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fuckin-georg · 4 years ago

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Kravitz Went Down to Fantasy Georgia

It was scorching hot in Fantasy Georgia when the stranger came. A quiet, sweltering August day. The kind that discourages any sort of movement whatsoever. Most of the residents of Fantasy Georgia had taken to sitting on their doorsteps, casting cold spells as much as their spell slots would allow. The non-magic users of the town quickly sidled up to the magic users, aiding with fans and anything cold they could find. Business owners had their doors opened, and a drow woman, the owner of the local bar, brought out fresh lemonade to anyone who wanted it. On the steps of a building on the right side of the street, a young elven woman played a fiddle, providing a welcome entertainment. A human man leaned against the stair railing, watching her play with a mix of admiration and love.

The stranger seemed to materialize out of the horizon line, melting into reality like a desert mirage. His dark suit, dark hat and dark horse certainly stood out in the hot Fantasy Georgia sun, but the stranger wasn’t even breaking a sweat. His handsome face was set in a stern expression, and he rode with a purpose. Little did the people of Fantasy Georgia know how much of an act he was putting on.

Kravitz was in trouble. The Raven Queen was kind and patient, much more patient than Kravitz ever was with himself, and she had been giving him dozens of second chances to catch the liches he’d been pursuing for months. These red robed specters have been giving him quite the chase: through the mines of Phandalin, winding through the Felicity Wilds, and even to the moon and back. But finally, he had them tracked down to this small desert town. Soon this wild goose chase will be all over.

As soon as he enters the small town, all eyes were on him. A burly, bearded man standing outside of a carpentry shop paused his work on a wheelchair to look at him. Kravitz tipped his hat towards him, and he nodded his head back at him. A dwarven man sat outside of the local church, as two young children played in front of him. From behind the building where the bar was, a young elven man carried a box of food, but stopped in his tracks as he saw Kravitz. When he noticed Kravitz looking at him, he smirked and winked, and continued walking. Kravitz blushed and coughed loudly. That was the last thing Kravitz needed right now. He was so close to the liches he could feel it. He couldn’t afford to be distracted by a very handsome elf. Not right now, at least.

Finally, Kravitz came upon the young fiddle player and her admirer. He couldn’t help but be impressed at her skill with a violin. He had always appreciated good music in life and in death, and she obviously had a gift. He dismounted his horse as casually as he could, which meant that he fumbled with his footing a little bit as he went to the ground. He heard a snicker behind him, and then a voice.

“First time riding a horse, city boy?”

Kravitz heard the music stop, and saw the woman looking at him. He chuckled.

“Was it that obvious?” He silently cursed himself for his ridiculous accent. It was an old habit he was trying to stop, but old habits die hard. Pun intended.

“Nah, just a feeling. Your giant black suit definitely doesn’t give anything away. Seriously I’m sweating my ass off just looking at you.” She turned to the man sitting next to her. “Babe, you wanna get us some lemonade from Ren?”

“Sure thing.” The man kissed her cheek and got up to go to the bar. The woman put her fiddle down and stood up, smoothing the wrinkles on her clothes. “So what brings you here?”

Kravitz paused for a moment, trying to find the right words.

“Business.”

“Ah I see. Trying to open a fantasy Hot Topic?”

Kravitz gave another chuckle as he looked down at the ground. “No, nothing like that. Doesn’t seem like that would be a big seller here.” She laughs at that. Another pause. “Actually Lup, my business here is more…personal.” And as he looked at her, his eyes glowed red, and for a moment, he let his human form flicker to his skeletal form, and then back again. Lup shivered in the sun.

“Oh.”

Kravitz reached into the air and a book materialized into his hand. He opened it and flipped through it until he found the page he was looking for.

“Lup, you are under arrest for necromantic crimes against the Raven Queen and the natural world, including but not limited to: becoming a lich, evading capture, and for the use of arson against multiple reapers.”

Lup looked affronted. “Now, wait a sec there, ghost rider, y’all are already dead. I don’t think a little fire is gonna do any real damage.”

Kravitz snapped the book shut, pointedly ignoring her comment. He lifted the book back into the air, and it dematerialized. With his other hand, he summoned his scythe.

“You couldn’t run forever, Lup. Now you can come quietly with me and we’ll do this properly, or it can get very ugly very fast.”

It was at that opportune moment that Lup’s boyfriend decided to come back, precariously carrying three glasses of lemonade that he was intently focused on not dropping.

“Alright. I didn’t know if you wanted any lemonade, so I got us three just in ca-“

He looked up and saw Lup, the stranger, and a scythe. The stranger turned his head toward him and flashed his red eyes once more. He brought the book back and opened it to-

“Barry Bluejeans: multiple counts of necromantic crimes against the Raven Queen, including becoming a lich and evading capture multiple times. You are also under arrest.” And the book disappeared once more. Barry just stared dumbfounded at the stranger.

“…So no lemonade, then.”

Lup put her hands up, seemingly looking to negotiate a deal.

“Alright, listen, ghost rider. Can I call you ghost rider?”

“I would prefer if you called me Kravitz.” He growled a little. He definitely was not in the mood to negotiate with these undead abominations who refuse to go in quietly, if they ever go in at all.

“Alright, skeletor. You’ve been following us for a while now. Let me ask you something. … Have you ever actually seen us do any harm to anybody else?”

Kravitz gripped his scythe harder and brought it closer to the liches. Barry flinched a little bit, but Lup stood unwaveringly.

“Your presence is a danger to everyone on this planet. Now, my patience grows thin.” His eyes began to glow again.

Lup’s eyes darted around, seemingly looking for an out, when her eyes landed on something peeking out from behind Kravitz’s back. Hey eyes widened.

“Wait wait wait.” She pointed to his back. “You play, too?”

This was enough to halt Kravitz for just a second, and he glanced behind him at the violin case strapped to his back. “Yes. I’m rather fond of the violin as well. Small world. Now if you’ll excuse me.” He began to raise his scythe.

“Let me play you.”

And now, Kravitz was listening. “Beg your pardon?”

Lup looked relieved that Kravitz had finally paused in his mission. She continued.

“Let me play you. One fiddle vs another. Best player wins.”

And oh. Lup had hit Kravitz in his weak spot. He couldn’t resist a good gamble. Especially one that he had such an advantage on. Nothing against Lup’s rather good skills, but he doubted that she, at one point, was first violin in the most famous orchestra on the planet. Kravitz chuckled and dematerialized his scythe.

“Alright. Best player wins. If I win, you and Barry come with me. No resisting,” he gave Lup a stern look. “No fire.”

“No fire. And if I win?”

Kravitz thought about it for a minute, and then put his left palm out with his right hand covering it. He pulled his right hand straight up in the air, as if he were pulling a string, but instead of a string, he manifested a fiddle made entirely out of pure gold. It glimmered magnificently in the sun, and Lup’s eyes widened to the size of saucers.

“Holy shit. Deal.”

Kravitz looked around and saw an old hickory stump in the middle of the street. He walked towards it and laid the golden fiddle on it. By this point, most people had been watching this back and forth intently, and Kravitz wondered how many of them knew that their dear friends and neighbors were undead beings. No matter. He turned back around to Lup and Barry. Lup had went and gotten her violin and was walking towards Kravitz. She seemed pretty confident and Kravitz almost felt sorry for her.

They took their positions. Kravitz on one end of the street, Lup on the other, just like an old-fashioned shoot-out you would see in those old Fantasy westerns. Kravitz reached behind him and pulled his violin from behind him. It was completely black, and the base was shaped like a skull, to match the entire aesthetic he had going on. It was a gift from the Raven Queen when he first became a reaper. He took out his bow and looked at Lup, who bowed to him.

“Reapers first, m’dude.”

“With pleasure.” And Kravitz positioned his bow across the strings, paused for a moment, and began to play.

His first movement across the strings ignited a fire in him that he hadn’t felt in a long time, so much so that it spilled out of his fingertips and sent sparks into the air. His red eyes glowed with passion and power, and a mighty ripple went through the town and its residents. Music had been Kravitz’s passion in life, and it continued in death. He played a dark tune that made the ground rumble, as if the souls of the damned were threatening to break through. Kravitz finished on a truly impressive glissando and brought his bow down with a flourish. Not a soul stirred as all of the residents stared at Kravitz in awe. Then, the silence was broken.

“FUCK yeah, bone daddy!”

Kravitz whipped his head around and saw the handsome elf from earlier shouting at him from the porch of the bar. Kravitz blushed again, but his newfound confidence from his recent playing encouraged him enough to wink back at the elf. Lup, however, was not as pleased.

“Taako, what the FUCK! You used to be my brother!! Support me, please??”

The elf, whose name was Taako, at least had the decency to look guilty.

“Sorry lemme try again. … Go Lup! Woo!” Taako did not sound nearly as enthusiastic as he did for Kravitz. Lup rolled her eyes and turned back to Kravitz.

“Not bad. For a dead guy.” She smiled. “The sparks were real cute. Now, let me show you how it’s done.”

And she began to play.

Hundreds of years in service to the Raven Queen is proof that Kravitz physically does not have a heart anymore. That still didn’t stop it from warming as soon as Lup began to fiddle. Kravitz’s playing chilled the town. Lup’s warmed it back up. There was love in every note and it filled every person with a sense of hope. Her passion for something…or someone…was so obvious and evident, it seemed to be a magic all on its own. It didn’t even take the whole song for Kravitz to realize that he’d been out-fiddled. When Lup finished up, the entire town cheered, and Kravitz actually had to stop himself from cheering too. Barry ran over to Lup and embraced her, a huge smile on both of their faces. Kravitz bowed his head and began to walk back toward his horse, ready to leave town, when…

“Wait a minute, ghost rider. You’re forgetting the last part.”

Kravitz turned back around, and Lup had her fiddle back in hand, ready to play again.

“What next part? You won, fair and square.”

Lup laughed. “No no no. Now,” and she played a chord, “we play together.”

Kravitz cocked an eyebrow as Lup looked at him expectantly. “C’mon! Play with me!”

And Lup began to play again, a jovial dance tune. Kravitz looked at her. He wondered why he didn’t just strike her down when he had the chance. What in the world had compelled him to take this bet, and not just bring in the two liches who had been causing him so much trouble? He could do it now. He could just rear his scythe back and end them here and now. He could…

Maybe it was the long journey he had. Maybe it was the elf who had been flirting with him. Maybe it was the thrill and joy of the music that he hadn’t felt in a long time. For whatever reason…

Kravitz played with her.

Their two different music styles weaved so wonderfully together: Kravitz’s low, otherworldly sounds, Lup’s full of life and love. Before they knew it, they were playing like old friends and partners. The townsfolk had begun to clap in rhythm, some even dancing in the street. Barry had somehow (probably with magic) pulled a piano outside and began to play with them as well. It was the most fun Kravitz had had in the mortal world in a long time. He and Lup were laughing and so was Barry and for the first time, Kravitz was making mortals happy, and not bringing death and pain to them. It was thrilling and wonderful. One song turned into two, and then into five, and pretty soon, Kravitz, Lup and Barry had spent the better part of the afternoon giving an impromptu concert to the residents of Fantasy Georgia.

The concert had winded down to a halt right around sunset, when people were just too tired to dance, and, in Lup’s and Barry’s case, too tired to play. Kravitz sat with them, and finally got around to having that lemonade from earlier. They sat on the steps that Kravitz had found them on earlier.

“I haven’t had that much fun in a long time,” said Kravitz.

Lup looked at him with a smile. “Yeah. You’re not so bad once you finally let loose.” She took a swig of lemonade. “And you’re a pretty fucking good player.”

Kravitz smiled too. “I should hope so. I wasn’t first chair at the Neverwinter Orchestra for nothing.”

“No shit!” Lup looked impressed. There was silence as the three of them looked at the sky. Kravitz sighed and turned to Lup and Barry.

“Look. I’m gonna need to talk to you guys eventually. About you being liches and everything. You can’t stay like this forever. Liches are…incredibly dangerous beings.”

Barry spoke up. “We know. We…we knew the risks when we first became liches, but…you have to understand. We were coming from a place where we encountered…” he looked at Lup nervously. She shrugged as if to say “Might as well tell him.” “…we encountered death more times than we ever would like to admit.”

Lup popped in. “We stopped a major apocalypse happening here. Of course, nobody knows anything about it because…well, we stopped it.”

Kravitz blinks a couple of times. “Wait, you guys stopped…the end of the world?”

Barry grimaces. “It’s a long story. Us and a couple of other people here…we’re not really…from this world?”

Kravitz could feel a headache forming. This was a lot more complicated than he thought. “Hooo-kay. I’ll…I’ll take your word for it for now. We need to talk about everything, eventually. How you’re able to be so calm and collected for being liches to start. But I do have to get back soon. The bottom line is we really can’t have liches on this planet.” Lup and Barry look nervously at each other. Kravitz suddenly has an idea. “Look. What if I talked to my goddess about you two, and we set up a meeting where you explain everything to her. What I could do is…talk her into letting you become reapers. You’d do everything that I do and possibly could still have residency here with your family.”

Kravitz looked expectantly at Lup and Barry, who looked extremely surprised. Barry spoke up first. “Woah. That’s…that’s a better proposition than I thought you were gonna say.” Lup then said “Why are you being so nice to us?”

Kravitz fiddled with his glass of lemonade and avoided eye contact with them. “Well, to be honest, you reminded me of how much I enjoy making music with other people. It’s been a while since I’ve plated with other people.” He paused. “Plus, I would very much like to play with you guys again, and I can’t really do that if you’re in the Eternal Stockade.”

Lup smiled wide. “Fuck yeah, ghost rider! We’ll be a trio of reaper musicians! Fear the Reapers! That’s our name. Don’t argue with me on this one, my names are fucking perfect.”

Kravitz laughed. “I still have to talk with the Raven Queen tho. But I’ll be in contact with you.” He stands up and turns to them with his hand outstretched. Barry takes it.

“Will do, Kravitz. Thanks for…y’know, getting to know us and not taking us in right away.”

Kravitz smiles and then goes to shake Lup’s hand.

“Oh, NONE of that, bones.” And she forgoes the handshake and goes right in for a hug. Kravitz is taken aback for a few seconds before he reciprocates. Lup lets go and says “You’re pretty much our friend now, so there’s no getting rid of us. Plus I’ve already made an Fantasy Instagram for our band. You can’t back out now.”

Kravitz shakily laughs. “Oh, I’m gonna have so much explaining to do to the Raven Queen.” He walks over to his horse and mounts it, ready to head out. “Barry, Lup, it’s been an absolute pleasure, and I look forward to our meeting. I’ll um…actually hold on. Do you have Stones of Farspeech?”

“Yeah.”

“For sure.”

Barry and Lup pull out two stones hanging around their neck. Kravitz waves his hand and the stones glow for a couple of seconds before returning to their normal state.

“There,” Kravitz said. “I’ve attuned your stones to mine, so when I have the meeting set up, I’ll contact you.”

Lup looks at her stone. “Oh rad!” She looks back up at Kravitz and says “Take it easy, ghost rider! And thanks for the golden fiddle!”

Kravitz waves at Barry and Lup before riding down the street and out of town. Before Kravitz could get too far out of the town, he heard a voice shout from behind him.

“HEY! Hey woah woah woah! Bone daddy!”

Kravitz turned and saw the handsome elf from before (Taako?) riding toward him on his own horse. He slowed down right as he got to Kravitz and rode next to him.

“Think you were gonna leave without saying goodbye?”

Taako was even more handsome up close, and it threw Kravitz off so much that he forgot to keep up the accent that he’d been doing the whole time.

“Um…can’t say goodbye if we didn’t even say hello.”

Taako laughed a little hysterically. “Holy shit. That accent wasn’t even real?!” He tipped his head back and laughed for real. Kravitz secretly wanted him to keep laughing forever. “You’re a fucking dork!! Oh my god!”

Kravitz bristled a little at that. “I am not.”

“Um, yeah you are. You come in here all:” and at this, Taako, dropped his voice comically low and adopted a ridiculous accent. “Wotcher, I’m here to collect your bloody souls, mate. Wanna cuppa tea? Pip pip and all that!” Taako laughed again. “And then the accent isn’t even real!!”

Kravitz’s blush deepened and spread down his neck but couldn’t stop himself from laughing with Taako at how ridiculous it did sound. “Did I really sound like that?”

“Oh don’t worry, thug. It’s hella cute. I love a dorky man.” Taako looked at Kravitz and Kravitz looked back, both pretty enamored with the other. Taako held his hand out. “I’m Taako. Y’know from TV.”

Kravitz took his hand and shook it. “Kravitz. Not from…TV…what even is that?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Taako said as he let go of his hand. (Kravitz wished he didn’t.) “So, not gonna lie, your fiddle playing was pretty hot. You’re really good. I was almost scared for Lup for a split second.”

Kravitz puffed his chest out at the compliment. “Thank you.”

“Well,” Taako said, “even if you had tried to do anything to her or Barold, I would have stepped in and stopped you.”

Kravitz nodded. “Right, siblings, yeah?”

Taako leaned in with a smirk, “Twins.”

“Twins?” Kravitz sighed and put his hand on his forehead. “Oh my god, there’s two of you.”

“Yup.” Taako said with a pop on the “p.”

Kravitz shook his head. “No matter. If I had won and you had tried to do anything, I would’ve had to arrest you, too.”

“Ooo kinky. Buy me dinner first.”

Kravtiz choked on thin air, and Taako nervously laughed. “Woah take it easy.” Taako reached over and patted Kravitz on the back, and Kravitz died a second death. “You’re not on the receiving end of a lot of flirting, are you?”

Kravitz regained some composure and replied, “No, surprisingly enough. When people see me, their first reaction typically isn’t ‘Let me flirt with the man whose here to reap my soul.’”

Taako laughed, and Kravitz beamed. “I must be pretty special, then. One of a kind.”

Kravitz clicked his tongue and shrugged his shoulders, “Technically, you’re one of a pair, because of the whole twin thing.”

Taako gasped and clutched his chest dramatically. Kravitz laughed at his ridiculousness. “Krav, I’m WOUNDED. How could you say that? I’m clearly the better twin. Now you HAVE to buy me dinner to pay for that cruel insult.”

Kravitz laughed as he put his hands up in defeat. “Alright, alright! You drive a hard bargain.”

“Hell yes!” Taako pumped his fist into the air. “Wanna do 8 pm next Friday?”

“Sounds perfect,” said Kravitz, and in a stroke of confidence that surprised even himself, he reached over and touched the Stone of Farspeech still hanging around Taako’s neck. It glowed for a few seconds and became still once more. It was Taako’s turn to blush as Kravitz reluctantly pulled his hand away.

Kravitz said “Now, I can contact you anytime and vice versa.”

Taako took a deep breath. “Sounds like a plan, bone daddy.” He smiled. “See you then.” And without another word, Taako turned back around and rode towards town, looking back to wave at Kravitz.

Kravitz waved a hand back as he watched Taako fade into the distance.

All in all, not a bad day.

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a-taller-tale · 6 years ago

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Mad World

Summary: Simmons gets a mysterious message in the present. Meanwhile in the past, Grif has to explain how birthdays don't matter to an alien spark plug. No matter how time travel works, Back to the Future III will always be relevant. Notes: A @redvsbluesecretsanta gift for @creatrixanimi, who was amazingly patient when life blew up and I needed a few extra days. Also thanks to the RvB Secret Santa mods for organizing such a fun event again this year!

Also on Ao3

The Present

Nobody really celebrated things in Blood Gulch, especially not birthdays. Simmons could admit now that it was a miserable, boring, hot, pointless box canyon in the desert with nothing to do except run drills, do paperwork, patrol Red Base, and—on especially boring days–-try to see what the guys at the Blue Base were doing.

Then the rookies showed up, one Red, one Blue, and everything got a lot weirder. Besides Donut messing up Simmons’ chance at a promotion by somehow wheedling his way into Sarge’s good graces, both rookies were kind of young when they joined up, and very stupid. Neither of them seemed to understand the basic concept of being at war. And suddenly everything was a reason to celebrate.

Donut’s Daily Wine and Cheese Hour started first. Then there was Church’s Best Friend Celebration Spectacular, which Grif and Simmons had attended so they could get the food Donut made for it, and watch Church’s torment.

Sarge decided he wanted in on the action and started making up random holidays when he was bored. And then it was basically non-stop. Interventions, War-iversaries, Armistice Day (for Red and Blue movie nights), and when they couldn’t think of anything else, eventually even birthdays were a thing.

They weren’t as large an occasion as National Hot Dog Day, but they’d be as nice to the birthday guy as possible (which they usually gave up on five minutes in and dragged him more than usual). Then there’d usually be a presentation of old warthog parts wrapped up like presents so they'd have something to unwrap.

Donut always made cake, and Sarge allowed it after Donut swore up and down he wouldn’t make another one to jump out of because he didn’t want the joke to go stale.

Simmons got a party after he told everyone when his birthday was and planted hints all over the Valhalla base that no one could escape. He’d timed it perfectly too, starting a week in advance to account for how long his teammates would hold out to avoid giving him positive attention before they cracked.

“Okay! The surprise party is tomorrow!” Grif yelled. “Please no more texts about how your dad never came to your birthdays! I can’t take it anymore!”

Freckles had a birthday at Crash Site Bravo. Simmons didn’t remember a lot of it because of the blinding terror of being held hostage by a Mantis-class military assault droid and Caboose, who wasn’t famous for his leadership skills or track record of most accidental kills.

They didn’t always celebrate everyone’s birthdays every year, except for when they were on Iris. A lot of times throughout the years, they were busy with life threatening crap. There were accidents, and conspiracies, and missions to take out corrupt old white guys who were sometimes someone’s dad.

But as Simmons stares at the alert that just pinged his HUD, he has no idea how he hadn’t realized they’ve never done a birthday for Grif.

Sure, Sarge likes to joke about him being an unnatural abomination. But they had to have had one birthday thing.

After the Shizno incident was over, they came back to Iris with some pizza-to-go so they could try to have some time off again. Grif didn’t seem that happy to be back, but then again “retirement moon” had been Blood Gulch level of vacation, what with the never ending robot vs. dinosaur wars. And they had to chase some nesting dinosaur squatters out of the base before they could settle in again too.

In a moment that was still crystal clear to Simmons--despite the months of time traveling with Sarge, and then being stuck in a Blood Gulch time bubble--Grif had said he thought everyone hated him. He'd been certain of it, and weirdly calm. Not apathetic though. Resigned.

Simmons thinks it should be obvious by now that the ribbing is just the way that they talk to each other, and he'sthe one with anxiety. Even Sarge makes sure Grif is always with them now. Has been extra eagle-eyed since they got separated.

To use another manly metaphor, Grif's one of the supporting beams on Red Team. Without him they'll fall apart and Sarge would probably go crazy and try to sell everyone out to a serial killer so he could be a movie star. ...Again.

But when Simmons tried to tell Grif that, he only downgraded his importance to “hate glue.”

Simmons frowns at a cobweb clinging to the wall that he must have missed when he tricked everyone into celebrating Spring Cleaning, and realizes with his stomach slowly flipping that they never showed Grif he was important. And Grif noticed, even though he pretended not to care.

Grif thought they all hated him, could still think that, and they never gave him a reason not to. They’d been stuck together for fifteen years, had a drinking night dedicated to the anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic last week, and they never threw a party for Grif.

Simmons pulls up their personnel files. He's filled out forms for Grif, of course. Comes with the territory of carrying Red Team through bureaucracy and making sure they get their pay and also file their taxes right. So how had this date never really registered before?

May the Fourth.

Grif's right. It always comes back to Star Wars.

The Past

Huggins loved talking, and she loved people watching, and watching human movies. Like Die Hard. She and Grif got along super well really fast for her being a lens flare with knowledge supposedly beyond human comprehension.

They’d finally broken down to camp for the night after another day of walking across a country.

What Grif wouldn’t give for some methshrooms now, but he’d used up the last of his stash during the last big battle and hadn’t had the chance to restock before they walked right into more shenanigans without even a pizza break.

And now he was hiking. Something Huggins had totally tricked him into by mentioning his sister. He’d pulled a Sarge move and unloaded his gun at her, because that was dirty pool and she deserved it. But if this were a TV show, she was way better sidekick material than that reporter lady. Plus, he probably should check on his sister now that he knew she wasn't dead and buried in Blood Gulch, and just lost in time like him instead. Nothing better to do in a world without pizza.

“What are birthdays like?” Huggins chirped, interrupting his thoughts.

Grif blinked at the wood he had been kicking into a pile. Oh right, he was trying to build a fire. Not that he needed it with armor on that he was going to sleep in rather than sleeping on the ground, but when you were camping, fires were always necessary for atmosphere. And roasting marshmallows.

“Uh… I dunno,” he said. “Usually the same bullshit happens as any other day.”

“I don’t get the appeal of most other human traditions, but isn’t there cake and singing and celebration and presents? I thought that was important, since you humans don’t live so long.”

“Okay, one: Cake is always important. And B: Yeah, birthdays are a big thing, but only when you’re a kid. When you’re an adult, typically no one gives a fuck.”

Huggins flew in an anxious little circle around Grif’s head, settling into a hover in front of his visor. She had no face that he could see, but he got the impression that there were concerned eyes on him anyway. “But your friends—”

“Have their own shit going on right now, if you haven’t noticed the epic quest you’re leading me on. I’ll be happy if I can just get a slice of pizza after all this is over.”

Huggins clucked her non-existent tongue. Sentient light beings didn’t have tongues, so what made that noise? Unless she had a more alien humanoid type body and he just couldn’t see it with human eyes. Or she was extra-dimensional and the big spark was all that came through. Or—

“After I complete my mission and we defeat the Shizno, we will get pizza,” she said.

Grif cracked a smile, and he was covered by a helmet, but she always seemed to know when she got him to smile and ran with it.

“Ten pizzas!” She declared, zooming up and down dizzyingly, her light brightening. “And an Oreo cake!”

Grif scoffed, but he couldn’t hide the smile from his voice. “Make that an ice cream Oreo cake and you have yourself a deal.”

“Deal!” she yelled instantly. “I can’t wait to go to a human birthday party!”

“Hey, no one said anything about it being a birthday party.”

“It’s going to be your birthday party. And it will not be bull shit.”

“Hey, if you say so. It can be my birthday, if there’s Oreo ice cream cake on the line. And I’m getting the hint that spark plugs—”

“Sentient light beings.”

“—don’t have birthdays, huh? I guess you can share mine as long as you pay for the pizza and cake and beer. I might even let you have some of the cake.”

“Hey, I never said anything about beer. And human food is gross! You can keep it.”

Grif snickered.

The Future

Unfortunately, Huggins never got to follow through on her threat to throw Grif a birthday party.

They fixed almost everything, and came back to Iris, and they even got pizza on the way. But they couldn't save Huggins.

He’s been sleeping and bingeing TV for a few days. Almost no one's bothered him, though Kai's come in to visit and poke him a few times.

It's fine. Okay, not really fine, but it's normal. You win some, you lose some. Just like every other stupid adventure. And he's getting used to losing by now.

Grif stares at the light on the bedroom ceiling. Wonders if Huggins went out like a lightbulb, all burnt and cracked and blackened. He hopes there's an afterlife for little spotlights that talk way too much exposition.

“Hey Grif!”

How the hell does Sarge always sound like he has a megaphone when Grif knows for a fact he doesn’t know how to work the amplifier in his armor?

“What?!” Grif screams through the wall, not moving an inch from his bed. “I’m busy!”

“Get your lazy ass out here, Grif!” comes Simmons’ voice next. He's also good at projecting. If Grif didn't know better, he'd say he was a closet theater kid.

“Fuck off, Simmons!”

“Pretty please.” Grif jumps. Caboose’s voice is at a normal volume, and soft and coaxing, but right outside the door.

Goddammit, of course they sent Caboose. Cheaters.

“Ugh, fine. I’m coming.” Grif rolls out of his blanket nest, ruffling up his hair, and throwing on a semi-clean shirt he’s only worn once from the laundry pile on the floor.

The instant he opens the door, he's greeted not by Caboose, but by the smell of something extremely burnt coming from the kitchen. “Donut better not have set the base on fire again,” Grif complains as he trudges into the common area the Reds and Blues share.

“That better not have been a crack about my cooking,” Carolina says, her arms folded across her chest. Carolina's less scary now that they're kinda friends and he's seen her super baked.

Actually, nah, she's still the same amount of scary when she wants to be, but her mouth is twitching up in the corner. Joking.

“Just stating facts—“ Grif freezes mid-step as he registers the rest of the room.

There's a messy banner that was obviously half-painted by Donut in pastel shades of red, and the other half also obviously by Caboose because it says “Happy Birthday, Girff.”

“Who’s Girff?” he says automatically to cover for his shock. There are streamers, and music playing from a comically antique boom box, and a poster of Blade taped over the sink?

It's also a full house with Wash and Carolina, and also Doctor Grey and Kimball, and the mockumentary film crack team of Dylan Andrews and the guy that filmed for her. Sarge is standing with a twitchy nervous Simmons near the front, and the lieutenants are setting up board games and pizza and appetizers on the table, while Bitters leans back against the wall casually.

“Girff is you, stupid!” Kaikaina says, ambushing him from the side with a bear hug. “Happy birthday, bro!”

Donut swings in from the back where the kitchen is, twirling on one heel, holding a cake decorated with delicate swirls of peach icing and orange flowers. “I just whipped this one up quickly!”

“You made a back-up cake,” Carolina says flatly, turning a real glare on Donut.

“Of course! ” he says breezily. “Nothing can be left to chance on such an important occasion! Always use protection!”

It's really hard for Grif to act cool about this. Everything about the dumb party shows how much they know him, down to the Battlestar Galactica special edition of Clue.

Especially when Simmons shows him the message he got. It was a text alert from a post office on a remote colony that had been holding onto a parchment letter for 1000 years to give to a Dick Simmons on an exact date at an exact hour. The post office wanted some ridiculous fees for the hard copy to be delivered, but luckily they sent Simmons the transcription.

It was a note to save the date for today, and make Grif’s next birthday the party of the century.

Fucking time travel.

Grif had always wanted some ancient clever letter from a time traveler delivered to him with an auspicious warning, or a hundred billion dollars. But he's really glad he knows Huggins liked Back to the Future III now. They hadn’t gotten to those movies in their pop culture conversations yet.

Donut put sparklers in the cake, and when he lights them, the sparks shoot up and down and dance and fly around excitedly.

Surrounded by his family and friends, Grif blows out the candles.

Children waiting for the day they feel good Happy birthday Happy birthday Made to feel the way that every child should Sit and listen Sit and listen

And I find it kinda funny I find it kinda sad The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take When people run in circles It's a very very Mad world Mad world

#rvb #rvb fic #rvb secret santa #dexter grif #huggins #gen #fluff and angst #found family #my writing

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courage-a-word-of-justice · 5 years ago

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Summer debuts aplenty!

Demon Slayer 12

I assume the creature on the episode titlecard is a boar…?

I see…! So Kyogai uses the drums like a game controller! Y’know, like A = attack and directional keys to move.

I almost expected Inosuke to appear from behind the screen door, but it was just Tanjiro…

Huh? For some reason, I find Zenitsu funny now…but only the tiniest bit. Not enough to laugh out loud, but enough to give tiny “heh”s.

Well…that episode title didn’t lie, at least…

Ah-hah! I knew it! Knewwwwwwwww it! It’s the double-personality trope I liked 5 years ago (you see it embodied in Martin/Alter-Az). The only thing I didn’t know was how Zenitsu would become badass…well, now we know. He sleep fights…I still think ingesting blood to invoke a second personality is still way cooler though.

Shoichi? Is that the kid’s name?

“Marechi” doesn’t seem to mean anything…

“Show me your wounds.” Then again, there are some wounds that you can’t present to others…not unless you show the side effects.

As much as I was scared by Exposition Crow, I have to be thankful the little feathered buddy is around. I wouldn’t understand “marechi” otherwise. But seriously, where does that crow hide in his spare time…?

Oh…the duty of filial piety…I know your feel, Tanjiro.

Tanjiro’s brain!Zenitsu is so accurate, I LOLled…a tiny bit.

Tanjiro, you gotta remember: be proud of where you’ve gotten today! Don’t be the man you were yesterday! Keep evolving with the times like water itself, because that is what water is about – change! (triumphant music plays in the background to accompany this declaration)

The only problem I have with filial piety is…what happens when your family has only daughters???

OPM S2 Ep 11 (Ep 23)

Garou’s got a point in that villains are meant to be sympathetic in order to get a good story. However, I’d still root for the heroes all the same.

Naruto running…why’s it so popular???

“Mentsuyu” (on Saitama’s blue shirt) means “noodle soup base” = a mixture of dashi (soup stock), soy sauce, mirin and sugar.

It took me a replay to realise that Garou turned red when the tree fell down.

BSD 36

Uh, dude? Who calls their kid “Eruisu-chan”…? It’s Elise, isn’t it?

Katai – yet again, can I just say he is the husbando we need and not the husbando we want? (LOL) There’s even what appears to be a sake bottle in the bottom left corner…

Is there such thing as a bullet-proof futon???

Come to think of it, this scene with all the rubble about halfway through the episode looks like it comes from the Dead Apple first key visual –the one that came out when the movie was announced. Not the Shin Soukoku one, the other one with Soukoku in a rubble-filled place looking at the horizon.

Looking at Natsume-sensei from the back reveals his hair is calico-coloured too…

I wonder how much of Dazai’s scheming is actually just Natsume-sensei…?

“What did you have for dinner last night?” “Yeah.” – Just imagining this with a monotone instead of Akutagawa’s usual anger is hilarious!

Snakes don’t run…?

Oh, I get why he was calling Akutagawa “bro”! When you’re married, you call your brother in law “brother” as well!

Bungou Stray Dogs 37 (FINAL)

I discovered something – the kanji under ECHO, 回向, are read ekou. What do they mean? The verb form means “to hold a memorial service for [someone]”, so I’d assume it’s “memorial service”.

For some reason, when Atsushi said “you’re not paying for this ride!”, I thought, “It’s your Ubr driver here”…LOL.

I seem to remember that Goncharov controls rock and his power is The Precipice…but I don’t remember reading past ch. 52…

“How can you be so sure?” I thought it was something like “Because that’s what I would do.” Turns out I was right…maybe I have read chapter 53??? Or is this a previous chapter that’s been movd forward???

Hmm…come to think of it, why is Akutagawa’s power to control fabric anyway? (Because he can control other things, it’s just that he chooses to use his coat as a default.) Does the Rashomon story have to do with that…?

Oh, that’s cute. Shin Soukoku are on the same thinking wavelength now. (somewhat sarcastic)

Come to think of it – season 1 anime!Atsushi was about as whiny as Zenitsu…hmm. Now there’s a cross-anime comparison I never thought I’d make.

“…what appears to be a hiker…” (or maybe it was multiple hikers…?)

Did you notice Akutagawa was missing his coat?

“Fancy hat boy” – That’s why the fandom calls Chuuya “Mr Fancy Hat”, LOL.

One thing’s for sure – whether you like BSD or not, you gotta admit they have a great sense of closure.

Shield Hero 25 (FINAL)

See? There is a Meteor move for Naofumi!

Raphtalia’s mostly been saying nothing but “Naofumi-sama” over and over again…it kind of irks me. It’s too bad I’m almost finished with this show.

I’m gussing the reward has to do with Raphtalia’s village.

Is Naofumi leaving???

LOL, before Naofumi faced the Waves, he was wavering…geddit??? (Oh, that joke’s terrible…)

Fruits Basket 12

I think Shigure attended the ceremony to procrastinate on his writing…LOL.

Okay…I started this episode a few days back and now I hav a bowl of piping hot pho to go with it! Let’s get back to business!

Momiji is a scheming little brat, ain’t he?

The “Yuki wearing a girls’ uniform” was funny…because reactions.

Hmm…even though I know what’s going to happen, I only just realised Akito and Yuki only seem to wear traditional Japanese dress when tied down to their curse or their main house. Westrn cloths thereby symbolise progress for them…but you can’t say the same for Shigure, though, so there goes that hypothesis…

I thought for a second they were going to play baseball…that’s what they did in Star Driver.

Fruits Basket 13

Snake attack!!!

Hmm…Ayame clearly used a convo diversionary tactic there (avoiding the topic).

“Aya says he sells men’s dreams.” – LOL.

Demon Slayer 13

I find it interesting Tanjiro also has respect for his opponent, not just empathy.

Aww…this message of recognising your skills and having them be recognised by others is cute. I needd that, really – ever since about a year ago, sometimes I’m so negative I just want to be erased from the face of the earth. That’s why I love Rokuhoudou so much – it was my solace from such thoughts.

Seeing the eyecatch’s strip go vertical for Zenitsu was interesting – I didn’t think it would change orientation midway through the show.

Okay, in this book I read recently – Symptoms of Being Human by Jeff Garvin – the protagonist admits to having “an overdeveloped sense of theatricality”…or dramaticism or something like that. I now realised Zenitsu has that too…although now he’s back to bugging me as a result.

Oh! So Inosuke was the 5th survivor! I had a feeling that would be the answer, but now I’ve confirmed it.

WHOA! I’ve never seen Tanjiro go all Papa Bear like this!

…and you can tell with that pre-OP shot that Ufotable ran out of budget for once.

The Legend of the Eight Samurai is also known as…wait for it…Hakkenden! There’s an anime called that, y’know? Update: It’s Satomi Nansou Hakkenden vs Hakkenden (with some subtitle on it).

To the Abandoned Sacred Beasts 1

First anime of summer! Now if only my CR would stop buffering so much…I’d be a happy person.

Oh…great. Fantasy information dump right here…just like Fairy Gone.

Is this weird that I recognise Patria to be…Korea? (At least in history. Its people seem to be generic Europeans.)

Is this a “dudes in war are scarred for life” thing again??? Please, please don’t let this be another Spec-Ops Asuka.

…and now here come the furries. (sarcastic)

Aren’t the white coats really impractical for battle???

If Cain isn’t a vampire or based on a bat…I dunno what I’d do, but I’m pretty sure he is, based on those pretty boy features.

I thought her name was Nancy…? Her name is Nancy Schaal Bancroft, after all.

Ooh! It’s the Abominable Walrus! I’m so scared~! (mocking tone)

This is basically an AI story, but fantasy-based, isn’t it…?

90s fire in the background…LOL.

“I’m going to ask Elaine to be with me.” – Now there’s something I didn’t think Hank would say.

LOL, Cain Madhouse really is mad! (in the Joker-style “insane” sort of way)

Well…uh, it was a bit predictable, but had its perks. I mean, there’s no CGI in it at all for one thing…I guess we wait for more (of this show and the debut of other shows) to see if it stays.

OPM S2 Ep 12 (Ep 24) (FINAL)

Shouldn’t that be “whale on an opponent”…?

What’s up with the montage, though???

*dead Centichoro* - Now that’s what I call “legs for miles”…! (LOL)

Astra 1

I’ve read some of the manga for this, so it’s my most anticipated anime this season! I can only hope it lives up to its own hype.

Double-length 1st episode! Ooh! Just like the manga’s double-length debut.

Okay, who decided on using CGI for Aries? Put it on the ship, not on her!

Oh, foreshadowing! Me likey.

I can’t really tell what Aries is meant to be screaming because she’s screaming over the woman, but it’s definitely not “beef” Aries is yelling.

Is it just me, or is there a frame around this scene at the Spaceport…?

I guess Aries is what they call a space case! (Wahaha!...Okay, I think that’s one stupid joke too many, now.)

Boob shot??? Why??? Also, according to the manga’s supplemental material found between chapters, Yun-Hua’s suit is newer than Aries’s (IIRC).

I definitely do not remember seeing a picture of Kanata’s sensei in the manga at all. I know Kanata refers to his sensei quite a bit, but…hmm…maybe the fact he looks like Charce means something. Update: For some reason, I remembered Charce as “Charles”…?

This scenery, with the ground making platforms in the air, looks like Dr Stone!!!

I just noticed the frame expanded after Kanata entered the sphere.

Did we need the flashback again???

Zetsubou is “despair”, at least from the way I learnt it – from Sayonara, Zetsubou-sensei, of course. It can be translated as “hopeless” in context, though.

Second recap from earlier in the episode. Well, at least it’s not Detective Conan or Demon Slayer bad…

Wow, they’re really trying to sell a potential Kanata x Aries ship here. That wasn’t in the manga either.

This is the 3rd time for the same recap…geesh. The things you notice when the episodes are compiled and online for you to watch…they can get kind of annoying.

I think the star = planet thing makes more sense when in Japanese, since “hoshi” can mean both. In English, it makes Aries sound like more of a space case…

Maou-sama, Retry! 1

…and the award for Most Boring Opening in a While goes to…this show!

I almost expected blonde!Rem to be called Rem…I knew that her name wasn’t Rem, but still…

Seriously? The face game of this show should be higher for it to pull off a gag involving funny faces…

The run cycle of this show’s…kinda suckish. Like Dororo’s one scene where he’s Naruto running.

“It’s you who is the root of all evil.”

UchiMusume 1

Aka “If It’s For My Daughter, I’d Even Defeat a Demon Lord”.

The language on the title card seems to be a substitute for English. If you just take that thing that looks like brackets as one symbol, that seems to be a Y. How can you tell? Because “little” matches the 3rd last word.

The devil language seems to be based on Japanese, though…at least from what I’m picking up. Update: Oh! So when she says “toilet”, it’s just the syllables backwards! Just like in Hataraku Maou-sama.

I swear, if this guy isn’t voiced by Yoshitsugu Matsuoka, I’m going to have to swallow my hydralyte drink properly! (I’ve been struggling to drink it all day today.) Update: Nope, it’s Nobuhiko Okamoto.

I thought I just read something on the devil list that said “Bobble Space” in English…wuh?

Dr Stone 1

This is my 2nd most anticipated debut of the summer 2019 season. Let’s go!

Ooh, I see Crunchyroll even got themselves a fancy new intro card…which makes them more like what Funimation used to be on that front…

I know people have been comparing Senku’s hair to green onions…and now I can’t unsee it. Dang it, you guys! That’s the first real thought I’m having for this anime?!

*raises arms like Christ the Redeemer*…and Boichi and Riichiro Inagaki said, “Let there be light!”…and for some reason, it was green light…

Hmm…I thought in the manga Yuzuriha was shoved to the tree, which made Taiju look more like a hero to her. Turns out she ran to the tree then got petrified, if the anime is anything to go by.

I heard a really accurate “what’s happening?” in the scene which is meant to have English speakers in it…it’s almost creepy, to be honest with you.

Shuei…LOL. It’s clearly a play on Shueisha.

I didn’t think of this when reading the manga, but this anime’s very much a Holmes and Watson scenario…although Watson here is a little bit too dumb for some people’s liking…

I swear TMS used pictures of the real thing when looking at those grapes…

I love seeing Senku being pissed off. He’s so smug all the time, I needed that change of pace.

Maybe one day Senku will make vodka…LOL. I’m kidding.

Fire Force 1

Oh geesh…so Ohkubo grabbed the Aria from Ao no Exorcist to make his nuns work???

Why is there Naruto running???

“I’m a newly-assigned…”

Kyoukai means church. Does it really mean “cathedral” as well???

“Is that the scent of a damp woman?” – Uh, duuuuuuuude? Excuse-moi? That is not how you treat a lady you’ve just met…!

Can I insert a “Twinkletoes” comment from Toph (Avatar) yet…?

Okay, scrap that. Can I do that Overwatch “Molten CORE!” thing instead…?

Granbelm 1

I started watching this because it’s being promoted as “magical girls drive mechs”.

One of the mech ladies reminds me of…what’s her name…from the Re:Zero LNs…I believe her name is Beatrice, but that’s the name of one of the library loli, isn’t it…? *Googles* Okay, her name is Priscilla. AFAIK, “Priscilla” is NOT the name of the orange-haired lady in Granbelm, though… Update: Her name is Anna, actually.

These mechs remind me of Kim from Twinkle Star Sprites.

Wow…ripoff purple iPhone, much…?

Shingetsu = new moon, mangetsu = full moon.

I feel like Mangetsu is a relatable protagonist, but also annoying as a result of being relatable.

“Pennies from heaven” is a phrase you say to declare your good fortune, much like you say “speak of the devil” for bad luck when it comes to a certain person who arrives at the wrong time.

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