#now that just got philosophical
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Hi I’m sad so I decided to make this super elegant edit…
#it���s real sad hours#electric light orchestra#jeff lynne#this looks so cute oh wowee#the flowers really work here honestly#anyways yeah I’m feeling a little down but other than that I’m doing alright#this picture also makes me kinda sad#he looks like he’s crying#*sigh*#that necklace tho#goals#so yeah I had to make an edit of this specific image to cope with the hardships of life itself#now that just got philosophical#beautiful#I’m also half asleep yay#got up early today so yeah haha my brain cells are losing wakefulness as we SPEAKETH#🥰🥰🥰#why he’s wearing a flower crown?#well it’s 2024 so#a decade from the flower crown trend of 2014 tumblr#it’s an anniversary I guess#💅💅💅
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okay so. plates.
there's a post floating around on here somewhere about a ceramics class where half the students were instructed to make as many pots as possible no matter the quality, and the other half were instructed to make only one high-quality pot. by the end of the class, the students who had made lots of pots were making better pots than the ones who were supposed to make one perfect pot, and the lesson there was that you get better at things by making more things and letting yourself be bad at it, rather than trying to make one perfect thing.
you have to make shitty things because you have to make things, because making things at all is more important than making good things, because making shitty things is how you make better things.
a friend made the joke that "maybe not THAT shitty though, like that's not even a shitty pot anymore that's just a plate," and while i kind of agree (that's a whole different post), i also immediately went another layer deep with the metaphor: even if it's not a pot, a plate will still teach you things. a plate has its own purpose, independent of a pot - it's job isn't to be a pot, it's not going to teach you the same things that a pot would, but it has a purpose too. just because it's not what you wanted to make or meant to make doesn't mean it's not useful! nothing made is ever wasted.
#.lyr#exactly two people have the full context of the conversation that got me thinking about this#sorry our jokey conversations on late night vc got me thinking about what it means to create. yeah its all philosophical now. sorry :/#(/j)#idk i just have a lot of thoughts ab what it means to make things. to be someone who makes things.#no creation is ever wasted actually. yeah even the really shitty ones that are actually plates.#and if youre still making stuff? youre doing really really good. doesnt matter if its plates or pots or anything else.#youre making things. thats the important part.
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I can't escape
history will always repeat itself
like I remember seeing the tmnt fandom blow up because of the rottmnt movie, remembered my little cousin watching episodes of 2012, and was just curious on what kind of fandom they are
i ended up in months of brainrot, trying to learn more of the different timelines and iterations, i was in deep
transformers blew up because of a new movie, i was curious, i remembered that same little cousin watchin an episode of prime
fuck
i am knee deep into star trek right now, i didn't even finish the tmnt series
brain
i'm begging you
i can't handle two large franchise series right now
transformers is way too much
fuck it
i blame transformers fans for being so passionate and transformers for being my cup of tea
#i both hate and love my life right now#i just love#exploration of morals and philosophical questions in my media#i also love lore that is ingrained in the text#i also just got access to the natm novels#so now its 3 large franchise#yes im counting irl history as part of the natm franchise#transformers#tmnt
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In terms of Christmas gifts, dad has a really poor taste.
(he gave us all covid)
#covid#dad brought it home from a business trip#mom has been miserable for a few days#and now I woke up with a sore throat today and it's been downhill since#we've only found out its covid today because mom still had some self-tests and decided to take one#the teenagers are still alright despite being home longer than me#so either bitches got better immune system or just got lucky so far#(I did spend a lot of time with mom before her symptoms started because I haven't been home for 3 weeks)#(and that means 6 hours of philosophical conversation where we agree with each other on basically everything)#(and still wind up getting super heated about it)#(it's all in good fun. I just get very passionate about some things)#(and then we get stuck in a feedback loop trying to match each other's energy)
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I just wanna say that. there’s something incredibly morbid and gross about the fact that bones took away literally the only thing Sigma had to his name before the casino: his past. And not only his past itself, but his right to narrate his own past. Instead, the TWO lines they do keep about it (about him naming himself Sigma, and finally finding his one place to call home, the casino).... are given to Fyodor to say. Fyodor, his most recent manipulator in a long, long line of manipulators.
And not even just his past, but by extension so many of his strong, strong emotions about himself and what he’s been through and how they’ve made him into the person he is now: his fear, his sorrow, his desperation, his determination, his righteous indignation. His pain. The majority of that is all gone from the anime.
Sigma barely has a story of his own; his past, his suffering, and his emotions are the only things he has claim to, that make him who he is. And bones took even those away from him. Flattening him into an empty piece of paper, ironically, just like he was born from and as.
#bungou stray dogs#sigma#if you can't tell i'm mad lol#just like everyone else is#and will continue to be mad for a long long time#also in this same category: bones dehumanizing dazai by always cutting the moments where he shows true human emotion/vulnerability#because he always has to look ~cool~ and like an untouchable god#when that is literally antithesis to his entire character arc and dazai himself struggles to see himself as human#(only just now finally starting to accept that in chapter 105.5)#but i'm getting off-topic point is it's really gross and what they did to Sigma is in the same vein#the mangas and light novels are so kind and humane and empathetic........ and the anime is just nah what if we skipped all that lol#just focus on the cool flashy shit!!!!! ain't got time for all these ~feelings~ and deep complex philosophical concepts!!!#sometimes it feels like they get it (mushi's episodes and yosano's were a fluke istg) but most of the time they Don't#anyway i was writing that sigma fic anyway but it's especially fitting in light of how the anime treated him :))))#he deserves to be Mad. Enraged even.
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bad wolf soda <3
#level of obsession reached where i zoom in on screenshots to see what shes reading#p sure that says kierkegaard in white but thats as far as im getting#'first existentialist philosopher'#okay i really gotta find out what the fuck existentialism really means now bc carmilla seems to like it#'related to the meaning purpose and value of human existence.#Common concepts in existentialist thought include existential crisis dread#and anxiety in the face of an absurd world and free will as well as authenticity courage and virtue.'#SCREAM OKAY I SEE I SEE#kierkegaard beauvoir sartre nietzsche camus yep p sure those all get mentioned#okay this is fun#kierkegaard was like an existentialist before the word and hes from the first half of the 19th century#dont know if you can call vampires contemporaries of people bc....immortal. but carmilla was a contemporary of him#technically#and then when existentialism gets named halfway the 20th century carmilla has just escaped her blood coffin punishment#and so shes alone for a little bit without direction. perhaps free or perhaps waiting for mother to show up again#it's fun that existentialism seems sort of to be abt there being a choice abt who you want to be#that youre not defined by an essence. that What You Are is not defined pre what you do#so you can shape yourself#it's interesting the tension between that belief and the position carmilla is in. no wonder theres self-loathing#but also! she starts resisting the What She Is that is imposed on her. after 1945. starts sabotaging plans#i gotta go download some books#'ive got a talk i wanna catch on goethe' hang on im googling#1749-1832 she lived through that too#oh right faust and young werther i know of those#'Goethe admitted that he 'shot his hero to save himself' a reference to Goethe's near-suicidal obsession for a young woman a passion he que#relatable#god theres so much to read in the world and i have not read any of it#carmillaposting#i wonder what she'd write her dissertation about
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Holy shit, where the FUCK did that come from.
#dont mind me i just got a moment to be philosophical and a bit poetic in the fic and now im just staring at it like#damn the void be shitting out pretty prose today#thank you void#(my brain)#talking about my wips
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#It's after midnight but I went to the Met Opera in theaters and saw Der Rosenkavalier#And now I'm completely hyped up on the sounds of three gorgeous female voices#And I want to SING but it's MIDNIGHT and my parents are trying to sleep lol#And I don't know what it was about that opera because let's be honest the plot is pretty silly (as per usual)#But I'm kind of obsessed because while being Very Silly it was also Existential#And I don't usually say this but music and poetry really can elevate extremely dumb human choices to the level of the universal can't they#And then there's something sublime there suddenly#Mozart does this too but it was a different time and not quite So Existential#Example: half of the first act is basically just the Marschallin having a philosophical and emotional crisis about the nature of time#Anyway all I know is I got hit over the head by it as with a brick and now I'm seeing stars
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now that i'm done having an identity crisis i've gotta say i'm kind of amused by how many times it just entirely lost the plot. like. i went from 'okay but like what is my personality. who am i just as a person' to 'genuinely how would i know if i'm plural i dont think i am but How Would I Know' to 'WHAT IS THE FUNDAMENTAL NATURE OF THE (alter)HUMAN SOUL. &WHAT IS MINE'. like. girl
#spire rambles#anyways my conclusion is. shrugs. i'm just spire and maybe i don't know quite what that entails but. maybe that's fine#honestly? when im not overthinking it i can name several distinct personality traits of mine. so.#i'm Me. and maybe autism makes that a bit harder to get a clear picture of. so?#i can't define the personalities of most of my friends; either; they're just Them. i'm not special.#i have some things i need to work on; so i'll work on them. people pleasing is one of those things. other than that...?#well. 'what is the nature of identity and the soul' is a question that has been pondered by philosophers for millenia#i dont think it's all too pressing an issue for me; a random teenager; to figure out#is this a vent..? nah i don tthink so.Just talking really#im done feelingbad. not all of my brain has gotten the memo yet sure (glares at ocd very hard) but. ive come to a Conclusion goddammit#so now im just talking about that.yknow.idk man i just got up
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ah yes. the morally correct torture. the torture that goes right up to the line but doesn't cross it. that torture.
#also like. the claim that chang ci'an's finger would've been the appropriate equivalent of xue yang's is just.#do you also think we ~all have the same 24 hours in a day~?#half the point of xiao xingchen saying that is that he was *wrong*#(that convo had both of them regressing in their responses imo - xy emotionally and xxc philosophically/in his understanding of the world)#but that's another topic I'm getting distracted#bc seriously. we try to point out that the protagonists tortured people and the response coming back is 'torture is good sometimes' istg#(''I just got my degree from torture college and now you all decide it's ineffective it's evil fuck off'' etc etc)#the things I see with my own two (nonconsensually-donated-by-a-friend) eyes....#I mean this is more pointed than I usually like to be on here but Come On#content is for other people
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The plot thickens...
The thing here is, I'm almost certain that wasn't what Alphonse was going to say (I assume he wanted to say something about how trying to bring back Trisha wasn't comparable to this at all... I'm reminded of 12-year-old Ed with Tucker)
But a not unfair point is being made in the context of the military/Ed and Al's involvement with it. Thus far, the Elric brothers haven't liked the military, but as such have seemed to feel that their being tied to it (and appropriately disliked) for each other's sakes is a necessary sacrifice/a mature choice (as I've said before, they seem to view maturity/kindness as equivalent to ignoring your own wants or needs for someone else).
But I think when Lust equates sacrificing the prisoners with Ed being a state alchemist (and Al having wanted to be one), it puts things in a bit more perspective for Ed? Because Ed + Al are far from the only people at risk here... It's not just about their lives, it's about the people who the military is actually targeting-in this specific instance, these prisoners
So Ed refusing to follow orders with this in mind (even when Al was on the line) was probably the primary reason why Scar chose to help him escape (though ofc Scar seeing himself and his brother in Ed and Al was also part of it)
#there's a quote later on that ties into this a lot#but tbh I don't fully remember the context it was said in so I'll wait till I've gotten that far to comment on it#every time I try to analyze this series in any way I wonder. is all of this just obvious but also simultaneously incoherent#adrien says stuff#fma#fma 03#fma rewatch#idk#Definitely talking to Marcoh and that guy from ep16 Ed has admitted that his journey was foolhardy#and obviously by this point he's been considering the moral ramifications of the philosopher's stone for a while now#but for the most part thus far he has given very little thought on whether or not he can morally be a state alchemist#well I mean. in the flashback he did quit over Nina#but I mean more recently with him entirely rejecting Scar's beliefs by default#sorry this post was meant to be about Elric brother views on maturity + Lust's thoughts on humanity but I got distracted#headcanons analysis au ideas and such
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if laughing was a sport i just ran a marathon binging half of gekkan shojo nozaki kun
#please i just sent 10 inconprehensible wheezing with several words that i managed to blurt out to provide them a twinge of context of what#im laughing at cuz i was shaking quaking kicking the wall slapping the table laughing my ass off trying to hold my phone up to my computer#to show them the manga panels#legit if you got diarrhea stay 100 feet away from this manga you are going to shot yourselves#my everything is in pain from so much laughter i can emphathize with that philosopher who literally died of laughter now i couldnt breathe#for a minute there just complete silence as i wheezed so hard i almost coughed out a lung#i found the essence of immortallity i just gained 30 years from laughing at this manga#you lose calories when you laugh apparently i just lose 2kg from chapter 76&78#gekkan shoujo nozaki kun#gelkan shojo#manga#manga rec
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what are your favourite genres for books/manga?
#out of curiosity …#mine is probably science fiction i think…#i love sci-fi and fantasy paired together esp when it has dystopian/philosophical elements#i especially love it more when it’s not just doom and gloom and gets us attached to the characters and shows us soft warm moments in the#midst of a far away fantasy scenario#little mushroom DEFO started my love for sci-fi#i’m now reading city of last chances by adrian tchaikovsky#i would love to write a story someday combining elements of the physics of the world with fantasy it’d be soooo cool#haven’t rly read much sci-fi manga tho🤔 it’d be so cool if we got witch hat atelier esque sci-fi manga waaaaahhg
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food acquired! food... please go down okay
#now that my immediate stomachache is being addressed i can worry about whether ive offended the therapist im meant to see next month (:#why you may ask? bc we were going to see each other earlier this year but i got established w someone else at the practice#and now present therapist is taking a month off and my busted ass has to keep going to therapy if at all possible#so idk it might be nothing! it is much more likely that they just havent replied for non malicious reasons but there's the faint possibilit#ive dug myself into some unfavorable hole again#anyway the food might gross you out? idk. applesauce with some jello powder sprinkled in for flavor#to me that's a comfort food. you don't have to like it but please dont make fun of me for it#food cw#therapy cw#waxing philosophic
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been in my hometown for the first time in ages today and i can't even put my finger on why, but it was surreal.
#lily talks#i've lived there for 19 years#and it's been a while since i've moved away but before it never felt weird coming back#but now it just seems like this odd mix of home and unfamiliar bc naturally a lot of things have changed#weird#(<- gets stressed by changes)#though thinking about it i can't really say whether the place changed or if i did#sorry for the weird philosophical tangent#but today has been a day#like there had been a lot of things i wanted to do while i'm there but i got so overwhelmed that i just left after running my most#important errands#which feels like such a waste bc i know that in the future i'll only be more busy and there will be less and less time to du stuff like thi
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Oh I have consumed too much Christian discourse I need to have gay sex immediately
#it is an ecclesiastical emergency#original#i got more or less the answers i needed and a good deal more i didn't need. it all comes down to faith now.#which is to say faith is rather hard to debate and so i am politely excusing myself now#it was a cult i grew up in too much discourse is bad for the belly#at least the christian kind anyway. i doubt I'd have such a reaction to buddhist discourse but either way all the religions appear to have#the same amount of conclusive evidence. which is to say they are faiths so they don't work on an evidence based system#but the REAL point here is i feel kinda gross now and my immediate instinct is to suck a thousand dicks#boy i really have changed huh#hmmmmmmm#i have limited options because i am very sick but I'll just have to like. suck a dick for the devil later i guess.#dicks....#i tried to take in more of the densely philosophical responses - which to their credit were apparently well made and with good will#but my brain started shutting down and was like i need my tongue to be. in a cunt. NOW.#fuckin A#shitpost#anyway i still think if there is a god then he is a real bastard. which i think is actually what Gnosticism is!#but as interesting as that would be i think there are enough cruel and powerful beings to explain things as is#man i miss sucking cock i need to work on getting healthier just for that. it's not that it's hard to find cock it's that i would rather#something something funny joke than go on grindr again. yipes. not my bag personally
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