#very much disappointing in part 1 and i doubt there are any change now

[weldnas]

-

[purplepeach333]

The Prey

Pairing: Feyd x reader

Warnings: none

Summary: you are the adopted daughter of house Atriedes, stranded on Arrakis with your mother and brother. Paul starts seeing visions of war and chaos whilst you are trying to aid your brother in finding a way out of the bloodshed you get word of the arrival of the Emperor and house Harkooen. Paul goes to your mother for help. She claims there is only one way that war will be avoided which is for you to accept the long waited betrothal offer so that they can keep peace.

~Part 1~

I dart into the cramped cave my mother occupies, feeling frantic and almost sick

“How could you! Even just knowing that you were considering giving me away to those monsters is absolutely unbelievable!” I breathe out, anger coating my features as I pace around the small space a few times.

Jessica sits there in her usual place within the shadows almost unaware of my presence, meditating for the hundredth time that day. I stop pacing and turn to her looking for a sign that she is paying any kind of attention. Away from the blazing desert sun the air feeling cool as It fills my lungs, not a sound but my unsteady breath

“Mother please, you can’t just ignore me and expect me to accept it” I cry out angrily, searching for any kind of response.

After a horribly long couple minutes of silence Jessica opens her eyes glancing up at me with a vacant expression

“It has been decided, I have already sent word to the Baron.” She replies her voice empty and emotionless matching the bland expression on her face

“What!.” I stand there, my body frozen dread rushing through me. “Y-you can’t do that.” I try to protest my voice coming out in a desperate whisper. “They wouldn’t agree to it. Not now”

Feeling my world collapse around me, anything I could have ever wanted or wished for gone, impossible, absolutely unattainable I’ll be a prisoner.

“They will come to fetch you tomorrow, then all shall be well for Paul to continue on his path” she finishes turning away from me

Hearing her words I feel something within me snap “Paul! Is that seriously all you care about!” I shout in frustration. Seeing her so uninterested in what I have to say I step towards her. I'd been training day and night my whole life to perfect my control over the voice, without hesitation I look down at my mother and use her own training against her “look at me.” I command

The energy in the room changes almost immediately as Jessica stands from her spot glaring at me “how dare you.” She demands her voice echoing on the thick stone walls around us as bits of sand and rock fall from above.

“You have no say in the matter it has already been decided.” she continues stepping towards me “with the Harkoonens satisfied and out of the way Paul will be able to do what he must and with you wed to the Na-baron we will have a hand to control them.” Without another word she strides past me out into the light.

I stand there stunned. Even if Paul achieves his goal how will I gain control over the Harkooens they’d kill me if they ever saw me as a threat.

—

Stepping out into the harsh, burning heat from the cool, comforting shade, I realise that this is actually happening in just a few short hours. I will be forced to leave my family and the beautifully harsh desert to go willingly with the Harkooens. I’ve only ever read about them and their way of life and what I’ve read isn’t very comforting, but being merely a pawn in a large,unfair game of chess I have little to no say against the kings and knights ranking well above me no matter how much I plead and beg.

“y/n do you have nothing better to wear?” Jessica comments from behind me devoured by her layers of elegant fabrics

“No mother, this is all I have.” I pat down my fremen borrowed clothes “I doubt it matters-“

“Of course it matters, you must make a exceptional first impression” she corrects me immediately “you wouldn’t want to disappoint your betrothed”

I peer out into the never ending sea of sand, wishing it would swallow me whole and put me out of my misery.

[the-words-we-sung]

Season 3 ending

So... It's been almost a week since the last episode, almost a week trying to wrap my head around the end of the show, trying to manage my feelings about it all.

It's hard to end up feeling the complete opposite of nearly everyone on my dash but I've come to terms with the fact that I didn't love the ending. I didn't love this last episode. (I shouldn't feel ashamed or weird for saying so but you guys loved it so much that I feel a bit like an outsider right now 😓)

I haven't been a fan of the show for as long as most of you, but it means so much to me. These characters carved a place in my heart and in my head, and they've made me happy for months now. They helped me get through some stuff, made me discover some amazing artists, meet even more amazing people through this fandom. And I loved the story. Even in its darkest, saddest parts, I loved it. I was invested.

I love Wilhelm and Simon, together and separately. They mean so much to me. And I loved season 1 and 2. It made me happy, and sad, and frustrated, and exalted. But overall, I trusted the show and I was not disappointed.

Season 3 was a lot. I liked the first 5 episodes. I can't say that I loved everything about them: I was not expecting things to get so hard for Simon, with no reprieve in sight. I was not worried about Wilmon being endgame (I know it was a big stress for the fandom but honestly I never doubted that they were endgame), but I was wondering how the show would go about tying all the knots it made (I should even say all the knots it added during this last season).

(Under a read more because it's a bit long and I don't want to bother those who don't wanna read more of my frustrated thoughts ^^')

And unfortunately the last episode was a huge let down for me. Yes, it's partly because nothing I was hoping for actually happened, but mostly, it's because the choices they made did not feel very satisfying to me: ⁕ Simon was barely there. We went from him being bullied online/offline non stop for 5 episodes to almost nothing. It makes 0 sense to me. ⁕ Kristina suddenly feeling better: she was having break down upon break down for an entire season, could barely look at her son or even just talk normally and all of a sudden she's back, smiling and agreeing to everything Wilhelm says? I'm sorry but I don't buy it? Where did this Kristina hid during the entire show? ⁕ Wilhelm deciding to not be king, talking for 3min to his parents about it, them agreeing and him running into the sunset with Simon. I'm sorry, what?? I love that they end up together of course, but it makes very little sense to me? It won't change any of the issues they had this season? They're still gonna be famous? And bullied online/offline? (Probably even more so now?). I'm not obviously saying that Wilhelm staying in line to become king was the only or the best solution, but I wanted more from this storyline. I wanted to believe it. And right now, what we got? It feels a bit cheap (and I feel bad for saying that because the ending was cute and romantic and all, but it felt too disconnected from the rest of the show for me ><)

And apart from these few points, the big issue I had with this episode was: The Angst. So that might be a me-problem, but it was too much for my poor little heart (I haven't rewatched the episode yet, and I'm not sure I'll be able to anytime soon ><). I spent like 40min of the episode with a huge knot in the stomach because the heartbreak between Simon and Wilhelm was too much to handle for me. I can see how it was beautifully made, that having lots of throwbacks to the previous seasons, the Wille song, all of that was great cinematography. But it was just too much for me. I got in the season spoiler-free but for this episode? During the lake scene I had to take a break and check online if they were actually endgame because it was starting to actually give me a stomachache. So yeah, this part might be me being too sensitive but I did not like that they made me see them fight for each other for 2 seasons and 5 episodes, but then just giving up for 40min before finally running back to each other during the last 10min. It was just too much sadness for me ><

So yeah, maybe my expectations were too high? But I feel sad, and kinda cheated. Too many things are left wide opened. Too many things make zero sense to me. And of course I'm happy we got our Wilmon endgame, but I'm less happy about how it happened.

It's a bit hard being on Tumblr right now and seeing everyone who thought it was the perfect episode >< And I don't want to "yuck anyone's yum" (as the saying goes), but I still wanna be able to share my thoughts! I probably won't write super angry/unhappy/complaining posts about the season/the finale, but I still wanna be able to chat about it. I did see some posts on my dash from people not being entirely satisfied with this ending so it's a bit comforting. And I hope we can share some nice headcanons, or just discussions about different plot points.

But yeah, I guess that's why I haven't really been active this week! Trying to get over the double heartbreak of the end of the show + being disappointed with the ending! I'm gonna come back though! I miss hanging out here, I just need to strengthen my heart a little bit more :p Gonna get back to writing about my thoughts episode by episode for this season (I can't promise I can rewatch the last one though 😖 It might take me a bit of time to get there). And I want to continue my song analysis of the show!! I'm not even done with season 2 yet, I have some work to do there ^^

So see you back here very soon 😘

[jayschaconne]

Long Overdue | Park Jay

PART 1

summary: Many instances of miscommunication have caused you to keep your feelings a secret. Eventually, there comes a day where neither of you can take it anymore.

warnings: slightly suggestive themes, light swearing

a/n: this is ass but it’s for jokes.

words: 1.6k

~~~

“I don’t know why you’d doubt your own potential this way.” Jay had visited you as you’d asked, to help you with your term’s last assignment.

“I’m not so much doubting my potential, as much as I’m getting feedback from an incredible performer.” You smiled at him through the mirror, not bothering to hide your feelings of admiration for him.

“Yes, but you are also very much capable of doing this. I know the reason I’ve been asked here today is because someone is too used to making themselves feel small when there’s any sort of unfamiliarity involved in a task,” Jay said as he walked over to you.

“It could also be the fact that my partner ditched last minute. So you’re all I have now,” you said to defend yourself, but it was true. You were sat on a small wooden bench that had been brought in recently. The wood’s polish had a strong scent that engulfed the air around it.

Jay seated himself on the floor, taking his hat off and looking up at you. “Y/n. While I can understand you not having a partner, I still am disappointed as your friend that you have no faith in yourself. You could easily pull this off on your own. You don’t need me. You can’t keep holding yourself back this way.”

When was he going to get it? You did need him. “I can’t help it that I’m this fond of you,” You blurted out.

Running your fingers through his hair, you took one good look at him. He was adorned in a faded blue denim jacket that he wore over a tank top. His hair had started to get so long it was reaching his eyes. His lips. They’d never looked this kissable as they did now, after what happened. You’d tried everything for the thought of him to not consume your mind, but it was never that easy. Easy would be if he weren’t frequently around you, if your voice didn’t suddenly change its tone when you spoke to him, if he hadn’t led you on so many times.

It started with those few instances where harmless flirting between the two of you didn’t feel so harmless to you anymore. It went from touchy-feely to feeling completely lost without him being present.

There was nothing that could fill the void of his absence except him. Which he did, but it put you at even more of a disadvantage.

Those words had already been said. It was the mark they left behind that made it so much more painful.

“We’d never work. I think it’s best we call it a mistake and move on.”

You could still remember that night so vividly. It had left this ache in your heart that you were certain only Jay could mend.

“What are you looking at?” The sound of his laugh broke you out of your trance.

“Nothing,” you decided to keep your smile, taking notice of how his eyes were fixated on you.

Locking in silence for a few seconds, both your eyes searched each other’s. It felt like the perfect moment to say it all right now.

You were wrong though, since Jay got up shortly after. “So, you ready?”

Sighing to yourself, you responded, “Yeah.”

———

Jay was making sure you were taking note of his ideas. With a nod, he’d purse his lips and consider anything you had to say. His body moved in a way that made you want to tug on the fabric of your shirt.

Watching him dance so sensually wasn’t anything you’d thought you’d get to see from this close, but here you were, seeing him make the music seem like it was following his movements instead of him following its rhythm.

His breath that quickened with each sudden movement could be heard over the light volume of the speakers.

You couldn’t tear your eyes away from his arms. The sweat that was starting to form on him, his bangs lightly clinging to his forehead. He looked so good.

Within a matter of minutes you both had come up with quite a few ideas.

He always praised you on how better you had gotten at finding your own rhythm. It was unique. It was sexy. It was you. He could appreciate that, and it was very clear.

The way his eyes watched you whenever you added your own personal touch to certain moves just said too much.

He’d purse his lips to hide the smirk you could see forming on them through the mirror.

You knew he was paying close attention, even if he were to try and make the excuse that it was just for the purpose of making sure you pass on your evaluation.

You’d picked up on his movements rather quickly, which caused him to lose his composure.

“There you go. You’re doing so well.” The sudden praise from him had caught you off guard. But not as much as his hands that were slowly making their way around your waist did.

It had been a while since you and Jay had been in physical contact with one another. The last time was the night before he’d made the decision that’d change both your perception of your twos’ friendship.

Your eyes met in your reflection. Jay’s hold on you was still intact, but you could sense it. His hands, they were stiff.

Any other time he’d held you, even platonically, Jay had a way of making you melt into his touch. He was naturally very calm and whenever he showed physical affection, he usually eased into it himself too.

This felt different. Awkward, even.

You had the sudden realization that this would trigger many feelings in you. And this was a rather bad time to make emotionally driven decisions.

“Jay…can we please focus?”

“Oh. Yeah.” He released his hold on you, leaving you with a feeling you’d gotten too used to.

“I think we should practice before I go back home. It’s already quite late,” he glanced at his watch.

His hands found their way to his chain, playing with it as he asked you, “You wanna?”

You felt your stomach twist at the raspiness of his voice. At how his lip was pulled between his teeth. At how he’d completely misconveyed what he’d asked. “Oh. Practice, you mean.”

And just in a matter of seconds, that damn smirk was back. “Yes. Practice, I mean.” He mocked.

You felt your ears go hot. Jay’s hands found their way to your hips and positioned you in front of him so you both were standing just a few steps apart from each other.

He made sure to lead you through the music, getting you in the right feels by guiding your hips with the slightest touch.

It went from featherlight to slightly impatient as he spun you around, your waist loving the harsh grip of his hands, the cold feeling of his rings that had picked up on the temperature of the chilled room.

Your fingers twisted on the neckline of the tee he wore as you pulled him closer to you.

There was so much you had to remind yourself of. It was the music. It was the atmosphere. It wasn’t him. It couldn’t be him.

The mental toll it took on you to get through it the first time was enough. You did not have to indulge in this feeling for a second time. This was just a choreography. It wasn’t you.

But having to separate yourself from him was driving you crazy. He looked so fucking good. Sweat dripping down his entire body, bangs clinging to his forehead, veins on display in that god awful tank top he wouldn’t throw away.

The sight of his arms made you pay close attention to how they felt around you. They tightened each time your head rolled back into the side of his neck, and you could’ve sworn you heard him growl under his breath.

His hands trailed down your back, stopping right below your ass, gently gripping your thigh, bringing it around his torso.

He dropped the rest of your weight lower, now only his hands kept you in place. His head dipped into the crook of your neck, trailing down to your chest.

Your breathing quickened. Jay’s head rested against your breasts, right where your blouse’ buttons had been undone. His mouth was dangerously close, you could feel his hot, warm breath come in contact with your exposed skin.

Unable to contain yourself, your arms naturally found their way around his neck, then his hair. You were getting needier for him by the minute.

“Jay,” you felt yourself say.

But it was barely even a whisper.

In an instant, you had been brought back on your feet. Jay traced your skin with his long fingers, all the way from the side of your neck and stopped right above your hip bone. Your back faced him now.

He was guiding you. Almost as if he’d picked up on the fact that your brain stopped functioning. “You place your arm around me now,” he’d said.

You watched the two of you together in your reflection, seeming like the perfect picture.

“No, love, not like that,” you heard him chuckle from behind you.

Your heart sank at the familiar name. Months worth of stitching a heart so wretched had been for nothing, you guessed.

Jay could do so little but had so much control over you.

You turned over to him. “Jay, I think it’s best you go.”

Jay’s face was ash pale. Words didn’t seem to form in his mouth. His lips would part only to release a stifled breath.

“Y/n.”

“Go please.”

Without another word, you watched the one you loved slip away from your hold. His hands leaving a lingering feeling on yours.

He picked up his hat, put it on, and walked out, leaving you with only your own predictions of his return.

[lavalampstealer]

🤝 How would you describe the nature of Phoenix and their Handler’s working relationship? (Bonus: at what point/s do you think this dynamic shifts?)

WOOHOO!!

Phoenix and Handler’s dynamic has been one that’s been a bit.. I don’t know, almost confusing. To me, at least. I see all these different interpretations of the duo and it’s hard to not have them influence my own at times. I’m gonna have to go game-by-game with this one because their working relationship definitely did change over the course of the series. And keep in mind, this is going to have a lot of headcanons/interpretations squeezed in here- I am going to go as close to game accurate as I can, which means it’s WAY too many words to not go under a cut. Also spoilers, of course.

Game 1: Phoenix (or rather, the Agent at this point), is a fresh faced newbie who Handler doesn’t seem to have long-term high hopes for. The beginning of the turning point for him starts as early as the end of Deep Dive, I’d say. He really didn’t expect them to make it out of that one, and he’s pleasantly surprised to see them alive. He’s a little more personable with them during their next mission, Winter Break, and even more so in First Class. He sets up riddles and puzzles in their cabin for them, clearly having fun with it.

By the time of Seat of Power and Death Engine, he’s definitely warmed up to the Agent and isn’t just putting on the show of being enthusiastic- it’s genuine. He’s at least gotten a little attached by now.

So, game 1 summary: from “oh goodie, new agent! I don’t expect them to last long” to “Hey, they’re not bad! I think they might actually stick around a while. We can trust them with a larger assignment.” (That assignment being the Juniper case- had we gone through Stage Fright in game 1, I doubt that the Agent would have been allowed stayed on. Not enough experience + hasn’t proved themselves, it would have been reassigned to someone who had that.)

Game 2: In the beginning, the Agent might just be one of if not his favorite active agents. He shows genuine concern and worry for them after they get reconnected in Jet Set, and he shares/expresses his disappointment with Juniper with them. I mean, just think about it- the last time he was disconnected from them like that was during Death Engine which, assumedly, would have resulted in any other agent at their skill level being killed. Moving on, he’s panicked for them when the guard comes in Eaves Drop (there’s more to talk about with ED but I’ll get to it somewhere else). “When you get back, you should get that eye looked at.” By now, he has confidence in the Agent and knows that they’ll make it back after this mission- seems easy enough, just sneak into John Juniper’s booby-trapped chateau and make it out alive with the briefcase. Piece of cake. Here’s my favorite part- Safe and Sound. Now there’s shift in their dynamic, nothing new there, but this time we feel it on the Agent/player’s end. They hear Handler acting.. off, to say the least, and they only lose trust in him as they become more and more uneasy up until the Juniper reveal. When they do get back in touch with the real Handler, there is a trust that’s been lost. Maybe not in Handler himself, as he scrambles to prove that he is who he says he is, but in whoever happens to be on the other side of their comms. But wait, there’s more! We learn from Handler that he’s apparently been searching for them himself for hours- do I even need to say anything for this? And here comes Rising Phoenix. His plea for the Agent to not do it as he recognizes that they’re going to sacrifice themselves, his cry for them when they fall, his shellshocked debriefing as he has to accept that the Agent Phoenix isn’t coming back this time, that there wasn’t even a body to recover. GODDDD HE CARES. HE CARES SO MUCH, IT HURTS TO LISTEN TO THAT DEBRIEFING.

To add to all of this, he had been (mostly) nearby/in very close proximity to Phoenix this time around, which means that they most definitely saw each other in person at least once. Stage Fright? I mean, it’s possible that they arrived separately and didn’t see each other. Jet Set is a no. Eaves Drop? They absolutely saw each other, Handler was up on the roof when they went down and came back up! Party Crasher? Handler was the getaway driver (“Come back to the van” versus “Get back to the van”). Safe and Sound? More of the same, they were probably driven by him to whatever their next mode of transportation was to get to the island with the Peace Summit. He wasn’t there for Rising Phoenix, but I bet that he would’ve been if he could have. Maybe he could have changed things..

Game 3: Good LORDDDDD his reaction in the tutorial (SOBBING SHAKING CRYING he’s so relieved and dare I say GIDDY upon finding out that Phoenix is alive and relatively safe). Yeah he’s so attached by now, it’s insane. HE WAS READY AND WILLING TO DIVE INTO THE OCEAN TO SAVE PHOENIX. !!! I’d probably have to go back and replay ieytd3 in order to spot more instances like this but tragically, I have not found a good chance to since this was asked + I don’t want to keep this sitting in my drafts for any longer than I already have (sorry asker😓). I was more focused on Roxana’s development than Handler’s when I did go through it, to be honest. He is very open and chatty by the end of this, though, he even tells us a story about his personal life! Even if we didn’t really get to hear about his thing with chickens.. sorry Handler.

I’m running out of steam writing this, but I like to say that this development applies to Cyan and Yellow as well, as even if I want to put my own spin on things with my Phoenix interpretation and such, I also like to have them be relatively on-brand. I don’t think it’d be fit for me to describe their dynamic in any other way than Agent and Handler, whether that be applied to how they were in Squeaky Clean or in Hot Water. It just Is, you know?

Hope you enjoyed the word wall!

[theoakleafpancake]

Okay so I think I've had enough time to get my thoughts together, and after watching the new season twice back to back, here are my highlights for each episode (Basically me taking the thoughts I had written down and condensing them) (Do not keep reading if you haven't watched it yet :)) This is going to be a very long post

Chapter 1: Startouched

First of all, still can't get over Aaravos's crying. Pack it up, Santa Claus 🤚

The new Viren intro? Hello? Is he dead? He must be

Was very disappointed to realize that he was, in fact, not dead

Terry is still thriving. We stan him

Rest in peace, Sir Sparklepuff

Claudia was abandoned by her mother and her brother (in her eyes), and now her father, too, whom she sacrificed so much to save.

Her sobs are chilling

Soren is an icon, as usual, he and Opeli are the best duo

"Fellowship of the Pearl" ELROND??

Stella is the number one Rayllum stan

Seriously, why does everyone sleep in full uniform?? Except Rayla. She gets comfort

"What have I done" my poor boy is never going to sleep again

"He took our blankie" LMAOO

Barius could be an award-winning baker in our world

"I'll be fine. I have my blankie." I'm going to live by this phrase

Claudia, PLEASE get some therapy

Chapter 2: Love, War and Mushrooms

Ayo we get a Claudia intro now??? Leave my girl alone

SORUVS CRUMBS LET'S GOOO

"I'm happy to see you, too." Good. Now kiss

Karim's reflection in the crown :( poor Janai

"What am I not seeing?" Corvus, honey. There are weirdly-colored mushrooms. EVERYWHERE.

Not him having to babysit Soren and Hat

"But I will do what I must" Karim stop trying to be Viren

Ezran and Zym being brothers <3

Soren's carrying the entire show with the modern references "Among Us"

"If I ever start to doubt you, I'll know I am truly lost" crying rn

I did not expect Soren to have beef with a mushroom

Hello?? The parallel scene with Janai and Karim's speeches?? I am speechless?? It's beautiful.

Fun sized Zym!

YES JANAYA IS GETTING MARRIED

Each group adopted a baitling and I'm here for it

Chapter 3: The Frozen Ship

AARAVOS FORCED HIM TO USE DARK MAGIC ON THE SHIP???? HE WAS POSSESSED AGAIN???

"Aww, look at that pair, Sneezles and Snoozles" as he's having a traumatic nightmare LMAO

Terry is still waiting for her...

SNEEZLES WHY'D YOU RUIN THE KISS (Very smooth, Callum)

I love Earthblood magic

"Evil black ice" preach, Rayla

They really put the ship monologue in, didn't they 😭

"I mean, you can sit here and draw pictures up the ship, but does that change anything?" hey, shut up <3

Y'know what, forget the plot twists and everything, I wanna know how Claudia's nails stay perfect

Rayla sobbing over a love tragedy while Callum's out in the freezing snow

"Rayla, I'm here!" *door slams in his face*

"Rayla..." *gives a super soft look* "all this time...you were READING?" Writers how dare you

WE GET DAD LORE, EVERYONE. HIS NAME IS DAMIEN. HE WAS A POET. AND HE HAD A BREATHING DISEASE. Maybe the same like Soren? Could he have been saved with Dark Magic????

Callum just share the blanket...YES

Stella the wingman

Callum nO—WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER ABOUT THE DARK MAGIC RIGHT WHEN YOU WERE ABOUT TO KISS?

Claudia is slaying with that new haircut

TERRY WAS COLLECTING THE STICKS TO MAKE HER A LEG HJLEFHKBEFAHKBEF "I did it for you!" kuhewfkhuefw "I would do anything for you." YES

Idk why but the animation during the argument was just *chef's kiss*

"I promise." Hey. No. Stop it.

"I am a humble servant!" How the turns have tabled

Aw, Viren's begging and sobbing on the ground like the pathetic man he is.

"Good. You don't deserve any." LET'S GO, EZRAN

Chapter 4: The Starscraper

I was expecting Callum to just be shot up in the sky like he was walking into a geyser, tbh

but the starscaper is giving minecraft beacons

I was kind of expecting a "BUT it's a living creature and deserves to not be used for parts" but ig we'll settle for a "BUT it's sooo cute"

"Hello, we need help." "Drop." Well alright then

Claudia, yes. Step away from Aaravos. No, he does not deserve your help. nO

"I need to see my dad, he can tell me the right path" Yeah, I don't think she's gonna see her dad again

"How do you all feel about spiders" haha nOPE I'm out

Oh, yay. Sol Regem.

"No" HA

"No horns! But greasy hair..." dang Astrid what did Callum do to you

THE STAFFS. AND VIREN'S SHOULD BE THERE

The novablade was given to a human girl?? The Orphan Queen, mayhaps?? 👀

AARAVOS CAN'T BE KILLED???

Thank you Terry, for saving Claudia from using that vial

ohhh, Soren's about to get severe whiplash

Chapter 5: Moonless Night

Soren's serious and I don't like it

LMAO not Stella trying to steal Callum's book

"Maybe I just want to see you suffer" As you should, Soren

"And I'm so proud of you" "Everything you're telling me is some kind of lie" OUCH

Viren being miserable brings me joy

Not the wet socks :(

Rayla girlbossing as usual

her seeing the good in the ones that everyone else thinks is a monster >>>>

I want to pet Esmeray

Moana who? I only know Rayla

"Luna's love is with you even if she's not" didn't Runaan say something similar to Ethari before he left??

What's the significance of the bells

THE QUASAR DIAMONDS

HE DID IT FOR HER. HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER. SHE GETS TO SEE HER FAMILY AGAIN

Imagine the first thing you see in your life is the stars...I think I'd transcend, too

THEY'RE SEEING EACH OTHER FOR THE FIRST TIME

Kosmo's getting his magical girl transformation

"Your star is...darkness" That wasn't very nice >:(

Lain's face is full of defiance while Tiadrin and Runaan are terrified

Poor Callum

The scene with Viren shouting to Aaravos he can't control him, and then panning to the fly caught in a spiderweb is a nice touch

Chapter 6: Moment of Truth

I'm sorry, what happened to "Hello?" "How are you?" WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT THE REAL PEARL? WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S THE DECOY? WHAT DO YOU MEAN AARAVOS CONTROLLED HIM AGAIN?

The parallels of both Viren and Harrow writing a letter to their son

Lissa is gorgeous

Nooo, writers, stop trying to make me feel sympathy for the rat man

Kpp'Ar?!? Isn't actually a bad guy?

Kosmo you broke Callum

"You might have all the power of the cosmos but you're still dumb" Astrid ily

Did he just?? Hit the restart button? I want that. Give me the power of the cosmos :(

HARROW CAMEO

Callum's stronger than I am cause I would have walked out as soon as she mentioned the spider was going to bite me

"Without magic, you're just a frail old man" who's talking now, Viren

Oh. "I watched it fill with her tears" my hatred of you has increased tenfold, Viren

RAYLA IS HIS TRUTH. HIS LIGHT. THE ONE WHO BRINGS HIM BACK FROM THE DARKNESS

That letter needs to go to Claudia instead of Soren

Stella bringing out the popcorn lmao

THEY KISSED. THIS ISN'T A DRILL, THEY KISSED

"I love you" IOUHEFIUHGIUEGFIUGHEFWIUHEWIO THEY FINALLY SAID IT

Chapter 7: The Red Wedding

The way he caresses her face adiwefiijefjioef

MOON NEXUS. HER PARENTS. RUNAAN.

Not Stella being mean to Sneezles for messing up another Raylum kiss

Ooh, they're getting married! But Karim has to be a little POS and ruin it with an army

Aanya, beloved

Hmm I saw you moving closer to Ezran there

Janaya for life

"Specifically, we tried to kill each other" true love at it's finest

They keep bringing attention to Pharos's wound and I don't like it

Get married, kill your traitorous brother, and eat cake, all in a day's work

THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER they're literally perfect

"Of course I love my sister! I still want to take everything she ever loved from her!" Brother of the year award

So many of my problems could be fixed with an exploding arrow

Ezran didn't reach them in time IS HE GONNA DIE WITH THEM

Wait

LMAO SOL REGEM DITCHED THEM THAT'S HILARIOUS

Oh no he's heading for Katolis oh NO

Chapter 8: We All Fall Down

I am...I have no words for this. (Seriously, I didn't have a lot of notes for this bit. Just seeing Katolis being burned to the ground, the townspeople about to die...the writers were brilliant at letting us feel their horror and fear)

AARAVOS.

Hat survived tho

"Take good care of Hat" you act like you're about to die??

There are a lot of names I'd like to call Aaravos, but I won't say them

"I can't" oh do something for ONCE

"Take my heart." I'm sorry??? No???

Viren. Why is there blood on the knife what did you DO

He carved his own heart. He CARVED his OWN HEART

Soren's alive tho

THE PICTURES OF THE FAMILY JLKBEFJBKLFES

Ladies and gentlemen, Viren is finally dead. And even though I still hate him, his death sequence was top tier

CLAUDIA

Ew, pathetic beast (Sol Regem)

Aaravos, I hope you choke on your own tears <3

Claudia, the tragedy that you are

She lost her father TWICE

Nooo the pearl GET AWAY FROM HER AARAVOS

HE DID ALL OF THIS. ALL OF THIS BECAUSE THE PEARL WAS STILL THERE. HE KNEW SHE WOULD COME BACK FOR HER FATHER. AND HE NEEDED VIREN DEAD TO GIVE HER THAT FINAL PUSH.

I forgot Lujanne had a husband. Or boyfriend. Did she and Allen get married? I don't remember

Thank you for being the ONLY reasonable one here, Terry

Claudia and Callum are after the same spell??

He needed Sol Regem's bones :o

IT ISN'T THE REAL QUASAR DIAMOND?

"Veritas" hello Deltora Quest what are you doing here

HE HAD THE THIRD QUASAR DIAMOND IN HIS STAFF THE WHOLE TIME?? RAYLA HAS TO CHOOSE? WHY CAN'T YOU LET HER BE HAPPY DANGIT

Ooh Claudia's spell didn't work?

Chapter 9: Stardust

"It needs love" That was...not what I expected from you

Leola, cutie. Her and Claudia would have gotten along well

Callum made her a bracelet to bring her back <3

Rayllum!

RUNAAN? it wasn't the behemoth, he's there but he's corrupted? What???

LAIN AND TIADRIN!! And they're...dancing?

Ohhh the key was for a book

They're at peace. Runaan's not. I'm going to die

Leola looks so small standing before them

I love how the cosmic order is just like "oh this is the beginning of chaos" you are quite literally about to kickstart that chaos

The og trio looks so small in the flashback

THE REFLECTION IN THE POND SHOWS LITTLE RAYLA HUGGING HER PARENTS. ILUHEFIUGLEFIUHL

And thus, Leola's Last Wish was born

Oh Santa's back

They put his prison in his daughter's grave 😟

"You taught me to never break my promises!" Hey, so. Can you break the promise you made in Chapter 3?

"No!" Runaan get back here right now.

So Lain and Tiadrin have been dancing this whole time while Runaan's been living in a nightmare. That checks out

Ruthari <3

OOh the Aaravos/Runaan spell is just like the Janai/Karim speech sequence

RUNAAN IS BACK. RUNAAN IS ALIVE

OH NO CALLUM CAUGHT SIGHT OF KATOLIS BURNING

The wedding was supposed to be happy >:(

Aanya got to try her cake tho

Ezran, my poor boy. He was just going away for his aunt's wedding. Nothing was supposed to go wrong. He's still a kid.

Aaravos also gets his magical girl transformation

Hello?? He's literally a giant? Ohhh the "I swallowed her" makes sense now

Terry knows this is a horrible idea. What if Aaravos makes her turn on Terry?????

Is this why is voice is so deep?

Overall, season 6 was a ROLLERCOASTER and probably my new favorite season. There was so much going on, and it did not disappoint. I can't wait to see the next season, AND for those of you who don't know, there has been a mention of a third arc which means possibily 10 seasons instead of 7!!!!! But in order for that to happen we need to show as much support as possible so yeah! If we do get those 3 extra seasons I will never shut up about this series

[heartstringsduet]

Thanks for creating this Weekend WIP ask @welcometololaland . Guess who's not just wide awake at 5 am and half-blindly misunderstanding this is not a ask game but a fill-in thing? OOPS. SORRY thanks for tagging me @rmd-writes @alrightbuckaroo @lemonlyman-dotcom For Writers

1. WIP List: First Aid (Lying fools trying to fix the other)

Let Me Part 5 (D/s verse) TK turning 30 collab with @strandnreyes New Year's Day (meeting over and over on new years) Fathers (daddy issues the fic) 5 things Carlos isn't good at Christmassy short?

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest? First Aid. 120k that might be cut down or...expanded? but like 100k for sure will end up published.

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest? See above. Want to take some time away from more than 50k projects after this. Good luck Michelle.

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

Right now TK turning 30 is a wonderful reprieve because it doesn't really have a plot and I love written character deep-dives. But also, seeing the finish line of First Aid really made me sit down and enjoy writing it again.

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

Ugh don't want to be a one-trick pony but First Aid has a lot of things that intimidate me. Like making both of them recognizable despite some very different circumstances for them. But also keeping all plot-points and the pacing and the OCs consistent and in line? UGH.

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why? See above. Added pressure for me thinking no one will like it because it really does have flawed characters and a lot of lying and back and forth and drama baby drama. Maybe people won't like the finished thing as much as the snippets. Maybe I will be disappointed by the response.. Maybe maybe maybe

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why? For longer fics or fics that mean much to me I do ask betas and they are TREMENDOUS helps and just a joy to me. I am in awe of all of you, taking the time to help make something shine more. <3 Still considering asking someone to sensitivity read First Aid but feel like 120k might a bit too much to ask of someone. So maybe I will ask for feedback once I update instead and hope I don't offend anyone and am open to criticism. Or maybe if you read this and want to be a sensitivity reader particularly for representation of Latino characters, would love that <3

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block? Oh some have been on hiatus more like. like the 5 things Carlos can't do or the Fathers one. I really like what I have there so far but then other projects get in the way. First Aid definitely had some writer's block moments so I wrote other things like Let Me in between.

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?

Well, First Aid has a few OCs actually and none of them totally the ones everyone will love. But I do like writing Arturo, as a cousin to Carlos, even if he definitely won't be liked much.

10. Which WIP is the sexiest?

Let Me series for sure. That's just where the 5% sexual frustration I feel a year goes lol.

11. Which WIP is the angstiest?

First Aid is like a dark pool of angst. Whoops. Let Me isn't without its fair share of hurt/comfort though.

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)? Fathers. I try to be very close to the source material to explore the relationship of TK and his father and Carlos and Owen through the lense of Carlos and how it changes over time.

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)? My weaknessss. I guess First Aid though. Trying to do some of New York justic,e but ultimately won't probably.

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?

Well for the sheer length and plot and time: First Aid.

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why? See above and see my doubts about First Aid. 😶

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

I WISH. I wish I dreamt about people other than my former high school friends?

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't? The new part of the Let Me series deals with grief and self-harm in a very specific scenario of being in a relationship with Dom/sub dynamics. I think that's fascinating and I wanted to write that part for a while.

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour? Did i mention the angst part? But I guess 5 things Carlos isn't good at

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process? Yes! TK turns 30 is actually about so many relationships TK has outside of the romantic one. I LOVE that. Since I have more experience with friendships than even family ties, and deep-dive into my own psyche way too much, I think this one is really challenging and fun.

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.

I ave like 10k minimum of First Aid that is all different versions of the characters and scenarios that make no sense anymore. Also, coming up with 5 fun things Carlos can't do wasn't that easy. he is TALENTED. I tag @decafdino @ambiguouspenny @carlos-in-glasses @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @lightningboltreader @noxsoulmate @chaotictarlos @louis-ii-reyes-strand @carlos-tk @ladytessa74 @freneticfloetry @orchidscript

[theflyindutchwoman]

The Road to Chenford - The realisation

The show has always been vague enough that we can all interpret differently when Tim and Lucy started realising their feelings were more than platonic. I wonder if we're going to have more insights on that regard now. In the meantime, let's speculate : what was the moment you think they had their "come to Jesus" moment?

Here's how I see things :

. Up until the end of season 3 - Friends (and TO/rookie).

When they met, they were under a very strict work imbalance of power (as hot it is in fanfiction, this is messy in real life). Any initial feelings of attraction there might have been, I'm pretty sure these were sublimated real quick. Not to mention that both were in relationships (dysfunctional but still there) and clearly not in that heads pace. Towards the end of season 1 and in season 2, we see them get closer. Tim let her set him up, something he would never have agreed before. They talk about their personal life in the shop. After Day of Death, the shift becomes stronger : they are less and less TO/rookie and more equals in the way Tim treats her (but not paper). It's obvious they care about the other very much. In 3.09, we have the infamous prank about feelings : between the way Lucy is easily able to crack up about it and the surprised and panicked face Tim makes, it's supposed to make us feel that if the feelings are there, they still don't realise it. Ironically Lucy is not wrong in her assessment, she just didn't fully get it yet. They are able to bounce back to being them real fast too, without much awkwardness. And then Angela's wedding happened (well technically it didn't but bear with me).

. Angela's wedding - The attraction Part

That's really the moment where it hits them both I think. The elevator eyes, the open flirting about the UC flirting, catching the other's eyes... While still being a superior officer, they are no longer in each other's direct chain of command. So it probably makes it easier to lower their guards. Tragedy strikes but we still see some remnants of this attraction at Tim's house. I honestly think Lucy was ready to risk it all, but I'm glad they got interrupted. Grief is hardly a good place to start something so important. Again, hot, but messy. I wish we didn't have the time jump, but I surmise Lucy was so adamant to become Tim's aide because it was safe. She had just lost her best friend, her life and job are full of uncertainties so being back to their old relationship was comforting. It's familiar, she knows how to navigate into this world.

And despite everything, their friendship really strengthens. Sure they date other people, but who do they confide in when it's tough or when in doubt? We even have Tim practically admit it after the double date : Lucy is comfort.

. The Practice Kiss - And so it begins...

I think Lucy has her moment slightly before actually. When she realises that Tim could get married, her heartbroken face spoke volume. I think it's really the moment where it hits her that there's something more and that she could lose him. Up until now, there was no real reason to worry : they always came up first. If he gets married, things might change. But it took the kiss for Tim to catch up. Poor boy got his brain broken so many nights that time, it's no wonder it stopped working. Also, Lucy's hopeful, then disappointed face when she thought Tim was going to talk about that kiss, makes me feel she is on the same page, they just don't know it yet. Something that was so comfortable becomes uncertain and that's scary.

There's a small detail that I think illustrate this perspective : the parking lot. Up until 4.22, all the major Chenford moments that took place in the parking lot, they happened underground. As a  way to suggest that the feelings are there, we can see them on their face, but they're buried underneath. But after the kiss, after they got their reality check, the location switch to outside… In plain view. Even the conversation they have about giving their relationship a chance to blossom happens nearby (the parking lot is just a bit further on the side if my geography is not fully messed up).

After that, they are both aware, but Lucy lets her fears win temporarily (and with the Rosalind's shadow looming over her, it's not too hard to sympathise). And yet, both still took a step forward in the apartment but Rosalind was not having it.

So why didn't they break up with Ashley and Chris? For Lucy, it's easy to answer : she's feeling guilty and decides to make amends by punishing herself. But her heart is not in it. For Tim, I think it's all about the safety : why break things up if nothing is going to change? He's craving for a family (not necessarily the children, he almost seems to have given up on that). If Lucy is not interested, why not stay with Ashley. Is it fair? No. But I'm sure many of us have been there.

[serenxanthe]

After Ziost, a SWTOR Story

Part 2 (Chapters 4 - 5): In which Theron learns something disquieting during his obsessive efforts to get his job back.

Part 1 (Chapters 1 - 3) is here.

Chapter 4

Theron had been on Coruscant now for more than two months, and he still didn’t have his job back. He’d met with Trant several times, at Theron’s own insistence, but his position seemed to have gone from somewhat sympathetic exasperation to impatient dismissal.

Theron guessed he had more important things to worry about than the career of one of his more reckless agents. But Theron could help with those important things! If only the SIS would give him another chance.

This was all Saresh’s fault, like he’d told Seren. It was clearly Saresh blocking his reinstatement, using him as a convenient scapegoat to disguise her own catastrophically bad decision to deploy Republic forces to a world in the thrall of the Sith Emperor. Former Emperor he reluctantly acknowledged, thinking of Lana’s insistence on that.

Saresh had summoned him to her presence once, purely to berate him in public, not to hear him out. Theron had kept quiet and let her do so, acting entirely against his own nature; he didn’t want to burn any more bridges while there was still a chance he could get his damn job back. Satele and Jace had been there too, standing at either side of Saresh, looking on like… well, like disappointed parents. He knew they were in fact there in their capacity as Jedi Grandmaster and Supreme Commander respectively, but the fact that they were also his actual parents added to Theron’s humiliation.

That had been weeks ago, and he hadn’t spent time with anyone other than Jonas Balkar and an increasingly reluctant Director Trant since then. Theron was getting nowhere, and he knew he needed to change tack. He considered Jace and Satele. Which one was more influential with Saresh, and which one did he have the greatest chance of explaining himself to; bringing them round to his way of thinking?

Jace was probably the most likely to hear him out; he’d been pretty reckless himself as a young man. His own existence illustrated that point thought Theron, nobody sensible got entangled with a Jedi after all.

Theron’s mind drifted briefly to Seren, but he pushed the thoughts out of his mind firmly. He didn’t have time for any of that relationship stuff now, with his job on the line, and if he was honest with himself, he knew he had a worrying tendency to lose track of time in sentimental daydreaming once he let himself start thinking about her. 

Yes, Jace was the most likely to listen sympathetically, given his own nature, but maybe Satele was a better choice for that very reason. He knew Saresh respected her clear headed unemotional take on things. Maybe that damned maddening Jedi impassivity could be made to work in his favour for once, reasoned Theron.

Chapter 5

Sitting awkwardly on Satele’s luxurious sofa in her Coruscant apartment, Theron swallowed. He wasn’t sure where to begin. He took a sip of the tea he hadn’t felt it polite to refuse, and was reminded of Seren again. Again, he pushed her from his mind, he had to focus. “How’s Master Surro?” he asked, relieved that he’d remembered that he and Satele did have something in common. 

Satele’s expression softened slightly. Even as a spy practised in reading body language and facial expression, Theron doubted he would have spotted it if he hadn’t spent so much time with Seren. Not that she guarded her emotions like this when they were alone, but they so often weren’t that he’d had to get used to interpreting the slightest of changes in expression.

“Surro is improving by the day, Theron, thank you.” Satele hesitated then added with unaccustomed openness, “I’m not sure she’ll ever return to active frontline duty, but I hope that one day she’ll at least be content again, maybe even happy.”

Theron nodded, the guilt he’d been suppressing rearing its head again. 

Satele must have seen something in his face, because she added gently, “She made her own choices, Theron, she would have known the risks when she headed down to that planet.”

Theron nodded again, mechanically.

Satele sighed, “Not everyone is as resilient having been possessed by the Sith Emperor as Seren and Kira, Theron. I wonder if it’s because they were both born Sith, or whether that’s a complete coincidence.” 

That just made Theron feel even more guilty, if he’d asked Seren, Kira, and Scourge to help instead of the Sixth Line…

“How is Seren?” Satele suddenly asked him.

Theron frowned, he didn’t really know, but Satele definitely didn’t need to know that. “She’s fine.” He told her. “Do you mean after Ziost?” he clarified.

Satele nodded, “It must have been awful, to feel all that death at such close range. I felt it from here, a great wound in the Force…” she stopped herself and said, “Sorry Theron, Seren tells me you don’t like to talk about the Force.” 

Theron shook his head, demurring, trying not to mind too much that Seren had discussed his feelings about the Force with his mother. She’d obviously meant well.

Something else was nagging at him, and he thought about it. Why had Satele said ‘at such close range’? Seren had left Ziost at the same time he and Lana did, hadn’t she? Ashamed, Theron realised he hadn’t even thought about, let alone asked her about, her plans after the events at the People's Tower. He’d been so focussed on getting Surro and the other Masters to Tython. He concentrated on Satele again, she was still speaking.

“Thank the Force that Lord Scourge’s lightsabre hilt broke though.” Satele said, and Theron frowned at her in confusion. 

“I’d like to think it was the will of the Force that took them up to the space station for repairs,” Satele continued, “It’s strange how the most seemingly insignificant events can mean the difference between life and death. Maybe I’m just looking for meaning where there is none, but they'd been on the surface literally just a few minutes before the cataclysm happened…” Satele trailed away as she noticed Theron’s white face and look of horror. 

“Theron, I’m so sorry. This is the last thing you want to be reminded of I’m sure. I can’t imagine how you must have been feeling until Seren made it back to Carrick Station.” Satele patted his arm awkwardly, but Theron barely felt it.

She’d been on Ziost? On the surface itself mere minutes before every single person on the planet had been killed? How had he not known until now how close he’d come to losing her? He knew how. He hadn’t bothered to ask her whether she was leaving Ziost, just assumed; all his focus was on Surro, and his own overwhelming guilt. 

He thought back to seeing Seren in his former office on Carrick Station. She’d come running in, uncaring of her Jedi dignity and who was watching. Her face, the face he’d barely even looked at at the time, had been alive with some sort of emotion he realised now, her eyes wide as she fixed them on him. 

He… he hadn’t even hugged her in greeting, hadn’t even made the most superficial enquiries as to how she was. He hadn’t known how close she’d come to death, but that was no excuse; he hadn’t even shown the bare minimum of basic courtesy to his own girlfriend. Theron’s insides cramped with remorse.

What if… was she even still his girlfriend? He’d talked about Surro and his job, and she’d seemed sympathetic, she’d let him kiss her, but… she’d asked him to go for a drink with her to talk and he’d said no, hadn’t he? He couldn’t really remember the conversation properly, he hadn't been focussing at all. 

Had she said, “Maybe another time.” with a polite smile? That couldn’t be good could it? And that had been… two months ago? More? And he hadn’t contacted her, deliberately putting her from his mind so he could focus on getting his job back. She hadn’t contacted him either, obviously, but he could kinda understand why given how their last conversation had gone.

Satele watched the emotions play across her son’s face, but not having any idea how their conversation just now had exposed how little Theron knew about Seren’s life at present, and assuming he was just missing her, she said, “It must be hard, after all that, with Seren being away now in wild…”

“I’m not here to talk about Seren!” Theron interrupted her angrily. He took a deep breath straight away and said, “Sorry.” His apology was short but sincere, it was himself he was angry with not Satele after all. “I was hoping you could help me? Talk to Chancellor Saresh for me? About my job.” 

Satele looked at him, disappointed but not surprised that this was what he was here for. “Your reinstatement is in the hands of Marcus Trant, not Saresh.” she said evenly. Theron snorted in disbelief, and Satele sighed and relented. “All right, we both know that’s not quite true. But Theron, I’m probably not the best person to help you with getting on Saresh’s good side.” Theron frowned at her, surprise and scepticism on his face, and Satele continued, “She still doesn’t quite trust me after I formed the coalition with Marr on Yavin IV.”

Theron snorted again. “That just goes to show her lack of judgement doesn’t it? You acted for the good of the Republic, and the galaxy, not for the good of Saresh. The two things rarely, if ever, coincide from what I can see, despite Saresh’s propaganda.”

Satele was surprised, that was probably the most positive thing Theron had ever said about her. To her face anyway. Satele felt guilty for the jolt of happiness she felt at Theron’s usual spiky bitterness being directed at someone else for once, and in her favour no less! 

She put her hand on his forearm again, more confidently this time, and said, “You should try Jace, Theron. Privately, I know he’s sympathetic to your actions, and he’s currently in better favour with Saresh than I am.”

Theron thanked her, his tone polite if not quite warm, and after finishing the tea she’d made him, said his goodbyes. At least he’d arrived and left through the front door this time, Satele thought. Maybe they were making progress.

[bumirang]

wait rohans a waterbender? since when?????

Since I made it up? I dunno, I like the idea. I doubt they'll go that direction in canon (unless they HIRE ME to make some damn COMICS)

Rohan being an airbender is boring to me. It's totally expected, practically makes the kid a non-entity. It's much more interesting to make him something else and explore what that means for the family dynamic. That (likely) means non-bender or waterbender, though earthbender is a possibility since Pema's from the Earth Kingdom. I'm just going to assume that Katara wasn't bullshitting when she touched Pema's preggo belly in the very first episode and said the baby would be a bender. She just got the element wrong. It was a safe bet!

First off, it'd raise some questions about how bending is passed down. Based on what we've seen in canon, it's easy to assume that a bender only passes down their own element to their offspring, with it either manifesting or staying dormant, possibly for multiple generations. But what if it's more complicated than that? Tenzin may style himself as Mr. #1 Air Nomad, but his mother's element and culture are part of him, too, right? With the different nations intermarrying more than ever before, it creates the potential for any type of bending to pop up in any part of the world, which has many fun worldbuilding implications. It'd also make a lot of sense, considering how the new airbenders pop up the way they do. They may all have had airbenders somewhere in their ancestry, with that potential lying dormant for centuries or even millennia until it was finally activated by Harmonic Convergence. I know this isn't a groundbreaking fan theory, but whatever.

Anyway, back to Rohan.

The discovery that Rohan's a waterbender would be a surprise, maybe even a shock, and it'd give the Kataang clan a new point of conflict and introspection, particularly for Tenzin. He'd have to grapple with his kneejerk reaction being denial, followed by disappointment. Then comes the doubt...

Why does he suddenly feel more distant from Rohan? He reviews his own interactions with the boy, both before and after the discovery. Does he treat him differently now? Should he? Of course he doesn't love his son any less, but it changes their relationship, or seems like it must. Is it fair to bring him up like an Air Nomad, the way his siblings were raised? Would it be better to introduce him to more Water Tribe traditions? He realizes how little he valued his mother's culture compared to his father's. It's not that he doesn't care, but...

Is this how Aang felt about Bumi and Kya, before he was born? How did he come to terms with that? Did he feel this same ache? And knowing now how alienated Bumi and Kya felt from their Air Nomad heritage for so long, how can he stop himself from making the same mistakes? What does this mean for the future of his people? Can Rohan be an Air Nomad but not a member of the Air Nation? Is such a thing possible?

He sees himself reflected in his son's innocent, trusting eyes, his own expression one of confusion and fear. He's lost again. Nothing in his readings of Air Nomad wisdom or his memories of Aang tell him what he should do, and he's too ashamed to admit his conflicted feelings.

Finally, Tenzin's head explodes.

Plus, hey, it's a great excuse to bring Auntie Kya around for lots of fun waterbending lessons! Both she and Bumi get to say "toldja so" to Tenzin once he admits his struggle over his relationship with Rohan and what that made him finally truly understand about their childhoods, about what it meant for all three of them to be children of the last airbender.

Meanwhile, Rohan's just being this precocious kid—a lot like his sister Jinora—inventing whole new ways of bending water like it's no big deal, and all the adults are too tied up in knots to even notice. His siblings notice, though, and help him figure himself out. He's a true Cloudbaby, a perfect cinnamon roll.

In the end, they do work it all out, and the whole family is closer than ever before... until Meelo announces he's joining the United Forces and all hell breaks loose.

[lairofsentinel]

Dragon Age The Veilguard: Personal Expectations [mostly lore wise]

[SPOILERS AHEAD: I’ve been seeing all spoilers already and I will talk about them below. You are warned]

Posts of spoilers I’ve used: Here, Here and Here

This is just a set of ideas and questions I want to write to check and, maybe, answer later, once I played the game.

Podcast:

Not really good writing. I had my doubts in the beginning, thinking that I was being too critical, but Taash episode just proved me right: the authors know nothing about the lore, and the situations they write are so marvel-like, that just… this is not the narrative of Bioware, and it shows. Details in Dragon Age: Vows and Vengeance 1 and 2 and here. So the concepts that bothered me a lot like Drayden not being a Mage but still being able to listen to spirits can be easily put aside, because all what’s been seen in these podcasts is not even worth considering as part of the lore. Same as the aberration of Absolution, thank Epler for being clear about it.

Vallaslins

I already shared my disappointment with this here

The Crossroads

Since the begining I've been listening to Devs claim that the Lighthouse is in the Crossroads and therefore is in the Fade. And I'm very worried, because in DAI [and the Masked Empire] it was explained that the Crossroads is the "in-between", it's not the Fade, but it's close. And It's a place where the Evanuris cannot sense you, hence why Morrigan raised Kieran in the crossroad, staying hidden from Flemeth. This place also has terrible effects on non-elven people [details explained in the Masked Empire] but they were never truly translated into the game DAI; the only detail was that elves could see the Crossroads as a place with colour and blooming trees, while the rest of the races simply saw dried grey trees. The Fade and the Crossroad are different things, and now, suddenly are both the Fade. Disappointing.

Lucanis, possession and the demon-spirit lore:

Lucanis: Context and recognition

The start is odd with Lucanis in his rescue scene: he was captured and tortured for a year, and even if he was in a state of stasis [inside an ice?], and was tortured with magic and demons [as Tarohne does to Templars in DA2, Tarohne, the Fell Grimoire, and Xebenkeck] why he is wearing his armour and all his weapons? This breaks so much the logic, not even the lore.

The second problem I saw is that, any mage, no matter if it’s Neve or Rook, recognises him immediately as possessed. In our long list of possessed mages in DA lore, no one could be seen as such by other mage unless the abomination was manifested. The only exception was Flemeth when looking at Anders, and she remained cryptic anyways. But it was Flemeth after all, host of a fragment of an elvhenan "god". Hawke doesn’t see Anders and recognises the posession until it manifests as something out of control [Anders' enraging and Justice emerging as he speaks about the Templars]. There is no similar situation with Wynne [for her is more about a blast of unusual magic that brings questions into the group, but you spent already half a game with her without even suspecting she was possessed].

Lucanis appears to Rook in the middle of the combat with strange wings that can be easily product of some sort of magic. Rook and/or Neve can guess he is a mage, in any case, but not posessed immediately. In fact, mages who saw necromancers in DAI, following those colours, would think that Lucanis, maybe, is a sort of necromancer [purple wings = purple as the necomantic power colour in DAI, which now has been changed to green Fade-like colours :/, change of colour patterns I'm not very happy with]. This instant recognition that he is possessed, and not a mage, because he has purple wings feels a bit odd to me. His eyes are not even glowing in purple, which is something that more or less we agee has been a pattern in DA lore to shows us posession [even the possessed cat in Honnleath and Enchanter Wilhelm’s basement has them]. In fact, there is the Grim Anatomy text which is a cryptic book that seems to relate eyes and changes in the blood with possession. It's true that its reliability is questionable considering we don't even know its author, but the point here is: in DA lore, to recognise a non-deformed possession you need to see more radical changes than a magical effect that could be considered "odd magic".

Lucanis original ability to perceive magical cast

Lucanis abilitiy to sense magic is, and was always, a bit of a mystery to me. Since I read he had this ability in Tevinter Nights, without being a mage, made me think in 2 possibilities that we know exist in DA lore:

1 – Lucanis is a low mage, those mages that never cast magic but some small sparkle here and there. Without training, they are as dangerous as any other mage since they are easy prey for demons. Or so the Chantry says. The truth is, this piece of lore always came from Chantry-like sources and we never saw a mage of this condition deeply [we never had a companion as such]. The only cases we were told about was Trask’s daughter in DA2: a mage who was not able to cast magic very much, was kept hidden from the Circle, and ended up possessed when she was escaping Kirkwall and templars found her. And Alain [DA2], if I don't remember wrongly, who ended up learnign blood magic [stronger than this own].

2 – Lucanis was already possessed. Posession can be done with demons and spirtis, so far the lore showed us. It’s clear that possession by a demon makes things hard to control, there is a fight for the body, and in general, it’s hard to be efficient with one of those [we see the example of Anders, if we assume that, by the end of the game, Anders is possessed by Vengeance instead of Justice]. Possession of a spirit depends a lot if you keep feeding the spirit what they embodies: in Anders possession, the twisting of Justice into Revenge comes from the fact that Anders never could perform Justice acts in the world he was living without putting himself at risk. Hence, he did not feed the purpose of Justice, and slowly, the spirit, perverted in its purpose, changed into Vengeance [all this is explained by Solas very detailed and compiled in Solas sharing Lore: Part 1]. Other examples of possession via demons are Mihris [by Imshael in the book The Masked Empire] and Pharamond [in the book Asunder]. When it comes to posession by spirits, things seem easier: Wynne's spirit was always under control and always helped her to the very end; she always kept feeding it by having faith in the Chantry, the Maker, and in the Circles. So, if Lucanis was possessed long time ago, it would be more likely to be a spirit than a demon, since he seems to be under control of it.

This idea brings the question: what kind of spirit can be constantly fed by a Crow? This list can go wild and I wont go into details, but for example, a Perseverance spirit [we saw one in DAI, in the Hissing Wastes: Perseverance and A journal on Dwarven Ruins] with how dedicated to his work Lucanis is, could find fulfilment. Not all spirits are about good, positive emotions, some are simply neutral and can fit a Crow lifestyle. Then again, it can be any other logical spirit, since we know there is not an “official” list of them in the lore. The point is, as long as you feed the spirit’s purpose, the spirit remains strong and uncorrupted, and having this kind of pact, would explain Lucanis’ curious ability to perceive magic being cast. However, lore wise, we know that Spirits do not tend to possess people, they prefer to stay away from the mortal world, and only very few are interested in it, they require some personality, so the crossing of the worlds doesn’t twist them [All this is Solas’ explanations in the previous post]. So far in DA lore, the spirit possessions we know with more or less some degree of detail are Wynne, Flemeth, Anders in the beginning or maybe Kristoph [although that was a possession of a corpse], and Sigrid Gulsdotten [Frostback Basin [DLC]: Stone-Bear Hold Avvars - Part 1]

However, aside from all this Spirit-related lore, we have the implicit info that all these hosts were mages. And here is where this second hypothesis [that Lucanis was already posesed by a spirit] feels wrong: it means he should have been a mage in the first place, again.

It’s also true that Tarohne [Tarohne, the Fell Grimoire, and Xebenkeck] told us that it is possible to force a demon to possess anyone [mage or not], we are hinted that they may force the approach of the person with the demon, but in the end, there should be an agreement between the host and the demon. No soul can be forced upon the unwilling, as Flemeth said [someone who I believe is a trustworthy source of info, along with Solas].

There is also a third possibility to explain Lucanis strange ability without being a mage, but the conditions for it to happen are even more complicated than the previous 2 hypothesis. We know about the process that grants Seekers of the Truth a unique power and immunity to blood magic: every seeker is made tranquil for a year and recovered from that state when a Faith spirit touches them. They end up with a unique ability: we only know 2 seekers in the lore that explained their ability; Lambert who could sense spirits and demons, and Cassandra who could boil the lyrium in the blood of a person. But for Lucanis to have this ability, it would mean he was made tranquil first and recovered later, and even if this ridiculous hypothesis holds some sense it's debunked by the fact that he is not immune to Blood magic as he should be, since he claims he needs to recover his blood vial to avoid being controlled. So… this option is extremely unlikely.

So, in conclusion, Lucanis should have been, at some low degree at least, a mage to justify his ability. Or he should have been possessed and de-posssessed at young age with some obscure ritual. We will see what the game tells us.

Possession through forced experimentation:

What we know now is that Lucanis is possessed, and as far as the spoilers go, we learn that this new case of possession was a Venatori experiment. In this case, it makes sense to expand the lore we have with something that justifies it. Experimentation is always a good narrative resource to let anomalous things happen given an established lore. In DAI we knew already that Venatori were experimenting with demon-binding processes [the Grey Warden’s demon army, Orlais, Western Approach: Adamant Fortress, and several experiments like the one we find in Hissing Wastes: Venatori main camp]. All these expeimental cases of bindings were done exclusively with mages, while non-mage people were used as blood sacrifice for the process. So, again, we have the reinforcement that bindings and posessions need to be done, mostly, with mages.

This is not the first time we have a given lore expanded with the resource of “experimentation”. We had the same with Avernus in the DLC: Soldier’s Peak, in which we learnt more about the Blight and the unique Blight Magic, magic that later in DAI we knew it was the magic that the Magister Sidereal embraced when they reached the Black City [read Corypheus’ memories in Orlais: Shrine of Dumat].

So, if Lucanis ends up being a non-mage character who was bind to a demon or a twisted spirit via experimentation, it doesn’t look like a break in the lore. However, in that case, I would still question how is possible for a non-mage to perceive the magic being cast if he was not bound to a spirit before. Because for that to happen, you basically need to be a mage. As it can be seen, it’s a cycle of questions in which all point out that Lucanis should be a mage, at least a low one, for them to be in-lore. I hope these questions are well answered in the game, without breaking the lore.

Spite, spirit tortured and twisted into demon:

Another curious thing that we didn’t see before in the lore is that this demon is not inside Lucanis. It’s like a pet. In a way, it resembles a lot to the binding process of the demons that the Grey Wardens performed in Adamant Fortress, in DAI. But in that case, the demons break into the Waking World having their Shade shape or their Rage form. People can see them. The lore says that these spirits have this particular shape when entering the waking wold without possessing a person. So, that Spite looks like Lucanis, instead of a Shade, and nobody but him can see it…. feels extremely odd and lore-breaking to me. Because the process of this bind/possession is very anomalous and comes from an experiment, I’m open to some odd explanation about this… but I’m quite sceptical.

All the spoiler about “Spite is what Lucanis sees in himself” [source] could be a very far-stretched concept of “spirits reflect what you want them to reflect”. But that’s a law that applies in the Fade, not in the Waking World. That’s the whole point why spirits get mad and confused in the Waking World. They can’t reflect, they can’t change the world. So all that situation makes me be quite critical.

Every possessed mage we have seen in DA lore was one with the spirit. Since Wynne, to Anders, to Flemeth, to Marethari. Cole is not a possessed entity, but a materialized spirit, so I am not counting him on this. We also had 2 anomalous possessions: Connor and Pharamond, where the "demon remained in the Fade". The only time we saw a different kind of “possession” was not a possession but a binding process with the Grey Wardens, which was what Tarohne told us about: The ancient Teviner could bind demons and make them work for them. Corypheus knew of this process and it was what he gave to the Grey Wardens in DAI. At least in these spoilers, they respected the fact that binding processes are all related to blood magic, as we saw in every single situation of binding processes in DAI, DA2, and DAO.

In DA lore we have spirits that lived inside hosts helping them, without changing [Wynne], as well as spirits that were not fed in their purpose and became demons [Anders]. I’m expecting a bit of a change of this dynamics. With Cole [in Asunder, as well in DAI] we were told that he walked the path of becoming a demon, and had to fulfill and keep strong in compassion purpose to remain a spirit. He made a journey. This also was seen in Solas’ personal quest, when we recover the Pride demon bound by a group of mages into the Wisdom spirit that simply dies (?) [I never understood why, I suppose it was just a narrative choice]. What we never saw was that this process can happen with a host [or a bound host in this case?]. I think the spoilers we had access to give a nice room for that option:

Rook: Were they torturing demons? How? Why? Lucanis: They didn’t all start out as demons. Zara made sure they ended up that way.

To me, this is telling us that the Venatori, with the Fade thin, found a way to attract spirits [who are usually not interested in the Waking World], capture them, torture them, and twist them into demons to use them for further binds [they learnt the process with Corypheus 10 years ago, after all]. We know via Solas that this is not a difficult process: just force spirits to do a purpose they don’t have and they will turn into demons. So my first guess is that Spite was not really a demon, not in the beginning. He was just twisted into one, and this process may have happened a year ago, so there is some hope in regression if fed with his original purpose, which could be along the lines of benevolence or generosity.

We also see that Spite can harm Lucanis, which is unusual for a possession, but then again, this is not the regular possession we saw in books and games. This is the result of an innovative experimentation.

It’s also curious, as Neve highlights in the scene of Lucanis in front of the fire, that Spite needs to have permission from Lucanis to manifest? Take his body and make presence? Spite doesn’t simply take control over him, as we saw that Justice could do with Anders sometimes, or how all demons end up doing to their hosts. Only spirits remain passive, calm, in the background, letting their hosts to take the decisions. In that regard, Spite seems closer to a spirit than a demon.

As we can see, Spite has unique characteristics for a spirit and/or demon in a bind/possession process. I hope further explanation in the game holds the lore well.

Very unpopular opinion: classes and races in factions

First, I'm pretty disappointed with the generic background of the Rook. I agree with the second part of it, which is a reflection of Solas: a person who had to disobey orders to protect people and do the right thing, but compromising the mission/faction, so they had to go low profile for a while. That's okay, and I see the narrative sense of it: if the Inquisitor was a reflection of the Title/Tale of Fen'harel [the title that Solas did not want to, as the inquisitor did not want to be the "Herald of Andraste", and had to deal with the corruption of the organization as it grew], the Rook will be the reflection of the person before the Title, the rebel that started all. So I don't mind about it. I find Solas a complex, interesting character worth exploring in parrallels that your own character walks, it's a very Bioware way of explaining and understanding the motivations of a grey character. What I don't like is the first half of most backgrounds: they are all the same, barely flavoured with the faction. Why? Because they need to feet all races, even in factions where that race makes no sense.

And that's my big criticism. Some classes and races make no sense in the faction lore, even if all Rooks have the same background of being orphan who was taken by the order/faction you want to play. This feels such a break in-lore point for me. I would have prefered restricted origins like DAO, but a lot more alive, belivable, and diverse backgrounds.

Lords of the Fortune are absolutely ok with all classes and races. I see no problem here, and personally, makes sense that Taash belongs to this faction, because Qunari in the other factions make a lot less sense or seem to be a bit lore-break. And I say this loving to play qunari, and I love this race, but I don't think it makes sense in the current context. Especially NOT now that everyone is stressed with the Qunari invasion all over the north of Thedas. And I don't trust any company spending extra resources to make a whole game more reactive to one single race because of this [the only way to make it more lore-suitable].

Grey Wardens are alright to be open to all classes and races. I have my concers with the Qunari again: Qunari, as it was hinted in DAI, may have been a crafted race that come from Dragons. And Dragons are resistant to the Blight naturally [also said in DAI]. Why we never saw qunari wardens since due to their natural biology have bigger chances to reach their Calling a lot later? For these mixtured of races and factions to happen we need to see them previouslyle in NPCs, so they are more belivable and not something that comes out of the blue in one game.

Mourn Watchers is one of the most restrictive, more regional, more closed faction of all: We are talking about mostly mages of Nevarra, not from any other country, that specialise in the limit that the Chantry accepts [the mortalitasi school], and that meddles strongly in the politics of Nevarra and its royalty. This is a human exclusive faction, with some small room for elves and dwarves. I can't see under no circunstance a Tal-Vashoth or a Qunari around this faction. It makes no sense. Who would have left a qunari baby [when the Qun wastes nothing or the Tal-Vashoth simply take care of their free children] in the middle of the Necropolis? Even if they took care of the child, external pressures would have never allowed a "problematic" qunari [remember that qunari are the "savages" in Thedas PoV] to be part of the Order and potentially meddle in the politics of the country? Nonsense.

Shadow Dragons have the same problem that Mourn Watchers, they are very regional, they are trying to push and change Tevinter into a better, fairer country. All classes make sense, this is Tevinter, so Mages are not in a similar compromised position than in the south of Thedas. Now, when it comes to races: Humans, dwarves, and elves seem to be the natural choices: all of them are citizen of the country, with or without the slave condition. But Qunari? I find a big problem here. First, why a Qunari would find purpose in this faction? Maybe a Tal-Vashoth? But even if that's the case, the immense difficulty I see is how a Qunari can walk easily in Tevinter. You need a game that has a unique reactivity system for only Qunari. We are talking about Tevinter, a paranoid country that has been sustaining a War against the Qunari for decades. They know about the Ben-Hassrath, the intelligence and spy-system they have. They know that they already have problem with the conversed Qunari that are not "qunari" in race. How a qunari can be allowed to walk in Tevinter easily without rising suspicion that they are an agent? Even Tal-Vashoth will fall into this suspicion, wether they like it or not. This was one of the most annoying lore-breaks in Absolution for me. The guards of Tevinter beign more worried about an elf [??] than a big ass Qunari [their main enemy for the last decades]. Again, forcing Qunari in this context works so much against the lore.

Veil Jumpers, so far we saw in the comics, allow all races and classes, and that feels alright. Their goal is to make places with thin veil safe again, as well as explore and discover elvhenan knowledge and tech that Tevinter did not prey on already. Again, I find the Qunari the most weird race in here. Tal-Vashoth maybe are a more fitting qunari for this faction. A qunari of the Qun has no place in here, when you remember how much they fear magic and elvhenan ruins.

Crows suffer the same specificity than Mourn Watchers and Shadow Dragons: they are a unique group from Antiva that deals with Antiva politics [and can reach all over Thedas] and are placed beside Rivain, a country who was already invaded by the Qun and now is a mixture of pagan religion, Qun, and Chantry. Since DAO we know that Crows are populated with humans and elves, being the elves more related to seduction tasks due to their appealing beauty in Thedas. We never heard anything about dwarven Crows. They feel very funny if you think they need to be all about grace and sneakiness. But we have a very efficient scout in Harding, so we can accept that dwarves can be sneaky and can contribute in the Crow as engineers providing traps and weapons of unique constructions. Now, qunari Crows make no sense. Again, we have the problem that Quanri are perceived as a danger all over Thedas. How would a Qunari Crow exist in an organization that meddles so much in politics all across Thedas? you could say the same of the conversed Qunari, but the whole point is that they are meddling with the politics of Thedas and gathering information while nobody suspects them. A qunari walking in Crow attire is just a big, giant red alarm. You need a game that has a reactivity system very particular only for Qunari.

The crows, in my opinion, don't only have the issue of the race, but the class. Antiva is under the Chantry teachings, they are Andrastians, and even though Zevran told us that some mages, specially the ones related to nobility, seem to have a good amount of privileges and licencies and freedoms [pretty much like the court mages in the White Spire], there is a Circle in Antiva where mages are gathered and contained. You don't have mages among the Crows. We never had one in all these previous games, not even in codices or anecdotes. Mages are seen in Antiva pretty much as the South of Thedas. The only "crow mage" that has ever appeared in the literature is one during the 4th Blight, who performed blood magic, in an unreliable book [The Last Flight, written by a non-bioware author], and even in that book this mage explicitly says that he is alright because there is Blight destroying Antiva, but as soon as the Blight ends, all the mages will be grabbed and jailed in the Circle tower, and he wants to avoid that fate. Again, a mage Crow makes so little sense. Maybe things changed after the revolution ignited in Kirkwall? I don't know. I only hope they are justifying this excess of freedom that breaks so much the lore.

They could have refined each faction, limited in races and classes to make sense, as DAO did. It is a bummer? yes, sometimes you just want to play a class and a faction without giving a shit about lore, and I support that freedom as long as it's only given to the player. So I hope they allow certain level of "speshulness" to the rook, to justify these things if the player wants to play without following the lore, but I also hope they were careful not to ruin the game for ppl who has been following the lore since DAO, so we dont start finding NPCs that are Saarebas Crows, or Qunari Mourn Watchers. I fear this. I don't want NPCs that have the freedom that Rook has in factions, race and class. I hope they only give this freedom to the player, but remain strict to the lore when it comes to NPCs.

Irrelevant Choices

I'm not going to go deep into this, but... yes, that three previous games with world breaking lore choices are ignored just because we are now placed in the North of Thedas is a big disappointment and a bad justification for a team who doesn't know the World in which they are working on. This only adds to what the team showed in that video where nobody knew who was Zevran. The people doing this game has no idea that they are working with a Faction [the Crows] where one of the members [Zevran] not only abandoned the faction with life, but returned to kill the main figures of the Arainai house. That your choice of leaving him alive or no produces a scar in the faction has nothign to do with Antiva being located in the North of Thedas. In DAO you also could pick a world-wide choice related to the Blight Magic: if you allow Avernus to continue his experiments, he will send mails of his results to Weisshaupt. This choice is again taken into consideration in DA2, where you find a dead messeger with Avernus' mail, and you can decide to let the messsage reach Weisshaupt or not.

In DAO we also have the far-reaching consequences of letting alive the Disciples and the Architect, darkspawn free from the song. We can argue that considering the abilities we saw in Corypheus, kiling the Architect would mean nothing, since he must have jumped to another bligthed creature. Fair.

All the Mage-Templar politics of Kirkwall in DA2 is key to shape the world of Thedas, and it's so mayor that, again, it doesn't matter if we are in the North: Antiva and Rivain have circle towers. Rivain is a more complicated cultural mixture, since they have their possessed seers, and Qun belief as well as Chantry teachings, but Antiva is under the power of the Chantry. The way mages will be seen in the Circle of Antiva will be affected by these choices in DA2. You also have Feynriel quest, where an elf-blooded human, with dreamer powers, can be sent to Tevinter to continue his studies. This is a consequence in the North too that can be major: nowadays there are barely somniari/dreamer mages, and they are incredibly powerful and dangerous in the Fade.

In DAI you have, again, choices upon the Grey Warden [if you leave Stout in the Fade, the Wardens end up in a disarray organisation], or who drank from the Well of Sorrows [although we can argue that the voices of the Well disappear in the moment Flemeth is killed, there are some hints pointing us out to that conclusion]. Still, there are a lot of War Table missions that will have an impact in the North whether you do them or not. Draconology quest series is one of the most impactful ones in the lore: you discover that dragons are resistant to the Blight. This information doesn't matter if you are in the North or the South of Thedas.

Again... a big disappointment.

[reasonandfaithinharmony]

Weekend WIP Game

Thank you for tagging me, @rmd-writes and @thisbuildinghasfeelings!

I know I am very late to this, but it is still technically the weekend here in the Pacific time zone, so here we go. I'll be using the questions for Artists/GIF makers. (There are also questions for writers in @welcometololaland's original post!)

Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only work on one project at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more).

1. WIP List:

I am so afraid to see these all written out in a way where I can count them. [deep breath] This is a rather mixed-up list of gif sets for 911 Lone Star, Schitt's Creek, and The X-Files. Also, since they're gif sets, they don't really have titles, just nicknames:

husbands fancy dinner lizard arc kisses quotes of devotion come rain or come shine spin instructors flashbacks yes way meet the parents until i'm okay, too pile of good things best man wedding attire tk stays capable and decent unspectacular things endless act of being loved gravity of hearts simply the best reassuring head kisses he's a jungle cat wedding behind the scenes soft light/tooms/squeeze hope is messy iris/tk arc you are good and i love you

2. Which WIP is your most complex?

Oh gosh. Anything that involves coloring of more than one scene, really. That's what slows me down. And pretty much all of these fall into that category. Which is a big part of why they're not done yet.

3. Do any of your WIPs involve you using a technique/style that you haven't used before? What inspired you to try it?

Um. Possibly? I'm not far enough along to know for sure, but I think a couple of them might involve trying out a new text treatment.

4. Which WIP do you expect will take you the longest?

I am historically a very bad judge of this. Lol. There are plenty of potential obstacles in that list. I'm afraid to jinx it/make things worse by saying anything specific.

5. Which WIP are you finding the most enjoyable to create?

The "lizard arc" set has been very enjoyable to play with. And I suspect that "he's a jungle cat" will be very fun to eventually get back to.

6. Do you have a favourite character to draw/stitch/paint/depict? Are they in many of your WIP projects?

Hmmm. Not really. I mean, I certainly tend to focus on my favorite ships, but I can't really pick a favorite from that group.

7. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?

All of them. Because I am self-taught and constantly second guessing absolutely everything.

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of creator's block?

I suppose so. Although It's more lack of energy or just… utter frustration that results in a WIP getting a time out.

9. Do any of your WIPs contain characters outside the main ship? How are you finding creating those?

Yeah, definitely. There are a couple on that list that focus on other relationships.

10. What emotions are you hoping to convey through your WIPs?

It varies. Some are angsty. Some are meant to be funny. But I think, in general, they are all trying to convey love.

11. Are there any features/details you are finding challenging in your WIPs?

[gestures wildly at the lighting teams on every show, thwarting my best efforts to see what's going on]

12. Which WIP has the most complex shading/colouring?

Don't know yet. All of them. Lol. I can tell you that the "fancy dinner" set has been in time out for months now. Because of lighting and coloring.

13. Which WIP has the most complex background?

Not sure this one applies to me.

14. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for?

Oh, I really don't know. My opinions here change all the time.

15. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

I normally do not remember my dreams. But very recently, I dreamt that I had finished one of those sets. I was very disappointed to wake up and realize it wasn't true.

16. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other art doesn't?

Hmm, I don't think so.

17. Are any of your WIPs commissions?

No, but some of them are friendly requests or things that came about from chatting here on tumblr.

18. Do you have a character that is more difficult to draw/stitch/paint/depict? Are they in many of your WIP projects?

I'm going to go with Patrick Brewer. That boy's face just… goes nuclear bright whenever I try to brighten a scene overall. There are a lot of rather pale characters on that show, but they take pretty well to coloring/brightening. He does not.

19. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.

Um. Some items have been on that list for years. They're not abandoned, I promise. I am just not in charge of the creative process.

Since it is barely the weekend for me anymore (and no longer the weekend for many of you), please consider this an open tag!! If you'd like to play along, go for it. Even if the weekend has passed you by.

[apocketfullofpoesis]

Book review: The Silent Patient

[SPOILER ALERT ⚠️]

Rating: 2/5

Before y'all start coming at me, bear with me: I know for a fact that it was a debut novel so trust me when I say, I've been very considerate in giving this review :)

1. If I didn't know Alex was a screenwriter, I'd do away with my disappointment. I understand it was a debut novel. I am a writer too and I understand. I've read the debut works of a lot of authors WHO DID NOT HAVE A BACKGROUND in the field of writing like Alex. His writing style (at least in this work) is rushed, there's a feeling of emergency - maybe it was intended to set the tone of the story - but it merely came at me like he wanted to do away with the book, just finish it somehow. I wrote my debut book when I was 17 and it's been 2-2.5 years in my self-doubt and low-esteem that I still keep going back to keep editing and drafting it. So I'm being brutally honest when i say the second draft of my debut work >>>>>>>> the final draft of the silent patient. i thought I was being a bitch but trust me guys, I am being thoroughly honest. you'll see when my book comes out (hopefully before I die). The only good thing I learnt after reading this book is a new sense of confidence and leap of faith in my own writing style, especially being an Indian writer writing about an American setting.

2. Diving deeper into the narrative, which, according to me lacked depth. This semester, I studied about Longinus, the Graeco-Roman critic, who is known for his famous critical treatise, On the Sublime or Peri Hupsous - which basically advocates the importance of the quality of sublimity in a text that makes it special, elevating the readers out of their own self and transporting their imagination to unimaginable worlds. I could go into detail but luckily, someone has already explained it in a better way here . For me, the silent patient lacks sublimity and not just a bit, but in such an amount that it can't be avoided, it keeps poking at you until you give up the benefit of the doubt and accept the truth. There is no development whatsoever regarding the narration of the environment, the characters in depth, and also the one thing the writer must've focused on, he carelessly attended it as well: Ironically, the book is pivoted around the world of psychology and all things synonymous - or at least the writer has forced so - and even then, he did little to elaborate the internal reveries of the major characters, let alone the minor ones. The conversations were rushed, there was no description of contemplation before the characters arrived at a conclusion and so many more flaws that I can keep counting and my fingers would run short.

3. The writer introduced some characters, who provided absolutely no aid to the storyline or the development of the plot - if there was any. He could've either used them in a much more refined way or just shouldn't have even introduced them in the first place. Jean-Felix's existence is beyond me. Also, why did he tell Alicia that she trusts everyone around her so easily - what was the point of that? This statement piqued my interest in Jean-Felix and right after that the writer disappointed me yet again. Kathy's character was yet again wasted. I also don't understand the poor character development of Max. THIS GUY LITERALLY ASSAULTED HIS SIS-IN-LAW AND NEVER ONCE CAME TO SEE HER AT THE GROVE AND NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN HE'S EMOTIONAL TOWARDS THE END??? LIKE??? I felt like I skipped 20 odd chapters because clearly there's a lack of something so crucial for the sudden change of Max's heart. Or the writer went lazy with his character arc and wasted yet another foil.

4. Alex is part Cypriot and I respect that. I am a sucker for Greek mythologies and trust me when I read the word "Alcestis" for the first time in the book, I immediately became pumped up to finish it. Unfortunately that's all it was. A bait. I think, and no offense, that the writer kept boasting his love for Greek mythologies, throughout the pages. I had better expectations from Diomedes' character but yet again, I think he was wasted. Even though Theo wasn't Greek, he seemed to have a lot of knowledge and interest in it so I think if the writer intended to hint at his honour and love for the mythologies, he should've made Theo Greek/part-Greek? I feel like he could've mingled references of the Greek culture in a better way and not just occasionally hitting with one every now and then when you're engrossed in the story. Idk, this one's a personal reverie though (Please don't cancel me).

5. Coming to the story. I was into 100-150 pages when I got bored. I consulted it with my friends, who had extra hyped this book to me and because of whom I got hold of it. I told them how the noob writing style is really pissing me off and till then, no special development had ignited. But they told me that the climax is really worth it and so I kept reading. I was hopeful that I'll get something. But the climax was not at all original. If you've watched the Netflix series You, you could've already guessed the ending by the fourth part of the book and if you're a sucker for Joe Goldberg's ways, like me, your guess of the ending would've been much sooner and better than the real ending. I was hoping till last that the writer must've done something with Max or Jean-Felix or even Diomedes himself - wouldn't that be cathartic? But no. There's something royally wrong with Theo, granted, but if he was the culprit all along, the writer must've shaped his character in a better, more refined way. Not everyone can be Joe Goldberg. LIKE I DONT UNDERSTAND - HE KNEW IT WAS HIM ALL ALONG WHY TF WAS HE TREATING ALICIA LIKE FOR WHAT WAS HE HELL BENT ON HER FINALLY SPEAKING UP?? SOMEBODY EXPLAIN PLS.

In conclusion, the story was a whole lot of nothing and I gave two stars because the book cost me 160 bucks + i liked the reference of Alcestis. This is my personal opinion and I don't intend to offend anyone who has a different opinion than me, okay? Good kids x.

[lovecolibri]

Longtime 911 fandom lurker here. I love your takes and agree with, like, 99% of them but especially the ones regarding the issues since You Know Who took over as showrunner. Sorry for the loooong message incoming but my head has been spinning over something and am curious what you think!

I'll admit that I lost most of my hope that we'd ever see canon Buddie because of things that You Know Who said in interviews, as well as how Buck and Eddie were so distant in 6A. Well, recent episodes, a few BTS snippets and some interviews have me somewhat hopeful again. And let me tell you, Andrew Meyers, who I always perceived as an original Buddie supporter, writing the finale?? For the first time all season, I now think that *something* could happen.

I've seen many caution that we shouldn't expect to see anything happen with Buddie anytime soon, mainly because there has been no real build-up to "explain" the changing feelings but also because other characters have potentially big stories brewing. And I get that, I do. But then I think about how Bobby and Athena quite literally came out of nowhere and zoomed to marriage rather quickly (and this is not dissing them, I l-o-v-e them, but it's how it happened). Similarly, Maddie and Chim's relationship went through the ringer, but we've missed so much of it (for example, break-up off-screen and then they were back together very quickly without us seeing any counseling etc.) Then, of course, Hen and Karen went SIX seasons without proper backstory.

What I'm trying to say is that 9-1-1 has never really been consistent as far as showing deep, sold relationship development. This isn't to say that they can't write good relationships; they definitely can! And in the case of Buddie, you can view things through the years as metaphors and foreshadowing and hints and so forth. But, I think that certain people expect the show to spoonfeed the audience about Buddie, or do some in depth sexuality exploration storyline, and I'm kind of doubtful. To counter the, "Well, they HAVE to explain to the GA how these STRAIGHT men are no longer STRAIGHT!" I could see them waving it away with a, "The actors have such great chemistry, and just like in real life, sometimes you fall in love with a person you don't expect to." And while I adore many things about the show, when they have to juggle schedules, we know that some (*cough*Buck*cough*) end up getting more airtime then others. I do kind of worry that many fans will be disappointed and complain about getting canon Buddie if it unfolds quickly, even though that's really par for the course.

Of course, I could be totally wrong in thinking that anything is going to happen, hahaha, but what are YOUR thoughts? Is it possible that they kind of roll out Buddie in a...not casual but not super obvious big way that many seem to expect? Knowing that the actors' contracts expire after next season and that the show won't go on forever, I could honestly kind of see them just going with it 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you are a longtime lurker I hope you are aware that I'm truly terrible and answering asks! 😬😬😬 It's the executive dysfunction! 🙃 I'm sorry it took so long to get to this. It WILL happen again.

Thanks for coming here and sending this long ask and sharing your thoughts! I think Madney is one of the best buildups they've done on the show and I didn't think it moved TOO fast because right when they started is when Doug came back in the later part of s2 and they took a step back at that point. Of course I've had issues with their story since JLH left on maternity leave and they decided to cut Chim out of the show rather than show things from his POV and being loved and supported by the firefam and he and Buck working things out because they were brothers before Maddie ever came around. Plus, after Boston it has felt like 90% of their stuff happens off screen and I hate that! I want to see the deep and hard conversations! But KR struggles (by her own admission) with arc planning, and coming up with plots, and episode pacing and it REALLY shows in the difference with how Madney used to be to how they are handled now. Yes they have less time with JLH but that just means every second you have her should COUNT and yet instead of having her there for important things like being the one on the call when Chim gets abducted to hit those emotional beats she's just...not.

As for Budde, honestly, I could live with a 3rd party confession this season though I'm a little leery of that for several reasons.

The season break gives them time to backtrack when all the homophobes inevitably come crawling out of the woodwork

I am holding out hope that over the season break the show will choose to bring someone new on or Tim will come back because I don't trust KR to tell their story (or anyone's stories honestly) and i want to see things happen on screen. I have my issues with Tim too, but he always had a really good ebb and flow to the episodes and arcs and things didn't drag out but also weren't started and wrapped up in a single episode never to come up or affect anything ever again. (Honestly I think that issue on LS is more about the show having to cater to RL and working everything around what they have to do for Owen)

A lot of the fun of seeing these relationships on TV is the build up! The pining! And I think Buck and Eddie and their love story deserve that, plus it could easily involve lots of fun stuff from the firefam! We could get one of them letting it slip in front of Chim and him struggling with the secret, and the other telling Hen and them ending up as the spiderman pointing meme when they figure out what the other knows. We could get confirmation of the betting pool the 118 has on Buddie, we could get Ravi being SOOO confused because he thought they had been together before and were separated. Like, there is so much FUN they could have with it along with all the Buddie scenes themselves and I think they deserve the time to explore all that.

As for a sexuality awakening/crises storyline I don't think we will really get one, even though it would be nice to see and easily something that they could work in since we know Eddie is in therapy. I personally could live with it just coming up in a conversation between Eddie and Buck or even someone in the firefam. I would LOVE a scene with Eddie and Hen about it actually but I would also accept Bobby in a father/son talk or even Ramon if they want to show him putting in the work to support his son when it's not as easy as offering parenting advice about Chris. If they wanted to do it more lighthearted I could also see it being a scene with Chim and that kicking off the "Chim has a secret to keep and it's killing him but he's gonna do his best to keep it" thing. If we were actually SUPER lucky we could get the 3rd party confession being with Maddie and Eddie, but the time to do that would have been 6x11 but the show couldn't be bothered because they were too busy wedging the Buckley parents into everything and cutting Eddie out of the episode as much as possible 🙃

I think every relationship OG has had has been a little differently told because each of the couples and stories are different and I like that! Bobby and Athena are adults who know what they want and go after it because they both know time can run out when you least expect it. Bobby especially saying she made him feel like he was finally on solid ground was not just adorable but a great peek into how solid their relationship was from the jump. Maddie was skittish and needed time to be by herself and figure herself out but she also needed to see what it was like to have a best friend and fall in love with them because Doug was NEVER her friend. And honestly after seeing Chim and Tatiana, he needed to spend time just being friends with her too and I love how their story unfolded. Hen and Karen start out already married with a kid so we got to see them navigating current struggles together which has been great, but I love that we got a flashback and got to see the start of their relationship even though it wasn't necessarily NEEDED, it was WANTED and one episode was able to show us so much. So I think Buddie also deserve to have something that fits their relationship and as much as I would LOVE a big dramatic scene, I think after some pining and build up with the firefam getting to have some fun shenanigans, that they will fall into this like they do everything together-easy as breathing.

[mhsargent]

48

This one is a bit rambly, disjointed, and self-indulgent.  Feel free not to read.  Really. 

48 = 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 3 = 2^4 x 3^1. 

I’ve survived another lap around the sun.  This last one was a far nearer thing than I am (yet) comfortable talking about, but I find myself starting my 49th lap grateful to still be here.

As some of you know, (and for the rest, I am telling you now) I have been in an on-going state of chronic migraine for the last 9 ½ years.  There have been more intense and less intense stretches over those years, but this last 9 months has been about the worst I have ever experienced.   A little over 4 weeks ago, after starting on a new medication, I started to experience notable and significant improvements.  It was only then that I really became aware of how badly off I’ve been since October of last year.  (Spoiler: it was bad, y’all.)

As I come back to the world, I am grateful to still be experiencing life.  I appreciate the ability to listen to music and to participate in conversation.  I am happy to be able to wash dishes and reply to email. I am collecting little moments of simple joy to balance the frustration at not being able to do more.  

And so, as I try to set a sustainable pace for this next lap, I am making efforts to spend more time resting and healing for the sake of rest and health rather than as preparation for greater and renewed  productivity. I have been learning (the hard way) that how I want to value things and how I actually value things do not always match when it comes to my own behaviour.  If I believe (and I do) that every person is inherently valuable, then I must believe that of myself as well (I don’t I’m working on it.) Consequently, I must watch how much I justify my value to myself by tying it to my work, or lack of it.    

I am putting a priority on writing. 

One of the first things that I did when I discovered I had a brain again was to complete a number of outstanding edits on a paper, brainstorm and flush out a new paper, and, surprising myself, the first notes for a book, which is part of a short series of books, also sprang out of my fingertips onto the page before I had to stop myself from overdoing it (I was too late.)

This was a clear indication to me that writing, something I have done little of outside of academics for the past 25 years, is still very important to me.  I have written or edited for at least 10 minutes (often longer) almost every day for the past couple of weeks.  I had forgotten how much I love the act of putting words down on paper.  Sometimes they’re good words, sometimes they are awful and cliched.  But, what I think I enjoy most about them all is that they are, for the brief period of time, my words.  And, until I share them with the world, the consequences of these words are only mine.  We can spend time together, change, invert, fight, love, and come to rest - all without any consequence or responsibility to anyone else.  A tempting place to get lost in, without a doubt, but also a place where I can rest and heal and play.  So, more writing of all sorts - academic, personal, fictitious, and frivolous!

Carol Anne’s and my 23rd wedding anniversary is only a couple of weeks away.  We were engaged for a little over 2 years before that, meaning that we have well completed our first quarter century together.  I am more in love with my wife now than when we got married. I love the marriage we’ve made together.  Despite all the challenges, difficulties, struggles, frustrations, set-backs, and disappointments, Carol Anne and I have fun together just by being together - now, still, and always.  There is no doubt in my mind that even if I could live life without her, I don’t want to.  I think we’ll just keep doing this instead.

Fourty-eight laps around the sun!  And, in that time I have contributed to the manifestation of 4 other human beings: Sam, Nathan, Kathleen, and Martin.  It is no secret that I had no desire to be a father.  Nonetheless, I have found myself to be a father to four remarkable and very different human beings, all of whom are now old enough to vote and to drink in most provinces.  I have thought a lot about my kids recently.  I’ve been thinking about how much being a father has changed not only what I thought I was going to do with my life, but how I live my life.  My perspective, since late 1993, has carried the weight of parenthood.  I have been a parent for nearly 30 years, and I cannot remember how I saw the world before that.  

Being a parent has made me a better person.  But, more than that, learning how to be a parent to my children - both the failures and and the successes - and learning from my children has made my life better.  Besides the fact that my kids are interesting, engaging, and kind (no small thing in itself,) my kids continually challenge me to move into the future with them.  It is a wonderful feeling to have my children not only want me around, but also want me to share, to some degree, in their world.

Somehow, somewhere among the 4 dozen laps I’ve completed so far I picked up an abiding, stubborn, and persistent belief in humanity.  I think we’re worth the effort.  I think we are worth the effort because I have seen that we, individually and collectively, can learn. Much of the evidence argues to the contrary - I know!  Nonetheless, find myself committed to human beings, and to the learning journey of human beings.  And so, whatever the next dozen laps have in store for me, I think I will still be involved in learning; and teaching; and education; and the conscious and deliberate evolution of human learning systems.  Some of this will involve writing and publishing.  Some of this will involve working directly with learners and teachers.  Some of this will involve just being. I’m excited!

If you have made it this far in this indulgent, quasi-reflective post, I hope it was worth it for you. This is the start of me putting words out there into the public world just to put them out there.  Thank you for reading them.

Please enjoy the picks of the bandana gang

Chai - pink

Jess - black

Mocha - red

Paddy - blue

[manndo]

i am SO LATE to reblogging this and flailing over it but idc, i’m gonna flail now and tell you how freaking amazing this follow up to part 1 was because GOD IT WAS SO GOOD. ugh!! like you are such an amazing writer and i honestly just LOVE THIS SERIES TO BITS (part three will be read soon 🥰) i can’t even. and i have realized while writing this, this went very long so there is a read more because i don’t wanna overwhelm the dash SO HERE WE GOOOOO 

so first off, we need to acknowledge my favorite part and the best part in the whole thing, WITHOUT A DOUBT --

“I love you a whole hell of a lot—would die for you, but you haven’t showered in days, you’re literally a walking UTI” 

I CACKLED SO HARD I CAN’T LIKE 😂😂 the way it was finally brought up and acknowledge like THANK YOU for that. thank you for saying what we all know and think and exactly what the reader says -- we love you joel, but after a few days without a shower, and killing people, yea buddy, you’re a walking uti 😂 so this was PERFECT.

 the relationship between you and joel, too. it is perfection. and then this part -- 

“I ain’t him,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“You’re not who?” you ask, confused.

“I ain’t the same man you fell in love with.”

“You think I don’t know you’ve changed? We killed together today. You’ve been referred to as a ‘grumpy asshole’ by someone who’s been around you for months. I’m not expecting you to be the man you were twenty years ago—we’ve been through literal hell. I know I sure as fuck am not the same.” You grab his thigh. “We can figure it out, get to know each other again. However, I think it’s safe to say with how easily we’ve fallen back into things, there isn’t much to worry about.” You softly smile. “We’re not the same people we were before this shit, but I think the love’s still there. At least, it is on my end. You’re fine, babe,” you reassure, rubbing over his jeans. “Don’t stress. We can make this work if you’re willing.”

He met your eyes, seeing the truth shining brightly in the depths and knowing without a doubt you meant what you were saying, wanting to kiss you so badly.

“I’m so fuckin’ willin’,” he says. “I just don’t want you to be disappointed.”

“Impossible.” You smile. “I’ll take you any way I can get you.” 

GOD YES UGH I JUST!! the acknowledgment of them both being like “hey, we aren’t the people we were before, but we’re both willing to make this work because we still love each other, and haven’t stopped”. like not that joel isn’t just the same, but you aren’t either. like you’re both changed in so many ways, but the love is still there -- that that core part is the same, and that’s what is gonna make this work. and jUST YES PLS THIS IS PERFECTION I AM 😭🥺❤️

as always, the smut was absolutely 🔥🔥🔥 even though they couldn’t have p in v, didn’t matter, doesn’t matter, like GODDAMN. joel getting off on eating you out? YES FUCKING PLEASE OOF LOVE THAT. love a man who is so fucking into you that he gets off on pleasing you THAT’S WHAT WE LOVE TO SEE IN THIS HOUSE 👏🏻👏🏻 also ellie after they are done -- god i love her so much 😂

all in all, this part was freaking epic and fantastic and beautiful and wonderful. i cannot say enough fantastic things about it, and about your writing. you are so freaking talented! 🥰🥰 thank you for sharing and writing this beautiful piece of work with us ❤️❤️

Gif by the amazing @pedropascalsx

September Part 2

Firefly Hospital, 2024

summary: Twenty years ago, Joel Miller was the love of your life. On the day of the Outbreak, you’d gotten separated and never saw him again—imagine your surprise when you find out the smuggler Marlene hired to bring the immune girl to your research hospital is none other than the man you thought you’d lost forever.

pairing: Joel Miller/f!reader (reader is a doctor with no physical descriptions)

rating: E (18+! No y/n, alternating POV, age gap (10 years), oral sex (f receiving), face-sitting, vaginal fingering, coming untouched, dirty talk, praise kink, canon-typical violence, minor character death, slight angst, emotions, love confessions, mentions of PTSD, handwavey medical jargon (went to google medical school for this one), Ellie being a cockblock, Ellie giving Joel so much shit, TLOU finale speculation, TLOU tv spoilers, TLOU game spoilers)

word count: 16.6k+

a/n: This goes over reader and Joel’s reunion after twenty years of being apart. It is dramatic and a fun ride. I’m playing fast and loose with game canon to speculate how the show finale will go, and this chapter follows a bit of how it goes in the game, with me taking some liberties. Thank you to the love of my life, @juletheghoul for betaing and being by my side.

Thank you for reading! Comments and reblogs are appreciated!

Part 1 - Part 3 - Series Masterlist - Masterlist

20 Years After the Outbreak

He can’t fucking believe it.

He’s at a loss.

Months Joel spent with this little girl, bringing her across the country, keeping her safe, protecting her with his life—fucking Tess lost hers getting Ellie to the Fireflies, and they’re just going to kill her in order to reverse-engineer a vaccine? She was a lamb to the slaughter. He’d inadvertently brought her to her death.

Anger is threading in his belly, pissed off over everything he went through, feeling like it was all for nothing, not if she’s going to die.

They’re in a hospital that’s being used by the Fireflies to try and find a cure, Ellie taken from him, Joel kneeling on a hospital room floor after an armed guard had hit him, listening to Marlene talk about how this was harder for her due to her history with the girl.

Joel rolls his eyes because if she actually gave a shit about Ellie, she wouldn’t let this happen.

There has to be another way.

He has to find Ellie.

He almost lost her getting here, and he isn’t going to just step back and let her die, the world be damned, he can’t lose another person he cares about, not if he can help it. He’ll do everything in his power to find her and get her the fuck out of here—she’s too important to him.

Marlene’s in front of him, the guard at her side.

“This isn’t about me, her, or you,” she tells him. “There is no other choice here—my hands are tied.”

He scoffs, moving to sit on his ass and resting his arms on his knees, glaring at her. “Yeah,” he sneers, “you keep tellin’ yourself that bullshit if it helps you sleep at night.”

She sighs, shaking her head.

“March him out of here,” she orders the guard. “He tries anything. Shoot him. Don’t ruin this, Joel.” She turns on her heel, opens the room door, and leaves, Joel’s mind racing with what he can do. He’s sized up the other man, knowing he can take him, the only disadvantage being that Joel didn’t have any weapons, and he did.

“Get up,” the Firefly says.

Joel doesn’t bother moving, working out in his brain his next steps. He needs to get his hands on a gun, thankful they hadn’t handcuffed him, which would give him the opportunity to disarm the guard.

Get a weapon, find Ellie

His mind chants.

It was evident that she wasn't safe as long as these people were alive, so he’d take out anyone who got in his way.

“I said get up.” The other man raises his handgun, pointing it at Joel.

He sighs, groaning as he rises, rage pulsing in his veins, his jaw clenching, hands in tight fists wanting to hit this bastard.

Marlene left the door open, the Firefly’s back to it, his attention focused on Joel, not realizing someone had slipped inside quietly behind him. Joel watches as the smaller person claps a hand over the man’s mouth, their other hand slicing open his throat with what he thought might be a scalpel. The guard gurgles as he falls forward, the gun clattering to the ground, grabbing at his neck to try and stop the bleeding, to no avail, falling to the floor in a growing pool of blood.

Joel’s confused, his eyes a little wider, taking in his unexpected savior.

From the scrubs she’s wearing and the scalpel, he thinks she’s some kind of doctor. Her hair is hidden under a surgical cap, her face obscured with a mask covering half of it as if she’d left in the middle of an operation.

She’s bending down and picking up the gun, tossing it to him when she straightens, Joel catching it easily.

“Who are you?” he asks.

There’s something familiar about her eyes, but he can’t place who she is, not sure who the fuck he knew who’d be all the way out here and willing to risk their life for him, his brain coming up with no one.

For one hopeful second, even though he knows it’s fucking impossible, he thinks it’s Tess until the woman speaks, her muffled voice dashing his hopes, “No time to chat,” she says. “We have to get Ellie—I couldn’t do it alone.”

His eyebrows are in his hairline, all of the confusion and disappointment being replaced with hope once more.

“You know where she is?” he asks.

“Yes,” she answers, nodding. “Follow me. Your stuff is down this hall.” She points behind her. She’d discarded the scalpel, pulling a handgun from the back of her pants. “Come on. We don’t have much time.”

Leaving without another word, Joel is hot on her heels. Questions could wait until Ellie was safe, keeping his guard up and on alert, fingers itching to kill these assholes. Down the hallway, she shows him where his things are on a counter, him quickly putting on his backpack, their weapons drawn as they start moving, him covering her back.

“We’re turning up here,” she whispers. “Two guards—need to get to the stairwell.”

“Copy that.”

Eerie calmness washes over him, his brain working to figure out their next moves. She stops at the corner, glancing around it. Her head turns toward him, nodding, then she steps out, two shots ringing out. Joel sees the Fireflies crumpling to the ground as he follows.

“Clear,” she says, stuffing her gun into her pants as she goes to one of the bodies to take their semi-automatic rifle. Joel does the same, impressed with the clean headshots.

“Who are you?” he asks again, taking up point behind her again with the bigger gun.

“We’ll worry about that later, Joel,” she answers, already on the move.

“How’d you know my name?”

“Ellie,” she replies. “But I’d never forget Joel Miller.”

Does she know him? Does he know her? His eyes had trailed over her body for any kind of clue, but he came up empty.

“What’s your name?”

“That’s not important,” she says. They’re approaching the stairwell. “Ellie’s on the top floor, far end. The place will be littered with guards. They won’t hesitate to kill you, so show no mercy.”

“Wasn’t plannin’ on it,” he grits out. “Would burn this fuckin’ place to the ground if I could.”

“I’ll bring the gasoline. You light the match. Deal?”

Joel huffs out an amused breath. He may not have any idea who this woman is who’s helping him, but she’s competent, knows what needs to be done, and is funny.

He kinda likes her, whoever she is.

They don’t speak as they hurry up the stairs, and once they’ve exited, she jams a chair into the door to lock it.

She was right about the place being littered with Fireflies.

They move as a unit, in sync, somehow knowing what the other would do without speaking, taking out anyone who got in their way swiftly and efficiently. Rage fueled him, and she led him, knowing where to take cover, tossing each other more ammunition divested from those they’d gunned down. The guards had no idea what hit them, hearing screams and frantically calling for reinforcements over their radios, wondering out loud who was killing them.

It’s a bloodbath, a fucking massacre. Joel and this woman are ruthless in their endeavor to get to Ellie.

Blood is spattered on their clothes and skin, sweat clinging to their bodies, breathing hard when they enter a door and see where the operating room is. Joel barricades the door they’d come through with medical equipment to buy them time, his knees aching and back sore, heart racing a mile a minute.

“There will be a nurse and a doctor,” she whispers. “I should’ve been in there, too.”

He grunts in response, taking off his backpack to strap the rifle to it, putting it back on, and grabbing the handgun from his waist.

He’s hoping and praying they’ll make it in time, not sure what he’ll do if they don’t, the trek to the room feeling like it takes forever.

She pushes through the door first, him stepping in after her training his gun on the surgeon about to operate.

“Get away from her!” Joel angrily demands, his teeth bared, ready to shoot.

“What are you doing here?” the surgeon asks, moving to stand between them and Ellie, holding up a scalpel in defense. “You brought him here?” The question was directed at the mystery woman.

“Yes,” she answers, her gun locked on him. “We’re not letting you kill her.”

“She’s our future! You can’t take her! This is the only way to save lives!”

“It’s not!” she shouts, Joel hearing her anger.

“You’ll pay for this—don’t come any closer,” the surgeon threatens, swinging the scalpel around.

There’s no hesitation when she pulls the trigger, the man falling to the ground as the nurse screams, Joel seeing her reaching on a surgical tray for something sharp, his shot stopping her.

The room is cleared, his focus moving to Ellie.

“Sweet Jesus,” he murmurs, his gun going back into his waistband, not wasting another second to get to the girl, her in a surgical gown and oxygen mask, hooked up to an IV, her eyes closed.

“Come on, baby girl,” he says, carefully removing the mask. The woman had shouldered her rifle, moving to the other side of the table to carefully take care of the IV and bandage Ellie’s hand. “I gotcha,” his voice soft as he gently picks her up, his attention moving to the woman. “How do we get outta here?”

He watches as she tears off the cap and, finally, the face mask.

Stumbling back, he feels like he’s been shot, his eyes going wide, all of the oxygen leaving his lungs and making it hard to breathe, blood pounding in his ears.

It can’t be.

Since the night of the outbreak, Joel has been plagued with nightmares, reliving the horrors over and over again, self-medicating with pills and home-brewed booze to dreamlessly sleep. There were nights when he’d dream of the woman he once loved—her eyes, her smile, usually the two of them in bed with soft light pouring in from the window, and if his brain was being particularly cruel, he’d be on top of her, watching as she came around him—something he once loved to see, and was now painful, waking up harder than a rock, and too fucking sad to do anything about it except drink until he passed out. A vicious cycle.

Staring at the woman in front of him, it’s the same face from his dreams.

He’d kissed those lips, held those cheeks, spent hours studying every detail, and thought he’d never see it again—only in memory, another person lost to him.

It feels like he’s seeing a ghost, unable to believe that this is real, that she’s standing there, thinking maybe he might be dead, and he’s having a nice hallucination before his soul leaves this earth.

He croaks out your name, it feeling rusty on his tongue.

She smiles softly, and he sucks in a breath because it is you, and you’re alive, tears beginning to burn in his eyes.

“Hi, babe,” you greet with a wiggle of your fingers in a wave.

His heart constricts, his lips slowly tipping up, replying without a second thought.

“Hi, baby.”

Hours Earlier

“She doesn’t have to die!” you shout.

For months, Marlene has been talking about a girl immune to the infection and that she hired a smuggler to deliver her to your research hospital where you worked, but after most of Marlene’s crew didn’t make the trip here, you all assumed the girl hadn’t survived.

At least you had until she’d been found unconscious nearby, the old bite mark that’d healed and scarred with no sign of infection prominent on her arm, identifying her as Ellie Williams.

Tests were done to confirm her immunity, and now you’re discussing what’s to be done with the lead surgeon at this facility and Marlene, the doctor so adamant about finding a cure he isn’t taking into account that Ellie is a child and that there are other options than doing a procedure that will outright kill her.

“We have to extract the fungus,” he replies.

“Yes, and we can biopsy,” you argue.

“Can that be done?” Marlene asks.

He’s sitting behind his desk, you and Marlene standing in front of it. She’s called you in as a second opinion because you’re second in line behind the surgeon here at the hospital.

You and he speak at the same time.

“Yes.”

“No.”

Her attention moves to him.

“Lay it out for me why a biopsy wouldn’t work.” Her arms are crossed over her chest, looking tired.

“The fungus is intertwined with the brain, and removing it would destroy the host.”

“She’s a child, not some science experiment. Why does it all have to be removed?”

He sighs.

“It’s our best chance at making the vaccine—extract the entire specimen, and we’ll save millions of lives.”

“At the cost of an innocent kid?” Marlene asks with a raised eyebrow.

He leans forward on the desk, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Do you think I’m unaware of the situation?” he asks. “How many Fireflies have died for less? How many sacrifices have been made for nothing when this one will actually have results?”

She looks at you.

“Rebuttal?”

“In order to make a vaccine, we only need some of the mutated infection. It’s possible to biopsy some of it to get what we need—extracting the entire specimen is overkill and murder.”

Marlene faces him again.

“I want to agree with her,” she says, pointing her thumb at you. “If she can do it without killing Ellie, then I’ll have her take over.”

His eyes narrow.

“She’s not even a real doctor.” “My degree would say otherwise,” you snidely reply.

He met your gaze.

“You didn’t complete your residency—you were an intern when the outbreak happened. I was a practicing physician with years under my belt, and you think you know our best course of action for this situation? I have the experience. I have been searching for a cure for years while you were off being a medic.” The disdain is evident in his tone. “You may have risen in the ranks here over the last five years, but I am the head of this hospital.” He looks at Marlene. “I’ve been working for your cause practically since its inception. Our goal is to make a vaccine. You’ve trusted me here for years to do our work, and we’ve been fighting for this moment—this is our chance to justify all of the sacrifices and horrific things we’ve been through, and we can’t let it all go to waste because our cure happens to reside in a fourteen-year-old girl—you have to trust me on this, a biopsy is not enough, we need it all to ensure the vaccine is made.”

“That’s horse shit!” you exclaimed, throwing up your hands.

Marlene holds her hand up to you, her attention on the surgeon.

“What if this was your daughter?” she asks, well aware that he has one, who’s also a Firefly.

“I wouldn’t hesitate,” he answers. “One life for millions of others? I think it’s worth the sacrifice.”

She nods.

“Do it.”

“Marlene, I can—” you start to protest.

She turns to you, cutting you off, “We have to do whatever it takes to be successful—if you don’t agree, you can leave. It’s being done with or without you, but you're not welcome back once you step outside those doors.”

Your mouth falls open, anger swirling in your gut.

This is murder. They’re going to kill this girl, and what if it doesn’t pan out to anything? This isn’t sitting right with you, not when there are other options. You’ve been with the Fireflies for years, a way to survive and try to do some good, but seeing what they’re willing to do for a cure has made you disillusioned with the group—the experimentations, infecting people to try out vaccines that failed—and now there’s a real shot at getting somewhere, and they want to kill the person who’s giving it to them.

Can you get her out?

Can you save her?

That smuggler she came with managed to get her across the country in relatively good shape, and you have to assume he fought and killed to keep her safe.

Would he help you?

Two against dozens of armed guards sounds like a suicide mission, but what will the Fireflies resort to if this all fails?

As the surgeon said, you spent years as a medic, which meant you were traveling, protecting yourself, gaining your skills as a doctor and in self-defense, not shy about guns, blood, or carnage.

If they’re going to do whatever it takes, then you will too, in order to save this girl.

“Am I understood?” Marlene asks.

“Yes, ma’am,” you reply.

“Good.” She glances back at the man. “I’m gonna go tell Joel.”

The name has a jolt running through you, memories of a man from your past coming to the forefront of your brain—chocolate-colored eyes, brown waves of hair, a strong nose, broad shoulders—Joel Miller was a hard one to lose, and you never recovered, would never recover. He was the love of your life, and you were planning on spending the rest of your days with him and his daughter up until the world ended, and you got separated, hoping they were out there somewhere as safe as they could be in these times. You squash down the sliver of hope, knowing Marlene isn’t talking about your Joel.

“Why?” he asks, making you mad that he’s questioning her decency.

“He traveled with her for months. He has the right to know. Good luck with your surgery.” With that, she left, leaving the two of you.

“I know you don’t agree with me,” he starts, “but today will go down in history as the day we saved the world.”

Your hands clench at your sides, grinding your teeth.

“Right…”

“Get her prepped for the operation. We’ll start in two hours.”

“How many will you need on your service?”

He thinks it over for a second.

“You can scrub in—I won’t need your help. One nurse will do. It’s a pretty straightforward procedure.”

“As you wish, Doctor,” you say through your teeth. “I’ll get the operating room put together.”

With the discussion over, you leave the room, trying to figure out what you’ll do as you walk to the surgical floor, mindlessly changing into scrubs, and a surgical cap, putting on your medical mask last. In the back of your locker, you take the handgun, stuffing it into the waistband of your pants, thankful it was normal to walk around armed.

Before you go to the girl’s room, you stop at the nurse's station, having the few there decide who will help during the surgery.

You’re not going to bother putting the operating room together; that will give you extra time.

Frankly, you shouldn’t even bother seeing the girl, but something inside you wants to meet her, so you go, her sitting up in a hospital bed, legs criss crossed under her, reading some old magazine one of the nurse’s probably brought her.

Knocking on her door, you ask, “Anything good in there?”

She looks over the pages at you.

“Just two hundred and fifty-four hot new fashion, beauty, and body secrets. People really read this shit?”

Laughing, you answer, “Yes, especially girls your age.”

She makes a face that has you snorting, her setting it down.

“It’s crazy how much people cared about how they looked.”

Walking towards her, you smile, nodding your head.

“I know,” you reply. “It would take me a minimum of thirty minutes to get ready before leaving the house.”

Shock is on her face.

“Why did it take so fucking long?”

“Shower, hair, makeup, finding the perfect outfit—if I had a date, it took me an hour because I wanted to look as cute as possible.”

Sadness has your chest going tight, remembering your first date with Joel and how you stressed over what dress to wear, mentally high-fiving yourself when his eyes lit up at seeing you. He tried to be a gentleman, telling you he was old-fashioned and didn’t do sex on the first date, his mind changing by the end of the night when you’d both ended up naked on your living room couch.

“An hour?!” she exclaims, taking you from your reverie. “Why?”

“Well, when two people like each other very much—”

“Ew,” she interrupts. “Yuck, I don’t want to know. Anyways, I’m assuming you’re a doctor?”

Making a show of looking down at your body, you ask, “What gave me away?” You met her eyes again.

“Honestly, you’re not like any doctor I’ve met before—earlier with the tests, they were so…”

“Cold?” you finish for her. “Not very friendly?”

“Exactly.”

You sigh, moving to sit on the edge of her bed.

“There’s no bedside manner anymore,” you say. “It’s getting you fixed up and on your way—at least that’s how it is with newer doctors, the ones who’ve learned over time and didn’t actually go to school before the world went to shit. But I want to make sure you’re comfortable, and—” you look left and right like you’re making sure no one is around before looking at her again“ —It’s nice having someone new to talk to. People here are boring.”

She laughs.

“I can tell.”

It’s the right decision to save this girl. You know, in your gut, that it’s what you need to do.

Her spunkiness reminds you of Sarah, who also wouldn’t have been into two hundred and fifty-four hot new fashion, beauty, and body secrets. You’d bonded with Joel’s daughter over music, her loving your CD collection and always letting her choose what you listened to in the car, her tastes varying, which had a lot to do with her dad loving tunes from the seventies and eighties. She was a firecracker, always keeping her dad on his toes, and here was Ellie keeping you on yours.

“Let’s talk business, squirt,” you say.

Her face scrunches up, “Squirt?”

“Yeah, similar to ‘kiddo,’” you answer.

“You fucking sound like Joel—where is he, by the way? I woke up, and he wasn’t with me. People have been weird and will only say he’s okay.”

The worry is evident on her face, even though she’s trying to hide it.

“I haven’t personally seen him,” you reply. “He is okay, though. Marlene was actually heading to let him know how you’re doing.” And that they’re planning to kill you, you didn’t say out loud.

“That’s good. Don’t need him worrying.”

“I’m impressed he got you all the way here. What’s he like?”

You’re curious about the man.

“Tall, wide—” she held out her hands “—and a grumpy asshole.” Definitely not your Joel, then. “But he’s got his nice moments.” She gives you a conspiratorial look that makes you smile. “Don’t tell him I said this, but I know deep down he’s a fucking softy.”

“You’re secret’s safe with me,” you laugh.

Her face goes somber, her fingers fidgeting with the blanket under her.

“So, what’s gonna happen to me, Doc?”

Your stomach must drop all the way to the ground floor.

You couldn’t lie to her, but you didn’t want to scare her.

“They want to extract the infection from your brain to make a vaccine,” you answer truthfully.

“Who’s they?”

“Marlene and the head of this facility.”

“Oh.” She frowns. “You won’t be there?”

“I was asked to scrub in, but I won’t be operating.”

“Surgery, then?”

“Surgery.” You nod.

“Will it hurt?”

Smiling reassuringly, you answer, “Won’t feel a thing. You’ll be knocked out cold.”

“That’s good. Can I talk to Joel beforehand? I just want to thank him for everything.”

You frown, “That won’t be possible. I’ll happily relay a message to him for you.”

She looks downtrodden, eyes darting away from you.

“That works. Um, if I don’t make it, can you tell him I said thank you? For getting me here safe and not abandoning me? That I’m sorry for being such a fucking pain in his ass.”

You reach to touch her leg comfortingly.

“I’ll let him know,” you reply softly. “You know, I once knew a Joel before everything.” You wave your hand in explanation, her meeting your gaze to nod. “I was going to marry him,” you continue. “He hadn’t asked yet, but I knew he was the one. You never forget a dreamboat like Joel Miller,” you sigh wistfully.

Her eyes go round.

“Joel Miller?” she asks. “Your Joel’s last name was Miller?”

“It was.” You nod. “I loved him and his daughter Sarah.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

You’re taken aback, “I’m sorry..?”

“Sorry, sorry.” She puts up her hands in a placating gesture. “It’s just my grumpy Joel’s last name is Miller, and he had a daughter named Sarah.”

Your heart clenches, and your throat gets tight, asking thickly, “Had?”

Clear sadness comes over her face.

“I don’t know all the details, but she didn’t make it. Early on. Really fucked him up.”

Covering your mouth, you need a second, emotions warring inside you—hope that it is your Joel and unimaginable pain about Sarah, not wanting her to be gone, and thinking of all the years he would’ve been alone, wondering if he even had Tommy. It’s a struggle to keep the tears at bay.

“Your Joel Miller, does he happen to be from Texas?” you finally ask.

“Yeah,” she answers, nodding. “Sounds funny, too. His brother Tommy and him are from, I think, Houston, no, fuck, starts with an ‘A.’”

“Austin,” you breathe, eyes wide as saucers.

“Yeah!” she exclaims. “Holy shit, is my Joel your Joel?”

She’s excited by the prospect, and you’re doing everything not to cry. You need to go to him. You both need to save this girl, and once that’s done, you can have the long overdue reunion. He won’t want her to die, especially not after losing Sarah. It’s cruel that he’s been put in this spot, your blood boiling, knowing without a doubt that if he brought her here alone, the two of you could get her out, or at least you’d both die trying, and you’re willing, especially to see Joel one last time.

“I think he might be,” you reply.

“You gotta go talk to him!”

“I do.” You nod. “Do you trust me?”

She looks confused.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re going to be safe—you’re not going to die. Everything is going to be okay.”

“Okay..?”

“Good. You’re not going to see me again until after you wake up, so don’t panic, squirt. I’ll be there.”

“Okay.”

“I’m going to go see him,” you say as you stand up.

She picks up the magazine.

“Do you need kissing tips? It says here that with these techniques, you’ll rock his world.”

You snort.

“Aren’t you a goddamn comedian—you must’ve amused the hell out of Joel.”

She looks proud as she smiles.

“I made him laugh—multiple times.”

“Way to go, kiddo. Don’t tell anyone where I’m going, and I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Sounds good, Doc.”

It was your goal not to arouse any suspicions, walking briskly towards the floor you knew Joel was on, stopping to snag a scalpel, and taking the back way that was a little longer but would have you bypassing a lot of the guards since you had some time to work with, the procedure having to be delayed with nothing being ready.

Hiding in the shadows of the next room, you gasp when you hear Joel calling Marlene on her bullshit, your heart picking up in speed at the familiar Texas drawl and rasp, a stray tear falling down your cheek.

He’s here.

He’s really here and alive.

The focus needs to be on saving Ellie, so you know you can’t trip him up by revealing who you are, thankful you’d changed into your operating clothes.

When his door opens, and you hear Marlene’s footsteps heading away from you, you’re moving, scalpel held tight in your hand, knowing you need to be as quiet as possible so as not to alert the other two guards on this floor.

You don’t even look at Joel when you enter the room, focusing on your task, and executing it seamlessly, only chancing a glance once you’ve tossed him the gun.

He’s older and greyer, years of surviving making his already broad shoulders even broader, his face hardened over time, having some idea of the hell he’s been through, and still, just as he was at thirty-six, at fifty-six, he’s still the most handsome man you’ve ever laid your eyes on. Your fingers want to smooth the furrow between his eyes, kiss those plush lips of his, feel his arms engulf you, hold you tight, and never let you go.

Twenty years and you’re still madly in love with Joel Miller—one look, and you’re a fucking goner.

You can’t get your hopes up, not knowing anything about his current situation, assuming he’s probably moved on.

Who wouldn’t want him?

There’s no way he’s been single all these years. You’ve had your own flings, nothing long-lasting or very memorable.

Who could compare to Joel?

He’s the blueprint of what you want in a man, and no one could or would ever measure up.

Was your life lonely?

A little, but why tie yourself to someone you’d never be able to love because your heart belonged to another?

“Who are you?” he asks.

“No time to chat,” you reply. “We have to get Ellie—I couldn’t do it alone.” You ignore the excited flutters in your tummy at hearing his voice.

He asks another question, and you answer, leading him from the room, weapons raised, ready to face whatever comes your way, comforted with Joel at your back.

When you reach the top floor, you quickly understand how he managed to get Ellie here in one piece—the man was a killing machine—brutal, merciless, breathtaking.

The way he fought was a thing of beauty, and if you hadn’t had to focus on staying alive, you’d have loved to watch him—seeing his strength, his competence, not wasting a single shot.

Somehow, it made him more attractive, which you didn’t think was possible.

The two of you worked together so well as a pair, covering each other, moving as one to mow down anyone who crossed your path, making it to the operating room just as they were about to begin.

You feel no remorse for killing the surgeon. Frankly, you haven’t felt bad about killing another human in years because there’s no room for feeling guilty when you’re trying to survive—you compartmentalize, knowing that it’s either them or you; if you hesitate for even a fraction of a second, you’re dead, so you’ve got to pull the trigger first, and you will.

You and Joel are on the same page about getting Ellie out of there as soon as possible. You quickly take care of her IV and make sure her hand is bandaged, smiling softly when you see Joel tenderly lift the girl into his arms, murmuring quietly to her, seeing just how much he cares.

There’s no doubt in your mind he would’ve attempted this rescue alone, and the thing is, you’re pretty sure he would’ve succeeded from sheer will alone.

His eyes meet yours, seeing his trust in you, him relying on you now to get you all out.

“How do we get outta here?” he asks.

There’s no point in hiding anymore, honestly surprised your cap and mask even stayed on.

You’re not sure what his reaction will be, hoping for happiness.

When he gets a good look at you, he stumbles back in shock, the blood leaving his face, watching his eyes go wide, mouth agape, seeing the shock, the disbelief, the hope, many emotions coming over his features as he processes what’s going on.

His voice cracks as he breathes your name, and you gently smile, knowing this is probably a lot for him, raising your hand and wiggling your fingers in a wave.

“Hi, babe,” you say.

It’s noticeable on his face the realization that it really is you, and you’re here, his eyes getting misty, lips turning up, the blood in your veins thrumming when he answers like he had a thousand times before without missing a beat, “Hi, baby.”

“You’re alive,” Joel says in wonder, his eyes mapping out your face, seeing lines from aging but still just as beautiful as the first time he saw you all those years ago.

“I am,” you reply, nodding. You point at him. “You are, too. Imagine my surprise when Ellie started telling me about this grumpy asshole named Joel Miller, who brought her here—couldn’t believe it was my Joel Miller until we compared notes. Sorry to spring this on you; I know it’s a shock.”

He huffs out a breath.

“That’s a fuckin’ understatement.”

You giggle.

Is this real? Is he dreaming?

You’re just as lively as he remembers, your smile like a breath of fresh air in this godforsaken world.

There’s a sensation in his stomach, it not feeling right, hitting him a second later that the fluttering is fucking butterflies, as if he was a goddamn teenager again, talking to his crush.

Twenty fucking years, and he still has it bad.

“God, I missed you,” you say.

“I missed you, too.”

“We’ll catch up after we get the fuck out of here. We’re going out that door.” You point at the opposite wall from where you came in. “Pit stop to grab her things that are on the way. Then the elevator to the basement garage—we can get a truck. There’s multiple.”

“I need you to do somethin’ first,” he says.

Your head cocks to the side.

“What do you need?”

“Come ‘ere, my hands are full. I need you to pinch me.”

Your eyebrows drew together.

“You need me to pinch you…?” you ask slowly.

“Yeah,” he answers, nodding. “Gotta make sure I’m not dreamin’—need to know you’re really here with me.”

Your eyes soften, quickly moving around the table until you’re at his side, smiling at him as you pinch his arm, leaning in to kiss his cheek, his skin buzzing where you touch, wanting more of it.

“There,” you say, looking at him through your lashes, and it has him gulping. “Believe I’m here, now?”

“I missed you so fuckin’ much, baby,” his words come out rough, feeling the tears in his eyes.

“I missed you, too, Joel,” you reply, rubbing his arm, goosebumps erupting on his skin. “Let’s get out of here—I wanna catch up.”

He nods, “Lead the way.”

He watches you getting the rifle into your hands, him following you out of the room, stopping to grab Ellie’s backpack that was left on a hospital bed, and you putting it on.

It’s a fucking maze to find the elevator, you knowing exactly where to go, guards showing up halfway to it, commotion erupting as you told him where to go, covering him and Ellie as the three of you moved quickly down the corridors, gunshots ringing out.

You’re both panting by the time the elevator doors close, you taking point in front of him with your gun at the ready.

Joel can’t get over you being here with him.

There’s so much about you that hasn’t changed since all those years ago, somehow keeping your radiance, your life, not losing yourself to the darkness, but underneath all of that, he’s seen how you’ve adapted—killing with zero hesitation, not afraid to do what it takes to survive, a ruthlessness to you that only develops after going through some horrible shit. Guilt makes his chest squeeze, hating that you’ve been out here on your own, surviving. He at least has Tommy, had Tess, and with how easily you’re leaving with him, he doesn’t think you have anyone, and it breaks his heart.

“Do we need to worry about runnin’ into anybody else down there?” he asks.

You glance at him over your shoulder, “They would’ve called everyone to the top floor, and I’m pretty sure we took out at least ninety percent of their muscle. I can’t imagine anyone being stupid enough to try and stop us.”

He nods.

“Thank you,” he says.

“You’re welcome. I’d honestly planned on trying to get her out before I knew it was you who’d brought her. I’m thankful you were here—you’re a fucking tank. Probably wouldn’t have even needed me.”

He chuckles, his chest puffing out a little in pride.

“If I’d had to do it alone, I’d be in a helluva lot more pain, so thank you.”

“Knees?”

He nods. “And my fuckin’ back—I’ve gotten old.”

“But you still look really fucking good,” you reply with a wink, and it makes his throat go dry, his heart hammering that you’re flirting with him, that you’re still interested in him after all this time, even though he’s gone grey, and rougher around the edges. You didn’t even shy away from what he’d do to keep himself and those he cares about safe; pretty sure you even liked it.

It’s been so long, he wonders if you moved on and if he even has a chance with you.

He’s had time to mourn Tess, thankful for the years he got with her, keeping him alive and not letting him self-destruct in his grief, but even though they cared about each other to a certain extent, they’d been using one another—he was the muscle, she was the brains, and he couldn’t give her what she wanted; offer feelings that weren’t hers to have, so what they had wasn’t all that romantic, there wasn’t time for any of that shit, and Tess didn’t much care for it, anyway.

There’s history with Joel and you, memories of a time when you’d been happy together, and being here with you is making him remember all of the good times—the feelings he had for you that he’d buried deep inside after he thought you were gone, coming alive inside him, consuming him, wanting to touch you, feel your soft skin under him, and kiss you—fuck, he hasn’t kissed in so long, Tess never being very affectionate, sex always quick and a means to scratch an itch.

He clearly remembers what sex was like with you—it haunts his dreams, the time you’d spend in bed, reliving the passion, the tenderness, the love, something deep down he’s craved since the last time he was with you.

The elevator opens before he can speak, the gun raised in your hands as you exit, Joel at your back, both of you stopping in your tracks once you’re out, finding Marlene standing there with her handgun pointed towards you both.

“What’s your plan?” she asks. “You save her today, but what about tomorrow? There’s a lot of shit out there. How long before she’s killed by a pack of clickers? If she even makes it that long without being murdered first. Face it, you can’t save her.”

“We’ll sure as fuck try,” he grits out. “Stop pretendin’ like you care about her. You were happy to stand aside and let her die.”

“For the greater good, to save lives.”

“You can shove the greater good up your ass, Marlene.”

She sighs.

“You can still do the right thing.” Her attention moves to you. “Do the biopsy like you wanted. All I care about is finding the cure. I’ll put you in charge of the facility. You can lead in the vaccine’s development.”

You scoff.

“You know as well as I do,” you reply, “that I’ll be dead if I step one foot back inside there. You’re lying, Marlene. You and the rest of the Fireflies will want us killed for what happened today.”

“And who’s fault is that?” Marlene asks.

“Yours!” you exclaim. “For not listening to me. This is all your fault.”

A gun goes off, and Marlene stumbles, falling to her knees, her gun skittering across the ground when she loses her grip on it.

She’s holding her stomach, a blood stain expanding under her hands.

“Don’t,” she chokes out, looking at you with her face contorted in pain. “Don’t kill me. Let me go. Please.”

You and he both know what needs to be done.

“She ain’t safe with you alive,” he says, her attention moving to him.

“Please,” she pleads.

Another shot is fired, and Marlene’s lifeless body crumples to the ground.

“Come on,” you tell him, heading towards a nearby pickup, shouldering your rifle as you get the door open for him to set Ellie in the backseat, you disappearing for a minute and coming back to put gasoline canisters in the bed, along with a bag, telling him it had emergency rations and a first aid kit.

“Where will we go?” you ask when you get in the passenger seat, Joel already ready to drive.

“Wyoming,” he answers. “Tommy.”

Relief washes over your face.

“I’m happy to hear he’s alive,” you say softly.

A stone is in his stomach that he’ll have to tell you about Sarah.

“Yeah, that asshole’s still alive and kickin’,” he replies. “His wife scares the fuck outta me.”

“Wow, can’t believe someone married him.”

He chuckles.

“Me either—do you know how to get outta here?”

The truck’s started, Joel already driving.

“Yes!” you reply, directing him.

There’s not much talking as you make your way out of the city, both too nervous and expecting the worst. It feels like he can finally breathe once you’re on the highway heading toward Tommy’s.

Ellie’s still passed out, the pickup rumbling down the road.

“How long will she sleep for?” he asks, glancing at you.

“Oh, an hour or two,” you answer.

He nods. “We gotta do anythin’ for her?”

“Nope. Just have to wait for the drugs to wear off—she was given a cocktail that could knock out a horse.”

He frowns, nodding once.

“It’s sweet,” you reply, him seeing you with a soft smile on your lips.

“What’s that?” he asks.

“How much you care about her.”

His hands squeeze the steering wheel, the leather creaking.

“She’s a pain in the ass,” he grumbles.

That makes you laugh, and God, he’s missed that sound.

“Ellie apologizes, and I quote, ‘for being such a fucking pain in his ass,’” you giggle. “She also wanted to thank you for keeping her safe and not abandoning her.

His heart clenches up.

“She said those things?”

Your lips tip down, frowning.

“Yeah. Wanted me to tell you in case she didn’t make it.”

“Why’d you wanna save her?”

“It was the right thing to do. I fought for a way that she’d survive the operation, and I was outvoted—couldn’t let them murder her.”

After losing Sarah and thinking he lost you, too, Joel had erected walls in his mind to keep the debilitating grief he felt at bay, shoving down his emotions and not letting himself feel—couldn’t let himself feel, not if he wanted to live, which was already a struggle. This made him cold, emotionless, a husk of a man, having to keep finding something to fight for to keep going, only allowing his rage to come out in order to kill and do what was necessary to survive without a single care.

Tess would poke at the walls without meaning to, getting glimpses of his tenderness that she’d bat away and make him close back up.

Ellie made it her goal to break them down, him imagining her with a sledgehammer, laying waste to the concrete and steel, making him care, making him feel until she’d made a hole big enough to crawl inside and worm her way into his heart, the kid one of the most important people in his life now.

And then there’s you, coming out of nowhere and making the walls left standing crumble to dust simply by being here—the memories, the history, the love, igniting him, making him remember what it was like to feel again, focusing on the strongest emotion that has him feeling warmth deep down to his bones, contentedness, pure happiness, the feeling so strong he’s almost breathless.

You’re alive and with him, Ellie’s safe and sound, and he’s happy, actually happy, for the first time since everything went to hell.

And you care about Ellie, which just makes him love you even more, those butterflies in his stomach going wild.

“Thank you again for all you did,” he says.

“It’s no big deal.”

“You coulda died.”

“Would’ve been worth it.” You shrug.

He smiles.

“God, I’ve missed you.”

“Same. I have missed you every day since the last time I saw you.” Reaching your hand over, you touch his thigh, sadness on your face as you look at him. “Joel, I’m sorry about Sarah,” you say gently.

He sucks in a breath, avoiding your gaze.

“Yeah,” his voice is thick, his throat so tight it’s hard to speak, but you need to know what happened, Joel knowing how much you’d loved her, treating her as if she were your own. “It, uh, was my birthday when everything went down.”

Your hand goes to your mouth, gasping, “Joel, no.”

“Yeah.” He swallows hard. “Worst fuckin’ day of my life.” Tears were in his eyes. “Held her in my arms as she died—fuckin’ military shot her,” he spits out. “Tryin’ to contain everything they just started murderin’, took my baby girl from me,” he chokes on the words, a tear slipping down his face. “Lost her and thought I lost you, too, found your house in flames.” He wipes at the wetness in his eyes. “Fuckin’ hate remeberin’ that night—my entire world was taken from me.”

“Oh, Joel,” you whisper, moving across the bench seat to be next to him, Joel welcoming the hug you give him, wrapping your arm around his belly, and resting your head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that, and I’m just so fucking sad about Sarah,” you sniffle.

He reaches to press a hand against the back of your head.

“I know, baby,” he replies.

“Was Tommy with you?”

“Yeah. He kept me alive.”

“What’d you do?”

He lets out a long sigh.

“A lot of fucked up shit.”

“Haven’t we all?”

“I guess if you’re livin’, you’d have to.”

“Isn’t that so assbackwards? What were you doing before Ellie?”

“Boston—smuggling.”

“Oooh, a criminal, isn’t that sexy.” His hand moves to hold the steering wheel again, gulping. “Sorry,” you say quickly, sitting up. “It’s rude of me to flirt with you while you’re explaining all these horrible things. I don’t even know if you’re still single; for all I know, you could have a wife and kids back in Boston.”

“No wife and no kids—I can’t, not again.” He can’t help the somber tone of his voice.

He can tell you understand from the look on your face.

“I get it,” you reply. “I, uh, made sure I couldn’t have children. The world’s too fucked, and I didn’t want to risk anything. So, had a fellow doctor help me out.”

He’s sad remembering how when you were together, you’d wanted kids with him, at least two, you’d told him, and he’d been excited by the prospect, seeing how much you cared about Sarah and her adoring you. It was painful to think about, but he’d asked his daughter a week before his birthday over breakfast if she’d be okay if he married you. She’d been ecstatic and wanted to help him pick out the ring.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“Don’t be,” you wave away his apology. “Better safe than sorry.”

There’s a question sitting on the tip of his tongue that he finally asks.

“Do I gotta worry about a partner huntin’ us down to get you back?”

You scoff.

“No. Painfully single. Anyone I need to worry about?”

“Not anymore,” he answers. “There was someone months ago—they didn’t make it.”

“Jesus, Joel,” you gasp. “You can’t catch a fucking break. I know life is a bitch, but my god, do I feel like it’s taking a special interest in making you miserable.”

He sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“Yeah, that’s how it feels sometimes. God must be laughing at me.” He glances at you. “I think things are changin’ though after today. Finally think I’m gettin’ a goddamn break.”

You lean forward, knocking your knuckles on the dashboard.

“We don’t have wood, but I’m being safe—don’t want to jinx you.”

“Thanks for lookin’ out.” He smiles.

“Always.” You grin.

“Tell me what happened with you,” he says. “How’d I lose you?”

It’s something he’s wondered for twenty years, needing to know what happened to you.

“As you know, I was interning at the clinic to complete my residency—”

He did know that. You were fresh out of med school when you’d met, honestly surprising him that you let an old guy like him get your number.

“And I’d had your birthday off,” you continued. “When they called me in, I went, but something didn’t feel right about halfway, so I turned around to head back to your place. A tire went flat.”

“The spare was flat, too, wasn’t it?”

“Yes…”

“I told you I’d take care of it, but you wouldn’t let me.”

“I didn’t want to be a bother!”

“You weren’t no bother—you were my girlfriend, and it was my job to make sure you were safe. I shoulda just fuckin’ done it. Fuck.” He hits the steering wheel.

He felt like this was all his fault. So much could’ve been different if he’d done this one thing.

“Hey, hey.” You rub his arm. “This isn’t on you. I was the dumbass.”

He meets your eyes.

“Twenty years,” he says. “Fuckin’ lost you for twenty goddamn years because of a tire?”

He can’t fucking believe it.

You’re looking down, “Yeah,” you whisper.

He sighs loudly, squeezing your thigh.

“Sorry about gettin’ upset, it’s just, God, think of what our lives coulda been.”

“I’m sorry, Joel. I fucked up.”

“No, baby. You were busy becomin’ a doctor, already stretchin’ yourself thin datin’ me. I shoulda done more.”

“You did more than enough, and you had your own stuff to worry about—Sarah, your construction company. I’m an adult. I should’ve made sure my shit was taken care of.”

He sighs.

“You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”

“I am.”

“What’d you do after gettin’ out of Austin?”

“Searched for you. Doctors were in need, so I traveled a lot in the early days offering aid and hoping I’d find you. Some years later, I got snatched up by the Fireflies, thinking maybe they had the right idea, eventually helping to try to make a vaccine. Was at the research facility for the last five years, but things were so fucked. I know I would’ve gotten out soon if I hadn't left today.”

“What do you wanna do now?”

He’s hoping you’ll say you want to stay with him, wanting you back.

“Um, well, seeing as I’m unattached, and you’re unattached, I thought I’d follow you around? Wherever you go, I’ll go,” you answer. “I’m not sure if you can tell, but I never got over you, Joel. Never. I thought I lost you, mourned what was and could’ve been, and I was never able to really be with anyone because I still loved you, and seeing you today, being with you, it’s evident I still love you. So, if you’ll have me, I wanna stay with you, I don’t want to be away from you ever again, and I know Ellie is important to you—I’ve known her less than a day, and she’s already pretty fucking important to me, too. She’s a good kid, and I’m glad you’ve got her. I’m just really fucking hoping you’d maybe want me around, too.”

His heart’s squeezing so tight it’s hard to breathe, so happy that you’d want to be with him again, but doubt rears its ugly head that this is all too good to be true, that you don’t know what you’re signing up for.

“I ain’t him,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“You’re not who?” you ask, confused.

“I ain’t the same man you fell in love with.”

“You think I don’t know you’ve changed? We killed together today. You’ve been referred to as a ‘grumpy asshole’ by someone who’s been around you for months. I’m not expecting you to be the man you were twenty years ago—we’ve been through literal hell. I know I sure as fuck am not the same.” You grab his thigh. “We can figure it out, get to know each other again. However, I think it’s safe to say with how easily we’ve fallen back into things, there isn’t much to worry about.” You softly smile. “We’re not the same people we were before this shit, but I think the love’s still there. At least, it is on my end. You’re fine, babe,” you reassure, rubbing over his jeans. “Don’t stress. We can make this work if you’re willing.”

He met your eyes, seeing the truth shining brightly in the depths and knowing without a doubt you meant what you were saying, wanting to kiss you so badly.

“I’m so fuckin’ willin’,” he says. “I just don’t want you to be disappointed.”

“Impossible.” You smile. “I’ll take you any way I can get you.”

He knows you mean it, and it has his heart swelling, thinking maybe things are changing for the better, that he’s being given a second chance at life, and he’s not gonna waste it.

“Wanna know the moment I knew you loved me?” he asks, reminiscing about the past.

It’s how he’d known you were the one for him.

A curious expression is on your face, smiling at him.

“Tell me.”

“When you didn’t even bat an eye at bein’ fired from the clinic in town for datin’ me.”

“Oh my god, I wasn’t fired. I was forcibly relocated.”

He chuckles.

“If that’s what you wanna call it. You datin’ a patient made it to where the only clinic that’d take you was an hour and a half away in the city.”

“You make it sound like I was dating you while you were still my patient—you were in my care once, and by the end of the appointment, you’d seduced me.” He snorts. “I was never your doctor again, so it wasn’t unethical. I had to be forcibly relocated for breaking a dumb clinic-specific rule that made zero sense because Janis was jealous you were dating me and not her and reported me. Fucking, Janis,” you seethe.

“If it makes you feel any better, she’s probably dead now,” he says.

You chortle before covering your mouth in shock.

“That’s fucking dark, Joel.”

“You were thinkin’ it.”

“I mean, yeah, the odds aren’t very good. You wanna know something, though, about the whole me being forcibly relocated to the city?”

He met your eyes, seeing that smile he loved.

“What’s that?”

“It was worth it—you were worth it. I’d do it all over again and happily be forcibly relocated so I can date you.”

That has him feeling soft.

“Am I still worth it?” he asks, barely above a whisper.

“Twenty years might have come and gone. I’m not that young piece of ass I once was—“

He makes a face, cutting you off, “You were never a piece of ass to me,” he says seriously. “I loved you—still love you, never fuckin’ stopped. Before everything went to fuckin’ shit, I saw us havin’ a life together—was gonna ask you to move in that night, had a key ready to give you. I wanted to marry you, have kids, and spend the rest of our lives together because you were my everything.” His voice cracks when he speaks again, “You and Sarah, you both were my entire fuckin’ world.” He clears his throat to compose himself. “I loved you so fuckin’ much I spent years tryin’ to find you. Years. When there wasn’t any sign, I figured I lost you, too, and with you gone, my last shred of humanity went, too, because I no longer had anythin’ to live for. I loved you,” he croaks. “I still love you, and I’ll never stop until the day I die.”

Tears roll down your cheeks.

“I love you, too,” you say.

His arm moves around your shoulder to pull you into him, hugging you as best he can and kissing your hair.

“I’m happy to have you back—want you with me if you can accept that I’m fucked up.”

“We’re in the same boat. It’s crazy what an apocalypse does to people.”

You stay like that, him holding you against him while you both talk, reminiscing about before, sharing your favorite stories about Sarah, comfortable with each other, and talking so easily like no time had passed at all.

An hour goes by, Joel navigating the road as you chat.

“I feel like I got hit by a truck,” a voice says in the backseat. Ellie sits up, rubbing her eyes. “My head feels so fucking weird.”

“Hey, take it easy,” he says. “Drugs are still wearin’ off.”

“Welcome to the land of the living,” you say.

She must notice how you’re cuddled up next to him, seeing her eyes get big in the rearview mirror.

“Woah, you really didn’t need those kissing tips, Doc.”

You snort, and Joel’s curious about what she means.

“What’s she talkin’ about?” he asks.

“She’s being a smartass.”

He huffs out an amused breath.

“She’s always a smartass,” he replies.

You move to look over the seat at her.

“Just feeling woozy? Anything hurt?” you ask.

“Brain’s all foggy. Nothing hurts.” She touches her head, looking confused. “What happened? Did they do the procedure?”

“They didn’t,” you answer, shaking your head. “We—”

He interrupts you, “They found somebody else,” he says quickly, knowing Ellie won’t take what you did well. “There was another like you, and they chose them.”

He doesn’t want to meet your eyes because he knows you’re staring him down.

Ellie’s not buying it; he can see it on her face, making him grimace, and swallow hard, knowing he fucked up, shame roiling in his gut.

“So, Joel is a fucking liar,” you say, eyes still on him. “I can’t believe you—she deserves to know.”

“She ain’t gonna like it,” he says.

“You don’t know that.”

“What won’t I like?” Ellie pipes up. “What’s going on, guys? Be straight with me, Doc.”

Your attention moves to her.

“They were going to kill you.”

“Oh,” she says quietly. “I was okay with dying if it meant saving people's lives.”

“That’s very courageous, Ellie, and I understand you want to help, but they didn’t need to kill you. What was the point if they had and a cure couldn’t be made?”

Her eyebrows furrow.

“They still would’ve had a chance to try!” she says hotly. Joel knew she’d be mad; the kid was determined to be a martyr. “It could’ve worked, and you took away my shot to help do some good!”

“They were going to murder you,” you calmly reply.

“I was willing to die!”

“Well, I ain’t willin’ to lose you!” His voice rises.

“It wasn’t your choice, Joel! It was mine!”

“You don’t know what you’re sayin’, and you ain’t listen’ to her either!” He tilts his head towards you. “They coulda gotten what they needed without murderin’ you, but they didn’t care.” He looks at you. “Baby, tell her your plan if you would’ve had the chance.”

“We could’ve gone in,” you say, “and biopsied some of the infection—it intertwines with the brain, so just a little bit somewhere that wouldn’t do you any harm.”

“Well, why don’t we go back there and do that then?” she asks, sounding hopeful.

You sigh.

“Because the Fireflies were so deadset on taking your entire brain, they were willing to kill anyone who got in their way.”

“You killed them,” she breathes, eyes wide.

“We did.” You nod.

“What do I do now? Why am I here?” She’s upset. “Why am I immune, Doc? Are there others like me?”

“We’ve never come across anyone else immune—somehow, the infection has mutated in your body. It’s a new development, something we’ve never seen.”

“And the people who could’ve figured out what the fuck is going on with me are all dead? Great.” She falls back into her seat, pressing her hands to her face. “I needed it all to mean something.” Her words are muffled, looking up at you with wet eyes. “All of the people who’ve died for me. First, my friend Riley who was there when I was bitten—the two of us planning to die together, and my turn never coming. Then Tess and Sam. It needs to mean something. Their deaths can’t have been for nothing! Why do I get to live, and they don’t? What’s the point of me being immune if I can’t do something good with it?”

“Hey, Ellie.” You reach over the seat to touch her arm. “There’s still hope. If I can get access to the right equipment, I can do the biopsy. It might take some time, but I’m capable and have spent many years working to find a cure. There’s hope, kiddo. They didn’t die for nothing, you’re still here, and we’ll have the chance to see what we find.”

“You promise?” she sniffs.

“I promise.”

“Okay.”

“Is there something you want to say, Joel?” You look at him pointedly.

He sighs.

“Sorry for lyin’ to you, Ellie. It wasn’t right.”

Her face lights up.

“Oh, Doc’s got you whipped!” she laughs. “This is so fucking funny.”

“Ellie,” he grumbles, glaring at her in the mirror.

“You’re fucking forgiven, Joel, but I’m still gonna give you shit about being in love,” she sing-songs.

“Christ,” he sighs.

“It’s okay, babe,” you say, rubbing his arm. “We’ll just gross her out with excessive PDA.”

That has him perking up.

“Excessive?” he asks, looking at you and seeing your mischievous smile.

“Wait,” Ellie says. “What’s PDA?”

“Public displays of affection,” you both say simultaneously.

She makes a face.

“Like kissing?” she asks.

You look at her, grinning.

“Yes,” you answer. “And inappropriate touching.”

“Ew.” Ellie mock gags. “Disgusting. I don’t need to see that shit. Keep it to yourselves.”

“Sometimes when two people love each other very much, they can’t help—”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, sappy bullshit,” Ellie interrupts. “I’m good. Don’t look back here. I’m putting on actual clothes.”

About forty miles from Tommy’s, the truck breaks down on a mountain highway with no way to salvage it, having to walk the rest of the way, gathering your belongings for the half-day trek.

Ellie is a delightful conversationalist, telling you about the trip she and Joel made, poking jabs at him here and there that have him looking grumpy and you laughing.

The three of you are on high alert, even while talking, Joel and you gripping your rifles tight with the young girl between you as you walk for a few hours, finding an old abandoned farmhouse to stay in for the night when the sun begins to set.

It’s just your luck that there’s a stream running through the property, and though it’s too cold to fully bathe, you and Joel take the opportunity to wash up with a bar of soap pilfered from the home to get all of the blood and grime off your skin while Ellie explores the house.

There’s tension between you and Joel, and it’s thick, palpable, fueled by the shared looks and finding his eyes on your body more times than you can count; you’re just as obvious with your interest, checking him out at every opportunity, marveling at how his flannel hugs that chest of his, and his jeans making his ass look incredible, your fingers itching to touch him, and feel his warm skin.

To add fuel to the fire, he hasn’t kissed you yet.

Hours you’ve been back together, and not one single kiss to your lips, knowing he wants to, seeing his gaze lingering on your mouth when he talks to you, wondering to yourself what’s keeping him from going for it, and it was taking everything in you not to make the first move.

It has you desperate and aching, just wanting to feel his lips on yours and his arms around you once more, knowing it will be so fucking good, but in the back of your mind, you know his hesitance is Ellie. After what she said on the drive, he didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable, which was sweet of him, but it’s been twenty years, and you’re jonesing for just one kiss.

Inside the house, Joel goes about barricading all of the doors on the first floor with furniture, refusing your help, which leaves you to stand off to the side, getting flustered because the man’s putting on a damn show.

He pushes up his sleeves, allowing you to see his muscles flex as he works, seeing his strength while he manhandles a china cabinet, sinfully grunting, sweat beading on his skin. It has you all hot and bothered, thanking the powers that be, Ellie was in another room going through stuff so as not to see you openly gawking, knowing the girl would give you shit about it.

With the last door secure, he turns to you, wiping at his forehead with the back of his arm, a knowing smile on his lips when he asks, “Is there somethin’ on my face? You’ve been starin’ an awfully long time.”

You narrow your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Yeah, I was staring because you were being a damn tease.”

He matches your stance, crossing his arms and looking amused.

“I was movin’ furniture. How is that me bein’ a tease?”

“You were moving the furniture suggestively. You know exactly what you were doing.”

“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. I was just makin’ sure we’re safe for the night.”

“Uh-huh, right. You’re a damn tease, Joel Miller.”

Three steps, and he’s in your space, your breath hitching when his big hands land on your hips, leaning his face close enough to your own that your noses almost touch.

You’d forgotten how much real estate his palms can take up, your skin tingling under their breadth, arousal burning in your belly.

“You think I was bein’ a tease?” he asks in a low rasp, his eyes moving between yours and your lips.

“Yes,” you breathe.

“Lemme show how much of a tease I can be, baby.”

Your eyes widen.

“Oh god.”

“You drippin’ for me? Thinkin’ about how it felt to have me inside? How I stretched you open? How you always felt me the next day?”

It feels like your skin is on fire, your body so hot, your heart pounding in your chest because now you are thinking about it, and it’s making you throb between your legs.

A whimper falls from your lips as he nudges your nose with his, mouths so close you can feel his breath.

“Bet your panties are drenched for me, baby. Bet you’d love me to slide my hand down them to touch your pretty little pussy, and feel just how wet you are.”

You’re pretty sure you’ll explode if he doesn’t do something, harshly whispering, “Fucking kiss me already, Joel!”

He smiles, chuckling.

“Got you all needy. Alright, I’ll kiss you.”

There’s a possibility your heart might jump out of your chest as he starts moving, knowing what’s about to happen.

“Fuck, I’m starving,” Ellie says as she enters the room. Joel steps away from you, and you cannot stop the strangled whine that comes from your throat. “You okay, Doc?”

Clearing your throat, you turn to face her, smiling.

“Just peachy.”

She seems to accept your answer, a book held in her hands.

“As I was saying,” Ellie starts. “I’m fucking starving. We got anything to eat?”

The three of you shared some jerky on the drive and nothing more, realizing you haven’t had an actual meal since that morning at the hospital, your stomach suddenly growling.

“Seems it’s dinner time,” Joel says. He looks at you, “You brought those rations, right?”

“I did,” you answer, walking to the rundown dining table that you’d plopped your bag onto, Joel’s backpack next to it. Rummaging through what you have, you say, “Looks like we’re having a variety of canned goods.”

“Got any peaches?” Ellie asks.

“Yep!” you answer, grabbing the can.

“Fuck yeah! I call dibs,” she replies, coming over to take it from you.

All of you sit at the table to eat, Joel across from you, Ellie at the head seat, everyone relatively quiet as you chow down, feeling his eyes on you and pretending like you don’t notice.

“What did you find?” you ask her.

She meets your gaze, setting down her fork to pick up the book.

“Something called ‘Jurassic Park,’” she says. “It’s got dinosaurs, which I thought was fucking cool.”

“The movies were really good,” you reply.

Her eyes get bigger.

“They made movies about this?” She holds it up.

“Yeah,” you answer. “Three. I’ve never read the book, though. Let me know how it is.”

“I’m gonna start it tonight after dinner. Did you ever see the movies, Joel?”

He doesn’t answer, too focused on you.

“Earth to Joel,” she says, leaning forward to wave her hand in front of his eyes, his head turning towards her quickly.

“Did you say somethin’?” he asks.

“Yeah.” She’s grinning, clearly amused. “You know, if you stare at her any harder, she might catch on fire.”

His eyebrows dip down.

“I wasn’t starin’,” he grumbles, his elbows on the table while he takes a bite, looking at his can.

“Jesus, Joel, I was not prepared for you being a lovesick fool. It’s honestly gross. Thank god you weren’t like this with Tess.”

His head snaps up as you tense, knowing she’s mentioned that name before.

“That’s enough, Ellie.” His tone’s severe.

You look at him, your eyebrows pinched together.

“Who’s Tess?” you ask.

Ellie’s eyes go big.

“Oh, shit,” she says. “I’m sorry, Joel. I didn’t realize she didn’t know.”

“Who’s Tess?” you ask again.

“It’s alright, Ellie,” He sighs, long and loud, running a hand through his hair. He looks at you. “Tess was my old partner in Boston. She, uh, died on the trip to bring Ellie to the Fireflies.”

“Oh,” you reply, nodding. “The one you’d mentioned. I’m sorry she didn’t make it.”

“It’s just how these things go,” he says.

“Your girlfriend died…” you say slowly. “You’re allowed to be sad about it.”

He grimaces.

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Well, I’m going to finish eating upstairs,” Ellie says, the chair scraping across the floor as she gets up quickly. “You two need to be alone.”

He looks at her.

“You don’t gotta do that,” he replies.

“No, no,” she says, grabbing her can and book. “I am so happy not to be a part of this.” She briskly walks away.

He sighs, pressing his hands to his face.

“What do you mean it wasn’t like that?” you ask. “If you were partners—clearly romantic…”

Meeting your gaze, he answers, “It wasn’t romantic. We cared about each other, we kept each other alive, and occasionally fucked, but there was nothing romantic about it. I didn’t feel that way about her, and can probably count on one hand how many times we even kissed. I didn’t love her. I couldn’t love her.”

You know the answer before you even ask the question, and still, it catches you by surprise.

“Why not?” you ask.

“Because she wasn’t you.”

“Joel,” you whisper.

“You were it for me. You were always it for me, and if I couldn’t have you, then I didn’t want anyone else.”

“It was the same for me,” you reply. “Felt cruel to try and be with someone when I could never love them, so I just didn’t.”

“Yeah. I was always upfront about what I was willin’ to give.”

“Gotta set expectations.” You nod. “Don’t want to hurt feelings.”

He lets out a long breath, looking away.

“Still got hurt anyway.”

“Honestly, if you told me not to fall in love with you, I think I’d just fall harder, so it makes sense.” You shrug. “You’re still a goddamn dreamboat of a man.”

His eyes meet yours again, crookedly smiling.

“Dreamboat?” he asks.

“God, yeah. Look at you. The grey is sexy, and my god, I think you have more muscles than when we were together.”

There’s a change in his gaze, seeing his eyes go darker.

“You wanna find out?” he asks.

“Um, yes, I would very much like to do a study and compare it to previous findings.”

He nods, pointing at your can.

“Finish eatin’.”

“But—”

“Dinner first,” he cuts you off. “Then you can check me out. Gonna need your energy.” He winks, and you gulp, rubbing your thighs together to ease the ache as you do as he says, both of you finishing your food in silence.

Ellie’s upstairs, and the two of you are alone down here, anticipation welling up inside you because you know at some point, everything between you both will finally erupt, and you can tell it’s going to be explosive.

He leans back in his chair when he finishes, resting his hands behind his head, his eyes on yours, waiting for you, and smiling when you push your can away.

His voice is deeper, drawl more pronounced when he speaks. “I was gonna stay down here and keep watch for the night,” he rasps. “You’re more than welcome to rest upstairs if you’re tired.”

He says one thing, but those darkened eyes of his say another.

“We both know I’m staying with you.”

Smiling, he replies, “I hoped you would.”

“There’s no furniture, so we’ll have to get comfortable on the floor.”

“If I remember correctly, you quite enjoyed the floor.” He smirks.

You suck in a breath, memories of the two of you being so turned on by the time you got back to your house, you didn’t make it past the entryway, him fucking you on the rug.

Your skin is burning up, clearing your throat.

“I’ll grab us some pillows from upstairs,” you say, the chair making noise as you get up.

He nods, “Okay.”

Quickly you’re moving, taking the stairs two at a time, figuring out which room Ellie’s in with the door shut, glad she chose one on the other side of the house and managing to find four pillows in the other rooms, hugging them to your chest as you return to Joel.

He’s looking out the living room window, his body tense, taking in his profile, his attention shifting to you when he hears your footsteps.

The center of the living room is bare, the lone couch against the front door, the coffee table pushed against a wall, leaving the space between you and him empty, stopping in your tracks when he faces you.

His shoulders visibly relax, the two of you stuck in place, staring at each other with looks like you cannot believe the other is there and alive. Years of thinking you’d never see one another again, and now you’re in the same room, breathing the same air, feeling so relieved and happy.

Something shifts, both of you realizing you’re alone and don’t have to fear any interruptions, the energy igniting, eyes going dark with want—all of the hours you’ve spent together building up the tension for this very moment, it snapping with the pillows falling to the floor, unable to keep away from each other any longer, closing the distance in quick steps.

His hands cup your face when he reaches you, crashing his mouth to yours, kissing you desperately, feeling his happiness, his joy, each press of his lips telling you he’s happy you’re alive and here with him. The passion has your fingers threading into his grey waves of hair for something to hold onto, gasping when he eagerly licks into your mouth, him groaning when his tongue slides along your own. Your blood is singing in your veins at how right it feels, how familiar it is, twenty years, and you still know how to kiss each other, finding your rhythm, not able to get enough, both so greedy you don’t stop until your lungs ache for oxygen, coming up for air with gasping breaths.

He’s kissing along your jaw, speaking into your skin, “I missed you so fuckin’ much, baby.”

“I missed you, too. Every goddamn day.”

Hands start wandering, needing to feel each other; he’s squeezing and touching anything he can; you’re working the buttons on his shirt and pushing it open to touch his warm skin, mapping out his muscles and the scars littered all over his torso that weren’t there before, wanting to kiss each and every one.

He’s sucking at your pulse point, palming your breast, his other hand grabbing a handful of your ass, your skin buzzing, arousal pooling in your belly.

“I love you,” he rasps as his lips meet yours again. “Never stopped lovin’ you,” he murmurs.

“I love you, too,” your words muffled, moaning when his hand finds its way between your legs, cupping your sex.

“I need you,” he says between kisses. “I’m so fuckin’ hard.” He grabs your hand to press it to his bulge, feeling him straining against his zipper, your cunt clenching at the reminder of just how big he is.

“Oh, god,” you moan. “I’ve missed your dick.”

“I’ve missed bein’ inside you. Wanna feel you again.”

As great as that sounds, your drenched panties indicating just how much you want it—there’s one small problem.

You pull back to see his eyes at half mast and glazed over in lust.

“We can’t fuck,” you say.

He frowns, eyebrows pinching together.

“Why not?” he asks.

“I love you, Joel. I love you a whole hell of a lot—would die for you, but you haven’t showered in days, you’re literally a walking UTI, and as much as I’d love to have that big dick inside me, I am not, risking an infection.” His frown goes deeper. “We can do other stuff, though!” you continue, and that gets his attention. “Hand stuff—no blow job until you’re clean,” you quickly add. He’s thinking it over, the wheels turning.

“I get it,” he finally responds. “You’re the doctor. You know what you’re talkin’ about. After a good scrub, you’d wanna?” he asks, looking hopeful.

“God, yes. I’m praying there’s someplace to wash when we get to Tommy’s.”

He smiles.

“They’ve got workin’ water in the houses—hot water. I can take a shower to get all nice and clean for you, and I’m sure he’ll set us up someplace with a bed.”

“Nobody better need us for a day or two, then,” you say, hooking your arms around his neck. “We won’t be leaving it.”

“Is that so?” He crookedly smiles.

“Oh, yeah. We’ve got time to make up for, and I want to feel you for days.”

He kisses your chin, lightly nibbling on it before trailing along your jaw to your neck.

“You gonna let me fuck you full of me? Fill you up?”

“Until I’m stuffed,” you moan, pussy pulsing at his words.

“Fuck,” Joel groans. “You’re gonna fuckin’ kill me.”

“You love it, though.”

His head comes up, looking you in the eyes.

“Love you more,” he rasps, kissing you hard with his hands on your waist, thumbs playing with the waistband of your scrub pants. “When’s the last time you showered?” His question said into your lips.

“This morning.”

“Thank Christ.”

It’s disorienting how suddenly he pulls back, confusion on your face as he bends, roughly pulling your panties and pants down your legs.

“What are you doing, Joel?” you ask as the cool air hits your bare skin.

“I can’t fuck you, but you didn’t say anything about my mouth.”

He unties your shoes, sending them thudding across the floor.

“You’re gonna eat me out?” you gasp. “Right here.”

You have to hold onto his shoulders for balance as he gets your lower half undressed.

“Right fuckin’ here.”

Once you’re naked from the waist down, he’s groaning as he gets up, kissing you quickly before he moves the short distance to grab a pillow, letting it fall to the floor beside you when he returns, watching as he discards his shirt, and unbuckles his pants, getting them undone.

You can tell he has a plan, knowing exactly what he wants, and you’re happy to go along for the ride. A surprised sound leaves your mouth when he kisses you hard, all tongues and teeth, his body pressed to yours, his hand squeezing your bare ass, while the other moves down your front, moaning when blunt fingers slip through your folds.

“Fuck, you get so wet for me,” he says into your lips.

Your heart is thudding, pleasure radiating in your core as he pushes through your wetness, moaning when he circles your clit, unable to stop from canting your hips into his hand.

“Fuckin’ needy for me, baby.” He nips at your lip before kissing you hungrily, swallowing your soft sounds while your fingers grip his hair.

It’s been so long, and it feels just like you remember. Joel still knows how to play your body, gathering moisture on two fingertips to work against your bundle of nerves, applying the right pressure, circling it just how you liked, his tongue sliding along your own, heightening the arousal, building you up.

With your eyes closed, it feels like you’re back in that little house you had in Austin, him stopping by on his lunch break for a quickie, you both too horny to bother going to the bedroom.

“Wanna feel you come on my hand,” he murmurs.

You whine when he presses one thick finger into you, your hands gripping tighter in his grey waves, when the second one pushes in alongside it, stretching your walls and easing the ache of emptiness.

“Oh, fuck, Joel,” you moan. “It feels so good.”

He pumps his digits, hearing the wet suck of your pussy taking them, it sounding obscene between your legs, him working them in and out, filling you over and over again. His thumb presses into your clit, rubbing it while his fingers work; every nerve in your body lit up, fire burning in your belly, knowing this was going to be quick.

Your tongues are tangling, lost in what he’s doing to you, how he’s making you feel, memories of the past, happiness for the future now that he’s here, all of it overwhelming you, rocketing you towards your release, and he knows your close, has always been able to tell.

His mouth separates from yours to speak, “Open your eyes, baby. Wanna see you come.”

You do as he says, seeing his so dark only a sliver of brown remain, looking at you like you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen in his entire life. Panting breaths filling the air, hearing his fingers, Joel taking up your vision, focusing on him, and only him, the world dropping away, everything else forgotten.

He crooks his fingers, and a second later, he’s hitting nirvana, a strangled moan pulled from your throat, your legs going wobbly at the white-hot jolt of pleasure, him having to hold you against him with his other arm to keep you standing.

“There it fuckin’ is,” he rasps. “Come for me—soak my fingers, baby.”

You tumble over the edge with a cry of his name, waves of your arousal spilling around his digits as you tense up, clenching down on him hard, your body alight in ecstasy.

“So good to me,” he groans. “My good fuckin’ girl.”

His mouth is back on yours, kissing you deeply as he works you through your orgasm, every muscle in your body relaxing, brain a pleasurable haze.

God, you’ve missed him. It’s been way too long since you’ve come that hard, and now that you’ve gotten one, you want more, need more.

He breaks the kiss, removing his fingers from you, and you miss them already.

He’s crookedly grinning, eyes bright.

“Do I still got it?” he asks cheekily.

You giggle, playfully slapping at his naked chest.

“Yes, you’ve still got it,” you reply. “Played me like a goddamn fiddle. Haven’t come like that since…” Your eyes squint while you think. “Well, fuck,” you say. “Haven’t come like that since you.”

His chest puffs up in pride, and it makes you snort.

He steals a kiss.

“Fuckin’ glad I didn’t forget how you like your pussy touched.”

“Obviously, it was important to your survival—gotta know how to shoot a gun and finger pussy.”

He chuckles, moving to look you in the eyes.

“Yeah. Lemme see if I remember how to eat it,” he husks, seeing the hunger in his gaze as he lewdly sucks you off his fingers with a groan making your cunt clench. His digits leave his mouth, “Taste even better than I remember. Can I eat your pussy?”

“Yeah,” you reply, nodding your head.

Thinking about it, you’re pretty sure the last person who gave you oral was Joel. Your body is thrumming in anticipation, feeling your arousal coating your inner thighs, excited because you know it will be good.

He crookedly smiles, tenderly kissing you before he gets onto the floor, his head on the pillow while he lays on his back.

This is where you get confused because you should be the one in that position, right?

Tapping on his chest, he says, “I need you to sit right here.”

That’s when it hits what he wants, and your eyes go wide.

“Joel, we are old. I’ll break your neck.”

He makes a face.

“Stop that. You’re not gonna break my neck. Just cause we’ve aged doesn’t mean you can’t sit on my face.”

“My knees would disagree.”

“That’s what the pillow’s for,” he smirks, patting it.

“Jesus Christ, Joel,” you say, moving to sit where he indicated.

Did you think this was a bad idea? Definitely, but the man is so damn eager that you can’t help but want to give it a go.

He’s looking up at you, his hands on your hips.

“Remember how I like it?” he asks.

“Basically suffocating between my thighs?” you ask with a raised eyebrow.

“Exactly,” he replies, slapping your ass and making you squeak.

“If you need to tap out, you better fucking do it, Joel.”

“Of course, baby. Now get up ‘ere. It’s been twenty years too long since I’ve tasted your pussy.”

“Well, aren’t you just rarin’ to go,” you tease.

“Givin’ me shit about how old I am, and now you’re makin’ fun of how I talk?” He smacks your ass again. “Bad girl. Stop hollerin’ down a well, darlin’, and ride my face—I’m rarin’ to eat your pretty little cunt.”

Your head falls back as you laugh, not at all surprised when hands grab onto your ass and start scooting you closer to his waiting mouth, Joel manhandling you into position.

“That was the most yeehaw you’ve ever sounded,” you giggle, your knees sinking into the cushiony pillow on either side of his head, appreciating that he thought to grab it.

You’re sitting up, hovering over his mouth, shivering when there’s a wet streak of lips pressing kisses along your inner thigh, savoring the scratch of his beard.

Fuck, he’s gonna have you coming quickly; you just know it with how your pussy is throbbing.

“You know I don’t fuckin’ talk like that,” he says below you, kissing your other thigh.

His hands are gripped tight on the globes of your ass, squeezing your plump flesh.

“No, you don—“ the word breaks into a moan as he pulls you down, breathing you in, the hot air ghosting over your sensitive flesh, sparks dancing in your center when he nudges your clit with his nose.

His voice is muffled, “Smell better than I remember,” he groans. “Gotta taste. Sit.”

He’s helping you lower down until you’re touching his skin, not satisfied until his face is fully buried in your sex. You scrabble for something to hold onto at the first swipe of his tongue, your fingers landing in his hair.

“Oh, fuck,” you moan.

One taste and he becomes ravenous, his loud groans vibrating against your heat, obscenely licking and sucking, his hands guiding you so he can slurp up every last drop of your arousal he can get, drinking down everything he can, relishing in the prickle of his facial hair.

It’s so much better than you ever could’ve imagined, the man feasting on you like a starving man, rocking your hips, his fingers digging into your ass, humming appreciatively as electricity ignites under your skin, body vibrating, Joel working you up.

You’re gasping his name, feeling your orgasm build. His lips wrap around your clit, sucking it into his mouth, the pleasure causing your eyes to roll back in your head, moaning loudly, tightening your fingers in his grey waves.

“I’m so close,” you gasp. “Oh, fuck, Joel. It’s so good. You’re so fucking good. I’ve missed you.” You’re so drunk on what he’s doing, you’re rambling. “I’ve missed this. Don’t stop. Make me come.”

You feel him groaning, Joel doubling down and focusing on your bundle of nerves—sucking it, licking it, lips and tongue worshipping you until you’re cresting, body seizing up as euphoria floods your system with a gasp of his name.

His loud, long groan vibrates against your sex, his mouth moving to drink your release straight from the source, pushing his tongue inside of you as deep as possible, licking into you eagerly, wanting to get every little bit of you as he can.

Your body’s trembling, pussy fluttering, panting out breaths, feeling so fucking good as Joel helps you ride out your high.

You can’t remember the last time you’ve had this much pleasure, and it’s intoxicating. You’re used to getting yourself off with your hand when the need arises and have only had a few partners over the years—the sex always quick and to the point, an orgasm never guaranteed, and here was Joel making you come twice in less than an hour.

He’s spoiling you, you’re addicted, you never want him to leave.

Broad strokes of his tongue through your slippery folds has your back arching, surprised he’s still going, knowing it must be hard to breathe down there. Your body is scorching, feeling like you’re burning from the inside out as he licks every inch of you, reacquainting himself with your cunt.

He lifts you up a little, and you hear him take a big breath.

“Ride my tongue, baby.” His voice is rough, strained. “Use me to get yourself off.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m damn sure.” He smacks your ass. “Be a good girl and use me.”

You suck in a breath, pussy squeezing hard around nothing. He doesn’t let you reply, sticking his tongue out and pulling you down on top of it.

Your legs are closed around his head, his beard scratching against your thighs, hanging onto his hair for balance.

Grinding yourself against the flat of his tongue, he lets out a long broken moan, his grip on your ass tightening as you do as he asks, chasing your pleasure, using him, still so sensitive from your previous orgasms that the familiar heat was already growing in the base of your spine.

His mouth is hot and wet, working yourself up, pressing your clit hard against his muscle, moaning at the sparks of electricity shooting through you as you rubbed along it over and over again.

He’s groaning loudly beneath you, and you can tell he’s enjoying this just as much as you are, going faster, eyes squeezed shut, panting out moans. You know your skin will be tender from his beard, and you don’t care—this is worth it, your pleasure heightening, muscles in your belly beginning to tighten, Joel drowning in your pussy.

The sensations overtake you, everything coming together, falling over the edge with a cry of his name. Your legs are squeezing his head so tight as the wave of pleasure rolls through you, starting in your core and spreading to the tips of your fingers and toes.

Joel makes a strangled noise beneath you that has your eyes flying open, almost falling on your face as you quickly move off of him, ending up with your ass on his chest, looking down at him between your legs, your heart hammering in fear that you killed him—his eyes are closed, face completely lax, and glistening from your juices, his arms laying limply at his sides.

“Joel?” You pat his cheek. “I swear to god, Joel, if you die from suffocating in my pussy, I am bringing you back to life to kill you myself.”

“Not dead,” he slurs, eyes still closed.

“Thank god.” You rub your thumbs over his eyebrows and down his cheeks, sliding your fingers into the hair over his ears, him humming contentedly. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Came so fuckin’ hard.”

Your eyes widen, looking behind you to find his softened cock out of his jeans and resting on his stomach, streaks of come painting his skin.

“Oh my god,” you breathe. Looking back at him, you ask in disbelief, “You got off from eating me out?”

“Yeah.” He smiles dreamily. “Fuckin’ love your pussy. Missed it so much.”

You snort, rubbing your finger down the bridge of his nose. With him so relaxed, he looks like your Joel from twenty years ago, and it makes your heart squeeze over all of the time you missed with him.

What would’ve been different if you’d been together when the world ended? Would Sarah be alive? Would the two of you have still survived all these years?

You let the questions disappear as quickly as they came because there’s no point in pondering them. What happened, happened. You’re just thankful that by some miracle you found him again, that you both are now determined to stick together and live whatever days you have left by each other's sides.

“Aren’t you a romantic.” You trace over his wet lips, which are surprisingly soft.

His hand comes up to grasp yours gently, his practically encompassing yours. Featherlight kisses are pressed to each of your knuckles and, finally, your palm. His eyes blink open, all heavy-lidded to look at you.

“Fuckin’ love you more,” he says softly.

You feel yourself melt under his tender gaze, seeing the truth in the dark depths of his eyes.

“I love you, too.”

“Are you guys done fucking?!” Ellie yells from upstairs.

Joel’s eyes go wide, cheeks turning red, and you can’t help but laugh.

“Give us a minute!” you reply.

“Okay!”

“Don’t look so embarrassed, Joel,” you say to him, tapping the tip of his nose. “It’s not the first time we’ve been caught, and I doubt it’ll be the last.”

He groans, pressing his hands to his face.

His words are muffled, “It’s just as embarrassin’ today as it was twenty fuckin’ years ago.”

“Hey, look on the bright side, babe. Ellie didn’t see anything. Remember how scarred Sarah was that one morning you forgot to lock the door? Thank god we were under the covers, but I thought she’d need therapy.”

“Don’t remind me,” he replies, looking at you again. “Taught her to knock, though.”

“Yeah, it did.”

There’s a lot of groaning as you both get up from the floor, knees not as young as they once were, Joel and you agreeing that maybe you guys should stick to fucking on furniture. After a quick search of the downstairs, you’re able to find a relatively clean towel for Joel to clean up with; you're already dressed. He hollers at Ellie that it’s safe to come down after his shirt is put back on and pants are righted.

She stomps down the stairs like she wants to make sure the two of you know she’s on her way, you and Joel standing by the dining table, passing a bottle of water between each other.

She covers her eyes with one hand when she enters the living room.

Joel huffs out an amused breath, shaking his head as he takes a drink when he sees her.

“There’s zero nudity, Ellie,” you reassure her. “It’s safe to look.”

She uncovers her eyes, “Can’t be too safe,” she says. “Last thing I want is to have to gauge my eyes out because I saw Joel’s old ass.” She makes a disgusted face, and you laugh, Joel snorting.

“What happened to spendin’ the evenin’ readin’ your new book?” Joel asks her.

“Ran out of water,” she answers, holding up her water bottle. “I’m fucking thirsty. Please tell me, one of you has extra.”

“Yes!” you respond, turning to get into your bag and grabbing a container of water. “Here you go, kiddo.”

She’s briskly walking over to take it, unscrewing it right away to take a few big gulps, sighing happily when she finishes.

“Fuck, that’s good,” she says, wiping at her mouth. Ellie looks between you both. “Thought I was gonna be stuck up there all night. So, based on how you were all over each other in the truck and the disgusting noises that I wish I could unhear, I’ll take it, Doc, and you are back together?” she asks Joel.

His ears are bright red, clearing his throat.

“That we are,” he answers, not meeting her eyes.

“Are you fucking blushing?” she teases.

“Ellie,” he grumbles, glaring at her.

“I’m just giving you shit, Joel. Hopefully, she can help pull that stick out of your ass.”

He sighs, and she laughs.

“I’m happy for you, ya big ol’ grump. Doc’s great! I see why you like her, and Jesus, I’m not into sappy romantic bullshit, but you guys have a great fucking story.”

“We really do,” you say, looking at him and finding his eyes are already on you.

“That we do,” he agrees, a soft smile on his lips, leaning in to kiss you.

“Oh, gross.” Ellie sounds disgusted, fake gagging. “I’m going back upstairs. I don’t wanna see this, and I definitely don’t wanna hear anything, so please keep it down. Yuck.” She doesn’t wait for a response, walking away.

You pull apart, looking at Joel.

“We’ve scarred another kid,” you laugh.

“I don’t think, too bad, though,” he chuckles.

“No, not too bad. Now, if she saw your old ass, she’d definitely need therapy.”

He frowns.

“My ass ain’t old.”

“I mean…” you pause, leaning to look behind him at it. “It’s still really nice. Like my god, you could bounce a quarter off it, and the way that I wanna touch it.” You straighten, meeting his eyes. “After you shower and I can get you naked, I am absolutely getting a closer look.”

He smirks, setting the water bottle down on the table, so he can pull you into his arms.

“Yeah?” he asks.

“Oh, yeah.”

His head moves closer, hovering his lips over yours.

“When I can get you naked,” he rasps, “I’m spreadin’ you out on a bed and spendin’ hours between your legs, usin’ all that God gave me to make you come so many times you pass out.”

“Is that a promise?”

“You know it is, baby.” His lips meet yours, kissing the air from your lungs.

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