying narrative structures that cause it, but i'm talking about stuff like tenzo/yamato, where he's often read as transmasc due to that anime filler arc that can easily be read as a metaphor for transitioning (cutting his hair, changing his name, ect). the fact that the queerness was accidental doesn't erase the validity of the interpretation, but it does mean that the naruto narrative wasn't endorsing queerness.

comedic queer-coding is just the naruto narrative depicting non-standard gender or sexuality and then pointing and laughing. for instance, kakashi and gai's relationship is often played for laughs. they're "too close" for men, and the narrative expects it to be funny, because that might be gay and comedy can be found in subverting societal expectations. gender-based comedy is similar- naruto turning into a woman is supposed to be funny because he's really a boy. again, the narrative is not endorsing this queerness. it is laughing at it. in some cases, long-term depiction of these kinds of jokes can lead to normalization and therefore lose their comedic impact (see: kakagai marriage or whatever the fuck that was in boruto era) but that's an observed process that happens to long-running gags and doesn't equate to endorsement by the narrative.

villainous queer-coding is the naruto narrative attempting to demonstrate a character's role as an antagonist by depicting them with non-standard gender or sexuality. we know orochimaru is evil because of a lot of reasons, but one of the ways the narrative shows us this is by subtextually implying that he's preying on sasuke. and that's bad because that's gay. according to the narrative. we also see orochimaru play around with gender roles, which further serves to establish his villainy in the narrative. obviously, this is not an endorsement.

there's some overlap between these categories, of course (obito's tobi persona bounces between villainous and comedic queer-coding, for instance, in terms of his feminine behavior). however, as far as i'm aware, there's only one character who can't be sorted into these categories somehow: tenten.

her gender-nonconformity can be sorted into the accidental category, for the most part, because i think a lot of it's a by-product of kishimoto trying to make a strong female character and also her aromanticism. the aromanticism, on the other hand, is directly acknowledged by that narrative. because of that, it can't be accidental, but it is also accepted by the narrative. the fact that tenten does not fall in love is a fact of her personality and identity. i'd like to propose the theory that this happens because tenten is a woman, and the naruto narrative does not respect women. by discarding the perceived feminine flaw of falling in love, tenten is improving her standing in the narrative's eyes, even if doing so requires being queer. this would track with most instances of intentional non-standard gender either being a man acting in a feminine way or a women failing to meet the standards of femininity. because tenten's gender-nonconformity tends to be displayed as her acting in a masculine way, this is considered an improvement by the narrative, and therefore not depicted as a negative aspect of tenten's character. maybe idk i'm not an expert.

[strawberry-milkbunny]

Naruto is my Roman Empire and I’ve been reading MadaTobi fanfics so these r my Founders Thoughts that nobody asked for:

- Tobirama had a crush on Madara and it PISSED HIM OFF like they def had hate sex at one point LMAO

- they literally worked together ur rlly gonna tell me they didn’t have SOME moments of civility btwn them?? (lowkey that’s wild tho having to see ur brother’s murderer everyday at work-I like Tobi but I’m just sayin)

I WANT A WORKPLACE SITCOM WITH THE FOUNDERS SJSKKSKS:

- Tobi doing experiments and scaring the villagers

- Tobi teaming up with Madara to make Hashi do work

- Hashi making flowers w/government documents

- Mito sipping tea while encouraging Tobi to revive the dead

- everyone in the Tower side eying the sexual tension btwn Madara and Tobi and them never denying they’ve fucked before

- Toka cackling in the background

- Hikaku spraying water at Madara like a cat every time he throws a temper tantrum

- Kagami popping in to make sure his clan head doesn’t kill his teacher PERFECT SITCOM MATERIAL

- totally personal preference: Naruto should’ve had more BLOOD AND GORE. I wanna see the grittiness and horror the shinobi world actually is and how revolutionary Naruto as a character is by choosing peace over violence. The only time we get that is Obito vs Kiri nin, Uchiha Massacre, Wave Arc, Orochimaru…before it turns into DBZ fights

I’ve said this before: Sasuke was in a seinen Naruto was in a shounen

- the warring states is literally the perfect place for exhibiting the horrors of war and humanity. Bloodline thieves, child hunting squads, GIVE. IT. TO. ME. Madara and Hashirama experiencing all of this and wanting PEACE FOR THEIR YOUNGER BROTHERS UGHHH ROBBERY‼️‼️

SORRY TW IMPLIED SA !!:

I HC that bloodline thieves is prob why Madara wears gloves….being a YOUNG (he’s been on the battlefield since he was 8??) powerful, prodigy and future clan head of a famous kekkai genkai it makes sense why he doesn’t like skin-contact/sexual repression and repulsion. And why we don’t see female Uchiha shinobi (excluding misogyny) simply bc there’s such a high risk of SA in this era

Moving on:

- Tobi and Izuna were jealous of how their brothers were being taken away. It goes past the senju/uchiha rivalry like they were just kids and were plain jealous.

- Madara and hashirama def share 1 brain cell LOLLL. Like they’re besties for a reason, Madara acts likes he smarter but nah he’s as much of an idiot as Hashi is. They’re both dreamers let these boys live and skip rocks together!!! 😭😭

- let’s be honest: Tobi built the village. Mans was doing ALL the logistics and infrastructure

- tobirama is soooo second son/eldest daughter coded it’s not even funny. The SPARE, serious and emotionless bc he needed to always clean up after his siblings, DUTIFUL, prob has a praise kink etc.

- Madara is an eldest daughter who also prob has a praise kink and touch starved

- NONE of the founders r well adjusted like they went from spending everyday of their lives at war to tryin bring peace and start essentially a ninja-revolution (PLS GO TO THERAPY)

- madara was just the most open about it: being isolated and feared by his own clan BC he was powerful, trying advocate for the village and peace, all while grieving for his last brother…yeah it makes sense y he went crazy or at least wanted to leave (fuck Kishimoto for that Kaguya bs and fuck Zetsu)

- I don’t actually believe he was trying destroy the village idkkk. I think he was trying to do an SNS aka using fighting as a way to communicate with Hashirama and well…yIkEs

- tobirama is 1000% unadjusted: mans literally created a Justu to revive the dead. You cannot tell me that doesn’t REEK of desperation and loneliness. He’s lit rally the OG mad scientist

- hashirama rlly thought sealing the Bijuu and giving them to each village was a good idea….sir WHO TF GIVES NUCLEAR WEAPONS TO SHINOBI???!! 😳😳

- I think hashirama and naruto lowkey can be summed up as: a powerful idealist. Which is a very dangerous combination. Take that how you will especially considering how shinobi thrive off of violence….it kinda makes sense how we ended up with canon Naruto

- Madara has a god complex and knows it. Hashirama has a god-complex and doesn’t know it. (God of Shinobi title def got to him and understandable)

- the founders failed and they know it. But I also kinda love it?? They’re so flawed and human as leaders and you can see how their mistakes drag into Canon Naruto. It also makes me so sad knowing that Konoha was built to prevent child soldiers and give protection only for it to actually be WORSE (Kakashi ITACHI SANNIN ik for a fact it must’ve hurt Hashi to know ur own granddaughter left the village)

Uchiha are: love is the death of duty while the Senju are: duty is the death of love and neither of them will forgive each other for picking one over the other‼️‼️‼️

- proving this ^^ w/Hashirama’s weird af characterization: aka him being a loveable idiot but at the same time CONGRATULATING Itachi for killing his own clan for Konoha…. I feel like that rlly showed me how much of a war veteran/shinobi Hashirama actually is and how he will always pick duty

- we were ROBBED of baby Kagami/hokage Kagami 😤😤😤 I’m sorry Kagami should’ve been made Hokage it just makes sense personality wise and politically wise. The only way I could see him not take it is bc he needed to be a clan leader/placate the Uchiha/help Hikaku.

- I wanna see him process the loss of his clan leader, teacher, and eventually friends to a point where Danzo takes his eyes

- everyone on Team Tobirama had a crush on Kagami at one point

- one of my fav HC: Tobi and Madara co-parenting Kagami. There’s no way Madara didn’t check up on Kagami being taught by THE senju which makes his defection hit harder for Kagami 😭😭

- BABY SANNIN ‼️‼️‼️ Tsunade was old enough to meet and remember Hashirama it makes sense that Oro and Jiraiya meet the founders

- omg could u imagine being Edo Tensei Hashirama?? Ur granddaughter’s weird friend revives u using the Jutsu ur brother invented that you specifically FORBID 😭😭

- Hashi and Tobi staring at Orochimaru like “you look familiar???” IT HAS SO MUCH COMEDIC POTENTIAL

- Mito revolutionized female shinobi like she’s def the reason ppl realized that girls can fight (Senju Toka was an exception) STAN MITO 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

- Mito pulled a Tsunade and mentally yeeted out of Konoha after Hashi and Tobi died. Bc the way we NEVER hear about her and Hiruzen interacting except for Kushina, even tho she’s literally RELATED to the other 2 hokages….ROBBED 😵‍💫

- I HC: she was dealing w/grief (the fall of Uzushio made it worse) and she was lowkey pushed out of the council by Danzo FUCK DANZO

- I love the idea of Mito wooing for Hashirama’s hand/politically smart Mito!! It was a political marriage that grew into love. There’s no way she DIDNT suspect an attack on Uzushio lik it’s literally an island w/Kiri as it’s neighbours….Konoha gets recognition and stability while Uzushio importantly gets mainland allies

- Mito tops btw she’s def pegged Hashi before 🫢

- if Madara or Hashi had sisters/born women they would’ve def had a marriage to solidify their alliance. This makes Japanese homophobia not make sense esp in the shinobi world bc their clans trusted each other w/o backup like marriage?? Idk I’m just kinda confused y it was never even brought up for an alliance…

*cue MadaTobi arranged marriage au 100k, enemies to lovers, slowburn*

- also to dude bros homophobia has no place in the Naruto world (and IRL BTW) outside of making heirs. They’re literally MERCENARIES You telling me Kakashi has never fucked another man for information before??? Pls be serious I’m begging y’all 🙃🙃🙃

- there’s def family drama amongst the senju!! Idk I feel like Hashirama and Tobirama have the relationship of: “they love each other but don’t like each other” which makes Madara’s inclusion even worse for the brothers’ relationship. Like they def always had each other’s backs but never actually felt like they understood each other.

- I wish more fanfics/canon covered the shinobi-civilian politics more (I love politics lol give me world-building kishimoto 😤)

- Civilians hold power. THEY have all the MONEY to pay shinobi

- I’ve rlly only seen 1 fanfic that involves the Fire Daimyo during the Warring States Era (Into the Wide Blue Yonder it’s a KakaSasu Time travel fic that actually ✨works✨ 12/10 recommend) but it’s true.

Wtf is the Fire Daimyo doing during this era??? Why is he being so placate about Senju/Uchiha war unless he just sees it as entertainment?? How have shinobi NOT fought against rich civilian politicians before?? (Introducing Maoism to the naruto world lol 🤔🤔)

- Kishimoto curse ur goldfish brain….

- the uchiha and senju were def broke in this era, LMAO especially the Uchiha and I mean resource wise. War is EXPENSIVE the Uchiha don’t have Hashirama and Mokutan, they couldn’t just grow food whenever they wanted. It makes total sense that they would agree to a ceasefire just to prevent STARVATION

- once again…. robbed in terms of seeing the aftermath and devastation of war and learning how to live in a morally grey, politically unstable, resource limited world which could’ve brought in the ultimate themes of peace and the cycle of violence, and the question of if violence and war is ever justified, but…..no ❤️

[oh-no-its-bird]

Ok so I love demon slayer, I love naruto, I love crossovers and I do think that the most interesting crossover you could get between the two is by including Kagaya Ubuyashiki as a major player

In Narutoland, leaders are leaders due to strength. The Kage's are the strongest around, and it makes sense bc in a warrior society ofc you want your leaders to be strong.

Kagaya is very much not that, and I wanna play with it. There's just something so fascinating ab the leader of so many scarily strong people being a soft spoken and kind man who physically could not fight if he wanted to, but is still willing to embrace The Horrors when need be. Really big contrast to Naruto, I like it

Anyways umm

Fic where after Kagaya Ubuyashiki blows up his fucking house w the wife and kids, he and maybe also the wife and kids end up zapped to Naruto.

Immediatley like, there is no Muzan here. There are no demons. Kagaya's curse to bear is over, the weight lifted from his shoulders. He has done all that he can do. He gets to retire now.

So just Kagaya trying to settle in to retirement in another world, struggling w the fact that he's like. Penniless now. Sickly young master lost all his fucking wealth and buisness investments, not much he can do there.

But no matter what he does he's too fucking charismatic and eye catching to not gain some kind of notoriety. I think it'd be funny if he's legit trying to live his best life but people keep swearing allegiance to him. He's just wandering around trying to find a way to make money and not die and accidentally picking up Deidara before Akatsuki can.

He like compliments his art by acknowledging that there is beauty in everything, even destruction. And Deidara is eyeing him like ",,,maybe this old man is ok,, I guess,,, oh no wait he's a CIVILIAN?? And also fucking useless at everything???? Man I guess I HAVE to stick around and protect him. Wow what a bummer. I guess I have no choice... and also if he pats me on the head and calls me a good boy and feeds into my many ignored complexes then that's also whatever......"

Kagaya actually just keeps running into Akatsuki members and getting varying levels of "this guy is alright I guess (if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in the room then myself)"

He's collecting a little army of shinobi with daddy issues (every shinobi ever let's be real) by pure accident

Dw Kagaya, you don't need to worry about those medical bills bc u are now the sugar baby of multiple criminal organizations! (Don't think about it too hard)

Obito gets the worst of it, he sees Kagaya and gets flashbacks to his ailing grandmother and suddenly can't unsee it. Kagaya seems to see through his Tobi act seamlessly, and still reaches out to touch his scarred face without a single twitch of his smile and says he can feel a good man in that heart of his. Obito explodes immediatley and has to retreat for 7-10 buisness days to deal with the sudden onslaught of Feelings(tm)

Akatsuki slowly becomes good bc Kagaya learns of some of their plans and gives Obito a dissaproving frown and the psychic damage is so strong that Obito immediatley goes "ok I guess we don't HAVE to kill the children." And he just frowns harder and Obito twitches and goes ",,, or the adults. I guess. If u really think so."

[yowyowyaoi]

Deidara: Tobi. I got you something.

Tobi: 

Tobi: H-huh?

Deidara: *holds out a small box* Chocolates. I think there’s some with caramel, and coconut, and —

Tobi: *promptly drops to the floor, clutching his chest*

Deidara, startled: O-Oi! What the hell?! *helps Tobi sit up*Are you sick or something?!

Tobi: No! But you’ve never brought me any kind of present before! Not even on my birthday!

Deidara: *rolls his eyes* So dramatic, hm. Look, just take the candy and don’t make such a big deal about it!

Tobi: *takes the box and opens it, picking a heart-shaped truffle and sliding it under his mask and into his mouth* Am I allowed to ask why Senpai got me these?

Deidara, blushing: Why’s there gotta be a reason, man? I passed by a sweets shop on my way back here. You like chocolate. I got you some chocolate. Just leave it at that.

Tobi: *hesitates, then goes to Deidara and puts both arms around him* Thank you.

Deidara, blushing harder than ever: Y-yeah. You’re welcome, hm.

Tobi, slightly in Obito voice: Wanna make out?

Deidara: W-w-what??

Tobi: Haha, just kidding, Deidara! But since you bought me these chocolates … *pops another one into his mouth, slides his mask to the side, grabs Deidara’s waist, and pulls him into a kiss* Allow me to show you what they taste like.

Deidara: *stunned speechless*

Tobi: Anyways, Tobi is going to go to his room now. And just so Senpai knows, Tobi is also very fond of cakes and cookies, just in case Senpai wants to experience some more tastes with Tobi ~ *leaves*

Deidara:

*several days later*

Kakuzu, opening the mail: Bills, bills, bills. Will I never stop being bled dry of money?!

Kakuzu: Wait a second … *looks at the credit card bill* OVER FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND YEN charged to sweet shops and dessert cafes?! ITACHI!! 

Itachi: That wasn’t me! I’ve been watching my sugar lately!

Kakuzu: Then … who the hell else would be buying so many sweets?!

Deidara, sweating nervously:

[joltai-showa]

absolutely loving Obito in his whimsical creature arc towering over Deidara the terror and destroyer of the world, nature sights and other people's property.

like. with the comedy routine they have going on you frequently forget that Deidara absolutely must raise his head to scream in Tobi's face. or stand on a hill or something. or fly on the bird. you just know his ego is suffering endlessly from being a pocket sized twink.

Obito meanwhile is constantly fighting the urge to do this meme

also Kishimoto can't keep the character height gaps correct for the life of him, so I was laughing my ass off when I realized there's one tiny instance where he does get it right

yes deidei is NOT reaching tobi's chin. he's just so teeny tiny. the anger is on 24/7 cuz it's so concentrated in him.

[ladykissingfish]

*Deidara walks into Tobi’s room to find him curled up in his bed, facing the wall*

Deidara: *sighs and goes to Tobi’s side* Still, man? You’re still hung up on this?

Tobi, voice muffled: Go away, Senpai. You hurt Tobi’s feelings. You hurt Tobi’s feelings worse than anyone ever has before.

Deidara: … Are you being serious right now, hm? You’re a grown man! You can’t take a little constructive criticism??

Tobi: *turns around and faces Deidara* It wasn’t “constructive criticism”, Senpai! It was super mean and you didn’t even have to say it! Tobi would never say anything like that to you!

Deidara: Okay, you know what? I —

*Pein and Konan walk into the room*

Pein: Deidara. Enough. This idiocy has been going on between the two of you for long enough. Discord between Akatsuki partners is a hindrance to completing missions successfully; therefore, Deidara, you need to apologize.

Deidara, indignantly: Apologize?! Are you kidding me? I was expressing an opinion, hm! How is it my fault if he can’t handle my thoughts??

Konan: Deidara, you heard Leader. While I’m unaware as to what your argument is about, I know that it must be fairly serious, to render someone as happy-go-lucky as Tobi into this sad state. Now apologize.

Deidara, grudgingly and reluctantly: Fine, hm. Tobi, I’m sorry that I said that candy corn is “disgusting” and that you’d “be better off eating melted crayons”, hm.

Konan: … Wait. You two are fighting about candy??

Tobi, in Obito voice: This fucker also said that caramel doesn’t belong in sweets and is worse than the gunk in a toilet bowl! He’s lucky I didn’t kill him!!

Konan and Pein: