#now when I think of leaving my house I get so anxious that a lot of the time of I have to go alone I simply skip going anywhere

[unintentional-sad-wizard]

I’m staying at my parents’ house for the holidays, in my childhood bedroom, but I’ve reached the point where it doesn’t feel like home anymore and I don’t really know what to do with myself when I’m here and I’m having a rough time with that

[bunnyboilewd]

I want to be happier, I want to see my friends more, I want to feel better.

But when I think about actually leaving my house... I don't want to enter the world that I live in.

[cutielando]

my baby | l.n.

synopsis: in which you bring your son to his daddy’s first ever race

a/n: based on this request!! i changed things up a little and only made it fluffy, hope you like it!!

my masterlist

Ever since your son was born, you and Lando had had multiple talks regarding exposing him to the world and bringing him to the paddock.

He was still so little, being only a few months old, so there was a lot of discussion between the two of you about when would be a good time to finally introduce your son to that part of Lando’s life.

You debated a lot about firstly which race would be the best one for him to attend, finally settling on Silverstone. It was a very special race for the both of you, it was Lando’s favorite race weekend, his whole family would be coming and would be able to eagerly help, should any situations arise during the weekend, you were close to your UK home.

It was honestly the best decision in that aspect.

McLaren had been so kind as to send you some little T-shirts with Lando’s name and number on the back, some headphones so you could protect Noah’s ears. He was all ready to go, all clad in his papaya shirt and little cap.

However, as much as Lando had been looking forward to finally having the both of you in the paddock since Noah’s birth, he was suddenly feeling more anxious as you’re about to leave the house and go to the track.

You noticed the frown he had on his face and how deep in thought he seemed to be, walking over to him with Noah right on your hip, sucking on his pacifier in silence.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” you asked him, putting a hand on his shoulder and rubbing it affectionately.

“You agree this is a good idea, right? We’re not rushing him into this, it’s completely okay and safe to bring him with us” he asked, looking at you with worried eyes.

Looking at him so desperate for reassurance, you remember your first days as a new mom, worrying about every single thing that Noah would do, what you should do with him and what you shouldn’t, calling your mother and Lando’s mother every half an hour with another question.

It’s normal for new parents to be anxious, and Lando was now feeling the protectiveness that came with having a baby of your own and bringing him out into the world.

“Baby, we’ve talked about this. We have it all figured out. Your family is going to be there if anything does happen, we have your whole team there who are more than eager to help with anything. We’ll be fine, this little guy will have the time of his life” you said, smiling at the quiet boy in your arms and bouncing him in your arms, chuckling alongside Noah as he started to giggle and wave his arms in the air.

Lando smiled, looking at Noah like he was the center of his universe, like nothing could ever measure up to how much love he had for his son.

He was ready, so there was no reason why Lando shouldn’t be ready. After all, he had you by his side.

He didn’t need anything else if he had you.

“Alright, let’s get going then” he declared, sitting up and taking Noah’s bag from you, determined to carry everything to the car by himself.

You chuckled, shaking your head as you adjusted little Noah on your hip.

“Let’s go and bring daddy some good luck, shall we?” you cooed at Noah, admiring his little smile and clap when he heard the word “daddy” in a sentence.

Such a daddy’s boy.

♡♡♡♡♡

“Do you want me to turn the car around and just take you guys home? I’m sure nobody would mind” Lando said as soon as he parked the car in his designated spot.

You looked at him confused.

“Why? Did something happen?” you asked, keeping an eye on Noah who was currently too busy playing with his feet to pay attention to the two of you.

Lando sighed, resting his head against the seat and closing his eyes.

“I just think we’re rushing into it. He’s still young and I’m worried that something could happen to him while I’m in the car” he confessed, and you let out a knowing sigh.

“I know you’re stressed out and worried, but you have nothing to worry about. I’m going to be with him the entire time and your entire family is going to be with me. He literally can’t be more taken care of” you said, joking a little at the end to help him breathe a little.

Lando smiled, chuckling a little before twisting around to look at you in the backseat.

His eyes naturally gravitated towards Noah, who was happily playing with his McLaren teddy bear the team had gifted Lando when Noah was born.

“Sometimes I wish we could keep him away from all of this for the rest of his life” he said, his eyes focused on his son.

"I know, but right now, you don't have to worry about him. You know I won't let him out of my sight" you said, making Lando smile at the thought of you going all mama bear on your son.

"Alright then, off we go" Lando unbuckled his seatbelt, exiting the car and opening your door for you.

He made quick work to grab the diaper bag and all of his essentials while you lifted Noah up from his car seat and settled him on your hip, cooing at the smiley little boy.

"Ready?" Lando asked as he came to stand next to you, putting his arm on the small of your back and leaning down to press a kiss on Noah's head.

"Are you ready to see dada race?" you cooed at Noah, tickling his tummy lightly, which prompted him to burst into giggles.

“My lucky charms” Lando whispered, looking at the two of you with so much love.

He truly couldn’t have asked for anything better in his life. The trophies, the wins, the losses, they didn’t compare to this. To you, to your son, nothing could ever compete with how much Lando cared for his family.

As you started walking towards the paddock entrance, your passes clutched in Lando’s hand, you kept Noah close to you, trying to shield his face from the cameras as best as you could.

You softly maneuvered his head so his face was buried into the crook of your neck, which Noah immediately complied with because he loved it when you held him close.

“I’ll do my best to hold them off” Lando whispered as he scanned your passes and already noticed the hoard of paparazzis that were waiting for him to arrive.

You nodded, smiling politely at the cameramen as Lando quickly walked with you towards the McLaren hospitality.

Clicks and flashes could be heard all around you, every single one trying to get a glimpse of your baby boy, but Lando was having none of it.

“Lando! Over here!”

“Is that your son?”

“Can we see him? Just a picture”

Every single word fell on deaf ears as Lando continued to lead the three of you away from them, thankful when the shouts ceased and there was nobody around you anymore.

“They sure know how to try and get what they want” you said, letting out a big breath that you hadn’t realized you had been holding in.

“It’s an invasion of privacy, they should have some respect, especially when they can see I’m with my family” he grumbled, his jaw muscles clenched.

You slowed down your walk until you came to a halt, resting your hand against his cheek.

“Hey, we’re okay. Calm down, we’re both fine, okay?” you said, waiting for an answer as Noah started squirming in your arms.

“Yeah, I’m good” Lando replied after finally feeling himself calm down a tad, resuming your walk towards the hospitality.

When you arrived and entered the building, the first thing that you saw was Lando’s family eagerly chatting amongst themselves, clearly waiting for the 3 of you to finally arrive.

You didn’t even get to think about anything before Noah was taken from your arms by Lando’s sister, Flo, cooing at him and beaming at the smiley boy.

There was nothing more pure and warming than seeing the bond between Lando’s family and your son. He was also the first grandchild on your side of the family, so that little boy was as spoiled as one could be.

“How are you doing, dear?” Cisca snapped you out of your thoughts as she came to stand next to you, Lando having gone to his driver’s room to unpack his things.

“I’m okay, a little tired from the jet-lag, but doing alright. A little nervous to have Noah here with me, but you all being here puts mine and Lando’s mind more at ease” you said, giving your mother-in-law a side hug.

“Was he terrible when you were talking about coming with Noah?” she asked, smiling knowingly.

You laughed, shaking your head affectionately at how well she knew Lando.

“He freaked out about 4 times before we even got out of the car” you said, making the woman laugh.

Lando emerged into the room again, immediately frowning once he saw that Noah was still not back in your arms.

Both you and Cisca watched as his eyes searched the entire room for him, finally settling on the boy happily babbling to his auntie Flo, Lando immediately going over to them.

And as you all sat there with each other, both you and Lando realized what a great support system you had and what a perfect family you have built together.

His win, of course, only solidifying his saying that you were both “his lucky charms”.

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[prongsx]

THREE TIMES YOU TRIED TO SAY YOU LOVED JASON AND ONCE HE TOLD YOU

warnings: fluff, kisses, female reader. English its not my first language and this is the first time I have had the courage to post something.

Jason loves you. Simple and pure. You are all he thinks about when he wakes up and when he goes to sleep. It's like your name is engraved in his bones. The problem is that you love him too. He can see it in your puppy dog ​​eyes, in the softest touch anyone has ever had with him, in the kisses as if his life was at risk with every breath.

He is fine with loving you, with being devoted to you, with protecting you. But you loving him? He can't accept that, he doesn't deserve the love of someone so sweet and perfect. His killer hands don't deserve to be held and caressed by someone like you.

He wants to say he loves you, he really does, but something inside him wants to deserve it by saying it, wants to fight to deserve your love. The problem is that you seem desperate to say those three magic words, it seems so simple to you. But he won't let you say it first, no, you deserve more than that.

His apartment smells like Italian food, grilled chicken in the pan and pasta cooking as he stirs the special sauce Alfred taught him. He was really trying to impress you.

"It smells delicious, Jay," you hummed, sitting on the counter as you admired your boyfriend's back, his shirt exposing his muscular arms flexed constantly as he tended to the pans.

"I hope it tastes good too." he said, turning and kissing your cheek, one hand resting on your thigh, his blue eyes shining in the low light of the kitchen.

You both stayed silent, with those stupid smiles of lovers, your hands coming up to caress his jaw. Then it happened, he almost felt it happening, your eyes getting softer, your lower lip trembling, the touch more intimate. He'd always been good at reading people, especially you.

"Jay, I lo.." You were brutally abruptly interrupted when Jason shoved a spoonful of the warm sauce into your mouth, making your eyes widen in surprise.

"Is the salt okay? A lot of pepper?" He asked, trying hard to look innocent. There was no way he would let you admit it first, he didn't deserve this pure love you offered him.The disguise was enough for you to forget, at least for now.

♡♡♡♡

The second time, the relationship had been going strong for months enough for both of you to sleep at each other's houses. You spent most of the nights at Jason's safe house, but there was always a storage problem. Jason was too methodical with his own things, there was only enough space for his things.

"I thought about ordering Japanese" You said to Jason, as you entered his room, a toiletry bag in your hands. Then you froze.

There was a new piece of furniture in your boyfriend's room. A white dresser with a mirror, similar to a vanity. You looked at your boyfriend questioningly when he entered the room and he had the decency to look embarrassed.

"Oh, about that. Well, you always have to leave early to get your things from your place and you always complain about doing your makeup in the bathroom. So. Well." He said, his hands scratching the back of his neck, a little anxious. Maybe he was too exaggerated? Did you think he was taking the relationship too far?

The doubts dissipated when he felt your arms wrap around him and your face hidden in his chest, he hugged you back, his hands wrapping around your waist.

"Honey?" He called softly.

"You're adorable." You whispered against his chest. He smiled, grateful that you couldn't see the redness in his cheeks, he felt like a damn teenager. Then again, he felt his body tense up as you lifted your head and stared at him with your adoring eyes, he could almost feel the loving vibration of it.

"I lov..." His hands quickly left your waist and cupped your face, his lips pressing against yours, slowly running his tongue over your lower lip, using the techniques he knew left you too confused to think about.

And when you tried to speak again, he pushed you against the wall, his hands returning to your waist. And he made sure to try hard to make you forget your initial intention.

Almost there, he was almost there to finally speak.

♡♡♡

The third time you tried, he was half ready to speak, but you chose a moment he hated. The Waynes' dance. You looked beautiful, of course, the red dress did something to his heart. But he wouldn't let you say such sacred words in the midst of people he hated in part.

It was a soft song, his hands resting on your waist, your hands on his chest, your head raised looking at him as you danced to the rhythm of the music. Jason was beautiful, in your eyes, of course, he had that half-scowl look he always had at heartthrob dances but always softened when he looked at you.

"Who knew you could dance?" You teased, reaching out to fix his red tie, a loving smile on your lips. He let out a playful sigh but didn't respond, too focused on admiring you.

He almost rolled his eyes when you once again had that soft look in your eyes. For the love of God, how could someone be so absurdly loving and determined to express love?

Before you could open your mouth, he spun you around, changing the rhythm of the dance, the surprise making you forget what you wanted to say. There was no way he would let you share those words in a place full of people who didn't even deserve to look at you.

Weeks later, on a Friday night, you arrived at Jason's house tired. It was a friend's birthday party and you had gone out to a bar. You weren't drunk, just slightly cheerful and with flushed cheeks. You had worked all day and partied all night, your body taking its toll from the fatigue. When you staggered into Jason's living room, he gently picked you up.

"Fun night, honey?" He asked, a small smile.

"Yeah. But I'm so sleepy," you mumbled, leaning against him, your eyes closing.

You let him take care of you, sit you down on the bed and gently take off your dirty clothes, sliding one of his shirts over your body. He used one of those wet cloths he knew you used to take off your makeup and removed the pins from your hair, so gently that he was surprised himself. The same hands that had already killed people were now caressing your skin, taking care of you while all you did was babble and cuddle against him.

So when you two lay down, with him hugging you from behind and putting his hand on your belly, he whispered in your ear.

"I love you." He felt the slightest movement from you, but too tired to form words, it made him laugh at the thought of how furious you must be that he chose this particular moment. "I don't know if I'm ready to be loved. But I love you. With everything that I am." He says and kisses your cheek, closing his eyes as he cuddles into you.

Because Jason loves you and slowly learned to be loved back.

[bunnys-kisses]

Hi hello good day! May I order an extra spicy mille-feuille with a side of mocha coffee for John Price please?

bakery menu

want to order your own dessert? the bakery is still open! always accepting prompts especially from call of duty and formula one! get kinky! get sexy! order up!

mille-feuille (“that’s it, fuck, that’s a good girl.”) + mocha coffee (breeding kink) served by capt. john price!

cw: smut/pwp, breeding kink, rough sex, wife!reader, husband!price, age gap (20s/40s), doggy style

price had a pretty wife! price had a pretty wife! johnny said in a sing-song voice when price returned to base after a "sabbatical", the other men knew what was up the moment he took off his gloves and there was a shiny gold band on his left ring finger.

captain jonathan price of task force 141 had bagged himself a missus!

while johnny's comments were juvinile, it was all in good fun. price never talked about you a lot on base. off base, the boys of 141 had met you and eaten your cooking. but, price kept you close to his chest.

he didn't want anything to happen to you.

when johnny gave him a shove of congratulations, price narrowed his eyes at the younger man, "i am still your captain. don't forget that mactavish."

"of course sir!" johnny laughed as he scratched his jaw, "just 'appy for ya!"

"so what's the plan now?" kyle asked as he gave his captain a firm handshake. in all fairness all three men were curious. you had the house, the ring, what was next for the price's?

price leaned back a little in his chair and shrugged, "well, we're tryin' for a kid when i get back. she's worried by the time i finally retire all her eggs will have dried up!" then gave a hearty laugh, "feels good bein' married to my wife. she a good woman!"

-

price was anxious to go home the second he left home for the next mission for the task force. so the day he got to return to his wife, he was all smiles as he took his belongings back home.

his cock was also painfully hard. he hadn't had the chance to relieve himself in a few days, so his cock was aching for a release. and no better place to put it than in his pretty wife.

he pulled up to the house that you two had been living in before you got married. he got his belongings and headed to the front door. when he knocked on the door, he heard the yapping of your dog.

"pumpkin! stop! down!" he heard your voice and smiled. when the door finally opened, he was instantly met with your arms around him. he held you as best as he could.

"hello, love." he smiled.

you kissed him off the lips and took his boonie hat off. you put it on your head before you giggled and took his hand. you brought him inside and price got a full view of what you were wearing.

the tank top was too tight and the sleeping shorts were too short. he made a face and said, "you've been wearin' that while i'm gone?"

you looked at him and said, "yeah? and the ring too!" then burst into laughter, "i'm joking, honey. i put this on for you. i was excited to see my husband."

price knew from the moment he met you, that he could never say no to you. he just loved you so much, it was almost an ache when he was apart from you.

he knew very well that you were leading him upstairs to the bedroom. he gave pumpkin, your german shepherd a pet and a promise they'll watch coronation street when he was done with her "mama."

price waved to the dog who was sitting there confused what her mama and papa were doing. he closed the door and you were on the bed, the tank top and shorts were off. leaving you in a cute mismatched pair of bra and panties.

you looked so adorable. it made price's cock twitch in his pants. such a pretty little wife. a wife he wanted to dick down and breed until you were nice and round with his children.

oh, he hoped you weren't stopping at one price baby. he was thinking at least three, maybe five if he can stick a pair of twins into you. (irish twins would just have to do if that didn't work! price was a man of many plans!)

he got out of his clothes, his hairy body made you drool. along with the strength in his muscles. you swallowed when he invaded your space and took off your under garments. it was like opening a present.

"my beautiful wife." he said. he took you and got you on your elbows and knees, even getting your pillow to put under your head. he took in the sight of you, back arched for him. ready to accept all he'll give you. he rubbed your ass “that’s it, fuck, that’s a good girl.”

you whimpered against the pillow and felt your husband behind you. you held onto the covers under your head and sighed contently. your pussy was wet, he could clearly see that.

usually he had a cup of tea when he got home, but this was just as good. if not better. he knelt behind you and stroked his cock a few times at the sight of you.

his tip was leaky and his balls felt heavy. such a pretty sight, a submissive little wife (it was the only time you were actually submissive. price knew he married a firecracker!). he rubbed the slick tip up against your slit.

"pretty girl." he purred, then slowly sank into your sweet pussy. his hands on your hips as he pushed in. he heard a sweet moan and watched your back arch more.

"john. please." you panted as you held onto the covers.

"i got ya, love. always got ya." he started his pace, his thrusts were hard but steady. sex was rough, but it made it all feel so good in your bones. it felt like two parts of the same whole.

you were perfect for one another, even when he was breeding your sweet little pussy. he thrust against you, watching your ass jiggle at the force of his movements.

he felt the sweat dip down his back as he moved against you, his heart raced as he felt snug in his wife's pussy. you were just perfect, the most amazing little thing he had ever laid his eyes on. a gift from the heavens for him.

his sweet woman.

"john. please, i love you so much. i can't wait to start a family with you. you're perfect, i love you. you've made me the happiest i could be!" you whined into the pillow. you held onto it under your head.

"i love when you say my name, love. sounds so right on your tongue." he laughed as if he didn't have the most common name in the world. but the way it rolled off your tongue while he was balls deep inside of you made him feel good.

you whined in between your giggle as his soft words. even if his thrusts were hard. he melted you to your core and made you hot all over. it was erotic and it made you sweat.

the two of you continued to move together, his calloused fingers dug into the meat of your hips, enough to leave bruises.

"such a pretty girl."

the sex became harder, like a carnal need for the two of you to reach climax. for him to breed you, he pressed his chest against your back and wrapped both of those strong arms around your middle.

you whined and he panted heavily in your ear. he ached all over for you. his cock bullied into you and his breath was ragged.

"john."

"my girl. my wife." he purred and it sent you over the edge. like fire in your veins.

you clutched onto the bed under you, your back arched and you climaxed. you felt it take the air out of your lungs as he continued to batter your pussy. all in the name of growing your family.

your core throb as his continued movements. you panted heavily and let him get close to his own orgasm. his forearms clenched around you as he

he finished inside of you, and dropped his arms from around you waist. he slowed down and then pulled out. he took you into his arms and kissed at your sweaty neck.

"mmm, my good wife." he said with love in his voice. his cock was still painfully hard. one round wasn't going to make sure his little missus got knocked up! he rubbed his slick cock against your back and said, "perfect for me. we're gonna make a big family, love."

you smiled while still panting and held onto him tightly. you could feel your husband's love as he spooned you. he kissed your neck tenderly and you said, "get me some water and we can go again."

-

you rubbed your achy middle when you felt your son shift against your kidneys. you then poked your belly, "you calm down there." currently he was known as john jr. but you were convincing your amazing, lovely, handsome husband that there were more names than just john.

for now, he was known as peanut. you checked the noodles for the pasta dinner while price was chopping up the mushrooms for the sauce. his sleeves were rolled and those strong arms were on display.

you made a face,

you looked at pumpkin who was seated by your feet, waiting for her chance to have just one noodle. you chuckled and looked at price while you bent down a little to feed the german shepherd one of the penne noodles before you went back to the noodles

"i saw that." price said with a chuckle even if he back was turned to you. he was smiling however. he wouldn't expect anything different from you. when he finished with the mushrooms, he slung a bulky arm around your middle and kissed your cheek.

you turned your head to look at him and giggled, "i love you."

he kissed you on the lips then said, "i love you more. now and forever."

[mrsriddlenott]

I put a lot of my own anxiety and insecurities into this and just portrayed it kinda how my mind feels in stressful situations where I doubt everything. This is basically my way of coping with the stress of….well everything rn.

Warnings: Anxiety, Insecure reader, Mention of cheating but no cheating ever occurred, Brain working against reader, Small panic attack, Suggestive at the end. Not proofread.

{masterlist}

~ Anxious ~

Your heart beat pounded heavily in your ears over the music surrounding you, your eyes unable to pull away from the scene in front of you. You didn’t want to think JJ would cheat on you. You hadn’t considered it, but as you watched him and Kie talk like nothing and no one was around them, doubt began to settle in your chest.

“It was insane, the biggest wave that I had ever surfed,” JJ explained with excitement, his eyes on Kie from beside you, his arm that had draped across your shoulders now lays nonchalantly against the back of the couch. You’re brain keeps trying to convince you it means something. It can’t mean anything.

Does it though?

You had already heard this story many times before, so had Kie even though she was there. Of course. But somehow with him it felt like it was new. “Do you remember that time when we-“ You start softly making JJ briefly turn to you with those bright excitement filled eyes he wore so often around his group.

Or was it around Kie? You couldn’t tell anymore.

Before you could even get past your first sentence his eyes were shooting away from yours immediately at the sound of her voice cutting over yours.

Maybe he’ll tell her I was talking?

Maybe she didn’t notice?

“Oh wait, Jj” Not you, just JJ, you thought trying to ignore the pang of emotions that hit your chest at being interrupted. “Even better, that time when we all almost got caught at the party in that creepy abandoned house and when we got to the Twinkie-“ JJ was laughing before she could even finish the story and soon they both were, leaving you confused and left out when the warmth of JJ’s arm finally slipped out from behind you to clutch himself as he laughed. “Well you know what happened.” Kie said between laughs after attempting to continue.

“I don’t,” Your chest constricts, clutching your words in your throat, forcing your voice to come out soft and scratchy while attempting to get their attention. When your small, anxious voice is drowned out by their combined laughter the feeling of jealousy and anxiety fuled anger fills your chest, your eyes bouncing back and forth uncontrollably between them while they start to calm down. Will he put his arm around me again? You ask yourself, your thoughts beginning to spiral down a road they never had with JJ.

Does he even remember I am here?

“Need a drink.” You rush to speak, your voice harsh abd upset while shoving yourself aggressively off the couch and away from the man that is supposed to bring you comfort. It wasn’t your intention to be rude, or aggressive but you just couldn’t find it in you to care.

It’s not like he will notice my tone anyway. You tell yourself, slipping silently around the crowded room to reach the drinks. You can’t stop yourself as your brain starts falling into a pit of overthinking, forcing yourself to take deep breaths in the hopes that you could calm down, take a few shots and be able to ignore these feelings until you were alone.

I bet he won’t even follow me, will he? The voice in the back of your head blurts out again, pushing tears past your eyelashes as you desperately try and hold them in. The thought has your head filling with heavy fog, your eyes searching for a life line, beginning to realize that you don’t even know anyone here besides his friends. Their friends.

Not like I have any of my own anyway.

Your scattered brain wastes no time in reminding you of that fact, your eyes nervously scanning the room, the music seemingly booming louder than it was a second ago as your ears begin to ring and your breath speeds up. You notice the room staring to feel smaller, your chest constricting with anxiety like the walls around you are closing in. You can’t understand why you aren’t able to just calm yourself down like a normal person.

I bet he wouldn’t even care if I left. Wouldn’t notice for hours. Your brain screams at you as you try and hide in the bathroom, locking the door behind you and letting your body relax against the door, falling down slowly, cradling your head in your arms and allowing yourself to cry quietly. You wanted your brain to just shut up already.

God you’re so toxic. What’s wrong with you. No wonder he prefers her, she can hold a conversation without stuttering through her anxiety. She is exciting, she likes everything he likes and knows the lingo-

“Hey, y/n are you okay?” JJ’s voice breaks through your thoughts, the knock of his two fingers against the hollow wood of the door making you jump slightly.

“Yeah, I’m fine, it’s just crowded out there. Don’t worry you can go back to the party.” You try to control the sadness in your voice, wiping your eyes despite the tears still profusely wetting your cheeks, but you could almost hear the look of confusion on his face as he spoke through the door.

“But I don’t want to, not without you.” He sates, jiggling at the door knob before realizing it was locked, “Can I come in? You sound upset.” The fist trapping your heart tightens at the soft nervous chuckle he releases when you don’t respond at first. You can tell he has no idea what to do, or what upset you.

It’s not his fault you’re like this. He deserves better. He wants to have fun, not run around after me.

After taking a glance in the mirror to ensure your face was as tear free as it was going to get, you click the lock on the door, letting it creak open as you walk to rest against the sink, avoiding his gaze that you can feel burning into the back of your head.

“Are you okay Princess?” He asks, shutting the door behind him to give you privacy, the sigh in his voice as he sees you leant forward only eggs your anxiety on further. He’s annoyed with me now, you think as tears flood down your cheeks uncontrollably, forcing you to gasp for a breath you know won’t come.

“I-i was just overwhelmed at all the people I didn’t know,” the sentence gets caught in your throat, your eyes closing so you can imagine the lie in your head, “I’m okay, you can go have fun with your friends,” you try, wiping your eyes of tears to turn to face him with a straight face but he sees right through it. Like he aways does.

“You’re crying Gorgeous what happened? Did someone say something to you?” He asks, his voice sounded angry but his hands were soft as they reached up to grab your face, examining you like a piece of delicate china, “Did someone do something to you?” His voice was more urgent this time, startling you as you pull yourself out of his grasp and turn away again.

“No, no I’m fine I just need a second okay.” JJ can hear the squeak in your voice, can see the way your shoulders rock slightly with silent sobs. His heart starts to beat rapidly at the thought of everything that could have gone wrong, he didn’t want to lose you, he needed you. You grounded him and kept him from going absolutely crazy at every small inconvenience.

“Why won’t you look at me Princess? Did I do something?” His voice comes out as beg, wanting you to just tell him what happened, “Are you mad at me, whatever I did I didn’t mean to I promise I’m just a fucking idiot please tell me and I’ll explain.”

Your bloodshot eyes lock on his when you turn to meet his gaze and he knows this was him. He caused this somehow. His brain started going through each and every interaction he had with you in order to pin point what he did before finally remembering you didn’t even want to come to this party in the first place. “I can take you home and we can just hang out alone if you’re not having fun.”

“I don’t want to ruin the night for you, I just wanted to calm down because I have no right to be upset.” You sigh, finally meeting his eyes as he steps closer to you wearing a small smile, wanting nothing more than for you to open up to him, “I’m just overthinking….things.”

“What things?” He asks, his voice soft and full of reassurance

“Um well,” You stutter, “It’s just that it made me feel really anxious when Kie interrupted me, it made me….my brain….think you preferred talking to her.”

“Oh….Baby I’m so sorry,” JJ sighs, finally stepping close enough to tug you into a hug by your waste, “I thought you were just too anxious about the party to finish, you should have said something I would have listened to you Princess.”

“It’s fine, I was just too drained to say anything. I shouldn’t have made a big deal out of it.” Your head falls to rest on his chest, the warmth of his arms around you slowing your racing heart.

“You call this a big deal? Nah Princess next time you wanna say something to me you say it, I don’t care who I’m talking to I want to hear you.” His lips brush softly against your head, his large ringed hands rubbing up your back in a comforting gesture.

“You looked like you were enjoying yourself, I didn’t want to ruin everything so I was just gonna calm down on my own.” Your voice cracks as you link your hands together against his back, allowing yourself to slightly cry at the thought.

“I don’t wanna find you crying in the bathroom because of me, I want you to have fun and when you’re not I want to know so I can fix it.” JJ’s voice is stern and confident as he moves you forward by your shoulders, forcing eye contact when he grips your chin with his thumb and pointer finger, “You are the most important person to me. I want to hear every single thing in that pretty head of yours, anything you worry about, anything you stress over, even if you think it will upset me. I would rather we’re upset together and working it out than distancing ourselves so one of us can have fun at the expense of the other.”

JJ’s gentle lips meet yours, your lips and cheeks still salty from tears, your hands shaking as they find their perch in JJ’s sandy hair. He steals your breath as he deepens the kiss, his hands roaming your sides and across your back as you tug him away by his hair. He groans his protest, his eyes still closed as he inhales your scent with his forehead against yours, “I love you, you know that right?” He whispers as his eyes blink open to meet yours again, stepping back to see you completely, his eyes dancing across you as if you were the only thing in the world worth looking at.

“I love you too, so much it hurts,” Your sad chuckle mingles with your words and JJ knows you’ll be okay, he’ll make sure of it. His head swims with your scent while it surrounds him, the look of adoration in your wet eyes as you smile up at him sends him reeling, his hands subconsciously tightening on your waste and his lip tugging between his teeth.

“I think we should get outta here,” his breathless, begging tone brings out a giggle as your head falls against him again, “You were so right earlier, we should stay in and watch a movie yeah?” The teasing tone of his voice sparks a fire in your abdomen as you nod your head, his hands already encircling yours and tugging you out of the bathroom towards the door.

The music is still entirely too loud as you search the room with your eyes, taking notice of the empty couches you had just been sitting at. A pang of regret hit you, imagining Kie being mad at you for….for what? JJ wanted to hear me, you remind yourself as you take a deep breath before speaking, “Where’s Kie? Did I upset her?”

“I have no idea. I followed you when I heard how upset you were, she’ll understand though she knows how I feel about you.” He states matter of factly, “Now, if we don’t get out of here soon we are not making it home before I just find somewhere nice and private to take you on my bike Princess.”

“What have I said that implies I wouldn’t enjoy that Jay?” You tease, letting your lips tickle the shell of his ear, giggling at the groan he releases from deep in his chest while his grip on your hand tightens.

~~~~

[foreingersgod]

omg I saw you wrote for pb and I was wondering your take on her comforting a reader who struggles with mental health or anxiety? Tysmia && I love your work !! ���️🤗

for any of you struggling out there, i’m here with you! if you ever need, my inbox is always open :)

Anxious . PB

pairing: paige bueckers x reader

synopsis: you’ve struggled with anxiety your entire life, but you never told anyone, including paige. during one of your bad anxiety attacks, she finally finds out.

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

since you were young, about starting middle school, anxiety controlled the entirety of your life. every decision, every breathe, every moment, anxiety was driving you. it was so suffocating that you fell behind the other kids. you didn’t play sports or join clubs, nor did you hang out with friends because you feared the worst. those voices in your head, that twisted feeling in your gut made life almost unlivable.

when you graduated high school and moved away for college, the anxiety lessened. you think in some ways college helped you find yourself and for a little bit, you were living freely.

in that time, you met your girlfriend paige. you had met her through one of your mutual friends at her birthday party. paige had spotted you from across the room, completely captivated by you. you were beautiful, had the most adorable laugh, and had the most unique style she had seen. she couldn’t help but ask for your number.

the rest was history. you and paige hit it off immediately and became inseparable. when you were with paige, you felt amazing. anxiety was the last thing on your mind. talking to people became easier, leaving your house was no longer scary, life was good. your days of anxiety and panic attacks were well behind you.

but about a year into your relationship, things started to fall apart again. that particular year, you were facing a lot of hardships and it was hard to manage it all. your mother was rushed to the hospital for a minor respiratory problem, she was recovering well, but the financial burden fell to you. school was beginning to pile up as well, it felt like you were drowning in school work. things at your job had been getting worse too, you were understaffed (and underpaid) and practically running the whole place. and on top of that, it was paige’s last year at uconn and she was so stressed about the upcoming season, and you were finding it hard to balance being her support system and the rest of your life.

it was hard.

when things started to go down hill, you felt that familiar feeling creep its way back into your mind. you found that your heart was pounding more and more when you left your cozy apartment, that your thoughts weren’t your own, and that you were always worried about the future. you couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t function properly at all. but you stayed optimistic, thinking that this would run its course. because you were getting better, right?

you kept all of this from paige. you were worried that she would worry and you didn’t want to make things worse. after all, you had never even told paige about your struggles with anxiety and mental health in the past and you wanted to keep it that way.

on one saturday night in june, one of paige’s teammates hosted a small get together at a quaint little restaurant with the team and their partners. everyone was stoked to see one another and catch up. normally, you would have loved this sort of thing. you used to love those types of settings, but now you were struggling to act excited about it. when paige had told you about the invite, you immediately became apprehensive.

“you excited?” she asked, telling you the details of the event “it’ll be fun”

“stoked” you managed to croak out.

when 6:00 pm rolled around, you were dressed and ready to go. paige was downstairs, keys in hand, awaiting your arrival, but you remained in the bathroom. you stared at your reflection in the mirror, trying to talk yourself down from a panic attack.

you can do this, YN, it’s gonna be ok you told yourself.

“YN!” you heard paige holler from the bottom of the stairs “we’re gonna be late, babe! are you ready?”

touching up your hair and fanning the tears out of your eyes, you rushed out of the bathroom. paige greeted you by the front door with a kiss, hands finding the small of your back and leading you out to her car.

the drive was dreadful. all you could think about was going home, thinking that something was going to go wrong and ruin your night. it had you discretely biting your nails as you looked out the car window. paige, oblivious to your agitated state, was telling you about the restaurant the get together was held at and how she was exited for you to try it. you nodded along, trying to keep yourself distracted.

after a painfully long drive to your destination, you were being escorted to the table where your party sat. you were met with toothy smiles and cheerful greetings from paige’s teammates as you arrived. paige pulled out your chair for you and sat down next to you while conversing with a few of the girls.

you were doing fine at first, only sparking up conversation with a few girls to keep your anxiety at bay. you were managing. even when the waiters began taking orders, you got through it no problem. laughter filled your small corner of the restaurant as everyone joked and talked with each other, there was absolutely nothing to be worried about.

20 minutes passed, discussion was still alive and you were getting through the night like a champ.

until the food was brought out.

the second that plate was sat in front of you, you felt the pace of your heart pick up. you didn’t know what was going on, but for some reason, the thought of eating your food in front of all of these people set you off. you hadn’t had a history of this, normally you didn’t mind eating in public. you assumed it must of been the stress of keeping food down. you stared at the steaming meal in front of you like it was some sort of extraneous creature. just the thought of lifting up the fork had you spiraling about every possible thing that could go wrong.

what if you threw up?

what if the food was raw?

what if everyone saw the way that you were eating? they’ll probably think you look funny.

your eyes welled up at the thought of it all, your head hung low to hide your dampened mood. your legs were bouncing uncontrollably to try and balance your nerves, body practically shaking from fear.

as you attempted to reserve yourself, praying no one would notice. you felt paige’s hand rest itself onto your knee, gripping it gently to halt your bouncing. she tapped the inside of your thigh, leaning in and whispering into your ear.

“hey, what’s the matter baby?” she muttered just enough for you to hear “you’re shaking”

you bit your lip harshly. fuck

you shook your head. it was all you could muster, couldn’t find the ability in your throat to produce any words. the urge to cry out for help gnawed at your chest.

before paige could question any further, you abruptly stood out of you chair. the wooden legs scraping against the black and white tile of the floor. as your back turned, rushing to the bathroom for any sort of isolation, you felt eyes burning in the back of your head. you heard paige call out for you faintly, but it was no use, you couldn’t sit at that table a moment longer.

the bathroom felt miles away as scurried past other tables. tears were streaming down your cheeks, most definitely taking your mascara with it. finally reaching the single occupant bathroom, you shut the door and locked it behind you. you were careless of the germs as you sunk to the bathroom floor in despair. knees hugged close to your chest and head buried into your arms. sobs racked your body and trepidation coursed through your veins. you were losing control of yourself.

out of the blue a knock sounded at the bathroom door. assuming it was another diner of the restaurant, you ignored it hoping they would move along. then you heard her.

“YN, are you in there? are you ok, what the hell is going on?” paige’s voice rang through the door.

“i’m fine” you hiccuped “i’ll be out in a second, i just need to pee is all”

“don’t lie to me” she said “you were shaking and sobbing when you left the table, the hell you just have to pee”

you continued to cry, loud enough for paige to hear.

“baby, please, what can i do? what’s going on, i want to help” she pleaded.

past all the pain your mind was putting you through, you yearned for paige. she made you feel so safe, the whole reason you were able to battle your anxiety in the first place. you didn’t want to rope her into this, but it was far past keeping it a secret now.

with hands still trembling, you unlocked the door and let her in. without wasting a second, she was at your side, locking the door behind her. her arms wrapped around you protectively, rubbing your back to comfort you as you fell to the floor again. she sat with you as you crawled into her. your head tucked into her chest as you cried, tears soaking into her shirt, fingers clinging to the fabric. paige tried to move the hair out of your face to get a better look at you.

“you’re scaring me, YN” a worried expression washed across her face “what can i do? who do i have to fight, huh?”

she tried to cheer you up, accepting defeat once you cried harder.

“i-i don’t-” you were struggling to speak still “i don’t even know where to start paige!”

she pulled you closer to her chest “just try baby, take your time. i’m right here with you, we’ve got all the time in the world ok. just get it all out, you’re safe”

and that was all it took for you to completely break down if front of your girlfriend. every detail from the last few days, from your past, everything about your anxiety came spilling out.

“before i met you, i had chronic anxiety. like so bad i could barely leave the house. then i moved away for school and it got better, and when i met you it pretty much went away. but you know with my mom? and school and work and now you’re in your last season with your team? it’s just been getting to me and the anxiety has started to get worse again. i can’t eat or sleep right and i feel like i’ve been losing my fucking mind, paige”

she was such an amazing listener, sitting there on the dirty bathroom floor as her girlfriend bawled into her shoulder. the whole time her eyes were glued to you, gentle fingers carefully wiping your tears away.

“why didn’t you tell me all of this? tell me about the eating and the sleeping? YN, it makes me sick imagining you going through all this alone”

“because i didn’t want you to worry and i was too embarrassed to say anything”

“well i’m worried now” she said “and embarrassed? baby…”

“i know, it’s silly, but i was just scared you’d think of me less if you knew what a mess i am when i get anxiety like this”

“i could never think less of you. ever. please know that”

“but i-”

“no, listen” she interrupted “just because you struggle with your mental health or have a hard time dealing with your anxiety doesn’t mean i’ll think anything less of you. you’re my whole world. this life and in the next, you’re my entire soul. i want nothing more than to be here for you and to help you overcome things like this. if anything, it only proves to me how strong you are and how i’m so lucky to have a girl who’s able to get through all this”

you sniffled, tears stopping as she continued “i love you, more than you know. and i’m sorry you felt like you needed to do this on your own”

you really had the best girlfriend out there. someone who loves you even through your own insecurities.

“i love you so much” you kissed her with your lips salty from the tears “thank you for being here, i don’t know what i’d do without you”

“get through all this just the same because that’s how strong you are. i’m just here to help in anyway you need” paige leaned in for another kiss, this time deeper, strong hands cradling your jaw “how about i go tell the team you’re not feeling well and we’ll go back home, eat some ice cream and watch anything you want?”

you nodded, wiping your cheeks with the back of your palm “even new girl?”

“yea baby, even new girl”

moments later, you were back in the comfort of your home. snuggled in bed next to paige, bowls of ice cream on your lap, the tv buzzing in the background.

you could finally breathe again, you just needed your girl.

[joelslastofus]

[SUMMARY: Joel helps out Tommy’s pregnant girlfriend while he’s in jail while secretly having feelings for her.]

Drama fluff

PART TWO

“Don’t work yourself up, darlin’. Any man would be stupid to not appreciate you growin’ a baby for em…be stupid to not want a family with you…” he looked down at you as you looked up into his brown eyes.

A few months had passed now as your belly grew…three months to be exact. Due to complications with his case Tommy had not been released yet, Joel would drive you to visit him every week. He only did it because he didn’t want you traveling alone, he never felt his brother deserved it. After todays sonogram you had planned to visit him. You always felt conflicted when going to visit him wishing things were different.

Joel stood beside you as a new doctor entered the room to perform the sonogram.

“Where is Dr.Edwards?” You asked a bit anxious only wanting to be treated by those you were familiar with.

“He had an emergency today so I’ll be taking care of his patients, how are we feeling today?” He asked with a warm smile.

“Good, a lot of kicking” you lay back staring at the ceiling as Joel stood beside you looking down at you. As the months had passed you and Joel had grown very close. You appreciated his time and care for you, you always wished Tommy was more like his older brother. The doctor went and placed the cold gel on your belly and proceeded to move his hand around getting a good look.

“Oh yeah look at that, he’s dancing around in there” the doctor laughed looking at the screen.

“Yes,it’s all especially at bed time” you sighed with a chuckle.

“And he’s a big boy, I could see-“ the doctor continued pointing at the screen.

“He’s going to be tall like daddy” the doctor pointed at Joel beside you. The both of you froze not knowing what to say..

“Um-he-“ you decided to not even bother as the doctor became distracted by the screen and let it be. Joel held back a chuckle as he lightly chewed on his bottom lip.

Every sonogram appointment was bittersweet, you loved seeing your son moving around but it broke your heart that Tommy wasn’t enjoying any of this with you.

“Everything looks great, I’ll see you back in three weeks" the doctor stopped before you and pulled his glasses down to the bridge of his nose looking at you and Joel.

"I assume dad is helping you around the house-“ he looked at Joel making you blush in embarrassment.

“Don’t let her overwork herself, that’s a big boy she’s carrying” he teased before rubbing your shoulder.

“Take care of yourselves” the doctor chuckled as he walked out leaving you and Joel awkwardly alone.

Not knowing what to say you simply allowed Joel to help you off the bed and walked out with him.

“Sorry about that” you suddenly spoke as you walked beside him to his truck.

“For what?”

“The doctor…you know…the dad stuff..” he opened the car door for you with a shrug.

“That don’t bother me, darlin’. I can play along” he winked at you making you look down with a smile.

“Well seriously, I'm so grateful with how helpful you have been with me, Joel…you don’t have to do any of this,”

“Hey…that’s my nephew you’re carrying, course I’m gonna help” he gave you his arm to hold to get in the car and closed the door.

“What would I do without you, Joel” you whispered to yourself watching him walk around the car to the drivers seat. You had no idea the true thoughts going through his mind.

Joel drove beside you looking over at you as you looked out the window. Every week you visited Tommy while carrying his growing son inside of you, and he never seemed appreciative of anything you did. Joel hated seeing it..

“I have the sonograms to give to Tommy so he can see how big our boy is” you smiled looking down at the photos as he peaked at them while driving.

“Do you think he’ll be happy to see?” You looked over at Joel noticing he seemed a bit upset.

“What’s wrong?” He quickly changed his expression and shook his head.

“Nothin’, just trynna get there”

“I’m sorry” you sighed.

“I don’t mean to bore you with all of this baby talk, it’s just-“

“Don’t you apologize honey, ya ain’t borin’ me” he assured you as he drove, finally arriving to the place.

Joel entered with you, standing beside you as you gave your information to see Tommy.

“Uh, Tommy Miller is no longer available for visits until further notice-“

“Excuse me?” Joel took a step forward beside you.

“What? What do you mean?” You asked confused.

“Yesterday evening he was involved in an altercation and lost visiting privileges” the officer explained.

“What?” Your heart beginning to race as anxiety took over and Joel could see it. Something didn’t sound right but what the hell did you know how any of this shit worked.

“What altercation? Is he ok?”

“We have no further information on the situation mam, you will have to call his-“

“No! I would like to see if he’s ok!” You began to scream before feeling Joel delicately pull you away from the window.

“Who can I speak to about this that can give us more information now” Joel asked directly.

“As I told the lady, Sir, you will have to call in the morning-“

“Is he alright?” Joel asked making the officer narrow his eyes on him.

“Please man just give her that…she’s pregnant for Gods sake” the officer took one look at you and gave in.

“He’s fine, he’s the one that did the damage. He has no access to visitors or phone calls until further notice”

“Shit” you whispered in a cry placing your hand on your forehead and turning away.

“Does he know?” You asked hoping maybe there would be a message Tommy had for you.

“Yes he does” the officer responded.

“How long is it gonna be like this?” You quickly asked before leaving.

“Could be a few months, all depends on how he behaves” pressing your lips together you walked out as fast as you could in disbelief.

“Hey” Joel called out to you catching up with you just as you got to the truck.

“Hey, easy-“

“How could he be so stupid!” You screamed slamming your hand on the truck.

“Try to relax-“

“I am six months pregnant, Joel! A few months I can’t see him or speak directly to him? I am due in November! It’s enough he can’t be here..What if-“

“Look at me” Joel unexpectedly grabbed your face.

“I will call tomorrow morning and see what I find out, I need you to stay calm until then. Can ya do that for me?” You sighed and slowly nodded.

“Now let’s go back to my place, dinner on me. Whatever you and little man are in the mood for alright?”

You chuckled softly, Joel was always trying to make you laugh.

“Sounds good” you whispered although he could see the clear concern in your eyes before he helped you in the truck.

The whole ride to his house he watched as you silently cried through the reflection of the window. You wouldn’t turn his way, you wouldn’t speak, he hated Tommy for this. All his brother did was hurt you time after time with no sense of remorse.

Once arriving at the house Sarah greeted you excitedly rubbing your belly with a grin.

“How’s my cousin doing?”

“Good, killing my back” you smiled softly but Sarah could tell you were upset and trying to hide it. Your eyes were puffy, it was obvious you had been crying. Joel ordered dinner and the three of you sat together as you silently ate. Silently he kept looking up at you with concern before Sarah finally spoke.

“So are you staying here tonight?”

Joel eagerly waited for you to respond.

“I think you should” she continued.

“I…-“

“You know, Tommy’s room is just gonna be empty for a while. You could stay there so if you need anything we’ll be close by”

Joel suggested, the thought was tempting yet you felt you were being helped enough to now move in.

“Joel, you’ve done enough for me I can’t-“

“Sarah and I would feel better if you stayed close, with the baby’s due date gettin’ closer and all…” he insisted, you sighed looking down. The idea didn’t sound bad at all yet the thought of staying alone in Tommy’s empty room depressed you.

“I suppose…just for some time”

Joel smiled in relief feeling better with you staying with him.

The days went on and still there was no call from Tommy. Joel trying to get through multiple times would only end up going in circles yet you appreciated how much he tried for you.

Three in the morning and you couldn’t sleep you found yourself standing in the kitchen eating ice cream. Staring into space thinking about the reality of the situation when Joel walked into the kitchen.

“Oh-I’m sorry if I woke you” you looked a bit embarrassed as he shook his head assuring you he had been awake. He stared at you for a moment and couldn’t help but smirk.

“What?” You raised a brow only causing him to chuckle.

“You’re laughing at me?”

“No mam” he quickly shook his head.

His eyes tracing over your swollen belly as you stood in the kitchen barefoot in a night gown eating ice cream out of the container.

“You just…you look beautiful…” your eyes slightly widened not expecting his compliment.

“Oh, well..thank you..”you blushed quickly putting away the ice cream.

“Was just craving some chocolate” you chuckled.

“Did you get your fix?” He asked with a tilt of his head.

“Yes, I think he liked it too” you laughed as you rubbed your belly.

“Stay right there” Joel unexpectedly grabbed something out of the cabinet.

“What?” You whispered as he pulled out a Polaroid camera.

“A picture?” you raised a brow.

“A picture of you pregnant, why not?” You smiled looking down, you realized you hadn’t taken any photos of yourself pregnant. With a silent nod you stood against the wall, holding your belly with a smile. Joel took a step back taking the photo, his eyes still on you as he bought the camera down.

“You think that came out ok?”

“Perfect” he whispered just as you noticeably winced.

“Movin’ a lot?” Joel asked taking a step forward.

“Yes, it’s always around the same time he’s more hyper than others, do you wanna feel?” You stepped forward taking a hold of Joel’s hand and placed it on the spot you usually felt him in. Joel awkwardly stood still as you held his hand, a few seconds passed and you felt the baby moving again.

“Jesus..” he whispered with a smile. Your hand softly placed over his large hand as he continued to feel the baby move.

“He does move a lot” Joel uttered as he looked down at your belly.

“Was Sarah like this when her mother was pregnant?” You noticed his expression slightly change at the mention of Sarah’s mother as he looked up. Slowly releasing his hand he took a step back.

“That’s kind of a blur to me, if I’m being honest. Her mother didn’t enjoy being pregnant, she realized a little too late that it wasn’t something she wanted.” You had never heard what happened to Sarahs mother, nor did you ever ask but you were always curious.

“So….she just left?” You whispered hesitantly as he cleared his throat and leaned back on the counter.

“Mhm”

You raised your brows in silence.

“How old was Sarah when she left?”

“Four months old”

“Oh wow, I’m so sorry, Joel” you responded.

“I ain’t, it was better for Sarah” you nodded in response, you knew he was a great father.

“It’s a shame…” you whispered.

“When a parent doesn’t…doesn’t prioritize their baby..” you swallowed trying to fight back tears.

“Tommy knew what would happen if he started anything there, he knew I wouldn’t be able to see him. He doesn’t care about the risks he takes knowing I’m pregnant” you whispered.

“I shouldn’t be surprised, he’s always been like this. I just…I guess a part of me hoped this would help him change” you quickly wiped away a tear as you cradled your belly.

“How stupid of me to think that it would-“

“Hey, Tommy’s the stupid one” he quickly interrupted.

“I just wanted a happy family with him” you began to cry as Joel took a step forward.

“C’mere” he placed an arm around you, his chin leaning on your head.

“Don’t work yourself up, darlin’. Any man would be stupid to not appreciate you growing a baby for em…be stupid to not want a family with you…” he looked down at you as you looked up into his brown eyes. Gently he wiped your tears away with his thumb when he noticed you looking at his lips. Unexpectedly you tip toed and kissed him, he didn’t move in shock. A second later he kissed you passionately before you abruptly pulled away.

“Oh my god-“ you gasped.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I-I’m sorry” you quickly ran to your room in shock.

“Wait-“ he called out to you but you didn’t listen.

Closing the door shut, your hand on your lips you couldn’t believe what you had just done.

Tommy’s brother? How could you be so stupid? The feel of guilt heavy in your chest, never had you betrayed Tommy this way.

Joel stood in the kitchen alone replaying in his mind what had just happened. Something he had wanted to do for so long yet didn’t expect in that moment…

The next day you woke up earlier than Joel and planned to take a cab to work. Sarah, who was always an early bird watched on confused as you grabbed your bag before looking at the time.

“Are you gonna wait for dad to take you?” She asked as you rushed to the door.

“No, I start earlier today. I’ll see you later, have a great day” You left the house before Joel’s alarm woke him.

Joel came down the stairs pulling down his shirt expecting to see you having breakfast with Sarah, expecting to speak to you once she left for school.

“Where’s y/n?” He asked curiously as Sarah ate her scrambled eggs.

“She said she started earlier today that she didn’t need the ride” Joel remained silent looking away.

During the early afternoon you had received a call that Tommy would be allowed visits. You didn’t know how to feel, Tommy had cheated on you many times in the past yet this somehow felt worse because he didn’t expect it from you.

Joel had thought about you all day, even calling your cell but never got an answer. Once you returned you hoped Joel wasn’t home yet there he was on the couch beside Sarah waiting for your return. Once you walked through the door he quickly stood up, yet you couldn’t speak. Walking into the kitchen you could hear his steps following behind, before he could say a word you spoke.

“They’re letting Tommy accept visits now” you blurt out making him stop in his tracks. You couldn’t even look him in the eye as you took a deep breath.

“I’m going to see him today-“

“I’ll take you,” Joel responded quickly.

“No, I…you shouldn’t” you whispered.

“I ain’t lettin’ you go out there alone” he took a step forward.

“I been worried about you all damn day, let me take you” he insisted, silently you gave in.

Neither of you said a word as he drove to the prison. Your stomach turning, your heart in your throat as you sat beside Joel waiting to see Tommy.

Confusion wasn’t the word.

Yesterday wasn’t right, you knew it wasn’t…yet you couldn’t get the feel of his damn lips out of your mind. Joel kept looking over at you itching to say something about the night before but he didn’t know how.

“You alright?” He asked with a deep breath.

“I-“

“Look about last night” he quickly interrupted.

“Don’t” you whispered.

“I don’t know what got into me. My hormones, my mind…I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry” you still couldn’t look at him blaming it on anything you could think of.

“Ya don’t gotta apologize” Joel responded, he wanted it more than you knew.

“Just leave it” you shook your head as he pulled into the parking area.

There was Tommy on the other side of the glass in his orange jumpsuit. He looked angry grabbing the phone as you slowly sat before him.

“Tommy-“

“What the hell was so important that you needed to come today” Joel instantly leaned forward beside you like a body guard on watch.

“She was worried about you Tommy”

“Well as you can see I’m fine right? And you,” he looked at Joel.

“Stop giving her damn rides over here” you looked at him in shock.

“You don’t want to see me” you whispered as felt a knot in your throat.

“For what? There’s no point” he bluntly responded. The sound in his voice, the words he used broke your heart. Pressing your lips together you hung up the phone and walked out as Joel looked down at his brother angrily and grabbed the phone.

“You always gotta be an ass huh”

“She’ll get over it” Tommy shrugged.

Joel flared his nostrils taking a deep breath, it was by luck that his brother was behind a glass in that moment.

Joel walked out to find you sitting in the truck looking down. You didn’t move as he got in, he himself not knowing what to say. Joel drove constantly looking over at you to make sure you were ok, you had remained silent staring into space.

“Look, Tommy is-“

“I don’t wanna hear it, I don’t care to” you looked straight ahead as he nodded and respected your wishes.

Walking inside his home you walked quickly to Tommy’s bedroom and decided to pack your belongings. Joel hesitantly following you inside until he noticed you throw your open luggage on the bed.

“What are you doin’?” he asked with furrowed brows as you began to pack.

“Going back home” you whispered without looking up.

“No-why? Look Tommy got nothin’ to do with me wantin’ to help-“

“Forget Tommy!” You screamed unexpectedly.

“I don’t need him” you continued moving back and forth grabbing your belongings from the closet.

“Look, you’re upset right now and I understand-“

“You really don’t understand so leave me alone” Joel pressed his lips together, the thought of you leaving and staying alone towards the end of your pregnancy all because of Tommy didn’t feel right to him.

“Don’t-“ he caught your arm stopping you from packing more clothes away.

“Let go of me, Joel” you whispered.

“No” he could tell you were holding back tears, holding back anger.

“Let go!” You screamed failing to pull your arms back. A part of you not wanting him to let you go but you felt leaving was the smart thing to do. After the kiss…you knew it wasn’t best for you to stay.

“Tommy doesn’t care about me or this baby-“

“Well I do, dammit” he almost yelled.

“Stop it” you shook your head as you began to cry, he wasn’t making this any easier.

“You’re his brother, I am pregnant with his baby and I kissed you and-“

“That’s why you wanna leave?” He whispered leaning closer towards you. The feelings you felt overflowing inside you, resentment and anger towards Tommy…yet safe with Joel. Maybe it was more than just safety with Joel…the kissed you both shared still heavy on your mind...

“I kissed you and-“

“I haven’t stopped thinkin’ about it since it happened” he admitted in a whisper, taking the words right out of your mouth.

“And you still think it’s right for me to stay?”

“I want you to” he insisted just as you both heard the door open and Sarah walked in.

“Dad? What’s going on?” Joel quickly let go of you as Sarah looked at all your stuff on the bed.

“You’re leaving?” She asked with concern.

“I-“

“Please don’t go, I really like when you’re here” Sarah made you smile with her words.

“I’m not going anywhere” you assured her.

“Did you see Uncle Tommy?”

You swallowed anxiously as your smile vanished.

“How about we get ready for dinner” Joel interrupted. She agreed not pushing the topic and left back to the living room.

Sitting at the table in silence Sarah stared back between you and her father. She knew something was off, she knew her father very well.

“So how was everyone’s day?” She asked making you look up.

“Good, how was school?”

“Yeah, how was that test you had?” Her father looked over at her.

“Aced it” she smiled.

“That’s my girl” Joel grinned before continuing to eat his food.

Once dinner was finished your proceeded to get up and collect the dishes.

“I’ll start washing these”

“How about you sit back and put those feet up, I think you’ve done enough today” Joel took the dishes out of your hands and walked to the kitchen. Sarah raised her brows holding in a chuckle.

“My dads not gonna let you lift a finger now that you’re staying here”

“Well, I appreciate that but I can still do things” you assured her before walking to the couch and laying back. Putting your feet up didn’t seem so bad, you sighed feeling the breeze from the window as your eyes began to close and you fell asleep.

An hour later you woke up a little confused not realizing you had fallen asleep. Joel was sitting on the couch beside you reading a book until he heard you move around.

“What time is it?”

“Eight thirty” he responded as you sighed.

“Geez,” Joel quickly stood up as you tried to push yourself up. Slowly he helped you up as you winced feeling an ache in your back.

“You alright?” He asked holding you steady.

“Yeah, I just need to walk” you assured him and slowly made your way to the kitchen rubbing your eyes. Leaning forward on the counter you held your lower back with one hand attempting to stretch your body in a way that would relieve the ache.

“My back has been killing me all day” you arched your back again attempting to relieve pressure when you suddenly felt Joel behind you, his hands pressing into your lower back.

“What are you doing?” You whispered awkwardly.

“Tryna help you”

“No, I don’t think-“ you attempted to turn back but Joel held you in place.

“Stay still, I know what I’m doin’. I promise I ain’t gonna try nothin’” he assured you assuming that was going through your head. Little did he know, it wasn’t the fear of him trying something, it was the thought of enjoying feeling his hands on you.

Leaning forward you closed your eyes as Joel worked his hands throughout your back. He sure did know how to work them, feeling the relief of pressure you moaned softly.

“Oh that feels…wonderful”

Joel smiled watching your body relax, your shoulders calmly drop as he continued to massage you.

He genuinely only wanted to make you feel comfortable knowing you had no one else to help you with this. Feeling you close was just a bonus for him.

“You’re the best” you whispered just as you both heard one of the bedroom doors open.

Sarah came out to see her father massaging your back as you awkwardly turned forward taking a deep breath.

“Hi Sarah”

She smiled as she walked into the kitchen and began to make herself a sandwich.

“I bet uncle Tommy is happy you’re getting help, I can’t imagine how scared he was with you alone” your smile dropped as Joel rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yeah” you responded softly.

“Well, I’m gonna get ready for bed. I’ll see you two in the morning” you walked past the both of them as Joel watched you walk into the bedroom. Sarah noticed just how her father kept his eyes on you but didn’t say a word yet she knew him well enough to know there was more she didn’t know about…

[sugrhigh]

BOY NEXT DOOR 2 - ( c.s )

part one

summary- you and your roommates live beside a bunch of senior hockey players, one of them being the infamous team captain chris sturniolo. he’s effortlessly flirty and undeniably attractive, but he’s also a pain in your ass. you find that you have to fight between lust and hatred as you finally get to know the boy next door, whether you want to or not.

warnings- swearing, kissing, that’s it i think

neighbor/hockey!chris x fem!reader

a/n: PART TWOOOOO!!!! i hope u guys like this series i’m having a lot of fun with it (and s/o to my girl @cutenote for letting me use her name). self-indulged this chapter and made the reader a flyers fan so SRY but anyways, enjoy! next thing im putting out is a matt request and then i’ll be working on this series and the tattooartist!reader x matt series. if you have other reqs, questions, confessions, etc, my inbox is open 🫶🏻

@cutenote @mattsmunch @mattybsbitch @breeloveschris @st7rnioioss

your stomach flips as you stare in the mirror, twisting and turning every which way to make sure you look alright. you’re in one of chris’s jerseys, repping the scarlet and white colors of boston university, complete with the little ‘C’ emblem for captain.

he left it in your mailbox earlier on his way to the arena, demanding that you wear it instead of the BU sweatshirt you had planned on going in. so you listened to him, even though you’re not really sure why.

your hair and makeup are all done, contrary to the last time chris saw you, when you were in his house threatening to call the cops. it feels performative, getting all dressed up for something you don’t even want to go to.

but what the hell, you hadn’t seen the team play at all this year, and if you look your best you’ll feel your best. at least, that’s what you convinced yourself would happen.

“are you done up there? we need to leave, games gonna start soon!” one of your roommates calls from the living room.

you sigh and turn away from your own reflection so you can head for the stairs. cassidy and ramona are both waiting for you on the couch as you round the corner, also decked out in BU merch.

you’re just lucky you had been able to convince them both to come with you, so you don’t have to stand by yourself.

“took you long enough.” cassidy mumbles under her breath as she stretches her legs and stands up.

mona mimicks her movements, but not without shooting her a glare. “be nice, she’s obviously nervous.”

“no i’m not!” you protest, and now they both give you an eye roll as they pass you to get their coats from the closet.

“your voice just went up ten octaves.” cass snarks.

you are anxious, but it’s just because of the unknown. you still haven’t figured out what chris is angling at, besides maybe sleeping with you, which isn’t gonna happen. well, probably not at least.

no, not ever. oh my god.

“i’m not nervous. i just wish i could back out.” you double down, turning to see them both pulling on their big winter jackets.

“you used to love hockey, you just don’t like chris. one game won’t kill you.” ramona replies.

“and you also didn’t have to agree.”

this accusation makes your face flush, in embarrassment and in denial. “he wouldn’t have stopped that party if i didn’t. and you know i could never actually call the cops.”

ramona stays silent as cass laces up her shoes. “whatever you say babe. you look cute in his jersey either way.”

“cassidy!” you whine in exasperation.

“i’m honestly not sorry.”

the entire walk to the get to the game is spent harassing you, which is a solid twenty minutes because you live off campus. ramona does try to keep it to a minimum, though you can’t really blame them for the questions. you have them too.

it’s always been weird with you and chris. you hate his attitude, how people fall to his feet like he’s some sort of god. you can’t stand the way he talks to you like he can read your mind, or how you always catch him staring at your lips just so he can pretend like he wasn’t.

he does it to every girl, and you don’t know why he’s taking all of these extra steps to try and get you into bed.

maybe because you see through it, and you don’t want any part of him. he said it himself, he doesn’t want a relationship, and you’re not looking to get an STD, so you don’t know why he’s bothering.

you finally arrive at the facility, and your stomach flips. tons of people are out tonight, of course. the sun is long gone with it being winter and all, so the lights are extra overwhelming as you step inside.

you head through security and scan your passes, ones that are specifically right beside the student section in the very front. chris gifted them to you for free since you didn’t get season tickets, right by the glass so he knows where you are.

even when you were a pain in the ass and insisted you needed two more for your roommates, he made it work. it was a little impressive.

you find your seats, and the boys are already on the ice warming up. you spot chris from the jersey number, 3, and you can see his long hair poking out from underneath his helmet.

he’s focused on taking a practice shot, but as he skates by the glass afterwards you see him looking, like he isn’t sure if you showed up. but then he finds you, and you can actually see his stupid smile.

he waves, just a tiny one, before he goes right back to drills. you’re thankful he didn’t make it dramatic, because you know there’s plenty of girls in the stands who want him, and have probably already been with him.

you each take your coats off and hang them on your chairs. you know the fact that you having his last name plastered across your back doesn’t help the attention, but people can think what they want.

you don’t give a fuck. cassidy was right, it’s cuter on you anyways.

they head into the locker room quickly after your arrival, and even more people fill in to watch the show. the student section is loud as the facility finally goes dark, and the team skates back onto the ice moments later.

spotlights flood the stadium, highlighting different players as both teams line up along the neutral zone. you cheer extra loud when they announce the starting lineup and call chris’s name, even despite your vendetta against him.

no use being a shitty fan if you’re already here.

they get ready for the face off after the national anthem, and BU gets the puck. it’s back and forth for a while, and you find yourself groaning and cheering with the rest of the crowd during every play.

the first goal of the game is scored within fifteen minutes, by one of his other roommates ben, of all people. you and your friends are jumping around like maniacs, and you can see him laughing at you guys after they’re all done celebrating on the ice.

it makes you wonder if chris told them you’d be here, but you force yourself to eat the popcorn cass bought and stop thinking about it.

the second period begins and BU keeps possession for most of it, pretty much dominating their opponent. in the final thirty seconds, chris drives down the rink to score another goal.

you throw your hands up without thinking, and you let the excitement take over. “fuck yeah!”

cassidy and ramona are screaming too, shaking you by the shoulders wildly.

he comes skating over, pointing right at you as he does a lap near the student section. heads turn, and you can literally feel people staring at you now, even despite the noise and the chaos.

but you’re alive, and you can’t get enough of this environment, so you keep cheering for him regardless of the burning feeling of eyes on you.

“that was cute.” ramona nudges you with a genuine smile, and you’re fighting your own grin as you shake your head.

“whatever.”

the rest of the game is swift. your goalie makes a couple great saves, and a guy named dylan, who you’ve met before at parties, scores the final point of the night.

it just twists the knife further, because it’s a total shutout. the fans go wild as the final buzzer sounds, and you’re right there with them. you relish in the lights, the feeling.

you really did miss watching hockey in person. and you can’t even say you necessarily hate watching chris anymore. there’s just something about the way he skates, so locked in on the game.

he’s a threat, to be completely honest, and you kind of love it.

“that was fucking crazy.” cassidy is beaming happily as you guys gather your things ten minutes post-game, and ramona nods along.

“we’re gonna have to do this more often.” she glances at you with hope.

“hey, don’t look at me. i’m in it for the free tickets, and i’m not sure how long that’ll last.” you’re lying through your teeth, because you enjoyed it just as much.

but again. who knows what he’s really trying to do here.

“you could give him the benefit of the doubt.” mona suggests dryly.

“does he really deserve it? he’s going to think he’s the shit either way.” you point out, and she goes quiet.

“maybe that’s true, but i’ve never heard of him doing whatever that celebration was with other girls.” cassidy takes over, and she’s honestly check-mated you.

it is strange, because when you watched games last season, before you had chris as your neighbor, before you even really knew of him, you hadn’t ever seen that. and from current knowledge, you’re pretty sure he had a short term girlfriend during one of those months.

“touché, i guess.” you grumble, and as if right on que your phone vibrates in your pocket.

chris

wait for me, 15 mins max

ramona and cassidy take the bus home, leaving you on your lonesome as the crowd clears out slowly but surely.

you can hear girls whispering about you as they walk by, but it’s not even worth it. you’re not scared of what they have to say. maybe when you were younger, you would have reacted, but it’s just displaced jealousy anyways.

they don’t even know the truth.

finally, after what feels like a painful amount of time, you get a text from chris with directions toward the locker rooms.

it’s far more quiet now as you make your way to the ground level of the arena, headed to the section of the rink you know is closed off to pretty much everyone else. there’s a guy standing there, dressed in his black shirt with the facility logo on it.

he goes to stop you, but chris comes strutting through the hall, out of uniform now. his brown hair is all messy, and he’s dressed down in a matching black sweat set.

“she’s cool, i have a pass for her.”

he walks right up to you, looping a red lanyard over your head. his fingertips brush the skin of your neck as he collects your hair with his hands, flipping it out from underneath the string for you.

it’s a small thing. his touch is barely there, and yet it still burns.

the security guy smiles at you as you follow chris down the hall. you’ve never been back here before, and you have to admit it’s kind of cool.

you can see where the arena workers go on and off the ice, and the large garage type doors that let the zambonis in and out.

“so.” he breaks the silence, and you almost jump at the sound of his voice.

you were in your own world, and you kind of forgot what was actually going on here.

“so.” you parrot, waiting for him to continue as he leads you around a corner.

“looked like you actually had fun for once.” chris jokes, and you shove his shoulder half-heartedly.

“shut up, i’ve always liked hockey. you though? i’m not so sure.” you give him a look and he opens his mouth like he’s shocked.

“come on, i pointed you out after my goal and everything. you’re telling me you didn’t like it even a little?”

you liked it more than you care to admit, so you don’t. “it’s gonna take more than that to impress me, christopher, but i will say it was a good game.”

“you might just be our lucky charm.” chris glances at you out of the corner of the corner of his eye as he slows to a stop in front of the locker room.

you cross your arms over your chest. “now you're just patronizing me.”

“always assuming the worst.”

“well, you make it easy.” you tease.

he pauses to look down at your defensive stance, at his jersey all scrunched up around your body, and you can tell by his smirk that he’s loving it a little too much.

you clear your throat to try and alleviate some of the tension and chris snaps out of it, turning to head through the little entryway.

“i’m gonna grab my bag, don’t go anywhere.”

“you’re my ride, dumbass.” you remind him, and you hear his chuckle reverberate against the walls as he disappears.

a few players head out as you wait, ones you don’t recognize, and they nod at you politely as they chat amongst themselves. it actually takes you by surprise, but you try not to show it.

chris comes back into the hall a minute later, bag slung around his shoulder. he’s got a black bruins beanie on now, and you raise an eyebrow instinctively.

“why are you looking at me like that?” he asks, waving his hand so you follow him further down the wide corridor.

“your hat.” you point, and he looks offended.

“what’s your problem with it?”

“not everyone who goes to school here is actually from boston, genius. i’m a flyers fan.” you smile at him sweetly, and he literally groans.

“how did i not know this?” he asks as you guys reach the door that leads to the team parking lot.

“because you don’t know me.” you reply swiftly.

chris pushes the door open and holds it for you, another move you don’t expect. “i know more than you think.”

you shiver slightly as you step past him into the cold, wrapping your coat around yourself a bit tighter.

“if it helps you sleep at night.” you chirp over your shoulder.

you know his car, a black jeep grand cherokee that you’ve always been a little jealous of, and it’s sitting in the middle of the lot. not many others are still here, and you can hear both of your feet kicking up gravel as you walk.

chris picks up his pace so he can beat you there, swinging the passenger door open before you can do it yourself.

“wow, chivalry’s not dead.” you say blankly, sliding into the seat so he can close you in.

“what can i say, i’m a real gentleman.”

the interior smells like a pine air freshener, which actually isn’t a bad touch. chris walks around so he can toss his bag in the back and get behind the wheel, starting the engine and peeling out of the spot.

it’s quiet for a moment, aside from the music, and you can’t help but peek over at him sitting across from you. the shadows accentuate his striking features as he mumbles lyrics under his breath, nodding his head along ever so slightly.

he looks pretty, and you don’t like it one bit.

“i can feel you staring at me, you know.” chris turns to glance at you for a brief moment before he puts his eyes back on the road.

it makes your palms sweat, because he caught you in the act and now there’s no shying away.

deny, deny, deny.

“just wondering why your face looks like that.”

“what, devilishly handsome?” he smirks.

“i was thinking gremlin-esque, but sure.” you deadpan, and he just shakes his head and laughs lowly.

“so scared of your own feelings. it’s cute.”

it’s a major call-out, and it normally doesn’t phase you. but tonight it’s different. he’s being so fucking strange, and it’s clearly been messing with your head.

“i’m not scared of shit, because the only thing i feel is sorry for all the girls who have actually fallen for this.” you retort, and the frustration is clear in your voice.

“other girls don’t get the princess treatment like you do.” his self-satisfied demeanor doesn’t falter for a second, even despite your low blow.

“yeah, right. i’m sure i’m really special.”

chris grips the wheel tighter as he turns onto your street, and you have to rip your eyes away from his long fingers.

“well you’re the only one who’s ever worn my jersey, so that’s something.” he admits, scratching his neck absentmindedly.

you’re not sure whether you believe it, but this time he actually does sound genuinely nervous. well, nervous for chris.

“and i wear it best too.” you brush some imaginary dust off of your shoulder as he pulls up into his driveway and puts the car in park.

“won’t argue on that one.” he shrugs, shooting you an easy grin.

“that’s surprising.”

you step back out into the crisp night air, slamming the door shut behind you. you meet chris at the front of the car and try to move around him, headed for your own place.

he takes a step to block you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “where are you going?”

you put some distance between your bodies, because he’s once again too close for comfort, and it’s hard to focus on your words when he’s inches from your face.

“home, obviously.”

“why? i thought we were going to hang out.” he frowns.

“nothing good ever happens in your house past nine p.m.”

this makes him smirk. “very good things happen in that house past nine p.m.”

“your charm is irresistible, truly.” you bite back sarcastically, maneuvering around him as you try to ignore the fire burning in your stomach.

you’ve only taken two steps before chris grabs your arm, pulling you back into his chest quickly. his other hand goes to hold the side of your face, tangling in your hair as he leans in close.

his lips ghost over yours, just barely. you can smell the cologne he must have put on after the game, can feel his slight stubble scratching your face, and it’s all too much.

you haven’t been kissed in so long, and right now it doesn’t matter that it’s chris, and that it goes against everything you stand for. your eyes flutter closed and you fill the gap, pressing your mouth against his hard.

it shocks him, so much so that he almost forgets how to do this properly. chris can taste your berry chapstick, and your lips are so much fucking softer than he even imagined.

his tongue slides against yours skillfully, deepening the kiss as he presses his body flush against yours. you can feel his thumb brushing your cheek as your mouths clash together continuously. its passionate and angry and intense, and you can’t believe it’s happening.

why is this happening?

the thought snaps you out of it, and you put your hand on his chest to force him away roughly. chris is surprised, and you’re both slack-jawed and breathing heavily as your body tries to catch up with your brain.

“i…i’m gonna go.” you mumble quietly, because you have no idea what else to say.

“or you could stay.”

“i don’t want to.”

“you’re a terrible liar.” he counters, and you can see how raw and red his lips are even in the moonlight.

you shake your head and turn toward your own front porch. it’s too hard to continue meeting his fiery gaze, because he’s looking at you like he actually needs you.

“goodnight, chris.”

“this isn’t over, you know. one day you’ll finally admit it.” he calls after you, and you don’t gratify him with a response.

there’s nothing that’ll change his mind, especially after you had actually caved in during that moment of weakness. it was so unwarranted, and you’re angry that kissing him didn’t feel as wrong as it should have.

you take the steps two at a time and hurry through the door, closing it behind you and pressing your back to the wood.

your fingers dance across your lips, and you swear you can still feel his mouth on yours.

[tothosewholisten]

Forever Healed | TUA insert

Chapter: 00

next chapter>>

Masterlist

…

On the 12th hour of the first day of October 1989. 43 women around the world gave birth. This was unusual in the fact that none of these women had been pregnant when the day first began.

Sir Reginald Hargeeves, eccentric billionaire and adventurer, resolved to locate and adopt as many of the children as possible.

He got seven of them, yes seven.

..

MARCH 21, 2019

I have to be at least somewhat proud of myself for lasting this long. I thought as I sat on the bus, not everyday you are born with magical powers and are destined to save the world from evil. Yes, hearing myself think that sounds crazy. But that's normal in my life.

I had reached my stop after a half an hour of sitting with my earbuds in, listening to nothing at all. I just wanted to seem unapproachable on the sketchy city bus.

My destination was a terribly designed office building, the space was so crammed and ugly it made me want to turn right back around and get on that bus again. But I didn't because I was trying to convince myself that this would be good for me, but I didn't believe my words.

I was about to have a therapy session with some middle-aged white lady who has glasses and tell her all of my life issues, starting every week at 5pm..

It's not like I had anything else going on, I haven't had work for days now. So I thought I'd give it a shot.

The waiting process made me anxious as hell, I finally got the courage to walk up to the front desk and gave the man who sat there my name. And now I have to wait for this lady to get done with some other patient.

I sat on a chair and frowned, like she is really going to be focused on "my" problems and not the 30 other people she sees today.

I swear it was only a second into me zoning out when I heard my name yelled. "Y/n L/n? It's so nice to meet you!" A woman said, when i looked up at her i saw the exact lady i was describing earlier to the closest details.

I let her lead me to a smaller room that looked way better than the lobby. It had two chairs, a water machine, some fidget items and a large window view of the city. Gloria, I learn to be the name of my therapist, asks me to sit with her.

She clears her throat, "I know this is our first session so you may not be the most comfortable sharing details. But I'd like to know a little bit about you if you're okay sharing."

“Well, I’m 29 years old and a home care nurse.” I say slowly. Hearing the words leave my mouth I knew I haven’t amounted to a lot in my years.

"Oh wow, 29? I would've never guessed that Y/n, you don't look a day over 21" Gloria complimented me i give her a tiny smile in return.

I'm not sure why that is, I get that a lot in my working field. Older women saying that they wished they looked as young as me.

"That's a great start for today's session." She smiles, "A little bit me is, you know my name already but I'm 56 years old since Monday. I have 3 children and a cat named Mr. Furball."

I regret what i said earlier because I think I already like Gloria and not just because of Mr. Furball. But the fact that she has a calming sense about her. I find myself listening to what she's saying, and I rarely do that with people nowadays.

"But I would like to hear more about your upbringing, how’d you become the fine young lady you are today?" She says.

Oh, she wants to hear about my childhood. I mean I knew she would ask but so soon, I'm worried about saying anything. So I told her that.

"I'm worried about opening up to someone about my past cause well I've never done it before." I said.

She hands me a cup of water. "That's okay Y/n, we can take it at your pace."

“I grew up in a small house with my mom and dad until I was twelve. When I was scouted by Reginald Hargreeves because of my unique abilities. And I've been there ever since I was 18 when I moved out to live on my own.” I waited for the burst of confusion I was about to get from Gloria. Not everyday one of the Umbrella Academy walks into your office.

“Oh wow…” she says, eyes wide. “You're one of those superheroes? That’s amazing wow.” She nervously chuckles “I’m sorry I’m normally not this shocked about things, and I hear a lot on the daily.”

“It’s okay” I say, staring at my hands.

She clears her throat. “I'm sure being apart of the Umbrella Academy was big but could you tell me about your life before that?”

I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds, pictured my childhood in my brain and opened my mouth.

"Well, I'm sure to this day my father still thinks that my mother cheated on him, due to his "daughter's" virgin Mary-like creation since they were just newlyweds. He held it against my mother all of her life." I took a sip of water and continued.

"I'm not sure why he turned to alcohol. But that turned out as you could expect. He turned on everyone around him and acted like a beast. He regularly attacked my mom for anything she did wrong. But what made him more angry was that his freak of a daughter could heal her mother, after every beating."

"My mom told me before I left I had made her so much happier and in her words. She didn't even question these strange occurrences; she knew her baby was special." I smiled a bit.

I could tell that Gloria was painting a picture in her head of what I was describing too.

"And by the age of 8, I was standing up to my father, even if it didn't end so well. I'd get the beating instead but by the next day, my bloody body would be as good as new. On the surface at least, I had lots of internal issues from that time. But none of that stopped my father from trying to get equal with me.." I stopped talking after that.

My eyes could only focus on my right hand as it was picking at my left hand's skin. It was a habit I picked up as soon as I started to use my powers because I knew my skin would be right back to normal in the next few minutes.

"That's awful y/n I'm so sorry." She frowned. "Would you be okay with continuing?"

I blink up at her. “Yes, that would be okay,” I said. “Then there was this one day..”

..

17 YEARS AGO

“In five, four, three, two. This is Jim Hellerman, reporting live for channel 2 News outside of the Capital West Bank at Main and Sixth. A group of heavily armed men stormed the bank not three hours ago and took an unknown number of hostages.”

That was the big news update of September 2002, I remember. Well I don’t really have to think about it much because I was there with my mom at the bank. She planned on making some deposit when we were screamed at, not to leave by a man who had his gun pointed at us along with so many other civilians. He taped us up and told us to stand in a corner.

That was the first and only time I feared for my life. Police didn’t want them to start shooting, so they didn’t come into the building. Meaning that we were on our own and could die at anytime

One of the armed men walks into the scene unfolding. Sirens blaring, people getting shoved around and threats being made to the innocent.

“Now you’ve put me in a position where I gotta do something I don't want to do. Hmm?” He said talking to another person on his walkie talkie.

My mom brought me closer to her trying to use her body as a shield if things went south. And to us we thought they were about to be.

But strangely, a girl walked up to the man. She’d looked to be around my age in a school uniform and cartoon mask. Her loose curls bounced in the wind as she skipped up to him.

“Shit!” He screams putting his device down. Not noticing the girl until a few seconds after his outburst. “Hey, get back with the others.” He told her, trying to sound intimidating but she didn’t seem to fear him at all.

“I heard a rumor.” She spoke out.

He bent a little to reach her height and get in her face. “What? What did you say?”

She leaned in and cupped her hand to mimic whispering in his ear but loud enough for all of us to hear. “I heard a rumor that you shot your friend in the foot.”

Without any hesitation he did what she commanded and shot the nearest armed man who happened to be trying to rough up my mom. We screamed as he kept shooting.

“We just heard shots from inside the bank. It’s uncertain if any hostages have been harmed in that.”

“There’s some movement on the roof. Possibly law enforcement.”

A loud crash and a boy landed down from the roof. It was crazy he wasn’t harmed at all from that high distance. He was also wearing the same mask and uniform as the girl but he had blond hair. From where he landed he jumped on one of the robbers and started beating him to a pulp, and then throwing him out a glass window.

“Looks like one of the armed robbers had been thrown from the bank.”

Another boy with brown hair runs in from the opposite doors as the girl and yells. “Guns are for sissies. Real men throw knives.” He then threw one of his knives and it curved in the air hitting a robber no where close to where the knife had originally been heading. It was incredible.

“I've been in many hostage situations like this, and it can escalate very quickly.”

The original man hops on a table pointing his gun out at the two of the before seen children plus another one. “Get back you freaks” he says walking back and forth in fear.

“Hey, be careful up there, buddy.” The knife boy calls out.

“Get back now!” The man screams.

“Yeah, I wouldn't want you to get hurt.” The girls mocking voice says.

Right before my eyes another boy teleports behind the man, sitting criss-cross on the table. “Or what?” He said calmly.

The man turns around and shoots at him but before the bullets could hit he teleports again. This time standing up with his arms crossed, clearly not impressed. But the man tries to shoot again.

“Ooh! That’s one badass stapler!” The boy laughs. The man no longer had a gun anymore but a stapler placed in his hand by the kid instead. The boy shoves the stapler into his face and the big man falls back, head hitting the floor before his body does.

“Although there’s been no activity for a few minutes, we’re gonna stay live on location to make sure we don’t miss a thing. In this hostage situation at the Capital West bank.”

The five already counted for children make way for the last and shortest one to make his move. “Do we really need to do this?” He talks quietly.

The blonde one replies to him. “Come on, Ben. There’s more guys in the vault.” So his name was Ben huh?

Ben sighs, “I didn't sign up for this.” Before walking into the room with more people. Large black tendrils illuminated the room as men screaming could be heard behind the door. And a beast roars but then the sound stops and Ben walks out again, this time covered in blood and guts.

He breathes heavily. “Can we go home now?” I felt bad for him.

The kids untied our hands and told us to run. And once it was clear to go my mom started to run out of the doors thinking I was right behind her.

“Now we see the hostages. They— They’re free. They’re scared clearly but they do seem to be unharmed.”

But I was behind her trying to help this older woman who’d slipped on the floor. As I was helping her, the kids walked out too.

“People are coming out now. It’s not the armed robbers. These are schoolchildren in uniforms with masks on. Jim Hellerman, Channel 2 News.”

But there was one not accounted for robber, the one from earlier who had been shot in the foot. I started to run out and call out to my mom who was outside. When the man got up from the floor, cocked his gun and shot at the kids.

Fortunately, he missed them but the bullet hit me.

Questions being asked to the children stopped when they saw my body flail onto the floor outside of the bank doors. I was shot right in the chest. There was blood everywhere and it started to leak over to where the kids were standing. They turned around to see where it was coming from..

Everyone looked horrified and there was a bunch of screaming. Mainly from my mother who was wailing as she ran over to hold me to her chest screaming for me to wake up. And that will be engraved in my memory forever after this day, I never wanted to hear her like this ever again.

Police started to rush over but in a matter of minutes, a miracle seemed to happen. At least to the city that is. There was a yellowish glow around my chest and the blood seemed to have reversed back into my body. Even the stains on my blue dress were gone. The bullet even spit out of my chest; it was truly witchcraft.

My eyes then shot open as I started to breathe in and out.

I don't exactly remember what I felt during those moments but I'm sure I left those people around me stunned. After all this was their first look at powers.

I couldn't care what the paramedics were talking about above my body. I was focused on the 6 children looking at me bewildered as well as the old-looking man with them and whatever my mom was saying at the time.

I was put on a stretcher and rushed to a hospital for evaluations after the pandemics came but they never found anything. It was like everything was perfectly reattached.

But as I was leaving I could see the news reporters zeroing in on the kids trying to get the details on how these children saved the bank from thievery.

“Our world is changing.” The man spoke to the crowd. “Has changed. There are some among us gifted with abilities far beyond the ordinary.” He said looking back at the children. But they weren’t paying attention, some were staring at my ambulance and some eyes were on the ground.

“I have adopted seven such children. I give you the inaugural class of the Umbrella Academy.”

I now realize thinking back, the seventh person he was talking about was me..

..

PRESENT DAY

My mouth felt like it was moving faster than my brain so I took a pause and chugged the rest of my water cup.

Once again Glorias eyes were wide open. As she took some notes down in a notebook I never noticed beyond this point.

"Uh once I got home I remember the house phone noise filled my house with its nonstop ring, the other person on the phone would change my life forever when he came in.”

“And who was that person?" Gloria asked.

"Reginald Hargeeves, eccentric billionaire and caring father from what the public knew.." I rolled my eyes.

"So I'm guessing it wasn't really like that" she asked carefully.

"He was never a father really, more like a hard state-national basketball coach." She wrote that down.

"I guess it was a hard decision for my parents to make well, my mother. My father was ready to give me up as soon as Reginald stepped foot in my small house."

"And I'm sure they thought there was nothing bad about the offer they were given, he promised I'd be raised in a steady environment with the best schooling and my powers would be used for the greater good. And in exchange, my parents would get a large sum of money for my absence."

"What were you doing during this?" Gloria worried.

"I think I was just sitting right there next to my mom actually. I definitely didn't understand at that point what was happening to me. Still thinking about the events of that day.”

"And then I was being taken out of my only home in the blink of an eye. I resisted the people taking me, starting with screaming and then kicking and then running. Back to my mom's arms, Reginald himself had to pull me away from her. The deal had already been struck and there was no taking me back."

Now looking back at my hands I could only see small teardrops on my palms. Gloria reached for a tissue from the other side of the room. "Thank you," I said as I wiped my eyes.

"I like to think that my mom was upset that day but the memory has already started to fade as I reached adulthood.

You know after that day I was no longer 'Y/n L/n' no, I was known by my new name.. Zero Hargeeves."

..

I decided that was the end of my story, at least for now because I couldn't place the pieces together anymore. I was full-on sobbing at that point.

Gloria decided to bring up something more light to talk about next but I don't remember what it was because I'd zoned out and thought about the cat she'd told me about earlier.

The two hours seemed to fly by because the last thing I heard her say was if I didn't have anything else to talk about then that would be the end of the session. My legs seemed to move on their own as I walked out of that building. I would come back at the same time next week and honestly, I think therapy was for the best. I forgot about how I felt about all these things for the longest time.

I started the journey back to the bus stop, stopping to look in the windows of shops.

Shops like bakeries and bookstores and other things like that. Until I came to a stop in front of a store with a TV sticking out in the window.

My eyes scanned the screen and they went wide. The lady on the news had a somber expression as someone died. I was feeling sad for the person's family, but then I read the red-blaring headline.

The person who died was Reginald Hargeeves...

...

Aug 14 update:

If you'd like to be added to the tag list for rest of the series (starts at chapter 10) say taglist in the comments!

[voncel]

Mac is literally the cleanest of the gang, I don’t care that they dropped his bossiness a bit in later seasons but he was still the one cleaning Charlie and Frank’s apartment in “Mac and Dennis break up”, so I’ll just take that scene as representative of his entire character from now on, thank you very much

But seriously, it makes sense. We’ve seen his mom, how she’s a mess alone (and his father wouldn’t make much of a difference if he was present). Lots of people that grow up in an uncaring and messy environment tend to grow up and take cleaningness very seriously. I speak from personal experience when I say I get anxious when I see a messy bedroom precisely because it brings me back to my early childhood. Mac took the role of “man of the house” very seriously after his father went to jail, it’s very evident his bossiness and need to take care of people came from that. He NEEDS Dennis to need him, because if he doesn’t, what’s preventing him from just leaving?

Speaking of Dennis, I wouldn’t describe him as clean like other people have. He’s not messy, he likes to have things organized, but only to the extent of his own willingness to clean. I actually think Dennis would be very laidback in general, he grew up with maids and butlers and never actually lived on his own. His college dorm must’ve been a hellsite, though the majority of dorms usually are. Mac cleans after Dennis, metaphorically and literally.

This then leads me to think a bit more about their living dynamics (though I dwelve into more headcanon-y territory) like how Dennis probably takes care of the money aspects (tbf Frank’s credit card takes care of it), Mac does grocery shopping because I think if Dennis did it, he’d come back with like 4 protein bars and some apples to last them the whole month. Mac totally cleans Dennis’ room, atleast in minor ways like dusting and taking out the trash, wile Dennis keeps their apartment tidy by decorating shelves or keeping things in their places. It’s a silent part of their living arrangement and the kind of thing they’d never trade off.

[tarjapearce]

As My Own

Miguel O'Hara x Daughter'sRoomate!femreader .

Don't think I have forgotten about the requests 👀.

WARNING: Fluff. A tiny squeeze of angst, Rotting tooth fluff, daily snippets of life, anxious dad.

Summary: Gabi wants a mom. And who is Miguel to deny such wish?

Requested Here. Hope you like ❤️ Feedback is highly appreciated.

Sighing for the third time in a row, Miguel looked fondly at the pictures of his daughter through the years, until she grew out to be a lovely young lady, whose talents in soccer had earned her a scholarship in college.

Despite being terrified of the idea of Gabriela spreading her wings and soar into life itself, he knew the moment would come sooner or later, more like, right now. He was unpacking some boxes into the apartment Gabi would be staying, and if he was honest, the idea of her sharing a room with someone else didn't appeal that much on his trust issues.

If it wasn't for the house renovations needed to be done ASAP, he'd make sure to get Gabi a place for her own.

------

Emancipation had taken a toll on him and his mind, The once girly and colorful room filled with drawings, trophies and medals with a soccer player motifs, soccer star posters, some consoles and games, was now an empty space full of memories.

When Gabi gave him the news of her moving out completely, made his heart to shrink and break, but he knew that he had to let her go. Gabriela was 19 at the time, doing good at college, had found herself a half time job and a new roommate. The last one seemed the most preoccupying thing on the list. Was it a man? Did she eat well? Did she get along with them? Probably had gotten her a couple of fights, were they older? Was his Solecito safe?

It had been three years since she left home and pursue her superior studies and a professional soccer player career.

His mind was racing with the infinite questions and his stress gnawed at his chest, his phone buzzing interrupted his accelerating thoughts. He opened the message log and sighed in relief to see Gabriela's name on the screen.

He tapped at the message and his heart nearly melted at seeing Gabi with a goofy expression on her face, her hands making a V sign as she hovered over a small table set for two.

"Dinner time with Roomie~"

The caption read. The food looked delicious and esthetically pleasing at the eye. Nearly Michelin star awarded restaurant quality.

(Name) 's food is amazing! . Btw Im free next week, so come over, I miss you Papa.

Gabi had texted him some couple of hours later. (Name) ; at least he now knew that Gabi shared space with a woman. He didn't trust college guys at all. At least, he could sleep a bit better now. However, something had caught his attention, despite Gabi's competitive traits, she rarely loosened herself around others. And the picture only proved him right.

Gabi was unabashedly goofy and silly on the picture, with a genuine smile on her face. Whoever you were, he was grateful for making his most precious treasure comfortable and safe.

-----

The first time you met Gabi was quite the experience, you had just returned from work to find a lot of boxes loitering the entrance and part of the living room. Books, some baskets with soccer balls and equipment, Somw clothes and more books.

The burning smell immediately alerted you as smoke begun filling in the room. Rushing you opened the window and started to dissipate the smoke away with a towel.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry!" The young and tall woman panicked as she came out of the bathroom, body wrapped in a towel, just like her hair. Skin still sudsy with soap.

The chaos was tamed, leaving one of your favorite collectible pots, charred and useless.

"I'm really really sorry! I'll get you a new one."

"Don't you worry. Just... be careful. Don't leave the stove on when you are away. You could've burn the place down"

Gabi nodded sheepishly and looked down, when she noticed your chef uniform, the logo of a prestigious place she could only dream to afford in a couple of months and a place where he wanted to take her Papa as a surprise, standing out in your chest.

"Im (Name), the other tenant. Nice to meet you." Your voice was firm, yet kind. The kind of kindness that could insult anyone and still sound charming.

"Gabriela O'Hara. Sorry for your pot. I'll get you a new one"

"Ah stop it. It was just a family relic passed on generation to generation that now will end up in the trash."

You couldn't help but laugh at her panicking and guilty reaction.

"I'm just messing with you, sweetie. I got Ceci on a promo back at the supermarket. Don't worry. It's just a pot. We throw at least one daily at the restaurant. What were you trying to make anyways?"

Gabi didn't know if to be shocked or be laughing at your attitude. She settled for confused.

"Cause it smelled like cheap Mac and Cheese"

Her cheeks flushed and you just chuckled knowingly.

"Freshman?" Gabi nodded and you smiled almost endearingly at her.

"Such a cutie! I remember my first semester at college. Such a mess, terrible food and a terrible roommate"

"You're graduated?"

"A long time ago, yeah, Culinary school is something else. Don't get in there if you like having perfect skin."You chuckled and rolled up your sleeve, showing a few shares of scars and burn marks.

"Anyways, let's have a couple of rules okay? If you follow them, who knows? it can take us places." You grinned.

"No boys after 10 pm on weekends, and if you do, keep it low. Thin walls. Same applies to me, but don't worry about it. Im way too tired to actually do something about bringing my libido back."

Jeesh

Gabi's cheek flushed as her stomach fluttered anxiously.

"You can use my tools for cooking with the only condition to leave them clean and back at their place. Got it?"

She nodded at every reasonable rule you gave her. You had warned her that sometimes you'd be out of town due work, and that left her on charge of the place. It was brought to her attention that despite the place being small, it was conditioned enough to make it almost fancy looking. The kitchen specially.

Of course things just grew from there. At first Gabi was shocked to find you were a couple of years younger than her Papa. And that you had been single for quite a time now. Couple of years to be exact.

But that mattered little as her growing fondness for you was borderline adorable. You had helped her through some really bad times, like getting her a part time job at your workplace after being fired from the college coffee shop, something she never had the guts to tell Miguel.

Then you of course helping her out in her cooking skills, to at least stop eating plain ramen and packaged food bags.

"You're an athlete, you must feed like one."

"But I can't... afford it-"

"Uh uh. Shh." You shook your head and taught her to buy the right sort of meals even under a tight budget. Sometimes she would even find meals prepped for her whenever she had run short on money.

You were there when she got her first college date, and also were there when the young man turned out to be a fuckboy and a prick. Wiping her tears and feeding her a freshly made creme brule. A favorite of hers. You had also Dropped her and picked her up in her soccer practices whenever time allowed you so. She seeked guidance in you

She was there for you when depression was making it's way into your head, she was also there when she helped you to recover from a hang over after another failed date, and nursed you through your terrible period cramps. Even though sometimes harmony seemed disrupted by external causes, such as stress, work and feeling particularly wistful and blue, you'd always find comfort in eachother.

You were amazed by the fact that you realized that she was like the little girl you always dreamed to have.

"How come you don't have children?" Gabi had asked carefully. Despite the trust you hsd built over the years, there was some things you still couldn't bring yourself to discuss so openly, until now.

"I..."

"Sorry if I'm overstepping"

"Nah. I think it's time I actually come clean about some stuffs."

"Are you sure?" You nodded and sighed

"I can't have them"

Surprise drawed into Gabi's eyes as she stared at you.

"Infertility?"

"Yup. But... It's fine. I've come to terms with it, so..."

You trailed and she swallowed as her hand was placed above yours.

"For all it's worth? I'm sure you could have been an amazing mother."

Could have been

" To me, you... you are."

Gabi mumbled as tears swelled up in her eyes, threatening to fall. You stared at her, heart leaping in your chest

"Like... You are like the mother I never had... My Papa is amazing, but sometimes I actually yearn for a different kind of love." She hiccuped and you frowned, holding her closer.

"Like a mom. I want... I want to go shopping and talking about boys and how stupid they are. I want... to be cheered on by someone else at my games and not only my Papa."

Your heart felt breaking bit by bit as Gabi broke before you

"Don't get me wrong, I love Papa to death but... It's hard, y'know?"

"Ah, cariño." An endearment term you had learn from her, "You are such an amazing kid. Im sure that whoever comes into your life to take that spot needs to be amazing, because you're such a special young woman. Look at you, bright future ahead, smart, so so pretty and brave"

But Gabriela didn't want a stranger as her mother figure. She wanted you.

Gabi hid her face on your chest as you held her close, consoling her as much as you could. She remained there until she looked up at you with a suspicious glare

"Maybe I can introduce you to my dad" Your cheeks flushed bright red and she gasped, a bright bulb of an idea popping in her mind, sadness remnants vanishing from her body almost instantly

"No, Gabi, cariño-"

"You can meet him this weekend!"

"That's too soon, I am not prepared! Plus I have work remember?"

"He's staying all weekend, don't worry."

You had seen her adoring Papa through pictures she had showed you. The man was attractive, and looked certainly way too out of your league but of course you never told Gabi about it. You just shrugged it off with a 'Oh, cute'. But now that her plan was on set, you couldn't say no to her.

"Besides, I think it's time for you to actually meet guys. And this time no excuses like Im busy or stuff like that."

"Okay, okay. But if things don't work out-"

"I know, I'll drop it." Gabi rolled her eyes.

-----

Even though the recipe for a certain disaster was cooking, you tried to be optimistic about it. A bit of positive thinking wouldn't hurt you from time to time. However, your shift turned out a bit trickier than usual, since the restaurant had been reserved for a main event for important people.

In the little chance you had, you sent Gabi a little video of how crowded it was, and apologizing cause you didn't know if you were making a double shift and wouldn't be able to meet Papa.

Gabi just sent you a picture of the both with a "Miss you! Dad just came"

------

3 am. 3 am and you were finally done, no more stuck up clients pretending to love raw fish and meats, people that were just actually there for the food pictures and to be able to brag about they were there. Your feet ached, and so was your headache. The good thing was that the company allowed you to take some food home.

Keys tinkered as you grabbed them to finally turn them in the keyhole and entering home and closed the door, angry and heavy steps alerted you as the hulking figure of a man stood in the dark, as the dim lit red iris flashed at you. You had to crane your head up to meet his deep eyes.

Now you wondered where Gabi had came out so tall.

"H-Hello..." You gulped and he sighed, hard expression melting slowly.

"Sorry for... the late hour."

"No, no. Discúlpeme I mean, forgive me. Though someone had broke in, until I heard the keys a bit too late. I'm Miguel. O'Hara." He offered you his large hand that easily engulfed yours.

"Oh, so you're... Papa" you shook it gently. He was warm, and chuckled. "Im (Name). Gabi never stops talking about you." You gave him an amiable smile and put your containers on the dining table.

"Nice to meet you" you began unpacking, aligning the recipients carefully on the table.

"How's... Gabriela doing?" His deep voice snapped your focus for a moment and your eyes darted to his form. Sweatpants in grey, a white fitting shirt that snugged his form a bit too nicely for a short stare. Hair slicked back, pouty lips, thick brows and his deep... red eyes? He certainly was even more handsome in the flesh than in the pictures.

"Oh, she's amazing. Her practice in soccer has improved even more. She has a final next week."

His brow arched at how much information you knew about her.

"I apologize, she fell asleep in your room, despite me telling her that the couch would be-"

"Ah don't worry about it. My bed is big enough for two, and she isn't a kicker in her sleep. So make sure to rest properly. Oh! And welcome for the weekend. Would you like something to eat?"

Miguel shook his head and softly smiled at you. You were pretty. So so pretty that his mind was almost in shortcut when you were removing your chef robe, in the kitchen exposing a bit more of skin. Your left arm was adorned with little burn marks and cuts, you poured yourself a glass of wine when you felt his eyes on you.

"Want some?" You offered the wine and he nodded, a bit reluctant at first.

"Has Gabi acted out of place while I'm gone?" You giggled as you poured him some wine.

"If by out of place means sleeping one hour later than she is used to, yeah. She has." Your hands gave him the cup and he leaned on the table. Gabi groggily came out your room, lured away by the delicious smell of food.

"Hey" She mumbled and hugged Miguel and then hugged you, and remained with her arms around your waist. You kissed her forehead and she smiled.

Miguel entered in spectator mode.

"Hey, cupcake. Want some food?"

"Can I have it tomorrow?"

"Got you a Creme Brule." She grunted happily.

Gabi smiled and went through the bags, popping a chocolate coated strawberry on her mouth.

"Still, I'm too tired to actually eat. Got Papa and I some takeout."

"Takeout?! The good sort of thing I hope" Gabriela groaned as she made her way back to your room.

"Don't steal the fluffy sheets!"

"Yes, mom. Take a bath first, you smell like garlic." she mumbled and went to bed.

Your whole face was as red as a strawberry not because your smell, but for how she had called you, you gulped down the wine and sighed. Miguel stared at you and his chest couldn't help but constrict a little more.

" I apologize for that, Gabriela is..."

"Quite receptive to smells? Yeah."

"And she called you mom." He was more surprised about it than anything else.

"Ah hehe. Yeah, she had been calling me accidentally that a bit more often."

"Does it makes you feel uncomfortable?" He sipped his wine

"Not really. I find it cute. She eh... talked to me about growing up and how things had been for her."

"I must thank you. You have fed her, taken care of her and now even protect her."

"She's a great kid." You nodded proudly. "Couldn't find a better roomie, and a friend. You did a good job raising her, Papa."

Miguel cleared his throat and gave you a small smile.

"I hope she hasn't-"

"Relax, she's been nothing but a good kid all these years. You gotta trust her a bit more."

"It's the people around her that I don't trust"

"Ouch..."

"I mean, not that I dont... just... carajo." you giggled at his cursing as his brows knitted together

"I mean, my daughter trusts you enough to sleep in your bed, call you mom even, so... would be kinda dumb to say that you're a bad person... And I'm not making any sense right?"

You gave him a bashful smile and it was your turn to clear your throat.

"She's been busy at playing cupid. She thinks she is subtle..." You bit your lip and poured yourself a bit more of wine as Miguel rubbed his face, tiredly.

"What about, today at 7 pm?"

"At 7pm what?" He coked an eyebrow to you and Gabriela poked her head out of your room, sighing with exasperation.

"Por Dios pa, Te está invitando a salir!" (My god, Papa, she's asking you out.)

You just laughed and put the food in the fridge

"If you're up for it, that is. It's fine if you don't-"

"Make it at 8. Traffic has lowered by that hour."

"Alright." You smiled and took your chef coat with you.

"Sleep well, Papa."

He downed the remnants of his wine and smiled to himself. He had a date.

------—----

And a second, and a third and a fourth and a fifth. You were such an enjoyable being to hang around. You shared little silly texts, learnt a bit more spanish thanks to him to slowly bring down your language barrier. Even though you understood some words here and there, you wanted to understand so you could also feel part of the secret and long conversations the two O'Haras shared when it came to you.

Miguel was the first in making a move and kissed you around the fourth date. Nervous as you were, you finally felt good enough to just allow yourself to indulge in his company and what he had to offer. Great company, laughs, delicious make out sessions you didn't thought possible at your age.

Gabi had found you both eating each other's mouth in the livingroom

"Get a room!" She'd yell as she locked herself, headphones up her ears, but a beam in her face. Her chest swelled in joy knowing her cupid stunt had paid off.

--------

"You sure about that?"

"Yeah, pa. Like... She's the best. She's so sweet and... makes me happy cause you are happy."

"You'd be the only child, you're aware of that right?"

Gabi nodded upon remembering your words and your condition.

"Having a little sibling at this point would be awkward anyways."

"That doesn't mean I can't try-"

"Oh my god stop..." Gabi shook her head and Miguel smirked

"Payback for not telling me you were fired." She grunted as Miguel held her tightly.

"I think it's time to try something new."

"You'll ask her to marry you?!" Gabi gasped excited with a beam on her face

"Relax, Solecito. We're still knowing each other. And we wanna make sure that things work out before thinking in something so important as that."

"If you let her go, I promise that I won't talk to you again."

"Ouch."

--------

Bit by bit you had small milestones in your relationship with Miguel, you visiting his home back at New York, you staying a weekend in said home, you being introduced to his friends, sharing carneada with his friends, and of course, being found by Gabriela about to have sex, none of you mentioned it during dinner.

To make things even more convenient and better, your restaurant had opened a second branch in New York. Gabi was about to graduate college and of course, you both were saddened that soon you'll part ways. The both were too enraptured enjoying your mother-daughter relationship you had created that forgot about the future.

It didn't help to her sadness when you told her about you and other crew members of your work were selected for a three months workshop in France.

Despite your own sadness, both O'Haras cheered you to go.

"Three months is gonna be torture without you, but time goes so fast. You'll be back sooner than we expect it." Gabi had spoken. And of course, after her graduation, and a kiss goodbye, you flew to France.

Communication wasn't an issue since you talked every day. And still, the gnawing feeling of not being with them made you wish time to fly. You spoke every night with Miguel, telling him how much you have missed him. Even though work had kept you both busy enough, you'd always find a way to talk or text.

And when you came back? It felt like floating in a dream.

"Mom!" Gabriela rushed to you and crushed you in her arms, sniffling and holding you tightly.

"I missed you soo much, cariño." You kissed her forehead, Miguel joined a bit later with a rose bouquet on hand. He pulled you in for a deep kiss.

"Missed you, preciosa".

What sealed the deal for him was seeing you sharing a moment with Gabi. You were brushing her hair as you caught up eith the things you learned in France and how excited you were for them both to taste them.

He asked you to move in with them. And god he loved the feeling of you being around. Gabi was happy, he was happy and you were as well.

Everything about you had captured his heart. Your personality, your way to carry on things, the subtle ways you guided Gabriela without imposing in her autonomy, How much love you seemed to have for them, the delicious feeling of your skin against his on bed.

He proposed a year after. He wouldn't let you go, no no. You were too perfect for him, and a perfect Mom for Gabriela.

[doctorbitchcrxft]

Houses of the Holy | Supernatural Series Rewrite | Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader (Eventual ;) )

Warnings: MNDI 18+ ONLY, canon violence, canon gore, SMUT, breast play, cunnilingus, p in v, unprotected sex (don’t do this irl pls and thanks), dirty talk, dom/sub dynamics, clit spanking, descriptions of religious trauma (there’s a lot of talk of the two things you should never talk about in here: religion and politics)

Word Count: 5892

A/N: need i say it again, goodbye, minors!!! Be gone!!! please!!!

Mobile Supernatural Series Rewrite Masterlist

Supernatural Series Rewrite Masterlist

Supernatural Series Rewrite Playlist

Every twenty or so minutes, you reloaded the FBI’s database you’d managed to tap into. You were getting incredibly anxious about Dean’s presence on their radar following the bank “robbery” the week prior. 

Sam went out to pose as a psychotherapy nurse to interrogate a woman whose personality seemed to have changed overnight after killing a man, claiming an angel led her to do so. You were placed on “Dean duty” after Sam insisted his brother stay here to avoid being seen. You were right on board with that idea, but you needed to stay behind to make sure Dean didn’t go stir crazy and leave stupidly.

A thousand thoughts swirled through your head as you wrote in your journal. 

“When I was on my own, I was a fucking expert at staying away from police,” you wrote. “Now, suddenly, I’m on cases with these two where every time I turn around, a cop is on my ass. I’m not super crazy about that idea. However, I don’t wanna leave them. They’re my best friends, and I know Dean is something more to me. I don’t wanna give that all up just because I’m starting to sweat a bit, y’know? 

“I am not one to shy away from trouble, and I’m loyal. Those are two qualities I’m super proud of,” you continued writing, “I just am worried. And I feel like that’s completely normal. But it’s a different kind of worry. I’ve never had to be concerned about two other people when I’m hunting. This is the first time I’ve had partners who are just as good as I am. And I’ve never cared about my partners this much. And in a way, that sucks.

“And what the hell was I thinking promising Sam that I’d kill him if necessary? Am I out of my fucking mind?? I don’t know what I’d do if Dean hated me. But I’d still rather him hate me than hate himself. I can go it alone again. I really could. I just don’t think I want to.”

You dropped your pen and scrubbed a hand over your face before pulling it through your hair. 

“Sweetheart. C’mere,” Dean groaned from the other end of the room. He was laying on a vibrating motel bed with his headphones in his ears. He’d been obsessively fueling the “Magic Fingers” machine with quarters. 

You headed over to him just as the bed stopped vibrating.

“Damn, that was my last quarter,” he huffed, taking his headphones out of his ears. He seemed not to notice you until that moment. “Oh, hey.” 

You sat on the bed next to him, and he was still laid out in the center of the bed on his back.”Whatcha need?”

“You,” he said, smirking.

You laughed as he pulled on the ends of your— his— shirt, trying to get you to lay on top of him. You happily complied, leaning forward to kiss him. Between kisses, you giggled, “Dee, we already fucked this morning. You’re seriously ready again?”

He hummed against your lips. “Always.”

You rolled your head away from him. “I have sex with you once, and suddenly, you’re insatiable.”

“I can’t help it,” he smirked. “You’re gorgeous.”

You faux-pouted. “That’s it?”

He rolled on top of you and kissed up your neck. “And smart.” He kissed you again, moving to your left cheek. “And badass.” He kissed the tip of your nose. “And sexy.” He kissed your lips. “I hate how much I need you.”

You mocked offense. “Why do you hate it?”

“ ‘Cause I don’t like to need anyone,” he replied. 

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I need you, too.” You leaned up to him and pecked his lips before leaning back down on the pillows. “And not just sexually,” you clarified.

He chuckled. “Same here,” he told you earnestly.

You grinned widely, pulling him back down to your lips by the nape of his neck. He eagerly bit your bottom lip before trailing his lips down your neck. He sucked a dark spot on your collarbone, making you tug his hair and moan. He groaned against your skin before hiking the shirt up your body, swirling his tongue around your nipples. Still sensitive from your activities earlier in the morning, your back immediately arched into him and you keened, encouraging him to keep going. He switched to your other breast and chuckled as you continued writhing underneath him. “Wonder if I could make you cum just like this,” he said, looking up at you. 

“Stop teasing, Dean,” you whined, shoving his shoulders down to your pussy.

“Hmm, but it’s so much fun,” he replied. Dean skimmed his fingers down to the band of your underwear, playing with the hem. You sucked in a sharp breath and squirmed beneath him. “Why would I do what you want when this is so much more enjoyable for me,” he chuckled darkly.

“Dean!” you cried out. “Please!”

“Fine,” he responded. The man above you pushed your panties down your legs before dipping his fingers into your cunt. “So wet for me already?”

“Fuck you,” you murmured in embarrassment.

He tsked. “Is that any way to talk to the guy who made you cum three times this morning?”

“It is if he’s being a fucking tease,” you replied, running your nails over his abs just above his V-line.

He groaned at your actions before grabbing your wrist and pinning it next to your head. “Now who’s being a tease?” Dean used one hand to pin your wrist above your head and the other to grab your other. He pinned them above your head, instructing you to keep them there.

He moved back down your body, stopping when he reached your core. He eagerly ate you out like a man starved, and your hands flew to his hair. He immediately stopped. 

“What’d I say?” he asked gruffly.

“Sorry,” you replied sheepishly, grabbing the headboard above you to keep your hands there.

He moved back to your pussy, sucking your clit into his mouth and making you grip the headboard tighter. “Fuck, Dean!” you cried out.

He curled two long fingers inside you, groaning at the slick pooling between your thighs. Your orgasm was quickly approaching as he hit your g-spot with the tips of his fingers and continued harshly sucking your clit, every now and again swirling his tongue around it. 

“Fuck, fuck, please, I’m gonna—” And then he was gone. “What the fuck?” you whined at the feeling of his fingers leaving you.

“You don’t get to come until I say,” he growled. “You understand?”

You nodded eagerly, still white-knuckling the headboard. You spread your legs wide, fully displaying your pussy to him. “Fuck me, Dean.”

His hand came harshly down on your clit. You yelped in surprise.

“You don’t make the demands here, I do.” He spanked your clit one more time for good measure before shoving his fingers into your mouth. You sucked on them in earnest, closing your eyes as you licked them clean. Dean groaned at the feeling and freed his fingers from your mouth, gripping your throat as he bent down to kiss you. 

Before you knew it, Dean’s cock was inside you, making you gasp into his mouth. He sheathed himself fully inside you, and you locked your legs around his hips. He rocked into you roughly, each thrust making you come more and more alight. 

“Can I touch you?” you breathed out. “Please?”

“Beg,” he replied, still keeping his thrusts even.

“Dean, please let me touch you. Please, please, I need to touch you,” you groveled through shallow breaths. 

“Hmm…” he smirked, rolling his hips into yours roughly. 

“Dean! Please! Please!” you cried, gasping. “I need to feel you, Dee.”

“Okay, sweetheart, you can,” he said.

You were on him in an instant, one hand in his hair and the other winding around the underside of his shoulders. You kissed your way down his neck and nipped at the base of it, careful not to leave any dark marks; even though you really wanted to. Dean’s pace began to falter as you felt his cock twitching inside you.

“Cum with me,” he instructed you. He reached down to your clit, drawing rough circles, before burying his face in your shoulder. “Cum with me, now, (Y/N).”

You came with a high-pitched moan, your orgasm crashing into you suddenly. Your legs locked around the base of Dean’s spine, keeping him inside you as he came. You moaned again at the feeling of his cum spilling inside you. His thrusts slowed, and he pulled out, causing you to whine at the loss. Dean laid on your bare chest, breathless. 

You took a few minutes to linger in this feeling which you decided was your version of heaven. No monsters, no fighting, no police run-ins— just Dean laying on your chest, breathing in time with you. However, you knew Sam would be coming back any minute now.

“Dean,” you said, trying to wiggle out from under him.

“Hm?”

“We gotta get up, Sam’s gonna be back soon.”

“Who cares.”

“Me!” you squealed as his grip tightened around you. “I don’t really want Sam to see my bare tits!”

He kissed between the valley of your breasts, nuzzling your left one with his cheek. “But I wanna keep lookin’ at ‘em.”

“Dean!”

“Alright, alright.” He finally let go of you, and you pulled your clothes back on. This time, you put your jeans and the shirt you wore before you and Dean fucked for the first time that morning to avoid Sam knowing what had been happening. You headed back over to your laptop, and reloaded the FBI’s database page.

“What is so important over there?” Dean asked, coming over to you. 

You turned your laptop to face him. 

“Seriously? You’re gonna drive yourself crazy lookin’ at that.”

“Well, sorry, but I’m trying to keep you from getting arrested,” you scoffed.

He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “I know.”

You looked away from your computer and back up to him with big doe eyes.

“Stop fucking looking at me like that,” Dean growled.

You tilted your head in confusion. “Why?”

“ ‘Cause I’m not gonna be able to control myself if you don't,” he replied.

Despite your earlier activities, heat flooded once more between your thighs. “Dean—”

At that moment, Sam burst through the door. “Hey.”

Dean jerked away from you, and you awkwardly returned to the computer in front of you.

“So, did you get in to see that crazy hooker?” Dean questioned, scratching the back of his neck. 

Sam nodded. “Yeah. Gloria Sitnick. And I'm not so sure she's crazy.”

“But she seriously believes that she was... touched by an angel?” Dean questioned.

“Yeah. Blinding light, feelings of spiritual ecstasy, the works. I mean, she's living in a locked ward and she's totally at peace.”

You scoffed. “Definitely completely sane. What about the guy she stabbed?”

“Uh, Carl Gully. She said she killed him because he was evil,” Sam explained. 

“Was he?” Dean asked.

The brunet shrugged. “I don't know. I mean, I couldn't find any dirt on him. I mean, he didn't have a criminal record, he worked at the campus library, had lots of friends. He was a churchgoer.”

Dean paced around, all-business mode. “Hm. So then Gloria's just your standard-issue wacko. I mean, phew, she wouldn't be the first nutjob in history to kill in the name of religion. Know what I mean?”

“No, but she's the second in town to murder because an angel told them to. Little bit odd, don't ya think?” Sam countered.

“Well, little odd, yes, supernatural, maybe. But angels? I don't think so.”

“Agreed,” you chimed in.

“Why not?” Sam asked.

“ ‘Cause angels aren’t real,” you replied.

“(Y/N/N), there's ten times as much lore about angels as there is about anything else we've ever hunted,” the younger brother reminded you.

“Yeah, you know what? There's a ton of lore on unicorns too. In fact, I hear that they, they ride on silver moonbeams, and they shoot rainbows out of their ass,” Dean grunted.

Sam sat down across from you, deadpanning, “Wait, there's no such thing as unicorns?”

“That's cute,” Dean monotoned, “I'm just saying, man, there's just some legends that you just, you file under ‘bullcrap’.”

“And you've got angels on the bullcrap list.”

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“ ‘Cause I’ve never seen one,” you chimed in.

Sam furrowed his eyebrows. “So what?”

“So I believe in what I can see,” Dean argued.

“Dean! You and I have seen things that most people couldn't even dream about.”

“Sam,” you started, trying to mollify both brothers. “I think that’s his point. We can actually see that stuff. Hard proof, y’know? We don’t have hard proof of angels.”

“This is a– a demon or a spirit,” Dean continued. “You know, they find people a few fries short of a happy meal, and they trick them into killing these randoms.”

Sam sighed. “Maybe.”

“Can we just— I'm going stir-crazy, guys. Hey, let's go by Gloria's apartment, huh?” Dean begged you and Sam. 

“I was just there. Nothing. No sulfur, no EMF…” Sam trailed off.

“You didn't see any fluffy white wing feathers?” Dean deadpanned.

“But Gloria did say the angel gave her a sign, right beside Carl Gully's doorway,” Sam huffed.

Dean perked up at that notion. “Could be something at his house; it's worth checking out.”

“I don’t love that idea, Dean. Please… stay here, okay? Sam and I can handle it,” you argued.

Dean groaned. “(Y/N), I’m going fucking crazy in here. Please?”

You crossed your arms. “No.”

He went to say something again.

“No. Sam, you’re on Dean duty. I’ll be back in a few hours,” you stated firmly.

“(Y/N)—”

“Dean,” you warned. “I’ll bring you back some beers, okay?”

He huffed. 

“I’ll throw a burger and some quarters in there, too, okay?” 

Dean huffed again, but said nothing in response. 

You tugged your boots on, and Sam tossed the keys to you.

“Not a scratch, (Y/N),” Dean told you firmly.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

***

About two hours later, you returned with a six pack and burgers and fries for the boys. 

“Oh, (Y/N), thank god,” Sam exclaimed when you returned. 

“What, has he been that bad?” you asked. 

“I’m right here, y’know,’ Dean grumbled. “You bring any quarters?”

“Told you I would.” You chucked the roll of quarters and his car keys back at him. 

You put the six pack down on the table and began distributing the food between the brothers.

“Woman, you’re fucking awesome,” Dean groaned as he took a bite of his burger. 

Sam laughed. “So, what’d you find out?”

“Well, Mr. Gully had some pretty dark secrets,” you began. “I found three sets of bones buried under his house. Poor babies were kids from the local college who disappeared about a year ago. And get this; all of ‘em were last seen at the library.”

“Sick bastard,” Dean grunted. 

“So Gloria's angel—” Sam started, only to be cut off by Dean.

“Angel?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Okay. Whatever this thing is…”

“Whatever it is, it's struck again,” Dean jumped back in through a mouthful of food.

“What?” you questioned.

“Dean hasn’t put down the police radio since you left,” Sam told you. “There was this guy, uh, Zach Smith, some local drunk; he went up to a stranger's front door last night, stabbed him in the heart.”

“And then I'm guessing he went to the police and confessed?” you asked.

“Yep. Roma Downey made him do it,” Dean quipped. He took a post-it note off the mirror. “Now, I, uh, got the victim's address.”

“Dean—”

“(Y/N), I am not staying here again. Just this one thing? Please?”

“No, Dee. I’m not taking that risk. You have got to lay low,” you insisted.

“(Y/N), how are you gonna stop me from doing my job?”

“Because if it involves putting yourself at risk, then it’s not happening,” you protested. 

“My whole job is risk,” he argued, stepping closer to you. “There’s just… an added level now.”

“Exactly. Which means we have to be that much more careful. Especially considering we have the feds on our ass. I’m not letting this happen,” you shot back.

“Hate to say it, Dean, I think (Y/N)’s right,” Sam jumped in. “I’ll go check out the vic’s house. (Y/N), stay here.”

“Fine by me,” you said. 

Dean grunted in aggravation, and flopped down on the bed after putting a few quarters in the Magic Fingers machine. You knew he’d probably stay angry with you for the rest of the evening. 

After a few minutes of silence and when the rumbling came to an end, you spoke up again. “Dean,” you sighed. “I’m not trying to be a huge ass, okay? I’d be angry with me, too. But this is just… It’s a lot. And I’m trying to keep you boys as safe as possible. And I wanna help Sam with this case, but I can’t if I’m worried about you not staying put, okay?”

Dean didn’t respond, and you thought for a moment that he’d fallen asleep. At least, that was until you heard him murmur, “Okay.”

*** Sam informed you and Dean that the most recent victim had been planning to meet with a thirteen-year-old girl. Your stomach turned when he told you, and Dean looked like he would’ve kicked the guy to hell and back given the opportunity. Sam also told you that both victims went to the same church called “Our Lady of the Angels.”

“That’s funny,” you’d commented. 

Following last night’s conversation with Dean, you felt more comfortable leaving him to his own devices. And so, it was up to you and Sam to go talk to the priests at said church.

“So you're interested in joining the parish?” the priest, who’d introduced himself as Father Reynolds, asked you.

“Yes, sir,” you replied.

“Where'd you say you lived before?”

“Fremont, Texas,” you said without missing a beat.

“Really? That's a nice town,” Fr. Reynolds noted. “St. Teresa's parish, you must know the priest there.”

“Yes, sir. He’s wonderful,” you nodded.

“You know, we're just happy to be here now, Father,” Sam broke in.

“And we're happy to have you, we could use some young blood around here.”

“Hey, listen, I gotta ask,” you began hesitantly. “No offense, but uh, the neighborhood?”

Fr. Reynolds sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Well, it's gone to seed a little, there's no denying that, but that's why what the church does here is so important. Like I always say, you can expect a miracle, but in the meantime you work your butt off.”

“Yeah, we, uh, heard about the murders,” you acknowledged.

“Yes. The victims were parishioners of mine, I'd known them for years.”

Sam quirked his head to the side. “And the killers said that an angel made them do that?”

“Yes. Misguided souls, to think that God's messenger would appear and incite people to murder. It's tragic,” the priest sighed. 

“So you don't believe in the whole ‘angel’ thing?” you questioned. 

“Oh, no, I absolutely believe,” he chuckled. “Kind of goes with the job description.”

Sam nodded toward the painting on the wall. “Father, that's Michael, right?”

“That's right. The archangel Michael, with the flaming sword. The fighter of demons. Holy force against evil.”

“So they're not really the Hallmark card version that everybody thinks? They're fierce, right? Vigilant?” 

“Well, I like to think of them as more loving than wrathful. But, uh, yes, a lot of Scripture paints angels as God's warriors. ‘An angel of the Lord appeared to them, the glory of the Lord shone down upon them, and they were terrified’,” the priest finished.

You nodded sagely. “Luke two nine.”

The priest seemed surprised you knew that. “Yes, actually.”

You laughed uncomfortably. “My, uh, my mom was a pretty zealous Catholic,” you explained as Fr. Reynolds began leading you out of the door. “She’d quiz me on the bible verses every now and again.”

You could feel Sam’s eyes on you while you began heading down the steps of the church. 

“Well, thank you for speaking with us, Father,” the brunet said. 

“Oh, it's my pleasure. Hope to see you again,” the priest nodded.

You noticed a collection of tribute items at the bottom of the steps; candles, flowers, pictures, and rosaries. “Hey, Father, what's, what’s all that for?”

Fr. Reynolds deflated a bit. “Oh, that's for Father Gregory. He was a priest here.”

“Was?” you questioned.

“He passed away right on these steps. He's interred in the church crypt,” he explained.

“When did this happen?”

“Two months ago. He was shot for his car keys.”

“God, I’m so sorry,” you told him.

“Yeah, me too.” The priest couldn’t seem to tear his eyes from his friend’s memorial. “He was a good friend. I didn't even have time to administer his last rites. But like I said, it's a tough neighborhood. Ever since he died I've been praying my heart out.”

“For what?” Sam asked.

“For deliverance. From the violence and the bloodshed around here. We could use a little divine intervention, I suppose,” he replied.

“Thanks, Father. We’ll see you around sometime,” you nodded solemnly. He headed back inside.

“Well, it's all starting to make sense. Devoted priest dies a violent death? That's vengeful spirit material right there,” you noted.

Sam seemed a bit uncomfortable.

“And he knew all the vics, because they went to church here,” you continued. “In fact I'm willing to bet that because he was their priest, he knew things about them that nobody else knew. Reconciliation and all that jazz.”

“Then again, Father Reynolds started praying for God's help about two months ago, right? Right about the time all this started happening?” Sam countered.

“Sam,” you sighed. “I know you wanna believe, but I’m not really sold on this whole ‘angel’ idea. Why do you seem so convinced?”

“I don’t know,” he shook his head. “But I do know that I pray. Every single day. I have for a long time.”

You startled a bit. “Really? I had no idea.”

“And what about you?” he asked. “What made you stop?”

“Well, like I said, my mom was always a bit of a zealot,” you began. “And… let’s just say I saw how well prayin’ worked out for her.” 

Sam shot you a puppy-dog-eyed look. 

“C’mon, let’s go check out Fr. Gregory’s grave.”

Sam followed you down to the crypt. It was a bit of a maze of stone hallways lined with numerous stone angel statues. You headed a little ahead of Sam deeper into the crypt. You turned back when you noticed Sam wasn’t behind you, and then suddenly felt the ground beneath you shaking.

“Oh, fuck,” you murmured before running to where you thought Sam may be. “Sammy?” you called. “Get the rocksalt out—” You halted momentarily when you noticed Sam’s slumped over form on the ground. “Hey! Sam! Wake up!” you cried, grabbing his face in both your hands. He jerked awake as soon as you touched him. “You okay?!” you asked worriedly.

He looked past you at the angel statue behind you. “Yeah. Yeah. 'm okay.” He seemed a little startled.

You helped him to his feet and led him into the sanctuary. “You saw it, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, (Y/N), I saw an angel,” he said.

“You—” You shook your head, unsure how to approach this situation. “So. What makes you think you saw an, uh, angel?”

“It just, it appeared before me and I just, this feeling washed over me, you know? Like, like peace. Like grace,” he explained.

You swallowed harshly, feeling suddenly unsettled. “Wh—” You laughed uncomfortably.

“I know this is a lot, but I’m telling you, it spoke to me. It knew who I was,” he said.

You shook your head. “Spirits can do that, though, y’know that, right?”

Sam didn’t seem convinced. 

“Okay, let me guess,” you tried. “You were personally chosen to smite some sinner. You've just got to wait for some divine bat signal, is that it?”

“Yeah, actually,” Sam nodded.

“Great. I don't suppose you asked what this alleged bad guy did?”

“Actually I did, (Y/N). And the angel told me. He hasn't done anything. Yet. But he will,” Sam nodded.

You started pacing. “I don’t believe this.”

“(Y/N), the angel hasn’t been wrong yet!” Sam protested. “Someone's going to do something awful, and I can stop it!”

You scoffed. “You’re supposed to do something awful, too. Does that mean I’m just supposed to nuke you right now?”

“Y’know what? I don't understand! Why can't you and Dean even consider the possibility?”

“What, that this is an angel?”

“Yes! Maybe we're hunting an angel here, and we should stop! Maybe this is God's will!”

“Y’know what, Sam, if that’s what you believe, fine,” you sighed. “If faith is what helps you sleep at night and brings you a little peace, then, that’s great and I’m happy for you. But I cannot rationalize worshiping a god who’s gonna condemn me to a pit of fire and suffering for the simple fact of non-belief. I mean, think about it, man. He knows exactly what it would take to get every person to believe, and he still chooses not to show it to us.” You began to pace faster. “And, and? Why would homosexuality be the thing he chooses to put his foot down on? And if you are this great and good god, why is that love wrong? And if people believe in other religions, why does that mean they’re going to hell? What if they’re Buddhist and an exceptional person; they still have to go to hell? Hindu? I don’t fucking get it, Sam. And if my options are going to heaven with all the churchgoers— who are mostly hypocrites and these fuck-os who are abusing kids and murdering on Tuesday after just leaving church the Sunday before, then send me straight on down to hell. I’ll take eternity with actually decent people over these yuppies and troglodytes any day.” You stopped, taking a breath. “I’m sorry.”

Sam seemed shocked. “It’s okay,” he said, despite himself. 

You huffed, scratching the back of your head. “Anyway, I got some hard proof we’re dealing with a spirit.” You led him over to Father Gregory’s grave. It was crawling with mangled vines, and you crouched down in front of it. 

“That looks like—”

You cut Sam off. “Wormwood. Plant associated with the dead; specifically the ones that are not at rest. I don't see it growing anywhere else, except over the murdered priest's marker. It's him, Sam.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged.

“Maybe?”

“I don't know what to think,” he said honestly.

You sighed. “Okay. You want some more proof? I'll give you more proof.”

“How?” Sam asked.

“We'll summon Gregory's spirit,” you responded simply.

“What? Here? In the church?”

You nodded. “Yeah. Just need a few odds and ends and my journal for a séance ritual.”

“Oh, a séance, great. Hope Whoopi's available,” Sam quipped.

You deadpanned at him, “Cute. Seriously. If Father Gregory's spirit is around, a séance will bring him right to us. If it's him, then we'll put him to rest.”

“But if it's an angel, it won't show. Nothin' 'll happen.”

“Exactly,” you nodded. “And then we’ll know for sure. And then I can grovel in front of Michael or Zachariah or Castiel or whichever the hell angel it is and beg for their forgiveness before they smite me.”

“The hell kind of angel’s named Castiel?” Sam’s face scrunched up in confusion.

“Angel of temperance and serenity. Not traditional Catholicism, but I digress. I told you, my mom was a complete Jesus-freak,” you snorted. “Alright, let’s go get my journal. Hopefully Dean’s still there. I swear to god, I’ll send him to hell and back if he’s not.” *** Thankfully for Dean, he was right where you’d left him. He looked bored out of his skull, but he actually listened to you. “Jesus, how fuckin’ long does it take to talk to a priest?” 

“Not right now, Dean. Sam’s a little, uh, possessed? Cursed? Don’t know what the right word is in this situation. Divinely inspired?” you continued.

“What? He saw it?”

Sam nodded.

“We don’t have time to rehash all this. Now, Dean, you comin’ or not?” You turned to the elder brother.

“Wait, you’re letting me out?”

You scoffed. “Dean, you’re not a hostage. C’mon. We could use the help especially now that Sam’s been angel-drugged.”

Dean chuckled. 

“What?” you asked.

“Sam got touched by an angel,” he snickered.

You burst out in laughter, and Sam just deadpanned.

***

Your next stop was a small grocery store that you hoped didn’t have security cameras that would be able to identify Dean. Sam bounded out of the store holding a paper sack and chuckling. “Guys. I'll admit we've gone pretty ghetto with spellwork before, but this takes the cake. I mean, a Spongebob placemat instead of an altar cloth?”

“We'll just put it Spongebob-side down,” Dean shrugged.

Sam’s laughter subsided suddenly as he stared at someone across the street. 

“What is it?” you asked him.

“It’s him,” he replied. “That's the sign!”

“Where?” Dean questioned.

“Right there, right behind that guy! That's him, Dean. And we have to stop him,” Sam pleaded.

Sam started after him, but you and Dean held the giant man back.

“Wait a second,” you stated. 

“What are you doing? Let me go,” Sam grunted.

“You're not going to go kill somebody because a ghost told you to, are you insane?” Dean hissed.

“Dean, I'm not insane, I'm not going to kill him. I'm going to stop him.”

“Define ‘stop’, huh? I mean, what are you going to do?” Dean pressed.

“Dean, please, he's going to hurt someone, you know it.”

“Alright, come on,” Dean said finally. You moved to the other side of the car, and Dean quickly shoved you down into the backseat. 

“Dean. Unlock my door,” Sam commanded, still standing on the sidewalk.

“You're not killing anyone, Sam. (Y/N) and I got this guy, you go do the séance,” he nodded.

“Dean!” Sam called after you, but Dean was already pulling away. He followed the man who’d been holding the yellow flowers down a short distance down the street before the guy stopped in front of a girl. She got in the car with him, and your heart sank as you climbed into the front seat.

“I don’t like where this is going,” you murmured.

“Yeah, me neither.” Dean gripped the wheel tightly and started trailing the blue car again. 

The allegedly evil man soon turned down a dark alley, and you temporarily lost sight of him. Dean cursed, “Dammit!” and slammed the steering wheel in frustration.

“Dean, Dean, follow him, c’mon,” you begged, and he slammed his foot on the gas, turning down the alley he thought he’d seen the man head down. Thankfully, his guess was correct, and you and Dean quickly ran to opposite sides of the man’s car. You could hear the young woman crying and the man shouting at her as you approached. Dean punched the window, and you took that as your opportunity to quickly pull the girl out of the car. 

“Are you okay?” you asked her, grabbing her shoulders.

“Thank god!” she cried, surging forward to hug you.

You called to Dean as the man sped off in his blue car. “Dean! I got her, you follow him! I’ll catch up with you later!”

Dean nodded, sprinting back to the Impala and following the man out of the alley.

“Did he do anything to you?” you asked her.

She shook her head, still crying.

“Do you have any friends nearby? I’ll walk you to ‘em,” you told her. 

The woman nodded. “Yeah, um, my friend—” she hiccuped, “my friend Sarah lives around here.”

“Okay, can you call Sarah? Let her know you’re on your way?”

She nodded again, and you rubbed her back with your hand to soothe her while you started walking toward her friend’s apartment.

You got to know her as you walked to help her calm down and distract her from what had just happened. Her tears slowly subsided, and you seemed to have calmed her down by the time you arrived at her friend’s apartment complex. She hugged you tightly after announcing the two of you had made it. 

“Thank you so much,” she told you. 

“Anytime,” you told her. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

She nodded and headed up the front steps. She turned to you when she reached the door, waving goodbye one last time.

***

You somehow managed to get back to the motel. Surprisingly, Sarah’s apartment hadn’t been too far from it. You only needed to walk about thirty minutes before you stumbled upon it. 

“Hey,” you said as you opened the door to the Winchesters’ room. Both Dean and Sam were packing. “How’s everybody doin?”

Sam looked demoralized. “You were right. It wasn't an angel. It was Gregory. I don't know, guys, I just, uh—” he sat down on the bed. “I wanted to believe… so badly. It's so damn hard to do this, what we do. You're all alone, you know? And there's so much evil out there in the world, I feel like I could drown in it. And when I think about my destiny, when I think about how I could end up—”

Dean sat next to him. “Yeah, well, don't worry about that. All right? I'm watching out for you.”

The brunet smiled. “Yeah, I know you are. But you're just one person, Dean. And I needed to think that there was something else, watching too, you know? Some higher power. Some greater good. And that maybe…” he trailed off.

“Maybe what?” you asked.

“Maybe I could be saved.” He suddenly realized what he admitted and chuckled nervously. “But, uh, you know, that just clouded my judgment, and you're right. I mean, we've gotta go with what we know, with what we can see, with what's right there in front of our own two eyes.”

“Yeah, well, it's funny you say that,” Dean said.

“Why?” you asked.

“Gregory's spirit gave you some pretty good information. That guy in the car was bad news. We barely got there in time.”

“What happened to him?” you questioned.

“He's dead.”

“Did… Did you?” Sam asked.

The older brother shook his head. “No. But I'll tell you one thing. If— The way he died, if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes I never would have believed it. I mean— I don't know what to call it.”

Sam’s eyes widened. “What? Dean, what did you see?” 

“Maybe… God's will.”

Series Rewrite Taglist: @polireader @brightlilith @atcamillanorrman @jrizzelle @insomnia-bookworm @procrastination20 @mrs-liebgott @djs8891 @tiggytaylor @staple-your-mouth @jesstherebel @rach5ive @strawberrykiwisdogog @bruhidkjustwannaread @mxltifxnd0m @sunshine-on-marz @big-ol-boat @mgchaser @capncrankle @chervbs @simpingdeadcharacters @nesnejwritings @stillhere197 @tearsforhan @take-it-on-the-run @iloveyou2mia @maxinehufflepuffprincess @ohgeehowdigethere @seninjakitey @berarenado @s0urw00lf @princessleahorgana @quarterhorse19 @isla-finke-blog @silverdoragon @karacaroldanvers @gayandfairycore @examishbookwyrm @star-yawnznn @real-sharena-h @fandomloverrr @metalmonki @onlyangel-444 @yu-winchester @benniwiththefanni @daisychaingirl @immagods @missmieux @yoongi-holland @littledebbieinabigworld

[achilles-rage]

thirteen crows: chapter eight

summary: you wake up in eddie’s house and they show you who you belong to.

word count: 2.9k

previous chapter

series masterlist

a/n: the last chapter!!! and happy halloween!! seeing as my last series took 3 months, this one felt like it flew by, and i’m gonna miss it :// also, i got really into this chapter lowkey and it literally had my face hot as i was writing and idk why. anyway, enjoy<3

warnings: smut, mentions of violence (nothing graphic), no use of y/n, fem!reader, plus size!reader, race inclusive!reader

MDNI- 18+ Only!

Your vision is still black when you feel the pain throughout your body coming back to you, and you let out a low groan. Your elbow is throbbing from hitting the ground, as well as one of your knees, and you’re sure your neck is already bruising from Buck’s hands wrapped around your throat.

As you slowly come back to your senses, you can feel that you’re in a chair with your wrists tied tightly behind your back, and you’re now only wearing a bra and panties. You don’t know how long you’ve been out, or where you are, and either way, you’re far too afraid of the voices you once thought of as your solace speaking across the room.

Being tied and blindfolded isn’t what brings your fear back, though, it’s the sound of the voices not far from where you are, one clearly angry, and the other anxious.

“How could you be so fucking stupid? Leaving your mask lying around!” You’re sure it’s Eddie who’s speaking, and you let out a quiet, ragged breath as you listen to them. You’re still barely able to believe that your sweet regulars could do this to you. They seemed so nice. So normal.

“It was in my closet! I forgot! She-” Buck begins to argue, but the loud groan you let out as a pain runs up your spine causes them both to turn to you. Must be from the fall, you think. Your breath catches in your throat as nothing but silence fills your ears, and your hands start to shake as you hear footsteps coming towards you.

Buck turns to you with a smirk on his face, excited to continue with their game, while Eddie is more wary. He’s still reeling from everything that’s just been dumped on him, and he can’t believe that Buck would do something so idiotic. He’s just lucky that Eddie is able to come up with plans so quickly.

Deep down, he’s happy he can finally have you, but he knows that doing this so sporadically increases their risk of being caught.

You blink a few times as the blindfold is ripped from your eyes, trying to focus your gaze as you’re met with bright lights and the dark black eyes of two masks.

They’ve brought you to Eddie’s house; it’s a lot less likely for anyone to hear you scream than at Buck’s apartment. You’re not sure how they managed to get you here without anyone seeing you, and you’re not sure you want to know either.

“There’s our sweet girl. You feeling alright, sweetheart?” Eddie speaks in a feigned soft voice. He’s not necessarily mad at you, so he doesn’t want to take it out on you completely, but even so, there’s a hint of gruffness in his voice.

Your lip quivers as you look up at him, the glint from the knives they’re both holding distracting you from the fact that they’re still wearing those masks, but only for a moment.

“My wrists hurt. Can you loosen the restraints?” you ask, trying to keep your voice soft and sweet. They were nice to you at one point, so you pray that if you’re nice enough to them, they might show you some mercy. Buck chuckles softly, and he’s about to lunge at you before Eddie stops him with a firm hand on his chest.

You yelp softly at Buck’s movement, tears threatening to fall from your eyes.

“Nice try. Don’t think I’ve forgotten how you tried to run from me. Twice.” Buck seethes, and you finally let a few tears fall. You lower your head, which makes Eddie smile. Such a submissive little thing now. Just like he’d known you’d be.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I was just scared. You caught me off guard.” you tell him in a shaky voice, looking up at him with the best puppy dog eyes you can muster.

You remember how desperate Buck was when he was kissing you, so you hope that you can get him back to that rather than the man standing in front of you. You’re sure if Eddie wasn’t here, the knife in Buck’s hand would already be firmly in your chest.

“You tried to run. You’ll learn soon enough that you can’t do that, yeah? You can never get away from us.” Eddie says calmly, and it makes your blood run cold. Eddie’s stoic voice is somehow scarier than Buck’s clearly enraged demeanour.

At least Buck is showing his anger. You have no idea what Eddie is thinking or how you could possibly talk yourself out of this with him.

“You killed all those people.” you tell them, your shoulders relaxing as you look up at them with a pleading expression. You can’t see the way their eyes travel down to your bra-covered tits and your soft tummy, and the way they focus on your exposed thighs, but even so, you shiver.

You’re terrified of what they could do, but you can’t help the way your cheeks heat up at their attention. The way they’re looking at you with their heads tilted to the side makes you feel things you know you shouldn’t, and you can’t help but think about their mouths on you in your apartment.

“They deserved it. They were abusers, and rapists, and racists. They deserved every single slice they got.” Eddie speaks in a low voice, and for a moment, his voice seems desperate. He wants you to see their side of this, but it’s difficult right now.

“You killed Grace. And Isaac.” you counter, chewing on your lip as you think about them.

Grace was hard enough for you to cope with, but they made you watch Isaac die, and that’s not something you’re sure you’ll ever forget.

“You’re really gonna keep pretending you give a shit about Grace? She disrespected you. She disrespected us.” Buck says angrily, his jaw clenched as he lets a hard breath out through his nose. Your brows furrow in confusion.

“When did she disrespect you?” you ask, trying to ignore the way your heart flutters at their protectiveness over you. They may be literal killers, but they were once your sweet regulars, and you hate that you love the idea of them caring so much about you.

“She disrespected what was ours. Disrespected our taste; as if we’d ever want someone like her.” Eddie rasps, and you’re not sure what to say about this. You had thought the same as her, after all; you weren’t sure why they chose you and not her. You wouldn’t dare tell them that, though.

“And as for Isaac, he was getting too close. He tried to take you from us.” Buck explains, licking his lips as he thinks about the fear in Isaac’s eyes when they killed him. How you let him hold you so close while Eddie killed Isaac.

“He didn’t. He was being nice.” you try to argue, your voice getting slightly louder as you sit up straighter. They both scoff, grips tightening on their knives.

“He wanted you for himself.” Eddie is getting angrier, you can tell by his tone. If you thought Buck was frightening, you’re sure Eddie would be much scarier if you could see his face beneath his mask right now.

“He was trying to help me feel better. Safer.” you say in a soft voice, ducking your head in fear.

“Yeah, trying to make you feel better by putting his disgusting hands on you, by corrupting our sweet girl. That’s our job.” Buck says, his body suddenly tensing. Your shoulders raise at his outburst, and you keep your eyes focused on the ground in front of you.

“Would you have let him touch you, sweetheart? Would you have let him kiss you, touch you, fuck you?” Eddie asks, and when you look up at him, his head is tilted slightly. He studies your every move, trying to decipher if you’ll lie to them or not.

You shake your head, whimpering soft no’s, and Eddie chuckles.

“Exactly, because you’re ours to take care of, isn’t that right? Don’t pretend that you didn’t like when we ate your pretty little pussy.” Buck says before Eddie can respond.

Eddie’s eyes dart to Buck for a split second before he looks back at your sheepish expression, and he knows immediately that they’ve got you right where they want you.

“Admit it, sweet girl.” Eddie urges, and you swallow before you speak.

“I liked it.” You can’t lie to them, especially not when they made you feel so good. You know that the fear should be eating you from the inside out right now, but you can also feel the familiar feeling of arousal in your belly as they stare you down.

“Good girl. See? You’re all ours to care for.” Buck purrs, his anger slowly melting away. You begin to calm down as Buck does, and you’re glad that the remnants of the sweet man you know are back, sort of.

“So, you’re not gonna hurt me?” you ask, sniffling softly as they step closer to you. They’re now towering over you, masks tilted at the same angle while they stare you down in your pretty cotton panties and black bra.

“Hurt you? Why would we hurt you?” Eddie asks in a slightly condescending tone, watching as Buck leans down just enough to drag his knife across your chest.

“Sweet girl, we don’t want to hurt you, we want to keep you.” Buck adds on, then uses the knife to tear the side of your panties. You shiver as the sound of ripping of fabric hits your ears, and your eyes widen slightly, hating how turned on you are.

“We’ll only mark up this pretty skin and paint it red if you disobey us, and you’re not gonna do that, are you, sweet girl?” Eddie asks, tearing the other side of your panties with his knife. Your thighs quiver as the fabric falls slightly, and a small gasp escapes your lips when Buck rips the fabric from your body completely.

“No, I won’t. I won’t, I promise.” you reply in a quivering voice, shaking your head fervently. You can’t tell if you’re more turned on or afraid right now, but you can feel the pool between your legs, and embarrassment fills your body.

Buck and Eddie smirk at each other at your quick response, although they can’t see each other’s faces, and then they both place the blades of their knives on your inner thighs. They force you to spread your legs for them, and they both smirk wider when they see the mess between your legs, although all you can see is the big, void holes of their masks.

“You’re dripping, baby. You must love the idea of being all ours.” Buck purrs, eyes on your glistening folds.

Eddie watches Buck as he kneels down and begins to press hot kisses to your inner thighs, getting dangerously close to your core as he pushes the mask up his face just enough to expose his mouth.

“Since you’ve been so good at controlling your anger, I’m gonna let you pick. You want her pussy, or her sweet little mouth?” Eddie asks Buck, and you feel yourself getting impossibly more turned on at the fact that he’s ignoring your say in the matter completely.

Buck thinks for a moment, unable to decide which he’d rather, but when he looks back down at your desperate cunt, he answers quickly.

“Need this pussy.” Buck murmurs, resisting the urge to bury his face between your thighs. Eddie chuckles, shaking his head at how hard of a time Buck has hiding his feelings.

Eddie wants to fuck you just as bad right now, but he wants your mouth almost as bad, and he knows by how wet you are that he’ll definitely get his chance. You’re theirs now.

Eddie moves around to the back of your chair and cuts your wrists loose while Buck pulls his mask back down, and then Buck is quick to pull you up, not giving you a chance to rub your wrists in a desperate attempt to soothe them.

Buck lifts you with ease, mostly so you don’t run again, and also because he so. fucking. desperate. His hands grip the back of your thighs tightly as he brings you to Eddie’s room, and he groans when he throws you onto the bed and you squeal softly.

They don’t give you a chance to speak, or breathe, before Eddie walks around Buck’s frame and flips you onto your stomach. His hands are on your hips as he urges you to lift your hips, making you arch your back and show them your dripping cunt once again.

Buck is already palming himself through his jeans as he takes in the sight of your ass in the air, waiting like the good girl that you are for their cocks. Your cheek is pressed against the sheets as you wait patiently for them to touch you, and when you feel a hand move up your thigh to your ass, then smack you harshly, you bite back a whimper.

A moan escapes your throat a second later when you feel the tip of Buck’s cock teasing your entrance, gathering up your arousal before he uses it to push all the way into you in one swift motion.

You’re not even used to the sheer size of him when Eddie moves to kneel in front of you on the bed, mask covering his face and clothes still covering his body, except for his hard, leaking cock that’s been pulled out of his pants.

He grabs your hair and roughly tugs you up onto your hands before he pushes his cock past your lips and into your mouth. You gag around him as he starts to move with force, mouth watering moans escaping his lips as he fucks your mouth.

“Yeah, you like that, sweet girl? I can feel you clenching around me.” Buck purrs, and you whimper around Eddie’s cock, unable to nod or speak.

Eddie chuckles darkly, picking up his pace to match Buck’s desperate thrusts to your cunt. Buck groans at the sight of you filled by both of them at once, and as much as he loves the sight, he fights hard to resist the urge to pull you back against him by your hair and fuck you harder.

You try your hardest to pay attention to Eddie as Buck abuses your cunt, trying to use your tongue and hollow your cheeks as he fucks your throat, but it’s difficult.

Buck is so deep inside of you, and you can already tell that you’re going to feel him for days after he’s done with you.

You can feel Eddie twitching as you look up at him, tears streaming down your face as you struggle to breath around his cock, but he doesn’t let up. He’s set on cumming down your throat, and no amount of tears will deter him.

You can feel yourself getting closer too, and you hate how good it feels to be used by both of them at once. Buck reaches one hand around to rub your clit in quick circles, making you whimper loudly around Eddie’s cock.

After a few more harsh thrusts, you cum with a loud moan, and Buck is teetering on the edge. When Eddie sees that you’ve been taken care of, he pulls his cock from your mouth and pulls you forward on the bed.

Your face brushes against the sheets again, and you feel yourself clench around nothing as Buck’s cock is pulled from your cunt. You can’t even speak when Eddie flips you around again, this time onto your back. You watch as he moves to stand beside Buck at the edge of the bed, then let him pull you off the bed and onto your knees in front of them.

They both want to breed you so bad; fuck their cum into you until you’re swollen with the constant reminder of who you belong to, but it’s too soon to think about that. Maybe when you’re properly trained for them, they’ll reward you by filling your pussy to the brim.

“Open your pretty little mouth, baby. You’re gonna take all of it, sweet girl, yeah?” Eddie purrs, and you nod quickly, eyes darting between both men as they start to fist their cocks eagerly.

You open your mouth as you wait, thighs squeezing together as you watch with hungry eyes.

Finally, finally, they both let go, coating your face and chest with their cum, and you try desperately to catch as much of it in your mouth as you can.

You swallow eagerly, eyes darting between them as you do, and when you stick out your tongue to show them that you’ve taken it all, they both smirk beneath the masks.

“There we go. Good girl; letting us fill your belly with our cum. And if you try to run again, we’ll gut you. Take it all away from you. You got that, sweet girl?” Eddie asks in a condescending tone.

In your post-orgasm daze, all you can do is nod, mumbling a soft “yes, promise I won’t.”

“Good girl. See? We’ll take care of you, sweet girl. You’re all. ours.” Buck rasps, and you nod again, biting your lip as you savour the taste of them on your tongue.

Their pretty girl. They know they’ve almost completely broken you already; ruined you for anyone else. Pretty soon, they won’t even need the knives. It won’t take them long to have you completely subservient to them, and then, they’ll reward you with their cum; fucked deep into your womb.

next chapter

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[biasbuck]

BiAsBuck’s ficrec Fridays

We're so back baby! Happy weekend everyone, apologies for the delay whilst I've been away travelling. I HAVE been reading lots on my trains however, so here's another round of the fic I've been reading this fortnight whilst not actively flailing over the glorious new episodes. As always you can find previous rec lists here. Some light spoilers for new episodes.

6 October 2024

still the bone remembers, still it wants by @eddiebabygirldiaz in which 'Eddie goes to therapy and learns how to want. Buck helps.' Ohhh I absolutely adored following along on this ride as a wip and now it's complete in all its glory! From his childhood responsibilities looking after his sisters, through the events of season 4 and 5, Eddie struggles with identifying what he wants in life, and Frank gives him homework to make a list of simple desires for just himself. What follows is a beautiful journey of unpacking what's in his heart, with the most gorgeously in love and enamoured Buddie. The imagery in this fic melted me, from the orange tree to dancing and more. Indulgent in the best possible way. I'm still swooning from how much they love and laugh together!

tell you my sins (sharpen your knife) by @sonofatoasterwaffle from sweetness to....Hot Priest Smut! (And yet somehow, still sweet?!) This is gloriously fun and filthy and a little tongue in cheek crack treated seriously, in which Eddie deals with his recognition of his feelings for Buck by fucking a Priest about it....and makes Fleabag eat her heart out. It's 'for anyone who dreams about reclaiming pieces of the religion that hurt them in a fun and sexy way.' Featuring incredibly funny Bobby along the way. Poor guy.

oh what a terrible honor it's been (to learn that my blessings are things you call sins) by @capseycartwright on the other end of the Catholic Guilt explorations comes this 'Hey God, it's me, Eddie. I hope you don’t mind that I’m sitting in your house thinking gay thoughts.' In which Eddie seeks various methods of support in dealing with the fallout from season 7, from therapy to a veterans group to reexamining his childhood and his relationship with God. Really beautifully achey and cathartic and uplifting.

Take My Oxygen (This Plane is Going Down) by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels ahhh I had so much fun reading this! Buck is a succubus, and the firefam a mix of fae and humans in the know about the magical world. Eddie is a new recruit, and he can't help but find Buck mesmerising as they become best friends. But Buck has been coping with his inadvertently fatal (to his partners) natural state through a series of unhealthy mechanisms and it's taking its toll. When we say Eddie would step over the body to help support Buck...this is this fic! And yet it's also so supportive and sexy and a weaves in canon in such surprisingly effective ways!

the moon don't hang quite as high by @glorious-spoon in which 'after Bobby and Chris leave, Buck breaks up with his boyfriend, tries not to punch his new boss, and worries about Eddie.' I am so incredibly obsessed with the dialogue in this fic, it captures Buck and Eddie's voices and idiosyncrasies so well and the patter of their banter and friendly bickering, particularly how weird they are about their own and each others relationships (affectionate.)

The Write Way To Love by @spotsandsocks this was such a cute AU, in which Buck is an anxious children's fantasy author and Chris (and Eddie) are some of his biggest fans. Running an art competition for children to submit their drawings to be printed in his next book, the elusive E. Buckley makes a rare public appearance and bumps into single Dad Eddie, where sparks fly. Can Buck get over the voice in his head self sabotaging his path to happiness? This fic hit very close to home and I had so much fun reading it, and loved Christopher's voice in it so much!

a sweetheart (to hold when i'm alone) by @clusterbuck at all times on my Give That Man A Cat agenda, directly following on from the zoom call in 8x01, Eddie finds a stray in his back yard, adopts her and falls in love. Things might not be healed with Chris but perhaps they can take tentative steps forward. Eddie holding on to the mask even as it fractures, and yet not giving up, finding inner strength and outlets for all the love he holds in his heart.

cool dry place by @gayeddieagenda 'After a long summer, Buck and Eddie try to figure out if this is the right time.' Another which just nailed the voices so well, I love the patience of this fic, a really lovely look at restraint and allowing grace time to heal and feel surety, without punishing characters for needing time, and with a beautiful sense of precipice for a new relationship.

And finally two tumblr fics from @hotshotsxyz, the taste of iron a powerful alternate ending following 8x01 (what if Buck hadn't tackled Gerrard) with a brilliantly effective mirroring of the shooting arc, and a hilarious Brad Torrence POV fic from 8x02 this method acting (might pay our bills) in which we hear his inner monologue whilst riding in the back of the stolen fire engine with Bobby and Buck. Perfection!

That's it for this week, bee seeing you soon after Athena and Jem land this plane!

[dragon-kazansky]

Heart of the Dreaming

Morpheus x Female Reader

Soulmate AU

You are the daughter of Rodrick Burgess. You find out about the "demon" in the basement and decide you want to see it. Things take an unexpected turn when your soulmate connection is made with the man you find down there. You are the one he has been waiting for, and you're being taken away from. Not for long. Dream will protect his soulmate.

{Masterlist}

{Previous Chapter} - {Next Chapter}

Chapter Eight - Our purpose

☆☆☆

A knock on your door breaks you out of your thoughts. You sit up and look at your door. You're not sure how long ago Lucienne had left and expect that it's probably her returning to tell you he has come back.

You rise from the bed and walk over to the door, opening it carefully. It is not Lucienne standing there but Dream himself.

"You're back."

"Yes."

The silence between you is thick and awkward. You feel strange standing in front of him again. He seems different, somehow.

"Can I come in?" He asks.

"Oh right... Yes." You move and let him into your room. He closes the door behind him and turns to find you sitting on your bed again.

"Are you well?" He asks.

"Yes."

He stands there silently. It's rather intimidating. You feel anxious under his gaze and find it easier not to look at him. He might think you're being rude, but you're really not sure what else to do.

"Come with me," he says flatly.

You look at him. "Where to?"

"I am going to meet with my sister. I want you to come."

You feel his honesty in his words. He does want you to go with him. You feel like you should mention that you wanted to leave, but now it didn't seem like the right time.

"Alright."

☆☆☆

You find yourself sitting on a park bench beside Dream. In his hand is some bread, which he's slowly breaking apart to feed to the pigeons.

You sigh quietly as you look around you. The world was new to you. There was a lot to see and do. There are a lot of things you'd need to learn. You had been locked away in that house for so long.

He hasn't spoken much to you.

A ball comes flying from the game being played in front of you, and Morpheus catches it with one hand. You look at him in awe.

It impressed you. Morpheus impressed you.

The young man playing the game came over and apologised. He looks at you and then back at Morpheus. Neither of you say anything.

He takes the ball and returns to the game.

You look up and see a woman approaching. She smiles at you as she comes over. You have no idea who she is, or maybe you do. You keep your eyes on her as she walks closer and sits down next to Dream.

"What you doing?"

"I'm feeding the pigeons," he replies.

Death looks at her brother and then glances at you. She smiles and then turns back to her brother.

"You do that too much, you know what you get?"

Morpheus shakes his head gently.

"Fat pigeons." She smiles. "That's from Mary Poppins. Did you ever see it?"

"No."

A little girl runs past through the birds and startles them. Death smiles as she watches her go.

Morpheus is very silent. Death looks at her brother and asks, "what's the matter?"

"What do you mean?"

Dream glances at you and then turns back to the birds. "I don't know what's wrong, but... You're right. Something is the matter."

Death sits back and shows him she's listening.

"When they captured me, I just had one thought. Vengeance. It wasn't as satisfying as I'd expected. Meanwhile, my kingdom had fallen apart. My tools long since stolen and scattered. And so I embarked upon a journey to find them. Which I did. I'm now more powerful than I have been in eons. And yet..."

He goes silent. Death understands. She leans forward again. "Here you are, feeding the pigeons."

"You see, until then, I'd had a true quest. A purpose beyond my function, and then suddenly, it was over, and... I felt disappointed. Let down. Empty."

You look at him curiously. He was so strange. You didn't quite understand how he works and how his mind ticks. You didn't understand him. Then again, you hadn't had much time to learn about him.

"Does that make sense?" He asks, looking at his sister. "I was so sure that once I got everything back, I'd feel good. But in some ways, I feel worse than when I started. I feel like... Nothing. There. You asked."

"You could have called me, you know." Death tells him.

"I didn't want to worry you." He says back.

"Oh, I don't believe it. Let me tell you something, Dream." She takes the bread from his hand. "And I'm only going to say this once, so you better pay attention. You are utterly the stupidest, most self-centered, pathetic excuse for an anthropomorphic personification on this or any other plane. Feeling sorry for yourself because your little game is over and you haven't got the balls to go out and find a new one. You're as bad as Desire. No, worse."

Death throws the bread back at him, and he catches it.

"And, who are you, if i may ask?" Death looks at you.

"Oh, um..." You feel like you've been put on the spot. Does she know? Doesn't seem like it. Is it your place to tell her?

"My soulmate," Dream tells her.

Death looks at you in awe.

"Soulmate?" Death asks. She glances between you and her brother. "Wait, are you serious? When did this happen?"

"Um. Well, you see... Dream was captured by my father. He was under the house for years... and then I went to take a look one day, and I got this." You hold out your wrist. Death looks at the scar. Suddenly, she grabs her brother's arm and pulls up his sleeve. Her looks at her, unimpressed.

"Curious." She smiles. "That is rare indeed."

"How rare?" You ask, wanting to know more.

"Well, no other of the Endless have a soulmate. Just Dream." She smiles at you.

"What does that mean?"

You avoid looking at Dream. You're too embarrassed to meet his eyes right now. It felt strange finally talking about this thing that connects the pair of you.

"It means you're special."

"I didn't ask to be special." You say to her.

Dream looks down at the ground. He hadn't really had time to sit down and talk to you. He probably should have before coming to speak to his sister. You didn't know him. He didn't really know you. There was a lot of space between you both, and this bond, despite being so real, felt barely there.

"Dream?"

He looks up at his sister.

"You've found your soulmate. You need to connect with her. You have something we don't. Don't spoil it."

Dream turns to look at you. "I am sorry for how I have behaved."

You look at him confused. "You? I think I'm the sorry one. I was so freaked out by everything, and we went straight to looking for your tools... everything is a mess. Sure, you're intimidating, but that doesn't mean I should be rude to you."

It was his turn to look confused.

"Look, I don't know anything about all this soulmate business. All I know is that we are connected. Being soulmates doesn't mean we have to fall in love or anything. It just means we're connected, and that's okay with me." You offer him a smile.

Dream finds himself pleasantly surprised by your words. You've made him feel rather comforted and welcome. It has been a rocky start, but maybe it's time to start again.

"Then we can be friends?" He asks.

"If you'd like."

Death look at her brother with a smug expression and then say as to you, "he doesn't have many friends."

"Well, he has one now." You smile at him.

"Two. He has two friends now." Death grins.

You look at her as if to ask who the other is, but she doesn't respond. She looks around smugly. Dream doesn't say anything either, which leaves you rather curious.

A moment of silence falls between you all before Death speaks again. "Did it never occur to you that I would be worried about you?" She asks.

"I didn't think you-"

"Exactly. You didn't think."

The ball comes flying again, and this time, Death catches it. Morpheus lowers his gaze to pigeons in front of him. While Franklin, the young man playing ball, talks to Death, you look at Morpheus.

"You're as good as your... friend there."

"He's not my friend. He's my brother. And he's an idiot."

"I'm just feeding the birds." Morpheus says.

"Look, I can't stay here all day. I've got work to do. You can come with me if you want, or you can stay here and sulk." Death tells him.

"I'll come with you, I suppose." He replies.

"Well, don't do me any favours." She smiles at him. As Morpheus rises, she chuckles. "You're invited too," she says to you.

You stand up and look at Dream. He looks at you and gives you the subtlest of nods. You join him by his side and walk with him as he follows Death through the park.

"Where are we going?" You ask softly.

"To watch Death work."

Death takes you both on a walk. It's a sunny day, and there's lots of things going on here and there. She stops at a stall and looks at the apple.

"Three please."

"None for me, thank you," Morpheus says.

"You could have it later," Death suggests. He just looks at her. "Just two then."

The vendor chooses 2 apples for her and hands them over. She smiles and turns, holding one out for you. You take it and smile at her softly in thanks. She looks leased that you took it.

Dream watches you as you bite into the apple. Your eyes seem to light up pleasantly as you chew. He wondered when the last time you had an apple was. Judging by your reaction, it had been a while.

Death smiles and loops her arm with her brother as they continue walking. She bites into her apple. Dream glances at you as his sister drags him away slowly. You chuckle softly, following behind them.

"You are good with them," Morpheus says to his sister.

"Apples?"

"Humans." He clarifies.

Death holds up the apple to him. "Bite?"

"No, thank you."

"Have you seen any of the others since you've been back?" Death asks Dream. He confirms he hasn't. Death mentions the last dinner they had together.

The others? You look between the siblings and wonder. They are peculiar in every way, yet you're fascinated. Of all the things your father did and tried, these two were the most interesting of them all.

Death. The being your father tried to trap. You feel awful thinking about it.

You hear Death tell Dream he was missed, along with their missing brother who left some time ago. When he keeps quiet, she teases him by pretending he's asking her questions and then she answers them.

You smile. You never had this kind of relationship with your brothers. Perhaps life would have been different had it been.

Morpheus finds it amusing and looks at her, asking, "How are you, my sister? How have you been keeping?"

"I'm worried about my brother." She replies. "And I'm enjoying this apple." She turns around and looks at you, smiling softly.

"Don't hide back there. Come join us. He has two arms, you know." She chuckles. She's teasing you both. You sigh softly and join Dream on his other side. You don't touch him, but you do walk closely beside him.

Morpheus notices this.

As you walk a little further along, you hear violin music coming from an open window above you. The three of you stop to listen.

"I know this piece." Morpheus says softly. "I haven't heard it in 200 years."

"Come on." Death urges him softly to follow her. You look at Dream and follow him inside. The violin music plays as you enter the apartment. When you reach the room, it's being played from, it stops as the man coughs. Death approaches the man.

"Don't stop, please." She says gently.

You stand beside Dream and watch as his sister approaches the man. There comes a moment of surrealism. The man is dead. She has come to see him to the other side. You feel strange.

She lets the man say a prayer before he takes her hand. Morpheus looks at you as she goes into the other room with him. You can hear her wings.

"Are you alright?" He asks.

You look up at him. "Yes."

Death returns. She smiles softly. "Come." She leaves the apartment, and you both follow her out. Death walks beside you.

"Has my brother been looking after you?"

"Oh, um. Well, I suppose. He came back to rescue me, and then we went looking for his tools, and now I'm here."

"Is that all?" She asks softly.

"Well, yes."

She glances back at Dream, who stares at her quietly. You switch your gaze between them as you wait for someone to say something. Death looks almost disappointed in Dream.

"What do you think of my brother?"

"Well... He's unusual. I don't know..."

"Do you think he's handsome?" She asks outright.

You stutter softly. You can feel his eyes on you, and you avoid looking up at him just in case. Death smiles softly and realises you're not going to answer her verbally. She winks at you and then carries on walking away.

Eventually, you all come to a stop. She begins to remove her boots.

"My father... it was you he wanted to trap..." You say, watching her. She looks at you with a soft expression.

"I know."

"I'm so sorry..."

"Whatever for? It was your fault." She smiles.

"No, but... My family is the reason your brother was trapped for all those years. We were the reason people suffered..."

Death places a reassuring hand on your shoulder and gives you her kind smile. You feel comforted by her. "You are not at fault. Had they never captured my brother, he never would have found you."

Your face feels slightly warm. You can tell Dream is listening.

"I suppose."

Death doesn't say any more on the matter. She leads the way down to a grassy bank. You find yourself walking beside Dream again. Having him beside you was beginning to feel comforting. You stop to watch Death approach a man. He has drowned in the canal. You watch Death do her job. You watch the wife of the man run to her husband's body and cry. People gather around. You drop your gaze.

"I was going to ask if you'd let me leave, and we'd never have to see each other again now you're free," you say, not looking at him.

Dream turns his head to look at you.

"Now I think I'd rather like to stay." You turn to him now.

"I'm glad," he says.

You hear the sound of wings.

Death watches you both from where she stands. She smiles softly. This soulmate thing could be good for him. She's certain of it. Especially if he falls in love with you.

The two siblings eventually join sides again and walk. You follow on the other side of Dream. He asks her how she's does it. Death confides in him about how she feels about her role. "I have a job to do. And I do it. When the first living thing existed, I was there. When the last living thing dies, I'll put the chairs on the table, turn out the lights, and... lock the universe behind me when I leave."

You listen to her talk. She's putting the world into a new perspective for you.

"I'm not there for all of them. There are exceptions." She says. "Mad Hettie. And then there's your ongoing project."

You look up when she says that.

"How's he faring up after all this time?"

"Who? Hob Gadling?"

"Hob Gadling?" You question, looking between them, but Dream continues to talk to Death.

"I was forced to miss our last appointment." Dream tells her.

"Well, I'm sure he'd love to see you." Death looks at him. "Maybe take her with you. She could meet your other friend."

Dream knows Death is talking about you.

"They're never too keen to see me, though."

"Does it not bother you?" Dream asks.

"I actually used to think I had the hardest job in all our family."

"Oh, did you?" Dreams looks amused.

"They fear the Sunless Lands, yet they enter your realm every night without fear."

"And yet I am far more terrible than you." He says.

You smile at the two.

They talk some more. As they talk, you lose yourself in your thoughts. The world was vastly different than you remember it. Just like Dream, you had been a prisoner at that house. You had missed out on so much. You look at Dream and realise that he's your chance of a future. You don't fit into this world anymore, but you have him.

You hear Death confess that she had thought about giving up. Dream looks bewildered by her statement. You follow her into a house and find yourself freezing at the door. Morpheus sees the crib and then looks at you. Death gives you an apologetic look as she picks up the baby.

Morpheus comes to stand in front of you. You find yourself startled as he reaches for your hand. You look up at him. The sound of wings fills the back of your mind.

Life was unfair sometimes.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

You nod silently.

He lets go of your hand when you all leave the house, but he continues to walk right beside you. He keeps his eyes on you as you all walk.

Dream learns a lot from his sister. He learns a lot about humanity. He also learns quite a bit about you. He has seen the way reaches to everything today. You were lost in your own world, but you have chosen to stay by his side. He was thankful.

Eventually, you slowly start to make your way back to the park. You and Dream walk side by side. Death walks on the other side of her brother.

"I used to think I had to do this all by myself."

"But you do."

"No. At the end, I'm there with them. I'm holding their hand and they're holding mine. I'm not alone when I'm doing my job. And neither are you. Think about it. The only reason we even exist, you and I, and Desire and Despair, the whole family. We're here to serve them."

Dream listens to her.

"It isn't about quests or finding purpose outside our function. Our purpose is pur function. We're here for them. Since I figured that out, I realised I need them as much as they need me."

Morpheus seems pleased by her words.

"I've seen so many cool things and people and worlds. I've learned so much. Lots of people don't have a job they love doing, do they? So, I think I'm really very lucky."

You smile. She liked her job. Maybe you can help Dream with his.

"Listen, I've got to head back soon."

Morpheus takes her hand. "You've taught me something I have forgotten. I thank you, my sister."

Death smiles at Dream.

"Aw. That's what family's about, little brother."

Death turns her gaze to you, "Look after her, won't you, Dream?"

"I will," Dream says. He looks at you softly.

There's a screech of a car, and then Franklin comes over when he sees Death and starts talking to her. Dream smiles and starts guiding you away.

Death calls out to him. "Don't be a stranger, okay?"

He nods and continues leading you away.

"Where are we going?" You ask softly.

"I'm late for an appointment."

You walk with him in a comfortable silence.

☆☆☆

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