#now it fucking aches
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i love how the bones i broke at fucking 12 still ache when i do too much physically over a DECADE later
#it was numb for the longest time#now it fucking aches#it was a clean break didnt even break skin but i guess it did enough damage to my nerves that#theyre coming back online now and they HURT#which maybe is a good thing? if the nerves are healing#but i preferred the numbness tbh#oh ouch im also having period cramps so bad rn so im sure that makes me more sensitive to everything#ouchie :|
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johnny cooing at you that yer so pretty, an absolute peach as he's paws at your face, fingers plumping your cheeks while rearranging your insides and simon then tells you to say it. tell 'im how pretty ya are from behind him.
#they gang up on you a lot because they're not very nice :(#simon *will* stop fucking him until you do as he said#and now johnnys in your ear because he's aching for release and you're keeping him from that just cuz of some measly words#thought ye loved him bonnie
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it just sucks because nothing is ever fucking made for you, and if it is made for you like 75% of the time it gets chopped into little pieces by every person alive because this is the one thing you have, so it has to prove itself to you.
like, a thing can't just be for women. men need to assign it to women. women have to experience "must" or "should" before their hobbies and passions - women are allowed to do silly, passive things like tuck our ankles and titter behind a fan, or something. women are allowed to, they are welcomed to. like the world is a house and we are supposed to be in the kitchen and now we are being given the divine right to enter the living room if we bring chips
because when it becomes for you, or about you, that is when the thing is vile. you should/must wear makeup so you can appear beautiful to men. once you wear makeup for yourself, or because you yourself enjoy putting it on, then you are no longer doing the right thing. there is a reason men hate certain fashion trends. there is a reason men hate things like the pumpkin spice latte - because it's not about them. you are buying it because it is good for you. they degrade your passions and interests. there is a reason women-led fields are largely seen as being "not a real" profession. when you are a good cook, that is because you can provide for him. close your eyes. you're not going to be a chef, be honest. that is a man making food for himself.
bras are made so breasts will be appealing to men. they are rarely about comfort or support. you have given up entirely on the idea of pockets. young girls have to worry about a shorter inseam on their shorts. a girl on instagram gets her septum pierced, and men in the comments are rabid about it - i just want to rip it out of her face. she'd be beautiful without it.
and fucking everything is for them. even the media that is "for you" is for them, eventually. remember "my little pony"? remember how hard it is to convince any executive to believe that little girls are worth selling to? in the media that is for you, you see little ways that you still need to make it accessible for them - the man is always powerful, smart, masculine. he is a man's man. the media usually forgives him. it usually says okay, some men are awful, but hey! gotta love 'em. because if you don't hold their hands and say "this is literally just a story about my lived reality", they shit their pants about it. they demand you put them into the media that's for you.
these are people who are so used to glutting themselves on the world. they are used to having every corner and every dollar and every place of leadership. so you say can i please have one slice of cake, just for myself, please, holy shit. and they fucking weep about it. they say you're being unfair, because some of their one-thousand-slices aren't beautiful, and your singular cake slice doesn't have their name on it. and aren't you being rude by not offering to share?
and honestly. fucking - yeah, man. you were kind of surprised, because the cake is a little basic (you bake at home, you're way past this stuff). but holy shit, it was nice just to be offered cake in the first place. you're used to having to starve. you're used to getting nothing, but going to the party anyway, because you're expected (professionally) to show up. you liked that it is a simple cake, and that it is warm, and mostly: you like that there is, for once, a cake-for-you.
in the real world, outside of metaphor, it feels like fucking being slapped. barbie didn't even say anything particularly unusual; it literally just made factually evident points. there are less women in leadership than men. we can look at that fact objectively. that is a real thing that is happening. and the movie is aware that it has to defend itself! that it has to spend like half an hour just turning to the camera and saying: i know this is hard for you to understand, but this is a real thing that women experience.
it's just - this is that one kid on the playground who thinks its allowed to hog all the toys. he builds this hoard that nobody else is allowed to even look at, or he'll get aggressive. everyone's a little scared of him, so they let it slide, because his daddy gave him the golden touch. he hates when people cry and thinks bullying is cool. he writes boys only! on a big sign and makes all his friends take "alpha male" classes.
and then girls pick up barbies, because there was nothing left for them. and in the void they've been given, with their scraps: they make long, spiraling narratives about how barbie is actually descended from snakes and has given her righteous followers magical (if concerning) powers and can speak 32 languages (2 of which are animal related) and has big plans for infrastructure (beginning with the local interstate). and the boy comes over, and he has a huge fit about how the girls aren't "including" him. he wants to know why the girls aren't making the story about ken.
"we didn't like your story." the girls blink at him. they point to his war stories and the gi joes and the millions of male-led narratives and how still in the modern day men get two-thirds of the speaking roles in movies and they point to men making mediocre shows that don't get lambasted and they point to men encouraging toxic masculinity and they point to men everywhere, men and men and men. and they say: "how is this our fault? you had ken."
"no!" he is already back to screaming and stomping his feet and tearing at his hair and intentionally reminding them that men are holding back thinly concealed violence and he says: "if it's not for me, it's actually sexism."
#it's almost as if you spent your entire life fucking denying us things and then get mad when god forbid#we point out that you've been denying us something#writeblr#almost as if . u ACTUALLY think women dream of being in a male-run society#like dude mostly i dream about not having a tummy ache#love when ppl tell me that men have to deal with more rejection than women do#im like. just say u have never had a hard day in ur fucking life. if u think the most difficult experience is getting turned down at a bar#men: this one movie doesn't suck my entire -#women: yeah so i went to the doctor and was bleeding out of my eyeballs but like the doctor said#it was probably just my time of the month i guess?#anyway so i died there and had to be revived but they think i faked dying bc it was hysterics#so i took 3 advil and now im back at work i guess
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#Mishanks#Akataka#red haired shanks#dracule mihawk#Idk man im feeling things#They're so inherently fucking sad. The complexity of two guys pulled together and pulled away by 'fate'#One perpetually in motion despite his easy going nature. Chasing a future so much bigger than him.#One stuck stagnant despite his aching boredom unable to see a future outside chasing the high of his past.#Inextricably linked by nothing but memories and their own unwillingness to let go fully.#Is it fate now or will? Fate or pure yearning faith? Our paths have long since diverged but I still seek you out.#We are different people but I still know you. You still know me.#If we weren't written in the stars fate should never have set us on a collision course.
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experimentation is forever and ever and emmet is guinea pig
#still working with colors. I need to eat a ball of light#MAGMA SAVE ME. SAVE ME PERSONAL MAGMA CANVAS#I find magma a lot less stressful to try stuff on tbh. it's probbaly because of how their brushes feel#I TECHNICALLY can somewhat emulate it in my main drawing program. but magma just has such a nice feel#anyways. shrug. I like emmet a loADUGHSADO TAGS CANCELLED I HGAVE THE HICCUPS. GOD HATES ME#GOD WANTS ME DEAD. THIS IS TRHE WORST. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT HTE FUCK MAN. STOP HICCUPING. STOPPPP#AOOAUAUUUAGUUAUHHUHUHAUUGUAHHUAUHHHGHHUHUGUUHAG#glances around. are you okay now. did you stop hiccuping.#OKAY I THINK WE"RE GOOD. thank god#spenxer lou art#submas#pokemon submas#submas emmet#subway boss emmet#subway master emmet#subway bosses#btw the main stuff I've been working now is color gradients and saturation in shading / the affect colored outlines have. shrug#basically I stared at bluebellowls art too long and got mad enough to give myself a stomach ache <- can't make this shit up#uhmm. rubs brain. ???? I don't know what else to say. I've been improving sooooooo much but my hunger is insatiable. me want more
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my favorite steamgoth icon
#good morning drebber nation (its almost 3 am)#rip enoch you would have loved cinema strange and creature feature#god he is so me it hurts#honestly i can never get sick of drawing him he just translates into my style so well#now i wont be able to draw for weeks im exhausted lmao#the great ace attorney#dai gyakuten saiban#ace attorney#enoch drebber#i love posting in the dead of night and not when everyone is presumably awake at a reasonable hour#aa#tgaa#dgs#dgs2#shit i draw#please bring him back in dgs3 i bailed him out of jail myself so get to work crapcom#edit: oh my god this guy is a fucking BRAIN PARASITE#HE IS SO ME. IT ACHES.#enochposting
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fellas. ive been really aching for academia lately. i miss it so much
#ACHING for it.#fuck man. Oh god#life happened and so much has been going on#but we have a place to live now and I’m like!! Oh god I miss it I miss the guys (plants) and the rigor and everything#yes I still have work but that’s not super researchy if that makes sense
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the imagery of no health regen…… wounded skin that doesn’t heal…. torn clothes….. burns…. scorch marks….. bite marks….. blood everywhere…… unraveling bandages…… oh…….
#secret life#secret life smp#if i ever write a slsmp fic. everyone is going to be wounded as FUCK#like. i love it when fan artists draw the characters punctured with arrows#or burned after dying to lava/fire#and now with no health regen. how the injuries don’t go away#a worn and ragged green life almost desperate to turn yellow#if not for the full set of health again#stab wounds that don’t close. a heart bleeds until you die. the scratch marks itch under the armour#ohhhhhh it’s so sexy#teammates changing each others bandages bc the blood never stops#infected wounds? that only ease when more hearts are earned from the secret keeper?#i’m so obsessed with this already#like yessssss the player gets weaker and weaker as they lose more hearts#they are so damaged and injured they can barely raise their shield#their whole body aching. scathing with every hit and blow#and then when they gain hearts. and the RELIEF#of scorch marks fading. wounds closing. blood drying. pains easing. broken bones set themselves#so much cruelty in the world. everyone takes that extra little care with each other#no more friendly slaps on the shoulder or even high fives#everyone is just very still. too fatigued to do anything but survive
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dandelion’s incredible reluctance, and near-fright, to mention kaer morhen by name is somewhat endearing to me. we as the fandom throw around the name so easily, and it’s also home for geralt and ciri, so its name doesn’t carry so much weight.
but in dandelion’s case, it makes sense to fear mentioning it, for it was the site of the massacre… best to not let anyone hear its name… it’s kind of nice to think that dandelion has a degree of self-awareness, when something is as important as this
and also, some part of me just thinks that dandelion with his vivid imagination listened to geralt offhandedly talk about his childhood here or there, and… whatever were mundane facts or sepia-tinted friendly memories for geralt, made dandelion’s expression drop and his innards twist. so he conceives of kaer morhen not just as “the witcher’s keep in the mountains of kaedwen” but “that place where my best friend endured child abuse for eighteen years”
#like… i imagine dandelion has a dysfunctional family relationship too to put it lightly#but as far as the subjected mutations and trials and intense physical training#idk why i think i’m just projecting but#listening to your friend talk about his abusive childhood like ‘oh yeah and then we fell asleep to the ache of our muscles [nostalgic sigh]’#the pain of loving your friend a lot and realizing just how much hell they’ve been through#geralt recalling some memories to dandelion and then all of a sudden#‘dandelion? what’s the matter with you? hell you look as though you’re about to be sick’#dandelion like… 😨#dandelion wanting badly to take on geralt’s pain ✌️ well we got there by time of contempt and baptism of fire#this was brought up for me again when preston holt and geralt were talking in crossroads of ravens#where holt is like: ‘i bet your earliest memory is…’ and geralt is like ‘there was this boy…’ and holt is like ‘yeup’#and though they acknowledge it’s fucked up neither of them are as horrified as they probably should be 💀 because it’s known and familiar#this is also why dandelion is horrified by his suicidal inclinations#yennefer shares them so she is more like ‘ok well don’t do it on the carpet’#this is ciri aka chickened out of suicide attempt and her two parents aka failed suicide attempt and daily suicidal ideations#now i’m not saying dandelion would never kill himself but i mean not during the saga. after half a century is published he could do whatever#the elbow-high diaries#i think the whole ‘recluse from society in an isolated monastery’ thing is already abuse in dandelion’s eyes#the fact that the food is plain = abuse to dandelion lbr
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I know I've been on about this for a while now and I'm being a hater but you're telling me SydCarmy was "always meant to be platonic" even though there are two seasons of writing making use of tried-and-true explicitly romantic tropes, themes and writing signals, and SydLuca is going to be romantic because...he was nice to her on screen for a few minutes?
I don't even care if people ship SydLuca, or if they just prefer it, but you can't honestly tell me that you believe Carmy was always meant to be a friend but Luca is an obvious love interest.
Just because Syd and Carmy haven't kissed or confessed their love to each other doesn't mean that isn't very obviously the direction this show is going. The Bear has already shown you who is endgame. It has shown you every episode of the show so far.
Honestly I really don't think The Bear fanbase understands this show or cares about these characters or the story being told here, which is unfortunate because this show is shockingly well-written in comparison to most shows right now, and we should be so grateful for it but all we're doing is complaining that the writers led us on by not making a ship canon fast enough. It's just. Sad.
#The Bear#SydCarmy#I was like a casual fan of this show two days ago#and now seeing how little respect this show gets from it's fanbase I'm losing my mind#I mean I shipped SydCarmy before anyway but now it means so much to me#it means so much to see such a realistic and purposefully well paced romance take place#so many shows portray romantic relationships and their beginnings in ways that just don't really happen in real life#and this show very purposefully said no. These are characters who are strangers. who are working together. Who are in a tense environment#and each of them has problems - one of them the type of problems that makes developing new relationships pretty difficult#these two would not get together right away. It would take a long time. And there would be ups and downs.#And even when that's the case. Even if when it takes a long time and doesn't go smoothly and is hard -#it can still be beautiful. It can still be romantic. It can still happen and here's how#and I'm just so inspired genuinely. It is so difficult to write romance without being cliche and so difficult to write it in a way that#could actually happen in real life and I really do hope I can write something half as good some day#and then to know so many people have no appreciation for it at all#because they prefer the shows that have characters make eye contact a few times and then confess their love for each other like#it's just fucking sad. So sad that so few people have any appreciation for good writing especially the difficult of romance writing#like I really just don't even know what to tell you. In real life these two would not have confessed to each other yet. They would not have#kissed yet. They would not have even realized they have feelings for each other yet because those feelings would still be developing#and I also want to point out that given the disparity in power between Syd and Carmy in season 1 it wouldn't have been healthy for them to#get together much sooner. He was her boss. He was also her idol. Before they can even get together that needs to be balanced out.#And then on top of that don't you see the value in Carmy realizing the dream girl he's romanticized in his head - Claire - isn't actually#what he wants? Don't you see the beauty in him being disillusioned from that? And realizing that Syd is what he wants?#Don't you see the beauty in Syd having an idealized vision of what Carmy The Great Chef is like realizing she was wrong and that he's human#and flawed and then realizing - she loves him anyway? She loves him more for not being on a pedestal and for having his flaws?#Are you telling me that even thinking about this doesn't move you? Doesn't make your heart ache a little?#And again - ship and let ship - but what is Luca? What is Luca if not just what she was hoping Carmy would be when she wen to The Beef?#What is he if not just another man who she has not seen under pressure yet? Not seen reliving trauma yet? Not been her boss yet?#It's easy to look at him and think he's better than Carmy - and that's the point. That's the point The Bear is making.#It is easy to want someone you don't know. It's hard to want to someone you do know. But that's what love requires and that's the point
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I have worked so hard to make it into all my shifts despite snow and weather and bad roads and ice and all of that, so it feels extremely unfair that I might have to call in sick for the next one just for the weakass reason of being sick a fuckin dog
#the amount of coughing im doing and aching I’m feeling is perhaps not therapeutic to any patients I might encounter#but also fuck me now im out of pto again
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and i keep my side of the street clean, you wouldn't know what i mean
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you know when you're going through a high stress situation that is prolonged and agonizing but you've put on a brave face and you think you've got this! 💪 and then a week into it you accidentally burn your quinoa and there's smoke and all of a sudden your skin is sloughing off and you feel like alice about to be swept away in a tide of her own tears? mmnnmm yeag.
#i cant fucking do this not at all actually im very scared and i have no idea what im gonna ddo for money and yeah i am. so scared#money isn't even scary if i can just find a job! but i need an apartment but i can't find an apartment unless i can pay for the rent#and i have to contact The Dude at some point but uh. hes mad. im scared.#augh delete later probably. im sitting on the stairs outside and smoking a cigarette which i really shouldn't do#did I tell you i was scared. i have these cruel nightmares of roaming the streets looking for nala and not finding her#and i wake up in a cold sweat in a panic not knowing where i am. everything is so unfamiliar !!!!#if things ever work out for me if i can find the money for deposit or get my investments back somehow i swear i will spend a month in compl#ete silence staring at the cieling just processing this#right now everything feels so GO GO GO and i am scared it might break me. i do not have the time for chronic ilness right now yk.#tummy ache. chewing on my cheek.#nothing to do than try to stay positive but man. this really fucking sucks and is really unfair#who knew being a people pleaser with 0 boundaries would come back to bite me in the ass.#/groan/
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burying your face in their shoulder,,, them letting you rest your weight on them,, dear GOD
#just kill me now why don’t you?#crushposting#lovecore#crushcore#love suggestion#crush suggestion#tender#this shit makes me fucking ache goddamn#heartcore#kisscore#heart shaped
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i’m sorry (not really) but few things hit the spot quite like imagining someone who is too embarrassed to call me mommy normally being so overwhelmed with pleasure and agony and desperation that the pathetic pleads of “mommy” leave their mouth before they can even think about it
#bee.txt#this whole scenario and idea has been RUINING me lately#but also…. what a blessing ?#i used to hate h a t e being called mommy bc too many boys used it w/o my consent and gave me the fucking ICK#times change people change now it makes my pussy ache :3
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watched the haikyu movie thinking it was going to be normal but unfortunately i came out battered bruised bleeding and 5 years younger, back in 2019 watching haikyu on my couch and trying to get my sister hooked on it
#time is a flat circle#i was so young back then but im still young now#any mention of haikyu makes me so viscerally nostalgic like i start yearning and aching and my soul twists#is that too much...#haikyuu#haikyu#haikyuu battle of the garbage dump#haikyuu the dumpster battle#i cried a little bit#i read the manga a while ago like i knew exactly what was going to happen but seeing it ANIMATED made me go insane#i was clawing at the seat and at my eyes LIKE NO THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING YOU DONT MEAN IT#also spoilers in the next tag DO NOT READ IF YOU DIDNT WATCH OR READ IT#but i did NOT remember the loss of the game being so devastating#like i did not remember that the ball just fell out of kenma's hands like that#my heart sunk when i watched it in the movie i was like wait... no ur joking right... this isnt the last set right....#just the way they animated it genuniely broke me#we get kenma's pov for three straight minutes and you have to WATCH THE FUCKING BALL FALL OUT OF HIS HANDS OH MY GOD LIKE OH MY ACTUAL GOD#i love haikyu#im goign to reread it... NOW.
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