#now our lives have become so stereo

[teathattast]

yeah, i know the sting, the cruel touch of tragedy

but in these brilliant moments

i can't help but stop and think

does the heavy dark let me feel the light more deeply?

cause it's all lead up to this, and for a moment

i am happy here with you

[entityandstereo]

Stereo, Stereo what's the theory on the Chancellor? Even if it's out there I wanna hear!

Okay, so

Letting her best soldiers fight Taurox and fail is a very poor strategic move on her part; not only is it a blow to the war effort, it's bad for the morale of her people. If she really cares about them, she would have put a stop to the fights after the first couple of attempts.

So what if she's letting it happen on purpose? For what purpose, you might ask? Their life essence, of course

It would undoubtedly be faster to get it from the living, but that has too many risks involved. What if someone escapes and exposes her? Or what if someone sees her in action? It would ruin her! Maybe not immediately, but it would eventually.

No, much easier to get it from the recently deceased, who can't run and can't scream. They might not have as much essence as someone alive would, but it's enough for her to store up for later use. And to probably extend her life as well

The fights are also a good way to shift any blame off of her onto Taurox. "Look," she says, "see how savage he is, how brutal! See how brave our soldiers are for facing him knowing they could die; see how valiant they are!"

What really started this theory are her eyes

I mean, look at them

Now come compare them to Ornithicera's

Both sets glow faintly, they're almost the same shade, and they're both lacking pupils.

I don't think this means she's possessed - she doesn't have those gold veins 'Cera does - but she's definitely doing something involving sorcery and the Eldar Ones. It's very possible she's trying to become a Transcended one, and I would not be surprised if that's the route David takes

(I hope that was coherent)

[scobbe]

I started journalling when I was 13, and going back to those notebooks it’s fascinating to watch how my faith changed. I had a feral but lively and beautiful relationship with God in my teens, but thanks to long-term trauma and a series of losses, by my early 20’s it had become this blind plea of “God will give me this. God will give me this. God will give me this.” Magical thinking at best, and very liberating to completely throw away when something other than what I thought I had wanted distracted me. By 30 I didn’t believe in God anymore.

So I spent about ten years in more or less worldly life as an atheist deeply critical of religion, feeling it was all a manipulative sham, until a car accident left me wondering like whoa wtf none of this makes sense to me.

And the funny thing is I returned to God the way I had left, first through a bunch of superstition and magic (actual, like, Golden Dawn and folk and voodoo magic) and then gradually listening to various mystics until C.S. Lewis explained Christianity to me in a way I’d never “gotten” it before. Sort of like finding myself back in confirmation classes as a kid. But I could taste it then - even just watching Canterbury Cathedral on Youtube - I could taste that warm exciting gorgeousness I’d experienced as a teen. So when I went back to actual church with some actual Christians I just sat there spellbound, God piecing our relationship back together, sometimes with winsome little stitches and sometimes with the most maddening, infuriating things that have ever happened to me.

And in the end, I received what I’d been praying for all those years ago, which was actually just permission to be myself. (Big surprise.)

But now I’m finding knowing the difference between life with God and life without God has been an indescribable gift, even if it is almost impossible to articulate most of the time. It’s like I was not even really here for a couple decades. Life was life and had its ups and downs but in comparison was like black and white tv vs color, or mono vs stereo sound. (And I am still only just beginning to see and hear again.) But as much as I had removed God, I was also removed from the full richness of life - a great deal because I was living primarily in my own head, believing there was nothing else.

I mention this because when something mentions healing requires an external source, like yes, it absolutely does, and that source is - not to sound spooky but - out there and waiting.

[shoutyourporpoise]

been letting my thoughts percolate on the Barbie film since I saw it over the weekend and: for one, I want to clarify that I had a lot of fun watching it. and for another, I am critiquing it because this is how I engage with movies I’m trying to actually think about. Complaining is my love language. The Barbie movie is funny and it also takes itself seriously and tries to establish that it’s making a Point, so I am also taking it seriously and evaluating it as such. Also this post is gonna be a total mess bc it’s just me tangenting over and over. Uh. Okay now that I’ve written it out it’s long as all fuck lemme add a readmore.

the way they handled Sasha from a costuming perspective bothered me. She’s introed to us dressed in all black tee and jeans, and over the course of the movie she undergoes Barbiefication with her top becoming a deep maroon and eventually ending the movie in a bright pink dress, which I should add is if anything even *more* girly than the pink pantsuit her mother Gloria ends up with. In this way, the film conveys her rejection of Barbie as not just a lack of connection with her mother, but as a disconnect from *her own* femininity which it implies she’s distances herself from because she thinks it’s shameful to be what the world thinks a woman is. Did they have to do that? We see other Barbies who don’t wear pink but manage to convey a very slick, costumey version of their job and I would not have minded seeing a camp Goth Social Justice Barbie costume by the end of the film.

but I think the thing that sticks in my craw the most is how Sasha’s Barbie Takedown Speech (which is supposed to be a mirror to Gloria’s Contradictory Womanhood Speech*) is grounded in real criticisms people have of Barbie, which is blunted by the fact that Barbieland as shown in the movie is explicitly more diverse than Barbie is now. The comment Sasha makes about body image issues to Stereo Barbie is supposed to be seen as clearly ridiculous once she goes to Barbieland and meets Barbies of all body types including fat ones, when I know for a fact that at present the “curvy” Barbie body type on the market is like at BEST someone on the edge between midsize and plus. And that was introduced alongside the petite and tall makes like…I think less than a decade ago?

it’s also the fact that Stereo Barbie is metatextually both an individual doll and the representation of Barbie as a collective. She defends herself to Sasha by citing the other Barbie’s’ accomplishments because for her they are all inseparable and almost interchangeable. In theory this is how every Barbie works, but by having Margot Robbie (“Stereotypical Barbie”) be the one to go out into Los Angeles and get Velveteen Rabbitted into being real by the Ghost Mother-God of Ruth Handler** it also sets an interesting tone for Sasha’s critique because she’s not just yelling at some white woman, she’s yelling at a white woman who represents a collective of Barbies that are more diverse than she is and also critically less Real than she is.***

also I know the part where Sasha calls Barbie a fascist is supposed to be funny bc it’s a very Teen Angry thing to say to someone you disagree with but. I mean lol she goes back to Barbieland to find that the Kendom**** has taken over and then goes “we must return everything back to our Ideal Past where the Kens were merely decorative and to do this we must hatch a plot to prevent them from voting” lmao. Obviously after that she has the conversation with Ken and they have the briefest scene going “maybe we should all be equal and individual” but WILD thing to see after the fascist line. Also uh. Sentiment is cool and all but where actually do the Kens live. Are they back to being homeless.

*hey how come hearing about how womanhood is multifaceted and contradictory deprograms the Barbies from patriarchal Ken conditioning…into agreeing with one another completely? None of the Barbies were like “hey I meant it I liked taking a Brain Vacation where I didn’t need to bear the load of decision making?” None of them were like “What the Ken’s did was wrong but maybe we can talk to them the same way you’ve talked to us to make them understand this hurts them?” None of them were like “love y’all but I am not sitting through 4 hours of guitar to turn my friends Ken against each other through making them jealous?” No??? Women are complex and contain multitudes but those multitudes all align? Or am I supposed to accept that they all agree because even after exposure to both patriarchy and the “antidote” of feminism they are still insufficiently Real to think complexly?

**also given the opening of Barbie mentioning that she was groundbreaking because she was a doll that represented an aspirational adult woman so girls were no longer consigned to motherhood it is VERY interesting that they had her introduce herself at the end of the film as Barbara Handler***** rather than her canonical name of Barbara Roberts, thereby cementing herself as Ruth’s daughter. Why frame Ruth as the mother to her creation just because she named the doll after her real-life child? Why not emphasize that she, too, broke the mold of motherhood by becoming a businesswomen and creative entrepreneur? Like cool cool get a pithy jab in about the double mastectomy and the tax fraud but why not engage more deeply with her as a businesswoman given that the film’s opening volley is that women are capable of being things other than mothers?

***and they’re less Real in more ways than one! If you look at posts showing which doll each Barbie represents, you will see that many of the women of color are either playing a racebent version of an existing doll, are an amalgam of other doll concepts, or are created from whole cloth. Again, Sasha’s speech is grounded in real-life critiques of Barbie, but the film’s more diverse casting undermines that speech because in *this* universe Barbie is less of a tool of white hegemony. Did you know that besides the red-sareed doll from the Dolls of the World collection, we didn’t see an Indian Barbie until *last year?* If you were going off the impressions of the movie you might not have known that!

****also I get that it’s supposed to be a twist that the enemies aren’t the Mattel executives; it’s Ken learning about patriarchy and bringing it back to Barbieland. And we’re supposed to be like “oh cool Will Farrell’s character genuinely cares about inspiring little kids with Barbie!” but it *does* leave the issue of the boardroom being maidenless still very much there which I guess is solved by…they have the ghost of Ruth Handler there? …I guess this is one of those lines you’re not allowed to fully cross if you’re making a movie approved by Mattel?

*****yep I get the joke to the ending line and it’s funny in the moment but now I’ve thought about it for more than two seconds and like. Okay so the setup for the punchline is that when she’s catcalled by guys IRL and then mentions she doesn’t have a vagina (and Ken doesn’t have a penis) so they’re all smooth down there. Given her total lack of knowledge of the world outside of Barbieland how do. Any of them know what a vagina is to deny having one. I assume Midge has a detachable belly bc that’s what her doll was too, so she doesn’t…have a vagina either. And because the gynecologist joke happens after she becomes Real what does that say? That your genitals are what make you Real (or worse, that a vagina is what makes you a real woman because you cannot call upon the lack of one to protect you from catcallers)? Is Hari Nef’s Dr. Barbie trans? What does that imply would’ve happened to her if she became Real?

Okay wait now I’m on *this* thread of thought. So Dr. Barbie is horrified when Stereo Barbie’s feet go flat to point of fake-ralphing alongside all the other Barbies, so that implies she…wasn’t assigned Ken at birth? Because otherwise why would a Barbie having flat feet be so shocking to her? Are there no possibilities for transition in Barbieland are you either a Barbie or a Ken (or Allan)? Actually yeah hey Barbie’s feet going flat is sort of an aspect of her body not conforming to her gender isn’t it??? They could’ve done something there maybe.

And look I know casting Hari Nef made a number of people very angry and that it’s a stone on the scale for letting trans people just play roles that have nothing to do with their transness which is cool but also why *didn’t* this movie have anything more than a passing nod to Earring Magic Ken and then call that a day for representing the franchise as it is? The racial casting attempts to make the franchise more diverse, so why not do the same for gender and sexual orientation? There are actually already two Barbies released for the BMR1959 60th anniversary collection who have “Ken” builds; why aren’t they in there; get them some rep!!

I guess this is maybe a lot to ask of a film with a runtime under two hours but given how it hyped itself up I didn’t see it address the whiteness baked into the Barbie franchise or how it reifies cishet ideals beyond the implication that everyone acts Like That because it’s how girls are expected to play with their Barbies. When they went to the Real World (cinemasins ding implying LA is the real world) I wish in all the facets of womanhood they showed us we got to see ANY queerness made explicit. I would’ve eaten my own fingers to see a butch on that screen.

…I guess at the end I feel about this the way I feel about Legally Blonde? It’s trying to have a dialogue with both itself and with the culture in which it’s made re: attitudes towards femininity and it’s a VERY fun watch but ultimately lies back on existing ideas about gender without bothering to interrogate it as much as those who love the film claims that it does.

[ortajo]

After a long hiatus I’m kinda back,,,I’ve wrote something that I’m gonna leave here for anyone interested lol,,,ly all and always <3

Temptation (erenxreader onshot)

cw:2,6k

MDNI, contains nsfw descriptions, mentions of alcohol (consensual)

plot: your neighbor Eren comes inside your apartment to give you an hard truth about your boyfriend Jean and comforting you after only seems right no?

Author’s note: another small one shot I wrote while listening to a mr.robinson audio (you can have any man you want) go check it out it def deserves a listen!

——————

The knock on the door startled you.

You weren’t usual to hear music out loud inside your small apartment but today was rough to say the least, so you needed some loud music to make your thoughts disappear even for just a minute.

Worried you came closer to the door after carefully lowering the volume on your stereo.

You neighbor Eren was standing just a few inches away from the frame of your door.

“hey I don’t want to bother you but-“

You cut him short knowing already what his intentions are “I’ll lower the music yeah sorry”

He looks at you confused by your sudden response “that wasn’t why I came actually” he slowly adds before you frantically speak over him, once again.

“jean is not home”.

You neighbor was usual for coming over and asking for some help to your boyfriend, usually for some heavy lifting or some kind of work he wasn’t able to do alone.

“I wasn’t looking for jean actually” he inhales deeply before speaking again “I just saw him leave”

Now you’re the one left confused by his response, but he is quick to clarify it only by looking at your puzzled face.

“I actually came over to talk to you” his eyes are fixed on the floor, carefully studying the strange pattern of that obnoxious welcoming mat Jean bought and that now you remembered you really need to get rid of.

“I have a minute, come in” he was no stranger to you, the two of you had plenty of nights together and planned lots of parties, one of them in which you actually met Jean.

As he makes his way into your house, you watch him carefully looking around, studying the furniture that has always been the same, he is more attentive this time but you just can’t understand why.

“this place is always so cozy” he is in the living room, awkwardly standing in the middle of the room like he is ready to give a speech, “both our apartments are so similar but you really give it life mh?”.

He looks up to you while you gently propped yourself against the counter that divides the kitchen from the living room, your arms crossed at your chest, eagerly waiting for him to tell the truth about this unexpected visit.

He rubs his hands together, “sooo” his eyes wander around the room before landing on you again “not really sure how to start this conversation, maybe it’s not even my place to bring it up” his voice becomes a whisper and he starts to mumble something that you’re unable to catch.

“what?” you go closer to him trying to understand his words.

“you weren’t home two nights ago right?” he looks up to you, his eyes are suddenly shy and embarrassed.

“no I was still out for work you know that” you look at him but he tries everything to get away from your eyes staring him down “why Eren what happened” you let out a sigh of frustration and a shaky laugh “you’re worrying me”

“you and Jean don’t have an open relationship right?”

You wish you didn’t understand any of the words he is saying to you now.

“I feel like an asshole for doing this fuck” a hand runs through his thick hair “I heard a couple of people having” his eyes dart towards the floor “fun, over here” he caringly looks at you before adding “Jean was one of the someones”.

You slowly walk towards the couch before speaking again, your voice merely over a whisper “you sure?”

“if I had any doubts I wouldn’t be here trust me” he says with a nervous laugh after “this isn’t the first time I’ve heard or seen something odd”

Your sight goes blurry for a couple of second while you try to breathe through the moment, a cold shiver down your spine makes you shudder so slightly.

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way but I had to speak my truth I couldn’t hold back any longer” Eren right now is just a mess of words, he is trying to make the pill easier to swallow but it feels like scalding iron is being poured down your throat.

“if you want me to go I’ll go”

He stands there in silence for what it seems an eternity.

“I already had a feeling he was cheating” you speak again but this time your voice is a bit stronger.

“what?” he looks at you with an expression that is half surprised and half angry but you just can’t figure out which part is more prominent “and you fucking did nothing?” definitely anger.

You just look at him while he paces around your living room like he is the one finding out about being cheated on “he goes and fucks some random girl when he has you at home” his hands violently gesturing like he is trying to make the feeling dissipate through his fingers, shaking away the anger like dripping water.

“he has always been like this, nothing can satisfy him right?” he looks at you trying to find some approval “bigger house, bigger car, he is pathetic” he sighs “obviously trying to compensate for his small dick syndrome”

A small chuckle comes out of you involuntarily, your hand flies to your mouth.

“why didn’t you leave?” his hand stops you before you can talk “and don’t tell you feel like you need someone like him please”

“he made me feel inferior for all this years, he gaslighted me into staying with him for the better, I didn’t feel strong enough to make it on my own you know?”

“you were top of your classes during college for fucks sake, you could have asked for my help” he sighs before looking up to you, he sat down near you while you were talking.

“want a hug?” you simply nod and after you feel safer than you’ve ever felt in the last years.

“if it makes you feel any better” he whispers into your ears while both of you are reluctant to stop this hug “he is just as bad as pleasing other partners as he is with you”

You abruptly stop the embrace and look at him “well how do you know that”.

“the walls are paper thin in this apartment complex right?” he mumbles while looking around playfully.

A small laugh comes out of you and a playful slap lands on his shoulder.

After a couple of minutes, the tension is already wearing off.

You both decided that pouring yourselves a couple of glasses of red was the right decision.

“you never thought about having things your way as well?” Eren says while swishing the wine around his glass “at work you’re so in control, you don’t have any fun of your own, I never hear you talking about anything else” he looks up to you and softly brings the glass to his mouth “not a single hint of temptation?” a small smirk on his mouth before tasting the deep flavor of the wine.

“if only you knew your true worth you wouldn’t settle for the scraps he gives you”.

This last phrase switches something inside of you, you finally felt like breaking free from those chains that were tying you down.

“you could have any man that you want”

His posture is now less rigid, he is laid back into the soft sofa while his eyes roam up and down your body unable to focus on a single place.

“it’s not true c’mon” you kindly laugh while your hand tries to expel those words from your mind

“I’m just saying” he smiles before getting back up a bit, he is now only mere inches away from you, the heat of his body and the smell of wine is more pungent than ever “you deserve better than the half sex he has been giving you”

“did I ever tempt you?” the words come out in a rush and you’re unable to stop them, you would like to say that’s the wine talking but honestly this is only the truth, you’ve always wanted to know if he had a thing for you.

“I’m a single man faced every day with a beautiful woman” he puts the glass down on the small coffee table “how could I never have been tempted sweetheart.”

You look at him, dazed, unable to respond.

His hands don’t touch you but his eyes are undressing you carefully “her smell” he inhales like he is thinking about the consequences of this but he decides to go on anyways, the green of his eyes is glowing through his thick lashes “the soft skin under my touch, her lips” he is now looking at you and the room grew hotter suddenly.

“any man would be insane to forget about those lips” a soft finger touches your lips slightly, tracing them.

Suddenly he snaps back.

When his hand falls back on the sofa you breathe again, your cheeks feel on fire.

“I might have let my feelings have the best of me sorry” he sighs and then he is once again far away from you, a cold shiver travels down your spine, “I’m just so angry about this, he had you when it could have been me all along instead”

Both of you breathe sharply, you hold you glass with both of your hands but it still feels unstable.

“the nights I’ve spent thinking about you” he looks down, his head between his hands “thinking about treating you like you deserve, doing to you what you need, serving you right” he slightly shakes his head.

“that’s extremely forward of you Eren” you manage to say while sitting back straight, still unable to stand up.

“what are you gonna do about it mh?” his head turns into his hands, his long hair covering a small amount of his face.

You don’t move, you’re unsure on what to do but everything tells you not to waste this chance.

“why don’t you be a big girl and tell me what you really want sweetie” he tempts you like a goddamn devil, but he is good at it.

A rush of courage flows inside of you, you lean in and kiss him.

At first unsure, it had been years since you’ve kiss anybody else apart from Jean and he had always felt monotonous he made you forget what a real kiss feels like.

Eren deepens the kiss quickly and you ask yourself a million times why you waited this long.

His tongue is quick and precise, he knows what he wants but most of all what you need.

You let him inside your mouth carefully but with each kiss the need of him grows and you feel insatiable.

His hands roam on your body, learning and studying each curve, each nook of your body, meticulously.

“I’ll give you what he never did” he whispers between breaths and whimpers the two of you let out, his hand on you jaw guiding you during this moment.

Even kissing his doesn’t feel enough, you need him close in a way you never thought you did.

You give yourself to him, all of you, his hands are now past your shirt, his fingers play with your nipples at this point so hard that even just a slight brush could make you scream his name.

“pardon me” he says while pulling away from you “but we need more space” he scoops you up easily from the couch and makes his way towards your bedroom.

He knows his way perfectly around the house.

As soon as he sits you down on the soft bed you start working on his belt, you’re unable to contain, you want him now.

“I did hear the two of you a couple of times and I tried to not pay attention but, I’m only human” he looks down at you while you unzip his pants.

“god the sounds you made” he groans softly when you press your hand on his boxers, feeling his dick growing harder just by the second “I couldn’t get them out of my mind”

Just when you are freeing him from his boxers he stops you “I need to make things right” and he softly shoves you on the bed.

You prop yourself on your elbows before understanding his intensions.

He starts trailing soft kisses along your body while he undresses you from the comfy clothes you were wearing, a loose t-shirt and a pair of shorts.

He is quick but gentle, he kisses you down your neck, your chest and your tummy before heading towards your most sensitive spot.

While he sets small pecks on your thighs your sensitive cunt is already eager on what’s about to come, your panties already soaked because of the kiss are now unuseful and he is having too much fun teasing you.

The first kiss that lands on your cunt comes unexpectedly and this makes you squirm loudly.

After that he goes all in.

He shoves your panties aside and starts working on your pussy unable to contain himself any longer.

His tongue is perfect and it circles around your clit sending you near the edge too many times, he teases you constantly but he always stops right before your orgasm, he is making you work for it almost begging for it.

But when it arrives you actually feel like you’re coming for the first time in your life.

He grips your legs tightly and makes you ride his face till you get to the edge, until you spill all over his face, you’re unable to contain the spasms because of the rush of electricity that starts at the bottom of your spine.

His tongue collects your juices until the last drop, he wants to savor all of this, he wants to keep this all for himself.

“you’re so good baby” he says while collecting the last drops of you near his mouth, a small peck on your forehead before you feel him teasing you again at your entrance with his cock now free of the boxers eagerly waiting in his hands.

A small nod of approval is all he needs to slip himself inside of you.

And as soon as he is inside of you it feels a hundred times better that all the times you did it with Jean.

He lets out a whimper when he slips inside, like he waited for this his whole life, from the moment he met you years ago.

He pounds you slowly before picking up the pace, the sounds he lets out are ungodly and so are yours.

The room fills up quickly with your desperate moans and the sound of your skin slapping against his.

The act is quick but he focuses once again on making you finish before him, harder than him, he wants you to never forget the orgasms he gave you that Jean couldn’t in all of this years.

He comes after you and you let him finish on your stomach.

He comes hard and his voice comes out shaky when he praises you once again for having such a prefect cunt for him.

Both of you are out of breath when he lays near you on the bed, it feels only natural to crawl between his arms and he is more than happy to hold you.

“sorry I’m so sweaty sweetie” he whispers when you lay your head on his chest, his hand slowly stroking your hair.

When his heart finally calms down he speaks again “fuck him honestly” he takes a deep breath in “come with me, at my place, fucking kick his ass away from your apartment, start brand new”

You softly chuckle against his skin before he leans in to kiss you again.

“fuck him” you whisper against his mouth before kissing him back.

[radical-revolution]

THE WHEEL OF FORMLESSNESS

We have to constantly ask ourselves, “How do I use my every moment to get there?” It’s got to be done with the flow of love and the quietness of mind. It’s like the women in India who go to the well and come back with jugs full of water on their heads. They’re talking and gossiping as they walk, but they never forget the jugs of water on their heads. The jug of water is what our journey is all about. In the course of it, we do what we do in life, but we don’t forget the jug of water. We don’t forget what it’s all about. We keep our eye on the mark. At first we have to prime the pump a little bit to do it; and we keep forgetting and remembering and forgetting and remembering, That’s what the illusion is. The illusion keeps pulling us back into forgetting. Lost in our melodrama; my love life, my child, my livelihood, my gratification. “Somebody ripped off my stereo,” “I don’t have a thing to wear,” “Am I getting enough sex?”… just more and more stuff. And we keep forgetting into it.

And every now and then, we remember. We sit down and meditate, or we read Ramakrishna or Ramana Maharshi and suddenly, “Oh yeah, right; whew! That’s what it was about.” And we remember again. And then a moment later, we forget. But what happens is the balance shifts. If we can imagine a wheel whose rim is the cycle of births and deaths, all of the “stuff” of life, conditioned reality, and whose center is perfect flow, formless no-mind, the source, we’ve got one foot with most of our weight on the circumference of the wheel, and one foot tentatively on the center. That’s the beginning of awakening. And we come in, and we sit down and meditate, and suddenly there’s a moment when we feel the perfection of our being and our connection. And even beyond that, we just are. We’re just like a tree or a stream. There’s only a second or two of it there at the hub. Then our weight goes back on the outside of the wheel. Over and over and over, this happens. Slowly, slowly the weight shifts. Then the weight shifts just enough so that there is a slight predominance on the center of the wheel, and we find that we naturally just want to sit down and be quiet, that we don’t have to say, “I’ve got to meditate now,” or “I’ve got to read a holy book,” or “I’ve got to turn off the television set,” or “I’ve got to do…” anything. It doesn’t become that kind of a discipline anymore. The balance has shifted. And we keep allowing our lives to become more and more simple, more and more harmonious. And less and less are we grabbing at this and pushing that away.

– Ram Dass, excerpt from Grist for the Mill: Awakening to Oneness

[indignantlemur]

A REVISED version of the original playlist:

Songs for a disenfranchised woman-out-of-time; separate and disconnected, uprooted but trying. Always, always trying.

SPOTIFY PLAYLIST: HERE

Tracklist with lyric excerpts below the cut.

Savages - MARINA

Underneath it all we're just savages Hidden behind shirts, ties, and marriages How could we expect anything at all? We're just animals still learning how to crawl

Try - Nelly Furtado

And I have lived so many lives Though I'm not old And the more I see, the less I grow The fewer the seeds the more I sow Then I see you standing there Wanting more from me And all I can do is try Then I see you standing there Wanting more from me And all I can do is try, try

Stereo - The Watchmen

My life is a stereo What songs do I know? Whatever happened to my plans? Whatever happened to the life I thought I had? My life is a stereo, kind of cheaply made though How bad does it show? What ever did become of all my friends? What ever happened to the likes of all of them?

Thistle & Weeds - Mumford & Sons //

Spare me your judgments and spare me your dreams 'Cause recently mine have been tearing my seams I sit alone in this winter clarity which clouds my mind

All Fall Down - OneRepublic //

Yeah, God love your soul and your aching bones Take a breath, take a step, meet me down below Everyone's the same, our fingers to our toes We just can't get it right, but we're on the road

If I Were A Weapon - Suzanne Vega //

Ooh If I were a weapon You said I'd be a gun Lethal at close range I guess With silencer and stun But I feel more like a needle Always pulling on the thread Always making the same point again And wondering if you heard what I just said

I Will Dance (When I Walk Away) - Katzenjammer //

I'm standing at the crossroads now, the fields of opportunities I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm full of hope and full of fear And bridges back have all been burned and freedom has been duly earned I'll remember why I've gone, remember where I'm coming from

Get Through This - Art of Dying //

If I can get through this I can get through anything If I can make it through this I can get through anything

Dancing on My Grave - Ghostland Observatory //

Another time Another day Another rhyme You'll always get your way

It's Alright - Mother Mother //

It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay You're not a monster, just a human And you made a few mistakes It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay You're not gruesome, just human And you made a few mistakes

Rise - Katy Perry //

When, when the fire's at my feet again And the vultures all start circling They're whispering, ”You're out of time.” But still, I rise This is no mistake, no accident When you think the final nail is in; think again Don't be surprised, I will still rise

The Enemy (from Wuthering Heights 2011) - L'Orchestra Numerique

[Instrumental]

[what-gs-watching]

“Sunlight over me, no matter what I do.”

This week on what G’s watching - what G’s listening to. 

This is exciting!

Gang, I told you content is how I apparently digest my feelings, and a big ol’ part of that is music. Always has been, my dad has this crazy extensive collection of albums. When I was a kid he always had something on in the car, or playing from the old stereo in our living room. One of my favorite memories is listening to the Beatles’ White Album with him on long afternoons. He’d let me dance around on his feet, and we’d sing every single one, I was the eight year old who knew the entire thing by heart.

Music is a core fucking memory for me, it’s my dad in a nutshell. I remember one year for Christmas, he gave me a bunch of burned cd’s - all of the Beatles broken up by time period, Cat Stevens, Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell,  a set of discs that included the top songs broken out by month between 1964 and 1968, six in total. The tracks, he told me eventually, perfectly encapsulated the way those different seasons felt to him - The March/April disc really feels like springtime.

If you knew my dad, you’d know that the effort he put into it was much  more than his usual Christmas attempts, which were: my mother buying the gifts and then writing his name on the tag. 

So the point is: music can be an incredible thing and it’s a large part of who I am. I could write an entire post about all of that (and one about the Beatles, and one about Paul McCartney specifically, and one about Adele, and one about Bo Burham…see, I’m nuanced)  but I won’t. Right now, at least. 

Because I want to talk about Fleet Foxes. Specifically, Helplessness Blues.

This album came into my life at a weird time, I’d moved to a new city and was working my first ever real tech job and I was living with my sister, trying to figure my shit out. Which involved coworker-turned-friend drama because at the time I was absolutely not the best person, and it was very early 20’s of me. You know, when everything feels frenetic and you aren’t sure what the fuck you’re supposed to be doing with your life, so you’re just…doing random things, all the things. 

Which made me extremely susceptible to the creeping kind of darkness infused with hope the album has. I have a penchant for indie folk bands. I can’t help it. I fucking love guitar and thrumming drums with violins and shit. It just feels real to me. Authentic. Organic.

So it’s no wonder Fleet Foxes pulled me. I had a couple of their other songs on random playlists but had never attempted to listen to their first release. And then one day I was getting my oil changed, sitting in the waiting room and I read a review of Helplessness Blues in a magazine, probably Rolling Stone. I immediately bought it, which wasn’t really like me at the time - I was deep into stitching together random lists on my ipod, pulling tracks from all over the place, but I felt like I had to.  Thankfully.

I don’t know what it is about this album, but it’s the perfect mix of mauldin, shiny, twisted, uneasy, exciting, overwhelming. It feels like there’s a story to it, it’s cohesive and purposeful, but I couldn’t tell you what the narrative actually is. And that’s probably the point. It’s whatever the story is to you, and man this album for me is angst and questioning and accepting. It’s become one of those perfect albums you can listen to, never skipping a track, because they’re always a little different depending on the mood you’re in.

And right now, I'm in a weird mood. I’m lost in my life again, and angst sounds about right, so I put the album  on this afternoon after I’d finished my unemployment application and tried to harass the pharmacy for my husband, did some laundry, some dishes, random life things. I decided all I wanted to do with my Friday was chill the fuck out, blast Helplessness Blues through my airpods, and just, be with myself, and  something familiar. Inside my own brain, but with something comforting, lulling me in the background. 

I wanted to wrap myself up in something, and this was the perfect choice. Apparently one of my coping mechanisms is to just put some music on and let it overwhelm me, turning the volume up as high as I can tolerate, and singing along as needed at the top of my lungs. It’s honestly therapeutic. 

That’s what Helplessness Blues is good for. Because it’s quite a production. You can get lost in the story and it’ll morph into whatever you need at the time. Today it’s a squirming  sense of unease, but also triumph. It’s so good.

I could probably talk about all of the tracks, I’m not going to lie, but that sounds exhausting; they’re still lulling my brain right now and I don’t feel like I could pick out each one well enough, they flow together too well. 

However, The Shrine / The Argument is fucking ambitious. It’s so many different things all at once and it’s almost confusing as one song but eventually it’s really, really not. It’s weird and it ends with a horrible cacophony but then delivers really soft and agonizing violins. It has some of my favorite lyrics from the entire album:

In the morning waking up to terrible sunlight / All diffuse like skin abuse the sun is half its size

When you talk you hardly even look in my eyes

In the doorway holding every letter that I wrote / In the driveway pulling away putting on your coat

In the ocean washing off my name from your throat

Because, who hasn’t felt like that? It’s a really specific loss. How else can you say something like that? 

This is clearly getting away from me, but that’s okay. This is what I wanted to do today. I don’t do this very often, Helplessness Blues isn’t in my regular rotation, because it deserves to be listened to and I don’t always have that kind of time. I’m thankful that I do today though, I’m almost through my second rotation, and it's helping. I’m updating the story that it is, for me. Next time I listen to it, it’ll remind me of this stupid thing I’m going through and all that I am right now, a little bit. 

For example: listening to Blue Spotted Tail was very Crowley and Aziraphale today.  That’s apparently where I am, so now it’s part of the story. 

Why in the night sky are the lights hung? Why is the earth movin’ around the sun? Floating in the vacuum with no purpose not a one…

Poor little Antony J.

 Why is life made only for to end? Why do I do all this waiting then? Why this frightened part of me that's fated to pretend?

So. If you need to feel ways about things (we all do, now and again, right) this album will do it for you. And this is a terrible love letter to it, but just…trust me.

[sylliisimz]

Ghastly Realization

A nameless crime.

An estranged Phantom lingers in Brindleton Bay and lurked into the liminal halls of Bonehilda's Inherited Mansion, which belongs to her late husband.

After being summoned by sorceress Bibi to Cavalier Cove, the vampire mage - Bonehilda was granted the opportunity to be Flesh and Bone once again! With weekly visits to Bibi, becoming much like a client at the end of the exchange, she'd spent years recapturing her youth with Bibi's assistance.

The mother to three was cleaning off the bar to her spacious estate.

a young soul phases through the insulated walls of the house, approaching Nico Rico from behind, Bonehilda's oldest son whose spirit lingers after being buried on the property after a mishap in a domestic dispute with his ex-wife, Mushi Moo, Bibi's daughter.

[N]: "HEY! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"

[D]: ''I'M DANYEHL BITCH! I DONE DID THE KNOCKING BUT I FR FELL THROUGH THE DOOR!"

[N]: "Yeah, I still have issues with that myself.."

[D]: "How long have you been like this"

[N]: "Almost a decade."

Danyehl tells her new acquaintance on the other side of the veil what she remembers in her last moments while living.

Later that evening after finding out bits and pieces of the reality his new neighbor was enduring, he went on a stroll and told Danyehl to make herself at home.

[N]: "Well, well, Mushi."

[M]: "...How did you get here?"

[N]: "Did some deep web shopping and found a relic that allows me to travel through soundwaves rather than the color spectrum."

[M]: ''Then how can I see you?"

[N]: "The frequency at which the relic allows me to tap into is vibrating at such a strong rate, a holographic image is probably projecting itself in your reality."

[A]: "Mom? Who's this?"

[N]: "Are you Alfuh?"

[M]: "Yes, this is Alfuh. Alfuh, please go have a seat, Mr.Rico and I have a lot to discuss."

Alfuh takes a seat, passing the stereo on the way to the couch, hearing the sound from the speakers crackle as he walked passed it.

Meanwhile, Mushi's hospitality kicked in, welcoming in her son's father as a means to keep his identity unknown.

After flashing a look in the direction of the spirit, Mushi ushered him to wrap up the situation, and the man's fatherly instincts sank in.

[N]: "Alf, buddy I need to speak with your mother in private, would you mind champ?"

With a confused look, Alfuh turns to his mother who nods in agreement, and the boy gets up to exit the area, shuffling his feet back to his room as it was too chilly to hang out outside.

[M]: "Is everything okay? Why spend so much to see us now?"

[N]: "A woman was killed in Brindleton Bay, Mushi."

[M]: "Okay? Thats not news."

[N]: "IT IS when the dead woman is falling into my house unannounced!"

[M]: "Awh did the big boy get scared?"

[N]: "It's not about me, Mushi, it's about my family."

[M]: "Oh yeah? Family.. look how that worked out for our family.."

The two sit in silence for a moment, and a memory sparks breaking the quiet surrounding them.

[N]: ''I always just wanted the best for us."

[M]: "That's the problem, Nico.."

[M]: "Like the day you woke up yelling at me for being IRResPonSIbLE. You crave control."

[N]: " YOU were GONE all night, Mushi! Not even Al could issue a search for you because you weren't MIA for more than 24 hours. You came home with that evil look on your face too."

[M] "Well yelling about it didn't do us any good did it?"

[N]: "No.. because now I'm talking to you through a radio wave hologram."

[M]: "Exactly, I'm not the one to blame for this. If we never ven LOOKED at that carbon copy of this house in Strangerville I wouldn't have ever caught this vile condition.."

[N]: ''It was 20k cheaper, Mushi.."

[M]: "Money comes and goes, Nico!"

The next morning, Nico Rico meets with his Son and talks to him as a stranger, an old friend of his mother's, to quell the child's curiosity and keep him safe from resentment.

Alfuh listens and chats with the specture, his gut sinking at the thought of his mom's choices in partners.

[A]: "I know you're dead already and all, but if you hurt my moms feelings, you'll be hiding six feet under from me."

The spitfire smiled, and it allowed Nico to exhale a hearty laugh.

[N]: "Noted."

[atlfics]

Melancholy Sunshine- All Time Low Fanfiction

Alex becomes distant after a tour, concerning Jack. Word Count: 5054

TW: mentions of depression and suicide, alcohol

More notes at the end. 

“Hey, have you heard from Alex at all in the past week or two? I haven’t, and I don’t think Rian has, either,” Zack said to Jack through the phone, as Jack unloaded the clean dishes from his dishwasher.

“No, not really. I mean, I texted with him a bit the other day about music stuff for our album, but it was only a couple messages back and forth, and it seemed like he was saying as little as possible, if that makes sense,” Jack replied, grabbing his phone from the kitchen counter and sitting in the living room, wanting to be fully present for this conversation.

“Hm, well, when he’s gone off the grid in the past, it’s usually because he’s upset about something, right? Like, I know it’s been a while, but I feel like that’s what’s happened before,”

“Yeah, I think you’re right, dude. Maybe I should go check up on him, I didn’t realize how distant he’s been until now, since you mentioned it. Wow, I must be the greatest friend ever,” Jack sarcastically stated, looking down at his lap.

“When Alex gets like this, you know that he does everything he can to hide it, so don’t blame yourself. I didn’t really put it together until earlier today, which is why I called you. I know you two are closer, so it might be best if you handled it, Jack. Let me know how he’s doing, and if you or him need anything, I’m just a call or text away,”

“Will do, hopefully, he’s just been busy writing new music, but who knows. I guess I’ll head over to his place now, I’ll talk to you later, Zack,”

“Talk with you later, man,”

Jack ended the call, then closed his eyes as he took a few deep breaths. Having an emotional heart to heart with Alex hadn’t been on Jack’s agenda, but it was now. He wanted to help his friend, but he felt so unprepared to do so.

Like Zack had said on the phone, the last time that Alex kept to himself and didn’t communicate with his friends, it had been due to him suddenly feeling extremely depressed. It had happened right after one of their first tours, but Jack had started to suspect that something was up during the final week of that tour, so when he talked to Alex, he felt at least a little more prepared.

This was different, their most recent tour had ended about a month ago, and the four of them were hanging out regularly for the first week following the tour. After that week, they all became busier with family commitments and the friends that they didn’t get to see much due to their time on the road. Jack realized that Alex had only reached out and texted with him a couple times within the past few weeks, and started to feel even more concerned.

He finally stood up from his couch and grabbed his wallet and keys from the coffee table before walking out of his apartment and towards the street to his car. Once the car was on, he turned his stereo up loud and rolled the windows down; it was a perfect, sunny day. As he drove, Jack tried to not think about what he was doing, partly so he wouldn’t stress out and distract himself from driving, but part of him also hoped that he and Zack were reading too much into Alex’s lack of communication. It was possible that Alex was just busy with his family and friends and songwriting, and that he wasn’t dealing with something serious.

After what felt like the longest drive of Jack’s life, he finally pulled into Alex’s driveway. Alex’s car was there, Jack was relived since that meant that Alex was home. He got out of his car and made his way up to Alex’s front door, ringing the doorbell before leaning up against the siding of Alex’s house. After a few seconds, Jack checked his watch, Alex normally answered his door faster than this.

Right before Jack could ring Alex’s bell again, the door slowly opened, revealing a slightly disheveled looking Alex. Alex was wearing an oversized sweatsuit and his glasses, his hair was messier than usual, and he looked drained.

“Jack, what’re you doing here? Did we have plans or something? Did you text saying you were coming over?” Alex asked, his face scrunched up in confusion.

“No, we didn’t, I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing, it’s been a while since we hung out, we haven’t really done anything together since the first week back from tour,” Jack replied, as Alex motioned for him to come inside.

Jack took his shoes off as Alex shut the door, then looked around. Alex’s place looked as messy and unkempt as Alex did, only furthering Jack’s concern. It didn’t look bad, but it didn’t look good, either. Random pairs of shoes were littered around the floor, mail was piled up, and it was obvious that Alex hadn’t vacuumed or dusted in a while.

Alex led Jack into the living room and sat on the couch, turning the TV down. Jack sat on the opposite side of the couch, handing Alex the blanket that was spread out so he could keep using it if he wanted to, then looked around some more. The coffee table was filled with plates and cups, and the curtains were closed, so the light would be completely blocked out from the room. There were also various bottles of alcohol around the room, Jack hoped that Alex was sober right now so they could actually have a meaningful conversation.

Finally, Jack cleared his throat to get Alex’s attention, finally ready to get this conversation started.

“So, how’ve you been, man? What have you been up to?” Jack asked, as Alex immediately looked away from Jack, his face getting a bit red.

“Oh, um, not much, just hanging out here. I’ve not done a lot since that first week back from tour. Time kind of got away from me, I guess,” Alex replied, a forcing a nervous laugh.

“Yeah, it kind of did for me, too. I can’t believe we’ve already been back for almost a month now. Since you’ve not been doing much lately, why haven’t you texted me, or Rian, or Zack, about hanging out or doing something?”

“I don’t know, I guess I wanted to keep to myself. Nothing against you or the guys, though,”

“Sorry for coming in here and interrogating you, but I have one more question, an important one. Alex, um, are you okay?” Jack asked, his tone as uncomfortable as the expression on his face.

Alex started to nervously play with the hem of his shirt, still doing everything he could to not look up and make eye contact with Jack. An awkward silence filled the room, Jack fidgeted around uncomfortably. He knew that this conversation wouldn’t be easy, but the fact that Alex was essentially refusing to converse made it even harder.

“Yeah, why?” Alex finally replied, his voice weaker now.

“I don’t know, um, I guess since you’ve been more distant, I just wanted to check up on you,”

“Oh, well, thanks,”

Another awkward silence took over the room, Jack desperately wanted to fill it, but he didn’t know how to. He didn’t want to force a conversation, even though he knew it was probably in Alex’s best interest. Changing the subject would probably be easier and feel better, but Jack knew that if he wanted to be a good friend, he couldn’t do that.

“Hey, do you want to take a drive? That might be kind of fun, and it would get you out of here for a bit!” Jack exclaimed, an overly animated smile on his face as Alex sighed.

“I don’t know, I’m not sure that I want to go out today,”

“Well, I don’t want to force you or anything, but it’s a really nice day; a perfect one, actually. We could get coffee, my treat!”

Alex sighed again as he looked around the room, looking for an excuse to give Jack as to why he couldn’t go out. Eventually, he finally looked back over to Jack, a look of defeat on his face.

“Okay, fine, but I don’t want to be out, like, all day,” Alex replied, stretching before standing up from the couch.

“We don’t have to be, we can just go out for a little bit. Are you ready to go?” Jack asked, grabbing his car keys from his pockets as he stood up.

“Um, I think I’m going to change first. I don’t really want to be seen in public looking like shit. Give me about five minutes, and I’ll be ready,”

Alex walked out of the room and upstairs, and Jack walked over to the front door and started to get his shoes on. He was going to stand by the door and wait for Alex, but a different idea crossed his mind. Once his shoes were on, he walked back into the living room and began taking the dishes on the table into the kitchen, which was just as messy.

“One room at a time, I guess,” Jack muttered to himself as he put the dishes on top of the growing pile in the sink.

He went back into the living room and grabbed the bottles of alcohol, then placed them on Alex’s bar cart back in the kitchen. Finally, he went back into the living room and opened up the curtains, letting the sunlight shine into the room. Jack looked at his work and smiled, but jumped when he realized that Alex was standing next to him.

“Wow, thanks for cleaning up in here some, you didn’t have to do that, man,” Alex said, sounding a bit embarrassed.

“I didn’t see you come back in! But it was no problem, I got bored waiting and figured I’d do something productive instead of just being on my phone,” Jack replied, making a small, appreciative smile appear on Alex’s face.

“Well, thank you, I really appreciate that, Jack,”

Jack looked at Alex, he looked significantly better. He’d ditched his oversized sweats for jeans and a t-shirt, he brushed his hair out, and had put his contacts in. He looked much more like the Alex that Jack was used to seeing; now, he was just missing his smile.

“You look great, dude! I mean, not that you didn’t before, but-“

“No, I looked terrible when you first got here, you don’t have to lie. Let’s just go, I want that coffee I was promised,”

Alex led them outside, then locked his door before getting in the passenger seat of Jack’s car. Jack turned on the car, then connected his phone to the Bluetooth.

“What do you want to listen to? It’s guest’s choice in my car!” Jack exclaimed, handing Alex his phone, his music library already opened.

“You never let me choose when I ride with you,” Alex pointed out, a skeptical look on his face.

“Okay, true, but today I am, so choose away!” Jack replied, pulling out of Alex’s driveway and in the direction of the nearest Starbucks.

After a couple more minutes, Alex finally decided to put on Jack’s Blink-182 playlist, then set his phone in the cupholder.

“Nice choice, dude! I was hoping you’d pick Blink! Are you playing the playlist of their music that I made?”

“Yeah, I am. I couldn’t decide on an album, so I thought that this would be good,”

“That’s literally why I made the playlist, it can be so hard to pick sometimes,”

Jack forced an awkward laugh, but Alex stayed quiet, letting Jack know to stop talking for now. He turned up the stereo a bit, then quietly started singing along to the song that was playing. After a couple minutes, Alex started to hum to the song, too, making Jack smile some. Not much later, they pulled into the Starbucks parking lot, and Jack drove them into the drive thru line.

“Do you know what you want?” Jack asked, putting his window down as he continued to drive towards the ordering screen.

“Um, I think I’ll just have an iced latte,” Alex replied, looking out his window, away from Jack.

“Sounds good, do you want anything else?” Jack asked, grabbing his wallet from his pants pocket.

“Nah, I think I’m okay, but thanks,”

Before Jack could say anything else, he was greeted by the Starbucks drive thru employee. He ordered Alex’s latte, and a refresher for himself. After pulling around to the window to pay and grab their drinks, Jack pulled out of the parking lot, going in the opposite direction of Alex’s house.

“Hey, you needed to make a left out of there to get back to my place,” Alex said, taking a sip of his drink.

“Yeah, I know, but we’re not going back there yet,” Jack casually replied, as a look of confusion appeared on Alex’s face.

“What do you mean? I thought we were just going to get this coffee, then heading back to my place,”

“I had another fun idea for us, but it’s a surprise. Just sit back, drink your coffee, and be patient, we’ll be at destination number two in a few minutes,”

“Jack, I-“

“Alex, just trust me, it’s my professional opinion that you need to be out for a bit, and that this will be fun for you, okay? If you really hate it when we get there, we can leave, but just humor me for now,” Jack negotiated, a hint of desperation in his voice.

“Okay, fine. Also, what professional credential do you have, anyway?” Alex joked, earning small laughs from them both.

“That’s for me to know, and for you to wonder, man! Hey, we’re just about at my fun surprise!” Jack exclaimed, pulling into the parking lot of a park.

“Tyler Park? Man, I can’t remember the last time we were here, it’s been ages!” Alex stated, excitedly looking out the window as Jack parked the car.

“If I had to guess, I’d say the last time we were here was either high school, or sometime right after. We used to come here all the time, we wrote a lot of our early songs here, remember? Well, actually, you wrote the songs, I just came along with you and made sure we had some booze to make it more fun,”

“No, you helped with those songs, too. You came up with some great lyrics from the early stuff we put out, and you wrote a lot of the music for the songs, too,”

“I guess, but we both know that this park was your songwriting zone. Hey, let’s get out and explore some!” Jack suggested, getting out of the car.

“Okay, but I don’t want to go too far,” Alex replied, grabbing his coffee as he got out of Jack’s car, shutting the door behind him.

“We won’t, don’t worry. Let’s just find a bench and sit, or something,”

Alex nodded, then followed Jack to the start of the park’s trail. It wasn’t super crowded, it was the middle of the day on a Wednesday, so they both figured that people were at work or school. It didn’t take long for the two of them to find a gazebo in a fairly secluded place, which they quickly went over to, to claim it.

They sat down next to each other, Jack left an awkward amount of space between the two of them, not wanting Alex to feel smothered by him. Alex sipped at his drink as he looked around at their surroundings, and Jack tried to figure out what he could say to break the uncomfortable silence.

“Nice day, isn’t it?” Jack finally asked, holding back an eye roll at himself for saying possibly the stupidest thing he could think of.

“Yeah, just like you said it was,” Alex awkwardly replied, looking down at the floor of the gazebo.

Jack waited a moment to reply, unsure of how he wanted to go about this conversation. He still wanted to talk to Alex about whatever was him, but he didn’t want to completely ambush him with an uncomfortable conversation. While Jack wanted to be considerate and gentle, he also wanted to help his friend, so despite his possibly better judgment, he decided to rip the Band-Aid off and go for it.

“Alex, listen, we need to talk,” Jack finally said, trying to hide his nervousness with a false confidence.

Alex didn’t speak right away, still looking down at the floor.

“I knew you were going to say that eventually, but do we really have to? I’ll be fine, dude,” Alex finally replied, his voice soft.

“Yes, we do,”

“Why? You don’t need to be worried about me,”

“Yes, I do. First of all, you said you’ll be fine, not that you are fine, so there’s something that’s going on that’s making you not fine right now; wow, that was a mouthful. Anyway, of course I need to be worried about you, you’re my best friend, and you’ve been keeping to yourself, your house looked like a wreck, and so did you, no offense. I’m sorry to bring this up so abruptly, but I’m only doing it because I care about you, dude. Please, talk to me so I can try to help,” Jack stated, not caring how desperate he sounded.

Alex sighed, then slowly looked up from the ground, and over to Jack. A look of fear appeared on his face as he did his best to keep his breathing calm and steady.

“I guess I’ve just had a lot going on in my head lately,” Alex started, forcing himself to continue looking at Jack, rather than the ground.

“Okay, well, what’s been going on in your head? Did something happen that upset you?” Jack asked, sounding calmer and more empathetic now that Alex was finally opening up.

“It’s kind of hard to explain, but I’ll try my best. Towards the end of tour, I kind of started to realize all the changes we’ve gone through, like, as a band, and as people, over the past few years. Well, since we got out of high school and have been able to do the band as our careers,”

“We’ve definitely gone through some changes, but they’ve mostly been good changes, right? I mean, we’re getting our music played on some radio stations, we’re playing bigger shows than we have in the past, and our music is getting better and better. Do you think we’ve changed in a bad way?”

Alex took a deep breath then sighed, looking a bit frustrated. Jack couldn’t tell if Alex’s frustration was inward at himself for not being able to find the words he was looking for, or if it was directed at him, for asking so many questions.

“No, we’ve definitely changed in great ways as a band, but they’ve been fairly significant, big changes. We’ve gained more fans ever since we started touring full time, but that could change again in the future. People may end up disliking us and our music, and in the future, we could have no fans, and no career. Everything is just so uncertain, I guess it kind of freaks me out,” Alex admitted, his voice cracking.

Alex quickly cleared his throat to stop himself from crying as Jack scooted closer to Alex, finally closing the awkward gap between them, and putting a hand on Alex’s leg.

“Hey, it’s okay to cry if you need to. So, this is all because you’re freaked out that people won’t like our band in the future?”

“It’s not just that, to be honest; like I said, it’s really fucking hard to describe. Like, our fans not liking us eventually is just part of it, it’s more so the concept of the future that’s been messing with my head. The possibility of our fans not liking us in the future freaks me out, but the future as a whole scares me, too,”

“Okay, um, I don’t totally know if I’m following you here. Are you freaked out that we won’t have jobs in the future if the band tanks, which I don’t think it will? I’m sorry to ask you so many questions, I just want to try to understand how you’re feeling,” Jack replied, trying his hardest to follow along with the fragments of information Alex had given him so far.

“It’s okay, I know that you just want to help, and I’m probably being cryptic as fuck and not making it easy. So, with the future, I guess I’ve started to realize that nothing about it is certain, and it’s just such an abstract, unfathomable thing. Like, the passage of time is really weird to me, it always has been, I think that’s what’s made me always be so interested in things having to do with outer space. Basically, that stuff interests me, but it also kind of freaks me out,” Alex explained, starting to feel the all too familiar of anxiety pool in his stomach; it usually happened when he started to think too deeply about these things.

“Oh, so you’re freaked out about time and how it just keeps going?”

“I guess that’s the easiest way to describe it,”

Alex’s voice cracked again, and this time he couldn’t stop a few small tears from spilling down his face. Jack wrapped his arm around Alex and hugged him tight while Alex got himself together.

“I think a lot of people are freaked out by that kind of thing, dude. Not to invalidate how you’re feeling, but don’t feel weird for feeling this way, it seems to be pretty common. Hell, even I’ve thought about all of the ‘big questions’ in life and have been a bit freaked out by it,” Jack sympathized, moving his hand to rub calming circles in Alex’s back.

“I appreciate you saying that. It’s not just that, though; sometimes, the future also feels so far away. I guess that’s kind of the point of it, but it feels like a long time sometimes,”

“I mean, people always say that time moves really fast. Like, fifty years seems like a lot when you’re in the middle of it, but it probably goes by quicker than people suspect that it will,”

“Yeah, I guess so, but it does feel like an insanely long time sometimes. There are some days that I feel like- actually, never mind,”

Alex cut himself off, then put his sweatshirt sleeves over his hands, and held them up at his eyes. Jack started to feel more concerned, he figured that Alex’s mood shift had been due to missing tour, he didn’t expect to have such a deep, existential conversation with Alex.

“No, what is it, Alex? You can tell me, remember?” Jack pushed, hugging Alex again.

“Okay, I’m going to come out and say it, but let me explain before you react or freak out. Um, there are days where the future feels so far away, and while I like my life, and our life as a band, I don’t know that, um, I don’t know that I want to keep doing it. Like, the thought of still being here in fifty years just seems so exhausting,”

Now it was Jack’s turn to feel anxious. For all the years that he’d known Alex, Alex had always been a happy, optimistic person, so hearing something this dark come from his best friend was scary.

“So, that last thing you said, are you-“

“Am I what, suicidal? No, I have no desire to hurt myself or anything like that, I promise. It’s just, I don’t know, the thought of doing this day in, day out shit for all that time seems so exhausting. I would never try to end my own life, please don’t think that I would; I’d be leaving you, Rian, Zack, my family and friends, and the fans. I have a great life, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes existing can just feel like a lot,” Alex explained, forcing himself to take deep breaths, hoping that he wouldn’t spiral any further.

Jack sat in silence for a moment, not entirely sure as to how to respond. He could somewhat relate to what Alex was saying, but hearing it still concerned him.

“Did I freak you out with all that? Sorry, dude,” Alex eventually said, regaining Jack’s attention.

“No, no, I was just trying to figure out what to say that would be helpful. Um, it’s a relief that you’re not, like, wanting to hurt yourself or anything, but I hate to hear you have such a negative outlook on your life. I know that going about life can feel hard and a bit monotonous at times, but I guess I just never expected to hear something like that from you,” Jack finally said, hoping that what he’d said was good enough.

“I get that, I mean, I never expected to say something like that, y’know? Most of the time, things like that don’t even cross my mind, like I said, I have an amazing life, and an amazing job, but I can’t help but have that occasional melancholic day. Well, it’s actually been a couple weeks, not just a day, but you get the idea,” Alex replied, forcing a nervous laugh.

“Yeah, it seems to be a normal thought that people have, to an extent. Alex, why didn’t you talk to me about this when you started feeling these feelings? You know I would’ve done whatever I could’ve done to help you,”

Alex sighed again as a guilty look took over his face. He looked down at the floor again as he played with the hem of his shirt.

“I should’ve talked to you when all this started up, but I guess I didn’t know how to describe it. I also thought I’d just get over it and be fine, I didn’t expect to feel this way for so long. As the days went on, it got harder and harder to want to talk with people, which is why I’ve been a bit MIA lately. It truly was nothing against you, it was just my mind being stupid,”

“Talking about how you feel can be hard, especially when you’re deep into it, I get it. I have to ask, when we were at your place earlier, there were a bunch of booze bottles laying around, are-“

“I’ve been drinking more than normal to cope, which I know isn’t good. I mean, I’ve not been, like, blackout drunk every single day since we got back from tour, but I’ve been drinking fairly consistently, it was the only thing I could think of to do that would block out my mind. It did actually work some in the beginning, but eventually, I just started to fixate on all this when I’d be drunk,”

“Have you had anything to drink today?”

“Nope, and I don’t plan on it. I didn’t yesterday either, for the first time in a while. I’d actually wanted to put all the bottles back, but it can be hard to force yourself to get up and do shit when you’re going through it,” Alex continued, still playing with the hem of his shirt in embarrassment.

“I get that, man. Look, I’m really glad that you talked to me about this, sorry I kind of forced it out of you. You’re my best friend and I care about you a lot; also, you’re the lead singer in my band, and I’d be kind of screwed without you,” Jack joked, making them both laugh.

“You’re right about that, dude. Thank you for forcing me to get out of my house and talk about all this, it actually really helped. I mean, everything I’ve been thinking about hasn’t just, like, gone away or anything, but it feels more manageable now, if that makes sense,”

“Yeah, I get that, I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better. In the future, if something’s upsetting you like this, please talk to me. You’ve helped me off so many ledges throughout the course of our friendship, and you know I’ll always do the same for you,”

Alex smiled at his friend, then Jack pulled him into a real, two-armed hug that they stayed in for a couple minutes. Eventually, they pulled apart from each other, both still smiling.

“I just had another fun idea for us! Why don’t we head back to your place and I can help you clean it up a bit! I know it’s hard to clean and shit when you’re not feeling great mentally, and I’d love to help you,” Jack suggested, standing up from the gazebo bench.

“Dude, I couldn’t ask you to do that, you already cleaned up my emotional mess, no way you want to clean up the mess at my house, too,” Alex replied, standing and stretching.

“Well, you didn’t ask, I offered, and I don’t have anything else planned, anyway. It’ll be fun, we can blast some music while we clean, then we can order a pizza and watch movies, what do you say?”

“That does sound like a pretty great afternoon, a lot better than the ones I’ve been having recently. Let’s do it!” Alex exclaimed, following Jack out of the gazebo, and back through the park to the car.

After getting in the car, Jack started driving back in the direction of Alex’s house. Neither one of them had put the music on this time, they were riding in total silence. Jack was stopped at a red light, and looked over to Alex, about to offer his phone for music, when the smile on Alex’s face distracted him.

“There’s that smile! I’m glad to see it again!” Jack stated, making a slight blush appear on Alex’s cheeks.

“Thank you, Jack,” Alex replied, making Jack smile.

“Of course, Alex,” Jack said, the traffic light finally turning green.

Jack focused his attention back on the road as he drove through the intersection. He looked around at his surroundings, the sun was still shining bright in the sky, it really was a perfect day.

A/N: Hey guys, this is a request for zack_and_alex on AO3! I meant to have this up way sooner than I did, but I didn't want to rush it, and I got a bit busy recently. I have a few more requests in the works currently, but always feel free to send me more ideas if you have them! Another fic will be up soon! -Liv

[jodilinbio]

Note: This section was written in 2005 and edited in 2024 for sharing.

With tears streaming down my face, we left the mountain on September 7th. I felt beaten, helpless, and hopeless. It seemed like the more we wanted something, the more fate turned against us. I began to wonder if we would ever escape the past. We went to Oregon to save money, yet we ended up more broke than ever. We went to get away from people, but there we were, back in the city we had tried to escape, forced to face the chaos of civilization all over again. Though it was a small city, I was once again subjected to the blare of loud, obnoxious car stereos, barking dogs, and all the sounds that come with living close to others. I watched with anger, frustration, and sorrow as so many of the things we had run from began creeping back into our lives.

We started out at the Townhouse Motel, one of the noisiest places we stayed. It was owned by an older couple.

I sank into a deep depression and became incredibly emotional, feeling completely disconnected from reality. Crying spells came frequently, and I truly believed we would never live in a house again, much less own one. I hadn’t wanted to die as badly as I did that day since getting legally shit on. Though I knew this crisis wasn’t as severe as others I had survived, it’s always the one you’re going through that feels the worst at the time, and this one felt plenty bad enough.

To make matters worse, Tom and I were constantly worried about him being laid off. The small, family-owned company he worked for was struggling financially, and since he was new to the area, we knew he would be the first to go if they started cutting jobs.

I thought back to when Tom had asked me how it felt to be jobless and homeless on the first night of our journey to Oregon.

“It makes me nervous,” I had told him. “What about you? How do you feel?”

“Excited,” he had replied.

But that excitement had definitely worn off by now. We weren’t jobless anymore, but being homeless and living in motels was no fun at all.

After a week of enduring constant door-slamming at the Townhouse Motel, we moved to The Klamath Inn, owned by a Muslim family. The father wasn’t particularly friendly, but his son Shelvin was outgoing and said his father was like that with everyone.

By mid-September, the weather had started getting colder, making me regret our decision to come to Oregon. The chill reminded me too much of New England. Once the snow arrived in late October, I didn’t know which I hated more: Arizona or Oregon. I missed Arizona’s warmth, the monsoons, the palms, cacti, and roadrunners, but I didn’t miss the state itself or its crazy laws.

I longed for a place that didn’t get as blisteringly hot as Arizona but also didn’t turn cold and snowy. The area we were in wasn’t as snowy as New England, but it sure was colder. Tom, however, loved it. After growing up in the desert, it was a new and exciting experience for him. As much as I was coming to hate Oregon, it would ultimately become my ticket to my dream state—the one I had always thought I couldn’t live in for one reason or another. Part of me regretted not moving straight from Phoenix to Sacramento and skipping both Maricopa and Oregon. Sacramento seemed like it would offer a better climate, more job opportunities, and fairer insurance policies. Tom was paying $1 an hour of his pay for his insurance, and it would take $4 an hour to insure me, so we decided not to bother. Oregon’s lack of sales tax meant we would be hit hard at tax time.

Though it hurt to lose our land and the dream of building our own house, I realized I would have hated dealing with the brutal winters there—worse than where we were now, at 4,342 feet in elevation.

There were a few interesting things about life in Oregon, like Jane. Ah, Jane. She was a waitress at an awesome Chinese restaurant we couldn’t afford to visit often. From the moment we made eye contact, I knew she liked me. She was funny, and I enjoyed her service, but I doubted she would’ve made a good friend. No one is that hyper—not even me. Given how thin she was for her age, I suspected she was on drugs. Still, she was attractive, with long dark hair and dark eyes, and a bit tall. She eventually moved away, and I never saw her again.

Between early September and late October, we stayed in four different motels. The A1-Budget was the best. Raj and Tina, a friendly couple from India, owned it. Tina even bought a couple of dolls from me, which helped us out. She offered us a room with a kitchen for $650 a month, and while we briefly considered it, we decided we needed more space. Plus, I didn’t want them waking me up to clean the room when I was working nights.

We made one final trip up to the land to empty out the RV and dismantle the shed we had built.

“More money lost,” I thought bitterly as we took it apart.

[allthingsanimals]

Interesting Facts about Snakes: Reptilian Wonders

Snakes are members of the class Reptilia and are both interesting and terrifying creatures. Serpentes is their scientific name. They are found practically everywhere on Earth, with the exception of Antarctica, Iceland, Ireland, Greenland, and New Zealand. They are different colors, shapes, and sizes.

However, did you know that snakes may actually surprise you with some amazing traits? Let's examine some interesting facts about snakes facts that will undoubtedly alter your perception of them.

10 Fascinating Facts about Snakes 

1: There Are Over 3,700 Snake Species

There are more than 3,700 species of these limbless reptiles in the globe, and they are mostly found in a broad range of habitats, such as tropical rainforests and arid deserts. Based on the most current census, snakes are the second largest category of reptiles after lizards, with 4038 species. Snakes vary greatly in size, color, and preferred habitat. Two examples are the huge reticulated python and the small Barbados thread snake.

By throwing light on the ongoing explosion of snake species, each new discovery—like the Phalotris Shawnella discovered in Paraguay in 2022 and the recently discovered green anaconda species in the Amazon in 2024—uncovers the endless mysteries of nature.

2: Snakes Smell with Their Tongues

Yes, snakes have an excellent sense of smell despite having noses. They sense smells using their mouths. The tongue of a snake flicks upward, collecting microscopic chemical particles that are in contact with the vomeronasal organ, sometimes referred to as the Jacobson's organ. The mouth then receives these particles once more. The snake can identify these particles—which may be dirt, vegetation, or other animals—thanks to this organ.

Snakes utilize their tongues to notify potential predators or to locate their next meal. As a result, they utilize their tongues to sense crucial environmental cues in addition to taste.

3: Some Snakes Can Fly

The genus Chrysopelea, sometimes referred to as the "flying snake," is a member of the Colubridae family and is distributed across Southeast Asia and the Indonesian Archipelago. Their amazing ability to soar from trees up to 300 feet in the air belies their moniker.

Because flying snakes don't have much venom, humans are not in danger. Rather, their poison renders little victims unconscious. The only limbless animals that have been shown to be able to do such aerodynamic feats, like skimming the treetops with ease, are these extraordinary creatures.

4: Snakes Hear With Their Jaw

Despite not having external ears or internal ear drums, snakes are entirely hearing. The cochlea, an organ that detects sound, is joined to the mandible. Thus, when we walk by a snake that is at rest, the vibrations from our footsteps cause its jaw to twitch, sending signals to the cochlea and elsewhere.

The snake can now sense movements, even those of possible prey, thanks to this.

Additionally, because their jaws may unhinge on their own, giving them a better sense of where noises are, snakes may be able to hear in stereo. Vibrations from fifty to one thousand hertz can be felt by snakes. But the range of frequencies that individuals usually perceive is between 20 and 20,000 Hertz.

5: Some Snakes Live in the Sea

Sea snakes, of which there are around 60 species worldwide, are members of the cobra family. They were not designed to dwell on land, nevertheless, in contrast to terrestrial snakes. Their shape is optimized for swimming, not for land crawling. When they come into contact with land, they become feeble and lazy.

Sea snakes like the water, yet they may travel short distances on land. Even though they belong to the same family as terrestrial snakes, sea snakes are aquatic animals. Because these snakes are not aggressive and don't release a lot of venom, they also pose minimal threat to human life.

6: Snakes Are Solar-Powered

Indeed, it is true! Snakes are powered by the sun, just like solar panels. The sun provides them with heat, which they need to survive. They will die just like a dead battery in the absence of sunshine.

For comfort and digestion, they need sun energy. Snakes hibernate in order to save energy until the light comes back in colder climates, such as Colorado's severe winters. Their life is sustained by this cycle driven by the sun. Keep in mind, then, that a snake's entire body heals when it receives sun exposure.

7: Snakes are Carnivores

Serpents are true carnivores; they only consume flesh. But the stuff they eat differs depending on the species. While some people choose to eat insects, amphibians (like frogs and toads), or even eggs, others eat rodents, birds, and rabbits since they are warm-blooded animals. While some snakes hunt other reptiles, others catch their prey by fishing.

They swallow their meal whole rather than chewing it. Furthermore, neither plants nor snakes' digestive system bacteria are able to decompose plants or provide snakes with the energy they require to survive. Therefore, in order to survive, snakes must satiate their carnivorous need, which may involve chowing down on a frog or a mouse.

8: Not All Snakes Lay Eggs

The common misconception is that all snakes lay eggs. The remaining snakes, especially those located in colder climates, give birth to offspring while 70% lay eggs. These snakes hold their eggs inside of them until they hatch because they are ovoviviparous.

The eggs are shielded from environments where they wouldn't develop by using this reproductive technique. That's why, in contrast to what people think, snakes do not lay eggs; instead, they give birth to live young in order to adapt to their surroundings.

9: Snakes Don’t Have Eyelids

Most people think that all snakes lay eggs. Of all snakes, 70% lay eggs, and the remaining 20%, especially those found in colder climates, give birth to young. These snakes are ovoviviparous, meaning they carry their eggs inside of them until they hatch.

By employing this reproductive approach, the eggs are shielded from unfavorable environments where they would not thrive. Therefore, contrary to common assumption, reptiles do not produce eggs. Instead, certain snakes give birth to live young in place of eggs in order to adapt to their environment.

10: Snakes Can Change their Skin

Snakes lose their skin when they come out from under it and shed any parasites that may have stuck. Unlike humans, snakes' skin does not become longer as they get larger. When their skin gets really tight, they have to have it removed.

Unlike other animals, snakes lose their whole coat due to excessive thinning or tattering. Snakes are able to adapt to their ever-changing bodies and preserve their health because to this unique ability.

Conclusion

Snakes are extraordinarily intriguing animals with distinctive characteristics that make them stand out from other animals. The diversity of snake species and their extraordinary vibratory sensitivity through their jawbones never cease to astound us. The amount of additional information regarding snakes, some of which we have already covered, never ceases to astound us. There seems to be no end to the things we might learn about the world of snakes; the more we study, the more we learn, and the more we respect these amazing animals.

[ejaydoeshisbest]

I must leave you alone for the time being because I know how to take a hint. I see your eye twitch to the side. Is it a dismissal or a show of boredom to my plight? I know that you love me. But you are tired, and you want to go back to feelings of bliss again. I can see the poison in me crawl through your veins, lighting it sickly green. My experiences now are such a contrast to your lives there, and I will withdraw before infecting you any further with my sickness.

When your phone lights up and you see my face and name, do you cringe? Do you brace yourselves as you pick it up and take a deep breath before answering it? Do you prepare for the emotional outburst; the crying, weeping, creature about to wreck your phone’s stereo system. I noticed that my messages are left unread. Does it mean you finally had enough?

I must leave you, even though I have dropped and will continue to drop whatever I am doing at the moment if I hear the pleasant ping or ringtone of my phone. I must leave you to learn how to love myself again. To start being comfortable in the skin I’m in.

I thought that maybe that this was just my overthinking, anxious nature making me blow things out of proportion again, but no. By this point, I have tracked the signs: more and more people are giving up on me. It’s just a matter of time before you do too. I will disappear for a while before that happens. Because as much as it is difficult to manage this loneliness without you, I’d rather be lonely than be shunned by you. I had forgotten the respect and necessity of healthy boundaries, even if we’re family.

I must leave you to learn how to become independent again. I need to learn how to be strong and supportive, instead of always asking for support. It is just as I was planning to say to one of my oldest friends when they mocked me and dismissed my fears as mere inconvenient drama: “I’m not the right friend for you at this moment. I’ll come back when I’m better.”

I must leave you alone because I must allow you to breathe. I promised myself that whatever happens from this point onward, I must do good. And one of the good things I can do for you is to not disrupt your peaceful life. I miss you badly but I recognize that I am toxic sludge polluting your pristine pool.

Make no mistake: My heart longs to be near you again. I can’t handle seeing your face on the screen during video calls because I am unable to touch you. My fingers grip the phone so hard I’m glad that won’t crack or get dented. I want to punch the wall because I want so badly to be with you. Our video calls are a constant reminder that you are across the ocean in a more beautiful country with your functioning families and tight-knit communities, while I am stuck here in this house with its many broken everything, worrying about our next meal, struggling to keep it together, alone, so alone, friends moving on to build the life they want. I am trapped here.

Words: Ejay Diwas

Art: Masha Manapov

[mobileaudioengineering]

The Evolution of Sound: Unravelling the History and Future of Mobile Audio

In the ever-accelerating journey of technological progress, the evolution of mobile audio emerges as a captivating narrative that intertwines with our daily lives. From the humble beginnings of ringtones to today's immersive spatial sound experiences, the history of mobile audio is a fascinating chronicle of innovation. In this exploration, we will unravel the intricate tapestry of mobile audio, tracing its roots, understanding its pivotal moments, and envisioning the promising future that awaits us.

The Prelude: Humble Ringtones and Polyphonic Melodies

The journey began in the early 2000s, when mobile phones transitioned from mere communication devices to lifestyle accessories. Ringtones, once limited to basic monophonic tunes, evolved into polyphonic melodies. These were the modest origins of mobile audio—when using your phone as a personal music player was yet to materialise.

The Rise of MP3: A Sonic Revolution

The landscape shifted with the introduction of MP3 technology. Mobile phones have become not only communication tools but also portable music players. The ability to load MP3 files onto a mobile device marked a seismic shift, allowing users to carry their favourite tunes wherever they went. This era laid the foundation for the convergence of mobile technology and audio consumption.

Earbuds Enter the Scene: A Personal Auditory Haven

As MP3 players paved the way, introducing earbuds brought a newfound intimacy to the listening experience. No longer tethered to external speakers, users could create their own auditory haven, immersing themselves in music without disturbing those around them. Earbuds symbolised personal freedom, allowing users to curate their sonic landscape.

The Smartphone Symphony: Redefining Audio Capabilities

The true crescendo in the evolution of mobile audio came with the advent of smartphones. These devices, equipped with increasingly sophisticated audio processors, transformed the landscape again. Smartphones were no longer just communication tools; they were sonic sceptres capable of delivering high-fidelity audio experiences.

High-Fidelity Audio Processors: The Heartbeat of Sonic Brilliance

Enter the era of high-fidelity audio processors embedded in smartphones. These technological marvels decoded and amplified audio signals with unparalleled precision. The result was a listening experience that captured the subtleties and nuances of every note. From advanced DACs to powerful amplifiers, the smartphone has become a pocket-sized powerhouse for audiophiles.

AI-Driven Sound Customisation: Tailoring Audio Experiences

As smartphones evolved, so did the integration of artificial intelligence (AI) into audio technology. AI-driven sound customisation emerged, allowing devices to adapt to users' listening habits. With its AI algorithms, the smartphone became a device capable of tailoring the audio profile to individual preferences. This personalisation marked a significant leap forward in the quest for a bespoke auditory experience.

Immersive Spatial Sound: Breaking the Stereo Mould

The latest chapter in the smartphone symphony explores immersive spatial sound. Technologies like Dolby Atmos and DTS:X have shattered the confines of traditional stereo sound. Users can now experience a three-dimensional auditory environment where sound emanates from left and right channels and above and below. Once limited by its form factor, the smartphone has become a portable theatre, enveloping users in a multisensory experience.

Portable Audio Accessories: Beyond the Smartphone

While smartphones have undeniably redefined the mobile audio landscape, the story extends beyond the devices. Portable audio accessories have emerged as indispensable companions, enhancing and personalising the auditory experience on the go.

Premium Headphones: The Crown Jewel of Personal Auditory Experiences

Premium headphones have become synonymous with immersive soundscapes. Beyond their technical capabilities, these accessories are crafted for comfort and style. From noise-cancelling marvels that create a cocoon of silence to wireless options that offer freedom of movement, premium headphones have elevated listening into a personalised art form.

Portable DACs: Unlocking Sonic Potential

Enter the world of portable digital-to-analogue converters (DACs), the unsung heroes of mobile audio. These compact devices act as audio alchemists, transforming digital signals into pure analogue bliss. Portable DACs have become essential for audiophiles seeking to unlock the full potential of their high-quality headphones, ensuring that every sonic detail is preserved.

Portable Amplifiers: Pocket-Sized Powerhouses

Portable amplifiers are pocket-sized powerhouses that add an extra punch to the listening experience. Whether driving high-impedance headphones or enhancing audio quality, these devices act as sonic architects, ensuring that the nuances of the music are not lost in translation. Portable amplifiers break the boundaries of traditional audio setups, allowing users to elevate their auditory experiences on the go.

Looking Ahead: The Future Resonance of Mobile Audio

As we stand at the crossroads of mobile audio's past and present, the future promises even more exciting developments. Technological innovation continues to shape the landscape, and the trajectory suggests a harmonic convergence of cutting-edge capabilities and user-centric experiences.

Smart Integration: A Seamless Audio Ecosystem

The future promises seamless integration between mobile audio devices and other smart technologies. Imagine a world where your smartphone effortlessly syncs with your smartwatch and your portable speaker interacts with your virtual assistant. Integrating smart features is poised to redefine how we interact with audio devices, making the user experience more intuitive and interconnected.

Sustainability in Design and Production

A commitment to sustainability is an emerging theme in the future of mobile audio.

Manufacturers are progressively embracing environmentally friendly materials, packaging that can be recycled, and energy-efficient technologies as part of their commitment to reduce their environmental footprint. As consumers become more conscientious about the ecological footprint of their devices, the industry responds with a focus on responsible and sustainable practices.

Conclusion: The Ongoing Symphony of Mobile Audio

The evolution of sound in the mobile audio landscape is a continuous symphony, with each chapter bringing new notes of innovation and discovery. The journey has been transformative, from the early days of ringtones to today's immersive spatial sound experiences.

As we unravel the history and peer into the future of mobile audio, we find ourselves in a dynamic era where technology harmonises with our desire for personalised, high-fidelity auditory experiences. The smartphone, once a humble device for communication, has become a versatile conduit for the art of sound, and portable accessories add layers of personalisation and richness to the listening experience.

So, whether you are a casual listener enjoying your favourite tunes on your daily commute, an audiophile seeking the highest fidelity possible, or a tech enthusiast excited about the future of mobile audio, the symphony continues. The evolution of sound in the mobile audio realm is a testament to human ingenuity, pushing the boundaries of what is possible and enriching our lives with the power of music and sound.

[handelplayssims]

Righty! We’re entering into a new household this time! The Moody & McMillan household!

We got old gays with conflicting personalities and a GOAL. Well a goal for me at least. The goal is to make friends with at least one of these guys so I can pass the house along when they die! These two old men don’t have any children of their own, which nice and all, but the Sims 4 is implicity all about creating a linage to pass down homes as dying alone gives you a game over state. That being said, I haven’t ever objected to just giving a home to someone the elderly sim has a high relationship with. That’s how Cameron Fletcher slid into my played families! And it doesn’t need to be given away soon, just near the end of their lifespans.

I will also make note that the home lot for this family was designed by HeyHarrie! I’ll likely give my thoughts on the build at the end of the turn with the household, as it does give me enough time to determine whether or not I, as someone who doesn’t build much myself but plays extensively within a build, like it.

Right, that’s enough preamble, let’s play!

Breakfast time and this is the first time I can show off the new cooking layout! Alongside the kitchen stuff pack release, we got a rebalancing of the cooking menu with subfolders! Now personally, I wish for qualifications on breakfast, lunch and dinner foods but I’ll take the dietary restrictions.

Derek McMillan is a skilled chef, Ian Moody isn’t so we’re having him cook. We also have a chicken coop around so I purchase two hens and one rooster. ...oh and both Derek and Ian have a fear of dying. I’m gonna have them talk to each other about that to clear that off. Or at least Ian will since the want to clear that fear is on him.

-snicker- Remember that Neighborhood Watch about Ian becoming a Superstar actor and retiring from it? Well, it seems that it didn’t matter much to him as he’s getting no retirement pay from it! Which fine by me, but that’ll just be amusing when I see it pop up.

Anyway, Ian’s who we loaded into so let’s look at his whims. A drink of nectar as a foodie and to call someone. ...he literally has no one to call as his only social contact is Derek and the new chickens. Let’s get to work on that! Meanwhile, Derek has much calmer whims, listening to Baroque and Classical music. Welp, might as well! First purchase in this house! A stereo!

OH MY GOD. Birds are flying around Ian as he sings his beautiful music. That was a thing in Cottage Living’s trailer but never noticed how you got that. DISNEY PRINCE!

Hey Rahami Watson! Don’t leave! I want to make friends with- and there she goes. Alas and alack. Welp, at least I can fullfill the whim.

Also, gotta say, the sunsnow around here is super-pretty! Not like the British weather I’ve experienced at all. (Then again, this pack is all about an idealized British countryside life)

Let’s see...using a bar in the Cotswolds as a reference, thanks Google Maps, I won’t have Ian go off for his nectar until noon. That leaves me with Derek and his tunes and ohp! Both are sleepy! And both are retired so they can sleep and rise whenever they wish!

I hear a negative sting in the game and we have lost a chicken AND a fox has an egg! Le gasp! I haven’t had to deal with the Wild Foxes negative lot trait in a long while, as it’s only in Henford! Our chickens need protecting! That being said, Ian doesn’t hate foxes. On the contrary, I think he actually is rather fond of them. So instead of shooing this fox, we’re going to befriend him! ...or all of the foxes around could head off. Sure fine! And it means are chickens are safe for now. To bed with Derek!

Ian is first up! His whims, still nectar and to listen to Electronic music! ...well he’s hungry so lets finally head to the bar! Compared to many other bars in game, which just have the basic food options Get Together introduces, Henford-on-Bagley does have some expanded food options! Mostly from the person who built this bar, and perhaps their own research, pointing out that many British pubs do serve as restaurants as well as bars, in contrast to the US, which most bars just have drinks and paltry food selections.

Anyway, let’s introduce ourself to the barkeep and check in on her errands! Several NPCs within Henford-on-Bagley do have small quests you can do for them. A Friendly Visit would work well with Ian’s wants and whims so let’s pick that up! What we are to do is to talk to the other Henford-on-Bagley major NPCs! They’ll pop up around the square but it’s in the evening so that won’t work out. Anyway, Ian’s aspiration is to become a Friend of the World so let’s go and chat and befriend Sara while we’re at it! This old man is certainly taking his time befriending Sara. Going to have to run around the socials so many times around. Making it worse is that I have to manually pick the socials rather than just relying on what pops up first since she’s a bartender and so it buries the socials under the menus rather than just popping them up naturally. Finally befriended her around 2AM. Now we can head home and listen to our favorite tunes...which incidentally, aren’t Sara’s favorite tunes. I would argue about that but I want them to be better friends first so it doesn’t ruin their relationship.

Derek’s whims didn’t refresh since I left mid-sleep but that works out fine by me. He wants to start writing a new book thanks to his best-selling author aspiration. That we can get to work on now! (Also would make some nice passive income in our retirement)

-sighs as Ian gets a Social Bunny notification- He would have Facebook, wouldn’t he? Ian’s a bit too social not to. I got a notification of foxes and NOPE! Let’s have Derek go pester them! ...and it’s 5AM already. Wow. Can’t believe it’s time for-

Neighborhood Watch!

Nothing of note has happened recently. Check back tomorrow.

...BOOOOOOO!

[mayhemproduces]

LSMTT Tournament Final: The Apex vs The Rascalz vs Violence is Forever vs Maki Death Kill

The third annual Larry Sweeney Memorial Tag Team Tournament has been one of the more versatile tournaments. Starting as a month-long tournament, that culminated at the first Thunder in Paradise event, to last year's massive Cibernetico, and now, we end with a four way dance, one fall to a finish. We started with eight teams, but only four remain. In previous years, the Rascalz survived the journey to become the first ever MPW World Tag Team Champions, with VENYU the last team left standing at the end of the Cibernetico. Unfortunately, VENYU's title aspirations stayed a dream, showing that the reward may be harder than the journey itself. For these four teams, they have a particularly hard, painful fight ahead of them, and at the end of the tunnel awaits one of the most dominant tag team champions we've had to date at the biggest show of the summer.

Our four final teams stand in the ring, staring each other down, as our referee tonight, Jake Clemons, has been tasked with trying to control this match. Although this is MDK's and Team Filthy's first attempt in this tournament, they know you have to choose your spots carefully. Eventually, Maki Itoh and Nick Gage, as well as The Apex, move to the apron, allowing the Rascalz and Violence is Forever to start this one off. Kevin Ku and Zach Wentz  lock up. Jockeying for position, trying to win control, they topple to the mat, continuing to grapple until Kevin winds up with an ankle lock, but Zach rolls through, grabbing a side headlock, taking them back down to the mat. Kevin counters into a headscissor, but Zach kips out of it. Back on their feet, Kevin gets a backslide!

1… 2… Kickout!

Jumping up, Zach traps him in an inside cradle! 

1… 2… Kickout!

As they jump to their feet, Garrini tags out Kevin, as Gage gets a blind tag on Wentz. He jumps into the ring, and instantly, he and Dom are trading forearms, the two heavier hitters squaring off. Gage gets them on the ropes , goes for a whip. As Dom hits the ropes, Rhea tags herself in! Gage ducks a clothesline from Garrini, but Ripley nails him with a big boot! Nick knocks her down with a clothesline, but Toni Storm grabs him from behind, tossing Gage with a German suplex! On the apron, Dez jumps to the top rope, springboards, and takes the Apex out with a crossbody! Rhea and Toni roll to the outside, and Dez turns to the ropes, wanting to fly - but gets WIPED out by Total Elimination! Violence is Forever take Dez off the map with that one, and send him packing! Wentz glares at Garrini, but Dom redirects him, and Ku takes Zach's head off with a huge kick! Down goes the Rascalz, down went The Apex, and Violence is Forever is the only team left standing!

… Or so they think.

As VIF were gloating to the crowd, reminding them that they're the best tag team in the world, Maki Death Kill slid in right behind them! As VIF turn around to the thunderous cheer from our lively crowd, Gage and Maki trip them up, causing them to fall on the ropes. Gage reaches into his pockets, and pulls out not just one, but two pizza cutters! One is passed to Maki, and they hold up their shiney weapons, before driving them into the skills of Dominic Garrini and Kevin Ku, slicing them wide open! Blood is pouring down the faces of Violence is Forever, and the fans couldn't be anymore happy! Kevin is tossed to the floor, as Maki and Nick share a look, Dominic slowly turns around as MDK run the ropes - only to get taken down by in-stereo dropkicks from The Apex! Rhea tagged out Dominic before the match broke down, meaning she's the legal man, not Garrini! 

Rhea picks Maki up, and torpedoes Maki into Dominic Garrini, knocking that hard noggin against the side of his head, possibly knocking him out cold! Gage charges at Toni, but she's able to grab him, tossing him with a belly to belly suplex, but Rhea's able to catch him, and spike him with a Piledriver! Ouch! Toni keeps watch as Rhea folds him up to advance to Thunder in Paradise!

1… 2… Kickout!

Wristlock on Gage, Rhea drags them to her team's corner and tags in Toni Storm. Storm comes in to perch on the middle rope, nailing Gage's shoulder with a dropkick. Another wristlock applied to the former World Champion, where Toni whips him to the ropes. As he bounces off them, Zach makes the blind tag, and Toni nails Gage with an uppercut. As he hits the mat and rolls out of the way, Storm has to sidestep a springboard from Zach, before dropping him with a shoulder tackle. Toni takes a moment to taunt the fans before she tries to run the ropes, but Zach trips her up! As Dez slides in behind him, Zach lands a basement dropkick to the side of Toni's head, and Dez lands a standing shoot star press! Zach tries to follow up with a big jumping senton, but Toni rolls out of the way. She scrambles into the corner, and deflects an attack from both Rascalz, greeting them with the bottom of her boot, before she jumps to ths top rope, trying to take both of them down, but the Rascalz grab her! They toss Toni into the air, but she's able to land on her feet, and Dez nails her with a shoot kick!

Both Rascalz light Toni Storm up with kicks, forcing her to drop to a knee, where Dez hits an enzuigiri,and Zach hits a knee strike. They punctuate the sequence with a double stomp to her side, knocking Toni into the ropes, where Dominic Garrini tags himself back into this matchup! Zach charges him, but Dom deflects and nails Zach with a big kick to the side of the head. Dez is dumped out of the ring by Kevin as Garrini picks up Zach. He throws Wentz to his feet, and Kevin nails him with a rolling forearm, stunning him so Garrini can plant Zach with a German suplex! Kevin comes from above, squashing him with a double stomp! Shoulders down on Wentz!

1… 2… Broken up!

Dez throws himself at the cover,breaking it up just in time! Dez sends Kevin spilling to the outside, pulling the rope down under him. In the corner, Zach pulls a bait and switch on Garrini, and nails him with a jumping knee strike! He throws Garrini into the center of the ring with a snapmare, before caving in his chest with a penalty kick! Dez grabs Garrini's legs, and catapults him into a Superkick! Wentz pulls himself up to the top rope - with Maki tagging herself in! - and nails him with a double stomp! Right behind him comes Maki, who nails Garrini with a second double stomp! Dez looks confused, but rolls out of the way as Itoh makes the cover on Garrini!

1… 2… Kickout!

Maki Itoh pulls Dominic to his feet, and nails him with a headbutt! Itoh lets out a battle cry before she runs the ropes, nailing Garrini with a dropkick - but he barely even moves! Maki gets up and does it again, hitting a second dropkick, but there's still no movement! On the third try, Garrini picks Maki up, and crunches her spine across his knee! What a vicious backbreaker by Garrini! He shoves Maki to the mat, making a rather lackadaisical cover.

1… 2… Kickout!

Itoh barely throws her shoulder up, and tries to roll away from Dom, but Garrini follows her out to the apron. Keeping her docile with a few forearms, Garrini slips behind Maki, trying to German Suplex her to the floor, but Maki holds onto the ropes with everything she's got! Garrini gives some slack, trying to adjust his grip, and Maki throws her leg back, kicking him right in the beanbag! Garrini lets go and drops to the floor! Maki turns around, a crazed look in her eyes, before she jumps off the apron, taking Garrini out with a crossbody! With Gage's help, she gets Dom back in the ring, and gradually gets him locked into a Boston Crab! Maki could make Dominic submit - but it's quickly broken up by Kevin Ku! Gage rushes in after him, and amidst their brawl, Rhea tags in through Dom, bringing the Apex back into the bout.

Kevin Ku gets clotheslined to the floor, Gage following him out to the floor, as Maki nails Dom with a steel chair. She places it on his face, as she runs the ropes, nailing him with the falling Big Head right on the chair! Dom could be out cold, but it doesn't matter, Rhea's legal, and she lets Maki know by ripping her off the mat, and planting her with a vicious Gutwrench Powerbomb! Maki's folded up to send The Apex to Thunder in Paradise!

1… 2… Broken up!

Desmond Xavier breaks up the pinfall with a Superkick, and Rhea suddenly finds herself in the drop zone, as Zach Wentz comes off the top with a Swanton Bomb! Dez jumps to the top rope as well, and nails The with a gorgeous Spiral Tap! As Dez kept, Toni Storm grabbed Zach's foot and pulled him to the outside, as Dez eats a BIG clothesline from Rhea Ripley! He gets turned inside out, and sent packing to the outside! It's just The Apex and Maki Itoh, and we could be drawing to a finish!

Sending Maki through a ripcord, she meets a nasty knee strike on the other side, before Rhea lifts her to the heavens, and plants her with a HUGE sitout Spinebuster! This has to be it! The Apex are going back to Thunder in Paradise!

1… 2…

Zach Wentz comes from the sky with a HUGE Double Stomp! Right to the back of Rhea’s head! Rhea rolls to the outside, clutching the back of her head as Toni checks on her, as Zach helps Dez back to his feet, before Dez hits the ropes, and dives out to the outside, crashing down on both members of the Apex! 

Zach gets up to his feet and gets the crowd clapping, before turning to hit the ropes, looking for a dive on the Apex as well, but as he turns around, he’s backdropped by Kevin Ku, but in mid air, Dominic Garrini catches and plants Zach Wentz with a HUGE Mid Air Piledriver! Goodnight Wentz! Holy shit!

Dom and Ku stand alone in the ring with a still downed Maki Itoh, and a throat slash from Garrini indicates Maki’s fate, as Kevin Ku lifts her up into the air, and Dom Garrini kicks her in the back of the head, planting Maki Itoh with Chasing the Dragon! Maki’s out, Ku covers, that might be it!

1…..2…..3!

“Here are your winners, and your 2023 MPW Larry Sweeney Memorial Tag Team Tournament winners, Dominic Garrini & Kevin Ku, Violence is Forever!” 

The Final Bosses of Tag Team Wrestling have a date with the Rip City Shooters at Thunder In Paradise! Maybe the two most dominant tag teams we’ve ever seen in MPW, fighting for the tag team titles! Who will leave Thunder in Paradise with the MPW World Tag Team Championships?! 

Next week, we turn things over to Effy, as we celebrate pride month with Effy’s Big Gay Blockparty 3: MAKE IT GAYER! 

We’ll see you next week, goodnight!