#idk man look it was just nice to have such a human honest conversation with someone that im not

[ashersbraincell]

Mannnnn, only on roblox will you have the most profound, poignant, human conversation in a while, all the while talking to somebody with a troll avatar who you started conversation with cautiously because you didn’t know whether they would harrass you/be weird

[eggroll-sama]

Touchstarved Demo Review

Played the demo of Touchstarved and I can’t get it out of my head. Refreshing tumblr every three seconds to read people’s stances on the game so I’m going to do it myself. Here’s are my current stances on the characters.

KURAS

Rather secluded and to himself, initial reactions wise I was disappointed in not getting to know more about him in the demo. but at the same time, the demo set the stage for what exactly I could expect from his route. Slow-burn. Much like what I expect Mhin’s route to be like, but moreso focused on getting to know his past. He doesn’t voice his internal struggles because he has a firm barrier he sets between himself and other, probably hates getting too close to human’s because he is immortal and doesn’t like the idea of getting attached to things that are temporary.

Also, after listening to the Q and A on YouTube and how supposedly Kuras will do some messed up shit in his route, I’m really excited to see what’s up with this tight-lipped doctor. He is definitely not the nice, charitable doctor that he is known for in Lowtown.

On a positive note, his design is probably my favorite in the game! Very unique, gorgeous, and ethereal, so pretty that I know if he existed in real life he’d be out of my league and would be popular just because of how jaw-droppingly gorgeous he is. Mr Steal your girl, but he’s respectful so he won’t be a home wrecker.

(More reviews under the cut)

LEANDER

A character that I thought looked so suspicious and weirded out, but fell in love with when playing the game. I thought he looked like a psychopath!

Because I’m a stupid, easily manipulated dumbass, I initially didn’t really capture his red flags when playing the demo. Every time he let me touch him, my heart beat wouldn’t stop! And his blush is so adorable. He seemed like the trustworthy nice-guy that just wanted to help a poor soul out. And uh, chest. The chest really had an effect on me and his entire outfit didn’t help. Black turtle necks awaken something in me, yknow? And the belts? Hoe energy.

After replaying the demo a few times, it just stands out to me how much of a player he is. Before realizing MC was at the bar because of Kuras, he was in flirting mode and probably considering MC to be part of his escapades. The disappointment in his tone and face when he found out MC was there for business 😂😂.

We get the most information of Leander from the special conversation with the characters so I am quite pumped to know what exactly this guy is about, cuz each person has varying, colorful opinions on him. I find it so funny that Vere, the most flirtatious in the game, is weirded out by shameless Leander is. Maybe that is Leander’s flaw? The leader of the Bloodhounds, envied by many and respected by most, is the most submissive and horny bitch on the planet. Ok ok, I’m done. But I could go on and on about this man.

(Side note, Mhin and Leander definitely had a drunken one night stand. And Mhin absolutely regretted it)

Even after reading all the theories on how sus he is, his interactions were probably my favorite in the entire game. I’m just so intrigued by him.

VERE

Not the biggest fan of Vere. I’m not into animal ears and tails.

Im going to be honest in real life I would be flustered by Vere’s advances and probably feel a sort of fascination towards him echen to attraction, but he’s not really the type that I want to romance in games. Also the fact of the matter is is that sexual innuendoes just not my thing, especially when it comes to first impressions. And my first impression was getting my key stolen so nice.

Irl Vere can be acquaintances at most. I would be there just to hear the juiciest details about some drama. He would always have some snarky comment that would make me laugh. I love some dark humor. But at the same time, he’s dangerous af. I wouldn’t want to get too close to him. He has major issues and idk when he would snap, that’s the scary part! If I tease him playfully and he was not in the mood, off goes my head.

I like his relationship with Ais, adds more juiciness to the story. Love me some love triangles. Reminds me of Rime and Felix relationship in Last Legacy.

I would like the challenge of winning him over though. Because his route would probably be so unpredictable and challenging, I feel more motivated to play and invest in his story

AIS

I love his character design! Probably my second favorite in the game. Ais exudes confidence, competence, and strength. Major main character vibes from Ais. I’m guessing that’s why Leander hates him. HOW DARE YOU BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION, LITERALLY THE CENTER OF ALL THE PROMO ART YOU FUCKIN BASTAR-

I personally do not feel that much of a love connection towards Ais as much as Leander. More like, I chill with you. I could grab a drink with you and talk about life. Yes. Maybe when I play his route they’ll prove me wrong. Im still curious about him so can’t wait to play his route. But I don’t see much of a red flag in him as the others, he just seems like a chill guy that went through hell. I’m guessing he’ll show his dark sides in his route.

It’s concerning that he’s attracted to Vere cuz Vere is…Vere. Problematic. Chaotic. An Asshole. Hmmm, is Ais technically an enabler? Yes, but Ais also starts bar fights. They’re both bad. It’s also interesting how generally people would say ethically good qualities on why they are attracted to someone but no, Ais is just like “yeah he’s an asshole, you can trust him just don’t listen to anything he says.” It’s hilarious. That also contrasts with Leander’s bio how he sees Vere as a damsel in distress cuz he’s delusional and has white knight syndrome, while Ais sees people who they are because he’s the black sheep “that have the clearest view of the world.” That’s probably why Vere loves him. Ais is the only person that sees his crappiness and still likes him. What a Chad :,)

MHIN

They reminds me of a friend I have. Quiet, standoffish, takes time to open up, a MASSIVE sweet tooth. I really want to pet their heads but I know they’re going to smack it away if I even try to touch. 😭😭

Mhin, the angsty teen. Considering Mhin’s bad temperament and similar curse thing with MC, I’m going to guess it’ll have major Beauty and the Beast vibes. Tempermental Mhin and MC who would turn them into a better person and teach them how to love themselves, with or without the curse.

The friendship with Mhin and Kuras make a lot of sense. Mhin feels at peace with Kuras cuz he’s a good listener and the only introvert in the friend group. Mhin needs someone that won’t try to annoy them like Leander or Vere. But I remember listening to the stream with the developers, and they were saying how terrible Kuras is and can’t wait for people to find out about it. Will Mhin feel betrayed when they find out the truth about Kuras? Do they already know? So many questions.

[ddmmyuta]

nakamoto yuta as a boyfriend…

warnings: little bit (ok a lot) nsfw, fluff, love, affection, swearing

lowkey my fave thing to think about is yuta as a boyfriend like… yes sir! anyways, I feel like yuta honestly cares so much for you, like you are his flower in a desert you know? he remembers stupid shit like your favorite candle or your favorite chapter of a book, but you love that cause it’s cute. he is a simp…oofff! his favorite thing is seeing you wearing his clothes and when you are chewing food his little brain just implodes like you are so fucking adorable. he can’t take his hands off of you… holding hands, hand around waist, playing with your hair, rubbing your thighs, kissing your cheek… he just needs to touch you like…!

I think yuta is the type of guy that lets you decide where to eat and so on…but with important crap he would want to be involved in all the situations. he is clingy but you like it cause he smells nice and he just makes you feel safe. like honestly how can you not feel safe around a man so considerate and respectful? he also likes it when you two have deep conversations, I feel like he enjoys getting to know you spiritually and emotionally more than most boyfriends do.

ok time to get kinda nasty (maybe, maybe not idk)! he doesn’t have a perfect way to describe you… pretty, sexy, cute, hot, beautiful, like he can’t choose one definition cause you are a ambidextrous bitch that can do it all (we love that)! you are the prettiest for him when you are eating or watching a movie… like girl he didn’t even get to watch that movie his eyes were glancing at your fucking gorgeous face! gonna go deep in and just say that making out is his number 1 hobby, like homeboy does that shit like rent is due. he enjoys it though… well I mean who doesn’t? make out sessions last min 15 minutes, max 45 minutes and it usually leads to the sideway salsa, but I will talk about that another time! if you are a female I’d say he likes tits… just gonna be honest with y’all. if you are a man I feel like he’d like your thighs… he likes any size though!

dates will usually be at your/ his/ you two’s house watching a movie and fucking but if he feels super romantic he will take you to some fancy restaurant, museum or like a stargazing (aww that is so cute). he is the type to split tasks: cleaning, cooking, laundry… you both do a bit of each in order to make it easier for one another… like y’all are one of those couples who look forward to doing laundry or cooking cause it either ends up into a funny thing or you end up fucking on the washing machine (as y’all should slay).

in conclusion… this man is like Heaven in human form, you’re his princess/prince end of story!

little song that fits this idk:

[swordmunch]

the episode "the fugitive" from The Twilight Zone is absolutely bonkers fucking insane and like not in a good way

TW for stranger danger and abelism

okay so like I get it was "a different time" or whatever and a YouTube comment or two said that this was reminiscent of a nice cute wholesome fairytale story from when they were young or whatever...

BUT

it's got some suuuuper creepy stranger danger (and with it SA) subtext

oh my got whatttt

so like this grOWN ADULT MAN (over 1000 years????? and also he looks 50ish in human years???) is friends with these TINY LITTLE CHILDREN can't be more than what 11?

and this grown adult man lives in the same apartment as this kid, Jenny, so it's not that weird that they're friends but like. idk it rubs me the wrong way (...because of the rest of what happens)

so like there are these policemen that come and ask Jenny's aunt about Ben, the grown adult man friend, and Jenny r a c e s out of the apartment (she's also grounded) up to Ben's apartment (? unsure if it's really an apartment; it's just one room)

so she goes up to Ben's apartment/bedroom (! >:|) and they have a conversation about how HE IS A FUGITIVE

and THEN when the police come knocking on Ben's door, he transforms into a mouse and she picks him up in hides him (in her hand)

she then takes him to hER BEDROOM and they have another conversation about how he's a criminal and that he has to leave before the police catch him! and she's just like. alright then adult man, I trust you (*^-^)b

(ʘ̥_ ʘ̥)

other context: Jenny has a lame leg. previously she was asking him why he didn't heal it if he had these other magic powers (transformation into "horrible" monsters to play with the several park children he played with)

he says he didn't because that would give [the space police] his location, and now it's okay because he has to leave and find a different planet to hide out on

hhhhhh I do not particularly want to describe the events around him healing her leg. but I will because I want someone to share my pain jeSUS

okay. so. he takes off her socks n shoes and brace. cut to the aunt making dinner. from outside Jenny's bedroom, she hears Jenny go "Will it hurt? Be careful!" .ʕʘ‿ʘʔ.

I'm just leaving it at that because the SA implications are already enough for meeeee

so MOVING ON.

so he heals her leg, turns into a fly, and escapes out her window.

Jenny once again races outside the apartment (this time without her leg brace! /derogatory) she runs right into the two cops who KNOCK HER UNCONSCIOUS AND LEAVE HER FOR DEAD

literally. the aunt calls a doctor and he like checks her heart and her legs and then goes "whelp. this is beyond my expertise, her pulse is slowing, and I'm just gonna go. not call my colleagues and get her more professional help. just. leave"

after that EXTREMELY unprofessional man leaves, old man comes back in fly form and heals her. Jenny is overjoyed that old man came back, and then the two police guys are right behind them.

but nOPE turns out they're not police guys and Creepy Old Man is, in fact, a King. of an entire planet, presumably. and the "space police" are his subjects trying to get him back because he was a. good ruler.

they say they were okay hurting Jenny because they "knew [Creepy Old Man] would come back to heal her" or whatever

like,,,,what if he didn't? Were they just gonna be. okay. with leaving this little girl for dead? Because it sounds a lot like they were okay with just leaving this girl for dead, to me

I don't think this is even the worst part.

because he abducts her

he asks the subjects to "leave the room for one minute so I can talk to Jenny"

so then he turns into Jenny. and when they come back, one says, "[they'll]" have to take both of [the "Jennys"]" now the other one talks, "because the council wouldn't like it if [they] brought back the wrong one"

SO THEY TAKE BOTH OF THEM

and okay sure she eventually grows up to be "an honest to goodness queen" but like oKaY???

Jenny still spoke to Creepy Old Man and brought him into her room when she thought he was a fugitive!!!!!!!

I have no substantial thoughts besides "what the fuck" for this episode because I am too tired (physically and emotionally) to dissect the meat and potatoes of how fucked up this episode is

[imjustabeanie01]

Matchup to @averagetoyakinnie !

Hope you enjoy reading lmao...please ignore the obvious 4AM toll

SOLOMON

The sly and funny sorcerer. This man is charismatic and flirty, he generally gets along with everyone (and more if affinity ahem-). I choose him because he’s versatile and caring if it makes sense.

How you met: Let’s follow the plot shall we? (date. Okay sorry I’ll stop). Solomon always has a comeback when you’re being sassy with him and just seems to know what people are thinking. He’d be the one to show you around and would encourage you to break the rules if it’s not too dangerous. Seems casual right? Yeah and it would’ve stayed that way if it wasn’t for…asmodeus! Come on, in the house of lamentation both of you would easily get along. He’d be the type to drag his two favorite humans along to his shenaningans (idk how it’s pronounced). The trouble trio lol. It would prompt you and Solomon to spend more time together and get to know each other. He is into anime/manga and gaming as we saw with Levi. The fact that you’re also dad friend but also fun and entertaining would put him more at ease with you because he doesn’t have to pick up slacks or worry about you getting in serious trouble lol. I think you’d be the one to fall first. Or that asmodeus would notice the tension between both of you and will try to pair both of you together until he succeeds. Now I also thought that it could start as a FWB type of thing if you feel up to it. Because Solomon has these kind of friendships and it’s highly possible that Asmodeus would propose it

In a relationship: Something nice with you and Solomon is that you have a lot in common and he’s also a very curious individual in general so this definitely won’t be a problem as I can see you two enjoying the same hobbies and having fun. He’s a tease so when you give him words of affirmation you can expect him to act all flirty as a thank you, or very soft in rare moments lol. He’s an intellectual and can definitely keep up with all your conversations. He’s also the type who knows when in a bad mood and somehow manage to lift if up. You act feminine? So what? He’s gonna enjoy it with you he doesn’t care. I mean….he is good friend with asmodeus. He likes it. He’s also gossipy lol (you see these videos with a partner coming home and saying I got the tea? Yeah it’s the two of you). You two acted like an old married couple rather quickly lol. Solomon love language seems to be more in acts of service to be honest. But if he notices that you prefer words of affirmation he will switch to it. I can also see him bringing you a small gift each time he goes out. The biggest problems in the relationship is, as you guessed it, his immortality and ability to open up that are linked. It will always be here unfortunately unless he manages to break the curse or you somehow get cursed which he might be against because it’s not something you’d appreciate (personally I don’t mind but I can understand why some would). Also, I see him as someone who would take time to become exclusive. As we saw in obey me, most of the cast doesn’t mind the mc having multiple lovers so yeah it could be an issue.

CEASAR:

*proceed to throw a big cross at the post. Sorry not sorry lol*

Yeah a Zepelli. Considering who the second options were, you shouldn’t be surprised that you got the casanova lol. Ceasar is a big romantic and also a loyal friend. He’s determined, brave and willing to sacrifice himself for his goals.

How you met: Okay let me cook. I see both of you being childhood friends. Perhaps you grew up and joined him in his adventure to learn Hamon or you two met again years later when he was back (I had an idea that you were a model and he saw you in a magazine and that’s how he knew where you were but don’t know if you’d accept it lol. In short he saw the magazine when he came back and looked for you again). You two had lots of adventures together and often flirted with each other. It’s not uncommon to find you both enjoying yourselves and talking loudly without a care in the world. He definitely broke more rules after you met again. He always protects you in fights and you patch him up in exchange lol. If anyone were to insult you or your style they can expect one hell of a beating. I think he’d ask you out after a dangerous mission where he saw how scared he was of losing you.

In a relationship: Not much would change, he’d just be more romantic just as you like it because his love language is words of affirmation and gift giving. It’s giving la boheme vibes. He might not be able to keep up with you if you get into deep conversations but he will validate you and ask about it. He’s curious to know how you think and eager to make you happy. You two being so sarcastic and able to finish each other insults would be soooo funny. I can see him enjoying music with you and taking you to fairs to dance together. He might not be much into mystery or board games but he is competitive enough to participate and enjoy his time with you. Ohhh imagine you both laying under the stars and he makes you a flower crown. Personal headcanon, he doesn’t handle spicy food. Now for the bad parts here…he is too goal oriented and also won’t hesitate to leave you behind if it’s to protect you or accomplish his goal. Just as we saw with joseph unfortunately….better be able to calm him down from his reckless behavior.

MITSUYA:

He’s more stable than Kakucho. That’s literally the only reason lol.

How you met: Since you wanted future setup we’re gonna follow that. And thankfully, mitsuya usually shares the same future. You were his model, his first official model if you know what I meant. He always called you when he had your style in mind or an outfit that could fit you. Heck I can even see both of you having photoshoots together because he works with you a lot and you get along with his little sisters (he started working young so it’s to be expected that you met them before). As much as he tried to keep it professional, it’s difficult to do so with someone you see that often so you two are bound to talk and befriend each other. He always makes sure your favorite beverages are present and when he receives invitations to events like dinner he found himself thinking about you and eventually kept inviting you. He appreciates your sarcasm and independence when working with you because he knows you mean well and you’re honest too! This basically went from work to lovers in the span of many years. After perhaps many relationships you two found comfort in each other’s and it just clicked. He was always embarrassed if you started acting flirty with him but in the end he reciprocated and you asked him out.

In a relationship: He tries to keep it private so the paparazzi would leave you alone. He’s more open with you and often surprised you with dates at homes as well as flowers every week. If you get along with kids and like them (contrary to me), it won’t be unusual to find you playing with his sisters some board games and he’d join you. I think he low key sucks in video games. He will try for you but still…You two would definitely bond over art. You’re like his muse after all. He’d encourage you to draw and do music and in the future I can definitely see him dedicating a room for your hobbies. He’s more of an introvert so when you’re overactive he sometimes struggle to keep up, thankfully you’re willing to help him out lol. You’d definitely be the reason why he goes out more. Both of you being the therapist friends would make for a healthy relationship because you both have no issues sharing your problems. Be prepared to be surprised if you didn’t know he was in a gang. His friends will definitely be very curious about it. I can’t see much issues because he is such a green flag….

NANAMI:

Ok it was between him and choso not gonna lie. But nanami sounded more fun. I know that you’d think no but we might not get along as he is uh…pretty brutal. But we all saw how nice he really was so no excuse here. Gojo and you would cause trouble. Nanami is more down to earth and is the best calm you can get.

How you met: AT WORK. No just kidding. He’s too professional. You were neighbors. Now considering how nanami is….breaking the ice is very very difficult…..annoyingly so. I’d like to believe it happened when he came back exhausted from work and you were nearby to listen to him and give him advices over a nice drink. At the start it was just that, the two of you sharing your troubles and talking. And then one day when he saw you interested in one of his favorite restaurant he proposed to take you there. In a flirty voice you asked if it was a date and…he softly admitted that it was. Bet he left you speechless huh?

In the relationship: You’re most likely the one who’s gonna initiate the most because this old man gets tired easily. He can keep up with you and will always plan at least one date a week (he prefers indoor dates) as well as give you little gifts that remind him of you or he thinks would be useful for you but his job is very tiring. If you’re also a jujutsu sorcerer he’d be very worried. It’s a dangerous job and he’d probably ask you if you want to quit or ask to be with you on missions. He loves that you’re independent because otherwise it would be rather difficult otherwise to be honest. You two share lots of common points (I am sure he’d appreciate reading if he had more free time) and I can see you two having such a domestic life together caring for each other. Yes he can keep up with you and will enjoy a good debate but after the headache that is his job he likes coming home to enjoy time with his lover. The reason why he is still fighting. He is also the type to just kiss you to calm you down or to invite you for a fluffy moment lol.He is definitely interested in the arts and cooking. He’d slowly learn your other hobbies (dunno how you will get him into video games lol). I definitely believe he would start enjoying life more with you around. And you would earn a loyal lover. The only issue is his job…I don’t think I need to elaborate much as to why…

ANGEL DUST:

Since you already told me how you wanted your life to be in both hazbin and helluva, I’ll skip the introduction part a little.

Okay so for sweet angel dust, he tried to flirt with you first lol. I’d say you stayed at the hotel and he preferred you from all the people there so you spent a lot of time together. You are two trouble makers who get along. I thing that you’d argue a lot because Angel has problems and is always trying to ignore them with bad habits, he may even insult his friends in the process. But he is not irredeemable and if you scream at him enough you can make him see reason and that he is worth it. The path of redemption and repair is long for him and you will need patience. Now it is not for everyone but I already told you why I gave you angel dust. He is a caring person underneath all the masks. When both of you start going out together, he would try to hide it and act all loving only when you’re alone because he is afraid of valentino. This is something you can’t escape unfortunately and you have to understand his point of view. He has never been in healthy relationships and is in an unfair deal. He loves how you take care of him and make him feel at ease to air all his problems. Now he does lend you a listening ear but in his way (by proposing partying and causing trouble to let out the steam lol). He isn’t into most your hobbies but will make a sarcastic effort (dunno how you will get him into manga and video games…). He loves dressing up with you and engages in a lot of retail therapy. Angel dust is someone who lives in the moment and has self-destructive habits. You may feel like you’re only here as his therapist but it’s not the case. To him you’re a savior and whenever he has a fun thing he always thinks of you first. He feels guilty for airing all his trouble and will do his best to make you happy

STOLAS:

You two met at a party where he was bored out of his mind. He engaged in little talks and when he saw you two got along and you weren’t double faced he invited you to meet up for other little talks. He finds you to be easy to talk to and get along with. He is a young soul at heart and would gladly rebel with you lol. Stolas loves that you’re very independent because he is often busy with his princely duties. He is someone who would enjoy debating with you and just sharing his deepest thoughts. He is nice (when he wants) and also protective of you, if he felt like anyone was trying to take advantage of you they’re gonna pay dearly. He is also overactive! INVITE HIM TO ESCAPE GAMES OR ANY MYSTERY GAMES! He would love it! Stolas is a sweet lover who has a lot of flaws but would give it all up for happiness. His only problems in the relationship is his wife and trust issues lol. I can see both of you either getting in trouble together or him getting in trouble and you taking care of this drama queen.

AYATO:

You were a friend of Thoma that he got to know and enjoyed. You two went to many festivals together and he became interested in you. Your relationship is quite secret because he wants to avoid drama on both sides and make you comfortable (but everyone can see that he is softer with you). Ayato is mischievous and would sometimes engage in breaking rules with you (to the disbelief of both thoma and ayaka. What did you do lol). At least Thoma knows you have ayato best interest in mind and would never let him get hurt. Ayato is very busy, so he treasures every moment spent with you and plan as many dates as he can into his schedule. He often sends you gifts to apologize if he is too busy. You two are the biggest boba tea lovers, if you’re into that I can imagine both of you trying to make boba tea. He loves that you’re independent, confident and straightforward. He also engages in all your talks with his own teasing remarks or, if it’s a deep conversation, his inner thoughts. While you are openly sarcastic, he makes backhanded comments, what a dangerous duo. He doesn’t care that you act feminine at all. And if he can, he would love to match outfits with you or even lets you dress him up. He will always defend dogs unfortunately…He loves playing chess with you and I believe he has a personal art collection that you can observe (he’d even gift you some pieces later on). Overall, ayato is a nice and calm lover. His busy schedule and teasing remarks can be too much for some people (try to flirt with him and you’ll end up as red as a tomato) but he tries his best to make up for it

RUAN MEI:

Now I know you weren’t expecting her but I think both of you would fit well together. She is reserved, smart and spends a lot of time in her lab. Please teach her how to socialize lol (it’s what happened at first. It started like the MC but she liked you more and spent more time with you). She is an emotionally aloof and distant girlfriend because I think she doesn’t know how to act in those situations. Ruan Mei would happily ramble about her ideas and experiments to you while sharing her troubles and guilt over what she is doing. She loves that you’re interested in music and the arts! She finds them to be relaxing to look at so she often invites you to come with her and discuss them. She sometimes isolate when she is working and hope you don’t mind that. Lmao the duo of the scientist at work and her lover barging in all angry because she is not taking care of herself. You’re a rule breaker? Good. Cuz she is messing with life here. Your flirty nature surprises her and makes her all shy lol. She loves spending time with you watching movies and anime (im sure she loves all mystery related things). I think she is very good at board games even though she doesn’t plan them often….If one of her creations looked like you, she would keep it lol. In general Ruan Mei would learn how to be in a relationship with you, she can be distant and aloof without meaning it so just go and bring her back down to earth with us.

WILLIAM:

Poor forgotten William…how dare you do him wrong like that sniff sniff. I admit that the most difficult part of William…Is just befriending this man. Cuz once he befriends you, it’s easier for him to fall in love and ask you out. He is a very traditional boyfriend who would prepare a whole dinner date (perhaps he cooked) and invite you before asking you out at the end of it. In a relationship, there is a mandatory tea break with you that he would never miss. He has to bitch about his work to someone and if you have any issues he would be glad to take care of it. He may enjoy a calm environment but he will do his best to keep up with all your energy (give this old man a break). But he’d ask you on his worst days if he can just…lay down in your arms and enjoy your presence (aaawwwww). You being the dad friend is good for him. He is also the dad friend so having someone like that near him who will also take care of him would help him out greatly. With you around, he would start enjoying life more and would become less of a workaholic. He loves going to museums and concerts/opera with you. He tries to get tickets at least twice a week for these kind of events. His love language is mostly spending time together and helping you out. He may be rather brutally honest but he is softer with you. If you pester him enough, you can get a cat. Board games that rely on intelligence would be something he enjoys doing. You’re definitely the only one who can make him blush, he fails often lol. He always makes it a point to have your favorite beverage nearby. Beware of Grelle, she might try to murder you in the start. He is not feminine but would respect your style.

TREY:

He’s the therapist’s therapist, the dad of the dad. And yet he finds it in himself to be mischievous. Trey would ask you out on valentine day or with a special cake just for you. I believe you two were classmates and he asked you out at the end of the third or second year. Trey likes that you’re responsible, independent but still a rule breaker lol. At least you know how to have fun. Both of you would definitely cook together, he would even show you some family secret! Trey is understanding and can handle all your moods (he handled riddle after all) and he always seems to know how to make you feel better. I headcanon that he knows a lot of tea due to Cater and Rook…these two are very gossipy. He is not very good at games but would try. If you think he is not competitive….think again because he knows how to have fun and enjoys friendly debates. He likes it when you introduce him to new musics and forms of art (he would try to plan these dates when you two can). In general, Trey is a loving and calm boyfriend that can still keep you on your toes. He knows how to have fun while keeping the both of you safe. And he is curious, just like you which keeps the relationship lively.

[crisisdotorg]

Hi thanks for sharing! It's true what you said about needing safe space for women from men, as well as giving them more opportunities. I cannot disagree with you on those points, and I thank you for bringing that up. Tbh I easily get swayed by overly simplified tiktok videos, and I didn't realize the person posting that video misunderstood and oversimplified some things.

But I guess where we disagree is that I believe trans women are welcomed in those spaces. I'm a bit disappointed and sad by the way you refer to trans women if im being honest. My reasoning for supporting trans women is:

1. gender is socially constructed, so we can do whatever the fuck we want with it, it doesn't matter. Though obviously that does not mean that our sex assigned at birth is irrelevant, like yes, being born female or male or intersex is pertinent information in certain situations such as with a doctor, even a psychologist, etc. I would say the relevance of being trans in competitive sports is a bit nuanced bc of testosterone and whatnot and I haven't really dived into researching that yet so Idk about that yet but I'll admit I'm inclined to want to find a way to include all women no matter their identity.

2. At the end of the day, we're just human. I've personally met a lot of trans women and heard a lot of their stories, and yeah, when they're perceived as women, they are just as in danger being around men as cis women are. Yes, trans women experience different things when it comes to their bodies, yes cis women have periods, can make children (though, a scientist recently successfully transplanted a uterus in a trans woman's body), but this isn't oppression olympics. Like i dont expect a trans woman to know exactly what it's like to be a cis woman, but she still deserves to be treated nicely and we still need to understand that they are in danger. Men don't care if someone is trans or not when it comes to misogyny, let's be real. They see something that looks like a woman and will be abusive. They don't think trans women are equal to them. The numbers don't lie, trans people are most likely to die when found out about being trans. It's really horrifying. I wish all women could include all women even if they don't personally understand their experiences. And my heart breaks when i see women so divided on this. We don't need to understand someone to include them.

3. People can do whatever they want with their bodies. It's not mutilation otherwise we'd start calling getting one ear pierced mutilation, all surgeries mutilation, etc. Like shit. Anyway, let people enjoy things and yes that extends to gender.

4. Truth be told, if trans women were men, then they wouldn't try to be a woman. Sorry but men live amazing lives in constract. Obviously trans women dont choose to be trans otherwise theyd wanna be cis cause that's less complicated and u get less prosecuted. Like being trans is very dangerous and scary in this world. If u were born male and could choose ur gender, you would stay male cause the world treats u better. Hence why, it's not a choice. Trans women are women and their experiences are valid :)

Ok this post is kinda long and im not even saying half of what i want, but idk if u know what i mean? Trans women arent dangerous. Idk if u ever met one irl and had a conversation with her? I have a million times (queer club at my school) and they're not the weirdos u make them out to be. Look, my dad used to hate gay men religiously like he would say really mean things about them. Then, one day my sister brought over a good friend of hers who was a gay man, and my dad talked to him, and was open minded while doing so. Suddenly, he didn't hate gay men anymore. Suddenly, he understood them a bit better. Like maybe if u tried talking to a trans woman irl? Maybe more than one? Just really hear them out? They're really just like u and me, wanting to have a safe space, wanting to be accepted. They don't deserve any of the hate they get. It's just not fair.

what she said ♡

[tempobaekh]

Rating Penthouse: War In Life characters

I asked my followers on Instagram to give me Penthouse characters to rate and my thoughts about them so I thought to post it here as well. Now this is my personal opinion about how I feel about the characters and how much I will rate them

⚠️⚠️THIS CONTAINS A FEW SPOILERS⚠️⚠️

My Instagram: Tempobaek

Logan Lee

10/10

Lemme just say I love him SO MUCH

LOGAN LEE BEST BOY

I absolutely loved his character and the fact that he was one of the few people who wants justice and is honest made me love him even more

Him playing Go Hu Dong was amazing as well and I didn't recognize him at all at first like he played it so well with the accent, costume and wig and everything

His accent and language switch in between English and the Busan accent Korean was so fucking sexy🥵

✨Mr. Joo✨

My man was also smart with his revenge

He was also serving amazing LOOKS every episode in the two seasons and I loved every single one of them

And I'm going to be honest here, after watching the preview for S2 ep13 his laugh was creepy in one of the clips and after reading a few theories I lowkey thought that he would be the next villian

I regret suspecting him now

But instead of that they gave us a bigger plot twist and blew up our man with a bomb😩

He literally went ✨LiGhT iT Up LiKe DyNaMiTe✨ (I'm so sorry)

I would've rather have him be a villian than die in the bomb

I MISS HIM ALREADY AND LOVE HIM SO MUCH😭

DID I MENTION THAT I LOVE HIM

Joo Seok Kyung

7/10

Another one that annoyed me angered me so much🙄

Like she was ruthless and had no mercy when it came to bullying and putting people down that she thought were a rival or putting people down in general

She didn't change even when Rona died

She also went as far as to like cheat her way to win the Cheong Ah Art High School trophy and blackmailed Cheon Seojin to win the trophy

But there were times where she would show emotions and those would be often her break down and weak moments

And those moments would really show how she is broken inside and puts up a careless and brave image, she is someone who needs healing even though healing takes time

I also saw someone saying like 'oh Seok Kyung hates her mom so much'

Yeah she hated her mom but she didn't hate her to death like she didn't wish death upon her

Seok Kyung was heart broken when she heard Suryeon's death and that showed that she still loved her mom even though Suryeon didn't give birth to them

I was heart broken when I saw that she cut her hair because here was no one there to tie it for her bc Suryeon loved Seok Kyungs long hair and that's why she didn't cut it but after he mothers death no one was there to tie her hair for her

I started seeing her in a different light after a while bc again it showed that he character was very broken emotionally and needed healing

I'm interested about seeing more of her character development after the last ep where she defended Rona

Also my girl is so hot, another one that was serving amazing looks

Joo Seok Hoon

8/10

He was lowkey annoying at first ngl

Like my man was just🧍🏻‍♂️

It annoyed me so much how he defended his sister so much, fell for her tricks, covered up for her and did anything she said EVEN though its wrong

But after some time I understood that he cared for and that she was the only family left to him

I mean Seok Hoon hate Joo Dan Tae so he doesn't counts and Suryeon was dead at the moment

I will still not forgive him for bullying Seol A even though he regrets it

It also annoyed me how he didn't stood up for Rona at all in the first season even though he liked her

By he got so much better in S2, he was even part in the revenge plan

He is literally the human CCTV camera in Hera Palace like he knows more than even the viewers know

The way he was protective of Rona when he found out she was alive was so aDORABLE

And my man was amazing in the last episodes

I love him

Cheon Seo Jin

4/10

THIS WOMAN MAKES MY BLOOD FUCKING BOIL

Like I sometimes just was to 🤜🏻👩🏻

But sometimes I wanna hug her😩

Idk I feel like she became a horrible person bc of greed and that he father and mother placed too high expectations for her

Instead of praising her for her accomplishments her parents wanted her to do more

Maybe that's why she was desperate for love and affection and found that in Joo Dan Tae even though he pretended to like her

But that definitely does not dismiss her horrible actions

But also the harsh past made her the could hearted person, like she left her father to die

She felt more care towards her daughter after she almost lost her because Eunbyeol tried to commit suicide

She was in alot of pain and you could see it in her cries and when she was on the phone with the person

Soyeon's acting was amazing in that scene

She started to care more about her ex husband and daughter when she saw how much Eunbyeol was suffering and she realized that she genuinely liked Ha Yoon Chul hwen she saw how horrible Joo Dan Tae was

I did feel bad for her sometimes but after seeing that she didn't change I really didn't feel any sympathy for her

She needs therapy

Girlie was shocked when the doctor said she is losing her voice like bestie you are screaming every episode

She was also serving amazing looks every episode

Ha Yoon Chul

5/10

The first male character I simped for

Like I am not going to deny it but he is hot🥵

But the first few episodes he was an absolute asshole and greedy

But I never expected him to be Yoonhee's ex boyfriend

I did like him a tiny bit when he saved Yoon Hee from Kyu Jin

His entrance in S2 with the helicopter was damn hot

And I WAS SO SHOCKED WHEN HE SAID MEET MY WIFE OH YOON HE

LIKE YAY MY SHIP IS SAILING

I spoke too soon

His character development and fighting skills were hot as well

He was ADORABLE with Rona and Yoonhee

I seriously thought that Rona was his daughter

BUT THAN AT THE CHEONG AH FESTIVLE OOF SIR I WANTED TO PUNCH HIM

I WAS SO MAD WHEN HE SABOTAGED RONA'S PERFORMANCE

I began hating him after that💀

Like he went 📈📉 with his character development

AND THEN HE CLEANED EUNBYEOL'S MEMORY FROM THAT NIGHT LIKE SIR SKSHSKSHKS SHE DID HAT TO YOUR DAUGHTER

I actually asked my dad what he thought about what Yoon Chul did and this was his reponse:

"If you look at it from a parents perspective they would want to do anything if they saw their child in pain like he did but I would've also scolded her and had a conversation with her about why she did it instead of wiping her memory from that night like he did. "

So that's that

I LOVED IT WHEN YOON HEE CAME WITH THAT BLOW AND TOLD HIM RONA WAS HER DAUGHTER

Jonghoon's acting was chef's kiss in that scene

I was going to rate him a 4 but I gave him that 5 when I saw how he was at court, he admitted to his wrong doings but also still had feelings for Yoon Hee

I wanna see his reaction in s3 to Rona now bc now that he got to know that is his daughter I wonder how he will be

Lee Kyu Jin

1/10

AN ASSHOLE

USELESS

WHY IS HE HERE

Like I have nothing to say about him rather than I hate him and that he useless just like his wife and son

HE IS LITERALLY NOTHING WITHOUT HIS MOM

I'm only giving him that one bc he was funny in the episodes

THATS THE ONLY REASON HE IS THERE JUST FOR COMEDY PURPOSES

Go Sang Ah

0.5/10

ANNOYING 2.0

USELESS 2.0

ALL SHE DOES IS SPEND HER HUSBAND AND MOTHER IN LAW'S MONEY

LIKE SHE AIN'T EVEN WORKS

UNLIKE KANG MARI

The only thing she does is gossip

And spills the tea☕

SHE IS LITERALLY NOTHING WITHPUT HER HUSBAND AND HIS FAMILY

Giving her a 0.5 bc she is kinda funny eh

Lee Minhyuk

0/10

ANNOYING 3.0

USELESS 3.0

ASSHOLE 2.0

Idk if it runs in the family but again he is useless

And a dumbass

He also nothing without his parents

Why is he there tho like you ain't even funny

All he can do is cause trouble

And bullied Jenny

His dumbass slipped and broke his own arm and blamed it on Rona smh🤦🏻‍♀️

Sometimes I just wanna 🤜🏻👦🏻

Also my dude was trying to sound all intimidating by saying

"Oh Jenny's father is a scary man, yOuR dEaD BaE rOnA"

Like dude worry about yourself bitch you are dead first for bullying Jenny

But like I hate the character but LOVE THE ACTOR HE IS SO HOT OMFG

Joo Dan Tae

0/10

ANOTHER ONE THAT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH AND MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL

SOMETIMES I DONT WANNA 🤜🏻 I WANNA 🔪

LIKE I HATE HIM WITH A FUCKING PASSION

I DONT CARE ABOUT HIS PAST OR ANYTHING HE IS A GREASY, GREEDY, PSYCHO, OBSESSIVE MANIPULATIVE, POSSESSIVE PSYCHO

Like I legit thought he was nice in he first ep and then I saw him kiss Seojin and-

Me: 🤨😧😃🤮 MY EMOTIONS WENT LIKE THAT

LIKE HE IS SO FUCKING POSSESSIVE OVER SURYEON, AEGYO AND SEOJIN LIKE ITS DISGUSTING

I WAS GETTING YANDERE BEHAVIOUR FROM THAT OLD MAN

PURE TRASH

Bae Rona

9/10

I LOVE HER NOW

RONA BEST GIRL

She was also annoying at first and was very ungrateful

But over time she got better, still a tiny bit annoying sometimes but better

When she came back from the US I WAS LIKE GIRL NO YOU FINNA RUIN THE PLAN

I do feel bad for her bc she went through alot with bullying, her mom going to jail not only once but twice, her getting to know that Yoonchul who she started liking sabotaged her performance, and also literally almost dying

My girl has been through a lot

AND WHEN SHE RUNNED TOWARDS THE STAIRS OUTSIDE WHEN EUNBYEOL WAS CHASING HER I WAS LIKE GIRL RUN TO THE HALL YOU RUNNIN OUTSIDE

I am excited to see her reaction to getting to know that Yoon Chul is her dad

Part 2 is also posted!

[yeeharley]

For @peachy-keener! I don’t know if this is what you meant when you said Peter in a shorty spider-man costume, but I had a lot of fun with it, so I hope you like it!

3: Came to the wrong Halloween party

warnings: idk some suggestivity? nothing above PG as usual but there is some kissing if that grosses you out (pairing is parkner btw)

Who had made the decision to put Oscorp and Stark Tower so close to each other?

No, Harley honestly wants to know, because he has an undying urge to beat the living shit out of whoever decided to build two very large, very identical towers right next to each other. Was it a contractor? An engineer? Tony Stark himself?

He doesn’t care. He would kick Tony Stark for this. He would kick an engineer for this. He would kick a contractor for this, dammit, because this is not what he had signed up for.

He’s winding up to kick himself.

Harry (yes, Harry Osborn, whatever) had invited him to one of his famous Halloween parties and he had really wanted to go. He’d put the most effort into his costume- yes, he’s dressed as Spider-Man, and he knows it’s cheesy, but he worked so hard to make it look accurate and the measurements are flawless. He looks like the real deal and he knows it.

Harley had texted Harry (or who he’d thought was Harry) to get the address, because he really hates using Google Maps and isn’t it just easier to get it from the person who actually lives there? He had definitely thought so.

But, in true Harley Keener fashion, he hadn’t saved his contacts properly. He had just opened up the first conversation in his messages and texted a simple where’s the party without a second thought about maybe- just maybe- having texted the wrong person.

He’d forgotten that he’d just asked Tony about replacing the tower’s dated toaster. An honest mistake.

But now, instead of hanging out with Harry and Gwen, he’s standing in a room full of the Avengers with no idea as to how he got here and he’s feeling very tempted to jump out of the nearest window.

“Oh, my God,” Harley whispers when he sees Steve Rogers (Steve Rogers oh my god) in a schlocky-looking vampire costume and Black Widow (hngggggg) in the Wonder Woman skirt, top, and boots.

“Kid!” Tony shouts from across the room, waving happily. He’s wearing a blond wig. Pepper, beside him, has a fake goatee drawn onto her chin in eyeliner.

They’re dressed up as each other.

Oh, God.

Harley waves back, grimacing like he’s about to pass out, and makes his way over to lean against the nearest wall to try and get his bearings. There’s just too much going on in one room right now, and he doesn’t know how to handle it at all. How is he supposed to deal with this? 

Why couldn’t he have just texted Harry? 

He really needs to organize his contacts.

He stands there for a minute or two in silence, massaging his temples, trying to get his head to stop spinning. He is not going to pass out at the Avengers’ private halloween party. He’s not going to do it. Nope. Nope.

“I would say one of us is going to have to change, but I think my costume is definitely superior, so I guess you don’t have to go to the effort.”

Harley turns, surprised, and almost faints.

Peter Parker- who, it’s important to note, is Spider-Man- is (you guessed it) dressed up in a Spider-Man costume. 

A women’s’ Spider-Man costume.

One of those overly-sexualized women’s’ Spider-Man costumes that drops to about halfway down his thigh and has a pair of very thin straps as sleeves that show off his shoulders and biceps.

Is that a plunging neckline?

Peter smugly looks Harley up and down, crossing one knee over the other with an annoying amount of grace. He’s wearing a pair of open-toed four-inch heels that look like something Pepper would wear to an event. His toenails are painted a shiny red, as are his fingernails.

“Are you- are you wearing makeup?” Harley gasps, pointing at- eyeshadow? He thinks it’s eyeshadow. And eyeliner (those are some huge eyeliner wings, wow).

Peter nods happily, running a hand through his slicked-back hair and pulling a tube of dark red lipstick out of a clutch purse. “This color is seriously gorgeous, Harley, it would look so good on you.”

“You- where did you even-” Harley is well aware of the fact that he’s stuttering, because yes, Peter is a stunning human being on a normal day and this is absolutely insane. He feels like he’s going to lose his entire mind.

“Party City!” Peter chirps before leaning back against the wall, matching Harley’s position, and gracefully lifting his knee. Extending his leg so that Harley has no choice but to stare at it, eyes wide, very obviously surprised.

“Uh-”

“And look at this! I shaved!” He points down at his leg. “You’ve gotta feel it, man, they’re so smooth. I’m gonna start doing it more often!”

Peter looks so excited, and who’s Harley kidding? He’s shaved his legs one time on a dare and, yeah, it’s nice. He bites his lip and, awkwardly averting his eyes, sets his hand down on top of Peter’s knee.

It’s pretty smooth. His skin is warm.

Oh, my God, you’re a disaster.

“Very- very smooth,” Harley chokes out, crossing his arms across his chest.

Peter’s quiet for a moment. He steps away from the wall to stand in front of him, face to face (these heels make him as tall as Harley oh no oh no), raising an eyebrow skeptically. Is his foot tapping? His foot is tapping. Oh no.

“Is something wrong, Harls?” Peter asks innocently, hands on his hips. He looks like a box in the dress, all muscle- not to say he doesn’t look good, of course. “You look kinda… red.”

Harley swallows, blinks, and shakes his head.

“Dunno what you’re talking about.”

“Are you sure? You’re not too hot or something?”

Peter Parker is an awful human being.

Peter Parker is an absolutely awful human being.

Peter Parker is a despicable monster of a human being and he is never going to be forgiven as long as he lives.

Harley takes a deep breath, musters up every little bit of resolve in his body, and pushes himself off of the wall to plant a quick kiss on Peter’s cherry red lips. He pulls back just as quickly, sure that his face is the same color as his mouth, and almost gasps when a pair of gentle hands find his face and, taking a step forward, Peter’s lips are on his.

He tastes like the apple cider they’re serving at the refreshments table.

Sweet and spicy and very, very warm.

Peter tilts his head to the left, smiling against Harley’s lips. One of his hands travels down to his clavicle. The other tilts Harley’s head in tandem, gentle gentle gentle, smooth nails scraping against his skin.

Harley places a hand on Peter’s waist and gently pulls back. He knows that, no matter how much he was blushing a moment ago, it can’t beat how red his face is now. Nonetheless, he’s smiling.

So is Peter.

“Your lipstick is smeared,” Harley murmurs, unable to break eye contact.

Peter giggles. “So is yours.”

He reaches down to take Harley’s hand, tugging him away from the party with an impish grin on his face.

“We should go fix that.”

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

I Taste Honey but I Haven’t Seen the Hive - Chapter Eight

Ao3,  Masterpost,  C.1   C.2   C.3   C.4   C.5   C.6   C.7

Relationships: queer-platonic intruality, mentioned platonic relationships.

Second chapter of the night, babe! I’m really going for it with finishing this story!! mostly no italics as is my usual, because tumblr Sucks <3 

Warnings: cursing, brief true-crime talk, sexual innuendo, depressive episodes, crying, LOTS of h/c, mentions of past neglect (ok neglect is a really strong word it isn’t that bad, but, idk what to call it), touch-starvation, honestly though this is a ridiculously fluffy chapter guys. 

Word count: 5,618

In three weeks, Patton and Remus had gone from borderline insomnia to a sleep schedule that could’ve impressed even Logan. 

And in three weeks, neither had spent a single night alone.

The talk they’d had after their first sleepover ended up leaving more of an impact than either had realized. Maybe it should’ve been expected: they were both accustomed to saying exactly what they meant, exactly how they meant it, and any sort of vow to ‘never let go’ couldn’t be used lightly for two creatures like that. 

So, independently, they both decided to be as literal as they could about it. God, were they clingy.

But it worked better than anything. There was less aching, more talking, and if they were feeling better, the whole Mindpalace improved. Something something, the delicate ecosystem of the human mind, blah blah. 

And then it worked too well. 

Neither of them really knew what had happened, or how to feel about it (it might have been sad or strange that neither had ever had anything to compare it to, but if asked, they’d both say that’s what made it so special. They’d be right to say so, of course). It was what they had, together.

It wasn’t romantic- they’d seen romantic, knew it as well as they could, didn’t care for it. But in the end who cared about semantics? It didn’t matter, the reasons why Patton stared after his friend for a little too long, or what was making it so hard for Remus not to kiss his pal smack on the lips every time he smiled. Another thing that didn’t matter was the why in response to how they still hadn’t talked about it, but… Patton and Remus had resolved that as a problem for another time.

What mattered was that it just was.

(And another thing that mattered, a little bit, was the how it had happened, and both of them understood that perfectly well.)

Remus lounged on the floor at the foot of his bed, Patton behind and above him. Patton’s fingers were working steadily through his mess of hair, while the pair half-watched TV. They didn’t agree on most shows, and neither of them were especially crazy about arguing, which meant it was twenty minutes of roundabout conversation until they stumbled across something they could mutually zone out to. Whatever. The system worked.

Remus typically preoccupied himself with drawing, painting, or carving some material into something or other (said something-or-other was almost always a knife or a dildo. Occasionally, it was both). 

Patton seemed to favor being distracted by Remus’ hair, though it wasn’t clear why. Remus hadn’t asked; it felt nice, and he was surprised that anyone would actually want to thread their fingers through those oily strings, so why question a good thing? 

Actually, a better question was why not. The thought had stuck in his mind, and he had nothing better to do- art block and all- so. Remus tossed his sketchbook to the side and twisted up to look at Patton.

“Why do you do that?”

Patton glanced down at him. “Do what?”

Remus reached up, prying Patton’s hands out of his hair and holding them up like evidence. Patton blinked at them, and okay, cute- but he looked genuinely surprised by the question. 

“Oh, playing with your hair? I mean, there’s no real reason, I guess it’s just mindless. Something to fidget with, y’know? It’s always all tangled up, too, so it’s like a little puzzle- a puzzle I probably won’t solve all the way ever, but that’s most puzzles with me to be honest,” he smiled brightly, creasing all his laugh lines just right. “Also, um, it feels nice that I get to stay touching you, even if it’s just something small,” he shrugged, sort of sheepishly. “Is that weird?”

But Remus was beaming up at him, definitely looking all sorts of stupid for it, and definitely not caring. He dropped Patton’s hands, letting them find their way back into his coils and matts of hair. 

“You’re asking the wrong guy, Sugar Cookie, but you can keep messing with my hair all you want. It probably is weird, in that case, because I like that you have your hands on me so much-” Jesus Christ it was so hard not to make a sex joke, Remus had to stifle several from breaking his train of thought. Ugh, the things he did for this man. “-And if I like something, it’s 100% freaky!”

Patton just laughed, his nose scrunching up while he ruffled Remus’ hair. 

“That’s- that’s good to know,” an index finger coiled around silver strands, and Patton’s eyes sparkled in the most literal sense, “Hey, Remus?”

Remus let his head rest on the side’s thigh, humming attentively. 

“When you say I can mess with it…”

He looked up with a delightful anticipation, grinning before Patton had even finished his sentence. 

“Can I braid your hair?” The question accompanied by a faint tug at Remus’ scalp, and the feeling of several tangles coming undone, “I’m pretty good at it. Virgil used to let me do his- not so much anymore, but, um. Anyway, yours would be long enough- or maybe longer, if I got these knots out,” he smiled, kindly, “But I know you like having it knotty, so it’s okay if you don’t want me to.”

Remus thought it over, because yeah, he was very proud of his rat’s nest. Besides, he was sure that even if it got straightened out, it’d still be just as greasy as ever- ohh, but that could be a look all on its own, couldn’t it? Maybe he could even weave some garbage into the plait! 

“Sure!” Remus assented, “The rest of me’s naughty enough to make up for the hairdo, so have at ‘er.”

Patton snorted at the pun, obviously excited to get started. When he ushered Remus to turn around, his hands easily undoing clumps of hair with surprising focus, humming to himself all the while, Remus was absolutely certain he’d made the right choice.

It was done in an hour- Patton was slow and careful about every movement. Remus didn’t really mind, though he’d try to assure Patton that it was fine to do it in a hurry, that he wasn’t so sensitive. (Patton didn’t, obviously, ignoring Remus’ comments about how it didn’t even matter because they weren’t real, and pain was a construct. Patton was stubbornly gentle, to the point that Remus couldn’t be annoyed by it. He might even say it was sweet, if he was feeling particularly sappy.)

It had also taken such time because of the decorations Patton had woven into his hair, which he insisted would be surprises. So Remus was bouncing with excitement all the way to the mirror- cuz even though he was sure it wouldn’t be anything like the live bugs, weeds, and dead flowers that he’d had in mind to thread in there himself, he knew it’d at least be pretty. Pretty wasn’t really his thing, sure, but Patton’s brand of pretty? It had grown on him.

The mirror in Remus’ room was chipped, slick with grime, and filled with silhouettes that vanished as soon as you turned around, but it worked just fine. Remus hauled himself over to it, peered in, and okay, he definitely didn’t mind a little bit of pretty.

“You weren’t fucking around when you said you were good at this, Morey!”

In their reflections, Remus saw Patton smile, going a bit pink around the ears. He glanced back to himself, eyes trailing appreciatively down the shoulder-length braid of dark, greasy hair. His grey streak wasn’t twisted in with the rest of the locks, instead it had been left out in front, springy and curly and giving the whole look a messier vibe. The braid itself seemed inky-slick, shot through with glittering hair clips and pins. At first, they looked like plain plastic jewels, but with closer inspection the shapes of tiny beetles, bugs, and moths were unmistakable. They were gorgeous, and probably a better call than putting actual live bugs in his hair; he was less likely to end up eating the sparkly clips, at any rate.

But if all that wasn’t enough, then there were the ribbons. Whip-thin and several in number, they sparkled with enough course glitter to impress a Las Vegas body paint artist. Some were a pukey neon green, and the rest a light, bright-

“Blue?”

Patton met Remus’ eyes, through the mirror again, and the pink slowly traveled from his ears down to his face. He shrugged, grazing the blue-and-green bow where the braid was tied off with the tips of his fingers. 

“I guess I got a little carried away,” he smiled lightly, “I thought it looked nice, with the green.”

Remus looked away from the glass, “You’re not wrong about that,” he muttered.

Patton shrugged, not quite making his eyes. 

“You can take those ones out, if you want to.”

That- the way Patton went flustered and shy and he’d put his colors on Remus- it gave the Duke a very strong urge to do something. The urge pulled at his chest, feeling like cracked ribs in the best way, and it really wasn’t fucking around when it wrapped around his heart and squeezed so tight it felt like it was forcing all the blood right out of him. 

Remus was used to impulses, and the powerful, mind-halting swells of emotion, but this was new and fun and it had jumped out of nowhere even for him. He was staring at Patton, and he had the urge to do something. He would’ve done it, too, if only he knew what the fuck it was that he wanted. 

It had to do with Patton. He should start there, probably.

“I’m gonna keep them in, duh,” Remus replied, finally, and his voice was way louder than it needed to be, “Wouldn’t wanna fuck up the look.” 

Patton glanced at him, smiling self-consciously, and his hand lowered from Remus’ hair to rest on his shoulder. For a moment Remus felt blind, vision white-out and trouble breathing, from whatever the fuck he was feeling, and he just didn’t know what to do.

Then Patton laughed, his ocean eyes squinted, and the burning impulse plummeted to an ache. A giddy, unfamiliar kind of ache. A manageable ache. 

Remus resolved to forget it. He had lots of instincts, and urges, and God knew that not even half of them made sense. It had left, that was what mattered, and he could enjoy the rest of his day with his friend.

He’d never been the type to worry, anyway.

There were days that Patton just… couldn’t make it out of bed. He tried, he really did, but he could only go for so long before it all started crumbling. He’d wake up, and something would just feel wrong, and he’d know that it was a doomed day, but he still made the stubborn effort to save it. Because each time he thought, maybe he’d beat it, maybe he’d make the best of it- and sometimes he did, but most of the time he made it as far as breakfast, and then he was right back in his room by noon to let the depressive episode take over.

So yeah. It was one of Those Days. 

Patton laid in bed, propped up on pillows and stuffed animals with his unfocused eyes staring just above the television. Bad days had been getting rare, and naively, Patton had thought that meant it was over for good. When he woke up that morning, Remus barely stirring beside him, the empty feeling inside was almost ignorable. 

He’d stayed above it for all of two-and-a-half hours before retreating to his room again, this time on his own.

Patton was always alone when he got in one of his moods, and he knew it was better that way. He was no fun at all, just a sad sack of blah, and he knew just how intolerable he ended up being. He couldn’t even tolerate himself.

So each time Patton would tell the other sides that he needed some space alone, and of course they respected that. Roman always hugged him before he left. Virgil checked on him every now and then. Logan, without fail, sent him extra plushies (and sweet snacks, however much he disapproved of unhealthy eating, because he knew how much sugar cheered Patton up). It didn’t fix the ache, but it helped, knowing that people were worried about him. 

But, back to that particular day; the day that left Patton huddled up at the head of his bed with blank, glazed-over eyes; the first day of its kind since Remus had been staying with him. 

It had gotten… harder, somehow. The fact that it had been gone for so long, and he’d been so optimistic, but now it was all back… 

Patton buried his face in the soft fabric of a teddy bear, shaking and crying and feeling so, so, cold.

It went on for a few horrible, horrible minutes, and then there were noises that definitely weren’t sobs. Down the hall; the slamming of a door, followed by distant muttering, and then excited footsteps. Heavy, clunky footsteps. Sounds that brought back acute deja vu, and had Patton glancing up just in time to realize what was about to happen. 

His door swung open, and Remus was grinning at him from the entrance. Patton struggled to put on a smile in time, scrubbing frantically at his eyes. 

“Hey! It’s, like, two o’clock, are you ready?”

Patton blinked up at him, partially in confusion, partially to try and stop the flow of tears. “Ready…?” 

Remus’ face fell a little, and he came forwards into the room. 

“Yeah…” Remus shut the door behind him- with less force than usual- and sat cross-legged on the foot of the bed. He stared intently at Patton, frown deepening all the while, pupils flitting around as he seemed to take in every detail of his friend’s condition. Patton wanted to squirm. “We were gonna- are you okay?” 

He stared dumbly at Remus for a second more, and then it clicked: they had plans today. He could barely remember what they were supposed to do- they’d been talking so quick, so excited, so happy- but Patton was pretty sure it had to do with a new creation of Remus’. 

Which was… something he definitely, definitely didn’t have the energy for. 

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” Patton sat up straight, trying desperately to stop trembling, “I completely forgot, I just- um- I don’t know if I can make it today.”

That sounded bad, didn’t it? Wouldn’t that be the icing on top of the cake, if he hurt Remus’ feelings just because he was wallowing for basically no reason. It probably wouldn’t even be that bad if he sucked it up and went along with it anyway- except Janus kept insisting how bad self-sacrifice was, but- what else was he supposed to do!?

“Oh, it’s okay,” Remus said, not sounding hurt at all. “I’d be more pissed if I thought you were just bailing, and I know you don’t do that, Pat. Plus, you’re obviously upset, so don’t worry about it.”

  Patton glanced up to find him still staring, somehow more intense than before, and much closer than before. He looked- he looked worried. Not upset. Worried. 

“Oh,” Patton looked away again, unable to stand the scrutiny, “Okay.” 

A hand slipped into his, prying open his clenched fist, and he had to stifle a gasp at the touch. Temperature shock, that was the best word for it. Patton shivered. 

“Can I help you?”

Patton’s eyes went wide at the sweet sincerity in Remus’ voice, the way he said it as plainly and openly as he’d say anything else. Even if it wasn’t a big deal, really, with Patton’s emotions in the state that they were, while he was in his room of all places, anything could send him breaking down again.

“I- I don’t, um-” he blinked furiously, had done that a lot since Remus found him; it was beginning to make him feel dizzy. “Nothing’s really wrong…” 

Remus squeezed his hand. 

“Well, what isn’t really wrong?” 

“What?”

“You said nothing’s ‘really’ wrong, so, what’s wrong-but-not-really?”

Patton tipped his head to the side, for a moment more confused than he was aching. “How do you mean?”

But Remus just rolled his eyes- not unkindly- and shrugged. 

“So, you don’t know why you’re all… sad,” the emphasis made Patton wince, “But I figure that being sad at all usually makes other things wrong, too, and I can help with those things! For example-” he pitched forwards suddenly, ruby-reds wide and searching. He sniffed at Patton (probably not for any kind of actual inspection, but it made him laugh, and judging from Remus’ proud little smirk that had been on purpose.) “You had anything to eat? Or, uh, water? Those are supposed to be important.”

Oh, right. That. 

Patton leaned away, pulling his hand out of Remus’ grasp as he flushed abashedly. But he didn’t- well, he wasn’t going to lie to Remus.

“I guess I haven’t, no,” he tried to laugh it off- this didn’t have to be a thing, it didn’t have to be serious, if he kept laughing. If he got Remus to laugh.

But Remus was already standing, and that brought up another very effective solution; if Patton was being depressing, maybe he would just get sick of it and go. 

“Okay, we’ll start there! Wait here, I’ll be back in- ten minutes? Sure, that’s how long it takes to make food,” Remus was muttering half to himself, but it sure as heck didn’t sound like leaving.

“Oh, you don’t have to get me anything!” Patton insisted, because if Remus wasn’t escaping yet, then he wasn’t going to mooch off of his generosity. “Thanks for the reminder, I’ll- I’ll make sure to grab something soon.”

Remus stopped by the door, tipped his head from one side to the other, pretending to think it over.

“Hm. Nah.”

Patton tried to stand, and found that he was somehow too weak for even that much.

“Remus, please, I- I can’t even eat the same stuff as you, anyway! Don’t go through all that trouble for little old me,” he was edging on frantic, and he didn’t know why he was fighting so hard against receiving needed help, but it probably had something to do with Catholicism. 

Remus looked completely bewildered- a funny look, for him- and said:

“I mean, I wasn’t about to feed you hygiene products, or ceramic, or whatever. I know that I eat weird shit, Pat, that’s kind of the point- but I still know how to make a sandwich? And I know how to hold a cup under the sink so that water goes in it?” 

His voice took on a gently mocking tone. Patton glanced away, sheepish, and couldn’t find a response to that beyond a short nod.

Which was all Remus needed as the go-ahead, darting out of the room and down the stairs before Patton could argue any further. 

Patton stared after him, listened to him bustling around downstairs, and tried to feel comforted. He fell back against his pillows, breathing slow and concentrated. He was still shaking, with his previous exhaustion coming back full force. Some of the light-headedness, certainly, had to be due to the lack of eating, but he was unfortunately sure that it wasn’t even the half of it.

Patton was conflicted: He had to tell Remus that he was okay, as soon as he returned. Say thanks for the food, that it had helped, and they could spend time together tomorrow, Patton would promise. Get Remus away before it got bad, before the dam he’d built so carefully behind his eyes fell and the blue of them spilled out for hours. 

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t lie about his feelings- he knew it was bad for him, and he couldn’t keep doing it, not to someone’s face. Not somebody he cared about so much.

He wanted to let Remus stay, beg him to stay if he had to, just so he didn’t have to dig up all his long-buried emotions on his own. He wanted to pull him in and beg for help, even though he knew nothing had managed to help him before, and it was so futile. 

When the door opened some ten minutes later, Patton didn’t sit up. He didn’t even look up, scared he’d cry if he so much as moved his eyes in his own skull. 

“Hey.”

The sound of the door shutting, followed by those heavy footsteps. A soft thunk, presumably the plate of food being placed on his bedside table. Then the mattress dipped beside him, springs creaking. 

“Hey,” Remus said again, “Look at me.”

Patton rolled his head tentatively to the side. Remus was sitting with him, looking at him, his expression twisted up and solemn in all the worst ways. Patton felt the dam begin to crumble. 

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered, “I know, I know that I’m no fun when I’m like this, and we were supposed to have fun today, and I just can’t do it. I can’t, I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, but if you stay here when I’m-” he broke, clamping a hand around his mouth as a sob wracked his body.. “When I’m like this, I’m just gonna ruin your day more.”

That sad look, the one that had no place being in Remus’ expression, sharpened and widened until he looked almost angry. He crawled over to Patton, prying the side’s hand away from his face and cupping his cheek, gently, all the while that scowl was in place. 

“Do you want me to go?”

Patton could barely speak, knowing that he’d just blubber and blubber, but Remus was holding him up by the shoulders and peering down at him so patiently, so carefully.

“I- I-”

“Do you want to be alone?”

He couldn’t- he couldn’t keep lying.

Patton sucked in a breath.

“No.”

Remus grinned at him proudly, pulling back until he was kneeling. He spread his arms out, an offering that Patton had become intimately familiar with. Patton pulled himself up, shaking, incredulous despite the familiarity of the situation.

“Then you don’t have to be.”

And Patton pitched forward, right into Remus’ arms, clutching and crying and trembling like a leaf.

Distantly, he knew that he was still babbling apologies. Insisting that the Duke could leave as soon as he wanted, that Patton felt this way so often and he knew he couldn’t possibly expect comfort every time, a million other sentences that ran over and into each other which only seemed to make Remus clutch him tighter. 

“It’s okay,” Remus told him.

“It’s- It’s not, I don’t even have a- a reason to be so-” a hiccup, “- upset. It’s not like last time, when you found me- I don’t even have a bad excuse, I’m just- just-”

“Shut the fuck up,” somehow, even that sounded caring. “Somebody as Hello Kitty Wholesome as you’s got no business saying such bad shit about himself.”

Patton tried to apologize again. 

“Easy, Sugar, I’ve got you.”

Patton shuddered.

“When it gets bad like this, just tell me, alright?” Remus’ hands traced up and down his spine, across his shoulder blades, down his sides, warm and full and adoring. The smile in his voice was audible, “I’m gonna take care of you.”

And when Patton heard that, it was like a broken bone being set. Not fully mended, but held together enough that it could begin to heal the right way, of its own hard work, and come back twice as strong still. Remus held him so strong and it felt like a cast. 

Patton’s breakdowns were blurred memories at best, but he couldn’t have gotten that promise out of his head even if he wanted to. 

It was an achingly uneventful afternoon. Everything in the Mindpalace felt just a little out of focus, a little gray, and nothing much was going to change that except the day ending. Plain and simple, Thomas was Out Of It- and so, of course, were his sides.

On the whole it wasn’t a big deal, but it did make it downright impossible to finish any substantial work beyond menial, autopilot tasks. And creativity? Particularly for Remus, who more-or-less needed his human at full attention in order to have any creative power, it was totally hopeless. 

He wasn’t the kind of guy to work on half-power, to put it mildly. 

So, what did Remus do, when he had even less of an outlet than usual? It shouldn’t surprise you that the answer is literally anything, if it got people to pay attention to him and make him feel real again (which he wasn’t, actually, but let’s leave the semantics to Logan). What that usually amounted to- these days, at least- was talking, and talking, and more talking, and eventually somebody would probably react to something he said. Ideally. 

So on that particular gray-day, Remus sprawled himself out on the couch and waited for the first person who came by to trap in a very one-sided conversation. 

Said first person was Patton, as it happened, which was just Remus’ luck. He didn’t bother hiding how excited he was about it; Patton had always been his favorite target- of course, it was for a very, very different reason nowadays. 

Patton sat down with him as soon as he was waved over, propping a coloring book open on his knee and smiling warmly. His unoccupied hand went to wind through Remus’ hair, though, to make it abundantly obvious that despite his distraction he wasn’t ignoring the other.

Remus grinned at him, and started rambling immediately. 

And he- well, he wouldn’t really call it talking to himself, because he didn’t have a fucking clue what he was saying. But he wasn’t talking to Patton either, because that kinda defeats the purpose of a one-sided conversation. 

Which he didn’t mind. He wasn’t even listening to himself, he just needed to talk, and Patton wasn’t complaining. Remus was probably saying something unsavory, and still, there wasn’t any kind of flinching or interrupting. Patton even mhm’d and yeah’d every now and then, which was an entirely unnecessary reassurance. But Remus thought it was adorably considerate, and briefly entertained the idea of replacing that sweet little coloring book in Patton’s lap with his own self, to get some proper attention. 

(He would have, too, if he wasn’t so sure that he’d blurt out something very lewd in his stream-of-consciousness kind of mood, with a position like that, and he wasn’t sure if Patton could handle it at the moment. Morality always got a little out of whack on gray-days, too, so- loathe as Remus was to say it- better safe than sorry). 

Remus fell into the rhythm of it for, what, twenty minutes? He was bad with time, but- all he knew was he was thinking about Albert Fish, and talking about an entirely different serial killer out loud (Gacy? Bundy? It was definitely someone infamous), when the hand in his hair suddenly stilled. Patton wasn’t looking at him, either.

Remus glanced around, still talking, to find Logan standing in the kitchen doorway, staring expectantly at Patton. 

“I need you to accompany me outside for a moment. There’s something important that we-”

Patton cut him off with a wave, “Hang on for a second, Teach.” 

Logan obliged, looking bemused, and Patton turned his attention back to the still-tangenting Remus. Who was totally checked out, for the record. 

“Hey,” Patton rested a hand on his shoulder, smiling warmly, “Pause?”

And Remus, surprised, did as asked. He didn’t care about what was going on around him, but he liked that smile, and the eyes focused in on him, so he sat up properly and tried to be quiet. Especially considering those were the first actual words Patton had said to him since he’d sat down. 

“I’m gonna go see what they need real quick,” Patton went on, “I’ll be back in a few minutes, and you can finish telling me about Dennis Rader then-” So that was who! “Kay?” 

Remus stared mutely at him for an embarrassing number of seconds. He eventually managed a short nod, some vague utterances of yeah, sure, go ahead, before Patton was out the door with Logan, and he was left reeling on the couch. 

Remus felt a little bit like worms had eaten holes in his brain like swiss cheese, leaving him airy-headed and dizzy. All his organs felt wormy, in fact- squirming and sick and excited about something that really shouldn’t have been a big deal- but! It was!!!

Cuz Patton had been listening? Remus wasn’t even listening! He was probably barely coherent, and he’d been at it for twenty fucking minutes, and- and-

God! He just wanted to grab that stupid adorable head of Patton’s and! He didn’t even know! Do Something, something disgusting in the nice way, something deplorably PG and lovey-dovey and- Ugh! 

Remus buried his face in his hands and groaned. He felt like a goddamn schoolgirl- and not the hentai kind, for a change, but the hopelessly infatuated, cutesy type. Feelings that were gushy, giddy, affectionately bloody. 

It was the straw that broke the camel's spine. Urges and instincts and wants that Remus hadn’t been able to name coalesced into a neon sign in his mind, flaring the answer like it’d been obvious the whole time:

Was it a crush? Remus didn’t know a better word for it, even if it wasn’t- he just knew that he was pining, and for somebody he was happy to call his friend either way. And, huh. Weird. He didn’t know he could do that. 

“I’m back, I’m back!” Patton came scrambling back into the room, jolting Remus out of his thoughts, “Sorry about that, it was- well, it’s not a big deal, something happened with The Memories and- it’s fine now- anyway, what were you saying?”

He was chattering fast, even by Remus’ Standards, an apologetic smile on his face as he sat down and settled all his attention on the Duke. 

Remus said: “It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” and wondered if he’d always been that shrill? Or was he being too quiet? What did his voice sound like again?? “I, uh, I don’t remember what I was talking about.”

Patton frowned at him, and looked about ready to apologize again, and he couldn’t very well have that. So, he babbled:

“Right, it was Rader? Um. Yeah,” but that was so far out of his mind by that point, and how did people ever talk while saying things and thinking other things! “Not much to say, ya know. Killed some people, got arrested, the usual.”

“Since when don’t you give me the graphic details?” Patton complained, “That’s your favorite part!” 

“I think I’ll spare you the nightmares this time, Morey! It’s, uhm, it’s your turn to talk.” 

“Oh, hush,” and Patton laughed, shooting Remus an encouraging, coaxing smile that made him just want to debone himself. “Those serial killer stories you like so much aren’t the nightmare fuel they used to be. You know why?”

Remus felt like the inside of his skin was full of spikes. Not in a bad way. 

“...Why?” 

“Because,” Patton said, like he was all too eager to explain himself, “I can’t really be scared of them when the scariest thing is what’s in bed with me.”

Remus flushed. Like, actually-  heat crawled across his face and over his ears, and he honestly had no clue the last time something or someone had made him blush. But Patton, acknowledging his scare-factor while somehow making it obvious he felt only safe with him, was apparently what ticked that box. 

“Right,” chirped Remus, “That’s- me!”

“Of course it is, Silly,” Patton bumped their shoulders together, smiling like he had no idea what he was doing- and to be honest, he probably didn’t.

Remus drank in the contact, happily using it as an excuse to wrap his arms around Patton and pull him closer. He buried his face in Patton’s shoulder, because as far as his impulses told him, he should either get the fuck away A.S.A.P. or drag Patton in as close as possible and not let go. Obviously, Remus had a preference. 

“You- uh- I was being serious though,” ugh, God, stuttering was so goddamn annoying- how did Virgil cope? “You should talk. I’m- I’m sorta overwhelmed.”

That was the truth, or part of it. Admitting it out loud at least managed to take some of the power out of it.

Patton immediately cooed at him- it should have been annoying; it wasn’t- and wrapped him up in his arms properly, muttering little of courses and do you need anything?s. Remus melted into him, finally claiming that spot in his lap (and any jokes his mind might have had about that were long gone, by then), shaking his head and glowing under the attention. 

Of course Patton was happy- after making sure that Remus was alright- to do some of the talking. He talked about his day, what he wanted to do later, or tomorrow, and of cute things that he’d seen, and a hundred other inconsequential Patton-isms. 

Remus was unused to sitting and listening, but with him… it wasn’t as bad as the Duke remembered it being. 

Oh, he was so fucking fucked. 

Chapter Nine

Taglist: @shrimp-crockpot @donnieluvsthings @glitter-skeleton-uwu @intruxiety @gayformlessblob @did-he-just-hiss-at-me @thefivecalls

[jidai]

jidai’s budget mutuals/friends appreciation

Hi, all! I’m quite late with this but I decided to put a small friends and mutual appreciations post in hopes of brightening up the end of this year a little bit. ❤️ If you were tagged, please make sure to check below for a small little message from me. However, I want to make it very clear that I truly appreciate all of my mutuals. You guys brighten up my dash and always reblog or create so many funny and creative posts. I just wanted to give a few special shout outs to those that have taken out the time to reach out and interacted with me past my ask box or we just see each other often.

The messages are ordered by your URL, so you might have to scroll for awhile before you see your messages. I’m so sorry lmao. 

Happy New Years, everyone!

@25th​​, Nonnie, the Young Genius. bro, remind me how old you are 🧍‍♀️ Like my brain CANNOT fathom the thought that you’re so skilled at SO many things and you’re not even in your twenties??? PLEASE SPARE THE TALENT. i will even accept crumbs. But I’m writing to tell you that you are such a wonderful presence on my dash. I always look forward to your gfx. They’re so SO good and you’re improving from one post to another. Like WOW. Now, you’re even starting an art blog, too? You’re so dedicated to the arts. I respect that a lot. Your hard work and commitment will bring you very far in life, whatever you decide to do. 

I love interacting with you. You’re such a big sweetheart and full of positivity and energy. I look forward to seeing more of your art and gfx ❤️

@biscuitwalk​, Dann, the AK Wiz. Dann, I know you’re not as active on here so idk when or if you will ever read this but I want to say that I miss you and your creations so, so much. I will say it a hundred times over and OVER but you inspire me so goddamn much. You have no fucking idea. Your works are absolutely gorgeous and unique. I can look at it once and I can instantly recognize your style (and your cute lil’ pufferfish <3). The way you utilize colors and implement various techniques, shapes, textures into your work. Goddamn, you’re so good. I always look to your work if I ever need inspiration and they help me brainstorm. God, I wish I could put it into words how much I adore your works.

We didn’t really talk for long but you seemed like such a kind and fun person to be around. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, wherever you are. Stay safe <3

@elriccs, Mirai, the Short King. 🧍‍♀️ ok look I know, I know I’m TERRIBLE at replying to you and I’m so fucking sorry. I absolutely love to talk to you but my dumbass cannot seem to reply in a timely manner LASELKSAL. That’s on me and I gotta do better. Anyways!!! Thank you SO fucking much for always leaving such kind messages on my work. I swear to god you’re one of my biggest hype man and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your tags. They’re so funny and it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Bro, like, you just radiate big fun vibes, bro. I really hope that I can get to know you better so I can just insult you until it’s too late to walk away </3

And of course, let me also remind you that I love your works so much. They way that you utilize your textures and those muted colors... OOMPH *chefs kiss* I will always love--

@lockhvrts​​, Em the Soulsborne GOD. hi em 🥺 it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper conversation with you and I hope you’re doing okay! I miss you and our conversations where we do nothing but geek out and complain about the game industry lmao. if you manage to read this, I just wanted to let you know I miss your presence here. It’s been kinda dull not seeing your beautiful soulsborne gifs and your game rants. Let’s catch up soon. <3 stay safe and well!

@nathanprescutt, Benn, the Man. BENNNNNNNN.  I love you a lot bro. I know we haven’t had long conversations for some time and I hope I can change that! You were my first friend on this blog and I will always appreciate it. I remember us just geeking out over your works and how I would always send you a gfx request like once a week LMAO. The one thing that I have always appreciated about you was the fact that you’re very opinionated (if not, very vocal on your stance on things) and you hold your ground. There were a few time where you encouraged me to speak on topics that I think I shouldn’t and that stuck with me for quite awhile. I’m still a nervous rambling mess when it comes to debates but just know that the one time you supported me to voice my opinion--I hold it very dear to my heart. 

While I don’t spend much time together, I will always remember our animal crossing session. It was  so much fun just trashing and chilling on your island. Especially the bar :( that bar was fucking AMAZING. Maybe once FFXVI comes out, we can geek out hehe

Also, thank you so much for sending in photos of all your doggos, omg. I miss seeing them so much I hope they’re doing well. Stay hot, my German bro lol. Ich bin sehr dankbar, so eine tolle Freundin zu haben. ❤️❤️❤️

@noxdivina​, Lin the Big Dick Daddy Kind. The church is open for business bitch and I’m here to preach the GOSPEL.

Okay, jokes aside, I’m really happy that we became mutuals. You’ve always give off this like, mysterious cosmic vibe (????? huh). And your selfies just further proves that you are wtf. But you’re always so kind to those that you interact with. You’re an absolutely sweetheart and like I just want to give you a giant hug every time we interact. You’re such a soft human being. It’s so nice being around you. It’s like being tossed in the oven and baked at 250 degrees F for 25 minutes. And to boot you’re really talented, hello? God really said let there be a perfect human being and yeeted you into the universe. Thank you for always leaving such kind messages and words in my DM/askbox/works. I cherish them so much. I hope I can get to know you better in the future bc you’re rad, bro <3

anyways, updated drawing of u and maya:

i always assume you’re in a black fur parka 24/7 and maya is coatless neck down. also deck me with those jacked arms of yours thanks  🧍‍♀️

(edit: fuck i forgot to draw a PARTY HAT ON MAYA IM SORRY)

@rokuseis​,��Sei, the Dumber.

i have nothing to say to you go away you banana hater ASELKSAEKL

BITCH, you doo bee getting on my nerve 24/7/365 🧍‍♀️ you were an unexpected but a very welcomed addition to my life. I can’t believe we really went 1 fuckin’ year without speaking to each other and then suddenly our friendship blew up because over a stupid BANANA. Now you gotta deal with me and my stupid, random, crude ass messages daily. I cannot. Clown to clown communication. But thank you so much bitch for being there for me and telling all of these funny ass stories and life experiences.

I know I don’t say it a lot because when we talk it’s literally just dogs barking at each other but I want to make it clear now: I love your humor and vibe so much. You never fail to make me laugh anytime I talk to you and I appreciate it so much. I can’t tell you how many times I felt better after talking to you. Even though sometimes your fucking jab hits hard and I end up actually inSULTED BY IT. But thank you for becoming my friend and I look forward to all of our stupid moments together. Looking forward to shitting in your sink when I finally fly to your home <3

@wolfamongthem, Anna, the Grinch. Please don’t hurt me for that title. I'm just saying if someone needs a live casting, it’ll be u. Anyways, did you know that I was so fucking intimidated by you for a long ass time, even before we became mutuals aseljas LMAO. I always see your gifs around on explore and they’re so gorgeous and then I look at your text posts and it’s u roasting people like there’s no tomorrow- 🧍‍♀️ bitch I was SCARED OF U KSKS. Now that I’ve talked to you a few times, you’re really funny like where do you find those reaction memes????? Like bro you and your shitposts is my morning cup of coffee. 

Anyways, in 2021 I expect a full-fledge review of all AAA games from you-- no more shit talking in the tags let it all out BITCH. Thank you for being such a great mutual! I look forward to see what weird shit you will send me the next time we talk lmao

@zenien​​, Selm, the I’m-gay-for-Lady-Maria-or-anything-that-moves-in-BB-Bitch™. ok bitch if I’m being honest I wrote yours last so my brain is FRIED. so everything i say from here is raw from the HEARt cause that’s all I got left. But anyhow, we savin’ the best for last! honestly, i didn’t expect you to barge into my life like that. i really didn’t. i was just gonna keep admiring with my 7 feet (2.1336 meters) pole. I’m glad you made the first move because look where we are wtf 🧍‍♀️ friends??? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that in 2014 when I first followed you lmao. 

You’re such a kind soul. I know you may disagree but I’m determined to convince you. I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me during my rough bits. It’s like sitting on a wooden bench in a park during sunset and you sit next to me, just enjoying the vast sky. You radiate such peaceful energy. It’s very calming. Or you know, 2 seconds later i’m suddenly suplexed by your 40 tons of insults like what-- 

Thank you for everything, so far. Truly. It’s been so fun listening to you talk about your Bloodborne journey and see your reactions live. It’s been so fun to see you post your graphics and it continues to blow me away. It’s been so fun hearing about your life and the stories of your adulthood. Every words that we have exchanged, I hold dearly to my heart--more than you ever know. Love u bitch.

[themusicplayedherlife]

Can’t Stop Dreaming

pairing: pining!steve rogers x f!reader characters: steve rogers, reader, word count: 1.3k+ warnings: pining, mild self-doubt, angst maybe? idk a/n: this is for @thefanficfaerie​‘s 3500 follower celebration! happy early birthday, doll <3 my prompt/song was: dreaming of you by selena

Steve can’t help it. 

It’s not like he wants to think about you. He just... does. And fuck does he feel terrible about it.

He knows he shouldn’t feel this way about you, knows he shouldn’t dream of more. 

Knows he shouldn’t picture what it’d be like waking up next to you every morning or how it’d finally be like to hold you against him, your back to his chest, playing with your fingers as that movie you love so much plays on your television.

He tries to forget you, honest to god, he tries. But every single time he thinks he can move on, fall for the next beauty that is willing to fall at his feet, you smile at him and say his name so sweetly, and it’s like his whole world lights up with vibrant colors. 

You’re not an agent, a super soldier, an inhuman, nor a mutant. You’re just… you, a regular human working in the finance offices located somewhere in the old Avengers Tower. If he were to ask someone about you, they probably wouldn’t even know who he was asking about. Hell, the fact that he was even able to meet you in such a crowded place is a miracle in and of itself.

Yet, somehow, between the bustling bodies, the loud noises, he saw you—your smile, your eyes, your unruly hair that you kept having to fight. One from who knows how many hundreds, and he saw you.

He exhales deeply through his nose and takes a slow sip of his bourbon.

From his seat, he can see you laughing, dancing around with your friends. You throw your head back, hand falling on your friend’s shoulder as she leans in to whisper something, your other friend shaking their head at both of you. And it’s hard for him to look away. Any time he tries, his eyes and heart seek you out.

How could someone be so beautiful?

“You going to keep daydreamin’, or are you finally going to do something about your crush?”

He shouldn’t be surprised that Natasha has caught on. He’s sure most of the team already has, if not, you wouldn’t have been invited to tonight’s event.

“Don’t,” he warns her. He doesn’t need a repeat of her throwing suggestions of who he should date. 

She only shrugs in response. “I’m just saying—“

He sighs. “Natasha.”

“What? Steve, this is good for you. She’s cute, she’s nice, and you obviously like her! Why don’t you just ask her out?”

Because it wouldn’t be fair. He couldn’t drag you into this life. Couldn't, wouldn’t, subject you to the what if’s; to the late night thoughts of wondering whether he’s alive or dead; of having to hear about his battles from the news; of having a target on your back. He couldn’t do that to you. Never. “She’s a civilian.”

And that’s all she needed to hear to understand exactly what he’s thinking. She sighs, leaning back against the bar, overlooking the people enjoying the event Tony had thrown last minute for one reason or the other. “Clint made it work.”

He knows. But it doesn’t change the fact that Laura worries about him, even if she doesn’t say it. “It doesn’t matter.”

Natasha shakes her head, sighing gently. “Steve—“

He stands up, downing the last bit of his drink and slams it down on the bar top. “I’m going to look for Bucky and Sam.”

She doesn’t follow.

The night doesn’t seem to want to stop. Everyone is having the time of their life, and admittedly, Steve is too.

He enjoys seeing Bucky come out of his shell, see him grow more comfortable with his friends and large crowds. Enjoys watching Tony and Bucky bond through technology and see their friendship grow. Enjoys seeing Natasha and Bruce finally give themselves the chance they deserve. Enjoys seeing the new members of the Avengers get along so well with the rest. It’s great.

But it’s also tiring. So tiring.

He rubs at his temple and excuses himself from his conversation with Carol and Rhodey; ignoring a couple of pretty women calling his name, vying for his attention. He makes his way down and out to the veranda no one uses, that no one even knows about except for Tony and a few others. 

It’s quiet, the cool, night air of Spring wrapping around him. The sounds of the party completely locked in and faded from the outside.

He takes a deep breath in.

“Long night?”

He’s startled, but he tries not to show it.

But fuck, your voice sends a shiver down his spine, drums at his heart. How is it that someone could make him feel so nervous? Make him a mess with just the sound of their voice? “Uh, yeah.”

The ends of your lips curl as you lean against the metal railing and he can’t help but mimic that smile of yours. “Even heroes need peace and quiet, don’t they?”

His smile drops and he finds himself looking away from you.

“I—I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to offend you—“ 

He’s quick to look back at you, eyes wide when he hears the stutter in your voice and the way you surge forward as if to reassure him, your hand hovering above his own before you pull back completely. 

“Sorry,” you repeat, a little sheepish and a little worried.

God, how he wishes he could just wrap you up in his arms, tell you it’s okay, and finally feel your warmth against him. But he can’t do that to you. He won't do that to you. “It’s okay,” he reassures you, or at least try to, but he can hear the strain in his voice—how much he’s holding back. “We do,” he finds himself answering your earlier question, and he can’t help the jumps and leaps his heart does when you tilt your head curiously. “But it’s not so easy to find it.”

“Why not?”

“Who else will do our job?”

You frown, mulling over his words, carefully planning out your response.

He knows you didn’t mean anything serious by your earlier comment, and yet, here he was making it serious. And here you are treating it as such instead of judging him.

“It shouldn’t be about someone else doing your job for you, Captain, or having to give up something you enjoy doing. It’s about finding a moment to just relax and be yourself.” Your gaze moves away from him and to the door leading back inside. “I’m sure that when you’re with your friends, you allow yourself to be you, not just Captain America the hero, but also Steve Rogers, the man.” You’re not wrong. “You might be both men, but… sometimes there needs to be a distinction.”

He wants to ask if you’d be that distinction. If you’d be the person to make him realize, he’s not just an Avenger, but a man. A man who can contemplate having a normal life outside of the Avengers.

But he doesn’t. Instead, he only stares down at you as you shift your weight from one foot to the other. 

You crack an unsure smile, curling a piece of unkempt hair behind your ear. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be saying all of this.”

He surges forward this time, heart clenching at the thought of having made you feel uncomfortable. “No. No, you’re fine.” But he can’t say you’re right, and he can’t say you’re wrong either. You’ll never know how much he wants to throw all of his reservations, all of his self restraint and just… just say fuck it and hold you. “Thank you, for what you said. I’ll take think about them.”

“Really?” He nods, eager to please you, to show you he cares about what you say. “Okay, then. Well, I should… I should go,” you start after clearing your throat, taking a step away from him. “I promised my friends I’d only step out for a moment. Have a good rest of the night, Steve.”

He nods, barely managing to say, “You too.”

He wants to stop you, ask you to stay for just a moment longer. Allow himself to indulge in you just a little bit further, but he doesn’t. And as you turn to look back at him, he can’t help but wonder if you also think of him like he does you. If you yearn for more.

If only he knew.

[snarkwriteswrasslin]

FFT: it should’ve been you; jay white

Notes:

This was sent to my main’s asks by @vonschweetz​ and I just.. got inspired to write an ALL HUMAN au for Jay White and my OC, Esme. And to be honest? Idk which version I’m more excited for the potential to play with now that I’ve found this post in my archives. Maybe both? Idk..

Pairing:

Jay White x OFC, Esme

Summary:

Jay and Esme have broken up but both of them are going crazy. Somehow, they find themselves on the same page and have a run in at the airport.

Warning:

uhh.. angst and fluff. oh and a runaway bride.

“ You alright, Switchblade?” the guy on the weight bench near the punching bag Jay White was currently beating the shit out of spoke up. Jay stopped and caught the bag, turning to glare at the guy. He shrugged.

… no, not even close, but hey, I’m gonna have to make it okay…

“ I’m fine.”

“Just heard some of the guys talkin earlier.”

Jay’s fists clenched at his side. He gritted his teeth and asked as calmly as he could, “Did y’ now? Well, y’ can run back to ‘em and tell ‘em that if they’re worried about anythin affectin me, it’s not. I’m untouchable. Nothin hurts, okay?”

Oh, but everything hurt.

There wasn’t a part of Jay White that was even a little okay with anything. But she’d left him no choice. She was the one who chose to leave. She was the one who couldn’t handle all the time apart, the dirt sheet’s lies, all of it. He didn’t know what to say or do to convince her that if he wanted another he’d be with another.

He assumed that she’d know that. That his actions proved true; that they were good enough to convince her that he wanted her and her alone. … apparently it wasn’t good enough, she’s halfway across the bloody world about to marry some other man...

Just the thought had him tensing all over again, grinding his teeth. If there was one thing Jay hated above all else, it was being made to feel powerless. And her leaving him like she had, without even giving him a chance to fight for what they had… it made him feel more powerless than anything he’d ever gone up against.

He swung at the punching bag again and again and again. It didn’t make anything feel any better. He probably would have kept going if not for the nosy guy speaking up again.

“I thought you were one of those guys who fought for something. Who got what you wanted, no matter what.”

Jay stopped the bag and turned, giving the other man a death glare. “The ‘ell are y’ suggestin about me, huh?”

He stepped up, the other man chuckled and waved his hands after raising them. “Easy, killer.. Not suggesting anything.. Except maybe you didn’t want whatever it is that’s got you all worked up as much as you thought.”

“Y’ don’t know me.”

“I thought I knew enough about you to know you wouldn’t just give up on something.. Or someone, should I say, without a fight.”

“I’m not giving up! She fucking left.”

“And you didn’t even try to stop her, did ya?” the other man smirked, sizing Jay up with a look on his face that really got under Jay’s skin. Jay grumbled and shoved past the man. It wasn’t his business and Jay wasn’t about to get into it with someone he barely knew.

“Just proves everyone right.” Okada called out and Jay stopped, glaring at the two men as Okada thanked the man whom he’d been talking to and slipped him a few bills. Jay chuckled dryly and shook his head, pointing to Okada. “I should’ve known you were up to this. You must be really worried about goin against me, playin these games.. Didn’t work, nice try.”

“Contrary, Switchblade. I think my ‘game’ served it’s exact purpose. You’re more rattled than I’ve ever seen you. Hope it doesn’t turn our upcoming match into a disaster.”

Jay growled, for a split second he nearly went back and kicked Okada’s teeth down his throat, but he stopped himself. Something the other man said earlier in the conversation came rushing back to him and suddenly, Jay White knew exactly what he had to do.

Four hours later, he was standing in line at the airport, waiting to board a flight to San Fransisco, where Esme was.

–

Esme was being poked awake. The kid in the seat next to her was staring at her when she opened her eyes and she yawned, eyeing the kid. “What?”

“You’re dressed funny.”

Esme looked down at the wedding gown, the night before replaying in her head. She laughed and shrugged, offering no further explanation. The pilot came on the intercom, announcing the flight’s landing in Japan, at the airport.

Esme shot up out of her chair, grabbing her one bag in a hurry.

The second she stepped off the plane she felt this peace, this sense of overwhelming relief wash over her in waves. Her mom’s advice came back to her and suddenly, it all made sense.

This was the right thing. This was a good thing.

Now she just had to hope it wasn’t too late to fix the damage she might have caused between herself and Jay when she chose to run rather than face her worries and fears and feelings head on. As she rounded a corner, she collided with someone in her hurry to get to the cab waiting area.

“Watch where you’re…” a very familiar voice started to snap and Esme found herself actually looking up from her phone, from the text she’d been trying to pour her heart into to the man in question. “Jay?”

“Esme?” Jay tried to maintain an air of nonchalance but his eyes gave him away. Esme took a deep breath. Words… Those were failing her at the moment.

“It should have been you, you fucking jerk. I was so so so stupid, I… I threw away happiness, I… I really fucked things up. I’m sorry, Jay. I’m sorry and I love you. I don’t think Daryl ever stood a chance, honestly..” Esme trailed off as Jay pulled her against him, his hand smoothing over her hair and chuckled quietly.

“I was comin to get y’. Was going to march into ‘at church and raise hell til ya listened to me.”

Esme snuggled closer and looked up at him. Jay trailed his thumb beneath her eye, catching the tear that was threatening to fall. “I left. I got to the chapel and I was getting ready and… nothing felt right. So I just bolted. I didn’t even go back to my place to pack or anything… It didn’t hit me where I was going until I bought the ticket back here.”

“ That dress has to be uncomfortable… I mean ya look amazing but..” Jay studied her, his hand cupping her jaw to keep her looking at him. “It’s not you.”

“I know. I hate it. Can we just go home? Please?”

“That’s th’ best thing I’ve heard all day.” Jay scooped her up and strode out of the airport..

[personne-reblogs]

Hello! Idk if you still accepting ficlet prompt or not, but if you do, would you mind if I request a combination of 2 fluff prompts between 52. “i’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice.” and 18. “are you that desperate?” “for you, yes.”, for OPM ship Batarou? Thank you very much 🙏💖

Whoopsie, I went a little wild with this one... well, you didn’t give me any word count and I was very inspired by the shameless flirt so I included prompts 55, 61, 62 and 63 as well. Thanks Anon, I had so much fun!! Hope y’all will like it!

Fandom: One Punch Man Ship: Batarou Word count: 4k Summary: Lately, Badd has been haunted by a ghost. Kinda. It looks like a guy with white spiky hair, but Badd's the only one to see it. It's following him everywhere, and it's able to help him fight monsters, and it Won't. Stop. Flirting.

Read under the cut or read on AO3!

A Ghost Story

***

There have been better days, Badd sighs to himself. The rain that ruined his carefully stylished hair this morning, the Hero Association meeting that took his entire afternoon, the busy traffic that almost made him late for his ice cream appointment with Zenko, the empty fridge that has him walking to the nearest nightshop at this late hour.

“You look amazing tonight,” a predatory voice purrs behind him.

Ah, yes. And the ghost that has been following him for days and won’t shut the fuck up.

“You’re still here, huh?” Badd asks without thinking, and immediately regrets it.

“Not like I’ve got anywhere else to be, dumbass,” the ghost replies, and Badd suddenly feels tired. He’s heard this shit, like, a thousand times already, and it’s been less than a week. “You should have registered by now. Nobody’s that stupid.”

“Hey, watch it, asshole,” Badd grunts defensively. “‘s been a long day, okay?”

“Oh yeah? How come I didn’t see any of that?”

There’s a smirk in the ghost’s tone, and Badd doesn’t even need to turn around to know there’s a teasing look printed on its face.

“Not every hard day is about fighting, y’know. Regular human stuff is exhausting too.”

“Right,” the ghost says, and there’s a pout in that.

Badd walks through the night shop's door and automatically goes for the drink aisle. He knows the ghost comes in too, but it mercifully keeps quiet.

It first appeared after Badd killed a random tiger-level monster on his way back from Zenko’s school. It has the form of a dude with strange white, spiky hair. A dude who looks like he practises a lot of sport - something contact-ish, martial arts, maybe. At first Badd thought it really was a random guy that had arrived after the monster was dead, but then the thing had followed him everywhere, claiming it was stuck with him, and Badd had realized he was the only one to see it. Creepy.

Now the ghost - that’s all Badd can think of to describe it - is part of his life, whether he likes it or not. It usually appears at night, when it’s dark outside, maybe cuz it doesn’t like daylight or some shit. Except it also appears each time Badd is in a fight. Even in plain day. Hell if he knows why.

“Keep the change,” he tells the cashier before heading back home with a fresh bottle of coke. He’s addicted to it these days. Can’t sleep early, so he might as well treat himself with something sweet while he endures endless conversations with the thing.

“I’ve always wanted to try it,” the ghost says conversationally as soon as they’re out in the street, because of course it won’t keep quiet any longer. God, Badd feels so tired.

“I’d gladly share it with you, but, you know,” he replies as mockingly as he can, turning around and slightly shaking the bottle before opening it and taking a long sip. He makes a show of savouring it just because he can and the thing can’t. It can’t touch anything real, actually, and isn’t that a fucking ghost thing?

Except it does manage to hit monsters in fights. It has happened before. Weird.

The ghost narrows its eyes at him and crosses its arms, but a twisted smile stretches its lips.

“Yeah, but you offered anyways. See? You’re cute when you’re half asleep.”

It really Won’t. Stop. Teasing.

Will it?

***

It’s two in the afternoon when he gets a call from the Hero Association. There’s a demon level threat across town, he’s the closest S-class hero around. He immediately goes to the location they sent him - he was bored anyway.

He’s surprised by the looks of the monster once he’s there. For its level, it happens to be… small, actually. Not even the size of a human being. It jumps in and out of sight, hides behind public bins, and destroys buildings as if they were nothing.

Shit. That one’s gonna be a pain in the ass.

“Fucking finally,” an unexpected, hungry voice hisses behind him, and he realizes he almost forgot about The Thing.

It’s been two entire weeks and he almost bloody forgot.

“Stay outta my way,” Badd orders, his grip tightening on his bat, his eyes searching the place to find the monster back. It’s gonna be complicated enough without the ghost distracting him.

“Yeah, right,” the voice laughs next to him.

“Dude, I really have no time for yer -”

He stops mid-sentence because there is suddenly a building collapsing beside him, and he doesn’t even have time to swear before he gets a glimpse of the monster across the street. It seems like it is avoiding contact, staying out of reach -

And then, in a blur, the ghost rushes past him to throw itself on the monster.

Literally.

He can’t make out what happens after that, not amongst the dust from the demolition, so he runs after them.

When he finds them back, the monster lies motionless on the floor. The ghost is casually sitting on a rubble, an arm thrown around its knee, a ferocious smile spreading wide on its face.

“Gosh, I’ve missed this,” it says as if it were talking about going for a walk in the sun.

It looks that refreshed, at least. Neat.

“What the shit?!” Badd barks, because even though he’s impressed, he doesn’t like losing control of the situation.

“Not the first time I give you a hand, you know. No big deal.”

“I would’ve handled this perfectly well on my own, thank you very much.”

“Yeah, and you would’ve destroyed the entire fucking city, so, you’re welcome.”

“Ghost, I swear -”

“Oh, honey, I thought we were past that,” the ghost says with an exaggerated hurt look.

“Past what?” Badd asks confusedly.

“I have a name, you know.”

“No, I don’t.”

“What?”

The ghost looks genuinely surprised, and it shouldn’t, but it makes Badd feel extremely satisfied.

“You never mentioned it. Your name.”

“I - really?”

The ghost shakes its head with an incredulous chuckle. It gets up from the rubble, comes a few steps closer, and presents Badd its hand.

“Call me Garou.”

Badd shouldn’t try to shake that hand. It doesn’t exist. His own hand would pass through it and he’d look like a fucking moron.

But he’s curious, so he does it anyway.

And it turns out it feels exactly like a regular handshake.

“Hi. I’m Badd.”

***

He his a martial art type of guy.

Badd has seen him in enough fights to know for sure now. It’s not just the vibe and the looks - whenever they’re in a fight, the ghost Garou uses sharp, precise techniques Badd could only dream of.

Not that he’s interested in martial arts, but he has to admit it’s quite effective.

Especially when Garou single-handedly brings strong ass opponents down like that.

 Hot.

“Pfff, no fun,” Garou sighs, disappointed, before coming back to Badd. He always does. Something to do with him being physically unable to wander too far away from his human host, or some shit.

“It isn’t supposed to be fun, but whatever,” Badd points out while poking at his own enemy with his bat, just to check. It’s dead alright.

“You say that because you’re not strong enough to have a good time.”

“Right,” Badd says. He has given up on reacting to Garou’s teasing. It’s no use.

“Maybe you’d be more useful in fights if you weren’t so busy staring at me,” Garou goes on.

Badd only raises a very unamused eyebrow at him.  

“I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice,” his ghost insists with that stupid, smug expression of his. He even - wait, was that a bloody wink?

“Urgh, I’m gonna be sick,” Badd tiredly mumbles as he turns around to leave the scene. Now that the fight is over, Garou will soon disappear for the rest of the day. Meanwhile, there’s a piano recital Badd needs to attend.

To be honest, he’s getting used to this whole ghost thing. Garou can handle himself in a fight. Hell, he can even be of some real use, Badd has to give him that.

Such a shame he’s that much of a big mouth. It’s been almost a month now, and his lame pickup lines still exhaust him.

***

When the evening is quiet and the weather is soft, Badd loves to just sit on the wooden stairs behind his house and chill. Zenko often joins him, and they chat, or she just reads a book until it’s time for her to get to bed.

That time was half an hour ago. Now Badd is alone with Tama, purring loudly in his lap as he pets her, and he simply enjoys doing nothing.

He doesn’t really notice the nightfall.

“It’s late,” a familiar voice says in a sugar-coated tone. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

Badd tilts his head to find his ghost in his usual sitting position, one elbow casually resting on his knee, a few steps higher.

He recognizes the question for what it actually is: an attempt at starting some small talk. He’s not in the mood, so he shrugs, and suppresses a grimace when the gesture makes his bandaged shoulders sting a bit. Then he shifts to find a more comfortable position and resumes petting Tama without answering.

Garou doesn’t insist. Nice.

They spend a moment like that, in silence, and with the light breeze brushing his washed hair, Badd thinks he could fall asleep right there. The adrenaline of the fight he’s had this afternoon has finally worn off, and he feels tired, but in a good way - it’s a physical weariness, not the nervous tension he’s been used to lately.

After a while, his ghost is talking again, and it would annoy Badd if not for the genuine curiosity in his voice.

“Just wanted to ask, about earlier… How did you do that?”

“What d’ya mean?”

“I saw that monster beat the shit out of you,” Garou says, and he sounds suspicious. “You were out, man. How the fuck did you get up and win after that?”

“Not thanks to you, asshole,” Badd groans, but there isn’t any bite to it. He’s actually smirking a little.

“That kind of brute? Not my style,” his ghost snorts with a disgusted expression. “Besides, I wanted to see how you’d manage without me, and… shit, I still don’t know what I’ve seen.”

Badd doesn’t know what he’s done to make an impression on fucking Killing Machine Garou, but hell if he doesn’t secretly feel very pleased.

“Just some good old fighting spirit,” he replies in a carefully neutral tone.

“Come again?”

“Y’know. When you get all angry at stuff. Makes you go wild.”

“You… were angry,” Garou repeats incredulously.

“Well, duh! Wasn’t gonna let that jackass waste any more of my time,” Badd explains blandly, and he doesn’t get what’s so hard to understand.

He turns to watch Garou, and catches him staring right back, eyes wide in a shocked expression. Then the ghost bursts out laughing, and it startles Badd, because it isn’t one of his damn chuckles: it’s an actual, full-throated laugh.

“What?” he asks, not knowing if he should feel cheerful or offended.

“You’re really something else,” Garou wheezes, theatrically pretending to wipe a tear away. “Man, I wish you’d killed my last host sooner - where were you all this time?!”

“You mean, that tiger level monster back when I met ya?”

“Yep,” Garou nods, sobering up a little. “I’ve been stuck with it for years. Never been so bored in my whole sorry existence. The bastard spent most of its time hiding from humans.”

“Why didn’t you kill it?”

“Because I can’t, obviously. I can touch my hosts, but I’m physically unable to harm them. I thought you’d figured that much out,” Garou explains, and his voice is regaining its teasing tone already.

“So that’s why you still haven’t tried to killed me,” Badd deadpans, feeling a little more up for banter than a moment ago.

“That, and also, who would you talk to if you didn’t have me?”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s pretend I’m not the one who’d kick your ass, why don’t we.”

“SAY WHAT??”

***

Garou doesn’t know exactly where he is during the day, when his host isn’t involved in a fight. Time passes differently, and for the most of it, he isn’t really conscious. It’s like he’s in some kind of stasis. And then, when he’s awake, he’s full of energy in a way humans probably can’t imagine. He wants to talk, to run, to explode and to scream. He wants to exist.

That’s why he likes fighting so much. It makes him feel useful. It makes him feel real. It’s the proof that he can leave his mark on a world he sometimes doubts he’s a part of. He’s had countless years to train, and he’s become strong - strong enough that he’s having a good time whatever the enemy.

But, well, fighting isn’t everything. He’s had dozens of hosts, and he’s never been able to walk too far away from them without slipping into his awkward rest mode again - only to find himself stuck with the same host when he wakes up again. Which always turns up to be incredibly boring. Between humans who mostly sleep at night and monsters who sometimes don’t talk at all, Garou has learnt the hard way that he’s, in fact, a talkative guy. And isn’t that a great thing to be when the only being in the whole universe who can see and hear you is your current host?

Garou has had his fair share of boredom, to say the least.

“Hey, dipshit, you awake?”

That’s why he’s more than happy with his new host.

“When have you seen me sleep before?” Garou replies with a playful smirk, tilting his head towards the voice.

It’s dark, and he’s outside, leaning his shoulder against the external wall of the house, arms crossed onto his chest. Badd is standing a few paces further and is giving him a vaguely annoyed look.

“Haven’t heard what I just said, have ya? We’re goin’ for a walk. Come on.”

“Why, babe, it almost sounds like a date,” Garou teases in his cheesiest tone.

“We’re out of food for Tama,” Badd goes on, unbothered, as if Garou hadn’t spoken at all. Damn, he’s good at ignoring him.

“Guess it can’t be helped,” Garou sighs loudly, trying very hard not to give away how eager he actually is to just… do something. Anything.

“Don’t make that face. We’ll make a lil’ detour by that shitty park - you know the one. Who knows what we might find there, at such an hour?” Badd grins, shifting his grip on his bat, and it seems like he’s eager, too.

Yeah, Garou thinks with an amused expression as he follows Badd into the street, that’s got to be his best host ever. Badd does sleep, of course, but far less than the average human - or, well, much later, so there’s that. He’s a hero, so he’s involved in more battles than Garou can count - and he’s good at fighting, in his own way. Not exactly the fast, calculated fighting Garou is used to, but rather a raw, brutal style, with a strength and a resilience that has forced Garou’s admiration more than once (meaning his host probably won’t die on him anytime soon - not that Garou would let that happen, anyway). Last but not least, Badd is fun to talk to, even if Garou’s constant teasing never seems to pull any reaction out of him - and that’s new, because all his previous hosts had let him get to their nerves so easily, but Badd won’t even acknowledge his little game, which is fun, too.

It’s fun because it allows him to push as far as he wants without risking damaging the balance they have found, and the domesticity of it is making him more relaxed than he’s ever been.

The park is quiet and empty when they get there. Garou tries not to feel frustrated, and fails. He’s glad he can stretch his legs a little, but he really could use some action right now. It’s been days since they last were in a fight.

“Shit, we’ll have to actually buy food for your stupid cat, won’t we,” Garou mutters.

“Don’t call her that,” Badd snaps, looking down at his phone. “But yeah, looks like everything’s fine tonight. Let’s go before the nightshop closes.”

So Badd won’t react to shameless flirting, but he will defend his goddamn cat. Garou smiles as he stores the information for later use, and makes to turn around and leave - except he doesn’t.

He suddenly feels like his whole body is being weighed down. He frowns down at his feet and insists.

He stays perfectly still.

“Well, well,” a smug voice says, “That’s a pretty friend you’ve got here, Metal Bat.”

Garou furrows his brow harder. There’s a man approaching - a random dude, all dressed up in a suit, hands in his pockets. On Garou’s left, Badd moves freely to face the newcomer.

“I dunno what yer talkin’ about,” his host says, sounding only mildly annoyed. “Who the fuck are you?”

“Thomas J. Lambert, at your service,” the guy introduces himself with assurance as he comes to a stop right before Badd. His attitude exhales cockiness and audacity. Garou already hates him.

“Never heard of ya,” Badd casually drops, as unimpressed as he always is. Which seems to suck a little of the fun out of the guy. Oh, he’s really good at this.

“Well, let’s just say that I’m an esper with… very specific abilities,” the douchebag goes on, and he sounds just a tad irritated. “I can feel the aura of your pet from miles away,” he adds, not even bothering to glance in Garou’s direction.

What a prick.

“I can hear you, y’know,” Garou interjects.

“And I can interact with it, too. My power is keeping it paralyzed as we talk,” Thomas Jerk  What’s-His-Name goes on, and he still won’t spare a glance at Garou. Badd does, though.

“Ya better hurry up and spit out what ya wanna say already,” he mutters, expression halfway between nonplussed and upset.

“It’s simple, really. I can rid you of this parasite - in exchange for financial compensation, naturally.”

“Oi! I’m right here,” Garou repeats louder, because he is beginning to lose his patience. He tries against his invisible restraints, without success.

His host is silent for long enough that Garou looks back up at him, and he is stunned to see Badd is grinning slightly.

Like he finds this whole situation funny.

The bastard.

“I’d make you a special price, of course,” Mr Jackass is still saying. “It would be my pleasure to help a S-Class hero out. What do you say?”

There’s a short silence.

Then Badd makes the most self-satisfied, shit-eating smile Garou has ever seen.

“How much would that be, exactly?”

“YOU ABSOLUTE ASSHO-”

“OKAY! Okay! Jesus,” Badd laughs, before turning back to the guy. “Sorry, fella, that’s… kind of you, I guess? but I’m not interested.”

“Are you certain, sir? Just think about it,” the son of a bitch insists. “I’m sure a hero like you could use a little peace at night.”

“Nah, I’m fine, thanks. Let him go, we’re moving,” Badd says as he begins to walk towards the exit of the park - only for the guy to block his way, hands lifted in a soothing attitude.

“What about the next host, then? Surely you wouldn’t willfully condemn someone to wear that burden after you.”

“Someone would hafta kill me first, and it ain’t for so soon.” Badd is probably starting to feel pissed, because he’s articulating every word distinctly, voice low and threatening. “I said I’m not interested. Let. Him. Go.”

The brat suddenly seems hesitant, but the pressure around Garou’s body doesn’t lessen. What is he playing at? No one in their right mind would want to get on Badd’s ner-

“I didn’t want it to come to this,” the walnut says, and his voice doesn’t sound human at all anymore.

Three things happen simultaneously. The force blocking Garou slightly diminishes, allowing him to take a single, difficult step forward. Badd falls down on one knee, as if he is now being crushed. And the suit of the esper tears itself apart, revealing a slender figure with what looks like a second pair of arms.

 A monster.

“Can’t say I was expecting to run into Metal Bat today,” the monster crackles, and its face doesn’t have anything human left either. “But you happen to be linked to a very powerful creature. I need to kill it to absorb its energy.”

“As if,” Garou snarls, taking another heavy step forward, struggling to regain more control over his body. Come on. Come on!

“I can’t have you protecting that thing,” the monster goes on, as if it doesn’t know how to shut the fuck up anymore. “But I don’t mean you any harm. We don’t have to be enemies. I’ll just keep you still while I take care of it.”

From the corner of his eye, Garou sees Badd brace himself on his bat and start to get up, but the monster points a finger at him, and he’s sent back to his knees.

The pressure on Garou loosens up a little more.

That fucker can’t immobilize us both completely, he realizes.

He tentatively straightens himself up and rolls his shoulders. His muscles feel heavy and slow as they strain against the still-there tension, but they obey him. He smirks. I can work with that.

“Your pet is still too weakened to overcome me, any-”

The monster is interrupted as Garou tackles it to the ground.

The close up fight is messy - a bit too much for Garou’s liking. He has to put all his focus on every move he makes, and even like that, he can feel how uncharacteristically slow and weak his attacks are.

“Shit,” he hisses against his better judgement when the monster hits him square in the shoulder. It doesn’t exactly hurt, but it does make him take a step back, and damn, he should have ducked that one.

He knows he should go for the arms. If he could tear one or two off, he’d have more room to use his usual techniques. But the esper knows better than to let Garou get too close, which is infuriating. It constantly jumps just out of reach, and only hits when Garou’s momentum prevents him from reacting in time.

I could use some fucking fighting spirit right now, Garou thinks, and he almost chuckles at the thought. Badd’s style isn’t always the most refined, but in Garou’s position, he’d probably still have enough raw strength to beat the shit out of that motherfucker.

Shame Badd isn’t in Garou’s position. The esper had said it’d concentrate on keeping the hero out of this, which is why Garou can move at all. Big fucking A.

Garou is pulled out of his thoughts as something punches him hard in the stomach, and the hit sends him flying a few feet away. “Dammit,” he swears as he raises to his feet again, reaching to the trail of blood that leaks from his mouth with trembling fingers.

He’s already getting tired.

And the monster only seems to become faster with each passing moment.

Its attacks still aren’t powerful enough to cause any serious injury, but time isn’t playing in Garou’s favor here.

I need to end this, he thinks. The sooner the better. He takes a deep breath and shifts his weight on his feet. He won’t win by his usual ways. He needs to rely less on the speed he currently doesn’t have, and to focus more on the few hits he can land if he wants to -

Right behind him, the monster emits something that might be a giggle, and Garou realizes it’s must closer than he’d thought.

He startles, turns on his heels, puts his guard up and braces himself -

The monster is hit by a metal bat on its side and violently crushes into the trees nearby, leaving greenish, fuming fluids all over the place.

Badd is standing in its place, and his face is maculated in red.

“You’re bleeding,” his host informs him, slightly out of breath.

Garou can’t believe this guy.

“I’m - ?! Dude, your face! What happened?”

“Hit myself,” Badd shrugs, swinging his now red-and-green bat on his shoulder, keeping an eye on the monster’s form where it landed. “To clear my mind of that jerk’s shit.”

“You -”

Garou trails off, because he needs a while to process this. A few paces away, the monster wiggles sluggishly - it isn’t dead yet, as the slight pressure still weighting Garou down should have let him know, and they should go on and finish it now, but he’s too stunned to get a move on.

So instead, he blinks and lets himself slip into more familiar ground as he cracks a flirtatious smile.

“Really? You hit your own head with your fucking bat just to give me a hand?” he grins cockily. “Man, are you that desperate?”

“For you, yes,” Badd states - he doesn’t whisper it, he doesn’t shy away from it, he states it, loud and plain, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Like it doesn’t make Garou suddenly feel warm all over.

For the first time ever, he doesn’t know what to say.

“Oh, so you’re the biggest bloody flirt there is, but I can’t flirt back?” Badd teases him with an all too knowing grin, before casually walking to the monster and delivering it the final blow.

Garou can feel his invisible restrains vanishing, but he still doesn’t know how to move. Or how to talk, for that matter.

“Come on,” Badd laughs as he shakes his bat to rid it of the monster’s gore. “If we run, we can make it to the nightshop in time to buy Tama’s food.”

“Wait-” Garou yells after him. “Wait, did you actually -”

“Come on!” Badd yells back, tone playful, and he’s already gone.

For a few more seconds, Garou just stands there, arms stupidly hanging at his sides, mind gone completely blank. Then a wide, amused, unbelieving smile spreads on his face, and he chases after Badd.

He’s blushing hard, but he can’t bring himself to care.

Badd cares.

And they have all the time in their intertwined lives to figure things out.

[if-weshadows-haveoffended]

Love Is So Confusing There's No Peace of Mind - Caduceus Clay x Reader

A/N: Me, reading the tag, finishing the fics: guess I gotta add some more then.

I LOVE PINK COW MAN SO FUCKING MUCH AND I LOVE CONFUSED AND EMBARASSED COW MAN EVEN MORE. I JUST LOVE HIM. IF MATTHOLOMEW HURTS EVEN ONE STRAND OF PINK HAIR IM FUCKING RIOTING. Anyway in light of episode 95 I’m gonna make a part 2 to this, so this is pre ep95 somewhere idk. Also Taliesin mentioned in an episode of Talks that Caddy shack always has music playing in his mind (I think he went with Bolero? I imagine the mii channel theme), so I’m playing with that idea.

Title: Love Is So Confusing There's No Peace of Mind Words: 2500+ Masterpost: here (x) Prompt List: here (x) Mixtape Archive: here (x)

Caduceus had been in a considerable pickle since his little outing last night.

Their downtime in Zadash had been pretty uneventful save Jester asking him to accompany her to some bakery or another. With her considerable… addiction seemed the right word… to the baked goods, his days seemed to be spent accompanying her for box after box of iced treats. If he was being honest, he wasn’t entirely sure if this was at all healthy, but at the very least it gave him some opportunity to meet different citizens residing within the city. It was easy, he found, with the adventuring lifestyle to become surprisingly more isolated than during his time at the Blooming Grove. There were days where he wouldn’t even see half of the Nein until it was time for dinner. So he found himself relishing these sorts of occasions, more so now than when the group had been less than reputable.

It was towards the end of their first week in Zadash when Jester tore into the room he shared with Yasha, screaming about something or rather about the most beautiful bakery she had ever seen in all of Exandria.

“DUECES! THEY’RE SO PRETTY! YOU LIKE HAVE TO SEE THEM IT’LL CHANGE YOUR LIFE! THEY’RE LIKE BOUQUETS OF FLOWERS BUT THEY’RE PASTRIES AND OH MY GOD WE’RE LEAVING RIGHT NOW!”

“Is this what you do all the time?” Was what he had eventually asked the surprisingly young owner of the bakery. He wasn’t sure how tall she was for a human, most humans (well everyone) seemed small to him. Jester truly had used all her strength to drag both himself and Nott towards the bakery (Jester had said it was technically a patisserie, not that he knew what that meant).

“Well, it’s a job and I love it?” She pushed back her hair and continued to wipe down the glass displays filled with a myriad of pastries and cakes. Each little dozen was different to the one beside it, and all of them were decorated with delicate buttercream-and in some cases, real- flowers.

“You’re clearly very talented with them,” Caduceus replied, thanking her as she handed him a flaky little pastry piled high with pale green cream and little blossoms. “Oh wow, that’s nice. No, really!”

The young woman had laughed, and he noted the colour about her cheeks. Their conversation had ended there as a number of customers had walked into the patisserie, Jester pulling him out the door and giving her customary farewell. He found himself the following day offering to buy the pastries on Jester’s behalf, solving her problem of being unsure of whether to buy pastries or ditch helping Fjord out with some shopping matters.

He never ended up returning home that afternoon. He’d simply gotten too carried away sitting at the patisserie, chatting with the delightful owner. He’d eventually caught her name (it was a very lovely name, it suited her) and she’d invited him to the pub later that day to hear her and her co-bakers perform as they usually did.

“Not sure how it started but eventually we decided it was a great way to have fun and get some extra pay. Childcare in Zadash isn’t cheap these days,”

“BLOODY SCALPERS!” An elven male baker had shouted while decorating the floral tarts.

“Anyway, you don’t have to come. But I’d really appreciate it if you did!”

And he went, nervously combing fingers through lichen-stained hair as he sat alone by the makeshift stage. His heart pounded in his chest, unsure quite why it felt like doing that. He had no reason to be nervous after all she was quite nice and he was only reciprocating the niceties she was showing him, and the last thing Jester would want was for him to get on the bad side of her “absolute-favourite- the-very-best-the-goddess-of-all-baked-goods-except-for-that-one-bakery-in-Nicodranas-that-does bear-claws” baker. (Or at least he thinks that was all the superlatives Jester mumbled out).

And Caduceus had thought, as he watched her give him a little wave as her band of bakers set up, that perhaps he was finally over these unnecessary jitters. Perhaps he’d be able to listen to her music and perhaps introduce her to the wonders of his little ‘death whistle’ as Caleb liked to call it. Or at least he had thought so until she opened her mouth and began to sing.

He was absolutely transfixed, half of him terrified and wanting to run away, the other never wanting to leave her side. All of time seemed to still and yet flow faster than he could have ever wanted, praying every second he could that he could remain in this moment forever. He found himself unable to form the words that would usually come, as they chatted over dinner following her performance, apologising as he stumbled and stuttered over words. And she would laugh with a shake of her head, kindly bumping her knee against his as they sat huddled up in the performers’ lounge at the back of the tavern. Their talk of every day adventures and his little gripes (gripes was the nicest words) of the Nein in the Xhorhaus, and of the beauty that drove her work.

“…And you see, they’re just such a difficult shade of pink to replicate. Like your hair, I suppose. It’s very pretty,” She had said as they walked home, her hair streaming about in the brisk night breeze. On instinct he found himself moving by her side, curling her under his arm and pressing her against the side of his body. She thanked him, smiling brightly at him, and he smiled back relishing in how perfectly she fit.

They’d fallen into companionable silence, walking their way back to The Leaky Tap. She quirked a brow when he’d mentioned that was where he was staying.

“Well, you’re certainly braver than I am. That dude gives me the creeps.” She made a vague gesture to sweat at the temples and he assumed she meant the Gentleman.

“He’s not so bad.” Caduceus replied with a laugh, his mind desperately searching for ways to stretch this moment out as long as he could. “You really do have such a beautiful voice,”

“No,”

“Really,” He drew closer, holding both her hands in his, “It puts songbirds to shame. I’d love to hear you more.”

“Well, you’re welcome any time Caduceus Clay.”

He froze at that point, feeling her tug him down to press a kiss to his cheek. With a wave she began to walk away, a skip in her step and hands buried into the pockets of her skirt. For how long he stood there, only the Wildmother knew, his face burning up and a sense of giddiness building up within him. All he knew was that he just stood there, staring at cobblestones like some sort of idiot. Part of him mused at how they sparkled just a little under the moonlight.

If Colton ever heard how he was thinking, he’d never hear the end of it.

He couldn’t even find the familiar comfort of sleep, tossing and turning and irritating Frumpkin who had curled into the space by his shoulders. Instead he lay there upon his bedroll awake, staring at the shadows that danced upon the ceiling. His ears twitched at the distant sound of murmurs and Jester’s hushed giggles, but the effort he’d usually use to eavesdrop was simply missing. No, his mind was filled with the feeling of her soft lips pressed against the fuzz of his skin and the way her eyes shone as she had looked at him. And he, cursing his curiosity, found himself lost in the mesmerising depths of her eyes.

And that was how he ended up here, sitting at the vacant bar (save the Nein), asking Jester for help.

At some point his mind began to turn blank, filling with the sounds of a busy hive of bees and the distant memory of music. Jester’s mouth seemed to move much slower than the stream of lively sounds that emanated from herself. He barely registered Nott making some sort of joke that Fjord half-laughed-half-reprimanded her for, attempting to somewhat come to his defence. Caduceus found that sweet- or at least he would if he knew what was happening. Even throwing a look of help at Yasha couldn’t save him from the rising heat in his face and ears as she smiled and said something that threw the group into even more of a chaotic round of laughter. But it was a small quip Jester had made that sent Beau sliding to the floor and Fjord choking for air as he grabbed his stomach. Caduceus did everything he possibly could to just curl in on himself and wish for the Wildmother to send some form of giant carnivorous plant. He was sure Fjord could agitate one enough to swallow him whole.

“What’s this about deflowering the firbolg?” Caleb wandered into the room where he and the others had been discussing his current predicament. Caduceus was unaware that he could get anymore embarrassed than he already was, his face buried into his hands and his tail flicking about erratically.

“Caduceus has a crush!” Jester sang, head sitting on her hands and trying to stifle her giggles.

“I don’t think it’s a straight crush Jessie, it sounds bit more complicated than that.” Fjord tried remedying, throwing him an apologetic look. Caduceus’ ear twitched as he noticed that Fjord was only half apologetic.

“No, Deucey is hopelessly and utterly in the throes of love!” Nott hushed Fjord with a slap to his arm, the latter dramatically complaining of how hurt he was. “Positively twitterpated.”

“Cad needs to fuck,” Beau explained to Caleb as he took the seat next to her, “But like… with feelings and serious monogamy and all that sort of crap.”

“Doesn’t the Wildmother have teachings on sexy times and all that? The Traveller probably does I mean he’s super cool and all that-”

“Well,” Caduceus cut off off Jester’s tangent, his voice louder than usual. He was unaware it could get this high or this loud. It was a terrible reminder of that time they had spent before King Dwendal, the urge to simply feed Ikithon and his rudeness to some deadly creature rearing itself in his mind again. “All… that… is part of nature and something that perpetuates her cycle and her creation. But I don’t think this is what she had in mind…”

“All sorts of animals have courtship rituals, ja?” Caleb not-so-helpfully bought up, Caduceus shot him a brief glare from between his fingers. “I suppose the most helpful question would be: what do you want from this?”

He slowly prised his forehead away from his hands, taking deep breaths and trying to calmly face the group.

What did he want from this?

“And asking the Wildmother is cheating!” Jester added hastily.

Well that removed that option.

He supposed he liked her voice. Music had always filled his mind, the Wildmother present in all the music of nature. Sometimes it felt like it took over. But her laughter, the way she sang, the way she smiled as she sang. Part of him knew that he would never be able to wash those beautiful sounds from his mind.

Jester had often talked about romances and her fairytales, and Beau of other women she’d slept with. Hells, he’d even witnessed Fjord sacrificing himself (not that he needed to) upon the Squall Eater just to appease Avantika. But he’d never considered any of those for himself. He’d always assumed that perhaps, if it ever happened and the Wildmother deemed it part of his destiny, she would send someone along he could perhaps get along with. Someone he could envision just spending hours in silence, understanding and enjoying company. Someone who perhaps understood other parts of him- ones that he very rarely even let his own family see. And she was beautiful, all encompassing and demanding every second of his attention, almost terrifying. But nature was beautiful in that sense as well.

And taking a quick glance up from his hands and a look around the table, the sickening, horrifying realisation that he’d said all this aloud sunk to the pit of his stomach.

“Well,” Caleb coughed into the purring cat in his arms, “That answers that.”

“Perhaps, perhaps oh my gosh Caduceus, what if this is that!” Jester suddenly piped up, grabbing ahold of his shirt and shaking him a little. “You have to see her now! Ohmygosh!”

He vaguely felt himself protesting, saying that perhaps she was misinterpreting things. But Nott only scoffed at him, licking the palm of her hands and trying to tame his hair down the way his mother once did. He felt both Fjord and Yasha heave him out of the seat, pushing him in the vague direction of the door and suggesting something or rather about casually asking- oh no Fjord was saying make a show of it- no, Caleb was suggesting being forthright but gently romantic. Caduceus heard himself somewhat protesting, Nott offering him a swig of liquor and almost succeeding in pouring some down his throat had Jester not shoved in next to him to hand him a bouquet of flowers.

Now where in Melora’s green earth did those appear from. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to know anymore.

But perhaps they were right. Perhaps, as Caleb supplied into his ear holdinga pearl to his forehead, that the small kiss was indicative that she also wished to get to know him better. Despite all his reservations, he found himself somehow trying to listen to every single fragment of conflicting advice Fjord and Beau were throwing at him. He even found himself listening to Nott practically shouting some carnal knowledge into his ear, Jester enthusiastically joining in as he practically tripped over Fjord’s feet. Fjord held him up, though he seemed to be finding it difficult to meet his gaze as the two continued relating all information they thought would help. Yasha, thankfully saving him, cleared her throat and levelled the two with a glare.

“You got this Cad! I believe in you!” Beau had slapped his shoulder hard enough for him to almost stumble out the Leaky Tap, “I’m so proud!” she wiped away a stray tear from the corner of her eye, resting her shoulder against Yasha who only nodded in agreement.

He took several steps out the door, fiddling with his earring and adjusting the bouquet in his hands. Caduceus noticed with a start that the delicate blossoms matched that impossibly sweet shade of pink she had mentioned. The ones that dusted her most favourite of baked creations and held pride of place at the centre of her display. He took one look back, noticing his friends all standing at the door, thumbs up and shooing him enthusiastically to go after her.

Well, there was no time like the present. He straightened his shoulders, and an unbidden grin forming upon his face, he headed in the direction of the bakery with a determined step.

“AND BRING ME BACK PASTRIES IF YOU TWO AREN’T LIKE YOU KNOW BANGING AND MAKING MINI FOLLOWERS FOR THE WILDMOTHER!”

[clown-bait]

Monster Family (Monster Roommate AU) CH9

HIATUS OVER! Im back! I had to take some time off in the fall because holy hell life got crazy! But Im back and Im determined to finish this and get the story through IT ch2 idk how long that will take me but now that Im financially stable I finallly have time to write!

CH 9 Hospital

When you're on a diet the last place you want to go to is an ice cream shop where temptation surrounds you in every corner. For Pennywise staring at a room full of screaming crying infants was like standing in an ice cream shop with a growling stomach and the world's biggest sweet tooth. 

They were so helpless and plump he could just pluck one up and swallow it whole. No one would even notice! They're all just right there! The Adam's apple of his human form bobbed up and down as he gulped and pressed a hand to the window. 

"First time dad?" A man was speaking to him he sounded disgustingly confident and joyful.

"Yes." He answered distantly.

"Aw congrats son! My wife just popped out number 3 right there! Cute little tyke, those legs look like a future football star's legs I'm tellin ya! Nice and plump gonna be a strong runner!"

Robert Grey wiped his lips with his sleeve as he stared at the squirming drumsticks. 

"So newbie which one of the little rascals here is yours? Wait don't tell me, the one with the fish eyes HA!"

Robert held back a snarl. "My offspring have not arrived yet." He said almost ominously 

"Ah hell don't be nervous pal! You'll be fine!"

"I do not get nervous." Robert did growl this time. He wanted to leave not only because this human stunk of pork rinds and grass cuttings but more so that he was stressed being in this place. There was a lot of fear in these halls possibly some of his own. His mate's seizing body was still fresh in his mind and the blood from her head was still under some of his fingernails. She will definitely kill him when she wakes up.

"Mister um Grey? Your wife is…..well she's stable will you please come with me?" A nurse called to him. Finally an excuse to leave. 

"Go get em champ!" He heard the human male call out to him. The eldritch decided that none of his offspring will be participating in this game of footballs just to avoid ever encountering this loud individual again. 

"We don't know how to tell you this sir but your wife is….well she has no pulse... Medically speaking she should be dead.." Robert stood unamused at the door of a hospital room he really did not want to be in. "I'm aware of that." He growled at the confused nurse. He should probably make her not see the fact that leech was a card-carrying member of the living dead but to be honest he wasn't focusing too much on what people saw and did not see. Most of his attention was on the strange male who insisted they came here instead of home. He didn't like the smell of him and did not like that his mind was unreadable. All he knew about him was that he knew his mate and had more than just a guitar in that case he carried. 

When the man found them it was Robert Grey's face he wore while he stood in the middle of the road. The creature frantically licked his seizing mate whos swollen stomach flashed frantically with muffled light. No matter what he did, he couldn't get it to stop and his silver desperate eyes reflected back in the approaching headlights. The following conversation was a blur,  the man apparently had met them the night before on that wonderfully brilliant bender he went on. Something about getting his mate to the hospital something about a friend who worked there….

"Sir? Are you all alright? " The nurse asked and brought the eldritch out of his thoughts. He let out a very inhuman snarl and pushed past the woman "sir! We need to discuss this more there's the matter of an ultrasound and-" Pennywise slammed the door behind him. He glanced up at the scene before him; another nurse fussed over the unconscious vampire smearing ointment on her stomach as she lay as still as a fresh corpse. He did not like the way they touched her nor the smell of the bandages on her head.

"Oh you must be the father? We're about to take a look at the baby." She said cheerfully. Pennywise's scowl did not change. 

The instrument pressed into his brood and a fang twitched over his lip. How dare this filth touch his mate and his eggs. He moved to protect but stopped when little lights began to dimly glow beneath the surface of Leech's pale skin. The nurse was mumbling something about seeing babies then she froze jaw going slack at the sight of the monitor. The infant deadlights within his vampire all shined through the screen, paralyzing their victim while rotating hypnotically just like their parent lights. The eldritch finally softened his gaze at the sight of his offspring. Pride stole his breath away from him and his scowl slowly warmed into a smile. Not even born and already making kills. He understood it all now, pride in something other than himself. Was he crying? Can he cry? Pennywise was lost in pondering these new emotions not even registering that his mate had come to and had bitten into the brain scrambled nurse. Leech hissed as she sucked the life out of the woman reflecting soulless eyes at the dumbstruck cosmic horror who was still completely mesmerized by all the strange new parental feelings it was trying to process. He didn't move till the empty body fell to the floor snapping back to reality at the sound of the heavy thud. Leech returned to a reclined position resting her palm on her churning stomach feeling the happy buzzing beneath her skin coughing and wheezing as if the blood she just consumed was her first breath of life.

A tissue dragged over her lips and one of her eyes slowly opened to watch Robert hover over her. "You're in trouble." She muttered.

"When am I not." He smirked and licked the tissue before swiping blood from her cheek particularly hard. 

"You didn't even propose you dick!" Leech growled and gingerly sat up. 

"Was tired of being bothered." Her mate tossed the tissue aside and instead switched to running his thumb over her cool lips. He licked his fingers clean with a satisfied groan. 

"That's not really the point of getting married Pen." Leech replied quietly and the mood changed fast. Robert's hands pulled away from her and a coldness filled the air. The eldritch stepped back towards the door and Leech could see the hurt on his features even if he hid it.

"..........You do not want this?" was he sad? Oh great drama queen is upset. 

"Hey I'm having your fucking babies egg head!" She blurted out trying to get out of the bed but struggled from her size. Her mate was already getting ready to walk out. "Pen don't fucking jump to conclusions. I don't want this in the way you did it! That's what has me upset!" She felt fear in her throat followed by the pain of her own children feeding off her. Tears spilled from her eyes as ichor bubbled from her mouth. "I want it to fucking mean something to you, like it does for me!" She gurgled weakly spilling black goo from her lips to the floor. Her mate did finally stop trying to leave much to her relief. She coughed and gripped the bed tightly. "I didn't even get a bachelorette party…." She could feel herself panting and she shifted back to a reclining position. "Hey, I still love you, you big drama queen. Don't ever doubt that. Can we just discuss this post offspring? I got a lot on my plate right now."  After an uncomfortable silence he turned to her with wild golden eyes. "They look like me." Was all he said. 

"They eat like you too." Leech sighed wiping her own blood from her lips. Robert's lip twitched upward as Leech shut her eyes in relief "I hate saying this but-"

"You need my help."

"You're the one who did this to me anyway." The vampire groaned and shut her eyes. "I feel so gross and bloated." She felt a hand reach under her knees and another slither around her back lifting her with ease. "Who's being the drama queen now?" He finally grinned 

"Fuck you." 

"You've already done that darling." Robert smirked with pride kissing her bandaged head. Leech traced the nail of her thumb over his cheekbone and her eldritch leaned into the touch.

"Just mouth stuff then." She smiled and kissed his soft wet lips.  

"What the hell are you doing?! Put her back idiot!" The pair froze at the shout as two men burst into the room. Pennywise's eye cracked open and rolled to the side, eyeing them both with venom. "Oh christ, they killed Bridget." The doctor groaned. Herbert West lifted the dead woman's wrist and dropped it "I suppose I can use the body for research. This will be such a mess to clean, you people are nightmares to work with I hope you know that." 

"I thought you said you didn't work with the living doc." Leech grumbled as her mate eased her back down and stood guard in front of her bedside.

"Your buddy here called in a favor."

"The guy from the bar?"

"Call me Duke darlin, Duke Rivers! Found the two of you in the middle of the road, gave you a lift." 

"I don't remember anything after passing out." Leech grumbled gingerly touching her head. 

"Shoulda seen that old bug of yours! What a worried wreck! Didn't I tell ya he'd come around?" The older man laughed then placed his coat on his shoulder. "I'll bet letting the doc take it from here, consider it my one good deed of the day. Come see my show sometime kid." 

"I- yeah, I think I will thanks." The man studied her as Robert shot a venom-filled glare in his direction then nodded at them as he slipped out. Leech barely had time to think before being roughly grabbed by the chin.

"You seem to be healing slow your um..species.. is known for regenerating yes?" West turned her head and pulled back her dressings.

"You think I'm sick?" Leech sat up taking her mate's hand.

"Do keep in mind I specialize in humans this is completely uncharted territory for me." 

"Well I'm human-shaped….most of the time…"

"I'll need you to go over weaknesses and allergies of both you and your...significant other. Something could have weakened you or the babies." 

"I have none!" Robert butted in with pride. 

"Yeah yeah lucky you." Leech grumbled. 

"And I believe I told you to wait till sunset but ohhhh no someone just haaad to go swimming."

"Oh shut up you were just as into it as I was."

"So you've been weakened by sunbathing despite knowing you're allergic to sunlight. And here I thought legendary monsters would be intelligent." The doctor sighed and turned the vampires head who hissed in annoyance. "Figures you are more vulnerable in your condition. By the rate your head injury is healing it'll take days instead of hours till you're on your feet. Hope the tan was worth it."

"Your bedside manner needs work doc." Leech muttered as he roughly redressed her wound 

"I work with the dead not the living"

"It shows." Robert nearly hissed not liking the way this other touched his mate so carelessly.

Leech rolled her eyes at him "So I don't know about you boys but i need another drink. Hook a girl up doc? Got any A negative? That shits rare!" 

"I would like a baby." The cosmic horror said cooly

"You already have babies Pe-.......wait…..no. oh no you are not eating a baby!"

"Peachy they are literally right there!" The eldritch's fangs split his face as he glared out the small window. His company looked mortified "Just one, one small soft and squealing."

"You are not eating a fucking baby!" Leech growled.

"I deserve one!" The disguised clown snarled glaring at his mate with vermilion eyes and a broken human face. 

"You already got my ass virginity today!" Leech snarled back rolling her eyes at the dramatic display.

"Things I did not need to hear at 5 am….. look I'm not stealing you rare blood types and infants for a grotesque gourmet feast. I will supply you with what you will need and then ask you people to get out of my hospital." The doctor grumbled and began to fuss with the corpse on the floor. 

 "Fine then Pen take me home, I'd rather rot in my own bed anyway." 

"I told you a couple days rest. You will live, are all of you this dramatic?"

"Only the pretty ones doc!" The vampire flashed a parting grin as they left the doctor to clean their mess. He was grumbling something about never working with the undead again. 

------------------

"You should be resting." Her monster’s voice hissed from under her bed. Leech shot a disinterested glance to the floor then back to her window. She felt a puff of hot moist air uncontrollably close to her face then heard a maw of teeth open "YoU sHOulD bE REsTinG." The eldritch gurgled.

"You realize the scary faces are gonna keep me awake right?" Leech cooly said and heard a set of jaws snap shut with enough force to break bones in two. 

"Things other than scary faces are keeping you up. I smell it on you." Her clown’s voice warbled out and Leech subconsciously moved for him to join her. 

"You ever look at someone you've never met and just feel like you know them?"

"No. But I am amused by this continue." The massive horror smiled through his words as he bullishly snuggled his way into his mate’s bed.

"I think I know the guy who helped us. I don't know why though." 

"Hmm too much stressing for you Mrs. Wise. But I will help put your mind at ease when you feel better. Promise promise." Leech felt soft nuzzles against her head as her mate ran his cheekbones over her skull like a cat. 

"I thought we agreed not to talk about that." Leech grumbled and turned to face her apparent "husband". "And its Grey. I like Grey on the end of my name."

"Someone's thought of this before!" Pennywise's smile widened. "Daydreaming about your clown my dear?"

"Don't embarrass me." Leech grunted and buried her face in his ruff. If she was alive, her face would be hot. "I'm not considering this official until we have a real ceremony and I get a ring. Call me old fashioned but your girl has standards."

"Hmm as you wish then Mrs. Grey!" He chuckled darkly smirking at her darkened cheeks and wide-eyed expression. 

"You fucking jackass." She muttered as her clown cackled grabbing her tight and tickling her skin. So much for bed rest.

[casimania]

Hi for the ot3 ask Chloe/Dan/Lucifer also your blogs amazing

Aw thank you! And thanks for the ask too!!

Also this now turned into A LOT of talking about AU ideas I tend to do this a lot, as long time followers and HINABN folks might know lmao

Who’s the vampire, who’s the werewolf, and who’s the human?: Lucifer is the old as balls vampire, Chloe is the regular human and Dan the recently turned werewolf. They’re private investigators here. The weight of hiding what happened to him to Chloe + how it happened (still got into bad shit with Malcolm) puts a strain on their marriage and they divorce. Things change when the mysteryous nightclub owner Lucifer Morningstar gets involved with Chloe’s job. Dan immediately sniffs out he’s a vampire and tries pushing him away from Chloe casue *DANGER*, Lucifer basically wipes the floor with his ass (older and more powerful), then implies Dan and his inexperience as a werewolf are far more dangeroud for Chloe and Trixie than Lucifer himself is. But then probably either takes pity or is worried Dan could lose control and mess things up for the other monster folk of LA and him (and could actualy hurt Chloe and Trixie) and sort of shows him the ropes. I’m imagining a Vampire: The Masquerade/Shadowhunters deal with the society, like, there is a more or less secret and organized one for beings like them. Dan just went under the radar (was accidentally turned in an isolated place with no witnesses left alive) and then was surprisingly good at dealing with things on his own for someone that basically stumbled into it. Also Lucifer still partners up with Chloe on the job, he just does it at night. Shit gets more fucked up when Malcolm who was previously thought dead turns up like some sort of ghoul or whatever. Also Chloe is pretty pissed at everyone for hiding things for her but this way she manages to have an honest conversation about what Dan has been holding it (cue emotional breakdown for Dan probs lol), also between the time spent working with Chloe and helping Dan Lucifer starts catching the Feels, Dan and Chloe do too for him but also feel guilty because now that they’re on the same wavelenght again and Dan is starting to make things up with Chloe (regarding Malcolm) they also start missing each other. Also Chloe is some sort of anomaly on which vampires Glamouring powers don’t work, instead of being a Miracle. Mama Decker had a spell cast on her or something and Chloe ended up being resistant to vampire mind tricks, and maybe their bite/blood isn’t addictive to her like to other humans.

Who’s the mermaid, who’s the marine biologist trying to capture the mermaid, and who’s the surfer who’s trying to stop them? Lucifer is the mermaid, Chloe is the marine biologist and Dan is the surfer. Lucifer is trying to hide from some Organization™ that wants to study him. Chloe gets hired by them and doesn’t know at first they actually want to do more than just try to interact with him for like science and friendly relations. Dan is her ex husband and local surfer dude who had actually met Lucifer many times before (but they both interacted at a safe distance, like left things around for each other or they both did swimming/diving/surfing tricks as the other watches, Lucifer may or may not have tried to take a bite out of Dan at first). Chloe manages to actually enstablish a dialogue with Lucifer (she’s not wary of him like Dan and actually figures out things about his biology/culture via her job, Dan sort of stumbled into the gift exchanging thing on accident actuall lmao), but then the Organization uses their growing bond to lure him in and capture him and when Chloe realizes he’s now caged and hurt helps him escape but also then tries tracking him down on her own to help him. Lucifer goes to Dan for help who’s lime “oh fuck oh fuck”, his first instict is to finally contact Chloe about the fish person he knows and ask for help BUT figures out she’s working for the Evil Organization, freaks out, and hides Lucifer. After some misunderstandings Chloe figures out Dan is not just being shifty and getting distant/giving her the cold shoulder for no apparent reason, Dan figures out Chloe actually knows the Organization is Big Bad and has been working against them just fine (he was first worried she was in the know, then calmed down and figured out she’s actually a good person and wouldn’t, but then got it into his mind that it meant she didn’t know at all and must be protected at all costs from the truth lest the big bads hurt her. unknowingly to him she’d been kicking ass all along. he tends to get his head up his ass a little bit in this au too lol), and Lucifer figures out Chloe didn’t know the ppl she worked for wanted to hurt him at first and was actually the one that helped him escape (either didn’t see her or was too hurt to remember). They tend kick ass all together and unexpected Feelings happen along the way (the high stakes situation with a lot of secrecy and working with each others thing in particular helped Dan and Chloe deal with the things than caused their marriage to fall apart and they actually manage to fix some of them, especially on Dan’s part).

Who’s the witch who just wants to live alone, who’s the (royal person) who ran away and imposed on the witch’s life, and who’s the knight/whatever tasked with hunting down the (royal person) and bringing them back to the castle? (Bonus: Why did (royal person) run away?): Chloe is basically some sort of sword wielding Witch Detective. Like she has a sword, she has a shield, she can turn you into  a frog, makes potions and wanders around and like catches bad guys and solves mysteries and then retreats to be by herself (she’s been hurt in the past, wanted to be a Knight but during like Knight Academy the Witchy Powers awakened in her and theh booted her out cause Witches should do Witchy Jobs and she said “fuck off” and went to do her thing on her own). Dan was her lover at the time and failed to stand up for her enough when she was booted out and just stood by watched her disappear. Lucifer is the Prince or something with a shitty family who runs away and seeks out Chloe to either help him defeat and Evil relative or just keep his presence hidden with her magic (like idk shroud him from other magic users who might be employed to look for him). Ends up his family and him have their own type of magic (like maybe they just develop a specific power, like he gets the Desire thingie and Amenadiel maybe can’t fully stop time but can slow it down or he can move faster through it or something) and ends partnering up with her (to her initial horror). Dan actually became a better person and capable Knight along the way and gets employed to bring Lucifer back. Manages to track him down to Chloe and they’re all like “oh what the fuck”. There’s a bit of a scuffle but Chloe and Lucifer probs convince him the family is actually shit and it would end up ugly for Lucifer. So he joins them in helping him (Chloe has growing feelings for Lucifer who has growing feelings for her, Lucifer thinks the Douchey Knight isn’t so Douchey, Dan is like “oh man I’ve regretted hurting Chloe for years and was lovesick and now I’m literally dying with her in front of me and holyshittheroyaldudeisFINE, Chloe also likes this improved Dan, like this is a Dan she can vibe with (there’s probably some emotional moment where he’s all fucking in for Chloe without question like he never was before and Lucifer is too and she’s like “I’m not crying you’re crying).

Who’s the dragon, who’s the (royal person) they kidnap, and who’s the knight tasked with slaying the dragon and/or the (royal person)’s betrothed?: (Ok I know Dragon Lucifer feels like the more obvious choice but wait) Dan and Chloe were married and both Knights. Dan went into expedition with some not so nice Knights (Malmcolm and co.) who stole shit from places secretly and he used to uneasily ignore it but then Chloe figured out something was up with Malcolm and followed him, Dan followed her because he knew Malcolm was super dangerous. Some cursed artifact was involved and Dan ended up breaking it trying to stop Malcolm from hurting Chloe. Cue big damn explosion, basically dead Malcolm, confused Chloe and cursed to become a dragon Dan. He keeps his mouth zipped and leaves Chloe to be given the stinkeye by everyone while slowly turning dragony. Chloe and him break things off and he ends up running away to go live in isolation and fully transform. Cue foreign Royal Lucifer waltzing in with his family and Chloe is tasked to protect him but he a Royal Mess. Once they start to have some sort of Understanding DRAGON DAN swipes in and kidnaps Lucifer. Everyone freaks out and Chloe freaking charges after because she doesn’t want to lose another loved one. Dan actually never became a man eating monster, just got a bit of a taste for human meat along other kinds (Lucifer totally makes a lewd joke about it) and a liking for shiny things and hoarding tendencies (Lucifer’s like “oh same”). He just discovered Lucifer’s family actually has magic and is knowledgable in curses and wants him help but could just stroll in and ask for help (maybe there’s a kill dragons on sight law idk) and needs it cause the curse is still progressing and he would very much like to keep his human mindset or even better go back at being human. Chloe probably barrels in ready to save Lucifer from the man eating dragon but he’s like…. lounging somewhere, mocking the dragon who’s off in a corner grumbling and immediately pipes up like “Oh! Hello Knight! We were waiting for you!” (He calls her Knight here) and then Dan’s yelling “CHLOE?!” and Chloe absolutely loses her shit over DAN BEING A FUCKING DRAGON. They probably embark on a quest to help him, discover Lucifer’s family is fucked up and likely won’t help and that Lucifer also has a weird looking form too (probs part of the magic and curses thing, Lucifer was sort of thrown into a magic lake of fire to harness its magic cause he was the only one with the right powerset to do it, like Lightbringer and all, got out all burned out and winged but more powerful, hated his parents for it). The quest becomes also to stop Lucifer’s family. Ends up with Dan ending being able to switch from dragon to human while keeping some dragon features. His dragony tendency are diminished so he’s fine with it in the end.

Who’s the vampire hunter, who’s the werewolf hunter, and who’s the awkward vampire/werewolf hybrid trying to conceal both their crush and their race?: Chloe and Dan are the hunters power ex-couple (Chloe is more knowledgeable on vampires, Dan werewolves. They actually broke off before marriage and may have separated but after a power ended up work together a lot again because they were lethal, doesn’t help the feelings off regret) and then there’s hybrid Lucifer who starts helping Chloe, meets Dan through her and after being a it of a lech with her and back and forth posturing with Dan is like “whoopsie daisies I may have the hots for them both”. Dan and Chloe are actually rather nice hunters and usually got after supernatural folk that has been leaving a literal trail of bodies behind them. But the general attitude of hunters over them all is “Yikes” and hybrids (espeically ones that have no human half) are seen as especially powerful and dangerous so Lucifer is suddenly not so open about who he is. While still trying to help them. He likes them and wants to figure out how much he can trust them (he usually doesn’t hesitate at defending himself over ppl attacking him for what he is, but he’s got this nagging worry about being rejected by Dan and Chloe and having to hurt them to defend himself, also probably has conflicting feelings over believing the treatment of his kind is unjust but also seeing himself as Something Bad and so they wouldn’t be that wrong to want to hurt him). Shit hits the fan when someone who knows what he is actually tries hurting him, Dan and Chloe go fucking apeshit on them and then fuss over Lucifer. A running gag is him being like SUPER GOOD at pretending he is a totally different kind of being at first, or maybe pretending he’s actual half-human and half vampire OR werewolf.

Who’s the person who falls in love first, who’s the person who tries cheering on the other two’s relationship, and who’s the person who’s just oblivious to everything slightly romantic? Generic human!AU where they are a little younger maybe idk? But Lucifer is the one manages to fall for both of them first and fails spectacularly at showing it. Dan just thinks he’s being mocked and Chloe thinks it’s just him trying to get into her pants and will cool off eventually. So Chloe doesn’t realize Lucifer is attempting Romance and than Dan never actually fell out of love with her (they were like high school sweethearts and Dan messed things up in a dumb way like hanging around the wrong people and turning Douchey and they didn’t know how to deal with it and ended up breaking things off and crying over it),mostly not her fault they’re both kind of emotionally trainwrecks at the moment. Dan is trying to be a good bro and help them but then realizes he took the bro out of bromance with Lucifer (Lucifer is actually kinda sad and thinks Dan is not interested in him at all since he’s helping him communicate with Chloe) and he actually really wanted things with Chloe to work back then but messed it up cause dumb teen. Chloe later is still not getting Romance vibes from either of them but seeing them together makes her realize how much she likes them. cue Sadness at thinking Lucifer probably was only in Lust with her at first and now only wants friendship and Dan was only into her more carefree, inexperienced and easier to swipe off her feet teen self (but Dan is less of a Douche now and totally into the total badass she’s turned into, like please swipe ME off my feet ma’am).