#now that's what i call a big book! ;)
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Too tired for words
Waaagh sniffs sobs hhh.... cries sniffles sniff... wahh... starts rolling on the floor crying...... wahgh
#i genuinely bettered how i draw optimus ! i understood his face better#i changed the eyes' position and shape and git how his eyebrows work and how his face is shaped#i almost sobbed at the. the jaw or what is it called#the cheek shape? what the fuck it's so sad#his big brows made me sigh loudly like ah ahh 😞#but the most important thing was the little thingies at the eye bottom#i would call it eyeliner but it's disrespectful#it's tear streams. Engraved into his eyes sharp#AND RATCHET#i haven't drawn his eyes open once#because there's just something that i can't reach right now.#there's just something about his optica that i cannot grab right now#the art of prime book stated that his eyes were made to be softer than everything else#like he may seem blocky but the eyes!! they tell you he's soft#i need to study them#because if i do not do this#i will never understand what's here and what I can't understand about them#the big eyebrows#and the soft eyes underneath that i right now do not understand how to make soft#also they were supposed to have earphones but i couldn't figure it out#transformers#tfp fanart#margosher arting art#tfp#transformers fanart#optiratch#tfp optimus#tfp ratchet#ratchet tfp#optimus tfp
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shoutout to Nicasia for being the only one who figured out Jude was the mastermind behind the coup. Orlagh, Madoc, and Balekin, the Big Brained Centuries Old Antagonists, as well as the rest of Elfhame, all convinced her she was wrong so she gave up on trying to prove it after a while but the way she made Jude sweat was soooo girlbosses supporting girlbosses
#k calling balekin big brained is a stretch but he is supposed to know more about the entire thing than NICASIA#everyone else was like ''oh poor little jude tangled in a situation she isn't capable of handling all because she was useful that one time'#while nicasia was foaming at the mouth screaming ''NO YOU DON'T GET IT IT WAS HER IT WASN'T CARDAN SHE DID SOMETHING TO FORCE HIM INTO IT''#man i love twk. by far the best of the trilogy. what a cool book#tfota liveblog#now i could keep going and monologue about how repeatedly across books cardan and nicasia know each other so well and know how each is gonn#act or react in a situation and how the reason she was the only one who knew the truth was because she was the only one who got to see his#vulnerabilities and wishes but i'm not gonna do that bc it's 2 am <3<3<3<3<3
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Was Celia drunk as fuck or is this something supernatural?? 👀
Who the fuck is Jack?? 👀
Alice is such a delight, I love her!
Oof so one or both of them have trauma involving grandparents then.
I love Samama & Alice so much. 💜 They have a great dynamic!
Oh shit, right, Gwen is probably still getting over Mr. Bonzo too. 👀
"I just… I dunno. When I left the coffee shop, it felt like someone was following me."
Please don't take away Alice, she's one of my faves! I hope this post doesn't age poorly. Watch me have to quote this post very soon.
OH NO, is it that [ERROR] following her??? 😰
"Don’t joke about that, mate. I was dreaming about it all day." Okay, yeah, that's a creature.
Sam & Alice are both about to run into a creature... 👀
"Classifying unspeakable horrors all night for no discernible reason?" @/entities-of-posts & @/which-entity-this-post-serves is that you? :]
Hmm, now why is this episode called "marked?" I assumed Mr. Bonzo was gonna find his mark, but maybe Alice is marked by an entity/creature that was locked in the Magnus Institute?
"giving up the ghost" okay so someone saw an apparition? Honestly not sure what entity this episode is about so far.
It's giving The Corruption ✨🧟♀️⚰️ (maybe The Buried)
"It’s just that one of the graves had a body in that was too well-preserved for the age it should have been." 👀👀👀
This thing is about to jump out of the grave & run off, isn't it? 🏃♂️
"The back was completely covered in this complicated tattoo of a ship sailing across an open sea towards an open horizon." Peter Lukas?!?!?
Oh 100% The Buried, without a shadow of a doubt.
Lots of tattoo & carvings in walls imagery in this sequel prequel sidequel, isn't there? 👀
Hey wait, that's Ink5oul from episode 2, isn't it? 👀 Ink5oul definitely feels like a conduit or vessel for The Flesh or some other kind of entity.
Okay, there's something weird going on with this place, the salt water & waves near this cemetery are kind of seemingly enticing them to come drown in it's waters. In the very least it's messing with these guys' mental states! Pretty freakkyyyy! 👀🌊
Also the repeated emphasis on dreams is interesting this episode, wonder if that'll play a part in something later on. 👀👀
"If it’s any consolation, he’s with the sea now. The deep will care for his bones." I literally called it!!
I think Gordon Alan Johnson also wants to be with David. 👀🌊🌊
I think Gordon Alan Johnson also wants to be with David. 👀🌊🌊
I don't know, Gordie, I think you did it! Unless Ink5oul is collecting tattoos like an alternate universe version of the Leitner books. Wait yeah, what if the tattoos are like conduits for the entities of this world or even the original one? 🖌
Another way to look at this is asking... Is The Deep a new entity/fear or is it a servant of a fear like The Vast? I stg there was a colossal water monster at some point in The Magnus Archives!
Okay so yeah, there's already a precedent for this. Also feels like The Lonely, The Buried, The Corruption, The Vast, & maybe even The Flesh are all involved in this one though I don't know if Flesh (Ink5oul) is working with or against the other fears at this time.
Gwen, you can tell your coworkers what's wrong, oh my fucking god. Please. Celia, you have me so invested in whatever is going on with you.
Weird unexplained noise at 17:44 too as Celia enters the office. Wonder what that's all about, maybe it'll come up later on.
"He is one of our Externals." Okay; so, there's more of them & they have their own secret hitman title too!
Mr. Bonzo when he was on TV
"And they usually like it." I bet fear creatures do like it when you scream. That makes a lot of sense actually.
Also what's that weird "boowomp" noise as they're talking or is it just the OST? 👀
Is Gwen going to be turned into something not quite human at some point? Just throwing darts at a board with that speculation, but wouldn't that be wild?
Okay; so, these little digitized noises are absolutely important!
I wonder how many times & when people have lied so far throughout this season. 👁️👁️
#someone should draw those two ( sam & alice ) in the style of that show at this rate. I have more questions every week i stg#is mr. bonzo gonna find his mark or is Alice dyer marked by [ERROR] place your bets!#okay so themes of coffins; decay; & rotting things; feels like the corruption or maybe even the buried#I stg if that weirdly aged guy is Peter Lukas somehow I'm gonna scream; it's an AU; anything can happen#Love seeing Ink5oul again; it's cool that they aren't just a one off character & are getting involved in the greater story#leitner tattoos canon??? maybe?? is this the equivalent of jurgen leitner books?? perhaps#the big water monster is giving The Vast energy; a lot of these feel like fear entities collaborating in this world#now I'm curious who the other externals are... is ink5oul one of them? They seemed to delight in reactions.#is this government organization called the magnus institute or what do they call themselves now? also who is mr bonzo after?#I wonder if the black ops guys that showed up to that charity place on hilltop were a counter organization or the government?#mine#op#tmagp liveblog#tmagp 11#tmagp spoilers#tma spoilers#tma#tmagp#the magnus archives#the magnus protocol
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#Seeing the dune part 2 american centric red carpet and as a devoted aficionado of the books and yk a moroccan person here are my 2 cents#Dune was one of the few Western works inspired by MENA culture that that felt genuine and respectful#But ofc despite the profound symbiosis with Middle Eastern and North African culture evident within the pages of the novels#the movie adaptation lack of substantive representation from these communities both in on-screen portrayals and within production roles was#very much disappointing in part 1 and i doubt there are any change now#While drawing inspiration from the Amazigh peoples of Algeria and Morocco#the film barely skims the surface of its MENA influences leaving substantial potential untapped#Herbert openly acknowledged the profound impact of Islam and MENA culture on his noveIs#from the metaphorical representation of Spice as oil#to the allegorical parallels drawn between the occupation of Arrakis and real-world MENA geopolitics#By marginalizing Arabs from the narrative fabric of Dune the essence of the story is being undermined particularly its anti-colonial core#the irony of this is kiIIing me because this was a direct resuIt of us impérialism on the middIe east#But the reality is that Dune is an American production tailored for an American audience so it makes sense for it to be what it is now#a big production running from its original essence#What adds to my disappointment is the fact that I liked Villeneuve's adaptation of Incendies and I had what you call foolish hope hfhg#Dune feIt Iike a squandered opportunity to authentically depict the cultural milieu that inspired it#Given the narrative's inherent anti-colonial themes#the omission of Arab and North African voices dilute its message if any of it is even left#without representation from Arabs and Amazigh people the cultural essence becomes another appropriated resource watered down to an aestheti#rather than serving as a critique of the destructive actions of colonialists seeking power and dominance#the narrative becomes susceptible to distortion and co-option by the very entities it was intended to condemn and hold accountable
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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tagged by ko @tofumilanesa for wip wednesday! big shout out to writevember for making me feel like i can actually call any of these works in progress… your guide to my emoji code under the cut
wip!
🪻🐈⬛ - the doc title is still just. YOWLING but i am like 7/8 of the way done with omega yamo fic and hopefully salem isn’t reading this so i can just drop it over a year later with no warning <3
🫃2️⃣ - DEWEY^2 P2!!!! she is almost done (i am lying) but she is so close i can almost taste it. sorry to my pwp that grew its own feelings baby
😇🤭 (🕒 -> 🕜) - rip i’m not telling you about this one until it’s posted but it IS complete aside from being ao3 formatted and the eight billion edits i inevitably do right before full-sending it
☁️💧 - cloud petey fic, which exists mostly as an embarrassingly large tag on a different blog and is condensing into a narrative about as well as water at 30° N/S. the time loop fic also falls under this description
eternally in progress (short list)
🌑🐕 - tyler borzoituzzi exists… there is an index of scenes/plot points… it plays like a movie in my head…
💯❕- fantastic! ‘verse
👁️👻 - stevie brandon seeing ghosts au, which has eight different (now nine i guess but you haven't seen the mustache adam post yet) plots. sorry
just. rotating like a microwave
🍎 - because they didn’t have a pomegranate emoji, this is what i used for the fic that feels like it should be a 50k connor bedard character study hanif abdurraqib/cathal kelly thesis about legends and mythmaking in sports and eating your young. yes i know pomegranates aren’t actually pomes and apples are but it’s fine
🦈 - the one cat da fuck they doing over there meme but about the sharks just like. in general. more on this at five
tagging @colap1nto, @songsandswords, @whitenikes, @gordiemeow, @acheronist, and anybody else who wants to share!!
#i regret to inform the public (beloved mutuals who read my tags) that we have hit the doldrums re: creativity.#got SO excited because i had no prep for tomorrow and got out unreasonably early and proceeded to do nothing 🤩 zero motivation/inspiration#anyway. being a big baby. have looked at dewey^2 for too long and now hate it which makes me sad because i was on SUCH a roll solving plot#and really i just need to pick something else from my (looks at smudged hand) 10000 other documents but none of them are calling my nameeee#maybe i’ll ao3 format 🕒 -> 🕜 or maybe i’ll read wandering stars (did finish a book this morning) and then hope something strikes me#preferably very aggressively like with the force of a train? OHHHHHH YOU GUYS MAYBE I COULD MAKE SOMETHING FOR HOLY JUMPING MACKEREL FEST#because you know what DID hit me upside the head like a 2x world champ coming from behind with the steel chair WAS BERGY & JOE GUESS WHO#joey first of all did not deserve to lose those games and second of all i am SO immensely delighted i don’t know if it’s on here yet i am#so sure at least one of my beloved drw moots (beth and nik are likely culprits but all of u would) has it on here yet BUT THERE’S SO MUCH#BERGY VERY BLATANTLY CALLING JOE A NERD BC HE KNOWS ALL ABT HIS TEAMMATES &LOVES THEM!! BERGY NOT KNOWING A SINGLE FUCKIN THING ABT ANYONE!#the absolute unsurprised yet still heartbroken disbelief & disappointment of joe saying ‘he uses black tape!’ oh that’s rent-free forever#anyway.#liv in the replies#p.s. it's fic friday now don't worry about how late i am#as always ask away ask about anything in post tags y'all know i love to yap u are always welcome in the inbox or dms#i was trying to be slightly less mysterious about all of these but i am a secret-keeper sorry and also you need to live inside my brain#in order to understand half of what i'm referencing sometimes. sorry.#also there are some un-hockey fic projects i want to do but i have. so little time in my life for anything sometimes that we will make do
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Rehab was pretty hit or miss - I met some great people, but the program was very 12 Steps oriented, and I'm more convinced than ever that the 12 Steps is a cult that leads its members to an early death. On the other hand, changing my medication totally killed my desire to drink as did the conviction that I do not want anything to do with the world of recovery
#for some people recovery is their whole life#everyone there had been to every single rehab in the area and even to that one multiple times#and they keep relapsing worse and worse every time and then the program blames and shames them and tells them they're just doing it wrong#and eventually they die. every day they'd tell us one or more former clients just died#groups were too often full of scientific misinformation and led by people who don't know what they're talking about#and I didn't realize this but the format of a 12 step meeting is you say a bunch of prayers someone shares their story there's comment time#and then more prayers#and while I enjoy hearing the stories it's like this could have been a reddit post#but I watched The Big Lebowski for the first time and I read a really good French book called The Elegance of the Hedgehog#I might try a Refuge Recovery meeting. that's a Buddhist program that I think is similar to Dharma Recovery#also I got re-addicted to cigarettes bc smoking is the primary social activity in any rehab. so now I have to quit again#also I think Jeff Bridges looks like Arthur Morgan
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on a note to all: my plotting style is something i like to call i have adhd and if i see you on the dash and have an idea chances are i’ll im you about it. i’m an anxious little dude who isn’t always active in a broad scope, and it’s always been my nature to reach out to people. that doesn’t make me even remotely anxious. not even remotely expected to answer me — i totally get it, sometimes you don’t feel the vibe — but a general psa about how i work. i come from the dinosaur era where the only way to communicate with one another on any level was to directly talk to them and frankly i don’t even know how else you’re ever supposed to plot with a person otherwise. like… how do you write if you never talk????
#CLAWS RETRACTED.#[honest to god this isn’t shade at anyone im literally just trying to explain i am never on the dash and when i am i take handfuls of rando#snapshots to send to whoever’s in my scope at that second. which is i know ridiculous but when you’re me and you’re mobile 100% of the time#because the other 75% you’re doing everything for everyone in your life it becomes exceedingly hard to WANT to stare at a laptop screen.#even if im home im 100% mobile most of the time. basically what im saying is: as an rper i will totally drop into your im’s randomly if#something strikes my fancy. if that’s not your bag i totally get it. the plotting call life has never been mine to own. a lot of the time#it’ll be a person likes it and then you reach out and it turns into ‘haha neither of us have an idea’ which then kills the whole thing.#hence why -i- tend to approach especially if you reblog something or wishlist it and it crosses my path. like. im so happy to try almost an#anything someone wants to give a shot so long as you feel like playing ping pong with me about it. I’ve always been an exceedingly social#person because i just… love people. and for a person literally exploding with anxiety… I don’t do anxiety about talking to people. I USED#to long ago until I LITERALLY forced myself to just… not give a fuck. but honestly? do it scared and now it’s just fucking do it. I#apologize in advance if I can be a pain in the ass and if it’s not your dig I comprehend an unfollow. im a very involved and interested#writer and frankly it’s how I keep myself able to enjoy this hobby by not making it too serious. like. sometimes I read someone’s rules and#im like Jesus Christ I would love to remember all of this but my brain only has so much ram. idk when the big invisible book of online#etiquette was written but I must have been sleeping in class for that one.]
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cannot believe that in 2007 the eighth doctor adventures writers just decided to put toxic yuri in their show. they did that for me
#not me going insane over 2 minor recurring villains#but literally what the fuck is going on with the headhunter and karen#what if an amoral assassin and a normal office worker decided to become partners on a whim & now they time travel and commit crimes together#like what?????#the headhunter could not give less of a shit about other people and doesn't think karen is useful at all and yet just keeps her around#and karen's like yeah she hates my guts and also she makes me kill people. it's a laugh though can't complain#and i'm just meant to be normal about that?????? huh???????#also the way they both just flirt with lucie every time they see her is so funny#karen's like hey babe!!!! how are you!!!! do you want to join us!!!! while holding a knife to lucie's neck shdjshs#while the headhunter's like ah lucie miller the thorn in my side [saves her life] this means nothing [saves her life] you disgust me [saves-#doctor who#big finish#i've finished s3!!!! whoop!!!!#my thoughts are why does lucie miller keep getting turned evil and can it keep happening bc it's hot. who said that#my only issue with this format is that it's very adventure based. which yeah it's called the 8th doctor adventures#but i wish there was more breathing room for lucie. the doctor keeps being all sad (fair his life is awful) but lucie's going Through It#and never gets a chance to really process anything#also the retroactive continuity errors make me laugh#'i'm 900 years old' no the fuck you're not! you still have the time war yet buddy!#i like to think they're just signs of 8's swiss cheese memory#i hope there's books set in this era. i'm sure nobody will be able to tell me bc they gave up 20 tags ago agdkhsjshsjs
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I keep telling myself im gonna stop talking politically with people and then i do anyways 😭😭 cant bloody help myself 💀
#in my defense is because someone was calling me a hp fan. because tbh. it was a big part of my personality but i of course just.#detest it and anything to do with it now because of jk r*wling#but yeah the way i was called it and then when i tried to explain that i hate her because ahes racist - islamophobic - a zi*nist - trans#phobic etc etc and then suddenly its like 'oh ill need to find my own proof#LIKE HOW ARE YOU CALLING ME A SUPER FAN AND THEN NOT TRUSTING MY KNOWLDEGE ON SOMETHING THAT I DO IN FACT KNOW A LOT ABOUT AND ACTIVELY KEEP#UP WITH. im gonna scream and never stop. i actually am so exhausted of constantly being told im wrong or just flat out ignored when im right#and then its like 'twitter isnt a credible source' WHAT DO YOU FUCKING MEAN#LIKE ARE YOU LISTENING TO YOURSELF TALK#yes random accounts saying any old thing isnt reliable BUT THE ACTUAL TWITTER ACCOUNT OF THE PERSON SAYING THE STUFF#omfg i actually just. i hate it here. i want to never speak to anothwr person ever again.#le text post#anyways. main point is i do not wanna be associated with hp or jk r*wling at all anymore. and hopefully people will fucking do that#sorry not to go on but the other point of 'oh but the books are still good it doesnt change that' FROM PEOPLE THAT HAVE NEVER READ THEM AAA
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reading the first edition of whipping girl (2007) and getting to the last ch where serano talks abt her current observations on queer activism and then makes predictions abt what the future might look like
well she certainly was right wasn't she!!!
#just. the overall observation of inward vs outward political turns....#v much feel as though much of current queer activism + rhetoric gets tangled up + bogged down w like#this obsession w defining + categorizing + policing the nebulous + inherently individual experience of identity#rather than like. actually focusing on the material conditions that should be uniting us#uggggggghhhhhghggghhh#book recs#also a big part of what she's criticizing + fearful of seeing an increase of in this section is specifically. transmisogyny#which um. yeah! she called it!#also. making me think abt the seeming rise i have noticed re:online lesbian discourse abt masculine dykes#in particular. the widely accepted trend of shitting on masculine lesbians online from within queer/sapphic spaces#serano talks abt how she's noticing this trend of ppl shitting on gender in queer spaces when they perceive that gender as 'conservative'#and i think that idea that masc lesbians somehow have a 'conservative'/'unsubversive' gender is often the excuse given for what is#otherwise just run-of-the-mill lesbophobia#so!!!!!! yeah. anyway i'll stop writing an essay in the notes now
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and if i said.... pet.er peve.nsie.....
#i have never read the books but ive just watched the first 2 narnia movies#it was def my first time seeing prince caspian idk ab the other narnia i probs watched it as a kid#but he..... he is calling me#mr doomed blonde twink who makes poor choices but is doing his best....... welcome back all my muses#i was gonna say welcome back kurt but... tate... levi.... probably more#ive never been. Good at writing fantasy im not great w anything that requires lore#hes just. oh hes calling to me#and the. specifically the pains of living a life in narnia and being king and then having to go back to the real world and be Just A Kid#idk if hes in the third movie im ab to watch it now but the bitter sweet end of 2 where he says hes leaving narnia and he wont be coming ba#and aslan says its bc he has nothing more to learn from it like..... kinda heartbreaking and would destroy u as a person#a world where ur king and u do everything u can to make the right choices but u dont do things really right and u get people killed#and yeah narnia prevails but it doesnt prevail bc of u. its in part bc of u but ur decision cost lives it risked a lot#and then its like. well ur leaving now and thats it bc it taught u what u needed to learn#and like maybe it did but he had no chance at redemption at fixing things there like his redemption was to leave it to someone more capable#and then he has to just like. go be a person. and live a normal life#like thats wild#im gonna go watch the third movie if u have read the books sound off on if u think i should based entirely on my little rant ab peter#the issue here tho. is if i made him. u see. two muses named peter on this blog... both with a last name starting w p.... its almost like.#its almost like one would have to be a solo blog#'but quin ur literally never here anyway' but what if for a hyperfixation muse i was here#this post started w the intent of 'narnia peter solo blog' but now... i am thinking perhaps spider peter would be a better solo bc of his.#bc of the fixation i have#however he intimidates me a Lot as a solo blog bc hes such a. everyone knows him u know hes a Big muse and i fear the pressure of that#then again narnia i think is big too? and theres the talks of the new movies so thats also potentially big muse#its crazy bc i have sososo much muse for every muse i have but my brain is saying abandon this blog and make both peters solos#and i Cant do that#but at the same time................................#my issue has always been too many blogs and being stretched too thin but also. w all due respect. who cares#like i am here to have fun and most of the time my blogs dont last bc no one writes w me not bc i dont want those muses#and yeah theres no guarantee making a new blog would change that but idk. kinda vibe w the idea of starting new
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morality in the world of good omens
so i wrote another (admittedly very messy) essay on good omens not long ago right after watching season 2 but after finishing that, rewatching all of both seasons multiple times, and reading through the book, i have a couple more distinct ideas to get out...somewhere...if only for my own sanity. this is me throwing my thoughts into the internet before i pop, if you will. just 3 sections, below the cut.
1. environment, characters, & transformative fandom creations
to start this post off a bit more broadly, i've been thinking a lot recently about transformative fandom and the reasons why we write fanfiction/create semi-original works in the first place, as well as why certain aspects of fandom (writing, art, analysis, etc.) will be more appealing to me for certain shows/series than others. correct me if you have a totally different view of this, but in my experience i've found that i tend to naturally gravitate towards different parts of fandom depending on what the original medium of the story was- podcasts tend to lead to some of the most interesting art trends, for example, since there's more room for interpretation and character design tends to be more of an ongoing community project than something set in stone like for a tv show with live human actors.
in my own observation, i've noticed that a lot of the really big & excitable fandoms, the ones that generate tons & tons of fanworks more naturally (a.k.a. just because of the story itself & not other factors like a pre-existing franchise or hype about new great gay representation, etc.) tend to surround stories that fall into a kind of "sweet spot" that makes the creation of fanworks really appealing. if you've ever wondered why there are so many ravenous artists bending over backwards to draw gorgeous fanart for stuff like homestuck or south park or even minecraft youtubers, it's likely because those stories all fall into a sweet spot for drawing, with character designs that are recognizable at a glance and yet still simple enough that there is plenty of room for personal creative touches. (think also, if you're familiar with such kinds of homestuck terms: hyperflexible mythologies, A4:1524, and/or this archive link cause the official thing is down now for some reason)
the conclusion i've come to is thus that even something as basic as the original medium of a story can dictate a lot about what kinds of fan activities are more common or popular within said story's fandom.
so, back to good omens- for me, this all relates back because of a question i've been messing with in my head recently, about why i've been less interested in fanfiction for good omens than i have been for the last few fandoms i've been, almost all of which have basically broken my ao3 bookmarks.
this question has been fucking with me for a while now, largely because i'm not entirely sure what's motivating it. a lot of times i can figure out pretty easily why i might personally not be interested in some parts of fandom, but that's not really the case here. from what i've seen this fandom seems to be pretty mixed in terms of age, & the writing that i have read is certainly no worse than i've seen elsewhere, perhaps even better in some places- and yet, i can't seem to get entirely into it, even getting frustrated as i can't find something to my tastes for an ao3 bedtime story as i've grown so accustomed. what caught me off guard is that this was an issue that i ran into while watching season 1 as well, back when the series was still quite popular but not blowing up like it is right now.
a lot of this may seem like (and likely is, at least in part) basic overthinking, but i mentioned it all here because the answer i eventually came to is reminiscent of my previous reflections above on the nature of fandom & how/why fanworks are created.
a couple paragraphs above, i used the example of art as an example of how fandoms that generate a lot of original artwork will often do the most when the original story falls into a sweet spot of character design, but notably i think that this sentiment applies to a lot more than just art. if you've ever seen the copious amounts of kpop & hockey rpf fanfiction that lives on ao3, it should be clear that this applies to writing too.
i wrote this essay a while back responding to an observation about the lack of a more extensive symbolic language in fanfiction & i've toyed around with the idea more since, particularly in considering the question of why a lot of what we see as the staples of fanfiction exist in the first place. in that post, my response largely revolved around an argument of why we create fanfiction- namely, that fanfiction is created as in tandem with deeper analysis of the original story/series, as a way of trying to practically apply character analysis to a new context.
the key part of that last sentence to me is how a lot of this revolves around character analysis (and shipping, but really it's the characters that motivate the shipping in most cases so. same difference).
i tend to instinctively separate fanfiction into two separate categories: fanfiction that is based out of the original world/canon of the story (including but not limited to fix-its, deeper analysis fics that take a scene & extrapolate from it, continuations, etc.) and fanfiction that takes the characters from the original story & plops them in an alternate universe/AU. while i separate these out as two distinct categories of fanfiction, i should also clarify that i don't think these two groups are necessarily equal in terms of number of fics- rather, the vast majority of fanfiction tends to be AUs, keeping the original characters & changing any & all aspects of the world around them. again, this may vary depending on the story & Vibe of the fandom at the time, stories like game of thrones or harry potter or homestuck might have a lot more in the canon category by nature of any major dissatisfactions the fandom has with how the original story was told, but in most cases AUs are more popular. this was a lot of the basis behind my argument that fanfiction is created as character analysis in fact, since the characters are the most important part that carries over from original story to fanwork, as well as can end up being one of the most debated/scorned parts when it comes to fandom drift (i.e. "that's out of character"/"he wouldn't do that"/and all other such arguments about fanon vs. canon characterization).
basically, my conclusion in this case was that i was a lot less interested in gomens fic largely because i have a really hard time separating the characters from the world in the case of this particular story. aziraphale & crowley being an angel & a demon and dealing with all of the bullshit of their world when it comes to heaven & hell are such integral parts of their characters in my mind that i have a much harder time getting behind AU fanfiction that plops them in a totally different context. it's just a much harder sell for keeping the characters in character for me. (i also tend to not like s2 fix-its just cause, idk they're just not my style, which is where a lot of the recent blast of energy has led us.) to clarify, this is not a judgement, just a matter of personal preference and a reflection of why, even if a lot of fandoms will look the same from the outside/involve the same things like art, fic, etc., an individual's mileage can vary wildly when it comes to how they interact with different things online.
*additional note, also for clarification: i do want to acknowledge that a lot of this depends on pure popularity as well, popular fandoms will often end up with basically everything in terms of fanworks just by nature of how many people are interacting with & thinking deeply about the story. my point here is more along the lines of the fact that even within the more well-populated fandoms, certain types of fanwork will often Stick Out more to me than others, or even be visibly much more common than in other fandoms, due largely to the original medium/structure of how the story.
so, speaking of aziraphale & crowley in more depth now- why does the world of good omens feel like such an integral part of their personalities when it comes to characterization? up next, let's talk about morality within the context of good omens' perhaps surprisingly secular take on heaven & hell.
2. the amorality of heaven & hell (ft. the crowley quote apples you know the one)
(warning in advance that this section may be a bit limited since i'm not going to get super far (or very far at all, really) into the whole religious-analysis aspect of good omens.)
i've been binge-reading the original pterry & gaiman book for good omens over the last few days and it's been very fun seeing all the slight changes between the tv show & the original. you can really see the hand of the original creators in how the tv show was translated, even just by looking at which parts made it and which parts were deemed worth cutting out. i suppose having one of the original creators right there helping build everything really helps make a book -> show translation work, since the ASOUE tv series was also pretty well received- something about knowing what's the core of the series & truly important to keep in, and having more time to tell the story itself?
anyways, i have a short list of notes that i've been taking as i read, conversations that stand out to me or footnotes that particularly amused me, but i keep coming back to one line that stood out to me quite early on. in context, this line comes from crowley during the conversation where he is first attempting to fully convince aziraphale about stopping armageddon, specifically when they're talking about exerting equal forces on warlock to make him normal:
"You're saying the child isn't evil of itself?" [Aziraphale] said slowly. "Potentially evil. Potentially good, too, I suppose. Just this huge powerful potentiality, waiting to be shaped," said Crowley. He shrugged. "Anyway, why're we talking about this good and evil? They're just names for sides. We know that."
(pg. 67)
"They're just names for sides." if i had to pick one line to sum up the view on religious morality of this series, this would likely be it.
on the one hand, i tend to interpret a lot gomens' take on heaven & hell within the context of its political stance, something that is particularly obvious through a line from gabriel in s2e2 where he tries to clarify to aziraphale that heaven isn't trying to hurt job directly, but instead is just not stopping hell from doing horrible things to him. while there may be some additional nuance to add to this take within the context of british politics that i don't really know well enough to add about, i'm inclined to see this from the side of my own familiar american politics, which might hold some weight considering how long mr. gaiman's lived around here. point is, my current interpretation of that line is that it helps in more clearly establishing the analogy of heaven & hell as the story moves forward into newer seasons and thus more contemporary politics, equating heaven with mainstream liberal politics & politicians and hell with conservatives.
this stance seems to be emphasized even more in the tv show than the book which makes sense considering its been coming out more recently, and especially in season 2 which is still quite caught up in a lot of quarantine-based reflection. (the tv show puts a lot more emphasis on heaven & hell in general, actually, perhaps initially a byproduct of actually being able to see those environments in their entirety and all the angels & demons that populate them- but we'll get to that.)
the book takes a slightly different stance that, fittingly, seems more reflective of the time it came out. in particular, i was struck a lot more when reading the book by adam's rise (fall?) to power, and how much of it was motivated by a burgeoning nervousness/pessimism about climate change and the anxieties of younger generations that comes with inheriting an earth that feels so fucked up. honestly if anything it's only gotten more relevant in that respect, what with the current vibe on the internet & the hopelessness of the doomer gen z gang, but it also has a distinctly different flavor to me from the tv show, which i think is largely because it's less connected to Formal politics since again we see a whole lot less of heaven & hell as such distinct, bureaucratic entities.
instead, there is a very distinctly amoral aspect to heaven & hell that we get through lines like the one above and especially from characters like crowley. this is why i argue that good omens, despite having so many religious elements, is such a deeply secular take, especially when it comes to its ethics & morality- Good and Evil, notably with the capital letters in this case, has very little to do with actual actions and much more to do with the name that you stamp on top of said actions. heaven & hell and the angels & demons that we see directing and watching and generally fucking with aziraphale & crowley throughout the story are distinctly separate from humanity, and as we see even more as the story progresses, distinctly unaware about what it even means to be a human, in both a deeper philosophical & very basic and literal sense. Good and Evil is simply another name for the sides- and thus the true ethics is something separate, and based in a deeply human experience.
in my opinion this is also why aziraphale & crowley, lovers of humanity and also to some degree spokespersons of it from how much they've "gone native," tend to be so deeply at odds with both heaven & hell and always end up agreeing with each other over their own supposed sides. what makes aziraphale & crowley so distinctly different is that they ascribe to the same ethics & morality that humanity does, or at the very least are trying to figure out ethics & morality & How to Be a Good Person in the same horribly messy way that humans do, separating them from the black & white "this side Good & this side Bad," logic that the rest of heaven & hell instinctively ascribe to.
there's a lot of nuance here, which is also why i think there is such an emphasis on moral ambiguity (and love, but we'll get to that) throughout season 2. the story of job, grave robbing, & questionable attempts at matchmaking- aziraphale is working through a lot of Shit right now when it comes to trying to figure out what the Good thing actually fucking is, and i think it's key that a lot of that is motivated by crowley himself. crowley might'e been cast out of heaven for asking too many questions, but aziraphale is there & listening to them & giving them the serious thought they deserve, and that can't be overlooked.
sidenote: i couldn't figure out a place to shove this in, but i also wanna point out that a lot of this is tied to the idea of growing over time too. on the same page as the quote transcribed above is another line from crowley leading up to aziraphale's question that puts a lot of emphasis on the fact that warlock is going to be a product of nurture, not nature. again, this is an argument against basic black & white assigned-at-birth morality for the ability of humans to grow & change over time and be influenced by the people around them.
it's notable that despite adam's supposed origin as a Son of Satan, what really gets him to stop the apocalypse in the end is the fact that he doesn't really give a shit about all this big plans but instead just wants to hang around his friends. there's a lot of emphasis in the book placed on how beautiful & nice tadfield is as a place for a young kid to grow up, how well loved & fiercely protected it as as something beloved to adam. while he might be overwhelmed when faced with the full picture of how horrible the world can be, ultimately what he cares about is loving & taking care of the people & places that he grew up learning were precious, and the only way to do that is to keep growing & changing yourself within that world and trying to help it also grow into something better, not throw it all away just for the slightest chance that you could restart. a message worth taking the time to think about, at the absolute very least.
3. finding morality w/in humanity: crowley & aziraphale and speculation for s3
i have complicated feelings about both aziraphale & crowley throughout a lot of the show and especially in season 2. i think a lot of people, myself included, are inclined to see crowley as the voice of reason in this season, and for good reason- as i mentioned before, a lot of aziraphale's deeper questioning of the status quo and goodness (Goodness) as a whole is motivated by questions from crowley.
i kiiind of mentioned this in my previous essay, but to state it more clearly, my take on crowley is that he's arriving at the right answer for the wrong reasons, and, conversely, aziraphale is arriving at the wrong answer for... kind of also the wrong reasons but also slightly for the right reasons. let me explain.
crowley is clearly much more aware of the flaws in both heaven & hell than aziraphale is, which seems to be the basis behind a lot of his motivation in asking aziraphale so many questions in the first place. he's also, as maggie & nina point out in s2e6, deeply lonely, often running away or getting ready to fight literally anyone that isn't aziraphale (or humans, but that's a little more complicated). from his reaction to beelz & gabriel getting together, i think it's pretty clear that he still hasn't entirely given up on the whole alpha centauri idea, and it makes sense- as i said in that last essay, crowley basically won the argument at the end of the previous season when it comes to aziraphale & crowley, "making [their] own side," so he doesn't have much reason to face any of his personal fears until maggie & nina basically point out that they exist directly to his face. once they do point it out, however, he's very motivated to act & does so almost immediately, even after hearing what aziraphale has to tell him and being pretty thoroughly devastated by it.
my point here is that crowley is correct in seeing the toxicity of both heaven & hell, he's just flawed and largely motivated by fear (up for debate if that's all it is, but i certainly think it's a big part of it) in his desire to run away from it all. it's not quite armageddon, again he's going more flight > fight here, but he's still ultimately giving up and that's not a great conclusion.
on the other hand, as some others on this site have pointed out, aziraphale is certainly showing a lot of strength in his willingness to keep fighting & try to change things for the better, but it's not hard to see how that belief has been twisted. one of aziraphale's biggest flaw in motivation at this point imo is that he doesn't just believe in goodness but Goodness, the kind that's tied to heaven always being right & all actions being morally Good so long as they're done under the name of heaven, and that clearly also isn't great.
thus what i think the both of these two really need ultimately is that deeper connection to humanity, and the ethics born from humans interacting with humans. we can already see how strong these two are when they collaborate, even when they're doing their absolute best to be as subtle as possible, but what i think they need is to once again be grounded by humanity, not to get so caught up in the bullshittery of heaven & hell and Good & Evil, but once again find a goodness defined by the world that they mutually love so much and stick with it.
i keep tossing a question around in my head about whether or not aziraphale & crowley are going to end up human by the end of this series. it feels natural that they would, they're already so at home and in love with earth & around humanity, but i'm also not entirely sure if that would be a happy ending for them considering how long they've watched & loved the world as it's changed. perhaps taking this post into account is another push towards humanity as a happy ending, not running away to a cottage to get away from the world (i just can't see running away to a cottage to be together as as happy ending, sorry- it might work for beelz & gabriel but not for aziraphale & crowley), but choosing to settle down within that world that is so dear.
#'just three sections' LAFFS. YEAH#astronaut rambles#good omens#gomens#no but i like this one a lot better than the last attempt at a gomens essay#this one feels a lot cleaner. more focused?#got a bit sappy at the end but i don't mind humanity is always worth loving#also off topic but i read this really interesting paper at work the other day#about pratchett’s writing in discworld & zizek & religion#forget what it’s called now but it was an interesting take on how fiction/fantasy can allow for deeper insights/reflection of reality#got some discworld books today so looking forward to reading those once i slurp up the last hundred or so pages of good omens#also thanks to my dad for having some interesting commentary on the job interpretation in s2e2 today#i all but literally slept through sunday school so i think a lot of the more noteworthy religion takes in this show go over my head =3=‘’#man i am so very much looking forward to how season 3 continues this story#i feel like a lot of the big conclusions there are really gonna be important for the direction of the story’s main message#season 2 is just. such a transition season it’s hard to get super distinct conclusions sometimes#like it’s still going somewhere there’s shit developing#it’s not like sherlock where it just teases deeper meaning forever but gives you nothing#but. it’s just so obviously Not Over Yet and I Need More#anyways much love i need to go to bed now arghfjdkd lots of shit to do in the future but all i wanna do is keep writing gomens essays. sigh#brainrot central#oh yay my phone’s at 69% now ☺️ wheeee#good omens meta
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wrote that new topmew fic very quickly and now i'm not really happy with it (there's an inaccuracy that i don't actually want to get rid of dfslkdjf) but now i don't know what to work on >:(
#two gifsets are calling my name but i'm kind of stuck#bc i deleted some PSDs that would have come in handy so i'm grumpy with myself lol#tiee ep10 is stalled because that episode is annoying lol#i think the forcebook fic wants to be written more than the topmews#but i don't have a beginning yet or a pov#i like a third person limited but idk where to start#probably going to work on original work rather than fanfic but we'll see#as much as i was like I NEED TO WRITE TOPMEW FANFIC NOW!!!!!! i kind of don't want to now lol#they're kind of hard to write?#like don't get me wrong i'm still annoyed with what the writers did there at the end but i also slightly understand the predicament#especially with book's input it may have been hard to juggle what to include and what to exclude#in fact it kind of seems like they only added book's ideas but didn't bother take/alter anything else? bc there's some stuff where i'm like#mew would straight up not do that lol#so the way that translates into fic is trying to figure out what to include/exclude since the way they wrote him was kind of inconsistent#which i was big mad about at the end#but now i'm a little more resigned like. the turnover for these dramas is insane#and workshopping is really short so i can see why some holdovers from earlier drafts might not have made as much sense based on how the#characters changed through different iterations from the directors and actors#but that doesn't make some of the contrivances suddenly not annoying lmao#anyway reply with an emoji if you read this far jdljsfld#rum.txt
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rewrite erik, might i remind you that you're in a book with 498 pages...
and 618 ebook pages?? :o
#the first volume of 'hunchback' is 387 pages and the second is 467#yet rewrite erik's story is 111-31 pages longer! ;D#now that's what i call a big book! ;)#this from its apple page (which also has it at 573.9 kb instead of 557 like my file?)#i guess things get bigger when you're out in the world!#also i thought e-books didn't have pages? :o#poto rewritten
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I was watching Hunger Games (mainly bc I was bored but like. The books and the first movie honestly slap) and it struck hard how Locked Tomb honestly has the potential to be the next Big YA Thing. Frankly the only reason it's not already is probably because every bit of marketing slapped on it emphasises that it's queer
Which. That's what we need. Tazmuir could fucking topple Joanne and piss on her bones! If only more people read these fucking books!
#theres a yt essayest i enjoy called James Somerton#who i particularly respeect bc hes a gay former harry potter fan who talks about how foundstional the books were to him and others#while also explicitrly calling joanne out and explaing how her behaviour has tainted a big part of his development#and he recently made the point regaring shitwarts legacy that. joanne has won at capitalism.#she can say whateve she wants now and still live off the royalties#the most powerful thing we can do to her is make her irrelevant#and the only way to do that is to mke hp this half remembered obscure trivial thing#dwarfed by its successors#hunger games came close to that but was ultimately held back by its own intrinsically ironic marketing and need for a token het love triang#tlt doesnt have that. it is foundationally incapable of having that#and part of its inspo is arguably the biggest godamn influence on internet culture period#it has the potential to surpass all its predecessors if it can breach mainstram#what im saying is. if you havent already.#please find a copy of Gideon the Ninth.#only the queers can defeat joanne and her dark forces of racism and everythingphobia#(side note but as someone who lived in a transphobic home and personally witnessed my mother being fucking indoctrinated uhhhhh#yeah this is kind of fucking a big deal to me)
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